#my body cant calm down

[dogwise]

it really has been nice seeing extended family and i am excited to see the city today, buy holy shit im so happy we’re driving home tomorrow

[triglycercule]

would i be considered a lunatic if i said that horror's story could be read as a parallel for SA. Hear Me Out: (obviously be careful for reading this bc like,,, sensitive topic)

i feel like the largest parallel could be the actual event of getting his eye taken. a part of his body is "taken" and literally or metaphorically horror was pinned down and forced to give up his body (even worse considering that a literal part of him was PULLED out with a foreign object designed solely to hurt HIM SPECIFICALLY). it's digusting and horror claws and fights his way out to prevent it but unfortunately it still ends up happening no matter what he could've done. no matter how many backup plans or extra contibutions or begging or fighting he did. which like. sounds honestly pretty simple to the reality of victims of SA. that hopelessness of knowing that even if you did as much as you could, covering up, devoting yourself to a life of chastity, not hanging with people like thay, there's still a chance that something bad could happen and all of a sudden everyone's out to get you and how could they just stand by and do NOTHING while you were left to suffer and defend yourself

which leads onto the next point i wanna bring up which is horror's rage immediately after getting his eye stolen. his anger at the betrayal is (very justified my boy did nothing to deserve this) solely about him and his bodily autonomy. undyne (and alphys ig,,,,) couldn't consider ANY other possible solution than to deprive him of his autonomy and decide to just take what they wanted from his body??? AND THE FACT THAT ALPHYS SAID THAT HE MIGHT AGREE TO GIVING UP HIS EYE? it's giving very much so "oh it'll feel good so don't worry" type shit or whatever (horrortale alphys i DONT like you). a betrayal at the hands of someone you trusted a lot about your bodily autonomy? it just gives off that sort of parallel

and the sheer anger and fury that horror felt and enacted on alphys and undyne and everyone else at the CORE just like DUDE. that is a type of anger that only comes out when you've been deeply wronged. sometimes when a horrific experience like getting SAed happens you just wanna explode and drag down everyone around you and ESPECIALLY the perpetrators no matter how much you rationalize. you can have as many people as you want try to convince you that revenge and being hateful isnt the way but it doesn't matter because they havent been wronged the way youve been. horror deserved to be that cruel because undyne and alphys were just as cruel back to him, so he'll be the same and return it 10fold (he probably wasnt even out of bones when he decided to turn them into chips he just wanted to make it a point that he didn't even need to use his full strength to hurt the guards. horror could've EASILY killed alphys but no he wanted it to hurt for her so she could live a life of eternal suffering and fall to her lowest and to ESPECIALLY hurt undyne. because they deserve to suffer just as much as he did if not more for the crime commited against him)

a betrayal as bad as alphys's is only worsened when she tells him that she doesnt regret a single thing about using him for the underground. that has to be the single most infuriating thing for horror to hear because WHAT DO YOU MEAN alphys doesn't regret a thing? that's exactly what some people gloat about after doing terrible things; they try to sweep it under the rug as nothing that bad or justify it OR JUST STRAIGHT UP ADMIT IT!!! nah horrortale alphys deserved to suffer idc

and back onto that feeling of wanting to kick and scream and drag everyone else down with you after being left so used and betrayed due to getting SAed: i know it was bad that horror tricked snowdin into eating humans it was TERRIBLY BAD but really horror was just operating on anger and spite and the need for vengeance. nobody in snowdin ever did anything to hurt him (and i'm sure horror knows that considering he definitely regrets what he did) but to him maybe they also should feel the pain he feels so they can all relate. so that they can't try and fight against him when he says his side of the story and say that undyne was right with what she did. that maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely devastated after what happened if he saw everyone around him suffering too, and maybe JUST MAYBE he'd get a bit of something back from his sacrifice that he never consented to

i KNOW i'm not reaching with this but idk if i phrased it the best. but to me horror's story really does genuinely parallel to one of an SA survivor's: the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of loneliness and isolation and just feeling absolutely used for a simple thing as your body. chapter 4 of horrortale really is amazing storytelling and so is horror (he was reasonable in what he did IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS he might be WRONG but it was reasonable. i love horror sans)

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[lemon-russ]

Not warhammer, just rambles-

Small win, I was able to eat a solid food tonight ✨️

I've been having a bad time with my throat issue, and it made it so when I eat basically anything, throat gets inflamed and can't swallow food cause it gets stuck, so I throw it up, which hurts it more, and inflames it more, etc.

Bc I kept choking on every meal for a few days it was too bungled to drink water for a bit even, so I've had to switch to meal replacement shakes and like, carnation breakfast and other liquid food adjacent things, for like 3 days.

But tonight, I was able to (carefully) eat some cheddar penne cooked real soft ✨️ I'm so tired of drinking various sludges, things that are not quite sludge feel like big step up lol, so yay 🎉

[xysidhequeen]

Current count since I last slept: 41 hours.

I think I've capped out at 46 before, I'm not sure because my worst fit of insomnia had me in no position to check times. But I'll say 46. So if we hit 48 we're setting personal records!

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[bare1ythere]

If you think Mania would be a fun thing to experience because it's on the "positive" side of extreme emotions, oh god you are so wrong!

[nightyraven-art]

Been trying to just taking some time for myself and I've been a bit burnt out and exhausted and this week has been a bit busy and hectic just appointments a day trips etc which my social battery is running out and dear lord I'm struggling with being sociable outside

I know it's good for me but I'm so overwhelmed that even typing this Is making me snappy and I'm not having much patience.

Like I don't hate people but once I'm getting overwhelmed by stuff I suddenly want to punch a pillow and scream.

I hate how fast stuff is getting I'm barely having energy again to draw i just come back and next week I have another trip I'm gonna cry.

Yes yes I know I should appreciate it and all and that's y i didn't refuse but

TOO MANY SOCIAL INTERACTIONS , I want to be able to breathe and take some time for myself...it's just I'm getting snappy and overwhelmed that I NEED TO BE ALONE AND I HEAR ANOTHEr single person or another offer to go somewhere I'd rather punch a pillow than go.

I'm not that outgoing, I can maintain social interactions ok but sometimes it's too much.

Alright Imma go and just distract myself

[tyranno-solei-rex]

boy problems got me so nervous I end up in the urgent care

[dangaer]

it's 5am and i stg ive only had 5 hours sleep in total, so todays plans are to do everything by the will of external forces.

[triglycercule]

HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING HELP!!! HELP!!!!! its not don yet,,,,,, eoaugh. shoutout to like the 20 coloring/rendering tips and tutorial videos i watched you all did NOTHING to help. GOD. how hard is is to get a tutorial and help for something that actually ISNT naturally intuitive to me???

waaa waaa lineart hard 🥺🥺 waaa waaa sketching hard!!! ok man how about you struggle with figuring out basic color palettes (color is my absolute worst element of art ive yet to even improve on. this backfired on me i shouldve done more coloring pages when i was younger)

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

mnnghhffmfnff

nauseous

panicking

and generally feel bad

cant talk abt it here . anyways

ugh

[queerlycarter]

incredible how i can be in excruciating pain that has me nauseous and writhing

and then sleep. and wake up with zero pain in that same area

[rainingincale]

.

[nabaath-areng]

It's funny how my psychiatrist and psych nurses are all so supportive about my as of yet undiagnosed physical issues and do their best to keep those in mind when we discuss my care. Meanwhile GP and qualified doctors either tell me to "not compare my googling to their medical degree" or go all "yeah EDS sounds quite likely actually but there's no point diagnosing that since it cannot be cured anyway"

[skunkes]

there is something about how ive given talon all my death woes, as well as one that would only apply to a long living being like him. Something about how he doesn't form bonds anymore because non vampires don't Stay. Something about how ive inserted myself into an world with him and I myself will also leave him behind one day. (Though i guess he'll go with me, but there's also a chance that whenever It Happens he'll still be around in the minds of some as an idea...)