#my brain is being mean to me :(
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i need someone to affectionately bonk me on the head with a paper roll or alternatively a metal pole
#my brain is being mean to me#negativity and feeling useless and all#i wish i could just like#Do Things and be normal#but no#anxiety
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i need to hit myself in the head with a large metal pipe
#my brain is being mean to me#YOU CAN LIVE A FULFILLED LIFE WITHOUT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BUD#STOP FEELING ALL NAUSEOUS AND TIGHT CHESTED ABOUT IT#IT IS O K A Y#THATS SOCIETY GETTING TO YOU#i need to be put down like a rabid dog
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Me: I'm going to read a bunch of Ghost fics with Copia so I can get a better sense of how to write for his character
Me after reading all the fics I can find: I don't know I might be writing him wrong :(
#my brain is being mean to me#the band ghost#cardinal copia#papa emeritus iv#papa copia#ghost#ghost band
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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Flower Empowered.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan wunian#The absolute chaos that ensued when Lan Wangji showed up...those girls went wild.#We have to give kudos to narration that takes the form of a bunch of suitor seeking ladies.#They were so loud about being here for the hotties and whispering gossip. You go girls.#Wei Wuxian most likely just picked up a already tossed flower to throw. Second hand flowers...are still flowers I suppose.#Can you imagine if LWJ had allergies? Poor lad.#Okay it's time for the real gritty discussion point. The one everyone is waiting for me to talk about:#So...from where we are in the timeline...what the hell is WWX supposed to be wearing?#I'm serious. Put all the fanart out of your brain for a moment.#We are post burial grounds and sunshot campaign so he's had his little goth moment reveal.#*BUT* he is still with the Jiang sect. And by proxy of this flashback talking about his disrespect - they never bring up his attire.#meaning he is likely in some kind of Jiang Purple.#Continuity wise it really feels like this scene should have been *before* the burial mounds.#I understand why it's post - we need to build up on the mystery of how he became the YLLZ.#But also his personality feels way more 'pre-burial mounds WWX'. I think this was probably a 'I don't want to kill my darling' scene.#(The Phoenix mountain flashback is a lot of people's 'darling'. I am knowingly putting myself in the line of fire here).#I'm willingly putting him in Wen Qing's borrowed cloak and assuming people take him wearing it as like...a war trophy.#Historians will revise this moment later on but for now he *is* a hero of that war.
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you. yes you, person with rejection sensitive dysphoria. this message is for you. your friends DON'T hate you. they aren't mad at you. they aren't talking behind your back or wished to cut their friendship with you. they love you and treasure you and they are good people who wouldn't hurt you like that! ok, that's all. have a nice day.
#this is for everyone with RSD... except for me#my friends do hate me and do think i'm a burden in their lives and they do wish they had a way to let me know they don't wanna be friends#anymore but they feel pity so they never do#... this is a joke that turned too real and too dark too soon#it'll get better#anyhow this message will self destruct in-#i'm all over the place my brain is being mean to me i'll go to bed ugh#nic posts#and drowns in self pity for NO REASON#i'm going to kick my brain's butt#ok ok bye#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd is a bitch#rsd things
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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if someone laid on top of me like a big weighted blanket i think that would fix me
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#why no one told me that trying to get in the “grown up life” is so stressful when you have zero experience in a real work#All the skills you have are not enough#At the same time you didn't have rest at all after graduating because of the outside pressure#And I feel like I became deadly annoying#Let me complain a little bit I swear to god this is like 2 time after college when I want to complain at something I'm not that strong#What do you mean there is no sign “We want YOU as our worker!” ahagsha funny#I have to learn about 2 new programms on a basic level at least#Learn new things on Toon Boom#Prepare different portfolios when turns out I barely have something I can show#I was thinking too little and now I barely can think and I start being irritated at myself yet can do nothing since my brain rebels#Okayyy just 2 more months to see if something will turns out good out of what I will be doing
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girls who go 🧍
#(+ obligatory Fern Pout. i think it's the grumbly noise she makes that really sells it but i still had to draw it)#been thinking about this with melody for a while#& was inspired to throw fern in the mix when i saw her standing there like a telephone pole during her third exam#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#sousou no frieren#fern frieren#(middle right is a manga panel redraw btw)#as much as i love dressing up melody in cute outfits & poses one thing i really love about her in canon is how a lot of the time#she's just kinda standing there in her signature potato sack dress#she wears dresses/feminine clothing but isn't really the “girly” type like bisky or palm#nor a Kickass Fight Girl™ but is still competent enough to participate in the plot#she values things like emotions music healing and protecting people without being “soft uwu Team Heart girl”#and not a mom/sister figure even with kacho or neon where she's in the position of protecting a younger girl#i know this word doesn't really mean anything but to my brain she's just *normal*#a depiction of femininity that i vibe with more than many others i guess#to some extent i feel that with fern too even if she's a bit more. well.#let's just say i spent two minutes in the fern tag and the amount of anime tiddies in there does not surprise me in the least
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ark aftermath
#being in the ark with knives who had gathered such immense power definitely fucked with vash's brain#their fight before the ark haunts me. what do you mean 'blackness of decay' jesus christ#it reminds me of 'youve got more of them...scars'#knives seeing that his brother is actively like. dying.#also what do u mean knives tried to merge with him. that definitely took a toll on both of them#anyway so vash has vivid hallucinations of his brother and whatnot#wolfwood hates himself for that obviously#just imagine the horror he would experience if vash called him 'knives'#vash literally spitting blood because 1) anxiety 2) hes so fucking tired and tortured and shit#he wants a break guys give him a break#but ooobviously vash (the man he is) he'll never accuse wolfwood of trapping him in the ark. of betraying him etc#so he'll just be happy to be there alive and relatively well and hope the same for his brother#at least for the time being before vash meets him and kills him#this is the longest comic ive made sorry if it feels a bit rushed/not well concluding#best i can do#its been kicking my ass for the past week and i just wanted to be done w it#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun maximum#trigun fanart#my art#millions knives#<- for a fragment of a second#what else#tw hallucinations#tw blood#tw emetophobia
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I've had Ludovicas girlfriend on the brain for months and finally sketched her out. I see her as the opposite to machete in that she has dark colours and softer shapes. Her ears and facefur kinda blend together and she gets big soft browneyes..
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#you've had Ludovica's girlfriend stuck in your brain for months??#oh no now I feel kind of bad about being so vague and noncommittal about her design and personality and everything#I should've made up my mind ages ago#I like her expression here#she looks like a calm and quiet but no nonsense type of lady#at least to me I mean#I'd love to make her uniformly black/dark grey#but I know from experience that it would make her facial details and expressions hard to see#it's entirely possible to make it work but it takes some extra effort#adding even a small focal point (some kind of marking or lighter eyes for example) to anchor the viewer's attention helps a lot#I'm rambling sorry#I think about her often but keep going in circles#but the same thing happened with Ludovica and her design so I'm optimistic that this one will sort itself out eventually as well#I'm flattered ypu find her interesting! I promise I'm working on it#gift art#featherfrond#own characters
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Our Flag Means Death 1x4 | 1x6 | 2x6 | 2x7 ⇉ if the bed nook could talk...
#ngl it's driving me bonkers a little that ed was about to kill stede IN the bed nook like behind the curtains#and the scene is filmed so erotically??#the lighting and ed's low voice when he says “scary as hell” and the hand he gently places on stede's back#and instead of killing stede he relives his trauma related to killing#and stede takes care of him so so gently and that scene is ALSO very intimate#they could've just as easily put jim's shadow show in the bed nook and ed's hiding place in the library nook but no#they put ed and stede together in the bed nook#and it's the only other time they're both in there with stede drawing the curtains closed BUT we're behind the curtain with them#sorry this just set off a lot of thoughts on my latest rewatch aksdhjsk THERE'S SOMETHING THERE#also i know i made a similarly themed set with just the 1x4 and 2x7 scenes but the “murder attempt” scene being one of these 4 intimate one#with the two of them together in there#idk i've been rotating it in my brain#ofmd#ofmd s2#our flag means death#ofmdedit#ofmdsource#ofmd gifs#ida.stuff#ofmd 1x4#ofmd 1x6#ofmd 2x6#ofmd 2x7#edward teach#stede bonnet#blackbonnet#gentlebeard
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At rest, your lungs wish to deflate, and your ribcage expands outwards.
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Friday the 13th!#This is scientific fact btw!#Ventilation operates through a series of active and passive forces#The active forces being muscular contraction with inhalation and exhalation having their own set of muscles.#but the interesting part is the passive forces at work:#The lungs have a certain level of elasticity to them - meaning the more they expand the more the those elastic forces are functioning-#-to try and return the system to rest (exhalation passive forces). Your diaphragm is the main force - pushing against the lungs at rest.#Your ribcage on the other hand is under a state of being pulled outwards. It *wants* to be as open as possible.#These to contradicting forces create a constant push and pull which assists in the ebb and flow of air. Most significantly with exhalation.#Now that being said - the primary action of inhalation ventilation is through control centers in your brainstem.#If you lose connection to that due to trauma you're going to need ventilation assistance.#Small note: Respiration is the cellular event of chemical exchange in the alveoli. Ventilation is airflow and pressure.#They are both important but also very different things. Sadly used interchangeably.#My anatomy nerd brain is screaming over the inaccurate ribcage...but its...recognizable. I will get it right one day.#Okay nerd rant over (I cut out a lot of stuff about pressure gradients. They are cool. To me.)#This is a redraw of an mspaint doodle I made back in april. I yearn to make the Yiling Laozu eerie as he deserves#Tear that bitch (affectionate) apart!#Been playing around with hatching for a while and its amazing how many styles there are! Not sure I'll stick with this one (but it was fun)
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"And they don't know how much they’ll miss At least until you're gone like this"
other version under cut
and a closeup for his ID:
#haha im insane bc of ninjago dr#ninjago#ninjago dr#lego ninjago#ninjago dr spoilers#jay walker#nya smith#jay ninjago#nya ninjago#ninjago jaya#ater art#MAN am i excited for next ninjago season#the new series is amazing#very tasty drama#haha what do you mean that jay and nya havent seen each other for years#and dont get me started on jay being an agent. who gave him a gun i just wanna talk#oh man and the SPOILERS. im so excited#i tried sooo hard to use softer colors#sdjsd fun fact. i colored nya and then my brain went. you know what would hurt more? boom water nya#i hallucinated this scene while driving back home. enjoy#discretly showing my ninjago headcanons lol#oh. and the song lyrics are from falloutboy heaven iowa
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