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dreaminpeaches · 3 years

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“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbies...HER--I mean Him? Or them?-- whatever, anyways here's the first part of my daydream paracosm, Humble Pie. I was really happy I was able to come up with the first part in a somewhat cohort manner. Part 2 is also going to follow this sometime soon, but after that its probably just gonna be short shorts, text exchanges, and or drabbles, but that first part’s finally a thing! And that’s cool”

“Also just reminder that this paracosm is set in a mix timeline, like people have flip phones, cassette tapes, but still also have stuff like gamer chairs, and slang like sus/lit exist, so I hope that doesn’t bother you..oof”

“Also I wrote this from my Remarkable, then convert it to text, and did some proof reading, but my handwriting is still can only be read by chickens and my dyslexia ninja has sneak 100 accuracy so..yeah

Word count: 6,115

TW: mention of Bullying, DeadBeat dad, Smoking, Drinking, Swearing (only for comedy’s sake tho’), Dissociation, Guilt (but don’t worry there’s still A LOT of fluff in this piece, tho)

Link to Alternate version on my off-site daydream blog: Humble pie part 1

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"Okay, here we go" Beau said, taking one last drag of his cigarette, and taking in one last look at the panoramic view of the town below, Newbury, his hometown, he was away for a year because of college which he dropped out of. Well, "dropout" made it seemed like he had a choice, more like he flunked out, there were' 'reasons that 'made college impossible for Beau, reasons that he couldn't get into or more like reasons he didn't want to get into, these were the some reasons that turned what was suppose to be a 5 hour drive into an 8 hour one, making him stop ever so often to the nearest park, overlook, or clearing to get out, smoke and or take a short walk. These stops were so frequent by the time he reached his hometown’s overlook he was on his last stick, hard to believe he started the trip w/ a full box.

He dropped the last of the remains of the cig on the ground and stomped out the glow ember with his dark brown rounded toed boot, watching the embers glow go out made him feel similar in a way.

Beau took one more last look at the small town below blanketed by the dark, light sky. He looked around. the overlook, bring back memories of. late night make outs, sneak outs and general teenaged shenanigans.

Beau remembers once on a night he was really buzzed, a rare event for him, drinking with his buddies, rather it was the buzz from the beer, or he was just 'riding the 'high off scoring the winning goal for the team, or general teen hormones. He felt invincible, so invincible he stood up on the ledge and proclaimed himself as king of the world

A moment Beau looks back at and shakes his head as if to try to erase the memory from his mind like an etch n’ sketch, suddenly he got a bad taste in his mouth or maybe that's just the cigarettes "King of world….yeah, right" Beau said pulling up the collar of his jacket and shrugging his hands into his pockets, and headed back into the car.

It was getting late and there was no use in stalling any longer, might as well continue to the inevitable. Stalling may be that’s the feeling that's been following him the whole time, stalling the fact that he would have to return to his hometown a failure after being touted and praised for being a star athlete , and getting into a ivy league school, a feat his mom was really proud since she herself couldn't go to college because of having Beau at such a young age, and having to deal with a bunch of other “BS” as Beau would put it.

Beau really wanted to make her proud by becoming a famous football player and make tons of money so she wouldn't ever have to worry about bills n 'stuff and live in the malibu dream house she dreamed of living in since she was a kid, a dream she would talk about to her children like it was fairytale during when time got real tough.Even though she sounded upbeat over the phone about the news, Beau knew his mom was an expert when it came to masking her disappointment and skill that was pretty integral with dealing Beau's birth father. He just hopes she's not too disappointed

As the twilight sky grew more dark the street lights flickered on. Familiar and nostalgic landmarks and structures rolled by as Beau drove by with one hand gripping the wheel while the other hand hung casually out of the rolled down window. the nighttime breeze gentle, tossing his cart dirty blond hair mullet. The 'murmur of punk music lighty playing from the car's speaker, that was playing louder earlier but the volume's quickly depleted because blasting punk 'music at night in a small town is pretty serious offensive a risk, a younger Beau would play around with, but now being older he knows better.

Driving into his old neighborhood, seemingly not much has changed, but what do you expect from a small town? The old neighborhood consisted of typical signatures of most middle upper class .. neighborhoods, Christmas ' decorations long over due to be taken down, manicured lawns, next to slightly less manicured lawns. Some lawns adored w/ gnomes and flamingos, a step up from the lawns of homes in his childhood neighborhood whose homes had what one could consider a lawn but just barely, Beau and his brother were lucky enough to have a sizable back yard and a tree house.

His family's lawn had a bunch of outdoor toys laid about on their lawn: a nerf gun, a pink tricycle, a tiled dyed color bouncy ball and an empty container of mega bubble wand. Beau drove up in the driveway being careful to not accidentally run over any of the toys in the yard.

He eject the mixtape from the player and put it into his jacket chest pocket. Beau leaned over and rummaged through the glove compartment fishing out a small travel can of axe's body spray and another small spray can of mouthwash, he used both to cover the scent of cigarette smoke, a smell his mother was highly sensitive to. He popped in a stick of spearmint for extra measure before getting out of the car and going to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. Beau only had one suitcase since all the stuff really needed and cared about conveniently fitted in one suitcase.

Beau propped up his suitcase as he closed the trunk, the car beeped and blinked as he pressed the lock button. He headed up the pathway to the front door, his heart beating louder and louder with each step leading up to the front door.

Beau took a deep breath, Pulling himself together. "Okay" He said under his breath as his hand slowly reach for the knob but before he could even get a good grip, the door swung open, Beau's eyes raced up to see the thinning hair of a middle aged man, Beau eyes lowered a bit more to see the mustached clad face of the man the hair belonged to. "Hey, Big Boss! '' the mustache man said with a grin. The man was Beau's stepfather, David.

"Hello, David, I-I mean Dad." Beau awkwardly greeted his stepdad, trying his best not to show discomfort at his step dad's “nickname" for him.

"Ha, ha that's okay, son!”David laughed, giving Beau a hefty pat on the back.

"Here, let me get your bags." David said, reaching for Beau's suitcase, looking behind Beau expecting more bags

“You only brought one bag?" he questioned, looking curiously.

'--I like to be efficient" Beau muttered with a shrug and a side glance. "HAHA you and me both, Big B" David chuckled playful elbowing Beau, who gave a half-smile and a small chuckle--well, more like a slight nose huff

"Hey, honey Big B is home!" David shouted as Beau closed the front door.

His mother came rushing from the bedroom in her rose pink robe w/a barbie in insignia on the front with matching fuzzy slippers, her sandy blond hair still damp from the shower.

"My little boy, oh!" she said, warping Beau in a tight motherly embrace. "Welcome home!" Beau's mother pulled back for a second, cupping her son's face in her hands “you’re still so handsome"

"Wait..." Beau gently removed his mom's hands from his face "Are you okay, mom?" He asked his considerate brown eyes searching his mother's teal eyes for any sign of distress.

"Of course, sweetie," his mom beamed. "I have all of my loved ones under one roof. What's more to ask?"

it's just that I didn't- Y-you know." Beau said with downcast eyes

"Oh, that" his mom said wide eyes and then shaking her head in dismissed

"Don't worry about not finishing college, I mean just look at me"

“But You just seemed so proud that I got in, I just didn't want to let you down"

“Sweetie, it's fine," his mom said, gently guiding his head up with her hand to look at him "I was not proud that-You were becoming the smart, sweet kind young man, I always knew you were, but now. I'm just happy that you’re here and I get to see you go. on the journey myself!" Beau chuckled tightly and blushed at his mom's admiration.

"Plus, Your mom's not the only one who is happy to have You home!” David said, gesturing towards the hallway. Beau looked to see a small figure peeking from the corner, the figure quickly disappeared followed by an overflow of giggles.

A smile slowly creeped across Beau's face, he slowly kneeled down. " "Gasp * Is that my little care bear?"

From the shadows totted out, a little girl dressed in a blue care bear patterned nightgown, her blonde hair tied up in pigtails, she grasped a love-a-lot bear in one arm while her other arm was open as she raced towards Beau, also with arms wide open for a hug "Bo-Bo"

"Hey, care bear!" Beau cooed as he picked up his little sister "Wow, You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!

"Carrie's been asking when you were coming since you told us you were coming home "David stated

"Really?"

"Yep!'' Carrie nodded proudly "You still have the love-a lot bear I won at grad night". Beau vividly remembers winning Love A Lot and his friends making fun of him, but Carrie really appreciated it more than he thought.

"Yeah, she takes it with her everywhere!" mom emphasized “Thank god, the kindergarten has a security blanket policy!

"Aww..." Beau said fondly looking at Carrie, who had her head resting on his shoulder, still grasping love a lot.

Beau thought for a moment and looked around "wait, where Dev?"

"Oh" mom said putting her hand on her head with a semi sigh "He's been going through... things"

"Teenager things: David specified "He's the big one three now.. "

“Don't worry, I can talk to him!”Beau said, confidently, slowly nodding his head

. Carrie lets out a small yawn "Aw, you sleepy, care bear?" Beau asked as Carrie rubbed her eyes

"It's past her bedtime, but she really wanted to see you," Mom said, stroking Carrie's hair. "Is someone ready for the sleep shuttle'?" Beau asked Carrie, looking at her in her sleepy hazel eyes, she nodded in response

"Alright, Here we go!" Beau held Carrie in both hands placing his arms out in front of him, he kneeled down and started counting down. "3…..2...1. Blast off!"

Beau shot Carrie in the as he stood back up. As he moved towards Carrie's bedroom, he moved all around side to side, up and down while making spaceship sounds, Carrie was giggling all the way through.

"Incoming! "Beau shouted as he swooshed Carrie round a few more times before landing her swiftly on the bed.

"Huston, the eagle. has landed!." Beau said, holding his ear as if he had an earpiece "Not eagle! Bear!" Carrie stated holding up her care bear "correction, the "BEAR" has landed!" Beau correcting himself, bringing a huge smile to her face as she nuzzled her care bear

"Okay, night, right, care bear" Beau said patting carries head

"Wait!" Carrie said holding on to her brother's arm "Is Bo-Bo still gonna be here in the Morning?""Of course, I'm not going anywhere at least for a while.." "Beau said, kneeling down to Carrie's eye level.

"Okay, I like having Bo-Bo around:'' Carrie said "and I like being around" Beau said, "see you in the morning, care bear" Beau gives Carrie a good night kiss on the forehead.

She settles into bed as Beau closes the door. Beau grinned to himself, feeling lucky to have such a cute sister. He remembers when Devin was that little, speaking of Dev. Beau apphoraced Dev's bedroom door. The door was caution tape, Don't enter signs, with a please knock before entering sign.

At first Beau did think about knocking but then thought "I could be a respectful older brother respect the sign or I could have fun and be a little shit. He pondered about it for a minute then-"yeah, I'm gonna be a little shit.”

Beau took a card out his wallet and wedged it in between the door to jimmied the lock. He peeked through the door to see Dev playing a video game on the tv. "you little..." Beau said under his breath, before bombastically opening the door "Hey there, squirt!" Beau said, shoving the door open

"Didn't you read the sign?!" Dev said as he turned around in his gamer chair in both shock-and annoyance

"Wow, that's a pretty warm welcome to give your older brother you haven't seen in a year!" Beau snarked, pretending to look hurt'' "Nice to see you too!"

"Oh my god!" Dev said, rolling his eyes and turning his chair back to tv, bringing his attention back to the game.

"and here I thought you were working on a project or homework or some school shit!" Beau continued "but no, you're just sitting here playing one of your little nerd games"

"Oh my god, can't you just leave!" Dev groaned as he hunching closer to the tv.

"You couldn't at least say "Hi" " Beau said now standing right behind Dev gamer chair

Dev raised and waved his hand half-heartedly and flatly said "hi"

"Well, damn I feel loved," Beau said sarcastically. "aren't you at least gonna look at me?" shaking the gaming chair a bit to gain an ounce of his little brother’s attention.

“ I saw you "Kool aid man" into my room. Is that enough?" Dev said still focusing on the game Beau sighed, then got an idea "Dev! Dev! I think there's something wrong with my heart I think I gonna-ugh!" He said staggering forward a bit before falling in Dev's lap, knocking out the game controller out of Dev's hands.

"Come on! I was in the middle of battle!" Dev whined looking at his brother playing dead

"Get off of me!" Dev go armed as he tried to push beau off with no luck

"Come on, Beau!" He gored in frustration “I know you're not dead! I can still feel your heartbeat..."

Get up!" Beau remained still, Dev rolled his eyes; he knew the exact words to get his brother off his back or in this case lap.

"Big brother, can you please get off of me n Dev utter begrudgingly "Aw, you haven't call me ‘Big brother’ in years" Beau chimed with a smile, finally getting up "I'm still kind of hurt, that you cared about your gaming progress than the well being for your one and only big brother"

"You were still breathing, I could literally see you inhaling and exhaling." Dev clarified rubbing his forehead

"Touche, I guess" Beau said he then directed Dev's chair in front his bed," now that I have your attention"

"Okay, I guess I should say sorry since you couldn't and say "hi" to me because you were too busy saving some elf princess, or some anime chick with huge melons"

"I-H-Hey I don't even play those types of games!" Dev argued blushing

" .-sure you "don't'." Beau taunted with a wink, Dev goanned "Anyways, Anyways you don't have to say "hi",; but you could at least not talk to me"

Beau suggested, shrugging. "I guess" Dev mumbled kind of sinking into his chair "cool, so how's life?" Beau started, trying to start a diagoul "okay"

"How's school?"

"Okay"

"How’re your friends?"

"Okay"

"Got a girlfriend?"'

"NO”

"Got a boyfriend?"

N-NO"

"Got any crushes"

“….NO…..."

"joined any clubs or any other after school junk?"

" ..... NO..."

"Are you just gonna answer all my questions in one word?"

Dev fell quiet, and shifted his gaze from his brother

“Okay, that's it!" Beau huffed, he picked up Dev and hoasted him over his shoulder "Hey! put me down!" Dev-shouted , beating his fists on Beau's back "Not until you talk to me like an actual person, and one worded answers aren't gonna cut it, squirt!"

"MOM! Dad!"

"Mom and Dav-Dad are fast asleep, and you know they both sleep like rocks!" Beau stated'' the only person you'll wake up is Carrie, and You don't want to wake little care bear, now do YOU?"

Dev fell Quiet again, "You know I can hold you like this for hours, you aren't really that heavy, or you can just end this and talk to me" Beau suggested ending the suggestion with a sigh and started to stomp his foot impatiently..

Dev continued the silent treatment for a bit until letting out a meek "Okay...I'll try" .

Hey, three words, that's a start!" Beau cheekly commented,He sat Dev back down in his green gamer chair.

"Okay, do over!" Beau said casually sitting across from Dev and his bed. "so, how's school going?" "F-fine” Beau gave Dev a intense look, reminding Dev of his word count “N-no, I mean it's just weird" Dev stuttered choosing his words carefully, Dev fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.

"and it's weird because..." Beau initiated, gesturing his hand toward encouraging Dev to continue "It's weird because.... I don't know, Middle school is way different than 'elementary school, I mean I knew that from tv, but middle school isn't like tv."

"It's okay, nothing like tv, that thing lies” Beau softly chuckled to himself and continued “I remember thinking Pogo sticks were the SHIT-cuz 'of people and cartoons on tv made it look so easy"

"I finally got enough money for one-- you were like little you probably don’t remember this-- but I was SO HYPED, I wanted mom to watch me. I took one hop, fell on my ass, and never hopped on that bitch again. I was pissed, I think mom was trying to her best not to laugh but I was so pissed I think I didn’t notice until now. I chucked the pogo stick in the garage, and I never looked at that bitch again”

Dev let out a stiff laugh, the defensive wall Dev put was slowly breaking

"Oh WAIT WAIT!” Beau said taking a moment to correct himself “ That WASN’T the last time the last time I looked that bitch, I fished it out of garage years later, only cuz’ I need some money for Madden. So, I did look at that bitch one more time, but only to sell that bitch.”

Dev let out a more audible laugh, but quickly caught himself and recollected, returned to his disillusioned teenage state.

"Anyway, The teacher's are kind of weird, like a lot of them hate my guts already, except for the coaches who are super nice to me." Dev explained, kind of looking away from his brother

"Weird, why do you think that is?" Beau asked whole hearty

"Because I'm related to you, Numb skull!" Dev blunted , groaning putting his hand on his forehead

"Oh damn, I guess that's my fault." Beau realized, rubbing the back of his neck "My bad. that my awesomeness is just lengardy"

Dev shook his head and rolled his eyes "It's not awesome to live in YOUR shadow!" Dev sulked, sinking back into his chair, his hands covering his face.

"You don't have to follow in my awesomeness, I know I'm a hard act to follow." Beau boasted teastingly so"You just gotta make your own awesomeness."

"What does that even mean?" Dev questioned, moving his hands down, allowing his eyes to peek through his fingers, trying not to given the urge to roll his eyes

"It's like my awesomeness comes from my boyish charm and good looks..." Beau claimed, striking an award winning smile, The urge not to roll his eyes was becoming even hard for Dev, but he still had to try and respect Beau "But your awesomeness could come from being good at games, or computers shit or math or robots or something--I don't know something real nerdy"

"I guess, you're right" Dev mumbled and shrugged,lifting himself up back into a sitting position rather than almost spilling out of his chair.

"Its not a guess, its science!" Beau declared proudly, tapping his temple with his index finger

"No,that's not science!" Dev arguing his brother's stupidity, flatly shaking his head in disagreement

"See, there you go using your nerd awesomeness" Beau pointed out with a wink "Keep that up and you'll go from Beau's lil bro, to just ‘Dev’ in no time." Beau playful tousled Devs mop dirty blonde hair

"I mean.." Dev continued batting his brother's hand away, "I was also thinking of joining the video game club or the robotics club at school."

"There you go another nerdy thing that to add to your own awesomeness" Beau said

"Yeah...." Dev continued ignoring his brother's comment' “Some of my friends are thinking about joining, and it would be a nice place to go away from mom and dad."

"I had sick memories of hanging out with the team, we got into some wild shit." Beau said laughing to himself, fondly reminiscing "But I'm sure you and you geek squad could have "wild" times too, like making an anime robot 'weify." or whatever those called or finding a new math formula or something"

Dev fell quiet for another moment, Beau always seems like he’s in between being supportive and subtly roasting him, Dev then uttered "um... I think I kind of have a crush... on a girl..."

"AYE, let's go! "Beau exclaimed, clapping and shaking Dev's chair for a bit before bouncing back on the bed'' Come on, don't leave me hanging, what's her name? "Have you talked to her vet? Have you asked her out? Have-"

"Calm down!" Dev demanded "I said I had a crush, I didn't say we’re going out.'"

"Oh, so you haven’t talked to her, huh?”

"No, I-I don't even know her name" Dev huffed, he let his arms slip into his oversize sleeves and covered his sleeves with his face in frustration.

"You know you could just ask, not the chick, like just ask around"

"I can't do that because if I do, people will find out I like her and if she finds out, I would just have to stop going to school!”

"Okay, let’s just pretend you DO have the balls to talk to this girl, what's the worst that could happen?" Beau suggested

"She finds out that I like her, thinks I'm weird and never wants to talk to me again or even look at me!” Dev muffled through his sleeved covered face

"You really think she can sus that out all in one go!" Beau said "I mean she is a middle Schooler unless she's like a young nancy drew, she is not going to chew you up and spit out like that." Beau explained "speaking of which''

Beau paused for a moment to spit out his gum into the trash can "Score!"

"Anyways, have you done anything weird to her or around her?"

"No, I mean I look at her in the hallways before and in between class, but I don't like-- stalk her or anything too weird." Dev mumbled, moving his sleeves from his face, but his head was still targeted down at his fingers fiddling with a tag on his black shorts

"So, then what's the fear?" Beau inquired, resting his chin on the heel of his palm

Dev thought for a moment, his eyes shifting looking for an answer." I-I guess I just don't know how to talk to her."

"Well, fuck, that's easy" Beau chuckled “Just talk about school shit, or just say "hi"

"Is it really that easy?"

"Yeah, if you have the balls for it" Beau reiterated "Think about it like this, the dudes you play in your little nerd games have to fight a dragon, a demon or some anime witch with huge melons to talk to the girl they like and they er brave enough to do all of that wacky shit. But you’re lucky, you don't have a dragon for real in your way to keep you talking from your crush. The dragon's just in your head! If those hero dudes can fight dragons they actually can see, doesn't that mean you can fight a dragon you don't even see."

"That was a really lame and kind of confusing metaphor" Dev sassed " But I guess understand what your trying to say"

"Exactly" Beau said nodding confidentiality

"Can we talk about mom and dad?" Dev asked sheepishly, looking up at his brother, (well as much as he could with his shaggy bangs in the way), his fingers now toying with his hoodie strings

"Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yeah, I mean it's just weird" Dev said "Mom and dad are starting to get more annoying but I don't know if they were always like that or they like charged"

"No, parents don't really change-usually” Beau explained “It's just that being a teenager makes you hypersensitive to a bunch of shit and makes you wanna be alone more. Parents, the good ones like spending time with their kids and they actually want quality time n' shit and that's where they start to get annoying".

“"Oh okay,” Dev nodded.'' It's just weird because sometimes I feel like I hate them, but I don't want to. I think I just really want to be alone more like you said but I don't want to shut them out, I just want them to get that." Dev-fiddles with the strings of his green hoodie

"Yeah, I think they do in a weird old people kind of way. Believe it or not they were teenagers to even if that was back in the stone age n' shit" Beau joke"

Dev let out an actual laugh, a sign to Beau that he's little bro was being less of a moody teenager

"Anyway, even with that said mom and david-I mean dad aren't mind readers, it would be cool if you give them a heads up, you don't have to tell them all about what's going on in your little teen nerd brain but at least something simple like something weird or funny that happened at school, or asking for help on homework or a project for class or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure Dav-dad would love that.."

"I guess I could try". Dev said slightly nodding his head "But Carrie is kind of weird too!

"How can Carrie be weird, she's 5.” Beau scoffed "she doesn't do anything weird really"

Dev added" it's just sometimes she's regular cute and other times she's annoyingly cute if that makes sense"

"I mean like kind of get what you're saying but "Beau shrugged gesturing his hand toward prompting Dev to continue

"Like I still look out for her because she little, but because she's little that means I have to do dumb stuff like look for monsters under her bed or do that sleep shuttle thing you do, but I can't really do it because my arms give out halfway through and she's heavier than she looks."

"Well, little brothers and sisters are annoying, it's kind of their job, trust me I know from experience" Beau: put his hand on Dev's knee, Dev tried to Swat at it but Beau quickly put his hand back with a smirk.

"But like with mom and da-David just cuz she's annoying doesn't mean You can’t look out for her n stuff"

"I guess, its because lately, it seems like'' Dev paused 'for a beat, his hands hard gripping the strings of his hoodie, before continuing" I don't know mom and dad have been paying more attention to her than me"

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. "AW does someone miss being the baby?"'

"Oh, fuck! I knew you 'er gonna say that!" Dev blurted out, feeling really exposed, he pulled his hoodie strings allowing his head to be consumed by his hoodie, all but his nose.

"Hey! language,” Beau said, surprised at his little brother's reaction those harsh words coming out of the mouth of small boy sporting a Yoshi hoodie

"You cuss' all the time!" Dev huffed pulling his hoodie back down, then crossing his arm definitely

"Yeah, but I'm older than you, and if mom and David--DAD hear you curse they’er gonna know you got it from me and won't get off my ass about it!"

Dev stared at his brother, simmering in frustration in failing to coming up w/a good come back or a flaw in his brother's logic, He let out a heavy sigh and resumed "Anyways, it's NOT like I miss being the baby, I just miss being able to hold their attention without Carrie coming in and stealing them anyway, I don't know its weird"

"Wait, did you just say that you wanted to be alone and away from mom and David-fuck. I'm not even gonna try more-he's asleep anyways." giving up any attempt to make the word "Dad" same with the name "David"

"Yeah, I know that's what makes it weird!" Dev admitted, he sulked back deeper into his chair and let out a groan.

"You know Carrie's not awake all the time, maybe you can talk to mom and David, when she goes down for her nap, hell, I could just take her to the park for a day." Beau offered

"You'd really do that for me?" Dev peeped, quickly lifting himself up in a sitting position, surprised at his brother kind offer

"Yeah, anything to make you less of a weird angsty shut in, with a bunch of cringy keep out signs and keep out tape!" Beau gestured towards the door

"Actually, I got that caution tape from a real crime scene" Dev clarified, with a smug smile

"Really?" Beau taking a longer closer look at the door

"No, thick head, I found it in a dumpster next to party city!"

"You go dumpster diving?" Beau said, raising an eyebrow

"I have a life outside of YOU!" Dev stated proudly

"Okay, and on that... Weird garbage goblin flex, sibling bonding time is over." Beau said getting up from the bed and heading for the door

"Actually, one more thing..." Beau said quickly, turning around, rushing towards Dev, putting him into a headlock.

"Did ya miss me? Come on, tell me that you missed me!" Beau taunted as he gave his brother a long and through noogie "Ouch, Ow, Ow, Okay, okay, I missed You. Geez:" Dev pleaded trying to struggle out of his brother's grip

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Beau said with a smirk, letting 'Dev go.

"Ugh! my hair" Dev fumed , gawking at his even more messy mop of hair.

"Like you care about appearances" Beau chuckled" mop top nerd!"

"Mullet-hair metal meathead!"

"Ouch, that was pretty good" Beau teased pretending to look hurt "Garbage Goblin"

"You already-"Dev started but was cut off by Beau closing the door

"Too late, the door is closed, I can't hear you, which means I win!" Beau said through the door, laughing at his brother's muffled fury of frustration.

Beau grinned relishing in the absolute confusion of his younger brother, but that good vibe quickly faded once he arrived at the door to his old bedroom. He just stood there and stared at the door for a bit, he could feel the icky stew of the emotions from bubbling back up again.

He flexed his hand a few times as if this was the first time he's ever pored a door, Beau's hand reached for the door handle before retracted as if the knob was red hot.

Beau sheepishly looked around as if somebody was watching him, no one was but it sure did feel like it. He considered sleeping on the couch, but that would be weird, since it seemed like his step dad put his luggage in his room. so, eventually he would have to go into his room anyway.

Beau took a deep breath. "Come on, it's just a door, dude!" He told himself Beau's hand rested on the door knob, he took another deep, his hand gained a stronger grip, and he slowly pushed the door open, Beau carefully entered the room as he closed the door behind him. Looking around the room was plaster with posters of football players and a few pinups of doe-eye, sensual women in swimsuits and other scantily clad outfits.

Athletic medals, trophies and awards displayed proudly on his bookshelf that lacked any actual books, those trophies stood next to pictures of Beau with his teammates, all illuminated by the moon's dull pale blue light. These relics of what felt like a bygone era used to fill Beau with so much pride and joy but looking at them now just leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He could barely even recognize himself in those photos. This whole room felt like a shrine or more like a tomb to someone who no longer exists.

Looking at all this stuff just made the icky feelings from before rise up to the back of his throat making the bad taste linger even longer.

Beau couldn't really pin what-these feelings were, so he shifted his focus on just getting some sleep

As he thought, Beau's step dad put his luggage on his bed. He opened his bag and quickly changed into a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. He fished out the mix tape from his jean jacket and put into the gray clucky music player on his nightstand. Beau turns the music up loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for disturb anyone else. Heavy metal music (ironally) helped him sleep on hard nights.

Beau laid in bed focusing on the one spot in his room that wasn't decorated with high school memorabilia. Focusing on that spot was way better than focusing on the icky feelings from earlier. All he needed to was focus on sleep just sleep, Beau closed his eyes and tried to focus on just sleep.

The next time Beau opened his eyes, he was back in the hallway of his highschool. Beau looked around confused why he was back here but before he could really sus out the situation, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. He followed the sound of the thud that led to a scene of a bespectacled student being shoved up against the lockers. The student's face contorted by fear.

"P-please, d-don't hurt me. "the student uttered, the words quivering as it left his lips.

"Aww, look at him, guys." a familiar voice said, Beau couldn't see whom the voice belonged to. There was a strange mist in the hallway that obscured the person's face.-

"He's scared." the voice said mockly, the person nodded towards a group of people whose faces were also obscured by the mist, they laughed in response

“Don't worry, little buddy, I'm not gonna hurt ya:" the person taunted as he tightened his grip on the student and shoved his body up against the failing student. "As long as you don't squeal" .

"You squeal, and I'll fry you like the pig you are, got it. Swine?"

"I-I p-promise I W-won't. J-just please let me go!" the student begged

Beau was disturbed by scene happening before him, but along with the feel of disgust came a feeling of familiarity, like he's been there before

Just then the fog lift to reveal the face of a younger version of Beau dawned in his red “New Burny High school” letterman jacket. He was smirking relish in the fear he was inflicting on the poor student.

Older Beau slowly back up, almost stumbling as he was coming to the realization of the origin of all those icky feelings from before

"I don't know, do we trust him, guys?" Younger beau asked cocking his head back to his teammates, who shook their head in disagreement "The Boys and I don't seem very sure of that, I think I'm gonna have to test your loyalty !" Younger Beau winded up his arm for a punch, But before his fist could make an impact.

Beau found himself back in his room in a cold sweat, hyperventilating as quickly rose from his bed. His room, still illuminated by the moonlight, with the metal mix tape softly playing in the background. He looked at his hand as if they were lethal weapons. How could I do such a thing?

#daydream blog #daydream blogging #daydream dairy #paraportal #paracosm: humble pie #para: beau #para: devin #para: carrie #immersive daydreaming #paracosm

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hyperfixatingmenever · 4 years

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So let’s talk about the Pirates of Leviathan and how Dropout released a 1:30 video that gave me the most serotonin I’ve had since ACOC finished.

• First, they really had me with those stars at the beginning. I thought Brennen was giving us the space cowboys of our dreams.

• Happy that Brennan got a real chair since I can only imagine he spends every waking moment at a desk being filmed.

• Whos ready for more poop city jokes!

• BUCCANEER BUDDIES!!!

• Cheese is giving me some SERIOUS Beverly Toegold the 3rd (oops 😂😬) 5th vibes!

• If you don’t think I’m already SIMPING over Bob, you’re crazy.

• BOB IS A CLERIC BARD! I didn’t think I could love them any more than I already do!

• BOB’s NAME IS BARBARELLA SASPARILLA GAINGYNN. I can’t.

• I am OBSESSED with Aabria extra-ness with her makeup. She is simply a QUEEN.

• ALSO, Myrtle could rip my throat out with their teeth, and I’d say thank you.

• MARCID THE TYPHOON! What a name! I don’t even know WHAT B.Dave Walters is playing, but I CAN’T WAIT!

• I LOVE Marisha, and I can already tell I’m going to LOVE Sunny, but I have a couple of questions… birds don’t have teeth, but I SWEAR Sunny has braces... I don’t know about Leviathan’s health & dental plans or even if they have orthodontists, but if Sunny does have braces… I love it 😂

• I actually can’t wait for Matt to describe menial things over detailed like a DM.

• Also, pleeeeease let Jack fill the himbo barbarian role that I miss so much.

• The art is GORGEOUS!!!

• Jamina Joy???

• Chungle down bim???

• AYDA AGUEFORT!?!?!

• REPRESENTATION!!! I almost cried

• “Hand to God, that was the second nat twenty.” I guess B.Dave Walters will be in fact pulling an Ally... bets on if he roles a poetic nat 20 during the final episode???

• “What can I do for you…” HOT… that’s all 😅

• ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE FOREST BUILT BY DRUIDS IN THE HULL OF LEVIATHAN???

• “I cry all the time” mood.

• “Loose lips sink ships.” Can’t wait for ALL the ship puns, jokes, figures of speech… all of them!

• I can already tell that the editors (I’m so sorry I forget their names) had an AMAZING TIME with this side quest! Seagulls and waves in the background, and OH the sea shanties! I can’t wait! Also, drop your sea shanty playlist so I can get ready for this AMAZING Side Quest! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

• GARTHY O’BRIEN!!!!!!!!!!

Feel free to add on anything you want 😊

#dimension 20 #Pirates of leviathan #brennan lee mulligan #dropout #naddpod #alix original post

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angellesword · 5 years

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Seventy One

Description: What were you supposed to do when seven men ended up falling in love with you?

Choose, of course.

Seventy One: from seven to one.

Pairings: ot7 x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, inexplicit smut

Word Count: 11k (One shot)

Warnings: alcohol, kissing, mild physical violence, blood, there are stalkers in this fic, discussion of dropping out of school, and losing interest in life.

*** I know this doesn’t have a lot of warnings, but please be mindful of what you’re reading. (especially minors) I’ve been on tumblr and wattpad since 13 and I honestly regretted it. I should have waited for the right time before diving into the word of fiction.

Of one thing, you were sure: You were going to quit medical school no matter how many times they tried to stop you. “I just don’t understand why people are stopping me, you know? This is my life.” You breathed in heavily. “My life!” You repeated the last two words to emphasize your point. Not everyone had a dream. This was what Min Yoongi always told you. Admittedly, this friend of yours admired you for knowing what you wanted to do in life. Sometimes he envied you. For him, you were the epitome of beauty and perseverance. Once you set your mind into something, you were sure to do it no matter how hard it may seem.

“They’re just concerned for you, Princess...” Seokjin pinched your cheeks, an attempt to lighten up your mood, but also because he found you cute. You sighed, trying to flash a smile at your best friend. You appreciated his little ways to make you happy. You had known Kim Seokjin ever since you were a child. Your mom was actually best friends with Seokjin’s mom. As a result, they also wanted their kids to become friends. It happened. Seokjin was a few months older than you, but this didn’t stop you from hanging out with him. The world was convinced you were destined to be together because the two of you were inseparable. You loved hanging out with him. He was a sweetheart, always polite and he didn’t have to try hard to make everyone around him smile. He was naturally funny.

And the best part about being his best friend? Well, Seokjin loved to cook. He always prepared your favorite garlic chicken. Jin didn’t mind eating this flavor of meat with you even though his skin itched after consuming it. “They’re not concerned about me. They’re concerned about themselves.” You gritted your teeth together. Bitterness was taking over you once more. You stood by this. You felt like the reason why your family and relatives were stopping you from dropping out of medical school was because they didn’t want to associate themselves with a dropout—with a person who was irresponsible and didn’t have any dream. You were going to taint your family’s name. When you told Seokjin about your plan, he had a similar reaction with your family. He also stared at you blankly. Your heart sank. Your relatives’ reaction hurt, but the disapproval of your best friend, the person who you thought would support you through thick and thin, hurt the most. Fortunately, you were wrong. Seokjin wasn’t judging you. He was just shocked because he knew how much you wanted to be a doctor. You thought so too, but it only took you two semesters to realize that medical school wasn’t for you. You were spontaneous, just like Jeongguk, the maknae of your group of friends. Studying all day wasn’t for you. You didn’t want to sacrifice your time researching and losing sleep. You wanted something fun...something liberating. Jeongguk was exactly like that. You could never forget the day he knocked on your door at ten pm; his eyes were sparkling as asked if you wanted to go high diving with him. You agreed. It was the best day of your life. Your fingers were intertwined. You screamed all of your frustrations as you jumped. The cold, pristine water swallowed you whole. You figured that the water might be cold, but your heart was warm and so was Jeongguk’s smile. Your friendship with Jeongguk was the opposite of your relationship with Seokjin. The latter had a careful approach in life. This was probably the reason why he was at the top of his chosen career. Seokjin graduated in the most prestigious university in Seoul with a degree in Film Studies. His hoobaes admired him for being the best sunbae. Seokjin was thoughtful. He took his time giving helpful tips to young artists. Your best friend had the right to give advice as he was already the most successful actor of WWH Labels, one of the best entertainment agencies in South Korea. Seokjin had won and was still winning major awards from different shows all over the world. His fan base was getting bigger and bigger. Despite this, he remained humble. Compared to him, you were nothing—at least this was how you feel. “You’re really gonna drop out?” He asked you for the nth time. “Yes.” You said confidently. “You know me. Once I set my mind into something—“ “It is final and there is no turning back.” He completed your infamous line and then he sighed. “I’m just making sure. You know, I’ve noticed that you’ve been taking Yoongi’s opinion seriously.” “Your point?” You asked him directly while raising a brow. Why was Yoongi suddenly involved? “W-Well...I...” He swallowed, it was as if there was lump in his throat, making it difficult for him to continue what he was about to say. “What, Seokjin?” You know it was downright rude to just drop honorifics; however you were pissed off. He hadn’t said anything but you already knew what was in his mind. He was your best friend after all. You knew him inside out. “I just,” he started and failed again. Seokjin realized there was no point of sugarcoating things. He needed to be honest. “Yoongi dropped out of college so I thought that maybe he’s influencing you in some way—“ “Oh shut up!” You couldn’t help your anger anymore. You were wrong for trusting him. You shouldn’t have relied on his encouraging words when you told him you were going to drop out. You remembered his soft eyes and heartwarming smile as he said “I’m not going to stop you, Princess. You should do what you want. I will support you with all of my heart as long as you're happy and not hurting someone else...” Apparently, it was a lie. It was stupid of you to find it endearing. It was stupid of you to think that both Seokjin and Yoongi shared the same sentiment. The former wasn’t like the latter. Yoongi was the only genuine supporter you had. Yoongi told you to “fuck it all,” when you told him about your plan to drop out of school. He said that you were free to do what you wanted. His advice was similar to Seokjin’s. The only difference was that Yoongi didn’t care about what other people thought. He said that it didn’t matter if you were to give up your faith and your trust to them. The only important thing was for you to achieve your goal. In the end, you would only realize the worth of someone if that person chose to stay by your side even if you were at your lowest. Dropping out of medical school meant you would lose your loved ones. Your friends might even think that you were a bad influence. Yoongi claimed that you didn’t deserve to be with people who thought this way. Regardless of their genuineness, both Seokjin and Yoongi made their points clear. To be honest, you couldn’t disregard Seokjin’s point when he claimed that Yoongi’s word got the best in you. What Yoongi said was what you wanted to hear, so naturally you would defend and follow him. It wasn’t right. This made you realize that the advice that you needed was from someone who depended on reality rather than just being brutally honest or being too careful with words. You needed someone who didn’t simply rely on emotions. You needed someone who resorted to logic. You needed Kim Namjoon. “I think I should go. Thanks for the food. See you later.” You barely touched the kimchi fried rice and spicy beef bulgogi Seokjin had cooked just for you, yet you were already leaving. “Do you need a ride?” He asked softly. You eyed your best friend from head to toe, causing him to flinch as he immediately hid his left hand behind his back. You weren’t aware, but Seokjin hurt himself while preparing your food. “No. I’m just gonna go to Namjoon’s.” Namjoon’s place was right across Seokjin’s apartment. Actually, the reason why you were friends with Namjoon was a funny story. Namjoon was originally from Ilsan, the city of flowers that was only a few hours away from Seoul. He said he was just an ordinary boy who liked music, so even if the possibility of failing was high, Joon still chose to risk it all and went to Seoul. He struggled a lot. His place was small, making it hard for him to buy music equipment. Despite his home being small and easy to maintain, Namjoon, the ever clumsy boy, still turned it into a chaotic place. You remembered that time vividly. It was nine years ago. You, Seokjin, and Yoongi were enjoying your usual movie marathon night at Seokjin’s apartment when you heard a loud “HELP!” Next door. You weren’t the type of person who ignored those in need, so you asked your two best friends to go with you to check in with the new neighbor. When you heard the word help, you were expecting to see a person in distress. But upon seeing the face of the man who just opened the door, you instantly knew you were the one who needed help. Damn. Someone should bring you to the hospital because your heart hurt. The boy in front of you was so gorgeous that it physically hurt you. His blond hair complemented his tanned bare chest. God. You felt like you were going to have a heart attack if he didn’t put a shirt on. “My microwave is on fire!” Regrettably you lost interest when he spoke. Just...who in the right mind would catch their microwave on fire? Clearly, only a dumb person. Apparently, Kim Namjoon was dumb. You, Seokjin, and Namjoon were losing your minds as you looked at the flame. Yoongi, on the other hand, just pressed the ‘stop’ button and after a few seconds, the chaos also stopped. “Oh man. What did you put in there?” You winced while trying to get a good look inside your neighbor’s microwave. “Uh? Bulgogi wrap?” Namjoon scowled, unsure. “Bulgogi wrap wrapped in aluminum foil.” Yoongi corrected. When your neighbor nodded, you and your friends face-palmed. Who in the right mind would put an aluminum foil inside the microwave? Only a dumb person. Again, Namjoon was dumb. “Fuck. I’m really hungry, but I’m scared to use the microwave again.” Namjoon face-palmed too. He didn’t know how to cook. “Do you like ramyeon?” Seokjin asked. “Who doesn’t like ramyeon?” This was Namjoon’s answer. “A dumb person.” You chuckled, interjecting their conversation. When Namjoon shrugged his shoulders, you realized that maybe, he wasn’t dumb at all. Namjoon joined your movie marathon that night. It didn’t stop there, though. Namjoon was cool person so he didn’t have a hard time fitting in with your friends. Namjoon was also smart and charming. It wasn’t at all hard to like him. You actually harbored feelings towards him. You couldn’t help it. You found him sexy whenever he was producing songs with Yoongi. Min Yoongi was the kind of person who liked to do his thing alone, so imagine how surprised you and Seokjin were when Yoongi asked for Namjoon’s help, making you realize that Namjoon actually creates more than he destroys. Yes, he was careless and he broke a lot of things, but he sure knew how to create beautiful and meaningful verses that touch the heart of his listeners. His style complemented Yoongi’s way of making music. This was why you didn’t get surprised anymore when Namjoon and Yoongi told you and Seokjin that they were planning to make a small music entertainment that would focus on music healing, talent, and skills of their artists. Few years later, Paradise, the name of their firm, became the biggest entertainment in South Korea, dethroning WWH Labels. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Seokjin, the empire of WWH would probably fall. Seokjin was the company’s backbone. “Namjoon, open your damn door.” You banged on the door of studio. You knew Namjoon had enough money to purchase a bigger place, but he didn’t want leave this building. His only compromise was to buy the unit as well as the three units next to his apartment. He then renovated it to a much bigger studio. He called it Rkive, his personal working area. Seokjin also didn’t want to leave his apartment because he had been living there ever since he was a trainee, but he would probably move to a new place in the future—just not now. “You realize I can steal your valuables and you still wouldn’t notice?” You welcomed Namjoon with an exasperated sigh as he opened the door. As usual, he showed himself to you wearing nothing but gray sweatpants that hugged his hips perfectly. His Balenciaga boxers caught your eyes. You couldn’t help the blush staining your cheeks. You had seen him in this state many times already, but you still couldn’t help but to swallow hard every time. Namjoon was damn attractive, but this didn’t mean that he was perfect. In fact, his one flaw annoyed the hell out of you. You really hated the fact that he was always so immersed in making music that he didn’t seem to give a shit about the people around him. You were standing in front of his door for straight ten minutes already, if you didn’t aggressively bang on his door, you would most likely still be waiting here in vain. “The only thing you can steal is my heart, baby girl.” You shook your head when Namjoon winked at you. Ah damn. How could you still be irritated at him when it was clear that he knew how to make your heart skip a beat? Namjoon was probably the only person who could say sappy things that wouldn’t make you cringe. “Don’t make me regret going here, Joon.” But you couldn’t tell him that. “I’m kidding!” He pulled you inside his studio. Namjoon was busy producing a song before you came. Bangtan Sonyeondan, the only boy band under the care of Paradise Company, was going to release a new album soon. Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were the members of the mentioned boy group. They were pretty much involved in producing their music, but Namjoon was the one who wrote sixty to eighty percent of the lyrics of their songs. Yoongi, on the contrary, focused on producing the melody. “You need help with anything, baby girl?” Namjoon sat on his swivel chair. He would stop working if you said you needed him. That’s how important you were. “I’m useless, Joonie.” You let out a breath, sitting on Namjoon’s lap. He instantly wrapped his arms around your waist and then he rested his head on your back. “I don’t love you.” “What!?” You struggled to get away from him. Did he just straight up tell you that he didn’t care about you? “What?” Namjoon was feigning innocence as he embraced you tighter. “I thought we are supposed to lie? You said you’re useless and that’s obviously a lie.” “Joon...” You touched his hand that’s resting just below your stomach. You were at loss of words. “I know I tease you a lot and I don’t usually say the words you need and want to hear, but...” Namjoon sighed as well. “Please believe me when I say you’re fucking perfect. You’re perfect just the way you are and if reminding you all the time is the only way for you to remember that, then I will continue to say it even if I lose my voice.” You were crying. You went here to seek comfort and that’s exactly what you got. But would he still say the same thing after you told him what you were planning to do? “I am dropping out of school, Joonie.” Your voice cracked upon confessing. Tears kept streaming down your pretty face and all Namjoon could do was to tighten his hug on you. He hated seeing you cry. “You came here for my opinion, right?” You nodded, too ashamed to say yes. You wondered what he thought about you. With Namjoon, you felt exposed. You were not scared to tell him what you felt for the reason that you were certain he would always understand. This was the only thing you were afraid of. Namjoon could just look at you and you would already be willing to tell him every secret you had. “Well I’d like to apologize because I don’t have anything to say.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “It is your life, baby girl. I can’t just tell you what to do and what not to do because at the end of the day, all you need is you.” Namjoon elucidated this thought more by letting you listen to the current song he was producing. Its title is Uhgood. Namjoon gently placed the headphone in your ears. The music started playing. All I need is me. I know I know All is need is me. You know you know The fact that the lyrics kept on repeating as if he was convincing himself made you cry. Sometimes it was really hard to make yourself believe into something. Falling short is such a painful feeling. If you haven’t experienced it, you can’t know it. This was true. It was easy for your family and friends to tell you that it was stupid to just quit medical school. It was because they didn’t know how difficult it was to continuously fail. My ideals and reality are very different, but I will still cross the bridge. I want to reach you. The real you, the real me. You were deluded by the idea that being a doctor was the best thing that could happen in your life. You still pushed through your dreams even though it hurt you many times. It stopped now. What you wanted to become in the future was the real you. You wanted to do what would make you happy—not what your loved ones thought was good for you. Namjoon thought the same because after letting you listen to the song, he said this: “You will pave your own way and your family and friends are just here to watch you grow. We are just merely the pieces of your boat, it is still up to you whether you’ll row it or not. Do you understand what I’m saying?” You hummed. Namjoon seemed contented with your answer so he continued. “My parents didn’t want me to pursue my dream as a rapper. They said I am too naive and guess what? They’re right after all.” He chuckled lowly, with deep dimples and all that. “But look where I am now. Yes, I didn’t become a rapper, but I became someone greater. Someone better. Someone I can be proud of. I train aspiring artists and I am able to produce songs for people. If I listened to my parents, I wouldn’t be the Namjoon you know and the RM they know...” RM was his name in the music industry. “All I’m saying is follow your heart. You might have heard the same thing from Yoongi and Seokjin or I maybe I’m just blabbering dumb words, but do you get the point? At end of all of this, it is up to you whether you’re gonna listen to my advice or listen to yourself. Either way, it is still your choice.” “What will I even do without a Kim Namjoon in my life? God you’re rich and smart. Your future girlfriend will be so lucky.” You laughed, wiping your tears away. “You can be that girl, you know...” And just like that, Namjoon was back with the teasing. “You know no one is going to take you seriously if you flirt with every girl you see, right?” You pouted your lips. Namjoon smirked. “Why? Are you the every girl I see?” “What?” “What what? Silence. “I love a dumb person.” “Oh! Who’s the lucky girl?” Your eyes twinkled. It was Namjoon’s turn to roll his eyes. “I am talking to a dumb person.” “Well I’m sorry I’m slow! You haven’t said anything about the girl you like and—oh.” I love a dumb person...

I am talking to a dumb person... “Joon...” You trailed off when you realized what he said. Shit. What were you supposed to say? “I am in love with you, baby girl.” For years, you believed that you liked Kim Namjoon in a romantic way, but as he confessed his love for you, the only emotion you felt was guilt. Guilt because without giving it much thought, you already knew you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings—at least not in the way he wanted you to. “Don’t worry, baby girl.” He laughed, but you could feel the hurt in his voice. You’re thankful you couldn’t see his face as you were still sitting on his lap. His face was facing your back. You didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m just saying this because I don’t want to regret anything. Falling in love isn’t experienced by everyone. It makes me happy that I am able to feel something as beautiful as this one. Loving you is such a beautiful feeling. I love that I love you, baby girl.” “Damn, do you want some bulgogi wrap?” Namjoon burst into laughter upon hearing your statement. Is his confession that bad that all you could think about was food? “Are you telling me I poured my heart to you just so you can talk about wanting to eat bulgogi?” “It’s for you, idiot!” You finally faced him, hitting his chest with your hand. “I figured you deserve some bulgogi wrap after that heartwarming confession. God, you’re so good at this!” Namjoon simply laughed it off. He also agreed to eat bulgogi wrap at a Korean stall downtown, but this was already hours ago. Right now, you were out with Park Jimin, drinking soju. Namjoon confession made you feel guilty. The only solution you could think of was to drink the guilt away with Jimin. It was a wrong move though. Who would have thought that Jimin was also going to confess his true feelings for you? Ah. Park Jimin. The it boy of Bangtan Sonyeondan. He was a phenomenal dancer; his voice was sweet as honey too. “Listen, babe...” Jimin giggled, his eyes turned smaller when he was smiling. He was cute, unfortunately you loved him the same way you loved Namjoon. What you felt for Jimin never changed ever since you met him. Well, you met him when you needed him the most. Quite literally, really. You remembered that night. You went out to drink with your other friends. It was one of your typical night outs, nothing weird. Nothing creepy—this was until you felt like someone was following you. All of your friends were home now. You always made sure that all of your friends were in the comfort of their homes before you could go to your own abode. But tonight, you wished things were different. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Pick up the phone, Yoongi!” He was the only one you knew you could call. Seokjin was busy with his taping. Namjoon, on the other hand, was out of country to meet up with other artists who wanted to collaborate with Bangtan. Sadly you couldn’t reach Yoongi. This made your heartbeat doubled. The stranger continued to follow you. Wherever you went, he followed. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you ran towards a narrow alley. A sigh of relief escaped your lips when you realized that the creepy person already stopped following you. That’s what you thought. Your muffled scream was frightening. Someone just covered your mouth as he pulled you towards another alley. This one was narrower and darker. You planned to get away from this person, although it wasn’t needed anymore. The man let go of you intentionally. “Don’t scream. Don’t breathe too loud. They’ll leave in...” The mysterious man discreetly pointed at the person following you so you could see how frustrated they were now that they lost sight of you. “Three...two....one...” The man you’re with as of this moment was right. The stalker really left after three seconds. “Do you know them?” You switched your gaze at him; fear was still evident in your voice. “No.” He laughed and shook his head. “But I think they’re sasaeng fans. They’re really irritating. I don’t even know why they’re called ‘fans’ in the first place.” He was annoyed but he was smiling at you. Your creased your forehead, ignoring what he just said. It’s because you felt like you had seen him before. “Do I know you?” You crinkled your eyes. This man really looked familiar. Where did you see him again? “Oh. Sorry, my bad.” The guy giggled. He was so used to the idol life that he expected everyone to know him by now. “I’m Jimin. Park Jimin, the lead vocalist of Bangtan Sonyeondan, a proud artist of Paradise Entertainment!” The introduction was too much, but cute nonetheless. He took your breath away when he saluted at you. You giggled too. “Ah! That’s why you seem familiar. Thanks for saving me, Jimin. I don’t know what I’ll do if you didn’t rescue me.” “It’s nothing. Shall I walk you to your house?” “Walk me to your boss’ house instead.” “The clumsy one or the quiet one?” You pretended to think. “To the quiet one. He needs some scolding for ignoring my calls.” Jimin simply laughed. He didn’t understand why both of his boss adored you a lot. What’s so special about you? His question had been answered as the two of you sauntered around the street of Seoul. It was easy to make him like you. You were not like the other people he met. Jimin figured that it was probably because you were used to seeing famous people that meeting an idol like him didn’t affect you anymore. Well, whatever the reason was, Jimin realized that he liked the fact that he could laugh and do anything he wanted without you praising everything he did. Of course he appreciated every compliment he got from his fans, although sometimes it felt like it was empty. It’s true when they said that words that were often said lost its meaning. Whenever people said that he was a prodigy in dancing or that his voice was angelic, he couldn’t decide if it was the truth or if they were just used to saying it. Apart from this, compliments caused him to feel pressured. Jimin believed that he needed to do his best all the time or else, all the love he got would fade away in an instant. He felt more like a robot instead of a human. If it wasn’t for his family, friends, and members, he would probably quit by now. The time he had an actually conversation with you was also the night he realized that he had another reason to strive harder. But no—it was not to impress you; it was more like you were his inspiration. You were a med student. You were not as rich as your friends so your resources were not enough. Despite this, you still managed to make it through the day without breaking. Jimin, on the other hand, was privileged. Sometimes he felt embarrassed when he felt lazy to do his job. He had all the resources he needed. His fans loved him and he was also talented. The only thing he needed to do was to move and yet, here he was, being a complete sloth. Jimin had been friends with you for years now. He was thrilled when you suddenly called and asked him to drink with you in the middle of the night. This was new. The two of you rarely went out together because you understood that Jimin was famous. Fans would go feral upon seeing the two of you together. You considered Jimin as one your close friends. The people under Paradise Entertainment were really close with one other. You actually had a small group of friends there. Your Saturday movie night started with Jin and Yoongi. Namjoon then joined. After a few years, the members of Bangtan Sonyeondan joined the night. You guessed that what made the bond of the eight of you stronger was when the boy band filmed Bon Voyage. It was one of Bangtan’s reality shows wherein they travelled in a foreign country with limited budget and few resources. The fans didn’t know that you, as well as Namjoon, Seokjin, and Yoongi were there too. It was because the staffs only film the members of Bangtan. You remembered that time clearly too. It was in the Philippines, a tropical country in Pacific. This place was a gem. They were blessed with rich natural resources and hospitable people. The only problem here was the weather. It was so hot. “I told you it’s a bad idea to go here during Summer! God! The weather is killing me!” You hissed at Yoongi. This was his idea. You suggested going to New Zealand, but he disagreed. He said you’d only look for pretty boys there. You just shook your head because what kind of logic was that? But then again, he wasn’t wrong. “I saw an ice cream store over there...” Hoseok said. Your eyes followed the direction where he was pointing. “Yeah? Should we get some?” You already stood up even though Hoseok hadn’t agreed yet. “Okay!” But you always got what you wanted anyway. “I’ll go with you two. We need more drinks.” Yoongi offered, he was about to stand up, howbeit Taehyung stopped him. “Yoongi-depyonim, let Hoseokie-hyung go with our pretty noona this time. Why do you always want to tag along? Do you like our pretty noona~” Taehyung teased. All eyes were either on you or on Yoongi. It was embarrassing. You should never let Taehyung get drunk. He’s annoying when he was intoxicated. “Shut the fuck up, Taehyung. I’m just concerned for her. Hoseok is drunk—“ “Are you saying you don’t trust me, depyonim?” Hoseok’s jaw tensed. He didn’t like what his boss was implying. “You know I like noona more than anyone in here. I’m not gonna do anything to hurt her.” The tension was getting thicker and this was all because of drunk Taehyung. God. You swore you were going to kill him when he’s sober enough to know that you were the one stabbing him. “Just let her go, Yoongi-ah. She can handle herself and Hoseok is a good guy.” You heard Seokjin said. Yoongi didn’t have a choice but to let you go. You didn’t know if it had something to do with Seokjin being the eldest or if Yoongi just realized that he overreacted. Though you couldn’t say that Yoongi was wrong. Your plan was to buy ice cream and alcoholic drinks, but here you were, making out with Hoseok under the coconut tree and the moonlight. “You’re so pretty like this, sweetheart. So pretty just for me.” “Kiss me, Hobi.” He chuckled as he obliged to your request. You moaned. Hoseok was hot and serious at the same time. He was the only member of Bangtan that you were not that close with. His idol persona was different from his real personality. It was understandable though. Jung Hoseok was the leader of the band. He needed to set a good example to his bandmates that was why he rarely focused on activities that did not involve work. This was until you asked him to go out on a date with you. “Who wants to go to Lotte World with me? I have extra ticket!” You barged in Bangtan’s studio one afternoon. Your voice was loud since you wanted to get the attention of your friends. However, it was only Hoseok who looked at you. “Oh,” your smile faded. “Hi, Hoseok. Where are the boys?” Hoseok stopped dancing as he flashed a tight smile. “They’re at the recording studio. Why?” He creased his forehead when he realized you were avoiding his gaze. Why couldn’t you look at him the same way you looked at the other members? You swore it wasn’t because you hated his face. Admittedly, Hoseok was so attractive you felt like you didn’t deserve to look his way. Besides, how could you look at him now when he was topless? If this was Namjoon, you would shamelessly drool, but this was Hoseok. Jung Hoseok of Bangtan Sonyeondan. “I just...” You attempted to look at him and you couldn’t help yourself any longer. “Do you go out with me?” “Sorry?” You faked a smile. Why were you so nervous? “I mean,” you shrugged off, an attempt to calm yourself. “I have an extra ticket to Lotte World. Would you mind going out with me?” When he didn’t say anything, you panicked again. “Just friends! We’re only going out as friends!” Your heart skipped a beat when he ruffled your hair. He was laughing because you seemed shy. There was nothing to be shy about. He would like to go out with you. He was done practicing their choreography and recording his part in their upcoming album. Hoseok was the only rapper in their group. The three members were part of the vocal line. They were still busy recording that was why you ended up going with Hoseok in the mentioned amusement park. Hoseok didn’t regret agreeing to go with you because albeit frightened, you still made him feel like he was brave. You coaxed him to try scary rides at that amusement park. With you, Hoseok forgot all the worries circling in his head. With you, he could be the carefree and rough version of himself. Rough. As in rough in bed. You didn’t exactly know how it happened. After your date with him at Lotte World, the two of you spent more time with each other; however, it was always a secret. It was as though he was your new best friend. Seokjin was always busy with work that was why you chose to hang out with Hoseok instead. Only at midnight though. You two would often meet at Bangtan’s dance studio. This was the safest place since it was common knowledge to all Bangtan employees to never barge in here because Hoseok couldn’t be disturbed while choreographing new steps. Little did they know, the only thing Hoseok was doing was making you cum. This was the reason why you were making out with him under the moonlight tonight. This wasn’t just because you two were semi-drunk. You really wanted to be with Hoseok ever since the start of Bon Voyage. “I love you, sweetheart...” Hoseok confessed as he inserted his fingers in your wet cunt. “Me too, Hobi. As much as I love Tae, JK, and Jimin too.” You cooed. You realized that you needed to tell them you loved them more. They would be dropping their new album soon and you were aware that this was causing them to feel stressed. “Hobi?” You were frustrated when he abruptly stopped pleasuring you. Was something wrong? “Sweetheart?” You called again. You even lifted his chin so you could look at him in the eyes. “Something bothering you?” You palmed his cock. “Will this help? Want me to blow you, baby?” Hoseok lightly pushed you away. This was in contrary to the roughness of his voice. “Do you really think all I want is sex?” “W-What?” You blinked when you saw hurt crossed his face. “Hobi...I don’t understand. We chose this deal right? You said you wanted me. I want you too, sweetheart.” You tried to kiss him on the lips, but it landed on his cheek when he tilted his head to the side. “Let’s stop this deal. I don’t want to be your fuck buddy anymore.” You froze, too stunned to even speak. He didn’t want you anymore? Did he find someone better? If that was the case, then you couldn’t do anything. It’s just so not you to push people to do something they didn’t want. So even if your heart felt heavy, you still nodded. “Whatever you want is fine by me, Hobi.” “That easy, huh?” He cackled. “I just told you I love you, damn! Is this really just physical for you? Don’t you feel anything at all—” Hoseok was cut off when Yoongi suddenly punched him. You tried to stop Yoongi, but you realized you couldn’t stop him without asking for the help of your other friends. It was Jeongguk who was able to pull Yoongi away from Hoseok. You scowled upon seeing the idol’s broken nose and bleeding lips. “Damn. You don’t need our stylist-noona now, Hoseokie-hyung.” Intoxicated Taehyung was unstoppable. He still managed to joke about the current situation. Their album concept was about raising awareness about violence. Hoseok’s role was the protagonist who was always bullied by his classmates. Taehyung was saying that their stylist didn’t need to paint fake bruises on his hyung’s face anymore. “Taehyung, you better shut the fuck up.” Namjoon threatened, but the intoxicated boy just raised his brow and smirked at his boss. It was Seokjin who stood up to stop this chaos. “Guys...” The eldest called all of your attention, though he was only looking at you. For some reason, guilt managed to creep into your heart. Why was Seokjin looking at you using those lonely eyes? “We aren’t going to solve anything if you are all angry. Can we please just stay calm?” Seokjin blinked as he wetted his pinkish lips. “Yoongi-ah, why did you do this to Hoseok?” Yoongi who was currently plopped down on white sand glared at Hoseok. After this, he switched his gaze at Seokjin. “Why don’t you ask him instead, Jin-hyung? Have him tell everyone the nasty shit he was doing to her!” Yoongi angrily pointed at you. This time, all of your friends stared at you, patiently waiting for your answer. “I...” You looked away. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to find out this way. In fact, they weren’t supposed to find out at all. “Yoongi saw—“ “I kissed her.” Hoseok cut you off. The five other boys gasped while Yoongi tried to attack Hoseok again. Fortunately, Jeongguk was able to stop him. Seokjin asked you if it was true so you didn’t have a choice but to tell them the truth. You couldn’t afford to make it seem like this was Hoseok’s fault. Taehyung laughed after hearing you admit the truth. He started dancing and singing too. “Hoseokie and noona, sitting on a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” You closed your eyes and sighed heavily. You thought you could handle this calmly, but Taehyung was really getting in your nerves. This was ridiculous. “Can all of you just please shut the fuck up? Hoseok kissed me because I want him to do so! I wanted it to happen, alright? He didn’t force me!” You were fuming as you glared at Yoongi. “He didn’t force me, Min. So just....” You sighed again. “Please apologize to Hoseok. He didn’t do anything wrong.” Deafening silence welcomed your group. The only sound you could hear was the harsh wave. It was Jeongguk who broke the silence. “You want him to kiss you?” He asked innocently, his big doe eyes were sparkling. “Why? Do you like Hobi-hyung, Noona?” You bit your lower lip. Did you need to answer his question? If yes, why? If no, why? But most importantly, did you like Hoseok? You looked at your fuck buddy. It seemed like he was in great pain—he was biting his lip while trying to stop the blood from staining his white shirt. He was also looking at you, eyes full of hope. You wished you didn’t have to hurt him. But you did anyway. “I like him as a friend, Jeon.” You answered the maknae’s question, but your eyes were focused on Hoseok. You noticed the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. It was obvious that he’s trying hard to stop it. As much as Hoseok wanted you to love him, he was certain that forcing you to do so would only hurt you. The last thing he wanted was to hurt you. This being the case, he simply nodded, accepting defeat. “I understand.” Hoseok smiled at you. “Thank you for being honest, sweetheart.” “Sweetheart my ass.” Why did Yoongi need to always ruin the moment? Seokjin rolled his eyes. Yoongi was so petty. “Let’s clear this up, guys” The eldest spoke again. He asked you all to form a circle. Seokjin was inside that circle since he was the one who gathered all of you to swear something. “Raise your hand if you want to remain friends with the people in this circle.” All of you, except Yoongi, complied with Seokjin’s request. You had to pinch the side of Yoongi’s stomach just to urge him to raise his hand. He did. “Good. Do you swear to do the best that you can to protect and not harm one another?” “I swear.” All of you said—except Yoongi. You pinched the side of his stomach again. “Fine! I swear!” Yoongi swore through gritted teeth. “Do you swear to never fall in love with the only girl in this group?” “What!?” Your eyes widened. Your face felt hot. This was so unnecessary. “Seokjin! Stop overreacting! No one is going to fall in love with me here.” “You sure about that, Noona?” Jeongguk asked, he was obviously pertaining to Hoseok. “All they have to do is swear, Princess. If they aren’t going to fall in love with you, it will be easy to swear!” Seokjin grinned innocently that you could only roll your eyes. Seokjin made them swear a few more statements before giving each one of you a bottle of beer. “To our newly formed friendship!” He raised his bottle. “To our newly formed friendship!” The seven of you repeated and that was it. For years, Jimin managed to keep those promises, but you could never trust a man under the influence of alcohol. “I’m only saying this now because I am drunk and I can just pretend like I don’t remember anything tomorrow.” Jimin pouted his lips as he stared at you lovingly. You listened to him. “I like you a lot, babe. I’m sorry. I know I can’t because I promised our friends that I will never fall in love with you, but...” Jimin hiccupped. “I just have to say it once. RM-depyonim called and told our friends that he also broke the promise and I thought...fuck it all. If the CEO can confess to you just like that, then why can’t I, right?” “Jimin, you’re drunk...” You sighed. Were you supposed to say anything? Wasn’t it cruel to reject two of your friends in one night? “I’m not!” Jimin chuckled. “Intoxicated people can’t do this—” “Intoxicated people fall asleep while they’re talking, bitch.” You shook your head when Jimin lost consciousness. Damn. He was wasted. “Hello, Manager Sejin? Yeah, it’s me...” You wiggled your brows as if the person you’re talking to on the other line could see you. “Uh, Jimin is drunk and we need you here. I’ll text you the location. Bye!” By the time you finished talking, you immediately cut the line. You’re scared of their manager. The members always got in trouble whenever they were with you. If you weren’t friends with Namjoon and Yoongi, Manager Sejin would most likely forbid the members from going out with you. “Sorry, Manager!” You made a face when Jimin’s manager almost tripped while trying to carry the singer on his back. Guilt washed over you when Sejin just sighed. Were you being selfish? Was your attitude too much? Should you just really leave the boys alone? That night, you went home alone. Exhaustion made you fall asleep easily. It was already past nine in the morning when you woke up. Your phone was full of messages from Jimin, causing you to worry. Did something happen to him? As you unlocked your phone, you received a new message from him. [9:58am] Park Jimin: I remember what happened last night, babe. Sorry about that. I promise to never say things like that again, though I never lie when I’m drunk. Don’t feel pressured about liking me back. I can always find another person to love as I am already contented just by being your friend. Have a good day! :D You were glad that this day wasn’t going to be as awkward as you thought it would be. It was a good thing Jimin understood your situation as he didn’t force you to reciprocate his feelings for you. Your plan for today was to just watch your and Seokjin’s favorite T.V show. You smiled to yourself thinking how angry he would get when you told him that you watched the new episodes without him; however, your smile faded when you realized that you weren’t in good terms with him. You got mad at him last night for being concerned about you. But...could he blame you? He was judging Yoongi and Yoongi was your friend—his friend. How could he say those things? The three of you had known one another for years. Yes. Min Yoongi dropped out of college, but it did not mean that he failed as a person. Yoongi reached his goal. He wanted to climb the social ladder. He did it by pursuing his passion for music and you couldn’t be more proud. “Why are you crying when you’re watching a fucking sitcom?” You screamed so loud upon hearing that voice. “Fuck! Yoongi! You scared the hell out of me!” You threw one BT21 pillow at him. He was going to be the death of you. Literally.

“When did you arrive?” “You know, you always tell Namjoon how you can rob his place and he wouldn’t even know it.” He snorted. “You’re just as horrible as he is.” Yoongi caught the BT21 pillow in his hands and then he grimaced upon seeing that this pillow was Hoseok’s line character called Mang. Yoongi fucking hated Mang. “I’m damn broke, Yoongels. They can only steal my books in med. I wouldn’t mind, tbh.” Yoongi sat on the couch beside you. You bit his arm when he threw Mang on the floor. “How dare you hurt my baby!” You nursed Mang in your arms. You spent a lot just to buy this pillow. Fuck capitalism, really. “I’ll give you Taehyung and Jeongguk’s character for free. Just ditch Mang.” “No! Why do you hate Mang so much?” You questioned your friend who was now engrossed in watching TV. “I hate Mang as much as I hate Chimmy.” “I thought you liked Chimmy!” You slapped his arms. Chimmy was Jimin’s character. “That was before Jimin told us he confessed his love for you. Joon too.” You kept your mouth shut. This was something you couldn’t just brag about. You respected both Namjoon and Jimin’s feelings. “You’re not hard to love, you know?” He said seriously after calling your name softly. He was the only one who called you by your real name. All of your friends had a special nickname for you. “Don’t tell me you’re about to confess your undying love for me too?” You burst into laughter because your own joke made you cringe. There was no way Yoongi liked you. Nope. That was impossible. “What if I am?” “Shut up.” You slapped his arms again. Yoongi was a terrible joker. “Why? I loved you first.” “Yoongi....” You warned. Your heart was going crazy. No. This couldn’t be happening again. You couldn’t handle to reject three of your friends in less than twenty four hours. “I have loved you since the day you saved me.” And just like that, memories of the past flashed in your mind. Ten years ago, Min Yoongi came into your life. If Jimin saved you from danger, you could proudly say that you were once a hero just like Jimin. Going to Han River had become a habit of yours whenever you felt sad. The night you met Yoongi, you were sad. Your parents were fighting again. You thought you had the worst problem in the world, but when you saw a man in Han River��s bridge, ready to jump and end his life, you realized that there were people who had it worse. “No!” You were able to hug him before he could jump. His body was cold and he was shaking badly. You hugged him tighter as your tears fell. You were scared—too afraid to lose this stranger. You expected him to struggle just so he could get away from you; however, he did the opposite of what you thought he’d do. He actually hugged you back. “All I wanted is someone to hold me like this.” His voice was low and sad. It made you cry even more. “I’ll do it. I’ll hug you all the time if you want. Just ...don’t leave.” Yoongi was that boy. He was determined to end his life that night, but you saved him. You acted as if you were scared to lose him. You cared for him. You were afraid to leave Yoongi alone again, and so you brought him at Seokjin’s apartment—this was the start of your friendship. You didn’t regret bringing Yoongi there. You learned to love him. To care for him. But then again, you could only love him as a friend. Your heart wasn’t always sure who it loved, but it sure knew who it couldn’t love. “You’re probably gonna reject me too. I respect what you feel.” Yoongi chuckled because who knew? Maybe you had heard this exact line from Jimin and Namjoon. “No matter how romantic our proposal is, it is still up to you who to choose. I can’t say I can’t give up on you, especially if it is your wish.” “You are my favorite among those people who confessed to me.” You said honestly, but Yoongi just glared at you. You raised your hands as if you were surrendering. “Fine! Second favorite. Namjoon’s still the best and you know I have a crush on that guy.” “I will kick his ass later.” “Wish I can do the same. Man, his ass is the bomb.” “Where’s the lie though?” You ended up laughing until your stomach hurt. Yoongi kept joking around and you were sure that he wasn’t doing this just to get rid of the awkwardness. Yoongi really loved the sound of your voice and your laugh. But he wasn’t sure when he could see you smile again. You really dropped out of medical school. It had been months now since you made that decision. You didn’t have to say it for them to know that you were sad. You were having a very difficult time and it was apparent. The boys knew you for always pretending like you were strong and that you could handle everything. This was one of the reasons why they admired you. Namjoon was the only person who knew what you truly feel and it was not because he could read you. It was because you let him read you. But these days, Namjoon was busy with work. You couldn’t call Jimin now since his girlfriend didn’t really like you. Yes. He had a girlfriend now. He was not lying when he said he could always find a girl to love. Jimin loved easily. That’s just who he was. Yoongi, on the other hand, was busy mending his broken heart. Sure. He respected your decision, but it did not mean he was okay. Yoongi loved you. It’s been a decade now. He couldn’t just decide to stop loving you. There was no such thing as unloving someone. There was only forgetting. Your heart loved, but it tried so hard to forget the feeling of being in love—a defense to stop itself from the pain of rejection. And so now you were stuck with Taehyung and Jeongguk, the two pests of your life. “Hi, love.” Jeongguk winked at you. “Go away, Jeon.” You wanted to throw the slice of pizza in his face. You couldn’t do it though. Not when there were other customers who could see you. You swore he was testing your patience. You were trying to ignore Jeongguk’s sly innuendos, but his moves were getting out of control. This kid used to be so shy around you; sadly he was shamelessly flirting with you now. “Don’t you need to record a new song or something?” You pressed the bell to let your co-worker know that one of the customer’s orders was ready. “Thanks, Yeonjun.” You grinned at your co-worker who also smiled at you as he served the slice of pizza to the customer. Your dad stopped giving you allowance the moment you told him you were quitting school. You had other job but it wasn’t enough since you had bills and rent to pay. You knew you couldn’t just sit in the corner and wait for a miracle. Although your miracle came in seven forms: your friends. They offered to give you money just so you didn’t have to work in this pizza parlor. It was tempting, really. But you were not a gold digger. You loved your friends because they were fun to be with—not because all of them were wealthy. Besides, your job wasn’t as hard as what Taehyung made it seem to be. You were a cashier. Sure, there were irritating customers, but no one could annoy you the same way as Jeongguk and Taehyung could. “Why don’t you say that to Taehyung too, Noona? He needs to record with me!” Jeongguk pouted, though you could still see his teeth. He lookee like a bunny. “It is because our pretty noona adores me, Guk.” Taehyung who was sitting on a stool bar beside Jeongguk blurted out. You sighed. Why did the owner decide to construct a bar counter with stool bars where customers could sit and enjoy their food? Didn’t your boss know that customers were annoying and that the cashier might get bald from dealing with people like Jeongguk and Taehyung? “Excuse me? Didn’t she tell you you’re just like a baby brother for her?” Jeongguk teased his rival. “No.” The pizza parlor just opened, but you were already tired. You needed to remind yourself that this was your fault. You were the one who told them where you worked. Both Jeongguk and Taehyung confessed their feelings for you many months ago. You thought they were kidding since your three other friends also told you they were in love with you. Unfortunately, they weren’t joking. Jeongguk was serious—persistent and serious. He confessed first, defeating Taehyung. Jeongguk was endearing. He expressed his emotions by singing in this pizza parlor in front of the other customers. Of course he was wearing a mask, a bucket hat, and a hoodie. He also changed the sound of his voice since he was afraid to be recognized by his fans. You didn’t have the heart to reject Jeongguk that night. The boy was just so adorable, though you realized it was better to break his heart now rather than to give him false hope. After all, you felt like it was the competitive side of him who liked you and not the real Jeongguk. The maknae always wanted to win. Perhaps he wanted to win your heart just to prove it to his hyungs that he could do everything. When you told him this, Jeongguk was beyond repair. “Do you really think I am that petty?” he was crying in pout. Your heart broke from seeing him this sad. He was not happy because of you. “I’m sorry, Kookie.” You engulfed him into a motherly kind of hug. You just couldn’t imagine Jeongguk as your boyfriend. You were five years older than him. Besides, you had watched him grow up. Sometimes you felt like he was your son so when he told you he liked you, the word incest entered your mind. You didn’t want Jeongguk to think that you see him as kid. He was so much more than a baby bunny for you. Jeongguk was a fine young man who was capable of sweeping people off their feet. He could be sexy if he wanted to. It’s just not gonna work with you. Moreover, you didn’t understand why he suddenly took interest in you. Thankfully, Jeongguk explained it well. “I just followed this little buddy of mine.” He pointed on his chest to refer to his heart. “Plus you’re always so good to me. You’re pretty and smart too!” You wondered if it was because you always complimented him. Jeongguk seemed very happy when people praised him. “You’ll be able to find someone prettier, smarter and someone who can love you, Kookie.” “But I’m not looking for anyone! You are the one I like!” Jeongguk wasn’t as matured as his hyungs. Out of all the men who confessed to you, he was the only one who did not know when to give up. He was always at the pizza parlor. He never failed to give you roses each day. He even brought you chocolates, but he ended up eating them all while waiting for you to finish your shift. Dealing with Jeongguk was stressful enough. It wasn’t like you wanted to deal with Taehyung too. He was as persistent as Jeongguk. Why did they end up falling in love with you? At least Taehyung changed his ways from time to time. He liked to observe first by watching the move of his rival. Jeongguk brought you flowers and chocolates. You didn’t seem to like it so he took in mind not to buy those things. He also figured out that singing a song and a casual confession did not impress you. Therefore, he needed to be different. The only way he could think of was to get the approval of your dad first. He wanted to meet your mom since mothers easily trusted men. Unfortunately, your mom left you and your dad years ago. Taehyung had no other choice but to face your father. Your dad instantly alarmed you. He was asking why Taehyung was suddenly confessing his love for you. You rushed home to confirm this news. Taehyung was really there. His boxy smile was visible. Sadly it didn’t enchant you the way it made his fans crazy. “Tae, you should go home.” You knew you were being cruel. However, you couldn’t handle this anymore. This seemed like a big joke for you. Did they really think they could just declare their love for you whenever and wherever they wanted to? You knew you should be thankful. Good and pretty boys loved you. Who were you to complain? But you see, this was exactly the problem. They were good and pretty boys. If their feelings for you were real, then they didn’t deserve to be rejected at all. But what could you do? You just couldn’t teach yourself to love them the way they wanted to be loved. Taehyung went home defeated that night. He didn’t ask why you did not like him. He didn’t need your confirmation of the painful truth. Besides, it was not like he’d give up that easily. You didn’t ask Taehyung why he liked you too. You realized you didn’t need their validation at all. If he told you what he liked about you, would you change yourself just so he could start disliking you? “Noona, you okay?” Jeongguk asked, pulling you back to reality. “Yeah, Kookie. I’m just not feeling well.” You forced a smile. It was the truth. You also didn’t want to deal with them today. “D-Do you want me and Jeongguk to leave?” Tae offered politely. Both of them instantly stood up when you nodded eagerly. “See you later, love!” Jeongguk winked “Yeah, pretty noona. See you soon!” Added by Taehyung. You simply waved at them. The see you later and see you soon of Jeongguk and Taehyung lasted for several months. For many weeks, they did not show up at the pizza parlor. It wasn’t like they did not want to see you. They were just busy with concerts and various shows both locally and internationally. Your heart swelled in joy whenever you watched them on television. They really grew up well. They grew organically. Yoongi and Namjoon knew what they were doing. They cared for their artists a lot. “You should audition to Paradise Entertainment, Yeonjun. You can be just like them.” You wiggled your brows at your co-worker. It’s past eleven pm and you were about to close the pizza parlor. You and Yeonjun were the only ones left in the store. You both agreed to close the restaurant after watching Bangtan’s performance at MMA. The show was almost done anyway. “I’ll try my luck soon, Noona. Thank you for supporting me.” Yeonjun’s smile reminded you of Seokjin’s pretty lips. You missed the guy. If Bangtan was busy, Seokjin was busier. You hadn’t seen him since the day you left his house after he said something bad about Yoongi, but you two still text each other. Seokjin was in New York this day. He was supposed to be the MC in MMA’s award show, but due to conflicting schedules, he turned down the opportunity. You missed Seokjin. You really did, though you understood that both of you were not kids anymore. You couldn’t just call and ask him to go see you. “I’ll get going, Noona. Happy birthday again!” Yeonjun waved at you and left. Your clock said it was already 11:58pm. Two minutes left before your birthday ended. “Did he forget?” You kicked the pebble on your way. All of your friends greeted you a joyful birthday, except for one. Was it because he was abroad? Did it have something to do with the different time zone? “He’s still stupid for forgetting my special day!” You let out your frustration by shouting. You were standing in front of a wide street, patiently waiting for the green signal that would indicate if you could already cross the street. You were the only person here so you could freely express your emotion without getting shy. You could shout as loud as you wanted to. “I hate you so much, Kim Seokjin!” You screamed again. One minute left. There was no way he’s gonna call or miraculously show up. Except that you believed in miracle. Except that Seokjin really showed up thirty seconds before your birthday officially ended. “Happy birthday!” One second he was on the other end of the street, the other second, he was already standing before you. His ears and neck were bright red and he was still trying to catch his breath. You didn’t know it, but he just got off the plane and he ran as fast as he could just to greet you a happy birthday. “You didn’t forget.” Your tears fell as the first snow fell. “How can I forget when I know you will be waiting for me?” “Where’s my gift then?” You had the temerity to raise your brow at him. Seokjin grinned at you. Without saying anything, he showed you the mistletoe he was holding. “You know what this means, right?” You blushed. Jin was always so polite and respectful. This was the first time he showed this kind of side of him. You couldn’t say you hated it when in reality; it made your stomach turn. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” And just like that, the Seokjin you knew was back. You missed his shy smile and sweet voice. You missed him. You miss him a lot. And so you touched his broad shoulders as you tiptoed, you pressed your lips on his mouth, not minding how fast your heart beat. “I was afraid and embarrassed, you know...” Jin told you as he nuzzled your nose. You didn’t speak. “I didn’t mean to sound cocky when I said the matter about Yoongi being a drop out. I don’t—I can never judge him like that. I’m sorry if you felt that way...” You only tightened your grip on his shoulders. “I’d also like to apologize for making the boys swear to never fall in love with you. I didn’t play fair and I was being selfish.” “What do you mean?” He sighed. “I know one of the boys already told you that you are not hard to love, Princess. I also figured that they are all going to end up loving you. It scared me. They’re not difficult to like and I am sorry you are hearing this from me, but I just don’t think I’ll be able to handle it when you end up dating one of them.” Jin closed his eyes, his lips are shaking. “I’m sorry...” You bit your lower lip upon hearing his confession. “I just need you to answer one question.” You said. “What is it?” He opened his eyes. “Do you love me?” Seokjin laughed because of this. “Will I ditch four award shows and a meeting with Tom Cruise if I don’t love you?” “Can you just answer with a simple yes or no?” You were getting impatient. “You are like the first snow fall of the year, Princess.” “I said yes or no, Seokjin.” You glared. He ignored you. “You are like the first snow fall.” He repeated. “No matter how long, I will still wait for time you are ready to fall. You are cold, but I will make sure you will melt because of my scorching love for you. So yes, I love you, Princess. I am in love with you—“ You didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence as you were already kissing him. Seven boys. There were seven boys. It hurt you to reject the six of them, but if you did not do that, you won’t be able to kiss this one boy. The one who could make your heart beat. You chose Kim Seokjin. Your prince.

REPOSTED ON NOVEMBER 30, 2020.

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fourdaysofrain · 5 years

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Peter like,, falling behind on his schoolwork or feeling overwhelmed with both school and spidermanning and then Tony helping him get back on track?

Oh man, buckle your seatbelts, I’m about to project onto Peter Parker.

Read on AO3

Peter let his head drop into his hands as he stared down at the worksheet on the desk in front of him. He had been doing so well with staying on top of things, but he was halfway through webbing up a mugger at the end of his patrol when he remembered he had a Spanish assignment due tomorrow.

So here he is, watching his clock tick closer towards sunrise, trying to remember the irregular preterit verbs and ignoring the bruise on the side of his face that will hopefully be gone by morning.

It’s not as if he wanted to be doing homework four hours before his alarm would go off. After the blip, there was chaos in Queens. All of the universe, really, but he was having a hard enough time focusing on his own small borough. He had to help whoever he could. A few hours less of sleep certainly wouldn’t kill him. Not when he could be using those hours to save other people’s lives.

His weekly patrols turned to twice a week, to every other day, to every evening, to whenever he wasn’t doing homework or eating. He worked on assignments in between classes and during decathlon practice. He studied for decathlon before he ate dinner. It was a delicate system, sure, but as long as he didn’t make any mistakes he would be fine.

Of course, thanks to Sr. DiPaolo, his delicate system was crashing down around him like a pyramid of champagne flutes. He knows he should just go to bed and take the zero, but he can’t stop looking at the page. He has to do this assignment. If he doesn’t, his grades will fall and he’ll never get into MIT and he’ll have to be a high school dropout and will probably end up homeless on the street selling himself for food. All because of this god damn Spanish worksheet.

He holds back a choked sob. Great, and now he’s crying as well. The words in front of him float around his head as his eyes burn. He can’t remember the last time he got a full night’s sleep. Even when he gets in bed on time, he keeps himself up thinking of the battle at the Avenger’s compound. He saw Tony die. He knows, rationally, that Tony is currently living happily at the lakehouse, still recovering from the damage the gauntlet caused. But he saw the light leave his eyes. He saw his pale (too pale, always too pale) skin flecked with blood and dust fall slack. And that’s all he sees when he closes his eyes to sleep.

Lovely stuff to think about when he’s trying not to cry.

He scratches out a shaky tuviste before jolting at the buzz of his phone on the desk. The screen proudly flashed a picture taken a few months– well, 5 years and a few months– ago of him and Tony posing with a specialized blender he made for Dum-E’s birthday. It’s Tony’s contact photo. Peter debates letting it ring and avoiding the lecture about being up too late. He sighs and answers it. He just needs to get his mind off of his homework one way or another. Even if it means he’ll be sleeping even less.

“Hey, Mr. Stark.” He hopes he sounds like he just got up, rather than like he’s holding back tears.

“Hey, kid. How are things?” Peter’s eyebrows scrunched at the tinny voice coming through the phone.

“You called me at 3am just to ask how things were?” His voice cracked when he raised it at the end of his question. Hopefully, it went unnoticed.

“Are you doing okay, Peter?” No such luck. Tony’s voice had dropped to a lower register. And he used his actual name. There was no escaping this now.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing superhero related, so you don’t need to worry,” Peter said as he wiped his nose, the not-crying pretense already out the window.

“Pete,” he was really not used to hearing this level of care in Tony’s voice, “I’m Tony 2.0 now. I’ve got a kid. I’m more emotionally mature, according to Pepper at least. You can talk to me. I’m all about that sappy stuff now.” Just what he needed. A reminder that everything has changed.

“Why’d you call me, then?” Peter couldn’t help but feel like a petulant child. He heard a drawn-out breath come from the other side of the call.

“I had a nightmare where you didn’t come back.” Peter freezes in his place. He was expecting a deflecting joke, not an actual answer. “We still saved the rest of the universe, but you stayed in the soul stone. Now I can handle that on my own, but I saw you were in the suit just a couple minutes ago– May and I will be talking to you about that, by the way– and I decided to give you a call.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I care about you, kid. So what’s going on? Why are you crying in the middle of the night?”

“It’s stupid. I have an assignment due in Spanish tomorrow and I’m just starting it now. It’s not even that hard, I just can’t do it. I’m going to fail.” Peter adamantly held back the sob crawling up his throat.

“You’re not going to fail. How much is this assignment worth?” Tony’s voice was impossibly soft as he spoke.

“It’s uh– part of the homework section, which is 20% of the final grade.” He sniffed pathetically. “It’s so stupid, sorry.”

“It’s not stupid.” A pause. “Peter, is this really about the assignment? You know one missed assignment won’t change your grade. Last I checked you still have a 98 in Spanish.”

There’s a pause as Peter catches his breath. It’s really not about the assignment. The assignment is just the tip of an iceberg that’s been growing ever since he came back.

“It’s just all… so much.” Peter’s words came out quietly, as if afraid he would break completely if he spoke any louder.

“Kid, you’re 18. Or 23, depending on how the government decides to count the blip. You’re pushing yourself too hard. You’ve been patrolling every night for hours on end and still getting straight As. You need to care for yourself.”

“There are too many people out there who need Spider-Man. I can’t just let them get hurt,” Peter says as he tries to get his breathing under control. Tony waits patiently.

“Listen to me, Pete. Are you listening?” Tony waits to hear a confirmation from him before continuing. “You can’t save everyone. You’re saying that, while you’re on patrol, every person who got in trouble is in trouble because you didn’t save them. Right?”

Peter nods before remembering he’s on the phone. He mutters a quick yes.

“You’re wrong. New York’s a shitty place. People get hurt every day. You can’t blame yourself for that. If you look at it from my perspective– the right one– every person you help is safe and unharmed because of you. You’re not looking at the people you’ve saved, just the ones you didn’t. You’re setting yourself up to fail. No one can stop all crime in Queens. Not even Spider-Man.”

“I guess.” Peter doesn’t even feel upset anymore. He just feels numb. He wants to go to sleep.

“God, this must be how Rhodey felt. Back to the matter at hand: your homework.”

“I can’t do it, Mr. Stark, but I can’t miss an assignment.” Peter runs a hand through his hair and ignores the way his voice wavered.

“Alright. Executive decision time. I’m excusing you from school tomorrow. What day is tomorrow, Friday? No, not you–” Tony’s voice gets quieter as he moves away from the speaker to scold his AI.

“Yeah, tomorrow’s Friday.” Peter can feel a glimmer of amusement underneath whatever has a grip on his chest.

“Good, good. So you’re going to skip school and come to the lake house for a nice long weekend. I can work the details out with May before she goes to work. Text me when you wake up and I can send Happy over.”

“Mr. Stark, I can’t miss a day! I’ll just fall even more behind. I can’t– handle that right now.” His breath hitches as he speaks.

“Yes, you can. Bring your homework but don’t bother bringing the suit. I’ll work with you on your homework, but this is going to be a Spider-Man free weekend. We’ll just be conjugating verbs until the cows come home. You’re a smart kid, Pete. Believe me, one day off from high school won’t kill you. Overworking yourself might, though.”

Peter sighs. He knows when he’s in a fight he can’t win.

“Okay.”

“Looking forward to it. And, kid, I do care about you. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. Even if it’s not related to your sticky friend. I know it must be strange that I have a daughter now, but you’re still my kid. That’s never going to change no matter how many space-dictators try to take over the universe. You’re incredible. You just have to give yourself some slack. Now, get some sleep. I– I love you.”

Before Peter can respond, Tony ends the call. He’s left looking blankly at the phone in his hand. Well, that was new.

He’s not better yet. He has a while to go before he can feel relaxed. But, slowly, the weight on his shoulders gets a little lighter. And that night, he dreams of springtime.

Tag List:@ironfamjam @addi-is-amazing @mysterio-is-a-little-bitch

#hope you like it!#no editing we die on our first draft like men #art writes #irondad #irondad and spiderson #spider-man #spiderman #marvel #mcu #iron man

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theajaheira · 5 years

Text

2019 fic roundup

december was INSANE and i spent most of january dealing with the aftermath of Terrible Parents, but i am finally doing this! in nearly-february! good grief!

tagged by @catty-words! always a delight, cori <3

Total 2019 Word Count: 541,906 Total 2019 Hits: 29,555 Other 2019 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 3,184; Comment threads: 787; Bookmarks: 509; Subscriptions: 223.

Total 2018 Word Count: 338,835 Total 2018 Hits: 22,374 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 2,192; Comment threads: 453; Bookmarks: 280; Subscriptions: 69.

links and titles to 2019 works (buckle up, folks.)

[btvs] imperfections (148,374 words) y’all know about the braveryverse already but i’ll bring up some good points: jenny and giles accidentally adopt the entire scooby gang. also faith gets some actual support and is actually eventually stable enough to date buffy. good times.

[btvs] deliberate obstruction (5,492 words) the one where jenny is petty as fuck and attempts to sabotage every single one of giles’s dates after their breakup. not her best look, but it was really fun to write jenny being Not Great. she deserves to have that option.

[btvs] arch-nemeses (2,171 words) who doesn’t love some of that good old-fashioned ripper au nonsense? particularly when it’s spike and ripper being confusing nemeses who sometimes drunkenly make out (jenny thinks this is very funny).

[btvs] sick day (3,097 words) written because someone should take care of giles, damnit! probably not jenny, tho. she’s not the best at it. lucky for her giles loves her so much.

[btvs] simpatico (10,096 words) sister fic to the grieving process! set circa btvs season six! jenny is connor’s awkward aunt! giles is a repressed disaster who’s still pining but refuses to admit it!

[btvs] honesty’s the best policy (3,830 words) that one where giles and buffy are hit with a Truth Spell that means they say exactly what they’re thinking. is that all that bad for buffy? not too much. is it a little iffy when you’re a repressed watcher man who still haven’t told your girlfriend how much you love her? uh.

[btvs comics] i router, you giles (1,111 words) GOD this was written BEFORE i knew that giles and jenny were dating in the reboot comics and isn’t that a concept? a snarky-cute first meeting! ok not really that cute bc they just yell at each other a lot! but definitely snarky!

[btvs] transitional (3,152 words) good golly this is cute and i honestly forgot that i wrote it. which makes sense, bc there is a lot of stuff on this list. set in between season one and season two, in an attempt to bridge the giles/jenny gap between “awkwardly friendly coworkers” and “oh my god i think i like you”

[btvs] across the pond (5,323 words) FUN FACT this got nominated for a headline award and i’m SO PROUD OF THAT?! epistolary fic! giles leaves for england in s6 but without his wife! his wife is very mad and writes him VERY MANY LETTERS TO YELL AT HIM! perfect for those people who sometimes think “god, i wish jenny had been in s6 to yell at giles.”

[btvs] very really married (66,987 words) giles and jenny got drunk-married in las vegas and are keeping the marriage going so they don’t look like terrible authority figures. giles does not want buffy to know about his fake wife. giles does not want his fake wife to know about his real slayer. giles has a lot of problems and it doesn’t help that he might be catching feelings. big mess.

[btvs] bad dreams (2,267 words) GILES/JENNY/ANYA IS BEST SHIP NEXT QUESTION

[btvs comics] an open mic enthusiast (2,250 words) yet another giles/jenny comic-reboot meet-cute written before i knew they were dating!!! this time: jenny gets to see giles playing guitar. repeatedly. because she keeps going back to watch him at the open mic.

[btvs comics] blindsided (2,024 words) my first (and definitely not last) giles/anya fic! a shorter version of a plot bunny i hope to chase down in 2020 (ahaha did i say that WHOOPS)

[btvs] uncharted (16,469 words) my jenny calendar day fic! also known as “jenny calendar has a guilt complex: a novella.” no prophecy dream outs jenny to the group -- but she tells them anyway. and blames herself. and breaks up with giles while she’s trying to Fix Things. absolute mess. (thank god there’s a happy ending, right?)

[btvs] on the mending of hearts (9,236 words) that giles/anya fic where giles shows up at anya’s failed wedding and sweeps her off her feet and they have sex in his hotel room! except uhhh there’s a lot more drama and crying and anya really just needs some cuddles, tbh.

[btvs] extracurricular activities (1,003 words) straight up this one BARELY counts as a 2019 fic. i wrote it back in 2016 and forgot about it and found it on my hard drive and wrote an ending to it. it’s tiny, but it’s cute! lots of early-relationship calendiles fluff, as is My Brand.

[btvs] cookie dough and boy talk (a remix) (3,976 words) dawn, but in the ripper au! she’s a precocious little bab and ripper babysits her and gets semi-adopted by joyce. it’s a thing.

[btvs] a history lesson (698 words) a brief ripper au interlude between jenny and dru. dru tries to point out that jenny and ripper are in love. jenny very unconvincingly denies it.

[btvs] faith, hope, and pancakes (3,236 words) ripper au, now with faith! and she gets to hang with college-age jenny! who is dating her idiot boyfriend ripper! the Most Fun of times.

[btvs] compromises (750 words) this....was supposed to be a three-sentence prompt but I Can’t Do That. giles and jenny discuss (read: jenny yells at giles about) giles attempting to attack angel on sight.

[btvs] valentine buzz (3,422 words) i wrote this in may lmao but i just REALLY WANTED to write fluffy braveryverse valentine’s day nonsense!!! lots of cuddles and kisses and softness abound in this fic.

[btvs] days in goodness spent (5,893 words) this fic's point was a little more abstract and a little less blunt than most of the rest of these, but i wanted to explore the concept of giles slowly going from idealizing jenny to genuinely loving her. i hope i did it justice.

[btvs] to have and to hold (7,861 words) giles and jenny get married in the braveryverse. that’s really all there is. also i posted this on my birthday (may 23rd) AND it is the 23rd fic on this list!!!! WILD!!!!!)

[btvs] saw her in the streetlight, making all the world bright (5,738 words) took me like a year and a half to write the first fic in the ripper au, lmao. in which jenny is a snarky eighteen-year-old, ripper is a snarky college dropout in a band, and neither of them are at ALL good at communicating. especially not ripper.

[btvs] perfect (1,465 words) ripper au: it’s revealed that jenny hasn’t had sex before. ripper handles this with his characteristic maturity and grace (just kidding lmao he FREAKS. but it’s bc he loves her.)

[btvs] respite (1,106 words) i wrote this after issue 5 of the reboot dropped bc i was very emotional about canon power couple giles and jenny. in retrospect, i gave giles’s emotional maturity WAY too much credit--esp. given what’s going on now--but it was still fun as heck to write.

[btvs] shouldn’t we be getting together (3,193 words) this fic’s existence is a combo of me reading a summer camp ya novel and liking the Aesthetic but not the Culture & me talking endlessly w/ @jackalopingintothevoid about ripper and jenny’s teenage dynamic. so many of these fics have her galaxy brain takes woven in and i KNOW she knows that. lov u, jack.

[btvs] fragmented (6,158 words) written because of that one time my brain was like “but what if jenny WAS haunting the school?” happy ending because it’s me and g/j deserve some kisses.

[btvs/hp crossover] buffy summers, muggle-born (22,070 words) i CAME BACK TO THIS in 2019 and wrote a few chapters and DROPPED IT LIKE A HOT POTATO. hopefully 2020 will bring me the courage to pick it up again!!!!!! who DOESN’T want a carelessly-mashed-together crossover where the scoobies and the golden trio are all going to hogwarts together for some reason????

[btvs] in bloom (8,452 words) this was SUPPOSED to be the end of the jenny-anya-tara trilogy. it was not. (more on that later.) this was also supposed to be a fic where giles and jenny get together. jenny and anya got together. writing things is wild sometimes.

[btvs] i still want to be your girl (35,165 words) straight up i am so proud of this fic! s7 au: jenny was chased out of town by angelus. giles does not know this. jenny has been working with angel in la, but left with faith to try and help defeat the first. giles is not the guy she remembers. (but jenny’s not exactly the lady giles remembers, either. so maybe things might work out.)

[btvs/leverage crossover] what’s in a name (4,421 words) sophie’s & jenny’s relationship to their names & identities always so totally fascinated me! this fic was my way of exploring that. (also i got to give giles and jenny a toddler. that was fun too.)

[btvs comics] live a little (6,700 words) i had so much fun coming up with a backstory for giles and jenny in the comics that i am kinda tempted to eventually try and do it again. this one was fun to write, tho.

[btvs] kind of like hydrogen peroxide (7,501 words) THIS was FUN. ripper au, but it explores both jenny’s longing for High School Normalcy AND ripper’s fucked-up relationship to magic. also senior prom is a thing.

[btvs] mending fences (6,093 words) sequel to the aforementioned epistolary fic! lots of first-person self-loathing from giles, but also a LOT of love for jenny and his kids. also the man really truly needs to stop repressing.

[btvs] her father’s daughter (1,982 words) 2020 will bring us another chapter of this fic i swear to GOD. literally there’s only one chapter up so i cannot even TALK about my plans for it but uhhh if you want giles and jenny and their three daughters pls feel free to go to that prologue and check it out.

[btvs] a thousand different ways we fell apart (4,888 words) the au fic to encompass all au fics! inspired by the comic reboot and me being like. christ. do they go through this ridiculous shit in EVERY universe? ....and then i wrote a fic where jenny was a space traveler looking through multiple universe to try and fix her marriage with giles. extra fun.

[btvs] no such roses (4,814 words) this one turned out a TINY bit rushed, but the concept of jenny bringing giles back from the dead is always something that i love exploring. i might come back and rewrite this, someday.

[btvs comics] no perfect choice (4,801 words) OOF. wrote this one after issue 8 dropped. a lot softer and more tender than what actually happened, tbh. maybe i will reread it again to make myself feel better about comic calendiles and their brutal split.

[btvs] family (3,545 words) wrote this one p early in the year and came up with an ending to it much later! ripper au: the story of how xander came to live with giles and leave his parents. angst-with-a-happy-ending abounds.

[btvs] a california january (2,206 words) jenny and giles attend a funeral together. that’s pretty much it. this is defs one of the best things i wrote this year, tho.

[btvs] how i survived my summer vacation (volume two) (25,027 words) swear to god this is gonna be the next thing i update. the braveryverse NEEDS to continue. it’s got married calendiles, for god’s sake.

[btvs] clear and impartial judgment (3,977 words) that fic i wrote when i got mad at a lack of resolution wrt helpless. like!!! giles drugged buffy!!! do we not get to talk about the psychological ramifications that would have on her???? (well. canon doesn’t. but i do.)

[btvs] sunshine ladies (10,188 words) THIS FIC WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN and i say that with incandescent love in my heart. i intended for the ‘verse to be giles/jenny, and then i intended it to be jenny/anya, and then i was like....jenny has two goddamn hands, and there’s foreshadowing here for endgame giles/jenny, and i wanna write some giles/anya. let’s fuckin go. (DEFINITELY writing another installment in 2020 about this iconic ot3 of mine.)

[btvs] spirit-touched (4,769 words) the first smut i write and it’s calendiles ghost sex. i really think this is on brand for me, esp. considering that swath of asks in 2016ish where everyone wanted to know if ghosts could jack off. incredible.

[btvs] dear friend (28,865 words) this fic had such a rushed ending :( it’s a cute premise (you’ve got mail giles/jenny au!!!!!), but i lost interest halfway through, and as a writer i can rlly see that when i read it. another thing i might like to go back and rewrite at some point, tbh!

[btvs] familiar (2,034 words) AUGH i am SO proud of this fic. SO SO PROUD. it’s a concept i really can’t explain and the little twist at the end is something i really really like, so...just read it.

[miss fisher’s murder mysteries] unbearable (5,670 words) i need to write more mfmm in 2020 but the amount of good fic out there is deeply intimidating/delightful. this one was my little “what if it was phryne who thought jack was dead” and tbqh i had a lot of fun with it? bc pining phryne (who makes brief but extremely poignant appearances throughout the series) is an awkwardly, heart-meltingly sincere lady.

[ace attorney] man’s duty to society (544 words) wrote this as my first foray into aa fic while getting emo about miles edgeworth. would absolutely still die for that man.

[ace attorney] fancy running into you (5,887 words) lots of schmoopy narumitsu fluff! gregory edgeworth is alive! miles is trauma-free! phoenix is an artist! just!!! goodness!!!!!!!

[ace attorney] big sister (2,741 words) set in the same gregory-edgeworth-is-alive ‘verse: babey franziska comes to live with miles and his dad. she is a little impossible but miles kinda does love her.

[ace attorney] prince charming edgeworth and his incredible tux (8,042 words) this fic came from me being like “i want to write phoenix swooning over miles in a tuxedo and being like HE LOOKS LIKE A DISNEY PRINCE” and spiraled into something much longer!

[ace attorney] fate, choice, and everything in between (4,384 words) SOULMATE AU. nothing i love more than deconstructing soulmate aus. but like. in a romantic way. also phoenix and miles ARE soulmates and that is JUST facts.

Favorite Fic: I WROTE SO MUCH STUFF THO LIKE !?!??! how can one expect me to distill it to just one fic? i’ll make it my top threeL

a california january (I AM SO PROUD OF THIS FIC. it is soft and angsty and silly and devastating and tender. all the calendiles feels.)

i still want to be your girl (same mood!!! i’ve wanted to write this fic for literal years, and it’s one of those rare occasions where the picture in my head actually turned out BETTER when written out!)

sunshine ladies (this is like my giles/jenny/anya ship manifesto and it still makes me happy to think about them all co-running the magic box together and smooching a lot.)

Hardest Fic: OOF uh i went through a rocky period of writing when transitioning into college? no such roses and dear friend were hit the hardest by my insecurity & my desire to Finish Things rather than actually spend time on the craft. but i’m much more settled in now and my writing is DEFINITELY in an upward swing (as my newest fic -- as day follows night -- attests to quite nicely, imo)

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020? always always yes! (i’m bad at following through with them, but am ALWAYS accepting them.)

What was the best thing about 2019? there were almost too many good things to COUNT, but i think all of them were made possible by me working extremely hard to get myself the FUCK out of my abusive parents’ house and into my first choice college!! i’m thriving, y’all.

What was the worst thing about 2019? realizing that both of my parents are fundamentally terrible people. that part kinda sucked.

Any last thoughts for 2019? i finally understand what it’s like to fall asleep feeling safe, and to notice the way the leaves change color, and to get excited about self-indulgent things like food and cuddly stuffed animals and my own fic and art. 2019 brought a lot of happiness into my life, and oh yeah also i’m in love! lots of cool stuff going on.

Goals for 2020

finish the latest braveryverse installment!

MORE ART JUST IN GENERAL. i love drawing, but there’s not a lot of free time for artsy celia when they prioritize writing so often!

write one of the many incredible longfic ideas that’s floating around in my head. it’s honestly probably only like two or three big ones, but at least DECIDE which one i’m gonna focus my energy on.

more giles/anya this year!

more giles/jenny/anya this year!

diversify! still gonna be writing about jenny forever, but like. it might be fun to write about a few new things here and there.

maybe some more ace attorney fic? maybe even some mfmm fic again? phryne and jack are never far from my heart.

not tagging anyone bc this is....january. but if you wanna do it, feel free!

#fic #fic roundup #ngl i'm like really proud of this list #stayed up.....two hours....to complete it

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arcaneranger · 5 years

Text

Final Thoughts - Summer 2019

Hey, look who finished the season perfectly on time, even if he did so by dropping a bunch of stuff last minute! (Technically, as of writing, I haven’t finished Re:Stage Dream Days, but you can rest assured that it’s bad.)

I thought I was going to do a first impressions rundown video for the entire season at once, since my impression posts don’t tend to get a lot of engagement anyway, but since I didn’t end up going through with it, I’ll summarize my point - summer started strong, and even here at the end, I can easily say it’s the best season thus far in what’s largely been a letdown year for seasonal anime (and a god damn renaissance for long shows, thanks to My Hero Academia, so if I seem down on a season that had Dororo, or Vinland Saga, or Fruits Basket, remember that I exclude those shows from my considerations until the end of the year).

This season saw several high-profile continuations like A Certain Scientific Accelerator, Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon II, and Symphogear XV, but also new works by creators like Mari Okada, and anticipated adaptations of Astra: Lost in Space and Arifureta: From Commonplace to World’s Strongest, and in the end, well...a lot of those were mixed bags at best, but the biggest drawback I will remember Summer 2019 for is that it was drowning in bad isekai shows. The aforementioned Arifureta, the basically-counts Danmachi, and also Isekai Cheat Magician, Do You Love Your Mom and Her Two-Hit Multi-Target Attacks, The Lost Ones, Demon Lord Retry!...it just never ended, and that’s not even counting If It’s For My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord.

Speaking of all that stuff, let’s get right into it, yeah?

28 shows were simulcast this season, and of those, I…

Skipped 4:

Yami Shibai 7, Starmyu Season 3, A Certain Scientific Accelerator, and Lord El-Melloi II Case Files: Rail Zeppelin Grace Note were all skipped because I have not watched the previous series.

Dropped 15:

Worst of the Season: If It’s For My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord!

I dropped this after one episode because I found the aesthetic and tone to be aggressively boring and I found even the cute daugheroo character to be utterly generic in execution...and then later found out oh boy was I right to drop it, based on how many people compared it to the Bunny Drop manga that we don’t talk about. *shudders*

Arifureta: From Commonplace to World’s Strongest

Wins the “biggest tryhard” award for being just the most straightforward an SAO award gets, right up to being grimdark for dumb reasons. The first episode alone had inconsistent animation, and that just did not bode well for the future...and the plot instantly reminded me of Slime, which soured on me over time. I let this one go sour after one shot.

Demon Lord, Retry!

The blandest of beige this season, Demon Lord had neither the story nor the production values to reel me in or convince me it was anything but the Overlord wannabe it so clearly was.

Isekai Cheat Magician

This show was a pretty transparent attempt to have an isekai story with a childhood friend romance plot, and while I’m fine with one and a half of those things, it couldn’t execute them in any decent way by the end of the first episode, and just wound up being largely boring.

Wasteful Days of High School Girls

Speaking of boring, what if Nichijou wasn’t funny? You’d get something like this.

Do You Love Your Mom and Her Two-Hit Multi-Target Attacks?

So the tone this one ultimately ended up having was pretty much exactly what I expected after the premiere - it leaned too hard on jokes that weren’t as funny as it thought they were, and too hard on the dumb hentai mom trope, and neither of those things interested me in the slightest. Pretty okay with having left this off the watchlist.

The Ones Within

I have stated multiple times in the last few weeks that Symphogear is great because it can convince you that it’s a work of genius. The Ones Within has, unfortunately, convinced itself that it’s deep social commentary of some kind, rather than a bargain-bin Danganronpa with no real thought put into it.

Are You Lost?

I’m amazed that we got another Eromanga Sensei this season and it flew entirely under the radar. For God’s sake, the first episode featured a young teenage girl eating a bug and drinking her own urine. I just didn’t see myself being particularly entertained by the shock value longer than the premiere.

Ensemble Stars (4/10)

I can’t tell if this one is actually over, but Funimation’s site doesn’t list any new episode premieres coming up, so I’m gonna assume it is? I gave this one a shot and hung onto it because it took UtaPri’s premise and gave it the slightly more serious tone I was looking for, but dropped it after the second episode started to drown us in side characters with no hint that the floodgates were closing, rather than giving ample screentime to a select cast so they could actually become at least two-dimensional before throwing in more people we’re supposed to care about.

BEM

BEM suffered from an unfortunate lack of distinct personality, which sucks when it seems to have had a decent story to tell. Nothing else about the show wound up sticking out to me, though, which has me fully convinced that Production I.G.’s name is only on this to boost recognition, and the second-billed LandQ studios did the majority of the work. And their best-known other show is Swordgai. So...

To The Abandoned Sacred Beasts (5/10)

I have gotten absolutely no pushback so far for my decision to tear into this show because it should have been a different show, so I’m gonna take that as a general agreement of my earlier statement. What a waste of a concept.

Cop Craft (5/10)

This one I still think I was not crazy to pick up after the first episode, because it wasn’t until the third that the animation tanked hard and the pacing went absolutely nuts, and apparently stayed that way. Did they write a thirty-nine-episode story that had to be condensed into twelve or something?

Magical Sempai

This one I probably would have kept watching if the majority of its humor wasn’t just the title character embarrassing herself in lewd ways. It was funny, but I didn’t see myself enjoying anything more than one episode of it.

GRANBELM (6/10)

This one I got halfway through before realizing that, during my end-of-season catchup, I had absolutely no desire to return to. The plot didn’t really start moving until the fifth episode, and in that time I had not gotten particularly invested in the characters, especially since the show makes fun of the viewer for thinking that the big mecha dream battles actually had stakes beyond “you don’t get to be The Thing”. At least it looked nice and the mecha designs were very original.

Are you willing to fall in love with a pervert, as long as she’s a cutie?

There were four shows this season with questions for titles. Just saying! This one actually had me hooked right up until the end, revealing that not only is it a fanservice show, but a fetish pandering one. That being said, if I were attracted to women, I could have seen myself getting something out of it, what with the decently moody tone and good production values.

I put 2 On Hold:

Is It Wrong to Try To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon? II

I’ll probably come back to this when the third series comes around, just to give it one more chance to pull me back in, but ditching my favorite character for harem antics and character shilling just did not endear me to this long-awaited sequel.

Re:Stage Dream Days!!

This one’s not actually on hold, but I don’t have any other good place to mention it. This one I’m gonna make it through just on willpower, not because it’s good, but because it starts out as the most shameless rip-off I’ve ever seen in anime, specifically of Love Live!.

And I Finished 7:

Kochoki (5/10)

I thought I was gonna give this one a 7 at least, for nearly the whole season, for being a decently-told and somewhat new telling of Nobunaga’s early life with great production values for Studio Deen...right up until the structure fell completely apart at the end, almost completely out of nowhere. I’m still in awe of the gall this show had to literally skip over the final battle.

How Heavy Are The Dumbbells You Lift? (8/10)

This one came right the fuck out of nowhere and totally blew my expectations out of the way from the very first episode. Looking at the summary, I was convinced I was gonna drop this after the premiere...and found myself totally hooked by its cheery visual presentation and excellent sense of meta-comedy, not to mention its genuine educational value.

Astra: Lost In Space (8/10)

One of two adaptations I was really looking forward to this season (along with Fire Force), Astra was pretty much what I expected - a very good translation of a very good manga that ran for the perfect amount of time to be divided into twelve-ish episodes. A fantastic and memorable cast of characters enhanced a surprisingly twisty story, and Lerche made it all look just as good as I’d hoped.

The Demon Girl Next Door (8/10)

Speaking of defying my expectations, another show I was expecting pretty much nothing from, maybe one I could compare to Gabriel Dropout or something, that was instead an incredibly charming story of a girl trying to save her family by defeating a magical girl...with a very, very loose definition of the word “defeat” in play. I couldn’t have asked for much more from this one, aside from maybe a sequel?

Given (9/10)

Speaking of “Lerche” and “gorgeous”, this profoundly gripping story of a spacecase and a loner hesitantly making music together blossomed further and further as it went on, and became my new go-to reference point for explicit gay relationships in anime. It went where even Yuri On Ice!!! couldn’t, and left me desperate for a Part Two.

O Maidens In Your Savage Season (9/10)

My write up for this show was one of my longest in recent memory, and I stand by it - even if Okada had to write a few plot contrivances in to get where she’s going, at least she presented her cast in an incredibly thoughtful way and gave them a satisfying payoff, with the knowledge that they’re teenagers and all of their problems can’t be solved in one semester. The high water mark for discussions of sexuality in this medium.

BEST OF THE SEASON: Symphogear XV (9/10)

Anime is wonderful, and so am I.

So that wraps up summer! We’ve got a lot to look forward to in fall, even if My Hero Academia and Food Wars’ fourth series will both ultimately end up on a list in the distant future next year. Will Psycho-Pass 3 redeem the series? Will Azur Lane be better than Kantai Collection? Will Beastars beat Aggretsuko as the biggest furry panderer of the year? Only time will tell. And then I’ll tell you all what I think it said.

#summer 2019 anime #anime #symphogear #symphogear xv #o maidens in your savage season #astra lost in space #kanata no astra #given #the demon girl next door #machikado mazoku #how heavy are the dumbbells you lift?#dumbbell nan kilo moteru?

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somelonelywordmonger · 6 years

Text

I changed the topic in a stupid argument my parents, sister, and I were having. I changed the topic to something I've never told anyone else and I regret it. All I wanted was to stop arguing.

I began telling them about this "dream" I use to have as a kid. I wanted to be a genius. I wanted to have a PhD in everything. Every medical field, all the sciences, a historian of all kinds, English and Literature, even math which I dislike. I wanted to also have passed the bar exam and be a legal lawyer. I wanted to have joined the army and have that to my name.

~dad interrupts, in annoyed voice: Well what's stopping you? Then I cut in: JUST LISTEN.~

I wanted to be tall and beautiful. To be strong and able to do all types of hand to hand combat. My hair was perfect and my glasses were cool, my face was a whole different shape, the pretty shape that Emma Watson or Kristen Stewart have. My skin was even-toned and had no scars or imperfections. I had slender, long fingers and straight, white teeth. Everyone loved me, I had all of these friends. I had excelled through my school years. I had been the captain of every female varsity team, I was amazing at ballet and every other dance class that local dance schools teach. I knew and could speak every language. I had this laugh that just lit up the room, heck, I lit up the room. I was the perfect Christian, I went to every church service, was in the choir, was in the church groups, went to the Wednesday evening service, read the Bible and could cite every part of it. I knew how to play every instrument but preferred percussion. I won Oscar's and Golden Globes. My novel series was finished and published. It was made into a movie series and everyone loved it and me. I was on talk shows. I had all of these pets and this beautiful home. A massive library, indoor pool/hot tub, a bar, grand piano. I was a master at every video game. And then I was an even better mother. A single mom with two boys. I raised them in my image and they were perfect like me and achieved all that they wanted. I gave them the discipline I never had, but secretly craved and they turned out better for it. I had perfect boys raised on God's image and we were happy.

But now I realize how impossible it is.

~Mom says: yeah that is impossible...there are no perfect Christians.~

~I respond, hurt: That's what you got from that?!~

~Dad cuts in: Okay ENOUGH stop talking!~

~Sister follows up: OKAY, IDA, SHUT THE FUCK UP!~

~Then my mind wavers to the handle on the car door attached to the moving car, and it takes all of my effort not to open it and throw myself out of the car.~

~Angered from the response I got, the fact that they triggered the thoughts of dying again, I respond: NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY DREAM AS A KID. WHAT I WANTED TO BE. MOST KIDS SAY THEY WANT TO BE A PRINCESS, BUT I WANTED TO BE SMART AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING. BUT YOU HAD TO BE DICKS!~

I thought mom would be all like "wow, Ida, that is such a cool dream. I totally get where you are coming from. And it is possible to achieve some of that, honey. You can pick what you want from that and achieve it." But instead she only agrees with me and focuses on the part that either shocked her or hit home for her as she was a pastor and I started off going to church every Sunday.

I expected my dad to not have much to say in his own way but to think and wonder about his daughter's high expectations dream.

My sister is the only one who didn't shock me. The whole day she has treated me rudely. And has been mad at me for reasons I know not. I figured she'd either say nothing or shout something with the word "fuck" in it. Nowadays she tends to be a very angry person around me.

I'm a 20 year old woman weighing in at 282lbs and coming up to 5 feet tall. My hands are the smallest in the family and pudgy. My face is round and fat. My skin is scarred all over, uneven in areas, once a beautiful tan on my otherwise white self. I loved God, still do. He was my only friend for the longest time. I was never able to connect with my peers. Still have trouble connecting with people. But I met a wonderful person at a local dance company and we did hip hop together and became BFFs. Still going strong today. I have depression and anxiety. Moments at least once a day that one therapist said are dissociative and the rest of my therapists from then on don't seem to talk about. I'm smart and have cool glasses, but my novel is unfinished and the rest of the series only lies in my brain and heart. I don't take care of myself well, I hardly function. I'm decent at video games and that's basically all this community college dropout does. I've been volunteering at a local cat shelter since August 2018 and have made some efforts to get better. But the weight of my mental illness is so strong that I fall back down. I'm doing this alone. I'm fighting my anxiety, paranoia, weird dissociative "daydreams", depression, and crippling self-doubt alone. All I have is the medicine. My therapist that I loved and trusted seemed to only want to focus on my college goals and let me down in November 2018. Since then I haven't gone back to see her, my trust broken. Not a day goes by where death isn't on my brain. I look for jobs and then think "oh I can't do that!" And so I put myself down. I'm aware of my shit, but I am so stuck that I can't seem to progress anywhere.

I'm sharing this to vent. I'm sharing this to raise awareness about how you respond to people, matters. I'm sharing this to be heard, to know that I am not the only one. You can share this too. In fact, my younger self and even my sad current self would love the fame. Thank you, and God Bless you all. 💜

#mental health #depression #anxiety #vent #self doubt #childhood dreams #drama #family dispute #awareness #suicide tw

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 6 years

Note

Even numbers. Fuck you 💙

:’) 🖕💙

Under the cut… oh my god… lord give me strength… if any of y’all wanna get to know me… read this monster X’D

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I think a bit of both?? I’m the type of person who’d willingly get lost in a strange city but also suddenly develop a stutter when I try to communicate with my fellow humans. :)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

lmao no.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind ones. Who can tolerate me.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

An ex friend/abuser atm. :))))

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

What qualifies as deep?? I guess, my Dad?? Maybe??

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Dodie Clark - Monster

Easy Life - Pockets

Lorde - Buzzcut Season

Zack Hemsey - The Way

Fits and the Tantrums - Roll Up

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah, I think so?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I kissed my Mum on the top of her head. So, yes. XD

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

That would be Jesse. So, yes. Hope he doesn’t find this blog yikes. X’D

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yes on one side. No on the other side.

22. Where would you like to travel?

America firstly. Then all over the place to visit other friends. I promised my Mum I’d take her to San Francisco one day, so I gotta keep that promise.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

PETS :DDDDD

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Try my best not to murder anyone while I get my cup of tea liquid life ready. XD Say hi to doggos and beep babies. Check to see if any of my friends need me urgently. Then eat toast.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My pets. My parents. My friends.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I really don’t mind getting married or living in sin. XD It would depend entirely on what my partner wanted, I’d do whatever would make them happy.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

No one. Guess you could say I’m demisexual.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Does horseback riding count?? I’ve dabbled in a bit of cricket. But my lungs don’t like intensive exercising, especially cardio stuff.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Story of my life, every single time. I’ve never told anyone I liked them. I’d rather die than make them feel bad or uncomfortable bc I know they don’t feel the same way.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

At the moment all I can think of is my crush lmao. :’)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Absolutely nothing bc I’m a dropout. XD Be a completely self-taught author, hopefully.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Online, I’m probably just really tired and don’t have the energy to be upbeat and/or talk to people. In real life, it’s nothing abnormal; I hate my voice so I don’t talk much and I like quiet. If I’m not using a bunch of emojis (you know how I normally do) when I’m talking, you know I’m either being super serious, or I’m pissed off, or both.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

NEITHER YIKES I LIKE MY SOLID EARTH THANK U VERY MUCH

46. What are you paranoid about?

Being annoying.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope. Not really planning on it, either. I’m kind of curious as to how I’d be, though. Like I have deep-rooted buried anger issues so I might be angry, but I’m also depressed so I might be a puddle of tears and sadness, BUT my personality is v energetic and happy so… who knows, dude. X’D

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Blue and grey. It has “yo” on the hood. :D

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Biologically male. please.

54. Favourite store?

?? don’t have one.

56. Favourite colour?

Navy or a kind of dark aqua-navy kind of colour, like a bit of a green tinge as well? I’m also really fond of yellow too.

58. Last thing you ate?

LEFTOVER HAMBURGER AND IT WAS DELICIOUS I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED HAMBURGERS!!!!!!1!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah, dog training competition with our German Shepherd when I was 11.

62. Been arrested? For what?

No yet lmao.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I’ll be sure to tell you about it when it happens. XD

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t have any irl friends so… HELL YEAH!!

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr. Obviously.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

I could literally just list all my Tumblr friends here. I’ve learnt not to get specifically close to any one or two persons. So… all my beans!!! Love you!!

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue! :D I was forced to use the pink towels in the set when I was little and not out as trans so now I surround myself in all the gendered blue bullshit X’D

74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

….. maaayyyybbbeee.

76. Favourite animal?

D O G

78:Chocolate or Vanilla?

Neither.

80. What colour shirt are you wearing?

It’s my very yellow button down!! :D

82. Favourite tv show?

S E N S E 8

84. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen either oops.

86. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

88. First person you talked to today?

Enna aka Cinnamonpuff aka steverogershield

90. Name a person you hate?

My brother, Mackenzie. :)

92. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Anyone who mistreats animals.

94.How many sweatpants do you have?

I rarely wear anything but sweatpants, so I have 8. THEY’RE COMFY OKAY. And since it’s usually cold or hot here with no real warm in between, I’m either wearing shorts or sweatpants. It’s only in the rare in-between weather (like now) that I wear my jeans.

96. Last movie you watched?

Can’t remember. I watched the first season of Jessica Jones tho, so… show instead of movie. XD

98.Favourite actor?

TERRY CREWS

100. Have any pets?

YES!!! 3 dogs (one German Shepherd named Ria, a Whippet named Granger, and a mutt named Maude), 3 chickens (Haymitch the black one, Cinna the dark brown one, Effie the pale brown one) and 2 ducks (Peeta and Katniss.) THEY’RE MY BABIES AND I’D DIE FOR THEM!!! :’D

102. Do you type fast?

LMAO APPARENTLY I DO??? My Dad thinks I must type gibberish and makes me type out what he says because he doesn’t think I can type that fast. I only type with 2 fingers normally too. X’D

104. Can you spell well?

w e l l (idk. maybe.)

106. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yup.

108. Have you ever been on a horse?

Many times. I LOVE them SO MUCH.

110. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah.

112. Do you have trust issues?

No. *insert canned audience laughter here* Yes, I do. Big time. Just bc I’m friendly doesn’t mean I trust anyone.

114. What was your childhood nickname?

Matt, actually!! :D

116. Do you play the Wii?

Used to, now I don’t have one anymore and it wasn’t my favourite console.

118.Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Y E S. GIMME!!!!!! :D

120.Favourite book?

Bird by Crystal Chan.

122.Are you mean?

I think I definitely can be very cutting when I lose my temper. But I haven’t done that in years now and I try very hard to be a good person. Luckily my first reaction is normally hurt, so by the time the anger kicks in I normally try and get out of the situation before I can say something harsh.

124.Can you keep white shoes clean?

NOPE. I can never keep anything clean, probably why I like dark colours so much. I literally do not own any white clothes anymore because they always get stained within a few hours of me wearing them asdfghjkl. 😅

126.Do you believe in true love?

Kind of. I believe that no relationship is ever perfect, but if people gel well and COMMUNICATE OFTEN AND HONESTLY the relationship can be amazing. I guess it’s its own kind of perfect relationship. I definitely think there’s people you get along brilliantly with, better than anyone else. There’s somebody in the world for everyone! :D

128.What makes you happy?

Animals. My friends. My OCs. :’)

130.What your zodiac sign?

Pisces!! I definitely think I’ve grown into it over time. X’D

132. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

??? depends on whether I like them back or not, obviously. If I do, I’ll probably scream for a solid week and then decide if I want to drag them into my mountain of bullshit with a relationship, or leave it be. If I don’t, let them down as gently as I can. Also I’m a raging bi, so gender wouldn’t matter. :P

134.Favourite lyrics right now?

My all-time favourite lyrics are from The Judge by Twenty one Pilots:

“When the leader of the bad guys sangSomething soft and soaked in painI heard the echo from his secret hideawayHe must’ve forgot to close his doorAs he cranked out those dismal chordsAnd his four walls declared him insane”

136.Dumbest lie you ever told?

“Did you let Haymitch jump on your back again?”

“Uh… noooo.”

“Then why do you have massive scratches in the clear shape of chicken feet on your back?”

“UHHHHHH-”

i”M A HUFFLEPUFF OKAY I’M NOT GOOD AT LYING X’D

128.How tall are you?

I’m not.

140.Brunette or Blonde?

Like, people I’m attracted to, or for me? I honestly don’t care attraction wise. For me, I guess brunette bc I think I look really weird with pale hair lmao.

142.Night or Day?

NIGHT. Dear god, night.

144.Are you a vegetarian?

NOPE. Honestly think I’d go insane if I didn’t eat meat. XD I mean, I would if I had to, but I’d really prefer not to.

146.Tea or Coffee?

TEA. I hate coffee, I’ll leave that to other people. XD

148.Mars or Snickers?

SNICKERS. Mars are good but… Snickers!!!!

150. Do you believe in ghosts?

Hell fucking yes you bet I do pal!!!!!!

#I love you so much #you asshole #X'D #<3 #BUDDY :D #asks #Matt speaks #about me #get to know me #yike #alex--blue #thank youuu

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lukamoonvibe · 7 years

Text

Please Don’t Bite

Everyone has their own colour.

Some variant of the rainbow.

For Brendon, this colour was pearly white.

For Ryan, a fiery red-yellow.

But Brendon was never to see the tears of Ryan.

For their paths never did cross in this story.

And what a sad story it must be.

August 30 2004

It had been weeks even months since I moved here and I still couldn’t find a permanent job. Because nobody wants a highschool dropout as an employee, it makes their business look cheap.

Like, ‘Oh hey, I hear you’ve hired some new people. Oh one of them is a dropout, everybody they only hire dropouts.’

It’s so stupid.

As I walk down the dreary gray streets of downtown New York, a poster caught my eye.

Members needed!

Looking for:

-Guitarist

-Pianist/Keyboard Player

-Backing Vocalist

Please contact the number below if interested.

I quickly took one of the number slips and pocketed it and kept on walking.

I got to the apartment I was currently sharing with an old friend of mine.

Though they weren't home for another hour.

I sat on the lounge, looking around, a glass on the bench catching my eye.

Crystal was usually a very thorough, she never left anything out when she left for work.

“Oh, hey Bren.” her voice sounded from the hallway exit.

I glance over at her, her cheeks were stained with blue trails, the blue only just darker than the day sky.

“What's up Cry?” I ask, patting a spot on the lounge next to me.

She smiled and walked over, sitting next to me.

“They fired me. I lost my job. ‘Leesha dumped me too.” she said.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me.

“Don’t cry over things like losing jobs, if they fired you then your talents were wasted their and they need to get better taste in music.” I say, “And Aleesha was always shady to me anyway. I think that it’s good that she left. She made herself the bad guy and cut you off. But she was toxic and those type of people need to be cut out of people’s lives.”

“So people like you?” she questioned.

I laughed, “Very funny Cry. No, I’ve always been there for you, even if I couldn’t be there physically. You had my number to call.” I say.

“I'm surprised you didn't leave sooner. Your parents are lovely people, but my God were they strict.” she says, pulling away from me and standing up.

I shrugged, “Hey, I found this thing, you may like it too. They're looking for people for their band. Here's the number.” I say, fishing the small piece of paper out of my pocket and holding it.

Crystal plucked the piece of paper out from between my fingers, “Thanks so much Bren. I'll tell you more information when I get it.” she said.

I shook my head, “No, you take this one. You need it more than me, I'm sure I can find another one.” I say, doubting my words but not letting her see.

She bent down and awkwardly wrapped her arms around me, “Thanks Bren. You're the best.” she said, all traces of her being sad, disappearing from her voice.

I smiled, “Go and call them.” I say, knowing that I’m giving away my only chance at having a shot, but if she was happy, then everything would be fine.

She nodded, quickly rushing off.

I stood up, heading to my room, I opened the small closet and pulled out my guitar.

One of the main reason I left was because I was kicked out, my parents didn’t agree with me wanting to pursue my career in music, my passion and dream. I actually didn’t drop out of high-school, I finished it a year early, I was ahead, but they assumed I dropped out to pursue my dream, so I let them think that.

Another reason for my departure was completely my own, I would’ve left even if my parents didn’t kick me out and supported my dream. But I knew for sure that they wouldn’t support my decision that I liked boys and girls. They were very accepting of other people’s choices to do so, but didn’t like that fact if a family member did.

I left and I’ll never tell Crystal the exact reason.

I start to strum my guitar, just absent chords, mumbling lyrics to myself.

I don’t really like playing when Crystal is home because she’s usually tired and I don’t like to disturb her.

I remember a few weeks ago, mum finally decided to reach out to me, I know that she wanted me to stay, she wasn’t completely on board with the whole music scene, but she would’ve kept her opinion to herself so that I’d stay just that while longer. She also knew I was already graduated.

The phone call didn’t go so well, I can recall some of things she said when we fought.

“She said that I’d found a place where the grass was greener,

I jumped a fence to get to this side.

She asked whether it was good and if they would give a world that

She could never provide.

I am proud of this decision

It’s all I want and more

I am free from the tedious life I lived in before.

I left with tear stained cheeks

A weary heart

They say that everything will be fine

But where will I start?

Fragments of my heart are gone

Fragments of my old home

Fragments for the people the people that mourn

Brother and sisters think that my soul now roams

Fragments, people, dreams and hope.

Fragments of a life before

Fragments will not help me cope

Before it was open, the trustful door.

Dreams are dead.

All hope gone.

And now it’s just me in my head.

My emotions stone.

Why did I ever leave my home?” I sighed, putting the guitar down.

“Bren, are you okay?” Crystal asked from the doorway.

I looked at her, nodding, “I’m fine. I’m sorry did I interrupt your phone call?” I asked, noticing the phone in her hand.

“Not at all, Vanessa actually asked me to ask you to come with me tomorrow.” she said, walking over, moving the neck of the guitar, and sitting down.

“Vanessa. As in Nessa Black?” I asked.

Crystal nodded their head, “Small world huh? Turns out that they, along with their little sister Chelsea and my old best friend Jazzy. They’re just looking for some quick tie overs so they can for their demos done.” she explained.

“Okay. So the band is made of Nessa Black, Chel Black, Jazzy Opal. What’s their name? The band.” I ask.

“F.A.N - Falling at Night. I think it’s funny, they’re a band to rival MCR. Not that they’ve gotten as far yet. But hopefully we can help that right?” She says.

I don’t know who she’s talking about, but I nod in agreement anyway.

“Okay. I’m going to go make dinner.” she said, getting up and leaving.

I roll my eyes, this won’t end well.

~The Next Day~

“You managed to cook without blowing up the apartment which was a good thing.

I had no luck in finding a backup plan for after failing with F.A.N, a bad thing.

There was this cute boy the corner store, he’s new, very nervous. It’s adorable.” I say as we drive over to Nessa’s house.

“Awe. You have a crush on a corner store employee. That’s precious Bren.” Crystal said as we pulled up out the front of the house.

I felt my cheeks heat up, “No I don’t, I said his actions were cute. That doesn’t equal a crush.” I say, undoing my belt and hopping out, grabbing my guitar.

She giggled, “Okay fine. C’mon, they said just knock and Elle will like us in.” she said, pulling me along with her.

We got to the door and I had second thoughts.

I was about to walk away when the door opened, revealing a girl, maybe my age with sandy coloured, wavy hair that sat just pass her shoulders and blue eyes, the colour popping due to the amount for makeup she had around them, I assumed this was Elle.

“Hello Crystal.” she said, turning to me, eyeing me up and down.

I tried to hide behind my guitar, Crystal noticing my actions, cleared her throat.

“Elle right. Yeah, where are the others?” she asked.

“They’re downstairs, with Dal. I think they’re setting up or something. I’ll show you.” she said, letting us in and showing us the way.

She opened the door for us and let Crystal go but stopped me.

“Sorry about earlier, Brendon right? You’d be my type, if I didn’t like girls. I just have to make it look good in front of my parents who have cameras everywhere for some reason. Anyway, you know Mormon parents, happy for others but not theirs and all.” she said.

I nodded, “It’s fine. Elle? Anyway, thanks for showing us the way and I am really flattered that I am your type of guy.” I say.

She laughed, “Move on. I’m taken.” she stated, walking away.

I chuckled to myself before joining the group down in the basement.

“Hey Bren. Welcome.” Nessa said with a smile.

I felt more relaxed, waving my hand sightly.

“Hey Ness, Jaz, Chel. Can we start.” an unfamiliar-ish voice asked.

Nessa and I turned to face the person.

“Awe. Come on Dal, come and say hi to Crystal and Brendon, I know you guys haven’t met yet.” Nessa said.

The other boy, ‘Dal’ shook his head, staying by the technical stuff, looking at the floor.

I glanced at him, trying to get a closer look at his face. Then it hit me and I smiled a little.

“Bren, are you paying attention to Nessa is saying?” Crystal asked, nudging me, breaking my out of my daze state.

I nodded, lying. “I think I’m going to sit out of this though. If I remember correctly from all of the times that you all had the music room at school, Jazzy is a fine enough guitar player and I know that you don’t need a drummer because you use the drum machines. Just ask me when you need Piano parts. I can do those.” I say, hugging my guitar to my chest tighter, going and sitting near the edge of the room.

The girls shrugged, “Count me in Dal.” Chelsea called, tapping her foot on the floor.

After an hour they decided to take a break, going to get drinks, leaving just Dal and I alone.

“Fuck them.” I looked up, glancing over at him.

He was biting his lip, a light red hue across his face, “Are you okay?” I asked, standing up and leaning my guitar against the wall, walking over.

“Yeah. I uh. I’m fine.” he said, focusing on the soundboard.

“These are so cool, I’ve always wanted to know how to use one of these.” I say, partially lying.

His eyes lit up like a kid during christmas, “Well it’s quite simple actually.” he said, starting to show me the basics.

I concentrated as hard as i could, but lost interest in his words quickly, staring at him instead of what he was pointing at.

Until I decided I had heard enough, I decided to shut him up.

I pulled him down towards me, colliding our lip.

He was shocked, almost petrified for the first few seconds and I felt my heart drop.

Straight. Straight. Straight. My brain repeated over and over again.

But then he started to kiss back and I relaxed, pulling away.

“Sorry.” I mumbled, looking at the floor.

He laughed, lifting my head with two fingers under my chin and connected our lips again.

We both pulled away and I smile.

“Fuck.” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“I uh. Fuck. My parents are going disown me for-”

“Being what? Gay? If they love you enough, they won’t.” I say, lying through my teeth.

“No. No they won’t. Mormons,happy-”

“for everyone’s opinions on themselves but once it’s their child they hate it. Yeah, I know.” I say, finishing his sentence for him.

He looked at me, “How would you know?” he asked.

“It’s one of the reasons that I live in New York with Crystal. Partially got kicked out for my love of music, partially left because I knew they wouldn’t support me anyway. My parents are Mormons.” I say, shaking my head and walking back over to where my guitar was sitting.

I picked it up and started to strum the chords of a familiar song, but maybe that was just to me.

“Duh duh duhduhduh.” Dal harmonized with the tune I was playing.

I stopped, “You know the song?” I asked, shocked.

He laughed, “What good musician doesn’t know at least one Sinatra song?” he questioned, walking over to the bass and picking it up, sitting on the stool.

“Start playing again.” he said, turning the equipment on.

I nodded and started playing the tuned again.

I was a little surprised when he started to play the base in time.

We went through the pattern a few times before I decided to do something I hadn’t done in front of Many people.

“Start spreadin the news

I’m leaving today.

I want to be a part of it,

New York, New York.” I sing with a smile.

“These vagabond shoes

Are longing to stray.

Right through the very heart of it,

New York, New York.” he replied to my verse.

“I wanna wake up in a city that doesn’t sleep.

And find I’m king of the hill - top of the heap.” we sang together and stopped, looking at each other, cracking a smile.

“You two sound good together. You guys could go far.” someone said from the stairs.

I turned to face them.

“Jesus Elle, you scared the shit out of me. Wait, how long have you been there?” Dal asked.

Elle laughed, “I won’t tell. I Promise.” she said.

“But seriously, you guys would get twice as far as them.” she said, pointing over her shoulder.

“You think so?” Dal asked, putting the bass back.

She nodded, “Definitely. If you worked together a little more though. Just a few things need to be tweaked. But good luck. I was looking for Chelsea. But she’s obviously not down here.” she said, heading back up the stairs.

“Oh and Elle.” I say and she turns back to face me.

“She’s a good one.” I say, winking.

She shuckles and shakes her head, leaving Dal and I alone again.

“So what was that wink about?” Dal asked, moving closer to me.

I smirked, “Ask Elle yourself, I’m sure she’d be happy to share.” as he leans my shoulder.

“We can make it big?” he questioned.

“If we can make it, we’ll make it anywhere.” I say, as Dal lets out a weary yawn.

I smiled, “Rest. I’m sure the girls won’t be back for a while.” I say.

“Half an hour.” he says, closing his eyes.

I shook my head, “Until you wake.” I whispered, noticing orange trails down his cheeks.

I smiled to myself, leaning against his head and closing my eyes.

Such a warm associated colour, orange.

Our immortal souls combined.

To think it would be his tears colour, who knew?

For not I with the pearly coloured hue.

#brendon urie #dallon weekes

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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In Ten Years’ Time (Shalaska) - jazz

Summary: In which Sharon and Alaska attend their ten-year high school reunion together.

A/N: Showing the judges versatility by writing a lesbian AU and by trying out present tense! This fic goes out to my loves, Alaska del Needles & Dottie, and to @alaskasthighs for the inspiration. ~5k words.

“We have to go,” Alaska whines. She rests her chin on Sharon’s shoulder, pouting at her through thick lashes.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Sharon says, punctuating her response with a light kiss to Alaska’s forehead. “We could stay here, and watch Sons of Anarchy, and fuck.” Sharon thinks she’d prefer that, if she were being honest.

The kitchen’s flooded with pale sunlight, the kind that comes only at the end of long, hot day. Sharon’s doing the dishes, and it’s so painfully domestic, but she loves it: loves that Alaska saves vegetarian recipes for her on Pinterest, loves that Alaska hovers while Sharon cooks, rambling on about her coworkers, or the dreams she had the night before, or now, apparently, their upcoming high school reunion.

“But it’s a milestone, Shar. A milestone.”

“Since when is returning to that hellhole of a place after ten blissful years away cause for celebration?’”

“Hey, rude. It wasn’t all bad – it’s where you met me.” She slinks her slender arms around Sharon’s waist and allows herself a moment to reminisce: back to the English homework that Alaska would unfailingly complete for the both of them, the cigarettes Sharon used to sneak in between periods despite Alaska’s complaints, and the study halls spent making out in the heavy heat of the gym locker room.

“I just liked watching you run around in your cheerleading uniform,” Sharon smirks.

Sharon’s only half-kidding. No part of her feels the need to subject herself to the watchful gaze of stuck-up socialites, college dropouts, and obnoxious abusers of the inevitable open bar.

“But we have a fireplace,” Alaska states, and she sounds almost wistful.

Sharon wipes her palms on her leggings, turning to lean against the sink. “Okay…” she prods, hoping for further elaboration.

“I want people to know,” Alaska says. “I want to go to the reunion and show everyone that I didn’t, like, peak in high school, you know? We’re homeowners with a fucking fireplace and a cat and I get to see you naked, like, every day.”

Sharon pulls her in and smiles into Alaska’s mess of blonde hair, feeling herself weakening. She wants to stay strong, she really does, but she’s no match for her girlfriend, as usual.

“Don’t you at least wanna see how fucked everyone else is doing?” Alaska tries.

“I’m a little curious, yeah.”

“Yeah?” She bounces on the balls of her feet, her smile reaching her eyes, bright blue and crinkling at the corners. That’s when Sharon knows it’s game over.

“You owe me, Lasky. I mean it.”

“You love me, you really love me,” Alaska singsongs.

“I wanna see what kind of work Willam’s had done, and that’s it.”

“Whatever you say, babe.” Alaska slides her hands under Sharon’s loose V-neck, soft from over-wear, her manicured fingers tracing each rib individually until she can feel goosebumps rising on Sharon’s milky skin. “I can think of a couple ways I could make it worth your while…”

Sharon’s already pushing her toward the couch, Alaska’s bottom lip captured between her teeth. “Try me.”

And that’s how Alaska, against all odds, convinces Sharon Needles to attend their ten-year high school reunion.

Sharon can admit, now, that it’s not the worst idea Alaska’s ever had.

She watches her girlfriend check herself out in the floor-length mirror propped in their bedroom, and she looks stunning in a skin-tight cocktail dress. She’s wearing her hair half-up, half-down; she won’t stop running her fingers through the ends. Sharon thinks that Alaska’s nervous, that she wants to make sure she looks absolutely perfect (which she does) in order to make all of their classmates sufficiently jealous (which she will.)

Sharon loves that she’s the one who gets to show her off.

“What are you gonna wear?” Alaska spins around and her eyes are wide, frantic. “Oh my God, you can’t wear ripped jeans. You’re not gonna wear ripped jeans, are you?”

Sharon places her hands on Alaska’s shoulders. “First of all, chill.” She waits for Alaska to take a deep breath in, and out. “And why does it matter what I wear? Everyone’s gonna be looking at you, anyway.”

Alaska chooses to ignore the flattery, though she appreciates the attempt. “I want everyone to see how hot my girlfriend is,” Alaska coos. When Sharon makes a face, she adds, “You’re hot, Shar. Stop that.”

Sharon’s changed a lot since high school, and while Sharon might not be able to see it, Alaska can. The Sharon she met over ten years ago sported ratty band tees and Chuck Taylors over fishnets and didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought about it. Her platinum hair is shorter now, styled into a sleek bob, framing her angular face in ways that her former tangled hair never could. She’s filled out, too, curves existing where there used to only be hard lines.

Alaska loved her then, now, and all through the in-between.

“Let me help you pick something out,” Alaska decides, moving to sift through their closet.

There’s the red blazer and skirt set that makes Sharon look like a risqué, power-hungry CEO – one of Alaska’s personal favorites – or the lacy green gown that hugs her hips in all the right ways. She runs her hands over different fabrics, stopping when she brushes across sequins. “This is so it. This is the winner!”

Alaska holds out her find: a black sequined dress that she’ll pair with thigh-high boots. She knows it’ll definitely turn heads, while still screaming Sharon.

“The things I do for you…” Sharon grumbles, even as she pulls the garment over her head. It’s a little itchy, but Alaska’s right: the small sequins catch the light attractively, her legs elongated by the short cut of the dress.

She stands next to Alaska and assesses their reflections in the mirror. Alaska’s radiating; she’s a couple inches taller than Sharon without heels, and tonight her hairdo only serves to give her extra height. They look good, and Sharon feels that familiar pang in her chest, associated with somehow landing a girl eons out of her league.

She’s still not entirely sure how it happened. Sharon and Alaska didn’t exactly run in the same circles back in high school – Sharon didn’t really run in anyone’s circle. She wasn’t bitter about it: she knew she came off as kind of thorny, maybe a little abrasive, and, at any rate, she didn’t care for most of those people.

But Alaska was different: kind and gentle and pure, in the way she’d walk Sharon to class just to talk to her for a few minutes, or when she’d invite her over after school to make flashcards for their exams, or how she’d told her, as if it were the simplest thing in the world, that she wanted to take Sharon to homecoming senior year. Alaska was good, the only one able to soften her edges.

The only one willing to try.

So Sharon would try, too – try to enjoy herself at the reunion tonight, for no other reason than to make Alaska happy. Because that’s what you do in relationships, Sharon reminds herself, ignoring the tightness in her chest.

“I don’t wanna be early, but I don’t wanna be too late, y’know?” Alaska’s saying now, admiring her ass in the mirror.

Sharon sighs, reluctantly accepting her fate.

“Let’s just get this over with, shall we?” Sharon forces a smile and grabs the car keys from their nightstand, to head back to the one place Sharon could’ve sworn she’d never step foot in again.

Alaska’s all but sitting in Sharon’s lap at one of the circular tables that the school’s set up in the gymnasium.

“Being back here with you…” Alaska says, her voice husky in Sharon’s ear, “I don’t know, it turns me on, I guess.” She giggles, and Sharon’s reeling, heat pooling between her legs.

Sharon has to say, having her girlfriend draped over her like a blanket is proving to be a nice distraction from the otherwise cringeworthy events taking place around them: the small talk, the forced mingling, the not-so-subtle judging. Sharon’s been tense ever since stepping foot into the school again, constantly looking over her shoulder – for what, she didn’t even know.

She’d almost forgotten how much she used to despise it here.

High school wasn’t filled with happy memories for Sharon like it was for Alaska. She wasn’t popular by any stretch of the imagination, and she definitely wasn’t head cheerleader or teacher’s pet. Hell, she wasn’t even just gay – she was gay and weird. Kids could be cruel, and they never let her forget it.

Alaska picks up on Sharon’s anxious disposition almost instantly, lacing her fingers through Sharon’s and pulling the back of her palm up to her lips to kiss. “Thanks for being my arm candy tonight, babe.”

“Is that all I’m good for?” Sharon jokes, choosing instead to focus on the peachy shade of gloss Alaska’s wearing, how she wants to lick it off later.

“Clearly. Now let me parade you around.” Alaska untangles herself from Sharon and hops up, giving Sharon no choice but to follow.

When she’s by her girlfriend’s side, Sharon can accept it, almost: that she’s beautiful, that she’s worth parading around. Alaska pinches the flesh on Sharon’s hip and squeals whenever anyone gives either of them a once-over. Sharon’s not used to the spotlight, but thinks she could learn to tolerate it with Alaska right next to her, admiring Sharon with goddamn stars in her eyes.

“Did you see that?” Alaska hisses. “Jaremi Carey just winked at you.”

Sharon doesn’t respond.

She spots Willam and Courtney first, and it stops her dead in her tracks.

Her stomach clenches instinctively and she braces herself, realizing too late that she didn’t properly mentally prepare for this moment, and that it’s only a matter of time before Alaska locates her old best friends, too. Sharon had her reservations about them from the get-go, and for good reason.

Seeing the two girls forces Sharon to reluctantly recall her first real fight with Alaska: they were seventeen, and Willam and Courtney had invited Alaska to a college party.

Alaska had casually announced her Friday night plans as Sharon drove her home from school that day, and Sharon was freaked. Being caught underage would absolutely destroy Alaska, who’d never even gotten so much as a detention before, and she was so cute – too cute – and what if she wasn’t watching her drink closely enough, or if she got separated from Willam and Courtney?

And it’s not like Sharon even wanted to sip lukewarm beers in the dingy basement of a fraternity house, but she would’ve liked to have been asked, at least.

She’d never forget how Alaska seethed at Sharon voicing her concerns, accusing Sharon of not trusting her, of being jealous, and why couldn’t she loosen up like Will and Court? Sharon sat there in the driver’s seat, stunned, as Alaska flung open the passenger door and stomped up her driveway. No goodbye, no “I’m sorry” – nothing.

Sharon couldn’t sleep until she knew Alaska was home safely that night.

She’s snapped out of her thoughts abruptly when Alaska eventually identifies Willam and Courtney from across the room and shrieks, heels clacking against the linoleum as she run-waddles toward them with enthusiasm, tugging Sharon along with her.

Sharon briefly wonders if Willam and Courtney arrived together tonight; they used to be inseparable in high school, prompting Sharon to frequently question their relationship status – not that she’d ever say so to Alaska.

Courtney was nice enough, but had always been wrapped around Willam’s finger. Willam was harder to read: more intimidating than the smaller blonde, she was a matchless combination of indifference and vanity. You either wanted her to like you, or you wanted her to leave you the hell alone.

Sharon subscribed to the latter philosophy.

The obligatory round of hugs and compliments passes at an excruciatingly slow rate as Sharon searches, unsuccessfully, for an out.

“Ugh, you two are such couple goals,” Courtney slurs, her mouth seeking out the straw to her fruity drink. “Aren’t they, Will?”

“Who woulda thought? I didn’t see this,” Willam motions between Alaska and Sharon with a flailing hand, “lasting past prom.”

Sharon bites her tongue, the words stinging like salt in an old wound. She wraps an arm more tightly around her girlfriend.

Alaska’s rendered unbothered. “It’s so good to see you girls again, God. We used to have some fun.” She looks over at Sharon, who’s staring at the floor.

Courtney grasps onto Alaska’s wrist. “Remember skinny dipping at Violet’s?”

“Oh my God, is she here? Tell me she’s here.”

“Her slam piece back then was something else,” Willam muses. “What was his name? Brian? Bob? Who the fuck knows – I blew him in her poolhouse.”

They’re screeching, reminiscing about chugging Breezers after football games and setting each other up with their hot friends, and Sharon feels herself withdrawing, retreating back to a place she thought she’d left behind years ago.

She never fit in with Alaska’s crowd, she’s always known that. Alaska had this whole other life before Sharon, though, and Sharon knows she shouldn’t care – but she does, because it’s a life she can’t even begin to understand, to relate to.

She wasn’t invited to college parties. She wasn’t invited to anything.

Sharon’s struggling to get enough oxygen into her lungs, and she thinks she might be making a strange face at Courtney, thinks she can hear Willam laughing at Sharon’s expense.

“Yeah, same,” Sharon interjects loudly, earning her a puzzled look from her girlfriend.

Before anyone can ask what the hell is wrong with her, Sharon puts her head down and makes a beeline for the open bar. She doesn’t want to see anyone, doesn’t want anyone to see her – all she wants is a vodka soda. Better yet, she wants to go home, wants to slam the front door to her apartment and scrub off the stench of this awful night in the shower. She knew it wasn’t a good idea, coming back here.

Sharon isn’t bulletproof, despite her fervent efforts to convince herself that she is. Most of the time, she can fool herself, but Willam and Courtney and everything they stand for is just a painful reminder that Sharon’s skin isn’t as thick as she’d like it to be, that she’s the butt end of some sad inside joke that everyone else seems to be in on.

Picking up her pace, she knows it’s nothing that a strong drink can’t fix. As she’s making her way through the throngs of her former classmates, Sharon’s shoulder connects with an unsuspecting victim, nearly knocking her over.

“Fuck, sorry,” Sharon mumbles, her cheeks flushing red. She readjusts her dress and attempts to regain her composure.

It takes her seconds before it registers: the inked-up, tan-legged woman in front of her is none other than Raja Amrull. Her hair is long and dark, interrupted by a singular grey streak, and, luckily, she seems to be unharmed after Sharon’s clumsy tirade.

“Looks like you need this more than I do,” Raja says, handing Sharon a shot of what looks like whiskey, and, after she tosses it back eagerly, can be confirmed as such.

“Shit,” Sharon exhales, the liquor warming her chest. “I didn’t think I’d be glad to see anyone tonight.”

She means it; she hadn’t even considered that Raja might attend this sort of event, but she’s glad for it, reaching out to give Raja’s hand a grateful squeeze. She’s taller than Sharon remembers, and there’s something calming about her presence.

Aside from Alaska, Raja was the closest thing Sharon had to a friend in school. Raja also tended to keep to herself, but sometimes they’d hotbox Raja’s car while Sharon waited for Alaska to finish up cheer practice, get high and think about life post-graduation. She’d been the one to give Sharon her first tattoo, a small stick-and-poke, which, in hindsight, was probably a terrible idea, but Raja listened to her rant about her crush on Alaska and always nodded at the appropriate times, and Sharon appreciated her for it.

“Bitch, I’m surprised they even let you in.” Raja laughs, and her teeth are so white, and Sharon finds herself laughing, too, each peal easing some of the tension out of her shoulders.

“You and me both.”

They fall back into a normal rhythm effortlessly. Raja secures her hair into a low bun at the nape of her neck with an elastic, tells Sharon about the studio she’s opened up in California, how she’s been drinking wine in the afternoons and experimenting with oil pastels. Sharon thinks it sounds nice, promises to let Raja know if she ever travels out west.

“You’re still with Alaska, yeah?” Raja asks finally. “I mean, of course you are, she was the love of your life. How is she?”

“She’s… Alaska,” Sharon says, choosing her words carefully. “Dragged me here against my will. The usual.”

“Sounds about right.”

Raja smiles from her eyes, like she knows – and she probably does, can probably sense Sharon’s regret over letting her old ghosts resurface, and in front of Alaska and her friends, no less.It makes Sharon want to open up to Raja, tell her everything: how Alaska’s only gotten more beautiful with age, if that’s even possible, how they’ll go home later and strip down to their underwear, probably apply one of the fancy face masks Alaska’s ordered online.

“We made zoodles the other week,” Sharon blurts, laughs when she says it aloud. “Zucchini noodles,” she clarifies, and Raja just nods, like it’s the most natural thing Sharon could’ve said.

It’s more than the eccentric dinner entrées, though. It’s the way Alaska knows Sharon’s favorite brand of cheap ass red wine from the store, and how she’ll try to surprise her with it. It’s when she comes home from work with Dollar Store fuzzy socks with pumpkins on them, and she’ll say that they made her think of Sharon so she just had to buy a pair. It’s how she’ll walk around in those same pumpkin socks and a giant sweatshirt, quote entire episodes of the Golden Girls aloud in the middle of the day.

“We have a townhouse near the city now, too,” Sharon continues, “with a fireplace.”

Her throat catches on the last three words, and her heart swells with pride.

“You guys are lucky,” Raja muses.

Sharon feels lucky; her body is buzzing with it, and she knows she has to find Alaska and kiss her, let her know with lips pressed firmly against hers that she’s sorry for overreacting, that this place messes with her head, but that it’s okay – it’s okay because she’s so totally enamored with Alaska that she’d do it all ten times over again if it meant she could keep falling in love, here, with her.

“I should go find her,” Sharon says apologetically.

“No worries,” Raja says, and then, earnestly, “we turned out alright, Needles.”

Sharon scans the room for her girlfriend and pinpoints her, gives her a sheepish wave from over near the bar. Sharon watches as Alaska finishes up her conversation, embraces her friends one final time before sauntering over to Sharon. The sea of unfamiliar faces parts for Alaska, unsurprisingly.

“Hey, there you are,” Alaska says. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Was hoping I could take you home tonight.” She waggles her eyebrows.

Despite everything, Sharon laughs at her ridiculous, adorable girlfriend. “Thought you were gonna get lucky, huh?”

“Well… am I?” Alaska steps closer to her, and the whole mood shifts; she smells like perfume and spearmint gum and Sharon’s very nearly transported back to the first time Alaska had leaned in for a kiss – Sharon remembers thinking it had to be some elaborate prank – but Alaska’slooking at her with those smoldering blue eyes now, and Sharon’s hands instinctively move to her waist to pull her in.

Sharon knows she’ll never get tired of kissing Alaska, of the way she sighs into her mouth happily, pressing her chest hard against Sharon. She knows this, just like she knows Alaska’s the only thing that matters, the only thing that ever really mattered, and Sharon nudges her tongue against Alaska’s teeth.

“I kinda freaked out back there,” Sharon admits.

Alaska scoffs, as if to say that’s an understatement, but places a small peck on Sharon’s nose anyway, which she welcomes happily. “I can’t believe you left me alone to third-wheel,” Alaska pouts.

Sharon tilts her head questioningly.

“Babe,” Alaska says, “I’ve been Will and Court’s third wheel since the ninth grade. You had to have known.”

Sharon wants to gloat, say that she called it, but there’d be time for that later. Instead, she’s hyperaware of Alaska’s hands travelling south, dancing across her lower back. Every gesture with Alaska is a tease, designed to make Sharon crazy.

“Can I tell you something?” Alaska murmurs, her cheek brushing lightly against Sharon’s.

Sharon hums her approval, lets her eyes flutter shut.

“I’m not wearing anything underneath this dress,” Alaska whispers, and she drags out each syllable. She gives a slow twirl to illustrate, clearly impressed with herself.

Sharon lets the words linger in the air, an electric promise, and it takes all of her strength not to undress her right here – she thinks she might if there weren’t so many people around. She opts for another kiss, this one sloppier than the first, Sharon securing Alaska’s chin in place with a thumb and forefinger.

Sharon is the first to come up for a breath, uttering a low, “follow me,” before ushering Alaska toward the outskirts of the room, a hand resting on the small of her back. Sharon loves it: the way Alaska obeys without hesitation, always being one to follow directions. Sharon’s hand is tingling; she can nearly feel the heat of Alaska’s skin beneath the thinness of her dress, the modest amount of contact hardly enough for either of them.

As they walk, the crowd begins to disperse, and the two are able to slip away undetected into an adjoining room, humid and dimly lit and all too familiar.

“You’re so dumb,” Alaska giggles, as Sharon leads her through rows of rusted lockers with chipping paint. “The girls’ locker room? Really?”

Sharon stops abruptly and pushes Alaska against the cool metal of the lockers, the rattling reverberating loudly throughout the otherwise unoccupied room, and a soft moan escapes Alaska’s lips. Suddenly, she’s not laughing anymore.

There’s a moment that passes, when Sharon and Alaska are only inches apart, and they’re breathing each other in, unmoving – when a few loose strands of hair fall down into Alaska’s face, and she doesn’t reach to fix it, doesn’t dare to be the one to break – that Sharon feels the gravity of the past ten years, of the girl pinned beneath her, who’s been here through it all.

And Sharon’s still just as fucking attracted to her as she was the day they first met.

Their mouths crash together simultaneously, and they’re kissing like kids again, fast and hurried, as if they didn’t have all the time in the world to kiss and touch and explore. Sharon tugs the straps of Alaska’s dress off her shoulders, peppers kisses onto the exposed skin, loves the way her girlfriend’s breath hitches when Sharon scrapes her teeth across the flesh.

Alaska instinctively grinds down on the leg that Sharon has pressed between her own. Her dress is riding up and Sharon eagerly takes note, running her hands up Alaska’s smooth thighs, allowing a thumb to rest near her entrance. She’s already dripping, and it drives Sharon absolutely crazy; she can feel the wetness seeping onto her leg.

Alaska guides one of Sharon’s hands to where her breasts have spilled out from her dress, now bunched around the hard planes of her stomach, and Sharon’s positive that her body is a work of art as their mouths fight to stay connected.

Sharon can hardly help it: she drops to her knees, her nails digging into Alaska’s ass as she licks the moisture from her girlfriend’s inner thighs. She’s reveling in the sounds Alaska makes, the way she says Sharon’s name, urging her on.

She’d have to remind herself to thank Alaska later, in bed, for choosing to forgo the panties tonight.

Sharon looks up, sees Alaska groping her own breasts with heavy-lidded eyes. Her mouth is open, just barely, and Sharon’s sure that Alaska has no idea how gorgeous she is, right at this exact moment – and it’s all the motivation Sharon needs.

She swipes her tongue, once, over Alaska’s folds and pauses, the neatly groomed hair tickling Sharon’s nose. With a free hand, Alaska reaches down and laces her fingers through Sharon’s platinum locks, drawing her closer to Alaska’s heat.

Sharon whimpers against her, the vibrations evoking a strangled whine from Alaska. “Fuck me, Shar, please.”

“This was our spot, Lasky,” Sharon says. She sucks a mark onto the patch of skin above Alaska’s sensitive bud, and she takes her time, enjoys it. “Remember?”

Alaska stretches an arm above her head, lets her fingers wander until they find the gouges in the metal, jagged strokes notched years ago. She traces the imprint of the SN + AT that Sharon carved onto locker number 66 – which Sharon had obviously haphazardly etched an extra 6 into, despite Alaska’s protests about vandalization on school property.

Anyone can just walk in, and that’s half the fun of it, Sharon had argued. She used to wish that someone would wander into the locker room, catch Sharon with two fingers pumping in and out of Alaska, whose skirt would be around her ankles until the late bell rang out over the loudspeakers.

“Of course – of course I remember, fuck,” Alaska manages, her voice strangled from both the sweet sentiment and her growing impatience.

“I wanna make you come right here.”

Sharon says it like it’s a challenge, and she makes quick work of unravelling the gorgeous blonde quaking in front of her, lapping at her opening. Alaska’s hot and swollen around Sharon’s tongue, and Sharon settles in, using the hand still on her ass as leverage to pull Alaska toward her face. Sharon’s chin is soaked and she doesn’t care, moaning into Alaska, guttural and muffled.

She realizes that, at some point, she must’ve started to rub herself through her thong. Sharon can feel her own dampness now as she circles Alaska’s clit with her tongue, inserting a finger into her and crooking it upwards. She’s so slick and Sharon can hear it; she can picture how Alaska’s touching herself, pinching and squeezing her small breasts until she gasps.

Alaska’s grinding her hips onto Sharon, desperate and fast, and Sharon lets her, lets Alaska smother her until Sharon can barely breathe. She seals her lips around Alaska’s clit, rolling it between them before sucking hard, and Alaska’s legs are quivering. Sharon can tell that she’s close; she slides a second finger into Alaska for good measure, hitting the spot she likes again and again and again.

Alaska can’t keep quiet for the life of her, and it’s almost too much for Sharon to handle. Even after ten years, she still feels a jolt of satisfaction whenever she’s able to evoke those pretty little moans from her girlfriend. Sharon pulls her panties to the side as she massages sloppy patterns into her pussy.

“Sharon, I… I’m –”

Alaska clenches around Sharon and comes, loudly, tugging on Sharon’s hair as she shudders, spurring Sharon toward her own climax.

Surges of pleasure roll up Sharon’s spine and out through her fingers and toes, wave after orgasmic wave crashing over her as she coaxes Alaska through her own aftershocks with a delicate tongue, wringing out every drop that she can, before Alaska sinks to the floor next to Sharon. Alaska captures Sharon’s mouth in a lazy kiss that tastes of her.

Alaska’s half-naked and spent, wrapped around her girlfriend, whispering gently into Sharon’s neck, “Let’s go home.”

They exit through the gymnasium, hand in hand. Alaska’s hair’s a mess and Sharon’s sure she’s sporting a nice post-sex glow, but she doesn’t care – she feels good, better than she’s felt in a while. She even flashes a genuine smile at Willam and Courtney on the way out.

Sharon holds the heavy door open for Alaska, watches her walk through, out into the parking lot and toward their little car. She’s laughing about something and Sharon repeats the sound over and over in her mind.

They decide to drive backroads tonight, and everything’s different, but it’s all still the same, really. Alaska’s hand is resting on Sharon’s inner thigh and she’s humming; Sharon thinks she’ll probably let Alaska eat her out when they’re home. They’ll open the window and let the cool breeze in and they won’t even bother making the bed.

#please remember your tags!#jazz #shalaska #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #lesbian au #au #rpdr fanfiction

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takottais-oc-askblog · 5 years

Text

Oc bullshittery pt.6

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Ashton: The devil whispered in my ear “your not strong enough to withstand the storm” I whispered back “you’re”

Flesh: [clapping] the inspiration is outstanding

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sibling relationships be like:

Flesh: can I use your charger?

Bei: I’d give you a kidney, but you aren’t borrowing my charger.

Chii: he’d give him a kidney, maybe not his, but a kidney

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Dax: at this point if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Paston: [cocks gun] not in my mother fuckin’ lobby!

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Flesh: [watching their ex across the club]

Bei: [knocks back shot] what the hells’ up with you ??

Flesh: asshole who broke my heart at 12 o’clock...

Bei: [glances]

Bei: heeey listen and listen good [grabs flesh's face] thou shall not let low vibin’ sketchy ass energy penetrate thy aura!

Bei: [knocks back flesh’s untouched drink] now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a certain asshole at 12 o’clock, [wobbles to flesh's ex] HEY WISEGUY, HEARD THAT YA HIT AND QUIT MY LITTLE BRO—

Flesh: oh god…

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Quinncie: [points a finger at everyone] Do you little punks wanna know why I’m so bad at parking ??! HUH ?! why I refuse to listen to your bullshit when I’m trying to focus !? well DO YA ?!! It’s because men are always constantly lying to me about what 8 fuckin inches is !

Rico: imma go out on a limb here and say that that wasn’t directed at me and somehow was a slap in Elliott’s face.

Peach: ouch.

Coccoh: well god damn!

Elliott: bAbE!?!

Paston: this is so going on my blog

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Bei: dream job; Karma Delivery Service.

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Coccoh: what’s the mead sis........ the wenches are squabbling .......

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Rico: Elliott, I cant believe I'm saying this. But we need you to do what you do best.

Elliott: What’s that?

Rico: Tear. Them. To. Shreds!

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Chii: Have you ever considered not being a dumb ass?

Dax: I’m morally, politically, and religiously opposed to any form of self criticism, so no.

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Elliott: I, for one, didn’t want to start my day with slaughter… which really goes to show how much I’ve grown.

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Dax: I promised Ashton we wouldn’t do anything illegal!

Paston: Why would you lie to your fiancee like that?!

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Coccoh: What are you doing?

Peak Lilly: It's called a hug!

Coccoh: Oh. I don't know if I like it. But continue.

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Peach: at this point I don’t even know if i’m breathing correctly..

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Dax: [drunk as fuck as a Christmas party trying to hit on Ashton]

Dax: yo who’s that shawty over there in the red button up?

Peach: that’s your fiance.

Dax: shiiiiit imma go hollar at him real quick!

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Camie brown: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol and you treat an inside wound by drinking alcohol. It’s science!

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Bei: Of course, I name all my weapons.

Chii: Seriously? Isnt that kind of stupid?

Bei: I don’t think so. My Axe is named after the man who gave it to me, he left it to me so I can protect myself and his kids, and then he sacrificed himself to buy us escape time. I named my gun after the dead police officer I pulled it from. My dagger is named after the brave women who ended her own life so she wouldnt turn. Every weapon I have is named after someone that I failed to save, I name them to remind myself of the past, so that I can be better in the future. I failed to save them, but now they can help me save others.

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In bei's camp during the apocalypse:

Rico: So, whose the big leader around here?

Eva: [points at Bei] That one, right there.

Quinncie: Them? The person sitting in the grass over there making daisy-chain crowns for the little kids?

Peach: Yupp, that’s them.

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Quinncie: I like your coat.

Eva: Thank you, I got it 50% off.

Quinncie: I'd like it 100% off.

Eva: The store can't just give out free stuff.

Quinncie: That's not what I-

Eva: That's a terrible way to run a business, quinn.

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Dax: [sits next to bei]

Bei: you smell like drama and a headache please get away from me.

Dax: …

Dax: [pulls bei into his lap]

Bei: [flailing]

Dax: [kissing their face]

Bei: PLEASEnOOooOOoOOI’VEBEENINFECTED—!

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Rico: [standing there with coffee]

Quinncie:

Rico:

Rico: look do you want your iced coffee or are you still being a bitch?

Elliott: and who says romance is dead?

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Dax: i’m breaking up with you

Paston: 260 million dogs in the world and you think I need you. Ha think again foolish fool~!

Dax: ....?

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Chii: [feeling down]

Bei: suck it up

Chii: and what if I broke your legs and told you to walk it off?

Bei: .....

Bei: then i would question your slightly swaying morals.

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Peach: what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger–

Diel: [cuts peach off]

Peach: bItCh i will FITE—

Diel: …

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Chii's first time eating human food:

Peak Lilly: Are you okay?

Chii, tangled in spaghetti: help me..

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Peach: Doesn’t look safe for a mortal.

Chii: if you sit there you belong to the fae.

Quinncie: That’s the fae’s problem.

Paston: That is such a strong, bold, confident statement and I respect you for it.

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[when Bei gets mad at Diel and says ‘Go have fun with that other guy’ like it’s a threat]

Diel: first of all ima have a blast!

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Cake: You call it death I call it shedding your meatsuit!

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Poppet: Keep a memory of me,

not as a queen,

nor a hero but as a woman.

Fallible and flawed.

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Quinncie trying to explain to his therapist the way his death should be executed, like it makes total sense:

Quinncie: -and then the police pull my lifeless body from a lake, but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen, and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water.

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Rico: Hey Bei, do you think flesh thinks in Spanish or in English?

Bei: Bold of you to assume his dumbass thinks in general.

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Rico: [wearing something nice for their date] do you like it?

Quinncie: [starts crying]

Rico: quinn stop crying you’ll ruin your makeup–

Quinncie: LET ME! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!

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Charlie: Pin...

Pin, in tears: That’s what chii used to call me...

Charlie: That’s because it’s your fucking name, numb-nuts!

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Camie brown: G, look! it’s the good kush!

Peak Lilly: This is the dollar store how good could it possibly be?

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Eva, about Rico's boss: He probably owes you money, huh? i'll ask him!

Rico: he's dead. he can't talk..

Eva: whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. it just so happens that your boss here is only MOSTLY dead. there’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. mostly dead is slightly alive. with all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do!

Rico: what's that?

Eva: go through his clothes and look for loose change.

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Pin: Speaking of folks I can do without, poppet is back.

Cake: That explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.

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Quinncie: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible

Paston: Uhh...Don't you mean Irresistible?

Quinncie: Nope.

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Elliott: It's odd how a woman's purse looks good on me, a man.

Peach: Exactly! Unisex!

Elliott: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.

Peach: No...no... Elliott. U-N-I-sex.

Elliott: well I ain't going to say no to that.

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Ashton: What are your answers for this problem?

Paston: I got 25!

Rico: I got 67.

Dax: I got George Washington… for some reason??

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Peach, to Peak Lilly: Hey, so G, I'm lesbian.

Peak Lilly, half asleep: I thought you were American.

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Flesh: I would do a lot more things if I didn't have to stand up to do said things.

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Pin: It's not "bacon", it's a pig.

Pin: It's not "veal", it's a calf.

Pin: It's not "steak", it's a cow.

Pin: It's not "meat", it's an animal.

Ashton: It's not "fruit", it's dividing cells that accumulate fructose.

Dax: It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno.

Paston: Maybe it's Maybelline.

Camie brown: THIS IS SPARTA!

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Chii: Bold words for a high school reject.

Flesh: Hey, high school DROPOUT, actually. They let me in, I let myself out.

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Chii: It’s very important that i’m both gay and powerful.

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Paston: IDK is the most mysterious acronym.

Ashton: Literally everyone knows what it means?

Paston: Then what does it mean?

Ashton: I don't know.

Paston: See? No one does!

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How Peach and Charlie fell in love:

Peach: [idly singing 'Her Sweet Kiss']

Charlie: Wait

Charlie: ...

Charlie: Wait are you in love with me?

Peach: have been for the last two decades but thanks for noticing.

--------------------------------------------

(this one also got hella long, but thank you all for patiently waiting for this one to get finished!

Tag list: @nansblockit @ask-the-amazing-greenland @slasher-beware @ticket-to-ride13 @illwaitinthisplace

If you want to be tagged just comment on this post or shoot me an ask/message, have a wonderful day!\(•↓•)/♡)

#oc bullshittery #oc bullshit #oc meme #xzialspeaks #oc's #ocs

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

Text

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd December 2019

It’s the special Christmas episode – or at least the climax of many – of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, where we discuss the UK Top 40 every week without fail, with a complete disregard for my deteriorating mental state. Let’s start with the top 10 and finish what is essentially season two of this show.

Top 10

I’m sure everyone knows the Christmas #1 by now. I’ll talk more about it later, I actually have a lot to say, it’s British YouTuber LadBaby’s “I Love Sausage Rolls”, debuting at #1 much like he did last year. I’ll elaborate in more detail once we reach the new arrivals section.

Steady at the runner-up spot is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran, sadly pipped at the post even with the release of his sophomore album, Heavy is the Head.

At number-three, actually up one space this week, is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi.

It replaces “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, down one spot to number-four.

We have our first true Christmas song in the top five this year next, as “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two spaces to number-five. It isn’t the first time it’s reached the top five, or even its highest placement, but I think they’ll settle for top five this year.

At number-six, we have another debut, the second of three in the top 10, and first of two for Stormzy: “Audacity”, a pre-release single from Heavy is the Head, or “Audacitiy”, as the BBC’s page, in its typical fashion, misspells horribly. It features Headie One, becoming Headie’s highest-peaking song ever, tied with “18HUNNA” featuring Dave, and fifth UK Top 40, as well as second top 10 entry. It’s Stormzy’s 20th UK Top 40 hit and also his ninth entry into the top ten.

At number-seven, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down two spaces to number-seven.

Also down two spaces, surprisingly, is “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, despite the release of a new music video. In reality, all of the top 10 has probably gained in performance, and Carey here was a victim of LadBaby and Stormzy.

We have Stormzy’s third and final debut here, “Lessons”, at number-nine, this time solo, which is his 21st UK Top 40 hit and his tenth entry into the top ten.

Finally, at #10, we have a nine-spot crash for “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, hurt by streaming cuts that dumb UK chart rules implement, but also would have possibly cost LadBaby the Christmas #1, and at least his song is vaguely Christmassy, unlike “Dance Monkey”, which would have otherwise spent a consecutive twelfth week at #1 hadn’t it jumped down to #10.

Climbers

We have one non-Christmas climber this week, and it’s “Falling” by Trevor Daniel up nine spaces to #26.

Fallers

We don’t actually have many of these, either, though, but we do have a handful at the tail-end of the chart: “Heartless” by the Weeknd is definitely in freefall, down 13 spaces to #35, whilst “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One curiously goes down seven spaces to #37 after going up seven spaces last week, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi crashes down 11 positions to #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo collapses down 12 spots to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

As always with these Christmas weeks, we have quite a few drop-outs, yet very little returning entries. Streaming cuts have dragged out “Memories” by Maroon 5 out from #10 (Thank God), and brought out two other garbage top 20 hits with it: “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B from #13, and “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill from #18. Sadly, a pretty fantastic top 20 hit, Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” featuring Ariana Grande, is out too from #20. Also out from middling positions last week, #37 and #38 respectively, are “Down Like That” by KSI featuring Lil Baby, Rick Ross and S-X, and “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA, from the Frozen II soundtrack. Oh, yeah, and “Professor X” by Dave is out from #40.

In terms of returning entries, we only have one revolving around pretty depressing circumstances. The early death of 21-year-old emo-rapper Juice WRLD, one that we have seen a lot on this show, has propelled his song “Lucid Dreams” back to #27. For what it’s worth, the song has grown on me a lot since its release, and I’ve said my peace on the matter on Twitter. Rest in peace, Jared Higgins.

There is one returning entry and one drop-out that I’ve missed, but we’ll talk about them later.

IT’S CHIRSTMAS INNIT

First of all, the non-movers, climbers and fallers: If “River” by Ellie Goulding counts, it’s down three spots to #11, but otherwise... “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is at #14, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is at #16, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up two to #17, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up six to #19, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is down one spot to #24, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up four to #25, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up three to #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is up five to #29, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up five to #31, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is at #32 and “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up six to #33.

We have one Christmassy returning entry, and that is the festive albeit creepy “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia back at #36. Combined with the Christmassy new arrival and the songs within the top 10, that means we have within 15 to 17 holiday songs on the “Christmas chart” (More on that later). So, basically, we’re 50% Christmas here on the UK Top 40... arguably, disputably, whatever. Here are the Album Bomb(s)?

ALBUM BOMB(S)?: Heavy is the Head by Stormzy and Fine Line by Harry Styles

This is a pretty awkward album bomb as I’ve already covered most things about Stormzy in the Top 10 section and it’s really disputable if Harry Styles had an album bomb but he had one debut and one re-entry as well as a faller, all from the same album, so I’m counting that as an album bomb. Rod Stewart, however, the damned fool, didn’t get an album bomb however he got the Christmas #1 on the albums chart, trumping both UK rapper and songwriter Stormzy at #2, and former One Direction member and current rockstar Harry Styles at #3.

I haven’t heard Heavy is the Head but I’m excited to check it out. I’m weary of its length, but some of the features seem intriguing. Its impact on this chart is weakened by both UK chart rules only allowing for three songs and the fact that, well, it’s Christmas, technically. That would also explain why Harry Styles’ “Lights Up” dropped out from #33 this week, as it was the single that performed the least, whilst “Watermelon Sugar” is back at #18 and “Adore You” has dropped off one spot from its debut, landing at #12 on this chart. Before we even get to exciting new music from Stormzy, let’s cover some weaksauce garbage from Harry Styles.

#39 – “Falling” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson – Peaked at #62 in the US

Aw, do I have to? Well, I’ve already said how much I disliked Styles’ sophomore record and why, back on last episode (And the last paragraph) actually, so I don’t need to bring it up again. “Falling” is Styles’ fifth UK Top 40 hit, and the third best-performing song from the album; three is all allowed from one album on the UK Top 40. Styles had an actual album bomb on the Hot 100, and this one charted decently high there too. Also, fun fact: since Trevor Daniel is still here, this marks the first time in forever that two identically-named songs with entirely different lyrics and content (I.e., aren’t covers) have charted simultaneously. Somehow, and I dread to think, the Trevor Daniel song may be better. The pianos here are reverb-heavy and saturated so much to the point where I geta feeling of drab, moist dread, which is represented in the production overall, especially when Harry Styles belts and his vocals clip pretty heavily in the mix here. The lyrics are specific and do resonate to some extent, especially the self-referential and dare I say meta second verse, and I can’t exactly say Styles’ delivery is unconvincing, despite it reminding me too much of Lewis Capaldi than it probably should – you’re a much better singer than him or this, Harry. If the production wasn’t so shoddy and it wasn’t four plodding minutes, perhaps this gross, distorted excerpt of a power ballad wouldn’t be so excruciating, but alas, here we are. Good effort, I suppose.

#9 – “Lessons” – Stormzy

Produced by Ed Thomas

I have no idea what to expect. It’s the penultimate track on the album and it’s produced by some guy I don’t know. I haven’t been this clueless about a song before hearing it on this show in months, but it’s actually pretty high here because of how it touches upon Stormzy’s personal life, specifically his relationship with television presenter Maya Jama... and I really want to like this. The song is honest and soulful, with Stormzy admitting his faults in the relationship multiple times, and I enjoy the theme of childhood that he toys around with in the verses, but it’s really vague to exactly how he “disrespected” her, and I’m not asking for a vent that details his entire relationship with Jama but it feels somewhat insincere if the closest you get to a specific memory is either having candles lit up, which is overwhelmingly common, and pacing around the kitchen after a fight, “like this s**t is foul”. Some of these rhymes are also pretty painful. Rhyming “Maya” with “Maya”, and then, “fire” with “desire”? Come on, man, you’re better than that, and there is a lack of internal rhymes or even a comprehensive flow to the whole thing. I do like the vintage R&B beat with some very 90s keys sprinkled through the fake finger-snaps, and the blocky percussion is pretty smooth, albeit too stiff to make the chorus work at all, as it’s just really odd, aimless, multi-tracked rambling, with really half-hearted singing vocals from Stormzy. I don’t know, I really want to like this, but the content is overly vague, the production is dull and uninteresting, and the performance is just the same, as he sounds like he hasn’t slept in days. Maybe that’s the point? Probably, but it doesn’t make this song any more endearing. Sorry, I really wanted to like this, so a half-decent single here sounds like the biggest disappointment, but it’s just passable at best, really.

#6 – “Audacity” – Stormzy featuring Headie One

Produced by Fraser T. Smith

This is the banger of the record, with an up-and-coming UK drill rapper, that would burst onto the chart with a wham... whilst also being right next to WHAM!, but that’s a coincidence. T. Smith is on the boards, Stormzy and Headie One are on the mic, and they sound hungry. Any time Stormzy starts off a track with that trailing “It’s like...” ad-lib, I know it’s going to be ferocious, and this is what this track is. Over looming 808 bass and crawling synths, Stormzy is losing his breath, rasping through his bars because of his insistency to do an angered one-take, like a madman, and it sounds angry and really violent. I’m genuinely kind of scared, it kind of works like Bobby Schmurda’s “Hot Boy” because its purpose is to paint such a vivid picture of gang violence that it gives you goosebumps. Stormzy is talking about inexperienced rappers dissing him... and in the first verse, he goes into detail about why he wants to kill this man, in an oddly calm demeanour before he starts losing it once he starts talking about how he’s going to “skeng-fry his dome”, even accepting the gunsmoke (Both literally and figuratively) that this person tries to use to intimidate Stormzy as just weed smoke, which sounds a lot more savage than I made it sound. Headie One is more melodic on this mix of nasty grime synths and UK drill bass beats, but his more casual delivery really makes the pretty funny bars somewhat intoxicating, especially when he says, “Knowledge is power, ask Gandhi”, which is just hilariously nonsensical... but it’s still not great. It runs way too long at four minutes, and feels pretty repetitive and like a drone by the end, especially due to lack of a true climax. Also the beat just fades out and leaves Stormzy’s isolated vocal, which is abruptly cut off by the end too, so that just sounds awkward. I wish I liked this more, but it sounds more like a weak “Wiley Flow” than the anthemic “Vossi Bop” or the pounding “Sounds of the Skeng”. I still like it, though, it’s just a fair bit duller than Stormzy’s usual offerings in this trap banger lane. Speaking of that, I listened to “Big Michael” out of curiosity and that was freaking amazing, so why didn’t that chart instead of these comparatively mediocre offerings?

One week, it’s “Blinded by Your Grace” / Next week, it’s bang you in your face!

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 –“Happy Christmas (War is Over)” – John Legend

I have no production or chart data for this one, because, guess what? It’s another Christmassy cover song released by an aging and increasingly irrelevant pop star exclusively on platforms that provide more sales and hence boost its false chart placement. I’m glad this is only a holiday thing because it’d drive me up the wall if this was done often. Legend released his Christmas album in 2018, called A Legendary Christmas, and it included many covers, including the infamous “woke” “Baby it’s Cold Outside” rendition with Kelly Clarkson on the 2019 deluxe edition. Of course, this song’s not on said deluxe edition for whatever reason... he really couldn’t just cover a nice old Christmas song, he had to do the controversial songs, huh? The whole album is really disposable garbage filled with novelty and commercialised merriment. I used to really like this guy but he is far beyond receiving my best wishes at this point in his career. Uh, the original song is a hot mess as well. Let’s just get to the meat and potatoes, no pun intended.

#1 – “I Love Sausage Rolls” – LadBaby

Produced by LadBaby

No, not DaBaby. LadBaby. Okay, so, first of all, this potentially isn’t the true “Christmas #1”, as after all, this chart was released before Christmas Day and doesn’t count sales that were made on December 25th, although the press seems to have accepted this as the Christmas #1, and have highly publicised it as such, so I’m allowing it, even though I guess you could dispute that. Second of all, LadBaby is a YouTuber who makes comedy videos or vlogs or something? I don’t know, I don’t pay attention. The video for this that they showed on Top of the Pops (Yes, this was aired on Top of the Pops) had his family in, all wearing sausage roll outfits, so maybe he’s a family vlogger? Speaking of those outfits, the same family is featured on the cover, which is a parody of the famous Abbey Road album cover by the Beatles. Not only is that not a Christmas album but it equally doesn’t work because this is a parody of a Joan Jett song, “I Love Rock and Roll”. Finally, LadBaby got to the top before with “We Built This City” in 2018, a parody of the Starship song with the exact same punchline as this one. Bottom line, this is just a novelty song with a dumb punchline and pretty terrible production, because as with all YouTube songs, it sounds cheap and very royalty-free. These guys can’t sing, especially not LadBaby himself, but it really doesn’t matter because we’re not supposed to actually listen to this. We’re supposed to listen once and have a chuckle, and move on, but sadly, this isn’t even funny enough for me to snigger. I’m not a fan, and if Tones and I’s song hadn’t crashed as hard as it did thanks to dumb UK chart rules, LadBaby would be even less liable to stick the landing next year, and I really hope he doesn’t.

Conclusion

On principle, I feel like giving a tied Worst of the Week to John Legend for his annoying exclusivity and really garbage album that “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” is connected to, alongside LadBaby, for hitting the #1 spot with a cheap novelty song in “I Love Sausage Rolls”, which is a joke he’s done before, instead of Stormzy or, you know, an actual Christmas song. In reality, I haven’t heard the John Legend song and I don’t even want to, and the LadBaby song isn’t really worth getting angry about. The Best of the Week is just as hard to pick due to the sheer lack of quality on display here, but I’ll give it to Stormzy and Headie One for “Audacity”, I guess.

I hope you guys enjoyed this second season of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – I know it was a rocky one, but we got there in the end. I can’t really say happy holidays because I’m a day or two late from Christmas but I’ll definitely say thank you for reading this past year. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week – but that’ll be next season, and possibly next year.

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