#but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion

[thankskenpenders]

Thoughts on Sonic 3!

On December 10th, 2018, I was on the last day of a trip to Milwaukee. The night before, I'd attended the wedding of one of my best friends, Jake, who I've known since high school. Even though half of us were sick the whole trip, it was a great time. Derek had asked the wedding DJ to play "One Week" as the first request of the night, and proceeded to lip sync the entire song on the dance floor. On that cold winter morning in a hotel room hundreds of miles from home, Derek and I groggily checked Twitter on our phones and saw the shocking news: Paramount had teased the design for Sonic from their upcoming live action film. Even in silhouette, the shape of his face and the realistic curvature of his limbs made him look like a grotesque little homunculus. This movie was going to suck.

Six years later, I've now seen the third entry in what's become a hugely successful Sonic film franchise. It features Keanu Reeves as the voice of Shadow the Hedgehog in a fairly faithful adaptation of his story from Sonic Adventure 2. At the time of writing, it currently sits at a whopping 86% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes, vying for the title of the best-reviewed theatrically released video game movie of all time. Critics are saying nice things about the emotional journey of Shadow the Hedgehog. Never in a million years did I think I'd see this day.

I, too, have now seen this movie, and... yeah, it's pretty good.

I'm gonna get deep into spoilers here, so I'll just say up front that I liked the movie. It feels like just about the best possible execution of this version of Sonic. But that's also damning it with faint praise, depending on who you ask.

If you're a fan of the games who didn't like the second movie, you probably won't get much out of this one, either, unless you just really love Shadow so much that nothing else in the movie matters to you. It doesn't reinvent the wheel for this film series. It's still got a heaping helping of broad comedy, cheap pop culture references, bad one-liners, and characterization that diverges greatly from the source material. This is not high art, nor is it a direct adaptation of Sonic Adventure 2. If you're the kind of person who hates this portrayal of Sonic and Eggman, or a lore nerd who'll hate that they let Shadow do Chaos Control without an Emerald, then just don't bother with this.

On the other hand, if you did enjoy the last movie, then you'll probably have a fun time here, too. Shadow is very cool. The action is the best it's ever been. There's a bit more focus on characters from the games, and less on human characters invented for the movies—with the exception of Agent Stone, who's in this a lot because everyone likes him. There's a lot of SA2 fanservice. They even play "Live and Learn." It's a fun time! Be sure to stick around through the end credits.

And now, to dig deeper, let's get into the spoilers! I'm gonna jump around a lot and talk about different aspects of the movie, spoiling everything along the way.

Shadow and his reams of lore

Here's the main thing you came for: Shadow is great in this! They really did him justice. Keanu Reeves is extremely solid in the role. He can be a bit flat as an actor sometimes, but I think he did well here. He can be tough and menacing, but he can also be earnest and emotionally vulnerable. Good casting call. Excited at the prospect of seeing more of him in the future.

Really, as a Sonic Lore Nerd I'm most interested in discussing the changes they made to Shadow's backstory. I'm sure there will be many fans upset with the changes, but for the sake of streamlining a complicated backstory that was subject to a bunch of retcons and multiple layers of amnesia and fitting it into a 110-minute movie, I think they generally made smart choices.

For one, Gerald didn't create Shadow using Black Arms DNA, because Gerald didn't create Shadow at all! Instead, Shadow arrived on Earth inside a meteor, and Gerald was merely the prominent GUN scientist who studied him after he was captured. (That meteor does have very strong Black Arms vibes, though, so I wouldn't rule out the possibility of them exploring that stuff in the future.) This simplifies things a lot and allows Shadow to be a direct foil for Sonic, kind of a version of our hero who was treated as a lab rat and lost the only human he considered family instead of finding happiness like Sonic has. Then later Shadow hurts Tom and Sonic wants revenge, and it mirrors Shadow's feelings about Maria, and after they fight they can empathize with each other over this, Shadow sees the error of his ways and helps save the world, yada yada yada. You get it. People predicted 95% of this movie's plot from the trailers, but it's effective.

Likewise, all of the stuff about creating Shadow as the ultimate life form who's immune to all disease to cure Maria's illness is completely cut out. Shadow's still called the ultimate life form, but he's treated as more of an energy source than a genetic research project here, playing off of the stuff about Eggman wanting to harness Sonic's natural Chaos Energy in the movies. The original intent behind the ultimate life form project was always hard to explain in the games and doesn't even come up that much, so I don't blame them for cutting it.

Because Gerald isn't doing genetic experiments and creating artificial life, the Biolizard also doesn't exist. It does, however, appear in an old monster movie Shadow and Maria watch in a montage, with Shadow later commenting that he worries he's a monster like the one he saw in the movie. That's a clever way to include it, I think.

The ARK sort of exists. There was no space colony back in the '70s, all of the events of Shadow's flashbacks just took place at a secret GUN base on Earth. Fair enough for a version of the story ostensibly set in the real world. The big space laser in the third act of the film is obviously supposed to evoke the ARK, but it's referred to as simply the Eclipse Cannon. It's still not a full-blown space colony, just a weapon of mass destruction Gerald designed for GUN in exchange for his release (while also secretly planning to use it to blow up the planet in an act of revenge). I am, however, pleased to report that the Eclipse Cannon still has a giant Eggman face on it.

And as for Maria: I like her in this! She's obviously not going to get a ton of screentime, and she's always going to be a very straightforward character, but she's more playful and lively here. She teases Shadow for being grumpy and plays with him a lot. She feels less like this perfect embodiment of everything good and pure in the world and more like an actual kid. She's still not a complex character, but it works.

And the most important question: do they show a child getting shot and killed by the military? The answer is almost. In the flashback, GUN soldiers chase Maria, Shadow, and Gerald and ready their guns, but the young Commander Walters (who's in his 20s rather than being a kid) grabs them and tries to stop them from firing on a child. In the chaos, a soldier fires, missing Maria but hitting a generator that then blows up and kills Maria. So, y'know, close enough I suppose.

So, yes, many of the details change here, but they captured the gist of Shadow's story from SA2. The emotional core is there. I will say, though, I almost feel like Shadow isn't in this movie as much as I thought he'd be? I think he's used effectively in all of his scenes, and they make room for his backstory, and BOY does he get to kick ass in his fights, but for much of the middle part of the movie he's overshadowed by Ivo and Gerald. Though this might be a compromise to leave more screentime for...

Tails and Knuckles

I'm relieved to report that Tails and Knuckles both get a good amount of cool stuff to do in this! They don't feel like an afterthought.

I was worried that Tails in particular would completely fall by the wayside, since even his debut movie didn't entirely know what to do with him. But he's good here. He pretty much just feels like the Tails from the games at this point, especially since they dropped that fawning admiration he had for Sonic with that running gag of him going "Only Sonic the Hedgehog could do that!" He often chimes in as the one who wants Team Sonic to stick together when Sonic and Knuckles bicker. He particularly gets to shine in the Mission Impossible-inspired heist sequence at the GUN headquarters in London that serves as the climax of the second act, which feels like it was tailor made to let him shine as the tech guy of the team. He also gets several opportunities to swoop in and catch someone for a save in an action scene. He's good in this!

Knuckles is... fine. He's definitely fallen into the role of the comic relief dumb bruiser since joining the good guys, but he's at least a little better than he was in his own streaming show. The jokes lean more into him just being really brash about his strength and skill, rather than him being this archaic warrior who doesn't understand anything about the modern world. He also gets a few more serious bits in the back third of the movie where he gets to shine a little more, so overall it evens out to him being fine. They could've done way worse.

As for the relevance of the Knuckles show: Knuckles is now said to be the guardian of the Master Emerald, like in the games, though with no Angel Island this amounts to him hiding it somewhere for safekeeping. It's eventually revealed that he just gave it to Wade, who gets exactly one scene (sorry, Wade-heads) for a joke about him using the Master Emerald as a hockey puck. So, the miniseries explained why Knuckles has a connection with Wade. That's it! Also I think Knuckles might use the Flames of Disaster a bit in fights, but they never called the technique out by name, so I never really thought about it. So, yeah, the six-episode streaming miniseries about Wade bowling has zero meaningful relevance to the Shadow movie. Who could have seen this coming?

Miscellaneous humans

For that matter, the human supporting cast is MASSIVELY downplayed in this one. Tom and Maddie are there for two key sequences (the beginning of the movie and the GUN HQ heist), but otherwise they disappear for long stretches of the movie. They don't go to Japan in act I, nor do they go to space in act III, and there's no subplot for them during those periods, either. There's nothing like the wedding subplot in Sonic 2 where they'd constantly cut back to Hawaii for comic relief with the humans and only reveal why this was relevant to the plot near the end. (There's also no random dance battle in Siberia.) If a human character is here, it's because they have something to contribute to the plot right away. Most people will probably consider this an improvement, and I'd certainly say it makes for a much tighter script, though I have to remind everyone that I thought the wedding being a GUN sting operation was such a funny twist that I'm a defender of the Hawaii subplot.

On the subject of Tom, something funny I've noticed is that they've just completely downplayed the fact that Tom and Wade are cops. Tom being a cop never comes up once. Wade being a cop only gets referenced via the fact that he's practicing hockey on the roof of the police station in his one scene, but he's not in uniform or anything. They clearly got the memo that we don't want Sonic to hang out with cops.

Here's something else funny: Rachel and Randall got character posters, but they're actually not in the movie! Not technically, anyway. During the heist sequence at GUN HQ, Tom and Maddie use some gadgets Tails invented to holographically disguise themselves as those other characters. But the real Rachel and Randall never show up in the flesh. It's a very odd way to shoehorn the actors into the movie. (Jojo is also absent. They did not give her Amy's role of being the girl who reminds Shadow of Maria. Instead they just let Sonic have the big heart to heart with Shadow that makes him switch sides.)

You know who IS in this movie? Krysten Ritter. Not as the voice of Rouge, as the fandom once hoped, but as a director for GUN. She gets like three scenes and she feels completely checked out the whole time. Can't say I blame her! She's not really a character, just a plot necessity. Commander Walters dies in Japan but gives Sonic one of two keycards needed to activate the Eclipse Cannon, and then Ritter's character assumes Sonic stole it and labels him a bad guy. So that's why they have to break into GUN HQ in the second act instead of just talking things out with them. Still, I am at least relieved that Sonic doesn't work with GUN for most of the movie.

I gotta be honest: when Walters pulled a credit card-shaped object out of his pocket, I thought he was about to give Sonic another Olive Garden gift card as his final act before dying. Part of me wishes that happened.

The supporting human character in this who really gets to shine is Agent Stone, which I'm sure most fans will agree was the correct choice. There's a LOT of Agent Stone in this. He's good. I don't have much to say about him, but he's fun as usual.

But, of course, the ones who steal the show are Jim Carrey, and his costar Jim Carrey.

The Robotniks

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I can actually see movie Robotnik as Robotnik. I think with this third and final entry in the Jim Carrey Robotnik Trilogy, I've landed on... yeah, that's just Jim Carrey playing a Jim Carrey character. He's absolutely having fun with the role, and I enjoyed watching him, but I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that I'm a millennial who grew up watching Jim Carrey movies. If you didn't like him before, this movie will probably be nails on a chalkboard to you, because now there are two of him.

Ivo's arc here leans very heavily into the fact that he grew up as an orphan and never knew his family, a thing offhandedly mentioned in the first movie that's never been a thing for any other version of the character. Here, he learns that he has a living grandfather who's also a mad scientist, and it feels like a hole in his heart has been filled. It certainly makes sense for a place to take this version of the character, and it fits with the movie's themes of finding and losing family, but the cartoonish, childlike affection Ivo feels towards Gerald and all the scenes of them frolicking and dancing together have basically nothing to do with the characters from the games. He's a fun villain for this movie, but he's overwhelmingly used as comic relief this time rather than as a serious threat. He doesn't particularly feel like Sega's Dr. Ivo Robotnik, the arch nemesis of Sonic the Hedgehog who'd take over the world with an army of robots and a fleet of airships in the span of a day if Sonic wasn't around to stop him. He's a guy who lives in a big crab robot and has some drones. He has more in common with Carrey's depictions of the Grinch or the Riddler or Count Olaf than Dr. Eggman. Though he does, at least, finally get his outfit from the games by the end of the movie. So that's something. And also he's in a fat suit now. They only make jokes at the expense of his weight a little. Hooray...?

Gerald, meanwhile, is... largely the same character as movie Eggman, but older, so they can make jokes about him having saggy flesh and smelling funny and needing dentures. (Also, his voice kind of sounds like Homer Simpson sometimes?) To his credit, Carrey absolutely nails the handful of more serious scenes Gerald gets, whether it's Maria's death or his sinister turn when he reveals that he actually wants to destroy the Earth. But then it's right back to goofs about there being two of the same guy. Even the final battle features a lot of slapstick shenanigans with the two Robotniks fighting each other. I was able to enjoy the absurdity of it all, but if the humor doesn't land for you the dual Jim Carrey schtick is a hell of a lot of the movie. I wouldn't be surprised if there was more Gerald than Shadow in the movie, when you go and tally up their screentime. I was able to enjoy the sheer absurdity of it, but your mileage will vary.

I will, however, say that the split screen stuff they do with the two Carreys is EXTREMELY impressive, from a filmmaking perspective. They were absolutely flexing with their ability to pull the effect off. They don't rely on cheap tricks like cutting a lot, or having shot/reverse shot scenes where you're looking at the back of a body double's head. Instead they have a lot of long takes where the two Robotniks are talking to each other, you can see both of their faces, and they'll even hug and touch each other a lot, and the whole time the conversation maintains a natural pace like it really is two actors playing off of each other. It's really well done. It's an incredibly silly idea, but boy did they commit to it.

Sonic

I've hardly said anything about Sonic himself in all of this. It's his movie, isn't it! Well... I don't know, he's fine.

I feel like movie Sonic is a known quantity at this point, and either you like this take on the character or you don't. There was some speculation early on that this was supposed to be a younger Sonic who would grow into being the character we know from the games and comics, the one who's still got lots of quips but is also kind of aloof and cool, a free spirit who goes where the wind takes him, a figure the other characters look up to. And... no, that didn't happen. Once again he gets more serious as the stakes are raised, and he's totally badass when he goes Super, but the rest of the time he's still a little goober with tons of generic one-liners who learns schmaltzy lessons about the importance of family. He's still constantly going to undercut the tension of most scenes by cracking a pop culture reference that will make the average American parent go "haha I've heard of that." I don't think they're ever gonna change that. I think this just what the writers think Sonic is like.

And, again, for what it is, it's fine. He's a little annoying. You already know how you feel about movie Sonic. This third entry won't change that. But they do, at least, have him say "Talk about low budget flights, no food or movies... I'm outta here!" before jumping out of a helicopter. As my thoughts on the climax will show, I am not immune to fanservice.

The climax

God, the climax is SOOOOO fucking good. It's fantastic. Easily the best action these movies have ever done.

Rather than saving Super Shadow for the team-up with Sonic at the end, they have both of them go Super to fight each other first, and they just go full DBZ with it, fighting across the entire planet. It absolutely rules. I think this is the new coolest fight the two of them have had in anything ever. And then they have to stop the Eclipse Cannon together, and sure, there's no Biolizard. But Gerald DOES release a swarm of GUN Hunter robots, and the ensuing space battle turns into some Gundam shit. It's good! It's so good!!! The movie's flaws kind of melt away for me here when I'm watching Super Shadow take out an army of robots with Chaos Spears on the big screen. What a timeline we're living in.

And yes, they play "Live and Learn." They had to. They knew the assignment. They actually play a slight remix, but it's still got the original vocals, so it's perfectly recognizable. Actually, the tune of the song is used as a leitmotif for Shadow throughout the movie, first introduced via an acoustic guitar version played by Maria, and I really love that. I've been begging these movies to use more music from the games the whole time, and I'm glad they finally did so here. (They also use the traditional level clear jingle early in the film, and Eggman's theme from SA2 is very briefly used as a ringtone.)

... Anyway, uh, meanwhile Eggman, Tails, and Knuckles straight up just kill Gerald to save the world? They unceremoniously knock him into an energy field at the end of their slapstick fight aboard the Eclipse Cannon and he disintegrates like he hit a bugzapper. It's over in an instant. It's not graphic or anything, but it's, like... I didn't expect them to show it, or for it to be such a casual murder! Eggman has one quip about it and then immediately moves on.

Shortly after this, Eggman and Shadow sacrifice themselves to stop the Eclipse Cannon. Shadow's sacrifice doesn't stick, obviously (he's revealed to be alive by the end of the second stinger—pretend to be shocked), but Eggman's probably dead dead. I seriously doubt Jim Carrey's gonna come out of retirement for these movies again. His final moments before the big explosion are also SO dragged out and belabored. He has a dramatic final line like ten times in a row. It really just feels like the series saying goodbye to Carrey. And, again, it feels like a fitting enough end for this Eggman's arc, but it's an odd adaptation of the character from the games.

And so, that's what we're left with. This is far from Sonic Adventure 2: The Movie. It's not that, though there are many, many references made to that game in particular. It's a sequel to the film Sonic the Hedgehog 2 that has a similar tone and style, but Shadow and Gerald are in it, and Shadow gets some really cool fights, and there's a liiiiiittle more focus on stuff from the games than last time, and the script's a little tighter. If that sounds fun to you, you will have fun with this. I know I did. If it doesn't, you're probably better off waiting for them to inevitably do an animated reboot whenever this live action series runs out of steam.

It hasn't quite run out of steam yet, though...

The post-credits scenes, and the future

One of the big questions going into this was: what's next? How do they top a Shadow movie with heavy Sonic Adventure 2 overtones, in terms of hype for the fans? How do you fill Eggman's shoes after Carrey retires, for real this time? There are still more fan favorite rival characters to get through, but how many movies in a row can they introduce a furry foe for Sonic who inevitably turns good and helps him stop a larger threat by the end? And when the hell are we gonna see the girls?

Well, we now have our answer, and it's one I'm cautiously excited for: a whole army of Metal Sonics, and Amy!

Yes, Amy! Finally!! It's an absolute crime that we've gone three whole movies and a streaming miniseries without including the female lead of the series. I've complained about this ad nauseum (and also the fact that they cut Rouge from the story). But at least now they're finally doing something about it.

But now the question is, how will they characterize Amy? Sega's struggled with her for years, and there's a million different directions you can take her. Her one scene here has her smashing a bunch of Metal Sonics and wearing a cloak for the sake of a dramatic reveal, which gives her the vibes of a mysterious, badass action girl. This is, of course, completely different from how Sonic and Amy met in the games. What will her personality be like? She doesn't speak here, so who will they get to play her? Where did she come from? Will she even have a crush on Sonic? All of these have yet to be determined. So, like, I'm hyped to finally see Amy, a character who should've been in the movies from the start, but they could so easily end up playing it safe with an incredibly boring girlboss version of Amy who's no fun at all. We'll have to wait and see.

(My prediction: they're going to try to cast either Zendaya or Ariana as Amy.)

Metal Sonic, likewise, is very exciting, and he looks perfect. He looks just like the design from the games. But the question is: what will they do with this army of Metals? Will they be lead by one main Metal Sonic, perhaps Neo Metal Sonic, who gets to be a proper bad guy? Will they take some cues from Sonic CD, Heroes, and the OVA, or do something completely original? Where did they come from? Were they activated as a failsafe after Eggman died? Did they and Amy come from some sort of bad future, riffing on Sonic CD's time travel? Will they explore the fact that Metal wants to be the one and only Sonic? Or will they just be an army of disposable robot grunts for Sonic and friends to mow down like it's a Dynasty Warriors game, while some other villain takes center stage?

It could go so many different ways, and some prospects are more exciting than others. I mean, the Knuckles show had endless possibilities for what it could do with him, and none of the options on my bingo card were "Pachacamac's ghost tells him to help Wade win a bowling tournament." And while I'm a sicko who thinks it's funny that the Knuckles show is what it is, forgive me for keeping my hype about Amy and Metal Sonic in check here until we learn more.

Regardless of what they do, it'll still be hard to top the hype of Shadow, and it'll be hard to fill Jim Carrey's shoes for general audiences. So despite this clear statement of intent, I have no idea what the future of this film franchise holds. But regardless of what they do, I can say one thing for certain: the kids in my theater were hyped as hell for it. They popped off over Metal Sonic, and they were screaming their heads off with excitement over Amy. I heard a teenage girl on the opposite end of my row of seats say "finally!" over Amy's reveal, verbalizing my exact thoughts. She also said that this movie was "peak," though it diverged from the games, and she hoped they'd do a movie with Silver and Blaze someday.

The kids are gonna be okay.

[chancloud8]

CHAPTER 1

series masterlist

Pairing: OT8 x reader

Word Count: 3,9k

Tags: Intro, bodyguard!ot8, idol!reader

Summery: Meeting your new bodyguards doesn't go as smoothly as everyone hoped..

‘I don’t need a group of bodyguards,’ you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. 

Your manager Yoona doesn’t even look at you anymore and you fight the urge to stamp your feet like a little child to get her attention. You won’t stoop that low though, so instead you place your hands on your hips and glare at the woman who’s been by your side since you debuted about two years ago. 

‘We’re not having this discussion again, y/n,’ Yoona says, her eyes still fixed on her phone screen. ‘Your popularity is growing by the day, you’ve received multiple death threats in the last few months and in case you forgot, last week someone tried to break into your home.’ 

Your shoulders deflate and your hands fall down beside your body. You can’t really argue with that, but you’ve grown so accustomed to having Faris at your side as your one and only bodyguard, that the thought of eight men taking his place makes you shiver. Who the hell needed eight freaking bodyguards? You weren’t a princess for fuck’s sake. 

Yoona finally looks at you then. ‘It’s very important to us to keep you safe, darling. I know it will be an adjustment, but you’ll get used to it.’ 

‘But eight?’ you argue, trying once more. ‘Do I really need eight men following my every move?’ 

‘That’s why we’re placing some of them around you with other jobs as well, kind of like undercover bodyguards,’ Yoona smiles at you like that makes it any better. 

You slump down in the chair across from Yoona and frown at her. What could bodyguards possibly go undercover as in your team? Woman, sure, no problem, but a muscled man? They’d stand out immediately. 

‘What do you mean?’ you ask carefully, not sure if you even want to know. 

‘They all have multiple skill sets, but we decided on adding three of them as your dancers and one will probably step in as a personal assistant of sorts,’ Yoona explains, her eyes once more on her phone screen. 

‘Why?’ you blurt out. ‘I don’t even need new dancers? We’re not firing anyone are we?’ 

You were perfectly happy with your team as it was and it would kill you to let any of them go because Yoona decided you needed eight freaking men to watch you. 

Yoona sighed and put down her phone. ‘We’re not firing anyone, but Dohyun is still recovering from his injury and Ju-won has asked for a few months off to visit his family. As for why, it will allow them to be around you more casually.’ 

Damnit. That actually made sense. 

‘And you’re sure they can dance?’ you ask, already knowing the answer. Yoona would never suggest something like this if they couldn’t. 

‘Yes, y/n, they can dance. I think you’ll be impressed actually.’ 

That makes you curious. Yoona isn’t easily impressed, so if she thinks you’ll approve, they must be good. Maybe you should give them a chance, or just be such a brat they run away screaming. 

‘Fine,’ you sigh. ‘When will I meet them?’ 

Yoona looks at her watch and your eyes widen at the movement. She wouldn’t do this to you, would she? 

‘They’ll be here in an hour to meet you,’ Yoona says and you let out a relieved breath. ‘You better be back here by then or I will let one of them drag you here by your ear.’ 

‘Bossy much,’ you whisper, but you don’t really mean it. You luckily have a very good relationship with your manager and even though she drives you up a wall sometimes, you know she has your best interest at heart. 

Yoona rolls her eyes at you and waves her hand at the door. ‘Go be bratty somewhere else, I’ll see you in an hour.’ 

You bark out a laugh and jump up from the chair. ‘As you wish, my Queen,’ you say, doing a little courtesy. 

Your current bodyguard Faris is waiting for you in the hallway, a smile on his handsome face as he spots you. 

‘Good talk?’ he asks, following one step behind you. 

‘You knew about this, didn’t you?’ you ask, glaring at him over your shoulder. 

‘I’m the one who recommended them actually,’ Faris says and only his quick reflexes stop him from walking straight into your back as you stop walking immediately at his words. 

‘What?’ you turn around to frown at him. ‘Why would you do that to me?’ 

Faris raises his eyebrows and stares down at you with a knowing look, his arms crossing over his chest. 

‘Fine,’ you roll your eyes at him. ‘I know why, Yoona was so kind to remind me, but I still don’t get why it has to be eight.’ 

‘It might seem excessive to you Nabi,’ Faris says, addressing you with your stage name which he knows usually softens you. ‘But you don’t see all that we see and trust me when I say that once you’re on tour, you’ll be happy to have them by your side. It gets crazy out there.’ 

‘I know that, but undercover bodyguards?’ you make a face. ‘I’m not royalty.’ 

Faris chuckles and with a gentle push on your shoulder, he guides you further through the hallway and towards the studio you were working at before Yoona called you to her office. It was one of the things you really liked about your agency. Nearly everything you needed was in the same building. 

‘You may as well be and I trust Chan and his guys to keep you safe,’ Faris says as he holds a door open for you. 

‘So you really know them?’ you ask, sitting down at the desk you were working at before. Your laptop is still open on the editing program you work with and there are multiple notebooks, paper coffee cups and empty candy wrappers spread all around it. ‘Did you work with them before?’ 

‘I trained 3RACHA actually,’ Faris nods. ‘Chan and I had multiple gigs together after that and I’ve only heard good things about the others as well. I’m confident I’m leaving you in good hands.’ 

‘You shouldn’t be leaving me at all,’ you groan, throwing your head back against your chair. ‘But I understand and I hope that when I have a husband one day, he'll do the same for me.’ 

Faris just smiles at that and gets comfortable on the couch facing the door. He knows better than to get into this conversation with you again. Last time you ended up facetiming his wife in tears and he ended up having to calm down two crying women. 

‘Wait, did you just say sriracha?’ you sit up in your chair when your brain suddenly realizes what he had just said. ‘As in the hot sauce?’

‘No, I said 3RACHA, that’s what they called themselves back then,’ Faris replies, glancing at you. ‘I think they made music together in their free time, before they started their own company.’ 

Huh. Interesting. Why on earth would they go from making music together to becoming bodyguards? 

‘So all eight of them made music together?’ you ask curiously. 

‘No, just Chan, Jisung and Changbin. I think they mostly rapped, but if you’re interested in knowing more, you can always ask. It could break the ice when you meet them,’ Faris suggests, winking at you. 

‘I’ll pass, I don’t want them to think I’m happy about this arrangement,’ you murmur, turning your chair so your back is to Faris. ‘Will you tell me when it’s time to go?’ 

‘Don’t I always?’ he chuckles. 

You flip him off without looking and put on your headphones. Time to edit some more music. 

****

You’re so engrossed in your music, that it takes Faris multiple tries to get you to put down your headphones. He even goes as far as opening the blinds to let the light in, making you whimper and flinch by the intrusion of it. 

‘Alright, alright,’ you yell, your eyes scrunched close. ‘I beg for mercy, I’ll come with you.’ 

Faris laughs and closes the blinds, once again developing the room in darkness, just how you like it. He has scolded you many times before about how bad it is for your eyes to squint at your screen in a dark room, but you rarely listen to him about it. 

‘If you think about telling my new watch dogs this trick of yours, I’ll haunt you,’ you warn Faris when the two of you walk towards Yoona’s office. 

Faris makes a movement with his hands as if he’s zipping his lips closed and you nod happily at him, trusting him to keep his word. 

‘How late are we?’ you ask, having forgotten your phone in the studio when Faris basically dragged you out by your arm. 

‘About five minutes too early,’ he smiles proudly. 

Of fucking course. He’s been working with you for two years so he knows all your annoying traits by now, including having a habit of being late because you simply forget the time when you’re working. 

‘What will I do without you,’ you pout at him, ignoring the nervous butterflies in your stomach as you near Yoona’s office. 

‘You’ll be just fine, Nabi,’ Faris says and you’re not sure if he means it as a reply to what you just said or as a reassurance before meeting your new team of bodyguards. 

Taking a deep breath, you turn towards Faris. ‘How do I look?’ 

‘I thought you didn’t care?’ he grins, but he reaches out to flatten a few wild strands of your hair. 

You blow him a kiss, put on a straight face and turn around to knock on the door before pushing it open. The first thing you’re greeted with is the silhouette of 4 men standing with their back to you. Each of them have broad muscular shoulders that are clearly visible under the black suit jacket they’re wearing, the fabric straining like they’re wearing a size too small. 

The man on the right turns around when you enter and you nearly gasp at his beauty. His hair is styled to show a little v of his forehead and the black strands nearly reach his eyes. Jesus. He could be a model if he wanted too. He raises his eyebrows at you when you just stare at him for a moment, before he nudges the man next to him. 

‘Are you fucking kidding me,’ you mutter under your breathe when the other man turns around and piercing eyes meet yours. 

Of course he’s beautiful as well. What the hell was Yoona thinking? 

‘Ah, Y/N, there you are,’ Yoona says when she notices you. ‘On time, even.’ 

You roll your eyes and stroll forward to her desk, ignoring the four men as you make your way around them. In that little moment you forget there’s supposed to be more of them and when you turn to stand next to Yoona and see the chairs in front of her desk filled with four more gorgeous men, you nearly stumble. 

Yoona grins at you and you narrow your eyes at the woman. 

‘You think this is funny, don’t you?’ you grumble at her. ‘Where did you even find them? heaven?’ 

One of the men snorts before trying to cover it up with a cough. 

‘Don’t mind her gentleman, she’s in a mood today,’ Yoona smiles. 

‘I wonder why,’ you mutter, sending a fake smile in the direction of the bodyguards. 

‘That’s alright, it must be a lot to take in,’ one of them says with such a deep voice that your eyes widen. 

It must look comical, cause the same man that snorted earlier, lets out a giggle. ‘Don’t worry, Miss, it’s how everyone reacts to first hearing Felix’s voice,’ 

You want to focus on him calling you Miss, but the urge to see which face belongs to the deep voice is stronger.

‘Who’s Felix?’ you ask, your eyes searching the men in front of you. 

‘I am,’ the only blonde man of the group says, lifting his hand to show you where he is. He’s absolutely stunning with freckles sprinkled over his nose and cheeks. 

‘Holy shit, is that your real voice?’ you ask without thinking, slapping your hand in front of your mouth as soon as the words come out. 

He laughs and a few of the other men chuckle as well. 

‘It is, sometimes it gets even deeper,’ he says. 

‘Yeah, Lix actually has like three different voices,’ the man who called you Miss grins. 

It’s getting annoying not to know his name, but you don’t want to ask and seem interested. Luckily one of the men at the back seems to read your mind somehow. 

‘Why don’t we all introduce ourselves, my name is Bang Chan, but you can call me Chan. I’m the leader and head of your security team as of now. So if you experience any problems with our service in any way, I’m the one you can come to.’ 

‘Noted,’ you mumble, ignoring Yoona’s glare at your rudeness. 

So that’s Chan. Faris forgot to mention how beautiful his trainee was and you were so going to punch his arm for that later. 

‘I’m Lee Minho,’ the one with the piercing stare says. ‘I’ll be joining your dance team.’ 

Fuck. Of course he is. 

‘So will I,’ Felix smiles. ‘Lee Felix.’

‘And me, Hwang Hyunjin,’ the man closest to you winks. 

Great. They were absolutely going to kill you. In more ways than one. 

Biting your lip you wait for the last four to introduce themselves and pray to all the gods that Miss guy is going to be your assistant. He already feels like the most easy going out of all eight and if you need to work with one of them closely, you’d rather it be him than anyone else. 

‘Kim Seungmin, I’ll be one of your bodyguards’ the one who noticed you first says, his eyes flicking up and down your body as if he’s calculating how much of a flight risk you are. 

Oh just you wait and see buddy. 

‘I’m Yang Jeongin, but you can call me Innie or Ayen,’ the very cute man in front of Seungmin smiles and you nearly smile back at him. 

Finally the man you’ve been waiting for speaks up. ‘I’m Han Jisung, your new assistant.’ 

You cheer in your head, keeping a straight face as you look at the last man. He’s definitely the most buff of them all, his biceps really testing the fabric of his suit jacket. 

‘And I’m Seo Changbin, also part of your daily bodyguard squad.’ 

‘You’re all way too beautiful to be bodyguards,’ you say, crossing your arms with a frown while tapping your foot on the ground. 

Yoona makes a noise beside you and you don’t dare to look at her. She’ll definitely lecture you later, but this is all on her anyways. 

‘Worried your fans will fawn over us?’ Jisung jokes, winking at you. 

Your lips tip up in a tiny smile, but you quickly straighten your face. It was going to be hard to be a brat to them, but you were nothing if you weren’t stubborn. You’re not going to just warm up to them because they were hot and funny. Nope. Not going to happen. 

‘More like you’d be too busy worrying about your good looks to protect me,’ you say, raising your eyebrows at them. 

‘Aren’t you a ray of sunshine,’ Minho grumbles, placing his hand on Jisung’s shoulder as if to comfort him. ‘You won’t have to worry about that, looking this good doesn’t cost us much.’

You open your mouth to reply, but Yoona gets up and goes to stand next to you. 

‘That’s enough Y/N,’ she hisses before smiling her million dollar smile to the men. ‘As you can see Y/N hasn’t really warmed up to the idea of having this many eyes on her all the time.’ 

‘Don’t you have that all the time though,’ Seungmin says directly to you. 

You glare at him. ‘That’s not the same. 

He just shrugs. ‘We don’t want anything from you like your fans or stalkers. We’re not here to be your friends, we’re just here to keep you safe. That’s all that should matter.’ 

His words hit you harder than they should and you can’t help but flinch. The idol life isn't great for maintaining friendships and since you weren’t in a group, the only people you really had around you to talk to were your bodyguard Faris, Yoona and your dancers. You didn’t have a best friend, or even really friends in general, not since high school ended. 

‘Min!’ Chan calls out, glaring at the man. 

You square your shoulders and tilt your head, putting another fake smile on your face. ‘It’s fine, he’s right isn’t he.’ 

‘No, he’s not,’ Chan shakes his head. ‘Listen-’ 

‘It’s fine,’ you repeat, interrupting him. ‘How about I’ll show Jisung his office and we can go over the schedule for next week?’ 

Chan frowns down at you, sharing a look with Jisung and Yoona, but then he nods. You give him a nod back in thanks and without looking at any of the other guys you make a beeline for the door, hoping Jisung will follow you. 

‘Well, that went great,’ you hear someone say before you step outside. 

Faris frowns when he sees the look on your face, but he doesn’t say anything and falls into step behind you like he always does. It’s one of the things you love about him, he always knows when to not ask questions. You can hear him and Jisung quietly talking behind you, but you don’t mind, they know each other after all. 

‘Well, here we are,’ you say, opening the door of the small office area next to the studio you usually work at. ‘You can arrange everything how you like and if you need anything you can ask Yoona.’ 

‘I wasn’t expecting an office,’ Jisung smiles at you, stepping inside the room to take a look. 

It’s not much. Just a desk with a comfortable chair and a computer, a two person couch and in the corner there’s a bookcase that so far only houses a cactus, your first three albums and a box with documents your last assistant left behind. 

‘Of course you get an office, can’t have you shacking up with me in the studio,’ you say, trying to joke with him. 

‘Hey, about what Seungmin said,’ Jisung starts, sitting down in his desk chair and twirling around. ‘He’s just very serious about his job, he didn’t really mean the part about us not being your friends.’ 

‘It’s fine,’ you shrug. ‘You’re not really meant to be my friends anyways, you’re hired to protect me.’ 

‘Yeah, you don’t look too happy about that. Why is that?’ Jisung asks and he sounds genuinely curious. ‘I mean, sure we’re a whole lot, but isn’t it nice to know you’ll be safe?’ 

‘Safe? Yes. Watched by eight, I repeat, eight men? No thank you, I don’t need that.’ 

Jisung tilts his head and purses his lips in thought, like he’s actually trying to see this from your side. ‘I get it, I do, I’ve lived with most of them for the last few years and like I said, we can be a lot.’ 

‘But?’ you ask, falling down on the couch in front of Jisung’s new desk. ‘I feel there’s a but there.’ 

‘You really have no idea, do you?’ Jisung leans his chin on his palm as he looks at you. ‘We’ve seen the threats Y/N, we’ve seen the video’s of handsy fans, we’ve seen the footage of that dude trying to break into your house. It’s a miracle really that nothing has happened to you so far with only Faris by your side.’ 

‘He’s right, Nabi,’ Faris says from his spot by the door. 

‘Okay, maybe more than one bodyguard would be better,’ you say slowly. ‘But eight? I still think it’s a bit much, especially the undercover bit.’ 

Jisung shrugs and leans back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. ‘Maybe so, but at least you’ll know you will be safe.’ 

‘I guess,’ you mumble. 

‘Wanna go over the schedule for next week with me?’ Jisung asks. ‘Get your mind off all this for a bit?’ 

You jump up from the couch immediately and walk around the desk to stand next to him while he starts up the computer. 

****

About half an hour later you’re fairly confident Jisung will make a good assistant. He’s written down your interviews and gigs for the coming month and made a list of all the things he wanted to take care of before that. It was cute how he wanted to do it right. 

‘Knock, knock,’ a voice called out from the door and when you looked up you saw Chan and Changbin hugging Faris. 

‘How’s it going here?’ Chan smiles at you as he walks inside, his hands in his pocket. He probably tried to come off less intimidating like that, but it didn’t really work. 

‘Fine,’ you say, looking at the computer screen again. 

If you kept your eyes on him you’d probably drool all over your favorite studio outfit. That man was way too fine. 

‘It’s going great, Channie,’ Jisung says. ‘We’ve been getting along perfectly without the ice kings here.’ 

‘Don’t let them hear you call them that,’ Chan chuckles, moving to sit on the couch. ‘I hope we’ll be able to make this work, Y/N. I take great pride in my work and I’ll do anything I can to make you feel comfortable around us.’ 

Ugh. Why did he have to be so kind too? 

‘Thank you,’ you mutter, your eyes still on the screen. 

‘We’ll promise not to impose your privacy too much when we move in, but–��� 

Your head snaps up to look at him then and from the corner of your eyes you notice Jisung covering his face with his hands. 

‘What did you just say?’ you ask, standing up. ‘Please tell me I didn’t just hear you say the words moving in?’ 

‘Uhm,’ Chan tilts his head in confusion. ‘I thought you knew?’ 

‘Knew. What?’ you growl, your fingers balling up in fists. 

‘Oh boy,’ Jisung whispers and you turn to glare at him. 

‘You knew about this?’ 

‘Uhm, we all did? And we figured so would you,’ he shrugs, looking at you with big innocent eyes. 

You close your eyes, not at all immune to those brown doe eyes. If you keep looking at him you will stop being angry and you can’t do that. Not now. 

‘If somebody doesn’t tell me very soon what exactly this thing I’m supposed to know is, I will scream,’ you clench your jaw and take a shaky breath. 

This can’t be happening. They are not moving into your house with you. Yoona won’t do that to you, not after your talk this morning. Right? You close your eyes in frustration, already knowing the answer to your own question. She will. 

‘Such a drama queen,’ a new voice speaks up from the door and when you turn your head, already seeing red, you see Minho smirking at you. 

Changbin and Faris look concerned and when you look back at Chan, he actually looks like he’s pitying you. Fuck. 

‘Just say it already.’

‘Well, we’re supposed to move into your new house with you,’ Chan says, confirming it. 

Oh hell no. 

a/n: eeeeeeekkk I'm so excited for this series you have no idea!! I wasn't going to upload till tomorrow, but @staylovesmiley made me flip a coin and here I am at midnight, feeding you the first chapter.

Please let me know your thoughts <3

taglist: @jaeminie-cricket @jeonginsbaee @staylovesmiley @newbbystay @cashtonsbetch @mariahxrrera @kaleigh-2002 @silencionyx @smileykiddie08 @my-neurodivergent-world @yaorzu-blog @yoongiismylove2018 @staytinyluv @bookswillfindyouaway @queen-thiccness @notastraykid @ateez-atiny380 @estella-novella @furfoxsake22 @hyunjinhoexxx @insomnjen @hannahisnotblue @vivilovesuu @velvetmoonlght @skz8love @eastjonowhere @stellmeiv @bookishcaptain @flylis @deadpool15 @0325ale @thatgirlangelb @iknow-uknow-leeknow @nchhuhi @shycreationdreamland @readr1221 @beewilko

[glitter-stained]

Ngl it really peeves me when the debate about Jason's ethics regarding killing in the batfam mixes up the question of him being a moral character in regards to sticking to his own philosophy (aka compromising with what he thinks is right to salvage relationships, but also exploding trains to evade capture, killing random goons in a gang war, etc) and the question of him being a moral character in regards to whether his philosophy is right. And even with regards to his philosophy there is his philosophy on politics, crime control and harm reduction, and his ethical philosophy itself (utilitarianism, aka focusing on intended positive consequences of actions for the greater good rather than the action being fundamentally moral or immoral in itself). Those are different things. Those require different debates and should not be conflagrated together. I'm not even saying Jason is right! I think utilitarianism and deontology both suck and fail at providing sufficient guidelines for moral behaviour. ("Everybody still loses" like the nihilist clown says. The symbolism of that one scene is pretty cool on that regard.)

And I think some people at dc would very much like for you to make the connection that because Jason is harming civilians/killing unnamed goons, he is a bad person, and as such you don't need to examine the way his stance on moral philosophy (utilitarianism) opposes Batman's. But that's not right, they don't get to wiggle out of the fact that utilitarianism vs deontology is a complicated debate that has been going on for ages, that there is no clear-cut answer where Batman fundamentally comes out on top, they don't get to use the fact that Jason (in the era currently discussed) is a villain to saddle us with a false dichotomy of "well jason is wrong about stuff so batman has to be right" to avoid addressing the actual question. The traits of the people being tied on the tracks do not change the shape of the trolley problem. The traits of the person deciding to pull the lever do not change the shape of the trolley problem. It's still one lever, three people tied on one track, one on the other, do you pull the lever. That's it. Yes, bending the metaphor to address other questions (such as "who keeps tying people to the tracks" to question systemic violence or "how does my bias, my prejudice and empathy impact my decision to pull the lever depending on who is on the tracks") are interesting but that's not what the debate is about. If I wrote an essay about the trolley problem in high school and focused primarily on the nature of the people being tied on the tracks, I'd get a big fat zero with "off-topic" written in red all over my essay, so I'm not inclined to allow DC comics to get away with it.

[tackykachowch]

Alright so I found another reason to hate the flashback in s2. Crazy right? Well tbf, it's not about the flashback in particular this time, but rather wasted opportunity. After rewatching some of Silco's scenes in season 1 I caught myself thinking: "Huh. This guy sure mentions sons and daughters/brothers and sisters a lot. Interesting thing to do for a character who treats people as resources". And then it hit me. There's just a GOLDMINE (heh) of untouched inner conflict to explore within Silco.

Just think about it. He probably went to work in the mines as soon as he was capable to and was raised by people there. Like he mentions in a dialog with Finn, they were a tightly connected community who always looked after each other, making sure everyone survived on the sparce resources they had. So wouldn't it be better to focus the flashback on that community rather than one specific person? We already know that Silco and Vander were the closest people to each other, so to introduce another person to the equation doesn't really make sense. The flashback can still happen at The Last Drop, but a party could be happening there. Maybe not even to celebrate something, but to just have a good time with everyone. And we could be shown how Silco interacted with all these different people, knew their personal struggles and goals, excitedly discussed what they're gonna do after liberation with them, what everyone is going to do once they'll be fully free of the mines. To really show us and emphasize the fact that BOTH Vander and Silco built the Lanes. Vander wasn't the only one to value the community, he just wasn't the one who was ready to sacrifice it for their goal. And this is very important too!! Because it's easy to think of Silco as a ruthless calculating machine that never cared for the people. But he clearly did. And we could be shown how desperation broke him, because even after everything he and Vander did their friends and adoptive family were still dying. Some from the accidents in the mines, some from diseases caused by the Grey, some from enforcers' brutality etc. So it was REALLY hard for him to cross that line and place the cause above all else. And a parallel can be created there: in ep3 Vander says that he cooperated with Grayson because he "didn't have another choice", so maybe Silco thought the same when he made a decision to stop valuing his people above else? A really interesting conversation can be had there, but "bLiStErS aNd BeDrOcK" is cooler apparently.

[winged-void]

It’s not a privilege to change every aspect of my personality and expression to not get yelled at by creepy men or to say “that’s not cool don’t say that” without as much backlash

Never mind the fact that I really don't know what this is responding to (and the fact that "without as much backlash" illustrates some acknowledgement of the privilege that comes with not being transfem), I think there is an illustrative rhetorical tactic I have seen a lot of TMRAs use (knowingly or not!).

In a lot of transandrophobia posts that aren't diatribes about how trans women are evil and need to shut up, you will notice a very normal thing: discussion of privilege as a thing that exists within society. You know, the idea some types of people have to deal with a whole host of troubles that people unaffected by those troubles can easily ignore to the point of often not knowing they exist until they are pointed out to them.

But then, when they send anon hate or replies or what have you to trans women, you will see those very same people pretend they don't know that definition of privilege, and will use one like this one here! Or will revert back to making "how can I have privilege when my life sucks" type arguments that normally come from people not used to discussing societal privilege.

It's really interesting!

[truearchangel]

ㅤHe supposed that made sense and it seemed like Alastor had a very deep connection to Cannibal Town. One that went further than even just being friends with the local Overlord of the area. An interesting fact he was tucking into his back pocket.

ㅤAlthough he didn't think Alastor just frequented Cannibal Town because it was an easy place to get the food he wanted, he didn't know the other spent more time here for the sake of friendship. At an innitial glance, in the time they spent together, he had honestly thought that if Alastor did have friends—it wasn't very many. A fact he could relate to himself, and one that might still be true. Michael knew personally that when you had power? People tended to use you or abuse you for it.

ㅤHe wouldn't doubt that was something the Radio Demon was intimately familiar with either. Espeically with the way some demons seemed to watch him. Lustful, hungry.

ㅤWhen the question turned to being about Heaven it was something he latched onto easily, his posture straightening slightly as he turned his head a bit to glance in Alastor's direction. This was a topic that became more buisnessesque for him, something that was easy for him to ramble information off for.

ㅤ"When it comes to matter of Hell, when things like that are brought to my attention, you can guess it isn't for a purpose of just wondering what your favorite sinner to snack on is." Meaning, he didn't hear about Alastor to see if his radio show was interesting or not. "We, and I mean myself and my brothers obviously, met and voted on if I should kill you or not." It should make sense too. A new sinner? With power? Rapidly gaining more? Taking out some of the strongest overlords in Hell?

ㅤThat sounds like a threat.

ㅤ"I told them to wait, to see what you did with all the power you were claiming. If you went after Lucifer and he didn't kill you? I'd have crushed your soul without a single moment of hesitation. If you just continued killing overlords and sinners? Less work for us. If you tried to go for Heaven? If that was even a possibility? Death." He shrugged, as if he wasn't discussing Alastor's fate that had unknowingly laid in his hands.

ㅤ"Instead, you seemed to settle down, vanished entirely for some time, and I forgot that was even something to think about." Off of his mind that quickly, as if he had never been there.

ㅤ"Now that I've met you personally, I think you're funny. Clearly the entertainment form you have chosen is something you're good at. You have a very lovely voice, one that does work for radio, and a passion for what you do. A talented musician who should do more with that and when it's genuine—a very nice smile. I can see quite easily why people are drawn to you and I think that works for you. Perhaps to well, since I can see it's probably something you've taken advantage of before. How easily you lure people in."

ㅤPausing in his steps he turned to face Alastor fully. "But you could do to let some of those walls down. Since at the same time, as easily as you pull people in, you can push them away too."

"It says you are understanding of the fact that every living thing needs to eat in some way, shape, or form. And given that you brought the thing to life, it's your responsibility to feed it, regardless of what it requires to do so."

Easy as. Though he could not say much about what it meant for Michael to linger in Hell for longer than was strictly necessary. If his goal was to 'learn', then surely, he was learning quite a bit that he could take back. Had he not come to the conclusion yet that there was something worth saving rather than subjecting both realms to some manner of war?

Deeper than he wanted to go at the moment, head tilting slightly towards the other as he continued to walk at an even pace.

"Cannibal Town is one of the first places I discovered when I arrived in Hell," he stated matter-of-factly. "I think there is a camaraderie there that is hard to find elsewhere in the Pentagram. Consuming flesh is still a taboo in many places - so it makes more sense for individuals who engage in it to stick together. From there - and with Rosie's leadership - they've formed quite the community amongst themselves." And he an honorary member among them.

That Heaven had heard of him, however, was somewhat interesting. And not something that he had considered before, his ear flicking as he spared a sidelong glance down at Michael. He did not divert from his course, though he said nothing as the other continued, casual when he finally did speak, though there was a tenor of seriousness in his formerly casual tone.

"I am flattered."

As if he did not have a large enough target on him.

Briefly, his mind flitted to his mother. A practical Mother Teresa in her day - there was no question that she must have been in Heaven. Maybe not as anyone significant - not even a known individual. But she was there.

What he wouldn't give...

Alastor's claws gave a twitch, but otherwise, the thoughts remained secured in his head.

"And what did you think of me then versus what you think of me now?"

[atleastpleasetelephone]

Little Darling

Chapter 10 - With my toes dipped in the sand

It's 1997, and Elvis is still alive and well. He quit music in 1972 after a successful world tour, and now he runs Presley Studios - teaching people karate across America. His daughter and grandchildren are regular visitors at Graceland, and when he’s in Memphis he likes to do a little teaching. His life is quieter now, though. Most of the Mafia have gone - going to live their own lives - and after his divorce from his second wife, Elvis is sworn off women for good. Will a Welsh girl with a wicked sense of humour be the one to make him break his promise to himself not to fall in love again?

Need to catch up? Go here.

Pairing: Old Man!Elvis x OC - Tegan, a Welsh girl he meets at karate.

Word count: 4.5K

TWs: Erectile dysfunction, drug use, slight mention of addiction, mention of spanking, discussion of parenthood/children, ass play, masturbation, discussion of anal.

Once Tegan has fully recovered, she and Elvis live out of Graceland for a while. She gets used to driving out of the mansion gates every morning, and the handful of fans she sees there regularly are on first name terms with her after a few weeks. Living together is surprisingly easy, though Tegan refuses to give up her apartment, however many different ways Elvis thinks of to ask. It’s not just that she wants it as a safety net, she genuinely loves living in it, and tries to persuade Elvis that they could hop between the two instead of always living in the mansion. He’s not sure. It was the last house his Mama lived in, after all, and part of him feels guilty wanting to live anywhere else in Memphis, even if he does really like the apartment too. 

They’re sitting together in bed one morning, Tegan between Elvis’ legs, when he remembers he wants to ask her something. 

“Queenie?”

“Hmmm?”

“Ya wanna go on vacation soon?” His hand trails up and down from the top of her sternum to her belly. 

The back of her head is against his chest, and she looks up at him curiously. “With you? I’d love to. Where are we going?”

“Wherever ya want, honey.”

“Oooh.”

“But, uh… probably not just us.”

Tegan tries to hide her disappointment as he tells her about the million and one people he wants to invite and promises to pay for. She knows Maria will be thrilled, and the kids too, but she was hoping for some kind of romantic getaway, rather than a family holiday with people who were not, in fact, her family. She tells him she’s going to shower and he makes noises about breakfast. 

“You decide, though, Queenie. Wherever ya wanna go. Nice beach somewhere.”

The shower clears her head, and she decides that going on holiday with everyone probably isn’t as bad as she thinks. The more people, the bigger the likelihood of someone wanting to go with her to do things. She’s starting to think that Elvis has become a very beach holiday person in his old age, and she can’t think of anything worse than just lying around getting sunburnt. She pulls on jeans and a jumper and wanders downstairs, finding Elvis in the kitchen, reading the paper as he eats his rubbery eggs. 

“Good shower?” He asks, reading glasses perched on the end of his nose.

“Yes, thanks.” 

She puts an arm around his shoulders and looks down at the paper. His palm slides onto the inside of her thigh, possessively. 

“Look at this.” He points to an article in the paper and she reads it over his shoulder. “Think I should ask Dr Dawson about it?”

The article is about Sildenafil, a drug recently approved for use by the FDA. As Tegan reads further, she realises it’s for erectile dysfunction. She’s not sure she’d ever really thought about Elvis’ dick as being dysfunctional before, but she does always feel like they have to make the most of it whenever it is functioning as it should. Interesting.

“You might as well see what he thinks about it.”

He doesn’t really want to talk to the doctor about his penis, but he knows this is something that could really help him. He feels a bit like his life is controlled by the whims of Little Elvis, and he’d really prefer to be in control of it himself. He calls Dr Dawson after breakfast, and the doctor promises to be round in a couple of hours. Elvis doesn’t like seeing medical professionals at all, nowadays. He feels like he had such a close brush with death in the early 70s that he tries to keep away from temptation now. After the world tour he’d fired Dr Nick and specifically looked for someone who dealt with addiction to sort out his problems. It has been tough, but looking at Tegan now, as she fusses around the kitchen trying to tidy up, he thinks that it has definitely been worth it. 

“He’s comin’ up the drive,” He says, to no-one in particular, as he sits staring at the CCTV. 

“You want me to talk to him with you?” Tegan strokes his hair as he wraps an arm around her. 

“Oh, yes please, honey.” This whole thing is embarrassing, but her being there will at least be a hand to hold. 

They settle into the study with the doctor and Elvis shows him the newspaper article. 

“I uh… I-I-I-I thought maybe they uh… m-might… help me s-some…” he stutters. Tegan reaches for his hand and squeezes it. 

“Well you’re not the first person to ask me about this today, and you sure won’t be the last!” Dr Dawson jokes. Elvis smiles, thinly. “Can you describe your symptoms?”

Elvis starts to blush and Tegan can see the start of a full on stammer coming, so she cuts in. 

“Well he just can’t necessarily get it up every time. It’s better in the morning, I think that’s quite common, um, but it’s kind of unreliable in the evening. And I’m… well I’m nearly 40 but I’ve always struggled getting relaxed enough for intercourse, I need a lot of foreplay, so we do struggle sometimes. It’s frustrating for both of us. We um, I mean we have a good sex life but I think anything to improve it a little is worth a try, you know?”

Elvis squeezes her hand tightly and she looks over at him as he mouths “thank you”. 

“Well that sounds just like what this drug has been made for. I’m happy to prescribe it for you, if you agree your wife’s description of it is accurate?”

Tegan’s eyes go wide at his mistake but she doesn’t say anything. Elvis smirks. 

“Oh yeah, I agree with everything my wife just said.��

“Great. Lucky for you I have a bottle on me, but here’s a prescription for more. It lowers your blood pressure, so make sure you take it easy. Don’t be popping more than one of these a night.”

He hands over the bottle, and Elvis immediately passes it to Tegan. “You can look after that f’me, honey.”

She smiles and nods and they get up to shake hands with the doctor and show him out. As soon as he’s gone Elvis turns to her and bursts out laughing. 

“Yer face when he called ya my wife!”

“You didn’t correct him!”

“Didn’t want ta. A man can dream, can’t he?”

She shakes her head and smirks a little herself. “Well, looks like we’re going to have a fun holiday.” She holds up the bottle of pills and shakes it. 

“Not just the vacation, Queenie. The fun starts now.”

Still shaking her head, she holds the bottle behind her back. “Uh-uh. You gave it to me to look after. I’m keeping it hidden until we go on holiday.”

“What?!” Elvis’ eyes are wide. He had been thinking of throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her up the stairs immediately. 

“I’m keeping the spark alive! Ahhhh! Elvis!!” 

She starts to run but he catches up with her quickly, grabbing her around the waist and trying to get the pill bottle off her. She squeals as they play-fight, both ending up on the carpet in the living room, scrabbling about. She throws the bottle as far away as she can manage and then tries to get up and run after it. He grabs her ankle and brings her tumbling back to the floor. 

“I don’t think so.”

“Ow! Elvis!” 

“Ya should practise karate more at home, ya know,” he tells her as he rolls away from her, getting up himself and running after the bottle. He scoops it up and turns around, just in time for her to attempt a wrist lock on him to get him to drop it again. Now it’s his turn to cry out in pain. “Ow!” 

She stops, worried she’s actually hurt him and his expression immediately changes to a wicked grin. 

“Tricked ya.”

She’s just realising what’s happened when he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder, grabbing hold of her thighs tightly. 

“Spanking time fer naughty girls.”

“Elvis!” 

He chuckles, striding up the stairs with her over one shoulder, kicking and struggling but getting nowhere. He throws her on the bed and then looks at the label of the pill bottle. 

“Ah. Half an hour to kick in. Good amount of time ta spank ya for, I reckon.”

***

The group flies to Cancun for Thanksgiving break on Elvis’ private jet, and Tegan has to admit that she could get used to this kind of lifestyle. There’s no real rules on the jet, although she does remain sensibly in her seat and wearing her seatbelt for the majority of the flight anyway. There’s also champagne on the jet, and plenty of tasty food. Maria’s kids make the most of the lack of rules, tearing up and down the plane, playing all manner of games. Elvis joins in with them for a bit, but then he gets worn out and sits back down next to his girlfriend. He watches as Gina comes barrelling over and jumps on her lap. She looks shocked as always, and very carefully picks the little girl up and places her back on the floor again, explaining as patiently as she can muster that she’s not a climbing frame. He chuckles, taking her hand in his. 

“She’s a little firecracker, ain’t she?”

Tegan huffs out a sigh. “Yeah. I swear she came out of the womb like this and she hasn’t taken a breath since.”

“She might even be too much fer me,” he observes with a wry smile. 

Tegan looks over at him, surprised. “Didn’t think any kids were too much for you.”

“Psssh. I’m old, Queenie. My knees ain’t what they used ta be. Ben, over there, is more my speed nowadays.” He nods towards the little boy, who is colouring in carefully, as usual. 

“You’re just saying that because he’s the only kid who gives me the time of day.”

Elvis shakes his head. “Nah. I’m sayin’ it because it’s true.”

They sit in silence for a while, Tegan trying to weigh up what she ought to say to him, since he’d brought up the topic of children. She still doesn’t know. 

“Ya never wanted any?” He asks, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. 

“No.” She decides to go all in. “I’m not the maternal type. Never felt the urge. I find them… difficult to relate to.”

She doesn’t dare look at him now that she’s basically told him she doesn’t like kids, in what seems quite a bit like a jet plane full of kids. 

“I uh… I always thought I’d have more, ya know. Only ended up with one.”

She nibbles on her lower lip and nods, still looking away. His thumb carries on rubbing circles on the back of her hand. 

“Thought I’d make a good dad. Not sure I did. Ya’d have ta ask Lisa I suppose.” He pauses for a while, and she wonders if she should contradict him. Then he continues, “don’t think either of us were ready. Me or Cilla. Not sure she had a maternal bone in her body, but she had a kid anyway.” Another pause. “Y’know, Stella wanted kids. An’ I was always too busy with one thing or another. Another reason she left me. She was pregnant almost straight away, after she’d gone.”

Tegan finds herself squeezing his hand and cautiously looking into his face. “Thought you’d think less of me, you know. Because I’m not… maternal.”

He shakes his head. “Confused me at first, when Maria told me. But then I thought about it an’ I guess I realised we’re not that different. I mean I coulda had a whole army of ‘em, but I didn’t. Coz I didn’t think I’d give ‘em the life they deserved.” He looks over at Lisa, wistfully, as she helps Riley with her cross-stitch. “Never had time fer her, when she was little. Said that’s why I stopped with the music, ta make time fer her. But I just filled it with somethin’ else.”

He sighs deeply. Tegan raises his hand to her lips and kisses the back of it. 

“I’m sure everyone thinks they could’ve done a better job at being a parent. But look at her now. She’s grown into a wonderful, capable woman with a career and two great kids of her own. And she loves you, you know she does.”

Elvis turns his head and presses a kiss to Tegan’s temple. “Thanks, Queenie. That means a lot.”

“Any time, ‘raur. It’s not hard to say when it’s the truth.”

***

They arrive at the resort and once they’ve unpacked a little the men gather around the barbeque and try to cook fish that Maria picked up at the market. Elvis pulls a face about the smell, but accepts little mouthfuls of Tegan’s when she feeds them to him from her plate. 

“You should try a prawn, ‘raur. Not fishy at all.”

She gets up and rescues one from the barbeque, moving it back and forth in her fingers as she tries to peel it. It’s still pretty hot, but once she gets the shell off she takes a bite. 

“Mmmm. Delicious. You want?”

Elvis has already taken a pill, and the sight of Tegan with butter running down her chin brings Little Elvis to attention immediately. He shuffles about, rearranging himself to make his erection less obvious, and then leans forward with his mouth open. Tegan giggles as she puts the rest of the prawn in his mouth. She’d noticed the little movement and knows exactly what it means. He won’t last long at this table. 

“Hmmm that’s okay, actually,” he concedes, then winks at her. 

She wipes her chin and giggles. “You want another?”

“Only if you do.”

They’re both giggling now, and she repeats the process with another prawn, eating it even more messily and making Elvis groan audibly. 

“Okay, this has been fun,” he announces, once he’s eaten the other half. “But Queenie and I have a bed to test out.”

Tegan puts her hand over her mouth in embarrassment. The kids are all still awake and they immediately start asking things about the bed and why it needs testing. 

“Elvis!” She elbows him in the side as they walk off together, the rest of the adults laughing and wishing them luck. 

“Ya shouldn’ta eaten that prawn like that, baby. It was like a porno.”

She almost cries with laughter as she holds onto his arm, both of them stepping back into the condo. “It was not! It was me, eating a prawn, normally! You’ve got problems, Presley.”

He turns her to face him, running his thumb over her chin and grinning back. “I’ve got one problem, Queenie. An’ it’s that I need ya now. I can’t wait.”

He leans down and kisses her, his tongue exploring her mouth eagerly. 

“You’ve got no patience, nowadays,” she tells him as she leads him into their bedroom for the week. “No patience at all.”

They’d used the pills a few times since he’d been prescribed them, and it had really taken the pressure off. Elvis no longer had to worry if his erection could make it through a change in position because it always did. He’d had a lot of fun throwing her around and trying new things, with the help of a bottle of lube that she’d bought in Memphis’ only sex shop. But he’s by no means finished the list of things he wants to try, and he’s glad he’s got all this time on vacation now.

Once they’re both naked he lies on top of her, still relishing the fact that she likes it, and kisses her neck. 

“Queenie…” he murmurs into her ear. 

“Mmm. Yes, baby.”

“Y’know that time ya were sick and ya… well we… y’know…”

She giggles at his shyness. “I think I know, but use your words, ‘raur.”

He groans. “Okay, okay. I didn’t want yer finger, but uh…y-ya could… would ya wanna lick it? I mean… ya don’t have ta, if ya don’t wanna it’s fine but…” he trails off, aware he’s just making noises at this point. 

Tegan bites her lip, hard, to stop herself from giggling. She breathes out very slowly through her nose and prays for some kind of composure. 

“You want me to eat your ass?”

“Oh-oh-oh-nly if ya want to.” When she doesn’t reply straight away, he carries on. “I-I mean it’s fine if ya don’t, I don’t expect ya ta, I… I know I’m an old man with a hairy ass and I wouldn’t want ta stick my tongue there…”

Tegan can’t suppress her little giggle at the description. 

“Ya don’t want ta. I knew it. I shouldna asked. I’m sorry honey, my horny brain jus’ gets these ideas an’...”

She moves her head so she can look at him, putting a hand on either side of his face. “I would love to eat your ass.”

“Y-you would?”

She giggles again, a little shyly. “I wanna make you feel good.”

“Well I think ya would, honey.”

“Girls have done it to you before, haven’t they?”

It’s his turn to smirk a little now. “Yeah. Once or twice.”

“Well I might not be any good at it.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Practice makes perfect.”

They both giggle again, foreheads pressed against one another, in that conspiratorial way they’d developed over the weeks and months they’d been together. 

“I need ta shower.”

“I’ll come with you.”

He gives her a slightly funny look. “Honey, I need to wash down there.”

“So?”

“Okay, fine. But ya have ta close yer eyes fer that bit.”

Tegan rolls her eyes a little in disbelief but assures him that she will. They get in the shower together and she giggles at his raging erection. Once he’d taken a pill, if it was up there was no way it was coming down until he’d cum (and sometimes not even then), and she finds it very amusing. He insists that she closes her eyes and puts her hands over them whilst he washes his ass, which she finds even funnier. Eventually she’s allowed to look again and they get out of the shower and dry off. 

“You’ve gotta stop giggling, little girl,” he chides as they get back on the bed again. 

“But you’re so cute and funny.”

Elvis tries hard to put on a serious face but only manages for a few seconds before laughing again. He'd laughed and joked around with all of his girlfriends, but he can’t remember laughing so much with anyone before Tegan. Especially not in bed. He always took sex very seriously, which meant being proud of himself when he made a woman come for the first time, but also beating himself up when he couldn’t perform the way he wanted to. She somehow manages to make it silly and sexy at the same time. 

“How do you want to do this, then?” She asks.

“A bit pissed,” he answers, and they’re back to laughing again. 

Tegan gets up and pulls on a robe so she can walk to the kitchen and grab a bottle of champagne from the fridge. They sit and drink and talk a little about who they think will fall out with who first on the vacation. Elvis’ money is on Lisa-Marie arguing with Sonny, but Tegan thinks that Maria and her husband won’t last a day with the kids without fighting. Once they’re about three quarters of the way through the bottle, Tegan puts her empty glass down. 

“C’mon then. Which way round do you want me?”

Even a little drunk and a lot horny, Elvis struggles to answer such a direct question. “Can I uh…” he stops and swallows down the rest of his champagne in one big gulp. “Can I sit on yer face?”

She nods and gives him a quick kiss, before settling down on her back. He gulps. He sort of had expected her to say no. 

“C’mon then,” she encourages again, holding her arms out. 

He carefully arranges himself with a knee on either side of her shoulders, then kind of hovers, uncertainly. She grabs his hips and pulls him down so she’s actually sitting on his haunches. 

“That okay?” He asks.

Her hands move to his ass and she squeezes it a little before pulling the cheeks apart and licking between them. He makes a little moaning noise and she smiles. 

“Shuffle back a bit, if you stay that far away it’s going to hurt my neck after a while.”

He does as she suggests and she hums approvingly, starting to lick again. He groans, his hand sliding up and down his dick as he looks at her body stretched out in front of him. He likes looking at her tattoos, and her piercings. And of course he likes looking at her breasts. And her pussy. Well, shit, he likes her body generally. Sitting like this is giving him a great view and her tongue being where it is is like the icing on the cake. 

Tegan keeps licking for a while, wide, long movements and then little kitten licks. Then she makes her tongue into a point and pulls him down onto her face a little more, pressing it against his entrance. 

“Mmmmm.”

She tries a few times but she can’t get more than the very end in, so she pulls back. 

“Baby?”

“Hmmm.” The feeling of her tongue is making Elvis sweat and he doesn’t know how to respond. 

“You’re tensing up,” she tells him, running her thumb between his ass cheeks now. 

“Mmmm.” He still can’t speak, now she’s rubbing him there and he’s starting to feel a little insane. 

“If you imagine you’re pushing a little, that might help.”

Tegan hears Elvis panting, but he still doesn’t say anything. She mentally shrugs and moves her head back into position, pulling him down on her mouth again. Her hands massage his ass as she tries again with her tongue. This time she presses in a little further, and he moans loudly, moving his hand faster on his dick as he feels his orgasm building. 

He’s never let a woman do this before. He was always kind of strict with the girls he had let near his asshole. The idea of something going in, whether it was a finger or a tongue, just seemed sort of violating. Like something that shouldn’t happen to him. But Tegan’s little tongue… he moans again as she flicks it in and out, and he finds himself matching her rhythm with his hand. He thinks again about the way she is with him, how much she makes him laugh and how reassuring she is. Her patience, how she never once got frustrated or upset with him when he couldn’t give her what he promised, in bed. How she ate whatever he tried to cook her, never once pointed out that his attempts at cleaning the kitchen floor left it dirtier than it was to begin with and always looked so delighted to see him after a long day at work. He suddenly realises, with his release heavy in his balls and a pretty girl’s tongue halfway up his ass, that he loves her. 

“Shit,” he mutters, as his orgasm peaks and cum starts to shoot out of his dick and all over her body. “Tegan…I love you.”

She pulls her tongue back into her mouth and kisses him there instead, until he shakily gets off her and lies down on the bed. She leans over and tries to kiss his lips, but his hand stops her. 

“I know where yer mouth’s been.”

Grabbing his hand and pulling it out of the way, she climbs on top of him and pins his blissed out body to the bed. “Yeah. Your arsehole. My mouth. So the least you can do is give me a kiss for it.”

Drunk on champagne and his orgasm, Elvis gives in, letting her kiss him passionately. She pulls back and then presses a little kiss to the end of his nose. 

“I love you too, by the way. Couldn’t reply at the time as my tongue was otherwise occupied.” She chuckles. “That’s one to tell the grandkids.”

Elvis laughs, putting on a high-pitched voice. “Hey grandad, when did you tell grandma you loved her for the first time?” His voice changes to an exaggerated version of his own deep southern drawl. “When she had her tongue up my ass, son.”

They fall about laughing again, trading lines back and forth about it, Elvis howling with laughter at her impressions of him. When they recover, he looks at her seriously for a moment. 

“This old man woves you so much, Tegan bach.” He holds her face in his hands and stares at her, lovingly. 

“She woves him too,” she replies. She really does. Has done for a long time now, but for some reason it didn’t seem important to say it. She felt like he already knew. “You want the end of the champagne?”

He nods and she gets up, pouring the remains of the bottle into two glasses. 

“Hey, how d’ya know to tell me to do that thing… so ya could get yer tongue in?”

She smirks. “I’ve um… done anal before.”

His eyes go wide for a moment and he takes a sip of his drink. “Ya like it?”

She nods. “What about you?”

“I’ve never let anyone fuck me in the ass,” he replies, completely deadpan. 

She pushes him in the chest and he starts to laugh. “Okay, okay. Yeah I did it with a girl once. Good Christian girl, no sex before marriage ya know? Kept that pussy pristine, good as new. But her asshole musta seen some things.”

Tegan shrieks, her hand over her mouth, nearly falling onto the mattress she’s laughing so hard. 

“You can’t tell me you want me to eat your ass, but you can say that?”

He shrugs. “Tellin’ stories about other people is easier. Tellin’ ya what I want… I don’t want ya ta think I’m some kinda weirdo.”

She reaches up to stroke his cheek. “I definitely think you’re some kind of weirdo. My kind of weirdo.”

He smiles then, a beautiful radiant smile that lights up his whole face. 

“Don’t ever feel like you can’t ask me for whatever you want. I’d never make you feel bad about it.”

He kisses her again, softly, on the lips. “I will hold ya ta that, Tegan bach. I’ll hold ya to it.”

***

Taglist:

@vintagepresley @arg-xoxo @from-memphis-with-love @msamarican @blursedblegh @returntopresley @eapep @everythingelvispresley @i-r-i-n-a-a @sissylittlefeather @arrolyn1114 @jhoneybees @cattcb @polksaladava @lookingforrainbows @jkdaddy01 @ccab @epthedream69 @lustnhim @elvisslut @pomtherine @that-hotdog @ladelinee @angschrof @fairybloodsucker @deltafalax @makethemorning @elviswhore69 @ilovequeen978 @wildhorseinkansas @pocketfulofpresley @dkayfixates @iloveelvisss @kxnnxy

[plounce]

i think part of the appeal of writing and reading fanfiction is being able to say the quiet part out loud: laying out emotions and themes and relationships very plainly, what happened after the episode concluded, what did this non-pov character think about these events, what if the backdrop subtext was the foreground text, what if these characters discussed their feelings very clearly and then it didn't cut to black. because fanfiction is often a way to lay out exactly what you think/feel about a text and/or its characters: what you like, dislike, think is important, think is interesting, etc. it is often difficult to be subtle because that is not what the medium tends to encourage. it is extremely pathos-driven. high-octane full-throttle Emotion is the king of fanfiction. leave no gaps, indulge fully. and it is often some blend of reaction to/analysis of the text and an exploration of the author's own internal life and feelings. and that is often a ton of fun, both as a reader and a writer. however man i wish i was able to be more subtle lmao i keep wanting to state things so plainly but i also want to pull back and leave things to implication too. not every emotion needs to be lavishly explained. i say this all very neutrally btw. i think it is up to one's own personal subjective taste whether you like this about fanfiction

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Don't mind me....

Just casually thinking about how Wooly might just be like Amanda with different coping mechanisms. LET'S DISCUSS!

I'm talking specfically about Wooly's verse in Play My Way.

"Now watch us play our part. Now watch us dance and sing. Don't let it break your heart just play along and never-"

We see an image of Wooly half in demon form. (Similar to Amanda in the lonely kitten scene). And then we see Wooly covered in blood. But I realized something... is it just me or...

Do these blood patterns look kind of similar? Was it foreshadowing? Or is it telling us what really happened... so as far as I can deduce... Wooly lost control over himself, demoned out, and killed Mr. Fox. Amanda prolly hid the body for him but not after playing with it a little cuz it's Amanda you know how she is. Morbid girl's gotta get her thrills somehow. ANYWAY- I find it interesting how Wooly says "just play along and never-" before those two frames show up. Because... what is something Wooly is ALWAYS doing? Playing along, to the point he raises suspicion from both Amanda and the audience. But considering the way all these images line up... could playing along be some way of maintaining control? Over himself and the situation? My personal headcanon/theory is that Wooly for the most part is in this for himself. I mean like post being trapped in here he doesn't seem to pay any notice to the children getting trapped and he doesn't seem to really care about Amanda's wellbeing. Well he does, like he shows concern for her but he never acts on it. So... I think most of his actions in the games are more for his own self interest and peace of mind. A way of maintaining his own sanity by simply bottling things up and ignoring the problem. I'm not saying he was never a Hameln employee whether it be a doctor or child actor... but I don't think his actions are in Hameln's interest anymore. Heck, it's always a possibility he was put in here with Amanda as a punishment of some sort. That said, my main theory about Wooly is that he was a child actor who had been with Hameln much longer than Amanda.

Anyway, this video gave me a new interpretation of Wooly. Wooly is very much like Amanda, where he has his own demon to control and his own Hameln trauma probably. He just handles it in a much different way. He bottles things up and plays along as a way of keeping control and certainty over himself and the situation. But just like Amanda, he has his breaking points and is prone to snap. It's possible that especially in the first game, if I'm right that this takes place before that, he might've been repressing extra hard out of fear that he might snap again. But in the second game, it seems like he's beginning to break down again, especially towards the end and in the "We can Fix it!" tape. I really hope we see one or both Amanda and Wooly demon-out again because I really want to know how that whole thing works. The demons appear when their upset but not every time they are upset. They seem to demon-out when they are having a complete breakdown but what is this exactly? Is the demon taking over their TV counterpart? Why? Plus, why does this lead to violence? All I can say for sure is I am so hyped to learn more about Amanda and Wooly in the third game. I really hope we get more demon lore too!

[vespaer77]

Aside from the fact that I think I might be the only person on the planet who could genuinely be interested in the Executors (I say "could" because my faith in good storytelling from BW is on shaky ground), I fully agree with this post.

And I say this as someone who wasn't sure that the Veil coming down was the right move. But whether someone thinks the Veil should come down or stay up is immaterial. The whole point is that no arguments for the validity of either claim were really ever truly examined. The only reasoning in the game that we get for the Veil remaining intact is that its collapse would "drown the world in demons." Which is... almost a fallacy on its own. Aside from naturally occurring malign spirits (that we learn about from the Mournwatch), demons exist as a direct result of the Veil simply existing.

Perhaps the danger is in not knowing what would happen to all of the mundane, unmagical folk when confronted with the full power of all the raw, unfiltered, chaotic magic of the Fade. But that's still thinking of magic within the confines of the Fade itself. We have no perspective, outside of Solas, on what magic really looks like when the Fade and the mundane world combine. Does it change? Is it still dangerous? Who does it endanger? Are we wrong? Are we right? Who knows? The whole point is that there's never an opportunity to ask those questions. And we have at least three characters fully immersed and available in the story who could provide concrete, first-person, lived and experienced answers.

But we never ask.

We have a spirit of Wisdom who loves answering questions.

And we never ask.

Hell, in addition, we have two dwarves that are connected, isatunolly, with the Titans, who were also there before the Veil.

And we don't get to really ask anything of great value. Even our characters are canonically frustrated with how little we get to ask.

I just think it's very interesting that this game was called Dreadwolf for so long, and then it wasn't. The game we got has very little to do with, and makes very little use of, the Dread Wolf at all. So the game is called The Veilguard. But at no point does the Veilguard really ever.... guard... the Veil. Or make any mention of guarding the Veil. Or have any discussion on why guarding the Veil is so super important or what it even means, especially considering that, in the first 20min of the game, the only real element threatening the Veil is neutralized until the last 10min.

The game, called The Veilguard, isn't about the Veil at all.

In my humble opinion? This game should have been given a title that had more to do with the Blight or the gods or something. Or, given how many times it gets said in game, it could've just been called, "Dragon Age: It's Just So Hard." Even on a meta level, that's a title I could've believed, lol.

All this without even mentioning that one mural memory. We all know the one. The one that falls somewhere between a shameful, textbook retcon and a blatant attempt at gaslighting.

Whoops. I mentioned it, didn't I? Maybe I'll make a longer post about that someday. That's the part of this game that really grinds my gears, the status of the Veil notwithstanding.

In short, I firmly believe that the vilification of Solas is purely based on a retcon (and one that makes no logical sense when properly examined) and it's a hill I'm prepared to die on.

Anyhoops, if someone told me that, even though this game had been in development for 10yrs, the final version of this game was produced from start to finish in 16mos or less, I'd honestly believe it. I also feel like they were 100% shooting for a game that would have DLC afterwards and were told late in their development cycle that there wouldn't be so they tried to gift wrap everything with the ribbons and bows that they had. Like... go to the Halls of Valor and tell me that this is a fully finished game that was intended to be complete from the very beginning.

Castles in the Fade, or What Was the Point of the Veil Anyway

Something that will now haunt me until the end of time is why was the concept of the Veil ever introduced into this series.

We’ve been hearing about it since the very first game. There’s a codex entry about tears in the Veil in Origins. Tamlen mentions a thin spot in the Veil if you play a Dalish elf. Sandal has a prophecy in Dragon Age 2: “One day the magic will come back—all of it. Everyone will be just like they were. The shadows will part and the skies will open wide. When he rises, everyone will see.” Admittedly, this is just one line said by a character who often says odd things, but it hinted to the fact they were planning to do something with the Veil from the very beginning. The state of the Veil is repeatedly brought up. It all had to mean something! Or so I thought. 

When I saw “The Dread Wolf Rises” quest in Veilguard, I said, “Oh, here we go!” The Veil is coming down, magic is coming back, and it’s going to set up such an interesting story for the next game. 

Alas, no. 

I hadn’t really enjoyed my time playing Veilguard up until this point. It felt like the game was ducking and dodging every bit of world building and lore that could possibly bring nuance or complexity to the story. Every returning character or faction was a cardboard cutout of themself. They shoved Solas is a time-out box and gave him nothing to do. They refused to let him have any impact or influence on the story when he had been set up to be our main antagonist back in Trespasser. This game used to be called Dreadwolf! And while we learn about his past… we never talk to him about it. In the present, he’s in stasis.

Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain are our villains. And they are your typical evil for evil’s sake villains. They are mad, bad, and only as dangerous as the narrative will allow as to not give Rook and co too much trouble. They are surprisingly patient while Rook fixes all their companions’ problems… until Elgar’nan moves the moon to cause an eclipse. A vital component in making his own lyrium dagger. For some reason. This guy can move a satellite!? And he just let Rook walk away in previous encounters… twice. Ok. Sure.

The Evil Duo need their own dagger ostensibly to tear down the Veil, because they want to unleash the full force of the Blight onto the world. Because they are evil. And they were thwarted last time they tried to Blight the entire world. Why do they think Blighting the world is a good idea? What’s the point of ruling a world if everyone is dead? I guess they haven’t thought that through, because of the madness and the evilness.

Ok, I thought. Perhaps the gods will be the one to tear down the Veil. Or maybe we’ll have a choice to let Solas do it his way before they can, which will be less chaotic and less full of Blight. Because the Veil has to be coming down one way or another? Why introduce the concept of the Veil, especially a Veil that has been thinning and failing since the series began, if it’s just going to… stay.

There is a principle in storytelling called Chekov’s gun. If something is mentioned in a story, it must have a purpose. If you keeping mentioning that gun hanging on the wall over the fireplace, it’s because at some point in the story, someone is going to take it down and use it. The Veil felt like Chekov’s gun to me. Chekov’s Veil, if you will. It’s been here from the beginning of our tale, the spectre hanging over our protagonists’ heads for multiple games.

The Veil has been a character unto itself. It was the central focus of the third game, and its dissolution was set up to be the core conflict of the fourth game. We learn everything we thought we knew about the Veil was a lie. It was not created by the Maker to separate the Fade from this world because of jealous spirits, it was created by a guy named Solas to trap the elven gods and the Blight from destroying the world. Also, the elven gods were never gods, and they are also evil.

This reveal will surely throw the Andrastian religion into chaos! This puts the very existence of the Maker into question! The Evanuris are a lie; it’s only fair Catholicism—oh, I mean—the Chantry is a lie too. We briefly touch on that in Veilguard… then it is quietly discarded. Religious crisis averted.

But I digress.

When the title of the fourth game was changed from Dreadwolf to Veilguard, I started to see the writing on the wall. Still, I held out hope the Veil would have some greater purpose in the story. That its introduction as a concept was for a reason. That something in this world would change.

Instead, from the get-go, the question of the Veil is no question at all. We only get Solas and Varric making oblique or catastrophizing statements about it. Solas says little beyond he has a plan. If I ever wanted to hear a villain monologue about their plan, it was now! Varric, on the other hand, decries Solas’s plan. He warns that should the Veil fall, it will destroy the world and drown it in demons. And that’s that.

We never really learn why Solas wants to tear the Veil down, or why he thinks it will help anyone. “The Veil is a wound inflicted upon this world. It must be healed,” he says. And that’s basically all he says about it in Veilguard. In Inquisition and Trespasser, we learn it took the immortality from the elves. It cut most of magic off from the world. Spirits are trapped and are being corrupted into demons, and most of what we know about spirits and demons is wrong. There are ancient elves possibly asleep? That part is left vague, but ancient elves are still about. We meet some in Mythal’s temple. There seems to have been some merit in bringing it down, because elves were flocking to Solas’s cause at the end of Trespasser. He had agents working for him already. What do they know that we don’t know?

Apparently nothing, because by the time Veilguard rolls around, there are no mention of agents. He is working alone. His only motivation now seems to be he’s too deep in his sunk-cost fallacy. The Veil is unnatural, so it must be removed—consequences be damned. We are never given any reason to think Solas has a leg to stand on in his pursuit of tearing down the Veil. We never hear any kind of counter argument from anyone, not even Solas, as to why the Veil should come down. We are only told it will destroy the world. It will drown the world in demons. This is all Solas’s fault.

There is no nuance. No complexity. No moral quandary to mull over. The game gives us vague warnings with no explanation as to what exactly is so world-annihilating about the Veil coming down. We must take Varric’s word at face value. We’re the heroes; Solas is the villain. Stop him.

It makes me wonder why Solas was ever a companion in Inquisition, let alone a romance option. Solas was presented to us as a complicated character in Inquisition. We had the potential throughout the game to make him see the value of this world, to help him realize he was wrong about it. “We aren’t even people to you,” the Inquisitor says in Trespasser. Solas replies, “Not at first. You showed me that I was wrong...again.” He began the third game viewing the world as tranquil, seeing the people in it as nothing more than figments in a nightmare, just as we saw our companions in the In Hushed Whispers quest. He ends the game having made friends, having recognized he was mistaken. He might have even fallen in love. (Or he may still seen no merit in this world if the Inquisitor antagonized him the entirety of their time together.) But something makes him continue with his plan to tear down the Veil, despite recognizing this world is real. He must know something we don’t. Something we’ll learn about in the next game.

We’ve been hearing about the Veil for three games now. We’ve set up our complex antivillain for the next installment, and he’s going to tear the Veil down. We swear to stop him or save him. But it has to be more complex than that. It can’t be so straightforward. Uncomplicated. Simple. Boring. Right? Right?

Nope. He really is just the villain, mustache-twirling and all. He apparently had no greater motivation, no as of yet unrevealed knowledge that would put this whole Veil thing into a new context. It was really as simple as the Veil falling will destroy the world, so Solas must be stopped. There is no new information that is revealed which makes us question what we are doing. Solas is never given any nuance or complexity to his actions. Nuance and complexity have actively been taken away. Both him and the Veil are looking like they are the worst things to be in a story: pointless. Why introduce the Veil if it’s just going to remain unchanged? Why introduce a character like Solas, bother humanizing him (for lack of a better term), giving us his backstory, setting him up as a cunning antagonist, only to make him look stupid, then put him on a shelf until the last ten minutes of your game?

Solas was the trickster archetype of this tale. He was our version of Loki from Norse mythology. What is the role of the trickster archetype? To challenge the status quo. To bring about events of extreme change, like say, the tearing down of a Veil that holds back all of magic. Loki is a huge contributing factor in Ragnarök. Through his manipulation, he causes the death of the beloved god, Baldr. This ushers in a long winter, which signifies the beginning of the end. Loki is imprisoned for this crime. When the final battle between gods and giants begins, the sun and moon are swallowed, plunging the earth into darkness. The earth shakes and Loki is freed to fight on the side of the giants. The world burns in raw chaos, falls beneath the sea, and is reborn. The world is remade, and a new realm of the gods and a new, better earth is formed.

It really felt like this was the setup they were going for. Solas causes the death of Mythal, and this is his catalyst for creating the Veil, which ushers in a world without magic. This could be seen as equivalent to the long winter. Solas falls asleep, trapped in dreams. He wakes and sets in motion bringing about the apocalypse. It’s not a perfect one to one, but it’s there if you squint. We have a war against the gods in Veilguard. I was expecting a few remaining Titans to wake and join the fight. But we don’t get any of that. There is a final battle, but it does not end in the end of the world. Or a better world. It just ends, and everything is the same.

It seems our trickster god caused his apocalypse thousands of years before our story started, when he created the Veil. His role in this tale was over before ours began, and he really is just some relic from a long-past age. He has no role, no purpose in this story. He is here to be thwarted. He is no Loki at all.

If you can’t tell, I wanted the Veil to come down. Did I think the Veil coming down would be painless? Have no negative consequences? No. Of course not. But keeping it up has negative consequences too. And it made for an interesting story. Or at least it could have. But we never explore that. The game presents no counter argument to having the Veil stay up, which, again, begs the question: what was the point of introducing the concept of the Veil at all?

Did I think the Veil coming down was actually the best solution to help Thedas become a better place? I don’t know, and I never will, because the game never argues for it one way or another. It just tells you to want it in place and to stop asking questions. In real life, a catastrophic event is not the best way to solve any of the world’s problems. But this is the realm of fiction. We have gods and monsters, magic and myth. We have introduced the status quo of Thedas, recognized it needs to change, then our trickster god appears ready to fulfill his role in the narrative. 

Instead, it all comes to nothing.

I got to the end of Veilguard… and everything was more or less the same as it was at the start of Origins. Veilguard actually tries its hardest to pretend any previously mentioned problems don’t exist, so of course the Veil coming down has no merit. There are no problems to solve in this world, apparently. Solas is just stuck in the past and can’t get with the times. Silly Solas.

The Veil isn’t even a permanent solution. It wasn’t to begin with. It was some duct tape wrapped around a broken pipe, and we’ve just slapped an extra piece of tape on it. It’s still leaking. It is still unnatural, and will fall eventually one way or another. Large amounts of bloodshed weaken it, so I guess Thedas better achieve world peace real quick to avoid any battles. There were seven super-powered mages holding it together… now there is just one. Ironically, the Veil was going to fall after two more Blights anyway. The Wardens were doing Solas’s work for him! It would also have released the full force of the Blight at that time… which Solas was trying to avoid, I presume.

It feels like keeping the Veil up just pushed a big problem onto Thedas’ future generations. We’ll keep slapping bandaids on it until it all falls apart. Someone else can deal with the fallout, but we’ll be dead by then, so who cares.

Primarily, I wanted the Veil to come down from a storytelling perspective. The Veil was an interesting concept and I wanted the story to do something interesting with it. Conflict is what makes stories stories and the Veil coming down could create so much compelling and complex conflict. And the Fade is weird, and I like weird. Stories are also about change, and I wanted to see Thedas change. Yet, Veilguard is over, and barely anything has changed. Instead of magic coming back being a conflict for the next game, they went with Fantasy Illuminati. Oh.

The Veil turned out to be a nothing-burger, and no problems in this world are even close to being solved. Slavery is still rampant in Tevinter. The elven people are still oppressed everywhere. Mages have no more rights in the South than they did in Origins. Spirits are still trapped and being corrupted. The Calling still exists, though might be different somehow now? They don’t really get into that. The Chantry’s validity is still not allowed to be questioned. The Blight still exists in some form, but again it’s vague. Oh, and we learn the dwarves have been gravely wronged, and the Titans are still tranquil. At least if you redeem Solas and a romanced Lavellan joins him, they can work together on healing the Blight and helping the Titans. Oh, good. One problem is being acknowledged and some action will be taken. Offscreen. Hurray? Solas doesn’t have a really great track record of fixing problems, so Lavellan is definitely going to need to be there to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up.

For some reason, this game seemed terrified of letting us think about anything for more than two seconds. It shied away from complexity or nuance at every turn. The game is called The Veilguard—ironically, that word is never uttered in the game—but we are given no real motive for guarding the Veil. We’re unquestionably the hero. The villains are uncomplicatedly evil. Save the world… never wonder what you are doing or why.

I wanted the game to make me question if the Veil staying up or coming down was the right choice. I needed to be given a real counter argument. Convince me the alternative would actually be better or worse, because as I mentioned… things suck quite a bit in Thedas already for a lot of people right now. Let the Veil’s fate be a difficult choice to make. If the conflict cannot be what to do about the Veil, it should be am I doing the right thing about the Veil. If the heart of your game is so thin on motive, everything else falls apart around it.

I hoped they were setting up a complex, Thedas-sized existential conflict for this game in Trespasser, but no. I wanted something to happen, but nothing did. 

I want to feel challenged and changed by a story, not left feeling empty. I’m tired of superficial entertainment. I want to sink my teeth into a narrative that doesn’t paint the world in broad strokes of black and white, good and evil, heroes and villains.

Ultimately, I think my issue is why even introduce a concept like The Veil if you’re not going to do anything interesting with it. Or anything at all. What I thought was Chekov’s Veil turned out to just be a MacGuffin. And that’s disappointing.

[cantcompetewhereudontcompare]

In the Louis/Liam Gallagher post, you mentioned writing a post on Louis being a homophobic bully

You then said this:

"Louis cheated on Hannah with Eleanor and at first Hannah didn't know, so she and Louis were on good terms, but she has been openly very negative about Louis ever since late 2011."

Do you remember Hannah's brother tweeted that Hannah had caught him cheating with a man? And before that, while Louis was on X factor someone tweeted that Louis had bullied another boy at the school for being gay. That, and your other comment below

"think he's still trying to market himself this way because deep down he still wants the acceptance of his high school buddies and other men like them"

seems to represent, in my opinion, someone who willingly mocks gay men, or those who don't fit into a particular role, because it's not deemed cool by his friends. I'm not trying to turn this into a "is he gay, is he straight" discussion but reading your post, breaking down his people pleaser personality in a way, has me thinking that if he was gay or bi, he wouldn't want to come out because it wouldn't be seen as "cool" by his friends, or fit in with his faux Liam Gallagher tough guy persona. I think the only reason he stayed close to his Doncaster friends is because they're the only friendships he had so he feels the need to impress them. He didn't seem to bond with or make long lasting friendships in his time in the band. Sure he had Zayn, Liam and so on, but there isn't a real genuine friendship between him and anyone outside the band from that time.... compared to someone like harry who was always networking

I think his sexuality is somewhat important in all of this Liam Gallagher wannabe character he's playing because it seems to mirror his behaviour in high school (bullying gay people to fit in with his friends and putting on an act, and now he's laying on this chav act very thick to replicate his friends' behaviours to fit in. Seems to be a pattern)

I understand this message might be crossing a line discussing sexuality, but I would be interested in your opinion on how he wishes to be perceived by his friends, and the bullying claims

I'm going to quote stuff you say to answer, because this is very long.

Do you remember Hannah's brother tweeted that Hannah had caught him cheating with a man?

This didn't happen. Louis cheated on Hannah with Eleanor, not with a man. How do I know this? Well, Alana Burton.

Harry started working at W. Mandeville, a bakery in Holmes Chapel, when he was fourteen years old. Alana also worked there, she's from a nearby town that I'm not gonna name out of respect for the fact that she's not a celebrity and is quite private (Larries have spread this, though). Alana is two years older than Harry, so after a while working together, she moved to Manchester to go to university. She met Eleanor Calder there and they became roommates.

Harry then got put in 1D, they came in third in the X Factor, and then they toured with the rest of the contestants of that season. These are some of the X Factor tour dates:

Harry invited Alana to go to one of their shows — we don't know which one (presumably one of the Manchester shows). Alana brought friends, Eleanor being one of them. This is why they've always said that Louis introduced Louis and Eleanor.

Larries interpreted Harry being uncomfortable about this as him being heartbroken or jealous... No, he was probably perfectly aware of the fact that Louis had cheated. Harry got along really well with Hannah.

Larries also lied and said that Harry didn't get on with Eleanor, but that's absolutely not true.

This is Harry and Eleanor hanging out a few years ago. And yes, that's Eleanor. This is the pub right next to Harry's house, which Eleanor is been known to frequent. You could also see her dad in the video.

Anyway, tangent over.

This is the story Alana herself tells to her friends. There was a Larrie here a while ago who openly talked about this because she allegedly met one of Alana's friends. She gave details that the fandom didn't have at the time, like the fact that it happened during the X Factor tour.

Why did she do this? Well, when confirmed that he was about to become a father, Larries created a disgusting blog with "receipts" where everyone would submit theirs. She tried to use this as a receipt against the validity of Louis and Eleanor (I don't remember what her logic at the time was) and it backfired. As far as I'm aware, the posts are deleted. I THINK this is the Larrie that spread the "receipt":

I can't find anything else about this on her blog, but I'm pretty sure it was her and she just deleted everything. This is one of the OG huge Larrie blogs talking about it years later:

I don't generally take what Larries say seriously, but the fact is that all of these things align with what members of the band have said, with Harry hanging out with Alana (even their families together, as per the pictures I posted above), and with things I detailed in a second.

I mean, Louis himself had already sort of said it to Seventen Magazine (July 2012):

He didn't tell the entire story because in March 2011, Louis was still VERY MUCH with Hannah. In fact, she posted this pic on Easter, a month later:

And they wouldn't break up until July. Hannah took a break from Twitter July 17. I can't post her tweets because her account has been deactivated for years but I can post fan reactions to her tweets:

This next screenshot I could find on Google. Read it bottom to top, it starts July 17 and ends July 24. But basically, after her Twitter break, on July 24, Hannah vaguely referenced that she and Louis had broken up but that they were on good terms, to which Louis agreed.

Obviously, at the time, Hannah had no idea that Louis had met Eleanor several months prior and had... let's call it "kept in touch." Stanley Lucas was one of Louis' best friends (Louis even bought Stan a car). This screenshot was taken in 2015, when Eleanor briefly reactivated her Facebook after she and Louis broke up. Stan had a private profile, but a fan had a friend in common with him and...

(Don't ask me for the source of the screenshot because it's completely lost to time. I just tend to save stuff. I actually found this buried in my Google photos account recently when I was cleaning up).

The timing is........ incredible. And to make matters worse, Eleanor's cousin, Emily, was a huge 1D fan since their X Factor days. She was kept in the dark about Eleanor and Louis knowing each other until after he and Hannah broke up and almost immediately:

I can't embed for some reason, but here's the link

He also followed her on Twitter and called her on the phone:

As far as she was aware, at this point, Louis and Eleanor were "just friends" and she wouldn't find out they were an item until it became public knowledge. Why? Because, well, she was a child, and she was a 1D fan, so she knew perfectly well that Louis had a girlfriend until LITERALLY two weeks prior to following her.

Larries took Emily's lack of knowledge of the situation as "proof" of it being all fake, instead of the fact that she was lied to and told 1% of the information. She was told that Louis and Eleanor had known each other for a while, but she didn't have the full context:

Sugarscape, a popular media outlet at the time that had a lot of interviews with 1D, said that someone spotted Louis with a brunette girl at V Festival (August 20/21 2011). I can't find the original article because Sugarscape has gone offline since then, but I can find an archived version of a second article where they reference it, a year later:

Eleanor confirmed it was her:

Sugarscape wrote this second article because Louis had given an interview where he said that he and Eleanor didn't know how long they'd been together:

Larries also used this as proof that their relationship was fake, but... he couldn't say how long they'd been together BECAUSE THEY CHEATED. Not because he "didn't know" or because "he didn't care" or any other Larrie-backward-ass-logic. He did know, but if he admitted it, he was basically spelling out that he had cheated on his ex for months.

Notice how Sugarscape corrects Louis, who said they'd been together for 6-8 months. They're like "no, actually, it's at least 11." And, no, actually, it's MORE.

So, when you say that Hannah's brother said Louis cheated with a man.... no girl. He cheated with Eleanor. At first, Hannah didn't know, but she probably did realize it eventually, and that's why her brother was upset. This is what he said (a year+ after the breakup, and a month after the Sugarscape article I linked):

He used a gay slur, and that's why Larries say that George accused Louis of cheating with a man, but that's... not true. You can see from his profile picture that he was a literal child. He most likely just used that slur because it was the worst word he could think of and had no idea what the implications were. Louis had been with Eleanor, very openly, for a year. They were first spotted together in September 2011. Eleanor then confirmed that they were together IN AUGUST.

You think that Louis not only had a parallel relationship with a man, but also that his ex girlfriend's little brother (I think he was literally, like, 12), knew about it and tweeted about it openly?

And the proof of this is one word that can be very easily explained with logic? As opposed the mountains of proof of the opposite? Not that OG Larry blog believed George was alluding to Louis cheating with a man, and she was so delusional, she believed that Hannah was "a friend who was doing Louis a favor."

And before that, while Louis was on X factor someone tweeted that Louis had bullied another boy at the school for being gay.

"Someone" didn't tweet this. Three separate people did, over the course of eight years, including the gay boy himself. One day I'll make a post about it.

That, and your other comment below "think he's still trying to market himself this way because deep down he still wants the acceptance of his high school buddies and other men like them" seems to represent, in my opinion, someone who willingly mocks gay men, or those who don't fit into a particular role, because it's not deemed cool by his friends.

Or because he's an asshole? Just saying.

I'm not trying to turn this into a "is he gay, is he straight" discussion

You absolutely are, babe. Own up to it. Louis has said he's straight, and there's literally no reason whatsoever to believe he's lying or that has changed.

but reading your post, breaking down his people pleaser personality in a way, has me thinking that if he was gay or bi, he wouldn't want to come out because it wouldn't be seen as "cool" by his friends, or fit in with his faux Liam Gallagher tough guy persona.

I know it's painful to accept the fact that an artist you like is an asshole, but you're doing too much. He's straight. He didn't cheat with a man — a child simply called him the f slur because he thought it was a good insult. He cheated with a woman, has consistently dated women, he got a woman pregnant. He used to pile girls into vans while leaving clubs wasted and high off his face. He's straight and he's an asshole. He's not secretly gay and trying to fit in.

What you're doing is called self-soothing.

I think the only reason he stayed close to his Doncaster friends is because they're the only friendships he had so he feels the need to impress them. He didn't seem to bond with or make long lasting friendships in his time in the band. Sure he had Zayn, Liam and so on, but there isn't a real genuine friendship between him and anyone outside the band from that time.... compared to someone like harry who was always networking

I can actually agree with this, in terms of him feeling the need to impress his friends. But this doesn't justify his treatment of that boy or make it any less embarrassing. He's a grown man. Can I empathize? Sure. Can I also say that he should work on it? Absolutely.

I think his sexuality is somewhat important in all of this Liam Gallagher wannabe character he's playing because it seems to mirror his behaviour in high school (bullying gay people to fit in with his friends and putting on an act, and now he's laying on this chav act very thick to replicate his friends' behaviours to fit in. Seems to be a pattern)

He's straight. There's absolutely no reason whatsoever to think he's not straight. He's 100% straight. He bullied gay people because he's a dick. And it's not the only homophobic thing he has done. He literally kicked rainbow flags off the stage for no fucking reason in the middle of concerts, and his friends were nowhere near when this was happening:

This is a gay 1D fan who tweeted about it one of the multiple times it happened:

As I said, one day I'll make a post... this is just one of the many many things he's done.

I understand this message might be crossing a line discussing sexuality, but I would be interested in your opinion on how he wishes to be perceived by his friends, and the bullying claims

It's not crossing a line. You're fine. It's just that you're not well-informed, which I'll chalk up to the fact that disinformation runs rampant in this fandom. It's why I made this blog lmao. I can't blame someone who (I'm assuming) comes in later and sees all the random things people took out of context. But... yeah. Louis is not a poor self-hating gay. He's just a dick.

[jimmycarterghostland]

I finished my Worm read days ago. I'm going to discuss how I feel about the entire story as a whole here.

Some background: I discovered the web serial Worm years ago. I was either searching for the longest story or was searching for one that was one million words long. Either way, one of those things led me to Worm. Instead of reading it properly, I spoiled a bunch of stuff about it for myself, and would read random scenes out of order. And I would look up Reddit posts about the story. I tried giving it a proper read years back, but didn't get very far.

Months ago, I started that proper beginning-to-end read. A couple of days ago, I finished that read. I read the entirety of Worm. And it was worth it.

Before I started that read, I thought the Travelers were pretty cool. I ended up resenting them during my read. Not only were they rude to Taylor, but the Travelers didn't even like each other. That made it even harder for me to care about them, because they showed no care for anyone else.

Heartbreaker and his children, the Heartbroken, fulfilled this very specific trope of mine that probably doesn't even have a name. I don't know why, but I love it when a fictional male character has a lot of children by different women, making those children have a lot of half-siblings. Thragg from the Invincible comics fulfilled this trope too.

Heartbreaker was a villain I wanted to see a lot more of. He definitely had a lot of potential. I wish Wildbow had given him a bigger role in the story. I don't even think Heartbreaker had any dialogue. I wish Accord had had a bigger role, too, because he was another minor villain I found interesting, but at least Accord still had a decent amount of appearances in the story.

Speaking of Heartbreaker, his two kids Regent and Cherish were interesting. I actually liked Regent a lot. I was surprised that Cherish genuinely hated him and that the feeling was mutual. For a while, I thought that Cherish was going to betray the Slaughterhouse Nine and maybe team up with Regent and develop a friendly bond with him. I wanted that to happen. It didn't happen, though. Cherish ended up getting a fate worse than death. I feel bad for her, to be honest. I wouldn't wish her fate on my worst enemy.

I wish Regent had survived. He was a cool character. RIP.

My favorite character was Tattletale. At first, anyway. I think Taylor was my favorite by the end of the story.

Worm is the only superhero novel I've read. Reading it was nostalgic for me. When I was a kid, I loved reading superhero comics and watching superhero movies. The X-Men comics, movies, etc. is my favorite superhero fiction. Reading Worm fed my childhood obsession with superheroes. In general, people with superpowers forming teams and fighting other people with superpowers is something I love to watch or read. My own web serial, which I'm currently rewriting, has that.

I loved the dialogue in Worm. It was one of my favorite things about it. Those chapters during the final battle, when Taylor couldn't understand English, the lack of dialogue was a pain. Not just because a lack of dialogue can be boring, but also because Wildbow writes dialogue so well. I loved it when the characters in Worm would just talk to each other. And I love how characters tended to have unique vocabulary. Sometimes it fit their personality too, like Skidmark and his love for disgusting, inappropriate speech, because he's a disgusting, inappropriate person.

Something I had a problem with, though: a lot of times it wasn't clear which character was talking, and sometimes it was clear which character was talking but wasn't clear which one they were talking to during a group conversation. All of that happened a lot in Worm. Sometimes a dialogue tag would've been nice, with either a name or a pronoun.

The introspection was great. The inner thoughts of the characters never felt repetitive or anything. Sometimes certain phrases were used too much, like "The object was long as he/she was tall". And there were other repetitive phrases, but the introspection always felt fresh. I never had the impression a character was thinking the same thing took much.

Wildbow uses similes pretty well. I loved his descriptions. Sometimes I would read a sentence or a paragraph and understand exactly what a character was feeling. There was this one part when Taylor describes the terror she felt being like a gun being pointed at her for a long time, with her fear not rising or going down. I wish I could find that paragraph again.

The characters. The characters in Worm were amazing. They were so diverse with their own unique beliefs and motivations. It was realistic. A lot of them felt like real people. And there's some great character development. And because a bunch of the characters repeatedly make appearances throughout the novel, you see a lot of them and they make the book feel realer, and more "lived-in".

Worm is technically a multiple point of view novel. It's mainly told from Taylor's point of view, but it has a bunch of other narrators too. Wildbow is a master of multiple POV, which is also my favorite point of view to read and to write. The narrators in Worm have personalities and beliefs that show in the writing. Wildbow knows how to use introspection to demonstrate that. In the racist Hookwolf's interlude, he refers to Shatterbird as the racist term for her race, because he is racist. His inner thoughts fit his character. A non-racist character in Worm wouldn't have used that term. They would have used the proper word for Shatterbird's race. Hookwolf also has a hatred for cornrows, which is another example of his racism. When I read Hookwolf's interlude, I really got the sense that he was racist. Good job, Wildbow.

Worm has a lot of great instances of "show, don't tell". Like when he describes Leviathan as moving slower, because he's weaker, but Wildbow doesn't explicitly say that Leviathan was getting weaker. I loved that. Sometimes the reader has to figure things out for themself. There were some satisfying instances where Wildbow didn't spell out the obvious. I liked that.

I like how smart the characters were. Fictional characters being hopelessly stupid is something I really hate, but there was none of that in Worm. It was like everyone in this book was smart. Smart characters acting genuinely smart makes fiction more thrilling and fun to read or watch. It was satisfying to read intelligent characters showing actual cleverness. There was none of that "This character is stated to be smart but never does anything smart" nonsense.

One example of a character being genuinely clever in Worm is when Coil asks Dinah the chance of various individuals in their group, including themselves, surviving an upcoming attack, after she says there's a chance she will die in the next half-hour. The percentages is around the same for each of them. Coil does this to see if the attack will be an attack on all of them as a whole. This was clever. Another smart moment is when Taylor deliberately confuses Bonesaw to delay her attempt to get to Taylor's brain(which Taylor doesn't want to happen. Bonesaw is a really bad person). This moment probably wasn't extremely clever, but I think in real life most people would just pointlessly beg the bad guy to stop instead of actively trying to delay them.

Characters in Worm use their powers intelligently during fights, and that's what made reading this novel even more fun. It was intriguing.

I also love the stakes gradually get higher. The most dangerous villain is fought at the end, which is a good thing. Because the final battle in a book or other piece of media should be when the stakes are highest. If Scion was defeated in the middle of the novel and Lung was the final enemy to defeat instead, that would've been a terrible writing decision by Wildbow. Villainous Scion was much more of a threat than Lung was.

I really loved this novel. I wish more books were as great as this one. Worm is actually the web serial that made me start taking web serial seriously. I hope I will someday write a serial that's as great as Worm.

My rating for Worm:

4 out of 5 stars.

[messiahzzz]

while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

[finienjoyer]

hello!! those are some really interesting points, but i desagree with some of them, and here's why!

i take it that most of your complaints are regarding the kid's friendly plot, but really, we have to remember this IS a kid's show. and i do know that a lot of kid's shows are incredibly deep and sometimes even dark, but they are still for kids! i guess i never expected any major suffering from the show because it never promised that!

i do agree with you on the major character's deaths - lujanne and harrow simply make 0 sense. grief is part of life, even for kids, which makes it a very important thing to show, and the fact that dead people simply don't seem to die is really frustrating. however, regarding other main characters, i find some comfort in knowing that they will never die, even when really close to it, as happens with callum.

that's the thing about media - it hits differently for different people. i don't mind having a "happy ever after" ending, and i don't think that it was unrealistic with the shows' expectations! although i understand that it can feel hollow for some people. and that's ok too! but there's the thing we have to focus on: is the show really the problem, or do you just not like that genre? i personally love that childish problem solving, and it was all i expected from tdp.

as for the cliffhanger: it didn't really bother me as i watched, but now that you mention it, i guess it was something way too important for the plot to leave it unsolved (i mean, aaravos IS the plot). but i also don't mind some cliffhangers at the finale of shows cause it opens room for imagination, and there is space for us as a fandom to still make content about it, even when it's over.

i really enjoyed the season too! anyway, that's my take :)

(obs.: this isn't an attack to the op, just an addition to the discussion!)

TDP season 7 spoilers***

Ok just it was good. It was good I enjoyed it. It seemed a lot more focused than previous seasons but like I'm also really annoyed. I know they wanted to have an arc 3 but it genuinely feels like they set up all these things and then they didn't resolve any of them. They spent so long in previous seasons lollygagging just to not follow through. Like Aaravos is dead but not really and Claudia is somewhere waiting for Aaravos. But like really? It feels like more of a cliffhanger than arc one and really unsatisfying. I mean like come on! I want an arc 3 and I know a bunch of people do too, but genuinely I don't think it will happen man. I wish the ending was a little more fulfilling.

Such as Callum's sacrifice, you cannot spend a good 10-20 minutes soley on the devastation that it is to just not follow through or leave some consequences! Like I know that if Aaravos comes back, he's vulnerable but like we might never see those sacrifices! And it feels cheap to build it up and just do nothing with it. They keep teasing us with Dark Magic Callum and I need them to follow through for once.

When they said people might die, I thought people we really connected to would die. Like Lujanne! But no! Only the Archdragons. (and Karim, but he's stupid) and like I love Zubeia as much as the next person but like COME ON. How did Lujanne not die!? It's like they introduced stakes but never actually pulled away from the kid friendly plot armor. WHY ARE WE GETTING HARROW BACK!? THEY'VE MOVED ON! Is it not cheap to bring back all of the main casts' parents? There are no consequences from season 1! I get bringing back Runaan, but Harrow too? Just let them grieve and move on! Let people stay dead! (I am glad that Viren is staying dead tho.... like it's about time)

Also Karim is as infuriating and boring as always. Like I'm so glad that if arc 3 comes we don't have to deal with his bs again. Like I saw the getting crushed twist a mile away but like fair enough.

I'm sure some people are annoyed about the ships but like it's fine. They had moments but honestly I was more invested in the Aaravos.

Ezran made me mad but in a good way. He frustrates me but I'm glad he got some character development for once. But like bruuhhhhhhh the Nova blade made me so mad. They're just squeezing Ezran into the plot at that point. Like oh shoot , Ezran should be at the final battle! Let's uhhhh give Zym super speed. Obviously it was cool but also unnecessary. Why introduce the Nova Blade if a dragon bite can kill him? It seems a little redundant.

I know this is a lot of complaints but I genuinely really enjoyed the season. The ending is what really got me worked up. It was fun and I think they've finally found the perfect middleground of weird filler ish stuff and actual plot. I do really hope there will be a 3rd arc.

[fumifooms]

do you happen to have that page that talks about the beauty standards of each race?

Yeah sure. While scavenging pics for this I found this neat reddit compilation & chart & theory talk too. I had um, way more to say than I anticipated (I know you only wanted the one page. I have nothing to say for myself. Like most topics in Dunmeshi things snowball because they’re so interconnected. Mercy…) so, many races and observations are only mentioned near the bottom.

Beauty standards and race in Dungeon Meshi

Not pictured there’s also how elven society is harsh on visibly disabled people, and how the demon took away Mithrun’s silver eyes and ears to take away his pride. There’s also how Senshi might have fit in with the orcs more easily because of the dwarven wide body shape, and how they tend to have more body hair too I suppose. In the extra on orcs we see Senshi living with the orcs and he gets judged because of the hierarchy rather than his looks.

What is fashionable also differs from culture to culture, and there’s how tattoos only seem common with elves, though dwarves and others do also sometimes have some. They seem to not raise much brows, which makes sense since for many essentially they’re for professional (magical) purposes especially with elves. Gender roles also differ in type and importance, but generally they are similar to irl ones for the races we see. Elven society seems to be the least gendered, which would be an unsurprising logical outcome of having lesser sexual dimorphism aka they look more androgynous. Comparing fashions and gender roles and how they affect beauty standards would be a whole other compilation and conversation. Kui has great worldbuilding partially because she’s got such a good grasp on sociopolitics and geopolitics. History affects cultures and beauty standards greatly. Kui’s oneshot Distant Utopia was very eye opening on her way to worldbuild and the consideration she gives these things, I do really recommend reading it.

Out of the big 5, we know the least about gnomes, but their sheet does say both culture and region are similar to dwarves’ and they end up being confused together often, so we can imagine the beauty standards are similar to dwarves’ as well.

I wanted to touch on this in a post eventually, but how one daydream hour page said half-foots tended to be curvaceous like in the artwork below puzzled me for a long time, all the half-foot characters we see during canon are rather slender and lanky after all, Chil’s succubi also being more curvy than plump. Economics are for sure a factor in that I imagine, the half-foots characters we see are all implied to be some flavor of poor or malnourished, as are half-foots depicted as empoverished oppressed minorities in general. Even comparing the artwork with the half-foot sheet’s depicted average half-foot, the ones on the left seem bigger. Wouldn’t it make sense though, if unlike dwarves half-foots don’t have similar naturally wide bodies, yet due to idolizing dwarves they work towards having a similar body shape/type to emulate them?

It’s said half-foots tend to stick to pretty ethnically homogeneous regions (aka half-foots-only communities) unless they move to the big city with ambition to try and make it big (like Chilchuck and his wife & kids did), and that’s interesting imo because then that would mean that in a ton of half-foot communities, they rarely see or interact with dwarves whom they try to emulate. Of course, one thing about beauty standards is that when they get adopted, at one point it stops being "this is how dwarves look and so this is how half-foots should look" and just becomes "this is how half-foots should look", most people feel as though beauty standards aren’t learned but innate, so I figure the half-foots wouldn’t have any problem still seeking dwarvish traits when there are no dwarves around.

There’s also stuff you can glean here and there if you want to extrapolate more. Like how in the race swap artworks, Mickbell is only smiling in the dwarf portrait, and Rin’s elven portrait looks very close to her elven one- Rin who is stated to be beautiful in her profile blurb. Benichidori’s extra does teach us tallmen can definitely have harsh beauty standards, but also since the text portrays her as very dysmorphic that’s likely reflected in her thoughts to a much more intense degree than is common, not an accurate strict baseline to go off. Ah, Kabru’s blue eyes are also why he and his mother lived a rough life in Kabru’s hometown, but that seems to be regional. Good post here on the topic of Kabru’s blue eyes and ties to irl history. There’s a lot to be said about Kabru being a man that in many ways is close to elven beauty standards, and how that might have affected or been affected by his upbringing with elves + his persona as someone that can effortlessly charm most people. Marcille’s section here in this essay also goes into Marcille’s struggles to fit in with the ideal image of an elf.

Looking human

Also notable are beastkins and demihumans: Demihumans are all dehumanized which makes people treat them worse. So if you differ from the visual idea of "human" (an in-world subjective categorization just as much as demihuman is) most people do judge you negatively. Elves and dwarves get to fight about which type of human is considered the prettiest, but demihumans are below tallmen and half-foots, they are considered as simply below the beauty contest, incompatible with it.

Onis are perhaps the demihuman people we know of with the least cultural influence on the dunmeshi world, and with the least intensely different appearance than other demihumans—they seem to be technically categorized as human to people not from the eastern archipelago?— but even them are treated as lesser than human, treated as beasts to slain for reputation points or useful strength to have around and command. It’s said their "magnificient horns" and fangs are often shaven off when the oni lives in tallman towns, so you could easily make the argument that onis are denied the right to have their own beauty standards, having to conform to other people’s and going through mutilation to take away features they might otherwise have taken pride in. Inutade was bought by the Nakamotos from a dangerous sumo fighting ring that got one of Inutade’s tooth broken on her first and only fight, and kept as a low ranking servant ever since. Remember when I said different fashions existed in dunmeshi and how those could also affect beauty standards? Like the elves, if you look at the portraits pages which include a lot of characters that aren’t in the story you can see distinct cultures within the same races, for example one young elf is bald which is in sharp contrast with the usual elven long luscious hairstyles, and that’s especially true for onis I think. Maybe not only from different regions but different eras as well… They have a bit of population in the very north of the western continent, so I like to think some of the ogres live in very cold, maybe even subarctic or arctic conditions. The point I’m getting at here is that within a race, culture/ethnicity like with Kabru will also influence them it isn’t just tallmen as a whole, different communities will have differing beauty standards. The oni history blurb and third row first collumn portrait remind me of Mongolia (which historically was a lot of different nomadic communities with different cultural identities as well. Something something, the oni empire experienced a decline and then tallmen overpowered them, and now they’re governed and split apart by stronger social classes & slavers and the richness of culture was hurt for it especially if they have no real community left of their own), but obviously many of them are dressed and look rather japanese, makes sense considering living in/close to Wa, and first row second collumn portrait reminds me of ainus which again would be logical considering geographical placement, though I’m far from an expert. Interestingly, ainus are indigenous people both in Japan and Russia- Perhaps the northern western continent ogres are meant to be closer to Russia than Canada like I imagined? Ok tangent over.

The kobold sheet says they’re especially sought after as slaves because they’re "adorable", but locally in the western continent they’re repeatedly said to be seen more as ferocious and dangerous. The dehumanization is most apparent in the first comic below. The language barrier and conflicts no doubt worsen this by a lot, but I think it’d be hard to deny that their canine appearance makes the dehumanization worse. "They’re ferocious beasts, they’re demihumans, they can’t be communicated with". Most characters in Dungeon Meshi’s world are desensitized to slavery and most characters are prejudiced one way or another. Point being, kobolds are fully removed from human beauty standards, but no doubt for kobolds, other kobolds are more beautiful than humans are. They’re assumed to be an uncivilized bunch, but just like any other people they like to adorn themselves with nice clothes and jewelry and keep themselves clean and groomed; they too take care of their appearance and take pride in it.

And the orcs! This one we have the most contact with in canon, with not only there being foreigner characters from the ethnicity or hearsay of their homelands and culture but full on contact with a community. We get to see up close what they’re like and what they think, and of course in turn they’re our introduction to how demihumans are harshly looked down upon and seen as inferior, less human and thus less worth valuing and less dignified. It’s text that orcs are ugly to most humans and humans are ugly to most orcs. Since I judged they didn’t need accompanying explanation the pictures showing this are in the pictures dump at the top.

God forbid you sell vegetables to orcs my god- but then again they do basically mandate adventurers to kill any orcs they come across so yeah the world isn’t above that even a little bit.

So yes, my main point here is simply that orcs are yet another evidence of the physical ideal of "human" being an important beauty standard for human societies globally.

Izutsumi is our glimpse at how beastkins are treated in the world, and in Wa at least that’s ending up being caged and mistreated as part of a freak show. Izutsumi hates her appearance and wishes she could leave the feline part of herself behind to only be human. Interestingly, not that we have a lot of info on them so this is very much a take with a grain of salt situation, but there seems to be less stigma around artificial beastmen, those who can shapeshift at will. The main difference is of course appearance, that most of the time they simply look like average tattooed humans. Artificially creating humans is an illegal practice, and no doubt it’s not well regarded, but being able to hide that makes them less likely to be discriminated at any moment, or even just discriminated less intensely. Again, looking human is important, not only for belonging but for safety’s sake. Beauty standards rule the world with harsh hands.

Mermaids and fishmen

Ok we’re done now right? Right-! But wait… Wait…! Mermaids and fishmen are said to be demihumans too, special separate cases to the main three demihuman species however, which is also represented by how mermaids and fishmen both are in the Adventurer’s Bible chapter Monsters meanwhile ogres, kobolds and orcs are in the chapter World. They’re an interesting topic because they directly tackle this topic, not only in a meta way for the readers but also making characters themselves struggle to quantify their humanity with the goal of knowing wether they should be eaten or not, especially Chilchuck. Chilchuck’s "is it really just a matter of feelings?" mini arc.

The party asking themselves "Should we eat this?" is very common, and often they end up playing a little loose on morality, like eating the red dragon’s meat despite it having digested Falin. Not unsimilarly Marcille freaks out a little over the vegetables they harvested having been grown with fertilizer, aka largely human poo. Half of the motivation of "should we eat this perhaps sentient creature" is out of consideration and compassion, but more strongly and more often, the characters struggle with a sense of taboo at eating something too closely related to humans. Even, feel uncomfortable because of the deepseated impression that eating it would dirty them in some way. Cannibalism is an interesting and relevant topic in many ways, but what I want to mention is how there’s the more or less universal belief that committing cannibalism inherently taints you as a person and turns you more monstrous, morally but also literally depending on some myths such as w*ndigos and onis in some cases, like in Touge Oni. Marcille and Izutsumi both express a fear of eating monsters turning them monstrous. Maybe this is part of what Laios was hoping for, honestly. There are two fears here, if eating a demihuman monster constitutes as cannibalism or not, and so, will eating it taint you because it’s a human, or will eating it taint you because it’s a monster? You are what you eat, until it’s a little too literal. You morally are the means by which you get your food, and you physically are the result of your nutrition. Dungeon meshi manages to mix an exploration of humanity with the theme of food because our relationship to food is very deep and complex, psychological as much as physiological.

In the end, the characters sort of shrug and accept that they’ll never quite understand the world of mermaids and fishmen and how they operate, and what that means about them. Laios is the one always challenging these notions other characters take for granted, it’s not obvious to Laios why people are softer on mammals than other animals and plants, it’s not obvious to Laios why people would be afraid of eating a monster just because it’s a monster, it’s not obvious to Laios why some food is gross to Marcille but not fish testicles, it’s not obvious to Laios why you should immediately regard orcs and kobolds badly.

"Cows are probably closer to humans [aka closer to being human] than fishmen, though they’re clearly intelligent", dehumanization to lessen empathy towards them to be able to eat them. Meanwhile, mermaids seemingly have a less noticeable "civilization" or intelligence, they hunt in groups like fishmen, but they don’t use tools and such, they feel more primal and similarly instinct driven, and yet… Do they attract sympathy more? Mammals, humans, is it because of their nature or because of their appearance?

Both the nature and appearance of fish are ones people don’t typically sympathize with. "Fish don’t feel pain", "goldfish only have 5 seconds of memory", "it’s okay to keep fish in completely empty bowls too small for them until they die from it", so many lies and misconceptions exist that make people less considerate of them. The average lifespan of a goldfish is 10-15 years, the record is 43, but they’re not seen as lives that really matter, so a lot of goldfish die in a few weeks of bad aquarium conditions. There’s a lot of research on animals evolving to look cute and appealing to make some predators want to kill them less and parents want to care for them more, including humans. First good google research result gave me this credible short article on the topic. In Chilchuck’s weighing wether a fishman is far enough from being human or not to eat, "face is 100% fish" is his biggest argument for it being more acceptable. The face, the most important thing for empathy and recognition. The face, the decapitated fishman one that falls into his hands next chapter.

To quote @room-surprise: "Chilchuck can't explain why it's wrong to eat the merpeople, even though it's NOT complicated. But the problem is Chilchuck would have to accept and acknowledge that the merpeople might be people? And that's outside of the worldview he passively believes, so he can't just say that, because he doesn't think that's true. But that IS why he "feels" it's wrong. And it's all you'd need to say for Laios to understand! But it would require acknowledging that maybe the way they're treating and talking about the merpeople is wrong."

The idea of Chil not being able to grapple with how maybe some monsters are more humans than they seem, him who had been an advocate of half-foots rights, half-foots who get undermined and treated as inconsequential sacrifices… Grappling with how he could relate to the merpeople’s situation almost, and pulling away because it’s so existentially horrifying. I do not want to see myself into an hostile fish-faced warrior I can’t communicate with. In a way this also relates to Chilchuck being the only party member who doesn’t see Izutsumi as a cat in the relationship chart, the only one to treat her with full human dignity. He knows the struggle to be taken seriously, he knows being infantilized and he knows what it’s like to be treated as less than human.

Below, you will see Chilchuck draws the line of where they become not okay to eat as when "they already look like mermaids". Above, there’s speculation that the algae hair is partly to mimic "the mermaids’ beautiful female form". Is it because mermaids are their enemies and the ambiguity might give them extra seconds to attack or flee? Is it to trick adventurers instead? It’s striking to me that this is what works, with the adventurers. Sure the fishmen are intelligent, but explicitly here, what makes them no longer acceptable prey to Chilchuck is that they look close enough to a mermaid, close enough to human. Mermaids who of course themselves have this form to entice and seduce and charm the adventurers they prey on. Chilchuck considers the intelligence due to the tridents, but most of his internal debate centers around their appearance, and the image of a fishman skewered sickens him. The power of mimicry… Mimic being a beautiful human woman. Mimic being cute, babies being wired to make us feel protective and softened. Half-foots, sometimes pretending to be children for scams or help or avoiding trouble.

The mermaids are only concerned by their differences and not their similarities, and have no trouble treating the fishmen as food rather than peers. To an outside perspective like us, the audience, all these categorization of "more human" and "less human" between onis and orcs and elves and tallmen etc seem stupid and unfounded, but to the people living in Dungeon Meshi’s world, elves may as well be mermaids while onis are fishmen, not alike at all, unworthy of empathy and thus fine to eat.

Ultimately, Dungeon Meshi promotes unity. It’s about seeking to understand the unknown and the misunderstood, the dehumanized and the inhuman. It shows the good that comes from seeking to understand what you do not, even when that’s one another.

[fairyroses]

He was about to kill you, Lex. Or divulge something you didn't want me to know.

— SMALLVILLE, "Forever" (4.21)

+ bonus from "Arctic" (7.20):