#my friend is no longer married to him because he had a very significant sin in his life that led him to treat her badly

[isfjmel-phleg]

😬

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for Millie Bobby Brown (@milliebobbybrown):

Dear Millie,

I recently came across your pictures on my Tumblr feed, and I couldn't help but wonder—aren’t you married? And also, aren’t you just twenty years old? You were born in 2004, and it feels strange to say, but you have the appearance of someone much older. You may look like a thirty-year-old woman, but you're only twenty, which left me a bit unsure of what to think.

I know this might sound unusual, but earlier, I checked your Wikipedia page, and when I saw that you were married, I genuinely clapped as if you had won a trophy. It was such a rare and happy discovery. Seeing a young twenty-year-old woman married brought me a lot of joy because, in today's society, it's not as common. You stand as a positive example for many young women who often choose a different path in their early twenties, one that doesn’t prioritize marriage.

You have no idea how happy I was to see "20 years old" and "married" on your Wikipedia page. I swear, I clapped as if witnessing something incredibly rare in America. You made me so happy, even though we’ve never met, because it signifies something much deeper—proof that you are a righteous woman.

In a world where promiscuity is often encouraged, you chose marriage. That’s something truly honorable. It reminded me of the similar happiness I felt when I found out Justin and Hailey Bieber got married in their early twenties too. I swear, I had a tear in my eye because we live in a society that promotes a very different lifestyle for young people, one that often leads to hurt and destruction. If more young people married in their early twenties, I firmly believe there would be less crime and instability in society. Many scientists and sociologists would likely confirm this.

Let me explain why:

When a young woman lives a promiscuous lifestyle from her early twenties into her thirties, she often finds herself on paths that lead to unhappiness. Some even end up in abusive relationships or, worse, criminal environments. This kind of life leaves many women with a negative view of the world.

When a young man follows the same promiscuous path, he too is led down destructive routes, often falling into harmful relationships. Many of these men become abusers or criminals as a result of their lifestyle choices.

Statistics often show a significant difference in the happiness and well-being of women who marry young versus those who remain unmarried into their late thirties. Women who marry in their early twenties tend to live healthier and happier lives, and they often live longer too.

This is why I clapped when I saw that you were married at twenty. It truly made my heart happy. I get the same feeling whenever I see young couples, like Justin and Hailey, who choose to commit to one another at such a young age.

We live in a world where promiscuity is promoted as the norm, but it’s actually the root of many people’s pain and suffering. Fornication and adultery are considered sins for a reason—they lead to hurt, confusion, and, ultimately, unhappiness.

I hope my message encourages you to stay committed to your marriage and resist the pressures of a promiscuous world. I sincerely wish you a long, happy, and fulfilling marriage, my dear sister.

Your virtual friend, Angelo

P.S.:

Synopsis of the Letter:

The letter is addressed to Millie, in which the writer, Angelo, expresses his admiration and surprise upon discovering through her Wikipedia page that she is married at the young age of 20. He praises her decision to marry early, viewing it as a rare and honorable choice in today’s society where promiscuity is often encouraged. Angelo shares his happiness and compares her situation to Justin and Hailey Bieber’s marriage, which also brought him joy. He emphasizes the benefits of marrying young, believing it leads to greater happiness, stability, and a healthier life. Angelo encourages Millie to remain committed to her marriage, citing the negative consequences of promiscuity and expressing his hope for her long and happy marriage.

[naruhearts]

I’m done keeping my composure.

Sorry, this will be a LOADED post! (And I’ll be repeating the points others have made)

for real, to everyone being nasty and telling heartbroken fans that “Dean was always supposed to die get a grip you’re just butthurt etcetera etcetera—” F you royally.

How dare you police the brutal feelings that’s been embroiling us since the Finale That Must Not Be Named aired. 

The show you think you all watched, the show you all believe was the same SPN from Season 1-4, changed at some point. Kripke wrote his original vision, put it to screen, saw it through in S5 as he intended, and closed the door on that era.

In 2008, Supernatural was adopted and inherited. As you know, there was a supreme paradigm shift post-Kripke era. The show FLOURISHED (we won’t talk about Gamble thanks). It evolved, transformed, grew beyond trauma-induced self-worthlessness and toxic masculinity and endless death and hegemonic social ideals and conservatism and repressive anti-revolutionary ideas. Castiel, the iconic favourite and beloved staple of the series portrayed by Misha Collins, was introduced in Season 4 as the core lead character, and he ushered in a brand new era of Christian mythos that SPN took advantage of. Longevity SKYROCKETED. Audiences were INTERESTED. SPN amassed an incredibly groundbreaking fanbase infused by non-nuclear principles. A massive subversive wave began, fighting the Status Quo of the times since 2008. It’s precisely why such an abysmal ending to a show of extensive Freud-Jungian metanarratively meta META complex stature and social POWER will render us totally and unbearably broken for years to come.

Point is, DEAN WINCHESTER NO LONGER WANTED TO DIE. HE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO SIT ON THE BEACH, PLUNGE HIS TOES IN THE SAND, AND SIP UMBRELLA DRINKS WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIS BEST FRIEND. He said this in Season 13. And then, a season later, he told the ghost of his long-deceased father — the source of his deep-running trauma and the figure of self-reductive authoritarianism permeating his arc since Season 1 — after being questioned why he didn’t pursue the Nuclear Fam, that he already has his own: his brother Sam, his adopted child Jack, and Cas.

Dean’s best friend Cas. Oh god, Cas, who made his inevitably permanent mark on Dean’s soul beyond allyship. Castiel, renamed to Cas, God’s -iel removed by Dean. Dean, the human spark that lit the fire of pre-existing autonomy in the inherently rebellious angel who was, this entire time, the catalyst for free will in God The Writer’s puppet show. Their friendship set on goddamn fire. I can also write paragraph upon paragraph about my love for Cas while devastated tears stream down my face, but I digress—

Cas’ romantic love for Dean pushed our main Heart of SPN to love himself. Love is free will. Free will is also love. Of note, Cas’ love confession in 15x18 was supposed to offset something so vastly important and fundamental...to maybe (read: most likely) pull the trigger on SELF-TRUTHS in conjunction with free will. And The Great Anticipated Follow-Up to the episode penned by the passionate Berens should have included (read: seemed like it was going to be) Dean, closeted trauma survivor in love with his best friend, being given the opportunity to do it right: to SPEAK HIS TRUTH, and then that very singular opportunity was STOLEN so grossly. After poring over it for days, I refuse to believe we made their years-long story up out of thin air, spun it out of fantastical-delusional dream cotton candy, because we DIDN’T. IT WAS REAL.

As I said in another post: “I’ve just been feeling physically ill for the past >40 something hours with the terrible knowledge that 19/20 undid years of vital progression towards healthy interdependence, autonomy, and a positive endgame, where Sam, Dean and Cas close the ring of found family in final empowering self-fulfillment...where Dean, no longer repressed and set free, is able to use his words and speak his truth as a queercoded trauma survivor, henceforth confirming and self-affirming his own bisexuality since S1 by reciprocating — by telling Cas that he always loved him, too, loved him endlessly, which would have altogether divested Supernatural of its cult status and catapulted it into global worldwide significance as the longest running sci-fi genre show in American broadcasting history that actually dared to defy and, by proxy, empower LGBTQ2IA+ everywhere who found profound personal meaning in Destiel through VALIDATION,” — found themselves mirrored in Dean and Cas’ respective character journeys individually and as each other’s queer love interests.

THIS IS WHY DEAN WASN’T MEANT TO DIE.

THEY WERE SO ESSENTIAL, NOT JUST TO THE OVERARCHING STORY AND HEALTHY INTERPERSONAL THEMATICS OF MODERN SPN, BUT ALSO TO THE SOULS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD WHO FOLLOWED THEIR JOURNEYS, HOPED FOR THEM, ASPIRED TO BE LIKE THEM, TREASURED THEM, WEEPED FOR THEM, AND FOUGHT FOR THEM, LIKE YOU AND ME.

Heck, how could anyone think Sam Winchester had a well-deserved characteristic ending? He didn’t. Dean’s brother was shafted so badly. He stopped hunting when seasons ago, he had canonically accepted that he no longer wanted an apple pie life. He simply...turned the lights off in a resoundingly empty bunker and left — abandoning his dead brother’s room — never to return (he did return later to get the Impala, family photos etc, I mean this symbolically)...as if — dare I say it — Supernatural itself eerily told us, in the negative-spaced pitch blackness, that the organic show and the wonderfully complex, matured characters we’ve grown to love weren’t going to survive or be revisited...that it was all going to perish, and that they no longer gave a single shit about their own show, which, to me, is the worst cardinal sin, because how dare they throw Team Free Will, an immovable and indomitable and passionate found family they built from the ground up, a found family CHOCK FULL TO THE BRIM OF LOVE AND LIFE RAGING AGAINST THE AUTHORITARIAN MACHINE IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE FREE WILL, under the bus no matter who is to blame. Growth was stomped on.

Then Sam married a faceless wife who wasn’t his textually established (and deaf) love interest Eileen, named his son Dean Jr., and grew old miserably, still mourning the passing of his older brother, shaken and sombre. Back to square one. IT WAS ALL ANTITHETICAL, even OUTSIDE a shipping context, and I ripped my hair out at this point in sheer disbelief.

This 15x20 ending would have fit somewhere between S4-7. Now? IT DOESN’T FIT. IT’S A JAGGED PUZZLE PIECE THAT DOESN’T BELONG ANYWHERE. IT’S THE FOREBODING UNKNOWN STRANGER IN ITS OWN LAND, BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. This kind of ending was basically an illogical, unsound cluster of metastasized cells that, to me, ruined the viability of previous seasons to sustain bold praise and respect and dignity and rewatches and classic nostalgia in such insidious ways.

Dean Humanity Winchester and Cas, after everything they’ve been through, were silenced and lost in death, ripped apart from each other, unable to love each other the way they deserved, because of disappointing, vile incompetency and homophobia. The greatest love story ever told, again obliterated in less than 60 hollow minutes.

You know what this tells your audience, CW SPN? Death without self-growth is the way to go, and no one is allowed to forge their own path to freedom.

HOW INSULTINGLY HARMFUL IS THAT?

I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving.

We all deserve answers.

[oddaodd]

· MASTERLIST ·

THOMAS SHELBY

· Fast Enough · In which the reader is there for Tommy during one of his mental breakdowns. (Angst)

· Awfully sensitive · In which Tommy comforts an emotional reader. (Fluff) 

· Her Eyes · In which Tommy and the reader are in an arranged marriage. (Fluff/Angst) 

· Hesitation · In which Tommy´s reaction to the reader´s pregnancy isn't what she expected. (Angst)

· Wishful Sinful Wicked Blue · In which the reader and Tommy love drinking together. (Smut/Fluff) 

· Concern In Painting · In which Tommy snaps at the reader´s concern about his wellbeing. (Angst/Fluff)

· Tender Sunken Sea · In which the reader convinces Tommy to go to the beach with her. (Fluff)·

· Not Quite It Seems · What You Want (part two) ·In which things turn sour when feelings get involved between Tommy and the reader. (Smut/Angst)

· In The Depths Of Despair · In which the reader refuses to let Tommy go into the tunnels alone. (Angst)

· All The Knives That Lacerate Your Brain · In which the reader deals with the aftermath of Tommy´s PTSD. (Angst)

· Stormborn · *Requested *  In which Tommy helps the reader give birth. (Fluff) 

· Body And Soul · In which the reader convinces Tommy to paint. (Fluff/Angst) 

· Relax · In which tommy helps the reader relax. (Smut) 

· A Second,Or Two, Or Three · in which the reader tells Tommy she loves him for the fist time. (Fluff)

· I Will Be Your Wine · A Lace Ghost · (Part two)  *Requested* In which the reader realizes she and Tommy were never meant to be. (Angst) 

· Dancing Out In Space · In which the reader has an anxiety attack and Tommy is there for her. ( Fluff/Angst) 

· The Wait · *Requested* In which Tommy deals with the reader’s mood swings during pregnancy. (Fluff) 

·A Mundane Occurrence Heavy With Significance · *requested* In which Tommy spends the night at the reader’s place for the first time and his nightmares pay an unwanted visit. (Fluff) 

· Pretty Empowering I Must Say · *Requested* In which John and Arthur tease Tommy for being soft in the reader’s presence. (Fluff). 

· Dedicated To Touch · *Requested* In which the reader makes a touch starved Tommy feel loved. (Fluff)

· What No One Would Ever Know · *Requested* In which Tommy’s wife is badass and he is soft only for her. (Fluff).

· Besides Tea And Toast · * Requested* In which the reader is a war widow with a daughter and Tommy proposes to her. (Fluff) 

· The Flames Singing · *Requested* In which Tommy is vulnerable and Y/n comforts him. (Fluff) 

· Cold Tea And Romantic Gestures · In which Tommy makes the reader feel loved. (Fluff)

· Mementos Of The Sea · *Requested* In which the reader takes tommy away to the sea for their wedding anniversary. (Fluff) 

· Lydia Pinkham’s Remedies · *Requested* In which Tommy comforts the reader while she suffers from period cramps. (Fluff) 

· The Emerald’s Life Long Wait · *Requested* In which Tommy feels the reader deserves better than him. (Fluff/Angst).

· One Of These Days These Heels Are Gonna Stomp All Over You · *Requested* In which the reader is harassed by her boss and tells Tommy. (Angst) 

· Winter Son · *Requested* In which Y/n and tommy rejoice over their baby son’s first Christmas. (Fluff). 

· For Ages · In which Y/n falls for Tommy, her lifelong friend. (Angst/Fluff)

· What’s Going On? · *Requested* In which y/n isn't sure who her baby’s father is, Tommy or John. (Drama) 

· I Was Listening · In which Tommy makes the reader feel less insecure. (Fluff)

· Dangerous, The Horse · In which Tommy doesn't want to open up to the reader. (Angst/Fluff)  

· Broken Bones · *Requested* In which Tommy’s wife breaks her leg and he takes care of her. (Fluff)

· Light My Fire · *Requested* In which the reader, Charlie’s nanny, gets pregnant with Tommy’s baby. (Smut/Fluff/Angst) 

· Unwanted Surprises · In which the reader wonders if she and tommy have fallen out of love (Angst). 

· Can You Feel How Fast That’s Going?· *Requested* In which tommy needs to sort out his priorities and confesses his love to the reader. Based on the The Weekend’s song Where You belong. (Angst/Fluff/Smut)

· Just Till Noon · *Requested* In which the reader convinces Tommy to stay in bed a bit longer. (Fluff) 

· Whisky Floors · *Requested* In which Tommy disappears for two days and comes home to his annoyed pregnant wife. (Angst/Fluff)

· Birthday Pearls · The reader wants Tommy to spend her birthday with her, but he’s busy. (Angst/Fluff).

· Maimed · *Requested* In which Tommy finds out the reader had to resort to prostitution when he was away at war and doesn’t react well to it. (Angst)

· A Conjured Up Death Wish · *Requested* In which the reader begins to worry about how much damage Grace’s Ghost can cause (Angst) 

· Delightful Misty Dream · In which Tommy joins the reader in the bathtub after a rather stressful day. (Smut/Fluff) 

· A Whimsical Tale · *Requested* In which Tommy gets jealous of Finn flirting with his maid because he likes her. (Smut/Fluff). 

· Nice Things · In which Charlie snaps at the reader and Tommy feels guilty. (Angst) 

· Ominous · *Requested* In which Y/n gets hurt stopping the Lees from raiding the betting shop and suffers from it. (Angst) 

· Heedless Words That Numb The Heart · *Requested* In which Tommy snaps at the reader and then makes it up through small acts of love. (Angst/Fluff) 

· A Concoction of Honey, Oatmeal and Herbs · In which Tommy agrees to do skincare with the reader. (Absolute Fluff) 

· A Dress Made Out Of Daffodils · In which the reader isn't ready to sleep with Tommy and he is understanding and loving about it. (Fluff)

· They Were Closer Now, Fernando · In which Tommy comes home exhausted from a bussiness trip in London and snaps at the reader. (Angst/Fluff)

· Cloudberry Flavored Midnight Cravings · *Requested* In which the reader is craving some biscuits late at night and Tommy being the loving husband he is scours Birmingham to satisfy his wife’s craving. (Fluff) 

· Soft Words Professed Amidst Uncertainty · *Requested* In which the reader is shocked by tommy’s newfound compliments towards her. (Smut/Fluff) 

· Fake It Till You Make It · *Requested * In which Tommy pretends to be Y/n’s boyfriend in front of her brothers. (Fluff) 

· Gardens That Like To Run with Blushing Flowers · *Requested* In which the reader leaves a flower on tommy’s desk every morning and one day he confronts her about it. (Fluff) 

· Slumberless Hours On A Gloomy Saturday · In which Tommy tries to make Y/n feel better after Charlie tells him she has been feeling down. (Fluff/Angst)

· The Devil’s Hour · *Requested* In which Tommy comes home late at night to find the reader still awake waiting for him because she wants to cuddle. (Fluff) 

· Bishops And Pawns On The Storm · *Requested* In which the reader teaches Tommy to play chess (Fluff) 

·Idyllic Announcements In The Wake of Epsom · *Requested* In which the reader has something very important to tell Tommy after the races. (Angst/Fluff)

· I Don't Go In For Sweets · *Requested* In which Tommy reluctantly agrees to marry the reader and is awfully cold and distant towards her. (Angst/Fluff).

·July's Official Birthday Flower · In which the reader suffers from yet another miscarriage and Tommy is there for her, but there's always going to be a reminder of what they've lost. (Angst)

·Wailing Teapots · In which Tommy begins questioning Y/n's allegiances and goes and pays her a visit to confront her about it only to find out a dark truth. (Angst/Fluff)

CILLIAN MURPHY 

· Slip Of The Tongue · In which after an embarrassing slip of the tongue while filming a scene with Cillian, the reader feels she ought to explain herself. (Fluff) 

ALFIE SOLOMONS 

· Home · *Requested* In which y/n Shelby falls for Alfie. (Fluff) 

· Cointreau · *Requested* In which Alfie is intrigued by his next door neighbor. (Fluff) 

· The Best Pies In England · *Requested* In which the reader finds out that Alfie isn't really a baker and gets sad that he cant bake. (Fluff) .

· Life In Margate · *Requested* In which the reader decides to move with Alfie to Margate when he tells her he has cancer. (Angst/Fluff).

MICHAEL GRAY

· A Lavender Bath · Chamomile Tea · *Requested* In which Michael receives a distressing phone call from the reader. (Angst) 

· Like A Queen In Days Of Old · *Requested* In which Michael offers his coat to the reader who is a jazz dancer. (Fluff) 

· What About France ? · *Requested* In which Michael tells the reader he must away to America (Smut/Angst)

ARTHUR SHELBY 

· Sounds Like A Dream · *Requested* In which Y/n makes Arthur feel better after one of his breakdowns. (Angst/Fluff) 

· A Lemon Tree Would Also Be Divine · *Requested* In which Arthur goes strawberry picking with the reader and then they bake a pie together. (Pure cottage core fuel/Fluff) 

· Someone Able To Put Your Fires Out · *Requested* In which Arthur relaxes as the reader reads to him (Fluff) 

JOHN SHELBY 

· Passing Clouds ·*Requested* In which the reader suffers from depression and John comforts her. (Angst/Fluff)JOHN SHELBY 

[streetsofsecretswegone]

WHICH OF MY OCS ARE THE BEST ROMANTIC PARTNERS? (GUY EDITION)

7. GRISHA VALTCHITSKI

Grisha’s weird. When he’s young he can be INCREDIBLY cute with a significant other. Tongue tied, sweet, just the cutest! But now in his 40s...eugh. He’s one of those guys who are married to his job, first and foremost. He’s that upper class husband who drives home with his wife with a thick silence between them because he’s coldly ended the argument about whatever. He’s that boyfriend who won’t have a conversation with you when you’re venting because he is busy.  He is still capable of being a sweet man, somewhere deep down inside. But at the end of the day he is a very logical, blunt man and that can cause...so many issues in regards to him sparing someone’s feelings. On the bright side, he’s a great provider and doesn’t act like the gangsters he works among. So you don’t have to worry about ‘work coming home.’ That being said, you have to really, really, really, REALLY put in the work to defrost him.

6. REUBEN HOLLOWAY

The only issue with Reuben is that old age has caused him to become less romantic. He isn’t cold like Grisha, but, don’t expect grand, sweeping gestures from him. Don’t expect to go out for Valentine’s Day, don’t expect to go to a slam poetry event - because really, Reuben does not have much of a social life any longer. Which is a high contributing cause to why he’s more of a reclusive homebody. Either way just expect loyalty and honesty. For some people this is enough. For some people this isn’t. Also, you have to be the one who forces Reuben to go out for date night. Expect a 6 minute back and forth to commence, but that’s cool if you’re aspiring to have a old married couple thing going on.

5. NICHOLAS SCOZZARI

Nick’s greatest flaw is that when he was in prison he cheated on Janie over at @tcpimpabutterfly, but did he cheat on her when they were teenagers? No!! Is he still holding remorse for his actions? Yes!! The thing about Nick is that despite his hard demeanor, he’s soft as hell. Always been soft as hell. Just like his mama. He’s out here writing love letters, he’s looking out the window listening to 70s love ballads thinking about his past crimes and sins against you. However, he loves too hard and while his actions can be sweet it means lines can be crossed. This man is trying to talk to you when you have a restraining order. Trying to find out information about your new man. Also he’s inclined to get on social media and post about the better days. But if you can handle all of that -- he’s a great spouse and dad. I mean, you’ll also have to handle him going to jail frequently because he’s a gangster...so...anyway....

4. JERROLD SIMMS

Jerrold may be the best father to your kid (if you had a baby with him) may surprise you with fancy dinner dates and fur coats, but you really have to WORK at a relationship with this man. Make him a believer, redefine love, all that. Shit can be so fun! So great! But can it be real? Um...maybe! Probably! It’ll just take awhile. Maybe a long while. This is because Jerrold has never been in a real, serious, long-term relationship with anyone. So he doesn’t believe in real love and really? He has a lot of reasons not to due to his family having a dysfunctional history with interpersonal relationships. 

It’s worth a shot to aim for him though.

3. ANTONIO MARINO.

Tony is a mess. He gets on his drug binges, he gets self-destructive and it takes someone with a lot of unconditional love to handle him when he is at his WORST. Someone who will support him, but also not baby him and inevitably enable him to be the worst. While Tony is difficult, he’s not impossible. And the truth is, he’s bound to love you more than he loves himself so maybe you’ll become his impulse control! Maybe he’ll go to rehab! That’s all for you.

2. LUCIANO SCOZZARI.

For better or worse, Louis is open with his partner from the jump. If he would be interested in a poly relationship, he’s going to admit that. If he thinks you’re fucking up your life, he’s going to admit that. His honesty - and tendency to ruthlessly joke around, can make him seem like a lousy partner, but he just keeps it real.

Also, Louis really tries not to care about people beyond his family. Therefore, when he’s in a relationship, he cares about the other party and their best interests as deeply as he cares for his own affairs! He can even be a romantic when he’s not goofing around. What keeps him from being number one?

A whole lot of family baggage. Do you wanna be in a mob family? Do you wanna potentially get shot? Okay, go for Louie.

1. BENJAMIN ROSENTHAL. Ben is the only dude. ONLY DUDE. On the list with no crime connections and you know what? That makes him the best on fucking default.

 Any drama that comes from Ben comes from regular everyday shit. Like him investing in a Subway sandwich! Or forgetting your co-worker’s names! He’s a little nervous, having freshly gotten out of a abusive relationship, but once he can put that behind him? He’s not just your lover, he’s your BEST FRIEND.

Also he eats pussy good so that counts for something.

[queenfredegund]

MEROVINGIAN REGINAE | Austregildis Regina (c. 548-580)

Second chief wife of Guntchramn Rex, to whom she bore two sons, Chlothacar Rex and Chlodomer Rex, and two daughters, Chlodoberga II Regina and Chlodechildis IV Regina.

According to Gregorius of Tours, she was from Dux Magnacharius’s familia, meaning she may have been either one of his clients’ daugther, or one of his slaves. At an unknown date, but probably after 561, when Guntchramn had become rex over Burgundia, he married Marcatrudis, the daughter of Magnacharius, and apparently raised her as his chief wife. 

Therefore, Austregildis may have come to the court as Marcatrudis’ servant or dowary maid. However, Marcatrudis finally fell into disgrace c. 565-566, after having been accused of having poisoned Gundobald Rex, son of another concubine. She was then stripped from her position, and died no longer after. 

“Postea vero Marcatrudem, filiam Magnarii, in matrimonium accepit. [...] et odium regis incurrit, demissaque ab eodem, ne multo post tempore mortua est.

Later on Guntram married Marcatrude, the daughter of Magnachar. [...] As a result the King was estranged from her and he dismissed her. She died not long afterwards. ”

DLH, IV, 25. De uxoribus Guntchramni

Althought it is difficult to say since when, Austregildis was probably by that time one of the regular concubines of Guntchramn, perhaps even his favourite, and thus did not suffer from the downfall of her previous mistress. Indeed, quickly after Marcatrudis’ death, she rose into position, and was regarded as Guntchramn’s new and only chief wife, probably after giving birth to her first son, Chlothacar.

“ Post quam Austerchilde cognomento Bobillam accepit, de qua iterum duos filios habuit, duorum senior Chlotharius, minor Chlodomeris dicebatur.

Then Guntram married Austrechild, also called Bobilla. He had two sons by her, the elder called Lothar and the younger Chlodomer.”

DLH, IV, 25. De uxoribus Guntchramni

From c. 565 to at least 577, she then successfully gave birth to three other children, meaning that she was probably the exclusive sexual partner of the rex. However, she had to face some difficulties at court, as she became the target of critics, firstly from Bishop Sagittarius, who implied that because she was from a low-ranking birth, her sons may have not been suitable for succeeding to their father, and also from Marcatrudis’ brothers, who accused her of having taken the position of their late sister. 

Furious about them and because he could not support letting his chief spouse being humiliated, Guntchramn subsequently took action against them by depriving them from their ranks and possessions, and even beheading Marcatrudis’s brothers.

“Gunthchramnus vero rex duos Magnacharii quondam filios gladio interemit, pro eo quod in Austregildem reginam eiusque subolis multa detestabilia atque exsecranda proferrent, facultatesque eorum fisco suo redegit.

King Guntram killed the two sons of Magnachar, who himself had died some time before. His excuse was that they had made hateful and abominable remarks about Queen Austrechild and her children. He seized their possessions and added them to the royal treasury.”

DLH, V, 17. De dubietate Paschae

“Sed Sagittarius felle commotus, hanc rationem dure suscipiens, ut erat levis ac vanus et in sermonibus inrationabilibus profluus, declamare plurima de rege coepit ac dicere, quod filii eius regnum capere non possint, eo quod mater eorum ex familia Magnacharii quondam adscita regis torum adisset, ignorans, quod, praetermissis nunc generibus feminarum, regis vocitantur liberi, qui de regibus fuerant procreati. His auditis, rex commotus valde, tam equos quam pueros vel quaecumque habere poterant abstulit; ipsosque in monasteriis a se longiori accensu dimotos, in quibus paenitentiam agerent [...].

This annoyed Sagittarius very much. He was a fatuous and empty-headed fellow, much given to garrulous talk, and he bore this decision ill. He began to spread silly tales about the King, saying, for example, that Guntram’s sons could never succeed to the throne because when their mother married him she had been one of Magnachar’s servants. Sagittarius was overlooking the fact that, irrespective of their mother’s birth, all children born to a king count as that king’s sons. When Guntram heard this he was greatly incensed. He deprived them of their horses, their servants and all their possessions. He shut them up in two monasteries far removed from each other and there they were left to repent of their sins.”

DLH, V, 20. De Salunio et Sagittario episcopis

Unfortunately, in 577, her two sons Chlothacar and Chlodomer died during an epidemy. She also never seemed to become pregnant again, and then did not give birth to an other son. However, she stayed the indisputable chief wife of Guntchramn, and he apparently never threaten to demote her from her position.

“Ipse quoque duos filios suos subito morbo oppressus perdedit; de quorum funere valde contristatus est, eo quod orbatus absque liberis remansisset.

Later on Guntram lost his own two sons, who died of some sudden disease. He was greatly distressed at their death, for it left him bereaved and childless.”

DLH, V, 17. De dubietate Paschae

Moreover, in order to compensate for the loss of his only heirs, he turned himself towards his nephew, Childebert II Rex, son of Brunehilde, and send envoys to him proposing to make him his legal heir. Austregildis finally died in september 580, during the so-called “Plague of the Gauls”. According to Gregorius of Tours, she asked on her deathbed to Guntchramn to severly punish the medicii who have been unable to save her, what he granted her on.

“Fertur enim Herodiano more regem petisse, dicens: ‘Adhuc spes vivendi fuerat, si non inter iniquorum medicorum manus interissem; nam potionis ab illis acceptae mihi vi abstulerunt vitam et fecerunt me hanc lucem velociter perdere. Et ideo, ne inulta mors mea praetereat, quaeso et cum sacramenti interpositione coniuro, ut cum ab hac luce discessero, statim ipse gladio trucidentur; ut, sicut ego amplius vivere non queo, ita nec ille post meum obitum glorientur, sed sit unus dolus nostris pariter ac eorum amicis’. Haec effata, infilicem animam tradidit.

As Herod had done before her, she is said to have made this last request to the King: ‘I should still have some hope of recovery if my death had not been made inevitable by the treatment prescribed for me by these wicked doctors, It is the medicines which they have given me which have robbed me of my life and forced me thus to lose the light of day. I beseech you, do not let me die unavenged. Give me your solemn word, I beg you, that you will cut their throats the moment that my eyes have closed in death. If I have really come to the end of my life, they must not be permitted to glory in my dying. When my friends grieve for me, let their friends grieve for them, too.’ As she said this, she died.”

DLH, V, 35. De Austregilde regina

She was publicly mourned in the regnum, and furthermore, was not succeeded by any eminent woman, as Guntchramn never took any other significant concubine and never fathered other known children. According to her epitaph compiled in the Titulorum Gallicanorum Liber, she was 32 years old.

[mattchase82]

Cry of a Lost Soul

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This unusual narrative recounts the revelations of a lost soul to a former acquaintance. It is a powerful record of the steps which led a young woman to lose her soul in Hell for all eternity.

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Although it has several times been printed with imprimatur, this in itself does not guarantee the authenticity of the story.

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An imprimatur merely indicates that the subject matter is free from error in faith and morals.

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Is it true?

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Obviously, it cannot be "guaranteed" because the only evidence is that of the girl herself.

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It certainly may be true and its instructional qualities would pertain even if the story itself were not true.

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In the July apparition at Fatima a vision of a Hell of fire was given to the three little children, and significantly, its existence was confirmed by the great public miracle on October 13th.

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Yet Hell is little spoken of in the pulpits. Because of this, the special intervention of Heaven, may, as at Fatima, be necessary to restore this sobering doctrine to its important place in Christian dogma.

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It is well to remember that the Hell spoken of here is the Hell which has a significant place in Catholic doctrine, the Hell described vividly by Christ Himself, the Hell seen in all its livid horror by the children at Fatima on July 13th, 1917.

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The names of persons and places are omitted because of the nature of the Article.

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Clara and Annette, both single Catholics in their early twenties, worked adjacent to each other as employees of a commercial firm in Germany. Although they were never very close friends, they shared a courteous mutual regard which led to an exchange of ideas and, eventually, of confidences. Clara professed herself openly religious, and felt it her duty to instruct and admonish Annette when the latter appeared excessively casual or superficial in religious matters.

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In due course, Annette married and left the firm. The year was 1937. Clara spent the autumn of that year on holiday at Lake Garda. About the middle of September she received a letter from her mother. "Annette . . . is dead. She was the victim of an auto accident and was buried yesterday at Wald-Friedhof."

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Clara was frightened since she knew her friend was not very religious. Was she prepared to appear before God? Dying suddenly, what had happened to her?

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The next day she attended Mass, received Holy Communion, and prayed fervently for her friend. The following night, at ten minutes after midnight, the vision took place. . .

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"Clara, do not pray for me! I am in hell. If I tell you this and speak at length about it, do not think it is because of our friendship. We here do not love anyone. I do this as under constraint. In truth, I should like to see you to come to this state where I must remain forever."

.

"Perhaps that angers you, but here we all think that way. Our wills are hardened in evil - in what you call evil. Even when we do something 'good', as I do now, opening your eyes about hell, it is not because of a good intention."

.

"Do you still remember our first meeting four years ago at. . .? You were then 23 and had been there already half a year. Because I was a beginner, you gave me some helpful advice. Then I praised your love of your neighbor. Ridiculous! Your help was mere coquetry. Here we do not acknowledge any good - in anybody."

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"Do you remember what I told you about my youth? Now I am painfully compelled to fill in some of the gaps."

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"According to the plan of my parents, I should not have existed. A misfortune brought about my conception. My two sisters were 14 and 15 when I was born."

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"Would that I had never existed! Would that I could now annihilate myself! Escape these tortures! No pleasure would equal that with which I would abandon my existence, as a garment of ashes which is lost in nothingness. But I must continue to exist as I chose to make myself - as a ruined person."

.

"When father and mother, still young, left the country for the city, they had lost touch with the Church and were keeping company with irreligious people. They had met at a dance, and after a year and a half of companionship they 'had' to get married."

.

"As a result of the nuptial ceremony, so much holy water remained on them that my mother attended Sunday Mass a couple of times a year. But she never taught me to pray. Instead, she was completely taken up with the daily cares of life, although our situation was not bad."

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"I refer to prayer, Mass, religious instruction, holy water, church with a very strong repugnance. I hate all that, as I hate those who go to church, and in general every human being and everything."

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"From a great many things do we receive torture. Every knowledge received at the hour of death, every remembrance of things lived or known is for us, a piercing flame. In each remembrance, good and bad, we see the way in which was present - the grace we despised or ignored. What a torture is this! We do not eat, we do not sleep, we do not walk. Chained, with howling and gnashing of teeth, we look appalled at our ruined life, hating and suffering. Do you hear? We here drink hatred like water. Above all we hate God. With reluctance do I force myself to make you understand."

.

"The blessed in heaven must love God because they see Him without veil, in all His dazzling beauty. That makes their bliss indescribable. We know this and the knowledge makes us furious. Men on earth, who know God from nature and from revelation, can love Him, but they are not compelled to do so. The believer - I say this with gnashing of teeth - who contemplates Christ on the cross, with arms extended, will end by loving Him."

.

"But he whom God approaches only in the final storm, as punisher, as just avenger, because he was rejected by Him, such a person cannot but hate Him with all the strength of his wicked will. We died with willful resolve to be separated from God. Do you now understand why hell lasts forever! It is because our wills were fixed for eternity at the moment of death. We had made our final choice. Our obstinacy will never leave us. Under compulsion, I must add that God is merciful even towards us. I affirm many things against my will and must choke the torrent of abuses I should like to vomit out."

.

"God was merciful to us by not allowing our wicked wills to exhaust themselves on earth, as we should have been prepared to do. This would have increased our faults and our pains. He caused us to die before our time, as in my case, or had other mitigating circumstances intervene. Now He shows Himself merciful towards us by not compelling a closer approach than that afforded in this remote inferno. Every step bringing us closer to God would cause us a greater pain than that which a step closer to a burning furnace would cause you."

.

"You were scared when once, during a walk, I told you that my father, a few days before my first Communion, had told me: 'My little Annette, the main thing is your beautiful white dress, all the rest is just make-believe.' Because of your concern, I was almost ashamed. Now I sneer at it."

.

"The important thing is that we were not allowed to receive Communion until the age of 12. By then I was already absorbed in worldly amusements and found it easy to set aside, without scruple, the things of religion. Thus, I attached no great importance to my first Communion. We are furious that many children go to Communion at the age of seven. We do all we can to make people believe that children have insufficient knowledge at that age. They must first commit some mortal sins. Then the white Particle will not do so much damage to our cause as when faith, hope, and charity - oh, these things! - received in Baptism, are still alive in their hearts."

.

"Marta K - and you induced me to enter "The Association of the Young Ladies." The games were amusing. As you know, I immediately took a directive part. I liked it. I also like the picnics. I even let myself be induced to go to confession and communion sometimes."

.

"Once you warned me, 'Anne, if you do not pray, you go to perdition.' I used to pray very little indeed, and even this unwillingly. You were then only too right. All those who burn in hell did not pray or did not pray enough."

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"Prayer is the first step towards God. And it is the decisive step. Especially prayer to her who is the Mother of Christ, whose name we never pronounce. Devotion to her rescues from the devil numberless souls whom sin would infallibly give to him."

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"I continue my story, consumed with rage and only because I have to. To pray is the easiest thing man can do on earth. And God has tied up the salvation of each one exactly to this very easy thing."

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"To him who prays with perseverance little by little God gives so much light, so much strength, that even the most debased sinner will at the end come back to salvation. During the last years of my life I did not pray any more, so I lacked those graces without which nobody can be saved. Here we no longer receive graces. Moreover, should we receive them we would cynically refuse them. All the fluctuations of earthly existence have ceased in the other life. For years I was living far away from God. For, in the last call of grace I decided against God."

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"I never believed in the influence of the devil. And now I affirm that he has strong influence on the persons who are in the condition in which I was then. Only many prayers, others and mine own, united with sacrifices and penances, could have snatched me from his grip. And even this only little by little. If there are only few externally obsessed, there are very many internally possessed. The devil cannot steal the free will from those who give themselves to his influence. But in punishment of their, so to speak, methodical apostasy from God, He allows the devil to nest in them."

.

"I hate the devil too. And yet I am pleased about him, because he tries to ruin all of you; he and his satellites, the fallen with him at the beginning of time. There are millions of them. They roam around the earth, as thick as a swarm of flies, and you do not even notice it. It is not reserved to us damned to tempt you; but to the fallen spirits. In truth every time they drag down here to hell a human soul their own torture is increased. But what does one not do for hatred?"

.

"Deep down I was rebelling against God. You did not understand it; you thought me still a Catholic. I wanted, in fact, to be called one; I even used to pay my ecclesiastical dues. Maybe your answers were right sometimes. On me they made no impression, since you must not be right. Because of these counterfeited relationships between the two of us, our separation on the occasion of my marriage was of no consequence to me. Before the wedding I went to confession and communion once more. It was a precept. My husband and I thought alike on this point. Why not comply with this formality? So we complied with this, as with the other formalities."

.

"Our married life, in general, was spent in great harmony. We were of the same idea in everything. In this too, that we did not want the burden of children. In truth, my husband would have like to have one; no more, of course. In the end I succeeded in dissuading him even from this desire. Dresses, luxurious furniture, places of entertainment, picnics and trips by car and similar things were more important for me... It was a year of pleasure on earth, the one that passed from my marriage to my sudden death. Internally, of course, I was never happy, although externally at ease. There was always something indeterminate inside that gnawed at me."

.

"Unexpectedly I had an inheritance from my Aunt, Lotte. My husband succeeded in increasing his wages to a considerable figure. And so I was able to furnish our new home in an attractive way. Religion did not show its light but from afar off, pale, feeble and uncertain."

.

"I used to give free vent to my ill humor about some mediaeval representations of hell in cemeteries or elsewhere, in which the devil is roasting souls in red burning coals, while his companions with long tails drag new victims to him. Clara! One can be mistaken in depicting hell, but never can one exaggerate."

.

"I tell you: the fire of which the Bible speaks, does not mean the torment of the conscience. Fire is fire! What He said: 'Away from Me, you accursed one, into eternal fire', is to be understood literally. Literally! How can the spirit be touched by material fire, you will ask. How can your soul suffer on earth when you put your finger on the flame? In fact the soul does not burn; and yet what torture all the individual feels!"

.

"Our greatest torture consists in the certain knowledge that we shall never see God. How can this torture us so much, since on earth we are so indifferent? As long as the knife lies on the table, it leaves you cold. You see how keen it is, but you do not feel it. Plunge the knife into the flesh and you will start screaming for pain. Now we feel the loss of God. The lost Catholics suffer more than those of other religions, because they, mostly, received and despised more graces and more light. He who knew more suffers more cruelly than he who knew less. He who sinned out of malice suffers more keenly than he who sinned out of weakness. But nobody suffers more than he deserves. Oh, if that were not true, I should have a motive to hate!"

.

"My death happened this way . . ."

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"A week ago - I am speaking according to your reckoning, because according to pain, I could very well say that it is already ten years that I am burning in hell - a week ago, then, my husband and I, on a Sunday went on a picnic, the last one for me. The day was glorious. I felt very well. A sinister sense of pleasure that was with me all the day long, invaded me. When lo, suddenly, during the return, my husband was dazzled by a car that was coming full speed. He lost control."

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"Jesus, used frequently by some people of German language - escaped from my lips with a shivering. Not as a prayer, but as a shout. A lacerating pain took hold of the whole of me. (In comparison with the present only a trifle). Then I lost consciousness. Strange! That morning this thought had come to me in an inexplicable way: 'You could go to Mass once more', It seemed like the last call of Love."

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"Clear and resolute, my 'NO' cut off that train of thought. You will know already what happened after my death. The lot of my husband and that of my mother, what happened to my corpse and the proceedings of my funeral are known to me through some natural knowledge we have here. What happens on earth we know only obscurely. But we know what touches us closely. I see also where you are living."

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"I myself awoke from the darkness suddenly, in the instant of my passing. I saw myself as flooded by a dazzling light. It was in the same place where my dead body was lying. It was like a theater, when suddenly the lights in the hall are put out, the curtains are rent aside and an unexpected scene, horrible illuminated, appears. The scene of my life."

.

"My soul showed herself to me as in a mirror; all the graces despised from my youth until my last NO to God. I felt myself like an assassin, to whom his dead victim is shown during his trial at court - Should I repent? Never! - Should I feel ashamed? Never!"

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"However, I could not even stand before the eyes of God, rejected by me. There was only one thing for me: flight! As Cain fled from the dead body of Abel, so my soul rushed from the sight of horror."

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"This was the particular judgment: the invisible Judge said: 'Away from Me'. Then my soul, as a yellow brimstone shadow, fell headlong into the place of eternal torture."

YOU CAN READ THE WHOLE UNEDITED VERSION HERE

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http://sicutincaelo.org/b08_hell.html

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[crimsonrae]

Across the Road, At the Brothel

Chapter Ten

Summary: Jaskier fell in love any day that the sun rose in the East. It was a trifling, pleasurable experience for him. Even when he was jumping out a window to avoid cuckolded husbands. So what happens when his trifles start to become more significant? Jaskier/OC. Some Yennefer/Geralt

A/N: Jaskier is just too adorable not to write about. This is a relationship development story with an OC. There will be smut in later chapters and plenty of angst.

Rating: Mature

Simple and Complex

"Twas early one morning a fair maid arose,

And slipped away with her lover's clothes,

And off to the fields a sure she goes

With naught e'na kiss in the morning early."

An unwilling smile pulled at Lyrra's lips as she smothered a sigh and attempted to pay her bard no mind. She finished hanging a few freshly laundered shirts and trousers as she listened to his approach. She had slipped out of her cottage long before Jaskier had woken. A basket of laundry in hand as she went to the stream – Geralt had roused enough from his place by her hearth to note her exit but seemed incline to rest longer himself. She was grateful for the solitude. It gave her a chance to gather her thoughts and calm the whirlwind that Jaskier had incited in her. She needed the distance and the time to figure out -

"Are you really just going to ignore me?"

Him.

Lyrra glanced around the shirt she was pinning up with a raised brow to see him standing proudly with his hands on his hips, "Did you say something?"

Jaskier narrowed his gaze at her in an odd mix of exasperation and amusement, "Lyrra."

"Jaskier." She intoned and bit back a smirk as he huffed.

A sly glint entered his eyes as he began to sing again.

"The bard arose and he discovered her sin,

His heart and his song composed quite the din."

Lyrra could not help the faint laugh that left her as she listened to him. Puckish amusement danced in his blue orbs as he sidled up next to her and slid an arm around her waist.

"And he had the will for to greet her so slim

With a kiss in the morning early."

She didn't need the last line of his song to see the kiss coming. A quiet sigh left her as she welcomed his familiar embrace. Her skin still tingled with the memory of their coupling and the calm she had achieved was swiftly thwarted by his touch. Reluctantly, she pulled away.

Jaskier smiled contentedly at her, "Good morning."

"It's afternoon, you slept the morning away." Lyrra replied lightly as she moved her basket under the tree her clothesline was tethered on, "And I'm rather sure those aren't the words to that song."

"Ehh, I'm a bard, pretty much gives me free rein to change the words." Jaskier shrugged. His keen eyes cataloged her every move, "You should've slept the morning away too. You were up as long as I was."

As if to prove his point, Lyrra found herself swallowing a yawn. In all actuality, she had been up longer than he had. Her mind had not been able to let the events of the night settle and her dreams had taken a dark turn once she had drifted off. She still wasn't sure what had come over her in that bathing chamber, she was never that bold. Yet, bold was the only way to describe her actions from the time he entered until...well. A blush rose to her cheeks and she could see a salacious grin crossing Jaskier's lips from her periphery at the sight. He knew well where her mind had gone.

"Stop it." She murmured lowly, refusing to look in his direction.

"Stop what?" His tone dripped with quiet laughter.

"You know what." She glowered faintly at him and wished that she still had a few shirts to pin to the line, if only to have something to do besides stare at him.

He tilted his head and his mirthful smile continued to tease her as he said, "You are adorably shy in the light of day. I do hope that I never make you stop blushing."

It was her turn to huff, "Jaskier."

He chuckled quietly and reached for her again, "Now what happened to the woman who had her wicked way with me last night, hmm?"

Lyrra was sure her face was scarlet now at his words as she allowed him to draw her close again, "She came to her senses."

"That sounds...not good." Jaskier murmured as he tilted her chin up and frowned bemusedly at her, "I suppose it's time we actually have that talk."

Lyrra shifted awkwardly under his gaze as she ruefully wondered which talk he was referring to, their tryst or her back. Neither was a conversation she particularly wanted to have, if for completely different reasons. She had been grateful when the topic had fallen to the wayside upon returning to her cottage.

She forced a smile when she realized she was taking too long to respond, "That talk."

"Yes, the one you've been trying to figure out how to avoid since I brought it up last night." Jaskier uttered faintly amused as she looked away somewhat sheepishly and bit back a sigh, "Believe it or not, not a conversation I want to have either, but as fun, as our little dance has been... we do need to -"

He waved his hand about as he tried to find the right words. Lyrra took pity on him as her smile turned a little more genuine, "Clear the air? Create some boundaries? Form an understanding?"

Jaskier nodded, "Yes, that. That would be good."

Lyrra stifled a giggle as she saw her nerves reflected in his expression. It amazed her how he could go from unerringly confident to uncertain in a matter of seconds, especially around her. She was not someone to be nervous around. Her fingers itched with the need to touch him, reassure him. The impulse to soothe his quiet anxiety was strong and unexpected. She wasn't a tactile person by any means, she usually went out of her way to avoid being touched. Jaskier was her opposite in this manner, he felt everything, like an overgrown toddler. He picked up, played, listened, and sometimes tasted everything with which he came into contact. He took comfort in touch, she knew this implicitly.

As if to prove her unspoken point, he seemed to sense her reluctance and reached out to caress her cheek, "What is it? Talk to me."

"It's nothing – I just...I tend to get carried away with you."

Jaskier raised a brow as he prodded her to continue, "And that's a bad thing?"

"It's not like me." She mumbled quietly and resisted the urge to fidget. She didn't know how to explain to him the maelstrom he made her feel. How she found him both comforting and disconcerting. How she allowed him more liberties than anyone since...since ever.

"Again, that's a bad thing?" He was more curious now than concerned. Jaskier had been far from surprised when he had woken to find her gone... simply disappointed. He was quickly beginning to learn that avoidance was his lover's instinctual response to anything that made her -

"It's an uncomfortable thing." Lyrra grimaced.

Uncomfortable. He smiled gently at her, at least she was somewhat aware of her tendencies, "You know, I typically don't do serious."

Lyrra blinked at the strange segue, "Really? Hadn't noticed."

He bit back a laugh at her dry tone as he made his point, "Serious is complicated and boring and messy. I like easy and fun, simple... but you, my lovely Lyrra, you are very complicated and serious. But I can say with absolute certainty you are not boring. You make me curious."

She merely stared at him still unsure where he was going with his little lecture.

"Curious. Confused. Uncomfortable." Jaskier answered placing a special emphasis on that last word, "No, strike that – you don't make me uncomfortable; you make me uncertain. None of that is necessarily a bad thing, you know?"

"Hasn't been my experience." Lyrra replied softly.

"No, I suppose it hasn't." His fingers brushed across her back and the brand he now knew rested there and she tensed at the reminder, "I don't think that I make you uncomfortable, either. I think it's that you enjoy yourself with me that discomfits you. Tell me you didn't enjoy yourself last night."

Her cheeks burned and she couldn't meet his eyes as she fumbled for a response, "I... you know, I did."

"Do you want to do it again?" He asked quietly and linked his fingers with hers.

Lyrra felt her stomach flutter at the question as she tried vainly to ignore the heat that rushed through her veins, "...yes."

"So do I." He murmured softly and unconsciously leaned into her, "Is that really so unsettling?"

Her grey eyes were drawn to his lips, "...yes. You unsettle me, Jaskier."

"How?"

"I crave you. I've known you barely a fortnight." Lyrra whispered, not missing the desirous look that entered his eyes at her words, "And I crave your kisses and your touch... even your voice. I don't crave people. I don't know what to do with you."

"I think you know exactly what to do with me." He couldn't help the tease that left his tongue even as she hit his arm, "Ow."

Vaguely annoyed, she attempted to pull away from him again, but he refused to let her step back. "Alright, okay. I'm sorry. I don't do serious, remember? It's just... this doesn't have to be hard, it can be simple."

Lyrra sighed frustrated, "Nothing about this is simple."

"Only because you're making it complicated." Jaskier pointed out somewhat humorously, "We already agreed to not get married and after last night, I think we're agreed we can't be merely friends. Especially, since we both admitted we want a repeat..." His words slowly caught up with him and he offered her an acknowledging nod, "Right, we may be a little complicated."

Lyrra snorted and shook her head at him. He was utterly ridiculous and she adored it despite herself, "Let me make this simple. I like you, Jaskier. That's simple. You like me back, that's simple too. Last night was great and yes, I want it to happen again, but I'm not sure that it should."

"Why?" He breathed the questioned startled.

The possibility of them not continuing their affair had not occurred to the bard, she could see that plainly and sighed again, "In a day, a week, sometime rather soon you're going to be gone, Jaskier... And I don't - I don't want to miss you."

He looked like he had been struck and Lyrra tried not to wince under his stare or to follow after him when he stepped away. She felt cold at his abrupt distance. Perhaps, she had worded that too harshly. Guilt twisted in her gut as she silently pleaded with him to understand what she couldn't say.

"Right." A bitter laugh escaped him, "Oh, avoidance should really be your middle name, Lyrrana."

"Jaskier-"

"No." He shook his head and cut her off, "You don't want to miss me? That's shit, if ever I heard it. Let's reword that, shall we? What you really mean to say is: Jaskier, you're going to hurt me, so let's not even bother."

A stone sank with a ferocious crash in her stomach as his words and gaze scolded her like an unruly child. She wanted to be angry with him, but he wasn't entirely wrong. She stared helplessly, not sure how to respond or even if she should.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I really should've rented that room for us last night." He murmured almost sadly, "I'm not going to hurt you, Lyrra."

She swallowed tightly, "I know..."

"Do you?!" His disbelief seared her and she found she couldn't meet his gaze any longer, "Do I scare you, Lyrra? Last night did I -"

"No. No, Jaskier." Lyrra interrupted before he could finish his question, "I wanted last night. You didn't push me or force me."

Jaskier stared at her as he replayed everything he had said and done in that bathing chamber. A slow realization began to creep on him, "But I did scare you."

"No."

Despite the certainty in her voice, he knew it was a lie. It wasn't physical intimacy that was causing Lyrra's hesitance over their affair, it was emotional, "I did. When I saw your back. When I demanded you let me in, I scared you."

Lyrra's lips tightened into a thin line as she glared at him, "No."

Jaskier didn't seem to hear her as he muttered, "How am I attracted to the most emotionally stunted people on the bloody Continent?"

"Jaskier." She sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "Can we forget this conversation and go back to where you kissed me good morning?"

He looked as frustrated as she felt as he, in turn, uttered, "No. I promised you last night we go at your pace, not mine... I'll see if I can get my room back at the inn."

"You don't have to." Lyrra started softly.

Jaskier forced a smile at her and she hated it, "Yeah, I do. I think we both need our space. Simpler this way."

She went to protest further, but he cut her off once again.

"Oh...one more thing." A determined expression marred his visage as he swept back into her space and pressed his lips to hers. Lyrra gasped faintly at the sudden contact and he stole the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Unconsciously, her hands rose to tangle in his hair as he backed her against the trunk of the tree. A fiery thrill rushed through her veins as coherent thought left her and all she could do was cling to him as she simply felt.

She felt his warmth and the subtle strength in his body as he pressed against her. She felt his almost desperate grip on her hips and tasted his passion as he took his fill. He hadn't kissed her like this before... He was usually gentle, curious, searching, but this was demanding, almost possessive, it was dizzying. It wasn't until she completely melted into his touch that he pulled away and pressed his head to hers.

A smug gleam sparkled in his eyes, "That's what I thought too."

Utter confusion descended on Lyrra as she stared at him, "What?"

His smile was even smugger, "The thing about having this talk is that declaring our intentions goes both ways. I'll stay at the inn, but I fully intend to end up back in your bed and if I happen to fall into your heart, all the better. You don't get to ignore me. You don't get to be afraid of me, Lyrra. I'm not that scary."

No, he was terrifying.

He stole one more kiss before starting his trek to the cottage. Lyrra was left bewildered to stare after him. She shouted out the only thing that came to mind before he got too far, "This is far from simple!"

Jaskier spun on his heel and grinned, "Yeah, but I already told you – you're complicated. And I like you. Besides, I'm not that easy to get rid of, ask Geralt."

He disappeared around the bend a second later and Lyrra covered her face in disbelief, "He's absolutely mad."

»»————-　　————-««

Geralt felt a headache coming on as he headed back towards the woods. Enough time had passed since he had last checked the clearing that whoever had created the mutated fleders would have had the chance to find their corpses. He hoped anyway. Otherwise, he would need to figure out another way to track down those creature's creator and that meant spending more time in the Toussaint countryside than he was comfortable. Especially, now that Jaskier and Lyrra were...

He didn't know what the fuck those two were doing.

Which in part was why he had a headache now. Jaskier had been gathering his things when he had left the cottage, muttering under his breath about being drawn to emotionally constipated people.

Geralt didn't ask.

He would really rather not know.

What he had gleaned was that they were getting rooms at the inn. Despite his earlier protestations about overstaying their welcome in Lyrra's home, he wasn't looking forward to dealing with the general populace again. He pushed the thought aside as he moved quietly through the brush. The smell of rot had only become heavier in the days that followed and he no longer needed to follow his tracks back to the clearing. The other change was the faint buzzing of flies that filled his ears. The fleders decomp had attracted more insects. His teeth clenched as he resigned himself to the fact that the creator of the two beasts either had not bothered to look for them or the corpses hadn't been discovered yet.

There certainly hadn't been any talk amongst the locals about the discovery of two fleder corpses. He sighed as he stepped fully out of the woods and casually observed the clearing again. The flesh was almost completely gone from the fleders now... wait...fleder. One. Geralt tilted his head and eyed the shadows behind the first corpse. He wasn't mistaken there was only one body now. The other was gone.

He strode forward and bent to study the ground. There were drag marks, but that could have been from an animal dragging the body away for food. Yet, he found that scenario unlikely. Most scavengers could sense a potentially dangerous meal. The venom the fleder created would likely have made it toxic to any creature that attempted to eat it.

More silently than he had entered the clearing, he exited following the tracks. Even then, he could have followed his nose the stench was so bad. Whoever or whatever had come to claim the body had done so recently. It wasn't long before he stumbled onto a narrow path.

The trees had thinned and he could make out neatly organized rows of barren grape vines through the foliage. He must have been on the edge of one of the vineyards. Frowning, he continued on his hunt. Geralt noted the unnatural stillness in the air as he walked. He heard no birds or little critters scurrying through the brush. There were no distant sounds of farmhands, not even a breeze of wind to stir the leaves. A familiar twinge in his gut had him ill at ease, he wasn't the only predator afoot.

He must have walked a quarter-mile when he did finally hear it. It was low and shrill like an out of tune string on a lute. A song. Someone was singing. His twinge turned into a solid sinking instinct as he had a good assumption of what he was about to discover. His hand twitched for his sword as he dimly realized he had not brought the silver one with him. He had anticipated a human threat, not a monster. Geralt knew he had a choice to make – he could continue on and have his assumptions proven correct, but be ill-equipped to deal with the threat or he could head back and return later to a threat that had potentially disappeared.

Sighing quietly, he drew his sword and bent to pull a small silver dagger from his boot. It wasn't much, but it would have to do. He skirted to the edge of the path as he moved like a stalking cat around the bend. His golden eyes missed nothing as he took in the dilapidated ruins of an old manor. Past the tumbled walls he could make out the form of a woman. Her singing was louder now as she hunched over the rotted form of the missing fleder. A bruxa.

He watched for a moment as the bruxa continued to sing. Her head tilted back enough that he could see what appeared to be tears streaming down her cheeks as she caressed the festered corpse. Geralt frowned in confusion.

Had the bruxa made the fleders? Was that even possible?

It wasn't unheard of for bruxae to hunt in packs, but he had never known a bruxa to bother with a fleder. The creatures were usually too stupid and wild to be of notice to the high order vampires.

A low grumbling sounded behind him and Geralt stiffened. It seemed fate had taken his choice from his hand. He whipped around to see a very alive, very hungry looking fleder. The commotion had garnered the attention of the bruxa and her song turned into a screeching cry.

"Fuck." Geralt muttered.

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[addictedtostorytelling]

Part 1- Hi! (Feel free to ignore I don’t want to bother you) your lost answer to anon got me thinking about an old headcanon I could never get str8 (Jate’s my lost otp & I love suliet to pieces). In “LaFleur”, sawyer says Kate’s face is gone from his memory, 3y’s enough to get over someone. But as soon as she’s back, he keeps glancing @ her as to figure out if he believes his own words. Except from the obvious writers’ ambiguous trick to keep the “square” alive for a bit longer,

Part 2- I thought it was some sort of leftover tenderness they shared toward each other (that Jack/Juliet didn’t get) cause despite their incompatibility, I believe they genuinely loved each other. So my question really is: do you think, post “the end” S & K find à way to accept that they care about each other, help each other get over their losses, learn to belong even if it’s just in each other’s lives (as friends or more) ? Sorry for this novel and thanks.

hey @clarissemcc!

so my headcanon for how things turn out with kate and sawyer post-island is definitely on the angsty side.

i’ll tuck it after the “keep reading,” just to be safe.

___________

as the final on-screen events of the original timeline in the series finale take place, jack has made the decision to remain behind on the island (where he soon dies), and juliet is already dead, meaning that both kate and sawyer return to civilization faced with the prospect of going through the rest of their lives bereft of their respective soulmates.

both of them undoubtedly mourn.

both of them undoubtedly suffer. 

but, ultimately, kate is better equipped to cope with her loss than sawyer is his.

that’s not to say that things are easy for kate, of course.

when she is finally reunited with jack in the flash-sideways universe, the sheer yearning in her “i’ve missed you so much” admission implies that she has likely spent years on years---a full lifetime---in the ot grieving him. 

losing jack after just having reconciled with him for the first time since their falling out in the wake of their broken engagement and after everything that they had been through together both on and off of the island most certainly leaves her heartbroken and reeling. 

she probably never really gets over mourning him and wondering “what if---?”

i honestly don’t see her ever getting in another long-term relationship or marrying after him; if she was going to “settle down” in that way, he was the one person she was going to do so with.

that said, i do think that, overall, she is able to face that grief (however long she has to) because she has a sense of purpose in leaving the island. 

she’s going to help claire raise aaron.

and i tend to believe that having someplace to go and something important to do helps her endure a life without jack.

that’s where she encounters whatever healing is available to her and “learns to belong,” like you talk about.

before crashing on the island, she is a fugitive runaway with nothing good or lasting in her life, but afterward she has two people who are looking to her to provide stability for them; she has a family, a home, and, most significantly, a reason to stick around.

not so with sawyer.

before the island, he is placeless---a traveling con man, in and out of prison, lacking a solid identity, much less a sense of purpose.

on the island, and particularly during the 70s in dharmaville, he finally gains grounding, becoming a super competent leader under the guise of jim lafleur and finding a partner---in every sense of the word---in juliet.

and had he been able to leave the island with juliet and marry her, as per his plan, i think he would have continued in the upward trajectory we see from him in s5 and s6. he would have listened to his better angels.

but in the wake of losing juliet, i’m not sure he can---and not just because she’s gone but because he blames himself for her death.

for as gut-wrenching as leaving jack behind on the island is for kate---and particularly knowing that he is badly wounded and possibly close to death---she can at least take solace in the fact that jack makes a choice for himself, and she can honor his willing sacrifice by taking care of his sister and nephew.

sawyer knows no such comfort.

he blames himself for juliet’s death on multiple levels: because he asked juliet to stay with him on the island for “two weeks” which turned into three years (see episode 05x08 “lafleur”); because his behavior around kate after she returned to the island eventually prompted juliet to sign on for jack’s plan to blow up the jughead (see episode 05x16 “the incident” pt. i); and because he literally couldn’t hold onto juliet and dropped her down the shaft (see episode 05x17 “the incident” pt. ii). 

though one could try to argue with him that juliet exercised personal agency both in remaining on the island with him AND detonating the bomb, his guilt and self-loathing would never accept such appeals.

in his mind, he killed the only person he ever truly loved.

and without her, not only does he have nowhere to go and nothing to do post-island, but he also carries with him the sense that he doesn’t deserve to get to go anywhere or do anything.

he doesn’t want to carry on in her absence.

he wants to suffer for his sins.

he wants to experience every moment of agony rightly owed him for his actions.

filled with guilt, pain, and the impulse to self-castigate, i just can’t imagine him faring well.

though kate might try to convince him to not give up, i don’t think he’d listen to her or accept any attempts by her to take care of him---and particularly not because he knows that part of what persuaded juliet to blow up the warhead was her assumption, however erroneous, that he would eventually choose kate over her (“i changed my mind when i saw you look at her”).

even just being around kate as a friend would trigger his guilt in the extreme.

and while he wouldn’t blame kate---as he says he doesn’t, per the scene on the pier---he would still blame himself.

he would always blame himself.

hate himself, even.

and a self-hating sawyer is a dangerous one.

i mean, self-hatred is what underlies his jerky, bullying, posturing behavior during the early seasons of the show, right? and, by comparison, that self-hatred is of a more “garden variety,” rooted in his sense that he has become someone despicable, rather than an extremely personal sense of loss (and fault).

so much more extreme will be his bent over juliet---and so much the worse his self-sabotaging behavior as a consequence.

the pre-show sawyer is an outlaw who lives dangerously, but he ultimately possesses a self-preservative instinct; he is a consummate survivor.

that’s part of what makes him and kate so similar.

and him and juliet, for that matter.  

but this sawyer---the one who feels responsible for getting the woman he loves killed---won’t care what happens to him anymore.

so he won’t do himself in all at once---not when he has a very strong sense that he deserves to suffer for what he has done for as long as possible---but he will drink and smoke himself sick and pick barfights with guys twice his size and run cons where he’s almost sure to get caught and then pull his gun on the cops who show up to arrest him; he’ll be a fucking mess, the likes of which would make even bearded, pill-popping, oceanic-six, los angeles jack go, “oh shit.”

and without any sense of grander purpose, i don’t know that sawyer would be able to pull himself out of the spiral.

kate might try to argue that he has an obligation to take care of himself if not for his own sake than for clementine’s, but he’d probably say that his daughter’s only interaction with him being by way of the trust fund he left for her is for the best.

honestly, i don’t think his story in the ot has any kind of happy ending.

and i don’t think he lasts as long as kate does.

just based on the way i understand his character, i doubt that sawyer allows himself to find any sort of refuge with kate post-island in the ot, either friendly or romantic, even if she tries to offer it to him. he also probably eschews company of any kind from anyone, including their other friends from the island. 

for my money, there is just too much hurt and guilt in him, for which he cannot permit himself any sort of peace, so he strikes out on his own (“some of us are meant to be alone”) to disastrous effect.

while kate undoubtedly worries about him, i think that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, she makes the conscious decision to focus her energies on claire and aaron, resigning herself to the fact that sawyer doesn’t want to be saved, and particularly not by her. 

ultimately, i think their paths diverge.

she learns to live again after the island, and he doesn’t.

all of this postulation given, i’m certainly not harshing on your headcanon! it’s way happier than mine and, frankly, a whole lot nicer to think about.

lest i end on a super negative note here, i’ll finish up by saying that i find it highly significant that in the flash-sideways, kate once again finds purpose in helping claire with aaron, while sawyer is searching---not only as a detective for his parents’ killer but literally walking around with a big, yellow sunflower (his bloom of choice for juliet), trying to find where (or rather to whom) he belongs, hopeful for the life he has always wanted to lead with her. 

though he doesn’t get any kind of happy ending in the ot, at least by my estimation, he does eventually find what he’s looking for in the flash-sideways, and that reunion with juliet is so healing for him. 

anyway, i’m rambling here.

thanks for the question! feel welcome to send another any time. 

[tsukiyaki]

2020 LC: Session 3

Meeting dates: 3.25 & 4.10

Our first of many remote cohort meetings. I’m thankful to technology for keeping us connected as we shelter in place.

I went in very miffed that I wasn’t allowed to use the Zoom desktop app on my corporate device anymore, which meant no more gallery view of all the participants :( I came out begrudgingly admitting that that actually improved my learning experience. 

Confession: being able to see everyone at once makes it easy for me to get distracted by or only focus on the people I find most interesting. My natural tendency is to tune out anything but the most captivating thing in front of me. But when I’m always looking at the face of the current speaker, and the web interface is so bad that chatting someone else up privately is inconvenient, I actually focus, listen, and engage. 

From strangers to friends

This session was a turning point for me. It marked a significant shift in relational dynamics. I noticed that I was waiting eagerly to see many different people, not just A. When they showed up, I couldn’t contain a heartfelt smile. These were no longer strangers in a dull corporate setting who I felt like I had to prove myself to. They had become people I trusted and felt safe to be myself around. 

I was much more confident in the value that I inherently brought just by being me, and that gave me the freedom to start to earnestly invest in their growth too. To my delight, I also discovered that I’m the only Nurturer in the entire cohort. Although having another Nurturer would challenge me to grow a lot more in learning to speak up even if someone else has similar value to add, I will shamelessly milk this opportunity to feel amazing about being the uncontested resource my cohort turns to every time we talk about Nurturers.

I felt so alive and excited every time someone asked me a question about how to work with Nurturers and communicate with them better. I was so heartened that there are people who care to ask these questions. Then I started to enter “I’m so high, I feel unsafe” territory when the Pioneers showed me they respected me. 

From nemesis to confidante

One of the Pioneers I had talked to in our last cohort meeting, an entire month ago, shared that I had opened her eyes to what she can sound like to quieter leadership voices. Another Pioneer reached out and asked to talk to me regularly outside of cohort hours for advice on how to communicate better with her husband, a Nurturer Connector like me. 

Pioneers are one of the Nurturer’s nemesis voices, but they also happen to be the voice that I am personally most drawn to. We learned that younger couples have a tendency to marry their nemesis voice out of some inherent survival instinct that draws us to people who can complement our weaknesses with their strengths (we have a lot of Pioneer Nurturer couples). Apparently the older we get though, the more likely we are to marry someone with a voice similar to ours, because we’re less willing to change. I have personally concluded from this information that I am still young.

Overall, this cohort session convinced me that there’s great value in walking through a leadership journey with a consistent group of people like this. It also helped me realize that my voice truly does matter.

From father to Father

If you recall, Session 2 had been a trainwreck for me. What changed between then and now was some deep soul searching and coming back into alignment with God.

It started with my prior shame from imposter syndrome and guilt being annihilated by grace. 2 weeks before this session, I “confessed my sins” to A during our 1:1, ready to grovel for forgiveness. Instead, he only teased me once for calling him a liar before speaking into the insecurities I confessed to having. This cohort has been rewiring my brain to stop calling people out for their past failures, and to start calling them up into who I firmly believe they can be, like A continues to do for me.

As one of my friends had sent me into this call with the blessing, “I hope he makes you cry again,” I thought I had won by not leaking tears. So as the call came to an end, I proudly declared, “It was a close one, but I didn’t cry!” A immediately confirmed that he thought he saw me tear up twice, but he wasn’t sure until now. Then he invited me to talk about it, if I was willing to. I was so shocked that he even noticed. My foolish pride led me down a whole different path of vulnerability.

It didn’t take long for either of us to realize that as much as I didn’t want to be, I was in danger of projecting the needs my dad never met in my life onto him, simply because he has been everything to me that I never thought a male authority figure could be. 

He set me back on the right path by firmly yet gently telling me, “I don’t want to be your dad. I can’t be. I’m human, and I will eventually fail you one day. You cry about this topic because it’s still raw and fresh in your heart. What you need to do is run to the Father again and again and receive His love. You’ll know when the healing is complete. One day, you'll be able to think and talk about these things without crying anymore.”

[blue-mint-winter]

BSG 4x19 Daybreak rewatch

I cried. This is the end of this epic journey, this is a goodbye to those amazing characters.

It’s really hard to talk about it in a calm and analyzing fashion, but I believe that the resolutions we got were fitting and satisfying.

What really struck me is that in the finale finally we reach a real unity between Cylons and humans. They now fight side by side as comrades and it’s not just the skinjobs, but Centurions too. Even Adama crosses the line he thought he’d never cross - he allows for Sam to be hooked up to systems in CIC, becoming a Hybrid for Galactica.

This episode does this really neat trick of showing us the life of certain characters before the fall. We see how certain events and decisions they made, seemingly random and insignificant, led their fate to Galactica and now.

The whole mission to save Hera - I like how it’s shown as this crazy, for volunteers only, last stand of Galactica, the last battle. But this irrational mission is the key, the visions and prophecies came to fruition there and Kara finally fulfilled her purpose and found the way to Earth.

I love the moment in which Kara puts in the coordinates she got from her father’s song and they jump. Incredible scene.

Hoshi becomes Admiral of the remaining Fleet. So he followed in his boyfriend’s footsteps in a way.

Hera is rescued thanks to Boomer. Boomer’s fate is just really bittersweet. We get a flashback of her when Adama gave her the second chance instead of throwing her out for doing a bad job as a pilot and how she said she owed him one. Returning Hera is Boomer paying that debt. She can become that person she once was, before all the betrayals - one of Adama’s kids. Boomer’s final choice is to side with humanity, with Galactica. But she still pays for all her sins with death by Athena’s hand.

I don’t really know how to feel about Athena killing Boomer. On one hand who else would be more suitable to do it, on the other hand maybe suicide would have been a better option? As a callback to S1 when Boomer was unable to kill herself because of her programming, if she overcame that now... However, Athena killing Boomer is the closest it can get to a suicide. They share those memories from before the attack on the Colonies. Athena is who Boomer could have been.

Gaius deciding to stay on Galactica in the last minute makes sense. I wonder why Head Six told him to go, to use his new political power and influence thanks to his followers in the Fleet. Maybe reverse psychology? Maybe she was testing him. Because he had to stay for everything to unfold in the right way.

I love Gaius and Caprica reconciling. It’s not hard to see that he chose to stay because she was staying. And for once Gaius didn’t listen to his self-preservation instincts, because something was much stronger - his love for Caprica Six.

Gaius’ flashbacks to how he met Caprica Six were wonderful. She became a witness to an argument between Gaius and his father who stabbed a nurse and I love just how it must have affected her. She thinks of Cylons as humanity’s children and then she saw this example of a father and son being so completely at odds, unable to understand each other, fighting.

Caprica Six finding a nice retirement house for Gaius’ father where he could be happy may have been part of her scheme to get access to defense mainframe, but I believe it was more than that. I think she would’ve been able to seduce it out of Gaius without that. Caprica through this good deed won Gaius’ heart, she saw and reached the man under the arrogant scientist. And how funny it was him who first used the “L” word. Gaius Baltar talking about love, than quickly backpedaling to cover up that he was actually open about his feelings for once.

Gaius’ role in the finale is what he does best - talking. This time his words reach CAVIL, so that he gives them Hera.

Turns out that Roslin’s opera house vision had one purpose only - so she’d hide Hera from Centurions in that one critical moment on Galactica. If she never had that vision, she’d never go out of sickbay to look for Hera and the child would’ve never gotten to Gaius and Six and CIC and there would be no ceasefire between Cavil faction and human-Cylon alliance.

Final Five scene. Oh wow. So Tigh offers Cavil resurrection tech for Hera and all Five have to combine their knowledge, but it also lets them know everything else about each other. And that’s when the hour of reckoning comes to Tory.

I have to say that on one hand I love that Tyrol had that Cally flashback, how she was on his side from the start. He loved her, maybe not like Boomer, but they built a life together, a marriage, she stayed by his side through some very tough times. Their relationship meant a lot to him, otherwise he’d never have grieved like he did. And Tyrol attacking Tory when he saw her memories of Cally’s murder is significant of that. All in all, after this season did Cally so dirty, I like that the last thing we see of her is a positive memory Tyrol had of her. And her death is avenged.

Ironic that Tory’s downfall was exactly as foreshadowed. She kept this big terrible secret and when it came out, it destroyed her. Gaius did warn her about it once. The secret of her affair with him destroyed Tory’s friendship with Roslin and her last real tie to humanity. But she didn’t learn anything from it, she never came clean about murdering Cally and so she paid the price.

This situation is also interesting when we look at Tyrol’s perspective. After Boomer’s last betrayal he lost all trust in Eights. “They’re just machines,” he says to Helo. Tyrol was once able to forgive Cally for shooting Boomer, he even married her, the killer of his first love. But what Cally did was out of love for him. She was fiercely devoted to him. Tyrol couldn’t forgive Tory for killing Cally, but what Tory did was pure calculated murder. She did it for her own selfish reasons. And even with Cally out of the way, Tyrol was not interested in a relationship with Tory which is something she must have hoped for. In the end he kills Tory in rage and then he swears off all women and lives alone in highlands on some northern island, away from people.

What all of this says about Tyrol is that in my theory he never had a real, deep love with Tory and he compensated by creating Number Eight. Boomer was his perfect woman. Pygmalion and Galatea, anyone?

I can’t help but feel that Tory was so alone. As a human all she had was her job and Roslin. She and Gaius just used each other, it wasn’t meaningful. She easily let him go. It seems in the end she fled from her humanity into giving her all to be a Cylon, but even then she continued being alone. She didn’t really become close with her fellow Final Five and she had no other friends, human or Cylon. I liked that in finale Ellen had a few moments with Tory, giving her some friendship, but it was too little, too late. Tory lived and died alone.

Because of Tory’s death the secret of resurrection is lost. Chaos erupts on the bridge but Cavil’s side is going to lose, so he kills himself.

We finally learn what happened to the mutineers like Racetrack and Skulls - they were imprisoned, but now they got drafted for this suicide mission to attack the Colony and rescue Hera. These two get shot down early in the mission, but when they drift dead in space, in just the right moment Racetrack’s hand falls down and hits the missile button and the Colony is blown up. This is the true end to Cavil’s faction.

I love how the show isn’t afraid of showing this higher power influencing people and events according to its plan. The moment when Caprica Six and Gaius see Head Six and Head Gaius is still one of my favourites. The whole vision coming true and Kara putting in the coordinates she took from the song and Racetrack’s missiles shooting at just the right time all aren’t an accident.

So they found Earth, our Earth, and they decide to settle all over the planet and start over with a clean slate.

Kara’s goodbye with Sam was just so touching. The dogtags, I love you, “See you on the other side.” Sam took the Fleet into the sun. And when Kara disappeared we know she joined him.

I love how Sam’s flashback about his search for perfection ties with his ending. By becoming a Hybrid he gained access to that higher plane of mathematics and launching the Fleet into the sun was him achieving that “perfect throw” he was looking for. Through the flashback we saw the deeper side of Sam than the jock. It makes so much sense why he’s one of the Final Five.

Everyone’s settling on Earth, Agathons are back to being a happy family. Ellen finally gets to be with Tigh full-time. Adama and Roslin go off to find a place for their cabin by the lake.

I got so emotional when Gaius said “You know, I know about farming.” This is a beautiful ending to his arc. Not only the skeptic became a true believer, also the man who once despised his upbringing, who wanted to be something more and better than a farmer, now goes back to his roots and it’s important and useful skill to have. He’s no longer ashamed of coming from Aerilon.

Adama and Roslin slayed me. I cried when she died and he put the wedding ring on her finger like in her visions from The Hub. I cried again when he sat by her grave and said that the sunrise reminds him of her. Wow. That love.

Roslin’s flashbacks give us one important insight into her - she literally had no life before Galactica. She lost all her family and her life became empty. She tried to fill it - a date with Sean didn’t work, so she threw herself into politics and Adar’s campaign. Galactica and Adama became her real home. As bittersweet is that they couldn’t have a fairytale perfect ending, I appreciate that Roslin died loving him and being loved in return. She brought them all to Earth as the Dying Leader. It was her time to rest.

Speaking of Earth, it looks like D’Anna really stayed on the nuked old Earth because she never showed up after that episode :(((

Lee and Kara. Their love is really tragic because they could never really be together. The flashback of their first meeting when she was Zak’s girlfriend and they almost cheated puts into focus that they were doomed from the start. All they had were those stolen moments, but something always got in the way, sometimes because of their own doing. In my eyes, Lee and Kara had a complicated love, because they were so many different things to each other all at once. I guess in a way Zak’s ghost always stood between them.

So in the end Kara’s like that pigeon, she annoyed Lee to no end so he smashed a few things chasing her and then she flew away when she wanted to and left him alone.

Okay, so maybe to some people tying up BSG to current times, Hera as the mitochondrial Eve, is controversial, but I think it’s pretty brilliant. Showing how people make robots again in real life now is not really as much about robots as about every other issue BSG told us about. Because we have it all here, right now, happening - torture, terrorism, war, slave labour, corruption, everything. By tying the story to our reality the viewers can’t just close it like a book, “it’s just a scifi, it’s fictional, none of it is real, let’s forget every lesson this show imparted because it has nothing to do with reality.” Wrong! Yes, it’s not real, but it talks about things that happen in real life. It shows us that when we only see the same-faced enemy, we forget that they are only human just like us. To avoid the mutual annihilation, we should strive to better understand each other, to find common ground.

So that’s it. This is the end of line. Farewell, BSG, one of the best frakking shows ever made.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

My favourite Charmed episodes - season 3

This is the third part to my Favourite Charmed Episodes meta series all posts in the series will be tagged as #favecharmedeps.

Ah, season 3. I’ve always loved this season and regarded it as being one of my favourites because it feels like this is where the show really hits the ground running and is the first season whereby I consider nearly every episode to be good (with the exception of Wrestling with Demons but even that episode isn’t all bad even if we just count seeing Prue and Phoebe being bad asses and fighting in the ring). Once again all three sister’s have great arc’s this season - Prue learns to balance work and play; Piper struggles in her relationship with Leo and finally marries him; Phoebe graduates college and enters into a very dramatic and intense relationship with Cole. We also see a lot of sister bonding this season, particularly between Prue and Phoebe at the start of the season, who are left alone for a month whilst Piper is with Leo. Power Outage, is also a great episode for sister bonding, which I’ll discuss more later. I’ve chosen 7 episodes from this season as my favourites which I’ll be discussing in this post and they are - All Halliwell’s Eve, Power Outage, Coyote Piper, The Good, the Bad and the Cursed, Just Harried, Sin Francisco and Look Who’s Barking. 

All Halliwell’s Eve (3x04)

This one should come as no surprise to anybody. I don’t think there’s a single Charmed fan that wouldn’t rate this episode in their top 10 episodes across the series. It’s partly because this episode is fun - it has two things that Charmed fans are a sucker for costumes and time travel, it has Leo and Darryl working together and a Halloween theme (who doesn’t love a good Halloween episode?). But more than that, this episode is one of my favourites because it taps into the core of the sisters heritage and traditions as witches. There’s something so enjoyable and interesting about seeing the sisters fully explore their magic and understand the history of their ancestors, how they lived and where their power originated from. They briefly experienced this kind of interaction with Melinda in The Witch is Back (1x09), but it was nice to have that expanded on and for the sisters to have the opportunity to meet their ancestors even beyond Melinda. 

Since the sisters didn’t have their powers for a majority of this episode it was great to see them do good without the safety net of their powers and to find alternate methods to channel their magic. For me, that (amongst other things) is what really sets the early seasons apart from the later seasons - the sisters were constantly trying to find new methods, strategies and techniques in how they fought evil and saved innocents beyond simply using their active powers. 

I’m also a sucker for the Halloween theme and the way it tapped into what has become a commercialised holiday, stripped it back and explored what it meant to covens of witches in the seventeenth century. 

I also loved how there were implications that the sisters shaped their own futures in this episode. They saved Melinda from evil, meaning their family line was able to develop over the generations because of the sisters - they saved their family and their future. It’s also ironic that at the start of the episode Phoebe condemns the portrayal of witches in popular culture, but ends up being the one that creates that image by wearing the pointy hat, flying a broom and cackling. It’s a nice slice of irony. 

Overall, this episode is just very pleasing to watch visually and thematically, and it still disappoints me that this is the only proper Halloween episode we got across the series since Halloween is probably the main holiday of significance for witches in regards to the traditions and history of covens. 

Power Outage (3x07)

I love this episode and think it’s very underrated. It’s a fantastic episode for the sisters’ relationships with each other, Phoebe and Cole’s relationship and generally has great drama and storytelling. 

Charmed was built on the premise that it’s about sisters that are witches, not witches that are sisters and this episode really enforces that philosophy. The sisters bicker and argue over trivial things that siblings typically argue about, and it serves as a reminder that regardless of how much the sisters love each other or how close they are, underneath it all they’re still just human sisters. The fact that the biggest vulnerability they have that Cole can exploit is their unresolved frustration and anger towards one another is very authentic and it’s scarier, because Cole doesn’t directly target the sisters and attempt to kill them, he uses Andras to amplify tensions and emotions that already exist between the sisters. After their huge argument, when the sisters try to patch up their differences and regain their powers, it’s a pivotal scene in allowing them to address the flaws in their dynamics - as the eldest sister Prue can be too overbearing and judgemental, as the middle sister Piper can be taken for-granted and overlooked and as the youngest Phoebe is regarded irresponsible and reckless by Prue and Piper. These are fundamental traits that we know exist within the trio throughout seasons 1 and 2, but the issues they cause are never fully addressed between all three of them until this point. Ironically, Cole’s attempt to sever the bond between the sisters only serves to bring them closer together. 

Speaking of Cole, this is a very interesting episode for him. This is the episode where we truly see his struggle with his mission to kill the sisters and his inner turmoil over his growing feelings for Phoebe. I’ve spoken about this before, but I think this episode is when Cole starts to realise that he’s really falling for Phoebe and it terrifies him. After her argument with Prue and Piper, Phoebe goes to his apartment and is crying and very vulnerable. He has her right where he wants her, he even has a knife in his hand ready to kill her but he can’t bring himself to do it. The fact that the episode ends with Cole killing the Triad proves that he’s no longer committed to his mission or able to go through with it. 

What makes this episode so brilliant is that it provides insight into the emotions of the sisters and Cole, and gives a tremendous pay-off with the sisters overcoming their differences and banding together, and Cole killing the Triad in a fit of rage because of the way he was feeling. 

Coyote Piper (3x09)

This is probably one of my all time favourite Charmed episodes and has been since I was a kid. And it’s not just because we get to see Piper dancing on the bar on leather pants, although that does go down in history as being one of the more memorable scenes of the series haha. It’s because it’s such a great Piper-centric episode and it also gives a lot of focus to my favourite sister relationship - Prue and Piper. 

Although we already know Piper as having a more reserved personality than her sisters, this episode is the first time we get insight into why that is. Piper’s unpopularity at school and inferiority complex explains a lot of her behaviours as an adult, particularly in season 1 where she is a lot more malleable and somewhat of a people pleaser. I know that I’m not the only one that relates to this on every single level. I was 100% the Piper at school, I was shy, awkward, self-conscious and although I had my own mind, I cared too much about the approval of others. Because of the pressure of her high school reunion and the fear of how her peers from school will judge her Piper reverts back to her high school self, desperately finding an outfit that will give off the best impression, worrying about what people will say about her life choices and even allowing Missy to order her around. 

In comparison to Piper, Prue is her opposite. We already know Prue is confident, but Prue in this episode stands out once again as being incredibly self-assured. It’s no surprise that she’s revealed to have been extremely popular at high school and the head of the cheer-leading squad. 

The fact that Prue and Piper are opposites in this manner highlights their sisterly dynamic better than any other episode, in my opinion, and explains why Piper reacts the way she does in season 4 after Prue’s death. Piper’s meekness is off-set by Prue’s confidence and outspokenness, and Prue really has to coach Piper through the reunion and push her to stand up for herself. Prue is Piper’s strength and Piper relies on her hugely in this episode for support and guidance, and their interactions in this episode are a direct reflection of how I imagine their relationship to have been at school. When Prue realises that Piper is possessed, we see her make a very emotional admission to Piper about how she feels she’s failed her and should’ve seen the signs that she was possessed sooner. This hearkens back to the theme that’s central to the episode of Prue, as Piper’s big sister, being responsible for keeping her safe. The fact that Prue knew what had to be done and she was brave enough to stab Piper is demonstrative of that big sister quality that Prue has. No matter how hard it gets, she is able to make the toughest and most impossible decisions in order to save Piper. As I mentioned above, this episode serves as a perfect basis for Piper’s grief in season 4 and explains why it is so different from Phoebe’s. Both sisters have a close and loving relationship with Prue, but Piper needs her. Prue is not just her sister, but her best friend, her guardian angel and her strength, and that is a role that Prue played in Piper’s life since she could remember, which is why she found it impossibly hard to adjust to life without her. 

Aside from this episode being important for Prue and Piper’s relationship, it is equally important for Piper’s character development. Piper begins the episode trying to change and be someone different for the benefit of others, and when she’s possessed her agency is taken away and she’s forced to become someone she’s not. That experience is enough to remind Piper that she is who she is and she should remain true to herself no matter what. 

It’s also worth noting that Phoebe’s distance from her sisters in this episode is very noticeable and is great story-telling, since she’s dealing with the aftermath of faking Cole’s death. It’s realistic that Phoebe would find it difficult to look Prue and Piper in the face knowing she’s lying to them and although Phoebe didn’t have a huge role in this episode, her behaviour was very fitting for a person who was suffering through the emotional ordeal that she was. 

The Good the Bad and the Cursed (3x14)

It’s strange that when I was a child I never liked this episode, but by god, I bloody love it now. I enjoy everything about this episode - Victor as a guest star, Alyssa’s acting (it’s off the charts in this episode), Prue and Cole (the twosome I never knew I needed), the time travel, of course, and generally I love this episode thematically. In fact, I love this episode so much that I feel like my thoughts are going to come out in a huge stream of consciousness about everything I love rather than an actual analysis, so forgive me. 

I like this episode from the opening scenes, because we get to see Victor and Phoebe together. It’s a rare moment when we get to see Victor with the girls, and it’s always great to see him actually building relationships with them. Victor left the girls because he was opposed to them being witches, so it was necessary for him to gain insight into what that means. Some of his concerns are validated as he witnesses the pain Phoebe has to endure, but likewise he sees the good that magic can do and how it saves Phoebe. His prejudices about Whitelighters are challenged when he finds out Leo is a Whitelighter (in one of the most hilarious scenes to date) and likewise, he has to face up to the reality of Phoebe being in love with a demon. Overall, this is a very pivotal episode for Victor whose knowledge and understanding of the girls’ lives as witches is brief and his opinions on magic are rather prejudiced and uninformed. It also reinforces his relationships with his daughters - his anger and fear at the possibility of losing Phoebe, his protectiveness of Piper and his desire to get to know Leo as her husband-to-be and the ease with which he interacts with Prue who welcomes him with a warm smile and hug, which is particularly significant given her attitude towards him at the start of the series. 

Bringing Prue and Cole together in this episode is freakin’ genius. Their dynamic is so interesting because it’s characterised by distrust and disdain, but they actually make a great team. They put their feelings towards each other aside and unite because of their shared love for Phoebe. There’s something so compelling about watching the two of them together (I’m not gonna lie, I kinda dig Prue/Cole as a romantic pairing because of this episode, but that’s a separate subject) and the combination of their personalities creates a fascinating dynamic. They’re both impulsive and act on emotion in the moment, and they disagree on almost everything yet they weirdly balance each other out and keep each other in check. There are moments when they have to hold the other back and talk each other down such as when Cole immediately suggests killing Sutter and Prue reminds him that shouldn’t be his first instinct if he’s trying to be good or when Cole reminds an overzealous Prue to be more cautious so as not to draw attention and arouse suspicion. Prue sees Cole for exactly who he is (perhaps even more so than Phoebe who is inclined to see Cole’s goodness and overlook his darkness) and in this episode she uses that darkness in Cole to help them through their mission whilst simultaneously detesting it and scalding him for it. Prue’s reversion of Cole lies in the fact that she does see good in him, but she doesn’t want to admit it because she doesn’t want to let that cloud her judgement and make her forget there is also darkness in him, in the same way that it often clouds Phoebe’s judgement. This episode shows that conflict of good and evil that exists within Cole perfectly, but also demonstrates that despite him still having demon instincts, he’s actually very capable of working together with the sisters and could be a very valuable asset to them (which he does become in season 4). 

Over the course of the series we meet a lot of innocents, but I actually really connected to Bo in this episode and the story of the townspeople. Part of the connection I feel to Bo is likely because he is directly connected to Phoebe, but it’s also the fact that Bo is an innocent victim that has to suffer horrendous torture and a violent death over and over for his people. He’s the literal embodiment of a savior - he dies for the sins and cowardice of his people. I think the reason this story speaks to me so much is because it’s so human and tells an important moral lesson about the importance of banding together and standing up for what’s right. Too many of us stand by and watch something we know is wrong unfold or remain silent when we see someone is being mistreated or suffering an injustice, but this town were cursed for having that kind of cowardice. Seeing the townspeople finally stand up to Sutter and save Bo is such an incredibly powerful moment and it’s very underrated. 

I also can’t talk about this episode without mentioning Alyssa’s acting which is truly incredible in this episode. The scene where Bo is being whipped repeatedly and Phoebe is screaming in pain is so difficult to watch. You really feel the pain of both Bo and Phoebe in that scene and although deep down we know that Prue and Cole won’t fail, for a moment it genuinely feels like they’re going to die. And what makes it even more heartbreaking is that every other time the loop has taken place Bo has felt that pain and it ended with him being shot dead in front of his sister and the entire town, which is heartbreaking. 

I feel like I could talk about this episode all day, it’s very understated and although on the service the Western theme of the episode might deter some people from ranking it in one of the best episodes, it’s a slice of gold which I feel is very overlooked. 

Just Harried (3x15)

This episode is another that I could talk about all day because I love every single scene in this episode - I love the sweet scenes between Piper and Leo as they prepare for the wedding, the appearances of the family Patty, Penny and Victor, Victor and Leo having a heart to heart, Piper opening up to Patty and Victor about her fears of marriage, Prue’s astral self going wild, Piper and Leo getting married in one of the most understated but beautiful and romantic fictional weddings on TV - I just bloody love all of it. 

The family dynamics in this episode are so lovely. The scene with Patty and the sisters alone is one of the most heart warming episodes in the series, so understated and it speaks to anyone who has a loved one they’ve lost whom they would give anything to see again. As I mentioned already, the scenes between Leo and Victor where Leo finally stands up to Victor and tells him he loves Piper and is marrying her whether he likes it or not is such a “HELL YEAH” moment and is the first time Leo truly gets Victor’s respect because he sees how much gumption Leo has. When the wedding is abruptly ended by Prue’s astral self, the entire family (including Cole and Darryl) come together to ensure that the wedding goes ahead because they all believe so strongly in Piper and Leo’s love (the speech Leo gives and Phoebe saying their love has touched them all, is still so sweet and I love it). Seeing Piper’s heart to heart with Victor and Patty about how the failure of their relationship has tarnished her perception of relationships and made her cynical of marriage was a very important scene. Of all the sisters, the impact of Patty and Victor’s split, Patty’s death and Victor’s abandonment is least explored in regards to how it affected Piper. We’re constantly reminded of Prue’s abandonment issues with Victor (particularly in season 1) and her unresolved trauma over Patty’s death which manifests itself in an inability to hold down a relationship. We hear from Phoebe multiple times how she felt the absence of her mother’s comfort and this resulted in her being much more emotional and sensitive than her sisters, which explains why she reacts to Victor in the extreme opposite way to Prue, welcoming him with open arms and love. It also explains why generally love, passion and romance was central to Phoebe’s character throughout the series - it’s almost like she made up for the absence of her parents love in her childhood by giving out twice the love in her adult years and constantly seeking it out in others. But back to the point, that scene Piper shared with her parents was vital for her character and I’m so glad it was them that went to her and convinced her to return to the manor and go through with the wedding. It was also refreshing to see Phoebe take on the middle sister role in this episode, trying to mediate between Prue’s exhaustion because of the antics of her astral self and Piper’s stress about the wedding. She takes the responsibility on her shoulders to make sure Prue is okay whilst simultaneously trying to ensure the wedding plans go smoothly and Piper gets the wedding she so desperately wants.

Prue’s arc in this episode is brilliant and links back to ‘Which Prue is it Anyway?’ in season 1 which explores the duality of Prue’s character. Season 3 generally focuses more on Prue’s struggle between the two aspects of her life and personality - work and play - and this episode reflects that perfectly. It’s always fun to see Prue let go and have some fun, but also astral Prue speaks to most of us on a personal level, right? We all have that feeling sometimes where we’re sick to death of following the status quo, of always abiding by the rules and doing what we’re supposed to do, and every now and again we get this overriding urge to just throw caution to the wind and go crazy. Prue feels that on a grander scale because of the sense of responsibility she carries. Patty speaks of how unfair her death is on Prue because it thrust so much responsibility on her shoulders at a young age, and although technically Prue doesn’t shoulder that responsibility anymore because Piper and Phoebe are adults who make their own choices and live their own lives, that responsibility of being the big sister never goes away, and I’m speaking from experience here. Prue’s arc in this episode speaks to a fundamental contradiction in her character - she resents the responsibility she has to shoulder but she also craves it and needs it. Being the big sister is her purpose in life, and I think the true crisis for her in this episode, which she confirms herself in so many words, is that she no longer feels like Piper and Phoebe need her. Piper is getting married and Phoebe is in her first serious relationship, and she’s starting to see that generally her sisters are relying on her less and less and leading their own lives. In contrast, she compares her own life to theirs and in a romantic sense realises that it doesn’t live up. She hasn’t had a significant connection or relationship since Andy and although she’s very independent, Prue is only human and wants love as much as any of us do. It’s no coincidence that astral Prue strikes up a relationship with TJ; she’s seeking romantic connection. She even says it herself, “I want to find love, I want to have a life” (x). And of course, Phoebe’s college degree in psychology perfectly aligns with this and allows Phoebe to analyse and understand astral Prue and she figures out that she is Prue’s id (her base desires). It’s Phoebe’s reassurance that she and Piper are fine and that they have found love and purpose because of her that releases astral Prue, because astral Prue is born immediately from the lingering responsibility Prue feels that she wants to shed. But then, as I mentioned, she wants to be rid of the responsibility but also knows she will then have a crisis of sorts as she tries to find herself outside of that primary role as big sister. In the past I’ve seen people criticise the focus on Prue in this episode since it should’ve been all about Piper and Leo, but the thing is, it’s very fitting and realistic. A lot of single adults go through a mini crisis of sorts when a close friend or relative gets married, because it makes us feel inadequate. It’s a reminder that we’re alone, that we haven’t found love and that we’re getting left behind. Piper and Leo’s wedding was the trigger for Prue feeling this way and for astral Prue’s appearance. It made perfect sense and was done in a way whereby Piper and Leo still got lots of focus. 

Piper and Leo are written as a big epic love, but they’re also understated and that’s what I love about this episode. They prove how much they love each other and that they’re still willing to fight and overcome any obstacles thrown their way in order to be together. The fact that the wedding didn’t go to plan but that they came back together and get married worked so much for them, and made it feel that much more meaningful. Piper and Leo had already fought just to get to the point of being able to get married in the first place, it would’ve been too easy if their wedding day had been plain sailing. And the way the wedding ceremony actually happened at the end, with the orbs and the improv wedding vows (which were so beautiful) felt so right. It was an intimate and romantic ceremony that had all of the important people there (minus Paige) and I’ll always love it. 

Overall, this episode has so many important themes and captures the variety of family dynamics and personalities of the characters in a very concise way. Each episode is only 40 minutes and it’s very challenging to incorporate the perfect balance between all of the characters (particularly in this instance, since there were additional characters like Patty, Victor and Penny), but this episode manages to do it perfectly. 

Sin Francisco (3x18)

This is an episode that’s grown on me over the years because it’s just so entertaining. It incorporates humour with serious themes regarding humanity. The idea of the sisters and Leo being infected with sin is so great, because it shows that regardless of how good they may be they’re still flawed and have predispositions to sin. It is interesting and entertaining to see the sisters and Leo grapple with the sins they’re infected with and Leo being infected with Sloth is particularly hilarious.

In comparison to the other episodes, I don’t have much more to say, I just really like this episode because I think it’s very entertaining and funny. Although, I am still slightly confused about why Piper was infected with Gluttony and Leo with Sloth, since neither of them usually have a predisposition to either of those sins. I understand why Phoebe was infected with lust because her character is very invested in love and romance and we see her date a lot across the seasons, it also makes sense that Prue is infected with Pride since she’s very prideful, but Piper and Leo’s sins didn’t align with their characters quite so well. But I really chalk that down to the fact that the other remaining sins - greed, wrath and envy - fitted with their characters even less. 

Look Who’s Barking (3x21)

Part of me always disliked the fact that for one of the last episodes we ever had with Prue she was a flippin’ dog for the majority of it. However, I can’t help but appreciate this episode in regards to how it handles Phoebe’s pain over Cole, using her transformation into a Banshee as a metaphor and reflection of that. It reminds me a lot of episodes like Hell Hath No Fury and A Witch’s Tail where demonic transformations are also used to express the sisters’ pain. 

I appreciate the portrayal of Phoebe’s heartbreak in this episode because it’s very authentically done. At the beginning of the episode we see Phoebe writing about Cole in the BOS as a warning to future witches. This reflects the current obsession she has with him - her love for him paired with his betrayal has essentially turned that love into a fixation because she can’t move past it or let go of what happened. She justifies that by claiming that she’s merely being logical and helpful to future witches who may come up against Cole, but in reality it’s all part of her way of trying to handle what’s happened. Later on in the episode when she has a premonition of an innocent being killed she immediately jumps to the conclusion that Cole is the one responsible and wants to vanquish him without even stopping to think it through. Even Prue, who is far from being Cole’s biggest fan, tells Phoebe that she might be wrong. But Phoebe is blindsided and at this point is trying to zone in on hating Cole as a way to suppress her love for him and the pain he’s caused her. The first time Phoebe comes face to face with the Banshee Piper comments on the fact that the Banshee zeroed in on Phoebe despite the fact that Piper was the one with the explosive power and says that it’s because she must be in pain. Immediately afterwards, Phoebe is looking in the BOS at the Cole page she’s written and that’s when the Banshee arrives and we all know what happens next. The scene where Phoebe and Cole fight in the mausoleum is one of the most raw scenes between the couple and perfectly encapsulates the heart of their relationship - how they’re fundamentally enemies that cannot and should not be together, but they’re completely in love and that love overcomes the obstacles between them. It’s also a reminder that Phoebe’s not the only one in pain, so is Cole. Just as Phoebe sets herself on a mission to hate Cole and destroy him, Cole attempts to do everything he can to suppress his human half along with his feelings for Phoebe. 

This episode is also very valuable in showing Piper’s ability to take charge in the absence of Prue and Phoebe, which I like to think is deliberate from the writers in the lead up to Prue’s death. Prue turns into a dog, Phoebe turns into a Banshee and Piper is left alone to figure it out. It’s rare that Piper is left alone to make decisions and save her sisters up until this point and foreshadows the fact that she’s about to become the oldest sister and have that responsibility a lot more often.

And that’s a wrap for my favourite season 3 episodes. I’m sure some will be surprised that All Hell Breaks Loose isn’t included on this list, but honestly, I hate watching that episode. It’s so traumatic to watch for me and ever since I was a kid I’ve struggled to watch it. I appreciate the acting in the episode, which is phenomenal, and I also appreciate the shock value, but putting emotions aside, I don’t think it’s that great of an episode. It has a lot of inconsistencies and the sisters are OOC for a majority of the episode. I believe that the episode is highly regarded by a lot of fans because it’s become memorialised as Prue’s last episode and because it has some of the most dramatic scenes of the series. But if it had followed the usual format of previous episodes where the sisters have died like Be Careful What You Witch For and Prue had survived, I don’t think it would be remembered in the same way. In fact, I think, putting the dramatic scenes of Piper’s death aside, the episode would be forgotten by most and lost amongst the other episodes that actually are good. 

Thank you for reading, I’d love to hear your thoughts on your favourite episodes of season 3. The next post will be my favourite season 4 episodes, and since season 4 is at the top of my ranking as my favourite season, expect a lot of episodes and analysis! 

[rjhamster]

Bethlehem: Church of the Nativity

Bethlehem: Church of the Nativity by Kathie Lee Gifford with Rabbi Jason Sobel Kathie Lee Gifford Lamb Of God But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times. — Micah 5:2 I was deeply disturbed when our tour group visited modern-day Bethlehem. Scripture tells us Bethlehem was the birthplace of Jesus, the Messiah, prophesied in Micah 5:2 sometime between 750 BC and 686 BC (seven hundred years before Jesus’ birth): “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Today, the city of Bethlehem is controlled by the Palestinian Authority, and it feels — as my daughter, Cassidy, described it — “darkly oppressive.” There are military checkpoints as you enter and exit. It hardly feels joyful or anything like the way the shepherds would have experienced it two millennia ago, as a place of great rejoicing at the Savior’s birth. Come… to Bethlehem! More from Rabbi Jason The Significance of Bethlehem Shortly after the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem, an angel of the Lord appeared to shepherds guarding their sheep at night and announced to them, Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. — Luke 2:11 And the sign given to them was that they would find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. — Luke 2:12 Of all the possible signs that could have been given to these shepherds, why did the Lord choose a baby lying in a manger and wrapped in swaddling clothes? Why was this so significant? To answer this question, we need to dig deeper and explore the Jewish context in which the New Testament was written. Good students of the Bible are like detectives who ask lots of questions of the text. The first question we need to ask is: Who are these shepherds? Is there anything unique about them? I believe these were no ordinary shepherds. They were Levitical shepherds, trained and tasked with the responsibility of tending and guarding the flocks used for sacrifices in the temple in Jerusalem. Next, we must ask, What is so significant about the location in which they found Jesus? When it was time for one of their flock to give birth, the shepherds would bring the sheep into one of the caves surrounding Bethlehem that were used for this purpose. These birthing caves were kept in a state of ritual purity since these lambs were destined to be used as sacrifices in the temple. In fact, many of the male lambs born around Bethlehem would be used for the Passover.1 Since there was no room in the local inn, Mary and Joseph used one of these caves around Bethlehem. Messiah was not born in a stable behind some Econo Lodge or Motel Six. He was born in one of the many caves used for birthing these sacrificial lambs, because He Himself would be the ultimate sacrificial Lamb. Not only would the location of Jesus’ birth be significant to these shepherds, but so would the fact that Jesus was swaddled in cloths. These shepherds were responsible for making sure that the newborn lambs did not contract defects, for only animals without spot or blemish could be used as a sacrifice in the temple. Baby lambs are very clumsy when they are born, so many scholars believe that these shepherds would swaddle their newborn lambs in order to prevent these future sacrificial lambs from becoming blemished by injuring themselves on jagged parts of the cave. Another key aspect of swaddling in ancient Israel was “salting” a newborn. After Jesus was born, Joseph would have washed and scrubbed Him with salt water. Practically, the salt killed any bacteria found on an infant’s body. But there is a lot of spiritual symbolism in this act as well. Salt was symbolic of friendship and loyalty in the ancient world; it was a sign of covenant, as in the phrase “a covenant of salt” (2 Chronicles 13:5; Leviticus 2:13; Numbers 18:19). A common expression to denote friendship in Middle Eastern culture is, “there is salt between us.” A salt covenant is used to denote the eternal covenant of friendship and kingship that God made with David and his heirs: “Don’t you know that the Lord, the God of Israel, has given the kingship of Israel to David and his descendants forever by a covenant of salt?” (2 Chronicles 13:5). Jesus was not only born in Bethlehem, which is the city of David, but He was also the promised Son of David, the Messiah and King who came to fulfill the Davidic covenant — God’s promise that one of David’s descendants would live on the throne forever — and to establish the new covenant spoken of in Jeremiah: ‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel and with the people of Judah’. — Jeremiah 31:31 Salt was also an indispensable part of every sacrifice offered in the temple, as we read in Leviticus: You are to season with salt every sacrifice of your grain offering. You are never to allow the salt of the covenant of your God to be lacking from your grain offering. With all your sacrifices you must offer salt. — Leviticus 2:13 TLV Not only was Messiah born in the same location as the temple offering, but He was also washed in salt as part of the swaddling process, which points to His future sacrifice as the Passover Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world and inaugurate the new covenant (Jeremiah 31:31). Messiah came to make a covenant with us, and He was so committed to us that He chose to die in order establish it, demonstrating how seriously He takes His friendship with us! This is what John 15:13 alludes to: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. Messiah was the Lamb who was slain from the creation of the world. — Revelation 13:8, So He needed to be salted as our true sacrifice to erase our sin and bring us into a covenant friendship with the Lord. Now, that’s a true friend. Isn’t it amazing? We must make sure we are valuing His friendship and taking full advantage of it. Not only was the process of swaddling significant to the shepherds, but I believe the actual garments in which the baby Jesus was swaddled were meant to be a sign to them as well. Let’s explore their deeper meaning. One of the oldest symbols of the Jewish faith is the menorah, a seven-branched candelabrum used in the temple. The Kohanim, the Levitical priests, lit the menorah in the sanctuary every evening and then cleaned it out every morning, replacing the old wicks with new ones. What were the wicks of the menorah made from? The priests’ tunics. Any priestly garment that became so dirty to the point that its stains could not be washed out was no longer acceptable to be worn during priestly service. These unusable garments were not destroyed; instead, they were cut up, and the fabric was used for another holy purpose. The tunics of the ordinary priests were used to make wicks for the menorah that was to burn continually in the Holy Place in the temple. This is speculation, but I believe Jesus’ swaddling clothes could have been made from the torn priestly garments that would have been used to make the wicks of the menorah. But where would Joseph and Mary have gotten them? My guess is that Mary got these cloths from her cousin Elizabeth, who was married to the priest Zechariah. As soon as Mary entered the home of Elizabeth, who had miraculously conceived in her later years, the unborn baby in her womb leaped, filled with the Holy Spirit. Elizabeth cried out, You are blessed among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Who am I, that the mother of my Master should come to me? For even when I just heard the sound of your greeting in my ear, the unborn child leaped with joy in my womb. Blessed is she who trusted that there would be a fulfillment of those things spoken to her by Adonai. — Luke 1:42–45 TLV So the shepherd priests, who encountered angels, went to a place where the lambs used for the sacrifices were born and swaddled. There, they saw the baby Jesus swaddled like a sacrificial Passover lamb in priestly garments that were used for the lighting of the menorah in the temple, which symbolized the eternal presence and promise of God! Now it should make more sense as to why a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger would be such a significant sign to these shepherds, for it pointed to Jesus being both the Lamb of God and the Light of the World. Mishnah Shekalim 7:4. Excerpted with permission from The Rock, the Road, and the Rabbi by Kathie Lee Gifford with Rabbi Jason Sobel, copyright Kathie Lee Gifford. * * * Your Turn This chapter of The Rock, the Road, and the Rabbi was filled with facts! Things we never knew and nothing anyone taught us. Which learning was your favorite from this chapter? Come share on our blog!

[justanoutlawfic]

The Christening: An Original Story

This is the short storyof mine that was selected to be put in my school’s literary magazine. Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, homophobia and depression.

Also on AO3

Raven was messed up long before she had met Jasmine. She couldn’t remember a time when she had been happy for more than a couple of days. Middle school began the time that she’d rather spend her days underneath her heavy purple duvet, reading romance novels and ignoring the sunshine that attempted to stream through her heavy cream curtains. It was easy to ignore the world and bury herself in her sadness. She didn’t want to think about the bullies that poked at her fat rolls or pulled her tangled curls. By the time she got to high school, she added music to the mix. The sounds of Evanescence and Panic! At The Disco would drown out her parents’ high decibels as they argued over their financial struggles and how best to raise the children.

Church was more often than not a huge catalyst between the two. One Sunday afternoon in particular, Raven’s mother started up the argument over how it wasn’t that important they attended. She thought all of the children were upstairs, but Raven had lingered in the living room. Raven knew better than to ask not to attend service, it wasn’t worth the argument with her father. Outside school, it was the only place she would go.

“Church shouldn’t come before everything else in their lives,” her mother said. “Can’t there just be one Sunday where we spend it doing something else as a family?”

“God is what helps keep this family going. We need to thank him for all the bounty he delivers.”

Raven’s younger brother and sister were always more active than her, though they learned after a while to stop asking her to do things because she’d just say no. Her depression never allowed her to climb out of bed and get out of the house, do something or be something. Her mother never saw it for what it was, just thought that she was lazy. It wasn’t until after her high school graduation that she broke down and told her mom that she didn’t want to go on anymore, that her mother decided to get her some help.

The doctor gave Raven three bottles of medication. He described them at length, but she saw them all the same, just with different objective. They were all tiny white pills, circle and smooth around the edges. Each had different numbers and initials all over them, but Raven couldn’t figure out what significance they had. One was supposed to control the voices in her head. The other was to help her ignore them so she could actually get some sleep. The final bottle was to make sure that even if she heard them, she’d get out of bed and face the day. Raven wasn’t sure if they were really working or if she was just pretending that they were. Either way, she began showering again and going outside. She enrolled in college was once again and started to put herself out there.

She met Jasmine a year into her treatment. She wasn’t beautiful in the American traditional sense. Jasmine had a few extra pounds on her and frizzy brown hair. She wore t-shirts with holes in them and skirts that didn’t match them. Her glasses were thick and fogged up easy, she was blind without them. She spoke of conspiracy theories and made sure you knew about her gluten allergy. By all accounts, Jasmine was a mess. Raven was one too. She spoke too fast, shared too much and whenever she stepped on a scale, her doctor gave her a lecture about healthy eating. The parallels between them made Raven fall for her, head over feet.

The two bonded over their love of scary tales such as Slenderman, making fun of horror movies and being buried so deep in the closet they were practically tripping over shoes. Most of all, the two talked about being afraid to come out to their very religious parents. Both agreed that they assumed their mothers would be okay with it, they watched Queer Eye and had gay friends themselves. Their conservative fathers, however, would never understand. They had forced the girls to go to church throughout their lives, saying “amen” whenever the priest would discuss the sin of a man having sex with another man. Both Raven and Jasmine agreed it was a bit ironic to listen to a man that had never had sex before, judge those who did.

“I feel like guys have an easier time dating,” Jasmine said. “Especially gay guys. They meet, they fuck and they move on. Lesbians flirt for what seems like forever and then don’t realize they’re dating until they actually are.”

Raven didn’t know if she was talking about their relationship, which possibly was Jasmine’s point. All she could think to respond to that was, “Yeah.”

They had three more conversations similar to that, before Raven finally leaned in and kissed her. Jasmine tasted like the peanut butter sandwich she had just inhaled (on gluten free bread of course) mixed with the cotton candy lip gloss she had messily applied to her lips. The interesting concoction was intoxicating and Raven never wanted to let go.

The two couldn’t go on dates like every other couple. Instead, they were viewed as best friends. If they did go out in public, they’d hang out with their friends, going to coffee shops and the beach. Sometimes, they could get away with going to the movies, holding hands once the lights dimmed. None of their friends were suspicious, they just assumed that Raven and Jasmine were close. Mostly, however, they’d go to each other’s houses and lock their bedroom doors. They’d lie side by side on Raven’s bed, listening to loud music to drown out the sounds of the noises they made as their lips touched various parts of each other’s bodies. For once, Raven didn’t feel guilty lying in bed for hours as Jasmine’s head laid on her lap beneath the sheets. She carded her fingers through her thick curls, for once the voices in her head subsided. She no longer felt that she couldn’t be loved. As long as she had Jasmine, she knew that she would never be alone again.

They hadn’t bothered to play music that afternoon. They had been so caught up with one another, they hadn’t locked the door, noticed the car door slam or the arguments as Raven’s parents stormed up the stairs. The door swung open and Raven pulled from her spot, leaving her girlfriend’s shaven vagina on pure display. Her cheeks turned the shade of a shiny tomato as Jasmine pulled up her underwear and skirt, looking anywhere but at her parents.

“It’s time for you to go, Jasmine,” Raven’s mother said.

“Mom…” Raven was cut off by the sharp look she received from her mother.

“I never want to see you here again,” her father told Jasmine. His brows were furrowed, his father turning brick red. The smell of the oil from the cars he fixed for a living on his sweatshirt spread across the entire room and for a moment, Raven wondered if it was possible for a person to actually explode. She had a feeling that wouldn’t stop him from sharing just how he felt about this situation. As he physically shook, the golden cross around his neck shook along with him.

Jasmine didn’t argue. She just jumped off the bed, grabbed her bag and ran out of the house. Raven’s lip quivered as she continued to look at her parents. Of all the ways she could’ve come out to them, this wasn’t supposed to be it.

“Let’s just discuss this,” she said, unsure of where her sense of calm was coming from.

“There’s nothing to discuss,” her father said. “You’re not gay.”

“That’s not exactly something you can control.”

“If you want to live in this house, then it’s definitely something I can.”

Raven looked at her mom for help. She had never told her mother what was going on, but she always assumed that she would be the one to defend her. Why was she being so quiet? Why wasn’t she looking her in the eye. She had always been the level headed one, the understanding one. She hated her husband, staying married him purely for the kids and the fact that he had destroyed her credit. Instead, all Raven saw in that moment was disgust.

“I knew there was more than just talking and music going up here, but why did you have to confirm it? I can’t protect you now that he knows,” her mother said. While she wasn’t looking at Raven, she wasn’t looking at her husband either, acting as if neither of them were in the room.

Raven got out of bed, straightening her skirt. “I’m going to keep seeing her.”

“We’ll see about that,” her father said, before walking out of the room.

Raven looked at her mother. “What does he mean by that?” “I don’t know. Why did you have to bring her here? Why couldn’t you have just kept it where he would never see?”

“Why didn’t you fight for me? You hate him!”

“I need to think about everyone here. It’s not just about you, but we have your siblings to worry about. If he throws me out for siding with you, what will happen to them?”

Raven didn’t know what to say in response to that. She watched her mom walk out of the room, leaving her standing alone. What had once felt like a romantic getaway, now felt extremely dirty.

The days that followed, Raven tried to contact Jasmine but she never answered. There were never those three little bubbles letting her know that she was starting to reply. Jasmine didn’t post on social media, not even to subtweet about the situation. Raven drove by her house after work and saw that her car wasn’t even in the driveway. She circled around three times, waiting for her to come home. Jasmine didn’t work and she only had morning classes. There was no reason why Raven shouldn’t see her getting out of her beat up yellow bug, in a floor length paisley skirt and a tie-dye tank top.

Raven waited outside Jasmine’s classroom, but she didn’t seem to show up there either. When she asked the professor, he said that she had withdrawn from the class. She went by Jasmine’s house one last time and saw the bug parked in the driveway. Raven ran up the steps, knocking on the door. Jasmine’s little sister answered the door and told Raven that Jasmine wasn’t home. When Raven looked up at the window attached to Jasmine’s room, however, she could see her peeking out. Before Raven could say anything, Jasmine’s father appeared behind his youngest daughter, folding his arms over his chest. He wore a cross that was very similar to her father’s.

“It’s time for you to go, Raven.”

Raven went home and decided to check Jasmine’s Facebook for the fifth time that day. She realized that she had been blocked from it. Raven realized that just as she had come into her life, she was ripped from it.

Raven spent the next weeks beneath the purple cheetah print covers, trying to remember the feel of Jasmine’s fingers on her body. She wanted to remember that taste of cotton candy and peanut butter, the rants about how no one took gluten allergies seriously and that George Bush was definitely in on 9/11. Instead, all she could seem to think about was the day they were caught. Jasmine not fighting for her, running out the door and leaving her to face her parents’ wrath. She had abandoned her, pretending as though their love had never existed.

This time, Raven didn’t read romance novels, they were filled with straight people that took what they had for granted. Music just seemed to grate on her ears, whining about how no one loved them, as if they were alone in that. When she did get out of bed, it was because she could hear her parents whispering, rather than arguing. She snuck down the stairs, pausing on the middle step.

“We could send her to a camp,” her father said. “Father Sam was telling me about this place they sent his niece.”

“She’s 19,” her mother replied. “We can’t force her to go anywhere.”

“We could always kick her out.”

“Is that really what you want to do, Paul? Could you live with yourself knowing that our daughter was on the streets?”

There was a pause and it made Raven realize that he was actually considering it. She knew he was mad, but how could he really want that for her? “I just can’t believe that we have a dyke for a daughter.”

“We can’t do anything to change who she is. All we can do is decide how much of it we can handle.”

Raven’s medicine wasn’t helping any longer, even when she began to take it in larger doses. When she went to go see her psychiatrist after overhearing her parents’ fight, her doctor told her to try to see it from her parents’ point of view and Raven decided that she didn’t want to see her anymore. She felt like she was drowning, like the weight of the world was trying to pull her down once again. There was nothing that was going to save her this time.

Raven wore the white dress that her mother had purchased for her for her Confirmation, 5 years earlier. It was a bit tight and her boobs spilled out of it a bit, but that didn’t matter. The cross that her father had gifted her on that event hung in between her cleavage and she clutched onto it, wondering where she would end up-if either Heaven or Hell existed.

Raven left the home where she had been struck with more than hands. She drove past the school where she had learned more than just how to read and add. As she turned the corner, she passed the hospital where she had received treatment for her depression. It was next to the church she had attended for most of her life. She had been told about the day she was dipped into water, the day she was supposed to be protected by God.

It was time for a new baptism, a second chance to give Him the opportunity to protect her once more.

She parked her car in the lot and walked across the grainy sand. The moon hung in the sky. It was quiet, no people around. Even the lifeguard stand was empty, no one would be able to save her. Not that anyone had ever really tried.

Kicking off her flip flops, she dipped her toe in the water. It was cold and caused a chill to run up her spine. Raven took one step forward and then another. By the time she was waist deep in the murky, salty sea, she could smell the peanut butter and cotton candy calling her home.

[suncannon]

Thoughts On Dragonball Z and How People Spend Their Time

So, I’m not going to pretend that I’m a Dragonball Expert, but I’ve followed and enjoyed the series for a significant portion of my life. I’ve also, like I’m sure many people who used to be teenage boys did, spent a lot of time thinking about that world and the people in it.

There is an opinion I’ve seen voiced in many ways and in many places that says something along the lines of “It’s just a show/game/movie/whatever, just consume it and have fun, why are you thinking about it so much.” To that, I’ve taken an idea from Lindsay Ellis to heart. It goes something along the lines of “These properties make ungodly amounts of money, and influence the thinking of countless people. To pretend that they aren’t worth thinking about seriously because they’re silly/made for children is shortsighted, and ignores what we can learn from those things”. She was talking about the Michael Bay Transformers movies at the time, but that kind of thinking can be applied to most things.

This is a long-winded way to say that I have Thoughts about Dragonball, and the way both the narrative and the characters within it discuss things like hard work, training, and the decision of how to spend your time.

I’ve always liked the human characters in Dragonball more than the others. Don’t get me wrong, I like Goku as much as the next guy, and I, like many others, went through a phase where I realized that Vegeta is both Incredibly Cool, and also A Pretty Good Dad. But it was always the human characters(Krillin, Yamcha, and to a lesser extent the half-human Gohan I suppose) that I really identified with. I guess it’s because I am a human? But I think even then, I identified with the feeling of other people outpacing me, getting better at things while I’m just trying to catch up.

Krillin and Yamcha are frequent fandom punching bags. Yamcha more than Krillin, and for good reason. Yamcha is kind of a dirtbag, so he deserves most of what he gets. But a lot of what I see when I see people talking about the human characters of Dragonball, is that they aren’t worthy of fandom because they’re weaker than the Saiyans, and that’s why they’re lame. I don’t agree with that line of thinking.

Sure, the human characters in Dragonball are probably always going to be weaker than the Saiyans, because Saiyans Cheat At Kung Fu Magic. They, as a species, are basically designed to always win in dramatic ways, and it’s hard to impossible for a human to catch up with that. They’re also the Designated Protagonists, so they always have to be the strongest. But the reasons I like the human characters aren’t because they’re good fighters, but because they’re more interesting characters, and their existence says interesting things about the setting.

Okay, before we keep going, I feel like it’ll be helpful to state what my sort of thesis is. Dragonball is a setting where hard work and determination can allow a person to transcend their normal limits, and become a being on the level of gods. But in order to attain that level of power, a person has to let everything else in their life fall away, and devote themselves solely to Getting Better At Punchwizarding. Saiyans have a natural disposition towards this singleminded focus, but Goku in particular, because he’s A Moron(and, like, brain damaged, I guess? Yikes), will always be best at this. The fact that other characters in the show, from Vegeta to Gohan down to Krillin and Yamcha, don’t reach that level isn’t an indictment of their skill or dedication, but a sign that they value other things in their lives. This makes me like those characters more, but that contrast wouldn’t exist without Goku doing what he does.

So, lets talk about Yamcha. Yamcha is a dingus. He dumped Bulma because he’s an idiot, and then effed off to use his Punchwizardry to become a famous baseball player. And while he’s an unenviable person(in a lot of ways, he has manufactured his own misery), he is a good example of what I’m talking about.

During Original Dragonball, Yamcha was a respectable martial artist. He wasn’t as good as the Designated Protagonist, but he could hold his own, and was likely one of the strongest humans on the planet by the end of that series.

Then, Dragonball Z happened. Raditz was a sign that things were climbing to a new level of power, and Yamcha managed to hang for a little while. He trained with the other Z Fighters for a while, preparing for the fight with Vegeta and Nappa. He also got immediately smoked my the Saibamen, getting brutally killed.

It’s around this point that I feel like Yamcha begins seeing the writing on the wall. He trains with King Kai alongside the others, and by the end of the Frieza saga he’s respectable, but not exemplary. Once the Android saga starts, and he challenges Android 20, he also immediately gets smoked, this time literally, with a massive hole blown in his chest. 

After this point, he is basically not a factor in any of the major battles of the series. He sits out most, if not all, major battles in the rest of the series, and during the timeskip between Cell and Buu, has completely stopped his training. He coasts by on his residual physical skill to make money. And while there’s something to be said for him abandoning the fight to protect Earth, to some extent, I get it? Like, he saw what was coming. Goku is doing sit-ups in 1000x Earth’s gravity or some nonsense, and lives for nothing but the fight. That was never Yamcha’s goal, so he got out while the getting was good. While he regrets this decision by the time Dragonball Super is going on, I understand the motivation.

So, lets take a quick detour to talk about Krillin. He’s probably my favorite character in the series. He looks like a weird gremlin and literally doesn’t have a nose. He’s great and perfect. A lot of his story is similar to Yamcha’s so we won’t have to talk about him long.

Krillin managed to avoid most of the pitfalls that Yamcha blunders into, but based on the person he is, he was always going to. Yamcha was a bandit who stumbled into World Shaking Nonsense, so his lack of dedication to back-breaking training is expected. Krillin was a monk who devoted himself to training when he was in Original Dragonball, and he stuck with that training for much longer. Accordingly, he stays relevant for much longer. By the time of the fight with the Saiyans, he survives when most of the others don’t, and he manages to hang during the fighting on Namek. Hell, his chops are still decent by the time of the Android saga, and he holds his own when he needs to. 

But he still makes the cardinal sin when it comes to Keeping Up With Goku: he cares about things besides training. He gets married, has a kid, settles down. Lets his hair grow back. Becomes a good dad and has a wife who loves him. He still does some training to keep himself in fighting trim, but by the time of the Buu saga, he’s basically no one of consequence. And that bites him in the ass when he gets taken out basically immediately.

I find this arc incredibly relatable. Who among us hasn’t devoted their lives to protecting Earth, but then fallen in love with an incredibly cool android woman and had a precocious kid, and then decided to skip leg day once or twice? Krillin manages to avoid falling as far as Yamcha did because Android 18 is another Z Fighter, and I’m sure they keep each other in shape. But they’re retired by the time of the Buu saga.

However, in Super, you can see how far a human can go when sufficiently motivated. Krillin makes it all the way to the Tournament of Power, while Yamcha is looking like a scruffy piece of trash, sad that all of his friends are going off and fighting without him. Like, of course they are, Yamcha. You haven’t lifted a weight in longer than Goten has been alive. Damn, even Master Roshi hit the gym when the chips were down, and he busts out some OG Dragonball moves. You see him in Resurrection of F, and the Tournament? Damn.

Y’know, I think I might’ve been wrong before. I said Krillin was my favorite character, but really, I think it has to be Gohan. He’s just the best.

So, a lot of the impetus of writing this piece has been because I’ve been vicariously reliving Dragonball Z through the All Systems Goku podcast. Seeing the series through fresh eyes has been neat, and it’s made me think about a lot of this for the first time in a long time. 

There’s a part at the beginning of the Buu saga where Vegeta drags Gohan for his decline in power level, and while I understand that frustration from Angry Saiyan Dad, like, I get it. Even by the time of Dragonball Super, Gohan has not, and likely will not, develop into the fighter he Could Have Been. But like, that’s fine. Vegeta didn’t, either.

So, to wrap this up and not write another thousand words, lets talk about the Saiyans as a group.

Goku is a Committed Idiot, who will always be the best at fighting because it’s all he cares about. Because of this, he is a negligent father and husband, and also not a very good person or friend.

Vegeta can hang on Goku’s level because he’s a Saiyan and has a very understanding wife that will build him weird gravity chambers, but he also takes an active role in parenting his children, and actually wants to be present at the birth of his daughter instead of going to train with an angel. Like, for real. Goku tries to convince Vegeta to miss the birth of his daughter to go train, because Goku missed the birth of Goten because he was dead, so it’s fine. Whis ends up making it a non-issue by using Angel Magic to just poof the baby out of Bulma, which is kind of horrifying, but Bulma was pretty alright with missing those arduous hours and having the work just done for her.

Vegeta compromises his training by being a person with a life, and watching Goku keep pulling ahead of him was the impetus for the Majin Vegeta stuff. He had his mid life crisis, but realized what he was doing, and I guess eventually got over it. He knows he’s not as strong as Goku, but he takes his son to Disneyland sometimes and he’s mostly cool with it.

Gohan could have been the greatest martial artist the Earth has ever produced. When he beat Cell, he was far and away the most powerful being that had ever set foot on the planet. But between then and the Buu saga, he just started to care about other things. He was a teenager, and went to school, made friends, fell in love. Between then and Super he got married, had a kid. People talk like they’re disappointed that Gohan has “gotten lame”, especially after the glimpse of him we get in Future Trunk’s Bad Future. But they don’t get it. 

Gohan won. That’s his happy ending. He can still hang with his dad and Vegeta; he’s probably the third strongest person on the planet. Piccolo might have him beat some days, but probably not. And he also has a wife and daughter and a life outside of lifting weights and screaming. That’s what Future Trunks would’ve wanted for him. 

At the end of the day, the Earth needs someone like Goku, who is willing to forsake everything else and keep doing push-ups until he can punch out God. It’s a good thing that he relishes the opportunity, because a more self-aware person would probably be pissed that the weight of the world/galaxy/universe/Creation keeps getting put on his shoulders. 

But to say that other characters are less interesting, or somehow “bad” because they don’t have that single-minded devotion to Punchwizardry is foolish, because that dichotomy and contrast between Goku and everyone else in his life is what gives texture and weight to the choices the characters make. Krillin sees Goku punching out deities and probably feels bad that he can’t help. But his family makes him happy, and that’s worthwhile, too. It’s what makes the fighting worth doing.

Okay, so that’s it. Feels good to get these thoughts out of my head. Been percolating them for a while. Not gonna do any more passes on this for editing because I’ve already been writing this for like an hour and I wanna be done. Happy to hear thoughts or comments. Be excellent to each other.