#my favorite is trail to oregon
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enobariasteeth · 1 year ago
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I always forget how good Starkid shows are until I listen to them again and go "DAMN!!!!"
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aliceisaperson · 3 months ago
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I would like to personally congratulate Jeff Blum on writing two musicals without working the word seed in there somehow. Truly impressive.
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footemoji · 4 months ago
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when i meet someone who likes starkid but they only know about the hatchetfield series
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impulsivedecisionsat3am · 7 months ago
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everyone shut up and watch my favorite part of trail to oregon
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irregularbillcipher · 8 months ago
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while i'm on the starkid train i wanna say that a lot of their older stuff has elements that either haven't aged well, even taking away the properties they're parodying being tainted, or just straight up have jokes that were shitty and edgy even for the time period of the late 2000's-early 2010's, so if anyone looks into their stuff from my posting please keep that in mind
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endercupid · 11 months ago
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My other poll is about to run out, so i present: Starkid poll‼️
12 is the max, so i pushed the series into one option sorry
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wonderlesch · 6 months ago
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Can’t Miss July 2024 Events
Welcome to the ultimate guide to the most exciting Can’t Miss July 2024 Events across the United States. If you are a music lover, beer enthusiast or a sci-if fan, this is your go to resource for planning your summer adventures. Read on to immerse yourself in the world of live music, craft beer, and the fantastical realm of science fiction. Without further ado, let’s dive into the most…
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hauntedvulcan · 5 months ago
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I'm honestly so glad to know I wasn't the only one who stuck fictional characters into the hunger games simulator and watched chaos befall
Hi tonight I decided to add like twenty inkheart characters to the hunger games sim for shits and giggles (old men were exempts) so here are some highlights I thought were funny.
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Pairing meggie with doria was apparently a very bad idea as she pursued to immediately bury him six feet underground on day one lmao.
She also kept shooting people and getting explosives from random sponsors, effectively getting the highest bodycount of five only to die of hypothermia on the last day.
Somehow roxane's death went past my radar and i haven't realised this until i skimmed thru everyone's cause of deaths and found out she was set on fire by none other than mo at the very beginning of the game 💀 apparently basta didn't take this very well and proceeded to track him down and kill him on day one. Avenge her, king!
Dustfinger attempted to climb a tree for no apparent reason only to fall from it and die. Sootbird did the EXACT same on the same day, of course not before he'd snapped the piper's neck. The art of seduction is not for the streets.
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Basta and firefox kept teaming up despite coming from different districts and jumping people. What did fenoglio mean by this?
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Unstoppable force (mother and son duo) meets immovable object (two redheads)
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A mother daughter bonding moment. Ignore cosimo and darius in the back.
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No commentary on this lol. Bro can't even aim.
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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 5 months ago
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Where Will All The Martyrs Go [Chapter 4: Read Between The Lines]
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Series summary: In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, both you and Aemond (and your respective travel companions) find yourselves headed for the West Coast. It’s the 2024 version of the Oregon Trail, but with less dysentery and more undead antagonists. Watch out for snakes! 😉🐍
Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, med school Aemond, character deaths, nature, drinking, smoking, drugs, Adventures With Aegon, pregnancy and childbirth, the U.S. Navy, road trip vibes, Jace is here unfortunately.
Series title is a lyric from: “Letterbomb” by Green Day.
Chapter title is a lyric from: “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” by Green Day.
Word count: 5.6k
💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜
Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist 🥰
It is your first week of basic training at Great Lakes on the north side of Chicago, and as you lie in the top bunk of your assigned bed you wonder what the hell you’ve done. You enlisted right out of high school, eighteen, no driver’s license, no work history, never been more than fifty miles outside of Soft Shell, Kentucky. The drill sergeants are always yelling and you’re bad at push-ups; you can’t understand the recruits from big cities like Los Angeles, Miami, Las Vegas, Detroit, Houston, and they don’t seem to get you either, and aren’t interested enough to try. Sometimes you wish you hadn’t signed that five-year contract, but where would you be if you weren’t here? Home is not words but textures, colors, fumes that still burn in your sinuses: cigarette ash on rose pink carpets, red embers glowing in the wood stove, Hamburger Helper and Mountain Dew, coffee creamer in Hungry Jack potatoes, laughter and heavy footsteps and slamming doors, scratch-off games, dogs barking, collecting coins from couch cushions for gas money, scrubbing clothes in the bathtub when the washer quits, Mama taking gulps from her favorite cup—plastic, Virginia Beach, filled with equal parts Hawaiian Punch and vodka—when she thinks no one is looking, blue shows flickering on the television, Family Feud, Maury, Good Morning America, WWE SmackDown. For as long as you can remember you’ve known you couldn’t stay. Now you’re getting out, but nothing in life is free.
You are at Class A Technical School in Gulfport, Mississippi, and even though it’s hotter than some noxious, volcanic hellscape—Mercury, Venus, Io—you are beginning to like it. You taste the salt of sweat when you lick your lips, sugar in the sweet tea they serve in the chow hall. There’s a magic in building something where there was only empty space before, in patching roofs and painting walls. Here being quiet and watchful is exactly what they want from you: head down, hammer striking nails, measurements and angles and long hours under the sun with no complaints. You’re not just running away anymore. You are creating something new.
You are sitting beneath swaying palm trees and a full moon on Diego Garcia, draining cans of Guinness with Rio, and he’s telling you things he shouldn’t, too personal, too honest: Sophie wants to try for a baby next time he’s home on leave, and part of him wants that too but he’s terrified. As thunder rumbles in the distance and raindrops begin to patter on the waves of the Indian Ocean, you tell Rio you think he’d be a good father. He wonders how you figure that, and you say because he’s not like any of the men from home. He gives you one of his crooked smiles—a flash of teeth, knowing dark eyes—and doesn’t ask what you mean.
But of course, when you swim up from the inky currents of sleep you are in none of these places. You are curled up on the floor of a bowling alley in Shenandoah, Ohio, cheap worn black carpet peppered with stars and swirls in neon green, pink, blue. You stretch out with a yawn. Someone has left a Lemon Tea Snapple within reach; you twist it open and guzzle it, hoping to extinguish the pounding in your skull, a rhythmic thudding of warm maroon, half Captain Morgan and half misery. The music isn’t helping. From the green Toshiba CD player, a man is singing in Spanish. Aegon and Rio are sitting at the nearest table and playing Uno.
Aegon says as he ponders his cards: “You know Enrique Iglesias, right Rio?”
“You are so racist.” Rio puts down a wild. “And the new color is red. Racist.”
“So what’s he saying?”
“Aegon, buddy, I told you, I was born here. My grandparents came over in the 60s. I don’t speak Spanish.”
“You can’t understand any of it?” Aegon is skeptical. He plays a skip, a reverse, and a seven. “My dad never taught me a word of Greek but I can recognize plenty of phrases. Vlákas means idiot. Spatáli chórou is a waste of space.”
Rio sighs, relenting. He puts down a two. “The song is called Súbeme La Radio, Turn Up The Radio For Me. Bring me the alcohol that numbs the pain… I don’t care about anything anymore…You’ve left me in the shadows…”
“Damn, now I’m sad. Draw four, bitch.”
“When the night comes and you don’t answer, I swear to you I’ll stay waiting at your door…” Rio studies his cards. “What’s the new color?”
“Green.”
“Yes!” Rio slams down a skip. “Fleeing from the past in every dawn, I can’t find any way to erase our history…”
Everyone else is awake already. As muted late-morning daylight streams in through the small tinted windows, Aemond is weaving between tables, pointedly checking on each person. He glances at you, says nothing, turns around and walks the other way.
“That’s tough,” Rio says sympathetically, popping open the tab on a can of Chef Boyardee and shoveling ravioli into his mouth with a plastic fork.
Aegon gives you a smirk. “You want to fake date now?”
“I’ll think about it.” No you won’t.
Helaena appears, a prairie girl vision in a modest blue sundress and with her hair tied back with a matching scarf. She reaches into her burlap messenger bag and offers you a choice between a ranch-flavored tuna pouch or a silvery pack of Pop-Tarts. “Strawberry,” she tells you.
“I’ll take the Pop-Tarts.”
Helaena gives them to you and then shakes a bottle of Advil. You’re so groggy it takes you a few seconds to figure out what she wants, then you obediently hold out a hand. Helaena lays two tablets in the center of your palm and moves on, soundlessly like a rabbit or a spider.
You wash the pills down with Snapple. As you nibble half-heartedly on a Pop-Tart—trying not to look at Aemond, multicolored sprinkles falling down onto the carpet—your eyes drift to the tattoo on the underside of Aegon’s forearm. It’s not over ‘til you’re underground. You’ve spotted it before. Only now do you remember where you recognize the lyric from. “Is that Green Day?”
“Yeah,” Aegon says, enthused that you noticed. “Letterbomb.”
“I love that whole album.”
“Me too. I could sing it front to back if you asked me to.”
“I’m not asking.”
Aegon cackles and resumes his Uno game with Rio. Baela is wearing denim shorts and a crop top, slathering her belly with Palmer’s cocoa butter from Walmart as she chats with Rhaena and eats Teddy Grahams. Daeron is waxing the string of his compound bow. Jace is gnawing on a Twizzler as he scrutinizes Aegon’s map, annotated with Xs and circles and arrows in sparkling gel pen green.
“I’m going to be a thousand years old by the time we get there,” Jace mutters.
Aegon hits the table with his fist. The discard pile collapses and cascades, an avalanche of Uno cards. Rio, undisturbed, continues contemplating his next move. “You know what, Jace? The cities are full of zombies, the interstates are blocked by fifty-car pileups, if we bump into anyone else who’s still alive they’re just as likely to rob and murder us as want to be friends, and on top of all that I’m trying to do you the favor of preventing you from getting so irradiated you turn into Spider-Man. If you have a better route in mind, I’d love to hear it.”
“Spider-Man…? You’re such a dumbass, what are you talking about?!”
Luke says from where he stands by a window: “Aemond, someone’s outside.”
“What?” Aemond stares at him. “Zombies?”
“No. People.”
Aemond bolts to the doors, the rest of you close behind him. Rhaena turns off the CD player. You, Rio, and Aegon squeeze together to peer out of one of the windows. There are men—three of them, no, four, all appearing to be in their forties—passing by on the main road through town. They are armed with what are either AR-15s or M16s, you can’t tell which.
Rio whistles. “If you get shot by one of those, the exit wound will be the size of an orange.” Everyone looks at him. This was not an encouraging thing to say.
You elaborate: “Thirty-round magazines. Semiautomatic, assuming they’re AR-15s for civilian use. I guess they could have gotten ahold of M16s somehow. Those have a fully automatic setting.”
“So regardless, we’re out-gunned,” Jace says.
“If they know how to use them. Some men think guns are wall decorations, like deer heads or fish.”
Aegon recoils. “Fish?! What the fuck. I’m glad the colonies left.”
“Maybe they’ll keep walking,” Daeron says hopefully. One of the men stops and points at the bowling alley, saying something to his companions. They laugh and begin crossing the small parking lot. They are less than two minutes from the door. “Oh, great…”
“There’s an emergency exit in the back,” Baela says.
Aegon snorts. “Yeah, that we stacked about twenty boxes of bowling pins in front of to zombie-proof.”
“We won’t be able to get out before they hear us,” Aemond says. Then he abruptly orders: “Grab your guns, let’s go. Helaena, Baela, Rhaena, you’re staying here.” Aemond’s remaining eye—briefly, reluctantly—skates over you as Rio, Aegon, Jace, Luke, and Daeron scatter to obey him. “You too.”
“But I’m the best shot.”
“I don’t want them to know we have women with us.”
“I’m of more use to you outside.”
Aemond rips his Glock out of its holster, pointing it at the floor. His frustration is palpable, an electric shock, heat that refracts light rays until they become mirages on the horizon. “You’re going to stay here, and if a stranger comes through those doors you’re going to kill them. Okay?”
His urgency stuns you; his eye is blue-white summer storm lightning. “Okay.”
“Now get back.”
You soar to the nearest table, duck under it, reach for your Beretta M9 and double-check the clip, fully loaded. You click off the safety.
“Aemond, wait, let me go first,” Aegon is saying by the door. “I’m better at de-escalation, I’m less…uh…intimidating.”
“Less socially incompetent, you mean,” Jace quips.
“I’ll lead,” Aemond insists. “Aegon can talk. Rio, you’re up front with me.”
Rio pumps his Remington 12 gauge. “I’d be delighted.”
Jace is amused. “I’ve been demoted, huh?”
“He’s bigger,” Aemond replies simply, then opens the door and vanishes through a blinding curtain of daylight. The others follow closely; Daeron, the last one out—his compound bow in hand, the strap of his Marlin .22 slung over his shoulder—shuts the door behind him.
Very faintly, you can hear Aegon: “Hey, guys! What’s happening? How’s the apocalypse treating you…?”
Baela, Rhaena, and Helaena are under the table with you. They deserve to have options. You tell them: “If you want to go hide behind the lanes or try to get out the back door, now’s your chance.”
Helaena shakes her head, clutching your t-shirt: black, Star Wars, pawed off a shelf at the Walmart. “I want to stay with you.”
“Same,” Baela says determinedly, gripping her Ruger. She barely knows how to use it, but she’ll try. Rhaena is shaking, her eyes filling up her face, small fragile bones like a bird’s.
You can’t hear voices from outside anymore, but there are no gunshots either. You keep your M9 aimed at the doors, your breathing slow and deep, your heart rate low. Your hands are steady. Your eyes hunt for the slightest movement, for the momentary shadow of someone passing by a window. Against your will, your thoughts wander to Aemond. I hope Aegon is on his left side. Aemond can’t see there.
“Rhaena, get your gun out,” Baela says sharply. “Come on. Turn the safety off. What if you were alone right now? What if we weren’t here to protect you?”
Rhaena nods, fumbling to free her revolver from its holster. “I’m sorry…I’m trying…”
Now there is a stranger’s voice, gruff and deep. He must be just beyond the door, the farthest one to the right. There is a creak of hinges, a sliver of sunlight. “That’s just too damn bad, fellas. You got a nice little hideout here, and you’re gonna have to share it—”
The door opens. Two unfamiliar faces, too shellshocked to raise their rifles in time. You close an eye, line up your sights, fire twice, and that’s all it takes: one headshot, one in the throat, blood like a fountain, spurting scarlet ruin, thuds against the carpet strewn with neon stars, gurgling and spasms as their brains send out those final electrical impulses: danger, catastrophe, apocalypse. Rhaena is screaming. Helaena is covering her ears with both hands.
You run to the doorway; there are more booms of gunfire out in the parking lot. You cross into the late-morning light to see the other two men on the pavement: one with an arrow through the eye, the other with a gaping, hemorrhaging hole where his heart once was. Rio is admiring his work, holding his shotgun aloft. He scoops a handful of Cheddar Whales out of his shorts pocket and shovels them into his mouth.
“Goddamn, I love Remington Arms Company.”
“Oh, that was awesome,” Aegon says, wan and panting, hands on his waist. “Yeah, that was…that was…” He bends over and vomits Snapple and Cool Ranch Doritos onto the asphalt.
“Everyone okay in there?” Rio asks you.
“Yeah.” Behind you, Baela, Rhaena, and Helaena are stepping through the doorway. Your thoughts are whirling sickly: I killed someone. I killed someone. “They wouldn’t leave?”
“We told them the bowling alley was ours,” Aemond says, not looking at you. “We asked them very politely to keep moving. They chose to try to intimidate us into letting them stay. They weren’t good people, and these are the consequences.”
You click on the safety and re-holster your M9. You’re wearing Rio’s on your other hip. They seem to weigh so much more than they did ten minutes ago. I’m not supposed to be a killer. I’m a builder.
“Aegon, are you okay?” Daeron asks, a palm on his brother’s back.
Aegon retches again. “Shut up. You can’t even buy fireworks.”
“Zombies.” Luke is peering through his binoculars. “Not many, just two. Way up the road.”
“There will be more.” Baela’s cradling her belly; you don’t even think she’s aware of it. “They heard the gunshots, the sound carries for miles.”
“We’re leaving,” Aemond says. “Right now. Everyone get your things.”
As backpacks are hastily zipped and Daeron and Aegon stand guard in the parking lot, you kneel down beside the men you murdered and check their rifles. They are M16s, either stolen or illegally purchased: there’s a little switch by the trigger to choose between semi-automatic or the so-called machine gun mode.
“They barely had any bullets left,” you tell Rio. Just like us when we were trapped on that transmission tower.
“Yeah, same story for the other two guys. Four bullets in one magazine, a half dozen in the other. But it only takes once. We don’t have any ammo that will work with M16s, do we?”
“No, we definitely don’t.”
“Fantastic. Well, we’ll throw them in a Walmart cart and take them with us just in case.”
You’re staring down at the man you shot through the head. His eternal resting place is a puddle of blood and brains in a bowling alley in rural Ohio; surely no one deserves that. “He was a real person,” you say, dazed. “Not a zombie. Just a person.”
“Hey.” Rio grabs your shoulders and spins you towards him. From where he is helping Luke gather up the remaining food, Aemond’s head snaps up to watch. “You hurt him before he could hurt us. You did the right thing.”
“Sure.”
“I killed a dude too. I blew his heart right out of his chest. You think I’m going to hell for that?”
“No,” you admit, smiling. “And if you’d be there with me, I guess I wouldn’t mind so much.”
Rio grins, wide and toothy. “Well alright then. Let’s finish packing.”
The ten of you depart from Shenandoah, Ohio heading northwest on Route 603 just like Aegon marked on his map, Jace chauffeuring Baela in one shopping cart, Rio pushing another loaded high with food and M16s.
“It looks like rain,” Helaena says.
Everyone else peers up into a clear, cerulean sky, wondering what she means.
~~~~~~~~~~
You’re a few miles north of Shiloh when the storm rolls in, cold rain and furious wind, daylight that vanishes behind dark churning thunderheads, jagged scars of lightning in an opaque sky. The road is only two lanes, surrounded by fields of wildflowers and ravaged crops and untilled earth; it would look like the patchwork of a quilt if you were gazing down from an airplane, but of course the FAA grounded all flights over a month ago when the world went mad: Revelations, Ragnarök, the fabric of the universe unweaving as death burned through families, cities, nations like a fever, like plague.
“Maybe we should cut across one of these fields,” Jace says, pointing. He is soaked with rain; it drips from his curls, runs into his eyes. Baela is in her cart again; each time she tries to get out and walk, she’s gasping and can’t keep up within half an hour. You’ve all taken turns pushing her, much to Baela’s dismay. She’d be humiliated if she wasn’t too exhausted to keep her eyes open.
“Here, let me do it,” you offer, and Jace gratefully relinquishes the cart. Baela gives you a frail wave of appreciation.
“We stay on the road,” Aemond insists, flinching as rain pelts his scarred face. “Farmhouses have driveways and mailboxes, we’ll pass one eventually. If we lose the road, we might not be able to find it again. We’ll end up wandering around in circles in the woods.”
“Just like the Blair Witch Project,” Aegon says glumly, his Sperry Bahama sneakers audibly soggy.
“There!” Luke announces, spotting something with his binoculars. “Up ahead on the left. Past the bridge.”
You can’t see what Luke does until there is an especially brilliant flash of lightning: a farmhouse, old but seemingly not derelict, and with a number of accompanying buildings, guest houses and stables and barns and towering silos.
“Home sweet home!” Rio says. “And I don’t care if I have to kill a hundred of those undead bastards to get in, it’s mine.”
“Well, hopefully not a hundred,” you reply, in better spirits now that a sanctuary has been found. Aemond keeps glancing back at you as you push Baela’s cart. If he wants to say something, he’s doing a good job of resisting the temptation. “We don’t have that much ammo.”
There is a concrete bridge over a river, probably unremarkable and only five or ten feet deep normally but now torrential with rain. Water rushes by beneath, a muddy incline on each side as the earth rises back up to meet the road. A reflective green sign proclaims that you are only two miles from Plymouth, which Aegon plans to skirt along the edges of. It’s a decent-sized town; he thinks you might be able to find a car to steal there, something with gas in the tank and keys on a hook just inside the house.
“I call the master bedroom,” Jace says craftily, rubbing his palms together. You’re near the center of the bridge now, another ten yards to go. “Nice big bed, warm cozy blankets, and I was up for half of last night keeping watch so tonight I am off duty, I am a free man, it’s going to just be me and my girl and eight glorious uninterrupted hours of sleep—”
Rhaena shrieks, and then you hear it over the noise of the storm, pounding rain and rumbling thunder: moans, growls, hisses like snakes. Not one zombie. A lot more than one. They’re crawling up from under the bridge, from the filthy quagmire at both ends. There was a hoard of them waiting, aimless, dormant, almost hibernating. But now they are awake. They are grasping for you with bony, dirt-covered claws. They are snapping with jaws that leak blood and pus and bile as their organs curdle to a putrid soup.
“Get off the bridge!” Aemond is shouting. He has his Glock in his right hand, a baseball bat in his left. He’ll shoot until he’s out of bullets, and then, and then…
Rio helps you get Baela out of the cart, then opens fire. His Remington doesn’t just pierce skulls, it vaporizes them. When he’s out of shells—there are more in his backpack, but no time to reload—he yanks the M16s out of the other Walmart cart and empties each of them, mowing down zombies as the rest of you scramble across the bridge. All around you are explosions of gunshots, thunder, lightning, zombie skulls crushed by bullets and blunt force trauma. Baela is firing her Ruger as you half-drag her, one arm hooked beneath hers and around her back. When the last M16 is empty, Rio starts clubbing zombies with the butt of it. You’ve all reached the north side of the bridge, except…
“Fuck off, you freaks!” Jace is screaming. They’ve backed him up against the guardrail, a swarm of ten or more. His Remington shotgun is out of ammo; he’s swinging it wildly, but he doesn’t even have enough room to maneuver. There are still more zombies emerging from under the bridge. You can hear them snarling and groaning. You swipe an M9 off your belt and put a bullet in the brain of a zombie as its fingers close around your ankle, then you start picking off the ones mobbing Jace. You aren’t fast enough. As they lean in to bite him, teeth gnashing at the delicious throbbing heat of his jugular, Jace throws himself over the barrier and into the surging water below.
“No!” Baela cries. She careens off the road and into the field, running parallel to the river as swiftly as she can. You are helping her, steadying her, firing at any zombies you have a clear line of sight on. The others are here too: slipping in the muck of the flooding earth, shouting for Jace. He surfaces through the frothing current, flails pitifully, disappears beneath the water again. You glimpse a white hand, a shadow of his dark hair, a kicking shoe. There are more zombies on the opposite side of the river, trailing after Jace, lurching and slobbering viscous, gory saliva. They cannot swim, but they can follow him until he washes ashore.
Jace bursts up through the waves, gasping. “Help! Aemond…Aemond, for the love of God, help me…” He blubbers and then is dragged under. Aemond and Luke are continuing frantically after him. Baela is hysterical, sobbing, trembling with adrenaline. Aegon is yowling as he swings at zombies with his bloodied golf club. Helaena is darting around almost invisibly, always cowering behind Daeron or Aegon or Rio.
You glance north towards the farmhouse, growing not closer but farther away. We can’t leave shelter. We can’t leave the road. You lock eyes with Rio. He’s thinking the same thing.
“Aemond, we have to go,” Rio says, but in the midst of the rain and the turmoil it barely registers.
“Jace, we’re coming to get you!” Aemond swears. The ground is increasingly sodden, deep, difficult to trudge through. Jace resurfaces, coughing and sputtering.
“Jace!” Aegon wails. He caves in the skull of a zombie who was once a registered nurse as Helaena crouches behind him. “Jace, I’m sorry! I’m gonna miss you, man!”
Jace splashes in the rising river, his arms flailing helplessly. He is being swept away far faster than any of you can move on foot. “Aegon, you dumb bitch!” Jace manages, then slips beneath the water and doesn’t reappear.
“Where is he?!” Baela is saying. “Aemond, where…?”
You are trying to soothe her, to bring her back to reality. She was always so pragmatic before; you have to wake her up. “Baela, listen, we can’t stay here, he would want you and the baby to be safe—”
“Aemond! Aemond, we have to go!” Rio catches him, wrenches him around, roars into his face as driving rain pummels them both: “We have to go, or we’re going to die here too!”
It hits Aemond all at once; he understands, horror and agony in his sole blue eye. “We have to go,” he agrees. And then louder, to everyone: “Get to the farmhouse!”
Baela collapses into the mud, howling, tears flooding down her face. “No, he’s still alive, he’s still alive, we can’t leave him!”
You and Rhaena are trying to haul Baela to her feet. Now Aemond is here, pulling you away from her—his fingers tight and urgent around your wrist—as he and Luke take your place. “Go,” he commands. “You run. Don’t wait for us. Rio?”
“I got her,” Rio replies, grabbing your free hand with an iron grip. Gales of wind rip at you; every millimeter of your skin is soaked with rain. As you flee across the fields towards the farmhouse, dozens of zombies pursue you. More are still staggering along the banks of the river, swept up in the hoards chasing Jace and the promise of his waterlogged corpse when it reaches its final destination. Daeron has run out of arrows and is shooting with his .22, which is very much not his preference. Aegon trips, getting covered in mud as he rolls, and Rio stops to help him. While he is distracted, you look back at Aemond. He, Luke, and Baela are moving quickly, but not quickly enough. A drove of zombies is closing in on them. You have a spare few seconds at last. You yank your backpack off, grab a box of ammo inside, and reload your M9.
“Chips?!” Rio calls over his shoulder.
“I’m fine.”
He knows you well enough to listen. The world goes quiet as your finger settles on the trigger. There’s a rhythm one slips into, an impassionate lethal efficiency. It’s easier to keep going than to stop and have to find it again. You fire over and over, dropping eight zombies. You sheath your M9 and whip Rio’s out of your other holster, the sights finding grotesque decaying faces illuminated by lightning. You pull the trigger: blood, bones, brains, corpses jerking and convulsing as they fall harmlessly to the mud. Aemond is here; when did he get here?
“I told you to run!” he’s shouting through the storm, furious. He’s shoving you towards the farmhouse. You resist him.
“Let me kill as many as I can—”
“Go! Now!” Aemond orders over the clashing thunder, and then sprints with you all the way to the front porch to make sure you listen. Everyone else is already there. Helaena has fetched a spare key from under the doormat and is turning it in the lock.
Daeron observes her anxiously. “We don’t know if it’s safe in there, Helaena.”
“Not in,” she says, insistent. “Through.” Through this building, and maybe through the next one too. The average zombie is not terribly clever. If they lose sight of you, without the benefit of the momentum of a hoard they are lost. Helaena opens the door. The living rush inside, and she locks it behind you. As you are bursting out the back door, you can hear zombies pounding their rotting palms against the front one. You soar through a stable full of dead horses and donkeys, leaving the doors open; this should keep the zombies distracted if they make it this far. Then you race to the farthest guest house. Luke, swiveling with his binoculars, spies no zombies approaching as you steal inside. There is no spare key this time; Rio punches out a first-floor window for you to climb through. Once everyone is inside, he and Aegon move a bookshelf to cover the opening.
You all stand in the living room, gasping and shivering, dripping rain down onto the rug and the hardwood floor. The air is dusty but clean of any trace of vile, swampy decay. Outside, thunder booms and lightning flashes bright enough to illuminate the lightless house. The sky is so dark it might as well be nightfall. Baela sinks to her knees, clamping both hands over her mouth so she won’t sob loudly enough for a zombie to hear. Rhaena and Luke are beside her, both weeping quiet rivulets of tears, trying to comfort her in whispers. Helaena is rummaging around searching for candles; she has already taken a lighter out of her soaked burlap messenger bag.
“Daeron, bro, come over here,” Aegon chokes out. He embraces Daeron, clutches him tightly and desperately, doesn’t let go. Rio is reloading his Remington 12 gauge.
Jace is dead. Jace is dead.
Aemond says to you, his voice low but seething: “What the fuck was that?”
You blink the raindrops out of your eyes as you stare at him, bewildered. “You needed help.”
“I told you to run.”
“I’m an asset, I have skills that can keep you alive, why am I here if I’m not going to be useful—?”
“You’re not in the fucking Navy anymore!” he hisses. “When I tell you to run, you run, you don’t stop, you don’t look back, because I can’t worry about you and take care of everyone else.”
“Nobody asked you to worry about me.”
“But I do.”
“Aemond,” Aegon pleads, waving him over. Aegon’s plump sunburned cheeks are glistening with rain and tears. “Man, it doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters now. Please come here.”
“I’m going to clear the house,” Aemond says instead.
Rio raises an eyebrow at you—this is one fucked up guy, Chips—and then pumps his shotgun. “Me too.” He sweeps with Aemond through the main floor and then vanishes up the staircase.
Helaena is lightning candles she found in the kitchen and arranging them around the living room. Daeron starts gathering food from the pantry. Rhaena and Baela are murmuring to each other softly, mournfully. It doesn’t feel like something you should intrude on. Luke is peeking out of a window with his binoculars, vigilant for threats. Aegon sniffles, wanders over to you with large, sad, shimmering eyes, pats your shoulder awkwardly.
“Hey, Chocolate Chip. You doing okay?”
“No,” you answer honestly.
“Yeah. Me either.” Then he flops down on the hideous burnt orange couch and lies there motionless until Daeron brings him a can of Dr. Pepper. Aegon pops the tab, slurps up foam, and then begins singing to himself very quietly, a song so old you can remember your grandfather saying it was one of his favorites as a boy: A Tombstone Every Mile.
When Rio comes back downstairs—heavy footsteps, he can’t help that—you meet him at the bottom of the steps. “The house is good,” Rio says. “And Aemond’s in the big bedroom on the right if you’d like to go up there and talk to him.”
“I don’t think he wants to see me right now.”
“I could not disagree more,” Rio says with a miserable, exhausted smile. Then he goes to the couch to check on Aegon.
You pick up one of the flickering candles, white and scentless, and ascend the staircase. You find Aemond in the master bedroom, the same accommodations that Jace laid claim to when he was still alive. He is sitting at the edge of the bed and staring at the wall, at nothing. Tentatively, you sit down beside him, placing the candle on the nightstand.
“Aemond…what happened to Jace…it wasn’t your fault.”
“Criston said I was in charge, that’s the very last thing he told me. They might be the last words I ever hear from him, and I just…” His voice breaks; he wipes the rain and tears from his face with open palms. “I really wanted to get everyone home.”
“I’m so sorry about what I said at the bowling alley,” you confess, like it’s a dire secret. “I don’t want to fight with you, Aemond, I…I want to help you. I can see what you’ve done for everyone here, me and Rio included, and I believe in you. I want to be a part of this.”
He nods, an acceptance of peace, but he still doesn’t look at you.
“Can we start over? I’ll never bring it up again, okay? I wasn’t trying to guilt you or upset you or anything. I should have just dropped it. I overreacted. And I understand why being with someone like me maybe wouldn’t be…super appealing.”
“It’s not about that.”
“Then what’s it about?”
Aemond wrings his hands, shakes his head, at last turns to you, golden candlelight reflected in his eye, his scar cloaked in shadows. His words are hushed, clandestine, soft powerless surrender. “I’m already so afraid of losing you.”
He cares, he hopes, he wants me too? “I’m here right now, Aemond. I don’t know what else I can say. I’d promise you more if I could.”
He reaches out to touch you, to ghost his thumb across your cheekbone, wet with rain. Then he kisses you, so gently you cannot help but imagine the wispy borders of calm white summer clouds, the rustle of leaves as wind blows down the Appalachian Mountains. You don’t have to ask him what he’s thinking, what it feels like. You can read it in the startled, firelit wonder on his face.
You taste like the beginning of something, here at the end of the world.
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enobariasteeth · 1 year ago
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I FORGOT HOW GOOD HOLY MUSICAL B@MAN IS
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mylittleredgirl · 5 months ago
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i just made a number munchers reference in a finance meeting and nobody got it because i’m the only one in the elementary school classroom computer generation, so i’m coming to the sweet embrace of tumblr to discuss a very important question:
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alikandhoney · 5 months ago
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I do wish we still talked about like— starship or twisted. Don’t get me wrong I’ve started to enjoy some of the hatchet field stuff (my partner really likes nerdy purdes and guy who didn’t like musicals so I’ve been pulled in that far) but damn… I still think about those old shows a lot.
you used to be able to go in the starkid tag and see posts about things other than hatchetfield
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asifyoudidntknow · 8 months ago
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All Time Favs
I began reading fanfic in my teens during the original run of the show. There were lonnng breaks from it, but coming back to the fandom in 2017 reignited my interest. I now keep a spreadsheet as well as a "to read" list. I already have almost 600 logged (not including 5 years), so I wanted to share my top favorites. Divided into my 4 favorite genres (AU, casefic, angst + romance, and smut + romance) and in no particular order...
*Alternate Universe*
I used to wonder why someone would choose to read AU. Then I read one of these and was completely blown away.
Katherine of Ireland by Jenna Tooms (gossamer)
Katherine, princess of Ireland is married to Walter, king of Angora. When Walter is killed during battle, Katherine is taken by the enemy, FitzJames. William is FitzJames right hand. When FitzJames orders her to be beaten (even after discovering her pregnancy) William devises a plan to save her, heal her and get her back to Ireland. Will William always be seen as the enemy or will Katherine come to see him for who he truly is?
By the dim and flaring lamps by @sunflowerseedsandscience (ao3)
Civil war AU’s are my jam and this was one of the first ones I read.  When Mulder discovers (disguised boy) Scully bathing in a waterfall by darkness and realizes what he is dealing with will remain etched in my brain forever.
In darkness by DKSculder (ao3)
What if Scully was married to Daniel?  What if Daniel was a serial killer?  What if Mulder was a VCU agent still?   This is an unfinished work, but the idea is unlike any other I’ve come across.
Blinded by the white light by DashaK (ao3)
Need I say more?  When Mulder and Scully find each other after colonization, will they remember each other and will they act on it?
The second side of light by @scapegrace74-blog (ao3)
Oregon Trail.  Mulder is leading scully and Melissa across the trail when Melissa dies.  They end up getting very close to one another on the journey.
Paracelsus by profuckslove (ao3)
Another amazing civil war AU.  When Mulder goes looking for his lost son and comes across a pregnant scully what will happen to them?
Hiareth by profuckslove (gossamer)
Wales 1215.  Scully escapes the king by marrying Mulder, the prince of wales.  Marriage leads to love and fighting off dangerous men.
Paracosm by @softnow (ao3)
This is an unfinished work.�� College AU.  Mulder has a crush on the library girl, will she return his advances?
A companion unobtrusive by @slippinmickeys (ao3)
A college AU where scully is looking for a roommate and Mulder is looking for a room.  Melissa introduces them and the rest is history.
Qui Si by Trixie (gossamer)
After accepting an offer from a gypsy to go back to a life with Samantha in it, Mulder, a child psychologist, helps Scully, a PhD, get over her past.
You he did not fail by extraordinarily_ordinary (ao3)
Scully abruptly leaves TXF after surviving cancer and moves to LA to start anew.  She is dating when Mulder is assigned as a profiler to a case she is working and they have to deal with things left undealt with.
Five years and a lifetime by @monikafilefan (ao3)
Mulder is a Peds psychiatrist. Scully is a Peds neurologist. They meet at a conference and have a one night stand.  What happens when they come to work together 5 years later and Scully is a single mom?
Amish country by lolabeegood (gossamer)
Mulder and Scully go undercover in Amish country trying to catch a serial rapist while navigating very traditional values and roles.
You and me by lolabeegood (gossamer)
Mulder leaves his wealthy parents to serve under Scully’s father in the military.  In order for her to stay safe, fed, and clothed she needs to marry.
The mountain man by aka Jake (gossamer)
Scully is sent from nyc (where she was becoming a doctor) to Montana at her father’s wishes.  He wants her to marry a lieutenant under his command and not practice medicine, but she becomes intrigued with a local mountain man.
The countess/the earl by @slippinmickeys (ao3)
When scully is to be married to an old duke in order to save her family from financial ruin, a strange, alluring earl steps in to save her.
*Case*
There is nothing quite like a casefic. It's classic x-files and I am here for it. Writers in this fandom are so talented with their abilities to create a fic that rivals/trumps actual episodes.
Perchitor by @aloysiavirgata (ao3)
A little girl goes missing in the mountains with the superstition of Jenny Greenteeth to blame.  Mulder and Scully investigate while navigating a new physical relationship.
Omens by @lepus-arcticus (ao3)
I read this one as a WIP and was anxiously checking for an update every night.  There were several lines in this fic that made me gasp.  Cancer arc angst. Give me it alllll.
XII by fragilevixen (ao3)
A killer that romanticizes every victim.  His next target?  Guess who.  *coughSCULLYcough*
Hearts desire by malibusunset (ao3)
While in a small town scully runs into an old BF and starts wondering why she doesn’t prioritize her dating.  She decides to go for it.  The author makes me like Scully’s old flame.  That says something.  When the MSR convo finally does come, I thought I’d die from the slow burn.
Resurgam by opheila_interrupted (ao3)
One of the most xfiles like cases I have ever read.  Remains unsolved at the end and has our agents investigating ghosts near Mulder’s hometown while dealing with their own (Emily & Teena).
Universal invariants/laws of motion by @syntax6
Scully is engaged to Ethan throughout the first season while her and Mulder’s relationship is deepening and then consummated right before she is abducted.  How do two guys in love handle Scully’s abduction and what happens when she is returned?  
All the way home/head over heels by @syntax6
Mulder is pulled into a past unsolved VCU case of a killer with a shoe fetish while navigating a new physical relationship with scully.  When scully is targeted, Mulder has to gamble with his personal feelings while working to find the killer.
Queens gambit by Suzanne Schramm (gossamer)
Under Kersh, Mulder and Scully are assigned to a VCU case Mulder worked in Utah in 89’.  The killer was put to death and then revenge began.  Local mines and children involved.
*angst + romance*
This is my crux. Angst in any way, shape, or form. Add in some slow burn/ust and finally the rst *chefs kiss* particularly fond of Ethan fics and cancer arc.
Contact high by penumbra (gossamer)
Still feeling the residual effects of the spores post field trip, our agents try out Mulder’s new waterbed.
Early on by @sunflowerseedsandscience (ao3)
10 vignettes set during season 1.  Our baby agents are becoming close, but Ethan is still around.  How does scully navigate her relationship with Ethan while working with Mulder?
Center Mass by @kateyes224 (ao3)
Another Ethan fic set in season 1.  Mulder and Scully make an effort to get to know one another… in more ways than one.  And when Mulder gets aroused at Scully’s marksmanship it’s all over for me. 
One blue line by sarie_fairy (ao3)
IVF arc.  Scully is defeated by a negative pregnancy test.  When Mulder tries to comfort her, she suggests having sex.  I just remember wondering if I was reading or actually doing the act myself considering how detailed it was.
Salt by anjou (gossamer)
I remember reading this and being like WTF is happening to only have it all make sense at the end leaving me speechless.
Triptych by @iconicscullyoutfits (ao3)
My favorite FTF, post bee, how the f*ck did they get out of anarctica fic.
Snowbound by malibusunset (gossamer)
After missing their flight and being snowed in their rental on the side of the road, discussions lead to their relationship.  Once they’re recused they are put up in an inn with 1 room.  Dun, dun, dunnnn.
The ache by @storybycorey (ao3)
1999 Mulder has a visit with 2015 Mulder to urge him to get help with his depression and not lose scully.
Love bites by living_underground (ao3)
A review of vampirism cases throughout the years.  Hickeys from Ed.  Love bites from Mulder.
Goshen by bonetree (ao3)
Mulder and Scully are in a car accident where their car can’t be seen.  Major injuries lead to near death experiences and visions of Emily.
All that our senses can perceive by wonderland (ao3)
Mulder’s POV looking over Scully’s transformation from girl to woman and how all of his senses perceive her.
Caught in the Act I by parrotfish (gossamer)
Although the whole series is amazing, the first part is my favorite.  I love when scully lays into the review panel about being sexist.
The things she carries by @edierone (ao3)
One of my favorite cancer arc fics.  When Mulder confronts Scully 3 years later on the porch I literally stopped breathing.
Red valerian series by dashakay (ao3)
Scully looks to skinner for comfort during a grueling case, starting a 6 month affair.  Will scully ever love him or will the buried truth prevail?
Sex and Loathing by malibusunset (ao3)
Scully takes a drunk Mulder home after Roche.  He makes a move and they have terrible sex.  After 2 years of poking at each other they face things head on after Mulder almost dies in PBV.
Snakebitten by @onpaperfirst (ao3)
Set throughout season 5.  My favorite season. Say no more.
Five years and one night by Shalimar (gossamer)
When Scully transfers to LA and Mulder finds more babies like Emily, can they work together again to get to the bottom of this conspiracy?
The letter by Shalimar (gossamer)
Post TFWID, scully goes searching for more clues to her and Mulder’s past lives when she comes across a letter in a local Apison museum she sent to Mulder.
*smut + romance*
It's hard to have just smut when it comes to MSR, am I right? these two idiots are so in love that my smut category must also be romantic.
Undercover swing by 2momsmakearight (ao3)
What if Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple interested in swinging?  Can they both keep their jealously in check?  
Be kind, rewind by OnlyTheInevitable (ao3)
To help catch a suspect, skinner requests our agents watch porn together.  While watching, conversation leads to critiques about the performance and comments about personal preferences.
Girl 77 by mojo
A stripper is found dead with Mulder’s card on her.  She looks exactly like Scully.  Scully notices and confronts Mulder about it.
Dropped call series by @phillippadgettwrites (ao3)
Phone sex, but make it “not them”
December 31, 1984 by @phillippadgettwrites (ao3)
When Mulder saves an unimpressed scully from some jerk on NYE, they end up at her apartment having a one night stand.
Damsels by @sisterspooky1013 (ao3)
Scully is sent undercover as a stripper to find a missing woman.  Mulder is kept in the dark regarding her case, but pieces together where she is and what she’s doing and sets out to find her.
The Shirt by Audrey Roget (gossamer)
Skinner reconciles with Sharon leading to a vow renewal celebration. Skinner asks mulder and Scully to stand with him as his best agents. After slow dancing together, mulder bolts out of the celebration before scully catches the bridal bouquet and he crosses a line. When they end up in an accident while driving in a storm, things come to a head in an Elvis inspired motel suite out in the middle of nowhere PA.
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gone-to-oregone · 5 days ago
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stoutguts · 18 days ago
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I am such a firm believer, that if Soap and Ghost are an item/boyfriends/husbands,—then Gaz is Soap’s bsf, while Roach is Ghost’s bsf. While, Roach and Gaz would be together, (at least in my mind, I love GazRoach).
Soap and Gaz are incredibly chaotic together and get into all kinds of trouble. Motherfuckers cannot take ANYTHING seriously. Drinking and smoking together, (often getting wasted or as high as a kite, which often leads to more shenanigans). Doing drinking games or showing off smoking tricks to each other. Starting shit with random people just cause they can, Kyle joining Johnny at the demolitions site and in blowing random stuff up around base, pulling moronic or downright despicable pranks on everyone on base just for laughs, or messing around at the range, making their own crude targets to shoot or knife. Maybe even a bit of vandalism, arson, or other stupid stuff when the two are off-duty together,—but don’t tell Price that. They especially like to prank Roach and Ghost and get under their skins. Price often separates them on missions, because he’s afraid that they’re going to royally fuck things up somehow, if they’re together. Constantly sending each other memes they think the other would find funny. Or brainrotted, almost incoherent conversations over text at 3 in the morning. Sending each other dumbass voice messages or notes of them screaming, singing, or doing impressions/horrible attempts at voice acting. They also like to dunk on and make fun of the other members of the 1-4-1, or gossip about them to each other. They just love to talk shit. They both always need to know latest scoop or bout of drama on base. Both have ADHD, and are constantly in need some form of stimulation. So, when hanging out in person (and when they’re not getting up to nefarious activities)—They’re listening to music (hard rock and metal or alternative rock (like Korn, Slipknot, Muse, Radiohead, System of a Down, etc) often times, but they also both love pop (particularly Britney Spears, Kesha, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry),—while also watching YouTube, (random video essays they find interesting or entertaining, old YouTube poops, or Moist Cr1TiKaL/penguinz0/Charlie’s videos),—while also showing each other memes on their phones, while Soap also may or may not be drawing, while Gaz also may or may not be writing, while also buying random shit they think is funny off of Amazon.
Ghost and Roach are just the types to play cards together, or maybe watch a movie, or play a board game. (They particularly like watching horror/thriller movies or rom-coms. They like Candy Land, Monopoly, Battleship, Life, and Clue in terms of board games. While, they’re favorite card games are Slapjack, Poker, and Go Fish. They also like playing Chess, Checkers, The Oregon Trail, Exploding Kittens, or Cards Against Humanity from time to time). (Both are extremely competitive, and will often get into petty fights, whether it’s a case of one or the other being a sore loser, or one accusing the other of cheating). Maybe even going out to a local Tesco’s together for a snack run or some fast food drive thru at 1am, or they’ll have a day at the mall, mostly window shopping around random stores or getting something to eat at the food court. (Both are heavily food motivated). Something low-key or chill is really always their go-to. The occasional sleepover. They love to do each other’s nails or hair, or attempt random makeup looks they’ve found on Instagram or something for shits and giggles. They’re also gaming buddies. They’ll play stuff like Minecraft, GTA, Sea of Thieves, Left 4 Dead, Team Fortress 2, (some of Gary’s favorite games). Or they’ll play DND, Overwatch, or some first-person shooter game together (much to Simon’s delight). Roach will even just watch Ghost play rhythm games like Project Diva, Guitar Hero, or Geometry Dash—Or dark fantasy RPG games (Simon’s favorite genre of video games), like Dark Souls, Bloodborne, Skyrim, Elden Ring, or The Witcher. Lots of deep conversations, either over text or in person that’ll last for hours, (might end in one or the both of them crying, and hugging it out/comforting one another). They also often call each other just to check in, and just to hear each other’s voices when they’re apart or when they’re not together. Roach being like the only person Ghost feels comfortable opening up to, besides Johnny or Gary just being the person he’s closest to outside of it’s partner. To be fair, they bond by just being in each other’s presence/they just enjoy each other’s company. No words need to be spoken between them for them to have a good time.
It’s the best though when all 5 of them get together, (Soap, Ghost, Roach, Gaz, and Yuri), as it’s the perfect amount of chill and chaotic at the same time. Super Smash Bros, Mariokart, or Mario Party is always best with five players, after all.
Yuri being aroace, and his friends are all that he needs. He’s able to handle both the chaos and peace. Though Nikolai is his true best friend. The two going way back, and are brothers in arms through and through. Having met when Nik was still in the army. A good portion of it is that they’re bonded through shared trauma. They have a father and son sort of relationship (Nikolai being much older than Yuri), and care about each other deeply. In fact, they’d die for each other, they’re that close. They mostly keep in touch via text and phone calls (not by choice), but will meet up together at a bar or tavern every now and then.
Price and Laswell being best friends and also going way back, like before they even joined the army/CIA. Having met each other in high school. Price, Nik, Laswell, and her wife having dinner parties. Chatting about old times and catching up with one another every so often. They try to call to see how the others doing every now and then, though they much prefer seeing each other in person. Sometimes they’ll even go mini-golfing or bowling together as a double date kind of thing.
Also, Yuri is such a slept-on character. People forget about him/that he exists, and I wish he was appreciated more. :(
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owchie-wowchie · 1 month ago
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