#my family in india sits on the floor to eat dinner while my family here eats on the dinner table.

[dancing-with-stars]

do you guys ever just sit on the kitchen floor and suddenly feel like everything will be okay?

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 121

Insert Winter Holiday is here, again!

I’m queuing this ahead of time, and I originally had a really cute message about the end of the year. Then, I realized what year this is and said “Yeah, nope. Not jinxing it, will not have the actual end of the world be my fault.”

I am going to leave it at this: thank you to @baelpenrose, @raven-fae, and @charlylimph-blog for all your help with this story in 2020. Thank you to every single one of you who bombed by notes this year when you found The Miys. Thank you @janeshadow for talking me into getting off my rump and making the story easier to navigate.

Standing to my feet after putting the last dish in the oven, I couldn’t help but smile as I looked around my quarters. Despite the fact that we had forgone a tree this year for Insert Winter Holiday, there was a definite festive feeling as everyone packed themselves in as much as possible. Derek had clearly found my lights again, as they circled every public space in my quarters, including the kitchen.  Furniture was pushed as far against the walls as possible, and everyone had been advised to bring their own cushion to sit on.

In the two celebrations since waking up on the Ark, dinner and gifts had largely been a smaller, more typical dinner-style affair.  However, without my noticing, my family had grown exponentially since then, and this year finger foods passed from hand to hand as everyone relaxed and chatted. Charly, Tyche, and I took turns in the kitchen, with Hannah waving us all three to sit while she checked on something in the oven so that we could rest and enjoy ourselves, too.

“Where’s Derek?” Charly asked as she approached me to take her shift watching the last batch of food bake.

“He isn’t great with crowds, so he and Sam already came for lunch and to exchange gifts,” I explained, stroking the scarf they had given me. “They already left and took Mac with them.”

“Aww, they’re hogging the Christmas Cat… No fair!” she pouted comically.

“Eh, Mac’s not a fan of crowds either. Besides, I’m pretty sure someone gave him cheese - again - so I’d rather the little gas bomb not be here tonight.”

“Fair enough,” she laughed before popping me with a tea towel. “Go! Your turn to socialize and cuddle!”

I held up my hands in defeat before carefully picking my way around people. Coffey was gracious enough to take my hand and guide me around him and over to where Conor and Maverick were guarding the astonishingly huge pile of gifts. Arthur was nearby, arguing with Conor and trying to drag Simon into it every chance he could. The topic sounded like a rehash of the one regarding fortifications, only this time it was Fortification Redux: The Plant Edition. “We’ve already confirmed there are no megafauna on Von!” Arthur exclaimed wearily. “Not even vegetarians. Why would we need fortifications?”

I could tell Conor was just provoking him when he lazily waved a hand. “It’s psychological, to make people feel safe. Besides, agriculturally, it serves as double duty.”

“He has a point,” Simon conceded, wincing when Arthur turned a playful squint his direction. “He does!”

“Whatever,” Arthur surrendered with a mock-sulk. “Sophia…”

“You know where I stand on this argument, don’t even try it,” I laughed as I dropped in between my partners.

“You wound me! I was going to offer to whip up some goulash, but now I don’t think I will since someone thinks she should accuse me of such atrocious crimes.”

I rolled my eyes at his theatrics. “Whip up whatever you want, I’m done with kitchen duty, and so is Tyche. Charly’s on her last lap.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Maverick laughed, catching Coffey’s careful eye on his beloved bundle of energy.

Arthur practically leapt to his feet. “That decides it. I am so offended by Sophia’s accusations that I am going to share the kitchen with Miss Chaos Incarnate and leave you all to wonder what wound up in the food.”

Tyche tipped her head back to scowl at him from where she was draped across Antoine’s lap. “If I find a single eyeball…”

Muttering something suspiciously close to “Dammit”, Arthur prowled across the room as though the entire floor wasn’t draped in legs and people.

I opened my mouth to whine about how he could do that, only to be cut off when a piece of pastry was stuffed in my mouth. Grievances forgotten, my eyebrows shot up as I chewed. “Tyche! When did you make donuts!?”

“It may have involved time travel,” she waggled her fingers at me. “But no blood magic or ritual sacrifices, swear.”

I could see Antoine shake his head before responding over his shoulder. “She made them this morning.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Travelling forward through time is still time travel, mon coeur.” He tapped the tip of her nose with one finger, eliciting an expression from her that promised swift and painful retribution.

A soft rustle of fabric caught my attention, and I turned to see a pile of purple and jade-green silk land beside me before a long, dark braid came into view. “The donuts are quite delightful,” Parvati declared as she yanked Xiomara down beside her in a graceless heap. Grabbing a dark brown one from the plate, she popped it in her lover’s mouth just as Xiomara was about to complain. “That one is a Black Forest, I believe. You’ll love it.”

“Careful on those,” Conor warned. “I think they’re half booze.”

“I only soaked the cherries in kirsch,” Tyche corrected. “Not the whole thing.”

“So yeah, half booze,” I corrected.

Giving her most fearsome scowl, Xio snatched the rest of the Black Forest donuts off the plate and balanced them in one hand.

A squeal of laughter interrupted our shenanigans, and we whipped our heads around in time to see Hannah holding a plate of mini-Wellingtons over her head without even looking, while Charly struggled to get up from where she was sprawled across both the other woman’s lap and Coffey’s.  Zach stared at Hannah like he just saw his first sunset, and Maverick snorted behind me.

“He is such a goner over her,” I heard him say, followed by a light smack.

“Because I have certainly never seen you look at Conor or Sophia in such a way,” Parvati added lightly. “And obviously not when Conor is baby-talking to the plants around the ship, or when Sophia is so busy working she will eat whatever is handed to her.”

He buried his face in the back of my hair before squeaking. “Nope. Never!”

I twisted around so I could see them both. “Wait. When did this happen?”

“Three times a week, in your office,” Tyche interjected in a bored tone. “And pretty religiously.”

I felt my face heat up. “Does everyone know about this except me.”

Xiomara nodded furiously, cheeks plumped out and a suspicious number of donuts missing from the pile in her hand. Parvati shook her head at the antics and smiled gently. “Someone needs to make sure you eat… He brings you gyoza, and you don’t even notice. It’s quite adorable.”

Conor laughed. “She’s got you there, love.”

Eyes flashed as four heads snapped around to him. “Oh, don’t think you’re off the hook, mister!” Charly scolded at him. “He does the same thing to you. Those little pasties you like so much, with the potato and onion.”

Maverick groaned his embarrassment into my shoulder, while Conor’s smile faltered. “I would remember that,” he insisted.

“Not even once,” Charly confirmed.

Rather than being embarrassed, Conor just laughed again and reached to drag us both over to him. “I don’t know how someone so tall can be so sneaky, but I won’t argue.”

That moment was when Arthur decided to return, a trail of slurps in his wake as he handed out goulash. “No eyeballs,” he sighed dejectedly as he handed one to Tyche.

“You guys are no fun,” Charly muttered as she took her own bowl.

Poor Simon eyed the offering hesitantly. Arthur gently wiggled the bowl at him. “I promise, you’ll like it.”

Carefully, as though it would explode at any moment, Simon took the dish and managed a small bite.  After a few seconds - presumably to confirm there was no trick - he chewed and immediately started bolting it down at a rapid pace. “I thought it would be spicier,” he admitted as he snaked a hand out to grab another.

“That would be the paprika.  Really red, not really spicy.”

Maverick laughed as he took a bowl, but poked it with his fork before wrinkling his nose. “Sorry, Arthur, not happening.” No sooner had the words left his mouth than Simon’s hand darted out again, eliciting laughter from everyone.

Arthur shrugged, well aware of Maverick’s food aversions by this point. “It’s not for everyone. You keep your tofu, I’ll keep my goulash.”

Not long after that, the last of the food was gone and dishes were cleared. Hot drinks were handed out by Zach and Conor, and then it was finally time to exchange gifts. Baked goods from Tyche made the rounds, along with beautiful accessories from Parvati, carefully curated books from Alistair, plants from Conor and Sam, and more.

At one point, Arthur was staring at his gift from Charly like it would bite him. “It’s… a pen?”

She nodded, producing a small jar of black ink from somewhere. “A fountain pen, with black India ink. I made them both myself.”

Arching an eyebrow, he brought the pen closer to examine the engravings. “An otter… with a sword?”

“With a saber,” she corrected. “I tried to make it look like yours, but do you know how hard you make it to get a good look at that thing!?”

“It’s literally on display in my office when I’m not practicing with it.”

“And how am I supposed to get in there when you aren’t? You booby-trapped the door!”

“Wonder why….” he mused with a small smile. “This is very intricate,” he finally admitted.

“Consider it an apology for the other ones.”

“Oh!” I realized.  “Give me just a second, everyone.”  Scrambling, and with nowhere near Arthur or Tyche’s grace, I managed to make it to our bedroom to grab an armful of boxes. Once I was back at the doorway, I peeked around the stack and smiled. “These are from Derek, with a little bit of help from Hannah.”  Checking names, I distributed the boxes before making my way back to my spot.

“This is… It’s so soft!” Parvati exclaimed. “And the colors are beautiful!”

I smiled as I rubbed the scarf I wore. “He wanted to show his appreciation for how welcome he feels, even if he was overwhelmed at the idea of being here.”

Hannah nodded as she brushed her scarf against her cheek. “We worked on these for months, but I didn’t realize he found time to make one for me… All the colors and patterns are different for each person, by the way. They’re meant to show us how he thinks of us.”

Conor held up the green and orange fabric that his box revealed. “I love it, but I’m confused.”

She rolled her eyes, and tapped her own scarf. “This goldish-brown is my eyes, and this olive green are the clothes I usually wear.”

Coffey’s laughter rang through the room as he unfolded his to see a pattern like Neapolitan ice cream: Rich brown, bright pink, with white swirled throughout. “I think he nailed it.”

Antoine’s head tilted until it almost met his shoulder. “Our eyes… Every single scarf has the color of our eyes in it.  That must have been so hard for him to do.” I could see what he meant - Derek did not look people in the eyes, as a rule.

“He wants us to know that he sees us, and that he likes that we see him,” Zach shrugged. When we all stared at him, he just blinked. “What? You don’t work with him as much as I do without figuring those things out.”

Without exception, everyone wrapped their gifts from Derek around themselves before the next set of gifts were handed out. “These are from me,” Arthur explained. “Hopefully I got it right.”

Like Alistair, Arthur had gifted everyone a book, but rather than a book that furthered a current interest, he had sought out historical insights into extremely niche topics for everyone. Some made pretty obvious sense - a book on the historical events leading to and the impacts of the Harlem Renaissance for me, a book on the evolution of law in various cultures for Xiomara - but some were far less obvious.

“A book on Roman law?” Charly asked, confused.

He reached over and tapped on the cover. “Specifically, this is about how much of Roman law was the result of litigation, with some pretty hysterical results. I think you’ll get a huge kick out of it.”

She cracked the book open to a random page and looked at it. “If you weren’t home when you were subpoenaed as a witness, you didn’t have to testify, but if you didn’t the person could stand outside your house and - “ she snorted before continuing in a fit of giggles. “Yell at you… for no more than three…. Three hours a day, three days a week - “ another snort “for up to a year!” She wiped a tear from her eye and surrendered to her giggles. “Oh that’s amazing! Thank you!”

Charly wasn’t the only one laughing. Even Xiomara was snickering. “That is an incredibly specific law.”

“Absurd laws are best laws,” he shrugged.

Eventually, all the gifts were distributed, but nobody was in a rush to leave. Instead, we lounged around, quietly catching up and talking about our plans for the upcoming ‘year’. At some point, Insert Winter Holiday had, unanimously and without fanfare, become the end of the year celebration on the Ark, even as far as the Council made plans. With that in mind, we were taking a chance to celebrate our continued survival for yet another cycle, and tried to look forward with optimism toward the next one.

I just let the feelings sink into me, enjoying the presence of the people who moved into my life.  Had I been asked fifteen years ago where I saw myself in the future, ‘on a spaceship, as the last of the human race, about to colonize another world’ would have been nowhere on that list.  But here I was, with a larger family than I had ever dreamed.

Despite all that we had been through, I couldn’t wait to see what the future would bring.

 (A/N: Keep your eyes out for an announcement on New Year’s Eve!)

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[mendesstories]

Homesick

summary: she’s homesick and he cooks to comfort her 

When she was 15,  Adeya Malhotra visited Toronto for the first time with her family. The city’s effortless combination of urban hustle with an enduring love for life fascinated her. 

As she walked along the streets the jingle of the glasses from the pavement cafes echoed with a jingle in her heart. Her eyes stared up in amazement with her spirits soaring, as she watched the CN tower light up the Toronto skyline along with a string of other ambitions in her mind. 

There was an inconsolable longing in her heart to come back here someday but on different terms. On her own terms. She swore to herself then and there she would put in all that it took her to make this city home. 15-year-old Adeya had more faith in her future self than anyone else did. 

Now at 22, after years of having faith and five months since she graduated, she has her degree, her new job, she has Shawn of all people by her side, she has a loving and supportive group of friends that feel like family and she lives in an apartment that she has adorned with her own sense of minimalism that she believed oozed comfort and coziness.

For nearly three years, the thought of finally moving out far away and living on her own motivated her especially when it came to preparing for her business studies exams but then the real world welcomed her. She can’t deny that she did struggle for the first three months after the big move.

To her, it was similar to the first time stepped into an ocean. From afar, the golden sands and waves lapping on the shore seemed blissful and relaxing but once she stepped into the water she realized it was actually cold and it suddenly seemed uninviting. It was uncomfortable, but then, slowly her body adjusted.

Suddenly, she was faced with struggles of finding time to clean between classes, doing her own laundry, making appointments and finding out how expensive food actually is. 

She had to figure out balancing her academics with work and social life. Then, it occurred to her how she may have taken her family for granted. 

Keeping in touch too much made her feel the distance even more. So, she forced herself to draw lines and raise walls. That part came a little more easily than it should’ve, she’d always struggled opening up about her inner battles. Now, she told them even less about her problems, not wanting them to think she became weak the second she got here after wanting to move for years. 

She convinced herself saying there wasn’t much they could do anyway, all the way from India. 

The occasional sadness crept in when she saw little moments and milestones on her sister’s social media and she wished she could be there but for the most part of the past four years, she’d gotten used to the distance. 

Except for today, all day long little things reminded her of home and her family. She tried to push those thoughts away only because she knew if she entertained them, she would only let herself get distracted and feel out of place where she is. 

—

That morning, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror ruffling her hair. She adjusted her blouse as she put on her heels standing slightly taller. 

She smiled picking up her red lipstick remembering how her father would nonchalantly ask her whether she was attending a fashion show every time she put it on when she was younger.

At work, the entire team was gathered outside the room waiting to make their presentation. 

It was only her second major proposal and although she was as prepared as she could be, she couldn’t stop tapping her foot against the hardwood floor. She prayed silently, hoping all the hard work from the past few weeks would lead to something fruitful.

She gave her colleagues a grateful nod and mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ as she grabbed the tea they picked up for her. She almost instinctively scrunched her nose as she sipped it, wishing she could have an enticing cup of her mum’s chai instead. 

The chill Toronto evening air made goosebumps rise on the exposed skin of her arms, as she passed through the Square making her way back to Shawn’s for dinner.

Adeya was enveloped with the sounds of cars and footsteps clicking against the pavement. Despite her line of sight being encompassed with the swarms of people ahead of her, her eye caught the Indian family taking pictures near the 3D Toronto Sign.

Seeing the two children who seemed to be arguing over the camera brought a smile to her face reminding her of bickering with her sister over the stupidest of things. 

She looked ahead walking as her mind trailed off thinking of how she would sit at the dining table for hours, eyes turning red and yawns slowly interrupting, with her father solving math problems. 

How her mother used to fret about her not eating enough on the daily and how her sister jamming out while she was trying to finish her projects would irk her/

Back then, all those things used to make her roll her eyes, press her pencil and sigh exasperatedly but now she wishes she could be transported back to those moments.  

Adeya’s mind blanked for a split second feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiousness. She wished she could ignore the growing heaviness of her heart but it nibbled away at her continuously and she had to acknowledge it.

She misses home. She’s homesick.

—

The minute she walked through the door, Shawn could tell something was off. Her slumped shoulders and the heavy sigh leaving her mouth, both dead giveaways, as she closed the door behind her and walked through the passage. 

“Hey there rockstar,” She joked spotting him leaning against the wall. 

He held his arms out to her and she walked up to him lips curving into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and melted into his embrace.

She buried her face into the crook of his neck while he placed his hand on the small of her back. “Hey darlin’, everything alright?” He asked

She only groaned in response. He released her from their hug and lead them towards the couch. She gently nudged him backwards signalling for him to lay down and then she placed her head on his chest. 

“You want to talk about it?” He suggested not wanting to force her but letting her know she could open up if she wanted. 

“I don’t really know,” she trailed, her fingers twirling around his medallion, “This is where I hoped I’d be someday, but I just miss my family and being home. I mean.. I have you, your family and all our friends here but I just miss them, ya know?” 

His eyes softened listening to her confession understanding himself from first-hand experience how hard it is being away from family but at least when he came home it was to the same city he grew up in. 

He could quickly drive over to see his parents, his sister and to her. He understood it wasn’t that simple in her case. She would have to take a long flight all the way across the world to be able to see her family.

Shawn took her free hand into his, “That’s alright hun, your home will always be your home, and that’s irreplaceable… the same goes for your parents and your sister, your bed and everything else back there, but all of them and all those memories and things will still be there when you go back.”

She hummed in agreement knowing this was only a fleeting feeling, “You know during my first week of college here, I got so stressed and lonely and I was on the phone with mum and I refused to tell her what was actually up. So, decided to just stop for a second make an effort and go have coffee with someone in class and that’s how I met Alexis.”

He chuckled listening to the story of how she met her best friend. He didn’t like seeing her sad, especially in a situation like this when there wasn’t much he could do considering asking her parents and sister to get on a plane and fly over 12,000 kilometres spontaneously was out of question. 

“I was thinking we’d go out for dinner but I think we should stay in and make some dahi bhindi instead,” He proposed hoping that eating favourite her okra dish that her dad used to make would comfort and cheer her up a little.

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him, “Oh yeah? That sounds fun but you don’t know how to make it.”

“So, you teach me now and then I’ll remember it for next time.” He said grinning at her.

--

 “Yup, now just put the chillies in,” she instructed, “and give it a good stir.”

She looked up at his face beaming with pride that he managed to cook her favourite meal albeit with her continuous prompts and yelps for him to be careful of oil splattering. 

She moved closer to him reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. 

“I hope you know how amazing you are,” She whispered softly, the tip of her nose gently nudging his and a feeling of gratitude coursed through him at her words.

Shawn cupped her face with his hand, pulling her upwards to press a gentle kiss against her lips.

He pulled away and excitedly declared, “Okay, you go sit and I’ll serve you myself.” 

She watched in admiration as he moved around the kitchen getting their plates ready and pouring some water. 

A feeling of gratitude resonated through her, acknowledging the little things he did for her. For them.

“Voila!” He exclaimed giddily placing the plate with bhindi (okra) and some roti in front of her. She laughed eyes crinkling at his excitement. 

As they sat there eating while he told her about Brain and Connor’s antics at the show in Melbourne, her stomach filled with sense of familiarity but so did her heart with an overwhelming surge. 

Fortunately, this time it wasn’t with anxiousness but instead with love for the man sat beside her. 

It occurred to her that when she was with Shawn, the water didn’t seem as cold anymore. Or at least she was warm now. 

Adeya understood their love is home, in a way, and as long as they had each other they’d make it through life’s inevitable twists and turns. 

[pamphletstoinspire]

A Padre Pio Inspirational Story

The Clergy Remembers Padre Pio – Part III

Fr. John Esseff, while on a pilgrimage to Rome in 1959, decided to make a detour to San Giovanni Rotondo and visit Padre Pio. His friend on the pilgrimage, Fr. Robert was going to accompany him. As far as Fr. John knew, at that time, there were only two individuals living, who had the stigmata – Padre Pio who lived in Italy and Therese Neumann who lived in Germany. In 1959, Padre Pio was a controversial figure. Some people said that he had been banished from the priesthood, that his stigmata was self-inflicted, that he could no longer hear confessions. Others believed him to be a living saint, a man in touch with God. Fr. John was of the second opinion.

Fr. John had a small grasp of the Italian language and while in Rome, he was able to understand it to a limited degree. But when he left Rome for Padre Pio’s monastery, all of that changed. He was not able to understand even one word of the Italian language that was being spoken. Someone was able to foresee the problem of the language barrier because he was given some helpful advice. When he and Fr. Robert arrived in San Giovanni Rotondo they were told simply to say the words, “Maria Pyla” to the first person they saw and they would be sure to be directed to the home of Mary Pyle. Mary Pyle was Padre Pio’s American secretary and she greeted the pilgrims and offered hospitality to the many visitors who came to see Padre Pio. She often helped people find lodging who were staying for a time in San Giovanni Rotondo.

When Fr. John and Fr. Robert stepped off the bus in San Giovanni Rotondo, the words “Maria Pyla” drew an instant response. They were directed to Mary’s home, which was very close to Padre Pio’s monastery. They received a warm welcome from Mary and she invited them to dinner. Padre Pio’s nephew joined them for the meal.

As they were eating dinner, the front door opened and Padre Pio walked in. Needless to say, Fr. John was very surprised. Padre Pio looked directly at Fr. John and said, “Why are you here? Are you one of the curiosity seekers?” “No, not at all,” said Fr. John. “I am a believer.” Padre Pio walked over to the left side of the table where Fr. John was sitting and spoke to him for a few minutes. Then he turned and left. Fr. John was so surprised by the visit that he asked Mary about it. “Does Padre Pio come to your house often?” he asked. Mary understood that Fr. John had received a special blessing and that the experience was meant for him and for no one else. Mary said to Fr. John, “Padre Pio had something special for you. He sometimes does that. None of the rest of us saw him.”

Fr. John tried to take it all in. For those minutes when Padre Pio was talking to him, Fr. John was somehow not present to the others at the table. Mary Pyle understood and Padre Pio’s nephew understood but Fr. Robert did not. He was completely mystified. “I find the whole experience that happened at dinner spooky,” Fr. Robert said. “I don’t know what to make of it.”

The next morning, in order to get to Padre Pio’s 5:00 a.m. Mass, the two priests got up in the middle of the night. They got to the church at 2:30 a.m. where a huge crowd was already gathered. When the doors opened, the two priests went into the sacristy. About 200 men were already assembled there. When Padre Pio walked through the sacristy, all of the men knelt down. Padre Pio stood right in front of Fr. John and in silence, stared at him. His expression was solemn, almost angry. Everyone looked at Padre Pio as he looked at Fr. John. This went on for what seemed like an hour but Fr. Robert told Fr. John that Padre Pio stared at him for about 15 minutes.

Padre Pio made his way with difficulty through the crowd, to a kneeler where he paused to pray before vesting for Mass. When he finished his prayers and passed through the sacristy again, he once more stopped in front of Fr. John. This time, however, he had a beautiful smile on his face. He had removed his gloves and Fr. John could see the stigmata. There was light passing through the wounds on his hands. The stigmata appeared transparent. Fr. John bent down and kissed his hand and then Padre Pio put his hand on Fr. John’s head in a blessing.

The Mass of Padre Pio was an unforgettable experience. The church was filled to capacity and although his Mass was long, the time passed quickly. Fr. John noticed that after the Mass, the local Italian people took dabs of cotton and touched it to the floor by the altar. There were bloodstains around the altar and it was gathered on the cotton as relics.

Fr. John wanted to make his confession to Padre Pio, but Padre Pio’s assistant, Fr. Dominic Meyer told him it would not be possible. The confessions were booked solid for two weeks in advance. However, Fr. Dominic told Fr. John that he would speak to Padre Pio about him. A short time later, Fr. John received a letter from Fr. Dominic. Padre Pio had sent a message saying that if Fr. John ever needed his help while hearing confessions, to send his guardian angel to Padre Pio and he would help him immediately. Padre Pio added that if he needed help for any other reason, just to send his angel, and he would respond at once.

In the years since his visit to Padre Pio, Fr. John Esseff (now Msgr. Esseff) has kept very busy in his priestly ministry. He has traveled worldwide and has given retreats to the Missionaries of Charity in Lebanon, Haiti, Italy, the U.S., India, and more. He was very close to Mother Teresa and while in India, he served as a confessor and retreat director to her and her religious community. He was appointed director of formation at the seminary in Fargo, North Dakota and at Creighton University he has served as spiritual director for formation of priests and seminarians. He is the creator of Telespond, a program which addresses the needs of the elderly and he has been an advocate for the handicapped, the retarded, the poor, the homeless, and the migrant farm workers. For 12 years he served at the Lackawanna County Prison as a counselor and chaplain to prisoners and their extended families. For his many contributions to humanity, he has received the Pope John Paul II award, “Prelate of Honor.”

In June of 2007, Msgr. Esseff celebrated his 79th birthday. He has been a priest for 54 years. He continues to serve as a retreat master and spiritual director for bishops, priests, and seminarians. He has never forgotten Padre Pio’s words, “Just send me your guardian angel if you ever need my help,” words spoken almost 50 years ago. As a confessor and spiritual director, Msgr. John has needed Padre Pio’s help and guidance on many, many occasions. Frequently, when faced with a difficult case, not knowing the right words to say or the best advice to give, he has sent his angel to Padre Pio. The answer has always come. He continues to send his guardian angel to Padre Pio and has felt Padre Pio’s ever-present help through these many years. ________________________________

Memories of Padre Pio

Fr. Joseph Anthony shared a close friendship with Padre Pio. Five years older than Padre Pio, Fr. Joseph Anthony lived side by side with Padre Pio at the monastery of Our Lady of Grace for four years. When Fr. Joseph Anthony was transferred to the monastery of St. Anne in Foggia, his health began to decline. On December 30, 1936, Padre Pio received the news that Fr. Joseph Anthony was gravely ill. His condition had grown steadily worse and he was close to death.

Padre Pio’s prayers were requested. He lifted up his prayers to Heaven, begging God to come to the aide of his friend. What Padre Pio did not know was that Fr. Joseph Anthony had passed away on that very night. While Padre Pio was praying, he heard a knock at his door. When he opened the door, to his great surprise, there stood Fr. Joseph Anthony. “What are you doing here?” Padre Pio asked him. “I was told that you were in a great deal of pain and were gravely ill. I have been praying for you.” “I am well,” said Fr. Joseph Anthony. “All my pains have gone away and I have come to thank you for your prayers.” Saying that, he vanished. It was then that Padre Pio understood that his friend had already passed away. When Padre Pio told the Capuchins about his experience, Fr. Raffaele suggested to him that he was probably dreaming. Padre Pio explained that it was not a dream. He was wide-awake and Fr. Joseph Anthony appeared at his door in flesh and blood. The friary records stated that Fr. Joseph Anthony had passed away at 2:00 a.m. That was the same time that he had visited Padre Pio. ________________________________

Fr. Bernardo d’Alpicella had contracted malaria one summer, and even though he was receiving very good medical care, there was no improvement in his condition. Every two days, his fever would return. His doctor told him that it would be a good idea for him to have a change of climate. Perhaps his health would benefit from the change. Acting upon his doctor’s advice, Fr. Bernardo decided to make a visit to San Giovanni Rotondo. However, his condition showed no improvement and the fever remained. One evening Father Bernardo was in the dining room with the friars and Padre Pio. He said, “Padre Pio, will you give me a blessing? I mean one of those strong ones!” The moment that Padre Pio blessed him, the fever disappeared. ________________________________

Egidio Vagnozzi (1906-1980), a Catholic priest for 52 years, served as a Bishop for 31 years, the last 13 of those years, as a Cardinal. At one time he was designated Apostolic Nuncio to the Philippines, and it was at this assignment that Bishop Vagnozzi encountered many serious problems within the church. The responsibilities of his office and the complex issues he faced each day weighed on his mind. While in Rome, he spoke to the Holy Father, Pope Pius XII and asked for advice. Pope Pius XII encouraged Bishop Vagnozzi to visit Padre Pio in San Giovanni Rotondo and speak to him about the matter. The bishop found the advice hard to understand. Padre Pio never left his monastery and although not technically a cloistered monk, for all intents and purposes, he was. He did not have any training in diplomatic matters. Living in the remote and isolated town of San Giovanni Rotondo, he was not in touch with the real world. How could he possible offer Bishop Vagnozzi any advice?

After thinking it over, the bishop decided to make the trip. He did not tell anyone of his plan to visit Padre Pio as it was his desire to maintain a low profile. When he arrived in the small town of San Giovanni Rotondo, no one recognized him as a bishop. No one in this remote area in southern Italy had ever seen him before. At the monastery of Our Lady of Grace, upon meeting Padre Pio, Bishop Vagnozzi was very surprised to hear Padre Pio greet him with the words, “Hello, Your Excellency.” He was shocked. How did Padre Pio know that he was a bishop?

The bishop confided to Padre Pio the many problems he faced as Apostolic Nuncio. With great kindness, Padre Pio said to him, “Your Excellency, you are the Apostolic Nuncio for the Philippines. Is that correct?” He answered, “Yes.” “Who was it that sent you to the Philippines?” “It was the Holy Father who sent me,” the bishop answered. “Well, who is the Holy Father?” The bishop replied, “The Holy Father is the Pope, the Vicar of Christ.” Padre Pio said, “So then it was Our Lord Jesus Christ who sent you to serve the church in the Philippines. You are a representative of the Pope but you are also a representative of Jesus Christ. If Christ were to go to the Philippines and see all the problems and abuses that you have shared with me, what would He do? Whatever Christ would do, that is what you must do.” The bishop returned to Rome and told Pope Pius XII what Padre Pio had said. The Holy Father told the bishop to take to heart the wise counsel that had been given to him. When he went back to the Philippines, he thought about Padre Pio’s advice and acted upon it. Everything turned out very well. ________________________________

Padre Pio’s methods in the confessional sometimes seemed drastic, but they were effective. On occasion, Padre Pio applied a bit of “shock treatment,” by sending the person out of the confessional without absolution. This acted as a wake up call for many. The young man in the following story received one such wake up call and it changed his life.

Father Mariano Paladino, one of the Capuchins in San Giovanni Rotondo, was approached on one occasion by a young man from the northern part of Italy. The young man confided to Father Mariano the many burdens that were in his heart. He was going through a particularly difficult religious crisis and many other problems were weighing on him. After listening, Padre Mariano suggested to the young man that he speak to Padre Pio.

Acting upon the advice, one day the young man went to confession to Padre Pio. But before he could utter even one word, Padre Pio said to him, “I want you to answer either yes or no to the questions that I ask you. Only that and no more.” Padre Pio then began an examination of conscience. One by one, he named a list of serious sins, inquiring as to whether the young man had committed them or not. Much to his embarrassment, the young man had to answer yes to every sin that Padre Pio had named. After this humiliating experience, Padre Pio then told the young man that he should leave the confessional, that is, without absolution. The young man was devastated and began to cry. He cried for three days.

But something impelled him to return to the monastery and so he did. He managed to position himself at a place where Padre Pio was passing by. As he was standing there, he perceived a wonderful fragrance of perfume. The young man assumed that Padre Pio was wearing after-shave cologne.

When he went back to his hotel, he saw a photograph of Padre Pio on the wall. The penetrating gaze of Padre Pio’s eyes was so striking that the young man had to tightly close his own eyes. When he opened them, the photo had disappeared. He asked one of the employees at the hotel about the picture. He was informed that there had never been a picture of Padre Pio hanging on the wall. The young man then realized that Padre Pio’s presence was with him and he began to deeply ponder the encounter he had with Padre Pio. After regaining his peace, he decided to go back to the monastery and visit Padre Pio once again. Again, he made his confession to Padre Pio and he spoke to him about his life’s direction. The young man was able then to act on his desire. He became a Catholic priest. ________________________________

In September 1955, Padre Alberto D’Apolito along with 45 others, made a pilgrimage to the shrine of Our Lady of Tears in Syracuse, Sicily. Padre Alberto invited Padre Pio to accompany them but he declined the invitation. He almost never left the monastery. “Go on ahead. I will stay in San Giovanni Rotondo but I will follow you,” Padre Pio said. He meant that he would be praying for Padre Alberto and his companions while they were away.

On the way to the shrine, they drove through a large area of watermelon farms. In the warm September sunshine, the watermelons looked delicious and so the pilgrims asked the bus driver to stop. Unable to resist the temptation, the pilgrims ate too many of the watermelons. They began to suffer terribly from indigestion and nausea. Fortunately, they were all feeling better by the next day. They visited the beautiful shrine of Our Lady of Tears and then went on toward Palermo. Just as it was getting dark, on a lonely and desolate stretch of countryside, they came to an obstruction in the road. The bus driver stopped and told everyone to get out of the bus. The people became frightened and began to pray to Padre Pio. All at once, a wave of perfume filled the bus. When another wave of perfume passed through the bus, everyone understood that it was Padre Pio and that his presence was with them. They got out of the bus and began clearing away the fallen trees and rocks that were blocking the road. Just then, the Italian State police officers (the Carabenieri) arrived. They told the police officers that they had been praying for Padre Pio’s protection. At the mention of Padre Pio’s name, the police officers all removed their hats as a gesture of respect. “When you see Padre Pio again, please ask him to pray for us,” they said. “As police officers, our lives are exposed to constant danger.”

Padre Alberto received confirmation that Padre Pio had indeed been watching over them on their journey. As he entered the monastery, Padre Pio greeted him and said, “You all made fools out of yourselves with those watermelons!” And then he added, “And that night on the road to Palermo, you were all so frightened. What a scare!” ________________________________

Padre Pietro Tartaglia left this very beautiful reminiscence of Padre Pio:

“I can see him today as he appeared to me when I was a youngster. It was beautiful to see him there in the silence of his cell when we Capuchin aspirants went to him for confession. The dim light gave a mystical touch to his emaciated but radiant countenance. Near him was a photograph of his mother who had died a short time before, and a little statue of Our Lady. He spoke about her to us and taught us to love her. At a certain hour he used to walk in the friary garden, absorbed in his sufferings and his love while the beads slipped through the fingers of his wounded hands. And how full and ardent was his voice when he recited the Angelus with the others – in the garden, in the choir, or at the window. Who could fail to be moved by the sight of him as he walked with painful steps towards the altar for evening devotions and in a voice breaking with emotion recited the Visit to Our Blessed Lady.” ________________________________

Padre Pio had a great love for the religious habit. He lived in the time when the Capuchins had a habit they wore in the daytime and a night habit which they wore to bed. When Padre Pio became ill, the Superior of the monastery did not want him to wear his habit at night. However, Padre Pio was not in favor of any change in this regard. Only an order could convince him of it. So the Superior gave Padre Pio a dispensation from wearing the habit to bed, in favor of pajamas. Padre Pio started crying upon receiving the news. On the night that he died, September 23, 1968, knowing that his end was at hand, he went and put on his habit. He wanted to give his soul back to God, wearing his religious habit. The following story shows Padre Pio’s deep respect for the habit:

One time when Padre Pio was hearing confessions in the sacristy of the church, he kept looking intently toward one particular man who was in the confessional line. The man noticed it and began to feel very uncomfortable. He moved to another place and tried to remain inconspicuous, but Padre Pio’s penetrating eyes still followed him wherever he went. All of the people nearby noticed it as well and were quite curious as to why Padre Pio was staring at the man. Finally, Padre Pio motioned for the man to come over to him. The man thought there was some mistake and so he did not move. One of the men who was standing nearby told him, “Padre Pio is calling you. You must go to him.” Although nervous, the man approached Padre Pio’s confessional. In a soft voice, just above a whisper, Padre Pio said to him, “Father, go and put on your habit then come back and I will hear your confession.” The man was a Dominican priest. He had come to San Giovanni Rotondo because he had heard much talk about Padre Pio. It seems the opinion was evenly divided. Some people believed that Padre Pio was a living saint and others did not. The man wore civilian clothing because he wanted to find out for himself the truth about Padre Pio. His experience convinced him that Padre Pio was truly authentic.

[eat-pray-and-love]

Time and again...….A Short Story.

 One monsoon in the 1970s my grandfather died. His portrait hung in the pooja room along with the pictures of Gods, demigods and our Gurus. He was sitting on a wooden chair staring quite blankly ahead in the frame. Apparently it was a sketched portrait of an artiste whose name I never got to know. His hair was neatly combed and his forehead revealed a frown that appeared both confused and baffled as if questioning the artiste as to why he needed to sketch him at all. But of course my grandfather never questioned any decisions. He remained silent in the portrait…in death and throughout most of his life. Dadu silently endured the pain from an ailment and even though the house was bursting at the seams with a dozen people, no one even noticed.

In an early memory I am sitting reluctantly with a plate of boiled up ‘death time food’ which the elders called Hobishi….to me it sounded very Japanese. Rukmini will come and eat you up whole , someone says while passing by with familiar ferocity. Most of us were scared of Rukmini . She was maimed and scarred all over, her face distorted after an acid attack, carrying a sack like bag over her shoulders. Stories reveal that her father maimed her in order to enhance the sympathy of passers-by who would drop a penny or two in her aluminum bowl ….a source of income. She was the Francis Drake of our time.

I rushed for refuge to the long window, which gave me an aerial view of the rickshaws waiting in line and their drivers….or should I say pullers. This was my favourite haunt. I considered this window the best place in the house. It even had a jutting inward platform so thoughtfully constructed to allow me to stand and get an elevated perspective of the world below unseen.

Forced into an unwanted afternoon nap, I lay looking at the ceiling with its thick heavy beams clothed in dust and cobwebs. It was in this room that my grandparents started their life with their two sons. There were dusty frames in the room of people standing, a seated woman and many others that I didn’t recognize. My grandparents used to introduce these framed people to visitors time and again.

There was an enclosed veranda with a dilapidated railing and we were forewarned not to lean against or on the railing. In one part of the room lay a bed and in the other part a folded ‘bedding’ rolled up straight along with a jute mat. We were privileged and so occupied the bed. I would play many games with my cousins in that room.

My thoughts wandered from the nooks and crannies of the house to the kitchen which was surprisingly at the entrance on a sectioned off balcony. My grandmother cooked behind a partition dividing the kitchen from the rest of the house. The room was never thought of as a kitchen. There was a sack of coal in the corner of the kitchen along with a huge metal drum with a little brass tap and a miniature iron bucket placed strategically below to hold the spill. The misty water in the bucket had to be emptied out onto the open drains nearby time and again.

In front of the kitchen was a make to do dining space. It was definitely different from the modern dining rooms with a rosewood dining table and formal sitting rooms which we strangely called drawing rooms of the house that I grew up in…..in a different part of the world.

In the early years of my childhood, all meals came from this kitchen of my grandmothers. My mother on a yearly vacation, my aunts and others would cook sometimes together, chatting and sharing anecdotes while being assisted silently by Amola.

Amola was a little older than I was at the time. She wore long floral printed dresses. My grandmother found her slow and often caught her unawares smiling to herself, lost in a different world. While mopping, we would exchange furtive glances and in our own way, we found  time to be together. Around 4 pm, when the rest of the house was taking a nap, after a sumptuous meal, Amola would come to me smiling and we would play ludo and snakes and ladders on a colourful board laughing and chatting in careless yet hushed whispers, always careful not to wake up the adults. Amola strangely called me Didimuni though that was not my name.

We were happy following this routine for most of the days when quite abruptly she stopped coming to the house. Her beautiful young mother in a saree Amolar Ma as we were expected to call her took over the household chores with equal elan.  Amola was to be married soon. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye and often wondered what this new uncertain world of marriage, would have in store for her.

The kitchen had a bottle green cemented floor while the rest of the house had a red coloured flooring. The kitchen was dark with a makeshift ‘’low power bulb’’ hanging dangerously over my granny’s head. It had a low sooty ceiling and coloured platforms with a furnace like oven projecting upwards. The cooking here was done on coal fire stoves which looked like buckets coated with thick clay. The coal that went into it was fanned and blown upon the courtyard outside until they lit to a red glow.

Refrigerators were uncommon and were the preserve of the rich and elite. Vegetables, fruits, fish were bought afresh each day. Most of the fish were bought dead but there were some varieties which were just killed and some fish were bought alive and kicking and put immediately into miniature tanks or large buckets before my grandmother butchered them. There were lengthy discussions about the fish scales, quality, size, price, etc by almost all the adults. We were not allowed to jump or play in the courtyard while the fish were being cut and sliced and finally cleaned by Amola’s Ma. It was too dangerous they said.I went to my cousin’s room. He was always seen ‘matching his routine’ as he said and packing all his textbooks into a screechy aluminum briefcase like thing which had a latch quite different to the light weight satchels that I was used to. He remained serious and silent during school days.

My mother was always observed with gracious suspicion as if her world was intruding unknown strange pastures. This was confirmed with greater fury once she had the audacity of ‘’crossing the 7 seas’’ to live with my father in the UK. She was only trusted with cutting vegetables and every morning she sat with these gargantuan bags of potatoes, brinjal, cabbages, greens etc chopping them up with a knife and on a wooden board as opposed to the ‘’bonti’’and sheets of old newspaper. She was often caught reading these newspapers until someone asked her with an alien firmness’’ do you even cook? What do you eat? Soup bread??? Tinned food?? She only smiled filled with quiet astonishment.

She would sit with these damp vegetables often chatting with her sisters husband who was a frequent visitor along with her brothers from ‘’oi bari’’ or the other house referring to her parents home. They would discuss Tagore, novels of yesteryears, debate on new literature, the changing political scenario, Gregory Pecks performance in The Roman Holiday while I played hopscotch on the red cement floor drawing the grid with an old white chalk. Amolas Ma would remind her to dip the cut potatoes into a bowl of water or else they would turn black she said. My mother looked at her and smiled feeding on her own images in her mind.

There was a widowed aunt who lived in the rear section of the house who would often would come out and help in the cooking or add to the spread with a cooked banana stem vegetable . She was an unacknowledged chef among them and it was only later that I realized that Pishi as they called her was a tenant and had relocated from Benares after her husband passed away. I eagerly watched her apply mustard oil to her hands before she cut the banana stem. She was on a restricted diet forbidden to eat anything other than vegetables and lentils. They told me it was because she was a widow. This connection between being a widow and food I clearly did not comprehend. Somehow it didn’t seem strange or wrong to anyone else.

We were in the last lap of our holidays. My grandmother never came downstairs during the tearful farewells as the taxi approached to take us to the airport. Instead she told my uncle to bring a few ‘’aerogrammes’’ or postal letters as her stock had replenished writing to us. She sat knitting sweaters for us firm as a rock yet tears rolling down her cheek. We later learnt that no one disturbed her or entered her room for a few days after we had left.

As a family we strayed much further away from India making another two countries our home for lengthy periods of time. Today I have two grown up sons …one of them living in Canada. I look forward to having him home time and again…so that he can eat rice, dal with us… with his hands, speak in Bengali, revisit our past….things we sometimes worry he will no longer do after we die.

We did visit Calcutta time and again and took back with us draw string pyjamas , tea …the best of its kind and other things special only to Kolkata as the city is now called. We have finally decided to grow old here.

After an early dinner I read the newspaper….look out of my now familiar window and sit in front of my laptop. I decide to send an email to my son in Canada.  Come home son…its been a long time.

[artificialqueens]

Your life is gonna change me (Biadore) Chapter 12 - AbbiNeedless

Soooooo… Some trigger warnings? You may cry in this chapter, I cried a little bit while I was writing it so… Get tissues.

“My love, I don’t think I’ll be able to go with you to the airport.” “How are you feeling?” Bianca sat with her on the bed and took her temperature, it was normal. “It’s my back, it hurts a lot.” Adore leaned back on the headboard and looked at the ceiling. “I can stay home if you want.” “Oh no, no, no, Bea.” She took her face in her hands. “Listen to me, Bianca del Rio, you worked your ass off to get that spot in the fashion week, you’re not going to waste it because my back hurts, I’ll call my mom or Jinkx or whoever to come and take care of me but you are not staying home because of my back’s pain, you heard me?” “I did.” “Good.” She gave her a peck. “Now I want you to scare all those fashion whores with your designs, I’ll be watching from here.” “I’ll do it, hey, what about a good luck kiss?” Adore nodded and Bianca leaned forwards to kiss her wife, her lips met softly, Bianca bite softly her lip and Adore’s hands went under her blouse, playing with the line of her bra. “Tia, Marco called and said- Oh Jesus.” Valentina opened the door but closed it again at the sight of her aunts making out. “Sorry!” “You have to knock, remember?” Bianca gave Adore a last quick kiss. “I’ll see you next week.” “See you, babe.”

Bianca took her suitcase and walked out of the room.

—-

“Are we ready to board the plane?” Marco asked them. “Yeah.” “Don’t forget to put your phones in plane mode or turn them off, ladies.” “I know, Marc.” Bianca took out her phone, when she was going to turn it off an incoming call from Adore was popped on the screen, she pressed the green button. “Give a moment… Hello, my love.” “Bea…” “Baby, is something wrong?” “No, not at all, I know I last saw you like an hour ago but I wanted to hear your voice.” “Oh, Dorey…” “It’s just that after your dad leaving yesterday and you two leaving to New York today the house feels really lonely and I just wanted to hear your voice before you got on the plane.” “Well, you’re hearing me now, baby. Hey, why don’t you go to your mom’s or invite her to the house? So you can be with someone and don’t feel lonely.” “I think I’ll do it.” “Hey, queen B, we have to board the plane!” Marco yelled at her. “I’m coming! I gotta go, baby.” “Oh, right, I just… Call me when you get to New York, please.” “You know I will, I love you, my love.” “I love you too, baby, kick their asses.” “I will, for you babe, I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

She hung up and turned off her phone, she joined her coworkers and boarded the plane.

—-

It was Tuesday’s night and Adore had finally followed Bianca’s advice, Bonnie was staying on her house while her family was away, today Ernie left his children with them to spend the day while he and his wife went on a date, Aria and Ray were sitting on the floor playing with the dogs and Jesse was on the dinner room with his headphones on. Bonnie sat with her daughter on the sofa with a big bowl of popcorn, they were ready to watch the New York fashion show.

“When are your girls appearing?” “From what Bianca said on her text, now.” She pulled up the cover and laid her head on her mom’s lap, all day long she had been having cramps and until the afternoon they had gotten more bearable. “What did you say was the name of Bianca’s studio?” “Karma.” “It’s their turn.”

Adore turned on the volume. Raja, Tyra, Bianca and some other designers sat on the first row, the lights of the stage turned on and the first model walked out, it was Violet and she was wearing an outfit that she has never seen; it was a short and colorful skirt and a white blouse with a embroidery design on the neck and sleeves and a headpiece she remembered seeing on her last visit to the studio.

“That’s a really cute costume, who made it?” “I think Raja.” She started to feel a little pain on her back again, she paid no mind to it, she was sure it was because of the way she slept last night, she continued watching the show.

Tyra’s model was next, Naomi was wearing a Brazil Carnival costume, it was a rhinestone bra with a matching low part, a red collar and an enormous headpiece with rhinestones and feathers, the whole outfit that covered her thin body was in red and black.

“That looks gorgeous!” “She looks like a bird.” Ray said and hugged her grandma’s leg. “Yeah, like a pajarote!”

As the others models walked the runway Adore noticed all the costumes were from other countries, that entire runway was about international fashion.

“Tia, Tia, Vale is on TV.” Ray jumped to her side and talked to her belly. “Babies, your sister is on TV!”

Their sister? Adore was shocked after hearing her nephew calling Valentina her children’s sister, then she was shocked because she got shocked after hearing Ray considering her Ethan and Willow’s older sister, it made sense, since he was born he had seen her around, he must thought she was their daughter, Valentina had been living with them for five years and Adore loved her endlessly.

He was not wrong.

She was her daughter as well.

“Jesse, look at Vale!” Ray yelled at his older brother. “I’m coming.” Jesse joined them and sat in the smaller sofa, Aria crawled to where his older brother sat and he took her on his arms. “She looks like Linda Evangelista, though.”

Adore looked at the TV and saw her wearing her mariachi costume and also wearing the earrings her grandfather had given her.

“Well, she is a model.” “Did Bianca make that costume?” Her mom asked her. “She did.” “God, she is such a good seamstress!” “Valentina looks really good.” Jesse said. “I know!”

Valentina left the stage, the designers got up and walked to the setting joined by the presenter.

“That was a great collection, what were your inspirations?” He asked them with his high pitched voice. “We wanted to show a different side of the immigrants, oh yes, I said that.” Bianca said on the microphone. “Sadly the only thing that a lot of American people see on the immigrants is just that, that they’re immigrants and this ignorance is even bigger now with our actual president. They don’t see what’s behind them, they don’t see the beautiful cultures that are part of these amazing people. So we asked ourselves; how can we show these people that? And this was our answer.” “Yeah, we created this Worldwide Collection featuring typical clothing from a lot of countries.” Raja said and passed the microphone to Tyra. “India, China, Mexico, Brazil, Ecuador, South Korea , Guatemala, all of these countries have something in common, most of the immigrants in North America are from those specific places and we decided to do a tribute of their cultures by creating this collection.” “And what a better way of showing it!” The presenter said, the models walked the runway again making a line and joined them on top of the stage. “Thank you for this amazing collection, Karma Studios.”

They made a little bow and left the stage.

“That was such a good show!” Bonnie said, she noticed that Adore was holding something back, she had her eyes shut and her lips pressed on a line. Bonnie helped Ray to get down and looked at her daughter. “Adore, are you ok?” “My back and my stomach hurts.” “Did you eat something spicy or dairy?” “No, I haven’t eaten since… Mom.” “What?” “I think I just pissed myself.” Bonnie took the cover from her and saw all of her daughter’s clothes were sodden “Shit, Adore that’s not pee… Adore, the pain you’ve been feeling are contractions.” “What? It can’t be, I’m only seven months, they shouldn’t been- Holy shit!” She felt a hard pressure on her belly and her back. “Mom…” “Grandma?” Jesse looked terrified, it seemed that he was going to throw up. “Shit, shit, shit, I have to take you to the hospital.” She looked at her older grandson. “Jesse, call your dad and tell him to come back, we have to go and you’re in charge of your siblings while your dad arrives.” Bonnie rushed to the nursery. “What are you doing, mom?” “We have to take some things for the babies in case they’re born today! Jesse, help your aunt!”

Adore tried to get up from the sofa after her mom left but she couldn’t do it.

“Tia, are you ok?” Her nephew took her hand and rubbed circles on her back. “No, Jesse, I’m not.” She failed at holding her tears back. This was not supposed to happen now, she had done everything right, she had taken every vitamin, she had taken every special care that Sasha told her, she had gone to every appointment, she had done everything right and at the end she failed.

She failed again.

This was not fair.

—-

“You’re gonna be ok, Adore.” Her mom sat on the driver’s seat and started the car’s machine. “Breathe, baby, breathe.” “Mom, nothing is gonna be ok! My water was not supposed to break now, I’m not even eight months.” “Adore, being in this state is not gonna help you or the babies.” She tried to remain calm as she drove through Lincoln boulevard. “Mom, this is not supposed to happen now!” She felt an acute pain on her lower back. “Mom, this hurts!” She let out a tearing sob. “I know it does, we’ll be in the hospital soon.” “Not soon enough!” She took out her cellphone and passed it to her mom. “Call Bianca, tell-tell her that Ethan and Willow are coming.” “Baby, I’m driving.” “I know you are, I’m not stupid!” She saw her mom pressing her lips and focusing on the way. “I’m sorry, mom, I didn’t want to yell.” “Don’t be, I know what you’re going through.” Bonnie took Marina freeway and turned right to W Slauson avenue. “Where now?” “Just drive straight this street.” “There is the hospital.” Bonnie entered the parking lot and parked in front of the hospital’s door where a short guy and bald lady were waiting with a wheel chair. “Are they waiting for us?” “Yeah, she is our doctor, Sasha. I called her.” “Why is she bald, is she sick or something?” “No.” Bonnie got out of the car and opened the door for her. “Hi, Sasha.” “Hello, Adore.” The short guy took the wheelchair next to her car and helped her sit down. “Mrs. Delano.” “Noriega, please, I go my single name again.” “Mrs. Noriega.” Sasha nodded and a man joined her. “Jay can park your car so you can come with us.” “Yes, just let me take this shit with me.” Bonnie took two bags from the back of the car and gave Jay the keys. “Thank you, mijo.” “No problem.” He got into the car and drove away.

Bonnie walked with them and registered Adore, a nurse took them to a big room and helped Adore get into the bed and connected a sensor on her finger and another one on her belly so they could monitor the babies as well, a few minutes later Sasha appeared again.

“Sasha, what’s happening with my babies?” Adore asked her nervous. “A twins’ pregnancy tends to be over sooner than normal pregnancies, I told you that it was probably that they would be born around the eighth month.” “Yeah but you said that if they were premature babies they would born around October 15th not September 25th!” “I know I said that, but it seems it would be sooner than we thought. Adore, I’ll make sure your babies are born in the best conditions, trust me.” She checked the levels on the monitors. “I see… Adore, I have to check you down there.” “Oh, ok.”

While Sasha washed her hands Bonnie took her cellphone out and walked out of the room.

“Mom?” “I’m going to call Bianca, I’ll be back in a minute.”

—-

Marco passed a bottle of wine to Raja and closed the door, she looked back at her friends.

“Bea, that was such a good explanation of our project!” Raja said and poured her a glass of wine. “It was really good.” Tyra added. “Thank you, ladies, it was like a smack on the face of Donald Trump.” “I can bet he is gonna tweet about us in the next hours.” Courtney said and sat with Bianca. “Melania and Ivanka were in the audience, right?” “Yes, they were and they looked uncomfortable.” “Cheers for that!” Raja raised her glass and was joined by her coworkers, Bianca heard her cellphone ringing somewhere in the room. “Hey, Court, can you get that for me?” “Sure.” She got up and took her cellphone from her purse. “Hello?” “Ok, ladies.” Raja said. “What are we presenting tomorrow?” “I’m presenting my ‘Gone by the window’ dress.” “Work! What about you, Bea?” “I’m presenting the yellow dress with the removable tulle skirt, Val is gonna dance on it for the audience.” “Yas, Bea! That’s gonna make them gag.” “I’m counting on my niece to do that.” She took a sip of her wine and saw that Courtney was looking shocked as she heard someone speaking on Bianca’s phone. “Courtney, who’s that?” “Bianca, it’s your mother in law, something happened to Adore.”

Bianca put her glass on the table and ran to her, Courtney gave her the phone.

“Bonnie?” “Thank God you took the phone.” She sounded relieved. “Bonnie, did something bad happen to her? To the babies?” “Yes, something like that, her water broke.” “What?” She caught her friends’ attention. “What do you mean her water broke?” “Exactly that. The babies are going to be born tonight.”

Bianca felt how the air abandoned her lungs, she felt she was going to faint but Courtney caught her, her hands were shaking.

“Bon, are you sure of what you’re telling me?” “Yes, Bianca, I saw how her water broke and I took her to the hospital myself, I’m outside of her room and your doctor is checking on her.” “Fuck… I���m- I’m going to take the next flight to California, I can be there in a few hours.” “You have to hurry, Bea.” “I will, I’m leaving.”

She hung up and looked at her friends.

“What happened?” Raja took her hand. “My babies, they’re coming today.” “What? Today?” “Yes, Tyra, today.” She opened the door and went to her room with them by her back, she took her suitcase and packed everything that was out, she took her sketchbook and tablet and handed them to Courtney. “I need you to finish this week without me.” “What?” “You worked as hard as I did in these costumes, you can give my interviews and reviews.” “Bea…” “Please, Courtney, I need your help.” “I will.” “Thank you, thank you so much.” She hugged her friend with all of her strength, Raja joined the hug and wrapped her arms around them. “We… We’re going to look for Valentina and tell her you’re leaving.” Raja said. “Keep an eye on her, please.” “We will.”

Raja and Courtney left her with Tyra on the room, Bianca finished packing, she unlocked her cellphone and opened the Delta webpage to book her flight back home.

“Bianca.” “Yes?” “I know how you’re feeling.” “Yeah, sure.” She typed her credit card number on her phone. “Well, not really how you are feeling but how Adore must be feeling right now.” “What do you mean?”

Tyra sighed and removed the bracelet she had on her right wrist, Bianca saw there was a name tattooed on her skin, ‘Jeremiah’.

“I have a son, he is eight years old and he is the reason why I live.” She put the bracelet on the bed in front of her. “Nine years ago I was finishing college with the best grades, I had a nice boyfriend and a lot of friends, I was living in a dream but then I got pregnant. My boyfriend dumped me, he said my baby was not his and my friends stopped talking to me, I couldn’t go out to the clubs or bars with them anymore and my mom kicked me out of the house. My world fell apart in front of my eyes and the only thing I was sure of was my baby. I lived during my entire pregnancy with a friend and when I was around my sixth month I felt something was wrong with him, I had to be taken to urgencies, the doctor told me that my placenta was calcified and my baby was not growing correctly, I had to have a caesarean section.” “Oh Tyra…” “It was the worst time of my life, when I saw my baby I saw that he was so little and I thought I may break him if I touch him, the doctors were not sure if he was going to survive but I knew Jeremiah was strong, he conquered, he survived and now eight years later he is with me. He is fine and I know that if he could make it, your children will make it as well.” “Wow, that’s… I didn’t know you lived through that.” “It’s not a story that I tell a lot of people.” Tyra traced a finger over her tattoo. “Bianca, I’m sorry if you felt that my intentions were malicious, I swear I didn’t mean them to come up like that.” “Why did you give my address to my mom, Tyra?” “No mother should be excluded from her children’s lives.” “And when you told me I should stay with Adore instead of coming to New York?” “I had the feeling something could go wrong.” “And you were right…” Bianca received a notification, her flight was booked and it took off in an hour and a half. “I have to go the airport.” “Let me ask for an uber for you.” “Thank you.” “Don’t thank me, that’s what friends are for.”

—-

Sasha looked at her.

“Ok, Adore, you are two centimeters.” “That little?” “Yeah, you are a new mother so this process may take longer for you.” “Oh my God, why?” She covered her eyes with her arm, she felt how Sasha sat on the bed and took the arm from her face. “Adore, you are not in a lot of pain.” “I am in pain!” “But is it physical or emotional?” “I…” “This is harder without Bianca by your side, isn’t it?” “It is.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I thought that when Ethan and Willow arrived Bianca would be by my side taking my hand and telling me everything was gonna be fine.” “I lived the same experience.” “You did?” “Yes.” Sasha took off the gloves. “My husband was not here for our daughter’s arrival.” “What do you mean?” “My husband Jaren and I had a baby a few years ago.” “Jaren, have I met him?” “Maybe you’ve seen him around in one of your appointments.” She put the stethoscope on the bed. “When my baby was going to born Jaren had to leave to Canada for his work, when he came back a week later I already had Harriet with me, going through the delivery without him was hard and the first days after Harriet was born were hell without him but in the moment he came back all was better.” “…” “I know Bianca is going to be here soon enough.” She took the stethoscope and got up from the bed. “If you want to hurry the dilation you can try walking with your mom, I’ll be back in 30 minutes to check on you.”

—-

After six hours flying Bianca’s plane landed safely in California’s airport, while she waited for her suitcase she turned on her phone and started reading all of her messages.

Marco: Tyra already told me what happened, don’t worry, Courtney and Valentina are taking over, I’ll make sure everything goes right and I’ll keep an eye on your niece

Raja: I’m sending you all my love and good vibes, I hope everything is ok

Valentina: Tia, I’m so sorry, I should have left with you

She typed an answer.

Tia B: No, kiddo, you have to be there, show them what the del Rio can do! Valentina: but you’re always there for me when I need you! I wanted to be there for you Valentina: It’s not fair that this happened when we were in NY Tia B: Sadly life is not fair, baby Tia B: I’m heading to the hospital, I’ll call you later

She took her suitcase and called for a taxi, while the driver took her to the hospital she dialed Adore’s phone number.

Beep… beep… beep… “Come on, pick up…” “Hello?” “Bonnie? It’s Bianca.” “Bianca, where are you?” “A few minutes from the hospital, how’s Adore?” “She is here with me, she is tired.” “Can I speak with her?” “Sure… Dorey, it’s Bianca.” She heard how the phone was handed to her wife. “Bea?” “Adore, I’m so glad I can finally talk with you, are you ok?” “I don’t want to answer that question, Bea but I already had the epidural.” She sounded disappointed. “Oh, Dorey, you didn’t want it.” “I know I said I didn’t but this hurts a fucking lot, you don’t have an idea.” “I’m sorry I said that.” “It doesn’t matter.” “I’ll be there in a few minutes, I’ll be by your side, my love.”

Adore hung up.

—-

Bianca rushed to the reception desk and saw Cynthia sitting in her chair.

“Hi Cynthia, you know where is Adore?” “Hi corazón, I do just let me…” She typed something on her computer and wrote Bianca’s name on a sticker. “Paste this in your dress, Adore is in room 326 in the third floor.” “Thank you, Cynthia.” “You’re welcome, mi amor, and I’m praying everything goes well.”

Bianca thanked her again and entered the elevator and pressed the third floor button, she needed to see her wife now.

—-

Contractions had gotten worse in the last hours, she was having them every four minutes now and every contraction was worse than the last one.

“Ok, Adore, let’s see how you’re doing.” Sasha checked her again. “Hey, you’re gonna be ok, baby.” Her mom kissed her forehead. “You’re eight centimeters, we’re almost there.” “Can I push now?” “No, you have to wait until you are ten centimeters to push.” Sasha said with her calm voice. “This sucks!”

They heard a knock on the door, Bonnie went to attend it.

“You don’t have to wait a lot, Adore, you’re doing great and possibly in an hour you’ll be able to push.” “I wanted to push until Bianca was here and she hasn’t arrived.” “You are wrong, my love.” Bianca entered the room with Bonnie by her side, Adore noticed she still had the make-up from last night and was also wearing the same dress she wore to the show. “Bea…” She let out a sob, Bianca wrapped her arms around her and Adore hide her face on her neck, letting out all of the tears she had been holding since her talk with Sasha. “I’m here, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.” She kissed her head, she heard the door closing on her back. “I’m sorry I fucked this up.” “You didn’t fuck up anything.” She pressed her lips on her forehead. “I did! Look at me, I’m full of wires and I’m dilating, Ethan and Willow are going to be here sooner than what they should be!” “Adore, listen to me.” She took her face on her hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong, babies come when they want to come.” “But they shouldn’t want to come now!” She felt another contraction. “Holy shit, this hurts.” “Hey, lay down.” Bianca guided her to the bed again. “They’re going to be fine, you’re going to be fine, we’ll make sure of that, do you trust me?” “I trust you my life, I always have.” “Then trust me when I say that our kids are going to be ok.” She guided her face to her belly. “Ethan, Willow, listen to mama; we are going to meet you today and even though we wanted to wait a little bit longer we will welcome you with the same excitement and love, aren’t we, Dorey?” “Yes, we are.” Bianca gave her belly a long kiss. “Bea, can you cuddle with me?” “Anything for you.”

She took off her heels and got into the bed behind her, Bianca sat against the headboard and Adore sat between her legs and leaned against her bosom, it was more comfortable than just being lie down on the plain hospital bed, she felt safe with her protective wife’s arms around her.

Contractions were not as bad now that Bianca was with her.

Bianca’s phone screen lit up with a notification, it was twitter.

@realdonaldtrump: Those were the words of a sad and uninformed woman. Ignorance is not bigger now that I am president… @realdonaldtrump: …you are the ignorant! We are never buying clothes from Karma Studios ever again!

She gave Adore her phone.

“It seems that the cheeto got mad at me.” “Can I type an answer?” “Sure.”

@thebiancadelrio: We’ve never sold you our designs, anyways.

“He may block you after this, you know?” She gave her the phone back. “I don’t give a fuck.”

After an hour and 20 minutes Sasha came back and checked her one last time, the whole night and morning had been full of pain, Adore was really tired and sore.

Sasha looked at them.

“Is everything ok?” Bonnie asked her, Sasha took a deep breath. “You are ten centimeters but the babies are not coming.” “What does that mean?” Adore asked her, she felt afraid of whatever Sasha was going to say. “Adore, we need to prepare you for a C-section.”

Bianca looked away and Bonnie covered her mouth, Adore couldn’t process what Sasha had said.

“No, no, that can’t be.” She looked at her wife. “Bianca, I want to push.” “I’m sorry, baby but-“ “Bea, I want to push, plea-“ “I’m going to be brutally honest with you.” Sasha said and pointed to the monitor that was connected to her belly. “The babies’ heart pulses are falling and if you don’t have C-section your babies could die, even you could die.”

Breathing was difficult after hearing Sasha say those words, she put her hands around her belly and looked at her doctor.

“This is the only way, right?” “I fear it is.” “I understand, am I having it now?” “You are, I’ll call the nurse to help you prepare.” “Can I enter to the operation room with her?” Bianca asked her. “Yeah, you can, I’ll tell Ivy to bring you the necessary clothes.” She looked at Bonnie. “Mrs. Noriega, I have to ask you to wait on the waiting room, you can call other family members if you need their support.” “Thank you, Sasha, I will.”

—-

-Courtney added Bianca to the conversation-

Will: Bitch, is Adore ok? Alaska: Courtney just told us what happened Jinkx: Do you need any help?

Bianca is typing…

Bianca: Adore is having a c-section Chris: holy shit… Katya: Wait, now? Bianca: yes, she was dilated and ready to push but the babies were not coming and their pulse started to fall Jinkx: my God… can we go to see her? Bianca: we’re about to enter the operations room Bianca: you can come but they’ll make you wait in the waiting room Chris: I’m heading to the hospital right now, I don’t give a fuck if I have to wait there for hours Bianca: thank you, Chris Bianca: Bonnie is in the waiting room and I think Ernie and Frankie are there as well Chris: Ok, I hope everything goes well

—-

Adore was wheeled to the operation room by Bianca, when they entered the room she was surprised to see the amount of doctors and nurses that were there, Adore recognize the chubby doctor that was talking with a dark skinned man.

“Doctor Minj?” “Adore?” She approached to them and kneeled in front of her. “After all these years the Idol is my patient again?” “Yes but I like to think these are better conditions.” “Are you sure of that?” “Well, it’s not as bad having you making sure I didn’t have a broken rib or checking if my throat was damaged and if my breathing was normal.” “Well, everyone one has a different point of view.” She patted her shoulder and nodded to the anesthesiologist. “Jaren here is going to put the intravenous with the anesthesia on your arm, you are still not afraid of needless, right?” “I’m not.” “Good.” Jaren took her arm and cleaned it with a cotton ball with alcohol on it, “You are Sasha’s husband, right?” “I am.” He looked for the vein and got the intravenous on it. “Look at that, Sasha, at the first try.” “What do you mean? You normally had to put the needle in a lot of times?” “He is just joking, Bianca, pay him no mind.” Sasha said and finished preparing her instruments.

Bianca and Ivy helped Adore to lay down on the operating table, Bianca sat by her side while the doctors waited until the anesthesia did effect and started the surgery, Adore felt the movements on her stomach.

“Hey, Bianca.” She whispered to her wife. “Yes, baby?” “Tell me something good.” She asked and started to felt high. “Something good, tell you something good… Do you remember our honeymoon?” “I do.” “We arrived to that big ass hotel in Puerto Rico and you told me you’ve never been in such a luxurious hotel before.” “I hadn’t, I was not lying.” “Our room had an incredible view to the ocean and you loved to sit there and watch the sunset. We also had a lot of fun with April in Guaynabo.” “We saw the turtles!” Adore felt the doctors’ hands moving inside of her. “And a fish that looked like Nemo.” “You wanted to take it here.” “He was cute!” She felt like someone was punching her on the stomach but she didn’t feel the pain. “Yeah, he was.” “Wow.” Adore looked at the ceiling’s lamp. “Bea, that looks really bright, it’s like a little sun inside of the hospital.” “That’s a lamp, Dorey.” “No, Bea, it’s a sun. They have a sun inside of this room.” Adore felt a pushing and tugging sensation on her stomach and next thing she saw was one of her kids being held up for her to see. “Here is your daughter, Adore.” Bianca nearly cried, their girl was really small and at the same time so beautiful, she looked like a small Adore. Ivy took the little girl to her and Adore kissed her little head. “My Willow…” Ivy took the little girl from her and left the room. “Where is she taking her? Where is she taking my daughter?” “She is taking her to the neonatal unit, she is going to be just fine.” Adore couldn’t tell whose was the voice she heard, she looked back at the doctors and after a minute her little boy was held up. “Here is your boy.” “Ethan.” Another nurse whose name Adore couldn’t remember took the boy to her, Adore saw him open her little eyes it was like he was looking something. “My little boy, he is looking for his sister…” The monitor started to beep very fast, the nurse took the baby and left the room as the doctors put an oxygen mask on Adore’s face. “What’s happening?” Bianca saw the doctors getting more instruments. “We need more suction here.” “She is bleeding too much.” “She is what?” Bianca was terrified, no one answered her questions. “Mrs. Del Rio, we need you to step out.” Another nurse guided her outside of the room. “We have everything under control.” “No, no, what’s going on? What happened to her?” “Everything is going to be ok.” “What happened to my wife? Answer to me!”

She got her out of the operations room and closed the door in front of her face.

[shanastoryteller]

Princess Kaguya of the Moon

so while i was in japan i stumbled upon a pop up alien and space museum/art gallery (if you can’t find a thing in tokyo, it probably doesn’t exist) and there were these gorgeous feudal paintings of the tale of the bamboo cutter and it’s a very good story but

what if

it went

a little

differently?

kaguya is the princess of the moon. she is a young child, gangly thin limbs and a plump mouth permanently set in a stubborn pout. she is a beautiful child, even by the moon’s standards, with her cold opal eyes and hair the same deep black as the void of space. she is an unruly, irritable child. she runs from the priestesses who attempt to teach her her duties, and steps on the feet of little princes from far away stars that her parents parade in front of her. she can’t be soothed by sweets, by soft toys, by pretty songs. she is a being of constant want, and nothing in the whole of space seems to satisfy her.

kaguya does not love the moon as she should. she does not find beauty in it’s silvery, iridescent ground, nor in the pools beneath its surface that glint like mercury. she finds her citizens stuffy and annoying, and all the people from the stars think they’re better than them just because they shine a little brighter. it makes kaguya cross – the sun shines brightest of all, and the only beings that still reside on it is a great monster of a dragon that no one dares cross.

the priestesses try to entice her to learn this portion of her duties at least, but she runs from them and plugs her ears and does not listen. there are times when the sun and moon cross paths, and when they do the great dragon of the sun attempts to gobble them up whole. it is only by praying to the god tsukuyomi and erecting a barrier that the royal family can protect their home from the sun dragon.

it is kaguya’s most sacred duty, and she has no interest in it.

she’s simultaneously bored by her home and insulted when others find it lacking, and this contrary rational might be distressing to the logic of an adult, but kaguya is not an adult. she is a child, and being contrary is her prerogative.

she is walking through in the courtyard behind a palace when a shooting star passes her by, then circles back again. it’s s such a little thing, it must have been traveling for a very long time, because it’s burned down so it’s only about half as big as kaguya. this means the star is very old. “child,” the falling star says, voice ancient and crackling, “why are you sad?”

“i am not sad,” she answers, but as soon as she says that she knows it’s a lie, and tears prick at her eyes. “i am always lonely, though i am surrounded by people. i am always bored, though there are many things to entertain me. i am always angry, though there is nothing wrong. i am sad because i am a piece that does not fit.”

“maybe you are simply a piece that belongs to a different puzzle,” the falling star says, “come, climb onto me, and i will i take you somewhere new.”

“will it be better?” she asks.

if a falling star could shrug this one would, but it can’t so it doesn’t. “it will be different.”

different sounds better to kaguya. she agrees, not bothering to say goodbye to her parents or her people, does not take one last look at the beauty of the moon’s surface. instead she climbs onto the falling star, her skin thick enough that she does not feel its burn, and rides it all the way down, until it is a star no longer and only a falling rock, until she goes tumbling onto a whole new planet, and as she falls she thinks that this new planet looks very green.

~

there is an old man called taketori no okina. he lives alone in a great bamboo field, and every day he wakes up at dawn and cuts bamboo until dusk, then he goes home and eats and sleeps and wakes up in the morning to do it all again. when he was a young man, taketori no okina fell in love with a samurai who had laughter lines around his mouth and strong hands, who taught him how to wield blades with a strength and skill that could cut down the strongest soldiers. but taketori no okina only uses it to harvest bamboo. the samurai was engaged to the daughter of a respectable family, and so he left. he left his village not long after the samurai, unable to be there alone in the place where they used to be together.  taketori no okina’s heart was so full of love for his samurai that he could not bear to love another, and so he never did.

he is awoken in the middle of the night by a bang that shakes his home and nearly deafens him. he stumbles outside, and a couple miles into his field he sees smoke. he goes running for it, concerns about fire and war – they’re in a time of peace now, but they weren’t always – rushing through his mind as he stumbles through. when he reaches the source, it’s to find his bamboo flattened in a ten foot wide circle and a little girl lying in the center. he falls to his knees beside her and carefully picks her up, cradling her in his arms. she’s pale, like she doesn’t spend enough time in the sun, and has long black hair. her thin chest rises and falls with her deep breaths, and he is relieved that she’s alive. “little girl,” he says, “you must wake up and tell me if you are all right.”

she opens her eyes, two pearls set in her delicate face. “i am well,” she says, and smiles at him. she curls into him, setting her head against his chest, “you are warm. i will stay with you, for you are warm and have a kind face.”

she falls asleep once more, a hand clutching something laying across her stomach and her other hand fisted into his robe. taketori no okina looks at this little girl and feels his heart expand, until it’s straining against his rib cage. he loves his samurai as much as he always has, but now his heart is bigger. it’s made room so he can fill it with love for this little girl, and so he does.

he carries her to his home and settles her into his bed. it’s a small bed, meant only for one, and she is a little thing, but he does not wish to crowd her, so takes the floor. tomorrow he will build her a bed and take her to market and show her the hot springs near the mountain. for now he falls asleep listening to her soft breathing with a smile.

the next morning he wakes up to her sitting on the floor by his side, running her fingers over a pockmarked stone. “what is that?”

“it is all that is left of my friend. she was once a great star but she fell, as all great stars must. she carried me here because i was sad. but now i am sad that she is gone.”

“that’s all right,” taketori no okina says, and she blinks down at him. no one had ever told her that it was okay that she was sad before. “she was very special, so we must put her in a very special place.”

he gets up and builds a ledge across the window with a platform just big enough for the stone to fit. he lifts her up so that she can set what’s left of her friend on it herself. “now she can see you and sky she came from at the same time, and you will always be able to see her.”

“she cannot see anything anymore,” she says, but she likes the idea of it, the sentiment. she feels less sad at her loss now, although she can’t say why, since nothing has changed.

once he has set her back on her feet she looks up at him and says, “i am kaguya. what shall i call you?”

“they call me taketori no okina,” he pushes a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, “you may call me whatever you like.”

she wrinkles her nose at that name. it is too long, and too formal. if she is to call him that, then he might as well call her princess kaguya, and she might as well not have left the moon at all. “i will call you oyaji,” she declares, and it’s not a term she’d used even with her father on the moon, but for this old man who built her a shelf and carried her home and had large, rough hands that touch her gently, she thinks it fits.

~

kaguya quite likes the new planet and her new father. he is man who’s spent a lifetime working and doing little else. he has a tidy savings that he cheerfully depletes on her; he buys her colorful kimonos for her to wear when he walks her to market, and functional kosodes for the days she spends playing in the river and darting through the bamboo forests. he tells her stories at night, of his samurai, of the emperor, and when he exhausts his reservoir of stories about this land, he tells her the tales of other ones – the fire-rats of china, the buddha of india, and when he even those run out he tells her of dragons, of a magical island called horai.

she loves these stories, and she loves him. there are days when she is sad and cross, and on those days oyaji kisses her forehead and tucks the blanket around her shoulder and brings her something spicy from the market for dinner. oyaji just lets her be sad or angry when she wants to be, and because of that kaguya finds that now she gets sad less and less, that more often than not she’s …. happy.

she notices the special care oyaji takes when he talks of samurai, and sees the strength and power in his limbs when he cuts bamboo, and decides she would like to be strong like the samurai in his stories, like oyaji is himself. so she asks and asks, and he’s worried that it’s too dangerous for her. but oyaji loves her like she’s his own flesh and blood, and is unable to deny her anything.

kaguya grows up. she grows up on stories of far off lands and magic, she grows up on warm, simple food made by someone who loves her, she grows up learning to wield blades with the same brute efficiency as oyaji. kaguya grows up beautiful. her skin is darker now that she dances in the sun’s rays, her hair is long and fine, and her eyes are as they’ve always been – pale and beautiful, small versions of the moon she was born on. she moves with a steadied grace that only a deadly woman can master and has the whipcord strength of body from days working in the bamboo fields alongside her father, but all the delicate features of the princess she was born as.

they were left alone when she was a child, when oyaji took her hand and guided her to meat stalls and cloth sellers and bought sparkly combs for her to wear in her hair. but kaguya is a child no longer. she is a young woman, and tales of her beauty spread far and wide. just as when she was a child and princes from far off stars came to court her, now princes come from far off lands. as a child she stepped on their feet, and as a woman she wishes to take her shiny blades and cut them from navel to neck. but she is not a princess here, she is the poor daughter of a poor bamboo cutter, and must act accordingly. she can’t go slicing up arrogant suitors who believe they are entitled to her, no matter how much she would like to.

the most persistent are five princes from lands far from here. she requests a betrothal gift from each of them, and says she will marry the first to return.

from the first prince, she requests the stone begging bowl of buddha.

from the second prince, she requests a jeweled branch from horai.

from the third prince, she requests a fire-rat robe.

from the fourth prince, she requests a cowry shell born of swallows.

from the fifth prince, she requests a colored jewel from a dragon’s neck.

off they go to fulfill her impossible requests, and kaguya rests easy knowing that they will not return, or if they do they will return empty handed.

but this is not the end.

the young emperor mikado has heard nothing but tales of this beautiful girl with eyes like pearls, and he’s curious. he wishes to go see her for himself, and when his council protests he quells their worries by saying he will bring suenori with him, one of his most trusted advisors, a dear friend and an accomplished samurai. they still aren’t happy, but he is emperor, and will do as he pleases.

privately, mikado apologizes for volunteering suenori without asking. suenori does not mind, but he asks, “do you think you will love this girl just because she is beautiful?”

“i think we are a rich nation of many gifts, and a bountiful supply of beautiful young woman is among them. yet only tales of this woman reach my ears – which means she must be so much more than beautiful,” the emperor answers.

suenori has a face worn into seriousness thanks to years of faithful service to his emperor, but his lips curl into a smile. mikado blinks – he doesn’t think he’s ever seen an expression quite like this on his advisor’s face before.  suenori says, “if you believe you may love her, then we must go. love is as vital as water, your majesty.”

“i am pleased to hear you say that, but surprised,” the emperor says carefully, “seeing as you are an unmarried man.”

“i was engaged once,” he answers, offhand, “but know this, if you are so determined to seek out this girl – you never fall out of true love. it’s a sentence as final and as terrible as death.”

~

mikado travels to the village in secret and sneaks into the bamboo fields. he sees her working alongside her father, rippling muscles and sweat soaked and every inch as beautiful as the rumors said she would be. but the emperor is no fool – there are many beautiful women in the world. though she is the most beautiful he has ever seen, that does not necessarily mean she is worth pursuing. so he waits, until she walks to market, wearing a delicate kimono and with glittering combs in her hair, things that it must not have been easy for her father to afford, things that were bought for her out of love.

he sits besides her at a food stand, dressed like a common man, and she wrinkles her nose at him. he ignores that and says, “you have lovely hands.”

she blinks, and turns to him. he’s surprised her. her hands have scars on them that could only come from throwing knives, and palms that are rough from long hours of work. she glances down at his hands – soft, unmarked, hands that have never struggled, and her lips quirk up the corners. “as do you.”

and after that it’s easy enough to draw her into a conversation, and he finds she’s funny and has a nice smile and is a dutiful daughter who loves her father, finds that her favorite taste is sun warmed, ripe cherries picked right off the tree. she tells a story about how as a child she’d muttered something about a bamboo castle as her father was tucking her into bed, and the next morning she’d woken up to find he’d spent the whole night lashing together bamboo to build a small palace just her size. she loved it so much she insisted on sleeping in it.

she leaves, but her eyes linger on him. she returns the next day, and he is there, waiting. this time she’s the one to sit down next to him and pull him into a conversation about how the rain has risen the riverbed. they talk about her town, and he tells her of the city he’s from. she tells him of her father, of the stories she grew up with. each night she returns to the stall, and each night he is there, waiting. after many days she points up in the sky and tells him which stars are her favorite, voice hushed like she’s imparting some great secret, and he knows at this moment that he loves her.

mikado thinks that all those people who talk about her pleasant face and long limbs are idiots. there are so many things about her that are more beautiful than her face. mikado thinks this must be true love, because only true love could consume him so quickly, could make a home in his chest after only a handful of conversations. he is the emperor, and decides the only woman worthy of being empress is the daughter of a poor bamboo cutter. but he’s not as foolish as those other princes. he knows she is not something he can take – she is someone he must earn.

so he learns of the five impossible things she asked for, and goes about getting them.

~

kaguya wakes up and steps outside to a gift left on their doorstep. she unwraps it, and in it is a small golden prayer bowl. sanskrit edges the rim, and there is a note explaining that is has been blessed by a powerful buddhist monk, and that she should keep it upright so that it can fill up with good fortune.

it is not the prayer bowl of buddha, but it’s almost as good, and much more thoughtful. she asks around town, but no one has seen the first prince return. she shows her father. “it is a special thing,” he says, “and so it deserves a special place.” he builds a wide shelf across the window, right below the thin one holding the last piece of kaguya’s falling star. kaguya places it upright, then bows, and wishes for good fortune.

the next morning she finds another gift outside her door. it is a small branch from a sakura tree, polished to shine. embedded in it are glittering jewels of incalculable value. she asks around town, but no one has seen the second prince return. she places it on the shelf next to the prayer bowl, and admires the colors that are cast over her walls as the sun shines against it.

in the morning she finds another gift. it is a haori made of the finest silk in china. it is bright red, with the legend of the fire-rats stitched across it in excruciating detail. she asks around town, but no one has seen the third prince return. its fits her perfectly, and feel like water against her skin. she folds it and keeps it on the shelf next to the bejeweled branch.

she awakens to another gift outside her door. it’s a swallow nest with cowry shells in it. she’s confused until she picks it up, and it’s grainy and stiff with salt. it smells like the ocean, and a swallow must have built their nest low enough and close enough to the sea for cowries to inch their way into it. she asks around town, but no one has seen the fourth prince return. she places the nest with the cowry shells on the shelf next to the fire-rat robe.

the next morning she opens the door to find mikado standing before her. he’s not dressed like a commoner like he was before, but in all the splendor that marks him as the emperor. a samurai stands at his back. “kaguya,” he says, “i am emperor mikado, and i have one last gift for you.”

her father steps outside, and she hears the sound of his knees hitting the ground. she wants to turn around and help him up, but finds she cannot move as mikado takes measured steps toward her. she doesn’t much care that he’s the emperor of this country – she is princess of the moon, after all – but she cares that he’s mikado, that the person who’s been leaving her gifts is the same smiling boy from the food stand.

he reaches into his sleeve and takes out a necklace of pearls and polished jade. “this was my grandmother’s, and hung from her neck more often than not,” he says softly, “she is the only dragon I have ever known.”

he places the necklace into her trembling hand. “i will not ask you today. i will return tomorrow morning at dawn, and ask you then. please, if nothing else, think about it. i do not know if I will make a good emperor, kaguya, but i am determined to be a good husband.”

she nods, and he moves to take his leave. his samurai does not follow him, and it’s only then that kaguya notices that the samurai is staring in shock at space behind her.

“suenori!” mikado calls out.

the samurai seems to come back to himself, and finally tears his eyes away. “coming, your majesty.”

she turns to see her father still on his knees, face pale and hands trembling. she falls beside him and takes his hands in her own, “oyaji, what’s wrong? are you hurt?” she presses her ear to his chest, but his heart beats just as strongly as it always has. she does not understand.

“that was him,” he says, staring past her.

she frowns, “the emperor?”

“no,” he answers, “the man he brought with him. that was my samurai.”

kaguya blinks, trying to remember the man that had been standing behind mikado. she’d barely glanced at him. “are you sure, oyaji? it’s been many years since you saw him last. who knows how he has changed.”

“that was him,” he says firmly, “i loved him with the whole of my heart until i found you, and then my heart grew so you could fit. when you truly love someone it does not matter what they look like or how much time has passed – you will know them anywhere.”

kaguya loves oyaji, and she wants him to be happy, so she knows what she has to do. “you must go after him,” she declares, standing and pulling him up with her.

“he was engaged when i saw him last, and we were young men then. i was a young man then, i was – i am old, kaguya. why would he want me as i am?” oyaji asks, something deeply, profoundly sad in him, and kagura’s heart breaks.

she has seen this sadness in him before, this wanting and this regret, but only through a lens, only through the stories she was told of a strong, handsome samurai who came to oyaji’s village. “you deserve to be happy,” she tells him, “i want you to be happy.”

“you make me happy,” he insists. “you are my daughter, and i love you.”

she says, “it’s not the same. go after him – i will be here when you return.”

he takes the pearl and jade necklace from her hands, “i am not the only one who now faces a difficult choice. he is not the first royal who has come seeking your hand. if you did not care for him, you would reject him outright, just like you did the others. you are not a woman who is swayed by promises of wealth, or status. you can only be moved by the promise of getting what it is you truly desire.”

“what is it that i truly desire?” she asks, trembling, because oyaji has always been able to see her for just who she is.

he undoes the clasp and gently pulls the necklace around her neck, settling it against her collarbones with careful fingers. “to be truly loved as you are. no more, and no less.” she closes her eyes and presses her forehead against oyaji’s because he is right, of course he is right, she desires precisely what every being in the universe does but won’t admit. he grabs her forearms and squeezes, “i will go after my samurai if you will think long and hard about the emperor’s offer. all i desire is your happiness. if the emperor will make you happy, then you should have him.”

“i will think on it,” she promises voice thick, and then pushes oyaji away and towards the direction of his samurai. “now go.”

he goes.

~

mikado has them stop on way back to the village and forces suenori to sit down, worried by how pale and lost he looks. “have you taken ill?” he asks, “should i fetch a doctor?”

suenori shakes his head, “no, your majesty. i just – i know that man, miss kaguya’s father.”

“i don’t understand,” he says, “why would you know a bamboo cutter?”

“because love is as necessary as water, and for years i have been without, i was dry and parched. and now,” he bows his head and clenches his hands into fists, “now i feel as if i am drowning.”

“both of those things kill you in the end,” mikado says, “you loved that man?”

“love,” he corrects, “when you love someone truly, you never stop.”

the emperor makes up his mind, “you must return, and attempt to win him back.”

suenori shakes his head, “no, i cannot. i could not fulfill the promise of my engagement to a lovely woman because i loved him too much, but – he has a daughter. he does not want me anymore, if he ever did.”

“suenori!” they look behind him, and kaguya’s father is running towards them.

his advisor’s face is slack with wonder, and mikado squeezes his shoulder before continuing on his way.

he is not the only one the deserves a chance at true love.

~

oyaji has used up all his courage chasing after him, and now that they’re standing in front of each other he can’t think of anything to say.

suenori swallows, then blurts, “i went to your village whenever i could, for years and years, but you were never there.”

“i left not long after you,” he confesses, eyes drinking in the sight of his lover from so long ago and his fingers itching to touch, “i couldn’t bear to be there any longer – there were too many trees we’d stood under, too many places you touched. i kept on imagining you would be there around every corner, and it was driving me mad.”

suenori takes a half step closer, and oyaji forgets to breath. “i never got married. i felt it would be dishonest to pledge my heart to a woman when is has belonged to you since the moment we met.”

he licks his lips and croaks, “kaguya is the daughter of my heart, but not my blood. you and her are the only people i’ve loved in my whole life.”

suenori is a strong man, a renowned samurai, someone who has endured pain and fear and loss with steadfast stoicism. but now he’s shaking, and oyaji finally bridges the gap between them. “we’ve wasted so much time,” he says, tears spilling from his eyes that he can’t stop, “we are old men, and we could have had a life together if we were not so foolish.”

“then let’s not waste any more time,” oyaji says, and tilts his head lower just enough so that he can kiss his samurai.

~

kaguya paces, and thinks, and paces some more. she loves mikado, if he were only a simple village boy then her answer would be easy. she would become his wife and invite him to move into her and oyaji’s home, or bring herself and her father to his. but he is not a simple village boy. he is the emperor to a nation, and that is a commitment she’s not sure she can bring herself to make.

but she loves him, and he loves her, and that may be enough. she’s witnessed her oyaji’s sorrow over the love he lost, how even at his happiest it still pained him, and she does not want that to be her fate.

decided, she leaves her home. mikado said he would return in the morning, but there’s no need to wait that long. kaguya has already made up her mind – she will accept his proposal, and become his bride and empress.

but as soon as she steps out of her home, she steps into a pool of moonlight. something she has done so many times before, yet this time it feels different, this time it feels as if the moon sees her.

“no,” she whispers, but it is too late. after so many years, they’ve finally found her.

royal soldiers fall from the sky and her parents, the king and queen of the moon, are there. “it is time to come home,” the king says, face as impassive and unmovable as stone.

kaguya’s hand itches for her blades, but she’s knows it’s pointless. “i do not wish to leave.”

“do not be selfish,” the king says, “you are the princess of the moon. you have responsibilities, and it is your duty to fulfill them. an eclipse is almost upon us – do you wish to see the moon swallowed whole by the dragon of the sun?”

her throat is tight and she cannot speak, but she shakes her head.

“then come home,” her mother says. “you are a princess, and must act accordingly.”

they’re not wrong. but kaguya did not ask to be a princess. she does not want to be the daughter of the king – she only wishes to be the daughter of a humble bamboo cutter, but this is not a choice she gets to make. “i want to bring my things with me.”

“very well,” her mother’s nose wrinkles at her home made of bamboo and rice paper, nothing like the great palaces of stone on the moon.

“i wish for a bottle of starlight elixir,” she says, heart hammering in her chest. this is a much bigger request.

but her mother only sighs like she always has, like she finds kaguya troublesome, and says, “very well.”

so kaguya goes back into the house, tears stinging her eyes, and packs up the kimonos and trinkets oyaji bought for her. she packs the gifts mikado had given her, except for the prayer bowl. that she leaves, along with a lock of her own hair. she writes a note telling oyaji that if he prays to the moon god tsukuyomi and thinks of her often, that if they burn her hair in this bowl at his death, she will know that his spirit is wandering, and she will come for him. for the remainder of this life they must be parted, but in the next kaguya swears they will be together once more. she leaves the elixir of starlight and a letter for mikado.

she takes a long look around her home, tries to commit the exact shade of the earth to memory, the sound of the river, the cool breeze on her face. “come along,” the king says, and kaguya reluctantly takes his hand and watches the earth get smaller and smaller below them.

~

oyaji mourns, and wonders if he’s cursed to always carry a terrible loss within him. it’s a bearable pain only because he always knew she came from the stars and that one day she would have to return. besides, when the time comes she will retrieve his spirit from the underworld and they will be together once more. he packs up all that matters to him, and follows suenori back to the capitol.

emperor mikado is inconsolable. the starlight elixir grants an unusually long life, and kaguya’s note had requested he drink it and live a fully, happy life, and that at night he looks up at the moon, thinking of her, because she will always be looking down at earth, thinking of him.

mikado cannot bring himself to drink it. a long life without kaguya by his side is a curse, not a gift. instead he gives it to oyaji and suenori. “now you have more time,” he tells them, “you can get the life together you thought you had lost.”

“we cannot take this,” oyaji insists, “my daughter intended it for you.”

“you must,” he says, voice catching, “because when i die i’m going to need people i can trust to follow my wishes. please – take this, live long happy lives together, and stay by my side all my life.”

suenori bows, “as my emperor commands.”

oyaji ignores all the rules of propriety and cups the emperor’s face to say, “you would have made a very good son-in-law.”

mikado graces him with one of his now-rare smiles. it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to him.

so oyaji and suenori drink the starlight elixir, and gain years that used to be far behind their grasp. they live together and love each other, and relish in the decades they now have by the other’s side. mikado takes an empress, but not a bride. oyaji and suenori are with him his whole life, and on his death they fulfill the only request the emperor ever asked of them.

they take his body to the mountain closest to heaven, and burn it, so that his ashes may rise to the moon and he can be with his love once more.

it almost works.

but as smoke and ash he has no bones and muscles with which to move, and goes floating across the moon and then far beyond it.

~

princess kaguya is very different from how she was as a child. she’s quiet and polite and does her duties with the priestesses and smiles at the princes that come parading in front of her, although she never chooses one for her own. she prays to tsukuyomi, and when the moon and sun cross paths she erects a barrier strong enough to keep the whole moon safe from the harm promised by the sun dragon’s snapping jaws.

kaguya likes the moon much more than she used to as a child, is able to finally see its beauty and its strength. but it is not earth, it is not the place she lived on for so long, it does not contain the people she loves most, and so it is hard for her to call it home.

it’s been many years since she returned to the moon. her parents are aging and frail, and are waiting only for her to choose a husband before handing the kingdom to her. strange reports start coming in, first thought to be exaggerations or lies, but the more people who have claimed to see it with their own eyes, the less able they are to ignore it.

the great, angry dragon of the sun has been the only being of that star for as long as they can remember. it is a huge hulking thing that curls around its star and spits and snarls at anyone that dares go near it. it will burn and swallow anything or anyone that it can grasp. if any of them were capable of killing the dragon, they would, but they are not. no one is capable of even approaching the sun unprotected without their life being forfeit.

except now rumors are reaching their ears. there is another being on the sun, a shadowy figure who seems intent on taming the great beast.

that was on thing, but the most recent rumors say it has succeeded. the most recent rumors say that the dragon of the sun has been tamed, and now the shadowy figure rides on its back. the most recent rumors say the dragon of the sun and its shadowy rider are heading straight to the moon.

they hold council meetings, and argue, and can’t seem to decide what to do about it. finally the priestesses of tsukuyomi  offer a solution – they will forge a weapon strong enough to slay the sun dragon, and then a warrior will ride to meet the dragon and kill it.

after a week’s efforts, the head priestess comes forward and presents two shining swords, polished silver and bone. her parents are arguing over who will wield them, but kaguya sees them and she knows. “i will,” she says, standing from her thrown and picking them up. they’re cool to the touch and heavier that one would expect from a blade of their size, but they’re perfectly balanced. her parents are looking at her in shock, but she repeats, “i will.”

she may be the princess of the moon, but she is also a bamboo cutter’s daughter. she knows how to wield anything that has sharpened edges with deadly accuracy, so she will.

“you will never get close enough,” her mother says, “you shine brighter than any of our citizens, he will see you and smell you and know what you are long before you get close enough to kill him.”

she grips the swords, feeling the bone handles warm to her skin, “i will not be detected. i will wield these swords.”

her parents try to argue against it, but she does not listen. she returns to her room, and reverently opens the chest she keeps at the foot of her bed.

she takes out the sparrow nest of cowry shells and weaves the shells into her hair. the scent of the ocean clings to them, and will cover her own scent so the sun dragon won’t be able to smell her.

she takes out the red silk robe of the fire-rat and puts it on. it hides the tell-tale colors of the moon’s body armor she wears so that the sun dragon won’t think she’s anything but a falling red star.

she takes out the jeweled branch, ties it to her forearm, and hides it into the sleeve of her robe. when she gets close enough, she will use the jewels to reflect the sun dragon’s own light back at it so that it will not see her blades heading to its heart.

she takes her favorite hair comb that oyaji ever bought her – a delicate golden butterly – and settles it at the base of her ponytail. she does this because it reminds her of her father, and it will help her be strong just like him.

the necklace of pearls and jade is not in the chest. it is where it always is – hung around her neck, so that she can touch it often and think of her love back on earth.

lastly, she takes the two swords and slides them into the sheaths across back.

she’s ready.

they have a ship for her travel in, but kaguya is smarter than that. traveling in one would ruin all the hard work she’s put in to not be seen. instead she stands out in the field behind the palace and waits. a falling star passes her by and she calls out, “hello! could you help me?”

the falling star stutters, then stops, and turns back around. “what do you need, princess of the moon?” it asks, voice younger than kaguya was expecting.

“i’m looking for the sun dragon and his rider. could you take me to then?”

the falling star considers her for a long moment before saying, “yes, princess, i can. get on.”

kagura climbs on the star and holds on tight as it careens through space, adjusting itself just enough to bring her where she needs to go.

she feels the dragon of the sun before she sees it. space is cold, but the closer they get the hotter the air around her becomes, until beads of sweat start trailing down her spine. none of them have ever seen the dragon up close before, but when she does she can’t help but gasp.

it’s beautiful.

it blended into the sun so well that they were only ever able to see it’s monstrous outline, but now it only has the darkness of space surrounding it. it’s a gorgeous splash of red-orange, it’s long body twisting and turning and glittering from its own light that it gives off. its eyes are the brightest yellow kaguya has ever seen. it’s a work of art, and for a moment she mourns that she has to kill this beautiful creature.

but it would gobble up the whole moon if she let it, so she must not.

what happens next happens quickly. she can’t see the rider, so she urges the shooting star to fly closer to the dragon. she pushes up the sleeve of her robe so the light bounces of the jeweled branch, then reaches behind her to pull the twin swords from her back. she throws herself from the shooting star onto the sun dragon’s massive body, and leans back so she can slam forward and deliver the first blow against the creature.

but two hands push her off balance, and she flips so she lands on her back, swords up, ready to defend herself against whatever is on the dragon with her.

it’s the rider, a man made of smoke and ash, and she pushes herself to her feet and prepares to sever the smoke man’s head from his body. these swords are blessed by tsukuyomi, and will cut through anything, even things which aren’t meant to be cut.

the smoke man falls to his knees, and does not raise a hand to defend himself. kaguya hesitates, for no reason she can name. the smoke man has no mouth, and cannot speak, but she almost feels like she hears a voice anyway, a niggling thought in the back of her mind.

she’s poised above him, blades ready to kill, as they stand on the back of the glittering dragon of the sun. she’s able to kill them both, shadow rider and sun dragon, and rid the moon of it’s most fearsome enemies.

but she can’t move.

she looks at the kneeling figure of the man of smoke and ash, and her father’s voice speaks to her, a memory surfacing from just before she left the earth.

“when you truly love someone, it does not matter what they look like or how much time has passed – you will know them anywhere.”

it cannot be. it is an impossible thing, and yet – she is the princess of the moon, riding on the back of the sun dragon. there are many impossible things in the universe. kaguya makes a foolish decision, and drops her swords. “mikado?”

the man of smoke and ash reaches out a trembling hand and touches the edge of her robe. she lands too hard on her knees in front him, and he touches the jeweled branch on her arm, then the cowry shells strung into her hair. he reaches for his own wrist, and she notices he has thick grey twine wrapped around it. he undoes it, and a glowing gemstone is attached. he points behind her, and she looks.

there’s a missing scale just below the dragon’s massive head.

“a colored jewel from a dragon’s neck,” she says, and he presses it into her hands. she undoes the robe so he can see the necklace of pearls and jade he gave her so long ago. mikado holds her hands in his own and lays his head against her shoulder.

that’s how they sit the whole ride back to the moon.

~

warriors and priestesses are gathered, prepared to die fighting the dragon of the sun. but mikado has tamed the dragon, and it will not swallow the moon unless he bids it to.

kaguya brings mikado down to the moon, past the warriors and the priestesses, past her parents, and through the streets and her people. they shy away from his strange form, eyes filled with fear as the dragon of the sun circles the moon and turns its surface red with the light from its scales when it ventures too close.  

she pays them no mind. she goes to the palace and grabs the first servant she sees. “fill a bath with starlight elixir,” she demands.

“your highness?” the servant asks, looking past her to the man of smoke that’s clutching the end of her robe like a child.

“that’s an order,” she snaps, and the servant obeys.  

it will take over half their store of starlight elixir. she would not care if it took all of it. her parents come demanding answers, but she does not give them. they try to touch mikado, and she raises her swords against them and any of the warriors they send in their place. no one touches him.

a bath large enough for mikado has been drawn, filled to the brim with starlight elixir. she helps him into it, but he’s smoke, so he doesn’t displace any of the elixir. he sinks into it, and she waits.

hours turn into days. the warriors and her citizens beg her to something about the dragon encircling the moon, but she refuses. she says any to lay a hand against the dragon shall meet her blade, as will anyone who disturbs her from her vigil.

on the seventh day, something changes. the elixir shifts to clear water, all of it’s power used up. mikado emerges from the pool gasping, and he looks just as she remembers. he is back in his human form, although he is no longer a human man. kaguya pulls him from the bath into her arms, and mikado’s warm arms come around her waist and his damp breath is on his neck.

“i believe i owe you a question,” he says, pressing soft kisses onto her temple and cheekbones, any bit of her he can reach.

“i believe i owe you an answer,” she says, “yes,”

she tilts her head up so the next place he kisses is her mouth.

~

kaguya announces her engagement to the knight of the sun, the being who had tamed the sun dragon.

her parents are angry, but mikado has defeated their greatest enemy, has allowed peace between the people of the moon and dragon of the sun, and there is nothing they can say against him.

mikado tells her of her father and suenori, how they drank the starlight elixir, of how her father thought of her every day and would look up at the sky at night and speak to the moon in her absence. kaguya sends a falling star to earth with a message, and not long after a different falling star returns with two men riding on its back.

kaguya goes running into oyaji’s arms, and he’s laughing as he spins her and kisses her cheeks. “i’ve missed you so much, my beautiful daughter!” he cries, holding her back to look at her in all her splendor.

“not nearly as much as i have missed you, oyaji,” she argues. he touches the butterfly comb in her hair and smiles, heart full and free of sorrow for the first time in his life. he has his lover and his child, and there is nothing else in the universe that could make him so happy. suenori tries to bow to mikado, his former emperor, but mikado pulls him into a hug before he gets the chance, and he supposes this works as well.

kaguya moves her father and his husband into the palace. she marries mikado, the knight of the sun, in front of all her people, and they swear their life and love to each other in the temple of tsukuyomi. she is married, so her parents step down from their place. she is named queen of the moon, and mikado her prince-consort. oyaji and suenori are by her side when the heavy crown is placed atop her head.

she loves the moon as she should. she sees its beauty and it’s strengths, admires its citizens, and it now contains all the people she loves most in the world.

queen kaguya of the moon and the knight mikado of the sun live happily ever after.

[mouseonmarrs]

Pneuma

As we turned the corner the instant warmth I felt oozing out of my body, the joyful smile on my face. The Christmas tree was brightly lit, covering the living room in a hue of greens and reds. It was like seeing it for the first time, every beautiful baby blue and royal purple ornament glimmered in the light. Each glittering snowflakes sparkle, reflecting the light of the bright decorations throughout the room. The silver reindeers looked as if they were coming to life as the light from the tree was like magic. My joy intensified as I laid my eyes on the shiny, perfectly wrapped presents coated in Sesame Street and Blue's Clues themed wrapping paper. The sight was amazing. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. I was so excited, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  As I looked over at my sister, I realized she was crying too. Just seeing her overcome with such happiness was probably the best thing I ever witnessed. 

My mom looked down at us and started to giggle. “Awe, look at my emotional little babies, what’s wrong love bugs? You didn’t think you were getting much this year?”

“It’s just so—, “I started.

“Pretty,” Nara finished.

Mom gave us a warm smile. “Well, I’m going to go get the hot cocoa and cookies. I’ll be right back.” She unravelled her hands from ours and made her way into the kitchen.

Nara made the first move towards the tree. She walked over to the smallest box wrapped in red and blue Elmo paper, bent down and picked it up. “I love the wrapping so much, I don’t want to open it,” Nara said as she smiled and looked at me. “How did Santa know I liked Elmo?” She turned and looked at the kitchen towards mom.

“Santa knows all there is to know about you, so he could give you the perfect gift.” Mom said light-heartedly as she pours hot water into mugs filled at the bottom with Swiss Miss Cocoa dust.

“How does he find these things out?”

“Well, he’s always looking after you and constantly reading the letters you write to him every year.” Mom giggled. 

“I really wanted to meet him.” I walked over next to Nara and picked up a small Blue’s Clues box. “I had a wish I wanted to tell him.”

“Must have been a very important wish for you to want to tell him in person and not through a letter”. Mom said curiously, decorating the drinks with whipped cream and marshmallows. 

“No, not this year. It was bigger than a letter. I’ll just wait till next year, that’s if I meet him” I said sadly.

“Don’t give your hopes up sweetheart. You never know.” She came around the corner with a decorative tray full of green and red tree-shaped sugar cookies, and three mugs of hot cocoa. “Looks like I had to pull out the secret weapon. I was expecting screams of joy, instead, I got tears.” She giggled as she placed the tray on the love seat.

“Sorry, mommy” Nara smirked.

“Don’t be, it’s fine darling. Besides, I know what always cheers you guys up” She handed us both a mug. “Be careful, it’s still hot.” She said and then grabbed her own and sat down on the long couch. “Alright, so who’s ready to open some gifts?”

“Well, I guess I’ll go first.” I sat down and placed my mug on the floor next to me and read the names on the package.

From: Grandpa

To: Kai

 I was a little excited, I didn’t know what this little package could possibly hold. “Is Santa grandpa?” I looked up at mom.

She giggled, “No baby, others also gave you gifts this year.”

“Oh okay. I thought I found him” I smiled and proceeded to unwrap the gift.

Under the wrapping was a dark brown square wooden case, that framed a glass opening. The case was embedded with designs of vines and leaves. Through the opening, there were seven different coloured crystals shaped in the form of teardrops and a silver chain tucked snuggly in velvet casing. Each stone was decorated with a silver ornamental brail. Taped to the bottom of the wooden case was a card describing the gemstones.

The Seven Healing Stones of Chakra:

Root Chakra

Bloodstone: Red, Black, Brown, and Gray

Stone Use: Protection, security, Physical Energy, Stability and Willpower

Sacral Chakra

Tigers Eye: Orange, Blue-green and Light Brown

Stone Use: Creativity, Cleansing, Intuition, and Emotion.

Solar Chakra

Topaz: Yellow and Gold

Stone Use: Ambition, Intellect, Personal Power and Protection.

Heart Chakra

Rose Quartz: Pink

Stone Use: Love, Compassion, Emotions, Balance, and Universal-Consciousness

Throat Chakra

Angelite: Blue

Stone Use: Communication, Clarity, Self-Expression, and Truth

Brow Chakra

Azurite: Indigo, Purple and Reddish-Orange

Stone Use: Spiritual Awareness, Psychic Awareness, Intuition, and Inner Wisdom

Crown Chakra

Amethyst: Purple

Stone Use: Enlightenment, Cosmic Universal Consciousness Energy

“Wow,” I said in pure amusement. “this is really cool are they like protection crystals?” I opened the case to examine the gemstones further.

“Your grandfather heard about your night terrors and decided to get that for you.” Mom came down off the couch and sat next to me on the floor. “Each stone represents a Chakra or spiritual and physical energy of the human soul and body. It’s a part of a religious belief called Hinduism in India. Grandpa thought you might need some protection, and knew you were into spiritual things like this.” She took the bloodstone crystal, installed it on the chain and placed it around my neck. “I think this one would be the best for you today.” She said, smiling.

“They are so pretty, may I see them?” Nara asked excitedly.

“Sure” I handed the case over to her.

“Grandpa really knows how to pick a gift. Where did he get this from?” 

“I believe he said he had it handcrafted by a shop in Japan while he was on tour in Korea.” Mom said with certainty on her face.

“Wow that’s amazing,” Nara and I both exclaimed.

“I will never take it off.” I looked down at the stone hanging around my neck.

“Okay! I want to open a gift from Grandpa!” Nara said lively. She handed the wooden case back to me and started searching under the tree. After fumbling around for a few seconds she found one from him. She pulled out a small box the same size as mine. “Oh, here we go, I can’t wait to see what’s inside.”

 “I thought the wrapping was ‘too pretty’” I smiled, mocking her.

“Shush,” she said while scrunching her face at me. 

I made a funny face back at her, causing an eruption of laughter. Nara then continued to open her present. Under the wrapping, was a wooden case similar to mine. It was decorated with the same vines, but the leaves were replaced with tiny flowers. Inside was a silver bracelet tucked in the same velvet casing with the same coloured gemstones as mine. Each was attached to the base of the bracelet in the shape of a halo with the gemstones coating the outside with a silver centre. Between each stone, there were silver ornaments that dangled with designs of dragonflies and different kinds of flowers. Taped on the bottom of her box was the same card explaining each gem’s use. Nara’s face lit up with bliss as she opened the case. Mom took out the bracelet and placed it on Nara’s tiny wrist.

“It looks beautiful on you, baby girl.” Mom said in awe

“Thanks, mama. It’s so pretty, Grandpa is awesome.” Nara lightly jiggled the bracelet.

“Look, the sun is coming up.” I turned my head in the direction of the window.

Mom and Nara turned their heads in the same direction. “I should get breakfast started,” Mom said as she got up and headed towards the kitchen. 

On her way, she grabbed the radio remote and turned on the Christmas Carol CD she plays every year. Nara and I continued unwrapping gifts and sharing our excitement. Showing each other our new toys and clothing while eating cookies, and singing along with the music. A little time went by before we suddenly heard a knock on the door. Nara and I paused and looked towards the door. There was talking and laughter outside the window that sounded quite familiar. Mom walked out of the kitchen to open the door. As the door opens mom was greeted with smiles and laughter.

“Well, hello there!” Grandma walked through the door and gave my mom a warm hug.

“Hey, Mama!” Mom teethly smiled, returning her hug.

“Grandma!” Nara and I yelled jumping up with glee.

“Oh, I smell something good cooking.” Another voice stepped through the door.

“Hey, grandpa!” We both giggled as we ran over.

“Hey brats, opening gifts without me?” He said jokingly, hugging us.

Pulling at my grandpa’s arm, we walked towards the tree to show him our new things, while Grandma and Mom walked towards the kitchen.

“I see you already started on breakfast”. said grandma while placing her jacket on the wooden dining room chair near the back door, taking a seat. “Are you guys still coming to the family dinner tonight?”

 “Yeah, right after I get those two situated and dressed, we’ll head that way.” mom responded.

“How did they like their gifts from Pops?”

“Oh, they loved them”, she sweetly smiled, “I think they were more excited about that than anything else. I love how their sets match they are really beautiful, thank you.” Mom says, grabbing the eggs and milk out of the refrigerator.

“No problem” smiled grandma. Speaking of, I made Kai a dream catcher. It’s back at the house. I hear they help with nightmares.”

“Thanks, ma, he’ll love that. Maybe he’ll start improving. I’m starting to worry about him.” Mom begins to frown. “He doesn’t seem to be getting better, actually I think he is getting worse.” She frowned while cracking eggs in the glass mixing bowl filled with homemade pancake mix.

“Worse how?” grandma said concerned, shifting her weight on the chair.

Mom lowers her voice, “He started running fevers in his sleep and sleep-walking. There have been times where I’ve heard him whispering to himself, and when I go to check on him, he’s sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes closed and whispering inaudible words.” 

“And Nara? Is she showing any signs?”

“No, not so far.”

“ That doesn’t sound good at all. I wonder why one is and the other isn’t. Grandma makes a face of curiosity. “You don’t think it’s –“ 

“No, I don’t know what it is. He hasn’t said that he’s seen them so I don’t ask.”

“Maybe it’s time you have.”

[goneshe]

Five times kissed - misguidcdghosts for Audrey. Even tho we haven’t actually done anything with them yet 😂😂 but we’ve discussed and rlly it’s everything SO

five times kissed // accepting // @misguidcdghosts​ (for audrey)

one: scream!au

“oh my gosh, it’s you.”

at first, audrey wanted to sigh. having people from in and out of town come in here and exclaim something like ‘it’s you!’ when they saw her behind the counter had gotten really old, really fast. in fact, it was tiring her out and pissing her off. she was sick of getting treated like a damn zoo exhibit just because she survived two murder sprees.

she really wanted to put piper and kieran (they’re both dead, those movies are over, roll the credits and leave the freakin’ theatre!) behind her and she couldn’t do that when—

“you’re the one didi writes poetry about.”

—wait, what?  

the tiny indian girl - audrey estimated her age to be around fourteen - had a toothy smile that could rival the sun and big, brown eyes. the red haired girl next to her, all blue eyes, freckles and scrapes on her arms, rolled her eyes: “sorry about madhavi. ever since her older sister broke up with her boyfriend and it didn’t work out with a family friend, she’s obsessed with playing match-maker.”

it was a slow day and so far, those two had been one of the few costumers of the day so audrey could indulge them. for once.

“don’t worry,” madhavi beamed at her, “she likes your butt and your fancy hair. i’ve read it in her diary!”

that was, apparently, the redhead’s cue to tightly grasp her friend’s hand in hers and swipe the tickets off the counter with her other hand: “oookaaaay, that’s about it! we’re just here to see descendants two, madhu, not to start a dating service! c’mon, let’s go!”

“but georgette!” madhu whined while her friend dragged her away from the counter. “georgie!”

audrey chuckled to herself when she heard the redhead - georgie - huff: “lilo and stitch, really?” and called after them, just in case they didn’t know or forgot: “it’s the first door on your left!”

georgette was the one who called back while madhu sulked: “thank you!”

one hour later, the door chimed again. audrey briefly looked up from refilling the popcorn machine before continuing with the task at hand while her blue eyes occasionally flitted from the popcorn machine and the huge bag in her hand to the girl.

the girl that walked in was, without a doubt, madhu’s older sister. she had the same brown eyes, warm like her favorite quilt, except audrey had seen a penchant for mischief in madhu’s eyes earlier and there was none of that to be found in the eyes of the kid’s sister.

audrey’s heart lurched painfully as she thought of rachel and gina. one dead, the other out of her life completely.

(while she understood where gina’s fear and the way she reacted to that fear came from, she’d been tired of constantly having to justify why she spent time with emma and brooke. so they had broken up a few months ago, which was…something gina hadn’t expected.)

what if the same thing happened to other girls she would ever date? what if things wouldn’t work out?what if they, too, would die because of her? fuck, those thoughts made her sick to her stomach.

the girl had moved to sit down on the nearest chair, effectively snapping audrey out of her thoughts. the girl had been looking at her, concern written all over her face. audrey stopped filling up the popcorn machine and promptly hauled the huge bag back towards the storage room.

“you’re early, the movie’s done in about fifteen minutes.”

it’s not at all what audrey wanted to say when she came back to the counter but she couldn’t stand the silence. the girl didn’t seem to have that problem, up until audrey spoke, she’d been softly singing along to dua lipa’s thinking about you.

brown eyes met blue and the girl blushed but flashed audrey a warm smile nevertheless.

“well yeah,” said the girl, “that’s true but i’d rather be too early than too late anyway.”

the last time she flirted with someone during work was the time haley stayed behind when she worked the graveyard shift and then haley decided to pull a prank on her and because of that haley’s idiot of an accomplice got stabbed, audrey knew, but was it too late to quip about how she also knew that the slender fingers that were currently tapping along to the beat of a new song also wrote poetry?

“i’ve got a thing for you.”

audrey’s head snapped back towards her so fast it was a miracle she didn’t get a whiplash.

a million things ran through audrey’s head ranging from a flirty that’s forward of you to a surprised wow and okay and somehow none of these things made it past the lump in her throat.

“in, uh, the literal sense of the word,” added the girl quietly as she got up and walked towards the counter. oh. with a strangely deflated feeling in her chest, audrey briefly glanced away while the girl rummaged through the pockets of her jacket and fished out a small envelope.

she slid it over the counter. their hands briefly touched. audrey took the small envelope, which brought a grin back to her face. “that’s adorable.” she tucked the envelope into the pocket of her jeans and tried to ignore how much her heart hammered in her chest from just that simple touch.

“i try,” chuckled the girl as audrey willed herself to look into her eyes instead of at her lips. “i hope you’ll like it.”

audrey was going to say something else but the door chimed once more and other costumers came in while the door on the far left opened and a lot of parents, older siblings and kids made their way towards the door.

“is your name didi, by any chance?” audrey asked quickly because ever since she met her kid sister, the question’s been eating at her.

“no,” the girl grinned now, all teeth and gentle eyes filled with mirth. “it’s mohini, but mo is the nickname most people know me by. didi means older sister in hindi.”

and that was as far as their conversation went: audrey had to help the other costumers and mo saw georgie and madhu in the crowd and quickly waved them over, asking them if they had fun. georgie nodded: “evie was so pretty!” madhu was quick to agree, “so was uma!”

mo glanced at a very busy audrey for the last time and then steered the two girls towards the door.

later, when audrey came home, half exhausted but also exhilarated, she changed out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable. the tiny envelope had fallen to the floor and audrey picked it up. her mouth was dry when she opened it and her fingers shook.

she walks, draped in moonlight, with the kind of grace i could never possess.eyes as blue as the sea and skies combined, i must confess, keep me up at night.her smile shines just as bright as the sun. yet her name, i know it not.

there’s a lot of things that i don’t know about you and there are plenty that i want to ask, should we ever meet again, but until that moment, i’ve written a list for you about the things you may want to know about me:

1) as stated before, i’m mohini banerjee. most, if not all, people call me mo.2) i really do want to get to know you better.3) i think that you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen.4) this is my number, call me if you’re interested. or if you need a friend and just want to hang out. i swear, i won’t send you any cat memes either way.5) i’m in a band and i’m the bassist.6) i can’t draw smileys. i can’t draw at all, actually.7) i’m sorry, i got distracted by the mere thought of you and the way you make sarcasm seem like art; this poem started off strong but ended up all over the place :P

before she fell asleep, audrey saw that the poem was signed and sealed with a kiss.

come morning, however, audrey would wake up to a text from an unknown number: how cute, says the first one, maybe i should cut off her fingers one by one, says the second text, so she’ll never write for you again.

two: harry potter!au

mo’s breath caught her throat the moment slughorn revealed the batch of amortentia to the class. shit, shit, shit shit. she’s always been more susceptible to potions that can alter one’s emotional state.

what a ravenclaw she was. had mo not gotten lost in a daze of mangoes, fresh books and leather jackets, she would have laughed at herself.

she knew how amortentia worked, after all. she knew how the potion managed to get such a visceral reaction from everyone. her parents worked as potioneers when they still lived in india. she’s been around them from day one. then they relocated to the uk and mr. and mrs. banerjee started a grocery store for wizards and witches and wixens.

“mohini,” audrey’s voice cut through the daze like a sharp knife and it was only then that mo became aware of the slytherin’s hand on her shoulder. “c’mon, the lesson ended ten minutes ago.”

her eyes cut from audrey’s concerned face, back to the cauldron. “you’re super pretty,” breathed the oldest banerjee, “even when you’re worried.” rationally, mo supposed that she could understand why audrey had been worried but really, the potion smelled so nice…

“no, no, no,” audrey grabbed her by the hand now, “no more potion sniffing for you. let’s go.”

the pull of the potion lessened the more steps they took away from the dungeons. after a while, mo let go of audrey’s hand, who asked if she was all right for the final time and when mo nodded, audrey bid her adieu and went over to one brooke maddox - gryffindor extraordinaire - who had been waving at her short haired friend.

mo herself retreated back to the common room. or at least she wanted to but then imagined that she could run into rajiv kumar and noah foster (who had been an infamous hatstall between hufflepuff and ravenclaw) and promptly turned around, heading for the owlery.

she didn’t see audrey until dinner that evening. which was a good thing; it had given mo plenty of time to freak out, calm herself down and freak out once again when she told the story to her bandmates. it was olivia, emma duval’s niece, who gently told her that she ought to thank her.

if it hadn’t been for audrey, who knows what would have happened, right?

so here she was, walking towards the slytherin table which was dotted with red, yellow and blue as well; the rules about sitting at your own table? bullshit. according to them, anyway.

“um, audrey?” man, mo hated how pathetic she sounded. even to her own ears!

audrey was in the middle of telling or re-telling a story to noah but turned around at the sound of her voice: “what’s up?”

“i wanted to thank you. y’know, for back there,” mo inclined her head towards the dungeons.

noah arched an eyebrow as mo continued: “i mean, if i stood there for a moment longer, well…” she heard what mo had blurted out, hadn’t she? “…i just wanted to say thanks.” and before she lost her nerve, mo stepped closer, around the table, and kissed audrey on the cheek.

three: the tomorrow people au

“audrey, we just had a new breakout,” cara told the girl who was currently lounging on one of the many couches in the lair, an old and abandoned subway station under the streets of manhattan. “i need you to get to her before ultra does.”

why can’t brooke— audrey started to think but cara cut her off: “brooke is training with stella yamada and emma just found out that one of the newer breakouts is related to her. noah, jake and stavo are training scott, wendell and charlie respectively.” audrey scoffed and got up. honestly, fuck telepathy. and fuck this entire gig, she didn’t sign up for supernatural babysitting duties!

grabbing her jacket from where she’d thrown it over a chair, she called back over her shoulder: “where do i need to be?”

“hudson cliff. it’s an elementary school for sick kids and kids with learning disabilities.” what the hell? the last time they had such a young recruit, john rescued her from the citadel.

“oh, and audrey?”

“what?!”

“hurry.”

with a soft pop, audrey turned on her heels and then she was gone. she appeared in the old, abandoned subway station and rushed to the surface. top-side, they all called it. with cara literally in her head and the fact that she knew the route by heart, audrey got to the elementary school in what could be considered record time.

she’s inside, cara’s voice echoed, be careful, ultra’s already on her tail too. try to get to her before they do but if it gets too hot, i want you out of there, understood?

yeah, like that was going to happen. audrey scoffed again. quieter, this time. she was here now. might as well stick it out to the bitter end.

a loud scream shattered audrey’s telepathic reply to cara into a thousand tiny pieces and the ultra agents sent to subdue the new breakout came flying out of the nearest classroom, their guns skidding across the hallway as they smacked into the wall and slid down to the floor where they laid, in a crumpled heap, unmoving.

another scream. the hairs on the back of audrey’s neck stood on edge. she was ready to fight or flee if necessary. audrey stepped over the threshhold and that was as far as she got.

“no! stay back! stay back!”

in the middle of the classroom sat a girl about her own age, tears and blood splatters all over her, cradling another girl into her arms. a kid, audrey realized while her stomach churned and she almost gagged. fuck, she was going to be sick.

how she got the words out, she didn’t know: “i’m…my name is audrey jensen. i’m—i’m like you. and you’re not safe here. shit, i know it’s the last thing you want to do right now but i need you to come with me now. more men like the ones that are now lying in the hallway are coming for you and they won’t stop until they have you. they work for an organization called ultra and i’m so fucking sorry for your loss and i hate to do this but we need to go.”

“let them come,” snarled the girl. her eyes met audrey’s and for a brief moment, their minds connected and audrey was awash in a whirlwind of emotions, primarily consisting of years of anger and a whole lot of grief and sadness and pain. pain, pain, pain that was hers and wasn’t hers at all. “let them,” the girl repeated again, “i’ll kill them, it’s what they deserve. it’s what they all deserve for killing my younger sister!” hindi swears spilled over her lips like a waterfall.

tears ran down her cheeks and she looked like she was struggling containing another scream.

a memory that wasn’t hers flitted before audrey’s eyes; the little girl took her hands and pulled her towards central park, crowing that she finally managed to make it across on the monkey bars and that she wanted to show her: “c’mon, mohini! i practiced real hard!” it was like a butterfly or a snowflake; one moment it was there and then it was gone but it was enough to have tears spring to audrey’s eyes. she blinked them away and cleared her throat.

cara, audrey’s eyes flashed from the crying girl on the floor to the remnants of what was once a well kempt classroom. i’m here. the new breakout killed two ultra agents after they killed her younger sister.

audrey heard cara curse in her head. she heard it so clearly that the brunette might as well have been standing right next to her: do you think you can make it back with her on your own? russell needs my help with something else. if not, i can send stephen to meet you halfway.

no, audrey thought, it’s okay, i got this. but do tell stephen that he needs to pick up the…the kid. fuck, they killed a kid, cara! they killed a fucking kid! she’s, what, seven?! they got to a kid!

cara told her that she was sorry and that they’d talk about it when the two would get back to the lair but as of right now, the fact remained that audrey had twenty minutes left. the clock was still ticking and ultra was still hot on their heels. she swallowed audibly and knelt down. gently, she placed a hand on her shoulder. the girl, whose name audrey now knew, flinched visibly.

“it’s mohini, right?” audrey’s voice was low, hopefully soothing and almost a whisper.

“most people call me mo,” she croaked back, “but yeah, it’s mohini.” she sniffed. her eyes met audrey as she said: “we can’t leave her here. she needs to be cremated. and my parents—”

oh gods, her parents. what would her parents say?! what would her family do if they found out about this?!

long black hair shielded mo’s face like a curtain as her body shook with barely contained sobs.

after giving her a hug, audrey brushed mo’s hair back and gave her a kiss on the forehead. she didn’t know what else to do or to say. it was something that her mother used to do, before she got sick.  

“we can’t leave her here,” mo repeated, quieter, as if all the life had been drained from her too.

“we won’t,” audrey assured her and gently helped her stand up. mohini carried her sister to the bed in the corner and tucked her in. it looked like the little girl - madhavi, or madhu as those close to her called her -  was merely sleeping instead of dead. “i know someone who will make sure your sister gets back to your parents in time for the…the cremation, i swear.” mo nodded. “c’mon,” audrey said and swung an arm around mo’s shoulders. “let’s get you outta here.”      

four: teen wolf au

while the jensen family wasn’t as esteemed as the calavera family or the argents, they were still good hunters - mrs. jensen had been from a prominent hunting family too - in their own right. though her mother put the hunting life behind her when she got pregnant and then again when she got sick, her father continued on for a while; he even taught his daughter the basics.

just so she could protect herself while he retired. audrey took to it like a fish to water. after rachel died, she swore to herself that she would do everything in her power to avenge her and to protect her group of friends consisting of a banshee (brooke), a werewolf (jake), a human much like herself (noah), another huntress (emma) and someone with a penchant for drawing horror scenes who was something else but didn’t exactly know what (stavo). 

and things were all right until they weren’t because this is beacon hills and, inevitably, shit goes down here. this town had weathered many storms, this town would continue to do so. but all of that would wait, for beacon hills would have to deal with a supernatural band first.

stella yamada was a kitsune. brooke got the information out of her easily with a smile and a wink, an offer to stella that sounded like sure, i’ll totally help you familiarize yourself with beacon hills; i’d love to hang out with you! which was not only a way to help out audrey but also because the blonde truly wanted to hang out with her. 

her father was one too, stella had said, munching on curly fries. after the death of his previous partner, he spent a long time mourning her before he eventually found love with leila penn and gained not only a second chance at love but a bigger family; leila, who was as human as they came, had split up with her ex-husband and won custody over her two youngest boys, tim and tom, while their oldest girl - clea - occasionally dropped by to visit.

olivia white was a huntress that wasn’t cut out for that life at all. soft and pliant and sweet, she spent her time reading and researching and had taken to helping out doctor deaton’s and the cats and dogs - but mostly just cats in her spare time. she was also related to emma who learned how to handle a gun because it became a matter of life and death back in lakewood.

then there was scott pickett who was, much like noah, as human as they came. but he was quick as a whip and quite knowledgable when it came to lore and surprisingly easy going. he and wendell “wen” gifford, a leprechaun, were nine times out of ten, the brains behind plans. 

charles “charlie” delgado easily befriended stavo. other than their heritage and a love for comic books, they had other things in common. charlie was sure he was something other than human but he wouldn’t be able to tell you just what he is if you asked him.

lastly, there was mohini “mo” banerjee. named for one of vishnu’s avatars and skilled with a bass guitar, noah thought she was a garuda at first. an avian shapeshifter. he wasn’t wrong. while mo wasn’t an avian shapeshifter, she was a shapeshifter in every other sense of the word. you see, mo was an apsara - a shapeshifter with an extra pair of arms that could look like any other person out there, though their voice, abilities and gait remained the same. 

“the apsaras of old could probably fly and control the air with less difficulty. i can’t do either. my mom can fly, though, and i’m pretty sure that my younger sister’s going to surpass me one day.” her father, a gandharva - which was like the male equivalent of an apsara - had no flying abilities to speak of either, mo added after a while, but he was musically inclined. 

“what can you do?” asked audrey while mo continued to gently move the huntress’ fingers about, lacing their fingers together. mo shrugged: “i can sense changes in the weather and i’m pretty good with instruments.” audrey didn’t understand why her hands enthralled mohini so; they had been stained with death and had seen cruelty and violence too many fucking times.

mo pressed a kiss on both hands before she let go of them. “just call me your personal weather woman.” 

audrey laughed, thoughts of weaponry and the next threat to becon hills were forgotten for a while.

five: no killer!au

olivia had been right, mo thought, the carnival really was the perfect way to spend their off season. this way, she could get to know her aunt and niece a little better and stella had been begging - well, not really, but olivia knew how much the lead guitarist wanted this gig - to play at lakewood’s annual carnival with their original numbers and covers. 

and really, the other band members only had to look at their faces to give in, laughter on their own lips and fondness in their eyes. mo was one of the first ones to say okay to it all, the others soon following suit.

besides: winning an actual version of the battle of the bands, small though it was? against mikayla skeech and her own band? that would look great for their repertoire. (and mo was living for every moment that proved just how much talent lemonade mouth really had!)

that thought, as well as wen’s promise that he’d get her some cotton candy after their performance, kept mohini’s spirits higher than her height of 5′6″. 

they had time to spare - more like time to kill, in mo’s opinion - so the band scattered, each one promising to be backstage half an hour before, just in case they needed to go through their set-list or just in case things changed. olivia reminded them all to keep their phones on.

(the carnival was also a way to remember nina patterson and her boyfriend tyler who passed away in a freak car accident at the start of the school year.)

“you look lost,” chuckled a voice to her right when mo passed the food stalls once again. 

“don’t we all at some point?” was the first thing out of her mouth.

“i suppose.” the owner of the voice was a girl with short, black hair and a wide, sarcastic grin. 

she was dressed in black, had the bluest eyes mo had ever seen, was shorter than the bassist and had a video camera on her person. lemonade mouth had been in the song business for a while now so cameras didn’t freak mohini out anymore. they used to, before.

“i’m audrey,” said the girl, “i’d shake your hand, but—” she was holding her video camera.

“mohini, though you can call me mo. and it’s okay, i’ll just shake your other hand.”

“that’s smart,” audrey drawled and mo winked: “i got sorted in ravenclaw on pottermore.”

“i don’t have any nicknames other than aud or auds,” she said, “and i’m not much of a harry potter fan but congratulations.” mohini shrugged, waving a little at audrey’s camera, “that’s cool. i prefer roshani chokshi anyways.” honestly, mo would sell her soul to write half as well as that lady.

they were silent for a while and then mo said: “if you’re still in the market for a nickname or two, i’d be happy to oblige. i do love a good challenge.” though, really, knowing her and her penchant for flowery words and sentences, audrey would probably go home with a poem about her and her name, filled to the brim with a thousand compliments and then some.

mohini’s phone buzzed. it was a text from charlie, saying that she needed to get to the main stage. she showed it to audrey who said: “maybe later, after your performance. that is, if you’re sticking around.” rachel hadn’t. they had broken up shortly after the start of the school year. it was a clean, mutual break up and it was for the better - rachel needed time and space to focus on herself and the way she saw herself and needed a change of scenery after the video - but audrey still missed her sometimes. they had been friends before they dated.

“oh, i am,” mo assured her, “i’ll be here for three weeks, if not more.”

another text. this time it was scott, wondering why she wasn’t responding and why she wasn’t on her way to the main stage already.

“you should go.”

“i should. will you be there when lemonade mouth takes your little town by storm?”

“sure,” audrey grinned widely at mo as the latter finally stood up. “i can’t not check you guys out. you look like a bassist.” blue eyes met brown. audrey blew mo a kiss after she said: “and, y’know, i’m pretty sure i’ll see you around either way. break a leg out there, will you? i really don’t like mikayla skeech and the scene.”

[tamboradventure]

How to Use the Sharing Economy to Travel on a Budget

Updated: 12/27/2019 | December 27th, 2019

In the decade that I’ve been traveling, the Internet has revolutionized travel. While not always for the better, there is no question that it has allowed people to share, connect, and collaborate in ways that haven’t been possible.

For budget travelers, this change has led to a plethora of new money-saving and community-building apps and platforms that have made travel even more affordable and accessible. It’s never been easier to connect with locals, get off the tourist travel, and experience the local pace of life.

To help you save money and connect with locals and travelers alike, here are the best sharing economy platforms for travelers.  

Hospitality Networks

Hospitality networks have been around for decades but they didn’t get popular until the creation of Couchsurfing.

Founded in 2004, this was one of the first sharing economy platforms to change the way people travel. Couchsurfing connects travelers with locals who are willing to give them a free place to stay (couch, room, floor, etc.). In addition to accommodation, travelers get a local perspective on a destination. It’s meant to be used as a form of cultural exchange and is used by travelers of all ages (and families too!).

Couchsrufing popularized hospitality networks and, with millions of members all around the world, it’s easy to use and find hosts pretty much anywhere. And if you don’t want to stay with locals, you can use the app to meet other locals and travelers for coffee, a meal, a visit to a museum, and other fun activities.

There are always meet-ups posted on the platform (including lots of language exchanges) and it’s easy to find travel companions on the app as well. (My Community Manager has used it to find road trip companions on a few occasions).

But there is more than just Couchsurfing out there. Other hospitality exchanges worth checking out are:

Be Welcome

Horizon

Global Freeloaders

Warm Showers (for cyclists)

Purple Roofs (for LGBTQ travelers)

  House and Pet Sitting

One of the most recent areas of the sharing economy to see major growth has been house sitting and pet sitting. As more and more people travel, there is a growing demand for house and pet sitters as most people can’t bring their pets (or farm animals) on a trip with them.

On the other side of the coin, more and more travelers are looking to travel slow. There are also tons of digital nomads out there who need long-term bases to work from as well. House sitting and pet sitting websites like Trusted Housesitters have done an amazing job at connecting these two demographics.

Much like Airbnb, there are profiles, ratings, and reviews to ensure the platform is safe for everyone involved.

I know bloggers who travel exclusively via house sitting, cutting their travel costs by as much as 30% a year! If you’re looking for a unique and fulfilling way to travel slow, try pet sitting. Because who doesn’t want to spend their time with cute animals?

Other house and pet sitting webistes you can use are:

Rover

HouseCarers

Mind My House

Housesit Match

  Apartment Rentals and Paid Accommodation

Hotels are expensive. Maybe hostels aren’t your thing. So, what’s the next best choice? Renting someone’s apartment (or a room in it)! On apartment sharing/rental websites, you can rent a room, couch, or whole apartment at much cheaper rates than a hotel room.

Plus, you’ll have a local host to answer your questions and a kitchen to prepare meals. It’s the best middle ground between hostels and hotels. I think Airbnb offers the most robust inventory for finding a spot in someone’s house, and I prefer them the most. (That said, Airbnb is far from perfect.)

However, it’s important to always compare rental sites because, unlike hotel sites where properties appear over multiple websites, listings are at the owner’s discretion and some owners list their property on only one site.  (If you’re new to Airbnb, get $35 off your first stay!)

Similar services to Airbnb include:

Wimdu

HomeAway

Campspace (formerly Camp in my Garden)

FlipKey

  Eat With Locals

Like apartment sharing, there are now meal-sharing sites that connect you with local cooks. EatWith lets locals post listings for dinner parties and specialty meals that travelers can then sign up for.

You can pick from a variety of meals in each destination with each meal uniquely designed and priced (like Airbnb, hosts choose their own prices). Since each cook has their own specialties, you can find a ton of variety on this platform. The dinner parties are intimate, insightful, and are a unique opportunity to do something different, pick a local’s brain, and make new friends.

Similar services include:

Meal Sharing

Traveling Spoon

With Locals (food tours)

Colunching

  Taxis

In many countries around the world, taxis are incedibly expensive. As a budget traveler, you likely avoid taking them as much as possible. However, every now and then we all need one. Instead of calling a regular taxi, use taxi ridesharing apps to save you money.

Lyft is available around the world and is an affordable option of budget travelers. Uber is the other main option. It’s usually a little bit more expensive than Lyft but the cars are nicer and the service a little more professional.

Both options will save you money (especially if you use the “pool” option to share your ride with other potential customers). If you choose Uber, use code jlx6v to save $15 off your first ride. Other apps that replace taxis are:

DiDi

Gojek (Southeast Asia)

Gett (UK, Israel, Russia)

  Car Rentals

Need a car for a few hours — or a few days? Rent someone else’s! Turo (which is available in the US, Canada, the UK, and Germany) allows you to rent people’s unused cars by the hour or by the day. Prices are usually cheaper than your traditional rental, and you’ll have much more variety too.

Car rental platforms are great for short rentals where a traditional company might be inflexible or overpriced. Other car rental apps worth checking out are:

Getaround

CarHopper (luxury cars in large US cities)

Drivy

RV Share (for RVs)

Trailer Made (For trailers and camper vans)

  Rideshares

Rideshares are a convenient and cheap way to travel medium and long distances. Instead of taking the train or a bus, you can use ridesharing apps to find locals and travelers who you can, for a small fee, share a ride with.

It’s a popular option in Europe and, while usually not as cheap as the bus, it’s often much faster (and more comfortable).

Drivers are vetted and verified and it’s a much better way to get out of stuffy trains and buses, meet interesting characters, and take a mini-road trip. It’s one of my preferred methods of travel.

The biggest player in this space is BlaBlaCar, which is huge around Europe and a couple other parts of the world (like India, Turkey, Mexico, and Brazil).

If you’re traveling on a budget and want to have a more memorable experience, try a rideshare. It will save you money, time, and you’ll have a much more interesting experience!

Some other good ridesharing companies:

GoCarma

Liftshare (based in the UK)

Gumtree (UK/Australia/NZ)

Kangaride (Canada)

Roadmate (NZ)

Share Your Ride (Global)

Craigslist

  Volunteering/Work Exchanges

If you’re looking to travel long-term but don’t quite have the savings, consider a work exchange program. These usually entail volunteering at a hostel, farm, school, or NGO in exchange for free accommodation (and often free food as well).

Positions can last for a couple of days to a couple of months; there is tons of variety in the lengths of time as well in the positions available. You can find opportunities in pretty much every country and city in the world too.

Worldpackers is one of the best platforms to start your search in. You simply pay to sign up (most work exchange websites charge a nominal fee) and then you’ll get access to their database. You can search for opportunities, read reviews, and contact hosts directly to plan your next exchange.

If you’re on a budget and want to extend your travels, this is one of the best ways to boost your time abroad. Other great work exchange resources are:

Helpx

Workaway

WWOOF

***

The rise of “the sharing economy” has made it so much easier for travelers around the world to connect with each other — and save money in the process!

But more than just saving money, these platforms allow better access to destinations, promote new interactions, offer unique opportunities, and create nuanced and intimate travel experience.

On your next trip, be sure to give the sharing economy a try. You’ll learn much more about the culture and destination, save money, and have a much more memorable experience.

Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation You can book your hostel with Hostelworld as they have the largest inventory. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. I use them all the time.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and that will save you time and money too!

The post How to Use the Sharing Economy to Travel on a Budget appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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[sartle-blog]

Marie Antoinette Undressed: 5 Things You May Not Know

[yourbolderswedish]

Food, photographs & the Ucky mato incident

Me and a Funfetti birthday cake. I wish someone looked at me the way I look at cake! 

From an early age, I’ve had a complicated relationship with food.

As a child, I loved every manner of sweet treat and syrupy drink. Mostly cake. Good lord! If you put a Funfetti cake with marshmallow frosting before me, I could have taken it down in one sitting. (I have photographic proof.)

Also, Cool Whip. I don’t know why but I loved Cool Whip. That is until one December night, when as a youngster I was sleeping at my grandparents’ home. I woke in the middle of the night and crept to the kitchen. There, I found the Cool Whip in the freezer and sat on the floor, devouring the entire container. The technicolor stomach pains and vomit I experienced over the next several hours cured me from Cool Whip. No more. Ever.

One food I have vivid memories of detesting as a child is tomatoes. My family likes to tell a story about me as a toddler, dining in a fancy restaurant with relatives visiting from out of state. My mother ordered a hamburger for me. When it arrived, I promptly lifted the bun from the burger, grabbed the offending tomato beneath and threw it on the floor, exclaiming: ‘Ucky mato!’

I will never live down the Ucky mato incident. 

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with food. Here, I devour a large, onion and mustard-slathered hot dog during a birthday lunch with my newspaper co-workers. I have made them pledge this photo will not be used in my obituary.

My parents worked hard to provide my brother and me with healthy, nutritious meals as we grew up. I remember dinners with sweet corn picked from my mother’s backyard garden or homemade bread. As we aged and my parents’ work schedules changed, meals started to involve more Hamburger Helper and canned goods. To this day, my brother and I play a game, What food from your childhood will you never eat again?

My brother’s usual immediate response: ‘Beef stew! I have told myself over the years that I will work hard and have a good job so I never have to feed myself or my family Dinty Moore Beef Stew.’ He really does hate the stuff.

For me, I will never again eat Cool Whip (see above) and Spam. Just thinking about that gelatinous canned meat gives me the chills.

When I went off to college, my food life expanded a bit. I worked in a grocery store to help pay my way. There, I was fortunate to have discounts on decent cuts of meat and bulk-size boxes of Top Ramen.

During treatment for Breast Cancer 2.0, I celebrated the announcement I was in remission with several bites of pecan pie. I was bald and happy. Very bald. Very happy.

Still, there were many nights of beer, pizza and junk food. The Weed and I have a favorite memory of one summer when we were living together, working minimum-wage jobs. One night, we scraped together enough cash to buy a box of Twinkies and a 12-pack of bottom-shelf beer. I can’t remember what the beer was. I do remember, however, how happy The Weed and I were that night. We sat in the summer heat, downing snack cakes and cold beers. Those were simpler days.

Today, food is again complicated for me. Having been diagnosed with breast cancer twice, I am trying to make better choices. Honestly.

My disdain for tomatoes has been tackled. I can now eat any manner of tomato in a salad, on my plate dressed with basil, mozzarella and balsamic or straight from a container.

I also now make a concerted effort to eat foods I have read about and seem to have cancer-fighting properties.

That brings me to my latest obsession: Ginger and turmeric tea. I can drink cup after cup of this stuff and I really do enjoy it.

My friend Tracey introduced me to the Rishi organic turmeric and ginger blend. After buying this tea a box at a time for several months, I gave in this week and went to Whole Foods and cleared the shelf of this magic elixir. If you haven’t tried it, I fully endorse it. It’s caffeine free. You might not be able to find it in Boulder County, Colorado, though. I have a pretty decent stock on my shelves at home.

While at Whole Foods, I also bought a few tins of organic turmeric and cayenne pepper to start sprinkling over my meals.  

I have been putting a tablespoon of the cayenne pepper in at least one cup of tea each day. It’s an interesting taste, kind of intense.

I recently talked with my oncologist about using turmeric and cayenne pepper in my diet. She grew up in India. So, she offered several ways to use turmeric in cooking and she encouraged me to use cayenne. Both offer anti-inflammatory, digestive and anti-congestive benefits.

Also, the active ingredient in cayenne pepper — capsaicin — has been shown to kill prostate cancer cells.

In an article published in March 2006, called ‘Hot Pepper Kills Prostate Cancer Cells in Study,’ Dr. Soren Lehmann of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and the UCLA School of Medicine said: ‘Capsaicin had a profound anti-proliferative effect on human prostate cancer cells in culture. It caused 80 percent of the prostate cancer cells growing in mice to commit suicide in a process known as apoptosis.’

So, I’m hopeful my newfound love of cayenne pepper has some benefits in my life.

The Weed and I also have started using the Blue Apron meal service. I haven’t seen anything specific about cancer-curing properties in the meals like pork chops with mashed potatoes and maple-glazed kale. Still, there are vegetables in each dish and a decided lack of Spam. Thankfully.

Bon Appétit! If you have any cancer-curbing suggestions you’d like to share. I’m all ears.

•••

My parents recently sent several boxes of old photographs to my brother, J.J., and me.

The black and white, Polaroid, and blurry images arranged in albums with carefully written captions showcase our youth.

My parents. Not The Clampetts. (Nice smoke, Jerry!)

There are photos of my towheaded baby brother finding a piece of Easter candy tucked behind a lamp months after he was supposed to. The glee in his chunky little face is infectious.

There are photos of me as a precocious first grandchild bathing in a kiddie pool in my grandparents’ yard. The purple bathing suit I wore was a little too revealing, showing acres of baby chub. I likely have a lawsuit on my hands.

Picking through these boxes the past several days has given me moments of great joy, side-splitting laughter and a little bit of sadness.

Seeing my parents so young and beautiful is meaningful. They were so happy. They were so proud.

Seeing my brother as a toddler, riding his pedal-driven tractor, is classic. Today, he is a construction supervisor. He travels across Colorado, overseeing large civil and general construction projects. We should have known his devotion to heavy equipment at a young age would play heavily into his adulthood.

The photos of me are pretty great. I was an adorable child, if I do say so myself.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with all these photos. For now, they are in a closet. I will again look at them, I’m sure.

These reminders of simpler times are nice.

My brother, J.J., and his pedal-driven tractor with close supervision from my mom. No one wore helmets in the 70s!

[southasia]

        In today’s society,arranged marriages are not as popular or favored by the new generation. They feel it’s important to know their future spouse before hand and not go blindly into a marriage. These ‘love marriages’ don’t usually sit well with the older generation. This script explores the nerve racking process of informing your parents of your potential future spouse. It also emphasizes the importance of family in South Asian culture and how that impacts a person’s life. 

NOT SO ARRANGED 

CHARACTERS:

SAPNA KAPOOR – MAIN FEMALE PROTAGONIST

AYAN CHOPRA – MAIN MALE PROTAGONIST

ANUSHKA KAPOOR – SAPNA’S MOTHER

ARJUN KAPOOR – SAPNA’S FATHER

SADAF CHOPRA – AYAN’S MOTHER

ROHAN CHOPRA – AYAN’S FATHER

POOJA CHOPRA – AYAN’S YOUNGER SISTER

 Sapna and Ayan think it’s time to let their parents know about their relationship. In hopes they’ll allow the two to marry, the loving couple set up a dinner date for their families. With their future on the line, Sapna and Ayan do their best to impress the parents, but things don’t go according to plan. (Comedy) (Drama)

 SCENE ONE:

EX. UNIVERISTY COURTYARD - AFTERNOON

A university courtyard on a spring afternoon. The sun is shining bright while Sapna and Ayan sit on the grass with their books around them. The two are talking intensively about a serious matter which almost breaks into an argument. The birds are chirping in background as students walk around the yard. There are other students sitting on the grass either talking or studying.

Sapna slams her book shut to emphasize her frustration.

SAPNA

    Well why not? We can’t hide this forever. Soon enough they’ll marry me off to some third cousin and you’ll still not say anything. It’s the perfect timing. No one’s past away in our family, my dad’s not fighting with his sister anymore and my grandma and mom are okay with each other.

Ayan makes a hesitating face

AYAN

    What if they don’t like me? They’ll shun me out forever and I’ll never see you again. And you know how strict my parents are. The only girls they’ll let me talk to is my sister or my cousin.

Sapna erupts in laughter.

SAPNA

    Your cousin Neha? Oh, that’s too good!

Ayan nudges her with his elbow

AYAN

    That’s not funny. I can’t even stand to be in the same room as her, imagine us married. It’s like a living nightmare. What if we do get married?

SAPNA

    I’ll be there at your wedding cheering you on. But seriously, you have to tell your parents. If you don’t, I will and I can’t wait to hear how angry your parents get when my parents call them to inform them about our lovely relationship.

AYAN

    Oh, that’s just evil.

Ayan sighs.

    Fine. I’ll tell them, but don’t expect them to like you.

Sapna squeals in joy.

SAPNA

    Oh, great! But who knows, what if everything goes well and we are worrying for nothing.

AYAN

    Ha, what world do you live in?

Sapna looks to the sky.

SAPNA

    I can’t wait to see Neha’s face when she finds out.

AYAN

    And my mom’s face when she realizes what a disgrace I am.

SAPNA

    Oh, and my dad’s face when he finally sees I’m not his perfect daughter.

Sapna and Ayan both turn to face each other.

SAPNA & AYAN

    I want out.

SAPNA

No, Ayan you agreed, I didn’t.

AYAN

    And this is your idea, not mine.

SAPNA

    But now I’m thinking it would be easier to just run away to Alaska and live in the wilderness. We can have some really cute matching camouflage outfits and our parents could think that we’re just dead so we’ll never have to meet them again. And then we’ll have a family and we’ll tell our children their grandparents are shape shifting bears but then something happened and now they’re stuck as bears. So anytime they see a bear they’ll think it’s their grandparents, so they don’t feel left out. And then one day, we’ll……

Ayan puts his hand over Sapna’s mouth

AYAN

    Or we could just tell them?

Sapna pulls Ayan’s hand down to her chin.

SAPNA

    Alaska sounds more fun.

Ayan raises his eyebrows.

SAPNA

    Fine, telling the parents it is. But it has to be done tonight.

AYAN

    Good, we’ve come to agreement.

 SCENE TWO:

INT. THE KAPOOR HOUSE – EVENING

Anushka is in the kitchen cooking dinner vigorously while Arjun is watching a cricket match between Pakistan and India. The noise from the cooking and television surrounds the household. Sapna enters hoping to get past her parents to buy more time.

ANUSHKA

    Sapna! Oh, Sapna is that you! Come here!

Sapna turns on her heels and straightens her back. She stands in the kitchen door way.

SAPNA

    Yes, Mama?

Anushka turns her back away from the cutting board on the kitchen counter.

ANUSHKA

    Did you greet your father, yet?

Sapna turns her head to the living room.

SAPNA

    Hello, papa! I’m home!

Arjun raises his hand in response, but maintains his attention on the television.

ANUSHKA

    How many times do I tell you, you have to go up to your father, not yell across the room. Respect! Come here. Chop the lettuce and tomato for the salad.

Sapna goes to the cutting board and begins to chop.

ANUSHKA

So, how was your day, beta? Did your presentation go well?

SAPNA

    Ya, I did great! My teacher said I was excellent.

Anushka looks over Sapna’s shoulder. She taps her head with her hand.

ANUSHKA

    Chop thinner slices. That’s too big. Your father will choke on these pieces.

SAPNA

    Okay, okay, okay Mama.

Sapna angrily chops the lettuce head into two.

 SCENE THREE:

INT. THE CHOPRA HOUSE – EVENING

    The household is completely quiet. Pooja sits in her room listening to loud music on her headphones while reading a book. Rohan remains at work and is not present. Sadaf is silently sweeping the floor.

    Ayan unlocks the door loudly and jingles the keys out of the lock. He grumbles as he enters, careless of the quiet environment.

Sadaf comes to the entry way.

SADAF

    Hello, beta. How was your day? Was it too cold outside?

Ayan is pulling his shoes off with both hands, while balancing on one foot. He grunts after each shoe comes off.

AYAN

    It was good. The weather was fine.

Ayan manages to pull off this second shoe and leaves them in the entry way. Sadaf picks them up and stores them in the closet.

AYAN

    Where’s Abu? Pooja!! I’m home!

SADAF

Your father is still at work, he’ll be home in half an hour.

AYAN

Good. I have to tell you all…… something important.

Pooja comes through the hallway and hears Ayan’s last words.

POOJA

    Something important? Are you going to drop out of school? No wait, let me guess, your running away to London and gonna live with Saashi Masi. Noooooo. You’re not pregnant are you?

AYAN

    Shut up, Pooja. It’s something else.

SADAF

    Eh, respect, both of you.

Pooja sticks out her tongue and Ayan gives her the middle finger as Sadaf has her back towards the two. Sadaf leaves to continue her sweeping.

POOJA

    So, you’re finally gonna tell them about Sapna.

AYAN

    Yes, I’m gonna tell them, you’re not. Keep your nose out of this.

Pooja squeals in joy.

POOJA

    Oh, I can’t wait! I’m finally gonna have an older sister. You better not mess this up. This is may be my only chance at having a great older sister. I don’t want to have Neha as a sister.

Pooja overdramatically shivers.

 SCENE FOUR:

INT. THE KAPOOR HOUSE – EVENING

The Kapoor family is having dinner. Anushka and Arjun eat at a fast pace, despite there being no hurry. Sapna picks at her food, eating in small bites.

Sapna drops her spoon on her plate to get her parents’ attention.

SAPNA

    I’m dating someone!

Sapna closes her eyes to bear any reaction from her parents.

ARJUN

    Dating? What is this dating? Anushka, what is she talking about?

SAPNA

    (In a quick tone)His name is Ayan Chopra, he has a younger sister named Pooja. His parents are Rohan and Sadaf Chopra. They are a good family, he’s studying to become a neurosurgeon and he’s a good boy. No criminal record, he respects his family and I want to marry him.

Pause.

Anushka and Arjun look at each other and smile wide.

ARJUN

    Sapna, do you have his home phone number? I want to speak to this father.

SAPNA

    Um, uh, yea Papa. But his father is still at work. He’ll be home in about ten minutes. Wait, are you too okay with me dating someone behind your back and wanting to marry him?

ARJUN

    I think I’ll very much like this boy.

Anushka nods her head.

ANUSHKA

    I think he’s absolutely wonderful. What is his name, again? Arvin?

SAPNA

    Ayan, Mama.

ANUSHKA

    Yes, yes, Ayan. Good name too.

 Sapna begins to eat her dinner with pleasure.

SCENE FIVE:

INT. THE CHOPRA HOUSE – EVENING

The Chopra family is eating dinner ever so quietly. Ayan is eating loudly as his nerves are getting to him. Rohan, who recently arrived, has noticed Ayan’s behaviour.

ROHAN

    Ayan, what’s the hurry? Slow down.

Ayan lifts his head form his plate and chews his food.

POOJA

    Abu?

ROHAN

    Yes?

POOJA

    Ayan has something to tell you.

Ayan widens his eyes and tried to kick Pooja who sits opposite him.

ROHAN

    Well, tell us Ayan, what is it?

AYAN

    Well, uh, um, uh.

Everyone waits in anticipation.

    AYAN

    I have been seeing this girl at school and we want to get married.

SADAF

    Who is she?

AYAN

    Sapna Kapoor. Parents, Arjun and Anushka Kapoor.

POOJA

    She’s really pretty, Mama. You’ll like her.

ROHAN

    (To Pooja) You’ve met her.

Pooja nods her head. Rohan begins to mumble, thinking hard about the name Kapoor.

ROHAN

    Okay, when can we meet her?

AYAN

    Here, Friday night at 6:00 over dinner and chai.

ROHAN

    Great. I’ll call to confirm the plans.

AYAN

    (confused) Great.

SCENE SIX:

INT. THE KAPOOR AND CHOPRA HOUSE – NIGHT

Ayan and Sapna are talking on the phone. Arjun and Rohan are also having a conversation over the phone and sound very happy, almost like old friends.

AYAN

    Are you hearing what I’m hearing?

SAPNA

    They’re laughing. This is a good sign right?

AYAN

    Better than good, this is frickin’ awesome! You think our moms will be the same.

SAPNA

    Oh, totally. My mom hasn’t stop kissing my cheek for finding such a good boy. God, I never thought our parents would react like this.

AYAN

    Right, I think my mom is unpacking her wedding dress right about now.

Sapna laughs in response.

SAPNA

    So,

AYAN

    So,

SAPNA

    Everyone seems excited, for the dinner I mean

AYAN

    I am too.

Arjun and Rohan are speaking loudly on the phone, overjoyed with the conversation.

AYAN

    Are they like distant relatives or something?

SAPNA

    More like long lost brothers.

 SCENE SEVEN:

INT. THE CHOPRA HOUSE – AFTERNOON

The day is here, the Kapoors are over for dinner at the Chopra’s. Both families are eager to met, yet nervous.

The doorbell rings while the Chopra’s make last minute adjustments.

POOJA

    Ahhhh, they’re here!

SADAF

    Keep your voice down. Open the door.

Pooja opens the door and the Kapoors enter. Arjun and Rohan embrace each other with open arms, patting each other on the back. Sadaf and Anushka greet each other and are instantly engulfed in conversation about their families. Pooja is clinging onto Sapna while Ayan tries to set her free.

ROHAN

    (To Arjun) introduce me to your lovely daughter.

ARJUN

    (Placing a hand behind Sapan’s back) this is my daughter, Sapna

SAPNA

    Hello, uncle, aunty.

After brief conversations, Arjun and Rohan go to the living room and begin a conversation about Rohan’s business. Anushka and Sadaf enter the kitchen to prepare dinner. Sapna, Ayan and Pooja head upstairs to Pooja’s room. The rest of the evening goes smoothly as the two families sit down for dinner.

SCENE EIGHT:

INT. THE CHOPRA HOUSE – EVENING

Both families are seated at the dinner table.

SADAF

    So, Sapna what are you studying?

SAPNA

    I’m doing a masters in journalism while trying to find an internship at a local newspaper.

ROHAN

    Journalism is a great field to go into.

ARJUN

    That’s exactly why I told her to study it.

Ayan and Sapna look at each other and roll their eyes that their fathers’ obvious attempt to impress each other.

ANUSHKA

    And Pooja, how are you’re classes?

POOJA

    Second year of high school is going great.

AYAN

    Ha, yea right? How about that assignment you failed?

POOJA

    (To Sadaf) Mama, tell him to stop.

AYAN

    So, uncle how do you and Abu know each other?

ARJUN

    (Laughs) How do we don’t. He’s a classmate, neighbour, past business partner and the only friend my father approved of.

Rohan erupts in laughter.

ROHAN

    You forgot about the cleaning lady!

Everyone laughs.

SAPNA

    Papa, you had a business with uncle? You never mentioned it. What was it?

ARJUN

    It was years ago, and it was just small business. Not too important.

SADAF

    I don’t think so, Arjun Bhai. Your Paan Shop was a good success.

AYAN

    (almost spitting his drink) A Paan shop? Ah, ha, ha! What was it called? A & R’s Paan Palace?

Sapna and Pooja erupt in laughter.

SAPNA

    Or, or Papa’s Paan.

Everyone cannot control their laughter and giggles.

ROHAN

    No, no, no

ANUSHKA

    (To Arjun) Do you want to tell them the actual name?

POOJA

    What was the actual name?

SADAF

    It was called ‘PAAN’

Everyone remains silent.

SAPNA

    I like mine better.

Ayan and Pooja smile.

ANUSHKA

    (Smiling) you know, that’s where Sadaf and I met your fathers.

AYAN

    I guess no one could resist the Paan Princes.

ARJUN

    Ayan, make fun all you want, but it was a huge success!

AYAN

    So what happened?

Arjun looks at Rohan and then down at his plate. The parents feel awkward at Ayan’s question.

AYAN

    (Looking around)Did I say something wrong?

Everyone remain silent and continues to eat their dinner. The parents feel awkward after Ayan’s question.

ROHAN

    Some things……… are meant to be short term.

ARJUN

(Chuckles) Short term? I wasn’t the one that left the country.

ROHAN

    I wasn’t going to give up the opportunity for a better business just so I could stand behind a counter and make paan.

ARJUN

     One simple note. You didn’t even leave a simple note. You got on a plane and left. Your milk man was the one who told me the news. But my friend of 20 years didn’t.

Everyone is beginning to be uncomfortable.

ROHAN

    If I told you, you would have never let me go. You would have convinced me into staying and I would not be here today, with my own business.

ARJUN

    You had a business! With me!

ROHAN

    Paan does not feed a family, it barely feeds two!

Silence.

ROHAN

    (Low voiced) You’ve always been jealous of me.

ARJUN

    That’s it! This is why your mother liked me better! And I wasn’t even her son!

Sapna and Ayan look at each other in fear.

SADAF

    Kids, go to the living room.

Sapna, Ayan and Pooja head into the kitchen in order to continue hearing the conversation.

ANUSHKA

    Arjun, keep your voice down.

ROHAN

    (Standing) You’re just sitting on your couch watching T.V., right? Wow, nothing’s changed. Do you still get your mother to feed you?

ARJUN

    (Standing) No, I get your mother to feed me!

ROHAN

    (Outraged) she’s dead!

Silence.

Anushka and Sadaf leave the two and enter the kitchen to continue to hear the conversation.

ARJUN

    (Sitting)When?

ROHAN

    (Sitting)It’s been 7 months. I thought of calling you, but I didn’t know where you were. So, when I heard Ayan say your name, I thought it was a second chance for us.

ARJUN

    25 years. It’s been 25 years since I last saw you.

ROHAN

Nothing has changed. Well, except for your hair loss.

The two giggle.

ARJUN

    So, when’s the wedding?

THE END.

[ecotone99]

[FN] Peppers

Margrett was sitting in her garden, swinging on the little porch swing she had George set up for her a few years back. There were all sorts of flowers there; spring had sprung a few weeks ago, so the flowers were looking as fine as they ever would. Margrett spent lots of time in her flower garden, among the marigolds and rose bushes, the tulips and hedges, the climbing vines and the decorative trees. She also had the eatable garden, with the tomatoes and the corn and the peppers. That was always George’s favorite place to work. He had grown up on a farm, so he knew how to take care of plants. When he was on his deathbed though, he made sure to make Margrett promise that she would take care of it for him. And take care of it she did. George had never really talked about how to maintain the plants with Margrett, so she went to the public library to check out books on how to cultivate her own food. That was years ago.

The peppers were always his favorite. George’s family was originally from India, so he always liked very spicy food. Margrett could never eat some of the foods that George could, but she always made sure to try a bit of them. Even the super spicy curries that he loved so much. He always said that the peppers loosened his joints, and after he said that he’d always do a little dance. God Margrett always loved that dance.

Margrett got up from her seat and walked over to the eatable garden to look for weeds or things that were ready to be picked. She grabbed the little basket that sat next to the raised beds and started to look over the space. The tomatoes were coming along nicely, she picked a few of the plumpest and reddest and put them in the basket. Then she moved along to the eggplant, seeing a good one she twisted it off and put it in the basket. Moving over to the fruits (George had always considered tomatoes a vegetable) she walked between the blueberry bushes and the strawberry plants, picking as she went and dropping them into the basket. Then she got to her favorite part of the garden, the peppers and herbs.

She decided to get to the peppers last today, so she went to the herbs first. These were seated on outdoor tables in little planters, that way they could be easily harvested and seen, not to mention them being protected from animals. Animals other than humans that was. She pulled off a leaf of mint and stuck it in her mouth, chewing it to release its freshness as she walked through the tables covered in green. She decided that she’d make some lemonade today, Diane had some lemons she’d given her from her tree that would go nice with a little bit of the mint. She pulled leaves of this and sprigs of that as she walked, making her way to George’s peppers.

There were all sorts of peppers, Margrett’s late husband had always like variety in his life. If she every suggested making the same thing for dinner twice in a week he’d joke that she’d ran out of recipes to cook. She looked to the bell peppers first. They were green, which meant they weren’t quite mature. But green bell peppers were always welcome, so she picked a couple anyway. Then came the chilis that George had always loved. There were all kinds, jalapenos, bird’s eye, jolokia peppers, and so much more. She walked over to the generic chili peppers.

There was something off about the plant. Something was moving, even without the presence of a breeze of any kind. She bent down to get a loser look, and there she saw the creature for the first time. It was small, with its body being the length of her hand. Its head was a chili pepper that could split open horizontally, with two little slits that acted as a nose of sorts. It didn’t seem to have any eyes, not that Margrett could see anyway. The stem moved further than any stem had before, with four appendages mimicking legs coming off of its thin body. It was wriggling around, trying to pick itself and get free.

Margrett was stunned. Nothing in the library had ever mentioned the produce coming to life. She took the clippers and snipped the dragon off at a reasonable length. It fell to the ground and scuttled away. Or at least it would have had Margrett not scooped it up in her old hands.

“Woah there little guy, you can’t get away from me that easily,” she said with a chuckle.

The dragon turned its head to look at the old woman. It moved it up and down, as if it was looking her over for whatever reason. Then it reared back and sneezed. Some of the fluids got onto Margrett’s arm and she immediately knew what it was. Capsaicin. Her skin started to get irritated at the chemical.”

“Hey now, don’t be like that,” she scolded as she brought it inside to wash her arm off. Her kitchen was small and scarcely decorated. She set the basket of produce along with the little dragon on the counter. It immediately started sniffing around the place with its little slits down on the counter.

Margrett finished washing off her arm and was drying it off as she thought what to do with the little dragon. She could always show it to somebody. Maybe she could bring it to her weekly bridge game at Diane’s. She walked over to the phone on the counter and punched in her number.

“Hello?” came the voice from the other end of the line.

“Diane? It’s me, Margrett,” she responded.

“What can I do for ya Margrett?”

“I found a little dragon in my garden, do you mind if I bring it to today’s bridge game?” she asked. “I don’t want to leave it alone here at home. God knows I go crazy enough in here by myself.”

“Sure, I don’t mind. As long as he doesn’t make a mess.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Diane. Thanks.” Margrett ended.

“No problem.” Click.

“You hear that?” Margrett said, turning in the kitchen to look at the small dragon munching on one of her tomatoes. “You’re going to meet the girls.”

Margrett spent the remaining time before bridge making a large pitcher of lemonade with the lemons Diane had given her. She squeezed the lemons by hand, adding water and sugar in no particular amount. Then she took some mint out of the basket, dodging the dragon finishing his tomato, and threw it in. She took out a wooden spoon, stirred the whole concoction up, and tasted it. A little sweet, but sometimes all you want is something a little sweeter.

She took the pitcher in one hand against her body and the dragon in the other and walked over to Diane’s house. They played in the parlor, which had an old chandelier above an even older table. She set the pitcher of lemonade next to a plate of cucumber sandwiches, a small salad (Greek from the looks of it), and a plate of chocolate chip cookies. A fine lunch. Everybody was already in the parlor.

Diane, her designated partner, was sitting at the head of the table. Margrett took her place at the foot. Bethany and Edith were across from each other on the left and right side respectively.

“Sorry I’m late everybody, there was a dragon in the garden today,” Margrett explained as she set the chili dragon on the table.

A chorus of variations on ‘it’s alright, hon,’ went up from the table. They started to play. Typically, they played one game, had lunch, and then played another game. But if Diane and Margrett won one and Bethany and Edith won the other they’d play a third one if nobody was busy to break the tie. Bethany and Edith won the first game, then they cleared and set the table for lunch.

Plates were set out, as well as cups and forks. The plate of sandwiches was set in the middle of the table, along with the bowl of Greek salad.

“It’s a little sweet,” Margrett warned as she filled each glass around the table. “But I think it’s still good.”

“So, what’s this I hear about a dragon?” Bethany said, taking a bite of cucumber sandwich.

The dragon, who was sniffing around the table, looked up at this. Its head was pointed towards Beth, but quickly swiveled to the rest of the women in turn.

“I was looking through the garden this morning, and I found it wriggling trying to get free. I figured I’d see if you gals had anything to say about it.”

The old women went silent at this. None of them had every really seen a dragon, let alone had any experience with them.

“Does it have a name at least?” Diane asked. “No pet is complete without a name. Took me a few days to name Charlie.”

The cat Diane gestured towards lazily looked up at the group of women eating around the table and then went back to licking its paws.

“I actually do think I have a name for it. I think I’ll call him George. Peppers were always his favorite, so it seemed fitting,” Margrett explained.

The women agreed that it was a very fitting name. They finished lunch and played their second round of bridge. Bethany and Edith won the second game too, but Diane and Margrett had gotten closer on this one than they had the first time. They each had a cookie and then Margrett went home.

She walked back into the kitchen, putting the leftover lemonade into the refrigerator. Margrett looked around the house and noticed she didn’t have a place for the dragon. It didn’t look like it would take much space, so something small could be arranged.

She poked around her closet for a while and eventually found an old shoebox, so she took off the lid and set the box on the counter. That could’ve done on its own, but she decided that she needed to make it a little cozier. So she set an old tea towel on the inside of the box, curling it up into a nest of sorts. Then she remembered that every bed needed a pillow, so she went into the medicine cabinet and amongst the various medications she took, along with the ones George used to take, there was a bag of cotton balls. She took out a few and pressed them into one somewhat coherent mass before going back into the kitchen and placing the pillow into the bed. She decided that the makeshift bed would be good for at least a night.

After that she went around the house cleaning as she normally did in the afternoons. She swept the floors in the kitchen, dusted the shelves around the house, cleaned the bathroom, and generally decluttered anywhere there was clutter.

Once she was done cleaning Margrett looked at her calendar. She was scheduled to be a substitute teacher for Mrs. Gill’s fourth grade class. Maybe she could take in the dragon for a day, the kids would love seeing George. Then she heard a sneeze and remembered that pure capsaicin was akin to pepper spray, so she eventually decided against it. Her stomach growled and she realized how hungry she was.

She looked around in the pantry to find something to eat, and eventually settled on making spaghetti with meat sauce. She set a pot to boil and got out the noodles, Italian sausage, everything for the sauce, and the red pepper flakes. George had always called red pepper flakes ‘birdseed’ for whatever reason. George, the dragon this time, took an interest in the little red and yellow flakes. Margrett took some in her aging fingers and held it like fish food above the little pepper dragon. He opened his mouth hungrily and she sprinkled them in. The little pepper shut his mouth and seemed to swallow, although he had no digestive system. Margrett didn’t ask questions.

Once dinner was ready, she plated herself up a portion and placed it on the table. Then she took a shallow dish and put some sauce and a small mountain of red pepper flakes on top and set it next to her own plate. Then she carefully scooped up the dragon from the counter and set him on the table next to his plate. He lapped it up quickly, then looked at Margrett as if to ask for more. Margrett smiled and got up to get George more sauce. He lapped his seconds up nearly as fast as the firsts.

“No more.” She said, turning to her own plate.

Once dinner was over she took George the dragon in her hands and set him on the easy chair George her husband used to sit in all the time. She took her place in her own, lighter rocking chair. She took the book that was on the table and cracked it open. It was a mystery, and she was a little over halfway through it. Out of instinct, she started to read aloud. The particular chapter she was reading had the detective investigating the crime scene again, the clues and puzzles unravelling in his head. She enjoyed mysteries. She finished the chapter and looked over to George. He was curled up in a little swirl, with his head resting on his paws.

She delicately scooped up the plant and set him down in his tea towel bed. Then she took the shoe box and brought it to her room, setting it down on her bedside table. She said a quick prayer, then turned out the light and went to bed.

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[phawareglobal]

Iain Hess - phaware® interview 300

In our 300th episode, Iain Hess discusses his lifesaving double-lung transplant he received two years ago on January 17, 2017. Iain is a former pulmonary hypertension patient from Colorado who was diagnosed at age 5. 

My name is Ian Hess, and I'm here to share my story.

One year ago, I was standing on top of one of Colorado's 14,000-foot peaks. It was a difficult climb to the top, but overall it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It was something that I'd wanted to do for a long time, but never had the opportunity to, because for 12 years I had lived with pulmonary hypertension [PH]. Doing something like this was just simply impossible. But thanks to my physicians, nurses, parents, people at the pharmaceutical companies, friends, everyone, I was able to do such a thing.

Going back to 2004, two weeks before a planned family trip to India, I was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. At the time, I couldn't really comprehend what my diagnosis meant, but the doctors essentially told my parents that if I were to go on a flight pressurized to 8,000 feet, it would be a big mistake. So, 10 days later I had a right heart catheterization, which confirmed that I have super systemic levels and I immediately was diagnosed and had a central line put in and was put on a CADD pump which administered Flolan.

For years after diagnosis, the progression of the disease was constant, but it was not frightening. In a way, it was like boiling the proverbial frog in that I couldn't feel the difference day by day, but overall and after time, my body was taking the damage. There was a lot I could no longer do.

Since I was two years old, my family had started me skiing, but as soon as I was diagnosed I could no longer go to high elevations or do anything of that sort. So initially ,that didn't really affect me too much. But as time went on and my siblings started skiing and my friends started skiing, I definitely felt like I was missing out.

Being connected to a central line and pump obviously had many drawbacks. Number one, it would fail if it got wet. Number two, I had to carry a backpack with the CADD pump in it at all times. This proved difficult when it came to do activities, mainly swimming. I would have to wear a dry suit. For me, that was just one of the biggest pains because swimming was always something that I had wanted to do and always had kind of a passion for. But as soon as I had to put on that dry suit, it just took the fun out of swimming for me.

That dry suit did its job perfectly, but on the few occasions I may have ripped it or something, but water did get in on a couple times, which caused the pump to fail or my Broviac to get wet. Which in many cases, which happened many times, I either had my pump fail, which meant me not getting my medicine, which resulted in the paramedics having to come and do whatever they do.

The worst situation with my central line, overall, was probably when my parents were having a dinner party and the kids were running up and down the house, just having a good time. All of a sudden, my dog took one misstep, stepped on my central line and ripped it right out of my chest, basically causing blood and Flolan to spray everywhere. So, my dad called the paramedics and fortunately they came in time and took me down to the hospital. My dog didn't even bark when about 10 first responders came in just of the shock. In thinking back, my parents had to always be at the ready, so to speak, in case something like this happened because even the smallest situation could turn into a big deal.

Despite many drawbacks, pulmonary hypertension came in handy once or twice during my life with it. Again, once or twice, not often. I would use it to skip a class or turn in an assignment late once in a while. But the biggest positive came from the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

My dream car has always been the Bugatti Veyron. And for those of you that don't know, it was at the time, the fastest car in the world at 267 miles per hour and had a price tag of over $1 million. So, I just loved everything about it. What Make-a-Wish did for me is they sent me to France, to the Bugatti facility in the Alsace region of France in a town called Molsheim. The special thing about this trip, is that it had never been done before, first of all. Bugatti generally only lets their customers on the grounds. So, it was a very one-off experience that I got to have. Yeah, I got to ride in it, which was fun.

Pulmonary hypertension is disease that progressively worsens over time. Like I was saying before, at the beginning of freshman year of high school, I started noticing that walking up a flight of stairs would leave me breathless, gasping for air. You can see in this picture, that my face is very red, number one, due to the constantly increasing doses of vasodilators that I was on. I was also turning a kind of blue color because of the lack of oxygen that I was getting. Basically, at the time I was the color of PH. This is the color of PH.

I dealt with the worsening disease for about two years before my doctors in Denver decided that something had to be done. But what to do was unclear. One option was to pick a transplant facility and go through the application process and then decide based upon that. The other option was to go to St. Louis, Missouri, where they had recently adopted a fairly new procedure in the U.S. called the Potts Shunt.

Essentially what this procedure is just a shunt that basically directs blue blood around your heart protecting it. After visiting various transplant teams, my family and I decided that the Potts Shunt surgery was the best option for me. I can say now that picking St. Louis was the best decision of my life.

During the summer of 2016, my parents took all three kids, both my siblings on a European trip for six weeks. We went to the U.K. and saw family. We relaxed on the Coat du Soir in the south of France and went to various art exhibitions in Italy. Little did I know at the time, though, that my parents had planned this trip out as it may have been our last together. This was the calm before the storm.

I went back to Colorado and then immediately my mom, my dad and I drove to St. Louis. Initially it went pretty smoothly. I had a quick but extremely painful recovery. The incision that my doctor, Dr. Eghtesady had made was called a thoracotomy. It was about a six-inch incision vertically up the left side of my back. In doing the incision there, he had to cut through tons of deep muscle, which just turned out to be extremely painful. So, I was on Oxycodone for months and months afterwards.

The following months after the surgery, unfortunately, proved to be as hard on my body as ever. On one day, October 27, 2016, my memory started fogging up. It was a strange experience, because I couldn't remember, for example, what had happened 20 seconds prior. It was all just a foggy day and it's hard to explain. After that day, I woke up and I felt horrible. I felt the sickest I had ever felt before. I called my dad home. He got home and we checked my oxygen stats and sure enough, they had dropped to an all-time low of 75%.

We quickly took the car down to Colorado Children's Hospital where my cardiologist, Dr. Ivy, unfortunately found out that the Potts Shunt had not worked properly. I was too late, basically. At that point, the only option that I had was to go back to St. Louis to have the double lung transplant.

Two months went by and it was departure day. I exchanged emotional goodbyes with my friends at school and then later with my brother, sister, and mom. Then, my dad and I got in the car and took off for St. Louis. I can remember sitting in the car, looking back at the sunset over the Colorado Rockies and thinking man, I really hope I see this place again.

For about the first month in St. Louis, I had just constant appointments. Once that was done and out of the way, we were just kind of sitting in my apartment for two months and I was bored out of my mind. I accepted it, as even the slightest activity would completely wipe me out. I ended up staying in my apartment, basically just watching Netflix or playing video games. Because at that point, I was living a miserable life, effectively in prison by a failing heart.

When your body is fighting to survive, then there's no energy for you to actually live life. Your mind loses hope and your survival instincts turn on. You lose your sense of empathy for others and focus your energy on staying alive. You start to eat less because your body is physically shutting down. You know that somebody has to die for you to have a chance to live, and frankly and morbidly you wished for that. It's a depressing thought, but it's frankly the truth.

After about two months, of waiting on January 17, 2017, I got the call, a new pair of lungs were on their way in. The day they called me into the hospital was a day I'll never forget, I was just sitting in my room in the apartment, my parents in the room across from me, and all of a sudden, I heard commotion in the other room. I thought, what's going on? It's like 12:00 at night. Then, all of a sudden, my parents came into my room with a video camera on saying that a pair of lungs had been found and that we had to be in the hospital by 2:00 AM.

I got super excited, obviously. I got dressed, I got my shoes on, I got ready to go. I went into my parents’ room and they were still in bed. I was like what are you doing? But they had thought, and rightfully so, that the next couple of days they would be getting no sleep, so they wanted to get a little bit more sleep before we finally went in.

We ended up making it out of the apartment by 2:30, and I thought we were beyond late, but it turns out we weren't really. When we entered the hospital, we found the cardiac floor and they told us to go up, where I was initially met by my first nurse, Alyssa, who put an IV in me and basically told us the same thing, just get some sleep because the next couple of days were going to be extremely long.

Then the morning of the 17th, doctors made their rounds. Basically preop was initiated from the moment I woke up. Various units of the hospital stopped by and then around 12:00 PM they wheeled me to the elevators where I handed off my glasses and gave my parents final hugs, not knowing if it would be the last. Then we went down. The anesthesiologist took me up to the sleepy drugs and that was it.

What happened during the next month and a half are virtually nonexistent. Well, they are nonexistent from my memory. This was due to obviously the many sedative medications that I was on, and I can only recall what my parents have recounted.

Although the lungs were perfect on arrival, I ended up being on the slab for about 17 hours, because the doctors couldn't stanch endless bleeding. During that time, two massive blood transfusion protocols had to be called in, which means it's 50% of your blood replaced over a period of four hours. Only when they could stop the bleeding, which turned out to be about five days later, could they close my chest up. That was really the first battle that I faced during that time.

Soon after this, I was put on ECMO and dialysis because my kidneys had failed. After that, I had pneumothoraxes, ICU delirium, strokes, a seizure. I had vagal nerve damage, which is just basically damage to [the] area around your throat. So, I was not able to talk for a while. I also had something called neuroleptic malignant syndrome, which is a reaction to a specific kind of antipsychotic drug, which basically shot my temperature up to 107 degrees. At 107 degrees, you're very close to melting your brain. And the doctor had actually comforted my mom by telling her that the brain only melts at 108. It was an intense 48 hours of ups and downs, constantly being refrigerated and unheated. Fortunately, I don't remember any of that.

Looking back, my life has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, never knowing when you're going to rise and never knowing when you're going to fall. When I was initially diagnosed, I didn't understand what my life was turning into. Over the years as I grew and gained maturity and awareness, I also lost a lot of hope for the future. I didn't know how long I would live, but that's just something that kind of grew a part of me and I still have that mindset to this day.

At end stage pulmonary hypertension, when my body was dying and my mind weakening, I never gave up. I just kind of accepted each day as it was. In the end, I made it through. The nurses provided miracles, the doctors provided miracles. My friends and family provided plentiful support. In the end, no one knows how long they will live for. So, my overall mindset changed through this process. I kind of asked myself why do I need to rush through life so quickly? I came to the answer -- you don't.

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

[unoeducationabroad-blog]

Day Six: Cameron Brown

Cameron Brown is a Cyber Security major. Next year, he will be his third year in college and he wanted to get some insight on the field from a different perspective and chose India to start with.

India was an extremely beneficial trip for me as I got to see the differences in the IT field, and communicate with individuals who have had great success in my career field. Today on May 12th, we visited the city of Jaipur in India and it was magnificent, and such a beautiful place. Jaipur is nicknamed the pink city as everything was painted pink and will always be as it is illegal to change the paint. The city actually looks orange at his point, as years of repainting has darkened the color of the city. Today, we visited shops where they make jewelry, and fabrics by hand. I found the individuals making jewelry interesting, as they showed us how they take the raw material and make it into a beautiful ring or necklace. It was also nice to hear that these people can make a decent living as skilled laborers without having a formal education. In the United States it’s tough to make a decent living without having an education. In some states, we actually have people with a formal education who are struggling to find work and provide for their families.

While in Jaipur, we saw and did a lot of things that were extremely interesting to me. One thing I want to reflect about was the animals that I had seen today and how some were clearly being treated inhumanely. After visiting the store where we could buy jewelry there was a camel outside sitting on the sidewalk waiting for it’s owner. After a closer look, we noticed that the camel had his nose pierced with some type of rod, and there was a rope placed in the hole to lead the animal. We learned the day before that this is painful for the animal, and they do this as a way to control the camel. It’s extremely sad to see, but I know these people are uneducated, and this has become a norm in his country over the years. This was not the case with all of the animals. While in Jaipur we also saw another camel which had a rope tied around his mouth and not going through it’s nose, which gave me the feeling that the owner cared more about the animal, and it was treated somewhat humanely. I also saw a few elephants walking through the streets of Jaipur that were decorated with beautiful colors. I’m not sure how these elephants were being treated but I have read that elephants have a pointy bone structure in their back and it can be uncomfortable for the animal when a human is on their back. Other than that, I couldn’t identity any abuse as I only got a short glimpse and there were no chains or ropes running through the body.

The last thing we did today was visit the village of  Chokhi Dhani. This is pretty much a little village that is celebrating some sort of Indian traditional fair. The village had different traditional dances, food, and animals rides. One thing that bothered me during this visit was the animals here were not being treated humanely by any means. There was camel, and elephant rides but the camels in the village had the holes in their muzzles and a rope tied through. There also was a camel that was branded on its neck. It is very hurtful to see these animals have to endure pain even if it’s for a short amount of time! I didn’t partake in the riding of any of the animals as I did not want to support that cause. We also went to have a traditional Rajastani dinner where we sat at these tiny wooden tables on the floor and eat the food with your hands. Everything was vegetarian and I was not a huge fan as I cannot handle spicy foods at all. Overall today was a really good day on this trip and I feel I learned a lot about the culture!

Cameron Brown