#my gay heart was going wild the entire time

[alittlelessalone]

Okay, so I just got back from a trip to Japan and I went to the restaurant that inspired Sia La Luce and I just need to share my experience (and photos) with everyone!!!

First of all, look at their Joe shrine! It's right on the bar and always on display! Also glad they added a Cherry. Can't have a shrine to Joe without him!

And the second our waitress saw my sk8 phone straps, she pointed them out and said we could get some photos after our meal. I assumed she meant I could snap a few, but then she let us go up to the bar and started positioning us. Even the cook joined in! They were both so nice about it and found my excitement really endearing (the waitress even snapped a picture of me to keep for the restaurant). I censored these for posting online, but you can be 100% certain I'll be showing them off to all my friends!

Then, our waitress brought out a Sk8 art book to show us our table was right next to the outlet where Carla was charged! (Lol, look at my mini-Carla go!)

And this one wasn't pointed out to me, but apparently I'm gay enough that I recognized the picture. And I was right! Look! It's the same one!!!!

So yeah, overall it was a really great experience! The food was great, the staff were super friendly (even if they didn't speak much English and my Japanese is also pretty limited). I'm so glad my friend and I decided to do this (and grateful she went along with it since she hasn't seen Sk8 yet). We did a ton of really incredible things in Japan, but this had to be the one with the potential for the most awkward moments, but it ended up just being a really fun and wholesome time. 100% recommend going to Cucina Italiana Tamanaha if you're going to Okinawa. As long as you're respectful and actually eat a meal there, I think other fans will also have a really great time!

[maybe-boys-do-love]

It's wild that the whole global trend of gay-focused happy ending romance shows and movies has only been going on for *looks at calendar* a measly ten years!

Just ten years ago. 2014. That's when you get the discovery of a market for queer romance series and films with happy endings. That year the OG Love Sick in Thailand came out. Brazil puts out The Way He Looks, which deserves so much more credit than it receives for influencing the aeshtetics of the genre. Looking premieres on HBO, and although it had low ratings, it's an important touchstone. And, despite Nickelodeon’s censorship and shifting the program from tv to its website, the Legend of Korra confirms Korrasami in its season finale.

The next year, in 2015, we get Love Sick season 2, and China, pre-censorship laws has a few options: Happy Together (not the Wong Kar Wai one lol), Mr. X and I, and Falling In Love with a Rival. Canada, premieres Schitt's Creek. In the US, Steven Universe reveals Garnet as a romantic fusion between two female characters, and will proceed to just be so sapphic. Norwegian web series Skam premieres and sets up a gay protagonist for its third season, which will drop in 2016 and entirely change the global media landscape.

Then, 2016! This is the MOMENT. That aforementioned Skam season happens. Japan puts out the film version of Ossan's Love and anime series Yuri!!! on Ice. China has the impactful Addicted Heroine, which directly leads to increased censorship. The US has Moonlight come out and take home the Oscar. In Thailand, GMMTV enters the BL game and Thai BL explodes: Puppy Honey, SOTUS, Water Boyy, Make It Right, plus, the Thai Gay OK Bangkok, which, like its influence, Looking, is more in the queer tradition but introduces two dramatically important directors to the Thai BL industry, Aof and Jojo.

By 2017, Taiwan enters the game with its History series. Korea’s BL industry actually kicks off with Method and Long Time No See. Thailand’s got too many BLs to mention. Call Me By Your Name, though not a happy ending, makes a big splash that will send ripples through the whole genre, and God's Own Country offers a gruff counter-argument to problematic age differences and twink obsessions. This is also the year of Netflix reboot of One Day At a Time bringing some wlw to the screen, and the Disney Channel has a main character come out as ‘gay’ on Andi Mack ( I’m am ready to throw fists with anyone who thinks the Disney Channel aesthetic isn’t a part of current queer culture). And I'd be remiss not to mention the influential cult-following of chaotic web-series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo: "Sometimes things that are expensive...are worse."

All this happened, and we hadn’t even gotten to Love, Simon, Elite, or ITSAY, yet.

Prior to all this there are some major precursors some of which signaled and primed a receptive market, others influenced the people who'd go on to create the QLs. Japan has a sputtering start in the 2010s with a few BL films (Takumi-Kun, Boys Love, and Jujoun Pure Heart). Most significantly in the American context, you have Glee, and its ending really makes way for the new era that can center gay young people in a world where queerness, due to easy access to digital information, is less novel to the characters. And the QL book and graphic novel landscape was way ahead of the television and film industries, directly creating many of the stories that the latter industries used.

There's plenty of the traditional queer media content (tragic melodramas and independent camp comedies) going on prior to and alongside QL, and there are some outlying queer romance films with happy endings that precede the era but feel very much akin to QL genre tropes and goals, many with a focus on postcolonial and multicultural perspectives (Saving Face, The Wedding Banquet, Big Eden, Maurice, My Beautiful Launderette, and Weekend). I don't mean to suggest that everything I’ve listed ought to be categorized as QL.

Rather, I want to point out how all of these new-era queer romance works are in a big queer global conversation together, in the creation of a new contemporary genre, a genre that has more capacity and thematic interest to include digital technology and normalize cross-cultural relationships than other genres (there's a reason fansubs and web platforms are so easily accepted and integrated to the proliferation of these series).

You're not too late to be part of the conversation. Imagine being alive in the 1960s and 70s and participating in the blossoming of the sci-fi genre. That flowering is where gay romance sits now. Join the party.

[byfulcrums]

Seeing people saying that Satoru doesn't actually care about Suguru and that the only reason Kenjaku caught him was bc he was surprised to see a person he killed alive is fucking wild, man

Like. Gojo's entire life revolves around Geto. The entire series happens because he loved Suguru too much to kill him, even though he knew he would have to do it eventually. The world literally went to shit because he wasn't over him

Geto Suguru's life would be completely unimportant to the story without Gojo Satoru, and Gojo Satoru's would be completely unimportant without Geto Suguru. They complement each other. They need each other

Two male betta fishes can't coexist. They will fight and one will die. They can't see each other — even if they're in different tanks, they won't be able to live. They'd eventually tire each other out, resulting in death. The only way for Satoru and Suguru's lives to be able to continue without the other would've been for them to never have met at all. And they can't be together. Not now, not ever again. Not while they're still alive. Not after everything that's happened

The entire story revolves around their relationship. Yuuji is a boy who ate a curse('s finger[s]), and Megumi is the prodigy who befriends him. Satoru is a prodigy, the strongest, and Suguru, the boy whose technique is eating curses, befriends him. The Jujutsu Kaisen story is all about parallels and they all connect to fucking Satosugu. It's all about them

The only reason Kenjaku's plan worked is because the body he used didn't belong to some random person Gojo killed, it worked because the body he used was Geto Suguru's, Gojo's one and only, his best friend. He must be thinking “Thank god they're gay” right now lmao

Gojo fucking hesitated. He hesitated multiple times when it came to Geto. He was supposed to kill him, yet he let him go. He has the Six Eyes, he could've easily tracked him down. He probably could tell if he was nearby (he can recognize Suguru from his scent) and just didn't go looking for him. And he could've so very easily escaped the trap that was set up for him, he was going to run away from it because we see him about to take that step but then Suguru's body shows up and says “Yo, Satoru!” with Suguru's voice and Satoru freezes and hesitates

They weren't able to let go of each other even after years of being separated (like a decade). When they meet, Suguru still greets Satoru warmly

Suguru is pretty much Satoru's moral code. He was the only person Satoru took at least mildly seriously pre-Toji (and we know Satoru just didn't do serious back then). He actually took his words to heart. He was kind, of course (especially from Suguru's PoV, since he's the person that knows him most), and not a bad person, but he wasn't nice. Suguru was always the ‘nice(r) one’, the one who actually had a moral code, while Satoru was more of an asshole to literally everyone and everything (some more, some less), thinking he and Suguru were above everyone else

When Suguru finally snaps (which, honestly. Fair) and goes genocidal (not so fair), Satoru slowly starts to be somewhat nicer and starts applying Suguru's old moral code to his own being — their roles weren't exactly reversed, but now they're not together anymore, so they might as well be. And Suguru was shown for having faith in the school and its system while it was Satoru the one who absolutely abhorred the higher-ups and all kinds of authority, but then it ended up with Suguru being the one to leave and become a cult leader with the blood of hundreds on his hands while Satoru was the one that stayed behind in the same place of the people he despises so much

(Imagine someone saying something like “Sometimes I doubt you even have a moral code” and Gojo answers with “Oh, my best friend my one and only is pretty much my moral code. He went homicidal a while back but it's okay haha” “...Actually, that explains a few things”)

Gojo doesn't have a god complex, but I wouldn't blame him if he did. I mean, he might as well be the closest thing to god human beings have ever seen. He used to put himself above everyone else, when he was a teenager. He thought that, the higher he was, the more he could do. And no one was better than him. But not Suguru. Back then, it wasn't “I'm the strongest” it was “We're the strongest and “We're the best” and “We're the ones that will beat you” and “We're the duo” and it was all about “us, us, us, us, us” instead of “me, me, me, me” like people thought it was — they were a pair. They still are

We know people thought and still think of Gojo as a weapon. As something that must be controlled, because on the moment he decides he doesn't want to be around them anymore, he could just straight up kill then without any effort (but getting rid of people in positions of power only gets other people in positions of power and it'll be a neverending story, and Gojo knows this so he's trying to do his best to fix it all through the younger generation, by letting them live). And we also know that Suguru is one of the very few people who did not believe that at all

Like their personalities and characters and stories and literally everything, their names complement each other. Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru are such similar names, I get them mixed up all the time (the amount of times I've called them “Gojo Suguru” and “Geto Satoru” is embarassing. Also, “Saturu”. “Goto”. “Gejo”. Ugh). Both of their last names start with a G, end with an O and have 4 letters. Both of their given names start with an S, end with an U and have 6 letters. They complement each other. They need each other

The only times we've seen Gojo with an expression of actual pure, raw emotion is when it's about Geto. When he finds out about what Geto did, when he realizes how thin and wrong Geto looks, when he sees him again for what we assume to be the first time in years, when he dies, when a thing wearing his corpse and using his voice greets him (“Yo, Satoru!” oh my god)

Suguru was able to fight back when in Kenjaku's control after Satoru said his name. Kenjaku himself says that had never happened before

And you don't even have to see them as romantic. You don't have to ship them if you don't want to. But you can't deny that they care about each other more than they will ever care about anyone else

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 20

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

hello hello! As promised the tattoo reveal.

I survived getting half my sleeve lined but boy am I sore. Tattoos on your hand are the absolute pits. Like no joke, hand tattoos are rough my guys. 10/10 do not recommend, but I'm doing it because it looks cute LOL.

This tattoo will be a tea themed sleeve. Featured on this half: hibiscus, chamomile, green tea leaves, raspberries + raspberry leaf, and lemons. I have another appointment in December and January to get the shading done but for now just lines!

I did not have tea with this chapter but that is okay- let's get into the notes!

I was so hung up on Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu's relationship that I totally forgot an entire war is brewing. Well. Here we go LOL

unrelated but important question- what is their ship name???

Okay we are starting the chapter strong with SQQ's gay panic LOL Re: SQQ lying to himself, the reader, and the gods about him actually meaning that he missed the light of his life LBH p241

These two!!!!! "Then why didn't you come look for this master inside the dream realm" p242

"Whenever Shizun is at Cang Qiong Mountain" Luo Binghe said quietly, "When Shizun is with other people, he always smiles so happily. So I thought you wouldn't miss me". p243 This guy is the absolute master manipulator or he just requires unlimited amounts of reassurance. Either way My HEART!

The cat and mouse game at this point is wild. Really Shen Qingqiu needs to figure his shit out because the "accidental" flirting is horse shit. p245

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 "Why does it sound like i've become your father" p246. NO THANKS. But also no wonder it feels weird as fuck- SQQ does not want to be LBH's daddy (in that way).

OOP! FINALLY. Luo Binghe is totally sus about SQQ's knowledge about the future and other things he really shouldn't know. I really hope it's revealed that he is from another world and Luo Binghe is chill with it. p248

Liu Qingge walks into any room in which SQQ was seemingly alone: p250

This is a side note but I really like Qi Qingqi, this woman is fierce as fuck. Like no nonsense I would 100% trust her with my life, death, and rebirth. I do suspect that she doesnt play a large role in the story but I wish she was present more. I do totally want to eventually read some fics with her in them because she is such a badass. p254

Dang! So the realm merging begins! I am sad though that they don't want SQQ to go, but I get it; he keeps running away or getting grievously injured. Also it's so weird that no one is really questioning how he has this much knowledge of future events, they just kind of accept it and run with it LOL (except Luo Binghe who has done the most questioning). pp256-257

Xuan Su is so fucking cool!!!!! p257

Well I am sure that LBH reputation points will increase now that he's saved Zhao Hua Monastery! p260 Thank fuck too, because I really wasn't seeing a positive end game for him and SQQ if he wasn't able to turn his reputation around.

This cheeky guy LOL "Shizun I have missed you, it's been so long" like the fool wasn't sitting in his lap the night before LOL pp261-262

SO AWKWARD LOL. LBH telling everyone who is important that he only cares for SQQ and will only do what SQQ wants him to do and will do absolutely anything for him. Meanwhile SQQ: . I DIED: "Peak Lord Shen has truly raised a good disciple. He's become our cultivation world's tremendous fortune." Though he said "raised a good disciple" the tone was no different from the way he might say "married a good husband." pp262-263

Well. I thought it was embarrassing before, but then we get hit with the "Luo Binghe nodded solemnly. "Yes." His face spread into a smile. "And Shizun is mine.". p265

I really love every conversation between SQH and SQQ. The understanding they have and the banter is so good pp266-267

LOL LBH : I am sooooo tired, let me fly with you? p268

LBH really is shameless! The public hand holding!!! Now it makes me want to read fics from LBH POV- we get SQQ this entire time, but I want to see what LBH has going on in there LOL. p269

He really was yeeted

RIP SQH. May you not die in that hole. pp270-271

[dangerous-disposition]

47. “When I picture myself happy… It’s with you.” 💕💕

YES! I'm still working on asks from THIS ask game, and I absolutely will be happy to receive more (since I'm using these prompts as exercises to write short shit without context to overcome my pathological need to write So Much Context)

[ NOW ON AO3 ]

There was something distinctly heartbreaking about playing wingman for the guy who made you believe in the entire concept of soulmates, Eddie thinks as he leans against the trunk of Steve Harrington's Beemer. It's not even that he thinks they're soulmates, but what the dude has with Robin is really convincing. And maybe Eddie is pretty sure Steve is his soulmate, even platonically, even if that thought makes his pining ass want to vomit.

He refuses to pine after a straight man for eternity, and yet...

What's stupid is that Eddie is a shit wingman, so it doesn't even make sense that Steve keeps taking him out with him to bars and shit. Half the women that wanted to even approach Steve were afraid of Eddie, and the other half were fucking mean to him which lost Steve's favour immediately which... hey, Eddie couldn't complain too much about that.

But still, that meant that Steve was striking out every single time and Eddie was feeling bad about it because he was happy about it. He got to spend a whole evening with Steve and sometimes they would spend the night together because Eddie's place was closer and Steve was too tired to drive all the way home. Eddie could pretend this was a real date, that Steve Harrington was dating him.

Jesus H. Christ, he was pathetic.

Steve sighs next to him. "Why is this so hard?" he asks, and at Eddie's questioning look, Steve elaborates, "Dating, getting laid, whatever you wanna call it?"

Eddie huffs a laugh, and shrugs. "Well, I mean, I think I've got it worse in that department, Stevie," he mutters, taking a drag of his cigarette. Steve's known about him being gay for months now, which makes it even more wild that the man still shared a bed with him and took him out to bars almost every Friday night. Tossing his cigarette onto the asphalt and stubbing it out with his boot, Eddie asks, "What are you even looking for?"

Steve pauses, staring at the ground. "Someone who makes me happy, who gets me, who wants to be with me, the real me, y'know?" he asks without even looking at Eddie, which is good because Eddie's sure the way his heart was breaking would be visible from fucking outer space.

Me, that's me, Stevie. Choose me. That's what Eddie wants to say, to shout and scream and even stomp his feet a bit because it's not fucking fair. He's all those things and more and he wanted to be that for Steve.

"Think you might be putting too high of standards too early on these poor girls, Stevie," Eddie laughs instead, grinning crookedly over at Steve and stopping short at the intense gaze being leveled back at him.

"See, that's the thing, Eds. I'm starting to think I've been looking for that in all the wrong places," Steve says seriously, shifting so he's standing in front of Eddie.

And Eddie is sure he's dreaming. He's actually fast asleep and he's going to wake up literally any second and this was all just some terrible dream thought up by his awful, gay, pining, stupid brain. Because it actually sounds like Steve, the love of Eddie's life, is about to confess something huge to him.

"What makes you say that?" Eddie croaks out before clearing his throat, glancing at Steve's lips before meeting his eyes.

"I've always had these big dreams about my life, what it'd look like if I wanted to be happy, and before I always thought of these grand things that involve a wife and a whole pack of kids," Steve says and Eddie feels his already shattered heart break even more.

Eddie manages to laugh, though, even if what he really wants is to crawl into bed and cry. "Okay, so now you're raising the bar even higher on these poor girls?" Eddie asks, shoving Steve's shoulder with his fist.

Steve isn't swayed. "You don't get it, Eds, that's not what I want anymore," he says, running his hands back through his hair. "That isn't what I imagine when I think about being happy."

"Then what do you imagine?" Eddie asks because, apparently, he's a huge fucking masochist.

"Eds... you're really going to make me say it out loud?" Steve asks, almost teasingly, and then he steps just a little bit closer.

Eddie's heart stops, once again struck by how not real this has to be. "Yeah, I'm gonna need you to say it with your outside voice, Stevie," Eddie says. "I'm not a mind reader."

Steve sighs heavily and puts his hands on his hips as he visibly considers his next words carefully. Something comes over his expression that takes Eddie's breath away, something fierce and brave and beautiful, and now the full force of it was turning on him when Steve's eyes meet his.

"When I picture myself happy," Steve starts, stepping close enough that the heat radiating off of him begins to warm Eddie's chilled skin. Steve lifts a hand to cup Eddie's jaw as he says, "It's with you, Eds."

Eddie blinks owlishly at Steve. "What?"

"I think I'm--I've been into you for months, and when you came out to me I got so hopeful, like I actually maybe stood a chance, which is obviously stupid. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're into me but still," Steve rambles a bit as Eddie tries to form a coherent thought. Steve chews on his bottom lip and asks, "Eds? What do you--is this, like, okay?"

Eddie slaps himself in the face, just hard enough to sting, and Steve jumps.

"Eddie, what the hell?" Steve asks, bewildered.

"Sorry, just checking that I'm not dreaming. Pinching wouldn't've been enough to wake me up from a dream this good," Eddie breathes, twisting his hand in the front of Steve's polo and pulling him close. "You mean that, Stevie? You want me?"

"More than I've wanted anything in my life," Steve confesses easily, and he stumbles when Eddie gently shoves him back.

"Then take me home and we can make out about it in private, yeah?" Eddie suggests, grinning as he scrambles to get into the passenger seat of the Beemer.

When Steve gets into the car, he's grinning, and Eddie leans across the center console. "One kiss for the road?" he asks, batting his lashes up at Steve.

"Absolutely," Steve agrees, and then their mouths slotted together perfectly, like they were made to be kissing each other all along.

And yeah, Eddie was really starting to believe in soulmates actually...

Thank you again for sending me this ask!!! Send me more of these fun prompts? Also, if you like my writing, please consider checking out writing blog -> @gerrystamour

[rocks-in-space]

TRUE FRIENDS

1. A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara // 2. "Ribs," Lorde // 3. "Catalog of Unabshed Gratitude," Ross Gay // 4. Unknown // 5. "Contradictions: Tracking Poems No. 28," Adrienne Rich // 6. @kit-tempo // 7. "Ribs," Lorde // 8. You Don't Have to Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism, Alida Nugent // 9. "It Will Come Back," Hozier // 10. Unknown // 11. The Snow Queen, Hans Christen Andersen // 12. A History of My Brief Body, Billy-Ray Belcourt // 13. Us Against You, Fredrik Backman // 14. "The Essence of Peopling," Sarah Perry.

The Wizard, the Witch, and the Wild One web weaves:

Eursulon Suvi Ame

[Image IDs:

Image 1: Text reading, “Wasn’t friendship its own miracle, the finding of another person who made the entire lonely world seem somehow less lonely? Wasn’t this house, this beauty, this comfort, this life a miracle?”

Image 2: Text in all caps reading, "You're the only friend I need / sharing beds like little kids / and laughing 'til our ribs get tough / but that will never be enough."

Image 3: Text reading, "I just want us to be friends now, forever. / Take this bowl of blackberries from the garden. / The sun has made them warm. / I picked them just for you."

Image 4: Text in all caps reading, "Let's go to the garden. / Let's be kids again. / I'll chase you if you / chase me."

Image 5: Text reading, "We'll dream of a longer summer / but this is the one we have: / I lay my sunburnt hand / on your table: this is the time we have."

Image 6: Text reading, "The trauma unmakes me at the end of the summertime,"

Image 7: Text reading, "This dream isn't feeling sweet / We're reeling through the midnight streets / And I've never felt more alone / It feels so scary getting old."

Image 8: Text reading, "You still crave lemonade, but the taste doesn’t satisfy you as much as it used to. You still crave summer, but sometimes you mean summer, five years ago."

Image 9: Text reading, "I've known the warmth of your doorways / through the cold, I'll find my way back to you."

Image 10: Text reading, "What now? What comes / after the tragedy? / What choice is there but to keep going, despite? / You remember the good times, I know you do. / That beautiful summer we met in. I've lost my / tenderness since then, don't you agree?"

Image 11: Text reading, "And they both sat there, grown up, yet children at heart; and it was summer, - warm, beautiful summer."

Image 12: Text reading, "To love someone is to firstly confess: I'm prepared to be devastated by you."

Image 13: Text reading, "The best friends of our childhoods are the loves of our lives, and they break our hearts in worse ways."

Image 14: Text reading, "In conclusion, drink tea, together with your friends; pay attention to the tea, and to your friends, and pay attention to your friends paying attention to the tea. Therein lies the meaning of life."

end ID.]

[iguessitsjustme]

The Boy Next World Ep 3 Thoughts

Oh look I’m watching on the day it airs. Look at me go. I am a little grumpy about a lady taking up all of the washing machines in my building right now so I might not be in the best head space to watch a MAME show. Let’s see what we got. Under the cut:

This also might be really short because I have spent all day fighting noises. I cannot even begin to tell you of my struggles.

How you gonna blast music when it’s THIS cold outside. I JUST hit play. The fuck is wrong with people? 

The prevalence of the hourglass in the opening makes me really wonder a lot of things. Did Cir go back in time and not answer Phu to save Phu thus changing both of their lives and now he’s back in present day with his memories intact? Is that what’s happening?

Also confession. I forgot it was called an hourglass so I had to google “time thing with sand” and you know what it worked.

This is the face I make all of the time when I’m skeptical of something.

Many women mad at him? Miss ma’am he is GAY.

So Cir is a robot? I’m sticking with my time traveling theory. Hear me out. During the time after Cir changed the past but before he returned to the present, his soul was gone. Or his personality or whatever. So his body and brain were entirely on autopilot. But now he’s entirely back and has his heart again. So he feels more emotions than what he would have felt on autopilot. A robot following commands indeed. Could I be wrong? Horrendously so. But I’m riding this train all the way until I’m proven wrong.

Mr. Prediction Boy is some sort of time wizard obviously. Anyway I ship him with Cir’s friend now. Ain’t no one to stop me. I’m sure I’m not the only one on this ship either.

How fortuitous that this string is juuuuuuust long enough.

Is this a MAME show? Are we sure? What’s happening here? Consent? I can hardly believe it. We’re doing it. I knew she had it in her.

Umbrella scene my beloved. I am being BLESSED by this show.

This show knows what I want to see.

This show has everything I love

I know it’s not the point but why is Phu parked like a jackass.

Phy would immediately die in a horror movie.

Okay. Episode 3 watched. Now I got a wild theory and no idea how accurate it is but I’m sticking with it. I blame the hourglass. Can’t wait for the next episode. What a surprisingly fun show. I hope there’s an umbrella in every episode.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

For One Night Only.. Maybe chapter 6 is up!

Read on Ao3 or below.

This chapter includes a song (I'll embed it in the chapter) and I definitely recommend listening to it when the time comes to really feel the moment. The song was the inspiration for the chapter itself as I had the scene in mind that it plays over in my head before the rest of the chapter.

Anyway, Enjoy!

🩶

Rating: G (for this chapter)

W/C: 4,126

Summary:

Buck and Tommy got to the charity auction and both try to keep calm in each other presence.

**********

Buck was in hell. Delicious and beautiful and torturous hell. 

Something had happened when he saw Tommy in that suit. A switch was flipped and now it was all he could think about. 

Before, though he found Tommy attractive and felt something for him that was beyond just friendship, he could push that aside for the sake of their friendship. It was the bigger picture and more important. But now, even though that was still true, seeing him look like that unleashed something hot and burning in his belly. 

He was attracted to Tommy. 

They hadn’t seen each other in well over a week due to opposing shifts and for once Buck had been grateful for that. How was he going to be able to look the man in the eye, pretend to be his boyfriend and not want to rip his clothes off?

He felt like a horny teenager all over again. And it sucked. 

Tommys name appeared on his phone and Bucks heart rate immediately went up. He considered not answering it.

“Uh, h-hey, Tommy.”

“Hey. I just wanted you to check in and make sure you’re still coming tonight? Clara is up my ass about it.” 

Buck huffed a laugh. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Good. And you better stick with me the whole night—I do not want to be left alone with any of Clara’s friends.”

“That bad?” 

“Worse. If it’s not the widows trying to flirt with me, it’s the married ones trying to set me up with their daughters.” He explained. 

“They don’t know you’re gay?” 

“Oh they know, they just think it’s because I haven’t found the right girl.” He said. 

“Oh.” He said in a disgusted tone. 

“Yeah. So, be prepared for my arm to be around you most of the night.” 

Bucks stomach swooped hard at the thought of that. All he had done for the last 10 days was imagine Tommys arm around him, and his hands on him and don’t even get him started on what he was imagining Tommy doing with his mouth. 

Part of the exhilaration he was feeling was because he’d never truly let himself fantasise about a man before. He’d never been with a man so had no frame of reference for what it would be like. This meant that all he had to rely on was his imagination. And his imagination was running wild. 

“Uh, oh-okay.”

“Is that okay?” Tommy asked sensing apprehension in Bucks voice. “If you’re not comfortable-“

“No!” He said a little more loudly than he’d intended. “I mean it’s fine. I’m-I’m okay with that. If only to stop you ending the night with a rich, elderly fiancé.”

Tommy laughed. “I don’t know—being a toy boy sounds kind of fun.” 

“Really? I always thought you’d be more of the daddy type.” 

Buck wanted to hurtle himself out of his apartment window the second that sentence left his lips. He thanked god Tommy was on the phone and could see his beet red face. 

Tommy could picture Evan’s embarrassed facial expression right about now. Probably the same one he had when after his reaction to seeing Tommy in his suit. Tommy had pretended he hadn’t noticed so as not to embarrass Evan but it was hard to miss his eyes running up and down his body followed by him swallowing, then practically running away to the bathroom. 

He couldn’t deny that it made him feel good seeing Evan react to him that way. But as good as it felt, it was also confusing. He was so sure that Evan wasn’t interested in men at all so his reaction knocked Tommy off kilter somewhat. 

As for the daddy comment.. Evan wasn’t entirely wrong. 

“Well they depends on who I’m with.” He responded and immediately covered his face with his hand not believing he’d admitted to that. “So did you manage to get the chief to agree to a ride-along?” He said in an attempt to change the subject. 

“Uh, yeah. Whoever has the best bid will get to spend a full day at the station, including lunch courtesy of Bobby and a ride-along.”

“Nice. We’re giving a tour of the station and then I’ll pilot a helicopter tour of L.A.”

“I wish I had enough to bid for that myself.” Buck said. 

“You don’t need money for that, Evan—I can take you up.” 

“Really?”

“Of course. Any time you wanna go up we can.” 

“I might take you up on that, then.” He said. 

“Do. If you bribe me sufficiently I might show you the secret place I like to fly to sometimes.”

“Oh really? What kind of bribe?” 

“Where’s the fun in telling you? I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Tommy replied. 

“Challenge accepted.” 

Tommy chuckled warmly. “I better go, I have some errands to run. I’ll come by to pick you up at 7.” 

“7 it is.” 

“See you later, Evan. We’ll see if your suit looks as good as mine.”

Tommy hung up before Buck had the chance to say anything back. And thank god because it definitely wouldn’t have been coherent. 

***

“Buck.” Josh greeted. “If you’re looking for your sister she’s not here—it’s her day off.”

“Uh, actually I-I came here to speak to you. Do you have a minute?” 

“Sure.” He gestured for Buck to follow him into the dispatch centre’s kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Thanks.”

Josh pulled out two mugs and filled them from the coffee pot. “So what can I do for you?” They sat down at the table opposite each other. 

“How do you know if a guy is into you?”

Josh opened his eye a little wider at the unexpected question. 

“Uh.. I mean there are a few ways. Why do you ask?” Buck looked across at him before looking away shyly. “Oh.” Josh said, realising. “I have to ask first—do you want them to be into you?” 

Buck waited a second before answering. “Uh, yeah. I do.” 

“Okay. And before we get into this, just so we’re on the same page here—does Maddie know?”

“Not really. I think she suspects, but I’ve not said anything specific.” He answered. Even if Maddie hadn’t given him that speech after Christmas about accepting who he was, he knew that she would have no problem with him liking a man. But still, she’d likely have questions and he wanted to answer his own questions before anybody else’s. 

“Well, I won’t say anything, if you’re worried.” 

“Thanks.” Buck smiled. 

“So, back to your question. Honestly, it depends on the guy. Some are unabashed and obvious and will straight up tell you they want you. Others, are a little more circumspect—it’s in the non verbal way they conduct themselves around you. Finding ways to touch you like brushing against your arm or removing a piece of lint from your clothing, stuff like that. Does this guy of yours do that?”

“Well, yeah, but..” 

“But what?”

“It's complicated." Buck said.

"It always is. Come on.. spill."

"We’re in a fake relationship.” 

Josh closed his eyes for a second “Okay you’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

Buck preceded to tell him about Clara and why he and Tommy were pretending to be together. 

“Okay, so what makes you think he might be into you for real?” Josh asked. 

“Some of things he says to me are when we’re alone and there’s no need to put on an act. And-and sometimes the way he looks at me.. it’s like he’s looking at me, ya know?” He sipped his coffee and sat back in his chair. “With women I know what I’m doing—I can spot their signals a mile away but with a guy..”

“You feel out of your depth.” 

“Yeah.” He said with a sigh. 

“Well, I’ve never met the guy so I can really tell you if he likes you or not. But—and though I would never take this advice myself because I’m more the suffer in silence type—your best bet is to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” 

“What if I’m wrong?”

“What if you’re right?” Josh countered. “Look, in our line of work we see everyday just how short life is. Be brave. You might just get what you want.”

Buck nodded contemplating Josh’s words. Deep down he knew that talking to Tommy was the adult thing to do but his fear of rejection ran deep. 

“By the way, do you have a picture of this guy?” Buck raised an eyebrow at him. “What? I’m curious!” 

Buck laughed and scrolled his camera roll to find a pic. He showed him one he’d taken on Christmas Day of Tommy in his “kiss the cook” apron and Santa hat that Buck had forced him to wear. 

“Okay, if you don’t talk to him, i will because good lord he is gorgeous!” 

Buck laughed. “Yeah, he’s-he’s something.” 

“Listen, I got to get back to work, but.. talk to him. At the very least you’ll know where you stand and that’s always a good thing.” 

***

Tommys last errand of the day was to stop by harbour station to pick up the envelope with auction donation details inside. 

“Kinard, what are you doing here?” Melton called across the hangar. 

“Picking up the donation for the auction.” 

“Ah. I think Donato has that upstairs. How’s your aunt doing by the way?” He asked. 

“She’s doing well. Had her 1 month post surgery check up yesterday and the doc is happy with her recovery so far.” 

Clara had actually taken Tommys words on board and did take it easy for a couple of weeks. She did of course complain the entire time but Tommy could handle that so long as she was behaving.

“That’s good to hear. You should definitely bring her by again sometime.” He suggested. 

“And have her embarrass me again? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll see you later, Melton.” He yelled over his shoulder as he walked through the door at the back of the hangar and up to the Harbor rec room. 

“Kinard!”

“Donato!” Tommy mimicked Lucy’s tone. She flipped him her middle finger. 

“You hear for the auction thingy?” She got up from the table and retrieved the envelope from one of the drawers in the kitchen.

“Thanks.” He said taking it. 

“How’s my favourite relative of yours doing?”

Tommy scoffed. “She my only relative and she’s doing good. Check up yesterday went well.” 

“Good. I love her.” 

“Only because she showed you those photographs of me as a kid.” Tommy reminded her. 

“Who knew little Tommy Kinard in a sailor suit would be so adorable.” She accentuated her point by pinching his cheek. 

“Get off.” He gently pushed her hand away. 

Lucy laughed. “So, you got a date for this shindig?”

“You trying to wrangle yourself a date? You know I don’t swing that way, Donato.”

“Ew, no!” She waved her hand. 

“I’m sorry—ew?” 

“What can I say—you don’t do it for me, sorry.” She explained. “And even if you did I wouldn’t be caught dead at one of those things.”

“It’s for charity.” Tommy reminded her. 

“I know. I’m charitable already—I donate to a bunch of different causes. I just don’t need to sit in a room full of rich people playing my yacht is bigger than your yacht to prove it.”

“Trust me I’d rather not have to wear a monkey suit and go either but I promised my aunt I would.” 

“You never answered my question—who are you taking with you?” 

“Evan.” He said simply. 

“Buckley?” She said in surprise.

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” She said knowingly. 

“What?”

“I just wouldn’t put you together as friends.” She said. 

“Why not?” 

“He’s a yapping golden retriever with a heart the size of Texas and abandonment issues the size of Mars, and you’re a stubborn and brooding pain in the ass.”

“Hey!” He protested. “I am not brooding!”

Lucy simply stared at him. 

“Yeah well.. you’re a closeted bisexual, with a chip on her shoulder, who’s practically in love with Nina from the coffee shop next door but is too afraid to ask her out.” Tommy smiled smugly. 

“I hope you shit yourself at this thing.” She said walking away. 

“I hope Nina poisons your coffee.” He threw back with a laugh. 

***

Buck looked over his outfit in his mirror. He’d opted for black pants and shirt, with a dark red velvet jacket with black lapel. He’d styled up his curls a little with product and if it matched Tommys curls then it was purely a coincidence. 

Despite his developing feelings for Tommy over the last 5 months he’d never felt the need to look good specifically for him. He’d always had a healthy confidence in his looks. But that was when he was dating, or wanting to date, women. 

It was entirely different when the man you’re crushing on looks like he came out of the cover of Men’s Health magazine. Or Lumberjack Monthly. He didn’t exactly feel inferior, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t compared himself to Tommy once or twice. 

A knock on his door sent his heart into his throat. 

This is ridiculous. You’ve been totally relaxed with Tommy for months. Just because you want his tongue in your mouth now doesn’t mean things can’t be just as normal with him.

A second knock on the door took him out of his personal pep talk. He brushed down his jacket with his hands one more time and opened the door. 

“Hey, Evan. You ready to-“ Tommys words caught in his throat at the sight of Evan in front of him. The dark red jacket was a perfect fit and those curls were doing something to him he wasn’t expecting. 

He looked unbelievably fucking gorgeous and Tommy was unbelievably in fucking trouble. 

He coughed. “The, uh.. the uber is waiting for us.” 

“I’m ready.” Buck said, grabbing his phone, wallet and keys.

***

The auction was held at a fancy hotel just outside the city limits. Their uber drove slowly up the long gravel driveway and around to the other side of the large fountain sat opposite the entrance. They got out of the car and began walking up the pristine red carpet. 

“Wow this really is fancy. Maybe I should have worn a tie.” Buck mused. 

“You look great as you are.” Tommy slid his hand into Bucks as they got closer to the doors. Buck had to concentrate really hard to keep the flush from spreading across his face. They walked inside to be met by a tall, thin man with an awful combover standing behind a large wooden podium. 

“Your names, Sirs?”

“Thomas Kinard and Evan Buckley.” Tommy answered. The man typed the names into the computer hidden behind the podium and hummed in satisfaction when he found their names. 

“Yes, I have found you both. It says here that you both have items to be donated to the auction.” He said with no movement in his facial expression. 

“Uh, we do. Yeah.” Buck replied and they both pulled out the envelopes and handed them to the man. 

“Thank you, Sirs. The auction is to be held in the Rose Ballroom.” He gestured in the direct of the ballroom. “Have a good evening, Sirs.” 

“Thank you.” Tommy replied. They walked through the door into a large ballroom with high ceilings and crystal chandeliers hanging down. A couple of dozen white clothed tables took over most of the room, each decorated with a large crystal vase full of various species of roses. 

They scanned the crowd of fancy suits and dresses for Clara and eventually spotted her leaning in and giggling with a man closer to Bucks age. 

“You can’t take this woman anywhere.” Tommy complained and Buck laughed. They made their way over to her and Tommy coughed to get her attention. 

“Tommy, darling!” She greeted him with a hug and kiss to the cheek. “Buck.” She said with a smile greeting him the same way. “Don’t you boys look so handsome!” She cooed. “I want to introduce you to my friend. This is David.” She gestured to the tall, slim blonde in a navy blue suit.” David this is my nephew Tommy and his boyfriend Buck.”

Tommy reached forward to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He said. David smirked as he shook Tommys hand staring him straight in the eyes. 

“Wonderful to meet you.” David replied smoothly. 

Buck reached to shake his hand too “Good to meet you.” David lightly shook his hand, barely looking at him before his attention went back to Tommy. 

“And what is it you do? Something physical I’m sure looking at you.” David asked, his eyes gazing over Tommys body. 

Buck felt a prickle of annoyance. Did he not hear Clara say that he was his boyfriend? He stepped closer to Tommy putting his arm around his waist from behind. “He’s a firefighter pilot.” He smiled proudly looking at Tommy before back at David. 

“Oh really?” David said, clearly impressed. “I’d love to hear more about that.” He smirked again. 

Was Buck invisible?! That prickling annoyance began to morph into a low level anger. Flirting with a guy when his boyfriend was right there?! 

“Maybe we should get something to drink, babe.” Buck suggested to Tommy, leaning into him a little more. He’d never used a pet name with Tommy before. Tommy had called him babe once and it made his stomach flutter. Tommy looked at him for a second, keeping Bucks eyes as a soft smile came across his mouth. 

“Of course, babe.” He winked and Buck almost collapsed. 

Tommy walked them away towards the bar and Buck couldn’t help looking back over his shoulder to throw a condemning look at David. It was entirely childish on his part and he knew it. 

***

The auction was in full swing. Then of thousands of dollars had been raised so far. All manner of things had been auctioned off so far including a day at the San Diego zoo including feeding some of the animals, a signed Taylor swift album, and a behind the scenes tour of the tv show Hotshots by their star actor Brad Torrance. 

“I think ours are last up.” Buck said reading at the brochure in hands. 

“I hope they go for a good amount.” Tommy said.

“I’m sure they will.”

Tommy looked at Buck for a moment before a devious look came across his face. 

“What?” Buck asked. 

“Wanna make this interesting?” He said leaning in closer. Buck could smell the spiced cologne that Tommy was wearing and his stomach swooped deeply enough that he briefly considered if he was going to vomit. “Whoever’s donation raises the least amount has to buy the other dinner.” 

Buck smiled. “You’re on. And just so you know I’m going to pick a really expensive place.” 

“Oh he’s so confident he’s gonna win, huh?” Tommy laid casually against the back of his chair, beer glass in hand. “Mine is a helicopter tour of L.A. Beats getting stuck on the 710 in traffic in an engine.” 

“Half the people in this room own their own helicopters—seeing us put out a real fire is far more exciting.” Buck retorted gleefully as he sat back himself. 

“Is that so?” Tommy said with a smirk and tilting his head. 

“It is so.” Buck smirked back. 

They both kept eye contact for a few seconds before the auctioneer began the bids for the engine ride along which got their attention. There was quite a lot of interest and it came down to two people. In the end, it was one of Clara’s friends that won the bid at $27,500—a gift for her firefighter obsessed grandson. 

Tommys helicopter ride was up next and his too got a lot of attention. 

“Sold for $26,250 to the gentleman at the back!”

“Yes!” Buck grinned. Tommy would be annoyed had it not been for the look of pure happiness on Evan’s face. 

With the auction now finished, the lights dimmed and music began playing louder. A few couples took to the floor to dance as staff began removing the auctioneers podium. 

“I guess I owe you a date, then.” Tommy leaned in and whispered over the music. He was testing the waters with that one. He wanted to see Evan’s reaction to the word “date.” It was a risk, Tommy knew that, and he knew it would probably be easier if he just asked Evan out but the thought of Evan just bluntly rejecting him was terrifying. This way he could say it was for their fake relationship if Evan questioned it. Was it childish and ridiculous? Absolutely. But it made sense to him at the time. 

Bucks grin faded into a softer smile as he looked at Tommy. 

“There you are. I can’t wait for my ride.” David’s voice interrupted. Buck willed his eyes to shoot lasers at the man and was disappointed when the man didn’t burst into flame. 

“Oh. You won the bid?” Tommy asked. 

“Of course I did.” David replied smugly. “Let me buy you a drink and we can discuss the details. 

“Actually.” Buck said loudly without thinking. “Tommy promised me a dance, so..” He looked at Tommy hoping he would go along. 

Tommy was admittedly a little amused by the annoyed look on Evan’s face. His pout was adorable. And definitely not something he could say no to. 

“I did.” He shrugged his shoulders and took Bucks hand, letting him lead him to the dance floor. 

[PLAY ME NOW]

‘Cry To Me’ by Solomon Burke began to play as Tommy took Bucks waist in his hands and Buck put his arms over Tommys shoulders. Their heads were side by side a few inches apart as they gently swayed. 

“I never knew you were the jealous type.” Tommy said into Bucks ear. 

“I-I’m not.” He argued. Buck felt Tommys shoulders twitch as he let out a laugh. “He-he was just- who flirts with someone when their boyfriend is right there?! It’s just rude.” 

“It is.” Tommy agreed as they continued moving gently with the music. “It was kinda cute though.” 

“What was?”

“Your jealousy.” 

“I-“ Buck gave up denying it and sighed. Tommy smiled to himself and wrapped his arms further around Bucks waist pulling them closer together. Bucks breath stopped for a second before he pulled himself together somewhat to move one arm down a little and it settled around Tommys upper arm; his hand on Tommys back. His other arm lowered so his hand was holding Tommys shoulder. 

Tommy reached up and took the hand on his shoulder and held it against his chest. The slight shift in position had their faces cheek to cheek as they kept swaying. 

Unbeknownst to each other they’d both closed their eyes. Both of them relishing the unexpected intimate moment. 

Tommys heart was beating so hard in his chest he was concerned it might start poking through his chest wall like a cartoon character in love. He’d thought about holding Evan like this quite a few times. He’d thought about doing a lot with Evan, mostly involving little to no clothing but he couldn’t think about that now with their groins so close together and being in a public place. 

“If I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?” He whispered into Bucks ear. 

Buck felt the movement of Tommys lips against his ear and had to concentrate on keeping his breathing steady. “Yeah.”

“Were you really jealous?” 

Buck waited a few seconds before answering honestly. “Yes.” He whispered back into Tommy’s ear. 

Tommy pulled his head back a few inches to look at Evan. Their faces were inches apart. Buck was stuck in Tommy’s gaze and couldn’t move away from it. He could feel Tommy’s warm and gentle breath against his lips. Despite his attempts, his breathing quickened. He broke the spell of Tommy’s eyes for half a second by looking down at his lips. He involuntarily swallowed and looked back up to see Tommy looking down at his too. 

As though the other held a magnet they both slowly began moving their faces closer. Each not being able to look away from the other’s lips. The hand holding Bucks to Tommys chest squeezed gently as both of their eyes fluttered shut. 

Their mouths were millimetres apart and so, so close to making contact. Tommy was finally going to know what Evan’s plump lips felt like.

The hotel fire alarms began screaming above their heads and around them. They pulled apart looking at each other for half a second before turning and noticing smoke coming from under one of the doors at the side of the room.

[freddiemerqwerty]

It took over two years, but I finally finished watching the entirety of Supernatural. I took a week to process some thoughts before foisting them upon Tumblrland, so here we go!

I did not expect to like it. Specifically the ending.

The original reason this Supernatural rewatch began was to see Castiel's confession in context. I wanted to see what drove Tumblr's primary form of newscasting, what got the Supernatural fandom back from the depths of superhell, and thrust the bury your gays queerbaiting discussion to the forefront of every YouTube video essay—and to potentially seek justice for my first ever gay ship, good ol' Destiel. It is for this reason that I wholeheartly did not expect leave 15 seasons of this fucking show feeling content.

This was a hard task. I wanted to stop so badly. I don't think I could tell you a single season I liked the plot of. HOWEVER, it did teach a valuable lesson: if you're looking for good representation in Supernatural, you're looking in the wrong place. This applies to even to show's representations of itself.

Supernatural should have ended 11 seasons before it did, and yet, much like nearly every character in the show, it just keeps on coming. Season 12 nearly did me in, but oh? Season 13-15? It was worth it to get to the seasons where the target demographic was literally anyone who would watch the show. The main plot? Nope. The filler? Yes. I loved so many episodes from these seasons! Scoobynatural, Advanced Thanatology, Tombstone, The Scorpion and the Frog, Various & Sundry Villains, Optimism, Peace of Mind, Atomic Monsters, Golden Time, Last Call, The Heroes' Journey, The Gamblers, Last Holiday.

Cass's confession made me absolutely bawl my eyes out for the remaining episodes of Supernatural (I was a blubbering little ball, throwing in a good few mutterings about Our Flag Means Death along the way) However, in the end, it just felt right that it should end this way. Not in terms of good queer representation, not in terms of my love of Destiel, but this is what the characters each needed.

Death means nothing on Supernatural because of the ways characters need each other to keep going. Cass telling Dean how he feels means he can let go. Dean getting permission from Sam to stop fighting death means he can let go. Sam living out a full life away from hunting means he can let go. All the characters have what they need so we as an audience can let go.

As much as I will still very much struggle to sit through the main plot points of Supernatural, the characters will always have a place in my heart. They just couldn't die, couldn't fully fit the original format of the show, and just kept finding family (and trauma) in literally everything. I'm glad they're resting well.

I final note I absolutely had to include: DEAN IS SO BISEXUAL THE ENTIRE SHOW! I somehow thought "oh maybe we've been exaggerating this". No, no. I—I... I have problems now. Problems that can only be resolved with getting back into the Supernatural fandom.

Thank you for a wild ride Supernatural. Destiel forever

[ren-rambles-often]

I finally watched Code Geass but before I get to my short rant about the show and the ship you can pretty much guess this is about…. Let me just say….

This show peaked at the pseudo incest brocon subplot, I'm taking no arguments!

Fine, fine, that's definitely not entirely true but Rolo's death had me pausing the show and staring at the screen like for what reason?! Let the boy be hopelessly obsessed goddammit 😭😭😭

Now I've gotten that out of my system…

Guess who's the character I hate most?

shocker I know/sarc

I haven't hated one half of my otp ship in a piece of media this much since that one Episode Nagi panel of Reo's heart getting destroyed by Nagi's dumbass (Reo my love love I'd treat you so much better)

Suzaku's case is worse by several degrees because his idiocy and attitude only continued to stoke the flames of my annoyance for the whole two fucking seasons until like the three or two episodes at the end cause oh my fucking God I cried.

(That shit was a wild ride enough nothing is making me watch any spin offs or side stories I care that little)

From the first moment he entered that Lancelot suit and agreed to help the side that attempted to silence him by murder, I clocked his ass and marked him as the dumbest bitch to ever exist but we love a protective loyal dog Top don't we ladies?

"I want to change the system from the inside-" bitch shut up these are colonizers you ain't changing nothing 😭

Even after they they tried pining the murder on him to sentence him to death AGAIN!! BOY WENT BACK.

AND!

He refused Zero?!

HUH?!?

Now I'm not a particularly patriotic person (I hate my county so so much) but if we got neo colonized, No matter what merits I would never be friendly or cooperative with the other side.

Suzaku stopped his country fighting back (valid reason or not I don't remember, he killed his dad and that meant surrender ig) and proceeded to kiss up to brits, fall in love with one of them, and further hinder every attempt of his own people fighting back because 'Violence wrong' but it's okay when he does it because some made up ideal told him being subservient would make a change. And it did….just for him tho, all other 11s? no one cares.

And it didn't even matter because Lulu's methods were always the ones that brought things closer!

I know it's a kind of a commentary on something, I ain't stupid but I was still pissed.

Literally had me gritting my teeth almost every time he stepped on screen, especially when he went pseudo emo after becoming a knight of round or whatever.

Bottom line, he frustrated me as much as he did Lelouch but I still wanted to see them FUCK.

The last couple of episodes where genuinely the best things I've ever watched and a brilliant end to the series. I wouldn't say I grew to enjoy all the characters but God did the plot threads keep me going.

Trust I understood very little about the gate shit and the killing God aspect but when you're having a fun time everything just looks good.

To sum up SuzaLulu…

Giving me friends to enemies to lovers (correct me not I won't hear you) All mixed together with the palpable hatred and vitriol they held toward each other is just too much.

And Lelouch as a bottom is literally my type >.< psycho, pretty, and bad at sports (also having a natural inclination to dominate others)??? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!!!

His dramatic ass had me gripped and his personality contrasted so beautifully with Suzaku's dumbass that while I did want to be sad about that redhead he might have liked dying….girl bye 👋 make way for the gay 🏳️‍🌈

(Srsly tho, I was sad for a sec, it was a very shocking scene to say the least but Rolo pulled such a Brocon move I was laughing for a solid minute.)

I very much didn't want to be like most other yaoi shippers that watched this shit when they were ten and went for the very obvious but still delicious low hanging fruit yaoi but I see enemies to lovers mixed with tragic yaoi and an undeniably fun story and brain stops functioning lmaooo. Turns out I'm very much like other fujins ;p

Closing thoughts: Umm…If you're going to defend Suzaku in the replies…go for it I'm down to listen but he'll forever be my bitch. I love Lelouch but Light is better, Orange x Lelouch is underratedand C.C. and Kallen should have gotten married.

[versegm]

If you read indie books play indie games listen to indie musik or generally appreciate any form of art by lesser-known people my challenge for you is to comment on this post with at least one recommendation for a work you wish was better-known. The more obscure it is the better.

For now here are some of mine:

Love Letter - 18+ Trans-Gay Zine. It's all in the title, a short zine on being a trans dude who loves other dudes.

Inuit Uppirijatuqangit - ᐃᓄᐃᑦ ᐅᑉᐱᕆᔭᑐᖃᖏᑦ. "A hidden object game in which users explore 4 unique areas in and around an Inuit community." Short game to learn native myths & sayings.

Longsummer Night, an anthology of monster romances. It's got like fifteen stories there's got to be SOMETHING you'll like in here (personally I would have paid full price for "Labris" alone this shit blew my tits off)

Player Two is Unprepared, a one-page satyrical RPG making fun of ya boy Ready Player One. It's fucking hilarious I was giggling the entire time I read this.

The Unicorn's Beard, a short story about a doctor being hired to take care of the queen's unicorn.

Pine Sap, a poetry collection. "That's just the heart talking, you can never trust those. pick a more stable organ to listen to, like the spleen, or the gallbladder” lives rent-free in my head.

A Strip of Velvet, a 18+ monster romance featuring hunters and old gods.

Fire and Wolf, the book I won't shut the fuck up about, YA sci-fi/fantasy about kids accidentally pulling an NPC out of a VR videogame.

Btw if yourself dabble in creative endeavors you can self promote on this post too go wild.

[aurorawest]

I finished The Mars House last night and have been trying to gather my thoughts beyond ADJFAWEHDHA; and AHHHHHHHH. Let's see how this works out.

In a lot of ways this is a pretty typical Natasha Pulley book, which makes you love complicated people who have done bad things, possibly for good reasons and possibly not. The love interest is to all appearances a xenophobic nationalist, but you better believe I loved Gale pretty much immediately.

In other ways this book is different from her past work—obviously there's the far future setting, but it's pretty clear that Pulley wanted to Say Something about gender with The Mars House. This book is a response to and shots fired at the terf ideology and it is not at all subtle about it. And of course, it's a Natasha Pulley book, so there's still empathy for the far-future Martian terfs.

So I would definitely call it the most...political? of her books, which for me was not at all a bad thing. It has everything that I love about Pulley novels—her gorgeous use of language, her ability to wring beauty and pathos out of the small and ordinary, the gay pining, the morally dubious main characters. I've seen reviews say both that the science is ridiculous and that the book is hard science fiction, and I would come down on the side of the science probably being a bit ridiculous, since it's definitely not hard science fiction (lol at the reviewers who are throwing that term around and not knowing what it means). I actually have no idea if the science is plausible or not and I honestly don't care, because that's really not the point of the book.

Anyway, now I'm just going to list things. Doing a read more for spoilers! And I'm not joking, I'm going to spoil the whole book under here so really, if you haven't read it and you care about that, don't keep reading.

The worldbuilding was so good. I mean, this is one of Pulley's strengths, but I had wondered how it would stack up in a sci fi novel versus her historical fiction. As usual, everything was so visceral and textured. Tharsis and Songshu feel like real places I could visit.

THE MAMMOTHS OMG OMG. When they decided to ask the mammoths for help pulling up the gravity train, I almost jumped up from the couch yelling (I would have, but I couldn't disturb my cat who was on my legs). The entire idea of communicating with mammoths and studying mammoth society almost made me cry. Having spent even a tiny amount of time around elephants in the wild, all of that rang 100% plausible. And true in my heart.

I need a sequel where River and January go to Alpha Centauri to talk to the aliens that the Penglai mission is going to find there.

I'M ABOUT TO SPOIL THE ENTIRE BOOK SO DON'T READ ANYMORE IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

Speaking of River, yeah I guessed that "Aubrey" was actually River. The clues were well done and I felt smug when I was right.

But!! I actually thought River knew more than they did! A literal chill went up my back when River revealed they had NO IDEA AUBREY WAS LITERALLY IN THEIR ROOM WITH THEM.

The scene in River's bathtub had me screaming crying throwing up.

Is Natasha Pulley working through something re: waifish orphans? I knew Yuan was going to end up being adopted into House Song within pages of their (his?) introduction.

I love that we never find out if River is biologically male or female. I love that January says it doesn't matter and he means that and never tells us.

Speaking of gender abolition, can I have that please for myself.

All of the animals were, as always, a delight. Shoutout to the puffin at the beginning who we never see again, as well as Shuppiluliuma in her basket.

The ancient Mediterranean references littered through this book (see above) were also a delight.

When you think about it, both of Aubrey's consorts fell for River, and that's funny.

The flashes of love between River and Aubrey were devastating.

The haptic implants are a dystopian nightmare and absolutely a realistic prediction of where we're going to end up.

Mori and Daughter!!

[someone-took-lost]

you thought i forgot about the main six? ohohoho good friendo, no i did not! next on the listerino was pinkcheese, and here are my big guys. shabam! i present thee~

as per disclaimer, my only keepers of these guys are rosè and arcadian wild. and the other two will be up for adoption in the next day or two or sooner!

rosè gold [she/they|nonbinary bisexual|oldest]

a fashion icon from a young age, rosè is the entrepreneur within her own home. while she retained her mother’s spunk, and father’s ambition- she didn’t seem to have that overly signature overly-excitable trait that one would assume she’d have. instead, became this quiet, calm, cunning pony. with a pension for trouble wherever she went, though one can attribute that to her parents always being so indulgent in her sparkling ideas. she dreams of being a fashion icon one day, and works closely along side her best friend, millennium. and with some elbow grease , she’ll find herself right on that fashion stage one day!

arcadian wild [he/him|pansexual|youngest]

the mellow arcadian , despite the wild part, he is a very relaxed guy. he took up his mother’s laid back attitude and seemed to take it to eleven, as he can often be found playing his ukulele out by the shore or propped against a pine tree. he’s a bit of an airhead, but he’s got a heart of gold that shines brightest when he’s embracing what nature’s got to offer. oftentimes, ponies will find the stallion in one city after seeing him in another, due to his habit of wandering quite far afield during his walks. that quickly turn into hikes after some idle thinking.

“hammy” sandwich [he/him|gay|youngest]

wild and a little bit reckless, this little guy is the peppy, little brother, who just keeps managing to get himself into every kind of trouble. he’s a little short sighted, but means well as he doves headfirst into every sort of problem with a determination that just doesn’t quit! he loves everyone around him with a passion, and will prove it in any way he can! even if he’s not the brightest, he will always find a way to work things out. no matter if he’s a little confused, and not entirely sure what the issue is- hammy is here to help!

cherry marzipan [she/her|lesbian|youngest]

stressed? who’s stressed!? not cherry! cherry is completely fine. all of the time. always. she is always in control, and in perfect harmony with herself. she is fine. even though the sugarcube corner is starting to get overly stocked with orders, and the cupcake recipe she promised to have ready isn’t, in fact, ready at all! she is not stressed at all! cherry takes a lot on her plate, and especially the reputation of being her mother’s daughter. and that has a tendency to stress her out a bit, with wanting to do her best. and make sure her mom’s standing is still good,,, she will not ruin it, ever. because she is also going to be an element of laughter one day, and no way, no how, is she going to let any of that go to waste! even if she’s so busy. she is going to do well! after a nice long power nap-

[emeraldskulblaka]

Emerald's Theatre Favourites - 2024

I got to see many wonderful stage productions this year (not least because I was a theatre festival jury member), but I've managed to narrow it down to five musicals and plays each, with a couple of honourable mentions.

Musicals

1. Standing at the Sky's Edge, West End

I went in knowing nothing about it and was blown away. The three stories were interwoven so beautifully and elegantly. The music is captivating, and don't get me started on Poppy and Nikki! My loves. This show took a while to really sink in, but I'm so very glad that I went to see it even though it meant skipping Les Mis and going without my friends.

2. Cabaret, Stadttheater Ingolstadt

To be honest, I never understood the appeal of Cabaret until I saw this production. Chilling, thrilling, haunting. Everything just fit. The Emcee was split in two, and I was sceptical at first, but it worked exceedingly well. Olivia Wendt as Sally deserves a special mention; her vocals were out of this world, and she very deservedly got an audience award for this role.

3. Les Misérables, Gärtnerplatztheater Munich

Les Mis, so close to home? A dream come true! But I hadn't expected the demand for tickets to be as high as it was, and if not for @fitzrove, I wouldn't have been able to see it at all! Thank you <3 a non-replica production with a phenomenal cast and a score that was played without rushing through it needlessly. Excellent use of setpieces.

4. Mamma Mia!, International Tour (Munich)

A very spontaneous decision, this one. Didn't even realise it would be in English at first, but I was absolutely thrilled when I found out (other audience members weren't. Obviously it wasn't communicated properly). The playback was a bit of a letdown, but it was so enjoyable otherwise that it still made the list. Shout-out to Jennifer Adab's lower register. This was my first time seeing principals for all three dads, which was great bc one wasn't noticeably younger than the others.

5. Hadestown, West End

It's no secret that I'm more of a casual Hafestown enjoyer, but I got to see the show with @caenith @maellor @curiouselleth @quixoticanarchy and Exlibris, which made it the most memorable experience of this trip <3 (despite me forgetting my phone and panicking about it, and Orpheus' actor being audibly sick, poor guy) impeccable vibes, a great show.

Plays

1. This Restless House, Stadttheater Ingolstadt

An adaptation of Aeschylus' Oresteia, with the first two parts being played traditionally and the third one modernised. Stand-out performances by the entire cast despite injuries (one even live on stage) and illness. The choir at the beginning was particularly impressive. A long evening, but one well spent.

2. Twelfth Night, Landestheater Coburg

To be honest, I don't have that much to say about this one. Veebs. Great fun. I'm glad I finally got to see this Tumblr favourite.

3. Bromance, Theater Schloss Maßbach

It's absolutely amazing what three actors, three white sheets, two overhead projectors and one sound engineer can do. I desperately wish the small theatre hadn't been half empty. They're gay, your honour.

4. Draußen vor der Tür, Theater Regensburg

This was depressing af, obviously. But the set design was very intelligent and the production quality overall on a level many regional theatres can only dream of. Well done, Regensburg, you made me sincerely enjoy Wolfgang Borchert.

5. Der Hobbit, Figurentheater Wilde & Vogel (Straubing)

This would have been higher up if I hadn't already seen it in December 2023, but I can't not mention it here. It's played with so much love for the story, so much heart. An adaptation both children and adults will enjoy. And not just because of the glittery Rivendell elves, I promise!

Favourite Theatrical Moments

Disney in Concert is always a treat! I got to see this year's tour "Believe in Magic" in Munich, and missed the encore because of #trainpanic. RIP.

Ilya Zhigarev as Orpheus in a concert version of the Orpheus rock opera. A revelation. A dreamcast come true.

The recording of Much Ado About Nothing, Globe Theatre, 2011. I laughed, I cried, I had the best time imaginable. 11/10 would recommend.

What were your favourites this year? ✨️

[sachermorte]

Ok, so then who did you actually name yourself after? Or was it the vibe that drew you in?

i've gotten two anons about this since I last checked my phone so this is the real story.

it was the third week of september in 2019 and I had just launched myself out of the united states after living there my entire life and getting my bachelor's in linguistics summa cum laude. I knew if I stayed there any longer I was going to die, and I'd had this supernatural surety that I was going to live a full life in vienna since I was nine years old at the oldest, so against the vehement objections of family I had accepted a teaching assistantship position jointly facilitated by the BMBWF and Fulbright Austria. before I began my misadventures, of which there have been many incredibly crazy bullshit stories you would never believe in a million years, I had to attend a week-long sleepaway orientation in a tourist town in Salzburg called Zell am See, where I would meet the other TAs (including someone who remains like a brother to me to this very day), learn what was expected of me, and drink quite literally and without exaggeration for every waking moment.

believe me when I say that this was fucking wild. we had classes in the morning to teach us how to do our jobs but we were pouring full bottles of vodka and gin in our water bottles and taking it to class with us. one of the hotel receptionists started supplying us with weed and pills. people were hooking up left right and center. I ended up at one point being dragged away without any greetings or explanation to make out with a lovely but very drunk british girl named holly in another room. believe me when I said that not a single one of us drew a solitary sober breath for the entire seven days straight.

so because they wanted us to acclimate culturally (which is unneeded because I've always been a dramatic, cranky, whiny, pessimistic, ambiguously gay complainer genau nach wiener art), one night they brought in a trio of dance teachers to teach us some traditional folk dancing. so we, being generally hospitable and gregarious taken as a whole, decided to invite these three to party with us that night.

we.

got.

HAMMERED.

this is the drunkest I've ever been without having to go to the hospital. and as the night proceeded it became exceedingly clear that one of the dance instructors could not hold his liquor, and what's more, had been going through some stuff as of late.

cut to the end of the night. the man who is now like a brother to me had given the dude, out of the kindness of his heart, nearly a full bottle of 7€ hofer brand gin, which he drank without a mixer in nearly one go. shortly after, this man had punched through not one, but two windows. the police had been called, and a friend of mine had managed to grab his phone and literally call his mother. someone else was guarding him to make sure he didn't break anything else, while he kept shouting "MIR IST SCHEIẞEGAL, MIR IST SCHEIẞEGAL" to anything and everything that was said to him.

this event lodged itself solidly in my short term, long term, and everyday working memory. I thought about this three or four times a week at bare minimum. not only because I considered it rather embarrassing and distasteful, but because I thought if you were going to be a good for nothing dipsomaniac (as I considered myself to be as well, even then), there were far more stylish ways to go about it.

when my egg shattered during quarantine his name was the one that wouldn't leave my head. when I went public with my transition, I received several messages from friends who had witnessed the event in question, going "did you really name yourself after That Fucking Guy. why"

to which of course I responded "mir ist scheißegal"

[roguerevieweradl]

Heathers Review (Pelican Productions) - 12/09/2024

Stepping into Heathers, I knew we were in for a wild ride, but I wasn’t prepared for the sheer power and presence of this cast. 

Tayla Prime as Heather Chandler was an absolute force of nature. She dominated the stage with so much authority that I found myself genuinely intimidated from the audience! I wouldn’t dare cross her Chandler—if I were in Westerberg High, I’d be running for the hills. It was a performance that oozed confidence and power, embodying the iconic ‘mythic b****’ perfectly.

Teagan Garvey as JD had some great moments, especially in the beginning where he played up JD’s charm to a T. His descent into madness was compelling, with Garvey really showcasing the complexity of the role. There were a few moments where his vocals fell a little flat, but overall, he was stellar and brought a lot to the table.

Then there’s Samantha Keough as Veronica—wow. I have never been so in awe of a voice. She didn’t just deliver; she owned the character, adding her unique vocal flair rather than just doing a by-the-numbers version of Veronica. I’d go so far as to say she’s one of the best Veronicas I’ve seen in Adelaide!

Caitlin Laventure as Heather Duke was a standout for me. Talk about a triple threat—the dancing, the singing, the acting, all flawlessly executed. I honestly can’t believe she isn’t already a staple in the professional scene. It was hard to keep my eyes off her whenever she was on stage.

Lily Horton-Stewarts Heather McNamara was another highlight. "Lifeboat" was a real emotional journey, and she took the audience right along with her. I could feel her anxiety bubbling under the surface, and when it broke, it was powerful. A beautifully crafted performance.

And then, Darcie Yelland as Martha—my heart. She brought so much warmth and life to Martha that you just wanted to give her a hug. By the time "Kindergarten Boyfriend" hit, I was a complete mess. It’s a challenging role to pull off, but Yelland absolutely nailed it.

I have to mention my favorite duo of the night: Zach Bartlett and Freddie Windle as Kurt and Ram. These two bounced off each other perfectly, delivering the humor and energy the roles require. They’re an iconic duo, and I truly hope to see them working together in the future!

Hannah Brown as Ms. Fleming brought so much life to the ditzy teacher role. You could really sense how much she cared about her News Crew… which made for a lot of laughs. I thoroughly enjoyed watching her performance!

The song of the night had to be ‘My Dead Gay Son’. The dads, Leo Sage and Hanno de Klerk, absolutely nailed it! The audience couldn’t stop clapping, and we just wanted more. Well done to both actors for a standout performance.

The ensemble deserves massive credit as well. The choreography and vocals were tight and well-constructed, with each piece fitting together like a perfectly synchronized puzzle. You could just feel the joy radiating off the entire cast, which gave the performance an extra spark of magic.

As for the set design, it was nothing short of spectacular. I loved the concept—especially how the brick wall split apart, and the two-story levels made the stage feel dynamic and immersive. I found myself wondering how long it took to build because it was just so beautifully crafted.

The lighting was also brilliantly executed. I loved how they played within the scheme. My favorite moment had to be during the bomb sequence, where the stage transformed into what looked like a disco ball for just a moment, symbolizing the explosion—it was an inventive and effective choice.

Sound was mostly on point. While there were a few minor issues with mics not being turned on in time or some effects coming in late, the sound mix overall was fantastic. Missing a couple of lines didn’t take away from how well everything sounded.

Big shoutout to the creative team. You’ve put on an amazing rendition of Heathers, and I’m excited to see what you all work on next. Overall, this cast for Heathers knocked it out of the park. From powerhouse performances to stellar ensemble work, this show was a treat from start to finish.