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irenadel · 4 years ago

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i wanna talk books so I made a meme

@doorsclosingslowly here’s the answers to your questions :)

6. If you read in more than one language, is there a difference between the experience of reading in your native language(s) and reading in other languages?

Virginia Woolf has a great quote in A Room of One’s Own where she says that women writers need to develop their own “sentence” and that this can only be developed through creating a tradition of female writing. She says that while reading male writers is pleasurable, it isn��t useful for the female writer, that she can’t learn from the way men write. Their “sentence” isn’t suitable for female writing. I’m.... unsure of how much I agree with her on this but I find the theory useful for describing how I approach literature in Spanish vs English.

Especially in terms of language, not so much in regards to narrative or worldbuilding or even themes, I find Spanish to be pleasurable but not useful. I very rarely find myself reading something in Spanish and thinking “ooooh, I wish I could do that! I want to steal that! How did they come up with this?” The “sentence” for writing in Spanish isn’t one I recognize or want to imitate... except maybe for VERY few exceptions like Carlos Fuentes and Borges. Whereas I can spend a lot of time reading English un-selfconsciously and then suddenly be struck by a turn of phrase that I must somehow or other make my own. That almost never happens to me when reading Spanish.

9. Fiction or non-fiction or both? In what ratio? Where do you draw the line between the two?

Oh god, this is embarassing. Erm... fiction to a fault. On 2020 and 2019 I did try to make a concerted effort to read more nonfiction, ESPECIALLY more popular science books. I still kind of childishly consider myself to not be “smart like that” and that science isn’t for me, because I don’t understand it. I used to think science fiction wasn’t for me, for similar reasons. When I do read nonfiction it tends to be history and literary criticism.

I’m finishing my degree on English literature and though I had a period of hating hard on literary criticism, I think it was mostly me rebelling against the French brand of it. I HAVE to admit I love reading new historicism, especially now that I’m working on my dissertation and I had to read a lot on Elizabethan and Jacobean theatre.

Hopefully 2021 will be the year I read a bit more science.

11. The worst book hangover you’ve ever had

Augh... I remember two in recent years. Let me see... in 2017 I finished the last book in the Realm of the Elderlings. I had read the first book in the series around maybe the mid 2000s. I devoured it in a single weekend, still hungry for more of the story. I did not have access to the rest of the trilogy for a couple of years after, but as soon as I got them I read them as fast as I could. I remember reading those books during class, pretending to pay attention to a lecture on Linguistics but actually fully engrossed in Robin Hobb’s world.

It’s a world that was with me for more than 10 years. Characters that I knew intimately from multiple re-readings for more than 10 years. My dissertationg is about the first trilogy for crying out loud! I hadn’t wanted to read the last trilogy and the last book on the trilogy because I didn’t want that connection to end. But finally I gave in...

It was a book hangover because I was reading late at night when I realized, halfway through the book, a character I loved deeply was probably going to die and I just HAD to know, I HAD to be sure. So I read through the night going from disbelief to anger, to grief, to grim acceptance. I wasn’t able to put down the book until 11 am the next day, by which point I was openly sobbing and would have thrown the book across the room except I think I was reading in my computer.

The second book hangover I remember was less because of sprinting through the book and more because of the circumstances. Last December I had decided to finish as many books I could in hopes of reaching my Good Reads goal (which I didn’’t) and I was going through His Dark Materials pretty quickly when on the 25th I got the news that my grandmother died. I wasn’t able to go see her at the hospital or at a funeral, or even go see my dad and uncles because she had died of covid-19 and the situation was still pretty dire in the city.

Then Philip Pullman decided to be an absolute asshole to me and the characters in his book arrived to the Land of the Dead. Being an atheist fantasy series and me having just recently come to terms with the fact that I’m not even agnostic... it was very tough to go through Pullman’s exploration of mortality and the importance of life on Earth. I agreed completely that materiality and the here-and-now far outweigh any contemplations of an afterlife... but my grandmother had died very suddenly.... she had still been a pretty strong old lady before she contracted covid... I had spoken to her a couple of days before and she was still strong enough to bitch about litter getting inside her room...

I finished The Amber Spyglass in a rush as well and somehow it got mixed with my mourning process and my anger at myself for having taken my grandmother’s life for granted... for not having cherished the materiality of her existence when I had the chance... I hadn’t finished writing my dissertation’s first draft yet and there were some heavy issues going on in my household.... I was exhausted from having to survive the year and I think I still am... and it all mixed up with the bittersweet ending of Pullman��s His Dark Materials and the inevitability of loss... all I remember from between the 25th and the 31st of December 2020 was exhaustedly reheating Christmas food, trying to write, and slogging through The Amber Spyglass... it feels like it was a week-long literary hangover...

14. The book that, in hindsight, really should have clued you in to the fact that you’re _________ (queer/in love/doomed to be an academic/etc)

So this is slightly NSFW but I should have known, and stopped being such a snob about it, that I had WAY MORE in common with the furries than I cared to admit given that my first impression of Smaug the Golden when reading The Hobbit at the tender age of 8 was “wow! he’s dreamy!” *facepalm *(also betraying a worrying tendency to crushing on irredeemable assholes and other miscellaneous villains...) I have accepted my status as a weird monsterfucker AND a weird alienfucker. Inhuman anatomy makes me hot, and I should have known it from DAY ONE!

23. The book you expected to hate, didn’t, and then got angry about not hating

The Hunger Games, which I’m STILL salty about and will probably remain salty about for the rest of my life.

I hateread it because a friend told me about how he hated it, given his bitter ex loved it and though I agree with all his criticisms and have a bunch of my own... I still cannot stop finding stupid Katniss profoundly likeable! CURSES! A pox upon your house Suzanne Collins! I still think your dystopia is a cowardly, white-lady-who-has-never-feared-state-violence dystopia, I still think your love triangle was absolutely unnecessary and I still think you tried to cop out of admitting you (and your character) like pretty dresses by making the pretty dresses compulsory. Be brave! Don’t give me this “I’m not like other girls” bullshit! Be brave! Make your violent spectacle reality show as a criticism of the USA’s consumerism and callousness a voluntary thing! Don’t wash your heroine’s hands clean of the sin of wanting fame and fortune and survival at all costs!

But... fuck... I... still like Katniss... I’m glad little girls in 2008 got a heroine who kicked ass, looked good and wasn’t a perfectly strong and powerful person all the time. I’m glad they got competence and vulnerability... Fuck my life...

31. Bonus question: rec me something!

This is hard... since I get the feeling we have very different tastes in reading material but... If you haven’t heard of the Vampire: The Masquerade roleplaying game (or even if you have) take a crack at the Baali Clanbook. Even if you don’t understand the game mechanics I think you’ll enjoy the history portion because it’s about a clan of devil-worshipping vampires who do their devil worshipping through implanting evil insects on people... and I suspect it might be up your alley...

#book meme #doorsclosingslowly

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douxreviews · 6 years ago

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American Gods - ‘The Greatest Story Ever Told’ Review

"Peace is a beautiful, but sh*tty idea."

A series whose intrinsic premise revolves around new gods forming around things that Americans actually worship finally gets around to the most obvious example. Hello there, Money.

Also, Mr. Nancy brings all the real.

Let's just get this out of the way up front, because otherwise the rest of the review is just going to be me marking time until I can bring it up.

Every single word of Mr. Nancy's monologue is amazingly written, outstandingly performed, and should be played on repeat in every single social studies and civics class in the United States until the country as a whole finally decides to do something about fixing things. I can't imagine that it won't be available to view on its own on YouTube within the next 24-48 hours, and when it does you should absolutely go watch it. Over the course of a few uninterrupted minutes, Orlando Jones lays out slavery, human trafficking, the alt-right, systemic violence and institutionalized failure, the school to prison pipeline, knee taking and the NFL, and more. It's angry, and it's powerful, and I expect high school speech competition judges will get tired of hearing it in a few years.

I've been a little focused this season on noting the things from season one that we lost with the transitions behind the scenes, but I've neglected to mention one thing that the new season has really improved. That's the interactions between the Gods themselves. In the first season, that interaction was almost exclusively limited to Wednesday and whichever old god he happened to be making his sales pitch to that week. We saw Czernobog and the three sisters in their home life together, but they were already from the same belief system and closely intertwined. This season we're starting to see how the other gods relate to one another just on a day to day basis, and it's really been great.

Which is how we get to Mr. Nancy's speech, and its context gives it its real edge. Mr. Nancy, Bilquis, and Mr. Ibis have gathered at the Ibis and Jaquel funeral parlor, and have a good, solid talk about race. This is in itself amazing, as television has a pronounced tendency to avoid a real and messy talk about race. We have three African gods, all played by actors of color, two of which seem to have made the choice to let things in America continue as they are, only to have the third one essentially sit them down and say, 'Here is what is happening, what has always been happening, to the descendants of your worshipers. How can you possibly be all right with this? How can you look the other way? How can you let this happen?' That's just not something you see on television. And I could not look away.

Meanwhile, in the A plot, Wednesday and Shadow head out to track down yet another new American God in order to persuade them to join Wednesday's side in the war. This time they're trying to track down 'Money.' Unfortunately, his trio of security girl scouts won't give them access, because Shadow has never had a line of credit, and Money hates that. Yes, you read that correctly. Security Girl Scouts. OK, technically 'Penny Scouts,' so as to avoid getting sued by the Girl Scouts of America. They are selling candy named 'Payback,' because not all of the metaphors in this show are subtle.

And on the other team's bench, Mr. World sends Technical Boy to find a replacement for the recently murdered Argus. TB goes to Silicon Valley to find someone who isn't named by the show, but is the head of a company called Xie Comm, so one assumes his name is Xie. This same CEO is the boy we saw in the opening sequence, playing video games and practicing Bach, until he realizes the link between music and math, programs software to write new Bach-like music, and apparently brings Technical Boy into being to play electronic classical music at his father's funeral. It's actually a really well structured and meticulously pieced together dissertation on the interrelationship between faith, love, music, and numbers, and it works all the better for throwing us into it without giving us any context or information whatsoever. I'm not always a fan of the cold open on this show, but this was really well done.

Technical Boy refers to this man whose name we have to assume is Xie as his friend. What's more, he refers to himself as being Xie's only friend, and we're given no reason to doubt that statement. Which makes it all the more heartbreaking when World shows up, uses New Media to steal Possibly-Xie's attention, and then leaves Technical Boy to die.

Oh, yeah. Technical Boy dies.

I did not see that coming. But we did have an extended discussion with New Media earlier about whether old Media had died or just been reformed, so maybe that was foreshadowing for New Technology. I hope not though, because Bruce Langley was fantastic in a part designed to be unlikable, and it would take away from his shock death if they just brought him back again. "I was literally your only friend..." he says to Possibly-Xie. But it seems much more likely that what is breaking his heart is that the reverse was also true. Goodbye Technical Boy. I spent a lot of time hating you, and then you made me cry for you, and then you died. RIP. Unless of course I read the situation wrong and he isn't dead. Then I'll feel foolish for writing this paragraph.

So, having 'retired a god' in Technical Boy, World gets past the sinister Girl Penny Scouts, and he and Wednesday both sit down in front of Money, or 'The Bookkeeper' as he's credited, to make their sales pitch. Money gives a hard pass to both of them and leaves. Neither Wednesday or World seem that miffed about it, so it was probably more about preventing him from joining the opposition than getting him to join the team.

Quotes:

The Father: "This is Grief. And yet, the rising notes of joy shattering his own rules. Can you hear it?"

Ibis: "Like any formative life experience, death changes you."

Bilquis: "A woman’s heart should never be so hidden in God that she cannot hear her own truth."

New Media: "I wonder if the next version of me will feel me inside of her."

Mama-Ji: "You think America was eager to hand over her moneybags to the hungry, the tired, and the poor? We battle for every goddamn scrap."

New Media via a sign on a wall: "You’re only as good as your last win." Technical Boy: "Eat a giant bag of dicks."

Bilquis: "This country has not been kind to my face." Ibis: "You are as perfect and vibrant as the Euphrates."

Nancy: "Y’all done yet? ‘Cause I’m getting bored watching this bullshit."

Bilquis: "Suffering is not sacred."

Bilquis: "This country has done things to us." Nancy: "We have done things to us."

Wednesday: "I’m gonna win this one. People like me more than they like you." World: "I prefer to be feared."

Bits and Pieces:

-- A note for the pedantic. Yes, technically Bilquis is from Persia, and as such is not technically an African God. However, Ibis greets her as his queen, and he's clearly from Egypt, and Nancy refers to all three of them as African Gods, so I'm going with that read. Besides, our understanding of the Persian Empires geography is far from clear.

-- Is it strange that Jacuel/Anubis wasn't anywhere to be found for the discussion of African God's obligation to fight racial injustice?

-- It's strongly implied that Wednesday was instrumental in getting Bast to have sex with Shadow in his dreams, possibly fulfilling his promise that Shadow would wake up feeling great. That felt gross and robbed Bast of her own agency, which is particularly egregious in her case.

-- On that note, this is a rare case where without reading the book it would have been very difficult to know what the Hell was going on during the sex scene. They sort of half-explain it afterwards, but I don't think I would have understood it at all.

-- The direction of the sex scene was telling. In season one it would have been far more graphic, laying everything on screen in a non-exploitative and almost clinical way. See, for example, Salim and Ifrit's sex scene in 'Head Full of Snow.' Here it's directed much more conventionally, right down to Shadow having the sheet discretely draped over his personal business afterwards.

-- I wish they hadn't leaned so heavily into the Asian father who makes his son practice music thing, but it was really the only way to tell the story of how music and math intersected in the boy's life to create Technical Boy, or at least his friendship with Technical Boy. It's just kind of a tired trope.

-- Speaking of, and just for the record; music and math are incredibly connected. In many important ways they're the exact same thing. A software program that can be taught to understand and recreate Bach isn't unfeasible by any stretch of the imagination. It probably already exists, I haven't googled it.

-- It's a little messy, structurally, that Wednesday got Shadow to the funeral home only to take him away on a day trip right away so that Bilquis could stop by and have an important conversation. That feels like a vestigial remnant from the book, i.e he goes from the train to Cairo there, so that's what he does here.

-- No Laura or Sweeney this week. Looks like they're back next week.

-- It also appears that next week we'll see more of Bilquis' new friend Ruby Goodchild. I liked Ruby a lot. She felt like a real person.

-- The actor playing Money was William Sanderson. You might know him from literally every movie and television show ever made.

A really great episode that leaned into the new regime's strengths as opposed to leaning away from the previous ones'.

Three and a half out of four Emmys for Orlando Jones. Please, can we get an Emmy for Orlando Jones?

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

#American Gods #Shadow Moon #Mr Wednesday #Mr Nancy #Mr World #Tech Boy #Bilquis #American Gods Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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whateverisbeautiful · 6 years ago

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Reveling in Richonne

120: The Staying (8x14)

Y’all this was the episode that had me most excited to return to these revelings and I know y’all know why lol. 😋 So this is legit me walking into these 8x14 posts rn...

There’s a very special scene to celebrate and break down in this episode and I can’t wait, but before that, there’s definitely some notable moments beforehand to talk about too.

And this first one is the really beautiful scene we get with Rick and Michonne and the letters. 🙌🏾

And y’all my extra self of course wrote a dissertation on this one scene cuz there’s so much to analyze. 🙈😂 This moment between them is that meaningful and layered, so you know we gotta break it all the way down.

So the scene starts with Michonne getting emotional as she stands alone in the room and reads Carl’s letter. And y’all, it breaks my whole heart. 😭

But there is something heartwarming about it too cuz Michonne so clearly wants to honor Carl’s memory and hold on to the last little piece of her best friend she has left through this letter.

As sad as it makes her, she continues to turn to his words and connect to Carl in this way, which I’m glad cuz the last thing they should do is suppress Carl and his memory.

Also this moment made me even more annoyed with Enid because her trifling self was all up in Michonne’s face about Carl dying, and at that time Michonne had to be composed and cordial even tho you know it hurt to hear that. And so here in 8x14 we see that in the quiet of her room she’s now able to let all the pain of the loss fully hit her.

And it’s a big deal that she’s letting herself grieve and let out this emotion cuz there was a time when the old Michonne would have likely suppressed and shut down after a loss like this.

But luckily her best friend knew just what to say to keep that from happening, cuz Carl deliberately advised her to not carry this part. So I really feel like she’s been able to find this balance since losing him, of addressing the loss without carrying the loss in an unhealthy way. 👌🏽

So then Rick walks in and sees Michonne. They make eye contact but he looks away cuz again at this point he’s shielding himself from anything that could heal him.

Rick sees her holding the letter and you can see the anxiety he feels cuz this is something he’s been running from and he’s clearly dreading having to face his own letter.

Michonne doesn’t say anything and I feel like to see her in this vulnerable spot is a wake up call for Rick to see just how much she’s hurting since she lost Carl too. He knew they were both in pain but I think to visibly see her emotional like this, whereas most every other time post-Carl the focus has been on her reaching out for him and letting him be the emotional one, helps Rick to understand just how much she’s in need of comforting too.

And I think Rick knows that even in this time of grief for him, the responsibility he still has is to be there for Michonne because she’s been by his side every step of the way in all of this.

So as much as Rick might feel the temptation to just run from this, what I love is that we get to see him decide that Michonne is more worth it than his own fears.

Despite the pain and suppression he feels, he still musters the strength to comfort her and acknowledge her pain. And he does this through going to her and doing the immensely intimate act of gently wiping her tears. Cuz soul mates. 😊🙌🏾

Y’all this is legit too beautiful. 😭 I love that this really highlights how close they’ve become to do something so personal like this.

Like this just feel so natural for both of them and it really is evident that there’s something out of this world that connects them, cuz finally having this form of contact seems to just give both of them a real sense of relief and comfort. Being together like this is the way they’re meant to be.

Rick might not have the words yet to really speak with her but that’s not going to stop him from trying to offer comfort through his actions.👌🏽 And seeing him finally be at a point of acknowledging her pain and consoling her had me like...

It’s so nice to see Rick finally look at her fully and you can just feel the deep love he has for her as he looks at her. She truly is something special to him, y’all. ☺️

It’s also significant that his act of comfort is wiping away the tears cuz I think it symbolizes both his care and also his desire to just wipe away the pain for both of them if only it were that simple. R&M are both people who always want to be useful so he wants so badly to take this pain away for her.

This act is even more precious when I think about the fact that this is Rick Grimes, who to most people is the baddest of the bunch and nothing to play with, but with Michonne he’s so loving and tender.

And he has shown throughout the seasons that Michonne being happy is a priority to him, so you know it breaks him to see her like this.

This moment really solidifies how they love each other more than their own feelings and he’s pushing past what he feels in order to be there for her cuz he not only sees her hurting but he feels it too cuz they’re so interconnected.

So as they look into each other’s eyes and have this long awaited moment of connecting it’s really sweet that Michonne asks Rick if he wants to read the letter Carl gave her.

It’s deep cuz it shows that in this relationship what’s hers is his and what’s his is hers, so of course she’s open to share. And allowing Rick to read the letter Carl wrote to her would give Rick one more piece of Carl to take in. Cuz once they read those letters it’ll be the last new thing they have from him. 😢

I love that she poses it as a question because she’s giving him the choice. And I also appreciate that she offers cuz she knows that he could find comfort in it even if he doesn’t see it like that just yet.

(Side note: I hope this show knows it’s important we eventually hear what was in Michonne’s letter. I so badly want to know what he would’ve wrote her cuz I bet it’d be precious. And I also am really hoping there could be some mention of how she became his mom. That’s part of why I was fine with the best friends thing cuz I was like the mom mention better be in the letter. So when it comes to showing us her letter, TWD...

But like I said, these letters weigh heavy on Rick so this triggers him to push away again. The fear of the letters initially is trumping his need to be with her and this stands out cuz usually nothing trumps his need to be with her.

What’s cool is that even though he’s not ready to face the letters yet and he’s essentially saying no, he’s still holding her hand and connected with her. So it’s not a rejection of her or even her offer, it’s more so him being real that he feels he can’t read these letters yet.

I love that there’s almost this dance done as he slowly backs away and she moves closer to him. It legit feels magnetic. 💯

So Rick starts to physically pull away and he goes over to the closet. And that’s how you know this isn’t a healthy Rick cuz for a moment his fear overpowered her presence and led him to pull away, which never happens with a healthy Rick who would have easily stayed in that moment with her for a long time.

When Rick walks to the closet you can see him having a moment of feeling off and dazed and I really think part of this is because he knows he shouldn’t be pushing away from her. He knows walking away from her doesn’t feel right cuz y’all that’s not how magnets are designed. But again, the unstable Rick is drowning out his true self.

(Side note: I love knowing that the two of them picked a room to make their own together at Hilltop. ☺️)

Rick grabs the murder coat and that coat is a clear indicator that whatever Rick’s about to do is not going to be some kumbaya activity. 😂

Michonne turns and sees him and she immediately knows that he’s going out there (probably to do something wildin), and Rick gives his explanation about how they need food so he’s going to get some. He tries to say it casually but he can’t completely look at her here cuz he knows he’s not being honest with the one person he’s meant to be honest with.

It’s deep that throughout this moment Michonne is able to stay looking at Rick, even despite the fact that he is a constant reminder of Carl for her too. And Rick knows he needs to look at her and speak with her cuz she’s the cure and the one person who can reach him but again, he doesn’t feel he deserves that right now.

It reminds me of how he told her in Season 5 that she could’ve talked him out of their whole secret gun thing. Rick knows that if he’s around Michonne long enough she can talk him out of this wrathful self-sabotage state he seems to be in, so in an act of further self sabotage he’s pushing away.

After hearing Rick’s reasoning for going out, Michonne doesn’t address that, but instead she gets to the heart of the issue and asks Rick, “What did he write you.”

Again, I love that she is unafraid to deal with the real stuff with her man as tough as it is. Addressing the root will help him and all she wants is to help him through even if it’s doing hard things like having hard conversations.

So Michonne gets straight to the deeper issue cuz she knows they’ve built a mature relationship where they let it out and talk about everything with vulnerable honest communication. 💯

(Side note: Another reason these other characters need to put some respek on Michonne’s name is cuz she is the one to save their leader and pull him out of the darkness so many times. It’s a big responsibility that she does effortlessly and continuously and the whole community is better off because of it. So these characters have to realize there isn’t exactly a healthy leader Rick if not for Michonne being the one to lift him up. 💯)

Rick admits he doesn’t know what Carl wrote him cuz he can’t bring himself to read it and while he’s trying to run from this subject, I think you can also see the real Rick trying to come through and be vulnerable here too.

And I love that Michonne stops him and says “Wait.” There’s something about her saying wait that feels so loving cuz it’s not demanding, it’s more like she’s saying I know you’re about to walk out and away from this and from me and it’s urging him to give them this moment to not run but finally talk. She knows walking away and leaving this room can be damaging so she needs him to wait and hear her out.

When she says wait Rick does finally stop and face her and they’re standing closer now cuz magnets. He says he can’t with more vulnerability in his voice and you can see how fragile he feels.

And then She tells him “You have to.” In a way that feels completely like she’s speaking from experience.

As always it’s not demanding or pushy, it’s coming from a place of knowing the longer he puts this off the harder the journey will be and the more his mental state will deteriorate, and she’s determined to keep that from happening to him.

They both have an immensely strong desire to protect each other and that’s why she stresses that he has to, because she wants to protect him from the dark places she went to when she experienced this kind of loss.

You can hear the plea in her voice because she knows it’s important and she wants him to me be okay. Like since season four they’ve established their you’re okay/I’m okay connection. And they’re both not okay right now so they have to go on this healing path together in order for both of them to ever truly heal individually, cuz they’re just one like that. Grieving together will help them get better. 👌🏽

Michonne then says “I did it too. When it happened to me.” And cue my internal and eternal tears. 😭

I’m so here for the fact that Michonne brings up losing her first son, cuz I thought surely this would have to be brought up between her and Rick in this new arc of losing Carl. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time since season 4 that Michonne gets to reference her son.

I would’ve loved if they let her expand on it even more in their conversation but I am glad that this at least implies that Michonne having a son isn’t news to Rick. He seems to know all about her son cuz he definitely should by this point in their relationship. (It would’ve been great to see that initial conversation when she first told him tho.)

I adore that she levels with him through vulnerability and opens up about something personal. It’s their consistent thing, and it really is one of my favorite aspects of their relationship. 🙌🏾

Once she starts talking about this, Rick finally looks at her and then of course it’s like he can’t stop. We see him be entranced yet again and it finally seems like he’s letting himself hear and see her which is the way it’s meant to be.

His look just makes it so clear that she makes so much sense to him, not just what she says, but who she is.

Like I said, all versions of Rick love Michonne so even this deflecting and vulnerable Rick can’t help but look at her like she’s his light.

And I feel like he understands she’s giving him another piece of her heart in this moment too. This has to resonate with Rick and help him to just fully grasp that his woman can help him through this, both cuz she lost Carl but also cuz she’s gone through losing a son in her past as well.

This can almost provide a sense of hope for Rick too in knowing that someone he loves has gone through this and came out on the other side. It was a reminder that he can get better and that she really does get this cuz she’s lost a son twice now.

And it really is so meaningful that she’s willing to bring up something so deep cuz it’s such a tough and emotional topic already, but then add to it that losing Carl has probably caused all those past feelings to resurface it’s probably heavier than ever for her, but she is willing to address her personal wound if it means helping her man. She loves him, y’all. 😊👌🏽

And as usual, Sis always knows what to say to communicate with him because when she says “You keep moving to move away from it.” it’s spot on.👏🏽👏🏽

Like it’s such a true statement cuz it’s what Michonne did when she was first introduced and it also perfectly encapsulates what Rick is doing right now.

The thing is when you move from the pain and don’t address it, that pain will follow you around more than a Morgan Hallucination. And Michonne knows that until you address it, it’ll haunt you.

I think this line of moving to move away from it also speaks to why Michonne’s been able to be so patient and compassionate with Rick during this time. Cuz she knows he’s not trying to move away from her but rather the pain.

And the way Rick looks at her here, I really feel like his heart breaks not just for him but for her and knowing she’s had to go through this twice and also that his state of mind isn’t allowing him to be there for her the way he knows he should be and wants to be.

I’m glad that Rick becomes more present with her upon hearing this. He can’t help but be. I’m telling you if she’s in front of him for longer than a second, he can’t help but be locked into her (that’s why it seems like there’s a lot of energy exerted when he pushes away cuz it’s just not natural for them).

She then she tells Rick, “Andrea stopped me” And it’s always nice to hear characters recall past characters (even if Andrea irked me to no end lol)

Hearing Michonne bring up Andrea reminded me of the one good thing Andrea did which is helped Michonne to stay in one place and care about someone again. And that led Michonne to find her Grimes 2.0 family and fall in love with the man in front of her, so if Michonne credits Andrea for that then I guess I gotta say thanks Andrea. (just for that one thing tho 😂)

I really love that Michonne then tells Rick, “And now I’m stopping you.” It shows that she knows she can and does play that big of a role in his life.

And she’s willing to stop him while he doesn’t have the clarity to stop himself yet. And it’s admirable cuz that’s something everyone needs from time to time. She’s his North Star that’s capable of both guiding him where to go and also when to stop 👌🏽

In saying that she’s stopping him it’s her saying; I see you’re losing it and I know what that’s like, so I need to stop you before you head off and push this further down and make this harder to come back from.

Honestly, Michonne for president of this TWD universe cuz she really does have the most wisdom and balance. 👸🏾🙌🏾

She knows how to lay down the law in the most loving and compassionate way possible and she’s selfless and puts others first which is something so few characters do on this show lately.

She then reminds Rick of something very important when she tells him, “Carl wrote that because he wanted you to read it”😭

It seems straightforward enough that he wrote it to be read, but this is actually really significant because it’s shifting the perspective for Rick. He hasn’t been able to read the letter for himself but this is showing him if he can’t read the letter for himself, then he should read it for Carl. She’s helping him to see that this is how they honor and respect him and let him live on.

Michonne passionately tells him, “It’s one of the last things he ever did.” 😭😭😭

It’s heartbreaking and true. Carl had a few precious hours left of his life and he used that time to write these letters so clearly it was super important to him. So they can’t shut it out cuz they can’t let Carl’s last day and decisions be in vain.

I love that Michonne fought for Carl as he lived and we’re seeing that even now as he’s no longer with them, she’s still fighting for him and making sure his voice is heard.

And Michonne looks at Rick with such a loving intensity because this is not big bad Rick to her, this is a man who needs his rock and she is 100% his rock.

Idk what was in Michonne’s letter (but I better know eventually, I’m just saying lol) but whatever it is, she clearly feels Carl’s spirit with her and is deriving a lot of strength from him.

It makes me feel like Carl might’ve expressed to her in the letter how crucial she is to helping, not just Rick, but everyone see the light. 💯 And it’s giving her motivation amongst her pain. 😌

Rick’s teary eyed face as he lets those words hit him, just really hits my heart because he’s letting it sink in. 😭 Only she could get him to let that sink in. And he looks at her cuz, as much as it hurts, he sees that she’s right.

And in all the pain, it seems there’s this moment of clarity where he realizes not just that Carl’s really gone, but that Carl still has one more thing for him and he knows it’s going to require a lot of strength for him to receive it, especially cuz it’ll be the last thing he ever hears from his son. 😢

You can tell, even before they cut to it, that as Michonne is talking to him she’s holding his hand. And I love this closeness between them. 😊

She knows how immensely hard this is for him so while she’s rightfully challenging him to not run from the crucial healing process, she’s also connecting with him and taking his hand and communicating that he doesn’t have to do this alone. She’s suggesting this for his own good and to ease the pain, not increase the pain. 👌🏽

Another thing I love about this scene is that not once does it feel like the two are annoyed or frustrated with each other. They’re in different head spaces but there is still this love and respect and passion that’s so evident between them. 🙏🏽

So then you already know that I love that she tells Rick, “You’re staying.” Wifey vibes all day. 😋🙌🏾

And y’all, that wasn’t a request or a suggestion. That was a point blank period statement. And I’m here for it cuz it really does feel like a husband and wife moment.

In saying that he’s staying, she’s essentially telling him…

And I just gotta reiterate how again, it’s not said demanding or controlling but in a way that’s genuinely loving and sincere. Rick doesn’t know what’s best for him right now, but his other half does so she makes the call cuz Sis is his leader.

She knows he needs this and she knows she’s his wife so she can tell him he’s staying here, and (at least for a little bit) he’ll listen.

I really appreciate that this is all done out of love and this show could actually use more characters stepping in like she did and making the final call for others when they’re unhinged and at risk to themselves and others.

I love that the next wider shot is her gently holding his arm and taking the murder coat. Symbolism on ten. She’s taking the killer crazy in him and telling him to let that go to embrace the healthier approach of coping rather than killing. 💯

And sure enough, Homeboy lets her take the coat. ☺️He knows she’s right about this, it’s just a matter of being ready to embrace it.

The way Rick stays looking down and just doesn’t even know how to regroup is so telling of how understandably disoriented he is inside. And it’s clear there’s this internal conflict within him of acting on impulse or doing what’s right and following his woman’s lead.

So then Michonne walks out of the room and I was like Sis please stay cuz I think Homeboy needs some supervision right now lol. 😂 (and it ended up being quite true that he did 👀)

But I appreciate that she looks at him one last time before leaving and her look conveys that she knows this part of the healing process is going to hurt but it’s necessary and he’ll be better because of it.

When she walks out, you can see Rick really start to feel everything and you can tell he just doesn’t want to cry anymore. So far every time we’ve seen him allow himself to come to grips with the loss for even a second it visibly breaks him (and it also emotionally breaks me might I add.)

So he has this emotional moment of breaking down for a split second and then taking a deep breath and going to the drawer and he takes the letter addressed to him. And can I tell y’all how deep this is even tho I know you already know? 😋

It is so deep that he’s able to do this cuz we’re literally seeing him attempt to do the hardest thing in the world for him...because Michonne wants him to. That’s love. 💛

Like y’all Homeboy has been putting his letter off for a minute and it’s been weighing on him, but now that Michonne’s had a heart to heart with him and let the message of honoring Carl’s last wish seep in, it’s given him at least enough strength to open the drawer and hold the letter and consider it and that’s a big deal.

Her words and getting him to focus back on Carl was enough to help him at least muster up the strength to hold the letter.

So as much as he wants to push this away, he can’t because she’s told him what she would want from him and you know he can’t resist giving her what she wants cuz soul mates.

Michonne expressed wanting him to read it so he’s going to try for her. And that’s what I really appreciate about Rick; he’s always willing to try for Michonne. Every time she’s had a heart to heart with him we’ve seen him come around to her ways because he trusts her that much. 🙌🏾

Rick acknowledged the way Michonne leads him in 7x12, and I love that he’s still letting her do that now. ☺️

This time it’s going to take a little more time tho, so he doesn’t read the letter just yet, but it won’t be long before he does in fact come around.

This whole scene was such a loud and clear “I love you” between them, and also illustrated the strength of this couple, that she can have this heart to heart with him and it resonates with him despite everything else.

So I really appreciate this scene because, once again, we got to witness how nothing can change the love and respect Richonne has for each other cuz their love is a powerful thing. 😊🙌🏾👌🏽

gif sources: michonnegrimes gekari carlschandler kendaspntwd

#richonne #richonne fandom #richonne family #michonne grimes #rick grimes #carl grimes #twd #s8 #8.14

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friendlyneighborhoodborg · 6 years ago

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Marc Appreciation Week 2019| Day 5: Blush| “An Unchanging Face”

Am I even using the prompt anymore? I wrote this to be the one chapter in which Marc DOESN’T BLUSH.

Also, this might be the longest one. I didn’t pace this very well, and I am unfortunately very wordy. If you haven’t noticed, I tend to use long words and longer sentences.

Disclaimers were on Day 1. For those of you who are confused, this is actually part of a larger story, so... I should probably get the links for that set up.

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

(Don’t ask me how the fiddle this happened it, but it’s ~3700 bloody words. I can’t pace a story to save my life.)

Marc crept silently to the back of the school. Rose was waiting there with a small case.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked her.

“Nope.” She held up a sponge and a bottle of makeup. “Let’s do this.”

He slammed the bathroom door shut behind him, hunched over the toilet, and only barely managed to keep from hurling up his guts.

It had seemed like such a good plan to Marc at first: one that seemed like it might finally resolve his confusion. Look like a girl, and go through the day looking like a girl, and soon enough he’d feel like it. Rose had been very thorough with the makeover, extending his coal-black hair to back-length, liberally applying pale foundation, colorful contour, and, most damning of all, dark blush and ruby-red lipstick.

“She” made it halfway through first period before the pressure started to blow.

“I can’t do this,” Marc mumbled in his half-crazy stupor, tugging at the… no, “her” stupor, tugging at “her” extensions in “her” hair. With an effort, he tried to shove “she” into his head, but it was no use. The “he” wouldn’t budge.

He wasn’t a girl, even though he now looked like one.

Rose was wrong. He was wrong. That’s all he was: he was just wrong, and he would never, ever be right.

He bolted out of the stall, grabbed a paper towel and stuck his face in the sink, barely wincing as the water and eyeliner stung his corneas. He attacked the face with the towels: no more lipstick, no more liner, foundation, contour, no more fucking blush! Everything remotely girly needed to get the hell off his damn face now. He scrubbed until his face had turned red, and, with a cry of rage, he ripped the extensions out of his hair.

He couldn’t tell whether the red shade on his eyes was from irritation, force, or anger, but at least they weren’t on some girl’s face. Of course, Marc couldn’t go back to class like this.

Taking a deep breath, he resolved that it was better to do what he had always done.

Ignore the pains, force them down, and keep being normal. No one needed to see his emotions.

He looked once again at himself in the mirror, his face for once devoid of makeup. But it could have been worse.

Five minutes later, once he decided he could go back, he looked at the door and saw that he had stumbled into the boy’s restroom.

Marc sat numbly through the rest of his school day. He’d limped back into first period looking like his usual dour self, and none of his classmates had commented on his earlier freak-out. Mrs. Mendeliev, thankfully showing some decency, didn’t offer punishment.

Marc refused to change his face after that. Better let everything stay inside, where he didn’t have to acknowledge it, so no one could make fun of him for crying. Because, of course, that’s the only thing his emotions would ever let him do at this point.

He could try forever and nothing would work, and he’d be doomed to sit on the fence, torn between the extremes that plagued him.

Nothing worked.

“Dude!” A voice called him out of his stupor. In his fugue state, his day had gone by so quickly that it was already lunchtime. Without noticing, he had drifted into the empty art room, and it looked like Nath’s friend Alix had followed him. “Oh, thank goodness you didn’t kill yourself, man.” It was an odd way to greet an associate, and Marc realized why she used it.

“How much did Rose tell you?”

“Enough to piss me off.” She threw her hat onto a table, grabbed his head by the sides, and surveyed the damage. “You’re not wearing makeup. I take that means it didn’t work.”

“No,” he mumbled voicelessly. “It didn’t.” ‘Nothing ever did,’ he thought, but he kept from saying this out loud, for fear that he might let something else out with it.

“Oh, that just figures,” she steamed. “You should have told us. All of us.”

“I’m sorry.” ‘But it’s not like you could do anything.’

“I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed. Not at you, I mean, you wouldn’t have known.” Alix gripped Marc’s shoulders, gnashing her teeth. “But Rose really should have known better.”

“It’s not Rose’s fault,” he defended, because it was the least he could do for her. “I’m the freak that no one knows what to do with.”

“That may be.” She stormed towards the window, gesturing outside with one hand as she pulled on her hair with the other. “But she’s the one who tries to be too helpful all the time. She won’t take no for an answer if she thinks someone needs her help. And her idea of ‘help’ is maybe a little too optimistic, so the kind she does suggest usually has a very slim chance of working. Basically, I’m sorry you ended up listening to her.”

“What’s the difference!?” he snapped. “Nothing’s ever going to work! I’m not going to fix myself! I can’t be a girl when I’m supposed to be, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to…” He stomped to the center of the room. “I can’t do anything. Look, just give up on me, and Nathaniel can find someone else to finish the comic, and they’ll do a hell of a lot better than me cause at least they won’t fall apart on the first! Fucking! Thing!!!” With that, Marc dropped to the floor in a crouch, facing away from Alix, and dipped his head under his shoulders.

Alix should have just walked away. He was a lost cause, one that didn’t want her pity, and he should’ve just been left alone. Contrary to Alix’s assessment earlier, he didn’t have any intention of killing himself quickly. He’d saved more people unnecessary grief over his sake, and still achieve the end result if he just left instead. He could leave quietly, and it would be like he was never there.

“Rose is right,” Alix said instead. “About one thing.” Marc didn’t move. “Living openly like this shouldn’t be this big damn clusterfuck, but it is, because society hasn’t caught onto the fact that we’re real yet, so we’re screwed over before we know what’s happened to us.”

He didn’t change.

“Because of that, we all find ourselves struggling to find something to smile about. And us kids especially, because now’s the point in our lives where everyone is telling us what we have to be. Sometimes just knowing what you are, and knowing that it’s something real that other people have to go through… sometimes that’s all you can do, and sometimes that’s enough.” She stamped her foot, becoming more worked up. “And she’s got this idea that it’s not something people have to hide, and that they shouldn’t hide it. She’s only right on one of those counts… But not all of us can have a life like hers. LGBT is only four letters, and they’re the only four letters most people know. And some people aren’t as forgiving.”

There was some other story behind Alix’s words. Something in it… almost stirred in Marc. Marc loved stories, usually, but he felt like this was one he shouldn’t touch.

“How many?” asked Marc suddenly, not lifting his head.

Alix waited.

“How many letters are there?”

Alix grimaced. “Too many to count. And only those four get top billing.” She crouched to his level. “Unfortunately, not everything can fit into those categories. Sometimes it’s so much harder to know what you are. But that’s how you have to start, and that’s all you need to do to start. I mean, know who you are.”

“I don’t.”

“Well…” Alix cut to the chase. “Did you ever think to check?”

“Look?” Marc’s head shot up, frustration evident in his furrowed brow. “What do you mean look?”

“You experience dysphoria, Rose told me that much. But not all the time, sometimes you identify as male, female, or something else.” She tapped the floor patiently. “At least, that’s how I heard it. Is it right? Now did you ever think to look those symptoms up?”

They sat in silence for several minutes as Alix’s question bored into Marc’s brain.

“I think I did,” he admitted. “A long while back, I thought about it. I talked myself out of it and never brought it up again. I thought someone might come and read over my shoulder, or my parents would look at my history.”

“Have they…” Alix stared incredulously. “Do your parents actually do that? Look at your history?”

He paused. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe?”

“Marc…” she sighed. “Never mind, I already looked it up anyway.” She pulled out her phone. “Genderqueer, we’re pretty sure, right? That’s what’s supposed to be covered by the ‘T’ in LGBT- for transgender.” She gestured in no particular direction. “To most people, that just means identifying with the gender opposite to yours, but the definition is actually a lot bigger.”

“How?”

“How many genders do you think there are?”

“Uhhh… two?”

“Okay,” she said, pulling him off the ground and depositing him on a beanbag chair. “Sit up, let me learn you something.” She opened her phone to a webpage. “Well, I don’t know if I’m actually qualified to give a dissertation on this, but I’ll try. Gender isn’t really black-and-white, it’s more on a spectrum. Modern science has proven this, it’s been out in the open for years.” She continued the talk, glancing down at her phone every once in a while for guidance. “Most people identify closely with the gender that corresponds to what they were assigned at birth. Some identify with the opposite gender. That’s a binary transgender.”

Making sure Marc was caught up with that, she continued. “Some people identify with something else, in between or disconnected from the ends. They might be more feminine or more masculine, they might identify as both male and female, or they might have no actual sense of their own gender. These people are ‘non-binary’ transgender, and there’s a whole bunch of other categories in that, and I don’t really have time to get through them all.”

“Wait…” Marc stopped her. “Why are you doing this? What are you even doing?”

“To put it in terms you’ll understand? You need the right word. Badly.” She put away her phone. “Let’s just say I know what that feels like.”

“You’re telling me I’m… that’s there’s actually…” At a loss for words, he only pointed at himself.

Alix nodded. “I found… well, gender’s a spectrum, and there are some people who sort of bounce around that spectrum. Their gender isn’t fixed, it changes from day to day, even over the course of the day. And they do still get dysphoria sometimes, I checked.” She paused, making sure Marc heard. “They’re called ‘gender-fluid.’”

Gender… fluid.

Gender… fluid?

The word fluid, as Marc knew it, meant gaseous or liquid. Shifting, retaining mass, but with the capacity to change in volume when referring to a gas. As a liquid, a fluid has a fixed mass and volume, but unfixed structure, filling available space in its container.

Gender… fluid.

Fluid in regards to gender. Gender changing volume and form to fit some container… himself?

That sounded so… promising.

No. It couldn’t be that simple, right? Could it be there was actually a word for his type of wrong?

“Marc?” Alix nudged him. “You okay, bud?”

Marc’s expression didn’t change. He answered as honestly as he could. “Uhhh, I don’t know.”

“I need to know, before we get our hopes up…” She looked him square in the eyes and asked, iron laced into her voice, “Does that sound right to you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated.

“Okay.” She nodded. “I guess you don’t have to. Well,” she tilted her head sympathetically. “Just keep it in mind. I mean, this is a pretty accepting, patient neighborhood. You can take as much time as you need to get comfortable.”

“Thank you.” And then he said, “What did you mean?”

“About?”

“You said I needed a right word? And you knew how that felt?” He looked at her inquisitively. “What did that mean?”

For a moment, Marc thought she was going to break something. But then, Alix’s face mellowed into something more… acquiescing.

“I wasn’t always this friendly,” she admitted. “I would go so far as to say… I was an absolute shit. Stop laughing.” He wasn’t, though he had considered it. “I was looking at everyone who had someone they called their own. I watched them stumble over themselves like they had something to prove, even to their ruin. And I couldn’t see why.” She rubbed her eyes, and for a second, some freak trick of the light must have happened, because Marc almost thought he saw tears welling up. “I don’t know why Nathaniel stuck around me. But he was pretty much the only one who kept me from physically hurting people. Cause as far as I knew, either the whole world was completely batshit crazy or I was, and that just made me angry.” Her fists clenched tight, her eyes shut. “I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. And he was that someone for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Forget about it.” She sniffed. No, he was sure this time, Alix was actually showing an emotion! “Anyway… Nate cares about you a hell of a lot, Shakespeare.” She looked at him, half-threatening and half-impressed. “He doesn’t do that lightly. He doesn’t talk, or smile, or laugh with anyone as much as he does with you and me. Like hell I’m letting one of the people he cares about go through what I did.”

Marc couldn’t believe his eyes. He wasn’t aware the skater could be this vulnerable, and yet still simultaneously command respect.

After everything Nathaniel had done for him…

After Alix had laid her heart bare after he snapped at her…

There was no choice in his mind. He couldn’t let either of them down. For some stupid reason which Marc couldn’t gather, they both cared about him.

“What do I have to do?”

“Nothing. You don’t have to do anything. Well,” she held up a finger. “No, there’s one thing.”

“What?”

“Relax.”

“Oh.” Despite the situation, Marc allowed himself to laugh a little. “That’ll be the day.”

“Heh.” She leaned forward and clapped him on the back. “You’re alright, dude.” She stopped awkwardly. “Are you a dude?”

Marc had asked himself the same question many times, if not exactly worded that way. Well if his gender did change, then it shouldn’t matter what he was before. That thought scared him, but ignoring everything else, and just looking at right now…

“Sure?” He shrugged helplessly. “I guess?”

“Cool.” Alix turned to go. “I’ll keep my mouth shut. Rest is up to you.” She snatched her hat back off the table. “Gonna need this. I’m gonna go give Rose a further piece of my mind.”

Marc had Nathaniel’s number. He had never used it to call him, only to text, but tonight…

“So…”

“Yeah,” Marc said.

“Wow,” Nathaniel agreed. “Have you told your parents?”

“I mean…” Marc glanced at his closed bedroom door. “I haven’t. You’re literally the second person I’ve told.”

“I’m honored. Are you going to?”

“I’ve thought about it.” He turned away from the door. “Maybe when I’m more sure. I mean… they know I’m not normal, but I don’t think they know how deviant I am.”

“Parents don’t understand half the stuff their kids can.” Nathaniel laughed over the line. “Imagine how mine felt, raising someone with Asperger’s.”

“What?” Marc hadn’t expected that.

“Yep. I mean, you told me your major malfunction, I might as well tell you mine.”

Oh.

Oh wow.

“I’m likewise privileged.”

Nathaniel laughed heartily. “Thanks. I don’t really tell people, but sometimes I get the feeling I’m obvious about it.”

Marc could relate. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t realized my giant crush on you yet.’

Aloud, he decided to grill him for details. “So, you have Asperger’s? What does that actually mean?”

“Well, it’s… it’s difficult for me to express my emotions and interpret others. But it’s pretty different for everyone.” Marc heard Nathaniel gulp. “Basically, I’m… I’m in my own head a lot of the time, and it’s difficult for me to sort of see and interact beyond that. Especially with people. I’m not very good with people. Communicating. The works.”

“Okay. Out of curiosity, does the art factor into that?”

“Started out as a therapy exercise,” he admitted. “Then I just started doing it. I use it to organize my thoughts, illustrate my emotions, and… well, some of it is escapism, probably, let’s face it.”

Once again, Marc could relate.

“I mean, my folks are pretty much used to my crazy. So, like, if your parents kick you out, I don’t think mine would be opposed to harboring a fugitive.”

“See?” Marc assured. “You can be clever.”

“Sometimes.” He could almost hear the smile. “We’re both deviants.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if all this anxiety’s good for my health. Maybe I’ll try taking Alix’s advice, see if that works.”

“Smart. She’s good at advice. It’ll be good to see you relax. And… I wouldn’t mind if you decided to be yourself more.”

“Whatever I am, it’s genderqueer, which is apparently a much bigger category than I thought it was.”

“So, if your gender changes, what are you now?”

“Well right now I’m…” Marc trailed off. Something about that sentence was going to end weirdly for him. “That’s weird. I was… a boy earlier, but now I feel…” He paused. “Kinda girly, I guess? I mean… huh.”

“Huh,” Nath agreed.

He gripped onto the phone. “Yeah,” he said, steeling his breath.

Was he?

Was “he” steeling “his” breath?

He had to try… Marc closed his eyes and thought one forbidden word.

‘She.’

It fit.

It felt amazing.

She… she lowered the phone from her (her!) ear.

She laughed. She giggled, even.

She had tried referring to herself with other pronouns before, but she had always concluded that, since she always eventually defaulted to male, that calling herself something different wasn’t the issue. It occurred to her that she may have been right all along, only in the wrong way. Pronouns were the issue, but not in the permanent sense, like she had considered to be the only option.

She smiled. Her smile. Her. Damn face.

She spared a glance in the mirror, but she was disappointed to see him again. Though, as she scrutinized her reflection, she saw something she had never seen: a light of sorts, seeming to come from her eyes, reflecting the overhead bulbs. It struck her that her eyes had never seemed this deep before. There was something completely new in her gaze, and even her expression and stature, and she realized immediately what it was.

Life.

And this life emboldened the green in her irises, the darkness of her eyelashes, the pink of her lips and the warm blush of her cheeks.

It was still his face. But, it was hers, too, dammit.

“Marc, you okay?”

She nearly dropped the phone. She had completely forgotten Nath was still there. Marc, he’d called her. She’d have to fix that. She might want a gender-neutral name.

She stopped. ‘No,’ she mused, ‘one thing at a time.’

“Yeah,” she said in her scratchy, pubescent, tenor voice. She also made a note to practice with that some more.

“You went kinda silent there. You sure?”

“I’m fine.” She gulped. “Never better.”

And by Golly, she meant it.

“Damn.”

“What?”

“Something’s right.”

Nathaniel stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He should have gone to sleep a while ago, but that had never stopped him before.

He thought of Marc as he had always known Marc- as a boy. Easy enough: short black hair done up in the back, the red hoodie he always wore hung over his shoulders, pale skin that blushed easily. And he couldn’t forget the eyes. Two eyes that were forest green. Sharp, crisp eyes, to match the sharp mind behind them. Sharp, spry, creative, like a colorful… sword. The metaphor got away from him.

The eyes were the first thing that caught his attention, the first physical detail about Marc that he had truly noticed.

Alright, it was easy to see him as a boy, but what if he was a girl? His – sorry, her – black hair… well, it wouldn’t change much. Doing hair up in the back is a common girl thing, right? And the green eyes and blush wouldn’t change either. Now that he thought about it, Marc herself wouldn’t change. Well, she might be less depressed, maybe a bit more open about her emotions once she saw how she’d be accepted by everyone else. Maybe she’d be even quicker with her amazing words, if that was even possible. But those were really just boons, weren’t they? He couldn’t see any way that Marc being a girl would pose a problem to their friendship. And he could see Marc as a girl pretty easily, with her short stature and tendency to wear makeup. He envisioned her wearing something girly. Probably not a skirt. Would she wear her hoodie lower down her arms? Maybe do her makeup a little more? Even if it was only in front of him, he’d be happy to know she was feeling free.

In his vision, she was smiling, and he liked it when Marc smiled.

Well, what about something neither boy nor girl? Marc’s physical features shifted again in his mind, again only changing in how the writer carried themselves. Still brilliant, still humble, still Marc. Maybe just a little makeup, to smooth the edge off their masculinity. Sunglasses? No, they’d never wear sunglasses under any circumstances. A hat, maybe. What was Marc without their gender anyway? Same black hair, green eyes, rosy blush. Same demure attitude, same affectionate smile, same incredible creativity. Why did Marc need a defined, certain gender when they had so much else in addition?

He continued to lay on his bed, processing this. Then, as he reached the conclusion, he started to blush.

“God… damnit,” Nathaniel muttered, covering his face. “They’re still hot.”

Well, Marc didn’t blush. I didn’t say anyone else wouldn’t. And I did have the OTHER kind of blush at the beginning so...

Yeah. I’m just gonna pretend this makes sense. You hear me, @seasonofthegeek? This still counts!

Comments are always appreciated. This one was really fun to write, as you can tell from my unnecessarily long word count. I swear, I don’t usually go this long.

But hey, I think I made something pretty cool here. Anyway, I’m gonna post this before it’s past the deadline, so... bye for now, I guess.

#fanfic #Marc Appreciation Week #marc anciel #nathaniel kurtzberg #rose lavillant #for one very short scene #alix kubdel #for a much larger scene #miraculous ladybug

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shirasade · 6 years ago

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Italian Institute Con 2: Saturday, part 2

First of all, once again three things: 1) These are my memories, not a dissertation or journalistic work, and will be focusing on Matt & Dom (with guest appearances from the rest of the cast *g*). 2) No hate. Y’all know my ship, and if I get grief about my “bias” this will be my last public report. 3) My phone camera is crap. Look elsewhere for good pictures. :)

After Dom’s panel there was a break, and then it was time for the moment our group had been waiting for the most - the parabatai panel! It started with Dom sitting away from Matt and the translator, and Matt was like “Why are you so far away?” To which Dom replied, “I thought you’d sit next to me!”

Then he moved over so he was next to Matt, and Matt pulled him against his shoulder (careful not to jostle his injured arm), to the collective cooing of the room. They touched each other a lot throughout the panel, and Dom more than once called Matt “babe” - so yeah, we were in Sherdario heaven! :)

The first question was “two truths and one lie”, a game that Dom seemingly hadn’t heard of before.

Dom: “Matt snores!”

Matt: “Dom cries in his sleep.” (To which Dom said “You said you wouldn’t tell!” and that it only happened twice.)

Dom: “Matt has stinky feet.”

Matt: “Dom collects... toys.”

Dom: “Matt sometimes wears a thong.”

Matt: “Dom bathes like a pretty princess.” Dom accused him of having started doing it, too, after Dom told him about it, and that he had text proof of this. And then he said that he’d forgotten that one statement was supposed to be a lie and that everything had been true.

Then they were asked if there were any significant parabatai interactions in 3b, and they both prevaricated a bit (because spoilers!), whispering with each other, going “not really...” until Matt exclaimed, “No, we kill something!” They both got very excited about it and fistbumped.

I’m pretty sure the next question was the best one: @rebelqueenss got Matt to recite the parabatai oath, since Dom had done it last year. Matt at first tried to get Dom to participate (2 lines each, like on the show), but Dom refused, saying it was his turn. Matt started, and Dom stopped him and sat down on the floor so he could look him in the eyes. It was glorious! After Matt finished, they hugged, Matt once again being extremely careful not to jostle Dom’s arm.

My own question felt pretty lame after that, but I asked them about their vacation together and what country they’d enjoyed most. Matt said he doesn’t like questions like this because he always feels that he gets into trouble with whomever he doesn’t choose. He then mentioned several locations, but both he and Dom loved Malta, because there was a festival with fireworks. When the translator was done, Dom added that “Matt loooooves fireworks! Just look at his face just mentioning them...” and Matt then proceeded to ramble a bit about the beauty of fireworks and that everything can be improved by fireworks, unless you’re a dog.

Asked how they create the emotions for difficult scenes, Dom said that Matt pinches him very hard behind his back. (Right then, Matt had his hand behind Dom’s back, btw, but no pinching was taking place as far as I could tell. *g*) Matt added that Dom hates that, so he cries. He then explained more seriously about getting into the moment and feeling that it’s real. Dom said that a couple of times on the show the writing evoked the character’s emotions for them, so they could really feel Jace or Alec’s feelings.

The next question was in Korean and asked whether, if they had a real life parabatai or a close friend like a parabatai, if they could ever kill them. Dom immediately asked Matt, “Would you kill me?” and Matt, who was in the middle of asking for reasons, immediately quipped back, “Dom, let’s not make assumptions.” before going back to wanting a reason. Dom then proceeded to pout, and Matt went “Don’t do that...” and Dom just said, “I’m gonna do the thing.” “Don’t do the thing.” “I’m gonna do the thing.” and so on for a bit.

I couldn’t really tell from my vantage point, but I thought Dom was making puppy eyes - photos I saw later show him poking out his tongue. In any case, Matt finally said, “My best friend Dom... would I kill Dom?” He still wasn’t very happy that he didn’t have more details for the scenario (god, I love this weirdo! *g*), and Dom interrupted him, “The answer is ‘no you won’t’!” Matt: “Could be yes. “ Dom protested, “When, why?” And Matt deadpanned, “I’m hungry.”

Dom said he wouldn’t, and Matt that was a sign of a lack of imagination. Dom: “I imagine you not being my best friend anymore.”

The next question was about Dom’s accent, whether Matt has taken on some Britishisms or whether Dom speaks in an American accent off-set. He said no, never, but that he and Matt sometimes impersonate each other. However, he couldn’t do it now, because he only has one hand and Matt speaks almost always with his hands. Matt then interjected a story which he found hilarious and Dom not so much, namely that Dom speaks almost more American than British and that during their travels people will not believe him that he’s British. He apparently even had to show someone his ID at some point. “Why would I lie about being English? You brought up a sore point - we’re killing each other, and apparently I’m not British, thank you.”

Dom got the girl asking the last question up on stage, even offered her a water. She then turned to Matt, and Dom pretended to be upset. She didn’t really have a question for him, though, just congratulated him about Esther. (It was a bit uncomfortable, tbh.) There was also a bit about pictures that I didn’t get, but Dom said, “Matt and I have pictures like that, too. We just have to keep them secret.” And Matt went “Shhhh...”

Her actual question was for Dom, though (Dom interjected, “I don’t have a wife, though.”), namely what working with Taylor Swift was like. Dom said how lovely she was and how much he enjoyed working with her and hoped that they would remain friends for a long time. Matt interrupted over Dom’s objections that it was his turn by saying “And what about when I worked with Taylor Swift?” although he then was forced to admit that he hadn’t. The girl said he did work with Victoria Justice, though (on Naomi and Eli’s No Kiss List), and Dom said something in a low voice that had Matt go “What story?” Dom: *whisper whisper* Matt: “Why not?” Dom more loudly: “Okay, you can, then...” and that it was his favourite story that Matt had ever told him. Matt then suddenly went wide-eyed. “Oh. Noooo!”

Dom apologised to the girl for getting off-topic and Matt asked if she maybe had a Shadowhunters question to finish the panel. She didn’t, so Matt asked her what her favourite show was - the answer obviously being Shadowhunters! This would have been a nice ending, but the girl felt the need to mention that she’d written a book whose main character was based on Dom. (Not to be rude, but I almost died from second-hand embarrassment.) Matt ended the panel by reminding everyone that it was lunch time, and thus ended a glorious half hour of Sherdario heaven!

Seriously, anyone who doubts that they’re real friends has obviously never seen them together. This is my hill and I will die on it!

Against thanks to the @jalecsquad girls! Coming soon: The rest of Saturday, mainly the Matt & Nicola panel and the group photo.

#itacon2 #sherdario #jalec #dominic sherwood #matthew daddario #con report

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buzzkillmag · 5 years ago

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2019 WRAPPED: a few contributors’ (and my) records of the year

in order of release, here are some of our contributors’ albums of the year, alongside my extremely extensive list of my favorite LPs released in the past 365 days.

1. january 18, heard it in a past life by maggie rogers

this album, without a doubt, shaped this entire year for me, but whenever i’m asked to explain how, or why, i get choked up. at the time of its release, i was in such a strange place mentally that i couldn’t listen to “light on” - one of the most popular songs on the album - without sobbing uncontrollably, even if that meant excusing myself to cry in the restroom when it came on at work. i am so grateful to have had hiiapl to grow with this year. maggie rogers is one of the most influential artists in the world right now, and i know this album is a lot of people’s record of the year. recommendations: light on, burning, on + off, the knife

2. january 25, amo by bring me the horizon

the return of british metalcore band bring me the horizon was such a heavily anticipated one, given the fact that their last LP release was in 2015, but i don’t think anyone could have expected the record they were going to release, or how different it would be from anything they’d ever made. bring me the horizon made a really impressive leap into something of an unknown; there has been, both unfortunately and understandably, some backlash regarding exactly what genres the band had decided to experiment with and whether they’d lost their roots in deathcore. but they’ve promised that despite this jump, they’ll still be as rowdy as ever in their live shows. amo is one of my favorite records of the year because of its genre-bending, and because of its desperation and emotion. it’s turned bring me the horizon from a band i never really cared for into one i now seek out when i’m thinking of what to listen to on drives. recommendations: mantra, in the dark, sugar honey ice + tea, mother tongue

3. february 1, midnight by set it off

my favorite record of 2019 is midnight by set it off. not only did the band completely reinvent their aesthetic, they also showcase a more mature and cohesive sound. cody (the lead singer) is a classically trained clarinetist and I think his knowledge of music really shows on this record. each song has little surprises here and there, and shows the work of musicians who understand rhythm and texture. there’s a little something for everyone, from the angsty undertones of “killer in the mirror” and “dancing with the devil,” to the raw, beautiful emotion of the ballad “unopened windows.” hands down best record of 2019! -gabriela (twitter || instagram)

4. march 1, wasteland, baby! by hozier

I wish I could do my dissertation on the various ways Wasteland, Baby! is a masterpiece but unfortunately I'm in a museum studies program and I don't think my professors would accept that proposal. Hozier was somehow able to fit every emotion a human being is capable of feeling in a mere 57 minutes (and 21 seconds of course) and, by the end, has made the listener feel warm and hopeful despite a large theme being, y'know, the literal ending of everything. Don't even get me started on his referencing and imagery we could be here FOREVER talking about Shrike alone! Even Spotify was like "Hey this is literally all you listened to this year, you good?". Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! have been through one of the toughest years of my life with me - including the transition into a new country - and they will forever have a place in my heart. -alissa (instagram)

5. march 22, mystic truth by bad suns

up until this year - and this release - bad suns were always a background artist in my life. i’ve been listening to them since they first released “cardiac arrest” and it was a single of the week on itunes, but only casually. this was, however, the year i saw them live, on their mystic truth tour in late spring. recommendations: away we go, the world and i, love by mistake

6. march 29, you are ok by the maine

the maine are the most dramatic band in the world, and i love them to death for it. after staging a funeral for their 2017 release, lovely little lonely, in october 2018 to signify their departure from social media, they spent nearly six months in silence to write and record before releasing their seventh record, you are ok, this past march. this record makes me more - for lack of a better word - emo than any of their previous work, in spite and as a consequence of its blatant deviation from the loneliness of anything they’ve released pretty much since black & white. you are ok is, from its very first breath, evolved. recommendations: slip the noose, my best habit, tears won’t cry (shinju), heaven we’re already here

7. march 29, when we all fall asleep, where do we go? by billie eilish

the debut full-length from music prodigy billie eilish was long-awaited by dedicated fans and the general public alike, and when it finally dropped in march of this year, not a single person on this planet was disappointed (probably a hyperbole and consequently bad journalism, but who cares, i never claimed to tell the whole entire truth). when we all fall asleep is a genre-defying masterpiece; the tracks don’t feel as if they should be played on the radio, but because of eilish’s more mainstream previous releases, she’d essentially earned a permanent slot in most popular stations’ rotations. i also had the privilege of watching her play to one of the biggest crowds that reading festival’s main stage had ever seen, and she blew myself (and everyone else there) away. recommendations: xanny, all the good girls go to hell, when the party’s over, my strange addiction, bury a friend

9. april 26, the balance by catfish and the bottlemen

despite criticisms that they’ve been making the same album for five years, i genuinely believe that with every new release, catfish and the bottlemen produce more emotionally coherent and intelligent music. i finally got to see them this year, on their tour supporting the balance, too, after years of casual listening. the balance turned me into a ravenous catfish fan; i spent two months after the show devouring all of the content surrounding them i could find, listening to all three of their albums on repeat, and crying endlessly over how beautiful van mccann is. this album absolutely defined the back half of my 2019, and i’m always shocked to learn that there are people who don’t love it as fiercely as i do. i have such an overflowing fountain of feelings about this album that i’m still not entirely sure how to write about, but all i have to say is that, if you haven’t yet, please please please give this album a spin. recommendations: fluctuate, conversation, intermission, overlap

10. may 24, future dust by the amazons

the amazons are the best band i discovered this year, hands down. according to my spotify year in review, i listened to over 9 hours of their music since seeing them at reading in august (not including all the times i spun this record on vinyl in that time as well). future dust is a masterpiece; there is not one bad track; every time i listen to it, it gets better. they’ve got rock and roll on lock. no one else has come close since maybe the arctic monkeys, but the amazons have brought it back. i’m having a hard time stringing together words about the way this record makes me feel, but i hope that you’ll see this, listen to it top to bottom six or seven times, and make your own feelings about it. recommendations: mother, fuzzy tree, black magic, 25, doubt

11. june 14, doom days by bastille

i will probably forever hate myself for falling out of love with bastille after i graduated high school. i’m not entirely sure what happened (actually, i am - i was shoved too far up the maine’s ass to care about anything else) but i know that i loved them more than anything when i was a teenager, and the doom days album cycle - specifically their reading set - reignited that love, so i’ll be forever grateful to it for that. this album is conceptual and amazing, set over the course of one night when the writer - presumably frontman dan smith, whose brain this came out of - attends a party with his friends in an attempt at escapism. the world is fucked - dan’s words, but also mine - and sometimes we really do just need to pull the wool over our own eyes for once and let loose, even if just for a night. it starts at a “quarter past midnight,” when the night has only just begun, endless possibilities stretched out ahead of him, and finishes with “joy,” about waking up on the kitchen floor, your phone going off in your hand, the only person who really matters in your life on the other end of the line. bastille have always released music that makes it clear that they give a fuck what happens to earth and her people, and with doom days, they’ve perfected that sound. recommendations: quarter past midnight, divide, million pieces, joy

12. august 23, GINGER by brockhampton

after a brief hiatus, my favourite all-american boyband returned with their fifth studio album, GINGER. with a noticeably matured and somewhat mellowed shift within the hip-hop collective, this record explores themes of grief and disconnection to the backdrop of upbeat melodies such as on "boy bye" and sweet love songs such as on "sugar". though perhaps my favourite sentiment on this record lies within the fact that it opens with the echoed words, "I don't know where I'm going," and closes poignantly with the heartfelt statement, "Thank God that I'm built for the distance." -katy (twitter | instagram)

13. september 13, hypersonic missiles by sam fender

hypersonic missiles, the debut full-length from geordie singer-songwriter-maestro sam fender, was my most anticipated release this year. fender has faced a mess of obstacles this year, mostly health-related, after winning the BRIT awards’ critics’ choice award at the start of it, and as a result has had to cancel a majority of the shows he’d had schedules and push back the release of hypersonic missiles a whole month. it was well worth the wait, though, and i ended up writing an essay-length review of it for highlight magazine when i finally did get to hear it. filled to the brim with emotional ballads and belters alike, hypersonic missiles is a culmination of over five years of songwriting and even longer of sam being fed up - with his government, with his peers, with the misrepresentation of mental health by the media. we’ve only had this record for three months, but i can already tell it’s timeless. i’m only hoping sam’s voice recovers enough that he can continue to tour to promote it before returning to studio (reportedly the electric lady in new york city!) to record his second release. recommendations: hypersonic missiles, white privilege, you’re not the only one, will we talk?, two people

14. september 13, pride & disaster by sleep on it

my favorite record of the year is undoubtedly ‘Pride & Disaster’ by Sleep On It. Pride & Disaster arrived the perfect time for me, as I just transferred out of college. I felt lost and unsure of my future. However, listening to Pride & Disaster gave me a sense of hope and support that I’ll be okay on my new journey. -julie (twitter)

15. october 4, interrobang by bayside

Just like the title, there's no single form of punctuation that can explain the brilliance of this album. 'Interrobang' takes the classic Bayside sound to a new level with heavier riffs, faster time signatures, and iconic lyrics. From "Heaven," a stand out anthem for aging punks in the scene to "Bury Me," a melodic metal inspired breakout track, this album is laced together perfectly with both the past and future of Bayside. By tip toeing the line between metal, alt rock, and pop punk, the band has shown that even after almost twenty years as a band, they can still innovate and transform with new music. -katie (twitter | instagram)

16. december 13, fine line by harry styles

i wanted to include this in this roundup, considering i haven’t stopped listening to it since it came out (and i saw him live!), but i did also write an entire review of the album. you can read it here!

honorable mentions (aka albums i didn’t feel like writing an essay about - or just didn’t listen to all that much - but still think you should give a chance)

1. swmrs, berkeley’s on fire (february 15, 2019) 2. circa waves, what’s it like over there? (april 4, 2019 - i wrote a whole review about this record for highlight and not many of my feelings about it have changed since then.) 3. cage the elephant, social cues (april 19, 2019) 4. ten tonnes, ten tonnes (may 3, 2019) 5. palace, life after (july 12, 2019) 6. clairo, immunity (august 2, 2019) 7. the myserines, take control ep (august 8, 2019) 8. muna, saves the day (september 6, 2019) 9. from indian lakes, dimly lit (october 18, 2019)

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lzhui · 7 years ago

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uhh so this is something I found in my notes abt the kinda vibe each exo member gives off to me, n how I feel abt them individually bc I love them a lot but in different ways?? so I tried to put that into words so here’s me rambling abt that for a bit

minseok: ur friends smoking hot older bro who really chill n friendly but still kinda distant but u absolutely 10/10 would bang no regrets u actually already brought this up with ur friend like u had to get it out bc holy shit n they legit give permission bc the thirst is so god damn real n also u kinda fond bc he cute

suho: ur friends super nice super handsome boyfriend like u have to bring it up every time u see him n just acknowledge the fact that this man is a handsome man bc it needs to be said out loud many times but like that’s ur girls boy n u never ever gonna go there but u respect the attractive face. give her a lil fist bump bc she did good

yixing: easily the actual love of my life like, when we meet for the first time I get so drawn in by him that I’m actually floored like I wanna spend all my time with him, get to know him, have fun n make memories with him n it’s really intense but easy at the same time n we kinda skipped the friendship stage n went straight into Romance mode but it feels like we’ve known each other forever n I’m just so enamoured with him that I can’t stop talking abt him every time I open my mouth n my friends have staged their third intervention bc they real sick of my lovesick ass by now but like… I can’t help it I love him I’m gonna marry that man like. Thats My Guy.

baekhyun: this.. is so pure.. the purest friendship the easiest I genuinely care abt u n ur happiness friendship. best friendship. friendship that makes everyone else think ur together kinda friendship. so easy n fun n I’m totally myself around him n not self conscious at all n I’m so comfortable n we get up to all sorts of stupid shit like honestly why did I ever go along with this plan kinda shit. heavy on the flirting like at first it’s just banter n we so comfortable with each other that it works but then at some point it’s not a joke anymore I’m hardcore flirting with u n ur cute n u make me feel good n I absolutely need u to kiss me rn like oh my god we wasted so much time why didn’t we do this before I love u lets go watch a movie n make out but ur buying popcorn today bc u ate the last cookie I was saving earlier u dick. I tell my friends me n bbh together now n half of them are like ‘finally’ n the other half are like… wait… I thought u guys were already together wtf my life is a lie. but its cute.

jongdae: BITCH ME N JONGDAE GO WAY BACK like that’s my best friend. my bff. we grew up together like we used to take bathes together as babies n we had sleepovers n he’s like a bro to me even tho we run in different friendship groups we always got time for each other. like when I had my first date with a guy n I was Stressed abt it n he helped me n when I had my first date with a girl he took me shopping so I could look cute for her n he held my hand as I came out to my parents n everyone else n I stayed over n became his big spoon when That Bitch of his ex gf dumped him for another (lesser) guy n basically he is my platonic soulmate whom I love n will be my man of honour at mine n yixings wedding js.

chanyeol: good grief. yeol is like.. he feels like my first love. the person I shared all my firsts with. my friend my partner my lover. my young love in my teenage years, we made it through puberty together, we discovered ourselves n each other. the first boy I ever trusted with my whole self. even as we grew older, grew up, grew out of love with each other but not out of love, we made it. currently one of my closest n deepest friends like I am so Fond of yeol I would protect him with my life even if we not in love anymore we still love each other n not everyone can understand our dynamic but it works n he came with me to get my wedding dress fitted bc yixing can’t see me in it before the wedding n yeol knows me inside n out n I trust him completely. I share some of my happiest memories with him n I hold his hand with no regrets.

ksoo: Ok what the fuck. ksoo that guy that fucks u up everytime u look at him bc u so intrigued like wtf is up with this guy also he’s like… hot … so like…. wtf am I supposed to do but I don’t go up to him bc he’s kinda intimidating like I’m gonna make a damn fool out of myself I’d rather not. but then we get put together for a project in some irrelevant class n shit now I gotta talk to him. n I’ve never heard him speak before but fOCK his voice is deep I felt that in my ovaries sHIT. but I’m cool I got this n we work well together n do study dates to work on it n shit n he’s less intimidating when u find out he’s a fckn weeb n he has a cute smile that he only shows to ppl he likes n is comfortable with n he shows it to me so I feel Fckn Special n we end up being really good friends n it’s really chill but man… he could just say the word n I’d climb him like a tree like he’s still so damn hot oooohhhh bOY.

jongin: I just… I just want to hug this man… I want to hold him in my arms for no other reason than I want to feel him there. Soft friends. His giggles are infectious. he reminds me of comfort, oversized sweaters, hot chocolate n my favourite book. he also reminds me of achievement, like when I won 1st place in the 100m freestyle for the first time or when I finally finished my dissertation and got my degree. he makes me feel contently comfortable n fiercely proud idk why this is.

sehun: idk how I feel abt sehun, like of course I love him I think he’s cute n attractive, n I love his dynamic with everyone but I don’t know how to put it into words ? It’s like…. he’s everyone’s friend, and he shows a slightly different piece of himself to everyone, and everyone knows him, but everyone knows him… slightly differently idk how to explain it. when I think abt him i see us sitting in a cafe catching up over tea but I never see us alone? there’s always someone else there, another friend of ours to join the conversation n I don’t get it but I don’t question it bc I like sehun I think he’s a cool dude n his smile is the cutest so I constantly want to make him laugh but most of the time he just gives me The Look n continues the convo. idk it’s weird but ok.

#im apparently really hot for ksoo... wild

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mandibierly · 8 years ago

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Ahead of ‘The Vampire Diaries’ Series Finale, Co-Creator Julie Plec Talks Love, Loss, and Redemption

‘The Vampire Diaries’ airs its series finale March 10

Leading up to the 20th anniversary of the March 10, 1997, premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Yahoo TV is celebrating “Why Genre Shows Matter” and the history of how these shows have tackled universal themes (such as how much high school sucks) and broader social issues.

It’s fitting that The Vampire Diaries bids viewers farewell after eight seasons on The CW on the same day that TV fans are celebrating the 20th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s premiere. Not because of that shared word in their titles or their passionate shipper wars, but because both shows knew the power of an epic (or sudden) goodbye in a world where super strength and immortality are possible.

Before she makes us reach for the tissues again with tonight’s two-hour series finale, Vampire Diaries co-creator Julie Plec spoke with Yahoo TV about the storylines closest to her heart.

Related: ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ 20th Anniversary: Joss Whedon Looks Back — And Forward

Early in the series’ run, you told me that you believed the most successful moments in the show were ones that were rooted in very primal human emotional instincts — and that’s why they hit viewers in the gut. What do you think a fantasy show like The Vampire Diaries allowed you to do with these kind of issues that perhaps a traditional drama wouldn’t? Julie Plec: Interestingly enough, I think that it’s less about what a traditional drama can or can’t do, and more about how difficult it is to get a traditional drama on the air. We all grew up with those shows that had “very special episodes.” Perfect example — what happened on This is Us [with William’s death]. The one-hour family drama, or teen drama, or whatever drama can tackle really important issues, but it’s the hardest programming to get on the air and then keep on the air, just in terms of ratings and audience tune in. If you throw a vampire into the mix, or an alien, or a zombie, or a witch, suddenly the genre supports the longevity of the show a little bit more in the eyes of whoever makes those decisions and potentially also the audience.

I should be clear that I speak for myself; I’m not making a blanket statement about the industry. I just always say, “If I could do Party of Five and My So-Called Life my entire career, nothing would make me happier.” But there’s such an incredible series of obstacles to getting excitement about those kinds of shows. Whereas if I go in and pitch a vampire show, which is basically telling the same stories I would tell if I was doing Party of Five, then people get excited. Related: ‘Black Mirror,’ ‘Westworld,’ and 13 Other Genre Shows That Are Tackling Issues Well

You do have to do a balancing act with tone when you’re a genre show. Is there anything that you found to be a particular challenge over the years? What was your operating principle? We stuck very much with death and loss as our single thematic element. Kevin [Williamson, the show’s co-creator] answered questions a lot in the first season about Tyler Lockwood as a werewolf: “Would you ever consider making Tyler Lockwood gay?” He said, “I’ve told the teen coming out story [on Dawson’s Creek]. And the werewolf allegory version of it is almost so on the nose. If I’m going to tell another coming out story, or another story about a gay teenager, I’m gonna do it in ways it’s never been done before.” You want to resist the easy path, just because it seems so obvious, so that you’re still challenging yourself to tell the issue-based or topical stories in the most fresh, new, inclusive, and inventive ways you can.

Why is loss the issue you’re most proud of tackling with the show? Here’s the thing. I think that we said a lot that this is a show about love and loss. And those are two extremely universal things that everybody on this planet goes through at one point in their lives. They, with luck, fall deeply in love at least once. Unfortunately, over the course of a lifetime, they experience loss more times than anyone could hope. It’s very difficult for people to express themselves emotionally to deal with those emotions. In the phases of managing and moving on from grief, it’s a very complicated journey. A show that tackles issues of loss and grief, like what we do, is just another tool out there in the universe to let you sit and have a good cry, or to see something about your own experience in this fiction.

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The show’s handling of the loss of parents, in particular, has been so moving over the years, whether it’s been the brief flashback to Elena’s parents drowning, the episodes devoted to Caroline’s parents’ passing, or — still one of my all-time favorite moments — the reunion of Pearl and Anna. Was there anything you felt strongly about conveying through those moments? Honestly, without thinking about it too deeply, hope. I think the thing that we kept landing on again and again, whether it be via the Other Side, which was sort of a temporary afterlife, or via our question of does peace exist — is there any such thing as peace? — is this idea of hope that in death there is a beauty and a longevity of the spirit. Some people turn to church for that kind of message, I turn to watching yummy sad vampire deaths.

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The concept of friendship has been an important one on the show, too. I always think back to Stefan arranging for Elena and Bonnie to “slumber it” at Caroline’s in Season 2 when he knew she needed them. What did you want to say about friendships with the show? It’s funny, because one of the things I loved most about Buffy, and one of the things that was important that we get right as well, is the sense of the power of everlasting friendship. The bond of your support group. That life is about more than just the cute boy in the high school hallway. That women, specifically, can have unbreakable bonds and be there to support each other instead of knock each other down. Buffy did that so incredibly well, with it’s Scooby gang. For us, the show is a love story. It is about a love triangle, and so our burden that we took on with incredible passion was, how can we build incredible friendships between these young women so that each of them individually might be, certainly, a role model to each other, if not also collectively a role model to young women who watch the show?

Nina Dobrev as Elena in the series finale (Photo: Bob Mahoney/The CW)

The show also had to deal with the issue of whether you should change to be with someone — whether you should change so you can deserve someone. That seems to be Damon’s story throughout the series. I could divide my Gemini personality into two brains: One brain would write the feminist dissertation on why Elena Gilbert is a queen, and the other would write a scathing, annihilating perspective on why a girl falling for the bad boy and changing him for the better is the worst message you could send to young women in this journey. I can’t say that we can be held up cleanly across the feminist spectrum. But what we did tell was a story about love, and how love and the strength and the power of eternal love — whether it be metaphoric or in this case literal — can provide a foundation for strength and humanity and compassion in a way for people that have a hard time being compassionate. And so if the love of another person can open one’s eyes to the beauty of a compassionate life, then that is a win.

Paul Wesley as Stefan and Ian Somerhalder as Damon in the series finale (Photo: Annette Brown/The CW)

Stefan’s journey seems to have been largely about the idea that forgiving oneself can be the hardest thing to do on a quest of redemption. What is the heart of his arc in the series to you? It’s the idea of redemption. You could pair it back to an addiction metaphor and a recovery metaphor — the idea that it’s not just about apologizing for what you’ve done in the past, it’s about living our amends each day moving forward. And that ultimately, the universal message there is we are all flawed beings. We have all had our moments of weakness, or our moments where we lack grace. The best thing we can do as human beings is move forward and do better on a daily basis in hopes that we might find our own redemption by just being better people.

Last question: When you and Kevin sat down to write the finale, what was important to you to feel emotionally, as the creators, and what did you want to leave the audience with? I never thought of it like this, but given the theme that we’re talking about, and this idea of acceptance and being able to say goodbye when you’re dealing with the loss of something, it’s closure. We set out to bring closure to the series, to each of the characters, to each of the relationships — to really give the audience a sense of a final goodbye. I think it will make you sob a few buckets. It’s pretty beautiful. Pretty sad, but beautiful.

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The Vampire Diaries series finale airs March 10 at 8 p.m. on The CW.

Read more from Yahoo TV’s “Why Genre Shows Matter”:

Genre Show Producers Name 15 Series That Helped Shape TV Today

‘BSG,’ ‘Buffy,’ and Other Series That Genre Show EPs Believe Deserved More Emmy Love

‘Farscape’ Star Claudia Black Revisits Aeryn Sun’s On- and Offscreen Feminist Journey

‘Battlestar Galactica’ EP David Eick Revisits 5 Episodes That Remain Relevant

‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ 20th Anniversary: Joss Whedon Looks Back — And Forward

‘The Expanse’ Co-Creator: If You Have Something to Say, ‘Invite Them in With Genre’

#_author_id:c4b4edd0-b171-11e4-b5fd-0d5c1f5abd78 #_author:Mandi Bierly #The Vampire Diaries #Buffy the Vampire Slayer #Why Genre Shows Matter #Julie Plec #_uuid:304f04eb-b3e0-3560-99ba-7ac8d780f148 #_draft:true

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mightywriting · 8 years ago

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College App Essay Tip #8

HOW TO LOVE WORDS — AND LET THEM GO Guest post by Irena Smith, Ph.D. College Admissions Consultant at IrenaSmithConsulting.com

As a high school senior, I was selected “Most Likely to Talk to Anyone or Anything about Anyone or Anything.” To this day, I remain inordinately proud of that honorific, and rarely miss an opportunity to brag about it in casual conversation—making sure to note at some point that my male counterpart in the senior superlatives category is now the New York Times senior White House correspondent. This is my way of reassuring myself that even blabbermouths who are pictured in their senior-year yearbook covering each other’s mouths with their hands in a universal “Shut up” gesture can turn out OK. (At least Mike did, anyway.)

I love words. I love words more than anything. To this day, I love to tell long, complicated stories with tangents (in fact, my tangents often have tangents, and those tangents will occasionally sprout mini-digressions, like a verbal Hydra). When I was younger, I was besotted with adverbs and adjectives, the more ornate the better, and I took a dim view of anyone who told me to streamline my occasionally Byzantine writing. My dissertation was on Vladimir Nabokov and Henry James, authors known for elaborate turns of phrase (some of Henry James’ sentences go on for pages, and some of his paragraphs go on for miles). Words were my happy place, and I frolicked in them like a small child in a ball pit at a local McDonald’s, while her mother cringes nearby and tries not to think of all the germs.

THE POWER OF BREVITY But then, somewhere along the way, I discovered the power of brevity. Brevity as in “the soul of wit” brevity (a quote which, ironically, comes from one of the most prolix characters in literature—someone who certainly would have given Mike Shear and me a run for our money). Still: the power of the short, punchy sentence, of the point made elegantly and well, of surgically precise narrative concision is undeniable. You’ve experienced this power if you’ve ever been exposed to the meticulously crafted advertising tagline— “Just Do It,” for instance—or if you ever came across a line of poetry so finely honed it made you squint in surprise and pleasure (“Because I could not stop for death / He kindly stopped for me”). One of the most powerful sentences in the English language only has two words: “Jesus wept.” Go slightly higher on the verbosity scale, and it’s amazing how much people can pack into six words in the Six Word Memoir Project (http://www.smithmag.net/).

Have you ever tried to sum up anything in six words? I dare you to try. It’s mind-bendingly difficult and surprisingly fun.

And when I began working with high school seniors completing college applications, I didn’t so much discover brevity as have brevity foisted on me, by way of essay word count restrictions. How do you help someone condense the rich, complicated, textured essence of who they are into 650 words? Or 250 words? Or 100?

MIT: tell us something you do for the pleasure of it, 100 words. Go. OK, now stop.

CUT WHAT PEOPLE SKIP Here’s what I tell my students: first write a lot, and then cut everything that’s not important. Cut ruthlessly. Cut to the bone. (Or, to paraphrase Elmore Leonard, try to leave out the parts that people tend to skip.) You can’t know what’s important until you’ve written a lot (one of the many reasons the first draft is also known as the “vomit first draft”, and you’ll know what’s important when a sentence or a word clutches at your shirt and refuses to be dismissed. Sometimes it must be dismissed.

BE BRUTAL An old school editor once described this process as “murdering your darlings,” and yes, it feels exactly as brutal as that. But sometimes, you have to make sacrifices. Yes, a sentence may be pretty, and yes, you may have honed and polished and revised and sweated over each word, but if it's not moving your story forward, it's gotta go.

TRUST YOUR READER If you have three or four instances that demonstrate your humor, your energy, your tenacity, your curiosity, pick the best one and axe the others. The last example standing won’t capture you in your entirety, but it will give your readers a sense of who you are, just as a synecdoche deploys a single, limited designation to stand for a larger whole (“The White House” for the presidency, “hands” for helpers, “boots on the ground” for army, to name just a few). Take it on faith that the example you chose—you must have chosen it for a reason—will resonate more powerfully than you think. Trust that your reader will read between the lines.

Here’s what else you can cut without a second thought:

Sentences full of abstractions that anyone else could have written. You know the ones. Soccer can teach anyone persistence, discipline, and resilience. Only you know what it feels like to take a ball to the face.

The long lead-up: “First I became interested in bioengineering, then I emailed some professors, some of whom never bothered to email me back. Others responded but said they were too busy. Finally, months later, I entered the lab of Professor X.” Instead, try this: “When I first walked into Professor X’s laboratory…”

The phrases “To begin,” “Subsequently,” and “In conclusion.” You’re telling a story, not debating an opponent in Lincoln-Douglas. Let the story unfold.

Most adverbs. Adverbs are a crutch. Strong verbs can stand on their own two feet, thank you very much, and they contain multitudes. Which is better: ran quickly or sprinted? Laughed uproariously or guffawed? Hit hard (or, even worse, hit really hard) or pounded? Looked carefully or scrutinized?

The words “very,” “really,” or “interesting.”

Passive voice or subservient mention of your own incredible luck at meeting this or that luminary, as in “I was lucky to be able to meet….” How about, “I met”? With all the freed-up space, you can tell us what you actually talked about!

Over-explaining. Consider these two sentences:

“I took a deep breath and kicked the ball. It arced across the field, a streaking comet, hit the crossbar, and bounced harmlessly away.”

“I took a deep breath and kicked the ball. It arced across the field, a streaking comet, hit the crossbar, and bounced harmlessly away. I was devastated.”

Do you really need the third sentence? I would argue—strenuously (yes, I know what I said about adverbs, but this is an exception that proves the rule)—that you do not. Leaving things unsaid opens up an imaginative space where your essay can breathe, where your readers can connect with you, where they can feel their own punch-to-the-gut disappointment without you taking them, step by step, through the five stages of missing-the-goal grief. Give your readers credit; they’ll figure it out. If you’re really tight on space, you can probably cut the “streaking comet,” too.

USE A SCALPEL Taking a scalpel to your own writing can feel as harrowing as taking a scalpel to your own skin. These words came out of you; you pored over them, maybe (even with the aid of a thesaurus); you read them to yourself, hunched over your keyboard—and now some of them will have to go.

If the prospect brings you unbearable pain (and if you’ve invested the kind of emotional and intellectual energy in your essays that you should have, it will), save the longer version in a different draft. Title it “For my memoir.” And then think about what’s truly important—what only you know, what only you can say—and cut everything else. The delete key can be your most powerful tool, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still love words. It just means you need to let some of them go.

Trust me. Your essay will be better for it.

— Irena Smith, Ph. D., College Admissions Consultant

Editor’s note: Having been mentored by Irena for years, I can attest to her surgical deftness. So, take her advice and start slicing! Treat the process like a game or a puzzle as you analyze sentences and make assessments about what’s essential and what can go. A mighty story speaks for itself.

Happy slicing! Laurie

Friendly personalized College Application Essay help available at http://mightywriting.org/college-app-essay-coaching

Contact Laurie Filipelli — [email protected] or 512-415-6882

#college #college essay #college applications #college admission #collegeprep #writing #essay #collegeappessay #college advice

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