#my best ideas come when im severely sleep deprived

[raptureshots]

yeah alright man

based off. a tweet. lol

[destinygoldenstar]

🍀Welcome To My Daily Life🍀 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 2 Episode 2 “Open Your Eyes”

I'm back. After... how many days since I reacted to the premiere?

I was preoccupied with a lot of stuff, okay?

I'm just gonna jump right into this.

What are they eating??

Chef isn't here. They don't have to eat that slop.

Is Nina also that bad of a cook-

No cause she made pumpkin bread the last episode-

What. What. WHAT IS THAT.

"Well, it took me a bit. In general I find it hard to fall asleep."

BRUH. SAME. OH MY GOD.

You wanna know how bad my sleeping disorder is?!

I'm getting it checked out so you know. STILL.

"Tell me a little about yourself."

"There is nothing interesting to know about me."

Okay then. 10/10 characterization. She is NOTHING.

"I have a card game that has several questions when you're getting to know someone."

Aw. That's actually sweet.

For a second I thought he just wanted to get in her pants.

"But believe me, at the end of this, we won't be friends."

Im sorry, I can't focus on this so well. THE MUSIC IS BLARING IN THIS SCENE.

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THE EPIC MUSIC PLAYING IN THIS SOLEMN SCENE XD

"HEYO WHO'S IPOD IS BLASTING IN THE MESS HALL RIGHT NOW?! TURN IT DOWN, I'M TRYING TO TALK TO A GIRL!!!"

"Since I published our photo together, you have gained a thousand followers!"

Pretty sure that's not how that works...

WAIT, I'M SORRY, YOU'RE STALKING THIS GUY'S SOCIAL MEDIA?!

"You're welcome. Its what friends do."

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HIM LIKE THAT?! STOP IT.

"Now come here so we can get a photo of a kiss. You'd gain a million! HASHTAG LOOK AT THIS CUTE BOY I FOUND!"

What's his name? *looks back* Aiden?

Aiden, you have my permission TO CALL THE POLICE.

"After all, we are the only guys on our team."

Are you?

Oh yeah you are! Well then.

"Oh and don't forget to finish your breakfast. Hunger can cause sleep deprivation."

Well that's subtle.

So you're gonna starve them to sleep?

"I want to do my best to look like a professional host on camera."

Aren't you an executive? Or did I read that wrong?

"I feel I get a little excited at times, and I end up saying inappropriate things."

GIRL, I FEEL YA.

"One of the reasons I let you stay here is that seeing a poor and pathetic intern so humiliated and worn out every day will help me remember what not to do to others."

Okay then...

"It's just really hard not to be a sociopath, you know?"

"I don't want to lose my humanity just to get some ratings."

You sound A LOT like you've met Chris McLean in your life.

I get it. He's iconic, but he's also a sociopath.

So it's the Awake-A-Thon.

That challenge is EVIL.

I would NEVER win it.

"This challenge has been done before."

*chokes*

WAIT THEY KNOW?!?!?!?! THEY'RE AWARE?!?!?!?!?!?

WAIT, TOTAL DRAMA IS CANON?!?!?!?

I mean, Total Drama fanfiction, but...

IT'S IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS TOTAL DRAMA?!?!?!?!

I'm only JUST NOW realizing that, TWO SEASONS IN.

I'm a dumbass...

Hang on. Let me get the time cards out...

"Hey girls, what sign are you?"

Ooh, girlie bonding!

I'm not saying mine on the Internet btw. Don't ask.

"I think it's cancer, I'm not really sure..."

You do read me as a cancer.

"Do you believe in that astrology thing?"

"It's not that I believe blindly, it's just that I like the idea of cheering people up. I always read the horoscope and try to embrace the most positive message."

Awwwwwww, I like her. She's an astrology queenie.

"Do you want me to read what the stars say about you?"

"It says... 'you are plagued with bad luck for the rest of your days, better luck next time.' Well... ain't that lovely...😅"

"If the girls are that close, it means that they will vote together."

You have not seen Total Drama. The girlies NEVER vote together.

"How about you try to talk to her about it?"

"Um, WHY ME?!"

"Because if she, say, KILLS YOU, I won't get caught in the crossfire, and better you than me. Tee hee."

"Okay. I'll try that later."

*Gets a Wawa Ad*

XD

I GUESS AIDEN AND KAROL ARE TALKING ABOUT IT BY GETTING WAWA PIZZA.

HEYO, IS THAT ALLOWED?!

That seems like cheating. You got a screen blaring in your eyes.

"All good. Playing Smash Bros."

Very nice. What's your main?

(I'm a Samus main in case you're curious. Basic, I know.)

"I'd let you play if you wanted, but the last time I lent someone my console it ended up breaking."

Oh yeah XD

"I follow your Twitch Channel."

Oh, so she has a gaming career. Gotcha.

"How many consoles did you bring with you?"

"Not enough."

"Not enough" Proceeds to pull out yet ANOTHER Switch.

Girl... you're not normal.

"Greetings partner of the mystical journey called life."

OH GOD I FORGOT ABOUT HOW BAD THIS GUY'S VOICE IS...

(No hate to the VA)

"I felt some pretty erratic vibes coming from you."

Erratic?!

I don't think you'd want to say that to someone. Maybe that's just me.

Where the hell did this crush some from?

They didn't talk ONCE last episode.

*Add that to the Total Drama Crackship List*

That contains of four categories.

Crack Ships.

Toxic Ships.

Other... Decent Ships.

And then Tom and Jake in their own little corner. ❤️ DON'T ASK WHY. THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS.

TOTAL DRAMA IS SHIPPING HELL.

"Kai, the team is gathered on this side. What were you doing with the Orange Team?"

WHO SAID THAT?!

"I hope you're not thinking of betraying our team."

HOW WOULD HE DO THAT?! HOW WOULD THAT BENEFIT HIM AT ALL?

"Betrayal is a pretty negative word."

"You have to be loyal to the team or we will eliminate you!"

Um, EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU HOLDING THE TEAM TOGETHER?!

NO? DIDN'T THINK SO. YOU'RE TOO BUSY BEING AN ASS TO EVERYONE.

"Dude, we can't be eliminated on this plain."

XD

Okay that was good XD

"Don't you DARE talk to me like that!"

About what?

YOU'RE A BRAT.

"Attention everyone! Kai is making alliances with the other team!"

AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA TATTLE ABOUT NOTHING.

Oh my god this guy is WHINY...

Ellie's probably watching this at home, like "Oh wow... I feel like I should apologize to Jake."

"Uh... it's fine with me."

"Don't look at me. I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative."

I love that they don't care.

"Just look at his junkie face! You know he can't be trusted!"

Oh my god...

He sounds like a Twitter user.

When your side of the argument doesn't get through to people as the objective fact that it obviously is, what do you do? THROW INSULTS AND ACCUSATIONS. THAT'LL SHOW THEM.

"If you don't agree with me, you're *CENSORED*"

"No man, I don't do drugs... too much..."

WHAT THE HELL?!

THE FACT THAT YOU DO DRUGS AT ALL.

"And you Yul, stop being so prejudice and whiny! Next time you want to judge someone based on their looks, do yourself a favor and say nothing!"

👏

FACTS

"I wanted to yell at him for talking to me like that, but I couldn't utter the words out of my mouth..."

Yeah I hope you get booted first from this team now.

"It's clear that Yul exaggerates and behaves like a spoiled child, but I don't want to get in trouble with anyone. Being here means a lot to me, and I don't want anything to ruin it."

Fair. I would do the same thing.

"I've never felt so out of place before somewhere."

"In the last few days, I've noticed things I hadn't noticed before."

Dude is really that insecure about his age. I get it.

He and Miriam should be besties.

"I've spent my whole life in India, trying to get my acting career off the ground. Now I'm on the other side of the world, alone in unknown territory. I feel like I'm on another planet."

"How did you do it?"

"Just trying to be myself. Because pretending to be someone else will only make people never know the real you."

Yep. Trust me, I know that.

And yet where I grew up, pretending to be someone other than yourself was 'THE COOL' thing to do, and you get a lot more respect by being someone that isn't yourself.

So sad that's how the world is.

She's interesting. I like her.

And yes, I still stand by my claim that SHE IS GORGEOUS.

Oh wow we've fast forwarded through everything, didn't we?

"I have these cards to get to know a person better."

Oh, he's actually legit about it.

This guy is so bad at socializing, holy gosh... XD

It's kinda sweet though.

ARE YOU MENDING A CROCODILE?!?!?!?!?

EYO, WHAT?!?!?

"You're good at this game."

*Cough* She got three votes last time. *Cough*

"I get along well with animals. We understand each other better."

"Have you been getting along with everyone?"

What do you think?

"I think most people don't get too close because of my character."

Yeah, cause you've been a KAREN the past episode.

"Hey James, it seems that... oh..."

XD

"GODDAMMIT, I LEAVE YOU FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU BAIL ON ME. SOME FAKE BOYFRIEND."

"How are you guys doing?"

"We're fine."

They're fine XD

"Nah I do these kinds of shifts every day. You know. You guys aren't on your phone at four in the morning?"

"No we don't need a doctor, what are you talking about?"

"I could do this all day."

*Gets an Oreo Ad*

OVER OREOS, BABYYYYYYYYY

"I'm starting to feel my eyes getting really heavy..."

First time?

"Do you like to dance? Let's dance."

WHAT? XD

That's out of nowhere.

"I don't know if I'm gonna make it..."

"DANCE."

We're actually doing this XD

I mean does it work?

No.

He died.

Sure. Why not.

I don't hate either, so go ahead.

"He already has experience enduring sleep. Right Oliver?"

He's dying.

"Yes Mr McLean, bread and water is fine..."

He's hallucinating Total Drama. Oh no.

"I brought you a drink so you can hydrate a little."

It's poison. Bet right now.

"You haven't eaten anything for many hours."

WAIT WHOA WHAT-

HANG ON. YOU'RE STARVING THEM?! HELLO?!?!

Or am I hearing that wrong?

"Good. I'm starving."

No I heard that right.

That's more sick than anything else.

"Did I forget to mention that those juices also have strong sleeping pills?"

AND THERE IT IS. POISON.

Also, you DRUGGED THEM. YOU'RE SICK.

"How dare you drug us without our consent!"

And now I agree with her.

"I went too far?"

"No Miss Crystal. It won't hurt them."

THEY DIE.

THEY DIED.

YOU KILLED THEM.

"I'm between Karol and James. What do you think?"

Yeah. Saw that coming.

"I would vote for James. He always leaves his underwear on the floor."

NO WAY, CAN HE AND HAROLD BE FRIENDS?

"She also wants to eliminate one of the girls."

So we're even. Cool.

"Great. That's all I needed to hear."

I don't like how he said that.

What are you planning?

HEY. HEY DON'T WALK AWAY SUS. GET BACK HERE.

...lady, honestly, you freak me out too.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE AROUND THESE THINGS.

"There's something you need to know."

"What are you doing?!"

I'M WITH HIM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. YOU HAVE A TIE SET.

"Karol proposed to Aiden to vote for one of you."

OKAY WAIT, WHAT?

So... girls alliance. You caught onto that.

So your plan is to persuade them to boot Karol? Your ONLY shot at evening those numbers???

THAT DOESN'T BENEFIT YOU AT ALL.

"I didn't tell everyone!"

YEAH. WHO IS 'EVERYONE'?

EVERYONE ON THIS TEAM, WHO ONLY JUST NOW HEARD IT FROM JAMES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

I mean, I don't care about Karol. But DEAR GOD...

"She cannot be trusted."

"YOU can't be trusted."

Honestly, get James out, Aiden. Do it.

He stalks you, he uses you, he lies to you, and he has NO CONSENT.

Get him out and CALL THE POLICE.

"Would a friend have used me that way?! You could've at least told me what you were going to do!"

EXACTLY.

"Look, I know it looks wrong now, but it was the right thing to do."

NO IT WAS NOT.

"I didn't have to let her down like that."

You DIDN'T. THAT'S THE THING.

"Also, how would it benefit us if Karol is eliminated?"

THANK YOU.

THIS MAN IS SPEAKING STRAIGHT FACTS.

"Right now, Lake, Rosa, and Maggy are together. It's only a matter of time before Karol joins them."

EVEN THEN, YOU'RE OUTNUMBERED.

"We could try to do something together with Karol!"

WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH.

"You may not understand now, but you'll thank me later."

NO. YOU TELL ME NOW.

I WANT AN EXPLANATION AND I WANT IT NOOOOWWW

Poor Aiden. Seriously.

Apparently you have two brain cells.

JAMES outed you. Not him!

I SUPPORT THIS ONE.

GET THIS STALKING MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE OUT.

'AIDEN'

'JAMES'

Get em out.

'KAROL'

Yeah. This is predictable.

'KAROL'

Dang. Didn't even need to read all of them.

"I hope you leave soon, Aiden! You are a traitor!"

🙄

I mean... at least you're happy I guess.

That was Episode 2.

I don't get James's plan. I don't. Why are you like this??

And now Aiden is against you? You screwed yourself.

I would pay the "Pick a Best Girl/Best Boy" game again, but uh... most of the boys here, at least so far, are kinda ass.

I support Aiden wanting James out though.

I don't care about Karol, or her weird... habits... but I expected her to be a lot more annoying than she was.

So... yeah. If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know. I'm willing to continue this show.

[maijobi]

“see you”

okkotsu yuuta x reader

summary: when yuuta’s disappearance has much more of an effect on you than you every thought…

a/n: I had a totally different idea for this,, but it didn’t work out so I came with this. not proofread and I’ll probably change certain things when im not high on sleep deprivation.

—————————————————————-

everyday was a joyful day. well at least, you tried to make it joyful. you didn’t see the purpose in wanting to make your day worse by thinking too much so everything was always so sudden, energetic and for some people maybe a little annoying. but those were things you never cared about. people’s opinion didn’t matter to you. you lived your life for yourself and not for anyone else, so why not try to make the best out of it?

you weren’t easily budged so having missed the bus and running to school in the rain instead didn’t even concern you in the slightest. you had a toast in your mouth and took whatever drink you had in the fridge and ran out the door with your umbrella in one hand and your drink in the other. you were basically jumping in every puddle you saw, not caring if your socks got wet. a big smile was on your face because who didn’t enjoy jumping in puddles with bread in your mouth. you looked at the drink you had taken out of the fridge and got happy that it was strawberry milk, your favourite. 

with the speed you were running you knew you’d make it just in time for classes, but before you could reach the school building you saw a young man sitting on a bench. head down, hands intertwined and looking miserable. 

well grumpiness in the morning wasn’t for you, so even if you could put a small smile on his face you’d be more than happy. so before you knew it you were standing in front of the guy, holding the umbrella above the two of you. his gaze slowly turned in your direction, his eyes were red and swollen so that indicated that he was probably crying. you gave him a big smile, showing a full set of teeth. you weren’t ashamed the slightest. you handed him the umbrella and placed the strawberry milk on his lap. 

before he could say anything you took your bag and placed it over your head and started running In the direction of school. you heard him calling after you and when you turned around you could swear you could see a faint smile on his face. so in return you waved at him. “see you”, you found yourself saying while running through the school grounds. 

the day after you saw him sitting there again after having missed your bus again, he handed your umbrella and mumbled a thank you and you’d only smile at him and leave with a sprint because you’d miss school otherwise. 

the day after that you saw him again, sitting yet again in the rain with a miserable look. so you gave him your umbrella and, for this time, banana milk and started running with your bag over your head to school. he’d try to call for you again and you’d only turn your head while running and would scream “see you” again. 

and before you knew it you’d purposely miss every bus and run to school, just so you could see him on that bench every morning. so you could give him your umbrella in the rain and he’d give it back on sunny days and would mutter a shy “thank you” while you’d scream “see you” after every meeting. 

you started to leave the house earlier so you could see him and maybe even talk with him and when you’d see him sitting on that bench you made your way to sit next to him. he didn’t notice it was you yet so you spoke up. “huh, that much for giving you my umbrella every two days”, you said with a pout.

his face shot in your direction and you could see the flush red ears and slightly tinted cheeks as he looked at you. 

“you know, buying you an umbrella would solve many of your problems, but I seem to find it more fun to give you mine and get it back afterwards while you thank me”, you said. “I don��t think i’ve properly introduced myself.” you rose from your seat and stood in front of him while stretching out your arm. “i’m y/n, nice to meet you.”

he smiled at you and shook your hand. “okkotsu, okkotsu yuuta.”

“did you know you have very beautiful eyes yuuta”, you said as you pulled him closer.

he’d blush again and you’d laugh. “i’m looking forward to meet up with you more often.”

and you’d see him every day. every morning ten minutes before classes would start, because even If it were only ten minutes with him they made you feel the happiest. not even jumping in a puddle could relate to the feeling you had when you were with him. 

you would wake up in the morning trying to look better for him. wear your pretty socks or try to make your hair look slightly better than usual and every so often you’d wear a mask to let your skin glow. you found yourself doing things you’d never thought you’d do for someone. suddenly you cared a lot.

you’d figure out all kinds of things about him. his family, his past, his friends (which he didn’t have much). you learned his reason behind his gloomy days and you figured out the reason why he never went to school. “heeh, you pervert. bet you’re just looking at all the passing high school girls.”

he’d worriedly and anxiously try to tell you that was not the case because he was also a high school student, even though you were well aware he’d never actually look at every girl going to school. his reasoning was that he had special tutoring, something you’d never heard before. probably some extra math classes or something. well it wasn’t as if it would have much effect on you. 

it was raining again and you were ready to see yuuta again, but when you were running happily to the bench and sprung in every puddle in the meanwhile you saw he wasn’t there. and he wasn’t there again for several weeks that turned into months.

mornings weren’t special anymore and as much as you hated that this had an effect on you you couldn’t help the growing ache in your chest. you’d jump in puddles on rainy days, but they didn’t give you as much joy as they used to. you tried to run with your bag on your head to work up some adrenaline, but nothing really worked. nothing gave you the joy you wanted. 

many months passed and you found yourself being the person you hated. being the person you did not want to become. being the person that thought too much and let negative thoughts overpower your brain.

it was raining again and you found yourself missing the bus on accident this time. so you walked, not ran, but walked to school that day with no umbrella, no flavoured milk and no bag over your head to protect you from the rain. just you walking in the rain getting completely drench. you saw the bench and made your way to it. you thought of yuuta and sat down at the exact spot he’d sit down. 

you hated every moment. you didn’t wanna sit there and remember. you wanted to move on and be happy. who was yuuta anyways? some dude that forgot his umbrella every day? and yet you couldn’t move an inch. the rain had stoped, but the sounds were still there and suddenly a small bottle of strawberry milk was placed on my lap. you shot your head up and your eyes widened. and umbrella over your head.

“it’s unlike you to see you so gloomy in the morning”, he’d say with his oh so familiar smile. he changed. his hair changed and he grew taller. his face matured and he look a lot more calm rather than anxious like he used to be.

you didn’t realize it until he brushed his hand under your eyes that you were crying. “why did you leave so suddenly?”, you asked. 

“I can’t tell you the whole story yet, but I promise you that I will one day”, he said as he placed a hand on your cheek. “i’m sorry for leaving you so suddenly.”

you took his hand and lowered it from your face. “you can’t just disappear for months and come back only with a sorry expecting me to forgive you. i’ve been through hell. don’t ask me why you leaving had such an effect on me, but it did. I found myself worrying about what you’d think of me, even though something like that never happened to me before. I was happy to see you every morning and I hate how much of a bitter aftertaste you left behind when you didn’t show up for the past months. I hated you. I hated you so much, that I couldn’t even stop thinking about you. and I couldn’t stop myself from caring about you”, you said through tears.

“then let me make it up to you”, he whispered.

you knew what was coming and you let it happen. because you craved his touch and you craved to feel his lips on yours. so when they touched it felt ever so lightly that you found yourself intoxicated by it. you wanted more and pulled him closer as if he’d leave again. you didn’t give him a second to break it while letting your lips dance together. your heart was hammering in your chest and your brain was a mess.

you weren’t going to let him off the hook so easily. a kiss couldn’t stop you from being angry. but the kiss told you that he was ready to stay and was a form of saying that he wasn’t going anywhere. so your repeated see you’s were not a waste of hope. 

[goldnratio]

Dating Luke Alvez HC’s

word count: 1.3k

warnings: some are a little risqué but nothing major

a/n: here’s some headcanons for luke! might do some nsfw ones, and for spencer and Hotch but I have to finish some requests first

—

love love LOVES music

michael jackson, david bowie, queen, biggie smalls, etc.

oh what I would I do to see him sing ‘hypnotize’ (I know he drinks his Respecting Women Juice but he always emphasizes on “bulletproof glass tints if I want some ass” with a laugh ‘cause it reminds him of an ‘inside joke’ you two share aka the time you two fucked in one of the bureau’s SUVs during a boring stakeout but that’s a story for another time)

ALSO SPANISH MUSIC DUH

our puerto rican + cuban king loves daddy yankee, calle 13, nicky jam, bad bunny, marc anthony, juanes, hombres G!!!

does Not Care if you can’t speak/understand Spanish, he’s got you dancing with him either way

GOING CRAZY TO ‘gasolina’ AND ‘yo perreo sola’ AND ‘safaera’

this mere idea of dancing to reggaeton with luke,,, im lightheaded

all you feel is his hands’ tight grip on your hips and the feeling of your ass pressing against him has him groaning and im gonna pass out if I keep thinking about it

not even gonna talk about dancing with him to cumbia bc y’all would never hear the end of it

anyways you got him airpods for christmas because you were sick of hearing him complain about always having to detangle his wires; he wears them almost 24/7 and likes that he can share one with you and not have to worry about the wires

he has playlists for EVERYTHING

big cuddle monster

luke is naturally a Big Spoon, have you SEEN HIS ARMS AND BODY? so Wide and perfecting for holding you

loves to hold you in his sleep, you’re like an anchor for him when he gets nightmares from cases

the bau team has several pictures of you two asleep on the jet; some of your head on luke’s chest with one of his arms around you and others with your limbs so tangled together that they can’t tell where luke ends and you begin

prefers Real Cuddles at home though because both of you are handsy and innocent cuddles have turned into sex more times than you can count

but sometimes after a bad case he just wants to be held with your fingers running through his hair. you’re in bed and he tightly wraps his arms around your waist, resting his upper body on yours with his head on your chest or face buried in your neck.

He’s a very protective man

and not like in an overbearing way

it’s just that you both have seen and know firsthand how sick and dangerous the world can be sometimes and he never wants it to touch you

almost always has a hand on you; whether it’s holding hands, or an arm over your shoulders, or a hand on your waist, or—

alternatively, your hands always wind up in his back pocket or holding onto his GIANT biceps

usually in lines he stands behind you with his arms wrapped around you and resting his chin on the top of your head, or you’re next to him and holding his arm with your head resting on his shoulder

sometimes you go on runs together with Roxy

and sometimes you go run by yourself, and Luke always suggests taking Roxy with you

not because he thinks you’re incapable of taking care of yourself without him but he doesn’t want to take the risk of something happening to you when he’s not there

also because “she could go for a run, burn some of that energy, right, Roxy?”

ALSO EXTRA PROTECTIVE IN THE FIELD!!!!

He knows the danger is part of the job but he just hates the idea of something happening to you

He will try to talk you out of something too dangerous but won’t tell you that you can’t go (even though he REALLY WANTS TO) because as much as he loves and cares for you, he knows you’re a great agent and are capable of taking care of yourself out in the field

I suppose it also depends on the case and the unsub? ‘cause like if you fit the unsub’s victimology then he’s more,,,cautious about it

Luke always tries to put himself in between you and the potential danger, which is funny because you try to do the same thing

[insert that meme/comic of the two people bending to protect each other]

does a mix of the ‘get behind me’ and ‘mom arm reflex for an abrupt stop’ so he can protect you from anything ahead and you have his back with a view of anything behind you guys

literally will take a bullet for you if it comes to it and he knows without a doubt that you would do the same

BACK TO ROXY!!! that adorable german shepard

HIS ENTIRE CAMERA ROLL IS JUST YOU, HIM, AND ROXY

but mostly you and Roxy

with the occasional bau team pics

but when Luke first introduced you to her the first time you came over to his house

it went...ok?

roxy—like luke—has seen Some Serious Shit

even being a friendly dog, I think it’d be natural for her to be cautious with new people

so when her daddy is bringing the same woman home she is like oH??

she was a little shy and kept her distance, staying close to luke the first few times you went over

eventually she got used to you coming around more often, sitting closer to you and letting you pet her more

you swear luke’s eyes were glossy the first time Roxy curled up next to you and laid her head on your lap

“no, (Y/N), I’m not about to cry it’s just that I have…dust...in my eyes…”

he’s melting on the inside though because you’re both his Best Girls Who He Loves Very Much!!!!!

he also trusts you enough to watch Roxy if he’s away and loves that Roxy trusts you too

sometimes he stays at the BAU later and comes home to you asleep on the couch with Roxy right by your side, or you’re in bed with Roxy right by the entrance of the room

either way it makes him Soft™️ that Roxy is also just as protective of you

“what’s up, baby? you taking care of mommy for me, being a good guard dog for (y/n)?”

with both of you working at the BAU, you are literally the Hottest Couple Most Sleep Deprived Couple

you sleep at the hotels when you’re on a case but let’s be real: sometimes the case is too fresh in your mind to let you sleep, same goes for Luke

you guys find that just talking about it helps

sex works too, but there’s only two moods after: I’m so tired now thank you and I love you, goodnight OR I now have more energy than I did when we got in bed can we please go another round

NAP DATES ARE SO FREQUENT

like you will just go over to cuddle him and sleep

you stay over a lot more than luke stays at your place and it’s mostly because taking Roxy back and forth gets difficult, especially if your place is like less equipped for pets

ANYWAYS

as sleep deprived as you two are, you can’t sleep in late

You’re both used to waking up early and at ungodly times because of work, plus Luke takes Roxy outside in the mornings to potty so you usually get up to make him coffee

so your bodies aren’t exactly programmed to want to sleep in, but there are rare times when you’ll sleep in till like 11am (Luke has potty pads in place for Roxy just in case)

but since you guys tend to wake up early on your days off, you spend the mornings in bed and just nap throughout the day

finally, having lots of pet names for each other!!!!!

his for you include but are not limited to:

mamas

baby

sweet thang

mi amor

pretty lady

princesa

yours for him include but are not limited to:

babe

big guy

sweet cheeks

papacito

cariño

papi chulo (he ALWAYS blushes with this one but he tries to cover it up with a smirk)

[whorefordazai]

oh em gee heyyuh segc thing 😏💋 congrats once again on the milestone sweetie 😘👏🏻 can I get uhh one match up with a guy joo-say-oh? *why do I think I know who you'll give 🤔*

my pronouns are she/her, no zodiac cause I don't believe in those 🥲 i have shoulder-blade length black hair with flat bangs (imagine Yosano but uglier) and am 5"2 (157 cm to he exact) rip

Hobbies include analysing so many things (I'm pretty sure I'm slightly decent at recognising people's qualities), writing, reading, and drawing. I'm a musician but it's ages since I've played. I love talking with my baes too! Youll immediately know I like you if I keep pestering you lol. Oh and you know who my kins are bae 😚🍀💗

My love languages are (as the recipient) Acts of Service and Quality Time and I also love giving Words of Affirmation to my babies ☺ Lifting their confidence is literally one of my favourite things to do and I'm a super ride or die person. I literally squared up to defend my friends several times 🤪

My aesthetic is all over the place 🤧 Is it light academia? Is it street style? Is it soft? I have no idea. I like cute stuffs tho, like those kinds of pretty Korean outfits. Fave colours are uh lilac or tosca or soft brown

My dream date is to visit a theatre/orchestra and book stores oh my god. Those calming stuffs like that 👉🏻👈🏻

I hope I make sense 🥲 And I hope this isn't too much? Uwhduwus im so sorryyyy if it is 😢❤ Once again congrah too lay sheons baybee 🤪🎊

I match you with...(you already know so lemme make this fun for both of us 🥲)

Sakunosuke Oda! ´ˎ˗

(surprise shawty 🥲🎉)

👾 oda doesn’t befriend many people, so I feel like you guys would be friends before lovers. you mentioned you can understand people pretty fast, so if you confront him about himself, he’ll probably be standing there like “damn, woman 👴🏻.” he’ll probably be reluctant to tell you he’s into writing stories (he’s a little shy okay) but once he realizes you’re also into writing stories, he’ll low key be so excited to talk to you about it (he won’t outright show his excitement tho) the least he’ll say is “oh? oh that’s nice🙂🤝” don’t be fooled, he’s jumping on the inside.

👾 you might pester him a lot, and he might not give much of a reaction but really, he’s super glad that you haven’t become bored of him and his rock personality 😚 I feel like his love language is also quality time, seeing as though he works in the mafia and doesn’t get much free time. the time you guys spend together is probably at book stores or definitely with the orphans.

👾 this man is kinda touch deprived okay🧍‍♂️he didn’t realize how much cuddling he needed until he saw you in a pretty comprising position where the orphans where sleeping with you, all cuddled up by your body. mans almost dropped his grocery bags and just stood there like “🧍‍♂️💗” he thought to himself “I must obtain this thing humans call...cuddling🧍‍♂️”

👾 lemme sayyy—oda isn’t one to talk about his feelings, not because he thinks they aren’t important—more like he doesn’t wanna bother you with them. so your love language being words of affirmation and boosting confidence is perfect for him ☺️ you always notice when he’s feeling a little glum, so just grab his cheeks, place a big kiss on his nose and assure him that he’s the best man anyone could ever ask for 🥰

SONGS ´ˎ˗

- come a little closer | cage the elephant

- young and beautiful | lana del ray

- carolina | harry styles

- yellow | coldplay

- runaway | aurora

MESSY LAYOUT ´ˎ˗

[carapeace]

She smiled and shook her head at the screen. Her kitty was strange sometimes. He excelled in poorly timed puns and always tried to surprise her with a pickup line. He loved roses and tended to swing his tail when he was bored. Ladybug knew, from several identity patrols, that he liked video games and movies but liked reading just as much. He loved to stargaze, had an action figure of every superhero including the one-off ones, and once he even told her that story of him wandering the streets of Paris in an astronaut helmet. (Though he hadn’t told her why. Ladybug supposed it breached the identity rule.)

But nothing matched the sheer chaos he exuded when playing Among Us.

(aka a weird fever dream thing that my midnight brain came up with)

ladybubs [pink] joined the lobby. catnerd [black] joined the lobby.

catnerd: evening mlady ladybubs: yo

foxy lady [orange] joined the lobby. turtle man [lime] joined the lobby. vye pier ee on [green] joined the lobby. Ryuko [red] joined the lobby.

Ryuko: hello!

Pegasus [white] joined the lobby. time bunny [cyan] joined the lobby. king kong [brown] joined the lobby.

king kong: hell yeah i’m ready!!

There are 2 Impostors among us. 

Ryuko: Can someone explain to me how you play this game?  turtle man: just do your tasks  foxy lady: click the map foxy lady: go to the exclamation points foxy lady: and just do what it tells you to do Ryuko: ok 

It had all been Chat’s idea. He’d wanted everyone to drop their discord so they could go on voice, but Ladybug had vehemently declined, citing identity reasons. Chat hadn’t pressed. 

-DEAD BODY REPORTED- Discuss! 

turtle man: where  vye pier ee on: nav  Ryuko: King monkey is dead? ladybubs: looks like it catnerd: i saw lb headed there catnerd: its her ladybubs: no i never went there foxy lady: skip? vye pier ee on has voted. foxy lady has voted. time bunny: i was still swiping my card turtle man: anyone who can’t get their card swipe on the first try is simply inferior time bunny: wow way to flex turtle man: i’m just built different time bunny has voted. catnerd: im telling you it’s ladybug  catnerd has voted.  ladybubs: idk black sus turtle man: she makes a fair point ladybubs has voted. turtle man has voted. Ryuko: Who do I vote for? vye pier ee on: who do you think is the impostor? Ryuko: Chat Noir catnerd: WHAT Ryuko has voted. Pegasus has voted.

No one was ejected. (Skipped)

Ryuko was doing a wonderful job playing dumb. Kagami Tsurugi was a lot of things, but she was not inexperienced. She came to win. She always came to win. But they didn’t have to know that. Marinette knew the game better than any of them, with the possible exception of Chat. She came to win, too. The two of them were an absolutely unstoppable team. Except for one thing: her lovable catboy kept getting in the way...

-EMERGENCY MEETING- Discuss!

catnerd: LSLDKIJFDKS foxy lady: what turtle man: seriously i was almost done with simon says catnerd: ITLSDK LADYBSUG ladybubs: i just caught chat noir faking a task so he called a meeting to try and blame it on me catnerd: SHE JSUT VENTED RIHGT IN FRONT OF MKE ladybubs: see Ryuko: Hmmm looks quite suspicious vye pier ee on: skip, i wanna do my tasks ladybubs: im voting chat he’s making himself sus ladybubs has voted. vye pier ee on has voted. time bunny has voted. time bunny: sorry chat youve gotta go Pegasus: Do you even have an alibi?? catnerd: i was in reactor and she vented in to try and find a kill ladybubs: nah Pegasus has voted. foxy lady has voted. turtle man has voted. catnerd has voted. Ryuko has voted.

No one was ejected. (Skipped)

Adrien ground his teeth in frustration. As much as he hated selling out his lady, he hated not being listened to even more. But he had one thing against him: he was terrible at this game. He could never convince people to trust him - he couldn’t play the social aspect of it without sounding suspicious. And Ladybug knew it. She’s playing the long game, he realized. He’d have to outsmart her if he wanted to beat her. And he knew he could never outsmart her. He sighed. The best he could do was stir up chaos, and stirring up chaos was what Chat Noir did best.

-DEAD BODY REPORTED- Discuss!

foxy lady: dang double kill ladybubs: rip viperion and carapace foxy lady: where was it ladybubs: electrical foxy lady: ah catnerd: YOU GUYS IM TELLING YOU ITS LADYBUG foxy lady: youve been a lil sus catboy foxy lady: where have you been all this time? catnerd: TRAILING LLADYBUG!!! ladybubs: he was following me around the whole map ladybubs: i only missed him when someone turned out the lights foxy lady: well if you were following her the whole time she couldn’t have been impostor Ryuko: It’s true. Chat does seem quite sus. ladybubs has voted. catnerd has voted. catnerd: vote lb if you value your lives Ryuko has voted. foxy lady has voted. Pegasus has voted.

Chat Noir was not An Impostor. 2 Impostors Remain.

Victory - Ladybug, Ryuko

Adrien shouted a surprised “goddammit” so loudly that a sleep-deprived Nathalie, feverishly working one floor down, jumped in her chair.

Marinette cackled so evilly that Tikki, who had been in her dollhouse resting, came to peer over her shoulder, making sure she wasn’t about to become the next Hawkmoth.

And Kagami Tsurugi just smiled to herself, in the dark on her phone way after her bedtime, a cool smile that comes from the rush of victory.

Play again?

New lobby

ladybubs joined the lobby. catnerd joined the lobby.

catnerd: DAMMIT BUG

Ryuko joined the lobby. turtle man joined the lobby. foxy lady joined the lobby.

turtle man: wow. WOW. foxy lady: RYUKO??? Ryuko: B-)

king kong joined the lobby.

king kong: i always get killed off first ladybubs: nothing personal man

vye pier ee on joined the lobby. time bunny joined the lobby. Pegasus joined the lobby.

time bunny: wow ryuko you are cutthroat vye pier ee on: i gotta admit you two really had me Pegasus: Agreed. ladybubs: *high five* Ryuko: ? ladybubs: high five me back!! Ryuko: *high five* ladybubs: !!! ladybubs: ok can i start king kong: yeah

There are 2 Impostors among us.

-EMERGENCY MEETING- Discuss!

foxy lady: oh come on what now catnerd: it’s ladybug turtle man: oh not again vye pier ee on: you serious man??

Marinette was tempted to make a voice chat, just to hear Chat Noir’s reaction when he found out who the impostor was. She’d pay for a ticket to see his face. She could almost picture it now - eyes wide, mouth open with shock, eyebrows furrowed with the indignation of betrayal.

Adrien was a man on a mission, and for some reason, even after last game’s debacle, nobody ever seemed to trust him. 

catnerd has voted. foxy lady has voted. turtle man has voted. vye pier ee on has voted. Ryuko has voted. Pegasus has voted. king kong has voted. time bunny has voted.

Pegasus: Rena’s pretty sus too. foxy lady: the game literally just started chat called the meeting just to get ladybug out ladybubs: and it’s not gonna work. catnerd: beware the bug!! ladybubs: ha ha. everyone knows the cat scratches harder. catnerd: wanna bet? ladybug: actually, yes. i’ll beat you into the dirt. catnerd: oh it’s on vye pier ee on: it’s never wise to challenge ladybug in anything man catnerd: >:3 ladybubs: >:3 turtle man: knock off your flirting and vote ladybug ladybubs has voted.

It was cute, how much he got into the game, Marinette decided. Even if he’d never beat her. She was a master strategist. She knew how to play the social game. She’d win every time. Still. It was adorable how he thought he could hold a candle to that. She held back a giggle as she watched him reply in the chat, thinking of how his face must have looked, challenging her.

Adrien was going to expose Ladybug and win this time. I mean, they couldn’t eject him every time, right? He was bound to win, one way or another. Even though he never won any games he played with her. This one was his for the taking. It’s on, Bug.

catnerd was not An Impostor.

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Ok, so I'm gonna start posting one-shots from my post putting others first one-shot book onto here. First, we have Trust In Me which is Roceit obviously.

Synopsis: It's been an entire week since the video and Roman hasn't come out of his room at all, not even to eat. After a discussion with Thomas and a heavy scolding from Remus, Janus realises that Roman has had a severe creative burn out.

Can Janus help Roman recover?

P.s This is based on my head cannon that Janus can force sides to sleep if they're not looking after themselves. I know in the video it saids denial but I think Janus's core functions are Deceit and Self Preservation especially because of the language he used during putting others first.

Tw: Self Harm, not looking after one's self and creative burnout.

It had been nearly over a week since the video and Roman had refused to let anyone in his room. After a talk with Virgil and Janus, they had both managed to make amends, Patton was so relieved. Thomas not only took time for himself but he talked with Virgil and reassured him that he trusted him. The youtuber also apologised to Logan for ignoring him and reassured him that he would listen to him more often. However, Thomas was overworking himself and began to sleep less. Everyone including Thomas thought Roman needed time to heal, boy they were wrong.

That brought Thomas to today, he was sleep-deprived and barely functioning. He knew that Janus would be the best one to call to help solve the problem due to him being the expert on self-care.

Janus sunk up in his new spot in the kitchen. He looked at Thomas with deep worry and concern.

"How can I help you, Thomas?!"

"I haven't been able to sleep, I took your advice but then I kept staying up later and later jotting down ideas."

"Ah, I see, Roman hasn't come out of his room since the video, he hasn't come down for meals. Every time Patton has left a plate outside Roman's door it has remained untouched. We haven't even been able to sink into Roman's room."

"Oh no that's bad!"

"Heck yeah and you deserve it, Roman's half of the imagination was on fire and I had to put it out all by myself."

"That kind of language won't help Thomas, Remus."

"You don't have the right to tell me what to do! Especially after you abandoned me and broke my brother."

"Re, he made fun of my name, he needed to know he was wrong. I was just trying to teach him."

"Don't you lie to me, you know your comeback broke him, in fact, it was worse. Look at Thomas and tell me that's a sign Thomas is ok."

"Your right, Thomas im going to use my powers on Roman. Lie down as you may begin to feel yourself drift off. Also, I advise you take a creative break as that will help Roman fully recover from whatever state he's gotten himself into."

"Thanks, Janus, make sure to send him to me when he feels better."

"Don't worry I will do, now do yourself a favour and sleep."

Thomas sunk into the covers and looked up to the sky before trying to fall asleep. Meanwhile, Janus and Remus sunk into the mindscape and hurried to Roman's Room. Remus tried the door nob but it was locked.

"Remus break down the door!"

"Yes sir!"

Remus summoned his morning star and began beating at the door till it was nothing but splinters. When the duo walked in they were absolutely heartbroken at the sight they saw. Roman was at his desk trying to come up with more ideas. The creative side, looked as thin as a twig, his prince costume was on the ground torn and he had bags underneath his eyes that could rival Virgil's eye shadow.

Roman hadn't even taken notice of the door being broken by Remus. His focus was purely on jotting down in his crimson red note book. Remus grabbed the torn up Prince costume.

"Remus go fix his costume, I can handle this!"

"J-J-Jay?"

"I'll take care of him, Remus."

"Thank you!"

Roman punched the desk in frustration, he was trying his hardest to help Thomas be productive and come up with good ideas. He couldn't remember the last time he slept or ate but he remembered that he needed to prove to Thomas that he was useful. He looked at his wrist and saw yet another bruise form on his already damaged body.

"Oh Roman, we've all been so worried, you haven't been eating any of the food Patton left outside of your door."

The creative side jumped at the sight of the snake. He was sure he had locked his door but when he saw the broken-down door he was highly confused. Roman looked at Janus with a cold expression.

"Roman, listen to me it's been over a week, Thomas is burned out for the constant input your giving. You need to rest, you've burnt yourself out."

"Why do you care snake, I'm the bad guy, I'm the one hurting Thomas and why did the others send you I thought they wanted me to be useful for Thomas and not hurt him."

"Roman, you're not hurting Thomas, you're hurting yourself, why can't you see that?"

"Because I'm always wrong, maybe we should go to the callback wrong, you're the bad guy wrong. Every time I share my ideas I'm wrong. It was wrong for me to make fun of your name it's actually gorgeous and suits you it's just I thought it was what the others wanted but clearly as always I was wrong."

"Oh Roman, how did we let you fall so far? I shouldn't have reacted the way I did you and Remus are not evil or similar your just both opposites and that's amazing. We all love you, Roman, when I nodded I was trying to reassure you that Thomas was telling the truth. You do so much for us."

"I-I how can I trust you, the others told me you were trying to manipulate me?!"

"I apologise for my behaviour I should have never targeted your self-esteem the way I did."

"It's ok it's my fault I should have been better but you see locked away I can be."

"No this is unhealthy behaviour, you're destroying yourself."

"I'll do- hey put me down!"

"Roman you need to rest!"

Janus gently placed Roman down on his King-sized bed. He closed his eyes focusing all of his energy on using his powers.

"N-no, need to help T-"

"Roman look at me you need to rest, you've gotten yourself severely ill."

"Jan-"

"Shhhh, Roman you need to rest."

"J-"

"It's ok, I'm right here, now sleep."

Janus gently stroked Roman's hair as his powers began to take effect. He continued to soothe the worn-out creative side.

"Don't fight it you need to rest."

"Janus how a-"

"Sleep."

Roman wanted to fight it to stay awake but for the first time in weeks, he felt so relaxed. The creative side drifted off into unconsciousness. Janus tucked Roman in and gently kissed him on the cheek. He then grabbed the thermometer and checked the temperature of the creative side. Janus gasped out how hot Roman was, this indeed was a severe burnout and it would take at least a few weeks to nurse Roman back to help. Guilt struck his heart if only they'd bothered to barge into Roman's room after the video, then this wouldn't have happened.

"Rest well, my love."

Roman groaned in pain, he felt as hot as lava. Everything was blurry and the only thing he could make out was a blur of dark blue and black.

"L-Logan?"

"It's alright Janus is in the kitchen, he told me what happened."

"I'm so-"

"I don't want to hear it Roman, I understand what it's like to feel like your not listened too. I forgive you, now drink up if you weren't a figment of Thomas we would have lost you by now."

"Pft thanks teach."

Roman accepted the cup of water and gulped it down as slowly as he could. His hand shook violently trying to hand the cup back to Logan.

The next time Roman, awoke was when he felt his mouth tingle. He adjusted to his surroundings releasing that he was still sick. The creative side gasped in shock weakly, when he saw the tall figure of his brother towering over him.

"You're an idiot you know that righty."

"Right, where's Jan?"

"In the kitchen again, he thinks some sweet things will help. Sorry, it's just I was so worried especially when we broke into your room."

"I understand, Rem I-"

"I know but promise me you'll stop this self-destructive, behaviour."

"I-I can't promise but I'll try my very best."

"Good Ro-bro, now open wide you need to take some medicine."

Roman's tongue tingled in delight feeling the strawberry flavoured liquid go down. He eventually once again felt drowsy and drifted off back to sleep.

Once again Roman awoke but this time he could hear soft Disney Music echoing across the room. He blinked and saw a soft blur of black and purple.

"Ha knew that would wake you up, princey."

"Virgil?!"

"Before you start questioning your brothers with Janus making share the snake gets some rest. He's never left your side you know, for hours he would only leave to cook you food."

"I-I didn't think-"

"Of course you thought that, oh how I wished me and Patton were less hard on you during the courtroom. We should have realised that you're just a fragile little butterfly sooner."

"Why am I a butterfly?"

"Because butterflies are so beautiful and graceful."

"Im not beautiful a-"

"Roman Creativity Sanders, I will not sit here and watch you talk bad about yourself. You matter and you are so important, if it wasn't for you Thomas wouldn't be where he is today if it wasn't for you Thomas wouldn't have a fan base that adore and idolise him. You're the one who tries to make Logan loosen up, you're the one who makes sure Patton is happy and you reassure me that Thomas is safe to take risks. You make us better!"

"I-I-"

"Well, it seems I've left you speechless, this is not your fault Roman, we're your fam-ILY we should have noticed that we were hurting you."

"Sor-"

"Not everything is on you Roman, you always try to be better, you tried to be nicer to me but I didn't do that in return."

"Um thanks, I guess."

"Here Patton made you some healing soup."

Roman carefully chugged down the soup, his hands still felt extremely achy. The next time he woke up to someone other than Janus was when he felt water trickling down his forehead. Roman looked up to see a familiar light blue and grey blur towering over him.

"Shh it's only me kiddo, how are you feeling?"

"Boiling."

"Your fevers died down, thanks to Thomas taking a creative break."

"He really did that for me?"

"Of course Kiddo, we've all been trying to help you recover especially Janus. In fact, he's talking with Thomas right now."

"I-I thought you all hated me, I thought everything I did wasn't good enough."

"Don't ever say that again I really do mean it kiddo we love ya. From now on I'm gonna show how much we care. I see it now that I wasn't just hurting Thomas with my strictness it hurt you too and for that I'm sorry. You're allowed to be flawed."

"Thanks, padre it-it um means alot to me."

"Now here you're still sick so you still need to take your medicine."

It took approximately four weeks for Roman to heal from his drastic creative burnout. The side crawled out of bed and changed into his black undergarments. He still didn't quite feel worthy of his Prince costume but he still felt ready to confront his others. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted by Janus who looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"R-Roman, you've fully recovered."

"Yeah, mainly thanks to you, why didn't you tell us your other main functions were denial and self-preservation."

"Only Virgil and Remus knew of my functions and powers. I just knew that you guys wouldn't believe me."

"Well, I'm very grateful you stayed by my side."

"Ah, it was nothing but seriously both you and Thomas need to learn that selfishness can be good sometimes."

"I remember me, telling you I went against you to please the others and that still stands. You were right from the beginning and I should have realised you were trying to tell me that giving up the call back to please the others was not ok."

"I'm glad you've learned and I promise you if you lie about how your feeling I'll call you out on it."

"Thank you, Janus."

"My pleasure Roman, I did promise to send you to Thomas as soon as you'd recovered but I'm sure your starving, Patton cooked your favourite."

"Mmmm lasagne."

"Bon appetite."

After that horrible burnout, Roman never ever bottled up his feelings, he even got to share his room with Remus. Thomas got another callback and he made sure this time that he compromised with his friends. It took a while but a lot of the fanders began to understand Roman's importance and problems as well. Roman stans were no longer the rarity.

The End

[trickstercheebs]

fuck we have to CHOOSe one? Uuuuh "✿: feeling so out of it, they need constant attention" AGP sick Gordon and the team? and/or "+: being led back to bed with patient whispers" but they dont have bodies yet, just worry

YOU GOT IT! here we go

He had walked back in and half the team knew something was wrong. He looked flushed as hell despite it being 70 degrees outside..Half the time they tried talking to him he had to be called to attention multiple times, clearly something was wrong.

“Gordon..? Gordon are you okay? What’s wrong you never act like this....hello?”

Tommy was the first to try and get Gordon to explain what was going on, he brushed them off weakly saying he just felt a little light headed...But the way he talked sounded like he barely heard Tommy talking.

Coomer tried next, knowing his usual greeting always got a response, his normal smile fell when Gordon didn’t fully respond for several minutes, even Bubby had finally dropped the snark in favor of seeing what the hell was going on with their Gordon.

“Hey, hey what the fuck is actually going on Gordon...You’ve never acted like this before, are you dying on us or something? You fucking better not or else I’m going to fucking come out there...okay? Just...just dont fucking die on us for real Gordon.”

Gordon by now had slumped back into his chair watching the AI’s frantically figure out what’s wrong, the strongest of them now cracking with worry when their usual antics and nonsense got....nothing back.

“Guys....guys I’m not gonna die okay..? I’m...just a lil sick is all, just a lil fever nothing to worry about. “

“Bullshit bro, that...that doesnt look like a normal fever...Gordon you need to get into bed. Shit’s not good to just stay in the chair for...”

Benry had finally shown his own worry after watching Gordon just....sit there unmoving and staring off into space for a half hour, it wasn’t fun to watch him do that knowing he’s delirious and shit.

“Ben...ry? Shit since when did you become a mother hen..? heheh..I must be out of it then if I have you freaking out at me..”

The others were trying to figure out what to do, how to get Gordon to get better or at least fucking sleep..The fact they lacked bodies made this all entirely and unnecessarily harder to do. Tommy and Coomer combed over wikipedia and any health web pages on how to best combat a cold. Bubby kept on trying to berate and convince Gordon to go to sleep and rest with little to no success.

Benry though was wanting to try some other methods. If Gordon was this fucking out of it...maybe he could try the only method he had available left. 

Giving a quick word to the others on what the fuck was about to go down and getting the “Go ahead we have no fucking other ways.” he slipped into Gordons phone and tested the waters of Gordons mind.

Like Tommy and Coomer, Benry sometimes delved into the deep oceans of knowledge that Wikipedia offered, mostly on some stupid meme shit.. But as of late he had delved into the science of the mind and sleep. Mostly to figure out how he could slip into Gordons mind at night..and maybe how the whole subconscious worked.

He found nothing but stupid ass jargon but some of the things he learned were interesting...Like that at certain stages of delirium and sleep deprivation, the mind enters a sleep like state...or as close to it as possible. 

Benry smiled to himself as he felt himself slide into Gordons mind with practiced ease. The others wouldn’t know what was going on on this side of things...But if it worked like he hoped Gordon would be fine and in bed soon.

“Gordon...hey dumbass look at me for a second.. C’mon sleepy head, lil baby needs to be put down for a nap.”

“B....Benry? Issat you?”

“Yeah? C’mon I need you to get up, take the headphones off bro.”

Gordon blinked owlishly up at the guard now standing above him smiling softly...When did he get here? Was he always here...?

“When’d you get out here dude? ...what the shit’s going on?”

“Don’t worry about it bro, c’mon get up outta the chair, bed’s alot better for baby time naps. I’ll join you even if you want Gordon....”

“...that sounds....actually kinda nice..? alright.”

Benry sighed softly in relief as Gordon pushed himself out of the chair at last, hearing the muted cheers from the rest of the science team as he stumbled towards the bed nearby.

Gordon all but collapsed onto the edge of said bed, and with some more prompting by Benry shuffled under the covers to sleep like a decent human being. Benry himself couldnt do much aside from mime sitting on the edge of the bed and talk to him until sleep finally claimed Gordon at long last a hour later.

The rest of the science team went about their day, checking up on Gordon via phone to see if he was still asleep or feeling at all better.. They didn’t entirely understand where Benry went, Coomer had one idea but that was something to discuss in private with Benry himself.

As for Benry, he stayed hidden in Gordon’s hazy fever dreams to keep him company. With the fever affecting him it made things ten times stranger....Not that he minded, he could gently shift things away from nightmarish topics and have a bit of fun with Gordon, who did not seem to know or mind whatever the hell was going on.

Of course he also indulged in some nonsense of his own at Gordon’s expense, he accompanied him on his feverish adventures and played along with whatever logic Gordon’s brain supplied... and of course using the cover of dreams to kiss and cuddle whenever possible with the poor man.

Several hours later, Benry slipped back into the computer to say Gordon had gone into a dreamless deeper sleep..But now all they had to do was wait and hope in the morning things would be better.

Morning came and went, and later into the afternoon Gordon finally managed to pull himself from sleeps loving embrace with a coughing yawn.

“Gordon?? Gordon you’re alive! Good morning!”

“Hello...Tommy? Tommy what time is it...? Where’s my phone at...”

Fumbling about with a slow groan he dug his phone out of the blanket nest he made in his sleep...When the hell did he get here? Christ he barely remembered yesterday even...it was four in the afternoon...Wow he was out cold for almost a full day.

“Holy fuck I must of been deadass...Sorry guys, I felt like utter shit yesterday, didn’t mean to scare you all if I did, I barely remember being conscious at all.”

“That’s all well and fine Gordon, but you must learn to take better care of yourself! You had us worried it was something much more dire.”

“Sorry Dr. Coomer...and you’re right I should take better care of myself from now on..I had some fucking weird dreams though..”

“Like what Gordon?”

“Well....”

He shifted in bed to get more comfortable, he still felt bad but...least he could talk to the others semi normally now. The dreams he had were strange as hell come to think of it, most of them he couldnt remember for shit aside from a handful.

“I could of sworn at some point Benry was yelling at me to get into bed and stop doing stupid shit...”

“Bro that wasn’t a dream I was yelling at you to take a lil baby nap for like...two hours. You’re a stubborn lil man.”

“No I mean...I mean like actually yelling at me, like face to face physically..”

“Wow bro, you dreamin me up out there with you? Shit sounds gay, if I was really there I’d just throw you into bed instead of just yelling.”

“Dude shut up..I guess I was probably hallucinating while you were all telling me to sleep..”

“That sounds about right, you were very very delirious all day Gordon. I’m glad to see you’re doing a bit better now.”

“Me too Dr. Coomer..I guess I should get some cold medicine now huh?”

“If you fucking dont im blowing your entire savings right here and now.”

“Alright alright jesus Bubby...I’m glad I have all of you to worry over me hahah”

Gordon laughed softly as he finally got out of bed to find his cold meds and get started on getting rid of this cold.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Happy Famlies

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: This AU is exactly what is sounds like. Everyone gets a happy family. 

Feat. Dadmight, and his sons Izuku and Tenko, Big Bro Dabi with his little bro, Shinson and his Dadzawa.

allmight n inko end up dating and tenko n izu are brothers

dabi and tenko are third year ua herocourse students when izu and the others join

tenko is a soft sunshine boy cause izu rubbed off on him a lot

dabi wants to be an underground hero so he'll never be like his father

todoroki takes the entrance exam so inasa and hitoshi are recommendation students

izuku kills the exam because he starts ua being able to use full cowl 5%, breaking allmights record with a whopping 130 points

because consider dabi, shouto, izu, tenko and hitoshi all singing karaoke together, dabi has a tambourine and tenko is violently shaking maracas

izuku and inko dont know toshi is allmight, but tenko and toshi are terrible liars

the first time toshi meets izuku its just tenko presenting him saying "you gotta give it to him dad"

izu is only 5 n still broken up about having no quirk, toshi says he might just be a late bloomer while tenko nods

toshi sneaks izuku his quirk when he turns 7, izuku wakes up n accidentally punches a hole in the ceiling, he n katsuki make up cause izuku has a bomb ass quirk even if it does break his bones

he and inko just think he was a late bloomer cause his quirk was so strong. tenko and toshi highfive

seven year old izuku walking back into his house like mom i broke both my arms again :(((

katsuki actually helps him work out the flick thing

"it breaks my arms!" "then use less you dumb fuck!" "oh yeah actually thank you"

they’re so used to shouting criticisms while sparring that they still do it after they enter ua

when they spar at the sports festival mic can’t get a word of commentary in bc it’s just a constant slew of

“kACCHAN I TOLD U TO STOP LEADING WITH UR RIGHT”

“SHIITY DEKU IF U LAND LIKE THAT UR GONNA BREAK UR LEGS”

dabi n tenko the third years can hear them in their own stadium. tenko is cheering softly, dabi has a heart attack when he sees the walls of ice

izu has a massive handshapped scar on his wrist from when tenko saved him by pulling him out of the way of a car

he doesnt mind it but it makes tenko sad so he wears a lil cuff over it

tenko snuck in to watch the entrance exam he n toshinori are cheering quietly, the other teachers just sigh

izuku broke allmights record for points scored in the entrance exam but hes still scared he failed

tenko wants to s c r e a m

USJ ANGST TIME

starts as normal students enter, villains arrive kurogiri has an ear piece and is talking with afo directly, some of the 8 prefects goons are there too

hitoshi used his quirk on kurogiri to find out who they are, but is targeted after that and the villains know not to respond

the students are scattered, its izu/tsuyu and hitoshi. they do the whirlpool thing w/o the sitcking, hitoshi instructs them to tread water and not to move

hitoshi is nearing quirk overuse, tsuyu is shaken, izu is pretty much ok

aizawa is fighting the villains as normal, the nomu arrives

hitoshi tries to mind control the nomu, kurogiri attempts to direct one of the nomus punches to hitoshi, aizawa cancels the portal, severing one of the nomus arms. its grows back, aizawa is beaten

izuku charges forward, fighting the nomu with a higher percentage of full cowl than he can safely use but they are evenly matched

todoroki shows up, cant help because the two are moving so fast he cant aim his quirk and not hit mido

he and hitoshi keep kurogiri busy

before allmight arrives, dabi and tenko do, after seeing tenya running towards the school

izuku can barely move, over using his quirk to the point that he has countless micro fractures and the nomu has landed a few punches, and he took others to protect aizawa

tenko yells at dabi to grab izuku, kurogiri mentions that his master killed tenkos family and hes pissed

he cant stand up to the nomu but shouto makes an opening and he and dabi try to damage it as best they can, shouto has to hold izuku down to stop him from joining the fight again

allmight arrives, quickly dispatches the nomu, turns on Kurogiri

so tenko, allmight and a shaky izu are all facing down kurogiri while afo is trying to convince him to keep fighting

reinforcements arrive and kuro nopes out

as soon as the portal closes, izuku collapses and tenko n allmight rush over, shouto is grabbing onto dabi and hitoshi is trying to get aizawa to respond

hitoshi, crying, has to ask dabi to pick up his dad because his arms are shaking to bad hes scared he might drop him

tenko has no gloves anymore and he cant touch izuku and hes just lost, shouto wraps an arm around him and hitoshi n they cry as dabi takes aizawa and allmight takes izuku to recovery girl

aizawa n izu in the same hospital, hitoshi tells him what izuku did n aizawa fucking, breaks out of bed like a jackass to call him a problem child then fucking limps back

less depressingly, happy families dabi and tenko do "get help" from Thor Ragnarok

"gET heLP hEs BUrnINg UP"

aizawa : "kids that movie is like 240 years old"

izuku : "so... you know it then?"

aizawa: "fuck"

nighteye and gran torino are izuku and tenko's terrible uncles

he stars school at 5%, internships is 10%, camp gets him up to 15% so hes around 25% at the eri rescue

ochako being a terrible influence on kirishima

“uraraka i like katsuki. what do”

“push it down”

“what”

“pUSH UR FEELINGS Down”

also happy families shouto actually interns w nighteye n izu because dabi said he was an ass so no death thanks

one person asks izuku what his quirk is

he pauses

"aaaaaaaaaa"

"hm"

"my mum has minor levitation and my dad is quirkless"

izuku pauses again.

"wait"

"wait im not toshis biologically"

"waiT Who WAs My FirST Dad?"

shouto thinks inko has an affair w allmight then married his secretary but izuku met toshinori through tenko so he just lays down on the floor and screams

shouto’s brain is going to explode one day

consider tenko and izuku looking soft and pure but you turn around and suddenly you dont have a wallet and your food is gone

happy family izuku and kastuki were eachothers first kiss but in a dumb ass way

izuku was like "i need to ruin my frist kiss so the next one will be better"

"wow me too, you seem like the worlds worst option!"

"cool!"

they both almost gagged afterwards

tenko walked in on them violently scrubbing their lips

“wow katsuki who was ur first kiss”

bakugou stares off fondly into the distance

“deku :))”

"it was fucking terrible" wistful sigh

izuku, blushing happily: “id never do it again”

izuku: "yeah i scrubbed my face until it bleed so none of my skin would be tainted"

first week of 1a, someone asking izuku if he and katsuki are/were dating so izuku asks ochako to launch him into the sun

no matter how many people they date everyone always insists that katsuki and izuku are dating each other

izuku is actually dating shouto but no one believes him for some reason

dabi and hitoshi find it so funny

please consider dabi being the frontrunner of these rumours, like these random first years will come up to izuku while he’s eating lunch with shouto and they’ll be in t e a r s

“wHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON BAKUGOU SENPAI?”

izuku starts crying

shouto, totally deadpan: "i thought our love was real, izu-chan"

izuku wheezes

they have a katsudeku fan club and shouto’s the mascot

dabi is in it. hes a full hero at this point but nezu gave him a pass so he could attend

they have weekly meetings

it’s dabi, shouto, kirishima and like twenty first year girls from every class

shouto, in a deadpan voice: “good morning girls today i saw katsuki and izuku sharing bread. discuss”

kirishima is one of the most popular fanartists

tenko loves the meme but looking at his brother and bakugo “dating” makes him deeply upset so he breaks in to decay all the art on the walls once a week

he crowds shouto in tears one day

“how are you okay with your boyfriend and your classmate being the subjects of such horrid art”

shouto, deadpan: “it’s just a prank bro”

izuku falls asleep in the common room and toshi carries him back to his room and has to call tenko to unlock the door for him. tenko was in his own dorm on the other side of school.

he sprinted

iida the good boy finishes his essays the week before and hands them in a day early

izuku, the hot mess, procrastinates by training until he cant feel his arms and doing any other subject work than the stuff due, stays up till 4am to finish his essay and doesnt go back to sleep cause its time for his morning run

they get the same grades

no one knows izuku is a hot mess

Dabi is like izuku but he doesnt study hes just depressed

Tenko finishes his the day before but he gets izuku to read it over

shouto does his essays in class

aizawa wants to be mad but he remembers him mic n tensei distracting the teachers for as long as they can to violently finish their essays

“katsuki why didn’t you finish your essay”

“i was making oreos from scratch sensei”

"fair, give me some and you can hand in it wednesday"

he bribes every single teacher into giving him extensions and no one can refuse him bc his extra spicy curry is to die for. he maybe sometimes he helps deku get an extension too but if he does that’s no one else’s business but his

izuku acts so soft w the others "oh isnt kacchans food so good? "

but he climbs into through katsukis window

"bitch whats the recipe"

izuku banging on katsuki s window at five in the morning: “kacchan give me ur fucking curry recipe you promised it to me three years ago”

bakugos hands shake as he tries to call aizawa

“i see u calling sensei kacchan, put the phone down and no one gets hurt”

he has one of katsukis limited editing all might figurines in his hand

“give me the recipe and all might lives katsuki. it doesn’t have to end this way”

shouji, stressed and sleep deprived walks into bakugou’s room just to see izuku menacingly trying to force his way in while bakugou is crying

[im-tops-bottom]

An idea my sleep deprived mind came up with

After the stupid civil war, Tony spends more time making better suits and weapons for everyone.

Thor and Bruce had returned a year later saying Loki tricked them and had been working alongside their sister Hela who destroyed Asgard. Now they are heading for earth with Thanos. They're bringing the war to them.

So yeah Tony Stark became real busy. Especially since he had to not only organize Pepper and Natasha's wedding, but also bring the rogues back, attend SI meetings and make new products for the company to sell. Sleep left his dictionary and was replaced with more energy drinks and more coffee.

At least he had Shuri and Peter to help take some of the load. Those alphas are going to grow up to be the best the world has ever seen. Tony is proud of them.

A week later the rogues return, Tony manages to organize several different products and a few updates on previous ones to keep the board happy for the remainder of the year, get at least one new suit for each hero and all new tech courtesy of the kids (especially when Harley came over for a visit and got several new types of arrows organized), and also managed to get a 3 hour sleep on there.

After everything was done, a day later was the wedding. Tony had ignored the rogues, the paps and anyone else who he didn't deem family. It was pretty much easy as he mainly kept to himself in his isolated corner. It was better when it was nearing close to midnight and everyone was tipsy amd chatting away, he had left to return back to the compound.

A couple of days later everyone decided to do some training, well mostly everyone.

"Thor have you seen Tony? He should be here training"

"he has barely left his lab. Always looking for better ways to upgrade everything for when Thanos finally reaches us. None of us know exactly what Thanos is bringing so it'll be best to be better prepared"

Steve frowns before rolling his eyes and giving up. Ever since everyone found out about Steve's secret and wjat happened im sibera, Steve had been working non stop to seek forgiveness from his team. Ever since finding out from Thor and Bruce that Tony had been right all along he had been seeking Tony's forgiveness for everything. It had been a difficult process since Tony hates Steve and is terrified of Bucky. He Huff's as he starts training.

The next day is when everything turns to shit. Tony finally decides to join everyone for lunch when Loki Grace's them with his presence. All his attention had mainly been on Tony which made everyone nervous.

"what do you want green bean?"

"only to make the battlefield even"

"what do you mean by that?"

"we need to take Earth's greatest defender down a notch or two"

"good luck taking down Captain America"

"who says it was him?"

Tony gets sent across the room via green magic hitting him. He growls as he stands up. He drops a few seconds later as he has an urge to vomit.

"that should do the trick"

"what did you do to Tony?"

"a person can't fight if they're pregnant. Now hmmm who should I make the father?? Oooh I know"

That night Tony had locked himself away in his room not letting anyone aside from vision who can go through walls in. After a panic attack followed with a massive rant, vision had calmed him down saying it wasn't good for the baby.

"you'll work something out tony Stark. You always do."

The problem with all of this was that Tony was a firm believer in bonding with someone first before having a baby. He always had beta's to get him through his heats just in case. Now not only is he having a baby whose father is the winter soldier but said alpha is buddied up with boyfriend Captain alpha tight pants. How is an unmated omega sub (he was really into BDSM) meant to cope having a baby. All sorts of emotions and hormones are going to be kicking in soon. He was not prepared.

"those two alphas can go get fucked if they think I'll let them anywhere near me. I'll let them see the baby once it pops out but until then they can stay away from me"

"Tony maybe you should sit down and half a civilized talk with them. anyone you want can be there with you while you guys clear the air. After that maybe you could think about everything with a clear head"

Tony sighs as he lays down with his head om Jarvis lap.

"your right. I'm sorry about being closed off. I never meant to but I'm just scared and angry."

"it's understandable now go shower and we'll go and get the both of you something to eat."

3 months later tony is sick of everyone. They are too careful around Tony. Do everything around the house. Does the heavy lifting for everything. Makes sure Tony eats and sleeps properly. Banned him from alcohol and coffee. Amd have tried to push him to talk with the super soldiers. Everyone except Pepper and Nat who is always present whenever tony is alome with the soldiers.

Tony relaxes on the couch one night while watching a movie. He tenses as he feels Wanda's presence. She sits at the far end of the couch to start off with and then Tony feels a headache come on as she slowly slides down the cpuch towards him. In frustration he turns his head amd growls as he watches her eye his stomach.

"would you just hurry up and get over here dammit"

Wanda smiles as she slides all the way down. She slowly raises her hand and it annoys Tony so he quickly grabs it and places it softly on his tummy. They both jolt in surprise.

"did the baby just?"

"yeah I think they did"

"wow"

"I know right"

They sit there and watch a new movie while smiling everytime there was movement. They snuggled up laughing amd chatting away before they got into the serious conversation Tony had been holding off since the two met. Afrer crying and hugging they returned back to their original position and carried on watching the movie.

After the 4th movie played, Wanda in all her beta goodness tried to keep a tense Tony calm. It didn't take long to find out why he was tense when she looked up and saw a growling Bucky amd a worried Steve.

"get away from him witch"

"Steve take your guard dog and get out of here. She's allowed tobe here"

"tony I don't thi-"

"you don't ever think and that's your problem not mine"

Everyone tensed as Bucky's growling got louder as he got closer to Wanda. Wanda sighed amd looked at Tony. They have a silent conversation before nodding. Wanda gets up after kissing Tony's stomach and head.

"have a good night Tony"

"yeah you two Wanda".

Tony watched Wanda leave before glaring at Bucky who completely ignored him and sat on the couch and dragged Tony onto his lap. He was trying to figure out what Bucky was doing until it was too late.

"WHAT THE FUCK JAMES? DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST DO THAT? STEVE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DONT GET HIM OUT OF HERE I WILL KILL HIM"

Steve rolled his eyes as he sat on the couch and nuzzled Tony as well. His had held Bucky's while they laid it on Tony's tummy.

"I'm gonna murder the both of you in your sleep"

"we need to talk Tony"

"you come in here, scare a kid-"

"she's not a kid"

"away, amd then mark your god damn territory! Seriously! Now I'm gonna be smelling like the both of you animals"

Bucky growled as he nipped Tony's shoulder letting out a "good" before carrying Tony back to his and Steve's bed where they lay claim and Mark Tony over and over again until their scents become one.

The next day while the soldiers sleep Tony heads over to Wanda's room. She smells him and says "oh no" before calling the girls. Food, drinks, chick flicks, games, blankets and a few other things come along as the girls have a girl's day in with Tony. Tony tells them what had happened and the girl pamper him which calms him down. He smiles as he gets a massage from Nat while Pepper is painting his toe nails amd Maria is doing his finger nails.

Tony tenses as there's a frantic knock at the door. May opens it up as Thor rushes in saying that Tony needs to head down to the medical bay quick. Tony and the girls follow Thor quickly and 10 minutes later tony is a mess again.

"Loki did this? I'm gonna kill someone real soon."

Turns out tony is gonna have two babies. Both girls. One belongs to Bucky and the other belongs to Steve. Speaking of the two, they rush into the room along with everyone else. Tony yells at them and then explains to everyone who didn't know, what had happened. Clint points out that Loki must have known what happened.

With much reluctance Tony allows Steve to carry him back to the super soldier room so they can cuddle some more. The cuddling turned out to be more scenting, more claiming, more marking. Tony says fuck it and bites Steve and Bucky's bond marks right back. Hard enough that they bleed for a minute before healing which shocks the soldiers.

"you want me? Okay sure. But I'm going to make it a living hell for the both of you. You wanna talk? Fine lets talk. Talking starts now."

Alot of yelling amd talkimg comes into play and everyone says what they need to say. Tears and pain come in but no one gives a shit as they finally clear the air. Tony makes an effort to let them know that babies and bonding doesn't change anything and they need to work real hard for his forgiveness and trust. They promise they will.

"do you also promise to not tear Wanda's head off Everytime she is near me?"

"that witch messed with you. She is still an untrained Hydra agent who has powers. No"

"fine I'll get her a tutor who can train her. I'll ask Xavier or Stephen to help out. Once she is trained then can we sit down for cuddles and watch movies eith the girls in peace?"

"fine but Friday will keep an eye on you guys"

"ugh fine"

Months later finds Tony go into labour while everyone fights thanos and his army. Captain Marvel comes in and saves the day and breaks Loki and hela from thanos'hold much to Thor's relief.

Steve and Bucky race into the hospital room and stand guard as they watch Tony give birth to two adorable pups. One with blond hair and another with brown. After Tony scents them, he passes them to Steve snf Bucky so they can scent them as well. They take the babies while Tony gets some rest amd introduce them to their new family.

As Tony falls asleep hr smiles at his mates knowing nothing will be the same ever again. It also didn't help that Bucky said they plan on properly getting Tony pregnant.

5 years later finds a hectic mummy Tony running making breakfast while everyone takes a baby each to bathe, change amd feed. Tony is pissed off because of his stupid mates.

"20! I HAVE 20 FUCKEN CHILDREN! 10 EACH! AMD YOU TWO STILL WANT MORE! AM I RUNNING A SCHOOL HERE! IM SURE THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! I HATE YOU TWO"

"language honey. There are children around"

"and besides. We did say that our families were known for giving birth to more than 2 children at a time. We can't help that it probably double due to the serum"

"Steve was fine. I had 2 to 4 children. YOU ON THE OTHER HAND! I GAVE BIRTH TO 9 OF THOSE LITTLE RUNTS! 9 BUCKY! WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Bucky laughs as he walks over to Tony and hugs him. He places his hand over Tony's tummy and lets out a happy sigh.

"and I have 8 more on the way"

"and then it'll be my turn"

"it sure will Stevie. It sure will"

"I really really hate the both of you"

"hey! It comes with benefits. You aren't doing much work now as everyone else is having fun doing it for your and loving their Jobs, you are also hurt free, and have a proper eatinf and sleeping schedule."

"we also get to spend more time with you with lots of cuddling."

"I feel like if I wasn't an Omega then you guys would have just tied me down to the bed amd kept an eye on me 24/7 so I couldn't leave"

"if we didn't love the feeling of seeing you with our pups then that would have been a guarantee. Our kink? Pregnant Tony"

"even better kink, our Tony pregnant with our pups,,"

"now since breakfast is ready, eat up sweetie because we are horny"

"I'm five seconds away from fucking Tony on the kitchen table. Do we have to wait.?"

"well no"

"great"

Bucky picks up Tony who yelps and carries him away. Steve stands there and stares at everyone.

"right. I'll grab our breakfast and everyone can dish themselves out some."

Steve races to their room with food and drinks in hand....well on a tray

[lovemesomesurveys]

So far, how has summer been treating you? Blah. I really don’t like summer, it’s just hot and miserable and adds to/intensifies my already crappiness. It’s just not a good time. The only good thing are the times I’m able to go to the beach. When was the last time you had a slushie? I have no idea. It’s been quite awhile. Is there someone you miss right now? There’s a few people I’ll always miss.  How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Zero. Do you prefer sticky notes or cork boards? I have a bulletin board and marker board. I use my marker all the time to put appointment card reminders and write important dates on and stuff. 

What was the last movie you watched online? Like through something like Netflix? It was a Marvel movie I think, but I forget which one. It was awhile ago. Is there much drama going on in your life at the moment? Not drama, just other shit. Are you graduating this year? I graduated college in 2015. Do you feel like doing something radically different with your hair? I just need to get it dyed again and trimmed. I’ve also been considering possibly getting bangs again, but I don’t know. Are you in a relationship? No. Did you ever think your cell was vibrating when it wasn’t? That’s probably happened before. The last person who added you on Facebook, did you accept or decline? I think it was some random person, in which case I declined.  Are you at all interested in America’s Next Top Model? I’ve watched a few seasons here and there. I watched the last 2 most recent ones, and I’d watch a new season if they decided to make another. What did you last take a picture of? My doggo. Would you like to learn another language? I’d like to be fluent in Spanish. I should start practicing it again. What type of earphones/headphones do you own? I just have the Apple ones that you get when you get a new phone. I really want to get a pair of Beats.  Your portable musical device (mp3, iPod, etc): How old is it? I use my phone for music, which is only less than a year old.  Do you own a pet that most would consider different? No. Have you ever wanted to travel to Germany? Sure. When was the last time you used scissors? I don’t recall. What’s your favorite kind of perfume/cologne? I like fruity/sweet ones, but also ones with patchouli. As for colognes, I love cedar wood and sandalwood.  Is there a movie coming out that you would like to see soon? I want to see that movie, Don’t Let Go that just came out, but I’m really looking forward to seeing It Chapter 2. Do you love buying shoes? I’m not super big into shoes, but my thing is shirts.  Do you bother making your bed everyday? It’s always made because I sleep on top of the comforter and just use a throw blanket.  Have you had your wisdom teeth removed yet? Yeah. Have you ever been drunk and regretted it? Yeppp. Do you like to do anything artistic? Coloring is about as artistic as it gets for me. What did you last cook for yourself? Ramen. Has anyone ever called you a “pipe dreamer”? No. Who was the last person to text you? My brother. Think back to your last kiss, did you enjoy it? Yeah. Are you even slightly addicted to applying lipgloss or lipchap? Nope. Do you ever make fun of your own country? Certain things sometimes. What Internet browser do you use? Chrome. Do you consider yourself to be spoiled? You could say that. I just hate that term cause I feel like it has such a negative connotation to it. What song are you listening to right now? XO TOUR Llif3 by Lil Uzi Vert.  Are you comfortable giving random hugs? No. I’m not one to initiate a hug except for with my mom. Or my doggo, ha. Who did you last argue with? More like bickering, but probably with my dad. Do you ever have conversations with your pets? Yep.  Have you ever listened to the band Rammstein? I’ve heard of ‘em, but no I don’t think I’ve heard their stuff.  Do you have any plans for tomorrow? My mom’s birthday is coming up, so my brother and I are going to go get her presents. Who is your celebrity love? Alexander Skarsgard, duh. Are you more a Twitter person or a Facebook person? Twitter. Have you ever lost a best friend? Yeah, a few. Do you own an exercise ball? It’s not mine, but I think we have one in the garage. Xbox 360, PS3, or Wii? We don’t have a PS3, but we have a PS2 & 4, and I like to use the PS4 to watch DVDs or watch Netflix and Hulu.  Are you messy or organized? A bit of both. I didn’t use to be messy, but my room has gotten a bit cluttered. Well, it’s not really what I’d consider messy, though... I just have too much stuff.  What band / artist would you love to see live in concert? I’m sad I never got to see Linkin Park in concert with Chester. :(  Are your nails painted right now? Nope. What was the craziest color you’ve ever dyed your hair? Red. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Ha, no. Does it snow where you live? No. :( Do you have any significant scars? I have a ton of scars. I don’t know if they’re “significant” or not, but yeah. Who last had their arm around you? My mom. Are you feeling deprived of anything? Yes. Have you ever been obsessed with working out? Nope. What color is the shirt you’re wearing currently? Black. Are you talking to anyone on an IM right now? No. What did you think of the movie Avatar? I really liked it. I can’t believe it’s taken so long for the 2nd one to come out. I think we still have another couple years. Do you collect anything? Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks and key chains.  Have you ever feared the future? I do fear the future. What was your highest mark this year in school? Can you walk in 4+ inch heels? No. Is your significant other shorter, taller or the same height as you? I’m single. Is there a friend you would trust with your life? I trust my family with my life. Have you ever been purposely ditched? It felt that way. Do you live in a relatively safe area? My city isn’t the safest, but my neighborhood is. What was the last alcoholic beverage you had? I think it was a rum and Coke, but it was 6 years ago so I don’t really recall. Is there someone you know who is obsessed with Call of Duty? No. Is that even still a big thing now? Have you ever looked into the mirror and hated who you saw? I think that anytime I look in the mirror. I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible. Is there a piece of jewellry you always wear? No. I haven’t worn any jewelry in like 4 years. When was the last time you saw your significant other? Sigh. What was the longest conversation you’ve had with a person? Several hours. How many purses do you own? 8, but 1 is a mini backpack I use as a purse sometimes and another is a fanny pack. Is there something you should be doing right now? Nah. Do you wish on 11:11? No. What’s your opinion on the Gulf oil spill? Is it hot in the room you’re in right now? Ugh, it’s a bit warm. Can summer please be over?? Are you one of those people who are always rearranging the furniture? I never do that, and if I wanted to I’d need someone else to do it for me. My room is small, so there’s not much rearranging that could be done anyway. Do you listen to any music that’s really old? I like a variety of music from different decades, going back to like the 50s.  Are you a fan of the LA Lakers? I don’t care for sports. When the last time you were upset and weren’t exactly sure why? I feel that way a lot. I mean, usually there’s a reason, like an accumulation of ongoing things, or something in specific, and then there’s the depression, but sometimes in the moment I’m not sure what in particular is making me upset. I guess though it’s like I said, it’s just everything.  Have you ever been somewhere tropical? No, but I’d love to go. Would you consider yourself to be a chocoholic? Not even a little. I’m really not big on chocolate. I’ll have times where I want something and then I’ll have it and be good for awhile. I haven’t had any chocolate in quite awhile, actually. Have you ever heard of Channing Tatum’s website Post The Love? Nope. Do you know anyone who’s currently pregnant? Someone on my Facebook. Are you a fan of mix CDs? I used to make them all the time back in the day.  Has anyone ever given you their business card? Yeah. What is your dream job/career? I don’t have one.  Do you have a friend who’s naturally a redhead? No, but I have a cousin who is. Have you ever had a one night stand? No. What time is it now? 7PM.

[nova-fanart-dump]

SCIENCE LECTURE

In my fic here, Sherlock has a little brainstorming session while drugged out of his mind, and this sheet of notes below is the result of it. I decided to write out a little explanation as to what all the individual parts of it mean. The explanation will be in the format of ITEM - TRANSLATION - BREAKDOWN. The item will be the selection of the notes that the section will be explaining, copied roughly verbatim for the reader's convenience. The translation, if needed, will be translating Sherlock's (my) shorthand into standard notation. The breakdown, then, will be the explanation.

Disclaimer: I was a medical student, before I had to withdraw due to hand injury, and my area of study in undergraduate was neuroscience and neuropsychology (and music performance, but that's not relevant here). I do try and explain everything in layman's terms, but 1) it will get a little technical in parts, fair warning, and 2) I'm still learning on how best to explain concepts to other. I try my best, people!

ITEM 1: THE LIST

1) Narcotics- hallucin? (Translation: Hallucinogen)

2) Sleep dep. Halluc (Translation: Sleep deprivation Hallucination)

3) Mycroft- test?

4) Lights show

5. GMO (Translation: Genetically Modified Organism)

6) Moriarty???

7) Acute psychosis xxx

Breakdown:

In the episode, Sherlock says that he had come up with seven possible reasons for how he, Henry, and John could have all seen the dog-that-could-not-exist, and that he'd settled upon narcotics as the most likely. I came up with a list of seven of my own reasons:

1) Narcotics- hallucinogen: self-explanatory, as explained by the actual episode.

2) Sleep deprivation hallucination: this episode takes place what appears to be several days into pretty severe nicotine withdrawal, for Sherlock. His sleep schedule seems to be disastrous as is, and the nicotine withdrawal would've made him even more wired, so there's a solid chance he hadn't slept for several days, which is long enough to for sleep deprivation-induced hallucinations. While the hypothesis itself is perfectly sound, Sherlock puts it at number 2 instead of 1 because A) Henry ALSO saw the dog, B) sleep deprivation induced hallucinations generally don't start out with a full-fledged monster dog screaming in your face. If this hypothesis had been correct, he should've been experiencing more subtle hallucinations all night long.

3) Mycroft- test?: As discussed in series four, Mycroft occasionally has been employing tests into Sherlock's mental stability for decades, focusing on what Sherlock believes to be a dog. Sherlock, being Sherlock, has likely noticed this. Mycroft knows Sherlock is hanging around Baskerville. Sherlock also knows Mycroft knows this. Under the influence of a paranoia-inducing narcotic, Sherlock very easily could suspect his nosy brother at being somehow responsible.

4) Lights show: Again, inspired by series 4, and how the illusion of a ghost is created in TAB with nothing more than a projector. The logistics of how this would actually work are hazy, which is why this is further down the list, and quickly discounted by Sherlock.

5) GMO: While GMOs are usually discussed in the context of resilient strains of plants, all it really means is genetically modified organism. I'm speaking as one educated in 2014+, not 2012 (the ep air date), but breeding an especially large dog, and genetically modifying it to have red eyes, would probably not be too difficult a feat, scientifically. It could even be glowing, if you spliced in that GFP gene that the scientist mentions! However, this possibility is unlikely, because it raises the very big question as to why the scientists would allow their experiment to roam wild and attack people, why the scientists would bother making it in the first place, why haven't others taken pictures, etc. This is why it's so low on the list.

6) Moriarty???: Similar premise as the Mycroft's inclusion.

7) Acute psychosis xxx: AKA, "I lost my mind". Very unlikely, because it doesn't explain why Henry shared his hallucination, has no explanation as to why or how, and he has no other symptoms suggestive of a psychotic break. Which is why Sherlock scratched it out, and marked it with three Xs.

ITEM 2: THE FEEDBACK LOOP

This refers to the diagram, sitting just to the right of the list.

Breakdown:

X -> SNS Act -> Occ. -> (SNS Act) | (Amyg up) (Temporal) (up up Amyg)

Translation:

Unknown Substance X -> Sympathetic Nervous System Activation -> Occipital Cortex

(Amygdala stimulation) (Temporal) (Further Amygdala stimulation)

Let's define some terms!

This little diagram is a positive feedback loop, drawn very messily and with multiple steps added in after the fact. In biology, a feedback loop is a circuit in which the output of a system feeds back around to affect the system's input, which indirectly affects the system's output again, and so on. A simple example of a positive feedback loop is as follows: Addition of Substance X to System yields output of Substance Y. Substance Y triggers the production of more of Substance X, which again yields the output of more of Substance Y, which again triggers more production of Substance X- and so on. (feedback loops in the body are far more complicated, and most will eventually trigger their own end, etc, but such discussion is beyond the purpose of this post).

Unknown Substance X = input of whatever Sherlock was drugged with

Sympathetic Nervous System = simplistically speaking, our autonomic nervous system has two parts that work together, the sympathetic nervous system, and the parasympathetic nervous system. PNS can be summed up as rest and digestion, while SNS can be summed up as fight or flight.

Occipital Cortex = simplistically speaking, the visual center in the brain. There are other areas involved, but this area is the key and center to visual perception.

Temporal = simplistically speaking, the auditory cortex in the brain.

Amygdala = simplistically speaking, the fear center of the brain.

(I am defining all these terms as their relation to this situation at hand, nothing more. The brain is not so simple as to allocate X Function to Y cortex.)

So, Sherlock theorizes that input of Drug X stimulates the SNS and/or the amygdala, which caused inappropriate occipital lobe stimulation leading to hallucinations, which increased Sherlock's fear response, which caused further SNS activation, and so on. He suggested temporal lobe as a possible step; however, at no point during the episode did the drug cause auditory hallucinations, which is why it's not including in the loop proper.

There are actually a few problems with his loop, because he drew it out on the fly, while high off his mind, and he's not a neuroscientist, but he's got the right idea. The inappropriate, uncontrollable stimulation of the amygdala is almost certainly what Drug X causes, and would result in fear, paranoia, and increased suggestibility, all stated symptoms of Drug X. Inappropriate amygdala stimulation leads to inappropriate SNS activation, which encourages hallucinations, but would not cause them directly. It's likely that the drug also caused overproduction of dopamine, which can cause hallucinations. (However, there is no guarantee the occipital cortex was involved).

Whatever the chemical cause of the hallucination, he "sees" the dog, freaks out more, amygdala continues to be stimulated, freaks out because he’s Sherlock and isn’t used to freaking out, and the cycle continues, which is what leads to Sherlock's panic attack/meltdown in the pub- short-term, we're able to handle those stress reactions, especially if they're rational reactions to a stimulus, but keep them going for hours at a time and the body will start to freak out.

ITEM THREE: SYMPTOMS LIST

3a. Tachycardia, (up)hidrosis, shaking, panic attack?, nausea, emesis

(up)hidrosis = hyperhidrosis

Breakdown: Very rapid heartrate, increased sweating, shaking, nausea, emesis = vomiting, panic attack? (Question mark because Sherlock is not convinced of the diagnosis. Even high off his mind, he's still got his pride- he's Sherlock Holmes! He does not Get panic attacks! >;0)

3b. NOT NICOTINE, WITHDRAWAL UPUPUP

Breakdown: as John says in the pub, Sherlock was pretttty wired before all of this. Sherlock notes down that these symptoms are not the result of the nicotine withdrawal, because he can still feel the now increased effects of the nicotine withdrawal going on alongside these new symptoms. Chemically speaking, Drug X probably wouldn’t have any /direct/ effect on nicotine withdrawal, but it very well might exacerbate it indirectly.

3c. OH NO EFFECT - NOT STIMULANT

Translation: Alcohol no effect - not stimulant

Alcohol, to our bodies, is a depressant. If you drink it with a straight stimulant, like caffeine, their effects will counteract each other; for example, if I want to drink but keep clear-headed, I'll have a soda with my glass of wine. (DISCLAIMER: this will not make it safe to drive, this will not prevent alcohol poisoning, this can be dangerous, and do not do it in anything but careful moderation). Sherlock, as seen in the show, gets a shot of alcohol, probably in a desperate bid to calm down. It also does not work at all, because he was not dosed with a stimulant, but a hallucinogenic. The hallucinations led to stimulant-esque effects, but with no stimulant to counteract, Sherlock would simply end up sloshed and panicking. Sherlock realizes that the alcohol is not having the desired affect, and, when he realizes he was drugged, concludes that it therefore can not have been with a simple stimulant.

ITEM FOUR: DIAGRAM B

Oral --> long-lasting VS inhale --> feedback loop

no IV/IM

BLOOD TEST NEC ASAP (check)

Breakdown:

While the identity/structure of the drug he was dosed with are important, the route/method of administration are also a huge factor of variability that affects the intensity and timeline of the symptoms. Sherlock mentions four different routes of administration, here: oral (PO), inhalation, IV, and IM (intramuscular). A drug taken orally will have slower and longer lasting effects than one that is inhaled: one that is inhaled will act almost immediately, as seen in the episode, and its effect will also wear off very quickly.

Sherlock theorizes he must have taken the drug either orally or inhaled it, because the only other options are being stuck with a needle at some point, which he is sure never occurred. (Really, there are a few other options, most notably transdermal, that is unlikely for other reasons). Because the drug affects him for so long, he assumes he must have taken it orally, but also allows inhalation a spot on the list, by noting it could have instigated a feedback loop, and continued affecting him even after it'd left his system. He also notes the need for an urgent blood test, in the case that there are still some traces left to analyze. Especially if the drug was inhaled, the blood needs to be drawn ASAP. (Without any information on the chemical structure of Drug X, though, I can’t make any sort of estimation on what results Sherlock’s own blood test would show, with the sample drawn ~8 hours after being dosed).

ITEM FIVE: TIMELINE

To the left of diagram B, eleven hash marks next to a supremely messy "hours". AKA, eleven hours of 'experimentation', after Sherlock realizes he was drugged.

(upside down-items):

ITEM SIX: FORMULA

C12H22O11

The chemical formula for a sugar, which, as Sherlock states in the episode, was his initial theory. This would suggest PO as method of administration, not inhalation, but Sherlock's also not thinking too straight, right now. Give him a break. (He's also probably got a ton more information on PO medications in his head than airborne compounds).

ITEM SEVEN: SHERLOCK'S THEORY

THC? -amyg overstim in subject

-no SNS activ

(scratched out, termed STUPID by Sherlock)

Translation:

THC? - amygdala overstimulation in subject

-no SNS activation

Breakdown (this is the most technical passage of the post, fair warning:)

The 'subject' in this case refers to Sherlock. THC, as you probably know, is is the primary hallucinogenic/psychoactive component of cannabis (marijuana). Also as you probably know, cannabis tends to reduce anxiety effects in most individuals, but in some, it results in a paradoxical panic reaction. We're not entirely sure why, but this panic reaction appears to be due to GABA paradoxical disinhibition. Essentially, in a standard patient, cannabis leads to mass increases in GABA, which is the calm-down chemical in the brain. However, in these select patients, cannabis' initial activation of GABA may lead to the brain telling the production of GABA itself to calm down, which lead to an overall decrease in GABA levels in the amygdala, which leads to a panic reaction. (Disclaimer: This is still a working theory in the scientific community, and all depends on an individual's makeup of receptors and neural circuits. This is by no means settled discussion, either the end result or its mechanism.)

Overall, irrelevant to THC and cannabis, patients with severe childhood trauma do tend to have amygdalas that are primed for overstimulation (possibly by the very process described in the paragraph above). Whether Sherlock deleted Eurus and Victor or not, those neurological affects aren't something he could just will away. This is not saying that if you have childhood trauma, you will have a negative reaction to cannabis- but it IS saying that Sherlock might be a candidate expected to have a negative reaction.

Now, given Sherlock's extensive drug history, I'm sure he tried cannabis, at some point. It is also, however, never once brought up in the series proper, which suggests he has absolutely no interest in trying it again- perhaps because he had a negative reaction the first time. The panic reaction and amygdala overstimulation would probably feel similar to how Drug X affected him, which is why, initially, Sherlock writes it down as a suggestion, and also notes that it would not directly cause SNS activation. (At this point, he is not sure if SNS activation is a direct symptom or not).

He then swiftly marks it out as a stupid theory, because he realizes that he has a very atypical reaction to THC, so the likelihood of Henry sharing his hallucination and panic is very low. More to the point, because his reaction is so atypical and unpredictable, it makes no sense that unknown criminals would drug them with it.

TO SUM UP:

Sherlock is a graduate chemist, not a medical doctor, neuroscientist, or neuropsychologist. He does seem to have a great degree of interest and expertise in pharmacology, and probably also has a lot of knowledge in different routes of administration, due to his own personal history and his interest in forensics. However, he has no need to know, for example, the exact neuro-chemical causes of hallucinations. Therefore, his sheet of data is intentionally a bit spotty and with questionable accuracy, at points. (He also gets a bit of a break, considering he was "off his tits", or whatever the fuck that means, at the time. Poor guy needs a rest and a blanket and a hug.)

And that sums up Ranowa's entirely unnecessary lecture on pharmacodynamics!

[atypicalkataangist]

Responsibility

Type: Oneshot [Romantic] Summary: Aang and Katara get in a big fight. Word count: 1747 Author’s note Hey there! Soo, I’ve been writing about so many good things now, and even though I believe they came along pretty well as a married couple, I think it’s inevitable to get into a bigger fight from time to time. So that’s what today’s story is about ^^ Funfact: props to my guinea pig Hannibal for giving me the original idea for the reason of their fight. But you’ll see :D

"And I'm telling you he's got nothing to do with it!"

Aang was pissed off. Even worse, he was pissed off about Katara. The young couple didn't use to fight very often, but like in every healthy relationship the one or another bigger fight was included. In the last few weeks it's gotten progressively worse however. Katara had given birth to their first child only a few weeks earlier, and as much as their sweet little man constantly reminded them of their love for each other, it could become really exhausting. None of them could really handle the severe sleep deprivation caused by young Bumi's very light sleep, so he kept both of them awake most of the nights.

And like most other young parents it still took them a while to adjust to their new role. They, especially Katara, didn't want to mess anything up, so they felt like they were under a lot of pressure. The combination of stress and sleep deprivation had both of them really tensed, frequently causing them to freak out at each other without much of a reason. Even their sex life began to suffer now, either they didn't find enough time, or if they did, they were too exhausted or not in the mood to let off some steam.

"Oh Aang, you're ridiculous! Stay and talk to me!", she demanded, follwing her husband out of their home. He was too angry with her to talk to her in a constructive way. On her arm she carried their baby son, crying desperately for attention.

They were out in the open now, on the stone path leading to Appa's stable near the coast of air temple island. He couldn't bear with that situation anymore, at least not for the moment. He needed to get away, even if only for a couple of hours.

"I'm the one who's ridiculous?! Katara, you know Momo as long as I do, he would never, ever bite Bumi!"

"I can't believe it!", she moaned obviously pretty damn annoyed as well, "So you're taking your lemur's side and not your son's?!"

"No, that's not what I..."

"I couldn't care less about Momo right now, Aang!", she screamed, "I only see my - OUR son crying in pain because of an animal bite and you're not doing anything to help me! Instead you're too focused on defending your precious lemur to even consider the fact that he might have harmed Bumi!" The small boy on her arm didn't stop to sob, seemingly feeling the turmoil and agitation within his mother. She cuddled him closer against her chest, carefully as not to disturb him anymore. Lowering her voice, she added, "at least we have him long enough to eliminate the thought that he has any dangerous deseases with which he could've infected Bumi. His immune system is still extremely fragile, Aang, don't you realize that? Or do you just not care?!"

Deep inside, she immediately regretted saying that, but she was too angry and too aroused in that moment to take it back.

"Ka...Katara..." He could do nothing but standing there in bewilderment, his mouth agape and his eyes sad and hurted. She could see how much she had hurted his feelings with that comment. Of course she knew how much Aang cared about his son.

"How could you say something like that?" He turned around, fighting back tears that tried to break free. Slowly, he followed the path to Appa's stable. He needed some time alone.

She followed him. She didn't mean to hurt him like that. He didn't deserve that.

The Avatar whistled to call Appa out of his stable, preparing the saddle even though he was about to do this trip alone.

"Aang!"

He turned around from Appa, looking at her with hurted, disappointed eyes.

"I'm just saying that you can't be the child anymore. You have a child now. WE have a child now, Aang! You have to take on your responsibility as a father! You're carrying the responsibility of a tiny life, so you have to take this seriously!"

Without another word, he turned around again, airbended himself on top of his bison and took place on his head.

"I'm doing my fucking best, Katara." He never swore, so he must've been extremely aroused. "I'm sorry I'm not the perfect father right off the bat, but I'm doing my fucking best! Yip yipp."

"Where are you going, Aang?!", she screamed while the bison slowly began to levitate.

"I'll blow off some steam. I'm back when I'm back.", he yelled while Appa carried him away from his crying child and his baffled wife.

----

"Shit, Shit, SHIT!", he screamed, letting out all of his anger against the trunk of a tree. He didn't want to hurt anyone, be it human or animal, so he chose to land in a small forest near the coast of republic city, were barely anyone else was ever around.

His knuckles began to hurt as the tree bark splattered off the trunk. "I'm SUCH an idiot!", he screamed, walking in circles and falling onto his knees. She was right, she was absolutely right. He needed to get a hold of himself. What kind of father would leave his crying newborn alone and just leave in the middle of a fight?

"Oh, spirits, I messed up big time..."

Indecisive what to do, he changed into the lotus position and tried to calm his nerves by meditating. He had still way too much on his mind to detach himself from the world. He needed to step up to his responsibilities. He needed to go back home and apologize to Katara. He wanted to make her happy again. And he wanted to make Bumi happy as well.

Katara couldn't stop crying after Aang had left. She felt horrible. Did she really blame Aang to not care about his son's well being? She loved Aang, she really did, and she didn't stop loving him after Bumi was born. But she needed him. Of course she had so many things yet to learn as well, but she couldn't do this alone. She needed Aang. She missed him. Emotionally and physically. Maybe she had underestimated the effort to raise a child as well, but she knew that she chose the right husband to do so. She would've never want to do this with anyone else. Aang was perfect. He just needed some time to get used to his new life.

---

The sun was already setting when Aang returned home. He instantly made his way to the meditation pond in the back of the island to get his thoughts in order and prepared what he wanted to say to his wife.

He watched the peaceful koi fish swimming in their pond as dire thoughts began to cloud up his mind again.

'They don't deserve someone like you. You're the worst father a newborn child can have.'

Stop. Stop!

'You're nothing but a huge letdown for those who love you.'

"Stop!", he screamed, sad and confused.

"Aang? Aang, are you alright?" He quickly turned around to see his wife standing across from him, barefoot and already in her nightdress, carrying her sleeping son on her arm. She watched him with sorrowful, yet loving eyes.

"Katara! Sweetie...", he ran towards her and hugged her with her tears in his eyes. "Katara, I'm so, so sorry...I feel so bad for bailing out before... I can't just leave you two alone."

"Oh Aang..." her eyes began to tear up as well, "It's okay, I said things I shouldn't have said as well."

"You were right about most of it though. I have to take my role as father more seriously. I'll double my efforts from now on, I promise. I love you and I Bumi more than you could ever imagine, the last thing I  want is to drive you away from me."

"Sweetie...", her trembling lips kissed his cheek while her free hand rested on his chest. "Of course I know you love us, and I love you now more than ever. But I need you for this, Aang."

"I know, Sweetie. And I promise I'll be there for you from now on."

She smiled at him just as warmly as she did after freeing him from the iceberg. "Thank you, sweetie. I love you. And I'm sorry for what I said."

He kissed her and his bad thoughts finally began to drown in a wave of dopamin and euphoria.

"You look tired, sweetie. Come, let me take Bumi out for a small good night walk around the island while you go to sleep. Alright?"

She could stop herself right before beginning another discussion, simply nodded after realizing that she lingered after some sleep.

Carefully she gave her son into his father's arms, who couldn't let his eyes off of the tiny bundle of joy that was about to wake up from his light sleep again, whining for attention.

"I got this. Good Night, Sweetie.", he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too.", she answered, kissing her husband first and pressing a few quick kisses in her son's tiny forehead. "Both of you."

Not without feeling a tiny ache in her heart after letting go of her baby, however realizing that he was in good hands with his father, she left to finally go to sleep.

Her family stayed at the pond and especially her husband enjoyed the last beams of sunlight that illuminated the sky. Bumi was very calm again, rocked to sleep by the gentle motion of his father's arm.

"Women, he?", Aang whispered more to himself as to his sleepy son im his arms. "They drive you crazy and they feel right about everything, but in the end of the day  you just can't but love them more than anything else in the entire world. Except you, Bumi. Your Dad loves you more than you could ever imagine.", he whispered and carefully as not to wake him up kissed his forehead. "You and your Mom give my life a purpose. And I'll be forever grateful for that."

Hope you liked it! Writing the reconciliation turned out to be a lot harder than I expected, I hope it didn’t get too cheesy in the end. 

Oh, by the way: I’ll soon be on a vacation in greece until the 24th, so I might not be able to write anything during that period. Trying my best however! :)

[a-splash-of-stucky]

A Messed Up Place | Eleven

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Truths are revealed.

Warnings: Lots of shouting — an extremely heated argument takes place. Lots of name-calling and swearing. Excessive use of the word ‘fuck’.

Notes: Written for @hellomissmabel’s birthday/2k celebration.

It is honestly a relief to finally be able to write this chapter. This was the first scene that popped into my head all those weeks ago, when I first planned AMUP. I have been dying to write it ever since. Anyway. Much angst ahead. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

AMUP Masterlist

Bucky takes a hefty swig out of his water bottle. The icy water is a cooling salve as it trickles down his throat.  He takes a few more sips as he towels off his wet hair and glances around the empty, dimly lit gym.

It’s a quarter past two in the morning. Bucky had gone to bed at around 10, only to be woken up by his own screams a couple of hours later, his skin covered in a layer of cold sweat, sheets tangled around his legs and heart thundering against his ribs.

The nightmare had been about Steve, of course. Bucky doesn’t allow himself to dwell on the details.

Fully aware of the fact that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep with his brain feeling that wired, and unwilling to spend several hours tossing and turning in bed, whilst waiting for the sun to come up, Bucky had changed into a tank top and a pair of loose shorts to hit the gym. Even if he couldn’t tire himself out, at least he’d be able to occupy his time.

Bucky ends up spending nearly two hours in there. He does three rounds of his usual routine on the machines, before spending a ridiculously large amount of time pummelling the shit out of the reinforced punching bags. It’s a strangely cathartic activity.

After taking a shower, he changes into a clean sweatshirt and a pair of black joggers. Bucky dumps his gross-smelling gym gear and damp towel into the laundry basket they keep in the corner of the gym, before heading to the kitchen to make himself a midnight snack. He’s got a craving for macaroni and cheese.

The compound is in darkness, as would be expected at this hour of night. Bucky doesn’t bother asking FRIDAY to turn on the lights. He passes by the entrance to the common room-lounge area on his way to the kitchen and frowns when he hears the unmistakable sound of hitched sobs and stifled sniffles. He pauses, cocking his head to the side. Who could it be?

Keeping his footsteps as light as a feather, Bucky creeps inside. Though it’s dark, his enhanced eyesight picks out the silhouette of a figure huddled up on one of the couches, lying on their side with their back towards Bucky. He’s got a pretty good idea of who it could be.

“Y/N?” Bucky whispers.

The darkened figure startles, simultaneously uncurling and twisting their body, pushing themselves up onto their forearms. “B-bucky?” you ask, your voice croaky and thick with tears.

“FRIDAY, d’you mind getting the lights? Keep ‘em dim, please,” Bucky murmurs, as he crosses over to the couch and plops beside you, on your right. A few of the ceiling lights come on, casting pale yellow circles around the periphery of the room.

“Hey, hey—doll,” he croons, holding his arms out and letting you curl up against his side. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, as he tucks your head underneath his chin and loops his arms over your shoulders and around your waist. Your body is trembling uncontrollably, breath coming out as uneven sobs. Bucky strokes his hand up and down your back, whispers mindless babble into your hair. The front of his sweatshirt is quickly becoming damp as a result of your tears.

“Hey, now—what’s wrong, doll?” he murmurs, “Why’re you out here all alone, huh? Talk to me.”

“I-I-I,” you stammer, breaking off with a loud hiccup,as you fight to get your lungs to take in a deep enough inhale so that you can talk properly.

Bucky hums sympathetically, settling back against the couch and leaning away from you, to give you some space. You brush the backs of your hands over your cheeks, using the sleeves of your hoodie to wipe away the snot and tears. You glance at Bucky through the corner of your eye and let out a half-strangled sob. “Bu-ucky,” you hiccup, “I-I’ve gotta te-ell you something.”

“Mmm? What is it, doll?” he asks, only half-listening to you. Bucky’s more concerned about trying to get your lungs working the way they should. You sound worryingly like you’re about to have an asthma attack — and Bucky would know what those look like, given the number of times he’s had to help get Steve through one, back in the day — and Bucky’s not sure the extent to which asthma attacks and unborn babies go together.

“I-um. I-I still lo-ove—,” you bite your tongue, cutting yourself off and turning to look away from Bucky.

“Steve?” he offers, “You still love ‘im? S’okay, doll, that’s—,”

“That’s not what I was gonna say,” you interrupt, voice coming out surprisingly sharp, despite your tears. You wipe your nose one more time before turning to look Bucky dead in the eye, paralysing him with the intensity of your gaze.

“I was going to say you, Bucky.”

If this is a dream, Bucky’s not sure whether it’s one he wants to wake up from. He swallows nervously, before forcing his jaw to move, to shape the words. “M-me? I-I—but, Steve?” he stutters helplessly, brain unable to process what it is you’ve just admitted to.

“You, Bucky,” you repeat, turning your body so that you can look at Bucky directly, without having to crane your neck around. “I’ve always had feelings for you, okay? And I know—,”

“Wait, what?” Bucky squeaks, head spinning in confusion.

“Will you listen to me? Let me finish?” you ask impatiently. Bucky snaps his jaw shut and nods fervently, gesturing for you to continue with one hand.

“I—yeah. I’ve always had feelings for you, and you’ve—you always ignored me when I tried to show you. So—it didn’t look like things were even gonna work between us, no matter how hard I tried, which is why I started dating Steve—I—to…but now Steve’s dead, and a twisted, horrible part of me can’t help but feel g-glad, because I don’t think I would’ve been fully happy in that marriage and—but—I—shit this is so fucking messed up, and—but I feel so guilty for leading him on and I fucking hate this shit!” you hiss, your voice rising to shriller tones with each word that tumbles out of your mouth.

“I hate it, I fucking hate it! You made me do this!”

What?

Bucky’s mind has gone from confused, to stunned, to completely dumbstruck, all in the space of about ten seconds. He’s speechless. Completely, utterly at a loss for words. There’re so many things that you’ve just said that he needs to question, to examine, to pick apart and analyse — in fact, there’s almost too many. He’s not sure where to even begin. Although you seem delirious, and even though you’re probably sleep-deprived, there’s no mistaking the solemnity in your tone. You mean every word you’ve just said.

There is one statement that stands out, though. One that is screaming for more answers, for a further explanation.

“Y/N,” Bucky says softly, fighting to keep his anger in check and hoping that it doesn’t come through in his voice. “What-I—Steve? Why Steve? Did you—what? I don’t understand — were you actually in love with him?” he asks, “Did you—did you use my best friend against me? Did Steve ever mean anything to you?”

Bucky needs to know. No matter how much he may love you, no matter how much he may want to love you, there is one unwavering fact when it comes to Bucky and Steve: he’s with Steve ’til the end of the line. And if someone messes with Steve, by default, you can be goddamn sure that Bucky’s getting involved too. If there is one person he would die defending, it’s Steve Rogers.

You’re silent for a minute, chewing over your thoughts. Bucky’s words have apparently struck a chord. You stare off into the distance, fiddling with your fingers and biting on your bottom lip. Perhaps your silence should be alarming, Bucky thinks — if you truly loved Steve, wouldn’t your answer be an immediate, resounding ‘yes’?

“Not at first,” you admit softly, keeping your eyes trained on Bucky’s knees. It means that you don’t notice the barely-restrained fury in Bucky’s expression. “I mean…okay, so what happened was he asked me out on a date, back when you and I were still…yeah. He asked me out.”

You pause, running your fingers through your hair. “I will admit, at first, I wanted to say no, because like I said, I had — have — feelings for you. And I was still hopeful about us. But…but he asked so nicely, and he looked so hopeful that I—I didn’t have the heart to say no,” you murmur, your expression turning wistfully sad as you recall the memory. “I loved you, but…but—god this is gonna sound so bad,” you chuckle mirthlessly, “Some fucked up part of my brain rationalised that maybe…you seeing me with Steve would kick you into gear, or something—,”

“Y/N, I swear to god—,”

“I’m not done,” you say sharply, fingers clenching into fists in your lap. For a second, your entire body is tensed up, before you take a deep, calming breath, relaxing once more and continuing on with your story. “My point is: fucking sue me if you want to, but initially, I got with Steve with the intent of making you jealous,” you admit.

“Fucking hate me all you want, okay? Hate me because Steve’s not here to do so. I-I deserve it, yeah? I get it, I deserve your hate, your anger — call me a bitch, a coward, an asshole, a liar, whatever you want. I’m all of the above. I get it. Hate me, Bucky,” you growl brokenly, vicious venom lacing your every word.

Somehow, despite what you’ve just admitted to, Bucky can’t quite do that. He’s—a part of him hates you. Loathes you, in fact. But another part of him — the irrational, stupid, lovesick puppy inside him — still believes in you. He’s—torn. Conflicted. He’s fighting a warped internal battle between what is right and what is less right, because, as he’s come to realise, ‘wrong’ is simply a matter of perspective.

You take a deep breath and continue, your voice calmer, softer now. It sounds almost eerily detached, even. “I started dating Steve despite being fully aware of the fact that he had feelings for me on a level which I did not reciprocate,” you say. There’s an undertone of bitterness and self-hatred to your words. “I knew that I wasn’t being fair. I was being mean. But—the thing is, Bucky, please, please, please, believe me when I say this…I never, ever meant for things to get this far.”

“Yeah, right,” Bucky scoffs.

Bucky feels…a lot. He’s enraged, mostly. His entire perspective of you has changed. You’re not the person he once thought you were — that is the glaringly obvious fact that’s staring him in the face, right now. You’re not the person he made you out to be, the woman he fell in love with.

“You could’ve put a stop to it, anytime you wanted to, right?” Bucky points out, not bothering to conceal his pain and anger. In fact, it’s a relief to finally allow those emotions to bleed into his words, a relief to finally voice the thoughts that have been clamouring for attention inside his head.

“You weren’t under any obligations to stay with Steve. And—and besides, if you were done waiting around for me, instead of trying to make me—make me jealous,” he spits out, relishing the way you recoil at the word, “Why didn’t you ask me yourself, huh? Why couldn’t you come to me and ask me out?”

“I—I fucking didn’t want to pressure you, okay?” you snap, your gaze meeting his once more. There’s a heat in your eyes that makes Bucky want to smirk — he’s fighting fire with fire, and as irrational as that may be, it feels good.

“You—I didn’t know for certain if you felt the same about me,” you explain. “And I—look, I knew that it was overwhelming for you to have to adjust to all this,” you say, flapping your arms and gesturing wildly around you, “So I didn’t want to…to add my own pressures on you. If you fell in love with me—great, but—but I didn’t want you to feel like you had to date me, or love, or take pity on me, just ‘cause I had feelings for you.”

“And, I guess,” you sigh, your shoulders deflating and losing their tension as you drag a hand down your face, “I thought that with time, I could — maybe, fall in love with Steve and get over you. The heart can only hold so much love in it, right?”

You laugh dejectedly, shaking your head as if you can’t believe how stupid you were. “Fucking wrong,” you snort, crossing your arms over your chest. “I was — am, still am — in love with Steve, but in love with you, as well! I ended up falling for Steve, because who in their right mind wouldn’t do the same?”

“You’re right,” you say, nodding your head slowly, “I was under no obligation to be with him, but I couldn’t end out relationship because I didn’t want to.” You lift your eyes to meet his gaze. Bucky’s breath catches when he catches the glimmer of unshed tears in yours.

“I love him, I love you, and I couldn't decide between you two. I’m a fucking selfish bitch, okay?” you huff, tightening your arms around yourself defensively. “There. I said it. I’m a fucking selfish bitch, who didn’t want to leave Steve even though,” you pause, gulping audibly. “Even though I knew I was hurting you.”

Bucky’s jaw tenses in anger. “You knew you were hurting me and yet you kept on doing it anyway.”

“I—,”

“Fuck you,” Bucky hisses, “Fuck you, fuck your manipulative games, fuck you for fucking with me, with my head, my feelings, do I—do I mean nothing to you?”

“You do!” you protest, “Bucky, I swear, please—,”

“Could’ve fucking fooled me,” Bucky continues, bulldozing onwards, as if you’d never interrupted him. “What with the way you treated me, and all.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Barnes,” you growl, your own anger finally making your composure snap. “You’re not perfect either, jerk. Look, both of us are in the wrong—,”

“But we wouldn’t even fucking be in this position had you put an end to things with Steve when you could!” Bucky shouts, not caring if he wakes up half the compound in the process.

You swallow, blinking rapidly to clear the tears that are on the verge of spilling from your eyes. “I—I never meant to get engaged, or anything,” you whisper, “I—it was only ever meant to be a couple of dates with him, and then I was gonna put an end to it and tell him it wasn’t gonna work out between us. I swear on my life, Bucky, that’s what I fully intended to do. But—,” you laugh deliriously, “You can’t help but fall in love with Stevie. I didn’t do anything to deserve him, but he—he loved me. A lot. And I—I found myself responding to that.”

“So did I love him initially?” you ask, straightening up and raking your fingers through your disheveled hair, “No. Probably not. Not the way I love you, at least. But do I love him now?” you pause, tipping your head back to stare at the ceiling as you consider your next words.

“Goddamn it, I’m not sure. I love him, in some capacity. I care for him, and I’m—I’m brokenhearted because he’s dead, but—but it’s still not the way I love you. And…and I feel so guilty about the fact that—,”

“Don’t sob to me,” Bucky growls, cutting you off when your voice begins to waver and your eyes start to become teary, once more. Your mouth pulls into a tight line. Before you can say anything else, Bucky jumps in, wanting to share his own thoughts.

“I thought the world of you,” Bucky says softly. His tone is low, surprisingly calm, despite the roiling anger inside him. “I thought you were an angel on earth, a goddess among men. Turns out, I was wrong. Stevie should’ve had better than someone like you.”

You snap your head towards him, your eyes ablaze with rage. “Well fuck you, Barnes!” you shout, “Here is my fucking apology for not being good enough, for not meeting your—your unreasonably high expectations! And—and what the fuck? There are more dimensions of love than just the romantic, okay? Can’t you see that?”

“I—I still care for him, Bucky,” you explain, your voice more than a little bit hysterical, “And—I dunno, I have a feeling that he knew something was up. Steve—he knew…something. About—about…you and me.”

Bucky thinks back to Steve’s video and can’t help but agree with you on that one.

“But—he died with a lie,” you say, your voice cracking at the last word. You clear your throat. “I was gonna come clean and tell him, I really was, but I—but now he’s gone. He’s fucking dead, and he never got to know the truth.”

“No thanks to you.”

You snort indignantly. “Oh that’s rich, coming from you!” you snap, “Mr ‘I keep a million secrets up my sleeve’. You could’ve come clean to me, to Steve at any point and yet you didn’t. Do you even love me?”

Bucky inhales sharply. He closes his eyes and takes a moment to calm his thoughts.

It’s now or never.

“I do,” he says quietly. “Y/N—doll, I do, Ido love you. Trust me, sweetheart, I’ve loved you for—for as long as I’ve known you.”

Now that he’s started, there’s no stopping. He’s taken that first step — they say the first step is the hardest for a reason — and it’s all downhill from here. It’s like the dam inside Bucky’s mind has finally been burst. The words that he’s been holding back all this while can finally come rushing through. They spill out of his mouth in a mad, uncontrollable torrent.

“I—I need you the way I need oxygen, baby,” Bucky continues, “I love you, I swear, I love you. My heart belonged to you before it ever belonged to me, before I even knew what it was to love!”

You squeeze your eyes shut, biting your lip and turning to look off into the distance, out of the window. Bucky drinks in your profile, which lately, has been more gaunt and waif-like than normal. “Don’t say that,” you whisper tightly, “Don’t say words like that if you don’t mean them. Don’t just say them just for the sake of saying them—,”

“I do mean them!” Bucky says urgently, his hand reaching out to rest on your shoulder. You turn to face him, your gaze locking onto his. God, the trepidation and fear in your eyes is enough to make his heart break all over again. “Y/N, I—we’ve done some stupid things, but I mean it. I love you.”

You shake your head sadly, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I thought—I thought hearing those words from you would be the best thing to ever happen to me, but—it’s not,” you say, sighing dejectedly. “It’s not what I needed to hear, right now. Now—now, when things are like this, when I have to have Steve’s kid—,”

“It might not even be his,” Bucky blurts, unthinkingly. His eyes nearly bulge out of his head when he catches onto what he’s just said. What he’s just implicitly admitted to.

Oh so slowly, you turn to face him, your eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What?”

It’s just one word, but one word is more than enough to instil sheer terror in Bucky’s bones. “I—Nothing. Nothing, forget I said that,” he stammers.

“What d’you mean, it might not be his?” you ask, your voice barely masking the threat lying beneath.

“Noth—,”

“Fucking tell me!” you screech, lunging forward and grabbing fistfuls of his sweatshirt. Your expression is positively feral. “How in all of fucking hell could this baby not be Steve’s and why on this goddamn planet would you fucking know?”

Bucky licks his lips nervously. “It’s not Steve’s,” he repeats slowly, “Or…at least I don’t think it is.”

“Why?” you breathe, voice wavering with wrath, “What makes you say that?”

“You’re—um,” Bucky swallows again, tries to remember how to make his mouth work.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you growl menacingly, yanking him closer towards you, “This is my body we’re talking about. If you know something that I don’t, spill it.”

“In KL,” Bucky says quickly, “In—in KL, on that mission, on—on that night, that last night, uh—you were drunk. And—um. And so I brought you back to the hotel and you…you wanted to have sex.”

“What?” you breathe, letting go of his sweatshirt in shock. Your eyes are as wide as saucers. “Why didn’t you—,”

“I tried to stop you—I, okay fine, I admit, you have no reason to believe me on this, but I swear on Steve’s head that I’m not lying to you!” Bucky says vehemently, “I tried to stop you. I told you no, I was gonna leave, but you—but you kept pushing, and I—I couldn’t,” Bucky pauses, blinking away the tears that have suddenly sprung to his eyes. “I couldn’t do anything to stop you.”

“So we fucked,” you say flatly.

“We fucked,” Bucky confirms. “I—um. I didn’t think it was gonna happen, so I didn’t pack any condoms with me.”

“We had unprotected sex,” you murmur, burying your face in your palms.

“I—I did pull out,” Bucky says. “I did! I promise you, I did!” he repeats, throwing his hands up in surrender when you arch an eyebrow in disbelief. “I—I uhh, I really did pull out, but it—it was uh, kinda at the last second, so stuff could’a…y’know…it might’ve been too late.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his chapped lips. His throat feels unnaturally dry, perhaps due to the nerves. He watches as you slump against the back of the couch. You’re gaze is blank and you’re making no sounds. It’s beginning to unnerve him.

“Y/N?” he asks tentatively.

“Fuck you, Barnes,” you say, your voice eerily cool. “Fuck you for doing this to me.”

Maybe it’s your choice of words, maybe it’s the tone with which you’ve spoken, maybe it’s the cumulative effect of the events of the last week, but for whatever reason — that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

“Oh, now I’m the only bad guy in this equation?” Bucky snorts, “Need I remind you which one of us is the manipulative bitch?”

Your jaw drops open in shock. “I—fuck you, Barnes, you’re one to talk about bad guys — you fucking slept with me when I was drunk! Taking advantage of me!”

“I said no!” Bucky roars, “I pushed you away, I told you I didn’t want it! You’re as much of a rapist as I am, in this situation!”

You blink rapidly, grinding your teeth together as your hands clench into fists. Bucky holds his breath, waiting for you to lash out, to land your next blow, and is surprised when it does not come.

“You’re—okay, you’re right,” you sigh, rubbing the heel of your palm into your eye tiredly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forced myself on you, I—I can’t imagine how shitty I made you feel. I’m sorry I put us in that situation, I’m sorry I acted like an idiot, I’m sorry for dragging you into this drama, I’m sorry, okay?”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, but it’s there. I’m sorry,” you murmur. You sigh heavily, removing your hand from your face as you look towards Bucky once more.

“But that doesn’t change how I feel,” you continue, your tone sharpening as your rage resurfaces. “The issue’s still there: I’m pregnant, and this might be your baby. Were you ever gonna tell me about this, by the way? Huh? Were you ever gonna tell how we fucked whilst I was drunk? How you broke all the rules we ever put in place?”

“I—,” Bucky sputters, at a loss for words. “No, you know what? Yeah. Yeah, I did break all out rules. And I’m sorry. I truly am sorry for that. But I came clean in the end, but—but what the fuck? You can’t be telling me that what you did was any less worse.”

“That’s not what I’m saying—,”

“Then what the fuck are you trying to say, Y/N?” Bucky asks sharply, “Because my patience is running thin and I am fucking done dealing with your bullshit.”

You clench your jaw. “Right. Okay, you know what I wanna say? You wanna know the real reason, the reason deep-down why I got with Steve? Wanna see how blackened and fucked up the innermost parts of my soul are?” you snarl. “I got with Steve because I wanted you to fight for me, Bucky.”

“Y/N—,”

“I wanted you to goddamn fight for me,” you hiss, “Are—are you blind? Are you an idiot, or something? Could you not see what I—if you truly loved me like you say you do, you would’ve fought for me, asked me to stay.”

“What kind of jacked up logic is that?” Bucky sputters, stunned. “Am I blind? Fuck you, Y/N, you’re the one that’s blind! Could you— could you not see? Could you not see how obvious I was? I adored you, clung to you like a needy puppy, but you had no clue, and I don’t know how that;s even possible! I was so fucking obvious! Smiling every time I saw you, laughing every time you talked to me — you didn’t see that?”

“You didn’t see how much pain you put me through?” Bucky continues, his voice harsh. “I’m pretty sure I was — am, probably — fucking depressed. When you told me you were dating Steve, when you told me that you’d gotten engaged, when you—,” he breaks off, laughing hysterically, “When you asked me to fucking pick out your lingerie, like— I was in pain, okay? The entire time! You hurt me!”

“Every time I saw you two together, happy together — whether or not you were pretending — it hurt like someone was stabbing a million knives into my gut, okay?”

“I was wrong about you,” Bucky spits, “I thought you were an angel, I though you were better than this.”

“No one told you to idolise me, Bucky!” you scream, lashing out, fighting back just as hard. “I’m fucked up! I am fucked up in the head, okay? I didn’t ask to fall in love with both of you, I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me, I didn’t ask for any of this to happen!”

Bucky leans back against the armrest, runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends slightly. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m done,” hey growls. He pushes himself onto his feet and moves to stalk past you.

Your fingers catch hold of the sleeve of his sweatshirt, pulling him to a stop. “Barnes, sit your ass down—,”

“No,” he hisses, shaking your hand off of him. “You don’t fucking get to tell me what to do, Y/N. I’m heading up. Goodnight.”

Maybe it’s the finality in his tone that sends you into a panic, but whatever the case, you leap up at that moment, your hand gripping onto Bucky’s shoulder. He grits his teeth and resists the urge to brush you away.

“Bucky—,” you whisper, “Please, please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, please sit down, please—let’s talk.”

“Oh, we’ve talked plenty, Y/N,” Bucky snarls, whirling around to face you. The expression on your face — a cross between on heartbroken, sorrowful and apologetic — gives him pause. The heated words he was going to hurl at you die in his throat.

Bucky sighs heavily as rakes his fingers through his messy hair. “Okay, look. Let’s—I think we need some time to cool off. To…to process everything that’s just been said.”

“Bucky—,”

“We can talk. I’m not—now. Sometime later, not now,” he mumbles, shoving his hands into the pockets of his joggers. “Now…this is too much. I—need some time to process all…this,” he says, gesturing wildly between the two of you.

“Okay,” you whisper, dropping your hand to the side, letting go of him. “I—I do love you, Bucky. Still. Even—even if you…even after—I do. I love you.”

Bucky turns away, not wanting to let you see his expression. Something in his heart aches.

Those are the words he’s wanted to hear from you, the words he’s always wanted to hear falling from your mouth for as long as he can remember. Hearing you say them should be a salve on the wounds of his broken heart, but…they’re not. They’re anything but.

They don’t have the same meaning, the same symbolism, the same weight that they used to. The no longer hold the same promise.

He loves you, still. Fucking hell Barnes, will you get a grip on yourself? he chastises.

Bucky loves you, even though he probably shouldn’t, at this point. Maybe it’s a different kind of love, maybe it’s not to the same extent — he doesn’t know anymore. He hates you and loves you in equal measure and if that doesn’t summarise how screwed up his life has become, then nothing else will.

The thing is, there’s more to the picture now, he has to remember that. How can he abandon you? He can’t just love you, not only because of his promise to Steve — as misguided as that may have been — but also because you’re potentially carrying his child in your womb.

Bucky feels like an absolute shit hole.

All he’s ever wanted in this life is for you to want him, to love him. And, as it turns out — you do. You do love him, but you probably hate him, as well. It’s fucked up, is what it is.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Bucky says tightly, as strides out of the common room. “I’ll—see you.”

[all-hail-the-witcher]

nobody likes a claggy bit of cheese

this idea came to me in mid november while i was watching an episode of the great british bakeoff and crocheting a scarf for my sister while eating a very very healthy college lunch of apple sauce and caramel corn. someone (maybe it was paul) said the word “claggy” and i was like Wow That’s British. and then someone else (probably paul again) said “stodgy” and i was like WoW ThAts BriTisH. and then i was like you know who would appreciate these Very British Words?? my dumb friend who likes to pretend he's british. and thEn i was like Oh Shit what if he hosted great british bakeoff that would be energy oh my god. and i was About to text him that when i was like No Wait! instead of a baking competition it would be a Mac And Cheese competition because that's like,,,his wholes pride and joy. and then i was about to text him that but then i was like wAIT! this has fic written all over it oh my god i can see it now. and now here we are.

also mikey in case you didn't realize, you are my dumb fake british friend and this is your present but i mean its more of your persona slapped on race and i called it a day. its not a mothman shirt but it'll have to do eye guess

anywaymst 

enjoy this trash pile 

_________

ship: eye guess its platonic ralbert

genre: pure ass crack

warnings: uhmmm, race is an idiot, poorly written british accents, paul hollywood stare, uhhh, albert is Annoyed, jack is an idiot who makes bad mac, spot get Angryyy, idk im writing there before the fic is finished, katherine definitely knows the mafia

editing: lol that's funny

words: enough to fill a few pages but not enough to bore you to death like the metamorphosis

_________

“CHEESE!”

Blankets tornadoed around the room as Race jumped off the bed in a half awake sleepy haze, barely landing on his feet in a fight stance, wielding his phone like a weapon in front of him. He glared into the dark corners (not that he could even tell where the corners were considering that it was pitch dark) of the room before stumbling out into the hallway, muttering madly about cheese.

“Cheese...blue cheese…..string cheese…...mozzarella cheese….” Race barely heard his own half-mad whispers as he opened all the cabinets, rummaging around in the same matter a hurricane floods a basement, in a mad search for pasta. When he came up empty handed he scowled, sat himself up on the counter and yelled for the next best thing:

“ALLLLLLLBBEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRT!”

CRASH! That would be Albert falling out of bed. Race kicked his feet against the cabinet impatiently.

WHOOSH! SLAM! And there was Albert’s door opening and closing at an alarming speed.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! The pictures in the living room began to shake, announcing his arrival.

“Race?! What’s going on? Are you okay??” And there was Albert, sliding into the kitchen in nothing but a pair of socks and boxers (despite the fact that it was probably 3 degrees out), weilding a single black converse high top. Race wasn’t quite sure how the shoe was supposed to help him, but he decided to ignore it. He couldn’t afford to get distracted by Albert’s weird antics when there was a legitimate crisis at hand.

“Race…?” Albert asked again, slowly lowering his shoe. “Is everything-” “We’re out of pasta.”

“We’re- what?” The shoe Albert had been holding banged to the floor. “You’re telling me that you woke me up at” he peered at the oven clock over Race’s shoulder, “three fifteen am  to tell me that we’re out of pasta?”

“It’s horrible isn’t it?” Race slammed his head into the cabinet behind him. “Now I can’t make mac and cheese!” “W h y do you want to make mac and fucking cheese at three fifteen in the goddamn morning?!”

“BECAUSE ALBERT-” Race jumped down off the counter, “-I had a dream. A dream where I was competing on The Great British Bakeoff and I made my Famous mac and cheese. And Paul Hollywood, the man, the legend h i m s e l f, tasted my humble mac and said ‘Race. That is amazing.’ And gave me a handshake! And I was so honored that I awoke hungry for the wonderful, delicious, creamy taste of mac and cheese. So I wander into the kitchen and what do I find? A fridge full of cheese, but no pasta to be found!” He stepped closer to Albert, planting his hand firmly on his shoulder. “This is an emergency!”

Albert swatted away Race’s hand and rubbed his eyes, already turning back toward his room. “If Paul Hollywood deemed your mac and cheese so amazing then just hold a competition of your own and make other people make mac and cheese for you. That way I don’t have to go to Walgreens at three thirty.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “I’m going back to bed. Don’t make us lose our security deposit.”

Race stood in stunned silence as Albert disappeared down the hall and his door closed.

“That sleep deprived idiot might actually be onto something,” he muttered, launching himself onto one of the bar stools and opening his laptop. He had work to do.

•••

“You know, when I told you to host your own mac and cheese competition I thought I dreamt that entire encounter, and, now that I realize that I definitely didn’t, I especially didn't expect you to make me host it, and I certainly didn’t expect you to make me wear this dumb costume.” He tugged uncomfortably at the dark blazer and black wig.

“Oi mate, if you’re gonna be Sue yew gotta start actin like ‘er!” Race glared.

“But Race-”

“Thas Paul Hollywood to you. I don want none uh this ‘Race’ business,” he crossed his arms and gave Al his best Steely Eyed, Paul Hollywood Glare.

Albert just rolled his eyes and stomped off.

Race sighed happily as he turned to survey the tent in front of him. He had called Katherine last night after his missing pasta crisis and asked if he could use her Dad’s Hampton’s estate to host a mock version of the Great British Bakeoff but for mac and cheese. Katherine, like any good rebellious daughter, had loved the idea and called several of her “contacts” that apparently “owed her favors.” (Race didn’t understand the life of rich people, it seemed very extravagant and two-faced) And that was how Race had come to be standing in a tent with what could very well be the set up of the Great British Bakeoff laid out in front of him with he himself dressed in his very best blue button down and jeans, a spitting image of Paul Hollywood. Well, maybe Paul Hollywood 30 years ago.

His friends that he had invited on to be the contestants of the show were setting up at their stations. There was Jack, Davey, Romeo, Mush, Blink, Finch, Buttons, Specs, JoJo, Spot, Crutchie, and Smalls. Katherine had opted not to participate and instead film everyone to make it seem more like the actual show.

Someone (probably Katherine) had forced Albert to stand next to him to announce the signature challenge that they had prepared.

“Alright bakers-”

Race shot him a side glance.

“-er, mac and cheese cookers?” he tried to amend. “Today Ra-uh, Paul would like you to make a nice, hefty batch of mac and cheese. You may use whatever ingredients you would like, but he would like it to be cheesy, delicious, and contain pasta. You have 45 minutes.” Race could practically hear the sigh in his voice. “On your marks, get set, ba-cOOK!”

Finally, Race thought as his friends scrambled around their respective stations, I’m going to get some good mac.

•••

It was becoming very clear very quickly that Race may not actually be getting any good mac.

He wandered from station to station, Albert following begrudgingly behind him, progressively becoming more and more disappointed in each and every one of his friends. Didn’t any of them know how to cook?

“Roight Jack.” He leaned on the one empty scrap of counter in front of him. “What are yew makin?”

“It’s a surprise.” Jack - well he assumed it was Jack, he couldn’t really be sure with all the flour flying everywhere - ran around his workspace, which was crowded with every ingredient imaginable, from shredded cheese to, was that maple syrup?

“Jack for the sake of the show yew gotta tell us what yew’re makin.” Jack must not have the braincell today.

From somewhere in the flour cloud a timer went off. Jack yelped and dropped what sounded like several pots with an amazingly loud clatter.

“If you really must know - ouch!! - I’m making - god fUCK! - baked mac and cheese with a - SHIT! - crispy top.”

“Alright well,” Albert dodged a flying blob of flaming cheese, “we’ll leave you to it. Hopefully we get to actually eat something edible.”

“Good luck,” Race turned away from Jack’s workstation and leaned towards Albert as they made their way to Mush’s station. “Do we ave a foire extinguishah here?”

“I think so?”

“Good cause we moight need it.” Albert looked at him knowingly for a long minute before the two of them snapped out of it and approached Mush.

“So Mush,” Race said, taking in the polar opposite of the mess of a station that had been Jack’s, “what ave yew got for us?”

Mush smiled, looking up from the block of cheese that he had been grating. “Today I’m going to be making my signature mac and cheese with three kinds of cheese.”

Race let out an audible sigh of relief. Finally something that sounded edible!

“Is that pleasing enough for you, Your Highness?” Mush winked mischievously and Albert giggled.

Race straightened up, checking his mouth for drool (there was none). “Yes, oim looking forward tew it.” He watched as the cheese mush was grating flaked satisfyingly into the bowl, his mouth watering at the very sight and thought of cheese. Oh cheese. Beautiful, rich, delicious cheese. “Oi would like tew sample some cheese if yew don't mind.”

Mush straightened up, putting his hands around his cheese protectively. “And I want someone to slap me so hard my eyes fall out. We can’t all get what we want, Susan B. Anthony.”

“Hollywood, moi name is Paul Hollywood.” Race glared at Mush, horrified that he would decline him the judge a cheese sample! Paul Hollywood always got ingredient samples when he asked for them! Maybe he should have put more effort into his hair today…

“I know very well who you are,” Mush went back to grating his cheese. It was as if he were mocking Race with every bit of shredded goodness that fell onto the glorious cheese mountain.

“I do believe you’ve upset Mr. Hollywood.” Albert smirked. Of course he had to join in on the make-Race-feel-like-hes-being-mocked party.

“I don’t particularly care about Mr. Hollywood’s feelings,” Mush put down the grater and reached under his counter for a pan. “What I do care about is the fate of my mac and cheese so,” he stared at the two of them, deadpan , “be gone Thots.”

“But-”

“I SAID BE GONE THOTS!” Mush pointed a wooden spoon at the two of them menacingly and Race half expected sparks to shoot out of the end like some kind of sorcery bullshit, but all he got was a cloud of flour to the face and twelve sets of confused eyes looking at him.

“Uhh,” he mustered every ounce of Paul Hollywood that he could, “thank yew Mush.” Quickly he turned away, brushing the flour out of his sharpied on beard and mustache while Albert stifled laughter next to him. “Shut up,” he muttered.

“But that was-”

“Oi said shut- oh hoi Smalls!” He tried desperately to regain his composure as they approached the final station.

“Gucci Prada my fuckin clown wig I- oh, uh, hi!” Smalls quickly put the spatula that she had been holding behind her back.

“What are yew makin for uh today?” Race took in Smalls’s station. There was a wide array of cheese on the counter, we well as spices and breadcrumbs and pasta. But something seemed...different.

Smalls looked down at her feet, suddenly very interested in the carpet.. “I’m making gluten free baked mac and cheese.”

“Why gluten free?”

“Because,” Smalls glanced behind her briefly before hissing, “because that was the only kind of pasta I could find in my cabinet that's why you feet fucker.”

Race’s toes tingled with happiness. He do it! He could say the trademark Paul Hollywood meme thing!

“Now, when yew make mac and cheese gluten free it tends to get stickey and lose some of its taiste. Ave yew tested this to make sure that wont appen?”

“Y e s,” Smalls rolled her eyes. “I put extra oil in it so the pasta wont get sticky a n d there’s lots of spices for added flavor.” She brought her spatula out from behind her back in a soldiers salute. “I won’t disappoint you, your Highness Mr. Paul Hollywwod Sir.”

“Yew bettah not,” Race laughed as he walked back to his very official looking director’s chair (he didn’t want to know how many people Katherine had had to kill to get this).

“Sue, how much toime is left?”

“TEN MINUTES COOKERS, TEN MINUTES!”

There were varying screams of frustration from around the room as his friends scrambled to get done. The smell of cooking cheese wafted from several ovens and stoves and Race smiled contentedly. Twas almost Mac Time.

•••

Ten minutes later, as promised, Race was standing behind a Very Official looking wooden table with a fork and a glass of water, ready to taste (or spit out, depending on whose it was), his friends’ mac and cheese.

“Oilright, Davey, why don’t yew bring up yewr mac.”

Davey strode up to the table confidently, somehow without a spec of food on his apron, and placed down a plate of gooey looking pasta. Man oh man he was excited! But no, today he was Paul Hollywood. No excitement. Only glares.

He picked up his fork and took a scoop of pasta, glaring at Davey for good measure as he tasted.

He chewed for far longer than actually necessary to give Davey just enough time to get nervous before giving his verdict. “Whot yew’ve actually done is quite noice, Oi rather loike the blend of the cheddar and the goat cheese, but what yew’ve done is create something that’s so soft that its lacking textah. It’s loike Oi need somethin crunchy to offset it.”

Davey nodded. “Okay.”

“But overall noice job.” He nodded, the silent cue for Davey to take his dish and return to his station.

Race surveyed the contestants and grimaced. “Jack bring yew’re flamin bomb up here.”

He thought he heard Jack mutter some half-decent curses under his breath, but not decent enough for him to repeat.

A few seconds later a lump of orange stuff with green (???) blobs on top on a plate was placed in front of him. “Roight,” he sighed. “What ave yew got there?”

“Well this is my baked mac and cheese with green goldfish topping!” Jack said proudly.

Race looked at the plate as if it were a flesh eating disease that could kill him at any second. And, knowing Jack’s track record with food, it just might. “Any reason why you chose green goldfish?”

“Adds a pop of color!” Jack bounced on his toes.

Good gosh. Race took the tiniest bite possible on his fork and lifted it to his mouth-

“Make sure you get a goldfish!” Jack insisted. “Really adds a burst of flavor!”

“Oh sure, sure.” Race picked one up before shoving the whole abomination into his mouth. He chewed for a few seconds before swallowing down as best as he could.

“Wow that is pitiful,” Race coughed. “The pasta is overcooked, and the cheese, yew’ve cooked it too much so that it’s become gummy, and all the moistah has gone into the goldfish and made them soggy.”

“Oh,” Jack sounded deflated.

“Overall the textah is a bit claggy, and no one loikes a claggy bit of cheese.”

“Right, right.” Jack stroked his invisible beard.

“Overall its dreadful and Oi’d loike it if you removed it from my sights, preferably to the bin. Next!”

•••

Almost a half hour later Race was practically done testing all of the mac and cheese, save for Mush’s and Smalls’s. Along with Jack’s trashpile, Spot’s had also been notably horrible, it was somehow burnt and undercooked at the same time? Race didn’t even want to know. Crutchie’s and JoJo’s though had been surprisingly decent, and both were in the running to win.  

“Oilroight Smalls, bring up yewr mac why don’t yew.”

A few moments later a plate of mac and cheese was dumped in front of Race with no class whatsoever. “Here you go Mr. Paul Sir.”

Race stabbed his fork into the pile of noodles. “This was the gluten free baked mac and cheese, roight?” “Yes your highness.”

Race rolled the noodles around on his tongue for a few long moments while his taste buds analyzed the flavor combinations.

“Roight so, I warned yew about this bein tasteless roight?” Smalls quirked up her eyebrow. “It’s tasteless isn’t it.”

“Yes. Get it away from me at once.”

“Of course, your lordship.” Smalls snatched the plate from the table, even curtsying to Race before making her way back to her station, picking up a fork, and digging into her own mac and cheese.

“I don't know what you’re talking about Mister Colonel Hollywood Sir, this tastes great!”

Race bushed imaginary crumbs off of his table. “And Oi’m goin tew pretend Oi didn’t hear that.” He pointed to Mush. “Mush, bring up yewr creation, if yew pleathe.”

“But of course!” Mush placed down his plate of mac and cheese in front of Race, who dug in immediately. “What you have there is parmesan, cheddar, and american cheese with elbow pasta. Enjoy.”

Race let the glorious noodles glide over his tongue as his palate was enveloped in a wonderful cheese flavor. He was amazed. He was astounded. Hell he was even speechless! What did Paul Hollywood do when he was speechless? Oh right!

“Well done Mush,” he stuck out his hand for the famous Paul Hollywood Handshake. “That’s a really great plate you’ve made.”

“Oh, thank you sir!” Mush smiled joyfully as Albert tried to sneak a bite of the mac and cheese. Race swatted his hand away with his other hand.

“In fact, it’s the best that Oi’ve had today, and Oi announce yew as Star Cooker!”

The room erupted into cheers and everyone ran to hug Mush while Race quickly finished his mac and cheese. His plan had worked perfectly. The next time he was out of pasta at three am he knew exactly who to call.

•••

“Hello? Do you need help burying the body?” A tired voice answered the phone.

“Mush, it’s Race. I’m craving mac and cheese and I don't have any pasta. Can you-”

“NO!”

_________

so how bout that huh

anyway sappy boi hours heh i love mikey and im real happy that were friends cause he's the absolute best and i cant wait to meet him next week eeee

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

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[theradioghost]

my-inside-out-thoughts replied to your post “one day when i’m sleep deprived and emotional ill post my essay on why...”

Please

as it happens im sleep deprived and emotional tonight, so you know what? looks like im triple posting

(be advised that this is 1500 words of ramble that starts too personal and ends too pretentious, but god damn, guys, I love Mick Mercury, and here is why:)

so most of the reason im audio drama and Noir Garbage (tm) is that about age 15, when I was severely depressed and so deep in my anxiety I literally went weeks at a time without talking to people, one of my coping mechanisms was old radio serials. mostly noir, specifically Chandler adaptations, Yours Truly Johnny Dollar, Broadway Is My Beat, Dragnet, and Boston Blackie (also Gunsmoke but my deep and abiding love for Matt Dillon is a different post). I felt like the world was falling apart for me personally and also on a global scale, and the world of noir made a weird kind of sense to me at the time? you had these characters who were the only people who seemed to see that the world was Shit, that it was Bad, that innocent people were getting hurt, that everyone was alone and especially them. noir detectives were my emo phase, is what I’m saying.

except they did something? the world was mean and out to get them and they kept fighting anyway, week after week (thanks, weekly serial format), and they lost, and it sucked, but even when there’s literally no suggestion that they’re doing it out of a sense of hope, those characters kept going. that made sense to me, at the time, as a kind of heroism. that sort of deep-down, dark, burning need to keep standing up against the big, bad world, even when it did absolutely nothing, because someone had to. that was an idea that got me through a lot of bad days.

(this is also why terry pratchett’s Watch books mean so much to me, but again: another essay entirely.)

so it was really, really cool at first to find the penumbra, because here it was – everything I’d ever felt, every part of myself I’d ever seen in that shit I ate up as a scared kid, and it was explicit and deliberate, and on top of that it embraced the things about me that old noir never would, I could see myself in it as a queer girl, too, and on top of all that it was in space

(I love the Penumbra so much, you guys,)

and then I got to The Day That Wouldn’t Die, and I cried, because I was wrong

noir privileges the narrator’s viewpoint. you get those infamous first-person monologues, the jaded detective who is, as I said, the only person who sees the world as it really is – dark, and mean, and merciless. and of course, I assumed that the Penumbra was the same way, because that’s certainly what Juno thinks is the case. but it’s not. It’s not at all. because Juno is wrong about his world, and Mick Mercury is the proof.

because the other thing about noir is that it’s expressionistic – in other words, because of that pesky first person, the outside world comes to resemble the narrator’s inner world. we see Hyperion City through Juno’s eyes. and Juno isn’t a reliable narrator. Juno is depressed and depression is a fucking liar. Juno’s wrong. or at least, Juno isn’t entirely right.

Mick Mercury grew up in the same awful, awful place that Juno did, and he didn’t even get to leave it. he’s been poor and in debt his whole life. it doesn’t sound much like he gets along too well with his dad. he had a childhood just as terrible and at least one best friend who beat up on him. but what else do we know about Mick? well, we know that Dark Matters didn’t need a plan to specifically lure Juno into their scenario. it’s apparently a safe bet that if you give Mick Mercury money for drinks, he’s gonna invite his best friend. (and juno will come, too.) And he didn’t do it for the anniversary, either; he did it because he cares about Juno and worries about him and wants to spend time with him.

(strike one against the worldview of juno “I am a bad person and Alone” steel; Mick has seen him at his worst and loves him very, very much.)

also, mick has been actively worrying about juno??? (same.) he immediately compliments juno’s shitty stuff and he means it? he’s always, always sincere. and furthermore, he’s fucking terrified the whole episode. Juno’s a hardened ex-cop who gets shot at regularly and Sasha is a badass secret agent. Mick is not these things! Mick puts rollerblades on dogs! He’s also being physically and emotionally tortured with one of the worst days of his life. He gets shot, almost loses a leg in the tubes, then gets dragged off underwater by a nightmare monster version of himself and concussed, all this time terrified of monsters – and he tries to convince them to leave him and save themselves. When juno does this, it is, tbqh, very much wrapped up in juno’s hurting and Issues. Mick’s doing it out of love and bravery and he inspires the same thing in his friends, too.

And after all of this??? this awful, awful day?? His immediate first priority is going straight back to his original goal: Is Juno okay? Make Juno talk to someone about not being okay. And Juno throws some pretty horrible stuff at him, too, and his response is to give?? Some really good advice, honestly. And sure, we know that Mick’s memories of their childhood aren’t exactly accurate, but why does that mean that Juno’s are? Mick struggles with metaphors and with other people’s emotions in conversation. Mick’s goofy and kind and cares about others and sees the good in things and people. But the thing is, that doesn’t make him naïve, or foolish, or wrong. he turns out to be wise and insightful enough to surprise juno there, doesn’t he? Mick himself is proof that there is good, real good, to see in people in Hyperion City.

Juno came out of Oldtown traumatized and Sasha came out hard and Mick didn’t get out at all and this is still what he’s like.

despite everything he’s been through Mick is selfless, caring, sincere, resilient, hopeful. And furthermore, he doesn’t just be these things. Because Mick Mercury is first and foremost a storyteller. Mick has hopes and dreams of better things, and Mick sees better things in the world already around him, and all he does is share that with others. Mick makes kids dream. Mick gives Juno hope. Mick Mercury tells stories that he believes in so deeply that they become true – stories about monsters, yeah, but also stories about good people. Mick believes so much in a better world that he’s already living there. It becomes real around him.

And after Mick, so much else became apparent to me – mainly Nureyev. Nureyev, who I was so sure was going to pull a true Femme/Homme Fatale and vanish again or break Juno’s heart or ultimately thwart him – that’s what that archetype does! But Nureyev isn’t an homme fatale. He’s been through unfathomable pain, had his moral compass severely screwed up by his weird criminal dad and his upbringing on a hell planet where every crime gets the same absolute punishment, and he still thinks the universe is a beautiful place. He decides, on his own, that Mars needs saving. He falls in love with people and with places – really, really, deeply in love. He sees so much in the universe that’s worthwhile that he’s running through it nonstop trying to see and love every bit of it that he possibly can. Mick and Peter look at the same world Juno does and see something very, very different, and Juno’s not wrong when he sees pain, when he sees injustice, when he sees cruel people and moral indifference, and there are reasons why that’s the world that he sees, but that doesn’t mean it’s the whole and only truth.

I love Mick Mercury because he made me realize that Juno Steel doesn’t live in a noir universe at all. he just lives inside of a very, very noir Juno Steel. And I feel like I’m fifteen again, I feel like Juno Steel at fifteen, hearing hopes that the world can be better. that it already is. and just because there are still days (because now especially, there are days) when I look at the world and the whole thing seems so totally, irretrievably, impossibly dark doesn’t mean that’s true. There are good things out there, good things inside us, shining cities and constellations and love, even if it’s hard to see them right now. and when we can, we tell the stories. and when we can’t, we listen to someone else tell them to us. and we keep telling em till we get there.