#my ego is massive

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

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[dragonanon]

Shameless Satan x Reader headcanons because I am a whore- 😩

- As much as everyone would probably assume he’s into “meek wittle UwU princesses” he can dominate with ease, Satan in fact prefers a little spitfire who won’t hesitate to fight back

- You won’t just lay down and take his BS, and it’s part of what drew him to you to begin with. He was probably raging about some stupid shit in the courtroom, and you (probably a desk clerk or something there at the time) got sick of it and yelled back at him “Oh stfu you big red fucker!” And he was so taken aback that someone had the balls to yell back at him that he was left speechless and mildly aroused

- Calls you things like “little flame”, “spitfire”, “dove”, and his “treasure”

- Knows that the sheer size difference between you two flusters you to no end, and he’s a goddamn menace about it. Making short jokes, holding things out of reach, and randomly picking you up just so he can hear you squeak in surprise. Getting cursed out by you is worth it so long as he gets to see that precious look on your face

- Aside from Yogirt, you’re really the only one who can get Satan to calm down when he’s angry and you have a much easier time doing so than Yogirt does. All you have to do is scratch his chin and croon at him, and the big bastard just melts into your touch

- Purrs SO GODDAMN LOUD but insists that he doesn’t. The lying bastard, he sounds like a tractor engine on steroids. He gets SUPER pissy if anyone besides you comments on it

- SO fucking full of himself, mans REALLY thinks he’s above Lucifer and deserves to be regarded as such smh. Your love and affection only further strokes his overinflated ego, as does any compliments and praise you give him. Mf actually grows BIGGER in multiple ways lol the more his ego is stroked

- This man is a cowboy/rancher and I will take NO criticism because I’m right. He’s got THOUSANDS of cows, and lots of horses too

- When he’s not in the courtroom, he’s working on his ranch. Probably has hundreds, if not thousands, of Demons he employs as farm hands to help with all the work, but there are some things only he can do and TBH he likes the physical activity of the work and it’s a free show for you lol

- He gave you a little chicken coop so you can keep a little flock of chickens. You LOVE your chickens, and your personal fav is a tiny rooster you named “Marshmallow”, and he looks like a more demonic version of this lol

- Says he’s not jealous of Marshmallow, but he TOTALLY is. He gets all pouty and grumbly when you pick up the tiny rooster and coo over him, because dammit you should be cuddling and cooing over HIM! Not that stupid bird!

- Has a big, fancy, mansion on his ranch that he lives in with you. In true dragon fashion, he unironically sleeps on a mountain of gold and other treasures lol. How he doesn’t have back pain is a mystery, but you get to sleep on his tiddies so you have no complaints lol

- Runs SO fucking hot! You’ll never need to pay for heating again, let alone HAVE an actual heating system, because this mf puts out heat like an industrial incinerator. It’s FANTASTIC during the winter because he’s so warm you can just cozy up to him and be in bliss, but in the summer it’s fucking agony and you can’t escape it because he gets upsetti spaghetti if you don’t sleep and cuddle with him

- Would prefer you to NOT be in the courtroom with him. He says it’s because you distract him, but in reality it’s because he doesn’t want you to have to see him explode with rage and live up to his title as the embodiment of wrath. He actually tries REALLY hard to keep that part of himself away from you, because even though he’ll die before ever admitting it, a TINY part of him is terrified that he’ll end up hurting you during one of his outbursts

- If for some reason you HAVE to be there, he has a special little balcony set up for you that’s not only a safe distance away from any potential danger, but ALSO has a magic force field protecting it (that part is a secret tho because if you knew about it, you’d yell at him for thinking you’re weak enough to need protection lmfao)

- If anyone so much as blinks at you wrong, he beats the shit out of them. The ONLY reason he doesn’t kill them is because he knows you’ll yell at him like “Dammit Satan, again?! I can’t go anywhere with you!”

- Yogirt 100% uses his love for you to get him to chill. “I know you’re feeling some pretty big feelings right now, but think of (Y/N)~ She loves you and would be so sad to see you this angry~”

- It’s funny because he and Satan both know damn well that you wouldn’t be sad, rather you’d be yelling at him to knock that shit off lmao

- The entire courtroom once got to hear you sit him the fuck down because he got a little TOO spicy in the courtroom one day, and didn’t believe Yogirt he he not-so-subtly threatened to call you. Sure enough, he pulled out his phone and called you on speaker phone, and everyone got to spend 30 minutes listening to you rip this mf a new one while the mighty king of wrath sat there like a sad puppy and occasionally mumbling something like “I know…I’m sorry treasure, I’ll do better.” (No one is allowed to comment on it or else he’ll get VERY angry about it. Plenty of memes have been made about it tho much to his chagrin)

[thoselittleboats]

BG3 text - Raphael (9/?)

[allastoredeer]

THAT MOMENT YOU REALIZE ALASTOR IS ACTUALLY WAY SCARIER THAN WE GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR

So, in the throes of doing world-building for my Hazbin fics and analyzing characters and how they fit into Pentagram's political system, I realized not only how powerful Alastor actually is, but how fucking scary.

Now, yes, in the grand scheme of things, Alastor is far from the most powerful person in Hell. Far from it. The Royal Family (Lucifer, Lilith, and Charlie), and the Goetia are way above the Overlords. Our twinky, angsty, galaxy bird, Stolas, could 100% body Alastor. I'm sorry, Al. I love you, babe. But in terms of the hierarchal system, you and the other Overlords aren't influential to the rest of Hell, at all.

But, it's an entirely different story if we stick exclusively to the Pride Ring.

I'm not trying to do a big, essay-length analysis, that's a lot of work and I'm tired, so I'll try to make it as brief as possible.

We know three crucial things: 1) sinners aren't allowed to leave the Pride Ring, 2) they've built a semi-functional society for themselves that is exclusive to their specific ring (with a political system that they've molded just for them), and 3) sinners can't kill other sinners.

So, what we have here is a big piece of land stuffed with people who can't leave it, in a society they've built specifically for themselves, with an amassing population that is constantly growing because they have no way of dying/or killing each other. (Honestly, it's like Heaven was setting them up for an Exterminations - THOUGH I'VE ACTUALLY COME UP WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, COMPLETELY FANON BASED THEORY/WORLD BUILDING IDEA ABOUT HOW HELL HAD KEPT THE POPULATION DENSISTY CONTROLLED FOR THE MILLENIA OF COLLECTING HUMAN SOULS, HOW THE POPLUATION STILL GOT TOO LARGE AND THUS RESULTED IN THE EXTERMINATIONS, AND HOW IT WAS ROSIE WHO HAD A HUGE HAND IN IT ALL.

Anyway, back on topic, so the Overlords essentially control this Ring. We know Stolas lives in the Pride Ring (judging by the red sky we see when he's at his house), so its possible more Goetia live there too (and imps, and succubi; the Pride Ring is known for being the most diverse of the Rings), but we haven't seen any evidence of the Goetia, or any of the other Hellborn, interact or influencE Pentragram City in a political way--outside of the Goetia being above the Overlords in the hierarchal system). I headcanon that they do have some involvement in Pentagram City, as they do live there, but for the most part, the Pride Ring is left completely to the sinners and how they run things.

Lillith got involved, obviously (but she's been missing for years in the beginning of the show), Lucifer hasn't been involved for who knows how long, and Charlie obviously doesn't have a lot of sway, nor did she have any previous influence given how she's treated by the very people she rules over. Her status is known, but there's no actual respect for her or her title as the literal Princess of Hell.

The royal family may the the strongest beings in all of the 7 Rings, but outside of Lillith, it seems they had very little involvement (in Charlie's case) or interest (in Lucifer's case) in ingratiating themselves into Pentagram City.

The entire Ring is being run by the Overlords. They cannot leave it. The Pride Ring is their domain. This is their new home. This is their world.

And in this world, the Overlords are the top dogs.

So, Alastor is powerful just in the sense that he is one of the Overlords. Like them, he is essentially one of the rulers of their personal, caged-off little world. He has power and political sway. He joined the other Overlords for Carmilla's meeting, where they were going to discuss the aftermath of the Extermination and what they can do about the loss in the population (and thus, their power, given that owning souls is how they get it).

It's implied that this isn't the first time they've had meetings like this, and if they get together to discuss the best ways to recover from the Exterminations and make up for their mutual losses (literally working together when they could've all just been rivals trying to undermine the others to get more souls), who knows what else they've discussed in their efforts to keep Pentagram City running (especially considering that the best way to maintain their power IS by maintaining the city, it's people, and keeping it from falling apart at the seams. Taking care of the city is in their best interests - I use "taking care of" very, very loosely, considering this is still Hell and it's hardly the gold standard of utopia's). They're essentially a Board of Leadership with mutually shared power.

The Overlords have all the power. All the sway. In their established world, THEY are at the top of the food chain.

BUT then, you take into account that sinners can't kill each other (a rule that extends even to the Overlords), and that's when things get interesting.

In episode 4, "Masquerade" Valentino told Angel that he's "killed people for less" during the scene in the dressing room. But, in episode 2, after Valentino had torn apart one of Velvette's models, she wasn't upset in the way an Overlord would be if they lost someone under contract, especially considering that owning souls is what gives them power (and I assume that they own the souls of most, if not all, of the people they employ). She said that she can't sit and wait for "that bitch to pull herself back together," so, yeah, the implication is that sinners can literally be torn apart (even by the Overlords, who are the strongest among them) but won't die is immense. No matter what you do, a sinner will reform, or heal, or whatever, but they will come back.

So, consider, that there is only one person who's been able to kill sinners, permanently, and that person is Alastor.

Not only that, he killed Overlords.

In a realm where death is impossible, Alastor had cheated the system. And as far as we know, he's the only one who's been able to do it.

The only person I can think of who has something similar is Carmilla, but that's because she'd integrated angelic steel into her apparel. (Though, there's something to be said about her selling angelic weapons to the masses, as she is a manufacturer and distributor of them not only in Pentagram city, but all of the 7 Rings, (as Stryker had gotten his hands on a "Carmine blessing tipped rifle" to kill off Stolas, who's a Goetia), thus, sinners killing other sinners can still be possible, but that's only if they get you're hands on a weapon with angelic steel, or they're wealthy enough to buy onr, and I imagine Carmilla doesn't sell those cheap.

But Alastor didn't use angelic steel. He found a way to tear souls apart, where otherwise they were only able to be owned. Considering how terrified Husk (who is one of the most calm and collected people in the Hazbin crew; who had once been an Overlord, himself) was when AIastor threatened to do they same to him, like, that goes to show just how serious it is. He was literally full-body shaking. Ears-pinned back. Flight-fight-or freeze. Pressing himself down into the carpet.

We've never seen him like that at any other time during the show, even during the Extermination when they were all about to die.

Alastor's threat had scared him more than literally getting killed my an army of Exorcist's.

And like, yeah???? I get it????

That shit has to be terrifying. Not only for those that Alastor threatens, but for every single sinner in Pentagram City.

This random guy cheated the system, killed without any outside means, and if he can topple Overlords (the strongest and most powerful of them) almost over night, there's no saying what he can do to regular sinners. (Or what they think he can do, I have more thoughts surrounding whether Alastor would be able to tear apart a soul that is owned by someone else, but this is already getting long).

And, presumably, the only reason he stopped is because he decided to.

Like???? Do you guys understand what I'm saying???? For someone to have that kind of power??? In a system where that power SHOULD NOT be possible??? A power that gives him this massive advantage over everyone else???? That no one else can do???? And the only reason he doesn't use it is because he decides not to????

It's no wonder Alastor was so feared. Why he still is feared (by those who know of him at least LOL he has been gone for 7 years). And, like, yeah we see him be all creepy and scary during the show. We see him use his magic and grow into his demon form, and he is intimidating in that right, but I think the true horror of his character comes from this ability to kill the unkillable in a system where it never should've been possible in the first place.

That's where the true terror of the Radio Demon lies. That's where the visceral fear comes from. And it's why he's someone you wouldn't want to mess with, even for the other Overlords (especially for the other Overlords).

Like, it makes sense why he has such a massive ego. Why he thinks he can take on anyone. It's because he has. He's powerful, even by Overlord standards, and he knows it. And it makes further sense why him now being on a leash is making him unravel at the seams.

Am I making sense??? Is this all just meaningless rambling to you guys??? Idk! Idk. It's just been tumbling through my head, and it made me realize just how scary Alastor is, especially from an outside perspective.

I have SO many headcanons T.T I've done so much world-building, and I am have so much fucking fun. I feel like a kid in a sandbox. My brain hasn't stopped buzzing since this show came out.

Anyway, I'm off to outline more wips and work on the fics I'm writing. Happy Hazbin-ing to the rest of you.

[bonefall]

There's speculation that Floatshimmer's kits are Graysky's, since one of the kits are silver like him, you know, the dude that was made a warrior when she was a kit.

To be fair, Graysky is ridiculously young as well. He might have been described as being ready to be a warrior at the start of ASC, but he was born in Lost Stars and is only a little over a year old at the end of the last arc.

EVERYONE got hit with the Time Travel Beam... in fact. Funfact: RiverClan actually has always had a weird issue with their allegiance cats aging really fast.

Anyway, digressing. If it does pan out to have Graysky as the father...

Eventually I like the idea of Floatshimmer and Graysky being a couple (their names make me think of bright sunshine on a cloudy day, making the waves of the lake twinkle with light), but absolutely not while they're so young. Both of them need at least another year or so.

(At the earliest, have their kits mid-arc, ideally later.)

That said, I'm still willing to shuffle them both a bit to be closer in age. I'm growing interested in the idea that they're like, the cat equivalent of 18 and 19-ish. Young, dumb, impulsive, ended up with kittens looong before they were ready and it's impacting their relationship negatively.

Still deciding, though.

[g1deonthefirst]

i mean the tlt fandom is constantly doing the push and pull between "john is an evil mastermind" and "john is just a normal guy with normal flaws" and i think the truth is somewhere in between. john is a fascist who's destroyed countless planets and murdered countless people, but he's a complex three-dimensional fascist because tazmuir writes complex characters and because real-life fascists are complex and three-dimensional human beings. and i do think it's important when analyzing his character not to lose sight of the fact that john is a complex person who isn't at all omniscient, but it's equally important to remember that he did choose to nuke the earth and become the god of a fascist space empire and conquer planets. he didnt just stumble his way into it!

[permanentlylatetotheparty]

this fucking guy

[satans-knitwear]

Sabine and I are officially a hit with the elderly ladies in town ✨

[mmelolabelle]

“They’ve ruined Aemond! He would never do–“

Please I beg, just let this man be evil. Allow someone in this show to straight-up commit to disgusting all-out villainy. PLEASE. I can’t take any more back and forth. I can’t handle any more poorly executed “theY’RE morally gREY ACTUALLY” character arcs for Targaryens in which none of the writers involved can agree on what morally grey actually means.

That one-eyed, misogynistic, entitled, kinslaying mass-murderer with a superiority complex is my safe space. Aemond is terrible and unlike everyone else can be relied upon to show up when he’s supposed to and do terrible things to anyone unfortunate enough to share the screen with him. Let him get on with it for the love of god.

[batsplat]

Valencia 2013: Marc Marquez is asked about his best victory that year as well as about Valentino Rossi's season

[egg-emperor]

it's sweet that people make those posts that are like "your f/o cares about you and thinks you're the most important person in the world and would do anything and give the world for you" but I can't relate to them at all

like no Eggman doesn't gaf and he's his favorite person and biggest love forever and wants to own the world and rule it by himself. I'm just some guy with no significance besides setting an example of how loyal members of the empire should be, who he might let hit just because it's good for his ego and it serves his needs. but I'm genuinely a simp so I don't mind and specifically into and want that as a dynamic in fact lol

[harley-rose25]

Erehisu something reddit idk words

According to brilliant minds over on the attackonretard subreddit Eren being completely unwilling to sacrifice Historia to prevent activating a full scale rumbling does not indicate Erehisu.

Well if sure seems to indicates some big feeling Eren has towards Historia considering he was willing to put all his other friends and comrades in direct danger and take actions he knew would lead to some of them dieing and had no guarantee of anyone else's survival.

Also it's funny that Erehisu antis will be like "Eren being willing to the commit global genocide so they don't have to sacrifice Historia and her kids future doesn't mean he has any feeling for Historia" but will also be like "omg see Eren and Mikasa blushed in each other general direction; they're so in love!"

[frances-kafka]

I want you all to understand that among the biggest reasons I have such big issues about having fallen down the class ladder is that I am completely isolated in my ethnic community now that we are all fracturing along the lines of Prison Race Gangs and that because I fell down the class ladder, I didn't reproduce and thus I struggle with feeling complicit in genocide/in the actual extinction of my family. On both sides of my family actually. Though it actually is much worse on my mom's in some respects because I Am The Last One Standing. My dad's work, instead of him leaving it to me, he can just leave it to the tribe and we've talked about that. My mom's intense genealogy work though, there isn't anyone who gives a shit about that. She's tried to interest other people in it. Most of the immediate extended family became Christian and don't seem interested in inheriting the family guilt trips. Though some of the ones that got taken by CPS sometimes want to know about the family genetic legacy and why we're all autistic. Occasionally my mom finds a 4th cousin on another continent or something who's interested in her immense autistic historian passion project of being the family memory keeper. You didn't ask to hear about that.

You're welcome. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving. Want some of mine?

[wrestling-fiend]

@cm-punks-bbl I HAVE 3 KUDOS ON THE FIC ALREADY

[avianautopsy]

OC stuff I cba fixing/cleaning this up further

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

I’m an artist now and I realised that means I can share with you my like decade old AU ideas.

Anyway, this is Nova the very real, organic, not at all robotic Hedgehog. He is very definitely not Neo Metal Sonic in disguise as a normal hedgehog to try and trick Sonic into a false sense of security while he steals the data of all his friends and then takes over the world he is just a scared teenager who was kidnapped for Reasons by Eggman and definitely did not stage her appearance. He is very normal and knows what gender is.

Jokes aside, the idea for this AU was a sort of alternate-Heroes, where Neo Metal Sonic didn’t act like a dramatic bitch and, well, y’know, instigate the whole plot of Heroes but instead used his shapeshifting ability to disguise himself as a normal non-metal non-Sonic hedgehog and infiltrate them from the inside while stealing their DNA without anyone being any the wiser by staging a situation Sonic would have to “save” him from. Admittedly very badly he cannot resist pointless cruelty and violence but it still definitely left an impression.

Sonic is very fucking confused as to why this weird hedgehog is alternating between gleeful violence and paralysing fear along with snarky banter to weirdly stiff attempts at normal friendly interaction but like, he's made friends in weirder situations and this Nova fellow(?) seems kinda sad and lonely and looks like he’s about to cry whenever he recieves the slightest kindness so how dangerous can he really be? (Very.)