#my brain is boiled af

[greenbirdtrash]

heraldic beast

...if you even care.

[sanchoyo]

I’ve always been interested in things like choose your own adventure stories or when community polls choose what happens in a story. Tbh I would love to write one (I know there’s a way to do this on ao3, the choose your own adventure part not the poll one as far as I’m aware) it’s just a matter of 1. Making time to do it 2. Deciding what story/fandom to write it for 🤨

[atempause-art]

my art style falls apart when using thick lines and yet i keep using them and then wonder why does it look like shit??

[chaotic-mistress-plague]

So lemme get me this straight… a man “imprinting” on an infant isn’t problematic (along with the rampant racism and misogyny in the entire Twilight Saga), but a 90s-to-early-2000s magic British school books for kids and teens is?!

Make up your fucking mind anon, you can’t say that Media A is problematic and then say Media B isn’t based on how much ppl are talking about it. That is not how that goes at all. Either they are all “irredeemable media” or none of them are. You can’t have both.

Sorry, it was unfair of me to send that to you without proper context since you might not be aware of these issues. Irredeemable media refers to any thing with a creator or content  that is harmful and/or bigoted. Of course every piece of media has problems, but irredeemable media is when those problems cannot be ignored and are an indicator of someone's beliefs. 

For example, Harry Potter is irredeemable media because every one knows that JK Rowling is a transphobe, but some other piece of media like Twilight would not be considered irredeemable because even though Stephanie Meyer has done some bad things, they are not as widely talked about, so someone who posts about Twilight on here isn't completely likely to be a bigot, but a Harry Potter blogger would. Also, I know the "to be cringe is to be free" people like your blog, but a lot of the time, what is considered cringey on here is actually based on what is irredeemable. No progressive person or reputable blogger genuinely makes fun of My Little Pony fans any more, however plenty make fun of Hazbin Hotel fans and the such because that content is irredeemable and shows someone's beliefs. So usually, a piece of media being considered embarassing to like on here usually indicates that it is irredeemable.

As for why the other pieces of media are irredeemable, Hazbin Hotel is made by a woman who has many well-documented accusations of bigotry against her and has drawn zoophilia art, not to mention how her work leans into stereotypes about gay people (having a gay man character be a sex addict, a lesbian be named after the female body part Vagina, etc.) or at least that's what I've heard. Attack on Titan is created by a known fascist and many illusions are made to nazi imagery and nationalism in the anime. Captive Prince has a racist premise that sexualizes slavery and non-con. 

People can tell you that liking irredeemable media doesn't say something about who they are, but that's fundamentally false. If someone is uncaring enough to still post openly about these types of media, it's clear they don't care enough about not supporting bigotry. Yes, even if they don't give money to the creators, because they are still willingly exposing themselves to bigoted or harmful content and enjoying it.

The previous ask was not meant to be accusatory. Rather it was meant as a concerned question. Believe it or not, there are still some users on here who indulge in these pieces of content, a few of which hide behind the excuse of being part of a minority (Black, trans, whatever) or simply deny how bad their media consumption is to escape accountability. I wouldn't want you associating with those types of people and have that ruin your reliability on this website.

Hopefully this ask has educated you more on these issues and you'll be able to spot irredeemable media in the future and block it out.

incredible essay, you get a C for Creativity

[lnfours]

summer loving (four) ⎸ t.h

⌙ summary: your mom and tom’s mom grew up together, swearing that their kids would be life long friends. and it was true, the holland boys were a special part of your life. but on the annual trip to their beach house this summer, everything feels different. and that’s because it is.

⌙ au:  based on the book and tv show ‘the summer i turned pretty’ by jenny han. childhood friends to lovers

⌙ wc: 3k

⌙ warnings: swearing, some angst, fluffy as hell towards the end, some light drinking (nothing crazy), SHAWN BEING THE BEST BF EVER!!!!!!! but also tom being jealous AF, oh and shirtless tom, poor baby sam swooning but having no balls to say anything :(

⌙ pairing: tom holland x fem!reader with a lil bit of shawn mendes x fem!reader 

masterlist ⎸ chapter three ⎸ chapter five ⎸ listen

                                ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

tom was losing his absolute mind. 

sure, it was no secret that tom was in love with you. anyone with eyes and brain cells would be able to tell just by spending 2 minutes in a room with the two of you.

however, he felt as though he wasn’t good enough. like there was someone who would be way better for you. someone who could be your knight in shining armor, show you their vulnerable side, be everything you desperately wanted tom to be.

so, when he found out that you had went to shawn’s gig, part of him was relieved that you had moved on from his chaos, the way he pulled you in one minute and the next he was pushing you away in fear of letting someone get close to him again. but, he couldn’t deny that part of him ached, part of him broke at the sight of shawn walking you to the front door. 

and what really sealed the deal was when you leaned in with a smile on your face as you kissed shawn on the lips. 

that’s when he knew for sure that he was just a thought all the way in the back of your head. 

the next morning, everyone sat in the kitchen while eating breakfast, making small talk. everyone mostly asking about how your date went, which caused a the heat to creep onto your cheeks. however, it made his blood boil at the fact that shawn was everything you wanted. everything you tom wanted to be for you, but couldn’t. 

“it was good,” you smiled, poking at the eggs on your plate that sam had made for you, “he’s really sweet. i think you guys would like him.”

“we should have him for dinner tonight,” nikki smiled, “i know the mendes family pretty well, all of them are lovely.”

“yeah, sounds like a great idea.” your mom agreed.

“meeting the guy that my sister made out with on the front porch, no thanks.” austin joked, causing everyone to roll their eyes.

“gonna have to agree with austin on that one,” harry joked, “they’re gonna make kissy-faces at each other the whole time.”

you flung a piece of pancake at the boy, hitting him right in the center of his forehead. paddy giggled next to you, giving you a high five, “nice aim!”

“listen, let’s just give him a shot, yeah?” sam said, “if he makes y/n happy, then it’s worth meeting him.”

tom hadn’t said a word, eyes suddenly interested in his plate. your eyes fell onto his figure, your lips meeting the edge of the mug, speaking before taking a sip of coffee. 

“what do you think, tom?”

you watched as he looked up at you, his normally warm, brown eyes suddenly cold. you raised an eyebrow as you watched him put down his fork.

“doesn’t matter to me.” he shrugged, getting up from the table as he cleared his plate. you turned to look at him.

“maybe alicia can come too, might as well make it a whole thing.” you said, smirking into your mug as he gave you ‘shut the fuck up’ look. 

“who’s alicia?” nikki asked, turning to the oldest boy.

“no one.”

“mhm, she’s no one alright.” harry chuckled.

“wait, alicia garnett?” your brother asked.

“since when?” it was paddy’s turn to look confused.

“you know she’s kind of a whore, right?” 

tom rolled his eyes at your brothers words, you turning around and smacking him in the forehead, “ow!”

“you’re an ass.”

“it’s true!”

“well, you don’t have to call her a whore.”

“i mean, she’s slept with half the town.”

you rolled your eyes, letting nikki take the floor, “if you’d like to invite her, you can. i’d like to meet her, you know.”

“me too,” your mom smiled, “and who’s to say she isn’t what everyone thinks she is.”

she eyed your brother and he raised his hands in fake surrender, “i’m just telling you what i’ve heard.”

“yeah, well, we don’t need to hear about it.” you mumbled.

tom nodded, sighing, “alright, alright, i’ll see if she wants to come.”

you cleared your plate, putting the dishes in the sink before making your way upstairs. you squeaked as someone grabbed your arm, pulling you into a bedroom before the door shut behind you. 

“are you proud of yourself or something?” it was tom’s voice.

you crossed your arms, “why would it matter if she’s more than just a fuck buddy to you?”

he groaned, “because… i don’t know how i feel about her yet.”

“guess you better figure it out.” you shrugged, going to reach for the door handle but tom stepped in front of you,

“can i go? i have to make sure kat can come in this weekend.”

“not until you talk to me about what’s going on.”

you scoffed, rolling your eyes in complete annoyance, “nothing’s going on, tom.”

“you sure?”

you huffed, “look, you’re the one who tried to kiss me on the beach just to move on the next day. i’m sorry, but whatever kind of emotional rollercoaster this is,” you motioned back and forth between the two of you, “i don’t want it. i’ve got a guy who’s sweet, treats me like a fucking princess, and is actually clear with what he wants, which is me. if you can’t accept the fact that i moved on from you and your bullshit, that sounds like a personal issue.”

he stared at you blankly as you pushed past him, reaching for the door, “until then, worry about your own relationship and i’ll worry about mine.”

he flinched as his door slammed shut behind him, making him groan as he plopped down onto the bed. he knew you were right, you had every reason in the book to hate him right now. he knew he played with your emotions, he knew that he fucked up big time, but he didn’t know how to make it right. he didn’t know how to get you back. 

your phone buzzed as you got a text from kat.

kat any updates? 

y/n nothing much other than tom’s an asshole and i think i really like shawn

kat good. if tom can’t get his priorities straight and realize that it’s been you this entire time, then you shouldn’t have to wait around for him.  also shawn’s a cutie, who wouldn’t like him 😉

you looked up as there was a soft knock on your door, meeting sam’s eyes as he softly smiled, “up for the beach?”

you nodded, “yeah, just give me a second.”

he nodded back at you, walking out of the door and leaving it cracked open the tiniest bit. 

y/n you’re right.  i’ll check in with you later after shawn comes for dinner, gonna go catch some waves with sam. 

kat sam 😏 ya know, i’ve always been team sam

y/n 🙄 goodbye, katarina <3

kat goodbye y/n 🥰

you locked your phone and threw it down on the bed before picking out a bathing suit. you grabbed a bathing suit from your bag, throwing on a big t-shirt overtop. you met sam downstairs, the two of you heading out to the beach. 

you two talked amongst yourselves, giggling and having a good time. sam always knew how to get your mind off of things.

“you excited for everyone to meet shawn?” he asked and you shrugged. 

“i don’t know,” you bit down on your bottom lip, “i just don’t know how tom’s going to react.”

“yeah, didn’t seem too happy about it earlier.”

you nodded, “i know.”

“which, sounds like his problem.”

you shot him a confused look, an eyebrow raised, “not that i don’t disagree, but what do you mean?”

“please, it’s not like we all don’t know he’s had a thing for you for years,” he laughed, “plus, mom did say that you were destined for one of us, minus paddy.”

you smiled, remembering when nikki told you that, “yeah, well, i guess destiny isn’t mine and tom’s thing.”

he chuckled again, “doesn’t really seem like it, huh?”

“whatever, it’s his loss,” you shrugged, “if he can’t tell me what he wants then why should i wait around for him to tell me? i deserve better than that.”

he nodded, “you deserve the best.”

you smiled, “thanks, sam.”

he nodded, looking towards the house as the sun shone down on you. your hair was falling perfectly around your face, your eyes glistening in the sunlight. the way the water droplets fell from your skin was mesmerizing. 

he was in awe. 

“i guess i should head back soon, i gotta get ready for dinner and make sure shawn’s still coming.”

he nodded, “yeah, sure thing. i’ll probably be out here for a little while longer and then head in.”

you smiled before paddling to shore on your board, “see you back at the house!”

you made your way inside, running up the steps. you gathered your things to take a shower, walking into the hallway only to bump into someone who was shirtless and dripping wet. 

your cheeks burned as you realized it was tom. 

“sorry,” he apologized, moving around you, “didn’t mean to bump into you.”

you couldn’t help it, your eyes followed the way his abs dipped and curved, the way the towel sat lowly on his hips, his dripping wet curls hanging over his forehead. he smirked as your eyes traveled his body, watching you contently. 

“just watch where you’re going next time.” your voice was laced with sarcasm. 

“watch where your eyes wander next time.”

you rolled your eyes, refusing to let him believe that you were still somewhat into him. yeah, shawn was great and everything you wanted, but tom was always going to be in the back of your mind. like an annoying, nagging feeling that won’t leave you alone no matter how hard you try. 

after your shower, you made your way back to your room. you decided to facetime shawn, just to make sure he was still able to come tonight. 

he picked up after a few rings, smiling into the camera as he laid in bed, “hey,”

“hi,” you smiled back, “sorry if i interrupted anything.”

he shook his head, rustling coming from his side of the call as he situated himself to sit up, “‘s okay, everything alright?” 

you nodded, “just wanted to make sure you were still coming tonight.”

“of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

you smiled, a blush forming on your cheeks, “nikki wants to know if you like seafood.”

he nodded, “not my favorite, but i’ll eat it,” he smiled, “i’m sure anything she cooks is good.”

you laughed, “it is, actually.”

“sounds great,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “should i bring anything?”

“just yourself.” you smiled.

“okay, i’ll bring a bottle of rosé.”

you smiled, “if you insist.”

“i do, i refuse to come empty handed, my mom taught me better than that,” he smiled back at you, “also, what’s nikki and your moms favorite flowers?”

you scrunched your nose, thinking about it, “for nikki it’s probably daisies and my mom is simple, she likes white roses.”

he nodded, “alright, i got a few stops to make in town and then i’ll be over.”

you watched as he slipped a shirt over his head, his keys jingling in the microphone shortly after, “take your time.”

“well, i don’t want to keep you waiting.”

you smiled, “i don’t mind.”

he smirked down into the camera, “i’ll remember this.”

you laughed, “drive safe, i’ll see you soon.”

“see you soon, beautiful.”

you smiled before ending the call, squealing quietly to yourself before quickly clicking onto kat’s contact. she picked up almost right away.

“long time no see,” she smiled, “what’s up?”

“it’s confirmed,” you smiled, “i really like shawn.”

                               ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the doorbell rang as you ran down the steps, “i’ll get it!”

you opened the door and smiled as shawn held up three bouquets of flowers and a bottle of rosé. you smiled, taking the bottle from him to help him carry things inside, “what’s all this?”

“a good first impression,” he smiled, kissing your cheek softly, “these are for your mom and nikki.”

you smiled, your heart beating quickly as you closed the door behind him, “you’re so sweet. c’mon, i’ll introduce you.”

he followed you into the kitchen where nikki, your mom, austin, paddy and harry were sitting. everyone was quick to say hello, shawn shaking hands with the boys and offering the flowers to the moms. they both smiled and accepted them, also mentioning how it was a sweet gesture. you left the boys to talk as you followed your mom and nikki into the kitchen to open the bottle of wine. 

“he’s handsome,” your mom smirked, rubbing her shoulder against yours, giggling, “and respectful.”

“he’s great, y/n. a 10 in my book.”

you laughed at both of the women in front of you, shaking your head as you grabbed two wine glasses, “you two are insufferable.”

“c’mon! if i were you, i'd be all over that.” your mom laughed and you scrunched your nose, letting out a chuckle as you shook your head. 

“gross, don’t ever say that again,” you laughed with the other two, walking back into the dining room with the two wine glasses. you handed one to shawn, him smiling and thanking you as you sat down in the chair next to him. 

“so, you’ve played guitar your whole life?” harry asked. shawn nodded. 

“yeah, pretty much,” he smiled, “i learned from watching youtube videos on how to play ed sheeran songs.”

“i wish i was good at playing an instrument,” paddy sighed, “i tried piano, but i wasn’t good so i gave up.”

“that’s what practice is for,” shawn said, pulling the glass away from his lips, “if you want, i could teach you how to play, show you a few pointers.”

“really?” paddy’s face lit up, “that’s awesome! thanks, mate.”

shawn nodded and smiled back. you smiled at him as he made eye contact. 

“so, is the infamous katarina coming next weekend?” he asked. 

“yeah, she is,” you smiled, “and she’s really excited to meet you.”

he widened his eyes a little, “guess i gotta make a really good impression.”

“shouldn’t be too hard.” you smiled, biting down on your bottom lip to try to contain it. 

“i don’t know, seems like a big deal.”

“please, if you can make it through this dinner, you should be able to handle kat.”

you heard sam as he entered the room, “that’s a lie, kat is like a hurricane. she’s kinda crazy.”

you rolled your eyes playfully at sam, “she’s not crazy, she’s just… a concerned friend.”

sam scoffed, “yeah, we can say that,” he smiled as he shook shawn’s hand, “sam, by the way. nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you, too.” shawn smiled. you watched as tom was the last one to sit down at the table, nodding his head towards shawn.

“hey, mate.”

“hey, man. what’s up,” he greeted back, reaching to shake tom’s hand, “shawn.”

tom shook his hand, “tom.”

you watched as tom’s eyes locked with yours for a split second, the warm brown eyes once again cold as he saw you with shawn. he clenched his jaw as he sat down, not wanting to sit across from you and the guy who was everything he couldn’t be for you. 

nikki and your mom, thankfully, came out with the food in their hands as they placed everything down on the table, “who’s hungry.”

you felt shawn’s nerves from his seat next to you, giving his hand a squeeze under the table. he squeezed back, smiling as you made eye contact. 

the dinner talk consisted of everyone getting to know shawn a little better and talking about everyone’s favorite summer activities. but, of course, austin had to ruin the moment with an embarrassing story from when you were younger. 

that’s when you grabbed shawn’s hand, leaving the table as you led him up the stairs, “okay, i’m done with this conversation. you all have fun.”

everyone laughed as harry called out to you, “oh, come on! at least leave shawn!” 

you two laughed, “over my dead body, holland.”

you made your way into your room, closing the door behind you, “sorry, they get to be a little much.”

he waved you off, “it’s alright, i get it.”

you sat down on the bed, gesturing to the room, “this is me. not much, but that’s what i like about it.”

“that and this view,” shawn said as he looked out the large window, “i’d never leave this room.” 

you smiled, getting up and wrapping your arms around him from behind, resting your cheek on his back, “that’s another favorite part.”

he smiled, turning around as his arms wrapped around your torso this time, “i can’t deny a great view when i see one.”

you blushed softly, “me either.”

he smiled as his hand reached up and cupped your cheek into his hand softly, leaning down slowly as his nose pressed up against yours, “can i ask you something?”

you nodded, biting down softly on your lower lip as he continued, “i know it hasn’t been very long, but i really really like you and i was just wondering if you’d wanna be official, like be my… girlfriend?”

you smiled, “i really like you, too. and yes, i’d love to be your girlfriend.”

he smiled, leaning down and softly pressing his lips to yours. you both smiled into the kiss, breaking apart after a little while. you led him to bed bed, the both of you laying down. he grabbed the stuffed bear from under his back, laughing softly as you grabbed your tv remote from the nightstand. 

“who’s this?”

you chuckled, “that’s beary.”

“beary? you couldn’t have come up with a better name?” he joked and you laughed, snatching the brown stuffed bear from his hands. 

“i was 4! leave me alone.”

he laughed, pulling you so you were laying on top of him, both legs on either side of his hips. you smiled as you braced yourself, hands resting against his chest as his landed on your hips. 

he giggled, “poor beary. he’s stuck dealing with the worst name in history.”

you rolled your eyes, laughing as you smacked him playfully with the pillow, “shut up!”

add yourself to my tagged list here

tagged:

@t0msleftnut @jackiehollanderr @tomshufflepuff @behxndthemask@tsukishiromiki@i-love-superhero@scorpiostunner1027 @queensholland @lostamongstthecosmos@feeling-straange @lauren2408 @lovesick-valkyrie @kaitlynthehuman @wh3n-1t-ra1ns-1t-p0urs @cutehollands @zpidey-sense @maggie-starz @heyrogers @peterparkeroos @stephie-senpai @lol-you-thought @cutie1365@gentlethunderstorm @avengersgirllorianna@hista-girl @casualprincess77@keithseabrook27 @tomhollandsmouthfr0g@wtfholland @dark-night-sky-99 @wowitstonystark @no-aaaahhhh @sskidizzle @sholla4-314 @maggiepalma @awshucks-ace @httpmcrvel @peterparkers-waffles @casuallifexcreativesoul @shaykeijser @chennyetomlinson @pvnk-bivch @iaiabear @spidey-pal @lovelyh0lland @spicygrethan @woah-jess @embrace-themagic @annahollanddd @savethebabyseals @sighspidey @spideyyypeter @yourwonderbelle @ravynnn-12 @nichu @valkyries-bi @superserumstark @iamgabriellelambert @utsoftie @laureharrier @mischiefmanaged49 @paradoxparker @sdrecsfics @solarspidey @randomfandom3599 @quicksoldier @notunlimited @smexylemony @captainbuckyy @ashely313-blog @tom-hollands-eyelash @slytherinholland @tomsobriens @delicately-written @kiggys-newblog @peterbxrnes@alexindahouse @aoonai @babylsn @musicgirl234 @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @shortieminn @lushparkers @sweetenedangeltears @gopnista @jackiehollanderr @purple-ash27@tomsmelanin@tsukimi-ackerman @the-queen-procrastinator@estillion14@awkwardfangirl2014@mcuspidey@gorl-d @xitzbrookiex@playbucky @luutaku@kathykat243 @slytherinrising@luckyplums1@wekindadepressed @summernykole@fairydustparker@osterfieldholland01 @zaynjawy @satan-of-fandoms018@vintageroses1014516 @novaddictx @peek-a-boo-boo-boo@134340-cm@missmulti @melaerica@chennyetomlinson @shotgun-shot-to-the-heart@itsallaboutmeritenow @thequeensardine@nedthegay@exoticxstyles@avngrsinitiative @aweways @spidey-waffles11@xinyourdreamsx@wronglanemendes@sholla4-314@aussie-mantle@chubsluda @tommiboiholland @ariesirwin@rageyoudamnednerd@loveforyouwasbulletproof@stargazerholland@applenter@untainted-memories@pxterbpxrker@sunsetspidey @zoellajulien@irishfangirlxx @peteunderoos@t0mh0llandimagines@newestro@silktoyourspidey@youllbemineandillbeyours@lovcyou3000@theshortegg@peachyinparis@emmatrashforfandoms @jedi-dreea @ @cokenooodles@ttaecrackers @sleepy-zzz @annathesillyfriend@24kcalum@xjes@jemalovesfamdoms @trashparker @maggiekelly51 @alina-margaret@thedoctorselder @kingccbsblog @1-800-hamiltrash @afriendlypotatoe@spookyanairwin @qxeen-of-hearts @zabdisamor@heartbeats-wildly@funs1z3d @miraclesoflove @qrangr @parkerstylesperalta @the-puff-is-strong-with-this-one @natashassniper @let-me-luve-you @jubaydahk@multifandomgirl-us @maybemona @newsienewsie @ghostspf @tomshollandz @targaryenvoids @multi-worlds @rechema @h-oneyholland@captainbuckyy @ixchel-9275 @itseightbeats @growingthornz @rororo06@betcoop @theimpossiblehologramtree@relise-thefury @ixchel-9275@itseightbeats @spidcrparkrr @mrskitchenboy @emistrash @xxi-king@sotottalygamer @joonmail @bloomingarianda @starks-parker @corbone-besson @moonbearmeliox @peteunderoos @rin-e @httpsmoony @eternallyvenus @peter-parker-reblogs-v3 @tiny-friggin-human @staarjisung @spookyspookies @lostinspidey @tryn25 @parkerslutz @ethansnestors @tutuabby28 @hollandraul @averyfosterthoughts @soincredible @practicallylivesonline @tom-hollands-wife @zhangyixingxing1 @summergoldenrze @spideynico @geminiparkers @rumplebutterbaby @am3l1a-24 @lmaotshollandd @eridanuswave @teenwishes08 @emistrash @tomshufflepuff @zendayamybabe @parkerpeterparker2004 @zenzedana @nocturnalms @parrishkehlani  @brown-eyed-doe @darling-im-moonstruck@selluequestrian  @tom-softie @asyamonet22 @peterparkoure @gabicalicota @martinaityte @shaunaelliott08 @maverick-wingman @seriouslyseresin @khaylin27 @cherrycola27 @nevermind-42 @thesewordsareallihavetogive @n3ssm0nique @Tallrock35 @byebyebreezywrites @averyhotchner @justanothermagicalsara @callsign-milano @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @kabloswrld @harper1666 @nevermind-42 @cherrycola27 @itsdesiree86 @cinematicadour @averyhotchner @khaylin27 @tallrock35 @byebyebreezywrites @averyhotchner @justanothermagicalsara @kabloswrld @marantha @Zzsloth @cinematicadour @callsign-milano @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harper1666 @honireasns @itsdesiree86 @lnmp89 @alexxavicry @bisexual-watermelons @idrinkteedarling @tmb510 @marajillana @fishingirl12 @swiftmendeshoran @liltimmyst  @ghostqueenofthedamned @xxtomspideyxx @a-strange-familiar @svturtles @onecrazydirectioner @queenmarleyrose @re-enjoy @sunshine1218 @graceverstappen11 @marvelobsessedteen @hoetel-manager​ @chris3vansslut @moonxblossom​ @rancidpancakebatter​

[riannimated]

HI RI ILY SO MUCH 🥰💕💕💕💕💕💕

I was not joking when I said I would send a request suggestion on sight.

Perhaps.... some Hisoka New Years kiss? 🥺

AND I LOVE YOU!!!!

Also oop, not me answering this late af, but time doesn't exist and I hope this isn't too ooc or cheesy as hell.

Still getting into the groove of my soft side 🥰

Pairing: Hisoka x Reader

SFW. Tooth rotting-ly sweet imo

Word Count: 1.4k

Notes: Established relationship, Angst if you squint, Reader is semi afraid of heights, Hisoka is a cheeky little shit in this, but what else is new.

Celebrating the New Year was something that you’d honestly forget about doing if it weren’t for the borderline excessive amount of attention that surrounded it.

It was only around 11pm, but some people had decided to start the celebration early - a few select areas of the city lighting up with tiny pops of colour. It would be nothing compared to the grandeur to come, but it was still an enduring sight from your balcony.

You were sitting in a soft chair you had dragged out from your living room, the one with a coffee stain on the left arm rest, wrapped up in a shawl and already in pajama pants.

You had given up on Hisoka coming hours ago.

It wasn’t a surprise, really, and you weren’t mad at him. How could you be, really? You knew his whims took him to all corners of the world, and he was even worse with keeping track of holidays than you were, so to be upset with him over such a thing would be unfair.

The logic didn’t do much to lessen the blow to your emotions, though.

A noise of displeasure left your throat when you took a sip from the tea in your hands only to discover it was now luke-warm, and you looked down at your watch.

11:23pm

You had decided to stay up until midnight so you could send the appropriate people a few texts and then take a shot if you were feeling frisky before going to bed, but you would need more caffeine if you were going to get there.

You tightened the shawl around you as you stood and shuffled back into your apartment towards the kitchenette. You scrolled through your phone as you waited for the water to boil, clicking on the many stories of your friends and family and subsequently skipping through all of them since they were basically all the same.

Drinks. Parties. Obnoxiously big smiling faces. Large text that read “Happy New Year” with more party hat emojis than you could count.

You closed the apps and fixed your tea before making your way back towards the balcony on autopilot.

“Boo. ~♡”

The shriek of terror you let out was followed by the unceremonious throw of your mug towards your intruder - an action that was regretted the second your brain caught up with just who it was leaning against your chair in the dark.

Your mug and a solid three-quarters of its contents froze in mid-air while the rest splashed harmlessly to the side and on the right side of the chair. Hisoka tilted his head to the side and let the rest of the tea fall by his feet while he kept your mug dangled in the air. 

“Your aim is getting better, have you been practicing? ~♢”

You visibly relaxed and pointed a finger at him sternly, but were unable to hide the smile forming on your face.

“You asshole, how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?”

“Several. ~♡”

“And you have yet to use the front door, why?”

He shrugged his own smile forming as he retracted his nen so the mug came to his hand effortlessly. “If I did that, what fun would that be? ~♢”

“I guarantee it would be better than getting stains on your clothes.”

He hummed and set the mug down on the newly soiled chair arm. “I have others. ~♧”

The retort on your tongue died when he walked the three strides it took to reach you and slip his hands under your shawl and onto your shoulders.

You sucked in a sharp breath, “Jesus fuck you’re cold.”

“Language. ~♤”

“No.”

He stayed quiet when you took his hands off your shoulders to hold them between your own. He let you bring them up to cradle against your neck, no teasing comment following how unbothered you were by the sharpness of his nails as you tried to warm them up.

The two of you stood like that for a moment - silence only broken by the interspersed pop of distant fireworks. After a while, you rested your cheek against his knuckles as you looked at him.

“I thought you weren’t going to show today.” You said softly.

Hisoka hummed as he scanned you up and down. “I can tell.”

“Gee thanks, love to hear it.”

“You’re not letting me finish, darling,” He untangled his hands from yours to boop you on the nose. Your face scrunched up with the action and you stuck your tongue out at him. “I was going to say: I can tell, so it’s a good thing the place I plan to take you doesn’t have a dress code. ~♤”

Your teasing guard dropped immediately and you looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You want to go out? It’s-” You looked down at your watch. “11:40.”

“It isn’t far.” He gently pulled you back out onto your balcony. “But it will be faster if we leave my way instead of yours. ~♢”

You looked at him like he grew an extra head. “You’re joking.”

“Trust me, my dear. ~♡”

You huffed and placed your shawl over the back of the chair, hoping the smile that formed on your face didn’t betray your nerves. “If I die, I’ll kill you.”

“Promises, promises.” He ushered you closer with a small motion of his hand. “Jump up, it’ll be faster if I carry you. ~♤”

You hesitated, but obliged. Hisoka’s arms looped under your knees as soon as you were in the air, and you hooked your arms around his neck.

“Don’t drop me, please.”

He chuckled, but didn’t reply. You knew he wouldn’t, and he knew you knew, but the nonverbal affirmation was still appreciated since the sound was quickly followed by him jumping up onto your railing and pushing off.

There was no part of you that could ever properly prepare for just how fast Hisoka was.

In short, it was awe inspiring that a human was capable of reaching such a speed. The world turned into a blur of technicolor as it whizzed past you, and motion sickness threatened to rear its ugly head when he made any movements that your body deemed too jarring. You closed your eyes to compensate. It felt like riding on the world's least predictable roller coaster.

When he finally slowed down, you found the courage to reopen them.

You were nowhere new, but the view from Heaven’s Arena would never be something you’d even come close to getting used to.

It was phenomenal. Granted it wasn’t the very top of the building - an area that was off limits even to someone like Hisoka - but you had no complaints whatsoever. You could see the entire city from up here.

He set you down on the ledge he had chosen, and you still clung to him even after your feet touched the concrete.

“How high are we?”

“Very. ~♧”

You looked at him deadpan. “Wow, thank you for that brilliant reveal-.”

He shushed you, turning your cheek out towards the city skyline with a single finger. “Look. ~♢”

You almost missed it. The distant chant of thousands of voices counting down the final seconds of the year.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

The night lit up with the first bout of official fireworks. The city had clearly planned the set up to stretch across several miles so everyone could witness a piece of the artwork on display, but from your view you saw everything.

Bursts of white that soon had red, orange, and yellow joining in filled the air. The pops from the explosions were delayed due to distance and the music that the fireworks were timed to was extremely faint, but it didn’t faze you whatsoever - small gasps of wonder and excitement leaving your lips whenever a particularly impressive moment occurred.

When you looked back towards Hisoka he was already looking at you, golden eyes half-lidded but portraying something other than boredom or decet.

He hooked his fingers under your chin and pressed a kiss to your lips. 

You had kissed Hisoka many times, but this one felt different. It wasn’t quick and sweet, or drawn out and full of lust. If you had to put a label on it, it was all the things left unsaid.

It was everything.

And you couldn’t ask for anything more.

© riannimated 2023. Do not repost, modify, copy, or claim.

[darthgloris]

If things had gone differently

Pairing: bi!Palermo x fem!bi!reader

A/N: this was quite a request, @tzkyo, thank you! This is a really interesting plot that is very likely to make me cry while writing it but I love it! You're very creative, hope you get more ideas like this for me to write ❤❤

Summary (@tzkyo 's courtesy, everyone 😉): Y/N (aka Recife) is completely and utterly in love with Palermo, even if all this time he loved Berlín. After his love interest died, he was torn apart from grief, while Y/N did her best to comfort him in hopes of one day winning his heart. During the heist, he breaks her heart in the most cruel and painful way possible, but regrets it when things start getting ugly.

Warnings: SPOILERS, violence, death, angsty af, heartbreak

€€€

I hated them.

I hated them both.

Actually, that's not true. I loved them both.

But I hated the way they looked at each other.

I hated the way they acted together.

I knew I shouldn't. I knew it was wrong to act like this, but I didn't care. I'd been going through this shit every single day for 10 years. Watching the love of my life Palermo being so kind, so sweet, so fun, being himself with Berlín, and then turning to me with a cold shoulder. Of course, he'd be sweet and kind to me as well, but when he was with the love of his life he was a whole different person. And it bothered me so much that that version of Palermo was the real him. Berlín brought out the best in him, certainly. He brought out the fun, sunny, Golden Retriever-like side of him. But he started neglecting me for it.

Damn him. Damn him and his perfect plans and his perfect brains and his perfect fucking smile. How could I be so in love with him? He was impossible, he was selfish, he had countless of flaws, but when you truly love someone, that doesn't matter. And his happiness mattered to me as well, so I let him be with Berlín and tried not to get in the middle.

And then, in the heist at the Royal Mint, he died. That was really impossible to see. The only difference between what hurt him before was that this time it impacted me as well. Berlín was the one who stole Palermo's heart, and he was quicker than me in doing so, but he was still a really good friend to me, almost a brother. He was used to giving me lots of attention, and that made Palermo's blood boil. That was probably why he was so cold to me.

A few months after Berlín passed, I was called by my ex-partner-in-crime Nairobi to join her and Helsinki in their life of partying and joy. I had missed her very, very much and couldn't wait to clear my mind from the hopeless, dead-end chase after Palermo in the lovely landscapes of Argentina.

A little less than a year later, love played its dirty game once again. Rio got captured and was taken to Algeria for interrogation and torture. That was what brought us all back together. But if there was something I wasn't ready for was meeting Palermo again.

Our reunion was certainly heartfelt and tearful. After all this time of grieving on his own, he felt incredibly alone and couldn't deny that he missed me, even if my advances sometimes bothered him.

...

During the heist

Palermo was acting weird. Very weird. He wasn't looking at me at all, he didn't even bother to look me in the eyes. To others, he talked normally, but to me, he just gave orders as if I meant to him as much as the next person. I've done everything for him: I spent my time helping him when he was blinded when I could have been doing much more useful stuff, I supported him when no one did, I covered him during battle. Hell, I've known him for years, why would he be acting like this?

And then it occurred to me. Why don't I ask him myself?

On the way to look for him, I bumped into Nairobi, who grabbed my arm gently and pulled me away to somewhere more private.

"Recife, where were you going?" She asked carefully.

"I'm just looking for Palermo, why?"

I sighed in exasperation. "Cariño, when are you going to realise you're too good for him? Have you seen how he treats you? You don't deserve that shit. You deserve someone who treats you like the wonderful person that you are. I know you love him, and I know you have for a very long time, but how did you endure all those years of watching him with Berlín and then having him push you away? He's not good enough for you. If he doesn't respond to your advances, it's not your problem, it's his, because he can't see the person in front of him for how she really is."

"Look, I know he can be a really shitty person, but he wasn’t always like this, okay? Before Berlín came around he was sweet, fun, caring. He used to show me so much affection, so much care, and when the guy showed up, he started following him like a puppy."

"He might have been like that before, Recife, but he's not anymore. People change, and sometimes for the worst. Even the inspector in charge now would be able to treat you better than this. And she's been torturing Rio for weeks."

"I'll never know what's going on with him if I don't ask him, will I?"

Nairobi sighed and placed a hand over her cheek, thinking. "You're so stubborn. Now go on, lover girl, before you miss your chance."

I gave her a strong hug and hurried off to find him. After a bit of wandering in the Bank of Spain, I found him in the library with a bunch of hostages and a couple of crew members. This was going to be difficult.

"Palermo!" I called him, and he stopped for a moment, but chose to ignore me and kept walking.

"Hey, Palermo." I grabbed his arm and forced him to look me in the eyes. "Um, could we talk? Alone, please?"

"No. Whatever you have to say, you can say here." He replied coldly, making my jaw clench.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Could you please tell me why you've been treating me like trash since we got here? You're acting really weird, and you're not the Palermo I know, because that guy was loving, and cared about me, even if I was just a friend to him. But now... now you're just a jerk who thinks that he can push me around because I have feelings for him. I miss you, Palermo. The real you."

When I noticed how his fists were closed and his face was red, I got scared. Knowing him, he was going to lash out. "Don't give me that shit, Recife. Do you have any idea how much I suffered when Andrès died!? Does your teeny little brain even begin to comprehend what I went through when you left me alone to follow your little friends to Argentina!? You can't blame me, you can only blame yourself!"

In the middle of all that yelling, Nairobi came in I she almost heard her heart cracking at the scene. I teared up at the harsh words he was throwing at me without any regret, and my friend tried to walk up to me.

"Palermo, shut up! Can't you see she's crying?! Leave her alone!" She defended me.

"Why should I care if she's crying?!" He turned his attention back to me. "Are you still here, Recife? Go on, get out! Leave! Stay the hell away from me!"

I tried not to break down in front of everyone and ran out of the room. I could hear their voices arguing from inside.

"Why did you have to do that, you selfish piece of shit? All she has ever done is care for you and give you the love that not even Berlín gave you and you just break her like that?! Are you crazy?! Do you really think you're in the position to break someone's heart? You? I saw what she went through..."

I zoned the voices out and broke down on the floor, my cries echoing through the corridors. I couldn’t believe he did that to me. Maybe it was better like this. It may be better for both of us.

What he had said really hit a spot. Sometimes I regretted leaving him, but I thought it was for the best. The Palermo I remembered would have never rubbed that in my face. He wouldn't have said any of those things, he would've rejected me gently. And still treat me like a friend.

I leaned my head on the wall and hugged my knees to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. I heard the door open and someone sat down next to me. Her hand started rubbing circles on my back.

"I gave him a piece of my mind. I couldn’t let him hurt you like this." She said and I leaned my head on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, cariño. Really."

"You know what the worst part is? If he hadn't changed, if he hadn't started pushing me away for someone else, that version of him would have never done this. I loved Berlín, but he turned him into this... this person I've never seen before..."

Nairobi sighed and clutched me to her chest. "You don't deserve that. Now, why don't you spend the rest of the heist with me, hmm? Get away from all of this for a while. You'll stay at the furnace with me, Bogotá and Denver and we'll take care of you, okay? You know that those guys never fail to put a smile on our faces."

I chuckled. "Okay. Let's go."

...

When they got downstairs, Denver rushed over to me while Nairobi went to talk to the others. "Hey, Recife, what happened? Who did this to you? You give me a name and I'll rip their face off-"

"No, no, no, please don't rip any faces off! It was Palermo. He ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground and walked all over it."

"I have to go, someone is in the need of a beating." He said jokingly. "Hey, listen to me. He's not worth it. If he can't see what a wonderful human being he could have been with, he's not good enough. And it's not all bad. You did a really brave thing, telling him everything you felt to his face. That's a courage he lacks completely, because he doesn't have any balls or dignity. Would you have been with a guy that didn't have dignity or a functioning pair of testicles? Of course not!" I laughed and smiled at him. "There we go, that's much better!" Denver picked me up in his arms and swung me up and down. "Recife! Recife! Recife!" He chanted and I laughed, hugging him.

He put me down and Bogotá approached her. "He's right, kid. Don't let anyone walk all over you. You're too good for that." He pinched my cheek affectionately and I smiled, hugging him as well.

I was going to be better off like this after all.

...

Meanwhile, more days passed and seeing Palermo hurt a little bit every time, but being with people who really cared about me and loved me for who I am made me feel much, much better. I managed to get much closer with the boys, that being Matías, Bogotá and Denver. It was great, they were fun, they were interesting, and they were good people. And Nairobi encouraging me made me feel so happy inside, to finally have someone who truly cared for me.

But I was about to get the harshest reality check I could have ever gotten.

Alicia Sierra had managed to get in contact with Nairobi and manipulate her through her son. First she left her the boy's teddy bear, which contained a phone. I got worried when Nairobi accepted a call from the Inspectora. She started telling her that Axel was with her, and when Nairobi didn't believe her, she put him on the phone. Then she took him outside, encouraging her to look out the window. I felt something was off, until I realised what Sierra was doing.

"It's a trap! Nairobi, get away from there!" I yelled and without wasting a beat, I pushed her out of the way.

The sniper bullet cut through the air as if it was a hot knife cutting butter. Then I felt a pain in my chest and gasped in shock, but almost choked on the blood I was spitting. My hearing faded out and my eyesight blurred, but I could make out Nairobi's voice desperately calling my name and asking for help. I saw a few blurry figures, of which I only recognised Estocolmo and Nairobi, but I also tuned out a voice of which I couldn't forget the presence: Palermo. I could distinctly hear his anguished yells and cries as he tried to pick me up and bring me somewhere else. I wished I could hear what he was saying to me, but I lost consciousness shortly after.

...

*Palermo's POV*

She's shot.

She's shot. She's shot. She's shot.

I couldn’t calm my nerves as I paced back and forth, holding back my tears. Recife just got shot. I couldn’t believe what happened. Her life was on the line, likely because of me. I don't know why I broke her heart like that, I should have done anything else but that! And now she was lying on that cart, a step away from death.

"Somebody do something, carajo!" I cursed. "Anything you can! An anesthesia, a bandage, anything, just don't let her die!"

I heard Nairobi mutter something, but I didn’t have the energy to care. My best friend was dying, the very best friend that never stopped loving me even when I treated her like trash. She was brave and smart and intelligent and never failed to put a smile on my face. I wish things had gone differently, maybe if they had she wouldn’t be here like this.

"Okay, she's stable." Tokio said, making me breathe a sigh of relief. "She's in a coma and we don't know how long it will be until she wakes up, so she's going to need constant monitoring and observation, if we leave her alone like this and something happens, we're screwed."

"I'll stay with her," I volunteered immediately. "The rest of you go down to the furnace, we're almost there."

"Finally getting some common sense into that thick skull of yours, eh, Palermo?" Nairobi asked, her voice lacking humour completely.

"Why don't you mind your business, Nairobi? You still have a job to finish," I countered. I needed to be alone with Y/N now.

She just rolled her eyes. "Fine. Now come on, we need to move her somewhere safer."

...

We took her upstairs carefully and the others left to go back to their jobs. Finally, a moment alone with her. I sat down next to her and grabbed her hand gently, interlocking my fingers with hers.

"I don't know if you can hear me, corazón," I started. "But I need you to know how sorry I am for treating you like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was really overrun by grief and you remind me so much of him... but I don't want to talk about him. I'm so sorry you're going through this... I should have protected you, goddamn it! You've always stuck with me, you've been so patient, so kind, so sweet, waiting for me to treat you the way I did before. And guess what? To get me to remember you, you had to get shot. God, I'm so stupid! You're right, I have changed, but you had to pay the consequences while it should have been me..." a few tears started rolling down my cheeks. "Please give me a chance to fix this once you get better. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I lost such an important person in my life."

I rested my forehead on my other hand and cried shamelessly. "My God, I don’t know what to do with myself if I lose you. I already lost someone important, I already lost someone I loved. Please don't be next. Hold on, honey. You hold on and when we get out here I'm going to buy us an island off of the coasts of Japan, your favorite place, and then I'm going to marry you. We'll live on the island all alone, just us, where nobody can bother us. We'll have sushi every weekend and mochi whenever you want, the ice cream ones, just like you like them. And after a few years, I'll fill that pretty stomach of yours with lovely children, and we'll live the best life we could ever get."

I did the best I could to paint her that picture, hoping she could hear me. I want to do all of these things and more. I want to kiss her forever, then go to Japan and marry her and live the rest of our lives together. I want to give her children, who'll hopefully get her personality and both our brains.

But what if she didn't make it?

I wanted all those things. I love her. I love her more than she thinks. She's going to make it. She has to. Otherwise, I might not be able to move on from her.

...

A few days passed and I spent every single day with her to apologise for everything I had done to her, to tell her about everything I loved about her and our future plans. I refused to leave her side, not while she was in this condition. My eyes hurt from crying and my back hurt from sitting in the chair; I hadn't eaten since she got shot, I only had water, and it wasn't my intention to leave anytime soon. Not even to eat. Not even to sleep.

...

I was sitting next to Y/N, my hand in hers, hoping for any sign of movement. Nothing. All of a sudden, her hand twitched and I almost jumped up from my seat. She was awake! She was here!

I couldn't hold back tears as she opened her eyes and shifted her head to the side to look at me. She eyed me up and down, her eyebrows furrowed. "You look terrible," she said honestly, making me laugh. Her life was on the line and she didn't even leave her sarcastic personality behind. God, this woman was amazing.

"I know," I laughed, stroking her face. "I've been sitting here for days hoping you'd wake up. Listen, I'm really sorry for treating you like that. And I don’t just mean last week. Everything I did to you. You were right, I've changed, and not entirely for the better. I pushed you away without being aware the value of your feelings for me, and when you got shot I finally realised what I should have a long time ago. What I'm trying to say is that I really love you. Please, please give me a chance to fix things. I owe it to you."

She smiled as she teared up as well, which made me hiccup in tears, only this time they were of joy.

"Yes. You can have one more chance." She said.

I gasped softly and tried not to shower her with physical affection as I knew she was hurt.

"What are you still waiting for, Martín? Kiss me, you fool," she joked.

"Are you sure? Because once I start, I might not be able to stop." I replied sincerely.

She gave a small nod and I leaned my face closer to hers. Then she moved her face upwards and met my lips in a soft kiss. I felt my stomach drop to my feet at the feeling of her soft lips on mine, her hand trying to run her fingers through my hair. I smiled in the kiss and felt more tears falling down my face, but I didn’t care. Finally, she was with me. And I wasn't willing to let her go.

...

I woke up to a lot of bustling in the room: the crew was running around and swarming over Recife's body, and their frantic muttering was mixed with the unstable beeping of her monitor.

Shit, the monitor!

"What's going on? Why isn't anyone doing anything?! She's dying, hurry!"

"Palermo, honey..." Nairobi started. "...we can't save her."

I noticed the tears pooling inside her eyes and I almost forgot how to breathe. She was serious.

"No! There has to be something we can do to help! Just anything- no, don't touch that!" I yelled at Denver who was about to detach her from the drugs. "Don't you dare give up! She'll live, I know she will. She's a survivor!"

"I know she is, Palermo, but we're just putting her through useless pain. She's gone, she was since the Inspectora refused to let in the surgical team. She's the only one with proper medical training, if anyone could have done anything, it would have been Recife herself."

"Screw it! Screw all of it! Come on, Nairobi, help me out, please! Please, Nairobi! I can't lose her!"

I saw the hurt and pity in her eyes as she opened her mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, but we-"

Our argument was cut off by the sound of the monitor flatlining.

"¡No! ¡Carajo!" I yelled and punched the wall in a futile attempt to let out my anger. "No! No! Don't leave, please! Please, Y/N!"

The others hugged each other in mourning, but I let nobody touch me. I was too late. She was dead. She was gone forever. No more wedding in Japan. No more sushi and mochi at the weekend. No more children.

I sobbed loudly and clutched her dead body to my chest. I still couldn't believe she was gone. I still couldn't believe that I let love slip through my fingers again.

...

Before her funeral, I stopped by to see her once more.

She was still there, her wound clean and her face relaxed. My heart swelled at the sight and my eyes filled with tears again. I sat down on the cart and pulled her to me, her upper body laying on my lap.

"I'm sorry for this, mi amor. I should have protected you. I love you so much, remember that."

My tears dropped on her face and it looked like she was crying as well, which made me cry harder. My body racked with sobs and I held her beautiful face in my hands as I started singing her favorite song.

"Con los pobres de la tierra

Quiero yo mi suerte hechar

Con los pobres de la tierra

Quiero yo mi suerte hechar

El arroyo de la sierra

Me complace más que el mar

El arroyo de la sierra

Me complace más que el mar

Guantanamera..."

My voice cracked and I couldn’t help but give a soft kiss on the lips.

"Goodbye, my beautiful."

[aurora-313]

For the Fic Writer's Ask

4, 14 and 28

4. A story idea you haven't written yet.

This is technically two but both around the same concept. Tis my boi Kaien's birthday this Sunday so I have two story ideas in the works:

Set in a Shiba Ichigo AU, after many challenges, Miyako decides to surprise Kaien on his birthday by revealing they're going to be parents (which he promptly announces to the clan because "HOLY FCK I"M GOING TO BE A DAD!" :D :D :D).

Black and Blue verse where Kaien and a few friends are invited to Isshin's place for a birthday bash and while playing with his baby cousin (Ichigo is about 2 at this time), Isshin has a heart-to-heart with Kaien about family and potentially finding a new girl. "You've loved and lost, but that doesn't mean you can't love again. And I think above everything else, [Miyako] would want you to find happiness again." or to that effect. And that's kind of the point where Kaien starts thinking of a certain sharp-tongued lady friend in his company as something a bit more than a mere friend. (OFC he's hilariously shy AF so he denies they're dating until Ichigo ousts him in the story proper).

14. where do you get your inspiration?

For a lot of it? Honestly from all sorts of places. Warhammer 40k is obviously a big one, some old TV shows I watch. But honestly, its just the fact that no one's written the kind of stories I want to read. So I write them myself. Frankly, most of my motivation boils down to "I want more brotherly Kaien & Ichigo, damn it!". And obviously, as OMTSYA shows, I'm perfectly happy messing the dynamic and making Kaien the little shit kid brother in that arrangement. lol

28. you least favourite part about the writing process

My process actually involves writing out entire sequences by hand. The part I despise is my scatter brain tendencies to write completely unrelated to one another. Sometimes I end up going over stuff I've already written with subtle various.

As an example; I have at least 15 different hand written versions of Reincarnated Kaien meeting Ukitake for the first time alone, all of which are on the scale from comedic yet heartwarming to angsty, hostile and bitter.

My problem isn't the actual writing. My problem is I can't write the thing I actually WANT to write. Which is why it takes me so long to update. Its not a lack trying. Its being unable to channel the energy into the place I want it to go...

I'm working on it.

[broketiredandinattentive]

Screw the social model of disability.

I need to get this off my chest.

The popular understanding of the social model of disability has undermined my ability to be taken seriously. Yes, I am going to make this about me.

When people get on their soapboxes and start insisting that certain conditions wouldn't be disabling if society accommodated for them appropriately, 99% of the time, I am who they are imagining. I am a high masking neurodivergent. And I mean high af masking. I have two degrees, a full time job, a house, a fiancee, a step child, pets, and a car. As long as I hide my teeth, there is no outward sign of my disability to a stranger. Maybe someone might notice my pupils if I'm hypomanic. Only the slightest hint that something is wrong, and I've never had somebody pick up on it unless they knew my diagnoses.

What you will notice is my lack of social comfort. I'm very weird. I'm high masking, so I can play it off well. I really lean into it like it's a bit. I am the manic pixie dream girl. I am the quirky autistic. I am the fun, wild, enigmatic neurodivergent. I am a lot of fun in small doses.

But I am also the person who makes other disability advocates sick. I am the one who is disavowed. I am the one who is accused of "speaking over" others whenever I use my voice. I live in the grey area between fucked up and not fucked up enough.

So I am the perfect example for a stranger to point at and say, "If society didn't expect [X] from her, she wouldn't be disabled at all." In that moment, I am wholly invalidated in a way they cannot fathom. In that moment, I truly am the manic pixie dream girl, having her individual experience collapsed into a surface level understanding of how she interacts with the rest of the world. My inner world is irrelevant.

I can't clean myself.

I can't clean my house.

I can't manage my finances.

I can't tell when I have to use the bathroom.

I can't tolerate sunlight.

I can't tell how long anything will take or has taken.

I can't predict my energy levels.

I can't follow through on projects.

I can't update this fucking blog regularly.

My teeth are rotting. My esophagus is dissolving. My spine aches, and I can't finish a meal lately, no matter how hard I try.

But go ahead and boil my condition down to a quirkiness that the world can make allowances for. Insist that it's enough to not expect me to be on time, and ignore how I can't manage a short to do list on a completely open, unscheduled day. At your very worst, insist that the abundance of accommodations you provide me are proof that I'm not actually impaired at all.

It's the same as the conversation we keep having about glasses. I can't see. I can put on glasses. I can put on contact lenses. Even when I do, my eyes are still the wrong shape.

I was born wrong. I just was. I don't have to pretend that I am perfect to love myself. Perfection is not a prerequisite for acceptance. Society has a lot wrong with it, but it is not to blame for my broken brain, and you cannot fix me by changing your behavior. I pity anyone who cannot feel both broken and beautiful.

This shit feeds the people who insist that people like me are faking. Boil my entire condition down to quirkiness, and you have a legion of people arguing that it's not real. Sweep all the ugly parts under the rug, and you have entire communities insisting that we don't need help. To these people, the litter box is overflowing, and my teeth are aching because I'm a loser, not because I'm sick.

I don't need society to see me as capable. I don't want to be reframed as not disabled. I need people to understand that I am impaired. I need people to understand that my medications and therapies are keeping me alive. I need to be given grace and accommodations, not to eliminate my conditions, but to allow me to live a dignified life with them.

When you insist that disability is relative, you're not decentering the neurotypical experience. You're just pretending that we're not the weirdos. But we are the weirdos. And that's morally neutral. You can acknowledge an impairment without imposing a hierarchy beyond that of simple function. Yeah, neurotypical people are, on average, better at paying bills than I am. They can be good at that. I'm okay with them besting me in that arena. My worth as a human being isn't sapped from my bones just because somebody else is better at taking out the trash when it gets full.

Just let me be sick, ffs.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

He was silent. Always was, new people just trying to do their job or so that's what he's gathered from how many have come. They all come and go, some die others are lucky. Selling things they find to meet some kind of quota set by the entity they report to. Tarhos would never pretend to understand it, but... for everyone else he's seen. This one was different and he couldn't tell why. Perhaps that's why he was staring for so long, leaning out of the door way just out of sight until he turned around.

The creature could feel his pulse- the audible gasp, how they sweat probably clung to his brow beneath the mask. Yet.. he stared despite every instinct in his body telling him to run. Find a different position to strike from- it was his nature. Food was food and yet... he couldn't bring himself to hurt this one. No. "What do you want?" His spines shifted as he tilted his head. What did he want...? Tarhos wasn't sure himself. Still... slowly he crept across the metal grating to sit on the floor and stare up at him.

Maybe he'd seem less intimidating if he was smaller, but... he could still feel how his pulse quickened by just being this close. How many others of his kind had he seen? Killed even? "Can you understand me?" Of course he could. The creatures head nodded... but it wasn't as if he could speak back to him. His vocal cords couldn't mimic the same speech that he used. - the stupid af bracken!Tar and employee!Haru fanfic joke but reality just for u

── 𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 ── LETHAL VERSE (I cb we made this shit NFGKJNKJ)

The Bracken's submission did little to quell Haruko's rampaging emotions, he couldn't suppress the thunderous beating of his heart or relax his tensed muscles. How many of his friends had this sort of thing killed? Why didn't he take the time now to bash its head in and secure the building from at least one more freak of nature? His thoughts swirled and began to cook to a boil, their roars eclipsing the metallic clanging of a nearby fan and the gentle hum of the facility. Frankly he had no idea what to do. If he turned around to tell towards his coworkers would this thing get aggressive again and try to break his neck? Haruko mentally cursed; feeling his heart rate skyrocket - unsure to fight or to flee.

"Well - I - My buddies will probably try to kill you if they see you and I ... " He sighed, "I don't want any bullshit, ok? Back off and I won't hurt you, and you won't hurt me. Truce. - or ...whatever is the equivalent in your culture. If you have a culture - whatever that isn't important right now. Just - we promise not to hurt one another!" Haru sputtered out quickly, still quite flustered after nearly having the absolute shit scared out of him. He was going to hold out a hand to the creature but decided against it once he realized it might find that as an aggressive gesture - frankly he wasn't in the mood to bash this things brains in - so he'd behave. "I'm going to - errr - walk to my ... friends." He cringed internally, ugh - friends? Half of the time he questioned if he should have taken animal linguistics before coming on this mission since half the crew seemed to be speaking a different fucking language 75% of the time! " ... And bring them here. Do not hurt them or try any shit, do you understand?" Haruko's brows furrowed and his nose crinkled as he regarded Tarhos - mentally he took note of its beetlike color and ... flora adorning its shoulders and spine.

"Just stay here. I'll be riiiiiiiiiiiight back." The worker took a few steps backwards, keeping his eyes on Tarhos until he stepped into another hallway and let out a gasp of relief. His gloved hand rested atop his chest as a low groan followed his slowing breaths, "Fuuuuuuuckkkk, why me? Why me?" He whined and his shrill whimpering echoed through the facilities vent system. "Ok - ok, its fine. It's fine its just a sentient Bracken who understands English and at least basic human communication!" He brought his shoulders up and shrugged in a half pitched failure of trying to keep his head level. "Yeah! Yeah - it's ... it's not like they can ... "

Haru paused. The last clang of his boot against the steel beams under him bounced through the hallway; only to bring about an eerie wave of dread once everything had fallen silent.

Could they all communicate? ... Had they just been killing ... sentient life forms? Without any thought to them? Shit. Would the Company get sued? Could Bracken sue? Did they have a legal system?

"Really not in the mood to be having a existential crisis right now, brain."

Sorry.

"It's fine. Now where is the entrance ... ! Hey! Walter! Come here I found some freaky ass shit and I need someone to tell me I haven't finally lost it. I know I know "that's been long gone Haru" yada yada - I get it. I don't want to tell you what it is because you'll think I'm making it up! Just - just get the other guys and meet me back here."

[coffincest-philosophy]

crazy how cannibalism and satanism will go unnoticed but people will draw the line at incest. it’s supposed to be messed up like what do you expect?? also fiction ≠ real life.

personally? idgaf what the antis think about the ship because . they’re both hot af and ashley is so me coded hejej

your blog is super cool btw and i’m considering buying the game to play for myself

Yeah fandom is... interesting.

Honestly I mostly try to just block people and stay out of arguments. Arguing with people about fandom issues just makes me have a bad time and I'd rather spend my time online enjoying the things I like instead of getting heated over them. I've been part of tumblr fandom for over 10 years now, so my points of view on fandom drama are much more in line with older fandom.

I don't touch the "proship vs. anti" stuff with a 10 foot pole because I think both sides of the argument have been watered down to mean absolutely nothing. Antis have a different definition of what "proship" means than proshippers have, and proshippers have a different definition of "anti" than antis have. So at this point, to me, it's mostly just an argument about semantics, and that gives me too much of a headache to participate in. I stopped using twitter because of it since tumblr, although still not perfect, is a lot better.

My main point of view on most fandom drama boils down to: I can tell the difference between fiction and reality, but if you are someone who can't distinguish that line then it means you shouldn't participate in fandom for your own safety. At the end of the day, our brains all work differently, and we have no right to police others because of how our own individual thinking works. Block and move on, if you stop having a good time and it begins to effect you irl, maybe fandom isn't a healthy choice for you.

ANYWAY! The game is super fun and I totally recommend it! I'm actually not a fan of video games (normally I just watch lets plays) but I really enjoyed playing through the two chapters that are out so far and I can't wait for more to come out!! Hopefully you get a chance to play it!!

Also yes, Ashley is very hot. I want to thirst over her from a distance though and I hope she's never within a 1 mile radius of me for my own safety. Ashley, I promise I'm a lesbian and I have no interest in your greasy brother.

[kickassfu]

Tag ten people you wanna get to know better!

tagged by the wonderful @yourstrulyrene thank you!

relationship status: i will tell you if you solve these riddle three- jk. i'm obviously single.

song stuck in my head: right now? none. i dont think.

last song I listened to: Noah Kahan - Dial Drunk

three favorite foods: fried eggs, boiled eggs, omelets. (this is half a joke, but not really. i do really love eggs lol)

last thing I googled: uhhhhh something stupid probably lol

dream trip: it used to be japan (and i still wanna go) but like just cool places with ppl i love. like greece. i need to go visit Deppy eventually honestly. and greece is dope af.

anything I want right now: to be able to do the things i want without my brain being a dick :)

[procyo9]

Some People You Want To Get to Know Better

Got tagged by @nightmarecast, that was so nice of you and you had to wait for so long!!!!!! I'm so sorry about that ;~;

Favourite Color: Black and all shades of green!

Currently Reading: Still stuck on Goodnight Punpun, 20th Century Boys and OPM, still broke af lmao

Last Series: Chainsaw Man! It was gooood can't wait to buy csm manga sometime soon maybe

Sweet, Savoury or Spicy?: Maaan i love them all though!! Spicy might be first place tho

Currently Working On: More like what I would work on if my brain juice didn't boil over just by waking up lol. Right now I'm trying to work on an AU to my Signalis OC lore that's not even properly finished yet lol, hmm I've got some fics I work on (read: I add a few words every couple of days; it'll be finished eventually that way too fhgsdjh), also some Cyberpunk OC lore reworks?? Oh and also I'm training to be a manager soon jkshgskfg

Things You Want To Do: Go back to drawing. Start working on a game. Polish my 3D skills. Work on this little crossover project that I keep thinking about. STOP FORGETTING THINGS

Tagging: @koter-irl @drowninnoodles @suzubi-0 with no pressure ofc!! and sorry if you did this already -w-

[jeffsatursdayss]

The Eclipse Ep 1

Yes, I made notes on this, I have done it for quite a few different shows on my first watch but this completely boiled my brain so I need to type it out to make more sense of them. I also don't remember doing it so be prepared for an f-ton of nonsense

I watched this on YouTube so it's gonna be based on the four parts on there, with time stamps cause I need to order my thoughts

Part 1:

1:10 - Suppalo is a cult, I've watched literally on episode and I am utterly convinced of this already

5:02 - Khaotung is literally so hot like man wtf, you literally just finished taking a piss or something what

8:58 - "Catch me if you can" no joke I actually freaking screamed when he said this, and the thigh grab

11:10 - poor Ayan, I don't know who tf that guy is yet by my god I feel sorry for Ayan cause damn ✨trauma✨

12:52 - Khao is really hot, my gremlin brain was going absolutely feral at this point

Part 2:

0:15 - that's the high school from Bad Buddy, I shouldn't have recognised that so easily omg

0:55 - the ✨tension✨ is literally so palpable I could cut it was a knife

1:08 - Akk is definitely in a cult ( can't remember this part but probably accurate)

1:20 - EXCUSE ME!!! "You punch me once. I kiss you once." You confidently gay mother fricker Ayan are you trying to kill Akk and everyone else???

2:32 - Khao is such a good actor holy shit

3:35 - definitely a cult

4:15 - head teacher is scary af

7:00 - Pinkie knows something, I'm not sure what but she knows, and I know she knows

Part 3:

2:15 - Kan (I think that's his name?) gay panicking over Thua ( if I get names wrong I'm sorry but I know who I'm on about) is so hilarious and I'm so here for it

4:13 / 4:30 - Akk is 100% brainwashed oh my lord

5:15 - bro is not subtle ( also don't know who this is about, but applies to literally all the characters so far)

6:10 - how is Akks room so organized, the hell?? Is it something to do with the creepy cult? It probably is isn't it... Damnit

6:30 - oh Akks gay panicking, good for him (don't blame him Khao/Ayan is freaking hot)

8:40 - Kan and Thua being gay again, except now Kans deflecting with heterosexuality, wonderful

Part 4:

0:20 - god those 3 are so freaking weird, is this potentially a secondary cult?? If so I don't want it

1:25 - this place is definitely a cult, nothing is changing my mind about that now

3:30 - why does the guy who jumped the cliff look low-key like Earth (MLC) in certain angles???

4:05 - tragic backstories for the win

4:20 - oh Khaos crying, that's not good, baby don't cry

4:47 - seriously who is the dead guy, why is he in a photo from Suppalo, was he like a teacher or something?

5:15 - boys you are so unsubtle it's not even funny anymore, it's bordering on creepy

6:05 - confident gay Ayan/panicking repressed gay Akk, young love, so beautiful

6:40 - that cleaner guy is also creepy af, dude why are you just standing there!!!

7:50 - those 3 are still creepy

8:27 - why is there a hashtag about the school being creepy, what is this?

8:48 - Akk is 100% brainwashed, I've made up my mind

9:03 - Ayan is not ruining your school's reputation honey, you're doing it yourselves by being a freaking CULT!

9:35 - I WAS RIGHT! The guy was a teacher! I still don't know why Ayan knows him or gives a Frick but okay

After Watching:

I know there's a plot, at least I hope there's an f-ing plot, but currently the plot is not plotting in the way it's supposed to be plotting

I literally went through the 5 stages trying to figure out what the Frick is going on

How do I have so many notes from like 45 minutes?? There's something wrong with me, I swear

But!

New hyperfixation here we come I guess?? God I really hope not honestly, I'm still in Not Me and KinnPorsche

[scarefox]

Ugh my brain gave me one of the worst dream sensations this morning... while dreaming. Betrayal af.

I was in Japan in that dream and you could get a muffin from a vending machine. Got one but inside the muffin was a boiled egg but the worst part about it was that it was somehow treated to have the texture and consistency of a lychee it also tasted bad. But omfg eggs should not have the texture of lychees!!! Why would you do that to me.....

[psychopompbride]

i move out for college and got a place near my uni bcs I can't drive any vehicle whatsoever and public transportation is a myth. i lose my appetite often and walking quite some distance (to and from uni) with empty stomach got me dizzy spells and nausea unlike any other. i go to bed hungry bcs i compile my daily food intake in one meal only. i lose weight (which is good but also unhealthy) and my hair fall is getting worse. there were desperate moments when I can't eat anything bcs my work wasn't done yet and I don't have time to get up and get some food in. water can be nice but it's a temporary solution and i don't feel like going for a pee every 5 seconds.

at a time like this i could imagine ripping my teeth through a kilo of boiled chicken breast, or a whole loaf of bread lightly toast, or a whole pot of instant noodles. it's not the most pleasant thing to put into your belly, but when you're so empty you feel like you need most of everything to fulfill you. it's not the tastiest nor most nutritious but it curbs the hunger and you'll be able to carry on, even though the grease and carbs settling in your belly doesn't feel the least good. it's easier than cooking on your own, bcs I'm no cook so it might be shitty and it takes too much of my time anyway. in some sense, it's almost as if you could feel yourself withering away.

this is dramatic af but i think the severe state of hunger kicked my brain to work a bit and reflect on how i also applied this treatment to other aspects of me and my life, subconsciously or not. i realized i keep watching the same show on repeat (it's not a comfort show and no offense to other people who do this) bcs i know how it would make me feel, even though the boredom and mundanity might kill me someday. i never get to read new books or start a new podcast or pick up new hobbies that I've been dying to get to bcs it's long and i might not like it. i miss opportunities bcs what if i tried and turns out I'm no good for it? i forget about that lovely moss green dress bcs wearing it for the first time might resulted in a wardrobe malfunction.

so i don't really know what to make of this realization. that i have an eating problem and anxiety that stems from shitty time management? maybe. any advice?