#my fear is this is going to sound like im vaguing someone or other but i promise this is just somthing im thinking about in relation to

[catmask]

if it's not too intrusive, would you be comfortable talking about your experiences with OCD and maybe what made you seek a diagnosis?

idm it might help other people. i mean disclaimer not to use this as a diagnostic tool but if this sounds like u and u got a doc to talk to its worth bringing up

i think an important place to start and why i didnt think i had ocd is i am 1) autistic 2) a csa victim. this is pertinent because all of the things that actually lead me to get diagnosed with ocd i just kept dismissing as parts of those two other things. thinking 'surely this is all thats up there cant be anything else wrong with me' (<- thoughts of a clown)

the trouble with this is that coping skills id found for parts of both autism and csa trauma weren't working with things i later found out were related to ocd. so like, for example. frequently having intrusive thoughts about csa/sex trauma, i was told that if im experiencing a flashback the best thing i can do is try to ground myself and comfort myself. and yeah this is true, it would work if a flashback is all it was. but what it DIDNT account for is the guilt/dirty feeling id get after having them and the obsessive need to be 'clean' after.

and this trickled into hundreds of aspects of my life. 'cleaness' has always been such a vague unattainable concept unmedicated for ocd. if some things touch other things theyd become 'unclean'. if a person i felt uncomfortable around touched me or something it became 'unclean'. there were 'good' and 'bad' thoughts to have. i was constantly existing as if my presence was being monitored 24/7.

i could not fucking relax because every action i took, regardless of whether or not i was in private, i was constantly thinkin 'am i doing something wrong? am i hurting someone by doing this? am i breaking any rules?' and the 'bad thing' i was doing was like. i missed my boyfriend while he was at work. or i was going over former scenarios in which i was socially awkward in my head and wondering if i should be dead for doing that.

part of why i dismissed this as autism ofc too is yknow. being autistic i often missed social queues as a kid and was pretty brutally punished for it (physically by my parents, emotionally and socially by peers) so i was like yeah its Normal and Realsitic id have super intense fear about 'am i secretly doing something bad and dont realzie it because no one will fucking tell me until ive already done it and its too late and then i deserve all the punishment i get' but where my loved ones stepped in and were like Hey thats Not really normal. is where it waslike. other autistic people going 'brother i dont do that'

so yeah. it was like. kind of rule of elimination? the problems that wrrent getting solved by coping skills for the Other problems i Knew i had, i isolated those leftover things and my doctor was like 'this sounds like you have ocd. do you do this too' and listed out like 60 other things i didnt consider symptoms i just considered 'funny quirks' i had, like crying so hard id throw up if i couldnt get a blanket to lie perfectly flat during a picnic when i was 8 or thinking i was going to hell and my stuffed animals could feel pain so i would apologize to them iver and over while crying when they fell off the bed

you know. 'quirks'

[iamtired10]

out of focus

pairing - ??? x female reader x ???

synopsis - you have two sides to run from, but both are dangerous.

genre - yandere, stalker fic. nothing cute here

warnings - stalking, death threats, extreme, blood, idk, idk², cliffhanger ending, strong language, reader being dumbass, sorry to hyein, pt. 2 coming soon.

word count - 2.6k

a/n - lame-ass fic, im illiterate, my dark romance era is back!! imma write more yandere fics❤️

the first message had unsettled you, but you’d shrugged it off as a minor, albeit eerie, incident.

an unknown number had texted something vague and unsettling:

i’m watching you.

it seemed like the kind of thing you'd hear in some horror movie, but reality?

that felt unlikely.

it could have been a prank—a bored teenager with too much time on their hands or someone testing a spam bot. you rolled your eyes at the thought and went about your day.

but the messages didn’t stop.

in fact, they grew more frequent, more specific.

at first they were merely creepy—just enough to make you glance over your shoulder, but nothing that couldn’t be brushed off.

however as time passed, the texts grew far too detailed.

someone out there knew things no one should know: the exact time you left for uni every morning, what you were wearing, even the tiny, unnoticed things, like how you tapped your fingers on the counter when you were anxious or the way you hummed under your breath when you were deep in thought.

and then came the photo.

the one that made your skin crawl.

it was of you—sitting alone in your room.

the image had been taken from outside, through your window, the angle unmistakably clear.

whoever was sending these messages wasn’t just toying with you from a distance anymore.

they were close.

so close you could almost feel their eyes on you.

you tried to make sense of it, but there was no logic to be found.

every message came from a different number, each with a distinct tone.

some were desperate, almost pleading, demanding your attention with phrases like

why r u ignoring me? i just want to talk.

those ones felt needy, like a strange, twisted longing.

others, however were chillingly emotionless.

u need to be more careful.

those messages felt more like warnings, threats whispered in the dark.

cold, detached, and calculating.

it felt like you were caught between two different people.

one seemed desperate to get close to you; the other wanted you to protect you.

maybe it was just one person.

maybe they had split personalities, switching between obsession and cruelty. or maybe this was a sick game, a test to see how far they could push you, how much fear they could instill.

despite the growing dread, you tried to ignore it.

life continued, even as the dark presence lingered in the background of your mind.

your best friend, hanni, had been the only person you confided in.

she had always been your rock, grounding you when the weight of the situation became too heavy to bear.

when you told her, she didn’t hesitate. “i’m staying over,” she had said, her tone firm, no room for protest. “you’re not going through this alone.”

and for a little while, with hanni there, you’d managed to convince yourself that things were going to be okay.

but now, hanni had too much on her plate.

you didn’t want to burden her further, so when your other friend, hyein, invited you over for a sleepover, you agreed.

maybe a change of scenery would help.

maybe being at hyein's place would give you the distance you needed to think clearly.

you leaned against the cold metal wall of the elevator, the phone pressed to your ear. “i’ll be there in about 30 minutes,” you said, forcing your voice to sound light, normal.

hyein had picked up on it, though. “unnie, are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.

“yeah, i just haven’t been sleeping well,” you lied. “i’m looking forward to tonight.”

she didn’t push further, and you hung up, exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

just as you slipped your phone into your bag, it buzzed again.

you froze.

unknown number [+82 67 3573 2345]

dont leave ur house

your heart skipped a beat.

it was that unknown number again.

the familiar sense of unease crept up your spine.

a second message quickly followed. . .

unknown number [+82 67 3573 2345]

if u leave, u’ll regret it

a threat. this was a threat, wasn’t it?

your pulse quickened, and your hand trembled slightly as you clutched your phone.

did they know where you were going?

how close were they?

were they watching you right now?

the elevator dinged as it came to a stop on the ground floor, but your feet felt glued to the floor. your mind raced, spiraling into a storm of questions and panic.

should you go back to your apartment? but what if going back gave them more power, made them think they could control you?

what if tomorrow you received another message, telling you not to leave again?

how long could you play by their rules?

but then what if ignoring them was worse?

what if disobeying meant they’d escalate?

you stepped out of the elevator, the chilly evening air hitting your skin.

the world around you seemed oblivious to the terror that had taken root in your life. people passed by, chatting and laughing, completely unaware of the invisible danger lurking around you.

your phone buzzed again. this time, it was hyein.

hye🐣👶🏻

see you soon right?

be careful on the way unnie (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

you stared at the message for a moment, feeling the weight of the decision pressing down on you.

if you went to hyein’s place, maybe you could escape the immediate threat.

after all, the stalker hadn’t done anything physical yet…

but how long until that changed?

you slipped your phone back into your backpack after finishing the text exchange with hyein.

just as you were adjusting the straps on your shoulders, you suddenly bumped into someone. the impact was light, but it was enough to knock the other person off balance, sending them crashing to the ground.

“shi—! i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to—” you started apologizing hastily, looking down at the person who had fallen. your words trailed off when you realized who it was.

“oh… hey, haerin-ssi.”

it was kang haerin, a junior at your university.

you had crossed paths with her before—usually in the library, where she often sat alone, nose buried in a book. your classmates had often teased you, claiming the quiet, cat-eyed girl had a crush on you. you’d noticed her occasional shy glances, but you always brushed off the idea. still, there was something about the way she quietly observed you that made you feel… watched.

“hey, sunbae-nim…” haerin’s voice was barely above a whisper. she had her hood up, almost like she was trying to hide.

she seemed to be in a hurry, her posture tense.

your eyes darted to her phone, which had slipped from her hand during the fall. “oh, let me grab that for you," you offered, kneeling down to pick it up.

but just as your fingers brushed the edge of the phone, haerin's hand shot out, grabbing it before you could. “no!! i can get it myself...” she blurted out, her voice suddenly panicked.

you blinked in surprise.

this was the first time you'd seen her react like that—so flustered, so defensive.

you stood up slowly, eyebrows raised. “uh, okay, but i heard the screen crack. you sure it’s not broken?”

haerin stood up quickly, clutching her phone tightly. “you don’t need to worry about that, sunbae-nim,” she muttered, her gaze avoiding yours.

before you could say anything else, she brushed past you, her shoulder bumping into yours as she hurried away.

you tilted your head, watching her rush off in confusion. “weird…” you muttered under your breath. “what’s she hiding on that phone?”

you shook your head, her sudden panic almost… cute, in a way.

later that evening, you were sprawled on Hyein’s couch, half-watching a movie.

or at least, hyein was watching.

your mind had checked out long ago.

every few minutes, your phone would vibrate in your lap, each buzz pulling you further away from the screen and deeper into a pit of anxiety.

then, a new message appeared, and your stomach dropped as you read it:

unknown number [+82 78 3573 1638]

darling my darling

u're going to regret what u've done

i told u not to leave last night

but look at u, out having fun with that kid

watching a movie like nothing’s wrong

you blinked at the screen, then quickly locked your phone, shoving it into your hoodie pocket.

“unnie, anything wrong?” hyein asked, turning her attention away from the movie to look at you.

“yeah, it’s fine,” you lied, glancing away. “just the stalker sending me another love notes, as usual.” you sighed heavily.

you had reported the stalker to the police, but they’d been no help. whoever this was, they were too good at covering their tracks.

changing numbers constantly, sending messages from random places—it was like they were a ghost, slipping through every crack and loophole in the system.

the police couldn’t pin them down, and it left you feeling trapped, helpless.

another vibration.

unknown number [+82 78 3573 1638]

r u u still ignoring me huh?

r u really having that much fun w her?

w that lee hyein?

is she that much better than me?

what r u going to do next?

sleep w her? w a kid? ㅋㅋㅋ

huh is that it?

this one was different.

more direct. more cruel.

the words cut deep, and something inside you snapped.

enough was enough.

you quickly typed back, your fingers flying across the screen:

stop messaging me

she's a hundred times better than u.

u’re just a pathetic loser who doesn’t have the guts to face me in person.

and dont u dare think about her again

you hit block for what felt like the hundredth time.

but even as the message disappeared, you knew it was only a matter of time before another number popped up, and the cycle would start all over again.

no matter how many numbers you blocked, the stalker always seemed to have infinite patience.

more patience than you, that was for sure.

you stared at your phone, frustration bubbling up inside you.

how long could this go on?

how long before they stopped playing games

and did something worse?

and it had gotten worse.

much worse than you could have ever imagined.

you hated yourself for going to hyein’s house that day.

every terrible thing that had happened to her was because of you.

the guilt gnawed at you like a beast with no mercy.

you stared at hyein, lying in the hospital bed, still unconscious.

her ankle was broken, a bandage wrapped around her head.

the doctor said she was lucky to be alive, but you couldn’t shake the words that haunted you:

unknown number [+82 90 5874 3663]

got a surprise for u, my love.

u're going to like it.

go to the gymnastics building.

i love u. so much

that’s where you found her.

hyein, crumpled at the bottom of the staircase, blood pooling beneath her.

someone—your stalker—had pushed her down the stairs.

the sight of her lying there, so still, so vulnerable, was burned into your memory.

and then the next message arrived.

unknown number [+82 90 5874 3663]

told u to stay away from her

but you didn’t listen

she’s lucky she’s not dead.

but the sound of her skull cracking was loud enough to satisfy me ㅋㅋㅋ

anyway i love u, my darling.

remember this is just a little showcase. i can do worse than that

all of this... it was because of you.

you couldn’t forgive yourself.

the guilt was unbearable, consuming you from the inside out.

mrs. lee’s sobs echoed in your ears as she clung to hyein’s brother in the waiting room.

the grief in their eyes was too much.

they loved her like you did, but they didn’t know the truth—their daughter, their sister, was in this hospital because of you.

you bit back your own tears, but they came anyway, spilling down your cheeks.

hyein had always been like a little sister to you, someone you wanted to protect. now she was hurt, possibly broken, because of you.

the thought of her dying because of your choices was like a knife twisting in your chest.

the stalker had done this.

and they could do worse.

much worse.

the only sliver of relief was that hyein was stable, though she hadn’t regained consciousness yet.

but you didn’t know if the stalker would come after her again.

that thought paralyzed you.

“it’s okay…” hanni’s voice broke through the fog of your mind.

she was sitting beside you, pulling you into her arms.

her hug was warm, firm, as she rubbed your back gently. “she’s going to be fine. don’t worry. she’ll be okay.”

her words were soothing, but they didn’t reach the gnawing fear inside you. “i’m here, okay? no one’s going to hurt you again. the police are here. we’re all here for you. you’ve got me. it’s going to be alright,” hanni whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as you collapsed into her, sobbing into her chest.

“h-han, i’m so scared…” you stuttered, your voice broken. “why is this happening? why can’t they just leave us alone? why can’t they leave me alone? what do they want from me?”

hanni held you tighter, her voice low and serious. “love…,” she murmured.

you blinked and looked up at her, confused. “h-huh?”

she sighed, then met your eyes. “i mean... they’re obsessed with you. they want your attention, maybe more. maybe love. i don’t know... but let’s not think too much about it right now, okay? just focus on being here. on being safe.”

you swallowed hard, nodding as you let out a shaky breath. “o-okay…”

just then, minji’s voice interrupted the quiet moment. “are you guys leaving soon?”

she stood at the door, her eyes flicking between you and hanni.

you tried to pull away from hanni’s embrace, but she held on tighter.

“no—” you started, but hanni cut her off.

“yeah, i think y/n needs rest,” hanni said firmly, smiling softly as her hand continued to rub soothing circles on your back. “she was awake all night, and she’s exhausted.”

you shook your head. “but i need to stay for hye—”

“she has her brother and minji. doctors, nurses, and the police are here to protect her,” hanni interrupted gently. “you were here all night, y/n. you didn’t sleep. you need rest.”

you wanted to argue, but you were so tired.

the exhaustion hit you all at once, like a wave crashing down. you sighed in defeat.

minji nodded. “okay. i’ll keep you updated when she wakes up or if anything happens. and if you need anything, call me. do you want a police officer with you for protection?”

before you could respond, hanni spoke up confidently. “no, i’ll be with y/n. the stalker can’t do anything to her while i’m there.”

minji raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue. “alright. . . just let me know if you need anything.”

she gave you both a lingering look before walking away.

hanni finally let go of you and stood up. “i’ll grab your backpack. don’t move, okay?”

you nodded as you watched her walk off, the quiet hum of the hospital surrounding you.

nurses bustled about, doctors talked in low voices with patients, and the distant sound of machines beeped steadily in the background.

it all felt surreal, like the world was moving on while you were stuck in this nightmare.

and then your phone buzzed.

your heart stopped as you hesitantly pulled it out of your pocket.

you glanced down at the screen, and your blood ran cold.

unknown number [+82 67 3573 2345]

is typing. . .

dont go to her house

a/n - fell asleep while writing it -_-

my brain, butt, back, neck, fingers hurts 😣

[glubandeepspace]

my current understanding of raf lore in regards to mc's part in it is basically ↓

they met as kids once when he ran away from home to explore (Nightly Stroll), but then he went back home n mc got taken in by those culty people

(Forgotten Sea) they reunite as fellows in more fucked roles. raf initially chose her as follower for convenience (probably didnt instant recognize) but then as they realize more abt each other they become friends in an arranged marriage adjacent situation that ends up actually wrong to the sea somehow. but i mean the tome is weird abt what it says abt how he should treat a follower and he himself also claims "tis a human fantasy" for lemurians to fall for who theyre bound to. yet he fell n all.

more theory territory bc again the end of forgotten sea is vague—during the ceremony, his awakening doesnt work bc the sea could tell he isnt more devoted to it than he is to mc, and the sea demands him to choose between her n lemuria (not that the sea would destroy its own people, but the flame lemuria needs was already dying, and rafayel's proper awakening couldve saved it but now it needs a sacrifice). it's such a last minute twist / confirmation of fears and mc makes him sacrifice her (or he kills her bc the sea compells him). this brings forth the new flame.

but rafayel dies a lot later as Forgotten Sea says, because... the incident with sea witch mc (Fragrant Dream) and the implied mc of Siren's Song (idk what order these would be). but the thing abt sea witch is—she may have been cursed as punishment by the sea, and raf didnt agree with this, turned her back human at the cost of a lot of effort n his life. he basically died for mc 1-2 times total for all the above, no matter what order. but he probably knew he'd die for sea witch (i doubt the sea offed him). so hes not above dying for mc except

"a rumor" "the god of the sea had lied to the deep sea for his beloved" (Forgotten Sea) im believing this rumor and that the lie was sometjing like.. that he'd take back the heart he gifted mc (which already irked the sea, hence flickering flame during Forgotten Sea kiss that happened right after the gifting) (it sounded like a metaphorical gifting at first but ig not) (maybe halfway. somethingsometjing magic). bc he doesnt want to kill her, especially after he already tried killing her once, and he doesnt trust everything the sea expects. he resents the prophecies or whatever. he thinks he can save lemuria in his own way

lemuria that btw fell to ruin specifically bc of his absence from it when Siren Song mc took his tail & scales (thats why he sung the elegy as he perished alongside her)

plus, you know, other humans

he gets reborn (who knows how again) into what we can call linkon raf, whos focused still on avenging his people and likely finding a way to revive lemuria while protecting its remains—a way that doesnt depend on what's now mc's heart, but she is a backup choice he may consider (though the sea wishes she were the first choice) (but like very to the very back of his brain, the last choice even, esp since he actively protects her actually) (where the fence between his thoughts and the sea's are)

probably something to do with the aether core ironically part of her heart will be what helps lemuria

somewhere in all this was also an mc who lived on an island alone ? (forgot where from!) and also an mc who might fr get her heart carved by some teen lemurian that's either a new raf somehow or someone connected (mentioned in an mc dream i also forgot which myth from, but probably forgotten sea? dream abt abysswalker-like era though) and i need to reread abysswalker before going on even longer for its mentions of tome stuff etc

[variousqueerthings]

smth I've been thinking about in terms of my reads of fraser in relation to the word "love"

so obviously im obsessed with "you must remember this" an episode all about falling in love with a title based on one of the most famous love stories in cinema (not only about that ofc) containing a scene where fraser -- who is more supporting in this episode as ray is the one actually In Love -- looks for cues on what love ought to feel like. How do you know you're in love? he asks

part of this is that the closest he's ever felt to another person is a woman he nearly died with who also probably definitely tried to manipulate him into not giving her up to the authorities, and he's wondering if he's in love with her, maybe fearing the idea of it considering she's anathema to everything he stands for + he feels like he fundamentally betrayed her by giving her up

that's another thought for another day, but does sort of connect to this in the sense that he's not really grown up with or experienced emotions that he would be sure can be classified as "being in love."

the things ive been thinking about the are... would fraser say he loved someone? as in, "i love you." whether it be platonic or romantic or just one of those things people say offhand...

and i really do struggle to See it. this is somewhat different to my most favourite headcanon that he's also loveless, this is just exploring the (potential lack of) vocabulary that he has to express his emotions with, and the access to understanding those emotions in the first place (there's an aside to this that i also don't think he'd be very able to vocalise what he does or doesn't like in kinky and/or sexual scenarios, but that's a whole other ball of twine to unravel)

on the one hand fraser is very very well-read and he's hinted at having watched at least a few classics (i like to imagine he's something of a classic film buff although he may also just have five or so movies he's watched on repeat), but the way he engages with language carries so many hallmarks of scripting i genuinely wonder what intentions they could've had other than him being neurodivergent (probably autistic). he's nigh-unfailingly polite in a way that's reminiscent of a storybook hero come to life more than "just" that politeness is a... polite thing to be, he stammers and loses words if there's interpersonal conflict (or the threat of such) he struggles with slang and sayings (i haven't gone too far into this, but i wonder if there's an analysis that looks at when he does know these and whether that could connect to the kinds of books he's read and people he grew up with, eg. his grandparents... but yeah, another day EDIT: I just rewatched the Pilot and he definitely knows "kettle of fish" but that could also be something from pilot!fraser that doesnt make it into the show-proper) and he can't easily adapt to various speech mannerisms, although by end s2 he does a very good ray impression, but that, again, is scripting based on close study.

He Basically Always Sounds A Bit Out Of Place (in fact his speech mannerisms uh... are very similar to mine. outside of the accent) because his way of engaging with the world is to learn about it from a book or a movie and to mimic it back

BUT LOVE. TO GO BACK TO LOVE!

what is love? many a book and film and essay and scientific analysis has been put out there in the world about the subject and i imagine based on some of his lines (about hamsters and the french and north by northwest i believe it was) that fraser has paid attention to many of them in an effort to figure it out and come up pretty empty

the idea that, fundamentally, love is kind of what you make of it is not a very useful conclusion to someone who needs to understand how things work in order to put them into practise -- fraser has a lot of book-knowledge and he has intuition based around things like survival and reading people in a particular kind of way, but he has no way of putting the vagueness of love-in-fiction-and-science into practice -- there's nothing concrete to point to, other than "this one time i almost died with this woman and i hear her voice still and hallucinate snow falling when i think about her and i feel guilty about what i did and now she's making me make promises that will allow her to use me however she wants and i want forgiveness and answers so badly that i'll do it"

it's not a word that i can imagine exists in his lexicon really, especially post-victoria, because the word itself cannot be connected easily to a precise feeling or action and its only point of reference is a woman who severely fucked with his head

but what does exist for him is said action. would he say "i love you"? i don't know. would he do more for ray than i think ray realises? yes absolutely. same, i think, goes for meg (who has her own "this woman reads to me as autistic" stuff going on). probably in later seasons same goes for the second ray -- things that go beyond his code of being to protect people as a general mandate and specify that these people are different to him

is that love? idk, you tell me, im as clueless as i read him as

but to say "i love you" i think he'd first have to feel like he understood it in some way, and that would be a difficult process. it would at the very least need coaxing. teaching. giving him a sense that he knows what exactly he's emotionally responding to

idk. some kinda fic called "what is love (baby dont hurt me)" would be fun

[zabala0z]

S3 is once again killing me again with all the lore and I love it. School started up so I might be slower with my thoughts but I got episodes 92, 93, 94 and 95 to talk about!!!

MAG 92: Nothing Beside Remains

Elias makes me want to eat my phone, similar to that one guy from MAG 65 :) I was like screaming the whole time. Of course he can see everything, he literally called the police before Daisy came. I took that as "oh he has spies" but no he can see everything, I hate that. Is Jon eventually gonna get that ability or does The Eye give different gifts. Elias hasn't shown any "compellling" sort of power so I assume the latter. ALSO MORDECAI LUKAS?? I need to see a statement from a Lukas member cause what is up with that family, I'm dying.

Guess Basira is now working there. Hope Elias is paying her. the fact he won't tell Jon shit is so funny to me. So The Stranger is now, basically, the confirmed main villain. BBEG yknow? Mildly terrified, I hate circuses and mannequins so this season is gonna like body me

Not much to say on MAG 93 but whatever entity has the whole "gross shit" as its deal, I'm guessing this falls under it. Purple fungus, the obsessive cleaning, etc. Also yaaay Breekon and Hopes!! Again!11!! get out! Poor Georgie. Love her for being like "Do you even have qualifications??". Jons explanation helped me a lot because during Elias's explanations, I'm mostly just muttering curses to myself because I HATE Him. Avatars. Baller. So Jude Perry was the avatar of The Desolation (destruction, fire, etc) Michael Crew was the avatar of The Vast (sky??, emptiness, general loneliness) and then like Jon is an avatar and I'm guessing so is Elias. I think you can have more then one avatar but anyways.

MAG 94: Dead Woman Walking

Jon refereed to the entity as "The End" which, using my notes, was mentioned in Mary keys statement when gertrude asked where the book came from and Mary said "The End" and said she could never serve it, not finding death interesting. Wild that she can't feel fear anymore??? Like damn. This kinda read as someone in a depressive state in some form. Or like a nihilistic person. Cause like "everything ends, time, it has already ended". Wild.

Not much to say on MAG 95 but I did understand the context vaguely which is more then what I can say for the other war statements. Also Martin and Basira friendship??? Love it. She gets really engrossed in books. I dunno if she was like lying or this is something supernatural related but I love Basira

MAG 96: Return to Sender

Literally screeching oh my god. The fact these things just hijacked this mans business is almost funny. They also talked with a circus ringmaster. Nikola Orsinov? gregor Orsinov? A different one. the statement was given 1996 and Gregor was the leader around the 40's but Nikola, by her description I think, sounded young. So. Who was this ringmaster? Maybe Im getting the timeframe wrong. or they're like eternal. Maybe they like just shed skin and steal a new body, just going by the same last name- okay I don't know.

Also, SARAH BALDWIN???? Welcome back girl. The fact the gorilla skin was stolen by gertrude means she was trying to stop The Unknowing, and likely that's why its been this long for it to happen, because they need that skin. Ew. The Stranger loves skin a little too much. Also Sarah being filled with sawdust and cloves. Great. If Not Sasha was shot, would we have seen that? Or is it different with every one of those, NotThem.?

Anyways, I think that's everything. Every statement, I'm kinda thinking, "which entity does this fall under" now that I know the surrounding universe. Tough since I only know 6 by name and I think there's more. 6 too many entities for this world though

[psychabolition]

Hi. I was the person who sent the ask about what needs to be done instead of psychiatry. I only just read your response now. In the time between sending the ask and now I’ve done a lot more research into anti-psychiatry and psych abolition. I understand how it’s an oppressive system and how it harms people. I agree with the need to dismantle it. But as soon as I read the response to my ask I broke down crying.

You talk about the importance of community. Or being able to rely on friends in times of crisis rather than therapists and psychiatrists. I have no community. No friends. I used to think I was okay with that. But I guess I was lying to myself. I am considered distasteful to be around. Scratch that, I actively make myself distasteful to be around. Because then I can at least expect people to inevitably hate me rather than have high expectations and be let down every single time. I’m desperately waiting for my therapy appointment in two days. I know I need someone better. Someone who I can actually tell that I cut myself a couple days ago without them deciding that I need everything I love taken away from me for who knows how long. But I fear I will never have someone better. I fear that even my therapist only tolerates talking to me because they’re paid to tolerate it.

You post about the importance of community if we are to break free from oppressive systems. How do we build that community? How?

Hey !! Thank you for your ask !

I totally understand you . Like I literally know exactly what thats like , trust me.

Ik that "community" is such a vague word that it almost sounds meaningless . Like wtf is that? In my opinion most people just have work colleagues or school mates or other students in their lectures and then go home to a nuclear family or to their partner - this is not "living in community" 💀💀💀. Most people dont live in community, our society (at least western societies like in europe - idk about others) is so fucking alienating . Any emotional connection is replaced w a hierarchy - teacher, prof, therapist, the nuclear family , your boss at work, even intimate relationships with a partner are like that in our patriarchal society . And then the people who you are on the same page as, youre pit against them - you need to be better than your work colleagues to get that promotion or at least so you dont get fired, you need to be able to pass that test alone in university/school otherwise you fall behind your peers or are literally excluded from visiting school/uni , a lot of friendships between women (or FLINTA* to be more accurate) fall apart because of cis men ... FUCK this society .

And then theres those of us that dont fit into this bullshit society. I dont care for a career in a job that will definitely bore me to death or overwork me till suicide and I have 0 interest in creating my own nuclear family after all the awful bullshit Ive had to endure because of the one I was born into. Like these are the 2 life options for us . Of course I was suicidal all the time as a teenager😭I couldnt imagine a future in a world where these are the only options in life !!!! Why are so many people NOT insane ? Who actually likes living this way ????? And if we cant or dont want to submit to "career via education and/or nuclear family" we're worth nothing in this society . We're ostracized ,isolated, stigmatized .

What Im dealing w right now is also connected to all that . the nuclear family that I grew up in wants to stop supporting me financially bc I dont submit to societal expectations of career and education .💀 a lot of my friends are also struggling w literally paying rent bc their parents randomly stopped giving them money for similiar reasons, its awful . This is why the nuclear family is the opposite of community to me. I'd do anything for my friends so they dont go homeless or without food or without support no matter their life choices and especially if they struggle I want to be there for them MORE not less .FUCK our parents fuck the nuclear family . They all slowly start to cut us off and make our lives hell because they dont fucking care about us and they never did .

Anyway . You dont have to built a new community obviously. So the question you need to ask yourself is - where does community still/already exist in your area ? Especially for those of us who deviate A LOT from social norms and "normal" life experiences . I can only talk about myself - Ive found solace in Subcultures that are from and for people who deviate extremely from social norms. Ive linked another ask that Ive answered where I listed all the subcultures that Ive somehow somewhen have heard people around me be a part of. Ik that it can also be very hard to get to be a part of those subcultures if youre not used to being around people (especially groups) but literally . Just keep trying, any subculture thats made up out of outcasts is very welcoming and very accepting. Also usually (at least in my experience) the subcultures are all conntected which is really cool because once you know people from one community you start to know a lot of people from other communities too ! It can still take time though . For me it only took 1 good friendship to a person whos in a subculture in my city to get to know many other people who are all actually part of a real community.

If you have a political subject that youre passionate about like anti psych or abolishing prisons or if there are other subjects that are important to you (animal liberation, youth liberation, climate crisis, queerfeminism , ... ?) I highly recommend a political group as a way to find community and to get into the subcultures in your area . You'll finally stop feeling powerless against oppressive institutions if you manage to actually change something through activism . Any and all activism also connects you a lot to the place that youre living in and the people with similiar struggles around you. Go to Antifa or communists - they have open meetings for newcomers all the time . Or try to join any other subculture - read the ask that I linked !! If youre queer for example thats awesome - go to a queer event Now . Being queer has always had so much culture, so much community .

Also trust me youre not awful to be around . You'll realize that youre actually cool to be around when you spend time w your friends and they appreciate you . and youll also stop having thoughts and fears about not being able to trust them or about them judging you or about how it must be awful to spend time with you (or whatever else you might think) when you have fun spending time together and you regularly see each other and you value each others time. You just havent met your people yet. Dont worry , you will.

[bigfemboyenergy]

self indulging in the sonic x dp x dc thing

tails and/or knuckles could make an appearance. also i have no idea who or what to put for like. the dc part? im not super into dc except for batjokes lore (in technicality) and fics

Danny finds himself in a strange place. He has a lot of questions. After all, it was only a second ago that he was with his family. Where am I? he thinks to himself. What happened? Sadly, he doesn’t have time to dwell on these thoughts, because he sees something awfully “funny” and even potentially dangerous only a few feet away..

Sonic opens his eyes, and blinks several times in shock. He was with Amy, Knuckles, and Tails, but now he’s..wherever this is? He’s gone through some bullshit today, enough from Egghead, and he’s completely over it. Silently, he shrugs as he thinks, well shit, stuff always wants to keep happening.

With a sigh, Sonic uses this moment of what seems to be calm to look around. He blinks repeatedly, shocked. What he sees does not cease to surprise him. Growing up and living in open, bright greenery did not get him ready for the gloomy, dreary city he’s appeared in. He murmurs, vaguely, “what the absolute fuck.” It’s only then that he notices the guy next to him.

Both him and the stranger flinch, as if only just noticing each other. This person..is a human, certainly. Or, well, he looks like one. He looks terribly shocked to be seeing an..oversized blue hedgehog cryptid? Or a 3’ furry? His face shows that he has no idea what he’s seeing.

Danny narrows his eyes, observing the thing, concern and fear melting away. After all, he’s seen worse; who hasn’t, with internet access? He speaks, questioningly, “So, what are you, and have you also been mysteriously brought here without notice?” The creature says, coolly, “Isn’t it more polite to ask for a name first? But I digress; first of all, hedgehog, and secondly, yep.” Danny nods, interested by the way this creature knows English and is oddly human, for something that is, well- a hedgehog, they said? With a small chuckle, Danny speaks once more; “Well then, what’s your name?” The hedgehog grins and proclaims, “Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog.” It is only then that Danny realizes this bad boy is, well..recognizable? He isn’t quite sure why he’s heard of him or where. He awaits his realization with much impatience. It feels awful to be only halfway to a conclusion.

Sonic looks up at the human, no recognition in his eyes. He doesn’t know him, it seems. With a playful shrug, he begins, “I’ve told you my name, so tell me yours,” he edges closer. “Come on, don’t be shy.” He almost sees the gears turn in the human’s head, before they say, “It’s Danny.”

Sonic looks Danny up and down, taking him in. He seems like an average guy, Sonic thinks. Nothing too unusual about him, probably. “I have a quick question, Dan- can I call you that?- is it..weird for hedgehogs to be walking around this place?” Danny shrugs in response. “I mean, before being brought here, I would’ve thought so, yeah? Pretty odd, if you know what I mean,” he states. “And sure, ‘Dan’ is fine.”

Carefully, Sonic drinks in the new information. He’ll have to consider the fact that bad crap will probably go down around him. He ain’t no normal guy, not in this place, it seems. Might even have to go into hiding, he thinks. That’d suck balls. He sighs to himself, wondering how he’ll even get home.

Danny notices Sonic’s dilemma, but can’t do anything about it. After all, he’s just a halfa, what can he do? He doesn’t have illusion-related powers; at least, he’s not aware of having any, that is. But since he himself has a very good reason to be sympathetic..he makes an offer. “We both got sent here randomly, right? So, why not find a place to crash together? Not sure you could even get a job here, so you’ll definitely need someone’s help.” Sonic snickers softly and holds out his hand for Danny to shake. “That sounds good to me, if you don’t mind,” he says, a bit calmer now. Danny doesn’t hesitate to shake Sonic’s hand as he says, “Hello, new partner in crime.”

Upon noticing that two people supposedly teleported here for no reason..the batfamily was in a state of worry. Now that they have tried to research these people, get a little info on them- they, uh..are quite shocked to learn that nobody fits their descriptions and/or the names they go by. Well, except for something they aren’t sure whether to deem it a coincidence or a completely mind-boggling disaster. More on that later.

Now that Danny and Sonic have gotten fairly acquainted, all that’s left is for them to find a place to spend their time, and hopefully some work.

WELL THATS IT FOR THIS TEST THING TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT 💀 and yes i am calling it “The Worst Crossover To Ever Cross Over” it’s a good pun imo ok

[houndfaker]

I really think the ship is cute I've been messaging my friends about it!

How does Elise react when Kotone describes the situation in her world... And perhaps the members of Team Sonic?

THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO HEAR AW LOL ive gotten super unhinged about it super fast so seeing the enthusiasm for it really means the world 🥺

this is a bit of a tricky question because i think it depends on Which point in p3’s story that the details come out but ill give the best answer i can

so generally speaking (partially for the sake of how i want things to pan out) i actually don’t imagine team sonic getting too deeply involved with kotone; she knows them and is friends with them for sure! but im not sure she’d confide in them about all the stuff going on with her, at least not beyond a vague explanation about how the whole persona thing works. even with that in mind, though, i think they, or at the very least sonic himself, can gather that she’s got a lot on her shoulders. being sonic, he’s pretty loose about it, but he encourages her where he can. he knows what it’s like.

elise on the other hand i think is someone that insists on carrying the weight of kotone’s problems with her if she can

(sidebar: since this is post-06 being deleted from the timeline, i imagine that although she doesn’t remember what happened, the Feeling of what she learned from the time she spent with sonic sticks with her and so elise is a much more emboldened person when she meets kotone; it’s a little bit of why the comics ive been doodling center around a lot of elise making spontaneous moves where she’s honest with how she feels)

if we’re going by earlier on, i think it’s a bit run of the mill to elise even if the concept of tartarus and the dark hour are rather whimsical. kotone and her friends are essentially parallel to the heroes of elise’s reality; those who fight back against the mad genius doctor eggman and his droves of mischievous machines are like sees who fight back against these ‘shadows’ that prowl the night. i think a big point of attachment between them is that she and kotone are both in serious leadership positions as teenagers.

and if we’re going by ‘post-ryoji explaining the end of all things’, although it takes quite a bit of time to get kotone to the point where she feels comfortable enough to unload any of her baggage on a single other person she cares so much for, i feel the mounting stress of the approaching fall of humanity all but forces her to come clean because she just can’t hold onto it all by herself anymore, she doesn’t Want to for once in her life. she thinks elise has a right to know as one of the few people in her life whos aware of What she does when the clock strikes 12.

and, understandably, elise feels…helpless. again, these phantom emotions from a timeline that’s been wiped, where she faces the end of a world and the fear that someone she cares so much about will be lost forever. there’s some of that desperate selfishness elise has shown briefly in the past, the idea that maybe kotone can bring the people of tatsumi port through her warp ring and let them seek refuge in soleanna. save a small portion of that world, at least, from what sounds like certain doom. but she knows it’s an absurd idea. and kotone can’t see it as anything but running away when she wants to fight harder than ever before.

elise would have to contend with her overwhelming need to protect kotone, that gnawing in her heart making her want to cling and never let go, keep the same devastating thing she can’t seem to remember (the loss of sonic, the loss of her Memories with sonic) from happening to her a second time. she’d have to accept that kotone is going to fight the world’s end no matter what. even if it costs her life. it’s so unfair. but it’s also part of what made her fall in love with that girl. she wants to fight for their lives so badly that she’d challenge the supposed inevitable.

that’s all ill say for now i think 🙏 i hope it’s a decent answer haha ive been thinking about these two really really hard

[shortnsnips]

twitter is really pissing me off with this. ( / wilbur soot , abuse )

love dream, hate dream, i don't care. you can think he's a terrible person, think he did terrible things WHILE ALSO acknowledging how well-spoken and important it was for him to say something. all of these stupid "he's doing it to save face!" or "this is an insane PR tactic" or even the "this is dangerous!!!" are actually so insensitive and to be quite honest makes you side with abusers!

dream is a victim of domestic violence and has been public about this for YEARS - it is so incredibly important that he spoke out in support of shelby while ALSO condemning wilbur's actions as a victim of domestic abuse to show solidarity, from one victim to another. to show that he KNOWS what it's like, he knows the behaviors and the tactics. he saw them in wilbur's bullshit "apology".

dream even says in his statement how encouraging it was to see, as a victim himself, that people were speaking out in support of shelby. how this was going to raise awareness to see the signs, to help encourage more people to speak out and not fear their abuser or just to be able to stand up for anyone who decides to speak out about it. to go on and completely diminish his words by saying "don't let this fool you!" is actually really gross. diminishing another victim's voice is gross. nobody said you had to like him for speaking up. did he have to? no. did anyone have to? also no! don't know why we're so upset and angry about having more uplifting voices, more support. we should be focusing on supporting shelby, not using another victim's message of support to shit on other people and bring external situations into this. it's gross and draws the attention away from the matter at hand, which is what the abuser tried to do in the first place.

since im here (probably won't be back to waffle until the tubbathon starts lol) i just wanted to point out the parts that really stuck out to me from his response because even though i don't really care for him anymore, i do think his support/condemnation has been the best worded so far.

"she had a reason to be afraid to say your name, but you shouldn't have been afraid to say hers"

i got actual chills from that one because FUCK it's so true. it bothered me so bad that wilbur was so vague about it almost as if he could AVOID it if he never attached her name to it. idk if theres really any legal stuff behind it or what not but other than that he had zero consequences for naming her directly. zero consequences for giving her a direct apology. his "apology" didn't even sound like it was TO HER. he isn't sorry, he obviously doesn't know what he has to be sorry for if he's too much of a pussy to address her directly.

"thank you for being brave"

it is so so important that he described her as such because not only does it continue to uplift her and encourage her to stay strong and continue to be brave, but it shows that speaking out against any form of abuse no matter what it is is BRAVE. it's admirable and hopefully sends encouragement to anyone else who reads it that speaking out against it is brave. point blank period. (and honestly everything in his apology to shelby was so incredibly well-worded - its really the fucking fact that dream who had no involvement whatsoever could apologize but wilbur didn't even know what he was supposed to apologize for lol.)

i've said this before, and i'll say it again. all of my love and support goes out to shelby. i am so incredibly inspired and proud of her for being able to stand up for herself, to speak out against someone even if they had a larger platform and raise awareness to the signs and pieces of shit within the community so we don't continue to support and platform dangerous people. i've watched shelby for such a long time, she was such an important part of my childhood and it actually breaks my heart that someone could even THINK of doing anything like that to her because she is such a fucking light and fuck ANYONE who would do anything to try and put that out. i wish her nothing but the best and all of the healing in the world because she deserves it so so much. my heart goes out to any and all other victims of wilbur, as well.

[pawbeanies]

Hello Chuu my love my darling my angel my sweet sweet pup, do you have any fantasies involving being used by strangers or recognized by followers, and if so, care to elaborate? Mwah

helloooo anon my dearest my googy my anonnn!!! my tail is wagging at all the sweet names btw thank youu. hehe im lovedarlingangelsweetpup ...

mwah i fear i am putting my fantasies are under the readmoreee. you got me

covering my face with my hands i fear youve hit such a weak spot... i have never written down a Lot about my Fantasies fantasies i think so. looking away. i am just typing and typing and typing a

i think like. being used by strangers is so !!! good for fantasies!!! i think the like ... concept of being on a crowded train or something and having everyone be oblivious to the fact that someone(s plural?!?!)s touching me is sooo. the like .. being on the subway and trying to hold on to something while the train rocks and someone presses themselves up against my back. oh nooo the trains are waiting for signal clearance... we are gonna be here for a while... being dragged off the train by said stranger at the next stop to Continue is alsooo. a lot.

part TWO of being used by strangers i think soo much of like. going to a party with a friend but going through the Introvert Nightmare of clinging to the wall while my friend who brought me to the party is off talking to other people?? sitting next to someone i don't know and maybe striking up an (awkward) conversation with them. ... not realizing they're getting a little closer n a little touchy. i think ending up lowkey being felt up by a stranger at a party and having any noise i make drowned out by the sound of people chatting or music playing would be kind of wild... this one is a recurring fantasy fksjfj pawbeanies confession sometimes i put on like Party Ambiance Sounds to like get the full fantasy experience except it also makes me kind of sleepy

ofc like u can imagine both of these with People plural also. they are very flexible concepts in. my brain. there is a small department of braincells dedicated to Fantasies Of Being Used By Strangers

kicking my feet i havent thought that much about being Recognized by followers (mostly because i didnt think like. i have only now realized that thats a thing. that can happen now.???) but aaaa. the likeee. being pulled to the side by someone who Knows and being shown all my posts like. oh noo..... it would be a shame if everyone found out such a sweet innocent and soft-spoken person was actually a gross pervert?? ofc there is a way for this to stay a secret .....

hmhmhm i think also a fantasy of like... vaguely related to being recognized but. going Undercover to do nasty stuff with ppl from Internet... like secret identity but like. gross about it... and then bam its like the wig comes off and actually that Weird Internet Dog is actually chuu from (department i work in) that always says hello to everyone in the hallways ..... recognized ....

in like a horrible no good turn of events i think these are all just plots to doujins ive read and liked and now i gotta go like touch grass. i think. for my own good... the moral of the story... drink water...

[nightowlfury]

just gonna document some of the themes my brain latched onto in the thk playlist bc i have nothing better to do👍

i didnt listen to all the songs bc i dont like some of the mainstream pop stuff but i looked at most of the lyrics and this is what my brain's noticed at least. could be reading into things too much bc i love to do that but shrug. if it turns out to have relevance thatd b cool.

also i left out the betrayal/heartbreak/"love as a game" metaphor stuff bc like. that's pretty obvious and i don't care to focus on it lol. additionally, i found a few of the thai songs' translations, but others im not sure about so those aren't included obviously

Jealousy

Relevant lyrics:

That Thing You Do! by The Wonders

- "'cause it hurts me so just to see you go / around with someone new"

ขี้หึง by Silly Fools (translation)

the whole song basically, it's literally called 'jealous' - "smile at me, i'm just a little jealous, just waiting for love" - "and i don't distrust you, my heart's anxious if anyone looks at you" - "(i'm like this) i'm like this with love, but i might be too jealous" - "if anyone makes my heart unsure, would you feel jealous and envious too?"

Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA

- "i wasn't jealous before we met / now, every woman i see is a potential threat" - "don't go sharing your devotion"

Marriage [likely not thematically relevant]

Relevant lyrics:

Time to Pretend by MGMT

- "let's...find some models for wives" - "the models will have children, we'll get a divorce / we'll find some more models, everything must run its course"

You're Gonna Live Forever in Me by John Mayer

- "and when the pastor asks the pews / for reasons he can't marry you / i'll keep my word in my seat"

You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry

THIS SONG WAS USED IN THE PULP FICTION DANCE so i dont think its relevant outside of that anymore - "it was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well" - "and now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell" - "it was there where pierre was wedded to the lovely mademoiselle"

Escape/starting over

Relevant lyrics:

Time to Pretend by MGMT

- "i'll move to paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars" - "love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew"

California - Tchad Blake Mix by Phantom Planet

- "right back where we started from" - "we've been on the run, driving in the sun"

This Love by Maroon 5

- "whispered goodbye as she got on a plane / never to return again"

Island In The Sun by Weezer

- "we'll run away together / we'll spend some time forever / we'll never feel bad anymore"

Smooth (feat. Rob Thomas) by Santana

- "and if you say, 'this life ain't good enough' / i'd give you my world to lift you up / i could change my life to better suit your mood"

Agency/control (lack of)

Drive by Incubus

- "and i, i can't help but ask myself / how much i'll let the fear take the wheel and steer / it's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague / haunting mass appeal / but lately, i'm beginning to find that i / should be the one behind the wheel" - "so if i decide to waiver my / chance to be one of the hive"

Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve

- "i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down" - "no change, i can change, i can change, i can change / but i'm here in my mould, i am here in my mould" -> "i can't change my mould, no, no, no, no, no" - "i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah" - "(i just can't change my violence, melody, and violence...)" (? not 100% sure these are accurate lyrics, but i think they're right)

You Don't Own Me by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

this whole song pretty much - "you don't own me / i'm not just one of your many toys" - "and don't tell me what to do / don't tell me what to say" - "don't try to change me in any way" - "don't tie me down 'cause i'll never stay" - "i don't tell you what to say / i don't tell you what to do / so just let me be myself" - "i'm free and i love to be free / to live my life the way i want / to say and do whatever i please"

This Love by Maroon 5

- "the chaos that controlled my mind" - "and i have no choice, 'cause i won't say goodbye anymore"

Crazy by Aerosmith

- "that kinda loving turns a man to a slave"

Island In The Sun by Weezer

- "and it makes me feel so fine / i can't control my brain"

The past/memory

Relevant lyrics:

คนของเธอ by Maew Jirasak (translation)

- "you don't need to ask me about the past" - "but i have past mistakes" - "i don't want you to ask, it doesn't concern us / it's not a memory of us" - "we still can't return to yesterday, and we still don't know tomorrow" - "regardless of who you used to be or what has happened" - "there's no need to ask me about the past"

ยังไงก็รักเธอ by Chat Chaichat (translation)

- "screw the past, forget it, it's not worth remembering" - "don't get upset, screw whoever says anything, pretty soon you won't remember"

ขอบใจจริง ๆ by Y not 7 (translation)

- "in the end, we separated / and left behind only memories" - "make me remember my costly* lesson" (*translation said 'expensive', but i think this might be what's being implied)

Island In The Sun by Weezer

- "you don't need no memory / just a place to call your own"

Time to Pretend by MGMT

- "love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew"

Specific character connections:

Bison

he's the one i made the most connections to, maybe bc they're the most blatant or maybe bc i just am just bound to pay attention to him. the theme that i think connects to him most is agency/control. i also have a suspicion the jealousy theme is related to him as well, but there's not really any evidence of that as of yet.

with the agency and control, it's pretty clear already that this is one of bison's main struggles in life. he desperately wants to live his own life and feels pressure from both his brother and his mother, but also from his own nature/life circumstance ("mould"). i personally think Bitter Sweet Symphony in the playlist probably directly relates to bison based on the things i've noticed:

"the only road i've ever been down" -> references how bison's life is reduced to and has never strayed from its singular path/purpose (one which was forced on him and he didn't have the power to change)

"no change, i can change, i can change, i can change / but i'm here in my mould, i am here in my mould" -> references bison's struggles with wanting a new life (change) but not being able to achieve it, especially with regards to the fact that he's been 'moulded' into who he is. nevertheless, he believes in the possibility ("i can change")

"but i'm a million different people from one day to the next" -> maybe a bit of a stretch, but this line made me think about bison's interview, where he talks about trying "a hundred" different professions. the line fits well with the idea that bison has to constantly be "different people" in his er, line of work

"i can't change my mould" -> juxtaposition with earlier "i can change", indicating that while bison wants to change his life, he'll never be able to change where he comes from

"well, i've never prayed, but tonight i'm on my knees" -> heavy, heavy religious symbolism with bison which we have already seen oodles of, so it's not much of a stretch to connect this lyric to him. it's interesting to me though, because the line is "i've never prayed", while from the imagery we've seen it would imply that bison is (and has been) religious. i don't know if it's this deep, but maybe it's something like bison being raised religious but not fully believing it/having some sort of resentment of it. but im probably just reading into it too much there. interesting to think about though

"i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me" -> is it a stretch to connect this line to bison's penchant for pain play? probably but that's where my mind goes nevertheless

"but the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now" -> makes me think of kant's inevitable betrayal and how that's going to leave bison. but i dont think that's actually intentionally related, just my own thoughts

"(i just can't change my violence, melody, and violence)" -> well, "can't change my violence" is pretty obvious, because yeah, part of bison's struggle is that he can't change the violence he carries with him, even if he manages to change his life he can't change his past, his mould, his 'violence'

some of these lyrics could also apply to fadel, but i think his attitude about it is much different from bison's and this song paints a picture that fits bison's perspective much more — at least for the moment.

i think You Don't Own Me could also be related to bison, but i'm not sure if it's supposed to just be related to bison. but i'll focus on him for the moment. the whole song is about a lack of agency and control, which we know bison is frustrated by. the rejection of being controlled that's central to the song reminds me a lot of bison's rebellious attitude. what i'm not sure about is who the song might be implying is trying to control him — his mother, maybe? fadel? kant, even? all three of them? i'm interested to see how things develop with lilly (fadel + bison's mother), what their relationship actually looks like. so far i havent noticed anything particularly resentful in bison's attitude toward her, but then again she hasn't actually shown up in the show yet, and bison's been sort of dismissive when she's brought up (e.g. khun mae comment from kant). he seems to defer to fadel in terms of communication with her — he wants fadel to ask her for things on his behalf, so i have a feeling he's not got the best relationship with her.

i think Drive by Incubus could have elements relating to bison, because that song focuses a lot on agency. e.g. "i should be the one behind the wheel" could very well apply to him. however, i think the 'fear taking the wheel' thing doesn't necessarily fit him, so...

Kant

like...i don't really know why i first thought of kant when i heard Drive. maybe bc of the stills of him in his car or smth. but now my brain Associates the song with him — maybe it makes sense, maybe not, but here's my thoughts anyway

i honestly rly like the song bc of the 'driving' metaphor. it's about motivations, what's driving you. in this case, it's fear. i do think this is super relevant to kant. he also struggles with agency, in a similar way that bison does — his past ties him down. he's being used as a tool by someone with power over him. but for him, fear is a much more defining factor of this relationship. while bison might hold a bit of fear, it's not what's driving him.

kant is being driven by fear. specifically, fear of being taken away from his brother, who needs him. their parents are dead, babe doesn't have anyone else to lean on. the captain threatens kant with jail time if he doesn't cooperate, and that would ruin babe's life. so kant has to do what he says even if there's "technically" a choice

so one of kant's main struggles is the fear that 'takes the wheel and steers'. the line "it's driven me before" could relate to the past job(s) he was coerced into by the captain, or even perhaps something else in his past (can't help but wonder why he would steal that car initially — surely he's not the kind of person to do that without a reason?)

"but lately, i'm beginning to find that i / should be the one behind the wheel" -> perhaps this could connect to the inevitable change kant will go through, when somehow he decides that he can't work for the captain anymore, that he needs to be in charge of his own life. i don't pretend to know how that will play out, but it's a thought.

(also, didn't notice until just now but the line "i feel the fear of / uncertainty stinging clear" is rly cool given the name of kant's tattoo studio (inksting) and his back tattoo (beware my sting))

something that doesn't immediately connect to kant about this song in my mind are the lyrics that relate to mass opinion. but i'll get into that in a bit, i'll finish with my kant thoughts first.

there are songs about the past/relationships too that i think apply to kant, e.g. คนของเธอ by Maew Jirasak:

i think marriage is also related to kant but isnt necessarily a full theme from the playlist. kant specifically for obvious reasons (mystery wife listed on his info sheet). Time to Pretend mentions wives and even children and divorce, although i'm not entirely convinced that isn't a coincidence given the rest of the song is pretty applicable to other themes. additionally, You're Gonna Live Forever mentions a wedding, but i can't quite make sense of that one since it seems to imply a person is in love with someone who's actively getting married to someone else. but maybe im taking that too literally. You Never Can Tell is specifically about a wedding so i was suspicious, but i recently found out it was the song used in the pulp fiction dance they imitated in ep 2. so...idk. maybe kants wife was a typo. my one fear

- "you don't need to ask me about the past / you don't have to tell me who you used to be with / if i get careless and happen to ask you / you don't have to answer me" - "i don't want you to ask, it doesn't concern us / it's not a memory of us" - "regardless of who you used to be or what has happened / don't be worried, this is your someone"

i think this could relate to kant's past and his current (or future, i guess) relationship with bison. there's also ยังไงก็รักเธอ by Chat Chaichat which i think could perhaps relate to the same event/circumstance. my mind is sort of pinning these past/memory themes to kant specifially because of the unknowns, probably, but i do think his past is much more important than we know right now. so i suppose we'll see.

kant could connect to other songs too, e.g. You Don't Own Me with regards to the captain, but i'm less inclined to focus on those because i think they relate to other characters more. i don't have many specific things to say about it, but i will mention that i think the jealousy theme might relate to kant. im not quite sure how though (his wife showing back up???¿), so im just going to wait and see with that one.

Fadel

ok now, remember that thing about Drive having lyrics relating to mass opinion? in my mind, i think that might relate to fadel a little. we've already seen in just two episodes (but mainly this last one) that he is very conscious of public opinion and perception. he has to be, really, with his profession and everything, but he's much more concerned about it than carefree bison. that's why i think these lyrics might relate to him:

"it seems to have a vague / haunting mass appeal"

"so if i decide to waiver my / chance to be one of the hive"

"and it seems to be the way / that everyone else gets around"

in a way, fadel is somewhat driven by fear, like kant. i think he's less conscious of it, maybe, and it's coupled with other motivations, but fadel is afraid. of slipping up, of not being able to protect bison, of disappointing their mother maybe, etc. fadel's fear drives him to put extra effort into 'laying low' — we saw it when he scolded bison for wearing bright colors, and it's pretty obvious after the second episode: he's polite with strangers at the market, is frustrated when attention is drawn to him, etc. so i think public opinion is something that is very much at the forefront of fadel's mind, which is why this part of Drive reminds me of him.

the agency/control themes also apply to fadel bc of his shared situation with bison. i don't have much to say other than that, but it's interesting to me how central this theme is to the story as a whole.

i think the escape/starting over themes could relate to pretty much any/all of the characters, but bison and fadel specifically given their life situations. bison's more motivated to pursue that escape, but i think fadel very much craves it as well. and kant too, even, wants to escape his past, has done his best to do so but can't seem to fully succeed. i hope they all do eventually 💪

Dunk

dunk confuses me. i feel like i know the least about him, which is maybe true given we have some idea of the backstories of the three other characters. but dunk is like... an enigma to me. i have 0 clue what his past is like, so i can't necessarily connect him to these themes atm.

but it's interesting to me, because he very much seems like the odd one out in comparison to the other characters. from what we've seen so far, dunk has the most agency out of any of them. kant's being a bit deceptive/manipulative with him, sure, but he still willingly made the choice to pursue fadel for his own benefit, and could logically call the deal off at any point.

he works under his father at the auto shop, but we don't really know much about that. i suppose you might be able to connect that to the themes somewhat — his dad tells him not to listen to music, tries to exert this (light) form of control over him, and dunk takes no heed of it. he does what he wants. it juxtaposes fadel a lot, who holds himself back at every turn. dunk's using his prolific agency to taunt fadel, who has none. interesting flirtation strategy there. but it's very interesting.

that's the only theme here that i can imagine connecting to him at the moment — the same agency that's represented in the other characters, but flipped on its head. if bison, fadel, and kant represent a lack of agency, dunk represents an abundance of it. at least so far. which i do think will play a part in his er, wooing of fadel, who craves that agency even if he pretends not to.

we'll see. idk. atm dunk feels a lot more two-dimensional than the other characters so i hope he gets a little more development.

overall very intrigued by the themes in the playlist and how they (will) bleed through in the show. also curious about which songs are actually gonna be in the show diegetically/non-diegetically (though so far สุดสุดไปเลย and คิดอะไรอยู่ have been diegetic, so i expect we'll see more of that)

[munnchausenzip]

Hey I saw your tags under that tiktok of the person explaining the future of a trans kid going no-contact with their bigot dad, and you were wondering about unconditional love when someone takes on an actively harmful worldview like nazism.

I don’t know that real love is truly unconditional and I don’t know that it aught to be. Respect is a big component of love, and it goes both ways. As an extreme example: if you love someone but they continually harm you and show zero remorse for it, even after being told, that’s an abusive relationship and I think the only rational choice (for self-preservation) is to cut them out of your life… Can you do that and still love them? Maybe, but I don’t know; what would that even look like? (Of course it’s a little different and more complicated if the person acting badly is a dependent 👀.)

It sounds like someone in your life is heading down a dark path, but if they turned onto that path, they can turn off it too. People generally become problematic because of deep-seated fears/insecurities. I hope someone can help that person sort through their shit and see the light.

I wish you the best of luck.

hello! thank you so much for sending in this ask, this has given me a lot to think about.... (on top of. a Lot of other stuff lol but)

i'm having a lot of doubts about my own beliefs at the moment, following a confrontation that happened with an old friendgroup of mine. a lot of things that i felt previously sure in feel a lot more shaky now.

I'm not sure who to blame. I know there's probably no need to blame someone, but i feel like there Is and i feel like this post is too vague for anyone else to be able to weigh in their opinion but.

I have a deep desire to please others and that makes a lot of my beliefs very dependent on what others are saying about it. Very malleable. I am not immune to propaganda.

anyways all this goes to say that i hope i can sort this all out. I don't know if im of enough knowledge to be able to explain to my friends my perspective. I am pretty young in the grand scheme of things i think, and i just want to be doing the right thing.

i guess a lot of this comes from the. moral purity that is sort of expected in online leftist spaces. A lot of stuff happened during covid and. I don't really know.

those are my thoughts, then. i just hope that i can sort this all out. thank you

[neeko-system]

SIGNALIS SPOILERS AND WHATNOT~~

finished my second playthrough of signalis, was going for the artifact ending. then loaded my save and got the memory ending. such a good game aaaa

the memory ending made me cry, it was really heartwrenching when ariane said sorry i dont remember, i just crumpled. watching elster be so exhausted was a lot.

not really sure if i understand the artifact ending. i feel like either its really vague (on top of all the other vagueness) or if im missing something. it kind of feels like a burial of arianes memory? like elster dies and we see ariane thikning about her and elster dancing in the wrecked ship? i’m not sure. maybe someone could give me their interpretation of it?

i also found out that theres a difficulty setting and really wished i had set it to survival before my second playthrough. woulda been nice!!! I do have one more ending so i might play the game again but might also just watch it on youtube and play the game again some other time(gotta let it ruminate so i can go back in with different eyes), I wanna get all the achievements anyways.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

all in all i fucking love this game a lot. very rarely do i replay a game so soon after playing it for the first time. its really tragic i’ll never get to experience this game for the first time again, but, so it goes. its such a beautiful game i will be thinking about it for a longgggggggggggg time. ive been wanting to talk about it so badly for so long but none of my friends have played it yet kyaaa!!! >_<

its crazy to me that the game exists the way it does. the style, the mechanics, the story, the music, everything about it oozes so much passion and care and thought. very few games have made me want to stare at every part of it to figure out how they made it look the way it did (THE GAME IS SO STYLISTICALLY RICH LIKE HOIW DID THEY DO ALL THAT) and the game mechanics are so nice to my brain, everything is so tactile and clicky and inventory management and ammo management and horror stratgey and the flesh and rust and death and love and lesbians and robots and anime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

amazing game thank you rose engine, i hope they make more stuff because i really want to see it

edit:(thinking about the first time i played compared to the second. i was considerably less scared since i had a clue of waht was going on but the fear that i felt playing the first time was special to me. i really like games with stories about ‘time loops’ because the replay-ability is baked in in a cool way. especially with how the game throws information at you, viewing things again having experienced perspective shifts from information is really cool. seeing scenes again re-contextualized makes my brain go ^-^(hots quest ding sound) but going in completely blind and being afraid of everything (i especially remember being scared of the dream beach, i had literally no clue what to expect and it was nice) it all had a different flavor than the second time which is cool because i feel like i experience that kind of emotion change *with* elster. (girlie needs a FUCKING cuddle nap)

the way the game balances reality and the surreal i think is super neat. i love surrealist dream stuff a lot and i think that a video game is a super good medium for that kind of experiential stuff that really inspires me to wanna make video games. especially because then theres also this super nerdy sci fi stuff going on about robots and space regimes and magical tech(my favorite) and planetary systems and military systems and all that good shit. i similarly wanna get nerdy about stuff like military logistics while also telling a story about gay robots and girls that keep missing each other just barely in the space time continuum. i love that the game tells you a lot but also is vague and also says fuck you (affectionate) stop looking for answers and just feel it. it explains just the right amount to not feel esoteric while keeping enough vague to leave a lot up to interpretation/figure it out by playing it again/thinking about it. it plays with themes and reality and reoccuring symbolism and all that good shit that makes stories addicting to think about.) ((also one of the endings requiring beating the game once among other things that keep between playthroughs, yummyyy. games that know they are games/stories/worlds that are aware of themselves., thats good shit right there))

[operascreamer]

hiiii! I have a quick Q, sorry if it’s weird, but I’d like some advice; there’s a solo I want for my grades choirs next performance, and I think I have the notes and strength down, but im really struggling to put emotion into it. Do you have any tips to put emotion into singing? (Specifically longing/missing someone?) i feel like you’re probably the best person to ask, since as far as I know opera has a lot of emotion in it -Albert :)

Hello Albert!! I’m so glad you asked me this question!♥️ I will try to answer to the best of my abilities! And it is not weird to ask any questions ever!! I asked so many questions and I still ask questions all the time, so never fear!😄

I really struggled to sing with emotion too for a very long time so I definitely have experience with this! Something that I do that helps me is to listen to the song or piece of music I have and do a little bit of research on the song/how the song came to be or if the song is sang in a movie or show I try to read a little summary of the show to see what the context is. My favorite thing to do is to listen to the song and pretend I’m in a music video😅 it sound cheesy but it helps me soooooo much because it’s not boring to do and honestly it’s fun to do even if it’s a sad song.

You said that the song was about longing/missing someone and something that might help is if you don’t have someone to miss I like to think of situations or fond memories that I want to relive. I sometimes even think of a movie or TV show that had me shook and I think about events from it to get some emotion.

I also sometimes write a little monologue or a short story to the song that resonates to me, I have an example cause I just did this last week with a song I’m working on!

I started learning the song “I Remember” from Evening Primrose and it’s more musical theater than opera, because of that I was singing it pretty flat and emotionless but I decided to research the song a little and see what the context is and I was able to relate it to a situation that I have sort of gone through! What I wrote was very vague and more metaphorical but none the less I could finally get a sense of how I should feel singing the song and what emotions to convey as well!

Also don’t be afraid to sway or move around a bit while you sing as well, not only does that help you keep a stable core it also expresses emotion well👍🏾

I hope that this helped you a bit! (Sorry this was way longer than intended) I am always trying to learn how to be more present with my performances and helping others any way I can! Good luck on the solo🍀 you are going to do fantastic! Let me know how it goes if you want!!🥰♥️

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

hii sorry if this is too venty or depressing or whatever but i really need help

ive been in a qpr with my partner nagisa for like 3 months (weve been friends before that for a few years) and i love him so much ive never wanted anyone in my life more than him. but i am deathly afraid of being a bad partner, and i am even more afraid of him leaving me for someone else even though i know thats not realistic.

he asked one of our ex friends if he could complain to them about something in private and for the rest of the day i felt anxious and sick and guilty like i just killed someone. i cut this friend off mainly because i was so jealous and spiteful (didnt say that tho i feel guilty) (also he was a really shitty person and made me really uncomfortable but it was mainly cuz i was jealous)

whenever im not talking to him my brain shouts to me that im ignoring him and im a horrible cold monster who just has him as a battery to feed my sick desires or whatever the hell that thing tells me at night. whenever i talk to him too much my brain shouts that i look desperate and clingy and i am annoying him hes probably sleeping! but it hurts less than feeling cold. so thats why i try to text him as much as possible. it almost feels like a compulsion, that im not actually texting him because i care and im talking to him so i personally dont feel like shit (ok that made me feel awful to type out but Fuck whatever)

i am not a bad person i really love my partner ive never loved anyone more than him hes the only person i really connect with on a deep level anymore and i think we genuinely have some sort of spiritual bond because of how often we share the same emotions and think the same thoughts at the same time. but i dont really believe in spirituality shit so whatever

he actually has the same issue (but seems to have figured it out better than me) with me and my friend, and it actually made me hate myself so much i have stopped talking to that friend because i dont want him to feel any percent of what i do. when he isn’t there to talk to me i feel alone and abandonded and like my arms have been cut off and like im living without a 3rd dimension. i feel like a normal person when im with him. he is the only thing keeping me sane. i would drop all my friends if he wanted me to

whenever im not talking to him i feel like im neglecting a bird in a cage even though i know he doesn’t need me that much

whats funny is that i dont worry about being a bad person in any other aspect of my life i literally do not give a fuck whether im a bad person because i always justify everything i do in my mind and i cant find a single bad thing ive done. other than the intentionally bad shit i did, of course, i did that stuff to kinda.. give myself something to feel bad for and so i dont feel like im fully a perfect person? hard to put into words

so yeah i guess you get the point! i really need some sort of advice. ive told him this but not really the full extent behind it, just the jealousy and vague mentions of the fear of being bad. i am worried that my anxiety of being a bad partner is leading me to be a bad partner

damn... okay i don't know a lot about this but it sounds like you might be developing a codependency. you should definitely communicate all of this to your partner so you can work together to lessen your anxiety. you also should probably go to therapy but i don't know if that is accessible to you right now. i'm sorry i don't have much else to say but hopefully someone in the replies can also help

[zabala0z]

Oh my god. Okay hi. Welcome back to “New TMA listens to season 2” and guys holy shit I’m freaking out. I just listened to The New Door. So much is happening in 3 episodes and I gotta write it down oh my god. Guys. Guys.

MAG 44: tightrope

Gertrude Robinson!!!! She sounds so nice. Didn’t even realize there was a mention of this circus before until Jon said it. Gotta up my game. The guy who played the steam organ, Nikolai Deniken, was featured in Strange Music. Or his granddaughter was. I looked over the transcripts again; Gertrude mentioned that Deniken leaving in the 70’s made the circus tamer. Makes me wonder if the steam organ is essential for the circus . Also the circus of the other is such a metal name for a circus like okay damn.

I’m thinking the circus is gonna pop up again. New main villain??? Maybe??? Or maybe that cult that hadn’t appeared for a bit.

MAG 45: blood bag

Ewewew. It’s literally summer, the definition of mosquito season, why did I go through with this episode, I’m literally gagging. Anyways. Not many notes but the antiques dealer who bought that Victorian syringe off of Thompson is also from Lost and Found (MAG 38) and Piecemeal (MAG 14). Like all bro did was buy it and shit went off the rails. Wonder if he’s like cursed or something. Also small note for piecemeal: the guy who made the statement said after Mikaela Salesa left, Noriega was missing teeth, an eye and fingers. He may have had them before Salesa came but who knows. Salesa seems suspicious.

Also the description of the mosquitoes. Like. Eugh.

MAG 46: literary heights

Yooo Michael crew! He appeared in Pageturner as the childhood best friend who got his shit rocked by the lightning. He also apparently appeared in a boneturners tale when he returned a book. He seems like a book nerd now after his near death experience. That lightning figure that was chasing him at the end sounded like it was from the book but another thing: Michael was chanting that shit before y’know jumping out the window but he mentioned “The Vast”. I already vaguely know that name, along with a couple others. Like the fear entities or whatever?? I knew them before going in because Im into Hatchetfield and the lords in black got compared to them a couple times so I guess i didn’t go into this fully blind. More like 94% blind. I’m guessing The Vast is important though. We’ll see.

Finally the one I’m still freaking out over: MAG 47

Holy shit. If anyone saw my abrupt post, congrats. Anyone who didn’t: OH MY GOD MICHAEL APPEARANCE. The voice was so creepy, genuinely I’m freaked out. The whole premise of the episode was scary to me just because one of my fears generally is just being alone and having no one and just being lost so obviously, yeah. But also..god. Starting to doubt my assumption on how morally correct Michael.

Also SASHA. FAKE SASHA. She sounds completely different, thought it was fun they changed voice actors for this. I think fake Sasha has been rifling through Jons stuff. He’s been mentioning that someone has been going down in the tunnels and I think it’s fake Sasha.

Not many notes, I’m just freaking out. Couple things though: Michael said to Jon “do you even know they’re lying to you?”

Now they could either refer to fake Sasha as some gender neutral term since whatever replaced her is definitely not human and maybe doesn’t have a gender but I think more likely it’s referring to multiple people. Thing is, it could be anyone. I’m still suspicious about Elias, like he seems to know something no one does, jon had his rant about Tim and how Tim was here for practically no reason which is true and Martin is chill, I trust Martin. If Martin ends up like killing someone, I will die.

Just god. Michael is so creepy. It makes me wonder about its “domain”. It said it came to collect what is “mine.” The one who entered its domain. Is it like some underworld shit where you go in, you can’t come out? “The wanderer had a brief respite but it’s over now” like that’s just cruel.

Like I screamed when Michael said “did you notice which door she left through?” Like I full on got chills. Also “I am not a who, I’m a what, yada, yada” Okay pop off but you just stabbed a man wtf.

I have seen that infamous Michael line before in like fanart but god nothing compares to hearing the words actually coming from my phone while lying in bed when it’s pitch black outside. Props to the voice actor. Also that buzzing noise that happens in the background of fake Sasha and Michael disappearing when they leave? God it’s beautiful.

Anyways. Uh. Sorry for the long post but you guys gotta understand, I am literally going insane, I love this podcast so much. I got I think like 17 pages of notes/details from episodes to keep in mind like genuinely I am so invested. It like invigorates me. Fully.

Anyways, my only takeaway is bring back Sasha and Michael is terrifying