#my brother was mostly taking care of it

[sleep1ng-w1llow]

guys how am i gonna explain to my prof that in the process of trying to get the power to download apps onto my laptop so i could download excel, my laptop became unusable and now needs to be completely wiped, therefore it is not ready for class today

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i have officially returned. ask me anything.

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[katabay]

new desktop theme! mostly because tumblr only does super tiny icons right now RIP, so I made the sidebar image a close up of my new icon: it's the roman emperor valens from subleyra's the mass of saint basil :)

[fluffykitteninabox]

listen I don't care what new lore nightbringer gives us or how it recontextualises the brothers' relationships

Mammon raised Satan and you pry this headcanon away from my cold dead hands!!

[irhabiya]

there's so much about the way the medical field operates that i hate, from medical school to actual medical practice. so much of it just encourages these passionless, soulless practitioners who never had their hearts set on helping people in the first place and that translates in their work and affects real human lives

[superbattrash]

Okay so it took me an hour because “please hide the worst mess” turned into doing the dishes, gathering the laundry, vacuuming the floors and cleaning the bathroom

BUT LIKE. what if it’s a potential mate that’s coming over? I can’t let any future in-law see his depression home so soon okay, he’s my baby, if I can fix it imma fix it

[sonknuxadow]

i dont really like the tails is secretly a kitsune theories either i think he should just be a normal fox who has two tails for no special reason

[attractthecrows]

retconning stroud out of the deep roads so i can shove laure amell and the hawke siblings and varric and anders all into the same little camp. they would all have such a bad time

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

my dad brought home a stray kitten 😑

[floral-hex]

Hey!

my mom got a liver transplant. so that’s kinda cool.

[jonny-b-meowborn]

The next month will literally be the best shit ever if everything goes right because

my school will officially be over (though the results of the finals will be out in july, but at least the finals themselves will be over soon)

my dad is getting me a new laptop that may have like a touch screen so I could draw more comfortably and also finally play Sims and Subnautica and Road 96 with more than 1fps

we're moving out of my grandma's!!!!! my mom found a place that's literally in the next building from here so we'll still be close to her and I generally love the area we currently live in so it'd be perfect and the owner wants to rent it out on the 1st

and with that I'll maybe be able to!!!!! Have a kittye!!!!!!!! my mom's friend's cat had babies recently and my mom already agreed long ago that I could get a pet once we move out and unless something goes terribly bad with like our new place or money or smth well adopt one of the kibbies I've never had a pet bigger than a rabbit in my life and I need to have a cat as soon as possible they're god's most beautiful creatures

also I'll have to redo my commission sheet since I'll be Free and also No Longer in School so I'll Need Money and my mom's gonna help me find some small simple jobs and if that goes well I'll be able to get myself some new piercings (I'm thinking snake bites)

I don't remember if there's anything else happening but like I can't wait everything good happens this June I wish I could like timeskip to June 1st right now

[tobysbadhorns]

Unfair because it's been 4 years

[perenlop]

this is literally insane ill be doing my laundry and then ill feel a pile a fuzz at my legs for .5 second and then its gone and then she is across the room

[sharkylikesknives27]

Sorry to anyone looking at my posts and just seeing mommy issues, I'm not just mentally ill I swear, I'm also just a funny little guy

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AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ignore the tags pls it's just venting-

[johanna-swann]

Watching Eddie interact with his son reminds me so much of my family and how we raised my brother.