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friedcheesemogu · 3 days ago

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WHY WILLIAM BRANDT IS MY FAVORITE "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE" CHARACTER

This is a presentation I made for my discord last year, mostly for my own enjoyment, hopefully someone else will find it fun.

(I will state up front that it doesn't include anything about "M:I: Dead Reckoning" or any speculation on "Final Reckoning." For reasons.) Grab your snacks, here we go:

Hi. Thanks for coming.

Once upon a time, back in 2011, a friend wanted to go see "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol." I had seen "MI2" in theaters, promptly forgotten about it, and mostly we were going to this because my friend loved Simon Pegg, and this Jeremy Renner dude was going to be playing Hawkeye in the spring in "Avengers" so we were interested in checking him out. I liked the character of William Brandt a lot, and was very relieved when he wasn't the bad guy.

I then promptly forgot about him for the next 9 years.

In the summer of 2020, my housemate brought home the MI blu-ray set. When he put on MI1, I started off across the room from the TV, slowly crawling closer, climbing over the couch, finally committing to it... and had a great time. I mean, MI2 is hot garbage, but whatever, doves, man. MI3 was solid, and then I saw "Ghost Protocol," and I imprinted on William Brandt. Like hardcore. Like it makes me look stupid.

But I can't talk about him without first talking about...

I. ETHAN HUNT

Have you seen this man? Now you have.

So I see the MI series as a long term character journey for Ethan.

Each movie is different and each Ethan is different, based on where he is in life. (And yes, I know that's also because up until a point they all had different directors, but hear me out).

MI1:

The cocky beginner with nothing to lose. Well... he loses a few things, but by the end of it, he's pretty well set up. He also plans to get out of the game until the very end.

MI2:

Ethan's emo phase. He's becoming better at his job and he knows it, he's careless and rash with himself and with other people. And again he walks away at the end.

MI3:

"I'm trying to be normal." Ethan's gotten older, and is initially out of the field, and he wants to try that, he wants to see if he can have a civilian life with the woman he loves, live in a house, have a dog... He genuinely loves Julia and wants to be with her. Even at the end, I think he still has an idea that he can balance this life with IMF.

But then...

MI4:

This is the turning point. This is the crux of the change.

A friend once said that GP "isn't essential to watch" and my argument to that was, "what the fuck." Let's look into this.

Up until this point, Ethan's attitude has been "I can leave/I want to leave."

In MI3, he even asks Luther to "remember a life before all this," assuming and idealizing that as something better than what he is or what he has when he's with IMF

GP is the first time that Ethan is in it from the beginning. He's not green. He's not on vacation. He's not trying to run. He's been in a Russian Prison for two years and he put himself there. Now we start to see that his priorities have shifted, or at least, his priorities have made it such that he feels/needs/wants to be in the game. And here we find out what he's given up to do it: his marriage, his freedom, his physical and mental wellbeing (inasmuch as Ethan ever thinks about his mental wellbeing, but that's a different post)

At the end, it's the first time we see him walk directly towards another mission instead instead of trying to get away.

This is also the first time he seems to really appreciate his team and hold himself and them accountable to each other. After talking to The Fog, the team that was chosen for him.

...becomes the team he chooses.

(Please take a moment to admire how cute they are, how helpful. Jane Carter, my queen. Benji Dunn, my moppet.)

And part of the team he chooses to finish the job includes that guy that they "inherited:"

He chooses William Brandt.

LET'S LOOK AT THESE FINE BITCHES A FEW MORE TIMES:

*muffled "Crew" by Dessa" playing the background*

This image is my phone case.

Anyway, let's get to the main event: why William Brandt?

II. WILL

I'm gonna refer to him as "Will" from this point on, because this man is my baby. He is tattooed on my thigh. We are close, and every time I think about the fact that he is the only team member who never gets called anything but "Brandt" it breaks my heart. So I'm not gonna do that to him.

Will is unlike any team member Ethan has ever had.

Most people want to work with Ethan. Will would rather be anywhere else. He's an unwilling participant. He doubts his abilities and his usefulness even though he has the training and he knows the job. He's nervous. He's not ready for this. He doesn't want to do it...but he has to. So he will.

Ethan can't read him

Ethan is extremely good at figuring people out, or at least coming up with a rough idea of who they are/what they're after very quickly (traitors notwithstanding). But Will hides his true self perfectly. Well... almost.

Until he was actually fighting for his life, Ethan and the others assumed Will was just baggage. The fact that Ethan pauses mid fight to notice Will breaking a dude's leg is notable, because that's the moment he realizes he's misjudged him completely. Will has the ability to blend in and not seem like a threat, when the truth is, he's as fast as Ethan and can more than hold his own.

This scene is so fast that even though I've watched it about 436 times I still can't follow their hands and MY GOD it's so sexy I want to throw my computer across the room.

Will can pass in both the political world that Ethan shuns and on the field. He works with Hunley while simultaneously subverting him. He's able to do the field work in Mumbai and play along flawlessly in London in "Rogue Nation."

There is no literally reason for Ethan to say "you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine" in that tone of voice while they look each other up and down unless...

Anyway.

2. Will has real and believable pain and guilt

Will spends all of GP working with someone whose life he feels responsible for ruining. Whose wife he feels responsible for killing. He's haunted by Croatia and it's visible on his face when he talks about it to Jane and Benji (thank you Jeremy Renner). His emotions are crippling in a way that has never been addressed before, because they bring up what Ethan has only started to accept at this point: the cost of what they do is that you can lose people, forever. You can lose your faith in the job, in yourself, and sometimes that breaks you. Will, for all his high position, skill, and intelligence, considers himself a failure.

It's also worth noting that he and Jane are interesting parallels: they were both in charge of missions where they fucked up and now have to face their mistakes directly to fix them. But Jane is able to take her anger and her pain and turn it around; it takes Will years to even face it, and that's only under duress. That he rises to the occasion is to his credit, but it's hardly unreasonable to be so shaken by how you've failed that it takes a very long time to pick yourself back up.

3. Loyalty

Something I feel Will never really gets credit for is his loyalty to so many things, even at the cost of his sense of self.

He's loyal to IMF - he never left. Even when he was at his lowest, he did something else within the agency. He committed himself to this and he's going to do it, no matter how much it hurts.

He's beyond loyal to Ethan. Without him, Ethan might not have made it away from Hunley or survived the events of "Rogue Nation." In the tie-in comic "Torn Asunder", it is heavily implied that Will is the one who warns Ethan of when Hunley is getting close. He's on the inside making sure Ethan can stay one step ahead. It's true that Ethan ultimately reaches out to Benji, but that's because Will has a cover that's so deep Luther calls him "a sellout." He's also willing to play the part of the traitor successfully because he's kept Hunley at bay for so long. He also straight up kills someone with a car to save Ethan and Benji (and no one ever thanks him for any of this, by the way).

But he's also one of the few people who ever says "no"

For all his loyalty and commitment to Ethan, he's willing to argue with him -over the briefcase with the codes, over jumping, over what the hell Ethan means when he says "do you see" in the parking lot after Benji is kidnapped- to a point that it becomes more of a fight.

Will is not always right in these situations (or right by the standards of the insane people on the team), but he does have to have things explained, have to be persuaded that this is not some crazy bullshit. He wants the details because he knows those matter -that's his job, to find them, know them, and analyze them. It may seem like he's doubting Ethan when he asks "what happens if you don't make it back," but he's making a reasonable request of someone he knows isn't actually superhuman. Will is well aware that they are both fallible humans, and he takes that into account.

He's just so interesting...

4. Will and Ethan's relationship

Will is Ethan's foil. He left "this life" like Ethan tried so many times, but didn't actually leave any of it behind. He is what Ethan could be if he let the entire weight of his whole life on him (which I'm not saying he should do, not until he has time for a whole lot of therapy) and went "oh my god, what happened, what have I done?"

Will knows how to play by the rules, and thereby how to break them; Ethan breaks the rules to play by his own. Will knows the cost and -for better or worse- lets that keep him from acting; Ethan hopes that if he acts enough it'll balance what it's cost to do it.

Something I think about a lot is this: it's not entirely clear if the Serbian hit squad that "killed" Julia was an actual group of people acting independently or whether the entire thing -and therefore Ethan killing six people- was set up by Ethan and the Secretary. If it's the latter they allowed Will to shoulder the entire blame for the incident (which is super fucked up, by the way). Regardless of whose "job" it was to protect Julia, IMF and Ethan threw Will under several buses. Once he knows this, he could use this against Ethan at any point -a reason not to trust him, a bargaining chip to get what he wants- but he doesn't. Will keeps Ethan's darkest secret and is trusted with it, possibly even before Luther. And he protects it, protects Julia, protects Ethan. Ethan asks Will to compromise everything he is while knowing that Will has the means to destroy him, and Will does it, because he'd rather put himself in danger than betray him. I think that says a lot about him (and again, a simple "thank you" would have been nice).

And of course there's this:

Ethan's life has never been more literally in anyone's hands than Will's. For all the ways Ethan fails to trust him for most of GP, Will doesn't hesitate for a second to jump out the window to save the life of the man who ruined his. And he was fast enough to do it, which I think says a little about his skill level.

(Mad props to Jane too, let's not forget her.)

III. Saturn take the leap

*"Hero" by Faouzia playing gently in the foreground*

Will is the kind of character I find endlessly fascinating. He's got so much going on under the surface, but the surface is so artfully crafted that it's distracting. He's withdrawn, but he's not shy. He's physically adept, but the suit makes you think otherwise. He's obviously very intelligent, and also capable of being a complete salty dumbass jerk. He's sad, and he hurts, but when he's challenged he doesn't back down. He's been watching Ethan's back for a long, long time, and because he didn't get a stupid ending in Fallout, I want to believe he still is.

A word from our sponsor:

If you please, Mr. Cruise:

And I'm so sorry that I've forgotten the source for this one, but it leads me into one of the final, most important points:

DAT ASS

*Janelle Monae's "Yoga" plays loudly and aggressively*

OH HELL YEAH THAT IS MY TWENTY DOLLAR PEACH RIGHT THERE

IV. Thank you!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope you found it at least a little interesting. Most of this was pieced together from notes I wrote last March that I understood then but past me did not account for future me and so I had to rewrite and rethink some of it. But William Brandt came out of obscurity to conquer my heart and become one of my all-time favorite characters. I sleep with a picture of him next to my bed. Yes I am grown up and pay taxes. This is the form my adulthood has taken.

I'm nervous about coming back to tumblr and still trying to find my footing, but one of the reasons I love fandom and fanfiction because there's so many more stories that can be told outside of the movies., and I want to make them and find them and hear about them. What has Will been doing since the end of RN? Are he and Jane besties? Do they all have movie nights where Benji picks the movie and everyone is like "why have you done this to us?" Let me talk to you about my canon divergence fic where among other things Ilsa is still alive and she and Will are not fond of each other... I personally love Will/Ethan as a ship, and I've dedicated my heart to it (AoT, anyone?), but there's so many options for everyone to pick their favorite character, favorite ship, whatever, and go deeper into them that we get to in the bursts of two to three hours they're on the screen. I'd love to talk with people about them and I'm hoping that I'll get the chance here. And then I can also mention my Mission Impossible dollhouse...

But for now, again, thanks. I really love William Brandt, the end.

#mission impossible #william brandt #will brandt #mission impossible ghost protocol #ethan hunt #benji dunn #jane carter #jeremy renner #tom cruise #jeremy renner's butt

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honiegoo · 4 days ago

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hello great god grove gays. i need to be autistic about the drain for a little bit. Will this make sense? Will this be coherent? I dont know! I have ADHD ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I don't normally post my ramblings outside of discord but my friends encouraged me to-

Wee bit of end game spoilers so keep that in mind!

Anyways, I hope you guys don't mind me taking a few pages out of your books about The Drain being some sort of cold industrial-like place. The Drain is essentially where "waste" goes but the folks down there don't consider it trash. In fact they build their lives, homes, from it. There might be designated places where things are dumped down into The Drain. residents are free to scavenge/rummage through it. But one should be careful in case more falls in. Don't want to be crushed or killed. I'd like to think that's why Gr puts a cone on his head or why P puts a bucket over his head too and refers to it as "armor" its not trash to them. It might have even helped with the on pour of rain down in The Drain too.

It's a negative connotation for the bizzyboys because to them, The Drain is where things might go to rot, or maybe they are living in someone else's shadow of life. They lack a purpose aside from being bottom feeders. Perhaps that's why Alex isn't so afraid of shoving crap in his mouth that isn't edible. He's used to it. Used to the trial and error of gambling. They almost live like sewer rats (I'd like to think anyone calling them rats is very offensive. So don't do that!!).

I think that's why joining the bizzyboys is a BIG deal to those who reside in The Drain. Inspekta gives them a purpose, a reason to find one self in the world. Along with revoking self identity with giving up your name and earning it back but shhh. Also a way to leave The Drain, build a reputation for their kind and see the world the way the ones in the Grove/Earth do.

Fun little tidbits; I imagined Banana, down in the drain found an old, broken TV. He fixed it up the best he could, perhaps making his own makeshift "man cave" to use it. A little canopy to protect it from the rain. It crackles and buzzes a lot but with the added find of VHS tapes, it sparked his love for cinema. Even if audio isn't always present.

Vibi perhaps got into fashion by leafing through fashion magazines that were discarded. Finding fabrics and practicing his craft of being a designer. Even enjoys watching movie or shows with Ban to get more ideas for outfits.

Some other thing, I think every so often, Inspekta and/or Capochin go back to the drain to hire more future bizzyboys. Since there's way more of them other than the main gang you interact with. More recruits means a bigger voice. A bigger voice means Inspekta's propaganda influence will spread.

#goo jibbers #ggg #great god grove #yeah i dont think this actually is written with flow but OUGH i got a lot of thoughts for this place #i still giggle at alex insulting capo with ''ah go drain it'' or somethin #also the idea of the bizzyboy business splitting up must be so scary #like does p and the others return back to the drain? do they no longer serve a purpose now that capo and hector are having a falling out?#to go back living in the shadows... a scary thought indeed #hect is a complicated character...i also think he was scared of his kind being forgotten if he didnt do something #i LOUDLY joke about this but do you think the name of their kind is called drain-os?#I JOKE PLS DONT KILL ME

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godisshook · 2 years ago

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Movie Night

Zach was the best friend I could have. He was nice, a nerd just like me, and so so funny. One time, some bully tried to beat me up because I was gay, and Zach stood face to face with him and almost fought him if a teacher didn’t break them up before any fists could be thrown. He was the most genuine guy I knew, and when I found out we were both going to the same high school, I was overjoyed. He was incredibly driven, and despite him not being crazy smart, always was successful at anything he put his mind to.

Sometime during our sophomore year he started really getting into working out, and he was making some progress, but I would always joke that he was just a “muscular shrimp” to which he would usually reply, “At least I HAVE muscle.” And he wasn’t wrong, I was 5’7 and 115 pounds, not the most built individual, most definitely.

We were always hanging out until the pandemic hit later in sophomore year. All of a sudden we were home, and I couldn’t talk to my best friend like usual. We kept in touch through discord and would call each other almost every day after class. When Zach got a girlfriend our junior year, we stopped talking almost completely, and I had a breakdown. When we were back in class senior year, he had completely changed. His girlfriend cheated on him before the year started, and broke up with him three weeks before the first day of class. He started going to the gym a lot more it seemed and even took a firefighter course, which I thought was super cool, even if I would never say it to his face.

When we got back senior year, he looked completely different. A guy who was once 5’8 and only 130 pounds was now 6’2 and 185 pounds of pure muscle. He apologized for not talking to me for so long, saying that he needed time to just focus on himself, which I thought was bs but accepted because I still really valued him as a friend. In class, I would still joke with him, and he would welcome them, flexing as I said that his arms were too big, or he looked like a dorky jock if that was even possible.

The transition back made it so that we would alternate days going to class, and so we were still not seeing each other, but during one of his firefighting classes, I snuck in and attended with the teacher being none the wiser.

We also made a new tradition, a movie night over zoom. It was our way of still hanging out, even though we were busy and couldn’t just go to each other's places. I would constantly pick horror movies, and Zach would pick action every time. It was fun and allowed me to connect with my old buddy even as our lives became more hectic.

I noticed that as time passed, Zach became even more jock-ish, and would start calling me small and saying that he could easily lift me, which I took to great offense in a joking way of course. As we were watching Scream one night, I see Zach on my other monitor with his shirt off, flexing and looking straight at me. “What are you doing?” I say, looking at him incredulously. “Nothing.” he replied in a low tone. I shrug it off as him probably just being weird, and go back to finishing the movie.

I manage to sneak in a screenshot of him as he was doing it, and kept it in my camera roll for “blackmail.”

I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about that night the following week, and one day in class, while daydreaming, Zach interrupts my waking dream by saying, “Do you wanna come to my place for movie night this weekend?” I look up at him and reply, “Of course!” I felt as if the old days of our friendship were coming back, and was so excited to go. His parents were out of town, and this is the whole house would be empty aside from us two. We decide that it would be better if I just spent the whole weekend there, so packed a suitcase on Friday to bring over.

We played board games all day, and then went into playing Fortnite, which he hard carried me in, having to explain half of the game to me the whole time.

It was my turn to pick the movie again, and I wanted to pick Nightmare on Elm Street because I wanted him to see all the "classics." When I came back from a bathroom break, he said I had practically missed half the movie, to which I swiftly play-punched him in the shoulder, and then immediately regretted my decision as it felt like punching straight iron. Despite this, we start play fighting, but as I vastly underestimated his new strength, and vastly overestimated mine, I found myself pinned against the couch as both of my wrists were in his hands.

I look up at him, and as he stares back, I notice his sweatpants start to rise. As the shape of his cock takes form in his sweatpants, he begins taking off his jacket, and I rush to pull my shirt off. There's a mutual hunger, a horniness only created after years of knowing each other, and it was releasing itself tonight.

I rush to pull off his sweatpants, and begin sucking him off. "Fuckkkkkkk" he groans as I wrap my tongue around his shaft and start licking all over it. He pushes my head down on his cock as I gag, saying, "How do you like that?" "Itsthhh sooo guuuuddd" I say between breaths as his cock goes down my throat again. I had never seen him like this, it was like a beast took over him. He takes me and lifts me up, ripping my underwear and placing his cock into the hole he created in it.

He starts pushing me up and down on his cock as I'm on his chest, and every time he pulls me up he goes in for a kiss, a small bit of sweetness breaking through the roughness.

Slowly, he starts to walk upstairs, with me still being hoisted up, and with his dick in me. Every step up causes it to go deeper, and as he gets on the stair it comes out ever so slightly. I moan in pleasure as he does this, and he slaps my ass as I do. When we get to his bedroom, he throws me on the bed and rips off the shreds of underwear I had left.

He fucks me for what seemed like years, taking his massive cock and digging it all in my tight hole. It felt like it was going up into my chest, and I rolled my eyes back as he kept fucking. After the backshots, he turns me over and fucks me, hugging his body towards me, and sliding his dick in and out. His abs were grinding against my cock, and I came as he started pulling in and out of me quickly. With him going faster and faster, I felt his dick get warm in my ass, and soon he started to groan, and hot cum leaked from his dick into me, and he laid on my chest with his cock still in my ass.

As I was walking home commando, I couldn't help but think about how good it was, and texted him, "Where did you get THAT energy from?" to which he replied, "From wanting you since day one." I will admit, that made me blush. Zach was now my regular fuckbuddy, and the sex was mindblowing. I looked forward to our "movie nights" every week, and even though we would never make it through a movie again, at least I get good sex in exchange.

#muscle #nerd to jock #friends to lovers #jock tf #male transformation #muscle tf

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failureface · 11 months ago

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thoughts on "Welcome Home, Franklin"

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Okay, this special was really great.

I love Franklin. He's a sweet boy who never had a unkind thing to say about Charlie Brown- he was the straight man to the wacky antics of the Peanuts gang. But I never got the feeling he was more than that in the strips. This special serves as the backstory and character that Franklin didn't originally get, but sorely needed.

And this special beautifully and gracefully rights some of the wrongs that past Peanuts media made.

I was surprised this film even went there in terms of discussing racism a little. Peanuts is an IP that you expect people to be overly-protective of. 'No, the scene in "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" isn't racist- and it's NOT weird that all the kids are white' is more of what I expected to hear from this. But refreshingly, this special addresses it. Like, YEAH, there IS a lack of diversity! It feels so much better for that stuff to be acknowledged rather than swept under the rug.

I love the fact that Franklin is unsure of himself and his ability to make friends. This makes him super relatable and sympathetic, and also makes a clear connection to why he gravitates towards Charlie Brown. The two of them bond over their shared feeling of being "the Underdog", and not knowing how to make friends or navigate social landscapes. Franklin also opens up Charlie Brown to new experiences and knowledge, telling him about discrimination and introducing him to music he hasn't heard before. Not only that, but Franklin encourages Charlie Brown to be less anxious and push himself further. And Charlie Brown is a much needed friend and sympathetic ear for Franklin. They have each other's back and their bond is undeniable.

That's what this special is truly trying to get at. That friends of different backgrounds and experiences from us can help us to learn and grow as people. I think that's a really wonderful message and one that we all need at any age, and one that we especially need now.

Overall, this special really blew it out of the water, and I gave it five stars.

Special shoutout if you were able to make it to the premiere stream in the Peanuts discord, that made it twice as fun to watch!

Some miscellaneous thoughts under the cut

Franklin's music taste is so elite

The music picks in this movie are honestly fantastic. The soundtrack really elevates the experience and every song is awesome

THE BEACH SCENE! It's so rewarding as a fan to see moments that are plucked straight from the strip. It feels like the people making them really know Peanuts

All the little tiny schrucy crumbs- I eat it up. I know screenshots and gifs will be made and posted and I will be reblogging them.

Lucy and Franklin's beef- I wasn't expecting it but it's so funny and adds some really great dynamics into the fold

Since this is about the friendship between Charlie Brown and Franklin specifically, minor inaccuracies Franklin actually being on Peppermint Patty's baseball team in the strip are forgiven. Some fans more scrupulous than I would probably have an issue with this, but I'm not one of those fans. This isn't 100% faithful to Peanuts Lore but I don't mind.

I LOVED the scene where Charlie Brown wants to pull the breaks and Franklin wants to keep going. It shows so much without saying anything, and it gives way for great conflict that makes sense and comes from real places within the characters

And I love how Franklin is allowed to be mad, and he and Charlie Brown fight. We're not afraid to rock the boat anymore, and it makes Franklin feel so much more human

Just the right amount of Snoopy scenes, this one reached the perfect balance of Snoopy and Story

Everything is just so overwhelmingly cute here I had to restrain myself from writing "cute" or any of its synonyms in my review

"We saved you a seat!" <3333

#Welcome Home Franklin #my posts #reviews #Peanuts #franklin armstrong #Charlie Brown #theres so much stuff im forgetting to mention but my ADD mind cant think of everything at once sorry guys

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bwabys-scenarios · 1 year ago

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Fixer Upper

Part 9

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

part 8

part 10

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr

if you’d like to be ADDED to the taglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

if you like my writing, come join my discord!! we watch HXH, play games, and spend all night writing sometimes!! there’s also lots of content there that I may never post here!!

(Name)’s friend had a small cabin near the beach she’d offered to loan her for a few days. From Tuesday to Thursday, they’d be staying in a few towns over to enjoy the beach.

When they arrived home, Leorio left to go and start packing his stuff. They had a few days before the cabin would be available, so they had plenty of time to plan.

“Everyone get to bed! We’re going to be having a down day tomorrow, and Monday we’re going shopping for beach supplies.”

Killua nodded as he rubbed at his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Come on, Gon.”

The two leave to their rooms.

(Name) sighs before crashing onto the couch, not even knowing the skirt of her dress was lifted just enough to expose the pink panties she’d worn to the Barbie movie.

Kurapika didn’t notice at first either, he was too busy pulling off his shirt. That was until her back arched and cracked a bit, causing her to groan and him to look over to make sure she was okay.

He didn’t think this day could get any better, but the view he saw certainly… did something for him.

Her butt was firmly in the air, her clothed pussy on full display. Her cute thigh highs squished her thighs perfectly, creating a sight he thought he could only see in heaven.

‘I want to…’

He stopped himself before he even finished that thought, moving away from the couch and towards his room.

“Going to bed, goodnight.”

“Night…”

He heard her whine slightly as she stretched before he rushed to his room. He barely got the door closed before he was slipping his hand into his pants, panting as he stroked his cock. The door was still slightly cracked open, and he realized if he peeked out, he could still see her cute butt poking up into the air.

‘This is… dirty.’

But he couldn’t stop looking. She just looked so perfect on display, all for him to enjoy.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck…’

She whimpered out, rubbing her back lightly. It must if hurt from carrying around those big boobs all day.

“Kurapika…”

He stopped, eyes going wide. Did she happen to see him? That couldn’t be possible, she was facing in the opposite direction.

“Did he go to bed already?”

She pushed herself off of the couch, moving so her butt was pushed in his direction, her panties moving to the side ever so slightly.

It was enough to make him cum instantly, gasping as he painted the door.

“Kurapika?” she called out again, this time beginning to turn towards his door.

He slipped his hand from his pants and ran over to his desk, grabbing a tissue she’d supplied for him and moving to wipe off the door.

“Hey, are you asleep?”

She knocked on the cracked door, causing it to open up. Thankfully he’d wiped the door clean before she opened it, holding the tissue in his hand relived.

“No, I’m awake. Do you need something?”

His cheeks were still flushed and his limbs weak from his orgasm seconds before. Kurapika felt soft, his eyelashes fluttering when she bent slightly to smile at him.

“Can you unzip me? Leorio was going to, but he forgot and now he’s gone.”

Kurapika wanted to bang his head against the wall. “… yes, of course I can.”

He followed her up to her room, now noticing how easy it was to see her underwear when he was following right behind her.

“Ugh my back is killing me! I knew wearing a bra without any support was a bad idea… but this dress is strapless.”

Kurapika was not listening to a goddamn thing. He was too focused on her cute ass. “Uh huh.”

They walked into her room. She instantly kicked off her Mary Janes and lifted her leg onto the bed to pull off her thigh highs.

‘She’s going to kill me.’

He watched as she pulled the first one down before he had to turn to avoid getting hard again. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her, especially after spying on her like a perv minutes before.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

She turned his way, her back to him. He stepped forward and stared down at her back.

‘It’s just her back. Don’t you DARE get hard over her back you fucking idiot.’

He pulled the zipper down.

‘God fucking damn it.’

The sight of her bra made him grow hard yet again, and there was no hiding it in these jeans. He pulled the zipper the rest of the way down before turning.

“You’re going so soon?”

He paused in the doorway, gritting his teeth. All Kurapika wanted to do was go to his room, jerk off, and pass out.

But the innocent tone in her voice made him sigh.

“Do you need me to stay?”

“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to watch a movie with me. Since it was… interrupted last time.”

Ouch. He’d forgotten he’d pretty much abandoned her a week or so ago to find a member of the phantom troupe. She’d stayed up all night waiting for him, and he couldn’t even call to ease her worries.

Usually, Kurapika would push these guilty feelings away and just sleep, but after his orgasm he was feeling… soft. Easily mailable by her hands.

“… sure. You get changed and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Kurapika internally groaned, looking down at himself with a sigh. ‘I’ll change into some baggy pajama pants. Should… hide it…’

———————

(Name) walked downstairs wearing a nightgown and a green face mask. He wanted to tease her for it, saying she looked silly, but knew if he did she’d have plenty of ammo to throw back at him.

“Imma pop some popcorn! We gotta eat quietly though. Just the smell is enough to wake up Gon…”

She sighed, and pulled the popcorn from the cabinet. Kurapika was curled up on the couch, a blanket covering his form. “Shouldn’t we just not eat it then?”

“Nah, if he wakes up I’ll just give him some horse tranquilizer.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s like a melatonin gummy for him.”

The blonde stared at the TV. ‘What the hell is wrong with that boy?’

Kurapika huffed when she sat the bowl of popcorn in his lap. “It’s hot! I’m gonna grab us some lemonade!”

He popped a few pieces into his mouth. ‘Mmm… I haven’t had popcorn in years.’

(Name) plopped down next to him, curling her legs against the side of the couch. She leaned until her head was comfortably against Kurapika’s shoulder.

Usually he would have pushed her off subtly or moved away, but right now he was feeling… cuddly.

Although he didn’t move to hold her close, he did allow her to stay.

“What do you want to watch? I’m thinking a ghibli movie.”

“I don’t care, you can pick.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, but picked a random ghibli movie.

It happened to be Howl’s Moving Castle.

“Oooh, this is a good one. I think you’ll like it!”

Kurapika only nodded, leaning his head against hers. It was the only contact he’d allow himself to make.

The movie started, Kurapika barely able to pay attention. He was too focused on (Name)’s soft scent and comforting warmth.

A few minutes in, he felt (Name) pull away slightly. She seemed excited, bouncing in her seat.

“Ahh, it’s Howl.”

Her eyes almost twinkled when a blonde man appeared on screen, offering a hand to the main female character. Kurapika hadn’t bothered to learn her name.

The man looked… awfully familiar. His blonde hair, soft feminine appearance, and pretty eyes made Kurapika tilt his head.

“Is that… your favorite character?”

She nodded, her eyes never leaving the blonde haired man.

“He’s been my favorite ghibli character for years.”

Kurapika smiled. “I see.”

‘She did say my butt was cute earlier… and that she likes my hair…’

The movie continued on, (Name) occasionally gasping or cooing at the screen. “Hehe, look! Aren’t they just the cutest?”

The girl on screen reminded him of her. She was a bit insecure, but to everyone else but her she was beautiful.

“Yes. They are.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She looked gorgeous, even in the low light of the living room.

She caught him staring, sending him a wink. “Pay attention to the movie, sweetheart.”

Kurapika blushed. She wasn’t usually the type to confront him about his staring, even though he was sure she could notice it. (Name) was a hunter after all, she couldn’t be that oblivious.

“Ah… it’s almost over.”

She seemed a little sad at this. Kurapika wasn’t sure if it was because she really liked the movie, or their time together would end soon.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew (Name) cared for him quite a bit, even being told by Leorio she had a crush on him during the Hunter Exam. Of course, at the time that made him beyond happy. Kurapika didn’t know why exactly, but knowing she liked him more than the others made his heart soar.

But now, that knowledge didn’t fill him with butterflies, it filled him with dread. Had he broken her heart with what he said during York New? Had he ruined any chances he’d had with her?

‘Ruined any… what am I thinking?’

He shook the thought from his head. Kurapika couldn’t dare to think like that. She was his dear friend, someone that needed to be protected.

Protected from the danger being around him could bring.

She sighed as the end credits rolled, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. “Did you like it?”

He wasn’t sure how to tell her he’d barely paid any attention to the movie on screen, much to busy thinking about her, so he just nodded.

“I’m glad. I’m… happy I got to spend this time with you.”

She held onto his hand, a sad smile on her lips. He wanted to cup her cheeks and wipe that sad smile away more than anything.

But did he really have the right to when he was the reason for her sadness?

Kurapika patted her head. “I did too. We should get going to bed, though.”

(Name) but her lip, staring down at her lap.

“Kurapika?”

He paused. She sounded soft, vulnerable. He didn’t often hear that in her voice.

“Yes?”

Her eyes met his, the beginnings of tears tucked away in the corners.

“Will I… will I ever seen you again after you leave?”

A stab in the chest would have been easier to handle than that question. Kurapika stuttered, his eyes looking away from hers.

“I…”

He couldn’t answer her, not when his answer would only make her cry. Kurapika hated seeing her tears.

“…”

(Name) pulled away from him, hugging herself tight. It hurt him to see her so small, like she could shrink into nothing at any second.

“You’re really important to me, you know? Even if… even if you hate me. I…”

Tears began to fall down her cheeks, collecting on the throw blanket they’d been sharing.

“(Name)…”

He reached out to wipe away her tears, but stopped midway.

“I don’t…”

“I can’t stand you! You’re weak, you can’t do anything right!”

Kurapika pulled his hand back and held it against his chest. ‘Do I have the right to comfort her when I said such awful things?’

“(Name)?”

Killua poked his head out of his bedroom door, his blue eyes scanning the room until they landed on (Name). He ran forward and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I heard you from my room…”

Killua sent a glare Kurapika’s way before pulling her off the couch and towards the bathroom. “You need to wash off that face mask before you break out.”

She only nodded, glancing back at Kurapika before the bathroom door closed behind her.

The blonde stared at the closed door, clutching the fabric of his shirt so tightly it ripped.

‘She thinks I hate her… maybe it’s for the best.’

Kurapika stood, walking towards the TV to turn it off. On a table by the TV was a framed photo, Kurapika’s eyes widening when he took a closer look.

It was a picture of the entire group chatting about their plan in the hotel during York New.

‘Did (Name) take this?’

She wasn’t in the picture, Kurapika feeling a little disappointed. But that was quickly changed when he saw there were several photos of various members of the group framed, some of just him alone.

‘She… she put these up even after what happened…’

Kurapika bit his lip so hard it bled. She wanted to remember him when he was smiling, looking at her with those soft eyes he always seemed to have when she was around.

“…”

Kurapika walked to his room and closed the door behind him.

———————

(Name) and Killua sat at the kitchen table, Gon fixing himself a bowl of cereal by the fridge.

“Remember boys, todays a rest day, so no getting into any trouble.”

She sipped on her coffee, looking around the house. It was a mess, meaning she’d need to clean before she even thought about leaving for the beach.

Kurapika left his room, wandering into the kitchen while rubbing his sleepy eyes.

“Good morning…”

He yawned into his hand as he made himself a cup of coffee then sat down at the table next to (Name). “Good morning, Kurapika.”

She gave him a smile, before standing up and taking her cup with her upstairs. “We’ll all be resting today, Kurapika. Of course, you can do what you want, but the rest of us are going to catch up on some sleep and indulge in our interests.”

He nodded, still waking up as she left for her room. Once she was out of earshot, Killua scoffed.

“You sure fucked up last night. Do you enjoy making (Name) cry?”

Oh, Kurapika and forgotten about last night’s events. And he’d just sat down next to her like nothing had happened.

“… I didn’t mean to make her cry.”

“You never do.”

Gon sat down with them at the table, munching on his cereal. “Hmm? What were y’all talking about?”

Killua sighed. “Nothing of importance to Kurapika, apparently.”

Kurapika finished his coffee in silence. ‘Less than a week I’ll be gone and out of her hair. She’ll… she’ll forget about me eventually.’

But the thought of her forgetting about him and moving on with a different man made him feel sick.

“Kurapika, you should come to the creek with us today! We’re releasing the fish we saved last week.”

Kurapika tilted his head. “You want me to come with you?”

Gon nodded. “Yeah, it would be fun! We could even have a picnic! (Name) always packs us lunches when we go out to the creek all day.”

Killua groaned. “But Gon, going to the creek is our thing!”

The blonde raised an eyebrow. “I have my own things to do today.”

“Like what?”

Kurapika scowled. “I have phone calls to make.”

“What kind of phone calls?”

“… important ones.”

Gon tilted his head, and Killua sighed. “There are no phone calls, are there?”

Kurapika stayed quiet.

“Alright, so he’s coming with us then!”

It seemed like Kurapika didn’t have much of a choice, so he downed his coffee and left to get dressed.

——————

(Name) began packing the three lunches in the kitchen. Gon and Killua had left to grab some buckets from the garage, leaving Kurapika and (Name) alone.

He lingered in the kitchen, watching her from a distance. She finished packing their lunches before turning to him with a shy smile.

“Hey um… about last night…”

Kurapika froze in his spot, nearly dropping his cup of coffee.

“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you those questions. You don’t have to tell me anything, and I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Kurapika blinked. ‘Is she… is she apologizing? No…’

“Even if you… hate me… I won’t hold it against you, you’re still always welcome here.”

‘Stop. Don’t say those things. Don’t.’

“So… just forget about what I said. Let’s just enjoy whatever time we have together!”

She gave him a final smile before the front door opened. Killua and Gon walked in carrying buckets.

“It’s show time. Kurapika, I hope you know how to work a pole.”

“A what!?”

“A fishing pole.”

(Name) held a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Kurapika just sighed and followed them out the door, carrying their packed lunches with them.

“Make sure you keep up, we will leave you behind.”

“Killua! No we won’t, that isn’t nice.”

Kurapika didn’t respond, only focusing on memorizing the route to the creek. If Killua did end up leaving him behind, he’d have no trouble finding his way back.

They arrived at the creek, Gon and Killua instantly releasing the fish they’d saved last week.

“During a few weeks in the summer, the creek goes down and a lot of the fish die. Me and Killua will catch as many as we can then release them when the creek is full again.”

‘That sounds like eco-terrorism.’

Killua tossed Kurapika a fishing pole, the blonde catching it immediately. “Do you know how to fish?”

“Yes, Killua. I’ve had to fish to feed myself on numerous occasions.”

Killua scoffed. “Yeah, sure. We’re going to be surprising (Name) with fish for dinner tonight, so make sure to use your ‘skills’ and catch as much fish as you can.”

The two frowned at each other before Gon stepped in between them. “Hey, let’s save our energy for the fishing!”

Killua was the first to catch a fish, holding it up with a proud smile.

“Oh, I’ll get a picture for (Name)!”

He snapped a picture of Killua holding up his first catch.

‘Why does she need a picture of him holding a fish?’ Kurapika thought, before turning his attention back to his own fishing pole.

A few hours passed, Kurapika being the only one without a single catch.

“Didn’t you say you were good at fishing, blondie?”

The blonde huffed. “I didn’t say I was good, I said I knew how to fish.”

“Then do it?”

Kurapika dropped his pole to the ground and began to walk off.

“Killua, don’t anta… antony…”

“Antagonize him?”

“Yeah!”

Killua sighed. “Hey, blondie, get back here! Don’t you want to do something nice for (Name) after making her cry last night?”

The blonde stopped in his tracks. “… would bringing home fish… make her feel better?”

“She always gets happy when we bring home fish! Well, at least fish to eat.”

Kurapika walked back over and sat by the creek again, picking up his pole and inspecting it.

“Killua.”

The white haired boy walked over. “Yeees?”

“Why is there a gummy worm on my hook?”

“For good luck of course!”

Kurapika threw the gummy worm into the dirt. “I hate you.”

“Feelings mutual, blondie.”

————————

After placing an actual worm on his hook, Kurapika was able to catch several fish. Of course, it wasn’t very easy. He had to climb down into the creek with a net to catch them, slipping on the mud and falling in several times.

The walk back home was humiliating.

Kurapika’s hair was wet, with leaves and little sticks clinging to his blonde locks. His tabard and shirt were slung over his shoulder.

Killua and Gon didn’t look much better. The two looked like they’d been mud wrestling.

‘I mean technically Gon did wrestle that alligator… still don’t know how he won.’

Said boy was holding the buckets they brought, all full of fish of varying species.

Kurapika recognized most of them, besides the strange… sea urchin thing? Did it have eyes? Oh god it was looking at him.

The blonde faced forward. All he knew is he was NOT eating that.

“(Name) is going to be so happy! Oh Gon, I told you to throw that thing back.”

He pointed to the sea urchin thing. “Oh, I’m keeping this one as a pet. I’m naming him Hanzo!”

‘(Name) won’t like that. Her and Hanzo hated each other.’

Kurapika thought back to their time fixing the boat before the 4th phase. Hanzo and (Name) butted heads a lot, often because Hanzo didn’t know what personal space was.

He remembered when he fell and hit his head, and she stayed with him through the night, even though she herself was in pain.

‘She’s always been there for me…’

Kurapika was glad they’d reached (Name)’s house, because he didn’t want to think about how often she’d saved his ass and helped him through tough times.

Would he have done the same for her?

———————

“Oh wow, look at all this fish! You sure caught a lot, didn’t you?”

The two boys smiled wide as she cooed and gave them hugs, praising them. “Fried fish sound good to you two?”

“Mhm! With fries!”

(Name) giggled, patting Gon’s head. “Of course.”

Her face always took on a different form when she was looking at the two boys. While she was almost always soft and gentle, it was like her soft nature intensified tenfold when they were around.

Killua seemed pretty attached to her. Had he been that way when he’d last seen them in York New? Kurapika couldn’t remember him seeming so content in her presence.

“Kurapika, I heard you caught a lot too. You did a great job.”

Something about her praising him made his heart race. It almost made him feel giddy.

“Oh, um… it was no trouble.”

Killua scoffed next to him. ‘He’s awful at hiding how happy she makes him.’

Kurapika wasn’t surprised at how easily she was able to descale and gut the fish. During the Hunter Exam, she’d been the one feeding him and Leorio when they were stranded on that boat.

“Dinner will be ready in 30 minutes. You boys go wash up. You can use my bathroom, it’s bigger.”

The three trudged up the stairs, dropping their muddy clothes into her hamper.

(Name)’s bathroom was big, it had both a bath tub and shower. The two boys started the bath before jumping into the shower.

Kurapika raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you two getting too old to be bathing together?”

Killua raised an eyebrow. “We’re both guys, why does it matter? Plus Gon can’t wash his hair by himself. He always gets soap in his eyes.”

“Usually Aunt Mito or (Name) comes in and helps, but Killua does it when they can’t.”

They rinsed off a majority of the mud before jumping in the soapy bath. Kurapika sighed.

‘She babies them too much. He can’t wash the soap out of his hair? Isn’t he 14 already?’

Kurapika made sure that the two weren’t paying attention when he pulled his own clothes off and stepped into the shower.

There was a pink loofa, several soaps and body scrubs, and shampoo on the shelves.

‘Oh, I forgot to grab my shampoo…’

He shrugged and picked up her bottle, squirting some of the shampoo into his hand before rubbing it into his hair.

Kurapika would never get used to how his body reacted to anything that reminded him of her. Sometimes it was arousal, and sometimes a soothing feeling settled over him.

Like now.

He felt his tired muscles relax when he began to run her soap into his skin. He thought about using her loofa, the fluffy pink thing tempting, but he decided not to. Using her soap was one thing, using the object she rubbed all over her naked body was another.

Oh no, now he was thinking about her taking a shower. (Name) rubbing herself with the loofa, humming to herself as the suds washed away to reveal her breasts and bare p-

Kurapika’s eyes snapped open. He couldn’t think about that, not now. He tucked away those thoughts for later, when he could think about her in the privacy of his bedroom.

Kurapika let the suds rinse away, staring down at his naked body. He had a few new scars from recent missions, and he was still a bit underweight. (Name)’s meals were certainly helping him come back to his normal weight, but just a few weeks wouldn’t cause any major changes.

He wrapped a towel around his waist before stepping out.

‘Oh. I didn’t bring any clothes up either.’

Kurapika was about to sigh and take a walk of shame down the stairs when he spotted a pile of folded clothes on the counter.

On top was a pair of his pajamas. He picked up the shirt and sniffed it, sighing when he could smell the lingering scent of (Name)’s perfume.

‘She brought us a change of clothes?’

He put the clothes on and wrapped his towel around his neck. ‘Maybe she’ll dry my hair for me again…’

Kurapika allowed himself this small amount of happiness.

He glanced to where the boys were in the bathtub, nearly laughing when he saw them playing with random bath toys. It was a rare sight, Killua smiling and acting like the kid he really was.

Kurapika let them have their fun, walking out the bathroom door and closing it behind him. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, (Name) was waiting for him.

“Come on.”

She pulled him to the living room and had him sit on the floor as she dried his hair. “You know, your hair is looking a lot better. Maybe you should just start using my shampoo.”

He didn’t answer, his eyes closed and his head leaning against her knees as her fingers ran through his hair. It was relaxing, and Kurapika was realizing that he really liked his hair being played with.

“You’ve got such pretty hair, Kurapika. I’m glad you’re taking better care of it.”

She finished drying his hair, running her fingers through it one last time.

“… you’re too kind, (Name).”

She hummed. “So I’ve heard, but I don’t think anyone can be too kind.”

‘You can, (Name).’

He remembered the way her face dropped during one of their arguments in York New. Kurapika was so sure after that, he’d never see her smile at him again.

But here she was, letting him lean against her knees as she dried his hair. Him, the man who broke her heart and called her so many mean names. She was doing this for him.

And part of him hated her for it.

“I need to get back to cooking. Will you tell Killua and Gon dinner will be ready in five minutes?”

Kurapika stood. “Of course.”

——————

(Name) dried both of the two boy’s hair as Kurapika made his plate.

“Oh, I cut up some fruit too! It’s sitting in the fridge, could you take it out for me, sweetheart?”

He paused, but recovered quickly. “On it.”

He glanced to the group as he pulled the bowl out. Gon was waiting patiently at (Name)’s feet as Killua got his hair dried.

“All done, go and make your plate.”

Killua stood and Gon too his place.

“I got my hands full with all of you, ya know?”

She squeezed Gon’s cheek, who laughed. “Sorry, but you’re the best at drying hair!”

“Haha, I’m not sure how good of a skill that is to have, but thank you.”

Killua made his plate and sat at the table, farthest away from Kurapika.

“Alright, you’re done.”

Gon jumped up and ran to make his plate, (Name) following behind him. “I’m starving! I could eat all of this!”

(Name) giggled. “You can have as much as you want after I make my plate.”

The four ate dinner, Gon and Killua recounting the fun day they had. It didn’t take long for them to finish their food, the two yawning.

“I think it’s about time for bed. Why don’t you two watch some TV for a bit then get some sleep? I’m gonna go shower.”

She placed her plate in the dishwasher, closing it before sighing. “We’ve got to go shopping then leave for the cabin tomorrow evening. It’ll be a long day, so get plenty of rest.”

“Yes, (Name)!”

Gon gave her a hug before she went upstairs. Kurapika noticed Killua watching her go.

The white haired boy looked… anxious? He was playing with drawstring of his sleeveless hoodie and tapping his foot.

‘Did something happen?’

Kurapika decided not to pry, instead sitting on the far end of the couch and watching some cartoon movie with the two.

He enjoyed spending time with them as well, even if Killua was a bit rude. Kurapika didn’t hold it against him. Mostly.

“Killua, we should get going. It’s getting late.”

Gon pulled Killua to his feet and started to lead him to their shared room.

“… alright.”

The two left, Gon leaving the door cracked open behind him.

‘I should sleep as well. With them, there’s no telling how exhausting tomorrow may be.’

The blonde entered his room and closed the door behind him. If he wanted to sleep, he’d need to jerk off first. He didn’t want to have another wet dream, it made it hard to be around (Name) after.

Though, jerking off to the thought of her didn’t make him feel much better. Besides the overwhelming amount of pleasure, that is.

———————

Kurapika awoke to the sound of someone sneaking down the hallway. A normal person would have never noticed this, but the blonde was far from normal.

He tiptoed to his door and peeked out, spotting Killua running up the stairs.

Kurapika would have ignored it and gone back to bed, but the brief glance he’d gotten from Killua’s face made him worry.

He looked absolutely terrified, something Kurapika had never seen in Killua before.

The blonde concealed his aura, waiting a moment before walking upstairs as well. By then, Killua was long gone, the only indication of where he’d gone being (Name)’s door, left cracked open.

“Killua? Shh, it’s okay.”

Kurapika could hear (Name) talking in a low, soothing voice. He peeked through the crack in the door to see Killua holding onto her, his head on her shoulder. He was blubbering nonsense, his tears soaking into her tshirt.

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you alone again, promise.”

‘Leave him alone again? What is she talking about?’

“It… it happened again. Another nightmare about when you…”

(Name) shushed him and scooted over. “Come on, it’s late. You can just sleep with me tonight.”

Killua climbed in without a second thought, clinging onto her like a child would his mother.

“I thought this might happen. You were anxious tonight, right?”

Killua nodded slowly as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Yes… sometimes I remember that day and… can’t stop thinking about it.”

She sighed. “I really wish you would let me enroll you in some therapy. Could do you some good.”

Killua was silent, (Name) realizing he’d fallen asleep. She hummed softly and continued to play with his hair until she fell asleep too.

Kurapika watched the two with soft eyes. She was holding onto him so tenderly, even in her sleep. It was clear the two had bonded greatly between the time Kurapika had seen them last.

‘And… they’re hiding something from me. Something big enough to have traumatized Killua.’

He walked back down the stairs, spotting Gon standing in the hallway.

“Did Killua go to sleep with (Name)?” Gon asked. Kurapika nodded.

“Yes, they’re both asleep now.”

Gon sighed, pushing some hair out of his face. “Sometimes Killua wakes up from some awful nightmares, and the only one that can calm him down is (Name). Something… something happened. I’m not sure what, but Killua was really hurt by whatever it was, and he won’t tell me.”

Kurapika reached out a hand to pat Gon’s shoulder. “It’s not easy telling others about the things that have hurt you. It may take him a while, but I’m sure he’ll open up to you eventually.”

‘If I was around a little longer, maybe they would tell me too.’

He walked back to bed after saying goodnight to Gon. It was 1 am now, meaning he’d have to be up in four hours for a few phone calls before leaving to go shopping with the group.

——————

“Alright everyone, let’s split up to cover more ground. Killua, you’re coming with me. Kurapika, Gon is with you.”

The group were at a local grocery store. Killua had been quiet all morning, clinging to (Name)’s side sleepily.

“I’ll text you the grocery list, okay?”

Kurapika nodded. (Name) walked away hand in hand with Killua, laughing when he leaned against her. “Aww, still sleepy? You can take a nap when we get home.”

The two watched them leave before Kurapika sighed. “He sure is being clinging today.”

Gon nodded, placing a box of cereal into the shopping cart. “Yeah, he usually is after he’s had a nightmare. It’s like he’s scared she’ll disappear or something.”

Kurapika bit his lip. ‘Does his nightmare have something to do with (Name)?’

Kurapika jumped at the sound of his phone going off, realizing it was just the grocery list (Name) had sent them.

The two finished the list easily, meeting back up with the two at the cash register. They checked out, and drove home.

“Okay, I’m going to pick up Leorio, you boys start packing your bags. Killua, you go get a nap. I’ll pack your bag later.”

Killua shook his head and held onto her sleeve. “I’ll go with you.”

Kurapika blinked at the way (Name)’s eyes softened, her hand cupping his cheek. “Oh, of course. Come on.”

He followed her to the mom van, climbing into the front seat.

Kurapika and Gon watched them leave. “It must of been bad for him to still be so clingy.” Gon said, a worried look on his face.

Kurapika nodded.

The two left to pack in their respective rooms. Kurapika packed using the small black suitcase gifted to him by (Name).

Killua and (Name) were back within 30 minutes, Leorio with them now. He seemed to be talking softly with (Name) and Killua, having that same soft look (Name) had when Killua had a nightmare.

‘Leorio must know as well.’ Kurapika thought, frowning.

He knew that they all had grown closer while he was gone, but they’d never been the types to keep secrets from him. Kurapika couldn’t be angry though, he kept plenty of secrets from them.

Leorio walked in, pulling a suitcase behind him. “I haven’t been to the beach since the Hunter Exam! I can’t wait!”

(Name) giggled, Killua following close behind her. He kept a hand on her shirt, and hadn’t said a word since he said he was coming with her earlier.

“I ordered some takeout for dinner. Let’s all do some cleaning up before we have to leave in a few hours. I’ll be folding laundry.”

She handed out brooms and gloves to everyone as she went and sat on the couch, beginning to fold the laundry she had recently washed.

Killua lied his head on her lap and slept as she folded. No one complained, it seemed everyone could tell he’d had a rough night.

“Are you excited, Gon? I know you come from an island but-“

“Yep, I’m very excited!! Last time (Name) took us to the beach, Killua got super sunburnt, it was pretty funny.”

Kurapika snickered. ‘So he gets sunburnt easily?’

“I don’t think you have any right to be laughing when you’re as pasty as Killua.”

Kurapika blinked at Leorio. “Oh. I guess you’re not wrong, I have been… inside more lately, I guess. No time to get a tan.”

He glanced at himself in the mirror again. Slowly fading dark circles under his eyes, a pale face. He didn’t find himself particularly attractive, he wandered why (Name) had called him pretty so many times.

“Well you’ll have plenty of time to soak in the sun when we’re at the beach!” Gon clapped him on the back, smiling.

“You always know how to cheer someone up, Gon.”

The blonde ruffled Gon’s hair as he laughed.

“Alright you two, get to work. I don’t want (Name) having to pick up your slack.”

Gon and Kurapika stuck their tongues out at Leorio before starting their work.

———————

After eating an early dinner, the group piled into the mom van. Leorio was driving, with Kurapika in the passenger seat. Although killua was doing better after his nap, he still requested that (Name) sit next to him in the car. She didn’t seem to mind at all, something that made Kurapika sigh softly.

“Wouldn’t it be more comfortable for you in the front seat? You get motion sickness, right?”

(Name) laughed. “I’m surprised you remembered that, Kurapika, but I’m fine! It’s not that long of a drive anyways.”

He didn’t argue with her, there was no point. When (Name) decided to do something for someone else, it was hard to convince her otherwise.

The group began their drive, Leorio watching the road and singing along to some random pop song on the radio. Kurapika didn’t want to admit it, but he was also excited to spend some time under the sun and in the waves.

It didn’t take long for them to reach their destination, just two hours.

The group left the mom van and began to unpack.

“Why did we bring groceries with us? Couldn’t we just shop here?” Gon asked as he carried the ice chest inside.

“Well this place probably has higher prices because of how many tourists there are, so it’s better to bring food from home.”

Kurapika nodded. “Yes, that makes sense. I’m glad you thought of that, (Name).”

She perked up from his compliment, happily strolling inside with Killua close behind.

The cabin was nice, with three bedrooms. The first was the master bedroom, with a queen sized bed, bathroom, and walk in closet.

“This one is mine!” (Name) said with a smile. No one argued.

The second room had two queen sized beds and a large dresser.

The third room had a bunk bed, a trunk full of beach toys, and a small bathroom,

“There’s also an extra bathroom down the hall, with a shower and bath.”

Of course, Killua and Gon claimed the bunk beds immediately, leaving Kurapika and Leorio with the second room.

“Everyone get unpacked and sleep. We’re getting up early tomorrow!”

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mr2swap · 2 years ago

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Take it easy son!

-Okay dad, you already had fun and relived your time of youth and glory now give me back my body and my life or I'll tell mom about the statue you used to exchange our bodies, I know you keep it in the safe in your office! -

I can't believe that my father fucks me like that, he tricked me into touching his fucking magic statue to exchange our souls and have fun with my life and my youth, being a fucking old man sucks I thought it would be fun at first like in the movies and I would learn to see the world with a new perspective but every day I wake up with a backache that doesn't stop until I fill my mouth with a dozen pain medications, my father neglected his body and now I have to live with his huge belly, his thick mustache and with his painful infection every time I go to urinate, my mother has incited me to go to the doctor but I will not let anyone see the tiny and dysfunctional cock that now hangs from my obese crotch.

I have no fucking idea how to do my dad's law job every day all I do is go to his job and drop my fat ass on my dad's office chair for 8 hours and pretend he worked at the computer so that my mother doesn't suspect anything, I have tried all the combinations that I can think of to try to get the fucking statue out of its safe, reverse the exchange and return to my body but I have tried all the possible dates since mom's birthday up to mine and nothing seems to work.

and while he has fun using my fit body to fuck a bunch of random girls and guys in my old room, partying with my friends, and winning my track meet thanks to my long hours of training I sit on the stands next to my mother watching as he shows off my muscular body flexing his biceps to the public after winning first place.

-Wow! take it easy son, there's no need to tell your mother our little secret, she's only been in your body for a couple of weeks, listen, I'll make it up to you when we change again, your birthday is near, isn't it? How would you like to have a new car? I think it's time to change that junk car you have for something better, it's a bit embarrassing to have to move around in that coffin with wheels-

“HEY DAVID ARE YOU COMING? OR ARE YOU GOING TO TALK TO THAT OLD MAN ALL DAY?”

The voice in the distance almost made my heart stop, Monica my girlfriend was sitting in the backseat of my old car with my best friends and her girls, I had not seen or talked to her since my father put me in his obese 250-pound body.

-look, son, we'll talk later, I have things to do…- She ran out using my long and muscular legs and jumped into my car, and left without looking back. leaving me standing there in the middle of the field like an idiot while my mother slowly came up behind me.

-Hey Joe, are you ready to go? I want to go to the mall to try on some shoes for church before I go home- I looked at my old mother who came slowly to kiss my fat cheek and take my hand to walk with her back to dad's truck.

I sighed and walked with her swinging my hairy belly until I got to the car, I just hope my dad doesn't make any more excuses to give me back my body, My parents' wedding anniversary is near and I don't even want to think about what he has prepared for me. mother... maybe I should buy him a gift with my dad's credit card in case my father decides to extend his stay in my body longer, I don't want to make my mother angry and make me sleep on the sofa, my back wouldn't take it.

Hey! You can support me to continue creating stories, see similar stories on my patreon, you can also join my discord if you are interested in role-playing about bodyswap, possession and transformation, m2m!

#bodyswap #body swap #male body swap #body switch #male transformation

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covencupid · 2 years ago

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I Want You (or The Cabin Story)

Fair warning, I wrote this on discord and then copy pasted it onto docs, so if there are some inconsistencies I apologize, but maybe I just like to keep ya on your toes.

BIG THANKS to @mamamemequeen because I pretty much wrote this in the DMs oopsi.

Danny's had his eye on you. He's been finding himself enjoying the times he interacts with you a little too much. He's got to get you out of his system. A little house call. Once that's done it'll be easier for him to go for the kill. Right?

Pairing: Danny Johnson X Fem!Reader. Use of gendered language.

TW/CW: The usual (stalking, manipulation, threats of violence, actual violence) gore, descriptions of torture, corpses, and murder. Psychological horror, child murder (imma need you to hold your judgement on this one, it's not what you think, but it's also not good), hallucinations, descriptions of visual hallucinations.

Tags will be updated as needed, but to be honest I kinda forgot what I put in this.

I will be posting as much as I can in one go, but it's long, so I might have to upload in parts. Yeah, I'm definitely posting it in parts. This is chapter one.

Word Count is 15k+, this was supposed to be a one-shot about y'all fuckin at the drive-in, I don't know how it happened.

Oh one last thing, there is kinda a prequel/backstory part I haven't finished about Danny and "prom". Whatever you think it is, it's probably not gonna be like that.

Sorry one last last thing that I'm seeing now reformatting this from discord to the docs to here is that I kinda wrote Danny and Reader's POV back and forth but a little inconsistent. I will try to make the changes in POV a little clearer with spacing, but I apologize for any confusion!

Your Place // The Cabin // The Woods

~I Want You~

~Chapter One - Your Place~

Danny waited for the perfect night. A storm was coming. The whole neighborhood was snuggled up tight in their big warm beds and you? You were painting your nails while a gorey Japanese B-Movie played on the small tv in your bedroom. You had no idea you were being stalked, hunted like a deer in the forest.

Danny had to stop and take a look at you first, before he went in. He saw you, legs bent to give you a place to rest your hands while you painted them. God, your legs. He watched the light of the film dance off your legs, following the glow that reached your thighs. How it faded as it dipped to the little peek of your ass from the bottom of your shorts where you sat. He swallowed harder than he meant to. He’d have to readjust himself before he continued inside.

Danny waltzed into your home from the back patio door. Unlocked? Baby there’s a killer on the loose. He stepped into the dark entry way, noting how little the sound from your room carried. That would be useful. He eased into your hallway hearing the lovely lilt of your laughter as he neared your door. The sound made him salivate. He plucked a delicate metal frame of a vintage botanical illustration and let it fall to the floor as he swiftly crossed past your door to the opposite end of the hallway. In a second you were out and making your way for the pesky little frame.

“God you little shit!” you scolded the picture. You had complained to your friend about the framed piece you had been gifted that had a nasty little habit of slipping off it’s nail. Always a bit too heavy. Danny breezed into your room while you degraded the drawing of little flowers. Too easy. You’re just letting me right in, huh?

“And you better keep it down out there!” you called out to the frame as you shut your door on the way back. When your head whipped back to your bed your heart jumped to your throat and fell back down to your gut. A howling ghost stared back at you, reclined in your bed, your nail polish in hand.

“H-how did y-you-” you struggled to find your words and he, seemingly mercifully, cut you off.

“Get in? You let me in, sweetheart. Thanks by the way, really saved me time.” You could feel his smug smile radiating from underneath his mask. Dread chilled your veins. You were frozen by the door. As much as Danny enjoyed the doe-eyed look of fear you were giving him, you were too far for his liking. He pat the bed beside him. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

For a moment it felt like you lost all ability to move. You lifted your right foot to take a step forward but your leg unexpectedly shook. Before you could process your involuntary movement you heard a laugh from the hooded figure lounging in your bed. “How can I have your legs shaking when I haven’t even touched you?”

Heat spread across your cheeks, breaking through the ice in your veins. Indignation rising in your chest.

“You- You’re a murderer! Showing up here in my bed, I’m gonna be scared! It has nothing to do with- I am not-” The words flowed out from your mouth faster than you could string them together cohesively. The sound of his rippling laughter cut you off. You wanted to slap him and wipe off the smug look you knew he was wearing. He crossed his arms

“Hey! Do I look like a threat to you? I’m just hanging out here. Lookin for a manicure, and maybe a better movie.”

You scoffed. “I can see your knife holster from here, not exactly “hanging out” gear. And for the record Blossom of Blood is a cult classic, not that you would know anything about it.”

Danny leaned forward. “First of all, how do you know I’m not just happy to see you? Second, no. You’re thinking of Bloody Blossom, what you’ve got is the cheap knock off made ten years later. Get your facts straight before trying to get all snobby with me.”

You mouth gaped open and closed like a fish. The nerve of this psycho to break into your home and lecture you about your movie choices.

“Hey” The aforementioned psycho snapped at you. Patting the bed next to him more aggressively. You inched your way closer to him. You felt uneasy looking down at him the moment you reached the bed. He sat comfortably nestled in your plush pillows, using a stuffed animal to prop up his arm. You wanted to beat him over the head with it. It would likely be your final act on this earth, but you felt you would feel at peace. “Sit.” There was no space for argument in his tone. Not exactly a command, but still decidedly firm. You sat where he told you to and began to look intently at your hands, gripping each other tight. From your periphery you could see the black mass of his form lean in to loom over you. You felt him delicately take your chin between his thumb and forefinger with his gloved hand. The skin on your arms pricked up with goosebumps. He’s turning your head to look at him as he’s telling you in a sing-song tone “look at me”.

You stare, wide eyes welling up with tears you wanted to keep hidden, into the black holes of his mask. You wish to look so far into them to reach the eyes you felt boring into you. As your eyes remained locked on him, he plucked your hand from your own grip to place the bottle of nail polish in your palm.

“Go on.” he said as he reclined back into your bed, crossing his feet as he extended a gloved hand out at you.

“Uh- you want me to-?” you looked between the bottle of polish and the masked man before you.

“I said I’m here for a manicure, sweets. Come on and make it nice or ya know…” he wiggled the hunting knife in your face. You gasped and grabbed his other hand in an instant. He chuckled as you held his large gloved hand with your comparatively small one. You held the polish right next to it. Does he want me to take off his glove? Paint the fingers? No, right?

Sensing your conflict, he wiggled his fingers in your face. “You can take it off.” He teased.

You put the polish down beside you as you worked the glove off his hand. You placed it on your lap. You felt hot, feeling his eyes rake over you as you gently held his hand, surprisingly warm. The tips of your fingers lightly grazed over his and felt the callouses there. You felt flushed. A killer walks into your room at night… and he tells you to paint his nails? He’s insane. You laid his hand on your lap as you picked the bottle of black nail polish back up and twisted the top off. You held the bottle between your thighs and picked his hand back up slightly. Your hands shook slightly as the applicator neared his nail bed. When you finally laid the first coat down you felt like you could breathe a sigh of relief.

Danny, feeling your unsteady breath reach the top of his hand, blurted out “Don’t fuck up!” quick enough to make your heart jump.

“Fuck! Don’t do that, that’s gonna make me fuck up!” You gripped his hand a little tighter. The feeling of your soft, warm hands on his sent a wave of heat course through him. He chuckled. As you were about to paint the next nail he quickly pulled his hand back and held it in front of you. A small sound of annoyance got caught in your throat. He reached his hand back out to you but pulled it back when you reached for it. You were getting flustered. The way your brows knotted together as the speckles of blush played on your cheeks was just delightful. It was so easy to work you up. He extended his hand out to you again. You stared at him for a second before going to reach back out for him. You looked between his hand and himself in rapid fire succession until you went to get his hand. In an instant he went to whip back his hand but you slammed your free palm into his and gripped his hand firmly until his fingers softly folded over yours. His fingertips rested on the back of your hand. A soft, self satisfied smile danced on your lips as you plucked the applicator back up to paint the next nail. Danny felt the grip you maintained on him. Firm, warm, tender. As you painted the rest of his nails, his thumb slowly ran along the side of your hand, down to graze your wrist. You just needed his thumb, but it continued it’s slow glide along your skin. What were you feeling? Annoyance for sure, he wants something done and won’t even stop moving to let you do it. But the way his thumb caressed the stretch of skin he was able to reach, you felt a flutter in your belly. Stop, what are you even thinking. His hunting knife is dangerously close to his free hand. But should you tell him to stop? Should you try painting it as it teases the delicate flesh of your wrist? Should you tell him he has to stop, so you can paint his nail. And then? Let him continue? Let him run the freshly painted hand up your arm, up to your neck, down to your- Stop. Just. Stop, what are you thinking? This is a monster, in your bed, in your grasp. Think like you want to make it out alive.

Danny can see the muscles of your throat straining as his thumb stroked up and down. It was getting harder to just have you there sitting in front of him. He was beginning to need to close the distance between you. He noted how intently your eyes watched his thumb dance over your skin. You looked entranced, he wanted to see that pretty face up close. Danny thought about his options. The pros and cons flittered about his head but the most overwhelming image was of you, those pretty legs straddling him as his freshly painted hand gripped the creamy flesh of your thigh. Feeling your palm turn clammy, his grip on your hand turned into a vice as he pulled you down to him with a force that wrenched a yelp from your lips. That was nice. He thought. Oh the sounds you could make for him. His other hand went to grip your waist. Your left leg sat between his as the sudden movement had jerked you haphazardly over him.

“What the fuck?” you managed out as you tried to pull yourself up from the place on his chest where your head landed. He smelled like leather and oak. Something else too, slightly sweet mixed with something metallic. Your free hand helped you gain some leverage on the bed. His hand on your waist went down to pat the side of your thigh.

“Move this over, straddle me.” the words made you blush, this time obvious and bright.

You sat uneasily on his lap, scared to put your full weight on him. Modesty? How cute. Danny mused as he grabbed you by your hips and forced you to sit on him. A little gasp escaped you from the force. Danny was drinking you up. The incredulous look on your face, the way your hands fell to his chest for stability. Fuck. Restraint was going to prove much more difficult.

You felt frozen in place. What the fuck. What in the actual ever loving fuck? The screams coming from the movie on your left made it feel all the more surreal. They were pitched up and down and underscored by a synth that harmonized with the wails. Normally this would be your favorite part to point out to the people who you would (force to) watch this with. Usually met with strained smiles and equally strained eyebrows raised to the hairline. You forgave the expression on account of the dizzying fifteen minute chase scene that preceded it. You acquiesced that it was "a bit much" for the casual viewer, but damn was it beautifully shot. God, you wanted to feel normal again. Movies, and painting your nails, your nails. Not the nails of some psycho freak that is making himself comfortable on your bed. He got mud on your sheets. You wanted to reach your hands just a bit forward, just enough to reach his neck and strangle him. But his chest felt broad, sturdy, and his grip felt strong. You didn't like your odds in that fights. He didn't feel threatening though, hunting knife aside. He felt like a boyfriend trying to turn a movie date frisky. God, what are you even thinking. Be normal for the love of everything good.

You defaulted to your brand of normalcy. "The screams in this scene were pitched up and down according to their tone. If you pay attention you can hear that they added a synth to subtly harmonize with the screaming." The words just tumbled out of your mouth thoughtlessly. You weren't even looking at him. Your eyes were locked on the screen glowing bright with scenes of carnage.

For all of the cruelties Danny had doled out, this was true torture. With the glow of the television illuminating her, she looked absolutely divine astride him. He wanted to see those pretty lips part and recite his name like a prayer, instead he heard her mumble out a little fun fact about the movie he was currently ignoring. He wanted to see those lips move again, closer this time. Danny grabbed at her wrists and pulled her down to be inches away from the mask that hid his cheeky grin. Her forearms were resting on his chest, her hands gripped in fists under his chin. "Tell me again, about your movie."

No, no, no. This is not normal, we are actively walking far, far away from normal. Fuck, he's got my hands restrained. His grip is so strong. The angle he had brought you down to made you arch your hips down. Is that? Oh. You felt him. You wanted to ignore it, to ignore him. The masked killer that was terrorizing your town, a man reacting to you atop him. Your body reacting to being on top of him. What are we doing here? What are you even thinking right now. This is not the time for biological responses, he's a killer! He's not a regular guy.

He pat your thigh at your lack of response. "Hello? Movie? Synths and screams?" You felt his fingers flutter at your hip. You tried to collect yourself.

"Right they- uh the director had them mix in synths kind of like a vocoder to play ben-" a sudden movement jolted you out of your train of thought. He had rolled his hips up as he lifted his legs up. The movement, deliberate and drawn out, elicited a yelp in response from you. With the way it had pressed against your most sensitive spot, the squeak you let out had been dangerously close to a moan. A fact that Danny noted instantly.

"Just trying to get comfortable, sorry go on." he acknowledged as he adjusted his grip on your wrists with his left hand while giving your hip a reassuring pat with the other.

Danny's game with his little pet was having an unexpected effect on him. He had anticipated getting a bit worked up with you. A little edging, if you will. Just playing with his food, nothing serious. But the more Danny played this game, the more he felt he didn't want it to end. Looking at her struggling to form words, he wanted to watch her forget the entire English language underneath him. He let his right hand meander back up to her waist, the glove that remained encompassing the last of his strength of will to not flip her onto her back and fuck her right there. No, no, Danny. Let her talk, or at least try to.

What were you talking about? Right, the fucking movie. "The...movie vi- the cinematographer on this... he only made car commercials before this." You felt him chuckle. A rumble you felt pass through your own chest, down to your belly, down further.

"That's not what we were talking about." You could hear his smile through the mask. You were stumped. You felt trapped in his gaze. Your mind felt like it was turning to mush by the second. "The synths? The vocoder...?"

Right, fuck. What was I thinking? You wanted to disappear. You wanted to this all to be some sort of nightmare. Or wet dream. You felt your legs turn to jelly.

"The vocoder, yeah. It was added in underneath the actor's lines because he wanted to make the dialogue sound like it was coming from hell." Your hips ached to move ever so slightly, to tease him back. Getting comfortable, my ass. Nothing about this felt innocent, of course it wasn't. He broke into your home and made you straddle him. What exactly did you think this was going to be?

Focus on her words, Danny. What's she saying? She could be speaking in tongues by now for all he cared. All that mattered was the way he felt her belly press down on him as she breathed and how her legs had splayed further to accommodate him. Danny didn't exactly have an end goal for this night, but when he felt her hips rock a bit her fate was sealed in stone. This night would end, but their game wouldn't. Besides he still had another hand she needed to paint. He met the movement of her hips by using the hand at his waist to help prop both of them up. The hand that held her wrists now supporting her back. The space between them smaller than ever before. He could almost taste her. He had to. He used the thumb of his gloved hand to hike up his mask up to reveal his jaw. Without a second thought, he held the back of her head and pulled her into an all consuming kiss.

You had thought you made a mistake, trying to match him. You went to far, goaded the bull. Now he was going to kill you. When he hoisted the both of you up you thought he was about to deal his killing blow, maybe slash your throat as you sat upright. The strike never came. Instead, he stopped your heart another way. It had barely registered in your mind that you were actually seeing his lips, seeing a part of his face, before they came crashing down on you. He had taken advantage of the way your mouth gaped open in shock when he had lifted you up to let his tongue explore the inside of your mouth. It was far more pleasant than death. He was kissing you like he wanted to devour you whole but had to restrain himself. It would be easier to just let him, and just sit there numbly in his hands. But the way his tongue darted in your mouth you felt compelled to chase after him. Your tongue met his with an equal measure of primal instinct. You wanted to familiarize yourself with the taste of his mouth.

Damn this girl. Danny wanted her to fight him on this. Not for the sake of having her struggle, though there was a measure of thrill in that. He wanted an excuse to be annoyed with her. To want to be done with her. Instead she paid him back in kind, her hands resting on his chest inching up to his shoulders. This night was supposed to make it easier for him to kill her off later. Get his rocks off a bit without leaving evidence to find later. Instead that raw, needy feeling that built up inside him when he saw her only continued to grow. This hunger would not be sated, could not be. It would only continue to fester the more he was apart from her. The only way to keep it under control would be to keep her within arms reach. No distance to make the heart grow fonder, only tight, close proximity to make the crushing feeling turn suffocating. Then he would be tired of her, then he could be rid of her. But for now he had to get her out of here, back somewhere he could really stretch his legs. It almost pained him to break from a kiss so decadent. She wore a dreamy, almost dumbstruck expression, with a flushed face and plush, swollen pink lips to match. He wanted to drink her up.

"After all that you're gonna think I'm a real dick for this, but you'll learn to forgive me." Her drowsy expression gave way to a look of confusion. A silent question answered by an equally wordless blow to the side of her head. Light's out. "Sorry, doll. Gotta move the sleepover to my place."

#ghostface x you #ghostface x reader #dbd ghostface x reader #ghostface dbd #danny johnson x y/n #danny johnson smut #danny johnson x reader #danny johnson #danny jed olsen johnson #dbd ghostface #dead by daylight #Spotify

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allthishumanityforfree · 21 days ago

Note

time for my analysis: Paul is struggling with his identity a lot. many things contribute to this: the vision of his future (children and family), his background in a very masculine & sports environment, the desire for a great golden career (we know he is competitive).

all this clashes with the reality he finds: his queerness which he was aware of (but fell into an environment that make him want to explore it more), a lifestyle that makes it hard to have a stable and traditional family (due to work obligations), after Gladiator you can see that big Hollywood movies are not for him, that he struggles with promotion and maybe this "great career" is not for him either, that the theater is his home.

it is never easy when you are looking for who you are and he still is. before Paul settles down he has to decide who he is and what he wants because for now all I can see is a lost man.

PS recently I saw an interview from All of us… era in which Paul said he did not remember looking at Andrew like that and that it was their chemistry and the character he played, not him. and I wonder how it is possible that an actor who is supposed to consciously act and make conscious decisions about his body & movements does not remember or does not realize that he is just pretending to be sexually attracted to someone. maybe it was not a character and he was trying to explain it to himself. maybe he confuses love with friendship, after all those years of watching romances on screen and idealizing them…

Lets go into 2025 with my gossip and theorizing on here and Discord not in space where he can read it.

This analysis is pretty spot on to me. I absolutely agree that he grew up in a super masculine, sporty environment which can be hard for a queer theatre kid (which is how he reads to me)

He had admitted it was pretty full of joky slurs. I do also think he wants a family, that man is so dad coded in ways men in their 20s should not be. Idk why he is dating G though, he needs a nice older Irish lady to settle down with tbh (before anyone starts, I do not match this description).

For sure, Paul doesn't know who he is and soaks up a bit of the culture of his partner. Look at Phoebe and then Andrew, he took on their dress sense, interests and friends.

Okay, this quote is so interesting. I remember this being a really early sign to me that they were something more. This part of the AOUS tour made me go back and perceive them. I read it as Paul thought he was acting with Andrew, but looking back he sees that he might have actually fell in love/fancied him. I always read that that Mescott thought it was character bleed but later in 2023 actually realised, with distance, it was not.

#asks #mescott

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startrekfangirl2233-writes · 2 years ago

Text

Does Your Mother Know?

Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell x Reader

Description: You've always been a wanderer - wild of spirit and wild at heart. It figures that you marry a wanderer yourself. So when the two of you are finally in the same place, you capitalize on the opportunity. It doesn't help, though, that all of your husband's aviators seem intent on flirting with you. So you have fun with them.

Warnings: None. This is just cute. Mentioned Hannix

Word Count: 2539

A/N: This is another Discord fueled thought. This time, it's brought to you by ABBA and the movie Mamma Mia! It's a cute (I think so anyways) fic about how the Daggers find out Mav is married!

Also when did Maverick enter my Masterlist?

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

My Masterlist

It's a hot summer night in San Diego. The Hard Deck's got all of the windows and doors open and you're quite content to sip on the colorful cocktail in front of you while you watch the Naval Aviators swan about. You've been coming to the Hard Deck since before Penny bought the place, enjoying the low-key dive bar charm of the place. San Diego’s always been home for you, no matter where your life and career take you.

You love going to bars, really you do. But after months away on a book tour, right now your favorite place for a drink is in your house with your legs thrown over your husband's lap. He makes the best margaritas and you're a simple woman. He's really all you need. Isn't that a jarring realization? Your younger self would be calling you boring right now. You'd spent most of your twenties, thirties, and the better part of your forties jet setting around the world. When your friends were getting married and having kids, you were volunteering in the Serengeti or writing a book in Paris. Sure you've had your fair share of flings, but you never expected to find anyone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with.

Then an aviator with a heart of gold and an ass perpetually on fire laid a line on you in a dingy bar in Italy where you were trying desperately to finish the next chapter of a book for your publisher. Pete took your breath away with just a few words and you found yourself in a committed relationship for the first time in years. It had been a little disjointed, your relationship bouncing from coast to coast as the two of you snatched the odd moments together. In truth, you loved that Pete was as free roaming as you were. So the two of you made it work. You didn't even need to think to agree to marrying him when he popped the question a year into your relationship.

Nearly four years of marriage later, and your husband is still the sexiest man you've ever met, even when he's driving you crazy by pulling crazy maneuvers strapped into the cockpit of a plane. Which is what relocated the both of you to San Diego a few months ago. He'd been at a top secret site out of China Island for a while, doing something he couldn’t tell you about. You didn't care so long as he was safe.

When everything went down with first the Darkstar (which you're not supposed to officially know about) and then the Uranium Mission (also something you shouldn't know) shortly after, you put your foot down. It had been too close to losing the love of your life. That's what Pete is. Even though he's 15 years older than you, he's your heart and soul. This time when the promotion came across his desk, Pete had taken it, you know, more so for your sake than his own. So you finally settled back in San Diego, making the house Pete bought in the 90s a home and enjoying having Pete around permanently.

The permanent station had also meant getting to know Pete's squad. But with book signings and your book tour right after the Uranium Mission, you never got the chance. At least, that is, until tonight. You're still a bit tired, as you've only been home for a couple of days. But Pete had been dragged out for drinks with his squadron, his kids really, and you promised you would meet him at the Hard Deck so you could meet them. You've only met one of his aviators before and that's because you have his life in pictures in a photo album and in Pete's hangar in the Mojave. Bradley’s his kid, so of course you’ve met him.

Pete had told you he'd find you in an hour. It's been a bit longer than that, so you start to look for him in the crush. You’re not the tallest woman in the world, and honestly, neither is your husband the tallest man. You like to joke that he’s perfectly sized for you just as you are for him. Penny's rushed off her feet at the bar, so you can’t even ask her if she’s seen him. So you decide to give it a few minutes before you try again. Just as you settle back down into your bar stool, a body muscles up to the bar next to you. You brace yourself for the inevitable line this young man is going to lay on you.

"Penny, m'dear? Can I get another Stella for myself and a second of whatever the pretty lady is drinking?" That's a Texan twang if ever there was one. This must be the irascible Hangman. You sneak a look at him from over the rim of your cocktail glass and wait to see if he's going to bite at an older woman looking at him. To his credit, he doesn't recoil at all. You smile at Penny when she quirks an eyebrow in his direction as she drops the drinks off. You make a shoo-ing motion with your fingers and settle in for the ride.

"So…" He's smiling sunnily at you, every inch of those pearly whites bared at you. "What brings a gorgeous lady like you to a bar like this?"

You snicker a little at the compliment. Oh, if only he knew. "I've been coming to the Hard Deck for years, kid."

He barely flinches at your nickname for him, continuing to flirt shamelessly as you sip on your drink. You reach your limit when he puts a hand on your thigh. You push it away before drawing the straw between your red lips. If there's one thing your age has taught you, it's how to wear lipstick that stays put. Looking at this flirtatious young thing, a classic song comes to mind.

"You're so hot, teasing me. So you're blue, but I can't take a chance on a kid like you. It's something I couldn't do."

You place one manicured hand against his stomach, lightly tracing your fingers over the rigid muscles.

"There's that look in your eyes. I can read in your face, that your feelings are driving you wild. Oh, but boy, you're only a child." With every word that drops from your lips, you lean closer. You can see him flush darker until he gulps.

To his credit, he doesn't quit though, "So does that mean I have a chance?"

"Well I can dance with you honey, if you think it's funny. But does your mother know that you're out?"

He chuckles awkwardly before turning tail and running away. He starts up a flustered conversation and you see Pete's entire squadron face you while you're sitting at the bar. You give them a cheeky wave and a wink and that's when you see them make the plot to try seducing you. What else could it be?

The next aviators to come up to you certainly are a gorgeous duo. Payback and Coyote if you remember correctly from the last pictures Pete had shown you. If you were about 20 years younger you'd be all over them, but no. Now, Pete's the only man for you. Even so, it's flattering all the same as Payback approaches you first to lay on lines about how you're a class above any other girl in the bar. It's true, you are, if only because you're completely besotted by a man who is a class above any and all of the kids swarming the place.

Your voice is playful and flirty as you respond. "I can chat with you baby, flirt a little maybe. But, does your mother know that you're out?"

He gives up at your coolly amused tone, retreating back to his friends avidly watching the show.

Coyote takes it a step even further, leading you onto the dance floor. You're happy Pete has your phone and wallet because you won't be leaving them on the bar. He's a good dancer, Coyote is. At least until he starts pushing in even closer to you. You tip your head up seductively, and purr into his ear, "Take it easy. Take it easy, better slow down, boy. That's no way to go. Does your mother know? Take it easy. Take it easy, try to cool it, boy. Play it nice and slow. Does your mother know?"

You're not expecting him to blanche outright at your words, though. Of course, when you turn to face the aviators, you see Pete in their midst, horribly unhappy and glaring at Coyote with the entire weight of his disapproval. You just wink at him and grin when he gets the point, smirking at you having your fun.

When you move back to the bar for a soda, it's Fanboy who walks up to the bar to shoot his shot. These young aviators. You'd despair of them if you didn't know their type so intimately by now. When they make a bet, they have to win. Fanboy's tactic is to be seductive in Spanish, trying and failing to ply you with sweet nothings. You drag your eyes up and down, smiling. He's really a cutie. But not your type.

"I can see what you want, but you seem pretty young, to be searching for that kind of fun. So maybe I'm not the one." Your voice is amused as you trail your fingers teasingly down his cheek before sending him away with a pat on his ass.

The aviators cheer when he joins them. Of all the men, only one is left, the sweetheart wearing glasses you know has to be Bob. He takes the most encouragement before he carefully makes his way up to you.

“I’m sorry about them, ma’am.” He’s really very cute. He blushes all the way to his ears when you grin at him. For Bob alone, you make a concession, tugging him close, kissing his cheek so it leaves a crimson lip print before murmuring into his ear, “Now you're so cute, I like your style and I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile. Oh, but boy, you're only a child.”

You drag Bob out onto the dance floor, smiling as he stumbles over his feet as you dance with him. He’s even hesitant to set his hands on your waist. You take mercy on him and leave him by the pool table. The others are giving him impressed looks as you move back to your empty bar stool. That's when you see Bradley finally make his way to the pool tables. He’s dressed in his traditional uniform of jeans shorts and open Hawaiian shirt over a white tank. You watch Bradley’s eyes light up as he adds his money to the pot Pete’s standing guard dog over and stands by his side waiting for whoever is left to go.

The only aviator other than your de facto step-son left to try flirting with you is the sole female in the group. The incandescent firebird herself. If there is an aviator that both Bradley and Pete both love to chat to you about, it’s Phoenix. You can see the way she changes her entire posture within a few steps. When she loosens her hair from its bun, you know it’s not Natasha Trace who walks up to you, it’s Phoenix. She’s smiling seductively and you grin fondly at the younger woman. The first thing she does is flag Penny down.

“Hey, Penny!” She’s smiling sweetly.

“Hey, Natasha!” Penny exchanges a look with you as you sip on your cocktail.

“Can I get twenty-four shots of tequila please?” You wince at the thought, having had too many tequila hangovers during your youth.

“Are you sure, Natasha?” Penny’s eyebrows are sky high as she lays the shots down on a tray. But while you’re expecting her to carry the tray back to the pool tables, she stops and downs one shot, then two, then three. That’s when you stop her with a hand on her forearm.

“Whoa, there. Take it easy. Take it easy. Better slow down, girl. That's no way to go.” You push a glass of water to the younger woman. But she just smiles at you stubbornly and downs another shot.

“Nope. M’not stopping. Not until you give me your phone number.” She downs one more, and you wrap an arm around her waist.

“Take it easy. Take it easy. Try to cool it, girl. Play it nice and slow.” You grab the tray in your other hand and stagger her over to where Bob is waiting with a pulled out chair. You leave Phoenix there and turn towards the final pilot to try to seduce you.

“What about you, kiddo? D’you want to try too? Or should I name the winner of your bet?”

Bradley’s smirking at you.

“Dance with me?” He proffers a hand to you as the jukebox begins to play the same song you’ve had running through your head all night. The first thrumming beats of bass send your blood racing. You grin as Bradley leads you into a whirling dance, nearly rushing you off your feet. When the song runs out, he wraps an arm around your shoulder and leads you back over to the pool tables.

“So, who won, ma’am?” You grin at Hangman. “Hey, Brad! Does your mother know that you’re out?”

“Well, seeing as how you’re my godmother and you’re standing right there, I guess she does.” You can’t resist cracking up at the gobsmacked look on the aviators’ faces as they look between you and Bradley like you’ve grown a few extra heads. Pete presses a kiss to your forehead and tugs you close. You peck his lips and rest your left hand against his chest. That’s when Phoenix finally sees the wedding ring.

“Bagman, seriously?!” She’s fuming. “You started this whole-ass bet not noticing that she was married?” She staggers up out of her chair and smacks at his chest weakly. You can’t resist your smile as the bigger man wraps her up in his arms and she goes willingly.

“Pretty sure they’re head over heels for each other.” You whisper that into your husband’s ear grinning at the fond smile Hangman gives Phoenix as he sets her back into the chair and presses water into her hands. This time, you note amusedly, the stubborn little thing actually begins dutifully sipping from the tall glass.

“How do you know, Mrs. Mitchell?” You grin. “Why, Admiral Mitchell, don’t you know? That’s how you look at me, and how I look at you.”

He drags you into a chaste kiss and introduces you officially to his squadron. Bradley’s busy pocketing the cash and you know that you’ve just as easily adopted six more aviators, like your husband had and like you had an inkling you would. So much for any more boring nights. You’ll count yourself lucky if you don’t have to post bail for Pete and one or more of the kids ever again. Though you wouldn't bet on it.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

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sara78 · 2 years ago

Text

Family don't end in blood - chapter 7

Summary: Things finally seem to look up for Y/N and she's looking forward to the little break from filming, she's closing in on the first semester and life is just good, but an unexpected appearance threatens to break down everything she's worked on the past months...

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x foster!daughter reader

Word count: very close to 5,000

Warnings: mentions of abuse, protective!Jensen, angst, so much angst, nightmares, Danneel is honestly the only sane person here

Transcription - Y/M/L - your mother language, Y/H/C - your home country

A/N: This is where things start to build up...

You were finally settling into the routine, the filming, school work, life in general. You finally found balance in your everyday life, and you can definitely thank Jensen for helping you with everything that came up along the way.

You were excitedly counting down the days until you get to go back to Austin and be there for the twins' birthday. You haven't been that excited about something in a long time.

But as of now, you, Jensen, Jared, and Misha are walking to get some lunch. Of course, Jared was being Jared and pulled yet another prank on Misha. And of course, taking in the fact how serious y'all are, Richard got sick and tired of y'alls bullshit and sent you to have some lunch and cool off before continuing with filming, for sake of his as much as yours.

"You are a monster!" Misha exclaimed, Jared laughing,

"I can't believe that what, 12 years later, you still fall for his stupid pranks," Jensen said, all three of you giggling as Misha groaned,

"I just might ask craft and supplies to buy me some popcorn for next time, cause you guys are my favorite movie to watch," you laughed, Jensen's phone ringing,

"Oh, it's Dee. Get me some steak and salad, kiddo. I'll catch up with you guys."

"I'm so gonna put something spicy in his meal," Jared giggled evily,

"Jared Tristan Padalecki woke up and chose violence," you said, Misha rolling his eyes,

"That's his default setting, kid," he stated, Jared nudging his arm playfully,

"Oh I love you too," Jared stated, taking his phone out, "I gotta check in with Gen. I'll take my meal when I make it. You keep a seat for me, kid," he said, ruffling your hair and drifting away as well,

"I'll just drop by and give Sarah my trench coat so that she can wash it up since this is not presentable anymore," Misha said, "Keep me a seat too! Preferably as far from Jared as possible," he called out from the distance, making you giggle as you showed him a thumbs-up, leaving to get some food.

While you were walking to the catering, you pulled your phone out to read over all the texts your friend, well, more sister, sent you. The time zones are kind of messing with your friendship but oh well, it's not like she's a night owl anyways, so you get to text very often. You caught up with all the texts from her and swapped to discord, where you had a group of close friends you'd study with whenever you needed company.

As you were walking you bumped into something, or someone. You immediately turned around after bumping into whatever it was, wanting to apologize for being a clumsy idiot if it was a person you bumped into.

But when you lifted your eyes up from the phone, you froze.

"Watch your steps, whore," a voice called you out, making you gulp. You swore you felt all will to live drained from your body and soul right there and now, as you stared at the person you'd never expect to see here. You were speechless, hands shaking as they put the phone back into your pocket. The person smiled at you evily, making your blood run cold, "Awww, what's the matter? Are you scared of your own mom?" you clenched your jaw, all the anger accumulating in you slowly but surely.

If she left from set without a bloody nose she should consider herself lucky. Everything was coming down but you still didn't know what to do. Do you attack, talk back, run away?

"Since when do you speak English? You don't even speak Y/M/L properly."

"I want to show you that everything is possible. Even me learning this filthy language," she began, "To prove you that you could have done exactly the same. You could have studied and become a scientist in Russia and-"

"Did you seriously travel for more than 30 hours just to tell me all of that shit over again?" you asked, huffing a laugh, "I can't believe this. You're still living in the past. I'm done," you pointed out, "I'm done being a puppet you control. I'm done being a punching bag you take all of your anger out on. I'm done being your daughter. I'm done being related to you. For all I know, I shouldn't be talking to a stranger."

"Drop the bullshit, bitch," she spat out,

"No, I'm not gonna drop it. I've had it up to here with you," you said, gesturing, "I'm done being manipulated and controlled, I'm done being beaten and hurt and called out. I don't deserve what you've done to me. You brought me into this world only to blame me for everything that has ever happened and to make me into this robot you control. I'm not supposed to be what you want me to be. I'm supposed to build my own future and make my own choices, whether right or wrong."

"I see you're still blind," she responded, "Me controlling you? How can you stay blind after all these years? I'm giving you a future!"

"A future?" you huffed, "This is my future. For the next few months, this is my future. My future is to finish high school, to make my own choices and be my own person. My future is to heal from everything you've fed me with. But then, you don't know of the term mental health, so you wouldn't know what I'm talking about."

"Stop being a bitch or I make you shut that filthy mouth of yours," she said, taking a step towards you, making you take a step back as you flinched,

"Yeah, that's how you deal with everything. Beat Y/N up. That's the only card you know how to play."

"You little blind bitch. I'm trying to secure your future, to make you successful!"

"And I can't do that by myself, in a branch I choose? I can't be a successful actress, or a video game designer, or a mathematician or a musician? It has to be medicine, biology, whatever the fuck the thing is on your mind? You are not doing anything but wanting to make me into this super famous person so you can show off to others how smart your daughter is. That same daughter you beat behind closed doors. Have you ever bragged about that? How gentle of a mother you are?"

"KIDDO!" Dean Winchester's voice in full swing echoed in the air and you felt a stone rolling off your heart as you saw him run towards you. He immediately grabbed you for your arm and pulled you aside. Though it was rough, it wasn't meant for hurting you, but for quickly moving you back behind him, where you were safe and out of reach for your mother,

"Oh great. The old fuck."

"Who the hell are you?" Jensen asked,

"Oh, you don't know!" your mother exclaimed, taking a step back. You grabbed at Jensen's flannel and pulled him three steps back with you. Jensen looked you in the eye and you must have had such a scared expression that he immediately dropped the attention on your mother and immediately turned to you,

"Kiddo, who is that?"

"My-my mother," you breathed, feeling your chest tighten up, "She's-she's my mother."

It took Jensen one swift motion to pick you up and settle you on his hip, same way Dean did to your character numerous of times before,

"You're safe. As long as my arms are around you, you're safe. I promise," he whispered.

You couldn't do much but lean your head against his shoulder as you tried to take deep breaths and not go into a panic attack,

"I want you to leave," Jensen spoke up, turning to face your mother, "You have no business being here. Go your own way."

"Oh, but she is my business," your mother spoke up. You shook your head and Jensen squeezed you tighter,

"Oh, look how gentle and soft you are with her. That's how you raise a whiny bastard. My methods haven't worked quite well, unfortunately, as she's still a whiny little bitch."

"Yeah, when you beat your daughter up with whatever comes to hand she craves for a soft touch, something that won't hurt her," he responded,

"What I was doing was raising a strong independent woman. Now, only thing I have left is to kick that bitchy attitude out of her and make her into a scientist so she can finally contribute to this family and be useful for once."

"Oh no, you're not coming near her," Jensen shook his head, "You aren't taking her anywhere."

"Oh sweetie, that's not your decision to make. Besides, I have no problem showing you a few moves I've used on her. I'm sure she'll obey after she revises them with me."

"No," you spoke up, Jensen still holding you tightly, "You're not going to hurt him."

"You be a grown-up and talk to your mother!" she exclaimed. You looked at Jensen, nodding. He gulped, letting you down but tightly holding you, your back pressing against his chest, "Now, about the parenting preferences. Don't you have three kids of your own? You should start using some belt on them if you want them to grow up strong and independent."

"Oh you don't tell me how to raise my children," Jensen growled, "I'm never going to hurt my kids. Whatever they do, I'd never hurt them."

"Oh, you're making a big mistake."

"Yeah, whatever makes you sleep better at night," he responded, "Children cannot in any way be responsible for whatever is happening in your life. Yes, they might break a glass, shatter a window, spill milk, crack their head open, but they are never doing things on purpose and when mistakes happen, you talk to them. You don't 'cure it' with a belt."

"Please, as far as I can tell, Y/N's grateful for my parenting preferences. Right?" you gulped,

"What's going on here?" Misha's voice rang, your mom groaning,

"You fuckers don't know what manners are, do you?" she asked, turning around to face Misha, "Don't interrupt a lady when she talks," Misha looked at her and Jensen was fast to drop on his knees and turn you to face him. You heard Misha talk back but all you were focused on was Jensen,

"Kiddo, hey, you're safe," he told you and you nod, "She's not gonna come near you. Did she hit you?" you shook your head, "You sure?" you nod, "Okay, that's good. How did she find you?"

"I-I don't know. I bumped into her when-when I was walking to-to get food," you stammered,

"Okay, we'll take care of it. Do you trust me?" you nod, "Good. Now, I'm here, and so is Mish, Jared will stumble up here as well. You're safe. We won't let her get you. Okay?" you nod again and he stood up, both returning to the pose you had before Misha showed up.

You could now tell Misha was in a heated argument with your mother.

"STOP!" Jensen exclaimed, Misha moving to stand right next to you. It seemed like he realized who she was and he took a protective pose in front of you as well.

"You know what, I should have hit you harder," your mother spoke, Misha gulping as he looked down to you for a second before looking back up,

"Yeah, mother of the year right here people!" he shot back,

"She's a sixteen year old child. She's got all the rights to be loved and to want a hug and to feel safe. Every single person, no matter their age, should be granted as much."

"She can't even do the right thing to save her life! That's where your gentle parenting bullshit leads. Now, I'm sure she's pretty useless here. Might as well hand it back to me."

"She's not an it," Jensen growled,

"Yeah!" Jared's voice rang and you turned around just in time for him to voluntarily pick you up and settle you on his hip, "She's our kid! So you might as well drop whatever plans you have with her because you'll have to walk over our dead bodies to get her."

"Wow," your mother huffed, "So despearate in need of a dad, you found three! But you never once cared about me, did you? I had to be alone for my entire life because of you! You drove your father away and I never got to be loved!"

"I was never responsible for anything that happened between you two," you yelled out, "Why didn't you abort me if he already didn't want me and you knew he was going to kick you out?"

"Well, I figured to make up for it by making you into a successful scientist and then we can go to him and-"

"So that is your brilliant plan? Rub it in? Do you understand that he has a wife and a daughter he loves. He doesn't care about you or me. And I'm sorry you went through that, but you had options and you chose to give birth to me. I had nothing to do with you and him. I was born and instead of being loved, I was all these years used as a puppet in your master plan of rubbing it in to him."

"What is it that you want?" Misha asked, obviously missing some context,

"Well, that idiot there is coming with me or she's going to suffer."

"I ain't letting her go," Jared spoke up, "So you might as well cross that off your to-do list and reschedule it for never."

"You've got a chance to fix all this," your mother warned you, "I won't beat you hard too."

"No," you spoke, "I'm happy where I'm standing right now and I'm not coming with you."

"Well, you had your choice. I can't wait to see you suffer," she responded, "The exact same way you made me suffer."

"She made you suffer? Because she wants to live her own life, make her own decisions? Or is it because she wants to be loved and cared for?"

"Don't you want what's best for your child?" she countered,

"We all do," Jared said, "But your definition of best seems to drift off from ours."

"We want our children to have a good life. But we don't dictate them," Jensen began, "We don't plan it all out for them. We let them be kids, let them play, learn, enjoy life, fuck up and slam against the wall and help them get back up. They are never going to have a plan they so blindly have to follow. What you wanted to do to Y/N, it's not fair. It's inhumane."

"Why won't you shut that ugly mouth of yours or I make you," she threatened, huffing, "No wonder you fit so well. Shit goes with more shit."

"You keep them out of your dirty mouth," you growled, "You wanna trash talk about me? Do it. Make the whole universe hear how bad of a daughter I am. But you don't dare talk about them like that. You don't know them."

"Oh, and you do? They'll just use you to get popular and then throw you out. That's when it'll hit you and you'll beg to come back," her mother began, "But I won't take you in then. You have one chance, and it's now."

"No."

Your mother gasped, fully not expecting the answer even though she's been given the same answer multiple times,

"W-What?"

"I said no," you repeated, "I told you I'm done. I'm not coming with you. This is where I stand, and I like it here. I'm done with you and your plans for me, for revenge on my father. It's over," you said, "We were getting lunch, guys," you spoke, the three nodding and walking away, brushing past your mother, but not without resistance. She jumped at you, presumably, but Jensen was in the way and had no problem grabbing her and pulling her away while Jared moved quickly, still holding you in his arms and Misha bolted, probably for security.

"You are not," he began, locking arms around her, her long nails scratching his skin, "Going to," he picked her up, "Come near my kid," he took a step back, "Ever again." he growled in her ear, dragging the two of them away, "You wanna make her suffer?" Jensen asked, letting her mother go and she immediately maintained a safe distance from him, "Huh? You wanna make a little kid suffer?" he repeated, your mother bolting to attack him again, long nails managing to get to his face before he grabbed her wrists, "Bad idea. Cause if you touch her, you have a lot of people breathing on your neck. And I am the first one," he said, going into her face. Only thing your mother could do is hysterically scream into Jensen's face until the security showed up and they dragged her away.

As soon as she's being dragged away, Jensen is running to you and Jared and you caught Misha with the corner of your eye. You couldn't be fooled, as all three had terrified expressions on their face,

"She's okay," Jared spoke up as soon as Jensen was within arms length. He took you from Jared's arms and hugged you tightly. You couldn't do much but return the hug and let both of you calm down from your high.

"How did she get through the security?" Misha spoke up,

"She-She probably paid her way in," you responded, going to hug Misha and then Jared, "I'm sorry for causing a scene."

"There's nothing to apologize for, munckhin," Jared shook his head as he squeezed you tightly, giving you one of his famous moose hugs,

"I scared you. All three of you," you responded, looking back at Jensen, "And she hurt you too."

"What's important is that she didn't hurt you," Jensen responded, smiling weakly for you, "Don't apologize. You didn't pick your mother."

"But still-"

"Don't," Misha shook his head, "We're all okay. And Jensen's right. What matters is that you're not hurt."

"What in the ever-loving fuck happened?!" Richard exclaimed as he walked up to you,

"My mother somehow managed to break through the security."

"She's fucking mental!" he exclaimed, "Are you guys okay?"

"More or less," Jensen responded,

"Oh man, get someone to clean that up," Rich frowned, "Listen, if she broke through the security that means we have a rat somewhere around."

"I'll fire the current security and ask Cliff to make me a list of most trusted ones," Jensen said, "I'll set it all up."

"But until that's set up, we're taking a break," Richard said, "I gotta look around people here too. I don't know who she might be working with. I'll need time."

"Guys, really, you don't have to-"

"All of our safety is compromised with that mental bitch loose. Yes, she'll be held for 72 hours or something, and yes we'll press charges, but whatever is the outcome, I have to go through all these people. I have to work with people I know are safe. I don't want insane parents breaking into the set and murders happening, and neither do Jensen and Danneel."

"But we'll fall back with filming," you pointed out,

"We'll be fine. Filming is postponed until February 1st. We have a few episode waiting for production. I order y'all to go home and take a break. You heard me kiddie?" you nod, looking down, not expecting Richard to come up and hug you, "Hey, I'm not mad at you. I can't be mad at you. She's the mental idiot, not you. I'm just glad you're safe."

"Thanks," you whispered, returning the hug,

"Don't thank me. Now go home, all of you."

The first thing Jensen did as he opened the door to his trailer was lead you to the couch and grab a bottle of water sitting on the counter, handing it to you. You took it quietly, your head bowing down.

"Kiddo," he whispered, crouching in front of you, "Kiddo, look at me," he tried but you shook your head.

How can I look at you? I put you in danger. I shouldn't be here.

"Kiddo, this isn't on you."

You gulped.

Of course he knew what's going on in your head. Of course he knew you'd be blaming yourself. And you still couldn't wrap your head around the fact that nobody is blaming you.

But then, they might be as well lying to you.

"We're going back to Austin," he stated and you shook your head,

"I'm not going."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not," you began, finally looking up, "She's going to be out in 72 hours. She's coming after me. Save yourself and go. I'll find a place here and keep quiet until we return to film."

"No," Jensen shook his head, "You're coming with me. You're way safer in Austin than here. Either we both go or we both stay."

"Jensen-"

"No," he said sternly, "I'm not leaving you here."

"Jensen, you heard her. Are you seriously willing to sacrifice the safety of your family just for one person?"

"Yes," he responded, taking you back with it, "Cliff is in Austin. I'll ask him to watch over our place."

"Jensen you don't know her and the lengths she's ready to go. Just let her have her way with me and she'll be gone when she's done."

"Not knowing how far she can go is the exact thing I'm scared of," he pointed out, "You're coming. We're gonna keep you safe, and we'll have fun and think of how to get rid of her, besides suing her."

"I don't want to sue her," you spoke up, Jensen now confused, "I just want her to go back to Y/H/C as soon as possible. Besides, she's most likely not going to show up at the court anyways."

"Okay, but Chaos Machine is suing her, so she'll have some problems up her ass," Jensen said, "Now, we'll go home and pack. We need time to figure things out and if nothing, I'll feel better if all my kids are within arms reach."

"And that's exactly what I meant when I said I don't want to come. I want you to be safe. I want them to be safe. Jensen, I can't afford to be close to you now."

"She can be the queen of England and I still wouldn't give a flying fuck. She's not going to hurt me, nor you nor anyone."

"Y-You can't promise me that, Jense."

"You're scared of her," Jensen sighed, "Which is completely okay. But you're forgetting something. That is, you have me. You have Jared, Misha, you have Dee and little ones back in Austin. We're not going to let her win, kiddo."

"She will win. I know she will. Jense, she has ways and mind twisted like no one else. How far she's ready to go to make someone suffer..."

"Well she isn't counting on you having us and she sure as hell doesn't know I'd go even further to protect you, so she can stick it up where the Sun shines," Jensen said, kissing your temple, "Let's just pack up and go home."

12 hours later

When you step out of the car you are greeted by Danneel's arms wrapping around you to give you a hug. Your brain is such a wreck that you don't even flinch. You just return the hug numbly, everything in your head just too much to handle. Jensen gets a hug as well and you follow the two to the living room where they sit you down.

"Honey, you're safe here. She's not going to come near you again," Danneel tried to assure you,

"I shouldn't be here," you whispered, "I should go to a motel or something. I'm putting you in danger. How can you not see?" you asked, looking up with tears in your eyes, "I don't want to put you in danger. I don't want to put the kids in danger. Why aren't you getting rid of me?"

"Because you're family," Danneel responded, "No matter what she does, we'll go through it together."

"I shouldn't have left you alone," Jensen murmured, totally out of the current conversation,

"No," you spoke up, standing up to go after him after he began walking up and down the room, grabbing his hand and stopping him to look at you, "You don't do that. You don't blame yourself. It's not your fault she's insane."

"It's neither of yours fault," Danneel corrected you as she approached you, "So stop blaming yourselves. She's her own person, she has her own brain with questionable thoughts in it and you cannot in any way make her do anything because she's calling the shots. Now you," she turned to Jensen, grabbing his other hand, "I know you'd probably wipe Y/N from her mother's memories if you'd had the chance to, but you can't. So don't blame yourself for something that you didn't see coming. You can't see into the future. And you," she turned to you, "You're just a child and you're not at fault for having a crazy mother. So don't eat yourself over what happened and don't think about what's to come either. Whatever happens has its own reasons why and we'll go through it together, like a family. Now, I think a nice, warm bath will help you relax. What do you think?" you nod,

"Thanks," you whispered, looking at Jensen who wore the famous 'Dean feels guilty for something he had no control over' face. You shook his hand and he looked down at you, "It's okay."

When you're done with your bath, Danneel was waiting for you with a cup of hot cocoa,

"Here's something to warm up a little before going to sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"I know. I think Jensen's right there with you," she responded, opening the door to their bedroom where Jensen was seated against the headboard, playing with the blanket over him, "How about you two have some alone time and in the morning you'll fill me up?" she said and Jensen nod, taking your hand in his and sitting you down next to him,

"Thanks honey," he whispered, Danneel smiling as she leaned down to kiss his lips,

"Don't thank me," she smiled, planting a kiss to your temple as well before walking away and closing the door behind her.

The two of you sat in pure silence. You didn't know what to say, what could you possibly say to make this whole situation better. You knew Jensen wasn't going to get rid of you, and as much as you appreciated it, part of you really wanted to go and keep him and his family safe.

And Jensen obviously had problems forming sentences since all he did was hug you tightly. And you'd lie if you said you didn't need it. Everything he did the past 24 hours, he and Jared and Misha. You didn't think a loving touch could make all the worst things hurt a little less.

You didn't even realize you were crying until Jensen shushed you gently, assuring you that it's okay to cry. You were so unaware of your own body, surroundings, everything. This all put you back to square one, at the bottom of the hill again. You didn't know how were you going to climb up to the top this time. You didn't think you had energy in you.

"That's what that feeling was," he murmured, "Like you felt her coming, but you didn't know it was her."

"I wish I knew," you responded, sniffling, "I-I wish I knew so I could have avoided her. I'm scared."

"I know, and that's completely okay. We'll keep you safe. She won't get you."

The very next thing you know is you're jumping awake from a nightmare, panting and sweating.

"Kiddo, you're safe," Jensen spoke up, making you whip your head around and gasp at the scars on his face, "You're safe."

"She-she hurt you," you breathed, "No."

"Kiddo, you gotta breathe," Jensen tried, getting ahold of your shoulders, "Look me in the eye and follow my breathing. In. Out."

After a few minutes you came down from your high, still staring at Jensen,

"What was it about?"

"She... She hurt you," you breathed, tears welling up in your eyes, "She-she hit you. Same way she hit me. And-and I was there but I-I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything."

"Shit kiddo," Jensen breathed, "I'm safe. I'm okay. She didn't hurt me. It was just a bad dream. I promise I'm fine. Okay?" you nod, looking down, "Here, drink some water," he handed you the bottle and you gladly took it, downing the content in record time, "You need to take it easy these next few days, okay? No school or anything. You have to put yourself first."

"How do I do that?" you breathed,

"We'll do it together. We still have a few days before the twins birthday. We'll help Dee set it all up and we'll do a lot of movie nights and play and talk. Okay?" you nod, "I think the kids are up. Wanna go say hi to your favorite Ackles?" you smiled,

"Sure."

#jensen ackles fanfiction #jackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles #jensen ackles series #jensen ackles x y/n

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sabrondabrainrot · 1 year ago

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Merry Christmas and TMNT Update!

Merry Christmas everyone! Just some updates but I've been hard in the TMNT brainrot. So first of all I just binged through the first 3 seasons of TMNT 87 AAGH SO GOOD it's so cute I love the boys so much! I finished 12 and WOW what a rush! Leo is the type of brother who would just carve his entire heart out for his family (and he basically does.) Raph is like the best brother, he grows SO much and cares SO much. Donnie is so adorable too, I'm glad he grew out of being a simp. He's a really sweet brother when he's not being like a stalker. Mikey literally saved them so many time just wow, what a lad. I love the dynamics of 12 so much. it's written like a tele-novella soap opera, but I say that only with love.

I'm on season 3 ep 7 of tmnt 03 and I saw Raph meeting a blind old lady who owns a cat and my heart melts, planning to actually rewatch that ep just cause my dogs interrupted the entire episode.

I also got my friend to sit with me and watch the 2007 tmnt movie and the Rise tmnt movies recently and they are literally amazing movies. I really hope Rise wins it's nomination.

I've been taking an obsessive amount of screenshots of tmnt 87 and sending live dms to a friend on discord, and I just wanna share some of my fav screenshots.

I wanted to take screenshots of 03 and 12 and Rise while watching them but the streaming platforms prevent me from taking screenshots.

This was such a cute episode, Michelangelo was so sad to not have money for a boogey board and Raphael towel whipped him and Leonardo in the back trying not to laugh out loud was so funny.

This ep was also great because it just ends with Splinter being stuck in this other dimension and the turtles are like "how do we save him!" and hitch a ride on an alien ship and just follow along and April is like "you can't leave me!" and next thing you know Splinter is shimmying his way to freedom and lands on them.

I don't remember this ep title, but I just think the goobers looking all sad is so cute and funny.

Leonardo was being devious

I took this screenshot too cause they just look so cute and small XD

I love how short and small they are, I just want to squeeze them.

This is the episode that introduced 87 Leatherhead and they went back to Florida, I just think them looking sad while sinking was so funny looking.

I took a million screenshots on birthday boy mikey episode. He's so adorable and sweet. He got sad and ran away from home and was hooked up like this flushomatic torture device and idk it was so silly and so many cute expressions were in this ep.

Just a bunch more super cute moments. Like no one said how they acted when they got sick and I was not ready for them to be begging April and Splinter for attention and baby talking for more care. It was so cute and sweet. I also screenshotted Donnie falling cause his face cracks me up. I still can't get over how they're literally just little babies and April is totally their mom. (she reads them bedtime stories, it's canon)

He was so excited to film a turtle work out video.

This is one of the last frames of the season 3 finale and I think it's so funny they got rid of the Technodrome once and for all by sending them back to dimension X and they don't even look that happy. They're literally being celebrated and look so bummed out about it

BTW I have paramount but they don't have past season 2 available right now so I started watching it on internet archive, it's all there for free if you ever want to get your Cowabunga fix. (it's also why I could even take so many screenshots)

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savedgame · 2 years ago

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My brother has been home for the week and its making me insane. the past year after i graduated school ive been holding random jobs, unable to drive and living from home with no social life outside of my parents and long distance relationships from school. The past month, I lost both my best friend and boyfriend, making the last time I had been around someone who wasnt my parents back in january when he visited me. Ive tried to learn how to control my jealousy and anger because its not my brothers fault he goes through life differently but when he comes home drunk and wakes me up just to tell me the crazy things at the bar I want to killmyself. When he tells me how he and his girlfriend, who he sees and gets to be with everyday, mutually agreed to take a break this summer cause they both have awesome summer jobs, I see red. I think about how I was dumped suddenly because I wanted to stay friends with my other ex, how even that nothing, that long distance whatever where all i had to look forward to was discord calls and good morning texts was taken from me, and then I get called a introvert and buzzkill because i dont want to wake up at 8am to go jogging with my brother. its crazy to me how he can be 21 and not realize that i dont oversleep because im lazy or love sleep, i genuinely do not want to be awake because I have nothing positive to look forward to. no friends, no relationships, cant drive, just waking up to job search. sometimes on a good day i can self medicate with shitty delta8 pens and alcohol, and watch a movie with people through discord. the difference in our lives and the fact that i had to struggle through 12 years of no friends in grade school in order to focus on art and school and to get into a good college has left me with fucking nothing. im hopeful for the future, i know this is just a low point but god i cant take it sometimes, i just wish he understood, just to make this more bearable,

#i always get whiplash cause i consider myself well adjusted medicated etc compared to a lot of people online #because i have better resources im grateful etc #but when i see how he cant simply understand that i have a #nothing life lol thats all i can call it rn #and treat me with some sort of sympathy #i hate how i have to be the bigger person

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servin-up-surveys · 6 months ago

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survey #224

Do you want the last dream you had to come true? No.

When did you last talk to the person you’d most wanna talk to right now? I was talking to him on Discord earlier.

What kind of pill did you last take? My Klonopin that I take daily now.

Do you like wearing glasses? I mean, I don't really care too much, it is what it is, I wanna see, but I'd certainly prefer not needing them. I hate smudged lenses and it'd be nice to not even have frames obscuring my vision. I can't do contacts, especially because my worse eye needs a weighted one and it gave me a headache when I tried contacts again.

What would you most like to eat right now? Fast food, admittedly. We would usually eat out once or twice a week, but in the past... three weeks maybe, we've done it once. I adjust very poorly to change, and without Mom's car, her being extremely financially in the hole, and things like delivery being very expensive, we just haven't been able to. I have had a HARD time adjusting, as much as I hate to admit it. I despise how much I enjoy fast food.

How long were you last in the car for? Around 30 minutes, coming home from Girt's place.

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? I started dating Jason.

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you? A breakup so debilitating and world-shattering that I wanted to die every waking moment for over a year and it culminated in me trying to kill myself. That was all pretty fucking scary.

Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Yes, for both me and my mom. When I was a teenager, maybe for Ashley when she had her POTS fainting/seizure episodes?

Whose pool did you last swim in? A family friend's.

What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? I don't know.

How many different cars have you driven? Two, and one was for driver's ed.

What did you do on Thursday? I just hung around here.

What do you do on Fridays? Ordinarily, help my mom watch my sister's three kids.

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? Girt's car when he brought me home.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? I put it in the laundry.

What movie are you embarrassed to admit you’ve watched? None that I can think of.

Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I wouldn't have to think about this for a moment, hell yes I would.

If you were starving on a freezing mountain, would you eat your friend? Some things aren't worth living after, no.

Does the movie Titanic make you cry? It sure did, haha. I cry VERY easily, though.

Have you ever had an embarrassing period story? If so, what happened? Not that I remember.

Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? I think I'll always miss Megan. I shouldn't. She lied to me about so, so much because she wanted pity from an online friend that couldn't verify she was lying. Forever shoutout to Mazzy for making me face my fear she was bullshitting everyone, Megan admitted to it when I confronted her. Then she just ran and disappeared from my life. I don't think she was some dangerous predator or something, I genuinely believe she was just a kid making a fake life on the Internet to get sympathy from people.

Have you ever thrown up in public, in front of someone else? If yes, was it embarrassing? Yes. Once in true public (in kindergarten), once in front of Girt in an extremely embarrassing show. I don't count my mom, she's almost always present when I throw up because I call for her to be with me. I have an extreme phobia of vomiting and get legitimately terrified when I feel it coming, like my body doesn't know what to do.

Did you ever take your dog to school? Yes actually, I remember bringing my dog Teddy to my 5th grade class one day. I can't remember what the occasion was, though.

Have you ever seen a Broadway show? No.

What by your definition is the naughtiest thing you have done? I am not comfortable sharing that.

Do you like your best friend’s parents? Could you even tell me their names? I only know his mom (who's great) 'cuz his dad died before I ever met his family. Shelia (yes, it's spelled that way) is his mom, Donald Sr. was his dad.

How many fridges are in your house? One.

If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Of course he would, if he was with me.

Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? If I was single, Richard Kruspe and probably Mark Fischbach still. What opposite people, that's an image. 😂 Idk I love Oliver Riedel (another member of Rammstein) too and he's such a sweetheart too, maybe I'd replace Mark with him, at least he and Richard are homies so it'd be less awkward lmfao. Ollie is married though so Marie approval before something like that.

What color are your towels? We have different colors.

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

Have you ever needed to call the police? 911 when we thought my mom was having a heart attack. She actually wasn't, I can't remember exactly what the issue was, but it was... extreme for her. And extremely terrifying.

Are you afraid of walking alone at night? I'd be terrified, if I actually did this.

Where did your last kiss take place and with whom? Girt's car, with Girt obviously.

Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school? No, I was a very good student. I only ever got in trouble for excessive tardies in the morning, because I was pain in the ass to get out of bed in the morning so I'd occasionally be a few minutes late to my first class. I had detention once for this because I reached the threshold they allowed, and it was the only time I've ever had detention.

Have you ever been offered drugs but declined? I've never been offered drugs, I think. But possibly at a party I went to at my friend's place? Summer knew I didn't smoke weed, but I suppose it's possible one of her friends offered me a hit but I woulda said no.

Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted? No. Well wait, alcohol is considered a drug, in which case, yes. But that's it.

Tell us something weird that turns you on. I mean, "weird" is subjective.

When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual? Girt and I have been dating for almost three years now, so obviously it was mutual. No one else has admitted anything since.

What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? I'd prefer to not get into it, because it's stressful to think about and I'm just gonna ramble, and I ramble badly about shit I barely even care about lmao, nevermind something I've thought about a lot.

When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? A few days back with an armchair diagnoser about someone she's never met but is passionate about. She was VERY passionate about it and was aggressive at opposition. Don't try to diagnose people you don't fucking know, lads.

Do you usually initiate hugs? Yes.

What are you looking forward to? Seeing Girt again, I miss him.

Do you think you’re a good person? I try to be.

Are you a very open or private person? It depends on the topic.

What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I also really enjoy Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

What do you get complimented on the most? My hair or tattoos.

If money was no object, where would you move to? Blue Ridge Mountains in NC.

Who was the last person to make you cry? I think my mom.

Who was the last person you talked about sex with? I'm sure it was Girt.

Post a screen shot of your Twitter "Interactions" page. I don't use Twitter and Twitter and all Elon Musk owns/creates can rot.

Click on the messages tab on Facebook, post a screen shot (erase surnames for safety). I could do this one, but I just don't feel like it lmao. I'd wanna censor their whole names and photos.

Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page. THIS one is purely I just don't feel like it lol.

Do you believe in soul mates? Nope.

Do you play video games? Yes.

What age do people usually mistake you for? I've been mistaken for ~19.

What perfume do you wear? I barely ever wear perfume at all. I think I have one called Blush in the bathroom cabinet, and it smells nice, but it's years old lol.

When you wash your hands, do you use the cold or hot tap (faucet)? We have one handle; temperature depends on which direction you turn it. I tend to just push it up towards the middle. If I'm in a place where there ARE two faucets though, I'll pick the hot one.

What is the biggest injury you’ve ever sustained and how did you do it? Running down the road as a kid and falling. I tore my knees the FUCK up, I'm talking treating wounds for a long time that involved blood and pus both.

What is the most unique animal you’ve ever touched? An Abyssinian ground hornbill named Ike at a local bird sanctuary, probably. I had a once-in-a-lifetime experience to have this bird bond with me. One of the employees was nearby when he just walked right up to me at the fence and wanted attention and she said she'd never seen him do anything like it with a guest before. He stayed with me for as long as I remained there, and we got photos and video. He really enjoyed me gently petting him.

Which would you rather out of these 3 options? A: Be good looking and extremely intelligent but so poor you live on the streets. B: Be extremely intelligent and a millionaire but what society classes as ugly. Or C: Be good looking and a millionaire but extremely academically challenged? Why? B, so long as you don't mean ugly at heart.

Would you rather raise 25 children or have the chance of ever having children taken away? Why? I WISH I was infertile, dude. I'd rather kill myfuckingself than have 25 children.

Whose concert would you most like to see? Rammstein, it's not even a competition. Not just because I love them, but they famously put on a serious show.

Do you have any regrets? Of course I do, I don't know if I believe people who say they don't regret ANYTHING.

Who are the three most important people in your life? Mom, Girt, and... idk about the third. If Mazzy and Tez can both count despite being two, then them.

Are you afraid of dying? I mean, I'm afraid of the experience of dying, but not death itself. I believe death is just exactly as things were before I was born: complete lack of consciousness.

#survey #surveys

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mechazushi · 7 months ago

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Nothing serious, just a me thing. (I'm just stressing over bullshit, don't read too hard into this)

@bluevelvetea

@iceclew

Hey, sooo, um... I don't really know how to go about this so I'm just gonna say it.

Bluevelvetea has extended an invite to the Kn8 Discord server and Iceclew keeps saying that me and Her? should do a shared canvas thing? together and there's also someone on Ao3 that offered to make fanart for me and wanted to hit them up on Discord or somewhere else and....

I am very well aware that I haven't said anything about it, about saying that I'd love to or putting forth an effort to make that happen because...

I've... never had people to do that with. I've only had one irl friend so far and ever since i've graduated early and she went off to college, she's been ridiculously hard to get a hold of. She has shitty connection, she has a history of being broke so she has to sacrifice things on occasion, and she lets text pile up. I send her several texts over months and then when I DO finally catch her at a time where she can text me back, she'll drop at a random point in the conversation without telling me she left and I can't get a hold of her for another month. It doesn't help that she lets me do all the talking so I hardly know anything about her at this point.

My parents are next door neighbors and they come over often. I can't talk to my mom about things i'm into because she calls them "Irrational" and "Not useful" sometimes. I love talking about White and Nerdy things with my dad, but we can't really talk about the things we like in front of mom because she has this weird thing about hating listening to others talking and can't take it when me and dad talk about anime or a new reddit alien story he found. He can't catch up on things we both like because Mom gets on us for being on our phones too much and since he's around her more often than me, he just kinda stuck between gaming, helping mom around the house, or on his phone (He's out of a job right now because he's been in recovery from his second knee surgery, but mom wants the both of them to get jobs soon and for me to get a different one)

We love her, Its just she's a really big, "Gotta keep doing useful and important things" Kinda person? Not into sitting on asses and watching shows for too long. Really likes home improvement projects, does that make any sense? I can talk to her about things, but the only subject I feel like I can talk to her about are medical oddities or advancements, something her Scabble Go partners did, or how shitty it is that we're stuck in this town that we're in and can't do anything she considers fun, which is leaving state boarders and going ANYWHERE ELSE. She constantly wants greener pastures and the only thing that gets her to stop focusing on how monotonous her life feels is projects. Anything fanatical or imaginary she deems not worth the time and I feel like she judges others who enjoy that. I think the reason why her favorite genre of movies/shows is sci-fi is because it's escapeism crossing with potential realism. At the point in time where average citizens can escape their problems thanks to science and head to the stars, is where she would be happiest and that's the only thing she can get out of shows.

Anyway. the point is, I've never met people that wanted to talk to me about things I liked and gave me more options to express myself and my thoughts to others who might feel the same way. Being able to meet others who can do things I can't and being the person who inspired others to make something I can only literally dream of has been a kind of a bucket list item for me. I never thought I'd get to meet people who felt friendly enough with me on the internet to go out of their way to make art about something I've thought about without me having to pay for it or have chances to talk to others about something I've thought about and get responses about it back.

I definitely thought I would be on here for, like, another year or something before people would talk to me, let alone just... make something I spoke about into existence. Which is great, but it's also kinda scaring me a little. I'm one of those people that's afraid of change and I have a horrible habit of backpedaling to my comfort zone, even though it's supposed to be something that could be beneficial.

I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion than I should be, but not telling you guys about whether or not I want to join makes me feel like I'm unintentionally ghosting you on the subject and it's been eating me alive slightly. I feel like I've just been casually handed something I thought I had to earn and now that I have it, i'm chewing off my own hands over my own fear of the responsibility I think it comes with. I seek power only to cower from it once I have it. (anxiety sucks, doesn't it)

Another big thing is that I despise giving out my email. I hate dealing with it, I hate acknowledging that I have one, why does everything need to have my email just let me at the thing I want- *ahem* and apparently Discord falls under that. I've always wanted to have discord friends, it's was another shitty bucket list thing, I just never thought that I could be given the opportunity to do so and well.... you just read how I felt about that.

I've might have also given myself decision fatigue over "If I DID have Discord, where should I keep it?" I have a phone, I almost had to install the app anyway because I've been recently visiting a D&D group at a time where our Dm is having to telecommute at this point in time (We settled on a different solution and used someone else's appliance) But Mom is already on my ass about "Being on my phone too much" and "Its old, I should get it replaced" and "When are you going to do something different with you're life". And I don't know where or how to use this "Communal Live Canvas" Thing Iceclew's been asking me to try, but if it involves art, I draw better on my phone.

But If I put it on my laptop, where I keep my Tumblr access in, I can regulate how often I'm on the site. Mom doesn't know about my account (I think? She's seen the password for it but hasn't commented on why I have it? I'M NOT GOING TO TELL HER ABOUT IT. last thing I want to ever hear about is a lecture) But the decision cycles back around to "If I put it here, do I want to bite the bullet and sacrifice potential quality over how I could express my thoughts even though I have next to no artistic talent."

I guess I should go about this like a rational person and ask questions, but at this point I don't know If I'm just hunting for excuses to procrastinate.

I know this is hella long but I just thought I'd let you guys in on why haven't said anything on the subject and my head-space on why I'm like this, even thought this is probably just stupid and I'm overreacting and I don't want this to seem like a cry for help or anything. It's just that I'm so super thankful for meeting you two and how both of you really like listening to what I say and I'm just kinda overwhelmed at how easy this was. I honestly thought it would be harder to make friends online and I'm just reeling a little and in a kinda "Deer in headlights" mentality right now.

Blue, I'm very much aware that you said "No pressure" on the discord thing and I appreciate that, this is just how I am. I treat every minor decision like I'm the government, Taken six months too long with a shit ton of paperwork that could have just been settled as a gentleman's hand shake.

Ice, I really like the idea of working with you on something, but you might have to elaborate on how that works before I can feel okay enough to make a decision. I have a lot of irrational fears over things and exposing myself to new mechanics on the internet is one of them. I'm working on them, I just need Time and the universe hates it when I ask for it, that's all.

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