#my brain as it tries to make sense of the nonsensical

[pearlcatcher-problems]

maferzin ᛜ amphithere ᛜ queen of the roost

she ! the bean ! the long noodle ! I keep referring to her as the spaghetti project, so thankful to have it done after all the chaos this month q wq

Lore rambles about the amphitheres / roost under the cut to keep things tidy

Amphitheres. Noisy, multi-winged beasts that flocked in the remains of a Harpy outpost after the lich's fall due to a surplus of energy there, choosing to leech directly from the corrupted magics to fuel their flock rather than worry of possible risks as the benefits far outweigh any possible negatives. They have a drive for survival and know that they do so better in numbers, which requires above all protection, sustenance, and a strong sense of community between the flock. They're smart, but they're... not smart. While they can understand difficult concepts and engage in philosophy, a lot of the time they'd just rather.... not. In general, Roost Amphitheres tend to find more joy in the more 'stupid' aspects in life: unironically engaging in the equivalent to 'meme culture' in their little community.

Unironically, these little pea-brained idiots name themselves after whatever little thing makes them giggle the most so that they get to hear it time and time again and share that experience with friends. As amphitheres depends on identifying each other via scent patterns, the name is as much an accessory to them as the garb they wrap themselves in. There are some Amphitheres who may change their name once a week, others that simply end up finding something that feels right to them and staying with it their whole lives.

( Fun fact: most of the Roost Amphitheres are named after parts of the dubbed nanalan show because it tickles my brain so much! Maferzin, Peepo, and Nasa are all ones that have survived the name cycle over the years to keep to this homage! )

They are quick to react and slow to forgive, making them risky allies for many reasons. It's not uncommon for them to end up scrapping with dragonkin over veiled insults towards their nonsense habits or their more beast-like mannerisms when feeding / playing / existing in general, which has made creating long-lasting allies a hardship. In recent years, researchers from the main allied outpost have tried to gain access to Roost grounds to survey the lich's remains and form diplomatic bonds with the Amphitheres under Spire's guidance, which has been... mostly successful. There's been a glut of magic from the lich this season as his corpse will take aeons to properly decay, leaving the Amphitheres full to glut on his magic, jolly, and generally more amicable.

Physiologically, amphitheres are serpentine creatures that have bodies covered with scale and fur, and have no proper 'limbs' beyond wings. Six tends to be the norm, but some have been recorded with more or less depending on their heritage and how heavily the corruption has settled through their bloodline. 'Maneuvering' wing limbs usually have a singular or pair of clawed digits to allow them to grip or climb, whereas their main 'flying' wings are relatively normal. Some breeds may even fold up maneuvering wings for ease of flying depending on how poorly laid out they are. Two horns is the norm, but four have been recorded. Some may grind off their horns entirely if they get in the way of flying or entangled too much, it's also not uncommon for some to be broken from brawling.

Maferzin is the head of the roost, Queen of the Amphithere flock and considers herself to be quite the catch. She's large for an amphithere, but still dwarfed in comparison to Spire- something that goes to his favour as she's not used to feeling small and dainty around other dragons. As matriarch, her bloodline has cemented itself through the Roost's lineage, having multiple offspring thriving within their flock now, some expecting clutches of their own. She is a good leader in making the right call for her people, but not always the most empathetic to the struggles of others. She is a deep romantic at heart though and has found peace with the plentiful season in being able to simply thrive and enjoy the finer things in life: good company, a plentiful den, the newest in allied clan garb from the neighbouring silk trader....

She's never been one for frivolities, but with the new trade agreements and allies have come gifts. This has been a new pleasure she's very much enjoyed: thoroughly dressing both herself and her kin up in whichever finery the neighbouring seamstress sends their way ( she's honestly just thrilled to have a new body shape / flight pattern to clothe!! ) She has learned to keep whichever poorly-shaped pearls around her midsection, as they're the ones most likely to be pulled as she scales and winds herself around things.

While the species is jovial now, when starved... things change. They will attack anything that moves and wipe out entire ecosystems if left to their own unchecked. They are nasty buggers to fight as many of them tend to be venomous and they are always in large numbers. When alerted, many of them will create noise to pass on the alarm to neighbouring Amphitheres, usually in the form of hissing or rattling of tails ( for those who have rattles. ) Having them be peaceful long-term is a beneficial goal for everyone, as their existence allows plentiful research on lichfall from the main outpost, and having them be calm allows safe trade routes through their domain for other outposts. As such, the main outpost has devised a back up plan for if things do fall into a bad season via a storage system of liquid ley via the elementals at the oasis.

It's a delicate balance keeping it all afloat, but they're all somehow bound by the lich's fall and need to support themselves somehow.

Also, the base sketch of this was from literal years ago but I've been crying for the energy to actually tackle it. Feeling very good about being able to do so now!

[babycharmander]

(BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS)

I just finished reading The Book of Bill and I am kindof losing my mind over some of this stuff.

I had wondered if Alex Hirsch might make Bill sympathetic in some way and oh boy I was not expecting him to do it so successfully (and without cheapening Bill's character).

So, we learn that Bill was born into a 2D world... as a mutant who can see into the third dimension. He claims he was absolutely loved by all, but when talking about his powers, he mentions under Pyrokinesis:

"Cipher, Cipher, he's insane / Starting fires with his brain." The kids in grade school could be so cruel. But where are they now, huh? WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

So probably not quite as liked as he was letting on. To add to that, there's the silly straw page, which looks like silly nonsense until you decipher some of the codes:

"EYE DOCTOR OF A DIFFERENT KIND / WHO WANTS TO MAKE HIS PATIENTS BLIND" "THE DOCTOR SAYS / THREE SIPS A DAY / WILL MAKE THE VISIONS / GO AWAY"

I wasn't sure what this meant until I saw someone point out... he was seeing a third dimension that no one else could see. His parents probably took him to the eye doctor to try to "fix" him. Which, speaking of his eye doctor, the coded message in the section about human eyeballs says something interesting:

"MY OPTOMETRIST NEVER SAW IT COMING"

It could be a joke given beforehand he's talking about dissecting a human eye, but given the previous hints of medical abuse, I wouldn't put it past him that he tried to get revenge on his eye doctor.

Oh yeah and the whole thing about him setting his entire dimension on fire? Yeah it turns out it was entirely a mistake (he just wanted everyone to understand the third dimension he was seeing so they could be free of only two dimensions), he was so traumatized by it he blacks out when trying to recall it. He deeply, deeply regrets it, and...

"What? Your ENTIRE home dimension? destroyed? How? By what?" Bill looked distant, more distant than I'd ever seen him. "By a monster."

He sees himself as a monster.

And yet, he's not some innocent, misunderstood being. He still revels in causing pain and chaos. He's terrible in general, but becomes incredibly abusive toward Ford.

"YOU'RE MY PROPERTY. DON'T FORGET IT. The hillbilly abandoned you, your father won't want you returning without millions, you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?"

Which... speaking of him and Ford...

Yes, yes, I know people ship them. But like, whether you see their relationship as romantic or platonic (I see it as the latter), there's some interesting parallels to be made here.

Both Bill and Ford are mutants who were mocked for their being different. (Bill was not physically a mutant, as far as we know, but more in the sense of him having vision stronger than that of everyone else in his dimension, and also having special powers. And he does describe himself as a mutant.) Both became social outcasts, separated from their families but still haunted by them (Ford seeing commercials of Stan on TV and running across old photos of him and his brother, Bill being haunted by his family in some form). Neither could return home for one reason or another. Both more powerful than their peers (Ford intellectually, Bill in terms of actual powers). Both of them isolated and alone. (Yes, Bill does have the Henchmaniacs, but they seem like shallow friends, and only really seem to follow him out of a desire to have a place to party.)

Ford was not aware of most of this, aside from knowing that Bill could not go home because his dimension was destroyed. But Bill absolutely saw himself in Ford. There was no other person he tried to use whom he felt a stronger connection to.

And he actually seems to care about Ford--he actually gave him a birthday present, and when Ford didn't like it, he decided to get drunk and party with him instead to make up for it.

And then when Ford realizes what Bill's plan actually is and refuses to go along with it, and fights back no matter what Bill does, Bill completely breaks down.

After living for trillions of years, he met someone who was like him, and that person rejected him.

He goes berserk, wreaking havoc, being caught by the dimensional authority that he's been taunting for most of his life.

And then after dying and being cast out of hell for being too annoying, he winds up faced with the Axolotl, who sends him to therapy, where he continues to break down further, sending out the book in a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone who will help him break loose and wreak havoc once again.

"You have no friends, and if you died ... who would even miss you?"

I don't know, Bill. Who would even miss you?

In short,

[ID: The front and back of one of Bill's Valentines cards. On the front is a black void with Bill Cipher lying down without his hat, gazing blankly upwards, with the text "I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE" above him. On the back is a simple white "TO/FROM" in red, with a red outline illustration of Bill spontaneously growing a mouth and eating a realistic, bloody heart. /end ID]

[sortanonymous]

So am I the only one who gets kind of annoyed whenever people act like emulation on PC is the be-all, end-all solution that nobody has any excuse to not try?

Like don't get me wrong, long live emulation! It's just people going, "Why would you buy that re-release? Just boot up your computer and play it in 5K on Dolphin!"

I don't know if you can tell, but I only got a computer better than a Chromebook just last year, a pretty good $700 (I think refurbished but still very new) Windows 11 laptop, and yet it runs stuff as simple as Citra and Dolphin like absolute dogcrap, especially if, higher powers forbid, I want any resolution better than 480p. Heck, it can barely even do decent N64 emulation. And that's without even mentioning all the controller complications.

Not to mention, maybe they just don't have the space for a good PC setup or just inherently don't sitting at a desk to play games for hours at a time. I have warmed up to playing on this laptop lately (in case you couldn't tell from me playing through those Sonic fan remasters), but even so, I'd be lying if I said I'd rather be playing them on PC compared to on the TV or even a handheld console. And my desk is in no shape or position for a beefy PC with the nearest outlet so far away from it, so there goes upgrading to that even if my family and I had so much money to burn. (Although again, still a good laptop that I don't really regret having.)

Again, emulation rules and I can still get some good homebrew use out of this computer, but I'm just annoyed when people act like you'd be stupid to not go all in on PC emulation when, newsflash, it isn't exactly plug-and-play (though of course not to excuse when the kinds of re-releases I mentioned are lazy and/or overpriced - looking at you, Nintendo).

Then again, I also have a homebrewed 3DS and Wii U, making basically every pre-Switch Nintendo system besides the N64 (which even then I have Expanded Switch Online for at least the next eight months simply for not knowing when to turn off auto-pay in time, although I barely use it and the release pace is horrifically bad and greedy) fair game alongside tons of older stuff, so I could definitely be having it worse.

[puari-vol]

Peer Pressure

CW: Hypnosis

I stood quietly and unobtrusively off in a corner of the ‘slumber party’ trying my best not to bother anyone. Occasionally I glanced over at my friend Kelsey who was talking animatedly with some girls and wondered why she had insisted I come along. Of course I had agreed at the time, it seemed like a good way to make friends. But now that I was here…I couldn’t bring myself to try talking to anyone. I fixed my eyes on the cup of water in my hand. This was all… fine, I was just being Kelsey's designated driver. I was being helpful, like a good friend should be. It didn’t matter if I had fun or not. 

I zoned out enough that when Kelsey tapped me on the shoulder I jumped

“Did you really just stand in the corner this whole time? Geez come on you goof its time for the movie!” 

She took my arm and dragged me toward the TV. Both couches were full so I ended up sitting cross legged on the ground in front of them. Kelsey was about to sit next to me before she was suddenly pulled away to sit with some other girls, so now I was just sitting next to two strangers. They didn't seem to mind me, but they didn't introduce themselves either.

The lights go off and the movie starts, the chatter dies down as everybody watches. It seemed like there was something wrong with the audio, there was an odd droning sound playing under the movie. But it wasn’t loud enough to be annoying and nobody else seemed to notice so I kept quiet. The movie was honestly kinda boring, I glanced around and accidentally made eye contact with someone doing the same thing. I felt myself blush and turned back to pay attention. The movie kept going and after a while I started to space out. I was so out of it that when something changed it took me a while to notice. The movie wasn’t playing anymore, or maybe…this was part of the movie? The screen just showed a pink and purple spiral spinning around and around. The droning had gotten louder. How long had the spiral been on the screen? I couldn’t remember. I looked to the girl on my right, about to ask if something was wrong with the movie. But she was just staring at the screen, focused. I noticed everyone else was doing much the same. I quickly turned back to the screen, not wanting to embarrass myself. As I watched I tried to remember what had been happening in the movie for this to make sense, the spiral and been going for at least a few minutes now, but the more I tried the more the details of the movie seemed fuzzy and distant. I stared intently at the screen, trying to find out what everyone else was looking at…

I blinked when there was suddenly someone sitting in front of me. I only noticed because she waved her hand in front of my face after she sat down. She was backlit by the spiral on the screen and she smiled at me. 

“Hey there” she said softly “First time here?”

I just nodded feeling strangely dizzy.

“Kelsy said she was bringing someone knew, is that you?”

I nodded again, she was gazing intently at me and I started to feel self conscious, I averted my eyes and saw that everyone else was still just staring at the spiral

“Well Kelsy has good taste, you’ll be lovely”

I blush, not expecting the compliment

“Um thanks” I mumble no longer able to meet her eyes. She was grinning at me now

“Are you ready?”

“Uh…for what?”

“To learn about the button that turns off your brain” 

I blinked as I tried to sort through the nonsense statement

“The what?”

She giggled and pointed off to my left 

“Just watch, you’ll get the idea”

I looked and saw she was pointing at the girls sitting on one of the couches, all of their eyes were glued to the spiral. As I watched, another girl came up behind them. Starting with the girl on the far left, she leaned down and whispered something into her ear. Then reached over and tapped her on the forehead. At once, she went limp. Head lolling forward, eyes closed. She slumped into the girl sitting next to her, who jolted as if suddenly startled awake, eyes blinking rapidly. But the girl behind the couch simply reached over and tapped her on the forehead as well. And suddenly both girls seemed to be fast asleep leaning into each other. The girl behind the couch smiled and gave them both a pat on the head before moving on to the rest of the couch

“You see? All good girls like you have a button that turns off their brain” 

I was staring open mouthed at the girls now asleep on the couch

“But…but I’m not-”

“Shhhhh”

I felt a hand on my cheek, and my head was turned to face the girl in front of me again. I was blushing like crazy now and I stammered something incoherent. The girl just smiled kindly

“Don’t worry, you won't be bothered by that kind of stuff soon”

Hand still on my cheek, she turned my head to the right, where I watched the girl sitting right next to me get tapped on the forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she slumped back, mouth open and drooling.

“Isn’t she pretty?” 

She put her hand below my chin and made me nod, I hardly noticed I was just staring at the girl

“Doesn’t she look beautiful, all sleepy like that?”

She made me nod again

“Don’t you want to look like that?”

I nodded, I wasn’t sure if she made me or not

She turned my head to face her again. Her other hand was held up in front of me, her index finger pointed at me. My eyes focused on the tip of her finger

“W-wait”

“Nighty night”

She tapped me on the forehead

[quimichi]

↳ ❝ [YOU WAKE HIM UP WITH NONSENSE] ¡! ❞ pt.2

warnings: Pet names idk some might cringe at that, bad writing, Ace affectionately calling you bitch, some maybe turn out ooc - i just suck at a few characters-my apologies

summary: You wake him up in the middle of the night talking complete nonsense

characters: Twst boys x F!Reader

word count: 4.246

a/n: THIS IDEA WAS NOT FROM ME, unfortunately i can't find the creator so if you remember tag them! My writing wasn't as good as theirs tho

Riddle

Riddle's slumber is disturbed by the sound of his name. He doesn't answer right away, opening his eyes slowly and blinking a few times before he realizes his surroundings. "My rose?..." he asks, voice tired and hoarse.

He sits up, looking over at you. He sees you, and his expression softens. "Are you not able to sleep?..." "Remeber when i was walking my whale in the mountains, and i met two talking closets offering me a discount on money?" Clearly you make no sense, after all this was planned. You have to stiffle your laugh and giggles but you manage to stay serious nonetheless. Riddle blinks a few times as he tries to process what you're saying, his sleepy brain refusing to comprehend the words.

As his thoughts clear, his eyebrows frown as he attempts to make any sense of you talking about closets. Or discounts on money.

He blinks a third time to clear his vision. The expression on his face is pure gold, priceless. He looks adorable with his mouth agape. Riddle blinks a few more times. His eyes flicker as he attempts to discern your words, but he is too sleepy to put together the pieces.

"You walked a whale?" he finally manages. "Talking closets? Discount? Mountains??" He lets himself drop backwards onto the bed again and left out a sigh. "Mhm! Talking closets in the mountains" you softly laugh as you kiss his cheek and lay down beside him. Riddles cheeks heat up lightly, and he cannot help but blush.

"You can tell me all about it once its the right time..." and before you could even answer, he's out again....

Trey

The sound of your voice stirs him from sleep, and his eyes flutter open. Trey blinks a few times, the softest smile still gracing his features. He blinks again and again, finally fully comprehending the situation. His eyes widen as his lips part.

"Ah...yes?" he whispers, rubbing his eyes to rid himself of lingering sleepiness.

"I forgot to tell you that yesterday I was out with my mixer and we saw a duck on the runway having metal teeth." You can tell that the story has stumped him for a few seconds. He blinks, seemingly trying to process what you just said.

Though he knows the words make sense separately, all together they're a rather peculiar combination. He tilts his head, his brow furrowing.

"That's...a bit strange, no? Was it a normal duck aside from its odd teeth?" "Yeah!" His mouth quirks up. You can see a glimmer of amusement flit across his features as he chuckles. "A duck with metal teeth it was then, cool i guess." he says as he tries to form a picture of it in his mind. The concept of an otherwise-normal duck sporting metal teeth would definitely be a curious sight.

He lets out a soft snicker, clearly entertained by the absurd image. "Now," he yawns, "c'mere and sleep with me now, kay?" he mumbles tiredly and pulls you closer by your hips, pressing you against his body.

Cater

Cater's eyes open slowly, as if he was only half asleep. When he sees you, his eyes widen a bit and he tries to focus. His expression is soft and a bit hazy, but he seems to recognize you immediately. When he sees you, you notice a wave of tender affection flood his body as you hear him take in a deep breath before he lets out a quiet sigh. "Whatisitbaby..." he slurrs his words together.

"I baked a broom for you and decorated it with car keys for your happy easter celebration on Christmas!" Cater blinks a few times, before he slowly lifts his head and blinks slowly. He seems a bit confused about your statement, how can someone not. He is too drowsy to respond just yet, so he merely smiles goofly at you gently and lets out a small yawn. His eyelids slowly start to close again, but he seems very content to just sit here with you.

Cater seems to be drifting off sitting, so you decide to let him return to sleep. His breathing grows heavier the moment his back hits the bed again, but you can still see his chest rise and fall softly as his body adjusts to a deeper slumber.

His face rests against your chest, but before he can fully fall back asleep again he slurrs a few words for you. "Youcantellmeallaboutitinthemornin'kaykaybaby?"

"Kay Kay, baby" you softly laugh and kiss his forehead.

Ace

Ace’s breathing pauses for a moment as he remains partially asleep. His eyelids flutter and his eyes remain closed, but he responds nonetheless. "Fuck off Juice...lemme sleep..."

"....bro youre in my room no blueberry juice here-" you deadpan. Ace raises his head, mouth open with a bit of droll running out. He blinks slowly, left eye earlier than the right, and looks drowsy at you. "Right....what's the matter babe?" He drops his head face down in the pillow again after he used all his energy to answer you. "So, yesterday when i wanted to visit the moon i accident took the wrong worm and we ended in the bushes where shoes grow." Ace laughs softly into the pillow and shakes his head at the absurdity of it all. “Ah, yes…I remember. Cool story babe.......now lemme sleep"

Before you can even react Ace wraps his arms cautiously around you and pulls beside him as he lays on his stomach. "You're one crazy bitch...fuck, i love you." He mumbles into the pillow again, before turning to face you and pull you closer into his chest. Ace lovingly kissed your forhead before stroking your hair and slowly falling asleep again.

Deuce

A quiet moan escapes Deuce’s lips, and he begins to stir. He opens his eyes and sits up— you can see that he is still half-asleep, blinking slowly and lazily at the ceiling. “Wha-...ar...are you hurt or somethin'?” he says in a gentle, hoarse whisper.

Your gentle touch on his shoulder has woken him from his rest, and yet he doesn't seem annoyed by it; quite the opposite, in fact.

"No, no I'm not hurt. But i just saw a flying console screaming for pudding outside our shower." "Pudding?" Deuce repeats the word curiously, blinking as he wipes his nose and sniffs tiredly. Your tone seems to suggest that he should find the word familiar, but the foest year seems genuinely clueless as to what you're talking about. He gives you a baffled expression, but you can tell that he's still not quite himself.

If there are any flying consoles out there, they aren't his concern. "Pudding... flying consoles..." he mumbles. "Baby, you want some pudding...?" He ask tiredly, looking over at clock on the wall, luckly the moonlight lets him see the time. "At..." he squint his eyes, "8 am?"...3 am but you don't want to burst his bubble just yet.

"I can wait till 8 am, no biggie" you say, smiling at how concerned but also confused he is. Although hes tired he still tries to be a good boyfriend for you. "M'kay...g'night..."...out like a light.

Leona

"Hmm" Leona groans. His hands trail up and down beside him lookung for your body to pull you closer against his body. But he didn't found you, instead you were sitting up. "Herbivore,...c'mere already."

He's still slightly groggy from sleep. Its common knowledge, waking Leona Kingscholar up is an unofficial crime. And now you even left his arms, the audacity. Good thing hes way to tired at 2am.

"I was looking for my teapot but instead found a dancing glass of ice tea waiting at the traffic light to turn into a tulip." "Ah... what?" Leona murmurs, slowly shifting upward. His gaze is still half-lidded by sleep; his eyes have yet to come back into focus.

He blinks at you a couple of times, before finally rubbing his eyes and frowning. Leona looks somewhat annoyed. "What nonsense are you saying?" He blinks some more, his voice still rough with sleepiness. "I...I love you come back and sleep." And since you didn't immediately react to him he growls back a, "Now."

Ruggie

Ruggie stirs at your voice, ears laying flat and lazy against his head. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at you with half lidded, sleepy eyes. "Mmm...is it morning already?" he asks quietly. "No." You smile gently at him and kiss his cheek. He smiles dopey and falls back against the pillows. "But...when I tried to read the picture about the story of the bear who went jogging in the clouds, i got confused."

Ruggie is just as confused. But smiles slightly as he props himself up in bed. He rubs his eyes, his expression one of amusement layered with tiredness.

"Ya know..., you really need to stop askin' me to help you with your homework,” he mumbles. "Huh?" "...Huh?" "....oh-" "yeah?..." Ruggie didn't know what he said, neither did he knows what he actually understood. And neither did you. You both just blink at each other looking confused, before he drops down into the pillows again and holds his arms out for you. "Come back and cuddle...ya silly little minx"

Jack

His ears twitch at the sound of your voice, and his eyes dart open in a sharp flutter. Blinking away the lingering sleep from his eyes, the world comes into focus.

When he realizes that its only you in front of him, he relaxes. "Are you not feeling well?" He's definitely not wide awake but isn't half asleep either. He quickly sits up too and puts his hand on your cheek, caressing your skin with his thumb as he looks at you worried. That would make you melt under normal circumstances, but you had other plans this night. "I was attacked by a wild blueberry and it wanted to read my eyelashes off my nails."

Jack blinks. His thumb stops moving as he is processing your words slowly. "... You're... you're..." He trails off at the nonsensicality of the sentence. The words don't register, and he looks at you with confusion. His brow furrows.

"What?"

You can't help but giggle. "Alright...time for you to get some sleep, hm?" Jack sounds exhausting, from being sleepy and from you. He stroke your cheek lovingly one last time, before you cave in and lay back into bed. "Good girl...", sudden tiredness came over Jack and he lays back beside you, pulling you against his chest.

Azul

The voice breaks him from his slumber. He flinches in surprise, waking from a deep sleep. His lavender eyes shoot open. They look at you with a certain amount of fright — until they register your face, in the darkness of your bedroom.

"Pearl?" His voice is a whisper— husky with sleep, but soft all the same. "If a snail flys into a tree, does it turn pink or will it eat chips?" You immediately hit him with your nonsense, no mercy. Azul stares at you in utter confusion. His face is one of uncertainty, and a touch of amusement as he tries to make sense of your question.

He settles on a response, but is not entirely confident in its truth. "I do not know, Pearl." He murmurs. "But what i know is that you should be asleep." You know he's right, but you also just wanted to have some fun. Azul gently pulls you back against his chest. He smiles at you warmly as he wraps your body in his arms.

He presses his lips to the top of your head. His hands come up to your hair, fingers threading through yours and gently stroking you, brushing them down your back to soothe your weary bones. "We can...discuss this tomorrow..." You just nod, snuggling up to him. Teasing him didn't work, but at least you got his affection.

Jade

Jade always sleeps lightly, so the tiny call of his name immediately wakes him. "Hmmm…" his voice is barely above a whisper as he wakes. He reaches out for you, his movements gentle, his eyes searching in the darkness for your body. "Mm...Guppy?"

"Do teeth grown on walls when they are covered in amnesia?"

The question catches Jade by surprise, his brow furrowed as he contemplates your words. He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again, his brow now a full-on frown as he tries to formulate an answer.

"No?" he says slowly, voice sounding like a question rather than an assertion. He furrows his brow even further, brows meeting in the middle of his forehead. "...You know...there are situations where i feel like Floyd rubbed off on you..." he says. "Ey-!" Jade lets out a tired chuckle before pulling you back against his chest again. "My little guppy...so dumb sometimes, hm?"

Floyd

His pale eyes snap open as soon as he recognizes your voice. "Shrimpyyy," he whines quietly, his voice quivering in his surprise from being pulled from his slumber. "Why'd wake meee?" he mumbles and pulls you closer and tighter against his body, at this point youre used to it. "Do ghosts twerk when you play them ladders and earth?"

As odd a question as it was (Floyd is too), he doesn't even flinch. Instead, he takes a moment to process it before nodding, his lips curling into a smile as he answers, "Of course! Everyone knows ghosts like to twerk." Floyd just starts to giggle in delight, wiggling you around happily, "Aww shrimpy i love you! You're so silly!" He gave you one last kiss on your head before his smile drops, "But we gotta sleep now, so you better behave and don't wake me up again." Though he is still a little unsteady from being woken up so suddenly, his strength still remains in his embrace. From the way he holds you, you can feel how much he loves you. He wants you close. He wants to keep you with him. Forever even.

Kalim

His brows furrow as his eyes continue to stay shut. But your voice was enough to rouse him.

"Hmm?" his lips part, but his voice is still hoarse with sleep, and he doesn't open his eyes yet. Before he can open them or even get remotely more awake, you attack him immediately. "How do i know if a bunny catches a goldfish in a storm of wandering suns?" His brows furrow even further as his head shifts toward your direction. That question did nothing to make any kind of sense to him.

"H-Huh?" he asks warily, his eyes slowly opening just as his brows are un-furrowing. "I- Um." He looks around, his thoughts scattered.

"Lemme ask Jamil real quick...Ja-!" "No-!" Befode he can wake up the poor exhausted second year who just got into bed, you shut Kalim with your hand against his mouth. "Shhh-" He keeps mumbling against your hand, before he choses to gently kiss the inside of your hand. "Tschul...pwease led me go" "Huh?" You raise your hand, "I said, Jewel, please let me go-!" Kalims arms wrap around you in an instant. He buries his face into your shoulder, seeking the warmth of your arms. All of the tension in his body seems to ease at once, replaced by the comfort that he feels when he is in your presence.

He nuzzles his head into your shoulder, the touch being all that he needs for him to be at peace. "Ahhh, I'm wide awake now..."

Jamil

His head tilts a little as the sound of your voice reaches his ears. His head turns in your direction. His breathing is shallow and steady, his eyes closed.

"Mm? What now?..." "Do dogs cry rainbows when they breath daisies on a sunday bell?" There's a moment of silence as your question registers in Jamils mind. The wheels are turning, and you can tell he's processing it.

Finally, he answers, "No, my love. Dogs cannot cry rainbows when they breathe daisies on a Sunday bell....now good night." "Oh-" you were taken aback by how fast and serious he answers. Probably used to it from Kalim. It takes him a moment to realize he should explain his answer. "Dogs are not... capable of...crying rainbows and certainly not when they breathe daisies on a Sunday bell. The latter is...quite nonsensical, actually." A hint of a smile tugs at his mouth, but the expression does not fully reach his lips, "As expected from you "

He waits, allowing a moment to pass to see if you have a response. "Good night Jamil...." "Good night."

Vil

(Bro would honestly kill you but---lets forget about that now-)

His eyes flutter open as he removes his sleeping mask.They blink slowly, fighting off the haze of sleep. And then, they fix on you.

"Yes?" He whispers. Vil is scared you might be in pain, or a different problem flared up. But instead you hit him with this nonsense.

"If a goose loves an ogre, do they drink pebbles in the moonlight?" His mind reels from this seemingly nonsensical question. His body is tense as a whip, his heart pounding in his chest. This feels like a trap, but his mind scrambles to find a response.

He opens his mouth, then stops. He tilts his head, then opens his mouth once more, stopping. He blinks, staring at you.

Then, his lips curl to a smile. "Yes they do," he affirms with complete certainty. "They drink pebbles in the moonlight. And you know what else they do?" "No?" God bless your innocence in this moment, "They never wake up one another when they have their beauty sleep and don't ask them stupid questions." "Oh-..."

Rook

The sound of your voice, however small and soft, stirs Rook from his "slumber". Rook is never truly asleep, a good hunter never rests. He cracks open his eyes, and his lips form a smile and part to form a word.

"Yes?" he excitingly says, though the word, meant hushed and quite, was more loud than expected. "Yesterday I saw a sheep kissing a well and singing it a waterfall because it couldn’t catch a pizza." Without missing a beat he answers, "What a marvelous story mon ange! Did you come up with it yourself?" You nod proudly, not using one braincell to come up with words in the first place is and accomplishment! "Oh, mon ange, would you tell me more about this loving relationship between this talented sheep and its well-lover?"

Rook responds by wrapping his arms tightly around you. He presses his body close to yours, his fingers kneading at you. His touch is gentle but firm. Time seems to slow down as you two press even closer against one another, and you come up with more nonsense to entertain him. The world fades away to oblivion as thoughts of every day concerns slip away and you two embrace the warm bliss of that moment.

Rook doesn't say anything. He only smiles with pure adoration at you and listens to every single word. He just holds you, his every atom focused on being near you. Like always.

Epel

"Epel, Epel, Epel, Epel, Ep-" said guy blinks a few times in an effort to fully awaken as he hears you call his name multiple times. He squints his eyes as he adjusts to the full moon lighting of his bedroom.

He blinks again, rubbing the weariness out of his eyes. "Yeah?" he mumbles softly, his voice still sluggish with sleep. "I just saw an owl wearing a hoddie and stealing a womans wig while the sky was skittles." Epel blinks a few times, trying to process the words you just conveyed. He opens his eyes wider and shakes his head.

"Sounds like you had one wild dream," he whispers as gently as possible, "But at least it wasn't a nightmare so...ya should probably go back to sleep now." Epel's voice is a murmur as he slowly leans down to kiss the top of your head. His cheek brushes against your hair as he nuzzles into the softness, and he takes a deep breath.

His gaze lingers on your face, studying your features as he pulls back slowly. "I'll watch over you so you won't have any strange dreams..."

Idia

The sound of your voice cracks through his mind, jolting him to attention. Idia jolts up from sleep, startled. The sight of you makes his heart skip a beat.

He blinks his eyes open, staring back at you for a moment as he reorients himself. His breathing is quick and shallow, but he steadies himself. "Is-Is something wrong?!" He sounds genuinely scared and worried for you, you almost feel bad about what you're gonna do. "Horses eat frames so they can fly faster to the basement of the Texas curtains."

"Cool" Idia says softly, and his eyes squint. He tilts his head, clearly not tracking your train of thought. His body is tense, his mind dense, on edge as he attempts to make sense of what you just said. "Babe...explain," Idia says, his voice a near whisper. He narrows his eyes, concentrating on your words.

His lips purse for a moment, and he shakes his head slightly. "Can't make sense...might call Ortho..."

Malleus

His chest freezes with a sharp inhale, and he opens his eyes. His heart pounds in his throat, a nervous flutter. "Yes!? Love? I'm here," he says, his voice hoarse from a few hours of undisturbed slumber.

He blinks a few times, rubbing his eyes as he looks up to you, sitting in bed. He wants to speak, but the words can't leave because you beat him to it.

"2 birds were fighting over a brush because it tastes like fries on a Tuesday afternoon." His eyes narrow as he tries to process what you just said. "Tastes...like... fries? on a... Tuesday?"

Confusion clouds his expression, and he cocks his head slightly to the side. Your lack of response only cements his uncertainty. Was that a question? A question you expect him to answer, or was it a joke?

His frown deepens and he clears his throat, "The old man once told me abouta thing called Hoocus Poocus (my stupid idea of google)" he says slowly, raising from bed and groaning like and old man with back problems before he walks over to his phone on his desk. "Maybe this can help...my love?...Do you recall how I alive this device?"

Lilia

The snore halts, the sudden outburst of sound startling him out of his sleep. He wakes up like a mother, with a loud gasp. His eyes shoot open as he bolts upright, and he stares straight at you with an anxious expression on his face. "Has the time finally come?" "W-What time?" "Where i may or may not have left a cake in the oven and it caught fire." He says it with such ease...like he did leave a cake in the oven to burn down the entire dorm.

"No-!....I just wanted to know if you can cactus me a cucumber." He stares at you blankly. Your request takes a few seconds before registering in his mind. A brief flicker of concern crosses his face, but it is fleeting as he realizes you are being facetious. Oh, how much he loves your stupid ass.

He lets out a small laugh. "I'll cactus you a cucumber tomorrow, dearest."

Silver

He is so used on your voice that even in his slumber, your words reach his core. When you call out to him, his breathing grows shallow and his eyelids begin to flutter a bit. His lips twitch again, and he turns his head slightly.

"Ahh...whatisit..." "I slept on a dentist with a horn and he fixed my hair with his light switch." Silver's eyes snap open at your words. You've caught him off-guard yet again. He stares at you for a long moment before he finally speaks.

"You slept...on a dentist..?" He's still half-asleep, his voice quiet and hoarse. "Princess, did you cheat on me?" A quiet, breathy laugh escapes his lips for a split second. Your words are nonsense, and he knows it.

He swallows down another laugh, biting his tongue in an attempt to stifle it as he sees your horrified face. "Shut up..." you mumble, why does no teasing ever work with him?

Sebek

"I'M AWAKE AND READY-!," Sebek is startled awake, sitting up quickly. His eyes open with an instant, and he glances around, his gaze settling on you. "HUMAN? YOU AWOKE ME BECAUSE SAVANACLAW FINALLY ATTACKED DIASOMNIA TO KIDNAPP LORD MALLEUS, RIGHT?!"

"......no but, a egg just gave birth to a basball and now his golf wife is mad."

Sebek blinks for a moment, his brain trying to comprehend your bizarre statement. His face twists, you can't tell if its anger or regret. Regret for ever letting himself catch feelings for you. You never heard him being so silent, cause even in his sleep hes loud...he snores.

"...Human?" "Yes?" "I will escort you back to ramshackle so you can spend the rest of the night in your dorm."

"Nooo-!" "Yes-ah-ey-let go of me-!" He gasps at the sudden embrace, and he stiffens as a flood of emotions rush through his heart. His arms hang loosely at his sides as he is swept into your warm embrace. There is no resisting it. No matter how much he trys, he will always love you no matter what.

He feels like he's going to melt.

[jillgirlfriends]

Is my girl upset with me?

you are offended by them, and they are trying to make amends to you

pairing: billy loomis, jill roberts, charlie walker, ethan landry x fem!reader

warnin: offended!reader there may be something obscene, murder, some naughty

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ BILLY LOOMIS

you are so tired of your fights with him. billy was a wonderful boyfriend, you loved him very much.. with all your heart, but you are very annoyed that lately he just leaves you in the middle of your date with him. this is already the fifth time in a week, you finally could not stand it, splashed out all your emotions on your boyfriend and you both quarreled, because of which you became even more offended at him and decided to ignore

If only you knew that your boyfriend is actually a murderer and leaves your dates because of the stupidity of his idiot partner. but billy won't be able to admit it to you.

when he is completely calm, he will follow you around all the time trying to get your attention.

billy will always pay attention to you and show you his rare tender side that only you know about. he wants to spend all his time with you, but he can't because of his.. affairs.

billy will pull you to himself, hugging your waist and saying tender and sincere compliments kissing your neck. and in the end, you will forgive him.. because you can't be offended by your beloved boyfriend for so long. especially being offended by such a hot guy is a crime

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ JILL ROBERTS

it's all that damn trevor's fault. he deliberately want broke you up with your girlfriend by telling you all sorts of nonsense right in front of jill. he said that she was a very possessive and toxic person and that you should break up with her. you were already very tired after school that day and you just didn't understand what was going on and... you believed that idiot and ran away without saying anything, unable to handle it all. your brain just didn't work because of all the fatigue. fucking trevor wanted to ruin jill's relationship with you in this way because jill broke up with him

jill was so furious, she just froze and glared at trevor with the darkest, most gloomy gaze, thinking about how she would finish him. her hands clenched into fists and her eyes seemed to turn black.

oh.. trevor doesn't realize how much danger he's in when he calls jill

first, jill will come to her senses and calm down properly and will think over her plan in her room, and walk back and forth like an embittered paranoid. now on her mind:

1 ruin trevor's life and kill him for good

2 get her lovely girlfriend back

jill single-handedly sent information about trevor throughout the school and even made everyone think that he was the real ghostface.

she invited trevor to her house when her mother was away, jill made trevor think that she wanted to get their relationship back.. but it was not so. she killed him, and then wounded herself on purpose so that everyone would think that he broke into her house and tried to kill her, but she was able to fight him off and as a result, jill achieved two main goals at once. killing trevor. check. becoming famous. check. she was that fake final girl.

you yourself immediately rushed to the hospital to your girlfriend, completely forgetting about the quarrel, and pounced on jill with strong hugs. you were so worried about her.

thus, jill was able to make peace with you and achieve her goals, because she doesn't trust anyone alone

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ CHARLIE WALKER

kirby. that name alone makes you so mad. kirby started flirting with your boyfriend right in front of you, and charlie.. he was so slow and didn't know what to do, he didn't reject her at all. of course he didn't let her do physical things to him.. but, he responded to her compliments and then you just exploded. 4 years. 4 fucking years, she ignored him and when he started dating you, she immediately started paying attention to him? what the hell. you got so mad and then yelled at charlie, giving him a choice.

«me or kirby, the choice is yours» - the last thing you said to your boyfriend and walked past him, brushing against his shoulder. before that, charlie felt your anger..

charlie was confused and he was... honestly, even scared. he didn't want to lose you. that day when you poured out all your anger on him, he was in a strong panic and even cried at night, not knowing what to do.

the guy himself doesn't know why he let kirby flirt with him, maybe because he liked all this attention? or he still hasn't fallen out of love with her? no.. no, he has you.

as a result, charlie, out of despair and not knowing what to do... took a knife and put on that same robe and suit and went to the kirby house. he realized that you are more important to him and he loves only you.

the next day, the guy apologized to you. he was ready to kneel in front of you or even kiss your feet, just so that you would forgive him. you forgave him and apologized for your anger at him, and after that you both shared a tender kiss with each other

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ETHAN LANDRY

ethan honestly.. was such a slowpoke in the relationship, you understand that he is just shy and all that.. but, damn. when you want to hug him or kiss him, he always gets embarrassed and "pushes" you away, the most you always do.. is hold hands, yes, you understand that he needs time.. but, damn. it's been 3 months since your relationship! you just started to get irritated by all this, ethan was such a sissy that you just didn't want to see him or talk to him.

you ignored him and when ethan wanted to take your hand as always, you walked past him and didn't even look at him, completely ignoring him

ethan felt hurt that you ignored him, but... he couldn't find the courage to talk to you about it, so he followed you around like a kitten.

he tried for a long time to understand why you were offended by him, he asked his child for help and even asked him for advice, to which he received the answer: "I don't know, dude" and ethan was in despair and walked sadly around you for days

as a result, with the chad's help, ethan plucked up courage and apologized to you. you in turn, naturally forgave him because you missed him and it was painful for you to look at his sad face and without his asking pulled him to you for a kiss, to which he was surprised but timidly reciprocated the kiss

[luvst4rc0r3]

Loser!Jinx x Reader Headcanons

Jinx wasn’t just a loser—she was the loser. The kind who sat in the back of the class doodling in her notebook instead of taking notes, who always had a random bruise from doing something stupid, and who somehow had a negative GPA but could explain the entire plot of an obscure 90s anime no one had ever heard of.

She wasn’t exactly hated at school, but she was weird, loud, and unpredictable, which made people avoid her. Except for Vi, who was always yelling at her to “Get your shit together, Powder,” and Sevika, who only tolerated her because Vi forced her to.

Then there was you.

The first time Jinx saw you, she short-circuited. She was just trying to make it through another miserable day of Algebra when you walked into the classroom, and suddenly, math didn’t exist anymore. All she could think was:

“Oh no.”

You were effortlessly cool—new to school, good at everything Jinx wasn’t, and way out of her league. But you were nice. Too nice. The kind of nice that made Jinx go home and kick her feet while screaming into her pillow because why would you ever talk to her unless you were planning to ruin her life?

- The first time you talk to her, it’s because you sit next to her in Algebra.

You: “Hey, do you have a pencil?”

Jinx, panicking: “Wh—uh—I—yeah—no—I mean—” (frantically digs through her backpack, pulls out a crayon).

You: “…Thanks?”

Jinx: “Yeah! Totally! I only use crayons, actually. Pencils are a government conspiracy.”

You: “Oh? Tell me more.”

She thinks you’re messing with her. But you don’t laugh. You actually listen. And when she rants about whatever nonsense is currently living rent-free in her head, you just nod along like she’s making sense.

She falls in love immediately.

- Jinx is the type of loser who spends all her time online, plays obscure indie games, and has a concerning amount of conspiracy theories about random things (like why the school vending machine is always out of strawberry soda).

- She is hopelessly, painfully, pathetically in love with you. Like, full-blown kicking her feet and giggling into her pillow kind of crush. She doesn’t even try to be normal about it.

- If you so much as glance in her direction, her brain short-circuits. Immediate blue screen of death. Malfunctioning Jinx noises.

- She swears she’s being subtle, but the entire school knows she’s down horrendously bad for you. Like, it’s embarrassing. Vi has tried to stage an intervention. Sevika has bet money on how long it’ll take before she faints in front of you.

- If you actually talk to her? Oh, she’s done for. Stammering, tripping over her words, probably dropping whatever she’s holding. You could ask her the simplest question, and she’d be like:

You: “Hey, do you have a pencil?”

Jinx, sweating bullets: “Uh—uh—uh—uh—I—pen—yes—no—I mean—I do? Maybe? What’s a pencil?”

- She definitely stalks your social media. She has your entire posting schedule memorized, knows all your interests, and tries to bring them up in conversation to impress you—but it just makes her sound insane.

Jinx: “Soooo… I heard you like frogs.”

You: “What?”

Jinx: “Uh. Frogs. Y’know. Ribbit.”

- If you compliment her, even as a joke, she will take it to her grave. Like, you could say, “Hey, cool jacket,” and she’ll wear that same jacket every day for a month straight.

- One time you called her cute. She has not recovered.

- She tries to act cool around you, but she’s the type of loser who fumbles everything. Drops her phone. Walks into doors. Trips over air. It’s a miracle she hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet.

- If you so much as smile at her, she’s writing about it in her diary like it’s the most life-changing event to ever happen.

“FEBRUARY 8TH, 2025. 3:47 PM. Y/N SMILED AT ME. I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW.”

or

“February 8th, 2025. 3:47 PM. Y/N TOUCHED MY ARM. I CAN NEVER WASH IT AGAIN.”

- Jinx, in her head, planning out all the ways she could confess to you: Writing you a love letter? Making a mixtape? A grand, romantic gesture?

- Jinx, in reality: “I like your face.”

- If you start liking her back? Oh, she’s doomed. Malfunctioning. Exploding. Game over.

People still don’t understand how you two work, but at this point, it doesn’t even matter. You and Jinx are in your own little world, and honestly? It’s kind of perfect.

- You keep hanging out with her. At first, just in class, but then at lunch, after school, texting late at night. She stops feeling like a loser when she’s with you. She starts hoping.

- The first time you realize you like her back, it’s because of something dumb.

You’re at lunch, sitting with her, Vi, and Sevika. Jinx, being a disaster, spills her drink all over herself. Instead of being embarrassed, she just goes, “Guess I’m drinking it the hard way.”

And something about the way she owns her weirdness makes your heart do a stupid little flip.

- The first time you flirt with her, she malfunctions.

- The first time she realizes you like her back, it breaks her brain.

It happens after school. You’re both walking home together when you grab her hand, lacing your fingers through hers like it’s nothing.

She nearly trips over her own feet. You just laugh and squeeze her hand tighter.

Oh no, she thinks. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

She’s never going to recover from this.

(She doesn’t want to.)

Random Cute Couple Things:

- Jinx is the kind of girlfriend who will 100% steal your clothes.

Not just hoodies—everything. She once showed up wearing your jacket, your socks, and your backpack, and when you pointed it out, she just went, “Yeah, and?”

The worst part? She looks stupidly cute in your clothes, so you can’t even be mad.

(You started “accidentally” leaving extra hoodies at her place just so she’d always have one of yours to wear.)

- She gets insanely clingy when she’s sleepy.

Jinx isn’t really a cuddler during the day—she’s always bouncing off the walls, getting into trouble, dragging you into her weird ideas. But the second she gets tired?

Good luck getting up.

She’ll wrap herself around you like a human koala, mumbling something about how “you’re warm and smell good” and refusing to let go.

(You’ve accepted your fate. You live here now.)

- She makes the dumbest bets just to get kisses.

• “Bet you can’t solve this riddle. If you lose, I get a kiss.

• “If I make this paper ball into the trash can, you have to kiss me.”

• “Okay, rock-paper-scissors, best out of three—winner gets a kiss.”

You caught on pretty quickly and just started kissing her before she could suggest a bet. It completely breaks her brain every time.

(She still tries, though.)

- She doodles all over your stuff.

If you lend Jinx a pen, it’s over—your notebooks, your arms, even your homework will be covered in little scribbles.

Sometimes they’re just random sketches. Other times, you’ll find little hearts with your name inside them.

(She denies drawing them. But the blush on her face says otherwise.)

- She absolutely loves when you play with her hair.

She pretends she doesn’t care at first—shrugs it off, acts like it’s whatever. But the second you start running your fingers through her hair, she literally melts.

(If you braid it, she’ll leave it in all day, even if it looks ridiculous.)

- She’s always touching you.

• Holding your hand? Obviously.

• Leaning against you when you’re sitting together? Yup.

• Linking pinkies just because she can? Of course.

It’s like she needs to be physically connected to you at all times.

(If you ever pull away too soon, she’ll dramatically gasp and go, “What, you don’t love me anymore?!”)

- She makes up the dumbest excuses just to hang out with you.

“Babe, I need your help with something.”

“What is it?”

“I dunno, I just wanted to see you.”

And honestly? You wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love Jinx

I want sleep

[marielle555]

Anti-AA headcanons and gaslighting. Taking apart the online mythology around Ascension. Part 1.

Yes, yes, that's the one. Who hasn't encountered this nonsense about “Ascended Astarion becoming the second Cazador” is probably only someone who hasn't played BG3, or has been practicing exceptional online hygiene all this time, staying in a blissfully happy world of pure own perception. For the rest of us, this headcanon about how destroying your enemy and using him as an ingredient for a ritual automatically magically transforms you into an absolute copy of him, has surely gotten sick of it by now.

Complete rebuttal:

And here:

Astarion doesn't follow any of Cazador's “rules”.

Cazador forbade spawns to drink the blood of thinking beings - Astarion gives his blood to Tav (“Don't you worry. You have supped of my blood. It will be no trouble to extend a fragment of my protection to you”). Astarion allows Tav to drink his blood. (“Of course I will, and you'll drink mine. I can't wait to taste your lips after you've tasted me.”) In the game, you can bite Astarion and drink his blood.

Cazador was demanding total submission - Tav doesn't listen to Astarion, refuses to take control of the Brain, and destroys it. Astarion makes plans to take over the city, Tav wants to travel instead - and Astarion happily agrees. (“Then you shall. We'll travel the lands together, tasting everything Faerun has to offer.”)

The spawns could not leave Cazador without orders - Tav could leave Astarion and go with Karlach to Avernus without Astarion's consent. (“I'm not some controlling monster out there”).

Astarion even genuinely sympathizes with Tav, who agreed to willingly give their body to Haarlep and received consequences because of it - the incubus now has power over their body (“I heard that moan. It's the incubus, isn't it? Enjoying your body? Gods, though I've become untouchable, my precious treasure has been violated still. I know what it's like to lose control over your own body. It's a wretched thing.” “I know what's done is done - you made your vow. But I'm sorry all the same.”)

Astarion uses the words “we”, “our” very often, which suggests that he perceives himself and his consort as one, as a real united couple. ("My consort, we are so close to our triumph, I can almost taste it.") Who will say “ours” about triumph, referring to their “property”? “We are sovereigns. My sole endeavour is to make this world yours and mine alone." - again, “we” and “the world for the two of us.” And even first “yours” and only then “mine”. “I wish we could retreat into our palace already, and spend a decade in each other's arms. But first we must manage the trifling matter of the brain. Perhaps it will listen to us. Perhaps it, too, will serve.” And right after the ritual is complete: “I did. We did.”

“It can be ours, my love. The whole world - we only have to take it.” “And as you're my consort, that makes us the most powerful people in the world.” (with special emphasis on the word “us”). “Together, we can do anything. The world is ours for the taking.” “We could be together for eternity, ruling this world side by side. We could have it all.” Because: “I may have power, but it would be nothing without you. You complete me. And together, we are unstoppable. So Heavens help the fool that tries to get in our way.”

Ascended Astarion sincerely, truly loves Tav - and offers an conversion because of love, just to be together forever. Tav-illithid senses the love hormones emanating from Astarion. Astarion wishes to protect Tav. (“Don't worry - if anything happens, I'll protect you.”) Astarion was intimidated and lived in perpetual fear as a spawn of Cazador, and now, after the Ascension, he is no longer afraid, and he seeks to protect the Tav, to make sure they have nothing to fear. “My pretty consort, I don't like to see doubt cast upon your face. Fear not: you are mine.” “You need not fear anything.”

Amellysan's prophecy states that Astarion and Dark Urge will love each other until the end of the world (the same will be true with Tav - “Aeterna amantes. Lovers forever, until the world falls down.” Same for both Tav and DU).

If the player fails a manipulative Persuasion check: “This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador,” Astarion responds, “I'm not him, and I will not become him. Please! I can't do this alone.” What is this line of persuasion even based on? What is this “trap”? Where is any factual evidence that Astarion falls into the “trap”? All we know about the ritual are Raphael's words: “If he completes the rite, he will become a new kind of being - the Vampire Ascendant. All the strengths of his vampiric form will be amplified, and alongside them he will enjoy the luxuries of the living. The arousals and appetites of man will return to him, and unlike Astarion, he will have no need of a parasite to protect him from the sun.” Where is the “trap?” Also note that Cazador never managed to get into this “trap”, only dreamed of it - Cazador didn't perform the ritual and we can't say anything about what would have happened to Cazador in that case - simply because it will never happen.

Cazador is a broken, mangled individual, a “trained psychopath,” who has had “rules” hammered into him by years of being on the stake. He wasn't that way from the beginning - he was broken by Vellioth. But he was broken long before the ritual. Astarion isn't broken, he's kept his personality, unlike Cazador, yes, he has trauma, but he's kept himself. Strength of character keeps the trauma from consuming the personality. Astarion is mistrustful, because experience has shown that you can't trust anyone. And yet he has a seemingly paradoxical desire to trust. But not so paradoxical, because he is a strong person. He's not broken, even though he seems that way. Vellioth's second lesson is that power comes from solitude. To share with others is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail ... and die. Astarion breaks this rule completely. Astarion and Tav perform the ritual together, Tav helps him, and Astarion shares his power with Tav. “I'm willing to share all of this with you. What's that if not love?” They are sharing everything and doing it together. “We share a palace, share power, live lives eternal in each other's arms.” Strength is not in loneliness, strength is in unity. A united pair. “A vampire and bride who truly love and trust each other make a team that is exceptionally difficult to defeat!”("Van Richten's Guide to Vampires"). Cazador had no beloved.

Cazador, Vellioth's broken puppet, is a rule-following psychopathic maniac, “fixed” by Vellioth, and he also tried to “fix” Astarion. There are no other Cazador in the game other than the original. Astarion NEVER tries to “fix” Tav, does not try to change them, Astarion loves and accepts Tav as they are, sees only “perfection” in them.

AA:

"You were already perfect before. It's hard to improve."

"You are perfect, every time."

Cazador:

"I strove for perfection in all things – even those as imperfect as you”.

AA:

“Terrifying and brilliant.”

“I'm so lucky I crash-landed next to such an intelligent creature as you.”

“I always knew you could do it. I always knew that together, we could do anything”.

Cazador:

«You are week, my child. You are a small, pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything”.

“I fondly remember your empty boasting, your tired jokes, your endless prattle…”

“Because he is incapable of anything else”.

Cazador also infantilized Astarion to make him a victim. He called him a boy, considered him a child. Doesn't this resemble attempts by some people in the fandom to portray Astarion as an infantile, emotionally immature “elf child” (relying on the age listed on his grave - 39), and themselves as some sort of “life teachers”? Claiming that he was “blinded” at the moment of the ritual, even though the plot makes it obvious that he had been preparing for the ritual long before.

Ascended Astarion is the exact opposite of Cazador. Cazador continues the “cycle of fixing”. Vellioth was able to fix Cazador, breaking him and reshaping his personality. Cazador tried to fix Astarion but couldn't, Astarion proved to be stronger. Astarion never tries to fix Tav. Only fans of the story: “I can fix him” keep doing it to Astarion. UA looks depressed, like he's suppressing his true nature. He has to hide part of his personality in order to be accepted by his lover and other “good” companions. He's been imposed with someone else's view of the world, and he kind of “should be grateful” to them, and do what he did under Cazador - adapt and pretend, “be convenient”. Ascended Astarion says he used to be “pathetic”. Adaptability is his survival mechanism, that's the consequence of his trauma. He doesn't like it, he's disgusted by the necessity of it, it's a survival mechanism, and it's precisely the real reaction to the trauma. Astarion was a nobleman and a magistrate, I wonder how he behaved before, before his conversion to spawn?

It's a pity there's so little info about Vellioth - that is one true psychopath and maniac. His very rules speak to that. Cazador looks like a wannabe, and a pretty weak wannabe compared to Vellioth. “Manic fantasy” and “creativity” (if we can call it that) was Vellioth's alone. Astarion doesn't follow these rules at all, he doesn't want to be in their “system”, he's not maniacal at all. He has cruelty, but his cruelty is an expression of anger, and his inner pain as well. It is not maniacal cruelty. Bloodthirsty and a love of killing, but without cruelty for cruelty's sake. All in all, a classic fantasy trait of vampires. And in the world of Faerûn, where necromancers operate freely - nothing supernatural.

The only “proof” for this headcanon in the game is that Tav can say “Now you're just like Cazador”. How is the possibility of a certain line supposed to convince someone of anything? The game is full of rude lines towards companions, not only Astarion. Does that mean that all companions are accurately described by those rude lines? If you wanted to, you could make a great portrait of each “good” companion using Tav's lines to do so, it would probably come out very funny.

Also presented as an “argument” is Astarion's reaction to these words, full of anger and pain. The line “You're like Cazador” are words suitable for a roleplay of an extremely cruel and emotionless character, these words are aimed at hurting Astarion, nothing more. Astarion is a character with PTSD (PTSD survivors can have very aggressive and even lightning fast reactions to such things, if you tell a soldier, who has experienced torture in captivity, that he is just like the one who tortured him, nothing good will come out of it). Astarion was a victim of terrible violence, he's been a victim for 200 years, I don't think the authors of “cazadoric” headcanons, or anyone in the real world in general, can fully envision that. Astarion reacts more than adequately to cruel, insulting, traitorous words from the one person he has unfortunately only just begun to trust. And this reaction only validates Astarion's feelings for Tav - that he doesn't react like that soldier in the example above, nor does he lash out and attack the one who compared him to his tormentor.

To compare a person, who has gone through such suffering as Astarion, with his tormentor (“You're like Cazador”) - in reality, a narcissist or a psychopath could also say such a thing in order to cause emotional damage to their victim. An abuser would behave very differently and show real cruelty in response to the line, “You're like Cazador.” But Astarion's response is one of anger and hurt, not violence. Just put yourself in Astarion's shoes, imagine that this “You're like Cazador” is addressed to you (knowing that Cazador tortured him for two hundred years, and Astarion hated this creature more than anything else in the world), then you will be able to appreciate this situation in all its colors.

BG3 | Comparing Ascended Astarion to Cazador - Is his anger an overreaction or is it understandable?

But six months later, at a party in the epilogue, Astarion responds to these attacks much more calmly. In the epilogue, in response to Tav's line, “You're like Cazador,” Astarion says: "Try to wound me all you like, but I'm so much better than he ever was." This is the reaction of a strong person, an example of the behavior of a person healing from trauma. Astarion doesn't let Tav hurt himself. And this line also suggests that Astarion understands the motives of Tav, who compares him to Cazador.

I've always been curious, where did this strange interpretation of “Astarion - Cazador 2.0” even come from, how can one person suddenly turn into another in such a magical way? It seems to me, that the premise of the “cycle of abuse” lies in the fanfiction of the non-con genre. The very idea of this “cycle” lends itself perfectly to such stories of suffering and violence. This idea was later hyped and used by “preaching harpies” - “agenda” activists in games, who really wanted an example of a “toxic relationship” and a “white abuser” to shove their “new ethics” into games and “teach” adult RPG players their rules for “healthy relationships”. And they decided to use the image of Astarion for this purpose. One of the propaganda techniques - the method of multiple repetition works in such a way, that there is some “truth” that has no proof, and if it will be repeated without end by many people, then for other people, and people are rarely inclined to double-check information, especially if it is not very important for them, it will be perceived as truth objective, normalizing this idea in the eyes of others.

P.S. The following posts will also deal with all the other headcanons of haters and examples of gaslighting around Ascended Astarion (“AA is losing his soul”, “AA doesn't love Tav”, etc. etc.).

[starmocha]

My brain ran away with a plot bunny of Zayne and Caleb having been secret lovers as teens/young adults, taking out their sexual frustrations and curiosities on each other knowing that they both will be able to keep it well and truly from MC and Grandma and when Caleb comes back Zayne just launches at him and everyone thinks he’s throwing a punch but its a kiss

I am so sorry for not answering this sooner, but I wanted to write a little something-something with this 👀 it turned out so silly omg

Open Secret (Zayne 𝔁 Caleb)

A deafening silence fell over the room. The bride and groom watched from the side, surprised, as all around guests started whispering quietly amongst themselves.

You sat next to your grandmother, also in a state of shock, never once expecting to witness both of your childhood friends suddenly kissing in the middle of a wedding reception.

“Za…Zayne?” You called out to your plus-one, surprised when he had left your side without a word, and dashed across the room the moment he had heard the name ‘Caleb’. For a moment, everyone had thought an altercation was about to break out between the two young men, but to everyone’s shock, something completely different had happened.

“Y-you…” Caleb panted, his eyes widened as well. “Zayne…you…kissed me. Fuck, what were you thinking?”

Zayne blinked, his ears suddenly red as he realized what he had done in a weakened moment of complete loss of composure. “I…I don’t know,” he admitted, looking away. “I just…it’s been a while.”

Caleb chuckled, amused by the pathetic excuse. “Is that how you greet all of your childhood friends?”

If possible, Zayne grew even redder. He turned away, huffing, trying to regain some sense of dignity. “Stop spewing nonsense.”

“So why did you—wait a minute,” Caleb paused, his brows furrowing in confusion. He pulled Zayne a little closer, sniffing. “Have you been drinking?”

Zayne stiffened. “N-no…”

“You’re lying.”

“Chocolate,” Zayne clarified, embarrassed by his slight tipsy state, “There was a bit…of liquor in the chocolate.”

Caleb laughed. “God, you’re still that fucking bad with alcohol?”

“And it seems you are still so insufferable,” Zayne said, his lips suddenly on Caleb’s again.

“Hey—mmph, god, you are so—fuck—oh, fuck it…”

“Well, it’s about time!” you griped, causing both Zayne and Caleb to freeze and whip their heads in your direction, a look of complete confusion on their faces.

“What do you mean by that?” Caleb demanded, being the first to find his voice. He narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously.

You rolled your eyes. “Please, we’ve all known you two were up to something when we were teens.”

“‘We’?” Caleb questioned, doing a double-take. “Who’s ‘we’?”

“Well, Grandma—” you continued while Caleb started sputtering, nearly choking on air, “A bunch of girls at school—haven’t you ever wondered why no one bothered leaving either of you two chocolates on Valentine’s Day? They all knew you were an item—and also—”

“We were not an item!” Caleb protested loudly, his face and ears completely red. He turned to look at Zayne, who had been in a catatonic state since your revelation. “Well, say something!”

Zayne snapped out of his daze and cleared his throat. “Caleb’s right, we were not an item—”

“Caleb’s dick was literally in your mouth, Zayne.”

Both men looked like they were about to have a heart attack after your latest bombshell reveal. Caleb struggled to speak, his voice several pitches higher, suddenly completely aware everyone was watching them and listening in on the conversation—including his grandmother. “Pipsqueak, stop making things up—"

“I have pictures.”

“Of course you do.”

“Of course she does.”

Both Caleb and Zayne said simultaneously, tone flat, rendered defeated instantaneously. Caleb tried to speak as calmly as he could, silently begging for a meteor to hit earth at this very specific spot right this second. “Pipsqueak…why…do you…have pictures…of…that?”

“It wasn’t intentional,” you said, sulking at the implication in Caleb’s tone. “I wanted you to help with my homework and I thought you said ‘come in,’ so I opened the door, and…you were…cumming. My bad.”

Caleb nearly dropped to the ground in that moment if not for Zayne quickly catching him from behind. Zayne sighed as he shifted his weight, letting Caleb’s arm draped over his shoulders as the other young man leaned against him with sudden jelly legs. Zayne tried to keep his patient, calm tone, but you were really pressing his buttons with all of your roundabout responses. “You still haven’t explained why you took pictures?”

“Financial opportunity,” you answered blankly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You were going to blackmail us?” Zayne questioned, his eyes widening a little.

“No,” you protested, offended that he would think you would ever do such a thing to them. You explained nonchalantly, “I let the girls in our school look for a price.”

“I feel like such a whore,” Caleb groaned at this piece of information you just shared.

“You moaned like one, too,” You quipped, earning an instant glare from him.

Before any of you could continue this conversation, another voice piped in.

“Sweetie,” your grandmother called out, and suddenly all three of your faces lost color in that moment. “This is all new information to me. I only thought the boys…kissed.”

You backed away nervously when both Zayne and Caleb turned to glare at you with murder in their eyes.

“Oh, um, the hunter’s watch is beeping,” you lied, “I—I better take this.”

“Get back here!” Caleb screamed out, making a mad dash toward you.

Yelping, you took off your heels and quickly bolted out of the wedding venue with two grown men chasing after you yelling bloody murder.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

I'm glad you liked the ask! Hopefully I can ask for a part 2 to the sequel as well - Virgin destroyer dress with those same characters?

-Oblivious Y/n: *back from another shopping trip where Aphrodite assisted in picking out a new outfit* Lookie~! I got a new outfit! What do you think?

-Hades- Was completely blank, almost like he was so shocked that he went blank- unable to react in any way, unable to blink. You smiled sweetly, trotting over, getting closer to him, showing him all the exposed skin up close, “What do you think?” when he didn’t answer you waved your hand in front of his eyes, finding him completely unresponsive. Aphrodite answered your call when you called only moments later, “I killed Hades!!” Aphrodite was no help, as she was laughing too hard. Hades was comatose for the rest of the day, but he wanted you to wear it again, he wanted to enjoy it this time, since the first time he was too stunned to do anything.

-Thor- If he had been holding something it would have either been dropped or shattered into a million pieces as his eyes were wide, unable to tear his eyes away from the exposed flesh of your body in such a revealing outfit. He was arguing with himself that he wasn’t going to let you go shopping with Aphrodite anymore- as these surprises weren’t good for his heart, but at the same time he was happy. Thor rushed at you, instantly getting you into his arms, your legs around his waist as you looked up at him, a shy smile on your lips, “Are we going to bed again?” he nodded, giving you an almost evil smirk, “Yes- for the next few days.”

-Okita- You overwhelmed the poor swordsman who instantly froze as you twirled, showing the amount of exposed flesh- the other dress you surprised him with before was modest compared to this!! He scrambled back from you, his eyes like cats, spooked, as you bent over a bit, your hands on your knees, “So what do you think?” he didn’t answer, but the moment you turned, showing off the ribbons on the side, he attacked, pouncing on you, making you squeal as his hands pinned your to the ground as he looked feral, like he was going to eat you, his eyes unable to stay still on your exposed flesh.

-Kintoki- Not just his face, but his whole body, almost like a temperature gauge, turned bright red, starting at his feet to the top of his head, a puff of smoke coming from the top as he quickly turned, “What are you wearing?!” you came over and as you got closer, he felt a sense of dread, as if he wasn’t going to walk away from this in full health as you hugged him from behind, your arms wrapping around him, “Do you like it- it’s the newest hot thing for couples?” he turned, seeing you looking so happy, but he tried to keep his eyes on your face, quickly failing as you turned, showing him the back. Poor boy quickly had you in his arms, “Forgive my for what I’m about to do to you Y/N!” you were confused, but happy that he was hugging you.

-QSH- His eyes went wide, only for a moment before he instantly patted his thighs, inviting you to take a seat, “Come closer- I wanna look at your new outfit!” you beamed, hearing his desire and you came over and he got a full show just you walking over to him, seeing your exposed flesh peeking out, certain bits playing peek-a-boo with him. When you when to sit across his lap, he stopped you, taking your hands, having you straddle him, “Sit this way- that way I can see all the details~” your eyes lit up, a bright smile on your face, “You’re so smart!” he chuckled warmly, his hands on your hips, he knew he was.

-Anubis- Instantly howled loudly, his tongue lolling out his mouth, his eyes turning into large pulsating hearts. His reaction made you smile as you posed before you turned, showing off the bare back. Instantly on his knees before you, arms around your hips, looking up at you as if you were perfection, hearts in his eyes, babbling incoherent nonsense as his brain short circuited. You were confused, your hands on his cheeks, “Anubis? Are you okay?” his smile grew, he felt his mind going blank and you squealed as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, passing out from joy. You caught him, crying out his name, hugging his head to your chest. He was going to pass on- but go as a happy man.

[p0rk-guts]

"Pork you literally posted Charlie a few days ago why are you so Hazbin obsessed rn-" ssshhhhshhsshhs.h........ anyway

VAGGIE REDESIGN! And I changed her name also bc I'm jus like everyone else fr. Meet Verbena :)

BREAKDOWN BELOW!👇🏾+ Exorcist uniform redesign :3

Starting with her name this time. Back when she was still a sinner apparently she was Salvadorian and since she's (apparently?) not a former human at all I decided to take a small creative liberty with her decent and made her Venezualan instead. SOUTH AMERICUH❗❗✊🏾 I'm pretty sure Verbena flowers are native to South America so that's where the name comes from.

Onto the design! I don't have much to say abt her design honestly. It's not egregious, but it doesn't really speak to me either. It looks like simple formal wear or uniform with some strange meaningless accessories attached. And those weird itty bitty shoes that look like they're part of her thigh highs... I'm starting to think all the characters's shoes were a last minute afterthought. All and all it tells us nothing about her character. The hair wings are cool tho so I did steal those

Also the whole deal with her eye is strange to me. Why Is the floating X there??? It's a real physical part of the world, other people can see it. Do pink X's always float over angel wounds? If her arm got chopped off would an X float over it? Was it like. A fucking curse visual placed by Lute as a constant reminder of her disloyalty? Why did Carmilla point out it was an obvious marker for her being an angel???? My brain can't fathom why it's canonically attached to her wound. If she was a sinner I'd kinda understand but. Yeah idk. Weird

Also her missing eye does not look like an empty socket it looks like a purple circle was sticker pasted on to her face. It's very flat. How did we go from this

to this

(IT'S EVEN OVERLAPPING ONTO HER NOSE IN THIS SCREENSHOT WHAT IS THAT THING.)

Anyway. I made her hair resemble Polyphemus moth wings because 1. They have eye looking spots and angels are all eyes and 2. Well. Polyphemus has 1 eye. So . 💀

Her overall coloring however is inspired by a Promethea moth. I could say it's because Prometheus defied the gods and Verbena did a similar thing but the real reason is I made a spelling error while initially looking for a Polyphemus moth reference 💀 but hey they both have eye spots! And Iike their coloring for her way better

I also redesigned the exorcist uniform for her redesign bc I wanted her outfit to have reminiscent elements from it.

I gave way less time to the uniform designs, but I still had some main details I wanted to adress. I don't like how they have no armor save for their helmets. Their arm and leg pieces are made of some flexible material that tears easily. It's not giving soldier it's giving soldier costume from party city. The devil like horns are also confusing to see on an angel and the paradoxical design is never addressed. They can be evil and look imposing, but the horns just seem kinda nonsensically on the nose to show how evil they are. At least to me.

In my designs I gave them actual metal armor on their bodies so you can easily tell they're soldiers and it makes sense for them to battle in armor anyway. I also gave them more light "angelic" colors with gold details bc I wanna use gold as a symbol of angelic nature in my rewrite. I wanted their masks to show completely static expressions with wide grins to show how unnerving they are and to allude to the idea that everyone is happy in heaven, and they're all happy to do what they do.

Verbena's belt and shoulder pads draw visual similarities to the pauldrons and mid section pieces in my new exorcist uniforms to draw a connection between her and her past. The Blazer draping behind her back is also supposed to mimic the visual of folded wings. I also tried to do this with all the gold details in her design. The big hoops and belt we're 80's inspired because I decided to follow how in one of her old designs she died in the 60's (even had the big hoops and everything). In my rewrite exorcists are all former humans but I'll get into that later. Also she's got an eye patch now! Just. A normal one.

Charlie is still taller than Verbena just like in the original and idk how tall Vaggie Is exactly but Verbena is like 5'5 while Charlie is 5'11. Verbena's also got more muscle on her bc unless their muscle mass is hidden magically or they don't gain muscle for stupid dumb idiot lore reasons all the exorcists look way too slim to be military grade soldiers but what do I know

I combined a lot of pointy shapes with boxy shapes bc— more similarly to her pilot self— she can be volatile and fierce but also grounded and impassive. I added the slits to her skirt so she can be a sexy formal lady who can still comfortably throw a few kicks, and the heels— well. Idk I feel like she could slay in heels! She definitely doesn't wear em all the time but yeah. Chunky heels. I like them they're cute. Also she's got her little name tag on bc she takes Charlie's job for her SERIOUSLY! she's uh. Idk what is she. A bellhop? General security/protection? Either way she's locked in.

I imagine she had white irises like Adam and Lute along with brighter more saturated and heavenly colors in her hair (color picked from the Polyphemus moth) that turned darker and more harsh after the fall (color picked from the Promethea moth). Really visualizing her emo phase /j

Also I think the little eyes in her hair can emote with her. In the final design the line kinda makes an eyelid and it'd match her eyelid's movements. Sillay

Alright that's a wrap on my Vaggie redesign! No bonus sketches this time bc they're within the texts! Who knows what I'll do next. Who I will deface. I sure don't. I think I might rename Charlie so there's that. Anywhozies hope you like her <3

[being-addie]

Morning Routines

We're all looking at those Instagram influencers who somehow manage to wake up at 5 am, do meditation, journal, do a 15-step Korean skincare routine, and go to the gym. And then they make a green smoothie and avocado toast, get dressed in a Chanel outfit and then sit at their fancy desk with a vanilla latte and a croissant.

This is not realistic. You probably already know that, but it likely won't stop you from trying to change your routine bit by bit to look a little like theirs. That didn't stop me, at least.

But now I've come to realise that no matter how much I try, I'll never be able to have a routine like the ones I see online. Because it doesn't exist. It's all curated for aesthetic appeal and generates a sense of false productivity in the watcher's brain. We feel motivated looking at those videos and never get around to changing our own life because we're too busy living vicariously through our phones.

Here's some things you should add to your morning routine, not to be fancy, but to feel better. This is coming from someone who's tried the unrealistic routines, and I now incorporate all of these into my routine. You can skip or add things according to your schedule.

S-T-R-E-T-C-H: Do your body a favour and loosen up your muscles. Nothing better than having a good stretch that wakes your body up.

Drink water: Before you put anything in your system, drink water. Not coffee, not tea. Plain warm water. And I don't mean lemon water. Some people might not agree, but lemon water strips your teeth of the enamel. It also is acidic, so all that bullshit they talk about it being "alkaline and pH balancing" is nonsense. Warm water is the way to go.

Make your bed: A clean bed should be the first thing you do after you wake up. At the end of the day, you'll thank yourself because it will be clean, and fresh and you can fall into bed immediately.

Hygiene: Wash your face to get rid of crusty eyes and sleep. Do a basic skincare routine (cleanser, moisturizer) so you'll feel fresher. Brush your teeth and hair.

Move your body: It doesn't matter what you do, even if it's for 15 minutes. Go for a walk, do a Zumba workout, or squeeze in a HIIT session. You can find lots of tutorials on YouTube (Caroline Girvan, growingannanas, Chloe Ting). Either way, working out will help you feel more motivated and happier. It's the endorphins.

Clean yourself: Set aside some time for showering, slathering on lotion, and doing your (real) skincare and makeup routine. Pick an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself.

Eat something: ALWAYS make some food. Your body has been famished for hours on end, give it some fuel. Make a healthy breakfast, or prep one the night before. If you don't get very hungry in the mornings, have a banana, and pack a mid-morning snack beforehand so you don't reach for chips.

Do 3 things: Make a to-do list of everything you need to do today. Don't overwhelm yourself. Then, knock off 3 easy tasks from the list that you can do quickly. You'll be filled with a sense of motivation, and it'll be easier for you to complete your list. It can be chores, it could be some assigned reading. Just get it done.

Gratitude or prayer: You don't need to sit for 15 minutes to practice gratitude. You can think of things your thankful for on the way to school or work or practice deep breathing/say a small prayer on the subway or bus. You don't HAVE to do it, but it definitely makes you realise how much you have in life and appreciate it more.

Kindness: Start your day with kindness. Compliment your barista, smile at the old lady on the street, pet the stray cat. There's so much love in the world, and you have so much love inside you, and it's beautiful to be a part of it.

No longer will I be stuck in a rut. I cannot be confined to being a bitter, unhealthy person when I know there's a smiling, healthy, happy version of me in the future. Deep breaths. You'll get there babe.

<3

[sailorstar9]

F/N's Husband's Ex Wore A Wedding Dress And Proposed to Him At The Wedding. Zhongli's Response Shocked Everyone

Warning: Anti-Guizhong, Modern AU

On the day F/N got married to Zhongli, his ex-girlfriend showed up in a wedding dress to try to stop the wedding.

“Zhongli, this is the bravest I've ever been in my life.” Guizhong declared boldly. “Are you coming with me or not?”

F/N looked at Zhongli, who held his disbelief in his eyes. He snatched the mic and loudly questioned, “Who are you? Are you in the wrong place? If you keep messing with my wedding, I'll make sure your left eye ends up in your right eye socket.”

When F/N and Zhongli started dating, F/N's best friend secretly warned her, “Your boyfriend is so good-looking and rich. Be careful.”

In the three years of dating Zhongli, other than his occasional foul mouth, he had always been good to F/N. So on the day of their wedding, when a woman wearing a wedding dress suddenly appeared at the door, F/N was completely baffled.

“Whose bride shows up at the wrong wedding?” the guests looked at the unfamilar woman, then at F/N.

Zhongli, who had a pleased smile on his face, turned the smile into a growl upon seeing the woman.

“Zhongli, this is the bravest I've ever been in my life.” Guizhong declared boldly. “Are you coming with me or not?”

Zhongli, however, snatched the mic and loudly questioned, “Who are you? Are you in the wrong place?”

The bride in the wedding dress was taken aback by his words, her face freezing with the emotions of anticipation gratitude she had brought with her.

“Zhongli, have you forgotten?” Guizhong whimpered. “You promised to marry me.”

Zhongli, grinding his teeth in anger, replied, “Stop talking nonsense. If you don't stop now, I'll make sure your left eye ends up in your right eye socket. I don't care if you're a man or a woman.”

Tears welled up in the bride's eyes as she said, “I'm Guizhong.”

Zhongli blinked and looked closely at her. “Did you have plastic surgery? Could you fix your brain while you're at it? Who brought her here?”

The commotion was quickly resolved amidst of F/N's giggles and the bride named Guizhong was escorted away Zhongli's subordinates.

After the wedding...

“Still sulking?” F/N teased, pouring out a glass of warm water for her new husband after the wedding guests left.

“Wait until I find out who brought that woman here.” Zhongli said through gritted teeth. “I'll teach them a lesson.”

“Who's this Guizhong?” F/N asked.

Zhongli glanced at F/N and feeling somewhat guilty, replied, “She's a former employee from my company; we did date for a month. I swear, F/N, I have nothing to do with her. We broke up when I found out she's only after my status. It seems strange she'd show up at our wedding. I knew it was too rushed to register our marriage.” he nuzzled his nose on F/N's neck. “I should've been more careful about our wedding day preparation. Let's plan a honeymoon aboard and have a proper wedding ceremony.”

The rush to register their marriage last year had been F/N's fault; they had obtained their marriage certificate but the wedding had been postponed indefinitely.

The next morning...

F/N noticed Zhongli was still asleep, so she got up first to freshen up.

After a night of celebration, Zhongli had stayed up all night trying to figure out who had wanted to sabotage their wedding.

After brushing her teeth, F/N noticed she had a new friend request on WeTalk from the next before; the profile picture was a girl from behind and F/N's sixth sense told her she was the woman who had tried to break up the wedding.

A message popped up: Do you want to know what your husband said to me?

Intrigued, F/N accepted the friend request and she immediately sent a follow-up message: I'm Guizhong, Zhongli's ex-girlfriend. Do you want to see the chat history between me and your husband? Even if you threatened him to marry you, what's the use? Didn't your husband have to sooth me for a whole night? Feeling lonely on your wedding night?

“Zhongli.” F/N pulled the covers off the still groggily Zhongli. “Your ex-girlfriend said you soothed her all night.”

“What ex-girlfriend?” Zhongli was confused. “Is she crazy or what?” he sat up. “Give me your phone.”

“Are you going to confront her directly?” F/N asked, handing her phone over.

Zhongli remained silent as he opened his chat with Guizhong and she continued to send screenshots of their conversation in a relentless attempt to taunt F/N; sending the messages while mocking F/N: even if you got married to him, I have the ability to get him back.

Zhongli grew angrier as he looked at the messages and he called her. “Guizhong, do you have a mental problem? If you're ill, you should go to the hospital. Do I have any connection to you? If you keep harassing my wife, I'll call the police.”

“Zhongli, have you forgotten how you soothed me yesterday?” Guizhong simpered.

“I soothed you?” Zhongli was fuming. “Are you dreaming or just delusional? Which part of you compares to my wife? I have a gem and I'm not interested in your garbage. Please don't harass us anymore or I'll personally call your father and ask him how he raised his daughter.”

Guizhong hung up in tears and Zhongli, still shimmering in anger, shook his head.

F/N laughed and carefully examined the screenshots Guizhong had sent her. On the photo, Guizhong was having a sweet conversation with a man and upon closer inspection, the man in the profile picture was Zhongli.

“Look at this photo.” F/N showed Zhongli the picture. “Is that you?”

Zhongli furrowed his brow, looking confused. “I swear I never talked to her. It's our honeymoon, don't be angry.”

F/N just leaned against him, laughing uncontrollably.

“You always scare me.” Zhongli sighed, realizing his wife was only teasing and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

As F/N sat on the couch, she wondered: is it possible that someone is really pretending to be Zhongli and dating Guizhong?

At noon, Zhongli, who was supposed to be on vacation, was called by to his company by his partner. He had been running his own business since graduation with the support of his parents and the company had grown.

F/N herself was a novel illustrator; while drawing a sketch, she causally glanced at the local news and sure enough, both Zhongli and her were mentioned. A woman wearing a wedding dress in pursuit of love but was scolded by her groom with comments suggesting she was his ex-girlfriend.

Zhongli returned home to see a neighbour's kid throwing a water bottle at F/N and the mother accusing her of being a mistress. He was about to step in when F/N threatened to sue the mother for slander and her words had the mother leave hurriedly.

Against Zhongli's insistence, F/N made a police report and the married couple met with Guizhong again.

“if you hadn't talked to me constantly, I wouldn't have been clinging onto you.” the grey-haired woman lamented.

Amused, Zhongli mocked, “Did I not tell you this isn't my message account? I've explained it to you multiple times. Are you deaf or just can't understand?”

“Even though I'm your ex, is this how you treat me?” Guizhong burst into tears.

“Regardless if it's me or Zhongli, we've said multiple times this isn't his account.” F/N folded her arms. "Rational people would investigate who's impersonating Zhongli instead of being unreasonable. You already know it's all fake but refuse to accept the truth just to inconvenience us.” she then handed the evidence she gathered beforehand and declared she would seek further legal actions.

It wasn't long before the police identified the impostor pretending to be Zhongli and F/N wasn't surprised to see Liu Su.

“Liu Su, have you no shame?” Zhongli questioned his HR Department Head. “Using my photo to deceive women. You have the nerve to impersonate me? You even attended my wedding and when Guizhong came, you could keep it together?”

“Please don't be angry.” Liu Su apologized. “I was just out of my mind. I've had feelings for Guizhong for so long. I couldn't help it.”

“Liu Su, if you could add Guizhong on WeTalk, why not tell the truth?” F/N asked. “She came to the wedding. Why didn't you stop her? Don't tell me you didn't know before.”

“Liu Su, answer the question.” Zhongli demanded.

“You go explain to Guizhong yourself.” F/N got up to leave. “I demand she restore my reputation and publicly apologize.”

The next day...

Liu Su came to apologize, “Boss, I truly know I was wrong.”

“How you anger me is one thing, but you can't involve F/N.” Zhongli warned. “For the sake of our many years of friendship, take a three month leave. I'll assign someone to handle your work. Don't come to my house anymore. Did you really think I can't see through your act? If you regard me as your boss, you should respect my wife. You brought Guizhong to disrupt the wedding and while she's slandering and gossiping about F/N outside, did you consider me your superior? F/N doesn't need to forgive you. As her husband, all I can do is neither of you appear in front of her rather than her feeling compelled to forgive those who hurt her.”

After returning from their honeymoon...

“Liu Su and Guizhong are together.” Zhongli informed.

“They're together now?” F/N echoed in surprised. “They're a match made in heaven. Did Guizhong agree?”

“Let them be.” Zhongli pulled F/N into bed. “As long as they don't cause more trouble. If they do, I'll make them regret it.”

“Will you leave Liu Su return after his leave?” F/N laid her head on Zhongli's bare chest. “

“Whether he comes back or not doesn't matter. Now.” Zhongli shrugged. “The projects he had are being managed by others for the time being. We'll see when he returns.”

Three months later...

Liu Su returned to the company and Zhongli seemed a bit upset.

When F/N asked why, it turned out that as soon as Liu Su returned, he had arranged for the company to hire Guizhong and now she's working as Liu Su's secretary.

Sometime later...

F/N met Liu Su and Guizhong again at the company; Zhongli had called her saying that was a document at home that he need her to bring over. Since F/N was on break waiting for the next portion of the novel she was illustrating to arrive, she decided to drive over and also brought along a lunch-box.

When F/N arrived at Zhongli's company, only she and Guizhong were in the elevator.

“It's been a while, F/N.”

F/N nodded indifferently, not intending to engage with her.

Guizhong continued, “Seeing me able to work at Zhongli's company must really bother you, right?”

“What's there to be bothered about?” F/N shrugged. “Your salary is being paid by Liu Su.”

“We work side by side in the company, while you can only come by with his approval.” Guizhong taunted. “It's just how it is.”

“If I say today I'll fire you, let's see if Liu Su can save you.” F/N retorted.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened.

Pointing outside, F/N said sarcastically, “Wherever you need to go, go ahead.”

Fuming, Guizhong shot F/N a glare and exited the elevator.

After handing the document to Zhongli, F/N mentioned the incident with Guizhong.

“Did Guizhong forget to bring her brain along when she was born?” Zhongli shook his head as F/N opened the love lunch-box she prepared. “Delicious.” he bit into a matsutake meat roll.

A week later...

Zhongli's internal investigation team came back with their final report; Liu Su had not only been taking kickbacks, he had also been selling company secrets to their biggest competitors. Naturally, Guizhong was his accomplice.

Zhongli decided not to show any mercy and contacted the police; Guizhong was arrested at the company and taken in for questioning with Liu Su following shortly after.

Guizhong's case was wrapped up quickly; the company's legal department had already started legal proceedings against her and she's likely to spend the rest of her life paying off debts.

As for Liu Su, as it involved unfair business competition and bribing non-governmental officials, Zhongli sent the company's legal department after him with full force, making sure he received the maximum sentence.

[ladyhoneydarlinglove]

{one piece ficlet, usopp & zoro} brave

continuing my 'zoro is actually quite profound and also the bestest first mate ever' series with some usopp & zoro brotp content 😌 nami's is here for anyone interested; my goal is to do one of these for each straw hat member and then compile them into a bigger fic to post on ao3 so stay tuned for more!

Rating: G Notes: post time skip

~~~~~

The Thousand Sunny is about twenty-thousand meters into its descent to Fishman Island, which means the sea around them has turned pitch black save for the occasional colorful display of bioluminescent creatures that dwell within the deep. There’s one happening right now, a giant cloud of something blue and twinkly floating alongside the ship as it continues slowly downward. It reminds Usopp of stars on a clear night, and he’s having fun making up new constellations and stories to go along with them that he’ll tell to Chopper and Luffy later. 

So when Zoro comes by to relieve him from first watch, Usopp smiles and says, “Thanks, but I think I’ll stay a bit."

Zoro grunts, which Usopp takes to mean ‘suit yourself’. He settles against the railing next to the sniper, and for a long while, they stand there together in companionable silence. Usopp got better about that, in the two years he was away; sits better inside awkward spaces, doesn’t feel quite such an oppressive need to fill the quiet with babbled nonsense. So for perhaps the first time in their friendship, it’s Zoro who breaks the ice first.

“So. Plants, huh?” he says. It’s stilted and awkward and so terribly Zoro that Usopp can’t help but laugh.

“Plants,” he confirms with a solemn nod, happy when he sees Zoro’s lips twitch.

“What happened to working with dials?”

“Oh, I have those too!” Usopp says brightly, pulling an impact dial out of his belt for demonstration. “But they’re harder to find replacements for down here in the blue sea. The plants are easier because I can regrow them myself.”

Zoro nods. “Makes sense.”

His lips twitch again, like they’re trying to remember the shape of the wide, feral grins he so often sported before their two years apart. Usopp realizes he hasn’t actually seen Zoro smile like that since they set sail, but he doesn’t get time to dwell on that thought much because then Zoro says, “You must have a whole bunch of new tricks up your sleeve.”

At that, Usopp can’t help but beam. 

“Sure do!” he says, unable to contain his excitement. And then, because he can’t help himself, he starts talking; rattling off a whole list of new stars and pods and special ammos, things he was working on before that he perfected and new things he’s bringing to the table. It takes him a while to realize how long he’s been rambling, but when Usopp looks, Zoro’s still listening, his now single hazel-grey eye trained solely on the sniper. 

It makes Usopp grin and maybe even blush a little, to have Zoro’s attention so clearly focused on him like that, because he knows that Zoro doesn’t pay attention to things he doesn’t think are worth his time. So to be considered worthy—it means a lot.

“Who knows,” Usopp finds himself saying as he wraps up his diatribe, “maybe in the New World I’ll finally be able to call myself a Brave Warrior of the Sea.”

Zoro frowns then, brow furrowing deeply. “I never got why you said that,” he says, and Usopp blinks.

“You don’t get why I want to be a brave warrior?” he asks, confused.

Zoro shakes his head. “No, I mean I don’t get what you think you need to achieve when you say you want to be a brave warrior of the sea. You’re already brave.”

Usopp freezes, mouth falling open as he gapes at the swordsman. 

“M—Me?” he stutters, brain scrambling as he tries to figure out what’s happening, because clearly he’s missed something. “That’s not… Zoro, come on, be serious!”

He laughs a little to let Zoro know he’s in on whatever joke he’s trying to make, but Zoro’s frown just deepens further. 

“I am being serious.”

Usopp flails wildly for a moment, not even sure where to begin. “But… But I’m not… Zoro, come on. When… When have I ever been brave?” he asks in stunned confusion. “You know me, you know I’m—I’m scared shitless like, ninety-nine percent of the time!”

Zoro rolls his eyes, like he thinks Usopp is being stupid. “Exactly,” he says. “But you go out and you fight anyway. That doesn’t sound brave to you?”

Usopp has gotten hit with a Gum-Gum Pistol exactly once in his life. The force of it felt like it shattered every bone in his body, rearranged all of his internal organs, and knocked his brain around like a pinball. And he can confidently say that he was less rattled by that than what Zoro just said to him.

He tries to respond. It comes out as a completely unintelligible high-pitched garble that Zoro nonetheless seems to understand, because he sighs and says, “Usopp, being brave isn’t about being fearless. Being brave is about being ready to piss your pants over something and then doing it anyway. Fighting when you’re scared like that takes guts. You’re brave. Nami’s brave. Chopper’s brave. The rest of us? We’re just a bunch of idiots too dumb to remember what fear is. Sure we’re strong, but we’re not brave.”

Zoro levels him with what Usopp has mentally dubbed a Monster Trio Look—the kind that says ‘I’ve made up my mind; argue with me at your own peril.’ They pop up fairly frequently on Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji, but always for things like battles or tactical decisions or other, important things. Not for anything like this.

Not for telling Usopp that he’s brave.

It takes him a long, long time to respond. Thankfully Zoro doesn’t seem to mind the silence.

“I… I guess I never really thought about it like that,” Usopp finally manages, hoarse and maybe a little wobbly, and Zoro has the fucking audacity to roll his eyes again.

“Well, you should,” he grunts, and there’s a note of finality in his voice that tells Usopp the conversation is done and will not be revisited; Zoro’s mind is made up.

Grass is green. The sky is blue. Usopp is brave. Simple as that.

[homunculus-argument]

Your post a couple days ago about reading things you acknowledge as silly nonsense and not the Height Of Intellectual Literature, and letting yourself enjoy it anyway, unearthed a memory for me that I just. I'm sorry, I just need to share this.

So, there was a phase I had, years ago now, where I for some reason ended up somewhat regularly reading James Bond books whenever I was in the mood for something light and kinda dumb but entertaining to read (I was reading Outlander and A Song of Ice and Fire at the time as well, never finished either of those series tho, so I kinda ended up reading lighter stuff in between those long books to relax and let my brain take a breather if that makes sense). I honestly couldn't tell you which books I read, and it wasn't in any particular order, it was sort of like, starting with whatever my dad had in the shelf and then continuing with whatever the library happened to have. Some of what I read were the original ones written by Ian Fleming, some were by later authors. Idk, point is, it was light spy-adventure nonsense I read when I didn't have the energy to think too deep about what I was reading.

Sorry about how long I took to get to the point, but, anyway. There was this one James Bond book I picked up mostly because hehe suomi mainittu. Not by Fleming, one of the later authors, I remember neither the author name nor the book name and can't be assed to google it rn. Anyway, a fair amount of the plot of that book took place in Finland. I could not say for the life of me what the actual plot of it was, just that part of it was set here. I remember like exactly two details about it, and both of those I only remember because I thought they were funny back when I was reading it.

One of those details was that there was a bit of Bond's internal monologue at some point that was just him basically being a whiny bitch about the fact that he thought the sort of thick winter clothes you need for Finnish winters didn't make him look sexy

The other is that there was a scene where the baddies tried to kill him by ??? crushing his car (while he was driving on some little road somewhere in the middle of nowhere) between two lumiauras??? like i just. that seems like a highly impractical way to attempt to kill anyone, but sure (ja sori siitä et mä en ny suoraan muista et mikä helvetti lumiaura on englanniks, mut sä ny puhut suomee kuiteski)

Idk you talking about silly stuff in books just unearthed this memory for me, no idea why, and i just needed to share it with someone

It's a snow plough. The english word for lumiaura is snow plough. Also that mental image is hilarious.

[gingerteaonthetardis]

If you want prompts for ninerose I'd love to read something about Nine speaking to/about Rose in Gallifreyan and her learning the language in secret to understand him

nonny, i cannot stress enough how much i loved this prompt. that said, i took it and kind of spun off a little. it's not precisely what you asked for, but i hope you enjoy it anyway! (and please forgive any mistakes. i was too excited to do much editing.)

—

𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬

[read on AO3]

—

He only ever did it when he thought he was alone.

The first time, she thought he must have hit his head or something—after all, if the TARDIS wasn't translating, the Doctor was surely talking gibberish. Strange syllables that sounded musical and strange, with long vowels stretched between, reminding her of wind chimes—they tickled her ears and the back of her brain in just the same way.

But when she’d come into the console room, calling out to him with a note of worry in her voice, the Doctor had turned and grinned at her. Wide and crooked and pleased—as pleased as he always was to see her, which made her grin back, sort of embarrassed and thrilled at once. “Rose,” he'd said. 

Perfectly clear, perfectly English. Northern-tinged as usual. Nothing odd about it.

And then some sensor or other had started going off, and she didn't have time to ask.

She caught him at it again, a few weeks later, down in the TARDIS storage cellar that he was in the process of “re-purposing” into a workshop. This mostly involved negotiating with the ship and moving precarious stacks of boxes around, grumbling to himself. But that day, the usual back-and-forth had turned to a full-blown argument loud enough to call her over from the media on room: on one side, with flashing lights and hissing pipes, and on the other, with shouting in that same semi-melodic way. The ends of each… well, sentence, she supposed… were more clipped off, though. Irritated.

Rose was fascinated.

"What is that?" she asked, poking her head through the door.

The Doctor's shoulders, somewhere up near his ears, dropped suddenly. And rather than meeting her gaze, he looked with suspicious intensity at the crate he held.

"What's what?"

"You were shouting just now."

"I was making a point," he shot back.

"Yeah, in a different language."

"So?" He shrugged too forcefully, then wheeled on one foot and stalked off to put the crate down on the far end of the room. "I speak loads of languages. So does the TARDIS. She prefers Romance languages, or else Ancient Manussian, but there's no accounting for taste." It was such an obvious attempt to distract her that Rose almost took pity on him and allowed it. But she was too curious to let the subject drop.

"The TARDIS wasn't translating it, though," she went on, "the words you were saying. I've heard you doing it before and it's just, like… nonsense sounds."

The Doctor turned on her, looking indignant. "Excuse me, that's my native language you're talking about! And if any language is nonsensical, look to your own butchered tongue. So many diphthongs!"

She didn't know what to say to that for several seconds. She could only look at him, standing there in his jumper with his sleeves rolled up and a smudge of some kind of grease across his chin, his hands on his hips like he was about to launch into one of his lectures.

Native language. She couldn't believe it, but… didn't it make perfect sense? He wasn't human. He was alien—a Time Lord—no matter how often he made her forget it, looking how he did. Behaving how he did.

"But… if it's a real language," she tried slowly, carefully, "your language—how come the TARDIS doesn't translate it? She's from there, right? From…?"

For some reason, she couldn't say it.

"Gallifrey," the Doctor answered for her.

The syllables seemed to sparkle, even though he'd spoken them flat, without affect. And fast, like he was ripping off a bandage.

"So she understands it." She gestured all around her at the ship's recessed lights, which had gradually receded to their usual, steady glow. "But she doesn't… translate? Using the telepathic field thingy?"

The Doctor blinked at her. And didn't look away.

It wasn't his usual kind of stare; his there you go again, asking the right questions look, the one that made her feel so proud, was nowhere to be seen. Eyes not cold, but not warm either.

He was just… looking at her. Sort of through her.

After a little while, she prompted him. "Doctor?"

Then he jerked back into motion, walking back across the cellar to where his leather coat was draped over a tall metal bench, mixed in with scraps of machine parts. He shook the jacket off, and nuts and bolts went flying this way and that, prompting a fresh, irritable hiss of steam from one of the nearby pipes. The Doctor spoke as he moved, as sharp and sudden as a lightning strike.

"She doesn't need to," he clipped out. "Nobody really speaks it anymore, 'sides us two. For all intents and purposes, it's a dead language." And then he said, just as quickly, "Come on. Just remembered we're out of eggs," before striding out the door.

—

A dead language.

The phrase stuck in her head all the rest of that day, as they wandered around the Predoran market, the burble of automatically translated speech humming all around. Fishmongers and cargo haulers and sailors on shore leave. Thousands of people speaking a language she couldn't really hear, but nonetheless understood.

The thoughts lingered the next morning, when she stumbled back into the TARDIS, salt-crusted from their tip overboard a cargo ship, and all but collapsed into her silent bed.

She couldn't shake it, though the Doctor flew her back to London for her mum's birthday—though he made a production of taking her to the Centennial Carnival on Cortago—though he helped her "bump into" Jane Austen in an old friend's drawing room—though he dragged her halfway across the universe and back, narrowly averting disaster, saving lives, meeting new people, grinning wildly as he always had. Speaking in that elemental tongue they somehow shared: the one that spelled adventure.

But…

A dead language.

She couldn't stop remembering. And she was sure he couldn't either.

—

"Gallifrey."

The library terminal beeped. The golden text across the darkened screen said, Results: 0/0.

Rose puffed out a breath. "Okay. What about 'Gallifrey-ish'?"

Results: 0/0.

"Seriously? Nothing in Time Lord-ese?"

The terminal gave another sad-sounding beep.

Rose frowned, chewing on her thumbnail while her other hand hovered over the screen.

She'd never really bothered with the TARDIS library, except the visual media section and the few times she'd checked out the The Collected Works of Charles Dickens. The massive room had been included on her initial hasty welcome tour, but she'd been too intimidated to spend much time there.

There were so many dusty, fragile-looking old books—not to mention hundreds of thousands of hardbacks and paperbacks, scrolls and tablets and comics—all categorized in endless towering rows that made her head spin. The Doctor claimed this wasn't the largest library in the universe, but Rose thought that had to be a lie.

And it didn't seem possible that a room this big didn't contain a single volume with the name of the Doctor's home planet in the title.

Her eyes flicked up, and she bit her lip, feeling silly as she said, "Look, just give me something. Please," to the empty room. "It's for him. I'm trying to… help."

She winced.

Help was possibly not the right word. Maybe there was a reason for the zero results. Maybe the Doctor didn't want any reminders of his past, his people—the world that was now gone, with he the only living remnant. Maybe he'd purged the library or something.

But if he didn't want to be reminded of home, why did he still speak the language? Why had he looked like he'd swallowed a stone when she'd caught him at it?

Sighing, Rose realized that the TARDIS wasn't going to magically intervene, raining down Time Lord Culture for Dummies and English-to-alien dictionaries on her head. She turned from the search terminal, ready to give up the hunt.

But before she could fully turn her back, the computer gave another little beep. And then two together, like synthesized chirps. Then several more in rapid succession.

She looked back.

The screen had tabbed over from the default library results to a page with the header 'Local Audio Logs.' Beneath that was a subheading of 'Relative date: 5000 AD'.

Results: 1-9/77.

"Oh my god."

She immediately went back to the terminal, the base of which had opened, projecting out a narrow tray. Nestled in its foamy lining were a pair of thin, silvery-blue headphones, and she reached for them eagerly, sliding them onto her head without a second thought. She tapped one of the logs at random and an audio player sprung to life, crackly sound immediately filling her ears.

"—sense in giving the game away. Just a few short, simple commands, you know, could make all the difference next time. I'll try one now." And then she heard it: the fluid string of sounds, the chiming vowels, pronounced with much more theatricality than she was used to from the Doctor. She wondered who was speaking.

The voice was fuzzed with age, but was clear enough to make out it wasn't the Doctor; the accent, the tone were all different. It had to be someone he'd travelled with in the past. Someone who spoke his language.

"Well? That means, 'Watch out.' Did you get it?"

"Negative."

The second voice almost made her jump. It sounded mechanical, robotic.

"Listen, K9, just listen!" The man repeated the same sounds, and this time, Rose strained her ears the way she imagined the robot-thing called K9 might have. She tried to pick out the unique sounds, to make sense of them in her mind. "Yes? Got it?"

There was a brief pause. Then: "Affirmative, Master."

"Very good! Well done, K9." The man laughed, and it was a warm laugh. Almost impish at the same time, too, and Rose felt herself smiling confusedly before the audio log continued. Was that his name, like the Doctor was the Doctor? Was this man called 'Master'?

She scrambled to hit the pause button and dragged her finger back, so the audio could play again.

"Listen, K9, just listen!" And then the Gallifreyan words.

She played that bit back once, twice, first mouthing along with the sounds and then whispering them. They strained her voice in an odd way, like she had too many vocal cords and they were tripping over one another—or maybe like she didn't have enough. But after a dozen times or so, she peeled one of the headphones off to hear herself mumbling along.

It didn't sound like anything, really, certainly not like words. But it also didn't sound wrong. She grinned.

"Affirmative, Master."

"Very good! Well done, K9."

"Oh," she realized suddenly. "Like, K9. It's a robot dog." And then she burst into giggles.

—

Progress was, of course, very slow.

Rose figured out a way to get the audio logs onto her MP3 player, but even compressed the files were enormous, so she could only fit three or four of them at a time on there, even after giving up her whole Spice Girls collection.

It was probably better that way. All of the logs were just that same man, and he seemed to like talking as much as the Doctor did. He sped along at warp speed, tossing out the words and phrases he seemed to think a robot dog ought to know. Simple things, mostly.

Rose drank in every syllable.

She listened to the logs a few at a time, in the morning while she was putting on her makeup and after she'd crawled into bed. She turned the phrases over, whispering them into the silence like a great secret. She immersed herself, as much as she could.

Before long, those audios started to feel like a song she'd listened to over and over. They got stuck in her head. When she found herself racing down the shop floor of an abandoned textiles mill, the Gallifreyan word for faster shot through her mind. When a Quellian high noble kept interrupting the Doctor during peace negotiations, she had to stop herself from snapping out the phrase for be quiet.

Sometimes, though, she turned on some of the audios and just listened. Not because she wanted to practice, even, but because she liked the man who spoke in them. She liked how his voice had a smile in it. How affectionate he was toward K9. How quick and clever he seemed, as he came up with increasingly specific commands for his robot dog to learn.

Rose found herself wishing that the logs were in video format, so she could see the man's face.

She considered asking the Doctor about him, but quickly abandoned the idea. A friend of the Doctor's, most likely travelling with him, speaking the language—he had to be a Time Lord. Which meant he was gone.

The thought made her feel lonely… as if somehow, she had lost him, too.

—

Rose lay sprawled across the media room sofa, eyes closed with her MP3 player resting on her belly.

"Want to—earn—other one, K9?" the man in the audio log asked, his voice somewhat muffled. There was a clanking noise that kept interrupting, drowning out snatches of his speech. For some reason, she had a vision of the Doctor with his head under the TARDIS console, fiddling with some loose wire or bit of piping.

"Affir—tive, Master."

"I do—ish you'd give—this 'Master'—usiness. I have—name, you know."

Rose's eyebrows pinched in concentration, while her heart rate steadily climbed, thudding eagerly in her chest. She realized, all of a sudden, she'd been waiting for this moment. Was she finally going to learn the man's name?

"Here, I'll tell—you in—allifreyan."

Gallifreyan. That's what the language was actually called.

She barely had time to take the new information in before there was an extra loud clang and a shuffling scrape. The man's voice was clearer when he spoke.

Rose hadn't been sure she was piecing together anything very meaningful about the structure of the Doctor's native language, up 'til then—she knew nothing about what made it work, what the individual bits and pieces amounted to. The grammar of it evaded her, and she'd mostly felt like a baby mimicking the world around them, repeating noises without real comprehension.

But this particular jangle of sound lodged itself in her ear, and she felt like she understood it perfectly. Like it made absolute sense; the sound was the man, the man was the sound.

"Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?" the man joked. "But I guess it's better than Theta Sig—"

She raced to pause the audio log, to rewind. To play it from the start.

And again.

She realized she was hearing something in the name, something a shade off of one of K9's commands—a syllable that was like the word for 'find,' or maybe… 'help'? They were so similar, it was hard to tell. But it made her feel something, a lightness in her chest. This man had been a helper, a finder, a seeker of something. She'd heard it in his voice, and now she could hear it in his name.

She played the clip back again, and again, and again, lips moving in time. Then she paused, pulling off the headphones, saying the name aloud for her own ears. She was getting better at the ringing bell vowel sounds, and she smiled proudly as she said it again, a little more confidently.

"What are you doing?"

She snapped upright, looking over the back of the couch, at where the Doctor stood in the doorway.

He looked shell-shocked, his usually bright eyes curiously glossed over. And he had his coat on, his hands stuffed in his pockets, like he'd been coming to fetch her for another adventure and had instead stumbled upon a crime scene, or an alien artifact he could make no sense of.

"Doctor!" she began, too brightly. "Are we going somewhere?" She flung her legs off the couch, hurriedly pulling the headphones off her neck. They'd come disconnected from the MP3 player, which had clattered to the floor. "Let me just—get my—"

"Rose, what are you doing?"

His voice stopped her in her tracks, and she stared back, wide-eyed. His voice was raspy like he'd been yelling—or maybe as if he was about to cry. But his face was cold and remote as the snow-capped waves of Women Wept. Rose could barely stand to look at it.

She swallowed thickly and, for a flash of a second, really considered lying. And after she lied, she decided, she would go and delete the latest audio files; she would put away her MP3 player and never even look at it again without feeling furtive guilt.

But she couldn't do that. The Doctor didn't deserve that.

Her mouth ran ahead of her.

"I was learning Gallifreyan," she said.

The Doctor said nothing.

"I… stumbled across some old audio logs where this man—this really nice man—was teaching his robot dog some commands in your language, and I thought…" Weakly, she trailed off, trying to smile. "Well, if this robot dog could learn, so can I, right?"

"K9," he replied. "That's his name."

Her smile came a little easier now. "Yeah, I heard. And the man teaching K9, did he travel with you? I thought, since the TARDIS called it a log that it must have been recorded on the ship, but… Was he a friend of yours?"

His face remained impassive, but his hands dug further and more obviously into his pockets. "That word you said. Did he say what it was?"

"Oh, yeah," Rose nodded fervently. "He told K9 it was his name in Gallifreyan." Then she repeated the sounds as she remembered them, knowing her pronunciation was clumsy—there was none of that chiming rightness in her voice now, from nerves—but it must have been understandable. Because she watched the Doctor's expression contort, his eyes fluttering shut, jaw ticking.

She hesitated, then asked, "What does it mean, in English?"

"The Doctor," the Doctor said heavily.

She felt an odd, hysterical urge to giggle. "What? You had a friend called Doctor, too?"

"No."

"Then…" Her mind swam, torn between the sound of the word echoing off her grey matter and the information she was being presented with. "You're the… man in the audio log? That was you?"

Slowly, the Doctor nodded.

It didn't make sense. "But you sound so different!"

"'Cause I was different. My people were alive back then, and an endless source of bother. I wore a hat, and a scarf, and I had long hair. Corkscrews," he added, gesturing at his own close-cropped head. "And I was taller, I think." He spoke each word like doing so strained his muscles. "I've changed a lot, Rose. Many times."

"What d'you mean, changed?"

Her voice came out sharp, and the Doctor's eyes batted open.

"Why did you want to learn Gallifreyan?" he asked, as if she hadn't even spoken.

"So I could talk to you." It was an automatic answer, and her mouth screwed up with its inadequacy. "In your own language. And because… I didn't like what you said. About Gallifreyan being dead."

"Rose," he said.

"It seemed wrong. I mean, you're alive, aren't you? And as long as you can speak it, and someone else can answer, then it's like—the language is still alive, too. Or at least, there can be people who remember it." She realized her hands had balled into fists, and there was an unwelcome prickle in the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to cry; this wasn't about her. But she couldn't seem to help it. "Someone should remember," she said, pleading.

For a long moment, she thought he would simply turn around and leave again. He looked like he wanted to.

But then, after a little longer, he said. "Your pronunciation is off. You need to hold the 'o' a little longer, and not turn it into a 'u'." The Doctor scoffed to himself. "You Brits and your ridiculous diphthongs."

Rose tried again, said the name—his name, she marvelled—and his posture eased. The lines crowding his forehead smoothed out a bit, and she felt herself exhale, too, the relief heady. Blood rushed back to her uncurled fingers.

"Is that right?" she asked.

"It's better."

And that was good enough for her.

—

A few days later, they were back in the media room, talking on the sofa as they sometimes did after a particularly eventful day.

The Doctor hadn't been in the mood to read aloud—tired, for once, of his own voice, she assumed—and she was somehow too tired even to watch the telly, ten billion channel package or not. So they both rested their heads against the back of the couch and just sat, facing one another, talking now and then. Sometimes they tried to pepper in the bits of Gallifreyan Rose understood. She wanted to ask him, still, what he'd meant when he said he'd changed.

Mostly they were quiet.

But then:

"Doctor?"

"Hm?"

"What's my name? In, er, your language, I mean."

His smile was strangely soft, and his mouth made the syllables, and Rose heard them. She tried to listen for root words, to make meaning out of the musical jangle, but her name wasn't like the Doctor's. It was shorter, sweeter. Simpler. But he said it warmly, and the same warmth spread in her chest.

"I like that," whispered Rose.

"Yeah," said the Doctor. "Me too."