ventingbin

[ventingbin]

Just to clarify, my family was never perfect, or good, it was… decent.

I don't remember ever having a celebration for my birthday, good grades, or my little accomplishments of the time, none of my sisters (8) or brothers (2) seemed to have them either.

Ever since I was little, I knew my mom wasn't to be disturbed if it was not important, since she had not only to take care of us & the house, but had to go around churches and other places to get us food, clothes and stuff, since my father was an alcoholic who did not care less about how we lived.

He wasn't present much, at least not sober, and while he wasn't the physical abusive kind, he sure was manipulative, over jealous and toxic, going to the point of not letting my mom go out with friends, talk to people he didn't knew, and even got her pregnant once every three years (when the last baby was already big enough) since she was 15 to prevent her from just get up and run.

They fought a lot. My mom would scream, cry, throw stuff at him, and he would just be like "why are you yelling at me? I didn't nothing wrong, you're so emotional" and say sorry with the most infuriating smile I've ever seen.

Well, one day, my mom had enough, I think around the time the 9 kid was born, and just kicked him out and say it was over. He got up, took his tuff and leave, going to a rancho (house made out of iron planks, almost inhabitable)in a relative's back yard.

She would take us there every Sunday so we could still see him, cause she was that good of a person, and idk what she think we felt (maybe thought we missed him? But we're only happy to visit him cause he'll give us nice food) and after a bit of acting miserable and promising he'll change, my mom let him back in our house.

He did, in fact, not change. At least not immediately. Took years and years of fights and my mom's mental health before he gave up beer, started helping around the house, actually caring about us, even taking us to the hospital when we where sick (he didn't do that unless we we're dying or throwing our intestines out. And our healthcare is free) and got us a nice house that my mom chose.

And everything went downhill again in my younger sister 15th birthday.

They invited my older sisters and their families, and also that one relative who helped my dad. She came with his children and the party started, everything normal until, almost at the end, my dad decided to be an imbecile and started dancing with her (those songs you have to move your ass against other person, or be very close together) Infront of my mom and the whole family.

She keeps calm till the end of the party, when she start fighting him for it and his drunk ass tried to defend himself. None of the two wrent to sleep till 6 am, just arguing. But things settled over time and my mom seemed to have forgotten about it.

Then mothers day came around.

Again, they throw a party, families and that fucking whore i have to call relative came, with all her children this time. And then, when everybody was already drunk, my father and her decided my mom hadn't had enough stress for his lifetime and start getting really close. Huge fight, my mom's in thears, i could hear her voice even when I was in my room.

She tries to leave with us (the 6 children that remain in the house) the next day, with the eyes red from tears and huge eyebags under her eyes. My dad, getting again into his old habit of not recognizing when he fucked up, tried to downplay everything and convince her to stop and just forget it.

Then, the older of the sisters, the one she birthed at 15, came to try reasoning with her. She gave her a whole rant about "all men think with their dicks and will cheat no matter what, my husband is just like him, but you just have to accept it, don't ever let him interact with any of your female friends again, don't talk to him about them, and maintain a double life so he doesn't cheat on you. I did it! It's easy! " like that's normal relationship advice.

Anyways, realizing that none of her siblings would let her stay at their house with the six of us, and knowing she hadn't nowhere to run, she has to accept it and swallow the rage.

Two days ago, when I was coming home from school, I see the children of that relative all scattered around the house. I go to my mom.

" child services got em here" she says " their mom would have a trial soon, and they likely end up in an adoptive home, they (child services) ordered that we, as their only family with a house, take care of them till then"

And I'm like, alright. I saw this coming. She went clubbing even after one of his children had to get hospitalized for an accident, she was obviously not a good mom. I was ready to, uncomfortably, wait till they had to go without saying nothin.

But then, this motherfucker whore came in, sat at our table like she has done nothing, and gets a plate of food. She didn't cooperate with money, she didn't even brings forks, acting like we had to take care of her like the other children's.

AND. MY. MOM. LET. HER.

I was rabid inside. I wanted to fucking smash the plate on his face and cut her throath with the shards. How dare she?!? Why was nobody doing anything, acting like she was a friend of us?!?!?

I'm so fucking territorial, i couldn't even tolerate my sisters boyfriends eating with us, even if they were nice people. I feel so weird having strangers at my house, that is supposed to be my safe space from the world. Eating, going to the bathroom, doing laundry, i can't do nothing if there's people staying over. I just stay in my room all day, feeling paranoid.

When it's someone i hate, like this bitch, it's even worse.

She stays for the night, sleeps in the bed sofa, right next to my room (that didn't even have a door so I had to know she was there, for the whole night)

I was about to go crazy. I cried to sleep that night, and wasn't until four am, without tears left, that I could hypnotize myself to sleep.

I got up the next day, today, and she's gone. I thought "oh, maybe she realized how fucking inadequate was to beg for a place to sleep exactly to us, huh?" But no. At nighttime, about to get dinner, she shows up and claims a plate of food, like before.

And I'm fucking pissed, enraged, with the blood boiling and also wanting to cry, cause i hate her so much. Almost as much as I hate my dad. And I want to kill her, kill me or just stop existing, cause she just ruined the already weak and barely standing family I had. I just want that whore to die already.