#my general existence is shit rn.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In 2020, 44% of users from Denmark used Tumblr daily.
Text
Anyone know any 40k fluff fics for a bloke who's body has decided to despise him?
#i would write it myself but uh#id prefer masc or gn but at this point i will take anything i can get#my body doesnt even like me lying in bed#warhammer x reader#my general existence is shit rn.#beetle squeaks 🪲
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
Watch out ya'll, Sin's sketching Bloodborne comics again! 💀
#sin speaking#(i havent drawn anything bb related since MAY. holy shit dude. tbf i have been affronted by existing in general lmao)#(wow 2 whole years in the bb community and this is the first time ive drawn any of the main monstars. very subpar of me)#(im making approximately 0 promises on when this will get done bc i always end up being wrong LOL but still)#(i got a big brain boost of bb inspiration so you have to contend with my messy af sketches)#(anyone thats been here for a while is used to that though)#(why yes!! i AM infatuated with the choir rn. specifically my choir menace hradi who i love so much he has been written into ruzas story)#(as a minor role. but a role nonetheless. HEH.)#(it feels good...it feels so good to be with them again...)#(this isnt a big comic its like 4 pages lmao but still)#(i am currently raiding the chalice dungeons for uncanny weapons if yall need someone to tomb prospect with hmu)#(aloysha and hradi's profiles are menacingly strong and available for hire at the price of one corn chip)#(if nobody else got me i know my ballpoint pen unique brush got me AMEN)
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate getting excited about something and accidentally sharing it with someone when they're in the wrong mood to hear it. Makes me feel like a dog trying to play with their human in an antidepressant commercial and ruins my entire mood
#and it's not like they don't care they're just in an off mood and don't match the energy you give and it's just so#deflating and uncomfortable sgjdhkdhk#like ''isn't that so cool????'' ''yeah.''#makes me wanna die#and then it's like well now I can't tell them again and I just wasted sharing that with them AND I feel shitty about it#guess I'll just fuck off this plane of existence#unfortunately it happens to me too often because people in my life are just busier than me and I don't hold it against them#but it still feels bad man!!#I'm also just feeling fragile cause I've been isolated lately and don't have a lot going on so the things I do have to share#aren't like. things people generally view as very important I don't have shit going on right now#I've just been feeling lately like everyone's got Important Life Stuff tm going on and are often not as present with me because they're Busy#again I'm fragile rn so it's probably not as bad as it feels like it is#I'm just sad lol
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alright. Okay. As an aussie who is firmly against guns and even visting america ever because of the guns im about to fucking fly over there, yank a weapon out of a toddlers hands, and start making some shots myself.
And im a much better headshot than your previous attempts have proved 🙃
#HOW THE FUCK! DID WE GET HERE? WHAT THE FUCK?!?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCKING SHIT#personal#not so casual reminder that YES! ITS OKAY TO PUNCH NAZIS! AND ENCOURAGED TO DO SO!!#hit them for standing there!! dont wait till theyve done something awful in front of you just start throwing punches literally immediately!#what the fuuuuccccckkkkk i dont. i dont know how to react to this. its 20fuckingtwentyfive you guys#really thought we as a species were better than putting literally the richest nazis in the world on public TV! and in office!!#anyway guillotines and gallows are good things to research theres a pretty good vid by a chanell called jacob geller on youtube#called The False Evolution of Execution Methods. i highly reccomend it in general but especially rn#im so angry. like how am i supposed to just casually go about my day knowing the Worst Peoples to exist in the modern day#run the powerhouse of the western world and that that effects me so significantly but im oceans away from doing anything about it#not anything. i resist and i donate and i inform and i support from here when i can. but how am i supposed to just like#casually do a silly DIY when on the other side of the world theres about to be more giant riots because yall let the worlds Smallest Cock#do fucking nazi salutes on live television as he worms his way into the control station of your country#what the fucking fuck man#what the absolute fucking shit#or not live tv but in front of a very large live audience with cameras. for fucks sake people!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rat King occasionally just having the Worst Fucking Time mentally because she's "Rat Prime" and essentially binds all the Rats together and has to deal with everything that comes with it. is she the real one and why does she have to carry All That and she can't turn it off anymore and it's so much weight all the time and
#projecting onto my sona because i am Feeling It lately#just a lot of shit going on that's got me feeling like I'm getting compressed into a box#im being cubed by existence i fear#work is putting expectations on me when im already burning out#people irl want to be friends and i don't have the capacity for All That#i am. really feeling bad about my art again#im fighting myself constantly bc i have ideas i want to share but can't get them coherent to do so#and generally just. oh my god i want to rest i just can't do anything rn i need a break so bad#i want to sleep#ratkingrambles#my mental state is spiralling again and i can't. do anything about it#having to be around people irl 8+ hours every single day makes me so so so so so tired. i want to sleep so bad i am exhausted all the time#i can't talk to anyone i have no idea what to say i don't want to talk at all i am tired stop expecting me to speak please stop#don't put me in charge don't ask me questions don't expect me to greet you please stop expecting me to talk i don't want to talk#oh my god im so tired. im so tired.#i think im just. extremely overwhelmed by literally everything rn#i don't have any idea what to say to anyone at this point#i can't fucking handle this much socialization irl#and it's leaving me extremely burnt out everywhere else
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
im exploding into a million pieces i found a reddit thread about butches in video games (specifically looking for them) in hopes that there was some kind of lesser known dream daddy-esque butch dating sim or SOMETHING cute like that and guys the fucking crumbs we have to live on you're actually killing me. im withering away why are there no kissable butches in video games im going to throw up and kill everyone. nobody wants a butch dating sim apparently. im gonna go weep in the fetal position
#everybody ignore this it's so stupid but#it's like heres a stard.ew valley mod where you can make leah butch and um idk starf.ield bg characters#and a baldgate3 character. IM CRYING WHERE ARE THE BUTCHES#'why is this making me emotional' (<- very understandable why it would make me emotional)#howling into the night sky ripping ny shirt in twain transforming into a big hairy beast bc i love butches sm#GUHHHHHHHHHH CMONNNNN#i just wanna see people's cute drawings of dykes ok. where is our version of bara#where is it please#im begginbg the universe generally#i need a hero (the song) is emanating from my pores rn. where are they we deserve so much better than this#gahhhh it's all overly palatable softgirl yuri fuckk. where are my big sweaty hairy braless deep voiced dykes im going to kill someone#when is it my turn to be happy wuagghhh#not to say i dislike softgirl yuri but i do not want to kiss them!! sorry but that is a big motivator for this#is wanting a 2d boyfriend (/dyke) because everyone else gets to have one :((#and also like. wanting to see dykes reflective of irl dykes rather than yuri for representation purposes that matter to me personally#and the gender euphoria that can often come from that but also FUCKK#nguhhhhhh oughhhhhh ahhhhhhhhgh. im such a fucking faggot im sick of this#a large chunk of the sapphic population is just completely not represented it's like they only exist in my mind#i never seen them around me either this shit sucks fuck my stupid baka life. wehehhh#exploding into a million pieces#im never expressing any kind of gay yearning again after this im done#is it too much to ask that i see people like me out there?? in many ways but tonight specifically in a butch way#ppl when they even think for a moment of making lesbian media where the dykes aren't sifted through straight attractiveness filters: 😱#again a lesbian dating dim w femmes would rule as well but it's all high schoolers and vaguely anime-hot women#and thats not good enough. it's like if they give a girl a big nose they'll fucking die immediately#maybe the real reason i consume so much homoerotic buff guy media is because SOMETIMES ppl draw them as butches#(<- not the reason but maybe loosely vaguely part of the reason)#anyway this was inspired by me watching ppl react to like. a popular pretty boy dating sim#and trying to figure out some equivalent experience for me but i can't bc none of it is made for me#killing everyone and then killing them again. hatred
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk if i agree with the whole "if you post art online it means you want people to like it" thing, i feel more like im tossing it out there as an option for people and hopefully it makes someone happy but even if no one cares about it its still gonna sit there like idrc if people see it. it's like leaving the curtains of my windows open, idrc if you look inside at that moment or not but heres a taste of my life if you do.
#if i wanted ppl to like my art i probably would've fully colored and finished *at least* the entire first chapter of my comic.#but rn im content just working on it endlessly 🤷 yall made it clear that apparently you think i have nothing to offer so ill keep all this#shit i have to offer that you pretend doesnt exist to myself ig#maybe ill toss out some scraps every now and then. if i think you even deserve it.#i almost feel like snake n pals is the version i think the internet deserves- the least effort version.#which explains why i prefer to post those than my actual comic.......#iunno. make me feel like you actually give af if you do.#it might be kinda different for me tho bc i mostly post my art on deviantart which i mostly use as a online place to store my art lol......#when i post art on here THEN its bc i want ppl to pay attention. on there its just. opening the curtains.#actually the only other time i care is when im showing ppl im friends with irl#well- ig friends in general. but i dont usually make internet friends bc i dont trust u hoes
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I know I reblog serious things, posts mentioning and about rape included but someone sent me an ask concerning SA so please remember that I am a minor and don't send that stuff to me or prompt me to talk about it. Y'all see the stuff on this blog I'm not one of those "tumblr needs to go out of it's way to be safe for minors" people I'm just saying I won't and shouldn't comment on the topic myself until I'm yk. An adult.
#about vent asks in general please remember that @jewish-vents exists#like i really appreciate that people come to me sometimes for advice but i don't think i'm the right person#first of all i'm going through a lot of my own shit rn#second of all there are already so many asks i abandon because i just don't know how to respond#i'm actually not that good at responding to things. shocking.#you should hear me in conversations irl#cw rape#hila has spoken
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wish being weird and batshit insane was socially acceptable, conforming to societal norms is killing me.
#finding new friends is hard because they wanna talk about their life or say smth about the weather when i'm foaming at the mouth about#some gays either driving fast cars or fast bikes or in insane sitcoms the average person just doesn't know exists or like wont watch#why must we talk about the weather when i can explain to you in excruciating detail why annie from community is lesbian#“hi” and he said he cloned him with the dna of a homing pigeon so if he feels a compulsion to come back- hey where are you going man#but also talking in general is hard like no that's not the response i wanted but no now you're too enthusiastic so my mind tells me ur faki#not just this stuff but this shit id what i can say rn#anyway#my finals over time to deep clean my bedroom & find a relic from my toxic codependent homoerotic teenage friendship that blew up in my face#also languages suck i can't express myself in any languages i know i should learn german i've heard they have a lot of words#kevtalks#im very close to some sort of breakdown also the jury is still out for what kind tho and it's the fucking uni entrance's fault
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
*gets bored and starts reading Wikipedia articles at you*
#my hobby fr#honestly just reading shit like that I general is fun#I have this really old dictionary from like 1942#and once I spent like an hour just skimming over the new words section#just like enjoying it and thinking about how maybe once upon a time that WASNT a word everyone and their grandmother knew#I can’t believe that word meant something completely different than it does now#also a little fun fact I learned from that:#transgender folks (or at least trans femmes.. that’s the only entry I remember seeing) existed and were known enough to make it into the#dictionaries back then#also there was a form of hormone therapy that existed back then with transgender women being mentioned in its definition#I don’t remember how it was worded#nor do I feel like going and opening this dictionary rn#but I could probably find it tomorrow
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
1 note
·
View note
Text
I ate some trash food (that im not supposed to eat bcz my skin will go bad and im strength training so that comes with maintaining a healthy diet) and now i wanna throw up bcz i feel disgusted with myself
#tw eating issues#tw ed implied#i dont know if this is ed but i tagged it to be on the safe side bcz i dont wanna unintentionally hurt someone#the reason for the trash food binge wss bcz im stressed with studies and i have a pile of shit that i dont understand but have to somehow#By today and i havent slept properly in like a week and i hate the phone but i feel irritated with existence in general i dont wanna ANYTHI#But sleep doesnt come bcz im anxious#And also my eyes are lowkey burning#And my shoulder HURTS LIKE HELL#GODDAMN I HATE THIS PAIN I WANT IT TO GO AWAY#Yeah im gonna go to the gym. Thats what'll cure it#Fuck studies imma go and lift and run and thatll ease my brain and make me feel better#Fuck everything#rant#p#it is 5:30 in the morning rn#the gym will open in half an hour
1 note
·
View note
Text
I have finally, hundreds of years after everyone else, started playing Dragon Age....2
(the first one didn't run with sound and i wasn't in the mood to fix it because i was cranky today okay-another time...i will get context eventually don't worry i have at least 2 braincells w/ me)
and the main thing I noticed is
Every companion sure knows how to make a fucking entrance huh?
#txts#even the few i care about less than others-like the introduction? always amazing#....i may have forgotten Aveline exists halfway through tho so idk much about her....vibes i guess#i set her aside for being pouty about us doing illegal shit here and there because templars bla bla bla#and then i just forgot to stop playing or go to her again#....eventually....i will do her mission too#don't bless this camera tho i am fighting it at every turn#whoever thought move camera and interact should be the same key....I wanna have a conversation#bc half the times i try to just click on smth i move my view up to the high skies#also can someone give Isabela pants-girl you're clothes were not modeled to keep...not clipping through#i am trying to be respectful here okay#anders is the type of guy who falls in love with you if you're halfway nice to him i guess#and fenris keeps being mad at me for sticking up for mages#bc apparently demons get them or smth#which i SHOULD PROBABLY LEARN ABOUT#but rn my logic is: seems like a person and my sister here is nice so#.....i should either play game1 or get more story context i feel like....or maybe its just racism idk#(or complicated feelings bc his master was a mage and usually ppl with more power than others will become exploitative and assholes and-#that all is just a general philosophy of precaution further intensified by whats apparently a 'natural' inclination towards-#the demonic and spirits and where magic or whatever the source of those powers is what connects those different beings in some way-#which translates to others as an inherent inclination for evil but just because smth evil looms over you doesnt mean YOU are evil#that'd mean anyone in a kingdom ruled by an asshole is evil which isn't how this works#but ofc if you throw in religious zealot...y and such it's gets more.......gross#+the blight/archdemons and whatnot are like THE problem of all time so much so that it's like...dividing it into times#like we don't go the first century or 1928#we got the 4th blight and such#ANYWAY as said...idk so i will go ruminate in my thoughts and whatnot....and also go to sleep
1 note
·
View note
Text
I'm just a little girl and I'm so so tired
#feeling like shit rn#being trans at this age is really fucking me up#because in some of my most formative years im outcast and shamed just for existing#even in more supportive communities theres such a pertinent disconnect between me and my cis peers#and in less supportive ones im harrassed daily#if not worse#and just in general i have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with being trans#Except with none of the control#im lucky enough to where this isnt the case but like#if my parents decided i cant be on estrogen or blockers#or i cant buy girl clothes#or i cant change my voice#or that my birth name and pronouns are all i can use#theres not much i can do about that without having to actively hide all of it#even disregarding my parents theres still so many other people that get to decide whether or not im allowed to transition#and i fucking hate it#my gender#my indentity#my transition#is completely out of my control#i have no say in how it progresses#and god i hate that#shit didnt mean to have a super venty rant in the tags#guh#tw transphobia#transphobia
0 notes
Text
i think going to a goth club/night would fix me alas im also deathly afraid of public spaces/covid so it's a horrible middle ground actually
#the only thing going on near me is emo karaoke night and that's not my vibe#not the emo. the karaoke part#i'll go to an emo night any day#plus in general these things are sooooo few and far between in the areas around me#even yes the small basement like vibes#the Scene:tm: doesn't really exist around here and going multiple hours out to get to the scene isn't exactly possible#as much as i wish it was#so ppl who have local scenes i envy you i need that experience so bad rn#i don't count the shit from my late teens/early 20's bc. well. reasons#most of all i think i need to smoke with people again something about that vibe. i need it
0 notes