#my brain hurts so much from studying today but i will stay up to gif !

[thepersonnamedsam]

she got this - op81

pairing: oscar piastri x academic!girlfriend

summary: oscar visits his girlfriends bachelor thesis defending

word count: 1.3k

face claim: phoebe bridgers

warnings: a swear word, some angst - mentions of a panic attack

note: this is for my baby @lissyontour, you got this, pls wish her good luck for today <3

oh and it’s my first oscar fic, hihi, enjoy it

and there is some of the bachelor thesis… i had to include some of it, thanks to chat gpt

masterlist / taglist

Fuck, was she nervous. Her head was spinning and her legs were jelly - no, scratch that - her legs were liquid.

Her eyes were trying to focus on something, just something that would help her back to reality. She knew she was somewhere else right now, somewhere where she shouldn’t be.

Why wasn’t Oscar with her? Why was she alone? This was not how she planned it!

Her heart was beating, she felt it nearly pop out of her chest. It almost hurt. Oscar should’ve been here with her, but a last minute meeting with Zak just threw her plans overboard.

Her breath quickend and her hands searched for the only safe thing she could think of, her phone. Her fingers quickly glided over the screen and Oscars answer made her hold her breath for a second.

Standing in front of the auditorium, the heavy red doors made her uneasy. It’s gonna be time soon.

Oscar had to hold himself back not to text her that he was actually sitting in the front row and waiting for her to enter the room. He knew it was cruel. But he just had to do it.

He was so much more nervous than her. He watched her write that bachelor thesis for over six months now. At every race she was sitting in his drivers room with at least ten books and her laptop. Only just for the last five laps she came out of the room to watch him race.

He appreciated her coming, she could’ve just stayed at home and studied, but she always came with. Multitasking her way through her studies. And he was so proud of her. There was no way he would miss her final step of the way.

And he knew his cruelty was all worth it, as she stepped into the room and her eyes spotted his. Her whole face lit up and he could almost spot some tears of relief.

„What are you doing here?“, she mouthed. A small smile on her lips. „Supporting you“, he mouthed back, matching her smile.

„Welcome Ms y/l/n!“, her professor welcomed her. „I am exited to hear you defend your bachelor thesis about; How Greek Mythology influenced modern literature.“

She smiled at her favourite teacher and took out her thesis. She closed her eyes for a second, breathed in and out again. She was ready. Oscar knew she studied English literature and oh did that make her sexy.

But he had no idea of Greek Mythology or modern literature by any means. Yes, he read her thesis at least twice, but did his brain understand anything she meant? It did not. Being the smart one was all her job.

„Welcome Professor McAllister, dear colleagues, guests and friends. I hereby welcome you dearly to my defending of my bachelor thesis: How Greek Mythology influenced modern literature.“

Oscar listened intently and always smiled when she looked at him for reassurance. His heart was swelling with proudness. He soon had a girlfriend with a bachelor degree.

„In the vast tapestry of literary evolution, Greek mythology stands as an enduring thread, weaving its timeless narratives into the very fabric of modern literature. As contemporary authors navigate the labyrinth of inspiration, they find themselves entwined with the rich tapestry of gods, heroes, and mythical creatures that originated in ancient Greece.

The resurgence of interest in Greek mythology can be traced to its profound impact on archetypal storytelling. From the lofty heights of Mount Olympus to the depths of the Underworld, these tales resonate with universal themes that transcend temporal and cultural boundaries. Authors draw from the exploits of Zeus, the sagas of heroes like Achilles, and the tragedies of figures like Oedipus to explore complex facets of human nature. The gods' capriciousness mirrors the unpredictable forces that shape our destinies, while the struggles of mortals against divine intervention echo the perennial human quest for agency in the face of cosmic uncertainty.

Prominent literary figures, from James Joyce to J.K. Rowling, have paid homage to Greek mythology, infusing their works with echoes of ancient narratives. The hero's journey, a concept rooted in the mythic structure of heroes like Perseus and Hercules, serves as a narrative template for protagonists in contemporary novels. These echoes are not mere nostalgic nods; they represent a perennial dialogue between past and present, a dialogue in which timeless themes find new expression.

Moreover, the enduring allure of Greek mythology lies in its malleability. Authors wield the myths as allegorical tools to explore issues ranging from power dynamics and hubris to the nuances of morality. The Hydra of Lerna becomes a metaphor for societal challenges that sprout anew when seemingly eradicated, and the labyrinthine trials of Theseus mirror the complexities of modern ethical dilemmas.

In essence, the enduring influence of Greek mythology on modern literature is a testament to the universality of its themes and the perennial resonance of its characters. As authors continue to delve into the wellspring of ancient tales, they discover not relics of a bygone era, but rather a living reservoir of inspiration that fuels the imagination of generations, perpetuating the eternal dance between the ancient and the contemporary.“

Her voice angelic as it could be, drew in people who never even heard of the topic. You didn��t have to be interested in Greek Mythology to listen to her thesis, because she delivered her speech that even Oscar understood and left him wanting to know more about it.

My god was he proud. He was in awe, his beautiful girlfriend standing up there, speaking about her passion and delivering it in a way he never thought she could.

Even the look on Professor McAllister made him proud. She looked at his girlfriend with a proud smile, nodding along with her and reassuring her. She was gonna ace this.

Oscar was snapped out of it when the whole auditorium clapped. She was standing with the biggest smile on that stage. Oscar just had to get a picture of her. His new wallpaper.

„Thank you, Ms y/l/n. This was magnificent! We‘ll just discuss real quick and we‘ll be back with your grade. You can be proud of yourself, Ms y/l/n“, Professor McAllister told the young woman on stage.

And as soon as they left the room, she squealed and ran to Oscar. He opened his arms and let the girl spring into his embrace. „Hi“, he whispered. „Hi“, she whispered back. „I thought you weren’t coming?“

He laughed, a real deep belly laugh. „I had to surprise you!“ She hit his shoulder and said: „I hate you, but I’m glad you came.“

„You did so well, my love. I am so proud of you! We have to celebrate afterwards, anything you want.“

The time together was cut short, when the door opened again and the four professors walked in again. „Ms y/l/n, please, have a seat“, her professor said and pointed to the chair sat in front of the four.

She nervously walked over to them and smiled at them. „No need to be nervous, you did well, you can be proud of yourself.“

They talked stuff Oscar didn’t understand. But when he saw a big smile form on her face, he knew she received the best grade she could’ve. Proud, that’s the only word that came to Oscar’s mind.

„I love the boys“, she told Oscar. He smiled up at her and said: „I know you do, but only I can celebrate with you today.“ She giggled and would’ve almost kicked her feet, if it weren’t for the others in the room.

Professor McAllister handed y/n her diploma and told her they’d see each other at official ceremony. After that, Oscar and his girlfriend almost sprinted out of the auditorium.

oscarpiastri

liked by yninsta, landonorris and 82‘729 others

oscarpiastri how did we get from that to this?

view all 22‘219 comments

yninsta the first one is NOT me, idk where you got this from

user1 weren’t we all at that point during our studies?

user2 yes, yes we were

yninsta glad i wasn’t alone…

oscarpiastri so it was you

yninsta oop-

landonorris congrats, y/n! when we gonna get a lecture about greek mythology from you?

yninsta any day you want

landonorris now?

oscarpiastri no, now she’s busy with me

landonorris ewww, my eyes are scarred, don’t ever come back to the mclaren garage

oscarpiastri i didn’t mean it that way

yninsta he did

landonorris you’re just kids

user3 we love an academic wag

user4 so proud of you, y/n!

mclaren congratulations, y/n, next podium is for you 🍾

yninsta thank you, admin

yninsta thank you, baby

oscarpiastri i am so proud of you, darling

loganseargant i cannot believe i have a friend with a bachelors degree…

yninsta better believe it, american boy

user4 do u even know what a bachelors degree is..?

user5 american slander, we love it

alex_albon we are all proud, y/n

user6 we really are

yninsta thank you all so much, i love you guys so much

georgerussel63 oh no, she’s getting sentimental, let’s stop here guys

°°°

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[sensei-venus]

gosh darn it tumblr. 😭 my original ask had a request for daniel x female reader where they're at daniel's place doing homework & the reader gets distracted by how attractive he is (aka horny) and one thing leads to another and they end up fucking and that homework gets shoved off the bed so fast

(Unedited)

“Uhhhh I hate this! How are you so good at this stuff when I just straight up suck at it!”

“It’s because I actually pay attention and take notes, not sleep all class. Like someone in this room.”

Reader huffed as she rolled onto her side on Daniel's bed. She fanned out on his bed and groaned into the mattress in annoyance. Her brain hurt just from the thought of another math problem. Daniel was way better at this stuff then she was and she wished he would suck it up and let her copy off of him.

But no he had to “help her” by trying to tutor her. It did little to help her at this point.

Daniel just smirked and rolled his eyes at her before looking back at the worksheet. His eyes scanning over his own work, not even bothering to look at the mess of Reader’s. It looked like it could rip at any minute from how much she had erased over the thin paper. He almost grimced at it.

Reader turned back over and looked at him. Her hand resting under her head as she laid on her side and just studied him.

She had only known the boy for a year and only dated him a few months now.

Up close she could see why some of the girls at school thought he was so attractive. She felt a pang in her heart, feeling like she was lucky to have caught his eye. For him to dating her. But that was nothing in her mind.

Daniel was attractive by all things holy. He might be slightly smaller and more scrawny then most boys, he wasn't beefy or have washboard abs. But it was attractive none the least. His face was a big winner for most girls including herself.

Big brown eyes that always had a glint of mischief in them. Tan skin that was only darkening the longer he stayed in the california sun. The almost invisible dust of freckles on the bridge of his nose. Not to mention his cute nose that fit his other features perfectly.

Kissable plump lips that he was always darting his tongue out to wet.

Reader couldn’t help rubbing her thighs together to try and get some friction. Her pussy was already starting to get damp just from just thinking about him. Her eyes glazed over just a little as she watched him work on his own homework. The way his jaw locked a little when he was thinking or the way he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was already starting to get annoyed with his own work and he watched as his jaw started to lock up.

She slowly moved a hand over his bed sheets, her fingers ran up is arm and finally over his cheeks. He didn’t seem to interested or he just didn’t notice.

That was until her fingers ran though his thick hair and her hand grabbed a big chuck, giving it a hard tug at the roots. He grunted and his eyes sprang up to look her way. He puffed out a cheek before huffing, she just gave him a innocent smile.

“Soooo you said your mom was going to be working late today? Taking a double shift?”

He raised a brow before slowly nodding. A smirk coming over his lips as he started to get what she was hinting at.

Not even five minutes later the two where naked on his bed.

Reader giggled as she pushed him down and straddled his waist. She grinned as she started to stroke his already hard dick. He hissed as she played with him, her fingers playing along his shaft and her finger tip running over his slit.

She let go of him only to run herself against him. She was already slick as she rubbed her folds over him. His dick pushing though her soft spongy folds. They both moaned out at the feeling, the tip of his dick digging into her clit with every movement.

“Babe shit, if you keep doing that I’m going to cum.”

“We don’t want that do we, not till your inside me that is.”

She laughed as she lifted herself up a little bit. Her had reached around to stroke him once more before helping to line him up with her pussy. His tip brushed her entrance before pushing fully into her wet heat. Slowly she let herself slid down his dick until he bottomed out. His bass pressed against her ass just right. They both moaned and groaned at the new feeling.

Reader panted as she let him settle inside her tight cunt. She felt so full with him inside of her, and he was so deep. Her head was in the clouds as she started to move on top of him.

Daniel grunted as she moved on top of him, her hands on his chest as she used him for leverage to move herself up and down on him. She was bouncing on his dick like not other and all he could do was try to help push and pull her down. He moaned out as he buried his face into her fat tits. Almost smothering himself in her soft tits as she moved around, her hips circling on top of him. He could feel how wet she was as she spilled all over him.

His eyes rolled back for a split second pushed himself deeper into her breasts. All he could hear was her heavy breathing and moans. The way her voice rumbled in her chest. He could hear the way her heart pounded. He groaned as she felt himself slowly start to let go. The coil in his belly was tight and about to snap, his dick felt like it was going to break off at this rate. The way she moved made his head spin.

His fingers dig into the rolls of his belly as he try’s to find some kind of purchase of leverage. Her bouncing only growing more violent by the minute. He could feel his balls throb. He was so close just a little more and he would be over the edge.

He felt her grind down and her pussy clench around him. Her tight channel fluttered and she squealed out before jerking around. It took him a moment to realize what even happened.

She just squirted on his dick.

That was all it took for him to go over the edge cum. His ball drew up as he unloaded a fat load of hot cum into her tight cunt. It quickly spilled out along his shaft with her fluid’s. Her own juices painted his thighs and pelvis. It was wet and sticky as they both lay together. Her weight was like a heavy blanket on top of him and he couldn’t help but snuggle more into her. His head resting against her pillow like tits. He sighed.

She panted over him before setting back into a normal rhythm. She hummed as her gummy walls flutter around him once again. His dick slowly softened but twitched inside her.

“Remind me to take these sheets down to the laundry later, at least before my mom gets home.”

“Ummm will do baby will do….”

[life-at-hogwarts]

Darkness within (House of Gaunt)

Pairing: Ominis x GN! reader

Warnings: mentions of drinking, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, hurt/comfort

Word count: 3.3 k

“I’m sorry I’m making it so difficult. I wish I was easier to love.”

“Nothing about you is hard to love. In fact, loving you feels as easy as breathing. You don’t need to be ashamed of your scars. I know what I signed up for, and I haven’t changed my mind.”

Summary: Bromance. Violence. Trauma.

A/n: More emotional torture because that's just how I roll.

Chapter 5 of House of Gaunt

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 AO3

If you hadn’t felt the lack of sleep when you came back from your date night, you certainly felt it now. You had struggled to pay attention in your classes all morning. Partly because you were so sleep-deprived your brain could barely process what was going on, but also because just sitting next to Ominis made your stomach flutter. All you could think about was kissing him and your mind kept wandering back to the night before. Your distractedness cost you 5 housepoints in potions class when you accidentally added too much leech juice, causing the liquid to burn through the cauldron and flooding the potions stations of all those around you.

By lunch you were so exhausted you seriously considered skipping the rest of the day and calling in sick. You listlessly pushed your food around on your plate and fought the urge to rest your head on Ominis shoulder. The blonde had been quiet all morning, struggling to stay awake and was now resting his head in his palm, lost in thought, his meal still untouched.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked and pushed your plate away, officially giving up on trying to choke down lunch.

“Sebastian wasn’t in his bed when I came back. He must have spent the entire night in the Undercroft studying the journal,” Ominis sighed. “I’m worried about him.”

Since both of you had skipped breakfast, you had only seen your freckled friend briefly in class today and you hadn’t had the time yet to catch up.

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“He doesn’t listen!” Ominis groaned exasperated and tiredly rubbed his face. This entire thing with the journal really ate at him but you didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire between him and Sebastian. “His obsession with finding a cure is going to be…” Ominis stopped in the middle of the sentence and muttered under his breath,“Speak of the devil...”

You didn’t have to look up to know that Sebastian must be on his way towards the Slytherin table. No one could sneak up on Ominis, especially not Sebastian, whose footsteps and heartbeat he knew as well as his own. The freckled brunette slumped on the seat next to you, looking about as bad as you felt. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes he must have gotten about as much sleep as the both of you.

 “Sebastian! You look awful. How long did you stay up?”

“You’re one to talk. I know the two of you snuck out last night too. How was your date by the way?” he shot back, a taunting smile on his face. You laughed and gave him a cheeky wink.

“Don’t try to change the subject. We are worried about you,” Ominis chimed in, his voice sounding strained and tired.

“Look I don’t feel like being interrogated. Leave it alone. Seriously,” Sebastian groaned, unable to hide his annoyance. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, and prayed they would leave you out of it. Trying to diffuse the tension you dramatically collapsed on the table, burying your face in your crossed arms. “Merlin what I would do for a quick nap right now. Do you think Professor Binns would even notice if we missed class?”

“Nice try darling, but I am not risking detention for a nap,” Ominis sighed and let his fingers run through your hair. Surprised by this public display of affection Sebastian raised an eyebrow but remained silent. It must be odd for him to see his best friends dating, you thought to yourself. I hope he doesn’t feel left out.  “Says the one who falls asleep in class,” you replied teasingly and laughed when Ominis pretended to pout. Sebastian joined in and just like that the tension between the two was gone and they were back to being best friends.

“Watch out Ominis. Mc will lead you down a dangerous path. Sneaking around the castle at night, skipping class, soon you will join us on our little excursions in the Highlands.”

“You wish. I don’t even want to know what you two are up to when I’m not around.”

“Don’t worry I will take care of your sweetheart,” Sebastian grinned, earning an annoyed eyeroll from the both of you. Then he added, “I’m happy for you. Truly. You two deserve to be happy. Just keep the snogging at a minimum when I’m around, please.”

----------

You clutched your scarf, buried your nose in the soft fabric to protect it from the sharp wind so typical for the Highlands and hurried your steps. The path to Hogsmeade was usually filled with Hogwarts students, but to your luck the weather seemed to have scared off most of them. The sky was dark and hung with even darker clouds, and the wind tugged on your clothes mercilessly, no doubt the presage of a storm. You rushed past the shops on main street and made your way up to the town square where Sebastian already waited for you at the foot of the giant willow tree.

“Hope you didn’t have to wait too long,” you greeted him, still out of breath.

“Tell me again why we didn’t just meet at the three broomsticks?” your friend grumbled as he tried to keep his thick brown locks away from his face.

“It was your idea to meet here,” you protested but your friend gave you a playful nudge to signal that he was just messing around.

“Tell you what the first round of Butterbeer is on you and we are even,” he laughed.

Only minutes later the both of you warmed your hands on the warm mugs and inhaled the sweet scent of the liquid. The three broomsticks was relatively empty but you welcomed it. The things you and Sebastian usually discussed required a certain degree of privacy.

“So, tell me about your date,” Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. He seemed to be in a good mood today.

“Didn’t Ominis already give you a play-by-play?”

The brunettes face darkened. “Not exactly.” Seems like I’ve hit a nerve. Of course, you had noticed that something between them had changed ever since the scriptorium. Usually, you tried to stay out of it, but today you felt like you had to ask. “What’s going on between the two of you?”

“The usual. We’re still having…a disagreement over the spellbook. I’m sure your beau must have told you all about it,” he scoffed, and his entire demeanor changed. Gone was the lighthearted mischief maker that you knew and loved. You had seen and felt his dark side several times, this irritable, angry and bitter version of him and knew arguing with him would be pointless but you had to try.

“He’s worried about you because he loves you, you know?”

“If he loved me, he would help me find a cure for Anne,” Sebastian spat, his voice cold as ice.

“Don’t be like that.”

“Of course, you take his side.”

“Now that we are courting you mean. That doesn't change anything for me. Our friendship is a separate thing, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on between the two of you,” you protested and fought the urge to roll your eyes. It was unfair of Sebastian to accuse you of taking sides, when you had always been there for him to help him execute whatever crazy plan he had come up with.

“Don’t. This is between Ominis and I. Now let’s talk about something else. You still haven’t told me how your date went,” he tried to diffuse the situation and gave you a tired smile. “But first, I’m going to get us something a little stronger.” You couldn’t help but smile too when you watched your friend work his charm and quick wit to convince Sirona to slip him two glasses of Firewhiskey.

On your way back to the castle you felt the alcohol taking effect, keeping you warm from the icy wind. Next to you, Sebastian swayed dangerously – he had had even more shots than you. We are going to be so hungover tomorrow. The way back to the castle felt endlessly long. This was made even worse by Sebastian who tried to lay down on the floor or run away from you every two minutes. You felt like a babysitter chasing after him and getting him to follow you. When you finally reached the castle, you decided to escort him to the dorms. Ominis welcomed you with raised eyebrows when he noticed the state his friend was in and together you dragged him into their room. After you had taken care of your friend, Ominis accompanied you back to the exit of the common room. “I take it you two had fun tonight. I’m going to have fun holding back his hair all night, judging by the condition he’s in.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Of course not. I’m just tired,” he quickly reassured you and placed a quick kiss on your lips before he backed away and made a face. “That bad?” you giggled.

“Let’s just hope you don’t run into any professors.”

Still, he didn’t back away when you pulled him closer for another kiss. You buried your fingers in his hair and pressed your cold body against his warmth. He replied by deepening the kiss, his tongue starting to explore yours, as he tightened his grip on you. You enjoyed the way he shivered and gasped under your touch when you ran your hands down his spine. Then suddenly, the warmth was gone. Ominis had forced himself to pull away and left you longing for more. You looked at him, puzzled, and watched him catch his breath. Why did you stop? “We shouldn’t. Not here. Not like this,” he finally managed to get out and gestured at the room. You didn’t care. Ominis cupped your face and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“You know how much I want you. But this is not the time or place.” Pretending to pout you turned away from him, but you were too drunk to keep up your pretense and started giggling. 

“Go to bed, darling. Sleep it off. I have to go look after Sebastian,” Ominis murmured softly and stroked your cheek. “Are you going to make it back to your dorms safely?” The concern in his voice made your heart soar. It felt good, being loved this way. “I’ll be fine,” you reassured him and reached for his hand. He pulled you into a hug instead and you buried your face in his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Goodnight, darling”, he whispered and placed another kiss on the top of your head.

As soon as you stepped through the doorway into the corridor someone grabbed your arm. “Ominis…,” you giggled and turned around. You froze when you were met by Marvolos piercing stare and instinctively took a step back.

“You know if you want to be with a Gaunt so badly, I would be the better option. I don’t get why you waste your time with my crippled brother. It’s not like he is going to inherit anything,” he sneered, his voice dripping with hatred and disgust.

Without hesitation you took a swing and punched him. Hard. A disgusting cracking sound echoed through the empty corridor, followed by a long silence. Finally, Marvolo looked up, a nasty smile on his lips, blood dripping from his broken nose. You suddenly became aware of how helpless you would be if he decided to fight you right now. Still half-sedated from the alcohol you were an easy target. You clutched your wand and waited for Marvolo to retaliate. Nothing happened. The only sound was the steady dripping of blood onto the stone floor. It made him look even more dangerous. Even though he was younger than you your instincts told you not to underestimate him. According to Ominis he took great pleasure in practicing the Unforgivables on other people. After a few more moments that felt like an eternity he simply turned around and vanished through the entrance of the common room. Your hands were shaking when you made your way back to your dorms. Whatever this was with Marvolo, you could feel that it was only the beginning.

-------

When you woke up in the morning your head was throbbing. You could only guess how Sebastian must be feeling.  Thinking about the events of last night you groaned, knowing that Ominis would not be amused when he found out what you had done to his brother, and you were not in the mood for conflict. Maybe I’ll just stay in my room all day. As much as you loved that plan you knew you had to go to the Room of Requirement to take care of all your rescued creatures. Highwing always got grumpy when he didn’t get his dinner on time, and you really didn’t want to deal with a grumpy Hippogriff.

You spent the entire morning feeding, grooming, and playing with your creatures, really taking your time. After that you tended to your plants and quickly brewed a few more healing potions for good measure. You even managed to get Deek to bring you a couple of sandwiches from the kitchens, so you didn’t have to go to the great hall for lunch. Just when you thought about taking Highwing out for a ride you heard someone enter the Room of Requirement. Ominis.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

You tried reading his face to figure out how to approach this, but he remained expressionless.  While you were thinking about what to say he continued, “You don’t need to hide from me. I heard what you did to Marvolo last night. What was that about?”

“I can handle your brother.”

Ominis furrowed his brows and moved closer. “What happened?” he asked softly. He didn’t seem angry at all, he seemed concerned. You let out a shaky breath and gently placed a hand on his forearm, “It was nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“What did he say to you?” Ominis asked again, his milky gaze holding yours.

“He insulted you and I lost my temper. That’s what happened.”

For a long time, no one said anything. You would have done anything to know what was going on inside of Ominis’ head as you waited for his response. Was he angry at you? You thought about Marvolos disgusting grin and clenched your fists again. I’m not going to apologize for this, you thought grimly. Finally, Ominis spoke up.

“I think it’s best that we end this right now before you get hurt.”

It felt like someone had hit you in the face and you quicklypulled back your hand that was still resting on his arm. This reaction didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t even you who got hurt but Marvolo. If anything, this proved that you could look after yourself.

“Where is this coming from? I had a little disagreement with your brother and you want to break up?”

“They will come after you. It was stupid of me to think they would ever let me be happy,” he said, his voice shaking.

“Ominis, I’m not going anywhere,” you tried to reassure him, but he was starting to panic. His hands were shaking violently, and he kept cradling his head repeating the same thing over and over again. “They’re going to hurt you. And it will be my fault.”

Seeing him like this, you felt helpless. “I need you to calm down. Focus on my voice and breathe. Nothing is going to happen to me, alright? Your family won’t hurt me. It’s alright. Everything is alright,” you once again tried to talk him down, but it was no use. He seemed to be trapped inside of his own mind and you couldn’t get him out.

 “My thoughts are so loud. I can’t make them stop. It’s so loud. I need to make it stop,” he whispered, tears in his eyes. Now you were starting to panic as well. You had never seen him like this before and it scared you. What scared you even more was that you didn’t know how to help him.

“Stay here. I’ll go get Sebastian,” you said and hurried out of the room. You didn’t even bother searching for him in the Slytherin dorms and headed straight for the Undercroft. Sure enough, you found your friend, his nose buried in the old tome you had found in the Scriptorium.

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asked when he saw your flushed face.

“Something is wrong with Ominis. I don’t know how to calm him down. He insists that his family is going to do something to me. He says he can’t make his thoughts stop,” you blurted out, stumbling over your words.

Sebastian nodded and closed his book. “I see. He gets like that sometimes. Bring me to him. I know what to do.”

-------

The sun was about to set when you made your way to the Slytherin dorms. A few minutes ago you had received an owl from Sebastian, that Ominis was better and wanted to talk to you. As you hurried down the corridors of Hogwarts you smiled to yourself. It was heartwarming the way these two took care of each other, despite being in a fight. The connection between them was more than friendship, it was brotherhood.

Ominis waited for you in front of the entrance to the common room. Before you could say anything he offered you his hand. “Care to accompany me for a walk?”  Even though you wanted nothing more than ask how he was and what had happened, you silently interlocked your fingers with his, giving him space. For a while you walked in silence, leaving the dungeons behind and passing the empty great hall. When Ominis lead you through the courtyard towards a little iron gate you finally understood where you were headed. The boathouse. Of course. On your way down the endless-seeming staircase Ominis finally started to speak.

“Sorry you had to see me like this.”

“There is no need to apologize. Do you want to tell me what happened?” you asked tentatively. The blonde took a shaky breath before answering and you squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“Sometimes I get these thoughts. They are not real, but they feel so real that I lose myself in them. It’s like they are screaming at me. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“What are they saying?”

“Usually my worst fears. Things I don’t want to happen,” he whispered and lowered his gaze, collapsing into himself. You had seen him like this before – at Gaunt Manor when his father had raised his voice at the dinner table. Seeing what his family had done to him made your blood boil, but you put your anger aside and asked softly, “That sounds awful. How can I help you when something like that happens?”

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I’m sorry I’m making it so difficult. I wish I was easier to love.”

“Nothing about you is hard to love. In fact, loving you feels as easy as breathing. You don’t need to be ashamed of your scars. I know what I signed up for, and I haven’t changed my mind.”

Ominis still didn’t look at you, his empty gaze fixated on the dark water of the lake.  “You haven’t seen me at my worst yet. Believe it or not I’m actually keeping it together pretty well at the moment. That can change. And when it does, things get ugly. You don’t want to be around when that happens.”

You could feel him trying to pull away but you didn’t let him. “Stop. I’m perfectly able of making my own decisions. Try to push me away as much as you like, but I’m not going anywhere.”

[hughiecampbelle]

Being Roman's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Requested: I looooved the "being connor's favourite sibling" headcanons and I was wondering if you could do some for bwing roman's favourite sibling as well? :) xoxo - anon

A/N: He is so baby boy. He is so little man. How much I love little man. Lol anyways!!! I hope you like it my love!!! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Being Connor's Favorite Sibling Would Include:

Roman didn't like that you were born. There were enough of you running around, he didn't need another sibling. Especially not one as young as you considering he was almost a teenager by the time you were born

Still, there's not much he could do. Like the rest of your siblings, he looks after you. He starts to like you when you're about six months old. That's when you start to look and act like a little person and not, in his words, some gross little flesh monster

You immediately love him from the start. Roman is your everything. He's the one you want when you cry. He's the one you want to sit next to. To play with. To follow around and copy. He secretly loves when you'd take his sunglasses and a pair of his shoes and walk around your little toddler walk pretending to be him

"I'm you, Romey."

"You're not as cool as me."

From a young age you call him Romey. Everything is Romey. Even when you're upset or fighting or anything, he will always be Romey

He likes you now that you can walk and talk and go to school. When your other siblings can't, he'll walk you home from school

"Guess what I learned today?"

"Brain surgery."

"Noooooo Romey, I learned how to multiply."

"That's helpful too, I guess."

All you wanna do is hang out with him, be his little shadow

You know that your father is not a good man. When you fall off your bike and get hurt you don't run to Logan, you never have, instead you go to Roman. He's not very sympathetic, but he'll sit you on the counter and clean you up

"I want the dinosaur bandaid."

"You can't always get what you want."

He gives it to you always, not wanting you to be upset

You're the only one who can go near him after Logan's hit him or berated him. He tends to self-isolate and pushes everyone away. Only you can open the door and come inside and wrap your arms around him. He doesn't push you off, he can't. That would be like acting like your father. He lets you stay as long as he needs and when he's done, he tells you he's okay. Somehow you always know when he's telling the truth and when he's lying

"I'm sorry about Daddy."

He makes it very clear if Logan ever touches you like that you go to him. Not Connor, not Kendall or Shiv, him. He has this terrible feeling that Logan can't differentiate between you two, that he sees you as an extension of Roman instead of your own little person

The older you get the closer you become. You pick up on his sarcasm, his wit, and annoy your siblings to no end when you gang up on them

"Kendall's gone crazy."

"He's been crazy for a while, you're just noticing?"

"Can you guys please stop talking about me?"

"You're forgetting I grew up with him."

As a joke, and maybe not as a joke, he has you in his phone as Mini Me. Mini for short. He'll call you on the phone and text you and you're always Mini

"Mini, where's Shiv?"

"How should I know?"

"Mini get out, the adults are talking."

"I'm an adult!"

"Not with that attitude."

You guys tend to stick together. Roman was right after all. Logan goes after you like he does with Rome. You're a teenager the first time you show him what's been going on since he left the house. Your eye is bruised and swollen shut. You try to put ice on it and get rid of the swelling, but it's too late. When he sees you, he loses his cool. You have to hold him back from going to your fathers study

"Please don't go after him."

"Y/n-"

"Please. It'll only make things worse. You lnow this."

"Fine. Fine, okay? Fine."

From then on you have more sleepovers at his apartment. He makes up a bed on the couch and you stay up and watch movies with snacks

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Do I look five years old?"

"Four and a half."

"Fuck off."

Your first word was a swear courtesy of Roman. It was most likely fuck, but he swears he can't remember. It was the best day of his life listening to you say fuck over and over again, giggling in that little baby voice. He tries to play it off like he doesn't care abut really, it'll be etched into his memory forever

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Romey. Dad does it all the time."

It makes him feel sick knowing you were going through all that and he wasn't there to protect you. You protected him and you're the baby sibling. It's his job to look after you, to protect you

You guys fight all the time. Not in a mean way or a serious way, more like calling ewchother stupid and dumb and pushing and shoving. You never go too far, you never do anything to hurt one another, just as a means of disagreement

"You're so fucking stupid."

"Me? Are you kidding?"

"See! Can't even tell when I'm being serious."

"You're never serious, Romey."

Whatever you accomplish, he's always quietly cheering you on. He's not going to be as outwardly affectionate as Connor is. It's just not in his nature. When you get your degrees and find your place at Waystar he visits your desk multiple times a day

"Look at you becoming a corporate pig."

"I learned from the best."

You and Roman actively make fun of Tom and Greg

"Did you see what Tom was wearing?"

"Fashion disaster, I know."

"Why is Shiv even with him?"

"Daddy issues. Mommy, too."

You stick up for Roman when your siblings make fun of his lack of dating/sex life. It's none of anyone's business

When you do start to date and bring people home and find that someone special, they know they have to get through Roman for things to be serious

"Where'd you find this one? A back alley?"

"Please be nice, I really like them."

"Are you paying them? Are they paying you?"

Say what he will, he's happy you're happy. It hurts watching you grow up. You were his Mini Me not so long ago. Now you're taking part in the company and finding love and you've got your own place. You showed everyone that despite being the baby of the family, you're a force to he reckon with

He loves you. He loves you more than he loves himself. He doesn't say it, and when he does it never comes put right, but you're his baby. You always be

[blu-joons]

Stress Cuddles ~ Jeong Yunho

You were unaware of the fact that Yunho was home until your attention was captured by the sound of a sigh ringing through your apartment. Your hands pushed your laptop back as you spun around at your desk in the living room just in time to see Yunho walking into the room to join you.

“That didn’t sound too good,” you gently joked, widening the smile on your face in an attempt to brighten Yunho up as you quickly noticed the blank expression that was on his face.

“I give up,” Yunho simply replied to you, scuffing his feet along the carpet to let you know just how exhausted he was. As he did so, you stood up from your desk chair, tucking it under the table before walking through the room to where Yunho was slowly walking.

“You’re home now,” you reminded him, stretching both of your arms out, engulfing Yunho into a tight hug as soon as you managed to press your chest against his.

Immediately, his arms wrapped around you too, bending forwards to be able to tuck himself into the crook of your neck, “this is just what I need,” he murmured, squeezing you gently to let you know how good of a job you’d done.

“Let’s just stay like this for a little while if it’s what you need right now.”

A slight nod of his head came from Yunho to let you know that he agreed with you as your hands ran along his back. You could feel from his grip how tired he was, not even wanting to imagine how busy his brain was as he tried to comprehend all of the things that had happened through the day.

“Can you play with my hair?” He whispered closely into your ear as he began to tire of your hands against his back.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at how groggy Yunho’s voice was, adjusting your grip so that you were able to bring your hands to the top of his head and gently brush your fingertips through the ends of Yunho’s hair.

“My day has been the day from hell,” he slowly began to explain to you as he found himself relaxing in your grip. “We didn’t even get a break today because they wanted us to make sure that everything was perfect for the fan meet, the soles of my feet are killing me right now.”

Your head nodded to let him know that you were listening, “if your feet hurt, shall we move down onto the sofa that you can put your feet up for a little while?”

Yunho’s grip around you tightened in reply to your offer, lifting you off of the ground and carrying you a few steps sideways until you reached the sofa. You weren’t able to touch the ground as your body fell, landing on top of Yunho’s in the corner of the sofa.

A gentle squeal came from you in surprise as you fell, clasping your hands back around Yunho’s neck for security. Once he was sure that the two of you were on the sofa, Yunho kicked his legs up and stretched them along the length of the sofa.

“This is more like it,” he chuckled to himself, finally giving his body a chance to relax.

As he spoke, you pulled your head away from his chest to be able to meet Yunho’s eyes. Nervous eyes looked back at you as you studied him closely, frowning as you noticed the lack of colour that was in his cheeks, not to mention the tired haze that seemed to cover his eyes.

“Is there anything else that I can do for you?” You questioned.

“Just cuddle me,” Yunho simply responded with a shy smile on his face, “on days like today there’s nothing more that I want when I come home other to just be held for a little while.”

“I can do that,” you proudly smiled, moving your arms back around Yunho’s waist again.

You pulled your body up slightly so that Yunho was able to bury his head back into the crook of your neck and shut out the rest of the world. “You’re the best when it comes to cuddles,” he informed you just before ducking down.

You could feel several of Yunho’s shaky breaths as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck, letting you know just how tired he was. As much as he tried to hide that side of himself from you, when he was as tired as he was tonight, he just couldn’t pretend, looking to you for plenty of comfort and reassurance too.

“We can just stay like this all night long if you want to,” you suggested to him.

There was no doubt in Yunho’s mind that he wanted to hold onto you for as long as possible. There was a calmness that came from being with you which was exactly what Yunho needed after getting swarmed by demands and noise at the studio all day long.

“I don’t think we can eat dinner like this,” he chuckled in response to you though, pushing his own wishes aside to make sure that the two of you looked after yourselves.

A nod of agreement came from you, knowing that Yunho especially needed to get something to eat after such a busy day. You didn’t even need to ask him whether he’d eaten at the studio or not, knowing that food was almost always the last thing on any of their minds on busy days.

“Maybe we can order takeout so that we don’t have to spend as much time apart and cooking,” you offered, feeling Yunho squeeze you to let you know his reply.

The last thing he could imagine himself doing was cooking, and he wasn’t willing to let you go to go and do it either. His stomach was starving, screaming out for delivery food, the perfect accompaniment to a cosy night in with you.

What do you fancy ordering in?” You asked Yunho, only for him to shake his head back at you, letting go of you with one arm so that he could find his phone.”

“This is my treat,” he informed you, “you tell me what you want instead?”

Your head shook too as you tried to find your phone, but Yunho blocked your access by moving his arm that was wrapped around you down so that you couldn’t get into your back pocket.

“You have to cuddle me, therefore I’m the one that has to do the ordering,” he explained to you, not giving you any room to argue with him. “You were the one who adored last time, so this time it’s my turn to sort things out for you. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll make sure that I order it perfectly for you.”

“I really am happy with anything,” you tried to tell him.

Yunho’s eyes rolled at how easy you were to cater for, “surely there’s got to be one thing that you want more than anything else.”

Your head still shook though, letting go of a chuckle as Yunho pulled away from you to shoot a glare across to you to get you to make up your mind on what you wanted.

“I’ll trust you,” you smiled, refusing to give into Yunho, “I’m sure whatever you order there’ll be something that I like in there too.”

Yunho’s head nodded, knowing how stubborn you were, “if you don’t like it, I hope you know that it’s your fault.”

“I won’t even get to do much eating when I’ve got to cuddle you.”

“That’s true, you can’t let me go for too long.”

---

Masterlist

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction | Uses Your Insecurities Against You [Request]

`A/N: The anon is right by the way you’re all beautiful in every way possible, including the anon that requested this. I love you all! Stunning, beautiful peopl all of you! ~ M

CHAN: Insecurity: Clingy

Chan rubbed the bridge of his nose as he stared at the screen in front of him trying to grab some ideas from the air, he had been suffering with writer's block and it was starting to get to him. Normally if he was suffering with it he would call you over, you were his constant muse but this week he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. He was stressed from being put under pressure from his managers to finished a certain amount of songs, as well as making sure he and the rest of the boys were staying on top of their practice. Everything was just piling up on top of him and he didn't need you around to add to the pile, as much as he loved you being there he just needed some peace and quiet which he soon realised wasn't going to happen,

"Jisung told me you were feeling shitty so I bought your favourite snacks," Your voice that was normally heavenly to Chan only made him cringe as he realised you were here. 

"Hey babe, do you mind coming back later? I really need to get this done," He turned around on his chair to face you, trying to get you to leave quickly before things went south but you stood your ground, placing the small basket of food down onto the coffee table. 

"I also got your favourite hot drink, I figured you could use a pick me up." You began explaining everything that was in the basket but it only annoyed him more as you listed everything, ignoring his request for you to leave.

"We can sit on the sofa and eat while you relax for a while-"

"Fuck! Have you always been this clingy or is it just as of late?" Your heart sunk as you stared at Chan who was red in the face, it was now that you took in his dishevelled appearance it looked like he'd slept less than usual and he was clearly beating himself up over something so you let the comment pass. 

"I was just- I wanted to make sure you were okay," Your voice cracked as you tried to get over the comment, moving closer to Chan who simply rolled away from you on the chair and shook his head at you. 

"I want you to leave. You're so fucking clingy! I can't do anything without you being right there on top of me, it's exhausting having a partner who doesn't know what space is!" He was yelling loudly enough that the staff outside his studio had stopped speaking to hear what was happening in the office but you felt like you shrunk in size as he yelled at you so without another word you left him there. Chan knew how insecure you were about being considered clingy, your exes had all said the same thing to you so when you began dating Chan you told him about it, not wanting to have the same problem. You never thought, in a million years, that he of all people would use it against you.

(X)

Later that night there was a knock on your apartment door, thinking it was just the food you'd ordered for yourself you got up to answer it to see Chan standing there holding the basket of food with a giant smile on his face. 

"What do you want?" You asked plainly as you stared behind him, hoping your pizza would arrive so you could take it and shut the door. 

"To tell you how sorry I am," You scoffed rolling your eyes at him, 

"You know exactly how insecure about that I am and you still-" You began sobbing as you thought back on what he said, all he did was wrap his arms around you tightly. Pulling you into a hug, his hugs were the answers to all of your problems, no matter what you were going through as long as he hugged you everything else seemed to be insignificant to you.

"You know how insecure I am about that," You managed to say through sniffles as he kissed the top of your head, rubbing your lower back as he repeated how sorry he was to you. 

"Things with work have been stressful...I just- You weren't listening and I needed you out of there." He knew it was never going to make up for what he had unintentionally said to you but he was going, to be honest with you from the start and tell you what happened. 

"I'll make it up to you if you let me." He whispered as he continued to hold you in his arms, kissing your cheeks as you nodded. 

"Start by paying for my pizza," You sniffled, wiping your eyes when you saw the delivery man walking over in your direction, 

"Anything for you," Chan whispered, handing you the basket so he could get out the cash.

MINHO: Insecurity: Not having Friends (One of my many insecurities lol)

As soon as Minho heard your voice from the hall he rolled his head against the floor of the dance studio, 

"I thought it was just us today," Hyunjin said to Minho, confused as to why you were in the building when it was supposed to be a private practice between him and the boys this afternoon.

"It is," Minho grumbled as he glanced over at the glass panel on the door, you were stood talking with Nayeon so he wrecked his brain at some kind of excuse to get you to leave without being so mean about it. The boys were all stressed out, Kingdom was getting harder with every week so they were having to step up their game, every second of practice alone was important to them. With you there, they weren't able to get anything done. 

"Hey Babe, guys! I got you all some lunch and I figured we could hang out this afternoon?" You glanced over all of their faces and the boys turned to look at Minho for help, none of them wanted to be the ones to send you home but it needed to be done. It was probably best it came from your boyfriend rather than the boys who were just friends of yours, 

"Don't you have plans with any of your friends?" Seungmin tried to come across as friendly, hoping you would somehow get the hint that they wanted you to leave but Minho laughed loudly at the comment. 

"Y/n doesn't have friends, that's why they're always clinging onto us," The room seemed to fall into silence, all that could be heard was the air-conditioner and your rapid breathing as Minho used your number one insecurity against you in front of everybody knowing full well that it hurt you more than anything else he could have said to you. 

"Y/n!" Minho yelled out as you backed out of the room without another word to him, the other boys looking shocked at him as he called you to come back to him. 

"Give them some space...Y/n will just want some time to cool off," Chan said as he placed his hand on Minho's arm wanting him to calm down before he spoke to you but Minho couldn't concentrate on anything else but the look on your face as he said that to you. 

(X)

Minho stared at you from across your apartment as you waited for him to say something, he'd let himself in with his key but you weren't speaking. He'd been sitting on the sofa for an hour without either of you talking, he was just as stubborn as you were about things but he knew he was in the wrong this time. 

"Why did you say it?" That was all you wanted to know, why he'd felt the need to use one of the biggest things you were insecure about in front of everyone, laughing about it as if it was something funny when it wasn't. 

"I just- I need you out of there, I've been stressed and I know that will never be a suitable excuse but I was." You rolled your eyes at him, sitting down on the opposite sofa to him as you listened to what he was saying, 

"You could have told me, I would have left...I know how much stress you're all under for Kingdom," You whispered as you looked down at your hands, wondering if he really found it funny that you didn't have many of your own friends, you were new to Korea it wasn't as if you weren't trying. 

"What I said was out of order, nothing I can do or say will make up for it but I'm hoping you'll let me try...I never meant it, you know that." You knew deep down he hadn't meant it but you didn't want to forgive him so easily and seem so weak,

"Fine but...I want to be alone tonight, I just want some space." You whispered as you glanced up at him, he nodded and walked over to you giving you a kiss on your forehead. 

"Call me when you're ready to speak, I'm sorry." He whispered before you kissed him again, letting him go out of the door. 

CHANGBIN: Insecurity: School/College work

it out on one When Changbin walked into the dorms that night and heard you laughing loudly with the guys he frowned, you were supposed to be at home studying for your exams that were coming up not here with his friends. 

"Y/n? I thought you had an exam tomorrow." He said plainly as he walked into the room, you stopped laughing as you glanced over at him and nodded your head. 

"I do, I was just coming over for a break and I ran into Jisung," You looked over at Jisung who was still red in the face from laughing, Changbin grew with jealously as he watched the two of you giggling while trying not to laugh.

"This is why you keep failing the exams," He mumbled not thinking you could hear him as he walked into the kitchen but you heard him and your face fell, 

"What?" Your voice cracked as you waited for him to repeat what he had just said to you, nothing but the sound of the tap dripping could be heard. 

"Nothing." He grumbled, Jisung attempted to slowly leave the room without being noticed but you took his wrist in your hand, 

"What did he say Jisung?" Changbin stared at the younger member with a look that said he would kill him if he said anything. 

"I wasn't listening," It was clearly a lie but you let him go before grabbing your stuff, 

"That's great, you know. You confide in your boyfriend that one of your insecurities is that you failed an exam and he uses it against you," You said snarkily as you began heading towards the door of the dorms, wanting nothing more than to go home and be left alone but Changbin followed you out. 

"I didn't mean it, I was just-"

"You were just what?! Stressed? So, what? You thought. 'I know let me just take it out on my partner, who's already having a rough enough time without their boyfriend being rude about it'" You yelled before leaving the dorms, making sure to slam the door so he knew you didn't want him to follow you back home.

(X)

A week had passed since your little yelling match with Changbin, he'd been doing everything he could to say sorry, sending flowers, chocolates and teddies to your apartment to try and make up for everything he had done. Then there were the calls, voicemails and texts telling you how sorry he was for what he had said to you, that he hadn't meant it. You finally gave up on ignoring him when you realised you were both just stressed and it didn't mean you had to take it out on one another. 

"I'm sorry," You said in unison as you opened the door to your apartment to see him standing there with a bunch of flowers in his hands, 

"No, I'm sorry." You said in unison again before laughing with one another, Changbin put the flowers down on your kitchen side before bringing you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. 

"I promise that it won't happen again, I've been stressed at work and that's one of the worst excuses in the world but I'm really sorry-" He was cut off when you kissed him softly, telling him that it was fine, you'd been stressed out as well and you shouldn't have ignored him for as long as you had done. 

"How did your exam go?" He whispered as he pulled you into a tight hug, 

"I passed." You laughed softly, kissing his chest as he told you his plans for congratulating you. 

HYUNJIN: Insecurity: Not Being Good enough for him

You ran your hands down the outfit you were wearing for the award show the boys had invited you to go along with them to and you sighed, you looked great but you thought back on what everyone else was going to be wearing. All of those people around Hyunjin who were going to gain his attention within seconds, 

"You ready to go? Whoa," He whispered as he walked into your shared room to find you in the most stunning outfit he'd ever seen you in, he walked over and kissed you softly. 

"Looking good babe," He complimented but your heart dropped, "good" wasn't what you wanted, you wanted to look great. So great that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off you all night, 

"I need to change, it's not right." You mumbled, heading into the wardrobe to try and find something that would meet your standards that you had set in your head. 

"You don't have to, you look good." You ignored him as you pulled out different options up to your body trying to find the best one, 

"I don't want to look good, I want to look great." You whispered not thinking he could hear you but he watched you from the door shaking his head, 

"You always look great, it doesn't matter what you wear," You looked over at him and shook your head this time, 

"But they're going to be people, that will look better...You will look at them and want to be with them instead." He rolled his eyes at you, leaving the wardrobe to go and wait for you outside not wanting to listen to this over and over again. 

"You always think that I'm going to leave you for someone else, why? You're all I want." He was getting tired of telling you this and you never believe him, it was like a broken record. 

"Maybe I should spend my time looking for someone who would be good for me, someone who wouldn't spend so much time getting ready," He snapped not meaning it, he was stressed from work and the award show but you came out of the wardrobe in sweats. 

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not going. Spend the night finding someone that can be good enough for you," You remarked before looking yourself in the en-suite, ignoring him as he banged on the door for you to come out.

(X)  

Hyunjin walked into the room later that night to find you curled up in bed with his shirt on, he crawled in behind you and kissed your shoulder softly. 

"You know I didn't mean it right, you're perfect for me...Sometimes you're too good for me." He whispered as you pretended to be asleep, 

"I know you're not asleep because you're not doing that little snorting thing you do when you're sleeping," You began making the snorting noise as he laughed softly, kissing your cheeks and turning you around to face him,

"There is no one in the world I want, I only want you for the rest of my life," He admitted as he kissed your lips over and over again, telling you he was going to remind you every day how good you were until you began to believe and listen to him.

JISUNG: Insecurity: Don’t earn as much as him

It was no secret that you didn't earn as much as your boyfriend Jisung did but that was because he was famous and you just happened to serve in a restaurant and work in a bookstore in the week. 

"We're all going to split the bill," Jisung announced as he looked at the waiter who had asked had you and the boys wanted to pay for your meal that night, you looked at the receipt nervously thinking about how you were going to pay for it. 53000 won wasn't exactly the cheapest meal in the world, you figured you would all pay for the food you had ordered for yourselves which was why you'd gone for the cheapest items on the menu. 

"Well, Changbin is the birthday boy, we shouldn't make him pay. Let's split between the eight of us," Felix said as he bought out his wallet, you began to grow with anxiety as you realised you weren't going to have enough to cover it. 

"Here, mine and Y/n's half," You stared at the wad of cash that he placed down and then up at him as he smiled at you, kissing your lips. 

"I got you, baby, I know you don't have a lot so I figured this was my treat." Your mouth fell open as he said that in front of everyone and the boys awkwardly looked away from you, doing anything they could to not pay attention to you. 

"I can pay for my own meals," You whispered not wanting to make a scene in such a fancy place but Jisung didn't see a problem with him putting money down for the two of you. 

"I know you don't earn as much as me, it's no big deal it's just money." A hiss sounded from Changbin as he realised Jisung was saying the wrong thing right now so all you did was get up, 

"Well, this person who doesn't earn as much as you is leaving to catch a cab. Don't worry Jisung, I can afford it." You snapped, moving out of the restaurant leaving Jisung shocked as he watched after you, not seeing the problem in him offering to pay for your food. 

"Dude...Bringing up that they earn less than you? Harsh," Changbin whispered as he patted Jisung on the back before getting up to leave. 

(X)

Watching him from across the room you waited for Jisung to say something, he'd come to your apartment begging you to let him inside so you did. 

"What is it? Come to mock me some more for my jobs?" He sighed as he stepped closer to you, only for you to back up against the wall not wanting him to touch you right now. 

"You know I never meant it like that, I just...I thought I was doing a good thing." You shook your head as you rubbed your arms, 

"Doing a good thing would be if you didn't announce to everyone on our table that I make less than you," You mumbled as you thought back on the boys all staring at you, it felt as if you'd shrunk in size with the way they all stared at you.

"Babe please, I didn't mean to I thought I was doing a nice thing." You shook your head rubbing your temples as the headache you'd gotten increased, 

"Whatever Jisung, just...lock the door on your way out," You turned away from him only for him to take you by the hand and pull you close. 

"You know I would never do something that spiteful to you on purpose, I was stressed, it slipped out, I didn't mean to use it against you." You could tell by the look in his eyes how sorry he was and the thought of curling up beside him to fall asleep was too good to resist right now so you gently kissed his lips. 

"Next time we eat, I'm paying." You mumbled, dragging him  into the bedroom to get some well-earnt sleep.

FELIX: Insecurity: Emotionless/Cold hearted

According to everyone around you, you were that cold and heartless person that everyone tended to steer away from which was why it was so hard for you to believe someone like Felix, who was the living embodiment of sunshine, would want to date someone like you. 

"All I'm saying is, you could have been a little bit nicer." He mumbled as you stood in the dorms, Jisung had been crying about a fight he'd had with Chan earlier that day and you told him to grow up about it. 

"All I said was that he needed to grow up," You were confused as to why he was so angry over something so small, Jisung hadn't seemed that upset over it and it was him you were talking to. 

"You're so fucking emotionless! He was crying Y/n and you told him to grow up!" You felt your body slump as the words left his mouth, you could take that from everyone around you but not him, not Felix. Felix was the one that made all of your insecurities melt away, the one you felt happy with but now he'd just thrown that back in your face and it looked as though he hadn't even noticed. 

"How do you do it? How do you get away with being so cold to everyone around you, he was clearly hurt and needed our help and you fucking made it worse." You looked over at the dorm bathrooms wondering if you could make a run for it while he was ranting with his back to you so you did. Shutting the door as you slid down it, crying into your knees as you remembered the way Felix looked at you as if you were a monster. It wasn't that you were emotionless or cold to everyone, there were just some feelings you didn't understand. 

"Y/n! I'm sorry!" He banged on the door as soon as he realised where you were, trying to get you to come out as he heard you sniffling from the other side of it. 

"Please, I didn't mean any of it Y/n, you know that." You continued to cry into your knees, wanting nothing more than for him to leave and go into his room so you could sneak out and go home but he sat there on the other side of the door and waited. 

(X)

You finally emerged an hour later when Chan knocked on the door telling you he needed to use the bathroom, Felix was waiting for you with open arms but you attempted to move away from him, failing as he hugged you from behind. 

"I'm sorry, I was just stressed and overwhelmed with work, I shouldn't have taken it out on you," He whispered as he kissed your shoulder, watching you as you kept your eyes forward on Jisung who was talking to Chan about that day.

"You were right though, he did need to grow up...I shouldn't have said what I said to you and I am really sorry Y/n." You knew that no matter what Felix was going to keep saying sorry until you forgave him, 

"You're right there, I am-" He kissed your lips softly before you could tell him you agreed with yourself being emotionless, 

"I don't want to hear that, it's not true...Remember when I broke my ankle and you were there taking care of me," You nodded and he continued to list off everything you had done for him, the boys and all of your friends when they were sick or injured. 

"I don't want to hear that again," He kissed your nose and you nodded before kissing him softly to stop him from saying sorry again.

SEUNGMIN: Insecurity: Not successful like other people your age

Your eyes glanced over the wedding invitation sitting on your coffee table, yet another one of your friends were getting married and you were happy for them. You would always be happy for someone who was doing well in their life but everyone you knew seemed to be getting married, having babies, getting their dream carers all the while you seemed to be stuck in the same place moving nowhere in your life. 

"Why the long face?" Seungmin asked as he brought over your plate of food, the two of you were having your date night at your place tonight since the boys were all at the dorms and you wanted some alone time together.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering what to get my friend for her wedding," You said as you nodded over at the invitation, Seungmin nodded along with you and without thinking about it first, 

"Doesn't it make you feel bad that they're all so successful and you're just still in your small apartment," He didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, he'd been so stressed all week over something he needed to ask you that it came out a little too harsh. You dropped the fork onto your plate as you looked at him, wondering if he was joking or if he was serious but he looked at you confused. 

"What?"

"Well, I mean, they're all married, starting families, having these large homes and you're still in this crummy apartment." You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, especially from Seungmin of all people, your boyfriend. The person that was supposed to be supportive and loving to you no matter what, it felt as though he was turning your back on you. 

"Crummy?" Your voice broke as he continued to eat, watching the TV as though he didn't notice what he had said was hurting you so badly, you got up without another word, placed your plate down and rushed to the bathroom. 

(X)

When you didn't come out after an hour Seungmin was beginning to worry, he knocked on the door when he heard sniffling coming from inside. 

"Babe? Everything okay?" You wiped your eyes as you hummed in response, reaching to the toilet to flush it before lying to him, claiming you were sick and he needed to go before he caught it.

"You were fine earlier," He mumbled confused as to where this sudden sickness had come from, he opened the door to find you leaning against the bathtub wiping your eyes. 

"Babe! What's wrong?" You scoffed at him, moving away as he tried to reach out and comfort you, 

"What's wrong?! Me and my crummy apartment!" You yelled as you moved away from him and went into the living room, 

"Baby, I didn't-"

"Didn't mean it? Because clearly, you did! Do you find it funny?" He reached out for you but you stepped away once again not wanting him to be near you right now,

"Let's just laugh at Y/n and the fact that they still live in a 'crummy' apartment, not married, not having kids and alone!" He realized as soon as you began crying again that his words had hurt you unintentionally, he hadn't meant it the way they'd come out.

"I didn't mean it like that, I've been stressed this week trying to-"

"So you took it out on me? When have we ever done that?" He shook his head, finally gabbing your hands as he made you look up at him, 

"I've been stressing myself out trying to ask you to move in with me, I-I found a house we could live in and I- I didn't know how to ask you and I thought that dropping hints would be a good way." You stared at him with your brows pressed together, 

"You thought telling me my apartment was crummy...was a hint?" He laughed awkwardly as he realised how stupid it seemed but you started laughing softly along with him somehow seeing the funny side of it as you shook your head. 

"Kim Seungmin, you are the most strangest, perfect boyfriend in the world." You whispered kissing him softly, 

"Yes, I'll move in with you."

JEONGIN: Insecurity: Worried He doesn’t Love you

"You were flirting with her," You scoffed as you stood in one of the empty conference rooms that were in the JYP building, Jeongin rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration listening to what you were claiming he was doing.

"I was talking to her, she's like a younger sister to me." He explained you'd walked into the building to find him standing extremely close to Lia from itzy and it sent jealousy running through your veins. It wasn't as if you didn't trust Jeongin, you just found it incredibly difficult to see him with someone like Lia and not be attracted to her,

"You're just always too jealous to see what's in front of you! Why would I flirt with her when I'm with you?" You stared at him as he called you jealous, you looked down at your hands and not knowing what to say to him. 

"You're always so worried that I don't love you! Do you know how tiring it is to have to remind you all the time?" You felt a pang in your heart as he yelled at you, people turning to look through the glass door as they heard the youngest member yelling. 

"Well if it's so tiring why do you keep doing it?!" You yelled back only for him to shake his head and shrug his shoulders, 

"I don't know," Your heart, felt as though it had fallen onto the floor and crashed into a million tiny pieces right in front of him and it was as though he didn't care to notice. 

"You don't know? So...Why don't we just break up?" Your voice was quieter, hoping he would realise you were upset about this and that he would tell you he didn't mean it but he nodded his head, 

"Fine." Your breath caught in your throat as he stormed out of the room leaving you alone to try and gather up everything that had just happened in the room while he seemed to go off as though nothing had happened. 

(X)

When Jeongin walked into the dorms later that night the last thing he expected to find was you packing everything up into a bag with tears gushing down your cheeks. 

"Sorry, I thought I would be done before you got back," You sniffled, wiping your eyes and side-stepping out of the room telling him you would come back for the rest of your stuff when he wasn't at home.

"What are you talking about? Why are you taking your stuff?" You ignored him as you struggled to take the key to the dorms off your keys, dropping them all onto the floor and crying as you saw him bending down for them. 

"We broke up. Remember? You didn't want the hassle of telling me you loved me so we broke up," You couldn't bring yourself to look at him but he tilted your head up to look at him and shook his head, 

"I was just mad, I didn't mean it Y/n...I would never break up with you over that, I've just been stressed and then the whole jealousy thing came out and I just...I'm really sorry," He whispered leaning forward to kiss your lips softly, repeating over and over how much he loved you in every way possible, kissing you all over your face as he pulled you back into his dorm room so you could unpack your bag. 

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[crazycookiecrumbles]

Bread Pudding

A/N:  Feedback. Reblogs appreciated, thanks!

Pairings/Characters: Frank Castle x Reader/Stark!Reader; Bruce Banner, Peter Parker

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: Stuck in the tower with you, Frank meets someone very dear to you.

Sequel to: Pancakes

WC: 2,208

After that, it was a little hard for Frank to leave you so quickly, not that he hadn’t thought about it. The less time he spent at the tower, the safer it probably was for you. Even if he couldn’t keep himself away from you, no matter how much his brain told him to stay away, it was so much easier said than done. After that confession in the kitchen, Frank wanted to stuff you right back in the medical bay to rest, but, you being you, simply could not let that happen. Instead, you insisted on showing him around. Not everything, because you knew Tony would have a shit fit, and it was, technically, a matter of security, but just a few places he could see.

Like the view from the bridge in the center of the tower. It was gorgeous, sometimes bustling with agents and employees, other times, dead quiet and a perfect moment for bliss. 

This was not one of those times.

You two were on the bridge looking down below, and you heard your name being shouted, followed by the sound of thundering footsteps that only got closer and closer.

“Ms. Stark, Ms. Stark, Ms. Stark!” Peter Parker shouted as he ran down the hallway towards you and skidded to a stop in front of you. “Oh my god, are your legs — do they not work anymore!? Oh my — I didn’t realize your legs didn’t work anymore! Shoot, okay. We can think of something and —“

“Peter, my knee is busted up, and everyone is being overly cautious,” You explained quickly, holding your hands up to steady the teenager. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. Are you sure? Okay. But, really, are you sure? Because I can totally help. I don’t know how, but I bet we can think of something!”

“I’m fine —“

“Oh my god, you’re The Punisher,” Peter stared up at Frank in awe, eyes widening as he studied the man from head to toe. “You are so cool, and so scary, but, like, so super badass, but also I am so sorry about your family, man. Wait why is the Punisher here? Oh my god. Did he hurt you?!”

“Peter — “

Peter’s eyes widened at the thought of this man hurting you and standing right here in the tower, while you sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of your nose, muttering to yourself to remember that he’s just a kid, and you shouldn’t kick him off the side of the bridge. However, you caught him staring at Frank like he was getting ready to forego his secret identity and body this man in the middle of the tower. Just as Peter started to bend his knees to build a launch point for himself, you quickly threw your hands up, one of them reaching to push Frank behind you.

“Easy, Peter! He didn’t hurt me. If he did, do you think he’d really be in the tower right now? Casually admiring this fantastic view?”

Peter froze in place and considered this logic, “I guess not.”

“So?” You nodded to his legs. Peter looked down at himself and realized he was still prepared to strike. He cleared his throat and stood up straight, awkwardly reaching behind him to scratch his neck. “Sorry about that, Mr. Punisher. I mean — Mr. Castle? Oh, wait, Lieutenant — “

“Frank is fine,” Frank said quickly, studying Peter closely. “Box of firecrackers, aren’t you, kid? Just takes one little light to get you going?”

Peter wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Bashfully, he shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the coat in his hand. “She just, um, we’re um, Ms. Stark — “

“Peter’s an intern at the company,” you explained smoothly. “And we’ve developed a lovely little bond, haven’t we?”

“I mean, sometimes she hacks my phone and stalks me, but — “

“You’re totally leaving out the fact that you leave me no choice which results in me doing such things, but, okay.” You joked. “I thought you weren’t coming in until later today? Don’t you have school?”

“Half day, teacher development stuff,” he explained. “And Mr. Stark said you were hurt and would be working with me more since you’re out, so…I kind of thought you were super hurt, and I maybe ran over here.”

Frank snorted at how awkward this teen was. He leaned against the railing and watched as Peter suddenly remembered what he was holding. He lifted his coat and revealed a white paper bag, “I got you some bread pudding because it’s, like, soft and stuff. I wasn’t sure how hurt you were, you know? Because it’s soft and you can totally eat it if your jaw hurt. Although, if your jaw was wired shut, probably not. But, hey! It’s not! So you can totally eat it.”

You smirked and grabbed the bag from him before pulling him by the arm towards you. When he was falling towards you, you pinched his cheek with one hand and let go of his arm to ruffle his hair, “Aren’t you just the sweetest kid?”

“Stop,” Peter whined as he pulled away from you. “You’re embarrassing me in front of The Pun—I mean, uh, The Frank! I mean, Frank. Just Frank… right?”

Frank snorted as Peter turned his head to look up at him, “Yeah, kid.”

“So…” Peter trailed off. “Why’s he here? Not to be rude.”

You smirked, “Peter, this is my boyfriend, Frank Castle.”

Peter’s mouth fell open as far as it could as he grabbed his own heart, “No way. Oh my god. Dude, Mr. Stark must be pissed.”

It’s always lovely to hear how loved Frank was by your father. Even this kid, this intern, knew that Tony would hate you dating him. Frank wondered why he even let you convince him to be something, but let’s face it, it really didn’t take much convincing at all.  Frank was an absolute sucker for you, whether he liked to actually admit it or not. That included, but wasn’t limited to, listening (and dozing off) when Peter hit you with a million and one questions about what happened with the Russian gangsters. Then, it moved on to him sitting around to watch and laugh at you as you tried to justify that you were more than capable of standing and walking, only to trip over your own two feet. 

It also meant that since he wasn’t ready to leave you yet, he was risking meeting other Avengers. Luckily for him this time around, the only other one who came in was Bruce, who greeted him with a kind nod and a handshake and offering nothing more.

“Bruce!” You waved your hands and spun around to get his attention. “I have something waiting in the lab, would you mind working on it with me?”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

“Do you think I listen?”

“Fair point. Let me know when you’re ready. Nice to meet you, Frank,” Bruce waved goodbye to Frank and left.

“That man is weirdly chill,” Frank muttered under his breath.

You shrugged, “Only on the outside. Wait until you meet the Other Guy. It’s a treat.”

“I’m good.”

Together, you and Frank ended up ordering takeout, as Frank’s way of just prolonging the inevitable, him having to leave. But as your meal came to an end, Frank didn’t want to overstay his welcome. Plus, more people being around meant that you were taken care of, that other people could look after you in case something had happened. So, because he felt like he had to, Frank said goodbye to you by the elevator doors of Avengers Tower.

“Here,” He mumbled, shoving a ripped piece of the Chinese takeout paper bag in your hand. Looking down, you noticed it had a number scribbled on it. Smirking, you looked to Frank who rolled his eyes, “Don’t even start.”

“You gave me your number. How cute.”

“Only use it for an emergency, okay?” He muttered, closing your hand around the paper. “In case anyone takes my phone, I don’t want them seeing anything they shouldn’t — “

“Like nudes?”

He sighed, “Don’t do that. Don’t send me nudes.”

“You want my nudes. I know you do,” you winked at Frank who narrowed his eyes a little bit, debating on what direction he wanted to take this conversation. Before he could say anything too tempting that would absolutely ruin you for the week, you reached out to smooth down the collar of his old jacket. “I won’t send anything incriminating, don’t worry. Thanks for the number, Frank.”

“Yeah. Rest, okay? Get better soon. Don’t run off doing shit you’re not supposed to, got it?” He repeated, holding your chin and making you look up at him. “I mean it. You’re gonna make yourself worse.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll be good.” You sighed dramatically. “When can I see you again?”

“Miss me already, Princess?” He smiled a little and ran his thumb down from the middle of your bottom lip, back to the tip of your chin. “Sunday sound good? I’ve still got some Russians to take care of, make sure they know not to go near you again.”

“Mmm, murder and mayhem, hot,” you joked just as he leaned down to kiss you. Sighing happily into the kiss, you snaked your arm around his shoulders, your other hand coming up to cradle his cheek. Frank groaned as he regrettably pulled away, slipping a kiss on your palm as he held your hands and made you sit back down in the wheelchair. “Bye, Y/N.”

“Be careful, Frank,” you said, watching him leave.

Now that he was gone, you kicked that wheelchair to the curb. You hobbled your stubborn, annoying ass over to the lab where Bruce was waiting. He saw that you were walking and sighed as he kicked a chair in your direction. Grinning, you blew him a kiss and plopped down on it, watching as Bruce spun around and grabbed something off the table.

“So is this what you found at the warehouse you and Tone went to?” Bruce asked as he held up the very vase you had plucked from the great. “Great condition. I’m shocked it wasn’t broken.”

You stared at the vase with your mouth agape as you had a brief flashback of Frank smashing it on a man’s head and dust filling his nostrils. You groaned as you realized this was exactly what you had feared the second Frank broke that vase.

“It was broken. I only brought back a shard,” you explained. “Frank smashed it on a guy’s head. Red mist came out, went inside him.”

Bruce blinked several times before setting the vase down on another table and grabbing some equipment, “And then what happened?”

You shrugged, “He did what he does. Murdered.”

“Was it different?”

“Not really.”

“Not really?”

“I mean, he didn’t stumble much when he got shot. He did everything pretty brutally. He literally ripped a man’s head off,” you explained. “I heard Cho say that he took the cradle surprisingly well, like, it healed him faster than the rate it normally works at.”

“That’s…very, very odd,” Bruce muttered, “Typically, vases like this often depict a story or pertain to one particular deity or event in history. Style alone, I’d date this back to Ancient Greece, but we’ll need to do some dating on it.”

You sighed as you walked over and studied the vase with him. “Any chance you happen to know what this pertains to? Kind of looks like a vulture.”

“Kind of does,” he muttered. “Friday, see if you can find any matches to this vase online.”

“Uploading scans and searching now, Dr. Banner,” Friday replied.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, adjusting his glasses as he grabbed the magnifying lenses and moved it over. “Usually, it’s a sign of death, war, bad stuff.”

You hummed, “My first guess would be Hades in that regard.”

Bruce shook his head, “A little too on the nose, maybe. And you said the dust went inside Frank?”

“Yup. Went from dust to some sentient mist that hit him. I know it hit him, too. He knows it as well, but nothing came up on Cho’s exam.”

Bruce hummed as he scratched his chin, “This might be older than we think. Or maybe it’s Asgardian? We can ask Thor when he gets back.”

“Dr. Banner,” Friday began. “I’ve found image searches related to the vase. According to Harvard’s database, this vase shows depictions related to Ares, the God of War. This vase was last seen in England in the early- to mid-19th century. It appears that where it goes, death follows.”

You and Bruce listened to Friday, and then were very, very quiet as you both processed this. Slowly turning to face one another, neither of you said anything until you both decided to blurt out, “Oh, shit,” when you realized that Frank had been affected by whatever this was.

“I’ve got samples from him to study, we can see if anything matches up with the vase,” you offered quickly.

“I think you’re going to want to watch him more closely, Stark,” Bruce warned you. “He’s already, well, violent. What happens if he’s affected by the God of War?”

[luvlyrv]

Uncover | Seulgi x F!Reader

Genre/warnings: fluff, angst, homophobia (religious)

Summary: You quickly learn that while it was easy to be dishonest with yourself, it was nearly impossible to lie to Seulgi.

Word Count: 4.7k A/N: This has been something wracking up in my brain since June. It's kind of embarrassing that it's taken this long but it's a lovechild of my emotions. Enjoy, and I hope you feel things.

Date: 9/21/21

You can't imagine a day without her, because she's always been there. Right from the day you could remember. You bet that she could be your last memory too.

Your first memory has you sitting in the living room playing with your toys as you anxiously eye the other child in the room. Some strangers had rung your doorbell and your mom and dad had welcomed them into the house. Now they were in the kitchen, their voices blending into each other in the background.

The small girl in front of you decided to take the liberty of picking up your toys and playing with them. She ran around playing in the imaginary world in her head. You think that she's having fun and that you want to have fun too, but you can't seem to move from your position. As you slowly try to build up the courage to talk to her she approaches you.

She had been glancing at you from the corner of her eyes too. She watched your shy self idly playing all alone. She found it hard to approach you, scared of you pushing her away or being mean, but she thought maybe it was worth it. You could be a friend.

"Hi!" The strange girl is right in front of you with one of your stuffed toys in hand. "Do you want to play with me? I'm Seulgi!"

"I'm Y/N…"

For the rest of the hour the two of you chased each other in a shared adventure. Enraptured in your own little wonderland until your parents had to pull you apart.

Soon it became a ritual for those strangers, who you later learned to be Mr. and Mrs. Kang, to visit your house. Along them was always their daughter Seulgi, who wouldn't hesitate to pull you into a large hug right before starting a new adventure with you.

You slightly trail behind your best friend. You smile at yourself from the sight of Seulgi happily skipping, somehow filled with even more vigor than she usually has. She's always been filled with much more energy than you, amazed by even the smallest of things. You suppose something truly spectacular must be happening today for her to feel so extra. She turns her head over to look at you, flashing you her perfect smile with her perfect cheeks. The ones you always want to squish when you remind her of how cute she is.

She continues to bounce but slows down to be by your side. One of the favorite parts of your day, and hopefully hers too, would be the peaceful walk the two of you would always share before and after school. It always reminded you of how close you are. How you can always rely on her to listen and to brighten up your day.

She bites her lip while still smiling. She must be thinking about something.

"What's got you so excited today?" You ask her with a giggle.

"Guess!" She pesters leaning into you. A familiar feeling emerges in your chest from the contact.

"You know I'm really bad at guessing…"

"Well why can't you try?"

"All I know is that it has to be something really special, right?" You decide to lean back and push her a little as a tease.

"It is! Mom and dad bought me my favorite ice cream that we can share later today!"

You laugh at her as she continues giving her dumb smile. Seulgi moves in front of you with her eyebrows raised, waiting to hear your opinion about the news.

"Is that it?" You ask still laughing. She pouts a little.

"What do you mean 'is that it'? It's my favorite! And I get to share it with you!" With that you pull Seulgi in for a side hug.

"I'm kidding, I'm excited too."

You enjoy listening to whatever nonsense Seulgi thinks about and decides to spill to you as you guys continue walking. You feel a bit disheartened at the sight of the school building, but looking at Seulgi again is enough to make the disappointment go away.

As much as you wish it did, your schedule wasn't entirely with your best friend. Instead you had to split up as you entered the school grounds to your different classes. Fortunately you shared at least some classes with her, and most importantly lunch. So when you sit down at your desk with nobody talking to you, you don't feel too lonely. The anticipation of being reunited with Seulgi was enough for you.

As usual Seulgi finds your figure sitting down at a lunch table and immediately rushes towards you. She taps your shoulder as she sits down, hurriedly opening up her lunch box, her beastly appetite striking again.

"Oooh." She oogles as the both of you breathe in the sudden aroma of homemade food. You peer over to look at the contents of her lunch box. You swore that you can see the steam coming off of her rice.

"Open up!" Seulgi playfully demands of you. You oblige as she not so carefully throws a grape your way. It would've been lost if you didn't move your head to make up for the completely inaccurate trajectory.

"How are you still bad at this?" You ask her after chewing.

"Maybe I just like to see you work for your food." You laugh at her response as you carefully pick up a spring roll from your box and place it in hers.

"Mom fried it this morning so you better enjoy."

You enjoy the long-time tradition of sharing food and eating in relative silence. That time was short lived though as a small group of girls joined your table. You didn't mind them much, you'd even consider them casual friends. At the same time though, they were bothering you.

You found it strange that despite finally being with Seulgi you felt so lonely. So lost.

Seulgi's popular, you know that. A lot of people try to befriend her and fight for her attention. Being the social butterfly she is she never hesitated to say hello back and return the friendliness. By proxy you met a lot of nice people, a lot of not so nice people, and more. They never really stuck by for you though. They stayed for Seulgi.

You wish you understood why you were so bothered by those that stayed. Why you were always feeling jealous recently. You wonder if it's natural to feel so intensely sick when you watch your best friend's attention be pulled away by several different girls at a time, or laugh at a guys joke. Well, maybe you do know why.

You quietly sigh and push the thought away, instead trying to join in the chatter and laugh with everyone at the table. Just as you were about to calm down and ease into the group a sudden large group of guys and girls approach. One boy in particular seems to be leading the pack. You purse your lips as you silently watch them come over. Seulgi absent-mindedly continues talking, completely unaware of what was about to occur.

You tighten your hands into a ball as a feeling bubbles inside you. You can't place what it is. Is it fear? Anger? Jealously? It's probably both.

The boy also tightens his hands as they grip onto his shirt. You watch him bite his lip and see how a red color crawls up his neck and reaches the tips of his ears. You hold in a breath as he finally arrives at the table and Seulgi looks up at him.

"S-Seulgi." He barely manages to say her name aloud.

"Huh?" She looks at him cluelessly but gives him her full attention anyways.

"I like you! A lot! So if you can, please go out with me!" The boy's words spill out, as if his mouth was a floodgate holding them back. He reaches behinds him and quickly bends over to give Seulgi a piece of red paper, shaped like a heart. He probably wrote about his feelings extensively on it.

Your eyes had been focused on the love-stricken boy. It's hard for you to move your eyes towards Seulgi. You realize now what you're feeling. You fear what you'll see when you look over at Seulgi to see her reaction.

You notice that she's red too, the color slowly blossoming across her cheeks.

Why does this hurt you?

"Erm, ah, thank you." She says out of politeness and bows back. She gives him a smile and that seems to excite him. "I'll think about your confession."

He eagerly nods his head and leaves the table, happy with the results of his actions. The crowd around him seem to think that was a good ending and started whispering and congratulating him. You look back at your table and the girls are murmuring too.

"He's cute, you should definitely go for him!"

"I heard he treated his last girlfriend nicely. They're still on good terms."

"I've never seen you date before. Isn't now your time to explore?"

Seulgi just takes it all in and nods along with what they say. Your head hangs low as you pick at your food. You don't dare look up. You're scared of seeing Seulgi's face again. You're scared that tears will start falling.

It was like the weight of the world had fallen on your chest.

When the bell dismisses you from lunch you quickly go to your next class. You don't say goodbye to Seulgi or any of the other girls. You feel the light graze of Seulgi's fingertips as she tries to stop you, but you're too fast.

The rest of the school day is you trying to focus on studying, and when your last class finishes you're not sure what you'll do. Everybody leaves the classroom before you as you take some time for yourself. Breathing in and out, you mentally prepare yourself to face Seulgi, as if she was some type of monster.

As you exit the building and get near the gates you see a swarm of people with Seulgi in the center. They're probably there to ask about how she feels about the confession that happened. You sigh and almost contemplate leaving without her, but her eyes quickly find yours. Seulgi politely but abruptly says her goodbyes and runs towards you.

As Seulgi's figure grows nearer there's a feeling of satisfaction. It was like you had won some petty fight, and that feeling was able to erase the fear and nerves you had earlier. A smile grows on your face she reaches your side, your bodies automatically matching your steps. You enjoy the warmth when she locks her arm with yours. Not knowing what to say, you let silence fill the space in between the two of you until Seulgi decided to break it.

"So, do you wanna stay at my place for a bit so we can eat that ice cream?"

Seulgi's keys jingle as she unlocks her front door. You follow in after her, putting your shoes away as she dashes towards her refrigerator to retrieve the ice cream from the freezer. You walk up towards her as she hands one to you. Naturally, both of you make your way outside into her backyard.

Her backyard is quaint, housing a nice garden that her mother often tends and one large tree. The two of you rest under it, appreciating the winding arms of the apple tree that has always given you and Seulgi refuge. You enjoy the taste of the ice cream, perhaps the shade was enhancing its flavor. Either way you understood why its Seulgi's favorite. The refreshing taste and Seulgi's presence puts a smile on your face. You feel yourself opening up again as you guys joke and talk about your day in between bites and licks. By the time you finish eating your ice cream she had managed to convince you that she needed your extra help in math. As always you agreed to tutor her.

She argues that you should stay underneath the tree as she gets up to throw away the trash. You watch as she goes back inside the house, coming out again with a shiny apple in hand that was picked only a couple days ago. You laugh a little as you ask,

"Still hungry?"

"Enough for a little snack."

She sits by you and takes a rest on your lap. You brush her hair away as you look into her eyes. You can tell she's thinking about something.

"What's wrong?" You ask her.

"Well, I was just wondering, why were you upset earlier?" She says in a serious tone.

"Huh?"

"You didn't even say goodbye at lunch, and don't pretend I didn't notice you almost leaving without me." There's a hint of hurt in her voice. You feel bad for not keeping your emotions in check better, that you threw a fit over something so small.

"Well," Your voice trails off as your mind struggles to think of a response, "what does that boy mean to you?" You decide to ask.

"Oh so now you want to know about that too?" There's only a slight annoyance in her voice as she gives you an eyeroll.

"I'm your best friend, of course I'm curious." Seulgi huffs at your response. She can't blame you for wondering so she takes a moment to think before answering honestly.

"I mean, I guess they weren't wrong. He's kinda cute, and I know it took a lot for him to say that to me. I admire him for it." She said it in a casual manner, as if it wasn't a big deal. Yet for you it meant everything. And it hurt.

You can't control the frown that found its way on your face.

"Hey…" Seulgi quickly gets up from your lap. She has a confused expression as her eyes scans yours. "Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice is soft as she puts a hand on your shoulder.

Your chest is about to explode.

"Do you like him or something?" She continues to grip onto your shoulder with a confused face. She thinks she was the one who did something wrong. That she's stealing someone away from you, but that was so different from the truth.

"No, Seulgi, I-" You pause to think about what you're going to say. Something was about to come out instinctively, and you don't know whether or not that was the best decision.

"You what?"

She presses you for an answer but you're still thinking. You're thinking about you know you can't handle her possibly being close to someone else. To share all of her laughs with that boy. To smile at him and spend time with him. To do all the things that exists between you and her. Living would feel wrong if you were no longer the one she ran to and spilled her secrets to.

Who are you if not Seulgi's biggest and only confidant? The only one who could soothe her in her darkest moments? The one who understands every feeling and thought just by the way she blinks?

You're intimately familiar with the feeling in your chest now. You think that you know what it is too, but that doesn't make you hate it any less. If you could, you'd sacrifice every fiber of your being to forget that feeling and throw it away. To pretend it doesn't exist. But your wishes don't make it go away.

You can be dishonest with yourself, but it's impossible to lie to Seulgi. Not when she looks at you like that.

"I like you."

The words are barely a whisper but she hears. Seulgi's hand falls off your shoulder and you want to cry again. You said the wrong thing. She was going to think you're disgusting. She would never go on a walk with you again. You'll never smell her perfume again. You'll never hear her laughter again. She'd never touch you again. Never speak to you again.

Her mouth is open slack. Your eyes water and you breathe in, readying yourself to apologize profusely. To rescind the blasphemous words that slipped out of your foul mouth.

"I'm so sorry. Just ignore it. I take it back. I think I'm sick or something, you know, delirious. Just ignore it please. Please." Tears begins to fall down your face as Seulgi seemingly snaps back to reality. She reaches towards you, taking your face in her hands as her thumbs swipe away the tears.

"Oh my god, no, don't cry." She begs you to stop, but you can't.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry." The tears continue to make their way down your face. A horrible sickness wells in your stomach and suddenly it feels below freezing as you shake uncontrollably.

"No, don't be." She hugs you tight and whispers in your ear. "I like you too. So stop crying. For me, please." She strokes your back as you cry, hoping that the touch could settle you down.

It takes a while for you to register what she says, but as soon as you do your body seizes up. You think that maybe your everything, your soul, has shattered into a million pieces from Seulgi's words. How in the world could it be true? It couldn't be, not in this universe, not in this timeline.

Yet it was.

When Seulgi hears your sniffling stop and your body letting go of its tension she separates her body from yours. Her eyes are all you can see, and all you can see in them is pain.

"I'm sorry for making you worried." You felt guilty that she had to see you cry. The outburst at school wasn't great either.

"Don't worry about it" She reassures you by taking a hand in hers, stroking it with her delicate fingers to show you her affection. For several moments you allow yourself to breathe. Seulgi also took the time to process everything, and the two of you stared at each other with the new understanding of your feelings. Time seems to pass so slowly when you observe each other with care.

"Seulgi…" You mumble when what felt like years passed. She understood what you meant when she saw the way you looked at her lips.

In that moment you couldn't care anymore. Neither could Seulgi, it seemed, as you pressed your lips on hers and she pressed back. Greedily, the two of you dived in for a taste. Your lips on hers, her tongue in your mouth, it was something you needed. It was a flavor you could relish forever, perhaps this is what sin tasted like. Yes, this is what they'd call it. A sin.

It feels like everything has changed, but at the same time it hasn't. You still spend every second possible with Seulgi. You spend your time doing the same things. Yet everything feels so different, it feels brand new. Magically, it feels better than before. Is this the power that Seulgi has over you?

Nobody knows, nobody needs to know. After all, you're still Seulgi's bestfriend. Is there really anything different? Maybe just the tighter hugs, the kisses, and the alluring smiles, but that's all. Life is easy this way.

After bidding Seulgi goodbye in front of her house you go home to eat dinner with your family. You come home and greet your parents with a smile as you rush to join them at the dinner table. They share that smile as they take note of your enthusiasm recently. As you eat quietly for a while your mom finally asks you what's been going on to make you shine so much.

"Well..." You debate on what to say. It's been over a month since you confessed to Seulgi but you were still feeling high. You've been holding it for so long you wished you could tell someone. Why not them? You want them to be happy with you too. "I've been dating Seulgi."

"Hm?" Your mom asks you somewhat aggressively for clarification. The sudden stillness in the air alarms you. You look up from your food to see your mom staring as your dad stops eating.

"I-I told her I liked her and she liked me back." You say hoping to clear whatever confusion was occuring. Yet the look on your parents didn't fade.

"What happened?" You father's question sounds more like a statement as he sternly places his utensils down.

"What do you mean what happened? I just told you."

"What happened to make you like this?" His cold voices breaks a little as you notice his eyes tearing up. Was he seriously upset about this?

"You're joking, right?" Your mom joins in with an angry tone.

"Of course I'm not. Mom, she makes me really happy." You struggle to keep yourself composed under the scrutiny of both of your parents.

"Y/N. You are not happy. You're messing with the devil right now and he's fucking up your mind."

"Have you not been doing your prayers?"

You can barely fight for yourself at the dinner table. Your parents argue with and over you, about the causes and the whys. About the signs and what happens next. You cry as you watch your decision unfold into your nightmare.

You knew deep down inside this would happen, but you hoped and prayed that it wasn't true. Perhaps Seulgi made you too happy, too brave. Everything else felt like it was going right so you convinced yourself this would too. You've flown too close to the sun and it backfired. You should've never said anything.

As you try to block out the fight unraveling in front of you you could only scream one thing while crying. "Wouldn't God want to love me? Wouldn't He want you to love me too?"

The scrape of the wooden chair echos as your mom shoots up straight. "I will not house some heathen under my roof. Get out until you realize what you've done to this family."

It's raining. The relentless torrent of water against your body traps in the coldness from the night, leaving you shivering as your feet move on their own. They move to the only other place that feels like home. The only other person that feels like home.

Soon enough you find yourself in front of a familiar door, incessantly knocking. Muffled footsteps come from the other side of the door as you hear locks being undone until the door finally opens. Instantly there's a look of worry on Mr. Kang's face as he takes in the scene in front of him. He quickly ushers you in and shuts the door.

"Who is it?" A voice rings from upstairs.

"It's Y/N!" Mr. Kang yells back, and soon enough you hear a flurry of footsteps coming downstairs. Seulgi, in her tired glory, appears. She rushes towards you as her father went off to find you some towels to dry off with.

"Oh my god, what happened? Why are you here? Are you okay?" Seulgi's honey eyes are glistening with worry. She doesn't seem to care too much about the fact that you're soaked as she embraces you in a hug. Her body soothes you, its warmth penetrating the cold, wet clothes that clung to your body. You let her ground you back to reality before speaking.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." You barely manage to get the words out. Your throat feels tight, constricted. Throughout the entire time the tears haven't stopped running down your face as it mixed with the rain water. Seulgi rubs your back as her father comes back. Both of them begin patting you dry.

It feels a bit pathetic as you have two people fretting over you so much, but you're too tired to move. Maybe not even tired, but rather stuck in your own thoughts.

"Go get her something to change into. Are you gonna stay the night?" Her dad asks after making Seulgi go back upstairs to find clothes. You just nod in response and follow her.

When you enter Seulgi's room you find her hastily going through her drawers, finding something comfortable for you to wear. After digging through her clothes she hands you some sweatpants and an oversized shirt, much like her own outfit she was sporting. Your hands are in front of you and holding onto the clothing, yet you still can't seem to move much. Instead your lips tremble as you look at the floor. Seulgi sighs as she nears you, unfolding the clothes and looking at your trembling hands.

"Don't make me dress you." She half-teases. When she realizes you can't will yourself to move a grim line stretches across her face. She wonders what has gotten you so riled up to act this way.

Carefully, she removes your clothes and throws them into the laundry pile. Her fingers innocently skim your body as she puts on the clothes for you, with you doing the minimal movements required to help her. Over the years she's already been more than familiar with your body, and the same for you with her touch. Although you can't vocalize it you silently appreciate the care and intimacy she demonstrates.

Soon enough she finishes though and pulls you towards her bed. Sitting you down she places herself behind you after grabbing a dry towel. She begins to dry your hair while letting you stay silent. Another thing you appreciated about her. She let you take your time.

"Seulgi..." Your voice croaks out as if you've aged several decades.

"Yes?" She stops drying off your hair, instead placing the towel down as she wraps her arms behind you and leans forward.

"They know." She doesn't say anything but her body is still for a minute. Afterwards she finishes drying off your hair, at least one of you can stay calm in this situation. That's what you need. "They told me to come back when I come to my senses."

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. We'll figure something out." You let her guide you down on her bed. Your crying had stopped a while back, but the shock coursing through your body didn't. As Seulgi pulled up the sheets and began to hold you you turned around and looked at her. You looked into the eyes that told you everything. Right now they told you that all Seulgi had on her mind was you.

So you think that you should only think of Seulgi too, because you can always forget about the consequences when you're with her. With a kiss on your forehead she tells you to sleep. She gets impossibly closer to you, holding you tight. Holding you as if you are her treasure.

The familiar trees and houses enter your view as you drive down your childhood neighborhood. Your fingers tap on the steering wheel as you listen to the song Seulgi played in the car. Out of the corner of your eye you see her smile at the thought of visiting her parents. It's enough to make you happy as well.

As you near her parent's house you pass by your own. It's been years since you've been inside, years since you even saw it. You're okay with it though, but your mind still wonders how your parents are doing. You wonder if the house is lonelier now, if they ever think about the sparse letters and phone calls you have exchanged and how they always were fights. Do they know you and Seulgi are coming to visit? Will they want to see you?

Whatever the answer is it doesn't matter. The only family you have to worry about is the girl right next to you and her parents. You feel thankful that she's your first love and hopeful that she's your last. Despite how many times your lives have separated you two, how you both dated other people and had your own quarrels, you guys came back to each other in the end. She changed you during your formative years and supported you as the two of you have grown up.

No one else can make you uncover these sides and feelings like she does.

[0fucsgiveon]

Matt Murdock x Fem!reader ( Let the Devil Shine 1)

this will be a a series’s and as much as i suck at writing i hope you enjoy it.

(warnings for the whole series/ smut, guns violence plus even more violence, trauma, ill get into the kinky shit later this is just the beginning, fluff,)

18+ Masterlist

You were heading to work the smell of hells kitchen filling your nose and the light of the full moon shinning over your face. You were heading to the bar your worked at no other than Josies.

Josie took you in when you were 10, after your parents were killed by no other than Mr Fisk, you had to live on your own. Walking through the door everyone greeted you and waved. “Hey y/n” you smiled they treated you with respect and like a family. Walking to the bar you greeted Josie. “Hey, how’s the night today?”

“Its good, got a few new people and the regular’s, i dont need much help but would you be kind to stay at the bar we have some… difficulties” you nodded and remembered the word “difficulties”. The truth was you family were trained assassin and be their heir you picked up and learn some from them. Josie knew this and offered you a job of taking care if costumer’s were to be out of line and hurt her business it wasnt that bad of a job to be honest. A hidden part of you liked taking your anger out one them.

You smiled and turned to look over and a brunette man with red shades and a cane neck to him. You slowly studied him paying attention to his features and the small move of his head like he was trying to figure out his surroundings. A blonde patted him on the shoulder and he smiled standing up with her and walking outside with her plus a shaggy haired man as well. You focused your mind to what they were saying.

Matt heard your eyes blink over to his direction and travel all over him, but when he walked out the door he heard your breathing slow down and almost stop causing concern in him but you still had movement. It was confusing to him he want to stay and try to figure it out but foggy said it was getting late and they better go before it rains.

You were so focused on the mysterious guy that you didn’t notice Josie give her que for you to follow the potential threat. Rushing out of the bar and into the rain you hurried into a dark ally and put on a (favorite color) bullet proof suit with a mask to cover your face. Slowly reaching the rood you followed the man and watched as he walked into a dark alley. “Don’t touch me, Help!!!” Your jumped down and landed right in front of the man. “Run go somewhere safe i got this.” The young women left without a word and your strikes forward to the man. Suddenly you heard more body movement not just the your and his but at least 15 more no maybe 25. Your brain couldn’t focus your hearing was subdued to the sound of screaming from all around you. You slowly landed on the floor and blacked out.

Waking up your ears were bleeding and bandage along with your eyes. You used you nose to smell your surroundings and smelt a man. The scent was familiar to the guy you smelt at the bar and you shook you head to his direction and ran toward’s him pinning him to the ground.

“Woah, woah hold up i just saved you and this is how you repay me” you take off your bandages and feel the ache in your ears again and slowly back away covering them. “Hey hey, whats wrong sweetheart.” You looked over and was met with the brunette but he didnt have his glasses and had no shirt he was bleeding in his bandages and his eyes were unfocused but he was softly smiling a warm smile that made you want to move closer and hug him. You shook your head. “Who are you why am i hear” you whisper but loud enough he can hear. “Well you passed out while i was walking and i uh came to get you dragged you to my house and bandaged you up” there was a rise in his heartbeat he was lying and you felt it. “Your lying i can feel it, tell me the truth or ill kill you and walkaway.” Your stared at him and he took a deep breath.

How could you tell no one can tell when he is lying he blind and most of the time you can tell by someone eyes but his were unfocused. Matt could hear you yelling an he nodded. “I was following you while patrolling the streets i watched as you saved a girl but than 25 men came and surrounded you.. i beat them up and took you to my place and for some odd reason when you fight you have no heart beat almost as if your brain is the only thing working.” You blinked in surprise and knew he was telling the truth.

“Your the daredevil i presume i can smell you leather it has my blood on its and its in the cabinet close by the kitchen” you swallow and looked back at him. “Ya im the devil in the flesh heh.. but how can you tell all of that”he had a soft stutter in his voice he was frightened only he had the ability to do the same as you. “Well same as you I suppose” you look down and stare back at him.

“So uhm those guys did they see my face” you look down your hand shaking and on the verge of having a panic attack. You couldn’t put anyone else in danger or lose anyone else either. You felt to arms wrap around you. “No, im the only one that saw your face.. but im pretty sure they know were you live they were talking about it before i got you… you will be safe here i can promise you that much” his voice is stern but also soft and comforting. You slowly reach up and hug back.

“Ya, i would like that if its not a pain or inconvenience to you” he softly chuckle’s. “Nah, trust me I don’t do much around here let alone have many guest’s.. well not ones that could cause harm” i smile. Wait you felt the sudden realization “wait.. Josie is she ok is the bar ok-“

“Shh, she’s fine and you want to be extra safe you can come work at are firm we could use some help” he stands up and hands you a plate with some food and water. “But what if it harms your firm i-“

“You need to stop worrying i may be a vigilante but im smart enough to not put my firm in danger” you simply nod and take a bite of bread on the plate. “And uh you can have the bed. There is one of my shirts on the bed so you can sleep im something other then- “ he coughs “your underwear “ you look down and realize that you were in fact in your underwear and your bruises were exposed and well cared for. “If it makes you feel better i had my friend undress you and take care of you she’s a women as well” he speaks softly and you can hear his heartbeat speed up. You laugh “no reason to be embarrassed, but i would feel less awkward if i knew you name” he smiles and nods “Mathew Murdock, but i much rather prefer Matt” i smirk “Y/n L/n, but you can just call me y/n”

[sinner-as-saint]

Don’t Want You Like a Bestfriend

Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Requested.

Run-through: You’re catching feelings for your best friend/friends-with-benefits, Ransom. But he doesn’t seem to like you like that at first. However, that quickly changes once he sees you attend a party as someone else’s date. And suddenly all he wants to do it get you out of the gorgeous and scandalous dress you’re wearing. Driven by his jealousy, Ransom gets territorial and things get interesting…

Themes: smut, jealous!ransom

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ransom hissed in your ear once he’s close enough.

You giggled, knowing damn well what exactly is pissing him off.

Ransom Drysdale was one of your best friends. And you and him were also involved in a ‘casual-healthy-sex-call-it-friends-with-benefits’ situation. It was going just fine in the beginning, but then you began catching feelings for the spoilt brat. He did too, but he wouldn’t admit it. And not knowing how to deal with the situation, you decided to just make him jealous and push his buttons until he realized that he liked you back as well. And that plan was going swimmingly for the past week or two now.

But tonight, you kicked it up a notch.

“What?” you asked softly, acting oblivious and you could see him clenching his jaw. He shamelessly eyed you from head to toe and he was immediately conflicted. You looked great. But he was convinced you’d look better if you were his date.

Why did he feel this way? “I mean what the hell are you wearing?” he asked again, as per usual, masking his jealously with anger and irritation. “You’re practically naked.” He spat.

Truth be told, the backless, skin tight, low cut red dress with a risqué slit you wore made him feel all sorts of ways. Not only because you were showing a lot more skin than most women present at the party, but also because you were causing every man to turn heads and check you out. And he didn’t lie about the naked part, you were aware that you were showing a lot of your body. A lot.

But you had done so purposely, got the dress mainly to get his attention. But also to get him to get him to take this dress off you as soon as he could. And judging by how bothered he looked, you knew you wouldn’t have to wait for too long.

You smirked. “I thought you liked me naked.” You teased, and Ransom seemed visibly troubled. He was horny and angry and jealous at the same time. He’s been feeling some type of ways about you lately, and he didn’t know why.

But tonight, seeing you in that god damn dress almost brought him to his knees the minute you walked in. But what bothered him the most was that you were here with another man. And he hated that.

“Yeah, but not when you’re strutting around almost naked in a room full of people.” His jealousy could clearly be seen now. “Besides why are you here with him? You knew I was coming too, why didn’t you come with me?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Oh! You giggled. “Why do you care?” you smirked and tried to walk away but he grabbed your arm. He didn’t care if he was making a scene. You should’ve come with him, as his date, right?

“Because I’m your best friend, not him.” he quickly studied your face, seeing that your lipstick wasn’t smudged or anything calmed him down a little. But just to be the little shit he is, he couldn’t help but ask, “Did you fool around with him before coming? Huh? Is that what’s going on?” he asked in a mocking tone.

He knew you’d say no. He knew he had ruined every other man for you, and no one would ever satisfy you like he did. And you knew that as well. But just to mess with him and his cockiness and arrogance, you smirked and replied, “I mean we did have some fun in the limo.” You shrugged, like it was the most natural thing to say.

Ransom’s grip tightened around your arm. “Yeah?” he stepped closer, nuzzling your cheek before he whispered in that deliciously seductive, low and raspy voice of his, “Do you need to be reminded who you belong to? Did you forget who owns your pretty little cunt?”

You tried not show that his voice and words made you tremble in his possessive grip. You pulled your face away from his a little and looked up into his deep blue eyes. There, you saw it. The hunger, and pent up frustration and the feelings he was trying so hard to keep secretive. You smirked again.

“Let go, Ransom. My date must be looking for me.” His eyes widened at your words and his grip loosened in surprise. You took the opportunity to pull your arm free and walk away, purposely swaying your hips more than usual.

Did you just… Ransom stood there in surprise and watched how you walked over to what’s his face and linked your arms with his and pressed your body against his side. Bastard seemed to enjoy it. Why wouldn’t he? You looked like a goddess.

 Throughout the party, Ransom kept his eyes on you. And how you pretended like he didn’t exist as you laughed and mingled with everyone else.

Oh babygirl… he thought about all those nights he made you his. Ransom looked around and chuckled. No one in this room knew about you and him. About how he often fucked you for hours on end, nailing you into the mattress and how wonderfully you had let him own your body and how deliciously you moaned and squirmed under him.

Fuck. Ransom looked down and saw a bulge forming in his pants. Then he looked back up at you, and you were still pretending he didn’t exist. Guess it’s time to teach you a lesson, babygirl…

 When the lights dimmed, and when most couples moved to the dance floor, you felt a large hand grab yours and tug you along rather harshly.

“Ransom! Let go!” you hissed, as you walked a little quicker to keep up with his pace. He was taking you towards the back.

“Shh babygirl, keep quiet.” He replied and kept walking, tugging you along until he reached a deserted corridor which led to some sort of balcony. And once there, he pushed you against the wall and his mouth was on yours before your brain could even register what was going on.

His mouth moved against yours fast and passionately. His kisses were much like him; hot and messy, leaving you breathless each time. He pushed his tongue past your lips and stroked the inside of your mouth. He moaned into your mouth as you pressed your body to his and slid your hands into his hair. His hands gripped your waist tightly, as though you’d disappear if he lets go.

“Think you can just walk around pretending I don’t exist, huh?” his kiss was messy and heated. Burning hot with desire and hunger, your bodies moved together flawlessly, touching one another just where you wanted to be touched. “You’re mine.” he growled against your lips, shoving his tongue into your open mouth again.

One minute you two were making out, and the next; your legs were wrapped around his waist, your dress bunched up at your waist while he held you up. His cock briefly brushed against your wet folds in the process and you whimpered through the kiss. Ransom needed to be in you already, all he wanted was to hear you scream his name as you cum around him. So he wasted no time in aligning his throbbing tip to your dripping wet entrance.

“Gotta remember baby, you belong to me.” He whispered and spread your legs further apart and pushed into you slowly. You tried to be as quiet as you could when he started moving against you gently, then sped up as he went. You held on to his shoulders for dear life, pushing your face into his neck to keep quiet.

His nails digging into your skin as he held you by your hips, and yours scratching at the back of his neck as he filled you up like always; making you whine and moan as he went. He was different today, rougher, and more possessive because he needed to let you know that you didn’t need anyone else. 

“Did he touch you like this?” he asked as he sped up into you. “Did he fuck you like this as well, huh?” 

“No...please...” you begged him for more. 

You felt all of him, the bumpy and the velvety skin of his length. He was perfect as he stroked your walls with his pulsating cock. You were a moaning mess in no time. He pounded into you as fast as he could, your back slamming into the wall with each thrust; it hurt just a little. Your body moved along with his like a rag doll. And you never complained once. You could hear the wet sounds that he caused and the sounds of your skin clapping against each other.

“You’re mine, you get that? All mine,” he whispered against your lips, tugging on your bottom lip and making you shudder against him and the wall. He pounded into you; stretching you out. He growled in your ear. He stayed still for a moment, allowing himself to feel your walls clenching around his cock. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“Fuck…” you whined, trying to make your words make sense. “I’m yours Ransom, all yours…”

He sped up, and fucked you relentlessly; earning more and more moans out of you each time his cock stroked your walls. You soon felt the familiar pressure forming; pressing inside you as the familiar warmth spread all over your body. You moaned wantonly.

He nibbled at the skin beneath your ear and you lost all control you had left; your mind a foggy mess. Your clit rubbed against his pelvic bone each time he buried himself completely in you, and he soon quickened his pace; earning even more moans and mewls from you.

He pounded into you as fast as he could. He moaned right into your ear and the sound sent shivers down your back like it always did. He growled again, biting down on your skin.

Your legs started to shake around him as he quickened his pace; pounding into you relentlessly. The pleasure built nicely as he took you higher and higher.

“Cum for me, cum all over my cock…” he breathed into your ear. You couldn’t hold back anymore. So, you came undone around his cock; screaming. Walls clenching around him. Ransom’s thrusts became irregular and slower as he came right after you did, cock throbbing against your pulsating walls; moaning when he felt your walls pulsating violently around him, both of you gasping for air.

He moaned right into your ear and the sound sent shivers down your back like it always did no matter where he took you. Your legs started to shake around him as he quickened his pace; pounding into you relentlessly. The pleasure built nicely as he took you higher… and higher… and higher. Until you couldn’t hold back anymore. So, you came undone around his cock; screaming his name in the process.  

He caught his breath then pulled away to look at you. He gripped your jaw and kissed you deeply, reminding you again that you were his girl.  

You were gasping for air as well, but smirked still. “And is this how best friends act?” you sassed. Ransom pushed his semi erected cock back into you again, making you whine and clench around him again. The feeling of being full and stretched out was overwhelming.

“I don’t wanna be best friends. I wanna be more. And I want the world to know that you’re mine.” he whispered, nuzzling your cheek. “I like you, okay? I like you a lot. And I’m falling for you like crazy.”

You sighed and tightened your arms around him. “Took you long enough, huh?” you sassed still, voice trembling because his cock was snug inside you, throbbing against your walls.

“Shut up.” He chuckled and pulled away to look at you. “Now go dump that dumbass and let’s get out of here.”

[chisheya]

hanahaki disease [niragi x reader x chishiya] highschool au!

Summary: love is reckoned to make us powerful; not susceptible - as much as i tried to convince myself that. as much as i tried to stay strong; tough and heroic, enough to risk it all and let my emotions surge on the exterior. strong enough to be crushed yet again, to love and be loved again - knowing my fragility. 

 i’ve known the agony and lament sufficiently enough that it demolished my sanity, left my soul burning away, gradually fading into ashes and disappearing like dust under the moonlight’s breeze. and the funny unfunny part is - i wish i had told him, perhaps one day i will. 

‘‘I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. My love bloomed like a flower in my chest.’‘

Tag list: (if you want to be tagged, let me know because the previous post got deleted for some weird reason lol)

Word count: 2.5k

The sun's soft twinkles crawl over house rooftops, and in an early hour, despite it, it still felt like a chilly morning. Early as it is, the neighborhood was caught up with parents rushing with their children, some going to work, some even rushing late. Thankfully, the riots of youngsters were vetoed by the sound of Supermassive Black Hole by Muse playing through my earphones. I was deliberately walking down the alley on my way to school, gripping the hem of my uniform and cursing to myself that this skirt was of no use to at least keep my legs warm. 

The reckless gust reaching from my left side provoked me to jump out of my skin, revolting me from my daydream. 

‘’God's sake-’’ I turn my head only to see Chishiya standing next to me, with a smirk on his lips. The sudden view of him caused me to blush, as my brain screamed oh-look-your-crush. Although you could rarely see this guy smiling and being friendly, his agenda was incompatible. Clever, crucial, and cunning as he is, he always had a special place in my heart. Why, you ask? I'd love to know that too... Maybe because he has been my friend since forever. 

''You must be that cold, huh,'' Chishiya says sarcastically. ''Y-yeah.'' I murmur, ''anyway, again one of early practicals at the hospital today?'' ''Correct.''

''Yikes,'' I add, clicking my tongue, ''good luck.''

''Have you decided if you'll stay here in Tokyo?'' Chishiya pops a question, clearing his throat, as his face remains immersed on the boulevard in front of us. ''Huh, what do you mean?'' I add, looking up at him, wishing he'd look back at me. But he never does... 

''For university.'' ''Oh, that,'' is all I say, before taking the next few seconds to think what to proceed with, ''yeah, Tokyo - I guess, still not sure yet.''

''It better be Tokyo or I'm disowning you.'' He says in a stern voice, delivering it with a smirk as he quickly runs his hand through my hair, resulting in becoming a mess.

''Hey!'' I chuckle, about to return the favor but he succeeded to grab my wrist and stop me just on time. Shucks.

Chishiya and I have been friends since childhood, as our dads have been friends since their early school days as well. He's in his third year in med school and I'm about to graduate in less than a month and enter university in few months. Not to mention, living close enough in the same neighborhood visiting Shuntaro's family every Sunday for dinner was a ritual that my dad, Aguni, and I couldn't stop doing. My mother has had enough of Tokyo so she decided to leave for England. Yeah, pretty simple...it has only been dad and me since. Not like I regret staying with dad, and if there was the father that would win The Dad of the Year award, it would be him. Playing cards meanwhile drinking wine was a post-dinner ritual for our dads, later through time, Chishiya joining them as well. In most cases, I'd end up just observing how they play and anticipating who's going to win. From Aguni being the best to, Shuntaro's dad, a few years later as Chishiya evolved enough his cunning games he beat them in it. He became a card game master, no jokes. 

I didn't notice it has come for the time for us to go different paths, as my school was in the complete opposite direction.

''So,'' I murmur, stopping and turning to face him, ''I guess time to say goodbye.''

''Good luck, kid.'' He says, giving me a soft smile. Ah, if he only knew how something so insignificant and minor to him has such a consequence on my heart. But he never will though. As I know, what we are and what we are not. 

I just smiled as I watch him turn his back on me and leave first. He always leaves first. I stayed few more seconds as his figure slowly fades of to distance I get ready to go my way.

                                                        ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ 

 After the last class, I choose to go to a nearby library to catch up on some assignments. The library is a soft of the enormous coffee shop yet one can stay all day and feel good even if one buys nothing at all. That's the discrepancy. It is a place of welcome for everyone rather than for "customers." This is not a money-nexus venue yet a love-nexus space, and that makes it a real treasure in this city.

I was relinquished and dazzled by the book in front of me, until the moment someone’s voice yanks me out of my thoughts.

''Since classes are over, want to grab lunch?'' I feel a hand placing softly on my left shoulder as a soft boyish voice peaks behind me.

''Niragi,'' my lips stretch in a smile as I embrace my best friend in a hug, ''of course, you mind if Chishiya tags along as well?''

''Oh,'' he mouths, providing it with a vague look, as I feel him stiffen up a bit and breaking the hug before proceeding, ''Chishiya..too?'' 

''Yeah!'' 

''Sure,'' he says, providing it with a soft smile, ''definitely..'' 

''Great, I'll let him know then.'' 

                                                        ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ 

Niragi and I walked after school side by side, on the way to Shibuya where we agreed to meet up with Chishiya. As we have arrived early, we stand by a big poster advertisement. I gently lean my back onto it, facing the industrious avenues of Shibuya wandering with people. Niragi, leaning as well, right next to me. 

''So, have you decided? Is it going to be Tokyo or London?'' 

''Hm,'' I murmur as his question breaks me out of my trance, ''regarding studies?'' He nods. 

''Honestly, not sure,'' I hesitate, before proceeding, ''but I'd love to stay in Tokyo.'' This was not a lie, but London on the other hand, was just an excuse in case my health gets worse. An agreement was made with my dad that it'd be best to stay there with my mom and focus on getting better. 

''Tokyo.'' I sigh, still caught up thinking what if I have to end up having to go back to London. What do I do then? And more importantly, what do I tell them? The minor, simple thought of lying to the people I deeply care about stings. 

''And you?'' 

''Tokyo,'' he says softly while looking down, smiling - as the thought if he had something that binds him to dwell in this city, ''I already got accepted in for game engineering.'' 

I knock him softly on top of his head, standing on my tippy toes. Though he was portrayed as the delicate and sweet guy he is, he was taller than both Chishiya and me. 

''Ouch,'' he exclaims as his hand rests on top of his head, my action catching him off guard, ''why did you do that?'' 

''Why haven't you told me, little idiot?'' 

''I planned to,'' he giggles, a wide smile as I've never seen scattering across his delicate features, ''I was waiting for you to confirm you got in your desired major as well.'' 

Yeah, I have, Niragi. It's just that I might not even be able to go because of my health. The phrases, the verdict, that I desired I could have mouthed out. But I couldn't, not now. Not when we're about part ways, and the way I want to remember these recollections is by them as their happy-selves, us cycling through alleys of Tokyo, eating noodles in the park during chilly nights, by city lights as the background noise of crickets was vetoed by our laughter. The recollections, moments I'll protect in my psyche permanently. 

I just remained silent, looking at my friend as he was smiling and looking off to distance till he started waving to someone. I shift my gaze only to see Chishiya's figure approaching us, hands in his pockets as usual. 

''Hello there, peasants.'' Chishiya teases, as he finally approaches us.

''Excuse me, lord Shuntaro.'' Niragi scoffs at him, crossing his arms.

''So where will we head to?'' 

''Whoa, Morizono, not even embracing your friend in a warm hug and you're already talking about eating,'' Chishiya says falsifying pain in his voice, ''I'm hurt.''

 ''Chishiya,'' I let out, rolling my eyes at his statement, ''I know you don't do hugs.'' I proceed, nudging his forearm slightly, hoping that the warmth I felt growing in my cheeks wasn't showing. 

''Fuunji or Ichiran Shibuya?'' Niragi says, clicking his tongue. 

''Fuunji,'' I mutter, at the same time as Chishiya adds, ''Ichiran.'' Our eyes met instantly as we both realized our choices were different.

Do I have to mention that I'm probably already blushing? No, because heck - yes I am. 

Oh boy, here we go. Let him have his way, Y/N. 

As you always do. 

''You know what, let's go to Ichiran,'' I exclaim, looking in between my best friends waiting for them to agree. 

''Ichiran it is,'' Niragi exclaims. 

A little while later, our food has finally arrived. The moment it lands on the table, Niragi digs at his sweet and sour soup and pulls out all the cubes of carrot. I don't say anything, I really couldn't care less about table manners and there's always something interesting going on in his head. Chishiya calm and collected as he is, starts eating at a slow pace. After swallowing his first bite, he breaks the silence, ''we must go somewhere to celebrate your birthday, Y/N.'' 

''I'm not sure-''

Niragi peeks up at me with sticky fingers in his mouth. Meanwhile, Chishiya adds, through the mouthful, that I could just about make out the name "Kyoto."

As my mouth was full of food as well, I just nod seriously. 

"That's a great idea, Chishiya. I never thought of that." Niragi grins, still with the fingers in his mouth, then he scoops them up and lines them neatly next to his stocking.

Chishiya holds out a cup of soju, "for Y/N." Niragi's hand comes over and snatches it up, his grin as wide as his cheeks will stretch, and scatters back.

Chishiya and I just exchanged looks, laughing at his silliness.

We drank soju, we were already merry and full, we told the most terrible of jokes. That was us. Casual, informal, yet caring enough to make the time we spend together joyful. 

                                                         ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ 

After grabbing lunch with Chishiya and Niragi, I headed straight home. The thought of visiting Kyoto for my birthday with them was still bouncing on my mind. The thing is, how to bring it up to Aguni? Hm? As loving and fond as he is of both of them, the thought of sending his only daughter away with two boys on a trip probably sounded far away from a brilliant idea. Sigh, I guess it'll take a lot to convince him. 

''Dad, I'm home!'' I exclaim, meanwhile closing the doors behind me and taking off my shoes in the hallway. 

''Someone's back home early, huh?'' Aguni says chuckling, as he plants a soft kiss on my forehead. 

''Yup, something smells delightful,'' I say, meanwhile slapping my hands in excitement and taking my seat. 

''Ah, you sneaky,'' He adds, taking the seat as well across me, ''it's your favorite - pad thai chicken wok.'' 

''So,'' I began, meanwhile randomly picking food with chopsticks in my plate, ''I have a question.'' 

''Yes?'' Aguni murmurs, mouthful, gazing up at me. ''So you know that my birthday is next week...'' I say awkwardly, placing my chopsticks gently on the table. 

''Of course, how would I forget my daughter's birthday?'' He scoffs, butthurt that his daughter thinks he's that forgetful. 

''No, of course not.'' I chuckle, ''but I did want to ask you something, uh...'' 

''Go ahead, silly.'' 

Just say it. Now or never. And I do - ''I've been thinking of visiting Kyoto with Chishiya and Niragi-'' 

''Not happening.'' 

''But-'' 

''You? On a trip? With two boys?'' his voice stern as he glares up at me, causing me to swallow, ''you must be out of your mind to think I'll let you, Y/N. Boys your age are wild.'' 

''No, there's going to be more of other friends...too, from school.'' I start, slightly panicking as I was also trying to think of the ways to get him to approve, ''not just Chishiya and Niragi, although you know they're my closest friends.'' I proceed further, looking around the food on the table, as I noticed he has almost cleared out his plate, and yet there was still chicken left in mine. Splendid, a perfect way to bribe him now.

''Plus,'' I mutter, as I start taking out the chicken from my plate, putting on his, his eyes now fully focused on that chicken, ''I know you trust them enough to protect me if anything happens, right?'' I grin, awkwardly. 

''Only because they are aware who's your father and someone not to mess with.'' He adds, still not convinced enough, but still taking the small pieces of chicken with his chopsticks. 

''Uh, yeah,'' I murmur, as I watch him, eating up those last few pieces of chicken as if they are his last, ''beside your protectiveness, what do you think?''

''Y/N, you've forgot one thing.'' Aguni says with a serious tone, placing down his chopsticks. 

''What?'' I question, acting dumb. Expecting him to answer, he just remains silent and gives me an even worse glare now, ''doctor's appointment,'' I add, ''come on, it doesn't have to be next week as well. Just check with them if they can postpone it.''   

He preserves silent, still staring up at me with a serious look on his face. Sigh.

''A trip with my friends is more important. Not to mention, it's our last as we're all parting ways soon because of university.''  

''To you. But to me, your health is more important Y/N.''

''I...understand, dad,'' I sigh, looking up at him, falsifying a smile, ''but look at me, I'm feeling fine. I've never been better.''

''Same as you claimed in the past, until it happened again and I was close to losing you forever.'' He asserts, this time his voice louder than before.

''Dad...cheer up,'' I exclaim, as I reach out my hand, placing it on top of his, ''it's...just because it happened then, doesn't mean it will happen again.''

''You don't know that. Your condition is serious-''

''I'll take care of myself. Alright?'' I murmur, squeezing his hand, ''please, can I go?''   

''Alright, alright. Under one condition, take care of yourself and as soon as you get back we're going to the doctors. Promise?''

''I promise.'' I holler, lunging from my seat to hug him before storming off to my room. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I lean my back on it. 

There was an eerie sentiment I felt within, a good sort though - just not sure for what exact reason yet. It felt like it was the calling card of an adventure, paths awaiting, what will transpire. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was an exploration to take and so I smiled. The inklings would come, perhaps when I’d least expected it, so I’m ready to take this leap of faith.

[enviedear]

liability → draco malfoy

DESCRIPTION ⌙ in which y/n slips herself weak love potion daily to get through the wretched sadness she feels she can’t escape. in her mind, she’s a liability. and unbeknownst to her, draco malfoy feels the same.

PAIRING ⌙ draco x fem!reader

WORD COUNT ⌙ 3.2k

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tw for depression ; something i have so please know i understand if you’re going through it. my messages are always open if you need a friend. be good to yourself and if this may trigger you pls don’t read it. all the love, olivia <3

pls enjoy this angst, and also please ignore the science behind love potions in this fic.

after cedric had been killed, life for you wasn’t the same. the two of you were the best of friends. you did absolutely everything together. cedric helped you be the very best you. 

after him, life seemed grey, dull, and monotonous. you didn’t have anyone to talk to.

your friends pulled back from you and said they made a mistake thinking they could take you on, and you understood. some days you could be so happy and carefree and the very next minute you drifted into the dark abyss that was your mind. you were a little much, for everyone. 

over the summer you began reading to take your mind off of cedric. well, not him, just what happened. you forced yourself to read every book in your home. from books about the stars, to poetry, to books on theories, and finally your textbooks.

it was one of the hottest days of summer when you came across the chapter on love potions. it gave you an idea. the chapter clearly stated that the drinker of the love potion would become infatuated with the person who gave it to them. who’s to say you couldn’t become infatuated with yourself.

of course you didn’t want to become a narcissus, so you brewed a very weak version.

it worked. for a whole day you were happy. you ate, laughed, and were so good to yourself. you were in love with the girl you were. you found yourself slow dancing alone, stroking your own cheek, being there for yourself. 

of course, it didn’t last and by night time you were back to feeling all too much. the type of feeling where you’re silent and unmoving, the world a blur but your thoughts in a deathly focus. 

it was that night you decided that you’d take a weak love potion everyday until your bad feelings went away on their own. you were tired of being the girl people pushed away because they didn’t understand. 

so you did exactly that. your entire fifth year consisted of flying under umbridge’s radar. thanks to harry potter and the order, that proved easier than expected. no one suspected you.

now, you’re in sixth year. everyone is convinced you’re happy again and they don’t treat you like some sort of liability. of course, they don’t know that every night you cry and feel exactly like you did in fourth year. but that’s ok, you can handle the nights as long as the days are good. you find it to be a cycle now. in the mornings you take the potion and it’s almost like the best part of yourself fights the whole day to take care of you, but by night, she looses to the worst part of yourself.

“y/n would you like to go to hogsmeade today?” your friend, cece asks.

“i would love to, but i have to study for transfiguration.” you sigh, giving your friend a sorry look.

“ah it’s ok, you’re taking advanced this year. you’re right to study. mara and i will make sure to bring you back some things from honeydukes.”

you smile and thank your friend before making your way to the astronomy tower. cedric was the one to introduce you to studying here, and you never stopped. 

you take a seat on the steps and begin studying multicorfors.

just as you were getting up to practice the spell, a body runs into you, causing the both of you to tumble to the floor.

you look to your side and spot draco malfoy, who, besides being herbology partners one year, you didn’t really talk to.

“are you okay, draco?” you ask, helping the boy off the floor.

he smoothes out his suit jacket, “yes, l/n.”

you scoff a bit and raise your eyebrows at him, “are you sure because it’s unlike you to stumble about. you’re just too good for that.”

draco glowers at you.

“okay i’m sorry. i didn’t want to be here anyway,” you gesture around the room, “the astronomy tower is now yours.”

he doesn’t say anything as you exit the room and you shrug it off. 

‘as if draco malfoy could be pleasant’, you think to yourself, annoyed.

once you approach the hufflepuff common room you feel the effects of your potion begin to wear off. you curse yourself a little for not drinking enough potion to last you until dinner and decide to run by the kitchens to grab something before bed. there’s no way you can sit through dinner like this.

by the time you make it to your dorm room you feel heavy with thoughts. you curl into your bed crying and stare at the stone wall until you fall into a dreamless sleep. like most nights.

the next morning is a saturday and you wake up early, before your dorm mates, and grab the bottle of love potion under your bed, hidden in a locked trunk. you down the small bottle and watch it refill thanks to the spell you placed on it, and put it back, hidden away.

you decide to head to breakfast early and grab a muffin to take with you to the astronomy tower. you need to master multicorfors before your test on tuesday.

a half hour into your practice, you’re doing the spell almost perfectly. though, changing your skirt into pants proves to be your downfall. you just can’t get it. 

“i need the astronomy tower.” a voice says from behind you.

you turn to see draco malfoy, again wearing a fitted suit.

“you can study while i’m here draco.” you say pointedly.

“i don’t want to.” he scowls.

you roll your eyes, “then study elsewhere.”

“no. you can leave.” 

“listen draco, i can argue with you all day, but i’m not moving until i’ve mastered multicorfors. so either you stay here with me or you go somewhere else.” you groan.

he doesn’t reply but takes a seat on the steps, taking out his wand and transfiguration book.

you smile to yourself, happy to win the argument, and go back to trying to change your skirt into a pair of pants. 

“you’re too rigid with your movements, l/n.” draco tells you.

“can you show me then? i can’t figure it out.” you ask.

“no. just flick your wand more. it’s not that hard.” he says.

you give him a deadpan look, “please. this is the last part of the lesson i need to get. if you show me i can leave sooner.”

draco groans but gets up and walks over to you.

“give me your hand.” he instructs. 

you do as you’re told and he grabs your hand, showing you the correct way to move your wand. his hand is warmer compared to yours and you like the way he warms you up. it’s also extremely soft, almost as if he’s never had a single callous. 

“you have soft hands.” you tell him, grinning.

surprisingly draco lets out a small smile, “you’re supposed to be paying attention.”

“i can’t. you have baby soft hands.” you joke looking up at him.

“i just use lotion. you should try it sometime, your hands feel like a house elves’.” he teases.

you let out a deep laugh, “who knew draco malfoy was such a comedian?”

he feigns shock, “i made those hilarious ‘potter sticks’ badges back in fourth year for nothing then?”

you suck in a unnoticed breathe at the mention of fourth year before smiling,“okay i suppose that should have been a hint. but it was mean.” 

draco and you continue to talk and practice transfiguration up until dinner. the time flying while the two of you are together.

“would you like to eat dinner up here? i can grab us some things from the kitchen.” you ask him, packing your bag up.

“i actually have something to do, but maybe some other time. let’s meet here again tomorrow though, i can help you with transfiguration.” he says.

“draco malfoy fraternizing with a muggle-born hufflepuff. tsk tsk.” you joke before agreeing and heading to dinner. 

you don’t miss the eyeroll he gives you for that remark.

“where were you all day, y/n?” mara questions as you sit down beside her.

“astronomy tower. i was practicing transfiguration. you’ll never guess who ended up helping me either.” you beam, grabbing a plate for yourself.

“who helped you? i’m guessing cormac mclaggen, he seems to have a crush on you.” cece says.

your face contorts in disgust, “no, definitely not. that guy is a creep. it was malfoy actually, and he’s surprisingly funny.”

mara and cece give each other a look before mara speaks, “you do know people are saying he’s a deatheater, right?” 

you roll your eyes, “malfoy is not a deatheater. i think a deatheater would oppose to helping a mudblood.”

your friends shrug and dinner continues on with normal conversation.

“cece and i are going to study in the library before bed if you want to join us.” mara says, grabbing her books.

“i’m okay, plus i’m super tired. i’ll see you at the dorm.” you smile, before parting with your friends.

slipping into your bed you begin to feel the come down of your potion. tonight your pain hurts even more than usual. you feel so trapped and can’t seem to catch your breath. you keep thinking back to the last time you had spoken to your best friend.

it was a week before the maze and he was sitting with you by black lake.

“y/n i promise you once i win, i’m taking you and cho to the fanciest restaurant i can find and we’ll all celebrate.” he had grinned, leaning against a tree.

you giggled and shoved him playfully before saying, “if you don’t win i’m still expecting that dinner.”

“i’ll win. i’ve been practicing so much.”

“i know, you barely ever have time to see me now.” you had sighed.

“y/n i’m sorry. i promise that after all of this is over, you and i are going to see each other everyday. i can’t live without you, kid. you’re my best friend.” he soothed, giving you a hug.

you had leaned into him, “forever?”

he laughed, “of course.”

that memory was etched in your brain. you knew it would never leave your mind. 

you laid silently crying in your bed as your dorm mates entered to room, ready for bed. they said goodnight to each other before getting into their own beds, assuming you to be drifted off by now, and after a few minutes, their snores are the only sound in the room. 

the emptiness of your being feels too much and you’re desperate to escape. you need air. you need something to remind you that you’re alive.

you quietly sneak out of your room, out of the common room, and up the stairs to the astronomy tower.

as you quickly enter the doorway of the tower, a body collides into yours, knocking you back a bit. 

when you look up, tears falling out of your eyes, you’re greeted by teary grey ones. draco’s.

he sniffles and steadies himself before asking, “what’s wrong, l/n?”

you can’t seem to find the words. no one has asked you this question in years, and so much is wrong.

all you can do is cry harder.

“you have to breathe l/n. you’re going to upset yourself more, just breathe.” he says, voice breaking.

you try to calm down but nothing is helping. nothing feels real. cedric should still be here. you shouldn’t be this broken. life should be how it was. now it’s just too much.

“i hate it, draco.” you finally cry out.

he wipes the tears from his own eyes, “what do you hate, l/n. talk to me.”

“i hate that i haven’t been the same since fourth year. i hate that my best friend is gone. i hate that i have to worry that everyone around me is going to die, just because of some evil dark wizard. and i hate that i take fucking love potions everyday just to feel okay. i hate it all.” you breathe, finally. 

draco raises his eyebrows, “you’ve been taking love potions?”

you nod, weary of your confession.

“i’m sorry y/n.” he mumbles.

your eyes meet his at the mention of your first name. coming from him it seems so genuine. he’s never called you by your first name before.

“you won’t tell anyone will you?” you ask, eyes searching his.

“no, i won’t,” he pauses. “but you should get back to your dorm, i’ll walk you back. a walk might help you calm down.”

you nod and let the boy lead you through the dark castle, lit only by the moon. draco’s steps are lighter than yours, and it causes you to wonder how he learned how to be so quiet. it’s unlike him.

when the two of you reach the hufflepuff entrance you whisper to him, “thank you for calming me down, draco. it means a lot that you would help me.”

in the shadows you see him smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. you bid the boy goodnight, and walk back to your dorm. of course you’re still sad but the sadness is somewhat diluted, thanks to none other than draco malfoy. 

you continue to meet with draco daily throughout the months of your sixth year. the two of you finding comfort in each other. 

by now, you’re becoming far less dependent on love potions. having someone to confide in proving immensely helpful.

but although you’re getting better, draco only grows worse. you never ask him what’s troubling him. maybe because you’re scared he won’t tell you or maybe because you’re scared to loose the person helping you the most. either way, you still try to help him as much as possible.

today, may the eighth, draco and you have plans to go to hogsmeade to look for a new notebook for you, since your old one is completely used up. you really loved mcgonagall, but the woman sure stressed you out with all the notes she commanded your class to take.

you’ve been waiting patiently for twenty minutes, but he doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight.

maybe he’s still at breakfast? you think to yourself, before heading into the castle to search for your friend.

you peer around the dining hall, coming up short. so you decide to go to the astronomy tower. if you needed draco you could usually find him there.

when you enter the sixth floor, ready to head further up, you hear shouting. curious, you walk toward the noise, which is coming from the boys’ bathroom.

you hesitate going in but once you hear a defensive spell being cast, you draw your wand and bound into the bathroom.

in front of you stands harry potter. he’s crouched behind a wall, clutching his wand and panting. you furrow your brows, and go to question what he’s doing before you see draco emerge and cast the cruciatus curse at him.

before you can tell them both to stop, harry yells out a curse you’ve never heard of before.

“sectumsempra!”

almost instantly, draco falls to the floor, blood pouring out of him.

you’re shocked, and don’t even feel yourself run to him. you don’t hear harry’s apologies. you don’t hear when professor snape rushes in. you don’t hear a thing other than draco’s pained cries.

it reminds you all too much of the chaos of cedric’s death. everything happening too fast.

when snape finally stops the bleeding he instructs you to get back to your common room and keep quiet. you don’t try to fight him on it, and do as you’re told.

after a few hours of worried overthinking, you leave the hufflepuff common room and head to the hospital wing. when you enter the large room, you notice draco immediately. he’s the only one.

“draco?” you call his name, standing beside his bed.

the boy opens his eyes and stares right at you, causing you to cry.

“i was so scared draco.” you cry, placing your hand on your friends chest, feeling his heartbeat. it’s comforting.

“i have to tell you something, y/n, before it’s too late. you just have to promise you won’t tell a soul.” he tells you, voice weak.

“draco you’ve kept my secret over these months. i would never hurt you by telling anyone.” you say.

your friend gives you a weak smile before sitting up in the bed and pulling up his left sleeve, exposing a black ink that contrasts so much from his pale white skin.

“they’re coming here in june. i don’t know the day yet but when i find out i’ll tell you. you have to stay safe, y/n. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner.” draco advises.

“you’re a deatheater.” you breathe out, eyes locked to the dark mark on his arm.

you can’t believe the scene in front of you. your draco, a villain that you’ve been so deathly afraid of for years.

“i’m so sorry y/n. it wasn’t my choice. but please promise me that you’ll stay safe. i need you here with me, not gone by the hands of a dark wizard.” the boy pleads, grasping your hand.

you look him in the eyes, “i promise draco.”

he doesn’t let go of your hand and brings it back to his heart.

“i care so deeply for you, y/n. you’re so good. thank you for everything.” he says, faltering.

your eyes are teary when you say, “i love you draco.”

with that you slip your hand out of his and walk back to your dorm. your thoughts seem to be invasive that night. you contemplate grabbing the bottle of love potion you haven’t taken in a month, but decide against it.

you feel cheated. everything had been so perfect. all the excitement you had from running through the nights with the boy you love begin to eat you alive.

it’s not fair for it to turn out like this. the two of you so dependent on each other, but on two separate sides of a war. there’s no way this can end well.

you realize you love draco, as more than a friend. that scares you and so you’re back to thinking that you’re better off on your own.

draco still sits with you in the astronomy tower daily, but the two of you don’t speak much. you, scared of falling deeper in love. and him, too focused on his task. 

of course you find yourself loving the boy more and more everyday. the two of you are always embraced when together, and even though it’s unspoken, you know draco loves you too.

it’s the thirtieth day of june, you’re in the astronomy tower alone when draco comes rushing in.

“y/n you have to go, they’re here.” he warns, checking the stairs behind him.

you freeze at his statement. you knew the day would come but you still weren’t prepared.

“y/n! are you listening to me? you have to go.” he shouts.

this is it. this is the final time you’ll see draco before the war officially starts, after this there’s no more innocent days spent together. here you are again, loosing your best friend.

you get up from the floor and walk to draco. you cup his face gently, “take care of yourself. i love you.”

he eases a little and places his hand on yours, “i love you more. i hope you know that.”

and you do. of course you do.

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 17

So, as promised, part 17 is her.

Be prepared to submerge our bird boy with hugs, he will need them.

I promise the chapter will end in fluff and in a good note. The angst is only for the beginning. I need to douse it a bit since from ch 19 onwards the angst gremlin will be back with a vengeance.

I hope you will love it.

A big hug to all the people who commented, reblogged or loved this fic. Thanks to all of you.

A week had gone by and Aelin and Rowan had taken the official decision to try and go back and both deal with the mess of their lives. 

The week had been perfect. Rowan had taken her hillwalking everyday and slowly she had started to feel like herself again. His presence had helped immensely. In a very short time he had become her rock. Full recovery was still a long way ahead but she felt better and with him at her side she had no more panic attacks or nightmares. 

She felt sad at the idea of leaving the cottage in the mountains but they had promised to go back for some special occasion.

*

It was morning and Rowan was getting ready to go back to work. They had set a date for the inquiry on his student’s death and that would be the day.

For once Aelin was the one worried one. She could not forget his reaction to the movie or the night he came back drunk after Fuzzy’s death. She knew he had put up a wall but hoped he would at least let her in. 

“What are you going to do?” He asked her while adjusting his tie.

“I have a meeting with Dorian and the counsellor and then I will pop in at the station and say hi to the squad and apologise.”

“Good.” His tone was detached and she moved a step to him and hugged his waist from behind “are you okay?”

He sighed “nervous. This will mean revive the entire accident over and over again.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head and kissed her “thanks for the offer but I will be fine. My squadron will be there and you have an important meeting as well.”

“Ok,” she wanted to believe him, but could not ignore his cold detached tone and Aelin had learned that it was his coping mechanism. He was not okay.

-

Rowan arrived at the airforce HQ and was met by Lorcan.

“Sir,” he stood to attention.

“At ease captain,” Rowan stood down from attention and placed his hands behind his back in a at rest pose “I am sorry it’s so quick. I knew you were coming back yesterday and I did manage to hold on until today.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Are you sure you are ready?” And for once Rowan heard concern in his CO’s voice “this is going to be brutal.”

“I know.”

“I am on the board too and we have Captain Walker from the 24th squadron and Captain Matthews from the 31st and two engineers. They have all copies of the inquiry sent to the board.”

“Who is the president?”

“Marshal Clark.” Said Lorcan in a preoccupied tone.

“Fuck. The man hates me with a vengeance.”

Rowan sighed again and sat on the bench just outside of the room used for the meeting.

His squad arrived a moment later and they patted each other’s back in support.

“We are all here.” Gavriel told him taking a seat at his side.

“Thanks everyone.”

One of the assistants appeared on the door and announced the board was ready to convene. Rowan quickly texted Aelin and switched off his mobile.

The marshal, being the president, was in the centre of the seating area. Rowan went to greet the other two captains with whom he got along nicely and had known for a long time. Then he went to the marshal and saluted as expected “at ease captain.”

Rowan went to his assigned seat and flipped through the folder in front of him. It contained all the documents they needed. His report of the accident, the reports from the engineering team and other supporting evidence.

Marshal Clark called everyone to attention and declared the board in session. He then proceeded to explain to the members the accident that had happened.

One of the engineers who had performed checks after the aircraft had been recovered was asked to present his findings “after the analysis of the recovered aircraft and after having studied the dynamics of the accident we have found out that the main cause for the engine failure was a disruption in the airflow in the port intake causing it to stall with enough yaw rate to induce a flat spin. Cadet Williamson, according to the records of the accident, flew in the jet wash of one of his classmate’s aircrafts. That caused the airflow disruption. The stall was unrecoverable.” explained the engineer reading from his report “with regard to the canopy, we have found a fault in some model of jets used by the students where the charges did not operate correctly, causing the canopy to separate incorrectly. All those planes are grounded and now being checked.”

“Thank you.” Said the marshal, then his gaze turned to Rowan “Captain Whitethorn, stand please.”

Rowan did so.

“Could you please re tell the board the events that lead to the death of the cadet?”

Rowan took a deep breath and retold step by step what happened. It was still vivid in his mind that it would take ages before he could forget it.

“Did you tell the cadet to eject?”

“I did, sir.”

“Why?” Asked the marshal with inquisitive tone.

“He had lost control of the aircraft. From the black box retrieved from his jet he had pulled 9g after he started spiralling. From my position I could see that he was about to pass out. Ejecting the seat had been the safest option. Little did I know that the canopy would fail.”

The two other captains nodded in agreement, knowing full well that they would have suggested the same thing.

“Would the cadet have survived if he had more high G training?”

“Sir,” Rowan almost growled at his superior “his jet was under 9g for almost ten seconds before crashing in the water. Not even an experienced and highly trained pilot can sustain or survive that.” He breathed again “and you know better than me that centrifuge training can be done only with some weekly limits due to its dangers.”

“Had the cadets received basic procedures on how to properly eject and when?”

“Yes, sir. It’s one of the first things they are taught. They are shown how to properly deploy their parachute and how to blow the canopy. Training is also done in different conditions to simulate possible combat scenery.”

“Training was not the issue here,” said Lorcan going in Rowan’s support “Captain Whitethorn is one of our most experienced instructors and hundreds of students have survived his crushing training and are still alive today because of what he has taught them.”

“The post mortem also backed the cause of death in the crash of the body against the canopy.” Added captain Matthews.

“What kind of training were you doing that day?” The marshal continued, ignoring the protests.

“We were going through some basic dogfight routines. The cadets were only five months out of the academy so we were just covering the basics as per fighter school curriculum.” Answered Rowan who felt lost all of a sudden.

“Would the manoeuvre you had practiced put the boy in a position to be in another jet’s wake? Didn’t you teach them how to stay away from the jet wash of another aircraft during a dogfight?” The marshal had an agenda, that was very clear to Rowan. He was trying to blame this on him.

Captain Walker stood angrily “why are we attacking captain Whitethorn? The problem was that the engine stalled due to the jet wash from another aircraft. An experienced fighter might have been able to find a way out of such deadly spiral, the gods know I have found myself in that situation and got out of it by pure damn luck. Not a cadet five months out of the academy. It’s our job to teach them such manoeuvres but only after they have mastered the basics.” He sat down again nodding at Rowan.

“A good instructor would have taught his students how to fly in close formation and to avoid the wake of a team mate. A captain should know what such manoeuvre could cause.” Continued the marshal who had taken the fight to Rowan.

Lorcan stood angrily “That is enough.” He shouted.

“I would suggest you to sit down, Air commodore.”

“Not when you accuse my best instructor of being the cause of the death of a student.”

“It is my job as president of this board to try and figure out what happened.”

“I told two of my students they were too close. I advised another one not to drop below hard deck. I care about the safety of my students.” Rowan almost growled at the marshal “also, I stand by my decision to order cadet Williamson to eject. Had the canopy worked he’d be alive now.”

The marshal nodded and with a bored expression he then went back to the engineering team and they discussed the canopy issue.

Rowan let them talk and his brain disconnected completely and tried to ignore the pain from what had just transpired.

He sat in silence listening to the rest of the board discuss in the background. 

The marshal eventually called the board to attention “Following the evidence provided by the engineering team and the testimony of captain Whitethorn I declare that the death of cadet Williamson was caused by the port engine stall due to airflow disruption in the intake. The commission also noted that the flat spin in which the cadet went in was not recoverable. Captain Whitethorn is cleared of any faults.” Rowan noticed the disappointment on the man’s face for the fact the had been cleared of any faults.

The marshal then turned to Lorcan “Commodore, I expect you to keep the students grounded until the training jets have been fixed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The board is dismissed.” Clark stood and walked out.

The other two captain went to Rowan “I had no idea the bastard would try to blame you for this.”captain Matthews added with fury.

“I would have told my students to eject as well. It was the only option.” Added captain Walker.

But Rowan was not listening. It hurt too much, knowing that someone had tried to blame the death of his student on him. That the marshal had to question all of his choices and possibly his training methods.

Lorcan and his squadron were at his side as soon as the room was clear.

“The arsehole has some guts.” Commented Fenrys but Gavriel elbowed him.

Rowan stood in a daze and left the room ignoring the voices of his team calling him.

*

Aelin’s meeting with Dorian and the counsellor had gone better than she expected. Thanks to Rowan she had been able to open up and talk to them about what happened and how she had been before her escape and what had prompted her to flee. She admitted to them her fears.

She felt much better but she had confessed that she did not feel ready to go back in action. She felt okay about going back to the station and work from the office but was not ready yet to be in a fire. She was still too scared for that and Dorian and the counsellor accepted her admission.

So they had agreed for a transition period. Aelin was told as well to attend weekly sessions with the counsellor to track her progress and her mental health recovery. She would be on desk duty for a while and after that, Dorian was willing to send her back out but just at his side in a fire emergency allowing her again to be close to the fire scene and if that went well they could work on a plan on sending her back in. 

She had agreed with the final decision and had left the room with a smile and a light heart. She stopped in the corridor to check her phone but no news from Rowan. The meeting should be over by now. She hoped he was okay.

Happily she drove back to her squad and everyone was eager to catch up with her. Then Aedion stopped in front of her “never again,” he told her and Aelin went for a hug. He remained stiff for a moment, then his arms enveloped her in a bear hug “looks like your captain fixed you up nicely.”

“Hey, I would recover from anything if I had such man looking after me.” Said Ansel and everyone laughed.

“He has been nice to me.” But all she could think was his face from that morning.

 *

Rowan had been walking without a direction for a while now. He felt as if he had lost his rudder, he had spent the last twelve years of his life working for people who had been ready to blame on him the death of a student. He looked at his uniform and for the first time since he had worn it he felt no pride in it. He had been so tempted to resign his wings on the spot. No matter that he had been cleared, it stung so much, even if it had been the opinion of one man.

It had been too much. He knew the marshal was never a fan of his. The first student he had lost had been his son. But at the time as well the board had declared it had not been his fault. It had been the pilot’s mistake. The marshal never forgave him. Seeing him again at a board for a student’s death he had probably tried to punish him for what happened to his son.

In the distance he spotted a pub and decided that a drink might help. He got in and sat at the counter and ordered a whisky, but once the drink was in front of him he could not drink it. In his current state he would spiral down again to the same level of self destruction of many years before when he lost the marshal’s son and he could not do that again. He could not put Aelin through that pain.

So he did the only sensible thing. He called her.

Aelin was in the common room with the squad and they were having fun and the guys were telling her about some of the calls they had and then they were teasing Luca and his upcoming exam.

She was about to tell them to stop picking on him when her phone went off. It was Rowan and her heart stopped. 

She quickly left the room and went outside, sitting on the bumper of one of the engines “hey,”

“Hi,” his voice was low and flat and she feared for him.

“What’s wrong.”

Silence.

“Ro, are you okay?”

“No.”

Shit. She stood and started pacing “where are you?”

“At a pub.”

“Which one.”

He told her the name.

“I am coming. Just stay there.” And closed the conversation and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. A week before she had been at the receiving end of such conversation.

She ran back to the squad “guys, I need to go. Rowan. It’s not good. I just have to go…”

She didn’t even wait for an answer. She just rushed back to her car and drove to him. He did not sound drunk so maybe it was not all lost.

She arrived at pub not long after and stormed in. Rowan was sitting at the counter staring at a glass of whisky in front of him.

“Ro.” She walked to him and his green eyes fell on her. There was pain in them, so much pain.

“You are not drunk,” she told him.

“He ordered the whisky two hours ago and had been staring at it ever since.” Said the bartender.

“Hey,” she caressed his head and he closed his eyes at the touch “what happened?”

He shook his head “not here.” He stood and Aelin followed then came back and chugged down the abandoned whisky and went after him.

He was walking away and she ran after him “wait, you have long legs, damn you.” He extended an arm behind him and Aelin grabbed his hand “fine, we are outside, spill the beans.”

She definitely had no tact.

He walked silently a bit longer until they reached a small park and he sat down on a bench and Aelin took a spot at his side never letting his hand go.

And then he told her. Everything that had happened in the room. The results of the inquiry, the marshal’s accusations. The identity of the first student he had lost and his desire to quit.

“I wanted to throw my wings in the marshal’s face.” He looked down dejected “I feel lost now. I want to go back to my students, I owe it to them, to teach them how to be safe. But everything else… I don’t care about it anymore.” his head leaned against her shoulder and Aelin brushed his head with her hand and kissed it tenderly “Ro, how can I help you?”

Rowan turned his head to her and she thought his eyes were wet with tears “what you are doing just now is enough. Having you with me helps.”

“Do you need to go back to the airbase now?”

Rowan nodded sadly.

“Ok, I’ll drive you.” Aelin stood and Rowan followed but before moving he pulled her to him and drew her in for a kiss “I love you.” He said quietly.

She flicked his nose “let’s go.” She offered him her hand and together they walked back to her car.

They arrived at the airbase not long after “do you need me to come in?”

Rowan shook his head “my team is there. I will be fine. Gav will stop me from doing anything stupid.”

“Good. I am going back to the station.” She leaned forward to kiss him “Will you be okay? I am worried about you.”

“I am a big boy.” He joked.

“Ro…”

He leaned forward and kissed her “I do love so much when you call me Ro like that…”

Aelin smiled against his lips “don’t do anything stupid and tomorrow you can ravish me all you want. You can even be super creative.”

“How can I refuse such proposal?” He kissed her again “I will be fine.” His hand went to the door handle and opened the door “I will see you tomorrow morning at home. Have a nice night shift.”

Aelin’s heart swelled with joy at the word home. Their place. They hadn’t made it official but her house had become home. Their home. And she loved the feeling of it.

“Think creative, captain.”

He winked at her and left the car. Then he waved at her and Aelin left, he put his cap on his head and headed back inside the airbase.

-

Rowan made his way to Lorcan’s office and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” came from inside.

Rowan entered the room and Lorcan looked up at him and he did notice the expression of disbelief in his CO’s face.

“Rowan —” but the other man stopped him.

“Thank you for today. For the support.” Rowan said quietly sitting on the chair in front of his CO.

“The man was out of line.” Lorcan growled “he knows what kind of instructor you are. How strict you are. The man was trying to get you sacked as a punishment for his son’s death knowing full well that again it was not your fucking fault.”

Rowan looked away, shutting away the painful memories.

“I already sent orders to start working on the canopies and check them all.”

Rowan nodded silently.

“I know what we can do to cheer you up.” Rowan turned his head staring at a surprisingly cheery Lorcan. Elide was really doing miracles.

“Grab you gear and let’s get out in the air, this man here needs to fly. It’s been so long that it’s a miracle I can still be called a pilot.” And he chuckled.

Rowan stood “Fine, be ready to be crushed.”

Lorcan grinned and stood as well “Oh, I submitted a proposal to allow women to serve in the airforce.”

Rowan’s head whipped to one side “who are you and what have you done with Lorcan Salvaterre?”

“The captain and Elide. Turns out we have both chosen very strong women.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.”

Rowan was doing his pre-flight checks when he noticed Lorcan joining him. The man had always exuded charisma.

“You should really send Elide a picture of you in a jump suit. I know how much Aelin likes it, I guess Elide might appreciate it too.”

Lorcan lifted an eyebrow while he reached his jet and popped open the canopy “you think?”

Rowan nodded “how is it going with her by the way?”

“She is incredible. She is tiny but fierce and stubborn and quite amazing.”

Rowan could not believe it, Lorcan was in awe of someone a feat that he thought was impossible.

“You are in love with her.”

“I think so.” said Lorcan hiding the words in a cough, almost embarrassed by his admission.

“Good.” Then he stared at Lorcan and he realised that going out out for a flight had been a good idea. They were evenly matched in skill and it was going to be a fun one. They had a few turbulent months but he had more or less always got along with him. Flying together again felt like the good old times.

“You missed a spot.” Rowan pointed at one section under the wing. 

Lorcan replied with a middle finger and it felt nice to have their old banter back when Lorcan could finally put aside his CO mask for a while.

“I am not a cadet, I know how to do my pre flight checks.”

“Well, you are not following the order we were taught at flight school, cadet Salvaterre.”

“Stop being a smartass, cadet Whitethorn.”

Rowan climbed in his jet and finished his checks inside and communicated with the tower to finalise the flight plan and get the authorisations required.

“Come on Lorcan, you are so slow. Tower gave us the all clear and the flight plan is in. Are you sure you still remember how to fly? Do you need any pointers, Chaos?”

Chaos was Lorcan’s callsign and he had earned it very early in his career for his flying skills.

Eventually they were both ready and the two jets got taxied away and not long after they were in the air.

“Rules of engagement: anything is allowed and two out of three?”

“Copy that, Iceman.”

“Good, be ready to lose.”

The two jets broke apart and went in different directions and for a while they just ran in circles above the airbase to study each other.

Lorcan hadn’t wanted to admit that he was a bit rusty and Rowan was indeed a nasty customer. 

Gavriel and the three young pilots were walking along one of the long corridors on the airbase when they heard the sound of jets in the air and ran to the next window to look who it was. The classes for the cadets were still grounded and the three of them were on ground.

“Holy fuck,” muttered Gavriel when he realised who was out flying.

He ran out to the viewing tower followed by the twins and Vaughan.

“Is that who I think it is?” Asked Connall speechless.

“Rowan and Lorcan.” The older man turned to the three young guys “you are in for a treat, they can make you feel like a newbie.”

Gavriel saw Rowan pull in a vertical and flying into the sun, roll on his back and continue in  straight line flying just a meter above Lorcan, finally flipped his jet once again and placed himself at Lorcan’s six.

Lorcan tried some evasive manoeuvres but Rowan did not let go, always at his tail attempting to get a lock on his CO.

Lorcan felt trapped and as a last ditch he went into a high G barrel roll to try and shake off Rowan.

“Rowan is going to overshoot,” said Connall who was silently watching the dogfight between their superiors.

Then Rowan pulled a trick out of the hat and kept his jet in line with Lorcan’s then rolled and found himself upside down and fired at the other man.

“Holy fuck,” was Fenrys’ comment at the scene.

“What did just happen? How did he even manage that?” Added Vaughan.

“That is Rowan for you. Now you realise why we can’t ever win?”

“One nil for me, Chaos.”

“You are a sneaky bastard, Whitethorn. And where did you learn such manoeuvres?”

Rowan laughed over the comms “get your act together, Commodore, and you can probably get me.”

The dogfight between the two went on for much longer. Lorcan did manage to win an engagement but Rowan still won 2-1. They landed back and they found Rowan’s team waiting for them.

“Good to see you two flying again. The youngsters never had the chance to see the pros at work.” Said Gavriel relieved that the two men seemed again at ease with each other.

“Oh, yeah. Our dear CO was a bit rusty and I took him out to stretch his legs and I handed out his arse to him twice.”

Lorcan gave him the middle finger in response.

*

Elide was in the ambulance doing some inventory checks when her phone pinged. She opened the text from Lorcan and almost fainted on the spot. It was Lorcan in his jump suit beside his jet and the man actually had a hint of a smile on his face. The second image was of him and Rowan standing back to back, their arms folded at their chest and both had a goofy smile on.

She jumped off the ambulance and ran to Aelin who was in the equipment room checking out their gear “Ace, look!” She shouted as she stormed in.

“What?” And she looked at the two pictures on Elide’s phone.

“Interesting…” Aelin stared with curiosity at the picture of the two men.

“He is soooo hot, I have never seen him in a jump suit and gods I don’t know? Want to remove it one bit at a time?”

Aelin laughed “that’s what I would do to Rowan right now if we were together in a private place. I would peel that jump suit off him until he is naked in front of me.”

She saw Elide blush “Lorcan and I haven’t… passed the kissing stage yet. He has never touched me. He is very considerate of me. But a few times he hugged me and I… felt him.” And she made a gesture and Aelin understood.

“Elide that is normal. How do you feel about the next stage? Like exploring each other’s bodies?”

“As in naked?”

“Yes, but you can start with keeping your underwear to have a barrier on if it makes you feel better.”

Elide sat on the bench beside her “I don’t know how to do this. How do I touch him?”

Aelin could see panic rise in the woman “ask him to show you and then once you feel brave enough to try just give it a go. It can be quite fun.” Aelin stopped for a second trying to find a way to tackle the next issue “Elide, have you ever… you know… explored your body? Down there?”

Elide blushed savagely “no.”

Aelin took the woman’s hand “take a nice warm bath and then…” Aelin wiggled her fingers “just put a hand between your legs and see how it goes, what you feel.”

“Oh.”

“At least once you two take the next step you have an idea of how it feels.”

“And Lorcan does that as well?”

Aelin nodded “yes, and if the man is as good as the others claim he might leave you a satisfied mess just with his fingers or mouth or both. A sort of appetiser before the main course.”

“Do you and Rowan…?”

Aelin nodded “and not just him to me but me to him as well.”

“This sounds so much.”

“Elide, look at me.” Aelin placed her hands on the woman’s shoulder “you do not have to take the next step until you are okay with it. Talk with Lorcan. Explain to him that you are getting curious and want to try more. You can use a safe word so that when you start to become uncomfortable, you shout that word and he has to stop.”

“Oh.”

“He hasn’t rushed you or anything?”

Elide shook her head “no, he has been so understanding, and never pushed.”

“Good. You set the pace. You are the one who needs time so he adjusts to you, remember. But if you feel like you are ready for another step just tell him.”

“Is it… is it as good as everyone says? Is it worth it?”

Aelin nodded “with the right person is something incredible. The intimacy… the connection…”

“Do you have that with your captain?”

“Yeah, and some.”

“Uhhh… are we getting serious?”

Aelin looked away for a moment “I loved Sam. A lot. We were good together but it was never like this. Never this deep.” She threw her head against one of the jackets “I don’t know how to explain it but my feelings for Rowan are so strong that sometimes I feel like I can’t breath.”

“I want that too.”

A moment later the conversation was interrupted by Lysandra entering the room “Here you are, why are you hiding?”

Elide showed Lys Lorcan’s picture.

“Oh mama…”

“Elide is feeling… curious.”

Lysandra hugged the woman “that is wonderful, darling. With such a specimen I’d be curious too.”

“Lys.” Shouted Aelin laughing.

“What? Fine the man can be an arsehole but I can’t deny that in that picture he is one hot bastard.”

“Show her the other.”

Elide showed Lysandra the picture with both Rowan and Lorcan.

“Ok, I really need a cold shower now.”

“I am pretty sure Aedion is available. Just keep it quiet.”

Lysandra laughed “don’t you think I tried? He said it would be against the rules.”

“I am almost done with equipment checks. This room will be free soon.”

“You are a wicked woman.” 

Aelin winked.

“Did you do it in here with the captain?”

“No, but his office is quite comfortable.”

“Nice.” Commented Lysandra.

Lys then took Elide’s hand “come on, we got a couple of things to finish.”

Once the two ladies left she phoned Rowan and he picked up at the first ring.

“I am jealous, Lorcan sent a picture of the two of you to Elide and I don’t get a copy?”

“You liked that?”

“You were both smiling.”

“We talked,” added Rowan “Lorcan was even more pissed than me. I think Elide did the miracle.”

Aelin laughed and relaxed at his admission “how so?

“He chuckled. Lorcan chuckled.”

She heard mirth in his voice.

“And the man is totally in love with Elide. I swear I never heard the man talk like that about a woman.”

“Interesting.”

“Also, apparently he has decided to support my idea of having women in the airforce and submitted a proposal to the higher ups and he is prepared to fight for it.” He told her, knowing she would love the news.

“Ok, I might finally start to like the man. What changed?”

“You and Elide apparently.”

Aelin smiled smugly “so he does listen, I am impressed. I don’t think I can cope with the idea of Lorcan not being the bad guy.”

“His job is very stressful and I don’t think I could be able to cope with the amount of shit he has to deal with.” He sighed “put me in a cockpit surrounded by enemies and I will be fine. But the idea of being stuck behind a desk playing the political game day in day out…. no. I will retire before it happens.” He added sadly.

“So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, captain?”

“I am helping him with a few things. Then do more prep work for our performance review.”

“Do you think you are ready for that?”

She heard a lot of noise in the background and she guessed he was back in the hangar.

“Aye, we are good to go.” He was silent for a moment “I have to go, Fireheart.”

“Sure. Be safe and have a nice drill.”

“I love you. Have a nice night shift.”

“Send me that picture, Whitethorn.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She closed the conversation and relaxed heavily. Rowan sounded so much better and she was smidge less worried. With a big smile she went back to her work.

*

It was past 9pm and Aelin was in her office working away on some paperwork Dorian had sent over. She had a good day. It had felt good being back and she realised that Rowan’s help and their time away had helped very much. She felt saner and being at the station did not cause any problems. She was not ready yet to go back fighting fires, of that she was well aware. That was the last challenge she had to face but she and Aedion had discussed a training regimen that would slowly allow her to find the courage again to go fully back on duty and she felt excited at the idea.

She had been so engrossed in her work she did not hear the knock on the door. When it happened a second time she slowly raised her head “come in.” She said flatly and almost annoyed. 

A head of silver hair appeared on the door and she stopped “am I interrupting?”

“Of course captain. How dare you?”

He smiled and took a step in “I can go if you are working.”

Aelin rolled her eyes “get your arse inside and give me fifteen minutes of silence.”

He nodded and walked to her bookcase, giving her his back. His hand behind his back, his spine ramrod straight and his feet slightly apart in a perfect at ease position. She grinned. You could take the man out of the military but not the military out of the man.

She stopped working and rested her chin on her hands and a pen in her mouth. She studied him from behind and was impressed how still he could stay. A feat that had alway been impossible to her. 

Rowan grabbed one of her manuals and started flipping through it. It was only fair, she had done the same to his flight manuals. 

“A chemistry book?”

She eventually decided to stand and join him at his side.

“I hated chemistry in school. I was good at it but never liked it. I preferred physics.”

Aelin smiled and grabbed another book: fire science “this one might be more interesting.”

He had a look through it and smiled at her “can I take it at home or do you need it here?”

“You can take it home.”

Rowan smiled and placed the book on the sofa then cupped her face “hi, by the way.” And he kissed her.

“About time. I thought you were more interested in my books than me.” She teased him, pulling away briefly.

“You told me to stay silent for fifteen minutes. I was just following orders.”

“Screw that.”Aelin switched off her computer and walked to him, palm upturned, offering him her hand “follow me captain.”

“Do I need to be scared?”

She glared at him.

They walked along the corridor of the fire station and it was so silent and quiet compared to what he had seen during the day “where is everyone?”

“Resting. We got beds, you know? But Brullo and Ress are probably up watching tv as usual.”

They walked through the common area and as Aelin suspected the two guys were watching some  series on tv.

“Hi guys,” she greeted them.

They raised their heads “hi boss,” then noticed Rowan “oh captain, you found her. Good.”

“When I walked in I announced myself. I could not just waltz in.”

“Come on,” she grabbed his hand. Aelin dragged Rowan to the area where they kept the fire engine and the truck. She moved to the engine and opened a door on the side and pulled out two thick blankets then with them under her armpit, she started climbing the ladder at the end of the rig “Come on captain.”

Rowan looked at her puzzled.“Where are you going?”

He saw her rolling her eyes “on top of the rig.”

“If the alarm—”

“Captain, if the alarm goes off we have enough seconds to get our arses back down. They will not drive away with us on top of the rig. Do you trust me?”

He looked at her in a strange way.

Aelin threw the blankets on the top of the engine and climbed back down and marched to him, grabbing his hand “move.”

With force she dragged him to the ladder and prompted him to climb. He did as ordered and once at the top he stopped. Aelin stopped behind him, then in a swift motion she pulled her leg over the engine rail and climbed on its roof.

She took the blankets and placed them on top of all the hoses “it smells a bit of smoke. You’ll get used to it.”

He climbed over and stood for a second admiring the view from on top of the engine. When he turned he saw Aelin laying down on the blankets, her arms extended to him and a goofy smile on her face. He joined her and took a place at her side.

She nested against his chest and his arms looped around her frame.

“I come up here a lot on a night shift. I don’t sleep, I just relax, I love to imagine I am laying on the grass and that if I look up I can see the stars.”

“I do that when I am on an aircraft carrier and I am not on standby. I just walk on the deck along the rail, although is not as quiet as here as there are still flights happening, but it’s less busy. I just lean against the handrail, near the island and look out at the sea and I my case I can see the stars.”

Aelin turned in his arms and faced him “can you navigate by just using the stars?”

“We don’t use it much, GPS is a very handy tool, but it’s a skill we learn in case something fails and you are left with no GPS or any other electronic help.”

“What about you? Had a good day at the station?” He kissed the top of her head.

Aelin nodded eagerly “yes, I admitted I had a problem out loud and both Dorian and Aedion have offered to help in anyway they can.” She looked up at him “and you… you helped so much… and still helping…”

He smiled tenderly “it goes under my job description for boyfriend, I assume?”

She caressed his face loving the sound of him calling himself her boyfriend.

“Say it again,” she whispered to him.

“What?”

“That you are my boyfriend.”

He went for a deep kiss “I am yours.”

Aelin smiled against his lips “those are powerful words, captain.”

“They are true, though.”

Aelin’s heart raced and her hand went to his chest and found his doing exactly the same.

“I love this. Us. I really do…” she stuck her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent “but it still scares me because it happened so fast. One day I wanted to punch you, the next I wanted to kiss you. And it frightens me. I want this to work. I want us to work out.”

His hand covered hers still on his chest “you are not alone. This is a lot for me as well. But I am done fighting my feelings.” He hugged her closer “I love you, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

Aelin kissed his chest “you are so cheesy it’s disgusting.”

Rowan pushed her away and she rolled on her back at his side, her hand still in his “I was trying to be romantic and you ruined the moment.”

She smiled “sorry, I used to do that with Sam all the time. He would say something super romantic and I would respond with a joke. When he proposed I replied that I had to check with my lawyer first.”

“You are a brat.”

“It was so funny. Then I texted him and said that my lawyer had agreed.” Aelin brought their twinned hands to her mouth and kissed them “I showed him later on that night in bed how much I wanted to marry him. He did not complain.”

“You really are a handful.”

“I know, but now you picked me and there is no turning back.” She said against their hands fearing she had gone too far.

“I love a good challenge.” He rolled over and was now half on top of her, his hand on her side caressing her gently.

Aelin grabbed his face in her free hands and kissed him stupid but Rowan pulled back when he remembered where they were. He was still terrified they would drive away with the two of them on top of the engine.

He lay back down and his hand started trailing along her injured arm exposed by the short sleeved shirt. The burns had healed but the skin remained marred. He traced the length of it and leaned over to kiss it.

“Does it bother you?”

“No,” he said softly while continuing to kiss her injured arm and her scars “you are my brave and fierce Fireheart. It scares me that I almost lost you. But you scars…” another gentle kiss “they don’t bother me.”

She snuggled closer and he enveloped her in his arms.

“I forgot.” He propped himself up on one elbow “I have received an invitation.”

“Oh?” Aelin did the same and faced him.

“This weekend the navy is throwing a launch party for the new aircraft carrier, down at the dockyards before she is set at sea for the trials and then off to deployment.” He explained “Me and the guys have been invited and I can bring a guest. Fancy being my plus one?”

“Are we going public, captain?”

“If you want to.”

Aelin thought about it “I could wear the stunning black dress I bought in Doranelle.”

Rowan remembered that dress and the effect it had on him when she wore it in the shop.

“Are you trying to give a heart attack to the whole Terrasen military?”

Aelin giggled “just going to show all those posh boys what an amazing taste in women you have.”

“That I do.” He flicked her nose.

Aelin was about to reply when dispatch alarm went off and she bolted on her feet and pulled Rowan up and grabbed the blankets “come on, captain.”

She climbed down super quickly and by the time he made it down, the blankets were back in the truck and the squad was getting ready to go.

“Showing the captain your special spot?” Joked Aedion.

Aelin nodded and patted his shoulder “keep the guys safe and you stay safe too.”

“Always.” Quickly Aedion ran to the truck and a moment later the squad was gone.

“It’s hard to see them go and not being able to be with them.”

He pulled an arm around her shoulder “come, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

She followed him “that’s exactly how you woo a woman, captain.”

TAGS:

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@swankii-art-teacher​

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@whimsicallyreading​

@tillyrubes10​

[lucyintheskywithxanax]

Light Shall Smite Her

Pairing: Mildred Ratched x Reader

A/N: hello @serawalkerwrites​, this is my humble gift to you as your SP secret gifter 😌😘 I’m so nervous to post this, I hope you’ll like it. If you don’t, in the words of Puck, “This weak and idle theme, / no more yielding but a dream, / gentles do not reprehend. / If you pardon, we will mend.” x

(please bear in mind English isn’t my first language, so my apologies for weird sentences)

Word count:  ≃ 5 600

“I heard the new head nurse is very beautiful.”

Rosie waited expectantly for an answer. You hummed.

“I said,” Rosie repeated, in a louder, slightly annoyed voice, for she was excited and couldn’t bear your ignoring her right now, “I heard she’s very beautiful.”

You gave her a sideways glance by way of an acknowledgment, not bothering to stop your quick scribbling.

Rosie rested her elbows on the table and leaned towards you. “Don’t you care?”

“I’m writing,” you mumbled.

“Aren’t you interested, though?”

“Listen, Rose,” you started, setting your pen down and finally meeting your co-worker’s eyes, ”my break is over in five minutes, and I want – no, I need – to finish this, so would you be so kind as to postpone this conversation until later?”

Rosie straightened up with an irritated click of her tongue. “Fine,” she hissed. “I was just trying to be nice. Knowing you’re single, and all.” She turned, made to leave, but suddenly stopped to mock over her shoulder, “And by ‘and all’, I’m referring to the pathetic rant I had to suffer through last night about how ‘lonely’ you feel and how ‘unfair’ the universe is. I’m just trying to help.”

“Thank you, Emma Woodhouse,” you called after her as she angrily stomped out of the room.

With a sigh you resumed your writing. You hadn’t meant to be so harsh with Rosie, but you really needed to get rid of your thoughts and ideas by writing them down before your break was over. If you didn’t, the words would howl reproachfully in your head for the rest of the day, make a racket and fog your brain till you were finally able to spit them out on paper.

Just a few minutes more, you begged the clock on the wall. Your wrist was aching. Two more lines, and then you finally sat back in your chair with a huff like a warrior who has won their hardest battle.

You glanced up at the clock. Break over.

The clinic was unusually quiet today. A few patients looked up at you as you passed them on your way down the corridor. You offered them smiles, blinked at the sun when you glanced outside.

The lobby was deserted. You worked at the front desk, and were in charge of most administrative tasks – a rather boring job, but it paid well and left you enough time to write.

You were sorting out schedules when Rosie crossed the lobby, pushing an old man in a wheelchair. She shot you a moody look and mouthed something you didn’t understand. Five minutes later she was back; and, planting her elbows on the front desk, mouth tight and eyes studying your face, she started, “So, as I was saying, the new –” but before she had time to finish there was the sound of a door opening, heels, a voice speaking quickly, and then two people walked briskly into the lobby.

And one of them was a male nurse you knew called James, a boring, conceited person you couldn’t care about; and the other – but someone had drugged your coffee. There was no other explanation.

James came to a halt before your desk. With a contemptuous look to Rosie, he pushed her to the side, and ignoring her angry hiss announced proudly, “Y/N, this is Mildred Ratched, our new head nurse.”

You stared at her. The world around you vanished. It was as if someone had shone a spotlight on her, the rest of the room going dark as the audience held their breath. You were suddenly too hot, the air in your lungs was burning gas and it hurt – but Mildred’s face stayed perfectly composed.  

She gave you a polite smile and extended one hand to you as if nothing terrible was happening, as if you and her were meeting for the very first time and the only thought crossing your mind, as it had two years ago, simply was, What a beautiful woman.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Mildred said, red lips curling up into a smile.

You knew that smile. It was the smile that reached her eyes but was fake and cold and meant to signify, I know what I’m doing. I’ve got this. There’s nothing you can do but submit.

You shook her hand. Mildred saw the way your arm trembled when you drew it back and pressed it against your chest.

“I’m giving Miss Ratched a tour of the clinic,” James was saying, with a note of pride in his voice. “She’s been very impressed by our equipments.”

“Yes,” Mildred answered, gaze boring into you. “The place where I used to work certainly didn’t enjoy such modern facilities.”

Your brain took over. It really was the only way you could survive this moment. You swallowed and locked up your heart and let coolness and calm seep through you.

“The place where you used to work?” you asked. You congratulated yourself on how neutral your voice sounded.

Mildred’s brow pushed up slightly, for she knew exactly what you were doing. She knew you. And despite your best efforts, you felt heat creep up your cheeks, heat creep up your ears, heat everywhere it was too damn hot.

But you would be damned, you told yourself, you would be damned before you averted your gaze from hers.

“Oh, it was a small place,” Mildred answered – and was her smile turning a little cruel? “You wouldn’t know it,” she added, and just like that, with her smile lingering on her lips, she turned from you and gestured for James to lead the way.

You stared at her back as she walked off, gait as decisive as you remembered it to be, but with that nervousness to it, as if she were constantly running from something. Do you only know where you’re headed?, you had asked her once – and she had gazed at you thoughtfully as she’d blown out cigarette smoke, and hadn’t answered.

“What was that all about?”

A door slammed shut, making you jump. Only know did you realize that your fists were tightly clenched, and your lungs were burning from lack of oxygen. You forced yourself to take a deep breath.

“What was that all about?” Rosie asked.

You glanced at her. “Don’t you have something to do?” you snapped.

**

Mildred and you. The story was a simple one.

She had been a nurse at the local state hospital, you had been a professional writer; you had met at a coffee shop, where you would both spend your Saturday afternoons. You had talked. You had laughed.

The sparkles in her eyes when she would talk about things she loved, things that made her happy, had caught your attention. So had her smiles, and her laughs, and every little thing she had said and pointed out.

You had ached. And then one day you had been bold enough, and leaned in to kiss her. And she, with a half-disgusted, half-shocked laugh, had pressed one hand to your chest to push you away – and in a voice that was only slightly shaking, had demanded what the hell you thought you were doing.

Turned out she had been hunting. For a young, happy woman, who would “fill the needs” of her brother, just recently got out of prison. You had gawped at her as she had explained the whole scheme to you, talking for all the world as if she were having a perfectly casual, perfectly normal conversation –

And then –

The anger and the disgust and the pain and the betrayal. You had stormed out of the coffee shop with the need to scream and to destroy something. To make someone bleed. To make someone pay for what you were feeling.

And the hatred – how you hated her. And yet, there had been signs, you had seen them – how she would bite her lower lip sometimes when she listened to you talk, how she would glance up at you, eyes a little darker and a little stormier and a little shy, how when she would reach out to cup your face in her hands, to comfort, to reassure, her touch would linger and her fingers would hold as if you were made of the most precious star matter in the universe – you couldn’t have been wrong. She had wanted you. You knew it. But she had been on a mission, and nothing could distract that kind of a woman from her goal.

To know you had been used, to know you had been seen as nothing more than a piece of meat to be fed to a hungry animal, made you feel dirty and disgusted with yourself. You couldn’t get rid of the feeling. So, with a desperate need to get rid of yourself, of the way you had been seen, you moved and got a new, different job – tried not to think of the reasons why you applied to a clinic of all places. You made yourself new, in a way.

And now – now your old self slammed back into you with a vengeance. It wouldn’t have been a problem, not really, had it come alone; but it was accompanied. It stood hand in hand with hope. And hope – hope was the worst.

The rest of the day passed quickly. You focused on your work, let your brain hold the wheel and did your best to ignore the thing, the thing that was warm and insistent and that you could feel growing in your chest, from making too much noise. It was adamant it would make itself known, though, and you were well aware it would only take a spark to set the fire roaring – and sure enough, at 5:30pm, as you were gathering your things and about to leave, the warmth started to burn – for Mildred, in her nurse uniform, walked up decidedly to your desk and, lips curled up, said, “Doesn’t your shift end at six?”

You clenched your teeth as you slowly looked up at her. “You’re not the boss of me,” you retorted, low and mean.

Mildred’s mouth twitched. “I would not be so sure of that.”

“I arrive earlier in the morning so I can leave earlier in the afternoon,” you snapped, louder this time.

She hadn’t changed a bit. She still looked exactly the same. You stared at her impeccable hairdo, at her collar, trying not to pay too much attention to the pale column of her neck; up, past her lips – a shudder, at the reminder of how they had felt against yours – to meet her eyes again, and catch a glint of amusement in them.

You cleared your throat, pretended the heat that flooded your face was fueled by anger, not embarrassment.

“So how’s your brother?” you taunted.

Mildred blinked. Her smile faded. She glanced over her shoulder, then leaned towards you and said, “Can we talk somewhere private?”

“Why?”

“I have things to say to you.”

“Things to say to me?” You snorted. Crossed your arms against your chest. “I don’t care what you have to say. I’m going home. Move.”

She didn’t move. She stood resolutely planted in front of your desk, eyes boring into yours, so you picked up your bag and walked around her, bumping her shoulder to make a point.

She flinched, as she always did when you would touch her without warning. You felt her gaze burning the nape of your neck as you hurried off. It was all you could do not to run when you reached the door.  

**

“This woman isn’t trustworthy,” you told your boss the next morning.

He barely looked up from his paperwork. “Which woman?”

“Miss Ratched.” You pretended you felt nothing, pretended it was not like music, when you uttered her name. “You made a mistake hiring her.”

“Did I?”

“She doesn’t have the credentials for the post of head nurse.”

A glance at you, annoyed and distracted.

“Her credentials are excellent.”

“They’re fake,” you insisted, shaking your head. “Everything about this woman is fake. Believe me, you cannot trust –“

“Miss Y/L/N,” he interrupted with a sigh, “if you do not have proof for these allegations then you’re only making me lose my time.”

You sat at the front desk in a bad mood. Patients glared at you when you answered their questions too shortly, and you glared right back at them until they lowered their gaze. Every time you heard footsteps, every time you heard a voice, your heart would speed up and your head buzz and you would look up, half in fear, half in (but that was hard to admit and, at first, you denied it) hope, expecting to see Mildred. You didn’t, though. The hours passed by and the nervousness in you increased, but Mildred never once crossed the lobby. She wasn’t in the break room at lunch; a nurse told you she had gone out to a restaurant with a friend.

At 5:30pm you left in an even worse mood. You told yourself it was because you hadn’t had the opportunity to be mean to Mildred, to take out on her some of your resentment and anger. There was no other possible reason, and if there was, it certainly was not that you were disappointed you hadn’t had the opportunity to at least steal a glance at her.  

At home that evening you tried to write, but the words had disappeared from your brain. You sat at your desk, eyes glazed, fingers unmoving. There was something in your chest that was made of emptiness and yet weighted heavy near your heart.

As you lay in bed you tried to summon bright images in the dark, the brightest you could create, red sunsets and turquoise oceans, anything to outshine the image of Mildred. You tossed and groaned and got too hot. In the corner of your room it seemed to you something was crouching, and looking up at you, and hoping.

In the morning you opened your window and stuck your head outside. The air still carried the chill of winter and made you shiver. But your blood was boiling. It was boiling still when you got into your car, boiling when you settled at the front desk and turned on your computer.

You decided it was boiling out of anger.

And yet – did anger make one’s heart beat so very fast at the mere sound of heels on tiles?

You told yourself it did.

It wasn’t until your lunch break that you saw Mildred. As usual, you gulped down your lunch to have time to write; and you were just starting when the door opened, and without so much as an introduction Mildred walked in and stopped right in front of you.

You looked up from your work.

“What do you want?” you growled.

Mildred gave you a pacifying smile.

“Good afternoon,” she started, lacing her fingers together in front of her. “As I said the other day, I merely want to talk.”

You snorted, and pretended to focus on your writing. But just as last night, words fled from your brain. Mildred’s presence was taking all the room inside your head, filling it with her scent and her colours, her voice, the shapes of her body. Your heart was beating too fast, your pen was frozen on the piece of paper, and out of the corner of your eye the blue from Mildred’s uniform was too bright, it was too flashy, it drew all of your attention.

After a few, long seconds of tense silence, you dropped your pen on the table and almost barked, “Fine, go ahead, talk.” You met Mildred’s eyes and tried to scowl, tried to convey to her the vehemence of your anger. “Say what you have to say and then get out and don’t talk to me ever again.”

“You’re quite overreacting, wouldn’t you say?”

“You’ve got some nerves, wouldn’t you say?”

More silence, as you both stared at each other. Mildred’s gaze wasn’t cruel or angry, you noticed; if anything, she looked nervous.

“Since you want us so badly to speak,” you said before she had time to, “answer this question: what would have happened, if I hadn’t tried to kiss you?” You waited, but since she didn’t answer, merely kept on looking at you with one hand sliding up her other arm to hug herself, you went on, “What would have happened, uh? You would’ve dropped a sleeping pill in my drink, kidnapped me, locked me up somewhere for your brother to do to me whatever he wanted?”

Mildred let out a short, offended laugh. “Don’t be so crude.”

There was yet another pause, during which she looked at you, nervously, and you looked at her, angrily; and then, entirely of its own, your gaze flicked to her mouth, and she noticed it, and her eyes widened a little.

You looked away and cleared your throat, praying – praying! – that the heat you could feel everywhere didn’t show in your face.

“I would merely have introduced you to Edmund,” Mildred answered eventually.

You met her eyes again. “I don’t believe you,” you growled. A pause. “Why did you wait so long?”

“I needed to make sure you were the right one for him.”

“And how many women,” you went on, slowly standing up and slamming your fist on the table,” did you try out before me?”

Mildred’s eyes darted to your hand as it hit the table. She jumped slightly, fear widening her eyes, and for a moment regret washed part of your anger away. You took a step towards her with the intention to reassure, no longer to fight.

You caught yourself, though. You stopped, and folded your arms on your chest.

“Answer me,” you growled.

“You were the first,” Mildred said, voice a bit tight. She hesitated, stroked her arm with her thumb. “I had no idea you were the kind of woman who doesn’t like the company of men.”

You laughed mirthlessly. “And you think that excuses everything?”

“It must have made it more unpleasant.”

“Any woman would know how fucked up it was,” you growled. “Except you, clearly.”

Silence settled between you two. Mildred’s thumb was still stroking her arm nervously, and you found yourself staring at it, as if drawn by the repetitive movement.

“I apologize for what I did,” Mildred said after a few moments.

Your eyes flicked back to her face. “Do you really? Do you really mean it? Or is it another lie, meant to coax me?”

“I do mean it,” Mildred replied.

“Then prove it.”

Something like annoyance flicked across Mildred’s features; but then, as quickly as it had come, it faded, and the nervousness settled back.

“How?” she asked.

You took another step towards her, meaning to invade her space, just a little, just to show her you had the upper hand. An idea flashed in your brain, but you couldn’t quite see its contours through the mist of boiling anger, so when you voiced it, it was without fully knowing what the words would be.

“Let me make sure you’re the right one for me.”

You paused. You decided you rather liked these words.

Mildred’s mouth opened, closed again. She titled her head, eyes narrowing.

You took another step forward.

“Let me,” you breathed, extending one hand to brush invisible dust from her sleeve, “try you out and decide whether I want you for myself.”

Mildred held your gaze with a stubborn, challenging – amused? – kind of fierceness, and you noticed how she had started breathing through her mouth, how her cheeks were coloring, not with embarrassment, but with excitement it seemed; like a champion in the starting blocks, adrenaline racing through her veins.

Something was drumming in your ears. Certainly it was your heart, but maybe it was something else - and this time you couldn’t fool yourself into thinking it was anger. Anger never drummed, anger thundered. Desire – longing – had its own particular kind of music.

You wondered, vaguely, if Mildred could hear it too.

She blinked. The fierceness in her gaze faded. She looked away, the black in her eyes turning sad and shy, then looked up again, hopeful this time, and you couldn’t help but marvel at the mirror that was her gaze, always reflecting, always revealing.

“Alright,” she said.

Your lips twitched into a smirk.

And then, just when you thought you had won, she smiled that victorious smile of hers that reached her eyes but was always cold, except this time it was warm, and there was mischief shining under it like a child up to no good.

“You have 24 hours, not a minute more,” she said, playful, almost singing. “Make the best of them.”

And then, and then - she lifted one hand, brushed the back of her fingers down your cheek, to mock your previous touch and remind you who was in control. Her cold skin made you shiver and instantly ache for more; and you would have leaned in and crashed your mouth against hers had you not regained control of yourself at the last second.

She left you with a glance over her shoulder as if to dare you to follow her. She left you standing burning and aching, trying to process what had happened.

You collapsed on your chair, because this all meant, dear you this all meant – that you had been right? That she was interested in you?

You raised a hand to your chest as if that could help slow down your heart. You did not know what you should be feeling. There were too many emotions, and which one was supposed to be right? You needed someone, a guide, to point out and say, This. This is the proper emotion to feel.

You spent the rest of the day in a state of overwhelming nervousness. Every minute you expected Mildred to appear with a cup of coffee or a bouquet of flowers for you. Nothing happened. The afternoon went by as usual. Rosie stopped at your desk for a chat. An old man threw up in the lobby and the cleaning lady cursed.

When the clock reached 4pm, you almost got up and stormed into Mildred’s office to demand what she was doing. Why the hell wasn’t she trying to win your heart? Why wasn’t she being excessively nice, voice dripping with honey, wide eyes begging?

You couldn’t believe the nerves of this woman, and you were fuming, until you saw her crossing the lobby with a young nurse in tow, and she glanced your way, and smiled. And her eyes weren’t wide, they weren’t begging, but they were nice, and they reflected the genuine good intention of her smile.

This is when you realized. There would be no excessive attentions or sweet little lies to flatter. She was aiming for the exact opposite of what you had run away from. Honesty. Being herself.

A little while later she walked up to your desk with a bunch of reproaches because you had messed up with a few patients’ schedules. Her tone was firm, her gaze hard. Brief apologies dropped from your mouth before you had time to think them. You eyed her curiously as she walked away, and kept on gazing at her long after she had disappeared. Then you cleared your throat, and willed yourself to focus on your work again.

When you saw her again, you were making ready to leave. She had changed into a long, forest green pleated skirt and a creamy white blouse with cuffed sleeves. You eyed her up and down as she came close to you, which made a small smug smile tug at the corner of her lips. You prayed all the gods the heat in your cheeks didn’t paint itself pink, and pretended you were busy with your handbag.

“Dinner?” Mildred asked simply. “I know a place.”

The place in question was a small, cozy and fashionable restaurant with a menu of fancy dishes that made your eyes widen. Mildred asked for a table on the terrace, in the setting sun; the waiter pulled out a chair for her with a respectful bow of his head, and for you with merely a nod.

You said something about the sunset, about how glad you were the weather was getting warmer, how dearly you loved the spring; you pointed out flowers. Mildred lit up a cigarette and listened to you speak, her gaze kind and attentive, and it struck you how easily you two were falling back into your old routine. How peaceful it was, how natural it felt to just sit there with her as the sun yawned and stretched, as cigarette smoke and laughter curled lazily up towards the sky.

Mildred folded her napkin and set it neatly on her lap. You glanced at her as you pretended to muse over the menu; and when Mildred’s gaze met yours, an awkward laugh burst out of your mouth and danced in Mildred’s eyes.

“I honestly do not know…” you started.

“Try this,” she smiled, tapping a finger on the menu.

“I do not trust anything with asparaguses in it.”

“Trust me, then,” Mildred retorted with a laugh.

The laugh died prematurely as your face hardened. Mildred swallowed, glanced down at the menu, looked up again to meet your eyes.

“I’ll have it myself,” she said in a slightly subdued voice. “So you’ll know what you’re missing out.”

You hummed, and took a sip of your drink to swallow the lump in your throat.

Dinner passed in easy, casual conversation. Sometimes, after you had said some random thing, Mildred would smile a shy, fond smile at an object on the table or at something around her, like sharing a secret with herself. You didn’t notice the waiter when he came back. Mildred let you steal a forkful of her meal, and laughed victoriously when your eyes widened at the rich taste that filled your mouth.

For dessert you both ordered rose and lemon Turkish delights, and fell in a comfortable silence. You watched Mildred and she watched you. At one point she ran the tip of her tongue over her lower lip to lick off powdered sugar. You felt yourself blush. Mildred noticed, smiled a little smugly; when your eyes met again, hers flicked down to her glass, and her smile turned shy.

“You never answered my question,” you said.

“Which question?” Mildred smiled at her glass.  

“How is your brother doing?”

There was cruelty in your words, but you thought you were entitled to some of it. The sun had set by now, the moon and the stars were not out yet: there was no witness.

Mildred’s smile faded. She looked up at you, a little reproachfully.

“He’s doing fine,” she said after a short while, in the voice she used at work with the other nurses. “Better than I thought he would. He found a job taking care of animals at the local shelter. It makes him happy.” A pause. A soft, dreamy smile to the tree on your left. “The animals help ease his mind. They give him purpose. He says he likes caring for innocent souls, that they would never hurt anybody, not because they can help themselves, but because the very idea would never even cross their minds.”

“That’s nice, but I was referring to his love life.”

She searched your eyes. “Nothing much to say about that.”

“So you didn’t find him the perfect spouse?” you asked with a mirthless laugh. “What happened? Set the bar too high?”

A gust of wind tangled in your hair, like a reproach from the universe, but you chose to ignore it. You brushed the strands of hair from your face and scowled at Mildred, awaiting – demanding – an answer.

Someone turned on the overhead lights, which threw a sudden bright, yellow glare on Mildred’s face and chased all the shadows.

“I stopped searching after you,” Mildred replied.

You snorted. There was a need to be cruel that was growing inside you and that was too loud, too outraged to be ignored. It was a military leader, and it had at its command an army led by Resentment, Pain, Anger and Revenge.

“What happened?” you mocked. “Got tired so quickly? Got so disappointed in me you thought it wouldn’t be worth your time?”

Mildred refused to take the bait. She stayed completely calm, face impassible and gaze bold, but soft. Her behavior made Anger give a low war cry and charge.

“The truth is,” Mildred said, and she leaned over the table towards you, and smiled and with her smile was swept away the impassiveness on her face to let a loving intensity shine, “just before you left I had made up my mind to keep you for myself.”

You clenched your fist. “Then why the fuck,” you hissed, “did you push me away?”

“I didn’t! All I did was inform you what my plans had been, for the sake of honesty –”

“For the sake of honesty?” you repeated. “Are you kidding me?”

“But then you ran away,” Mildred finished. Had there been the slightest note of reproach in her voice, you would’ve jumped to your feet and broken something.

“As if you cared,” you growled.

“I tried looking for you,” Mildred said.

She paused. There was a nervous twitch to her mouth that, in the absence of shadows, you saw.

“I don’t believe you,” you growled.

“But you disappeared. You moved, didn’t you? You changed your job, you disappeared so completely and I –”

“Bullshit.”

“– and I tried to find you, but there was my job, and there was Edmund, and I couldn’t give up on him when he –“

“So you gave up on me instead.”

Mildred cut herself short. Silence hung heavy as she struggled, weighed up ugly truth against beautiful lies, until she said in a breath, “Yes.”

A sense of victory washed over you, but it felt sick, unsatisfying, and you wondered whether defeat wouldn’t have been better.

For a long moment none of you spoke. Then you realized in your anger you had leaned towards her, too, and your faces were only a few inches apart.

Mildred’s eyes flicked to your lips. You stopped breathing. You were so mad, you swore if she tried to kiss you right now you would flip the table, rip off the lights, break your chair. She had no right to ask to come back in your life, not after what she had done, and you were so mad, and definitely not leaning in and your lips were not parting as if to taste the air she exhaled –

Mildred raised her hands to cup your face. Her touch was like thunder, except you were not a tree but the sky; you had not been hit and burnt, but sublimated and illuminated.

You flinched, and sat back in your chair.

“So?” you asked, folding your arms on your chest. You couldn’t quite meet Mildred’s eyes. Your face was burning.

Mildred raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“So what happens now? What’s your plan now that you’ve found me?”

Mildred smiled. “That,” she answered, “is entirely up to you.”

Was this a blatant lie? You stared at her, forcing yourself to silence the fresh burst of anger her words triggered in you. For if there was one thing you were quite sure of, it was that Mildred Ratched never relented. When she sank her fangs into a prey, she never let go. She would forever be just a few inches behind you, the shadow gliding on your walls day and night, the fingers brushing your shoulders and making you jump.

“So tell me,” Mildred asked after a short while, “do you like what you see?”

You almost said no. Just to tempt her, just because you could and being cruel was so easy and felt so good. You almost said you would disappear again and change your name so she could never find you. Because deep down you knew that if you really, really tried, you would forget her. Only be reminded of her face once in a while in the middle of a crowd or in a poem.

But did you want that?

You pursed your lips to hold back the word “no”. Mildred would have looked confident enough had it not been for the flicker of nervousness in her eyes. They were so dark, her eyes, they sometimes reminded you of a big cat, crouching in tall grass, silent, body taut, ready to jump on its prey.

She had jumped. And you had run away. But now she was jumping again, and this time, you had seen her coming. And you let her claws sink into your flesh.

You shifted on your seat with a low noise of anger at yourself, glanced up at her and blurted out moodily, “Yes.”

Victory shone in Mildred’s eyes. A smile danced across her lips. She leaned towards you, hands coming up to rest on the table with her nails digging into the wood, her gaze so intense, so wild, and when her lips parted to say something you slipped one hand around her right wrist, pushed back your chair so you could lean across the table, and kissed her.

It was a quick, angry kiss, pulling away before it really had time to start. Mildred blinked in surprise. You scowled at her, your mouth a tight, angry line. Your hand clutched her wrist to prevent her from moving.

“Yes,” you repeated.

A smile. Soft, nervous, hopeful.

“Am I forgiven?” she asked.

“No,” you growled, eyes riveted to her lips. “You’ll have to make it up to me, times and times again.”

Mildred’s lips curled up.

“Oh,” she breathed, “I can live with that.”

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 139

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,600ish

Summary: They get answers about the seizures and get to go home.

“So these seizures aren’t going to go away?” Steve asked.

The doctor had found Steve and Tony in with Morgan. Tony was silently rocking Morgan, listening intently to the conversation.

“They most likely will,” the doctor answered, “with time. There will always be a chance that she could have only, but they should never be as bad as that one today. For a while, she’ll be on medication that will help prevent seizures, though she can still be triggered.”

“Is it safe for her to hold Morgan?” Steve questioned, shooting a concerned look Tony’s way.

“Completely. For a while, someone will have to be with her. Until we see that the seizures are less frequent… Tony, this is still better than many other scenarios.”

“He’s right, it could have been worse.” Tony stayed silent, causing Steve to sigh. “How’s Y/N right now?”

“Asleep. She’ll be that way for a few hours. I’ll keep you guys updated.” The doctor left and Steve moved to lean against the wall opposite Tony, arms folding across his chest.

“At least she got to hold her, Tony.”

The man scoffed. “She almost dropped her,” Tony mumbled, eyes focused on the baby in his arms. 

“She didn’t mean to, you know that.”

“The doctor didn’t even talk about the long-term effects of seizures… more brain damage and the medications, they’re the worst part… I don’t want this for Y/N, or for Morgan.”

“You’ll have help Tony. We will help you—I… I will help you…”

Tony sighed. “Y/N would want that… but I’m no where close to forgiving you, for many different reasons.”

“I get it, neither am I.”

~~~

Y/N could feel how stiff her body was as she began to wake. Stretching out, she could hear someone stand from a chair and come closer. She opened her eyes and saw Tony hovering over her, worried.

“I… I had a seizure, didn’t I?” She quietly asked.

Tony nodded. “Yes.”

“Is—Is Morgan okay?”

“Steve grabbed her before anything could happen.” 

Y/N sucked in her lips and nodded, trying to keep her emotions at bay. “I—“ Her voice broke. “I understand if this is all too much and you want to take Morgan and leave.”

“What? How could you even think that?”

“Because I could be holding her and have a seizure. I could hurt her! And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did…”

“And I can’t live with out you… we’re going to get through this. Just like we get through everything else. I love you.” He gave her a soft kiss.

“I love you too… let’s get married.”

Tony chuckled. “We are.”

“No. Now. Or as soon as I get out of the hospital. I don’t want to waste another second.”

“Okay. I’ll have Happy and Pepper prep everything. Oh! We could even do it at the island, fly there and—“

“No. I want it at our home. Officially begin our life together where we will make it.”

He smiled down at Y/N. “I think that’s a great idea.”

~~~

The two weeks flew by faster than anyone thought they would, but they weren’t complaining. Y/N had two more seizures, though they weren’t as bad. Tony and the others were taught out to help her through the seizures. Y/N was able to bond with Morgan, which made Tony’s heart burst every time. Pepper and Happy had willingly planned out the wedding to happy 3 days after Y/N would be discharged. There was only on problem everyone forgot about, Y/N had been in a car accident.

“I…I-I… I don’t know…” She was nervously stuttering, trying to hold down the panic. “I c-can’t… the—the c-car…”

“Shit,” Tony muttered. He had just wheeled a wheelchair in to take Y/N down to the car. He hurried to her side. “I know that it’s scary, honey, but I’ll be right beside you the whole time. And Steve and Morgan will be in the car as well.”

“I-I… I don’t want h-her or me-e anywhere ne-near a car…”

“We need to get home though, honey. Once we’re there, you never have to get in a car again.”

“Are you guys— what’s going on here?” Steve asked, coming in with Morgan already bundled up in her car seat.

“G-get her out of there,” Y/N demanded. “Get her out of there!”

“Y/N—“

“Fine! I’ll do it.” Y/N threw off her blankets, trying to fight Tony to get to Morgan.

“No, no, no. I’ll bring her to you.” Steve quickly got Morgan out of her carseat and put her in Y/N’s arms.

“Honey,” Tony tried again, “we have to go home.”

“I-I know,” Y/N replied quietly. “I’m just terrified.”

“And you have every right to be. So, instead of sitting in the passenger seat next to me, how about you sit back with Morgan? Will that work?” Looking down as Morgan gripped her finger, Y/N nodded. “Okay.” Tony pressed a kiss to Y/N’s forehead. “You can hold her until we get to the car.”

Tony and Steve worked together to help Y/N up and into the wheelchair. Steve grabbed Morgan’s things as Tony wheeled Y/N out. Y/N kept her focus on the child in her arms, trying to remain calm. She hated how soon they were to the car.

“It’s time to put Morgan back in her carseat, honey,” Tony said. He stopped the wheelchair and came around to kneel in front of Y/N. “Can you give her to Steve and I’ll help you get her in the car?”

Y/N shook her head.

Steve quickly knelt beside Tony. “I’ll quickly put her in, Y/N/N, and then you can go back to watching her,” Steve said. He slowly reached his hands out for Morgan. “I promise it will be quick. I’ve been practicing.”

“He has. He’s the fastest at diaper changing too.”

“Can I take her from you Y/N?”

Y/N bit her lip, closed her eyes and nodded. Steve carefully, yet quickly took Morgan from Y/N’s arms. Tony picked Y/N up and slid her into the car. As he retracted his arms, Y/N’s breath hitched. Tony kissed her temple.

“You’re so brave, sweetheart,” he whispered. “So very brave.” As he pulled away again, she quickly grabbed his hand. “I’ve got to drive.”

“I can drive,” Steve quickly offered. “FRIDAY knows the route home and can show me. Just stay back there with Y/N.”

Tony nodded and slid him and Y/N further into the car. He reached over and tripled checked Morgan’s car seat before buckling in Y/N and checking hers over as well. After hearing Tony’s buckle and with her eyes still shut, Y/N curled into his side. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her there. 

Steve checked the rearview mirror before beginning the drive home. He met Tony’s gaze. Tony will never admit it, but that day he was extremely grateful for Steve. He mouthed a small thank you, before closing his eyes and resting his head against Y/N. Steve smiled softly before pulling away from the hospital.

~~~

Pepper, Natasha, Rhodey, and Happy had cleaned the house and put together the nursery. They were waiting on the porch when Steve pulled up. Steve parked the car and checked the back seat. Both Morgan and Y/N were sound asleep. 

“I’ve got Y/N,” Tony whispered. “Can you get Morgan?”

Steve nodded. The men opened their doors and Tony slid out with Y/N in his arms. He was thankful that she was still asleep and that her panic didn’t get any worse than what it was.

“Is she okay?” Pepper worried as Tony carried Y/N up the steps.

“She panicked a bit about her and Morgan getting into the car,” Tony explained. “But I sat back with her.”

“How’d Mo do?” Natasha asked.

“I think she could tell that she needed to sleep when her ma was sleeping,” Steve replied as he came up.

“I’m going to go tuck Y/N in and then we can eat and watch Morgan,” Tony said, going into the house. 

He carefully carried Y/N up the stairs to their bedroom. Laying her down on the bed, Tony pulled the blankets out from under her and set them on top of her. He ran the knuckle of his hand down her cheek as he studied her sleeping form. He knew that parenthood wasn’t going to be easy, he just had hoped that they were going to have an easier start than this. 

Tony sat on the edge of the bed, watching Y/N sleep until he heard Morgan cry from downstairs. He placed a kiss to her forehead before closing the bedroom door and going downstairs. As he finished the last few steps, he saw Happy quickly pass Morgan to Steve.

“She hates me,” Happy grumbled, pouting like a child.

Steve was gently rocking Morgan in his large arms, back and forth. 

“Seems like she’s found a favorite uncle,” Rhodey commented. 

“Don’t worry, Happy will end up being the favorite,” Tony said, walking into the room. “She’ll have him so tightly wrapped around her finger. He’ll do whatever she wants.” He walked up to Steve. “Can I have my daughter?” Steve nodded and slipped Morgan into Tony’s arms. “Thank you, all of you,” Tony met Steve’s gaze momentarily, “for being so willing to help us.”

“Of course,” Natasha responded. “This is our family.”

~~~

Y/N was instructed to take it easy as the days led up to the wedding. She basically had no say in anything. Thankfully, Pepper and Natasha had used Y/N’s Pinterest boards as inspiration. Steve, Rhodey, and Happy were in charge of set-up, under the women’s watchful eye of course. Tony was busy taking care of Morgan and Y/N to do anything with planning the wedding, but he trusted the women to make sure it was beautiful.

It was the night before the wedding and Tony had been successfully knocked out due to pure exhaustion. Y/N was sleeping off and on, a tiny bit both nervous and excited for the next day, when she heard Morgan began to fuss. Looking over at Tony, she knew she cold’t wake him. Slowly, Y/N pushed herself out of bed and made her way to Morgan’s bassinet across the room. Taking the baby into her arms, she bounced her slightly while quietly shushing her. Morgan continued to get louder so Y/N took her into the nursery and sat down in the rocker.

“What’s all the fuss, baby girl?” Y/N whispered. “Are you nervous too? Cause I am… this all… well, this is never how I imagined my wedding to go. But that’s okay, I guess things happen the way they’re suppose to.”

Tony had woken up after trying to pull Y/N into his arms. He tried not to be too alarmed, especially when he realized Morgan was gone too. He snuck out of the bedroom, to see a lamplight coming from underneath the nursery’s door. The door was cracked open slightly. Tony could see the chair rocking back and forth, Morgan in Y/N’s arms. He stayed outside as he heard Y/N speaking softly.

“I want to apologize to you, Mo. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you, or be there for you when you entered into this world… It seems that I’m very good at that. I’ve failed both my kids in that way… you have a brother, Anthony James. He’s… he’s gone now and one day I’ll explain everything, but I saw him. He was probably about 5 years old. And he was the perfect mix of your father and I. I know he’s watching over you, just like he watches over your daddy.”

Tony had no idea that Y/N had seen AJ again, and he was confused as to when. Her powers disappeared once the Stones were destroyed. He shook his head slightly, trying to focus on what Y/N was saying.

“I promise that I’ll do better for you and your father… you both deserve more than I could ever offer.” Y/N looked down at her now asleep daughter and smiled softly. “I love you, Morgan Howard Stark.” She pressed a small kiss to the baby’s head. “And I love Anthony Edward Stark, your snoop of a father.”

With a slight huff, Tony pushed the door open. “How’d you know?”

“I’m a highly trained spy, remember? I knew you were there from the get go… so you heard everything?”

“I did.” Tony nodded. He leaned against the door frame, arms folded across his chest. “When did you see AJ?”

Y/N sighed. “I was trying to destroy the Soul Stone and it was trying to stop me. I saw Phil and AJ.”

“Phil?”

“He’s dead. He’s gone… but he promised to take care of AJ.”

“And AJ…?”

“Had grown. And was watching out for you. He saw Thanos hurt you and leave Titan. He warned me that you needed help. So I pushed harder… I did destroy the Soul Stone… it just wasn’t enough… At least I saw AJ and Coulson, one last time…”

“I’m sure they’re taking care of each other.” Tony pushed off the door frame and came towards his two girls. “Just like we’re taking care of each other.” He sat on the arm rest and kissed Y/N’s head. “We’re getting married in the morning.”

“We’re getting married in the morning,” Y/N repeated softly, looking up at Tony. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~~~

“You look gorgeous, Y/N,” Natasha said, looking at her friend in the mirror. “Tony’s going to freak.”

“Knowing Tony he might take you right then and there,” Pepper chuckled, bouncing Morgan in her arms slightly.

“Better not,” Y/N responded with a laugh. “Steve’s going to be there and my daughter.” Y/N studied herself in the mirror, letting out a long breath. She was all done up and ready to walk down the aisle. “I can’t believe this… I’m actually getting married.” Nat gave her shoulder a slight squeeze. “There was honestly a point that I never thought this day would come.”

“You deserve it, Y/N/N,” Natasha said softly. “More than anyone.”

A gentle knock sounded a the door. The women turned to see Steve’s head popped in, eyes screwed shut. 

“Is it safe?” He asked. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, Rogers,” Natasha laughed. “Pepper and I will finish getting Morgan ready and leave you to alone for a moment.”

Steve stepped in as the others stepped out, still not opening his eyes. Once the door was shut, he opened them, almost immediately becoming overwhelmed with emotions. Y/N stood up.

“You look,” he paused, swallowing as he nodded. “The parents would be proud.”

“You think so?” She questioned bashfully, looking down at her dress.

“I do.” He stepped forward and took her hands. “I know that me walking you down the aisle wouldn’t fix everything between you and I, and Tony and I, but thank you for letting me do this. And I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m sorry, too. I guess we’re both a little too stubborn for our own good.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I know you always imagined walking me down the aisle to Bucky, but thank you for supporting me in this.”

“If this is what makes you happy, then I can be happy for you.”

There was a few raps on the door before Nat opened it and revealed herself.

“It’s time,” she stated. “You two ready.”

“Mmhmm,” Y/N nodded.

“Okay, I’ll see you two out there then.”

Natasha disappeared and Y/N grabbed her boutique. Turning around, she laced her arm in Steve’s and took a deep breath.

“You okay?” Steve wondered.

“I will be,” Y/N responded. “Let’s go.”

~~~

Tony was nervously standing near the edge of the lake. Happy, Rhodey, Natasha, Pepper, and Morgan (in Pepper’s arms) were all waiting for Steve and Y/N to exit the house.

“Stop fidgeting,” Rhodey ordered. He was standing slightly behind Tony, because he was going to preform the ceremony. “She’s coming.”

“She still has a chance to back out,” Tony responded. “And I honestly wouldn’t blame her.”

“Stop that. She’s seriously coming down the stairs.”

Tony turned and gasped slightly. It was absolutely amazing how Y/N could get more beautiful with each passing second. To the couple, in that moment, there was no one else there except the two of them. They were both smiling as the stared at each other. Steve walked Y/N to Tony. It was the only time the two broke eye contact. Tony and Steve nodded to each other as Steve handed Y/N over to Tony. He placed a kiss on his sister’s cheek before taking the boutique and moving to stand beside Nat.

“You look… you look like the most beautiful person in the world,” Tony whispered. 

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve seen this coming since I saw these two first interact,” Rhodey began. “The universe has literally worked through time to get these two to this point, and it has finally arrived. Today, we make this small family official. Though there was really no need for it, since we already felt a part of it. The couple will first recite their own vows before we go into the exchanging of the rings. Tony.”

“Y/N,” Tony paused to swallow down the bubbling emotion. “I promise you that I will be your ever loving husband from this day forward. To be faithful and honest in every way, to honor the faith and trust you place in me. To love and respect you in your successes and in your failures, to make you laugh and to be there when you cry. To care for you in sickness and in health. To softly kiss you when you are hurting, and to be your companion and your friend, on this journey that we make together.”

“I also want to promise you that I will do the same for our daughter,” Tony continued. “I will love and respect her in her successes and her failures. I will make her laugh and hold her when she cries. I will care for her in sickness and in health. I will be her friend and companion, until the day comes where she’s standing before this family, doing what we are with the person she loves. I love you and Morgan so much.”

“Y/N,” Rhodey urged, “it’s now your turn.”

“I don’t know how to go after that,” Y/N chuckled lightly, trying to hold back the tears. “Anthony, I promise to be your loving wife. To be your partner in crime and your rock. I promise to honor you and respect you. I promise to be there with you in the ups and downs, to make you laugh and to comfort you when you’re upset. I promise to care for you at all times. Even when you’re in the lab in the middle of the night.” That earned a few laughs. “I promise to tell you I love you every day, starting now. I love you.”

“This is the point in the ceremony where we usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, with no beginning and no end,” Rhodey explained. “But we all know that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees, then older, cooled, and painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements. Love is like that. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It’s the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all. Happy, the rights.” Happy stepped forward and opened his hand, revealing the two matching silver rings. 

“Tony, take Y/N’s ring and repeat after me,” Rhodey instructed. Tony took a ring and held it at the end of Y/N’s finger. “This ring is my promise to accept your imperfections and appreciate all that makes you unique and beautiful.”

“This ring,” Tony smiled, looking into Y/N’s eyes, “is my promise to accept your imperfections and appreciate all that makes you unique and beautiful.” Y/N gasped slightly as Tony pushed the ring onto her finger.

“Now, Y/N, take the ring and repeat after me.” Y/N nodded, shakily taking the ring and holding it in front of Tony’s hand. “This ring is my promise to accept your imperfections and appreciate all that makes you unique and beautiful.”

“This ring is my promise to accept your imperfections,” Y/N repeated, “and appreciate all that makes you unique and beautiful.” She slid the ring onto Tony’s finger.

“Wonderful. Now, by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Rhodey looked at Tony with a smirk. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Tony grinned and eagerly pulled Y/N into him. He lovingly kissed her as their small crowd cheered and clapped. Pulling back once they needed air, Tony rested his head on Y/N’s, looking into her eyes.

“I love you, Mrs. Stark.”

“I love you too, Mr. Stark.”

next chapter >

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[beskar-cowboy]

Coup d’œil

Part 1 of The Best Things Dwell Out of Sight Series

Summary: The Mandalorian saves you from what quickly becomes an unsuccessful bounty hunt. (6.9k words) ao3 link here

coup d’oeil (french) - a sharp eye or a glance that takes in a lavish view.

Warnings: slightly NSFW (Mando has dirty thoughts!) canon typical violence, mentions of past violence against the reader, mentions of cuts and blood, fluff and angst i guess

A/N: this series will be uploaded in a non-linear order! i realize that this way of doing things might not be everyone’s favourite so please let me know if you would like to be notified when all the parts are uploaded (linearly in my masterlist) <3

Mandalorians had filtered into your work place before. They never stayed as long as other customers, but they seemed to enjoy themselves just as much as anyone else did.

But when he walked in today, you knew it wasn’t for pleasure, he wasn’t here to enjoy himself, to be entertained or distracted. No, he was here strictly on business. 

You heard him ask one of the girls for your boss; a bail jumper, known criminal who was constantly on the move from bounty hunters like him. Your boss was never in, barely stopped by the place he owned due to the high volume of lurking bounty hunters just waiting for him to show up.

Maybe this Mandalorian was just really lucky, or had impeccable timing because your bail jumper boss just so happened to be in today. He was in the back, probably harassing a worker.

It wasn’t long before blasters were being fired, seemingly from every corner of the bar. Turns out the shiny Mandalorian wasn’t the only bounty hunter in search of your boss today. All their tracking fobs were going off, almost like a choir. 

But the Mandalorian didn’t shoot first, he’s much smarter than that. 

He probably wouldn’t have even used his blaster, a blaster would have drawn too much attention to him. He would have gone around back without alerting anyone, using his rope and lasso to tie him up and bring him back to the ship with almost no effort, no hassle. 

But some rookies, some fucking twerps, had to get cocky and show off their blasters, aiming un-preciously, setting curtains and clothing up on fire. This place was about to go up in flames, fast. 

With no sign of your boss, Mando was about to call it quits on this one as he watched the flames grow hungrier and hungrier, consuming more and more of the bar with each passing moment. With the child next to him, he wasn’t so sure the bounty was worth the credits anymore. 

Mando ducks behind an overturned table, taking cover as the child’s closed pod follows him seamlessly. Alcohol catches on fire, fuelling it and sending glass shattering across the bar. He takes a deep breath, gripping his blaster, looking for a way out. 

That’s when he sees you.

Near the bar counter, huddled on the floor with your knees and head tucked into your chest.

Acting on sheer impulse, he rushes over to you, taking your shoulder into his much larger hand and grasping it somewhat forcefully, enough to alert you to his presence. He’s not a threat, he just wants to get out of here before this place is swallowed by the flames, he’s assuming you do too. 

You gasp, big eyes filled with tears as you look up startled at the Mandalorian. He may have been after your boss, but maybe he could get some measly credits for bringing you in as well. Not that you thought you were worth much, or anything for that matter, but you couldn’t help the way your brain was working in overdrive right now. 

You shoved yourself away from him, pulling your shoulder from his grasp with desperate fervour.

You were so used to the filthy touch of men, you’re unfamiliar with a gentle, helpful touch. When you look to the Mandalorian, the one who came in completely uninterested in the half-naked girls, who didn’t spare them a single glance, you can’t help but soften a little, maybe putting too much immediate trust in him.

“Let’s go!” He shouts over the firing blasters. 

Deciding you don’t want to go up in flames with the bar because of your stupid habit of overthinking, you let him pull you out of the crumbing building. 

You stare at him, bewildered and a little helpless if you’re being honest, somehow still afraid of your boss who’s probably dead by now anyways. 

You can’t help it, the fear is ingrained in you, it was beat into you. He'll know you’re trying to leave, trying to escape. He’ll come after you, he’ll hurt you. He always does. He always knows, he’s got eyes everywhere.

The Mandalorian’s hand feels warm and softer around your bicep this time. You let him pull you down the street and into the alleyways until you come upon a giant ship. Maybe not giant but it’s by far the biggest one you’ve seen around here.

The Mandalorian opens the hatch to his ship and this is the part where you’re not sure if you’re supposed to follow him, or get lost. 

He stares at you through the T-shaped visor, probably asking himself the same thing.

There was nothing for you on this dingy planet, no family, no friends, no work besides that bar that was about to go up in flames and out of existence. Everyone knew where you worked, who you worked for. They wanted nothing to do with you. You suddenly realized this was your chance, possibly your only chance at leaving and starting anew. 

The ship groans when the hatch finally touches the ground. You stare at the Mandalorian as you follow him and the floating pod inside, relieved when he doesn’t object. You can still hear the blasters going off in the distance up until the moment the hatch closes behind you. 

The floating pod that’s been following the two of you finally opens up with a mechanical hiss, revealing a little green… baby?

It coos at you and you can’t help but laugh a little at its exaggerated features, still very baffled and dizzy at how quickly everything seems to have escalated within the past half hour.

You follow the Mandalorian through the ship, up a ladder until you’re in the cockpit. With wide eyes, you watch him walk into the pilot seat, flip a million switches and you feel the ship rumble with life. It isn’t long before you feel it leave the ground and you stumble a bit, grabbing something on the control panel to steady yourself. You don’t feel like it’s in your best interest to assume you can just sit in the seat next to him, so you just grab the paneling a little tighter. 

You look out the large windows spanning across the cockpit and you quickly spot the bar you both just escaped from up here in the sky. Where you worked and lived for the last five years of your life. It was all you had come to know, all you were familiar with. You watched it as a sudden shock wave rocked the ship, you stumbled but held your ground, straining to look out the window at the explosion. 

You stare at a mass of angry flames, what once was the bar now fuelling it completely. The Mandalorian had seemed to know so intuitively that it would combust into a fiery pit, and you’re thankful that he found you at the exact moment that he had.

You had been paralyzed with terror, unable to move due to the fear of getting caught in the crossfire or being dragged away by your boss. Your thoughts fade away as you watch the smoke rise high into the sky before a flurry of stars flashes before the windows. 

This time you do fall from the sudden change in speed on the ship, landing hard on your ass. The baby turns to look at you over the edge of his pod and giggles. Your cheeks feel hot.

The Mandalorian doesn’t spare a glance back at you as you lift yourself off of the floor and walk awkwardly to stand next to him. You rub the skin on your elbow that stung from your fall as you look from him to the control panel, and the flickering stars dashing past you in solid blue streaks. 

“So... where are you headed?” You decide to ask after much deliberation on your wording, not wanting to accidentally say the wrong thing and set him off. He had no reason to trust you after all, might as well try and suck up to the bounty hunter. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments before he answers you.

“Batuu.” His voice sounds much deeper now that you’re in the dead silence of hyperspace. The modulator of his helmet no doubt distorting it to some extent but… you can’t help but shiver at his tone, at the deep rumble of his voice as it passes through you. 

“Great, I’ll just… I guess we’ll part ways once we’re there.” You nod at him even though he’s not looking at you. He doesn’t say anything in response.

At the sound of your voices, the child babbles from where the pod floats now next to you, probably wanting to be included in whatever conversation he thought the two of you were having. You turn to look down at him and smile when you meet his big black eyes. He was very precious and you couldn’t help but wonder what a young child was doing travelling with a big, bad bounty hunter.

With your head turned to study the child, Mando finally turns to look at you, look at you properly since you two fled the bar. 

Your hair and skin were dirty, flesh below the knees littered in bruises and dirt. He wonders to himself what exactly your job was at that bar? 

He asks himself this as if feigning ignorance, as if he does not notice your scantily clad body in that see-through dress, nothing but thin, white material and a thong underneath. As if you are not covered in bruises that may have been left from the rough hands of men who knew no boundaries. 

He pulls his eyes from you, he really fucking does because he feels somewhat angry for you, angry at what seemed to be your life and your job. He feels no desire to participate in the act of looking at someone who does not care to be looked at in that manner.

You turn back to face him, catching him off guard as you notice him analyzing you. You look at him with those big fucking eyes and that’s when he notices your split lip, the dark circles of fatigue, maybe even a black eye.

You can feel the way he looks at you is not with malicious intent but you can’t help but wonder how truly beat up you must look, how tired. He seems a bit taken back when you accidentally meet his eyes from beneath the visor… it must be bad.

“Your lip?” He’s unsure how to ask if you’re okay, if you need something or if you’re badly injured. He’s even more confused when you scoff and roll your eyes. 

“The other guy looks worse.” You huff, crossing your arms, feigning annoyance or arrogance but it comes out small and unsure. 

Mando looks away then, when your arms cross and press your breasts snuggly against each other. He regrets the way he begins to feel hot underneath his helmet, his beskar. 

But you hear something of a breath from underneath his helmet, maybe he was laughing along with you. At least, you hope he was. You’d rather that than him pitying you.

God, you hated how pathetic you seemed, how helpless and small you must seem to him. You were thankful for his rescue, for the semblance of warmth and compassion he’s shown you so far but… But you’re just not used to this, therefore you don’t know how to accept it and show how thankful you truly are. 

You both sit in silence for several moments. You sort of admire him while he pilots the ship, flicking switches and pushing buttons every now and then while you steal glances at the child, waving to him and watching him wave back and make those little noises, wondering what he’s trying to say to you. 

Mando thinks your laugh is sweet as it floats through the air every now and then, he wonders what it would sound like through his ears, without the receivers influence in his helmet. He likes how at ease you seem with everything, with him, even though he’s not quite sure what he’s done for you to feel that way.

“Would you like to use the ‘fresher?” He asks suddenly and you try not to appear startled at the sudden sound of his gravelly voice. He realizes he should have offered you the opportunity to wash off a lot sooner and he mentally kicks himself for it but, better late than never.

He’s turned to look at you expectantly. All you can do is nod your head. 

Cute, Mando thinks.

He stands up, towering over you and standing incredibly wide. You follow him as he leads you back down the ladder and into the main area that you had come in through. The refresher was just through a slender door that you had missed when you came in such a hurry. You step inside and start to close the door behind you when the Mandalorian says, 

“I’ll be in the cockpit when you’re done.” You nod and close the door once he leaves. 

Mando lingers on the other side of the door, screwing his eyes shut at the damned images that play through in his mind. 

Ones of you undressing, stepping into the shower, the shower he uses. 

Fuck, he had already basically seen all of you, there wasn’t much left to the imagination thanks to your dress. 

If he wasn’t wearing the helmet, he’d press the palms of his hands into his eyes until the sinful images dissolved into stars and static. But he is wearing the helmet so he shakes his head and lifts himself back up into the cockpit to distract himself with the millions of flickering buttons that he could be pushing on the dashboard.

Back in the refresher, you turn to look at yourself in the mirror that hangs above the sink incredibly slowly and reluctantly. 

There were no mirrors in your old place of work. Boss said it would distract the girls, pull attention away from the customers. Now maybe you knew why.

The bags underneath your eyes were dark, almost like you had a black eye on your right one. Then again maybe you did, the cut on your bottom lip would certainly indicate that it was a possibility. That guy had hit you pretty hard after you refused to fuck him now that you think about it.

You weren’t one of the girls that fucked, you served the drinks that intoxicated them out of their minds. 

But all the girls had to wear the same, debasing outfit either way; sheer white dress, black thong, combat boots. No socks. 

No wonder the customers got confused.

Deciding you didn’t want to look at yourself anymore, you quickly pulled your dress from your body, slipping the thong down as well before tinkering with the knobs and buttons of the shower. Eventually you managed to get the water hot enough to wash the grime from your body and you sigh, relaxing under the loving caress of the stream. 

You never had a shower to yourself at your work. Someone always hosed you down, all the girls standing in line, the weekly routine.

It saved water they said, but the water was always freezing cold, the hose down and harsh scrubbing that immediately followed only lasted ten minutes anyways. How much water could they have been really saving? A hot shower was a luxury you were never afforded, so you closed your eyes and tried not to cry at the embrace of the scalding water. You dipped your head down and watched the water drip, watching as it swirled down the drain with a dark red and brown tint to it.

Without snooping through the Mandalorian’s things, you found a bar of soap resting on a ceramic ledge in the shower. You lather it between your hands quickly, not wanting to waste his soap. You scrub it gently along your body, relishing in the sweet slippery slide of your careful hands. When was the last time you received a loving touch, even from yourself?

You ignore the sudden images that float through your mind; a faceless man, tall and wide like the one up in the cockpit, naked and scrubbing himself with the same soap you’re using now. You wondered if the earthy smell clung to his skin the way you hope it clings to yours, hoping it reminds you of a brief moment you were living in luxury, in comfort and dare you say safety. 

Eventually the hot water does start to run cold, you didn’t quite expect a ship to have a great hot water supply anyways. Upon turning the water off and stepping out, you realize there aren’t any towels for you to dry off with.

You then notice a small bin in the corner of the refresher, you peek inside finding a pile of dark clothing. You reach in and pull out the first thing you can grab, a black long-sleeve shirt. 

This must be his… 

You bring it up to your nose, inhaling the sweet scent. It smells like skin in the summertime, sweet and nutty, whatever cleaning product used on it only slightly lingering, almost like he slept in it too many times, deeming it dirty and throwing it in here for future washing. 

You reach for your dress, deciding to dry off with that and slip on his used shirt to wear instead. You think it smells good as you pull it over your shoulders, letting it fall to the middle of your thighs, the sleeves going far past your hands. Stars, this guy was huge. 

You throw your dress in the hamper, thinking that he won’t mind disposing of it once he realizes you’ve left it behind. But you keep your underwear, pulling it up onto your hips before you exit the refresher and are greeted by those big black eyes of the child.

“Hi there.” You smile, crouching down to the floor to be more level with him. He babbles and waddles towards you, stretching his little arms out. You hold your hands out for him to grab and play with, not feeling totally confident in yourself to pick him up, mostly because of the arguably overprotective Mandalorian sitting right upstairs. 

His small, three-fingered hands latch onto your own, prying your fingers apart and trying to put them in his mouth which you softly discourage with a soft ‘hey, don’t do that’, and ear rubs to try and distract him. 

A loud thud comes from behind you, close to where the ladder is and you yelp, jumping away from the kid. The Mandalorian stares at you, or maybe glares, you can’t tell from the way his helmet gives way to no emotions whatsoever. 

“I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t-” You begin to stammer, trying to apologize to a fucking Mandalorian for playing with the child, for all you knew was his son. You guess he could be green underneath that helmet and you wouldn’t have a clue.

A small coo cuts you off and you look down to see the child waddling towards you on the ship floor. His arms are stretched out again, reaching for you but he settles on putting them on your ankle.

Normally, Mando wouldn’t be so lax about a stranger being so close to the child, he wouldn’t be lax at all actually but...

But the way the kid is drawn to you, reaching for you, he can’t help but trust the little womp rat as a judge of character.

Mando’s eyes follow the child, watching him put his little hands on your ankle, your bare…

Oh.

You stand there in nothing but his shirt. 

His shirt. Fuck… Where did you even find it? 

Of course you wouldn’t want to put that scrap of material called a dress back on after washing off. He feels bad for not having the foresight to have offered you some clothing beforehand, although he would have had nothing better to offer you than another version of that same shirt, so he supposes it worked out all the same in the end anyways. 

You made the shirt look so much bigger with the way it seems to swallow you whole. Your perfect legs, bruises and all on full display, your hair dripping wet, soaking wet patches into the shirt, making your- fuck… making your nipples hard as you stand there nearly trembling in his gaze.

“It’s okay,” Mando’s voice is strained, hoarse and maybe a few octaves lower. He clears his throat before continuing, not wanting to come off as mad or upset. “He clearly likes you.”

You laugh nervously, looking down at the child who looks back up at you with big blinkey eyes, clearly trying to tell you something from the way he will not stop babbling. “I guess…”

The Mandalorian takes a few long strides towards you until he’s picking up the child from the floor, holding him against his chest, as if trying to show him to you in a more effective manner. You feel hot, nervous from how close he stands to you. 

Without the context of the child, there was a deadly bounty hunter, standing less than a foot away from you. You couldn’t help the way you trembled, you hoped he couldn’t tell.��

You reach your hand out to the little green child before stopping and looking up to the tall man, asking, “Can I?”

Mando shudders but nods his head. He watches you as you gently prod and rub the child’s ears and forehead, completely taken by your beauty. 

The shower seems to have done you good, you seem more at ease and he feels like he can truly see your face now. Clean skin save for the few cuts on your lip and under your right eye. But even the cuts seem less coagulated and crusted over. You probably scrubbed them too hard in the shower, he feels like he can see tiny bits of fresh blood near the ripped, purpled skin. He has bacta spray, maybe he should offer to clean it? What if it got infected-

“Is he yours?” You ask suddenly, voice small as you look up to the Mandalorian and his breath catches in his throat again. 

Did you know how deadly you were? Those eyes, that face… He hopes you don’t hear the way his heart pounds, but you don’t, you couldn’t, not over the baby’s relentless talking and squealing.

“Yes,” Mando answers too quickly, realizing very suddenly that he does not want you to think that he was green underneath all that beskar. “N-no, I’m-” not that there’s anything wrong with being green, he just- 

Fuck.

“Adopted?” You ask, sensing his inner turmoil. You hadn’t meant to ask such an intimate question, you were honestly stunned he even answered it, or at least tried to answer it.

“Yes, adopted.” You nod, seeming to understand to some degree. Thankfully, you don’t press it further.

“We’ll arrive in Batuu by morning. You’re welcome to sleep in the cockpit.” The Mandalorian says, changing the topic.

“Okay.” You follow him back up the ladder, letting him go first which he quickly realizes is so he doesn’t get a full view of your underside.

Sometimes he really is thankful for the helmet, especially with how much he seems to be blushing around you. He’s not typically like this, he’s not one to blush and stammer, people don’t make him feel hot, flustered, depraved. 

But then again he’s never let someone like you catch a ride with him, shower in close proximity, play with his adoptive son… all in less than an hour of meeting each other. 

After what felt like minutes but was more close to an hour, your eyes become droopy, feeling heavy as you fight to keep them open. Even though you’re still in hyperspace, you can’t help but feel like you’re missing out, missing out on seeing a galaxy whiz by that you would otherwise never have seen if it weren’t for Mando (short for Mandalorian, he informed you from the few questions he reluctantly answered). 

The child is asleep in his pod next to you, cozy and wrapped up in his long tunic and a thick blanket covering his body. You can’t help but feel a bit jealous, wishing you had something half as cozy and warm as that blanket looked. Your knees were tucked into your chest, arms wrapped around to hold them for extra warmth. 

But you’ll take what you’re given, you’re thankful for what Mando is providing you with, what he’s giving you; a new life, a fresh start, a second chance-

“Thank you.” You mumble, you whisper. You’re not quite sure if Mando catches it before your head is lulling to the side, then resting on your knees as you succumb to slumber.

Mando’s helmet turns to you when he hears you mumble something incoherently. Maybe you were sleep talking? He looks at you and finds you in the same position he found you in back at the bar. Head and knees tucked into your chest, this time with your bare feet hanging off the edge of the seat. 

His heart pounds. Like actually fucking pounds at the soft rise and fall of your back with each heavy, sleep laden breath you take. The way your toes and feet slightly twitch every now and then, the way your legs bend, the soft pull of skin around your knees, your thighs.... 

Once his eyes get too far up your leg he realizes that if he were to bend forward in his seat, even just slightly, he’d get a full view of that spot in between your thighs covered by the racy material of your underwear… his shirt you wear riding up over your hips with your position, there was no way you weren’t completely exposed to the open air of the cockpit.

But Mando wouldn’t dare look, wouldn’t dare peek at you, especially not… not that part of you. You seemed trusting of him for some reason. Maybe it was because he travelled with the child, maybe that gave him a sort of false air of trustworthiness, of gentleness perhaps? Mando doesn’t know, he’s not quite sure. The only thing he’s sure of right now is that he needs to drop you off in Batuu so he can stop thinking about the way you make his cock swell. 

How easily you made his cock swell, feel hot, heavy, starved.

Mando groans to himself, keeping it muffled in his helmet, scared to wake you or the child.

This was going to be a long night.  

//

The hatch opens and a warm gust of wind flows into the ship you’ve now come to know as the Razor Crest. 

You hold the long shirt down with one hand while shielding your eyes with the other, the harsh sun blinding you for a moment. You hadn’t realized how dark the inside of the Crest was until now. 

You had never been to Batuu, you hadn’t been anywhere for that matter, but as you step out of the ship, you think it might be the prettiest planet you’ve ever seen.

Mando had landed the ship in a secluded area, surrounded by dense trees and across a clearing from a lake. You wish you could stay here and rest with them but that wasn’t what you two had agreed upon. Mando had business here and he would escort you into town, and then that would be it, you’d be on your own. 

You tried not to think too hard about the fact that you were about to be walking around a densely populated city, wearing nothing but a long shirt, a thong and some boots without any socks. Mando didn’t seem too phased by it at least, but then again, he was wearing a ton of beskar and probably wasn’t worrying too much about your appearance. 

You walk alongside him regardless, not having much say in the matter. You could buy new clothes once you got into town.

The child’s pod floats on Mando’s other side, where he can keep a watchful eye on him as you walk through the wide streets of the town. You look around, coming to terms with the fact that this is where you live now, this is your new home. 

You feel your lip tremble, suddenly overwhelmed with how unfamiliar everything is. Where do you even start? Where do you go? Who do you talk to? What do you do when night falls-

“Are you hungry?” Mando’s deep modulated voice suddenly cuts off your quickly derailing thoughts which he noticed due to your shaky breaths, trembling lip and shiny eyes. You sniffle and run your hands down your face. 

“What?” You pretend you don’t hear what he said, trying to distract from the fact that you’re trying not to cry.

“When was the last time you ate?” He asks instead, realizing now that neither of you have had anything for almost twenty four hours now. You were probably starving, thirsty, parched. Your lack of response is enough of an answer for Mando.

He changes trajectory, leading you down the road to a rather big establishment with music flowing out the wide opening. A cantina. 

Eyes catch and follow the shiny man as the three of you walk into the place, taking seat at the relatively empty bar. Within seconds of having sat down, the bartender is scurrying over and standing in front of the brooding Mandalorian.

“Broth and a jug of water.” Mando orders and the bartender scurries off as quickly as he had come over. 

You look to Mando inquisitively with a furrowed brow, wondering why he had only ordered food for one- oh. Right. The helmet. He cannot remove the helmet.

The food and water arrives too quickly and you feel awkward, you feel bad eating in front of him, knowing he can’t have any and fuel himself too. 

“I-It’s on the house.” The short man stammers, scurrying away once again before Mando can say anything. Not that he would anyways, he just looks at you, carefully sliding over the full bowl and jug to you without paying any mind to the bartender. That was...

That was kind of hot. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and your cunt involuntarily clenched at how easily he displayed dominance. 

The broth steams and makes your stomach growl, but you go for the water first, downing it all in one go. You hadn’t realized how thirsty you were. 

Mando watches with endearment, watches you hold the oversized jug with both hands, tilting your head back to get every single last drop. He watches the way your neck extends, how it cranes back so elegantly, how it bobs. He thinks he’d like to touch it, maybe even kiss it, lick it-

“Thank you.” You say to him, in between heavy breaths due to the way you nearly inhaled the water. Mando nods, pivoting on his stool and resting his elbows on the bar, taking in the patrons of the cantina, surveying. He needs to do anything but look at you right now.

You with those killer eyes, wet, shiny lips and heaving chest, chest clad in his shirt, naked breasts pressed up against the fabric he once wore. He could feel the way his blood pumped out of his head and down to his cock, making it painfully twitch underneath his armour.

As you move on to the broth, you take in the sights of the cantina as well, looking at all the different types of species that fill up the booths, so many types of creatures you’ve never seen before. You wonder if Mando notices those particular ones that stare, including this blue guy off in the corner. He seems big, muscular, a wicked smile curling his lips as he looks directly at you. You wonder if Mando sees him. If he does, he doesn’t seem too worried. He is covered in extremely luxurious beskar and travelling with a tiny green child after all, he’s probably used to it by now. 

And a half naked girl isn’t that much of a switch up for him, is it?

You finish the broth rather quickly, all the while keeping your eyes trained on the blue fellow who seems to have moved closer to the three of you, stalking. 

“I have to go to the bathroom.” You announce, standing up and quickly pulling the long black shirt down to cover your ass. Mando nods.

“We’ll be out front.” You nod back, scurrying off to the back of the cantina, standing behind a random man perched on a stool at the far end of the bar who talks to another patron. You watch the blue man as he not-so-subtly follows Mando and the child out of the bar. 

Just as you expected, a stalker. Nothing you weren’t used to dealing with back on your home planet.

You notice the man you’ve crouched behind is armed with a blaster, a blaster that’s poorly holstered to his waist. It’d be so easy for someone to just, 

Snatch it. 

You rush out the back exit of the bar, seeing Mando and the child off in the distance, near the main entrance. The blue man standing only a few feet in front of you with his back turned towards you. Perfect. 

“Hey Mando!” He yells, his speech slurred, heavily intoxicated. You roll your eyes, switching the safety off on the lightweight blaster in your hands. Mando pivots leisurely, searching for the direction the voice came from before his visor falls on the giant blue man. You see the blue guy reach for his own blaster and,

Thud.

He falls to the ground, a burning red ring singeing the flesh in the middle of his back. He falls forward, face down in the ground as you emerge from behind him, blaster in hand emitting smoke from the barrel.

Mando is.... He’s stunned to say the least. And he’s not quite sure what he’s more stunned at.

The fact that he hadn’t noticed this guy beforehand. The fact that you did. How you sneaked off, forming a plan without him clueing in. How you snuck up on all of them. The fact that you have a fucking blaster. The way you stood there, feet firmly planted on the ground, legs apart, solid, long, arms outstretched in front of you, your one eye that was screwed shut in focus slowly opening again. Where did you-

“Where did you get that?” Mando sneers after menacingly marching over to you, gripping one of your wrists tightly into his fits and dragging you away from the body and into the weaving alleyways. You only answer him once he’s allowed you to pull yourself from his vice grip. 

“I grabbed it off some guy in the cantina.” You shrug, like it’s not a big deal, like you don’t know how much it’s turning him on.

Mando snatches the blaster from your hand, inspecting it and then quickly shoving it into his own holster. You feel as though he’s glaring at you from underneath the helmet. You look to the kid, he seems concerned, big eyes shining, ears pointing downwards.

“I saved you guys,” you glare back at Mando. “The child could have been harmed, or worse...” You trail off, not wanting to think of any harm coming to this precious child, even if you barely know him or his adoptive father. You couldn't believe he was upset with you about this.

Mando continues to stare at you, his chest expanding with each heavy stress laden breath he takes as your words settle into that thick skull of his. 

The child… could have been killed, his son. He could have been harmed.

Mando’s blood had rushed right out of his head and down to his crotch the moment he first saw you, he hasn’t managed to form a coherent thought since. 

Maybe he really did need to get rid of you.

As much as Mando had panicked when he had been deemed the child’s (however temporary) father, he could not imagine a life without him anymore.

His son. Adiik.

You watch Mando’s helmet tilt from you, down to the child before it sags even lower, staring at the ground. You scoff and roll your eyes at his lack of a response. Whatever, you were supposed to get lost anyways. 

Without another word, you turn on your heels and begin to walk down the dirt path, trying to think of a game plan as you kick at small rocks with your boots.

Mando begins to panic at the sight of you leaving. He thinks back to when he first delivered the child to the client. The regret, the fear, the shame, the guilt he felt as he left that forsaken building and walked all the way back to his ship before deciding no, he couldn’t give up a child like that. He couldn’t part from the little womp rat. He felt it in his bones, his being. Now that same feeling ebbed through him as he watched you walk away from him and his son. 

Regret, fear, shame, guilt.

“Wait.”

You stop dead in your tracks. Your bare legs halting their hypnotic motion. Mando’s heart leaps in his chest, a glimmer of hope. 

“What?”

Mando takes a deep breath, his beskar feeling too constricting, too tight. 

“Stay.” You don’t say anything, you just continue to stare at him. Mando tries to think of an excuse, an excuse worthy of your devotion. “T-the child has clearly taken a liking to you.”

It was true, the child had grown attached to you very quickly, for reasons unknown to either of you. Maybe it was just a kid thing but Mando can’t help but trust the child, trust whatever affection he’s already grown for you. 

You had stolen a blaster and you had used it to save them instead of threaten them for money, food, the Crest, or whatever else you could want. Mando couldn’t let that fact fly over his head, nor could he ignore the way it made his heart hurt with some emotion he had never experienced before.

Besides that, being a single parent and bounty hunter was not the easy task. It was no life for a child, and Mando couldn’t imagine how much the child’s quality of life would improve if he had someone else around to help him, to help him give the kid the attention and love he needs and deserves. 

Not that he didn’t love the kid but… but his line of work just made it difficult to separate work life and home life. He doesn’t even consider it a home… but maybe, with you -

“I’m not a babysitter.” You shrug, sounding exasperated but with no real malice behind your words. You look to the child, eyes wide as he coos, arms reaching for you like they have been since you met these two. It breaks your heart a little.

You try and convince yourself not to stay with someone who could keep you safe, protected from literally anything in the galaxy… 

No. You can protect yourself. You don’t need him. You don’t need his shiny armor and large ship… you especially don’t need the way your belly swoops whenever he speaks in that low, deep voice. 

You turn on your heels, swaying on your legs like you're debating just walking away again and Mando’s heart beats, beats, beats so fast he feels like he might pass out.

“I can pay you.” Your movements stop and you hesitate, looking to the ground for an answer, like it would be spelled out for you in the sand. The prospect of money is… comforting, intriguing.

“How much?” You say, voice quiet and a little ashamed. Mando tilts his helmet, deliberating over an appropriate amount.

“10 percent of what I collect.”

“Make it 40, that kid looks like a lot of work.” Mando scoffs, rolling his helmet and tilting it as if to taunt you. 

You weren’t wrong, he thinks to himself.

“20.”

“40.” You say forcefully, unbudging. 

Mando stares at you, refraining from throwing another pair of numbers in your face, helmet still and menacing. It seems 20 percent is as low as he’ll go. 

In reality, a 80/20 contract is a much sweeter deal than you would manage to snag anywhere else. No matter how much the Mandalorian makes, which probably isn't a lot but clearly it's more than enough for him and the child, especially if he’s willing to bring you on board to live with them. 

“I guess… I guess 20 works.” You finally answer after realizing he was hanging on your every thread for an answer, some indication that you’ve agreed to such a strange arrangement. 

“Yeah?” He tilts his helmet at you. You suppress some feeling of a smile pulling at your lips, a feeling that makes your cheeks ache. The child seems joyful too, as if he can understand the two of you and the contract you’ve just agreed upon. 

Mando feels like he’s high, like his heart is going to burst through the pounds of beskar which covers it so securely. 

You’ve agreed, you’ve agreed to stay with them. With him. He thanks whatever Maker is out there that you can’t see his face right now, can’t see the ways you make him blush, make him flustered.

“Yeah, Mando.”

“Good. Now... let’s go get you some real clothes.”