#my brain is also not a good place rn
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I had such a shit day yesterday 🥲
#at work my colleagues made racist and transphobic remarks and then made fun of me for calling them out on it#my neighbors were super loud until 1 am and the police actually came but didnt do anything about it#my mom sent me papers that indicate that i might have a heart condition she just never told me about#on top on everything i feel like im going to have another lumbago or herniated disc bc it hurts in my hip/back when i step on my left foot#my brain is also not a good place rn#i feel like i need to cry it out big time but its still cooking and i just have teary eyes all the time#im so tired#ive also complettely bitten through my new mouth guard what the fuck is wrong with my mouth
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wizard of both ways
#pokemon#swsh#champion leon#wizard leon! Ive messed arounf with this piece for literal months#and like yesterday my brain was like okay either you finish this or you explode and die#so. been finishing this up#now I can return to work in peace....#this is! also a revision of an old design#which was kinda made up as I was goin so it wasnt the most coherent thing. but I was like well. its a wizard design#cowboy wizard... sword and pen..... being in two places at the same time..... this is what this wizard is about now#the number of wizard leons Ive got is still at a round ten rn I think. into this new year I'd like to shore up and make a zine for em#got a big to do list this year... hope I get to everything#but for now. we return to the good work. we live n we see#have a good day guys! I get a snack now. a botato jacket. I wish u the opportunity for the same
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several sentence sunday
hello! from this post i saw on here yesterday and also the ridiculous would u peel an orange for me tweets
He imagines his heart as a citrus fruit, bright and bursting. This feels like digging a nail into the rind, working your thumb in, peeling it; quick, because this is already a familiar act—so much of loving Buck feels like memory, even the new. Half of what’s inside, the softest, stickiest, most tender parts of Eddie, given to Buck. The way Buck holds and handles with wonder each wedge of it like it’s—maybe not the first he’s ever had, not some Garden of Eden shit with its contorted belief of sin behind wanting and sharing, but like he’s going to savour it for the rest of time, plant the seeds inside that full-of-life place in his own chest. Keep Eddie there, look after this thing they’re giving each other so they can grow: upwards and intertwined and old together. Jesus, has Eddie always been this gross? This kind of giddy-in-love feeling that has every cell in his body vibrating with want and excitement and—joy, isn’t it? Untouchable, unshakeable joy, every time Buck so much as looks at him, never mind the touching and the telling and the loving on. That’s normal at the start of a relationship, Frank had told him. Yes, even an adult one, not a teenage hormone in sight. It’s just—his relationship with Ana hadn’t really had that, even at the start. And his second go-around with Shannon had been fraught with way too much hurt still held onto by them both. Attraction, passion, desire—check, check, and check. But this simple exhilaration, this fucking thrill that runs through him every time he remembers he gets to take Buck’s hand whenever the urge strikes? Every time Buck takes his hand, casual and easy? It’s a rush like no other. But that fades, right? You date for a few months, you live together, you learn, or relearn, every one of the annoying fucking habits the other person has, intimately, and you love them, so much, but the giddiness fades, right? But they’re coming onto a year, and there’s a ring stuffed into the bottom of the pair of Eddie’s socks he’s sure doesn’t have holes in them, and still, still, he thinks of Buck and he wants, giddy. He looks at Buck and the excitement is a full-body thrum. He reaches for Buck and the joy inside him is bursting, demanding, cannot be contained; it spills over and stains them, sticky like his split-open heart. And maybe that’s okay, he thinks, that he gets to feel like this without a deadline. Because if he gets to give it to Buck, press it into his hands and his mouth and the wispy curls at his hairline? It feels like joy is the point, and Buck’s the glowing foundation of it, and Eddie’s ready, actually, to spend a very long time getting accustomed to just how much happiness is his to keep.
idk where this fits yet, might belong to a wip or may write something more around it :)
tagging @onward--upward @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @chronicowboy @colonoscopys @rewritetheending @jeeyuns @zahlibeth @anakinfallen @buckactuallys @bucksbignaturals @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @eowon @clusterbuck @try-set-me-on-fire @butchdiaz @transboybuckley @devirnis <3
#feeling not good in many things rn but feeling very Full Of Love abt my friends! would peel oranges for all of ya#wip#also. been a bit wildly up and down lately and my brain feels like a stretched-out saggy rubberband from the whiplash#which is to say. i’m so sorry if im taking ages to reply i don’t mean to be ignoring you i’m just a little all over the place#but i love u and will get it together soon
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@naffeclipse
Them ❤️
#HOLD ON IMMA RAMBLE IN TAGS#my ârt#fnaf daycare attendant#cryptid sightings#naffeclipse#OKOKok so maybe I got busy with school for a few weeks there and couldn't keep up#BUT last week I finally sat down and read like 6 chapters in a row#and my stars I am bouncing off the walls#naff naff listen these demon guys live in my brain#this is exactly how I got excited during sleuth jesters naff you have sorcery#good lord you know how to write tension and foreshadowing#I have theories I have thoughts but I truly just want to see all the guns placed on stage and they are about to go off I can feel it#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh their emotional conflict is killing me and ripping my heart out#they want to say something so bad but also protect the bean bc they're clearly scared and they're gonna freak out but#can they calm the heart down before it runs away?#naff I am not joking this is literally my favorite thing rn#anyway it's almost 2am have a lovely night!!!!#friend fanart#tw blood
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Can we get more Spider-Man content? I’ve already read through all of the current ones, and I crave more. All of your posts are great and I’d love to see more of them.
I’d love to make more fun posts but I’m still recovering from being sick rn and classes just started back so I’ve been mostly suffering these past few days so my brain just hasn’t really been working 😭
But! I can leave this one thought for you:
Peter Parker working for Norman Osborn while he’s still an undergraduate and getting into a whispered heated argument with him when Norman a) takes one of Peter’s designs and unveils it without crediting him and also b) removes safety features from it to make it cheaper to manufacture it
Peter quits on the spot when he realizes Norman isn’t sorry for what he’s done and isn’t gonna make things right, and Norman threatens him with never getting to “work in this town again” and good luck proving those were his designs and Oscorp’s also keeping all of Peter’s other stuff that they’ve stolen from him
(This is about the time that Norman’s started taking the goblin serum so he’s just at absolute peak asshole™️ mode)
Within seconds of Norman telling Peter he won’t stand a chance against Oscorp’s legal team, especially as a broke college student, Matt Murdock shows up after sprinting towards them (his super hearing letting him hear the entire argument) to hand Peter his business card and let him know he’ll take his case pro-bono
#I know people say they spend a lot of time on tumblr when they aren’t doing okay#but I feel like I’m the opposite#if I’m making a lot of posts then there’s a good chance I’m in a good place to be creative#(or maybe I’m procrastinating something 😭)#also!! putting tags on reblogs helps me with creating posts 🥺👉👈#it’s always great to either get feedback or to have someone add something that I can then add to#making a fun creative cycle#this ask feels like it came from my brain#especially with that spidey dream I had#I want to make more spidey (and Star Trek and aliens and DP) posts#but just getting through the day rn is taking all my energy 😭😭😭#Spiderman#spider man#spider-man#Peter Parker#norman osborn#green goblin#matt murdock#daredevil#ask#ask box
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I can't explain how OBSESSED i am with this specific part
#the whistle note literally blew me away when i heard it live#it just makes the instrumental sound ten times good idk the timing is perfect it hooks you in#it's toward the end of the song but it makes you wanna hear more#LIKE IT JUST SCRATCHES MY BRAIN RIGHT i need this remix on Spotify RN#also hyunho dancing to this part is just perfect PERFECT#the way hyunjin tilts his head WITH THE SMIRK#minho lowering his jacket in slow mo then putting it back in place with the kick#I NEED THEM ON STUDIO CHOOM WITH MIX AND MAX I NEEEED ITTTTTT
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'please i have a family !! of ocs'
#just me hi#i think i was having some sort of difficulty in work at a pizza place while playing w/ my brother hgkfhsjv#/having a normal moment rn. how's the. w. [stares out the window]#i haven't had this problem in a while where i am so Into a thing that i cannot conceive of anything to do w/ it. like i could be drawing.#but also i may be physically incapable bc the Vibes from the Thoughts are so strong lmfshvg#like could you Imagine? Imagine. woahg [bonks its head on the window]#the ! ! ! everything !!!#gwauuuuuuuuuu [rolls around]#there are some traditional doodles i wanna digitize i like em a lot but until them i'm just gonna be here. brain full of cherry juice hfvsh#maybe i'll get a doodle or a drabble or a character description done who knows !! but houuuu#i have software that's really good at coming up with stuff but not like. actually making stuff long-term. just a lot of creative stops and#goes. oh wells! it'll happen whenever i can get it to lol :)#i have GOT to go lie face-down in some leaves about this though. toodles Bfhsvh .w.
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every time i go to a local queer event i'm like this is it this is how i find both a cute lil twink bf and manly big bear bf (bonus if they're both trans) and we'll be in love forever and have great sex and then i go to the local queer meet up and all i do i walking away making some new friends. which isn't bad or anything but it's always so funny to me because literally what did i expect.
#also genuinely not in a place to date anyone but the impulsive part of my brain wants to be in love immediately#but that prob wouldn't be good for me rn lol
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And btw I got the shinryu shirt 😋
#ITS SO DOPE.#I also got many a charm I ordered while white girl wasted the other day. I put zero on my phone she is going on an adventure with me now#mostly cus seeing her overloads my brain with whimsy and love and I need that more than ever rn. shes so good.#the third package that I somehow got today (thank u usps?) well. I.#txt#ignore the coffee stains down my arm im about to shower. I had to autism out.#the telophoroi charms I got have been lowered into a well and they will rot there. YAY! (aka I preordered an ita bag. they will have a#place eventually…)
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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good morning i can't stop thinking about my gf telling me my body was made to be worshipped as she kissed down my stomach and thighs end me end me end me end me end me end me en
#she's impossibly hot and the things she says make my brain melt#i apologized for making positions difficult bc i can't put pressure around my ribs rn so she couldn't support herself on top of me smoothly#and she literally pinned my arms down and told me i have nothing to apologize for and she just wants to make me feel good#and she doesn't want to cause me any of this kind of pain (wink) so she wants to know what would hurt so she doesn't do it#and i just#swooned#so simple to be accommodated but the first time i have to ask for an accommodation during sexy time i always feel a lot of ways#but also for her to like assertively say 'no i'm taking care of you tell me how to do it best'#swoons even harder#literally just put me in my place and tell me you're doing something for me bc you know i need/want it but just can't 'accept' the help#it's a secret hack that lets my brain let other people do things for me/cater to me if you just take it by force fyi#cnc: soft gentle head from your gf edition#hikey#j ☀️
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ohh so itz one of Those days for me today huh.
#days where i ponder What if my friends and also literally everyone ever all Hated me due to the Valid reasons for hating me.#and then i spend so much time contemplating 1) what i would do if Everyone hated me and how i would explain myself in various situations an#places. what i would say how people would react what i would do in response etc. and then also 2) i contemplate and recontemplate my belief#over and over even tho i Know by now how i feel. because What if my opinion changes and i realize i was wrong before. and i finally arrive#at the perfect answer that feels Right and Good and True and which i could adequately explain to anyone and convince anyone of itz Rightnes#and Correctness. like thats not gonna happen thats not an answer that Exists can i chill out and focus on my classwork pleas.#i mean actually i have gotten some shit done. but i have More to do still. and i should work on more things instead of Contemplating and#Feeling bad over and over in ways i knooowwww will not lead me anywhere new. but what if they do!! what if i stop thinking about things and#then one day i would have had some realization if only id thought more but i didnt!#like come on. theres more productive things i can be doing with my time than going back and forth about this. pleaseee. this will not lead#to anything new can i Please do something useful and not bad-feeling with my time instead#but also i should not avoid uncomfortable thoughts just because they feel bad.. itz Important to be uncomfortable sometimes in order to gro#hhhhhhhhhhhh. this has been my brain all day whenever im not sufficiently distracting myself with conversation or school work.#imagining and running through scenarios of what would happen if various strangers and friends found out and disliked me for some things#is Not a good or productive use of my time rn. i need to focus on not failing any classes Please
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the legends speak of it as a kind of enthrallment: the life ended by the tiger is tied to the tiger. in this way there is a line of souls following the beast, for no reason except to show that they were killed. that they could be saved - if only the beast would die [...] in the dark of the wood you see it walk, shadow to shadow, followed by loss after loss after loss, a tail trailing seemingly into the deep death of night [...]
#bakuspecial#cw: body horror#cw: nudity#ask to tag#hi. this is actually not at all the piece Ive been sitting on. I just suddenly really wanted to sketch this at 4 last night#and now. it got done before the one Ive been looking at for uhhhh four days! awesome#this legend I only know like colloquially but it is real btw. iirc#like if a tiger mauls u ur soul has to follow it around until it does#dies. I mean dies. when it does anything is kinda why ur there in the first place#this is very divorced from its full context tho lol tigers and most big animals were generally thought to be long lived and uh. magic?#like they become sapient. when they live long enough. and they start learning spells n shit#so when u become tiger thrall its assumed the tiger actually has stuff for u to do. ur not just following it doin nothing#granted the stuff its assumed it'd want u to do's probably fucking up people's lives or find more stuff for the tiger#greed is also assumed for these beasts generally. so yeah#okay holy fuck I should NOT be awake rn. my brain is not working anymore#have a good night lads. had a really fucking good beef stew tonite. here's to many more of those and for u guys to have some
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WAIT HELP I READ TOO FAST 😭😭
omg but who are your favs in the twdg games... 😳😳😳
OH HFHGFHJ ITS FINE I DO THAT ALL THE TIME TOO BUT YEAH AS YOU KNOW I LOVE THE GAMES AND SHOW AND ALSO THE COMIC!! BUT FOR THE GAMES UHMMM..omg this is SUCH a tough question honestly?? like, i feel very complicated about basically every character in this series so its hard to just pick one fave....
hmm i will say tho i have ALWAYS loved Lee and Clementine (obviously,who doesnt hehe) i just love them sm 😭the first game just makes me so emotional FRFR in the first game i also loved Ben,Chuck, Omid and Christa and Molly!! id also include Kenny but...i have a sorta love/hate relationship with that guy 😭😭😭😭hes such a good character tho!! in general i think the first game was just so good😌😌
for the other games im less familiar with them since ive only played the other seasons once each so my memory is probably a little off,but i remember really liking Sarah ,Nick,Luke and Jane from the 2nd season,but again i think some of these characters are like. love/hate with me currently,i think s2 is so turbulent that its kinda hard to pick faves really (for me atleast) with the 3rd season i remember LOVING that Tripp guy and also Javier,but its been years since i last played the game so i probably have a bunch of different opinions on everything now😭😭in general i just dont remember too much from that game,i definitely have to replay it eventually..for s4 tho?? hmm honestly,i think i loved like,90% of the cast in that LMAO but i think i liked uhhm AJ the most.and also i think his name was Asim (or aasim) and Ruby,i liked them alot i think,and louis and violet too 😌😌😌also the dog?? does the dog count??? in general i just thought the characters were pretty interesting in that game,but again i think ima just have to replay all of these again to see how i REALLY feel
ANYWAYS THANKS FOR THE QUESTION AURA!!! i would LOVE to know your faves too😈😈😈😈😈😈
#my friend!!!!!!!#cant believe im getting a twd question in our modern year 2024 (thank you. i cannot get enough of this stupid zombie franchise)#maybe the zombies were the friends we made along the way (?)#i think rick grimes said something to that effect in like season 5 or something .sorry#I LOVE THE WALKING DEAD GAMES SOO MUCH#the first game i ever got a platinum trophy on was twd s1 for the ps3#lots of good memories. it scared me so much but i was so infatuated with the world i HAD to do everything in it#i think its funny how i got into this whole series through the games.didnt even know anything abt the show#it came out in like..2012 right?? 2013?? so i was lik 7 or 8 .crazy#yes i still get scared at these games. im stil lscared of fnaf. sue me. yes i still cry at the ending to s1#SUE ME IDC#me when the father figure has to leave.me when the figure who is a father to young girl has to abandon her for reasons they cant control#me when fathers. me when men who father children who arent their own and love them like their own cuz they are kind and good.#clenches fists...oughhh...family..#anyways this is so crazy cuz i was thinking about playing the games again like a week ago#can you read my mind?????????? probably. clown to clown communication. gg fan to gg fan communication#isnt it so crazy that twdg are taking place at like the exact same time that like. the show (or comic i dont remember) is??#like. i dont rlly think abt that enough tbh. its kinda crazy to me#the fact that we had glenn for like 1 (one) chapter in the games is so crazy to me. he was just out there#i also really liked glenn but idk if he counts since he was like.a cameo. he was like a disney channel show cameo idk#anyways sorry for the rants.i just had my vitamins im CRAZY im PSYCHO rn!!#anyone else ever get a lil emotional thinking abt kenny. im sure we all do. but. oughh. s2 kenny and lee comparison makes my brain hurt#anyways. i need to STOP im a MADMAN RN#see this is what happens when you ask me about my interests. leave me alone (joke. pats you on shoulder and smiles softly)
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the pain of brainrot is watching literally anything and going hm how can i make this abt arthuriana
#girl help. i’m suffering from a little known disease called adhd#also those who requested sexy knights i am almost done w the first one!#very sorry it’s taking a bit uhhh understandably my brain is. a bit all over the place#but! we’ve stopped dissociating which is good!!#so just know since i am still taking suggestions. please be patient i have a lot going on rn both with. the state of the world. and my -#personal life#beep beep richie
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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