#my cats keep bothering me while im trying 2 draw

[mammoth-clangen]

Do you like Clangen and Sabertoothed cats? Great, me too!

My name is Pav and this is my clangen blog! <Start reading here>

Important Things

🧓 Im a '99 bby so please don't DM if you're a minor (actually would prefer no unexpected DMs period tbh, im anxious)

⛏️ I work 12hrs 7 days, week on/week off, meaning I will completely vanish 50% of the time and there's nothing I can do about it

🦘 I'm also an Aussie, so my time zone is weird even when I'm not at work (So if I don't reply, im not ignoring u! ;v;-b )

❔️Asks and Anons are turned on! Please read the FAQ below before asking to avoid repeats c:

😻 I read all the tags and replies even if I don't reply. Tysm everyone saying nice things, it makes my day ;v;

😵‍💫 My focus changes like the weather lately, so while I'm Hoping I'll be able to keep this up, please don't get Life Or Death Invested c':

Tags

#mammothmoon -all chapters are tagged with this

#moon (1/2/3/etc) -each moon is tagged by number, and in-character asks from given moons

#mammothask -asks sent to me (will also tag who asks them)

#mammothfanart -art of my silly sabercats by other blogs, tysm!

#mammothref -character references (or possibly species refs if i make them eventually)

#paleo stuff -anything where I'm nerding about paleo biology etc

#ooc/#Pav chatter -Pav updates about Pav! or asks directed to me

#blood/gore/animal death/etc -tagged straight as is if you need to block them!

FAQ

This will be added to as I get more asks and replies to go off!

How often do you post pages?

I try for at least once every 2 weeks, as I spend 50% of my life in the outback with no ability to draw!

Where/ when is Mammothclan set?

In late pleistocene North America, around 12ka ago, during the Younger Dryas!

What species are the cats?

They're Homotherium serum, a scimitar toothed cat.

How paleo accurate is this setting?

Relatively accurate? There's not going to be any species out of their time and place, but I'm not super bothered by, say, exact plant species and how realistic certain story aspects are.

Can I ask the characters' questions?

You can, but I can't promise to answer all of them!

Are we allowed to include characters as cameos/ draw fanart?

Yes definitely absolutely!!!!

You are also welcome to change them to regular cats if that fits better cx (please don't humanise them though, I find that specifically very uncanny)

What mode are you playing on Clangen/ what toggles?

Expanded mode, mass extinctions on, cheating on, "pregnancy ignores biology" off, unknown second parent pregnancies off (bc in my trial run every queen was constantly spawning kittens at lightspeed, no ty)

How far ahead are you from the pages you've drawn?

Currently 40moons ahead, cause I like playing the long game with foreshadowing >:3c

Where do you download Clangen?

Here!

Could you elaborate on/ explain content of (page/panel/speech bubble) that confused me?

Sure! If something is unclear, but it seems like it should be explained, please ask and I'll make sure to clarify c:

Can you tell me about (character backstory/spoilers/ aspect of lore not touched on in comic yet)?

No! I don't want to spoil those kinds of things, I'd rather they come up naturally in the comic than dump them under an ask.

I'm a firm believer that if it doesn't happen in text, it's not cannon.

[biscuitdetective]

001 Gudaobe >:3c

sorry I tried to reign it in a bit but this is long af lol

When I started shipping it if I did: august 2021, shortly after the lb6 epilogue originally released. I actually hadn’t read the chapter at the time but I read the summaries and thought the ship was probably cute but not particularly deep (fgo master x literally any servant is usually easy mode shipping after all), but when I actually read the chapter I went completely insane about them, and have been insane about them for over 2 years now.

My thoughts: I really like the way Ritsuka starts as a pretty standard and kinda bland almost self-inserty protagonist in part 1 but then in part 2 they very clearly have something wrong with them and their head is extremely Not Okay, and I like the idea that Oberon (and Castoria as a fellow fairy eyes-haver) is one of the only ones that can fully see that. Everyone knows Oberons a liar, but hardly anyone knows Ritsuka has been lying for a while now (about a lot of things, but particularly about being Normal and Okay). The garden of lost will part in lb6 is so, so good.

But I also like how it can also be very unserious because while I like a lot of the angst stuff I also like (/draw)the dumb shit where Ritsuka is just no.1 Oberon simp who does anything he asks because he’s so pretty.

What makes me happy about them: Oberon is extremely miserable and I like to think Ritsuka does make him happy even if he can’t show it, especially since when he’s in Chaldea he’s allowed to just…be? (As opposed to in lb6) I wouldn’t call him a tsundere because the dynamic isn’t quite that but I like how far he has to go out of his way to help Ritsuka in as roundabout way as possible while trying his best to look like he isn’t (the summer event is exactly this). ALSO they are very very cute Ritsuka is like a fluffy dog like a japanese spitz or something and Oberon is a Siamese cat, this is a 10/10 dynamic.

What makes me sad about them: depending on the interpretation of summoning Oberon is either stuck in the abyss forever while a copy of him with the same memories is in Chaldea, or he is saved from the abyss only to have to eventually return there at some point and tbh I don’t know which is worse. also the material book casually noting Oberon would come to ‘accompany’ Ritsuka if they called for him while they were dying, that hurts so good 🥲

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have to admit here I don’t really read fanfic but I do read/collect doujins. I don’t like the rapey stuff although tbh it’s way more common with obeguda (one reason why I’m not into it for the most part). I don’t like either of them being sadistic and cruel to eachother for no reason. mostly I don’t really like minibe being lewded, he’s obviously the same character and all but he looks like a weird baby so it can get uncomf visually. I don’t care if people are into that but I can not count the number of times I’ve been jumpscared by it in a pixiv log lol.

things I look for in fanfic: I’m a big dumb idiot masochist and keep buying doujins that look like they will make me cry and then I’m all surprised pikachu face (crying version) after I read them. But I also like dumb gag stuff…and im a sucker for the AUs where they just live together and hang out and be cute and goof off with Castoria, I don’t care that it’s ‘boring’, every time I see it I react like it’s the first time.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: for Ritsuka I’d say Saito Hajime, while I don’t bother to seek it out I do look respectfully at hajiguda if it appears on my feed. For Oberon I don’t ship with anybody else, but the closest thing is that I do really like the tragedy that is him and Blanca (especially since it’s typically one-sided) Blanca is canonically in love with him but according to the material xiii book, she’s (potentially) a cursed princess who isn’t actually a moth, which fascinates me. I also like the theory that she was Titania all along.

My happily ever after for them: Oberon gets granted incarnation as a human by the grail after Everything is Fixed and they live together and also Castoria is there I’m a simple man I’m sappy I eat doujins like this up

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: oberon isn’t a spoon he’s a cat, when he has decided on his sleeping position ritsuka isn’t allowed to move ever

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: I like when they hang out in the welsh forest in the simulator with all the bug fairies. They’re with Castoria a lot too. Oberon is allegedly a good dancer, and whether he actually enjoys it or not, I like to think he does when he does it with them. Maybe he teaches them. 🥹

[pr0ject-shad0w]

don't mind me im just gonna-

*evolves*

*evolves again*

[weasleypogues]

fight club (p.h.)

request: hii can i request smth angsty with pope ? maybe it could end well for both the reader and him but overall it’s just filled with angst and slow burn and tension ? ty xx

ofc lovieee!!! loving this pope recognition finally!! :)

this will be a two part becuause this was longer than i expected!!! part 2 here!!!

masterlist.

you literally felt like you could not sit still. anger was pulsating through your veins as you paced back and forth on the porch of the chateau. you also felt the piercing eyes of pope follow you back and forth as you struggled to form a cohesive sentence.

“it’s just- ugh! she can’t get away with this! she thinks because she’s a kook that i’ll be begging for her forigveness and shit like i’m a starving peasant just to save my reputation! i’m a fucking pogue, i don’t have a reputation to uphold!” you spat as your hands clenched together so hard you swear you were going to accidentally draw blood from your palms.

vanessa was a kook that you never had problems with when you were kids because you two had a friendship that was secretive and playful because of opposing groups. it wasn’t until middle school was when she ditched you, similar to kie and sarah’s relationship. thankfully for them, they sorted it out. however, vanessa was bitter and bitchy every chance she could get. 

“yes (y/n)! keep it fiesty! i wanna see you win a good cat fight.” jj egged you on.

“you’re gonna make yourself go crazy if you don’t just sit down.” pope spoke in a sterner tone than you would have expected. but as the rage filled you from vanessa, pope’s tone was not helping. you felt a tinge of hurt in your chest as he expressed his clear stress and annoyance with you. but you weren’t going to let it go that easily; not in this state.

“i’m fine just the way i am, thanks.” you responded just as passive-aggressively as he did. you literally had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes so you wouldn’t egg this on, because the last thing you needed was for pope of all people to be on your bad side. 

you heard him scoff from behind you and his footsteps faded away. you spun around so quickly, maybe even too quickly to play it cool, to just see a flash of him as he turned the corner. your eyes flashed to john b, kie, and jj who had expressions that were just as shocked as your own.

“what’s his problem?” you asked, expecting an answer real quick before you had to go investigate it yourself. your teeth grinded against each other and you felt your face and ears go hot. 

“he probably just doesn’t think this is worth it (y/n/n).” kiara stated, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and giving you a look that said don’t let it get to you. kiara shared a quick glance with john b and jj, which definitely did not go unnoticed by you.

“w-what was that? that little look you three shared?” you asked pointing your finger at them interchangeably and confused but angrily eager to find out. you raised your eyebrows, expecting another speedy answer as you finally turned towards jj who held his hands up in defense and bit his tongue. 

“cut pope some slack. you’ve been looking for trouble lately (y/n), it’s been keeping him on edge each time.” john b responded and slapped his hands on this thighs before getting up off the couch. you felt your cheeks get a little hot and your jaw drop slightly.

pope was trying to be protective of you. this was not a secret that you and pope were always flirty with each other but neither of you ever acted on it. both keeping the same sad mindset, if they wanted to, they would. everytime you talked about this with kiara and sarah at a girls’ night, they playfully judged you for thinking like that and tried to encourage you to just go for it. 

you took a deep inhale and relaxed your shoulders and face, feeling the tension ease up on your body. “she’s asking for it...look i don’t want to make pope upset or anything but vanessa can’t keep pulling this shit. she’s asking for her teeth to get knocked in.” you huffed out as you grabbed your backpack and phone to hop on your bike and head home. 

--

your grabbed your phone and backpack as you headed back outside to your bike. you didn’t even bother to text the rest of the group about catching a ride to tonights kegger because you were just a little fired up from earlier. they were your friends and if this were any other case, they would be backing you up. why is this time any different?

you’re recalling yourself getting ready. stud earrings because she can grab hold of hoops. your hair in two braids because there was less surface area for her to snatch onto. sneakers to make a run for it in case shit gets bad. 

what the rest of them don’t understand is that not only was vanessa mean, spoiled, and made your existence on the obx difficult, was that you had a bumpy past with her. more than just losing a friend. she made up a rumor based on fake ideas that she overheard her parents talking about. when she would run into you on the street with her other kook friends at the ripe age of 13, she would be a bystander as they spat insults your way. that always caused a strain in your friendship. 

until one day, she started the picking on first. she judged you on your family’s financial situation and said quote-by-quote “i heard her mom cheats on her dad with all of her little pogue friend’s dads. who knows, they could actually be related and we wouldn’t know. she’s a whore and i’m sure she’ll end up just like her.” tears still brim your eyes at that memory. you wouldn’t dare tell the rest of the pogues, whether it was out of embarassment or fear. it was best for them and their own minds that it was never brought up again. since then, it seems like constant torture from her. 

you pulled up on the beach and hopped off your bike as your tires were definitely not made for the sand. you laid it on a tree and made a b-line to the keg that john b was basically guarding. “thought we’d hear from you.” you heard kiara state as she sat on the sand and glanced up at you, squinting her eyes to keep the remaining sun from basically burning them.

“yeah well, just got a lot on my mind.” you responded. you didn’t want to be so abrupt with them but your blood was basically boiling with the idea of vanessa. john b stared between you and kiara and handed you a full red solo cup which you gladly took, taking a gulp.

“soooo...” jj started, throwing an arm around your shoulder, “cat fight tonight?” you felt a chuckle rise out of you as you playfully rolled your eyes.

“if you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll get front row.” you joked, sending a smirk jj’s way and taking another gulp. you felt a presence behind you and turned to be faced with pope. his facial expression had clearly changed from what you saw from him last time. he looked almost guilty and concerned rather than aggravated. 

“come to snap at me again?” you said, turning towards the horizon on the water. looking into his eyes right now was difficult. maybe because it was the idea that you knew some part of you wanted to snap at him for him snapping at you earlier but you couldn’t make another enemy. not tonight. 

“about that...can i actually talk to you for a minute?” pope muttered, instincitvely cracking his knuckles, clearly scared to tread on water. you felt your shoulders relax and your facial muscles follow suit. placing your drink and backpack on the ground you followed a few paces behind him, closer to the sand where the tide was rolling in. although he didn’t stop, he wanted this to be a walk and talk situation. 

you strolled beside him, both of your hands slightly brushing against each other every now and then. while neither of you took initiative to grab the others’ hand, neither of you pulled your hands out of that pathway either. that connection and touch felt nice. it was reassuring that his snappiness, along with your own, was out of love and protection of each other. 

“you won’t be happy with what i’m about to say...” pope started, basically holding his breath.

“so why say it, pope? i know it sounds bad to say outloud but, why not just let me fight her? she has made my existence so unbearably difficult on this island and has slandered my name and countless others of those i love too much and for too long. i’m sick of being a pushover and letting her get away with it because of mommy and daddy’s money. im done!” you blurted out, letting more info out than you expected. “why does it bother you so much? if this was topper and john b going at it, or rafe and jj? which keep in mind, both have actually happened, i’m sure you would be more hesitant to stop them.”

your strolling came to a sudden halt as pope took a step directly in front of you, face to face. he looked longingly into your eyes, somewhat darting back and forth between your own eyes to search for an answer to his questions or even an answer to yours. 

“(y/n)! i can’t see you get hurt. i know how badly you want to do this and how much it means to you but in the end, what is it going to get you? an even worse reputation among kooks, bloody nose, and a black eye? is it worth it?” pope rambled drasticaly. 

“it is worth it! and i’m so thankful that you care about me and my well being and everything in between but this is something that i have to do. once and for all. i’m not putting myself and everyone i love through this torture anymore. and if that means beating the shit out of her and getting a bloody lip and battered up on the way, than so be it!” you responded, using your hands quite animatedly throughout the performance. the waves seemed like the loudest thing on earth as you awaited an answer from pope. he looked defeated and anxious, knowing that there was no getting through to you for this. 

“i-” pope started before cutting himself off, looking deafeated yet again. he ran his hands over his face in frustration and as he let his eyes shine over the tips of his fingers, they locked with yours. you felt stuck in place and in a trance for a split second before you felt a pair of hands on your waist and soon enough, you were lip locked with pope. 

instantly you pulled away, your heart feeling full and your legs feeling limp. your hands made their way to his jawline, slightly caressing his cheeks and neck as you pulled him back into the kiss, elongating it. 

he pulled away, shocked yet proud with himself. you could not help the small smile that made it’s way onto your face as your cheeks felt hot immediately. “i can’t believe i’m saying this but...fuck it. beat the shit out of vanessa.” 

the small smile grew as a laugh escaped your lips. you were quick to grab his hand as you both made your way back towards the kegger that was becoming a little more dense as the minutes passed. sarah, kiara, jj, and john b’s eyes were quick to fall on your interlocked hands with pope. both of you kept quiet, playing it nonchalantly. but you couldn’t help but notice pope’s look to john b and jj, all with smirks lined up on their faces.

part two out later!! :) 

[robinrequiems]

I cant help but ask for gender bend jondami as another clishe :/

I know ur packed wt asks so you can take as much time you want for it uwu IDK why I love clishes so much aaa

angry short lesbian and tall happy lesbian:

• mmm crop top damian wayne

• dami ( it can b a feminine / gender neutral same so yay ) wayne; Robin. Josette ( or josie 4 short ) kent; supergirl

• jason at one point shouted: LETS GO LESBIANS! when dami and josie were just walking peacefully

• but yk, it had to get ruined

• harley & ivy cheered them on when they were getting handcuffed and taken back to Arkham

Harley: remember when we were that little?

Ivy: I didn’t know you when you were that little, harley

• when they started dating, it was very much a huge shock. their styles are way different. and they just.. don’t seem compatible with the way they argue like little kids even at 16

• fem dami so wears a suit to galas, she says f gender norms, she rarely wears skirts

• but fem jon wears skirts cause she likes how flow-y it is

• dami wears a lot of josies crops and sweater, mainly bc she likes how big it is on her ‘cause tall icon josie

• josie looks like a sweet, innocent country girl pls

• AAAA genderbent au with cheerleader josie and loner dami rambles? yuh

• josie was apart of the beloved cheerleading team, flipping around and soaring through the sky like she was flying ( which she did on a frequent, but she loved this )

• dami actually taught her how to flip and do a lot of other cheer moves, dami normally sits in on practices to help jon go through it on her own

Josie: why don’t you join cheer?

Dami: ew. don’t disrespect me like that

• dami barely has her hair down, it’s normally up in a bun, braid, ponytail, etc, but with a few strands down her face

• josie is still a farm girl, rough hands, even though she likes skirts and all that, she does wear a lot of overalls and jeans

• I know that supergirl kara wears a skirt… but. no. josie still wears the superboy get up w/ the ripped jeans, sweatshirt, & red shoes ( but her hairs up in a ponytail or pigtails ). dami wears the exact same uniform

• dami normally keeps her hair short, longest is a little past her shoulders, she just doesn’t vibe with long hair, josie does whatever josie wants, if she wants to have hair long, she does, but sometimes she chops a lot of it off just for fun

• they put makeup on each other sometimes, just playing around with it, Dami taught josie how to apply makeup and got her everything she needed ( foundation, concealer, bronzer, blahblh blah )

• dami wears a lot of knee high boots, combat boots, & canvas shoes to draw on

• josie wears the same red shoes everyday until they break or get ruined ( lois hates this )

• dami.. accessorizes.. a l ot. she has a whole jewelry box full of it, she wears anklets

• josie loses earrings, she doesn’t bother w/ jewelry

• stephanie and cass are the ones who have to handle Dami’s “girl” problems because Bruce has no idea what to do, and talia was busy being a badass

• fishnets under jeans dami!!!!!!!! Dami is pretty.. reserved? with the way she dresses, buut there are days where she just feels hella confident and wears whatever she wants

• dami was given a lot of marthas old jewelry from bruce:))))

• when dami has hair down; there are beanies involved:))

• MMMM SOFT GIRL AESTHTIC JOSIE AND EGIRL AESTHETIC DAMI 👀

• sometimes the two have a complete style swap and dami just wears a lot of bright colors while josie goes dark-ish

• dami likes having a lot of blush on her cheeks, idk, oo and cat eyeliner. she likes looking sassy

• josie barely does makeup, she doesn’t break out ‘cause life is here to make dami even more gayer for her

Josie: ooooh! you look so cute in my headband! im gonna get you one

• josie has dami try on her own clothes and things like headbands ( only thing she manages to not lose.. ) and then if they look good, whcih they normally do, she gets one for dami

• dami wears them when she hasn’t seen josie, she likes rhe headbands, but she does not want to show that josie is right ):<<<

Dami: father, richard, person whose name I forgot, dead one, female dead one, ballerina, and lighthouse, I have an announcement.

Bruce, sighing: go on

Dami: im pregnant

Bruce: i- im - so - sorry? what?

Dami: kidding, i have come to terms that I can no longer say “no home” to Josie since it is fully homo. I am also spending the night with her in 2 days. that’s all. continue your meal.

Dick: ?? Congratulations?

Jason: that’s one way to come out

Stephanie: you get i— wait am i female dead one??

Duke: ‘least you aren’t lighthouse

Tim: at least he remembered you ????

[drangues]

You can’t see it but I’m pointing and saying that you’re the one who gets me because I also love cheesy stuff. Also I’ve been a nerd over Many things in the past- Mythology, geology, psychology, computers, characters in a franchise I don’t like but I love This One Person, etc. Have I stuck with any of these things long enough to be Smart and Cool and Know A Lot? Absolutely not. But my anxiety dictates that I’ll annoy anyways. (Nyanon, 1/6)

Putting my annoyingness aside, the ones that are your favorites aren’t basic!!! They had an impact on you that makes you cherish them, and that’s important! My Neighbor Totoro is probably one of the most well known (and therefore “basic”) films they’ve released, but it’s super important to me anyways. But yes, the two of them would look adorable in the Ghibli style,,, I can even imagine them just. Dressing up as Howl and Sophie for like, a convention or something, it’d be great. (Nyanon, 2/6)

And listen he has to be doing Something with books!!! He loves them, and I feel like he’d love being able to restore or take care of them in someway, even if they are inanimate objects and it makes him feel a bit silly for being so attached. If he isn’t doing restorations or bindings, then he’s definitely a librarian. Also!!! Imagine that Kyouka’s little familiar was a gift from Atsushi,, Maybe it’s Byakko??? Like, tiny striped kitty Byakko. (Nyanon, 3/6)

I think that’d be cute, but it’s been a while since I’ve been able to watch Kiki’s Delivery Service, so I might be a bit off on how that works. And! I like to imagine that, when he’s turned into a wolf, his ability doesn’t work? Because Reasons, so he and an equally fluffy Atsushi often curl around and on top of each other, it’s adorable. Also imagine Dazai’s frustrations with his new instincts. He keeps wanting to immediately run after anything that moves. (Nyanon, 4/6)

He can’t stop chasing his own tail when it pops up, in and out of wolf form? And he doesn’t know HOW Atsushi avoids growling and making noises at Every Little Thing that bothers him. It’s exhausting and Atsushi is just vining with all of it. Anyways, onto another Scenario Concept: Atsushi getting to try out new hobbies! Because at the orphanage, all he could really do was read, but now that he’s out, he can try all sorts of things, even if he doesn’t end up staying with it. (Nyanon, 5/6)

Cooking and baking? I think we’ve already discussed that he’d Love it. Creating artwork? Not really up his alley, but he really admires people who stick with it! Singing and playing music? He’s a bit too shy to do it in front of others, but he likes listening. Just. Atsushi being able to figure what he does and doesn’t like with the help of the people around him. (Nyanon, 6/6)

ill tell you as many times as you want that youre N O T annoying im having Beef with your anxiety m8 pull UP and thank you uwu, ive been told that theyre Basic so oftentimes ill say “i know it’s basic-” to save the person from having to remark something negative about the movies SMH and im glad you find comfort in Totoro uwuwu (godammit now i definitely wanna draw atsushi and dazai cosplayers in a convention dressed as sophie and howl AAAAAAA)

atsushi very much loves books!!! kyouka would probably be chilling on the rooftop of the book store, old radio that atsushi found beside her playing some music (yes atsushi also likes to collect Old stuff and vintage stuff as well) and then she just thinks “HMMM I WANNA GO ON MY WITCH ADVENTURE NEXT FULL MOON” (which is in tWO days) and as she goes to tell atsushi that atsushi almost messes up the book hes trying fix because hes in SHOCK “kyouka? what do you mean? what should i do about the movie tickets then?” “Cancel them! im going!” *cue staring in cluelessness before snapping back into reality and scrambling after an already packing kyouka*

(i imagine that kyouka is an orphan like atsushi but she knows that her family is a lineage of witches cus she became an orphan when she was like. seven or six so she KNOWS and when she started living with atsushi he just supported her and her traditions)

and then atsushi calls the small circle of friends they have and tells them that “hey!! kyouka is going in two days!!” and theyre like oH SHIT NO WAY REALLY (i imagine its koyo, yosano, fukuzawa and lucy are the people that are in their circle of friends that see kyouka off)

while byakko is atsushi and kyoukas Cat he definitely gives byakko to her as hes crying and saying that she needs to have a friend from home before she makes new ones and kyoukas like “ill be Back dont worRY-”

KENJI IS THE BOY SHE MEETS AT THE TOWN SHE SETTLES FOR AND THEY ARE CUTE AND FALL IN LOVE IM SORRY AAAA- i just ship them okay they would be very cute

and then later on that night when kyouka is gone and everyone went home atsushi closes the book shop but then Somebody walks in and its the WITCH and they C U  R S E him and he becomes OLD and hes like “i cant let everybody else see me like this” and FLEES to try and find whoever cursed him or however he can Lift this dumb curse cause he does not want kyouka to come home to change, he just wants her to comfortably come back and fall into her usual routines without much of a shock

and so he meets Dazais Moving Castle and i imagine chuuya being the angry calcifer and akutagawa being dazais quiet but Cant Say No underling (which is so CUTEEE) and they. its just. Yes. (chuuya is smitten but doesnt which is why he gives in to atsushi so fast that it surprises dazai) either way all that drama happens and now atsushi is back with a new boyfriend (read: husband), a same aged friend, and an angry former Flame which is Not what atsushi accepted but hey, kyouka is back with a heart filled with romance so she cant be too shocked at atsushi also being in love

sorry i went on a whole tangent there

anyways, werewolf dazai!!

dazai: how do you deal with this?

atsushi, dead serious: i ignore it like i ignore my hunger

dazai: 

(wait side note do you think atsushi would unconsciously do stuff he doesnt realise that he just,,,,Doesnt need to do anymore?? like for example he’ll be like “ah i cant i gotta do all of this torturous work before actually letting myself relax” and then he’ll realise wait,,,,i Can relax now,,,why wouldnt i be able to .What Do U Think Nyanon)

PIGGY BACKING OFF OF WHAT I SAID THAT REALISATION WILL PROBABLY MAKE ATSUSHI TRY OUT NEW HOBBIES ! ! ! AND IT’S JUST SO CUTE

[thekingsparty]

so uh.. taigi’s home with us and still loves his creamy cat treats, so there’s that. he’s also drinking more already.  i will put all the cat info under the cut but pls don’t read if sick pets and ...cancer bother you. it’s grim and i’m sad enough for all of us, i don’t wanna cause too much grief in others, too. i will most likely fiddle around in photoshop for now and hang out in ims. 

so uh well, it’s not the heart. vet was super damn friendly, even checked taigi’s temp and teeth etc like you’d expect a vet to do (our other one didn’t for mysterious reasons) so that was great. he also looked at the meds etc and blood and he wasn’t too happy. ultrasound was a disaster. taigi was v fit and loud today so he howled and complained while we waited lol. 

his bladder and bowel look p good so at least he can pee and poop properly. then he went up... liver. despite the mask, you could see his face drop and part of me was hoping it was just swollen as our other vet mentioned, but unfortunatley that’s not the case. it’s a tumor. he said that there’s 2 options.. he could operate, the liver is seperated in like ..lobes and cats can continue if a lobe is missing etc. but the problem is that while part of the liver looks like the crater of the moon (tumor), the rest... isn’t quite as bad. it’s still functioning decently which is why the blood test showed absolutely 0 signs of liver issues, but the tumor is spreading slowly. so he could cut out the worst, but .. other chunks of the liver look like they’ve already been infested. if taigi was younger, he said it would maybe be worth a shot, see if the cat’s lucky, but taigi likely wouldn’t even wake up bc 18 is v old etc. so uh.. our other option is .. and i quote, “let him enjoy life to the fullest for as long as he has”. we didn’t ask how long.. it’s better not to know, it’s bad enough to know the end is nigh tbh. 

but uh, he said taigi’s not in pain cause he had to press v hard to see the liver and taigi did grumble but only bc “ew human pls let me go” and not bc pain so he said he would be very very surprised if taigi was in pain. we can try liver friendly food to support the body, but ver said he’s never met a cat enjoying the food and therefore he’d not recommend it. the meds we got against water in belly are the worst for taigi.. because his kidneys are struggling he needs more water to begin with and those pills draw all the water from his body, which is death to his organs, so we won’t do that. it explains why he’s grown so extremely weak and fragile over the past week when before he was fine despite water in his belly. 

we’ll look into vitamin b bc his liver can’t produce enough of it at this point and it would help his general condition, but other than that.. we can’t do anything. we asked vet to give him anti-nausea stuff and he also got an infusion bc he was so dehydrated and now he’s resting at home. all we can do now is enjoy the time we have... spoil him rotten.. uhhh.. yeah.. i knew he was gonna die some day and if it had been the heart, kidneys still would’ve slowly killed him, but this.. is unexpected (the blood test showed nothing.. no signs of cancer or liver issues) neither did the water, so like.. i honestly didn’t expect that. especially since our other vet said that if there’s no blood in the fluid in his belly, it’s not a tumor.. guess he was wrong on that. 

hoping now that if he’s less dehydrated, that he will grow a big stronger again. idea is to mash all his food now because he doesn’t eat meat chunks atm, but he loves creamy food when it’s on my finger. i will spend half the day feeding him creamy food from my finger if i have to. anyway.. i am trying really hard not to cry. he is v old and he’s had a great, long life so far and we’re gonna do our best to keep that up but.. deep down there was always that hope that he’s one of those cats who end up getting to 20 years, y’know? it just hurts a lot right now. 

[tits-tats-and-pussycats]

Odds!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Uhmm.. I think it was my best friend? Honestly its been a hot minute since I’ve held hands with anyone. 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

There is someone I really want to see, but I’m not jinxing myself with saying it out loud. So I’ll just say that I am looking forward to seeing my friends again,

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

I’m not sure, probably. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I mean who knows what is going to happen, I am just taking life as it comes at this point. 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Lmao no.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Plague Doctor? lmao my best friend asked for suggestions on what to draw.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

I LOVE when people play with my hair. 

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Well summer 2019 was spent working and going to school. And summer 2020 is closed because of a pandemic..soo....

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think that we can't be the only intelligent life out there. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes, bubbles, music, some nice wine and a good book

21. What are your bad habits?

Depends on your outlook on a bad habit. I don’t always speak to myself nicely, when I am super stressed or drunk I occasionally have a cigarette. 

23. Do you have trust issues?

I do. 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I hate this question, so I will tell you something I like about myself. I like the color of my eyes and the freckles on my shoulders.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker, I’m basically a vampire. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I think that this is a question that is better left between me and that person. 

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tell? 

Yes it is, I am thinking about cutting it really short though.. But I’m slightly terrified to do what I want to it.

33. Spell your name with your chin

marksss lmao well I guess I have a new name.

35. Would you rather live without tv or music?

Uhm.. I’d have to say tv. I can live without watching something as long as I have something in the background while I am doing things.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Lol if we are being honest I usually don’t say anything because I am feeling to awkward and shy to do so. Or I’ll just go “welllll......” 🤷🏼‍♀️

39. What are you favorite stores to shop in?

Columbia, 5.11, amazon, idk I don’t really shop 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? 

Yes I do and I have given a lot of second chances.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yes I do, I try to smile at everyone that I can.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? 

Well my dog because he wants fed. But also the fact that I have a job that I actually like for once. I get out of bed for my friends. And I get out of bed for myself. 

47. Have you ever been high?

Yeah I have and it was the worst experience of my life. It’s not something for me. 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

No I haven't, I haven’t had much of a life to be able to do so. 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? 

I used to wish that all the time, but now that I actually like myself I am happy with being me. 

53. Favorite makeup brand?

I don’t have one

55. Favorite blog? 

@coopuah 

57. Favorite food?

Itallian, Mexican, Thai, anything my best friend makes

59. First thing you the this morning?

Some water. I didn’t eat until this afternoon when I had a sandwich. 

61. Been suspended\expelled? For what?

No I haven’t. Was that “goody” student 

63. Ever been in love?

I have indeed been in love.

65. Are you hungry right now?

No I am not, I am more exhausted than anything. 

67. Facebook or twitter?

I don’t really care honestly, I’ll scroll on both because im bored but I don’t prefer one over the other. 

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yes I am, Killing Eve. If you haven’t watched this yet I highly recommend it!

71. Craving something? What?

Yeah more like someone. But I guess something salty would be nice too.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

I have a husky named Balto that lays at the head of my bed while I sleep. I have to have something on my bed with me now because my bed is empty without my cat that I had to put down 3 months ago. 

75. Favorite animal?

Wolf.

77. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate for ice cream. Vanilla for general flavoring in like coffees and stuff. 

79. What color shirt are you wearing? 

Not wearing one currently

81. Favorite tv show?

I have way to many honestly. Friends, Killing Eve, Grey’s Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, The chilling adventures of Sabrina, The 100. And probably a million more.

83. Mean girls or mean girls 2

Mean girls

85. Favorite character from mean girls? 

Janis Ian

87. First person you talked to today?

 A person who came back into my life.

89. Name a person you hate?

My father

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Yeah every single person who still thinks its okay to hangout and have parties together, go to the store for non-essential shit, and overall think that this entire pandemic is a joke. Stay the fuck home y'all it’s not that hard. Go out if you need to, but do it alone, go for a drive alone, go for a walk alone. The key word is ALONE. I’m not trying to be quarantined for a year and also have to wear a mask 24/7 at work because people are fucking stupid. Yeah I work in the medical field but I’m sick and tired of the dumbasses. Stay home before everything is cancelled for longer than a month. For fucks sake. End rant. 

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2-I know I’m a horrible lesbian. Aren't we supposed to have like 20?

95. Last movie you watched?

Princess Diaries 

97. Favorite actor? 

I don’t really have a favorite actor, I’m more of an actress person lmao. But I guess I really like Robert Downey Jr. 

99. Have any pets?

Yes I currently have a border collie named Rocky. He is my entire world. I used to have a cat named Abby but I recently had to put her down. 

101. Do you type fast?

About 70-80 words a minute, I guess that's fast?

103. Can you spell well?

Yeah not at all.. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? 

Yeah but it was back in the day when I went to church before satan granted me with lesbianism. 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes I have I think I was 10? I would like to go horse back riding again though

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah there is actually, but it’s something I can't talk about because it really shouldn’t be irritating me or bothering me. 

111. Do you have trust issues?

Pretty sure this question was already answered. 

113. What was your childhood nickname?

My family calls me bug. 

115. Do you play the WII?

Nope because I don’t have one

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Not unless it’s homemade 

119. Favorite book?

Harry Potter

121. Are you mean?

I mean I definitely can be but I try not to be.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Lmao no, I can barely keep white clothes clean.

125. Do you believe in true love?

I do wholeheartedly 

127. What makes you happy?

My dog, my family, my best friends, iced coffee, rainy days, being in the forest, being at the beach, cuddling movie nights, etc.

129. Whats your zodiac sign?

I am a capricorn

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Tell him that I am flattered but he knows I am a lesbian and that it will not work. 

133. Favorite lyrics right now? 

I don't really have any specific lyrics that I like at the moment, But I highly love the songs shotgun by George Ezra, honeypie by Johny Utah, anything by Billie Eilish, 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“I’m straight”

137. How tall are you?

5′3

139. Brunette or blonde?

Like am I brunette or blonde? or which one do I like the most? My natural hair color is blonde, I don’t really have a preference on the hair color for the person I am attracted to, I guess you could say dirty blonde or strawberry blonde to meet in the middle? 

141. Night or day? 

Both, it depends on the situation and what is being done. I honestly kind of like the in-between times like dusk and dawn. 

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No I am not, I tried to do it for awhile and I couldn't.

145. Tea or coffee? 

Depends on the situation and time of day. I would rather have coffee in the morning and tea at night usually. 

147. Mars or snickers?

Neither

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes I do. 

Honestly unholy shit, this was the longest thing I have ever had to do lol. 

[felidfavs]

i need to vent, big time, about work. 

ok prefacing with, i love my job, and i love my coworkers, genuinely. 

But I have a repetitive strain injury. I’ve had them before, i will continue to get them. this is a fact. i do my best to mitigate, i didnt currently have one at the time of starting working here. 

I have one, quite badly, at the moment. Theres a lot of things about this frustrating me, but least of all is the fact i have it. ok so like. my work is in production of highly specialized ceramic art. My specific station, has now cause 2 people before me to need to leave the job after attempting rehab through workers comp and it not being good enough. I will likely be the third if nothing changes. Which sucks, because this is a really nice place to work, the boss is lovely and working really hard, she gives us fair wages and benefits. we have cats. its full time thus pays well. its *good* outside of the fact its causing me, specifically, permanent potentially irreparable damage. 

I’m trying to change this. The frustrating part, is again, not the pain, or situation, itself. whats really killing me, is my coworkers. They dont care. Or they dont know how to care, or that they should, or SOMETHING. and its hard cause like. im a firm believer that no one worker should have to do any more than exactly what they are paid to be doing and all that. and i get their sides. some just dont know repetitive strain at all, and have no basis for understanding. Lots dont understand why my station is causing injury when we all do some form of repetitive motion. hell i dont either. my predecessor was a bit of a whiney over-exaggerating and lazy person by nature, and while they DID have a genuine issue, they dug themselves a hole, so some just have heard them cry wolf too much and dont take it seriously coming from me either. Another thing is a lot of them dont see why they should have to struggle to cross train and rotate jobs and make their lives difficult to solve a problem that they dont see as effecting them. it does, and would, but they dont see it. 

so here in comes the problem thats getting on my nerves. and that problem is: i need to keep breaking myself further and harder to even make any progress on getting to a place where i dont have to be broken. because none of them cooperate and are willing to assist in this endeavour they dont see as important. im on the edge of tears in pain at the end of a week and i need to go home every day and try to crunch numbers and work on the manual and draw instructional diagrams with my already aching wrist in hopes that one day, it will be easier to get them to listen and change their ways so i dont have to hurt anymore. i want to be able to text them after work and be like “hey do u know how long on average it takes you to paint a black paw?” so i can work it into my spreedsheets and formulas where im trying to make an absurdly detailed map of our work habits so i can them work on orchestrating a smooth transition in training, because thats where they are firm in their belief the company cant change. and i need it to, desperately. and im just. sick, of being so utterly compassionate and thoughtful because i cant bear to interrupt their non-work time, because they shouldnt HAVE to do work outside of work.... despite the fact its all i can focus on until im not aching from the tips of my fingers to the end of my spine. 

im just. tired of pulling the weight of all this, without even so much as a pitied glance. they treat me like im trying too hard to suck up and am just a bother and disruption to their status quo. and i try to hard to play this all strategically, to only show as much pain as i have to to get my points across so they dont get bored of it. to appeal to the ease of their work flows, to watch, quietly, to track how long things take so i dont have to bug them. to keep up with my tasks so they dont run out of work. to gently push the trainees to work faster, harder, so i dont have to, while still warning them of the dangers of this position and to keep wary of people pushing them harder. to cross train myself in any second of downtime so i can get a feel for it all for my cross training plans and so i can do more than whats killing me. 

im just. trying *so fucking hard* and its killing me. literally breaking me down. but theres no other fucking option. i cant afford to quit. i cant go on workers comp if i want to stay at this job, and even if i did it wouldnt FIX anything. im just. so stressed out. and i cant even push it off or ignore it or relax because i will only hurt longer the longer this takes

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[ikari-cat]

What are some of your personal tips in staying positive?

Hhhmmmmmmmm I’m not sure if this is regarding to something specific or just in life in general so I’ll try both!

One of the first things I do is step off online for a while, and that’s mainly due to my interests being online mostly. I then have ‘sober’ days, where I usually stay in bed and reflect on things. It’s a lot better if you have someone to talk too, I usually end up talking to myself outloud (with 'someone’ in my head) or to Azure (I’ve also noticed that a cat in my life now has really improved my positivity) but the most improvement is with my partner; just talking about anything makes me feel better.

The main issue obviously would be the environment you’re in, or work/school you’re dealing with. It’s definitely best to go out, I’ve felt much better just walking around, the best is always finding someplace new to explore (I went to a ice cream palor recently and it was the highlight during my midterms) So far this year I’ve been thinking of moving out a lot, and that’s mainly due to money issues rn, but of course I don’t have much to start off so still hoping to get a real job soon! It’s little steps, a lot to endure especially, but it’s a process! I know personally family is something I want to keep close, and while they are the reason I plan on leaving, in the end making compromises is the best solution. But of course, every family is different, so unless you’re like me who has only one person to talk to personally, then best to manage yourself! It’s very pathetic I know, but you have to put yourself first.

In terms of school/work, there’s been many times I would ask why to bother go, but since it’s the way to go by it’s just getting myself motivated enough. I know with school it’s the concept of learning something I can use (I’m a psych major so THAT’S definitely helping me) and with being a temp it was just gaining something; the most I spend on is food! So, food is definitely something looking forward too! 🍳🍗🍕🍧����

I will say this year for me so far has been bad, I had well something life changing for me that I still feel disappointing thinking about. It was 2 months spanning, and I definitely was grateful being on winter break or else I would of failed my midterms. There is also the case of my brother, I’ve mention him before and he’s really facing the worst now, and as the oldest I pretty much have responsibility over him. He’s admitted that I pretty much give him hope for moving on (I’m already tearing up lmao) so it’s really having someone care about you (especially if those you knew have stopped) and keeping up with you.

But if not those then the most I do is watch tv, I watch the news everyday and late night shows I’ve watched before; movies are always the best. White noise for me at times so I end up either playing games (slow I am yes) or attempt to draw; the slowest process. Obviously the worst would be being in bed all day, and just listening to music; I joke about it being emo but it is what I feel (im emo) so definetly take a slow process (getting up to wash up even!)

This is a mess of words god, but overall I would say just taking a breather really. Avoiding everything by just having a simple stroll, it really does wonders. Oh, something small I do is checking out some positive things here; cute things for me really do it!

So sorry if this doesn’t help 😭😭😭🙏💞

[vampire-core]

/post/161320161315 every single Fucking cmnc character. every single one. trust me dude (if u want!!!)

fucken hell yeah hyperfixation time

FRANCES

A: what I think realistically

tbh frances seems like the type of person where playin the piano is like. a coping mechanism for her?? like if shes stressed/angry/havin a Bad Time she either

a: plays a Sad Tune to angst

b: plays something AGGRESSIVE to get her anger out

c, a rare option: plays smth happy to take her mind off it

bc she seems like the person to Wallow in her own sadness tbh im guessin c is Rare but

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

frances wears horribly fucking clashing colors like. bright neon orange and the ugliest brown-green mixed and goes out like that in sunglasses

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

frances didnt have a good home and she got with junior to get Out of it and then he turned out to be a piece of shit and her life just spiraled Down

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes an agender lesbian with three gfs

HENRY

A: what I think realistically

tbh henry totally seems like hed learn to bake for nancy like. i know hes in-canon a horrible cook but like. imagine this sweetie taking secret baking lessons for like Forever and then he surprises nancy on her bday with like. a rlly nice homemade cake and they cry together :’)

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

henry is a clumsy-ass Shit so he breaks things like 384723897423894x and once he managed to break a vase nancy Really liked and she walked in on him Coated in glue and just. “what are you doing” “no nothing what nothing is broken” “henry the vases shards and glue are both everywhere” “everything is fine nancy”

also nancy being at the store and henry seeing a spider and screaming on the counter until she got home

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

henry living with the eternal guilt over taking the “wrong” choice even though there was no good choice because he either stayed in a place where no issues were being worked out or he left :^)

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

hes a trans bABY AND I LOVE HIM SO FUCKIN MUCH

NANCY

A: what I think realistically

tbh i can imagine her bein in a book club but being the Shy One who never talks during meetings

also i can imagine her learning to paint and Loving It and showing henry the paintings which show what her world is like and hes like “:00!!!”

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

NANCY SPRITING AROUND IN HIGH HEELS TRYING TO CRUSH A SPIDER WHILE SHE AND HENRY BOTH FUCKING SOB BECAUSE SHE CANT MANAGE TO KILL THE SPIDER

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

nancy living with crushing guilt and abandonment issues but hiding it because she doesnt want to bother henry and she keeps randomly crying :)))

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes genderfluid as FUCK and has a gf

BONUS: JUNIOR

A: what I think realistically

tbh this dude is fuckin Shitty and hes def the type of dude to have like 3 gfs at once but not an open relationship just straight-up cheating

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

in a modern au junior discovers furry culture and refuses to wear anything but a pigeon fursuit for three years straight

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

he left frances with more trauma than she mayb had :))))

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

hes a fuckin furry. let him be a FURRY MAKE HENRY BUFF AGAIN I THINK YOU MEAN MAKE JUNIOR A PIGEON AGAIN

BONUS: PATTY

A: what I think realistically

she has a Huge family and sends all of them christmas cards, and she only has one great-niece who cares enough to reply and visit and stuff and sometimes the neice brings her kids and patty fuckin loves kids and spoils em like a grandchild

also she sends christmas cards to her neighbors and invites them over for dinner weekly

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

she sews and she once had an awful neighbor who was a total bitch so she bought this cheap-ass shirt, fixed it up in a day, but it looked new and beautifully made and the neighbor felt so bad and patty just. >:3c dont be a bitch

the neighbor got to keep the gift tho and was Nicer and patty was :3c

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

she feels SO BAD that she didnt notice henry and nancy being missing sooner bc she ALWAYS wanted to be friends w them both and she loved em to bits

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes a trans lesbian and has a long-time wife :3c

KENNITH (this ones just gonna be kin shit but shhhh ;))) )

A: what I think realistically

if its not a school day and hes home alone kennith 100000% will Not change out of his pajamas and will yell at you for wearing shoes in his room dont fuckin touch him with your nasty-ass feet stephamie

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

KENNITH GETS SUPER DRUNK AND STARTS FORGETTING THINGS HE JUST DID AND GETTING REALLY FUCKING CONFUSED AS STEPH LAUGHS HER ASS OFF THREE FEET AWAY (based on my own experiences)

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

kennith has an ed he doesnt know how to deal with and doesnt even think is that Bad so hes just suffering :’))) can relate buddy

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

hes trans you cowards and in a qpp with steph

STEPH

A: what I think realistically

steph is Rlly skilled at punching and taught kennith how to punch but also if u rub her back she will Deactivate in .2 seconds so even if she acts tough she has a fuckin self-destruct button and its her back

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

STEPH AND KENNITH MAKING DIRECT EYE CONTACT AS THEY COME UP WITH INCREASINGLY BAD ALTERNATE TITLES FOR A PENIS

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

steph tends to put on a Happy Face bc she thinks kenniths problems are worse than hers, so she has no help and no clue how to deal with them and just gets worse and worse :’))

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

shes a fuckin lesbian in a qpp with kennith you cowards and shes genderfluid

GREG

A: what I think realistically

this man has fuckin Depression my lads and anxiety and tends to self-medicate with weed even tho he Knows its prob not the best option but i mean. hes a retail worker can he afford meds? no

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

if you do Anything greg will probably stay apathetic, and he can say most things with a straight face. he enjoys making completely filthy jokes with an unwavering neutral expression and watching people crumble

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

……………tbh hed prob think he couldve done More to help kennith after he Died but never did so i can imagine hed feel. kinda guilty sdkjfhsdkf maybe my kin ass is just hopeful

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

let him have two moms you cowards (also him and kennith are boyfs dont make the rules my kin ass is GAY)

BONUS: JENNY

A: what I think realistically

….tbh they seem like the type of person who always has a sketchpad and paints a lot and is just Super artsy

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

jenny and kennith lock eyes and they can instantly feel the hatred kennith emits bc t h a t s  h i s  f p  but also they can tell he wants steph to be happy and they can SEE the STRUGGLE on his FACE and he looks kind of like an angry chihuahua

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

…..tbh i dont have anything for them

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

let them be a nonbinary lesbian who draws their gf constantly

BRI (aka kin ass two: electric bogaloo :3c)

A: what I think realistically

tbh they seem like the type of person to have a cat. in my canon it was an orange cat named sherbet B3c they love that cat to Death and show it to avery on video calls

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

bri says “rawr XD” out loud and accidentally says that to a teacher, who stands there for .3 seconds and kind of just goes with it

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

they dont actually die and have to live with their gf bein dead :’)

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

they live and also so does avery and theyre happy fuck you

AVERY

A: what I think realistically

tbh she seems like the type of person to have a wide friend group but only be “close” close with like. 1-2 people??? and like she loves all of her friends but she cant maintain that many close friends

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

she once laughed so hard she snorted soda out of her nose during a video call

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

her last thought is of bri :’)

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

SHE AND BRI ARE  H A P P Y AND ALIVE

SPOI

A: what I think realistically

they seem the type of person to like???? fuckin rag on shows while watching them, ie shout at the screen, point out plot holes etc and then say “wtf i loved it” at the end

also they throw popcorn at the screen during the movies

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

they hide under nancys table and let out a vicious shriek whenever nancy accidentally kicks them

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

they cause Endless Suffering and dont even care like they cant sympathize or manage to be Decent and like. they LAUGH at it and its like??? a s s h o l e

(and i have like No Empathy but i can still manage to be a nice person so?? no excuse there)

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

theyre the one stealing nancys bobbins >:00

[noidsome]

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation. 

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it. 

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress. 

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL??? 

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved.  then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens. 

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck. 

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL” 

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point. 

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY  STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc 

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

[comicteaparty]

September 28th-October 4th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from September 28th, 2019 to October 4th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is a part of your comic you don’t particular like right now, and how are you trying to improve it?

Kay Rose

Something in my current comic that I dont like is how my characters look inconsistent, to fix it, when im back drawing hopefully next week, I'd like to change my webtoon release time to every other week So i can spend more time making sure theyre on model, and not hurt myself again trying to get 15-20 panels done in a week like a scrub

Ash🦀

I came from a novel-writing background. Although I wanted to write for comics, of course I had to learn about the fundamentals of writing at all, but that made me too dependent on words, so... I think in the beginning, there was simply too much dialogue. I didn’t let the characters breathe because I felt I had to give people at least a rundown of the world, foreshadow future events, all the things. I wish I’d taken more time to let the characters breathe and let the art speak for itself. As I edit the second chapter, I’m taking out whatever isn’t necessary, and focusing more on the marriage of art and words, letting them work with each other. I also dislike that it took me this long to get from the “it’s almost finished” stage to the “it’s finished” stage, solely my fault. I guess I can’t say much more since it technically isn’t out yet, but the pages are all there and everything’s finished, and I’m sure I’ll learn way more about the process as I keep going.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

1) Fast pacing. People have told me it’s not a problem at all, and it’s actually good to have a webcomic that doesn’t drag - but I do feel somewhat restrained by my self-inflicted chapter page count. Sometimes I have to squish some things together in (what I feel is) an awkward way. But maybe it’s just me wanting to show more??

2) Lettering! Lettering is not my forte. Typography itself was always a problem for me to get right in graphic design classes. One of the few critical messages I’ve gotten on Phantomarine is about the wide-set lettering, and it’s stuck with me. I kinda want to fix it up in the future, or hire a proper letterer. Or... hand-letter! I dunno, it’s just bothered me ever since it was pointed out...

Urbanjawdust

@Ash🦀 that is AWESOME. more power to ya!!!

DaemonDan (The Demon Archives)

Heh, the main thing I don't like right now is that I'm on hiatus XD But the biggest artistic issue I'd been having recently was my previous artist wasn't very consistent with character appearances, especially the women/girl characters. Now that I've hired a new artist, the first thing I paid him to do was to make character sheets of them, with the hope that this will let us be consistent going forward.

Deo101 (Millennium)

I think for me it's also gonna have to be fast pacing. I get so excited about moving on, and so afraid of dragging things out, that I tend to forget to linger where it's needed. Since it's been pointed out to me, I've been working on adding an extra page or 2 to really wrap up my scenes... but it's definitely a problem in my past pages.

Urbanjawdust

Does anyone struggle deciding how many pages to post per update?

I'm debuting a new series and am struggling to decide how many pages the first episode should be

Deo101 (Millennium)

Hmmm...... Personally, if I'm uploading more than one, I like to get it to a point of "kind of a little bit of a cliffhanger" every time

instead of a particular amount of pages

Kay Rose

I upload on webtoon, so I count by panels.

snuffysam

depends what kind of comic it is, how much you get onto a page, etc. like if a page doesn't have anything interesting on it, it should probably have more on it or the update should include a second page. or like if you have a comedy comic, you shouldn't cut off the page in the middle of a joke.

DaemonDan (The Demon Archives)

Also where you post it. On my own site, i post 1 page at a time. On Tapastic, I'll post a few pages per update.

AntiBunny

Probably the slow meandering pace at which the story is told. 13 years and I still haven't gotten to the point I planned. Mostly because I want fully realized characters, and they need to go through a lot to get there.

Erin/Leif & Thorn on Kickstarter

Tapas & Webtoon seem to be optimized for taller updates, but with a regular site I'd post one page/strip at a time. People who want to read in batches can still bookmark it (or add it to ComicRocket, etc) and only check in every few update.

Most of my CR bookmarks, I wait until the comic has at least 10 unread updates before catching up.

(exceptions are mostly things like xkcd where there's not continuity to keep track of)

...also, seconding the "my least favorite thing is that it's on hiatus" for But I'm A Cat Person. Combined with "my least favorite thing is that it's not finished". (One more chapter! Just the one!)

sssfrs

I honestly really like the direction "Joe Is Dead" is going right now but there are areas I could definitely improve. I need to figure out how to strike a balance between perfectionism and speed, so that I don't take too long to put out pages but so that I can still put out high quality work. I'm also trying to work harder on characterizing characters, making their responses more individual to who they are and the kind of things they think about. When I first started writing I was putting in a lot of lines that were helpful to move the scenes along but the characters didn't have so much personal motivation to say them. I've been editing my writing over several times in an effort to really streamline the dialogue. You can read Joe Is Dead on Tapas: https://tapas.io/series/JoeIsDead(edited)

DaeofthePast

While I'm not too fond of the colors I used in the first episode of Dating Not-So Simulation, I have to remind myself that the duller colors serve a purpose. It works for symbolizing Morgan's emotional state at the beginning of the story and it'll get more colorful as the comic goes on.

Desnik

What I don't like about http://ask-a-warlock.tumblr.com/ is that it's been a couple of years working on it and it's STILL not done!!(edited)

The Q - working on WAYFINDERS

Pacing is my biggest issue right now. The story is so huge, so I can't linger. But also a comic needs time and space to breathe. I'm trying to let the scripts flow in a natural way, but I'm nervous to see how it's going to work once we get to thumbnails!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

it is going to work GREAT!

The Q - working on WAYFINDERS

Haha, well in that case... I'm excited!

[imanameture]

I think I am going to kill myself

This seems like the best place to leave it. nobody follows me here so nobody will try and stop me. It is friday, october 6th 2017 at 1:16 PM. and i think im going to kill myself.... hopefully today. hopefully before my roommate gets back. I might attempt to hide myself... just, go someplace else. 

im tired of trying to talk to people, therapy is only making it worse. i think i would just rather die

now before someone tells me that its a “permanent solution to a temporary problem” might i remind you that in death... I wont care. i’ll be dead, I cant be missing life or regret what i did. If i am already dead.  I’ve wanted to for years

people just always insist on stopping me why though

everyone says all these great things about me but how many of them truly know me

how many of them know my favorite color or why i liked photography

who knows what it is that makes me a BAD person

people always try to convince me i’m good. 

im not good

I like to look at both sides of the spectrum

I like picking the bad guy

because i see why they did it, 

i can easily side with your standard disney villans, like scar and gaston (sort of, he was an arrogant dick i know, but so were most men back then and frankly most continue to be) 

I can remain neutral on things like mass shootings

I dont stand for hate crimes. that i cant do, people suck, we are all temporary, mortal, but honestly the same, we can be boiled down to the same basics, human beings, coming from different places results in variations in appearance and beliefs, culture, food, anything really...

i believe there are no good guys, or bad guys. people make choices based off of where theyve been and what theyve been through. and while it might not be whats good for you, it could be whats good for them. I mean really. out of everyone in this world. you’re probably thinking about whats best for you before you think of whats best for anyone else.

Which brings me back to my point

I think im going to kill myself

this is the decision that is best for me. 

In 19 years, I have never enjoyed confrontation, it makes me anxious, it makes me angry, it makes me scared and confused. I dont like it. I can not stand it.

So i never tell people whats going on thats bothering me or hurting me or impacting me negatively

I never told my parents that their constant punishing me for my grades, made having friends and a social life hard, I couldnt go to birthday parties or movies or the mall, because i struggled to get good grades. I couldnt do school, So i couldnt have many friends, that was fair, thats a productive punishment.

I never tell my boyfriend when his constant insecurity and bellyaching about things bothers me, Because i love him, I want to help him, i do, but i want him to remember that because we’re doing life together. it doesnt mean every aspect of our lives need to involve each other, I made plans with friends,you should too. I love him. and thats what makes doing this so hard, the one heart i cant bring myself to break is his. he only wanted to love and support me this whole time, he just wants to give me the life i dream of. he wants to give me the world. and i know he’s trying. and im so grateful that i got to spend these last four years with him. but i dont think i can do life any longer. I dont have the fighting spirit he fell in love with anymore. its not your fault, you did everything right. i just cant do it anymore. You are so deserving of love babe, you have so much to give, even if you cant see it. you do. thats what makes you a good friend, a good listener. an amazing boyfriend and an even better fiancé. Im sorry for taking me away from you, but someone who can love you better. who can make you happier will come around, she will give you the life you deserve. 

I wish my friends could help. but they tend to make it worse on me. I know i dont talk much, but please stop saying im secretive( that goes for you too family) Im not secretive. i just dont know how to address people about my problems. and when i bring it up, and you comment on how im finally talking. it makes me regret it instantly. I know i dont talk. I KNOW. but i dont need to be reminded of it, especially when im upset,

 Thanks uncle dad.we’re very similar, you told me that at least. But the days where i’d be upset and you’d just sit there with me while i laid in bed, quietly crying to myself. not saying much. just, existing there... it helped.

Since school started, i’ve been holding out, i havent done it yet, because my roommate was not ok after losing a friend earlier this year. and it sucked to watch her be like that. but i dont want to make myself suffer anymore, i’ve suffered in silence for so long, its unfair to me to have to stick around when i’ve already been so sad for at least 11 years. i dont want a lifetime of it

theres no guarantee that it’ll be a lifetime.

but honestly. theres also no guarantee that it wont. 

my friends have been going through their own things. i worry about them, and i love them, but honestly. once i reached the point where i no longer valued my life, i stopped valuing most lives. human lives.

 I still care about animals. they’re cute and bring me calm. I would love to have my cat here, or be able to adopt a kitten or a puppy, they’re sweet and small. theyre warm and i could hug them when i’m down, but my mother says no. so i dont even bother bringing it up to a therapist. 

I wish my friends werent going through what they are, none of them deserve it. the hardships and pain of life. of growing up. of learning to adult.  I hope they live long happy fulfilling lives. They deserve it, they deserve the best.

Ive hated my life

the more i think back on it the less i feel like it matters

my life that is

look. you want to know something insane, that i still dont understand

how could someone so ugly, be molested so many times

like

wow.

kindergarden

7th grade

and one time at summer camp

i guess thats not a lot. 

but i think one time is too many,

genuinely. 

MY BODY

has been taken advantage of

by so many people, they decided, not me, that i was theirs to touch, and stroke, and grope...

i guess thats why i cant stand physical contact with strangers... or anyone who  i haven’t explicitly told they are trusted.

i’ve been writing for an hour.

WOW

this really feels like a suicide note. 

Ive been saying goodbye for an hour

My therapist said to contact him if the feeling to kill myself ever came. 

not happening

I’m not telling anyone... not even my boyfriend,

i cant tell anyone, they’ll just try and stop me.

I could point fingers and blame, but i wont.

My parents were wonderful. They made mistakes, but no parent doesnt,  life comes with no handbook, and when you have to maintain your own and build something sturdy for your children, so they can live a good life. it can not be easy. I think you guys did amazing. and i love you. even though you can drive me absolutely mad, I love you guys. my parents are my first love. theyre amazing.

My sister is my favorite person, we always had a good relationship. shes my sister, she taught me everything i know about life, She does everything in her power to help me. to fix things for me. to make me laugh and smile. Most recently her daily spoop messages. she’s the reason i maintained an interest in anything, She sends me memes, and links, and music. she shows me plays and movies. she has the best cat, both of my sisters cats have been my favorite, when we got shadow i was 6, and scared of her, I wanted a dog not a cat, but we got a cat. and after a while i warmed up to her, shadow was gentle and sweet and beautiful. she would come to drink your milk after you had cereal, and she would lay on my foot when i pet her to keep me from going away. and laf is the cutest most noodly cat i have ever met, he’s thin and floppy like cooked spaghetti. and i love him.

I wish, i could put into words. why i cared for the people i did so much, why i did everything in my power to make them happy, 

but i cant

and if you’re reading this i’m sorry.

I cant keep making up excuses to live another day.

i have shit grades, i have a shit attention span, I barely have job and i know i’m not good at it. 

i’m not good at anything, I’m not creative, i cant draw, my photography is sub par, I suck at making new friends and honestly i feel like nobody really wants to get to know me. 

I dont believe suicide is the answer

i never have

but I dont think i have any other way.

I had dreams of getting married, and starting a family. I had dreams of studying abroad with my friends. I wanted to move to california. I wanted to see every disney. I wanted to travel the world with my best friend. I wanted to freelance.

I dont want much anymore

shit. i dont even want to eat most of the time

i dont even want to finish this post.

it is now 2:36 PM

Im wary... i am unsure if i can. 

but i think i will

I THINK IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF