#my general existence is shit rn. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

angronsjewelbeetle · 2 months ago

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Anyone know any 40k fluff fics for a bloke who's body has decided to despise him?

#i would write it myself but uh #id prefer masc or gn but at this point i will take anything i can get #my body doesnt even like me lying in bed #warhammer x reader #my general existence is shit rn.#beetle squeaks 🪲

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vaguely-concerned · 9 hours ago

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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today

#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple #and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry #because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out #I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out #but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this #I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is #rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers #what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha #(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present #and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special #the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved #dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #dragon age spoilers #poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim #good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something #honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick #'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon #that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round #rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution #('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3 #oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar

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undefeatablesin · 27 days ago

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Watch out ya'll, Sin's sketching Bloodborne comics again! 💀

#sin speaking #(i havent drawn anything bb related since MAY. holy shit dude. tbf i have been affronted by existing in general lmao)#(wow 2 whole years in the bb community and this is the first time ive drawn any of the main monstars. very subpar of me)#(im making approximately 0 promises on when this will get done bc i always end up being wrong LOL but still)#(i got a big brain boost of bb inspiration so you have to contend with my messy af sketches)#(anyone thats been here for a while is used to that though)#(why yes!! i AM infatuated with the choir rn. specifically my choir menace hradi who i love so much he has been written into ruzas story)#(as a minor role. but a role nonetheless. HEH.)#(it feels good...it feels so good to be with them again...)#(this isnt a big comic its like 4 pages lmao but still)#(i am currently raiding the chalice dungeons for uncanny weapons if yall need someone to tomb prospect with hmu)#(aloysha and hradi's profiles are menacingly strong and available for hire at the price of one corn chip)#(if nobody else got me i know my ballpoint pen unique brush got me AMEN)

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starlooove · 23 days ago

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I already said this but if u make Aisha the tallest in ur fanart i hate u a lil

#i was gonna say tallest and buffest #and that’s true bc I still hate u a lil #just kinda less bc she’s implied to be the sporty one #but also It’s so so easy for y’all to masculinize black women #and It’s weird bc nobody every talks about how her role growing up prevented her from doing much #so even tho she’s super sporty now build wise it should be swimmer/dancer #and again I understand the liberation of women through musculature that’s literally where I’m at rn #but i don’t think y’all get the type of battle it is for black woman #‘but blank’ u say ‘the racial breakdown on magix is not the same as irl’#‘but random person’ I respond ‘racial dynamics exist irl and impact how we view our media and as early as s1 episode 12 Rai dub winx has #shown it’s not exempt from showcasing racial bias - that’s the Afro episode.’#anyways my point is #i get it and it’s not like I hate Black ppl racism #It’s more like that bath and body works accidental kkk racism #Steven universe in general #a lack of black ppl who know their shit in the writers room #and by the writers room I mean you #Ur tablet #Ur drawing of how big buff Aisha towers over dainty lil musa #who’s subversive bc she gets afforded the character trope of gremlin #well she’s still victimized and did nothing wrong in any of her relationships but she has sharp teeth in her wide grin so rlly it evens out #and aisha is. therapist friend.#no wait! she makes a sassy comeback bc Stella’s being vain!!#and then she’s stroking Musa’s hair and telling her ni- Oop men ain’t shit she don’t need no man!#aisha will just fill in :)#ok that last bit is a lot more venting frustration like that’s less to do with fanart and winx and more how racism bleeds through fucking #everything #so main main point is. stop being white?! enough!! also a lot of y’all can be semi normal about flora bc even tho she’s Latina it’s still hc #territory and y’all see her as like. white with an extra oomf. so the stereotypes y’all usually push onto Latinas are impossible to push w/#plus the way she’s written doesn’t have the leeway that the way aisha is. they both get whitewashed just the same tho sad

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hilacopter · 2 months ago

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I know I reblog serious things, posts mentioning and about rape included but someone sent me an ask concerning SA so please remember that I am a minor and don't send that stuff to me or prompt me to talk about it. Y'all see the stuff on this blog I'm not one of those "tumblr needs to go out of it's way to be safe for minors" people I'm just saying I won't and shouldn't comment on the topic myself until I'm yk. An adult.

#about vent asks in general please remember that @jewish-vents exists #like i really appreciate that people come to me sometimes for advice but i don't think i'm the right person #first of all i'm going through a lot of my own shit rn #second of all there are already so many asks i abandon because i just don't know how to respond #i'm actually not that good at responding to things. shocking.#you should hear me in conversations irl #cw rape #hila has spoken

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kevyeen · 5 months ago

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I wish being weird and batshit insane was socially acceptable, conforming to societal norms is killing me.

#finding new friends is hard because they wanna talk about their life or say smth about the weather when i'm foaming at the mouth about #some gays either driving fast cars or fast bikes or in insane sitcoms the average person just doesn't know exists or like wont watch #why must we talk about the weather when i can explain to you in excruciating detail why annie from community is lesbian #“hi” and he said he cloned him with the dna of a homing pigeon so if he feels a compulsion to come back- hey where are you going man #but also talking in general is hard like no that's not the response i wanted but no now you're too enthusiastic so my mind tells me ur faki #not just this stuff but this shit id what i can say rn #anyway #my finals over time to deep clean my bedroom & find a relic from my toxic codependent homoerotic teenage friendship that blew up in my face #also languages suck i can't express myself in any languages i know i should learn german i've heard they have a lot of words #kevtalks #im very close to some sort of breakdown also the jury is still out for what kind tho and it's the fucking uni entrance's fault

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theworstcreature · 6 months ago

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*gets bored and starts reading Wikipedia articles at you*

#my hobby fr #honestly just reading shit like that I general is fun #I have this really old dictionary from like 1942 #and once I spent like an hour just skimming over the new words section #just like enjoying it and thinking about how maybe once upon a time that WASNT a word everyone and their grandmother knew #I can’t believe that word meant something completely different than it does now #also a little fun fact I learned from that:#transgender folks (or at least trans femmes.. that’s the only entry I remember seeing) existed and were known enough to make it into the #dictionaries back then #also there was a form of hormone therapy that existed back then with transgender women being mentioned in its definition #I don’t remember how it was worded #nor do I feel like going and opening this dictionary rn #but I could probably find it tomorrow

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ferociouslycreativemystery · 7 months ago

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Me: I'm fine about my autism now btw, like I've come to terms with my fixated interests, limited tolerances and social inabilities. The alienation it brings is not ideal but it's just a reality I've gotta deal with now that I know it's just a part of who I am. I mean, it's not like an awkward conversation is gonna ruin anyone's life, is it? We'll both move on from it eventually. This is fine!

Also me: physically unable to watch beyond the first word of the first question of The Assembly because oh my god what if someone says something awkward or controversial or someone can't make themselves understood people are gonna get mad and scream about it online and I will freeze up and be stuck in the backlash forever I don't know how to handle conflict AT ALL let's just hide in the corner behind the sofa instead wait what if I became a hermit actually yeah yeah yeah that sounds good let's do that

#unresolved trauma? never even heard of her haha 😅#maddie debrief #that 2-minute intro/taster did nothing to calm me down either btw #I'm never comfortable around the types of shows where 'difference' becomes the core conceit of the premise #oh. so you've created a format dependent on making a socially alienated group face the social rules that made them alien in the first place #and then deriving your conflict from the 'natural contradiction' between the two?#sounds like the exact kind of conflict-seeking environment where I can let my normal guard down enough to meaningfully challenge #my deeply rooted feeling that people generally find me cumbersome to be around and mostly just tolerate my presence out of necessity #lovely that #(like i say I haven't seen the show #so idk if it is actually like that or if it's just the promo material stirring shit up as per usual #but as of rn I do not feel welcome in this room)#why does the 'we're not so different after all' always have to come at the climax and never the midpoint of the story?#why can we never find more than personal gratification in that realisation?#why do we always focus on the difficulty of coming to the realisation rather than the conflict of putting the realisation into *practice*?#I know why #it is because the human imagination is far more limited than we like to believe #and we find it hard to even *imagine* a world that we haven't seen functioning for ourselves yet #let alone find a purpose in *acting* on the idea #(especially if we ourselves currently feel dependent on the status quo for our personal welfare #which is why shows made to depend on 'difference = conflict' make my blood run cold)#so if we have to see to believe - how many cases of real world functioning equity does the average person understand?#very few. so let's instead lazily invert the state of power in an existing dynamic that people are familiar with #thereby reaffirming its false dichotomy through perpetuating what is essentially the same old conflict #while claiming to subvert it when in fact all we have done is reverse the dominance while keeping everyone locked in their roles #can someone just put some thought into how we might create a format that aims to loosen up the underlying skewed power dyanmic #so that everyone has to work together to prevent the elevation of a single way of being over all others #because that just becomes suffocating to *everyone* in the end #and that can still *acknowledge difference* but not as a source of conflict - rather as a source of collective strength?#but the story of changing one perspective will always be easier to both tell and enjoy than the one about building something new

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troglobite · 9 months ago

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#ah okay i see i'm too depressing and annoying to talk to for even my mom to put up w me #lol wow i'm literally a fucking blackhole of bullshit even my therapist was like #hey basically nothing in your life feels movable rn so maybe you should see someone for ocd? bc it's distressing & can be helped?#a v nice way of being like 'we've basically hit a wall bc you're completely hopeless'#tried to just talk w my mom abt stuff & ended up being incredibly depressing and awful #despite the fact that i was trying to be goofy & laughy & not make her feel bad the whole time #so yknow generally a horrible failure #and this is why i shouldn't talk to ppl in general :) no one wants to hear this shit #god i have to stop now i'm gonna cry in the living room #also my stupid stomach decided i wasn't allowed to eat a normal dinner so i ate bread and am sipping a yogurt #i'm so tired of just being the worst person in everyone's life unless i'm actively justifying my existence

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exopelagic · 1 year ago

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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr

#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep #friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them #which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair #I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done #and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song #w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends #okay where are we #I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more #and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am #I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying #in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy #i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more #i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying #it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be #and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There #with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere #and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff #hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations #but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain #anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3 #it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon #luke.txt #uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway #point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.

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orcelito · 2 years ago

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Trying out a new thing with editing.

I like to reread thru my WIP chapters, whether I'm actually going to work on editing or not. Oftentimes, I'll read and spot smth I want to change, but I don't have the brain to enact that change at the moment. So I put a little mental pin in it to remember to change it later. I usually do remember the "pins", but not always, so...

Im putting * at the start of paragraphs I want to change, now. Not bothering with noting why bc I'll be able to figure it out once I read the thing. But this way I'll remember if previous me thought smth needed revised

#speculation nation #discacc shit #whether or not i actually enact any change later remains to be seen #sometimes i decide i dont care enough and/or it's not a big enough problem to be worth the effort #sometimes it is a Vitally Important revision to make #generally for matters of internal consistency or if a passage is just THAT BAD #which those do exist. my writing doesnt come out completely polished to start with.#it's the continuous editing that i think really helps with the readability of what i put out #incremental changes. passages read with varying states of mind. so i look at them with varying angles.#poking and prodding at the words until they achieve a shape i am satisfied with. THAT is my editing process.#im really not doing anything different. just noting it more effectively #anyways i got no brain for words rn but im rereading what i have so far for 42 #and. it's pretty good actually. kinda excited.

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baekuras · 1 month ago

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I have finally, hundreds of years after everyone else, started playing Dragon Age....2

(the first one didn't run with sound and i wasn't in the mood to fix it because i was cranky today okay-another time...i will get context eventually don't worry i have at least 2 braincells w/ me)

and the main thing I noticed is

Every companion sure knows how to make a fucking entrance huh?