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seirei-bh · 3 months

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Jason Mendal's facade. Deep analysis about him: his past, traumas, ideologies and subsequent development -Theories

I'm going to try to do a deep analysis here about why Jason is the way he is and how he became the person he is now. At least the little info que got about him until ep 5. Before start to read, you have to keep in mind that although there is some canonical data here, there is also a lot of speculation on my part, so these theories may be refuted in future episodes.

I am going to talk here about all the possible reasons for how his behaviour is today, applied to his business, as well as to his relationships of rivalry, friendship and romance. About his ideas, mentality, his heart, and everything related to the little we know about his childhood, personality and way of behaving. It will be a long analysis with many points to discuss.

Backstory and possible traumas

To begin with, another theory about Jason that I have after ep 5 that I'm going to add to my huge list of theories about him (you can read them in some of my previous posts, like this one and others in my Jason's headcanons post) is that, regarding the big number of brief romantic partners he had, and why he doesn't want to have a long and stable romantic relationship with anyone, I think one of the reasons to that fear may also be related to the death of his father and with his own actual “perfect” life in general.

First, I mean the fact that his father died when he was a teenager has made me think that perhaps Jason's emotional situation could be similar to Anthony from Bridgerton series, who after losing his father and seeing how much his mother suffered from that loss, that created a trauma that made him never want to fall in love for fear of losing someone else whom he loves again and suffering for it.

Perhaps his mother had depression after the death of her husband, maybe because of this she neglected her son or even lost her job, so they even had financial problems, and Jason having to deal with tons of responsibilities since he was too young. That also made Jason become a person more focused on getting money and power at any price and as quickly as possible.

We do not know how his father died, it is most likely that it was due to a car accident or some serious illness. About Jason and his mother, I wonder if maybe they never got along, or if their relationship deteriorated after his father died. But regardless of that, the death of one of your parents in your teenage years is something that can affect you greatly. This makes me think about what kind of situation Jason would live in high school, I’ve the feeling that he wasn't very popular, or at least not at first, and that he was one of those people who go from being one of those who suffered bullying to those who end up bullying others as a wrong way to show that he could be stronger and thus create some popularity with which he would stop feeling alone and unprotected. I bet his "charming personality" started to come through here, and the death of his father had a lot to do with it. Being a person who did everything possible to try to fit in, even if he had to destroy others to do so.

I also wrote a long time ago in another post that it is possible that other children made fun of Jason at school for having white locks, and that he perhaps dyed his hair all brown for a long time, and that perhaps his poliosis was also a consequence of Waardenburg syndrome, which can have other consequences. Which would only add more insecurities to that little Jason and cause him to accumulate more resentment.

He saw all those popular boys at high school who were very confident guys, seemingly charming (even though they were really jerks), rich, dating with all the pretty girlfriends they want, and who had everything going well in their lives, while him, being a good and nerdy boy couldn't achieve anything and who felt more vulnerable than ever after losing his father, so he told himself that to succeed and be stronger that was the law of the jungle that prevailed and that he had to be not only like them, but better, imitating them and also later going further than them in life, whatever was the price to pay. Succeeding the unpleasant way.

To add here something more: Chinomiko said originally when New Gen was still in the previous High School ideas, Jason was a character like a “stupid comical villain”, so at least we can imagine he ended been being a jerk in his teenage years for sure. Probably the typical pathetic bully who likes to bother others, but since his character had the best glow up I also guess that now he's more complex than before too.

And all this will also manifest itself in being obsessed with the ideal of perfection and in projecting an image of himself of absolute self-confidence. Which would also make him start faking a perfect image not only at high school, later at work, but among his “friends” and with his romantic partners, so it would be exhausting for him and would end getting bored of them and don’t make him feel happy. But by the other hand, he’s afraid that a woman could find out his true self and be disappointed, so he prefers to hide his insecurity and prevent them from seeing them, ending the relationship as soon as possible.

It could also be possible that Jason's father, before he died, was a very humble and good man who had high expectations for his son and convinced him that he had to reach very high levels professionally, either because he positively supported this and had great dreams and hopes for the future of his son so he could have the better chances in life he couldn't achieve, maybe even his father was the one who had the dream about “Goldreamz” and had the desire to start his own company one day, OR on the contrary, because he was a cold man who put a lot of pressure on him to achieve excellence, because he had no expectation that his son couldn’t achieve anything like him (I think it's more probably the first option than this second one because the second one is too similar to Nathaniel's father, but who knows). Both which also led Jason to want to achieve a high professional goal, either so that his father could have been proud of him and make their dream come true, or because he wanted to show him that he could be better than the low expectations that his father had.

Someone may think that Jason getting "daddy issues" and most of his problems being caused because of this is very cliche or simple, but we have seen that before with other Mcl characters, whether due to negligence and parental abuse (Nathaniel's parents), due to little attention and abandonment (Castiel's parents, Nina's father) or due to the death of their parents or one of the parental figures (Lysander, Armin and Alexy's biological parents, or Violette's mother), so I think it wouldn't be so strange for Jason to have a trauma related to that and that a lot of things that he try to goal in his life were in some way related to that, same about why he has that behaviour in his relationships.

Another thing: Jason mentions in ep 5 that his parents were not millionaires, and his birthday was rather modest. He is quite dry and serious when mentioning this, which makes me think that it is a detail of his life that he doesn’t like to talk about, since he may consider it a weakness. And it doesn't surprise me, since Jason couldn't set up the company alone, he needed the help of various private investors to whom he now owes money and favors. Also in his description he says that he likes expensive brand clothes and numbers (I guess this refers to money, not maths XD) So the fact of appearing to be a man with a lot of money is something that probably has him obsessed, and that it has cost him a lot of sacrifice to achieve, and he may also have still debts to those investors, but he does his best to pretend that everything in life is going very very well. He won’t want his rivals, his companions, or any flirt to find out that there are things in his life that are either not going so well or have not gone well in the past. (I’m not saying he’s broke, but I mean he’s not so rich as Amanda, despite of he tries to do his best to look like that, especially because all his company investors are probably rich men of very high category, high social standards you know), basically about this Jason is a bit like Jordan in The wolf of wall street movie, in the sense of someone who started very low in the social scale and ended up climbing to the top, according to him with clean methods, but who knows if he or any of his investors actually have any illegal secrets about his finances, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case and Jason purposely ignored this, since he himself said in ep 5 that he didn't know how some of his workers did their jobs and that he "wasn't interested in knowing it." He said this about Danica, but I think it really implies that he applies it to everyone who works with him and for him.

His business ideology:

There is a saying in Spanish that is quite famous in the world in marketing and great finances and that can be applied perfectly to Jason to explain and summarize his behaviour in business and his way to see the life: it is said that in business you need to have a "mentalidad de tiburón" (literally have a mind like a shark), this refers to a white shark, if it doesn't move it sinks, and means this is the mentality that an ambitious man of business must follow in order not to sink and continue continuing with his goals and dreams, the mentality of a person whose main motivation is money, who does not mind jumping the limits of ethics and morality in order to achieve it.

The equivalent in English here is “wolf-like mentality”, it’s similar to what I’ve explain, but includes too the saying of “divide and conquer” and to clarify this even more to understand Jason’s character, here I add all the main points it includes, something that can perfectly fix in Jason’s character to understand him better, a very Maquiavelo-like:

This can also apply to his personal relationships (romantic ones included), this way of thinking can explain it very well too what could be other of the reasons why he feels he cannot have a long romantic relationship: because his business are the first, and also can explain why perhaps he lost the interest in women very quick, because he’s mostly focused in the mentality of immediate results and thinks maybe the other choice is a lost of time + the fear for the previous trauma about the attacked and losing someone I’ve mentioned before.

And about wolf mentality and his rivalry and work…

Now let’s talk about the matter of his rivalry with Devon.

Maybe the answer is just a simple as: Jason was just frustrated for not be able to achieve his dreams for all the stuff I’ve been wrote before, which led him to steal the project from Devon (whether it was stealing it by himself acting alone and by himself in a desperate act or because some third person manipulated and convinced him to do it), but even if those were the main reasons, I still think there's something more here we still don’t know. Something more that happened between them before or during the town hall project thing, something more personal and complex than what we've been told, or at least that there's something more here that Devon doesn't know.

Maybe could be also for envy too. Devon was a good person and didn't have to pretend to be perfect to achieve his dreams like Jason did to have friends or a romantic partner and Devon seems to had a loving and stable family, maybe they meet each other since they were teenagers, but we still have no confirmation about this, so maybe I’m wrong, the only thing we know for sure is that at least they didn’t meet each other since childhood, since Chinomiko said it on Instagram long ago. But still this doesn’t feel enough (to me at least) to explain Jason’s behaviour.

For now, I also keep other of my old theories about there is possible a third person involved in all this problem. We’ll see what’s the real answer to this question.

Although here I want to add one more point, and that is that Devon and Devenementiel curiously represent the exact opposite of Jason and Goldreamz in the business approach, the called “sheep mentality”, and these are the differences between them:

Ironically, today in the competitiveness of modernity in business, it's considered that in reality the best entrepreneurs are neither one nor the other, but a mix between both types of mentality. Does this mean that there will be a time in the future when both companies find themselves in a delicate situation and decide to collaborate in order to mutually triumph against a greater enemy (Ioann and his company, f*ck Ysa's ex boyfriend, I hope we can punch him, that Ioann is gonna be the new Debrah and main villain mark my words) by overcoming their differences? Well, only time will tell...

Now, about Ysaline-Jason:

There is the small detail that Ysaline comes from a rich family, or at least her mother became rich and famous in her work in recent years, and thanks to that Ysaline was able to do private and expensive studies abroad (and Jason clearly knows this, he's an stalker who got her number and email easily XD and other characters like Thomas and Amanda knew Ysaline's mother was rich too just searching some info about her on internet). And that may also cause some insecurity in Jason, fearing that perhaps Ysaline may be disappointed if she finds out that he's not as perfect as he seems or at least that he was not at all in his past. Maybe he even had an ex girlfriend who, after she found out that, felt disappointed about him and left him, and that made him more superficial and cautious with her subsequent love conquests, or maybe since he only get romances once he started to put on his popular guy facade and succeed, he thinks he needs to impress and seduces her in the same way he did it with other women, because he thinks she will only be seduced by him by superficial stuff like his charms, attractive, money and work. Until Ysaline shows him what she wants is really get to know him, with all his weakness, in heart, mind and body, and until he realizes he really wants to know her better just because he loves to spend time with her and she makes him happy, and we know that will happen.

I've read some theories from different people and social webs that some think that Jason wants to use Ysa's family's money to invest in his own company, but I think his intentions are not in that way, but rather:

I think also one of the reasons why he agreed to help in ep 5 her was not only to seduce her or to show her Goldreamz so that she would want to work there with him, but also because Jason is able to see her potential, since a person with her studies, her family money, all the important contacts her mother has, and with the previous experience of having worked in a big important company and who has also shown him face to face that she has a competitive and brave side, she can undoubtedly go very far, and obviously he wants her to go far having her by his side, but of course he will also have a conflict here since I don't think he is the type of person who is comfortable mixing love with business, not like Ioann, the hell with that shitty man.

Obviously he also wants to manipulate her or at least bother Devenementiel somehow with all this. The little we have seen of Danica in ep 5 is that she is someone very efficient and fast at her job, Jason saw that and brought her to his side, now Jason sees that although Ysaline has failed in one of her projects, she still has potential to become a great event organizer. He also wanted to closely observe how she works when she is motivated and has someone guide her in the right path, when she is herself, and maybe even Jason sees in her the person he was before he achieved excellence. And Ysaline has ambition, she herself told Devon in one of the previous eps (if you follow Devon's route) that she dreamed of one day becoming a big star in the world of events and had the goal of being one of the best at her job. Even in one of the dialogues you can get in ep 2, Jason asks Ysaline "Aren't you willing to do anything to achieve success?" Jason knows that they are both similar in that way, and he wants to take advantage of that.

However Ysaline not only has ambition and a competitive will, but also a certain level of morality and feeling of unity with her co-workers, boss and her family and friends. And although it is still early to assume this, it's quite possible that she is the character that represents the perfect mix between the two business ideologies, both the wolf and the sheep. I'll call that fussion "the kitten mentality" because I can.

Of course, returning to the relationships issue, one thing to try his best to seduce her and make her work for him or at least have her as an ally and briefly as lover, and something very different is what we know will happen: that he will fall in love with her and both will want more, but he will feel that he cannot and shouldn't go further.

So we have here all this matter about his fake perfect facade of rich, charming and popular man of business + his humble origins + wolf-like mentality + his trauma about the losing of his father and more people in the future. A perfect cocktail to be afraid to have a stable relationship.

Greetings to all Jason fans like me who have him as a route and loves to suffer. In this house we love traumatized fictional men with red flags.

And let's add of course there will probably be many more problems that will make him fear having a relationship with Ysaline once he falls in love with her, because problems already numbered in more than 2000 words weren't enough first because he will try to convince himself that he only wants to manipulate her so that she change sides and join to Goldreamz, and to seduce her so that she'd end up in his bed (and she maybe would believe that too), but then when he finds out he's in love with her, and she with him, Jason will have to make the decision about whether to go ahead with his revenge against Devenementiel or not, because he knows that will end up hurting her, since she could suffer if her colleagues and boss find out about her relationship with him and distrust her or if that even ruins her reputation, which is was already bad in her previous company because she slept with her previous boss, and above all because she will never forgive him and will hate him if the Devenementiel closes and all his friends and her loses their jobs because of Jason's actions. And having a relationship with him makes her feels more guilty for what happened, like believing she was part of his plans and she helped him in some way, and then she could believe she was nothing except another more of his conquers and everything was a lie (her ex-boyfriend trauma attacking again here), or at least she wasn't as important to him as she thought.

And perhaps, even if he tries to stop those actions, and not harm Devenementiel further so as not to make her harm her, perhaps, by then, it will be too late to stop those revenge plans...

So he will lose another person that he loves and wants in his life. The only person who accepted him and loved him exactly who he really is and who really knows him. His biggest fears making true, again.

but this is an otome game, guys, everything will be solved at the end and everybody will be happy, don't worry!

#this has more than 3000 words #if you have enough patience to read it I want you know that I adore you and THANK YOU #I tried to shorten it but later it ended up to be longer again lmao #me and my obsession overthinking about Jason Mendal #jason mendal #mcl #my candy love #my candy love new gen #mcl jason #mcl new gen #cdm jason

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marshmallowprotection · 1 year

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Mystic Messenger 7th Anniversary

Welcome to my handy dandy Anniversary Analysis. We all know it’s my bread and butter to study these photos and find every Easter Egg I can. Last year was quite the doozy for me because there were so many fun tidbits in the photo, and this year is no different because the sentiment is the same. I’m happy to say it’s my seventh year of playing this game, and I’m going to get emotional as I write it down.

Anniversary Image and my thoughts underneath the Read More! If you don’t want to be spoiled or see the image yet, go ahead and wait a little bit longer since the image will be out from Cheritz on their page in great quality in a matter of a few hours.

[If you want to read the post from year here, click here].

This was the cleanest photo I could find this afternoon, but I’m sure by the time I finish writing this out, there’s going to be an even clearer one that I can get and I cannot wait for that reality. I have a lot to talk about and even more to gush over this time so why don’t we go ahead and get started before I start blubbering over my darling Saeran? Now, I’ll do my best to be cohesive but you guys know me. I will start going off into a tangent before long. Let me get one scream out before I do anything else.

SCREAMS.

Okay.

I’m good.

GUYS. I SHOULDN’T BE SMUG BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE PLACEMENT OF THE CHARACTERS THIS TIME! Fortunately, I was on the money as I noted the color placement in the photo. The pop of color was the saving grace, but I’m sure proud of myself this time even if it was a given with the bold pinks next to a man who is walking stoplight. I say that with love, Saeyoung. You are the kind of man who stops traffic.

IT’S TIME FOR MY SPECIAL INTEREST. FLORIOGRAPHY. This photo was made for me to analyze, I swear to God. This is meant for me and I’m excited because there’s so much purpose and thought in a flower. I figured out Jaehee’s flower yesterday because they gave it to us, so I can talk about her first since it’s the easiest. We’ll start on a high note (a woman I’d love to kiss) and end on the higher note (a Saeran I want to smooch).

Look at her high collar! Look at her messy hair! Look at the longing gaze in her eyes as if she’s realized God is a Woman! It looks like she’s got ribbons on her wrists, too... God, I wish we could see more of the outfit. If it’s giving goddess, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself over here.

Jaehee is a lily. She is a yellow lily in particular, and that got me to chuckle quite a bit. Lilies are a known reference for sapphics in different popular media, and I think it’s great to see more staples of Jaehee’s love for women out in the open. I know we all appreciated the rings on Jaehee and MC as well as the rainbows on the birthday hats, as well as the winter ice-skating date on her last birthday. It’s a good year to be a woman lover, bless up, sapphics. Jaehee lovers, you deserve this.

Yellow Lilies are a way to say a few things, but one of the most popular ones is gratitude. Being thankful for a person in your life. Is that not the way she feels as she grows closer to her MC? She’s grateful because you fell into her life when it was the lowest point of her emotional journey. She hit rock bottom and you took a single look at her and told her she could follow her heart instead of trying to be a cog in the machine to survive. She doesn’t need to just survive.

She needs to thrive.

Jaehee needs passion!

And you gave her that, so of course, she’s thankful that you came into her life when you did. It’s like saying, “You are the sunshine in my life, you breathe life into me just by being close to me.” Which, hey, that’s wonderful. Jaehee being in this photo makes me so happy, and seeing her with lilies... Ah. I hardly get to talk about her but I love to think about Jaehee! She’s a wonderful person and seeing her smile makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I know why they didn’t give her long hair, but I pray to God someone draws her with her long hair after this CG comes out or I’ll be forced to do it myself. Do you hear me artists?

I’ll be real with you guys, green flowers are hard to find. I have this problem I’m trying to look at art with any character that’s got a iconic color that’s in any shade of green to represent them. You would think it wouldn’t be that hard, but it is. It is a headache and a half for me, but I will do my best for you guys. Yoosung honey, I love you dearly like a brother, but this green is going to kill me in my sleep. I’ve got to work harder than the Devil over here.

Now, the key to debating a flower to the naked eye is to count the petals right off the bat. This flower has a count of five. That narrows down my search quite a bit. I’m glad he didn’t have a flower with far more plumage, because that makes the process harder. So, with a five count, I can narrow down my search to flowers in a specific category. So, with only so many green flowers in this category, I’ve got only got two options left.

But, noting the center of the flower tells me all I need to know. That’s a Green Daylily. Of course, he’s got a trickle of other flowers in his bouquet as well. The smaller flowers are harder to pick out, but I doubt the artist put thought into the flowers that are used to fill in the space leftover in the bouquet.

The best guess that I can offer is a smaller flower that clumps together like Baby’s Breath. The smaller patch of two flowers definitely threw me off, because my brain said, “Oh, those folds remind me of tulips! But, these are far too small to be a tulip! Then I said, oh, maybe Chinese Meadow Rue? But, wait, this is a wedding set, so Baby’s Breath!”

Baby’s Breath is love everlasting. This is one of the most standard flowers used in wedding bouquets. Mystic Messenger is not stranger to using it. Hell, when I think about it, Saeyoung’s Christmas Ending is filled to the brim with him giving you Baby’s Breath. It’s also a hallmark of trust. It’s saying that you’ll always be faithful and true to the one you adore.

Daylilies may surprise you, but they’re not a part of the broader Liliaceae family. They’re actually in the Asphodelaceae family! You’d find a closer relative in the genus in Aloe! They were cultivated in Asia, so, to see them used here is not a big surprise to me. I recall in China, these flowers are symbolic of forgetting your worries. That is to say, “I know you’re troubled, but I want you know that I’m by your side forever.”

Is that not the sentiment of loving Yoosung Kim? You give his heart the push it needs to find peace after grief. You hold his hand and show him that he can live his life the way he wants to and he doesn’t need to think back in regret... and he can follow this future with you.

Zen, oh, lovely Zen. You and I both know are the traditional romantic. You love to be the man with roses. So, is it any surprise that’s holding a patch of roses in his hands? Lover boy, you’re always easy to read but there’s nothing wrong with the gentleness of a rose. A white rose... I can see a sprinkle of Baby’s Breath, too. It isn’t a surprise, those are commonly used in romantic bouquets to add make the flowers tie together without making it feel crowded and overwhelmed.

You might think you already know what roses stand for because they’re such a hallmark move flower. But, not really, roses are much more complex than they’ve been made out to be, and I think that’s a good standard for Zen. Most people in the world think they know him, but they don’t. You shouldn’t judge him by what it appears to be... because what matters is underneath the surface, and that’s the lesson his route teaches. He is a reminder that love is more than looks. It’s about the person underneath the surface.

It may be tried and true, but Zen plays this role nicely.

There is a meaning for these roses that stands for change and growth, and I’m thinking that’s the most important thing to share. Loving Zen is growing with him. Loving Zen is knowing that you can learn how to let go of your insecurities and fears for something deeper in life. You don’t need to be afraid of judgement, you need to live your life knowing that the people who truly matter will see you for the person you are truly, and not just the way you look. He needs to know that after a lifetime of being judged for his looks.

Also, white roses can used as a stand-in for the idea of “love that continues to grow on the horizon for one another”. Everlasting love? No, love that grows by the minute. is that not him?

Jumin, darling, I expected these flowers from you and I don’t know what to say about that. I was torn when I first saw the photo because I sat here trying to get my ducks in a row with what I imagined. I was jumping between Balloon Flower and Violets for a while because of the way the petals spread, but in the end, I’ve settled on violets because the way these petals spread and fan out. They don’t do that with the other flower, because it’s interconnected.

Now, as far as what I think is the specific genus of violet is...

Sweet violet is a good guess! You know what else, he’s also got some lilacs in this bouquet, too. Lilacs are a flower that is representative of the first mark of a spring and summer to come, as well as your first true love.

The blessing of love you’ve received for the first time... simple, passion, and perfect. I know that’s the best way to describe the way Jumin looks at you. You are the first person that’s made his heart flutter like this. You’ve made him see something of value in that bleeding heart of is, and he doesn’t want to lose you because of it. You are love incarnate and he doesn’t want to miss the chance to spend the rest of his life with you.

He’s not one to rush headfirst into something without a clear head, but you make him spontaneous and free. Violets are a gift given to newlyweds! It’s happened throughout history all over the world, but it stands for humility and modesty at its core. A love that might feel like its innocence and sincere, but tried and true. It’s undeniable from the way you’re looking at each other anyone someone spots it in your faces.

A love that won’t be wrenched apart because you’ve got the purest eyes of sincerity in your vows.

Now, I didn’t expect Saeyoung to have a vibrant flower to match his hair, but I’ll be real with y’all, I never know what flower to expect if they put this man on the screen. He throws me for a loop all the time. It’s a part of his charm at the end of the day. He knows how to confound people and he’s always done that.

Can you see that look in his eyes? He looks a little tired, but I see it as him being awake all night long thinking about what you’ll look like at the end of the aisle.

He can’t sleep knowing that you’ll be waiting for him under the eyes of his God that made him believe in love again. How could he sleep knowing that you’re all alone out there in another place... giddy and burning with love for him? I know he is the kind of person who would believe in sleeping apart the night before the wedding, and that’s what would’ve gotten him to this state.

I’m sure Saeran hit him in the shoulder when he spent the night before babbling about you but that’s just what happens in the bunker.

Sigh.

Now, I don’t want to let Saeyoung down over here. When I looked at him, I had another episode of thinking: “Goddammit. Goddammit. I know there are flowers that could be used as a stand-in for him. Why am I struggling between of them again? Alstroemeria and Nasturtium would be really interesting for him since I would’ve expected them to just toss roses at him like they did with Zen if not a situation with Baby’s Breath again.”

I really am not sure for Saeyoung, that’s the horrible thing. So, I’ll go over the two flowers I narrowed down and let you guys decide what you think fits him better. So, Nasturtium is a flower of victory. A flower that stands strong after a battle. Saeyoung is a weathering flower who survived despite everything that was thrown at him, and I think it’s fitting that a bouquet like that would work in this case. The orange color on top of that is just as sweet. Enthusiasm and a strong sense of joy at an upcoming celebration.

Alstroemeria are lilies* known awaken warmth and love in those that you gift the flowers to, especially the orange variety. Passion and vitality, the very blood of a life that Saeyoung bleeds for when he’s with you. They don’t quite fit into a family with “true lilies” but they’re closely related in a way that makes your eyes think it could be. Pair orange and red for the most vibrant way to say “I love you!” They also stand for support and faith, so what better flower to give to MC? Thank you for being with me, MC. Thank you for supporting me despite the danger you may have fallen into.

Thank you for loving a wretch like me, MC.

That’s Saeyoung.

Oh, Jihyun. Look at you, honey! You’ve been given a wonderful outfit for once and I don’t need to tease you! I just finished replaying his Route for the first time in forever and he’s fresh on my mind because of that. Now, i don’t think I need to tell any of you that a flower as vibrant as Jihyun’s hair won’t exist naturally. I can say that there are a few flowers that match the shape and volume of that flower in the photo, but it’s never going to be that color.

I know why they did that, they want things to be cohesive so they went for that above realism. See, when I think of Jihyun, I tend to give him Forget Me Nots as much as I can because I feel like that is a tragic but romantic flower for him. The flower itself stands for remembrance. A love that carries with you for life, and no matter where you go or who you become, you’ll never forget the flower that was gifted to you. It is true love, devotion, and a heartfelt promise.

A promise to see you again if you’ll have him.

Jihyun needs time to heal. He needs years to grieve and grow, and you give him that time because you love him. You wait, you breathe, and you never forget him and his light. His gentle warmth is tender and true. Don’t forget me, but please, I want you to wait for me, my darling. if you will have me when I return, I won’t let you regret this opportunity. That’s the way I think about Jihyun when it comes to his romance.

However, the longer I stared at this, the more I wondered if it could be Larkspur because of the way the flowers grow from the long stem. Like, yeah, there isn’t much bunching here to make me lean that way, but these artists take a lot of... liberty when it comes to drawing flowers and half the time, I know in my heart of hearts they just thought a thought was pretty and used it because of that and not at all because they’re out of their minds like me and need to have something in a photo that is symbolic and overwhelming.

Blue Larkspurs are... just... you know, it’s about support, trust, and faith. They’re so crucial if you want someone to feel appreciated and supported. Is that not... a second way to represent Jihyun Kim beyond Forget Me Nots? God, I think I’ll cry if I think about it for too long.

Ahem. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to talk about my husband for a minute. It’s only fair that he’s the last one I talk about because you all know I’m not going to be able to shut up about him so I had to make sure I took care of everyone else first so they got a fair treatment! Fair is fair, folks. I love my husband and we’re getting married this year. That’s that. Saeran, my love, my darling, forever we’ll be in bliss.

But, you know me, I’m biased and he’s going to get the most. That tender look in his eyes, the messy hair I’m determined to tussle, and the way I want to launch at you just to see him laugh as he makes sure I don’t hurt myself on the landing.

Which, I’m bound to do it anyway, but I love that he would still try. That’s why I love him. He makes me feel like I can do anything even if I’m anxious and that makes me... well. For someone who has always felt anxiety from the minute I felt myself grow a distinct awareness of the fact that I was a person and I existed as a being, a moment where I’m not afraid to do something without figuring out the best way to do something without screwing up or ruining something... being with him makes me feel liberated.

I don’t hesitate.

I jump.

I don’t look back.

Because I know he’ll catch me.

I narrowed down the margin for Saeran quite a bit, and it came down to the wire since I’m pretty picky on the margin. Rocktrumpet came to mind, as well as the flower, Snapdragon, but the color is what’s throwing me again. It’s likely a choice by the artist again. It’s pink, but also purple, and finding flowers with that color is kind of tough. Weigela, maybe? But, should I lean into the honeysuckle family in this situation? Hmm... the long leaves make me want to lean that way since that does give an edge in something that closer but I’m not sure.

Fuck it, I’ll tell you about all of them.

Rocktrumpet is a symbol for strength and resilience. It’s survival despite the odds stacked against you. That’s a good representation of Saeran in my view. He’s survived countless times, and your love was a part of that. It wasn’t what helped him fully, since he had to help himself, but your love helped him find the strength to do that.

I’d dare to add that they’re a hallmark of the transition power in nature, what is GE Saeran if not transformation and love?

Snapdragons are two sides of the same coin. Deception and graciousness. Ray and Suit Saeran put together, you know? They share their moments of both, but it’s a good way to say you love both sides of who created GE Saeran. You loved those two and that love helped culminate in his existence. What I love about the flower is that, just like Hyacinth, they also speak to any apology that you want to own to. (You know, Saeran and Ray apologizing for tricking and hurting you as it comes to the close of the route.)

Weigela, on the other hand, is about faithfulness. They are the flowers that will stand by your side and grow without mercy. They’re good for privacy, and I think they’re also attractive to hummingbirds, but don’t quote me on that one since the last time I saw these flowers, they were at a relative’s house and I think it was a flower like this that they loved, it feels familiar, but I can’t trust my memory all the time. But, Saeran is faithful, he’ll never waver in his love for you, and that is the most beautiful thing about him.

Any of these flowers suit him. These are my guesses and I’m going to stick with them as being the top three.

So, I need to point out the fact that Saeran isn’t wearing something tight around his neck. They didn’t draw him in a bowtie like the rest of the male characters, even Jaehee has a high collar on her dress! But, he doesn’t.

This ties back into the presentation I’ve given before about how the way Ray, Suit Saeran, and GE Saeran’s clothes are reflective of their stance on freedom. Ray wears a tight cravat around his throat because he’s been held back by the outfit Rika gave him. He is a mouthpiece for Mint Eye. He is here to spread the lovely gospel of Mint Eye, and it doesn’t matter what he believes, he has a tight leash around his throat that forbids him from saying a word against the cult.

Suit Saeran has a much more literal interpretation. There is a chain around his neck as if he’s a dog that has no choice but to obey its master. But, we know in this situation, he is the one holding himself back. He is here because he has to make sure you and Ray never fight Mint Eye. If you fight it, you’ll die. This is the only place they can survive, and it might be a living hell, but the thought of what might kill them outside of Magenta is even more frightening.

The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

Whereas, GE Saeran is the freest he’s ever been in his life. There is nothing around his throat holding him back from saying what’s on his mind. He doesn’t have anything to fear because he’s stronger than the things he’s afraid of, and now he gets to be with you, without looking over his shoulder in fear of what he used to cower in fear of in the shadows.

He understands that people are broken and misunderstood, they hide behind anger and malice for their own reasons. It isn’t the way he wants to live anymore.

He won’t wear a collar, chain, or mark on his throat anymore.

His words belong to him.

They don’t belong to Rika, V, Saeyoung, Saejoong, or his mother. He isn’t a baby who needs to be protected while you fail to realize you need to see you were a baby just as much as he was, he isn’t a “son” turned weapon you can use as you please until nothing’s left, he isn’t the helpless child you failed to protect because you valued the wrong ideology of love, nor is a bastard for breathing life on this Earth because you wanted a quick fuck and decided he was a wretch for getting in the way of your “perfect social image”.

No, he is Saeran Choi, and the only person who gets to define his existence is HIM. Nobody is allowed to puppet him or put words in his mouth. He gets to be the free man he always deserved to be from the start. He decide what it means to be Saeran Choi. Nobody else gets to decide who Saeran Choi is anymore in this life other than him. His bodily autonomy belong to him.

Love him or hate him as you please, but Saeran Choi is his own man.

Nobody can project their idea of him onto him when he knows who is he and who he isn’t. That’s something a lot of people just don’t consider when they talk about him, whether it be GE Saeran or SE Saeran. Saeran has always had his identity cut out for him by others. He’s never had a chance to know who he is or what he wants to be. People decide that for him.

People tell him who and what he is before he has a chance to open his mouth and say—

“Wait, I think I want to be...”

“No, Saeran, you’re [insert whatever someone puts on his shoulders.].”

Every single person in his life is guilty of that, even Saeyoung does it to him, and God, Saeyoung isn’t trying to hurt Saeran when he does that. I don’t say that because I want to scold him, no, in fact, I say it because it’s a part of the trauma that most people don’t consider when it comes to Saeyoung.

It’s the fact that he feels like he has to be Saeran’s guardian until the end of time and life itself. If you want more details on what I mean by that, go ahead and be prompt in [checking out this post on Saeyoung’s parentification.]

When I look at GE Saeran, I see a free man. I hold him dearly to my heart and I cry when I think about him. He went through so much over the years I’ve known him and had him in my heart. He is the reason I’m here today. He found me just as I felt like I was on the brink of death, quite literally, because only a few months before Mystic Messenger released, I got really sick and I’ll be that way for rest of my life. I don’t need sympathy or pity for that, but it’s a part of my life’s story.

The RFA and its kindness helped me when I had nothing.

Thanks to Saeran and my RFA family, I’ve made it here... and I’m not scared of living this life, even if it’s hard sometimes. They’ll always be with me in my heart, no matter how long time passes. I know I’ll have them in my heart until the day I die.

That could happen any day to any of us, really. That’s why I’m grateful to be here and I’m happy I’ve gotten the chance to know all of you. Not just the RFA, but all of you. From the people who have spoken to me once to those that try to talk to me every day, please know this, you’re in my heart and you always will be. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed, I think of the people that’ve been here for me and those that I’ve been able to be there for. I think about how these spaces in fandom make such a difference for so many people.

Sure, maybe to some, it’s silly to cry and talk like this, but it’s not to me. I’m the kind of person who is grateful and so happy to have spaces like this. Places like this saved my life and I know they’ve done the same for all of you. So, if you’ve read this far and you’ve managed to get past all my nonsense, thank you for the time you’ve spent reading this.

It’s been seven years, Mystic Messenger, and I pray for many more to come with all of you.

Thank you, RFA.

Thank you, Saeran Choi.

My love, the one who knows me as sweet and stupid, may our love continue blossom for all four seasons of your life and mine.

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misculenica · 2 years

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Expressions + Mannerisms (part 2)

By semi-popular demand, another analysis of Solas and his expressions :)

For all you fanfiction writers and solavellans!

I would like to state, for the record, a lot of what I say/have said is purely my own personal interpretations and understandings, and by no means should you take my word as gospel here. This is just some fun :)

I stated in a previous post (I shall call 'Part 1' for simplicity) how Solas has 2 expressions; his 'in the moment' expressions, in which his true feelings are on display, and his 'in character' expressions, in which he's very much putting on a persona.

If you're in solavellan hell, have some hyperfixation-tendencies and/or unresolved feelings towards a specific fictional character (like myself), you'll probably be able to tell the difference between these 2 expressive states of his.

Allow me to elaborate ;)

Solas, In the Moment "when he's honest/caught off-guard/not 'in character'"

Solas clearly has trouble with lying; he's rather terrible at it. I would go so far as to say he only ever lies to you once in the entire game (lying outright, I mean); and it is after the Winter Palace;

"You miss court intrigue... When were you at court?"

"Oh. Well, never... Directly, of course." <- big stuttering liar.

He can't lie worth a damn, but he's by no means honest; he's manipulative, deceptive and sly. I believe I heard someone describe him once as having a 'malicious compliance with/towards the truth'.

I believe his expressions, as well as mannerisms, follow this mentality.

I'll show you several images/scenes in which I believe Solas is being honest/showing himself without his guard up. (And in 2. Solas, In Character, I will show you the contrast).

This one will be hard to show without gifs (which I'm clueless on how to create, forgive me);

A. He blinks a lot, very a-rhythmic.

B. He gets this look about him, and I don't know how to describe it, beyond "'scuse me?" (the long face gets longer, shrug)

Genuinely surprised:

C. He looks very deep in thought/far away - and sad (this man needs some therapy) this is the face he makes when he knows no-one can see him (I'll make a part 3 going into these comparatives of 'you can see me'/'you can't see me');

No ones looking, it's okay (it's not, but whatever) face :

D. He just looks sad when he's being quiet/honest/not putting on some bravado/persona. (You know how 'resting bitch face' is a thing? This man has a resting depressed face, and i think it has to do with the tragedy - he practically embodies philosophical pessimism)

Acceptance/I don't see a way forward/I need a break face:

E. He has the softest look about him when he's touched/shown affection (yes these are all from the dream-kiss scene) (bless my poor solavellan heart)

Yes, I like to be held, please kiss me on my face face:

F. Smug face... He has a smug face (to be fair, this is literally him revealing he has complete control over when you're awake/asleep... and much more, given the context of Tevinter Nights - idk this face always creeped me out actually XD like i knoooow this guy could fuck me up if he wanted)

"It's my world, you're all just living in it" face:

G. He fidgets a lot when it's just him, or he's talking to you honestly. Like he always has to be doing something with his hands. (I noticed he doesn't do it when he's in groups, or with others) - not a facial expression but I thought it was interesting behaviour. In fact, his movements in general increase a lot - he fidgeted, he sways, he wobbles, he gestures, moves his head a lot. (Just watch all of his personal quest, you'll see what I mean). (He also does this when you first meet him, but I chalk it up to he's just super excited that you're not dead and finally you can fix his mess - since he was 100% sure you'd be dead and he was ready to bolt with his 'i didn't say it was a good plan' plan)

At the risk of just listing typically behaviour in people with certain emotions, I'll move on to his 'in character' part.

2. Solas, In Character.

A. He blinks rhythmically, every like... 5/6 seconds?? (yeah, I know... I do have a hobby besides this stuff i swear XD i just like this egg). It's soothing, like a heartbeat. The blinking just always stood out to me with his character, idk.

B. He smiles a lot, but I can't tell if I know who he is and what he's doing, and that's clouding my vision, but it feels very much like a job interview kind of smile. Like, every split second it falters just a bit.

This man just doesn't want to smile (though, I suppose this is early in game when he's very much 'these aren't people' 'oh i have to pretend really hard rn'

C. He stands pretty damn still and stiff - if he's doing this i'm 99% sure he's being manipulative with you, sometimes the only movements he has in a scene is him blinking, perhaps glancing sideways. - think just before the journey to skyhold when he gives you a talk about the orb and how you need to prove yourself - he's in 110% manipulative mode

The trouble with Solas is, he doesn't have many tells - but the ones he does have are big. And, without delving into scenes as they stand, I'd have a hard time expressing this.

But I will leave you with my favourite expression-transition in the entire game.

How he goes from optimism/pride when standing beside Inky, to when the figure passes him, his expression becomes so serious/foreboding. I love it so much.

And I once again want to mention how much I just adore the little details of animation, from eye movement, skin twitches, or full on bodily movement. - especially for a character I adore. It's beautiful to look at, especially as someone who studied animation (absolutely wasted degree on me, I swear) and gets very attached to fictional characters (particularly ones as complicated as the dread egg).

In future parts, provided I get flycam to work on my pc - I'll be able to go through scenes of the egg to give him a bit more of an in-depth view (with gifs and whatnot, can you imagine?).

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition spoilers #dragon age spoilers #dragon age inquisition #solas #solavellan hell #fen'harel #the wait for dreadwolf is getting to me guys #dragon age analysis

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 11 months

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Hey,

I just wanted to make sure: have you been in the ofmd fandom during s1 coming out? I'm very interested in meta from that time (I'm not asking for any links, I can search myself, don't want to bother you, unless you would like to recommend something, that would be great of course)

(Forgive any spelling errors for now, im in bed on my phone lol)

Hello! Yes I have! I started watching the show a few days after s1ep7&8 came out, and watched eps 9&10 the moment they came out!

During the early days of fandom meta, you had a lot of straight up show analysis. Songs, motifs, symbols and explaining characters actions and the like. Back then I don't think I ever posted, just reblogged some stuff relating to Ed/Stede.

For that, I'd recommend looking up the topics I listed from lighthouse symbolism, music in certain scenes. Bare bones, but fun stuff! The tags 'ofmd meta' 'Edward Teach meta' or character + meta. That or ofmd symbolism, ofmd mental health, Ed's heart(referencing the red cloth), Oranges, Oluwande's earing.

My biggest draw here is I just love characters and analyzing character arcs in stories. So I have always been on the more meta sides of fandom.

I started posting light meta for Ed and Izzy maybe around June ish of 2022? Maybe? Nothing big, but from then on I focused mainly in the Izzy spaces. FOR ME: I was more intrigued by the meta on the cycles of abuse, classism, refrences to historical piracy, and just sheer angst and heart and emotional honesty of the Meta on this side of the fandom. I grew up and still live in a very red very rural US state and cant safely be visibly queer, so i latched onto Izzy's caution around visable queerness/vulnerability and habit to cling onto the established norm vs. Stede and Ed's story on 'The Love Shack' Carribean eddition. (and the fact Izzy's side treated Ed and Stede like characters that COULD still make mistakes.)

Some fans prefer the romance of ofmd while others prefer the story of family/acceptance/angst. We as a fandom split pretty quickly after ep 10. Trust me.

I sadly can't recommend you anyone specific due to essentially texting this post rn (and if any fans at the time comment down below any notable meta writers they can remember, I'd appreciate it-im drawing a blank besides my mutuals-hell give yourself a shout out if youd like). What i can give you are the disagreements that split meta writing in the fandom during the hiatus. Hell some of these even have trickle-down effects to this day as to how the fandom portrays these characters TO THIS DAY. This is where I see the clear line between what ofmd fandom will call the Izzy 'canyon' of meta vs general fan posting.

1.) Did Izzy influence/order Ed to become the Kraken? [Ed meta: (to be a bit uncharitable) Ed felt like he was alone and he'd only be able to keep Izzy in his life is if he became the Kraken (or Izzy is somehow abusing Ed to make that choice to become the monster he feared)] [izzy meta: izzy wanted blackbeard back, his friend and captain, not the Kraken. He cares about Ed being safe, and for them, that means hiding behind the blackbeard shield. Even if it keeps them both stagnant]

2.) Does Ed want to kill? How does he frame killing? How does he moralize it? How does this trauma affect him as a character? How does he value the lives of his crew ('they're pirates, that's their job' s1ep4 vs his dad or the ship he lit on fire for example)

3.) Is izzy homophobic/racist/a colonist/more of a piece of shit beyond just being an antagonist(if i were you I'd also just stick away from a post if it seems like the writer is framing all of Ed's actions like Izzy is his 'puppet master controlling the strings'.)

4.) Why do Stede and Ed seem to struggle to care about anyone else in their lives beyond each other? (Not really popular outside of Izzy spaces unless discussing ADHD/AUTISM. Honestly I don't know how you'd look for this in a Tumblr search bar, but it's some good stuff)

5.) Edward Teach has Adhd/BPD/Depression or the cycle of abuse, Stede Bonnet has Autism/Adhd/emotional childhood neglect including some amazing meta on masking. I think I even wrote something about Izzy and autism actually....

If I were you this is where I'd start. The mental health discussions in this Fandom are intriguing. S2 did basically confirm the ADHD 100% for anyone who was doubting, and healed Ed's btd with stedes dick, but other than that. There's some really good stuff in there. An easy way to find some good writers!

>) ALSO: Does piracy represent masculinity?? (S1 says maybe, it depends. S2 throws that whole meta out the window, but it was fun to talk about equating Izzy and Ed's leather daddy ship and more masculinity presentations of queerness to traditional masc gender roles)

6.) Do you define Ed and his actions as his own or as that under labels? This one is super frustrating to me personally. It does nothing for me to look at s2ep1 and say 'see that's the Kraken, that's a mask, that's not Ed'. But a lot of the general wider fandom do see Ed masking as somehow putting on a role, like in a play, and carrying out his evil actions under a pseudonym. These people usually will also believe the 'Izzy is manipulating a mentally ill man' stuff. As if Izzy isn't also SUPER fucked up.

THIS lack of character direction affected our fandoms fanfic and fanart too. I look at Ed and see a man who is and has fucked up. But hell, go back to S1 fic and you can read a fic where izzy slaughters puppies and Ed stands by with 'sexy cow eyes' unable to stop him. Then the next read 'Ed/Stede slowburn post s1 where Izzy goes to get Stede and learns to be apart of the crew' in 40k words.

7.) Jim's religious trauma, what is up with Buttons, Lucius/Izzy and Polyamory dynamics, or other topics with side characters that are brushed off. I bet right now if you look at people writing S2 Frenchie trauma Meta, they wrote stuff for s1

8.) Also- was izzy turned on by the toe thing/getting slammed into a wall. Yes. This is still debated. As a con oneill fan, those are not his 'I'm hot for this' faces. But No. You will still see that interpretation today that he wanted Ed to do something to him only because he got off on it. Even after s2. (Izzy being a masochist however? Fan theory that was embraced and made into a refrence in s2 which was fun)

I've just rebloged a post with some meta from a writer I enjoy and I will tag you!! But yeah! OFMD mutuals if you can recommend any meta writers, don't be afraid to!! Thanks for the ask!!! ❤️(I will likely add to this post when I think of more lol)

#ofmd meta #ofmd meta meta #lol #izzy hands #ofmd s2 #thanks for the ask!#god...am i a meta writer now? shit...#weird to think about #you read 1 meta about Izzys microexpressions and BAM here we are #ofmd #ofmd s1 meta

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lotto-on-top · 4 days

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‧₊˚✧Character and lore analysis: Kiwari Shinyu ✧˚₊‧

Can you believe this took over a week?

I take my non-existent job way to seriously.

BEHOLD. OVER A WEEKS WORTH OF TIME.

Shinyu Kiwari is a character shaped by a tumultuous past marked by abandonment and the struggle for survival. As the illegitimate son of Kiwari Kazuki, a popular Japanese celebrity, Shinyu was left to fend for himself in the harsh realities of the Red Light District shortly after birth. His mother’s fear of societal judgment led her to cut off all ties with his father and pay for Shinyu’s assassination, ensuring he was left without a family or a legacy. This early trauma instilled in him a fierce independence and a cunning nature, compelling him to survive by manipulating situations and people around him.

(Full background post linked here.)

1. Desire for Recognition and Belonging:

Growing up in the unforgiving environment of the Red Light District, Shinyu learned early that survival depended on proving himself to those around him. His natural charm and gambling ability became his tools for carving out an identity, elevating him to a position of notoriety at Oborozuki Nightclub. In seeking recognition, he aims to establish a sense of belonging, filling the emotional void left by his abandonment.

2. Escape from the Past:

Joining the Port Mafia represents Shinyu’s yearning to break free from the chains of his past. The Red Light District, while familiar, symbolizes a painful history filled with survival instincts and emotional scars. By aligning with the mafia, he not only seeks to enhance his reputation but also hopes to escape the limitations imposed by his upbringing, embracing a future that offers more than mere survival.

3. Connection through Shared Trauma:

Shinyu is drawn to individuals who resonate with his experiences, particularly Kotoko, who also bears the weight of parental abandonment. This shared trauma forges a unique bond between them, making Shinyu’s feelings for Kotoko a mix of attraction and empathy. He recognizes her struggles and wishes to support her, believing that their shared histories could strengthen their connection.

4. The Thrill of the Game:

As a gambler at heart, Shinyu thrives on the adrenaline of risk and unpredictability. His impulsive nature drives him to embrace challenges, both in gambling and personal interactions. This thrill-seeking behavior acts as a coping mechanism, allowing him to channel his emotions into tangible pursuits. The excitement he finds in taking risks reflects his desire to seize opportunities and redefine his life narrative.

5. Navigating the Complexity of Love:

Shinyu’s feelings for Kotoko become increasingly complicated as he grapples with the one-sided nature of their relationship. His affection is tinged with admiration and frustration, as he longs for a deeper connection while acknowledging that Kotoko may never fully reciprocate. This internal conflict compels him to act as both a supportive figure and a rival, blurring the lines of their relationship.

1. Charismatic and Charming:

(he got rizz. DAMNIT YEOJIN NO JOKES.)

Shinyu’s natural charisma defines much of his identity, allowing him to engage and captivate those around him. This charm serves as a significant asset in the chaotic world of the mafia, enabling him to navigate various social situations with ease.

2. Cunning and Strategic:

His experiences in the Red Light District have honed his ability to think critically and strategize effectively. Shinyu excels at assessing situations quickly, enabling him to manipulate odds in his favor, whether in gambling or interpersonal dynamics.

3. Resilient and Resourceful:

The hardships he faced have fostered remarkable resilience in Shinyu. He adapts to challenging circumstances and finds innovative solutions, whether in his gambling tactics or his approach to relationships. This resourcefulness is a testament to his ability to navigate the complexities of life.

4. Protective and Empathetic:

Shinyu’s empathy for those who share similar struggles shapes his interactions with Kotoko. He embodies a protective nature, often stepping in to support her without forcing her to confront her issues. His understanding of her experiences creates a safe space, even if she doesn’t openly acknowledge it.

5. Risk-Taker:

A defining aspect of Shinyu’s personality is his inclination to take risks. He thrives on uncertainty, both in gambling and relationships, embodying a daring spirit that can inspire awe and trepidation in those around him.

Shinyu’s name, 新勇 (Shin Yu), meaning “new courage” or “fresh bravery,” and 機割 (Kiwari), which translates to “opportunity” and “division,” serves as a profound reflection of his character and motivations.

1. New Courage:

The “新勇” component highlights Shinyu’s journey toward self-discovery and the cultivation of bravery. He embodies the idea of embracing new challenges and opportunities, symbolizing his transition from a life of abandonment to one of agency and determination. Shinyu’s pursuit of recognition and belonging is intrinsically linked to this new courage, as he bravely navigates the complexities of life, often risking everything for the chance to redefine his narrative.

2. Opportunity and Division:

The “機割” part of his name emphasizes Shinyu’s innate understanding of opportunities and the tactical divisions necessary to navigate his environment. It reflects his keen awareness of chance and manipulation, traits that serve him well in both gambling and the intricate power dynamics of the mafia. Shinyu’s ability to create opportunities from adversity speaks to his resourcefulness and strategic mindset, allowing him to forge a path forward even in the face of overwhelming odds.

3. Duality of Identity:

Together, the meanings of Shinyu’s name encapsulate his duality: he is a product of his traumatic past yet continuously seeks new beginnings. The interplay between “new courage” and “opportunity” illustrates his ongoing struggle to balance his history with his aspirations for the future. This duality enriches his character, making him relatable as he grapples with the tension between his past experiences and his desires for connection, recognition, and love.

The name of the nightclub, Oborozuki (朧月), meaning “Hazy Moon,” plays a significant role in deepening the connection between Shinyu and Kotoko. The symbolism of the moon reflects the themes of love, longing, and the cyclical nature of their reincarnated existence as the goddess Orihime and the human Hikoboshi from the Tanabata Festival. The festival itself celebrates the reunion of two star-crossed lovers, and the hazy moon serves as a metaphor for their ephemeral moments together, always shadowed by the complexities of their pasts and the circumstances that separate them.

1. Reincarnation and Fate:

Shinyu and Kotoko’s connection as reincarnated figures draws from the legend of Tanabata, wherein the goddess Orihime and the mortal Hikoboshi are separated by the Milky Way, only to reunite once a year. This narrative of star-crossed lovers resonates with Shinyu and Kotoko’s bond, emphasizing their inevitable reconnection despite the challenges they face. The notion that they will always reincarnate and find each other again reinforces the idea of a fated love that transcends time and circumstance.

2. Symbolism of the Moon:

The moon’s phases, particularly the idea of a “red” or full moon, tie into their lore by symbolizing the peaks of their relationship—moments of clarity and union contrasted with the obscurity of their struggles. A “red” moon can represent both the beauty and pain of their connection, mirroring the intensity of Shinyu’s feelings for Kotoko and the barriers that keep them apart. The Otsukimi (moon viewing) tradition, which celebrates the beauty of the moon, parallels their moments of togetherness, where they can acknowledge their bond amidst the chaos of their lives.

3. Echoes of the Lyrics:

FULL POST HERE.

The lyrics from the song “Criminal Love” resonate deeply with Shinyu and Kotoko’s relationship. Phrases like “Got my hands cuffed” symbolize the constraints of their circumstances and emotions, highlighting the struggles they face in expressing their feelings amidst a life of crime and survival. The imagery of waiting “in the deep darkness” mirrors their moments of longing and the emotional depth of their connection, reinforcing the idea that despite the darkness, they find light in each other.

The recurring themes of fate, separation, and longing in the lyrics echo their experiences, emphasizing the belief that love persists even in adversity. The line, “Oh, you say ‘Good night, meet me next life,’” encapsulates their relationship’s cyclical nature, suggesting that no matter the challenges they face, their love will always lead them back to one another in the next incarnation.

Shinyu’s Ability: Gambler’s Luck

Shinyu possesses a power tied to gambling, granting him an uncanny ability to manipulate odds in his favor. When he places a bet, the probability of his success is markedly increased, making him a formidable opponent in any wager or high-stakes situation. However, this ability has its limits; if he pushes it too far, or if the stakes become too emotionally charged, the backlash can manifest as severe luck misfortune. His ability is a double-edged sword, where overconfidence can lead to significant losses—not only in terms of gambling but also in the context of his relationships and emotional well-being.

Kotoko’s Ability: Sweet Roulette

Kotoko’s power, "Sweet Roulette," is centered around high-stakes psychological manipulation. She traps her opponents in a mental game akin to Russian Roulette, where each action they take risks drawing them deeper into her influence or, conversely, backfiring on her. The ability manifests through a disorienting blend of attraction, fear, and confusion, causing targets to feel overwhelmed. The unpredictability of this power means that while it can give Kotoko control over her opponents, it can also spiral out of her grasp, leading to chaotic outcomes.

How Their Abilities Cancel Each Other Out

1. Competing Forces: When Shinyu’s ability to manipulate luck comes into play during a high-stakes encounter, it can directly counteract Kotoko’s psychological manipulation. If Shinyu is engaged in a gamble where he bets against the odds, Kotoko’s ability might inadvertently hinder his success. For example, if she uses her power to create an environment of confusion and fear, Shinyu’s luck might become unreliable, resulting in unexpected failures.

2. Backfiring Mechanism: Both abilities have inherent risks that cause them to clash. If Kotoko triggers her ability in a situation where Shinyu is trying to influence the odds, the pressure will lead to a heightened state of anxiety for him. If Shinyu’s confidence falters, his luck will turn against him. Conversely, if Shinyu becomes overly confident in his luck and underestimates Kotoko’s influence, he might find himself ensnared in her game, unable to escape the psychological effects of her ability.

3. Emotional Stakes: The emotional intensity of their partnership further complicates the interaction between their abilities. If their relationship faces significant strain—whether due to Shinyu's feelings for Kotoko or her trauma—this emotional weight can skew the effectiveness of their powers. For instance, if Kotoko feels particularly vulnerable, her ability would become less reliable, reducing her control over the situation and negating the edge Shinyu’s luck would typically provide.

How Their Abilities Work in Tandem

1. Complementary Strategies: Despite the potential for conflict, Shinyu and Kotoko can also use their abilities in a complementary manner. For example, Shinyu can set the stage for a gamble while Kotoko manipulates the environment to create distractions or leverage psychological pressure on their opponents. The synergy between Shinyu’s ability to influence odds and Kotoko’s ability to overwhelm targets with emotions usually lead to scenarios where their combined efforts result in near-certain victories.

2. Creating Opportunities: In situations where they face a powerful adversary, Shinyu can use his luck manipulation to assess the best possible outcome and create a favorable situation for Kotoko to activate her ability. By raising the stakes through his gambling prowess, he can encourage Kotoko to push her opponents further into a state of disarray, making it easier for her to control the outcome of their encounter.

3. Shared Risk: When both Shinyu and Kotoko are willing to take significant risks, their powers can amplify each other’s effectiveness. Shinyu’s ability to manipulate luck can create a sense of invincibility, encouraging Kotoko to unleash her powers with confidence. In turn, Kotoko’s ability can heighten the stakes of a gamble, feeding into Shinyu’s luck and making it even more potent. When they work in tandem, they can generate a formidable aura of unpredictability, keeping opponents guessing and off-balance.

4. Mutual Support: The understanding that both their powers can lead to unpredictability allows them to develop a bond of trust. In tense situations, they can rely on each other to navigate their unique abilities, mitigating risks through teamwork. Shinyu can use his luck to buffer Kotoko against negative psychological impacts while she provides him with strategic insights that enhance his gambling decisions.

Conclusion to Ability Breakdown

Shinyu and Kotoko’s abilities create a rich tapestry of potential outcomes. Their powers are designed to interact in ways that can either cancel each other out or elevate their effectiveness. This duality reflects their relationship dynamic—rooted in shared trauma, rivalry, and unspoken affection. When harnessed together, their abilities allow them to navigate challenges with a unique synergy, creating a powerful partnership that is as unpredictable as it is compelling. Whether they face conflict or collaboration, Shinyu and Kotoko’s intertwined fates will continue to shape their shared journey in the world of the Port Mafia.

FULL CONCLUSION

Shinyu Kiwari is a multifaceted character shaped by his traumatic past and his quest for connection and recognition. His name reflects his journey of transformation, symbolizing the courage he musters to forge a new identity and seize opportunities amidst adversity. The connection to Kotoko, framed by the symbolism of the Hazy Moon and the legend of Tanabata, deepens the complexity of their bond. Shinyu’s feelings for Kotoko, steeped in empathy and longing, intertwine with the cyclical nature of their reincarnated existence, reinforcing the idea that they will always find their way back to one another. As he navigates the unpredictable nature of his life—through both gambling and relationships—Shinyu embodies the resilience of the human spirit, the complexities of love, and the ongoing quest for connection in a chaotic world. His story serves as a poignant reminder of the strength found in vulnerability and the power of courage to reshape one’s destiny, underscoring the belief that true love transcends time and circumstance, always waiting for the next moonlit reunion.

Shinyu and Kotoko's relationship is a tapestry woven with threads of fate, trauma, and an unspoken yet palpable bond, reminiscent of the myth of Tanabata. In this tale, Kotoko embodies Orihime, the goddess who weaves the fabric of fate, while Shinyu represents Hikoboshi, the mortal who captures her heart. This mythological backdrop frames their connection, suggesting that their paths were destined to cross, even in a world marked by darkness and chaos. Both Shinyu and Kotoko feel a sense of inevitability about their relationship, as if a cosmic force brought them together against the odds. For Shinyu, this belief fosters a deep and abiding affection for Kotoko, a love that is profound yet largely unreciprocated.

Kotoko, on the other hand, finds herself caught in a web of conflicting emotions. While she is drawn to Shinyu and recognizes the similarities in their experiences—both have faced abandonment, loss, and the harsh realities of survival—her trauma prevents her from fully embracing her feelings. The walls she has built around her heart serve as a barrier against vulnerability. Even as she grapples with her emotions, Kotoko's sharp tongue remains a weapon she wields expertly, often directing her barbs at Shinyu. These jabs serve a dual purpose: they deflect her own fears and insecurities while also keeping Shinyu at arm's length. Though he is aware of her internal struggle, Shinyu respects her space, knowing that pushing too hard would only cause her to retreat further.

One of the most significant aspects of their relationship is how well Shinyu understands Kotoko. Over time, he has become attuned to her emotional shifts, able to discern when she is mentally struggling. If she falls silent or stops her usual teasing, it signals to him that something is amiss. Instead of pressuring her to open up, Shinyu often chooses to sit in comfortable silence beside her. This unspoken companionship speaks volumes; his mere presence is a source of solace for Kotoko, even if she refuses to acknowledge it. Their moments of quiet together reveal the depth of their connection, offering a glimpse of the support that underlies their competitive banter.

The dynamics of Shinyu and Kotoko’s relationship mirror those of Dazai and Chuuya, known as "Soukoku." In a similar vein, Shinyu and Kotoko exhibit a rivalry that fuels their partnership. Their sharp exchanges are reminiscent of Dazai and Chuuya's bickering, where both sides are constantly trying to one-up each other while simultaneously relying on one another’s strengths. This push-and-pull dynamic keeps their relationship vibrant and engaging, with the underlying tension often leading to unexpected moments of camaraderie. Just as Dazai’s emotional intelligence allows him to read Chuuya’s moods, Shinyu possesses a keen sense of Kotoko’s emotional state. This bond, while rooted in rivalry, creates an intricate dance where they understand each other on a level that few others do.

Despite the strong connection between them, the reality is that Shinyu's feelings for Kotoko may remain unfulfilled. He finds himself increasingly aware of the one-sided nature of his affection, as Kotoko continues to deflect his advances and ignore his feelings. This tension creates a bittersweet dynamic—Shinyu longs for something deeper, while Kotoko remains shrouded in her own emotional turmoil. The potential for a romantic relationship exists, yet it is clouded by Kotoko’s refusal to confront her feelings. Shinyu's feelings are slightly more obvious, and while he doesn’t expect her to reciprocate, he remains hopeful that one day she might allow herself to be vulnerable.

Adding another layer to their relationship is the unique synergy of their abilities, which could also serve to cancel each other out. Shinyu's gambling powers give him an edge in unpredictable situations, while Kotoko’s “Sweet Roulette” allows her to manipulate the stakes in her favor. Together, they create a formidable force, but there’s also an inherent risk. Their powers, when used in tandem, could lead to unpredictable outcomes, paralleling the unpredictability of their relationship itself. This dynamic not only underscores the tension between them but also symbolizes the delicate balance they maintain as they navigate their intertwined fates.

In the end, Shinyu and Kotoko’s relationship is a complex web of fate, rivalry, and unspoken emotions. They are two souls bound by their pasts, navigating a world filled with danger and uncertainty. While their connection is strong, it remains tinged with the possibility of what could have been, held back by Kotoko's trauma and Shinyu's yearning. Their journey together, marked by challenges and shared experiences, paints a poignant picture of two individuals seeking solace in each other while grappling with their own demons. Ultimately, their relationship stands as a testament to the complexities of love, rivalry, and the search for connection in a world where both are often elusive.

Shinyu and Kotoko’s abilities are intricately linked to their personalities and experiences, leading to a unique dynamic that allows them to either cancel each other out or work in perfect harmony, depending on the circumstances.

@happy--prince

@9024kickthedrum

@paintedgrilledcheese

#🎰shinyu #bsd oc #bungou stray dogs #🧅mod #bungou stray dogs original character #original character #bungou stray dogs oc #Oc lore #character analysis

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psychewritesbs · 2 years

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Hola capaa~~ argentina y entusiasta de Clamp, JJK y Sonny Boy sos todo❣️❣️

I absolutely love all your psych analysis!! I was wondering if you’d like to write a little about Gojo’s relationship with Megumi, like what he views him as. I know there’s a lot of discourse about whether megumi views him as a father/brother/uncle/mentor/guardián but I’d like to read about Gojo’s probable view.

Saludos de CABA❤️

Hola hola! Mucho gusto ♥!

Dear CABAnon... I just need you to know that your ask is an amazing question that required so much fun and multilayered brainrot.

So thank you for the ask and thank you so much for your kind comments. I will write in English in case anyone else wants to read this word vomit but will say hello in Español at the end of this post.

I'm also so glad you're a CLAMP enthusiast too because I'm going to drop clamptastic moments to illustrate points. My heart rejoices in knowing you'll get it.

So without further ado...

Gojo + Megumi. Let's brainrot...

Also... I may or may not have written a whole analysis post only to realize that I wasn't necessarily answering your question so I ended up deleting most of what I had written.

Hence the delay...

Ok procrastination, attention deficit disorder, and my overall slow temperament might have had something to do with it too. So thank you as well for your patience! 😂

ANY-WAYS!

I've written about my thoughts on this relationship from Megumi's perspective in the past, but I feel like my thoughts could use some more nuance given everything we've seen of this dynamic as of late.

What I'll start by saying is that Gojo isn't a character I spend a lot of time brain rotting about, so I may only scratch the surface of my interpretation of him, or perhaps even mischaracterize him a bit *gasp*.

That to say that in order to answer your question, we kind of have to peel back the layers of this dynamic.

So let's start by taking an in-depth look at Gojo:

Gojo Satoru is human af

Ok so... names have meaning in JJK, right?

So given how popular he is in the JJK-fandom, I am assuming it is common knowledge that his name, and the kanji in his name, alludes to an enlightened being.

In other words, Gojo is a bodhisattva--an enlightened being who is able to enter Nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion for others and their suffering.

But here's the thing...

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Carl Jung

What is interesting about Gojo is that, despite his exalted spiritual status as the personification of a bodhisattva, he is actually VERY human.

For one, in relational dynamic to others he keeps others at a safe distance. Like that's literally part of how his Cursed Technique manifests, which is a beautiful example of how Cursed Technique can be a metaphor for the sense of self.

Second, Gojo CARES SO MUCH AND SO DEEPLY, it is actually shown how his emotional entanglements are one of his main weaknesses.

Now, for context, consider that emotional entanglements are a form of self-related attachment and that, in very simple terms, the goal of enlightenment is to transcend attachments that might hold the sense of self back from Nirvana.

Third, Gojo is a direct product of the society he is a part of since he does carry the burden of The Strongest / The Chosen One.

It's almost like Gojo's clown externalized persona is an attempt to add some much needed comic relief to the self-definition others have given him. An attempt to lessen the heavy burden of what it means for others to think of him and define him as The Strongest.

Now, what does strength/power mean in JJK? Overwhelming sense of self which is the byproduct of self-knowledge.

So I headcanon that it is precisely because he knows he is The Strongest, that, true to his character archetype as a bodhisattva, Gojo seeks to alleviate the suffering of others. Thus, his actions in an attempt to alleviate suffering are the result of his nature.

And here's the fun twist: Gojo seeks to do so through "power".

Now let's add Megumi to the mix.

Issai shujo to tomo ni

To answer your question, in addition to understanding Gojo's nature as a compassionate being driven by his attachment to others, we have to consider his actions and motivations.

Gojo bringing Megumi under his wing is an interesting rabbit hole for many reasons.

So let's start with the idea behind the theme issai shujo to tomo ni (“together with all sentient beings”—regardless of what hell one might fall into).

Consider that "it’s not enough for a bodhisattva of the Mahayana to just uphold the precepts. There are times when you have to break them, too. It’s just that when you do, you have to do so with the resolve of also being willing to accept whatever consequences might follow" (source).

To put it in JJK-words, how is Gojo abusing his position of power to further his own agenda?

Basically, it's a major red flag in terms of how Gojo might initially see Megumi as a means to pushing his own agenda for seeking power in order to fulfill his function as bodhisattva.

It's just that Gojo, as the adult in the dynamic, consciously and willingly manipulated Megumi into something that was beneficial for the both of them.

In other words, this is a red flag because Gojo, the adult, acted like a child and gave Megumi, the child, an adult choice.

This might loosely remind you of this fantastic meme and the context behind it:

(Source: noa-ciharu's fantastic talent for shitposting).

I just wanted to use the meme because it's about someone taking advantage of someone else's lack of psychological maturity.

As a side note, this also made me realize just how much JJK is exploring the idea that people's vulnerabilities get exploited by those who are in positions of power.

The thing is that Gojo could have just as easily ignored Megumi or reported him to the authorities. But he didn't do that, did he?

Instead he took Megumi under his wing and groomed him to become a tool that could help him change the Jujutsu-scheme of things. You could look at this and think "that's awful!" and you can also look at this and think "yes, it's shady, AND Gojo was also looking to help Megumi maximize his highest destiny and potential." More on this in a bit.

This is relevant because it says a lot about Gojo's "humanity" and the lengths he will go to for the sake of his goal and desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

Again, Gojo gave Megumi a choice Megumi should not have had to make. I have a 9 year old nephew, so I'm all for giving children choices so that they can develop their own sense of self. But the choices have to be age appropriate.

In other words, the adult in the room, Gojo, anticipated and used Megumi's innocence and love for Tsumiki as leverage to manipulate a specific response from Megumi that would benefit the both of them.

Which brings us to the next layer...

Noblesse Oblige

I think that because I come from a last name De los Reyes, I LOVE and deeply resonate with this term.

It's so...

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Voltaire

This is where the rabbit hole gets fun because, were it not for Toji's last words to Gojo, Megumi and Gojo might have never crossed paths.

And is there anything more clamptastic than the idea that inevitable emotional entanglements are the result of fate bringing people together?

The question this brings up for me is... even though Toji gave Gojo the choice (here we have choice as a theme again) to do as he pleased, can we consider this to be a curse that Toji put on Gojo seeing as these were his last words to him?

So the fact that Gojo chose to follow through with Toji's last words is the stuff of tragedy given we've already seen that Gojo's weakness are his emotional entanglement to others. And now that Sukuna has taken over Megumi's body... well... should we brace for tragedy?

But I digress...

The point of this layer is to introduce the idea that perhaps Gojo is someone who fosters strength / power in others through self-knowledge, both for the sake of his own agenda, and also because of the idea behind noblesse oblige--with great power comes great responsibility.

In other words, consider Megumi's theme in the sense that it would have been a complete waste of the talent he was born with, the prized family jewel worthy of one chosen by fate, to be squandered away in a lifetime spent fighting bullies.

Did Gojo see Megumi's worth only in terms of his family's name and his Cursed Technique? I think initially that might have been the case.

There's definitively something to be said about how Jujutsu society as a whole is a microcosm for the toxic Capitalist zeitgeist that permeates our world where our worth is measured against what we can do rather than for the mere fact that we are alive.

But... that's the thing, even if Gojo, as a product of his environment who is ironically seeking to upturn the very system that gave him the power that he has... Gojo is still Gojo, and Gojo is human af.

And for someone who is as enlightened as he is...

To blind himself to this truth about himself, to keep others at a safe distance in an attempt to lessen those emotional entanglements... well, it is kind of tragic, isn't it?

My precious student

I could have literally written this section only and called it a day but like... where's the fun in not word vomitting?

I have to say that I am loving how Gege is starting to tie loose ends. Promises he made early on in the manga are starting to unfold before our eyes.

For Gojo, the Hidden Inventory arc sets the stage for seeing just how much Gojo cares and the lengths that he will go through to alleviate the suffering of others because of how deeply compassionate he is.

So there is no doubt in my mind that Gojo CARES for Megumi deeply and holds Megumi in high regard both intellectually and emotionally.

Like... even if the way he recruited Megumi can be considered shady, I personally think it's in Gojo's nature to care deeply.

As a result I personally like the idea that Gojo came to care for, know and understand Megumi deeply. I should probably open a thesaurus to find a synonym for deeply, I've used that word like 5 times already.

I also think that Gojo sees in Megumi a mirror of himself given their fate has been somewhat defined by their respective Cursed Techniques. There's actually a lot of parallels in their behavior if you look closely.

Now, one of the biggest questions in fandom has been what life was like growing up in the Fushiguro household and what it was like to grow up under Gojo's tutelage.

So I love that Gege has finally given us a sneak peek at that dynamic because it sheds light into the answer to your question.

To me the panels above might show how Gojo approached fostering Megumi's talent. I could be wrong, but I get major "let's go for a walk so I can teach you something" vibes.

And like... I can't imagine how Gojo could have possibly avoided getting attached to Megumi if he basically saw him grow up. Whether he was around every day or came and went is the stuff of head canons.

But I definitively think there's a lot of love between these two characters and that Gojo sees Megumi not just as a student whose power he needs to foster through self-knowledge, but also as a protégé that was entrusted to him.

Now... given emotional entanglement is one of Gojo's major weaknesses, it makes me wonder what Gege is going to do once he lets Gojo out of the prison realm.

It makes me wonder what lengths Gojo will go through to alleviate Megumi's suffering.

Spanglish alert!

Merci a ma chérie (@justafrenchlondoner) for being a sounding board to help me answer this loaded question. We both loved the brainrot that ensued because of it.

Finalmente...

EAAAAA! Mucho gusto CABAnon!

Así es! Soy entusiasta de clamp, JJK, y Sonny Boy! Me encanta q t gusten a ti tb! The trifecta of perfection if you ask me. Lo único differente es q soy Mexicana pero al fin de cuenta, esa diferencia importa poco :)

Espero halla podido contestar tu pregunta... jeje... con eso d q me fui por una tangente q ni al caso me tardé un poco mas de lo esperado pero la vdd disfruté mucho contestando tu pregunta.

Espero escuchar de ti y tus pensamientos al respecto d nuevo!

Saludos desde mi pedacito en el Desierto de Chihuahua, victoria la psicoloca.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl #god I love jujutsu kaisen #1 out of 3 asks answered #2 more to go!

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fountainpenguin · 1 year

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4, 6?

[Current Ask game]

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

That's not even a question, ha ha. It's "Sunk Too Deep." This is a Total Drama Island story about the end of the paintball deer hunt episode where Cody is sent home after being mauled by a bear. He's heavily bandaged and in a wheelchair. You see him roll off the edge of the dock and fall in the water, and the episode just fades to black as he and his wheelchair sink.

We know he doesn't drown, but it's never explained how he got out of that situation, and there's also a weird continuity error with him being able to speak in the confessional but not during the elimination ceremony, which I solved by having Heather deliberately gag him in this 'fic so he can't turn the others against her.

One of my favorite parts of this story is that in Season 3, Cody accuses Heather of only talking to him "six times ever" so in all the pre-Season 3 fanfics I wrote, I always had to make sure not to break that canon. When I wrote this story, I was cackling because in my mind I was like, "This only counts as one."

Back when I was writing for Total Drama, I only posted my 'fics on dA because I didn't have an FFN account yet. "Sunk Too Deep" did really well on dA and I later posted it to FFN, where it's also done well over the years. There are so many touching reviews on it, from people who say it's beautiful to people who say it's a total roller coaster to some who say it broke their heart and they cried to people who say they've read it a hundred times :')

"Sunk Too Deep" was something I threw together on a long car drive and I didn't put a lot of thought into it, and I didn't intend it to be emotional, so it's always wild to me that this piece I consider a random one-off side drabble has consistently wrecked emotions and received high praise from readers, ha ha.

To this day I still don't understand what about this story is resonating with people because I personally consider the emotions either heavy-handed or a swing and a miss, but lots of people seem to love it and that makes me happy. I'm glad that younger me chose to post it even though I thought it was just a scrappy little thing.

Maybe I'll put it on AO3 so people can find it there too.

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

"River Teeth." I don't think I've read it since I put it up 5 years ago, but I've never been a huge fan of it. I remember the idea here is that Ernesto has a pet dog whom he adores and the point of this story was to show how Ernesto treats his dog vs. Hector.

I was invited to join a little "angst off" collection where you were limited to 4k words or under. Coco was a nice movie, but I didn't have true passion for creating content for it, and limiting to 4k was very difficult for me, especially for my first 'fic with these characters when I'd never done any type of analysis for them before. I cut several scenes that I thought were fun and I turned it in to meet the 4k word requirements, but never felt good about doing that instead of telling the story I actually wanted to tell with more wordcount.

I personally don't consider it a good reflection of my writing abilities, passions, or style and honestly I've wanted to orphan / delete it dozens of times over the years; I just don't because I've never outright deleted a 'fic before and I'm not sure how I'll feel about doing so. I don't write Coco content other than this, so I don't love seeing it on my profile. Someday I might orphan it on AO3 and wipe it from FFN, but for now it stays /shrug

I do keep this in mind while writing other 'fics, though. First of all I'll be very cautious if I'm ever invited to join another collection with a word cap, and second of all when I write chapters that end up being 27k words on accident, I give them a very careful look to see if there ARE any reasonable places to break the chapter, but if there aren't then I keep it the way it is and I don't force myself to break it in a way I don't want it broken.

I'll publish at the length I'm happy with and everyone else can take breaks if they feel the need to, and I'm happier than I would be if I always forced myself to stick to my typical 12k word cap.

[Current Ask game]

#Total Drama #td Cody #td Heather #Total Drama fanfic #Coco #Ask box games #asks #Anon #ridwriting #A visual art collection where you get banned for stylizing the characters off-model that's what word caps are to me /lh

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mae-i-scribble · 2 years

Text

Random thoughts about the orv epilogue part 3/????

Up this round: Yoo Joonghyuk’s status as a Character and how orv makes using characters as thematic stand ins work without sacrificing character integrity.

Going into this I am denoting yjh’s status as a “character” within the confines of orv with a captial C “Character” and talking about characters in general without the capitalization

If I were to discuss all the ways that orv uses yjh to discuss the larger themes of what characters mean to their readers, authors, and stories I would be writing a thesis paper and I am writing these at 2 am so the brain cells are not amassing to that high a level. The moment in the epilogues I will be focusing on is when yjh reveals his reasoning for why he needs to find kdj. “He still had something he simply had to ask Kim Dokja, that’s why... ‘what should he do to continue living on?’ That’s right. That’s what he wanted to ask Kim Dokja. Because that guy knew everything.” Yjh, who continuously seeks out kdj time and time again to determine what he should do next, trusting in kdj’s plans, of course kdj would be the first person he wants to ask about what to do with himself. Yjh has no idea what kind of person he is outside of the scenarios, but out of everyone he knows, kdj is the one he trusts to give him the clearest answer to that question that’s been haunting him. In a mushy gushy character sense, kdj is the person who gives yjh’s life meaning. In a thematic sense, the exact same is true, but because a reader decides what a character’s value is, above all else. Every person who reads a novel is going to come away with a slightly different impression of each character, and every individual reader will assign their own meanings to these characters. Because yjh and kdj exist as reader and character, kdj becomes the driving force behind yjh’s purpose.

One could argue that orv goes to great lengths to say the exact opposite: that characters exist in volumes larger than what is written down in any piece of fiction, that characters have agency from both their author and reader and can never be understood by the story alone. And to that I say, yeah you’re completely right. Those are major themes of orv, but it in no way reduces the thematic impact of the moments centered around the reader and character relationship, because both themes are expressed simultaneously. Case and point, the fight between yjh and kdj on reincarnation island, where yjh is furious that he is a Character to kdj and questioning how meaningful kdj finds their relationship, leading to the following exchange.

“⸢I’m right here, in this place.⸥

I know.

⸢Even then, you only chose to read and nothing else.⸥

….Because, that is our way of living. You acted, and I read you doing it.

Yjh is trying to assert his reality, the fact that he if alive and breathing and *here,* that he is not a Character, he is not someone to be read about and never acknowledged in person. He knows what kdj is doing and is almost begging the man to talk to him, person to person, only to realize that even now, kdj is choosing to “read” him via his thoughts. Kdj’s internal response “that is our way of living. You acted, and I read you doing it,” asserts that the foundation of their relationship exists in that character/reader dynamic. Neither character is necessarily proved wrong in their convictions, yjh declaration of who he is, just as he has been doing, marks him as not some mere story. Meanwhile kdj has long grown past using yjh’s status as a Character to define how he sees yjh, even actively pushing against seeing yjh as a Character but still recognizing that their initial dynamic when he knew yjh as words on a page will always be a core part of their dynamic. Furthering this point, the moment where yjh reflects on the purpose of his life as he is about to die at the hands of the outer gods. His narration says:

He must never let his companions know of his survival.

His absence must become their eternal hope.

...

Yu Jung-Hyeok instinctively realised that this was his conclusion.

‘This is the end I wished to see.’

It could’ve been a slightly more excellent conclusion.

If he had made a different choice back then, or maybe, if he chose to go down the better direction, then…. Yu Jung-Hyeok smiled bitterly.

In the end, he remained a regressor even until his final moment.

...

That was the summary of his life.

“I’m Yu Jung-Hyeok.”

At least a handful of people would be saved by his life.

There are a lot of things happening in these final moments of his, such as determining that his purpose was not to bring kdj back, but to become a beacon of hope for the companions he left behind. In thematic terms, he is saying how the purpose of the character is to be hope for even a single person, their summary is to be a saving force for a handful of people. However, much as in the first example, none of what yjh is saying feels out of character. He is the same person who regressed thousands of times just to save the world and his companions, he is more than assuredly a person who would conclude the purpose of his life is to give them hope at the cost of himself. Interspersed with the more thematically relevant thoughts are the thoughts of yjh the character, how even now, he still has the mindset of a regressor. And ultimately this is what makes orv hit as hard as it does, the way that the meta themes never fall out of place with its characters. Orv is a story built around its themes, such that every character’s arcs and history mold themselves in a way to cater to these themes rather than themes coming in at the last moment and drastically redefining a character. While I do think it can be more heavy handed than it needs to be, especially in the final chapter with hsy essentially explaining to the readers why orv has an open ending, I still believe this style of thematic storytelling to be incredibly well done and executed through the main trio in particular. Also my heart cries tears of blood rereading yjh’s final moments like this. Part 1 | Part 2 | ... | Part 4

#orv #omniscient reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv spoilers #joongdok #yoo joonghyuk #yjh #kim dokja #kdj #han sooyoung #hsy #anyways crying screaming throwing up #this novel makes me want to claw my heart out but also go back to writing high school analytical essays #its a strange conundrum #my emotional posts will be more popular but my heart is here in the analysis #my shitty shitty 1st grade analysis #not that im blaming myself like i said 2am writing #MINIMAL effort is being put into this #i say as i had to physically restrain myself from adding citation markers

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fireemblems24 · 3 years

Text

Why I Never Really Talk About Claude

Because there's nothing to say. As much as I hate to say it.

NOTE: I love Claude, and this is in no way meant to say anything bad about him, but Verdant Wind and how it handles him. I didn't tag him, but I want Claude fans to give me their amazing meta analysis and help me indulge in his character. So if you see this - no hate. Please send love.

Gronder Field was obviously a huge turning point for AM and Dimitri - and trust me, I'll definitely get to that - but ironically it was also an eye-opener for VW.

This game is four routes, and at first I tried to give all four their dues, but lately I've talked almost exclusively about CF and AM. With CF on hold until the other routes are also at their final chapter(s), it's become more apparent how little I mention SS and VW.

SS is obvious. It lacks a strong central figure. Rhea is MIA. Edelgard has no presence. Claude and Dimitri weren't supposed to be big characters here, and they aren't. Byleth is too much of a non-character (by design) to pull the weight of a route on his own (my SS is M!Byleth).

But what about VW? What happened?

Initial Impressions of Claude

Claude's writing, before any other character, got my attention. Edelgard I was already biased towards before even opening the game, fueled by her stark difference in design/unit type than other FE leading ladies and knowledge that her route had a split. Hilariously, Dimitri's the one I paid little attention too. But once I actually started the game and heard the characters talk and such, it was Claude who stood out the most.

Claude was witty, promising, and mysterious in a natural way and not the "yeah, sure" way I felt towards Dimitri's "darkness." 😅Edelgard turned out exactly how I expected (and not in a bad way); it was Claude who proved unexpected. It was his prologue dialogue I enjoyed the best, his class introductions that made me laugh.

But sadly that interest burned out.

Edelgard continued to demand my attention throughout part 1. I didn't always agree with her, but I did stay invested in figuring out what her deal was, what she'd do next, etc . . . She surprised me, intrigued me, made me want to discuss her ideas.

Dimitri blindsided me. He tore at my heartstrings without even trying. Ever since the Lonato rebellion, Dimitri got my attention and never let it go. His empathy and stark contrast with his revenge, the truth about his darkness, and so, so much more took him from "there's a third guy" to hands down favorite.

But what did Claude have going for him? Looks? Sure. A fun personality? Definitely. But what about plot, conflict, growth? Throughout part 1, I wanted to know more about what Edelgard planned behind the scenes and her ideals. And during that time, my heart ached for Dimitri as I watched a battle he kept losing and felt so conflicted about his desire for revenge.

What did Claude feel? What did he want? I still kind of don't know. Lack of prejudice between borders? Me too! But what does that have to do at all with what's happening in the game? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Gronder Field

Gronder Field made it just how apparent Claude and VW feels like an awkward third wheel.

During the cut scene, Dimitri and Edelgard had parts that made me (or would've made me) desperate to know what on earth was going on with them. Why is Edelgard invading everyone and, once again, trying to kill her classmates? If she's sad about it, why did she start this war? WTF happened to Dimitri? WTF is going on in the Kingdom? If I wasn't in the middle of it, I'd plan to get to CF and AM asap.

Claude says nothing interesting. Nothing intriguing. It's a throwaway line any character could've said about how this is such a bad class reunion. Honestly, it feels like he got dumped with the lines they needed for advertising because the other two were too caught up in having an actual storyline.

Throughout the game, there's moments that would've made me desperate to play CF and AM, but Claude really hasn't gotten the same treatment.

Claude Deserves Better

The thing is, I like Claude. Writing this reminded me what a fantastic impression he made initially. I love his drive for knowledge, the almost idealistic world he lives to create despite his world-weary character, and how he seemed far more mysterious than the other two (and still is frankly), and didn't get used as a tool to pander to the player self-insert nearly as much either.

But he's been given nothing to work with. Rhea, Edelgard, and Dimitri all have desperate stakes in what happens. Claude doesn't. Or it feels like he doesn't. Even more of the students and faculty have more going on than poor Claude. Things are desperate, emotional, full of conflict, growth, and action. This is what makes someone connect to a story, but Claude feels so disconnected that it's hard to invest.

VW feels less like a cohesive story that could stand on its own and more like a series of battles strung together. Claude has neither Edelgard's strong motivations and active presence nor Dimitri's strong motivations and dynamic development.

It's in the details too. In CF, people are fighting for Edelgard and the Empire. In AM, people are fighting for Dimitri and the Kingdom. In SS, people are fighting for Byleth, Rhea, and the Church of Serios. In VW, people are fighting for . . . Byleth.

I mean, even in FEH Claude doesn't get special treatment. It seems Legendary Edelgard got a giant advertisement video for her release, and Legendary Dimitri got his own mini-foreging bonds with full voice acting. Legendary Claude got nothing. Maybe he's not as popular are the other two (I've stayed out of the fandom outside of my blog for obvious reasons - so I don't really know), but maybe the reason he's less popular (I'm assuming) is because there's a lack of emotional resonance compared to the others.

Honestly, it makes me irritated. Claude has so much potential as a lead character. There's so much to work with, but the game just doesn't play to his strengths, doesn't connect his desires and goals to the plot, ignores Almyra, and has him remain distant from everyone - including the plot. He deserves better.

Claude Fans, I Need Your Help

That said, I know, for fact, I am overlooking parts of his character. Claude fans, please help! Send me your analysis of his characters, what you admire, what his faults are etc . . . (please just no spoilers post Gronder, if you let me know I need to read it later, I'll like it go back to it).

I'm playing all 4 routes at the same time, which means I'm doing monastery weeks back-to-back-to-back-to-back - which means lots and lots of supports all at once. It's impossible for me to retain all that information. There are definitely Claude moments I've overlooked and forgotten.

I also know, for fact, that when you love a character, you can write an entire essay off of one line of dialogue/scene (yes, I've done it 😅). Please send me those essays. I want more Claude love on here, because I'm quickly remembering how much I loved Claude.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #fe16 #not tagging him because I don't want anyone to see this and think it's hate #it's not #I really like Claude #but I don't want anyone to see the title and get upset #after the game I'm going to ask everyone to send their opinions and meta and essays on all 3 leads plus rhea anyways #and I'll def tag there because it'll be a totally neutral post

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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 3 years

Text

Hot takes about Severus Snape are a wierdly decent glimpse into how a person with progressive values analyses things. Literally every time someone talks about Snape, it’s like this tiny window into how one-dimentionally people actually think.

Recently saw a twitter post that was a fantastic example. Here’s how it goes (paraphrasing):

Person A:“Snape is POC and Queer coded, that’s why you guy’s hate him uwu lol.”

Person B: “Actually I hate him because he was mean and abusive to children under his care uwu but go off I guess lol”

Both of these takes are designed to be dramatic and/or reactionary. They each use partial truths to paint very broad strokes. These are get-em-in-one-hit quips. This is virtue signalling, if you’ll excuse that loaded phrase. Nobody had a substantial conversation, but now everyone who sees their statement knows the high ground they took.

At least a hundred other people chimed in to add their own little quippy hot takes into play, none of which add anything significant, but clearly made everyone feel very highly of themselves.

So many layers of nuance and complex analysis is completely lost in this kind of discussion. On tumblr, you get more of this kind of bullshit, but you don’t have a word count limit, so you guys just spew endless mountains of weak overblown evidence backing up your bullshit arguments, none of which was really about engaging in a real conversation anyway.

Here’s the thing about Snape.

He is a childhood domestic abuse victim. His abuser is a muggle.

He becomes a student at a magical school that takes him away from his abuser and immediately instills in him the idea that being a part of this magical world is a badge of self-worth, empowerment, and provides safety and security - provided that he keeps in line.

There is a war is being waged in that world over his right to exist (he is a half blood).

He is a marginalized person within the context of the narrative, forced to constantly be in the same living space as the children of his own oppressors who are being groomed and recruited into a hate group militia (the pureblood slytherins). They are in turn trying to do the same to him.

He is marginalized person bullied by children who are also part of his oppressor group, but who have “more liberal” leanings and aren’t direct about why he’s being targeted (the mauraders are all purebloods, Sirius, who was the worst offender, was raised in a bigoted household, the same one that produced Bellatrix.).

He had a crush on a girl who is a muggleborn, and therefore she is considered even lesser than him and carries a stigma to those who associate with her. That girl was his only real friend. In his entire life.

For both Snape and Lily, allying themselves to a pureblood clique within their own houses would be a great way of shielding themselves from a measure of the bigotry they were probably facing. There would have been obvious pressure from those cliques to disconnect with one and other.

Every other person who associates with Snape in his adulthood carries some sort of sociopolitical or workplace (or hate cult) baggage with their association. Some of them will physically harm and/or kill him if he steps out of line. He hasn’t at any point had the right environment to heal and adjust from these childhood experiences. Even his relationship with Dumbledore is charged with constant baggage, including the purebloods who almost killed him during their bullying getting a slap on the wrist, the werewolf that almost killed him as a child being placed in an authority position over new children, etc. Dumbledore is canonically manipulative no matter his good qualities, and he has literally been manipulating Snape for years in order to cultivate a necessary asset in the war.

He is a person who is not in the stable mental state necessary to be teaching children, whom has been forced to teach children. While also playing the role of double agent against the hate group militia, the one that will literally torture you for mistakes or backtalk or just for fun. The one that will torture and kill him if he makes one wrong move.

Is the math clicking yet? From all of this, it’s not difficult to see how everything shitty about Snape was cultivated for him by his environment. Snape was not given great options. Snape made amazingly awful choices, and also some amazingly difficult, courageous ones. Snape was ultimately a human who had an extremely bad life, in which his options were incredibly grim and limited.

In fact, pretty much every point people make about how shitty Snape is as a person makes 100% logical sense as something that would emerge from how he was treated. Some if it he’s kind of right about, some of it is the inevitable reality of suffering, and some of it is part of the cycle of abuse and harm.

Even Snape’s emotional obsession with Lily makes logical sense when you have the perspective that he literally has no substantial positive experiences with other human beings that we know of, and he has an extreme, soul destroying guilt complex over her death. Calling him an Incel mysoginist nice guy projects a real-world political ideology and behavior that does not really apply to the context of what happened to him and her.

Even Snape’s specific little acts of cruelty to certain students is a reflection of his own life experiences. He identifies with Neville; more specifically, he identifies his own percieved emotional weaknesses in his childhood in Neville. There’s a very sad reason there why he feels the urge to be so harsh.

Snape very clearly hates himself, in a world where everyone else hates him, too. Imagine that, for a second. Imagine total internal and external hatred, an yearning for just a little bit of true connection. For years. Imagine then also trying to save that world, even if it’s motivated by guilt. Even if nobody ever knows you did it and you expect to die a miserable death alone.

There are more elements here to consider, including the way Rowling described his looks (there may be something in there re: ugliness and swarthy stereotyping). These are just the things that stand out the most prominently to me.

J.K. Rowling is clearly also not reliable as an imparter of moral or sociopolitical philosophies. I don’t feel that her grasp of minority experiences is a solid one, considering how she picks and chooses who is acceptable and who is a threat.

All of that said, this is a logically consistent character arc. Within the context of his narrative, Snape is a marginalized person with severe PTSD and emotional instability issues who has absolutely no room available to him for self-improvement or healing, and never really has. And yes, he’s also mean, and caustic, and verbally abusive to the students. He’s also a completey miserable, lonely person.

There are elements in his character arc that mirror real world experiences quite well. If nothing else, Rowling is enough of an emotional adult to recognise these kinds of things and portray something that feels authentic.

In my opinion, it’s not appropriate to whittle all this down by comparing him directly to the real world experiences of marginalized groups - at least if you are not a part of the group you are comparing him to. There have been many individuals who have compared his arc to their own personal experiences of marginalization, and that is valid. But generally speaking, comparing a white straight dude to people who are not that can often be pretty offensive. This is not a valuable way to discuss either subject.

Also, I believe that while it’s perfectly okay to not like Snape as a character, many of the people who act like Person B are carrying Harry’s childhood POV about Snape in their hearts well into their own adulthood. And if nothing else, Rowling was attempting to say something here about how our perspectives (should) grow and change as we emotionally mature. She doesn’t have to be a good person herself to have expressed something true about the world in this instance, and since this story is a part of our popular culture, people have a right to feel whatever way they do about this story and it’s characters.

The complexity of this particular snapshot of fictionalized marginalization, and what it reveals about the human experience, cannot be reduced down to “he’s an abuser so he’s not worth anyone’s time/you are bad for liking him.”

And to be honest, I think that it reveals a lot about many of us in progressive spaces, particularly those of us who less marginalized but very loud about our values, that we refuse to engage with these complexities in leu of totally condemning him. Particularly because a lot of the elements I listed above are indeed reflected in real world examples of people who have experienced marginalization and thus had to deal with the resulting emotional damage, an mental illness, and behavior troubles, and bad decisions. Our inability to address the full scope of this may be a good reflection of how we are handling the complexity of real world examples.

Real people are not perfect angels in their victimhood. They are just humans who are victims, and we all have the capacity to be cruel and abusive in a world where we have been given cruelty and abuse. This is just a part of existing. If you cannot sympathise with that, or at least grasp it and aknowledge it and respect the people who are emotionally drawn to a character who refects that, then you may be telling on yourself to be honest.

To be honest, this is especially true if you hate Snape but just really, really love the Mauraduers. You have a right to those feelings, but if you are moralizing this and judging others for liking Snape, you’ve confessed to something about how you’ve mentally constructed your personal values in a way I don’t think you’ve fully grasped yet.

I have a hard time imagining a mindset where a story like Snape’s does not move one to empathy and vicarious grief, if I’m honest. I feel like some people really just cannot be bothered to imagine themselves in other people’s shoes, feeling what they feel and living like they live. I struggle to trust the social politics of people who show these kinds of colors, tbh.

But maybe that’s just me.

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k-rising · 3 years

Text

Bambam's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol’s natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol has confirmed his birth time].

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠

has a maternal instinct

protective

empathic

generous

doesn't like changes

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐮𝐧 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

practical

greedy

trustworthy

EXTREMELY stubborn

affectionate when in love

possessive

very sensual

methodical

has a slow pace

likes luxury and comfort

can be materialistic

in love with food

patient

has strong feelings

interested in how others sees him

being successful and having a good reputation is important to bambam

he was born to be a public figure

great willpower to achieve his goals

ambitious

Sun sextile Moon

wants to relate to others as equals

makes others feel comfortable around him

even though bambam does assert himself, he tries not to offend people

has a strong sense of purpose

seeks harmony

his will and emotions work well together

likes feeling attracted to people and he also likes being in a relationship

always finds a way around problems

likes seeing the bigger picture of things

Sun conjunct Venus

tends to say 'yes' to everything

artistic

sociable

hella creative

bambam beautifies everything he touches

Sun trine Mars

unique

confident

brave

competitive

impulsive

combative

Sun square Jupiter

misjudgment

bambam can be misled by his own optimism

his ego gets in the way of growth in some way

Sun square Uranus

unpredictable

nervousness and defensive energy can be possible here as well

has an electrifying and magnetic personality

doesn't like stereotypes

rebellious

can rebel himself too much against authority and society somehow

dislikes being pinned down

fears being judged for being "weird"

bambam can try so hard at being as eccentric as possible

can find it hard to fit in :(

he can also be misguided by other people

Sun sextile Ascendant

it might be easy to gain popularity but he might not know what to do with it once he has it

bambam could receive a lot of awards/prizes throughout his life

stick to his values

known for his integrity and position

very aware of how people view him and how to impress them

noticed and respected

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

very romantic

a dreamer

intuitive

he automatically tunes in with the moods and thoughts of others

idealistic

tends to isolate himself quite often

his way of facing reality is to avoid it lol

hypersensitive

Moon opposite Mars

always looking for a goal to achieve

there's inner restlessness here

impatient

gets easily frustrated

Moon square Pluto

very difficult to control

may manipulate others without realizing

it can be hard for bambam to get into a relationship

jealous

difficult times teaches him important things that allows him to be much more powerful

bambam might think that he's always in danger

paranoid

it can be hard for him to accept and heal from traumas

fears intimacy... but once he opens his heart he is extremely caring

Moon trine Ascendant

adaptable to other's feelings

he can also loose himself in others

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

fixed in his opinions

respectful and calm tone

this position helps bambam to realistically harness his talents and develop them with perseverance

it also helps him to become aware of his own personal worth

smart

this position also indicates that bambam can be very good at composing songs!

his speaking skills are what make him stand out the most

he knows how to treat people

cares a lot about his job and his finances

Mercury square Uranus

bambam could feel a lot of tension when expressing himself in general

with this aspect, I think it's difficult for bambam to concentrate

unpredictable in communication

can be easily misunderstood

Mercury square Neptune

persuasive

as I said before, he can be quite manipulative not only with others but also with himself

can get easily confused

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡)

bambam wants to be with someone with whom he can feel comfortable with

seeks for a safe relationship

loyal

he's also attracted to people who have either financial stability or who have a certain amount of money

he might like someone who works as a singer, actor/actress, etc

bambam has some adorable friends

he creates genuine friendships

gets along with everyone

has a variety of friends

he's likely to fall in love with his friends OR the other way around

attracted to people who have the same interests and who support the same causes that bambam does

fun to be around

his relationships must possess some kind of unconventional element to keep him interested

Venus trine Mars

wants commitment and loyalty in a relationship

seeks to connect with others

very protective of his loved ones

relationships are very important for bambam

loving

very passionate when in love

extremely affectionate

loves socializing

Venus square Jupiter

can be overly demanding of others

bambam could have some bad luck in his relationships

can be impulsive in relationships OR can easily mislead himself in them

Venus sextile Ascendant

vital and radiant glow

has a powerful self expression

this aspect create youthfulness in his appearance

progressive in style

his aesthetic and the way he dresses speak for his personality

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

pays a lot of attention to details

hella critical

very helpful to others

a perfectionist

meticulous

analytical

likes order and solving problems

as I said earlier, he will probably end up falling in love with his friends or friends of their friends

he can also like someone from the industry

Mars sextile Ascendant

independent

energetic and motivated 24/7

has a lot of physical strength

people often see bambam as someone brave, fierce and daring

stands up for himself

an initiator

others respect him for his attitude and how he approaches life

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦

stubborn af

wants things to go his own way

radiates a stable and grounded aura

obsessed with money and comodity

has a strong sense of personal aesthetic in some way

𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦

born to shine and being well-known

there's so much potential for being successful with this stellium

bambam can come off as authoritative in some way as well

he always knows how to make a great first impression and be well-liked

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

works well in groups

very willing to try new things

this position brings bambam good fortune when he's inventive and cooperative

likes breaking the rules

works better when he has freedom to choose what to do and how to do it

his mind is always ahead of others

interested in music

has a great attitude towards aspects of life that others find much more uncomfortable

has a positive attitude towards crisis and traumas

helps people get out of difficult situations

this is also an indicator of great wealth

Jupiter sextile Saturn

this aspect expands optimism, confidence and luck towards his goals and his career

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

afraid of rejection and failure :(

a very capable leader!

asserting his rights can cause bambam a lot of anxiety

this aspect can cause a delayed development of his ambitions

this position creates a sense of responsibility for himself, even if his confidence is lacking!

he have assumed a great responsibility from a very young age

bambam feels that he must achieve something in the world

can be challenged by authority figures a lot

vulnerable to criticism

Saturn sextile Uranus

wants to be a leader

Saturn trine Pluto

people respect him and sees him as someone very powerful

power comes naturally to bambam

Saturn square Ascendant

bambam can also have a pessimistic outlook on life

he probably also have had a lot of critiques from others by the way he lives his life and how he behaves

bambam could feel like he had faced many obstacles throughout his life

Saturn conjunct MC

ambition and work ethic are through the roof here

workaholic

bambam takes work very seriously

tends to get along and respect those in authority

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟕𝐭𝐡)

changes expand his way of seeing things

bambam may have a partner far above of his social position

his ways of loving freedom make him hate feeling tied up to others

Uranus conjunct Neptune

intuition and intellect brings a powerful connection here

Uranus sextile Pluto

tends to enter people’s lives unexpectedly

brings transformation and change into people’s lives

Uranus sextile MC

bambam was born to have a unique career

he also rebels to those who challenges his path

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞 (𝟕𝐭𝐡)

business and success are idealized here

bambam has to choose his relationships carefully and be honest with himself

he may believe in soul mates

needs to learn to be more objective in relationships and develop discipline

Neptune sextile Pluto

bambam has a natural ability to transform

might be fascinated by secrets and mysteries

has a strong desire to realize his dreams

Neptune trine North Node

bambam has a strong sense of destiny

he already started his destiny, yall

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐨 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

playful

can be very spiritual

he may like experimenting and exploring himself

bambam has a powerful urge to express his creativity

can become very overprotective of his loved ones

afraid of rejection and betrayal

Pluto trine MC

hella focused on his goals

bambam wants to forge his own path to success

he may reinvent his goals and career path several times throughout his life

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐞 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

needs to stay healthy

has to learn to be a leader and take responsibilities

has to learn to say ‘no’

bambam's life lesson is to learn to stand up for himself

he needs to communicate his ideas more and he needs to start thinking for himself

bambam needs to allow himself to learn lots of new things

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝟐𝐧𝐝

may spend a lot of money on personal wants and needs

loves showing off the things he buys

bambam needs to have a better money management lmao

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝟑𝐫𝐝

smooth and more deeper toned voice

he's a great advisor

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐈𝐂

bambam loves spending time at home

he probably had a very pleasant childhood

he learned to cope with his problems by handling them on his own

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝟓𝐭𝐡

intense

picky

wants to be with someone who radiates a very sensual aura

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝟔𝐭𝐡

his work style may not be so organized lol

bambam is probably those type of person who will only do what he feels like doing and does not pressure himself to do stuff lol

doesn't like when others tell him what to do

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

bambam could probably end up with someone more older than him OR more mature

he probably will end up in a relationship later in life

seeks for long-lasting relationships

has high standards

likes someone who is successful and hard working

he wants someone who only shows their softest side to him

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝟖𝐭𝐡

kinky af

secretive about his fantasies OR he doesn't care of being judged by them

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝟗𝐭𝐡

music plays such a big role in his life

he probably doesn't talk much about his opinions and beliefs

he needs to search what he truly believes in without being influenced by others

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐂

again, well respected

always determined to finish what he starts

a position of authority would be the best for bambam

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡

values friendship A LOT

is great at comforting his friends

bambam probably stays in contact with a lot of his childhood friends

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡

this surprises me a lot, but this position can point out lots of social anxiety

bambam can distance himself from others quite often

#bambam #got7 #kunpimook bhuwakul #kunpimook #bambam astrology #got7 astrology #bambam imagines #got7 imagines

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lovee-infected · 4 years

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Alright, this might be a bit too early to be saying this, but ever since Rook's 'betrayal' and those who are hating on him now...I'm kind of worried the same thing might happen to Silver. Since each of the stories take parts from the movies, we know that Silver is twisted from the sword that killed Maleficent. And what if he's forced to defeat Malmal? Knowing toxic people are in the fandom, they might start bashing others for still loving him. That's what scares me. ~🍁leaf anon

I was thinking of the same thing a few days ago www. Well, *sigh* time for another analysis I guess:

Considering what we had to go through after Pomefiore chapter...I thought if it was really just because of how the story ended. But I came to realize something important, the drama wasn't simply because a NRC student voted for RSA, it was because Rook did this, a character who already had a considerably dramatic reputation in the fandom way before Pomefiore was released:

Let me give you a better example, Leona. In savanaclaw's arc Leona was this close to seriously killing Ruggie. We all know that it wasn't intentional, his attack was a result of having his magic stone tainted which soon led to Leona's overblot so his actions/ emotions weren't really under his control at the time.

But still, he almost killed Ruggie but no one ever really started a drama or #CancelLeonaKingscholar tag over it, I'd dare say no one even blamed him either.

Well Leona might not be the best example we can use here but I assure you, if Rook does something really bad, and Leoona does the exacf same thing afterwards, Leona would face less punishment and blame because of his current popularity and clout.

According to the statistics, Leona's currently the most popular dorm leader and most likely the most popular character of the game, doing something absolutely horrible may lead to a mild decrease in number of fans, yet, it'll never, never be as dramatic and horrible as what fans did over Rook.

Look, clout is very important, so if a potentionally popular character does something bad a considerble majority of fans might simply ignore and exucse their deeds, note that as students who have souls of greatest of villains none of them were ever supposed to be any pure either; NRC is a school of villains.

What I'm trying to say, is that the drama was also exaggerated because it was with Rook of all people. Both Rook and Vil are characters who have been looked down on and harassed ever since twst was released, so no wonder why the fandom exploded when Rook of all people made NRC lose the VDC.

-Defending your bias- is something quite common in not just twst but rather each and every fandom all over the world! I'm not saying everyone would just ignore everything horrible their bias has done to defend them, but a huge majority of fans would this soooo when dramas like his arrive, more popular characters like Leona and Malleus have a higher chance of survival while Rook just drowned under the pile of hate comments and posts.

Regarding the Diasomnia chapter, I'd give you an example using Malleus; He is a very important character, dare to say the most important character of the game after Yuu. Why am I saying this? Oh God, can't you all see? The one and only character to be on twst's official poster, the only one who got an official artwork aside his concept art and game cards design; the very last character we're going to have a SSR pick up for and the last dorm leader we're going to meet and also the only character who happened to befriend and get to know Yuu without knowing them much or having a specific chance to meet them in school.

Why is his role so important? We don't know. We don't know what makes Malleus special and that's my point, it can even turn out to be something truly evil.

I love Malleus, but at the same time I don't fully trust him, his "I've got lovely plans to entertain you here" has been giving me chills for so long and if he turns out to be a total contrast to the silly tamagotchi baby this fandom has made of him I won't be the least surprised; yet, even if we get to face a plot twist that changes our entire perspective towards him ( in bad way) I still won't unstan him, not because I think of him as a misunderstood and isolated young boy who is kind and pure at heart no matter how scary he looks on the outside.

Each and every of our characters (except Silver, I'd later explain why) have a dark side to them whether you like it or not, that's a fact. Expecting guys who are supposedly twisted Villains to behave like a prince on the white horse is nothing but a wild fanon fantasy.

I guess Diasomnia chapter is still going to face less drama since most of Diasomnia characters are considerbly popular among the fans, but Sebek's on think ice I'd say, I'm sure that I won't ever see a #CancelMalleusDraconia tag but a #CancelSebekZigvolt tag? That's not too far from mind considering how Rook got shitted on because of a simple vote. I guess almost all of us have already prepared for Silver's possible betrayal as the sword so if anyone ever dares start a drama over something which we already saw coming long ago, that's a matter of immaturity and obvious stupidity.

Long story short, no matter what happens in the future story line, I expect everyone to be civil. Just a boo is all it takes for some dramtic fans to lose their minds again but let me tell you: Even if Malleus DIES(which is logically impossible) in the very end I'm still mature enough to never start a drama over it no matter how badly it hurts.

But...since I know there's never really a way to prevent drama in this fandom, all I can say is to stay silent whenever you see a wave of drama. Don't support the drama, but don't oppose to it either, just ignore it.

I was watching as the wave of Rook drama washed down the fandom and this is the summary of how posts changed under the tags:

12 hours after the release of Pomefiore's final episodes: Memes clowning Rook, mild spams of hate.

12 hours- 4 days after the release of Pomefiore's final episodes: Posts defending Rook, shoutouts, stuff explaining why Rook's vote for RSA made sense, etc.

You see what I mean? The first 12 hours was the main wave of hate spam but this drama was mainly about the spam of posts defending Rook, not attacking him.

Continuing a drama, whether it's by hating a character or defending them just worsens the chaos even as you're totally right and mean good.

The one and only way to truly prevent a drama from being spread all over the fandom, is by not supporting/atracking any posts, ignoring drama and waiting until no one is talking about it anymore.

#answered #leaf anon🍁#twisted wonderland #twst #malleus draconia #leona kingscholar #silver #lilia vanrouge #rook hunt #sebek zigvolt #ruggie Bucchi

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takuyakistall · 4 years

Text

I recently re-read his Dorm SSR personal story here! A few questions and thoughts lingered inside my head as I read it and it collectively got worse when @poisonepel started questioning things too. Which ultimately led to me writing this down while running on half a brain cell and a spoonful of rice for lunch. This isn’t necessarily an analysis but more of just me questioning a lot of stuff. I already pointed out things that are already obvious so it might get repetitive. Placed under the cut since it’s a bit lengthy! I tried my best to be coherent in the very least.

Rook’s Nickname for Jade - Rook calls Jade “Monsieur Mastermind” and perhaps you’re already telling me right now that I shouldn’t look deeper into this since it doesn’t look like it matters anyway but let me tell you right now that I tend to overanalyze things when it comes to Jade. I find it a bit odd how Rook calls Jade the mastermind, presuming that we’re talking about the Octavinelle trio, when it’s often Azul that’s shown to be as such. Of course, it’s been revealed that Rook analyzes or stalks nearly everything that happens to catch his interest (Jade’s Gym Personal). So it’s safe to presume that his judgement is, if not entirely correct, accurate. “Your staple food, your habits, your walking speed, when you sleep, your heart rate, how many times you blink… those and many others I have recorded perfectly.” Just by reading this line alone I became pretty sure that he observed something deeper than that--which is his personality.

The question is, why is Jade the mastermind instead of Azul? Why is Azul’s nickname “Roi du Fort” instead of being the mastermind? Well, it might be common knowledge but Jade, in a way, controls Azul despite what it looks like to the public which is Azul controlling Jade since he, as the higher authority, has power over him. I read a popular post explaining why Jade probably undertakes the role of a servant rather than taking the position for himself knowing that he has the full capabilities to do so. This will be explained further later in a different note.

What I’m trying to imply is that behind the scenes, Azul isn’t really the mastermind behind everything despite what it seems. It’s Jade who’s really in control of things, by picking up the act of a servant or butler.

“If the entire hierarchy collapses just due to the absence of a single person, then that proves that they aren’t all as great as they seem.” - I just had the need to point this particular line out since it just seemed so… Jade. Everything about this line just screams out the same vibes he radiates, cold and severe. I know he’s faking the whole thing about having a falling out with Azul and wanting to join Pomefiore but I think it is true that without him, Octavinelle won’t nearly be as great from when he was still there.

First of all, He’s Octavinelle’s vice-dorm leader. Surely, being in such a high position, he carries a lot of duties that only he can do as the acting vice leader. There’s also the fact that he does it superbly than other people which is why Octavinelle is the way it is right now, it would be hard to replace him. They would have to look for someone who’s on par with Jade, in the very least.

Secondly, he’s somewhat an emotional pillar to Azul. Judging from their childhood and current relationship as of now, I like to think that a big reason why Azul is the way he is right now, is because of Jade and Floyd acting as his emotional support or whatever even though they insist that their relationship is purely just for business and will drop it if it’s no longer beneficiary to them. The main reason why I think that way is because of the Octavinelle CM which has a scene of Azul holding a bubble in between his hands. Inside the bubble were the twins in their eel forms. The next thing that happened--the bubble popped and disappeared, along with the tweels inside it. We could see the horror on Azul’s face when it happened in that scene and slowly led to the overblot scene which says a lot about how Azul views the twins. Have a more detailed explanation regarding their relationship here! Summary, Azul will lose his shit if Jade were to disappear. Now, where is Octavinelle in all of this? Probably a mess in the corner right there with their dorm leader not in his right state of mind. In short, Octavinelle will probably crumble under the absence of Jade. The reason why Octavinelle is still functioning under Azul’s command during this whole stunt Jade is making is precisely because Azul knew that it was all an act.

"Jade’s excellence in everything he does is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders. He might be a super secretary or something to be able to answer Azul's difficult requests." - Vil's words to Rook during their little talk about letting Jade into Pomefiore. This stuck out to me because back then I didn't really give this much thought but now that I'm re-reading this, it makes me wonder how good is Jade at his job as a Vice Dorm Leader? These words coming from Vil hold a certain weight I can't describe, for him to say that his excellence is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders and to be described as a Super Secretary.

For Jade to have earned this kind of reputation despite being in the land for only two years so far is quite a feat! I would've expected less from someone else but this is Jade we're talking about so, ignoring his terrible weakness in flying, I can assume that Jade worked hard for him to have reached this kind of performance level in such a short time. To be recognized by almost all of the Dorm Leaders isn't an easy feat.

Jade as an attendant - During his first day as Vil's attendant, Vil mentioned how off-putting he is from the fact that Jade was almost too good for someone on their first day. "You managed to get on such friendly terms with the stuffy and straight-laced people of the industry in such little time; and you were also perfect when it came to helping out with the shooting. You've worked much harder than I thought you would." His words. I think this is due to the nature of Jade's silver tongue, which is being able to speak in a way that makes other people do or believe what you want them to do or believe. It seems very fitting for a character like Jade.

Because of the recent personals that got released for Jade, namely the Birthday SSR, they talked about family there and it got me thinking quite a bit as to how Jade can speak so eloquently especially now that I've read that he managed to get on the good side of people who are probably way older than he is and straight-laced, no less. He vaguely mentioned their family background when he was telling a story from his childhood and said how different people would come over to their party and offer them presents. I'm assuming that these people are possibly older than he is, judging from the fact that one of them attempted to give the twins liquor despite them being at a young age, and I thought that maybe Jade grew up used to being surrounded by adults to the point where he picks up a lot of speech patterns and habits. Which inevitably leads to what he is right now. Nothing is confirmed yet, this is a mere thought I had.

Jade's past with Azul - It's briefly mentioned here in the story. Jade mentioned how there weren't as many mer-folk as there are humans so they were all basically put in the same class together during elementary school. Azul didn't catch his interest back then, it seems. He mentioned not being able to remember the very reason why the three of them—Jade, Floyd, and Azul—ended up together currently in Night Raven College.

I am genuinely curious as to what actually made the twins interested in someone like Azul. Correct me if I'm wrong but they did mention it in Chapter 3, right? Was it the growing interest when they finally took notice of Azul using his unique magic on basically everyone who fell into his trap? Someone tell me the details if it was ever mentioned, my memory is failing me.

“Tenebres” - The shoe brand Vil wanted to get his hands on but unfortunately did not obtain, particularly, the Mirror Shoe. "Tenebres" apparently only sells their products to people who they deem worthy for designs, even the designer themselves has yet to make a public appearance as they are shrouded in mystery. Vil didn't have enough time to acquire it but, surprise! Jade Leech has somehow managed to get his perfect hands on the pair of red shoes Vil wanted so much. Frankly enough, Vil was impressed he managed to obtain something he could not—alone, no less.

This is just me pondering but this particular line made me wonder, "Heh, they did some at the cost of a bit of trouble. No matter, how about you try these on instead of dwelling on the matter?", to what lengths did he actually have to go through to obtain just a pair of shoes? Or rather, what connections does he have to be able to obtain this so easily and brush it off with a mere, "cost of a bit of trouble" when clearly Vil already expressed the difficulty in obtaining these?

Another note I have to make but not completely sure if it's relevant is his family. As I've said before, they mentioned that they deal with a lot of people due to the nature of their business and that made me wonder if the designer/owner of this certain shoe brand is one of them? Perhaps Jade was able to easily contact them because of connections his family has although Floyd's wish in the event Stars & Wishes contradicts this possibility.

In Floyd's wish, he mentioned wanting a pair of shoes and Idia immediately asked him why he couldn't just buy them. Floyd answered with a simple, "I can't usually get them." Because of the price. Which, again, contradicts my theory about the Leech family being connected to the shoe brand. Although! Vil did mention how the shoe brand only sells it to people they deem worthy. Perhaps, Floyd isn't…? No—it still wouldn't explain how easily Jade got the shoes and had the brand get Vil a job there as an ambassador. Surely, that isn't due to just any normal connections anymore. Definitely shady, I want to know more.

Jade is in control - As I've said earlier, Jade is somewhat in control despite playing the role of a servant. Prime example is when Vil told him his throat was parched, Jade immediately acted upon it fully knowing what his original intentions were. He gave Vil a drink that the Mostro Lounge was apparently serving without having Vil question it further and even went as far as to let Jade take a picture and post it—even he decided the caption for the post! With a simple flow of events just like that, Jade has managed to manipulate Vil without him knowing. He did it all while taking in the role of a servant and that in itself says a lot about how he does things

I think it's worth it to take note of the fact that Jade does not like bringing attention to himself and merely brushes it off as mere shyness of some sorts when really, all he wants to do is lay low and draw as little attention to himself. It makes his job easier that way—perhaps that's the reason why he lets Azul take the spotlight all the damn time.

Another thing to take note of is something I saw from a post in Tumblr which basically sums up the whole reason why Jade is always adopting the butler persona wherever he goes. It's because he likes to be in control that way—you'd let down your guard around him and let him serve you. You want a drink? He'll serve you a drink but-! He is in control over what you will get. That's exactly what happened in this exact scene, Vil waltzed right into the center of Jade's palms.

Vil never noticed - I'm not saying Vil is dumb, because he is most definitely not. Although through the very end, I don't know if it's just because Vil got carried away with the feeling of achievement taking over him due to recent events but he did just brush away the reason why Jade was in Pomefiore in the first place and let him go away peacefully, "So long as he doesn't bare his fangs at us." In other words, Jade managed to outsmart Vil and possibly, Rook.

This is probably one of the reasons why I am confident enough to say that Jade truly is one of the most cunning bitches in the entire game because this whole ordeal just pretty much proved it.

Aftermath - There we go! We got an explanation about how Jade managed to manipulate and use Vil for his own gains err, in this context, probably Azul's. When Jade took a picture of Vil with the drink and posted it, he did it with the intention of taking advantage of Vil's popularity and viewer reach. Jade expressed his thankfulness when he mentioned how Vil saw him as "useful" perhaps his reputation prior helped him reach his goal?

Azul praised Jade with something along the lines of "As expected of you, Jade. You're the best Night Raven's College has to offer when it comes to sneaking into another's pockets after all." Which really just backs up some of the statements I made earlier about how Jade manipulates people by letting people let their guard down around him while thinking they're the ones who have power over Jade when clearly it's not as simple as it seems. Azul mentioning that only Jade could pull off something like this just puts me off for some reason but I'll leave it be for the time being.

After that, Jade and Azul had a conversation that started with Azul asking him if he had any difficulties during his stay in Pomefiore and if he had any troubles keeping up with Vil. Jade, jokingly(?), responded that it was nothing compared to Azul's demands and orders and his time at Pomefiore was actually a vacation of some sorts for him. Which really makes me wonder what jobs does Azul usually give him if this one was somewhat of a break for Jade? A task that seemed impossible to Floyd, Jade said it was a vacation. It's a bit frightening but I guess that's his charm? Hard-working is one way to put it.

That's the end of my Dorm SSR mini-analysis, I guess! Thank you for sticking with me till the end even though a lot of these might be repetitive. I'll probably add more depending on future brainrot but for now, this is fine. Feel free to tell me what you think about this!

#twst #twisted wonderland #jade #twst jade #jade leech #twisted wonderland jade #vil schoenheight #i mean #he appears in the story #twst theory #not really a theory but eh. . ..

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dramaticviolincrescendo · 4 years

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Rewatching Shameless and i just watched 6x1 jail scene. Can I request a meta if its not too much trouble? I feel like reading a really good meta about that scene and you're one of the best we've got so.....

It’s never any trouble at all! That’s so sweet to say—thank you so much! <3 Kind of coming to terms with the idea that anyone cares about my opinion over here. You guys are too much!

This scene is actually extremely important to me because it and the response to it were what made me start writing Shameless fanfiction, specifically when I saw that my views regarding Ian’s behavior and how Mickey received it were so vastly different from what I initially read. (Insert shameless plug for “That Milkovich Reputation” here.) Now, I know you’ve told me not to do this before, but based on the controversial position in which this scene resides, I feel the need to present a couple of disclaimers for our audience at large.

I first fell in love with Shameless last March, a couple weeks before quarantine began. I didn’t know what it was prior to that and therefore was not present when Noel left the show, so I didn’t experience the disappointment of a beloved character leaving in a potentially permanent way and didn’t engage in the fandom or see how deeply upset people were by that until after I finished the series. I also don’t subscribe to the theory that there was something going on behind the scenes or any animosity between Noel and the creators, as I have not seen any relevant evidence from reliable sources to support that what happened was anything other than decisions made in pursuit of career goals on both sides. As such, my analysis of this scene has only ever taken the content and context of the story and characters into account. I have no interest in speculating on the motives of people I do not know in writing it or portraying it this way, and even if I did, this scene made perfect sense to me as it was written and performed.

I understand and appreciate that this is not a popular position to take and urge everyone to pass this post by if my position on that matter is offensive or upsetting to you. I do not mean to tell anyone what to think or believe, only to explain how I view this scene and the context in which I do so.

That said, let’s begin.

When Last Seen: Mickey

As in all things, context is important. Prior to the prison scene, the last time we saw Mickey was when Ian broke up with him and Sammi interrupted their heartfelt moment, which basically sums up her character in a nutshell. That was a rough couple of days for Mickey. He saw how devastated Ian was to hear his family talk about him as though he were just like Monica; was distressed in his own right to return for him and discover that he’d left the base with Monica; buried his frustration and sadness by sleeping around with other people, which seemed to exacerbate those emotions because those people weren’t Ian, nor had he and Ian broken up when he did it; and came running when Ian called him, only for Ian to end their relationship.

Mickey is a very sharp man—we know this. He can read people like books and manipulate or intimidate them accordingly. He knew Ian had feelings for him in s1 when he showed up on his doorstep seeking comfort rather than going to any number of other people he trusted. He was well aware that Ian loved him in s3, and that made what he felt he had no choice in doing that much more painful. He heard what Ian said and knew what he was doing in 5x12. Of that, I have never had any doubt. It wasn’t like Ian tried to hide that he didn’t want to break up but thought that that was what would be best. In fact, the way he initially framed it always made me think that one of his highest priorities was not dragging Mickey down with him, especially in the aftermath of being called “destructive” and similar to someone who “put them through hell.” That’s why Mickey’s response wasn’t to call him an asshole or get angry or beg. It was to reassure Ian that he was there for the long haul, that he loved him and wanted to take care of him no matter what that meant—and that they could make that work. All the sentiments Ian had tried to communicate before he got married, Mickey was reciprocating in his own way. Had they not needed to temporarily write Mickey out of the story and Sammi hadn’t shown up right that second, I believe that he wouldn’t have given up so easily. We do have confirmation of that being the case in the prison scene, but we’ll get to that shortly.

When Last Seen: Ian

Ian isn’t a selfish character. We know this, too. However, Ian needed to be selfish by the end of s5. What he had to come to terms with wasn’t something that anyone could fully help him with, much as Mickey desperately wanted to. To Ian, the enemy was within. It was inside him, in his brain, telling him what to do even if that destroyed himself and everything he loved. It’s terrifying. I’m not bipolar, nor do I suffer from any other diagnosed mental illnesses, but I admire and respect everyone who wakes up every morning and tackles these things. They’re heroes every single day. But by the end of s5, Ian doesn’t feel much like a hero. Instead, he feels like the villain, and he’s lost touch with who he even is anymore.

That’s not a healthy mindset to have in a relationship. Relationships require a level of give and take, and that used to be something that Ian and Mickey already struggled with. Ian gave more in s1-3 because he was able to, while Mickey had a limit on what he could openly give because of the environment in which he lived and the manner in which he was raised. In s4-5, those roles were reversed: Mickey was able to give so much more, but Ian was gradually falling apart. Neither of them are at fault for any of those situations. It is what it is, and they have a stronger relationship for it. Ian is a giver, though. He’s always been a giver. To be in a position where he doesn’t feel like he can give anything to Mickey because he doesn’t even know who he is was truly heartbreaking for him, and objectively, he needed to take a step back so that he could focus on himself. He knew it. Based on Mickey’s understanding of Ian’s reasons after watching him deny that he had a problem for so long, I think Mickey knew it too. This hurt both of them—Ian to say it and Mickey to hear it—but they’re not fools and they’re not naïve. In some ways, they know each other better than anyone.

Jimmy said that when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. Ian needed to put on his mask. His heart can’t keep beating if his lungs don’t work.

Starting Season 6: Mickey

Unsurprisingly, Mickey has settled into prison life just fine. We’ll focus on his interactions with Ian in a bit as that’s the meat of the scene, but there are major implications inherent in his discussion with Svetlana beforehand.

1. Mickey has accepted that this will be his reality for the foreseeable future. What else is he supposed to do? Besides, he’s known for a long time that the likelihood of ending up in prison was pretty high for him, as he alluded to in s2. He was a street thug. He stole from local stores, sold drugs, ran guns, operated a rub ‘n’ tug, created scam companies, and was a generally violent presence in the neighborhood for years. He was in juvie twice during the show, perhaps more beforehand. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that it would have been more surprising if Mickey didn’t get locked up at some point than that he did.

2. Ian has visited Mickey before. We won’t get too deeply into this yet, but he thanks Ian for “coming back.” The other times, he wasn’t even paid to do it. So, as far as Mickey can tell, nothing has changed. Ian is focusing on himself right now, but his love for Mickey hasn’t dulled at all. That’s an encouraging thought, and it certainly puts a smile on Mickey’s face.

3. Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, Mickey really is doing just fine in prison. He runs a business, if you will, that appears to be quite lucrative already. This isn’t surprising either. Sadly, it’s a bad move. He’s already going to be in prison for somewhere around a decade, give or take a couple of years depending on his behavior. But his behavior isn’t good. He’s hurting people for money, and if he gets caught and brought up on more charges, not only will he serve the full fifteen years, but he could get more time added onto that.

4. Ian is aware of this arrangement. He has to be if he’s been going there with Svetlana, and they weren’t exactly hiding what they were talking about. Ian has been very consistent throughout the series: he’s not as concerned with the moral implications of Mickey’s behavior, just how it could potentially impact their ability to be together. He still cares about Mickey at the start of s6, and Mickey can see it on his face when he won’t say it out loud. (More on that shortly.) Once he’s in a better spot mentally, maybe they would have gotten back together had Mickey been on the outside. I’m of the opinion that they would have based on the context of the situation. It isn’t an option, however. This is Mickey’s reality, and he’s not doing everything he can to get out earlier. If anything, he’s tempting fate on not being released at all. (This, in hindsight, sounds rather similar to the issues they’re dealing with right now in s11.)

So, this is where Mickey stands at the start of the season: a prison hitman who is quite pleased that the man he loves has come to see him again, even if the latter is visibly not in a very healthy mental state.

Starting Season 6: Ian

Ian isn’t in most of 6x01. What we do see of him is typically sad or colored by his frustration, outside Carl’s welcome home party at the end of the episode. Even then, there’s an aura of discomfort that accompanies the family’s knowledge that things have changed. Carl came out of juvie a different person—they’re all different people after s5, and they’re not sure how to handle walking on eggshells around each other.

From the very start of the episode, we see that Ian is still struggling even though he’s had enough time to at least partially adjust to his medication, especially if he’s been on and off of it. It’s so sweet how Fiona gently wakes him up—it’s also a bit different. What happened to banging on the bunk bed and yelling for them to come down for breakfast? After behaving pretty normally with Debbie at the bathroom door, she’s almost handling him with kid gloves, and the punches keep coming when she reminds him that he (1) has to get up for work at a place he despises and (2) needs to remember to take his meds.

The kitchen scene is extremely telling of where Ian is at this point, and it partially shows why he’s somewhat standoffish by the time we reach the prison scene. Most of the family is gone or different. Fiona is repeatedly on him about meds and getting to work on time—Ian, Mister Responsible himself who was out of the house before anybody woke up to get to work on time as a kid. Lip is at college. Debbie is absorbed in her unconfirmed but likely pregnancy. Carl is in juvie, and Liam is playing with the switchblade he found under Carl’s pillow before they take him to pre-K. His entire support system is either gone or treating him like he’s broken. All he has is Fiona “going Fiona” on everyone. It’s clear that this is impacting him because he actually derails the conversation to say that they should go visit Carl the following weekend, which was the position Debbie used to be in when Fiona was in jail. Just like Lip shut her down, Debbie shuts Ian down, and he doesn’t say another word as he drinks his coffee—which he can’t finish because Fiona is once again on him about work, so he trudges out the door to another day of being a busboy with no dreams instead of a soldier who has a future.

Work isn’t much better. Svetlana wants him to go see Mickey when he’s determined to stay away. (We don’t have confirmation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that he wants to distance himself if Mickey is doing something that will potentially get him into even more trouble, especially given some of his reactions at the prison.) Sean is sending Fiona to nag him about not moving fast enough when the diner isn’t even busy. When Otis is chased down by the cops and slammed against the front window, Sean rather condescendingly tells him to, “take your rag and wipe the blood and snot off the window.” Ian—West Point-aspiring, ambitious, courageous, caring, intelligent, hardworking Ian has been reduced to wiping up someone’s snot by a boss who’s living in his house with a sister that’s treating him like he’s shattered glass and a family that is growing further and further apart these days.

That is the day Ian has had before he even arrives at the prison. Odds are that that is how most of his days have gone for quite some time, minus the blood and snot. …Maybe.

The Prison Scene

Now we come to it: what you actually asked about! It’s taken this long to get here because we can’t possibly interpret this scene effectively without incorporating all of what came before it. Mickey’s position is regrettable, but he knows that Ian still loves him and is at least handling his situation with all the grace and competence that we can expect from him. Ian is a bit of a mess who’s had a bad day and is now faced with the man he loves, who he is telling himself he can’t be with, sitting behind glass—where he’ll be for a good long while.

I’m going to divide this analysis into two sections. For a scene that many prefer to forget, to me, it’s a masterpiece of storytelling.

Physicality

The body language in this scene is remarkable—phenomenally blocked, phenomenally directed, and phenomenally portrayed.

When Mickey first appears, he’s visibly chomping at the bit to get to the visitation area. He’s peering out there while he’s still behind a locked door, and he only diverts his gaze to the guard because he’s waiting for him to unlock it. He’s cool about the whole thing—he’s very cool—but he’s obviously also here for one reason and one reason only. That reason is where his eyes go the moment he sits down at his stall and spots Ian’s coat where the latter is pacing behind Svetlana. Throughout their entire conversation, we see his eyes darting to Ian as he attempts to get the business out of the way so that he can indulge purely in the pleasure. It doesn’t matter to him that Ian is visibly tired and reluctant to be there or that he plays with Yevgeny instead of actively joining their conversation. It’s Ian, and all Mickey has to look at in here is a bunch of fellow thugs he hasn’t loved since he was too young to know what that meant. Damn right, he’s going to shamelessly watch him.

In Ian’s pacing, where we can’t see his face, I find it interesting that he keeps himself angled away from the glass. We see more of his back even though he’s moving side to side rather than away. He doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want to be there. In s7, he told Mickey how hard it was to see him behind glass—that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t falsely trying to make it sound like he was suffering at their separation just as much as Mickey was. We can see that that’s the case right here in 6x01. Ian has never had a problem sitting still through difficult moments, not even when a potential court martial that would further ruin his life was on the table. But this? He can’t sit down. He can’t face that.

The first time he turns directly towards Mickey’s location is so that Svetlana can hand Yevgeny off to him, and Mickey is visibly loving the view. His expression gets a bit softer, and he ducks his head a little so that he can catch a glimpse of Ian’s face. He follows Ian with his eyes even though Svetlana tries to get his attention. What a blast from the past, right? Ian there with his son, taking care of him while he and Svetlana figure out their business? And just like before, he offers Svetlana all of the attention and input that he deems her worth—next to nothing. Ian’s over there. Ian’s keeping the kid entertained, playing with him and rocking a bit in their seat and leaning over his little shoulder to make sure he’s doing okay—but forget that, Mickey’s eyes are examining him from red hair to beat-up shoes. He only glances back to Svetlana because he has to in order to get the information for their next paycheck. Even then, he’s still back and forth, up and down.

And Ian? He can’t keep pacing. He can’t stay turned away, but he won’t look. He occupies himself more than Yevgeny because now he’s low enough that he won’t just see an orange jumpsuit—he’ll see Mickey, and he’s had a bad enough day with his family making him feel more alone than ever without adding that pain on top of it. (This is the third time Mickey’s been locked up for something directly or indirectly related to Ian. I’m sure it’s not unreasonable to suspect that he also feels somewhat guilty about that, especially when it happened right after he broke it off.)

When Mickey asks if Ian is going to sit back there the whole time and not interact with him, Svetlana turns around and presumably says something to get his attention. Their eyes meet, and Mickey gives him a look that clearly says, “What the fuck, man?” This isn’t the behavior of a man who is heartbroken at their relationship ending or questioning Ian’s love for him. This is the behavior of a man who wants the love of his life to get his shit together enough to come say hi to him—or at least look at him—because he can’t pretend that he doesn’t want to see Mickey as much as Mickey wants to see him. It’s impossible to hide that when Ian has let Mickey see so much of his heart over the years.

Ian’s response is so fascinating because he does meet Mickey’s eyes, and he holds that connection for a moment. Then, reading what Mickey is trying to tell him, he actually turns further away again so that Mickey gets his shoulder. This sets the stage for the rest of Ian’s development from now through s9. He’s doing what Ian does: he’s compartmentalizing. He’s taking the emotions he can’t deal with right now, wrapping them in tissue paper, and neatly stacking them in a box that he’ll put up in the attic where he can pretend they don’t exist. But they do. They really do.

If they didn’t, he wouldn’t have spent their entire conversation trying so hard to focus on literally anything but Mickey, because as we saw in the Hall of Shame flashbacks and as has been obvious since their first fight-turned-fuck, once they look, the battle is lost.

Dialogue

I’m going to be real with you guys: I adore this scene. I’ve watched it more times than I can count even though I haven’t rewatched much of the season in its entirety. There was so much said with so few words, and while I was sad at the end, I was also hopeful. This was an impossible position to be put in on both sides, and I truly believe that this was the best resolution they could get at the time. And yes, it hurt. It was painful. But why was it painful?

Because they’re so visibly, obviously, irrevocably in love.

Mickey’s tone when he tells Svetlana to leave because he wants to talk to Ian isn’t as harsh as it’s been for the rest of their visit. There’s such a disconnect between his words and tone: roughly telling her to scram while actually sounding a bit younger at the idea of speaking directly with Ian. Svetlana could tell. It’s so clear, and her smirk is super knowing. In that moment, we’re seeing the woman who stood in the doorway of what was supposed to be her bedroom and watched him make eyes at this unconscious boy she didn’t really even remember. Not in the tears and realizing she was in big, big trouble if he left her, but in the understanding that his heart isn’t in the body on the other side of the glass—it’s sitting behind her. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Svetlana as a person (as a character, she’s amazing), but since they reached their agreement in s4, she’s never had a derogatory thing to say about the love those two share, and I respect that. It’s actually a bit cute how she takes her time and is almost teasing in giving him what he wants. A bit.

As I have this scene running on repeat so that I don’t miss anything in writing this, I paused to type and ended up on such a meaningful glance at Ian’s face. Svetlana just took Yevgeny from him, and he hasn’t gotten up yet. He’s staring straight at Mickey, and he looks hesitant. Scared, almost. Then he looks up at Svetlana, nods a bit, and reluctantly moves into her spot.

Is it overkill to take this one exchange at a time? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Hell to the yes.

1. “Thanks for coming back.”/”Yeah… Svetlana paid me.” – I know that people hate this line and think this is painful. I know that it objectively is painful. I still laugh every time. Not because Ian agreed to come if he was paid. (He’s got medication to afford and no insurance. I can’t begrudge him wanting to make a few extra bucks any way he can.) Not because of the words, but because of what accompanies them. Ian will not look at Mickey—he’s lost so many battles lately, and he can’t lose this one too. Not when he started this one himself. He’s hemming and hawing, not looking up from the countertop and then twisting around to see if Svetlana is still there or anyone else is listening. It’s so stupid, because literally no one cares, but it gives you this sensation that Ian sees himself as being under a microscope the whole time. That’s his life anymore, at home and at work and now here. And Mickey? He doesn’t look terribly broken up about Ian accepting payment in exchange for coming. He gets this expression that I interpreted as, “Seriously? You’re playing it like that?” Then it settles into disappointment that Ian won’t open up or look at him like he normally would—that the glass interferes with the magnetic pull between them. But don’t worry, children. Uncle Mickey has just the thing to fix that: himself.

2. “You look good.”/*awkward silence* – I mean…what do you say to that? I actually felt so bad for Ian there because what must he have looked like these last visits if Mickey is telling him that he looks good now? What kind of mess was he then when he’s still sort of a mess today? And he can’t even return the sentiment because how can he? Mickey is in prison. He’s in a jumpsuit looking at being here so long that he’ll probably have a few grey hairs starting to grow in when he gets out. I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I look good on an average day, so I can only imagine how that must have felt in his position. And still, he won’t do more than glance in Mickey’s direction. Well, if that didn’t work…

3. Mickey chuckles and says he got a new tattoo. Ian’s eyes immediately shoot upwards, and Mickey slouches a little so that he’s in their direct line of sight—to hold them there, because once they look, the battle is lost. And Ian does lose. For a while there, he can’t look away again. First, because Mickey is courting some pretty nasty illnesses with his improper use of needles. Seriously, Mickey, a beautiful gesture but holy crap. Second, Mickey has his name (or a very close approximation to it) tattooed forever right over his heart. Ian had asked if Mickey was going to marry him, and Mickey told him to fuck off, but everything he’s doing points in the opposite direction. He promised sickness and health; now he’s made a permanent mark on his body for everyone to see. Mickey, who wouldn’t be seen in public with him once upon a time, has plastered Ian’s name onto his body. Ian tries so hard not to let that impact him, but it’s over. He’s lost the battle already, and he falls further and further. He’s smiling when he tells Mickey it looks infected, he teases him about the misspelling (which I think says more about how much that tattoo must have hurt than any inability to spell on Mickey’s part—I’d have a typo too), and he laughs at Mickey’s irritation that he messed it up. And it’s this sweet little laugh, not cruel or hurtful or mean. The wonderful thing about humor is that it can be used to cope with difficult emotions. We’ve seen a lot of people on the show start laughing when they’re in a bad place. Ian has been trying so hard to accept his life as it is even during the shitty day he was having. He tried so hard not to let himself fall into the trap of letting his love for Mickey rule his actions in the scene so far. That’s a lot. That’s denying himself to the point where I’m sure it hurts. And so he laughs, because Mickey did this crazy, absurd thing for him and yeah, it came out wrong, but he did it. This was all Ian wanted once upon a time (minus the felony), and now he has it—but he can’t have it. So he laughs. He immediately moves to hide it, but he laughs. He smiles more and has to bend away to pretend that he’s not—and Mickey lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. This is the moment that keeps me from seeing this scene or Ian’s actions as being cruel. They’re both hurting, and this is an awful position to be in. But Ian loves him so much, and Mickey was doing everything he could to make him show it. Not exactly how he saw that going, I’m sure, but he’ll take it.

4. “Been thinking about you.” – Knowing that he lost that one, Ian looks away again. While the end of this scene will hurt for both of them, especially Mickey, think about the pain he must be feeling in that moment simply because he’s not. He’s not hurting. For the first time that day, he feels good. This can’t last. Mickey isn’t coming home with him when time is up. This wonderful emotion that filled him up enough for him to laugh and smile after such a bad day will be gone the second he hangs up that phone. Then he’s going to go home and have Fiona breathing down his neck with nobody else for support. And Mickey will be here—behind glass. He can’t handle that, and he pulls that box out again and starts tearing off the tissue paper. He has to get rid of this feeling. He has to be the one to put it away before it kicks him to the curb. He’s stubborn, and Mickey can see him shutting down but also knows that he’s knocked enough bricks out of Ian’s walls to say something softer, something emotional and closer to the heart. Something he is willing to say where the other inmates can hear, which I don’t think is lost on Ian since he immediately looks up again. He doesn’t look away either, not even when Mickey asks if Ian thinks about him. He glances to the side and opens his mouth a bit, but nothing comes out. Mickey knows the answer.

5. “Gonna wait for me?”/��You’re here for fifteen years.” – There’s this thing Mickey does after he first says that. He chuckles, because he knows that that’s pretty unreasonable to ask and has already predicted Ian’s response. His comment about being out in eight is lighthearted, a serious matter spoken as a joke because…this isn’t juvie anymore. They’re not going to see each other in a few months. This is Mickey’s version of what Ian was just doing, only where Ian tried to withdraw and escape within himself, Mickey is making it more humorous. He’s always done that, make light of pretty serious things to avoid looking at just how messed up it is. But I didn’t get the feeling he was really asking for Ian to wait that long. Instead, I got the feeling that he was testing the waters, seeing if Ian would shut him down—which he didn’t. He offered the bullshit excuse that Mickey tried to kill a member of his family, and Mickey saw through that immediately. I think he knows that he can’t ask Ian to seriously wait and never be with anyone else for fifteen years, or even for eight. I think he knows what he’s saying is a touch absurd. He also knows that Ian’s excuse is extremely absurd, and he doesn’t buy it for a second. It gives him a little courage to do something…well, a bit absurd.

6. “Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.” – I think the important part of this isn’t that Ian says he’ll wait when he doesn’t mean it, which is the popular take. For one thing, I don’t think we can ascribe that level of calculated behavior to Ian in this instance. There are a few things about this part of the scene that mean a lot to me: (1) Ian doesn’t get up and go. He doesn’t even move in that direction. He sits there with the phone after the buzzer sounds and before Mickey tells him to lie. His mouth opens and closes like he’s not sure what to say. Because what can he say? If Mickey serves the maximum, Ian will be in his mid-thirties by the time they can be together. At that point, he was either nearing eighteen or just turned. I still can’t fathom what I’ll be doing in my mid-thirties, and I’m a whole lot older than that. Ian looks just a little terrified here, and that’s because he knows he loves Mickey but has no clue what he’s supposed to do with that in the impossible circumstances they’re operating under. (2) Ian can’t even see himself moving on yet. He’s still trying to figure himself out, not think about a relationship. He has a job he hates, and his family is a different brand of chaos these days. He feels alone, yes, but not in a way that has him openly desperate for a relationship. Based on what he says to Mandy about Caleb, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in a serious relationship at this point or even in a position for more than casual sex anytime in the near future. How can he say that he’ll wait when he doesn’t know where he’ll be whenever Mickey does get out? Maybe he’ll feel better. Maybe he’ll be out of his mind, roaming all over the place like Monica. Maybe he won’t just be standing on that bridge. It’s a huge question, one that has a lot of ramifications no matter what his answer is, and Ian clearly has none. He’s blindsided by that, which Mickey sees. That’s when he gets serious about those eight years, about how absurd their situation really is. That’s perhaps the first and only time in this scene where we can see that, for as successful as he is at navigating prison, his freedom means something to him. His freedom means he wouldn’t have to coax a glance out of Ian—he could kiss his dumb ass and make him stop being stubborn about how much he loves Mickey. But he can’t. He won’t be able to for a long time. And I think that is what really breaks his heart in this scene, not…

7. “Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I’ll wait.” – Did anyone else notice how Ian swallowed hard before he answered? How his voice gets hoarse when he first speaks? I paused again to type, and the video is sitting on his face staring at the counter before the second part of what he says. He looks like he might cry. He looks like his heart is breaking just as much as Mickey’s is, because he can do what he’s asking this time—reassure him with a lie. Not because he doesn’t intend to wait, but because he is buried so far under what life has piled on top of him that he can’t see the light these days, and he doesn’t see waiting or moving on. He just sees the daily struggle of being this shell of a person. Of being without Mickey even if they’re not technically together. (Admittedly, I think he knew they would be if Mickey weren’t in prison at that moment. Ian has no real self-control where he’s concerned. Lip told him as much, and he’s self-aware enough to realize it, hence his behavior in this whole scene.)

When Ian hangs up the phone, he doesn’t get up immediately. He looks at Mickey—really looks at him—and each of them watches the other’s heart shatter. I don’t see it the way a lot of people do, though. On Mickey’s side, I don’t see it as being because Ian lied. I think it’s so much bigger than that.

Ian looks at him when they can’t hear each other anymore, and if he didn’t seem ready to cry before, he looks it now. Why? Because there’s nothing he can do for Mickey besides that. Ian, ever the giver, can’t give him anything. At that point, he couldn’t even help himself. He can’t be what Mickey needs in that moment, just like he couldn’t be what Mickey needed while he was sick, and it kills him. It kills him to know that by the time Mickey does get out, he’ll be older than he can fathom being and has no idea if he’ll even be around that long. It kills him to feel like even if he is, he’ll still have nothing to offer because, in his own words, this is where he lands. And it kills him to have to walk away and leave what he loves most behind glass.

Mickey is watching this. He knows Ian, and as painful as it was to get exactly what he asked for, it’s even more painful for him to see what him being here does to Ian. Where Ian is a giver, Mickey is a fixer. He makes things better. When stuff is broken, he puts it back together. When there’s a problem, he resolves it. Ian was going to leave because he couldn’t be an unacknowledged number three in Mickey’s life anymore? He jumped to solve the problem by coming out. Ian was acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed for so long that Mickey realized something was wrong? He immediately went to hunt down Lip, who he knows is closer to Ian than anyone else in his family. Fiona tells him that Ian is sick and needs to be cared for? He jumps in to do it, even to the point where it did more harm than good. Sammi caused a problem that Mickey couldn’t solve? He fixed the problem of her being there at all. But here he sits, behind glass, watching Ian that whole time and knowing that he was trying to maintain some emotional distance—and, because it’s Mickey, knowing why. There’s nothing he can do about this. He can’t fix it. For the first time since s3, Mickey is absolutely helpless to fix a problem. He takes a breath as Ian walks away as though he’s about to say something, but what can he say? What can he do? Nothing. He can do nothing but hang up the phone and weather the storm.

In the end, the heartbreak in this scene isn’t about them hurting each other, from my perspective. It’s not about Ian being callous and cruel or purposely trying to hurt Mickey. They know each other too well for that. They’ve been through too much. To me, this is about two people who love each other more than anything not being able to be what the other needed when they needed them—and that’s a whole lot more painful.

#shameless meta #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich

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