#my ex was an interesting person
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You know, it is absolutely ridiculous the things that sadden you after a breakup. I've learned that my list includes Hazbin Hotel, the states of Texas and Missouri, the countries of Russia and Japan, all yaoi, the Owl House, the coquette fashion style, Balan Wonderworld, bleached dreads, a specific shade of pink, Will Wood, an entire region of my town, the Trolls Movie, the library, a restaurant, and the concept of communism. I'm so pissed, too, because my ex-partner had the fucking BEST taste in music and shows and now there's so many great artists I can't listen to without going :(((((((
#yeah#my ex was an interesting person#i assume they still are#alas#im tired#god im so tired#cant wait for the dirt nap#going zzz in a coffin 4eva#actually no#i want to be fed to bears#or cannibals#and i want birds to make nests of my hair#and i want my teeth to be made into dentures#specifically for some weird guy#who really likes dentures#idk man#i need to sleep#i love sleep#sleep however strongly dislikes me#FUCK#hazbin hotel keeps coming on my speaker#i dont know why#it is NOT on my playlist#I think im being haunted#by a mean mean ghost#possibly the ghost of my ex#i hope theyre still alive#hope theyre okay#dont know#wont ever know i guess
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Erik stares with incredible wonder, who is this boy?
#dadneto#erik lehnsherr#peter maximoff#pietro maximoff#dadnetoedit#xcuedit#dofp#x-men: days of future past#my edit#I will never get over this small but significant moment#where erik shows genuine interest because this kid impressed him so much#this kid who saved his life twice in just moments#if he had followed through with his army plan you bet your ass peter would be the first person he would track down#and then shows up at his door only to be answered by his ex who he hadn't seen in over a decade#OR he manages to track peter down and follow him but before he would approach peter's mum steps beside him#can you imagineee#the confusion on his face#why is peter associated with his past love#someone please write this I'm going mad from withdrawals
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while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.
bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:
Fear of abandonment
Unstable or changing relationships
Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self
Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
Suicidal behavior or self-injury
Varied or random mood swings
Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness
Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights
Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality
source: [x]
i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.
i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.
gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.
gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.
gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.
gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.
he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.
gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.
gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?
gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]
the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.
gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.
neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.
gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.
(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)
there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.
player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.
this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.
gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.
player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.
gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.
gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.
gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.
there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.
i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.
gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.
even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.
devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.
to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]
gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.
#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3#this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry#i debated if i should put this in the tag at first#but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion#also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster#i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting#fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay#BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework#bg3#baldurs gate 3#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 meta#character analysis#it speaks#long post#suicide mention
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i think everybody should think about how much of a privilege driving is before they judge people who don’t drive for being immature or whatever. like do you not realize that not everyone had a high school with driver’s ed or parents/older relatives who could teach them, not everyone had time to learn when they were younger, not everyone can afford a car and car insurance and any repairs that a car might need, not everyone lives in a place that is drivable anyway, and not everyone has good vision or a healthy enough brain and/or body to drive. and nobody needs to explain to you why they don’t drive! all you need to know is that the can’t, don’t want to, or it doesn’t make sense for them at this current time in their lives. fuck off!!!!! the response to inadequate public transportation isn’t that everyone should drive instead!!!!!! also everybody complains about bad drivers but people are incentivized to drive regardless of their actual driving ability because it’s shameful not to drive even if it’s a personal choice. and like maybe some people are just not self aware about their own driving abilities but some people just don’t understand that they are in control of a large machine that is dangerous if they don’t operate it properly and they have to be more responsible for the people they’re putting at risk because they don’t care enough to pay attention or follow the rules of the road or keep their tempers under control while they’re behind the wheel. anyway not everyone can or should drive, that’s all
#apropos of nothing i just was thinking about how judgmental my ex and her friends were in college that i didn’t drive#and i was not as bothered by that as i should’ve been lol#because i was low key deeply embarrassed about it so i thought it was kind of fair that they were being dicks about it#it was mostly this one guy. i tried to explain my reasoning but he just didn’t get it and kept pushing that it was dumb not to drive#and like. yeah sometimes it can be limiting but for most of my day to day life it’s not a problem at all#having a car would be a bigger problem to figure out rn#anyway now i think he should just go to hell#he was kind of judgmental a lot actually and had a pretty big ego imo with no reason to be that self centered#my ex was kind of egotistical too but at least she was an extremely interesting and bright individual#it was grating that she thought she was the most interesting person in the room all the time but she actually was lol#anyway. whatever this isn’t about her it’s about ME and not driving#it’s not gonna happen until i have enough money for a car and time to learn how to drive#and probably not until i actually get assessed (+ treated if diagnosed) for adhd bc my biggest fear is being a distracted driver#if anyone has a problem with that they can suck my dick#anyway. anyway.#that’s all i guess#i fucking hate drivers rn the drivers in my city are nuts
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Can more people please watch odd taxi, its story and dialogue writing is genuinely so fantastic. Its characters are so real to the point its almost jarring, and the art and music direction is phenomenal. its only 12 episodes and it USES those 12 episodes. I genuinely don't think there's any show like it. (but if there is, send them my way) the only preface I can give for it is that its a crime thriller and AVOID SPOILERS
please I'm tired of every other isekai show getting its 5th season while a masterpiece like odd taxi gets ignored cause it has furries. PLEASE
#the only person ive met who's seen odd taxi is my friend's ex-boyfriend and I dont like him#on my hands and knees please#maybe it starts off a bit slow but the payoff is incredible PLEASE#odd taxi#wheat rambles#with the success of dungeon meshi i've grown so much confidence in my taste in media#im just gonna start pitching my nicher interests to everyone
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Note: this is not a Stancy story.
“Say it,” he bites out. He’s pushing too hard, being too mean, and he doesn’t fucking care. “Say you love me.”
Nancy’s eyes slide off to the side and she—she laughs, like he’s making a joke, but he can see in the way she’s got her arms wrapped around herself that they both know it’s not a joke.
“Steve, come on,” she says.
There’s a hot, buzzing feeling in him like a hurricane.
The words peel out of him: “But…we’re soulmates.”
He’s gripping his forearm, holding it out in front of him even though he’s wearing long sleeves. It doesn’t matter. They both know whose name is written there in careful, neat cursive, like a puzzle piece slotting next to the blockier name scrawled on Nancy’s wrist.
Nancy reaches out to push his arm down and out of the way, out of her eyeline, but she laces her fingers with his like she’s trying to calm him down. Like an apology.
“Steve,” she says. “Let’s just—can we focus on the important stuff, here?”
This is important, why don’t you think that nothing could be more important than this. Steve doesn’t say it because he’s trying to be better. He can be better for her, for Nancy, his soulmate. So he swallows it down and nods, gripping her slender fingers tight in his.
———
It takes him a while, but he figures it out. It’s fate. It’s gotta be. It’s all a big part of their story, the one they’re gonna tell at their wedding, about the time they broke up and made bad decisions and were really unhappy. When you find your soulmate early, sometimes you have some growing up to do, he’ll say. Or maybe Robin will say it. He can’t imagine a wedding where Robin’s not his best man. Best lady?
It’s so stupid, but there was a moment, back in ‘85, when he thought maybe Robin could be his true soulmate. Like maybe there was some giant cosmic error, and the smart, funny, beautiful girl he’d been overlooking all summer was really the one he was meant to end up with after all.
When she tells him about Tammy Thompson, it’s almost a relief. The universe isn’t wrong after all. He actually feels really sorry for Robin, because without a name on her arm, how’s she supposed to know who to pick? And with the gay thing—it’s gotta be tough even just knowing who’s an option. He doesn’t think he could handle that kind of uncertainty.
It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to. All he’s got to do is hang on until his story and Nancy’s story bend together again, and become their story. He thinks it’s kind of romantic, even: like he’s been given this time to learn to be a better boyfriend.
So he’s in good spirits, especially when Eddie Munson gives him a heavy look that shoots through his veins like lightning and says as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen. If even Eddie can see it after spending about five minutes around them, probably not even knowing about the soulmate thing, it must be true.
———
Afterwards, he finds himself unexpectedly alone with Nancy in the hospital, waiting their turn to see Max and Eddie. It’s not exactly the stuff of fairytales; even though they’ve had a chance to go home and shower and get some sleep, they both have Upside Down gunk caked into their fingernails and purpling shadows under their eyes. The fluorescent lights overhead are way too bright. The flimsy plastic chairs are digging uncomfortably into his thighs.
But he’s not gonna get a better opening than this quiet moment, with Nancy slumped against his arm, tired and lovely.
“Hey, are you—” He clears his throat and tries again. “Hey, Nancy. Did you…think about, uh, what I said? About…you know. The future?”
She goes tense.
“Yes, Steve. I did.”
Maybe something in her tone should be warning him off, but he’s on this road now, careening down the fast lane with no exits in sight.
“And? What did you think?”
Nancy takes a deep breath, then lets it out after a second in a heavy sigh. “Steve, I…I’m with Jonathan now. You know that.”
“Yeah, but that’s—I mean, you know it’s not the same.”
“No.” She slips a thumb under the cuff of her sweatshirt and rubs it over her wrist. It looks like something she doesn’t even know she’s doing. “It’s not the same, no. It’s…Steve, it’s better. This way is better.”
He ducks down, tries to meet her eye. “Nance, I know I was kind of a shitty boyfriend, but—things are different now, right?”
Finally, she turns to him. Her back straightens, shoulders square, like she’s bracing herself.
“Yes, things are different,” she says slowly. She reaches out to take his hand in both of hers, soothing. “This hasn’t changed for me, though. It’s not about—I just can’t be with you, Steve. Not like that. I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t say but we’re soulmates again like a child, but it lives in his throat, in the thump of his heart. Maybe she just needs more time.
Maybe not, though.
(ETA: continuation here!)
#I wrote the first chunk of this a while ago and abandoned it in my scratchpad; had a chat about soulmates today and decided to write more#ofc this whole thing is also a metaphor for heteronormativity (WHEN IS IT NOT) so I may write the steddie follow-up at some point#I’ve never been the biggest fan of soulmate narratives but I find them fascinating from a meta perspective#I want to be clear that I don't think soulmate AUs are ~problematique; they obviously serve a function#the romance genre (and a lot of fic) hinges on the concept of endgame ships#there's a particular kind of comfort in that and I can see how it translates to in-universe predestination#I am personally just more interested in stories about choosing to love without guarantees#and I actually quite like the complexity of Steve and Nancy learning to navigate being friends as well as exes#not!soulmates AU
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i am once again thinking abt the lost potential that is hypmic.
#i literally just messaged my friend abt this but stick w me#when nemu gets hypnotized we see her wanting to join the pow which. makes perfect clear sense even without hypnosis#shes shown through out all of tdd as hating unecessary violence and samatokis outburts due to their upbringing#and a political movement that (pretends to) erradicate all violence would interest her like. im just connecting dots here#and she joins because shes hypnotized and blah blah blah. boring. ok but what if. and hear me out.#the hypmic didnt completely overwrite the person but just made them act on their deepest desires#like i thinm my case w nemu is already presented but hear me out for my second contender. sasara#a man that became a thug on a whim because this guy reminded him of his ex. ok cool. what if we went harder on that#sasaras shown to be analytical and extremely cynical already. what if we just ignored canon for a bit#and focused on making his relationships a bit more fucked up. especially involving samatoki#sasaras drawn to him because samatoki fills the void that rosho left him. hes just smth he needs at the moment#but w my wonderful vision what if he grew tired of this fake. what if he had enough. hes not rosho he will never be#hes served his purpouse. but now sasaras stuck. in the middle of ikebukuro bashing some guys head w a pipe#AND THATS WHEN THE MIC COMES IN BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY#this was also brought to you by the fact that i want to see samatoki suffer. i want to see him at his most pathetic#i want him to come to the realization his best friend left him because he no longer fit his ideal vision#i want ACTUAL FUCKING CONFLICT FOR ONCE THAT ISNT SOLVED BY 'hey man. rappings fun' PLEASE#i want these bitches fucked up and in torment#uhhhh didnt think abt kuko w this au at all. idk yall do what you want w him#hypmic#hi main tag :3#•txt#•hypmic#•idol nonsense
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very sad still see the saria/silence divorce headcanon still going around
have you ever tried to consider that they never dated before lone trail because it would be unrealistic with the timeline and the events and also because it would be overshadowing the actual truth of why they couldn't get along
#i'll elaborate#firstly it's ok if you headcanon this i don't want to invalidate what people think#it's just that I think it's a fanon joke that have been going around for way too long#and I can't help but shed a small tear when I see people really headcanoning it#I personally think it's way more interesting if we consider that they never had something going on before Lone Trail#mostly because it's weird that they started dating in like some months when they barely knew or saw each other#but also because it adds nothing but just makes things even more harder for them#my personal headcanon is that Silence was maybe having feelings for Saria but like#you know these very premature feelings#like just “oh wow she's pretty and nice”#but nothing like really deep#but they never had anything going on before the diabolic crisis#and after lone trail after they made up and saw each other's true person#they start to actually get real feelings#I'm just complaining but I've been still seeing it around somehow and it's sad to me that this joke became a fact for many people#there's still a lot of fanfics about how they had been dating and now they're on bad terms#I think that going on the “they're exes” route is way too easy and actually hides the potential and interesting reason#of why Silence was mad at Saria#it's not because she hates Saria or blame her#it's because she's mad at herself for being so weak#really making them appear as exes just hides this really interesting truth and makes it all seem to be a sad love story#consider that they never had any of this and that this tension between them is because they blame themselves!!#their story is not a love story but above all a story about self love and acceptance#just my two cents enjoy my rambling i go back to bed now#(not putting this in the main tag I don't want to start a war I'm just rambling)
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frankly we need more acknowledgement that sometimes you have an first/early/formative gay kiss or sexual experience and you're like wow that sucked ass maybe i got it wrong but actually sometimes gay dating and kissing and sex just aren't very good. as is true for all dating and kissing and sex. many such cases
#the fandom response to the 911 storylines has included some really interesting narratives about these things#like a lot of gay dating is like a lot of straight dating (just alright)#i had my first kiss and everything with someone i was in love with and it was a good expeirence#*experience#and then when i had my first kiss after that breakup and didn't enjoy it i was like man maybe i'm only into my ex not women generally :/#like no dummy you and that other lady just didn't have chemistry or compatible kissing styles it's fine it's regular#but so much of the narrative we get is that it just Feels Right if the orientation match is workable#and equally some people you date are fine and there's nothing wrong with them and you just don't work well together#it's fine it's regular it's just part of the numbers game#personal nonsense
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WAIT DO U LIKE THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES?? I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR PROFILE AND FOUND THE CEASLESS WATCHER THINGY
I do like tma, however I haven’t listened to it much after this guy kicked the bucket
I like Martin too :]
#I used to listen to it regularly with my dad#haven’t done it in a bit tho#I should get back on that I heard ab a sequel thingy#the Magnus protocol I think it’s called?#I’m interested definitely but i find focusing on podcasts hard#the statements are so cool tho omg#personally I LOVE corruption and flesh episodes#they r just like me fr#my favorite episode is binary#eating my computer munch munch munch and all#terrifying series! I love it#cw eyestrain#eyestrain cw#eyestrain#the magnus archives#tma micheal distortion#fembojlover3000#.exe#.png#tma
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jfc even i don't trauma dump before the second date
#personal#this boy has immediately lost my interest#like shut the fuck up about your ex#he's not my problem
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grabbing fistfuls of my own hair rocking back and forth repeating to myself like some kind of fucked up wizardly enchantment you should care about womens sports because its literally the same fucking sport why do i have to bend over backwards to convince you to care about womens sports like at an abstract level it is the exact same fucking thing and yet you cannot bear to possibly watch it unless you think the women are hot or there is some sort of social gain why is it so hard for you to care about womens sports when they are literally doing all of it better than the men
#i stand by my belief that womens sports are more entertaining anyways but i know that is somewhat personal preferences so ok! fine!#but they are the same then!#obviously yes there are legit differences in ~style~ and such based on the way different sports have evolved#ex: female basketballers are statistically better shooters than male basketballers#but like the sport itself is practically identical so why is it so fucking impossible for some people#to get interested in a sport they claim they love#just because women are doing it#i'm not sitting here like 'mmm how do i convince people to watch women's sport' like a legit plot#i'm just baffled i really don't understand#i mean i do understand of course but i'm just tired of it being this way lol#i want to talk to more people who have the level of brainrot i have about women's sports and it feels like everyone i know well#is just not that interested in the women even though they're interested in the men#of course there are people online but i get self-conscious and i don't know anyone well enough to truly go to the depths of my own brainrot#this is just a combination of genuine frustration but also my own loneliness lol#< wayyy more dramatic than it actually is for the record i'm not like lonely lonely#i just want someone who actually understands why i go nuts over this and who i feel comfortable spamming about it 😭#blah blah blah words
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Siri search for “characters who were raised a way that never felt right and they always thought it was their fault until they realized the world isn’t what they were taught it to be and they’re suddenly filled with an intense, deep-seated hatred for the system they were forced to live in and actively contributed to and dedicate their lives to undoing the damage the system has done all while never feeling like they quite deserve the peace they found after the dust settled”
#I’ve been thinking about that post asking about a person’s favorite characters#and I’ve just realized a HUGE factor in mine LMFAO#Gordo? Gavin? Jason? Zuko? Kent? ZAGREUS??#I would say Bakugo but he’s different. he decided fuck the system not for how it raised him but for how it razed his best friend#I want to have other examples but my brain has decided to forget every character ever#and it’s not just characters that rebel or turn against tyranny y’know#like characters where it CONSUMES them.#Katniss Everdeen.#they have to have that rage. that anger.#the DISGUST.#y’know?#okay so I know Jason and Kent never canonically have that moment where they see just how fucked everything was#the screen time to y’know#like if Jason hadn’t been killed he would’ve seen the abuse he endured#if Kent had been more than an antagonistic ex love interest in OMGCP he couldve had really good insight into how fucked growing up queer in#hockey was#like that moment in the bar where they’re watching Jack and Bitty kiss#that moment. that’s the rage#that’s where it starts#‘why can they have it and I can’t?’#which grows into ‘I should’ve fucking had that and they took it from me’#to ‘I will rip this apart with my bare hands until nothing but dust remains’
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Janeway in 'Nothing Human' vs Tuvok in 'Resolutions' There's something here I know there is I can almost wrap my teeth around it.
#I can't watch Nothing Human bc the puppet really disconcerts me#but I cannot believe Janeway really came into B'Elanna's room after all that and the FIRST thing she says...her OPENER is#'Wow it smells awful in here~!'#DUDE....................TIME AND PLACE#HEHEHHE#C'MON MAN#B'Elanna: Is [putting it behind us] an order? / Janeway [normal!]: Yes.#'And what emotion is that?' C'MON MAN!!!!!!#Janeway & Tuvok#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#I can see why she and Tuvok are friends#'I understand you're upset but fall in line'#You can be upset but not if effects your work#<- Something which would be fine on a regular ship but is very difficult on Voyager#I think Janeway's certain coldness or ruthlessness which can be aimed at either friend or foe is an interesting#aspect of her personality#Ex: She and B'Elanna COULD have feasibly had a more touching scene together to close out the episode but they don't#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well right now I'm a bit ill and more than a bit tired#Something about uhh maybe....people under their command vehemently and emotionally disagreeing with them/their decisions??#you can disagree with me but not if you don't follow me anyway#Voyager a ship full of contradictions#they have to all work together and they are all closer emotionally than any other starship due to their situation#but they are also still 'at work' and are expected to follow orders. It's like a 'casual' hierarchy but it's still a hierarchy#and you can't fall too far out of line bc you're someone dear to me#but you're also a valued cog in the machine#and even though you ARE valued you ARE still a cog in the machine#but you're also my dear friend. and all of these things are true at once.#all of that of course but also Janeway & Tuvok are displaying a very particular kind of shared leadership style in these moments#Janeway is obviously on the whole MUUUCH more charismatic and understanding than Tuvok but still - when push comes to shove...
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an edek themed collage 🪲
#not me posting this just to have an excuse to talk about him more aaahahhhah#i've created edek approx 4 years ago and since then he went through little to no design changes#he is jus flawless. perfect#his personality however.. oof#i mean !!! he's not a bad guy#as i mentioned before he's very friendly and open to new people and opportunities#its just. he was based on my (now) ex best friend#me and that friend were close during primary school and despite me moving cities we managed to keep this friendship going#but you know. it wasnt the same. it became long distance#and i think i manifested my longing by creating an oc that was based on his aesthetics and personality#it took me some time to realise that i've been viewing this friend through lens of this oc. that of course lead to idealisation#because he wasn't physically there with me i created an imaginary version of him in my head#it was also because at this point we were getting older and slowly growing apart#and i think i wanted to grasp a little part of him that would still understand me#edek's relationship with ryba was also heavily influenced by this relationship#and. well. the things that my ex friend and edek have in common are short temper (despite acting chill) and trouble showing affection#he also tends to say things faster than he can even think them through#oh and he enjoys long walks through the woods and mountain hiking and bicycling and bugs and mushrooms and. yeah#and the other traits!!!!#he is suuuuuuper protective of his loved ones especially his younger sister irenka#his interest include everything thats fantasy and with folklore themes#hes also a stoner lol#aaand a funfact - he and zbyszek (of dycha za zbycha!!!!) used to be friends in childhood but they aren't friends as of now#why you might ask? from edek's pov zbyszek and his family just randomly disappeared#and edek was the only one that wasn't in on the fact that they have moved to the usa#edek wondered why his best friend at that time didn't tell him such important news#and often thought that there mustve been something wrong with him or zbyszek didn't actually like him that much#this incident heeeavily influenced his perception of relationships in the future#OH AND ALSOO hes an artist he graduated art hs with a degree in graphic design and is in college for the same thing#original character
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tbh my most prevalent autism special interest a lot of them time. is music. but not even csh or depeche mode or anything that i listen to that will get me transgender sloppy or even cis girl autismchasers. i just look either too mainstream or too faggy abt gaga and dorian electra 😞
#i mean did technically pull my two exes w knowing abt. lemon demon and csh. respectively#like i remember talking w him once and he was like#yeah i found u super annoying at firstbut when u said u liked lemon demon i was like. maybe i can tolerate u a lil#second person just thought it was fuuny i listed csh in my interests on a profile#because they thought i was talking abt actual car seat headrests#im joking btw i do not curatethe interests i like fr other ppl. anymore.....................#used to when i only was around ppl who barely tolerated me.#my posts
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