#my dad wasn't perfect but he never mentally abused us

[reallyfvckingdone]

i just feel so bad for their child. poor child has to be around two fucking idiots. two brainless idiots. they shouldn't have met. he ruined everything :) i hate him so much

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Platonic..Yan! Bruce Wayne w/ new robin darling

warnings: Dysfunctional family dynamics, manipulation, emotional abuse, narcissism, delusion, kidnapping ect. I used experiences from my own family dynamics. My own father pinned me against my other siblings and did similar things so i guess this is personal lolll. Maybe others can relate too? Not romanticizing!!! but i do think yan! father Bruce would be mental like this.

Anyone going through parents like this, just know you're not alone. You can escape eventually. I did, so will you.

Masterlist

Requests? Always open

Yandere Bruce Wayne is a self righteous prick with an intense savior complex. So much entitlement for just one man Bruce, being dissatisfied with his current children's rebellion, needed someone new to traumatize. That someone is you. He noticed you instantly. A shy kid he encountered at one of his charity events. How "naive" and "dumb" his new batchild was. You're weak...and lonely...you're a helpless soul in need of saving. You're a perfect subject to wipe clean and reshape into his new robin.

According to him at least.

Your siblings can see just how distorted and plain wrong his 'love' for you is. He had the same kind for them too. They are all way too familiar with his process.

First he bombards you with praise. You're such a smart and amazing kid! So strong too. He's never seen anything like it.

Then isolation..Maybe you'd like to live with him and his other children for a little bit? It's a perfect, fun life here and he can dump so much money into your future in exchange for a few months of training. Its all temporary, you'll be back to mommy and daddy in no time.

Yeah lies.

He keeps you longer than the agreed time while giving your parents bullshit answers as to why they can't contact you. He tells them it could breach security if they call you but they keep on pushing back. He tries to pay them off and threatens them which ends up in them going to court to fight for you. The whole time he was making a case of child neglect and completely screwed them over. They lose custody and you're his to keep. He keeps this on the down low and ensures this won't hit the airwaves. Naturally, you ask him about going home. You never did get those weekends with your parents that he promised...and wasn't this only supposed to be up to six months?? It's almost been a year now. Why haven't you received a call? A text?...nothing? This is starting to make you get a knot in your stomach. *deep sigh*

Sorrows. Prayers.

Next is the re-programing/gaslighting. Your family was perfectly fine. More than loving and providing for you, you had a happy nuclear family..maybe a little unconventional in some ways but it was fine. You missed them dearly, you didn't understand why they suddenly are absent? Why did they just leave you here? Why couldn't you leave this place? Bruce is so twisted and his power he holds enables this false reality that he lives in. He projects his childhood and fragments of the other kids lives onto you. He'd drill it into you for hours that they never loved you, they begged him for money in exchange for you. They didn't care for the responsibility of you and were overjoyed by this way out. Though truthfully this was for the best anyways...they were dysfunctional and dangerous. They were setting you up for failure and your new dad just had to step in.... Can't you see? The memories you had of them were all false. You was living in a dream. Sorry to tell you, but it's probably best to not think too hard on it and embrace this new life of yours...it's meant for you. Are you being a brat and not accepting what he's telling you? How dare you declare him a liar. He's not the one who abandoned you. He saved you and he'd be a horrible parent if he let you go back to those criminals! Be grateful for what he's given you.

Manipulation, fear tactics and torture are all used to keep you in check when you ask about your family or try to escape because you know something is wrong. He runs you into mental circles until you're confused and disoriented

This is your new family now. He is your new dad now. You don't need them. You're his daughter and only his. Get in line, Robin.

Yandere Bruce whose next step in the plan is to play favorites with you over the other batkids in order to gain your trust. It's to give you an untruthful version of what life is actually like here when you're his robin. He purposefully spends more time with you, allowing you to fully get your way and defends you in bickers between the other kids. Sometimes he'll even pin you against each other if that works. You don't know better though. You think your siblings are bitter because you're better than they ever were at your age. But never being enough for Bruce eventually gets to you.

You're his shiny, new golden child in the making. He will perfect you. Your mind will be cleansed of all that filth in the world you've seen. Forget all you know for what he will teach you. What he's failed to perfect with the others, he'll accomplish with you.

Uh oh...you're starting to displease Batman. Don't worry...this is the second to last step. He steadily shows disapproval and acts like there's something wrong with you. Maybe he was wrong about you? Maybe you aren't meant to be great like the others because you are barely average right now. Just look at how scarred you are after one night on patrol...worse than Jason on his first night. You'll become dependent on his approval like the rest but you cannot seem to escape the look of disappointment from his face. The scoldings only seems to worsen.

He then comes around, but patronizing this time...coddling you with every step. The way you perform is showing him you aren't able to do anything for yourself. You're weak again. You're nothing but you're lucky to still be in his care because there's still a chance. He can fix you but it's going to take a lot of work. Can his new robin endure it or should he kick you out and leave you to the wolves? He knows the answer you'll choose as you're desperate for his fatherly love. He'll break you then rebuild you and break you some more until you're exactly who he wants you to be.

Coming after the greats means you're expected to excel past them....quickly. Don't embarrass him or he'll get another.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

they managed to massacre Aang's character and all the struggle and importance of his choice in the finale in a SINGLE page, and yet there are people who think the comics are good

and of course Katara's would have nothing to say on the matter, toootally in-character

Not to mention: yes, Zuko is right that a lifetime of indoctrination won't magically stop affecting him just because he's aware of it now, but the way the comics really said "If you're not perfect, you deserve to die. Not rehabilitation, not even incarceration despite it being an option, just straight to violent, lethal punishment" is horrying.

And lets not forget the blatant abuse apologism of having Zuko, the kid who was told by his abusive parent that his disfigurement and banishment was "for his own good" after he made one "mistake", turning to his closest friends and asking them to be his "safety net" by MURDERING HIM IF EVER STEPS OUT OF LINE - and said friends then agree to it.

Are you fucking kidding me? The real Aang would have double-down on the "You're NOT your father" bit, and the entire friend group would have been super concerned about Zuko because a victim of abuse saying they're as bad as their abuser thus deserve to die is one hell of a red flag as to how their mental health is going.

Speaking of mental health: I talk a lot about how Azula was constantly being abused by the supposed heroes in the comics, and how the justification of it is rooted in ableism, but this nonsense with Zuko asking to be put down like a dog is also peak victim blaming, and one of the few moments in which one can actually feel bad for comics!Zuko.

And it ties into a disturbing pattern I noticed among Avatar fans - and mainly Zuko fans. They don't truly understand that what Ozai put his children through was wrong, they simply think he chose the wrong kid as the escapegoat. They think Azula should have been the one that is constantly punished just for existing, while Zuko is the golden child that can do no wrong - or else.

This moment right here? With the people that he trusts agreeing to inflict violence on him if he ever makes a mistake? This is that "or else". This is literally the same mentality that led to Azula's breakdown because NO ONE CAN SURVIVE UNDER THAT MUCH PRESSURE.

And that leads us to the main reason why the comcis suck: Yang was using Zuko as a self-insert.

"Zuko‘s relationship with Ozai is something we – Mike, Brian, Dark Horse, Nickelodeon, and I – talked about extensively when we first started working together. There’s this strange thing that happens to people in power. The pressures of power often blur the lines between enemies. That’s part of what happens to Zuko here. Ozai is the only one who knows what it’s like to be Fire Lord, the only one who has the wisdom of experience. I also looked at my own life. I used to clash with my dad quite a bit when I was a teenager. However, as I grew up and found myself in roles that he used to have, I began to understand more and more of his decisions. My father isn't thoroughly evil, of course, but I imagine Zuko feels a little of the same pull."

Yang. My guy. My dude. The words "Ozai" and "wisdom" should NEVER be in the same sentence. Every single action of Ozai's as Fire Lord was based on him being an abusive piece of shit that finally got access to absolute power. He is not a stern dad, he is abusive. He's not misunderstood, he needed to be stopped and locked away. He is a human being with feelings and motivations, yes, but he is WRONG ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER. He NEVER had a point. Zuko has nothing to learn from him except what NOT to do. That's why he looks like an older, unscarred Zuko. A version of Zuko that never changed.

This is the core issue of the comics, and why it had so many moments of unintentional abuse apologism: they say Ozai is a villain, but they're going out of their way to constantly make the characters come dangerously close to saying "Maybe he had a point." That's why they have Zuko turn to Ozai for advice despite claiming he wants to avoid becoming like him - because the guy writting them couldn't understand that the bad guy was, in fact, bad and in the wrong and has no wisdom to offer to anyone.

Avatar, the series, is about the world moving past from the sick mentality people like Ozai had, and about his son realizing that he did not deserve to be abused. The Avatar Comics are about telling Zuko (and others) "Ozai isn't wrong actually, you'll understand when you're older."

No, Yang, they won't. Because there's nothing to "understand" here other than THE GUY THAT ABUSED HIS CHILDREN AND COMMITED GENOCIDE WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING, YOU DUMBASS!

Saying "the villain had a point" does not make a story better unless it is true - and in Ozai's case, it simply isn't. Insisting otherwise doesn't make the story and characters more mature, it just means you couldn't understand a cartoon aimed at 7-year-olds despite being a grown-ass man.

And I won't even get into Bryke approving of this bullshit otherwise I'll start tearing my hair out in rage at how badly they seem to have lost touch with the message of their best work, so let me just use a simple statemet to make everyone understand just how much of a disaster this is:

Even M. Night Shyamalan didn't misunderstand ATLA to the point of thinking Ozai wasn't actually wrong, but Bryan, Mike and Yang did. The comics understand the show less than M. Night Shyamalan did.

I rest my fucking case.

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

Which characters do you like the most and the least?

Hiii!!

Oh I love all the most important characters, although for different reasons! (I'm assuming this is about S1 lol)

I love Betty so much because I see myself in her a lot, which is something that I've always struggled to do with media representation with female characters. Growing up with such harsh insecurities, a family always trying to cheer us up about it, being so clumsy and a bit awkward, the self esteem issues, and even by the same first experience with a relationship that turned out to be fake! (Not fully the same, but something along those lines). When I first watched ysblf I felt very much like Betty pre change. Now I look back on it and still remember how it all felt! I see so much of me in Betty as a girl growing in the 2000s with lots of self esteem issues and my family as my backbone (although Betty is a much better, much smarter, and much a more patient person than me, by far lmao.) Leaving that aside, she's a genuinely good person. I love her real sorority, her genuine desire to help the Ecomoda employees, her love for her family and for Nicolás. I also love that fire in her. She's stubborn but determined. She's not perfect and allowed herself to be consumed by rage and her emotions because she's no angel. She never was. She slept with an engaged man knowing he was engaged, and she did it because she loved him. She accepted a bribe, and had it not being for her dad talking her out of it, she would have gotten the money because her family goes above anything else. She's fully human but so compassionate and funny and with so much love to give!

I love Armando Mendoza because he's so far from perfect and goes absolutely against the Prince Charming trope, but grows throughout the series and you can see how his actions torture him. He's so worried about not being enough that he ends up proving that he wasn't. He's driven by ego and fear and insecurity, and yells and threatens because he's so insecure in his respectability and leadership and deep down knows he's messing up (which is also a pain in the ego because he wants everything to be perfect to prove himself). He seems so big and threatening but he's actually incredibly mentally fragile. He has very little discipline and is so quick to get his defenses up... but he also has a weak spot for those under his charge. He knows he has power and doesn't want to abuse it. He's pretty much like an addict, always messing up and hurting the people he loves but can't stop it. He wants to be good but doesn't know how. He treats his gf like shit because he doesn't want her at all but he doesn't have the guts to face the consequences of leaving her. He doesn't want to hurt her but can't find another way to deal with her. They bring the worst out of each other.

I love Mario Calderón becuase he's a horrible person lmao. He's so calm and happy and charming that you's think you found actual prince charming, just to end up with a wicked witch lmao. His happiness and friendliness isn't sincere. He's too observant, and can quickly find people's weaknesses and doesn't care about exploiting them. He'll lurk in the corner and then insert ideas into Armando's mind. His biggest flaw is that he thinks he's much smarter than he actually is, but also is always suspicious of people around him. He's always making schemes but never thinks things through on the long run. He's totally okay with using and discarding people because he thinks they'd do the same if they could. He's totally okay with fanning the flames of paranoia in Armando's mind. He fears nothing but public humiliation, mainly because he likely lives off public perception. He's also hilarous and. Always makes me laugh!

I love Marcela because she's both so wrong and so right, and I can't fully blame her for either. She's sickly attahced to this man that she desperately wants but doesn't love, because she can't stand him or have anything in common with him, but NEEDS him because at this point it's a matter of principle, of pride, of ego, and most important, of family. He's her everything: her childhood companion, her boss, her fellow executive, her fellow owner of the company her mom and dad created, her basically adopted brother. They grew up together. It's a lifetime of attachment. Her own basically adoptive parents keep telling her all the time they're perfect for each other! But she's also so deeply resentful of him because he treats her like shit. She, just like him, is practically always on the defensive, but like an addict she cannot stop looking for him even though it hurts her so much. So she hurts him too. That's their game, the only thing they know with each other. It's a constant battle, one that keeps you on edge. At the same time, she's so full of ego that she hates every woman that Armando lays eyes on because she can't hold HIM accountable so she hates them instead. She hates Betty because Betty has everything she wants from Armando without even havi g to fight. She got it from day 1. She despises Betty because she represents all that should be between Armando and her. And it's a pain in the ego to know that Betty being so ugly and poor still wins this round over her. She thinks she should have all that because she's supposedly socially perfect and has worked for it, even though her "work" actually comes from a place of ego and hurt and pain.

Those are my favorite characters! Honestly, I could write ESSAYS about each of them, this js only the tip of the iceberg lmao

Regarding the ones I don't like, I honestly like mot of them. Different degrees, ofc. I like Mariana much more than I like Sofia, for example, and I dislike Patty much more than I dislike AM lmao.

The only character that J can totally say I fully dislike is Jenny. I dislike her so much that I skip her scenes in the rewatches jajaja whiny tones are absolutely jarring for my ears lmao but sometimes a good story can balance it out, but Jenny doesn't really have it. She's just bad because and we know nothing else lmao

Sorry this is a big rambli g with no editing lmao thanks for the question!

[honeii-puff]

So me and my friend had a debate and it made me realize how you can see which characters are favored by the creators by how much of their backstory (how the grew up, what happened before s1, their family lives) we know of them.

For this, im going to be using characters that got introduced in S1, as they have had the most time to be added onto (almost a decade), plus Max as a shoe-in.

This list would be: The Byers(+el), the Wheelers, The Hendersons, the Sinclairs, the Mayfields, and the Harringtons.

The Byers:

Joyce married Lonnie and had Jonathan and Will before separating (I don't remember explicitly why, probably because he was a piece of shit). Jonathan and Will live with Joyce with no visitation from Lonnie, and are very close. Joyce isn't the most stable parent, so Jonathan helps around, kind of co-parenting Will. El grew up in the lab, and we see all the stuff that happens when shes younger, which makes sense since she is the main face of the show, so she's kind of exempt from this list.

The Wheelers:

On the outside, they're seen as the perfect suburban family, but in reality, Karen and Ted are in a loveless marriage, especially proven in s3 when Karen is having a weird relationship with Billy. The Wheeler siblings have a normal sibling dynamic of shouting and a love-hate relationship, with (this mainly applying to Nancy) the pressure of having to hold up the "perfect family" image.

The Mayfields:

Max's mom married Billy's dad when Max was young (I dont know if they mentioned what happened to her dad or if i just forgot), after Billy's mom had died. They lived in California until they were introduced in s2. Billy's dad is physically and verbally abusive, which has influenced Billy's actions towards Max. After Billy's death, we know that Billy's dad left, and that Max's mom isn't in a good mental state, leaving Max to take care of herself while also coping with her brother's death.

Now lets compare that to what we know about the Hendersons, the Sinclairs, and the Harringtons:

The Hendersons:

Dustin's dad isn't in the picture (we dont know why), and his mom likes cats.

The Sinclairs:

Lucas has both of his parents, who are in a loving relationship, and he has his sister Erica, who he has a generic sibling relationship with.

The Harringtons:

Rich background, Steve's parents are never around, but it's never expressed as to what his relationship with them is like. (Ik he wasn't meant to be a main character and he was supposed to die in s1, but its been a decade, they could have added onto it at any time)

We can also see this in how their trauma affects them

El and Will both have similar "im the freak" mindsets, which gives them the struggle of being able to make new friends and expand their circle. They also have a lot of trauma from the upside down, and El unknowingly blocked memories of what happened with 001 due to how traumatic they were.

Mike was bullied his whole life, which does reflect in his character, making him quick to react to situations rather than analysing them before responding. His trauma doesn't come from his family, but from other people he has been around. With both him and Nancy, it is shown that they both struggle with telling people that they care about "I love you" (Nancy with Steve, Mike with El), probably from seeing how "love" affected their parents.

Max's mental health had a steep decline after loosing Billy, and it is explicitly shown and a large part of her character in s4, so that one needs little explanation due to how blatantly obvious it is.

Now, Dustin, Lucas, and Steve have all been dealing with the Upside Down just as long as the others have been (besides Max), and little trauma is shown from it.

Dustin and Lucas were both bullied like Will and Mike were, yet it doesn't seem to actually affect their character like it has for Mike and Will. Both also have their share of events happening with the Upside Down.

Steve did go through a character arc, but we don't see how trauma has affected him, especially since he seems to be the shows punching bag. He got tortured by russians, almost got shot by his ex, has gotten into fight after fight for these kids, and got dragged to the bottom of the lake by his ankles and proceeded to get strangled and attacked by bats.

And none of them seemed to be affected by any of it.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

If there are any other ST characters you want an analysis on, send an ask!

[tetsunabouquet]

hi :) ok, just watching shaman king 2021 in 2024 recently so the fandom seems gone LOL and I have doubts thanks to the spin-offs. in shaman king marcos; marco was shy and victim of bullying and luchist saw good in him, adopted him and gave him a happy childhood (luchist doesn't seem an abuser) so how a shy bullied kid became a violent abuser adult? luchist said he was disciplined? does it means marco hit kids for not doing homework?

hao used to be good and became bad later in life, so can't stop thinking marco became bad 'cause of his hate for hao and his wish to get revenge, hate changes people. maybe he started abusing kids in search of the perfect weapon to kill hao and found it in jeanne, plus, living a big lie without nobody to share with, it must have driven mad, he lost it when yoh said he was the leader. so he was well aware of his lie.

hao wasn't a murderer, pain and human idiocy changed him.

and it may explain why luchist abandoned marco? luchist always wanted to join hao, but created x laws for marco, he was supposed to be a great father and left his son suddenly, maybe he couldn't see how bad marco became and couldn't kill him.

ren and chocolove did bad things and changed to good, so good people can change to bad. tamao changed too, she used to be shy and kind, now does she hit hana?

sorry, I'm just late to the party, 3 years late LOL not sure whether to watch shaman king flowers, it seems canceled and don't want to be in cliffhanger and have to wait 20 years more.

thanks for replying to my annoying questions LOL

Hao and Marco's childhoods are incomparable so they don't make for good comparisons. Hating someone with a burning passion doesn't suddenly turns people into (child) abusers. Sure it corrupts people, but corruption only ever shows what was already under someone's surface. With the attitude of the church at this time, it is very likely that Marco already picked up that behavior far before Hao came around. Hao was very much a murderer! He killed people, humans and shamans alike. That's the very definition of a murderer. Pain and trauma which isn't idiocy had twisted him into a murderer. A sobby backstory doesn't excuses away that he as someone who is mentally an adult throughout the entire story, killed plenty of innocents.

Ren, Joco and even the Shaft gang hadn't reached psychological maturity and never knew any better which is why I don't consider them the same as Hao. Adults should know better, and Hao still performed heinous crimes. You do know of Tamao's her arc into becoming a legendary gangster in her teens is one of the things Takei hasn't expanded upon, right? She and Ryu alike are probably more accustomed to tough love then gentle love. Yoh's dad literally slapped children, have you forgotten about that? We do have to take into account that corporal punishment is still much more common in Japan as it is in the West. It's more normalized over there as about 70% of Japanese children still get spanked at home. We do have to take account how certain cultures and time periods in Marco's case, normalize child abuse. It doesn't make it right, but at this point with the numerous examples we have seen, it's very clear that Takei himself is amongst those who believe in abusing children which is one of my issues with the franchise. PS: Whilst the 2021 is superior in terms of following the manga, I've been part of the fandom since the original anime aired. The Shaman King fandom has pretty much always been comatose. Welcome to the club. PPS: Also, Shaman King Flowers the anime was literally released in January in Japan....

[prince-liest]

Hey I just read your Lucifer/Angel Dust fic and omg, I loved it so much! You really, really nailed down Lucifer's awkward personality so well! You know his characterization is perfect when you can't help but cringe at him a little, lol.

I really like the fact that Lucifer was so in his head in the fic, like, he frequently "checks out" in a sense and goes on mental tangents. This makes sense since he's so unused to talking to anyone that he doesn't really know how to be "present" in a lot of moments. Like when Angel takes Lucifer into his room and Lucifer immediately zones into the photo of his daughter. Him struggling to not think about Charlie was also really sweet, and a little pathetic as it's clear that she's really the only person Lucifer is close too lol.

Also, I wasn't expecting Angel and Husk to be dating in this fic - but it was very much a welcome surprise! I really like the idea of the two of them having an open relationship, since I bet the last time Husk would want to do is control who Angel can and can't sleep with, since Angel has spent so much time not choosing for himself.

And omg, the smut was so good! I liked how nervous Lucifer was, even though he has (had?) A wife, it's been so long since the two of then were together that I bet he's a little out of practice. I really like that Angel was so prepared to let Lucifer take the lead, only for him to realize "oh, this man is the subbest man to ever sub".

I never really thought of Angel as a dom before, but man, if this while fic didn't convince me the line - "Dollface,” Angel says, “I’ll call ya whatever you like.” - did.

And omg, Lucifer purring. I actually squealed. I never thought of purring to be an angel thing but now I can't unsee it. Angel immediately wanting to make Lucifer purr again after he learned what it was was simultaneously really sweet but also a little sad. Especially as Lucifer thought that it was obnoxious, even though I doubt anyone would have told him anything like that. Assuming all angels purr, so they wouldn't knock it, and Lilith and Lucifer were once in love, so I doubt she would make any comments.

Idk, I just thought it was a really good characterization moment, and showed how "differently" Lucifer sees himself from his "people", how he's insecure about something that sets him about from everyone around him.

Also, I really like how Lucifer's depression has affected his sexuality. Like how he finds it difficult to get hard in the past, or how it affects his purring. Idk, again it's just a little detail I'm glad you included, it really makes it help like you took the time to analyze Lucifer and how his problems would affect his sex life.

And Lucifer crying during sex, I think that's the most in character thing for him to do in this entire fic lol. He's a cry baby, I can feel it in my bones. The second most in character thing for Lucifer is having a daddy kink lol.

(Also, I wasn't sure where to put this in the asks but I found it really charming how... low? Lucifer puts himself compared to others? If that's the right word? Like he never even thinks to use his status. For example when he thinks he ruined the encounter with Angel he immediately starts worrying about how awkward it would be to see him again, even though he's like, the King of hell and if he didn't want to see Angel again he could literally tell Angel not to be in presence.

He's so blase about his role as ruler of Hell, that I can't help but speculate that that's where Charlie got it from.

I mean, it's not as though Lucifer is a stranger to using, or even abusing, his status. In the sing "Hell's Greatest Dad" he literally takes about rigging the game for Charlie because he's the "ref". Idk where I'm going with this, but again, it's a neat character detail we briefly see in episode 5, and I'm really glad to see it expanded on here!)

(Also, also, I know this wasn't included in your fic at all, but I find it a little funny that Angel now has Lucifer in his corner, purely because how fucked this would make Valentino. Like, I think Lucifer is really the only character who can make Valentino actually listen to. I know in your other fic - Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy - Alastor does help Angel out in the Valentino department. Yes I do consider all of your fics to be in the same "universe", even though I'm aware you probably didn't intend that to be the case.

But I'm just not sure if Valentino would really listen to Alastor? I mean, he did see him get his shit wrecked by Adam, and run away. Plus it takes a whole lot of manipulation from Vox to get Valentino to not do something he wants to.

But Lucifer is in his reputation, and I know Valentino wasn't willing to listen to Charlie, but Charlie was bring a bit timid. We have seen Lucifer being confrontational - and protective - before. So I bet he wouldn't mind actually pulling rank and Valentino to chill the fuck out. Idk, it's just a neat thought exercise.)

Sorry for rambling in your inbox, I just have a lot of Thoughts!

Ahh, this ask was so lovely to read! I like to say that my fanfics are basically my versions of character essays, or my love letters to characters that I like, and it's true in how I write them, so it's always extremely gratifying to see people not just enjoy them but specifically pick apart the things I put into the fics! Especially because I slam my writing style pretty heavily into the "show, don't tell" basket out of personal preference, so it's really delightful when people DO see those things!

Bonus thoughts under the cut so I don't totally kill people's dashboards:

I find writing characters who go on overthinky mental tangents so enjoyable (shoutout to Meng Yao), and Lucifer in particular struck me intensely as that kind of person because even in the show itself he goes on occasional little tangents to himself out loud, mid-conversation. He really acts like someone who hasn't been very well-socialized in recent times, and it's fun to elaborate on! And also a really fun way to show a character being anxious, depending on how you write it, without ever actually mentioning anxiety.

And YES! From what I can tell in canon, Charlie is really, truly the only person that he socializes with! And it's just him calling her once every several months! It's not like Alastor, who maintains an air of mystery - Lucifer just strikes me as someone who's been self-isolating very intensely at the very least since his wife left if not earlier!

It's not in the fic, but I kinda like to headcanon Husk as demi or ace, but very invested in the romantic aspect of his relationship with Angel Dust. My best friend and her future husband are also super poly, and she specifically is very bi and very open to having a good time with various people, so I think my default perspective on monogamy has been shaped a lot by that the past few years, haha! I feel like I can see huskerdust as being cute in love (after they're done with their slowburn in canon) and very comfortable about Angel sleeping with other folks while Husk just does his own thing in that department.

I like to assume Angel is a switch and vers, just by virtue of his job and past experiences, and I think I also see him as genuinely not really having much preference one way or another besides to have a good time. He definitely makes assumptions about the preferred dynamic in this fic at first, both about Lucifer but also because of the assumptions that clients make about Angel Dust himself, but it's far from his first time around the block.

I HAVE! NO CANON REASON FOR THE PURRING. SOMEONE MENTIONED IT ON DISCORD AND I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CUTE AS FUCK. And I immediately needed it to be fucked up demonic rattle-purring, not something actually cat-like. This one's all on me, y'all, HAHA.

Lucifer's relationship with his role as the king of hell is also really interesting to me because he's very blase about it canon while, yes, totally using it when it suits him. I think it's pointed moment that the first time he actually brings it up himself is when it's something he can leverage to help Charlie out. He reads to me like someone who objectively knows that he's hot shit, but also just doesn't consistently think of himself that way, probably partly because he's always been "Lucifer Morningstar, exiled from heaven" with the other seraphim as his point of reference for power levels, and also probably partly because he demonstrably doesn't have a fantastic mental health situation. Being king of hell didn't un-fuck his family life, except for when suddenly it might in fact help un-fuck his relationship with his daughter.

And yeah, Lucifer could probably actually have literal words with Val and put a stop to the heinous shit. For what it's worth, though, in Happily Ever After: an actual conversation not what Alastor means by "a very firm reminder." He's gunning to kill two birds with one stone by curb stomping the person who has one over one of "his people" and also re-establishing himself as the biggest fish in the Pride Ring pond bar Lucifer after everyone seems to have forgotten who he is and after his defeat at Adam's hands. Can he actually do that? I like to think that he can, but between the mysterious constraints of his contract, the undefined rules of hell regarding interference in other people's contracts, and the fact that Alastor is a grade-A bullshitter when it comes to convincing me personally that he's overpowered, who really knows! But, uh, suffice to say, whether Valentino is inclined to listen to him is not a concern of his, haha.

And thank you very much for this ask! ^_^ I was very fun to read and chat about! <3

[scarletmoon34]

(My dream is for my oc to become popular in the creepypasta franchise and I do except fanart of her)

⚠️ warning ⚠️: this mentions the following (minpulation, emotional and mental abuse and sexual assault)

Ps: lots of misspelling because this was all typed on my computer 😅

Status: alive

where she is: slender mansions

birth place: unknown

age: unknown

birth date: 4/14/2008

sexuality: bisexual

gender female

pronuouns: they/them

favorite color: red

any other family members: unknown

description: pale, white cowboy hat, bags under her eyes, golden cross earring, short black hair (used to be brown), one red eye color and her original blue eye, demon star symbol on her forehead, red color at the ends of her hair only on her bangs, a black button up with medium black on top of white long sleeves with a grayish army like sleeveless zip up, ripped blue jeans, Healed cuts on legs and arms, wrapped up wrists, white bandages on the bottom of her pants, red and white shoes's, white belt with.

backstory: her life started of nice until her parents got divorced when she was 5 years old her dad gave her the white cowboy hat before he had to leave then a year after her mom gets a boyfriend his name is unknown, when she turned 8-9 that's when he started acting sexually twords her when her mom wasn't home she never told anyone because he threatend her, when she turned 11 her mom started to make her do labor around the house and would slap and yell at her if she didnt do that thing right and she could never yell at her mom because then her mom would tell her to pack her things and leave but then later cry and apologize to her saying "I wont do that again" and that she's doing this because she loved her, she minuplates her and tells her to lie to a lot of people and gives a "I will hit you if you say anything" kind of face, when she turned 13 she was arguing with her mom in the kitchen when her mom went to violentally grab her she grabbed a knife and slashed her mom in the eye making her go blind parshly on that eye and stabes her in the legs so that she couldn't move when her moms boyfriend saw this he tried to run but she caught up to him slashing his back and then kept stabbing him in the legs after she realized what she did she calls her dad who later drives to the house to see his daughter coverd in blood when he went up to her and grabbed her shoulder she snapped again and cut her dads neck not deep enough to kill him tho when she realized this she runs out of the house and into the woods where she later falls down a ditch landing on the knife which stabs her in the shoulder and she faints, when she woke up she wasn't in the woods anymore she was a log cabin when she looks over she sees a women with red hair and a black nurse outfit it was #nurse Ann who told her what happend when she fell she treated her wounds later #nurse Ann "adopts" her and trained her when she turned 16 she was messing with dark magic which ended up giving her powers but also a demon buddy, when she turned 18 she met #slenderman who later found out that's shes perfect to be a proxy member lets her to become a proxy member when she turned 19 years later her age is unknown to a lot of people, as for her mom her mom went to jail for child abuse but years later the time her daughter was well known killer she was let out of prison and was put into a retirement home at age 60 her ex boyfriend was put into prison for life for child abuse and for sexually assulting a minor and as for the dad he becomes a mechanic and still searches for his daughter even tho shes a well known killer no one knows that's her.

her past description: long brown hair blue eyes and no bags under eyes and no markings when she was getting older she cut her hair and let it grow out she started to not sleep and stated to do self-harm to herself her one eye changes red when she was messing with dark magic and the symbol on her forehead appears and she cuts her hair short with messy long bangs that almost covers her eyes but not really her hair turned black over the time of her using dark magic and when she dyed the ends of her long hair red when she attacked her mom, dad, and her moms ex boyfriend the end of her bangs stayed red while the other parts of her hair is black.

abilities/powers: shes able to make portals and when angry her blue eye turns red and her star symbol on her forehead turns black and just like venom but the only thing she can make is bladed weapons, when shes calm her one eye turns back to blue and the symbol turns back to red and her blades go away.

hates: her mom, her moms ex boyfriend,when people lie, when people yell at her and fighting each other, men but depends who they are to her, abusers

likes: her friend, nurse Ann because she's more of a mom to her,loves her dad,spicy food, drawing, going on night missions, can handle loud sounds, likes kids

people shes friends with: Jeff, toby, masky, and hoodie, maybe Jason but their relationship is confusing

(SpeedPaint will be posted later)

[vysotzka]

last evening i've found out that i have lost one of my childhood idols, liam payne. my first reaction was a disbelief. i would never think im going to experience his loss so early, way too early.

i wasn't even seven years old when i've came across one direction's video diaries but i immediately knew those boys will bring so much joy and comfort to my life. and i was right, they stayed in my life throughout the best and worst years. we've been growing up together, even though we were apart. they were always there, and so was liam.

liam was a special person, a great person and he would be such an important part of the band. his voice was a different kind of gorgeous, such a talented soul, such a pure soul. until he lost his way, until all his problems began. he needed professional help and i'm so glad he reached out to get help. yet incredibly sorry he didn't get the help he needed, so sorry he didn't manage to get better and go be mentally healthy again.

yes, he was an abuser and i am not going to neglect it, neither am i going to defend his actions. all real fans need to face the fact, that somewhere along the way we've lost the good and pure soul he was, and it got replaced with a broken person. liam made mistakes, horrible ones and it truly disappointed many of us, if not all of us.

but he was our idol, he was, at some point, a person we'd look up to. a person we thought would be so trustworthy and kind, and he indeed was, he just got lost. it's such a loss to all of us, to all the fans who just like me were growing up together with one direction boys.

his music, their music, saved me many times. helped me throughout my worst time and my worst thoughts. and i wish i could've helped him in a way, i wish someone would've managed to keep him sane and healthy. nobody deserves to pass away this way. it's so painful and heartbreaking. my heart still refuses to believe that he's gone, and not coming back.

i'm so sorry liam, i wish we could've done something. i wish you healed, i wish you didn't make those mistakes you made. but you were just a human, like all of us. and we're not flawless, we're not perfect. i wish life was easier on you, i wish your mental health would've treated you better. i wish you would've been completely sane and i wish you've stayed the liam i've met back then in 2010.

that's how i'm going to remember him. a joyful, happy and healthy man, who helped so many people. i'm going to remember the boy full of love and passion for music. i'm going to remember the liam, who was a kind boy and who was there to help me throughout the rough times.

my heart goes out to his family, to his parents who had lost a child, their beloved son. my heart goes out to his siblings, who lost their brother. it goes out to his girlfriend who lost a loved one. and obviously it goes out to his son, bear, who just lost a loving dad. a boy is going to grow up without his dad's presence and it is heartbreaking. my heart breaks thinking of how mental health can affect your life. he deserved to get better, his family and friends deserved to have him in their lives still.

may he rest in peace.

liam payne, you will be remembered by so many. forever in my heart. 🕊️🤍

[trinitycove]

I just wanna say that as an OSA woman who only recently got into r*d f*minism (censoring so it doesn't show up in the tag), I appreciate seeing you talk about how good your jakey is to you. I developed a doomer mentality regarding men, so it's nice to see that, even though it takes a lot of work, there are guys out there who aren't terrible. Even beyond my own sexual orientation, it just gives me the slightest bit of hope that one day, even if not in my lifetime, there will come a time when the patriarchy is dismantled and women can finally exist alongside men free of its shackles.

I honestly post about him for that reason. I am really glad to hear you find it personally helpful. In no way do I think he is perfect or free of misogyny. There are definitely moments where I need to educate him and he needs time to really understand.

However, he is open to that education and will always think about what I have to say even if he disagrees. He will research it as well. I've been in many relationships and never before have I been with a man who is like that.

I hated men for a long time. They had abused me in various ways, cheated on me, watched porn, and generally treated me like trash. But there was always an exception to me and that was my dad. Did my mom complain about him? Hell yeah. But he did give me a good example of a man who is an ally. He's the reason I held out hope.

It was when I looked for a relationship that I met the abusive assholes. The two relationships with "good men" I had came when I wasn't looking. That's general advice anyone will give you, but it really never got through to me until I got into my late twenties.

There are some men who are willing to work with us. They won't be perfect. The main thing is they don't hurt us and are willing to learn to be a better ally and partner.

I too wish for a world where we can coexist with men without fear and, as you put it, shackles. For now, I will take the few men I do trust and feel gratitude.

[alextheavoidant]

I posted this as a reply to someone on YouTube under a video about the 8 Passengers situation. Thought I'd share it here because why not.

I feel like I should put a trigger warning here as this post discusses child abuse, but now that I think of it my whole blog probably needs a trigger warning...

Post:

I was also badly abused growing up and this is something I'm just now starting to come to terms with. My parents were divorced when I was five and my father claims he tried to get custody of my siblings and I, but the truth is he didn't want to be a single father and having three little kids to take care of would have gotten in the way of his drinking and partying lifestyle. I never knew my mothers side of the family because she's pretty much been estranged from them since before I was born. But I remember when my sister died from a drug overdose the whole side of my dads family were suddenly so sad about what we went through growing up and would say things like "We tried to give you some sense of normalcy. We always invited you to Christmas and the holidays." As if they were doing us some kind of favor for letting us come to family gatherings.

The worst part is I didn't have to wonder if they knew. I knew they knew because I remember being very vocal about what was happening to us our entire childhood. But every time I tried to tell someone it seemed like they would either turn away and pretend they didn't hear me or make some kind of joke like "Oh yeah, that's your mother. She's crazy. Ha ha ha." or a dismissive "Well, she's the only mother you're ever gonna have, so you gotta love her." or what I feel is one of the most damaging things you can put in an abused child's mind, "I know it may not seem like it, but she loves you in her own way." No one seemed to be worried back then.

The other worst part is instead of being understanding about the ways the abuse has effected us and maybe trying to help us get our lives together, these same people who turned a blind eye to it now have the audacity to judge us for not being "successful", their definition of success being having a great career, lots of money, nice house, nice car, nice marriage with three perfectly behaved, straight A students. We're supposed to be perfect like all of them pretend to be. Just supposed to magically not be affected by any of the abuse and neglect we suffered growing up so that they can pretend it never happened so they don't have to feel guilty about the fact that they knew we were living in a house with a raging alcoholic without food and clean clothes half the time and they did nothing about it. It wasn't *their* responsibility to protect us. Now that we're adults its *our* responsibility to fix ourselves and stop "playing innocent", blaming the family and making them look bad. The only reason we can't is obviously because we're just too inherently defective. Because of course we are. We're "just like our mother". We have her genes. And the kicker? I'm constantly told to "rise above my raising" while also being told I'm "screwing up" my niece because I can't afford to take her out to eat all the time and shit like that. Literal mind fuck.

And yet, the most bizarre part is, the more progress I make in my recovery, as I have been diagnosed with several mental health issues including a severe anxiety disorder (AvPD), the harder and harder they seem to want to come down on me. Like it's not enough that I've spent years in therapy trying to get my life straight, that I'm raising AND homeschooling my sisters child, whom she abandoned long before she passed away. It's not enough just that I survived that hell and I'm still here and I'm not an addict or in jail or on the street. I'm just not getting better fast enough, and that annoys them. They don't want to hear about my recovery because they don't want to acknowledge how fucked up I actually am, and how much work its taking to even try to achieve some sense of normalcy, let alone have a "successful" life and career, according to their standards. My very existence is a stain on the security blanket of lies they wrap themselves up in so they can sleep at night. And they really don't like that.

[vanillavcnce]

𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗? 𝟷𝟶'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚊 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍.

Welcome to the mind of an ego-maniac wrapped in daddy issues and severe trauma. Below the cut is some more info on my new bby.

**BTW - this backstory is completely made up, it has incorporated some of his real life elements obviously, but I enjoy giving my muses pretty outlandish backstories so please be advised this is from my imagination and it isn't actually factual to Cody's real life or any of his actual family members.**

Full name: Cody Vance.

Birthday: January 15, 1992. 31 yrs of age.

Hometown: Clare, Michigan.

Currently lives in: Atlanta, GA.

Cody's loved wrestling since he was young, he knew in his heart that he wouldn't settle for anything less than becoming a pro wrestler one day and getting a contract with AEW made that become a reality for him.

Most people look at Cody and take him for face value and who could really blame them? He's rarely serious and you can usually find him cracking jokes, making fun of someone, or being a total idiot. He has a pretty dark past growing up in Clare, Michigan he came from a relatively 'perfect' home. The Vance family was highly respected, Cody's father was a pastor in his hometown, very loved and well respected throughout Michigan and Cody loved and admired his father, in fact he idolized him greatly. Though the two didn't always have a good relationship, in fact his father would mentally and physically abuse Cody quite often. The two would go back and fourth getting into physical altercations throughout his life. Cody's dad wanted him to become a preacher as well and go to Bible College and Cody would've done it if it meant making his father happy. His biggest struggles were with disappointing his father, so he'd often do things he didn't want to if it meant making his dad happy. His father was his hero and even though Cody's father was a very corrupted individual, he had a hard time seeing him for who he really was. It wasn't until Cody's father had been exposed for having affairs, religious abuse, and other corrupted things that he saw the wreckage and carnage of some of the decisions and things he had done. The hurt, destruction, and devastation his father had left for those around him, was enough for Cody to decide he wanted to live his life for him and to have his own dreams. He never looked back - except he very much did. He's been haunted by his traumatic upbringing and his father's actions for years and it's shaped Cody into the person he is today unfortunately. He's a bit of an ego-maniac, he's got tons of walls built up, and he often acts out as a way of coping with the trauma and anger that he holds inside.

Cody's had one publicized relationship, it was before he really blew up with AEW but most know he dated Anna Jay (I have not spoken to the Anna writer so I will leave this part pretty bare for the time being.) after he and Anna broke up, Cody spent some time alone, but he actually ended up finding someone and he got married to this woman drunkenly one night in Vegas. It wasn't a planned thing obviously and he certainly didn't wanna marry this woman, he was just looking for a bit of fun however - he decided to stay and give the marriage a try, the two eventually ended up having a daughter and he did get divorced from her about 5 months ago but he's still very present in his daughter's life. His ex wife has full custody of his daughter (due to Cody's very busy schedule) but he does see his daughter very regularly.

Cody's open for all plots, ships are 100% chemistry based for me as I don't like to force things, I lose muse when I do that. He's not really a commitment type of guy, especially after watching his own father's marriage crumble and then his own failed marriage and relationship with Anna. He could use some friends though, he's a dumbass. Lmao hit me up for plots guys!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, please call me yuna. this might be too long so i'm going to split this into 2 asks, i hope that's okay tw's: suicidal thoughts and attempt, general abuse, some detailed descriptions of physical abuse. i just want to vent out and i feel i'm in desperate need of advice. for some info i've been raised by a single dad since i was 14, turning 18 this sept. my dad was never really physically abusive, and he barely insulted my mom. but he had a really hard time regulating his emotions it seems and he couldn't express himself. he was very distant from both my mom and i. so she probably found someone better and left. with me, he was very emotionally unavailable and there was little affection between us, so i conclude my parents had an unhappy marriage. i don't know what caused him to be the volatile dad he is with me. we had eventual arguments and it started with a basic slap as 'discipline'. it escalated overtime. going to dragging me out of my room and beating me until i quite literally passed out. one of my worst memories consists of when he went a 'little too far' and had to take me to the hospital. he forced me to come up with a story where i was targeted by delinquents and how we were pressing charges which was absolute bs. nobody questioned this shit. not even my neighbours. not people who i considered friends. we're barely in contact w relatives. all of this happened during covid, so in complete isolation. all the worst memories took place during covid. i have very, very mixed emotions about him. i know he had a hard childhood, but in the end, he has never apologized for anything. but i think, all these years, he feels guilty, just doesn't know how to express it. like after hitting me, he'd cook for me, try to give me space, even when i fell sick (ironically, from his physical abuse) he took care of me, but he has not once directly apologized. so i can't help but feel it's all superficial. how else would he have the audacity to ask him how i'm feeling as i limped around the fucking house bruised and swollen bc of what HE did? thing is he has a perfect exterior. he earns well, has a great lifestyle and is respected by people. nobody will question him because how can a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort ever be abusive? will continue the rest in my next ask, please reply however comfortable.

His perfect exterior almost fooled me too. He'd try to make good of birthdays, compliment me on good grades, if i asked for something, he'd usually just provide it, but within a day or two i'd be back to being his punching bag. around 2020, i had a suicide attempt a day after he hurt me really badly. my memory around this is fuzzy. i vaguely recall looking at my bruised face and within a few seconds i stopped thinking rationally. i had been showing very visible signs of being in a highly unstable mental headspace, even vocally expressing suicidal thoughts, but it was always dismissed, obviously met with more abuse, and a simple "stop saying such things". he never took them seriously. i'm going to sound really crazy, but i'm glad i did try, or atleast attempt to kill myself, because i saw him express some genuine emotion for me for the first time in years during that. i wonder if i did that out of spite, or if i just had enough. in short, there were complications, he was never charged bc of red-tape procedures, CPS failed me due to 'lack' of evidence and i didn't admit anything nor did he (now that it think of it, i can't believe i never took pictures of the abuse.), and i ended up home again. i've been on meds since that. as for dad, he didn't change as much i thought he would. he didn't lay a hand on me for months, but he wasn't very emotionally supportive, even once asking me why i attempted. you'd think he'd change for his daughter's sake, but i don't think he ever will, fully. there was no all out abuse like there used to be after the attempt, but he still occasionally hit me. when i graduated HS, i told him i wanted to move out, which he did not oppose, this surprised me a lot bc i thought he'd try to hold me back. i'm not sure how to feel about this, and what it means. he texts me sometimes, trying to pretend to care. till date, there is no apology. no explanation for everything. i've been a straight A, well-behaved, and all of it was excused by 'you were troublesome and i simply disciplined you.' here's where i need the advice. even when i'm out now, i don't feel safe. even after my attempt, every time he spoke to me it felt like his fist was hitting my face again. every time he talks to me about remotely anything i feel as if he's driving his knee into my stomach again. i struggle a lot with some sensory issues. my face and head start to hurt, i'm all dizzy and there are sharp pains that run down my ribs and everything. i'm not sure what this is and wud like advice on it. but i suppose it could be depression/ptsd or wtv. i constantly think of cutting him off, but tbh, i'm very, very scared. i'm still scared of him. i'm scared that i stand to lose a chance at building a genuine relationship w him. i made very little friends throughout the years and pushed them all away. he's my only family & support system. i truly want to believe he's trying his best, but i just can't. it's like losing everything i know. even as i'm out of that house, i just can't get to sleep because of the constant nightmares and waking up randomly soaked in sweat. i think i feel very detached and numb from my emotions, i realize i can't express much, either. i fear i'm becoming like him, and i don't like it at all. to conclude, nobody around me currently knows of the abuse. anyone who does has excused it. i'm not suicidal now, but i don't know how long i can keep all of this bottled up, and who would even believe such a perfect man like my dad could do something so horrendous. i'm going to try my best to keep myself together. someone needed to know all of this, and i feel i can express it here. thank you for building such a safe place. i sincerely apologize for the long asks.

Hi yuna,

I'm so sorry about everything you've been through. Please know that none of this is your fault and it takes a lot of strength to come this far so you deserve to be proud of yourself. It can feel impossible to deal with an abusive parent, especially with experiences like yours, and it makes sense to have a complicated relationship with him because of that.

People who fail to acknowledge that your father is capable of abuse and has abused you obviously aren't seeing the full picture. It's not your fault if someone asks something so naive like how a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort could ever be abusive. The answer is complex because so is the situation.

i can honestly see why you were glad you attempted suicide, because it finally seemed to get the attention from your father that you haven't seen in years. But perhaps it's also worth reflecting on the fact that it seems to take a suicide attempt for your dad to show that he cares about you. You deserve so much better than that.

It's common as a survivor to worry that you'll become your abuser, but its important to remember that this worry is the exact reason why you won't. Experiencing normal trauma responses and PTSD symptoms such as feeling disconnected with your emotions doesn't necessarily mean you'll become abusive either.

Regarding the dizziness and pains, I'm not too sure what it could be and I ultimately recommend asking for the advice of a doctor and/or a mental health professional. It could be the way panic or anxiety physically manifests, and it could also be something more medically concerning, so getting a professional's opinion would be best.

Unfortunately it would be unlikely to be able to build a genuine relationship with him because even if it were entirely healthy, the reminders of his unaddressed abuse and the trauma that you live with as a result are inevitably going to remain at the back of your mind. As much as you deserve a healthy relationship with your father, you don't deserve to have any kind of relationship with an abusive father who has never taken accountability. Even if you continued to have some relationship with him, it would likely be superficial and surface level, which to some degree it already seems to be. It makes sense not to be comfortable being closer to someone who has hurt you so deeply and consistently, even if that person is your dad.

Please know that you're not alone, and we are here for you if you need anything. I hope I could help, and please take care.

-Bun

[mamadill]

I feel robbed of sorts in the father department.

Growing up, I watched a lot of TV. I'm genuinely surprised my brain didn't rot to pieces. Anyway, I always paid much attention to the family unit I would see in the shows that I watched. Loving, kind, warm and fuzzy parents filled my TV screen.

I always wondered what that was like. What is it like to have two loving and adoring parents? What is it like to have a father? What does that look and feel like?

My bio Dad wasn't around in my life. I never knew him and from what I have learned is that he passed away in the last decade not even knowing I existed. Having found my half sister in 2020, it has been fun learning about him and seeing pictures. I know it wasn't in the cards for us to meet but I wrestle with the ache I have in my heart from not knowing him.

My mom got married when I was four to a man who was violent. Physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse was no stranger to the home that he and my mother made with my older brother, myself and then they had my little brother together. Again, it is not anyone's fault-- but that time period made a huge impact on me in many ways.

They divorced I believe when I was 8 or so...

My mom remarried when I was 9. They were married for a long period of time. It wasn't until 2024 that I was finally made aware of some behaviors I had put up with for much too long.

He provided for us and has taught us things along the way. I will never discredit him for that. My eyes had finally been open to his narcissistic and manipulative ways and I realized that I had just had enough.

I finally realized that NOTHING I could ever do would ever be enough for him. I've become a better person, I've become a wife and a MOM... I've helped so many people, I've authored 3 books... the list goes on. The fact of the matter is that he is holding me hostage to my past. He is judging the best version of me against the person I used to be-- there is nothing I could ever do to prove that I am so much better than what I was.

There was some awful things said to me that I was so shocked that this person claiming to be my FATHER spoke to me... one of our family friends told me that in no way, shape or form was this how a FATHER was supposed to talk to his daughter.

Through much prayer, counseling and guidance, I made the decision to not communicate with him any longer. This has brought SO MUCH PEACE to my life. While it was hard and painful, I know I did the right thing.

Especially when my pregnancy was announced to him, he showed little excitement and pretty much never asked about him my whole pregnancy. THAT alone was enough to discontinue speaking with him. I REFUSE to allow that kind of behavior into my sons life. He is SO worthy of people who truly love him and I will never allow him to feel any of the things I have felt from that person.

Gosh, that was a lot of info. I know this is getting long but it is so important to what I want to share.

I have been singing "Goodness of God" to my son. I've realized recently that the second verse has brought more light and meaning to my heart within the last year... "I've known you as a FATHER, I've known you as a friend... and I have lived in the goodness of God."

2024 was hard. But it showed me so many things.

-That GOD was my true father. My earthly figures have failed me. Which makes sense because they are not perfect and they were destined to fail at some point.

-I'm enough just the way I am. There is nothing that I could ever do that would land me outside of the Grace of God. I don't have to work at earning the Lord's love-- he IS the TRUEST Father--- he loves without condition.

-I know I'm not perfect. I've made MANY mistakes along the way. But the kind thing about God is that when we fall, he does NOT kick us while we are down. He gently reaches down to lift us up. Because of the Lord's kindness to me in this area, I've been able to recognize my shortcomings and carry them with much grace. This has been so foundational as I grow in Him.

-The love of the true Father is like nothing I've ever experienced. I think it goes back to another point I made, but you know how many times I have FAILED in my life? I made choices that were displeasing to Him... I know there have been times I didn't honor him in the right ways. But GOD.... I forgot what verse it is-- one of the Timothy's I believe but it says something like-- "Even when we are unfaithful- God is still faithful." Even in my ugly sin... God has chosen to REDEEM my life. I'm not the same person by far. But I sit here thinking who am I that with such sins I've committed, that God would still be FAITHFUL to give me the desires of my heart?

So, all this to say...

At the end of the day, people will always fail us.

Even family. Even parents...

But, the Lord of the universe is the one that has never failed and He WON'T STOP now. He sings over us when we are broken and to the world seems far beyond repair.

He wears many hats and I love that about Him.

Best Dad I've ever had.

"The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

[cripticmotherfucker]

Tw childhood abuse

I don't think my dad was ready to be a parent. I don't think he was hurtful to be hurtful. (Didn't make it any less hurtful). I honestly don't know if he ever will be. Maybe if he would've gotten diagnosed with autism and not married my mother he would've had a chance. But he wishes he was a good parent. He thought he was doing it for my own good. Especially because that's what my mother told him. And my mother is extremely controlling.

However my mom should've never and should never be a parent. She never wanted the best for me she wanted the best for her. She just wants to be liked. For everyone to beleive she is good. She didn't want to actually be kind and still doesn't. She still refuses to have any sort of guilt. I'm not sure she cares if hurting people us wrong or not.

I don't think they should've ever been together. Or stayed together. My heart aches for my dad often. It's complicated because it still hurts he still hurt me and what he did was wrong. But I also think he saw himself in me. And he didn't know what to do about that and just did what everyone else told him would be for the greater good.

I might be wrong and I might just be being mentally ill about it and wanting to see something good in something that wasn't. Or to make it hurt less but idk... my dad isn't perfect but atleast he's tried to make up for it. He actually comes and helps.. sometimes.. and tries talking to me and checking in and doing what i want to do. my mother just gives me hush money so that I don't make her look bad. Because she knows I will because I have tried before.

[ventingbin]

Just to clarify, my family was never perfect, or good, it was… decent.

I don't remember ever having a celebration for my birthday, good grades, or my little accomplishments of the time, none of my sisters (8) or brothers (2) seemed to have them either.

Ever since I was little, I knew my mom wasn't to be disturbed if it was not important, since she had not only to take care of us & the house, but had to go around churches and other places to get us food, clothes and stuff, since my father was an alcoholic who did not care less about how we lived.

He wasn't present much, at least not sober, and while he wasn't the physical abusive kind, he sure was manipulative, over jealous and toxic, going to the point of not letting my mom go out with friends, talk to people he didn't knew, and even got her pregnant once every three years (when the last baby was already big enough) since she was 15 to prevent her from just get up and run.

They fought a lot. My mom would scream, cry, throw stuff at him, and he would just be like "why are you yelling at me? I didn't nothing wrong, you're so emotional" and say sorry with the most infuriating smile I've ever seen.

Well, one day, my mom had enough, I think around the time the 9 kid was born, and just kicked him out and say it was over. He got up, took his tuff and leave, going to a rancho (house made out of iron planks, almost inhabitable)in a relative's back yard.

She would take us there every Sunday so we could still see him, cause she was that good of a person, and idk what she think we felt (maybe thought we missed him? But we're only happy to visit him cause he'll give us nice food) and after a bit of acting miserable and promising he'll change, my mom let him back in our house.

He did, in fact, not change. At least not immediately. Took years and years of fights and my mom's mental health before he gave up beer, started helping around the house, actually caring about us, even taking us to the hospital when we where sick (he didn't do that unless we we're dying or throwing our intestines out. And our healthcare is free) and got us a nice house that my mom chose.

And everything went downhill again in my younger sister 15th birthday.

They invited my older sisters and their families, and also that one relative who helped my dad. She came with his children and the party started, everything normal until, almost at the end, my dad decided to be an imbecile and started dancing with her (those songs you have to move your ass against other person, or be very close together) Infront of my mom and the whole family.

She keeps calm till the end of the party, when she start fighting him for it and his drunk ass tried to defend himself. None of the two wrent to sleep till 6 am, just arguing. But things settled over time and my mom seemed to have forgotten about it.

Then mothers day came around.

Again, they throw a party, families and that fucking whore i have to call relative came, with all her children this time. And then, when everybody was already drunk, my father and her decided my mom hadn't had enough stress for his lifetime and start getting really close. Huge fight, my mom's in thears, i could hear her voice even when I was in my room.

She tries to leave with us (the 6 children that remain in the house) the next day, with the eyes red from tears and huge eyebags under her eyes. My dad, getting again into his old habit of not recognizing when he fucked up, tried to downplay everything and convince her to stop and just forget it.

Then, the older of the sisters, the one she birthed at 15, came to try reasoning with her. She gave her a whole rant about "all men think with their dicks and will cheat no matter what, my husband is just like him, but you just have to accept it, don't ever let him interact with any of your female friends again, don't talk to him about them, and maintain a double life so he doesn't cheat on you. I did it! It's easy! " like that's normal relationship advice.

Anyways, realizing that none of her siblings would let her stay at their house with the six of us, and knowing she hadn't nowhere to run, she has to accept it and swallow the rage.

Two days ago, when I was coming home from school, I see the children of that relative all scattered around the house. I go to my mom.

" child services got em here" she says " their mom would have a trial soon, and they likely end up in an adoptive home, they (child services) ordered that we, as their only family with a house, take care of them till then"

And I'm like, alright. I saw this coming. She went clubbing even after one of his children had to get hospitalized for an accident, she was obviously not a good mom. I was ready to, uncomfortably, wait till they had to go without saying nothin.

But then, this motherfucker whore came in, sat at our table like she has done nothing, and gets a plate of food. She didn't cooperate with money, she didn't even brings forks, acting like we had to take care of her like the other children's.

AND. MY. MOM. LET. HER.

I was rabid inside. I wanted to fucking smash the plate on his face and cut her throath with the shards. How dare she?!? Why was nobody doing anything, acting like she was a friend of us?!?!?

I'm so fucking territorial, i couldn't even tolerate my sisters boyfriends eating with us, even if they were nice people. I feel so weird having strangers at my house, that is supposed to be my safe space from the world. Eating, going to the bathroom, doing laundry, i can't do nothing if there's people staying over. I just stay in my room all day, feeling paranoid.

When it's someone i hate, like this bitch, it's even worse.

She stays for the night, sleeps in the bed sofa, right next to my room (that didn't even have a door so I had to know she was there, for the whole night)

I was about to go crazy. I cried to sleep that night, and wasn't until four am, without tears left, that I could hypnotize myself to sleep.

I got up the next day, today, and she's gone. I thought "oh, maybe she realized how fucking inadequate was to beg for a place to sleep exactly to us, huh?" But no. At nighttime, about to get dinner, she shows up and claims a plate of food, like before.

And I'm fucking pissed, enraged, with the blood boiling and also wanting to cry, cause i hate her so much. Almost as much as I hate my dad. And I want to kill her, kill me or just stop existing, cause she just ruined the already weak and barely standing family I had. I just want that whore to die already.