#my first deadlines are next week
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This college application season I’ve decided on giving up on any and all attempts to Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss my way through and have instead decided to implement a new strategy: Disappoint, Disassociate, Disdain
#adventures of a (technically) college bound kid#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#disappoint disassociate disdain#teddy 06#teddy06#I’m so ready to give up on applications and I haven’t submited any#my first deadlines are next week#I can’t figure out how to upload rec letters#and my transcript might be wrong#so this is going great#college#college applications
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i write one sentence and then go on phone for an hour..
#it’s not even an intellectually hard essay to write. i’ve already done all the intellectual work which was fairly easy in the first place#i just can’t bring myself to do ittttt#and i know my prof will accept late submissions so the deadline doesn’t feel as real. but i need to get it done so i can move on to my other#big project for next week…#jules.txt
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i emailed my boss saying he needs to talk to the people developing a satellite i’m working on (unpaid) bc they’re giving me too much work and it’s unsustainable please clap
#the whole point of doing this free development for them is to be first in line for money to do the science once it’s launched#but the launch date has been pushed back AGAIN and now it’s getting launched after my contract ends#so if i don’t get my own funding to stay at this research institute i’ll be gone before science funding for this satellite comes through#and all this free work will be for nothing#except the vague nebulous statement on my cv that i’ve worked on satellite development#anyway this project is flat broke so i doubt they’ll pay me to do the work they want#so maybe no one will do the work? not my problem frankly#anyway i told them today that i won’t be able to do work on this satellite for the next three weeks bc i have two conferences#and a paper revision deadline within the next 3 weeks that will take all my time#and they asked me to do HOURS of work TOMORROW#so that is apparently my breaking point#and they clearly don’t listen to me when i say im overloaded so maybe they will listen to my boss
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end of march is crazy for writing like i have a 1.5k essay im doing today and tomorrow, a 2k word essay im doing wednesday and a 1k word research proposal im doing friday. and in the remaining week of the month i am WILLINGLY going to finish taob (~10k OPTIMISTICALLY) and make a solid start on tams (~5k-10k depending on how well writing goes). like yes girl write around 20k words worth of MULTIPLE PROJECTS in a handful of days there is no way this can end badly at all
#'hella no one is pressuring you to post anything if you arent able to or are overwhelmed by the barrage of uni work you have atm' stfu#i cannot stress enough the moment i give myself a self-imposed deadline for a fic it HAS to be met#like you guys could beg me to chill out and i simply would not cave#also i just got back from dnd and it was such a good session like i have actual friends there now#and the DM from today actually messaged me on facebook afterwards saying how much he enjoyed playing with me#and he said i brought a lot to the table and my interaction was 'better than some people that have been playing for 5+ years'#I GOT A GOOD GRADE IN DND SOMETHING THAT IS BOTH NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE#and next week is the first week im going without my mate bc she's away so i was a little nervous#but then this guy that's basically adopted us was like 'omg i'll make sure we're on a table together so you at least know me!'#which was nice enough on its own BUT THEN this dm that's been playing for over 40 years who always chats with us after#was like INSISTANT that we go on his table next week which im SO buzzing for bc he's like a veteran player he knows SO MUCH#and it felt very cool that he was actively inviting us like i dont think that's something he does often#hehehe im having fun with the freaks and weirdos <3333#hella goes to uni
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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore
#okay I'm a little ashamed#it's another 5 points i have to catch up with next semester#but it's making me want to kill myself and i don't even know if the professor would still accept it#(the original deadline was in October. i got an official extension until November. i guess it'd be just rude#to ask if it was still okay to send it#especially since i haven't done any substantial work on it#it's just bad. i hate the topic. i hate the way the professor views the subject 'language and emotion'#so that i cannot write what i want but would have to tailor it towards her views because otherwise I'd fail#and also i cannot write in german. i simply can not do it. )#it's better to move on and focus on my last paper for last semester (official deadline is end of March#so I'm not behind for once)#and i should do the assignments for a module i should have finished 1 year ago#so i don't have to do that next semester#and i should start studying korean again so i don't make a complete fool of myself next semester#I have my first day of work in 2 weeks so I'll also have to focus on working (for money) from there on#I've been paralyzed by the thought of having to write this paper for way too long#the professor is not my boss anymore (i still have to work off some hours though) and even if she was#I'm so done being ashamed of myself for not being able to do certain things#i wanna give it my best from now on but not for this paper. it's done.#void screams
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just a general psa because it bears repeating
- hi to new followers and old friends alike <3 - sorry i'm kind of low activity at the moment, it's finals season for me - low activity currently means that: (1) i write when i can (2) the things i write go in the queue mostly (3) the queue is scheduled to post once per day (4) threads have priority over asks (5) asks /will/ get answered but possibly not until february
#ooc tbt#i made a list of deadlines today and my first big milestone is jan 25th. second milestone is february 9th.#after that i might be free. if all goes well.#(might have a lovely week long break before the next semester starts :') )#also i'm going to sleep soon but it's been so lovely to be able to be here properly for a lil bit again <3
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i am Overwhelmed and really only have myself to blame
#welcome to academia#the deadlines......................#need to write 2k words to finish out this chapter#need to revise my proposal so i can send it back to my ''mentor''#need to apply for this job that's actually like. suited to my alleged capabilities.#need to prep slides for classes starting next week.#need to write article that i committed to for [x]#need to revise and resubmit other article#need to do proposal for [major national conference]#i should have been done with at least the first four things last week#now i need to be maybe done with them by the end of this week...#ppl keep telling me ''you've got this'' but i'm not sure i do#and mostly i wish i felt like. idk. more secure. about my career and material position.
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Tell me why your art is so GOOD??
you deserve all the love you can get, my friend..
<33333333333333333333333333333333333
like seriously.. you do.
THANK YOU!!!! :3 this means more than you'll ever know! <333
im so glad you like it!! idk if i can answer that question x3 i guess i like high contrast and chiaroscuro so that bleeds into my work a lot!! ;3
#thank you!!#ahh#hits in the feels#my heart!!!#btw for those wondering i finished the first christmas icon winner and am working on the 2nd!!#production is slow BUT they should be done by next week#i just had 4 deadlines this week#ya school is kicking my ass!!!#but its ok i will manage#all these supportive posts are getting me so motivated!!#so thank you!!
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I think I forgot how to have fun again so im gonna go check my infinite draft folder and write a little I think :)
#maybe ill enjoy it even#ugh tomorrow starts an intensive 5 day at work#need to finish some assets before friday#not my area of expertise#I also need to send some charms to the manufacturer#I'm getting the johnny one for myself as a treat though :)#I need to finish the art first however!#lets ramble a little more. I need to go to the bank.#I hope next week I can get some comic work done#after this deadline is over#and I'm back to my regular commissions#I'm taking a vacation on september though!#excited about that
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The Greek gods really went off with punishing Sisyphus huh
Like we all get that pushing that boulder uphill over and over is a hard job and also gets boring pretty quickly but it's cruel in a more complicated way than that
It's the growing frustration with failing the one simple task you've been doing for so long.
It's getting angry at yourself, why can't you learn anything from from what you just did.
It's always second guessing yourself if the problem is you, are you the reason you fail every time?
It's the loneliness when you have no one to ask even for smallest hints to make your work easier
It's seeing the boulder down the hill again and wondering if there is any end to this or is it just like that forever?
#greek mythology#sisyphus#sorrry i get tons of homework every week and have no energy to do them and when i try they take me hours for some reason and when i finally#do half of them it's the deadline already and next day i have another ton of them to do and cant finish the first pile#and then its exam wednesday and i didnt even study bc i feel like i spend my whole time over this homework so i know what it looks like and#i cant even look at the text book bc just looking at it makes me feel bad and guess how the exam goes...#its been two months i thought it would get easier by now but its the same#and it propably will be the same for the next two months until the semester ends and then for the next few years until i graduate#and knowing life after uni there will probably come another task that's exhausting in this way#the grind never stops
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being "good" at your job is such a fucking crock what do you mean i get even MORE WORK AS A RESULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#FINALLY finished the 130+ sections of inventory for one of the other engineers#only to be asked to do yet another engineer's inventory#like!!!!!!!! at least the first engineer's assistant doesn't do inventory so of course i was the natural choice to help#but now i'm helping another engineer with his even though HIS ASSISTANT ALREADY CAN DO INVENTORY#WHAT'S HE DOING WHY AREN'T YOU ASKING HIM TO DO IT WHY ME??????#and WHY!!!!!!!!!!! if the inventory deadline is fuckiNG TOMORROW!!!!! DID THEY ALL GO ON A TRIP THIS WEEK#IT'S A SYMPOSIUM THEY'RE NOT /THAT/ IMPORTANT#why did they all LEAVE on the week of a very important deadline!!!!!!!! why did our supervisor approve that!!!!!!#i wanted to be done with inventory so i could stop stressing about it but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me i guess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm not even TRYING to actively be a good employee up until last week i was sure i was gonna get a bad mark for me midyear#i dont WANT any of this extra work!!!!!!!!!!#i'd have to look at my original job description but i'm still pretty sure inventory was never technically a part of my official duties#ugh#i hate this i'm so tired i don't want to do MORE#do all this fucking inventory then spend 20 hours across the next two days in the fucking office i'm so sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#negative
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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first time at the movies alone <3
#🍒 — miri's version#im so excited u dont even knowww#growth growth growth#just like#i wanna learn how to enjoy me time and alone time again u know??#enjoy my own company#sooooo#first step !!#plus next week i have exams and deadlines 😃#calm before the storm
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Oh bubble tea and pair of half stale donuts. You're the only thing between me and me quitting my fucking job right now.
#does this count as a meal? it's my first meal of the day then :(#HEY YO guess who almost started fucking crying at her desk and is going to be working on the weekend to get something done :(#look. my boss. i like her as a person.#but she is a BAD manager.#what the fuck do you mean you thought I was supposed to be managing the whole website redevelopment for the subsidiary company????#when was i supposed to do that????#i couldn't have even done anything because we have established that all the formatting for the subsidiary company is to match our company#and that's only been really done in the last TWO days by a manager who has done NOTHING but build that for two days#WITH HELP from another person in the team#meanwhile I've been doing all this other urgent shit you've been asking me for#and now you're fucking 'disappointed' that I haven't kept up with the other manager? fuck all the way off#these two websites must be built in the next WEEK#we've had this deadline for MONTHS and we didn't fucking DO any of it until last week????#i have been WAITING for you to read through and approve the written content so i could start loading it in#AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T READ THROUGH IT#so. what? you're gonna read it later and make us re-do copying everything in?#we still don't even have images? you're making me put placeholder images#and then you're going to 'go through and decide what to use on each page'#fat chance of that#you have no idea how clunky this website system is. loading ANY image in takes TIME to process#i am going to SCREAM#i SAID this would happen. I SAID this whole thing would be mismanaged and we'd end up working overtime#im hungry. im tired. i have a headache.#to top it off I've got period cramps????? rage.#less than three months left and I'm rotating out of this team.#ramblings of a bystander
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dissertation diary: wrote like 4 full pages but with the specific requirements for lay-out that's like... 600 words. in a day. god. it's slow. i have like 2 hours left to write today and i really want to hit the 10K mark!! i'm at 9.2K :') please pray for me lol. i'm going to slice some melon and munch on that while i *die*
#i never in my goddamn life want to write a dissertation again#why can i not graduate without one#or why are the rules so strict on my faculty#other ppl i know could work in a group or write a max of 10k#i need to write at least 15k#thats a LOT#dissertation diary#<- might make this a regular thing for the next few weeks#i have a first deadline on august 1st & then a final deadline august 16th#!!
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i keep seeing gifs from our dining table on my dash bur unfortunately my brain refuses to let me watch anything at all that isn't a gmmtv series until i've finished writing my thesis
#ideally i'd be done writing it in a week#so ideally i'd be done writing it until the first bbs special ep airs#bc those two days i def won't get anything done#and i'm working as an assistant at a theater over the summer and our rehearsals#are starting thursday next week#i've got rehearsals almost every day in june so ideally i'd be done writing my thesis before that#but if i not manage then my next deadline is the 15th of june#bc if i send my thesis to my prof before that she'll give some feedback on it before i hand it in for real#so i'd like to do that bc then i'll also have a relatively chill summer#i'd only have to edit my thesis according to my prof's feedback but i don't have to deal with writing it anymore#airenyah plappert#adrm#yes i know i could be watching it in the evenings before bed when i'm no longer doing uni work!!!!#but the problem is my thesis is about the thai language with a focus on gmmtv subtitles!!!!#so my brain refuses to let me watch non-gmmtv things bc you know i could be missing out on some fantastic examples!!!#that i could use in my thesis!!!!!#(as if i'm not already struggling with how to stay within the word count with all the example dialogue that i've collected so far lmao)
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