#my gender in past few days
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#my brain can't stop comparing teutemp and fuhirou#and its making like a new genere of shitpost out of it#my gender in past few days#Gilbert beilschmidt#hws prussia#hetalia prussia#hetalia#hetalia world stars#inazuma eleven#Suzuno Fuusuke#suzuno fuusuke#inazuma eleven suzuno#Suzuno inazuma eleven
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The Quest Continues...
(part 1- part 2)
#Fourfold Soul#<- That's the title of the project I've been working on!#I am very excited to finally show off the cowboy (gender redacted) I've been cooking in a slow boil!!! Yeehaw!#Yes this is the game project. YES I am commited to the bit of having the main character go through a long running pronoun-quest.#This character does not have a name so I cannot formally tag them...#(Okay. Technically they have an internal name for coding/scripting reasons...and I have a nickname for them.#But the important part of making a video game character you get to eventually name is that the name must come from *you*!)#The girl here is a npc so she has a temporary name. So I also cannot tag her. Hmm...#I have several FFS comics thumbnailed out. This one got made first because it's the funniest without context. Lore wise it's weak.#I would love to post the sexy clown but you have to wait just a few more comics.#Fun artist woes moment to share: This is the first time I've had to colour these characters traditionally. *That* was NOT fun.#Going from a specific digital colour palette to being at the whims of my limited colour choices in markers? Hell! On! Earth!#I might also be extra frustrated because this sure is 3x the length of what I usually do for comics! I spent a Whole Day on this.#Past me thought it was soooo funny and needed all the extra panels for pacing. I hate past me. That guy needs to be exploded.
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transfem loop + siffrin... you agree
i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......
#a headcanon is when i say shit like loop has feetie pyjamas.#a reading of the text is when i go jesus christ dude im not sure someone that repressed has a particularly great grasp on their ideal Self#lucabytetalks#isat spoilers#back on the homestuck tangent sometimes i think about how ppl picked up on the trans coding of roxy but were so set in their ways that#they thought it mustve been in the past and not a potential future... and then got real mad about a character being like.#complexly transmasc with a nuianced relationship to gender and not Easily Brushed Off Before The Narrative Begins Binary Trans Woman#one of the few times i think ive seen it be That way around? but i think it comes down to that whole. visible transgenderism happening#during the plot vs Invisible transgenderism that shh its okay you dont have to actually think about you can just say for brownie points#BUT MAYHAPS THAT IS MEAN. mayhaps that is mean. but i know what i saw back in the day.#sighs homestuck tangent over anyway uhhh yeah hold on isat fans ill throw you a new bone instead of getting off topic uhhh#isabeau seems like such a pragmatic planner to me i think theyve got contingency plans for whatever family they want to have in future#logical nerd with his transition timeline planned out and it includes a flowchart with an 'IF partner has X then i need Y to have a kid'#shrodingers op isabeau . guy with a gender spreadsheet and punnet squares. i think it being that methodical is funny#it also speaks to his occasional hesitance but thats too dark of a read i think im not going to stake anything serious on that#i have thoughts on isa but they're more obviously aligned with what he literally says with his words in-game. not really much worth#elaborating on besides poking at how his insecurities and appeasement to others might inform his literal decisions#i have maybe a few bullet points in my head for him. not 7k words
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girl help i cant stop shittily tracing over kuron screencaps to make Biblically Accurate oc drawings (these all looks so cursed jesus christ).
#my art#my funky guys#this is Wrong. this is so so fucking cursed. why do they look like thatttt.#also im way too lazy to go scour the internet for a baby shiro screencap from that one episode so. no ryou:/#can you guys tell im procrastinating af from the amount of self indulgent vld au shit ive posted in the past few days#anyway I <3 GIVING MY OCS GENDER DYSPHORIA#sorry webs. and bud. and everyone else really. this is how i entertain myself
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I fully headcanon Peter Parker as nonbinary, but I feel like he'd be the definition of that "I'm probably nonbinary, but I have a job so idc about that rn" tweet. Like he's nb and he knows this, but he's also spiderman so he just kinda goes forever without ever even thinking about it or telling anyone
And the mentioned tweet:
#like he'd be too focused on saving people to really unpack his gender#and it'd go on for like years#I've been spending the past few days watching gameplay of the spiderman 2 game so now i have eight billion spiderman thoughts again#i might write a nb peter fic related to the games#it's in my brain#peter parker#nonbinary peter parker#spiderman
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i’m. so confused
#not necessary to read i’m just sending words into the void bc these past few months have been so stressful and then my brain is like#do you know what we should do right now? we should develop a crush and spiral over NOTHINGGGG#normally i shake crushes off in a week’s time maybe a lil longer if we’re talking a lot#but Man.jpeg i’m down bad for a friend of mine and the weirdest thing is: it’s a girl#i’ve always had thoughts about gender and how i didn’t feel like a girl but more like girl lite but this is totally new to me#literally get nervous and can’t make eye contact with her for more than a second at a time. my stomach feels weird when she giggles#planning a hangout feels so high stakes bc i wanna make sure she has fun#we chat every day and make consistent plans and i’m literally rethinking everything i thought i ‘knew’ about my relationship preferences#i kinda wanna hold hands with her and see where this goes but i’m so scared of leading her on if it’s just my brain goin crazy#idk man#jo tag
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Art dump
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst fanart#twisted wonderland fanart#genderbend#fem twst#twst vil#rook hunt#vil shoenheit#rook twst#epel felmier#twst epel#I’ve been doing these over the course of a few days and more#lots of water color experements that I was not proud of and one that was good till it ripped rip vil#tried that hairspray hack for sealing in graphite and so far it works I heard it yellows over time but yolo ig I want my stuff to be prince#my silly little sketchbook is for my silly things#is also it every version of the the twst cast gender bent ? yes . is it because I’m biased ? yes.#at least over 30 (quote) people (quote) who have followed me in the past few months have been bots . it’s very disheartening
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What if my name was Emily. Just Emily, no Mia involved whatsoever, just good ol fashioned E M I L Y
There's even nicknames ! Em, Emmy, Emma (it's literally a different name but some people use it as a nickname??), so many more options than Mia
#really souring on the name mia as of late#like I only half picked the name through pretty dumb circumstances#it was suggested as the best option to me by a rando school counselor for a reason that didn't even end up being followed through on#and for the past like decade I've been the at best androgynous guy people know that just so happens to go by mia#ignoring all the weird gender nuances I feel I know nobody saw me as a girl during that time#not to mention the sheer number of people that know both my (former) preference for mia and my dead name. not a fan of that#but now I'm on hrt and although I don't pass I can make it very very obvious I'm not a cis male at least#and I'm moving in a few months and nobody there needs to think of me as either a cis guy or by my dead name#even if they're dicks about it I'd rather be the tranny emily than Weird Cis Guy Named Mia that everyone saw (well. sees) me as#god I feel like I've end up thinking about this every time I can't fall asleep these days#it's either that or my totally normal and normal (not to mention normal) feelings regarding [-]#I wish I wasn't out of edibles already damn I just wanna sleep#god I need to shut up#I might be very sleeped deprived. experts say it may be possible#this isn't even a big deal why do I care so much about it and why am I so nervous to actually follow through on it. nobody else cares
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If I ever draw fem Ishimondo. I fear I might anger some people
#theo is rambling again#really thinking about them for the past few days... Ishimondo girlies... Ishimondo sapphics...#love me my t4t ishimondo 🙏🏽🙏🏽 they're the best#hate it how when it's cis people it's “clothes have no gender” but when it's a trans person they have to dress exactly like the stereotype#of their gender. IT'S JUST CLOTHES!!! LET TRANS PEOPLE DRESS LIKE THEY WANT TO JUST LIKE CIS PEOPLE#anyway if anyone gets mad at my fem ishimondos. trans women don't owe you femininity ‼️
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i'm Miss Sugar Pink, liquor, liquor lips
🎀💋🎀
(hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss)
#what is 'too much blush'? what is 'over dressed'? what is 'doing too much'? i dont know her.#hard day today so i dressed up bc looking better when you feel bad is both a shield&form of gospel at this point lmao.#ive been listening to So Much marina(&the diamonds) the past few days. idk. its a whole Mood i think lmao.#(also for the several weird passive aggressive anons i got about the barbie movie look!! i wear the pink! i do the doll look!#am i forgiven yet for feeling weird about gender essentialism&vague tonedeafness as a marketing strategy???)#... i told myself i would let that go lmao. ahh well. 🤷🏽♀️#yas#(my hair is literally its own creature it has a will of its own idk my default hairstyle is Hot Mess)
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something something "fae can't create new stories, it just isn't possible, they are not capable of doing so and doing so would go against their biology, and same with most of the other fae rules, it's all inherently biological" something something "gender is hardwired and biological and to experience it in a way that goes against everything society knows would be impossible" something something,,,,,,,,,,,,,
dandyfae breaking fae rules despite the fact that fae rules are supposedly biological and hardwired into their very DNA ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
#am i cooking or am i cooked. we just don't know!#thinking about how peeved i am with gender the past few days fdsjkl#i hate that i will never escape people trying to assign feminine and/or masculine labels to me. leave me out of all that!!!!#let me be free and exist outside of the gender binary entirely! do not put any semblance of gender on me!#had a big realization the other day that i was feeling bad for dressing cutesy bc ppl view it as feminine when i just... view it as cute.#let me be cutes without putting the ''feminine'' label on me 😭😭#on the other end of things. i'd love to dress like an adventure novel protag without being seen as masculine fdsjkl#pls let me be free of gendered perceptions WAUGHHH#i dont want to be masculine i dont want to be feminine i dont want to be attached to the concept of gender at all#like i just want to exist in whatever way is comfortable and appealing without having ppl shove me into boxes in any form#i am glad other ppl find joy in gender and i know other parts in the system do but i simply dont want anything to do w it for myself#it feels stifling fdsjkl and theres always some way ppl interpret my experience incorrectly if they see me as anything gender-related#dandy🌻#dandy.cmd
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WAIT OMG yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of me making that post on my old blog going " hmmm bigenderness seems cool and fits me but idk if thats me guys :/" youuuu stupid motherfucker guess what you are one year later
#mine#even funnier when i made that post that was when my parents sent me off to some stupid religious campus thing for a few days and like.#day one or two i was already questioning my gender while there. LOLLLLL#i remember brushing off the idea of bigenderness being like noooo i cant be BOTH.... i have to be one. NOOO UPU DONTTT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUC#saying this lovingly at my past self<3#VERY funny to me.
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ough periods are SO weird when ur genderfluid and sex ambivalent
#marzi speaks#pseudosexuality moment#WAUGH!! WHAT IS HAPPEN#like. ok i’m pretty sure i’m pmsing at the moment#bc the pseudosexuality has been going. CRAZY!!! among other things#like. i keep almost having a libido? it’s freaky and it makes me far too aware of the fact that i have sex organs#i don’t know when i did it but i divorced my physical body from the concept of gender and sex so fucking long ago#so it is SO weird to be reminded of it. like. nuh uh. no that’s not a thing i do#so i’ve been like dissociating a little the past few days#and i can’t tell if it’s because i’m feeling sex-repulsed (which tends to happen when my hormones do hormone things)#or if i’m feeling dysphoric because the idea of being biologically gendered is gross and yucky#fuck! maybe it’s both! i dunno!#at least i’m not super emotional like i was last pms. that one was. it was a time
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Was stimming so hard I genuinely worried I managed to break my own neck for a second
#my back hurts now >:'(#anyways ive been feeling a special kind of mentally ill the past few days#as if spending $200 on sims 4 expansion packs doesnt say enough#BUT GUYS I USED TO BE SUCH A HORSE GIRL WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND THEY HAVE HORSES NOW AND MY INNER CHILD GOES YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH#*deep breath* dont make this about sims *more deep breaths* no sims no horses#I OWN A FFUFUCKING RANCH YALL IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF WHEN I WAS LITTLE#the horses! they are SO pretty!#sim 3 is still my baby though 4 is just a side bitch ✋🙄#tried to move everything to steam so i deleted origin and then... had to download it again#I FUCKING HATE ORIGIN RAAAAAAHHHHH#im feeling so very hmmnnhggnrggg#shitpost#shitposting#stimming#stimblr#forgive my tags i dont really explore much of Tumblr#i come to the restaurant and the menu is all tags for my hot elven boys i either crush on or get severe gender envy from#my dash is seriously just cats and elves and im not about to go change that okay#augh i have no idea what to tag this#like stimming is a thing for a lot of disorders and while i probably have some of them and just haven't been diagnosed i dont wanna give off#the impression that im part of that “community”#but hey im a real hit with autistic ppl apparently since pretty much all of my old friends were autistic and we all vibed good#probably just means im somewhere on the spectrum too considering one of them initially approached me BECAUSE they thought i was autistic#them: hey i know this might sound offensive but i mean this nicely. are you autistic too?#me with two chew necklaces in my mouth rubbing my feet on the carpet trying to focus and failing miserably: fuck if i know#look ive grown up with autistic ppl my whole life so ive never really thought to research. its just been... a normal thing to me?#so i dont know a lot but i do know either i fit the critera or ive just subconsciously snatched traits from my childhood bestie#the amount of times I've been asked if i am autistic though is... well its certainly made me notice my behaviors more#and WOW have the rants in tags seriously derailed today#i love writing in tags its like a little secret message for little secret tag readers
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I just washed my face and stuff and since I washed my hair earlier it's in it's fuzzy state and I have on a tank top w my zip up blue hoodie and I looked like a pirate boy and the tape peaking up over my tank top looked like tape over a wound or something and it was really nice for my gender
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pretty sure i'm a gay man right now and honestly it's been funny. all of a sudden these men who i found objectively attractive but i wasn't attracted to them are now the hottest people alive and i've never wanted anyone more
#idk man the gender stuff in the past couple years has been pretty interesting#especially as it relates to my sexuality#i think i've got it figured out now though (9 years later...)#i'm genderfluid and my sexuality also is fluid#i've just noticed my shifts in gender happen more frequently now and i understand it better#but it's been fun to discover esp with the sexuality thing. i'm a gay man rn but i was a non binary lesbian a few years ago#and most of the time these past couple years i've been pretty agender and bisexual#anyway. its fun. but i am so insanely attracted to a very different type of person these days than i had been before#tree talks
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