#my crash dummy

[redspacewriter]

moodboard: nico tarantelli

“if slowing down means getting to marry you— i’ll do it.”

[charliemwrites]

Part 5 of Mister(s) Steal Your Girl

Long awaited, but no Johnny smut just yet. Soon, I promise. (And Kyle will be back. It's been so long since he's gotten to smooch our dear reader.)

Also! A little reminder than you can check the queue to see what I plan to post for next. I try to update it often as the worms wiggle. Next I plan to do the final chapter of Greater Bad. (Unless I get my not-so-secret, no-longer-a-surprise oneshot out first)

Lastly! Please note that I wrote the "posts" from his perspective. So inconsistencies with the actual story and any grammar/spelling errors were purposeful or for "authenticity".

Content: Brandon.

r/CakeEater _OnBrand_ I asked my fiancé for an open relationship before marriage. It worked. A while ago I posted on r/adultery about the affairs (yes, multiple) I was having behind my then-gf’s back. We’d already been dating for ~4 years and I was seeing one of my coworkers (my “work wife”) regularly and one of her coworkers on and off. People on my other post were critical and called me all sorts of things like selfish and pig. I know it’s not traditional, but I genuinely don’t think I could ever be satisfied by one woman. My work wife (Rachel) and fiance’s coworker (Lucy) provide things my fiancé just can’t but I still love my fiancé. She’s the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. When I posted on r/adultery I was trying to figure out how to propose without her finding out. I knew she’d expect me to help with stuff and possibly want to look at my phone more often. It would have been harder to sneak off to meet up with Lucy or Rachel with wedding planning and I was sick of being stressed she would find out. Some nicer people on the post suggested I ask for an open relationship. I took their advice and sat her down to sell the idea. It’s a good thing I’m so good at sales (top 3% in my company for 5 years in a row) because she agreed. Yes, actually agreed. At first she got kind of pale and her eyes got really big and blank. I thought for sure she was about to start crying and run off. Maybe even kick me out. She doesn’t really get angry but she gets upset and it freaks me out. After I explained everything about how good it would be for us though, she agreed. This is my official unlimited hallpass. I’ve been seeing Rachel on weekends and Lucy once or twice during the week for drinks. Tonight I’m going to sign up for every dating site I can. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. If anyone has other suggestions, I’ll check those out too. Fiance has been kind of off but I think it’s just an adjustment period. Sometimes I can tell she’s been crying but she hasn’t come to me about it so she’s probably just being emotional about all the changes. At least she’s got our house to focus on while she gets used to things. I feel a little bad about running out every night but she’s just so mopey and sad all the time and it’s not enjoyable to be around. I know she probably feels like I’m abandoning her a little but once she starts getting back to normal I’ll spend time with her again. You really can have your cake (all the cakes heh) and eat them too. Edit: no, I never told her that I already had Lucy and Rachel and I’m not going to. What good would it do? She’s already agreed to an open relationship and telling her that I didn’t have permission first would just hurt her for no reason.

Kyle’s been gone for two (long, lonely) weeks when he finally gets a chance to call. So far, he’s only been able to send scattered texts at odd hours. Always something sweet – telling you he’s alright, or that he’s thinking of you. Sometimes you even catch him for a brief exchange before he apologizes and “goes dark” again.

Not that you begrudge it. This is part and parcel of dating him and you knew that going in. You’re not complaining when he’s putting his life on the line so that the public can live in blissful peace.

That doesn’t stop you from missing him though. His hugs, his smile. Getting his voice - even roughened by distance - is a nice compromise though.

“How have you been holding up, chickadee?” he asks after the initial reassurance that he’s whole and hale. 

“Easier this time!” you answer proudly. “I know what to expect with you gone and Johnny’s good company.”

“Yeah?” he asks, sounding pleased.

You can just imagine him now, leaning his hip against the nearest surface, arms crossed over his broad chest. He tends to duck his head when he smiles, and you unintentionally grin to yourself, thinking of him hiding into his phone. God, you miss him. 

“Mhmm! We found a board game bar that you’re going to love. Oh, and we’re going to the Hay Festival this weekend.”

He hums. “I’m sorry I can’t be there to take you, luv, but I knew Johnny would be good to you.”

More than good to you, really. There’s not been a day he doesn’t call to check up on you - if he doesn’t see you in person, that is. Dinner, movies, coffee. He’s somehow both a gentleman and an incorrigible flirt, but only with you. He’s nothing more than polite to anyone else, keeping his focus on you and whatever the two of you are doing.

You don’t know what to do with the undivided attention. If you didn’t know better…

“You two are getting close,” Kyle observes.

“I think so,” you admit, then hesitate. “Is… that okay?”

“‘Course, luv. I’m glad.”

You blink. “You are?”

“He’s my best mate and you’re my best girl.”

An odd pang of anxiety pierces your chest. Johnny calls you that too. His “best girl.” You love hearing it - but maybe you shouldn’t?

“It… doesn’t bother you? That we’re spending so much time together.”

He snorts softly, but it’s not derisive. It’s a noise he makes whenever he thinks you’re being silly, but his voice comes out soft and warm. Not an ounce of condescension.

“No, baby, I’m not fussed. You spend your time with whoever you want, however you want. Yeah?”

Your chest floods with warmth. “Okay.”

“There’s a love. I’ve got a brief, so I have to go. I’ll call soon as I can.”

“Be safe, Ky.”

“Do my best. Give Soap a smooch for us, aye?”

You blink as he hangs up. That’s a new one.

You ponder over it while packing on Thursday night. Was it just a joke? A tease at the little crush you’ve developed for Johnny?

Because it is a crush, you know it is. It’s impossible not to be attracted to him. Not with that smile, that laugh, the goofy humor and sweet mannerisms. He still sends you flowers every few weeks - just as the previous ones are about to die. It’s so thoughtful; you’ve started feeling a bit warm every time you look at them.

But you feel greedy, being even remotely interested in anyone else. You have Kyle and Brandon (even if you two are going through a… patch) and that should be enough for you. Shouldn’t it? You’ve never been with more than one person at a time before; it took you weeks to shake the compulsory guilt when you first met Kyle. It feels almost unforgivably audacious to want Johnny too, especially since he’s Kyle’s best mate.

Still… Kyle’s not a jealous or passive-aggressive guy. You’ve been with him long enough now that you know he’d just tell you outright if he was unhappy about something. And he’s been with you long enough that he can surely tell you’re more than a bit fond of Johnny.

Maybe that’s why he made the joke about “smooching” him.

Regardless, you want to talk to him about it. Things always make sense when you think out loud to him. His levelheaded and practical approach to difficult topics always straightens your panic spirals out into neat lines.

Plus, it’s not as comforting to hold your own hand. (God, when is he getting back?)

“Where are you going?”

You blink up at Brandon, folded pajamas in hand.

“The Hay Festival,” you answer.

Speaking of - you slip past him into the bathroom. He doesn’t follow, rooted to the spot spinning his phone around in his hands.

“Alone?”

You snort. “Of course not, I’m going with a friend.”

The allergy pills are at the bottom of the medicine basket beneath the sink. You really need to organize it the next time Johnny’s too busy to hang out. There’s no way you need three bottles of paracetamol. 

“I need that suitcase.”

You toss the bottle in and pivot for the dresser. “What for?”

He shifts, eyes sliding away. “An… overnight.”

Ah. That’s what he’s calling it now?

You snatch a few (too many) pairs of underwear from the dresser.

“Just bring them here,” you say over your shoulder.

There’s a long, tense beat of silence but you’re too busy rummaging for socks to break it first. Will it be too warm for thigh-highs? Eh, you’ll go with the sheer ones; the little lace roses match one of your dresses anyway.

“Bring who here?” Brandon asks slowly.

When you turn, he looks paler than usual. You shrug, trying to project casual comfort.

This is a totally normal and reasonable conversation to have. Just a couple in an open relationship, discussing a stranger coming to the house for a shag. Nothing to make a fuss over.

“Whoever you need the suitcase for? I know you’ve had people over before anyway, and I’ll be gone all weekend.”

He stutters, color returning to his face in bright pink blooms. “Why do you think I’ve had people over before?”

You arch an eyebrow. “I do the laundry, remember? And there was lipstick on one of the wine glasses.”

That had sent you into a tizzy at the time, disgusted that some stranger was in your bed, with your fiancé. You washed the sheets twice on the hottest setting and tossed in a bit of bleach for good measure. Hadn’t been able to look at him the whole week - not that he was there much to not look at.

Now, though, you seem to have adjusted to the idea, even if you’re still not thrilled. Brandon can have his… whoever over, and you’ll goof around with Johnny in Wales.

“Just toss the bedding in the wash afterwards,” you add.

“I thought you do the laundry,” he sniffs.

“I’m not traveling all day just to do chores when I get home,” you answer. He does a double take like you’ve started speaking a new language. “You’ll be here all weekend, I’m sure you’ll have time.”

He opens his mouth, and you can tell already that he’s about to argue - though you don’t really know what about. It’s not like he can’t do laundry or dishes, after all. He lived alone before you moved in together.

Thankfully, his phone distracts him before he can form the words. He spins away to tap at the screen and shuffles out of the room, shoulders till tense. You go back to packing and teasing Johnny about the amount of hair gel he’ll bring.

Friday afternoon can’t come fast enough. Even though you’ve taken a half day from work, the few hours seem to drag. You’re practically daydreaming about the food and drinks, music and activities. There’s a baker’s dozen art stalls you want to check out as well, and a gift to pick out for Kyle…

“Hope yer thinkin’ o’ me when ye make tha’ face.”

Your head snaps around so fast, you nearly give yourself whiplash. Johnny grins down at you in all his casually handsome glory – ripped jeans, green tee, and brown boots. Angels are singing somewhere, you think. Or maybe that’s just your nosy coworkers ogling from their own cubicles.

The reality of him sinks in a moment later and you leap up from your cushy chair – and right into his arms. He’s like a furnace compared to the cool, conditioned air of your office, a welcome source of warmth for your chilly fingers.

“What are you doing here?” you giggle. “Who let a rowdy guy like you in?”

He smells like bergamot and pine. It takes active thought to resist pressing your face into the crook of his neck. It looks cozy there.

As always, he squeezes you a bit tighter just before letting go.

“Hey now, Marcy’s a discerning lady. She knows a fine gentleman when she sees one.”

You snort, belied by the smile curling your lips. “She may need new glass then.”

“Och, don’t go talkin’ poor about my second-best gal now.”

“Is it that easy to get in your good graces?” you scoff, glancing at the time on your computer. It’s later than you expected; no wonder he came up to retrieve you. You spent so long daydreaming that you’ve lost track of time.

“Aw don’ be green, dove, you’re still my number one. Send ye flowers ‘n all.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Yeah, and now I’m wondering just how special that is.”

He stands close, proclaiming his case for how obviously special you are while you shut everything down for the weekend. You’re only half listening to the bit, admittedly. Mostly just basking in your excitement for the mini road trip and the weekend to come. You have no doubt that it’s going to be fun, even if it would be better with Kyle along too.

“Where are you headed off to?” Lucy asks.

“Hay Festival,” you answer shortly.

You’ve never been a big fan of Lucy, but lately she’s been insufferable. Talking over you during meetings, leaving you out of emails, throwing away papers at the printer. (Okay, you haven’t seen her do that last one, but you know.) Worst of all, she can help but make backhanded comments about every flower delivery.

“You’re not taking Brandon?” she simpers. “Something wrong?”

“He’s hanging out with a friend this weekend too,” you correct, “and he doesn’t like hay.”

“Shame that,” Johnny adds, sounding like it’s not a shame at all.

You haven’t told him much about Brandon – but you’re sure that Kyle has. From the face Johnny makes the rare times your fiancé comes up in conversation, he doesn’t think much of Brandon.

“Have fun you two!” your manager, Selene, calls.

You wave and shoot Lucy one last, unimpressed glance before stepping onto the elevator with Johnny.

r/CakeEater _OnBrand_ My fiancé is going on a weekend getaway with another man. I’ve posted in r/adultery and r/cakeeater before. I’m not looking for judgement or insults here. I really just want advice.

A little context: my fiancé and I are in an open relationship and it’s been like this for a few months now. I originally asked her to ope the relationship and for a while she was weird about it but lately she’s been getting sbetter. I thought she was finally getting used to me going out with other women and things were getting back to normal.

A few weeks ago, I noticed she was on her phone more. Like, all the time. Even at dinner when she used to be really picky about phones at the table. One day I came home from work and she was talking on the phone to someone. Giggling and laughing. When I turned the corner she was kind of blushing too. It kind of bothered me but I figured she was talking to a friend and just hot from cooking or something.

Lucy texted me pissed off one day, asking why I was sending my fiancé flowers but not her. I told her I hadn’t sent any flowers. I think they’re way too expensive for how long they realistically last and that they take up a lot of unnecessary space. But I thought it was weird that someone was sending my fiancé flowers and got kind of uncomfortable. That’s a pretty romantic gesture and her family isn’t the type to randomly send flowers either.

I tried taking her out on a date but she was all mopey again and turned her phone to ‘do not disturb’ so I wouldn’t even see if she was texting someone. We don’t have much to talk about now. I love her but she’s not a good storyteller or into very interesting things. All her ‘funny stories’ are just mundane things that happen during the day. We’ve run out of interesting topics about because we’ve been together so long. (That’s why I like having more than one partner.)

Yesterday she randomly started packing for a trip. I don’t even think she was planning to tell me until I asked her. She was packing a bunch of cute clothes too. Like dresses and tights and things like that. Stuff she only used to wear on our dates. I asked who she was going with and she just said ‘a friend’ which is weird because she would usually say the name of someone even if I don’t remember who they are.

Well today Lucy sent me a picture of my fiancé leaving her job with some guy. I couldn’t see his face because he was turned away, but I could see the side of my fiancé’s face and she was smiling at him. I got this awful sinking feeling in my chest like it was hard to breathe. It took me a few minutes to process that she’s going away for a weekend with a complete stranger.

Doesn’t she know how dangerous that is? Where did she even meet this guy? They’ll be gone all weekend so are they sharing a room? A bed? I nearly threw up thinking all these things as I called her.

I asked her to cancel her plans and come home. She seemed confused and reminded me that her plans were with someone else and it would be rude to ditch last minute. I told her I wanted to spend the weekend with her and that I’d been missing her. She seemed surprised and said that she’d see me on Sunday night, but she was looking forward to the festival with her ‘friend’ and wanted to go. As a last ditch effort I asked if her friend was more important than me, nearly begging at that point. She must have heard the desperation in my voice, but she just told me that she was already on the road and it was too late.

My fiancé doesn’t like lying but it’s hard to believe this guy was just a friend. Even if she sees him as a friend I know how men think and I doubt he sees her the same way.

She said some other weird stuff before she left about having someone over while she was gone. I don’t get it. How could she just casually invite someone else into our house like that? Has she had other people over? Is she dating now?

I’m not sure what to do. I don’t like that she put this trip over me. Should I talk to her about how bad this makes me feel? Should I call again and tell her to come home more forcefully? Am I blowing all of this out of proportion?

Edit: she doesn’t know that I’ve been seeing Lucy. I haven’t told my fiancé about any of the women I’ve been seeing. (mostly just Lucy and Rachel. I’ve done a lot of texting through apps and gone on a bunch of first place, but most women don’t put out right away and I usually can’t be bothered to get to know them better). Even then, I wouldn’t tell her about lucy. They don’t get along and never have. It would cause a lot of unnecessary drama.

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[kaleidoru]

down for maintenance

[got-the-cool-shoeshine]

sierra susie

[slimynematode]

ode to sierra sam

[swallowtail-ageha]

This is what having hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome feels like

[ghostinghome]

silliest webtoon ever

(technical difficulty’s under cut)

i STRUGGLED so bad against clip studio tears were shed and for some reason when it crashed it turned yumi into analog horror

[dykedvonte]

Reading MW takes on Twitter is like reading a summary of the Bible from someone who only watched like a Family Guy family special about it

[x-heesy]

𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚋𝚢 𝙶𝚘𝚍

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚠𝚎’𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚜𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚎, 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝚈𝚘

𝙿𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙴𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚑

𝙶𝚘𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙳𝙹

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙷𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚠𝚎’𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚜𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛, 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝚈𝚎𝚜, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕����-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙻𝚊-𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊, 𝚕𝚊-𝚕𝚊 𝚕𝚊

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚠𝚎’𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚜𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚎, 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝 𝚞𝚜

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝙰𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙸 𝙳𝙾𝙽’𝚃 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝚋𝚢 𝙳𝚒𝚎 𝙰𝚗𝚝𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚍, 𝙶𝚘𝚍

[madderruz]

they're so funny to me

[weaveandwood]

I downloaded the Native Camera Tweaks mod because I can't figure out the free cam everyone uses and uh...this is fun.

Also I can't be left alone with this, there will be so many Gale booty shots.

Bonus Auroria because ....look at her she's gorgeous

[charliemwrites]

Part 4

Mister(s) Steal Your Girl is, somehow, now the official title. Congratulations you little shits (affectionate).

Content: Toxic Behavior, Brief Weight Shaming, Hurt/Comfort

You didn’t expect to see Johnny much after that one night - or possibly ever again. Kyle introduced you two, it was a lot of fun, but you figure that’ll be the end of it. Like introducing a new man to your girlfriends (not that you can really introduce Kyle to yours) you passed the vibe check and now Kyle will keep you and Johnny separate.

That’s how it’s been with Brandon’s friends. (Granted, you don’t really care for Brandon’s friends. And you figure it’s mutual based on the “uptight” comments they pretended to think you couldn’t hear.)

You’re starting to realize that Kyle is always going to subvert your expectations.

Johnny becomes a fixture - a welcome one. While you and Kyle still have your date nights and privacy, Johnny joins you two at least once a week for movies, drinks, dinner, or just silly adventures out and about.

You’re surprised that you don’t mind. Johnny is fantastic company, always respectful, funny, and friendly. Whenever the two of you are left alone, there’s no dead air. In fact, sometimes you could almost swear there’s electricity. Which is… well. It makes it hard to look him in the eye sometimes - and looking at Kyle even harder.

Guilt nips at your stomach until one of them distracts you with another story you’re 70% sure they shouldn’t tell you.

You and Johnny play a game with pub napkins, doodling something on one folded half, then passing it over for the other to scribble on the second half. The trick is not cheating and seeing the first half, then unfolding it to a complete (and usually silly) picture. Gaz always gets to name whatever monstrosity has been created.

You get a month of that good company. Then Kyle sighs at his phone one night.

“Shipping out again,” he explains when you glance at him.

“Will you be gone long?” you ask, shifting.

His brow furrows. “Not sure. They can’t tell us much over the phone.”

You hum in understanding. Still new to this whole military thing, the redacted danger of it all, but you think you’re getting the hang of it. At least, Kyle never seems annoyed when he can’t answer you, only apologetic.

“Is it gonna be the whole team?” you ask.

“Nah, just me and the cap.” He rubs his palm along your calf, a gesture that you suspect is self-soothing rather than for your benefit. “Probably not too dangerous, then.”

You make a noise of protest, nudging at his thigh with your foot. “Bad luck!”

“Sorry, sorry!” he chuckles, tapping his knuckles on the wooden end table. “You’re right.”

You crawl from your side of the couch to his, nuzzling up under his arm. He trails kisses along the side of your face as you snuggle in.

“I’ll miss you,” you mumble into his neck. Still a little embarrassed to be so needy, but you want him to feel appreciated.

“I’ll miss you too, chickadee. I’ll call if I can, yeah?”

You hum in agreement, squeezing an arm around his middle.

“While I’m gone, if you need anything - even some company - you ought to call Soap,” he adds.

The idea is tempting but… “I don’t want to bother him.”

“I promise you won’t,” he laughs. You don’t know what’s so funny, but hearing his voice rumble in his chest like this is always a treat.

“Maybe,” you allow.

“We’ll take it.” Before you can ask what that means, he loops an arm around your waist and scoops you into his lap. “Now then, about my send off.”

Your giggle turns into a moan as his mouth slants over yours.

Kyle’s only been gone three days. You’ve occupied yourself with cleaning up the flat you share with Brandon. Dust has been collecting since you’ve been out and about so much - and god knows Brandon hardly does more than load the dishwasher. Besides, a good bit of spring cleaning is a pleasant enough distraction, humming as you toss out old things to make more room for the new stuff you’ve been collecting.

“Good to see you getting back to normal,” Brandon says cheerfully. You glance up from the laundry you’re folding. He continues, “I was worried with how behind you got on things, but I knew you just needed some time. I told you this would be better for us both.”

You try not to let that sting. Even if things are better now, and continuing to get better, you can’t forget the pain that lingers from the beginning.

“Tell you what,” he adds, hands in his pockets. “When you finish cleaning up, I’ll take you out to the pub, yeah? Put on something pretty.”

You perk up, pleasantly surprised, though hesitant.

“We could leave earlier if you helped,” you point out, hoping for more than just dinner. “Maybe we could walk in the park or something before eating.”

He gives you a weak smile. One you recognize more than his real one by now. It’s almost apologetic, but not quite.

“I would but I’m bloody exhausted from this week, ya know? Big projects coming up at work.”

Your smile freezes. “And some late nights, I’m sure,” you try to joke.

He doesn’t laugh like you expect, but gives you an odd look. “Why would you say something like that?”

Baffled, you shrug. He shakes his head.

“I’m going to take a nap, come wake me up when you’re ready to go.”

You manage to finish the majority of your to-do list by 5. Shower, get dressed, do your hair and makeup with Brandon snoring in the background until 6. By then, he still hasn’t woken up from his nap, so you perch on the edge of the bed and gently nudge at him until he stirs.

“I’m ready to go, babe,” you murmur.

He scrunches up his face - you spare an affectionate thought for how cute it is. You’ve always found it cute.

“Five more minutes,” he grumbles.

You laugh a little. “It’s getting late, we should probably head out.”

He groans. “Five. Minutes.”

You huff in amusement and reach for his phone to set an alarm, but pause at all the notifications from dating apps crowding his screen. There are… a lot. And as you’re looking, a new message pops up, just labeled “blonde” with a peach emoji. Gross.

You set the alarm and slip away to the living room.

It takes him another half hour to finally rouse, shuffling into the living room with a groan.

“C’mon,” he yawns. “It’s going to be bloody crowded by now.”

You follow him quietly to the car, knowing he’s not chatty when he’s just woken up. Hunger only adds to his mood; you can practically see a cloud forming over his head. By the time he pulls up to the pub, he’s downright grumpy. He grumbles about shit parking, and the milling people outside. It looks busy.

“We could go somewhere else?” you suggest.

“This is fine,” he says.

He parks a block away and starts at a swift pace. You try to hold his hand, but halfway there, he pulls away to check his phone and doesn’t take it again.

Surprisingly, it’s only a twenty minute wait for a table - but Brandon sneers something like “of course it is” under his breath. You smile apologetically at the hostess and usher him away.

He doesn’t talk during the wait, at first. Until suddenly he blurts. “We wouldn’t have to wait if you’d woken me up.”

You blink at him. “I did. You asked for five more minutes.”

“Well, why didn’t you wake me up then?”

“I set an alarm?”

You don’t know why he’s so irritated, just that he seems tired and hungry.

“You know I don’t listen to alarms,” he complains, scowling at the sidewalk.

“Okay… I’ll wake you up next time,” you offer.

“Yeah, next time.”

Thankfully, the two of you are called a little early. The pub is indeed loud and crowded, and you’re definitely overdressed. But at least you know what you want - Brandon’s taken you here a million times before.

Wisely, you wait until he’s downed the texmex rolls before trying for conversation again. He hums along as you talk about work, about the books you’ve been reading, about the new movie you saw last week. You think it’s going pretty well, catching up on each other’s lives, when he interrupts you mid-sentence.

“Where was this?”

You frown. “At the grocery store…?”

“You’re still on that? Thought we moved on from that story.”

You don’t bother finishing it, just ask him about his work. It’s like pulling teeth. A lot of “good” and “busy” and “same as usual.” By the time your entree comes, you’ve given up, not sure if you want to cry or just walk away to see if he even notices. He keeps checking his phone. Your fingers twitch to text Kyle, but you don’t want to bother him while he’s working.

The end of dinner can’t come sooner. You decline dessert when the server asks.

“Probably for the better,” Brandon tells you lowly when they’re gone to get the check. “I think you’ve put on a bit of weight. You know how you get.”

You probably have - Kyle has a sweet tooth and practically begs you to split desserts with him. Johnny’s shares his food with you now too, grinning when you express approval for whatever high-protein dish he’s picked and shoving more at you.

As for “how you get”… Brandon’s mentioned in the past when you were heavier that you get mopey, aren’t much fun to be around.

(A small part of you wonders how that would even effect him at this point. He doesn’t spend enough time around you to notice if you’re mopey. Is that why tonight has been such a disaster…?)

You just collect your purse and lead the way out of the pub. It’s a quiet walk back to the car, even though Brandon seems to be in a better mood. He’s still texting, nearly bumps into an elderly couple along the way.

Back at the apartment, he runs his hand down your side, tugs at the lace hem of your shirt.

“Careful,” you chide.

He sucks his teeth and drops his hand. “I’m just trying to be playful.”

“I know, but I like this shirt.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’ve got three just like it.”

You don’t answer, know it’ll lead to more useless bickering. Just tug the stupid thing over your head, ready to go to bed.

“Hey now, that’s more like it,” he drawls, fingertips running down your spine.

You jump, surprised, but play it off that his hands are cold. He makes some crass comment about warming them up, reaching for your breasts, and your stomach churns.

“I-I think I ate something bad,” you lie, all but sprinting for the bathroom.

You close the door behind you - but don’t lock it. Just sit on the floor, the wall cold against your back, while you try to breathe through your spinning, conflicting thoughts.

He’s finally giving you attention, affection. Why aren’t you jumping at this opportunity to spend time with him? Not long ago, you would have been weeping with joy to have an iota of your normal relationship back. Maybe you really did eat something bad.

“Hey,” Brandon calls through the door, “I’m gonna stay somewhere else tonight.”

You stare at the blank white wood, aghast. “But I’m sick.”

“It’s not like I can do much, is there? Except listen to you be sick all night,” he reasons. “And who knows. Maybe it wasn’t something you ate. Maybe it’s contagious. I don’t want to spend the weekend ill.”

Your eyes burn. He didn’t even open the door to check. “Yeah,” you agree, voice robotic, “you’re right.”

Not even five minutes later, you hear the front door close. That almost, almost does you in. You manage to keep your lackluster dinner down, but not the tears.

You let yourself be pathetic for a few minutes, crying into your arms, folded over your knees. When you finally manage to get yourself together, it’s not Brandon you ache for. It’s Kyle. It’s not possible, you know. You just don’t want to be alone even though the nausea is dissipating.

Sighing, you remove your ruined makeup and wash your face, climb into one of Kyle’s jumpers. At least it still smells like him. It’s only as you’re trying to decide on a comfort show, huddled into a ball on the couch, that you remember his advice.

It takes all of fifteen seconds of debate before you scramble for your phone.

I know it’s late, but are you free, you text Johnny.

A response comes almost immediately.

Always for you, lass. You bite your lip on a tiny smile, already feeling better. Your phone buzzes again. What’s up?

Your thumbs hover over the keyboard for a moment as you figure out what to ask - then how to ask it.

Would you want to come to mine for movies? I don’t feel good…

He answers instantly again. Ice cream not-good or Theraflu not-good?

You sniffle when you remember that being sick was a dealbreaker for your night with Brandon.

Ice cream not-good, you reply.

Say no more, hen. Be there in fifteen. Pick a good one.

You watch TikTok’s until there’s a knock at the door. Upon answering, you’re swept up in a bear hug that lifts you off your socked feet.

“Johnny!” you cry, laughing a bit in shock.

“There she is!” he crows, swinging you around. “Been missin’ my best girl!”

You tell yourself the thrill in your stomach is just from him setting you down. (It’s a harder sell when it happens again seeing his wide smile and warm blue eyes.)

“You're ridiculous,” you huff, “I’m not your best girl.”

He arches his eyebrows. “Oh, yer keepin’ track, are ye?”

“C’mon, you must have a partner or something?” you prod as you usher him inside.

“Kyle must’ve told ye, hen, it’s hard in this line of work,” he explains, shrugging. “Tried before but… usually they just end up feeling neglected, ya ken.”

You hum. That’s why Kyle said you and he would work so well with the open relationship - that you’d still have someone at home while he was out. That you wouldn’t be alone if something happened to him.

“Anyway, this is no kinda talk for a cozy night in, now is it?” Johnny says, cutting your melancholy musing short. “Come look at what I brought ya!”

You only notice then the two grocery bags in one hand. He herds you to the couch and sets them on the coffee table for you to root through.

“My favorite!” You exclaim when you extract the tub of ice cream.

The grin Johnny shoots you is proud. “Kyle said so.”

“You two,” you sigh happily.

He’s also brought a squishy stuffed animal, crisps, popcorn, soda, candy, and a small collection of self-care items. You hold the face-masks up with a questioning smile.

“Heard somewhere that it’s good for ye, when yer feelin’ down.” You try not to giggle when the last word comes out sounding like “doon.” He continues, blissfully ignorant. “Hope that’s the right shite, there was a lot to choose from.”

You throw your arms around him, chest warm. “Thank you, this is perfect, Johnny.”

He circles his arm around your waist, holding you close. “Anytime, bonnie,” he murmurs into your hair.

You squeeze his shoulders as you pull away, waving one of the mask packets with a wicked little smile.

“Wanna try this ‘shite’ with me?” you tease.

You expect a resounding and masculine-heavy no. Instead, Johnny tilts his head consideringly for a moment, then shrugs.

“Eh, why the hell not?”

You wake up the next morning to a mess of candy wrappers, discarded moisturizers, and an empty carton of ice cream. And the smell of eggs. Cartoons are playing quietly on the telly. When you yawn and sit up, you’re greeted by a cheerful Johnny at the stove, wearing your pink apron.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” he calls.

You flush and smile back, glad that you called him. “Mornin’!”

First | Previous | Next

Masterlist

[rozahline]

tuna bazooka

[candyandmeat]

Artfight 2024 part 1! Here's to the start of posting my attacks of this year 🥂

(In order of appearance, character name then og artist name on artfight and tumblr if they have one.)

FunkyTown! by Kreekin

Haneul by Monsieur_Baguette

The Nutcracker by Akumanorobin ( @artkumanorobin )

[roychewtoy]

impaled

[xiphiaarts]

Messy Starscream doodle