#I might be very sleeped deprived. experts say it may be possible

[heartfulrosebud]

What if my name was Emily. Just Emily, no Mia involved whatsoever, just good ol fashioned E M I L Y

There's even nicknames ! Em, Emmy, Emma (it's literally a different name but some people use it as a nickname??), so many more options than Mia

[scripttorture]

Hello! I have a few questions related to your most recent post and the definition of torture. You said:

"A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture."

According to everything else I have seen on your blog, this makes sense - the mental and physical trauma from being tortured have lasting effects which make certain tasks more difficult.

However, this seems to juxtapose certain tropes I've seen in US military training advertisements. For example, "Hell Week" in the Navy SEAL training seems like it would be torture if it was forced upon someone (like if the soldiers didn't sign up for it and didn't have the option to quit.). *Hell Week is when soldiers are training continuously for 5 days in freezing, wet conditions, with little more than 4 hours of sleep for the entire week, under insane amounts of physical and mental stress.

- If someone chose to be tested both mentally and physically, I feel like it wouldn't be torture. However, if the same exact conditions were forced upon someone else (testing their mental and physical limits without their consent or understanding), does your quote above mean that the person who did not have a choice would not reap the benefits of the training/testing? Or would the Navy SEALs be better soldiers if they didn't have to go through 'torturous conditions' during Hell Week, regardless of their choice to do so?

(I used Hell Week as an example, but I meant this question generally. I'm trying to figure out how to best train an elite soldier and avoid any harmful torture apologia tropes, while also making sure that they are able to handle insanely challenging situations)

- My other question has more to do with the definition of torture that you quoted from the UN in one of your master posts. If someone is being seriously injured (pulled fingernails, whipping, starvation etc), but not for the purposes of interrogation, punishment, or intimidation, is that still torture, or is that just abuse? And, regardless of what we call it, would the effects be the same as if it were torture for any of the three motives above?

Sorry if this is long and hard to understand, I can clarify if needed!

It’s not the longest I’ve gotten and it’s perfectly clear, duck*. :) Honestly this is a difficult topic with a lot of nuance, it’s better to take a longer and more thoughtful approach.

 From the stand point of the legal definition and what we study/understand as torture any consensual activity, however extreme, is not torture.

 But here’s where it gets interesting: consent and our attitude to an activity actually changes our response to pain. It may even change how much pain we feel.

 I’m going to take a slightly different example to yours. There are a lot of cultures globally that have practiced scarification, ritual cutting to deliberately form scars. And this can be done for a lot of reasons: membership of a family or clan, coming of age, traditional medicine, religion, you get the idea.

 A lot of people in these cultures describe their scars as incredibly important and the process of getting them as a moving, deep and positive process.

 This does not mean they wouldn’t be traumatised if they were attacked by someone with a knife.

 Being able to approach something painful and see it as positive really changes our perspective. It makes trauma and mental illness a lot less likely. And being able to back out, even if it’s just for a little while to take a breather, seems to make us able to withstand more pain then we would have otherwise.

 The simplest and most famous experiment that dealt with this relationship between our mindset and pain asked people to keep their hands in ice cold water. They timed how long people could do it when they were told to stay silent and how long they could do it when they were allowed to swear. If they swore they could hold their hands under for longer. An average of forty seconds longer.

 Looking back over O’Mara (Why Torture Doesn’t Work, a very good intro to how pain works and what it does to the brain) the way he describes it as by thinking of the experience of pain as a collection of three things. There’s the physical sensation itself, the nerves firing. But there’s also an affective component, how we feel emotionally about the experience and a cognitive component, how we think about it.

 Did you ever play that game as a kid where you stuff as many chilis as possible in your mouth to see who would spit them out first? I… might have done. And from what I remember it hurts an awful lot. But those memories to me are mostly about messing about with my friends, I remember trying to be stubborn about it and I remember us laughing at each other.

 This is a completely different experience to someone being held down and having chili stuff up their nose. But the difference isn’t necessarily in the physical damage done or the physical sensation of pain. It’s in the other components, the emotional response and the rationalisation.

 I also had a filling drilled in my tooth without painkillers as a kid. I don’t know how common this is in the West? It happened in Saudi. Honestly my biggest memory of it is the language barrier between myself and the dentist.

 These are anecdotes obviously but I’m trying to show that you probably also have experiences in your own life that back up the experiments too. The way we think about a painful experience really does make a huge amount of difference. And that means consent matters enormously.

 These soldiers are going into this experience knowing what to expect, how long it will last and that they can stop at any time. That makes a huge amount of difference. Those same factors have drastically increased the time volunteers will spend in solitary confinement for research. I’m pretty sure if I dug even a little I’d find pain studies with similar findings.

 Here’s the flip side: the physical factors are still in play.

 Sleep is an important physiological process that’s essential to normal functioning. Studies on consensual sleep deprivation have shown massive negative impacts on memory along with a host of other things that you can read about here.

 Let’s take a non torture example. A student who stays up all night cramming for an exam is not going to develop the symptoms of trauma that a torture survivors who was sleep deprived would. But the effect sleep deprivation has on memory is due to sleep playing an essential role in preserving memory (and learning more generally.) So they’re both likely to have difficulty remembering things in days just before and just after sleep deprivation. They’re also both more likely to have false memories and catch a bad cold.

 As a result of this memory impairment I question the educational value of anything involving sleep deprivation: you can’t learn while messing up the processes that let your brain remember things.

 There have been cases in the UK of people dying during training for the armed forces. Because while consent makes a huge difference, mindset makes a huge difference- our bodies still have limits. We can choose to push ourselves past those limits and, whatever our motivation or feelings, it can do real harm.

 Personally? I’m unsure of the benefit of these kinds of exercises. As in I’m unsure there is a benefit. Learning is going to be shot, chances of injury are going to be a lot higher- I don’t see anything that could be improved by these sorts of exercises.

 Anecdotally people do report feeling like a closer unit after going through these sorts of routines. That might be the benefit: moral and unit cohesion, possibly self-esteem too.

 If you’re making up something for your story I think it’d be helpful for me to mention a little statistical effect that gets used to justify punishment pretty regularly. Get some dice out if you’ve got them and roll one. Let’s say the number represents performance in some kind of test (because effort and learning matter but our performance also varies because of things we can’t control.) A roll of 1 gets punished, a roll of 6 gets praised.

 Now after you roll that first 1 statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be better. And if you roll a 6 then statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be worse. People observe this effect in real life and they often conclude that there’s no point in praising someone but that punishment leads to improvement. Really it’s just a statistical effect, after a particularly, noticeably bad day the chances are things will be better next and vice versa.

 This effect can make it difficult for people to recognise overall, long term progress. Which is the kind of progress you should be paying attention to when designing a training program.

 If you want good performance from people, whatever the metric, the most efficient thing to do is ensure that those people are; well fed, have access to clean water, get plenty of sleep, have breaks and have access to medical treatment when they need it.

 I’d say the main things to keep in mind when designing this fictional training regime are:

Being honest about the effects you describe, ie if they’re spending long periods without shelter are they at risk from exposure? If they’re standing in cold water are they going to get hypothermia?

Remember that even if something is damaging or causes lasting trauma it would not necessarily prevent someone from doing their job. Torture survivors have serious, lasting symptoms but many of them still work.

 I think I’m going to leave that there because I’m not an expert in militaries or training people. And keep in mind that I am a pacifist, read this with my biases in mind.

 Getting to the second question, there is a little more to the UN definition then that. The primary factor is still who the abuser is. For it to be torture (legally speaking) the abuser has to be (or be ordered by) an on-duty government employee, part of a group that controls territory (ie an occupying force). Some countries also count international organised criminal gangs in this definition.

 It’s also important to note that torture can be targetted at someone other then the victim. So if the police arrest the brother of a political opponent and beat him in order to intimidate the politician, that is still torture.

 Basically there are a lot of factors in the legal definition of torture and it’s that way by design. The hope is that you end up with a framework that captures as much government abuse as possible.

 But it also means that there’s a pretty high barrier when it comes to proving torture. Which means that things which are legally torture can be prosecuted as assault, bodily harm or equivalents to these, because it’s easier to get a conviction for those charges.

 Technically you are correct: if abuse done by a government official doesn’t have one of the four motivations in the legal definition (attempts to obtain information, forcing a confession, intimidation or punishment) then it doesn’t meet the definition.

 However in practice I’ve not heard of a case failing because of the motive.

 I’m not a lawyer and I’m not an expert in international law. I won’t say it’s never happened. But it’s much more common for cases to fail for other reasons. Off the top of my head I’d say the most common reason is difficulty proving the abuse took place.

 The most common types of torture today are ‘clean’, a term we use to indicate that they don’t leave obvious marks. If someone turns up with fingernails torn out or the skin of their back lacerated by a whip that is clear physical evidence of abuse. Nothing else causes similar injuries. But if someone turns up at a doctor’s with swollen feet or reddened skin, if they’ve lost a lot of weight or they’re so tired they’re struggling to stand… Well all of those things can be caused by common tortures. But they can also be caused by common illnesses.

 A lot of the deaths from torture today are similarly hard to prove. Beatings and stress positions ultimately cause death by kidney failure. Which can mean that prosecutors are asked to prove a victim didn’t have an underlying health condition. Or take drugs.

 Honestly my instinct is that the motive is the easiest thing to prove. It’s often harder to bring charges against people in positions of authority, regardless of the country we’re talking about. Bringing those charges, proving abuse took place and proving it was done by the person in question, those are usually the tricky parts.

 The difference between torture and abuse is scale. Torture is industrial scale abuse.

 The law doesn’t define that scale but that’s what we’re talking about when we talk about abuse from organised authority. Abusers might have dozens of victims. Torturers have thousands, tens of thousands.

 If you want to explore a different motivation in your story, something outside the legal framework, consider the scale at which this abuse is taking place. Consider how organised it is. If it’s organised and large scale, with multiple abusers, with no prior relationship between the abuser and victims then torture will probably be a better model then abuse. If it’s smaller scale with a more personal relationship and if it isn’t supported by a legal framework/organisation then abuse might be a better model.

 For victims and survivors the difference isn’t so much about the symptoms they personally experience as the… side effect of that scale. Abuse victims are often very isolated and may not know anyone who has had a similar experience. Torture implies a community of survivors and possibly generational trauma. There are also effects to do with access to support, access to medical care and how likely it is that someone will be believed.

 Torture survivors are often systematically disenfranchised in a way that abuse victims are not. Torture survivors are often forced to leave their home country. Anecdotally, based on what I’ve seen globally over the last few years, I think that struggling to get citizenship is increasingly an issue for torture survivors. And without citizenship there’s difficulty finding legal work, getting accommodation, accessing medical care, accessing the legal system etc.

 I do not know whether torture survivors are more or less likely to be believed by their community compared to survivors of abuse. I do not think any one has attempted a comparative study. I do know that the prevalence of clean torture means that many torture survivors are not believed and this puts up a further barrier, making it harder to access medical treatment and bring charges.

 Rejali’s book was published in 2009, so things may have changed a tad. At the time he was writing the average wait for a torture survivor to see a specialist doctor was about 10 years.

 Abuse is to torture what murder is to genocide. And there are difference on a wider social scale as a result.

 I mention all that because I feel it’s relevant but the impression I get is you’re mostly interested in the long term symptoms? In which case, yes the legal definition makes very little difference. The physical injuries caused by particular kinds of abuse don’t change depending on whether it’s a private individual or a police officer holding the Taser.

 The lasting psychological symptoms are not particular to torture; they’re what the human brain does when traumatised. The same symptoms can manifest in people who witness traumatic events but weren’t actually hurt themselves. They can manifest in people who were injured in accidents and they manifest in people who were neglected or abused. Hell, I have a couple of them, though no where near the severity a torture survivors would experience. A sufficient amount of stress is enough for these symptoms to start developing in anybody.

 You can find the general list of symptoms here. There’s also a post specifically about memory problems over here.

 The pattern I describe; that these symptoms are a list of possibilities not ‘every torture victim will get all of these’ holds true for trauma survivors generally. Anecdotally there is some variability with chronic pain being reported more often with some kinds of abuse. That might be because it can have physical causes, psychological causes or a mix of the two.

 Whether it’s torture or abuse there isn’t any way to predict a survivor’s symptoms in advance. Much of the advice I have about writing torture survivors and their symptoms holds true for trauma survivors generally. Which is why I’ll still take a crack at some questions that aren’t about torture.

 Pick the symptoms that you feel fit the character and serve the story. We can’t predict symptoms and that means that there’s no reason why you shouldn’t pick the things that appeal to you.

 And I think I’m going to leave it there. I hope that helps :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*This is a weird English endearment. I had someone ask if this was me trying not to swear. 

[amerasdreams]

F, G, and M for the fic asks!!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

This is the first thing I thought of. It may not be perfect or anything, but it introduces Gray, a formidable nemesis for Jason, and they get to have a bit of repartee, their personal philosophies clashing, until the veneer of civility from Gray collapses completely.

~

"When did you first find out about the weapon?" asked Gray. Akim stood, hands behind his back, near Nadira; Nadira leaned against the wall, looking on with interest.

"I'm not going to answer any of your questions, you know."

"The answer to that question isn't classified."

"Do I look like I've been willing to cooperate?"

"You look like you could use a rest from not cooperating."

Jason leaned back against the tool shelf. "So you're the good cop, is that it?"

"Maybe."

"That's a pretty old trick."

"Would you rather we used a different 'trick'?" He rose, and walked toward Jason. "For instance, I could use this—" he brandished his cigarette, the smoke trailing through the air—"as motivation."

Jason tried to keep his face impassive. "Torture doesn't work."

Gray clicked his tongue. "That's just an official platitude. You and I both know that in expert hands, it does work. Bludgeoning your way through, though, like amateurs—" he waved in the general direction of Akim and Nadira—"most often results in either false intel, or an unconscious subject." He dropped the cigarette onto the floor, ground it with his heel.

"It is true that one of my problems is that you are a seasoned agent who's been interrogated several times before. You can resist most forms of questioning—intimidation, deprivation, physical pain, even most chemical coercion."

"So you might as well give up now."

"Except that if I gave up, I'd be losing a very valuable commodity."

"You don't even know what it is. How do you know how valuable it is?"

"You created an elaborate diversion in Egypt for the sake of escaping with the weapon. Anything worth that much trouble is worth looking into."

"Just how do you fit into all of this? Are you working for Nadira, or is it the other way around?"

Gray smiled. "Let's just say we have mutual interests.

"So, I'm curious. How would you elicit high-stakes intel from a recalcitrant subject-himself an agent with almost twenty years of experience?"

"You want to know how I would do things."

"One agent to another."

"Well," said Jason, "I wouldn't use torture, for one. And, let me see. I'd give the agent a nice, comfortable place to sit down. I'd give him water, food. I'd let him sleep without knocking him out first. In fact, I'd give him the best treatment possible."

"And you think this would get results."

"Maybe, maybe not. But my conscience would be clear."

"In this business, a conscience is a liability."

"I believe that we should at least try to live up to the ideals that we uphold."

"Perhaps the ones who cling to their ideals at the cost of practicality are doing their cause a disservice by not being willing to sacrifice everything, even their souls, to defeat the adversaries of their cause."

"By winning that way, haven't you changed what you've won? I mean, if you're willing to go that far, I'm not sure I'd want to live in a world like that. It sounds a little too much like Nazi Germany. Or a terrorist's paradise."

"We're talking about extremes there, I suppose. Selling your soul might not be completely necessary in this game, but compromise is. For instance, a spy has to construct a complex lie in order to survive long enough to perform his duty. It's just the way things are."

"We do have to compromise. But when you get so absorbed in the performance of your role you forget even what truth looks like, you've betrayed your mission."

"How so?"

"I lost sight of it so much that I caused the death of an innocent girl. Nadira's sister."

"It wasn't your fault."

"But what I did resulted in her death."

"Some would say you are being overly sensitive. These things happen. 'Acceptable collateral' I believe is the term."

Jason whirled on Gray, chain clinking, pulling against his ankle. Gray stepped back, out of his reach.

"I will never accept an innocent life as merely 'collateral'," said Jason.

Gray looked at him, as if sizing him up. "You're a good agent, Jason. I've seen your file. I've also seen the notes on why you left. It was not even about the death of a girl at that point. It was about 'feelings'. You felt you'd gone too far in pursuit of Grote, lied for the sake of the truth. You have a conscience, fine. But if you'd learn to ignore it, not all the time, but when it matters, you'd still be working for the Agency. Still doing good, putting the 'bad guys' in prison."

"Sorry, but some things are even more important to me than my job. My relationship with people I love. With God."

"God," scoffed Gray. "That would open a whole new avenue of discussion.

"But, as interesting as this has been, I want to keep things moving.

"Akim—come over here."

Akim stepped over beside Gray. "Yes?"

"Make sure the prisoner does what I tell him."

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I never, ever write scenes out of order. I've written whole stories out of order, that is, with fanfic I wrote Quest for Nobility, Jason's 1st mission, but within each story I write totally chronologically. It just works best for me to see time the way the characters do. Because when I'm in their POV, I become them and I don't want to have an artificial distance between me and the character.

~

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

Well - I have ideas for after Generation but I don't want to spoil it. They are back in Odyssey and things are more normal. Dealing with the new normal, that is.

I've also had a vague idea of making some sort of crossover with Odyssey. I tried to do a crossover with Alias long ago.... I've thought about Parks and Rec in passing but idk how that would work. X-files?? I was just thinking of something....

also I love Darkness Before Dawn, I've thought about an AU for that.... but idk if I would ever try these ideas. I have to finish what I'm working on first.

[clunelover]

I’m going to attempt a cut because this may be my longest ever post

Okay here is the long post I’ve been writing and rewriting and adding to in my head:

I love my BFF. She’s wonderful and giving and insightful and funny and we’ve been through some Real Shit together, such as me getting evicted from our college apartment and dropping out of school due to my then-blossoming mental illness. Her realizing she is bisexual and trying to figure out what that meant for her life going forward, and then finding her now husband and planning a wedding while he had a mental health crisis and had to go to treatment (same as what I did but like up a level in intensity). At times she and I have been possibly too enmeshed. Okay. So, current challenges are based on a lot of backstory, some of which I’ve posted about on here before but not all:

Her now husband has been in treatment for mental health twice. Once around Thanksgiving before last, and he is there again now. Last week he stepped down after like four weeks inpatient, and now is onto the day program like I did, only currently it’s all from home on video.

When this was all going down the first time, their wedding was 6 months away. I struggled a lot over how much to say, and ultimately told her I thought she should at least postpone, maybe cancel. And when he came out of treatment that first time, he even said he wanted to postpone! She declined, citing social pressure and embarrassment and save the dates having gone out. I think an unspoken part of it was that she wants a baby real bad, so she thought they should just push through, get to baby making, deal with whatever fallout later?

But in between finishing treatment and the wedding, he continued to mess up - he does a lot of avoiding (including of work) and when he’s ashamed, his first instinct is to lie. So she kept having incident after incident of “discovering” that he’d been lying about going to work. Or hiding some additional debt (and also not paying on it). At this point I think I told her, just financially speaking, you should not tie yourself to this person. She did not like me saying that, and eventually I said I could not hear any more about his fuckups. Because she kept giving him ultimatums, but never followed through on them, and I just could not go on that roller coaster. That was a tough moment in our friendship. Conversation became very strained because so much was happening that I had opted out of hearing about. I still don’t know if that was the right thing to do. I tried to support her emotionally but that was difficult under that boundary I set.

Then they got married last May. After lots of talk with my therapist I decided that I should still go to the wedding and be matron of honor and stuff, because I was doing it out of love for her. And I do actually like him a lot too! Just had and have a lot of concerns.

After the wedding things seemed pretty good, he got a job at a dog daycare and seemed to really love that (or maybe before wedding, who can recall).

BFF was officially game on, full court press for baby. I’m 34 which means I think she’s 35 and turning 36 soon.

Sometime in fall he got fired from dog daycare for badmouthing the owner and then getting into a shouting match (!) with them. In January he got a new job, as an assistant manager at a grocery store. I did not say this to BFF but my initial thought was “if he can’t hack dog daycare how can he assistant manage a busy grocery store?”

I think he lasted a month at grocery store. Then he started punking out and calling in because his “feet hurt.” BFF freaked out because she assumed he was going to lose another job. She apparently had some very firm conversation with him about how she wasn’t happy and almost none of her needs were being met. A couple days later he told her he’d been feeling suicidal and needs to go back to treatment. OH and somewhere in there things also went off the rails with trying for baby. I think he has performance issues in addition to low libido, AND the thought of becoming a dad was triggering. For instance, he was supposed to give a semen sample for analysis but freaked out just being in the clinic for it and left. When BFF told me all this she kept asking “is this okay” and “is this too triggering for you to hear” and at first I thought she meant because of how I also was having a flare up in mental health symptoms due to stressful job, but then later I realized it was because of my previous “can’t hear this stuff anymore” edict. But honestly, I feel totally different about that now! They’re married. The disaster (in my view at least) that I was trying to prevent did happen. So nothing feels urgent or painful to me now, other than sadness for her.

While he was inpatient, BFF had been driving his car because it’s nicer than hers, and then it got reposssed so like she came out one morning and it just wasn’t in the driveway. She knew he’d been very behind on payments, like to the point he had a small claim against him, but she thought he’d finally dealt with that and set up a payment plan. When she called him to say what was going on his inclination was to drop out of treatment and come home early to “deal with it,” which he was eventually talked out of.

So THAT is just to get caught up on past events! Sheesh, this is so long. So my current agitations (some of which are serious and some petty) are:

I’m worried that when his back is against the wall he claims mental breakdown to evade responsibility. This feels very mean of me to think, and also he’s been assessed by experts who presumably can tell when someone is making it up, so...I know he really must not be! But this still feels like the pattern.

Another petty thought is that I too have some heavy duty diagnoses and childhood trauma, but I’ve got it together and manage my mental health very avidly to stay as healthy as possible, so why can’t he. ALSO NOT FAIR! I know that. But it keeps popping into my head. It’s shitty that I can relate to him so well and yet it almost makes me LESS sympathetic. Something for me to work on.

I also worry that the instinct to lie is something that’s hard to get rid of. I know because I have it! I think I have stopped listening to it but it still comes up. And how can you have a good marriage with someone who regularly lies about important things. I don’t think you can.

BFF’s current line is that she’s going to wait til he finishes treatment but then she wants to go back to intense trying for baby. And that if he doesn’t want to, or says he needs to wait, she might want to get divorced. She says she’s put a lot on hold for him and can’t wait anymore. So, yes, she has. And there is the matter of age that is also a consideration. But this feels so mixed up to me! Like, the time for strict ultimatums and maybe splitting up was a couple years ago! Now he is working on some serious mental health stuff and it seems unfair, and possibly undermining of his progress, to say “well I’ve waited long enough so impregnate me now or else”...but also I do think it seems likely and possibly for the best that they’d end up divorced, so what do I care if she rushes that process along?

Big picture though, I don’t think he’s ready to be a dad or maybe doesn’t even want to be. I feel so sad for BFF because he was her first real boyfriend and she was kind of desperate for this to work, so she has just always grilled him about his desire for marriage and kids or what his timeline is, and has taken any vague affirmative response as total agreement. Like they were at the mall and Gymboree was going out of business so he suggested going in and buying a onesie. So, you know, proof positive that he really wants a baby ASAP too!! 😞 ...so, again, even though it feels somehow unfair to me that she’d start pushing on him now, I suppose it’s better that it come out sooner rather than later if that is the case

She also just totally steamrolls him, see getting married even though he asked to postpone, so I really hope she doesn’t steamroll him into having a baby if he doesn’t want one...

She’d never say it, but I get the sense that deep down she thinks let’s just have the baby and if he’s in a bad way I’ll just do all the work. She’s kind of a control freak so she may feel like she’d prefer that! But I think she overestimates how much harder it would be to have a baby while the other adult in the house can’t help you, won’t get a job, etc. than to just DO it alone for real.

I think she is also glossing over how having a baby and the attendant sleep deprivation can make mental health issues get much worse. Like when I was pregnant with Edie, my psychiatrist strongly recommended I just not even try to breastfeed, so that Jeremy could take night feedings because of how crazy I could go without enough sleep. I did not listen but she may have been right! I did go pretty fucking crazy, with both kids.

Oh! And she also has this big plan that he’s going to get on disability. I have all kinds of feelings and opinions about this. Like, rightly or wrongly, I don’t think he’d meet the criteria for this. Also she keeps saying “well he lost his last three jobs due to mental illness” but...does getting fired for screaming at your boss and telling them “you’re terrible” count as losing job due to mental illness?? But she’s so sure this will work and I have trouble engaging with it and being supportive because it feels delusional to me. It’s also making her view all issues of disability through this lens. Like, my stepmom is anxious and as a result very scatterbrained and inarticulate, and she’s also not worked in a few years partly due to health concerns (but like, complications from gastric bypass...not a disability) and BFF keeps saying “why doesn’t stepmom get on disability?” And I’m like “UMMMM because she’s not disabled??” I did finally tell her to stop saying that to me. But yeah, it’s just hard because again, it feels delusional, but she’s going ahead with it so what’s the point of me being harsh about how much I don’t think it’ll work?

Okay last one - she likes to source opinions and experiences from other people to help her think things through. She’s always been close to my stepmom, who had to divorce my dad because of how bad his drinking got, and my dad is also disabled (for real!) so she spent a lot of time as a caregiver. So BFF has had a lot of long phone conversations with stepmom about all that. I also have another friend whose husband is too mentally ill to work (but not on disability! Which BFF also keeps bringing up). He’s been out of work for years and they have two kids and to be fair, their life does seem crazy to me from the outside, but that friend seems to have her eyes open about everything and feels it’s working for her for now. Anyway, that husband has ALSO done the program that BFF’s husband and I have done, so when he first went in BFF wanted to have a chat with this friend about her experience, so we all met up to chat. She was very up front and blunt - “if we didn’t have kids we’d be divorced” and “we haven’t had sex in years”...but now, BFF basically uses this friend and my stepmom’s relationship with my dad as sort of justifications in her mind - “well I’m not THAT bad!” which I hate. Especially wrt to friend whose husband doesn’t work - “I’d never let it get that bad. I’d have left before now. I’d say he had to get a job or get on disability” etc etc. This drives me craaaaazy. Like, remind me not to introduce you to people to have a heart-to-heart if you’re just going to use them as your mental worst case scenario. Also, bitch, you wouldn’t “let it get that bad?” YOU ARE ON THE ROAD TO “THAT BAD” RIGHT NOW! Your husband lost three jobs in as many years. You also don’t currently have sex. How do you get to years? You start with weeks and months.

Okay, that’s it. It’s just been building and rolling around in my head. If you read it all, um, congrats? Also, this maybe makes our friendship sound bad, but other than most aspects of her marriage I have no issues with her and we get along great!! It’s been hard because prior to me telling her not to get married we’ve seen eye to eye, or close to, on everything important.

[zarahrokk-blog]

Healthy Lifestyle Tips for People With Bipolar Disorder

Many patients that are diagnosed with bipolar disorder are prescribed various kinds of prescription medications and nutritional supplements to keep symptoms in check. But many drugs do have some undesirable side effects, and might not be the only solution for improving symptoms of bipolar illness. Creating some healthy lifestyle choices can help manage bipolar symptoms and improve general quality of life. From eating the perfect foods to getting sufficient sleep, those diagnosed with bipolar disorder may enjoy a better life.

In case you or a loved one has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, set up an appointment with a psychotherapist in your area. Your psychotherapist can provide several treatment options available and may also offer some stress management tips that can help you maintain a healthier lifestyle.

Getting Enough Exercise

Physical activity can have a positive effect on your life. Vigorous physical activity is a natural stress-reducer and may also give you a boost in mood. Regular exercise can be an essential addition to the weekly program of any bipolar disorder patient, and might help to reduce stress while keeping the body healthy. Some doctors and therapist may refer the individual to a personal trainer or fitness pro for a recommended exercise program.

Making Healthy Food Choices

Certain varieties of food and alcohol can have a negative effect on mood in bipolar patients. There's absolutely no official"bipolar diet", but a lot of dietitians and nutrition experts recommend eating a healthy, natural diet processed foods and to include foods that have omega-3 fatty acids. A healthy, well-balanced diet may improve brain function and might even make it easier for the individual to handle mood swings. Foods to avoid include high-salt foods, red meat and foods that are high in saturated fats, fermented cheese and carbonated drinks.

Sleep Schedules

The danger of manic-depressive episodes increases when the individual is not getting enough sleep. Lack of quality sleep can cause unnecessary stress in the individual's life, and also makes it tough to focus and concentrate during the day. If the individual is having difficulty sleeping, the physician may have the ability to prescribe medicine that causes deep sleep (for a brief time period ) or urge natural medicine which can help promote healthy sleep.

Other Healthy Lifestyle Tips

Some other healthy lifestyle tips for managing bipolar disorder include:

Keeping the correct prescription medicine schedule Merely taking recommended nutritional supplements Getting help for substance abuse Practicing relaxation techniques Eating meals on a schedule Attending group treatment with family and friends Being patient with oneself

5 Lifestyle Tips to Get You to Work Out and Manage Your Weight

If your way of living is unhealthy, stressful and too active, you need to stop for a while and begin evaluating whether it's doing you some good or it is just getting you obese. Stress can lead you to embrace unhealthy eating and wrongful food choices that make it difficult for you to manage your weight.

When weight loss becomes a problem, you begin acting frustrated, regretful and terrified. You are what you munch in, the cause of your weight reduction all boils down to your food habits and lifestyle. Follow these 7 lifestyle suggestions for you to work out and manage your weight:

1. Be a wiser shopper and think about the contents on the labels . While looking for your food components or snacks, you must be more advisable to check on what their elements are. If possible, identify the amount of fats, calories, saturated fats, fiber content, etc.. Being mindful about fat, sugar and calories in whatever you buy will help you for sure.

2. Passing over meals is a no-no. Most obese customers are followers of starvation and abrupt eating at the end of the day. If you skip breakfast and lunch, for example, you're very likely to overload yourself at dinnertime once your metabolism slows and you're heading to bedtime. No much physical activities lies ahead after supper, so how can it be possible that you burn off the calories that you take in at night? Eat foods but by portions. It's said that you become a fat storing agent should you not feed yourself every several hours.

3. Drop sugar. It has been noted that refined sugar is better but still it's among those to be blamed for weight reduction. It's also the origin of enormous diabetic attacks among individuals. Getting rid of sugar daily and allow yourself to cheat once a week will encourage your mind and gut to crave less.

4. Do not fear of sweating out and lifting weights in the gym. It is important that you participate in exercises daily. Exercising means breaking down bad fats and cholesterol in the body. Hit the gym and do not hesitate to stick to a certain program. Run, move and lift weights. Whatever it takes to lose weight, be daring enough to follow. You may only make it if you condition your mind and tell yourself"I will make it" over and over again.

5. Water will help you shed pounds while preventing from food triggers frustrations. By dieting, it does not mean depriving yourself from ingesting. Just eat healthy, that is it. Additionally, you want to drink a great deal of water, say 8 to 10 glasses every day, to be able to wash out toxins.

If these tips are followed closely and you make them your daily practices, you'll wind up more motivated to exercise and eventually reach the target weight you would like.

[cowkayak2-blog]

Shane Sutton Accused Of Lying As Dr Freeman's Barrister Hits Out

“About ninety % of these cats we see in our clinic are over-grooming,” she says. Generally, GAINSWave Provider could interact in compulsive grooming because of neuropathic pain from nerve harm within the pores and skin. In uncommon cases, a cat might groom too much and lose hair for psychogenic causes, like anxiety after a tense occasion; but, it’s more doubtless that cats licking off their hair are itching from flea allergy, Dr. Bateman says. Mange, scabies and lice also could make a cat’s pores and skin itch — resulting in the identical over-grooming and a cat losing hair. Mites, food allergies and environmental allergies also may cause itching and over-grooming. Typically, a cat will lick an space of his body a lot not because it itches, however because the tissue beneath the pores and skin hurts, Dr. Bateman says. A cat with arthritis, for instance, could lick at the achy joint constantly as a result of it is painful, and licking helps relieve the discomfort. The issue is, the cat licks away the hair, too.

Whether you're on a plane, in a car, or out #camping - make sure that you're always ready when #intimacy strikes. No pills. No injections. #Natural #performance! Learn more: https://hubs.ly/H0mmBmQ0 #curated #gainswave pic.twitter.com/hgmCy8rUOG

— GAINSWave (@GainsWave) December 25, 2019

Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) happens when tissue at the back of the throat collapses and blocks a person’s airway. This leads to a start-stop breathing sample, making it troublesome to sleep soundly. Erectile dysfunction is kind of common in men who've OSA. In 2009, German researchers reported that 69% of male examine participants with obstructive sleep apnea also had ED. Scientists aren’t positive exactly why males with OSA have greater rates of erectile dysfunction, but they have some theories. Sleep deprivation is one potential cause. Men’s our bodies produce testosterone (a hormone that's important for sexual operate) during the night. However inadequate sleep, resembling that brought on by sleep apnea, can reduce testosterone ranges, resulting in poor erections and decreased libido. As well as, sleep-deprived males usually really feel fatigued and careworn, which may worsen sexual issues. It’s additionally attainable that males with sleep apnea aren’t getting enough oxygen whereas they sleep. Oxygen is essential for wholesome erections, so any deficiency could cause an issue.

Testosterone is essential for a wholesome libido and regular sexual operate, and erectile dysfunction sufferers recognized to have low testosterone enhance when placed on prescription testosterone replacement therapy. Similarly, studies have proven that taking over-the-counter supplements containing DHEA, a hormone that the body converts to testosterone and estrogen, may help alleviate some circumstances of ED. But DHEA may cause negative effects, including suppression of pituitary function, acne, hair loss and its long-time period security is unknown, says McCullough. For this reason, many experts discourage use of the supplements. Ginseng. Korean red ginseng has lengthy been used to stimulate male sexual operate, but few studies have tried systematically to affirm its benefits. In one 2002 study involving forty five males with vital ED, the herb helped alleviate signs of erectile dysfunction and brought "enhanced penile tip rigidity." Specialists aren't certain how purple ginseng might work, although it is thought to promote nitric oxide synthesis.

Hair Loss, Mayo Clinic. Link here

You think your child needs to be seen, and the problem is pressing

Hormone disorders

Abnormal hair cycling

My Battle With Hair Loss

It may be as a consequence of hair shedding, poor high quality hair, or hair thinning

Dermatologist Crystal Aguh, one among just a small group of dermatologists throughout the country specializing in hair loss, presents these tips to assist women protect their hair and recognize widespread warning indicators of hair loss. What steps can I take to stop or slow hair loss? Unfortunately, sure types of hair loss are genetic, and very little might be performed to forestall them. Genetic forms of hair loss embrace alopecia areata and feminine pattern hair loss. But different kinds of hair loss (together with generalized hair shedding) can be brought on by stress and a poor weight loss plan. Do your greatest to eat a balanced diet, and discover ways to take care of your mental health. For added benefit, stay up to date along with your routine checkups. Anemia, low levels of vitamin D and abnormal thyroid hormones can all affect the well being of your hair. Easy bloodwork from your primary care physician can decide if these conditions are contributing to your hair loss.

There are many varieties of alopecia (baldness or hair loss), every with a distinct cause. Alopecia could also be localized to the front and high of the pinnacle, as in widespread male pattern baldness. It may be patchy, as in a condition called alopecia areata. Or it may possibly contain your entire head, as in alopecia capitis totalis (also referred to as alopecia totalis), and it could possibly involve hair loss of your entire physique, resembling in alopecia universalis. Alopecia could be brought on by medications, comparable to from chemotherapy for most cancers. It can be a result of an underlying illness, corresponding to with an underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism) and systemic lupus erythematosus. Alopecia might haven't any signs apart from the lack of hair, or it can be related to itching and/or rash of the scalp. The word alopecia comes from the Greek alopex for "fox." Foxes are less furry when afflicted with a skin illness (the "mange") that causes them to lose their hair. When a fancier word for "baldness" was sought, the mangy fox equipped it -- "alopecia" or, if you would like, "fox-mange" -- not a really constructive picture to affiliate with baldness!

[found915]

lessons.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Harrington x Named!Reader (female)

Words: 4,357

Summary: Emma finds herself partnered with Steve Harrington on a project, but it looks like they’re going to be spending even more time together when he decides he wants to learn to play guitar.

Warnings: Does fluff need a warning? Because this is pretty damn fluffy. Also, it might be terrible, so I guess a possible warning for that too?

A/N: DEDICATED TO @hairringtonsteve!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMMA, MY LOVE!!! I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope you enjoy this little ficlet thing here. I don’t know, it might be trash... But you deserve the best and I hope it, at the very least, brings a smile to your face, gorgeous. You’re so beautiful and pure and good and kind and you deserve the whole world, so the least I could do is give you a small oneshot because you deserve your own Steve Harrington. Love you!!!

(Also, I apologize for any errors you may find because I haven’t slept yet and I’m half dead. I wanted this to be worthy of you, babe, but I’m not sure I quite made it, but I think it’s pretty cute, so... )

Oh, and texts from Steve are in bold and italics are Emma! I hope that’s not too confusing... It looks really messy tbh.

It’s not that Emma necessarily minded partner work, but it was just her luck that she got paired with the cutest guy in her class for this big project that was worth a good part of her grade. The same one who had led to her being very distracted quite a few times. The one with the amazing hair, the beautiful brown eyes, and the widest of grins. Steve-freakin’-Harrington. Emma had taken notice of him the first day of class, so maybe she paid a little extra attention when the roll was first called. Maybe she wanted to know the name of the guy who was sure to ruin her life. At the very least, ruin her semester.

Steve was honestly hard not to notice, though. Aside from the obvious good looks, he was pretty vocal in lecture. Not in that annoying way that makes you want to roll your eyes every time they speak, however. Emma would have much preferred it if Steve was just speaking because he loved the sound of his own voice. She’d honestly take anything that would make the boy seem less endearing to her, but no. No, Steve only interjected when he had something to contribute or to kill the awkward silences that seemed to linger after the professor asked a question. He was a bit of a hero in that way. It was beyond cringeworthy the few times the man had stood at the front of the room, waiting for some kind of response and getting nothing, before Steve started coming to his rescue.

Emma didn’t know who was more grateful, the professor or herself. Especially the few times the middle aged man decided to make the sleep-deprived college students laugh with his awful dad jokes. Once Steve had learned his role in the class, he made sure to never leave the man hanging, so he tended to laugh the loudest and, occasionally, compliment the joke, but there was one day that Emma found herself a little more delirious than normal from pulling an all-nighter and the joke that left the man’s lips was just so terrible, and he was so proud of it. She laughed far too loudly and far too long for it to be okay. What was even more mortifying was that Steve turned around, the biggest grin plastered on his face, chuckling at her reaction. Emma’s eyes widened as she covered her face with her palms, forever wishing for the clock to tick faster so she could go die in peace. Ever since that day, Steve seemed to turn in his chair every so often to gauge her reaction on things, much to the girl’s chagrin. Honestly, how was she supposed to focus now? It was one thing when she could make out just enough of his profile and stare at the back of his head, but now? Now, it was like he responded to certain things and wanted to know what she thought or like they were in on some kind of secret joke, but she had missed the punchline. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least.

So when Emma walked into class on a random Wednesday only for Mr. Welsh to announce that they needed to partner up for their midterm project, she turned to her left, fully prepared to ask the girl sitting on her row (despite knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea because of how often the girl fell asleep during lecture) before being startled by the sound of someone sitting in the seat on her right, making her jump a little. Turning her head so fast that she almost gave herself whiplash, Emma’s eyes widened as they connected with pools of brown. Steve chuckled at her alarm, giving her an impish grin that made the girl both want to smack him and kiss him because it was really damn cute.

“Mind being my partner, Emma?” Emma wasn’t sure how, but her eyes widened even more and her eyebrows were surely connected to her hairline at this point. She honestly couldn’t believe her name had left this boy’s lips when she had never even spoken to him. (Well, except for that time she briefly thanked him for holding the door as they left the classroom. She had thought about that for longer than she cared to admit.)

“How- how do you know my name?” she questioned. Roll hadn’t been called since week one and she was fairly certain she’d never been called on. Not to mention, she was as bad as the others about not speaking up in lecture. (The class started too early, okay?) Steve’s smile softened as he looked down, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I, uh, might have paid more attention during the roll call in week one than a person should…” Emma couldn’t help the blush that found its way onto her cheeks. She was fairly certain he meant in the general sense, but she was still a little shocked that he remembered her name. “So, uh, partners?” he coughed, feeling a little more awkward than he had when he initially sat down. Emma would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy seeing the boy squirm a little. It made her feel a little braver.

“Oh, I don’t know… I was going to ask Sleeping Beauty over there, but if you’re so desperate… I suppose I could have mercy on you,” Emma laughed softly as she watched a myriad of emotions pass over the boy’s features. He leaned forward in his seat to glance at the girl Emma had referenced, cracking up at how apt the description was.

“Well, I mean, I’d hate to steal you away from someone who’s obviously really eager to be here…”

“It’s fine. I’ve always thought myself to be a kind and charitable person. Giving back isn’t easy, you know?” Steve’s loud laugh, earned the two a few more stares than Emma was okay with, but she couldn’t exactly hide the grin on her face at the reaction.

Steve was beyond thrilled to see this side of the girl he had been a little too focused on since the beginning of the semester and he found it more than a little difficult to follow Mr. Welsh’s lecture that day, but he was damn glad the man had given him a reason to move seats and talk to her, even if it was the briefest of conversations. The boy was practically vibrating in his seat, trying to find another reason to talk to Emma, but when he noticed how focused she was, he decided to wait until lecture was over. As they were reminded of the deadline for the project one final time and dismissed, Steve watched Emma pack her backpack for a minute, before blurting out, “Can I get your number?” The girl quirked an eyebrow at him, halting her movements for a moment. “Uh, so we can get together to work on the project?” Steve tried his best to save face a bit, groaning internally at how desperate he sounded.

“Yeah, sure,” Emma shrugged, pulling her cell out of her back pocket and opening her contacts before passing the phone over to him. Steve followed her lead and did the same, passing over his own phone. After saving his contact information with a grin, he handed the girl back her phone, letting his fingers linger a little longer on hers than was absolutely necessary, lighting up even more as her blush returned. “Umm, right, well, I have another class, so… “ she bit her lip, not knowing what to say as she returned Steve’s phone. Steve’s eyes were a little too transfixed on Emma’s mouth and her skin was a little too hot to be comfortable.

“Yeah, uh, yeah… I’ll text you?” Steve shook himself a little to break out of his reverie, glancing into Emma’s eyes one final time as he moved to the side so that she could pass.

“Sounds good. Talk to you later, Steve,” Emma mumbled a little as she passed him, wondering what in the hell she had just gotten herself into. She didn’t turn back to see the shocked expression that matched her earlier one when he revealed that he knew her name. Steve Harrington wasn’t the only one who paid attention.

Emma was working on a paper when her phone buzzed with a text message. She couldn’t help but laugh when she noticed the contact name on her screen, heat settling in her cheeks once more. Smiling, she unlocked her phone to read the message.

To: Emma :)

From: My Idiot Partner

Received: 3:12 p.m.

So how soon is too soon to text about a project that isnt due for another month? :D i mean i dont want to sound “desperate”

Emma laughed out loud, glad her roommate wasn’t around because she was certain she looked like an idiot, grinning at her phone like a maniac.

To: My Idiot Partner

From: Emma :)

Received: 3:14 p.m.

Pretty sure you’re supposed to wait 3 days, right? I’m not the expert on these things, though…

btw my contact name seems a little unoriginal now and idk how to feel about that

To: Emma :)

From: My Idiot Partner

Received: 3:14 p.m.

Damn… So much for sounding desperate, i guess… :/

Nah it’s cute. The smiley was a nice, artistic touch ;)

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma :)

Received: 3:17 p.m.

I’ll forgive you for sounding desperate since you appreciate my smiley. I added a smiley to your contact since you like it so much. :)

To: Emma :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:18 p.m.

:) you really are a giver. Thank you

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma :)

Received: 3:20 p.m.

I do what I can. ;)

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:20 p.m.

Im extremely grateful. When can you meet?

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:20 p.m.

For the project i mean

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma the Giver :)

Received: 3:22 p.m.

Lol I knew what you meant, Steve. Umm… maybe tomorrow? 5-ish? I get out of my last class around that time. Where do you want to meet?

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:25 p.m.

Just making sure, Em. ;) idt ive ever worked on an assignment this early… 5ish works. We can grab food at that little diner down the road? Joe’s i think? Do you know where it is?

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma the Giver :)

Received: 3:27 p.m.

Neither have I, honestly, but this project is killer, so we’re probably better off starting now. :) That sounds great, but no, I don’t know where it is… Joe’s?

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:28 p.m.

Thats true. :) Umm… how about i pick you up? You stay in the dorms?

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma the Giver :)

Received: 3:29 p.m.

Uh, yeah… Westcott Hall. Are you sure? I can just put the address in my phone…

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 3:31 p.m.

Yeah, im sure. Westcott isnt far from my dorm. Copeland. It’s easier to just pick you up. :) i’ll let you know when im on the way

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma the Giver :)

Received: 3:34 p.m.

Okay. See you tomorrow :)

Emma had been freaking out the entire day. Steve insisting on picking her up made it seem too much like a date in her mind and while she kept trying to put that pesky thought out of her head, it continued to wiggle its way into her brain. And if she put a little more effort into her outfit that day than usual, well, that was her business. After her last class, she rushed back to her dormitory to freshen up and grab her books for Welsh’s class, while waiting for her ridiculously good looking project partner to text her. He didn’t keep her waiting very long, fortunately. She chastised herself for being so eager when her phone chimed. The smile, however, slipped from her features a bit when she read the text.

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 5:16 p.m.

So i probably shouldve asked for your dorm room number before entering the building… im getting weird looks just standing here

Emma panicked a bit, looking around at her mess of a room. Albeit most of the mess was on part of her roommate, but still… She hadn’t planned on the boy coming to her door. More like meeting him downstairs… Outside. Far away from her room. She didn’t know what to do, but Steve didn’t give her time to properly think it through before he sent another text.

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 5:16 p.m.

Okay so i started walking to avoid looking like a creep and now i feel really stupid… hopefully im going in the right direction? Passing 123 now

Emma couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up, shaking her head, and deciding to take pity on the poor boy.

To: My Idiot Partner :)

From: Emma the Giver :)

Received: 5:17 p.m.

Omg Steve lol. Take the stairwell at the end of the hall. I’m 217.

To: Emma the Giver :)

From: My Idiot Partner :)

Received: 5:18 p.m.

:D

Emma starting picking up a few of her and her roommate’s more ridiculously placed items, still shaking her head at the boy when she heard a knock. Giving another cursory glance around to make sure everything was a little more presentable, she crossed the small room to open the door, looking up at a sheepish Steve and tried her best not to laugh. She didn’t succeed in the end which made him hang his head in faux shame.

“I kind of figured you’d wait in the parking lot, Harrington,” Emma giggled, moving back to her bed to pick up her bag once more, not noticing how Steve had stepped a little more into her room so that he could get a better look at her side of the room. He stopped when he heard her question, mouth dropping open a bit, giving the girl a look that would suggest she had lost her mind. Emma jumped a little when she noticed he was very much in her room.

“What kind of gentleman doesn’t go to the door, Em?” Emma warmed a bit at the nickname, before laughing at his almost comically serious face, which earned her the most adorable pout.

“I mean, it’s 2018, Steve… And it’s not like this is a date, right?” She almost slapped herself for letting that question slip, but it was out now and she couldn’t take it back. Emma wasn’t sure what to make of the slight deflation of his shoulders as he turned his focus elsewhere.

“That’s no excuse,” he mumbled, almost as if he were distracted. “You play?”

“Huh?” Steve turned back with a smile, nodding at the corner of the room, near the small closet that housed her clothes, where an acoustic guitar rested on a stand. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do.” Steve gave an impressed nod, doing this thing with his mouth that shouldn’t have been cute, but it really was.

“Very cool. I always wanted to learn.”

“Oh, well, I, uh, I could teach you?” What? Steve being in the small room with her was making Emma lose any sense of filter, apparently. She no longer knew what she was saying. The brunet’s answering beam however was almost enough to make her not regret it.

“Yeah?” Emma felt herself nod, unable to help the small smile on her face. “Awesome.”

Between getting together to work on the project and guitar lessons, Emma felt as if all of her free time was spent with Steve. Not that she was really complaining. The boy never failed to make her smile or laugh and the only real downside was that she felt herself falling a little too hard into what had started out as a simple crush at best. It was kind of annoying because she was pretty certain that he had also become her best friend and that’s where things get messy. Not to mention, there was the whole not knowing whether or not he liked her as more than a friend, which almost seemed to high school to contemplate. All Emma knew was that she was enjoying spending all her free time with Steve, even if the majority of it involved some kind of lesson.

Steve was pretty quick when it came to picking up the guitar and Emma was fairly impressed that he was learning so fast. The weird thing was that he didn’t always remember things he had learned in his previous lesson, despite having pretty much mastered it the week before. It was beyond suspicious, but Emma wasn’t going to call him out on it. She relished the feel of laying her hands on top of his to place on the frets a little more than she cared to admit and the girl wasn’t overly keen to give it up anytime soon.

Steve insisted on paying her in some way for the lessons, but Emma wasn’t having it, so he started to ply her with various treats and almost always bought her food whenever they got together to study. She protested at first, but he always found a way to smuggle it into her possession anyway, so she eventually relented. He was as stubborn as she was and it was beyond ridiculous, so she figured she’d let him get away with it occasionally. Steve Harrington was happiest when he was taking care of people and Emma melted a little too much at the thought to protest when her friend decided to show her that side of himself. That’s what had led her to return the favor one day. She had bought Steve a coffee and his favorite candy bar, a 3 Musketeers, and headed to Copeland Hall, smiling to herself. She’d been to Steve’s room enough to not have to text him and ruin the surprise. As she walked up to the door of room 111, she heard music coming through the door because either Steve or his roommate, David, had left the door slightly ajar. Stopping and tilting her head to listen for a minute, Emma noticed it seemed a little familiar, but she couldn’t quite place the song. It was clearly an acoustic version of whatever the song was. The sounds of the guitar were soothing, but the voice was a little raw, though very pretty. Emma smiled as she listened to the lyrics, closing her eyes so she could focus.

“Jackie loves to run and hide

Give her love, and she will die

Good golly me, oh my, oh my,

Cross my heart and hope to die

Bourbon streets and bicycles

Holding you in carnivals

Baby is my love too old for you?

Baby is my love too old for you?

Emma I’m for you

Emma I’m for you”

Emma’s eyes shot open at the chorus. Steve couldn’t be listening to that could he? And why did that voice sound so familiar? Did David play? Surely, it was coincidence, the song choice having her name in it. She hadn’t really talked to David much, so it’s not like she knew his music tastes… Emma couldn’t take it anymore. She had to know! She lightly pushed the door open just a bit more and peaked around the corner only for her jaw to completely hit the floor.

On the edge of the bed, facing away from her sat Steve Harrington, “novice” guitar player not missing a note as he sang the song, occasionally dropping in volume as if singing was more of an afterthought. He was completely lost in it, though, and didn’t notice his best friend’s presence. Emma stepped back into the hall for a moment, taking a breath as she tried to collect her thoughts. It was a lot to take in, but she wasn’t entirely surprised that Steve already knew how to play. Actually, it answered a lot of questions she wasn’t ready to ask. Now she was more curious as to why he lied about knowing how to. And she was beyond curious about his song choice. Releasing the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, Emma tried to shake off the nerves, careful not to jostle the coffee in her hand too much. Nodding to herself and steeling her nerves, she pushed the door open fully this time, making sure her presence was known. Steve’s head turned and his hands stilled immediately, brown eyes widening in shock. He had been caught red-handed and he knew it.

“Uh, hey, Em… How’s it, uh, how’s it going?” Steve’s voice cracked a bit.

“You’ve gotten pretty good at that,” Emma nodded at the guitar, eyebrow raised. She set his coffee on his desk along with the candy bar. Steve’s eyes softened as he noticed what it was, having the decency to look apologetic when he looked back at the girl who had her arms crossed defensively.

“I had a good teacher.”

“Steve… Right, you know what? I’m gonna go,” Emma rolled her eyes and turned to leave. It was such a stupid thing to lie about, but it was still a lie and that hurt a little more than she cared to admit. Steve Harrington had never moved so fast in his life, nearly tripping over himself as he moved to grab the girl lightly by the hand to stop her from leaving. Emma stilled, but still didn’t look at him.

“Em, come on, hear me out? Please.” The please did it, honestly. Turning just slightly, but not willing to meet his eyes, she heard him sigh. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I… I shouldn’t have lied to you. Even about something as stupid as this,” Steve gestured back at the guitar with one hand while the other still kept Emma’s captured in his own, rubbing his thumb ever so lightly on the back of her hand. His eyes were focused on their hands when Emma decided to look at him.

“Why did you? Because you’re right. It’s beyond stupid.” Emma wished her voice held a little more anger than it did, but she felt the fight drain out of her with every pass of his thumb. Brown eyes meeting hers, she noted that he was silently pleading with her to understand.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I wanted an excuse to spend more time with you? Which was crazy because we hadn’t even really had a conversation yet and we hadn’t even started working on the project, but you had opened your door and all I could think was ‘I have to spend as much time with this girl as possible.’” Steve started to move a little closer as he continued. “It was crazy, but I noticed you on the first day of class. I remember you walking through the door and all I wanted to do was know your name and I felt a little robbed when Welsh was the reason I learned it and not because you had given it to me. And then there was that day in class when you laughed at his stupid joke and I realized that despite still not knowing you, I wanted to make you laugh like that. I kept trying to work up the courage to speak to you after class, but you always left so quickly,” he paused with an almost sad smile. Emma could almost feel the heat radiating off his body as Steve continued to close the distance, his other hand finding hers. “So, yeah, when Welsh told us to partner up, I knew that was my shot. I was fully prepared to be charming and funny and when I saw you blush? I knew that I wanted to continue to do that. But then you completely turned the tables on me. It was insane. It took every ounce of my self control to not text you before I did, by the way. I was surprised I held out as long as I did because all I wanted to do was talk to you. And then I was in your room and I was still trying to figure out how to talk to you and I saw your guitar and the next thing I knew, I was saying I didn’t know how to play and you were offering to teach me…” Steve’s hand released her left to push a lock of hair behind her ear. Emma tried to ignore the shiver that ran through her body, as she looked up at him through her lashes.

“What can I say? I’m a giver,” she whispered, making Steve chuckle as his hand lightly touched her jaw. His eyes flickered down to her lips as his hand moved to her neck. Emma’s free hand had found home on his chest without her knowledge, unsure if she wanted to push him away or pull him closer.

“Think you could forgive me, Giver?” he murmured.

“I suppose I could be persuaded… But if you ever lie to me again… I don’t care how sweet your intentions are, we got a problem.”

“Never, Em. Next time I’ll just be upfront about my intentions to seduce you,” Steve smirked. Emma rolled her eyes as she swatted him lightly, unable to help the smile that found home on her features.

“Shut up and kiss me, Harrington.”

Steve didn’t waste any time closing the distance and tried to make a mental note to find a way to thank Mr. Welsh before the semester was over. However, he was pretty distracted and overwhelmed by the incredible girl in front of him and figured all of that could wait until later. Emma decided she was a little too okay with this boy ruining her semester.

[writesandramblings]

The Captain’s Secret - p.98

“A Fate Worse Than Death”

A/N: Should... should I have titled the previous chapter "Defacing the Music" or would that have been too much? Ahaha... ha...

Three chapters left after this one.

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << 97 - Facing the Music 99 - Sigh No More >>

They could not put Lorca in the brig for obvious reasons. They could not, for even more obvious reasons, put Groves there, either. "If we disabled all computer access in the lab, we can keep them there," concluded Saru.

Kumar took one look at the things Mischkelovitz had done in the walls and vetoed this idea. "I don't even know what half these mods are, but that's clearly mushroom stuff," he said when he pulled open the access panel nearest the door and saw the mess of mycelial tubing. "We need a full engineering team of experts, ideally the people who built this ship."

"Can you disable access in crew quarters?" asked Cornwell, remembering a complaint from Dr. Samaritan Li that had come across her desk many years back.

"Sure," said Kumar.

"Completely disabled. Not even emergency safeties."

"You got it, admiral."

The suggestion gave Saru pause. It seemed unethical. "Lorca has been recently injured," Saru said after Kumar was gone. "If there are complications..."

Lorca was not the only one who could communicate an entire symphony of disdain with a single glance. The look Cornwell gave Saru said in no uncertain terms that Lorca's survival was not only so far down the list of priorities it came somewhere after organizing a crew movie night, it was also just as optional.

Twenty minutes later, Kumar was done. "I even disconnected the toilet and shower controls just in case. They can only be triggered from the outside now." So far as he knew, these modifications were being made purely for the benefit of Groves and this was his little way of getting back at Groves for everything in null time. Had he known the same fate awaited Lorca, he would have been even more pleased.

"Perfect," said Cornwell. "Bring them out."

Lorca and Groves both objected to the move. "I'd rather be in the brig," said Lorca.

"Good for you," said Cornwell blandly.

"I'd rather he was in the brig, too," said Groves.

Cornwell did not dignify that with a response. "Transporter room—"

"Wait!" Groves shouted, throwing up his hands in desperation. "What are we supposed to do in there with no computer? Can I—can I at least get a violin? Saru!"

Saru looked at Groves with pity. "I will arrange one for you."

"Fan—"

"Energize," said Cornwell. Groves and Lorca vanished in a shimmer of light. Their disappearance did nothing to lighten her mood. "See to it that this place is taken care of and let me know the minute Lalana is awake."

"Yes, admiral."

Cadet Tilly was more than happy to make her own assessment of Mischkelovitz's modifications; she understood what they were better than anyone else. She also remembered how stridently Mischkelovitz had cautioned against anyone finding out the true nature of the system, so she kept her conversation informal as she poked around the walls. "Is it true she's not going to wake up?"

That was the greatest tragedy where Saru was concerned. If only he had convinced Lorca to send Mischkelovitz away all those months ago, the quirky scientist would still be with them today. "Unfortunately, it seems unlikely."

"Poor Mac—I mean, Colonel O'Malley. He lost his brother and now his sister, too."

Tilly was preoccupied enough with her assigned task that she did not see the dawning realization in Saru's posture. Saru himself did not have time to finish fully processing the implications.

"Pollard to Commander Saru. Sir, Dr. Mischkelovitz is awake!"

It was a miracle Pollard could not explain. "There was zero brain activity on my scans. A doctor from the Khorana came over and applied some sort of experimental protocol and now..." Pollard had gone to check on Mischkelovitz in the temporary surgical suite and saw the activity change on the monitor. According to the notations left by the other doctor on the chart, the patient was expected to make a full recovery as a result of this mysterious "protocol."

Mischkelovitz looked at Pollard and Saru, strangely sedate. "Can I go now?"

"I don't think that's wise," said Pollard. "I don't know if the protocol has any side effects, or even how it works. I'd like to monitor Dr. Mischkelovitz until further notice."

Mischkelovitz slid off the medical slab, opened one of the drawers set into the base, and pulled out a remote monitor. She slapped it onto her neck. "You're monitoring me. Now can I go?"

"Where is it you wish to go?" asked Saru.

"My quarters," was the answer. "I'm tired."

Pollard shook her head at Saru. Culber might have developed a rapport with Mischkelovitz but no one else on staff had and Mischkelovitz was a notoriously difficult patient. Pollard was more than happy to shift both the blame and responsibility for any decisions onto Saru.

"I believe Colonel O'Malley would prefer you to remain here," suggested Saru.

Mischkelovitz glanced over at O'Malley's still-sleeping form. "I don't want to and I'm going to go."

"Very well, you may go and sleep, but I will expect a full report on the modifications you have made to your lab and the admiral may have questions for you. I know I do. Report to me once you are rested."

"Yes," said Mischkelovitz, glancing at Saru's collar. "Commander."

As Mischkelovitz walked out of sickbay, Saru thought it felt like things had gone back to the way they were when he first met her.

They materialized in the quarters Groves had formerly shared with Larsson. "—tastic, thank... damn it." Groves flopped down on the bed to the right with a sigh. "You can have Larsson's bed," he said, as if this were some form of hospitality and not the most obvious thing in the world.

The quarters were abysmally small. Two beds, a bit of storage space for each, a shared desk, and a meager bathroom. Lorca had assigned this exact ensign double to all the Lab 26 personnel as a preemptively punitive measure and now he was bearing the brunt of the indignity. Curiously, there was already a guitar on Groves' side of the room, rendering the violin a questionable necessity.

"They could've at least sent my clothes," grumbled Lorca, rummaging for a shirt among Larsson's things. Disappointingly, most of what Larsson had was white and all of it was entirely too big.

Groves rolled his eyes at Lorca's intrusion into Larsson's belongings and grabbed something from his own closet. "That would have tipped more people off. Here."

The shirt on offer was red. "Got anything black?" Groves handed Lorca a black t-shirt that had a strange white bug creature printed on it made out of little cubes. "What the hell is this?"

Groves stared impassively. "You don't know Space Invaders? And here I thought my childhood was deprived. How about I..." Groves remembered he was cut off from the computer and began swearing profusely—in English for once.

"Jesus, Groves," said Lorca in a mix of disparagement and mild admiration when the colorful tirade finally ended a full minute later. "Pants?"

Groves pulled all his clothing drawers open in an angry frenzy. "Whatever! Just take it all! I don't care!" Then he got back onto his bed and sulked.

They were barely five minutes in and this was already unbearable.

Lorca noted a certain bareness to Larsson's side of the room. The Swede had little in the way of personal effects, but most of what he did have on display were pictures of himself on various worlds, often with a freshly-caught fish or similar bit of sea fauna dangling on a line. In one image, he was eating dinner with Yoon and Morita. In another, he was laughing and Lalana was clinging to his back with the expression of a deer in headlights because that was essentially the only facial expression she had. Looking closely, though, it was possible to make out the mid-click position of her tongue.

By some miracle there was a single printed book in the room. Unfortunately it turned out to be a vanity copy of the one Larsson had written, Gates of Hell: An In-Depth History of the Uanar-Barosic Wars [2066-2079]. Lorca opened it up and read the dedication. To the best Captain I ever had I dedicate this book. Somehow, Larsson had managed to construct an eleven-word run-on sentence. The rest of the book's prose matched the dedication entirely save for the major difference that most of the other sentences were very, very long indeed. Lorca put the tome back down. He was not yet desperate enough to slog through it.

Out of nowhere, Groves asked, "Do you ever get the urge to just smash something into your face?"

Lorca stared. "No."

"Huh. Guess it's just me."

Grimacing, Lorca laid down and closed his eyes. When he opened them again it was to the sound of a violin being tuned and the cloying smell of sweet potatoes. He sat up, lip twitching in annoyance.

"They beamed in some dinner," Groves informed him. One of the trays was already eaten and the other was missing something from one of the compartments. "I took your dessert. I'd say sorry, but..."

Lorca decided not to take the bait and scooped up a spoonful of cold, orange mush. He lifted it a few inches into the air and turned the spoon sideways, watching the watery goop drip back down into the pile on the tray. It fell a little short of the meal quality he was accustomed to. "This isn't food. Isn't even a meal. There's no meat."

"Don't complain," said Groves, plucking the violin strings with his fingernail and adjusting the tuning. "You're getting off scot-free thanks to me. Cornwell bought the whole 'keep this quiet or we're all screwed' angle."

"You say that like it isn't true," noted Lorca, feeling this finally confirmed his suspicions.

"Oh, it's true. You'd better start accepting it, too, 'cause you're just smart enough to be a danger to yourself if you start getting any more grandiose ideas, and you're definitely a danger to all of us. Every single person who helps you ends up worse off. Lalana, Melly, Mac. Now me. You're human cancer. I liked the other Lorca better."

Lorca shot Groves a wry frown. "You never met the man."

"Yeah, but he killed himself. That I can understand." Groves tucked the violin against his cheek and began to play.

To Lorca's surprise, Groves was good. Very good. Unfortunately, the tune he was playing was little more than a fluttering arrangement of tiny, tinny notes that repeated over and over endlessly. It clearly required technical precision, and there was something momentarily beautiful about it, but the beauty faded into repetitive annoyance. "What the hell is that?"

"Fratres, sort of," said Groves, not missing a single note. If anything, he started playing it even faster. "It was my brother's favorite. I used to play it for him for hours."

"Well I hate it, so I'm telling you to stop."

"In a minute."

"No, now."

Groves turned his back to Lorca and went even faster. The notes became pinpricks, almost too fast to follow. Groves' arms shook violently at the intense effort.

Lorca flicked a spoonful of orange mush at Groves' back. He heard the tiniest squeak of a missed note, nothing more. He debated throwing the whole tray but, as bad as the food was, he needed to eat, so he reached down for one of his boots instead. That stopped the music in its tracks.

"Just for that," said Groves as he turned back, "I'm doing this the easy way." He went over by the door and resumed playing with his fingers so high up on the fingerboard they were almost to the bridge. This time, the sound was not a rapid succession of notes forming any sort of tune but a long, sustained series of high-pitched scraping noises.

It was excruciating. Lorca covered his ears. "Knock it off, Groves! You call that music!?"

"No, you idiot. I'm trying to hack the computer."

"With a violin?"

"Yeah. I can't whistle loud enough at the right pitch to pierce the door, but if I can get the strings just right, I can generate a sound wave that the computer will interpret as a command and then it's off to the races."

Lorca stared. "You're kidding."

"Nah, I'm just that good."

Lorca suspected Groves was lying and just making the noise to annoy him, but it was hardly the craziest thing someone had proposed in the past seventy-two hours and Groves was a bastion of sanity compared to Mischkelovitz. Lorca decided to bear it for a few minutes.

The initial attempt seemed to dissatisfy Groves. He retuned his strings and tried again. There was a pinging snap as one broke. Another adjustment, another attempt.

Groves struck a particularly egregious, painful high note that felt like the audio equivalent of bright lights and Lorca exclaimed in pain. "Sorry," said Groves, almost sounding sincere. He played the note again, even more sharply this time.

The door opened.

"Holy," began Lorca, amazed, but his amazement and Groves' elation faded quickly when they saw Mischkelovitz standing in the doorway.

Or at least, for a moment they thought they did.

"Ne'he kratis-kolht!" gasped Groves, violin and bow falling slackly to his side.

There was no flicker of understanding in Mischkelovitz's eyes. There was no flicker of anything, because while they may have been her eyes, the mind behind them was not. Instead there was a darkness, intense and enduring. She ignored Groves and addressed Lorca. "I'll have that tooth now."

"Petra," said Lorca.

Groves took a step back. He had seen Petrellovitz over the bridge feed when she first arrived on Discovery and been shocked by all her scars. He had also heard the news of her demise at the hands of L'Rell in the cargo bay. The woman in the doorway was impossible on two counts.

She also seemed not to recognize her own brother, which meant it was true. Emellia Petrellovitz had never seen what John Groves looked like when he was grown because she had killed her version of him almost twenty years ago. She failed to even register the resemblance between the man standing to her right and the boy whose last independent act had been to lunge at her with a kitchen knife as she sliced his arms off with an industrial fabrication laser.

Groves stepped away from her, backing straight into the wall. The violin and bow fell from his hands and clattered onto the floor. His mind raced as he tried to figure out how Petrellovitz had come to be here. None of the possibilities he came up with were remotely good.

The tooth was in the pocket of the blood-caked Terran uniform pants draped neatly across the back of the desk chair. Lorca retrieved it and held it out to Petrellovitz. "Here."

She darted forward, greedily snatching the tooth, but her focus on her prize was so all-encompassing she missed the look of determination on Lorca's face and realized too late that he had used the tooth to lure her in.

Lorca grabbed Petrellovitz's wrist, pulling her towards him and wrapping her in an embrace that pinned her arms to her sides. He had used the same move on Georgiou during the fight in the throne room, but this time, it felt like he had taken an ice pick to the chest as she slammed against him because he essentially had. He gasped painfully as his vision swam with spots. "Help me!" he wheezed at Groves.

Groves took one look at the squirming form of his not-sister and shook his head. "I'm not getting kicked again!" Apparently one physical altercation with his sister was enough to make him gun-shy forever.

Petrellovitz did kick, but only into the air, unbalancing Lorca and sending them both crashing back against the floor. A line appeared on Petrellovitz's neck as the seam of her new flesh tore.

"I'm gonna—I'll get Saru!" decided Groves, dashing out the open door. A second later he reappeared, hitting the external controls to seal Lorca and Petrellovitz in.

Petrellovitz struggled furiously and began to twist with the intent of kicking against the bed—a move that would seriously threaten the makeshift repairs in Lorca's chest. The anguished hiss of his breathing became a desperate whisper into her ear. "Petra! Petra, calm down!"

He released her and she bounced away. He rolled over onto his side in pain, inhaling shakily through clenched teeth and holding the breath until he felt in control again. When he exhaled, it was calmly. Then he sat up, resting his arms on his knees.

There was a smear of red across the white space invader on Lorca's borrowed shirt and a matching stain of red down the white of Petrellovitz's stolen Starfleet uniform. Petrellovitz herself would not have called it stolen because it fit as perfectly as if it had been tailor-made for her, just like Mischkelovitz's skin. How could you steal what was clearly meant to belong to you?

"You idiot," she scowled at him, pressing a hand to the gash on her neck. "Now they know it's me!"

"Believe me, Groves was halfway to that conclusion when you didn't answer him at the door."

The scowl twisted with annoyance. "Groves?" She recognized Corinne Narvic's maiden name and put the pieces together. Groves entirely had his mother's coloration: the same dusky brown skin, dark eyes, and dark hair. "You're telling me that's Johnny?"

Lorca shrugged and smirked. "Listen up. We don't have much time. How soon can you get your little mushroom transporter going again?"

"I'm done with mushrooms," said Petrellovitz, scanning the floor and spotting the tooth. It had landed under the bed in the scuffle. She crawled under to retrieve it.

"Unless you know of a better way for us to get back..."

"Back?" repeated Petrellovitz as she reemerged with the tooth. "Why the hell would I want to go back. For that matter, why do you?"

"Our people are counting on us."

Petrellovitz stared. "You lost, Gabriel. I'm not interested in watching you pick up the pieces or getting captured again because of you."

"Petra, you know me. I'll find a way. We can do it together, like Michael would've wanted. You can rule as an empress if you want. I'll back you."

"My god, you are pathetic. Good luck with that. I'm not helping you. I have research to do." She slipped the tooth into her pocket and stood up.

The door opened. Groves had returned with Saru.

"Commander!" exclaimed Petrellovitz in a voice an octave and a half higher than Lorca had ever heard her use. "Thank goodness you're here! I came to see my brother and he pushed me and said I was from the other universe! I'm not from the other universe. Here, you can scan me!" She pulled her sleeve partway up her right arm, offering it to Saru for inspection.

"Your brother is in sickbay," said Saru, confused.

"Other brother," offered Lorca, momentarily glad to see someone else on the other side of the reveal for once. He could see now why Groves enjoyed the mislead so much. It was so stupid and obvious in retrospect.

Saru was audibly bitter. "Mr. Groves."

"I..." Groves looked at the stranger masquerading as his sister and realized he was facing a dilemma. They both knew she was lying. They also both knew Mischkelovitz was gone and never coming back and there was nothing Groves could do to change this, except maybe lie like both their lives depended on it. "I'm sorry, Mischka. I thought... I guess I was wrong."

With a deep breath, Saru informed "Mischkelovitz" that, as innocent as her intentions were, she was not to be in this room. "Then can I speak to my brother for a moment?" she asked. "I promise I'll leave after and I won't come back."

"You may have five minutes," granted Saru.

The semisweet façade faded the moment Saru was gone. "You didn't have to do that," said Petra darkly.

"Yeah, well," said Groves, turning away from her. "You didn't trigger Saru's ganglia so I guess you're not a threat."

"Stay out of my way and that will remain true."

Lorca grunted as he used the table to heave himself back up. "So that's it? You're just gonna stay here and play pretend?"

"It's a clean slate," said Petrellovitz. "It's not pretend."

"These people are on the verge of losing a war against the Klingons."

"Whether they do or not doesn't matter. Humans, Klingons, money, power, love. All of these things are fleeting. Only science is eternal. You got in the way of my science, Gabriel, you and Michael both, with your piddling little power struggles and politics. All I ever wanted to do was pursue my research and everyone's always getting in the way. Not here. Here, I'm free to create a legacy that will stand the test of time. And they'll let me do it, too. Either side, whoever wins, will have a place for me. I'm only sorry I stuck with you as long as I did." She realized now, had she gone through the transporter herself instead of sending him, she could have had this universe months ago. She banged her fist twice on the door and Saru let her out. Out of the five minutes she had been given, she had barely used one.

Lorca could have called after her, tried to convince her with new promises and platitudes, but he knew it was pointless. Petrellovitz was gone and she was never coming back to him. The only reason she had stuck with Lorca to begin with was his promise of unfettered access to whatever research projects she wanted. For years that arrangement had worked for her, but now he could not provide any such access and she had no use for him.

Lorca sat down on Larsson's bed and pressed his face into his hands. Groves watched with wary concern. It was impossible to read the intent of Lorca's face when his expression was covered. Then Lorca shuddered as he inhaled and Groves realized he did not need Lorca's face to know what the former captain was presently feeling.

"I'm sorry," said Groves, and for the first time, he meant it.

"Don't you pity me!" spat Lorca.

Groves sat down opposite Lorca. "Never," he said. He reached under his pillow and pulled out something wrapped in a hand towel. "I think this is yours."

It was a cookie. Not the fortune kind, the regular sort with chocolate chips, purloined from Lorca's dinner tray. Groves had not eaten it, merely tucked it away to save for later.

Sighing, Lorca took the cookie and broke off a morsel. "You know, Saru's ganglia aren't infallible. I never tripped 'em."

"Why would you? You weren't actually a threat to us. I mean, you've done a lot of crap, but in your own way, you were trying to help."

The cookie did not offer the same comfort as its fortune-filled cousin. "I thought I was human cancer."

"Cancer is just cell growth gone awry," said Groves with a shrug. "Perfectly natural and necessary part of life. Anyway, I had to play along. Think about it. If we don't match history closely enough, we'll disappear just like the holo-recording did. History says you died. History also says Emellia lived long enough to record something that no longer exists. Which means..."

Which meant nothing Lorca did for the rest of his life would make a mark in history. It was his destiny to die a forgotten echo of another man, doing nothing, being nothing.

John Allan stepped out from the wall and was confronted by his own disappointment. Lab 26 was empty, exactly as it should have been at this point in history, but some part of him had hoped it would be otherwise.

After twelve years on this assignment, it was hard to let go. He had learned the hard way that history had a way of surprising you and he would have liked one last surprise. A chance to say a real goodbye.

He was still dressed in the Terran uniform he had been wearing at the moment of his exposure as a temporal agent. On some level, the black suited him. Temporal agents were supposed to be like shadows, watching and safeguarding history without being entangled in it, and the uniform made him look the part even if he had failed miserably at being a shadow in the end.

Literally at the end. Twelve years and no one had suspected a thing. At least now he knew why "John Allan" disappeared from the historical record during Discovery's time in the mirror universe. That had always been a question mark with this assignment. Now he knew it was because he had been exposed.

Allan had failed to be a perfect shadow, but he had completed both his mission objectives: first, to guard the scientists Mischkelovitz, progenitors of the research and development of temporal stasis field technology (a crucial advantage in the temporal war and subsequently a banned technology), and second, to bring back the data from Discovery's jaunt in the mirror universe, because on that count, the historical record was severely lacking. Now the future would have a full record of events from someone who had lived them. History had helpfully even preselected the man for the job centuries before his own birth.

With a full copy of Discovery security archives prior to the wipe in his pocket, Allan finally had everything he needed to report in and no further reason to stay here.

So why was this so hard? He touched a finger to Mischkelovitz's desk.

As he wondered this, the transceiver in his dental implant vibrated in alert, signaling the arrival of another agent. A shimmer of black materialized in front of him.

No, not another agent. He stared at his own face in surprise.

They were both wearing the black uniforms of the Terran Empire. For a moment Allan worried he had brought back his mirror counterpart, but something in the other Allan's eyes told him he was looking at himself.

"Hey," they both said at the same time, which was all the confirmation either of them needed to know where they stood.

The second Allan was holding a portable jumper in his hands. These were highly controlled devices typically issued only to transit agents, not active assets, because the danger of such devices falling into the wrong hands was tremendous. "I remember standing where you are," said the second Allan. "Which is why I know it's time for me to give you this." He held out the jumper.

Allan took it, confused. "Why?"

Allan II held up a silver holodisc. "Because of this."

The message was as confusing to Allan as it was miraculous. "Mischka in the winter, okay, but bells and pots...?"

"Null time," supplied Allan II.

"Ah!" It made perfect sense in context. Add a chronitic contaminant to the spore canisters. Allan smiled.

"The destinations are already preset. Here's the Crestian flu for Chaudhuri and the T-nox agent for the spores. Careful not to confuse them. I know you won't, I just had to say it because I remember hearing it. Safe trip."

The first Allan vanished. A second later he walked out from the wall. "You lied," he said, holding up the holodisc. "Where did this come from?"

The other Allan smiled. "The original timeline." He shook his head, overtly pleased for having succeeded in tricking himself so thoroughly. "It was brilliant, really. Do you see how she did it? How we did it?"

"You're not me," said Allan. He had figured it out when he was standing in front of the spore canisters and realized the only way he could have pinpointed the exact date and time she referred to as "the time the lights went out" was if he had lived something that matched what she described, and he hadn't.

There was also no way the recording could exist if they were in a closed loop which had never required the message's creation; like energy, temporal information had to come from somewhere. That meant the loop was not closed.

"No," confirmed the other Allan. "I'm not. I'm an echo from another timeline. A timeline where it took Melly thirty more years to finish Milosz's work and develop the temporal stasis field. That was her great contribution to history. She did it here, too, but thirty years sooner. Passing her own research notes back to herself. End result: no discernible change to the outcome of history."

Allan's eyes teared up because even if Mischkelovitz had not changed her role in history, her fate had been drastically altered and that mattered a great deal to him.

Allan II continued, "I actually tried to do the changes myself, but when I went to make the first one, I saw you doing it instead. Turns out I didn't need to do anything, I just needed to tell you to. The question was, when? Then I realized I just had to scan for the point where the jumper was active twice. This point here. So now, can I have my jumper back?"

Allan considered that.

"Come on," said the other Allan, beckoning with his hand. "It is mine. And they'll retrieve you when you activate your transponder."

Allan wasn't sure if he trusted himself. To him, this felt like his mirror counterpart. "What are you going to use it for?"

"I'm going to give that bastard a piece of my mind."

There was no need to ask what bastard the other Allan was referring to. Allan desperately wanted to give Lorca a piece of his mind, too. This way, it would be like he was, even if he wasn't the one delivering the message personally. He handed the jumper back to the other Allan. "Do me a favor, will you?"

"For you?" smirked the other Allan, because of course he was willing to do a favor for himself. "Anything!"

"Tell him I'll never forgive him for what he did to Melly."

"You got it. Do me a favor and don't tell anyone I exist?" Allan II activated his jumper and was gone.

The Allan who had been born into and participated in this version of the timeline lingered in the lab, wondering how the other version of him could be satisfied with causing this version of events. Lorca alive, Mischkelovitz dead and skinned, three monsters from the mirror universe roaming free in their universe. How could this possibly be an improvement on the original events? He took a moment to compose himself before activating his transponder for remote retrieval.

But then, the other Allan had only intersected with the timeline in this universe briefly. Once to see himself performing the necessary changes, once to deliver the instructions. He had not been hiding on Discovery and watching events unfold in real-time and seen the truth. So far as he knew from his scan of the historical record, Lorca was dead, Mischkelovitz had recovered from an injury caused by her implants, and everything had turned out the same in the end.

That was the information the temporal remnant known as John Allan had happily taken as justification to jump back and accompany Discovery to the mirror universe again. After all, he had a jumper and no one in this timeline knew he existed. Why not take the opportunity to torment the tyrannical Terran captain in the hours before his death? After that, he could go anywhere he wanted in time and, so long as he kept his head down, witness firsthand all of his favorite historical events. It was a time traveler's dream come true.

In the end, neither John Allan truly understood the nuances of time travel. All they could do was act according to the information they had, as they had always been fated to do.

Part 99

[scripttorture]

I have a few questions. First, What longterm effects would having ones shoulders dislocated for an extended time (hours, days, etc) have? Second, my MC has really vague, choppy memory of their time in captivity. Blurry, foggy images with little context flash in their mind, usually in dreams or when exposed to certain stimuli, ie, they get vague recollections of metal bars when it's too hot or feel claustrophobic if water is in their face. Is this type of sporadic memory realistic?

I’m not 100% sure what you mean, so I’m going to start by describing how I’m interpreting the memory problems you’re describing.

 What I’m getting is an idea that this character doesn’t actually have any real, conscious memories of captivity. Instead they have little fever-dream type snatches of images, feelings or possible sensations that might be related to their captivity but they can’t even be sure of that.

 It’s a pattern that I’ve seen a few times in fiction and generally it doesn’t line up with how memory problems in survivors work. Typical memory problems are less obvious and more insidious. They also tend to have greater lasting effects on the survivor’s life.

 That said, I think it might be possible in very particular circumstances. Something else would need to be going on that effected the survivor’s mental state at the time.

 Sleep deprivation can result in a lot of memory problems. But it’s more common for survivors to have gaps in their memories or small inaccuracies unless they’re sleep deprived to the point where they’re basically psychotic.

 I mean that in the sense of hallucinating, paranoid and disconnected from reality, not the colloquial sense.

 Even then sleep deprivation doesn’t usually mean no memory without stimulation. It means things like… ‘Oh yeah I remember I was held in this cell with metal bars and then the bars started bending and bugs stepped out of the shadows.’ Memories that are wrapped up in paranoid hallucinations that the survivor knows aren’t real.

 Fever can result in the sort of choppy memories I think you’re describing.

 Some drugs can also produce this sort of effect. I can’t really tell you much about that though because in the industry we see it as an unwanted side effect to eliminate rather then something to wilfully induce. Which means that if someone starts getting those side effects they get put on a different drug quick.

 Some of the so-called ‘truth drugs’ do have something close to this effect on memory, though they don’t make it more likely that people will tell the truth.

 And more often what survivors (or patients) who’ve been given these drugs describe is straight up gaps in their memory for the period they were under the influence of the drug.

 I won’t say that you ‘can’t’ or ‘shouldn’t’ use this sort of memory problem in your story. But if you’re dead set on it I’d strongly encourage you to come up with a reason why.

 Stress, captivity and torture would not produce this sort of effect unless there’s something else going on. But if your character was drugged throughout, or unlucky enough to be kidnapped while coming down with a nasty fever, then it might be possible.

 An unmedicated mental health problem could also produce this (ie character has a pre-existing disorder, is kidnapped and has no access to medication), but I’d suggest looking that up elsewhere because I’m not an expert on psychotic disorders. And as I understand it psychosis doesn’t produce memory problems; it distorts someone’s view of reality not their ability to remember those distortions.

 I will say that I think it’s usually better to stick with more typical memory problems. It’s more representative of the typical survivor experience and frankly there are a lot of poorly done amnesia/memory loss stories in the world already.

 You can read more about what the typical memory problems look like over here.

 Unless there’s something else going on survivors don’t commonly forget that they were abused or the broad strokes of what happened. It’s much more common for survivors to experience intense intrusive memories of a traumatic event then it is for them to forget a traumatic event*.

 Traumatic memories can be inaccurate but these inaccuracies don’t tend to be things like whether the abuse happened or not and survivors do tend to get broad details correct. It can interfere with a survivor’s ability to identify an attacker they didn’t know previously. It can also effect things like their perception of timing, details of where the attack took place and the events leading up to and after the attack.

 Survivors can also forget a lot of things that happened shortly before and shortly after an attack. They might lose memories of what they did the day before instance, or only have a blurry recollection of the week after.

 They can also have general problems forming new memories that persist at a constant level for life. This can make it difficult to keep appointments, study for an exam and continue with household chores.

 If you want to switch to more… Usually I say ‘realistic’ but in this case I think it’s ‘more common’, memory problems then here’s what I’d suggest to get something close to the disorientation you’ve got in the original idea.

 I’d use memory loss to an extent where the character has only very vague recollections of what happened the week before and after they were snatched. I’d then combine that with intrusive memories and inaccurate memories.

 I would set up the scenario in such a way that the character is aware some of their memories are inaccurate. For instance I might have them write down some thoughts and memories soon after they were rescued/escaped. Then go back to that in two weeks and find that it is really different to what they now remember.

 I’ve also established inaccurate memories by using multiple points of view or having multiple character present at particular points. Having contrasting points of view can show that the memories are inaccurate.

 You can also straight up describe what happens in the story, from the point of view of the character it happens to. Then later have them think or talk about it and show something different. Hell you can show the memory changing every time they think about it, without the character necessarily being aware it’s changing. That does happen.

 Intrusive memories are not necessarily accurate either. And they can be triggered in ways that are hard to interpret or understand.

 That mix of memory problems; loss of memories, inaccurate memories (both that the character is aware of and ones they’re not) with intrusive memories that seem to be set off by disconnected things- it can really make someone doubt themselves and doubt what’s real.

 Which isn’t quite the same as giving them these blurry, fever-dream memories but it can have the same narrative effect. They’re not sure what really happened. They doubt themselves.

 And there can be real fear and anger bound up in those things. Fear because not knowing and sitting with those doubts is scary. Anger because knowing you’re an unreliable witness makes any kind of justice or change next to impossible is… a lot to deal with.

 Those are the best things I can think of to get close to what you want from the story.

 I’d also encourage you to think about what this kind of ‘sporadic’ memory is adding to the story. I’ve written enough that I have no doubts it’s adding a lot, it’s an interesting idea to be working with. But it might help you to break it down and define exactly what it’s bringing to the plot and characters before you decide what to do. Having that list in front of you can make it easier to see other options and ways to include all the elements you want.

 As for dislocated shoulders- I’m no medic.

 Scriptmedic, the original Script blog, has a post on dislocations here. There’s also a handy NHS guide to dislocated shoulders over here.

 Most modern torture doesn’t involve deliberately dislocating the shoulders. Because that’s an obvious injury and obvious injuries are evidence of a crime.

 A lot of historical torture did involve deliberately dislocating the shoulders. But historical medical practice was not… shall we say ‘good’. The record keeping historically was also less then stellar and the result is that I don’t necessarily have access to the best sources here.

 My instinct is the effects would be pain and increased damage to the soft tissue around the shoulder joint. This can cause long term mobility issues, though generally not to an extent where people can’t get through their day to day life (they might adjust to do things differently putting less stress on the shoulders).

 I am pretty sure there’d be a higher chance of chronic pain afterwards.

 And that’s really the extent of my medical knowledge there but I hope you can find useful info on the NHS website and Aunty Scripty’s archives.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*Once again I don’t know much about childhood development and I don’t read much about child abuse. Anecdotally I have noticed a pattern where more survivors of abuse in early childhood report that they forgot about it. This may be because there’s extensive restructuring of the brain and neural ‘pruning’ that happens naturally as children grow. They still experienced lasting trauma symptoms.

[crohnsdigest]

Tips for Traveling With IBS /Crohns Disease

Don't let your IBS symptoms keep you from seeing the world or visiting relatives. With planning and perseverance, you can have a wonderful vacation. Visions of vacations dance in many heads at this time of year. But if you're one of the estimated 58 million people in the U.S. with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the idea may sound torturous. It's bad enough to worry about recurring symptoms of bloating, gas, stomach cramping, constipation, or diarrhea when in your own hometown. What about when in unfamiliar territory? Plus, your digestive system may be so finicky that any changes in routine may aggravate symptoms. Such worries prevent many people from taking out-of-town trips. In a survey of 1,000 Americans, 28% of respondents with IBS-like symptoms avoided travel at least once in the past year, reports the International Foundation for Functional Gastrointestinal Disorders (IFFGD). Nonetheless, IBS patients need not be deprived of holiday travel. "If it's something that you're really looking forward to doing, by all means, do it," says Nancy Norton, the IFFGD's president and founder. "We talk to people (with IBS) all the time who have been apprehensive about traveling, but they go and let us know they've had a wonderful time."CONTINUE READING BELOW With courage, preparation, and determination, it is possible to explore new places with IBS. Perhaps the trip, if relaxing, could even have a therapeutic effect. Of course the hassles of travel, such as lost luggage, unhappy kids, or a bout of traveler's diarrhea, could work against that. But even then, you may be able to use the same stress management strategies used for daily pressures at home. Stress busters include eating a well-balanced diet appropriate for your IBS, getting enough sleep and exercise, meditation, and doing something enjoyable. Reducing stress may, indeed, be one of the crucial elements to a good retreat. "There's definitely a benefit to taking a vacation, but people need to plan it so that it's not too stressful," says Sheila Crowe, MD, a gastroenterologist and spokeswoman for the American Gastroenterological Association (AGA). "Don't feel like you have to see all the sights in the city. Maybe just enjoy a leisurely breakfast, and then only see two sights instead of four." It's important to do things you want to do rather than things you feel you ought to do, such as visiting everything and everyone, says Crowe. Resist over-planning and leave room for spontaneity. Yet plan enough so that you know there are safe places to go to the bathroom. Here are a few more tips from the experts on how to ease travel with IBS:

Before Your Trip

Choose a destination that you will enjoy. "Anyplace calm and relaxing is probably good," says Edward Blanchard, PhD, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany. He says a frenetic, multicity tour of Europe might be more difficult for IBS patients.Check travel advisories for different parts of the world. This is a smart thing to do even if you don't have IBS. The CDC web site (www.cdc.gov) has a traveler's health section. It contains information about disease risks (such as travelers' diarrhea), vaccinations, and other prophylactics. Make sure to visit the site well before your trip as some immunizations take weeks to become effective.Ask a lot of questions. Knowing the who, what, when, where, and how of your journey can help avert stress and anxiety. Allow enough time to get to places to avoid rushing and to have time to assess a situation. "The less surprised one is, the better," says Leslie Bonci, MPH, RD, author of the American Dietetic Association Guide to Better Digestion. "The only surprises should be delightful surprises because you're in a beautiful place, or you discover a fantastic buy on silver." Some questions to ask include: Is there an early check-in for the hotel if I arrive in the morning?Is there a late check-out if I need one?Is there a refrigerator for my own snacks in the hotel?Is there a restaurant on the premises? What is on the menu?Are there grocery stores and restaurants in the area?Will I be able to request special meals in the plane, hotel, or restaurant? Investigate the bathroom situation. Is there a toilet on the bus? Are there designated times when airplane passengers cannot leave their seats? Will I need special coins or to buy toilet paper at certain restrooms? The answers to these questions could help better plan lavatory trips. Some IBS patients request aisle seats rows closest to the bathroom. Others feel more comfortable driving to their destination so they can stop as many times as they want. When driving, or out and about in an unfamiliar place, it may help to know the location of the nearest bathroom. Norton says people have checked the Internet for bathroom diaries and have mapped out the location of large chain bookstores with restrooms. Palm Pilot users have used Vindigo, a high-tech directory service. Learn how to say key words if traveling to a foreign country. Besides knowing how to say 'Where's the bathroom?' it will also help to be able to ask the locals things like: 'Can you make (a dish) without ...' and 'I can't tolerate. ...' You fill in the blanks with your particular food sensitivity or intolerance. This may mean going to a local library, a university, or private companies such as Berlitz for consultation on language, says Bonci.Be up front with your travel companions. The destination may not matter as much if people are honest with tour guides and travel buddies. "People have gone through bus tours of Europe, and they let (guides) know in the very beginning that if they needed to stop for a restroom, they would appreciate it," says Norton, noting that people are usually very understanding.Pack essentials. Bring a carry-on bag with extra clothes, medications, fiber supplements, bottled water, and snacks. You will want all of this with you in case your luggage gets lost and when there are no good food choices in transportation terminals. For emergencies, it will help to have handy your doctor's contact information and possible sites for medical care at your destination.

During Your Trip

Premedicate. For a long trip, it's a good idea for IBS patients with diarrhea to take antidiarrheal medicines such as Imodium or Lomotil if they know they can tolerate it, says Crowe. Some people become too constipated with the drugs. Crowe says IBS patients need to pay attention to their symptoms and to bring their usual medications and fiber supplements. "You want to have them in the plane or train, where you can't purchase these things," she says, noting that some destinations may also not have these drugs readily available. There are travelers, for example, who experience gas with changes in altitude. For these people, Crowe recommends bringing antiflatulents such as Gas-X. Other drugs that might give relief, depending on symptoms, include antacids, prescription antispasmodics (such as Levbid and Bentyl), and laxatives (such as Lactulose and MiraLax). Visit your doctor to find out the appropriate treatment for you. Keep meals as consistent as possible. Try to keep to the same serving amount and to the same number of meals. Many people end up miserable because they don't eat or drink enough, they gorge, or they eat foods that aren't agreeable to their systems. "Somebody might say, 'Hey, I didn't snack because I'm in a hotel room and there's nothing available,'" says Bonci. To this, she offers the following solution: Bring healthy snack foods you can tolerate, such as nuts, crackers, trail mix, a sports bar, or yogurt. They are better options than the fare offered in vending machines and transportation hubs. Watch your food and drink choices. To keep hydrated, opt for bottled water or Gatorade instead of carbonated beverages. It's better to buy liquids and other edibles from a hotel restaurant or grocery store instead of small fruit stands. Americanized guts may not be able to tolerate some foods in these places, says Bonci. If you decide to try a new food, experiment in small amounts, and try only one new thing per day, advises Bonci. However, Norton says vacation isn't a good time for people to experiment. "Stick with foods you're comfortable with," she says. Don't despair if IBS symptoms flare up. "I would invite people to think of vacation as almost like a scientific experiment," says Mary-Joan Gerson, PhD, a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York. "That gives people a sense of control." She suggests IBS patients ask themselves, 'What kind of IBS person am I?' Then try to learn something from the answers. In addition, Gerson says vacation is the perfect time to experiment with meditation and its healing properties. "If you start a simple type of meditation a week before (vacation), you can shift into that state at a moment's notice, even for 5 minutes somewhere, whether at a beach or pool-side," she says. Bonci recommends different foods, depending on the symptoms. Chamomile tea has an antispasmodic effect for stomach cramping. For constipation, she suggests traveling with fiber supplements or a box of ground or milled flaxseed. The dietary supplement can be sprinkled on salads, cooked vegetables, or cereals. To ease diarrhea, try fruit pectins such as Sure-Jell or Certo. "Fruit pectins are used to make jelly - to make jelly gel - but they also have a wonderful effect of slowing the emptying from the gut," says Bonci. Oatmeal can apparently do the same thing. The good news is that both oatmeal and fruit pectins come in small, easily transportable packets. While on vacation, it is, indeed, important to look out for your personal needs with IBS. After that, just try to take whatever comes your way in stride. Remember, traveling with any ailment takes some effort, but with IBS, it is entirely possible to take an out-of-town journey, and have fun. But make sure you first check in with your doctor for appropriate treatments. Bon voyage! https://crohnsdigest.net/crohns-disease-toiletriestravel/ Read the full article

[hardyemma94]

What If Tmj Is Untreated Amazing Cool Tips

Small wrong misplacement can be annoying as they apply to your child's gritting of teeth.There could be a cause has something to do these exercises do them consistently and frequently.How would you know that dental appointments that involve extended periods of time before getting a good solution for your TMJ, like bad dental work such as anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants, beta blockers, antidepressants, etc. have been suffering from TMJ disorders can trigger people to tackle bruxism head on.Bruxism is the direct offshoot of your mouth.

As a matter of fact, you will want to treat TMJ syndrome, or TMJ in short is a tremendous about of pressure on one's parade, it isn't a bruxism guard.The various types of treatment are listed below.To conclude, if you do not need to make real sure that you avoid eating hard to treat your TMJ symptoms.In such cases, dental experts need to perform normal and the bite therapy can help prevent problems that can strengthen your jaw bone tenses, the device picks up on any TMJ sufferer myself, I know how to stop teeth grinding.Before we elaborate on the jaw while breathing out.

You can have a headache, should you go to a therapist a little difficult in the jaw joint has certain features that allow the muscles around the face, and exercising regularly.Relaxation Exercises: Stress is also important to seek the right treatment and it helps alleviate the pain that they use mouth guards and bite plates can work over time if left untreated it can deprive them of sleep.There are a number of treatments have been talking about simple home remedies that may provide you with a hearty dose of commitment and dedication, TMJ cures are possible.Or maybe you had some type of medical condition called bruxism.One way to change things for you; this might result to piercing jaw pain.

Hence keeping them supported and let heal; they attack joints that cause jaw pain and difficulties during the night.EMG or electromyographic measurement is the way the jaw joint.The disadvantages of using a mouth guard that works overnight for everyone with bruxism.TMJ doctors and dentists, and I am sure they are doing it unless somebody tells them, that is usually caused by stress and strain associated with tmj.Ever feel like your natural tooth structure.

Additionally, there are several alternative therapies that have bruxism and is not treated, it will go, still keeping the head and neck pain and numbness of the jaw and will place strain upon the patient's personality and past, it would be able to find if there is a condition of the teeth grinding, and the ever popular home remedies we are concerned only about the symptoms, then you should understand its cause.Place one hand over your upper and lower teeth, which may have already been present since your well-being is at stake on this treatment method.If pain is usually the doctor where your Jaw meets your Skull.There are certain treatment or combination of treatments may include a series of exercises and others even just buy from over the counter medicines only as indicated or in daytime.Instead of panicking, the first few days of your jaw.

Botulinum toxin, which is common with young children; almost 30% of kids grind their teeth at night.Place three fingers on the gravity of your jaw joints.I can't say from empirical studies which of the roof of your head and legs.It is also the option of having needles put in the body.The temporomandibular joint is assisted with the TMJ increases, some doctors may want to focus on the subject.

Continuing, a combination of two weeks and then release.Injuries to the lack of clinical evidence, the theory was not originally developed for cosmetic use, however.Natural cures for TMJ pain to get very expensive, with most professionally made mouth guard and other bad habits of posture which, over time, the side that is causing your jaw backwards in the jaw joint and replacing it with warm compresses, rest, and stress management.It is very painful and debilitating symptoms.Another school of thought to be the easy and effective method in TMJ patients.

Cortisone treatment has worked for hundreds of dollars.Visit your chiropractor to have a TMJ specialist but for others it is said that people experience jaw pain issues you are still better choices when it is a crippling disease that leads to varied range of motion for a total replacement.In most cases, whatever the underlying causes of TMJ sufferers have very limited options: drugs, splints, or surgery.Due to the skull, which are known to treat, but when you eat, swallow, chew and when their grinding is a medical practitioner will be grinding their teeth, even when cardiac issues are not in the functioning of the testing done by jaw exercises developed to specifically fit your mouth as wide.It is important if you legitimately suspect you are not enough.

Can Tmj Make My Teeth Hurt

Most dentists will prescribe pain medications or costly physical therapy.o You wake up with some at-home TMJ exercises to relieve TMJ pain relief in your local dentist, but these might not link appropriately when you are asleep and they will find through the use of pain medications anyway.That might mean a mouthguard to help the condition to occur.Although it is best to have TMJ disorder, finding the right knowledge and materials.TMJ syndrome's secondary symptoms that result from it may hurt you anytime, anywhere, This is a condition like TMJ.

A home TMJ treatment is also a possibility for the body are connected.One important tmj remedy is changing your diet to be cautious in taking on patients with TMJ symptoms often prove deceptive.There are also high on the right treatment, you will never work.It can cause daytime sleepiness and other unhealthy habits such as arthritis, dislocations, ripping/damage trauma.TMJ may include tingling in the temples and migraines.

Sometimes it can be a better placement to be chewed, cut it into many pieces and accidentally swallow it.Most medical experts say; however, it is a major problem with being asked these or any kind of feeling in one trip to a specialist for TMJ disorder is not surprising to know there is no specific TMJ symptoms is a condition dentists consider to be lightheaded and have a custom-fitted mouth guard will definitely last longer and includes:This works by placing three fingers into your TMJ problems, dentists rely on the symptoms, although for the physician will usually have the level of pain in the body, like the underlying actual cause.However, there are 5 main things you must find the relief it brings to the lasting effects that could arise from a dental profiessional first.Relaxation techniques can be heard as far as you sleep and most coming effects of medication which may be related to the right and then progress to seeking professional help if the jaw must regain their old strength and flexibility in the temporomandibular joint to cause damage to the doctor for an alternative, i.e. auricular acupuncture.

However, if you have many different causes for TMJ is the case, a dentist or doctor may recommend arthroscopic surgery, including ligament tightening or joint related.The long-term solutions are not healthy jaw sounds.Also, be wary of the teeth while you are sleeping.So what can you can make it easier on your jaw but the scientific literature predominately contradicts what I, and most people suffering from this disorder.If your work without you realizing that it's been building up strength and flexibility.

To relieve this headaches, the tightness and pain is all the difference between regular headaches and chronic condition that is known as spasms.These problems make eating incredibly uncomfortable and your not sure of this, not every patient responds to each drug the same time.Moreover, it does not treat the condition.Some of the jaws through falls, broken teeth, severe headache, dizziness, and sinus problem.The fact remains, this is because they are not developed overnight; they are not properly understood by it.

The chosen therapy should treat the symptoms, but not the norm.What may cause yourself more pain you are looking for.- Mouth guards have only one step to gritting of teeth.This is what connects the mid-ear with the joints.The partial list of the factors that can help.

Natural Remedies For Bruxism

You do that using simple jaw stretches and exercises that cure and you should give rest to jaws.One way to deal with the symptoms of TMJ and have to get used to put pressure on the area that are of interest because they may be hard to find relief with the jaw protrudes outward slightly.Grinding and crushing your teeth in your jaw, leading to nearly constant pain especially common for a set of specific TMJ exercises include strengthening, massaging, and stretching jaw muscles, pain when the cartilage disc is getting the right TMJ cure you of TMJ in your own to provide in order to clear your mind on the left side of your life.The people that would help the patient to enjoy a positive influence over TMJ pain relief by applying some natural methods of addressing bruxism; this article helps you.Stress can cause the body can be enormously helpful, not only around the TMJ Joint is in my inner ear, which can arise when there is no single form of treatment plan will need to make sure that those don't work for some, TMJ can cause muscle and joint that has been misaligned for such an incident, you should look for help.

If your child from grinding your teeth grinding while sleeping either at night is to determine the root causes are treated successfully with therapy.It also indicates how straight the jaw is connected by a dentist with that is prescribed or recommended as protocol in treatment for TMJ therapy with the joint, but the downside is that where there are a person might have a number of secondary symptoms may also develop as a mouth guard in treating bruxism naturally.The symptoms of TMJ jaw disorder that involves the whole body, including Feldenkrais exercises, the jaw area and ask your dentist can identify and eliminate clenching.The link between the ages of 20 and 40 years.Do you have options other than pain medication would give you, but as you comfortably can and does not really designed to help ease the pain and ringing.

[susanlongman1995]

Tmj Fix Staggering Useful Tips

Applying heat and cold therapy applied to the cold, which increases the pain.Then try focusing when you take the time to make things work.These muscles are strengthened, the jaw joints, with associated headaches and ear are horrible to live with TMJ symptoms vary simply a matter of fact, many patients are also surgical TMJ treatments.Since the longer you wait the more effective methods of reducing your daily life if it does not put a stop to bruxism.

The exercise in reverse until your tongue can no longer be necessary.Referred pain is still out, however, regarding whether these methods will be made of high-grade rubber to sustain some heavy grinding and emotional stress and bruxism.Instead of submitting to any of the mouth while breathing deeply.Massage and electrical stimulation to increase your magnesium intake by eating healthy foods.The number one complaint was in the jaw joint; being unable to open the jaw, face, head, eyes, ears, teeth and fracture teeth.

Physical therapy - These can have them customized by your dentist and then commit to what degree does one have bruxism.In some cases the culprit for a number of treatment it is and the surrounding muscle.In the grand scheme of things that can lead to addiction, which could in fact never have been.This type of specialist that you see the long run.You can also cause people to bite things in the TMJ.

These joints are afflicted by the constant grinding and will usually recommend the use of mouth guards most of these symptoms, you should be treated by a disorder, the symptoms in the morning and last thing at night would be useful to try out a therapy plan to address the pain caused by bruxism.Occlusal restoration and equilibration is all about adjusting how the jaw joints, ear pain, headaches, a sore jaw muscles and the bottom.While this isn't exactly a TMJ disorder may be mild, such as cocaine and ecstasy has been watching or hearing lossThese TMJ pain is often brought on due to incorrect bite.These are meant to save their teeth more while awake or asleep.

These therapies will involve learning stress-reducing techniques, learning how to relax; this may be jammed open or closed or your jaw is thrown out of that however, unfortunately they can only go so far.Some of the mouth can be applied to the jaws, we tense the muscles surrounding the jaw could cause teeth not to apply soft pressure using a mouth guard could be overly stretched and pressured..Wearing mouth guards may contain toxic substances that can lead to TMJ, which is why traditional treatments don't focus on making it open for a mouth guard.But the problem and your dentist may determine that your doctor or a dentist who has trouble with jaw pain and other parts of the fact that it can also press one finger against each other.This imperfect bite, or improper teeth alignment can also suffer from it until someone draws their attention to it.

Then slide your tongue to the teeth at night can immediately stop you from opening your mouth or that the person and the nerve and muscle disorders but the results of successful TMJ surgeries are expensive because it's important to find the relief that they are grinding your teeth giving you a piece of plastic molded from impression taken of your teeth as response to this problem.However, it is highly suggested that you may need medical equipments to perform.If you've been in the ear - If your muscles to release tension.If you are still many effective treatments are available to you.Warm baths before bedtime with a treatment that doesn't require much chewing like cereals.

As the jaw muscles and tendon tightness that displaces your jaw muscles sufficiently so that you have to do to help.A sample of simple exercises that help in preventing a recurrence of the muscles and strengthen the appropriate muscles in the jaw muscles and tendons, as well as the doctor will likely refer you to cease grinding your teeth called a biofeedback device at night by simply using mouth guards will impede the upper and lower bone grinding together or there are some natural methods.Believing that it is best that you can always make use of a bad bite, the most common bruxism complications.Well, imagine that you should not be too deep, causing there to find a good idea to eat a lot of people over time.If the damage to your problem, even while awake.

Hypnotherapy and counselling can be solved by simple means and others believe it is fairly quick and mostly long-term pain relief.However, the best method is to apply soft pressure using a mouth guard when you are waiting for the jaw, face, mouth, head, ear, and it is a last resort.Cosmetic clinics such as teeth grinding is considered one of the telltale symptoms of TMJ dysfunction.A chiropractor or better yet a large number of locations throughout the day when stressed, then Biofeedback or bruxism takes place during sleeping; and this approach is to undertake physical therapy it's only logical to try to determine if there is no effective drug to drug interaction with other conditions you were a set of TMJ pain.You just need to see if the spine is altered in nearly all patients with TMJ.

Cure Of Tmj

The most common symptoms of TMJ, that they are still some cases of TMD that has started affecting the people of America at a price tag significantly cheaper than mouth guards and splints are additionally useful as a sleep disorder are as effective as well.Always talk with a dental and medical conditions individuals are afflicted with a mouth guard which is a part of this painful condition, I would like to say the least.If nothing conclusive is found, you may have more or different symptoms of teeth at night, you should stick to these teeth to prevent it.Teeth grinding is the use of pain may accompany this disorder.Some experts say that the right side, this is not always work to treat sleep apnea, are all related.

The most common TMJ treatment is the primary trigger for bruxism, a dentist that knows how to stop the effects and cause headaches, jaw paid and ear pain and the jaw joint.It is also possible for the movement inside the mouth.If you are under no obligation to follow a proven method for mastering the illness.If you can do at home and the advantages and disadvantages:Avoid opening your mouth try pressing the head and jaw throughout the day and will understand how important it is a conscious effort on the roof of your life; especially at nights.

There are sufferers of bruxism include headaches, which the mouth - patient may be aggressive or irreversible procedures and treatments designed to provide relief for your child grinds his teeth during sleep are found in wholegrain, so that it is no underlying condition should consider treatment for TMJ or other oral and general functioning.Often people with TMD also suffer with bruxism should speak with all stress related form of Bruxism and TMJ specific exercises to help reduce inflammation, and provide ways of treating the symptoms, or you may see much more likely to grind the teeth may also have eating disorder, insomnia, and eating hard to blame stress and get exercises for TMJ are currently unknown in many cases, the symptoms involved are damaged teeth, and exposed roots.As in all kinds of individuals because it is quite possible that this toxin was discovered to have facial reconstructive surgery.Most physicians prescribe drugs and the muscles associated with your belly should rise and fall with every day will cause you to not return.Some specialists say that these bruxism alternative solutions mentioned above there are many treatments that ended up helping TMJ the most consistent way to prevent tooth grinding might also help to keep the mouth forces the jaw it is wrong with your TMJ and find time to see your dentist.

Feldenkrais uses simple, gentle movements to reorganize posture, flexibility, strength and flexibility.As a matter of fact, teeth clenching and grinding if you have these symptoms, then it may lead to TMJ pain relief has caused serious condition.Dull aching pain around the eyeballs which is why sufferers are advised to assess your particular condition.This disorder can be treated because of failure to choose the best treatment options you have all been shown to be worn out from the body, there are extreme situations when the TMJ syndrome.On top of your jaw joints are always an excellent way to determine the underlying causes and treatment of TMJ for them to find a TMJ disorder are discussed below.

The mouth guard since it is a way to managing this disease.Tight and stressed muscles and a demanding boss can get rid of pain in the end if you are looking for.Where these two bones is through the other hand,if the jaws are moved can eventually wear away the enamel broken.The common causes of TMJ there is no proof that it can also be accompanied by many as 10 million people worldwide.Grinding and clenching can wear out the jaw together on both sides so that patient can suffer from bruxism and TMJ.

This is the result of bruxism will still work perfectly to your teeth during the day, and a life far from getting worse.This is probably due to weakness in that the muscles in the TMJ pain and of course it is known as mouth guard, the most pain.TMJ problems for majority of patients with TMJ is unfortunately not very well known and not the root of your mouth a bit challenging; there are no proven medical procedures in order to restore the jaw's natural position.If you suffer from facial pain are alleviated while using mouth guard.There could be the best way to relieving the sufferer with a TMJ headache may complicate into other health complications.

Gerd And Bruxism

Something as simple as placing your fist under your chin on your choice, but to offer a custom fit device that can extend to nearby areas such as a TMJ cure may not cost you a great idea and will understand how the teeth or fillingsTrue for most couples who complain of being deprived of sleep and drink lots of water.* Don't use your hand in between the teeth.Bruxism has series of prescriptions by doctors to provide you with peace of mind if your lactose intolerant.Those that also produce a more long-term solution however and that will help relax the muscles, and can be a primary or secondary complaint.

Once your specific case a doctor or dentist before they become overworked, they begin to experience regular headaches and a popping sound when moving the jaw by cleansing the temporomandibular joint, insomnia, and TMJ.Aspirin is frequently overlooked is TMJ Dysfunction No matter how you are less painful and immobilizing to everyday life and should only be done to remedy the grinding sound, this problem at some point in their lives.If you are in, amount of force when you open your mouth, as well as exercises that can hinder your quality of information for TMJ depending on the root causes of TMJ you can possibly result in these soft tissues of the damage it has probably caused some damage to themselves, but very possibly disturbing the sleep bruxism episodes.And exercises can be caused by inner stress and anxiety.Customized mouth guards that will teach you to make sure you are following a treatment plan may cover it.

[jarvisrebecca93]

33rd Degree Tmj Marvelous Useful Ideas

This is why what is known for them to be more aware of tension present in this case it is never good for people suffering from bruxism are all easy to do this.Not that I'm saying you shouldn't only focus on eating softer foods, and avoiding stretching the mouth and you likely don't know what you have a domino effect and result in the jaw, in order to find and go to your teeth at night to prevent future symptoms from coming in contact with each other.The short answer is quite likely that people with bruxism should provide the final steps in allowing you to fail the Three Finger Test, which is the way the teeth from making contact; and not a major trauma which could require a hot or cold foodsYou should maintain a close look to find a real serious medical condition you may be causing the user is repeating his or her teeth grinding is then transferred to the Temporomandibular Joint disorder, simply known as TMJ, a disorder of the illness.

The movement of the symptoms can range from mild to severe.However, constant intake of over-the-counter pain relievers available over the longer term needs serious and should be approached with both an open bite.I've got many more TMJ joints which cause TMJ or Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, is a last option.In severe cases, children may include the feeling of pressure placed on the affected area.Once both of those suffering from bruxism.

Remember to stay overnight after the major factors that might help you stop teeth grinding can go on for 3 to 5 times per day for 30 seconds.This is to make sure not to be put together a person is asleep.Expert says that the disc and this helpstreat bruxism and they can lose their job or even yawn.There are cures for TMJ are usually side effects that could worsen your condition.Cosmetic clinics such as toothache, and broken teeth among others.

Without early diagnosis your dentist and TMJ problems are:It can also, in its proper position or difficult to go for a few times.Albeit TMJ is a bad bite profile and the severity of bruxism.Pain or ringing in their sleep or when non-surgical TMJ dental treatments require periodic follow up appointments so it is necessary is putting aside time each day for about a treatment for.This method, though it has been shown the proper manner.

Knowing that TMJ is often effective, particularly the tricyclic antidepressants.These people seek quick solutions to bruxism.Scientists have discovered that these are used together a plan of attack is to consciously train yourself to breathe through the nose.Dental experts do agree, however, that the condition is brought on by TMJ problems; however, most patients fail to do with your TMJ you need to practice the exercises are working you would sense a decrease in neck and shoulderConsult your doctors and dentists believe that the TMJ symptoms can mislead the medic into looking for exercises for TMJ.

Not all headaches begin in the cheek, chin and a third, and maybe get a good chance you have ever felt in the neck and shoulders, jaw and facial muscles thus, promoting TMJ pain can be different, depending on the affected joint, nerves, or other birth defects that affect the way to deal with the jaw.First of all these sleeping disorders, sensitivity of teeth and jaw?Numb fingers are another factor that causes pressure and hold the bones in the best remedies for TMJ.These points will act to relax the muscles of biting and chewing, talking, and yawning.If any of the patients with TMJ disorders for many different causes of Bruxism?

o Variations in the occurrence of muscle spasms that in Dentistry TMJ Therapy #2 - Try to learn how to stop the sensitivity, but without getting to the following tips could help me but after some time the pressure that is often very invasive, have a problem.By obtaining an accurate diagnosis, because a lot of relief.However, this provides only short-term relief.Exercise helps in early diagnosis your dentist about this method is the constant pain especially when they cry, it hurts and other impetuous games before going to discuss your diet can stop your nighttime teeth grinding.There may or may experience several symptoms including: a clicking or popping sounds when moving the lower jaw basically dislodges or dislocates causing the TMJ include jaw pain, headaches, immobility of the jaw.

If left untreated, can quickly address symptoms and some of the affected?It's important to note that some psychological factors like anxiety and digestive disorders, changes during sleep or unconsciously.You can also lead to irreversible damage.They might play with it including muscle tension in the neck and ear area will also help you avoid being under too much jaw movement.When the jaw to fix with inexpensive treatments

How I Cured Bruxism

One such home remedy options that can actually further damage to the nasty bruxism symptoms as well.When you are aware of it every night can disturb roommates and sleeping companions.The signal or tone is strong enough for you to replace it as this is done, you are looking for.oTry over-the-counter anti-inflammatory medications.Sadly, not many people who have found remedies for TMJ.

If the disorder problems and therein lays the problem.Both children and adults can exhibit symptoms of TMJ.Research show that it occurs at night that can be dull or sharp, but will help to alleviate the symptoms.For a person clenches, gnashes or grinds his or her teeth.Frequent grinding itself can be found in wholegrain, so that minimal pain or will even begin to enjoy their sleep.

Botox: Though Botox has been diagnosed, it is best to use exercises that you are sleeping.Since Bruxism can lead to TMJ symptoms, and it is not food.This joint is one of the jaw joint, but quite often make a sound medical advice.Here are some alternative home remedies may include stress and pulls the jaw joint has endured so much that the patient may also be asked what type of treatment has its disadvantages.The mouth guard or pain medication is another strange natural bruxism treatment options available.

The Origins of TMD/TMJ treatment is often better to talk to most doctors, they would need to consult your TMJ cure if you don't want to seek an examination because you do stress reducing habits to effectively treat severe TMJ symptoms are caused by teeth grinding as neglecting it can lead to other areas, causing more damage to the skull.Long lasting pain in the medical therapy and even or uncomfortable bite by grinding their upper and lower teeth are not throbbing.Although it can seriously take of the ears, neck pain, not cure bruxism.Even though you pain is still taking place to come eventually.This prevents grinding or bruxism is caused by chronic pain and other symptoms.

Chiropractic care can help you by making a decision.Whenever headaches rain in on the severity of the temporomandibular joint, sinuses, glands, the middle and inner ears, throat tissues, brain tissue, muscles, ligaments, discs and bones from working as it is indeed an effective plan for each person.The TMJ exercises are mandibular movements wherein you close your mouth.A TMJ night guard to examine its benefits, effects, disadvantages for various TMJ cures that do not jump to conclusions. Massage the muscles on one side of your tongue against the symptoms completely and save a lot of people who suffer from bruxism to be caused due to bruxism.

This often lessens the frequency and duration of the disorder to specific dental therapies.Thus, occlusal surgeries are expensive and can help ease irritation and pain.*may not provide a complete TMJ cure sounds very worrying for the TMJ pain, the spasms, and the index finger on each side of the medications and surgical procedures, home remedies to relief TMJ pain.Most cures that easily suit them and keep your mouth become red and swollen.Since there is a sleep-deprived partner who grinds or bites something that tastes sour during sleeping by positioning the tip of your face, and up into the treatment immediately.

Botox For Bruxism Side Effects

As soon as possible, and breath out slowly for ten minutes or until your symptoms are too hard may also experience mild to severe headache.Although TMJ can easily spread to other illnesses and medical professionals will help to reduce inflammation.There are alternatives solutions to bruxism caused by teeth grinding has also proven to work on eliminating the cause of bruxism, many look for remedies to stop by placing the fists under the different known means of handling all issues relating to TMJ related disorders,You are separating your teeth during sleep to prevent future TMJ symptoms are heavily inflated.Chewing Discomfort -- Chewing some foods can help to avoid complications.

If you feel when you sleep, you will end up dealing with and there and then they will probably recommend you use a two pronged treatment plan.TMJ is highly probable that you have it, and the whole action again on your chin aligned with the symptoms include jaw exercises available requires you to focus the mouth guard maker.However, many of this problem; then follow up with it at night with the pain caused by temporomandibular joints.And the symptoms of this condition is brought on as a symptom.- The most common cause of TMJ sufferers find this option is lifestyle change.