#my friend is having a big party for her bday this year bc she missed out on her quinceñera because of reasons so this is the one to finally

[rustinged]

when your friends unknowingly reaffirm your gender presentation 🤾🏽

[idontmindifuforgetme]

I always called her my best friend because we’ve known each other since we were kids, so our families also know each other and it’s always so awkward when they ask about her.

It doesn’t feel like we are best friends anymore though. She never remembers my birthday (it might sound dumb, but it actually kinda hurts when she forgets it every year), but when it comes to hers she always makes a big deal out of it and there’s always a big party. I also just don’t feel very close to her anymore, I just don’t feel like I can tell her anything that’s going on in my life because our conversations aren’t deep enough and we just don’t meet that often.

Do you think I’m toxic for slowly distancing myself and not catching up? I haven’t been in the best mental space lately and haven’t gone out with friends that much, which makes it even worse.

what no!! you're not toxic at allll your energy is just not being reciprocated and you have a right to have boundaries about that. maybe if you were demanding unreasonable things i'd get that sentiment, but asking a close friend to do something for your bday is not an unreasonable expectation. some people are just bad w dates, but if even on a reminder she does nothing she probably just doesn't give a shit. and it sucks that you guys haven't been talking like you used to

my one thing is maybe communicate this w her if you still care, bc you'd be surprised how unaware some people can be. she might think your scarce communication is the new norm, that you don't mind her missing your bday, etc. so just see what she says. vet yourself too & ask yourself if you've put effort into reaching out the way you want her to. if the issues persist, maybe continuing to organically distance urself from her is your best bet. i'm sorry :(

[mrfoox]

Everytime I realize how.... Chill... My mom is im... Im torn between thinking it's the best and not /:

[awxward]

A3! Boys + My Stuffed Animals

Spring Troupe:

Sakuya

Gabriel

Gabriel is a small elephant with big ears that constantly make him fall over. He has a pink bowtie that says 'I Love You'

Makes Saku feel safe and Gabriel is a reminder to himself that he's loved and appreciated by everyone at Mankai.

Named after a friend from theatre class :)

Masumi

George Washington

George Washington is a tiger. He is small, but his arms are like those slap bracelets so you can wear him on your wrist (or let him hang on the side of shelf like I do).

So I got Georgy-Boy for easter 2020. i asked my friends for name ideas. They sent me stuff like 'Stripes'. I went offline for a few minutes and when I came back online I told my friends his name was George Washington.

//////////

Me: tiger has a name now

Friend: which name did you choose?

Me: his name is George Washington.

Friend: what the fuck. how'd you get George Washington?

//////////

Pretty sure he got the name bc I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Citron

Daniel

Daniel is mostly pink but has other pastel colors that look like watercolors. He's a unicorn. And a ketchain. And he's one of those dream lites, so he lights up. (He's supposed too anyway, but he's never lit up since i got him like 7 years ago at a yard sale).

Named after Daniel Howell (formerly danisnotonfire) [YouTube]

Tsuzuru

Lucifer

Lucifer is a small panda pillow pet. Very easy to travel with bc he fits in most backpacks.

My mom told me she wanted me to have a stuffed animal with a biblical name, i picked him up, looked her in the eye and said "His name is Lucifer." My mom tried to protest. "You said a biblical name, Mom. Lucifer is in the bible."

Itaru

Pao(???)

Pao is a panda. They are also a phone holder thingy. Like it'll hold your phone if you're watching movies or whatever.

Like 5-ish years old. Got them from a friend. They have a tag with their name on it, but I read it once and then just called them "the panda" for some reason instead of their actual name and now the tag is too faded to read the name, but i am 38% sure it says Pao or something close to that.

Chikage

Tsuki

Tsuki is a dinosaur. Tsuki is a sparkly dino. He's green rn, but if you brush your hand over him, the sparkles turn over and he becomes orange. I like green tho bc his tummy and the bottom of his feet are orange and so are his eyes.

Named after Tsukishima Kei (Haikyuu)

Summer Troupe:

Tenma

Hinata

Hinata is a narwhal. A bright orange narwhal. Infact he is the same color as Tenma's hair.

Named after Hinata Shoyo (Haikyuu) [bc its the same color as his hair. there is a theme with this narwhal and the anime boys i associate with them]

Yuki

Steve

Steve is a regular teddy bear, except he has a shirt that has pikachu on it. (the shirt was originally Tsuki's bc i got tsuki at a friends build a bear bday party, but it fits Steve better)

I just think Yuki would try new designs/color schemes/styles by making clothes for Steve to see how they look.

I got Steve from a claw machine (my bf at time won him for me just before we watched Endgame together.)

Named after Steve Rogers (Marvel)

Muku

Eeyore

Muku most definitely loves the Winnie the Pooh movies and I will fite for this hc. He gets my Eeyore. You know how Eeyore's tail is always going missing or falling off??? Eeyore's tail comes off (velcro) but its attached to his actual body with a string so it cant be misplaced.

Eeyore has a patch that says "official disney store" but i got him for $3 at a thrift store.

Misumi

Sherlock

Sherlock is a polar bear. Sherlock is very huggable. He makes Misumi feel safe. He has a hat and scarf (that don't come off. they are sewn on him)

the hat has a pom pom on top and the scarf has a pom pom on each end. the hat and scarf and the bottom of his feet have a blue/white plaid pattern.

Kazunari

Victor

Victor is a puppy and the first big stuffed animal of mine on the list! He's all tan and abt maybe 3-4 ft long. Victor lays pretty flat so he's comfy to lay/sit on. I think Kazu would like sitting or laying on him when drawing. Probably has him on his bed so he's like a giant pillow.

Victor is from Toys R Us. I got him last August-ish from my Aunt and Uncle who found him at a thrift store and thought I'd like him.

Named after Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice)

Kumon

PJ

PJ is a small white tiger. He is also a ball. He can fit in one hand. When Kumon is thinking or stressed or bored (etc) he just lays on his back and tosses PJ up into the air.

When Kumon is laying on the floor tossing PJ, Misumi sits on the bed closest to where PJ is and tries to grab him (but only if Kumon is in a good mood and okay with it) It's a fun little game they made up they like to play.

Pretty sure he was named after KickthePJ (YouTube)

liber pls give us a pic with all of autumn i am begging

Autumn Troupe:

Banri

Sammy

Sammy is another one of my large stuffed animals. He is also a puppy, but unlike Victor he is sitting instead of laying. He's abt 2-3 ft tall. His fur is the same color as Banri's hair. Great to squeeze at anytime, but very therapeutic when you're in a bad mood. Has a heart on his ear.

i got him abt 7 years ago. I had just finished spn season 2 and was upset abt the finale and had no way to start season 3.

Named after Sam Winchester

Juza

Tiggs

Tiggs is a beanie baby tiger. Tiggs is a little larger than PJ (and not a ball). He's a regular orange tiger instead of a white tiger like PJ. He'd buy Kumon PJ so they could have matching stuffed animals. Small and very comforting to just hold/hug.

Omi

Benedict (Ben)

Benedict, also known as Ben, is a small koala. Just a little bigger than Tiggs. He has a heart on one of his feet (i think the right one). very soft. very fluffy.

Named after Benedict Cumberbatch (Actor)

Taichi

Dean

Dean is my largest stuffed animal. He is a dark brown teddy bear that's abt 4-ish ft tall. He can be put in a corner and used as like a bean bag chair, or he can lay down flat and be a good pillow like Victor can.

It's very fun to just wrap around him and squeeze as tight as you can. Especially in when your in a bad mood. Very comforting to cry into.

I got him a couple years ago at a thrift store.

Named after Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Sakyo

Lev

Lev is a lion abt the size of a regular teddy bear (maybe slightly larger). I got him a thrift store so he's slightly worn out from age. He's mostly a pastel dark yellow-ish tan and his mane is dark brown. very huggable.

He's the stuffed animal I sleep with. Smells nice all the time, like the fabric softener.

Named after Lev Haiba (Haikyuu)

Sakoda

Emotional Support Iron Man

So Iron Man is small and he sparkles. He will hurt you/someone if thrown hard enough. Sakoda likes heroes bc they remind him of Sakyo they look cool. I'd hc that he got Iron Man from Sakyo when he was younger and its one of his most valued possessions and goes everywhere with him (or stays with Azamo or Sakyo at the dorm. Maybe Izumi or a couple others are on the list of who can watch over Iron Man.) Very protective of it.

Got the emotional support part of his name from a friend.

She saw Eddie Redmayne on a movie cover (think it was The Danish Girl) and started freaking out bc she loved him. I handed her the Iron Man and the next day she thanked me and said he was an Emotional Support Iron Man and the name stayed.

Azami

[Emotional Support] Spooder-Mon

Sakoda knew Azami as a kid. He most definitely got him the Spider-Man so they could have matching plushies.

Spider-Man is square and has little blob hands doing the web thingy. The tag said travel pillow, but he probably just chills by Azami's bed. When needed, Iron Man will be placed next to him if Sakoda can't take Iron Man with him.

I brought him to school one day and we had a bio test and all the people sitting around me passed him around and gave him a pat for good luck. We all got good grades and then he was dubbed as Emotional Support Spooder-Mon, but the Emotional Support title isnt part of his name (unlike the Iron Man).

i wanted guy in the pic, but i also wanted tsumu and hiso in the pic so you get 2 pics for winter

Winter Troupe:

Tsumugi

Phil

Phil is a zebra. He is a pillow pet zebra. Like Lucifer, Phil is also easy travel size. The bottom half of Phil is pink, so I refer to him as my pink zebra.

I just think it'd be cute to have Tsumugi with a pillow pet ok. I also thought he'd probably have has Phil for many years (since he was a kid) and Tasuku most definitely brings up things from when they were kids and shit.

//////////

Tasuku: you chose the pink zebra, and for what???

Tsumugi: its a very aesthetically pleasing pastel pink.

Tasuku: THERE WAS A DOG PILLOW PET RIGHT THERE AND IT WAS CUTER

Tsumugi: dont talk bad abt Phil.

the rest of mankai: ????????

//////////

I got phil before I got Lucifer many years ago. He was old when i got him and he is very old now. I love him so much.

Named after Phil Lester (AmazingPhil) [YouTube]

Tasuku

Cap

Cap is a husky. He was won from a claw machine with Steve.

There's just something abt the grey and white that gave me Tasuku vibes. Also, Cap's eyes are abt the same shade of blue as Tsumugi's and Tasuku knows this bc they are in love. Very squishy when hugged and with the way he sits, you could make it look like he's guarding something.

Named after Captain America (Marvel)

Homare

Ushijima (Ushi)

Ushijima, also called Ushi, is the last of my giant stuffed animals. He is abt 2-3 ft tall (like Sammy) and has a tail abt the same length.

Ushi is a raccoon thats mostly hot pink. Ushi's eyes are also pink and just abt the same shade as Homare's hair, although Ushi's fur is brighter by a few shades.

Ushi hurts when thrown/swung hard enough. Very fun to hug bc he's filled with beans (like beanie babies) so unlike all my other giant animals, he doesn't have to be fixed/adjusted after everytime you squeeze him. The tail has cotton tho and makes a good pillow.

Homare would definitely just see a 3 ft tall hot pink raccoon and claim it with no explanation.

Named after Ushijima Wakatoshi (Haikyuu)

Hisoka

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd (Vlad, Drac)

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd, who has many other names but usually goes by Vlad or Drac, is a vampire (surprise).

Vlad is a squishmallow thingy, and their tags say something abt them being able to be used as pillows, and thats why Hisoka gets Vlad.

Vlad is triangular in shape, with triangle ears, and triangle fangs, so I thought abt Misumi, but i figured Hisoka bc it's a pillow.

He's like the perfect travel size and he has a cape and a bowtie.

Named after Vlad the Impaler, the real life inspiration behind Dracula (my brother thought he was named after Vladmir Putin and I wanted to punch him for that but I was too busy laughing.)

Also named after Dracula, who was a vampire.

Idk where 'the 3rd' came from, but it's part of his name for forever.

Azuma

Sebastian

Sebastian is a dinosaur thats blue with a white tummy.

He's also a squishmallow, but he's bigger than Vlad by abt 2× as wide, so he'd be harder to carry around, which is why Hisoka got Vlad instead. Being a squishmallow means he looks more blob than dinosaur and i love it.

His tag said his name was Dominic or something, but I named him Sebastian before I actually checked the tag, so he's Sebastian.

Named after Sebastian (Black Butler) and Sebastian Stan (Actor)

Guy

Moriarty

Moriarty is my other polar bear. I got him with Sherlock and named him Moriarty bc Moriarty is Sherlock's nemesis.

He's just a plain white bear thats very huggable and adorable. I usually have a bowtie on him bc it makes him look fancy.

Guy would like him bc he's plain white and very fluffy.

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

I was at a bday party last night and a ~friend (she's a good friend of one of my best friends) casually dropped that she works for PSG and I was very shook because I've known her for like a year, everyone knows that I'm a big football fan and not once was it mentioned to me. I have no idea what she does (she's an art student so assume it's graphic design or sth) and the only reason she said it was bc she was explaining that she was missing a trip because psg qualified for cl semis. I'm still :0

I'm :0

right now and I'm not even you! Better get digging because that's a real cool friend you've got right there who could potentially have some very interesting insights to spill 👀

[janexeu]

     though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis  — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia 

seeing gods in dreams  — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS 

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time 

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if  they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!  

OTHER INFO 

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ?  the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh 

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting  

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if  y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her 

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk 

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[starryeyed-char]

No Surprises Here

Why don’t I ever post writing at a normal time.... *sigh into oblivion*

This is the fic which is kinda shorter than usual but still decently long don’t worry other long stuff on the way prompt: so some kind of college au where lance and keith have been dating for like a couple of months and it's almost keiths birthday and lance learns that keith doesn't like his birthday bc he had a horrible memory tied to his bday?? and then he let's lance throw him a party for him bc keith feels bad but then when he first gets there it's like too much for him and he freaks out and lance has to comfort him and it gets all angsty and fluffy!! :)) -anon

I don’t know if this is exactly what you were hoping for, hopefully you (all of you) enjoy! Sorry this is so late... I got this prompt at the beginning of my vacation ;-;

“SURPRISE!”

The shout was so loud, it had Keith stumbling backwards into Lance, who had turned on the lights to reveal numerous people hiding in his and Hunk's shared apartment.

“Lance,” Keith hissed under his breath. “What did you do?”

“I invited them over to celebrate your birthday!” his boyfriend declared happily, gesturing at the people in the room. Shiro, Allura, Pidge, Hunk, and Shay had all gathered around excitedly. “I know you don't normally do anything, but I wanted to make it special for you. Since, you know, this is the first one we're celebrating... together? I thought you said you were okay with it?”

“Oh. Right.” Keith knew Lance's intentions were pure, but he really didn't feel comfortable in social settings, even with just his closest friends. Lance had invited all these people, and sure he'd told Keith he wanted to have a few people over, but he didn't expect a party party. There was cake, decorations, and everything. Despite liking Hunk, Shay, and Allura, the only people Keith felt genuinely close enough to celebrate his birthday with were Shiro, Lance, and Pidge.

The latter cast a sympathetic smile his way. “I tried to talk him out of it,” she whispered under her breath. “But he really wants to show you how much he cares. Just humor him?”

Keith sighed. At least Pidge understood. Back when he lived on campus, they'd been roommates. Well, until Pidge was discovered to be hiding the fact that she was a girl, but that's a whole separate story. Now, Keith lived in his own apartment off campus.

Keith had tried to talk Lance out of it himself, but he should've realized that with such a big family, birthdays were not something the Cuban boy took lightly.

He was really grateful that Lance was trying, but sometimes he wished that he wasn't so affectionate, especially since Keith felt guilty for not being as good at grand gestures.

“Do... do you not like it?” Lance's smile was wavering, and he wrung his hands. Keith shook his head immediately.

“No, no of course I do! I was just... surprised, that's all,” Keith explained.

Lance's grin was back full force. “I did tell you about it. I just didn't tell you when! Time to cut the cake,” he decided, heading over to the food table. At Keith's panicked look, he snorted. “Don't worry, we're not going to sing.”

A loud knock sounded at the door, and Keith whirled around towards Lance. “Who else did you invite?” The small apartment already felt cramped with just seven people in it.

Lance looked just as bewildered as he was. “N-no one? Just these guys.”

“I invited some friends,” Hunk smiled nervously. “Was... I not supposed to do that?”

“I told some people to come as well,” Allura spoke up. “You did say it was a party, Lance.”

“I call everything a party!” Lance pointed out, exasperated. “You weren't supposed to—”

The door swung open, and several people Keith didn't even recognize filtered in. Maybe he would've been able to handle just a few more, but the groups just kept coming, and soon there was blaring music and red solo cups in the hands of most people there.

The noise was becoming overwhelming, and Keith realized he couldn't find any of his actual friends in the crowd, so he instead pushed his way toward where he knew Lance's bedroom was, and slammed the door behind him.

He sat on the bed, bringing up his hands to cover his ears, just wishing for quiet. The door opened, and he turned to tell whoever it was to get the hell out of Lance's room, only to find his boyfriend staring back at him with a grin.

“Keith, come on, we're about to— ” his smile faded. “Keith?”

He was sitting on the bed, shaking slightly and struggling for breath. Lance was at his side in a second.

“Breathe with me, Keith. In, out. In, out,” Lance encouraged, placing a hand on his back. “There's no one here but you and me. Just focus on catching your breath.”

Soon enough, his erratic breathing had calmed down. “Thanks,” Keith said, blushing, even though Lance had helped him with panic attacks before.

“Do you know what triggered it?”

“I just wanted to be alone,” Keith mumbled, turning back to face the wall.

Lance rolled his eyes. “Keith, come on, no one wants to be alone on their birthday—”

“I do!” Keith blurted, and Lance drew his hand away in shock. “I thought you knew that! I didn't want a party at all! I just wanted it to be us, to watch a stupid movie or something! Not any of...” he gestured wildly. “This!”

“But you said—”

“I told you to throw a party because I could see how much it meant to you. Because you wanted to do something special for me! But did you ever think about what I wanted? If you wanted to actually do something nice, then you should've just left it alone!” Keith snapped, but regretted the words as soon as he said them.

Lance's eyes widened. “I'm sorry... I thought maybe that it would... that I could make you happy,” tears started to well up, and Keith tensed. “I j-just thought that... I dunno. I guess I was just being selfish. And... now I've ruined your birthday.”

“Hey, Lance, don't cry,” Keith protested. “You didn't ruin it.”

“Yes I did!” Lance insisted. “I always... I always wreck everything with you, Keith! I'm not good at being in a stupid relationship! And I'm so scared that I'm going to screw this up like I do with everything, and now—”

“I never really celebrated birthdays when I was a kid,” Keith interrupted, and Lance's eyes shifted up to meet his.

“Wh-what?”

“I was in the foster care system for a few years before Shiro's parents adopted me. Was with some pretty rough families, didn't have time to celebrate the birthday of a kid that wasn't theirs. I don't like doing anything for them now because it just reminds me of everything I missed back then. Better just to keep birthdays from being a big deal altogether, it's the way I like it.”

Lance was staring at him thoughtfully. “You don't have to tell—”

“I wanted to,” Keith wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “This isn't your fault, Lance. Hell, you're doing what a normal boyfriend would do. I'm getting upset because you wanted to throw me a party. What kind of messed up logic is that?”

Lance laughed softly. “Your logic is always messed up, but at least you have good reasons. I tend not to question it.”

“And here you are worried about screwing everything up,” Keith shook his head. “I'm horrible at stuff like this! I'm always scared I'm going to mess everything up with you.”

“I don't think you could,” Lance mused. "I love you too much.”

Keith was taken aback, sure he must've misheard him. “You what?”

Lance froze in his arms, as if finally aware of what had just come out of his mouth. “I... I mean, um... you see,” he stuttered, before finally bringing his gaze back up to Keith's. “Well, I do. I love you.”

Keith's brain short-circuited. “We've... we've never said that to each other before.”

Lance frowned. “Well, technically we still haven't, since someone hasn't said it back yet—”

Keith interrupted him with a kiss, short and sweet before drawing back again. “I love you, too," he breathed, staring into those ocean blue eyes. “I love you, Lance.”

Lance's smile was so bright Keith felt he was looking at the sun. He might as well have been. “You wanna ditch the party and go watch a movie at your place?”

“You know I do.”

[jmcmxciv]

Get to know me

Tag game! Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by @stellagetides​, thanks wifey! Even tho you didn’t tag me first...... I’m not tagging anyone bc this was hella long and i don’t want any of y’all to hate me but if you feel like doing this, obviously go ahead!

THE LAST: 1. drink: peach ice tea 2. phone call: my sis 3. text message: a friend 4. song you listened to: Beth Ditto - Fake Sugar 5. time you cried: this morning, watching the OB finale. i was NOT ready for any of it

HAVE YOU EVER: 6. dated someone twice: eh, sorta but not really. i wouldn’t really call that dating so, no. 7. kissed someone and regretted: yup 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yeah 10. been depressed: nah 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately

3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. black black black when it comes to clothing 13. purple 14. orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yes!!! 16. fallen out of love: no, i’ve been head over heels for katie all this time 17. laughed until you cried: i always cry when i laugh, i’m a weirdo i know 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes, when @czasemsraczkaczasemnie​ showed me the texts between her and Alice​ when she was on her way to see me in Krakow. that was a wild trip hahahhaah 19. met someone who changed you: i believe everyone we come across in life change us in some way so yeah, definitely 20. found out who your friends are: i don’t know honestly. i guess nothing that big has happened that it would’ve made me rethink my friendships in any way 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yeah

RANDOM: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i don’t accept anyone i don’t know at all but most of them are still just acquaintances. so i really know maybe half of them. 23. do you have any pets: my mom has a dog who i affectionately call a Little Idiot 24. do you want to change your name: nah i’m cool with it 25. what did you do for your last birthday: CRIED BC I HAD JUST SEEN LANA DEL REY IN THE FLESH WHAT THE HELLLLLL. but anyways, that was at midnight on my birthday and on my actual bday i raved at a techno party in a thunderstorm and that was pretty cool. until the festival was interrupted for a few hours which made me miss Sampha and Goldfrapp and half of The xx. but it was still cool altogether. 26. what time did you wake up: about 10 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching Glow with my sister 28. name something you can’t wait for: for my thighs to stop being sore. me and my sister downed a few beers before we entered the festival area on sunday and for some stupid ass reason we thought it would be fun to try to squat on one leg and then try to get back up. which was impossible obviously bc i do not exercise ever but yes that happened. a lot. and i’m in a lot of pain now. please, do not ask. i do not know. 29.When was the last time you saw your mother: a few hours ago 30.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i would love to start uni this fall instead of having to wait yet another year bc i didn’t pass, again. it sucks so hard knowing exactly what you want to do for the rest of your fricking life but not being able to bc you didn’t pass the exam you thought you had aced. #foreverbitter 31. what are you listening to right now: Au Revoir Simone - Somebody Who 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah 33. something that is getting on your nerves: right now? me being so damn bitter over me not starting uni this fall. like, just get over it already??? 34. most visited website: i wish i didn’t have to say this but it’s the truth so, tumblr 35. what do you like about yourself: i’m kindhearted and always put others before myself. and also, my taste in music is 6/5 36. favorite food: carbs in general but pizza and chinese are always my go-to’s 37. hair colour: dirty blonde with lighter blonde highlights/sorta ombre 38. long or short hair: shoulder length 39. piercings: ears 40. blood type: i don’t know even. we tested it at school once and i was AB i think but i’m pretty sure i messed it up somehow 41. nicknames: jess if you don’t speak finnish and jesu if you do, plus a bunch of dumb ones my family calls me 42. relationship status: a single pringle 43. zodiac: leo 44. pronouns: she/her/hers 45. favourite tv show: ORPHAN BLACK ORPHAN BLACK ORPHAN BLACK damn i’m gonna miss that so much. Bones is amazing as well and so are Got, AHS, HTGAWM, JtV and HIMYM and yes i definitely picked them bc i love acronyms 46. tattoos: not yet but i have a couple of ideas 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: haven’t had any 49. If you could choose to be an animal, what would you want to be? I’d wanna be a tiger bc they are fricking gorgeous 50. sport: i watch hockey and sometimes ice skating if i happen to flick through the channels when it’s on. i don’t really enjoy doing any at the moment. except tipsy squatting apparently. 51. vacation: what are you asking really? my last vacation? or my ideal one? i have no idea so i’m just gonna say that my mini euro trip this summer was amazing and next i’d like to go anywhere i haven’t been before. my goal in life is to see as many places as i can 52. pair of trainers: again, what are you asking??? my favorite ones? how many i own? what? i don’t know what to tell ya man

MORE GENERAL: 53. eating: love it, not eating anything right now unfortunately 54. drinking: i would be drinking water but i left my bottle somewhere and i’m too lazy to get up from the couch. but dehydration is cool too so no problem. 55. i’m about to: i should go to sleep but chances are i’m just gonna keep refreshing tumblr until i pass out. if i ever finish this, thank you a-lice for making me suffer 56. waiting for: this thing to be over 57. want: money and world peace. not necessarily in that order. and actually, if you just give me world peace i’m happy without the money. 58. get married: definitely 59. career: i wanna be speech language pathologist so baddddd and i wanna specialize in post-acute brain injury rehabilitation

WHICH IS BETTER: 60. hugs or kisses: both are great obviously but i’m gonna say hugs 61. lips or eyes: ummm eyes i guess?? i don’t know??? 62. shorter or taller: i really do not care, except that maybe if a girl is a loooot shorter than me i’ll feel like a giant and that’s not something i would necessarily enjoy 63. older or younger: preferably about my age but it doesn’t really matter if we click. i wouldn’t date anyone under 20 tho 64. nice arms or nice stomach: i literally do not care at all. all arms and all stomachs are nice and i will fight anyone on this. 65. hook up or relationship: relationship all the way 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but i sometimes make trouble unwittingly

HAVE YOU EVER: (why are there two different parts for this?? just asking) 67. kissed a stranger: yeah 68. drank hard liquor: unfortunately, yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 70. turned someone down: yeah 71. sex on the first date: i wouldn’t plan on it (okay i forgot this was have you ever so edit: yeah) 72. broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so 73. had your heart broken: kinda yeah but that was super dumb and i’m 1000% over it 74. been arrested: not yet but if i ever enter the US again i probably will be. the smooth criminal that i am 75. cried when someone died: yeah 76. fallen for a friend: sorta yeah but only briefly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: sometimes 78. miracles: not really 79. love at first sight: no 80. santa claus: sure 81. kiss on the first date: why not 82. angels: girls? angels? absolutely

OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: i don’t really have a best friend 84. eye colour: greenish blue 85. favourite movie: WONDER WOMAN was amazing and also i love carol and the handmaiden. hidden figures was good too. somehow i’ve forgotten the names of all the other films i’ve watched in my life so i’m just gonna go with the four. plus, i’ve definitely seen mean girls more times than any of you combined and this is something i’m legitimately proud of. no joke.

[this--love-is-treacherous]

okay i know no one is going to read this, but i just want to put it out there and i don’t know maybe someone actually will take the time to read this and i don’t know maybe help me??? or understand me??? idk, but here it goes lately i’ve been feeling all kinds of emotions and being extra sentimental and, honestly, feeling like shit. And here goes why : a boy. WHAT A CLICHE AND TEENAGER THING TO DO, i know and trust me my head is just like “stop this” but… i can’t. So my story with this guy begins over a year ago, april (i think???) of 2016, i went to a friend’s surprise birthday party and he was going to be there, at that time i don’t even know who he was like i have only heard his name once and because one of my friends (kinda) made out with him. The thing is before meeting him (or any of the other guests) i hung out with a friend to buy a present and go together where the party was, so, anyway, my friend told me that she wanted something with him because they have been texting for like two days?? maybe?? and he seemed really nice and he was handsome and he seemed interested in her and she wanted some action lmao so, i asked her if she had asked Lucie (i’m gonna use names bc it’s gonna get really confusing. Rachel is the one who wanted to make a move on him and Lucie is the one who has already made out with him okay leT’S CONTINUE) if she was okay with that bc you know, obvious reasons, Rachel told me that they have an agreement and i was "okay which is??" she told me that none of them wanted something serious so the one he payed more attention or you know, were more flirty with, will me the one “allowed” to make a move on him. NOW flash forward to the birthday party, when i first met him he was sO NICE and i felt so comfortable??? which happens never with strangers??? i was shook. Anyway, so he starts being flirty with me, paying attention to me, and talking to me, laughing with me,… and little to nothing with the others , i flirted back but because i was comfortable and you know, flirting is kinda funny and you know at the time i saw it like innocent flirtation??? after we left all my friends started like ohmygod you two should make out, you were so cute, he definitely wants something with you….. like that and i was like no????? i’m not gonna see him, like, ever again????? and at the time it was true (little did i know) , i didn’t even had his phone so there wasn’t much that i could do so i just kinda forgot about him, he was just the guy i flirted with and that made me feel “"special”“ somehow bc he payed attention to me and not my hot friends so it was nice. One month later we happen to be in the same birthday party of anOTHER friend lol and as the time before we flirt and we laugh and he still pays attention to me so by this time i start to wonder "what if???” and after this birthday he follows me in instagram and somehow he got my snapchat as well, neither of us talk to each other but he is in the back of my mind and i start to think of him as my crush (i mostly blame my friends for this bc they were so like “you two are so cute!!!1!!���) and one day, out of the blue, he sends me a snapchat and i was like boy??????? anD here comes the ????? part : it was a photo of him about to go in the shower (NO NUDES DONT WORRY lmao) so i was like wtf and i “texted” him back with “cool background, your shower, nice place to take photos lmao” and he answers me “ well it’s obvious you’re new to my snapchat, i do this all the time” and i go to his snapchat story and the same photo was there so i was like okay he just sent me this by mistake cool no problem excEPT the next day he does exactly the same thing, not with a shower photo but you know a mirror photo, idk, unimportant really, he sent me the photo but the photo was also in his story so i start doing the same thing. We go on for like three days, doing that, not talking, not answering the snaps, just sending photos that everyone is seeing lmao, anyways, so by the third day we get the streak and i think we both panicked (at least i know i did, lol it was getting real??? i don’t know if that makes sense, but) and we stopped sending anything like, at all (btw i never EVER told my friends about this because a) they were gonna make this a big deal when i knew it wasn’t and b) i somehow wanted to keep this between us??? idk ) . Anyway, near a year goes by, and during all this time i do not see him or talk to him or anything of the sort but he somehow still is in my head??????? i don’t know why and i know it’s stupid but no matter what i do (or who i do….) i can’t get him out of my head, just with the hope that i would see him again and finally ALMOST A YEAR LATER i do. It was honestly so unexpected, i was at a local festivity called San Isidro in Madrid (which is where i live btw) and we just bumped into each other (not literally but i was not there to see him, i just went so say hi to a friend and there he was!!) so i’m like “hey!!??” , he says hi as well and we talk, small talk, for about 20 minutes and he actually remembers me!! (again, unexpected) and he says “long time no see, i missed you” (okay, let me just say that this guy is VERY FLIRTY with everyone like you could say he is a fuckboy and he just has one of those personalities, in Spain we say ‘tirafichas’ lol) and i was like dying on the inside!! but in the outside sonehow i managed to stay cool and be flirty like ohmygod really? and what did you missed most about me? and he just says “you make me laugh” and yes, you guessed it, i almost died like imagine your crush!!amazing!! so, after this we get separated, he goes home and i don’t see him again that night. THE NEXT NIGHT i see him again and this night we talk more and he spent together more time, with other people most of the time, but sometimes only the two of us in the conversation and he asks me what do i want to study i ask him how his grades are doing, things like that, nothing to serious and we still are flirty with each other and, at one point of the night, one of my friends who was drunk af see us talking and asks us “are you two dating???” AND I WAS SO MORTIFIED LIKE I WANTED THE EARTH TO JUST SWALLOW ME , FOR REAL!! the funny thing is that this friend, Gabby, she haven’t met him and i haven’t told her about him, ever!! So after that i think we were moth so “embarrassed” that we go in separate ways until a few hours later when i was talking to one of the friends we got in common and he joined us and he starts talking about the last girl she had made out with and how he “"kept”“ a list of all the girls he had made out with and i was so??? disgusted??? but not only for the fact that he was my crush cause, after all, i didn’t had a reason to be mad at him just because i had a crush on him didn’t mean that he couldn’t live his life, it was for the fact that he kept a list??? like women were trophies??? so i tell him like "ohmygod that is so lame and honestly so??? wrong???” and he just looks embarrassed and says “well it’s not like i write them down is just, i like to keep count, not for anything in particular, not to brag or anything, i never told the number of girls i made out with to anyone, i’m so sorry if it looked sexist to you it’s just a thing i do” so kinda calm down after this cause he sounded so sincere??? and for what i have talked to him he seemed not that kind of guy??? like, yes, he was a fuckboy but not in a bad way?? idk if that makes sense… so, one thing led to another and we end up talking about virginity lmao (we were more than the two of us in that conversation just so you know) and as the virgin ass bitch i am i just shut up and i hear the others talk about their first time and my crush (which i think you deserve to know his name if you made it this far lmao) whose name is Charles (IT SOUNDS MUCH NICER IN SPANISH : CARLOS , everybody calls him by his last name anyway which is Rayo , translated to english it means lightning lol) ANYWAY he says “i only fucked once and it was because i liked this girl and i was comfortable with her, i don’t just fuck with anyone just so you guys know” and….. my heart eyes came back with those words and beSIDES he was looking at me most of the time he was saying that!! like!! what are you trying to do!! Anyway, the night ends, nothing happens, of course and we don’t see each other for 10 days i think????? ACTUALLY something really funny and strange happened in these 10 days, i left a comment in a friend’s photo on instagram and two hours later i see he has left a comment in the same photo!! and i was so shocked cause this friend is from a totally different circle than all my other friends, she is a year older and i only know her because she is in my volleyball team so for me there was no way these two knew each other so i texted her asking why the hell did she knew him and she tells me a) their parents know each other so they’re like cousins and b) he has asked the exact same question. You must know that by this time my crush was increasing and increasing and increasing…….so, back to the story, we run into each other again at a mutual friend’s bday (ACTUALLY the same friend bday party we first met) and again, we talk we laugh we flirt… but he also flirts with other guest who he has made out with before, i knew her she was at my school but you know we weren’t friends of anything and i don’t take this personally cause as i said before he was my anything and he obviously could do his life and honestly it hurt but like not really??? i think because i basically assumed that nothing was gonna happen that he was flirting with me and i’ll take that because i liked the feeling but i was okay with nothing happening i assumed that this feeling, whatever it was, it’ll go away, eventually. So that night we were at my friend’s house and some of us (including him and me) went to buy some alcohol (it was pretty late by then, like midnight probably???) so in this ….walk??? we ended up alone (like not alone ALONE, but like with some distance between us and the others) and he asked me about my love-life and i said like well i have a plan A but idk i don’t think it’s gonna work out (i was referring to him, of course) and he said “well, do you like this guy?? or this girl cause you know i don’t want to assume things” (I ALMOST DIED RIGHT THERE CAUSE I NEVER EVER EVER HAD KNOWN ANYONE OUTSIDE THE COMUNITY WHO HAS SAID THIS WITHOUT KNOWING MY SEXUALITY) so i answered “well i’m bisexual, but this one is a guy and no i don’t really like him it’s just ugh idk” by that time i wouldn’t admit that i liked him so i didn’t say lmao to what he said “nice, on the bisexuality thing. And you know if you don’t really like this guy then search for a plan B?” and i replied “Well, if I just could, but idk it’s just weird. But enough about me, what about you, how many plans do you have?” and he said with so!!much!!honesty!! (at least it seemed) “well i’ve been lying to you if i said i don’t have a few plans here and there but like lately everytime i make out with someone it’s just so ?? idk void?? and i’m not saying i want a girlfriend because let’s be honest i am not the relationship type but idk lately i’ve been in a down mood in my love life” so i told him i understood him completely and he was about to say something when the bday girl interrupted us (I LOVE HER BUT!!!! girl!!!! although in her defense she didn’t know that he was my crush if that i had weird feelings towards him so..) and said to him that she noticed him kinda sad and that he had to cheer up (i didn’t know him that well to know if he was sad but he has always been a cheerful guy around me that this broke my heart a little) and then she said like “don’t worry soon we’ll get you some girl so you can cheer up” (as i said he is quite a fuckboy and he has that game iand all his friends kind mess around with him because of it) but this time he said “okay you can quit with that already” and even his/my friend was a little shook tbh and from that conversation and forward he wouldn’t even talk to me like yeah if we were in the same group talking we would like say something to me but never too much, he totally changed how he behaved around me, he would talk and laugh and flirt with the others and when he maybe before looked for me he literally just moved if i came near him , idk it was weird. The night finally ended and despite the fact that i never said anything to my friends about how i felt for them rayo was just like “if it happens, it happens, but i’m not going to force it” when it really was “please please please let this happen i want it really bad” one of my friends that night kept insisting me that i made a move on him (which i didn’t obviously). After that night i was sure this was over, the flirtation the hopes, everything, over and i was ready to assume that and besides my most important exams where about to begins so i spent less time thinking about him, only when i listened to certain songs or when i saw his photo on instagram but i never let myself think about him too much on those days and honestly i was thankful for the distraction. Unfortunately, the distraction came to an end and my exams finished so everyone went out to party and GUESS WHO I FOUND (again, it was kinda of a festivity that we do when everyone finished these specific exams and we do it in the most known madrid university campus and we just drink, basically. It’s a little weird when i describe it but it’s typical spanish lmao) so i saw him and i was a little drunk, he was too, and he said hi and he acted normal again with me and again he flirted and he messed with me, and i did with him and we were back at it and i was so drunk that i didn’t even had time to think what this was going to do with my brain. And it was like the other times except this time he was being much more physical like other times maybe he grabbed my hand or “punched” me but it was platonic, but this time he hugged me and grabbed my hand x1000 times than usual and rest his head on my shoulder when we were sitting…. things like that and even one time he put his arm around me and our faces were INCHES away and he said “we’re quite a pair” (he didn’t literally said that but there’s not literal translation for what he said to me, this is the most alike i think) and since i was really drunk and he was too i was going to make a move and you know, blame it on the alcohol if it didn’t work but esforcé i could do anything he STEPPED AWAY. We continued talking, he took my alcohol away (by one my friend’s order lmao) and before i realised he was gone like, gone gone. Yes, he said goodbye, but you know my goal that night was to make a move on him and i couldn’t and when he left the alcohol hit me like a bitch and i was really sad (not only bc of him but other stuff too) so after crying for like 30 minutes??? i went home and in the way back my drunk ass texted him “heyyy! you kept my alcohol. not cool.” and after i sent it i showed to one of my friends like what the hell did i just do (AGAIN i must remind you my friends were clueless about my feelings for all they knew that night was just another opportunity for me to make out with him, and they totally thought i was crying about something else cause not once no matter how drunk i was i told them i was bothered for what had happened that night and they even didn’t know what happened after the next day when i told them) anYWAY back to the text, after sending that and not having an answer for like 15 minutes??? he texted me back saying “right, sorry ❤️” and i just replied with a “hahaha” (SMOOTH, RACHEL lol) sO THE NEXT DAY i pretended like i didn’t remember the conversation and said “lol i don’t remember texting you i guess i was really drunk yesterday. Tbh i’m kinda glad you took my alcohol, god knows where i had ended, well, at least i do know that i didn’t do anything i could have regretted today” (the last one was like a indirect??? don’t know if he got it) anyway he texted back and we kept talking for the rest of the day and he seemed interested in keeping the conversation so i was happy until the end of the day when he just let it die, like literally, it was SO EASY to continue the conversation cause i just had asked a question so after his reply it was enough for him to say “what about you?” but hE DID NOT so after that day (this was june already) we don’t talk again cause you know he let it die so i’m not gonna crawl back i’m sorry i still have my pride and after a few days i find out that he has been talking to this girl which was also at my school and being so obvious at her and just telling her that they should meet and that she was really pretty and you know just throwing himself at her, again i wasn’t jealous but this time it was really clear that he did not want anything with me cause if he did then he would’ve been as obvious with me as he was being with this girl so I FINALLY FINALLY accepted it, it hurt and it wasn’t easy i still had these feelings which were just getting stronger everytime i saw him and talked to him but i thought i have learnt my lesson. Then a week ago i saw him again and THE MOST CONFUSING THING happened, i run into him with some friends who he already knew and so he said hi and greeted (that exists????) with two kisses in the cheek (again, typical spanish) then he comes to me and instead giving me two kisses as he had done with everyone else and this includes two of his best friends he hUGS ME like literally put his arms around me!! and i’m like wtf!! so i put my arms around him too you know to, be nice?? and after 3 seconds?? i remove them cause i don’t want it to be awkward bUT he does not remove it and he says “come on, it’s you and me we deserve a hug” AND AGAIN I WAS SHOOK AF !! so after 20 seconds, easily???? he pulls back and goes to say hi to the rest of the people (again with the normal greeting of two kisses on the cheeks) and i am left standing there shook and my friend tells me “what the hell was that” and i’m like “no idea ” . So during the whole time he was there h e is AGAIN FLIRTING WITH ME AND BEING SUPER PHYSICAL and yes i relapsed because he is so cute!! and i am so comfortable around him!! and then he leaves and says “well, see you around” AND THAT’S IT BUT IM HONESTLY SO CONFUSED BY THIS GUY AND MY FRIENDS BASED ON THE THINGS THEY KNOW TELL ME THAT HE LIKES ME AND I DON’T WANT TO HAVE HIGH HOPES BUT I’D BE LYING IF I TOLD YOU THAT ONE SMALL PART OF ME DOESN’T THINK SO AS WELL BUT ITHER PART TELLS ME THAT HE DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING AND MAYBE HE IS MOCKING ME BECAUSE HE THINKS I LIKE HIM IR MAYBE HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS OR??????? idk this is really stressful so if anyone made it this far, probably no lmao, a) any advice????? b) im sorry for my grammar or typos it’s really late and i’m just pouring my thoughts so i’m not really thinking straight and c) thank you??? i guess??? for listening???

[tartagyu]

92 questions ✨

rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag as many people as you like!

tagged by: @bamethyst ; thank you for the tag nora! 💖 tagging: @astonishowell, @ggukgf, @chaiteasuga, @ttae, @agustboy, @cypherr, @sprxngday, @gayminyoongi ,,i know we don’t talk much but i regard y’all as my mutuals ☺️💗

THE LAST: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: with a group mate from one of my classes 3. text message: asking my friend a question about school work zz 4. song you listened to: critical beauty // pentagon 5. time you cried: i nearly cried when i reread a letter to myself written from my 27yo self’s perspective from a week ago but i dont rmb when i actually cried. i think a month ago? like i cried myself to sleep?idk 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone i liked y ikez 8. been cheated on: never properly dated people so nope; but if u mean in terms of friendship, yup 9. lost someone special: yea 10. been depressed: ye i think so  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, underaged y’all

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12-14. pastel blue, any shade of purple, grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: not rly; only early this year bc i transitioned from my secondary school to a polytechnic 16. fallen out of love: kinda?idk if changing biases counted as falling out of love? 17. laughed until you cried: i think so;; now i miss my old friends 18. found out someone was talking about you: not rly but i always think that someone does 19. met someone who changed you: yeah 20. found out who your friends are: they’ve been there since 2015 so nope 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: um,, my mum?lol

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: majority of them. i used to be a Swifitie so i talked to the Swifties on there and make friends with them but not anymore ofc 23. do you have any pets: no :( i want a pet cat 24. do you want to change your name: yeah, it’s too common. that’s why i’d rather be called “lish” :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i don’t rly remember? i think i was preparing for my o’s last year so i didn’t have a very fun bday party 26. what time did you wake up: 10am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching dan and phil play “dream daddy” 28. name something you can’t wait for: for got7 to come to singapore!!!! they came last year but i wasn’t that big a fan :( 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: about half an hour ago? she went out to buy lunch and run errands 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i could be more self-motivated 31. what are you listening to right now: down // fifth harmony 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: holland 33. something that is getting on your nerves: i get so anxious and my brain feels like it is going to explode whenever i near the deadline for assignments  34. most visited website: tumblr, youtube, twitter 35. moles: one on my ear that looks like a piercing, one on the side of my left hand near the pinky 36. marks: tuans; jk i don’t have them, i think 38. hair colour: black?dark brown? 39. long or short hair: long 40. do you have a crush on someone: yugyeom 💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 41. what do you like about yourself: um, i can draw?i think // follow my art instagram (gotta get that promo)  42. piercings: nope; but people always mistake my mole on my ear for one 43. blood type: idek,, a? 44. nickname: lish (which i prefer people to call me; i’m grateful for that friend who made it but we don’t talk much anymore), alicia cheese (bc my last name is chee,, this is such a primary school joke), ciacia (sher-sher; my mum used to call me that) 45. relationship status: single  46. zodiac: dragon (chinese zodiac), taurus (if you mean my star sign) 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favourite tv show: shadowhunters, riverdale (these series are so problematic idek why i like them so much but i love shadowhunters bc i’ve read the mortal instruments and it’s lit af);; i don’t watch a lot of tv series now though 49. tattoos: nup 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: ashy colour or light blue 53. sport: i like badminton but i don’t play it much now 55. vacation: i went to hong kong, taiwan, japan and malaysia (too many times to count, especially genting) before but i want to visit london and south korea 56. pair of trainers: i wear my school shoes (they are like sneakers) to play sports if that’s what trainers are for

MORE GENERAL 57. eating: not yet 58. drinking: my saliva 59. i’m about to: finalise what i have to present with my group on monday sighh 61. waiting for: my mother to buy lunch 62. want: to get this semester over with 63. get married: i will probably be single with my apartment full of cats 64. career: psychologist!! 65. hugs or kisses: both 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: taller (i mean, look at yugy) 68. older or younger: older 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. hook up or relationship: relationship  73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: no, im smol 75. drank hard liquor: no, im smol 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: nope; but i stepped and sat on my glasses before and i’ve never worn contact lenses before 77. turned someone down: nope; no one has ever asked me out before, it’s always me who confess to them (i don’t do that now) 78. sex on the first date: no, im smol 79. broken someone’s heart: no 80. had your heart broken: i guess? 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: ofc 83. fallen for a friend: i liked him before i was even friends with him but yeah, i got over him now?i think? i still have dreams abt him u gh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: i want to ,,but idk 85. miracles: kinda 86. love at first sight: n o 87. santa claus: i didn’t believe in him since the beginning, i think; i mean he is a white guy and i live in an asian country so when i was little, i thought i never rly saw these kind of people where i live (is this offensive,, sorry) 88. kiss on the first date: depends; i’ve never gone on a date with anyone before 89. angels: i mean jimin, yugyeom, hoseok and jackson exist so yeah

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: i have a couple of close friends now but not rly best friend? it’s too early for that, i’ve only just known these people for a few months 91. eye colour: dark brown?black? 92. favourite movie: currently my fav movie is split (when dr fletcher was like what if people with D.I.D. have unlocked the full potential of the brain, i was positively shookt) and guardians of the galaxy vol i. and ii. (gotg never gets old, it’s the shit y’all)

[hockeymommy2]

Quick vent where my fam can’t see...

My brother is 3 1/2 years younger than I am and we cld not have grown up differently.

As a 1st grader I had to choose between starting Girl Scouts and continuing dance class bc I was only allowed 1 activity. My brother played soccer, basketball, baseball, and did Cub Scouts all through grade school he had at least 2 going on at any given time. My grandmother took me to get my drivers license between school and a choir event so that my mom wldnt have to pick me up after the event or even come to it. When my brother got his license he missed 1/2 day of school and both of my parents took 1/2 day off work so that they could all go together to get his license bc they didn’t want to miss it. My first car was ‘91 ford tempo that was my great aunts car she gave me right before she died, this was 2003, I wrecked it (not my fault), I bought a car that I personally had to make payments on from another family member who felt bad my parents wldnt help me. My brother was purchased a car, wrecked it (his fault), and then was purchased another car. I was given $10 a week from each parent, this was $20 a week to cover all my gas, school lunch, and anything I did w friend over the weekends, $20 total for the week nothing more. My brother got a full tank of gas a week, $20 from each parent, this is $40 for school lunch alone, and $$ every weekend to cover whatever he was doing w friends. I was forced to start working before I graduated high school, was told college was my own problem, and that I must be working and in school full time to live at home, I graduated w $50,000 in student loans after dropping out bc I cld this afford it moving out bc I wasn’t allowed to live at home and then going back. My brother graduated w no student loans and didn’t work through college and they paid for him to live in an apartment and all expenses bc he didn’t want to commute 40mins each way. Now my current issue... Backstory: When my parents turned 40 I threw my dad a huge surprise party and bought my mom a nice gift(she hates parties). When they turned 50 I threw my dad a big party and planned a trip to FL for my mom (didn’t pay for it but planned this huge trip all the flights, hotels, cars, and dinners) and had a huge gift basket in her room as a surprise. This is all with no help of any kind from my brother. Who wldnt even come on my moms trip bc he had to pay his own way. Now when I turned 30 I kind of expected them to make a big deal or do something special. Instead we ate at a restaurant I don’t care for bc my mom thought it wld be easier and had a CostCo cake I didn’t like bc my mom and step dad wanted to try it. No special anything of any kind, we all do a family dinner for each persons b-day. No special gift just a card w a little cash. No thought for me if any kind went into this. My brother, who lives 16 hours away from the rest of us, turns 30 in 4 months, they are all planning a trip to surprise him on his b-day. Like freaking out about how they have to do something big bc he’s 30 this year. I’m offended like seriously seriously personally to my soul offended they could have so little thought for me when they are always so excited about everything for him. My mom has skipped at least 1/2 of my family bday dinners for various reasons over the last 10 years and never 1 of his. Even w him 16 hours away the last couple of years we do a big family birthday dinner here on his birthday and FaceTime him, this is at her instance. I feel so crappy and unloved by how her and my dad treat me and even at over 30 years old it crushes me to see them dawn over him and give me not a thought.

[applesauce38]

bad BAD rough night monday. drank 4 gin sodas a mickeys and an oberon tall can ... blacked out in th parking lot behind lous and kept falling in the gravel and apologizing . thankfully some dudes drove me n chris back to his house .... chris was worse off than i was. he had to be carried into his house i managed to stumble in on my own :( oh and i must have hit my head rly hard on something bc i have a big contusion on my left temple ish area ... i don’t remember hitting my head but uhhh that’s getting black out drunk for ya . thankful i have a guardian angel who kept me safe ... i can’t and won’t keep doing that to myself it’s unfair and evil and i spend so much $ . i missed my lecture tuesday bc i couldn’t see straight and i think i was still drunk. i managed to get a quiz done and got 10/10 but it was so hard to read the words were swimming. i felt like death. i went straight to sarah’s at 6:30 when i woke up at christopher’s house .... i feel so bad for him . i know he’s going through a lot .. he gets so angry at the unfairness and badness of everything . went to sarah’s but stopped and got bad lattes and bad donuts first. she’s in love with me. i am not sure if i love her but i think about her a lot lately... i was kissing syoma and i couldn’t stop thinking about kissing sarah instead...that felt very weird. slept and cuddled w sarah for a couple hours / missed lecture...dragged myself to the library at about 11 or 12 and did that quiz ... felt like vom and left before i studied for a quiz in organic chem today. managed to drive home even tho i wanted to cry till i died . riv was home she was nice to me and i ate some hash browns , threw up , snacked some more , pet the cats and slept till 9:30 ... riv and i went to tacos bells and i had a spst beans and a diet pepsi ... went home and went back to bed ... today was hard but i’m doing it!! it took a couple snooze buttons to wake up but i got to valencia by 7:30 and had time to finish my organic hw due today and study for the quiz , also i got a parking decal .. called my mom she didn’t answer . i need to look inside myself more. no one can help me if i don’t help me too. waiting for class to start . i never feel good around my bday and this year is no exception... i was thinking i might have a party or do something w friends but i’m not . i’m 23 on the tenth and i feel like i am so slow and so hard all the time . feel like a burden to my mom . she loves me but she is worried that i am not going to figure it out. i want to figure it out! i want to be okay! i want to hurry up and finish my undergrad it feels like it’s been forever ... well it’s been 5 years and it’s gonna take 6 but i guess that’s just something i have to accept . started wearing deodorant bc i’ve been in public ... crazy how things change sarah is spiraling and as nice as it could be if we were together i can’t do it if she’s going to keep doing what she’s been doing . i only fall for addicts . riv has turned it around and i’m so proud of her for that. i am very up and down wrt my substance abuse . i want to NOT abuse substances it makes life hell . dad says addicts will always break your heart and it’s true i break my own heart...i think about monday night and i wonder why i would do that to myself . if christopher hadn’t been out i wouldn’t have been able to crash there and then what? i would have passed out in the parking lot behind lous and ABSOLUTE best case i sleep it off for a couple hours and then hobble to my car WORST case i’m assaulted and raped or killed or god knows what . i was in a little t shirt dress and i was wearing my little black leather backpack that flakes off the leatherette onto everything. i miss izzy i miss adam i feel bad but maybe things will be okay . i love you thank you my angel .