#my childhood is dying
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MATTHEW PATRICK THE GAME THEORIST IS RETIRING MY DAD IS LEAVING
#IM CRYING SO MUCH I HATE EVERYTHING#WEEPING SO HARD#idc if you hate him idc about the silly internet hate of matpat that is my FATHER#✦#my childhood is dying
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exCUSE ME?????????????????????????/
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Do you remember running? The purity of the air around. / Im a child humming into the clarity of black space.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#jean vicquemare#harry du bois#they all had uniquely sad childhoods I think#Kim raised in a moral intern/delorian orphanage with all the other chidlren who’s parents were killed by the very same inst.#Jean was treated like he was diseased for the scaring left by the pox#he grew his hair out to hide behind but that only brought on a new type of bullying#Harry was so hard to picture as a child!#it made me very sad to realize he’s unrecognizable without all the damage from years of alcohol abuse#as for his sad childhood we know he was in gangs with boys who all ended up dying young#my art
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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Started thinking about how Dick lost the two most important people in his life at the age of 8 and since then death has never left him. It's just so heartbreaking because it will never stop affecting him. He can't stop caring, he can't possibly stop loving the people who enter his life no matter how high the chances he'll lose them too are. He could lose his whole family, all his friends ('s been close both, even if some eventually came back) and yet he would never stop welcoming people in his life because his heart is just so big and he has so much love to give.
#yeah yeah I know this could apply to a lot of dc characters#but dick grayson lives rent free in my head so you'll have to deal with it#dick grayson everytime he starts caring for someone#death: it's been a minute!#his parents#his closest friends (plural)#his brothers#his childhood home and family#his second dad#who's next dc? the love of his life?#man even people he just happened to know casually end up dying and he blames himself for it#dick grayson#nightwing#dc comics#dc
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childhood friends danny and jason miscellaneous thoughts: because why not, i'm reworking ch2 because it no longer fits with the remaster of chapter 1 so i've been thinking of them, and i love talking about them. which you should totally go read the remaster because its 26k words and im very proud of it and it barely got any attention.
First off Ellie vapes. Mostly because I think its real fucking funny. The first time Danny finds out about it he gets all up in arms about it. Ellie at first thinks its because she's smoking -- which, helloooo pot meet kettle, Danny has been smoking for a lot longer than she has.
And then he throws a curveball at her and says he's upset specifically because its vaping. Like no, no. Dammit, if you're gonna fuck up your lungs you gotta do it properly, none of this cotton-candy flavored nonsense.
He plays it up for laughs and it's largely non-serious 'i can't believe you're using a vape', if only to hide the fact that he is genuinely displeased with his little sister smoking. Self-destructive behaviors and bad habits are his thing, thank you very much.
But, well, he knows he'd be a hypocrite if he told her he didn't like that she was smoking. He's aware its bad for him, but habits are hard to break and he's not particularly keen to break this one in particular.
Danny bullies her relentlessly about it whenever she vapes in front of him. Like don't be a loser, Elle, carry a carton of cigs and a lighter in your back pocket like the rest of us degenerates.
[more under the cut]
Secondly: Danny's piercings? He got the first lobe piercings as a lost bet from Sam in junior year, and they did it in her room with a needle, a small bottle of blood blossom extract, and an apple. He broke out in hives for a week after thanks to the blood blossom, but it prevented the hole from healing up :)
He got the rest done professionally at a piercing place in the Ghost Zone. He asked Johnny where to find it. Sam and Johnny (and Kitty) nearly convinced him into getting snakebites. He got an eyebrow piercing instead.
Danny's undercut is also self-done, he did it because Technus shot at him with an ectoblast and it missed hitting him, but set his hair on fire. Danny got it out pretty quickly, but it left his hair lopsided and obviously looking like it got burned by something. He went to Sam for help after the fight. He liked the way it looks so he's kept it that way since.
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Vlad brought up Jason once(1) in a taunt during a fight, and this was after Jason disappeared from the ghost zone, and Danny very. very nearly killed him on the spot. He hasn't done it since.
Which leads into the other thing: Grief Triggers! As I call them. All Banshees have them in this au.
While all banshees are, in general, in a permanent state of grief, Grief Triggers are a specific emotional response that can cause them to spiral into a state of intense, sometimes debilitating sorrow, and most of the time causes them to start wailing.
Banshees know what their Grief Triggers are and in general tend to try and build up a form of resistance against it so that, if something occurs that happens to trigger said grief, they can at least either get away from other ghosts to let loose or have enough control over themselves that it'll take more work to send them spiraling.
As expected, Jason is Danny's grief trigger. He's built up a pretty good resistance to it so that hey, talking about him and his death is easier than when Danny was fourteen. But a little more prodding and it will trigger, especially depending on who brings him up and how. (See: Vlad)
Grief Triggers also manifest relatively the same; with the induction of an intense state of grief and sorrow, but how a banshee acts on it can sometimes vary. Again, it depends on who triggers it and how. Some of them can get,,, violent, depending on how it happens.
Rath, this au's 'Dan', is a case of a banshee being put into the grief state caused by grief triggers and... never really leaving it. Which they usually do on their own, or with help depending on the severity of it.
At the time it happened Danny was going through the worst week of his life a second time: his best friend's ghost disappeared, then his family and friends all died right in front of him, and then he was stuck with someone who wasn't helping him through that grief.
He was already in the grieving state when Vlad tore out his ghost half. As a result, Vlad only made it worse. With that fury thrown into the mix, Vlad ended up getting torn apart and nobody else was close enough with nor could they get close enough to Rath to help him come down from the wailing state.
So Rath ended up getting stuck in a perpetual negative feedback loop of absolute misery, and well... drove himself insane. The rest of the world became collateral as a result.
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the difference between Danny and Jason lies in the fact that Jason died, while Danny is dead.
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I'm having more thoughts on the CFAU/TMWS universe banshees, actually.
Banshees are either born in the ghost zone from ectoplasm and are ecto-entities and work as banshees as how we know of them, or they're human spirits that died mourning someone and that grief was so intense that it turned them into a banshee. They're a little more rare.
These banshees typically mourn only one person, or sometimes they follow their Realm-born counterparts and choose a family to mourn for. Typically their own.
Ember is not a banshee; human spirit banshees are always mourning another person. However, her abilities emulate certain qualities of banshees: like the beautiful singing. But in comparison to an actual banshee, Ember's voice pales.
Does this mean Danny has the better singing voice? Yeah. Ember is incensed by this.
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If canon Danny and CFAU/TMWS Danny met, I think canon Danny would be kinda unsettled or off put by CFAU.
CFAU Danny still has some pretty core Danny traits, at least I like to think so -- his general drive to help people just out of compassion for them (even if it manifests differently at first due to trauma), his wit and humor, his fear of failing to protect his loved ones, all of those resonate with canon Danny.
However, canon Danny, as far as I can remember and as far as his wiki goes, rarely gets extremely angry or emotional. He gets irritated and he gets annoyed but him getting mad I don't think happens super often. CFAU Danny is the angrier one between Jason and Danny. It's one of the things I consider a division point between him and canon Danny as it's a result of him growing up in Crime Alley. Canon Danny is canonically shy and meek prior to becoming Phantom, CFAU Danny couldn't be -- he'd be dead already.
CFAU Danny's anger would off put canon Danny, in my opinion. His anger, his smoking, and for lack of a better term, his bloodlust would unsettle him.
Like, for example, say CFAU Danny gets transported to a canon (or canon-adjacent) Danny's universe. He's staying with canon for a little bit as they brainstorm how to get him back home, and CFAU Danny goes to school with canon if only so that he's not stuck in the house all day.
Whether they try and pass CFAU Danny off as canon's cousin or if the town already knows that he's another version of Danny, it doesn't matter. Because insert Dash.
Dash who, in CFAU Danny's world, has since learned not to fuck around with Danny or the other kids because Danny has long since asserted that he will beat his ass if he does. 'Fucking around' always predates the 'finding out', and Danny is happy to act as consequence.
(As my father told me (paraphrased) when I was a small child and full of uncontrollable anger: "there's gonna be a day where you're gonna hit someone, and they're gonna hit you back")
And canon Dash, who is used to canon Danny who kinda just takes it because it means that he won't target other people, would see CFAU Danny. He'd notice the resemblance between him and canon, immediately try and go "oh new target!", and try and bully him the same way he does to canon. And Danny "I am the consequences of your actions" CFAU Fenton, instantly throws hands.
Just, CFAU Danny is kind but he's also Gotham-raised and full of bite; he's meaner than canon is. He's more ruthless too, especially in his ghost fights. The ease of which he slips into violence would, imo, discomfort canon. CFAU and Canon would eventually get along though, they're not so different that they'd be in constant clash of each other.
(Canon Danny and Danyal Al Ghul however,,, thats another post LMAO)
#cw smoking#cw vaping#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dead on main au#childhood friends au#cfau#dpdc#ugh i could have made this two parts probably#i've had a lot of thoughts on banshees in this au and how i could adjust them#what i didn't get into: the ghostly behavioral affects that danny has gone through since dying. the ghostly mood swings and#heightened emotions that he's had to work through for the last five years.#one of my favorite lines in the remaster is danny mentioning offhandedly that he's gotten better at his mood swings ever since being a ghos#but also implying that vlad has been on the receiving end of these mood swings before and it didnt end well for him#like yessss gurl go through permanent irrevocable changes of your physiology and psyche that has ultimately altered you from the person you#used to be. you are now no longer fully human yess gurl pick up those habits and behavioral changes that is common in the species you've#been turned into even if its only halfway.#iirc i don't think i included obsessions in this au and checking the remaster doc and the word doesn't show up once in all 26k words of it#so hey looks like we get this instead#danny's singing voice is permanently ingrained in my head as sounding like hozier#its very very funny to imagine my au dannys meeting canon danny or canon adjacent danny#cfau seeing dan: who tf is that?? | canon: um.. dan? our evil alternate future self? | cfau: THATS your evil future self??#canon: yeah?? does yours not. look like that? | cfau: NO?#look if dan saw rath he would do a doubletake is all im saying and then would go “what the fuck what the fuck what the fUCK”#turning rath into a horror movie abomination is the fun part of this au and he's never even gonna show up#jason died but danny is dead. it lies in the past and the present. the was and the is. one of us got up and the other didn't
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i think they'd be somewhat friends
#wings of fire#wof#undertale#utdr#flowey#freedom#freedom wof#shhh ik freedom is supposed to be a corpse in this context but shhhhhhh i#i didnt really#i caught it too late and it was 1 am#i aint fixin ittta#but yeah mainly dying in early childhood causing a negative outlook on life#deeming yourself and everyone as nothing but doing things for personal gain#not actually feeling much#yeah i think ive found my fav character genre#but yeag i honestly think theyd somewhat get along but not too closely#might help each other but fully know that all the fun times leads to things going one of their way#i keep thinking of flowey just pulling up with some random dragon#“whatchu got there a smoothie” core#wait i just realized if he was to replace the BoE now he has a dragon army oh no#oh no no no no no#that would be funny tho#seven human souls nah the seven tribes of pyrrhia burn and freeze everything muhahahhahaha#plus 3 of pantala#i think freedom would still lose in this situation#oh yeah also leafspeak makes this better#premaposting
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my childhood mall
#support your local dying mall#my photos#2000s childhood#2000s nostalgia#kidcore#nostalgiacore#sfw agere#nostalgia#mall#liminal spaces#liminal
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Just watched the FNAF movie.
I was always a Foxy kid <3
#fnaf#FNAF#FNAF movie#fnaf movie#no spoilers#my art#hehe dys rambles#ty scott#bringing me so many friends#memories#and the best parts of my childhood
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what kind of frivolity would you engage in, mecha?
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#mecha sonic#scrapnik mecha sonic#scrapnik island#sonic fanart#sonic fandom#arting#msab#good MORNING. i have given myself many emotions about mecha's big stupid cape. like a fool. such is the way i suppose#god ive been dying to get to this one. do you get it. do you understand#victories; if not on your own terms. achievements; if not the ones you thought you wanted. childhood dreams that never die.#which on that note yeah this is also my favorite one for showing eggman-era mecha as like#''yeah hes hes the most arrogant and murderous jackass on the planet but hes also like 17.''#& therefore kind of a lame little nerd by default. he thinks capes are sooooooo coool#we were all stupid kids once but sometimes u get older and u still wanna paint your house purple. and sometimes u still want a cool cape#it occurs to me that actual 17-year-olds may see this and to that i say: sorry. you guys are fine do ya thang.#its just that im 29 and have grey hair and shit so i have a certain Perspective on being 17 is all. & scrapnik mecha is like mid-30's to me#i knoooowwww he loves his big stupid cape so much. look at the refsheets with his dumbass spines poking holes through the the hood#tell me he has not made a COMMITMENT to wearing that hood despite being built in a way that makes that incredibly inconvenient#u look at nathalie fourdraine's christmas scrapniks post and tell me he isnt having so much fun#being all decorated and swishing around in that Even Bigger And Stupider Cape & shawl w/ his friends#hes so funny for that he's generally such a serious kinda character but on god he does also love some showmanship and flashiness.#i want to make it clear btw i also think capes are awesome i literally cosplay a guy with Two [2] capes.#& mecha is basically the coolest ever. but also hes still funny for that
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typical 90s cartoon Wally they could never make me hate you 🙏
this gag is the reason the show's content ID is like That on IMDb and I just think that's beautiful
#someone's moms got so mad about this benign joke I'm dying#where's waldo#where's wally#90s cartoons#90s childhood#90s nostalgia#screencap redraw#artists on tumblr#my art#my waldo
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The Asougi family :) also a page from the 180p asry dj I’m still working on. I tired make it reminiscent of late victorian family photographs! I might have gotten a bit carried away with the frame haha
#dgs#tgaa#kazuma asogi#kazuma asougi#the great ace attorney#doujinshi#marcia#ecdysis#comic art#anyway.#yes that is kazumas mom yes she is a vivid oc in my head#fuck genshin#kazumas mom is where its at#the dude fucked off for 5 years and died#but she#she was there dying in kazumas arms for like 2 years#now THATS drama#thats the shit that would leave a mark#look at my boy theres still a sparkle in his eye#rip to a childhood
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I have to thank him… for everything…
#house#robert chase#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#remember when he kissed the dying child#he was my childhood crush#but now we are just friends#him and foreman are too top tier#they are both beat by Cuddy though
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the sudden urge to write soul crushing angst with absolutely NO remorse, comfort, help, second part, reconciliation, reassurance etc etc
#nobu.nobu.chat#ehehehhehehehe thinking of who to pick as my victim#bladie? with mortal reader dying in his arms?#boothill and his past lover who died in his hands shortly after he turned into a cyborg due to his cyborg body malfunctions causing#further sefl hate for the space cowboy?#aventurine and his past slave friend who didnt make it out with him?#geoard with a ‘lowlife’ reader whonis from the underworld and his father got angry at him for meeting with an ‘underworld rat’?#ooh add childhood friends onto that#jing yuan and his mortal beloved#or a childhood friend who died
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Rose Tyler enjoyer (me) grieves the physical lack of Rose Tyler in the doctor who specials (she’s in a parallel universe and it’s literally impossible for her to ever come back)
#JUST LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OKAY SHE WAS THE ICON OF MY CHILDHOOD#IM ALLOWED TO BE BUMMED EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE NEVER HAPPENED#rose tyler#I just- I’ll never get to hear ten say the words “I love rose’’ even though he CANONICALLY is in love with her#its gonna haunt me till my dying days#like yes yes they get canonically got married and had a family and fly around in their own tardis#but I didn’t get to SEE that#so I have a little bit of a lack of closure#I need visuals#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#ig
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mother's daughter
#raven#teen titans#arella#raven and arella#i will complain until my dying day#i want more of raven and her mom#they're lorelai and rory u can't change my mind#raven's childhood
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