#my dads going to steal a government boat?
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Today has literally been a dumb comedy of errors it'll be funny when i stop feeling actually ill from anxiety
#its not even happening to me.#this one person was visiting and *two* different boats have both not come by one at 7am and one at 2:30pm#one of them has a disorganized and sick (maybe related) shedule person that said âyeah we can pick you up on our wayâ#then 3 hours later said to the captain âno we dont have any rides tomorrowâ#and then we found out from someone who knows someone who knows the person and yeah#and the second one apparently the *entire crew* knew about the quick stop and didnt tell the captain#and the person has to start their new job tomorrow#sorry for the words i had to say it#i still feel actually sick its still not resolved i barely even know this person#im just carrying the luggage#my dads going to steal a government boat?
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I'm talking about One Piece again, not sorry. I'm never sorry for gushing about the best pirate show EVER!
How Luffy recruited his crew- abridged edition
The simplest but also the funniest way I can describe the way the crew got together.
Koby- The notorious sword fighter Roronoa Zoro is on this island! He hunted pirates, you should leave immediately!
Luffy- Hell nah, I want that guy on my crew! He sounds cool!
Zoro- Go away, I can handle this on my own!
Helmeppo- *Plans to break the deal he made with Zoro.*
Luffy- Hell no! *Saves Zoro.*
Zoro- If I had died I would never be able to be the world greatest swordsman, thanks I guess. I suppose your my captain now.
Luffy- This clown guy is annoying. *Beats up Buggy and helps Nami.*
Luffy- You should join my crew!
Nami- Ok! *Already planning to rob them blind.*
Luffy- *Meets a weird dude with a long nose, a slingshot, and a compulsive lying issue.*
Luffy- I like this dude.
Usopp- My island is being attacked by pirates!
Luffy- *Helps with the pirate problem.*
Merry & Kaya- *Gives them the Going Merry as a thank you gift.*
Luffy- Come on Usopp, I know you wanna join!
Usopp- Fine! I'll become a warrior of the sea, like my deadbeat dad!
The Crew- *Hops on a restaurant boat for food, and meets a weird chef with swirl eyebrows.*
Luffy- Hey, join us!
Sanji- Dude, no. I'm not leaving this restaurant.
Don Krieg- *Attacks the restaurant.*
Luffy- *Deals with it, as per usual*
Zoro- Fight me! *Says Zoro, to the greatest swordsman he could never hope to beat, because he has the crazy goal of being the greatest swordsman.*
Mihawk- *Severely wounds Zoro.*
Sanji- You guys all have dreams just as crazy as mine, might as well join you.
Nami- *Steals everything from the Strawhats to make money.*
Luffy- Nah, not gunna bug her.
Arlong- *Has somebody steal the funds to by her home island from Nami, to force her to basically continue being his slave.*
Nami- Luffy... help.
Luffy- *Zero questions asked takes off to go beat that dude Arlong just because she asked for his help.*
Luffy- *Almost dies doing this, but nevertheless the mad lad does it.*
Nami- I'll actually join this time, no more robbing you guys.
Nami- *Gets really sick and almost dies.*
Luffy- A musician can wait for now, let's get her help. *Almost dies getting her help*
Chopper- *Accidentally gets spotted by Luffy, who immediately sees a reindeer and thinks "Dinner!"*
Chopper- *Transforms to get away.*
Luffy- Holy shit, a monster! Join my crew!
Chopper- *Offended by being called a monster, runs away.*
Sanji- Luffy is a monster too. Dude is literally made outta rubber.
Chopper- *Sense of camaraderie, but not enough yet.*
Luffy- *Helps him see his adoptive fathers dream through.*
Kureha- Go on kiddo, join em.
Chopper- Fine! Also I'm a doctor!
Luffy- Sweet, we needed one of those!
Robin- Theres no point in living, my research is going nowhere. Let me die.
Luffy- Absolutely not! *Saves her by force.*
Robin- You forced me to stay alive, guess I'm your problem now.
Franky- *Steals all the money from the Strawhats so they can't afford to fix the Going Merry, or buy a new ship.*
Luffy- Dude wtf. *Wrecks his base, but the money is already spent and gone.*
Usopp- I see your willingness to move on from the Merry as a personal attack, but I won't tell you that. Byeeee.
Robin- *Lets herself get arrested and sentenced to death to protect the crew.*
The Crew- Oh helllll nah! Get back here!
Franky- *Kidnaps Usopp as retribution, not knowing the situation of him leaving.*
Franky- Dude your ship is about to fall apart, let her rest.
Usopp- I know that! But the Merry is important, and also I saw a ghost fix her once.
Franky- Dude that ghost WAS the Merry. She talked to you because she loves you guys.
Government- *Kidnaps Franky and Usopp too.*
Franky- You have good friends Robin, maybe you should just let them save you.
Robin- No, I'm doing this for them.
The Crew- We literally don't want you to do that.
The Crew- *Literally wages war on the government to get their friend back.*
The Going Merry- *Saves the crew before having a tragic funeral as sea.*
Franky- You guys need a boat. It just so happens I used the money I stole from you to buy this epic wood to make a boat out of. You guys practically payed, so you can have it.
Luffy- Awesome! Now join us!
Franky- No.
Literally like a fifth of the population of Waters 7- *Steals his speedo in an elaborate game of keep away to get him to go to the Strawhats.
Luffy- Join or you can't have these back.
Robin- *Twists his balls to force him to join.*
Franky- Christ, fine.
Luffy- Holy crap guys it's a talking skeleton! Let's go talk to him!
Half the Crew- Absolutely not.
Luffy- We are doing this y'all.
Brook- Hello! Miss may I see your panties? *Asks the 90 year old skeleton dude*
Nami- Wtf? Absolutely not.
Luffy- Join us!
Brook- Yes!
Half the Crew- Luffy no...
Brook- I can sing and play instruments!
Luffy- Fuck yes a musician, finally!
Brook- My shadow was stolen so I'd die in the sun. Can't join, gotta get it back, don't follow me, BYEEEE! *Runs on the water and leaves.*
The Crew- *Accidentally ends up in the same place Brook went.*
The Crew- Oh shit zombies!
Luffy- Awesome! I wish all these monsters would join the crew!
The Crew- Dude... why.
Half the Crew- *Gets their shadows stolen by the same dude who stole Brooks.*
Brook- Use salt, it works.
Luffy- *Beats up a giant zombie with his shadow in it, and then beats up the warlord who steals the shadows.*
Luffy- Brook, join us.
Brook- No, sadly I cannot. As the last living member of my crew, I have a duty to our friend the whale, Laboon.
Luffy- Oh that whale? We know him! I drew our Jolly Roger on his face, he's a buddy of mine.
Brook- Guess I'm joining!
Jinbe- Luffy, buddy, come to the fish man island and say hi!
The Crew- *Immediately causes chaos.*
Jinbe- Dude please stop.
Luffy- Haha, no. So who do I needa punch to get you to join us?
Jinbe- I can't dude. Love you man, but I have prior arrangements.
Luffy- *Fixes the problem on the island*
Luffy- Ok now join us.
Jinbe- Busy.
Luffy- *More chaos.*
Jinbe- Fiiiiine. *Severs Ties with the Big Mom crew and joins them.*
#one piece spoilers#one piece#Luffy#monkey d Luffy#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#nami#tony tony chopper#franky#jinbe#nico di angelo#god usopp
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original story ideas that Iâll probably never get around to writing pt 2
Alex the first grade ninja. For my father, of course.
NEW STORY:
Terminally ill girl (age 18) gets powers from the radiation of chemotherapy to make clones of herself. First she makes 1 clone and after naming it, she teaches it how to walk, and talk and basically raises it like a child until she sends out the clone1 (who now resembles 20) to live her life, sub chapters dedicated to her and how her originals teachings influenced people, and when the original makes another clone, every clone made comes back to see and help and teach too.
Only 1 clone can be made at a time, and it usually takes about a week to be up to speed with their maturity and age (they do age fast, but it slows going to the age the terminal girl wants to stop). To keep from getting mixed up, they dye their hair, or get piercings or get really good at stage makeup to literally change their face. Because the original girl canât go out and have adventures, her clones experience the world for her, by keeping a journal and at the end of every month, coming back and reading their adventures to each other.  Terminally ill girl only has expected life of a year left to live, starts in December after Christmas.
NEW STORY:
Curious boy ghost who lives in a âhaunted houseâ has a family move in. He has anxiety, and has calling attention to himself, but at the same time desperately craves cuddles and wants to be heard. The family remodels the house, bringing in better plumbing, electricity and fancy electronics. In the house, the family finds the ghosts old box of treasures: a little paperweight, a brooch, an old explorer pin, and his lucky penny that has a hole in it. The family decide to keep the treasures and suddenly the ghosts domain is expanded.
The family can now see him, he can go to work with the dad, cook with the mom, go to school with both of the girls. But then he still doesnât understand a lot of stuff, like when the younger one says that being a girl doesnât feel right, they feel like a boy or how electronics work or how he deals with crush on the older sister or why the big scary house company is threatening to close the house unless the bank gets their money. But the ghost knows heâll do his best, right after he gathers his courage of course!
NEW STORY:
A librarian/bookseller grandma takes in her granddaughter and teaches her how to read people faces and do âbookseller magicâ based off of predicting what people want by the looks on their faces.
NEW STORY:
Screw it. Write a novel where there is an asexual/aromantic adventurer duo who has to keep saving their unbelievably stupid crew mates (not captain) from the monsters in the magic world, they own a boat restaurant where they give food deliveries to mermaids, sing with sirens, and have to comfort the sex creatures who try to target them and now feel horrible about their jobs.Â
NEW STORY:
After an active school shooting, Viva is learning to cope with the death of her best friend and how close her little sister brushed death. With the other high schoolers who survived, they decide if the government wonât do something about gun control, they will, so something like this never happens again. On a journey cross country they face trials. Adults donât want to give up their guns but the kids are so done being afraid. No one goes to school, they get billions of kids to join in their cause and steal guns, they actively break in to gun shops and overwhelm the store and take the guns. Black kids keep getting shot at, so theyâre the ones that stay in the cars while the white kids do the breaking and entering. News helicopters follow their story, but since theres so many teens driving cars they canât keep track of any one singular car. Parents turn against their own children for taking the guns away, teens get involved with arms dealing rings.
The final destination is a giant steel vault they never reveal the location of, but you could guess where itâs buried. Could be a series addressing every major issue, the plot is mainly against major corporations. deals with being lgbtq+. local governments try to ban teen driving or get the test changed but parents are very vocal about not changing that, they're convinced that their child would never, in fact their child actually does. No high school has a full class for the entire year. It starts in Florida, and moves across the states. There's a couple of privileged rich kids that join in, funding repairs for the solar powered cars, hospital compensation for those shot, etc.
Along the way, kids come to her with other problems they face, some can't eat, some aren't vaccinated, some have parents with substance abuse or alcoholism, some are homeless, some aren't believed that they were raped, some feel like they don't measure up because of standardized testing, some have disabilities and express discomfort and annoyance with society, some have had major hospital bills that they couldn't pay, some were parents only because their own didn't explain the process, some just wanted to get away from their parents because they were forcing their views on them, some were facing homophobia, racism, misogyny, eventually,
after they dump the guns off, the president calls a press conference with her, and she agrees. she meets with her sentinels, and they try to subtly interrogate herÂ
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Luke and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad 72 Hours
Imagine youâre a 19 year old working on a farm, and one day you buy some new animals from traveling merchants to help out around the farm - letâs say a goat and an ostrich. Youâre cleaning them and getting them ready to work when you notice that the goat has a message tied around its neck. It sounds like the message might be intended for the kooky old guy who lives by himself out in the wilderness. Youâve met the guy a few times, you might even consider him a friend, but heâs mostly a mystery. You ask your uncle if he knows anything about it, but first he denies any knowledge and then he says the intended recipient of the message knew your dead father, and then he abruptly tells you to forget all about it.
Okay, weird???
That night, the goat runs away. The ostrich is freaking out about it. You go after it with the ostrich the next morning and find it making its way towards the old hermitâs house, but youâre attacked by a local gang and knocked tf out. When you wake up, the old hermit is there, and he takes you back to his place and drops the bomb on you that apparently your dead dad wasnât who your family told you he was?? Apparently he wasnât a navigator on a fishing boat, he was a pilot and a samurai warrior, and he was fucking murked by his samurai buddy??? And while that earth-shattering revelation is still fresh in your mind, Hermit Dude reads the rest of the Goat Message. Apparently itâs from a princess, and sheâs asking Hermit Dude for help in a massive civil war thatâs been going on. She says this goat is a Very Important Goat, and itâs carrying information thatâs essential to the war effort that could restore prosperity to the entire world.
Hermit Dude then immediately sits back, looks you in the eye and without preamble says, âYouâre going to have to learn how to be a samurai warrior if youâre gonna come with me to the big city and help this chick and save the war effort.â And youâre like â??? learn?? to be a samurai?? Big city?? What in the frick frack paddywack are you babbling about? Listen dude I got shit to do, I canât just go off on this wild goat chase. But look, if it means so much to you Iâll give you a lift to the nearest town so you can go on your own.â
But on the way to town, you come across those traveling merchants you bought the goat and ostrich from - all dead, their caravan trashed. âThis wasnât the gang,â Hermit Dude says, âThe government did this, and made it look like it was gang activity. They were looking for your Goat Message.â You race back home, only to find the smoldering remains of your farm, and the charred skeletons of your family laid out on the doorstep.
With nothing to do, nowhere else to call home, and a newfound revenge-driven fury in your chest, you return to Hermit Dude and say, âMake me a samurai like my apparently-murdered father, yo-yo master Hermit Dude. Iâll go help the war effort with you like the princess asked.â
So you all head off to this shady-ass small town run by crime lords. The government is already there, looking for the goat, and Hermit Dude hypnotizes these two military guys like itâs no big deal, sooooo apparently he can just do that? Okay, neat, neat, neat. Hermit Dude then chops somebodyâs fucking arm off right in front of you in a bar fight (what the fuck), and long story short you end up selling your car so you can hitch a clandestine ride to the Big City in this fast-talking cowboyâs RV, which looks like itâs held together with spit and duct tape. Cowboy Guyâs best friend is this 7-foot-tall dude with so much hair and beard that he could probably hide weapons in it. The military arrives and you barely make it out of the parking garage, and you end up in a fucking car chase before you make it to the highway and get the hell outta dodge.
BUT THEN you finally arrive at the Big City, and itâs gone. Thereâs nothing there, just the ruined wasteland of nuclear rubble where the government dropped the bomb (which by the way was JUST invented). And as far as you know thatâs??? Never happened before?? So, thatâs terrifying. (Also keep in mind your home was razed and your family was brutally murdered like less than 24 hours ago so THATâS still fresh.)
Thereâs one little government truck that sees you and takes off. Cowboy is like âLetâs shoot their tires out before they go report to somebody,â but there isnât anybody around to report to. EXCEPT FOR THE CITY-SIZED BATTLE STATION ON WHEELS THAT ABDUCTS YOU, RV AND ALL. What the fuck is this? Since when did this exist??? They pull the RV into their parking garage, but you hide under the floor panels, surprise-attack some soldiers and steal their uniforms. You sneak into a control room, hoping to shut down the stationâs power and escape, but while Hermit Dude goes to cut some power cords, you notice some records lying around. And, hey, whatâs this? The princess that wrote the Goat Message? Sheâs here on Massive Battle Station? SCHEDULED TO BE EXECUTED??? Well, of course you canât let that happen! Cowboy is grumpy about it but you manage to convince him.
Using your military disguises, you manage to find and save the princess from her cell, almost get crushed to death in a trash compactor while escaping from the prison section, and arrive back at the parking garage pursued by hordes of soldiers - only to witness Hermit Dude, your only remaining link to your home and your old life, get sliced in actual half right in front of you.Â
Thereâs another one for Trauma Bingo!
(P.S. youâve also now killed several government soldiers in your escape. Youâve now killed people. Youâre a killer.)
You manage to escape in the Duct Tape RV with Cowboy, Beard, Princess, Ostrich and Goat, but youâre followed by some government cars. You climb up on the roof to engage in an at-speed shootout with them, because after the last 36 hours, this is the least weird thing youâve done. Firefight with government forces? Yeah, sure, what the hell. No big deal, honestly.
So now not only are you family-less and homeless, but youâre DEFINITELY on some sort of government list of known criminals. Guess thereâs no going back now; youâre part of the rebels whether you want to be or not! Thankfully youâve still got that grief-driven justice quest going on, doubly compounded by witnessing the murder of your mentor.
The RV makes it to the secret base where the rebels have been hiding. The Very Important Goat is finally delivered, and it coughs up plans for the gigantic battle station. So far, so good. Except, curses! The government tracked you here! Looks like the fight happens now. Game on, jackass government. Game on. âThatâs impossible!â cries one pilot, to which you reply, âNah, I basically did it all the time back home.â You sign up to fight: a pilot, like your dead samurai dad.Â
Why was a 19 year old civilian with some bush-plane experience (??) allowed to sign up to fly a fighter plane? Weâll never know.
Also, the goat comes on the plane with you.
Cowboy collects his payment and takes off, which youâre not happy about, but at least youâre reunited with your BFF from back home. So at least you have one single connection to home left.
Until he dies. RIP.
You try blowing up the Enormous Battle Station the normal way, but the disembodied spirit of Hermit Dude appears in your head and tells you to use your Magical Samurai Powers. You do, and succeed in blowing up the Big-Ass Battle Station just as Cowboy arrives again to take out the Big Baddie who killed Hermit Dude. The Traveling Nuke Factory is destroyed, the evil government has taken a big blow, and you get a shiny medal in a ceremony with your new friends.
So, letâs recap. In the last, oh, 2.5 days or so, youâve gone from living your everyday life to seeing everything you know and love destroyed, to becoming a traitor to the evil government and a rebel, to fighting in (and winning) an intense military battle thanks to your fledgling Magic Powers, to now being the poster child of the rebellion.
You need therapy.
But at least the goatâs okay.
#star wars is wild#star wars#a new hope#sw: a new hope#luke skywalker#this is why luke went dark in ESB#the kid needs hella therapy
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Ice Floe by Melissa Birling  #YAFantasy #YARomance #PNR #Mermaids
Ice Floe
Ice Floe SeriesÂ
Book One
Melissa Birling
Genre: YA Fantasy Romance, YA PNRÂ
Publisher: Purpance Publishing
Date of Publication: April 28, 2022
Number of pages: 320
Word Count: 87,000
Cover Artist: Thea Magerand
Tagline: Secrecy is safety. Sisterhood is everything.
Book Description:
Seventeen-year-old Glacia didnât plan to track a kidnapper, stick a middle finger to the government, and fall into a forbidden summer fling. This is simply what happens when youâre the resident odd girl out, in a shoal of all-female mermaids whose values are a little cracked. Or a lot cracked, if you consider government-endorsed murder and the seizure of male infants to be an issue.
When society rules, family, and romance collide, Glacia fights back the best way she knows how: by taking the matter into her own combat-trained hands and kicking some tail. The problem is, no amount of training can prepare Glacia for the crime circle she discovers, secrets she unveils, and human guy she canât get out of her head. Glacia finds herself at a crossroads where she must decide whose rules to follow. Who she can trust. And ultimatelyâŠwho lives and who dies.
Amazon      Goodreads
Ice Floe Excerpt: Chapter 6
Weâve been sitting on the ledge a while now, mostly staring at the view. I steal occasional glances at Tucker. I canât shake the feeling that thereâs a force between us. Energy. A pulse. A magnet. Something. Every time I focus my thoughts elsewhere, he pulls me back in. Itâs distracting.
âYou ready to head down?â he asks.
âYou might as well get started. I canât climb down with all your equipment in the way.â âI have an extra harness. You should come down with me.â He reaches for his pack and stands up.
I jump up to join him. âNo way. Iâm not hooking myself into that death trap.â
âGlacia, come on. This cliff is super challenging, and itâs way more difficult to climb down than up,â he says, his voice growing louder. Here we go again.
âIâll be fine once you get your stuff out of the way.â I raise my volume to match his. âItâs not safe. I would feel horrible if I let you climb down and you got hurt.â
âLet me?â
âNot let you. Itâs your choice.â âI choose NO.â He clenches his jaw tightly and grinds his teeth. I take a few steps back in preparation. Thereâs enough room up here to land a solid kick to the face. That should knock him out, then Iâll have to figure out a way to climb down his catâs cradle setup. Tucker crosses one arm over his chest and raises a hand to cover his mouth. We glare at each other â at an impasse.
âLetâs make a deal,â he offers. âYou climb down with me using a harness and rope, and Iâll take you on a boat ride.â
This catches my attention.
âThatâs right, I saw you light up when I mentioned my dadâs boat shop,â he continues with a cocky air.
Heâs more perceptive than I gave him credit for. Volatile and perceptive. A hefty combination.
âHave you ever been on a boat?â he asks.
I shake my head. I would love to go on a boat. Tucker knows how to fix them and can teach me everything a trainer could, plus more. What am I thinking? This is crazy. I canât go on a boat with a human. What excuse would I give if I got caught? I canât pretend Iâm seducing. Everyone knows thatâs not high on my priority list, and youâre not supposed to seduce alone. Maybe I could say that Iâm collecting information to share with the girls I teach⊠Hmm. Thatâs almost believable, given my dedication to the studio.
Tucker can tell Iâm on the fence about it and ups the ante. âIâll teach you to drive the boat.â
Unfair. Of course, I want to learn how to drive a boat. Thatâs a beyond useful skill in my back pocket. I peek down the cliff face to assess the reliability of Tuckerâs wedge-rope system. Stupid. Like I know what Iâm looking for.
âFine,â I agree. âWe need to be hooked together, so if I die, you die.â âSeems reasonable.â
âAND I get to drive the boat.â
âDeal. Letâs see, today is Monday, and I already have plans tomorrow. Wednesday?â
âWhat time?â
âEleven a.m. on the Ula pier.â âIâll meet you there.â Tucker flips his pack around, unclips a belt, and offers it to me. âDo you know how to wear a harness?â
I snatch it from him, compare it to his gear, and step into the leg holes. When I have it all clipped in, I throw my hands on my hips.
âNow what?â I ask.
Tucker leans in toward me, rope in hand, then pulls back and reconsiders. âThatâs not quite right,â he says haltingly. âCan I fix your harness?â
âI already agreed to this mess, didnât I?â
He rolls his eyes. âI think thatâs a yes. Pull the harness up â it has to sit higher on your hips.â
I follow his instructions, and he flops the rope over one arm. He moves in closer and bends down to reposition the harness. His fingers wrap around the loop against my leg as he pulls it up below my hip. My heart beats faster and my insides twists. I evaluate the top of Tuckerâs head in an effort to distinguish these sensations from other emotions. He secures the loop and raises his gaze to meet mine.
âIs that too tight?â he asks. His hazel eyes penetrate mine. The edges are a deep brown that blend into a murky green with an amber starburst around the pupil. I shake my head and look away. I hope he canât tell how disoriented this is making me. âPull the tabs on your waist tighter,â he instructs.
I cinch the waist while he rearranges the other loop on my leg. Why is this making me so agitated? Heâs only fixing my gear so I donât fall to my death. Tucker gathers the rope into his hand and reaches out to tie it to the front belt loop. As he does, his fingers brush my skin just below my belly button. A jolt of electricity shoots through my body. I take in a small gasp of air and hold my breath. He freezes, his fingers lingering on my stomach. Did he feel that too?
 About the Author:
Melissa Birling strives to experience life from a âboth andâ rather than âeither orâ perspective. She enjoys living in metropolitan cities and on a small farm. She appreciates burn-your-tongue Mexican cuisine and delicious London pub food. Lately, Melissa spends her time engaging with cyber security professionals and mermaids. Not actual mermaids, although if you know any, sheâd love to meet them.
The revelation that one can be both a successful corporate consultant and a fantasy author who writes about mermaids, encouraged Melissa to finish her debut novel, Ice Floe. The emotional high of typing âThe Endâ at the completion of her first draft, triggered a writing spree that hasnât stopped since. On any given Saturday or Sunday, you will find Melissa writing. She wonât respond to any attempts at human engagement, because sheâs âat a good part,â but youâll find her typing away, nevertheless.
Melissa lives with a ceaselessly supportive husband and their dog who enjoys hunting neighborhood skunks.
https://melissabirling.com/
https://www.instagram.com/melissabirling/
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorMelissaBirling/
Sample the First Four Chapters for Free atÂ
www.icefloeseries.com
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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Survey #459
âi wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh / i wanna hold you high and steal your pain awayâ
Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when youâre old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game youâve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie youâve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone whoâs died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when youâre sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when itâs on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the âtheyâre just being kidsâ excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. Youâre getting married. Whoâs your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. Whatâs the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. Whatâs your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao Whatâs your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say youâre a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing youâve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriendâs/girlfriendâs parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. Whatâs been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. â„ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.
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Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 7
Warnings: None  Rating: PG-13  Pairings: Zuko/OC  Summary:  âYou have everything youâve ever wanted.â âNo.â He said softly. âNot everythingâŠâ  His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before. âI guess not.â She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes.
My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T
Feeling smug about the events at the abbey and riding that beast around the land Tsai decided to go for a walk to clear her head.
Should she have done more to capture the Avatar?
It would've been wrong to steal Zuko's glory. After all he had made capturing the Avatar his life's mission and who was she to try and take that away from him? And then he always said that she only got in the way. This thought irked her to no end. 'If only he knew,' a cocky smirk made way to her face.
xxx
'Again!' Her grandfather had once said to her.
'But grandpa! I'm so tired. We've been practicing all day the nine year old dropped to her knees exhausted. 'Mecha doesn't even have train half as much as I do with his fire bending.'
He looked at her with hard brown eyes.
'Mecha can afford to be weak. He has the gift of fire bending and I'm afraid you don't.' She lowered her light brown eyes sadly. 'You're always going to work twice as hard for everything that you want Tsai. Both as a woman and as a non-bender.' He explained.
He took in a deep breath before the older man took a fighting stance. The man was about to bark again but instead changed his mind. 'Come with me,' he had said turning away calmly instructing his grand daughter to follow. 'I want to give you something.'
xxx
The girl toyed with the choker sunstone necklace around her neck. He had given it to her that day and she had seldom taken it off. Her grandfather had said it had once belonged to her grandmother. An elegant lady from the Fire Nation whom Tsai had never met since she passed the day in which she was born. Her grandfather rarely spoke about her, she always assumed the memory was too painful for the man. However, in family portraits and paintings she had seen that they both shared the indistinguishably blazing red hair.
Zuko had been terribly rude to her the day before so he deserved to suffer out his paralysis for a little while longer. She did not want to be around by the time that June awoke and face her wrath and she had the feeling that Iroh was in a heavenly bliss with the beautiful woman laying on him. And so she traveled the local market and took her sweet time buying rare herbs, tea and even some local perfumes and lotions as souvenirs for her family.
She took her sweet time, even pulling her wrist to her nose every once in a while to enjoy the scent of her new perfume. However, as she attempted to steer her thoughts clear she kept on flashbacking to the Avatar's expression as their eyes met across the abbey. She still hadn't figured how to interpret that. The Avatar, he was a symbol for equality. Maybe just maybe he would be able to help her bring some peace to her nation... Would she be considered an aid to him? Letting him go like that? She would've become a blood traitor to not only her family but to her nation. The daughter of the Vice-Royal Governor a traitor to her own people- she shook her head not even wanting to think of the royal chaos that would be.
She still debated if she had done the right or wrong decision in not fighting the Airbender. There was something about it that bothered her to no end.
The sun was setting by the time that Tsai arrived on the ship. She arrived just in time to see the soldiers stepping out.
"We're going to the local market for some supplies," explained the cook. "While the mechanics check the ship engine and make sure everything is well functioning." Not giving it much mind the girl nodded and walked in. "Also-" Added the lieutenant. "This arrived for you," he said handing her a scroll that arrived with one of the ship's fire hawks.
It had to be from Mecha! She grinned broadly and leaned against the one of the ship's walls cooly as she unwrapped the scroll snacking on some mixed nuts she had gotten at the market.
Her heart stopped and a nut went the wrong way when she read the words that her brother had writte. She beat her chest in an effort to lodge it out of place and gasped at the attached paper he sent.
It was a WANTED - REWARD poster with her face plastered on it. The charges were the following: obstruction of justice, breaking in entering restricted military premises and being an accomplice and aiding of enemies of the Fire Nation. Under the information was a very well descript drawing of her. Names: Unknown, alias "Haru".
'Tsai,
Tell me why my sister 's face is on a wanted poster and goes by the alias of "Haru?"
This is either the coolest of the dumbest thing you have ever done. (Know that I am having it framed and hanged in my room). I have been hiding the posters from mom and dad and the rest of You Dao but it won't be long before somebody realizes that it is you and identifies you. I'm afraid you can't get very far with that bloody hair color of yours my dearest sister.
A traitor to the nation huh? Just what are you doing in that boat with the banished prince and his uncle? I have been taking care of all of your governing duties, so do not worry about that. Baku, Moss and Ana send their helloes. It's been nice getting to know some of your friends.
(Mother keeps asking if we should plan a Royal wedding- ignore that. (She insisted that I wrote that.) I had to remind her that you are ONLY just sixteen.)'
She rapidly flipped the page of the scroll and read his inked words in the back.
'And in regards of the Avatar.' He began. 'I wish I could just ship the library to you. But after extensive research I'm afraid I didn't find much. I mean why would there be any texts about the Avatar in the Fire Nation colonies to begin with?
However, here is what I can tell you. Air benders are particularly skilled in defensive techniques. They were known to be peaceful people, have mainly vegetarian diets, their leadership was guided by monks- they are known to be fast and easy on their feet. One hasn't been seen in more than a hundred years. Also apparently they were famous for their custard pies.
In regards of the Avatar- His last life was Avatar Roku born in the Fire Nation, the next will be born a water bender. You see the Avatar follows a cycle. Fire, Air, Water and Earth. It follows this cycle over and over again and must master the elements in that order. In this case it's going to be Air, Water, Earth and Fire. Get what I mean?
I hope I was of help. I miss you Tsai. Please be safe. Do not make me worry. I don't know how much dad can do to pardon you if you get into too much trouble.
Be safe, please.
If you're getting in trouble... I hope it's worth it.
- Mecha'
The nuts slipped off her hand and spilled all over the floor. She ran inside of the Captain cabin on the deck's floor where she knew that all of the maps and Avatar information was being kept. She pointed a finger at it and lightly traced the map with her finger. It seemed as if Zuko had been following the Avatar's trail all the way from the Southern Water Tribe up north. He had been traveling north for some months now and simply seemed to be climbing higher and higher in the map. It was then that the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.
"He's going to the Northern Water Tribe," she breathed her finger landed on the icy north pole. It made sense. The Avatar had already mastered air, he had to master water now if he wanted to advance to the next element.
"He's going to the water tribe," she repeated again almost in disbelief. She had figured it out. Her grip tightened around the letter her brother had sent. Dropping the goods she had bought she sprinted outside and tore the letter into the ocean. She leaned over the rail her eyes following the bits and pieces of paper that drifted down to the black waters and vanished into the darkness of the sea.
She had to get out of here. And fast. Before Admiral Zhao's men came to lock her up and collect their reward. She felt that Zuko wouldn't hesitate in fingering her over to the Fire Nation authorities. He'd be more than glad to have her of his ship! What if they got in trouble? What if her family got in trouble?
She had done a grave mistake. Feeling her anxiety churning in her stomach she quickly turned around ready to gather her belongings and leave but suddenly stopped in her way. Prince Zuko was standing a few feet away on the ship's deck and he did not look happy. He wore his hair up, his eyes appeared to glow with the sun which was setting behind them. It took her a moment to realize that he wasn't only unhappy, he was fuming, absolutely and completely livid.
"You!" He snarled out. He stomped towards her. "You had him in front of you and you let him go!" He put his hands on her and shoved her in a provocative matter. "What are you talking about?" She scoffed back pushing his hands of her person. "The Avatar!" The other roared. "He spoke to you! You had him in front of you and you let him go!" He raged.
In Zuko's eyes this was the greatest betrayal. She had had the opportunity to capture his honor. To help him. To for once to help him reach his ultimate goal and she didn't. Instead she stood there and conversed with the enemy. She was a snake. A beautiful venomous red snake that would slowly consume him.
"How could you do this to me?!" His voice cracked and he shuffled uncomfortably at the crack of his emotions.
"How could I do this?" She raised an eyebrow confused. "What did you want me to do? Knock him out with my bare hands?," She once again scoffed at his ridiculous suggestion with heavy sarcasm. "I guess I just didn't want to "Get in your way,"" She said nastily before brushing past him brushing past his shoulder as she passed him.
She didn't see it. The rage and anger that was boiling inside of him like a volcano ready to explore.
"Agni Kai! You and Me. Now!" He demanded, his voice hard and void of emotion. She looked over her shoulder and huffed before shaking her head.
"You can't do that," she turned once again granting him her full attention. Her eyes momentarily drifted to the dock. Just where was Iroh? Or anybody else? SOMEBODY that could intervene.
"Now!" He roared once again.
"You're insane," she said eyes blowing wide with a blend of shock and fear. "You've gone mad. I'm not like my brother. I can't bend fire."
It was then that he walked towards the nearby wall and grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall. With one swift movement he split it into two breaking it over his knee.
"Who said anything about fire?" He said raising up he a half of the broom in one hand and aggressively thrusting it in her direction. She shifted her body dodging it and looked at him perplexed before he threw the other half at her, the half with the hay sticks at the end that was functional for sweeping. She barely caught it and held it awkwardly between her hands.
She was beginning to regret ever coming abroad this ship. This was a huge mistake. Coming on this trip. It was then that he charged towards her, and now Zuko was going to make a roasted kabob out of her.
"I am not going to fight you!" She protested as she dodged his swift attacks. She blocked another with her makeshift broom sword. "Zuko stop!" She pleaded.
He attacked again. "Good reflexes, "he complimented the slightest grin on his face.
"I'm trying my best," she struggled but failed to hide the odd smirk that was also growing on her features.
It was finally that with a handful of clever hits and swats he whipped the wooden sword out of her hands. Her back was pressed against the deck's railing she was cornered and heaving. Sweat slid down her temple from the strain of fighting him. He presently had the wooden stick directly pointed at her throat.
It was almost night now. With the sun glowing an orange light and the clouds turning shades of pink, lavender and dark purple.
"I said, I wasn't going to fight, and there's no honor in winning a one sided battle." She appeared distraught as she looked down at the pointy end of his 'weapon'. He wanted to push her to the edge. He wanted to see that darkness he knew she was hiding beneath the layers of poise and properness that she carried herself with. He wanted to know who was that vicious person he found skulking around the Pohuai Stronghold. He had to know what she was hiding - all of her vile secrets.
"Ever since you arrived on my ship you have been nothing but a pest! You are irritating! You distract my Uncle and I can't stand you." He took a deep breath. "What do you want?" He demanded inching the stick dramatically. She remained silent, only looking at him with horrified eyes. "What do you want? Why are you really here?" He shouted his voice getting rougher and louder with each sentence He tossed the broom stick to the side and his hands pried themselves to her upper arms as he held her in place. "Why are you-"
This. It was just like that other night. She knew that Zuko had many inner and outer demons to fight, but would he actually hurt her? She wanted to slap herself for letting out a vulnerable whimper as his voice became more stern. He saw her eyes become large as they welled with tears. "Why are you-" His voice was softer now, almost a whisper. The strong grip on her arms became more gentle.
Zuko hated this part of himself. The instinctual one that reminded him of his father. The one that made his blood go and his temper fly in an uncontrollable rage which had been feed by years of mental and physical abuse. For a split second he saw himself in her eyes. And then it happened- He saw the shift in her poise as her eyes darkened with ill intent. Her hand jolted forward fisting the neckline of his armor just like she had done that fateful night of the Blue Spirit. She pulled him close, so close to her that she could see drops of honey being reflected in her eyes.
"Listen," she managed to utter in a menacing tone. He silenced her threat by kissing her.
Tsai felt as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on her. Her grip on his armor weakened, she attempted to inch back but was caught between the railing and his body. His kiss was soft, gentle, almost shy. She had not expected it to be like this. She wasn't expecting to feel a full body chill and a fire stir in the core of her stomach. It took her a full moment to react and with a hand flat against his chest she pushed him back, keeping him at arms length. Her eyes wide, her expression unreadable.
He turned away before she could speak. What had he done? What had she done?
"Zuko!" She reached for his arm and held it. "Wait!" She held him back. He pulled his arm back and glared at her. His eyes filled with hurt and rejection. For a moment she had forgotten all about the anger, about the fight, about their agni kai and honor. The wanted poster and her plan to run away.
"I'm....confused," she admitted.
His expression remained stoic, lips drawn into a thin line as he remained silent. "You always remind me how you want me off your ship. You repeatedly address me as a pest. I thought you hated me- and now you- you kiss me?"
"Why don't you make your rejection less painful and just tell me it's never going to happen?" He snapped.
He was presently beating himself up for what he had just done. Unsure of his uncontrollable emotions. He regretted it so much. There was no way that a girl like Tsai would ever be interested in somebody like him. Specially somebody as hideous and temperamental. A banished prince with an obvious facial deformity. A beast. It was impossible.
"It.. It's not that," she admitted shyly. Her face glowing with a tint of a red blush.
He could not believe it. He felt her hand reach for his and hold it. He marveled at how perfectly it fit against it. Her fingers tucked in between his. He held it tightly, proudly. Not knowing when he would miss the absence of her heat.
"I've seen good in you Zuko. I've seen compassion, I've seen empathy," she stepped closer. "I know there's goodness in you and it's not only because of your many redeemable qualities," she spoke tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She gave a step closer to him.
"But you are also troubled, you're obsessive, and very rude towards your loving uncle, towards me, and let's not forget my family, which is something I cannot forgive." She leaned in close and he flinched slightly when she gently placed her hand on his cheek, leaned in and kissed his scarred face lightly. He felt as if he had been brushed with a rose's petal.
"What you're saying is, you can't be with me until I've regained my honor." he gave a step back.
"No," she sighed feeling a growing frustration. This is exactly what she was talking about. It was always about honor and the Avatar and redemption with him.
"I can't be with you until you are a changed man," a light breeze blew by and she let go of his hand. He clenched it empty, being more than aware of the coldness of it. "You need to fight your inner demons and- that's only something you can do. I will only get in the way."
"Goodnight Prince Zuko," she whispered before leaving.
xxx
AN: D-D-Damnnnnnn Finally we are getting some fiyahhhhhh burning up in here! I just wanted to say that I do not support abusive relationships and let's be real Zuko is a total prick in Book 1. Also I wouldn't let Tsai be with him with (not with that attitude at least (and don't even get me started on that haircut (the ponytail? Really?))) all the growth and development he still has to go. This idea seemed a little unrealistic to me. Both still have a long way to go!
Thoughts? I'd love to hear what you think!
xxxx
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CHAPTER MASTERLIST
#prince zuko#zukoxreader#Zuko x oc#Zuko x you#zuko#oc#avatar#avatar the last airbender#avatar fanfic#avatar x oc#avatar fanfiction#fanfiction#fan fiction#katara#sokka#toph#aang#iroh
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how royal succession works in Almyra + Other Things about almyra thatâs been rattling in my head since that nintendo dream interview laid waste on my crops
hi, so after reading Mâs @ladamedepiqueâ drabble about a concubine war kid getting kmarted, i realized that what i actually want to write is the Everything iâve been thinking about since this nintendo dream interview came out back in march. so i did. itâs 2am and im hungry.
i realize that itâs been a while, so the summary of that interviewâs impact on my claude headcanons is âmy handcrafted claude backstory that i had to write myself bc intsys decided fuck claude is now irreversibly fucked by the introduction of a bunch of half-siblings he had to be rivals with.â if you ever catch yourself wondering why this is such a mess, well because thatâs exactly what this is! this is all subject to change, itâs same kind of âhaphazard and bizarrely long half-baked headcanon reportâ that my dlc thought train was. iâve changed my mind at least 20 times during this process i will change it again
iâd like to thank zotero for holding all of my journal articles and pdfs on the ottomans and their succession system, and also magnificent century og and kosem, while not being totally historically accurate, for being a fun soap opera to give me some visuals to work with in my head. i now have a positive understanding of what claudeâs shitty little beard could realistically look like, which is a gift that i never thought i would have.
Almyran Succession
All of the kingâs children, regardless of if they were born in or out of wedlock, is considered a legitimate prince or princess. This is pretty much the only title that they can expect to have, as they and their mothers cannot inherit any lands, titles or wealth that would have been passed to them from their own families. Almyran property law aims to avoid partitioning property between multiple heirs for the sake of maintaining the familyâs financial stability. The throne of Almyra works under the same principle, which had led to the introduction, legalization, and practice of open succession.
Open succession, despite its potential to be cruel, is viewed as a necessary step to ensure that the throne would only be held by strong leaders chosen by the people (âpeopleâ ending up being the higher-ranking officials that would benefit from a specific childâs ascension). If they proved to be lacking, they would simply be deposed of and replaced.Â
What determines who becomes the next ruler of Almyra is not whether a child is the oldest of all the children, but if they and their allies have the political acumen to not only claim kingship but keep it, fighting off their rival brothers and sisters.
All sons and unmarried daughters are eligible to rule Almyra. By law is not only the next rulerâs right but duty to remove other potential heirs to secure their right to rule and the stability of their reign. Generally upon a rulerâs ascension to the throne, their brothers will be killed and their sisters married off or killed if they threaten their siblingsâ rule. Exceptions have been made in the past, but they are few and far in between and have led to succession crises down the road.Â
The previous rulerâs choice for an heir is usually accepted after their death, and ideal for minimizing the interregnum period. Even so, it doesnât guarantee that the heir will be able to keep the throne.
Ok, but where do the kids come from?
Rulers of Almyra are allowed to have multiple spouses, but they usually only marry for political purposes.
The vast majority of children are mothered or fathered by concubines with no background of political power, which is preferred. Princes and princesses are allowed to have children once they leave the palace (to prove that they can have them), but if they have too many they may be considered a threat to the king and dealt with appropriately.
I think the one mother-one child rule would have been in place here, not necessarily as a law but as a rule enforced by other spouses and concubines, as well as the rulerâs mother or father.
Princes and princesses arenât dropping like flies, and murdering them without having the law on your side is considered treason of the highest order. Theyâre still aware of their competition and fear being murdered when one of their siblings takes the thrones, so few end up becoming friends.
Children are ultimately their motherâs or fatherâs responsibility. They are expected to guide them through their education and follow them to their provincial post when they are old enough, setting them up for success and paving their path to the throne. King and Queen Dowagers have been incredibly influential in Almyran history and support their children by representing them politically and managing their spouses and concubines.Â
Ok, whatever, just tell me whatâs relevant to Claude:
Ibrahim, Claudeâs father, became the king of Almyra only after 5 year civil war between himself and his two remaining brothers. He got to the throne first and is still feared for the ruthless execution of even his youngest brothers and sisters.
In all, Ibrahim has had 2 wives and 12 concubines, and he has fathered 10 sons and 6 daughters. A few died to childhood illnesses but most made it to at least 13 years old. Heâs a doting father and cares for their well-being, though only when he happens to see them. Though he was a constant presence in Claudeâs life, his half-siblings usually only saw him during holidays.
No one in Almyra knows that Tiana is the daughter of Duke Riegan, for all they know sheâs a FĂłdlaner that King Ibrahim brought back with him after a short border strife with the Leicester Alliance. Obviously she goes by another name in Almyra, and here is where I think Iâm going to bring back the first name I had for her, Desdemona. Suck it, intsys. She wasnât liked when she first came due to being from FĂłdlan, and was accused of witchcraft when Ibrahim married her and devoted himself to her at the expense of his other wives as concubines. As the herd of children and concubines thinned, Tianaâs strong personality and battle prowess garnered her respect among the top officials of the Almyran court and even her enemies.
In FĂłdlan Year 1175, rebels infiltrate the palace walls and kill over a dozen people, from palace servants to princes and princesses. In the moment it was believed to be part of a revolt that was ongoing in the capital at the time and carried out by rebels storming the palace walls and stealing and killing whatever came in their way. After an investigation, it was discovered that that was just a cover up for.... a noble Almyran house trying to make a power grab through either an older son or with their own heir? Iâve been working out the details on this for months and I still donât have them ironed out donât look at me. It ends with a couple of older half-sibs dying but more importantly Claudeâs older and younger brother dying and Claude nearly dying himself, only to survive with the Crest of Riegan. I imagine that there have been instances before hinted at him having the Crest of Riegan, but it was this incident that confirmed it for Tiana.Â
These are the notable royal family members, or the ones Iâve spent at least one second thinking of:
King Ibrahim II of Almyra: Claudeâs dad, born FĂłdlan year 1131 so 19 when he ascends the throne. He is feared but respected, brutal to his enemies, firm with his allies... but youâd be surprised by how easygoing he actually is with friends and family. Heâs young at heart and energetic, even laughing at jokes made at his expense, but only in very close company. He loves writing poetry, especially to Tiana, and he frequently sends her love letters so that one can be read out to her every morning and evening when her mail is given to her. Relishes the thrill of battle. Nader introduced him to kumis back when they were boys and to this day Ibrahim regularly drinks a glass each night, claiming it makes him stronger.
Thereâs a tradition in the royal family that all princes and princesses must learn a trade in case that they fall into misfortune. Ibrahim enjoys goldsmithing when he is alone, a good distraction from his thoughts. Claudeâs earring is part of a set given to his mother, crafted by his father as a gift.
Tiana von Riegan/Desdemona: Claudeâs mom, born FĂłdlan year 1135. Claude calls her a warrior goddess and a demon queen that would laugh at his expense, I imagine that sheâs in that âdead serious but good humored about itâ boat like Claudedad, but less sappy about it. A tough but loving mother, she was very involved in her childrenâs upbringing and did her best to secure their place in the royal family. She doesnât teach any of her kids the FĂłdlanguage because she was distancing herself from That, but Claude is able to convince her to help him learn (though she was reluctant about it and limited their lessons greatly, forcing him to teach himself mostly). She has firmly decided to never return to FĂłdlan, but a cup of Leicester Cortania is her guilty pleasure. These days Tiana spends her time at her husbandâs side in Maragheh, keeping up with her training.
Two older half-brothers: So Claudeâs endings have him as heir to the throne without a mention of rivals, but part of me feels like thatâs too simple for Claude considering he just up and walked out of there 7 years ago so here we are, two rivals. Theyâre probably early to mid 30s at this point and have one or two small children of their own. I donât know their names yet, but my initial ideas are a âniceâ brother cool calculated pushing up glasses kind of dude that is actually a huge dick and a chad dudebro whoâs just trying to distance himself from these bad vibes.
If I had to give them trades, nice brother likes to fish and sails for pleasure (he governs a coastal province) and chad brother carves wooden thumbrings.Â
Orhan:Â Claudeâs older brother, born FĂłdlan Year 1160. He was conceived months before Tiana went to Almyra (born 5 months after she arrived), so his parentage has been in doubt from day 1. I imagine him as having low self-esteem since he was believed to be a full-blooded FĂłdlaner, discriminated against in a similar way or worse than what the rest of his siblings went through. Historians would later debate whether or not he was actually Ibrahimâs son.... but weâre not historians, and Orhan was definitely his son. Died in the FY1175 uprising at the age of 15.
No idea what he looked like, he just happened to not look like his parents. His favorite food was salted cod, but he was rarely able to get it. Orhan enjoyed playing the violin.
Claude/Khalid: You know him, you love him, born FĂłdlan Year 1162 under another name. Heâs the only kid that ended up getting the Crest of Riegan, and after one too many accidents where that crest ended up proccing, heâs been accused of practicing witchcraft like his mother. I think this would be a better like, concrete thing for the Almyrans to fixate on rather than a general âyouâre half-FĂłdlan rahhhâ and I think it would definitely go with Claude talking about how he was constantly fighting and explaining himself to get out of trouble.
If Iâm going with the âkids can only inherit from the ruler of Almyraâ, then Iâm gonna have to figure out how Claude fits into this. His first move is to probably bullshit a loophole about how actually the Dukedom of Riegan doesnât exist anymore and I may have destroyed Failnaught after the final battle so technically I didnât really inherit anything that would give me an edge in Almyran politics. :). Ibrahim is pissed at Claude for going to FĂłdlan in the first place and getting caught up in a war and he definitely did not sign off on Nader bringing Almyran troops into a war that they have no business being involved in. The first thing Ibrahim does when Claude returns to Maragheh is shout at him and ground him to his apartment in the palace. And then proceed to assign Claude to a governmental post so that heâs out of his sight.
As an aside, I imagine that when Ibrahim dies and Claude rises to the throne, he deliberately delays his coronation so that it coincides with the Almyran New Year. It;s that kind of inconvenient dick move that he would delight in making bc symbolism.
You know what he looks like, in terms of food he strays away from sugary sweet stuff and towards meat and cheese. Iâd like to think that he gains a genuine interest in gardening (like, beyond just cultivating poisonous plants as a cover for âgardeningâ) during his time in FĂłdlan and brings back different seedlings and scions for grafting back to Almyra.Â
Mehmet and Rahimah: Twins, born FĂłdlan Year 1164. Ok so basically I kind of wanted a dead sibling that was around Cyril and Lysitheaâs age for the Drama of it (bc I thought of Claude looking at Cyril and thinking of his brother and immediately went âThat hurts. Letâs do itâ). But I ALSO thought what if Claude had a little sister, and then I ALSO thought what if Claude has a new full-blooded sibling that got conceived during the five year war, like the shittiest surprise. Iâve combined all those ideas into the twins.
First of all, they have more function than personality. Mehmet only exists to die during the uprising, but Iâm starting to like Rahimah bc like... she literally loses most of her brothers including her twin, and then Claude up and leaves her for FĂłdlan (a place she has little connection to, regardless of her mother). Her only remaining sibling is gone for years, misses seven birthdays, her wedding with an Almyran general, the birth of her first child and the announcement of her second... like, by the time Claude comes back to Almyra she hates his guts and you know what? Sheâs right! I imagine Rahimah angry, but also grasping for literally any kind of deep and long-lasting relationship at this point. She loves her kids fiercely, she loves her husband, and even though they have their struggles she's still very close to her mom. Fuck her no-show brother Khalid, and fuck FĂłdlan for taking him away from her.
No idea what Mehmet looks like, like I said he only exists to die. Rahimah is shorter than Claude at maybe 5âČ4, round-faced and carrying herself gracefully. Sheâs lactose intolerant but she bears the pain for the sake of eating ice cream, and her husband goes to great lengths to get the ice for her. Likes to sing and dance with her son Ămer.
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The whole basis of this episode can be:
Is there an ancient Egyptian/Freemason super-treasure hidden in America? I am using the movie's points to explore and see if any of it is factual, or if there is anything NOT in the film worth exploring.
Lol, when theyâre crossing the ocean with the treasure, heâs got an âall-seeing eyeâ medallion. Illuminati Confirmed? (Honestly, we could have an âIlluminati confirmedâ counter running through this one, just like a running joke of how many Lil Illuminati nods we can find).
They said, âthe templars believed the treasure was too great for one man,â... so instead of sharing it with the world, they hid it from everyone and smuggled it to America and then continued to hide it foreverâŠ??? They say the all-seeing eye is a symbol of the knight's templar⊠could it be a benevolent symbol, as the movie suggests? (We must be careful with that one, people will think weâre evil :P )
Probably something could be said about intentions - Boromirs intentions are evil in this one, the same as his past life in middle earth⊠Yet without his help, they might not have found charlotte? But he does things with violence, and that gets him in trouble soooo⊠He turns on his buddy! Yet that also facilitates the movie so.. hrm...
Could there be a hidden treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence? (This is referenced in Stargate show, Plausible Deniability - If they take something real but covered up and secret, and make a movie about it if people say âoh look its a conspiracy!â The government can then say, âum no, thatâs a movieâ even though they have secrets about the same thing. It just offloads the feelings of conspiracy for the masses).
What would have happened if Nicholas Cage said, âyeah, alright, letâs steal itâ in the boat? The very different movie could have been interesting! Could Riley and Nicholas Cage have survived that explosion for real? I donât think soâŠ
The Declaration of Independence is very difficult to read...
It says itâs only declaring independence for the 13 states (obviously which expanded) - but itâs funny that 13 is considered an unlucky number and is excluded from elevators worldwide. Does that mean America is naturally unfortunate or doesnât exist? If they hadnât messed with the declaration and caused it to go to the preservation room, and wouldnât have been able to steal it. So he could have protected it by, you know⊠leaving it alone!
Plus wtf was ians plan anyways? He didnât know itâd be in the preservation room?? This movie has a special place in my heart from childhood, but itâs very problematic. I think Riley is the best character in this thing.
LMFAO- Heâs at the Gala and looks into Dr. Chaseâs eyes and said âIâm about to steal the declaration of independence,â She looks at him like âyou dogâ and then does nothing. She should just have called security right then and there. At least saying âkeep an eye on himâ
LMFAO, the dad's logic is so dumb. âEvery clue will just lead you to another clue and another clue, and thatâs all youâll ever find.â - yetâŠ. Jesus! The charlotte WAS THE FIRST CLUE!!!! Lol, if there was no treasure, would they have put a map on the declaration's back? Come on, Angelina Jolieâs Dad., sheesh.
Yeah, there could be a good conversation about âIlluminatiâ as enlightened ones vs. Illuminati as in an evil way in controllers of the world.
This video was created by Team Spirit Connect with the team at https://spiritsciencecentral.com/about
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As we all now Ben hit his head February 21, 2020 as he surfaced in the River Thames after the Boat he was on sank. During #Eastenders 35th Anniversary Week. It all Started When #Ben Mitchell (Max Bowden) heeded his Manipulating Dad last December After #Phil Mitchell (Steve McFadden) found out his wife, #Sharon Mitchell (Letitia Dean), was having an Affair with a 19 Year old #Keanu Taylor (Danny Walters) after getting Pregnant.
Ben had #Martin Fowler (James Bye) kill Keanu for his dad. And rather than allow his Beau to get into trouble Ben brutally dumped him before the holidays. You could see the tears streaming down Benâs face as he walked away. Only thing was that #Linda Carter (Kellie Bright) accidentally walked in. Unable to kill the man Martin and Linda let him go and told him never to come back. After Sharon had both Phil and Ben arrested for questioning on Keanuâs Murder they decided to leave Walford and head to Portugal. Before Ben left Callum begged him to stay. And it worked Ben could not leave his daughter, Lexi Pearce (Isabella Brown) or the man he is crazy in love with #Callum Highway (Tony Clay). Benâs hearing worsened sending him on a collision coarse with being arrested for Grand Theft Auto. As Ben dealt with the shock of being 99% Deaf he lashes out at Callum.
Then an old Friend wanting revenge, #Danny Hardcastle (Paul Usher) has a proposition for Ben. But Callum, Knowing who Danny is intervened prompting Ben to Lash our. Get a little too close to an older gentleman in the pub then steals his car in last nightâs episode of Eastenders (March 30, 2020). Well tonightâs episode sees Sharon Lashing our at Phil telling him heâs responsible for Dennyâs death. Ben still reeling from Hearing Loss, loss of Denny and not being allowed to go to his funeral weighed heavily on Ben. But something WAS going on in Benâs mind as he acted out. Initially Ben resorted to his old trick of pushing those that love him away when heâs vulnerable. Including Callum. The others got Fed up with Ben. All except Callum.
After his Arrest. It must have dawned on Ben that NO MATTER WHAT he did! NO MATTER HOW he treated others including Callum! NOW MATTER WHAT Ben wanted there was one person that was JUST AS DETERMINED AND STUBBORN as he was. Callum! And Callum refused to budge. He Loved Ben more than anything and he was not going to let him walk into his life make him deal with being gay falling in love with the guy just to see him walk out by pushing him away. Callum woke up in the Morning to Ben not being in bed beside him. Callum panics but Ben is in the living room on the floor wrapping Callumâs Birthday gift. Ben tells Callum that his own father never asked how he was with the near complete loss of his hearing. âDad, never asked after I was fitted with my first hearing aid eitherâ. Ben had menengitis as an infant which made him partially deaf in his left ear. Callum told him how much Ben means to him and how special he is to Lexi, Lola, Jay, Sharon, Bobby, Ian, Peter, and Maybe Phil, although I have my doubts. Callum nearly caused Ben to cry. Then it happens HALLELUJAH!!!!!! Three words that Ballum fans have been waiting months to hear out of Benâs Mouth. He says I LOVE â€ïž YOU! To Callum. HOORAY!!!!!!!!! Callum responds by Saying I LOVE â€ïž YOU! To Ben in Sign Language. Ben goes over for a much needed Kiss.
As we all know that Ben Mitchell who was portrayed by Harry Reid 2014-2018. Max Bowden took over the Role in early 2019. Ben met #Paul Coker (Johnny Labby) sadly Eastenders decided to kill off Paul in a hate fueled Gay Bashing. Ben had just tol Paul that he loved him minutes before the attack began. I think that was one reason why Ben has had so much trouble with saying that to Callum.
On a different note. Last November in Wuhan, China a new Coronavirus reared itâs ugly head. Although Officially itâs December 2019. But the Chinese Government covered that up. The Coronavirus or Novice Coronavirus which is a Resperatory Illness more deadly than the Flu.
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) over 80,651 Cases Of Infection by Mar 7. The World Health Organization declared Coronavirus COVID-19 a Pandemic. As a result in tbe United Kingdom, as in the United States all Filming of Series, and Soaps weâre suspended. Eastenders suspended filming about 2 weeks ago. And reduced the number of Episodes from 4 per week to 2 per week. Tonightâs Episode was scheduled to air March 24. Eastenders, Like Hollyoaks, Casualty, Holby City, Coronation Street Emmerdale Australiaâs Home and Away, and Neighbors. USA Days of Our Lives and General Hospital film weeks in advance. Tonightâs episode was filmed six weeks ago. With that in mind dropping down to two episodes a week will keep the show on for as long as possible. However, if they do not resume filming before they run out it will take up to 6 weeks after Filming is resumed before a new episode will be ready to air.
#eastenders#covidăŒ19#sars cov 2#ben mitchell#max bowden#callum halfway#callum highway#ballum#ben and callum#sharon watts#phil mitchell#bobby beale#peter beale#ian beale#kathy beale#lexi pearce#lola pearce#jay brown#dennis mitchell#dennis rickman jr#bleu landau#social isolation#social distancing#shelter in place#san francisco#king county#pierce county#snohomish county#seattle#washington state
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@raptorsquadblue
Here yo update on the Vera
Weâll go back to when she had the baby, which was back in the in world equivalant of November. I had a chart to roll on for how sheâd act when she saw the baby, and when I rolled it was the awful âShe loves him, but is terrified sheâll ruin himâ so the poor baby, who still doesnât have a proper name, gets a bit neglected from mommy as she pulls into herself and tries to push him on everyone else. Havilah eventually gets some awful backstory when he tries to get her to hold the baby because it needs her and learns her dad threw her down a flight of stairs at one point and broke her arm. She doesnât deal well with early motherhood, even less so when Bip detect thoughts on the baby to read his baby thoughts and heâs wanting her heartbeat because thatâs the sound heâs heard his entire life.
Veraâs still struggling a month later when she gets a letter from home, from her father, disowning her. This is the first thing to really get her mind clear from how rageful she is. She lets Havilah read the letter (and he rips off the name portion, as does Amy to the prop Sam gave me) before going off to write a letter of her own back to him. She tells him that he canât disown her, basically, and that âI have the echoes of your adoring parenting etched into my bonesâ and âThere is no power on this earth, not arcane nor divine, that can change that Iâm your daughterâ. and at this point is all on the âokay letâs go back to langly and beat the shit out of my dadâ route.
However itâs heavy winter in the country theyâre in, and they get snowed in. No one is happy about this. Bip hibernates. Havliahâs like âaaaaaaâ Oz is like âwhy is the snow sticking aroundâ Vera is like âoh dear sweet redeemer NOâ and eventually talks her way into a werewolf run with her and bear to get out of the castle walls.
Once the weatherâs good the caravan packs up and finishes our last business in the country (killin vampires) before getting out of dodge. WE have some more usual adventures and Vera crams the new law book her husband sent her (not at all looking at the law named for her family that lays out in writing laws against child abuse. Her twin brother had always been braver than she is, after all). They have some adventures with hags and meet another adventuring party, and they roll up to the grand town of Dragonport which is the biggest city in the world.
We have like a two month tournement arc, with a sidequest of a group of investors wanna meet with us and have us talk to the queen for them. Theyâre trying to get a postal service started. Turns out, theyâre a group of Brass dragons that realized (unbeknownst to us) that they can get that sweet sweet goss from letters (that they magically re-seal after reading) AND people pay them to deliver. The party goes before high court and argues before the child queen and her advisors and the dragon post is started. Meanwhile the group fights in a tournement honoring the gods Mayana and Shepard. Havilahâs appendix ruptures and the enitre group is like a what is an appendex aaaah.
Jasna wins the tourney, and we also gain a new party member named Desert Glass, sheâs a half blue dragon (and the entire party was INSTANTLY horny on main when she came out. Magnoliaâs player is back and playing a different character.) and we head on ship to Langly. We have to make a pit stop in Spea, because despite paying insurance and having a contract, weâre attacked by Spea pirates. (Itâs like. A government job.) We go to Spea, meet Ozâs mom, go to Ozâs college and yell at his headmaster, and we get on a boat and go to Langly. Veraâs baby Mishka says his first word, which is fuck. Vera: Oh right these learn to talk.
On the way to Langly weâre again attacked, this time by a plesiosaur from Dinosaur island thatâs being followed by Sahaugin. There was a notable moment where Vera called over and asked these Sahaguin if they worked for Spea (because a lot do, in tandem with the pirates) and they were like FUCK SPEA GIVE US THE (thing that was riding on the plesiosaur). I beleive I narrowed my eyes and Taylor started snorting, because Vera does not like to be told what to do.
Oz turne his familiar Veli into an 11 headed hydra and sent her down to murder sahaguain. This was terrifying and amazing and it deserves itâs own damn paragraph.
A day before we land in Langly, Bip bips off to mainland and finds Veraâs husband and is basically like âhey getinto this bag of holding Iâll take you to your wifeâ and Veraâs beautiufl idiot husband is like âoh okayâ and climbs in and wakes Vera up the next morning.Â
When they land Mishti takes them around on tour, but eventually the baby (Mishka, as Veraâs been calling him. Her little teddy bear) starts fussing and Vera puts him into Bearâs saddle bag because baby is comofted by bear. Of course, Bear has never been to this city before and gets lost. With the baby. So they have to start tracking the baby down and go to the watch headquarters- which is in Veraâs house that she grew up in. (Grandmama, who controls all the deeds in the family, evicted Veraâs father and gave the building to the watch) So Veraâs gotta go up the stairs and greet Allahandra, a paladin in her order and the former queen, and get her dam baby back. THe baby swears at Allahandra delightedly. Vera is beyond mortified.
The next day Vera gets a summons from Grandmama asking her and her friends over for tea. Veraâs like âhey guys, hereâs a rule: have fun where you can because no one has fun with Grandmama.â Beofre they leave Oz stops MIshti and asks him if thereâs any new developments that the family could use against Vera. Msithi admits a big one: Veraâs brother was also disowned. However, heâs ran away to join the Von Rothrine family. Yâknow. The vampires weâve been fighting in MOntesylvania. Vera reacts appropriately bad.
 When they go in to Vera Medvedeva the firstâs tea room she has cakes and treats set out for everyone. Theyâre customized. Treats from veraâs favorate bakery, she makes travelerâs coffee when she sits down for Havilah, thereâs citrus cakes from Spea for Oz, Mamoul and date candies for Desert Glass, sugary treats for Bip. Grandmama comes in and throws her weight around when she can, drops that Desert Glass is apparently a princess from the country of Dasadan, but she seems mostly interested in creeping out Havliah and Oz and also telling everyone about Veraâs past. Poor Girl. She wasnât allowed to have friends, you know. Her father insisted. And did you know she couldnât read until she was eight? I had to step in and get her a tutor. Vera SMASHES a sense motive and is like âWeâre not killing dad for you, Grandmamaâ. Grandmama, for her part, seems amused by everyone.
They head out, Vera getting the butler to call her father down to talk to her. Heâs still big like she remembers, and he tries to blame her for her brother being taken by vampires. (SHe brought this on the family. IF she hadnât used their name it never wouldâve come. they had to offer him up like a lamb to slaughter) and vera has a good moment where sheâs basically like: stop blaming me for all of your problems, youâre a grown ass man and I know if you had a chance to grab any power youâd let them drain you dry.
Itâs good she has that one moment, because thatâs the last one she has for a while.
She gets the party together and is basically like: I wanna get my dad legally. I want to catch him breaking the law, I want him tried, and for once I want the lawt o work for me. So Bip and Oz start a mini crime gang (Because vera also is like âI have otaths i cannot crime) and Bip sets the house attached to Grandmamaâs on fire because heâd followed Sieger in there through a hidden passage. Meanwhile, having a perfect alabi across town is Vera drinking in the watchâs favored bar. OUr entire party had a perfect alabai.
Vera gets a few more mental blows to go with the âmy twin brother is going to be a vampire and when I scried on him he looked happy for the first time in yearsâ one sheâs got going in the form of actually going to church and thinking the new pope hates her as well as a second tea with Grandmama. Meanwhile, Bip steals letters from the post box to find out Siegerâs been in contact with Anton Bellek, a vampire from Durmond that tried to get the party to work with him. Also: The first person Vera introduced herself to as Vera Medvedeva, because she didnât want to use her marrie dname. Her father hadnât been lying: she did bring the vampires to his door. Though, heâs been working with them. And he plans on leaving the city soon.
So the group takes this all to Vera, who takes the âyou did in fact lead the undead to your familyâs door and now your brother is going to be a shell of who he used to beâ B A D. She makes a decision that she refuses to let him leave the city and get out into the world. Sheâll feel responsible for everything else she does. If she falls, she falls.
The party: but you said specifically you didnât wanan do that though.
So Vera leaves to go find her mentor, whoâs over the moon because the pope, after meeting with Vera, approved him getting funding for his pet project inspired by Vera, which is a research division to help questing paladins. Veraâs like âIâll unpack ths laterâ and drags him into a room to ask him if heâs ever fallen. He had, twice. He tells her about both and she asks the question: Was it worth it. Hesitantly, he says it was, and all but begs her to be careful. She promises him everything will be okay.
Meanwhile, the party comes up with the only plan they can: The easiest thing they can get him to jail for is assault. Desert GLass had asked Vera if sheâd be fine being bait earlier and sheâd said yes, so the plan is to send Vera to talk to him and get him to punch her. They break apart like âgo teamâ and go to find Vera and Havilah, whoâd pulled her into a talk where vera is like âI am totally cool with murderâ and heâs like âplease let us help you not fallâ.
SO back over to the family house and Veraâs like HEY HEAD BUTLER LETâS GO TALK TO MY DAD and gets let into his room where she basically acts like she owns the place. They argue, Vera being a vicious as she can, and eventually he grabs her by the arm and pulls her to her feet and throws her a bit, and when she refuses to retaliate he lunges. Before Havilah can get into the door he manages to do like 20 points of damage to her, all his unarmed strikes do a good ammount (and he beat all of her grapple checks, and one of hers was a 28. Curious) Havliah knocks him into unconciousness with one head crack into the floor (also curious) and they call the guard.
Oz points out something to desert glass because he feels terrible: their grand plan was sending an abused woman back alone to incite the man who abused her. This marks the point where vera stops sleeping, btw.
Bip has a horrifying encounter with sieger when he goes to fuck with him in jail where Siger snatches him out of the air twice and pulls him against the cold iron bars purpousley to hurt him.
Allahandra comes by the next day and poses the idea of Vera going to get her older brother Genya to testify and Verâs like âyeah I should do thatâ and the party goes up there. Vera is very, very not interested in talking to Genya and doesnât look to him, and the party notes both of their very defensive posture. Vera stays behind in the wagon while the rest of the party goes intside, but with some force from the party Genya goes out to give Vera dinner and to offer her to come inside.
Vera finally lets loose on him, which is basically like âI lost Volya, Genny. I lost my brotherâ. And Genya asks her if she thinks the law will actually kill their dad, and she laughs and tells him that if it doesnât she will. She comes int he house when he offers again, though her postiure is very defensive and she doesnât really interact. She also doesnât sleep that night.
The party heads back to Langly and as soon as they get back to the caravan, everyone but Vera (who at this point has a -6 to all her rolls from being exhausted) hear the news: Veraâs Grandmama was found dead that morning. Oz and havilah take her to her husband for him to break the news. Anya tells Genya, whoâs basically like âgood riddance, if they iill dad too thisâll be a great weekâ.
Vera does not take the news well. She walks off to the first room with a lock she can find and breaks down sobbing. Grandmamaâs a terrible person, sheâs a legitimate monster, but Vera still loved her.
Through some magical intervention sheâs forced to sleep that night and wakes up and goes to church grumbinglyly, getting her prayers out ofr the first time in like three or four days so sheâll actually have magic and her bear. This is also the point where her 12th level that she put into Dragon Rider pops in, because she gets her dragon. Heâs red. Heâs pretty much instantly attacked by mercinaries. His name means Smart Ash. Vera loves him already.
More stuff happened, and Veraâs still in a horrible god awful mood, and as sheâs gonnat ell the dragon sheâs still 50-50 on if she just burns the rest of the Medvedevs down at the funeral because the only ones she cared about are daed. But weâll see!
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An incomplete list of my 47 (i had to bump it up by 1 laksdjflas) favorite moments from dnd campaigns Iâve been fortunate enough to play in
(If youâd like elaboration on any point listed, direct further inquiry here)
First game:
Wait we can look around corners?
Owlbears
Jen playing a paladin
Stealing from a party member
First campaign:
The Boat Initiative*
The âCaustâ reveal
Shaking hands with a god (on accident!!!)
Lil Tony
Whereâs My Fucking Dog
The Rigsby Raiders
The first time I ever took notes just so happening to be the moment of a huge reveal for my character
Dying (twice)
Two Birds, One Stoner
Codebreakers
The Wish Incident
Prometheus is Real and heâs running a Dennyâs in the Feywild so clearly now we all gotta go to Dennyâs after the session
The culmination of the Eris arc, from finding Heh to the final reunion*
The Grimm Incident (aka why we had to manually create the first real tiefling we saw in this campaign)
Finally getting a characterâs backstory after three years of game play
Taking a paladin level and the Consequences Of That Action (oops)
Getting the final hit on Cato AND on Delphina (the catharsis of that shit was unreal)
Snow in Giza!!! FUCK!!!*
MR HADES IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER CAN I CALL YOU DAD
DJ taking JJâs body on a joyride
Paxxxâs relationship with secrets
Oh the prophecies and the nightmare!!!
Oh fuck also the Sickening Radiance Incident how did I forget Horkos
There are 47 different types of sharks in the Mediterranean, 15 of which are dangerous to humans, 3 of which are the most dangerous sharks to humans. So therefore one of them must breathe fire.
Lakewood/The Fosters
The Cassius Holland Incident, or why I donât believe in playing fourth level
The Markov And Thost Armored Train Incident (doesnât defend against gas tho)
The Sharp Dressed Man Incident (Part I)
The Elle/Lizzie Fight (less cathartic but still kicked ass)
The False Hydra Incident
The Meth Knife Incident
Frisbee Gone Wrong
The Astral Plane Adventure (a session that lasted like seven or eight hours, and that I spent the next two days detailing in bullet notes so that I wouldnât forget a detail because it was such a fucking good story I didnât want to ever not remember a single bit of it)
Shaking hands with a god (âŠâŠ..on purposeâŠ.)
The Popcorn Fight*
Ambiscade
The Government Doesnât Let Our Warlock Have Eggs
Slightly damaged horse mug*
âBorisâs" âassâ (physically? Â not the same ass. Â emotionally? Â itâs the same ass)
Our warforged fighter works at a fantasy version of the local diner for his lesbian adoptive mothers and makes kickass eggs
Everything that could possibly be done to make Mary Byramâs life miserable
âDo tieflings have rights where youâre from?â âwhat are rights?â âlike the right to vote and stuffâ âwhatâs votingâ ââŠâŠ.ok uh-â
Out of Time
Finley and his Cult Inclinations
âLibraryâs hauntedâ âwhat?â â[pumping shotgun] libraryâs hauntedâ
Finley thinking that the guy who works at the town hall is the NPC he has to report back to in order to complete his Quests
( * = a story iâve told before on this blog)
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#I'm so fucking blessed#this is the list I wrote out in trying to pick a top 5 alkdsfjadslk#i love dnd and i love my parties they're so fucking insanely cool and talented
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Assassinâs Greed: The Story of Charles Guiteau
My favorite historical figure has got to be presidential assassin Charles Guiteau, a person youâve likely never heard of. You probably know John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald, but Guiteau (pronounced get-oh) is not a household name. Where Booth and Oswald shot famous presidents, Guiteau shot James Garfield, who had served for only four months at the time and is best known for having been assassinated. Guiteau was cartoonishly twisted, with delusions of grandeur and a Type A god complex. He believed himself to be faultless, guiltless, a renaissance man, a master political advisor, and perhaps even the Third Coming of Christ (yes, third; youâll see what I mean below). His life story sounds like something scripted to be as pathetic and conceited as possible, and it would be funny were it not so tragic.
So come with me on an adventure back to the gay old days of the 19th century, so we can delve into the mind of Americaâs least favorite assassin. Strap in, cause this is a long one.
Charles Julius Guiteau was born in 1841 to a family of French descent (you may have been able tell because heâs an -eau). Despite this, it is important to remember that he never learned to speak a word of French. Keep that in mind. He flunked out of school because he never felt the need to study for any exams. He was convinced he already had perfect knowledge on any given subject, âwhy fix what ainât broken?â
In 1860, he joined a cult because his dad was friends with the leader. (Side note: this cult would later dissolve when a tornado destroyed their headquarters, transforming into a company that made spoons. This has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was funny). This cult coined the phrase âfree love,â which at the time just meant everyone was allowed, nay, encouraged, to bone everyone else; older women were ordered to act as âsexual mentorsâ for adolescent boys because they were the least likely to conceive. It was messed up. The cult also thought that Jesus had already come a second time, in 70 AD, so they had free reign on Earth to do whatever they wanted with no consequences. The end of days had come and gone, so it was smooth sailing from here on out.
Guiteau idolized the cult leader, believing him to be the perfect man in every way. The cult leader however believed Guiteau was unstable and unfit for the community. Do you know how messed up you have to be to get kicked out of a cult? People were so put off by his behavior that they gave him the nickname âCharles Get-Out,â and when he sued the leader for mistreatment his dad wrote a long apology letter saying âIâm sorry my sonâs a weirdo, please donât think less of me for it.â
He became a lawyer by sheer blind luck, barely passing his bar exam because he just so happened to work as a clerk at the Chicago law firm in question. He lost the one and only case he argued in court, and spent the rest of his career as a corrupt bill collector. He short-changed all of his clients, overcharging and under-refunding, pocketing the difference before skipping town to avoid the police. He did this often, hopping from town to town and leaving right before they could run him out on a rail.
In 1872 he endorsed Horace Greeley for president against incumbent Ulysses S. Grant; both men were Republicans, but Greeley caucused with the southern Democrats and became their nominee. He lost in a landslide, and died less than a month after the election, but again, thatâs not important to the story. What is important is that Guiteau was convinced that had Greeley become president, he would have rewarded Guiteauâs endorsement with a federal appointment. Guiteau was just some schmuck, a nobody, but he believed that his approval was somehow the most important thing a candidate could receive, and that they would be undyingly grateful for it.
Guiteau believed that he was ordained by God to spread His word, and so concluded that his own word was therefore the word of God. He tried to start his own cult, plagiarizing the text from the cult leader he idolized, but it never got off the ground. In 1877 he was on a boat that collided with another; theirs sunk, but his made it back to port, so he was further convinced that his life had been spared for a higher purpose. If Christ had come again in 70 AD, Guiteau believed he had returned for the Third time this very day. At this point, his dad thought he was possessed by the devil.
You could say they didnât exactly see eye to eye.
1880 comes along, heâs been embezzling and stealing even more money from even more cities, avoiding consequences all the while, and decides to once again throw his hat in the ring of politics. He endorses Grant for a third nonconsecutive term, despite having âcampaignedâ against him in 1872. Guitaeu changed his mind with Orwellian confidence, âoh, I always supported Grant, Greeley was destined to lose, I knew it and actually did my best to make sure his campaign floundered, I was always looking out for my main man Ulysses!â
Guiteau handed out leaflets and gave a speech endorsing Grant to basically no one; he may as well have just stood on a street corner shouting his opinion at passersby. Grant lost the nomination to one Congressman James Garfield, so Guiteau took the leaflets, crossed out Grantâs name, wrote in Garfieldâs, and continued passing them out. The rest of the text remained the same though, so it made no sense, praising Garfield for leading the Union Army to victory during the Civil War, and saying he deserved a third term despite this being his first time running. Garfield won the presidency, and Guiteau was absolutely convinced that it was because of his leaflets.  âWhat else could it have been?â
March 1881: Being wholly responsible for Garfieldâs election, he starts writing him fan letters singing his own praise.  âAs you already know, I got you elected (youâre welcome, by the way). I did this out of the kindness of my heart, and all I ask in return, all I feel I deserve, is an ambassadorship. France will do nicely, Iâve always wanted to live in Paris!â As you remember, he canât speak a word of French, âbut I can learn on the job! Iâm the best at learning things, but Iâm sure you already know that about me. I look forward to our partnership. Your biggest fan, Charles.â
No word from the president, but Guiteau doesnât worry. He just writes more letters.  âDidnât hear back from you, donât know if you read my first letter, but just in case you didnât, Iâll recap; you won because of me, Iâm ready for my federal job whenever you are. Thanks and youâre welcome. Your smartest and most qualified fan, Charles.â
Still nothing. He moved to Washington, DC and became a homeless vagrant. He went from house to house, spending a night, eating the food, then leaving before rent was due; classic Guiteau! The White House kept ignoring his letters, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and personally confront the Secretary of State.  âIâm sure youâve read my correspondences, you know my qualifications, I am ready to go to Paris, just say the word.â
âOh my God, weâre not giving you a federal job, stop writing us letters, leave the president alone, youâre a total nutjob.â
Guiteau was heartbroken. He couldnât understand how Garfield could be such an ingrate!  âI gave everything for that man, I sacrificed so much, and this is how he thanks me? I campaigned for him, I gave speeches, I handed out, like, so many leaflets!â He felt ignored, he felt BETRAYED.  âHow dare he? How DARE he?!? He owes me! Heâs got to be the least considerate person on the planet! I put him office, I-â At this, he had a horrible realization.  âOh my God, I put him in office... Heâs only there because of me... Itâs all my fault! I gave this bastard the key to the White House... I gave him the nuclear codes!â [Guiteau was again misinformed, because nuclear weapons wouldnât be invented for another 64 years] âIâve created a monster! I put him there, and only I can take him out! I need to assassinate President Garfield.â
And so the pieces begin to fall into place.
He borrows money from his brother-in-law to buy a gun at a pawn shop. He believed God was telling him to kill the president; either that or he was telling God that the president needed to die and was just giving Him a heads up. At the pawnshop he specifically chose an expensive revolver with an ivory handle because he thought it would look better in the display case of the museum they would eventually build for him. He even managed to haggle down the price one whole dollar (about $26 today, so good on him, master deal maker).
July 2, 1881. President Garfield arrived at a train station in DC, and Guiteau is there waiting for him. He had no body guard because this was the 1880s, and nobody thought someone would be crazy enough to shoot the president in peacetime. The only government employee present with Garfield was the Secretary of War, a young man by the name of Robert Todd Lincoln. Yes, that Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham, the first and so far only president to be assassinated. And he got to witness the second, firsthand.
Guiteau shot Garfield twice, but only wounded him; he fell to the ground, bleeding but very much alive. Despite this, Guiteau was confident the job was done. âDonât worry everyone, you donât need to panic, the tyrant is dead, you can thank me later.â The police ran at him, âofficers, please, take the former presidentâs body away, itâs bleeding all over the train station. Heâs as much a nuisance dead as he was alive, am I right? Wait, why do you have those batons?â The tackled him to the ground, as police are wont to do to people who shoot the president.  âOkay, o-ho-ho-kay, I get it, you guys need to put on a show for the crowds. I understand, I shouldnât have used a gun in public, I shouldâve waited until I could had him alone, I get it, you donât need to be so rough with me. Listen, just talk to President Arthur, heâll have my back, I just put him in office, heâll vouch for me, itâs cool.â
Garfield lived for two more months, wasting away in agony from infection because his doctors didnât even think about washing their hands. They would poke around his bullet holes with their fingers to fish out fragments, poking organs, tearing muscle, just making it much worse than it needed to be. Garfield may have survived if they had just left him alone; years later, Teddy Roosevelt would be similarly shot, and survived with the bullet in his chest for seven years. Garfield died on September 19, 1881, at which point Guiteau was officially charged with murder.
Being a lawyer, he wanted to represent himself in court, but he was appointed a public defender instead. The defender quit after a week because Guiteau was impossible to work with, so his brother-in-law came on as his new lawyer; he wasnât a criminal defense lawyer, just another bill collector like Guiteau, he was literally the only person willing to help him out for free. Guiteau claimed he was not guilty by reason of insanity, that God had possessed him, simply using his body as an avatar and smite Garfield. âIt was divine intervention, nothing could be done to stop it, it was out of my hands.â
He made a mockery of the trial, cursing at everyone from the judge to the jury to his own lawyer to the crowd. He ignored his lawyer and started asking courtroom spectators for their advice, he wrote his testimony in the form of poems and delivered them to the captive audience. He reveled in being the center of attention, ignoring the fact that literally everyone hated him for killing the president. He expected a swift acquittal, and started planning his own campaign for president for 1884, âPresident Arthur owes me for putting him in office, so Iâm sure heâll step aside and let me run in his place, itâs the least he could do. Maybe Iâll choose him as my running mate, I havenât decided yet.â
January 1882, he was found guilty and sentenced to death, to which he responded by calling the jury a bunch of âconsummate jackassesâ (and yes, thatâs the real, actual quote, no joke). He was dragged out of the court, screaming obscenities at everyone within earshot. He wasnât worried though, because he was convinced Arthur would pardon him.
In jail, he composed more poems singing his praise, âDing dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Garfield witch! Ding dong, the Garfield witch is dead!â Arthur didnât pardon him, so he called him an even worse ingrate than Garfield; Guiteau tried to appeal his case so he could shoot Arthur too, but it was rejected for obvious reasons.
June 30, 1882, he is led to the gallows to be hanged. For his last words, he delivered yet another poem, this time an epic ballad about how he was now leaving this mortal coil to return to the kingdom of Heaven. Entitled âI am going to the Lordy,â it had a second or third grade reading level, with lines like âI wonder what Iâll do when I get to the Lordy?â and âI saved the party, glory Hallelujah.â He wanted to have a full orchestra come and give the piece musical accompaniment, but the jail told him no, again for obvious reasons. He didnât even write music for it, he just thought it was so inspiring that the orchestra would know exactly what he intended and improvise something great.
He read the poem out loud to the crowd gathered to see him die, and was so overcome by how good it was that he broke down crying multiple times, âIâm such a genius!â He may or may not have done a little jig to go along with it, as you do when delivering the worldâs greatest poem about the worldâs greatest man.
Black hood, noose, trapdoor, neck snap, dead.
The jail refused to turn over his body to his family because they were too poor for a proper burial service (he had wasted all of their money on his defense). An autopsy showed that he was unable to retract his foreskin, so doctors theorized that was what drove him crazy enough to kill the president. Gotta love 19th century psychology; Freud has been largely discredited in 2019, but in 1882 he wasnât even credited yet, he was just some random doctor, not famous for anything.
The warden sold pieces of Guiteauâs noose as souvenirs, and eventually disinterred the corpse to donate to a museum so people could pay money to see the man who shot the president. They cut out his brain to figure out what was wrong with him; one of its membranes was thicker than normal, possibly syphilitic, and modern medical professionals debate over which topical mental illness he likely had (some say schizophrenia, most agree that Narcissistic Personality Disorder had a huge part to play). They also spit-polished his skeleton and turned it into a dummy to hang up in the corner of a science class, but for some reason they hid it away in a storage room rather than giving it to a university as intended.
And so ends the story of Charles Julius Guiteau. He was a man without reason, without honor, without a lick of common sense or self-awareness. I feel bad for him because despite how horrible a person he was, he was clearly sick and needed help at a time when no such help existed. His life story is comical and tragic. Heâll never be as well known as John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald, and thatâs probably for the best. A fitting end for a narcissist, to be mostly forgotten by history.
His gun isnât even in a museum, the police eventually misplaced it. And Iâm sure THAT is what heâd be most mad about today.
#my stuff#really long post#story time#assassin#assassination#Garfield assassination#James Garfield#POTUS#President#Charles Guiteau#Guiteau#Garfield#1881#John Wilkes Booth#Abraham Lincoln#Lincoln Assassination#Lee Harvey Oswald#John F Kennedy#Kennedy Assassination#history#true story#well mostly true#I took a few comedic liberties#stranger than fiction#Assassins#President of the United States#sounds fake but okay#that doesn't sound right#but I don't know enough about the Garfield assassination to dispute it
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long dreams that I'm alreadylosig bc i got woke up early by dad noisy on the phone.
1. bennett genshin impact dying on a big raft in the jungle 2. sneaking out of the ?mafia? 3. the cops decide to kill all assassins unfortunately i am an assassin
1. something to do with genshin impact characters crossed with real people I knew? we were on a raft boat thing out in the middle of the jungle trying to navigate. if you died you would respawn but your body would remain
something was wrong with Bennett so we killed him but he was back but his body was still floating mutilated in the river water. I was an outsider they rescued & the other adults were trying to lie to razor & klee & keep them from looking at the body in the water. my ex was also there & my dream put him in a romantic light. didn't like that.
2. trying to exfiltrate this man's group of people - I had one accomplice & one dude I was catching feelings for. we worked on his cars. the other 4 guys were actively against me & I was trying to drive again without having access to the gas & brake pedals. we all wore gray.
3. half related - me & my assassin comrades were being hunted by a somewhat incompetent lady who looked kind of like the main girl from the spy that dumped me or whatever that was called. mia smth? idk. anyway we were also not super competetent there were 2 groups: me & my homie & then these other two people. we were trapped on a cheap motel roof with electrified fence but we were able to sneak past the lady. the other 2 dudes ended up digging a pit to hide in rather than escape immediately. I think I ended up stealing a cop car & swallowing a knife & teleporting to the assassin hq church which was also invaded by people after us. fortunately the HQ had no small amount of secret passages. the government was against us & they killed someone on camera & blamed it on my buddy who was hiding in the sand pit. cut to Keanu reeves? or someone similar who had a black sword sticky with blood he sat in the church in the dark everyday praying for forgiveness & he was the most important. we had to protect him. he could also protect himself but he wasn't paying attention to his environment. I was watching the government fake death press conference from inside of the reflection of a sword on a wall & chaos broke out. inexperienced journalists were taking the swords off the walls & trying to defend themselves. I saw a girl I knew from having to work with her on a project my senior year of college & I pulled her into the reflection with me & we caught our breath. I told her that I was gonna keep an eye on the Keanu Reeves lookalike from the reflections in the sword in the church but she was free to go but she decided to help me.
i got a good sized group to keep an eye on him & then people came in to get him & they made him put the sword down, so he so regretfully stood up as if he was apologetic for not praying over the bloody black sword for so long & then eviscerated those guys. we pulled him into the reflection when the last guy called for reinforcements before dying
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The completely unnecessary news analysis
by Christopher Smart
GOP BREAKTHROUGH: EARTH NOT FLAT AFTER ALL
What? Utah Congressman John Curtis has just said Republicans really do care about climate change. Subversive and traitorous talk like that could get him hanged in West Virginia or Wyoming because Real President Trump said it's all a big a hoax. So what's up with Curtis, who just launched the Conservative Climate Caucus. âRepublicans do care about this Earth... We, too, want to leave this Earth better than we found it,â he said. But there is, of course, a catch: Caucus members will press for private-sector solutions and labeled as sacrilege cutting back on fossil fuels. Why kill the economy just to save the planet? The caucus already has round-filed President Biden's goal to cut emission levels in half by 2030, because it's just un-American. Republicans, Curtis said, âwill show the need to depart from the shaming-culture found in todayâs climate dialogue... â Yeah, no more coal-shaming and no more tie-die Earth Day B.S. Still, it is PROGRESS because until now any Republican uttering the words, âclimate change,â would have their image photo-shopped onto Nancy Pelosi Christmas cards and mailed to constituents with the caption, âClimate change is real and Earth is not flat.â God rest their souls.
SUPREME COURT: F-YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON
It's official, kids can now tell their teachers and principals to F-off on Snapchat. (We are not making this up.) The case in question involves a 14-year-old girl who posted this after failing to make the varsity cheerleading squad: âF â school. F â softball. Fâ cheer(leading). Fâ everything.â Bad went to worse when school officials yanked her off the JV cheerleading squad as punishment. But wait, what about free speech? Her parents filed suit in federal court, arguing that school officials can't impede free speech outside school. The Supreme Court agreed, citing the First Amendment. So the staff here at Smart Bomb decided to consult our F-bomb experts, Wilson and the band. Nobody told them the First Amendment protected the F-word back in the dinosaur days when they were in high school. When Wilson dropped the F-bomb, he was punished with endless hours in study detention making paper airplanes, because back in the day it was not in common usage â only hardened criminals and cowboys in bars fired off the F-bomb. Times have changed and now 14-year-olds throw it around like jellyrolls. Soon, F-you will lose all of its obscene sting and phrases like: âF-you and the horse you rode in on,â will be like, âGee good to see you and your nice pony.â
JAN. 6 â FORGET WHITE SUPREMACISTS, IT WAS THE FBI
Ah hah, the truth comes out. The Jan. 6 insurrection was planned, orchestrated and carried out by the FBI. We know this because Tucker Carlson got the legal papers that say exactly that. The charging documents for some 500 rioters refer to âun-indicted co-conspiratorsâ and everyone knows that is government speak for Federal Bureau of Investigations. Now, about Antifa and Black Lives Matter â of course they were involved, it's just that only white people show up in the videos because those black rascals were in disguise. Next, them people are coming to take away your house, Rudy Giuliani said on Laura Ingraham's Fox News show. And now New York has suspended Rudy's law license because, they say, and we quote: âHe lied his ass off about Trump winning the election.â Anybody can see what is happening here â the Deep State is taking over the government and stealing our freedom to lie our ass off. And that's not all, as Ingraham explained it: the military is trying to root out conservative Evangelicals in its ranks. This is nothing short of a grand scheme called âcritical race theoryâ to get rid of all caucasians. White People Matter and they're tired of being trampled on by minorities â it's not fair. White people want their freedom back.
Post script â Well, pickleball fans, that about does it for another rousing week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of overgrown frat boy Tucker Carlson's drivel so you don't have to. (e.g. Gen. Mark Milley, is a stupid pig.) Carlson has perhaps the most watched âcable newsâ show among the 25-54 age group, drawing well over 3 million viewers. Breaking News: The Manhattan D.A. may charge the Trump Organization with fraud felonies that could shut down the whole fraudulent enchilada. Funny thing, Carlson hasn't mentioned it. Fortunately, The Donald still has his day job as Real President in Exile, which does provide a tidy income as long as all the âTrump Wonâ crazies keep donating. Meantime Jared and Ivanka are on a slow boat to China or hiding in Monaco â totally under the radar. Even they think that daddy is bonkers and don't want to catch that virus. Hey, wasn't your dad the guy who kept saying he was president? Too late to put that genie back in the bottle. Yep, he's going down in history as the Walter Mitty of Mar-A-Lago. Still, who knows, if Republican legislatures across the land can screw with voting restrictions enough, maybe he could steal Bill Clinton's moniker as The Comeback Kid.
Don't worry Wilson, that probably won't happen. Anyway, we've got other pressing things to worry about, like hot hot heat. Do you and the guys in the band have a chilling number for that:
Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty Been down, isn't it a pity? Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city All around, people looking half dead Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head But at night it's a different world Go out and find a girl Come on, come on and dance all night Despite the heat it'll be all right And babe, don't you know it's a pity That the days can't be like the nights In the summer, in the city In the summer, in the city (Summer In The City â Lovin' Spoonful)
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yoooo do you wanna tell me about the fantasy story?? i love fantasy stories, one of my favorite genres
ahhhhh yes i do !!
i dont know if you wanted me to talk more abt the plot but basically this takes place on a small continent where most people have telekinesis-like abilites (but the government sucks and they banned these abilites to keep the power in their own families)
they are also v religious, so the main character decides to follow an old legend about a means of communication the gods left behind to prove that the current rulers are not doing their job (which is to uphold the values of the gods) by going straight to the source
okay dhfbieuwgf now for the characters
first we have valora
- the main character
- realized the government was fucked and decided to do smth abt it
- by 'do smth abt it' i mean steal her parents' boat and follow a questionable legend
- she's very determined, but that sometimes results in impulsive behavior
- a history nerd, which she gets from her cool uncle (who is basically the dad of their group bc most of them have family problems)
- the most powerful of the group
- fights w a dagger
- a useless lesbian
- in love with her best friend but she doesn't know it
- sucks at emotions
- very bad at making friends but people kinda flock to her bc they think she's cool anyway (she is not)
- socially awkward + very sarcastic so she comes off as a little cold and closed-off
- one of those people with a strong moral code that doesn't always align with the law
then there's larinn
- val's best friend
- doesn't have any powers but she's great at using a sword
- literal sunshine everybody loves her
- saw her bsf about to do some crazy shit and decided to join
- mostly optimistic but also has to be the voice of reason when val is impulsive
- has a shitty family, so she spent most of her life at val's house w her family (which is why they're so close)
- femme lesbian
- is in love with her bsf and does know it
- also realizes val is shit at emotions so tries to drop as many hints as possible without overstepping their friendship (it doesn't work)
the rest of the characters are picked up along their journey (put in order of when they join the crew)
dayne
- the son of one of the current rulers, but doesn't live with him (aka he has daddy issues)
- not very powerful, so he kinda avoids using his abilities (also bc he doesn't think it's fair that he could use them without facing any consequences bc of his dad)
- he also does not know how to fight, but he's the strongest of the group
- runs into battles regardless
- loves giving nicknames
- dumb bisexual
- flirts with everyone and falls in love easily
- himbo energy (think gold of heart dumb of ass)
- has ocd and adhd bc im projecting <3 and we need more casual nd representation
- really good at sketching
- kinda doesn't know what's going on but wants to help anyways bc he knows personally how much the government sucks
- also knows how to bake bc he lives with his grandma wileen and helps out at her bakery
- is really good with kids bc he has a four yr old sister
iliana
- a distinguished bisexual
- very powerful + great at hand to hand combat
- knows a lot of cool things abt her powers bc of her mom + different ways of manipulating energy practiced in her country
- speaking of, her mom was arrested for using her abilities
- she decides to help them bc she was already on her way to bust her mom out, and might as well topple the government in the process
- self proclaimed matchmaker
- very outgoing, she's one of those people you immediately feel like you could tell anything
- also very flirty (people think her and dayne like each other bc they're always flirting, but they're just very close)
aimes
- also called ettie (bc of his first name ettore)
- mom of the group
- very powerful
- he's italian and he cooks for everyone
- learned to cook bc he works at his family's restaurant
- met val + dayne bc they were arguing in said restaurant about their plans and he was like " ??? if y'all are gonna commit treason maybe don't be so loud abt it "
- takes care of iliana and dayne when they're being dumb
- knows how to fight but usually avoids it
noren
- aimes' twin sister
- iliana's best friend
- made her with the intent of 'she's gonna die to give the mcs some trauma' but then got attached
- wasn't supposed to be an mc but i accidentally developed her character a lot
- kinda powerful but doesn't really use her abilities much
- can fight though bc of sheer determination to kick some ass
- likes to paint (her and dayne usually go up to the deck and draw together)
this was so long im sorry jfchgrihvbbh but you didn't ask abt anything specific so,,, i had free rein to just gush abt them
#my ocs#forest rants#did any of this make sense ?#idk but have it#so sorry for this bestie but thank you i wanted to talk abt them very badly
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