#my first attempt at incorrect quotes

[ajzephyros]

Twilight: Wild were you stabbed?

Wild: No.

Time: . . .

Time: Were you poked with a knife?

Wild: Oh yeah several times.

[undercover-grisha]

Kaz: “Alright, it’s come to my attention that your teachers don’t teach you about how the banking system works yet. A clear flaw in the Ketterdam education system, but luckily you have me as a father and I can teach you how banks work better than they could anyways.”

Aashvi Ghafa (5 year old):

Jordan Ghafa (8 year old):

Kaz: “Now, you’re going to come up to me and convince me to loan you this money.”

Aashvi: “Hello, Baba! Can I have the money?”

Kaz: “And why do you need it today, young miss?”

Aashvi: “Because I’m adorable.”

Kaz: “Fair point. Bad reason. Denied.”

Aashvi: “Because I’m very sick.”

Kaz: “Do you have your extended medical history, and a medik, and your prescriptions, and your insurance provider with you? No? Denied.”

Aashvi: “That’s not fair.”

Kaz: “Exactly.”

Jordan: “I’ll pay for her.”

Kaz: “You don’t have any money.”

Jordan: “Yes I do. I just took it from that table while Aashvi was talking to you.”

Kaz:

Kaz: “I am. So. Proud of you.”

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 1 - Ratiorine Messages Edition

[Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

[golyadkin]

you can trust them, they're super scientists

[enthusiasm-darling]

Idky but this makes me think of Rosie and Alastor at the beginning of their friendship…

Rosie: (hands Alastor a little pastry bag)

Alastor: what’s this?

Rosie: I got you a cookie🥰

Alastor: what’d you have like (takes a bite) an extra?

Rosie: (shrugs shoulders) no

Alastor: … so you just like… got me a cookie?

Rosie: ya I was thinkin bout ya🥰

Alastor: ..what do you mean you were thinkin about me??

Rosie: what do you mean? Idk I was thinkin about ya, I think about you a lot, my deer

Alastor: (scrunches up his face in confusion) …why??

Rosie: (chuckles) idk because you’re my friend, you’re on my mind…

Rosie: … what, do you not think about me?

Alastor: (still looks confused) …of course not!

Rosie: (smile drops) … oh

[rateatingraccoon]

March (after the boys just got her a gift): Ahhh, this is why I love you two!

Dan Heng, looking at Caelus, then back at March: Really? I thought I was the only one who loved that stinky raccoon.

Caelus: Stinky? Raccoon?

March and Dan Heng, together: Yes.

[thatguywhodoesstuff]

A Painful Lesson

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Stolas: No foul rapscallion could ever hope to outmatch my legendary arcane skill!

Satan: Oh-ho-ho! Indeed, Stolas… Come closer. I shall teach you another combat technique so you can fight even better…

Stolas: Oh, Your Majesty! With all due respect, I, Stolas Goetia, am in all likelihood more skilled in the art of melee combat than you! But I, Stolas Goetia, will be very happy to hear you out and provide some humble criticism~

Satan: Alright. Step 1: Just stand perfectly still…

Stolas: Standing still in combat is very detrimental. But continue!

Satan: Step 2: Walk up to your hated enemy…

Stolas: It is better to be quick on your feet and fast with your movements.

Satan: (Pulling his fist back) Step 3: Raise your fist like I am doing right now, and prepare to unleash your

BURNING FURY UPON YOUR FOE’S UNEXPECTING FACE!!

Stolas: Well I, Stolas Goetia, would personally rather go into a cat stance like this and probably-

Satan: Step 4:

I CAST FIST!!!

(The Lord of Wrath proceeds to punch Stolas through the nearest wall)

Satan: Now…

GET OUT OF HERE!

Stolas: (Dazed) I, Stolas Goetia, cannot feel my teeth… (Proceeds to fall unconscious)

Andrealphus: How he’s survived this far is a fucking mystery.

[sternenhimmel-mond]

A woman from the broken province of Cyrodiil flees home after being disgraced from her family of lower noble status. She can no longer face them, she can't take the way they look at her and talk to her now. She heads north and unintentionally crosses the border into Skyrim, but by the time she realizes, it's too late. She's on a prisoner's cart with the leader of the rebellion ravaging the province and wasting valuable resources. They're on their way to an execution. After surviving the dragon attack that saves her life and helping a few people, she learns she is Dragonborn. A mortal with the ability to speak like the dragons and project her voice into a weapon. Along her journey to ridding the world of dragons, she gets cold feet and abandons her position as the savior of the world. She gets sucked into a scheme while trying to look for someone she had met previously, and joins the infamous guild of thieves that seems to have lost their spark, disgraced in their own way. She doesn't always like committing crimes, but these people look after each other, and what more could she hope for after what happened back home? All is well until a betrayal occurs, she's left for dead and she spooks like a wild deer, choosing to let everyone in the guild believe she's dead and she disappears. She wants to help people again, but doesn't trust the woman that was helping her destroy the dragons, so she looks into why a 10 year old boy would be summoning the all but eradicated Dark Brotherhood- the guild of assassins serving the Dread Father Sithis. The child begs her to kill the woman in charge of an orphanage. She knows that the Dark Brotherhood is either no longer a thing, or being very unprofessional by leaving this boy unanswered for a few months, so she takes it upon herself to help him out. After killing the orphanage owner, she gets kidnapped by the leader of what's left of the assassins guild. The leader promises her she can leave alive as long as she pays back her debt to them, and when she does, she is asked to join her little family. The woman is free to go and takes up the leader's offer, if only to have a family again. Killing people would be more of a means to an end, as what she really craved was a family. Another betrayal, but this time she decides she's done running, she fixes as much as she can from the fallout of this betrayal and decides she has to return to the thieves guild and stop the man who betrayed her from hurting the others. But she has some preparations to make before she shows her face there again.

Her name is Serelynn.

I have been playing a Skyrim character that I'm using to write a story with. I have had to change some in game events and dialogue to make it all fit right and sound better. Right now I'm nearing the end of what I planned and might go further after the planned story closes, but I also might not, the current stopping point is after she becomes the leader of the thieves guild. I have most of it written down, but it will need to go through a few editing sessions to make it all make more sense and sound better and whatever else. Also, as it stands right now, I skipped ahead in my writing to a little later in the main questline because trying to write the intro to the game up until kynesgrove felt so tedious and clunky to me. I might go back and write it in anyway. But for now, I want to know if anyone is interested in this story. There's a lot of details I left out, or perhaps I even added too much detail to my outline, but I figure an overall idea of certain story beats would help people decide if they like her or not.

As always, I would like to ask that this gets reblogged so more people will see it, but no pressure. I've been working on this for a long time now, and I hope people will be interested so I can share it instead of just keeping it to myself.

[serpercival]

[buthearmeouttho]

if I was part of the mcu (pt. 42)

John Walker, talking:

Me, leaning over to Bucky: you have a lighter?

John, pausing: you smoke? Aren’t you just a teenager?

Me: no, I’m an arsonist:) and a teenager, but no I don’t smoke

John: you know that’s a crime right?

Me: you know no one will miss you when you’re gone right?

John: I have a wife!

me: I hope she cheats in you with a divorce lawyer

Bucky: I have never been more proud in my life

[zorosangell]

Hi there! I hope you are well. I just found your blog and I loved everything you write, I was thinking about a writing that I think I've seen only a brief incorrect quote where Zoro becomes 40-year-old Zoro for a while and the reader, instead of worrying, feels horny seeing Zoro that way and well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination. If you don't feel comfortable with this request, you can ignore it. Thanks anyway 🫶

⛥ﾟ・。 theory

synopsis: the effects of a devil fruit age zoro into a forty year-old version of himself. and after his initial annoyance passes, he grows thankful... as you can't seem to keep your hands off him.

cw: fluffy fluff, comfort, reader is shameless, reader is down bad for zoro, zoro's a bit of a simp.

a/n: gnawing on the bars of my enclosure I NEED THIS MAN

"Are you gonna stop staring at me any time soon?" Zoro sighed, crossing his thick arms over his chest as he glanced at you out the corner of his eye, voice gruff and seasoned. "'Cause you've been sittin' there with the same look on your face for past thirty minutes..."

"Never," you instantly shook your head, eyes starry as they raked over him for the hundredth time.

Your expression didn't even attempt at concealing the thoughts racing through your mind.

But if they could be attributed to one word, it would be—

Nasty.

"I don't get why you're so riled up..." he scoffed, turning his gaze away from you, cheeks a faint tinge of pink. "I'm out of my prime. My body's all soft..."

He glanced down at his abdomen, annoyed, as what were once rock-hard abs, were now flesh-hard, all of his muscles slightly softer with age.

He'd spent years fine-tuning his body, training and throwing himself at trial after trial in order to hone it into the perfect medium for his swordplay.

Only for all his hard work to be undone in one afternoon.

And only for you to be utterly elated about it.

"I know right!" you beamed, resting a fascinated hand on his stomach, gently caressing his torso.

You sat next to him on your knees, body turned to face him completely so you could get a perfect view of his face.

For the first time in your life, you were thankful for an annoying, D-List devil fruit user—as without that weird man from the last island, you never would've been able to experience the sight that was your swordsman in his forties.

At least... not for another twenty years.

Besides, you didn't let the appearance fool you.

Your swordsman was just as strong, if not more, in this body—he just had a little extra beef, is all.

And you were absolutely loving it.

"I thought you liked my muscles?" Zoro raised a brow, still lost at how cool you were with all this.

When he got changed, he thought you wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole, or at least steer clear until it wore off, in fear of things becoming awkward.

But you were all over him—even more so than usual.

"I love your muscles," you admitted, shamelessly. "But there's something about you older that's just..."

You smiled a coy smile, looking off to the side as you let out a sigh of content, your face painting him a perfect picture.

"(y/n)... at this age, I'm old enough to be your dad," Zoro deadpanned, face burning at your insinuation.

"You act like that's supposed to deter me..."

"(Y/N)!"

"I'm just being honest! You're hot, Zoro! I don't know what else you want from me!"

Embarrassed, the man turned away from you, glancing out at sea in an attempt to hide it.

'Crazy woman...'

Some days, he just didn't understand you.

"Don't give me that face," you scoffed, giving his shoulder a soft smack. "You're telling me that if I was turned into a forty year-old bombshell, you wouldn't be into it? ...At all?"

Zoro paused, taking a moment to think.

You... your curves and hips filled out even more than they already were, acting as perfect places to rest his hands.

You... your stomach and thighs thick with some pudge, primed for grabbing and kneading.

You... your tits slightly bigger, enlarged by the children you'd given him.

You... your voice slightly deeper, seasoned with enough age and wisdom to give you a permanent bedroom voice.

It sounded like a dream.

He smirked, eyes flicking to the crow's nest—where the bastard who changed him was being locked up—with a faint glimmer.

A dream... he was more than willing to indulge in.

Without warning, he stood up from the bench, tossing you over his shoulder as if you weighed nothing.

You let out a yelp of surprise, face burning as your hands quickly moved to cover your skirt, not wanting to accidentally flash the crew.

"Zoro! What are you—?! You can't just grab me!" you flushed, mortified, as he began to walk toward the crow's nest, holding you as if you were a sack of potatoes. "Where are we even going?!"

Amused, Zoro let out a devious, knowing chuckle, his hand giving your thigh a quick squeeze.

"I got a theory I wanna test... and I need your help..."

And if his theory was right, you two wouldn't be making it out his room for the rest of the night.

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

Hello. I don’t know whose post this is or where it came from, but before I had a tumblr account I saw an ask post wherein someone asked, “ If skeletons were real, do you think boner would be a slur for them?” I don’t remember the answer from the blogger, but somewhere in the reblogs someone said “I have wonderful news for op regarding the realness of skeletons.” That has probably changed my vocabulary more than any other tumblr post. Love saying “wonderful news for op regarding the realness of x”. One time a roommate was trying to quote it and he just said so happily, “Good news for OP about skeletons?”

i can only find this screenshot of the post in question from r/curatedtumblr. attempting to search for the actual post has brought up only further screenshots and also incorrect quotes blogs. the good news is that you're not hallucinating, the bad news is that this post appears to have been wiped from tumblr itself and/or was never a real post in the first place.

[yuno-karei]

[Image ID: A Mairimashita! Iruma-kun comic based on incorrect quotes. Opera in the first image says "I scare people sometimes because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there. " with a sigh. In the second image, it's a bottom up shot with Kalego squatting on top of a cupboard, scared shitless while holding onto a spray bottle and pointing it at Opera in an attempt to defend himself. "How did you get into my house!? " he asks. A bit of the back of Opera's head is shown in the bottom right corner of the image, and their ear wiggles while they reply "Exactly. " in delight. End ID]

Yeah.

[starry-bi-sky]

Danyal Al Ghul: Incorrect Quotes and Miscellaneous Thoughts

Incorrect quotes-style snippets specifically for my danyal al ghul au here (which i really need to come up with a unique au name for atp). Because I thought it'd be funny. And also some miscellaneous headcanons thrown into the mix. Some context for the au: - Danyal is 5 years older than Damian (so 10 and 15) - Danny faked his death when he was 10. Talia knows and helped him with it. - Jazz, Sam, and Tucker do not know he's an ex-assassin.

-------- Snippet 1

Danny, dryly tapping his temple: I have, as the Americans say, irreparable psychological damage, right here.

Jazz, an older sibling first and foremost: well, it's good that you're self-aware.

-------- Snippet 2

Danny, aged 10, in the American foster planning to just age out of the system: *emanating Bad Vibes. Pure, Little Orphan Tom Riddle Energy*

Jazz, aged 12, coming in to adopt a new sibling with her parents: Him. This is my brother now :)

Danny: ...what

--------

Lilo and Stitch is Danny's favorite Disney movie. He watched it when he was 11 with Jazz when she was attempting to connect with him, and by this point Danny was becoming receptive to her efforts. They had a movie marathon in the living room one night.

Safe to say? It resonated with his little 11 year old heart strongly, and he related very strongly with both Nani and Stitch. He got unexpectedly emotional and hid in his room for the rest of the night. Jazz felt really bad, but it had the intended (but kinda unexpected) effect of him trying to be nicer to her afterwards.

-------- Snippet 3

Dash, aged 12, causing trouble again and getting intercepted by Danny: *scaling up a desk* AHHHHH! GET YOUR LITTLE FREAK, FOLEY!

Tucker: Hey! Danny is not a freak!

Dash: GET HIM TO BACK OFF

Tucker, was the kid Dash was messing with: ....whats in it for me

-------- Snippet 4

Danny, saying some questionably immoral shit: What. Why are you looking at me like that.

Tucker: Bro. I mean this as kindly as possible; what the fuck?

Sam: yeah, I'm with Tuck on this one.

-------- Snippet 5

Danny, ranting about Vlad: if it weren't for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered him

Sam, painting his nails black: I'm pretty sure you'd slaughter him regardless of the laws of the land -- and quit moving, you're gonna mess me up.

Tucker: we've literally seen you debate yourself about this, Dan

Danny: ...you are correct, but it is the principle of things.

-------- Snippet 6

Vlad: I have experience my child, and the money and power attained through using those powers for personal gain, you say. I could train you, teach you everything I know! And all you have to do is renounce that idiot adoptive father of yours.

Danny, was already contemplating committing a Violence: ....

Danny, internally: I'm going to stab him *turns into Phantom*

--------

Funny contrast I realized between Danyal and Vlad that iirc I haven't pointed out yet is that imo, Danyal doesn't rely on his powers nearly half as much as canon Danny does. He falls back instinctually on his League training, and thus sometimes forgets to use his powers in battle. This was prevalent especially early on when he was still getting used to the whole 'halfa' thing.

He incorporates them more often after a year, but still for the most part relies on his own physical hand-to-hand combat. He trusts those skills much more than he does his powers. I'm not sure where he is on a technical level compared to canon, but just to stay safe I'll say he's similar in power skill as canon Danny. Perhaps a little more finessed than him because his League training would probably have him trying to figure out his powers as soon as possible.

But in summary? Danny is strong in hand-to-hand combat, weak in powerset.

Meanwhile Vlad is the opposite. I can't recall if he even knows hand-to-hand in canon, but it makes total sense to me that Vlad Masters wouldn't because he's so confident in his monetary influence and ghost abilities that he sees no need for it.

And he's kinda got some merit behind it. He's very powerful and has 20 years of experience to experiment and fine tune his powers. He's got bite to follow up his bark. He's perfected long-range combat and his ability to phase through walls makes it impossible to corner him, but if you can manage it, then one good hit could probably knock him on his ass.

So in summary, Vlad is strong in powerset, weak in hand-to-hand combat.

And it casts a good contrast between the two of them in that regard. Danny, as a fellow halfa, can follow Vlad when he phases through walls and is fast enough to land a hit on him. His league training as an assassin, albeit rusty, is still deep ingrained enough in him that he can hold up as a rather veritable threat against Vlad without needing his powers.

But Vlad can force Danny to use his powers more often through use of his own. The duplication is the first thing to come to mind: Danny's fast enough to dispel them on his own without powers, and smart enough that he could figure out who the real one is if given a few minute. But that's not always efficient enough.

Good foils for each other that way. Also Vlad's Plasmius design mimics Ra's juuust enough that he looks like Ra's knockoff loser second cousin no one talks about, which only fuels Danny's hatred.

-------- Snippet 7

Danny, ranting about Vlad for the first time: --and it's only made worse by the fact that the little ingrate resembles a cheap knock-off of my grandfather!--

Sam, choking on her water: he what--

Tucker, doing a spittake: HE DOES?

[luxthestrange]

KNY Incorrect quotes#66 Dating Advice

Hashira!Y/n: If you want my advice- Muichiro*Wanting to get closer to Tanjiro* No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your Boyfriend...Multiple times Y/n: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, He tried to also tried to kill me Aizetsu: It’s true. It was a mutually attempted murder...

[sveniak]

Incorrect Quotes Error 143

🌸a/n : english is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any conjugation or grammatical errors.

1 First Meet

Caspian — So, how did you two meet ?

Micah Yujin — Angel hack my computer.

Caspian — What ?

Micah Yujin — And that's how I knew he/she/they was the one for me.

2 Worm

Micah Yujin — If you were a worm, what kind of worm would you be ?

Angel — A worm that hacks your phone and texts your friends emabarrassing things.

3 Firewall

Micah Yujin — I could hack your heart.

Angel — Too bad, I already installed a firewall.

4 Attempted Flirtation

Micah Yujin — Are you a keyboard ? Because you're just my type.

Angel — Are you a pop-up ad ? Because you're persistent but kinda cute.

5 Breakfast

Caspian — Can you keep a secret ?

Micah Yujin — I'm a hacker. Secrets are my breakfast.