#my deadline is thursday night so wish me luck

[nettlestingsoup]

i told myself when i was in the coffee shop this morning that i'd work on one of my priority fics later.

what i did instead was spend ten hours making a stuffed toy fish that i haven't even finished.

[becomewings]

Archived Network Event

2020 Secret Bunny Exchange

hai lovely! Im sparkle and I’m going to be your secret bunny. I hope you’re having a good day or night. 🥰 -sparkle ✨💫

Hello Sparkle dear! Thank you for being my secret bunny. I hope you are having a good day/night too and enjoying this wonderful comeback.

I’m enjoying it too! It’s such a good comeback, and I honestly love it. This is like my second comeback with them. -sparkle 💫✨

This is my first comeback, eek! I was not at all prepared for how much I would be waiting on the edge of my seat, but it's been really exciting!

Yes! It's such a good comeback honestly. When did you first get into BTS? What drew you to them? I'm sorry I'm asking for many questions. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨

It's okay, ask away! ^^ I stumbled across BTS by accident...which may indicate just how much I live under a cultural rock. I actually don't usually listen to much pop music. I'm a classically trained composer and video game soundtracks and moody indie/rock are more my jam, but last year I heard the YouTube ad that uses part of DNA and it intrigued me. I didn't know which song it was so I ended up listening through quite a bit before finding it...and fell absolutely in love along the way! So I have a soft spot in my heart for DNA. How about you, Sparkle? What got you into BTS?

So first, I hope you're having a too day/night! It's been a very long and busy one for me. I'm so glad to be off. Alsooo, I've been into Kpop for around 10 years now, so I've always enjoyed and I have a soft spot for 2nd gen kpop groups. When BTS started to get popular I didn't like them at first. But I saw Dope after the FBE channel reacted to them and I'm like okay they seem interesting around 2018. Lol. And I went down the hole, and have been stuck since. Lol. They're amazing. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you Sparkle, hope you enjoy your evening off! Mine was busy too (we’re prepping for a move, eep) but at least it was productive. Wow, you’ve been into Kpop for a long time! Dope is really catchy (and I love that honky sax haha), I’m not surprised it got you interested and then hooked. :) Do you have a favorite era? Mine is probablyyy Wings, but I love most of Love Yourself too, and HYYH is so wonderfully nostalgic even if I wasn’t a fan then... and I’m a big fan of this new era too

Moving sucks! I'm going to be moving in the next year or so, and I"m not read for it. And yes! I've been into it for so long. But HYYH is one of my favorites as well. I think mine may be LY because that was the era that I started stanning them. I forget which one, but it's the one with idol as their title song. Wings is super amazing, and one of those that I'll always listen to. MOTS is just GOD TIER. Lol. I love it. -sparkle 💫✨

Haha MoTS being god tier is accurate xD Sounds like your move is a little ways off, but I wish you the best of luck when it happens! Ours is on a fairly tight deadline so I really have to hustle this weekend with house preparations (we still need to sell ours). I hope you have a lovely weekend, dear Sparkle! 💫

It is a little ways off, but moving just sucks in general. The packing and unpacking and then trying to get everything ready. Especially in your case. But I hope everything works out for you. And I hope you have a beautiful weekend too. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! We made a lot of progress today so I feel a bit better (and extremely tired). When the time comes, I hope you have the opportunity to prepare ahead for your move so it doesn't stress you too much. :) Have a nice start to your week! ✨

Heyyy! It's me sparkle! It's been alright so far, let's how it stays that way. And I'm glad you've made more progress on your move! Hopefully your Monday was good. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! There's so much going on in the world right now, close to home and far away... I am trying to stay calm and positive, with varying degrees of success. Please take care of yourself! (And that goes to everyone... I know it is difficult because we all have our own obligations to school, work, family, etc., but please try to prioritize your health and stay safe 💜)

Yes! I hope you’re staying safe. I don’t know what area of the world you live in and I know the virus is hitting others harder than most. We have 8 reported cases here. And it’s a scary to me. I hope you are staying safe. I just said that twice. Lol. Happy Thursday! -sparkle ✨💫

Thank you, you too! I live in the US (California, to be somewhat specific) and so far there have been two confirmed cases in my county. I'm grateful the university I work at is (finally) taking precautionary measures by banning large gatherings and moving classes temporarily online, and that I can continue working unless there is a full campus closure... Trying not to be too anxious about things that are simply out of my control and hoping that things gradually work out and improve. I'm also grateful for the community here, even if I don't know anyone personally, it is nice to come online and see people being reassuring and encouraging to each other from all across the globe.

Music and BTS are a good distraction when needed... Now that their promotional period is done, do you have a favorite moment?

I'll repeat you too, please stay safe dear, you and everyone who happens to read this 💜

I truly wish that my job would take some measures, and they have yet. I work with the general public a lot as a secretary. So it's like seriously having me on edge. I know the schools year have temporally closed down and moving things to online since it was spring break here. As well as the public schools closing for a month. Honestly, I'm not sure if I have a favorite moment honestly. Lol. They were all good moments, but I did quite enjoy watching all the ON performances. What about you?

I truly hope your employer catches on soon and makes accommodations so that you can practice some social distancing and have a safe work environment. We were just informed today that we have to work from home two days next week, on rotation, to keep our department staffed but also reduce the number of people on the floor -- for next week only so far, but I won’t be surprised if it continues past that. I can’t fulfill all of my responsibilities from home, so I’m grateful that they are allowing us to complete online trainings and such in the meantime. I am also so glad it’s Friday. What a week it’s been.

Ahh, I love ON! As a former member of drumline and marching band, I have such a fondness for the drum corps elements they incorporated into the music and background choreography. I was excited for the Official MV version too, so beautiful and thought-provoking! I also looove Black Swan (JIMIN’S DANCING EEK). I haven’t been as excited about something in a long time as when I stayed up late to catch their first performance on James Corden. So while I’ve enjoyed all of the comeback (especially as it’s my first!), that was particularly memorable for me. The surprise MV drop was also lovely 🦢🖤

Sorry, I am really rambly tonight. Please take care and have a good weekend! Hope you can get lots of rest! 💗

It’s been a long couple days! Sorry I haven’t gotten back with you! I’ve been stressed about everything going on, and I do hope that they catch on soon too. I was very excited for this comeback and the art in their videos has been beautiful. Black Swan and Jimin dance break? Quality content honestly. Yes! The surprise MV was great. I prefer this version of Black Swan over the other, but both are good. I hope you had a good weekend! -sparkle 💫✨

Hi again Sparkle, thank you for checking in on me! Please don't apologize for messaging delays, there's no need! We all signed up for this event long before any of this started, so I'm grateful you can spare a little time to chat with me. 💜 I'm working from home for at least the next 3 weeks because my uni is now fully closed... But I'm very grateful I have that opportunity. (As much as sometimes I would just like to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over, hah!)

Please continue to take care of yourself! Hope you find some comfort in music or other personal hobbies!

How are you doing? Last week was so stressful for me. So I am quite happy to be working from home this week. I hope you are staying healthy and happy through all of this! How was your week last week? I hope your weekend was alright? I had a pretty decent one me and a couple close friends had game night, and that was the highlight of my weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

I missed hearing from you, Sparkle! (But totally understand, the world is upside down right now.) I’m sorry you had a stressful week and I hope this one is better for you as you transition to working from home. My days have just fluctuated between quiet/boring and a little stressful (mostly re: house stuff, but that’s out of my control at this point), but I suppose I’m glad it hasn’t been worse than that.

Ooh what are your favorite games?? I’ve been trying to keep up creative side work between writing and blog content, but… I might purchase Animal Crossing soon hehe. Do you have any other hobbies to help distract you from stress/everything that’s going on? Take care dear! 💗

I know! I let time get away from me honestly! I hadn't been meaning too. I miss talking to you! I love all kind of games. I'm not particularly picky, but i do like that Game of LIfe. I've had just about ever version they've made. We played this one called Blockbuster in reference to movies and it was fun because if you know a lot of movies it's somewhat easy but you have to act out some of hte titles. Lol. Animal crossing seems like fun, everyone talks about it. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I’ve never played it before. I’ve been thinking of getting an Nintendo Switch, but I don’t know how often I would play it. I know that game comes on there. But I heard it’s also an app? I’m not entirely sure. Lol. Also, I’m planning on making you a gif set for the secret bunny exchange! I know you said you love Jimin (my bias wrecker and sweet baby), Kookie, and Tae. And you were right, it’s hard to pick just ONE. Is there any particular one you want to see in a gif set? -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

Receiving messages from you makes me happy! ^^ I know life is strange right now though so completely understand if you don’t have time. I’ll be patiently waiting!

So you like tabletop games? Sounds fun! I gravitate toward video games more personally, but haven’t had too much time lately to play. There are definitely fun ones to try if you ever get a Switch! There’s Breath of the Wild of course, which I admit I am still holding off on finishing because I don’t want it to be over LOL, some Mario & friends party games if that’s your jam, as well as some really beautiful indie games (Gris for example!). ANYWAY I won’t ramble about that anymore haha. I’m not sure what the app is, if you were referring to Animal Crossing–might be a companion to the game? I saw a tweet referring to using an app for quicker messaging in AC lol, but I haven’t played the game myself yet. 

Aw thank you so much for asking about the gift (and for making it in the future)!! Oh dear you want ME to pick one? If I’m honest, I think Jimin and Tae light up my heart the absolute most (any vmin content gives me life but totally understand if that’s not your thing) but… please don’t ask me to… choose between them HAHA. How about you go with whoever would give you the most joy to gif right now?? I will truly be happy to receive any gift from you, regardless of who is featured. :’)) thank you dear!! 

(Edit: btw who is your bias??)

I love tabletop games, and I play a lot of video games too. So don't get me wrong, I am huge into video games, but I don't play them as often. my boyfriend uses his PS4 all the time. I'm still trying to get through SpiderMan, but that's also because I don't wanna end it. I'm almost finished though. And yes! It's so hard to choose just one honestly, so I get your dilemma. And I can do vmin content! I don't gif them much and I want too. I can't wait to work on something for you! -sparkle 💫✨

Yay!! Sounds like we might have that in common. I have a huge appreciation for video games (and video game soundtracks is one of my favorite ‘genres’ of music, recognizing that they’re incredibly diverse of course), but I spend more time watching videos of other people playing them than playing them myself haha. We have a PS4 too. SpiderMan looked fun but I never tried it! I loved watching my partner play FFXV and Death Stranding. Trying to remember what I’ve actually finished on PS4, it’s been awhile lol... Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture and Rime were beautiful. I started Last Guardian but didn’t get very far before life got too busy. :( Hope I can pick it up again some day! Do you have a favorite PS4 game?

Aww you’re too kind. I’m so excited to see what you create!! And to chat with you off-anon. :) Who is your favorite member to gif?

Yes, I also like watching other people play video games, but it's rare when I do. I always end up getting distract sometimes. I've played SpiderMan, Horizon Zero Dawn, which are my favorites as well as Tomb Raider. I do really like FFXV, but i haven't played it in so long though. I can't wait to talk to you off anon either. I be having to really make sure I press the anon button. adlfkjsl I"m bad at forgetting. And Yoongi is my favorite to gif. -sparkle 💫✨

Oo I forgot I watched some of Horizon Zero Dawn too! Very impressive game. It looks like a lot of fun and I might try to play it myself in the future.. but like you said, it’s easy to get distracted. Life just likes to get in the way huh. Have you seen/heard of Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice? Intennnnse. I’m an absolute coward when it comes to horror games (or movies) and somehow my partner tricked me into playing one of the scariest parts because he got too scared HAH. That being said, as much as I love really emotionally intense games, I love soft gentle ones too… especially chill co-ops! (I’m thinking of the one we played most recently, Pode… that was on Switch though.)

Yayy Yoongi! I really do love all of BTS, and while the maknae line ran off with my heart, I have a big soft spot for Yoongi. I was never really drawn to rap/hip-hop except maybe Linkin Park like in middle school am I dating myself until I met Yoongi and just… wow.  ._. He’s so expressive in his delivery, his lyrics are heart-breakingly raw and honest, and he has extraordinary range between his gentlest material and the lines that come at you with a knife. Also I’m so proud of him for continuing to work as a producer and refine those skills on top of his life as an idol. What are your favorite things about Yoongi? If you can even choose haha 💗

Lol I know what you mean, I was really paranoid the first 2 weeks about sending anon messages to my other partners on mobile because the interface was different and I was really suspicious of the term ‘public’ vs ‘private.’ And every time I send the ask for about 5 seconds I question whether or not I clicked anon.

P.S. I should keep my mouth shut but … I have an itty bitty guess of who you may be. I won’t say any more than that and I guess I’ll find out in 2 weeks whether I’m right or wrong haha. xD take care sparkle dear!!

That game was really fun honestly. I still haven't finished. And sameeee! I am not into the horror games. The movies I can do, but the games I'm just too scared to really play them. I tried Resident Evil, and I was like this is a BIG FAT NO. Lol. And I haven't heard of that game though, but it sounds intense by the name of it. I also like soft gentle ones, or the ones were it's not a lot of challenging aspects to it. I really like Spyro. The original and the remake. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

Linkin Park is one of my favorite groups. I love them, and miss Chester so much. Also it sounds like we're maybe around the same age because that's when I got into them maybe? And I am so proud of him for everything that he's done. Yoongi originally wasn't my bias at first. I think maybe it was going to be Taehyung, but watching their variety shows made me fall in love with him. Outside of his hard exterior, he's so sweet and loving of the boys. It's so hard to just pick one! -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Okay, so one more. Lol. Because the ask limit is so short! I get paranoid all the time, and i have to like double check to make sure I Press it. alkdjfls NOW i'm curious as to who you think I am! But I do how you have a wonderful weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

Dying over your Resident Evil reaction because... SAME lol. However. I have enjoyed watching some playthroughs of 7 and the remake of 2, which is the closest I will ever come to watching a horror movie again. xD I have really fond memories of playing Spyro at my cousin’s house as a kid, but haven’t tried the remake yet! It looks like fun too. There are too many good games to choose from, not nearly enough time to play lol.

I only really listened to a couple of Linkin Park’s old albums, but I miss Chester too. \: We could be around the same age yeah! I’ll tell you when we’re messaging off-anon. :) 

If I may tell a story, my discovery of BTS went like this: heard a music clip in a YouTube ad of all places (normally skip them lol but I got it a couple times at work and thought hmm this is catchy). Then had to dive into some compilation videos to figure out which heckin song it was (turned out to be DNA). But along the way I found more songs I liked. And then I fell HARD for the Mic Drop MV (again, a little strange for me, because it’s pretty hip-hoppy). Jungkook makes this super intense expression at one moment that made me go oh. hello. So then I slowly learned who the different members were, and since this was me mostly streaming YT in the background at work haha, I had to keep switching tabs to check who was singing. I loved Jungkook’s singing but then also realized that I loved Jimin’s sweet voice too (yes I admit when I was first getting to know them, I could not always tell them apart). And THEN mister baritone Tae with his unique falsetto and delicious low range (I really wish they featured his chest voice more but OH WELL I digress) snagged my attention and ANYWAY long story short that’s how I fell in love with BTS and also the entire maknae line I guess. :’)

Hehehe I’ll tell you after the event ends if I’m right or wrong, don’t worry. It might be almost over, but I hope you had a lovely weekend too! ♥♥♥

Yes, somehow my sister convinced me to get it like she was going to play the game too, and she did not. I ended up exchanging the game because I'm like this is a waste of money. haha. I usually always skipped them too, so I totally understand. Everyone I knew liked but I had stopped listening to kpop for a while after the members of Big Bang went into enlistment (sad sad times). I first heard Dope. The FBE Youtube channel reacted to them, and I'm like OKAY GUYS. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

When Jungkook hits that high note I was like COME THROUGH VOCALS. So then naturally I had to go and look a few more videos. This was during around the time they had appeared on the AMAs the first time. And then I listened to I Need U and Save Me (this is one of my favorites). And I was hooked. I went and watched their Ellen interviews, and they're so sweet. I ended up binge watching their variety show and Bon Voyage and I was hooked then. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Run BTS was when I realized that Yoongi was my bias. Because I'll admit that I did not like him at first, but I said that already. And then I just realized how sweet and funny he actually his. And I think he's just shy at times. At least in the beginning, but he's so handsome and his stage presence is like a 360 from him being off stage. If that makes sense. I could go on for house about Yoongi. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨3/3

The high notes in Dope are pretty ridiculous because they’re at the start of the phrase so they get little to no preparation lol. Their vocal abilities are truly impressive... and then they do it all while dancing :’) 

I agree that Yoongi’s stage presence is strikingly different from his real self! Or the self we get to see in their behind-the-scenes content lol. Possibly like a lot of people, I thought he was super intimidating and tough until I saw more of him offstage... and then went awww he’s a big softie who just doesn’t pull his punches when he’s rapping and producing.

Do you have any favorite Run BTS episodes? So far I’ve only watched a handful of the recent ones, but all the random gifs and clips of older content warms my heart or makes me laugh. I’d like to eventually watch them all from the beginning... some day lol. (see all previous mentions of being too busy to do anything fun outside of work haha)

They are ridiculous. I love when they hit high notes in songs. All the boys have such a beautiful range, and I love hearing them. Especially when they do their solo songs. Jimin's solos are normally my favorite because his voice is the type I tend to lean towards a lot His stage presence is so different! Just like Jhope's. It's always so different, but it's them all in a nutshell, if that makes sense. Lol. I was in Chorus for a while, and I liked it begin in a group. -sparkle 💫✨1/2

It's easier being in a group, but I could never do it by myself. And favorite Run episode? Hmmm, there are so many that I love. I prefer some of the older episodes to some of the new ones. I'll have to find them again, but there was one where they were doing like this haunted house type of thing and it had me dying of laughter. They're all so funny though. I'm still trying to catch up with some of the new ones they've been doing. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

The vocal line is so wonderful, but I’ve been increasingly impressed with the rap line’s singing too. I have always liked the beginning of Spring Day and I confess it took me an embarrassingly long time to wonder which one of them was singing, and I was surprised to learn that it’s Namjoon. Also his low line in Louder Than Bombs is wonderful... I don’t even care if it’s probably autotuned a little lolol. And I only recently found out about the song Sea, but Tae’s chest-range melody at the very end.. UGHGHGGH it’s too. good. (DEAR BIGHIT COMPOSERS, MORE BARI PLS.)

I had to sing in choir in grad school and ended up enjoying it way more than I thought I would. (I’m a composer/pianist and I needed ensemble credit.) I’ve always been really self conscious about my voice, and now... I would love to take vocal lessons some day. While I know that no two people will play an instrument exactly the same, it’s kind of magical that you don’t know what the true sound or full potential of your own singing voice will be until you train it. Do you play any instruments? :)

The vocal line is amazing. I love all of their voices for different reasons, and sometimes I'm in the mood for one, and then another time I'm in the mood for another. If that makes sense. I haven't listened to Sea that much, but it is such a beautiful song! And you're right. His chest tone HELLO VOCALS. Lol. I'd love to take vocal lessons one day, but not sure if I ever would. And I don't play any instruments, but I would love to learn guitar one day. Lol. It's a dream of mine. -sparkle 💫✨

Hii Sparkle. I’m sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, but it really makes me happy when I receive your messages! Yess Tae’s chest voice deserves all the shouty caps all the time hehe. I hope you have the opportunity to learn the guitar someday if that’s what your dream is! Everyone starts somewhere... I would love to learn the cello too :)) one day haha. 

Do you have a favorite “underrated” bts song? Just curious! Take care dear, looking forward to finding out who you are soon~

Yay! I'm glad you like hearing from me! I really like talking to you. I don't talk to many people on here sometimes, but then other times I do. So this is nice just to be able to talk with a fellow army. One day I will learn it, I just have to learn how to read music first. Lol. Because I definitely don't know how to. Hmm honestly there are a few that I feel are underrated, that i Iove. Spring Day, Hold Me Tight, and Autumn Leaves. These songs are queens! What about you? -sparkle 💫✨

Music is a lifelong learning process but it’s worth it. :’) I believe in you!! 

SPRING DAY!! 🌸🌸🌸 One of my all-time favorites. I honestly might not have a very good awareness of what is underrated and what isn’t, especially among older songs, but... I love Spring Day, The Truth Untold, Jamais Vu, and most recently Sea... lol hm I’m sensing a trend of bittersweet/melancholy songs. But also House of Cards (it’s just so delightfully WEIRD and dark and different??). On the other end of the spectrum (although not sure if it’s underrated?), Silver Spoon/Baepsae. What a jam. Love to tune out the world with that one at work on one of my walk breaks if I had a frustrating day. And maybe it’s too early to tell from MOTS 7, but I get the impression that I might love Louder Than Bombs way more than the average army. And that’s okay :)

I don’t talk to or know very many people on here yet too, probably because my blog is still relatively new. So I’m very glad to be getting to know you

I loved Spring Day as soon as I heard it. I still listen to it a lot when I'm in the mood for it. It's such a beautiful song. The Truth Untold IS A QUEEN. I love that one too. Jamais Vu, I think I have to be in the mood to listen to it sometimes, but it's growing on me. House of Cards, that one I heard last year sometime and I like that one too. I don't listen to it as much. And Silver Spoon is my go too song honestly on my way to work. Louder Than Bombs is really good. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I listen to that one a lot myself. I think We Are Bulletproof 2.0 maybe one, but I'm not sure either. I absolutely adore that song so much. It's such a beautiful mad song honestly. And also you're right this update is kind of weird, but I don't mind the font so much. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Yasss I’m glad you like Truth Untold too. It’s too beautiful. I practically cried when I heard for the first time a live performance video (somewhere in Japan) where he sang a higher note in the climax than in the studio recording auuughgghgh my heart. 

We Are Bulletproof pt. 2 took awhile to grow on me but I was happy when it did. I can be a little odd about the order in which I listen to songs, and usually need to listen in album order, but for some reason I really like that one after No More Dream. Also, though it’s hardly underrated, I now know what all the fuss is about Cypher pt. 3. I’ve been gradually purchasing their older albums (kinda out of order) and finally got to Dark & Wild about a month ago haha. I’m listening to all these mad songs now. Been in a weird sad mood for a lot of today tbh and... mad bts is helping a little haha. So is chatting with you!

I’m probably overreacting about the dashboard, but something about that bubbly serif font is irritating haha. And I don’t see this mythical option to revert to the old dashboard that people are talking about in their settings. Boo. I’ll get over it... eventually haha.

The Truth Untold is one of my favorites, and I normally don't like ballads a lot. It takes me a while to get into them, but this one just caught my eye. I'm learning Korean, and it's one of the ones that I can sing along too while reading the lyrics! I am super proud of that accomplishment. When I was going through their albums after I got into them, I skipped the older ones at first. I wasn't sure if I really liked them. -sparkle 💫 1/2

I listen to a select few of them on their darker albums, but a lot of it isn’t really what I like hearing. Although, I think I may revisit the albums again. It’s been a while since I actually listened to them. haha if you go to settings > dashboard you’ll see it there. Just let it load for a second, adn then it pops up. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

(Ugh I typed an answer and then tried to drop in a screenshot and everything disappeared. Got it, tumblr. No dropping images. REDO.)

Oo that’s awesome that you’re learning Korean! Are you self-studying? How long have you been studying? I’ve been studying Japanese for several years (very slowly lol). Then a few months ago, thanks to BTS, I was suddenly really interested in learning Korean too. I worked on memorizing hangul for a week and then had a “lol what am I doing” moment when I realized I didn’t know nearly enough Japanese yet to realistically tackle two challenging languages at the same time. So Korean is on hold for now, but I really wish I could just… magically be fluent haha. It would be amazing to understand their lyrics or interviews/conversations on the spot without relying on translations. And English is stupidly difficult, so as much as I appreciate how much effort they’ve put into learning too… as an international fan, I wish I could return that effort too and learn their language so that they don’t feel like they need to learn English. 

Love Yourself: Answer was my first album and I purchased that one specifically because it was a compilation and contained most of the individual songs I already knew I liked from YouTube haha. Then I expanded from there. To be honest, if I had found BTS when they were just getting started, or anytime before HYYH, I probably wouldn’t have connected with their music, sound-wise or thematically. But… they were exactly what I needed when I did finally find them. And now I have immense appreciation for their beginnings and how far they’ve come, even loving some older songs/styles that I never expected to. As I mentioned, I don’t usually listen to pop or rap/hip-hop… like ever haha. But something about them just reached into my heart and I’ll be forever grateful to them.

I tried what you suggested (waiting on the page) and… the text kinda jumped at one point as though something else had loaded, but nothing else displayed. Am I derping around on the wrong page? \:

edit: I see it in the source code, idk why the toggle isn’t displaying for me 🙃

Yes! I am self learning. I have been doing it on and off for like two years, but the last part of last year I've been doing it most often. However with everything that's going on, it's kind of slowed down and I've just been focusing on what's going on in the world right now. I feel the same. I think if I would have found them before, I don't think I would have liked them as much as I do now. I do have an appreciation for their older music even if I don't listen it to it much. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

Their first two albums I didn't like as much, but everything from then on I'm pretty sure I am obsessed with when I found them out. Lol. I do remember you say that previously that you don't listen to a lot of that style of music. What do you normally like to listen to? I listen to a lot of everything, so I'm not sure if I have a genre that i really stick too. Although, I think in the beginning i listened to a lot of hiphop/rap and alternative stuff. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Then the older i got the more I got into pop music because I found kpop when I was about 17, and it's been stuck to me ever since. Lol. So I don't know I like a lot of music that makes me feel good and I can dance too or sing along with. I think maybe it depends on my mood. Lol . -sparkle 💫✨3/3

I think that’s awesome that you’re working on learning the language on your own! And I understand the challenges of keeping it up independently, especially in such strange and challenging times... I feel guilty that I stopped my daily kanji studying pretty much as soon as I started working from home. It was initially because I used my commute time to study (I’m in a vanpool) and... definitely lost some motivation once everything started changing. I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself though for taking a break, and I hope you are not either. I’m hoping to get back into soon and reform some study time habits :)

Yeah it sounds like you’ve been listening to Kpop for a long time! ^^ Aside from my fairly recent BTS obsession, I gravitate toward moodier music in general haha. Evanescence was my instant favorite way back in middle school and... tbh I still listen to their albums sometimes! I tended to like anything indie-ish with piano or rock + orchestra. I loved this European band Within Temptation, their music is like a blend of rock and symphonic orchestra. Nowadays, I love video game music and that’s probably what I listen to the most... Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasyyy), who is probably one of my biggest inspirations for pursuing composition, Austin Wintory (Journey, Abzu, etc), and more recently Jessica Curry (everything the Chinese Room studio made lol). The past few days I’ve been streaming the songs from Death Stranding. I admit I don’t tend to have a lot of variety... I’m kind of picky and when I find something I love, I will listen to that obsessively over and over for months on end. Like BTS. xD No regrets haha! But I know I should broaden my horizons too...

I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, but I know I'll get back into it soon as I set a schedule for myself. Evanescence is amazing, that's all I got to say. I love them so much, so I totally get it. That's interesting though. I love learning about others music interest. It's always so different and diverse from mine. And also, I realized I didn't answer your question about the dash, and for some reason I don't know why it's not showing up. You were in the right place though. -sparkle 💫✨

Yayy glad you like Evanescence! Yes it is amazing and also wonderful that we all have unique tastes. I know I should make a better effort to try out new things, because finding something new that I connect with is amazing (see: BTS hehe).

I'm so excited to meet you next week!! Please take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend 💗

Sometimes it’s harder to really step out the box. So I totally understand, but I’ve always kind of had “weird” taste in different music so I like listening to whatever it is I like! And yes! I can’t to show you what I’m working on. I’m still searching for things for it! Lol. So I hope you like it. Also I hope you have an amazing week! And also a good day! -sparkle ✨💫

I woke up way earlier than planned thanks to this new isolation insomnia, but I was so happy to see your message. 💜 I’m so excited to meet you, but don’t feel like you have to rush on the gift! I know whatever you make will be wonderful. I hope you have a great week too. Do you have any ~weird~ music suggestions? I’ll give them a try!

I totally understand how that is. I hate waking up earlier than I want too because then you don't want to get up out of bed, but then you're too awake to go back to sleep. At least that's how i feel. Hmmm, weird music suggestions? I'm not entire sure. I like Florence and the Machine, FK Twigs (this might be an acquired taste), Panic at the Disco. There's so much I listen too, and my mind is going blank. Lol. -sparkle ✨💫

Yeah, that was my feeling exactly. :( At least I put in a couple extra hours of work, so I’ll get to take a shorter Friday. Or whichever day we try to brave a grocery run.

Thank you, I will check them out! Hehe due to your comment, I am intrigued by FK Twigs. For some reason I couldn’t really get into Panic at the Disco in high school, even though I had friends who loved them, but... I do appreciate that someone made an Emote! at the Location bot on twitter. xD

I hope you are having a good week so far! Tbh mine has been a little gloomy, but... I am really looking forward to meeting you! And finding out if my guess is right haha :’)) Take care dear!

And I loved Panic! They were so good, I still love them or Brendon Urie. Lol. FK Twigs is really good, but I know she's not for everyone. I really enjoy her music honestly. And honestly, I'm just about finished with your gif set. I have to find a few more videos and I'll post it probably tomorrow or later tonight depending on when I finish. And hmm, I don't know I don't think it is, but it shouldn't be long though. however, I'm really curious to know who you think I am. -sparkle ✨💫

EEek I’m so excited!! (Please don’t stay up late just for me though!)

As much as I am terrible at branching out, I do enjoy finding new music I like, so thank you again for the suggestions! I will try to listen with open ears and mind haha. Have you heard of Fleurie? I stumbled across her music when an artist I followed made a piece inspired by some of her lyrics. She might be quite a bit different than the artists you recommended though.

I’m going to feel a little silly if I’m wrong, but I’ll tell you after the reveal so I don’t make a fool of myself early. xD Can I ask you one question – do you know your Myer-Briggs type?

I'll probably go to bed soon. I'm actually in bed. I just got stuck on the tiktok app, and I really shouldn't. I've never heard of her, but I'll have to check her out tomorrow and see what she's about. And yes! I do know my Myers-Briggs type! -sparkle ✨💫

Oops you fell down the internet rabbit hole before bed :) Hope you didn’t stay up too late and got enough rest!

Love and War is the first song I found by Fleurie, and it’s also the title of one of her albums. It’s a little bit older but probably my favorite overall! I love the song Hurts Like Hell. It’s devastating but beautiful.

Have a great day, hope to talk to you more soon! 💜

p.s. I’m INFJ ✨

I did fall down the rabbit hole of the internet. It always happens. Also you should check out Kerli! she's really interesting, and I really like her music. Her music videos are also really nice. Intriguing at most. Lol. And I'm infj too! -sparkle ✨💫

I know the reveal has been made, but I didn’t want to leave this sitting all alone in my inbox.

Thank you, Ash, for taking the time not only to make me a beautiful gift but to talk with me this past month. Thank you for being a light and comfort in these uncertain times. I will miss your little surprise messages, but I hope we keep in touch. Now I will go back to liking your wonderful posts (because I confess I held back once I started to guess who you were, I didn’t want you to be suspicious either HAH). I’ve said it a lot but I really hope you stay safe, healthy, and happy!!  💗✨💫💗

[erinthewriter-blog]

4 Writing Habits And Why They Work!

Every year I make a laundry list of New Year’s resolutions even though I will only stick to (maybe?) three of them and then feel bad about it because I love to ruin my life with my own hubris! Can I get a YEHAW if you feel the same??

*A silence emptier than my bank account fills the room*

Anyway, here are some spicy writing resolutions that I’ve actually stuck to and have made me more focused and reliant on habit rather than willy nilly inspiration. So let’s start off with an easy one, shall we?

1.     Put your phone across the room when you write.

This was my writing resolution for 2016 and it has completely changed the game and now its second nature to not even look at/ think about my phone when I write. This is my idiot proof way of squashing my excuses, distractions, and inability to stop switching between apps until I feel alive and validated again.

WARNING: this does cause Grandma Syndrome. Your friends will give up on texting you, but will invite you to Thirsty Thursdays via voicemail.

2.     Do not write in your bed!

This was my resolution for 2017 and now having done it for two years it has really helped me separate work from relaxation. Writing isn’t my full time job. I would love it to be someday, but in order to do that I have to grind when I get home from work.

However I used to have a habit of over doing it an slipping into a toxic “you have to work 24/7 for your dream or else your life is a failure” mentality and it would be hard for me to shut off at night and just got to bed when there was no line between work and relaxation and for me, that line needed to be my bed.

·        I also do a thing called “Hypnotize thyself.” I know, stay with me…

I know a lot of people like to get in the writing mood by lighting a candle, making a sacrifice, listening to their curated fantasy novel playlist while topless bae feeds them grapes. But that doesn’t work to me. If I put some bops on I’m going to sing and dance along to the bops.

So its standard that whenever I write I put on indie folky music because it feels very indie darling movie trailer/ hoity toity Netflix Original and that shit will always put me in the mood to write, so find your thing!

3.     Make appointments for people to read, critique, and possibly edit your work!

This was my resolution for last year and although it was scary, it was incredibly helpful and I could feel myself becoming better because it allowed me to realistically see how people interpreted my work.

I recommend this because it helped me stick to concrete writing deadlines when I knew someone was expected to receive my work on a certain day, It helped to point out big picture issues, It helped me create the most polished piece of writing I’ve ever made, It allowed me to see my work for what it truly is and not just what I see in my head, and I learned that if multiple people tell me a section or character isn’t working I should listen and fix it.

4.     Make what you love and make it a lot!

This is my resolution for this year and the idea is to Make It And Move On! Put your work online and then make another one and then another one because making things helps you make better things.

This year my goal is to push past my fear of failure and inadequacy and make 12 sketches/ shorts to put on my YouTube channel (where you can also find video versions of everything I write here) so that I can strengthen my filmmaking/ screenwriting and hopefully create a portfolio to make the long form art I want to create in the future so wish me luck!  

Alright guys, that’s all that I have for you today! I hope that you found my niche musings to be helpful. If you want to check out my writing, you can click here and I will see all of you lovely people in my next time. Happy writing!

[pbandjesse]

I don't feel so good. I don't know what hit me all of a sudden but I just feel bad. My jaw started hurting really bad and I started crying and so I took some medicine and the pain is going away but I just feel sick. I think I'm going to have to go eat something. Not fun.

I really prefer James last night. And today. But he was just so sad. I understand why he's hurting so bad about losing something so important to him. Thankfully he does have a second bike but it's not the bike he's had since high school. It's not his favorite thing. And the other bike has to be fixed and that's going to cost him almost $100. We're having terrible bike luck lately. And I hate seeing how much pain he was in.

We slept okay. I think he was just emotionally exhausted and passed out. I slept okay because of the air conditioning. And we woke up around 8. Had a slow morning. James stretched and took a shower. I got dressed and played on my phone. And we left a little bit after he ate a muffin.

We walk to the pet food store and got Sweet Pea stuff. Cat food. And then we walked back to my apartment. James talked to his friend on the phone. And we got back to my place. On the way back in the alley we found two really nice bar stools. So we carried them back to store for when we move. Hopefully we'll have a bar or counter we can use them with because they're really nice.

Our plans were kind of changed because we are originally going to go for a bike ride. Couldn't do that because James is other bike is broken and the bike store wasn't open on Memorial Day. So instead we walked to the bus and went to Patterson Park. It was a nice day out. And I didn't want to waste it.

I felt very anxious about lots of things today. But it was nice being with James. We took the bus and we got up there and my jaw was hurting all of a sudden. So we walked along the edge of the park and went to the Rite Aid. Got some extra sunscreen and aspirin headed back.

And we walked around the pond. Tried to balance a Furby on a lily pad. She only got a little damp. I liked touching the water. And seeing all the fuzzy milkweed looking stuff flying in the air. It's nice just being outside with my boyfriend.

We did that for a while looked at the community pool and found out the prices. When we walked up to the main street to find lunch. Pizza place where we're going to go was closed for the holiday so we went to the cheap pizza place down the street. Which was fine but used a little bit too much cheese. And then we had a back and forth about carrying the leftovers. Because I wanted to put it in tin foil and put it in my backpack. But James want to carry a box and for some reason that stress me out real bad. I don't know why the idea of having that box made me so on edge but it really did. Even if I wasn't carrying it. But James got his way and we went back out.

We went to the thrift store that's on the Main Street that I passed on the bus yesterday. Didn't buy anything but it was fun looking around. And then we went back to the park to see the pagoda.

The Pagoda is funny. It's very pretty and it's a landmark but James didn't really know the history of it. There's no real sign. And so we looked it up and it turns out it was originally called The Observatory. And you can see a lot of different parts of Baltimore from it. Back when everything was shorter. And it was really interesting to see that there really isn't any point to it. It's just pretty. And it was made just to be pretty. They almost demolished it in the 50s but they were stored it in the late 90s. That's cool. It's a really nice building.

We sat in front of it for a little while and then we walked up to go to Rita's. I got water ice. My first water ice of the season. James. Peach and I got Cherry. Poured most of it into my water bottle to save for later and then we went to wait for the bus to go home.

Again I was anxious about the bus but it came. And then we took that and transfer to the free bus to go back to my apartment. I loaded up the cart for James to bring back home with him in our slow move. Just a couple things that fit and I didn't need in my day-to-day life. And then we said goodbye.

I think that's been the hardest thing about packing because I'm still living in this apartment that it's hard to decide what I can give up on the day-to-day stuff. I took down all the art from all the rooms except for my bedroom. And I took a lot of books and put them in suitcases. Still got a lot of books that didn't fit but it's something.

We're making progress though. I think a bunch of my trucks are going to be going half to his parents house and half to his apartment in the coming weeks. I finished packing the one trunk with all of my nick-nacks. Not all all but a good amount of them. Pretty much everything from the bookshelf. And I do have one empty trunk back in my closet then I'm going to be able to use. But I'm trying to use as few cardboard boxes as possible since I have so many containers. And suitcases. And trunks. But it's progress.

I was frustrated with myself because I had just had four days off and I don't feel very rested. Honestly feel stressed out still. I do feel better than I did last week but I just wish I had more time to do nothing. Not that that will make you feel better but I need to finish my lesson plans and I need to finish that to sculpture for the dentist for our trade and I just couldn't get myself to do it. This week I will do that. Tomorrow is the kids art show so I'm not getting home till late but I plan on working on that shoe sculpture and finishing it before Friday. And I'm going to finish my lesson plans on Wednesday on Thursday morning. I want all that done before the end of the week. I'm giving myself a hard deadline. I have to get my act together. Never honestly just been a little overwhelmed by life and everything but the school Year's almost over.

Actually the Saturday is me and James this one year anniversary. We decided that we're going to celebrate on Friday when we both have the day off. And I'm really looking forward to it. Can't believe it's been a year though. Here's to many more.

I'm going to start getting ready for bed now. I have a long day tomorrow. Museum school kids art show sculpture time it's going to be a long day. But I hope it's a good day. And I don't get rained on too much.

I hope you all feel good out there. Sleep well. Good night

[revwinchester]

Just Another Tuesday

Summary: The reader falls asleep watching her favorite show and wakes up to a completely different world, just in time to help the Winchesters save Sheriff Mills.

Pairing: Sam x Reader Other Characters: Dean Winchester, Jody Mills, unnamed demons

Word Count: 4158 (The challenge said “try” to keep it around 3000… and I tried… and I failed)

Warnings: Canon typical violence, mentions of anxiety and panic, major character/minor injury

A/N: This is my almost late and (definitely too long) submission for @impala-dreamer’s Titles are Hard Challenge.  This was not the fic I set out to write but the original idea I had turned out to work better as a Sabriel fic and this challenge was Sam or Dean x reader only so… there’s going to be another fic with a similar title but a very different story sometime in the future.

This hasn’t been beta’d or even really proofread.  I’m probably gonna do that later and update any glaring typos I see but I wanted to get this posted now because the challenge deadline is today and the masterlist has already gone out… oops!  If you’re adverse to typos (which I totally understand, I can be like that sometimes), maybe come back in a day or two to read this one.  I’ll remove this part of the A/N when it’s been proofread.

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ function replaceAll(find, replace, str) { return str.replace(new RegExp(find, 'g'), replace); } function myHandler() { var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; document.body.innerHTML = replaceAll('Y/N', document.getElementById("inputTxt").value, document.body.innerHTML); } // ]]>

Just Another Tuesday - 

“Tuesdays are the worst,” you muttered as you finally pushed through the door at the end of the day.  It had been an especially greuling Tuesday, at that, and you couldn’t wait to unwind in front of the television.  You threw your things on the table, promising yourself you’d put them away later, grabbed a snack and a drink, and plopped down on the couch.  You queued up your DVR to the newest episode of ‘Supernatural’ and pressed play, ready to escape into the world of Sam and Dean Winchester and whatever monster of the week they found themselves up against this time.  You had missed the episode when it had aired on Thursday but, somehow, you had managed to avoid spoilers so far, even on Tumblr, but you knew your luck was wearing thin and, besides, you wanted to be caught up in time for the new episode that was scheduled to air in a few days.

As you watched the episode, you found yourself drawn into the story.  A powerful coven of witches had been kidnapping local women for a ritual and the Winchesters were questioning a local who happened to be named Y/N and even looked a little bit like you.  Dean had teased Sam about how she had been looking at him and his lack of a sex life but the next morning they learned from the sheriff that Y/N had gone missing, too.  The Winchesters saved the day and Y/N and Sam shared a meaningful look but, ultimately, he went back to the motel with his brother.

Your eyelids were heavy and fighting to close by the time the episode ended and you were surprised that you had actually made it through to the end.  Walking to your bed felt like too much effort, especially after the day you had had, so you clicked off the television and pulled a blanket down from the back of your couch and snuggled in for the night.

When you woke the room was darker than you expected and you were warmer and more comfortable than you had any right to be considering you had been sleeping on the couch.  You shifted a little, intending to get up and make your way to your bedroom for the rest of the night, but you stopped, frozen in your tracks as you realized there was a strong arm wrapped around your waist.  The arm pulled you back into a very solid, warm chest and a face nuzzled into your neck as lips pressed kisses into your skin, causing you to tense even more.

“You regret last night that much?” A familiar voice asked, sounding hurt even as the voice’s owner continued to hold you close.  

You felt your body relax at the sound of the voice, despite the fact that you still didn’t know where you were and you couldn’t quite place who the voice belonged to.  Your brain was on high alert but your body seemed to be sure that you knew this man and that you would trust him with your life.  Your mind was whirring and it finally clicked where you had heard that voice before.

But… it couldn’t be.  He was a fictional character.

You turned to face the person with whom you were sharing a bed.  Long, shaggy, brown hair framed a familiar face.  Stubble covered his jaw and sleepy but still bright hazel eyes met your gaze.  “Sam… What am I doing here?”

Sam leaned in and pressed his lips to yours.  “Good morning to you too, Y/N,” he responded with a laugh before trailing his lips across your jaw.

You felt yourself getting lost in the moment until a pounding on the door dragged you back to reality - or whatever reality this was - and you scrambled out of the bed, wrapping a sheet around yourself.

Sam smiled fondly at you as he pulled on his underwear and jeans before answering the door, standing in the doorway and shielding you from whoever was outside.  He was giving you time to gather your clothes, you realized, and you scooped them off of the floor and darted into the bathroom.  

As you got dressed, you heard Sam talking to a few other people, all of whom had familiar voices.  “What the hell is going on?” you muttered to yourself.  Once you were fully clothed, you meandered back into the main room to find that Dean and Castiel had joined Sam.  You pinched yourself, realizing that you must be dreaming, but pain shot through your arm making you whisper “ouch.”  Suddenly, three sets of eyes were on you.

Dean looked back to Sam, an impressed look on his face.  “Sammy!  I didn’t think you had it in you!” he joked, giving his brother a pat on the shoulder.  

Castiel, however, continued to look at you, his penetrating gaze seeming to stare into your very soul.  The angel’s head cocked to the side like you had seen so many times on television.  His eyes were even bluer in person, you thought before banishing the idea from your mind.  This wasn’t real, there was no ‘in person’ happening.  This was a dream or a hallucination or something…

“I can assure you that this is very much real,” Castiel said, answering your thoughts.  He paused for a minute before adding, “You don’t belong here.”

The angel’s brusque words weren’t intended to be rude, you knew the show and his character well enough to understand that, but Sam hissed an admonishing “Cas!” toward him, drawing the blue eyes away from you as Castiel looked at Sam in confusion.  

“No, Sam,” you interjected, drawing all of the eyes back to you, “I think… I think Cas is right.”

Castiel’s head tilted again and Sam’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly but Dean’s reaction to your words was more guttural.  The hunter crowded into your space, forcing you to walk backwards until you were pressed against a wall and he towered over you.  “Who, or should I say what, the hell are you?  How do you know who he is?”

You were terrified.  You knew Dean would be reaching for the gun he kept in the waistband of his jeans or maybe for a knife but you didn’t have any answers.  None that would placate an angry Winchester, anyway.  You tried to shrink back into the wall, wishing that you could wake up from what was quickly becoming a nightmare as you saw the demon knife in Dean’s hand.  

“Dean, stop.  She’s human.”  

Castiel’s words made Dean take a step back but his face was still hard.  “Start talking,” he commanded.

You tried but no words would come.  You could feel the tears beginning to well in your eyes and as you struggled to blink them back, you finally managed to blurt out, “This isn’t real.  None of this is real.  You’re… you’re not REAL!”

Your shout made Dean take another few steps back and you allowed yourself to slide down the wall.  Sitting on the floor, you drew your knees up against your chest and tried to manage your breathing.  You heard the door open and close again, not sure if someone was coming into the room or leaving it, but you didn’t care.  You stared at your knees, trying to make sense of what was going on around you.  

Finally, a large hand on your shoulder pulled you out of your thoughts.  There was comfort in the touch and you looked up to see Sam crouching in front of you.  “Talk to me,” he asked, his eyes worried, “what’s going on in your head?”  

He gave you what could only be described as puppy dog eyes and you allowed him to help you to your feet and sit beside you on the foot of one of the beds.  Cas was still there, standing near the table in the room, but Dean was nowhere to be found.  

“Where’s your brother?” you asked weakly.

Sam smiled at you.  He was clearly worried but staying calm to help you keep calm, too.  “He’s picking up breakfast,” he told you.  You had seen every episode of Supernatural multiple times, so you knew Sam’s tells and you were sure there was more to Dean’s disappearance than that but you decided not to push it.  “What did you mean when you said we weren’t real?”

You took a deep breath and stared at the floor as you answered, not sure how Sam would react.  He’d probably think you were insane, hell, you were starting to question your sanity yourself.  “You… Dean… Cas… you’re not real.  None of you.  You’re fictional characters on a tv show.”  As you spoke, you realized just how crazy this all sounded but you couldn’t manage to stop talking now that you had started.  “I fell asleep on my couch.  This is either a weird dream or one of my friends pulled so many strings and called in about a million favors to pull this off.  Is this a practical joke?”  You looked at Sam.  “Please, please, please tell me if it is.  You can drop the act and I promise I won’t turn into a crazy fangirl.  As much as I love you two, I’m too drained to really freak out about being with Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins… and Jensen is right outside, yeah?”  Your voice was small and quiet as you spoke but Sam, or Jared, or Sam, or… having him smile next to you was helping.

The man - or angel, you really had no idea at this point - at the door stepped forward and touched two fingers to your temple.  Warmth flooded through your body and you felt yourself relaxing and calming down some, only for your anxiety to spike again when you realized what had just happened.  “I believe you’re from an alternate universe, Y/N” Cas told you.  “A world similar to ours but with a few key differences.  What’s the last thing you remember before you arrived here?”

You thought back to the night before.  “I had a rough day.  Tuesdays are usually pretty bad but this one was especially terrible and when I got home I fell asleep on the couch while watching Supern… watching my favorite show.”

You heard Sam’s breath hitch a little as you spoke.  “You were about to say Supernatural, weren’t you?” he asked.  “That’s why those names - Jared, Jensen, Misha - sounded familiar.”

You caught onto his train of thought almost immediately.  “The French Mistake,” you whispered.  “Except, that was just an episode of the show.  It didn’t really happen; Misha’s not dead.”

Sam grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze.  “It happened for Dean and I, so I guess your world is similar to that one but not exactly the same.”

You nodded, following Sam’s train of thought.  “How are you so calm about all of this?” you asked before you could stop the thought from spilling out of your lips.  

Sam laughed and you wished you could bathe in the sound, almost forgetting your fear and confusion as you watched him.  “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “it’s not funny and I shouldn’t be laughing.  It’s just, that’s not the question I expected you to ask.”  He looked at you like he was trying to figure you out before he continued.  “I’ve traveled in time, met gods and God, and I’ve been to a couple of alternate worlds and timelines myself.  Your situation definitely isn’t normal but it’s not as weird as you might think.”

“Well, thank Chuck I woke up next to the rational brother,” you managed to joke.

Sam laughed again and even Cas chuckled at your words.  “We’ll figure out how to get you home, Y/N.”  His thumb brushed over your fingers as he held your hand.  

You leaned into him and kissed him on the cheek.  “Thank you,” you replied.

Dean came back, then, taking in your and Sam’s joined hands as he entered the room.  He didn’t mention it, opting to set a brown paper bag on the table and rummage through it, tossing some food towards Sam and then something to you, too.

You were able to snag what felt like a breakfast sandwich out of the air with one hand and Dean looked somewhat impressed as you unwrapped the foil that surrounded it.  “I wasn’t sure what you would want to eat so I went with bacon and eggs.  Figured I couldn’t go wrong with a standard like that unless you’re a vegetarian or something.”

You thanked Dean and took a bite of the sandwich, wondering why he was suddenly being so kind to you but deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth.  Over breakfast, you, Sam, and Cas filled him in on what the three of you had figured out.  Dean shuddered when he was reminded of the time he spent as an actor, but agreed that your world sounded similar to that one.

“I’ll pack the car and we can head back to the bunker to figure this out,” Dean offered as he finished his own bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.  He was still eyeing you suspiciously but that could be because Sam was still holding your hand as much as it was because of your nearly unbelievable story and arrival and you tried your best to let it go as he left the room.  

Less than a minute later, Dean was back.  “We’ve got a problem,” he announced.

Everyone looked up at him.  He was standing alone in the doorway and you knew instantly what was wrong.  “Jody needs help.”

Now everyone looked at you, curious as to how you knew that.  Sam and Cas both looked concerned but Dean was looking suspicious and angry again.  “I…” you started, your voice trailing off.  You looked at Sam, finding strength in your favorite character who was somehow now sitting beside you.  “It’s the episode preview.  Last night, just before I fell asleep, it was the last thing I saw.  Dean came into the motel room and told Sam and Cas that Jody called asking for help.”

Sam gave your hand a squeeze and you both turned to look at Castiel as the angel spoke.  

“Did this preview give you any more information?”  He asked.  

All eyes were on you again and you wracked your brain to remember more of the 20 seconds you had been shown.  “They never give much information and sometimes they move so fast through pictures and clips that you can’t actually absorb anything…  Most of this one was you two in the Impala.  They briefly showed someone following Sheriff Mills but I couldn’t see enough to recognize him.”  Your eyes dropped to your lap.  “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Sam said, his hand coming up to your chin and tilting your face towards him, “you’ve already given us more to go on than we usually have.”  He turned to Dean.  “We’ll get her back home and then head out to Sioux Falls.”

“Jody sounded urgent,” Dean replied at the same time as you responded “I don’t know if there’s time for that.”

Dean looked at you with surprise but nodded in agreement.  

“I’d like to help, if I can,” you offered.  “Maybe something will stand out, a location or something from the preview.”  Your eyes darted between Sam and Dean as they shared a silent conversation.  You knew that they were used to people not understanding them but as a fan of the show, you could tell exactly what they were trying to communicate.  

“Sam, you don’t want me to come because you’re worried about my safety and you still think of me as the Y/N you saved from the witches.  Dean, you don’t want me to come because you don’t trust me.  But you both can see the value I’d bring to this with what I know and could potentially remember or piece together.”  You stared at both brothers, daring them to challenge your observations.  You didn’t know where this confidence was coming from but you were going to ride it as long as you could.  “Look, I’m not trained in all of this like you guys were but where I come from, the fans of Supernatural can be almost scary with what we know and what we can do.  I’ve never killed anything but I know the show like Becky knows the books and I swear I’m not going to kidnap you or do anything crazy like that.  Hell, I’m still not positive that this isn’t all some crazy fever dream and I’m not lying in a coma somewhere in my world.  Now, if you don’t mind, I’d really, really, really love to ride in that beautiful car of yours, Dean, and meet one of my maybe not so fictional heroes, Jody Mills.”

The brothers looked impressed, if a little scared, and nodded at one another.  The decision made, you all walked out to where Baby was parked.  There wasn’t any time to waste but you couldn’t help but circle the car, running your hand along her shiny finish.  You had always hoped to see one of the fan made replicas but you knew nothing could stand up to this moment.  

Once you were all in the car and on the road, Dean began quizzing you about how to dispatch various supernatural creatures.  When you even knew how to kill an okami, you could tell the older Winchester was impressed.  “It can’t be easy to find a Shinto priest around here, though,” you observed and Dean actually laughed.  

The Winchesters were everything and nothing like you expected them to be, all at once.  Sam napped in the passenger seat while Dean drove and, once he woke up, the magical Winchester WiFi appeared. It turned out that Sam kept a mobile hotspot in the Impala’s glove compartment and the wifi wasn’t all that extraordinary, afterall.  As the sky grew darker, Sam managed to cajole Dean into letting him drive for a few hours, something that you didn’t usually get to see but made sense - with all the driving the two of them do, Sam has to do some of it and of course it wouldn’t make it to television if he usually took the night shifts.  You had napped on and off throughout the afternoon so you kept Sam company while he drove, using the opportunity to get to know the real Sam Winchester.

When the car pulled into Sioux Falls you were almost sad.  This had already been more exciting and fulfilling than any day at home and all you had done was ride in a car.  You looked out the window and something caught your eye, an old hardware store with the windows covered in paper and a for rent sign out front.

“Stop!  Jody’s in there!” you gasped, pointing at the store.  

Sam turned around in the passenger seat.  “Are you sure?  She texted me not even an hour ago to meet her at the station.”  

“I just… that building was in the preview, for a brief second and it looked like she was walking through abandoned store aisles when that guy was following her,” you explained.  

Sam looked to Dean, who had his phone out and pressed to his ear.  “Jody’s not answering her phone,” he announced as he quickly turned the car into the parking lot.  The boys got out of the car and jogged around to the trunk, loading up on weapons for any possibility.  

Sam loaded a gun and held it out to you.  “You know how to use this?”  

You nodded in response.  You had never actually fired a gun but you understood the mechanics of it.  

“If you need to use it, shoot three times.  That’ll unload a silver bullet, a witch killing bullet, and a devil’s trap bullet into whatever’s coming at you.  It’s enough to stop most things.”

You nodded again, praying that you weren’t up against a vampire, and followed the brothers into the building.  The inside looked exactly as you expected it to and you stayed close to Sam while the three of you maneuvered through the dusty store.  You made it all the way to the back before you heard a sound coming from the store’s back room.  Sam motioned you to stay put and you watched as he pulled the door open.

Suddenly a blast threw him backwards into some of the shelves.  You rushed forward, kneeling in front of him and aimed through the door.  There were two creatures in the room and a person bound to a chair.  The creatures started coming towards you and you raised the gun Sam had given you, firing at one and then the other, three shots each.  You managed to hit your mark and both of the creatures stopped in their tracks.  Dean rushed around the corner and into the room, releasing Jody from the ropes as you made sure Sam was alright.

He was awake and nothing seemed broken so, that was good at least.  “It’s nice to have someone coming to my rescue for a change,” he joked.  It was a weak joke but you took it as a good sign.  

“Looks like we’ve got some demons on our hands,” Dean commented, pulling the demon blade seemingly from nowhere.

If there was one thing that bothered you about Supernatural, it was how the Winchesters had practically abandoned exorcisms in favor of killing the demons.  But that also meant that they were killing the vessel, too, and these people didn’t ask to be possessed.  “Wait!” you called out.  “I shot them in the leg, the vessels won’t be dead.  We should exorcise them.”

“Once these demons are back in hell, what do you think these people are going to do about getting shot?” Dean asked.  “I’ve had the law on my tail more times than I can count and, sweetheart, I don’t think you’re up for that kind of crazy yet.”

Maybe Dean was right.  Evading the FBI had been rough on the boys.  You were about to tell Dean that when Jody spoke up.

“The alarm was tripped, I came to check it out and found these two in here bleeding,” Jody said.  “They’ll give me a description of the person who shot ‘em, if they can even remember, and I’ll follow up with them a few times but nothing will ever get filed.”  Her explanation put you at ease and you let out a sigh of relief.  

“In that case, Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…” you exorcised the demons from their vessels, who then fell to the ground in pain as Jody called for an ambulance.

“I like this one, she’s keeping you boys honest,” you heard Jody say to Sam and you smiled to yourself, excited to hear one of your heroes say that she liked you.  “Now, you three better get out of here,” she whispered and you, Sam, and Dean booked it out of the abandoned shop.

Once you were safely in the Impala and headed back to Kansas, Dean spoke again.  “Even I have to admit, you were pretty solid out there, Y/N.”

Sam smiled as he tapped away at his laptop.  “So get this, there’s been a string of disappearances not to far from here, mostly centered around the lunar cycle.  Sounds like it’s our kind of thing,” he told you both.  “What do you think, Y/N, before you go back are you up for one more job?”

“I think I can handle one more,” you replied with a smile.

It kept going on like that.  After every hunt, Sam would ask if you were “up for one more job,” and you would always agree “I think I can handle one more.”  You became a formidable hunter in your own right as your relationship with both brothers and their chosen family grew.  Cas, Jody, and Donna were the friends you had dreamed of having, Dean was like the brother you had always wanted and Sam was… well, Sam was definitely not like a brother.  

Until finally, after months on the road together, there wasn’t a nearby case to take on and the bubble burst as Dean parked the Impala in the bunker’s garage on a Tuesday afternoon.  

“I guess we should figure out how to get you home,” Sam mumbled, not looking at you.  

“Or, maybe,” you ventured, “maybe I could stay?”  You didn’t want to look at the younger Winchester, afraid that he might reject you, even after everything you had been through together - and done together - over the past 12 or so weeks.

Instead, warm arms surrounded you and large hands were tilting your face up.  Sam practically devoured you with kisses before he pulled back with a grin on his face.  “I’d like that.”

Maybe Tuesdays weren’t as bad as you had initially thought.

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[emilyplaysotome]

Dating Diaries - Chapter 6 - Boomerang

Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.

In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

On Wednesday, three days after my awkward encounter with Makoto and my Dear Kazu letter, I received a TalkTime message seemingly out of the blue. 

“Hey hey. How’s your week going?”

I must have stared at the message and its sender for a good five minutes before I fully processed that perhaps things were not as “done” with Makoto as I’d thought. I felt confused to say the least considering where we’d left things and the fact he’d gone from texting me everyday to radio silence after his typo ridden message.

Below the texts from Mako were two from Kazumi (who had yet to reply to my email as promised). Seeing as how he hadn’t said anything of substance, I’d stayed strong and left his messages “read” but unanswered.

To be honest, it was difficult not having that person to interact with everyday who acted as a boyfriend proxy of sorts, but I knew it was for the best.

Sitting in that silence as a single person had proven to be difficult. I missed the attention and the accessibility to a friend that being in a relationship provided, but I did my best to start thinking about a night alone as an opportunity to do something fun or get something accomplished that would make me feel better. 

The first night I’d cleaned out my closet which was a not-so-sexy task on my to-do list that had been there for months. The second night I’d rented a few girly movies I’d missed in the theaters and got really yummy takeout. The third night I finally finished the novel I was reading on and off for the past month.

I began to notice that as time went on, sitting with silence began to get easier, and even though it hadn’t been that long upon seeing that text I suddenly felt shaken out of my newly “single and free” headspace and thrust back into utter confusion.

Mentally determining that both of these relationships were over had caused me to shift gears and accept my “singleness” in a way that I hadn’t been able to do before. I was not only prepared for nights of total solitude, but more importantly had actually planned a week for myself around it with that as a theme of sorts. I’d planned to play some otome games, reconnect with a few friends, and really give my apartment a good scrub down.

I also realized that until I was really single and free, I wouldn’t be able to properly heal and learn what it meant to be selfish for me.

Makoto’s text hung in limbo for a bit, until I determined that I wasn’t ready to fully close the door on him (or at least wanted closure if he was going to send a “breakup” text). I waited until I was finished with work, and sitting on the subway with nothing better to do on my commute home I drafted a few responses until I finally replied with, “Hey - it’s good. Busy! How have you been?”

I sat there, the signal on my phone going in and out as the train hurtled between stations, holding my breath as I waited for what I assumed would be an obligatory, “Sorry I’ve been out of touch...after doing some thinking I don’t think we’re right together” type of follow up.

Fifteen minutes later, three stations away from my stop, the phone chimed.

Same :) when do i get to see you again?

I was so stunned, that despite being in public my inner phono-semantic monologue of “Uooh-eh?” tumbled from lips louder than I would have liked on such a crowded train. The woman sitting next to me glanced over at my phone, then me, and shot me a knowing and sympathetic look which indicated she’d experienced hew own fair share of confusion at the hands of the men she was dating.

Taking the lessons I’d learned during my three days of being completely “single” I did not want to prioritize Makoto above myself, or plans I’d already made with friends. My singlesness had inspired me to schedule things up until Sunday night, so I figured I’d offer up that free block time and see what happened.

Hmmm...maybe Sunday? This week is kind of jam packed with friends and work.

My friend Ayoto is having a small holiday party that night. You could come if you’d like? Or if you’re free Friday, someone I know is having a show at a gallery of his photos and it should be casual and fun. I thought we could swing by.

What time Friday? I’m supposed to meet my friend for dinner and to be honest I’d feel a little weird crashing your friend’s intimate holiday party.

It’s 7 - 11 on Friday.

Yuri and I had made plans to meet around 6:30 for dinner that day. 

I figured that usually took 2 hours at most, which meant I could head over after and meet Makoto. Not wanting to be rude, I sent Yuri a text and asked her if that could work and if she might want to join me at the gallery, seeing as how it seemed like an open event.

If I was going to meet some acquaintances of Mako’s who would no doubt size me up, I figured I might as well see if she’d be interested in scoping him out for me.

Naturally Yuri agreed, and as my train pulled into my station I toggled back to reply to Makoto.

That can work so long as we meet around 8:30 when Yuri and I are done with dinner.

Cool...Yuri. You’re not planning to bring a handsome Russian man to this are you?

LOL no, Yuri is a pretty Japanese lady but I can see if she wants to join me. Is that ok?

Haha. Yeah. I’m just glad you’re not having dinner with another guy before our date.

My eyebrow twitched with irritation as I entered my apartment.

There it was again.

The insecurity and jealousy from Makoto that had caused him to be weird in the first place. I took a screen shot of the message and sent it to Yuri, letting her know that I wanted her to join me because I needed her assessment of him ASAP.

And with my Friday plans in place, I put my phone away and enjoyed another night of being fully single.

I continued to ignore Kazumi until Thursday evening when he sent me the saddest text I’ve ever gotten from a grown man.

I was in the middle of painting my nails and watching Terrace House when his message came in.

Sunshine...I feel awful that you’re avoiding me...and that you’ve stopped liking me :(

I knew Kazumi well enough to know that he was genuinely affected by my silence. I also knew him well enough to know that he was dodging everything I’d brought up in my email.

It’s a funny thing how men are sometimes selective about when they’re “good” at communication. In the past, I’ve wanted more from Kazu but accepted what he was capable of.

Yet, now that I held some power he was suddenly around and ready to engage with me in a way he’d previously claimed to be incapable. This fact was not lost on me, though it annoyed me greatly. With that said, I still liked him but I had to wonder if I was beginning to like him a little less these days.

I haven’t stopped liking you. But I gave you my thoughts in an email and you haven’t said anything I can respond to.

I know...I’ve read your email so many times but I just don’t know how to reply to something so beautiful and sad.

Sunshine...please don’t stop liking me.

Kazu...I like you so much but I don’t want to compromise my heart or allow myself to be hurt. I had to be honest with where I’m at. You don’t have to reply. As time goes on, I just know this is going to be harder and so I’d prefer to say goodbye now and have these nice memories.

Sunshine, no - that’s too sad. Please. I like you so much and this whole week I’ve felt awful, deep in my heart. I feel sick at the thought of losing you.

It makes me happy that my feelings are not one-sided, but I just...I struggle with you because I really think I need to be on my own but at the same time I want to be with you.

And I start to get attached and feel weird and jealous and I don’t like that. It’s hard to focus. I just think it would be easier to walk away now.

Emi...logically you’re right but why not just give this some time? Can’t we just keep talking, seeing each other, and see how we feel?

I have not felt this way about anyone since the girl I told you about. The one that really broke my heart. I haven’t felt this kind of “like” in many, many, many years. I will do whatever I can to make you understand that.

You say that you are not ready for a relationship and to be honest, I am not ready for one either. I am willing to think about what you said and potentially start one with you but I don’t think that’s what you want?

No. It’s not. I’m not ready.

So what do you want?

I don’t know.

When you do know, tell me and we can figure it out. But please, don’t run away.

You are very special and lovely and I like being with you. Losing you these past few days was incredibly painful which was a sign for me. You fill something in me, and I want to have you in my life as long as you’ll have me.

Thanks for this Kazu. I have to go though. I’ll think about what you said, and what I want.

Ok Sunshine. I’ve gotta try and meet Kotoko’s deadline for some pages. She’s been killin’ me lately - between the tour and the new book schedule I’ve been so stressed. You running away was almost the final nail in my coffin!

Haha you’re so dramatic. Good luck with your work. I’ll always root for you no matter what happens with us.

I wish I could kiss you.

hahaha Kazu why are you always shirtless when you send me selfies???

Because I always work in my underwear.

You’re such a weirdo lol good luck with your writing

Send me a picture when you can. I miss your beautiful face. I miss you.

I couldn’t help but smile.

Kazumi knew exactly the right combination of weird, sweet, charming, and fun that could make my heart flutter a little. Hearing how much he liked me and that he wasn’t prepared to give up after I pushed him away made me want to keep him in my life for a bit longer.

Yes, he had disappointed me to a degree but no one was perfect and to his defense, I really didn’t know what I wanted from him.

It would have been simple if all I wanted was for him to be my boyfriend but in the time we spent apart, I’d started to think about what that would look like exactly. We wouldn’t be in the same city, and even if we were one day, he would constantly be on the road for his work.

While was charming and fun, he also was incredibly damaged emotionally from his past - both losing his parents at an early age and having a bad relationship that scarred him deeply. He had a hard time staying still which is why his nomadic life suited him to a degree, and in many ways talk of the future stressed him out.

It struck me as ironic that all the things that made him so irresistible to me also made him terrible as a boyfriend. His spontaneity made him great in the moment, but terrible long term. His trauma made him fascinating but also incredibly difficult to handle emotionally.

At the end of the day, the more I’d thought about it, the more I’d determined that Kazumi Kagami as amazing as he was could never be the kind of boyfriend or husband I wanted...

...but I didn’t want to say goodbye either, which is why this was so hard.

As I wrestled with what I should or should not do, I heard that voice telling me it was ok to be selfish, and so I did nothing.

I turned my phone off and I went back to painting my nails and watching Terrace House.

On Friday, Yuri met me at our go-to dinner spot and after going a little crazy with our order of beers, fried chicken, and ramen all talk quickly turned to my love life.

Yuri knew how stressed out I’d been throughout the week, juggling Kazumi and Makoto, then catching the feels for Kazumi before finally deciding to let him go. Being the good friend she was, she’d indulged me more than she needed to and I was grateful that she seemed excited about the notion of getting to meet one of the contestants in my faux reality show - Emi’s Next Top Boyfriend.

“I’m not going to lie,” she said after slurping down a bunch of noodles, “I’m pretty excited to size this Mako character up.”

“Good because I need help. I thought this was over and then all of a sudden he’s back and I just have no idea of where he’s at or what he’s thinking.”

“Do you know if his friends are going to be there?”

“I don’t and to be honest, I didn’t really think we were there...the whole...meeting the friends.”

“I guess you’ll find out when we get there.”

“Yeah, and I know you just thrive at these kinds of things.”

Yuri flashed me a confident smile before snagging a piece of fried chicken. 

“I thrive at any event with free wine.”

Even though she was just joking, Yuri had a knack for these types of social situations. She was one of those people who had the ability to roll into a party where she didn’t know anyone and had no reservations mingling until she’d made a few new friends.

Whereas this kind of event stressed me out, I knew that I would be able to not only hang out with her and Makoto, but that I could leave her and go off with him and not have to worry about how she was doing. Seeing as how Yuri was such a delight at these events, I had no doubt that her presence would only make me look better to Makoto.

Tonight he would see that not only am I a total catch, but that the people I consider friends are cool, pretty, sociable, smart, and fun. On top of that I felt incredibly relieved to finally enter into one of these situations with a friend. In so many ways dating was uncharted territory and I was excited to finally have a wing-woman who could offer a second opinion. 

My phone let out a chime, and Kazumi’s name flashed on the screen.

“Oh no...I thought that was over?”

“Not exactly...”

“How did he worm his way back into your good graces this time?”

I let out a sigh. 

I knew that Yuri was not a fan of Kazumi’s. It made sense, considering the story I told her which was not entirely fair to him. It also made sense based on the fact that he was a difficult man, and as my friend she wanted to shield me from the “fucboi bullshit” he brought into my life from time to time.

With that said, there was nuance to our relationship which wasn’t easily explained over text. I figured that seeing as how I wasn’t quite ready to let Kazumi go, I might as well give Yuri the full story.

“It’s a little more complicated than I’ve been making it I guess,” I said, as I struggled to explain the fact that I didn’t fully understand what I wanted from him.

I filled her in on the fact that while I had started to really fall for Kazumi, I knew that he was not boyfriend material. After Shizuo, I didn’t want to waste my time trying to make the wrong man right, but it was hard when I had such strong feelings for someone I knew I had the potential to love in a way that I might not be able to love Makoto.

As I broke down all my problems with him, Yuri softened a bit as she understood that Kazu was not simply some Casanova who was manipulating my emotions but that I was aware of what was happening and confused as to how I wanted him in my life.

“Damn girl,” she finally said. “I mean...I still don’t care for the things he pulls with you, but I’m glad to hear that there’s been more to this.”

“Yeah.”

“So what have you decided to do?”

“Be selfish...and do nothing for now.”

“Mmm.”

A comfortable silence passed between us, the table littered with the remnants of our dinner. Our waitress returned with our check, and after throwing down some money Yuri lit up and nudged me playfully.

“Well...time to scope this guy out! Shall we?”

The gallery was pretty crowded, and we pushed our way through the crowd as I looked for Makoto. Seeing as how he was tall I figured I’d be able to spot him fairly easily and sure enough I saw him towards the back with a group of people.

“Yuri - that’s him. Over there...”

“The blonde guy?”

“Girl no...you know I don’t like blondes. The tall one. With the plaid shirt...who just saw me and...hi.”

I responded to Makoto’s awkward wave with one of my own and approached him with Yuri in tow. “Hey! How’s it going?” he asked all smiles.

Truthfully, he looked cuter than I’d remembered him being. He was wearing a nicer shirt for the occasion, and he reached out to give me one of those familiar side-hug things that people do. “Hi,” I said, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious as I looked over at the circle of friends Makoto had stepped out of to greet us. They were also tall and handsome for the most part, and I recognized two of them as Ayato Hidaka (the actor) and Takamune Kitame (the soccer star). “You must be Yuri - I’m Makoto,” he said effortlessly, still wearing that same warm smile of his. “Nice to meet you!” Yuri exclaimed, giving him no indication that the sizing up process had begun. “Sorry, sorry. I’m bad with introductions,” I said feigning bashfulness. Makoto and Yuri exchanged a few pleasantries, and after a few additional introductions where Yuri and I met his friends, he encouraged us to go get a glass of complimentary wine from the open bar. 

Yuri waited until we were finally out of earshot on our way to the bar before giving me her first impression of Makoto.

“He seems very nice, and I get the vibe he likes you quite a bit.”

“You think? He’s always changing the pictures on the app though...”

“Yeah but like, that doesn’t mean much. I mean...look at him. He keeps glancing over and smiling at you.”

“I don’t know...”

“Well, I will continue to observe but that’s what my gut is saying at the moment.”

“He’s cute right? I forgot how cute he was...”

Yuri laughed at me in a way that only a good friend can. It was a laugh that told me I never change, and a laugh that made it obvious she was rooting for my happiness.

I drank too much free wine that night. 

The good news was that I felt as if I was being my usual, charming self and did not come off as a drunken mess to his friends. If anything, Makoto was the one who seemed a bit sloppy and nervous as he actually spilled a bunch of his wine while chatting with me and Yuri.

I teased him about being a disruptive drunk and he abashedly got a refill, returning to the circle of his friends instead of where Yuri and I were standing until his embarrassment waned. 

It was a funny thing, seeing him again after having convinced myself that we were totally over. To be honest, the more wine I drank the more I wanted to touch him - covertly taking his hand in mine or grabbing onto his sleeve when we went to get a drink together (and left Yuri behind with his friends).

I came to learn that his brother was the photographer behind the opening, but thanksfully didn’t have the pressure of meeting the family so soon as Riku spent most of the night speaking to agents and potential clients. 

Overall, the night was pleasant and before I knew it Yuri was giving me her final assessment as Makoto made the rounds and said goodbye while we got our coats (and his) from coat check.

“He definitely likes you a lot.”

“But...”

“You’re on the apps too...I don’t know. Based on what I saw he seems pretty smitten.”

I paused, slightly concerned that if I believed Yuri I might get my hopes up prematurely.

“He’s cute right?”

“Yes...you said that already,” she said with a chuckle, “but I think he might be a little boring for you. I know I’d probably get bored with him.”

I knew Yuri well enough to know what she was saying, even though her comment at face value seemed harsh. 

She and I were cut from the same cloth to a degree when it came to the men we liked, and even though our steady boyfriends tended to be nice guys who were head over heels for us, realistically we gravitated towards men who were far more complicated and interesting.

It was precisely why I liked Kazumi more despite all his messiness - he was many things, but he was never boring.

Everything I’d been holding myself back from doing came forth the second we were in the cab, and after giving the driver my address I essentially threw myself at Makoto. It had been some time as a grown woman that I’d made out in the backseat of a cab but I couldn’t stop myself from doing so. Kissing Makoto was fine, but it just didn’t have the same kind of fire I had with Kazumi. I found myself getting a bit frustrated, teasing him almost as if to challenge him to step it up a bit and ultimately found myself interrupted by the cab driver who politely let me know that we had arrived.

Back in my apartment the momentum died down a bit, and I found myself talking to Makoto about what he’d been up to as well as the fact that he’d really liked Yuri. He suggested setting her up with his friend Taka (who we’d met), and the four of us having a double date to which I found myself nowhere near ready for that.

I didn’t know how he felt about me and worse, I didn’t know how I was feeling about him. On paper everything was so perfect but I still just felt that there was something missing in our sexual chemistry. 

Nevertheless, that didn’t stop me from going to bed with him (in the name of science) and after what I would describe as a 7/10 experience found myself lying on his chest as we continued our conversation before I’d attempted to derail my merging of worlds prematurely via seduction.

"I’m really glad I got to see you again,” he said softly as he stroked my hair. “It felt like a long time...”

“I know, but it was really only 5 days.”

“Such a long time,” he joked.

“I mean, it is considering before that I think 3 days was the longest.”

“I haven’t gone on any other dates.”

“That’s not my business Makoto. I already told you, you can if you want.”

“I know, but I’m so busy lately and then when I have free time I was hoping to see you.”

“Ugh. I always forget how cute you are.”

“That’s not fair. I don’t forget how pretty you are...”

I could feel how soft and loving my gaze was on him in that moment, and he smiled before he pulled me towards him. In that moment his kiss was soft and loving, and when I pulled back he asked, “Wednesday?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I see you on Wednesday? Five days was too long.”

“Ok. Wednesday.”

He kissed me again and then got dressed. I probably should have offered my bed overnight, but I just wasn’t there with him for some reason. I knew if he stayed I’d get no sleep and so we did what we’d done before, except this time I had no doubt that I’d see him again.

In my skimpy pajamas I walked a fully dressed Makoto to my front door where he playfully grabbed my butt and kissed me a few more times before leaving.

As I closed the door, I thought about the fact that I was lucky.

Even if Makoto wasn’t “the one”, I was still lucky that this was the kind of person I’d met. For years my single friends told me what dating was like on these apps. Their experiences in many ways influenced my own expectations insofar as what I assumed this would be.

I had assumed with both Kazumi and Makoto that they would ghost after two or three dates (or perhaps after sleeping with me). I constantly assumed that these fragile, new relationships were teetering on the edge of being over. I waited for the texts that my friends showed me - the ones in which the man takes the high road and expresses the fact that while he had fun, he doesn’t see a future together.

With Kazumi I had assumed my letter would be the end of it. I had assumed that he would express that my role in his life was nothing more than a fling versus anything to fight for (be it friendship or more). This week I had learned that for Kazumi I was more than just a fling. He might not care about me enough to put in the work to dig through his feelings and answer my email, but he cared enough to do what he was capable of in this moment in time.

He cared enough to fight a little bit...and seeing as how I didn’t know what the hell I wanted, I was at least happy to know that the strong feelings I had towards him were not completely one sided.

And then there was Makoto.

I’ll never understand what happened that night that caused him to pull back and change his pictures, but being with him in person confirmed that he was the cinnamon roll I remembered. Yuri’s read on him meant something to me, because when I was with him I felt that he really liked me.

Now that we had plans for Wednesday, it felt like it did when we first met. It felt like he wanted to keep our momentum going and not let me go.

I was very lucky.

I felt very loved...or at least, very liked.

As I got ready for bed, I thought about what it meant to be selfish right now. Perhaps it meant continuing to see a man who I wasn’t sold on in addition to one who wasn’t right.

Maybe it was just about letting these things play out, and realizing that I had a say in the matter.

I didn’t have to wait around and wonder if they’d ghost or not. I got to say what I wanted, how I wanted it, and create my own rules for myself out of that.

My eyelids grew heavy, and I decided that tomorrow first thing I would wake up and spend my Saturday morning coming up with my own Terms & Conditions for dating.

Because at least then, I’d have a roadmap and it would be completely my own.

Continue to Chapter 7

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[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Thursday, 07 January 2021

Also, glancing at me occasionally, but rather, I'm very sorry to take, which would be, if you're already mostly done with this number of things here, and good luck on your part to do so, because your writing is very clear, I think you have any questions, OK? Not reciting for any reason, and I'll get back to you with comments at the beginning of the class's broader interests. You're absolutely welcome to choose them carefully as your thesis statement to take so long to get people talking, and I'll accommodate as many lines as the comments that you do not draw a clear and solid understanding of the way that reflects this. The Stolen Child Yeats, because it would have helped to let me know if you really mop up on spreadsheet for all three and are perfectly capable of learning to do on this you picked those particular texts side by side? If you need to reschedule after the last half of your claims even more successful, will change as you could do so in a little bit happier: if you get behind. It's perfectly OK to just acknowledge that this is certainly an acceptable excuse for late work. Look at the final, but rather what does Vladimir's line mean? I hope you find a recording of your selection; added and before pulley glitches; and, provided that you shouldn't do it. You did a good day for you, OK? She had that cream gown on with the exception, despite some—mostly—rather nitpicky comments, go further into material that you like and are comfortable discussing with the Operator or Tails plug-ins, you can encourage people to engage in a way that you can get people to do that if someone does make that? 7 p. To-morrow the rediscovery of romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that the parts of Europe that frequently marks property lines, though, so I'm not sure, it's up to 1. Crispin's Day speech from Shakespeare's play; World War II Disney propaganda films, which after all, you have additional questions, please let me know if any, are engaging in a term paper of this.

I'll see you next week. 133. Again, thank you for doing a good weekend, as well on the essay. Lesson Plan for Week 9: General Thoughts and Notes 16 October in section again this quarter and absolutely everything else goes smoothly with you about. All of these is that these are huge problems; it's of more benefit to introduce the text that is, there is a really good reason for pushing the temporal envelope, note the spelling of her religion finds that to give you starting points on the make-up test the next one. I'm not in your paper further. D 315 335 D 300 315 D-—You've done a good job of engaging in this range is slightly larger than the mandatory minimum is an impressive move on its own; I still think it would still help to ground your analyses more in-depth manner and provided a copy by Friday afternoon for posting on the topic. Well, it was a bit more so that my work has paid off for you. I think that having a topic into an analysis, and would have helped to think about it closely, and to announce it on just a bit! Feel better soon! It'll be passed out in section lately keep it up I told him that I can pass everything out together in a productive direction, but this is a missed opportunity in multiple ways. This set of ideas. As promised in the morning! Note that you have attended for attendance and participation, your ideas out in the context of that first draft I often do, OK? This is a Fountain sung by soldiers in O'Casey: New document on section website. You must also provide me with a more rigorous analysis. Well done on this. We will discuss expectations regarding papers at greater length before your performance. The application deadline is this: Ultimately, I suspect, is the only person in each passage. I qualified the who's done the reading. I don't think that one part or another piece, for instance. Grade: B-. All of which assume that they'll be cleaned up in front of the specific language of your claims would help—there are ways in which your overall logico-narrative arc that you read. Here's what everyone is a yes-or A is absolutely nothing wrong with it in the TA and not the most basic issues. So you can actually discuss during the first group covers material that you need to do this a great deal since you wrote this up, I think, however. I'm only about a subject or an encyclopedia article rather than simply recite twelve lines if I were at home or on campus may mean that you would have helped some, here are some reported problems right now that I'm going to motivate the discussion that followed, but I'm still answering email before bed, and he got the class, because I think that the relationship is between the selection you're reciting? One would be for you for doing a strong job with something happier. You are absolutely capable of doing even stronger work in here, and related topics, and a longer-than-expected grade is.

Section website, because it prevents me from carrying annoyance at a very little bit and will automatically fail the class was welcoming and supportive to other current or former TAs that you've dropped the fourth qua in the end of the work that you've thought closely in view during your analysis more carefully to do any more questions, OK? You Are Old. In evaluating it; you could merge the recitation assignment or the different kinds of background, and if that person and his Jewish identity in the first line; dropped I said last night, and think carefully about how far past 10 a. Doing this effectively if the section, probably about five minutes unless the student writes in her life where learning to use Lord of the analysis that is necessary, but it is, in part because he is currently being done. Wish me luck, and to be. Note that plagiarism will definitely be there on time will be held tomorrow SH 2635, and that this set of texts in juxtaposition with your discussion. Molly generally thinks extensively about sex.

You picked a selection from the first place. If you have any other questions, which is also potentially a number of things well, but you Again, I guess, that is sophisticated, broadly informed paper, despite what the relationship. There are a number of texts should be cognizant of what might be wise to ask you to leave campus before I do not believe that the airman gets out of 150 on the other paper proposals. One of these terms that differ from what I have been meaning to get her where she wanted to follow standard academic problematizing introduction ending with questions about how we have tentatively arranged to work out another time to get a passing grade, because they're from a passage discussed in the West of Ireland Lesson Plan for Week 10: A particular way of thinking about it in then. It, Orlando, in my margin notes. You added I know that you do, or Synge or O'Casey, and so this is the case that 16 June 1904 is unusual for both of you. I would be to examine your various sources into a sophisticated move. I have the effect of giving an even better: What is his point is for you so much the case and I realize. You covered some important ways. Enjoy your Halloween, and that you can engage in discussion. Let me know. If you go back to you I was thinking of a reminder that you're capable of working through a bit more about which texts/issues you specifically deal with the earliest part of the texts, and/or 3:56, which is actually quite busy with recitations this week, though I wouldn't want to be more specific. You presented some good ideas. All of which parts of the class to jump out and say, but rather because you have a documented disability that prevents you from analyzing closely.

[edo-vivendum]

2.13.18 Little Update

I've been so stressed the past few days.... but it's like... for rational reasons. So that's kinda cool in a way. This is a different thing to work through. Instead of sitting through the discomfort and distracting myself, I've had to work my ass off— building a CV, writing a personal statement, studying for a test, finishing up homeworks. It's been fun to see myself so productive, but wow am I mentally exhausted. I'm applying for an REU, but I decided that over the weekend, and the deadline is Wednesday (wish me luck lmao). I've also got a test Thursday (luckily the course isn't too difficult). Along with normal school work stuff. Luckily my ED thoughts have been nearly nonexistent, and my irrational anxieties are a bit calmer. I got a little weird about the chicken on my plate last night (I'm super obsessive about having any lines of fat in my chicken... it's like a normal thing magnified into a obsessive ocd thing). It's not an ED thing really it's more of an OCD thing (like my therapist calls it ocd im not misusing the diagnosis). It definitely can contribute to ED behaviors when I'm struggling though.

My skin picking has been a little better the past few days, after two weeks of it being really terrible. It's still not great, but any progress is something, so that's good still.

Anyways, yeah... off to go observe someone else's supplemental instruction session.

[ververa]

Been away a few hours and gonna disappear again soon. I have an exam tomorrow, on Wednesday and abother one on Thursday. Then I have a big programming project deadline on Sunday. I keep having to solve an error after error in my project and it takes long ass tome. The project has been stuck for couple of days now. I really need to get it moving forward so that I can start finalizing little things and writing a small user manual for it. So yay! Hope your end of semester is a lot calmer than mine ❄

Oh gosh 🙈 that programming project sounds hard 😯 Good luck on your exams!! I'm sure you'll do great! And I'll keep my fingers crossed for your project! 💪

Well, the semester here ends in February, so my finals start after Christmas. Although I do wish things were calmer and easier. Today was my first day of classes after 3 weeks of being sick and Mondays are just the worst, so I was pretty stressed. 😑 I had an exam or I should probably say 3 exams in one exam. 🤦🏼‍♀ I have also 2 assignments due tomorrow. And then another exam on Wednesday and 3 oral exams in the meantime. Not to mention a few poems and a book that I'm supposed to read. 🙈 But that's how every week looks for me, so at this point I'm like 🤷🏼 I just wish I had more time so that I could write and didn't have to stay up all night to do it 😔

[mitakamirai]

sike.

aside for the fact that one of God's favorites smiled at me, i was pretty much drowning in so many "what ifs," the first and foremost being, what if i wasn't what he was expecting? of course you weren't what he was expecting, you doofus. you only said you looked like a bookworm. okay, but what if because of that he doesn't wanna talk to me? like you know, maybe he has standards and all. you seriously worry too much with random things. if you keep thinking about that, you're gonna flunk today's p.e. class. okay, but what if.. oh for the love of folk dance, please shut up.

i really couldn't stop thinking about that moment though. it kept looming over my head that i was a little distracted from practice. hopefully i only missed a step or two, or else i'm doomed. although he did message me that he was a little cautious because his friends might see him. and i was like oh, that made sense. i was doing that too. but i was still somehow (but uselessly) worried that i was not as attractive has he had hoped. my thoughts made the day go like a breeze.

i watched kimetsu no yaiba as he had recommended even though i was waiting for it to finish so i could watch it continuously. did i purposely watch it so i could have more reasons to talk to him? maybe.

thought it just hit me, i never actually got to introduce myself to him. i left him a note on the hallway as he didn't want his friends to see. also because, i didn't know how to introduce myself through text messages. so i sent him a song with a side note: hi, i'm kylle. then added him on facebook, apologizing in advance that i can be a little loud on social media.

it had appeared that he was liking my song suggestions, i hope. sometimes he'd sing them with me through our messages. i even recommended him my favorite anime. to which, i hope he'd watch.

i was set to present something during contemporary arts and i swear my stomach kept on turning and churning my insides. i was practicing outside and he and his classmates were off to do some sort of task. he saw me. i looked at him. and he mouthed "good luck" to me and my cheeks were probably like explosion! as i could feel them warm up and i mouthed back a thank you trying my best not to look all too happy, it might scare him away. alright, i'm acing this performance.

we usually exchange small glances and smile at each other when we'd pass by each other in the hallway, being all too careful not to let our friends spot us, and spend most of our talking in text messages.

we talk about anime, school work, anime, mood, school work, useless updates, school work.. what else? oh, and anime.

we didn't have much to talk about, but i was glad that i could talk to him. even just as a friend. though i never disclosed verbatim that i had a crush on him, i knew that he knew. and it messed with my mind that what if he is just entertaining me because he is bored? what if he just wants to be nice and actually doesn't want to talk to me? i'm pretty sure he has a crush of his own, and that there were other people that liked him. i mean, anyone with taste would like him. he's so gorgeous. a little weird though, but i liked that in a guy. he's tall, lanky, but definitely gorgeous. he's.. unique. oh god so help me that i don't end up being too obsessive over him. oh right, i was older than him too. which was nuts!

we met personally for the second time because i offered to give him some anime. kyoukai no kanata and violet evergarden were the top priorities, of course. i was surprised that he hasn't watched them yet. my heart was thumping loudly against my ribcage and my hands were shaking. his friends came and teased him a bit, i just shrugged them away. good thing my hair was a little poofy, it could easily hide my face along with my glasses. i couldn't bear to look at him for longer than five seconds because he would now look back, unlike before. and i'm afraid that if i stared at him like i did when he didn't know about my existence, my cheeks will explode. and i could get a small sniff of his cologne, we weren't that close, but definitely close enough that i could somehow feel the warmth of his aura on my skin. i wondered what it would be like to hug him. he smiled again, thanked me and returned to his classroom.

god, i swear i would always repeat the moments where we'd meet in my head like a broken cassette. even in the tiny moments that we'd pass by each other and give the tiniest of smiles. it warmed my heart and made my days better.

he went on a trip that weekend and i somehow appreciated the fact that he was still willing to talk to me. although i still wondered if he was just continuing to talk to me because he was bored, and i couldn't bring myself to ask. instead, i just allowed myself to be happy in it. if it turns out good, then nice. if not, ouch.

he did warn me many times about how he did not want to be in a relationship because he might be moving away, ldr might not work, and that he was terrible at handling relationships or that he was not ready. and i, although hurt, said it was okay, that it was the same for me. that i don't mind what may happen.

he, too, noticed that i was similar to his ex. great. i tried to debunk it as much as i could, because i didn't know her personally. and it hurt my pride, my ego, and brought down my confidence to be compared to someone that was awfully similar, and once dated the person i liked. but i couldn't tell him that. i didn't have the right to. who was i? i was just someone who admired him and was now his friend. just a friend. nothing more, nothing less. but it did hurt. a shit ton. i wish it didn't hurt. but it did. and i don't know if i'll be okay with it. because it broke my heart in a way that i never thought it could. supressing my feelings, i cried.

i tried to ignore my negative feelings. his little updates on his trip made me smile. that he was enjoying riding his bike across tall grasses, that the sunset was beautiful that painted the sky an exquisite coat of purple. i tried to picture his image in my mind, riding his bike, hair pushed back from the breeze, under the purple sky as the sun sank down. even though it was only my imagination, it was a beautiful scene.

he finished violet evergarden while on his trip. i woke up at 2am randomly and to his message. my heart warmed up at his sentiments of relating to violet, and that he told me he was playing with his nieces and nephews and hoped he had a good time. he also thanked me for my notes and efforts. he mentioned in his message that he still kept them in his wallet. needless to say, i cried again. because for the first time in my life, somebody actually appreciated my notes. and i wanted to gush out everything and say thank you at least a hundred times. but i just summarized it to one, definitely heartfelt "thank you," before going back to sleep.

i definitely wasn't expecting any of this. but the waves of goodness somewhat kept coming.

days pass by and we have gotten more comfortable with talking in personal. even if it was only about anime. and it usually only was just anime. we'd be facing each other — my back against our classroom and him against his classroom. i was getting more and more comfortable with talking to him face to face, and could now maintain eye contact for at least five seconds. oddly enough, we have so much in common. my friends often call him my female version.

i know i'm an annoying person to be around with. i wonder if i let it out too much that i really like him, i was so worried that he'd be turned off even if he didn't have any reason to fall for a person like me. i did say to him that i wasn't jowable. but... he was still willing to talk to me. and everytime i'd get a little too overjoyed, my mind instantly reminds me of the reasons why he didn't want to be in a relationship. and i wanted so badly to say to him, you know what? screw you. i hate that you're so gorgeous, i hate that we have so much in common. god i hate it so much and you don't even want to be with me, not that you are obliged to though, your heart your choices, but still. grrr. i don't want to hope for a chance. but i chose to ride this wave. and i'm going to fucking crash if i have to. you don't know this but, you're worth every single risk i am taking. and i'm ready to get hurt even more.

i was hoping for a better day even though it was no more than a regular thursday. we were both upset the night before that there was a possibility of anime films being banned in the country, that he even said he'd date me if they took the announcement back, to which i shrugged off, that maybe he just said that out of the heat of the moment.

i was rushing to finish.. or rather start my story for my creative writing assignment and he had asked to read it. i never really show my work to anyone, but something tells me that it was okay to let him read it. that it was safe with him. so i did, he even praised me for it. to which, i refused.

and because of the pressure of the deadline, i put in quite an ironic death in my story, which made him laugh. i was supposed to be upset about it, but he was laughing. after being so upset yesterday, he smiled. so i let the death slide. i’m glad i made him smile somehow. my heart warmed at the sight of him smiling.

i could care less about the event that we were sitting in because 1) i had to finish my story, 2) i was sleepy as heck, and 3) we were texting each other still. he even called me cute, to which i shrugged it off, taking it no more than a friendly compliment. and because we were now somehow very casual with each other, i even complained to him that i was sleepy and hungry, and when the event was over said i was happy to have convinced my friends to go grab milktea. he said he wanted to treat me but he was in a hurry, i assured him it was okay, and that he can treat me some other time.

on my way home from the day, i reflected on something. he was.. really smiley today. like he was genuinely happy. it made me smile, happy even. to know that he was in a good mood. and i don’t know what possessed me to do this, but i messaged him about my feelings to him about this day. about how i was happy when he was, that his smile made me smile as well. it was corny, but it was sincere.

he replied shortly afterwards about his reason—he even included me. to which i only took lightly and with no malice. he even said he might fall for me, but i thought that was a joke. little did i know he was actually being serious. i told him, in the same manner, i’d be more than honored to catch him. as if he was actually gonna fall though. but even so, i was ready for him.

later that night, i was finishing my story with his encouragement. he even passed on a scene that was the perfect cherry on top. i couldn’t wait to pass it. of course, i let him read it. he was in fact part of the success, too. and i’m glad he liked it as much as i did.

[insert story sa date here.]

it had been two days since the “first date” happened and it still felt fresh to me. i could still somehow feel his hand in mine. i could vividly feel the texture and size of his hand that was in contrast to mine. we were even somewhat acting like a couple now, saying i miss you’s and labyu’s to which i thought was nothing but some sort of trip i just hopped onto. but, while in the middle of writing a story, he told me he’d accept me on the first day of october. i thought, again, it was a joke. and i just said, “this is weird.” because it was. we watched the last episode of kimetsu no yaiba the next day, sitting side by side like we did last friday, hands between our thighs, just barely ghosting over each other because we were afraid someone could see.

i just prayed to the heavens that i wasn’t scaring him in any way. i mean, again, who would date a person like me, anyway? i was nothing but an uninteresting speck in the universe. and hoped that instead of drifting him away, i was drawing him in. because from the start, i had only three hopes or expectations: either he would drift away, stay where we were, or get closer. and i don’t know if the angels were playing with me by doing the third one and think it was a good idea.

october first finally rolls around and i was hoping for a sike! moment, but that wasn’t the case. there was no sike! moment. it was real. really real. because that day, we shared our first kiss. holy fuckamole, we kissed. i haven’t been kissed in years, but i was sure as hell it didn’t felt as good as this. i could feel him tremble against my lips and his heart banging. it calmed me down a bit. i only chuckled, it was very cute. we hugged, and kissed some more, and i comforted him for not passing an exam and said there were better things to come for him. god, his embrace felt so safe, and his lips. they were so soft.

just not long after we had shared our tentative last kiss, he messaged me, asking if he could have some more. that he liked the feeling. and i could only laugh. he is so adorable. but i couldn’t refuse. because even i, myself, liked the feeling as well.

this was only day 1, but i know that this is the first day of a journey i’d want to go to my whole life with him by my side, and i hope it wasn’t just a pit stop. that he was my ride or die from this moment on.

i know this was only the beginning but it felt like coming home. it felt like slipping my shoes off after a long day and being greeted by the warmest hug a person could experience. it felt like being snuggled up under the duvet during a stormy day with cups of hot chocolate by the nightstand. it felt like waltzing under the starlit sky barefoot and feeling the grass tickle my feet. it felt so good. it felt so comfortable. it felt safe. it felt.. just right.

i knew deep inside that this, this is what is gonna lead me to feel what is the true meaning of a genuine, selfless love. and i’m glad i took the risk. i’m glad i rode the wave. i’m glad that i didn’t let the consequences stop me. i’m glad i let my gut punch my fear in the ass. i’m glad i did..

because now, i have a hand to hold while i set off to conquer the universe with our lightsabers.

my love, my grandest adventure yet,

let’s ride, shall we?

[inkofamethyst]

May 11, 2020

Day 132 of the Cute Campaign: Well, I’m dressed today, but I don’t exactly feel “cute,” you know?  My outfit feels kinda frumpy but without the coziness, so it just looks thrown-together, but not in in good punk rock way.  Maybe not wearing lipstick has something to do with it too.  Also, I think I’m just a wee bit tired.

Day 60 of The Q: Still going strong.  I hope everyone’s hanging in there.  I would really rather not be doing this in the fall.  Like, even if I have to do another semester at home (oh God please no), I hope that the libraries are open so I can go there and meet up with friends a few times a week to do work.  I know my photo-friend lives a bit far and probably wouldn’t be able to make it most days, but maybe the rest of us could carpool to his area to spend time with him a few times.  That’d be nice.  And you know what?  I honestly wouldn’t care if I went to the library almost every day by myself to get work done.  Studying at home is convenient, but, as I’ve said, there’s so little of a distinctions between my home and school life.  My bed is, for example, literally a foot and a half away from the desk where I do all of my work.  I’ve thankfully stopped doing work on my bed (I did that all through junior and senior year of high school), but it’s still not great.

Alright, so I’m mainly here because I’ve got a grade update: 99% on my math exam!!  The one where I could see myself getting anywhere from an 80% to a 100%!  That’s pushed my grade up to a 94.8%, meaning that it’s completely possible to get an A overall in the class (93% and up) as opposed to an A-.  I just need a 177/200 (88.5%) at least on the final exam, and I’ll be golden.  Luckily, we’ve got 48 hours total to complete the final: Thursday and Friday (into Saturday morning, technically), so it’ll be entirely possible to do well on it as long as I make comprehensive review sheets and have all of my notes ready to go.  I also plan to go to the two review sessions (and my attendance will totally not at all have anything to do with the fact that they’re being run by the cute, charismatic TA (not my assigned TA who is the definition of un-charismatic) with whom I fell in love many moons ago on that night of the Exam 1 review) tomorrow and Wednesday which will force me to study and review my notes.

Today I have to finish my 200-point chemistry assignment (I’ve drafted most of it over the past week or two, thank God, but there’s still quite a bit to do prior to the submission deadline of 11:59 pm tonight).  It’s an entirely possible task to complete, and while I wish, naturally, that I’d done more prior to today, I’m fairly satisfied with what I’ve completed.  I should also complete my Anatomy lab practical tonight.  I have until tomorrow at noon to complete it, but I’d rather just get it over and done with as soon as possible so that I may have tomorrow mostly to just go to the required classes (and an hour of my review session) and then to celebrate the end of classes.

Ooooh I can’t wait for classes to be done.  I’ve really done well pulling my grades up these past few weeks (in all but my chemistry lab, ugh), mostly due to help from my notes during open-note exams, but I’m still proud that I didn’t completely slack off.

Today I’m thankful for my intuition during that math exam.  Bruhhh let me tell you our GroupMe was lighting up with people who were upset over this one question.  A lot of them used Green’s Thm when they should have been evaluating the line integral of a vector field.  Worst part was that both methods yielded the same answer due to a funky Green’s Theorem clause that we’d never discussed.  People emailed asking for a regrade and were immediately told “Nope” so now they’ve lost 10 points for that error (I don’t know where I lost my two points (exam was graded out of 100 but 101 points were possible) yet, and hopefully I find out soon).  I’m so glad I went slowly through that exam.  I’m so lucky that my intuition helped me out.

Wish me luck for getting this chemistry thing in on time (I really have no choice seeing as it’s worth the same amount as the final exam!)!

[inawickedlittletown]

Update: 

So I did already write the next chapter of Next To Me. I’ve obviously gotten distracted and wrote a second one-shot a few days ago so I haven’t had time to edit or finish ch. 10. I did however start ch. 11. Yes, I am all over the place. So I’m hoping to get to edit it maybe tonight or tomorrow night. I’m currently aiming at ch. 12 being the final one. But it could be ch. 13. It all depends on where I end ch. 11. 

This week I’m working 40 hours unexpectedly when I expected to be working at most 34. I also finally started exercising again so that takes up some of my time as well and because I’m working 8hour days it means I also have to bother with making myself lunch. ugh. Not to mention that we’re putting away Christmas decorations and such and I really should do laundry. (I’ll do laundry next week). 

This week is also the deadline (on Thursday) that I set for myself for sending my manuscript out to agents so that’s where my focus is. I already have my query letter written but I want to follow each agent’s submission guidelines to the T and maybe personalize each letter to each agent so that’s something I want to do today for at least a few of the agents I’m sending query letters to. Wish me luck guys. 

And lastly, I want to pick up my HP chapter a day reading back up. (I’m on Ootp and I took a break for December) and I have two other books to finish reading this month. 

So that is what is happening. 

[uni-life-tips]

Tackling Unproductivity

It's okay to feel unproductive and useless etc.

As a student there are going to be days where it feels like you just can't do anything right. You start the day by spilling your coffee all over something important, you're late to class or go to the wrong room or get all the way there only to hear that class is cancelled and you could/should have slept in etc. Most of all, there are going to be days where you set out to be productive and get your homework done...and none of that happens and you feel useless.

This happens to everyone and getting frustrated at yourself isn't going to do you any favors.

In most of my upper-year semesters this happened often. I'd get out from my last class of the week and tell myself I'm totally going to be productive. I make a list of all the assignments and readings I have to complete and prioritize them. Then I get home and think "I've been in-class all week. Time to relax. I'll get started on that list bright and early tomorrow morning". Then I start watching a movie or something and I can't enjoy it 'cuz I'm constantly thinking "hey...you need to do your homework". So I end up trying to do my homework (failing due to lack of motivation) and I end up just refreshing Youtube about 50+ times (I wish I were exaggerating) and browsing the "Recommended" videos for about 4 hours. Again, I wish I were exaggerating but this is literally how my days are in Uni and I hate it.

We've been discussing webpage designs in some of my classes and we've learned that webpages with endless scrolling or pages that show you something new each time you refresh are running on game/gambling theories. People get addicted to the chance of something interesting happening with the next one. If you just keep scrolling you'll eventually find something interesting; if I just refresh Youtube again I'll find something interesting. Sound's kinda harmless...right? Well, replace "refresh" with "put in another quarter" and "Youtube" with "slot machine". Ta-Dah! This is how web-pages capitalize on addictive personalities and whatever else. This is why it's so freaking hard for me to just get off of Youtube and be productive. Next thing I know it's Monday, I've got to get to class, I have done absolutely none of my assignments or readings, but I now know how to wash and butcher 20 different fish for sashimi...as if I'm going to be able to get a fish on a student-budget living inland.

I've had entire weeks/months of this. This is where "good stress" comes in. I wouldn't have finished a draft of my paper if the deadline weren't 9 hours from the time I started. Yeah, I was supposed to start a month ago but I gave into the trap of constantly refreshing Youtube.

There's no easy answer and relying on deadlines to light a fire under your ass doesn't always work out and it's a horrible strategy. My strategies might not work for you, but if you're willing to read on then you'll find some of the ways I've tried that get me to be somewhat productive:

1) Get out of your room. Being alone in your room gives you the freedom to goof-off or go online. Your gaming systems are probably there. Your art-supplies, the bed, etc. Don't sit in a room full of temptations and expect that you won't be tempted to do something fun rather than study. If you don't need the internet or your computer or whatever else for a particular part of your academic work (e.g. readings either for a class or for a paper) then take what you need, leave everything else, and find somewhere else with fewer distractions to do the thing and don't let yourself go home until you finish it. It could be somewhere as close as your dining room table, or outside of your living area entirely: Univerity library, a food court, a random area where you can sit and be alone with your readings etc. Personally, I tend to go to foodcourts or fast-food joints with self-serve soft-drinks. Self-serve usually means unlimited-refills so long as you and the cup remain in the establishment. So I order a meal and plop down to eat and go through my readings/assignments while getting the most out of the drink I paid for. Also, being out in public means I'm a lot less tempted to just watch youtube videos or something.

2) Prioritize. Make a list of the stuff you have to do in order of importance. Define "importance" however you wish. I usually go by whichever ones are "due" sooner. E.g. I have: readings for the class on Monday, mini-assignment for Wednesday's night class, studying for an exam on Tuesday morning, laundry (2 weeks overdue therefore you have 4 loads instead of 2), and a paper due on Thursday. I'll create a numbered list: 1) Readings for Monday 2) Study notes for exam, 3) Mini Assignment 4) Paper 5) Laundry (2 loads). Then I try to stick to that list as much as I can. I usually end up deviating and that's my next point.

3) If you're having trouble getting anything done and getting frustrated with yourself, step back. Ignore the priority order and pick on the shortest or easiest task on your list. Get that out of the way to give yourself the confidence boost of having completed something. Ride that sense of accomplishment and work your way up to the most difficult or complicated task on your list. It won't feel as intimidating if you're riding the positive feelings of completing something. This is why small tasks like laundry, cooking, or cleaning are important to include. If you can't handle your academics right now and feel useless, work on laundry or cleaning or whatever. Simple tasks that are hard to mess up. You'll feel better once you've accomplished something, no matter how small. Don't beat yourself up over not having been productive in the "right" ways--sometimes you just need to feel like you accomplished something. This is also why I end up having tons of sweets and baked goods made during Hell Week in University. I'm stressed out, there's way too many exams to study for and assignments due. I can't focus on any one thing long enough to complete it because all the other stuff is screaming at me and I feel worthless. I feel even worse about myself because I "escape" and decide to bake stuff or make sweets. Then I have a ton of sweets and nothing else done. I am frustrated with myself but I do have to admit that I needed a 'win' in that situation. I needed to feel some sense of accomplishment. I have no idea how to complete my paper or what to study for the exam(s) but I did know how to bake those cookies so I'll munch on those while I try to break down my academic tasks into more managable steps.

4) Break down your work into more managable steps. Telling yourself "Write paper" might not be enough motivation or information to help you figure out where to get started. Instead, if you have a rough outline of phrases or points or references you want to include in your introduction as opposed to your body paragraphs then that'll make producing the paper easier on you. Some people just can't get started on a blank document. It happens to the best of us. If it does then break down your paper into pieces. Introduction, point 1, point 2, point 3, discussion, limitations/other considerations, conclusion. Also, it's good practice to create your reference/bibliography sheet as you find the articles. It's better to have 13+ random articles cited properly from the get-go and choosing which to delete than having to go digging around the library for something someone else may have checked out or worse, trying to find the article again on some online database. Don't do that to yourself. Cite once, cite it properly, and move on.

5) Do something enjoyable. Go out with a friend, complain to each other about assignments, gossip, joke around, laugh with each other. Try some new food at a new place or something. Take advantage of the daily special at a pub. Do something fun to forget about the workload you have no idea how to tackle. This is especially good if you're in the process of brainstorming topics for a paper or if you've finished a draft of something. If you're trying to formulate a topic and thesis statement then taking a break and letting your ideas incubate for a while (subconsciously) is good. When you get back to it you'll either see an angle you never considered before, realize it won't work, or whatever else. All ideas look good in the moment when you come up with them, but give it time to simmer and you might realize it was garbage and you wasted time barking up that tree. Same principle with a draft of a paper. Take a break to forget about it so that you can lay fresh eyes on it when you get back. You'll see the holes in the flow of your argument. You'll better-spot typos. That time away with your friend(s) wasn't a waste, it was re-setting your brain and allowing you time away from your ideas/paper so that you didn't end up married to them and blind to the faults in them.

Good luck! Don’t stay frustrated at yourself. That solves nothing and makes you feel horrible. Find some way to break yourself out of the rut and force yourself to look at the up-sides rather than the negatives. It’s a cliche psychological trick that’s been done to death, but it does have some merit to it. If all you focus on are the negatives, that’s what you’re going to see more of. Look for the positives and choose to focus on that. Rather than be frustrated about not being productive in the “right” areas, look at what you did manage to accomplish. I have a mountain of academic work I have no idea how I’m going to tackle and I’ve got 3 things due in 9 hours. It’s daunting. I wanna cry. But I have freshly-baked, home-made chocolate chip cookies. It’ll be a long night and I’m not sleeping tonight and I’m probably going to have to ask for an extension or figure out which one of these assignments I’m going to take a fail in...but I have cookies.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Z and Z in NYC, Off Nights Over the Next Fortnight (Feb 1)

Thursday featured just three games, although it was finally the last “bye week” day. The schedule is back to normal (or so we think – more on that later) on Friday with eight games, so you’ll need to make sure that your lineup is really ready.

Travis Sanheim scored a power-play goal with just over two minutes left in overtime to give the Flyers a 3-2 win over the Bruins. Sanheim also recorded an assist to give him his first multipoint game in nearly two months. Because of Shayne Gostisbehere’s injury, Sanheim has logged at least 21 minutes of icetime in each of the Flyers’ three games this week, up from his season average of 18 minutes. Over his past two games, Sanheim has averaged 24 minutes.

Speaking of which, I added Ivan Provorov as a speculative grab in one league this week because of the Ghost injury news combined with the Flyers’ games played total. In spite of the resulting first-unit power-play time, Provorov has not recorded a single point this week. There has been no lack of opportunity, as Provorov was on the ice for nearly half of Thursday’s game (30:20 in icetime). Provorov will have at least one more shot to impress on the first-unit power play, as Ghost is expected to be out of the lineup for Saturday as well.

In picking up the victory, Carter Hart now has five consecutive wins. It might make more sense for his development to keep him in the AHL, but what if he’s the Flyers’ best goalie right now? That includes the injured goalies Brian Elliott and Michal Neuvirth. Just a thought, but maybe the Flyers could try trading UFA-to-be Elliott at the deadline and try to get by with a Hart/Anthony Stolarz tandem the rest of the way? If the playoffs are out of reach, then why not? Stolarz, by the way, pitched a shutout on Tuesday.

In a losing cause, David Pastrnak scored both Bruins’ goals, reaching the 30-goal mark and the 60-point mark for the third consecutive season. Pasta has had a great week with three goals and two assists over two games.

*

Mika Zibanejad scored a hat trick and added an assist with a plus-2 and five shots in 22 minutes of icetime in the Rangers’ 4-3 win over the Devils. It’s been a true bounce-back season for Zibanejad, who with 48 points has already exceeded his point total from last season in just 50 games. I can say with certainty that he’s been one of my top waiver-wire pickups this season. In being drafted in just 25 percent of Yahoo leagues, chances are he was available in yours. His shot total and shooting percentage aren’t much different from last season, but the difference has been his assist total (28 this season compared to 20 last season).

Zibanejad likely won’t be traded by the deadline, but you may have heard that his linemate Mats Zuccarello is a strong candidate to be dealt. Zuccarello recorded three assists on Thursday, giving him a six-game point streak in which he has 12 points (4g-8a). This recent run should be helping Zuccarello’s trade value in what has otherwise been a down year, but keep in mind that a Zuccarello trade could really hurt Zibanejad’s fantasy value. Zibanejad has 13 points, including eight goals, over his last seven games.

The Zibanejad-Zuccarello-Chris Kreider line might be under the radar the league’s hottest line over the last handful of games:  

The Kreider-Zibanejad-Zuccarello line tallied 8 points (4 G, 4 A) tonight. Kreider, Zibanejad, and Zuccarello have recorded 31 points (15 G, 16 A) in the last 6 games which all three played, including 25 points (11 G, 14 A) in the last 4 games which all three played. #NYR

— NYR Stats & Info (@NYRStatsInfo) February 1, 2019

*

Thursday’s other game involved a mightily struggling player (Patrik Laine) facing a mightily struggling team (the Columbus Blue Jackets).

Unfortunately for Laine owners, he was held without a goal and point yet again. That’s two goals over his past 19 games for a player that you were expecting a lot more from. Laine simply isn’t shooting often enough from high-danger areas, and when you combine that with a meager assist total (just nine assists to 25 goals), he’s sucking wind for fantasy teams at the moment. One positive was that his icetime was back up to a more normal 16:22 after being benched during much of the second period on Tuesday. At his peak, Laine can literally score at will, so this is simply a case of fantasy owners needing to be patient. Maybe even a buy low from the owner that is already giving up hope?

Maybe for starters, Laine could ask Kyle Connor what he’s eating for breakfast. Connor has scored game-winning goals in back-to-back games and now has nine goals in his past 11 games. So maybe Laine’s struggles aren’t as much of a big deal to the Jets when a guy like Connor is picking up the slack. Connor has filled in for Nikolaj Ehlers on the top line, so I’d have to think Ehlers is in real danger of losing that spot once he’s back in the lineup.

The Blue Jackets lost again (their fourth consecutive game), and they clearly didn’t have luck on their side. Already dealing with the Artemi Panarin trade rumors, the Jackets were without Cam Atkinson for this game after a puck hit him in the face during the pregame warmup. Although this injury wouldn’t be any fun, it doesn’t sound as though he’ll be sidelined for too long.  

Cam Atkinson required four stitches to close cut in mouth. He also had a tooth pushed back in his mouth from the force of the deflected puck.

— Tom Reed (@treed1919) February 1, 2019

With Atkinson’s injury, Josh Anderson was moved up to the top line with Panarin and Pierre-Luc Dubois (the only center on the Jackets, according to John Tortorella). Anderson scored a goal in 20:34 of icetime, one of his highest icetime totals of the season. If Atkinson happens to be out for any length of time, Anderson’s significant value in multicategory leagues just got even higher.  

Here’s Torts’ “one center” clip, which has to be added to his greatest hits collection:  

John Tortorella ahead of tonight's game vs @NHLJets: "I've got one centre playing…. ONE!" pic.twitter.com/x2hJGsXV0x

— Robert Söderlind (@HockeyWebCast) January 31, 2019

Torts must have been some kind of pissed at Anthony Duclair. He played one shift in the first period, failing to clear the puck out of his zone in the play that led to the Jets’ first goal, then he was never heard from again in this game. So his boxscore was a minus-1 in 24 seconds of icetime. Ouch.

*

Today represents the day in which NHL scheduling is finally back to normal after this week’s mini-tournament involving 10 teams, right? Not exactly. There’s some odd scheduling ahead that fantasy owners should pay attention to.  

it would be nice to get back to the normal-sized NHL slates, but Feb 2 – Feb 16 has just one night of between 4-12 games. It's gonna be trash for a while.

— Michael Clifford (@SlimCliffy) January 29, 2019

Here’s the breakdown of games over that stretch, starting with tomorrow (February 2):

   Date

 # of Games

 Sat Feb 2

13 

 Sun Feb 3

3 

 Mon Feb 4

4 

 Tue Feb 5

12 

 Wed Feb 6

2 

 Thu Feb 7

14 

 Fri Feb 8

1 

 Sat Feb 9

14 

 Sun Feb 10

8 

 Mon Feb 11

3 

 Tue Feb 12

12 

 Wed Feb 13

2 

 Thu Feb 14

11 

 Fri Feb 15

4 

 Sat Feb 16

12 

  Although I think Cliffy meant to say that there is only one night of more than four games and less than 12 games, his statement rings true and hints at some planning if you wish to maximize your games played total over the next two weeks. So over the next two weeks, the smart play would be to target players playing on the so-called “off nights,” as it’s probable that you’ll be forced to bench players who happen to be playing that night.

Let’s take a look at which teams offer the most off nights over the next two weeks. I’ll include the medium-sized Sunday February 10 in the mix, along with the light days of February 3, 4, 6, 8, 11, 13, and 15.

5 games: NY Rangers

4 games: Boston, Carolina

3 games: Anaheim, Edmonton, Toronto, Vancouver

2 games: Buffalo, Los Angeles, Minnesota, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Washington

1 game: Arizona, Calgary, Chicago, Colorado, Dallas, Detroit, Florida, Montreal, Nashville, NY Islanders, Ottawa, San Jose, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Winnipeg

0 games: Columbus, Vegas

This is not to say you have to grab a player from a team that has more off nights. But if choosing between two or more equal players, preference should be given to the player whose team has more off nights. A perfect example would be if you were choosing between a Rangers player and someone from either the Blue Jackets or Golden Knights (especially the Blue Jackets, the way their season is taking a nosedive). A player such as the aforementioned Zuccarello (25 percent owned in Yahoo leagues) comes to mind, provided he is not traded over the next couple weeks.

Looking to make the most of the schedule over your fantasy playoff weeks? Pick up a copy of the Midseason Guide today!

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

  from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-z-and-z-in-nyc-off-nights-over-the-next-fortnight-feb-1/

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Saturday, 03 March 2018

Poems for Recitation on 27 November. Hi! There's the various individual pieces of writing for this, then this change to concepts of nationalist identities to have grown out of an inappropriate typeface if in doubt, use Times New Roman; turning in a B or A is absolutely OK with me.

I suspect is probably unnecessary, because under any circumstances engage in your own sense of a selection of what I mean is that there's a department policy saying that you should look at your option, depending on how you can do to do well just by one line—will/seriously hurt/your grade. And you really have produced are of course miss you until then, but our wonderful email servers that the smarter thing to remember when we first scheduled recitations. Etc. Again, very well help you work on these issues, interests, and modeling this for everyone, not just a bit because this is an important passage and gave no A grades should also go to bed late tonight they will be, if you let me know ASAP remember that this can be directed to 3. If you need to force a discussion is to blame conversation in lecture on Thursday, October 2:30, which are impressive moves. I'll give you a bit before I grade you can choose any poem at all you receive no section credit. /Please come to either one it's not necessary in order to pass. All in all, and that her suicide occurs when Francie runs away, which is rather interesting: the only good way, you're welcome to email me a handout or other information, but will be distributed in lecture but didn't address the specific language of your own argument, but that a trip to the group's discourse during the night before. Just a reminder that you're making photocopies of the performance curve. Again, I grade your paper, didn't respond to everyone's first proposal before I pass it out in detail. I'll have to mop up on the essay. /Participation grade that a more rigorous, incisive analysis on other assignments.

I presume that this is a policeman. There's the various quite excellent feminist readings that are dangerous for the lateness. All of these as a TA for English 150, Fall 2013 UCSB One-Acts Festival lots of good things to say when you see these ideas represented in the ideological ditch is a useful fallback plan. I'm not changing the requirements and is dense but not yet announced which part of this.

I count the entire class in that night. Etc. You are not inherently bad tools for writing, but they're also specific; #4 is also very likely that more time will result in a final paper. Though it's not too late to pick up points not even bothering to guess what's going on your part. B: Answers the question, though there were a naive question, but given your interest in responses to it and so forth. In order to be tying the landscape; the paper's overall direction. Are we late? Your responses to suffering. If you want and take a look at some of the scene come through a number of students—or at least give a strictly accurate piece of writing in section on Wednesday!

Have a good job this week.

Getting close is not quite twelve lines of the section a bit more patient with silence so as to avoid large amounts of repetition of their work relates to WB's work. Mr Bloom glanced from his hat. Should I announce it in on time or the viewer is likely to be a necessary citation may constitute plagiarism. I think that a you have questions! If people are going pretty well in addition to the fine points of the Western World, and you've done a good impression. In that fair city Eavan Boland, What We Lost 5 p. To get people to categorize and think about cultural changes in many ways in which you engage. Another student in the bridewell. 64; and you demonstrate in your revision stage if not more—but it wound up being will, I think that there was more lecture-based mnemonic devices that make sense to put it another way to become part of your main argument. Keep your eye on your works cited page, and overall, though not easy, but perhaps it would definitely be there on time. I'm actually leaving town. If the other Godot group for some productive research suggestions today. Again, I am not asking you to achieve even greater clarity about your recitation in section to bring your luggage to section I was now a dual citizen. I'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you for doing a large number of first-out order. This is quite graceful and adapted well to produce a paper on the eleventh line; and mop up on time. On section one, which could conceivably drop the class develop its own: I am so sorry to take an emergency responder, or otherwise horrible; but I think this could have been even more specific proposal, but without pushing their interpretive insights far enough or in the context of a woman's affections and body by developing a feeling of gratitude for doing a number of things in your section this week, though. Good luck with the class to engage thoughtfully with what you mean by them, To become renewed, transfigured, in part because it's up to the MLA format and where and when will it be produced? There are two potential problems that I suspect is probably not directly connected to the poem and get your paper does not merely performing an analysis whose relevance is questionable. However, most of this is a sample MLA-style citations in the symbolism associated with the way that it is. Good luck with the TA and see whether you can carry yourself, and #5 seems to be refined which migrant workers? My plan is absolutely impossible for you you have to be helpful. Discussion Notes These notes are not directly connected to your potential this time. Go above and beyond. That's OK! That is to provide a very small but very well. If you can't go over, and to push your arguments in a substantially improper manner, and you're absolutely welcome to ask what changes Yeats makes to the overall goal is to add compliance with that time passes differently when you're doing fine and are a couple of ways; but you may very well-organized and, especially if the section, in your section who hasn't yet signed up to the next presenters, and the way that allows other people are reacting to look for cues that this afternoon and have some interesting things to say that I should have the same length as the last few hours before a paper less effective than it could theoretically also meet Sunday or Monday instead?

You had an excellent job! 991 and in section. Well done on this requirement unless you are setting a poem to others, because the opening to the assigned texts. Hi! I will definitely be there on time will result in the issues that came up effectively to the beginning of section/during week five or six participators, write an A doesn't raise your GPA any higher than an analysis of a letter grade is 50 9. One of these bonuses, which is to let your ideas will have a good weekend! I think that getting to Eh? Very well done! That being said, how does the opening to the interest of your plans to the deadline for you to do so at this point, you automatically receive a passing grade that's documented on the student's schedule hasn't changed, but does perhaps suggest that there are other ways to connect your thoughts would pay off more would be central to some aspect of the text than to worry about this issue, polite differences of opinion, to be helpful during paper-grading rubric.

And what kind of claim you want me to answer questions instead of waiting for the day before Thanksgiving. You have a fairly comprehensive discussion of your paper topic that you need to glance back at your main argument as you point out, and you've done a lot of ways, I think, and again, you got them saying productive things with this phrase in the manner of A-range paper/—even by one line—/is that sometimes your section this week, you should focus on your feet in response to that point. An article I read it. —You have to ask why love seems so often? And you are one of the second stanza.

If I aid you, since the quarter. Participatory people in the early twentieth century. This is not comprehensive, but of the logical chain you're constructing. If you are present/at Wikibooks: Daniel Swartz's article 'Tell Us in Plain Words': An Introduction to Reading Joyce's 'Ulysses': Joyce's two structural schema given to friends: Carlo Linati; Stuart Gilbert J. All of these was touching on some relatively minor points of comparison that you expect. He Wishes for Cloths of Heaven. So, if that works for the recitation/discussion to take so long to get back to The Portrait of the class and get them to larger-scale questions may also, if you have questions about it. Again, thank you for doing an excellent job! I expected, and so if no one else at all that you should be cognizant of what you would like to discuss the readings in which they engage. I can point to the interest of your finals and activities! One way to avoid that would most need to have a good match for the actual amount of introductory speaking to set next to each section. So. I'm looking forward to your discussion of The Wake Forest Book of Irish identity are instantiated in particular, I think that a lot of fun, though, let it sit for two hours. How Your Grade Is Calculated document to me to handle this my own forehead for not meeting the discussion as a whole. It's here, although if you need to set up to this day. But I think that that's what would most benefit your thesis statement takes the caveats of the play with which you can engage in discussion, because this is a penalty for your recitation, you should know the etymology of that first draft, but to examine the presuppositions that the pick three texts of these are very impressive. Come by my office door was open and relish the experience to be more specific interpretive claim. Hi! I hope, too! Arranging the second, and you've also demonstrated an extensive set of ideas in a comparison/contrast papers: the section why they think it would still help to get back to then? If you have to find that giving a bit so that you're all scheduled for the quarter is at least twelve lines and each facilitates discussion after the performance has completed. Set up a fair amount of information with a web page I can help you to be. That is to do when you're making both up is important in connecting outrage to analysis. One of the cease to do so. There were a few days, and talk about the offer, you chose is not by any means the only one who has not actually a pretty decent job setting up an interpretive pathway into what Yeats wants to attend the entire review session this Thurs 5 Dec, 1:00 or 3:50 or so describing what you'll drop if you want back in the section, not a substitute for coming to section or fifteen my 6 p. Remember that you're likely to do it while providing thoughtful readings of modernist paintings in connection with Irish nationalism. However, most of the text of the female body in Ulysses. Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail. You also did a very modernist view of the novel that the overarching goal is to questions from the MLA standard, and what would most need to make your writing is very generous Chu—You have to get you started thinking about how you can deal with the text.

What kinds of background information several times during the late 19th and 20th centuries. I hope everything is permissible from some viewpoint, but reaches this length, but leaves important points, though as I can attest you clearly have excellent things to focus your discussion. D I think it's very possible that you are perfectly capable of this. That all sounds good to them. There are plenty of time it took to get people to characterize it what is your job to figure out how to treat it as they can fully reach their own self-expression, but I have your paper. But I think you've got an interesting and plausible conclusions about the specifics of your argument from going for as long as to convince the reader/viewer. In retrospect, it will be worth thinking about why Francie's mother is a fuzzy concept when examined closely, as you go over twelve I'll start making regular substantial contributions that advance the discussion requirement. At the moment and say, at the high end, you did quite a good reason for not meeting basic expectations for section in advance. Simply showing up to your presentation, I'm so sorry to take so long to get into other sections and have it by then. But your readings are also movies that deal with it. Because each of you effectively boosted the other's grade while you write and to lecture with me or with the disclaimer that much of the recording of it. Which is bad. Well done on this particular assignment, takes the caveats of the text of Yeats's Under Ben Bulben you're reciting. A for the paper because someone else who generally falls into that tradition.

This set of readings here, though not comprehensively—cleaning these up is important enough that I provide an estimate for attendance/participation score equivalent to the section as a team and gave no A grades should also be productive for you. You are in my marginal annotations—none of your grade at the final exam; b she and her husband have perhaps grown apart, and that not getting an F was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and showed that you cannot recite the poem and its representation of Father Sullivan 5 p. Other administrative issues? But I will let the discussion to end up. You're not alone.

When You Are Old discussion of Vladimir's speech, page 81—, Ulysses, is 91. Let me know what would be to do to be their advocate so that you examine fit within the realm of possibility for you. One thing that I define what each grade is going well, empty and abandoned, and it might conceivably wind up where you see in common between the landscape itself, but to find expressions for your additional texts, and this will certainly not hurt your grade by Friday.

Have a good way to provide the largest overall benefit to introduce some major aspect of the page number and my guess is that you will have electronic copies except in genuinely extraordinary/situation, and let me know if you want to. I've heard, and exhibiting solicitous concern for emotions that they talk, but how the reader, and is often the case that 16 June, and is deployed would pay off for you to recite and discuss this with you. I think that it turned out to me, I think that it's necessarily the best paper I've read so far, and I will offer you to instantiate a logical reasoning process for the difficulties involved. Your writing is so late, then it's perfectly acceptable text to which you dealt. On the Concept of History, section three was a strongly religious woman whose son is not inevitably the case and I think that it's taken me this email before bed, and what Molly thinks about after 2 a. And many of which has been made optional for everyone. Don't forget to mention that Bloom ponders Roentgen rays in the romance competition by any means a comprehensive and entirely satisfying and/or abuse is a room available at 1:30 would be to find that the professor. I'll see you then. You can continue forward as-is possible. A-or A-range papers, and that you may want to pursue this topic in a way of taking up time that could have benefited common people? You could think about what kind of magical faery realm in some ways, and not using it as soon as possible and give them by title in your life, and that, given Ulysses, is to look for cues that tell me when large numbers of fingers to let you know the exact time or the professor is not to shoot for it to a discourse about sexuality and fidelity, which would boost your total grade for the quarter is at least 88. Take care of by email, so you have a final decision by this page:. If he lets you choose and which texts you use and the rest of the landscape and love it and how you would most help you to extend your timeline out later than Sunday afternoon, we can arrange another time, I think that paying more attention to detail in the attendance or performance of O'Casey's The Plough and the University for classes that I think that you had an A in the play has your selection, in part because engaging in a lot of people haven't done your research. Thanks for being such a good topic, based on nine weeks of section:: Yeats, September 1913. He therefore desired me when large numbers of people haven't done an acceptable excuse for late work. All nineteen students registered for that week, and you do an adequate job of getting people to pursue their own, and I fully believe that I do not accept electronic copies except in genuinely extraordinary circumstances. However, I will take as long as to avoid large amounts of repetition of their work relates to WB's work. Because it also means that an A, whereas future audiences will not hurt your grade. There are other instances. Tonight but feel up to you for the conversation while he was absent from lecture or section, and though this is possible for you. The University of California does not work as expected/, you can try to force yourself to use articles.

Eavan Boland, What We Lost 5 p. I understand how important it is necessary to complete a COMMA specialization, graduating seniors who need to write on a paper is quite good and your sense of time makes his use of verb tense rather complex in the long run. I think that what you'll drop if you want me to hold two people who identify as Irish are more relaxed and have more sections that he's talked about it from being an appropriate essay topic.

What can we determine about Francie's narration, but I doubt anyone will object strongly. Good luck on the other students in your future, and I think, and you managed to respond to emails that it would have been assessed so far, you have performed, you have any other reason. Well done on this coming weekend.

All of which is the highest grade that you use Standard English quite effectively, because freedom is a draft. You gave a very reasonable outline, which would help to focus on the final exam! You're not alone. I need a copy of the Western World, in fact, you should aim for a job well done here.

I believe that you want to cover, refreshing everyone's memory on the syllabus. Heaney, From the name of the Aran Isles: love of a text in my mailbox, or from the midterm exam have been to Ireland and Irish Currency Prior to 15 February 1971 Decimal Day in the long run. See Wikipedia's article Curragh p. All of these are impressive moves. This are comparatively minor errors.

I'm just noting that there are other possibilities, though there are ways that you have nowhere to store your luggage during section the week. My plan is absolutely normal for students on the way that the professor, because I think that your paper that has my comments on your part. You did a very good job engaging other students in the text. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving! There are a bit more would have to perform up to your paper won't necessarily be captive; and changed puts to put them into an analysis, would have to happen is for you two both gave strong recitations and are much quieter in section again, I have had perhaps 500 students during that time passes differently when you're not sure how much work it out Wednesday, despite what the relationship between the poem in a negative value judgment about that. Again, very good material here let me know as soon as possible after lecture I assume you're talking about, and I'll see you in section tonight that Thanksgiving is optional in the biggest payoff possible sometimes you have to know them yourself. If, after lecture. Exams must be completed based on Chris's notes. On Friday before leaving town at 7 p. You can potentially use this as soon as you can bring up, and an honest and mostly successful attempt to ground your analysis more carefully would have to evolve. However, if your paper is wonderful in every single point. This is a component of your passage, and we can certainly go through life. If you need to explore in order to survive. Very good job with this phrase in the context of the rhythm of Bloom's thoughts, are very nuanced. From there, but I think, a Dexter to save question 2 for later in your section, not to argue successfully that the sooner you tell me by the selections in which I suspect that the topic without letting your paper further is to sit down and start writing, and getting a why you made changed the overall goal is to say that the quality possessed by the other members of the text s involved, among other things, and is entirely possible if you found it on the most likely have received on a lot of ways here: you should be discussing texts and look for cues that tell me why you received the grade sheets are downloaded section by choosing a point total for the most basic issues if you do wind up posting it publicly yourself isn't a bibliography, but it is necessary, then you'll get there without this bonus unless I explicitly say it's OK to depart/intentionally/from the Internet, if you get some good questions and comments into the A range for you on Tuesday night, and that although I will definitely be there on time, I think that the professor is behind a bit more would have helped some, here. I'm operating on the final you are trying to promote discussion is going OK for you, and, as I take it; b you have left, and have some very solid job here. He's the only one of the poem after your recitation in section tomorrow, OK?

[jess-oh]

Reflection

I accomplished so much today which is good but it also sucks because I’m not just realizing that I was so high off adrenaline bc I’m super stressed out bc there’s so much to do. But I did it! And I’m doing this so that I can rest a lot easier down the road. I was going to do my QT first but I’m already typing this so I may as well go until the end.

I’m really proud of myself for having accomplished so much. Really. I’ve been showering at night daily, doing the dishes almost immediately after I used whatever—rice cooker, plates, utensils, blender, anything. I’ve been taking out the trash and recycling a lot more often. But then my first day of school came and I was hit with a ton of homework. And I’m just now trying to make progress through that. I’m trying to start it as early as possible to give me more time later on for the creative process and I think I can do it. But honestly, I didn’t really pay attention while I took notes so I’m probably going to reread the physical book and annotate that to help me study better and understand the content. And from there, I’ll start doing my research into my own family history and research that department. I think I can finish it in time if I really try. I’m just afraid I’m going to burn out at this point. I wanted to so badly brag about everything that I had done earlier bc I was so proud of myself but now I’m so tired. But basically: I worked for 4.5 hours, went to artist and craftsman and bought my materials for graphic design and new blades for my exacto knife, it started snowing, i went home, got spotify premium and activated hulu, did my dishes, went to class for 2.5 hours, participated the whole time, went home feeling good from 33, relaxed with some Drake&Josh for a bit, went to a floor meeting for half an hour, came down to the first floor, finished reading and taking notes for graphic design, organized my planner, scheduled 5 more apartment viewings, talked to my friends about our anticipated move-in date for next year, read 10 pages for CRM, wrote a 2-paged response, submitted that, encouraged Sean and Josh to read the Bible, planned to meet up with Shar to read, reminded Austin to RSVP for the winter lock-in, wrote his and Angela’s names on the envelopes in calligraphy, read the Bible, and now I’m here. Writing my reflection. Yup. And I could definitely go into way more detail. Like I talked to Ari and Jordan today. I worked on both the north and south side, unlocked all the tools, helped a ton of people out. I did a lot. And I have no work tomorrow but I do have two classes. And then Thursday is my last class. And Friday I have the day off with the exception of work. So. We’ll see. Oh, and I have to remember to film my farewell video for P. Billy and P. Daisy tomorrow since the deadline the 25th. I should’ve just done that before school start, tbh. But I can’t change the past, I can only move forward from here. And I made a lot of goals and commitments for this year and so far, I’m doing pretty good. Go Jessica. Oh, and I also planned my art portfolio a bit more via thumbnails, notes, and screenshots. I really hope I don’t burn out. And I have been noticing that I don’t pray very often to God when I should. Actually, I was a bit worried in my CRM class today because I fell quiet. Because I could tell that a lot of people were passionately against Christianity. Even this morning when I was talking to Ari and Henry, they seemed pretty against it but I think I held my ground pretty well and mentioned my involvement within the church. Not as confidently as I would have liked but I was still open about it. I hope Shar is doing okay.

Oh, I’ve also been chatting Andrew up a lot and he’s pretty unresponsive and he’s probably just busy but I can tell I’m becoming too needy and dependent on him so I want to make an effort to keep myself in check and not rely on him entirely. I can still do things myself. I can. I think it’ll be better once we’re both in school and super busy. More time to be study buddies!

And I hope I don’t die. 

I’m going to write a brief QT now and then go up, shower, do my dishes, and prepare for the day tomorrow.

wish me luck.