#my fav AHAH how could i forget

[anonymous-force]

it's too dangerous to go alone. take one

[somerandomcockroach]

TUMBLR STOP CUTTING ME OUT OF SCREAMING TAGS I KNOW MY TUMBLR RIGHTS

#Swerve and Jazz were working before. Not in a right way but they DID #No one knew it wasn't the same agsgsghah #And now they meet hello ahsvehwb #OH PLEASE

My hands are shaky and my head is refusing to work properly! But! I made it!

The Blurr chapter for Mecha au >:D

Blurr's job is not to fight for humanity.

Blurr's job is to smile for the camera and take the applause of people who praise him for his bravery and sacrifice. Blurr's job is to sell his face, his voice and his skills to millions of viewers. He must impress investors, show off advanced technology and make a determined face saying that to save mankind he is ready for anything. And then get in a luxury car and drive off to some expensive place to burn a whole bunch of zeros out of his paycheck.

He's not someone who stays after work to help his coworkers. And he's not the one who spends his nights trying to save as many people as possible. He signs autographs, makes big statements, and promises people he'll protect them.

And people believe him.

And they love him.

Swerve is sick of this spectacle. Swerve is sick of this man.

Under the cut

————————————

Nobody likes Blurr.

Okay, if you think on a large scale, everyone loooves Blurr. His face is on every poster, his brand is in every possible store, his voice and is in every cool commercial. You literally can't exist without knowing who Blurr is, or at least seeing his face once. It's a “Luke I'm your father” level phenomenon. How massive a rock do you have to live under to miss something like that?

Everybody loves Blurr. You can go buy a t-shirt with his face on it. You can go listen to his interviews or purchase a tiny replica of his action figure. There are incredibly many ways a Blurr fan can blow a hole in their budget.

Swerve knows, because he's done it many times. And recently, it's stopped being something he's proud of. To be precise, it was exactly four days ago when Blurr first stepped into his office. Swerve had just finished his shift and was finishing his tea when his boss suddenly appeared in the doorway, with the best racer in the world right behind him.

The tea was instantly dropped, adrenaline was released, and the brain was turned off.

In that moment, Swerve thought that this is what it must look like. The moment when all your good karma comes together in one pile to reward you for all the times you dropped a sandwich butter side down or missed a deadline.

Both of which happened with annoying regularity. Swerve is unlucky. Sometimes things seem to fall through his hands.

It started out great.

Swindle, their boss, showed up in the office space one day looking simultaneously jubilant, nervous, and very inspired. Usually on such occasions, Swerve could almost see the dollar signs reflected in his boss's glasses.

“Attention everyone. We have an important guest arriving in an hour.”

Swindle expressively pushed his glasses down on his nose and looked around the room

“I promised him a tour and I expect you all to behave yourselves.”

He meticulously looks around the floor beneath his feet

“Send someone to clean up all the trash. This place is unbelievably filthy. The floors should be sparkling in twenty minutes! And, oh! Hey you, go buy some good drinks.”

Having finished inspecting the floor Swindle hurriedly runs off, probably to say the same thing to the neighboring department.

Swerve stretches his neck out curiously, listening in

“Is the president coming to see us?”

Walking by, Jazz shrugs

“When the president was coming Swindle said the floor was dirty and made him wear boot covers.”

It's not the president

Swindle gestures generously to the entire office at once and looks overall like a bird trying his best to primp up

“And here we have the engineering department offices. In the next building is the assembly plant, that's where the mechs are put on their feet so to speak. And this is where all the computing, design, and planning happens.”

Just over his shoulder stands and looks around at none other than

Oh, dear God.

Swerve's tea flies to the floor next to his thought processes.

He's seen Blurr countless times, but never in person. How can this guy look as good in person as he does in expensive retouched-until-squeaky-clean photos? Mystery.

Blurr's gaze slides lazily over the simple office setting and for those two seconds when it's directed at Swerve it feels like sheer madness. He tries to look normal. He's not sure he's succeeding, but he's making an effort.

Swindle waltzes through the office, heading for the next door

“Come on I'll show you the mech hangar.”

Blurr grins.

“A highlight of the show I suppose~”

His voice is like a needle bursting a ball of stunned silence. People begin to rise from their seats and scramble to say hello. Someone asks for an autograph, others ask for a bunch of selfies, a couple people in the corner hastily fix their hair, one of the employees just pulls out his phone and shamelessly starts filming.

Swindle looks at the this with an unchanging commercial smile, but his gaze promises all kinds of punishment.

Perhaps if it had been the president, the buffoonery would have been smaller.

______________

For the next few days, Blurr is the big news and the center of all discussion.

Officially? He's becoming one of the pilots in the Mecha program.

In fact? Swindle's greedy soul couldn't get enough of the idea that the Mech concept could be monetized.

The dust is blown off Blurr and his boots are licked. He doesn't go to general training, he doesn't participate in ordinary or overly dangerous missions. He's allowed everything and a little more. His job is to look pretty on camera, speak his lines, smile and wink. He's a walking advertisement and Swindle's incredibly powerful tool in negotiating with investors.

Swerve once saw him called to a negotiation in the middle of the night, and even sleep-deprived and exhausted after a full day of filming, Blurr had the strength to pull that charming expression on his face and flawlessly play along with Swindle wherever he needed to.

His mech was a work of art. And that's not even an exaggeration. Usually the main purpose of mechs is to be efficient and practical. Blurr's Mech was made separately and so many people worked on its design that it could have its own end credits. It's beautiful, sleek, shiny and show-offy. It's designed to be awe-inspiring, but not so decorated that it's ridiculous.

When Swerve looks at its specs, he almost feels sick. Maneuverability, mobility, everything is absolutely top-notch. But most importantly, speed.

The technology to accelerate Mechs to incredible speeds has been around for some time, but the average robot doesn't reach even half of the technically possible maximum. Because even the fastest machine can't outrun the human brain.

After a certain threshold, pilots are no longer capable of controlling their own Mech. Human reaction speed is simply not enough to maneuver without crashing into anything or losing their orientation in space. And. Well. Without losing consciousness.

This has led to Mech manufacturers sort of tacitly agreeing on a rough speed limit and tending to stick to it. Just to make the technology safer and more suitable for everyone.

Regardless. Everyone except Blurr apparently.

Because the numbers across from his Mech's speed specs are horrifying. Swerve looks at the blueprints and thinks it's either freaking awesome or absolute suicide. Maybe something in between. Can a human being have reflexes like that? What about this turning mechanism? The numbers tell him that these levels of g-force make a large percentage of pilots just pass out.

Is Blurr really going to pilot this death wagon??

To achieve that kind of speed and mobility, they'd have to cut off half the armor or make it very light. Which would almost be like inviting a dangerous injury.

But if the Mech is made primarily to flaunt rather than fight...well... it probably makes sense.

Swerve's inner fan is sliding down the wall.

Blurr is incredible. And what's even more incredible is that he's kind of sort of almost Swerve's coworker now.

It only takes him a couple days to realize.

Everyone loves Blurr.

But the one who loves Blurr the most is Blurr himself.

The rose-tinted glasses are breaking slowly but surely. On the first day, Sverve walks up on shaky legs to get introduced. He tells himself that this is definitely not an attempt to get an autograph. They're coworkers. He's just...uh...greeting a new employee.

Blurr looks slightly bored.

“You're from this department....uh.. What's its name, whatever.”

Swerve clutches his hands in front of him so he doesn't accidentally drop anything

“OH.Uh yeah. Swerve! Engineering Department. You were there on a tour the other day. I usually work in the assembly plant, making armor for Mechs, developing new alloys. But I design too! I, uh.

(Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. Don't talk about Blurr. He'll think you're a crazy fan. Don't talk about Blurr.)

Blurr starts to get sidetracked by his phone.

Swerve swallows awkwardly.

“I'm uh. I'm a big fan of yours. Sir.”

(Good job...)

Blurr chuckles softly and offers out his hand

“Well, nice to meet you.”

Sverve's hand is shaking like crazy, he hopes he isn't squeezing too hard. Working in the assembly has made his hands rough. Blurr's narrow, soft palm is almost sinking in his grip.

“ 'Nice to meet you, yes. Nice to meet you sir! If you, ah, if you have any problems or questions or uh, well. You know, if you need help with your Mech or upgrades or or.”

Blurr chuckles.

“I'll be counting on you~”

Swerve feels like his soul is about to break away from his body.

The next, day when they cross paths in the hallway Blurr waves to him.

“Hey you. Whatever your name is. Can you tell me how to get to Block D?

Swerve stops awkwardly.

“Ah. Of course! I'm Swerve sir. Come, I'll show you.”

Blurr smiles a beautiful, ad-libbed smile and follows him in

“Thank you darling.”

From this point on, the entire program gradually learns a simple but unpleasant truth.

Blurr is an asshole.

And nobody likes him.

He always has everyone at his beck and call. You rarely get to see him on his own. There's always someone swirling around him with a guilty or annoyed face. A sort of serve-get-show-explain designated poor guy.

Swindle treats Blurr like a precious antique vase.

Blurr treats people like his servants.

The whole world is in love with the glittering cover, the image polished to a squeak. Until recently, Swerve was doing the same thing. Now it feels more like an embarrassing crush.

Blurr still doesn't remember his name. He actually remembers at most three to four people by name, and calls everyone else “hey you” or “ darling”. After Swerve reintroduced himself to him for the fourth time he just sort of...stopped trying.

On the field, Blurr is incredible. No one can deny that. The tremendous speed of his Mech leaves all the other pilots in the dust. Whoever said human reflexes weren't fast enough? HA. When Swerve sees his reports and results, he gets dizzy.

The combination of such incredible speeds and light armor means Blurr simply can't miss. If he hesitates, if he falters. If he gets confused. The whole metal thing will smash him to smithereens.

And yet Blurr comes back untouched time after time.

Swerve's no longer inclined to think it's just because of his mad skills. He knows that Swindle is paying Blurr a lot of money for his cooperation. No one would let Blurr fight on the front lines, no. It would be too dangerous. He has to do just enough so that Swindle can record a commercial and in it call Blurr a badass pilot without adding small print to that statement.

Blurr's job is not to fight for humanity.

Blurr's job is to smile for the camera and take the applause of people who praise him for his bravery and sacrifice. Blurr's job is to sell his face, his voice and his skills to millions of viewers. He must impress investors, show off advanced technology and make a determined face saying that to save mankind he is ready for anything. And then get in a luxury car and drive off to some expensive place to burn a whole bunch of zeros out of his paycheck.

He's not someone who stays after work to help his coworkers. And he's not the one who spends his nights trying to save as many people as possible. But he is the first person every citizen would name if asked to say something about the Mech program. He signs autographs, makes big statements, and promises people he'll protect them.

And people believe him.

And they love him.

A month later, he still can't remember anyone's names and sometimes calls people by the colors of their clothes, laughing as if they should take it as a cute joke.

Swerve is sick of this spectacle. Swerve is sick of this man.

That's okay.

It's not like fanboying over Blurr is Swerve's only passion.

He gets upset.

Then he gets mad and rips down all the posters.

Then he has no time to be angry because Swindle wants to launch Mechs into outer space and damn it, Jazz flies off the planet and doesn't fucking come back. The engineering department stays up nights trying to figure out where he's gone, but they can't.

Unlike Blurr, everybody loved Jazz.

Unlike Blurr, Jazz deserved every ounce of that love.

The ground beneath his feet is starting to shake.

At first, all that happens is panic. Everyone starts making a confused noise, someone assumes an earthquake.

A voice on the speakers says that everyone needs to evacuate immediately, but no one hears it because huge mechanical tentacles start coming through the windows and the whole building starts shaking, creaking and crumbling.

Sverve has seen the monsters humanity has to fight many times. But never this close. And their size leaves him absolutely terrified. These things are huge, they take up all visible space. And what's most damning is that they can break down the walls around Swerve like a fucking cookie.

He's gonna die. Oh god he's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die here under this stupid rubble or get eaten or turned into one of the ugly bloody stains on the wall. His heart is doing a million beats a minute and his eyes are starting to sting. He tries to get to the emergency exit, but the door is blocked by one of the huge toothy creatures that is actively trying to get in.

Next to him, Swindle is shouting to someone on his comm, trying to sound louder than the rumble of the collapsing building and the hungry aliens.

The floor tilts at a very disturbing angle and Swerve grabs one of the interior doorways to stay in place. A second later, he reaches out and pulls Swindle, who has already slowly begun to slip toward the monster's huge hungry maw, to the same doorway.

Swindle grabs onto the frame of the door and Swerve at the same time. His glasses are cracked and his usually neat expensive coat is all dust and debris.

“It was a trap.”

Swerve can't hear a word over the grinding of breaking structures.

“What?”

Swindle almost slips and falls, but Swerve grabs him by the scruff of his coat and puts him back on his feet. Working in an assembly shop gives a man strong arms and right now he's very grateful for it.

Swindle makes a second, louder attempt

“It was a trap!!! All available pilots are now on the other side of the country! I've called for backup, but who knows how fast they'll get here.”

A smooth, silky voice comes from a walkie-talkie strapped to his coat.

“Ouch Swindle. So little faith in my professional skills?”

Swindle rounds his eyes

“Blurr??! Where are you!”

Blurr's voice sounds...not quite as it usually does. It's missing the habitual lazy note. The one that makes him sound like the whole world owes him money.

“Give me another minute and the answer will be 'here'.”

The building shakes again. Swindle swears so eloquently that Swerve can't help but admire it.

Swerve can't stand Blurr's smug face, but when he spots the first glimpse of blue metal in the window, joy floods his brain.

He usually associates Blurr with dumb nicknames, dismissive treatment, and commercials.

Now he watches the sleek, fast Mech lunge fearlessly at the monsters surrounding the building and thinks that. Fuck this. He's an asshole, but if he buys Swerve enough time to evacuate, he'll bring him a thank you card or something later. Though it's unlikely Blurr will care about that of course.

Swindle continues to shout instructions over the walkie-talkie. Swerve basically drags him outside by. He jumps up probably a full meter when very near him one of the monsters falls to the ground.

Blurr's Mech stands proudly on top of the fresh corpse and looks...actually really bad. Swerve knows that this particular robot was not built for rough, open confrontation. Its armor is too thin. Designed for speed and agility, not strength. He assembled it himself, after all.

Many of the plates are crumpled. Some are torn off. His legs are intact, but one of the joints sparks funny.

Blurr quickly looks around and Swerve unwittingly follows his example. The whole place is on fire. Office buildings are in ruins and a huge column of black smoke rises above the assembly plant.

Blurr's Mech drops to the ground and gets down on one knee. The plates on its chest are pulled aside and Blurr sticks his head out of the cockpit while simultaneously opening the visor on his helmet.

“Everyone okay?”

Swindle clutches the walkie-talkie

“The office areas are empty, but there still could be people left on the lower floors of the assembly plant. But we have no access there!”

Blurr drums his fingers quickly on the metal plate

“Fire?”

Swindle shrugs his dusty shoulders

“Something exploded at the bottom of the building. It's a real smelter down there.

Even if we send a Mech, it won't last more than a minute before it overheats. Or make the building collapse.”

Blurr's gaze becomes focused. Sharp. Swerve has seen that look many times on tough front line fighters like Jazz. On Blurr, never.

“'That's enough time for me.”

Swindle waves his hands

“Are you crazy?”

Blurr slaps his palm against the armor of his Mech

“This baby is light. Lighter than anything you've got! If anyone can do it without dropping the building, it's me. They make Mechs in the assembly hall, it's got high ceilings right?”

Swerve wants to snap. He wants to throw his hands up angrily and yell something along the lines of “you were literally there!”

Who else is down there on those lower floors??? Tailgate? Maybe Wheeljack? If something exploded, Wheeljack was definitely there. And probably closest to the explosion.

Swindle curses furiously, but retreats and runs off to give orders to someone else.

“”Be a hero if you want, but I'm not going in there. For all I know there could be melting metal in there instead of a floor! It's just not reasonable.”

Swerve's brain stumbles over that statement. Why...Swindle is acting like he's being forced to climb into that building too...?

Blurr looks nervous.

“You know what. Fine. I got it. Hey, you--”

And there it is. The good old namelesness.

Blurr pays no attention to Swerve's frowning face, nor his hands shaking with fear

“ You're familiar with those buildings. You know who was there and where to find them right? I need you to walk me through.”

Swerve feels the urge to snap again and this time doesn't hold it back

“If you cared about something other than yourself, you'd know this damn building and the people who work in it too and !”

“I don't fucking remember!” Blurr interrupts him.

Swerve doesn't have time to put anything in after that. Though a sarcastic comment is begging to be made.

Blurr quickly takes off his helmet and wipes the sweat off his forehead.

“I don't remember okay! This isn't a fad or posing or whatever else you think of me. This is what an accident can do to you if you miss a turn! I can't remember shit, okay?! Do you need a medical report?!”

Swerve just...stands there with his mouth open and probably looks like an idiot.

Blurr nervously tucks back his disheveled hair. The longer he talks, the faster he does it.

“Now. I know you don't want to die in a pit of fire. But I need your help to save them. Don't do anything, just take the map. I promise I won't let you die.”

He sounds determined. And holds out his hand to Swerve, silently inviting him to climb up onto the Mech.

His face is stained in sticky dust, his hair is an absolute mess, and his narrow palm is covered in streaks of soot. It's as if he's been dragged face down a muddy road.

He's. Very Handsome, Swerve thinks.

He takes his hand.

Blurr helps him up, pushes him into the space next to the pilot's seat, and closes the cockpit.

“Been inside a working Mech ever?”

Swerve clenches his hands nervously on the back of the seat

“No.”

The lights of the consoles around him come to life as Blurr puts on his helmet. The space around him hums. It's a strange noise. At once unsettling and calm.

Mech feels alive, he thinks. Then corrects himself. Blurr is mind-linked to this Mech. This Mech can technically be considered alive in a sense.

Blurr moves one of the monitors toward him and opens the map.

“Just mark the path here. Don't touch anything else. And hold on tight. I won't be going too fast anyway, but it'll be shaky.”

Swerve swallows nervously.

“Understood.”

After that, everything turns into motion. Watching the Mech work while being inside is mesmerizing.

Blurr doesn't say much, concentrating on the controls. His hands aren't shaking anymore, Swerve notices. Not even a little.

He steers the machine forward confidently and smoothly, dodging falling debris and avoiding the biggest pockets of fire without panic or hesitation.

He's also strictly following the path Swerve is laying out for him.

The air filtration system is doing well so far. Swerve can feel the smell of burning and the heat slowly creeping up, but it's bearable for now. For now.

They find a man on the nearside of the emergency exit.

Two more people a floor below. A small group stuck in the elevator.

Wheeljack's on the doorstep of his lab.

Blurr pulls them all out. Picks up the first group of people and carries them outside, goes back into the fiery furnace, finds more survivors, pulls them out, goes back, searches, rescues, goes back, searches, rescues.

The heat is coming up. Swerve can feel it. The plates around him are getting hot. The air smells like burnt wires.

Blurr’s Mech wasn't designed for this kind of thing.

His Mech was made to flash for the camera and accelerate to impossible speeds. To deceive and confuse the enemy. Its armor is thin and cools easily in the air, which usually helps it avoid overheating.

This also means that this Mech heats up very quickly as well.

Now, with the air around him feeling like a red-hot frying pan, Swerve regrets not saying anything back then. He regrets that he didn't make any changes to the blueprint.

More and more warnings pop up on the screens. The map stopped working correctly some time ago and Swerve is forced to give directions verbally.

He nervously grips the back of the pilot seat with one hand and, without noticing, Blurr's shoulder with the other.

Blurr carries two more people outside and hands them to the rescuers. Then turns back to the building again and. OH FUCK. Right in front of him, a huge crack begins to creep along the structure. This thing is on the verge of collapse. The roof is already starting to fold down in a very bad way.

Swerve clenches his grip fearfully and hears Blurr hiss through his teeth.

Suddenly, the cockpit opens. The fresh air of the street feels like a cold sledgehammer blow after the heat and stuffiness of the lower levels.

Swerve is about to ask something, but doesn't have time because Blurr uses Mech's hand to gently but quickly pull him outside and set him on the ground.

“You were going to mark another spot.”

Swerve nods hurriedly.

“Tailgate is still there.”

Blurr wrinkles his face.

Swerve corrects himself and clarifies

“Bright blue uniform. Short. Considering all the places we've been, I think he's in the staff quarters. It's...”

He chews his fingers, trying to remember numbers and directions without a map

“...two floors down, left, another floor down and straight ahead.”

As he speaks Blurr bends over the side of the open cockpit and spits...blood on the ground. His nose is bleeding, Swerve realizes. That's not good. It's a clear sign of a malfunctioning neural connection. Or damage to his respiratory system? Possibly both.

Blurr doesn't seem to notice his worried look

“Two down, left down then. Shit. Wait. Two down, left then down, straight ahead yeah?”

Swerve nods.

Blurr keeps repeating these directions like a mantra. A very fast and creepy mantra.

His gaze roams strangely and his breaths sound hoarse. His teeth and chin are covered in blood and his face is streaked with soot.

Swerve understands. He's about to do another go.

Two down, left, down, straight. Two down, left, down, straight. Two down, left, down, straight.

Alone. He's going, and he's going to fry himself alive in there for a stranger he doesn't even remember.

Swerve doesn't have time to say anything. What's he gonna say? Stop? But he wants to save Tailgate? Go on, I believe in you? But it's certain death.

Swerve rarely has nothing to say, but this time he can't find the right words.

Blurr wipes the blood with his sleeve, wrinkles his nose, and storms off, heading back into the flaming mess the plant has become.

Not twenty seconds later, the roof collapses, spewing a huge cloud of smoke, ash, and fire into the sky.

Swerve wrinkles his shirt nervously in his hands.

The walls are still in place, right? If the roof is gone but the walls are still standing it's... it's. It's.

Damn it. He's trying to remember the blueprints. It means the ejector will work. It means Blurr can still get out through the top. That--

Blurr's not getting out. As the small, bright blue escape pod appears above the falling walls of the building, Swerve feels his brain stop. Remember the blueprints, remember the damn blueprints. The Mech is light, the design is compact, the space in the pod is for only one person.

In the capsule lies an unconscious Tailgate.

Swindle grasps the radio

“Blurr? BLURR!”

Swerve looks at the smoke and ash and feels numb. He doesn't want to be here anymore. He has to know. He doesn't...

He feels weird. The same kind of weird as when objects fly seemingly through him. Everything just stops being real.

The thought comes out of nowhere. You don't have to obey the rules. You can see more. Just look.

He's not sure how or why he's doing it.

No one around him is paying much attention to him. Everyone's busy with survivors and damage assessment or just stunned by the chaos.

And him? He disappears.

And then he appears at the bottom. Under the rubble.

All around him is ugly, molten and red-hot chaos, but he doesn't care anymore. He feels like whatever is happening is about to end and he just has to be in time. Time for him to find out.

Blurr's Mech lies crushed by the fallen roof. Its cockpit is open. A gaping hole where his chest was, the place where the escape pod had undocked.

Wall debris has pinned him in a crooked, grotesque pose.

Blurr is here. His legs are wedged between crumpled metal plates inside the cockpit, leaving him hanging upside down. His suit is charred. Half of his face is destroyed. It looks like a horrible bloody and burned mess. It's ugly and gruesome.

Blurr opens his only working eye and gives Swerve a cloudy look.

“I must be seeing things...”

Swerve shrugs in daze. He knows he shouldn't be here.

Blurr spits up a mouthful of blood

“I'm sorry I hurt you uh...”

“Swerve.”

“Yes. Swerve. It's hard for me to remember things unless they're...akgh...hell... not in my face all the time.”

Swerve moves closer and frowns

“You know, that explains but doesn't excuse you.”

Blurr closes his eye and coughs. That sounds really bad.

“No...I guess not.”

He huffs off the blood again. The burned half of his face is oozing with it. The blood runs down his forehead, collecting in a small puddle on the floor.

“It was better than letting everyone know what's wrong with me. I can't even begin to think about the amount of messes I'd be dragged into.”

Swerve notes that the fire seems to be getting closer.

This whole bit of dialog is so unnatural. Who even talks about that kind of stuff before they die. On the other hand. Well. Character development?

“So you think it's better to have everyone assume you're a jerk than that you got your head screwed on?”

Blurr wrinkles his nose.

“ You're a very specific kind of ghost.”

Swerve shoves his hands in his pockets and looks away

“I needed to know. Before you die.”

“That's ...akghhh...ha....it's good to know. Can you tell me something Swerve? As..agh...

As a last wish?”

Swerve shrugs again. He stares at the dripping blood. At the ugly, bubbling burns. At the burst vessels in his eye and the paths of blood from his bleeding nose. He looks at the broken and scorched and dying bloody mess.

He looks at Blurr.

And he thinks, until today, he didn't really love Blurr. Not with the posters and figurines. Not with the disdain and dislike.

He loved an image. And hated an image.

He reaches out and tries to touch Blurr's hand, but goes through it.

“I'm sorry. But we're both not really here. And I have to go.”

He can feel the cold metal around him, which is strange because he's standing in the middle of smoking and burning ruins

“But if it makes you happy, I guess you're my favorite character after all.”

Blurr doesn't answer. Swerve isn't sure he even heard him.

The feeling of metal around him grows sharper.

Someone shines a flashlight in his face.

Swerve blinks stupidly and tries to move away.

The unknown Autobot medic standing over him smiles happily and puts the flashlight away

“Welcome back. You've been in a coma Primus knows how long.”

The other medic to the side frowns

“You have zero tact.”

Swerve blinks his optics puzzled, raises his servo and for a while just stares at it like some movie character. All around him is an Autobot medbay. Metal walls. Metal instruments. And him. Metal.

Yes. Seems so. That's the way he's always been. That's right.

“Doc, you won't believe what kind of weird dream I had.”

___________

Swerve feels like he's going crazy.

He's standing in the middle of a hallway on one of the Autobot ships, and he's staring. shamelessly.

There's Prowl standing at the end of the hallway. And on his shoulder is...

“ JAZZ????”

Both bot and human turn around abruptly at his scream. And both look equally puzzled.

Jazz waves his hand

“Do I know you?”

Swerve is definitely going crazy. It's Jazz. The same one. From his...dream??? But he's real and tangible??? Sitting on Prowl's shoulder, talking and breathing and being seen by everyone not only Swerve????

“You're...real...?”

Jazz raises his eyebrows

“I am. Yes. Really Mech, you sound very familiar.

But I can tell you for a fact that I have not been friends with any Cybertronians before...”

This can't be, this can't be, this isn't....

It was a dream. The spawn of his TV series-addled mind. A hallucination. It wasn't real. It wasn't, was it?

But Jazz is here. And he disappeared from Earth. And now he's here.

And.

What the..

Swerve blurts out something like “sorry-sorry-see-you-later-now-I've got to go” and runs off.

“HEY DOC????”

The autobot, already familiar to him, flinches

“Primus...Swerve? Is something wrong?”

Swerve realizes that everything is about to either make sense or lose it completely.

“Tell me...is it possible to project a holoform...like...very far away?”

The Doctor tilts his head.

“Depends on power consumption. If you channel all the energy available in a frame, you can go very far. But that would send you into a...coma...if you...tried...Swerve, is there anything you'd like to tell me?”

“Doc do you know where Earth is?”

“Wha...no?”

Swerve chuckles nervously and bites his knuckles.

“I don't either. But I think I've been there...”

[lewkwoodnco]

tis the damn season - Lockwood x Reader

A/N: estranged best friends to lovers trope my beloved!!! 😍 AHHH this is one of my fav fics I've written in a while. Poem below is Golden Boy by Cecil Miller, and the Spanish line is taken from a streetcar named desire by tennessee (idk how 2 spell) williams! this might be less proofread than normal + includes a few of my pre-infection hallucinations? lottt of angst, wc 5.1k!!

P.S. I think I'll be doing a part 2 to buy me presents! but not until a little later ahah and also the 12 days of fics are totally going to spill over hahah

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

Lockwood stares out the kitchen window. Both inside and outside, there is a bleak stillness in the air that sinks in his bones like a plague. It's too cold and too early in the morning for anyone to be properly out and about. But the season always messed up his sleep schedule more than usual, and now that they had taken a break from their cases for the holidays, there was nothing to occupy his treacherous mind, and its return to taut requirings of Christmases past.

Slowly, the other residents of Portland Row start to stir. George grumbles about their spluttering heating system and having to plod through the snow to get the mail, and Lucy promptly falls asleep in the cup of tea she's just brewed for herself. They were all exhausted, and rightfully so, given that the holidays was prime time for people to start looking into properly clearing out ghosts to keep their homes warm and cheery.

He slips out just as George's complaints about the heater start ramping up, and his mind is so scattered that he forgets to put his coat on. It's a little more brisk than what was completely tolerable, strictly speaking, but it was only just for a minute. When he reaches the mailbox, he runs into Mr. and Mrs. L/N, old family friends who had helped him more than he deserved over the years. They made some polite conversation while he rifled through the bills and letters.

"Oh, Anthony, we wanted to invite you over to tea sometime this week. Y/N's home for the holidays."

His hand slips and an envelope slices his finger open. It was bound to happen, given his glum and careless mood, and it takes every ounce of self-restraint to suppress his cry of pain in front of them.

"Home...as in here? London?"

Ever since she had left for boarding school, there would always be some talk of her dropping by for Christmas every year. But the plans would never be fully solid, or some other pre-existing commitment would prevent her from making the trip. He was suddenly feeling oddly claustrophobic. He glanced up and down the street, as if expecting her to be hiding in some bushes.

Mrs. L/N seemed to pick up on his distraction, and her brow furrowed with concern.

"Of course London. Where's your coat, dearie? Aren't you feeling chilly?"

"...yes. Now that you mention it...perhaps it's best I head back inside."

He gave a stiff sort of wave and walked back, mind reeling. Eight years. Eight years since he last saw her. What the hell was he supposed to do if he saw her now? How was he supposed to feel?

Luckily, he doesn't get much time to panic because as soon as he walks in, he narrowly dodges a wrench being lobbed at his head. Apparently, eleven freezing days with improper heating was more than what George could bear. It's usually a rather quick fix, but maybe the comparatively more extreme frost this year had corrupted the system beyond Lockwood's capabilities, because two hours later he was still no closer to getting it fixed.

Some time later, there's a knock on the door. He yells for someone to get the door, but he's buried too deeply in the house for anyone to hear him. Grumbling, he dusts himself off and walks to the door himself, head buzzing with frustration. He's so preoccupied with what more he could possibly do to get the heating working again that he doesn't think to check the peephole first. So when he opens the door, he gets the wind knocked out of him.

"Anthony."

It was her; rosy-cheeked yet looking effortlessly warm. Her facial features had lengthened and rearranged themselves as compared to when he last saw her, but there was still something expensive to the twist of her mouth and the crinkles near her eyes.

"It's been so long."

Even her voice was rich, like honey. Now that she was standing in front of him, the stitch in his chest from the morning seemed much more familiar. It had been some seasonally grievious paste that had coated his lungs and stoppered his mouth that made him feel eerily weightless if he dwelled on it too much.

He didn't know what to do. Exchange pleasantries, or skip to the part where he slams the door in her face? Before he could decide, he hears some shuffling behind him, and almost instinctively opens the door wider.

"Y/N. These are my associates. George Karim, Lucy Carlyle...Y/N L/N."

"Right. Lockwood and Co., was it?"

The four of them glance at each other, exchanging fleeting smiles for a good half-minute, before George has the sense to usher everyone inside for a cup of tea.

The kettle's already on, and George hands out the cups of tea waring mittens, his glasses barely visible behind the scarf mummifying the lower half of his head. If she notices the cold in the house, she doesn't comment on it.

They make some polite small talk. She's pleasantly amiable and a perfectly gracious guest, and talks about her Christmas dinner plans. Lockwood is disinterested and surly and wants to talk about his fragmented sense of self. At one point, his responses start to become so clipped that he earns a poorly concealed kick from Lucy, accompanied by a stern look. Luckily, it doesn't seem as if she's noticed. She was looking at the white blanket of snow over their garden carefully, as if dismissing their presence.

"Your garden looks beautiful. I'd love to have a look around."

George and Lockwood exchanged a look. It was freezing outside, and the harsh temperatures were clearly not worth braving for the little of the flowerbeds they could see. George opened his mouth to tell her as much, in his own snide way, but he hesitated. Lockwood felt his heart sink.

The thing was, she had had a magnetic effect on most people ever since they were kids, a quality that made it difficult for any grown adult to refuse her or for any child to oppose her. It was the same reason why she was sitting in his house, drinking out of his teacups, eating his share of biscuits (George and Lucy had clearly conspired as soon as they picked up on her staying for tea). But he had been sure that if there was anyone who could pull away from this siren call of hers, it would be George. The very boy who was meaningfully looking at him, trying to express some uncommunicable panic.

"Er...Lockwood?"

And so, he ended up taking her out for a brief and awkwardly quiet stroll in their garden once she was done with her tea. They meandered through the garden path stiltedly, and every snow-dusted weed and sapling seemed to astound her. Still, she divided her attention sufficiently to continue the ocnversation.

"Homeowner and agency head at fifteen. Impressive."

"Thank you."

"I bet you're the media's darling."

He shrugs.

She turns to him, eyes generously pooling with faux concern.

"It can't have been easy."

It wasn't easy, not that she would know anything about it. He wants to be spiteful towards her, lash out at her. God knows she deserved it. But something holds him back.

"So...that was George. And Luce."

She jerked her head back in acknowledgement, but he could see the slight smile playing at her lips as she did so. He had forgotten how terribly exasperating she could be.

"What?"

She shook her head, but that only made her smile grow wider, and so she finally relented. There's a vulpine twist to her lips that Lockwood has no patience for. "Nothing. I'm sure they're lovely people, of course. But if I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would have asked you."

He shrugged. "I wanted to share a bit of my life now. They're just about all of it."

She hums pleasantly, stopping short in front of one of the flower beds. She bends down and picks up a freshly fallen violet, its deep indigo harsh and unrelenting against the fresh, pure snow, against the season of vacancy and death. She holds it up in front of Lockwood.

"Viola Odarata. Symbolises humility. Flores; flores para los muertos. Flores."

A part of him wants to sneer at her in painful irony. How arrogant of her to think she could waltz back into his life as she pleased.

"That what they teach you in your boarding school? Useless facts about violets?"

She shivers, even though the air is completely still with no breeze, and her lips part. Too late, he realises he's gone too far. Her smile slips a fraction, and she takes on an air that makes him feel obliged to apologise. He resists it, and for a moment he sees something flash in her eyes, but it's gone before he can place it.

"Forgive me, but you don't seem terribly happy."

"The Problem's raging worse than ever. Happy things don't come by easy these days."

"...I suppose. It wouldn't -" For the first time, Lockwood thinks she might be feeling nervous. Her humanity, manufactured or otherwise, draws him in despite himself. "It wouldn't have anything to do with me...would it?"

He takes in her carefully manicured appearance, her intentionally pieced together life made up of the dreams she worked towards and achieved. And all he had was a house that was more of a burden than a blessing on some days and this inchoate dread over a Problem whose end was nowhere in sight. But he doesn't know how to express this resentment, this jealousy.

"I'm alright if you're alright."

Sad, dispirited eyes look into each other, searching for the fulfilment they're sure the other has found. She speaks in a tight voice.

"It's okay with the both of us, then."

She suddenly reaches out, and gently holds his finger with the papercut with a firm but comforting pressure. His first instinct is to pull his hand back, but he doesn't, and as the long seconds pass, he feels increasingly vulnerable. The cut was no longer bleeding, and was even well on its way to healing over just fine, but it was irritated from where he had relentlessly picked at it.

"Looks fresh."

She traces the cut with her other hand, violet folded in her palm, with a feather-light touch. The surreality of the moment - of her standing inches from her, her breath tickling his fingertips, her warmth spreading through him - catches up to him and makes his breath hitch. It was unbearably intimate and made him feel like the exposed, raw wound he had been nursing for the eight years she had been gone. And how like her to return with pockets full of unfounded promise to stitch the tears in his skin.

And just as quickly, she lets go of his hand and steps back, and Lockwood feels as though cold air has been forced into his airways. She tucks the violet behind her ear, and drifts back inside. The tilt of her joints is so familiar that it stirs something in him. Something long gone, something he was gripping like a fist.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they return, Lockwood excuses himself to his room for a bit of air, ignoring how closely George is watching him. He sits on his bed and takes a deep breath. His nightstand has a few miniature picture frames on it, and in one of them the picture's been flipped around. It's a picture of him and her, taken a few months before she left. It's how he remembered her before seeing her today. Sometimes, when the urge grew too great, he would tilt the frame under his nightlight, and make out the barest outline of their figures looped together on the other side of photograph.

He didn't know what to make of her departure, all those years ago. One day, they were swinging on tyres in her parents' garden, and the next day, she wasn't at school. But as the years churned on, the string tying his heart to hers stretched and tore a slow and painful death from him, out of the cavity she left, and he never felt quite the same again. And as they continued to age, the wound became old news and scabbed over what was once raw and paralysing, but a part of him always wanted to know why she did it, to be angry with her for being so callous.

And now she was back, pulling him under by the ankles, ripping the gash open viciously.

He didn't know how exactly to deal with it, after years of thinking of her adjacently, daring only to keep her in his peripheral vision, where he was kept safe. Maybe it was all part of a larger problem; the twitch in his hand and his recurring nightmare.

He's ten years old again, at a train station he's never been to, and likely one that doesn't exist. It's hard to see just about any discerning features, except for the massive train peeking through the fog in front of him. He looks to the right, and sees her strong fingers wrapped around a railing, her standing in the door of the train. He can't be sure of much, but he's certain she's looking at him. He stretches the moment as long as it will last, because it's all downhill from there.

There's a terrible groaning sound, and the train reluctantly starts to chug along, steadily gathering speed. He walks alongside it, gradually picking up his own pace, until he's nearly sprinting. All the while, she watches him with amused eyes, secure in her place on the train. He's panting, choking on the fog, eyes streaming. But if he can just reach her scarf whipping in the wind, the train will stop, and she'll step out, cool and gleaming and impervious to the cloud of dust surrounding her and-

He wakes with a start. He knows how it ends.

She slips through his fingers every time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She stays for the rest of the day, and the four of them spend a cosy afternoon decorating their Christmas tree, carefully dodging the random mugs of hot chocolate littered across the room. While they were digging out the ornaments from the attic, she finds a box that he, evidently, had not tucked away deep enough.

"Remember these?" She holds up a flimsy, crumbling Santa Claus ornament made of construction paper. "We had so much fun making them."

He nods stiffly, subtly shifting the box towards a corner in the living room. It smarts his eyes to look at the hideous thing, as if its very sight was corrosive.

"Took me a while to find them, though. It must be a pain to dig them out every year."

He puts down the bauble he's hanging, and sighs. "I haven't...brought these out in a while."

Even her look of perplexity looks artificial. "Why not? Aren't there so many happy memories attached to these?" Her face falls ever so slightly. "Do memories of me not make you happy?"

Luckily, they're interrupted by Lucy placing a handful of miniature marshmallows into their hot chocolate. When she moves over to George, Lockwood wordlessly starts hanging their crafted ornaments, and she doesn't press him for an answer. When they're done, the tree looks a lot more crowded and chaotic than it normally does, similar to how Lockwood was feeling with her around. He looks at her, and isn't sure how he feels about the asymmetry of having her here.

Later, when she's about to leave, it starts snowing heavily, too heavily for her to walk home. So after a phone call with her parents, she decides to spend the night. Lockwood's in his bedroom when he hears a knock on his door. It's her, dressed in a spare set of Lucy's pajamas.

"I thought you'd be awake."

She wanted to know what he was doing, and what he was doing was wrapping some Christmas presents. Immediately, she obligingly offered to help, and she was too eager for him to outright refuse. Of course, he might have thought differently if he had known how abysmally little she knew about wrapping gifts. And so they stay up till the early hours of the morning, both of them trying equally hard to teach her the most basic of gift wrapping skills. As the night wore on, they got increasingly drunk on laughter over her heinously criminal attempts and Lockwood's limbs started to loosen up. At one point, he had given up entirely and placed his hands over hers, puppeteering the night's only decent gift wrapping while she smothered her laughter.

He doesn't remember much after that. When he next regains his consciousness, he's lying curled up next to her, with the late morning sun streaming through his windows. He watches her breathe, slow and steady, with a face so relaxed, amiable and familiar.

As her eyes start to flutter open, he panics and tries to look anywhere else, which isn't easy given how she's only inches away from him. They glance at each other, silently acknowledging their positions, and the silence hangs heavy in the air. He clears his throat awkwardly, trying to put as much space between them as he can with his arm wrapped under her. "When do you leave?"

She scrunches her forehead as she thinks. It's one of the few parts of her he instantly recognises and he gets caught off guard by a rush of affection, and a flash of an impulse to smooth out the wrinkles.

"Monday."

He pulls a face.

"We'd have the weekend together. Isn't that enough?"

They stay quiet, watching specks of dust float through the sunlight filtering through his partially drawn curtains. With how close they are to each other, they're not looking at each other's face, and it's unclear if she's asking him, or herself, or the dust they're watching. Was it enough?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, Lucy wants to take a walk along some of the emptier roads in the snow. She takes their trip as her cue to leave but Lucy insists she come along, so she does. The four of them had cycled as far as they could, and when they reached the too-slippery parts of the road, they had dismounted and left their bicycles in a corner. Lucy and George were wandering around a bit ahead of them, while they slowly shuffled through the snow. She had picked up some newspapers on their way there, and was looking through them as they walked, taking particular interest in the odd article on Lockwood & Co.

"You've certainly had your fair share of media coverage."

"Along with a decent helping of frenzied media sensationalism, I suppose."

"My apologies. I forgot I was talking to the Anthony J. Lockwood of Lockwood & Co. Now, is the arson bit complimentary, or would I have to pay extra?"

She was teasing him, and it was irritating. There was a reticent air about him and after some politely delicate probing, which he had been too preoccupied to entertain, she had resorted to amusing herself. Toying with him like a figurine, the way she did all those years ago.

"You wear your grief so beautifully, Lockwood. Like...like jewels between your teeth..."

She pauses, flipping through the newspapers interestedly with inky fingertips, which flickered like shadows next to the soft white snow.

"...and you have such a winning smile. Golden boy." She laughs, and the sound feels like icicles pressing into his skull. "Golden boy," she trills, "you were a bit of a child. The world was having its way with you. You tried to...er, something...golden boy!"

She smiles at him lazily, expectantly, as if anticipating some kind of applause. But Lockwood is in no mood for her childish whimsies.

"I'm fine. I don't have any grief."

She frowns exaggeratedly. "'Course you do."

"I don't."

She mumbles, turning back to her newspaper. "Fine, then. Not like I'm the one holding onto...some kind of...ache."

He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. How could anyone be this self-aware and yet completely oblivious? The strain on his self-restraint peaks and he buckles within himself.

"Why are you here, Y/N?"

She looks away from the snow. "Lucy said it'd be nice out here."

"No. I mean why are you here, in London? Here, at Portland Row?"

Her lips are pressed together, and there's something guarded in her eyes.

"I just...wanted to see how you were doing."

"Liar."

The word drops from his tongue in such an aggrieved manner with such vehemence that it makes her choke.

"How could you say something like that?"

He scoffs. "Please, let's not pretend you weren't dying to leave at the first chance. Not that you had the decency to tell me-"

"-I was ten!-"

"- having me go through the humiliating process of finding out on my own-"

"What do you want me to say, Lockwood? I'm sorry I left? I'm sorry you were alone? I'm sorry I was too selfish to give a damn about you?"

"-and you'll come back, choking on your silver spoon only to leave again and again and again until you're all alone-"

"You never wrote!"

"I didn't think you'd want me to!"

"I didn't know what I wanted!"

"Then what do you want?"

"YOU, you idiot!"

He stares at her, speechless.

"I was ten. And I was so foolish. How could I have thought of anything but you?"

With that, the last of her rosy, polished, alluring boarding-school airs fell apart. He looks at her and sees his own anger and yearning reflected back at him; anger and yearning he's hardly ready to face. Despite all their efforts to get away from the other, to move on, something between them held fast. Or perhaps it was that they were hopelessly, irrevocably intertwined.

"Of all the roads I could have travelled, you are at the end of every single one of them. Every single one of them, except the road I did travel. I'm here, Lockwood, because I thought I might have...I might have chosen wrong."

"So you think you can just stroll back now that it's convenient for you? I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, do you realise that?"

"What do you want me to do, Lockwood? You keep pushing me away. I feel like part of a past you're forever trying to run away from. So fine! I'll leave, then. I'll go back to the sorry hole I crawled out of, back to friends I don't care about, back to dreaming of the only person who's ever truly cared about me. Is that what you want?"

She doesn't wait for a response, and turns around and walks away from him.

"Y/N, come back."

She silently picks her bicycle out of the snow, dusting it off.

"You can't cycle in this."

Still ignoring his words ringing through the dead winter silence, she steadies herself and cautiously swings a leg over her bicycle. Lockwood starts to walk towards her.

"You'll fall. You'll hurt yourself. Y/N. Y/N!"

But she's already off, gliding soundlessly like a ghost through frigid air on icy roads.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He's already regretting his words by the time he reaches 35 Portland Row. When he first walks in, the house is so deathly quiet that he's convinced she's left. But her bicycle is thrown down in the garden and he knows she's too averse to the cold to walk home in the snow.

He walks slowly, his measure footsteps echoing on the wooden floors of the house, and he eventually finds her in the living room, sitting with her back to the door, staring at the drawn curtains. The fading evening glow spilling through the edges is streaked across her face and there's a soft crunching sound. As he comes closer, he sees the bowl of ice glinting in her lap, like fractured light, with her face as blank as a canvas.

"Have you gone completely mad? You'll fall sick."

She doesn't even flinch, as if she hadn't heard him. When she speaks, there's a dreamy quality to her typically strong and clear voice.

"I didn't want to come back. This city is nothing I want. I was always going to escape some day. And yet..." she trails off with glazed eyes, as if trying to look through some distant fog. "...and yet."

"You were right." The run back had left him mildly breathless, but was also exactly what he needed to get rid of the buzz in his head, giving way to some much-needed clarity. "About the...heartache. I was just sick of it. You're miles away. I love you in your sleep. I still reach the end of road alone. But I loved you all the while and...somehow that made the pain of leaving you worth it."

"I'm restless. I'm lost. I'm selfish." She swivels her head with an unnerving smoothness, grin wide and grotesque, ice glinting between her perfect teeth. "I'm so alone, Lockwood. Just like you said."

He doesn't know what to say. He walks towards her and picks up her bowl but her fingers close around his wrist like a vice. The gleam in her eye makes him want to pull his hand back. He's too old to play her games and lose.

"That's a bad habit."

"I'm a bad habit. One you can't seem to kick even after all these years: tell me, Anthony, why is that?"

"Y/N, stop. You'll spoil your teeth."

It only makes her grind her teeth even more tauntingly. It's an awful sound. "Good. Let them fall out, one by one. It's what I deserve. Maybe I'll finally learn my lesson."

Her grip on his sleeve lessens, but she doesn't let go. She grips the bowl with her other hand even tighter, as if suddenly terrified.

"Leave me be, Anthony. Leave me...to my vices...and violets and...violence."

He reads her face. He tries to figure her out, to read her like the open book she once was to him. When he doesn't leave, she shovels more ice into her mouth, uncomfortably clacking with her teeth, and continues.

"I was racing ahead...into some glorious sunset, towards some fantastic rainbow, at the end of which was some miraculous snowdrop and a wish to soothe my nomadic soul. I didn't have time for the boy with the sad eyes two streets down from me."

"I convinced myself that you resented my escape from the Problem. I was 15 with the bitter taste of lemongrass in my mouth and a stitch in my chest when I realised I spent all those years missing you. I couldn't run away from it, not truly. So I pretend. I pretend you don't hate me and I pretend I'm not an awful person and I pretend there's a chance you'd want me as much as I want you. I came home to tell you how terribly fond I was of you. It was only at your doorstep that I realised I had run out of places to hide."

"I don't have time for love. Nor the capacity for it. But I am tired of trying to outrun it."

She closed her eyes. Her voice was barely a croak. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. If I could...I'd wish away the past eight years of misery." She opened her eyes. "Some nights, I can pretend they never existed. But I can't wish your happiness into existence."

Lockwood somehow finds his voice. "I thought this was the life you wanted."

"It is Christmas, once again, and my heart is lonely as an island...once again. What part of this could I possibly want?"

He lets go of the bowl of ice and covers her limp, frozen hand with his own. She speaks in a low voice, barely stirring the dust in the room.

"I'll never forgive myself."

He sits down next to her, his feather-light lips pressed to her temple. She feels drained, and exhausted, as if the spirit that had driven her for so long was finally fatigued. Her breathing was uneven and her lungs felt lopsided. But what a blessing it was to finally fall in the one place she knew her landing would be soft.

"One day. One day, I'll..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He pulls out a fresh violet from his coat, still damp from the morning dew.

"Call it even?"

She accepts the flower and gives him a sweet smile. He revels in this smallest of victories.

Their peaceful moment gets shattered by the deafening train horn, which unpleasantly reminds Lockwood of where they are.

She hesitates for a moment, but then extends her arm and holds his face. There's a troubled look on her face, like there's something indescribable she wished to communicate just at the tip of her tongue. But the compulsion passes, and she settles for a trembling brush of his cheekbone with her thumb.

"You're such a darling, Anthony. I don't care what any newspaper or lawsuit has to say about you. You'll always be a darling to me."

"Good, because soon enough you might just be the only one."

She grins, widely at first, but then it chips, and for once he can admit that the sight breaks his heart. She gives him a hug, and he holds her like she's one of the precious metals that adorn her jewellery.

"You'll come back, won't you?"

"Perhaps. See you another weekend."

When they break apart, she swiftly picks up her suitcase with white knuckles and marches to the carriage without looking back. The train horn blares for a final time. The doors shut, and the wheels groan to life. He searches for her face, and finds it, but the reflection of the train station lights hides her eyes. It's at this moment that a disconnected part of him realises he doesn't want to wait for another weekend. He wants her here, and he wants her now.

The train picks up speed, and Lockwood tries to match it. But he's not trying to run. He knows that won't work, it never does.

"Y/N!"

That gets the attention of most passengers, including her. This train accelerates much faster than in his dream, and he's got an awful stitch running down the side of his torso by now, but he's beyond caring at this point. When she sees that it's him yelling like a maniac, she presses her flushed face to the window, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Would you stay?"

TAGLIST: @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @avdiobliss @mitskiswift99 @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits @ahead-fullofdreams

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Hiii Mickey! B4 I request smt I just wanna congratulate you on 500 (u deserve sm more) your writing is literally heaven. Shakespeare who? 🤔 Anyway, b4 I completely forget what I came to request and start yapping on about how ur a literature god, may I pls req jealously hc on SitH characters?

Sincerely,

friedrichswifegirlfriendfiancesidechick

── SOMEBODY'S JEALOUS!

Synopsis: Headcanons about how some of the SitH boys act when they are jealous.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Colt x Reader, Friedrich x Reader, Hadrian x Reader, Marek x Reader

Word Count: 0.9k

Content Warnings: 3/4 of these characters are ocs from a specific fic i wrote so that ig?? also friedrich is a menace but what's new

A/N: you're too sweet anon AHAH thank you so much!! i can't believe you like sith sm that you want to request for it...that's actually so crazy to me but means sm thank you again!! i wasn't sure which characters you wanted so i just did my favs hehe

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

Colt Grice

i think he would be the pouty type of jealous if that makes sense

like he's not going to say anything outright but he lowkey acts like a child

becomes super clingy in the moment

afterwards is all like "why don't you love me anymore 🙁"

"what does he have that i don't 🙁🙁🙁”

he's cute about it though like you can't even be mad at him because he's genuinely so worried that you like this other person more

definitely would try not to make it your problem though like he recognizes that it's his own issue to deal with so he's not going to get upset with you just for talking to someone

will probably refer to himself as your boyfriend in front of whoever he's jealous of just so that they know their place and he WILL be petty about it

he's a pretty chill guy overall so i don't think he would be too horrible but he definitely has his moments of insecurity and doubt

would not hesitate to fight a man if you expressed that you were majorly uncomfortable though. he literally goes to the gym JUST to be able to beat a man up if necessary

otherwise though he trusts you to handle it

just be prepared for him to be extra affectionate afterwards

Friedrich Visser

unlike his best friend he turns into a supervillain if he's jealous

like friedrich 99% of the time is this sweet, adoring boyfriend (setting aside how sassy he is and how much he definitely teases you)

he jokes around a lot and is relatively unserious most of the time so you literally get whiplash when a guy starts flirting with you and all of a sudden your goofy bf is replaced with his evil twin

he's very tall and he will use that to full effect

modern au friedrich is a boxer so he gets bonus intimidation points for that and canon friedrich is a warrior candidate so at that point any guy might as well give up LMAOAO

he's also creepy looking (STILL HANDSOME GUYS I PROMISE HE'S HANDSOME HE JUST HAS A CREEPY VIBE TO HIM THAT FREAKS PEOPLE OUT) and normally he wishes he was more approachable but now?? it's exactly what he needs

he'll start whispering quietly in a foreign language and the person thinks he's cursing their bloodline (he's literally just reciting the irregular verbs in the preterite tense in spanish)

a glarer. he has a crazy death stare and he will take advantage of it

creates such an inhospitable atmosphere that the person literally just runs away out of fear

then he's back to his regular self and asks if you want a sweet treat or something

he's paying ofc because he's the best boyfriend in the world and you could never dream of wanting someone else. right??? 🤨🤨🤨

Hadrian Amata

to be honest i cannot see him being jealous or at least acting like he is

he is far and away the most emotionally mature person on this list (and probably in the entire sith-verse tbh)

like if someone is hitting on you he'll literally agree with them and tell them he thinks you’re pretty too

he might hold your hand or hug you or something in front of them just so that they leave you alone, but that's about the extent of it i think

he’s not a pushover though. if someone isn't taking a hint he will tell them to leave and then escort you away himself because he doesn't want you to have to deal with that kind of bs

he was raised with a sister so he knows better than to be possessive or controlling

he wouldn't want someone treating xanthe like that so he's not about to treat you like that yk??

major green flag but that was to be expected from him

Marek Birdwhistle

this depends on what universe we're looking at

if it's a modern au where he doesn't get scarred or pre-athyae then he's funny and lighthearted about it

he is canonically the best looking character in the story (besides y/n) pre-athyae incident so if we're talking about a world where he doesn't get tortured and whatnot then honestly just the sight of him near you will be enough for people to back off

like no wayyy are they flirting with you when MAREK BIRDWHISTLE is right there

honestly you might be the one who gets jealous i bet he gets mad bitches 😭

but he pretty much ignores all of them...he only really has eyes for you so although he's friendly to anyone he'll (very politely) reject anyone who makes serious moves

if someone does have the guts to approach you he'll lowkey judge them

he's going to be subtle about it but he won't hesitate to point out their flaws and ruin their self-confidence

now if this is in canon, especially post-athyae...i don't think he gets jealous necessarily because he literally just hates himself so much that it would only make sense if you want someone else

i’m not going to describe his injuries in this because they're pretty horrific and you’ve all read the chapter but yeah. he genuinely does not believe that you love him when he looks like that

he went from constantly being praised for being handsome to people being horrified by half of his face (which is generally kept bandaged but still) so it is a HUGE change for him

he would require reassurance that you are with him for more than just his appearance and that you don't find him hideous at all

omg pls be nice to him fr he deserves better i think the only characters who can claim to be treated as poorly by the narrative as him are the haas twins 😔

[mosviqu]

IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH AND I HATE ALL OF THE THINGS I GOT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS ERA THEIR HARD WORK IS NOT APPRECIATED ENOUGH WAHHH

i didn't even have the motivation to check out the last song from them ngl💔💔very sad about them but maybe i will like it after watching music shows lmao i wont give up (fully) on the 03liners💔 WAITTTT TRUE HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT INTAK WHAT THE HECK I WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT HIM (and same i saw that they are having a cb and i was like:o i forgot about u guys:o) AN AMAZING CREW!!!! also would selfishly add enhypen sunoo he is a lovely 03 liner as well🥹 (idk know mcnd☹️☹️ i heard like 2-3 of their songs but i never checked them out☹️ BUT IM HAPPY THERE IS AN 03 LINER IN THERE!!!)

IT IS IMPORTANT BUT IM STILL NOT SURE IF ITS 100% TRUE😭 i love keeho so much like that was the point where i was like yeah u are going to be my fav from here!! seeing the screenshots of it still makes me laugh so much

i can imagine that😭 my sister was in the exact same situation as u💀

IT WAS!!!! dino is lovely and i would love to see u being his body guard ngl🤣 I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDNT DO IT💔💔just such a big heartbreak💔💔ALSO TALKING ABOUT TREASURE DID U HEAR THE SNIPPET HE POSTED OF A SONG??? it sounds very great imo

I CAN SO RELATE TO THAT!!! english is so hard without english classes i never realized that till now💔 i only talk in english with my sister but it's a mess i even just struggle to put together sentences now😭 writing my replies takes so much brain cells from me so i always just pray that u will get what i'm trying to say even if it's not correct lmao🥸 RECORDING VLOGS IS SO MUCH FUN!! i did it for a while and it was so amazing so i recommend it only sent them to my bestie but it was actually so funny😭 THE BRITISH PEOPLE GOT US REAL HARD💔

(AHHH THANK U SO MUCH;-; I APPRECIATE IT!!! HANBIN!!! I HOPE U WILL HAVE MORE MOMENTS OVER HIM LMAO HE IS VERY GREAT😌 although be careful with asking me about zbone members cuz idk three of them;-; but working on it🤞 and u can tag me or message me ofc i dont mind🥹💕) (liebestraum anon🥳💕)

LITERALLYYYY i saw a tiktok where it compared all the other dances where its a member x woman (ten or baek) and it said "so this is okay, but this isnt?" showing enha and the comments were like "we are the problem" LMAO so at least they are self-aware.

no because i was really disappointed too >:(( but the title track still slaps i said what i said. watched them perform it too and they have cute bubbly vibes i am heartbroken for the lack of interest from my side. NO BC WHEN I STARTED BIASING INTAK AND REALISED HE WAS A 03 LINER I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. ((still am a jiung girlie at heart tho). i am really excited for their cb tho it sounds amazing!!! HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT SUNOO WHAT THE FUCK AAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY he's my fav 03 liner. ((there are actually 2 03 liners in mcnd but i forgot the other one LMAO i honestly cant remember their names anymore but i had a very short mcnd phase lol. all i know is that i'd die for minjae thats all)

i would honestly be a good bodyguard bc i have a lot of rage in me. like i could fully fight someone if i was mad enough LMAOO. everything for dino baby <3 I DID SEE THE SNIPPET I LOST MY SHIT LOWKEY HIGHKEY I AM SO EXCITED AAAAAAA

i mean english isnt really hard for me if we are talking abt writing and stuff but speaking out loud is more difficult if you don't regularly do it >:( dont worry we are on the same wavelength i always know what u mean w your replies AHAH sometimes i speak in eng w my roommate bc she is an english major (she only picked the major bc of me and then i ended up doing psychology so i owe her this bc her english isnt as good as mine) I USED TO RECORD VLOGS W MY BROTHER but we never posted them thank god. i'm still down to do it honestly its so fun LMAO

hanbin.......i looked up his name on tiktok once and now my fyp is filled with him and im so in love he's so cute and adorable and sweet like i saw clips of ppl giving him letters and how much he loves getting them and even asked if anyone has letters for him please zb1 fans give him letters!!!!!! no bc i only know ricky, hanbin, zhang hao and matthew :,) but the more i see them on my fyp the more i am convinced to stan once they debut like i legit debated on watching boys planet yesterday bc i lowkey like survival shows but when i found out the eps are 2 hours long i decided to just....not...do that...

also a small update on the tbz recs i did some progress and i really liked diamond life and survive the night :p i have like 11 songs left from the ones u recommended LMAO but yeah i loved those two

[fantomette22]

Merci pour le tag! :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6 so far!

2. What's your total A03 words count?

66.5K! But well 31k are basically traduction so

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Bloodborne for now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A scholar's dream

A small hair ornament

The knight and the beast of cainhurst

Ballad of a hunter

Le rêve d'un jeune érudit

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! Sometimes I forgot when it's friends I talked in private with 😅 but yes it's important! ok maybe I did forget 1-2 but it's fiends I talked with anyway.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well maybe the hair ornament one so far ? Ahah. But I do plan to make some really more angsty!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well... hm I guess the one I am writing right now (a scholar's dream) will have the better ending of the trilogy/quadrilogy if I managed to write the other! But oh maybe the happy AU if I managed to write it actually. So actually right now it's the 2 one shots I will say (the knight & beast & ornament).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not for what I am aware of.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Cough cough no. Not yet at least. But I probably won't have the balls and the capacity to write and post it anyway.

but fantomette you literally wrote like 10 lines of-

>:I shhh!! I haven't even write all the thing that is suppose to be before anyway!

Also what kind? Hm idk normal basic stuff XD? Mostly soft and tender I suppose. I guess that would depends the characters too.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. Not so far but not really my style.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so XD

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I actually translated my own pics from French to English.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

That I read in fanfics? Idk Zelink? Yeah I think.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I guess my 4+ fics project retracing bloodborne lore... but I am gonna try. Or my original fantasy stories.

16. What are your writing strengths?

For someone who lack literature skills and didn't read a lot I think I'm doing a good job!

I can plan and imagined scenes very precisely and vividly! How? they came to me in a vision lol (for once day dreaming h24 is useful!)

I put good rythme. Both angst and serious theme but also funny things and the dumbest shenanigans XD

I guess the characters I wrote are interesting in characterisation! And I try to had as many details and references of the lore as possible.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Need a lot of motivation to begin to write. Write slowly. Low attention span. I'm more a science girl than literature girl, didn't read lot of books so I lack a few things, I do lots of faults. I don't have a lot of pretty poetic description. (I am more practical and prefer to go to a point.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Hm 🤔 I didn't do it yet and I guess I could for pthumerians language or Cainhurst. But because I am both writing a French & English version idk if it's wise to do it. And I want to be everyone to read so, yeah perhaps a few insult in latin XD Or sate "they start talking in another language" but I don't think I will do more than that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bloodborne

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I don't know yet. I haven't write a lot already after all. And writing is sure not my fav part.

@heraldofcrow @fareehaandspaniards @bimbomcgee @karnaca78 @lizteaart @katyspersonal @catcas22 @grollow

if you want too guys

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each ficl and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[caffeineaddicted-noonie]

Hi may I request maybe some Hc's with Tim and Jeff when their future s/o gets rejected by someone they liked on Valentines day?

That just happened to me and it kinda sucks so maybe some Hc's would help. Anyways thank you even if you don't do this and I hope you had a good Valentine's day.

I had to do this first...bc...i kinda relate. I hope you are doing well!! Forget about it and just- just- forget about it! I hope you feel better now ;[ Okok, here goes! 🖤

Oh Dear Valentine~

Tim Wright☕

"Are they not good enough for you?" his dark eyes showed frustration and disgust as he looks at the person who seconds your offer to be their Valentine.

+ before I elaborate, Tim is very overprotective. He really is. Overprotective of every one of your aspects. This includes emotion. + He despises this person. How could they reject your offer? They must be a fool + If he sees them around, trust me, he'll curse them. + He worries you hate yourself after this. How could they make you think such a thing...The fact that you were rejected doesn't mean you're not good enough.

+ He makes sure that they're the last person to reject you

"Love is blind...I made sure they are too, forever,"

+ ahah, is he a yandere? No, not to the max + Like I said, overprotective. He cannot live peacefully if the person who hurts you is still alive. As his future s/o, you're very important to him. + his love is passionate. No genius could describe it. Is it the dangerous kind of love? Only to those who dare to harm you.

"They are a blind fool I guess." he insults with a chuckle "If they weren't, why did they reject you? You are amazing and wonderful. If they don't see it then...I don't see the point in grieving on their stupid mistake..."

+ Words of affirmation. He comforts you with words, his charming speciality. Tells you sweet truths. From your perfections and flaws. [this might be how you pick up that he has feelings for you--]

+If you can't move on, he'll help you to at least let go. + What comforts you? He'll get it or do it! Cuddle? sure, he'd love that Comfort food? He'd cook it! + Ok, if you tell him beforehand to NOT kill this person, he won't. But! He'd go up to this person and argue about how perfevct you are and what a stupidly idiotic person they are :D

Jeffrey Woods🔪❣

"Are you joking? Repeat that.....Wait- They did what?" he snorts, not believing your words at all. That is until you cry..

+ He'll joke about the choice this person made. Trying to make you think that the problem was them not you. + he cares for you. Doesn't want you to think you are not good enough. He hates to see that. + So, he jokes about it. + The jokes he makes, will get a laugh out of you each and every time. + He wants to make you feel better and forget about the pain + He still doesn't understand who's more insane- him or them? + "His brain must be a cabbage pfft-"

"I guess they're fucking missing out on A LOT"

+ He's not good with words + But he tries. For you! + Would let you know how great you are and why. He elaborates on every point he has. What is this? A debate? + Elaborates on your time is too precious to be wasted on them + Again, love is blind. + Unlike Tim, he'll only traumatize them. + To the point that they'd regret they were ever born or alive at this point.

"Don't worry, you have me,"

+ He'd be with you through it. + If you're still sad about it, you can lean against him. You have a shoulder to cry on. + Babble all you want about it, he'll still listen. + Want to take your mind off it? He'll take you to your favourite places!

[This was very interesting and fun to write! One of my favs! I hope you like it as much as I do~ Have a great day and Take care!!]

[iamhereinthebg]

Can you analyze Kou too plz? I loved the one you did for Teru!

aaah thanks anon! 

I won’t really call it an analysis since this is mostly how I perceive the character (and I may be wrong ahah you know it’s easy to project stuff you believe on a fiction x’))

ANYWAYS

I really really like Kou too :D 

Kou is the perfect type of hero (I am talking about archetype). The loser who is not really strong at the beginning of the manga and wants to get better (big rip but that’s true, he is litteraly the hero of a shonen manga at first x’))). He is an exorcist and a bad one. He wants to be better at it, but he will probably realize it one day. Kou’s greatest strength won’t be being a good exorcist, because he just can’t, it doesn’t go with his personality and his goal. He has a mentor to surpass (Teru), things to prove to his big brother (and once again I do feel like Minamoto dad didn’t help I am gonna fight him) because he was always told that he was good at taking care of things alone at home and that’s all. 

His main goal is ‘I want everyone I care about to be happy’ and that means some supernaturals too. He will never be able to exorcist people he cares for. 

Kou’s strength comes from his optimism and his wish to make everyone happy. He tries so hard, he fails, but he stands up again and again and again. We see some scenes through his eyes. He is definitely not the brightest but one of the most nice and caring characters of the whole cast. He is genuinely kind and we know that a lot of people love him, even if he doesn’t make much sense Yokoo and Satou stay with him because that’s the kind of person you want to stay with. Kou is not an idiot either. He knows how to talk to people, what to say to cheer them up and he also knows what can be bad for them. He is the one calling out Number 3 in the picture perfect arc. He knows nothing good can come from a fake world and that fantasy is nice but will never be reality. And that reality can hurt.

 Kou is one of the character who thinks the most of others before himself. Even with his crush on Nene it was proven several times he doesn’t even try because he knows and understands that she either prefers Teru (bonus chapter with the king game) or Hanako (latest chapters) over him and because he doesn’t even see himself as someone Nene could fall in love with (Kou i love you plz love yourself)  Kou cares about others A LOT and does everything for them,to the point of forgetting about himself way too much. He has so little regard for himself. He knows near to nothing about supernaturals. He learns so many things at the same time as Nene. And coming from an exorcist family, this is not normal. Especially when you put him next to Teru. He doesn’t even seem to know his teacher (Tsuchigomori) is supernatural. If Kako rewinds time he is affected by it if Akane didn’t help him etc… He has a very low spiritual energy at the start of the manga. He is sometimes so simple minded that he forgets about the consequences of his act and is reckless, especially about himself. Jumping from the top of a building because he thinks that’s what number 3 wanted was a good example of this ahah. Even if he knows how to read people when it is about him he will always come to the most insane conclusion because he doesn’t think people would be hurt if he disappeared  Or he doesn’t think when it’s about him it’s because they genuinely love him and not because they want to use him for something (give him a little bit of self love plz). Number 3 had to call him out on this, and someone will have to do it again. Even Natsuhiko who knew him for like 2 hours noticed this and definitely used this as an advantage for his plan . Kou just doesn’t care what will happen to him if he can do something for someone else. 

One of my fav page about Kou and which explains a lot of things about him is this one

As Nene, he thinks it is better to live in a real world and thinks that giving it his all will be enough to answer Mitsuba’s wish and keep Nene alive. Even if you give your best sometimes it just doesn’t work, and supernaturals tend to know it, and mostly go by this idea. Contrary to humans they give up easily and always come to the ‘easiest’ solution, and that’s what Hanako does. In the end, once again Kou didn’t do anything about Nene’s lifespan, because Hanako didn’t believe in him at all (even if Hanako believes him for other things but that’s for another day, this is the same as Teru in a way ahah) 

Let’s come back to Kou ahah, 

Chapter 77 is one of my fav of the whole manga because we can clearly see how much Kou wants and how he finally says it in a way. AND HOW THIS IS FCKED UP HELP THIS KID

Number 3 NEVER said that. It’s what Kou thinks he wants, and the only thing he found to answer is ‘Mitsuba doesn’t believe in me’ (I am concerned for him).

He wants Teru to stop hating supernaturals, he thinks it would be easier if Hanako was an evil spirit he wouldn‘t have so much question about it he could just exorcize him, he wishes he wasn’t alone knowing all of this …

But at the end of this chapter he comes to the conclusion that his wishes just can’t come true (like most wishes in this manga). And he just learns so much in this arc, the red house arc was for the Yugi twins yep but the other main character was Kou and not Nene who wasn’t that pro active in it. 

(I am going crazy over this panel)

Kou also keeps a lot to himself. A plot which was brought up at the beginning of the red house arc is the hint Natsuhiko gave him, but that Kou didn’t have time to explain to Nene (thanks to Akane, and I want you to note how perfect the timing is that when they are talking about becoming supernaturals the person who comes into the room is a supernatural himself lol). The fact he seems to really want to become supernatural. Keeping stuff to himself, is posing a problem. He went against Teru which ended up in Akane, Teru and him being injured (or dead for the first two idk rip). Keeping the fact he talked to Natsuhiko before the severance is a problem too. 

I wanna talk a little bit more about his view on death and what he learned in the red house arc, because I hope, it will mean something. I do think Kou learned a bit that he mattered, or at least that people would be sad if he was gone (that’s a least what he tells everyone else I hope it implies a little bit to him too) 

First, he meets Sousuke’s mother, and he realizes that Sousuke is dead. He will never see him again, and he needs to hear Mitsumom say it to him to finally understand. He learned a real lesson of grief in this arc, and even more when he met his mom because he remembered what he felt when he lost her. 

The more he wanders into the red house the deeper his wishes are, the fact that the thing he wants the most is to meet his mom again makes him realize a lot of things. 

And he understands what others feel when someone dies. And that’s a big step in Kou’s mind I think. Because dying is not a solution, because if you die, you will leave people behind. 

He didn’t even think about it in the perfect picture arc, he just jumped. Didn’t even give a thought to his family when we know how much they mean to him and how close the Minamoto siblings are.

The thing he said to little Tsukasa just proves to us how much he grew in this arc for me. He understands now what could happen if he decided to disappear. So I hope he will think about it a little bit more. 

Now let’s talk about chapter 90 because this is a fkcing nightmare (don’t get me wrong I really love this chapter) 

Everything we ever knew about what Kou thinks about himself is said orally. He doesn’t care about himself, he thinks no one depends on him at all.. Dying is not a problem for him if he can realize his dream of making everyone happy. People baby him a lot too (and Number 6 does in this chapter). And wow he manages to deafet number 6 at the end :D And nope we can see that if Natsuhiko didn’t intervene he would probably have died.

Kou just makes me kinda sad. I really really want him to succeed, characters who try their best to save people/make them happy, deserve to succeed.

 This manga is just out here showing us that ‘no, life isn’t always a dream or a fantasy and that people who are too optimistic will probably not succeed (big rip)’ (that’s what we can guess from now but we are close to the ‘all is lost part of the manga I think so it’s understandable). And also that you aren't made for everything and that he shouldn't take things he knows he can't do. Unfortunately for Kou, He is really good at giving is all in everything, to the point of not keeping anything for him. But even if he tries tries tries most of the time he fcks up. And like, really fcks up. 

Telling little Tsukasa that Amane was going to kill him to protect him ended up as Tsukasa going back to be killed. Getting rid of Number 6 ends up as the broadcasting club using this to put an end to the barrier between supernaturals and humans. That makes me wonder if one day he will just really break because no matter how hard he tries in those big moments, he fails most of the time. (even if he doesn’t completely fail. He could show that he is capable of defending himself to Teru, and telling baby Tsukasa was really coming from a nice thought. Nene and Kou just didn’t take the time paradox and the butterfly effect into consideration but welp it is understandable.)

I kinda think Nene and Kou will manage to do things and succeed at this whole thing, because they are the main characters and the only two who are like this (and oh nevermind Akane is a little bit like this too but that’s for another day, when I will be done with everything I wrote about him ahah help). It really depends on how AidaIro wanna finish their manga and what kind of messages they wanna show us

I hope this text makes a little bit sense x’) This is what I think about him and why I think he is great ^^ I really really hope he will understand how important he is to others because this boy needs therapy oh boy. 

 I will stop here for now, I didn’t go in that much details for the beginning of the manga but I really like Kou as a character he is just.. so genuine. I like him very much, he is one of the best written character in my opinion ^^

Thank you so much for the ask anon and really sorry again for the long answer dshkjdhsjk

[icharchivist]

ICHA ICHA ICHA! How do you like GranFes so far??? I am in LOVE with the Relink trailer, it looks so good! The new Versus does too, but I'm a bit bitter that they're releasing a whole new game to buy all over instead of adding to the existing one, ha ha,,, AND THE COSPLAYERS ARE SO HOT???

HEYYYYY!!

I like it a lot!! it's been a whole time of fun and it's always impressive!

the trailers are amazing, i'm genuinely sooo into the relink one and i really hope to be able to play it.

On Versus, it looks hella cool but yeah, i agree with you, it's a bit bitter to know you gotta buy it again... though i would assume there will be something for the people who already have the base game or something? Listen i'm just glad the gbvs only people are going to stop complaining about rollback, this was a thorn at my side lmao

I've been in love with the hologram shows, they're all full of life it's so fun to watch!! and the fact we got Eternals: The Boysbands edition is worth everything. I feel like for one minute we got sent in Seofon's dream dimension or something because i don't know how in our reality Seox or Feower could have been blackmailed enough to accept to do it, but i'm so glad for the fever dream.

and the cosplayers ARE SOOOOOOO HOT IT'S INSANE. Everytime i see them my jaw drop!!!

Yesterday i was talking on here about how just, unwell i was about Fediel's cosplayer, she's so hot and for what??? but tbh all of the dragons are INCREDIBLE, they look straight up out of the VN it's uncanny.

I love to see the oldie cosplayers come back too, the dragon knights and the society's cosplayers are always fun to see around, seeing the fox family always makes me teary, and BOY the wmtsb gang knows how to offer a show. The Belial cosplayer lives in all our mind rentfree ahah.

Also huge shout out to Lyria's cosplayer who captures so well what it is to be The Babiest Baby You Would Die For (And Already Have, Twice). Like i see her and i'm just "oh yeah me too i'd die for her, great job". She makes me happy everytime i see it.

also omg the fashion show was such a cool idea??? it was so wild to see recreations of costumes that only appeared in obscure promo arts from the way back, and it was so amazing to see how all those cosplayers, who have been trained to behave like their characters so much, wear it with so much grace and elegance and, so in character. It's so amazing.

Also huge shout out to THE SETS????? Like holy shit the whole Canaan's stained glasses are eVERYTHING, the huge statues of Bahamut, Galleon and all, are just so fucking gorgeous, and i'm always in love with the café and the sets made to hang out. It makes the whole environment feel so real it always look so dreamy.

And personally i'm a huge fan of the seiyuu shows, as a big seiyuu fan, and one of my fav seiyuu was on stage today so i was really having tunnel vision LMAO, but the games were sooo fun and i loved to see them all blatantly cheat at weighting plushies. I can't believe we're getting rewards out of it. (and also i want the Galleon big plush so bad after all of this, they're taunting me so much).

And the announcements!!!! The New class is so cool, Vikala getting her 5* was long overdo thanks god, AND LU WOH!!!!!!!!!!! Would almost forget he was planned at this point i'm just so glad he's not a fever dream LMAO. And personally i'm just thrilled because while Seiyuu fans have been theorizing ever since he came out, we didn't know his seiyuu until now, and they confirmed it's, also, one of my fav seiyuu, so now i'm forced to stan harder than i did before 😩✌

but even without the seiyuu angle i'm just so glad he was finally announced, it's been long overdue and i sure hope he saves Light from the state it's in right now.

That said they're keeping some announcements for tomorrow and i'm SO curious about what's to come. It's so bewildering to see so many things come out of all of it! And we're likely getting the anni trailer too then so i am really curious what it will be!

so so far i've been having a total blast and i cannot wait to see what awaits tomorrow :3c

So glad to hear you're having fun and i hope you'll enjoy yourself tomorrow too!!

take care!

[animatedarchives]

HEY SOPH !!! HOW AM I ?? I COULDVE BEEN BETTER BUT ITS ALL GOOD AHAH but yeahh in all seriousness,, im doing finee hehe im alive and healthy and i hope you are too 🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️ im currently on school break and the weathers been rainy here but im loving it SO MUCH !! its always so hot so its nice to have it cooling every once in a while,, esp now that its nearing christmas !! i dont celebrate it and idk if you do but merry early christmas 🎄☃️ oh man the weathers so perfect to cuddle up against someone IM SO TOUCH STARVED 😭✋🏽

and omg yes !! i saw that youre writing for so many more fandoms aND IM SUPER EXCITED !! ESP FOR JJK !! when i first viewed your acc yest night and saw your new layout with gojo as your pfp and everything MANS FREAKED OUT HAHAH i was like "an opportunity to talk to someone about it ?? not just anyone but literally ONE OF MY FAVE 🤩🤩 WRITERS ?? YES PLS !!" i cannot wait for tonights ep !! but waiit i heard someone on tiktok saying "last ep of haikyuu and THAT ep of jjk tonight" AND IM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT !! WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY "THAT EP" ?? WHATS GONNA HAPPEN ?? i havent read the manga and im so scared 😫😫

also yeapp i saw that youre doing a prompt event but if im not mistaken, all of them are taken? idk i didnt see any left so i wasnt sure if i should request or not ☹️☹️ but if youre feeling up to it and have time,, i was wondering if you could write anyth for kenma? idk its just hes kinda like my comfort character ig,, along with suga and yams !!

bUT OKAY YES I READ THE IWA FIC JUST THIS MORNING AND SJSJSPSB NO WORDS i just cannot believe that you thought of me when writing it 😢🥺 and i literally dont mind i died HAHAAH I LOVE ANGST ITS LIKE MY FAVE TYPE OF GENRE ?? idk if its a genre but yeah !!! i know hes just a fictional character but when you included the necklace i was like "omg he gave that to me,, im literally y/n" AS IF I WASNT DELULU ENOUGH 🤢🥴 I LOVED IT SM BUT OKAY I KINDA TEARED UP sO after that i went to read your jjk one about gojo at the theatre and so cute OMFG and then i went to read like the facts about you omg youre so cute !! but i can write more about that in another post im rambling too much here 🙊🙊

as for the emoji,, i think i wanna use this one: 🌊 !! its in my fave colour blue and i love the ocean !! even though i cant swim 😬😬 i hope its not taken 🙏🏽🙏🏽 but yeah thanks for taking your time to read this,, hope we can talk more !! love ya !!🥰❤️

OKAY WAIT IM GOING TO REPLY THIS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY HAHAHAHAHAHA 👁👅👁

oH NOOO im sorry you werent doing super well but im gLAD THAT YOURE MUCH BETTER NOW!! im on my school break rn and im chiLLiNG so i am doing vERY WELL HEHE and omg SAME its so damn hot where i live (but it has been raining more often so it’s cooler LOL) but yES I DO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS AND I LOVE IT A LOT TOO christmas is truly my favourite time of the year because it just gives me sUcH cozy and loving vibes and i just- 🥰🥰

YESSS IM SO HYPED FOR TODAYS EPISODES TOO I CANT WAIT TO WATCH THEM AND YA IM SO DEEP INTO THE GOJO BRAINROT PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT HIM (AND MEGUMI I LOVE HIM TOO) AS MUCH AS YOU WANT 🤩🤩 i already read the jjk manga so i kNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT ANIMATED WHEEEE ✨✨

oh yAA my prompt event was first come first serve and unfortunately kenma didnt get a slot bUT im planning to write some fluff for him soon for my friend’s long overdue present LOL so look out for that 👁👅👁

I SNORTED WHEN I READ “i literally dont mind i died” HAHAHAHAHAHHA I DIDNT MEAN IT AS IN I KILLED YOU JUST WHEN I WAS WRITING THE NECKLACE PART I WAS LIKE omg i remember that anon i wrote for 🥺🥺 but yes bb i could never forget you especially after you were so incredibly sweet to me 🥺🥺🥰🥰

thank you for sticking around for so long it truly means so much to me and the fact that i’m one of your fav writers and you even remembered my lil ol blog and came back to check on it when you got tumblr again mAKES ME WANNA TEAR UP 😭😭 i love you sO MUCH i hope you’re having a wONDERFUL DAY and pls come back any time you like okay mWAH 😙❤️

[joanna-lannister]

we already know you ship jxc but maybe tell us why and some of your feelings? fav scenes or aspects to their relationship?

Hi Nonnie!

To be honest, I wasn't sure if your message was an accusation because you were the anon whose sent me the cersei x euron ask and you ship it or if you simply ship Jaime x Cersei and were curious why I ship it too lol. I'm always cautious when I receive that kind of ask ahah and sorry for the late reply, I've spent too much time writing it.

So here I go!

First of all, I think this is the most important ship in the show I mostly speak about the show because I haven't read all the books yet with Ned x Cat (I could add Rh*egar x Lyanna but I don't ship it). Without them, no story because no war of the five Kings. And by that, I don't mean ''Cersei wanted their bastard(s) on the throne''. No, I mean people like Littlefinger (or Varys, Stannis and Renly to some extent) found the evidence of their dirty little secret and used it to start a war for their own profit. Littlefinger comploted with Lysa Arryn to kill her husband and then let the Starks believe that the Lannisters were responsibles of that murder.And Jaime pushing Bran out of that window to protect them lead that spark. Without that defining moment, Cat wouldn't have tried to search proofs in the tower, wouldn't have gone to King's Landing to warn Ned, wouldn't have kidnapped Tyrion and hurt Tywin's pride, Ned wouldn't have found Jon Arryn's researches and confontred Cersei about Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen being bastards, etc.Littlefinger said "Chaos is ladder." and he was right, this relationship lead to the actual chaos in Westeros. You remove it from the equation and you lost a big part of the story. I wish some people could see that.

This is something they both want. People will say : "But this is unhealthy!!! Well sure, Jan but this is Game is Thrones ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ What do you expect? Even then, shipping something doesn't mean accepting everything they do and frankly, unlike some people like to believe, it goes both ways with these two. So yeah, this is something they both want, they said countless time they love each others. Hell, even Jaime told this to Edmure and said he can laugh at it if he wants to, like "eat it, bitch !". Jaime wants to marry her, he's angry when she refuses and jealous af. It's worse in the books but we can see it during the season 7 with Euron. And he's ready to give her another child after Joffrey's death (I wanted by the way making a gifset with this quote and when Cersei tells him she's pregnant with baby!Lannister in the S7 but I forgot because I'm a dumb bitch... 🙄). As for Cersei, she choose love over the kingdom, she choose to have her children with the man who made her feel safe, not her abusive husband, Jaime gives her the little agency she can have. This is terribly human...

Forbidden love! I'm such a slut for this trope and honestly, Romeo and Juliet are pretty boring next to Jaime and Cersei. Well, I remember back when I watched The Borgias and I shipped (and I still do!)  Cesare and Lucrezia, I used to feel so ashamed for shipping them but now, I don't care. Yeah, I love this trope and shipping is supposed to be fun. Give me two persons who romantically love each others but aren't supposed too, hello the angst! I'm on board! After all; We don't choose whom we love.

Time. They spend their lifetime together! This is another trope I love. They are born together and they are obsessed by it. My romantic ass can't help but loving long-term relationship. They can't see themselves without the other (if this phrase makes sense) and it makes me laugh when people say "Jaime is so over Cersei ass" sorry but hello? They lived for 42 years together, have been involved for almost 30 years romantically, had 3 (almost 4) children together and you except him to forget her just like that? LMAO

I think I could add more reasons but this is really the first ones that pop into my mind and if I keep going, I will never finish...

As for my favorite scenes :

The Reunion in S3: This is by far my fave! The look on their faces OMG... especially Cersei, she looks like she can't breathe. No words needed or big love declaration, simply their faces. That's what I call good acting. Oh, I remember this fanart, where they fall into each others arms, it was so pretty! I felt robbed after seeing that. But I don't remember the author. 😭

The Morning After in 7x03: I know most of the fans hated this season but theses scenes were pure bliss for me and I was ready to take every crumbs I could have. And oh God, this scene looked like I wrote it myself. And the maid... I want her face when she saw Jaime in the bed on my grave, I will never be over this!

The Moment After Cersei Told Tywin The Truth in 4x10: Well, it was pretty hot!

The Hug in 1x03: Same as the one above. And I think Jaime's quote sums up their relationship : And if he does, I'll kill him. Him, Ned Stark, the King... the whole bloody lot of them, until you and I are the only people left in this world.

That Scene Just After Jaime Came Back with Myrcella in 6x01: Cersei is devasted by Myrcella's death, she's depressed and it breaks my heart everytime. 😭 And at the same time, it's a beautiful scene but yeah, I always end up in tears.

And so many more! I could also talk about the moments when they are apart and think/talk about the other. Theses little clues people barely notice. Like Cersei, talking to Sansa saying Jaime was with her during Joffrey's birth, or saying to Tyrion she wonder what Jaime is doing, worried, or saying to I-don't-remember-who he's not been forgotten, or just before they reunite, when she's looking at the shell, I can't stop thinking this is a reminiscence of their childhood at Casterly Rock (I know someone else wrote that too not so long ago). Or Jaime, saying to Jory Cassel (I think) that Robert is humiliating her by whoring in front of everyone, or when Roose Bolton tell him that Stannis attacked King's Landing but he failed and that Cersei is safe, Jaime fell on his knees, everyone think it's because of the loss of his hand and he's exhausted by the trip but he's simply relieved that Cersei is alive. All these little things...Yes.

There is one micro moment from the books I would have loved to see on my screen tho, that kiss Ned catched during the Hand's tourney. He see Jaime kissing a woman and we all know it's Cersei disguised, but not Ned. It's short but I really love that moment.

I wish GRRM could write a book only about them to be honest, at this point. There is so many possibilities and I have so many headcanons. This isn't nice George, make a girl happy! I also think there relationship is more toxic in the books than in the show and they freaking need to talk! And my stupid romantic ass also want them to have a happy ending sometimes, I can't help myself, even if I know it's not gonna happen. Oh, and I also think their fate will be slightly different in the show but I could be wrong.

Yeah, I really love them. I have to admit that sometimes, it really piss me off to see how people treat them, the double standards they instaured between these two make me want to gouge my eyes out and I'm disgusted by the fact they want them to f*ck someone else, especially while Cersei is pregnant. 🙄 But at least, I stay in my lane.

Honestly I could add other stuffs, I want to but like I said I will never finish this post otherwise... But here's my opinion. 😊

Have a nice day! ❤️

[ccorneliast]

okay y'all I'm well aware that our anniversary was two days ago but I only got around to it now. Im so glad we all found each other!

Kam ( @prncsolorgana ):can't believe we actually only know each other for two months bc my love for you feels endless. I never get tired of our skype chats (and it never gets awkward amirite) and the tea you spill (see what I did there ahah). You are one of my best friends and I'm constantly in awe of your beauty and talent. I can't wait to hang out with you so we can watch mamma mia and belt out all the abba songs we can find, lust over Indy and have our lil girl talks irl. also, we need an epic hug asap. you're the Meryl to my Carrie and I love you endlessly, Kammy girl ❤️ Angie ( @soreidy27 ): mOM!!! holy shit you are a sassy bitch that is not afraid to cut a hoe. you are a hidden gem, your inner beauty and love are inspiring to say the least. You truly are the closest thing I have to a teen mom, always looking out for me and helping me make the best decisions. You truly make my life better by just being in it 💕 Cass ( @theorganasolo ): my space twin, you are the one, bitch. I feel like we literally were separated at birth, from our love of granddaddy and Star Wars to Taylor Swift, Disney, Prince Harry and Titanic. Like how ??????? You are one of my fav people in the whole world (do you know how big the world is? thaT'S RIGHT BITCH) not only because you are kind but also because you're hella fun and the thirstiest of all the bitches. I love you passionately 💗 Nor ( @hanorganaas ): my one and only big sister, I am so blessed to have you in my life. I can't believe it's a year and half after we met and I couldn't be happier to be able to call you my friend. I'll never forget how sweet and welcoming you were to me when we first met and I'm so glad you stuck with me all this time. Thanks so much for all the amazing convos about han & leia and just life in general. u rock & i love u 🖤 Mary ( @mary-twig ): my sweet girl, you are one of the most attentive and kind souls I've ever encountered. Your love for your friends is immense and you show it every day. You make it a priority to make everyone feel better and good, even if you yourself are not. you value people and that is one of the most wonderful traits anyone could ever have. never let that lil light dim 💜 Ash ( @hansoloorgana ): Ashley, one of my carrison buddies almost since day 1, you are so much fun to talk to and a beautiful person inside and out. I'm so glad we got to know each other better bc tita here had no idea what she was missing. your Harrison pics give me literal life (u know what I'm talking about) and your support means the world to me. you're one of the bestest out there 💖 Jazz ( @kyberheartford ): SPACE SISTER!!!! our chats about bad accents and soap operas are the shit. our shared love of 80s and 90s stuff is insane, long live Patrick's and Tom's wives amirite. one day we'll hang out and you'll teach me that cool ass accent of yours cause it's way too good. I'm so damn glad we met cause now I can't not talk to you every time Patrick Swayze appears on my feed. 💘 Taylor ( @friskynotebook ): one of the og sisters, your help in the beginning of this wild ride (aka carrison fandom lmao ) was amazing. Thanks for helping me get started and for reading what I write. from one T to another, i 💞u

[junhuisflower]

11 Questions

more like 22 questions for me 

So, I was tagged by @rapmonphile and @chim-jiminie-cricket to do this ask tag! (a long long long time ago but I really wanted to do this so i hope you don’t mind me suddenly popping in your activity with this) but yeah, thank you so much cuties!! 

A. always post the rules. Answer the questions then write 11 new ones.

B. Tag 11 people and link them to the post. Tell the person who tagged you that you’ve answered their question.

I tag: @peachymyg  @yourhopeyourangeeel and @rainjimin hope you guys don’t mind! Just though this was fun! 

My questions: (im putting my questions at the beginning cause this is gonna be a long post and this way, if you don’t want to read it, you don’t have to scroll all the way down to get to them ^^)

1. Who’s your bias group? (if you have one, if not then next questions are for you!)

2. Top 3 fav girl groups? And your bias from each group?

3. Top 3 fav boy groups? And your bias from each group?

4. Who’s your ultimate bias?

5. If you could say anything you want to your bias, what would you say? (I hope it’s okay to copy your question Chim! I just think this is such a cute question and I really want to see what others have to say!)

6. Favorite kpop music video?

7. If you could only listen to one BTS song for the rest of your life what song would you choose?

8. Favorite BTS album? and why?

9. Favorite lyrics from BTS?

10. First member that caught your attention in BTS? Why?

11. Who from BTS would you rather have as your brother?

CHIM’s QUESTIONS (ah idk your name so I wrote Chim! Hope you don’t mind)

1. How did you discover BTS?

Well, I first heard of them through an account here on tumblr (i don’t remember her url, but it’s from the artist Laia López, @itslopez on ig) and she started to reblog bts (specially jungkook) and her drawings of bts were so cute and i decided to give it a go at the time but I didn’t pay enough attention to them I guess (STUPID ME) and then this year I don’t quite remember how I actually started to actively listen to bts but here I am! (I think it was because some other accounts I followed turned into kpop ones too and I think that Laia also was posting more about Tae and I got curious again and yeah!) 

2. When did you become apart of ARMY?

February this year. I’m a baby fan, I still have so much to learn and see/watch omg so many bangtan bombs I haven’t watched yet for example askfdghsgfhg

3. What was your first k-pop song from memory?

I think my first kpop song was either Fire or Dope, and it was like early last year, but I only got into kpop this year. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG OMG WHY DID I NOT PAY ATTENTION TO IT AT THE TIME?!?!

4. Do you watch anime? If so, what’s your favourite anime?

Not really, no. But I’ve been meaning to start watching! I really wanna watch Attack on Titan, I heard it’s really good.

5. How many biases do you have, who are they (kpop in general)? 

omg, okay SO:

for BTS Jimin is my bias, but Jin is wanting to share the throne tbh

then Wonho and Hyungwon (I really can’t decide and I honestly bias everyone in Monsta X most of the times)

in got7 is Mark and Youngjae (but Yugyeom and Jaebum are testing me……. and also i love Jackson’s humor and Jinyoung’s sass and BamBam is the cutest…… i basically love everyone okay)

Jae from Day6 and Chen from EXO (but i still don’t know much about them and their groups)

6. What would you say to your BTS bias if you ever met him?

there’s so much I would want to say to Jimin… but mainly that I love him a lot, that he genuinely makes me so so happy and I’d thank him for everything. I would want to tell him that he is so talented and hardworking and that everyone values him and he is worth so much. I’m so proud of him and I feel so happy for him and for everything he accomplished so far with his brothers. I would tell him to take care of himself, cause he’s health is important and I just want him to be happy and healthy.  But in reality i would just say something really short and shy like “I love you so much! Thank you for everything!” and just die of embarrassment ahahah 

7. Would you rather date or become best friends your bias? 

honestly don’t know ahah I first would like to think that he would like me enough to be my friend. Aaaaah i really don’t know but tbh it’s easier for me to imagine me dating Jin than me dating Jimin, idk why??? I mean thinking about dating Jimin is awesome but I something tells me we would work better has best friends

8. What is your favourite song at the moment? (I have 4)

All In - Monsta X

Never Ever - GOT7

Cactus - A.C.E

REALLY REALLY - WINNER

9. Do you know any K-pop choreography? If so, which choreography?

Oh god 😂😂😂 I have tried to dance to some, but nope I can’t dance. The only kpop dance that a kinda know (and really badly) is Baepsae

10. Do a lot of people you know in real life also listen/enjoy k-pop?

No, no one actually… Which is kinda sad tbh cause sometimes I wish I could talk about it with my friends and like share the excitement but they think kpop is weird. And even if they don’t like it, I wish I could talk about it, make references about it or even have bts/monsta x/any of my biases as my lockscreen/homescreen without hearing some dumb comment about it…. because apparently having the people/person that inspires you and makes you happy and that you love as your phone backgroud is something childish and weird -.- Even the other day, I had a monsta x home screen and a friend saw it and was like “uhm why do you have 1d has your background???” and I said it wasn’t and their response was  “oh they’re the 1d from korea” and another friend just said “that’s even worse” like why??? Why is it so bad? Even when they just ask “who is that?” like its not the question but the tone they use….  im sorry about the rant, but this actually makes me sad :( 

11. What k-dramas would you recommend to everyone? 

I don’t watch kdramas… 😥 I really want to tho… But I still haven’t had the time and I actually don’t know where to watch them or what to watch, so like if anyone wants to help I’d be really happy and love you forever!

MAGS’ QUESTIONS

1.What is your favorite BTS music video? 

hmmmmmmmm tough question……… I adore Blood, Sweat & Tears Korean ver. (cause it was the mv that got me into bts and I was mesmerized by it), but I NEED U and RUN are pretty awesome, specially I NEED U omg it always gets to me

2.Who was your first bias in BTS, and why did he catch your attention?? 

Rap Monster! Cause he was the only face I could recognize in all the mvs at the time and his lips and voice and just the way he rapped “peaches and cream, sweeter than sweet, chocolate cheeks, chocolate wings” just made me melt right then and there, I would literally go back on the mv just to listen to that part countless times

3.Who is your BTS bias now? Any bias wreckers? 

Now my bias is Jimin. My bias wrecker is Jin.

4.Who are your OTPs? Namjin, Vmin, Yoonseok, Yoonmin

5.Who in BTS do you think has the best style?

hmmm that’s a hard question…. But if I really had to choose, personally, either Jin or Hobi. But we all know that Tae is the fashionista

6.Name 5 of your fave BTS songs:

Baepsae

Wings

You Never Walk Alone

House of Cards

Hold Me Tight

7.If you could be in a relationship with any k-pop idol, who would you pick, and why? 

This question is hard, like really really hard and I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and there were several idols on the list ahahah but I think I would pick Jin, I just think he would be a really caring and supportive boyfriend, always there for you and always looking out for you. Pretty romantic and cheesy sometimes and I like that (even though I sometimes say that i don’t). His hugs would be the best, really affectionate too! Dad jokes, I love dad jokes tbh so yeah lots of those if we were in a relationship ahah. Also, I feel like he would be the type to buy you flowers and well I love love flowers! And not to forget that he cooks, so bonus points for that! (also i have this ideal date with him on my head that would consist on cooking with him and just being all lovey dovey and lots of laughs and !!!! aaskgfdjh) . 

Idk there’s a lot more about him that makes me think he would be a really great boyfriend but I would be here for ever if I wrote it all ahahah also some people say is vanilla in bed but i disagree okay!! I think he would be somewhat dom! an he would be into pet names okay?? okay!!

8. Fav BTS era? either fire or run era 

9.Who in BTS do you think would be your best friend? 

idkkkkk, ah i feel like neither of them would like me enough to be best friends with tbh….. Hobi maybe? or Tae? I think that we have some things in common. But then thinking more about it, Yoongi reminds me a lot of one of my friends and we get along really well, so maybe Yoongi would  

10.What’s your fave hair color for each member of BTS?  

Jin - BLONDE 100% or that pinkie shade from bst

Jimin - black is the nº1 fav but i fell in love with Jimin when he had pink hair soooooo that one is also my fav ahaha (shoutout to the silver hair and orange hair too tho)

Jungkook - I love that black with purple tones or something that he had in Dope era, a lot!!

Tae - I really like to see Tae with light brown hair tbh he looks really cute like that

Yoongi - black hair on him it’s my fav look but i also really loved the blonde hair during Agust D

Hobi - i really like to see him with black hair but he looked really good with orange hair too

Namjoo - i love joon with silver hair and light brown (dark blonde??)

11.Pick 3 members of BTS to go on a vacation/road trip with: 

hmmm probably Jin, Hobi and Namjoon 

[icharchivist]

Thank you for answering the previous asks and hope you're prepared!

How much, out of ten, are you of each winter troupe member?

Have a good day :3c

ahah thank you for doing that all the way!

and oh boy i thought i was prepared but turns out-

okay notewise.:

Tsumugi: 7/10, Tasuku: 3/10, Homare: 4/10 Hisoka: 9.5/10, Azuma: 10/10, Guy: 6/10

(if you're supprised Azuma is actually my ultimate kin and it's not Hisoka: congratz i fooled all of u. the only reason i don't have an Azuma icon is that i genuinely think he looks too sexy in some arts and it doesn't feel Me despite everything else. The more u know.)

And. i need to warn that i went much more into personal details for Hisoka and Azuma under the cut to the point where it may be overwhelming. And that Azuma's entry alone is 2.1k words long. What the fuck me.

Relating to team "we have so much trauma" is going to be so much fun.

coughs, anyway take care :3c

(Links: Spring, Summer, Autumn , Winter ranking)

Winter my beloved, this is going to be a normal, non emotional ranking at all.

Tsumugi: 7/10 I relate to his lack of confidence, and the way he gave up on everything he loved when his spirit was crushed (re what I was talking about with my Kumon rant). On my down time I did study a bit of psychology and though I wouldn’t put myself at the same level as a psy student I’m often told I read people mostly in an accurate way so I can relate to that. I can use my powers for Evil like nudging people in some direction or knowing where to attack, but I am super aware of that and I’ve been extra conscious about not having it happen again for over ten years now DLKFJDLF (Azuma is kinda like that too). But yeah the fact he is like that too makes it relatable.

I also think that the whole “feeling you fucked up and took all the responsibility when a friendship broke apart” is also something very relatable. So is “ghosting your friends after that”. I relate to the fact he’s a nerd too. I relate to him more than not but I guess I just removed points because of how while I relate to specificities the whole thing doesn’t connect as much as it could?

Tasuku: 3/10 he’s probably the one I relate the least to. I honestly didn’t understand Tasuku much until Nocturnality on my first read, and it’s only then that things clicked. Legit I saw him the way Azuma saw him dLKFJDKFJDF. But I do feel it relatable that he feels responsible for failing his friend and that he took it upon himself to try to read more into how people are behaving to try to prevent it from happening again. But else he’s. genuinely not like me KDJFKLDFJDFL

Homare: 4/10 mhmm. I think I relate to the way he is passionate and how much he genuinely loves. I also relate to the fact he is pretty analytic, though the details of what makes his struggles are not something I relate to easily. I have felt broken before, I was told i was broken or unfit in some ways, so this particular pain is something I completely understand. I also did use to be an artist and a writer so I can relate to that passion of his, although as I mentioned in others ranking *shrugs*. That said he’s very much more exuberant and confident than I am and I would assume I know how to deal with people emotionally a bit more.

Hisoka: 9.5/10 oh boy where to start. This is going to be a tough one to get into without getting extremely personal. To start with, I’m a sleepy baby. I sleep a lot DLKJFDF though not much at night. I used to fall asleep in class all the time my friends had to always be on the watch out for me. I don’t have much energies. I love plushy and I love being comfortable in some places. I also really love sweets tho not as much as him. I also do care ways too much for my specific plushies and pillows (I do have huge penguins plushies too).

I, too, have memories issues, though of course to a lesser extend. I have a lot of trauma and for a lot of them I ended up getting fuzzy memories. I used to be in a pretty toxic environment where I constantly had to make use of my memory to survive, and so when my memory started failing me, I was terrified. My parents gaslight me all the time and pretends a lot of things that happened didn’t happen and that I’m crazy for believing it happened, so the moment my memory started to fail me I started to panic a lot. It terrified me to not being completely sure whenever I could trust myself or not. It made me feel extremely unreliable. It’s still something I struggle with a lot.

This would have been my answer pre-awakening moon at least. I always related to him to some degree so Awakening moon was a slap in the face in a way I wasn’t ready to deal with, and this is where I have to be uncomfortably personal.

I am the youngest sibling of 3. My eldest sister ran away from home when I was 6, never to be seen again. My other sister resented me because I used to be very close to the eldest and she was jealous about it, and while the reasons were linked to our parents, who were extremely toxic to us and kept us into this toxic environment for years on end, my sister took all her anger out on me. While we’ve discussed it as adults now, our relationships is too strained to fix it nowadays.

It took me a long while – it took me Azuma’s arc actually – to realize that the way I feel for my eldest sister is more akin to grief than to abandon. I don’t even remember her. I don’t remember her and still apparently the way I was close to her was the reason my sibling hold it against me. I couldn’t even remember *why* my sister was mad at me because I don’t even remember being close to my sister that much. All I know is that she left because the situation at home was too toxic. It was.. so messy.

I have. Much more trauma linked to that specifically but that’s the root of something that hit me in the face with Hisoka’s arc. Because I can’t remember a person that disappeared from my life, and yet it was enough for it to break and shape everything I’ve lived through since. I couldn’t even start to talk about how it still impacts me now 20 years later. I’m just now making peace with the fact this was grief. This is the gist of the reason Hisoka’s arc hit me as hard as it did (and the fact that Chikage is actively undoing all the bad things his own grief pushed him to do on Hisoka is the reason Chikage is so compelling to me. My sister could never lol.).

I felt also that I had to take all the responsibilities for what happened. I felt like I could make things easier for the family after this trauma, at the rip age of 7, and no one stopped to think maybe a child shouldn’t have to be dealing with a collective family trauma like this. But well. Here we are.

I relate to the fact Hisoka also struggles to accept everything that happened. And that now he’s trying to make things better for others people he can relate to. It’s so… complicated.

Also I can’t forget the fact Hisoka tried to kill himself and :/ as someone who has had a lot of suicidal idealization in my life this really hit a lot harder than it should have.

In general I would just say that socially I’m not really like him except with people I’m comfortable with teasing. Hisoka can be a little too rude and it’s where I can’t relate lol. But otherwise man I care him so much I feel so seen. I’m just removing 0.5 points for that and I don’t give him full mark because of what I’ll explain next.

Azuma: 10/10 This one is going to be a trip. It’s about twice the length of the Hisoka’s rant. Mister took me by the throat too. As I think it’s clear now I cannot relate to the fact he genuinely loved his family and how much his family cared for him. Yet I relate… to about everything else.

On the surface I do think I seem more approachable and easy to talk with. I try to be the kindest person I can be, to not be judgmental. I’m conflict avoidant, just like he can be, and if I’m annoyed with someone I’m muuuuch more likely to use passive aggressiveness like he does with Tasuku when he’s pissed at him. (sidenote: I do find it funny that Tasuku was the only character I really felt I didn’t get until Nocturnality, while Azuma was having the exact same problem, and then he became one of my fav the moment it clicked. Azuma is my braincell.)

More often than not, there’s a smile on my face and I try to be soft in the way I can be. I’m generally pretty calm, I’ve been told I was soothing, or give good hugs, this sort of stuff.

Now onto the heavy stuff.

I have a lot of nightmares and night terrors linked to a lot of my traumas. I’m honestly scared sometimes to go to sleep ^^”. But in general, if Hisoka reflects a lot of a personal trauma and how it would personally affect me, Azuma reflects a lot on how I would behave with others people in general and especially when I’m unwell. I’ve coped most of my life with, everything that happened to me, by just. Trying to keep people at armlength. I don’t want to let people close to me, especially irl. Discussing all of that online gives me a distance that allows me to discuss it but, I remember in high school I was going through very bad things, and a few years later I was hanging out with a friend and I happened to open up about those things. And she was going livid because, she had known me for what, 6 years at that point? And she never knew any of this. We talked a lot then, we were close, but she never knew all those things about me until years later. It kinda scared her because to her I was always a sweet and cheerful person and she never expected that I was doing this badly. I remember then she brought up something we discussed back in a party with many of our others friends from high school and similarly they were all. “how did we never know any of this.”. Seeing Azuma in Nocturnality kinda brought me back to that convo tbh LKDJFLKDFJFD.

But I’m good at pretending I’m closer to people than they think. I’m an excellent listener. A lot of my friends tended to rely on me as the person they could talk about their problems to. I used to do it much more back then but I also used to pour a lot of energy trying to make it easier for people, solving their problems. Full on Therapist Friend:tm:. It does help that, as I said with Tsumu, I have basis in psychology so sometimes some observations I can make help much more than expected. Just like Azu tbh lol.

Oh also I am cuddly with my friends in general. I’m super touch starved but also to the point I feel uncomfortable to seek hugs because I just don’t get any on a normal basis and my body isn’t used, but I’m super cuddly and when I’m with my closest friends I’m like a koala.

And it gives people the impression to people that I’m very close to them because I know them well, and I know the ins and outs of why they behave the way they do. But. I kinda feel like it’s one sided more than not. And it’s all because of me, because I keep my walls up very high and it means people don’t generally expect that I’m hiding things.

I’m good at distracting too. I don’t relate to how flirty Azuma is but I keep seeing it as him distracting others. It’s flattering, and just embarrassing enough that the person ends up dropping whatever they may be pressing on Azuma to talk about. And, while not with flirting, I do that a lot, especially using compliments like that. (That said my kindness or teasing has been misinterpreted as flirting before DLKFJDLKF I’m trying to be extra conscious about not having that misunderstanding happen nowadays but man it happened a lot).

Azuma knows a lot of people, and has been supporting a lot of people, but he doesn’t let people in as much.

And a lot of it is linked to his own sense of grief. Of the fact he has lost so much he can’t afford to go through the pain of losing something again, so he distances himself from it before it can hurt. And I do that a lot.

I mentioned in the previous rant but it’s seeing Azuma’s arc that made me understand how much it’s more grief than abandon that makes it so hard for me to move on. And a part of me kinda just. Grieves the family I could never have, the normal life I wish I could have lived and clang too all of my life. When Azuma told Guy “I was always so lonely. Everyone had families they could take for granted but I had no one.” Oh my god it destroyed me. And how he mentions just afterward that while he has new people to rely on, it couldn’t change the fact he was still feeling this pain of losing his family and it just. Man. Might be crying right now.

It’s like… I think the reason I especially related to that is that, in therapy I’ve often discussed my problems in the lenses of neglect and abandon but the problem with that lenses is that, at least with the therapists I had, they tend to focus on the fact that therefore I /must/ be still yearning for them to change and turn around, like I could change something. But I don’t. I was resigned at some point. And it’s really only when I read that that I felt this exact resignation I have been feeling all that time. I think I mentioned once how reading a3 felt like going one step toward recovery I didn’t know I could get and this was exactly the scene I meant. It legit took a weight off my heart that i've been carrying for decades. It was the strangest feeling in the world.

Anyway more in general too, on top of keeping people at distance, I am also a pro at “suddenly disappearing/ghosting when I get too close and/or have a relapse”. When Azuma starts to pull his relapses like we see in Nocturnality, I see myself. Legit had a friend who read a3 who called me out about that DLKJFDKLFJ. Acting weird like this, closing yourself in like this, coming back to some harmful coping mechanism as a way to connect back with your own self, those are all things I do. And it sucks. Like. The things I put my friends though sucks. But I really can’t help it sometimes.

I’m good at listening and observing, I’m generally good at picking up why people act a certain way, but I’m still very distant. I do everything I can to pretend I’m not distant and generally it fakes an idea of intimacy that I don’t specifically see as such.

And I see all of that in Azuma in ways that are terrifyingly relatable. Another thing Azuma says in this convo with Guy, about how “Everytime I would go to sleep, I would wish the morning would never come” me. Mood. Holy shit. Feel seen. I hate it. Just in general though the way he talks about morning as this terrifying thing is me. Between the night terrors and the fact morning genuinely makes me feel horrible, that’s kinda why I end up oversleeping until the afternoon DLKFJDF Azuma my lord I feel you.

Because of my nightly panic attacks I do try to come up with ways around it mainly by drinking some relaxing tisanes and stuff. Oh and I did have a huge period in life where I HATED being in the sun, and I fucked over all of my melanin because of that. as a kid I would tan very easily, but now the sun hates me as much as I used to hate it. So when Azuma is a drama queen about not wanting to stay in the UV too much I’m just like. How dare you pull out a mirror on me I didn’t ask for this. (also I have been called a vampire by people esp when I was a teen but that’s just how people called edgelords like me. Still. Reo my beloved.)

There is honestly so many little things with Azuma that reminds me of myself like this that it makes me go nuts. If Hisoka is who I relate to in term of specific trauma and how I cope personally, Azuma is more like, the direct physical impact of my trauma on me and the way it makes me relate to others people, as well as just every little behaviors here and there that are just so specific.

One of the only thing I really don’t relate to Azuma about is his love for Alcohol but I think if you replace it with like, my addiction to juice it works out the same.

Oh and, that’s a stupid but funny thing to me, I project hard on how much the reason he keeps his hair long is a form of mental stability for him, because I legit keep my hair long for my own mental stability. I have tied ways too much of my recovery process to my hair that when I see Azuma coping with grief with his hairstyle and how almost cutting it would be him spiraling down, I felt seen.

also i have 0 stamina just like him.

ANOTHER THING is also the fact Azuma is genuinely yearning for connections with people but he spent so much of his life keeping people away that as much as he’s yearning for it, it takes him so long to be able to lower those walls because he’s been so used to keep people away that he can’t reply to this yearning. And the way how, once he actually ends up feeling this bit of vulnerability toward people, he would suddenly shut in like it suddenly scares him? Mood.

One last thing (i promise) (i think) is that, if it wasn't obvious from all my ranting.... So much of myself and the way i view myself is defined by my trauma. I struggle to exactly come to term with my identity in any shape or form that isn't deeply related to my trauma. Even if you asked me what my sexuality is (please don't), my actual answer would be completely shaped by the fact i have so much trauma linked to sexuality, romance and gender, that i don't want to process it at all and can't actually manage to "fit the boxes" because i cannot see myself as something else than my trauma, or explain my feelings without linking it to my trauma. Honestly at times i find it kinda cringeworthy from me because i really, really can't tell about anything about my identity without thinking of my various traumas (i talked about a few of them in those rankings but it's not even the tip of the iceberg for a lot of stuff.) And when i see the way Azuma is in particular, maybe i'm projecting, but i feel like a lot of it is the same. Like not processing his age because if he does it reminds him of how he outlived those he loved (which is an headcanon but com'on.) or how even his hair is linked to his trauma. Or how he doesn't drive because it's linked to his trauma. I feel SO seen.

If it wasn’t for the fact he genuinely loved and was loved by his family, I would have felt exactly the same about everything regarding him.

But I still give him a full mark because the way Azuma’s arc has affected me is beyond any possible words I could use. And also because I legit wrote above 2100 words just on how much I related to Azuma ALONE. Even Hisoka took me 800 WORDS. HELLO. Guy: 6/10 Back to general coping here, Guy isn’t exactly relatable to me except in well. For exemple the ways the others relate to him, especially Hisoka and Azuma. So his memory loss to cope with intense family trauma is relatable to me, the way he can have nightmares and night terrors is also hella relatable to me.

But something that’s more Guy that I relate to is the whole “Step dad kept talking down on him and verbally abusing him until Guy basically completely closed himself in” because man. I won’t elaborate but I’ve really felt from reading that verbal abuse the same way I felt thinking back to how my ex-step dad used to talk to me. It made me so angry on his behalf. And the way he internalized it to cope was something deeply relatable.

Another thing with Guy is the fact that Guy did genuinely believes himself inhuman and tbh there was a time when I was very young where I would catch myself unable to feel a bit of humanity mostly from how I kept shutting myself in. (The reason I don’t relate to it with Homare is that this “inhumanity” was never actually there even if Homare did believe in it. But for Guy he went the extra mile convincing himself to the point where he denied this humanity as far as possible in a self destructive way and :/).

SO YEAH Winter is like. Therapy for me. The problem with “Trauma: The Troupe” is that saying “I relate to the Winter troupe” means “I may have problems and so what.” And it sucks.

if you read that wordvomit, congratulation, was it worth it?

Take care!

[spaceghostboy]

Maybe Pidge finding Matt? For the fanfic thing? And finding out her father is gone? So it's a happy and hard reunion knowing she might never get her father back

yeah! (also pidge is my fav)

Pidge woke to a grinning Lance shaking her shoulders. “Pidge!! Get up! Come on, wake up!!” Lance excitedly squealed, attempting to pull Pidge out of her bed. “Wh-what? What’s happening?” Pidge stood, and groggily rubbed her eyes. She stretched and yawned. “Lance, calm down. Calm down. Explain to me why you’re waking me up so early?” Pidge crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Lance. She yawned again, then looked back at Lance. “Oh, you won’t believe it!! Coran and Allura found out where your brother is!! We can go rescue Matt!” Lance jumped up and down, smiling. As Pidge processed that last sentence, her eyes widened. Then her eyebrows bunched back up, “You better not be messing with me!” Lance stopped bouncing and gasped, looking genuinely offended, “Why would I joke about something like that? I’m not that mean, Pidge. I swear, it’s true!” He looked like he was telling the truth. Pidge’s eyes widened again, and her smile almost quite literally reached her ears, “Oh god, seriously? That’s– that’s awesome! I can’t– Wait. Does… does that mean I can see my brother??” Pidge’s stomach flipped. “Yup!! And there’s PLENTY of extra rooms in the castle, and Matt could stay in the one next to you!!” Lance grinned and hugged Pidge tightly, “This is so awesome!” Pidge looked up at Lance, “When are we going to get him?”

“Oh man, Pidge! I’m so excited! You’re gonna see Matt!” Hunk exclaimed, over the microphones in their helmets. The Paladins were in their lions, flying through space to the location Allura and Coran had informed them about. Apparently, the Galra ship was sitting in one spot, taking a break. “I brought tissues.” Keith chuckled. “Aw, man! I wish Coran and Allura could have come! They would’ve loved seeing you two reunited! But they have to be boring and watch the castle.” Lance huffed out the last sentence. “Yeah, they both would have cried. But it’s just us five. Man, I wonder if Matt’s okay…” Shiro said, chuckling a bit. Pidge snorted, “Shirooo! You’re gonna see your true looove!!” She laughed. Matt had had a crush on Shiro for years, and she could kind of tell that Shiro also had a crush on Matt. So, of course, Pidge teased Shiro a lot about it. “Uh, what? Wh-what are you talking about? Matt’s not my true love!” Shiro stammered. The rest of the Paladins knew that Shiro was blushing. “Haha! Yeah, right, Shiro. Everyone can tell. You two were meant to be togetherrr!!” Lance laughed. “Guys!” Hunk interrupted. “That’s the Galra ship! Matt’s inside!” He exclaimed, pointing to the Galra’s ship. Pidge gasped, then covered her mouth. Matt was inside. They were going in to rescue him. Finally, Pidge would see her brother. A hot tear slid down Pidge’s cheek as she smiled into her hand. “Who wants to stay in the lions?” Shiro had asked. No one wanted to. Shiro sighed, “Okay. Let’s go.”

The Paladins dropped into a corridor from the ceiling. It took a while for them to sneak their way around the Ship and find prisoners, but they eventually found where the prisoners were kept. Pidge led the way as she crept down a hallway, whispering Matt’s name every few seconds. Looking for Matt took a long time. Pidge started tip-toeing down another corridor, and when she turned to her left, her breath left her lungs. Matt was sitting, staring blankly at the ground. His hair was unruly and dirty. Matt was wearing a shred of purple shirt over a dark purple full-body suit. Pidge could see his ribcage quite clearly, and his cheeks were so hollow. “M-matt?” Pidge whispered, her hands shaking, “Is… is that you?” “Who are y–… K-katie??” Matt’s voice was fragile and shaky. He stood and shuffled to the transparent door of his cell. He scanned Pidge’s face, and tears started sliding down his face, “Is that really you?” “Y-yeah! We need to figure out how to get you out.” Pidge studied the door for a second, then poked it. It shocked her, “Owowowow.” Pidge looked around the corridor, searching for something…. Ahah! “Matt, back up. Hunk, can you come look at this?” Pidge pointed at a small sphere in the wall, near the ceiling, “Does that look like a button?” “Hmm… Kinda. But it looks more like a scroll-thingy, I’d say.” Hunk nodded with approval at his observation. “Hunk, can you lift me up to that… ‘scroll-thingy’?” Pidge asked. “Sure!” Hunk smiled and picked Pidge up and lifted her to the button. “Hm… What happens if I do… this?” Pidge scrolled up, using her finger. The cell door to an empty cell across from Matt lifted up. “Oh, then I need to scroll… that one!” Pidge pointed at a button that was next to the cell across from Matt, “Hunk, buddy, can you carry me over to that one?” “Yeah!” Pidge scrolled the other button, and Matt’s cell door lifted. He cautiously stepped out of his cell. Pidge dropped out of Hunk’s arms and ran to Matt. “I thought I’d never see you again! I thought you had forgotten about me!!” Matt exclaimed, and he shed even more tears. “I would never, ever forget you!” Pidge cried into Matt’s shoulder. She felt a monsoon of hot tears soak into Matt’s clothes. “Uh, hey guys? Sorry to interrupt, but we should go.” Shiro nervously informed them. “Sh-shiro?” Matt looked up at Shiro, wide eyed. “Can we do this later? Maybe at the castle?” Keith suggested. He was trying to hide his tears.

The Paladins and Matt searched for an exit, and soon found one. They all got into their lions, Matt riding with Pidge.

As soon as they entered the castle, Pidge and Matt collapsed and cried, relieved that they had found each other.

[icharchivist]

Soo finished Autumn and will start Winter tomorrow so i can take a “slight break” in between those.

Then I have about 17 chaps of Winter unlocked and then i have... over a hundred of backstory to read a ha ha ahah

But anyway an Autumn billan is that i’m still so proud of them all. 

a3 works its characters development really well and it always ends up being a very emotional ride.

I guess i’m too biased bc I do largely prefer the thematics of the Summer Troupe so i cannot help but compare, but Autumn did a pretty great job with its own thematics.

Autumn was a bit more individualist than Summer or Spring was - which is fine, and was very well handled, and still balanced out with Banri and Juza’s dynamic of being always one against the other to finally being with each other’s tunes.

There is a bit of this always competition underlining theme that is well worked on with them.

Huuum the thing is that Summer was specifically about all the members coordinating with one another and specifically, Tenma learning how to lift up the others. He was the leader but he was so he could lead where the attention should be, on the others.

Autumn is a lot more individualistic even if they all work each other out. The idea was always about them being better than the other as individuals. 

Even Omi, who is clearly the one who cares the least about competition, is specifically in to develop his own individual sense of desire instead of living for the dream of a dead friend. 

Taichi’s whole storyline is rooted in his individual’s journey and ultimately it’s coming clean with the fact he wants to be in the group that helps him grow.

Likewise Sakyo had to grow on his own and specifically had to take steps to “embrace the stage”

But the focus was specifically on Barni and Juza’s personal growth and individual journeys and how they balance each other as individuals. 

Another thematic of Autumn is the one of regrets and i think it works too with the cycle of seasons going on so far. Spring was hopeful and blooming and discovering themselves. Summer was learning about oneself, connecting, having fun. Autumn meanwhile dwelves much more in the regrets of the past, of what the characters wishes they could have done or not.

And it works out well with their personal growth as it is.

In the begining of the story i admit i really wasn’t into Banri at all and i complained about it dljfd but his development was stellar and i’m very proud of him and now i can say i really like him. He’s grown as a leader the moment he accepted how regrets can lead you forward. Also accepted that he can still work toward something and all.

Juza comes as my unexpected sweetheart here since i’ve grown really found of him as it goes. He seemed a bit trapped into what society had forced into them... in fact, all of them kinda felt like they were trapped into what people forced them into. But they’ve all been actively trying to grow out of that and the thing is that almost everyone bring up Juza as being the motivation behind that.  and i find it fascinating.

Taichi’s story was heartbreaking. Omi’s backstory had me cry into puddles. Sakyo is a fascinating character. In a whole the Autumn troupe is made of interesting people.

It seems tho that most of the dynamic of the troupe was Banri and Juza a each others throats and the others doing damage control until near the end where it was all about them taking individual responsabilities. 

They’ve grown together, but i’m looking forward to see more in team development.

One of the highlights that i missed from summer (probably my only real pet peeve with Summer ahah) was... that we see more of Spring and Summer (yeah so in the end i’m still Summer biased huh).

Summer made me forget at time that the Spring charas were supposed to live with them and that was a bit of a problem :/ 

Autumn meanwhile really took a lot of time to have the two troupes be there in the background, even sometimes just to set the mood of a scene. Also extra-dynamic with the troupes with Itaru/Citron/Banri gaming together or all the plot around Yuki and ofc Muku and Juza. 

Which is very appreciated and felt refreshing. We’re really building a family there.

As a whole yeah i’m not as much of an emotional wreck as i was during Summer though but it’s because Summer’s tropes specifically talks to me personally as my fav tropes while i’m more interested to Autumn on an analytic standpoint than an emotional one.

Still, it was a great lot of fun and i loved every seconds of it!

Half of the Winter Troupe had been introduced now soo i cannot wait to see them. I’ve grinded enough the backstories to be curious about all of them and what’s to come, but i’m especially curious about Azuma bc,,,,, i’m v weak for him,,, And the play planned for Winter is actually one that attracts my attention the most... it seems so pretty and sad at once.....

That’s also from the season cycle right? Spring was youthful and friendship based, Summer was humouristic and escapism, Autumn was mature and action packed, so now Winter is coming and i suspect it’s going to be melancholic considering the plot of the play... and i can’t wait to see how they handle it.

Oh and the whole mess with the God Troupe: Come fucking fight me yourself Reni you bitch. 

That will be my concluding word on it *nods*

so, tomorrow winter *nods nods* 

...... and then backstories and i will have done the full content of the game......

ah a hahha funfact i had a one week “holiday” from uni that was done specifically for us to study and i didn’t work at all and it’s all subjects i’m a bit failing into so it’s Kind Of A Problem but just thinking about working on them froze me completely so ooops. Getting a new hyperfixation always stops me from being able to focus on anything else it’s terrible.

But here i am *finger guns*

Anyway Summer Troupe still best Troupe. Love u Autumn though. Love u Spring too. And I will love you Winter. I know it.

anyway now peace out sleep oy ✌