#my autistic bartender ass

[caffeinated-problem-solver]

I think it's wrong to overly criticize neurotypicals just for existing. If we didn't have NTs we wouldn't have honey. I love honey so much but if it were left to my autistic ass it'd be unharvestable. If you put a single teaspoon of honey on my hand I'd melt into the floor and die. But I watch these videos of people harvesting honey and it's pouring everywhere, all over the knife and their hands. I feel the same way about bartenders, they get simple syrup and citrus juice everywhere just so I can have a daiquiri.

In closing, I do not like feeling sticky, but I like things that might make me sticky; that is why we have NTs.

[cookiekitkat8484]

dipper hcs

This is super long, like 2000 words super long because i have a huge hyperfixation and cringe culture is dead. he reminds me of me and my friends/family so i have a million ideas. split into topics for reading convenience

low 20s, autistic, bi + demi with a preference for women, ftm. I totally understand people disliking ftm dipper because of stan and mabel making fun of his masculinity and it would be shitty in canon but this is my post so i make the rules bitch and am pretending that never happened. None of this is ship stuff. I imagine him to basically look like the lovley art in this post.  

shares an apartment with mabel in portland, completely full of nerd memorabilia, stacks of boardgames, mabels diys, a conspiracy corkboard, and arts & crafts materials 

works in a bar/arcade where wendy bartends, calls soos and fidds when he needs help fixing machines

pet ferret called pippin

started his own journal 

pacificas plus one to her prissy rich person events, sit in the corner and shit talk

carries around fidget toys, was too embarrassed till mabel convinced him (partially because his pens kept exploding everywhere)

has protective runes tattooed 

mabel talks about astrology to be annoying, is baited into getting mad and rambling about how modern astrology is fake and a scam every single time

nervous driver, doesnt have a car but is sometimes driven by mabel in her heavily adorned funmobile; worries about her "enthusiastic" driving

helps mabel dye her hair after a three am hair emergency, got really good and started bleaching pacificas till she decided to chop it and grow it out natural (refused money from her parents after moving out), which used to be the ultimate gossip sessions

joint problems and pain, god awful posture

one sided beef with all of mabels partners till they “prove themselves”

doesnt believe in cooking like he (mainly) used to not believe in laundry

punched someone for making fun of mabel, got beat up so mabel kicked their asses (thank you stan and wendy for her "training")

only social media is reddit, an instagram account made and run by pacifica, youtube, and a tumblr on nerd/mystery stuff 

only has tumblr bc candy convinced him in like 2014 then he succumbed to the brain rott, they're mutuals and make weird references no one else gets, personalises blog extensively via html/css, had a brief superwholock phase in 2015 (fight me)

coded mabels laptop into a custom 2000s esc blinged out hellscape she made in graphic design class, got her rgb stuff bc she likes rainbows and he thinks its funny

occasionally clashes with mabel bc shes sensory seeking and he gets sensory overload

pacifica takes him clothes shopping bc otherwise he will literally never buy new clothes, sometimes go thrifting with mabel the thrift god

mildly dyslexic and in denial

needs glasses but usually wears contacts because he finds them annoying then forgets to take them out

wears glasses when he misses the grunkles

Sugar addict like mabel and their pantry shows it 

Best nerd shirt collection, like, that's all he wears

Gets into online arguments way too much for no reason 

Mabel makes like ten different protective friendship bracelets with unicorn hair so he could have options, just wears all of them at once

uni

journalism major with a minor in computer science 

takes history, pure maths, and film units as electives 

member/helps run the clubs for DnD [DD&MD], MTG, Warhammer, and scifi & fantasy appreciation

founder and president of the uni cryptozoology, supernatural, aliens, and occult society (CSACS)

gets ford to proof read his writing/math and fidds his code

attends lectures for units hes not even enrolled in for fun

has gotten into multiple arguments with professors, including ones that dont even teach him 

has read theory (all people who’ve read theory are annoying including myself)

hobbies

goes to cons with mabel, she helps with (/mainly makes for him) matching cosplays to fill the trick or treating void

once met spock and kirks actors and got so excited he passed out so mabel took pics of him on the floor next to them and she thinks its the funniest thing to ever exist

DMs multiple online DnD [DD&MD] and ttrpgs groups, 3.5e truther

competes in MTG tournaments 

does karaoke night with mabel and the gals atleast once a month, sometimes brings pacifica 

goes to the renaissance fair with the squad where him, mabel, ford, and soos all dress up and get super into character with melony; wendy and stan take shrooms and go to watch the sword fighting 

listens to DnD podcasts 

ex band kid and still plays Sousaphone, often to mabels dismay 

obsessed with boardgames and hosts boardgame nights, always makes everyone play super overcomplicated ones then has to play monopoly when its stan and mabels choice

almost always wins boardgames and knows how every mechanic works, has only occasionally lost to ford (who is a sore loser lol)

has had risk games last multiple days after its only him and ford left

bonds with mabel and soos painting figures (warhammer, dnd, the usual) and embraces her covering hers in glitter and gems

goes ghost hunting, has a shit tone of real gear from ford and fidds and sometimes vlogs, quotes buzzfeed unsolved

secret AO3 account, caught grunkle stan writing dutches approves fics but both have sworn an oath of secrecy 

wendy taught him skateboarding, doesnt do tricks (uncoordinated as shit) but uses it as transport

broke bc he cant resist collectables 

made his own pc from scratch using parts he bought and custom ones made by fidds

goes to local band concerts with wendy and her gang including watching wendy play drums

Did debate in highschool, usually gets nervous doing public speaking but gets so invested he forgets; is second speaker

tech guy for productions mabel is in

games 

loves all strategy and puzzle games

fav games include fallout 1&2, nethack, xcom, civ, FTL, and dwarf fortress

ford and fidds play games they used to play before the portal accident with him eg. zork, MUD1, rouge, star trek, colossal cave adventure, and mystery house

plays portal 2 with ford and sometimes mabel

plays baldurs gate with mabel and she spent five hours doing character customisation, he plays wizard and she plays bard and both are total stereotypes

played lethal company and phasmophobia with mabel, soos, wendy, grenda, and candy (goes as expected) (lots of screaming)

BDG unravelled fan and grew up on matpat but cant play fnaf or ddlc bc giffany 

had a breakdown playing dark souls and started crying at 2am so mabel banned it permanently

spectacularly bad at rhythm games but will play with mabel anyway and she completely sweeps, esp in arcades and just dance

plays bishi bashi with the gang and have broken the machine multiple times

really good at retro arcade games, shares strats with soos and remembers all the combos for everything; helps kids beat levels at work

gets ford to help optimise game stats/teams/strats with the POWER OF MATHS !!!, has on occasion coded algorithms to assist 

forced everyone to play among us constantly for like three months straight

member of mabel, candy, and grendas chaotic nightmare of a minecraft server, usually offline and generally regrets it when he joins; more of a terraria guy

undertale kid

ports/emulates games himself, esp retro console stuff like old fire emblem, Zelda, earthbound

in the ace attorney fandom  

runs a server for online friends he plays games with

shows/movies

does annual lotr (extended edition) marathons with ford, mabel drifts in and out of watching because snacks and that legolas and arwin are both a “total smash” (elf apreciator)

loves all scifi, including classics like star trek, star wars, ext.

watches doctor who with mabel (shes a david tennant enjoyer) including the super old stuff, replies with one of the classic who doctors when people ask his fav and confuse them 

goes to old scifi/horror/fantasy rerun marathons, wendy joins depending on the films

watches scifi and mecha anime with soos and fidds, sometimes ford joins

loves evangelion, knows cruel angels thesis in japanese, lowkey a shinji kinnie and is bullied ruthlessly 

watches candys exquisite curation of 90s shoujo with her, mabel, and grenda; wont admit he gets super into it but has been caught doing sailor moon magical girl transformation poses 

watched madoka magica with the gals and was kuybey hater #1 from the start

never shuts the fuck up about theories and guesses the end of movies unless mabel smothers him with a pillow

hate watches conspiracy theory/ghost hunting shows with wendy bc theyre either laughably wrong or so close and totally missing the obvious, except this one random guy who was somehow spot on (like doug forcett in the good place) 

Made to watch all of twilight at a girls night because mabel (mostly) watched lotr, cant stop overthinking the insane lore implications which somehow get worse with every book fact mabel tells him (because what the fuck ???? the world building is batshit), him and candy keep periodically saying effervescent and bursting into hysterics to the others confusion

still quotes star wars bad lip readings with mabel

books

favs include hitchikers guide to the galaxy, discworld, lotr, do androids dream of electric sheep, earthsea, dune, and HP lovecraft esp cuthullu 

him and ford have both read the salmirilion and make it everyones problem

likes classic scifi and early cyberpunk, esp spec fic thats wacky or raises ethical questions to ponder with ford

loves sherlock homes and agatha christie, big who dunnit story fan

read good omens bc mabel likes the show (again, david tennant enjoyer) and its terry pratchet + neil gaiman, tries to get her to read the book for ages and eventually she listens to the audiobook

music

owns spirit phone on vinyl, made ford listen once and accidentally gave him flashbacks

likes lemon demon, TWERP, starbomb, NSP, tally hall, will wood, and other nerd bands 

they might be giants and potusa enjoyer

can and will recite the entirety of the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny at the drop of a hat

went through a midwest emo phase, still listens to csh

listens to vocaloid with candy; went to a concert with the gals and everyone learnt the dances, mabel decorated their light sticks 

always ends up belting [B]ABBA when drunk

Fav [B]ABBA songs are disco girl and under attack 

weezer defender, bullied by mabel and wendy

listens to math rock with ford while stan complains the time signatures and polyrhythms (though he’d never bother to learn the terms) give him a headache 

listens to game OSTs and chiptune stuff

mabel got him into musicals, knows the words to hamilton, bmc, and dear evan hansen, sing duets together

trans 

once forgot to take off a too small binder for like two days and fainted, mabel made him a custom one

short king, used to have hight dysphoria

mabel alters his pants bc mens trousers are evil for the transmasc gang

didnt shave ever when he first got his wiskers till pacifica staged an intervention 

forgot to tell stan he was trans till he got body hair and stan joked it was his genetics to thank, dipper responded he was lucky the T was actually effective

drinking/drugs

cant smoke weed or he gets suuuuper paranoid, only smoked once w wendy and tried to smoke more to calm down but just ended up greening hard

drinks alcoholic ginger beer and indie APIs wendy recommends, though shes more of a whisky and scotch

super low alcohol tolerance, doesnt drink often

drinks mabels own recipe cocktail monstrosities when she convinces him they wont get shitfaced, always ends up shitfaced because theyre 100% alcohol + sugar and mabels tolerance is like double his; always eventually ends with him trying to explain lotr poorly

once drank so much caffeine he started hallucinating 

tripsits mabel (LSD legend) and sometimes wendy (totally does shrooms), again is neurotic and should under no circumstances take hallucinogens 

sometimes smokes cigs when stressed, tries to hide it but is laughably bad, will ocasionally bum a cig off wendy

[locked-dog]

Throw back to when the hottest bartender I've ever seen (tall hairy bear with tattoos piercings and the best hair ever) bought me a drink and my oblivious autistic ass literally was like "OMG thanks! You're so nice to new people ☺️" n when I got home I felt like I got hit by a car with the realization

[occasionalincorrectquotes]

Answering this because I can <3 10 Shows to get to know me (because I'm obsessed w them) no movies because I'm not the movie type of person apparently.

1. CELLS AT WORK !!!!!! THOSE CELLS CAN WORK IT !!! BTW DID YALL KNOW THERES A LIVE ACTION COMING OUTTTTT OK PLEASE WATCH IT

2. Fuck you if you don't like Steven Universe. That show shaped my idea and opinion on gay people in this homophobic ass country. They are not perfect but they were good enough to save me from eternal hatred.

3. NINJAGO my god Ninjago shaped my teenage years so much. The amount of brain chemistry a few colorful ninja can change is staggering. My god.

4. Unfortunately for me, House MD. Medical investigation + Old man Yaoi was too good to resist. I am just a biology nerd at heart.

5. Owl House <3 they had such potential like SU and got absolutely obliterated by hatred. Fuck you Disney. I love u Alador.

6. Death Parade. They made me cry SO much I am insane. Their intro is a banger and constantly reminds me of the horrors they'd put in that one season no manga anime.

7. Another white people series, Big Bang Theory. The science got to me. Also funny how Sheldon is a better rep of autism than Shaun Murphy The Good Doctor. Fuck it up guy, he's the embodiment of "autistic ppl are the sweetest <3" "not me im a cunt"

8. Bartender <3 2006, the J Drama, 2024 and the manga. All of it. It's such a weird seies you can't really describe what it's about. It's just a guy doing bartending things but also romanticising it to hell and back. I love you Ryuu Sasakura.

9. Dinosaur train. I'm being for real guys that show is so. It doesn't have lore it doesn't have anything deep it's just a family finding out about dinosaurs but it's so good. Mr Conductor my beloved. Mwah.

10. Spy X Family half because I remember it more than any other series so far. I like it more than Assassination classroom and I just don't know if Ron Kamonohashi's forbidden deductions can top it yet, but I believe in it, Ron can do it. I really like Yor for being SUCH a loser but so serious when it comes to saving her beloved Anya. Also Yuri is the funniest man I've ever seen in anime. Give that man more failures.

Get to Know You Tag game

10 Shows/Movies to get to know me

TMNT 2012

Star Wars Clone Wars

Bad Batch

How to Train your Dragon

Transformers Prime

Ninjago

Rottmnt

Harry Potter

Spider-Man into the spiderverse

Brave

NPT

@notgonnaedit @ninilily @bibliophilesince2003 @kybercrystals94 @hugmekenobi and anyone else who wants to join!

[armandyke]

The good news is I’ve discovered one of the bartenders at work is into marvel

The bad news is he’s team iron man

[whumpmatsus]

Hi I’m a silent fan who loves your work:) I’m too shy to say it directly but I do! I have possibly an odd request if you’d like to write it but you don’t have to if this is too out of your zone ;__; I headcanon ichimatsu as autistic because he displays a lot of behaviours I have with autism as well (low monotone voice, doesn’t really emote a lot,shown to be uncomfortable with being touched sometimes, difficultly saying verbally and directly what he means, even the way he sits with his knees right up to his chest LOL) I was wondering if you could write something to do with that if you wanted to! It could be anything like hurt comfort (have you ever seen the scene from the osomatsu game dead or working where ichimatsu and osomatsu get a job together and osomatsu yells at their boss for making ichimatsu feel bad that he’s not able to naturally smile and speak as expressively as his brother is by saying “that’s just how he is!!” ..I thought that was so sweet😢 maybe something along those lines but with any brother you want! But my personal favourite ichimatsu relationships are with kara, jyushi and oso lol)

Sorry that this is such a specific request you can reallt do whatever..I love your writing so much! Thank you!

hiiii, I'm so glad you like my content!! if you ever wanna come talk directly, I'm 100% okay with that, but as someone who's kinda shy myself I totally understand that it's not easy 💜

as for the request!! I don't know if this is a headcanon I'd subscribe to personally in my usual writing of Ichimatsu (my headcanons for him right now are depression and anxiety, social anxiety, and avoidant personality disorder) buuuuut it's definitely an interesting one to play around with, so I enjoyed exploring it, and I can absolutely see why it's a headcanon you have!

I'm not autistic myself (at least not that I know of; tho I do have some anxiety and maybe possibly undiagnosed ADD, but again, that's only a possibility so idk) so I hope I portrayed it ok, at least the behaviors Ichimatsu would have!

this is technically Allmatsu because DUDE all the brothers are so supportive of him, but it does skew a bit toward Parkamatsu because... well, I haven't written a lot of Parkamatsu here yet XD

I hadn't seen this scene before because I've never played the game and had some trouble finding English subbed videos of people playing it, but I found an English subbed one of this scene this morning and AUGH MY HEART, OSO IS A GOOD BIG BROTHER FIGHT ME!!

I hope you enjoy!!! I tossed some brief NPCs in there too because I thought it would be cute lol

-

As far as the Matsuno sextuplets are concerned, even though Osomatsu can be a dumbass and a jerk sometimes, he’s the eldest. That gives him a little more (unofficial) authority within their little group. If he says something that’s not totally ridiculous, the rest of them listen. They follow his lead when it’s reasonable. He doesn’t know best all the time, but some of the time.

That ‘listen to the oldest brother when he’s not being a stupid ass’ effect is probably how they all ended up working in the same restaurant.

It’s a good idea, and Osomatsu made sense when talking about how they should all apply there. Maybe they could work in different departments, but if they’re all working in the same place, they can keep an eye on each other. It’ll be easier to talk to each other on lunch breaks… and maybe they can pull a couple silly pranks on their coworkers, pretending to be each other like they did when they were younger.

Besides, it’s time they all got jobs anyway, even if it’s just part-time. They’ve gotta start somewhere, after all. It’s been about a week since they started; they’re settling in pretty well. Osomatsu and Choromatsu are doing great as bartenders, Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu are hard at work in the kitchen, and Ichimatsu went along with Totty to be a server.

Everyone else seems to be doing pretty great. Ichimatsu, on the other hand, is half a step away from hating his job.

It’s not that he isn’t putting effort into it. He’s doing the best he can, and jobs aren’t supposed to be fun, sure, but… this goes beyond him simply not liking the job. It’s not a good fit for him, he thinks. His brothers are all enjoying their jobs, and meanwhile he’s struggling to get through a whole shift without running to the bathroom to cry.

In the single week he’s been here, he’s had so many customers complain about him. He doesn’t engage, he isn’t friendly, he speaks quietly and sounds like he’s bored, he slouches, he doesn’t laugh at people’s jokes… the list of complaints customers have about him is endless. Every day it’s something new.

He’s always been a little different from his brothers. He has trouble with anything social, and his face has never been as expressive as them unless he’s really feeling something ― forcing an expression onto his face is difficult for him. Even though he tries to work his life around it, and it doesn’t bother the people who love him, it’s a huge obstacle to his new job.

Every time Takeda-san, the general manager, tells him that he seems not to be doing well, Ichimatsu tries to defend himself by saying he’d be more comfortable working in the kitchen. He’d switch places with Jyushimatsu in a heartbeat, even though it would mean working with Karamatsu.

And every time, Takeda-san tells him no, he’s just not trying hard enough, that he has to do better at this job. “There’s no job-hopping around here, so just try harder,” he says, so Ichimatsu tries to double down on the effort he’s putting in.

It doesn’t really work, though. He’s already trying as hard as he can to do a good job. There’s really nothing wrong with his performance. He’s polite and doesn’t give customers attitude, he brings everyone the right food and corrects mistakes if he makes them, he tells everyone to have a nice day when they leave. It’s just that he doesn’t usually have a smile on his face, and his voice is a little flat, and he doesn’t connect in a personal way.

Seriously, what does Takeda-san expect? He’s doing the best he can. If he wasn’t trying as hard as he could, he’d have already given up on this bullshit. Even though it’s not the best job for him, he’s still putting in as much work as he can.

At least he and Totty are a pretty good tag-team working together. The restaurant is on the small side, so they share the main section. If one of their tables is ready to leave and whoever served them in the beginning is busy with another table, the other one will tap in to finish things. Right at the moment, Ichimatsu notices that Totty’s currently trying to get everyone at one table their food, while the table he got earlier looks like they’ve got their check ready.

At the moment, he just put in orders for his own table, so those won’t be ready for a few minutes. “Hey, Totty,” he calls as he steps away from the kitchen doors. “Want me to get the check from table 4?”

“Ah! Are they ready to pay? Sorry, this food just came out… yes, please, if you don’t mind!”

“Yeah, no problem.” He walks over toward the table, doing his best to collect himself; he can feel Takeda-san’s eyes on him from behind the cash counter. Table 4 is a young family with a couple of kids, and although they’re entertaining themselves, they also seem to be patiently waiting for someone to take their payment. “Hey, guys… sorry about the wait. You’re all set?”

The woman smiles and reaches to hand him the tray where the check is set. “It’s okay, hon, we haven’t been waiting long!” With her other arm she catches the whining child who presses himself into her side, laughing. “Yep, here’s the check and my card. Could we just get a receipt after you run it through?”

“Sure.” He takes the tray from her and moves to step toward the counter, then an afterthought pops up in his mind. “Oh, uh… there was nothing wrong with anything for you guys, right?”

The man, with the more energetic little girl clambering in his lap, beams. “No, no, everything was great. Our server was really attentive.”

Ichimatsu nods. “Okay, good. Be back in a minute.”

Practically as soon as he steps behind the counter to take care of the check, Takeda-san is grabbing him by the arm. He freezes up, only able to look at his boss in fear for a moment, then tries to pull his arm back. “Takeda-san? I’m just taking care of this…”

“Yeah, no. I’ll take care of it, because apparently, you can’t even follow simple instructions right.” The check and the woman’s card is snatched from his hand, and as Takeda-san processes the payment, he continues to scold Ichimatsu. It started out just loud enough for him to hear, but now the whole restaurant can hear it. “You just don’t listen, do you? Are you lazy? I get so many complaints about you, it’s unreal! I could just have your brother do your job, and it’d work out better. He actually knows how to smile and be friendly to people.”

When he steps out from the counter toward table 4, Ichimatsu can’t do anything except follow, looking and feeling a little lost. (Actually, what he feelsis two inches tall. This is nothing new and he hates it all the same.) “I’m not paying you to have that resting bitch face, to talk as if a little bit of work and serving people is an inconvenience for you.”

“But it’s not…” he mumbles, quickly looking down to avoid any eye contact his boss might try to give. “I’m trying my best.”

“Well, maybe your best just isn’t good enough, right?”

That sentiment makes Ichimatsu’s heart sink. As much as he gets nervous in social situations, he thought he was doing an okay job no matter what Takeda-san said. All his brothers are proud of him, and proud of each other. It’s not his fault that Takeda-san put him in a department that doesn’t quite mesh with his personality and strengths. “I could… go try being a dishwasher in the kitchen. Maybe I’d be better at that.”

“You’re joking, right? You’re so incompetent, I wouldn’t even trust you with that! If you can’t get the hang of something as simple as smiling, you’re a lost cause at any job!” Takeda-san sets the check tray back down on the table so that the customers can take their card and receipt. The action is coupled with a smile that looks so fake, Ichimatsu wonders if Takeda-san knows everyone can see right through it. Totty’s fake smile is better than that, for fuck’s sake. “I apologize for the service you received just now.”

With that, he turns back to Ichimatsu. “Listen, if you’re not more happy and welcoming by tomorrow, Ichimatsu, I’m going to have to let you go. If you can’t follow orders, there’s no place for you here.”

The woman in the booth, now trying to calm the clearly overstimulated child who’s still attempting to hide his face in her side, looks up at Takeda-san with a confused expression. “H-hey, what do you mean? There’s nothing to apologize for. He was just fine.”

Before she or Takeda-san can say anything else, suddenly Osomatsu is walking over from the bar area ― looking angry, with Choromatsu still behind the counter wearing an expression of shock. “You can’t fire him just for not smiling and shit! He’s not giving bad service; people just think they’re allowed to be jerks because he didn’t bend over backwards to be a happy robot for ‘em!”

Takeda-san’s face contorts in displeasure, even though he’s never had any issues with Osomatsu before. “Osomatsu, get back to your station. This isn’t any of your business.”

“Are you kidding me?! You’re being a dick to my baby brother, that’s the definition of my business! You’re mad ‘cause he doesn’t force himself to smile and he doesn’t talk all peppy, but he doesn’t need to do any of that to be good at his job! That’s just how he is!”

Takeda-san is having none of it. “Well, I hate to tell you this, but if that’s just how he is, then he’s not going to be here much longer, and I’d be surprised if he could find a job anywhere else.”

By this point, Totty is far beyond done serving his table and has gravitated toward the scene. “Hey, that’s not fair! Ichimatsu-nii-san is doing a great job. Whoever’s complaining about him probably just wanted something to complain about in the first place. I mean, didn’t you see how he noticed my hands were full so he came to take care of this table? He could have just ignored it and let me deal with it, but he was trying to take care of our customers.”

Ichimatsu shakes his head and takes a step back. “Hey… it’s okay. Osomatsu, Totty, don’t worry about it… if I get fired, then…”

“Ah, no!” Osomatsu reaches up, taking his uniform tie off before tossing it in Takeda-san’s direction. “You’re not gonna get fired, because you know what? We all quit! You’re not gonna treat one of us like crap and expect the rest of us to just be okay with it! Ichimatsu’s a good worker, and if you’re gonna fire him just because he’s not super smiley, then you don’t deserve any of us!”

He storms over and takes Ichimatsu’s hand. Despite feeling a little embarrassed by the scene, Ichimatsu can’t stop himself from shuffling closer to his oldest brother’s protective presence. “We’re outta here, Ichimacchan.” He turns his head toward the bar area. “Choromatsu, let’s go!”

As Choromatsu scurries over, giving stammered apologies to the customers he’s just served at the bar, Osomatsu marches himself and Ichimatsu toward the kitchen doors. “Karamatsu! Jyushimatsu!”

Both of them poke their heads out of the kitchen; it looks like the two of them are covered in flour from whatever they’ve been working on. “Ahahah, what’s up, Osomatsu-nii-san??”

“C’mon, we quit our jobs.” Osomatsu gestures for them to get over here with his free hand. “Takeda-san thinks Ichimatsu not smiling and talking in his normal voice is worth firing him over. So we’re all leaving.”

Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu’s aprons, along with Totty’s apron and Choromatsu’s tie, are thrown at the manager’s feet. “I suppose it was inevitable,” Karamatsu sighs dramatically, draping an arm over Ichimatsu’s shoulders. “We were never destined to stay in one place of employment forever. So as the winds of change blow, so must we be carried with them.”

Ichimatsu manages a soft chuckle, though a smile doesn’t come with it. “Ow… painful…” But he turns his head in against Karamatsu’s shoulder anyway, thankful for one more wall of protection.

“You lazy NEETs have been here for a week!” Takeda-san hisses. “Good luck if you think you’re getting a reference from me! If this is all it takes for you to walk out of a job, none of you will ever amount to anything!”

Jyushimatsu hurries behind Ichimatsu to ‘guard’ him from that direction, throwing his arms around Ichimatsu’s middle. “We will so, because we stick together! Ichimatsu-nii-san deserves a nicer boss than you, anyway!”

“L-let’s just get out of here, can we?” Choromatsu mumbles, hurrying up to join Osomatsu’s other side. “Sorry, Takeda-san, b-but… but you treating Ichimatsu like that is… r-really out of line. We can find somewhere else to work.”

Osomatsu scoffs and starts the walk out. “Yeah, that’s right! We can find a better place to work, and we don’t give a shit about your reference. But as for you, good luck not shutting down during the dinner rush when you just lost two-thirds of your evening employees because you decided to be an ass!”

Nothing more really needs to be said, so the six of them are out the door.

It’s already dark outside, and when Totty shivers, Ichimatsu immediately pulls him in for a hug. The youngest sighs as he cuddles into his big brother. “What a night. I didn’t know he was that bad… you don’t talk to your staff like that in front of customers!”

“You don’t talk to them like that ever,” Osomatsu huffs.

“Well, yeah, true. But definitely not where customers can hear you. Double bad boss points.”

Choromatsu frowns, patting Osomatsu’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. “What’s his problem, anyway? S-sure, Ichimatsu isn’t Totty levels of friendly and sociable, but he was giving pretty good service.”

Ichimatsu continues to try and hide against Karamatsu’s shoulder, earning a deep chuckle and a tighter embrace from his older brother. “You guys didn’t have to do that…”

“You didn’t even like that job,” Jyushimatsu hums. “He should have switched you and me, but he was being stubborn and mean! We’ll find an even better job. Maybe you can be an official kitty-petter! That’s a thing, right?”

This time when Ichimatsu laughs, his lips quirk upward a little. “I wish.”

A small part of him hates that just because of his own incompatibility with the job, his brothers all don’t have jobs now either. But… he sort of gets where they’re coming from, why they quit with him, because he wouldn’t want to work for someone who treated one of his brothers the way Takeda-san treated him.

The six of them stand there in the chilly night air for a moment, then the restaurant door opens.

It’s the family from table 4, with the man holding the little girl and the woman holding the little boy. As soon as they see the sextuplets, the woman’s face lights up and she races over toward them. “Oh, my God, I was hoping you guys hadn’t left yet! That manager… what kind of person treats other people like that??”

Ichimatsu stiffens up a little, shifting his eyes down. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“For what? That was him being a horrible person, not you.” She shifts her child around for a moment to fish in her pocket, and Ichimatsu notices that the little boy seems to be avoiding eye contact the same way he knows he does. When the woman looks back up, her smile softens. “I don’t mean to pry, hon, but… are you, you know… autistic?”

Ichimatsu lets out a quiet hum and nods. “Yeah. I think that’s why I’m not…”

“Super expressive?” She returns the nod, gently bouncing her child. “This little one’s autistic too. His face doesn’t get that expressive either, and I know when someone tells him to smile or cry or ‘talk normal’, I get so mad. People shouldn’t treat each other like that. There’s no reason to just not be nice.”

Her other hand reaches out to him, pressing several bills into his palm. “Here, you deserve a little something extra after having to put up with that crap. I know it doesn’t make it okay, but… I hope the rest of your night gets better.” Her smile turns brighter as she looks toward everyone else. “And hey, if nothing else, there are a bunch of people who wanna stand up for you. Looks like you’ve got some pretty great brothers.”

Ichimatsu glances from the money toward his brothers, then back to the woman. For once, he manages a small smile of gratitude; it’s not big, but it’s noticeable, and the fact that it’s there means he didn’t have to force it. It’s real. “… Uh. Yeah. Thank you. I… hope you guys have a good night, too.”

A moment later, the young family has disappeared, presumably heading home to let their son decompress from the overstimulation. It was… nice of them to stop and say anything at all.

Everyone is silent for a moment, then Osomatsu grins as he ruffles Ichimatsu’s hair. “Alright! Drinks are on Ichimacchan! Let’s go get some beers, then we’ll find better jobs tomorrow!”

The group seems in agreement, so off they go down the street toward the nearest bar. Although Takeda-san’s words and treatment are probably going to stay with Ichimatsu for a while yet, he can shove them away with the memory of how fiercely his family defended him.

… I do have some pretty great brothers, don’t I?

[themadmadammorrissey]

Writing Spurt #?

“Good to finally meet you, Mr. Black,” the blonde droid man said, smiling widely.

“It’s Captain,” Sevon snapped, tightening his arm around my waist.

“Oh, sorry, sir. I must have forgotten. I assumed she,” the man gestured to me. “-was the captain. You know, because of the hat.”

“Ah, well.” Sevon took the Captain’s hat back and put it on. “This is my partner, Regulus Solomon.”

“Nice to meet you, miss.” The man shook my hand. “I’m the new Doctor on board. Arthur Hubbard”

I shifted uncomfortably.

“Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough. Regulus is a man.”

The droid doctor’s eyes widened. “Oh my, I’m terribly sorry. I just assumed…” he trailed off.

“Never assume, always ask. I thought you would have known better,” Sevon said in a scathing tone.

“Oh, er.”

I rubbed Sevon’s back for a second and he relaxed slightly. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just been a long day. Would you like to join us for some drinks?” Sevon smiled, though I could tell it was quite fake. 

“Of course, how could I refuse.”

Sevon led us to the Starship’s bar where the robot bartender served a few human women.

“Good evening, George. We’ll have-” Sevon looked at me and I nodded. “Two glasses of white wine.”

“Evenin’, Captain. The private table again tonight?”

Sevon smirked knowingly, placing a hand on my ass. “Not tonight. Well, take the round table in the middle.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now then,” Sevon turned to Arthur Hubbard. “Shall we?”

“Indeed.”

We made our way to the round table in the middle of the floor.

“I hope this isn’t rude, but I’ve noticed Regulus doesn't speak,” Dr. Hubbard said.

Sevon smiled affectionately at me, the first real smile all day.  He looked at me and I nodded.“He’s selectively mute.”

“Oh, of course. I assumed he was autistic or something.”

“He is.” Sevon said flatly.

I zoned out for a while, sipping my wine and thinking about tomorrow. Sevon had promised to take me somewhere special. 

“He does look quite young. Is he legal?”

Sevon squeezed my hand. “Are you suggesting that I’m dating a minor?”

“Good heavens no, it just kind of slipped out.”

I massaged Sevon’s shoulder for a second, relaxing him.

“He’s twenty, for a matter of fact.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Hmm?” 

“You.”

I nodded. “Mmhmm.” 

He stroked my cheek, then caught himself and pulled away.

“Well, I’d better be getting to bed.” Dr. Hubbard declared, standing up. “Good night, Captain. Good night, Mr. Solomon.”

I nodded towards him, smiling shyly.

“I’d better get you to bed, Reg.”

I yawned, leaning against him.

“Oh, babe, you can’t go to sleep here.” He scooped me up and carried me to the Captain’s quarters of the Starship Artemis. He laid me down on the bed, crawling in next to me.

“I love you,” I murmured, cuddling into his chest.

“I love you too, Reggie. My little prince.” He kissed my nose, holding me close. 

[fungusry]

MAFIA of MONSTERS?? Tell me more 👀 👀 👀

OHOHOHO YOU JUST OPENED A CAN OF WORMS, BUDDY!

I’m going to put this under a read-more because I’ve got a lot to rattle off!

The Monster Mafia is exactly that: a group of monsters that engage in organized crime! They operate in New Haven, a heavily magically-influenced city that's home to a whole plethora of magical creatures dubbed “Monsters”.

Marx Spinnerrett, who l just answered an ask about, is our lovable protagonist, a country boy with a heart of gold that was accidentally hired by said mafia. The story (which I desperately need to write) follows his misadventures as he comes to term with his new lifestyle.

He’s also technically immortal, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

I have at least 16 other members designed!

Anna Bychkov-Devereux is a bull-like Monster that was born in Russia. She immigrated to New Haven when she was only a teenager and ended up becoming a pit fighter (which is how she lost her right eye). Joined the Monster Mafia not too long after! She’s a professional boxer now and is married to Sophia Bychkov-Devereux :)

Sophia Bychkov-Devereux is a squid-like Monster that was born in France. She immigrated to New Haven after graduating from college and pursued a profession in law, where she was adopted into the Monster Mafia as a master of finances. She’s married to Anna and is actually her accountant!

Jin Vertebræ is the bartender/owner of the Black Rose, a bar where the Monster Mafia base their operations! No one actually knows much about their background, but some people have spread the rumor that they used to be human, but became a Monster after living in New Haven for too long. Nobody asks, though. Last person that did ended up on the bar’s menu.

Holly Hammerhands is an autistic Monster and talented surgeon! She was recruited by the Monster Mafia sometime in her twenties for her skills and has been an indispensable member ever since. She’s blind and senses the world around her my clacking and grinding her teeth, as well as making different clicking/squeaking noises. Also kicks ass at darts.

Sinclair Hammerhands is Holly’s adopted Monster daughter, who was left on her doorstep as a baby! She isn’t necessarily a member of the Monster Mafia, but happily claims she will be one day. Holly does not like this claim. She’s a big fan of picking locks and getting into places where she shouldn’t be.

George and Lenny Slithera are a pair of conjoined, snake-like Monsters often referred to by the rest of the Monster Mafia as “Snake-Eyes”! They bicker constantly and are pretty unreliable as a result. Pretty good at playing Poker and Craps, but that’s probably because they work ok tandem cheat.

Tobias Thunderhorn is a beetle-like Monster that works with his parents as a butcher. He’s a sweet guy, really, and would actually rather be a baker! Never really tells anybody that, though, since they’d just poke fun at the guy.

Charlie Caine is a worm-like Monster that functions as the Monster Mafia’s primary loanshark! Most of the time she works at a local strip joint as a standup comedian. Her sense of humor is absolutely atrocious and consists mostly of dark/immoral jokes. She’s essentially what happens when you season a tapeworm.

Mortimer Sporestool is a fungus-like Monster that owns a casino! He used to sell used cars and scam people out of their money when he was younger. Smells like cigar smoke and always keeps cards hidden in his sleeves. Do not take bets from this man.

Travis Valentino is a burlesque dancer! He acts as an informant for the Monster Mafia, in a way, since he tends to... get around. Ever since Marx moved to New Haven he’s been all over him, but it’s all been a harmless little game, really. Mostly.

Willow Waxing is a Monster made out of wax that works for New Haven City Hall as a receptionist! She’s smarter than she lets on to be and is incredibly ruthless in the workforce. Snacks on candles like they’re Hershey’s Kisses.

Greta Folter is a goat-like Monster that films “home movies” as a source of income, and by “home movies” I mean snuff films, which is why she’s a part of the Monster Mafia to begin with. Certified MILF hunter. Likes a woman who can kick her ass.

“Tío” Tony Umbraluto is actually the big bad bastard in charge of the Monster Mafia! He’s a slime Monster, with all of that goop kinda wrapped up in a dark, congealed skin. Was groomed into assuming the mantle as a child by his parents and filled that role well. He’s incredibly charming and compassionate in the public eye, since he works in City Hall as the mayor’s aide, but is ruthless and cutthroat behind the scenes. Unsure of whether or not to murder Marx and bury his remains under a construction site.

Thomas Umbraluto is Tony’s twin brother and Marx’s love interest! He works at a joint called the “Sanguine Café” as the vocalist of a jazz band. Defected from his parent’s demands to join the Monster Mafia when he was of age; led to a horrible split between him and the rest of his family. He can’t stand being around Tony anymore, five minutes in a room together and they’ll start throwing hands.

Ennard Blackthorne Copperfield Mirrormask is a marionette-like Monster that owns his own magic shop, called “Ennard’s Enchantments”! He’s more of an affiliate of the Monster Mafia, supplying illegal magical items and things like that. Most of the time, he’s either experimenting with black magic or ripping holes in the fabric of reality. It’s fine.

Borris Crowfoot, last but not least, is a bird-like Monster and the chief of the New Haven Police Department! He’s a dirty cop and often risks his career to aid the Monster Mafia (probably forced into joining the family against his will when he was younger). Has two little girls and is recently divorced since his wife discovered she was a lesbian and it’s funnier than her being dead.

[dyke-remy]

Live And Let Die, part 3

Part 1   part 2   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6

Description: Agent 008 and Agent 009, professional spies for the MI6 with liscense to kill. Partners in both work and love. After an agent goes missing the partners have to once more go out into the field. (It’s a James Bond AU)

You don’t need to know anything about James Bond to be able to read this fic, trust me

Cw: Described assasination

Words: 3832

The sun had just about risen when the agents woke up. It was the morning after the mission and they were laying cuddled up in the hotel bed. Remus had plopped himself on top of Remy and wrapped his arms around them like usual. He said it was to snuggle while they slept but it was really so that he could act as a human shield for them even in sleep.

"g'mornin my dear dead heart of min-" Remus began to mumble out but Remy placed a finger over his mouth to shut him up.

He laid still and listened. The sound of someone opening the door to the hotel room could be heard followed by quiet steps. The agents glanced at each other. From the angle Remy was laying at they couldn't see much except for the ceiling and their husband's face. Remus slowly moved his hand under the pillow and grabbed the knife he'd hidden under it just in case.

The footsteps continued until they stopped by the side of the bed. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw the person move making his instincts go off. In one swift motion he'd turned around to press the knife against the enemy's neck.

"What a charming greeting 008" Q also known as Logan muttered out. He eyed the knife held against his neck with an unimpressed look on his face. He had a black briefcase with him.

"Q!!!" Both of the Rems let out a happy exclaim.

"You should have said you were coming!" Remy said while sitting up in the bed.

"That's what she said" Remus added.

"I wasn't going to but then I figured it would be for the best if this mission got another step"

Remus moved the blanket aside and patted the spot between the two Rems "Cuddle up motherfucker!"

"008 please put some pants on. I've seen That thing enough for a lifetime" Q stated before sitting down in the middle.

The Rems promptly latched onto him. Hugging him. Remy ran their hand through his pressed down curly hair. Remus nibbled kisses by the start of his neck.

"So 008, you said in your report from yesterday that the man who held the real copy of the keys to Picani's room was named Ron Stewart correct?"

"Yeah"

"Well I discovered that he is on a train today towards Lithuania along with cargo for his company. His company is stated as an electricity manufacturer but it didnt take a lot of research to find he also has ties to something else. I am not sure of what yet but it is earning him a lot of income. For your information Picani's mission before he was killed was to find solid evidence of what this side business was"

Remy held back a wince at the mention of Picani "Aight easy. We get on the train. I Kill him. We figure out like what the fuck he's up to and like revenge Emile. Piece of cake" Remus nodded along.

"Yes well" Q opened the briefcase "In other news I took a few gadgets with me to aid you" He took out a pair of black high heels and handed them to Remy "Same function as always. Black like you requested"

"It's 'cause black tots goes with like anything"

A small box, not bigger than a thumb, was up next. Q opened it slightly to show white pills inside before giving it to Remy "I've tried to make it so the taste of poison is even less subtle"

The enby got a sinister smile on their face "They won't know what hit them!"

Remus dragged in Logan's sleeve "Me time!! I want gadgets too!!!"

Q nodded before taking out a long thin black straw and gave it to the duke "Be careful. Please! This is your 7th laser so don't break it. It's not a knife. It's not a stick. It's a laser. It heats things up. It doesn't cut through things. It heats them up. Please I don't want to have to make another one"

The duke looked at it with a giddy smile before looking up. A few moments of silence went by before his smile disappeared "That's all? I only get 1 gadget???? Rem got 2! You're playing favorites just 'cause you fuck them!"

"No. I am playing favorites because they don't break their gadgets!........But I do actually have another gadget for the both of you"

Q took out 2 pens and several coins. He sat the coin as far away on the blanket as he could. He pressed down on a specfic point on it before leaning back and pressing the pen up and down 5 times. The coin exploded leaving a hole in the blanket. The Rems let out oooohs and ahhhhs in response.

"Explosives. Each coin causes 1 explosion. Right now I'll give you 20 to use but you can always request more. Oh and 008" He took out 2 packages of pills "You forgot you stimulants" It was to help him focus better, his lil autistic rat brain wasn't good at that "And antidepressants at the base again so I thought I'd bring them to you"

"Aww thanks Q. How caring!"

"No problem. As your quartermaster I must care for you after all. INcluding caring for your mental health. Well I wish you good luck on your mission"

The Rems glanced at each other before sending Q puppy eyes. "You can wish us good luck better than that can't you?"

Logan let out an amused sigh and rolled his eyes before nodding. He gave Remus a kiss on the lips before doing the same to Remy. He was aro and didn't see kissing as a serious thing, neither did the Rems. The kissing before missions was just a nice tradition.

Remy traced their finger over their lips "I already have a feeling this mission will go splendid"

--

3 hours later Remy was sitting by a luxurious vanity in front of a mirror. They were meticulously filling in their lips with cheery red lipstick. Remus came up from behind and put his hands on their shoulders before leaning down to press a kiss to their cheek.

The enby took the blade laying on the vanity and held it up to his face "Dear if you kiss me now you'll ruin my make up and I will have to kill you for that"

"Sounds like a sweet death" He teased in return.

"If I wanted to make it a sweet one I would"

Remus glanced around at the make up products while putting on an overly extra pout "Why can't I ever get to be the lady???"

"Hun you have a giant caterpillar on your upper lip and it is the bane of my existance. If you could just let me shave it off-"

The duke gasped and covered his precious mustache with his hands "NEVER!!!"

" Well it would make disguising you much easier. If some baddie sees you once they're gonna remember that nasty ass muschie for like months! And secondly you don't really have like the right bone structure. Like girl you would look like the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen but you wouldn't look like the kind of gal these dirtbags want y'know?"

"I know"

Remy leaned their head against his chest and smiled up at him. "When we get home I can make you look nice and pretty kay? I'll evem lend you my fav mini skirts...As long as your dumptruck ass doesn't destroy them"

Remus grinned and let out a giddy laugh "OHOHOHOH let's get these bitches killed so we can get home PLEase!!"

After another half hour Remy was ready to go. They'd hidden a blade on their left thigh and stuck the box of pills on the side of their underwear. Remus took them by the arm and they walked out into the hallway of the train. They looked around various mini suites before coming out into a bigger cart. The bar.

Blue satin sheets framed the windows. Sunlight strimmed in onto dark wooden tables with comfortable seats surrounding them. The bar was ornate and it's menu was filled with expensive cocktails.

The enby bumped their elbow into their husband's ribs before pointing over to a booth in the corner. There Ron Stewart sat alone with a bowl of olives and a beer.

Remus mumbled a quiet 'you got this' before letting go off their arm. He sat down by the bar at such an angle so he could watch Stewart without it being noticeable. He ordered a glass of water and began to sprinkle copious amount of salt and pepper into it as he watched Remy go up to Stewart. Their body language was completely different. He overheard something about coincidences and seeing him at the casino. It didn't take long until Stewart had moved so Remy could sit down next to him.

The duke let out a content sigh and looked out the window. It was in quiet moments like these, while waiting for his spouse to do what they did best, that he admired them more than ever. All he could do was sit and think about how much he loved them. How he loved Every part of them. Thinking and thinking until it felt like his heart would burst.

It wasn't until someone bumped into him he got out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Remy leaning on the bar.

"Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred please" Remy ordered.

Remus poked his elbow into their ribs plafully "Dork. Using my dad's catchphrase like that" He teased with a smirk.

They rolled their eyes at him before adding "And you can place a bottle of champange in suite 17!"

While the bartender worked on it the enby sat down next to Remus. They looked in the other direction while speaking so Stewart wouldn't notice.

"He's involved in human trafficking. That's where his like money comes from. Was supa easy to get it out of him. Dirty bastard. Didn't get what is in the cargo but he joked that it wasn't human at least"

"Okay good!" Remus exclaimed "So we go to the cargo see whats up. And then when we're done we can go back and arrest Stewart when we're done. Easy peasy pumpkin pie motherfucker"

Remy dug their nails down into the table so hard it left marks "Nah I'm murdering him now"

Remus opened his mouth before closing it again and thinking. He decided the wise and only choice was to support his spouse in their killing ways "Okay yeah sure. Have fun. If you're not back in 15 minutes I'll assume something has gone wrong and will come help"

They sent him a small smile "Thanks babe"

They downed the martini in one sweep and took a deep breathe before putting on their fake smile again. They went back to Stewart. All it took was a few flirty comments while leaning close to him to get him to walk with them to his room. Like a lamb blissfully going to the slaughter.

The champagne had been set on the bedside table in a bucket of ice like they'd requested. Stewart sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the place next to him. Remy obediently sat down. A taste of nausea filled their mouth when he placed his hand on their inner thigh. But they kept their facade of liking it up. Kept it up even as he whispered what he wanted to do with them into their ear and pressed kisses to their neck.

Remy leaned away when he tried to go for a kiss on the mouth "Shall I get the champange Dear?"

He eagerly nodded in return. They got up and made sure to move slow. They cast a look back at him while moving their dress up up to their right hip, just enough so a bit of their underwear showed. They ran their hand under their underwear line feeling where the small box they'd hidden laid. The box with poisonous pills in it.

They kept their expression the same as they caught hold of the box and in one smooth motion hid it under their bracelet. They kept their dress up as they poured up the champange. Out of the corner of their eye they could see Stewart only looking at their thighs so they took the opppurtunity to let a single white pill go down into one of the drinks.

It dispersed in the drink in under a second. They made a mental note to give Q an extra kiss for his excellent job the next time they saw him. They gave the glass to him before sitting down to straddle his lap.

"Cheers" Remy said.

"Cheers baby"

Their smile widened as they watched him drink. They waited until he'd emptied the glass before smashing their own glass against his skull. Stewart barely had time to let out a yell before they'd pushed him down with his back against the bed. They laid their weight on hips to keep him down while forcing his arms over his head.

"What are you-" Stewart didn't finish his sentence. He let out a strange sound as his face began to turn red. The poison was setting in.

Remy took the blade from their thigh and held it up to his neck. Close enough to let out droplets of blood but not close enough to cut him open.

"When I got home after staying out all night for the first time my moms cried of relief because they were sure I'd been taken by human traffickers working for the likes of you. I've had friends go missing just 'cause people like you think no one will notice if a homeless person disappears" They growled out.

"I will-" He forced out.

"Honey you won't do shit" Remy interrupted. They let out a cold chuckle "You'll lay there and wait to see if the poison or-" They cut the knife into his neck with such precision it hit the veins just enough to open them, like they'd done a hundred times before "the blood loss kills you first"

Stewart couldn't say anything more. He was choking on air and blood at the same time. The white satin sheets turned red as Remy sat still and watched every slight change in his expression. It went from anger to a pained one to complete fear of death.

His legs kicked to instinctively try and get Remy off and his hands flailed around his neck to try and stop the bleeding but it was to no avail. Soon his limbs stopped moving and the desperate sounds he'd been letting out quieted. Before finally his eyes became glossy and he stopped blinking. The blood had stopped dripping out.

"Blood loss huh" Remy said to of course no answer.

They stood up and hid the blade under their dress again. They let out an annoyed groan when they noticed blood stains on the dress. They'd liked this one! They searched around the room for anything useful.

In the drawer of the nightstand they found a key card to the cargo section of the train. They gave themself a pat on the back and was about to leave when they saw a document that had laid next to the key. They stuffed it down their top to keep it for later. Q was usually the one who told them if a document was important or not.

Remus shone up into a big goofy grin when he saw his spouse return. He held himself back from giving them a big long kiss. They took his hand, intertwined their fingers, and pulled him along to the small passage leading up to the cargo parts of the train.

There was a thick metal door stopping them from entering the cargo part. With a triumphant smirk Remy pulled out the key card and unlocked out while Remus gave them a small round of applause.

008 kept his gun ready in his hand as he entered the first cargo train with 009 right behind him. There were 2 guards who both immediately reached for their guns. Remus shot one of them at the same time Remy threw their blade into the neck of the other.

The couple high fived. Remy was using the new gadget high heels Q had given them. They took the heels off so the high heel turned into a normal shoe, it somewhat looked like a ballet shoe. Inside the heels 2 more blades were hidden.

The train was empty aside from a few meaningless boxes but there were one more cargo cart to look through. "How about I stay here and make sure no like bitches come at you from this side and you continue to the rest of the like cargo?" Remy suggested.

"Sounds like a plan!"

Remus pressed a kiss to the top of their forehead before quickly continuing on to the small outside part connecting the two carts. Remy closed the door behind him.

He pressed his ear against the door to the next cart. There were footsteps coming from the other side. He rolled up his sleeves before jumping up and just about grabbing on to the edge of the cart's roof. With a strained groan he heaved himself up. The wind nearly knocked him over as soon as he stood up. It was the last cart so whatever was important in the cargo section had to be in there.

The roof was made out of metal. Remus took out the black laser. He was careful to not point it at himself as he moved it against the roof. When he turned it a spark went off before it's cold blue almost fire looking laser burried down into the roof.

Slowly the metal began to melt. He moved it just as slowly around in a square motion. Until it had melted enough that he was able to move it. He made sure the laser created a small hole, just about to press a few fingers in, before turning it off. He covered his hands in the fabric of his shirt and let out a grunt as he grabbed onto the hole in the metal and moved it until a small opening down into the carriage had been made.

He peered down and like he'd suspected there were at least 10 guards inside. All of them were heavily armed. There was no way Remus would be able to take them all.

Luckily he didn't have to. He took one of the explosive coins and clicked on it before dropping it down into the carriage. He didn't even give the guards a chance to react before detonating it.

No more sounds came from inside the carraige. Remus dropped down from the roof and opened the door. The guards laid still on the ground. He checked their pulses. It was going slow and unsteady so they wouldn't be waking up soon (aka in several days probably).

There wasn't much in the carriage. A few box filled with guns and ammunition littered the wooden floor but aside from that all there was was a metal box in the corner. It was big enough to fit a human if they hunched down. It was thick enough that he doubted even one of the explosives would get it open. He tried the key to open it but it didn't work.

"What the fuck" He mumbled to himself.

On the sides and top of the box things were engraved. He was unsure if it'd been engraved a knife or...teeth.....somehow. The same sentences were written over and over.

Remus tried to read it but all the words swirled around and changed places. He hit his hands against his head and tried to concentrate. Usually Remy read things for him when on missions (and when home too honestly), and before he had them he had.....He had.....

He despised his dyslexia so much. Sensory overload could be avoided by Q ordering clothes with the exact textures he could handle and making him earpieces that filtered out just enough sound so he wouldn't panic. People didn't notice his lack of eye contact and fumbling with social cues and voice tones as long as he was looked normal. But there was no way to get around his dyslexia.

It took (in his opinion) an embarrassing amount of time before he was able to piece the words together. But when he finally did his body went cold.

Targets: 0̶0̶5̶ 0̶0̶1̶2̶ 009 008 - Remus Smythe

They knew his name. They knew his name.

Remus felt nauseous. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. How the fuck did they even know that. What more did they know?? He was used to people knowing his name as Remus Smythe the son of Octavia Smythe. But not as Remus smythe the 008 agent.

He knew his mom could defend herself. All of the women, his caregivers, on the floating palace could. but still. At least they didn't know Remy's name. At least- At least- They were after them though! They specifically wanted to murder the love of his life.

Sure people had been trying to kill them before. Many a times. But he and Remy had known the two of them were strong enough to proctect themself. But....but....these people had killed Picani. Emile Picani! They could- they would-

He took a step back. Logically he should figure out a way to open the box. That was why he has here wasn't it? But he had to make sure Remy was okay. Had to-

He turned around and quickly went towards the door. He stopped midstep as he heard something metal-like crash under his foot. He looked down and realized he'd stepped on a dogtag one of the guards had been holding.

The metal plate was cold in Remus' hand as he tried to read it. His eyes widened. He didn't have to struggle to make the words out. He would always be able to recognize that name in an instant.

His hand shook as he forced the dogtag down into his pocket. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

He stumbled out from the carriage before throwing the door open to the next one. He was hyperventilating as he collapsed onto his knees. He looked up through tears at the blurry sight of Remy.

They'd been sitting on a box cleaning one of their blades while using the bodies of the guards they'd killed as a footstool. When they saw their husband they quickly went over and sat down in front of him. They moved their arms around his shoulders while checking for injuries.

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

"R-remy" He cried out. He hugged them as tight as he could and slumped his head against their chest. Uneven sobs racked his body.

"It's okay. It's okay babe. Shhh. Breathe for me" They moved their hand through his hair to soothe him "Just follow my breathing"

"You c-can't be hu-hurt"

"I'm not. I promise. You always take my injuries for me like an idiot. I'm 100% okay"

"It's- They- He-"

With a shaky hand he took out the dogtag from his pocket. It felt like the name engraved on it burned into his skin. Remy held onto his hand.

"What- who's tag is that?"

Remus glanced up at them with tear filled eyes "The f-former 009. Roman"

[softsweetsuffering]

OC LIST (New)

Trey:

Has an ability to mimic or amplify abilities/powers of others, as well as telekinesis

Was previously part of a group of people who also had abilities, however after mistreatment and other issues within the group, he left.

He's got a good wealth behind him.

Extremely gentle

Handsome ;)

Loves photography

Has lavender hair

Respects all

'Secretly' Plays violin

Lowkey a sugardaddy

Hamrish Benat:

Has four eyes!

Pink and blonde hair

He loves parkour (as in climbing buildings and leaping around in gyms)

Has PTSD (There are two AUS of which I default as to how he obtained it)

Ready to deck a bitch

Trained nurse

Loves teddy bears and fuzzy pink socks.

Also goes by Hami/Hayden

Andy peters:

Strong, kind.

The quiet Big Type, doesn't always talk, but his heart is in good places.

Wishes he could do more

Buff + Tall

Wears a pair of dogtags.

Has red streaks in his hair for the fun of it

Is extremely brotherly to Adrian

is friends with Hami

Adrian Géarán:

Nervous Malnutritioned anxiety filled tired mess

Has emotionally linked fire abilities (does not like having them)

likes to make little robots!

Easily bullied

Missing an arm

Struggles with normal life

Blames himself for Andys death

Looks unintentionally vaguely like Fry from Futurama

Chris:

Leader of a summer camp for kiddos

Huge fan of the outdoors

Loves to garden

Red head with freckles

Healthy!

Good build, a little on the below-average male height

Likes to hike

Loves kids

Strong but pacifistic

Great smile

Surprisingly a little shy around other adults

Bisexual

Himbo energy

Douglas Connelly:

Just a regular chubby guy

His chub is only important because this man gives some of the best hugs, he's like a marshmallow

He is outwardly confident about his size, even if it sometimes worries him internally

He loves music, loves to groove in the kitchen while making snacks

Always open for roommates and new friends (one of his roommates is a hot bartender called Donovan)

A bit awkward but he tries his best.

Tucker:

Badass

Bunny hybrid (ears :3)

White hair

Likes to wear denim jackets

Fast runner

Has had experience working in the force

Izekiel Iris:

Bruised and abused in a facility

Was turned from human into A being of made of Paint (Useful? no. Fun? yes. Rainbow blood anyone?)

Loves painting

Wallflower

Easily anxious

Loves to draw on his own arms

Matthew Libelle:

Aka Matty Very delayed development wise as well as Autistic

Very much a texture lad, soft blankets are his thing.

Doesn't like loud sounds ( who does honestly).

Tries his hardest to function normally but it's hard.

Watermelon colours are his fav. Green hoodie is his fav.

Has watermelon pink hair.

Gale:

Eldritch bab

Was cursed by a group of guys who were messing with magics they didn't understand

Did in fact murder said group of guys and is traumatised by the idea he has become a monster

hears voices

Has Tendrils that have burst out of his back

Has the ability to move from this realm to the Eldritch planes and back. (is terrified of said planes)

Doesn't have a home

Black curly hair- frizzy- shimmers like Slick oil

Shy type kinda, tall Pale. cold.

Kinda wishes he could just go back to normal.

Would really like to eat some fresh warm bread.

Rowan maverick

Was abandoned as a teen

Also known as Rogue/Red.

Lost some of their tongues making them mute

Trained Assassin.

Previously part of a cult

Addict to painkillers (Caused by the mental issues from the cult and the loss of tongue.)

Bad with Physical affection

Could use a friend

Jace

Cop/Ex Cop.

Laid off after an incident

Has a pubby called Otis

Likes the occasional beer

Dad energy

Issac Merewen

Was previously a Teacher - grade 11/12s

Kidnapped and kept Drugged the hell up.

Was given the new name: Jess/Jack. AKA The Jester

Now has Amnesia problems .(Anomic aphasia)

Was stored Cramped in box.

Needs glasses. (Long sighted. Cant see Infront of him for shit without glasses. He specifically likes round ones :3)

Natrually Blonde

He was very inspired by the Chitty Chitty bang bang scene, “Doll on a music box”.

- He naturally has two different coloured eyes :D

-He likes podcast n occasionally audiobooks. Its good for learning/remembering words, and way easier than straining his eyes. Although it is upsetting occasionally when he can remember more of a book/podcast he’s into more than real words or real-life things.

Tyrone Li

Incubus.

Wise, Patient, caring.

Brown tattoos wind up his hips and torso, curling around his chest around his heart, and around his back, flaring at his neck.

Glasses.

Loves plants and flora

Sex lost meaning when he was younger. He wants true intimacy again but he wants to find the right person..

Glamors hide the following features:

Tail, brown that gradients into Green, Leaf like tip.

Horns, curled. (green tipped :0)

Glamors break usually after a certain period of time regardless of feeding, however, during bad situations/fight the body may unglamour to reserve the last of its energy.

Caspian:

Basically immortal but can die (Reincarnations)

Not a pacifist, but not instantly into violence

He was blessed by the Heart of the Ocean (Shes wonderful <3)

Can control water, can do minor healing with water

Can make water bubble/ boil when angry

Glowy veins when powers are active

He has had many many lives

Soft..caring..Doesnt remember alot of his past..

Doesn't know how many times hes died

Doesn't have alot of family or friends

Goes on many adventures

Elio Solren.

Nickname: Sunshine

Good lad.

Is a shapeshifter Dealt with being told he was happy and always upbeat. People leaving or ignoring him whenever he wasn't started building this sense of need to be happy all the time for others.

Lots of struggles with self image. Being perfect. Appeasing everyone. Poor self body love/self body image.

Is scared about The hate from humans about shifters. The jealousy and fear about them being able to hide behind other faces.

Smiles to hide the pain

Punk/hipster vibes

Intricate golden tattoos

Doesn't open up easily

Doesn't like to admit to being in pain

Kotori

AKA Corey

Owl lad!

Bright yellow piercing eyes. But is totally blind. (Face scars)

Loves music.

Plays the uke.. hums..sings sometimes.

Big wings- like barn owl.

Likes to perch in trees

Jeremey Caulfield

Winter baby

Was left bleeding in the snow at some point

Father Lovely old man (John)

Mother died (Ellie)

Birthday December 23h

Blue eyes

Black hair

Russel

Box boy

Glasses

Red hair

Real sweetheart

Really needs more dev ; ;

Jules

Loves tofu n chicken

Touchstarved

Stubborn af

Kicks ass!

Has Sass

Wears binders/sports bras for Lotsa running n such

Black hair big messy pigtails

Dark brown eyes.

Has a navy bear sleeps with it ‘doesn't care’ about it but does

Gymnast/kickboxing. Bandages around hands

Loved swinging bars since being a kiddo

Trampolines!!

Participates in Underground fight ring to make easy money

Sleeps on just a mattress

Has a laptop for study work but she's slowly giving up on bothering.

(She's not one originally but Werewolf Jules is one of my fav things)

Miles

Part mole, part orphan

Lives underground

Very light-sensitive

Is colourblind

Absolute nerd

loves tinkering with things

is scared of humans

very foggy memories of his parents.

Leilah/ Lei

Can make/control shadows.

Owns a Magic skull(Speaks to it)

Lives in the woods

Wears a skull to spook off people from her woods

Has Tattoos that are shadow/absorb shadows

Kinda bad at maintaining friendships

Emotionally Distant

Wears a cloak.

Bao Ketsuyki

Blood magic bab

Short

East Asian.

Pink/red medium length hair

Big pretty red flower scar from blood magic use on her shoulder/ back.

Little bit foolish, little bit reckless.

Has almost died a few times from her magic use.

Oran Audun

Pale

Punk

Irish

Plays Guitar

Writes in journal, occasionally song lyrics, occasionally little messy ink drawings.

Easy to aggravate (On edge) however is trying to learn how to meditate and be calmer

Covered head to toe in scars but still tries to find confidence in himself. He doesn't find it unattractive, but he feels like others have no need to witness his scars.

loves wearing leather/fabric wrist bracelets

Unwelcome hands have used his body as a research object

Very very against physical contact, needs to break into it.

Ray

Social worker works mainly with kids.

Has a Shy guy tattoo.

His family consists of a Good ma, younger sister, and super baby brother

Dad died but dad was good.

Dirty blonde hair, kinda messy

Short, 5’

Socks the pupper is his helpful lil buddy (hes so round and white and fluffy)

Super dad vibes.

Owen

a hockey player n gymnast.

His mother died when he was about 9.

has an older brother who is a bit of a big jock type

quite protective and caring of his two much younger siblings.

ended up in a nasty scuffle though at some point during his more competitive years in Hockey

This leads to following his passion for Gym

Pole vault, the rings, trampoline.

Still plays hockey among mates or strangers on the weekends in the cold months tho

Ends up taking a position as a gym teacher for kids after taking a childhood course since he was so good at it.

actually a really sweet guy

Soft but likes his sport and jokes.

He can hold his own somewhat more than he appears.

has blue tips/stripes in his blonde hair.

He often wears varsity jackets or baseball tees. As well as a couple other sport wear shirts. (A. Good few are from his bro ofc. Free merch)

He's short but he's got a fairly decent build on him.

He's got a surprisingly good tackle if you aren't careful. And a good grip strength.

Nohea

but everyone calls him Noah.

Works at a Boba tea cafe..

likes to surf.

has an Epic board.

Back and shoulders all littered with lines and tic tac toe-like scars.

he's the type to brush off any questions and change topic while smiling. But not super bubbly. Just. Go lucky.

has a few friends who like to hang out at the cafe

Was in a surfing accident that involved a lot of rocks.

Ila

4’8 Soft. Short.

Ready to protect.

Loves to bake!!!

Smells like a vanilla cupcake most of the time

Isn't afraid to fight although isn't trained

likes Yoga ( and yoga pants)

Needs glasses but doesn't wear them (tsk tsk, unless tryign to read recipes)

Dyes hair silver/white

Jake

Homeless

Snake hybrid can transform his lower half from human legs to tail

Also has fangs, and therefore venom

He's got a lot of sass

Can be a bit of an asshole but soft around the right people

Isn't used to kindness

doesn't cry easily

Steals food

Mac Hiato

Also known as Caf

5’6

Very Grumpy.

Very often has bags under his eyes.

Hoodie is life

Insomnia has serious trouble sleeping.

Has nightmares of strangulation

Occasionally sufferers sleep paralysis

Scared of dark- night lights

Owns a mouse called Bean

Does freelancing webdesgisn/coding as job.

Sits like a gay.

Lives on coffee

Minorly Lactose intolerant

Has One bad eye

Neema

Egyptian

Mechanic

Her dad's a mechanic and used to bring her to work all the time

dead mum: which affected her ability to emote.

Works part time at the garage

Dad likes to bring gifts on their small catch-ups that happen every once in a while.

Sheeee. Suffers a bit of resting bitch face.

she's kinda stunted emotionally because she was raised by her dad, who, isn't great with emotions himself being a man's man and all.

She's very much a tomboy gal. Doesn't exactly get dressed up. because she finds it tiresome and not "her".

Also if she did/does have friends the nickname Nemo 100% crops up because it's sadly alll too fitting but also kinda sweet.

She's actually really into cars and mechanics. Which is one of the few good reasons her dad and her are close.

She's hard to get to know, very quiet. And if you're someone who dominates the conversation she won't speak up much, but you'll be surprised to how much she's listened.

Just because she looks tired and done doesn't actually mean she feels that way.

Samson (Lemonade boi)

His name is Samson, but he prefers Sun/Sunny. (Other more affectionate nicknames include Lemondrop and Sunflower.)

He really likes going out to markets and stuff like that, little stalls or knick knack shops to find the odd kinda items.

He also really likes wandering big forests. (Hes got some o that fae energy) He collects various cool stones/rocks/plants from some of them. He also has some small vials from waterfalls and ponds he’s encountered)

He wants to practice magic to become a witch! He loves the candles and rocks and other cool things that come with the craft. (He inherited things from his father)

He really likes loose fitting shirts too, like flowy things, ones with sleeves that drape past your fingers, or has extra fabric on the bottom that dangle down past hips. (Sometimes they come from the ladies section just because they’re softer and have more variety. Others from op shops and other niche little stores.)

He bought a cologne from a witch that looks cursed but the only curse is that it makes the one who puts it on smell like citrus..so not much of curse. (The bottle looks fuckin neato tho)

He looves fizzy drinks. Doesn’t mind his alcohol either, however it takes a surprising amount to get him on his ass despite looking like a serious lightweight.

He’s pretty average in build, bit of muscle in his arms, some fat on his thighs. Slight pouch of a tum (cause no ones flat and thats unrealistic :<)

He’s about 5′4. So not tall, but not the shortest of the short.

He kinda likes to backpack about. Not staying in places long if they get boring. Which means he is kinda jack of all trades when it comes to work, offering to fix things for pay, lots of casual work doing various things.(One of his favorites was helping a little old lady run a paint shop.)

He occasionally snorts when he laughs and tries not to.

He has his ears pierced, and he has a little yellow gemed stud in his nose.

The ring around his neck he found in the middle of a patch of mushrooms.

He has a couple other tattoos. One of them is of bubbles up his wrist :3 He also has some stars on his ankle, and a sunflower on one of his fingers on his left hand.

He’s not super in to gardening but he does have his lemon tree. He also wants to grow some mandarins

His eyes look silver in a lot of lights, but occasionally there’s some strange hints of yellow, and other times blue.

He has freckles!!!! that look alot like bubbles ;)

He has a twin brother called Fraser.

Scrunches his nose

Hides his laughter behind his hand

[mothgenes]

you don't have to answer if you don't want to but why do you hate hazbin so much? im just kinda trying to understand others point of view and im sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to ignore/delete this if you want.

nah dw about it as long as u dont reply to this or send another one like “oh idk i still love it” i wont get mad it gives me more opportunity to block hell hotel stans 

so there are many reasons here are a few

wlw named v4ggie which is super crass is specifically supposed to be salvadoran and her personality makes her an angry latina stereotype

ch4rlie is a white savior type of figure who wants to save everyone from themselves because she clearly knows better (reinforced by show to be the truth)

The Asexual Character (who i liked when i first saw, u gotta understand) is the BIG SCARY UNUSUAL ONE, who has SCARY powers that a HUMAN SOUL shouldnt have, as if he’s NOT HUMAN SOMEHOW..... scary inhuman and like. freak ass sadistic stalking murdering ace character like ok stop thnx (signed an irritated asexual)

4ngel dust HORRIBLE gay rep. he is The Gay One. his personality is 1) is gay, 2) is prostitute/sex freak who’s predatory and gets physical with uninterested people like the cat bartender man, 3) does drugs. his personality is those things almost exclusively! his design is not one that is respectfully showing a gay character. also: DRAG AND SLUT JOKES. BAD. (signed nby trans guy)

the hell itself thing is like HELLO. THIS IS HELL. IT IS VIOLENCE, BUT ALSO SEX AND DRUGS. PEOPLE IN HELL DO LOTS OF SEX AND DRUGS. SEX AND DRUGS ARE FOR SINNERS IN HELL. demonizes (literally) sex workers and drug addicts/abusers like HARDCORE, which is gross as fuck and overdone

“i dont touch the gays, i have standards.” need i go on? this was said straight without a humorous situation being involved. this was meant to be a JOKE, as if saying these things are FUNNY... gosh i really wish hh didnt touch the gays. i mean shit, WE have standards. (signed, a gay)

a lot of girl characters have x’s over their tits on their shirts and i think thats kinda fuckin gross and lazy

its family guy but edgier with a shitty muddled color palette with no contrast and shows off token representation as excuses for the “no touch gays” and “drag show” jokes n shit as if that makes it OKAY?

it is literally just family guy edgy hell, unfunny garbage sex and violence jokes with sexist and racist and homophobic and transphobic under and overtones throughout.

ALSO V1VZ1EPERSON LIKE. PROMOTED BLACKFACERS AND TERFS KINDA RECENTLY, RELATIVELY SPEAKING? AS LIKE, “CONTROVERSIAL WOMEN” , DRAWING THEM FANART???? CONTROVERSIAL???? U MEAN NASTY????

USED TO STEAL CHARACTER DESIGNS LIKE STRAIGHT UP FROM PEOPLE LIKE THE DIE YOUNG MUSIC VID MAIN CHARACTER

NEVER APOLOGIZED OR PUBLICLY DENOUNCED HER OLD HABIT OF DRAWING CHILDREN FUCKING SNAKES OR HER TEACHER-STUDENT PEDOPHILIA RELATIONSHIP SHE PROMOTED UNTIL LATER RET-CONNING IT INTO BEING NON-UNDERAGE?

MADE THESE CHARACTERS IN THE FIRST PLACE? AND SEEMS TO THINK THAT LIKING TO MAKE TRASHY CHARACTERS AND BEING DONE WITH IT MAKES IT OKAY TO MAKE TRASHY ASS HOMOPHOBIC FREAK SHIT CHARACTERS????? SELF AWARENESS GETS NO BROWNIE POINTS.

she also doesnt label her content as 18+ last i checked. its super easy to mark it as over eighteen or sensitive content, just a little button when uploading, but she doesnt bother. her artstyle attracts younger people, anywhere from like 12 to 15 and others. thats a PROBLEM!

ok i got a little angry and loud because hh is becoming a genuine trigger for me in that it makes me super nauseous and aggressive and anxious for kinda noticeable reasons according to above, (also im autistic and my emotions hit me like a boulder and getting upset or riled up too quickly can make me fuckin black out for a second so its a LOT)

so i’d appreciate not talking abt this more but i might as well answer. its not hard to find posts, some of which i’ve reblogged here, with actual links to sources for all of the vivshit.

anyway thats why i dont like it! preferably no follow up questions but i’ll block any freaks who come out to play

[ifsomeoneasksiwasnothere]

✨Masterlist ✨

Characters I make headcanons of and details about the matchups!

—Normal Headcanons:

Candy Pop (1) (2)

Jason the toymaker

The X (1) (2)

Clockwork

Ben Drowned (1) (2) 

Ticci Toby (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Slenderman

Splendorman

Trenderman

Offenderman (1) (2) (3) (4)

The Puppeteer (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Dr. Smiley (1) (2) (3) (4)

Bloody Painter (1) (2) (3)

KageKao (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Jane Arkensaw

Jane Richardson

Judge Angels

Zachary Gibson (1) (2)

The Roadwalker

Sally Williams (1) (2)

Nina the Killer (1) (2)

Laughing Jack (1) 

Photography

Liu Hodek

—Special Events' Headcanons:

Pride month special!

Valentine's Day special!

Bloody Painter’s Birthday!

Christmas special!

Quarantine kicking everyone’s ass.

—Angst Headcanons:

Emra

Toby finds out that his mother is Slenderman's daughter.

Candy Pop’s relation to his sexuality.

Jason the toymaker relation to his sexuality.

Candy Pop knowing that Jason hates him or finds him annoying.

What does Jason the toymaker or Laughing Jack thinks of Sally since they hate children?

Judge Angels discovering that her father was an Incubus and therefore she’s a cambion (half demon).

Judge Angels meeting her Incubus father.

Ticci Toby’s, Zachary Gibson’s, Jason’s, The rake’s, and Judge Angels’ conflicts when it comes to sex.

Eyeless Jack being able to smell blood and ends up finding out that his beloved is hurt but doesn’t want help.

Toby and Hoodie as dads.

Proxies finding out someone has been stalking/harassing their lover.

Aphasia as one of the symptoms of Slenderman’s sickness and how it affects his proxies.

Laughing Jack mental health and how he deals with loneliness.

Offenderman dealing with someone flirting with him without being under his spell.

Toby reencountering an old friend he had before Slenderman abducted him and finding out they were looking for him since he went missing.

—The ideal person to deal with___:

The X

Jason the toymaker

Candy Pop

The Puppeteer

Clockwork

—Fluff Headcanons:

How would Dr.Smiley react to his lover calling him handsome and that they love him?  

What would Dr. Smiley's reaction to his lover drawing him?

Offenderman with his lover.

(General fluff) Slenderman

Slenderman with an autistic lover.

Slenderman with a partner that likes to play with his tentacles.

Slenderman with an autistic lover.

Offenderman and Laughing Jack with an autistic lover.

Jason the toymaker with his beloved.

Candy Pop with an autistic lover.

Jason the toymaker with an obsessive partner.

Candy Pop with his lover.

Jason the toymaker when he finds someone who also makes toys.

Kagekao teaching Japanese to his partner.

Masky/Tim taking care of his lover with migraines.

Jason the toymaker taking care of his lover with migraines.

The X speaking in Russian to his beloved.

Puppeteer with his partner/Bloody Painter with his partner.

Bloody Painter + Puppeteer + their lover.

What traits does Dr. Smiley look in a partner?

Emra with her lover.

Masky with a partner with Sensory processing disorder.

Hoodie with his lover.

Slender brothers as kids.

Ben drowned with a partner with social anxiety.

(General fluff) Clockwork.

(General fluff) Jane Arkensaw.

Liu Hodek with his lover.

Werewolf Masky with his beloved one.

Jason the toymaker as a (substitute) teacher.

Candy Pop as a teacher.

Jason with a depressed and insecure lover.

Candy Pop’s lover trying to get his mallet.

Judge Angels with a mom partner.

Brian/Hoodie with a sick lover.

Offenderman with a sweet and goofy lover.

Sally and Eyeless Jack having a sibling relationship.

Offenderman being awkward about falling in love instead of lust.

Offenderman with a lover that has intense emotions.

Judge Angels being a cupid during Valentine’s Day!

Jason with a lover that has anger issues.

Alex and Jay during a thunderstorm.

Dr. Smiley general fluff.

Bloody Painter with a male lover.

Bloody Painter with a blind lover.

Liu Hodek x Judge Angels

Offenderman comforting his sad lover.

Candy Pop with a lover that's often really cheery but will snap and become aggressive when mad.

Ben Drowned with a lover who loves seeing him play videogames and helps him with trivia/problems.

Offenderman x Kagekao

Kagekao with a lover who has never watched anime before.

Offenderman with an affection-starved lover.

Masky and Hoodie being Toby’s adoptive parents.

Dimitri (The X) dealing with a sensory overload partner.

Offenderman with a lover who doesn’t drink alcohol.

Puppeteer’s puppet collection.

Offenderman x Kagekao. 

—SFW & NSFW Headcanons:

Jeff Hodek and Ben Drowned with a kinky goth s/o.

Eyeless Jack

Masky

Slenderman x Jeff Hodek

Offenderman x Kagekao

—Lime Headcanons:

Dr. Smiley's reaction to knowing his lover has Daddy and Kitten play kink.

The X and his tentacle kink.

Shiro x The X.

Spicy The X's headcanons.

Which of the slender brothers were the first one to lose their virginity?

Would Slenderman have a mouth?

—NSFW Headcanons:

Ben Drowned

Skully/Jay

Dr. Smiley

Laughing Jack (1) (2)

Clockwork

Jane Arkensaw

Jeff with a submissive lover.

The Rake

Candy Pop with a shy lover.

The Puppeteer

Slenderman

Puppeteer and Slenderman as a couple.

Hoodie x Ticci Toby

Bloody Painter x Tim

Slender brothers’ favorite kinks.

— Answering some specific questions from my Headcanon’s:

Why does Dr. Smiley like Science Fiction?

Why does Dr. Smiley hate teens?

Why does Puppeteer hate teens?

Would Bloody Painter and Clockwork get along because of their passion for art?

Does Slenderman have a mouth?

What do other demons think of Kagekao?

Which powers(’sickness’) each Slenderbro has?

—Creepypasta Fusions headcanons!

Liu Hodek + The Puppeteer

Candy Pop + Jason the toymaker

Clockwork + Photography

Dr. Smiley + Eyeless Jack

Ticci Toby + Ben Drowned

Offenderman + Laughing Jack

Emra Amelia + The Puppeteer

—A to Z - NSFW Headcanons:

The X

Ben Drowned

Eyeless Jack 

Dr. Smiley

Ticci Toby 

Slenderman

Splendorman

Trenderman

Offenderman

Jeff Hodek

Laughing Jack

Bloody Painter

Jason the toymaker

Kagekao

Jane Arkensaw

— Zoomorphic AU:

Jason the toymaker as a half-cat 

Jason half cat sketches

—School AU:

Characters and their position list

— Revolutionary Cyberpunk AU:

Soon ~

—Some stuff I wrote:

Porcelain Walls (Candy Pop/Jason the toymaker One-Shot Fic)

Drunk Talk (Offenderman/Bartender!Reader One-Shot Fic)

—Headcanons with them all:

What emotion do they think is the strongest?

What book genre do like (most) to read?

What would their spirit animal be?

What are their favorite and least favorite food?

According to them, why do they kill?

Which of them are ticklish?

Which of them have dirty thoughts?

Which of them are more affectionate towards their lover?

Which of them flirts more towards their friend or partner?

Would they kill for love?

Which of them are more disgusted with life?

What do they do in their free time?

How much do they sleep?

Their strangest kinks.

They taking care of their sick lover.

Their favorites songs and bands/artists.

How do they ask/sign that they want to have sex with their lover?

What do they find about kids?

What do they find about teenagers?

Which of them would use acrylic nails?

Who are they in a classroom?

What do they think of people who wear a lot of piercings and tattoos?

What can make them cry?

What would they appreciate someone doing for them if they were sick?

Which of them are meme lords?

Which of them snores, heavy breathes or just looks dead when they sleep?

Do they prefer dogs, cats, or both?

Their nationality.

Which of them likes most to cuddle with their lover when going to sleep.

Their Harry Potter houses.

Their favorite season.

Which pastas like to paint their nails.

Which of them prefer foreplay rather than penetration during sex.

Creeps on a plane.

Do they cosplay? Or are they interested in it?

Which of them are most protective of their loved ones.

Creepypasta characters as Greek gods.

—Their reaction to:

Accidentally walking into someone taking a shower.

Their partner using kitty underwear when they are going to get laid.

Their lover having to study hard to a test.

Seeing their lover having a panic attack or being depressed.

Seeing anybody in a panic crisis.

Seeing a girl wearing a bikini.

Their best friend talking to a stranger.

Seeing a kid being bullied.

Kids fighting.

Walking into someone masturbating in the middle of the living room.

Seeing a stranger caressing their lover.

Someone else liking their “crush”.

Their partner’s TPM.

Their lover (who is from a different country) speaking their native language when tired/angry.

Finding their beloved’s dead body.

Finding their beloved’s dead body (but it was a prank.)

Their partner calling them “daddy/mommy” for the first time.

Their lover saying they love them for the first time.

Having a partner who is a Spirit/Ghost.

Their beloved who had their cat that ran away.

Knowing their best friend was hanging out with their best friend’s lover.

Knowing their lover would have to go through delicate surgery.

Their friends asking if they can sleep in their room because they had a nightmare.

Having sex for the first time.

Their lover getting scared during a thunderstorm.

Their partner feeling insecure about themselves from time to time and has alexithymia.  

Someone setting a firework off in the house.

Liu showing up with a teacup-sized kitten saying that he’s gonna keep them.

Proxys finding out someone has been stalking/harassing their lover. 

Their lover feeling cold.

Having a partner that wants to go into the military.

Finding out someone they thought was neutral, or even hated them, was actually looking out for them.

Discovering that Toby and Hoodie do drag secretly.

Seeing their s/o sad, tired, and done with everything.

(In a school) seeing a new student in their classroom.

Their lover being sad, tired, and done with everything.

A lover that smokes (cigarettes).

Waking up with changed sex.

A partner who is learning to speak another language.

[half-explored]

and she breathed her last

format: novel

status: outlining

place: second in series (hopefully the LAST)

pov: third person limited

genre: fantasy, adventure

themes/aesthetics: old, damp caves; family secrets long untold; death & destruction; people with greed running through their veins; memories long gone; found families; betrayal

first line: caspara never knew you could get sick of the ocean. But it was quickly happening to her.

characters:

‘I never quite thought I’d say this, but Tajuddin, I’ll help you’

                                                            ~

‘Ah, my little bloodthirsty and assuming sister. I assure you that what I am about to do is a lot less illegal and dangerous.’

caspara boutros: muslim, yemeni, aromantic, autistic, 12 (subject to change). she’s snarky, unforgiving, and unwilling to accept [REDACTED] as she once did. griffinclaw, wears her hair in a long braid, constantly in overalls. a genius TM. special interests include zoology, ancient creatures and old books.

                                                           ~

‘Usually rich people find a better bar. What brings you here?’ The bartender sat down, before remembering the huge task that lay before him and called a drunk Tajuddin over to the bar, inviting him to sit, which he did.

‘Well, what else right?’ Tajuddin gestured with his hand, distractedly. ‘Problems with girls, problems with the family, and of course’ he burped. ‘imminent death.’

                                                           ~

tajuddin boutros: the one who started this whole mess. having a whale of a time getting to know [REDACTED]. clumsy, lovable, and innocent (as innocent as a once-siren hunter can be at least). the protagonist of when siren blood runs, 23

                                                           ~

‘What do you think we should buy? I want to help make dinner today.’ Faarih said brightly as they searched through the eggs trying to find some good sized ones. Tajuddin had insisted on paying.

Tajuddin scoffed disbelievingly. ‘I haven’t been here for 6 years, but I highly doubt your cooking skills have improved since the last time we let you cook. No way.’

Faarih’s smile wavered, remembering the incident. ‘Ok, but I was twelve. Twelve! Mama and Papa says it told them all they needed to know about my cooking skills and that,’ she put up little quotation marks, balancing one of their two baskets on her compromised hands. ‘I should focus my skills elsewhere, which is absolute rubbish! I could… I could be a good cook!’

                                                          ~

faarih boutros: 19, soft, feminine trans girl but absolutely ready to kick your ass the second you disrespect her. hijabi muslim, friendly and bubbly, romantic, hufflepuff. she has vitiligo.

                                                          ~

Iassar still didn’t look alarmed. ‘Slow down kiddo. Are you so self-centred that you think I courted your sister because of you?’

Tajuddin was taken aback. ‘Wait… you didn’t?’

He smirked, though it was less effective because there was green blood trickling down his face, effectively ruining his outfit, Tajuddin thought, with no small amount of satisfaction. ‘I didn’t say that.’

                                                         ~

iassar almasi: if you believe everything tajuddin told you then you would hate him for a lot of stuff, including him being a self-centered prick. in truth, it’s a lot more complicated than that. slytherin. he’s 20 or 21

                                                         ~

Tajuddin had so many questions. ‘Firstly,’ he approached Lyth. ‘how did you sirens manage to hide this from us? Secondly, how come no one knows? You could make a fortune of th- ow!’ He hobbled around, his body sore from the beating he took earlier and swore at Lyth.

‘What was that for?’

‘Killer, you need to learn a few things about us sirens. Firstly, there has never been a siren who thought oh! exposing this place to humans would be a great idea! You humans are fools. You think everything special ought to be shared, or exploited.’ She took a deep breath and looked out at the city, eyes shining with something Tajuddin had yet to see. ‘There are some things, that should never, ever be shared with your kind.’ She gave him a black look. ‘You’re a prime example of why we would never share this with the public.’

                                                        ~

lyth levane: former diplomat for the Council, never had any direct connections to the sirens tajuddin murdered, but she certainly feels their loss as keenly as anyone. reluctant to involve herself with him, but as we all know, resistance is futile. 25, she/her they/them, disabled. they invented and built most of the ramps around the siren’s city (one which i have yet to name) due to them using a wheelchair. they are genderfluid, and have a strong interest in carpentry (lucky for them, eh?) and dead languages.

                                                       ~

taglist (if this interests you and you’d like to hear more, please let me know!): (from the first wip, this is the only post you’ll be tagged in if you don’t ask to be tagged for this wip) @livvywrites @woodhouse-jay @mvcreates @purpleshadows1989 @sunlight-and-starskies

thank you for reading this far! If you’re interested in the first wip, I’ll link both the page, it’s tag and it’s intro for your enjoyment :D

summary below (be wary of consequential spoilers ~ the ending of the first book is spoiled, pretty major to some)

summary:

After three weeks of travelling, Caspara, Tajuddin, Lyth, Faarih and Iassar reach the sorceress’s island. Their mission to convince her to destroy the highly unstabled stones - family heirlooms - is quite simple. Until life throws a wrench in their plans. Or really, the lack of life. The sorceress is dead.

But an intelligent Caspara knows better. The sorceress’s last dying breath still lurks on the island - the only reason the island hasn’t fallen into disrepair. Now the newly-tasked five must venture into the depths of an intricate cave system - used by the sorceress to shield herself - to find the dying breath, still capable of granting a wish. But there’s another problem. The breath must be found in under two weeks and, unbeknowst to all except Caspara and Lyth, another evil lurks on this island. One that stands to destroy all that Caspara knows and loves as her own.

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

My thoughts while TGD 2x18 “Trampoline” aka a long ass post because I started out with no expectations and got everything I freakin wanted oh my god I’m still freaking out 😭😭 my thought process was a whirlwind lemme tell you

So a little stressed and worried about tonight’s ep with shea probably crumbling for good and shaun being in the hospital and melendaire going down the drain *sigh* but I just need to remind myself that I didn’t get so into this show and become active on tumblr because of the ships but because I love the characters and the storyline and shaun overcoming challenges of being autistic and fighting against ableism and need to remember that and remind you all to in case you’ve forgotten as well

-reliving shaun being upset was heartbreaking omg

-shaun bby no where tf is the bartender

-😂 v blunt lady and omgggg Lim making jokes about it I love her also why do I feel like this is either a hint with the “subservient” thing saying melendaire will never happen :// BUUUT why can’t it if they just have the same review/hr going going over it as well I also don’t have to have my melendaire while Claire is still his resident but I would still like moments between them OKAY?!

-🤮🤮 I’m disgusted I knew this moment was coming a dramatic kiss omg wtf I’m done already and this is so awkward omg

-yes Claire give them that look realize you LIKE MELENDEZ

-lmaooo damn morgan throw park under the bus but omg yes she DIDNT DENY BEING GAY OUTRIGHT GIVING ME HOPE OF HER BEING BI/PAN PLZZZ 🙏🏼🙏🏼

-that’s a fucking lie han, Melendez and Andrews have both challenged him and and our now backing up their boy and believe he can do it at least fucking Andrews is which is surprising because god knows Melendez has hardly interacted with Shaun or stuck up for him this season despite them having that moment in the finale last year

-a shaire moment fuck yes 😭 Claire being compassionate and inspirational as always

-I’m so in love with Claire Browne and I know I’m reading into ships too much but Claire saying she wants to fall in love after seeing l*mlendez isn’t a coincidence right?? Or is it a shaire hint which I’m not COMPLETELY opposed to if I can’t have my melendaire but if shea doesn’t work out I think Carly should come into the picture more 👀👀

-omg 😭 shaun wants to be a dad

-This shaire acting out interaction is giving me so much life oh my good it’s cuteness freakin overload

-what the fuck what the fuck glassman you’re proposing what the fuck

-I’m just looking into everything because that seemed like a parmorgan moment with him being young and can still have kids 😂 also why does Park suddenly look v young in this ep

-shaun being blunt as always I love it and so does Carly

-😂 morgan is such a kiss ass I love her and did Neil have that face because of her doing that or because he’s not secure in his relationship with lim 😏😏

-oh shaun honey why are you lying please get checked out and Claire please press him more for info

-and yes I fucking love Carly backing up shaun and doing the test for him

-really shaun is going to get in trouble for how he talks to patients but we have fucking park saying shit like that to an old woman and Morgan has done the same too in the past like really?!

-Fucking tell him lady and I can’t believe morgan is being more compassionate then someone else for once

-shaun finally opening and telling people how it is like yes let him be sad and angry before making him move on

-and shaun bby nooo the collapse has come

-what the fuck why isn’t anybody else in the room for/with shaun besides Claire isn’t anybody else worried

-gdi han hitting Andrews where it hurts he hates looking like a fool but I’m still hoping Andrews will override him like he wants and bring shaun back like I’m still so shocked he’s fighting for shaun like this

-aww finally Melendez showing care for shaun and not wanting to risk even 1% chance of him getting worse 😭

-that’s so adorable Claire getting into character for shaun and getting camera angles and movements like he does for his epiphanies and visuals

-omg Claire asking for a step stool to be Shaun’s height 😂

-ok Lea don’t say yes because you feel guilty and like you have to

-YESSS I FUCKING LOVE CLAIRE IM IN LOVE SHES SO ADORABLE AND SMART AND FIGURED OUT WHAT SHAUN SAW

-ugh shaire is being so cute tonight separately and together shaun being happy Claire figured out the diagnosis

-and this old lady was a fucking trip what the hell

-please don’t let me down Andrews like you’ve done before

-I love you Daniel dae Kim and wish your character wasn’t an asshole so you could stay but sayonara my dude

-I literally just yelled oh shit and oh my god and I still want to yell ASSHOLE ANDREWS IS NO LONGER GOING TO BE GIVEN THAT NICKNAME EVER AGAIN I CANT BELIEVE HE JUST FIRED HAN TO TO KEEP SHAUN FUCK YES OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING AND SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND SO FUCKING AWESOME FOR SHAUN TO HAVE PEOPLE BACKING HIM LIKE THIS OH MY GOD

-so now chief of surgery is available so I’m hoping from this l*mlendez moment they’ll break up or will have have tension now and Melendez will go have a moment with Claire 👀

-oh my god this is the best moment fucking ever oh my god I don’t even care that Neil did that for Audrey (which is hella surprising in my opinion) BUT THEYRE BREAKING UP OH MY GOD YES THIS IS IS LITERALLY THE BEST EPISODE AGAIN AFTER THE SHIT SHOW THATS BEEN HAPPENING AFTER THEY SLEPT TOGETHER OH MY GOD MELENDAIRE GROUP CHAT WE WERE RIGHT YALL IM FREAKING OUT SO BAD AND MY HANDS CAN HARDLY KEEP UP BUT WE WERE FUCKING RIGHT AND THEY BROKE UP BY THE FINALE

-WE KNEW THIS SHIT WOULDN’T LAST FUCK YEESSSS DUDE

-The fact that I can finally use this gif 🙌🏼🙌🏼

-oh my god yes shaun please tell me you’re going to Carly and Lea don’t have regret idk how I feel it’ll be a twist if it’s a love triangle with Shaun, whoever he’s going to ask out and Lea

-aww glassman and Debbie it’s actually cute especially since they’re real life husband and wife but y’all should already know that

-and this is not the wedding I thought I’d be getting but I ain’t mad

-omg yes yes yes yes it’s Carly YESSSSS I’m freaking out and cheering like shaun is

-HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE WAS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING AMAZING AND ENDED BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭

-can I just say I’m so glad Carly is back and I so fucking called her and shaun happening blessss 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

-honestly just forget what I said at the beginning of this about ignoring ships because right now mine are sailing so I’m sorry if yours aren’t and imma die happy rn ok

-brb tho gotta read the 350 texts the group chat had during the ep

[smallgayblanket]

OOh - tell me some of your headcannons for the egos?

Ohhh man oh man oh man- which one do i even start with..

I have a load of different HCS that fit certain different spins of how the egos are depending on one what kinda universe they are apart of..

For example, I have one about JJ- Where he was actually made mute by Shawn, except Shawn while his body was puppeted by the ink demon creature that resides within him. (Ive even RP’d a thing with a friend where Shawn’s ink counterpart forced ink into JJ and JJ ended up having his own alter ink persona called Cole.) 

JJ is a bartender- and hes suuuper good at knowing exactly what someone will enjoy as a drink, call it a superpower, he hardly ever goes wrong when asked what he suggests they’d like.   

(Also he has a pocket watch which contains the soul of an old man called Horace who likes to try and provide old man advice to the lad.) 

And although hes a timey fellow, I actually HC’d his ablity would to be to control liquids, his veins in his wrists glow when he does it, its very fancy (and extremely pretty when he can make creatures out of water dance on the surface of the lake)  However over use leads to him suffering an experience of drowning which can be rather dangerous and awfully scary. 

JJ also has a huge fear of knives.

Also I picture him having silver tipped hair, which is just a touch long and flops in his eyes occasionally.

JJ Also suffers malnutrition because of his sore vocal cords/throat. It can be  struggle to get him to eat!. (Did i mention I cannon him as selectively /half mute because he can still talk but its raspy and hurts to do so ? ^^’ ) 

--

Jackie

Jackie!! my ladd. Hes a great guy, buff, charming, super big sweetheart too. 

He runs a couple of jobs, depending on where hes at which include: a comic book shop, a gym, or just sneakily hiding in plain sight as a gas station convenience store clerk. 

I HC that his eyes are actually a blue tinted lilac, and glow gold.

He has a red patch in his hair!

Hes v v fast, and buff.

I also had this whole thing about him being able to create glowing golden orbs and if he makes enough of them he can basically make a clone out of orbs, and they copy what he does!

However, I’ve also always adored Phionex! Jackie, who lost his wings and desperately wants to grow them back but despite being reborn from ash they seem to still refuse to resprout. 

Because of  his inhuman nature, he runs really fucking warm! so hes like a human heater.

He gives real good advice, and the bestest fuckin hugs. 

Also for some reason whenever I write him speaking he has a bit of southern in him?

--

Robbie

Robbie. Is the softest of lads, he drowns in his sweaters, and as a few autistic traits. Not a fan of big loud noises and crowds and loves soft things to nuzzle up against. Also big oral fixation, boi needs some chew toys.  Hes a good lad, eager to help out and be around the other egos, but also quite the quiet type and happy to sit around at home in his piles of blankets.

--

Chase

I totally HC that Chase suffers from Chronic fatigue, which is part of why his depression got so bad and that he tries his best to make use of his energy. Poor guy can get real tuckered out when he pushes himself too hard.

He's always kept the lime green mess on the top of his head, though sometimes it gets more yellow then he means for it to get. 

He has a tattoo dedicated to his kids hidden under his sleeve on his upper arm/shoulder. It's of some cool triangles. One in red for his son, one in purple for his daughter.

He does really well trying to maintain his bro average channel.

--

Anti

I kinda have a couple views on Anti, since I love cold asshole murder, and also the possibility of ships with a slightly more misunderstood but softer guy.

Hes got static blue eyes, that you’ll only see if hes being vulnerable or super tired that he cant maintain the scary green glow. 

I have a HC that hes actually a missing part of Jacks soul, hence why he feels so unstable, incomplete and sad. Hes missing all the good bits that Sean has, and is left with a cold fragment of what he could really be.

However he has, and does murder. Though he attempts to murder those who have actually done wrong. 

Very sassy and snappy. Takes alot to get to get to who he actually is.

On the other hand he can just be a fucking ruthless torturer and crazy sadistic asshole who has it out for nearly everyone! 

--

Angus!

Survival hunter. Weird accent mix of Australian and Irish. Uses 'mate' 'oi' 'bag a few of them' 

Has a trusty machette. And an epic bow which he's p good at using. Large knowledge of trees and animals and survival.

Wears alot of camo/brown stuff. Loads of pockets. Pocket knife/multitool Hair usually slicked back or messy.

Finger less gloves! Oceany more greeny pale eyes. Totally has some cool studs in his ears- maybe a little wolf fang in the side or something.  Beard more like is soft and fuller and well maintained.

 Freckles??? sunspots?? yes. Also toned n tanned Def has scars. On his neck, over his cheek and right eye. Plenty on his hands from burns and stings. Has some nasty ones on his ankle on his right foot from accidentally encountering a rouge set up bear trap- nearly lost his foot. Because of that theres sometimes a faint limp that's only kinda there when hes sick/tired.

Obviously wears boots.

Eats alot of trail mix.Loves his meat tho.

Also partakes in Woodcarving !!

Sometimes rather foolishly ignores when hes hurt.

Lost his right leg from the knee down to an awful incident with a hippo Has a prosthetic leg. 

Also lost from his elbow down his forearm n hand to a Wedingo.

if he were to have a Home it would basically be a sanctuary. Like a huge property out of the way and secluded.. Nice and private. 

HE HAS A St. Bernard. Big puppo-  Called Baloo.

He grows some cool ass rare flowers, some homegrown vegtables n berries. Maybe even a cashew tree/apple tree. Plenty of shade but also fresh air. 

He has solar panels too so hes basically not needing anyone asides the trip to the shop for like basics he cant acquire like soaps n milk n stuff.

--

Blank  

My fucking. Boi. 

Fricking soft boy, his aura is hard to control and sometimes controls him.

He has a rare heart issue which makes him prone to fainting and collapsing without much warning.  Still, he tries.

He mumbles an awful lot, and has boughts where his aura ges really bad and he numbs out..(Usually in the corner of his room, everything dark, and loads of errie whispers..) 

His aura can manifest into dead vines. He can also absorb other auras so they cant affect him/others!

Sometimes stray petals end up in his hair.

He’s truly trying to be a good lad, hes just a bit odd and misguided. He worries he’ll turn into a monster.

He fucking loves the moves Finding Nemo, and Finding Dory, because he can be very forgetful too.

Honestly, fav boi, should write more for him i just l ove him alot okay. 

--

KOTS

Personally, I HC that the KOTS is actually called Simon. Occasionally i like to picture him with both ears and tail, but generally hes just a guy in glasses in a red sweater who is generally a little skittish and usually quite frazzled.  However he actually isnt all that dumb, and has quite an extensive knowledge on the forests flora and fauna. 

I did have a really mean HC that hes actually allergic to PB, but only in the sense that it upsets his tum, so like a lactose intolerant person, he eats it and regrets that later.

Also, he has a really nice hanging egg nest thing thats really cushioned and he loves to curl up and sleep there with a nice book.

He’s got really pretty amber eyes too!!

--

Edward!!

He fucking loves space!! and Secretly also is not that bad at painting. It's a soothing thing to do in his downtime. 

His favourite treat is anything with white chocolate and raspberry. 

Also, I quite adore my HC that he loses an arm- Either because of upsetting the heads of the household (Dark/Wilford) or because of a house fire. 

(Also this isnt the place to mention it but I did once get excited about the idea of a Google/Edward fusion called Edware.) 

--

Yandere  

Nonbinary somewhat MTF.  

They’re a real cutie. but they will punch dickheads without sweat and really just want someone to be their senpai and let them fall for them head over heels without running away..

They have an epic pink katana. Obviously a huge love for japan and its culture and stuff. 

Quite obsessive, but it usually only endangers them for falling so hard that they hurt themselves trying to please their Senpai and beat themselves up over not being worthy or good enough for them when they dont get affection back or end up rejected. 

Also yeah theyre into blood a little bit >.> 

I kinda love the idea of shipping them with Bim and helping him get a supply of ‘meat’ in return Bim gives plenty of affections to satisfy Yans starved nature.

[teruthecreator]

some more thoughts on Mack (or just all of my thoughts on her, since I wrote all of my original thoughts in the reply to grace’s post) while im at it: 

she grew up in Connecticut, near Hartford. 

very much looks like an extrovert, and that’s because she is. 

seriously, this woman is the life of any party. even if she wasn’t invited. 

grew up in a strict household with many siblings (she’s the youngest of six) so she often got scolded by her parents/older sibs for being too wild. 

she’s autistic! her favorite thing to stim on is her hair. catch her literally holding a lock of her hair up to her nose for no reason. or twirling her curls even tighter, she loooooooves doing that. 

was super involved in the theatre community at her high school, but her parents were not too approving of it so she couldn’t do it out of school. 

she used to sneak out and usher at local theatres, as she got older. eventually, all the theatres in the area knew her by name and would welcome her in with open arms. 

definitely wanted to come out in high school, but knew the second she did that would be the last straw and she’d get her ass booted off to some private academy, so she was real sus about everything. 

when she went to college, she immediately changed her major to pursue theatre full-time (her parents forced her to go in for like biology or some shit). but because of this her parents cut her funding for school. 

luckily, with the number of theatres who knew her at this point, she was able to work her way to her undergraduate degree. and then she was off! 

her passion lies pretty heavily in acting, but her experiences have taken her all across the spectrum of theatrical positions. she’s ushered, done run crew, produced shows, directed shows, etc. 

she also did improv in her free time on a team, which paid...eh, not much. but it was still fun! 

definitely would consider her an optimist with a heart of gold and a resolve of steel. not much can keep her down for the count! 

after a few years staying around Connecticut (traveling as far as Philadelphia to work or audition), she decided to take a chance and travel beyond! 

which is how she ended up in kepler! bc a gig she was promised by some two-bit director fell through when she refused to sleep w him! which then stranded her in west virginia w very little money bc she had used all of it on an apartment/moving stuff! hooray! 

she actually doesn’t end up immediately in kepler. she lives in an apartment complex a few cities north busing tables and waitressing until she sees an offer for a fairly cheap house in kepler. 

now, another thing abt mack is she is Incredibly Impulsive. so the second she sees an opportunity, she jumps on it. she puts an offer down on the place before she even puts in her two weeks, and within that month she’s moved into kepler! 

she’s not used to the very secluded townie vibes kepler gives off (she grew up in and around cities), so she’s a little hesitant to socialize at first. 

finally, she applies for a bartending job at the Little Dipper (AKA the Hornets Nest, though it wasn’t yet considered that) and starts to meet locals little by little through her job. 

remember when I said Mack’s a big ol’ lesbian?? yeah, she’s a maaaaaaaaajor hopeless romantic, and being a bartender meant she got to stare wistfully at pretty women for hours on end (or, at least, until she was hipchecked by her boss to keep working). 

the bar is also where she hears about a building being foreclosed that is the perfect size for a small community theatre. 

needless to say, she’s got a tip jar set up that says “MONEY FOR FUTURE THEATRE!!!! :DDDDD” within the week. 

Mack has absolutely no expertise when it comes to business, buying or renting a building, or any of that bullcrap. what she does know is how to rally a group of excited kepler residents into assisting her in building a theatre out of an abandoned clothing stores. 

her first couple of seasons after opening Kepler Kommunity Theatre Kompany (”Yes, the K’s are intentional! It’s funnier that way!”) are rocky, to say the least. not many people are interested in theatre, and because it’s a small town, she doesn’t get much public traction beyond kepler. 

this is when she meets ned for the first time, who comes to her following a show and offers to promote her company through the Cryptonomica for a “cut of the action”. Mack reminds him there isn’t much action here to begin with, and so he backs his offer to just have cross-promotion from either business. she agrees. 

for some reason, that shit works. her next production sees a lot more people auditioning or applying to crew positions. she has no idea how ned managed it, but she’s thankful for his slightly skeevy business practices. 

and that brings us to the present! her business isn’t booming, but it’s certainly doing well enough for her to pursue her dreams! the theatre brings in its regulars, along with any tourists who pass through town during production season. she has her permanent team (which includes kirby, and is why ned and mack remain in a psuedo-serious spat to this day) and a cycle of actors who come in and out to perform. all-in-all, it’s not a typical theatre, but it’s her theatre. and that’s the shit that matters, babey!!!