#my anxious thoughts 😕

[cityzenchick]

Those moments when ....... your beautiful man has gone down injured during a match (either for City or England) ......... he's in so much pain and obvious distress ......... and anxiously, you jump to your feet with trembling legs, calling out his name, feeling sick and utterly helpless as you watch him receiving treatment, from your seat in the players' box on the sidelines ............

[floral-hex]

Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.

lol it’s underwater 🐠

[reputayswift]

you went to a PARTy. I heard from everyBODy. you-part-the-crowd-like-the-red-sea-don’t-even get me STARTed (did you get anxious though? 😕 on the way home…? I guess I’ll nev-er-ever-know…now that we don’t talk…)…………….🥁 you 🥁 grew 🥁 your 🥁 hair 🥁 long 🥁 you 🥁 got 🥁 new 🥁 icons 🥁 and-from-the-outside-it-looks-like-you’re-trying-lives-on (I miss the old ways 😔 you didn’t have to change 😞 but I-guess I-don’t have-a say…)

now-that

we-don’t

talk!

I. CALL. MY. MOM. SHE-SAID-THAT-IT-WAS-FOR-THE-ᵇᵉˢᵗ~

RE-MIND. MY-SELF. THE. MORE. I. GAVE, YOU’D-WANT-ME-ˡᵉˢˢ~

ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵇе ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠʳᶦᵉⁿᵈ! ˢᵒ ᴵ ᵖᵃʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖʳᶦᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᴵ ˡᵒˢt!!!! and what it ᶜᵒˢᵗ!!!

now-that

we-don’t

talk!

ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᵈᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵉˡˡ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠʳᶦᵉⁿᵈˢ ʷᵉ…ˢʰᵃʳᵉᵈ ᵈᶦⁿⁿᵉʳˢ, ˡᵒⁿᵍ ʷᵉᵉᵏᵉⁿᵈˢ ʷᶦᵗʰˀ….ᵗʳᵘᵗʰ ᶦˢ, ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵖʳᵉᵗᵉⁿᵈ ᶦᵗ'ˢ….ᵖˡᵃᵗᵒⁿᶦᶜ, ᶦᵗ'ˢ. ʲᵘˢᵗ. ᵉⁿᵈᵉᵈ

🗣️ SO.

I. CALL. MY. MOM. SHE-SAID TO-GET-IT-OFF-MY-ᶜʰᵉˢᵗ~ (off my chest!)

RE-MIND. MY-SELF. THE. WAY. YOU. FADE-D ‘TIL-I-ˡᵉᶠᵗ~ (‘ᵗᶦˡ ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ!)

ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵇе ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠʳᶦᵉⁿᵈ! ˢᵒ ᴵ ᵖᵃʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖʳᶦᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᴵ ˡᵒˢt!!!! (what I lost) and what it ᶜᵒˢᵗ!!!

now-that

we-don’t

talk!

I-don’t have-to pre-tend I-like ac-id rock. or-that I’d-like to-be on-a meg-a yacht. with im-portant men-who think im-portant thoughts~

(guess maybe I am better off? 🤔)

now-that

we-don’t

talk!

And-the only way-back to-my dignity…was-to turn into-a shrouded mystery…just-like I-had been-when you-were chasing me~

🗣️ GUESS THIS IS HOW IT HAS TO BE! 🤷‍♀️

now-that

we-don’t

talk.

[inkdrinkerworld]

about caregiver!aaron !! he’d be so so so sweet 😕

yes!! ive been having this thought for weeks so let me pen it!! cw:talks of a slightly 'little' reader aka age regression, aaron is full caregiver!mode! use of daddy nonsexually. don't like it don't read!

Aaron's been waiting for you to slip all day. 

More accurately, he’d known you had needed to slip all week, but there hadn’t been a quiet and safe moment for Aaron to help you regress. He had been waiting and now that the week was over and he had secured the weekend off for the entire team, he knew it was the perfect time to help you regress so you could finally relax. 

He’d seen the glaze in your eyes after you had wrapped the case and on the drive home he made a quick stop at the grocery to get a few necessities to make your night much more comfortable. 

“Wanna come out?" he asks, hand brushing back the hair falling in your face. 

“What are we going for?” your voice is soft and your eyes are even glossier than they were before. Aaron hates the way you can’t slip yet, and he can tell you’re growing more anxious as you force yourself to remain ‘big.’

“We don't have any more of the Little Debbie cakes you like and we gotta replace your mug,” you nod and rub your face with the back of your hand tiredly. 

“’Wanna choose my mug.” you let Aaron unbuckle you and lead you through the grocery. He keeps his fingers interlocked with yours, especially when you spot the sale they were having on the cakes you loved.  

You grab four boxes of the fancy cakes-which Aaron can’t object to because he knows the regression might last through the weekend and he just wanted you happy-, a couple white chocolate bars and then you let Aaron lead you to the mugs. 

You’d broken your usual one washing it the other day and between the cases over the last few weeks, you hadn’t had time to replace it. 

Aaron had ordered one but it wouldn’t arrive till another week. 

“This one, please.” you point to the mug with an illustration of butterflies in the centre, different from your last one but Aaron wasn’t going to deny you. 

“You sure, bug?” you look up at him, a small smile on your lips. 

“Yeah, this one.” A confident nod accompanies your words and Aaron sets it in the basket he has in his hands. 

When you’re back in the car, he opens one of your cakes and hands it off to you, “I’ll make you some milo when we get home, ‘kay?”

As you munch on the cake you can feel yourself slip further into the headspace and tap Aaron's bicep. 

“Daddy,” you murmur and he nods, turning to kiss your cheek. 

“S’alright baby, daddy knows. It’s okay to slip, bug.”

Aaron’s reassurance had been enough to let the tension in your shoulders drop and for you to slump against the seat with a smile. 

You hum along to some of the pop songs on the radio, but mostly you take small nibbles of your cake and wiggle your toes in your boots, ready to be showered and in pyjamas.  

“D’you want a bath or a shower, bug?” Aaron leads you into the kitchen, getting a glass of water to you as he waits on your decision. 

“Bath please, daddy.” you wipe away the water that dribbles down your chin with a lazy stroke and Aaron takes the glass before it can fall from your slack grip. 

“Alright baby,” the bath is filled and you’re in it for a total of twenty long minutes, Aaron deciding against washing your hair that late but dousing it in some oil and tying it off into two pigtail braids with ribbon on the end. 

“Can I wear the heart pyjamas?” your wet lashes blink slowly up at Aaron. There’s something about you in this headspace that makes his heart overflow with love for you. He’s not sure if it’s because you trust him to take care of you when you’re like this or if it’s the way your eyes form literal hearts when you stare at him, but whatever it is, he adores the feeling. 

“‘Course, bug.” he opens the drawer you have with all your pyjamas fr nights like this and holds the ribbed white cotton splashed with pink and red hearts out to you.

“C’mere,” when you’re dressed he sits you on the bed and rubs some of your moisturiser onto your face. “Stay here for daddy, m’gonna go for your milo and your cakes.” 

Aaron erases your pout with a quick peck, patting your back as he jerks his head towards your spot in bed. “Get comfy.”

“Ready?” he asks, setting you on the bed and setting your warm chocolate milk on his bedside table along with two more of your cakes. 

“Yeah, can we watch Winnie the Pooh, daddy? But not the Heffalump one. That one's scary.” 

Aaron nods, remembering all the times he’s had to take the movie off because you always get scared in the beginning. 

Before he sits on the bed beside you, he reaches for your stuffed Pooh on the chair at your vanity.

“Do you want your blanket?” he asks, already reaching for the soft fleece coverlet on the trunk in front of the bed before you can answer. He tucks the soft material around your yellow bear and drapes the rest over your body. 

“Thanks, daddy.” you lay curled into Aaron’s chest as he finds the movie, Pooh sitting on Aaron’s stomach so you don't dirty him as you eat your cakes. 

Aaron can think of no better way to spend his time, he keeps a hand patting your bum through the entire movie and when your milo is finished and you can’t stop yawning he rubs your back and helps you fall asleep on him. 

Not before you pout, ‘kiss us goodnight daddy,’ and he drops a kiss to your cheeks and then on Pooh’s.

[itscamile222]

Hi, how are you? I hope you're doing well!

How can I not confuse LOA with daydreaming?

I often see people saying, "The only reality is imagination, but daydreaming is fantasy," and it makes me VERY confused. This makes me extremely anxious because I don’t really understand this phrase, you know? 😕

I’ve been imagining my SP a lot, but I don’t know if it’s just fantasy or something like that. Sorry if it was confusing to understand...

Thank you in advance! ☺️

hii honey 💕 i’m wonderful thank youu

Okay so you asked me how not to confuse daydreaming and LOA. The thing is, they are two completely different things.

LOA (Law of Assumption) says your beliefs and assumptions shape your reality. What you believe to be true, it will manifest in your reality.

To use LOA in your favor you have two main tools: Affirmations and imagination. Neville Goddard had a formula to use imagination as a tool for manifestation with LOA. Explaining briefly, is getting into a sleeping-like state and imagine a situation that would happen with your ‘wish’ fulfilled, in first person, as many details as possible and using your senses, feeling like you are actually in that scenario now and here, and not only observing. Repeating all daily.

So, using imagination consciously as a tool (with all the features I mentioned previously) is visualisation.

Daydreaming, is when you let your mind wander. You’re not trying to control your thoughts, usually getting lost in them.

There’s the difference between them. Both daydreaming and visualization imply imagination, but while one is absorbing the other absorbs you. One you control it, the other rather controls you.

Hope this helped you 💞



[vettelsavatar]

tbb spoilers

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arghhh can’t believe i’m saying goodbye to yet another series i loved so soon. what a perfect ending. my only wish is to see who was under the masks of the CX clones… i think they’re clones of the batch, but i’m not sure. also, i wanted to see crosshair and wrecker’s older designs, not just omega and hunter’s 😕. guess i’ll leave that up to the artists…

honestly though- what a fantastic episode! i was anxious the whole way through, even when they were safe on pabu. i thought a star destroyer was going to come kill them all or something at the last second.

now that that’s out of the way.

CROSSHAIR SURVIVED!!!! CROSSHAIR IS ALIVE I AM AT PEACE FOREVER.

Can someone please lend him a hand (i’m so sorry)

[washa]

I listened to The Summit audio and here’s my favourite personal comments/thoughts! (IM STILL IN SHOCK WHAT TEH FUCK)

HELP OF COURSE ASHER LOST A FUCKING SHOE 

David’s gonna whip your ass Ash 

WHY ARE WE ROASTING ASHER SO BAD

Milo being a fashionista cannon

“Good thing belts don't correlate to height.” DAVID

Ash, Baabe, get a fucking room 

Sweetheart i’m crying please give a man some dress socks

---------------------

Vincent sounds so anxious

AWH NO WILL COME ON MAN NOT THE ASSISTANT 

Vincent baby… 😕

“I can't control how people are acting but I can control how I react.” PREACHHH VINCENT 

Mhm run past me. OOH MUSIC FUCK YES, THE DRACULA MUSIC I LOVE IT 🙏

Surprise??? He’s spoiling Lovely so bad

I'M SCARED IS IT GONNA JUMP AT ME LIKE THOSE PLASTIC SPIDERS

A CROWN?? NO NO NO THAT’S SO FUCKING SWEET 

THE SAME CRAFTSMAN AND EVERYTHING I CANNOT DO THIS😭

Wait, does Sam have a crown too?? Like being a duke

HE CALLED US BABY I CANNOT 

-----------------------

Shit these sound effects are FIRE

Yo Sam wassup my guy.

Oh Porter. Hi dear ☹️

Sam is literally the opposite of me I love small talk and big events lmfao 

“Good people” He’s so salty lmfao

There’s no way Darlin’ isn’t smoking hot rn

AY ICE CREAM TUBS, Mint chocolate chip for the win 🙌

I imagine them going hand in hand, like elbows connected.

--------------------------

Porter being a smooth bitch. (as usual)

Vincent is surprisingly kind abt this, well as nice as he can

IS TREASURE NOT HERE?? DID PORTER GASLIGHT ALL OF US.. 😰

That went well. Lovely calm your boyfriend before he pulls out his hair

Nah let like Sam punch him it’s funnier.

Are these other vamps that bad oh my god 

Ooh business deals?? Yes make that moolah.

Eccentric?? Tf you mean eccentric. I don’t think David can handle more eccentric people in his life.

HELP NOT ASH PICKING UP ON VINCENT (unrelated but can we just acknowledge how emotionally mature and smart Asher is?)

WHAT DID ASH DO?? TEAR DOWN A WALL???

Oh god Bennetts?? They sound pleasant.

Wait wait, House of Baz were allies, and but every word out of Deon's mouth was to diss William??? WHAT TYPE OF SHITTY ALLIES

I want those two to die, for all of their house to run into the sun. 

-----------------------

ALEXIS HOLY SHIT AH

Latest conquest?? Come here let me rip you up 

JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ALEXIS?? SORRY I'M NOT IMMORTAL GOD DAMN.

I don’t wanna fight you lex. YOU GROW UP?? PETTINESS IS CHILDISH.

You selfish little bitch. I’M GONNA BITE HER URGHSHSHGY

Porter thank FUCK YOU'RE HERE

YES YES YES PORTER OH MY GOD GO PORTER, Thank you Porter 😭

Alexis can suck my dick. 

“Like a proper family” That's an interesting view on what your idea of a loving family is Porter.

Sammy BOY??? HELP IM CACKLING

Surprisingly Porter is in the right here. 

WOAH SHOWDOWN SHOWDOWN WOO 

WAS PORTER JUST LEFT THERE

-----------------------

Oh god what fucking now, i cannot DEAL with anymore self centred fuckers.

Is he warning us? What’s happening.

OH MY GOD ADAM I FORGOT ABT HIM. 

Ykw he’s got a point here, a REALLY good point. CONSIDERING THE HOUSE OF BAZ THING.

ALEXIS SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR WRINKLED SQUEZZED GRAPE ASS LIFE

Sam :((( yes Sam you deserve that.

-----------------------

Asher and Milo bring up the mood woop woop 

HOLY SHIT JUMPSCARE

Good lord Porter has a bad rep already w them

Investor gadget woop woop, investor gadget bam bam bam bam go gadget go bup bam bam bam badum badump.

?? CLOSEKNIT?? GOD DAMMIT FUCK CAN WE GO ONE VIDEO WITHOUT REFERENCING THEM

Milo clamp your jaw for a sec

OH MY GOD THE BENNETTS SUPPLIED CLOSEKNIT??

PORTER YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD THANK YOOU FOR THE LORE DROP. 

Wait wait we’re doing it now? OH GOD WE’RE GONNA INVESTIGATE NOW AT THE SUMMIT.

Sam said a lot of things..

WAIT NO ONE ELSE BUT DAVID KNOWS WHAT MILO DID?? Even after 2 years??

No Sweetheart think abt this please what if ya get caught.

GO BETA GO BETA FUCK IT UP WOOAHH (i’m sorry i'm so stressed.)

-----------------------

You should’ve punched her Sam, you should’ve.

Sam and Darlin’ needed better taste in vamps ffs 

Sam therapy time 😇🥳 (as required in every Sam video)

YES SAM STAND UP FOR YOURSELF 

God Sam and Darlin’ are so fucking sweet URGDHAKDA

-----------------------

Is Angel stuck talking there or??

Imagine talking to someone for like 15 minutes and come back to find your friends stalking a head of the house. David needs a panadol for the headache coming up.

-----------------------

OOH ARE WE EAVESDROPPING.

Well nobody wants to join a cult tbh, like that’s so suspicious.

This is a surprisingly civil argument, i was expecting someone getting thrown through a wall

UH OH WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT??

-----------------------

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

What’s up w the king

HUH HE’S DEAD????? WHEN I SAID I WANTED HIM DEAD I DIDN'T MEAN ACTUALLY DEAD.

TAH’S IT TAHT ITS WAHTD THE FUCK? DID SWEETHEART KILL HIM? DID CHRIS DO IT HOW DID ALEXIS KNOW, IS THAT WHY PORTER PICKED A FIGHT??? TO CREATE A DISTRACTION?? 

So no ice cream?? 💔

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ( 18+)

CW: Pregnancy, adult topics, cheating

I didn’t think I’d get so jealous. But it’s my own fault I would say. 😕Nobody forced me to come here, where my ex and his (Ex) -fiancée lived together...

Nico: Sorry. But I put away almost everything that was possible. Her furnishings I can’t just let disappear overnight.

Me: What?... Um, no! I-... I don’t mind those furniture she bought or all that stuff. It looks great. Tbh, this is perfect! I just wonder, why didn’t it look like this in our apartment back then? I couldn’t even buy a new couch, without you starting to discuss with me. But you allowed her to change everything here.

Nico: Didn’t you listen to me a few mins ago? She bought all this shit here without my permission. I had no idea about it! I was playing soccer abroad. And you got a new couch back then. Just remember how many times I painted the walls for you. Hm?

Me: All this here looks pretty expensive, compared to our apartment. I kind of feel like she’s.... like Isabella.🤑

Nico: Isabella?... Hell, no! ..And she’s not wealthy like Isabella, if that’s what you wanted to know. Actually, she’s like.... you. Self-conscious, anxious, indecisive, a bit shy and.... sad. 🫤

Me: You must have a weakness for depressed women, ha?

Nico: You know what I meant. But she's not hooked, she has other serious..... issues. Just she’s not as cute and hot as you are to me.

Me: Yea, sure.... I just don’t understand why you moved in with her? I mean, you have a house! A pretty big one! An apartment was not really necessary. 🤨

Nico: Excuse me?.. Why would I live with my mother? You and P. also had plans to move together. Why is it allowed for you, but not for me?... Yes, he told me you chose him, when I visited him at his fucking college. So I had to move away, to avoid the two of you! But this here isn't her place. I was here before she and I got....well, serious.

Me: Sorry. I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t really choose Philip. I thought I had it, but.... no. I lied to him and myself. I always felt bad about you and he too! That’s why it was so easy for me to fall in love with Daniel. Frankly... I was glad that it was over with Philip. I didn’t want anything to do with you two, after I was with him abroad. 😒

Nico: That wasn't my fault, his ... Natasha bitch. I never did such a shit to you. But to be clear, I’m not blaming you for my own mistake! I’m sorry I asked you to sleep with him. I never admitted it, but.. the first time I saw you & him together,..... I wanted to kill P. ... Yea, now it’s out. I was jealous. Even though that damn thing was my fucking idea.🤷‍♂️

Me: And still, you insisted that I continue.......Hm? You know? But that spa-weekend was pretty nice. We should definitely repeat this. Just the two of us, of course!! Without Philip...... So sorry, N.

Nico: And I'm sorry for being crazy. I was so stupid to share you with Philip and pass between the two of us. I thought that would help you and I trusted P. Never thought he’d take you away from me. I was sure you would choose me if necessary.

Me: I chose you, but I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn't want to hurt P., so I went nuts and told my Dad.🤦‍♀️I told him the last 3 weeks alone with P. were hard. He locked me up not to relapse... and that you couldn't leave me alone, bcs I started using. I said all this to him... I wanted my Dad to get me out of that mess. Not really, I just didn't know what to do?...I was so unhappy bcs you had to go back to Italy. And at the same time afraid to lose P. But my crazy Dad sent you away, not Philip.

A bit later....

Nico: That movie sucks, babe. You really wanna keep watching this crap?... I’d rather continue with you.😏

Me: I gotta tell you something... Something serious. (🍼🤰 )

Nico: Daniel?? 🙄

Me: Agh, no... Anyway, let's talk later. I want you, too N.

Nico: From now on, you stay with me.

Me: She didn't even really move out here.... but I'd love to stay with you. 🩷

Nico: Then you stay, babe. No time to waste. I have so many plans for you. But most importantly, you divorce Daniel.

Me: This time, I’m not questioning what you’re up to.. I’ll do whatever you want. Besides, I have plans for you too. (😬🍼) And Daniel took off anyway. He doesn't want me.

Nico: His mistake, my gain. Such an moron!

And that's N.'s (ex-) fiancée. Stephanie.🤨 Don’t worry, she didn’t catch us in bed!!! But she was there! I didn’t see her myself the moment she came. I was sleeping. Nico was up. She came by to pick up her stuff, he thought. But she also wanted to talk to him and did not intend to leave. He didn’t tell her I was in his bedroom, he just asked her to leave. Nico told me she was crying and wearing... sleepwear?

He seemed worried and was somehow.... weird to me after she showed up at his place. I had the feeling, he didn’t want me anymore? 😞 All though a few hours ago, he wanted me to stay with him. He wanted me to move in with him. You know? However, I asked him to drive me home to my parents. I had to change & shower, so yea, he dropped me at my parent's house and said, that he would pick me up in 2 hours. I was so relieved that he wanted to come back. I was afraid to lose him a second time. Besides, I was pregnant. I mean, I haven’t taken a test yet, but I just knew it. Something changed in my body, I could literally feel it. It was like the last time I was pregnant. And btw, I told Nico what happened to me last year, about this whole annoying issue with my contraception. He reacted totally relaxed. He said, if I want a baby, he wouldn’t use protection. I really didn’t expect that!! 😲 I knew Nico never wanted to have children. At least not at this point. I was about to tell him, I was very likely pregnant, but I wanted to take a test first, to be absolutely sure!! I was so happy about N.’s composure on this subject. I already imagined our future with our Baby and all this. 🩵 Just as I mentioned before, the next morning, all this seemed to be in danger, bcs of that girl, Stephanie. 😓

Previous/ Next

[ruminate88]

The Death of Me: Toxic Relationships ⚰️

12/12/24 The Old Me Is Dead

I’ve literally imagined many many times in my mind, myself laying in a casket, thinking of my exes and how they brought death to me because I am not the same girl anymore. They changed me for the good AND the bad.

Sure, they taught me a lot of lessons about myself. They’ve brought me a lot of self-awareness, which is great but the pain they’ve brought me with the emotional barriers, sucks. I cannot possibly see the world how I saw it before… I don’t even like going to the store by myself because I’m so incredibly uncomfortable within my skin thinking that people are not safe and untrustworthy. (There has been great paranoia following these relationships)

It’s been a journey for me to just walk away and leave my exes behind. I cried so hard when I blocked my ex Andrew’s number like, I didn’t even want to block his number, but he gave me absolutely no choice 🥺 because I simply cannot trust him at all. He’s super damaging to me. He only hurts me and yet, my heart beats so hard and fast for him. It sucks. ❤️‍🩹

The impact and the aftermath has been grueling!! The way I’ve been haunted and the way I felt like a terrible terrible person. I felt like I was the toxic one. I felt like the villain and I’ve almost convinced myself that I’m the emotionally unavailable one. Emotional baggage just seems to trail behind me even when I try to set it down and walk away. I tell myself I don’t miss my exes and that I’m OK that I’m safe without them and I continually convince myself to trust and love my current husband, but it’s been a battle for sure!!!

The way I feel so mentally and physically exhausted all the time like I have no energy to keep going and yet I do keep going. This year alone, there was days where just getting in the shower was a chore for me. 🥴 I even downloaded the self-care pet app where it gave me a list of “things to do” like: brush your teeth, get a shower and take deep breath breaths…. Literally, I used that app for about a month or two before I realized that I was gonna be OK without it that I could manage to get myself up and dressed and taken care of. Jeez.

It’s not something you can explain to people unless they’ve been through what you’ve been through. They literally think you’re just being lazy and they don’t understand why you’re being so lazy all the sudden. So you feel anxious about it and you feel bad about it too. ☹️ People make you feel like you’re not allowed to sit on the couch and rest. Also, I was never like this before. I was the family caretaker in the past and I was living between my parent’s house and my brother’s house, taking care of both houses at the same time!!! I was cleaning both houses and helping to raise my brother’s kids. So, my plate was full and I stayed busy. I didn’t wanna focus on myself, I just wanted to help everyone else. I never just sat and did nothing. I was always up doing dishes, laundry or cooking. To now, I don’t desire to do anything really 😕 and I have to push myself extra hard!! My mom keeps questioning “if I’m okay” and I say “yes” as a natural response plus I believe I AM ok but grr… I am NOT talking about it all with anyone. Leave me alone and don’t ask. 🥺😩

When my ex Cody ghosted me, it was as if he died, but there was no funeral 😨😳 so I imagined his death, but I can’t even say goodbye. There was no opportunity to say goodbye. He’s just gone and even with my ex Andrew, even though he did not ghost me like Cody did, he still left me with more questions than answers!!! so much confusion and no goodbye with him as well. I just had to suddenly block his number because he’s hurting me sooooo much. I’ve had to kill all the dreams that I was planning with Andrew. ❤️‍🩹 I was planning our baby’s name and what it would look like. That sucked for me to give that up!!!!

I’ve been slowly killing the dreams and ideas of who I thought my exes were. I imagined their deaths, and I imagined my own death as well. It’s clear the relationships I had with each of them were very toxic and unhealthy, which has been a hard pill to swallow for me because I felt like all I wanted was to love these two men so much and yet I felt like they hated my guts with a deep passion. 🫣💔 It’s the worst feeling in the world to feel that people hate you so much and yet you love them too much!!!! Even more than your own self!!!!

In order for me to ever love myself, I had to lose both Cody and Andrew because I was always going to put them first sadly. Back then, I thought it was perfectly OK to put someone else above yourself. I thought it was a beautiful love, but turns out they would never do that for me ever!!!!!!! They would always put their own self first and they were happy for me to put them above myself! They like that attention and validation but yet I get no validation in return. I was made to feel crazy for the love that I gave them almost as if I made up the love in my head and it was never real. Those men killed out the version of me that needed to be killed out, but it’s been the most painful thing I’ve ever had to go through. I don’t wish it on anybody else ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[nekkodiaries]

⌖ the 7th shot. ┆ second base. [ 0.7k words + 2 pics. ]

killstrike: oi, i waited for 30 mins for ur stupid ass n u didnt come ://

killstrike: hey .. its been 2 days 😐 this isnt funny r u actually mad at me

killstrike: im sorry for calling u stupid 😕 even tho u kind of are

killstrike: 😕😕😕 its been 5 days since ur last active. are you okay?

jay sighs as he finishes sending the last message. summer break's about to end and the way she's been inactive makes him feel like this little friendship they've made's about to end too. maybe he should have taken heeseung's advice and asked for her number. or any other social media account.

this feels all too repetitive of the last 'incidents' he's had with her. she ghosts him and he gets anxious, staring at the screen until that little button beside her icon turns green, messaging her a couple of times even though he isn't getting a reply back. each message he sends knocking down hard on his pride, but he continues to type away. it almost leaves him upset at how he's actively trying to build a friendship with her, and her not caring enough to update him.

but he shoos his anxious thoughts away, convincing himself that maybe he's overthinking this. that even though she teased and insulted him quite a lot, she'd never completely ghost jay without reason.

just like magic, his phone vibrates. jay sits up from his bed, eyes glued on the little chat box he has with notursniper. she just comes back with a lame "haha hi." without anything else. was she not going to address how she was gone for a week? was she going to dip again?

killstrike: haha hi your face.

jongseong did not mean for his words to come out so 'upset' and pointed, but he actually was.

notursniper: hey 🥺 did you not miss your favorite sniper,, hmph

killstrike: you were gone for a week and you didn't tell me 😐

notursniper: i didn't have a choice !! i sprained my hand and my wrist hurts too much to hold my phone 🥺 can't even game grrRRr.

oh. that's why she was away. he wonders why she keeps getting into little accidents— from catching fever to spraining her hand. so clumsy, this one. he chuckles and puts his phone down briefly, rubbing his palm on his face as it dawns on him just how stupid he was for getting so deep into his mind about her short absence.

notursniper: oh god, you waited for me the day i slipped hhhhHhh I'M SORRY 🥺😭

killstrike: nah it's no big deal. i DID worry bc of ur sudden absence though. not fun. 😐😐😐 killstrike: anyw. do u wanna play now? i haven't duo-ed since u went AWOL on me

notursniper: guess you're gonna go awol on duo for longer because i can't play rn notursniper: i'm lich relly typing w one hand because my wrist hurts like a raging bitch.

his thumbs come to the screen to tell her to take a rest but heeseung's words come to mind. maybe he can ask for her twitter? pubg isn't as fun without her as his partner, plus he wouldn't have to log in everyday just to reply to her. god knows he's only been using the game to talk to her and not to actually game.

he stares at his phone for a while, thumbs slightly trembling at the thought of asking her to talk somewhere else other than the app itself. jay is nervous this would change their dynamics. but is it really that deep? maybe it is. maybe it's not. maybe he's just overthinking this again. but she might think otherwise— maybe she assumes he wants something more than a platonic gamer-friendship with her (which he does) but he doesn't want to outright give up his pride for that. then again, if he doesn't do this, he realizes she might ghost again and he's the one who'll end up having a hard time. so with his toes curled in nervousness, he types out a message.

killstrike: would it be easier to talk on twitter? only if you're comfortable. :)

notursniper: are going to second base rn? 😳😳

killstrike: . loRD. i should not have apologized that day 🧎🏻

notursniper: i'm kidding ! 🤣 give me you're @ and i'll follow you.

killstrike: same as my ign.

notursniper: boo 👎 boring 👎

killstrike: i don't take insults from 9-year olds. now go follow me and let's talk there so you can rest your wrist.

masterlist. ┆ previous. — next.

summary: park jay lives life as a hot-headed gamer by day and.. well.. still a hot-headed gamer by night— except he secretly goes by the name killstrike. after losing a match, he finds himself trash-talking his teammate notursniper, who happens to be the mysterious classmate he's been admiring for over a year and more.

taglist [open] : @yvnjin-s @wondering-out-loud @rikisly @babystrlla @shinrjj @homelycat @annoyingbitch83 @fadedluvv @haerinism

permanent taglist: @duolingofanaccount @enhasengene

[sky-bunnyyy]

Bunny's School regression rambles

My friend's bf snatched my stuffie out of my hand, and blew out the seam a little bit 😕😕

But I think he realized how anxious and upset I got, because his demeanor changed from aggressively playful, to calm and caring immediately. I almost thought he knew I was regressed for a second

[slutypup]

hiii everyone!!! sorry i haven’t been super active and haven’t really been talking to people!! (i’ve been so busy with moving and stuff 😕)

anyways i’m back now!! i really missed being told/forced to do things to make me into a better girl🥰

a lot of times i say i’ll do things and then i don’t because i get anxious that my delusional boy thoughts will make me regret it… sooo i had the idea that if people could pay me through cash app to do things to make me more girly and/or even for them to get off to that it’ll make me actually do it and not back down😁

i would just put my cash-app on this post but i want to make sure i’m doing the right things for the right people who give me money for it. (like if someone sends me money to do something and i don’t see it, or if someone sends me money but then someone else claims they did. idk it’s just easier for my stupid little girl brain hehe ☺️)

so anyways dm me if you want to send me money to do- pretty much anything you want me too!!!

(p.s. don’t worry the money is gonna go to lots of girly things and i’ll be sure to send proof of all of the girly things i get with the money💖💖)

[moonstruckme]

hii babe I hope you're doing absolutely amazing I officially moved and it's been a lot. My body dysmorphia is getting worse and I have no one to talk to in my life (I try and explain and they don't understand and then it turns into an argument it's really draining) 😕 I just need to talk with someone who just listens and doesn't turn my words against me. I need someone to comfort me and hug me I'm seriously so touch starved it hurts (my love language is physical touch like 100% just sitting close to someone makes me happy and I haven't gotten that in awhile 🙁 that's why your writing helps me I've never felt comfort like that from anyone and it hurts I truly feel so alone and idk what to do anymore I've gotten so tired of trying and now with the thoughts in my head are dragging me down. Sorry this is a lot I've just been so overwhelmed. If I said anything triggering I'm so sorry. I didn't want to get into my body dysmorphia it's a lot sorry I just wanted to make sure it was ok before I actually ranted...

-🍓

I'm so sorry that moving has been such a bad experience for you lovely! I think body dysmorphia is one of those things that's really difficult for people who don't experience it to grasp but ofc you deserve sympathy and kind treatment nonetheless. I don't think there's any shame in escaping into fantasy a bit when things are tough like that, I actually recently started going to therapy and when I confessed to my therapist that I sometimes imagine fictional characters comforting me when I'm feeling anxious I was really nervous she was gonna be like "that's a bad coping mechanism and an unhealthy substitute don't do that" (and I'd already resolved not to listen haha) but she actually said that's a coping mechanism she tries to teach people who don't do it naturally, because during those times in our lives where the only person who can comfort us is ourselves that's often the easiest way for people to do it (imagining other people doing it instead). So I didn't mean for that to be preachy, but basically if you need to sort of take some time to console yourself I hope it makes you feel better and I hope you don't try and resist it like I did!

You haven't said anything triggering to me my love, you're welcome to rant here anytime. Wishing you nothing but happiness <3

[n0heart]

Also sorry for TMI,

Hi, hope you are doing well. I hope I am not crossing any of your boundaries by this ask. Please tell me if I am doing so. I am 20 (f). I deal with anxiety and don't know who to share this with. So if you could please help. Please let me know if you don't want to. So my bf and I are in a 6 Yr old relationship but we were never involved physically. A year back he asked me for semi nudes. I wasn't comfortable with it so I declined it. The next day he asked for the same I said I don't want to do it now I am getting anxious. We moved on talking. This happened for a couple of days. Then for the next 3 days every morning he used to ask me if I was comfortable doing it. Then I sat him down and told him I am not at all into it now/ not comfortable with it. So he stopped asking me for it. Though it's been a year I still get anxious over it. He has never asked me for it again and we are still dating. The problem is I feel like he breached that boundary by asking it off me again and again.Its been a year I am not not getting over it or I am able to get closer with him on that level.How do I forget it and be more comfortable with him on physical level.

hey there, you're not crossing any of my boundaries, don't worry.

i don't really have that much experience with relationships because i only had one boyfriend, but i understand the way you're feeling. i'd say the key to any healthy relationship whether that is between friends, family, sexual or romantic partner, is COMMUNICATION.

if you had been open about the way you felt since the very beginning and he still insisted on something you were clearly not comfortable with, then it's not something you should feel guilty about. and not only that but even after asking once and being able to see how uncomfortable you were, he still kept asking.

you don't owe him or ANYONE ELSE anything you're not comfortable with doing or giving, don't ever feel like just because you've been with someone for a certain period of time then you owe them parts of you you DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY.

SAYING NO DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON OR A BAD PARTNER, EVER.

sit with your thoughts and feelings for a bit and consider what you want (or don't want). if you say yes, will it be because HE wants it? or do you want it as well? whatever you do, put yourself and your mental health and boundaries first.

don't do anything you don't want to do if you're not 100% sure. and TALK TO HIM about all of this, try and tell him how uncomfortable he's made you feel.

i remember the anxiety i felt around my ex once i told him i DID NOT enjoy having sex with him, and even though he understood and tried not to pressure me he still insisted from time to time when we were kissing and that's one of the things that made me incredibly uncomfortable whenever he tried to touch me or get "too close".

sit with him, tell him, and if none of that works...maybe he's not the right one for you babes 😕

good luck and don't hesitate to send me another ask if you ever need it (also, if you ever feel comfortable with telling me off anon who you are, i'll gladly dm you and we can talk more ☺️)

[theharrowing]

I can kinda understand the writers’ pov. But sometimes I don’t have the energy or words to give feedback 😕

On another note, I think I get anxious and overthink about saying my thoughts off anon. Especially if it’s nsfw or I think it could annoy the writer. I usually speak on anon. I kinda dislike it because I do want to connect with people more but 😕

i understand so many points!

not having the energy

fear of seeming annoying

wanting to connect more

i sometimes also do not have the energy! and that is perfectly ok. sometimes merely existing can feel overwhelming 💜 and when we use reading as an escape, coming back from the escape to talk to other humans can be a lot.

there are definitely readers who are energetic, and who are a lot, and who sometimes miss some of what i am conveying through my stories (like plots and hints and things) but as long as readers are nice they are never annoying. i get it, though!!!!!!! i worry so much sometimes about being that idiot in the comments sections who annoy writers. especially when they seem so cool and i am just a stupid little babie????????? i completely fucking get it.

maybe, if there is ever an author you wish to connect with more, based on your anon interactions, you can dip your toe into talking to them off anon? nothing big, just simple comments. feel it out and see if you are comfortable and if the two of you click? i know all of my author friends would probably be thrilled to hear from you (and any of their readers.) but only if you feel comfortable. if you do not, then don't sweat it. keep doing what you're doing. 💜💜💜 you can also dm me if you every want to talk about things. my inbox is open and i am very kind!

[otgwbgyu]

ig i should start doing full entries again esp bc school’s starting and ill probably being feeling way worse

in chicago like THE big city today. and for the next couple of days. trying to enjoy vacation but summer reading haunts me everywhere i go. it’s so unfair that we have to do school work during the summer. like i’m not gonna become illiterate over the summer…. chill…. but it’s just something i can’t shake and will always worry abt. like during the game i started listening to the audiobook bc i got so anxious over it 💀 ik it’s kinda on me for not reading earlier but like…. the books r mid NOBODY actually wants to read a how-to on reading 😕😕 i do get random bursts of motivation tho when i fantasize abt being a productive, straight-a honors student with a national merit scholarship like my dad, and i also kinda get competitive with my friends. bad for r relationship but good for my grades and sanity for sure

i kinda snapped yesterday too lmao. like i joined call w sarah and she was being so uninterested and unresponsive while begging others to join call and the minute ava joins she’s all happy and conversing. like damn ok?? u can be closer w others but presenting it like that hurts lmfaoo. after 5 min I left bc i just wasn’t having it tbh. it rlly stung and pissed me off

o yeah i finally finished catcher in the rye OMGG… i honestly dunno how to feel about that book. like i get holden but at the same time i dont?? i can be angsty like him but he’s like my angst on steroids. that guy cant find any enjoyment anywhere he goes and it pisses me off. i may seem grouchy and miserable on here but im more friendly irl. remember this is primarily a VENT acc where all my dark thoughts go, the main ones aka the happy ones stay in my head or get shared with others. and hes so pessimistic, not like MY type of pessimistic where i think everything’s gonna fail or go wrong, pessimistic as in everything sucks and theres nothing to enjoy in life. like omg aren’t u just a bundle of sunshine!

i feel bad bc he is just a kid and has trauma, but that doesn’t give him the right to make others miserable. like humanity sucks yeah but u gotta learn to deal w it man. ur not gonna like everyone and not everyone’s gonna like u, it’s just something u gotta live through bc at the end of the day there’s a good bunch of ppl who do care abt u, and that love, even divided, should matter more to u than the hate others feel towards u. bc why r u concerned abt strangers’ hatred and not your own family and friends’ love? but he’s a teen whose mind is clouded by depression and angst, so i can’t be too harsh. and even i catch myself acting like him so it’d be kinda hypocritical. still think he was an asshole sometimes tho, nothing’s changing that

biden dropped out the race in the middle of a baseball game (minor league) mom and i BOLTED and did r research. the democrats r in flamesss 😓😓 republicans next 🤞🤞 glad biden is out, hated his ass, kamala surely will redeem us 🙏🙏🙏 she’s no saint ofc, she’s a politician, but compared to trump she’s jesus the messiah himself. i’d vote her if i could 🥥🥥🥥