#my gender in past few days
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Total funding amounts to $125.3M.
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#my brain can't stop comparing teutemp and fuhirou#and its making like a new genere of shitpost out of it#my gender in past few days#Gilbert beilschmidt#hws prussia#hetalia prussia#hetalia#hetalia world stars#inazuma eleven#Suzuno Fuusuke#suzuno fuusuke#inazuma eleven suzuno#Suzuno inazuma eleven
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The Quest Continues...
(part 1- part 2)
#Fourfold Soul#<- That's the title of the project I've been working on!#I am very excited to finally show off the cowboy (gender redacted) I've been cooking in a slow boil!!! Yeehaw!#Yes this is the game project. YES I am commited to the bit of having the main character go through a long running pronoun-quest.#This character does not have a name so I cannot formally tag them...#(Okay. Technically they have an internal name for coding/scripting reasons...and I have a nickname for them.#But the important part of making a video game character you get to eventually name is that the name must come from *you*!)#The girl here is a npc so she has a temporary name. So I also cannot tag her. Hmm...#I have several FFS comics thumbnailed out. This one got made first because it's the funniest without context. Lore wise it's weak.#I would love to post the sexy clown but you have to wait just a few more comics.#Fun artist woes moment to share: This is the first time I've had to colour these characters traditionally. *That* was NOT fun.#Going from a specific digital colour palette to being at the whims of my limited colour choices in markers? Hell! On! Earth!#I might also be extra frustrated because this sure is 3x the length of what I usually do for comics! I spent a Whole Day on this.#Past me thought it was soooo funny and needed all the extra panels for pacing. I hate past me. That guy needs to be exploded.
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transfem loop + siffrin... you agree
i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......
#a headcanon is when i say shit like loop has feetie pyjamas.#a reading of the text is when i go jesus christ dude im not sure someone that repressed has a particularly great grasp on their ideal Self#lucabytetalks#isat spoilers#back on the homestuck tangent sometimes i think about how ppl picked up on the trans coding of roxy but were so set in their ways that#they thought it mustve been in the past and not a potential future... and then got real mad about a character being like.#complexly transmasc with a nuianced relationship to gender and not Easily Brushed Off Before The Narrative Begins Binary Trans Woman#one of the few times i think ive seen it be That way around? but i think it comes down to that whole. visible transgenderism happening#during the plot vs Invisible transgenderism that shh its okay you dont have to actually think about you can just say for brownie points#BUT MAYHAPS THAT IS MEAN. mayhaps that is mean. but i know what i saw back in the day.#sighs homestuck tangent over anyway uhhh yeah hold on isat fans ill throw you a new bone instead of getting off topic uhhh#isabeau seems like such a pragmatic planner to me i think theyve got contingency plans for whatever family they want to have in future#logical nerd with his transition timeline planned out and it includes a flowchart with an 'IF partner has X then i need Y to have a kid'#shrodingers op isabeau . guy with a gender spreadsheet and punnet squares. i think it being that methodical is funny#it also speaks to his occasional hesitance but thats too dark of a read i think im not going to stake anything serious on that#i have thoughts on isa but they're more obviously aligned with what he literally says with his words in-game. not really much worth#elaborating on besides poking at how his insecurities and appeasement to others might inform his literal decisions#i have maybe a few bullet points in my head for him. not 7k words
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girl help i cant stop shittily tracing over kuron screencaps to make Biblically Accurate oc drawings (these all looks so cursed jesus christ).
#my art#my funky guys#vld#clone shiro#this is Wrong. this is so so fucking cursed. why do they look like thatttt.#also im way too lazy to go scour the internet for a baby shiro screencap from that one episode so. no ryou:/#can you guys tell im procrastinating af from the amount of self indulgent vld au shit ive posted in the past few days#anyway I <3 GIVING MY OCS GENDER DYSPHORIA#sorry webs. and bud. and everyone else really. this is how i entertain myself
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I fully headcanon Peter Parker as nonbinary, but I feel like he'd be the definition of that "I'm probably nonbinary, but I have a job so idc about that rn" tweet. Like he's nb and he knows this, but he's also spiderman so he just kinda goes forever without ever even thinking about it or telling anyone
And the mentioned tweet:
#like he'd be too focused on saving people to really unpack his gender#and it'd go on for like years#I've been spending the past few days watching gameplay of the spiderman 2 game so now i have eight billion spiderman thoughts again#i might write a nb peter fic related to the games#it's in my brain#peter parker#nonbinary peter parker#spiderman
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i’m. so confused
#not necessary to read i’m just sending words into the void bc these past few months have been so stressful and then my brain is like#do you know what we should do right now? we should develop a crush and spiral over NOTHINGGGG#normally i shake crushes off in a week’s time maybe a lil longer if we’re talking a lot#but Man.jpeg i’m down bad for a friend of mine and the weirdest thing is: it’s a girl#i’ve always had thoughts about gender and how i didn’t feel like a girl but more like girl lite but this is totally new to me#literally get nervous and can’t make eye contact with her for more than a second at a time. my stomach feels weird when she giggles#planning a hangout feels so high stakes bc i wanna make sure she has fun#we chat every day and make consistent plans and i’m literally rethinking everything i thought i ‘knew’ about my relationship preferences#i kinda wanna hold hands with her and see where this goes but i’m so scared of leading her on if it’s just my brain goin crazy#idk man#jo tag
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IM girls…
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Art dump
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst fanart#twisted wonderland fanart#genderbend#fem twst#twst vil#rook hunt#vil shoenheit#rook twst#epel felmier#twst epel#I’ve been doing these over the course of a few days and more#lots of water color experements that I was not proud of and one that was good till it ripped rip vil#tried that hairspray hack for sealing in graphite and so far it works I heard it yellows over time but yolo ig I want my stuff to be prince#my silly little sketchbook is for my silly things#is also it every version of the the twst cast gender bent ? yes . is it because I’m biased ? yes.#at least over 30 (quote) people (quote) who have followed me in the past few months have been bots . it’s very disheartening
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What if my name was Emily. Just Emily, no Mia involved whatsoever, just good ol fashioned E M I L Y
There's even nicknames ! Em, Emmy, Emma (it's literally a different name but some people use it as a nickname??), so many more options than Mia
#really souring on the name mia as of late#like I only half picked the name through pretty dumb circumstances#it was suggested as the best option to me by a rando school counselor for a reason that didn't even end up being followed through on#and for the past like decade I've been the at best androgynous guy people know that just so happens to go by mia#ignoring all the weird gender nuances I feel I know nobody saw me as a girl during that time#not to mention the sheer number of people that know both my (former) preference for mia and my dead name. not a fan of that#but now I'm on hrt and although I don't pass I can make it very very obvious I'm not a cis male at least#and I'm moving in a few months and nobody there needs to think of me as either a cis guy or by my dead name#even if they're dicks about it I'd rather be the tranny emily than Weird Cis Guy Named Mia that everyone saw (well. sees) me as#god I feel like I've end up thinking about this every time I can't fall asleep these days#it's either that or my totally normal and normal (not to mention normal) feelings regarding [-]#I wish I wasn't out of edibles already damn I just wanna sleep#god I need to shut up#I might be very sleeped deprived. experts say it may be possible#this isn't even a big deal why do I care so much about it and why am I so nervous to actually follow through on it. nobody else cares
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If I ever draw fem Ishimondo. I fear I might anger some people
#theo is rambling again#really thinking about them for the past few days... Ishimondo girlies... Ishimondo sapphics...#love me my t4t ishimondo 🙏🏽🙏🏽 they're the best#hate it how when it's cis people it's “clothes have no gender” but when it's a trans person they have to dress exactly like the stereotype#of their gender. IT'S JUST CLOTHES!!! LET TRANS PEOPLE DRESS LIKE THEY WANT TO JUST LIKE CIS PEOPLE#anyway if anyone gets mad at my fem ishimondos. trans women don't owe you femininity ‼️
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As a genderfluid person and a dazai kinnie, I have given Dazai genderfluid privileges
#Like me he tends to wake up and go on with his day without acknowlodging gender but on occasion there are just those days…#*wakes up* aw shit I’m not my assigned gender at birth#genderfluid#dazai kinnie#dazai osamu#dazai fanart#Bungou stray dogs#bungou gay dogs#bsd#headcanon that chuuya saw dazai like this for the first time when they were like 17 and he had crush panic and avoided dazai#Dazai thought it was transphobia and was really fucking sad about it#Eventually somehow they communicated and now Chuuya is very careful to pronoun Dazai as correctly as he can and affirm dazai#He must hide the fact that dazai in a corset certainly reignites a certain crush from the past seven years#soukoku#skk#He just GIVES me genderqueer vibes look at him#And he passes so well just gotta tuck some hair back and change a few minor details and boom#Bungou stray sogs#Mine#My art
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They say to never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM but it's always before 9PM somewhere. Anyway I think I might be a therian
#don't take this post 100% seriously I've been sick and#crying my eyes out to “no more birthdays” associating the song with trying to relive a childhood that isn't mine (childhood trauuuumaaaaaa)#that's a big problem I have#deep down I always think someday I'm gonna wake up and I will have been born a few years earlier-#so I can be an “appropriate” age to experience all my favorite media as it releases and interact accordingly#i always think- if that were the case I could have avoided my traumatic years and grown up much happier#don't get me wrong- I'm happy right now- you'd be hard pressed to find me on a day I'm not#but there's some existentialism that comes with wanting to magically wake up a different age- in the past- in a different life#I want to have lived any life but mine#and I just keep waiting for it to feel better again#it never does#crowfish crap#that therian part is definitely coinciding with autism and gender non conformity#when I picture myself I immediately picture my fursona- not a human who (at the moment) appears feminine#i hardly know anything about the subculture itself however#blathering#its true btw don't trust how you feel about your life at night time
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something something "fae can't create new stories, it just isn't possible, they are not capable of doing so and doing so would go against their biology, and same with most of the other fae rules, it's all inherently biological" something something "gender is hardwired and biological and to experience it in a way that goes against everything society knows would be impossible" something something,,,,,,,,,,,,,
dandyfae breaking fae rules despite the fact that fae rules are supposedly biological and hardwired into their very DNA ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
#am i cooking or am i cooked. we just don't know!#thinking about how peeved i am with gender the past few days fdsjkl#i hate that i will never escape people trying to assign feminine and/or masculine labels to me. leave me out of all that!!!!#let me be free and exist outside of the gender binary entirely! do not put any semblance of gender on me!#had a big realization the other day that i was feeling bad for dressing cutesy bc ppl view it as feminine when i just... view it as cute.#let me be cutes without putting the ''feminine'' label on me 😭😭#on the other end of things. i'd love to dress like an adventure novel protag without being seen as masculine fdsjkl#pls let me be free of gendered perceptions WAUGHHH#i dont want to be masculine i dont want to be feminine i dont want to be attached to the concept of gender at all#like i just want to exist in whatever way is comfortable and appealing without having ppl shove me into boxes in any form#i am glad other ppl find joy in gender and i know other parts in the system do but i simply dont want anything to do w it for myself#it feels stifling fdsjkl and theres always some way ppl interpret my experience incorrectly if they see me as anything gender-related#dandy🌻#dandy.cmd
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#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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i'm Miss Sugar Pink, liquor, liquor lips
🎀💋🎀
(hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss)
#what is 'too much blush'? what is 'over dressed'? what is 'doing too much'? i dont know her.#hard day today so i dressed up bc looking better when you feel bad is both a shield&form of gospel at this point lmao.#ive been listening to So Much marina(&the diamonds) the past few days. idk. its a whole Mood i think lmao.#(also for the several weird passive aggressive anons i got about the barbie movie look!! i wear the pink! i do the doll look!#am i forgiven yet for feeling weird about gender essentialism&vague tonedeafness as a marketing strategy???)#... i told myself i would let that go lmao. ahh well. 🤷🏽♀️#yas#(my hair is literally its own creature it has a will of its own idk my default hairstyle is Hot Mess)
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WAIT OMG yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of me making that post on my old blog going " hmmm bigenderness seems cool and fits me but idk if thats me guys :/" youuuu stupid motherfucker guess what you are one year later
#mine#even funnier when i made that post that was when my parents sent me off to some stupid religious campus thing for a few days and like.#day one or two i was already questioning my gender while there. LOLLLLL#i remember brushing off the idea of bigenderness being like noooo i cant be BOTH.... i have to be one. NOOO UPU DONTTT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUC#saying this lovingly at my past self<3#VERY funny to me.
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