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I overthink things you've never even thought of
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I hit a big milestone! I moved down from class III to class II obesity on the BMI chart. The last time my weight was this “low” was before the pandemic started. It feels good to have made such a big change this year. I still have a really long way to go, but I have lost 43 pounds already. I do feel like I’m slipping back into some old habits in terms of food choices and not making time for exercise. I’ve been really stressed with work recently and everything else has been back burnered, but after tomorrow I will be able to reassess where I’m at and what needs to change.
I’m also interviewing for a new job this week. It sounds like a really good job teaching at a clinic at my law school. I don’t know if I’m qualified enough to get the job and I don’t know if I would even take it if it was offered. But my current job just makes me feel like no one listens to me and like the agency doesn’t really value me as an employee. I asked for a promotion in July. I was told “soon.” We’re now well into September and absolutely nothing has changed. It’s frustrating and I feel like I’m being taken for granted.
ANYWAY that’s my life update if anyone cares.
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I’m currently dealing with:
Allergies giving me a headache
My period giving me a headache
Semaglutide giving me a headache
I’m gonna die. My brain can’t take this
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I miss when old navy and gap made decent clothes that held up and didn’t do that weird thing where they get shorter and wider after washing
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Person who wants to do stuff trapped in a body that needs to lie down
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Not texting this guy I met on tinder is the hardest thing for me right now. He is sooooo cute and we had a nice conversation. BUT I am doing my EMDR this summer and I know I have to work through my rejection issues before I will really be in a place to be a good partner for anyone, let alone this particular guy. I think it’s progress that I have held off for this long, though. I am learning from my mistakes!!!
I’m also using this summer to really work on myself overall. I’m going to ask for a promotion when my boss gets back from vacation. I was contacted by a recruiter at a firm with a really good reputation (but also lots of hours u know how it is) and I am going to just see where that leads. I am still losing weight (31 lbs so far!) and trying to be more active. I’ve even done some jogging, although as has been the case throughout my life, my knee really hurts when I do that. So I will have to stick to walking. I also got Botox for the first time!! It’s still taking effect but I’m excited about it. I am also looking into some volunteer opportunities at local hospitals so I can do something good with my free time (and meet cute doctors).
I feel like I’m on track and setting myself up for success in different ways than I have in the past, and I’m very excited about that. I’ve spent a long time, pretty much since the start of covid, receding into myself and struggling and kind of regressing with my mental health. I think now I’m ready to make big changes and put myself back out into the world.
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“When you complain you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
— Eckhart Tolle
#currently trying to decide which option is actually possible for me#for the time being just drowning in madness
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Not only are we being forced to use AI assistants, they’re too new to be able to really do anything. There are no other options to ask for help because companies want you to use AI, but the AI bot can’t resolve any of your issues
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Everyone I know is annoyed with me right now 🙂
#all my friends#I had an outburst in teams yesterday#and absolutely no one supported anything I was saying#and now I’m worried my potential promotion is in jeopardy because I didn’t act like everything is ok#I just want to go home and then wfh tomorrow#but I have to stay a while longer today and I have a 9:30 tomorrow#I’m straight up ready to get a new job and move to a new city#I can’t take this#I can’t handle everyone being sick of me
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THE PARENT TRAP (1998) dir. Nancy Meyers
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I’ve been on semaglutide for about 4-5 months now and I’ve lost 30 lbs. it’s been really fantastic. This is the most weight I’ve lost in one go in probably 10 years. It’s also coming off at a reasonable pace of 1-2 lbs per week on average, so it’s manageable for my body. But honestly all I can think about is wanting to lose more weight faster. I am sure the reason it’s so hard for me to lose weight is also contributing to the slower weight loss, but I’m like… what about all these other people that lost 60+ pounds in the same amount of time? I still need to lose about 80-100 pounds (I’ll have a better idea closer to that goal). I know steady weight loss tends to plateau for most users at around 18 months. I just have this soul crushing urge to be thinner. Even when I am moving toward that goal it’s like nothing is happening fast enough.
#I still feel invisible#I still feel ugly#I still feel like society sees me as having no value#I just KNOW things would improve if I lost weight#I know it because when I lost a lot of weight before people actually acted like I existed#they treated me better#I wasn’t invisible
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