#my expertise and opinions actually lie out of here

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR EXPRESSING DOUBT *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

i'm not sure this will work out the way you think it will.

i can't believe i trusted you all this time.

i should have trusted my instincts from the start.

you really think that's going to make a difference?

you've been leading us to our death this whole time.

this is never going to work.

they've been lying to us this whole time.

this was a mistake. we never should have done this.

are you sure you know what you're doing?

can we just stop and think about this for a second?

lives are at risk here!

i'm having a hard time believing that.

so that was a bold-faced lie.

maybe we should rethink this.

heed my warning.

come back here and we'll figure out a better plan.

we knew this would happen.

if you just told me the truth from the start, this never would have happened.

this isn't real.

i don't actually think you know what you're doing.

this can't be happening.

we never should have come here.

you should have listened to me. i was right about this.

i told you we should have went the other way.

this will never work out.

you knew this whole time. you knew this would happen.

you should slow down. you're getting too far ahead of yourself.

maybe we should stop and think before we make another reckless choice and risk the lives of those around us.

we need to plan first.

tell me more about what's happening.

i'm a bit anxious about this.

is now a good time to tell you i'm afraid of heights?

i don't think that's a very good idea.

have you considered what could happen if we fail?

i'm not going in there, and you can't make me.

if you're so brave, why don't you go first?

you can't just expect me to take that at face value. i need to know more.

i have a feeling we're not coming out of this alive.

there were other ways to approach this. better ways, in my opinion.

did you ever stop and think about how this would affect the rest of us?

i doubt you're telling me the truth.

i really don't believe you.

do you expect me to trust you?

that's never going to work.

do you even care about what i have to say?

the last time i trusted someone... well, let's just say it didn't work out the way i hoped it would.

where did this come from?

who died and made you king?

i can't believe this is happening.

you said that the last time, and look where it got us.

they put their trust in you, and you squandered it.

you're talking out of your ass.

i warned you again and again and you still didn't listen.

maybe we should retrace our steps.

i'm not sticking around to find out what that was.

we've been going in circles this whole time.

if you're so smart, why don't you figure it out?

that's it? that's your big idea?

we're all gonna die.

that's a lie and you know it.

i can't believe you would do this to me.

i never doubted you. not for a second.

they believed in you, and now they're dead.

you were right to question this.

i'm glad you started digging into this.

we were doomed from the start.

see, this is why i have trust issues.

that doesn't look stable.

are you sure it's safe to walk on?

you think you can just walk in here and expect me to listen?

i have serious doubts about your expertise.

this... is a very bad idea.

you're going to get someone killed.

[roo-bastmoon]

With 17 versions to buy and 8 versions combined for 160 streams per Spotify account, plus Melon and FLO streams now counting, of course Jungkook’s Seven is charting high and sweeping awards. Firstly because it’s Jungkook of course, and secondly because it’s been given every possible advantage.

My (perhaps controversial) opinions about that are below the cut.

Honestly? I really can’t feel good about any “first” or “most” or “fastest” records achieved by this single—catchy as it is—which wasn’t written or conceived by Jungkook and has nothing much personal or deeply meaningful about it. It’s a fun feel-good summer pop song, for sure, but no more groundbreaking than, say, Bad Decisions (in my opinion… I have no musical expertise.)

But I can’t feel super great about all the records and awards because this many versions immediately restocked and shipped and auto play and promoted to radio and ads and leadership hyping only this while Jungkook says he wants to be the one and only artist to conquer kpop and pop for the next thousand years… it all just doesn’t really sit right with me.

When compared to the 10 months Jimin forewent sleep, food, and showers to have a hand in every aspect of his first (and deeply personal and symbolic) album, which was never sent to radio or restocked, got split tracks and delayed playlisting and shady articles, plus not one kudos or congratulations from leadership even after he made history for South Korea and stocks soared…

Forgive me, but it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It is ruining the song for me.

Some things like culled streams and sales are out of the company’s control. But the things I mentioned above were all possible for Jimin’s Hot 100 #1. Even if every Tannie has total say in their projects' sales and marketing, and everyone was on board with only Jungkook getting the Hybe America "red carpet" treatment, I can’t lie and say the stark difference feels fine. It doesn't, and I confess I leave the headphones in every time Seven comes up in the playlists now.

I’m not jealous. If anything, I have a warped sense of pride that Jimin has done so fantastically well despite so many, many obstacles stacked against him. I love to champion an underdog and I’m glad I never need to doubt his success was organic. I actually feel extra admiration for how humble and hardworking he continues to be—no resting on any laurels for the It Boy. I'm so glad he is my ult-bias.

*sigh*

Listen to me.

I know Jungkook and Jimin are both genuinely good people. I know they are sincerely talented and hard working. I know they truly love each other. I know all members are legitimately happy for each others' success.

I know what’s important to me may not be important to them, nor what they want for their careers. And even if I feel their company’s making shitty decisions, I know my place as a fan.

So I trust them. And I simply hang in. I hope lessons were learned for smoother, fairer future releases. Because neglecting assets makes zero business sense, and perceived favoritism can erode the group’s bonds and tear ARMY apart. It is, frankly, just plain stupid.

So I may dislike things about their solo era rollouts and I can't bring myself to sugar-coat it; but I mostly try to keep my negative thoughts to myself and find things I CAN celebrate with other fans on an open timeline.

I never want another Tannie to feel anguished and misunderstood the way Hobi did about JitB’s physicals.

Watching Jungkook’s face here on his London live when he talks about people hating him just haunts me. It guts me. I can't stand it. That kid was going through it and I don't believe he has a malicious bone in his body, so it just really upsets me seeing him like that.

There’s so, so much about this company, this industry, this culture that I just don’t understand. But I trust Park Jimin completely. As long as Park Jimin loves and supports his members, God knows, I will too.

So!! On that note...

We have Jungkook’s birthday to celebrate next week and Taehyung’s album to support the week after that. I’m going to do my best to rest up and gather some good energy for these things!

And of course, we must congratulate our Jimin, who made history again today, and no matter what, will always set the standard. I just know he's cooking up something else for us with all these weeks of silence, and I cannot wait to go BERSERK for it whenever it drops.

I’m not really sure I had a point to this post. It’s just that I have been mulling all this over for a long time, and finally felt well enough to sit up long enough to come online and type up my thoughts.

I guess what I mostly wanted to share with my friends here is that it’s okay to feel really disappointed and even enraged at the way some things play out over the (hopefully life-long) careers of BTS members. Don't let folks gaslight you. Call it like you see it. (Maybe keep sensitive things behind a cut or in the DMs--and of course, please change your mind if you get better insight. In the end, only the Tannies really know what's going on with the Tannies.)

But while I’m still side-eyeing the company so hard right now, I’ve decided to love and support the boys as people and artists. I'm trying to believe the best in everyone. I’m still an OT7 Jikooker.

You don’t have to agree with me, and if you need to unfollow, I understand. But I figured I should just tell you guys (especially the new followers) where I am at with all this.

Love, Roo

[iraqueer]

you know what I really believe that one of the reasons that people's opinions on the Israel palestine conflict is more pro palestine than ever is thanks to the low barriers of entry to information on the subject.

we all shit talk the internet for being rife with misinformation. the way the internet keeps us trapped in our own echo chambers and how algorithms just lead to confirmation bias(where we see on our fyps or our timelines or our google search resulta things that the algorithms think we want to see and so we keep seeing only that telling the algorithm to continue boosting that stuff).

and all that is true! but before you'd hear about Israel and palestine conflict and it would be a week on the news and that's it and you'd hear it's complicated by experts and that both parties feel strongly. and the psychological trick of that is that you end up feeling

this is complicated and requires expertise and nuance to discuss otherwise you'll offend someone. better trust what the experts on the news or what our government says

I'm not either of these parties and so if I open my uninformed mouth I could do more harm than good. and I don't want that better trust the story on the news

if I'm critical of israel I'm antisemitic and I'm a good nice person I don't want to be antisemitic

which israel is banking on people doing! and it's worked for so long it nearly worked now but several things happend here that made things different.

social media gives lowers the barrier of entry for dissemination of information. everyone has a phone and can show you wants happening

if you want to read up on the conflict you just need to look it up on your phone. no library card no nothing. and you can look at both sides of the story and judge for yourself. you aren't reliant on the president or mainstream news to pick and choose the sides of the story

now these things on their own aren't enough. in 2018 to 2019 where you had social media you had the internet people weren't looking up palestine israel conflict. why not? what changed? what's different?

in 2018 you had the great March of independence where every Friday people in Gaza would peacefully March to the walls and protest. and they would get shot at! civilians! and they come back next Friday every Friday for a year.

you probably hadn't heard of this. or of you had you heard about it recently while learning about the conflict after Oct. 7

and that's the thing that's different and that leads me to the most important point.

on October 7 hamas attacked and killed an unprecedented number of Israelis. and the usual tactic of the Israel/American media machine of telling you this is too complex and hoping you check out and don't bother researching didn't work.

why? well usually when israel airstikes gaza the media covers it for a day or two. one week max. and then you forget and we move on to the next breaking news and israel gets to continue bombing invading occupying unobserved and unobstructed. this time the media stayed on the story and at first most people where leaning pro israel. that's what the president and the celebrities and the reporters on the ground are saying. but because it stayed in the news long enough. because you'd open Instagram or tiktok and see the horrifying images coming out of gaza it planted a seed of doubt. and that lead people to look up the history and learn

israel is the agressor

the issue is not complicated its actually quite simple. you are not bad for taking a side and you can follow your gut instinct of genocide=bad

Israel lies all the time and they got caught in several lies in record time (their shireen abu akleh lie took months to be disproved)

Israel brags about the atrocities it commits and then fucking tweets it. they say in interviews Palestinians are animals.

like I've seen pro palestine protests and they've never had this many people. this much solidarity this much strength. they've never gone on for this long there's never been this much diversity.

colonial powers never last. they inevitably die off and we're going to witness the end of this one

[sabakos]

🔥

First off, my own personal bias on textual criticism is that I think basically every single text that circulated privately prior to widespread publication was subject to a large degree of accretion and redaction during that time period, which only ever stops in the case of widespread transmission. And I think that this should be the default assumption until proven otherwise. This has been shown fairly conclusively with the Torah and a few other works of religious importance, but I think it's underexamined for secularized works like the Iliad and Odyssey, although that itself has shifted in the past few decades with a greater number of scholars appreciating the polyphony inherent in these works to the point where the Homeric Question is a bit passé and even the "Hesiodic question" starts to look like it's going to give way to multiple authorship before even being considered.

But the truly spicy take here is that I think the idea that Plato and Aristotle wrote most of the content in the works attributed to them is probably also a minority opinion among critical scholars with expertise and ability to evaluate such matters, but that few of them want to say anything definitive, even though many of them regularly hint such things. They do this because if a work wasn't entirely written by the famous genius person, but instead accreted material over centuries, that will make funding agencies stop paying anyone money to study them, and those works that are "dubia" will then start being left out of published editions and translations. John Cooper already had to fight tooth and nail to get the entire Thrasyllan Canon into the Hackett edition of Plato's Complete Works. Which is because funding agencies are philistines, it doesn't matter what percentage of the Timaeus one specific Athenian asshole wrote, what matters is it was the most important

So effectively I believe there's an omerta, a "noble lie" if you will, among classical scholars trained in philology not to do any textual criticism on Plato or Aristotle anymore like they used to a century ago. Instead they're content to let the less informed "literary" critics (who can't even read Greek well) fight over the authenticity of already decanonized works like First Alcibiades and Rival Lovers on the basis of supposed "Platonic" doctrine or "stylometric" differences. And meanwhile the actual experts know there's a good chance Plato didn't write even half of the Republic.

[riddlerosehearts]

time for more long-winded bg3 playthrough thoughts! this time with some musings on my tav elenion's backstory/characterization and his irrationally intense hatred of volo. i'm sure this really only matters to me, but: if something i say about elenion's backstory or personality in this post contradicts what i said in the first post where i talked about them, then whatever i'm saying now is what's correct. i didn't have very many fully formed ideas about them when i first started the game so i've been thinking a lot about them and deciding things as i've been going along.

i got spoiled on a lot of stuff about the companions but i know fuck all about the actual plot of this game outside that--like, before i started i honestly didn't even know the most basic plot element of your party coming together because you all have literal brainworms. so this stuff about true souls and cultists is just wild to me.

halsin makes it sound like you have to go through either the underdark or the mountain pass, but i really wanna explore both and i've heard that it is possible to do so in one playthrough. if i can think of how to justify that from a roleplay perspective then i might do it.

oh yeah, i guess we have volo in our camp since we saved him from the goblins. elenion really does not like him! they generally try not to show it when they interact with him, but they were having too much trouble hiding it here:

like, the dude just claimed to be an expert on mind flayers because he knows that they have tentacles. sure, and i'm an expert on cats because i know they have whiskers. and after this he offered to give them eye surgery with an ice pick when there is no way he has the qualifications to do that. get out of here with that lmao. i like volo because i think he's funny, though.

but that's not the main reason elenion dislikes volo. they dislike him because his work is filled with falsehoods and exaggerations and in their opinion he's just a liar who fancies himself a bard. not that elenion thinks there's anything wrong with writing fiction--he himself enjoys folklore and legends--but he's more of a historian and he thinks it's wrong to mess with actual events and blur the lines between fact and fiction the way volo obviously does. it's also wrong to brag about accomplishments and expertise that you do not actually have, especially when you're trying to claim you can get rid of mind flayer parasites. so yeah, volo makes elenion irrationally angry and they're probably ranting to gale or wyll about him after every interaction they have. there's a one-sided rivalry between them going on in his head.

the only good thing that volo could do for elenion would've been to sell them a lyre. but alas, this fool only has flutes and hand drums. what is he even in our camp for? 😔

(i still bought the flute and the hand drums just to try them out anyway. and if you play an instrument in camp while volo is around he starts whistling along, so i guess that's what he's good for!)

anyway, enough about elenion's hatred of volo! was not expecting gale to kneel down in front of them and had them put their hand over his heart the day after he told them his condition was too volatile for him to be with them. and then nobody acknowledges the absolutely insane connotations of doing that. okay.

and then he reveals a ton of other incredibly insane things! i've gotten shadowheart to give me a lot of info about her backstory as well. but unfortunately i already knew about a lot of both their stories because i let myself get spoiled lol. i thought i wouldn't get around to playing this game for months or even years (and would probably forget about most spoilers i'd heard by then) so i let my friend talk to me about whatever and didn't blacklist anything. i'm still enjoying actually seeing how everything plays out, though!

the fact that i waited as long as i did to go out and progress karlach's personal quest just makes the lie that "yesterday she butchered an entire family" hilarious to me, sorry. like she literally spent the entire day yesterday hanging out with the tiefling refugees from the grove. i know because i was there. also, i'm going to need to look up how this quest goes if you actually bring karlach along because i'm guessing you'd get pretty different dialogue... and i did not think of it until after i was already mid-battle, whoops.

WOW way to perfectly hit elenion with his worst insecurities. like, he has actual backstory reasons to really hate being called all 3 of these things 😭 and then she basically reads him like a book despite him trying so hard to hide all that. this is why he doesn't like her.

it uh, worked out though, i guess! she explained that she was wrong about him and i was so tempted to pick the option to call her a prickly grouch (not because i dislike lae'zel or even because i think my tav would say that out loud, but because it's hilarious). but i did not pick that. instead i had him ask if she was coming onto him and honestly i'm kind of shocked that she is?! i really did not think my approval with her was very high and also... he kind of already turned her down at the tiefling party?? and she said both here and at the tiefling party that she wanted to taste him and that rejecting her was his loss?? seems kind of redundant to get such similar dialogue twice tbh but i guess maybe the game is giving you another chance to be really sure you don't wanna romance lae'zel. that or the dialogue is glitched.

okay, because of this i checked my approval with everyone and somehow it's literally still only on medium with shadowheart but high with lae'zel. that feels backwards to me based on our previous interactions and the types of actions they each approve of so i'm genuinely not sure how that happened? oh well lol.

i don't think i like how the saving mayrina quest plays out... i won't go on too much about it but unless i missed something, my only options to complete the quest were to use a wand from ethel's workshop to resurrect her husband, which seems extremely stupid considering everything we just saw that made it way beyond obvious that messing with magic from a hag is going to be a bad idea--or to snap the wand in half right in front of her, which seems pointlessly cruel. i even used speak with dead on ethel's corpse to find out that she was actually going to eat the baby and i have no option to tell mayrina about that, or to just end the quest by comforting her without telling her about the wand. so idk. maybe choosing to bring her husband back will lead to something cool later on??

AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER MAYRINA LEFT I HEARD MY TAV SAY "PERHAPS USING ETHEL'S WAND WASN'T THE BEST IDEA". ALSFDSFJG. NO SHIT. sorry lmao, but i did think that was a really cool and interesting quest for the most part.

anyway--i'm going to go to the mountain pass, even though i've heard people say that's the harder path, because it just makes more sense from a roleplay perspective to me? like i've currently been rejecting nearly every lead on a cure because all of these offers of help are coming from absolutely insane people like volo and auntie ethel and priestess gut. but the githyanki actually know shit about mindflayers and lae'zel seems trustworthy. and if i want to go through it and then double back to the underdark i can say that we were planning to check out the creche based on lae'zel's advice before going and doing what halsin said to do. or if the mountain pass is really too hard i can just ignore the roleplay in this one situation because it's not a real d&d campaign lol.

[brassikarts]

🔥🔥🔥 -Fel- Magic Use

That’s my boy!

- First off, fel magic is the magic of entropy - hell yeah.  But isn’t fel magic in particular supposed to be massively addicting?  Admittedly, I don’t read closely into the mechanics of every warlock RPer (even though I’ve had some fun reading about @alyssa-ward‘s take on things), but I’d think there would be a whole lot more played up about how screwed up on fel juice you get playing with the essence of peoples’ life forces, how psychologically devastating using this kind of magic can be*, and how the Kirin Tor or other magical societies try to limit this kind of power.

* Really, though - if you grew up around The Light, the knowledge of what you’re doing when you Life Tap someone probably really screws up a novice warlock at first.  I’d like to see more descents into madness from people who go this route, and fewer moustache-twirling Snidely Whiplash types.

Maybe this is a sign that I either need to play a warlock (*cries*) or follow more warlock RPers closely.

- Here, I’ll be honest: I get so confused about the lore here, as Blizzard tells it, and my headcanons are probably way wrong, too.  I seem to recall that fel runes are a thing and can be tampered with, and so I’ve run with that and the idea that practiced and disciplined mages may come across them at some point, and don’t use them (or use them very sparingly and only when specific effects are required).  This says to me that some warlocks aren’t born bad - they fall into it, from mages into switching to a darker kind of magic.  

This is awesome, though!  If magic is already supposed to be addicting, and using fel runes to make your spells badass leads to using them more and seeking out more forbidden knowledge to satisfy those urges - I dunno.  I think that’s cooler than waking up one day and like, deciding you’re gonna be a bad boi from now on.

- This is selfish, but I want to see more demon RPers.  I also want to see the symbioses that must come about as warlocks and patrons/servants work more closely together.  (Also, there are enough sexy demons out there.  Someone be a satyr or an imp!)

@nixalegos

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, #136

Yet again we have had an episode covering a remarkably short span of time - perhaps our shortest yet, as honestly this might have covered under an hour, in-world. So once again I cannot really vamp about what most of the NPC wizards are doing, because honestly I am pretty sure Eadwulf might have just been doing push-ups the entire span of this episode. So our eyes turn, pun intended, to the man of the hour, the drow trapped on an emotional rollercoaster only partially of his own making, Shadowhand Essek Thelyss, and pretty much everyone else can wait. Probably for a couple of weeks since I suspect next week will similarly not cover much time.

As a reminder, Caleb Widogast is a PC, not an NPC, and is also, currently, a sheep.

Currently sidelined: Allura, Pumat, Trönt, Astrid, Eadwulf, Ludinus, Oremid, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk (this is still funny to me and I have learned that the audience one must cater to is always one's self), and the body of Vess Derogna which to be perfectly honest was probably unceremoniously dumped somewhere in Aeor, which is going to make this either way more awkward, or way less. That said the Mighty Nein's next task is "deal with Ikithon" so it's not like they're going to avoid murdering Assembly members.

Essek Thelyss: I observed that there were four major themes among the tags in my activity from this past episode:

I want to punch Lucien so much

I want the wizards to kiss so much

ha! tiny Veth on a sheep! the water elemental has titties!

In my opinion there is too much going on

These are all very correct opinions to hold and Essek is currently, if I may understate the situation, experiencing the last one. And also probably some variation of the first two. Probably not the third.

Within this one hour, at most, span, which I should note immediately follows his discovery that the Aeorians were excellent at dunamancy and did not appear to give a shit about the Luxon in the bargain, he has learned that Caleb and Beau have some abilities based on those eyes; that the cranky immortal weasel that sits on Jester's shoulder is actually her shapeshifted archfey god; that time travel specifically tailored to do the exact thing he wants to do is not only real but also seems to require the combination of his own expertise and the expertise of his potential love interest who also wants time travel for the same reasons; that Jester is fully aware of his flirting, thinks it's great, and got an answer from Caleb that he (Essek) is not privy too specifically thanks to eyeball powers; and that there are still a whole bunch of monsters after them although they might have all killed each other. He has taken 36 points of psychic damage, has been carried by a flying Caduceus, has been grappled by a water elemental, is probably sopping wet, and now he is in the Astral Sea and what's more he's probably going to be at the front of the pack, because he is a high-level wizard and Caleb is a sheep with intelligence 2 for the moment, unless Tiny Veth decides to bonus action dash*.

This is a lot, and I think the sheer nonstop nature of all of this has punched through the cheerful nihilism I predicted last week, and I am fairly sure the main thing getting him through this is that first, tis a far far better thing, better than he has ever done; and also he was right about the Luxon.

Conclusion: 9/10. I was going to say this is just a countdown to when Essek can finally scream into Caleb's shoulder for an unspecified amount of time but actually Essek seems like the kind of person to lie face down on the floor, also for an unspecified amount of time. Either way it is going to be well-earned.

Yussa Errenis: Again, I find it enjoyable to think that a tiny part of Yussa that cannot communicate meaningfully with Jester's sending or do anything really does still exist within the insanity, watching from the inside and psychically face-palming, which is rich coming from Mr. What does THIS button do. Anyway I hope a tiny surge of hope has arrived, as the party finally enters the astral plane and can hopefully do something.

Conclusion: I already made my Cantorian infinity joke very early on and while I can't vamp about the Dwendalian wizards I can about that, namely, did anyone else read the Number Devil? I think it was originally written in German but I read the English translated edition, and it was about like, basic number theory, geared towards kids, and honestly it was great. Anyway my point here is that there's a chapter towards the end where they go to Number Heaven, where the Number Devils live (the cosmology of the dreamscape in which the Number Devil resides is not really made clear) and they meet Georg Cantor, and he is very strange in a "I thought about infinity WAY too much" way, and now I am imagining the Somnovem as being kind of like Georg Cantor in a children's book from the 1990s about math. Anyway. Yussa is still off the charts but maybe we're a little closer to rescuing him.

*because this is the internet and some people are insufferable I am acknowledging here for posterity both that out-of-combat Astral Plane movement per the DMG p. 17 is not strictly subject to the walking speed = 3 x INT score, and that Beau could also bonus action dash if she wanted to use her limited ki points in the worst possible way, but I am trying to make a very sophisticated joke here, namely hahaha wizard smart sheep stupid Veth tiny.

[ecto-american]

Hey I wanted to fuck around and ramble about how I specifically headcanon and like to portray Jack and Maddie career-wise for my fanfics/personal take on the DP canon.

So to start; I headcanon Maddie as having a masters in electrical engineering and Jack as having a PhD in Thanatology (the scientific study of death and the practices associated with it), though he has a bachelor's degree in mortuary science while also having a funeral director’s license.

Why these? Because I absolutely see Maddie as the builder and thinker, the one who can build things, and Jack as the theorist who knows everything there is to know about ghosts. I picked Thanatology because it was as close as I could find to studying ghosts in an actual applied scientific sense, but I liked the mortuary science because it felt like a good accompaniment. I originally had mortuary sciences as his PhD (if you’ve heard me talk about this before), but I found out that I was actually a big dumb because in the US, you cannot get a PhD in mortuary sciences ihsofsa so I did research for an alternative.

So how do their jobs work? Well, I think it's approached in a very academic-y sense. While I kind of play with it loosely based on the specific fanfiction, I generally say that their job is a sorta combination of any number of the following:

Research grants to study ghosts, from both the government and just private companies

Writing books/textbooks revolved around ghosts (like ectobiology, ghost hunting, etc)

Contract ghost hunting work (like being paid to get rid of ghosts from private residents/buildings)

Income from ghost invention patents (think their Fenton weapons and things like the Fenton thermos)

They do non-ghost research and inventing as well (since they seem to custom build their own computers and other various technologies, and even just things like the Specter Speeder can be marketed to a non-ghost hunting audience like the military, and Jazz implied in GNO that Maddie has a lot of inventions outside of Jack that she works on)

Paid to teach/give lectures or make appearances at seminars, conventions or speak at certain events

Since Jack in this is licensed funeral director, he also occasionally works with a funeral home, and sometimes I even headcanon that Jack and Maddie used to own a funeral home before they got the grant/funding to build their ghost portal (which I touch on a little later!)

Jack teaches part time at a local community college/university, teaching normally one or two classes here but sometimes more, and sometimes even as Casper High teaching ghost 101 safety

Maddie is also a licensed electrician that does occasional work related to that

And this is kind of where you may be asking: wait, aren't they kind of a joke? Why are you giving them all this credit?

Well, honestly, I really like to think of the Fentons as being actually fairly well respected academically and by fellow ghost hunters. There's a lot of scientists that you'll basically learn are real Weirdos, but that doesn't distract from the fact that they are incredibly smart people who made amazing breakthroughs.

To me, I headcanon Jack as being autistic, and that ghosts and the paranormal is a special interest in which he's actually an incredibly well respected scientist, who has the most accurate (as far as the paranormal studies scientific community knows) information and knowledge about ghosts. He's been writing and studying it for twenty years, and arguably, essentially proved that ghosts exists because of his ghost portal and living in Amity Park, where ghost activity boomed. While there's canon evidence dedicated to him being made fun of in Million Dollar Ghost, I personally like to think of this as more of other ghost hunters just kind of seeing how Awkward and ridiculous he can be socially. We also hear about Danny and Jazz dunking on them, but I think this comes more from two teenagers being embarrassed about their oddball parents.

I definitely picture the Fentons as still being the town weirdos because well. You see their oddballness every day. But most ectobiologists would only see Jack when he's presenting and read his work, where I imagine he's presented as a bit less goofy and more serious. Because it's a chance for him to essentially ramble on about his special interest and area of expertise without interruption to an incredibly eager audience that's going to be asking questions and wanting his opinions. To me, Jack definitely seems like the person who you don't really think about how odd he kinda is (purely because of masking and it just not really coming up) until you're really with him 1v1 outside of these of these conventions/lectures/classroom environments.

I don’t totally see Maddie teaching, because while I’m definitely picturing her here as being a very smart mind that would likely also be a good teacher; the specific reasoning why I say Jack would be the ones that does the teaching part time is because it’s literally perfect for him. It's an excuse for him to trap 25+ people in a room on a regular basis to listen to him about ghosts. He'd absolutely just one of those easy A teachers, where if you just show up and listen to him babble about ghosts for 1-3 hours and turn in the homework (he gives no tests, midterm/finals or quizzes), you get your easy A. It’s the similar concept with the seminars and guest lecture things; Jack is just much more enthusiastic and would want that solo speaking time, and Maddie knows how much it means to him, so I feel like she would let him have this.

Maddie herself, I feel liker her heart rests more in just the general inventing and building side of it. While she has an interest in ghosts, this also seems to mostly enjoy the physical side of inventing. I say this mostly because, again, in GNO, Maddie has a whole bunch of inventions that she’s working on outside of things she builds/helps Jack build. To me, this straight up personal invention projects, even though they’re still ghost based, tells me that her heart and passion seems to lie within engineering and not necessarily too much in the way of ghost theory.

The way his and Maddie's relationship works to me is that Jack knows more of the ghost related information and he relays this to Maddie for her to build what they need. For example, he'll tell her “this is what the Ghost Zone is like, these are the dangers, this is what we need to survive, etc” and Maddie will have the knowledge to design the Specter Speeder, and they build it together with Maddie being the primary leader and troubleshooter.

However, Maddie has the education and license to do the electrical work and knows how to properly build and submit the patents. Meanwhile, Jack will eventually do all the research and write and publish the book detailing what they learned about the Ghost Zone. Repeat the process with ghost weapons and other such inventions.

I like to think that Jack and Maddie were essentially going through the process of getting the huge government grant they'd need to build the actual ghost portal, which took a lot of prior research, convincing, pleas for money and getting the city permission and code permits to get the money and permission building it, hence the like 20 year gap between the prototype portal and the final portal. Especially since they obviously started a family during that time too.

[deniigi]

Blame @petrichordiam for this.

-------------

Title: centerstage

Summary: An academic goes to a conference and is jazzed to see a jedi speak there. He unknowingly sits next to this jedi’s Support Squad.

The jedi Support Squad is like 85% clones, and 15% Jedi Generals.

No one mentions that the jedi speaking has never done this before and is petrified out of his blessed little mind.

*Anakin is like 19-20ish here.

-------------

Sion Jissard has spent the last ten years of his life in the dredges of archives, digging through documents and testing fibers found between the flimsy, papery pages of old texts—scrounging for clues to recreate the conditions of the great conference halls and small, tucked away offices in which some of the most powerful people in the galaxy once gathered to whisper and shout over the fate of whole planets.

He has a hypothesis that the conditions in those rooms affected the decisions made in them. His hypothesis is strong enough that it has endured several rounds of peer-review and escaped those vulture-like clutches mostly unscathed in published form—both in journal and, his chest swells to recall, in book formats.

His book has sold several hundred copies and been cited in a plethora of upcoming article submissions.

The last eight years of tension in his marriage has eased in light of this. The salary from the professorship obtained in light of the book certainly hasn’t hurt it either.

His two doctorates are set on the wall of his office and when he receives word that a conference on ‘Intergalactic Unionism and Peace Negotiation’ is to be held in two months time, he opens up the speakers list and raises his head to gaze upon those two solid frames.

There will be jedi speakers at the conference. Several, actually. The whole thing is to be held on Coruscant, in the small visitors’ wing of the Jedi temple itself.

Sion Jissard pinches the fabric of his suit and then lightly slaps at his cheek to make sure that he is not dreaming.

He has only recently begun studying the jedi order’s material world and the role that world plays in their intergalactic peace-making practices. Prior to this, he considered the subject too on-the-nose. Jedi studies are rampant. Everyone wants a piece of that pie—the allure of it being that the jedi themselves, scholars in their own rights, refuse to partake in examinations of their culture.

They are notoriously obstinate. Their grandmasters refuse to let outsiders into their archives. Their masters shut down any and all attempts to obtain interviews or transcripts or documents with empty expressions or gentle, pitying smiles. Their knights blink with confusion at personal and personal-adjacent questions, and the little ones, the apprentices, are shielded behind all of these people as though the elbow-padded questioners are threatening their precious little lives.

In short, the jedi are happy to listen but loathe to teach. If you are not one of their soldiers or one of their fellows, they will lie to your face and tell you that it is their religion to do so.

And yet here they are, offering up a scholar’s wetdream and even allowing a handful of their own to present on their areas of expertise.

Sion Jissard will pass up this opportunity only upon pain of death.

He applies for the conference as a participant, not a speaker, and is delighted to receive confirmation of his place within mere minutes.

He puts the date on his calendar and starts looking into transit to Coruscant for the event in two months time.

--

 Sion arrives on Coruscant, at the foot of the Jedi Temple itself, and stares up at it for so long that he begins to feel sick to the gills.

He fumbles for his confirmation at the little table set up in the interior courtyard behind a side-entrance door. He is distracted by the fact that the woman he is standing in front of is a Jedi. She is helped by two small children and holds a baby who is dead-set on unraveling the knots that decorate her thick waist band. Even the baby is dressed in double-collared cream-colored robes.

Sion has so many questions he wants to ask.

The jedi asks him for his name. She has a collection of name badges before her, but none of them are his. He gives his name and the master turns to the little girl sat at her right elbow with a brush in hand and instructs her to write it out.

The jedi child—not an apprentice, her robes are cream still, there are no additional earth-colors layered on top of it—writes Sion’s name in beautiful script on a little card and hands the card to the master, who puts it in a holder with a pin on it and places it into Sion’s hand.

She instructs him to go through the side door and enjoy some refreshments before the event begins. The baby in her lap looks up at her abruptly and bonks his sweet little head against her chin.

Sion forgets himself.

“How old?” he asks automatically, gesturing to the baby.

The master looks down into her lap.

“He is eight months and 75% lung,” she says affectionately.

“Ah. Mine was like that, too,” Sion says. “He grew out of it. He’s only 40% lung now.”

The master smiles.

Sion removes himself from her table before he embarrasses himself further.

--

 There are enough people inside the front room of the jedi’s visitor’s wing to nearly fill it to capacity. The volume, though everyone is whispering, is great enough to be heard from outside the door. The room itself is earth-colored with a high ceiling. Its walls all contain niches with rounded borders. Columns with deep-cut creases in them arch high to the skylights.

It is all beautifully geometric, stoic, and clean. And even though the walls and floor are built from materials of warm tones, the skylights overhead and the surrounding addtion of books and holorecords set into the walls lend it a cooling quality.

What should have been imposing architectural feels more like holy space. The room is one that reverberates with reminders to respect all around you.

Sion’s fingers yearn to document this, but there is a sign right by the room’s entrance that asks politely for no recordings or holographs to be taken.  

“Professor Jissard,” a familiar voice says.

Sion feels his whole body droop. He turns to see Teo Detras stood before him in his obnoxious, roaring red robes.

“I’m pleased that you too were able to secure an invitation, sir,” Teo says as though he has not attempted to place Sion on the metaphysical chopping block for each of his premises since the time they began their academic programs.

Sion opens his mouth to point out that this is also his area of study and that Teo has no monopoly on the field of Jedi architecture when a quiet passes over the room. Sion watches the heads around him lift and searches for the source of the sudden shudder of silence.

He finds it in a tall master with dark skin standing at the very front of the space. The man has tucked his hands neatly into the mouths of his sleeves.

He is Jedi Master and General Mace Windu. Sion has read and reread his essays, not caring so much for what he is talking about but how he is talking about it. His metaphors and examples should have been insight into the common experiences of those living in the Jedi temple.

Sion has found, however, that Jedi Master Mace Windu does not especially care for eloquence or metaphor. He cares only to methodically destroy the argument (if it could be called that) published by a jedi named Qui-Gon Jinn many years ago. Though Master Jinn has not published for several decades now, Master Windu’s writings remain agitated by his interpretations of the jedi’s Spiritual energy, the Force.

Just gazing upon the man now, Sion would not think him capable of agitation.

Master Windu welcomes the academics to the temple and says that he regrets not having more time to speak with each of the attendees as individuals, but there is a war on and his clone troopers require his services. He encourages people to refrain from any recordings of the temple due to its sacred nature, and he asks that attendees be mindful of the jedi Initiates (the white-robed children) who are confused and intrigued by all of the non-jedi people inhabiting their usual playroom.

He cautions everyone that if anyone slips on a toy, he warned them, and the temple is not liable for their medical bills.

This is a joke.

People are unsure of whether or not to laugh. Some laugh awkwardly far too late. Master Windu gives no sign on his face that he appreciates or disapproves of this.

Instead, he steps from his space of honor and leaves in his place a young man with feathery blonde hair and a highly expressive countenance, who drops his armload of documents on the floor obnoxiously and flings himself down to snatch up only the conference program, as if this was the most efficient way of finding it.

People know to laugh this time.

The young man begins announcing panel topics and rooms and give his strong opinions on each of them.

More people laugh. It feels less like a sin.

“And that’s all, my dears and darlings,” the young man says, “Mind your step into the conference rooms, our predecessors derived joy from an unexpected drop.”

--

 Sion has only one panel that he will kill at minimum three bodies to sit in on. It is the one on peace strategy and resource management. He is not here for the peace strategy or the resource management parts of the talk; his burning interest yearns instead in listening to how and if people talk about their space and things. He wants to write down the language they use. He wants to learn about the physicality of peace.

He thinks ‘The Physicality of Peace’ would make a very compelling title for another book.

So he slips through the arched doors of conference room 3 and finds himself in a tiered lecture theatre. There is a small balcony with rows of pew-like benches that hangs over a lower seating area. He takes a seat at the edge of the front pew and sets his datapad on his lap for note-taking. At the front of the room there is a long bench—not a quite table, but definitely a tall bench, and behind it, there is an enormous screen for displaying images and information. Someone has very kindly thought to place a jug of water and some cups at the center of the bench by a microphone.

Sion gets the impression from its awkward, dead-center placement that it is an addition that the jedi themselves usually forego.

He wonders what that means. He only wonders for about 15 seconds before a hand touches his shoulder and he jerks in alarm.

“My apologies, sir. We were just wondering if the space next to you is available?” says the smooth-faced, copper-haired man standing above him.

He is wearing white armor on top of his layered robes. The arms and legs that emerge from his long off-white tunic are dark in color, but his boots are hard and white and come up and over his kneecaps.

Sion is speechless.

This is General and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.

General and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi has touched Sion’s shoulder and apologized to him.

He doesn’t have words. He can only make fish-mouthed motions and then point and nod.

General Kenobi accepts this with grace and stands up straight. He waves behind him to call his companions over to join him on the balcony’s edge.

They arrive as a pack.

Instead of coming around and staggering past Sion’s knees at the edge of the bench, General Kenobi climbs over its back and settles in. He then twists back over the row and holds his hands out; a Clone Trooper in full armor hands to him a strange bundle of woolen, brown robe. It produces legs and arms and then bright blue and white lekku once Kenobi has situated it next to him.

“Fooled ‘em,” the little Togruta that emerges from the cloth says brightly.

“Shh,” Kenobi says. “Cody, you next.”

“No, I want Rex to sit with me.”

“Ahsoka, shhh.”

“Rex.”

“Child, this is how people like me get banned from meetings; you’re not even supposed to see—”

“REX.”

“HUSH. Okay, okay. Rex. Pst. Cody, get Rex. Cody, oh for the love of—Wolffe, yes—no. Wolffe, look at me. Get Cody to get Rex.”

Sion cannot believe what he is seeing. General Kenobi appears to be sneaking half of his command into the balcony area. There are more than a few clone troopers there are at least twenty. They are somehow visibly excited despite their matching helmets. The General is able to tell them apart easily. He leans over the back of the bench again and crooks his finger at one of the troopers who leans forward. He tells them to throw something at their commander.

The Clone takes off his glove, stands, and nail a clone standing in the aisle in the head with it. The slap of contact makes this clone cease speaking in serious low tones with a clone decorated with blue edging in front of him. The first clone draws himself up perfectly straight and turns around with a fury that even Sion can feel the heat of.

His armor is painted yellow in places.

He holds the glove in his hand like a threat. The clone who threw it winces and points wordlessly to General Kenobi, then sits down in a hurry. Kenobi smiles wide and white. He has freckles on his face that do not appear on any of the images of him that appear on the news.

He’s also shorter than Sion himself, even sitting.

“Sir,” the white and yellow clone says stiffly.

“Rex,” Kenobi says through that threat of a smile. “Get over here.”

The Togruta child twists around excitedly as the clone in white and blue exits the conversation with the one in white and yellow and surveys the rows of his fellows piled into the space behind the General and the child. He has to squeeze past the line of knees and then climb over the bench to sit down next to the child, who immediately cuddles up to him.

“Hey, that’s my seat,” a new voice whispers.

Sion looks back to see General Quinlan Vos with his arms crossed over his chest, recognizable in any setting. Behind him is General Koon. General Kenobi slaps a hand to his forehead and grumbles, then shoos the blue edged clone and the child a few seats down.

The generals clamber just as awkwardly as the blue clone through the sea of knees of the troopers and then over the back of the bench.

Somehow, Sion has won the jackpot. He is now surrounded by jedi culture, literally.

“All of you, back,” Kenobi snaps down the bench when everyone is just starting to get comfortable. “Cody. Commander, come here.”

The clone trooper with the yellow edging does not want to play this game. He shifts his weight back onto his other heel as Kenobi pats the newly vacated space next to him. General Vos croons in a teasing tone something about Kenobi being especially fond of this clone.

Kenobi lurches out across the empty seat to punch him in the gut and then returns peacefully to patting the space over the sound of Vos’s moaning.

The Clone Commander has no choice. His general is giving him a directive. He gives in to the inevitable and makes his way through the knees and—much more neatly than the others—steps over the back of the bench to its seat and then into sitting. Kenobi beams at him, practically purring.

Sion needs desperately to take notes, but the subjects of said notes are right there and rudeness is intolerable in retaining his vantage point.

He fights the urge to vibrate in space as the lights begin to dim overhead and the panel chairman comes out to introduce the topic and speakers. It is only about a minute or so when a hand lands firmly on Kenobi’s right shoulder—the one by Sion’s arm. Sion jumps, but Kenobi resolutely stares directly down at the speaker.

“Obi-Wan,” Master Mace Windu’s low, low voice says right into the space between Kenobi and Sion’s ears, “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

Kenobi begins to melt but catches himself.

“You didn’t for a while,” he said.

“Get her out of here.”

“She has a right to see her Master.”

“What part of these orders are challenging for you?”

Kenobi still does not turn around to see Master Windu, but his eyebrows sink and his brow becomes more pronounced.

“No padawans,” Master Windu says. “Ahsoka. Out.”

The togruta, still bedecked in that heavy cloak, turns to stare owlishly at Master Windu while the person at the front of the room moves on to introducing the next speaker.

“But I’m not a padawan,” the child says. “I’m obnoxious. Master Kenobi said so.”

Kenobi holds his face in a hand.

“You can be both. Come,” Master Windu says, holding out a hand.

“But I’m a cloak,” Ahsoka tries instead.

Kenobi crumples further. Master Windu’s hand finds his shoulder again. Sion can feel its heat.

“If not her, then you,” he says.

“After,” Kenobi says.

“I’ll be waiting, Obi-Wan.”

Master Windu vanishes from behind them. Sion shudders. Kenobi turns to the side and hisses at Ahsoka,

“Now look what you’ve done.”

“You’re my co-conspirator,” Ahsoka hisses back. “My—my—Rex, what’s the word?”

Clone Commander Rex does not want to give her the word. Ahsoka tugs at him.

“Rex,” she insists.

“Enabler,” Commander Rex says with bitter regret coating his words.

Ahsoka beams over the laps of the other Generals at Kenobi. He glares back through a squint. He starts to say something, but General Vos tells him to shut up in a sharp tone.

Sion looks back to the front of the room and finds that a young man with dark hair has come out to the center of the front table-bench to speak.

He is a jedi. His robes, however, are dark in color. Blacks and browns with knee-high boots.

He’s very young. Very, very young.

And nervous.

Very, very nervous.

Even from the balcony seats, Sion can see his hands shaking. He is holding a stack of white paper. It is trembling like a branch on a windy day.

“Go, go, Master, go, go,” chants little Ahsoka.

Sion finds himself abruptly appalled by the realization that the child on center stage is the master of the child a few seats over from him.

General Koon gently shushes Ahsoka. Commander Rex helpfully wraps a gloved hand over the bottom half of her face to keep her distracted.

Sion looks from them to the young man and finds that he’s already knocked over the jug of water on the bench and looks about ready to sob about it. He gathers himself, though, and brings the microphone closer to him.

He is General Anakin Skywalker, Sion now understands. He is the first speaker and he’s never in his life presented a paper at a professional conference before.  

His voice shakes as he reads out the title of the article that he published (and that Sion has read) on battlefield surrender. After the second paragraph, Sion brings a hand to his lip to help him contain the emotions that come with the understanding that this boy is about to read his article, word for word, in front of a room full of academics.

He thinks now that he has been too harsh with his students.

--

 General Skywalker is not a strong public speaker. Clearly, his expertise is in action. He stammers. He loses his place in his reading and accidentally rereads three whole sentences. Only twice does he look up from his paper, and each time it is not at the audience but at Obi-Wan Kenobi, sat next to Sion, serious as a plague.

Kenobi nods sagely.

General Skywalker is General Kenobi’s apprentice. Was General Kenobi’s apprentice. However, it is clear to all who are present today that General Skywalker is still General Kenobi’s apprentice. Desperate, the poor thing is, for Kenobi’s reassurance.

His confidence in reading grows under his former (current?) master’s approving eye until he turns a page and—horror of horrors—drops the stack of paper.

Sion’s whole body tenses in sympathy and second-hand embarrassment. Skywalker flings himself down and messily collects the papers. He hurriedly reorders them, all while stuttering ‘ums’ and ‘uhs.’

Yet, when Sion chances a peek down the line of Generals next to him, he finds that not a single one has winced. No one has laughed. Even the clone troopers all around them are as silent and steady as the night itself.

It seems like they are all listening intently to their young General on center stage. The only giveaway that sympathy is being had by any is the tiny gesture Clone Commander Rex is making with his hand. He is moving it almost imperceptibly in a circle, as if to say ‘come on, come on.’

Sion looks back to young Skywalker and waits patiently as he finds his place and carries on reading again, this time faster. This time he does not look up for his master’s eye.

He wants only for the torture to end.

He gets to the end of his paper without dropping it or repeating himself and is flushed red. He does not ask for questions. He merely says quietly into the microphone, “Thank you.”

The panel chair waits a beat before walking over to Skywalker and asking the crowd for questions on his behalf. Skywalker becomes even more luminous. Sion cannot decide whether asking a question would be more or less stressful for this poor boy.

No one asks a question.

The panel chair then starts to ask for applause for Skywalker, but before he can even finish the sentence the whole balcony breaks into uproar.

General Kenobi hoots and whistles piercingly in Sion’s ear. General Vos claps and shouts what sounds like ‘You FUCKING did it, kid. You FUCKING did it. Hip-hip—”

“HUZZAH,” the Clone Troopers behind General Vos finish for him in perfect unity.

“Hip-hip—”

“HUZZAH.”

More applause and congratulations erupts after this.

General Skywalker slams his paper into his face and bursts into tears at the front of the room.

He bolts for a doorway that Sion hadn’t even noticed was right next to the bench. General Kenobi whacks at his Clone Commander’s shoulder, and Commander Cody wraps hands around his waist and hoists him up so that he’s standing on the guardrail at the edge of the balcony. He leaps from there to the lower level then goes jogging out the same doorway his former apprentice ran through.

After another moment or two, Commander Cody stands up and snaps at the whole collection of troopers in their language. Everyone shuts up and sits back down. Commander Rex gestures for Ahsoka to put up her hood and takes from General Vos a small datapad which he gives to the child—presumably for her to occupy herself with for the next hour and a half of papers. She takes it and immediately becomes absorbed in its lightly-glowing screen.

The balcony is once again on its best behavior.

Sion doesn’t bother with listening to any of the other papers. He feels no shame at all in beginning to furiously take notes on his last twenty-five minutes with the jedi.

--

 Upon leaving the conference room nearly two hours later, he finds himself swept up in the clone troopers’ swift and orderly exit from the space. They line up outside the hall in lines by regiment and they wait for their commanders and generals to arrive before marching back towards the visitors’ wing’s exit.

After two or three minutes, only two lines remain.

Clone Commander Rex and Clone Commander Cody stand perfectly at attention beside their lines of men. Clone Commander Rex has his jedi’s apprentice thrown over his shoulder; he has balanced her on one arm while she sleeps.

It’s very sweet. She obviously trusts the Clone Commander very much.

“Gentlemen.”

The clones snap to even tighter attention as General Mace Windu appears, walking briskly their way.

“You’re dismissed,” he says to them. “Commanders, you will remain. Obi-Wan and Anakin will join us shortly.”

“Sir,” both commanders say simultaneously.

There is a pause, and Sion sees that all of these people are now looking at him.

“Can we help you, sir?” General Windu asks.

Yes. And Sion will pay any amount of money to just know this one thing. This teeny, tiny detail.

“Sir?”

“Is that normal for you?” he blurts out.

The Clone Commanders stare. The general stares. The apprentice coughs lightly in her sleep.

“I regret to say that it is not only normal, but expected of these general and units,” General Windu says. “Please vacate this area.”

Right.

“Thank you,” Sion says.

He stiff-legs it back to the crowd of other academics and hunts down a liquid to soothe his parched throat.

  The new book’s title will not be ‘The Physicality of Peace.’ It will be ‘All is Fair in Love and War: The Jedi Order and Ideologies of Family, Part I.’

 --------------- Yeah, so anyways, Myth and I decided that Anakin is bad at public speaking and nothing anyone says can take this from me now, I’m invincible. (If you want this on Ao3 let me know).

[jjkpls]

first love (m)

genre : fluff, angst, light smut

pairing : kim seokjin x reader (f)

word count : 4.6k

warnings/content : mentions of sexual intercourse, mature language, infidelity, separated parents, unresolved past relationship, dad!seokjin, mom!reader

Seokjin doesn't mean to overreact. He knows he shouldn't. Knows you hate it. Knows, because he's been told enough times, that these types of reactions are unnecessary and possibly harmful for a child.

He can't really help it when deep down he knows he was meant to be an actor. Right before his actual birthday, his mother had dreamt of giving birth on a theatre stage, for God's sake.

But his father wasn't into it, given his ambitions, his own growing company and all the promising opportunities he envisioned both for him and for his only son. Therefore Seokjin went to law school, graduated with excellent mentions, followed an accelerated program in business development and managing and joined his father exactly where he was expected.

He isn't exactly complaining.

He likes his job, most of the time, likes the money and luxury that come with it especially and appreciates the work safety.

Now, you can't blame him for being quite the drama queen in his everyday life. All that pent up, buried alive passion for the arts of acting need to express, somehow.

That's what he'd say to you when you used to yell at him for starting weeping loudly in your ear when he'd call you to cancel a date last minute because he couldn't come, instead of just, cancelling it, aplogize, get over it like a normal person.

Or when you'd kick him in the ribs because he'd be all wild gestures and screeching screams when he'd teach your son to ride a bike and he would fall, as he should to learn, making the boy cry even when he wasn't hurt, solely from the projection of his dad's fear.

You're not here to tell him yourself but the glazed, annoyed roll of his son's eyes tells him precisely what you would. Those eyes are the worst. The prettiest he's ever seen. The ones he loves the most. The ones you also wear on your own pretty face.

"Since when?" He has a hand pressed to his chest, preventing a heart attack it seems, gaze wide and alarmed. Timothy sighs.

"A while. They were already together for Valentine's Day-" He explains patiently. That kid is sweet. The way he's slumped over, obviously annoyed to have to be the one telling his dad and having to deal with the consequences but still, he's watching over him with a soft eye, mouth torn in a sympathetic pout. He wouldn't mind his parents to get back together even though he is almost sure it wouldn't be a good idea for the both of you. He's heard tales of dysfunctional families, of parents hurting each other and their children and doesn't want that for any of you. He can't imagine it happen. You two are too good for that. That's probably why you had decided to separate in the first place.

Seokjin is quickly making maths in his head. Not really counting the time but situating himself in that time frame. Where was he at when she was out with this guy? What was he doing?

He may have been in Japan when it started. He remembers a call from you, you were asking him to take Timothy for a couple of days. You sounded embarrassed and he didn't know why but couldn't take the time to investigate, he had a flight expecting him and a conference call waiting to start in a couple of minutes. Important stuff. None of it would have mattered if he had known what you were up to.

"You okay, dad?" Timothy asks, awkward but kind. His mom basically.

"Devastated." Seokjin says with the widest grin on his face. He's not devastated. It'd be ridiculous to be for something absolutely predictable, fair and normal. He's not mad, nor disappointed. You deserve to be seeing people, have them desire you and make you feel good. He wishes it were him but if he can't do that, if you won't let him, he's glad you still can allow someone else to do it.

He's surprised though, he can't lie about that.

Honestly. That's stupid. But he didn't expect one second that you were seeing someone. You never mentioned anything and you didn't look like it. If there's a way you look when you're dating.

He remembers rosy cheeks and short skirts. You were younger.

"You think it's serious?" He asks casually, surprising even himself. His heart is in a turmoil but he showed enough to Timothy, acting like he was half dying, gasping for air and all.

"I don't know. She doesn't want to bring him home yet. Like, introduce him to me. I asked." Timothy, not only is he nice, he is smart. He's thirteen, shouldn't know much about Love and adults' matters yet. He's supposed to still be at that stage when one believes children and adults are two very distinctive race of humans, one that depends on the other and the other having it all figured it out, having reached a certain knowledge and expertise on all things and can't really be wrong on accident.

Timothy knows precisely what his dad would love to hear. And he gives it to him. Not to feed him vain hopes. Not even for this tiny hidden greed to have you back together. Simply because it's the truth and if for once the truth is pleasant to hear, then he should give it. Seokjin's smile only gets brighter. He shares a glance with his son, a glint winking his way and Timothy rolls his eyes, unable to hide the lift of the corners of his lips.

"Anyway, I heard you won that science fair at school?" Seokjin has already left his seat on Timothy's bed. He's rummaging through his leather bag and Timothy knows what it means. He has a present for him. Seokjin always has a present for him. Most of the time, he can justify it by some event or some success Timothy had encountered. The thing is they don't see each other that often, therefore, almost systematically, something new has come about and Seokjin can explain why he's brought a brand new console, a new laptop, a TV for his room or that one limited edition of this way too expensive branded pair of sneakers.

You used to get really mad at that. You'd say that he shouldn't, that he didn't need to bring him all these expensive stuff because what he'd like (it was a long time ago when Timothy was too young to have his own opinion and you would speak for him) is for his dad to be here more often. You'd say he wouldn't have to buy him shit for any other times than Christmas and his birthday if only he could be here for him. His dad would be his present.

It caused a lot of drama, a lot of crying. You had made sure not to scream, not to be too angry but Timothy felt from the way you squeezed him hard against your bosom that you were very upset. His dad had apologized, had said the most with his eyes only for you to understand. Timothy was staring, trying to get it too because he was involved, wasn't he? But that was one of those adults moments he wasn't allowed to participate in yet.

From then on, his dad wasn't late anymore when he'd set dates with him, his phone would be turned off when they were together and he would text him more often.

It was really nice. Because at first, Timothy felt that maybe if his dad wasn't so present it was because he didn't want to. For some reasons. He thought maybe he was too much of a coward or too nice possibly, to leave you two altogether, to disappear from your lives and start another one somewhere else, one he would have chosen and shaped as he'd want. Turns out Seokjin really appreciated his son and the time he got to spend with him. The more time they spend together, the more Timothy is met with awed eyes and whistling lips, impressed as his dad is by his smartness, his humour and hidden talents. He just was very busy. You explained that to him. That he was passionate by his work, that it required a sacrificial amount of time in one's life, and that he shouldn't ever take it personally because even he loved you and couldn't give you that time.

It's the conversation that led him to think that maybe his parents are meant to be, except they won't because... circumstances.

In any case, no matter how often they meet now, Seokjin still brings him gifts each and every time. The difference is that he has to think of a reason, sometimes make one up to not be struck down by your fury.

"Yes, I did."

"Of course, you did! Cause my son is the smartest." Timothy waits for the moment he says that his brain and the magic fuel filling it all come from him. It doesn't come. Instead, a neat white box is held in front of his face. There's a pretty tie made of ribbons glued in the middle, to hide the picture of what's inside, but there's no doubt that this is an iPhone. He rips the tie off and surprise surprise it's the iPhone 12.

"Mom is going to kill you." Timothy says first, before even thanking him, heart pounding from excitement and face split in two by the wide banana grin.

"Probably." He shrugs, unapologetic.

"Thanks, dad!" Timothy doesn't forget to add, eyes shiny and toothy grin even shinier.

He hopes so. That you're going to be mad. You two are too old to have petty fights now. You don't waste your energy in screaming and finding the worst things to say to hurt his feelings. You just cross your arms under your tits, clench your jaws and adopt that pout on your mouth, eyelids low and eyebrows high, the embodiment of condescendence and you look sexy as hell. He smiles and winks at you, calls you by an old pet name and you're swooning even though you try to hide it. No one is charming like he is, and no one charms you as he does therefore he's not too worried.

His son was just going around with this prehistorical device you dared to call a smartphone. With the broken screen, and the non-functioning selfie cam and the safari app needing a good ten minutes to charge one fucking page -this was deliberate as you wanted him to have a phone to call and text you and not go and lose himself on the internet or whatever. He's almost fourteen though and he's doing a great job at school and is such a good kid at home, he deserves it.

"I know and I don't care. I don't need you to tell me my son is good." You are infuriated. The perfect picture of you he had imagined, the only difference is that, you've just walked out of work, you seem to have had a rough day and your hair is a mess. With the wild locks hanging off of your bun, framing your pretty face, you look even better. "I don't want him to have something so expensive on him, first of all."

"His dad is richer than Cresus, what do you expect?" The cockiness dripping from every pore should suffice to make you explode. Of course, it doesn't. He has that stupid side grin. The one he's got you with in the first place.

"And what about- internet and even just the darn AppStore? He's too young to-"

"Are you worried about porn?" He frowns, you flush. That's precisely one of the things you think about. You don't want him to fall upon stuff he doesn't need to see -in your opinion for a good ten years at least- or start taking interest in social medias where creepy fuckers could hang out.

You flush because apparently, it's a word complicated still to hear from him. "I've made a parental software installed in it. And a localisation too. Not that we really need it with him but you know."

"Oh." All tension escapes from your torn face and tensed shoulders.

"Oh, wow, my first love is such a good dad." He mocks, voice high, hardly resembling yours, barely biting back a smirk. He even goes as far as swiping the right side of his bangs back, eyes closed, mannerism insufferable.

"Shut up." More flush. A fist to his chest for punishment. Bad idea. Apparently, he went back to the gym.

"You should be nicer because I have something for you too." He says, eyes glancing mischievously as his hand dips in the pocket of his trench coat. "Well. I don't want it." You cross your arms on your chest again which only serves to push your tits forward to him and he wonders what you're playing at. Probably the same game he plays when he winks and smiles and lifts his eyebrow to you.

"Wait 'til you see it." He sees the moment you realize it's a jewellery box. He reads the instant wild excitement, he catches also the gloomy shadow you try to paint over it because you don't want to accept it. How many times does he need to be told to stop? He won't ever stop.

"You can't buy me, Seokjin." You're eyeing the velour box in his hand, a tiny beautiful red in this large pearly white palm. You want it. You always do. You don't dare uncross your arms though because you know that if you even do something as reckless as taking it in your hand, just to have a look at it, you won't be able to refuse it.

"Of course, I can." More of that smirk. You glare, it makes him wheeze as he does.

You have never ever been able to refuse any of his shiny presents. You're not a gold digger, that's precisely why you felt so guilty all the time, accepting to receive from him things you could never afford for him -or yourself. He's born richer than you'll ever be, he loves to spend it on his loved ones -and on cars and designer clothes- and amongst everything else he loves, he adores covering you in shiny little rocks.

No one has ever worn diamonds the way you do. You look beautiful without them, magnificent with them. They were made to enhance your beauty and you were made to give them sense.

"You're such a dick." You say, tone way too monotonous to still have been in total control of your free will. Your eyes are glued to the shine of the two dainty clear earrings nested in the case. He's holding it open in front of your nose, like a hypnotizing stick. He sees your determination wavers. Your arms have just untied. Your hand is getting close. He smiles already savouring his victory.

"Take them, petal, I don't think your new boy could ever afford them." Your hand freezes mid-track, face falling you look up. He's a bit surprised to see guilt in those eyes. Shame and guilt. Even though, you have the right to see whoever you want. Obviously.

"How-" His head tilts slightly towards the hallway, where the bedrooms and the one Timothy is in, probably playing with his new phone. "Great. Bribing our son into giving you off my personal information."

"I gave him the iPhone after he told me." Seokjin feels the need to precise. His son loves him and he confided for this very reason. He wants to believe. He hopes that it's not because he's worried his dad would have a mental breakdown if he were to learn the news the day his mom would invite him to their wedding or something.

You sigh. You don't know what to say it seems. He doesn't want you to feel upset. He's not going to congratulate you either. He can't.

"Take them."

"He could- he's a doctor, you know." You sound like a petty little girl saying that, fingers aiming for the box but mouth reshaped by contempt.

Thankfully, the mesmerizing glee on your lovely face makes up for this last information.

A doctor.

He snorts, huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Are you really being disdainful over the noblest of all professions?"

"I bet he's not as handsome as I am." Seokjin says, staring away into space in a very Vogue kind of pose.

"And it's relevant because your face saves lives too, right?" You add to his clownery, biting on the smile wanting to take over your face.

"Precisely." You're already putting them on, watching your fingers work in the reflection on the microwave door. He's loving it. One is on, reflecting the light coming from the window, bringing a new sense to your whole stance. You don't look tired anymore. You look very fancy. Sexier than before. Your butt sways a little in excitement when you take a new look at yourself, now beautifully decorated and he's reminded of an idea he once had but never got to realize.

He wanted to have a fashion designer make a garter holder made of tiny diamonds. Solely diamonds. It would fit you just right, maybe a bit tight on you, would dig slightly in the meat of your thighs, enough to look fucking sinful and not too much so it doesn't hurt. He was quite young when he had the idea first and was probably not rich enough to make it happen.

He now owns a few palaces perched on the last stage of skyscrapers in three of the most expensive cities in the world and he would sell one in a beat if it meant he could get that for you and see you wear it for him.

You'd probably end up accepting it and then wear it for your new boy so that's out the question.

He doesn't hesitate when he reaches a hand forward, slip his fingers through the tie holding your hair in a bun and slide it off. You don't even flinch, he's still allowed to do that.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." You whisper with a smile, both for the compliment and for the present.

"You went to the hair salon." You nod, forcing yourself not to show your surprise. He doesn't need it to throw himself some flowers, "See? I noticed." He adds with way too much pride for so little.

"Your lenses work, congratulations." Sarcasm is the only answer to his stupidity, you both have figured this out long ago. "Is he nice?" Seokjin can't help but ask. He doesn't want to know too much about him. Kind of hopes that it won't be necessary as the guy won't last too long. But he can't resist his curiosity.

"Yes." You say without much of a hesitation. "Last week, he took me to this nice French restaurant in Songpa." You tell, eyes looking away, a bit pensive, mindlessly playing with one strand of your hair. Your face is taken over by that air. Seokjin realizes then that you really like him.

"I used to take you to very nice restaurants all the time, remember?" He's just messing around now. He knows it's not that relevant. Knows it won't get him higher in your regard,

"And I would spend half the date with the waiter while you'll have yours with your phone. I do remember." Especially given you don't recall your common past the same.

He does remember now that you mention it. His memory has been awfully selective and mainly, what he could picture when he thought about those times, is how beautiful you looked, how much he wanted you and felt like even sitting right next to you, he couldn't satisfy that need, was missing you even if you were right there, and the mind-blowing sex too. The later probably happening because he owed to make it up to you because indeed, his job was on the dates too and you hated that. He remembers the late mornings, the lazy ones, you'd make him carry you on his back because your legs and your hips hurt too badly.

"Ouch!" Toppling over, hand on his bosom where it actually really hurts, he yelps in agony, pretending to have been shot. You giggle and slap his shoulder, pester him to stop when you both hear Timothy ask from his room if everything's okay. You'd think he would know by now that his dad is just a clown whose shenanigans shouldn't be taken seriously.

"Are you seeing someone these days?" What a shame, Seokjin really thought for once he'd be solely cool and collected and handsome. Instead, he can feel his ears start to burn in embarrassment, walks a few steps back, pretending to want to throw a glance through the window when really, he'd do anything to not have see you notice.

"Someone?" He huffs. "Some three, actually some four or five. You know how the ladies get with me-" He sounds dumb as hell. It suffices to make you laugh. You've always laughed at his antics. Even when you were going through complicated times, like the pregnancy and the soon to follow break up, he'd try to dry your cheeks and lighten your gaze, heartbroken as he was to see you like that, and it would always work.

"And I know how bad you are with maths." He nods, doesn't look at you, simply stares at the shiny tip of his italian shoes. "You should call me sometimes, Jin." You don't need to tell him, he knows. You say that to him almost every single time. It's just you being kindhearted, the way you've always been. But first, he hates the idea that somehow, to some degree, it's a pity hand you're holding out for him. And secondly, he knows he'll fuck up if he calls.

He won't be able to talk about his job or politics or what's on the dumb tv these days. He'd probably start by asking what you're wearing and end it all by serenading you. What a bad idea. "You don't ever call, only Tim. Which is fine but-" He is lonely, he does miss you, but he's not that stupid. "I miss you too, you know." You look awfully sincere when you say this. There's still a sad shade to your eyes and he suspects it comes from you worrying about him rather than you simply wanting him more in your life. Maybe it's there for both reasons. He can't be mad at you for caring about him still, can he? Ultimately, it's sweet. It's not your fault he tends to be a loser in his very personal life.

He wouldn't know who he is trying to comfort when he strides forward and place a kiss on your cheek. The other one he's cradling in his palm feels warmer the longer he touches it. He doesn't let it go once he backs up and away. You're looking up to him with your eyes looking all round and childish. Quiet and in expectancy. You look like you do when you would wait for him to kiss you. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip and he smirks.

"Expecting me to kiss you?" He asks with an eyebrow raised high. Pretend judgment in his tone, even remonstrance. As if. "How scandalous, when you already have a boyfriend." You know he's just kidding and he can tell that. He wouldn't play with that if he wasn't sure. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings, make you feel wrong or bad in any way. He loves you too much for that. You could let him kiss you and he wouldn't hold you accountable for it. Therefore he does. Because he's dying to since the last time it happened a couple of weeks back. And when your own lips welcome his, with that much willing and tenderness, he suspects you've had too.

He doesn't allow it to go too far. He thought you would stop him, at some point, but you don't. He's the one pulling away when his tongue, instinctively, means to reach out for your own. He knows what comes after that, and what comes after that and after and after. And even if you transpire guilt and shame, he can sense in the way your eyes stare into his that you would have let it all happen.

He's not lacking in desire, he hopes you know that. Honestly, since earlier, and that random flash of the diamond garter holder, his brain is half clouded by the thought of your thighs and his face buried in between them. You used to make the most delicious sounds, pulling at the root of his hair and chasing your high with your hips. Also now that he's met your mouth again and he envisioned what could happen if he just let go, he can't help but think about that dresser in your room. The gigantic thing you wanted him and Timothy to put together as sort of a father and son enterprise to bound or whatever - he ended up paying a guy to do it for them and they played Mario Kart instead but you don't need to know that. Point of the matter is, that massive dresser has a massive mirror on its door and that massive mirror sits perfectly in front of your bed. And all he can think about is how bad he'd like to fuck you on your bed while you'd watch yourself in it. He'd pull back your hair, hold in tight in his fist like he knows you love so you could see your own cute face while his cock would reshape your cunt to its fitting, all this with the pretty little shiny earrings adorning your ears.

Fuck, what a concept.

And it is to say that right now, he knows, you'd let him. He's not that wicked though. He feels your too weak to resist him today therefore he's not even going to chance it. He doesn't want you to do something you'd hate yourself for afterwards.

"I should go, I still have documents to send for a new contract before-" He takes a look at the expensive watch heavy on his wrist, you roll your eyes. "Half an hour ago, great." He offers you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes no matter how hard he tries before he's off to the hallway, giving you his broad back. "I'm going to say bye to Tim."

"It's just- like that, Seokjin." The words are pretty badly chosen. They don't mean much. Seokjin still gets it though. He can picture you behind him, shrugging your shoulders and tilting your head to the side. It doesn't mean much.

"I know, petal. Don't worry." He throws over his shoulder, faux lightness in his tone even though his heart feels raw. It doesn't mean enough, is more accurate. This kiss like every single one of your shared looks and words and bickering and touches, they all mean that you still fit perfectly good together. However, it's not enough because somehow, someday, you came to the conclusion that you were not meant to be. He's confused as to why and how he agreed with you then. Here's the main reason why he never calls you.

When Timothy looks up from his new phone, wearing your eyes and his smile, he feels a whole new range of pain affected to his sensitized heart. How can you not see that you're meant to be?

A/N: Happy Lunar New Year :) this little thingy was inspired by Arsène Lupin and the relationship between Assane and Claire for those who watched it! I don’t know if i translated well the alchimy and unfightable attraction and connection they still have even after having seperated. ANYWAY, hope you all are doing fine, hope you liked this, LET ME KNOW what you thought, tell me about your day, your resolutions if you have any, what’s the weather like where you at etc lmao xoxo

PS: stay tuned for a new upcoming series i’m quite excited about ~~

[makeste]

the mortifying ordeal of being known... and rejected

or, how to create a self-fulfilling prophecy and get yourself stuck in a hole you’re too scared to try and pull yourself out of (by Bakugou Katsuki).

here is an observation: Bakugou often processes/hides/disguises fear...

uncertainty...

and even grief/guilt...

as anger.

the why, obviously, is because like most humans, he’s afraid of opening up and being vulnerable. but this post isn’t really about discussing the why. rather, it’s about the natural conclusion we can draw from this: that if the majority of Bakugou’s anger is in fact just his way of covering for his “weaker”, more vulnerable feelings, his doubts and fears, then that says a ton about Bakugou’s relationship with the one person he has always displayed the most hostility and aggression towards throughout his life.

so let’s talk about Bakugou’s actual feelings towards Deku.

disclaimer: I am not a therapist, or someone with any kind of psychology expertise; I am just a person that likes to read manga and think too much about fictional characters. so please keep in mind that even though I might not preface every single sentence here with “I think...” or “in my opinion...” obviously these are still just my guesses and interpretations and they may very well be wrong! the only one who knows for sure is the guy over in Japan drawing doodles of sentient flowers in his spare time, and I can’t very well ask him, so for now this will have to do.

so Katsuki and Izuku were childhood friends. let’s take this all the way back to the start. here we have two very young children who are introduced to each other at an age when they’re still young enough to have absolutely no secrets. they’re young enough to have not yet learned to be shy or self-conscious, or to downplay their enthusiasm so as not to let others know they care. kids that young don’t hide anything. they don’t lie or deceive. they don’t have agendas, and they assume that others don’t either. it is, in short, a very pure type of relationship in the sense that it’s honest and uncomplicated, that it is exactly what it appears to be at face value. their personalities are fully out there with no attempt at reining anything in. Katsuki witnesses the full force of Izuku’s boundless hero-worshipping energy and enthusiasm. Izuku witnesses the full extent of Katsuki’s relentless confidence and Peter Pan cockiness. both boys see each other for who they are in their entirety, and accept each other.

this is a fundamental bond. there is trust built between the two of them at a critical, formative age. it’s a relationship formed so early on that it’s likely that neither of them can actually recall a time before they met the other. they are and have always been a constant in each other’s lives. they’re a lot like siblings in terms of that kind of closeness and complete understanding of the other, both the good and the bad. in fact I’d say that Izuku’s use of “Kacchan” (and Katsuki’s automatic acceptance of it) isn’t that different from a younger brother’s use of “Niisan” for his older brother. it’s very revealing of the type of relationship they have. and that includes the typical sibling squabbles as well. it’s very much a relationship that’s taken for granted; there’s no filter, no effort to hold back, no attempt at trying to tone down their behavior around one another. there is whining and bragging and squabbling and name-calling and tears, just as much as there is cooperation and respect and trust. because at the end of the day, the assumption is that the relationship will endure no matter what, so they can go at each other as hard as they can and it doesn’t matter. the other one’s presence is just a given. that’s the kind of relationship that this term “childhood friends” really encapsulates, I think.

what I am trying to say here is that although it’s often viewed by fandom as an imbalanced relationship at best, and a toxic/broken one at worst, I think this is an incredibly important bond to the two of them. this is a relationship that has deep, irreplaceable value. the value lies in being known without having to suffer through the whole mortifying ordeal part. in the absolute, taken-for-granted surety that the other will always be there; in the constant, reassuring, and familiar presence; and in the security of knowing where they stand.

and what that in turn all means is that when four-year-old Bakugou Katsuki is struck by the thought that this relationship is being threatened, that the status quo may not always be quo, that the bond he’s come to rely on may have been built on a crumbling foundation, the emotional response which we are actually seeing here is not anger.

it’s fear.

this is the person who knows him better than anyone else does, and who, knowing all that, has always seemingly found something to admire in him. this is the person who’s always followed him no matter what. this is someone who looked up to him and believed in him, and whose belief and admiration perhaps more than anyone else’s filled him with pride and confidence. so the sudden fear, however ridiculous or unfounded (because at the end of the day he was just a preschooler, and that’s important to remember -- the fact that this fear, misplaced as it is, was based off of a scared four-year-old’s logic, and was incredibly real and overwhelming to said four-year-old), that Katsuki might lose this relationship -- or worse, the fear that the relationship was never real to begin with and was based on a lie and was unreciprocated and he was being strung along and laughed at behind his back the whole time -- is absolutely crushing to him.

because what he realizes in this moment is that in some ways, Izuku is already better than him at being a hero. and this realization, along with the fact that Izuku tries to help him and Katsuki misinterprets that as a gesture of pity or scorn, leads to a sudden cascade of other disastrous fears, including (1) the fear that Izuku is a sudden obstacle to his dream of becoming the number one hero, (2) fear that Izuku is looking down on him and not taking him seriously, and (3) fear that he won’t be able to catch up, because he doesn’t understand this mysterious quality that Izuku has, because that something isn’t physical strength, and that’s the only thing he’s ever considered up until now. and the one thing he does understand is that whatever it is (hint hint, it’s actually heart, and the determination to save and protect others), it’s something he himself lacks.

these are the fears which rise to the surface in this instant, and the fears which Katsuki is on some level at least aware of, and subsequently these are the fears which actually get confessed during Deku VS Kacchan Part 2 and are finally addressed. so all this is stuff we more or less already knew. 

but here’s another thought: I believe that this whole time, there was actually a fourth underlying fear which has actually been at the core of all those other fears from the beginning, and which has stayed with him this entire time, and which is such a profoundly upsetting thought to him that he refuses to consciously acknowledge it at all, and yet at the same time also reconstructs his entire personality around it. and that fear is simply this: that Izuku is going to leave him behind.

that’s it. he fears being left behind and discarded by the one person who has always been there. and yeah, okay, I do realize that this is a particular take that will probably have some people going, “uh, what” and gesturing towards THE ENTIRETY OF BAKUGOU’S BEHAVIOR TOWARD DEKU THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SERIES and raising their eyebrows. and look, yeah, I get it. the fuck kind of fanficcy, melodramatic “deep down the two of them were closer than anything” take is this. “you’re telling me Katsuki’s absolutely reprehensible behavior toward Izuku for a full ten years of their lives had less to do with him being full of himself and hating on Izuku for being quirkless, and more to do with him being sad and fearful and upset over the thought of losing his closest friend?”

but... yeah. that’s exactly what I’m telling you. because for starters, his reaction is about 50 times too over-the-top for it to be anything else. but because also, his reaction to this one fear is so starkly different from the way we’ve seen him react to all of those other fears. usually, when Katsuki is faced with a challenge, he has a very specific response:

so why, then, would his reaction toward Izuku throwing down the gauntlet be any different? hell, we’ve seen how he reacts toward people that are stronger than him (Todoroki), and towards people he thinks aren’t taking him seriously (again, Todoroki), and it’s completely different from how he treated Izuku. his entire personality shifted from being cocky and confident and nearly always having a grin plastered on his face, to him being hostile and defensive and antisocial and almost never, ever smiling. in fact he doesn’t ever really seem be happy at all.

so yeah. this is my take. he fears being left behind. it’s not just that he fears losing to Izuku; it’s that he fears losing Izuku. because of course he does, because given the significance of that bond as explained above, that’s the natural thing to fear. the two of them have always been together. he’s never not had Izuku there. and so he might bitch about it and act like he doesn’t care about it, but in truth it’s because he fears the loss of it so much that he lashes out defensively -- no you can’t push me away, if you even try I’m going to push you away first so you can’t hurt me.

because that’s what it is, isn’t it? bullying Izuku every time he gets too close. telling him over and over again to stop following him, and to not try and get into UA. Izuku, from his perspective, is looking down on him, so at the end of the day it’s just easier for him to convince himself that he doesn’t even like Izuku, that he’s just someone who’s in his way, and that Izuku isn’t the one leaving him behind, fuck that, he’s the one who’s going to leave Izuku behind. that it’s his choice. it just hurts less. fear as anger, because anger is just easier to deal with; anger gets you fired up and helps motivate you; and anger doesn’t leave you feeling as hollow inside. or at least it can help distract you from that feeling.

so. this is all pretty goddamn miserable, all things considered. and so it goes for the next decade of their lives. except Izuku never does go away. and then one day he goes and saves his life, and from there on out we basically know the rest.

fast forward to the present! or I guess technically three months ago, since as of chapter 257 the present is now Late March/DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY (24 HOURS REMAIN), apparently, and what I actually want to talk about now is the internship, and its impact on their relationship as seen since then.

I’ve already talked about the internship’s general impact on Katsuki in a previous essay, so I won’t really get into it at length again here, but basically the short version is that I think (or am at least hoping) that over the course of this whole thing, Katsuki finally started to broaden his perspective to be a little less self-focused. and as a result of that, I think that seeing Endeavor’s broken relationship with his family, and in particular watching Endeavor apologize to Natsuo and tell him “you don’t need to forgive me” (and Natsu being all WELL YEAH, I WASN’T GONNA) was kind of a much-needed kick in the pants for him as far as making him realize that his relationship with Deku, newly renovated and given a fresh coat of paint after the whole Ground Beta fight, and finally starting to look a bit like its old self again after all this time... maybe isn’t actually quite as sound as he thought it was.

and isn’t that a fun thought. because here they were finally starting to fix that shit after all this fucking time. after a decade of constantly worrying about Izuku surpassing him and passing him on by, he finally realized that this fear was unfounded the whole time... only to subsequently realize that there’s another reason now why that relationship might still be in jeopardy. that being the small fact that, oh right, Katsuki has been a straight up dick to him for the past ten years. oh shit.

this is something he never once thought about before. because previously he was too blinded by his own fears, and his conviction that he was the one being looked down on, and that Izuku was the one who instigated everything. and then once he finally realized he’d gotten it wrong, I think there was a delay before it finally hit him just how much hurt and harm he actually caused, simply because he’s not used to examining things from anyone else’s perspective other than his own. and then there’s also the fact that this entire time, Izuku has never once really shown any kind of lingering bitterness or hostility toward him in spite of everything. in fact he’s been seemingly overjoyed to finally have that friendship rekindled again, and he’s been more admiring toward Katsuki than ever.

in short, I’m pretty sure that up until very recently, Katsuki has just sort of been taking Izuku’s forgiveness for granted. just assuming that he already had been forgiven, even though yeah, okay, he was pretty bad. he just had no reason to think otherwise, because Izuku’s personality is so kind and accepting and understanding that he never even showed a hint of harboring any kind of bad feelings toward him over it. not to mention that all of the really bad stuff happened so long ago -- going on two years now! -- and Izuku has never once said anything about it! and so Katsuki, being the dumbass he is (and also subconsciously wanting to avoid the guilt, no doubt, because hoo boy, that is not a pleasant emotion at all), just sort of assumed that it was all right. that they were past it.

but... is that actually true? are they, really? or is he just telling himself that because it’s what he wants to think? after all, he did recently learn that he interpreted every single one of Izuku’s actions pretty much 100% wrong for about a dozen years. so fair to say he might not be so good at reading him. and, well... what he did to him was really bad. he was really fucking awful. regardless of how generous and kindhearted Izuku might be, Katsuki really has no right to just expect forgiveness, actually. he has no idea what kind of feelings are actually lurking there beneath that freckly surface. just look at all the resentment Endeavor’s kids have bottled up toward him for what he did. and maybe Izuku is only trying so hard to get along with him now because of what All Might said, about how the two of them are supposed to try and learn from each other. and isn’t it possible, and maybe even likely, that deep down he actually hates him as much as Natsuo hates Endeavor?

so there’s the bitter irony: Katsuki spent a dozen years believing that Izuku spited him, and trying his best to push him away so as not to feel the hurt of being spited, only to finally realize that the enmity between them was all in his head, and that in truth, he was the one driving the wedge in between them and chipping away at the cracks the entire time. that in reality he was the one doing the damage. that the thing he was so afraid of was never actually a real possibility until he brought it into existence, but that it does exist, now -- the possibility that their bond really might have been destroyed. and that it’s entirely his fault. that he created his own demons and dragged them into the light.

so now he’s afraid all over again, except that this time, he has absolutely no idea what to do. if he tries to push Izuku away again, he’ll only bring about the worst-case possible outcome that much faster. not to mention that he already played that song for more than a decade, and if there’s one thing it taught him, it’s that he hates that tune almost as much as the alternative.

so then what he should do, clearly, is apologize. that’s the right thing, obviously. the heroic thing. and I don’t think he’s incapable of moving past his pride in order to do it. and on top of that, I think he probably wants to apologize because he actually is sorry! but I do think there is something else that’s currently holding him back. and that something, once again, is fear.

Katsuki is normally one to face his fears head on. in fact, I’ve previously gone on record as saying that he would apologize without hesitation once he realized how badly he fucked up, because he’s not one to shy away from accepting responsibility no matter what the consequences. but now, though, I think that I was wrong. it’s not that he doesn’t want to take responsibility, or that he doesn’t think an apology is owed. rather, I think I underestimated just how great this one, last, biggest fear of his is. the fear of that possible rejection. the idea that Izuku might not accept. that he might say no. that it might simply be too little, too late.

it’s the one thing Katsuki has never been able to face. the fear that started this all to begin with. it’s the one fear that has shaped him since his childhood, and the one fear that he stands frozen and powerless against. the fear of having the one person who’s always admired him no matter what revealing that in truth, he doesn’t. the fear of having all his deepest doubts and fears confirmed. if he isn’t seen as redeemable or worthy to Izuku, who knows him best, who’s seen him at both his highest and lowest and understands him to a degree which one else does, not All Might (whose approval, by the way, also runs through Deku and which he also stands to lose) or his parents or teachers or his other friends... if he’s seen as beyond forgiveness by him, then that’s a blow he can’t recover from.

so now he’s stuck here in this precarious position with Izuku where he doesn’t want to take a step backwards again, but is too afraid to try and move forward. which brings us to the current chapter, where for the time being it seems like he’s decided to simply embrace the status quo, which in his mind is “rivals.”

so he’s leaning hard into that now, and simply pretending like things between him and Izuku have already been fixed, without actually taking the steps necessary to really move past it, because in the end it’s just easier. and I think that he will continue as is until that status quo either becomes too difficult or painful to maintain (i.e. the guilt becomes too much to bear), or until something happens to finally trigger a boost of courage in him, or a realization that he needs to stop being selfish and own up to his actions.

but eventually that will happen. and I think he knows that deep down. if nothing else, this is something that’s currently standing in the way of him becoming the number one. he has no right to ever call himself a hero if he can’t even muster up the courage to apologize, and to accept whatever consequences may come with that, just as Endeavor did, even if it potentially means being shut down and cast aside. he has no right to expect or demand anything else.

but at the end of the day, Katsuki is still only human, and still a young one at that. and he has only just gotten his friend back. and I can tell you right now that Izuku is not the only one who feels relief and even gratitude at being able to have a “normal-ish” conversation with the other after all this time, regardless of whether or not Katsuki might deny it. and really, there’s no rush. he’ll have to face it soon enough, and he knows.

but for now, this is nice.

[specs-and-capelets]

i’ve posted this before on my other account, but i deleted it and— well, i was just too lazy to put it out again. so— why not i put this here for content?

uhh this is on ao3 too, so if u stumble upon it, it’s published by my account :)

prompt: logan’s an idiot at writing love letters and asked janus for his help

—

It was just another usual day at the Mind Palace. Well, slightly unusual, perhaps, Janus concluded. It is rare of him to be so deep into reading while being outside of his room.

The air was crisp and his current spot was perfectly warm, located on the couch at the Commons, where sunlight shone from the opened window, a mercy and reward from the cold morning Janus went through earlier. It was the perfect time to read outside of his room. There’s no disturbance from the other sides on this time around. Roman and Remus were deep in the Imagination now, probably at each other’s throats, Virgil’s alone in his room, most definitely on Tumblr, and Patton’s outside in the garden, enjoying the day. Yes, it’s certainly the best time of the day to read right here, Janus thought with a slight smile in his lips.

Anyway, it was a just a slightly different day than usual, but still a usual day nonetheless.

Footsteps suddenly emerged from the hallway, slightly disturbing the quietness of the Commons. Janus’ eyes teared away from the words of the book, tensing, like a predator sensing an enemy approaching. Tap, tap, tap, the footsteps sounded. It’s a familiar rhythm, Janus realized, relaxing, his eyes going back to the book.

Logic came into his view not a moment later, most of his body obscured by the book in Janus’ hand. The logical side stopped when he saw him, eyes perking up at the sight of the lying side. Oh? Janus half-expected Logan to greet him or say something first, but he seemed to be hesitating, the words uncharacteristically stuck in Logan’s throat.

“Janus,” Logan greeted after a moment, hands subconsciously playing with the edge of his tie.

Janus lowered his book, meeting Logan’s eyes. “Ah, Logan.” The smirk on his lips was automatic. “Greetings. I definitely did not see you there.”

The tension melted slightly from Logan’s body, the logical side shaking his head at Janus obvious lie. “Of course you didn’t,” He replied sarcastically, but the tone immediately died as he spoke again, “Are you-“ Logan cleared his throat, looking at the floor. “Are you, perhaps, busy at the current moment?”

Janus noted the nervous energy Logan seemed to be radiating, his eyebrow raising up in silent acknowledgment. The snake was intrigued, what is this all about? “I’m sure this book could wait.”

“Ah, if that’s the case then-“ He paused shortly. “I need your— input. Regarding a certain matter.” Logan looked slightly uncomfortable and fidgety as he forced the words out, anxiously waiting for Janus’ reply.

It’s unusual to see Logan so nervous, Janus thought inside his head, not sure wether to be delighted at the sight, or be also be anxious himself about the impending question, because Logan and nervous rarely went together. Well, the most nervous Janus had ever witnessed, anyway.

“Ah, of course,” Janus answered coolly, setting down the book he was unconsciously gripping. “Certainly do not ask away, Logan.”

There’s a slight hesitance in his voice, a pause, a flicker of doubt in his eyes before the logical side started talking again, “What is, in your opinion, the best way to write a love letter?”

What?

“Pardon me, a love letter?” Janus asked, incredulous. Had he he misheard him earlier? Surely that must be the case. Logan couldn’t possibly be asking him about love letters.

“Yes,” Logan clarified as he looked at Janus straight in the eye. “A love letter, that is correct.”

“You’re asking me-“ Janus pointed at himself, still incredulous. “On how to write a love letter?”

“That’s right,” Logan answered again, mouth twisting, his expression falling grim as he looked away. “If you’re uncomfortable on answering, then that is fine-“

“No,” Janus cut him off before he could finish the sentence. He sent Logan an apologetic look, not even bothering at all to hide his look of surprise and bewilderment at the question. “Apologies, I just— I’m definitely not surprised you decided to ask me about that.”

Logan huffed out a laugh at that, which also caused Janus grin slightly. “I, too, am surprised at myself as well.”

“This is more of Patton’s field pf expertise,” Janus continued, looking up at Logan, expression still displaying his look of surprise. “Why not ask him? Or Roman, both of them are better at this than I’ll ever be.”

“I already asked them both about this,” Logan answered, then he made a look. “Patton’s suggestions are not... terrible, per se. He told me to write, I quote, ‘my heart out.’ Write it my own way and avoid holding back any details, especially regarding my— ah- feelings. Do not filter my ‘feelings of love’ for the recipient. But it is far too emotional for my taste.” Logan then rolled his eyes fondly as he continued, “As for Roman, his approach is more fanciful. He suggested that I should write a love poem or a sonnet or something else in a similar fashion. He told me to— woo the recipient.”

Janus snorted at that. Logan and love sonnets? Maybe, but really out of character. “I definitely can’t see how that doesn’t suit you.”

“Yes, exactly.” Logan made an appreciative gesture, smiling slightly at Janus. The snake side found himself smiling back, and oh, what a nice smile he had there. Logan continued, “I also asked Virgil for his opinion on the matter. His answer is, and I quote, ‘Ya should just wing it, Lo, we both know we’re terrible at this.’”

Janus found himself laughing at Logan’s impression. Oh god, isn’t Logan adorable, he thought fondly. It’s not like he’s going to say it out loud, of course. “How about Remus?”

Logan only gave Janus a look.

Janus cringed at his mistake. Of course. Asking Remus would be a disaster. “Yes, you’re right. Terrible idea.”

“And that leaves you, Janus,” Logan continued. “I actually believe you’ll give the best advice out of all of them here, as I see you’re not too emotional nor too dramatic in things like this.”

But aren’t things like this are always emotional and dramatic? “I am certainly not flattered you’d think that my advice’ll be the best, but I.. do not doubt that I can give you something- satisfying,” Deceit replies quietly, giving Logan a weak grin.

Logan sighed softly, something flashing in his eyes that Janus couldn’t quite decipher. “Janus, for this past year, I believe we have gotten quite close. You’re more than capable of giving people good advices, and I’m confident to say that since I experienced it firsthand.” He trailed off, something soft blooming in his eyes. “Please, don’t be too hard on yourself.”

The snake side blinked, surprised and touched at Logan’s statement, and he hoped to god he’s not blushing right now.

“Do not blame me if it’s not satisfactory,” He hissed, adjusting his position as he think. “Patton told you to write it in your way, correct? That may be good, but I think you should try writing what the- ah— recipient would like to read.

“Present the letter in the way the recipient would like best,” He explained. “That way, in my opinion, at least, they’ll notice the thought and effort you put for going out of your comfortable zone and write the letter in a manner you’re unfamiliar with.”

Logan nodded, absorbing Deceit’s explanation. “I see.”

“Be humble. Be sentimental. Try to flatter the recipient while also being true and sincere,” Janus added.

Logan hummed, seemingly pondering about something, eyes flickering back to Janus. “If you— hypothetically receive a love letter from someone, what do you wish to find in the letter?”

Janus snorted. “An explanation to why that person deemed me worthy of love, that’s for certain.”

“Are you being serious?” Logan asked, eyebrows furrowed. “Janus, you know that you are, in fact, worthy of love, right? Everyone else here and I love you and care about you, you shouldn’t hesitate to ask us for clarification whenever you’re feeling-“ He pulled out his flash cards from seemingly out of nowhere, picking out one from the pile and reading it. “—not so gucci with yourself.”

“Of course I know that, Lo,” Janus answered, his voice a tad bit louder than earlier. “I just- uh- I’d definitely appreciate if the hypothetical person explained it in the hypothetical letter,” He explained, out of breath for some reason.

Logan gave him a look, but thankfully, he dropped it off, nodding gratefully at Janus. “I think I have enough information to start writing on my own.” He smiled at him. “Thank you for your input, Janus.”

“Yeah,“ Deceit croaked out, feeling faint. “Of course.”

He watched Logan leave, watched as his back disappeared again into the hallway, making sure the other was completely out of sight before slumping his body further in the couch, covering his face with a hand. He sighed deeply, feeling sadness, bitterness, and regret overtaking him in one big wave.

It’s over, he thought. He had his chance, but he never took it.

Logan’s in love with someone else.

—

Janus liked Logan.

He really, really liked him. He couldn’t pin point exactly when it started, but he remembered it being somewhere when Thomas was in college, back when people called him Deceit, where Janus would find Logan up in the latest of nights and earliest of days as he studied alongside Thomas. The times when Janus witnessed Logan finally getting a break, in a form of passing out on the couch in the Commons, relaxed and so, so soft for someone so rigid. As Janus stared at the sleeping side one night, he realized just how much he had done for Thomas, for them. Janus was extremely grateful for that, and he couldn’t help but to fall in love a little deeper.

He may not show it, pressing his feelings down on his chest and continued on his Disney villain charade, but from the start, he cared deeply for the other sides and had an.. extremely fond feelings for the logical side.

Logan, who’s fierce and passionate about facts and knowledge, who won’t hesitate to correct what is wrong and prove what is right, who constantly seek to improve himself. Logan, who’s also kind and caring and understanding in his own way, softer under that hard, stubborn shell of his. Logan, who’s intelligent, who glowed brightly as he mused about the secrets of the universe and talked on and on about biology, philosophy, astronomy, practically every piece of knowledge he studied, and anything and everything in between.

Janus had always been attracted to intelligence, and god, Logan was absolutely gorgeous.

As the years past, Janus’ attraction to the logical side only grew along with their interactions. Polite smiles and curt nods as they walked pass each other turned into greetings and small talks. Small talks about jams and books turned into debates on philosophy and society. And then, they became closer, sharing tea and thoughts together inside the privacy of Logan’s room. Slowly, as their fondness for each other grew, Logan let his guard down around Deceit. He witnessed his private smiles, witnessed his soft laughs, witnessed his tears.

And as the years past, in silence, Janus liked him more and more.

He didn’t pursue it, ultimately pressing down his romantic feelings towards the other side securely in his chest, hoping that it won’t see the light of day. He thought, at first, that maybe if he just ignored it all, the feelings would all go away. Truly a classic way to not deal with anything, really. He didn’t want to cause Logan more problems than he already had, seeing as the nerd wasn’t entirely attuning to his own emotions. He’s also a liar, a deceitful snake, a bad guy in their host’s eyes. Would Logan want that to be his partner? Sure, they may hang out a lot, but would Logan let him in that far?

But then Virgil got accepted, and then him and Remus followed right after. The tension that grew between Light and Dark, as Roman dubbed it, finally subsided. Everything’s better now. Perhaps not perfect, but clearly a lot more better than before. Still, Janus never confessed. He’s still afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of pain. Afraid to destroy the friendship that they had.

So Janus kept quiet, kept going through his days as he silently pined. And now? It’s too late. Logan now had his eyes on someone, and it’s definitely not Janus who’s going to be at the receiving end of the love letter.

It hurt, knowing someone you loved so much for a long time was going to confess to someone else.

At least, Janus concluded, Logan’s happy. And that’s all that truly matters in the end, isn’t it?

—

“Janus!”

It was the day after Logan asked him about love letters. Janus still half expected it to be a dream or some kind of vivid image his brain came up when he spaced out. But no, it really did happened, and it still haven’t failed to baffle him.

Janus was just heading to the kitchen to get something to drink as he waited for breakfast, but Logan’s voice calling out to him stopped him in his tracks, his head looking back automatically to see Logan walking up from behind.

“Logan,” Janus greeted, his mismatched eyes scanning the logical side. He looked— messier than usual. His hair uncharacteristically ruffled in a careless manner, slightly dark circles around his eyes and he looked... not very awake at the moment, which was highly unlike him. “You look positively good, Logan, it looks like you slept well earlier.”

Logan flushed slightly at Janus words. “I was rather occupied the entire night.”

Janus raised an eyebrow. “Love letter?”

Logan nodded slightly. “Yes, that is correct.” He cleared his throat. “I have a question to ask you again, if you do not mind answering.”

He’s still on about that? Janus mentally asked, feeling a twinge of annoyance, and maybe a tad jealous. Maybe. It’s not finished? Who is he writing to? What’s taking him so long?

But instead of voicing all that, Deceit only put on a grin, as usual. “Of course, Specs-tacularly Nerdy.” He internally cringed at the nickname. He blamed Roman and his tendency to give everyone ridiculous nicknames.

Logan only rolled his eyes at Janus’ nickname for him. “Various sources suggested to use terms of endearment in addressing the recipient,” Logan said, tilting his head slightly. “Such as ‘My Dearest’ or ‘Beloved’ and other similar to that.”

Janus automatically faked gagged, his hands giving a disapproving gesture. “That definitely does suit you perfectly. You sound perfectly in character using that, Logan. If it were for me, I wouldn’t feel unsettled.”

“Ah, is that so?” Logan grinned at him, and something inside Janus’ chest swelled with affection. Shit. “Fantastic. Thank you again for your opinion, Janus.”

And with that, Logan turn around and ran back to his room, blissfully oblivious about Janus’ internal turmoil, the snake side letting out the breath he was holding as a blush spread on his face.

—

It kept Janus up at night, tossing and turning on his bed, wondering who the hell caught Logan’s affection.

Is it Patton? They both do have some sort of opposites attract kind of dynamic between them. The Heart and The Brain; Patton and Logan. Patton quite obviously adored Logan and the logical side, not so obviously, cared about the fatherly side as well. But wether it’s romantic or merely platonic, Janus was not sure which was true. They hug, they sometimes cuddle on the couch at movie nights, but it’s not enough for him to know that they’re into each-other, or at least, he couldn’t see if Logan was into Patton.

Is it Roman? They had this rivalry dynamic and tension between them. Janus knew better, himself had heard both sides of their opinions towards one another, both holding the other in high regard, respect, and admiration. Because in the end, they both only wanted what’s best for Thomas, and after setting aside their arguments and making some sort of truce, they worked extremely well together. Past all the bickering and arguing and disagreements, they’re very compatible.

Is it Virgil, our resident stormy cloud? They shared many moments together in peaceful quietness as they enjoy each other’s company. When Virgil had his episodes of panic, he’d fall to Logan as the logical side knew the best way to calm him down. They both had deep trust in each other that Janus was honestly jealous of. The left brains of the group. The storm and the grounding earth.

Janus suddenly sat up, realizition whacking him on his head, but Logan had asked them all for advice. Who asks their own love interest advice on how to ask them out? That’s ridiculous. So, the only side Logan didn’t ask was—

Remus. Remus ‘Creativity’ Sanders himself. Janus-

Janus could see them working out. The brain cell and the chaotic madman together. After Remus’ first debut to Thomas, they started talking more, as Remus finally found someone new to grace his presence with and annoy the hell out of. Logan battled Remus’ morbidity with deadpans and indifference, and in the end, they ended up as friends. He was glad that he was spared a little from Remus’ chaos, and that he found someone new to hang out with other than Janus.

It could be Remus, Janus solemnly concluded. With a sigh, he laid back on his bed, thinking why in all hell he’s worked up about this.

Whoever it is, Janus was happy if Logan’s happy. Yeah. He’s totally not sad about that, not at all. And if they broke Logan’s heart? He’s going to strangle them to death.

—

It had been a week since Logan’s last question and nothing noticeable happened ever since.

Sure, they meet up at every once in a while, but Logan never told him his progress regarding the love letter. Did Logan gave the letter already? Was he planning to keep quiet about his new partner? Or was the letter still unfinished?

Janus got his answer late at night.

He was just getting out to get some midnight snacks; a habit he and Virgil seemed to share, apparently. When he entered the Commons to get to the kitchen, he’s surprised to find the television on, illuminating the dark room. The volume was very small, almost muted. There’s a figure slumped on the couch, seemingly watching the documentary show on the tv.

“Logan?” Janus called out, surprised to find the logical trait and not Virgil.

Logan’s head snapped towards Janus’ direction, eyes wide in surprise. “Jan?”

“You shouldn’t be sleeping,” Janus scolded quietly, making his way towards the other side. “What would Thomas do without his logic in maximum condition?”

Logan didn’t answer, choosing only to stare at Janus in silence. The snake side raised an eyebrow at his stare.

“How can I make sure that my letter are going to be receive well?” Logan suddenly asked.

Of course. Perhaps that’s why he’s been postponing to send the letter. He’s afraid.

Janus quietly made his way and sat down next to Logan, making himself comfortable as the other watched him. He made a soft sigh before finally meetinh Logan’s gaze, and in the dark, he could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes, making Janus’ chest swelled with sympathy.

“There’s no magic formula for this matter,” Janus answered quietly. “Or, scientific formula. Or any formula at all. All you can do is be sincere with your feelings and— Well- hope that whoever it is reciprocates.”

Logan pursed his lips, eyes downcast. “I’m insane aren’t I to ask again and hope that I’ll get a different answer?”

“Perhaps.”

They fell quiet after that, Janus’ quest for a midnight snack long forgotten in favor of spending time with Logan in the darkness of the room, and in the darkness of the night.

In the morning, the others found them on the couch, asleep, with their legs tangled together, Janus’ arm behind Logan’s back and the logical side’s head resting on the deceitful side’s chest. Their backs and limbs may hurt when they woke up, but the warm feeling of waking up next to Logan was definitely worth it for Janus.

—

There’s a blue envelope sitting on Janus doorstep one morning.

The first thing Janus felt after he registered what he’s seeing was indeed there, was utter disbelief and bewilderment that the letter was intended to him. On his doorstep. Then he thought that maybe his twisted brain decided to play tricks on him and present him with this sick hallucination.

But when Janus bent down and picked up the envelope, it’s solid and real between his gloved fingers, so he’s not hallucinating, that means it’s really there. On the other side of the letter, written neat and precise, was his name, Janus.

So it really was for him.

He brought himself and the letter inside his room, still in disbelief that the letter— Logan’s letter was for him. Him. He marched towards his bed, his eyes still glued at the letter as he sat down on his bed.

Janus opened the letter gingerly, taking his time and mentally preparing himself. He could hear the beating of his heart in his ears, his chest filled with anticipation and a sense of disbelief when he finally pulled the paper out of the envelope. He took a deep breath before bringing the paper into eye level, and finally, reading it.

Janus,

I am writing to you this letter in hopes to convey my feelings for you that I couldn’t bear myself to do face-to-face. It may be cliche of me, but the idea of using a love letter seemed perfect at the time and far less daunting than the idea of stating it directly and verbally.

I believe I started to realize my feelings for you was when we increased the number of times we would ‘hang out,’ as the others would say. I was rather busy at that time, but I found myself that I didn’t mind to cut my work time in order to spend more time with you. It baffled me at first. I’m not the kind to pick interacting rather than working, but I find that you are the only exception. Then I started to think deeper about this.

I found that I am unaccountably fond of your smile, your laugh, your presence, and I wish to see you and be with you everyday. I fell in love with your intelligence, with your wit and your snark, with your sarcasm and your charm. And as we got even closer, I fell in love with your passion for psychology and equal passion for arts, I fell in love with your private, softer, caring nature, I fell in love with your touch.

I am utterly and hopelessly in love with you, and it is entirely illogical for me to be so. But with you, I find myself that I do not mind in the slightest.

I would like to keep debating with you. I would like to bring you flowers. I would like to hold your hand. I would even like to kiss you. And in the mornings, I wish to see your face every time I wake up for the rest of my existence.

Sincerely yours,

Logan

Janus calmly folded the letter back into the envelope, setting it down on his bead while millions of thoughts swirled inside his head.

Then he bolted right out of his room. He had to see Logan now.

Finally arriving in front of Logan’s door, he didn’t waste time and started knocking frantically, anticipation practically killing him inside.

The door opened, revealing Logan’s confused face. “Yes-?”

Janus pushed him inside and slammed the door shut behind him before Logan could even compute that it’s Janus. “You buffoon.”

Logan’s eyes widened in confusion. “What?”

“You absolute moron.” Janus repeated his statement more heatedly, jabbing a finger to the other side’s chest. A fierce, hot blush spread on his face as he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“What- what are you--?” The utter bafflement was thick in his tone and features, the side stopping mid sentence. It took Logan a few long seconds to realize what in all hell was Janus talking about. A similar blush glowed on Logan’s cheeks as realization hit him. “Ah. The letter.”

“We wasted so much time,” Janus said more calmly, his tone softer than earlier. “I could’ve been kissing you stupid from a long time ago.”

“I apologize it took me so long to realize my— feelings.” Logan looked genuinely apologetic, and before Janus could tell him not to apologize about that, he continued, “And how long it took me to finish the letter.”

A relieved huff of air left Janus’ mouth followed by a smile forming on his lips. Logan loved him. Logan truly loved him.

The logical side looked away, still blushing. With a surge of confidence, Janus took the opportunity to hold his hand, causing Logan to look back at him with wide eyes, the blush burning brighter.

“I can’t believe you used a love letter to confess,” Janus commented playfully, teasingly, as he took in Logan’s red face. God, Janus felt so happy. So very happy that this absolutely wonderful nerd loved him back. After all the waiting, all the pining, all the the things his heart yearned to do with him was all in his reach now. “Why not face to face? You’re usually straightforward when it comes to communicating.”

“I can’t- I cannot bear to see the look on your face if you-“ His voice cracked. “Reject me,” Logan answered quietly, vulnerably honest. There’s a wave of doubt in his eyes as Janus gaze into them.

“Oh, Logan,” Janus said so, so softly, smiling, leaning in. “I love you, too.”

Then Janus pulled Logan by the hand, yanking him down, his other hand firmly holding the other’s face as he pushed himself forward and crashed their lips together.

Logan made a startled sound muffled by the lips that was against his own, but Janus kept kissing him and kissing him, one hand fisted in Logan’s collar and the other cupping his face, overjoyed to know that this wonderful, beautiful nerd was his. The logical side obviously didn’t know what to do with his hands, opting to just rest them on both of Janus’ shoulder.

Janus pulled away, staring at Logan’s eyes, gaze full of adoration. “I love you,” He claimed again, emotional and sincere, so uncharacteristically soft and tender. He rested his head on the other’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug. “I love you.”

Logan, teary-eyed and still blushing, smiled back with equal love and affection for the other. And softly, he said the words back,

“I love you, too.”

[xcrystalzero]

Hello! I’d love to request a romantic matchup, as I’m an absolute sucker for those. Pls take your with this, and drink some water!

So first of, I’m 18 and het female. Appearance wise I’m a tiny (on a good day) 5’1 with, as of rn, pastel purple hair—I change my hair colour frequently. I have quite the defined hourglass shape, which I lowkey hate because finding clothes is a nightmare... the only feature I really like apart from that are my freckles. Besides that, I love fashion, and i spend quite some time on trying out new hairstyles and clothing combinations. So yeah that’s it appearance-wise.

Personality:

To be succinct, I’m an ENTP-T (HI KIN). I’m usually quite determined, stubborn, blunt, rational, and quick witted, but I try to be softer and more careful with my words around the people I love. My main quality is really just my galaxy brain (yay me, intelligence saves me from being a complete arsehole), although I always try my best to help the people around me (which can sometimes become overbearing, I’m sure). I have random periods where I just... succumb to being a crackhead. I’m not the biggest fan of always being serious, so I want to let loose sometimes. Tho one big issue I have, is that social cues and emotions are just really not my area of expertise. I have absolutely no idea how to act in most situations, and while it’s gotten better (i was unbearable to be around when I was younger) I’m vvv awkward and can easily be rude (accidentally... sometimes at least) djdjdjieks. Also, I’m such an annoying smartass, I’m sorry to everyone.

Hobbies and Interests/Dislikes:

For hobbies, I have too many in true ENTP fashion. Although, I mainly focus on dancing, writing, and... is hanging out with friends a hobby??? Idk, but I love spending time with my loved ones. I also quite like baking and I’m a huge simp for Shakespeare—well, his works that is, and for general English literature. I also love gaming, history, and debate. Another important thing for me is topics like feminism, gender equality and all that good stuff. I’m not really an activist (too much stuff on my hands I guess?) but I’m very passionate about these topics—and easily get into arguments about it. Dislikes—well, the usual ones like unnecessary hate and stuff like that, but specifically, I absolutely abhor when someone judges and condemns someone else—who hasn’t done anything against them—without even knowing their story. Also, ignorance is annoying af.

Some other stuff uwu:

For preferred traits in a partner: First of, my love language is Quality Time (we don’t need a big adventure or anything) and Acts of Service. I’m vvv averse to physical touch in a romantic sense and I need my s/o to respect the fact that it’d take me a long long time to get used to him initiating smth. Trauma tingz... I know it unfair tho, as some people just need that, so I try to compromise as much as possible. Communication is super important to me. Keeping your secrets are alright, and if you’re shy or anything that’s also cool, but if I seriously ask you about smth, I’d rather you wouldn’t lie just to spare my feelings. Also, I need someone who isn’t afraid to voice their opinion if it differs my own. I’m quite into debating—over any topic, really. Thus, I might come off as rudely argumentative (which I guess I am), but it’s mostly just a matter of enjoying the mental thrill and wanting someone to consider my perspective/explain their perspective to me. Patience is another trait I really need in someone. I have ADHD, so even if I try my best to listen, I might have to ask if you could repeat whatever you just said. Also the bouts of random forgetting, my occasional impatience... yeah, adhd things. Beyond that, I believe that if you truly love someone, you can grow with them and work around any negativity.

Can’t really think of anything else rn. Thank you for doing this 💜💜💜 take care and drink some water

Hiiii! Omg I'm ENTP/INTP -T too! We chaotic as fuck. Anywayyy, here we go!

I match you with ... Zhongli!

- Ah yes, Geo Daddy himself.

- I think that Zhongli is one of those people who highly value intelligence. He's been around for a while now and seen a lot of things. Obviously, he knows that most people can't begin to approach the amount of knowledge he has accumulated over time. That's why meeting you is a pleasant surprise.

- He's an incredibly patient and supportive person so he'll have no problem entertaining your crazy ENTP ideas or any of the things that come out of crackhead hours.

- He'd like the interest you have in fashion. There's something charming about the way humans like to accessorize and change up their appearance and you do a good job of it.

- It's a good thing you like history because this guy will 100% go on long tangents about the history of the land. If you try to correct him on something, he might try to fight you. The best part is that he doesn't even realize he's doing it, he just doesn't see how he could be wrong about something like that when he's been around to see it all. Have fun with those debates... Thankfully, he doesn't mind your argumentative nature and tends to deal with it pretty calmly which just calms your down too.

- Imagine though, dates where you guys burst into old libraries or bookstores. You had just disagreed on a certain technicality of Liyue's history at sea and you are determined to be right this time. The two of you spend hours scanning over books and asking the various historians always conversing around the restaurants and at the wharf. You guys actually end up kind of attracting a bit of attention, since people find it cute that you're trying to outsmart THE Zhongli. Plot twist...

"See! I told you it was 254 years ago! You were thinking of something else!" You raise the parchment you have been pouring over for the past few minutes triumphantly over your head before presenting it to Zhongli.

The man in question takes the paper, scanning it quickly before looking back to you. "Hm, I suppose you are correct."

"I win!" Your smug little smile is full of pride as you place your hands on your hips. Perhaps to others, losing such an argument would be disagreeable but Zhongli finds it adorable more than anything else.

"Yes you do my love. Yes you do..."

- His love language is quality time too! You guys spend a lot of time just wandering around Liyue Harbor together, literally just chilling or sipping tea on the veranda, enjoying each other's company.

- Basically you have one of those relationships where you can be both very active and very chill together.

Alright there we go! I swapped out my coffee for water just for you :). Hope you enjoyed!

[summonerscenarios]

this isn't at all relevant to sin so feel free to postpone this but in your opinion. out of the summorners who would be the most to least helpful if mc starts crying? I can literally already see toji standing there like :[

ASDFGHJKL OKAY SO THE SECOND I IMAGINED TOJI IN THIS SCENARIO I JUST IMAGINED HIM IN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM COMFORTING MC LIKE THIS

Buuuuuut in all seriousness here’s my personal opinions of worst to best (though the middle is a mixed mess lmao)

-------

Toji

Toji’s arguably the most awkward out of all of the Summoners and handles it the least well when he sees you crying. He isn’t sure what the best way to comfort you is - with words or with actions Toji’s expertise really doesn’t lie in either of them. He’s kept to himself for a long time and as a result handling others emotions and figuring out what people want to hear when they’re vulnerable isn’t something that he’s used to. Toji keeps his distance unless you explicitly state that you want him to come closer, though he does try his best to comfort you with his words. He’s aware that he’s not the best to handle these sorts of things - he’s confident that Ryota or Hanuman would be better suited to cheer you up, but if he’s the only one there he isn’t just going to walk out and let you cry unless you tell him to get out - even he knows that sometimes you don’t want to be alone when you feel like the world is on your shoulders. 

Gullinbursti

Listen I would put Gullinbursti higher on this list if it wasn’t for one major factor. He means well in thought, but the execution can go very, very wrong depending on what’s got you upset. Of course, seeing his master upset, let alone reduced to tears is a sight that physically pains him, and he’s desperate to fix anything that has caused you such distress no matter the lengths it may take to do so. All you have to do is to say the word on what he can do to aid you and he is ON IT. You might want to be careful how you word it however, as we know Gull tends to take things literally, and at the insinuation that someone is responsible for your state he will charge headfirst to confront them before you even have the chance to - if you don’t want that confrontation you’re going to have to practically drag him back and explain that - no, you just wanna leave it. He may be insistent, but he values your word above all else, so if you don’t want to pursue it that’s that.

Kengo

Kengo walks in on your crying and the first words he blurts out is an awkward “Oh...you okay?” which if you weren’t openly sobbing you would’ve laughed at. Once he realizes that you’re seriously upset though he gets serious. His first thought is that someone’s responsible for upsetting you and he’s immediately on the defensive, demanding to know who made you cry and to just point him in their direction so he can kick their ass. Of course if it is someone responsible for making you cry it’s up to you if you want to give him names, just be sure before you do because he will 100% throw down with them with zero hesitation even if it gets him in trouble. If it’s something else though he’s a lot less sure on how to handle it, but seeing you upset of course he’s going to still wanna do something about it! The first thing he’s gonna do is get you to sit down, asking you what you want to do about whatever’s making you upset - talking things out isn’t always his style but hearing what you want to happen directly from you is the best way for him to understand how to help you. You wanna go out there and tackle it directly? He’ll be right behind you. Wanna just forget about it? Sure thing! The two of you can just talk about something else till you’re ready to move on. Wanna just get out of there? Kengo’s going to get you out of there asap and find somewhere you wanna go - whether that’s a bustling shopping district or somewhere quiet for some peace. You’re his partner and he’s got your back, regardless of how good he is at the whole comforting thing.

Agyo

Agyo of course freaks out seeing you start to cry - he’s not prepared to handle this and you can practically see him frantically trying to go through all of the ways to cheer someone up in his head as quickly as possible from across the room. For what it’s worth though he doesn’t just wait for you to cry it out like Toji probably would, and instead approaches you. The type to rub your back and pat your head while you get whatever crying to need to get off of your chest, telling you to just let it out and that you’ll feel better. With the way he tries to comfort you, you wouldn’t be surprised if he’s picked this up from someone else (most likely from Ungyo when Agyo was upset.) but it’s more comforting than you’d think to just have those lil head pats. Admittedly if you’re the hugging type of comforter he’ll whine a bit when you pull him in for a hug, holding off on scolding you about using him like a teddy bear since you’re upset and all, but for what it’s worth he’s super fluffy and squishy so he’s peak cuddling material. Just be sure to give him plenty of head rubs and he’ll relent on the fuss until you’re feeling better.

Moritaka

When Moritaka catches sight of the tears welling up in your eyes his first thought is to take your cheeks in his hands and wipe away those tears as they fall. If you make a noise of discomfort then he’ll quickly back off with an apology for acting before asking, however he can’t ignore that you’re upset and implores you to tell him what has caused you to cry. Mori’s an excellent listener, always willing an ear to your troubles and he takes it very seriously, even if you try to downplay it he insists that if it’s upsetting you it’s important. If you’re okay with physical contact you can be sure that you’ll be getting a comfort hug from him too, just holding you while you cry it out and bury your face into his fur as you let out all of your emotions. Letting your feelings get pent up is an easy way to get overwhelmed and he knows that lesson well, so he encourages you to get whatever you need to off of your shoulders and that you don’t need to carry these burdens alone.

Hanuman

Hanuman’s the master of cheering up through distractions. He sees you starting to cry and he’s immediately at your side asking if you wanna see something cool, catching you off guard as he tugs you over to whatever he thinks will help you forget alllll about what made you upset. There’s plenty of games that you guys can play together - he recommends multiplayer since he’s got some awesome fighting games the two of you can compete with! Or ones where you guys can work together! Or there’s single player options if you prefer - he’ll make it a game night and invite Tsath, Ryota and friends over if you want to be surrounded by people who care about you. And if you wanna see some of his ninja tricks he loves showing them off! Anything that is able to make you smile instead of cry he wants to do! To Hanuman so long as he can at least get a laugh out of someone when they’re upset it means he’s doing a good job of cheering you up; so of course he’s going to want to make you smile and laugh as much as he can until you’re crying from joy rather than sorrow.  When it comes to actually confronting your problems however Hanuman’s inexperienced; comforting sure, but unless it’s an issue that can be sorted out with some mischief or swiping something up from right under someone’s nose he’s stumped on how to help. Aside from that though if you’re just looking to get your mind off of what’s made you upset, if only for today Hanuman’s the boy for the job.

Shiro

When the tears start to fall Shiro takes the initiative, getting you into a position of comfort or safety while you cry, be it leading you to take a seat or getting you something to drink once the tears run dry (gotta keep hydrated after a cry if you wanna avoid the headache after folks). And of course if you need something to cuddle there’s already three lil D-evils on hand, swarming around you with concerned screeches upon noticing their Summoner’s fretting over you. Just seeing them worrying about you and clambering to wipe the tears off of your cheeks with chubby little fingers is enough to make you cry all over again at how much they care (which just makes everyone panic all over again thinking they’ve done something wrong until Shiro swoops back in to calm everyone down). Unlike most of the other Summoners, once you’ve calmed down he’d like to sit down with you and talk through the options that you have available to get through what upset you. If it’s a particular event he’d like you to walk him through it if you’re comfortable with it, and throughout he’ll ask you where you would like to go from here; and, if it’s a person who’s responsible, how you would like to confront them to deal with it. If you’d rather just forget about what happened altogether Shiro’s supportive but also thinks you should reconsider - if this situation was bad enough to reduce you to tears he just doesn’t feel right about it going unresolved, if you push though he will relent, afterall the choice is up to you in the end. 

Ryota

Ryota’s arguably the best in regards to comfort. He’s an empathetic soul at heart and seeing anyone in pain makes him want to do everything that he can just to see them smile again. And this is especially true when it comes to you - you’re one of his closest friends and at the first sign of tears in your eyes his heart breaks at the sight and almost immediately he’s closing the distance to hug you. Ryota focuses on cheering you up above all else - anything he can do to make you forget all about what’s upset you if only for a little while he’ll do it in a heartbeat. It’s up to you whether you want to talk about what happened or not but making sure that you feel better is Ryota’s main focus. All kinds of snacks, a good movie collection and a whoooole lot of blankets is in the cards for cheering up any of his friends! If you’re not comfortable with hugs that’s totally fine! But if you are, you can bet that Ryota’s going to cuddle right up next to you, his hugs proving to be super comforting when it comes to making people feel better. The whole time he’ll be comforting you with his words too - telling you that it’s gonna be okay and that whatever’s upset you will be sorted out and that you won’t go through it alone! You’ve got so many friends who want to be there for you, and he’s sure to tell you that he’s going to be right there with you the whole time, wiping the tears from your eyes until they stop.

[another-dr-another]

{Oh shit um. They lied about something else which proved they couldn't kill Kurokawa???}

Maeda - Now I get it!

Maeda - Process of elimination, right? We know timing was fine, since no one saw the culprit, and the drugging went off fine...

Maeda - So there must be other stuff we're overlooking.

Hatano - Well, as culprit, wouldn't they wanna try to shift the blame to someone else?

Yamaguchi - Odds are, they tried to convict someone a few times, but didn't go too far with it!

Hatano - What makes ya say that?

Yamaguchi - Tsurugi said he knew who they are, they already know they've made mistakes, so they try and get the classes opinion swayed to someone else!

Yamaguchi - But if they go too forceful, the class would suspect them, and next thing they know, they're being prosecuted,

Yamaguchi - And Tsurugi comes in to explain how they did it!

Kobashikawa - I retract all previous questions about the validity of your talent.

Taira - Yamaguchi certainly earned a place here with his past...

Yamaguchi - Eh?

Taira - ...Your mother hired me for a month or so to come by once a week and tidy up, after your first case.

Taira - Very very messy.... very good pay, by extension.

Uehara - Talent talk, talent talk, talent talk!

Uehara - Christ... Maeda, we're still solidarity on not knowing how we got in, right?

Maeda - For sure...

Maki - God I wish that were me.

Tsurugi - After like, therapy, my first priority when we get out is totally gonna be getting my talent changed.

Mekaru - Still odd to me that a school like Hopes Peak wouldnt factor something like that in...

Mekaru - Anyways, on the topic of school, Maeda, wanna go back to your little presentation?

Maeda - Huh?

Mekaru - Just a joke about how you're kinda just explaining to the class how things happened, like a presentation!

Mekaru - But anyways, I just figured we should get back on track, and you should keep going about the case.

Maeda - ...That's all I got.

Ōtori - Huh? Really?

Maeda - What's that supposed to mean?!

Hatano - Well, you've kinda been solving a lot of stuff up until now, I was expecting you to work it out...

Maeda - The sole experience I have with this is a week of debate prep in Elementary Sixth, and glorified crime shows I'd put on for background music!

Yamaguchi - Don't you have a violent past or something though?

Tomori - You've just assumed that about him...

Inori - I mean, if you haven't reached a conclusion, maybe we're looking at this wrong?

Tsurugi - Ah... that's not the case...

Hatano - Cmon Maeda! Show me how smart you are, but some passion in and think!

Maeda - You're all expecting too much of me!

Taira - Oh really?

Taira - What was everything leading up to this then, a lucky guess?

Taira - And now the good luck of getting so far is turning to bad luck of not putting it together... seems awfully karmic to me.

Maeda - I feel... sick...

Tomori - ...Makes sense, this seems stressful to say the leas-!

Maeda - ...

Tomori - Oh! Maeda, you're starting to hyperventilate, okay? Focus on me, try to ignore everything els-

Higa - Do we really have time for this? Let the freak cry in the corner or something, and move on.

Maki - Holy shit, do you actually think any of us are gonna agree with you?

Yamaguchi - Cmon dude, I know being in a room with elites can be scary, but you're freaking us out, pull it together!

Iranami - It doesn't work like that...

Maki - They don't have a point, but Maeda? You do kinda need to calm down, save the breakdown for later.

Iranami - ...Or like that, either.

Tsurugi - Hey, can everyone stop for a sec? It's overwhelming to have that kinda reaction and attention on you, especially when already breaking down.

Tsurugi - ...Good, good, thank you all! Now, Maeda? You hear me okay? Look at me if you can; you don't have to make eye contact, just look over here.

Tsurugi - Thank you!

Tsurugi - It'll be okay! Here here here, breath with me, okay?

Tsurugi - Tomori taught you 4-7-8 earlier, right? Let's do that together!

Tsurugi - In for 4, hold for seven, out for eight. Inhale...

Maeda - ...

Tsurugi - Hold...

Maeda - ...

Tsurugi - Exhale... there you go, you're already doing great! Keep doing that, lemme explain what we're gonna do.

Tsurugi - I know you're overwhelmed, so let's talk out just who the culprit is. Just a simple conversation!

Tsurugi - If you don't get the same thing I did, that's okay! You'll be bringing up things I haven't thought about, or things I need to change.

Tsurugi - And even if it isn't helpful, it's okay to make mistakes!

Tsurugi - Then, when you understand, you can explain it to everyone, if you'd like. I'll be there the whole time to back you up and defend your answer!

~*~

Tsurugi - So we've already established the culprit was thrown off and panicked, and was making mistakes.

Tsurugi - So, they repeatedly lied about things, to try and subvert the blame. And we just trusted what they said,

Tsurugi - Then when they kept being proven wrong, we didn't question why someone with their expertise would mess up.

Tsurugi - And in fact, it was only when we ignored what they were saying on the case, something they actively fought against,

Tsurugi - That we started to realize what had happened.

Tsurugi - They claimed that they weren't physically capable of the murder, but the wounds they inflicted and how they impacted me...

Tsurugi - And assumedly Kurokawa, would've enabled them to pull off the murder; there was no other reason for them to attack where they did.

Tsurugi - They couldn't lie about cause of death, because I was able to work that out, but they suggested a weapon they didn't use,

Tsurugi - When this student, especially known for being a bit... odd with how they work when it comes to their talent, would likely have a drill in their room.

Tsurugi - They've even tried to throw suspicion on others, but like what's been assumed, they didn't press too hard, and ultimately tried not to bring attention to themselves.

Tsurugi - When they were speaking up, it was either trying to distract us from a conclusion we were making, divide us on incriminating evidence,

Tsurugi - Or defend themselves when they seemed suspicious.

Tsurugi - I mean, even just a few seconds ago, they were trying to get us to change our minds on our facts!

Tsurugi - The culprit is someone who was interested in others and how they reacted to the motive, and is someone who acknowledged that they could've drugged me...

Tsurugi - It's always been... incredibly hard for me to handle this sort of thing, where someone who could've had a great life was manipulated into something bad,

Tsurugi - And knowing what lies ahead of the culprit, I can't help but feel terrible for them, especially if I'm right on their motive.

Tsurugi - But Kurokawa deserves justice, she shouldn't have died for caring!

Tsurugi - So, Maeda? Think you know who it is?

~*~

Maeda, narrating - ...

Maeda - Time to make my selection.

{Select the Culprit}

[soopersara]

Thoughts on post-series (especially TLOK) Katara? Do you agree that she became a shell of the woman she once were? Do you consider it to be misogynistic when people say that on the basis that she "just became a housewife + a sad old woman alone in her hut"?

I'm not sure if you're asking if I think the writers were misogynistic for reducing Katara to a sad widowed housewife or if I think that it's misogynistic to say that Katara's character was reduced when she became a sad widowed housewife. Either way, I'm not in the business of accusing people of bigotry over works of fiction that I find questionable or opinions about fictional works that I find questionable. In the case of creators, I'm not a mind reader—I don't know 100% what the intention behind thing X in story Y was, and I trust that if the creators are shitty, malicious people, it'll shine through in other areas of their lives. Are there certain tropes that make me squint real hard and whisper, "I don't trust where you're going with this" before noping out? Absolutely. But some people, even professional creators, are just... not good at their jobs. And frankly, just the idea of going through my life assuming the worst of everyone who makes me scratch my head and squint is exhausting.

And in the case of Katara's post-canon characterization (because IMO, canon ended when the credits rolled on ATLA), assuming incompetence over malice seems entirely fair. Yes, Bryke are professional creators, but they are visual artists first and foremost. Writing simply isn't where their strengths lie, and the writing is what suffered when the franchise was left entirely in their control post-ATLA.

Full disclosure, I haven't read all of the comics or watched all of LOK because the former infuriated me and the latter bored me to tears, but the biggest problem I saw with both was the fact that the characters' individual wants, needs, and motives vanished after the end of ATLA. Except for Aang's. His inner life stayed intact because he was The Protagonist™️, and everyone else flattened out because it's difficult to hit the plot beats you want if you give multiple characters autonomy. I can sympathize. Writing is a pain in the ass, and writing character-driven stories well is a bigger pain in the ass.

But...

The original series was led by a writing team who knew how to wrangle multiple characters with autonomous personalities and motivations and storylines. The writing team knew how to do the delicate finagling to steer things back on track without compromising the integrity of the characters when they veered a little sideways, and they were aware that sometimes it's not possible to get back on track if the characters are leading an entirely different direction. And that's the brilliance of the show—for the most part, you can get into the head of each character and track him/her through the whole series and see exactly why they were motivated to make each and every choice (there are a few big puzzlers in Book 3, but let's not get into that right now or we'll be here for a year).

So when you go from the original show, which had a whole team of people who specialized in writing, to the comics or LOK, helmed by Bryke, who specialized in visuals, the difference is jarring to say the least. Suddenly we go from a cast of complex characters with their own inner lives that strongly influence how they act/interact, down to... well, Aang, and flattened versions of the rest of the cast who exist to either agree with and support Aang or to disagree with Aang and later be proved wrong because The Protagonist Is Always Right™️. Never mind the fact that a lot of that directly contradicts the characterization established in ATLA. Never mind the fact that the base premises of some of the post-canon stories are ludicrous by the show's own standards. None of that matters. Zuko is going to take advice from his genocidal maniac of a father after he firmly rejected him and his beliefs because none of the people who love Zuko care enough to check in on him from time to time. Aang is going to agree to kill one of his closest friends when he wouldn't even consider offing the aforementioned genocidal maniac because... he promised to, I guess. And nobody else is going to see a problem with ANY of this because they no longer care about... um... anything that mattered to them previously. Because they're all been lobotomized, apparently. We as the audience are supposed to like and accept all of that solely because it's Dramatic and Unexpected. We're not supposed to care that the characters we got to know over the course of 61 episodes would fucking never do that. Because the plot is more important than the characters, and Aang is the only character whose motives matter now anyway.

And all of that is a very long way of getting around to the point that, as far as I can tell, Katara's reduction from a fiery, impassioned, irrepressible warrior to a sad, ineffectual, lonely widow is more a result of Bryke not knowing how to write a character-driven story and therefore butchering all of their characters aside from Aang in the post-canon material than it is a result of misogyny. Misogynistic undertones? Since Katara was more visibly affected by this inability to write a natural character progression than anyone else, it sure feels that way. But I hesitate to call Bryke misogynistic for the way her character turned out when I know for a fact that writing is not their area of expertise. If I'm looking at some of the attitudes they've expressed outside of the show, I'm less forgiving. Never attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence, I guess.

And if you weren't looking for a long ramble about the writing of the show vs the writing of the post-canon material and you actually wanted my opinion on the idea that Katara's character was reduced by becoming a sad widowed housewife... then no. I don't think it's misogynistic to say that. Listen, there is nothing wrong with being a housewife. Living according to gender expectations isn't wrong if that's the life you want. There is, however, something very wrong with a girl who was actively angry about being shoved into those gender roles being forced to accept them later in life without any explanation. Someone who fought (quite literally) for the right to not be "just" a housewife or "just" a healer can't turn up a few decades later as a housewife and a healer with next to no other accomplishments to her name if she didn't have a compelling reason to go back and choose the path she previously rejected. This is fiction. Things don't happen by accident. And when things happen without reason, that's just bad writing.