#my doctor: these progesterone pills will not have any side effects

[chaos-has-theories]

Today I dreamed I was visiting my parents and they had friends over and those friends owned TWO PET PANTHERS.

Nobody warned me that there were going to be pet panthers. I was just walking outside with my sibling when the GROWL FROM HELL sent my prey animal senses on high alert even before I saw that creature.

(I woke myself up from screaming at my dad to just like, send me a message before he invites two people and their panthers to stay in my room overnight.)

Then I dreamed I was looking out an attic window, throwing out nuts for birds to eat. Instead there was BROWN BEAR CLIMBING A TREE who caught the nuts and daintily ate them.

I was briefly worried that the bear would somehow climb up the house and I would get the bejeezus frightened out of me again, but the bear fell down the tree, rolled at least twenty meters, and hit another tree, and stayed there looking dazed and sad.

(There were also spiders trying to cajole their way into joining the nintendo game i was playing. This did not go well.)

Then I dreamed that Rarity My Little Pony was giving classes about the elements of harmony and Equestrian history, which quickly devolved into a political rally trying to stop the rising fascist government from taking over even more religious institutions through bribery and lies.

(there was a little pegasus called Dark Sparkle who was clearly emo bext gen Twilight Sparkle, who came from a territory where everyone was bigoted against pegasi, for some reason)

Which is to say. Which is to SAY. what the fuck

[willtheweirdrat]

One thing that pisses me off a lot as a trans teen is the straight up ignorance that so many people have when it comes to prescribing hormones. Everywhere you go, you'll hear right-wingers say that "children are being mutilated" and that "children are forced to take hormones" and while in the trans, perisex, healthy perspective that is untrue, intersex people and folks with problems in their organs often ARE forced to do those things, and take hormones SO much easier that trans teens.

Last week, I visited an OBGYN for missed periods. After a quick ultrasound, she straight up signed a paper and gave me progesterone. You know, one of the "scary", "mutilating" hormones (not birth control btw, the opposite of that).

I did not consent to this. I never wanted to take those hormones. And it's bone-chilling how quickly they rushed to give me the pills once they assumed I'm a cis girl. And frankly, this is way more dangerous than testosterone. To put it simply, I'm 3x more likely to have a stroke, heart attack, thrombosis, and some forms of cancers and it came with a whole LIST of side effects.

Say I'm a trans girl instead. Do you have any idea how long this would've taken for me to get? While my doctor mindlessly signed a paper, if I were a trans girl I would've had months if not YEARS of waiting, visiting different doctors and psychiatrist, and a whole struggle of trying to get the same exact substance.

And the progesterone they gave me isn't even necessary. It was not something they knew my body needed. Even my doctor admitted it was to "see if it works and what it will do"

The ignorance of bigots is more and more visible day by day, but by along with them, many allies are also ignorant about hormones.

[libraryspectre]

We need to spread the idea that you don't have to have a period if you don't want to. For any reason. You don't need to have some kind of disorder that makes your period worse or unmanageable or irregular. If you don't want to deal with pain, mood swings, dysphoria, sensory issues, anything at all related to your period, you don't have to. Even if your periods are perfectly breezy, you could stop them if taking a pill every day or getting a shot or implant every three months is more convenient than dealing with a bloody mess every 28 days.

You can stop your period with birth control and be totally healthy. A doctor should manage the transition (you'll need to have a period every three months for about a year, and then get the go-ahead to stop completely) but when done properly, there's no harm to it. You can stop treatments and begin having a cycle again at any time! And if you're on testosterone, you can get progesterone-only treatment and that will work just as well without lowering your T levels.

I seriously think that no one who doesn't actively want a period should be having one, and it's wild we don't talk about our options more. If it seems even a little worth it, please talk to your doctor.

And before you say anything, yes, birth control can make you gain a little weight. But maybe that's okay?

Edit: it's true there are some contraindications especially for combined estrogen/progesterone birth control, but I still feel this is worth looking into if it's something you find desirable. I'm willing to bet that most people will be able to find a form of hormonal birth control that works for them with little to no side effects. (Or side effects that are prefeable to the discomfort of a period). Still, I should have mentioned that hormonal birth control is not going to be healthy for every single individual - my bad.

[transmascposi]

Hey I was wondering if you or anyone had any advice on whether to go on the pill? I am not on testosterone and I really hate having a period but it’s really irregular anyway so I only have a period like once every four months (I’ve been to the doctor, it’s fine). I don’t think my hormone levels are consistent so idk if going on the pill would give me effects of more estrogen which I would quite like to avoid, do you know (or other people) anything about transmasc/ftm peoples experience of dysphoria after the pill? TYSM

hi! i'm not a health professional so don't take advice from me too seriously. my experience with hormonal birth control is limited, i've only been on mini pills, which is a progesterone-only birth control. it doesn't contain estrogen, so it has less side effects but can be a little worse at preventing pregnancy. i was told you could still bleed a little when on it, though i never did. and i didn't experience any mood-related side effects (which are a common complaint from people who were on the pill). i think it made my boobs grow a little, though i'm not 100% sure about that and i didn't find that listed among the common side-effects, so who knows. and it might've made my acne a little worse, but i was in a country with a different climate from mine at the time, so it could've been caused by that. the experience was a little dysphoric for me in the moments when i had to take the pill because it's a thing associated with women and the box was bright pink and stuff, but it was worth it considering i didn't have to experience the much worse dysphoria and huge discomfort of having a period.

maybe the mini pill would be a good choice for you?

does anyone have an experience with this that they'd like to share?

[sharkbeneaththelotus]

It's not "basic" bioloy, this is in fact quite advanced biology! After all trans women are taking a uniform dose of estrogen, so there wasn't reason to think they would have cycles. Just like people on the hormone based IUD often don't have cycles, and people using the continuous pill have reduced or absent cycles.

But they do! Its so interesting and I'd like to read more about the medical side of it Like do we have numbers for progesterone levels in people taking estrogen? Because-- okay, a bit of context first:

The majority of cramps are from 'uterine transient ischemia ' which is the uterus contracting hard enough to, for the duration of the cramp (transiently) close off the blood vessels within the muscle (ischaemia). It's the same mechanics as cramps in any other muscle. Except it's not an oops, it's the body Doing a Specific Job, which is; Get Rid Of Endometrium. The mechanism is progesterone, which triggers the contractions semi directly.

Which leaves me wondering which muscles in other organs are also triggered to contract by period hormones!

Lots of Period havers know about Period Poops, which are (as my doctor described it) the "period hormones, particularly progesterone, effecting the contractile elements of the intestine. They tend to increase contraction rate, so gut transit times go down."

((Apparently this is a really common mechanism by which IBS and hormonal cycling interact, so people with IBSc might feel better after their period, but more likely it will increase pain and cramping, particularly in IBSd.))

So trans women cramps might be to do with progesterone levels increasing and changing how the gut behaves! But! I literally have no idea if this is true XD it's a thought though! There are probably studies around we could find data in! (It's late here tho, so this is just what I know off hand)(I love science)

Also: dang, I'm sorry people without uteruses are having to go through this crap too.

Literally had cramps while drawing this

[april-december]

Um, what's bio-identical progesterone? I tried the pill and it sucked

Hi Anon!

First off, thank you for being brave enough to ask, and I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I tried so many birth control pills and devices at the behest of my doctors, and they did all suck for me, so you have my utmost sympathy.

I have a very limited understanding of the topic; I’m certainly no doctor or expert. But, from what I’ve gathered, the hormones found in birth control pills are synthetic. They are ever so slightly different to what your body naturally produces, and so they can have different side effects. However, there are such a thing as ‘bioidentical’ or ‘body identical’ hormones, which are just that: identical to the hormones that your body produces. This isn’t to say that they aren’t also manufactured by chemical process, or that they are a ‘natural’ option. But they are more similar to the hormones that your body makes.

Again, I have a limited understanding so please do your own research or talk to your doctor if you want to know more.

I live in the UK and had to specifically ask for bioidentical hormones, and I only knew they existed because a family member had also been prescribed them for PMDD.

At first I was given both bioidentical estrogen and bioidentical progesterone; the estrogen came on patches to be worn on the skin, and the progesterone came as a pill. It’s the same package as people who are having HRT. My body outright hated the estrogen and the PMDD was actually much worse, so the doctor suggested I just take progesterone, which you only take in the latter half of your cycle when progesterone levels naturally drop. The first month was a bit rocky, and I had to adjust my dose, but by the second, it worked wonders. It’s levelled it all out, and I no longer (touch wood) spend 10 days out of the month wanting to die.

Again, I’m in the UK so different brands might be available depending on where you are, but the brand of estrogen I was on was called Evorel, and the progesterone brand is called Gepretix.

If anyone has any more knowledge, or corrections on what I’ve said, please feel free to chime in.

And Anon, I really hope you find something that suits you. It does take trial and error and persistence with healthcare providers, and I wish you strength and luck. No one needs to suffer because of their hormones.

[funkforbreakfast]

Rainbow Pickles

During Superbowl weekend, I opened my fridge to discover a bag of rainbow carrots and Persian cucumbers that were going bad — quickly. Food waste is a big source of guilt for me, so when I am faced with the loss of perishables… well, I try to make them less perishable. For these, I submerged them in an at home mystery brine and hoped for the best.

They definitely did not mold (yay!) but the result was a tart and salty snack. I refused to add dill due to my own aversion to the taste, so these julienned slices were a great veggie topping for most meals (very similar to the ones I prepared for my vegetarian bibimbap). 

The rainbow color of the carrots leached into the juice and stained it a gorgeous pink. I was starstruck at how beautiful these carrots were!

That was, until they sat in my fridge for a month.

People with PCOS often take hormonal medications to manage their symptoms (cough cough, birth control). The way that birth control works is by introducing your body to hormones, which will stop the system from producing their own. This is great when your body is bad at regulating hormones on its own — which is the case for people with PCOS. By taking birth control, my menstrual cycle, emotions, acne, and many many other things are kept in check — which is perfect as unmedicated PCOS often makes me feel so disconnected from my body. Like I am stuck in a vessel that is constantly hurting itself. Most of this can be remedied with a daily dose of progesterone. With the recent talk about birth control in the United States, it is important to note that these pills are life changing for so many people who take them — whether that be mitigating the symptoms of a chronic health issue or by allowing them to continue living their life according to their own goals (either with or without a baby). 

This past January, I started birth control again — this was actually the fifth or sixth time I had started taking the pill; however, this dose was a little different — it was an entirely progesterone pill. This came about after this ad libbed interaction (but the doctor did mention strokes with a lot of fear):

Doctor: So it says on here that you have a history of migraines, right?

Me: Yep, they run in my family

Doctor: And you’ve taken estrogen birth control pills since you were fourteen — even when experiencing migraines

Me: Yeah, and they got worse during that period but they said it was probably stress

Doctor (face of shock): You could have had a stroke.

Not sure how estrogen and migraines mix, but apparently they don’t mix at all! So instead, my doctor put me onto progesterone, which is not much different except my body will not absorb it unless taken almost exactly at the same time every day  — which is very difficult for anyone, let alone a college student. I’ve noticed little to no side effects, except a pretty intense food aversion during my period. Which means food grosses me out, as in the smell of any food will make me nauseous. Which is not fun.

Shortly after making rainbow pickles, I was hit with this huge wave of nausea for a week. All I ate was banana chocolate protein shakes and goghurts — notably not the pickled carrots. And I let them sit in their tub for days and days and weeks and weeks, until I was clearing out the fridge a while later. They looked beautiful in their pink brine, a gorgeous hue for the kitchen. But their time had passed, and they reminded me of my stomach qualms more than anything else. So I chucked them. 

Pickles at Home

I definitely do not eat enough veggies, but have found pickling an amazing solution to add vinegary toppings to most meals. This brine

Prep: 30 min Brine time: 3 hours to a few days Yields: many servings

Allergens/restrictions

Alium

Ingredients:

½ cup water

½ cup rice vinegar

1 ½ tbsp sugar

1 ½ tsp table salt

1 tbsp minced garlic

What I put into my brine:

Julienned rainbow carrots

Thin cucumber slices

Instructions

Measure liquids into a quart containers and mix. Add subjects of your brining. Leave for at least an hour but up to several weeks.

[boy-mom]

Can you write something about How to induce lactation without being pregnant?

Hi there anon! It just so happens that I already did write a post on this very subject. I'll go ahead and just copy it to here so you can have the full info :)

 Inducing Lactation: FAQ 

 Okay, I get asked these questions almost on the daily, so I’m going to go ahead and write this big ol’ post with all the answers and so on. I’ll even post the link to where this info is coming from so y’all can check for yourself too! 

 Is lactation possible if you’re never been pregnant, or you aren’t pregnant and trying to lactate? 

Yes, it is totally possible! With the right strategy, support, and techniques, it is totally achievable. My advice for anyone trying to induce lactation is to understand the process, educate yourself on what to expect, get proper support through a lactation consultant, consult your doctor, and so on! It’s important to avoid false expectations, have an open mind going into the process, and allow the yourself to give it your very best! Refer to the Newman-Goldfarb protocol for specific steps. 

 What kind of milk supply can be expected? The amount of milk someone is able to create will depend on a wide range of factors including: The person’s health history Their motivation to induce lactation The condition of their breasts Whether they has ever breastfed in the past, amount of support from the partner, family, etc. The amount of time they have to prepare their breasts/body The routine and protocol the person follows to make milk, such as taking herbs/medications, and frequent breast stimulation There is a particular protocol called the Newman-Goldfarb Protocol that has a very good success rate (60-100%) for inducing lactation for most people. It includes a combination of steps and can be started at any point prior to the arrival of “the baby”. The idea with any of the protocols to induce lactation is to mimic the pregnancy and what happens after in terms of a drop in progesterone and estrogen, and a rise in prolactin after delivery. Prolactin is the “milk maker” and oxytocin works to “release the milk.”

 What supplements, foods, and medications may help with promoting a milk supply? A baby suckling at the breast and/or frequent breast stimulation is the best way to induce the hormones needed to produce milk. And combine this with other herbal and prescription medications, and you have a protocol for inducing lactation. There are several different protocols that have been developed by various experts in the field like the one mentioned before. There are also other ways mothers can help support milk induction, including using a breast pump to stimulate the breasts, herbal supplementation, prescription medication, and certain foods. Using Birth control to prepare breasts for milk making If someone has plenty of time to prepare, starting a birth control pill for 6-9 months can help prepare breasts for breastfeeding. The pill mimics the estrogen and progesterone that a pregnant mother would have in order to support breastfeeding. It helps create the glandular tissue and milk ducts. You can really start a protocol at any time to help inducing lactation. How to make more milk Once you are able to produce milk, the act of removing milk will trigger the body to create more milk. The most effective prescription medication initiating that milk-making process initially is Domperidone because it can be used for an extended period of time without significant side effects to the breastfeeding individual or a baby. If you have heart-related conditions, it’s advised to not take it. Domperidone is approved in many countries including Canada, Switzerland, United Kingdom, South Africa, Mexico, New Zealand, and others, to increase milk supply, but it is still in the process of being approved by the FDA in the U.S. Herbal Supplementation Herbal supplements that may be helpful in inducing lactation include alfalfa, blessed thistle, fennel, fenugreek, goat’s rue, saw palmetto, and Shatavari. Each of these has its unique characteristics and timing may also be important in terms of when each should be taken, and under specific circumstances. It is advised to work with an herbalist to understand what’s right for your particular need. As with all supplementation, it’s best to work with a healthcare team to ensure it is the best solution for you. Lactogenic Foods As far as specific lactogenic foods to increase milk production, there aren’t a lot of studies, but there is information from those who do lactate that has been passed down from generation to generation. Specific foods may be helpful to increase milk production, but eating a diet rich in healthy fats, dark green vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and nuts and seeds is truly the best way to ensure optimal nourishment for inducing lactation. One of the very few foods that has been studied is moringa or the Malunggay tree. It is a “superfood” grown in Asian countries and can be bought in a powdered form or the leaves can be cooked like spinach leaves. 

 How can you tell how much milk is being transferred when lactation starts? Small quantities of milk may be produced at first, but within a month, if you are consistently removing milk, and inducing more, it may increase. You can use frequent breast massage and expression to see how much you may be producing. What are some helpful mindset techniques to help with inducing lactation? Keep an open mind so you are not disappointed; if you’re able to produce milk, great, if not, know you tried and still gave it your best. Remember why you want to induce lactation. Just like in many areas of our life, we have to have a strong enough “why” in order for us to stick with something. Positive affirmations can help you feel empowered and equipped to mentally and physically handle the experience. Enjoy the process along the way, enjoy the relaxation as your hormones start increasing in your body, especially the oxytocin. Keep a positive mind, YOU can do this! 

What kind of time and effort is involved with inducing lactation? Once you accept the commitment, your mindset will play a huge role in motivating you to continue the journey to induce lactation. It’s important to understand the time and energy involved in inducing lactation, There may be financial resources involved too, like purchasing a breast pump, herbs, and medications. And of course, there is the time involved in pumping- whether it be hand expression or with a manual pump. Here’s the link to where all this info can be found! 

 https://lactationmamas.com/how-do-you-induce-lactation-if-youre-not-pregnant/

[eimearkuopio]

I am Catholic and I've been through hell solely due to that fact (well, that PLUS my periods). I started to menstruate at 11 (so definitely not a woman, tysm @integralistweeb) and within a year was losing enough blood to bleed through (yes THROUGH) a pad within about half an hour. Was this taken seriously? NO. Heavy pads - overnight pads - pray I could get through a 40-minute class without bleeding through everything - why are you so careless that you still get bloodstains on your underwear, your sheets, your mattress - be more careful (I went to bed with my underwear lined with stick-on pads and it only worked about half the time; I asked if there were some kind of period diaper and was stared at as if I had grown a second head; eventually I gave up caring and just did what I could) - found out at 17 that everyone in my year knew when I had my period because for a week I was just ashen - when I did my Leaving Cert they put me on meds to stop my period for that month, delayed my period and extra strong painkillers because if I got my period during my Leaving Cert it could "ruin my life" from their perspective but never mind what it was already doing to MY LIFE EVERY FUCKING MONTH - they gave me nuvaring at Uni but it turns out I'm allergic to extra oestrogen so when I started to get arm and leg pains they took me off that (good thing, too - it works for some women but it has a higher mortality rate than I care to think about) - then the progesterone-only mini pill which gave me suppurative acne but at least I wasn't haemorrhaging for the first time in my post-pubescent life (this was at about 25, btw, after I had started to bleed so much that I occasionally needed to give up on pads entirely and just sit on the toilet until the situation improved - but any time I went to see a doctor, they just gave me a pregnancy test EVEN THOUGH I WAS A VIRGIN and when it came back negative, they shrugged and sent me home instead of fucking TREATING MY HORRIFIC BLOOD LOSS) - ended up switching to Mirena which had fewer physical side effects but seemed to make my PMS jump to full-blown PMDD - took a year off that to see if my mental health improved and it just got SO MUCH WORSE - so now I'm back on Mirena, and in May, after decades of me begging to have my healthcare taken seriously and being told they couldn't do anything because what if I wanted to have children some day (and to be clear, I wasn't asking for a hysterectomy - I was asking for exploratory surgery to find out WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON) I have just been provisionally diagnosed with adenomyosis, and it means I'll probably need a hysterectomy, and if I'm unlucky, my womb will be taking some of my bladder and bowels with it. So if I've been a little grumpy for the past few months, and people are confused by that fact, I hope this has helped clarify things.

There was a TikTok post about an advertisement for “blood-making pills for weak women” someone found in a newspaper from the 1890s and everybody seemed to think it was just an example of the weird misogyny of the day and age but no. Anemia was a massive public health concern. It always has been through history but part of the reason we have this idea of old timey women thought history being physical weak, chronically cold and pale and fainting is because they often they were. Anemia was also a massive problem for men in that day but even now it disproportionally affects people who menstruate. So tonics full of stimulants and “healthful vitamins” were marketed at young women in pages upon pages of advertisements in every newspaper. People generally felt like shit all the time back then.

[ladyalienist]

Health, size, and honestly fuck everything.

I wouldn't want to write this post, but here we are. I mean, this is the most anonymous I can get.

In January 2020, before this whole Covid mess started, my head started spinning at random.

It was slightly uncomfortable, but I could do stuff while slightly uncomfortable. I'm used to doing stuff while in pain.

In March 2020 I received an endometriosis diagnosis - after thirteen years of pain and bathroom gore one week a month, five different oestrogen pills that worsened the situation (to this day, I haven't spent ONE DAY in my adult life without taking some hormonal pill) and TWO YEARS OF ME SAYING "I have endometriosis, I have every symptom, PLEASE HELP ME!".

Finally I had a therapy that made me feel better - no more The Shining blood-in-the-corridor scene! No more pain! Just follow religiously the regimen of progesterone and supplements for the side effects and you'll be fine! Still fatigued as fuck, still suffering from dyspareunia, but who cares.

My head kept on spinning at random. I didn't bother.

I don't go to the doctor unless it's extremely necessary. It's not a matter of money - my country has free healthcare, thank you very very much - it's about how I was treated. Not listened to, my problems overlooked, diagnosed at best with "fat" and at worse with "maybe it's all in your head, sweetie", the very few time I was in for somethig that couldn't possibly be reduced to "fat" the exams were invasive and painful and included screaming at me for flinching. And then a "lose weight, anyway".

I won't go on and on with rambling about my misfortunes with doctors, but anyway, in late June my head spins a lot and it's not just being slightly uncomfortable, it's "I'm risking to fall and hit my head every morning when I get up and I can't do shit". I go to my doctor this morning.

This woman who had me as a patient for about a decade makes her visit and assumption - not that important, it's not the point - prescribes me more in-depth exams and one medicine that should help, and then proceeds to tell me "you must really be sick to come, you're not the type who ever goes to the doctor". Yeah ma'am, maybe if you had listened to me when I came the first two times I'd trust you better. Then she sends me to a very kind nurse who needs some information to make a new file about me. Including height and weight.

Based on BMI I am obese. And I am fat. Like, I'm a really big and intimidating sturdy woman. But I have unbreakable bones and a strong build and even when I'm not doing any sports I can still lift most of my friends up and spend a whole day marching. I am undeniably fat and I'd need to lose weight, but I'm far from being the kind of obese most people imagine when saying the word. Like, many people including males in seeing me genuinely don't think I'm in any way medically problematic.

BMI is shit. It's shit on so many levels. Everyone knows that. Yet the nurse kinda frowns, she didn't expect those numbers.

I go out from the doctor. It's a nice, sunny day.

I am thinking about killing myself once again.

I think about all of the desperate work I put into learning how to take pleasure from food and still eating healthy - once a week I have pizza. Once a week I might have a sandwich with a bit of mayo or a sushi lunch. No soda of any kind. Some biscuits at breakfast because in my culture breakfast is carby and sweet - but my breakfast is overall not that big deal. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I try to be intuitive and follow the needs of my body. I take long walks whenever I can - if I can't it's because university is a fucking full time job nobody ever recognizes and I get TIRED.

I'm fat and no amount of salad can change that. My weight stayed the same for seven years after school no matter what and how much I ate. Science is telling us that size is 90% genetics and epigenetics and diet culture is killing people.

I tried to learn how to enjoy eating and how to do it in front of other people and how to share. But now I'm having thoughts about how much I need to lose and how to do - no more weekly pizza? No more sushi? Never again? A sad sad life of counting calories and going back into massacring my body in sports the way I did when I was a teenager? Or maybe I could finally fit (haha) the criteria for bariatic surgery, so I can have exactly one slice of pizza per week and be satisfied with it for the rest of my life. Still a bit sad but fine, I guess. I wasn't meant for pleasure anyway.

I think about how people were grossed out by my body and mocked and ridiculed me and whoever looked like me. Thin was the price to pay for being free to exist, for being at least a girl/woman - not even a person, misoginy still counts, but a girl/woman. A fat girl, a fat woman, is less than that, she's scum.

I think about how the men (boys actually) I partnered with were delighted with the fact that they could hit me and be rough - I could take the pain and no serious damage was ever done. But fucking me and hitting me did not make me their girlfriend. Their reputation could be ruined, God forbid. The very first male friend who didn't actually bother about being seen in public spaces with me... well I met him at 20, exactly 20, it was my birthday.

I think about the repulsion I feel in the morning when I shower and I see and feel my naked body.

Yesterday a friend of mine, a friend of mine who says I'm beautiful, who calls me "hottie" on a regular basis, and I were drinking a cocktail. She took a picture of me for Instagram and I was OK with it. Now I think about how people might see me and feel the same repulsion. I get them.

I think about a woman my age who just died in my country because of bariatic surgery. She went under and never woke up. She was just like me, big and sturdy but healthy, happy. She had a boyfriend and friends - one friend in common with me indeed - but the job market wanted her to be skinny. So she died.

I raise my gaze and see a man, his lower abdomen so bloated it hurts to watch, slowly walking to somewhere. I don't want to blame a guy who has done nothing but exist, but... has he ever thought about his body in the same terms I think of mine? Look at his slow slow walk... entirely different from my fast and nervous pace, the one that has my acquaintances and friends screaming "where the fuck are you running please wait for us short-legged people you valkyrie", fast and nervous not only because I have places to go but mostly because I have calories to burn. Does he know that fast walking makes you healthier? He doesn't seem to know. Health for him is a non concern.

I'd deserve a healthcare system that does something for me. What I have is ineffective measures for serious problems and a useless culture that would rather have me die in an unnecessary surgery than just reconsider it's priorities. Tell that woman that it was for her health. Please, go on her grave and tell her.

I get to a bar.

"Good morning, may I have a coffee cream, please?"

My head has not stopped spinning yet.

[sixstepsaway]

cw personal stuff, mental health, menstruation, adhd, medication, passively suicidal thoughts

so i have PMDD, which isnt great, and over the last decade or so i've been tweaking my entire life to try and make said life livable

a rundown: if i am unmedicated, have no vitamin supplements and do nothing in particular to handle my pmdd, i have three weeks out of every month where i am incredibly depressed, fatigued beyond reason, passively suicidal (as in: i do not think i would move if a boulder was going to run over me, but i am not going to go onto tinder to try and match with a boulder any time soon), apathetic about everything except (if i'm LUCKY, else the depression is worse) my current hyperfixation, unable to focus on anything (so my adhd is worse, which took me until a year ago to realize) and just...terrible

three weeks of every month

i figured out quickly that the pill helps, but i cant have the combined pill (i have migraines) so i'm stuck with the minipill (which is progesterone only, i believe?) of which one brand doesn't give me horrible side-effects

this brings me down to like.. a week and a half before my period is shitty? still passively suicidal, still terrible adhd issues, but less time

i called up my doctor who offered me antidepressants which i didnt really want and she recommended vitamin... B6? which i take a big supplement of, and i will admit helps a lot

but the thing that i hadnt realized was having a really strong (positive) effect is i started taking 5-HTP a few years ago in the hopes it would combat my depression and apathy, which it does! and i did not realize

until i got on my ADHD medication and came off my daily caffeine supplement (which i was using to self-medicate said ADHD) and the 5-HTP in the concern it might have a bad reaction

i'm being titrated on the ADHD medication rn (so week 1 is 20mg, week 2 is 30, week 3 is 40, week 3 (current!) is 50, and finally week 4 is 60, and the goal is to find the dose that has the best effect on my ADHD

this medication is amazing and my fatigue is all but gone, which is astonishing and makes me want to cry with a combination of relief and, i guess, grief? because i've lost 15+ years of my life to thinking my problem (CFSME, which I might still have but i dont KNOW and honestly probably never will) couldnt be medicated/fixed (CFSME they just send you home to rest and reduce stress like meh over here) and it actually could??? i just had the wrong target?? i thought my brain was okay but my body was fucked but actually my brain was broken this whole time? hahaha fuck

anyway that brings us to today where i am sitting here, really low, genuinely wishing a boulder would hit me up on tinder, not really giving a shit about anything (including going downstairs to wake my ducks up for breakfast, you know, the ducks i've been sewing diapers for, the ducks i love more than life itself), kind of wanting to cry

my apathy came back a week or so ago, and i've realized the apathy is what the 5HTP was effectively medicating as well as it was. and now i checked my bujo and sure enough this time last month was my pre-period week so no wonder i want to goddamn die

and i'm still stuck on mobile data (some guy did 60 in a 20 and knocked out the pole that held up all the wires at the bottom of our street and we've had no internet ever since, we're on tethered mobile data and have been this whole time, i have bought 22GB of mobile data and the first 10GB i went through like a flash because it turned out the tumblr app on my phone was using background data like crazy and i hadnt realized and now i'm refusing to buy more data because this is STUPID) and everything just feels helpless and hopeless

and i'm finally feeling all the things about the fact this could have been fixed. this could have been fixed years ago

i didnt have to live like this

[laurel-michaela-connor]

I’m going to start a new progesterone-only BC pill to hopefully get my acne back under control. I’m no longer allowed to take regular combined pills because of my migraines…… which idk would’ve been nice to know when I was prescribed them???? Why does it feel like I only learn about these side effects way after the fact? Depressed mood, blood clots, lower sex drive. My doctors never went into any of that with me over years of taking these pills. They never mentioned migraines. It was always just “ok you have hormonal acne & PCOS so let’s get those hormones regulated.” I just hope I don’t gain all the weight I’ve lost back. I’m down about 7-8 kilos over the last few months. I’ve also decided to stop drinking again. I’m slipping back into my bad habits and I need to be more mindful. I felt soooo good when I stopped for 3 months and then it just sort of started up again and the amounts crept back up. I wish I was back to a few years ago when my relationship with alcohol was much better and this was all much easier to deal with. The pandemic really sent me down the rabbit hole and I’ve spent a good chunk of this year crawling back up it. But anyway, here’s hoping I manage to get my shit together sooner rather than later.

[disgruntledmuffin]

This is almost exactly like my brand of PCOS. (Polycystic ovary syndrome). Like down to thinking I had something like Alexandria's Genesis when I was younger. I'm also just real fuckin autistic about it as well. As I am also not a doctor here is just my personal experiences.

My period didn't start until I was 16 and was diagnosed with PCOS. Even though the ultrasound of my ovaries didn't have any cysts. But I do have mood swings, hyperkeratosis, and basically every other sign/symptom of PCOS. (There are subtypes of PCOS now that are being explored now! Science is very much learning that it isn't a catch all condition!)

I went to a pediatric endocrinologist and my blood work revealed slightly elevated androgens. Which can inhibit ovulation. If you don't ovulate right then progesterone isn't produced by the Corpus Luteum. If progesterone isn't made then your uterus doesn't thicken. And you don't have a period.

I am also prescribed progesterone to induce my period. I have found that progesterone only pills give me less side effects than combo estrogen/progestrin hormonal birth control. I take it for 5-7 days and then stop. After about 2-3 days I will have my period. My doctor advised me to do this approx every 3 months. Going without a period and having the ability for abnormal growth to occur for long spans of time can put you at risk for uterine cancer. I chose this medication option because I am so bad at taking meds.

What this means for fertility? I don't know. I am 26 now and I do know that now I do ovulate on my own (and ovarian cysts bursts fucking suck) occasionally. But I know tons of people who have had successful pregnancies while having PCOS. It just might take a little more effort or different strategy. Nonetheless, It is more than likely genetic and hell we got here somehow.

Hey sex witch! disclaimer: I recognize that you are not a doctor. however, i live in a state that has systematically rid itself of almost all the relevant specialists, and i have seen literally everyone in my area already, so I guess I am wondering if you/any of your followers would have any ideas or similar experiences

I started my period at 10 and it just never regulated itself at all and then eventually when I was a teenager it stopped entirely. I am 26 now and while I did have an oral progesterone triggered period this spring, I have not had one since and before that i hadn’t had one since i was about 17 years old - between 13-17 i was on patch birth control to regulate it, which gave me a period on the off week about half the time?

All my hormones are “normal” according to multiple blood tests and ultrasounds didn’t find anything wrong either. I don’t have pain or anything. I sometimes feel like i’m having hormonal changes (mood swings or libido changes) but never even like the same week of the month every time regularly

I went to a bunch of doctors about it until eventually I tried the literal last specialist within 5 hours of where I live, a women’s health hospital and after a bunch of very expensive exams and blood tests my doctor just said she didn’t know and that I should keep taking progesterone regularly because it triggers a period in me about 1/3 of the time after I stop taking it

I guess I am wondering if you have heard about this or if anyone who sees this has, because i don’t know if this is a big deal at all. I’m not sure if it impacts my fertility or if it’s unhealthy to just never have a period? Since no one has found anything structural or hormonal to explain it I have no idea if it’s caused by something else. Is it possible for people to be born without?? needing a period??? Like some alexandrias genesis type shit?? Lol. Sorry this is so vague. Google has not helped me one bit and neither have forums or actual doctors so i understand if your response is 🤷‍♀️

hi anon,

you're right that I'm not a doctor, and I'm afraid I'm not qualified to take a guess here. but if anyone who sees this has experienced something similar and has some insight, that would be very appreciated!

[nonegenderleftpain]

Contents: genitals mention, menstruation mention, transition details

I cannot get the readmore to function on mobile, apologies.

Bxy Journal Day Who Even Knows - Three month check-in

Woo! It's been a little over three months on low-dose T, and I thought I'd catalog my changes. This journal has definitely turned into a not every day kind of thing because chronic illness sucks, but I'm going to update when I can.

Dosage: 2mg/day Androderm testosterone patch

Changes so far:

Increased facial hair growth. It's not much more than was already present due to PCOS, but it's enough that I have to shave to feel comfortable and not pick at it. I don't tolerate anything on my face, so this was the side-effect I'm least excited about - I'll be getting laser hair removal in the future so I don't scar my face. That said, to anyone else the growth would be almost unnoticeable - it's not visible (granted, I'm white) and not thick in the least. My handful of thick hairs have just expanded to a larger handful.

Voice changes! While my speaking voice hasn't much changed (I haven't been doing any vocal exercises to change it, I'm going to let that happen naturally), my singing voice has dropped several notes. Regular singing in the car, shower, and at my desk has helped maintain my upper register thus far, but those low notes are SUPER satisfying. My laugh has also deepened just a smidge. This is the most important part, for me. Pre-T, my laugh was identical to my abusive mother and I've given myself panic attacks by laughing in the past. It's starting to sound like me instead of her and I'm delighted. (Full disclosure, first time I noticed it, I cried.)

Libido. My sex drive has definitely increased a significant amount. I'm already a hypersexual person, so it came out the gate swinging. So far it hasn't posed a problem, but Partner One has an incredibly low libido so there's a solid chance it might moving forward - we'll see.

Body odor. I smell different. I'd heard this mentioned before and kind of side-eyed it, but by the gods I really do smell different. My general body odor is stronger, and my groin smells... well, it smells like dick. Seriously. It's almost identical to how Partner One's groin smells, which is WILD. I in no way expected that to happen, especially not so soon, and I didn't expect it to be so satisfying. It's taking some getting used to, but there it is.

Clitoral growth. This one I can't quite tell yet. It feels like maybe my dick has gotten bigger, but if so it's a very small amount. Unsurprising, considering the low dose and short time span. I'm chomping at the bit for more changes in this department.

Acne. This is something I was already dealing with because of the aforementioned PCOS, but it's gotten worse. If you're not prone to acne, this might be a drastic change for you. Be prepared for it. It's been especially annoying on my chest and under my breasts - no amount of acne body wash and careful cleanliness has kept it from happening. Quite annoying, but nothing new.

Menstruation. If you were expecting T to stop your periods, you need a higher dose than this. I am actually going to be talking to my doctor about getting back on progesterone because my periods are so excruciating that they flare all of my chronic pain issues and leave me bedridden for several days. Not too much more to say on that except god I did not miss periods and I'll go back on pills to stop them immediately cuz fuck. that.

Emotions. I haven't seen any of the stunted emotional range that some people talk about with T. Not sure if this is because it's bullshit man-hating rhetoric, if it's because I'm bipolar and have hyper emotions, or because of my dosage. We'll see.

Well, three month check-in complete. Go testosterone and go me!

[katieblooming]

Thanks for responding!

I still disagree with saying things like no one bats an eyelash about blood cloth risk in birth control for women. Since the pill came on the market scientist/pharmaceutical companies have worked a lot to reduce the blood cloth risk associated with it and they succeded in decreasing it massively. Sure, it is still there, but if nobody in medicine cared about what women had to endure, why did this happen? (And let me just say, I am offended there are still no hormonal contraceptives for men.. that is something I really do not understand.)

On the other hand, I totally agree that women are systematically overlooked in clinical trials/dosage etc. and this is an issue that should absolutely be discussed more often. I did not mean at all to deny that and I'm deeply sorry you had personal struggles associated with it. I just disagree with how so many people are more concerned with screaming about problems (sometimes even accompanied with inaccurate facts) than discussing solutions. E.g. like you mentioned, women are often excluded from clinical trials due to ethical considerations (what if she gets pregnant and the fetus, who didn't agree to participate in the study, is dangerously affected by this new drug and suffers the rest of his life?). How would you (and others) like that we approach this dilemma in the future so that women are not so overlooked?

I didn't really expected you to answer the first time, and I understand if you don't want to go off on a tangent about it (like I just did haha). Also, I would like to say that I know I probably "explained" things you already know, please don't take it the wrong way. I just wanted to open up a conversation because this is a matter dear to my heart :)

Perhaps 'nobody bats an eye' is an oversimplification, but so many doctors prescribe birth control without fully explaining the risks and side effects. I had no idea that a lot of women have issues tolerating synthetic estrogen until I stopped taking the combined pill because it gave me migraines, mood swings, and breakouts. Now I'm on a progesterone-only pill and it's fine, but so many side effects are glossed over and we're expected to solely shoulder the burden of hormonal contraceptives. It's not so much that nobody cares, because obviously massive improvements have been made in the safety of hormonal birth control, but there are a lot of side effects that women are just kind of expected to deal with in the name of not getting pregnant, and I question if the same level of side effects would be considered acceptable in a hormonal birth control pill for men. Probably not.

I don't remember much of ethics in science when we discussed the exclusion of women in many studies and clinical trials, but I think it does need to happen in order to allow better scientific understanding of the effects of drugs and therapies on women. I would want to start off with small sample sizes on women who are not high risk pregnancies, don't have any history of fertility issues, and fully consent, but it's a really complex issue. The only way to understand is to start including pregnant women in trials and conducting larger studies to better understand the effects of hormones and fat storage on women's metabolisms. There's always going to be some risk, but I think the risk needs to be managed through monitoring and experimental design.

Going back to blood clots though, I think while the mechanism of clotting is different from birth control vs vaccine-induced and therefore a little apples to oranges, I think the original tweet highlights inequalities in healthcare between sexes. It's hard to fit all that nuance in 140 characters.

[littlefreya]

I am very curious about birth control pills obviously i should talk with my doctor first but can you enlighten us what you have experienced and what works for you ? And if you dont bleed monthly ( lets say you have an active sex life ) how do you make sure you are not pregnant %100 ( i heard that there is always a chance) sorry if these are stupid to ask love your blog and writing have a nice day 💖💖💖

It’s not a stupid ask, these things are hella complicated and even now in my early 30s I am finding out a lot of stuff I didn’t know about birth controls. 

First thing first, you should definitely speak to your doctor about it. Every woman is different and it depends on a lot of things. I also highly recommend to get blood tests and make sure you don’t suffer from chronic migraines with Aura like I do. I will explain why. 

I got unlucky with the genetic lottery. I suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome. I got my first period when I was 17 and then it vanished for over a year. Symptoms vary, lucky for me I only got really small tits and a highly irregular period. First thing I was told after being diagnosed was: “You’ll need fertility treatments”. K, cool dude. Mind you I was 18

I was given the pill said it will help balance my hormones. 

Polycystic ovary syndrome increases your risk to ovarian cancer, no doctor I went to ever bothered telling me that ‘cept for the one who I went to see 3 years ago. Which is why I kinda have to keep taking birth controls. 

The regular pill contains estrogen and progesterone hormones. These are the most common type of birth control for women. Problem is, they are not for everyone. When I started taking them I got massive anger fits, I was very emotional and also my sex drive went away. I decided to go off the pill and stick to condoms. Wasn’t in a serious relationship back then anyway. 

But then when I got a boyfriend and wanted to finally go bare and also be extra safe, I decided to go on the pill. I went to a new doctor who told me the pill I was given back then was too strong of a dose for a woman that weighs as much as I do and suggested I’d use the ring. 

The ring is basically a rubber ring you put in your vagina for 3 weeks and then replace it during your period. It contains the lowest dose of hormones and works as a pill. I hated it, my sex drive was still kinda “egh” and it was very uncomfortable. I am a small woman in allllll ways. But I kept using it because I really didn’t want to get pregnant. 

Problem is, I suffer from a type of migraines that are triggered by hormones and may cause a stroke or death.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I didn’t know it back then, I was diagnosed when I was 19, they happened every now until I got 30 and then started getting migraines that lasted for DAYS. impaired my vision, my balance and basically controlled my life. 

After going to a neurologist she said that I am not allowed to use any birth controls that include Estrogen, it can kill me. I went to a gynaecologist and she suggested different types of alternative and decided to go on the mini-pill which only includes progesterone. Unlike Estrogen,  progesterone is less likely to hinder your mood, your sexual desire and your body weight. I lost 2 kilos after going on the mini pill and the additional side effect is that my monthly bleed is gone for over 2 years. My tits are gone too since Estrogen kinda enlarged them. I’m barely a B cup now :D 

The bad news: every few weeks I get acne, my skin is very imbalanced now, but it also might have to do with the fact that I have PCOS, it’s one of the symptoms. It’s not as bad because my skin clears out eventually. 

Not everyone “loses” their monthly bleed, a lot of women have an irregular bleed sometimes with progesterone. Since of course, every woman is different.

If I didn’t have PCOS, I’d let my body clear itself… and get off the pill, but  progesterone reduces my chances for ovarian cancer and not knowing when I’ll get my next period was really horrible. 

To sum things up, you really need to see what fits you most. Regarding pregnancy, yes, nature finds a way (I went there). My chances to get pregnant are more slim but I was still paranoid whenever I had sex with my ex and I did end up taking a pregnancy test just to be sure even though I was very strict with my birth control. I guess there are ways to tell if you’re pregnant. You know, if you are taking the regular pill you should be getting your period, however, some women still bleed while they are pregnant so even that is not 100%. But it’s pretty rare. 

I hope I find;t scare you.  Also, do mind, I am not a doctor, I am just sharing my personal experience. :D