#my BP has never been too high but ever since i started working with them i have lost my patience every day bc of them

[chicchanooliner]

The day I finish working on my thesis would be amazing

I feel it

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

ill have to get to my replies later but i need to update right now

teddy was getting even worse, the meds were horrible to him and he just started to take a dive. he was dead weight, couldn't stand it was devastating to see him trying to pee or do anything really only to just fall. he was confused, scared, couldnt sleep for more than a couple minutes after having literally tried to calm him like a baby. this wasn't your typical sedative, calming med loopiness this was extreme, ive never seen a cat act this way before, let alone while on relaxants. its hard to explain but when you've experienced cats pass before you just know the signs and he was showing them rapidly later in the morning. i had another total breakdown so mom took the reigns and called them and absolutely ripped them apart. they're at fault for this getting worse, for this horrible medication, for not leaving the catheter in for longer like i said i wanted so he wouldnt have to go through that procedure AGAIN, its invasive enough ONCE let alone 2 or 3 times, for not ensuring he could pee on his own before just sending him off carelessly, for not communicating and hyperfocusing on money for issues that arent even an issue night now and could be done later. blockages are difficult to address as is, but the way they went about it made it even worse. the vet told us to get him in right away for the reaction to the new medication, and we were firm that we are NOT paying this is their fault I'm amazed teddy was able to make it through the night, he's so incredibly strong

as much as i dont ever want to go back there im doing everything for him and we raced him there, they're going through all kinds of checks to make sure he's ok and also working on his peeing. he had a wet bowl movement before i got the call, which couldve been from the sudden change to his prescription diet, the new med, the situation or anything, but was so weak he couldnt even stand so it got all over him, i had to wash him off and that seemed to kind of kick him into moving again, not much but a lot more than i had seen all morning after becoming exhausted, almost like it switched him back on to keep fighting.

so far he's doing well his bp is only slightly high due to the stress of being there but hes inflamed which also is making the urine they can push out tinged with blood. they're monitoring him constantly in fact she (this is a different vet from the owner, ive had good experiences with her) said he's being held almost all the time by another staff member, she will be giving him a boost of antibiotics as an injection and a single anti inflammatory since he got his bloodwork done and he doesnt have any kidney or liver issues or anemia/anything else. they offered for me to stay with them there so i can be with him but i needed to get back to my other babies to make sure they dont stress more either, i have to keep them healthy too so im getting updates over the phone. hes eating there hopefully thatll give him a boost of energy because though they can bring him out and walk him around/play hes still very sleepy. he hasnt peed but his bladder isnt full either, i asked why since he was drinking like crazy and she said its likely because he's dribbling tiny amounts almost constantly, his blanket has some small spots (i noticed when he was home his peepee was wet a lot but no full pees) im going to be grabbing him again soon before they close and then taking him back first thing in the morning for her to check his bladder again, if its full and hard again she's putting a catheter in again. she's also giving me a prescription for a bladder relaxer thats non drowsy, but its a gamble what pharmacies have it. we still are firm we are not paying, i'm still so scared because if they DO try to ding us with the bill we will absolutely be out of donations to help, the last bill was $606, on top of that all the gas needed to even get there and back is crushing, and i have no idea what will happen but its not something i can even think about right now

idk how its going to go we're just taking this one step at a time, my anxiety has made me so sick i want this nightmare to be over with and him at home safe and sound.

again thank you all so much for your concerns for my boy, all the help, the donations, the kind words its incredible how many are wishing and working for his recovering ill update again and get to replies as well when i can

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[angelic-writer]

Can You Fix My Broken Heart?

((Hey! I know I should be working on the second chapter of Anything is Worth the Risk, but my brain decided to be mean and come up with this scenario. The plot of this is Jonah decides not to leave the house and get Adam, but his heart might have been through too much...))

Jonah sat in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly as tears streamed down his face. This is it. They did it. The alternate got Adam and he told him to leave. The things he said to him... He can’t take it back now. He said the most horrible thing he could think of. He knew how much Adam wanted to look for her, how he wanted to be reunited with her, despite him knowing the truth. And yet, he threw the fact that she was gone directly in his face, causing him to blow up at him. The words Adam said to him were like poison, rendering his whole body paralyzed. His heart felt like it was being squeezed by a compressor and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking.

He could barely breathe, his lungs refusing to function. He chalked it up to him having an intense emotional reaction to losing his best friend. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was starting to feel a little discomfort in his arms. That was not normal, he thought. He was feeling a cold sweat on his skin and he felt nauseous. He should be running in there. He should be getting Adam out of that basement instead of sitting in the car. Why isn’t he doing that? Why is he acting like a coward now?! He felt useless. Nothing had changed since they started BPS. Adam and Sarah had to do all the hard work while he sat back and watched. He thought he would get braver the more he went on his jobs with Adam, but he hasn’t gotten braver. He was still the same pathetic wimp he was since high school. All those kids were right.

He was about to turn the lever to reverse when he heard the radio crackle to life. And then, a voice he thought he would never hear again.

“Jonah...? You there...?”

He had to do a double take at that. Why is Adam calling him on the radio? After what he said, after what he did, there was no way he could be calling him. Was it the alternate in the house trying to mess with him? Jonah couldn’t think. He tried to think, but it was difficult with this pain in his chest.

“Jonah... Please talk to me... Please let me know you’re there!” Adam shouted.

Well, it did sound like him. And he sounded... scared? Why would he be scared? Adam has little to no fear. He wasn’t scared of anything! Jonah knew him best! Hell, even Evelin knew that! Did the alternate finally break him? What were they planning on doing with him? The thought of that thing hurting him made Jonah want to rush into the house and destroy everything that could serve as a hiding place for them. He couldn’t leave him. Not now. Not ever.

With a trembling hand, he picked up the radio, fingers nearly missing the buttons before he turned it on. “Adam, I-I’m here...” He wheezed. Shit, he could barely get any words out. He needed to calm down. He needed to breathe, but it was getting more and more difficult.

“Jonah, are you okay?! You sound a little-”

“Don’t worry about me. What are you seeing right now?”

“I-I see a TV... It’s asking me if I understood something... I don’t think I want to understand.”

“Adam, I need you to listen to me. I need you to get out of that basement right now. If it is what I think it is, then you’re in great danger.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I need to leave. I don’t like this at all.”

Jonah barely breathed a sigh of relief. Good. He’s still here. “Okay, i-is the door locked?”

He could hear shuffling footsteps go up the basement stairs before he heard the doorknob turning. “I-It’s unlocked... Why would it be...?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just come outside. I really want to see you.” That came out a bit more desperate than he meant it to, but the pain was beginning to get unbearable now. He put his hand to his chest to try and massage it, but that only made the pain worse. He can’t let Adam see him like this. He already had to deal with being tormented by an alternate. He can’t have another incident happen right after. He just needs to stay awake.

Through his blurry vision, he could see Adam exit the house, radio in hand. He would’ve sobbed with joy if he wasn’t on the verge of losing consciousness. He tried his best to act normal and wave to him, signalling him to get in the car. Adam gave him a look of concern as he approached.

“Here. Let me drive. You don’t look so hot.”

“Hey, I’m fine. I’m just...”

“Just give me the steering wheel, Jonah."

He hesitantly got out of the car on shaky legs and almost stumbled to the passenger seat. Adam was about to ask him if he was okay, but Jonah just flashed him a small, albeit pained smile. He was sweating bullets now despite the cold weather. Now feeling uncertain, Adam drove away from the house, unaware of the hooded figure smiling at them through the window.

----------

As Adam drove down the road, hoping to see a sign that says “Leaving Mandela County”, he could see that Jonah’s condition was getting worse. He was wheezing audibly and he was grabbing at his chest. “Dude, are you okay?! A-Are you having a heart attack?! Do I need to call Sarah?!”

“No! Y-You don’t have to! I-I’m fine.”

“Jonah, you’re not fine! You’re grabbing at your fucking chest! You need medical help!”

“Adam, y-you know a hospital i-is not an option. Remember, w-we’re on the run.”

“Shit, just don’t talk, okay?! I’m gonna get you to a place where you can rest. Hopefully, I can find a doctor that can help you. God, I’m so stupid! I shouldn’t have went back in! This is all my fault! I shouldn’t have-”

Jonah touched his arm and weakly squeezed it, giving him his attempt at a comforting smile. “Hey, d-don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault... The alternates are s-smart bastards... T-They almost got us, but luckily... W-We’re gonna get out of here soon...” His eyes started to flutter. “Whoa... T-The lights look so pretty... They’re just like stars...”

“Jonah, just keep your eyes open! We’re almost there! Just hold on!”

“Adam.... I-In case I don’t wake up from this.... I want to let you know that I...... I-I love you.....”

That was the last thing Jonah said before he slumped over, hand falling limp in his lap.

“Jonah!!!” Adam slammed on the brakes and shook him. He remained motionless and he noticed that his chest wasn’t rising. He put his fingers to his neck, desperately looking for a pulse. He felt his own heartbeat speed up when he couldn’t find his at all. “Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!!” He was already opening the driver’s side door and getting out, running to the other side as quickly as possible. He opened the door and dragged Jonah out, trying to ignore how heavy he was. Lying him flat on the ground, he tried to take deep breaths. His dark skin was already turning ash grey and his lips were worryingly turning blue. Oh god, what do I do?! Okay, calm down, Adam. Remember what Sarah taught you. You can do this.

He put his hands on Jonah’s chest and started pumping. He didn’t know how deep he was supposed to go, but he thinks he’s pressing down deep enough for his heart to be compressed. His body shook slightly from the rapid compressions, but he didn’t respond. Of course, he didn’t expect Jonah to. This isn’t a movie. After he counted in his head thirty times, he tilted his head back and pinched his nose. He had to swallow before pressing his lips to his and blowing air into his lungs. His chest expanded, telling him that he did good. He repeated the cycle of thirty compressions and two breaths for a few minutes. Jonah still didn’t respond. His head fell to the side as Adam continued to press down.

“C’mon, Jonah. You gotta wake up. You gotta breathe. C’mon!” He muttered. He was already starting to feel the exhaustion, but he can’t stop. If he did, Jonah was as good as dead.

He could hear crackling static from somewhere. Then, a voice spoke from the car.

“You killed him, Adam.”

“Oh god...”

“What will you do without him?”

“Shut up...”

“His blood is on your hands.”

“Leave him, Adam. He’s already dead. You can’t save him now.”

“You’re already being punished for resisting our message.”

“Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes.”

“SHUT UP!! He’s not dead!! I’ll bring him back!! I will!!” He continued CPR for another few minutes with no luck. Jonah laid still in the snow with a peaceful expression on his face. That peaceful, cute expression that Adam would see when he would wake him up in the morning.

“C’mon, please... Don’t do this to me, Jonah... Please...” He knew compressions alone wasn’t working. He knew his heart had entered a dangerous rhythm, so he needed something to jumpstart it. He didn’t have a defibrillator with him so he had to make due with what he got. He raised his fist high in the air, aiming for the center of his chest and slammed it down, causing Jonah’s body to jolt slightly from the force. He did this a few more times, hoping that his chest blows would be enough. He checked his pulse again. Nothing.

As he continued, he thought back to simpler times with him, Jonah and Evelin. The three of them were practically inseparable. It always had been ever since high school. Despite him being the third wheel while Adam and Evelin went on their dates, their friendship always remained strong. He would always tease them and act like a child when their parents showed affection whenever they showed their young love. After the creation of BPS, Adam and Evelin’s relationship started to grow strained. Jonah always made sure to be the mediator whenever he and Eve had their problems. He didn’t know why he stayed with him when he pretty much was in the wrong for everything.

He and Sarah were the only people he had left after Evelin left. He wanted to be better for them. He wanted them to know that he had changed. What he said to Jonah was absolutely inexcusable and he didn’t know why he stayed. He guessed it was probably God or something else trying to mess with him. Jonah basically dropping dead in front of him was just twisting the knife in even deeper.

He wouldn’t admit it to him, but despite Jonah annoying him, his voice always seemed to calm him down. He was actually looking forward to getting pizza with him after all of this was over. The way he smiled at him, the way he attempts to make him laugh with his jokes even at the most inopportune times, and the way he holds his hand whenever he’s in a silent mood... He liked that about him. It always made his chest feel warm. He wanted to keep him here so he could feel that same warm feeling.

Even though the body beneath him was cooling, he continued to make his heart beat for him. All while the voice from the GPS continued to mock him. This torture, this madness... They were trying to break Adam’s resolve, trying to force him to give up and leave Jonah for dead. But he won’t let them get to him. He won’t let them win. He’ll keep the blood pumping and keep Jonah’s brain alive. He’ll keep his best friend, no, he’ll keep the person he loves alive, no matter the circumstances.

Finally, after another agonizing minute of trying to revive him, Jonah took a sharp breath and began coughing. His heart leapt with joy as Adam immediately turned him onto his side and rubbed his back. Jonah was heaving, struggling to get his failing lungs to work.

“Hey, Jonah, it’s okay. You’re okay, just breathe.” It all came out in one breath as the exhaustion hit him full force. His hands were like pins and needles and his own heart was racing. Even though it should be impossible for him to restart his heart on his own, he actually did it. He brought him back. He turned back to the car, smirking at the GPS. “Heh, how do you like that?”

Jonah vomited on the pavement, the contents from his stomach spilling out onto the snow. Adam continued to rub his back, whispering comforting words to him. Eventually, his breathing gradually grew normal. Adam held him in his arms, hoping to warm his body back up. That road was really cold. It was not good for someone who almost died of a heart attack. No, that couldn’t be right. Jonah was healthy. He couldn’t have possibly-

He took in a sharp breath. The stress from the past three days... The argument...

“Oh god... Jonah, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize...” He stroked his hair, hoping his words would reach him. He kissed his forehead and lifted him up, legs trembling. As he carried him back to the car, he saw the snow beginning to fall.

[fluorescentpipedream]

Updated a few of my characters’ pictures last night when I was having an ADHD moment while playing WoW. 

So...

Daryl “Mason” Knox - This version of Daryl is part of our Zombie storyline (the premise of which I barely remember) and currently in the mountains above Colorado. He is a survivalist already, tanner, taxidermist and wicked good shot and when the virus began circulating, he packed up his pickup truck and headed as far into the mountains as he could. He had been in Tennessee for a little while but left there when the area started to fall as well, moving around a lot for a while before settling high in the mountains where it’s coldest, realizing the undead have a hard time moving through the snow and it seems to make their bodies more brittle. He stumbles upon Ryki and Kristy’s group (shortly after they get Mikael back from the roaming motorcycle gang (see Widower/Simon). Daryl was under the assumption that most of his family had died when the virus first took hold and started using his middle name, Mason, instead of his last name. 

Daryl Knox - Daryl is the survivalist of the Knox men, the youngest but the one who has his fingers the most in the various family businesses and also the one who discovers that a good portion of the Knox family land that backs the Blue Ridge Mountain range actually belonged to the Cherokee tribe and gives it back to them, only asking if they can continue to use the land as the hunting area he currently has it set up as. Daryl and his brothers also took a portion of the money made from the Knox Lodge (a small series of cabins built closest to the Chattahoochee National Park people can rent and go fishing and hunting for deer, quail and even armadillos) and give it back to the slave families that their great great grandfather had working for them. Daryl is quieter than the rest of his brothers, sticking to living away from nearly everyone and only coming down from the mountains when he is dropping off supplies at the Knox Family General Store in Jasper, Georgia where the family is primarily from. The general store is very rustic looking, with the old fashioned candy jars behind the counter and a small restaurant in the back where the family sells their homemade pies. (They also sell locally made and sourced jellies and jams, as well as jerky and unique gifts. Think trading post for the interior) A skilled taxidermist, Daryl has a special he runs through the Lodge that if you shoot it, he’ll stuff it (for a fee of course). 

Schyler Lewis - A former Scorpion and currently a Slayer in Los Angeles, Schyler is quiet but loving and loyal. He’s also one hell of a shot with pretty much anything, though he prefers knives over everything. He has a deep respect for RJ Jamison, as well as the former leader, BP and keeps a protective/big brother kind of watch on Queenie. He and Simon are pretty good friends, he often tries to keep an eye on the older man to keep him from going crazy.

Trevor Phillips (nothing changed, just both versions of him are going to use the same picture)

Simon Knox - Simon is the middle Knox brother, only a few years older than Daryl though he’s not particularly close to most of his family anymore. He and Jericho had once been vying for the same girl’s attention, but when he was sent to prison for a bar fight/blackout he missed the chance to be with her, even though he does very much still love her. When Simon was released from prison, Jericho gave him the chance to come home and get back on his feet again (the courts and mental health professionals released him on account of him having absolutely no memory of the bar fight other than some kid pushing him too hard and spitting on him. His anger flared up and he didn’t remember anything that had happened after that point. It wasn’t until an officer hit him on the back of the head did he come around again) and while he’s there, he and Maggie ended up in bed together after he told her what had happened. He had a ring and had been going out with a few friends the night before coming to see her. He is actually Ryder’s father, and Jericho does know. Following Ryder’s first outburst and slamming his head into the wall, tearing a stuffed animal and general unprovoked rage, Jericho had come to bed with a few scratches on his arms and gently kissed Maggie’s forehead, not coming right out and saying anything about the possibility but just telling her that whatever thing that’s weighing on her heart right now, it’s okay and he forgives her.  (Ryder has similar violent outbursts like his father, though recognizing it as was what going on with Simon, Jericho instead got his son therapy to deal with the outbursts as well as getting him involved in boxing.)

Following Ryder’s birth (and Simon getting to hold his son), Simon leaves and joins the Outlaw motorcycle gang though moves around a lot after that, winding up “settling” with Haven for a while before finally establishing a place with the Scorpions. He made quick friends with Schyler, despite a several year age gap, and when the Scorpions were assimilated into the Slayers in LA, he stayed on with them. He is prone to blackouts and violent outbursts and unfortunately does not possess much in the way of empathy toward nearly anyone. He does very much like children, and wouldn’t mind finally getting to have a family of his own. He is pansexual and it doesn’t seem to matter to him who he’s with, as long as they’re over a certain age. He’s not overly thrilled with the relationship RJ has with Jamie but she’s safe and not in any danger so he doesn’t say much about it either way. He and Floki of the Vikings have rolled around a few times, but generally speaking he is still very much in love with Maggie. Part of the reason he stays away from his family is because of how Jericho has been treating his “dying” wife. (Jericho is having an affair with a younger nurse/friend of his daughter Lorelei, while his wife is presumed to be dying from stage 4 cancer. She does make a rather miraculous recovery though, leaving him and going out to the man who has always loved her) 

Simon has some seriously reckless traits and has actually had to be sedated by members of his own gang because his anger will flare up and he goes berserk. He has NO control over his actions whenever he blacks out either. Following BP and his wife’s untimely death, Simon is taken by the Slayers along with several others and thrown into the Pit, basically an abandoned warehouse near the docks that has been hollowed out and made into a fight arena. Because of his anger issues there’s a few that believe he could have been pushed to a breaking point and lashed out, though BP never pushed his buttons and he has no desire to take the gang over. When Rollo and a handful of the Vikings reveal themselves as the masterminds (and hired by Marcone to do the deed), Simon is the one who takes an axe off of Floki’s hip, throwing it into the back of Rollo’s head before kneeling down in front of Queenie and telling her he’s always been loyal to BP and subsequently, to her.

Widower (Simon Knox) - This version of Simon is for our zombie alt world and currently in Tennessee with the Savior gang run by a Negan type. In this world, Simon was able to remarry Maggie and the two of them were living quiet happily, considering starting their family when her cancer makes a return and is incredible aggressive. As the virus starts to spread through Atlanta and they begin seeing how it eats away at the host’s body only to reanimate them, Maggie begs Simon to shoot her so she doesn’t have to suffer through her cancer and the possibility of getting the virus. At first he refuses to do it but after the hospitals shut down due to too many people contracting the virus, he takes her up to one his brother’s hunting cabins and shoots her, burying her in the backyard. He had attempted to shoot himself as well but the gun jammed and he ended up throwing it into the river instead. After Atlanta falls and the zombie virus appears to be spreading through the small towns, taking the Knox family out as far as he can tell. He and Daryl were traveling together for a little while but were separated and Simon lost track of his little brother. Assuming that his family is dead (since there’s no trace of any of them and the communications network was the first thing to go down) he gets on the back of his motorcycle and leaves. He first meets Morgan (Negan) and his group, Haven, when they stumble upon one another trying to refuel and get supplies. Simon is unhinged and no longer even trying to hide his homicidal side, since no one is there to hold him back any longer he’s completely off his rocker. He initially told Morgan and the rest to call him Widower, as he didn’t even want to link himself to the man he used to be. If the virus is ever contained, he isn’t sure there’s going to be much of a world left for him. 

Widower, Morgan and I think there’s an NPC version of Schyler with them as well find 5 yr old Mikael after the little boy panicked and ran from his aunt and uncle’s convoy during one of the zombie attacks. Morgan grabbed the boy as he was crying by the back of his jacket and puts him onto his motorcycle leading Kristy and Ryki and their group to give chase to get him back. Morgan had a son once and may have done this in order to protect him, not initially seeing the small group of survivors on the road. Widower takes over kind of protecting the little boy when their group stops at an old warehouse they use as a base. 

Morgan Caldwell - I haven’t actually decided if I’m going to make Morgan but he is Sam Caldwell’s older brother and Martin & Lynn’s uncle. He is the leader of the Haven motorcycle gang which moves around a lot and Simon was part of for a while. He is incredibly disappointed in how his little brother acts and very much wants to meet his estranged niece and nephew. 

Morgan “Negan” Caldwell - The zombie-verse version of Morgan, I know little about the man other than Widower is his right hand man and fiercely loyal to him. He genuinely seems to be concerned for Mikael and after meeting Kristy and finding out she’s pregnant while going through the virus, he may offer their services to them, as protection (or he may try to keep Kristy with him and his group masking using the air of wanting to protect her until she gives birth) There’s a lot of ways this guy can go. He isn’t particularly trustworthy, and has said one thing only to do the direct opposite of that less than a few minutes later. 

Kevin Reynolds - the oldest Reynolds brother and also the only one that’s biological to the Reynolds family. Kevin was 10 when Matt was adopted and 12 when Vartan came to live with them as well. The family typically fosters children, and seeks to give them a better life than the one they had. Kevin is currently in his later 40s, and lives in Chicago where he owns an old-fashioned record store (with actual records on the upstairs level) called Empire Records, or just The Empire by his teen/20-something staff. Kevin is gay and actually just lost his husband Jimmy to AIDS. Jimmy was the drummer for his brothers’ band Silex, and actually younger than Kevin was as well. He is currently having issues with depression following the loss of the only love in his life (up til now, obviously), though he actually has clinical depression as well. He and Matt absolutely cannot stand one another, mostly due to Matt’s homophobia, though Kevin has always been out so he’s not sure exactly where that stems from. He and Vartan are close, despite the 12 year age gap. Empire Records is a somewhat failing business, though is eventually brought under the wing of Revolver Records for its vintage, throwback to the late 80s/90s music scene and often becomes the site of the Revolver bands’ signings, which boosts their sales quite a bit too. 

Ryder Knox is getting a new picture, I just need to figure out who he actually looks like, taking his dad into a bit more consideration right now. The Knox men also all have a very distinct smile, so gotta find someone that fits. I’m stuck between these two: 

Ryder is 22 years old and lives in an apartment on his own which he pays for by an OnlyFans account. With close to 1000 subscribers, he makes money selling pictures of anything from his feet to being shirtless (sometimes in his underwear) on parts of the Knox farmland. Very gay but not very out about it. 

@musesnotebook​

[vtforpedro]

LONG POST, medical update. ptsd, suicide TW: I’m really tired. I feel like I’ve been saying that for a year but I am exhausted. mind, body and soul exhausted my head got better after I lost the water weight my chemo pill was packing on (I was 15lbs lighter than the three weeks previously. so it was pretty bad lol) but now it’s getting bad again. it never gets to the point of relief, but it gets manageable and now it’s becoming unmanageable again. it’s not water weight but it might be cause I’ve put on a couple pounds over the holidays (just barely a couple pounds, I’m eating much lighter in general) anyway I don’t see the point of being scared to name what it is my neurosurgeon and I believe this is anymore. my psychiatrist thinks it makes sense, my pcp, even the ER doctor I saw on dec. 2nd lol but I am 99.9% sure this is what I have and it does makes sense but every fucking time I think about it for a while it makes me so angry. so so so angry y’all. I wish I could sit every single medical professional I interacted with over the last year or so who didn’t believe me and tell them it’s all been real, they failed me to such a degree I have ptsd and anger problems that I’m going to need therapy for, and tell them to learn how to be better providers. blegh so I saw my neurosurgeon (one of the best in the country) for the first time in april. his thoughts? anxiety with muscle tension in my back and neck that led to tension in my head. as in the muscles around my bones, not inside of my skull. didn’t listen to me or believe me, thought all my crazy symptoms were just anxiety and possibly the chiari malformation but there’s no treatment for that beyond surgery and mine is so mild no one wants to go that route (me most of all lmao) I put off seeing him again because I saw different neurologists and my PCP over the months who basically all said the same thing. like my PCP believed me and gave me referrals to the neuros, but one told me to ‘stop worrying about this and just enjoy life’ and the other sat with me for an hour, the first half of which she was all on board the ‘anxiety is fucking with you, none of this is real’ train until I had to tell her to LISTEN TO MY SYMPTOMS firmly enough that she did. she went the opposite way then and said yeah ok something ‘mechanical’ is happening, you need to go back to a neurosurgeon. turned out she loves the neurosurgeon I saw in april (worship the ground he walks on, were her words) but told me maybe I still needed a second opinion. she did also mention that I’ve been living with this for so long that I’m ‘married to it now’ which still implies I’m making it worse than it actually is but :) whatever, she couldn’t think of what it could be decided to just go back to that neurosurgeon and tell him the physical therapy he prescribed in april I had to stop because it made things worse. his PA tried to prescribe me more PT on the phone before I firmly told her I needed to SPEAK with him face to face because my quality of life is gone, because I get close to killing myself weekly because of how bad this is and nothing has improved since april. only gotten worse. so I had my appt with him in late October I think? I explained all of my symptoms (again) and told him how nothing has changed, things have gotten worse, when I do x y z I have an episode, etc etc. he said he still doesn’t think it’s the chiari but he said it *might* be IIH idiopathic intracranial hypertension first time I’ve ever heard of it and even though it was over 11 months into this, it might just save my life now that I have idiopathic = we don’t fucking know why this happens, intracranial = HAPPENING IN MY SKULL AND BRAIN, hypertension = technically high blood pressure, but for here just high pressure cause my BP is good it is rare, it is unknown why people get it and why others don’t, it is most common in women of child bearing age who are obese. the thought is that the weight on the body causes the brain to very slightly inflate, decreasing spinal fluid flow and increasing pressure in the brain, sometimes CAUSING a chiari malformation to appear, which can cause other symptoms on top of IIH it used to be called pseudotumor cerebri because IIH makes the brain behave like it has a tumor while no tumor is actually present (which means normal MRI/CT scans and the main reason everyone told me I was faking it) I gained 80lbs in less than two years due to severe depression and ptsd. I’ve been at the same weight for almost two years now and was at that weight in Feb 2019 before things started happening in Dec 2019. sometimes it does just come on one day. it can be chronic, it can randomly go into remission and come back, and they have no idea why it even happens. it’s rare enough that no neurologist I saw could even think of it. rare enough that one of the best neurosurgeons in the country didn’t think of it until he decided he believed me lol he leans even more heavily into this because I gained weight so quickly (one of the hallmarks of getting IIH) and I had not a single symptom like it before the weight gain I don’t trust anything or anyone right now and I am extremely pessimistic and have no hope. but the one thing that’s given me a little hope, that’s made me believe this is what I have, is the fucking wikipedia page on IIH. it lists one specific symptom that I’ve seen nowhere else (and is EXTREMELY specific lmao) that I have and that everyone thought I was crazy explaining. beyond destroying your quality of life, the one thing IIH can do is cause permanent blindness. I’ve had a fuck ton of problems with my vision since this all started happening. one of the worst is that if I’m in the middle of an episode and I look up or to the left, it makes it h u r t and makes the episode worse. which is on the wikipedia page! which explains why I couldn’t fucking do EMDR therapy which involves rapid eye movement from side to side :) :) :) even my therapist was thinking this was all in my head and I was just letting my anxiety tell me EMDR would send my head into an episode instead of it actually happening lmaaaao god I am so angry y’all my mom and my uncle The Doctor wanted to commit me in March/April. I had an entire ER nurses station mock me for ten minutes for coming in repeatedly and having bizarre symptoms that, because they were unexplained, they thought I was faking. they belittled me when talking to me. one put the tv remote (no tv in the room) instead of the call button in my hand when I was too out of it to notice. the ER doctor that day told me I was making up a story, none of this was real, and to continue seeing my psychiatrist. I went home that day, told my mom I was fine for her to go back to work (she was angry with me and wanted me to go to a psychiatric hospital), took a shower and planned on swallowing a bottle of pills. I was in agony, utter agony, every single day multiple times a day I thought I was going to die, and it was being made clear to me that no one, not even my mom, believed me. I told my best friend and she talked me out of it, but I came very close and I will forever be heartbroken and angry beyond belief about this (my mom came around not long after this after seeing that this wasn’t going away and has thoroughly apologized for wanting to commit me. she has been helping me every single day since this started even tho she thought it was anxiety. I’m angry but I don’t hold it against her, not after the incredible sacrifices she’s made for me for a year) so yeah. every bizarre symptom, every agonizing thing I go through, the weird discomfort, pain and burning, vision problems, etc etc, all explained by IIH. the very specific ‘looking in a certain direction makes it worse’ has been there since day one. it’s because pressure has increased on the nerve behind my eyes so looking in a certain way aggravates the affected nerve further gaining all that water weight and having my head get so so so severe, enough to send me to the ER again, made me also think this was a real possibility and the ER doc agreed that the fluid retention was making pressure in my brain even more severe and it did ease quite a lot once that was all gone, another reason I believe this is IIH if you read up on IIH or read stories by people with it, it is life altering, debilitating, and agonizing to live with. most people will also have the same story of doctors not believing them and saying it was anxiety before getting this diagnosis the good thing? there’s a cure and while some people may need additional help later on, it works for most people. and it is, very simply, losing weight. 10-20% of body weight (some places say relief can start at just 3%) seems to completely cure it for most people because the brain is no longer inflated and because of that, any chiari malformation (cerebral tonsils sitting in the spinal cord opening) will actually go away, because it makes room in the skull for the tonsils to go back to their normal place I have some trouble knowing that I am partially at fault for gaining weight like I did, but my mom keeps telling me it’s so rare and how could I have possibly known and it was after severe trauma so. trying to deal with that too lol but yeah! weight loss journey. my chemo pill, if you read my last update, completely fucked me up for a while (including the fuckin weight gain despite a low calorie, low fat diet since like nov 1st) so it’s made it hard to lose weight. but now that I’m off of that pill, I’m down 7lbs and I will continue to lose. I have never been more motivated in my life to lose weight lmao and I’ve successfully done it before! I can’t exercise but my neurosurgeon said as the weight comes off and my symptoms start getting better, I will probably be able to incorporate more movement in my life. I can’t even walk around my apt for too long right now cause it builds pressure in my brain. it fucking sucks because this is something they don’t understand, it’s really only diagnosed if everything else has been ruled out (and with a lumbar puncture, but I am too fucking traumatized to have that done. but if I showed high pressure with no reason for it, it would be an ‘official’ IIH diagnosis). but I’m choosing not to do the LP because if I start to have my symptoms relieved as I lose weight, it’s pretty obvious that’s what this has been from the start my brain thinks it has a brain tumor and is going absolutely batshit insane and no matter how much I tried to get people to believe me, it took 11 months to get there. I will carry this with me for the rest of my life and once covid eases, I’m finding a good trauma therapist and working through this if my symptoms DON’T ease, we’ll talk brain surgery. but I think this is what I have and I think I’ll be okay when I lose enough weight (and I’ll feel better all around lol) anyway I’ve had an extremely bad couple of months and I wanted to get this off my chest, sorry it’s so long. if you can please, please, please cross your fingers for me and wish me luck that this is what it is and that over the next handful of months I lose the weight and get my life back, I will appreciate it more than I can say I’m going to thank all of you ahead of time because I lack spoons to reply right now and I also want to thank you all for your support over this last year and never doubting me. for always offering me words of encouragement and for being angry on my behalf. thank you thank you thank you I love you all <3

[all1e23]

Code Date Night [One-Shot]

Summary: Sparks ruin date night. 

Warnings:  A little bit of angst. Lots of fluff. Sweet, protective Bucky.  

A/N:   A new Astrophile drabble! YAY!  As a warning, Bucky is injured on the job in case that’s a trigger for anyone. No death. There is a bit of angst, but it’s still Astrophile fluff. It takes place roughly 5/6 years after the epilogue. Write me a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me if you like it. If you have not read the series Astrophile, THERE WLL BE MAJOR SPOILERS.  

Catch up on the series here!

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!*

Bucky leans forward in the back of the truck, adjusting his boots. His feet are killing him, and he just wants to be off this damn job. The love he has for his career and his brother runs deep, but he’s so ready to get home and see his wife. That is something he never thought he would say. He’s always loved work more than most things in his life, but here he is desperate to get back to the station so he can see his girl. He settles in next to Steve and continues to hum the same tune he has been humming for the last several turns. He pulls his hair into a tight bun at the base of his neck and continues humming. In just under eight hours, his shift will be over, and he will be holding his sweet Beck.

The tune repeats once more from the start, and the moment it finishes, Bucky glances at the men around him. 

“Okay, what’s it from?” 

Steve leans his head back against his seat and fires off a guess without any real pause to consider the melody. “Flintstones?” 

Clint tears his eyes from the road for a split second and sets Sam with a flat look. “Flinstones? What the hell? Sam, you need to sit down and teach your husband a thing or two.” 

Sam chuckles and sends a Steve wink who promptly blushes at the gesture.

“It’s Happy Days.” Sam glances at Bucky for conformation. “Right? Happy Days?” 

Bucky chuckles and leans forward to give him a high five. Same dumb game every shift. They have to do something to pass the time when things are less than exciting, and it never fails to end the same way. Steve never guesses right, Clint makes fun of him, and Sam wins.

“Yeah, it’s been stuck in my head since yesterday morning. It’s on all night on that rerun channel, and the twins have decided four in the morning’ means it’s time to get up.” 

“Let’s be real. You get up that early, or is Y/n getting up?” Sam asks with a snort, disbelief, and humor filling his words. 

“Screw off. I’m gettin’ up. I get up every time my babies cry, punk. What about you? You get up with Stevie over here?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. This happens every shift. Every damn day. “Of course, Sam wakes up when I do, Buck.” 

“Damn right, but we are kind of passed that stage, dumbass.” Bucky lurches forward and knocks his helmet off his head. Sam whips his gloves into the backseat catching Bucky on the side of his head. Bucky jumps ahead, but Steve grabs him by the back of the jacket and jerks him back into his seat.

“Hey, guys…” Clint shouts over their scuffle. “As fun as this round was, we got a real problem coming up on the right.” 

Steve leans forward to see a thick cloud of black smoke rolling out of the windows of a small four-story apartment building. The bronzed painted wood paneling on the outside of the broken windows is quickly turning black from the flames burning through the wood framing. Steve sits back and gives Sam an order before slipping his helmet on.  

“Call it in. I’ve got a feeling this one is going to be ugly.” 

By the time the truck came to a stop, the windows on the fourth floor had shattered. Bucky and Sam rushed in to pull out as many people as they could. The bottom two floors were cleared, the tenants could feel the heat before it ever reached them. Even with his gear, Bucky could feel it. Sam took the third floor, and Bucky ventured up to the fourth, pulling out a woman in her late forties who was trapped in her bedroom thanks to a fallen beam.

Steve waited for their all-clear before he breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was out, and they could focus on putting the fire out, not carrying out bodies. 

Steve made eye contact with Sam and shouted over the noise surrounding them, “Get that redline in here! We can get it under control before it spreads any further.”  

The woman Bucky had pulled out of the flame is sitting on a stretcher, fighting against the EMTs and clawing to get to Bucky. She kept shouting about going back in, and Bucky tried five or six times to tell her there was no way anyone could go back in now until they got the flames under control.  

“I don’t know what you’re saying with that mask on! My kitty is in there!" 

Bucky yanks his breath mask off in frustration and tosses to Clint standing nearby. He is not in the mood. He’s already running late for date night, and all he wants to do is get a shower, eat some damn pasta, and make love to his wife on the one night his kids spend at Aunt Natasha’s. 

Now he’s got to deal with a fire that the Gods had to dump in their laps.

As much as he would love to save this woman’s cat. They can’t go back in. All they can do now is put out the remaining flames and go in once it was safe. 

"Ma'am, I understand but–" 

"Mom?!" 

The unit looks up and sees a little girl about nine standing on the fire escape, and the woman’s voice catches Bucky’s ear. "I told you! My kitty! She was hiding in one of the cupboards!" 

"Shit.” Steve steps back from the truck. “Get the ladder!“ 

There isn’t enough time. Bucky shakes his head and makes a run for the fire escape on the side of the building. He Jerks the rickety metal ladder down and starts to climb up to meet the little girl. She is frozen from fear, and he wouldn’t leave her up there all alone and scared like that. He can hear Steve ordering him to back off, but he can’t. What if it was Orion? Or his sweet little Cassie trapped up there? He can’t just stand on the ground and watch. 

"Buck! Watch out for the–" 

——–

“He climbed up the fire escape to help the nine-year-old girl down before the building collapsed. The heat had cracked the window she climbed out of, so he covered her with his jacket before moving her to a safer floor. Flashover shattered the window, and that’s when he got the burn to his left shoulder and upper arm. There was a lot of smoke covering them for a good minute. Not sure how much he took in.” 

“Okay,” the emergency room doctor sighs and glances up at Steve. “We’ve got it from here. We can notify his family if you don’t–” 

“No.” Steve’s voice cuts through the room, and he attempts to soften it. “I’ll call. We are family– I’ll handle it. He’s in my company.” 

The doctor nods. He understands. He deals with injured emergency servicemen and women more than he would like, so he understands Steve wants to be the one to make the call. They are a family in the way none of the hospital staff could understand. He leaves Steve to make the call and makes his way back to where Bucky is fighting against the heavy sedation they pumped into him. Steve doesn’t waste another second and heads for the elevator, but Sam catches his wrist before he can get far and pulls him back just a step or two. 

"Where are you going?” His voice is soft and warm. He’s speaking as a husband, not a member of Steve’s company.

Steve gives his partner’s hand a squeeze and pulls his arm free of the shorter man’s grip. “It’s Tuesday. That’s their date night. I’m not going to call her in the middle of the restaurant and tell her what happened. It’s not far from here. I’ll tell her in person.” 

Sam doesn’t try to argue with him; just simply nods. Once Steve’s made up his mind about something, there is no changing it. He watches Steve go and then turns his attention back to Bucky, watching through the glass wall that separated them. 

"BP is good. His vitals are stable despite the injuries and smoke inhalation.”

The words coming from the blond nurse on Bucky’s right sound far away and almost muffled. As if his head was underwater, or the way Leo sounds from under his Spider-Man mask. For some reason, Bucky can’t work out, she continues trying to talk to him despite his drowning. The white lights flashing over his eyes make him wince, and his eyes focus on the room around him. He quickly recognizes where he is. He’s in the hospital, and that means… No, this isn’t good. Bucky has to get up and get out of this bed right now.

He has somewhere to be and someone he can’t let down. He can’t let her down like this.

Bucky groans and tugs at the tubes in his nose as he struggles to sit up. His left arm burns, but he ignores it. There is a pinch every time he tries to move his shoulder to pull out the IV. It doesn’t matter. He has somewhere to be. A gentle hand lands on his chest, “Lieutenant Barnes. You have to sit back for me and keep that in your nose. We need you breathing clean air.”

With the weight of the hand and whatever medication they gave him, he is too weak to push back against their gentle urging. Bucky falls back against the bed, but he continues to try to pull the sheets off his leg to climb out of the cold hard bed – nothing like his bed at home, it’s warm and soft and filled with the people he loves most. He wants his bed, not this sad excuse for one. 

“You don’t understand. I got a date– My wife–”

“We can call your wife and let her know. I’m sure she will understand. You can go on your date another night.” The kind-looking nurse on his life cuts in.

Bucky shakes his head rather quickly, making his head spin and tugs at the plastic tube in his nose again. He can feel his chest tightening at the thought of Y/n, his Beck, sitting alone waiting for him to show up. He needs to make sure she is okay.

“No, you don’t understand. My wife wrote it on the calendar. We have a calendar in our kitchen and, and she wrote it down for tonight. She– she wrote in pen, okay? I can’t not show up. I can’t.”

“Mr. Barnes–”

“I promised my wife I wouldn’t–” He takes a deep breath and repeats, forcing his panic down. “She wrote it in pen.”

——–

Y/n glances at her watch once more and drums her fingers along the stem of her wine glass. She’s not nervous. Bucky is only forty-five minutes late. The large glass door at the front of the dark restaurant swings open, she sits up straighter, and a small smile starts to curl up the corners of her mouth until she realizes it’s no one she knows. It’s certainly not the man she’s eagerly waiting on. She huffs out a breath and slouches back down in her seat, grabbing her phone to check for any missed texts – not that there will be, that phone hasn’t left her hand all night. 

She takes a picture of her nearly empty glass of pinot noir and sends it to Bucky with a small warning following the image, I’m on my second glass. If you don’t get here soon, I might have to find someone else to take me home. They both know she would never, but they tease each other and the foundation they’ve built all of this isn’t shaken by something that silly. It’s one of the things she loves most about their relationship. She’s never had that before, but she likes it, and she likes that it’s with Bucky.

No reply. No phone call, and it doesn’t look like he has seen the picture she sent. Her thumb hovers over Steve’s number, but she quickly talks herself out of it. This is getting silly. She doesn’t need to be that wife, the one that calls the second her husband is late and makes a fool of herself. Bucky said he would be there, and he will. He would never let her down, it’s not in him – his heart would never let him do anything to hurt her. 

Everything is fine. He’s just late. She isn’t worried in the least. It’s perfectly normal for him to be a little late every now and then. Only three weeks ago, he had picked up an extra shift out of nowhere, making up for someone on day shift that needed to trade out. It’s part of the job, and she knows that. It’s not like Bucky is an accountant, working a simple nine to five and home at the same time every night without question. She knew that going in and saw it several times with Nat and Orion before she even met Bucky.

There is nothing to be concerned about. He’s merely running late and will be there soon. He promised, and he always keeps his promises. 

She is not worried.

A tingle runs down her spine, giving her goosebumps and causing her to look up only to find Steve strolling towards her. The sight of the blond makes her breathe a sigh of relief. If Steve is here picking up dinner, everything is fine, and Bucky will be there in no time. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?” Y/n asks, forcing a relaxed smile despite the way her heart is pounding in her chest. “Picking up dinner?” 

“No, Y/n. I’m not here for dinner.” Steve holds out his hand for hers and nods towards the exit, gesturing for her to get up and follow him. “I called Nat, and she said she would sleep at your place tonight with the kids and take them to school the next few days.” 

“W-what?”

Her heart sinks into her stomach, and her fingers instantly start to tremble. There’s a buzzing in her ears that won’t go away with a few shakes of her head like she hoped they would. Steve’s gaze doesn’t leave her, but he’s not giving anything away; his face is utterly blank. Whatever he needs to tell her he doesn’t want to do it here, in front of a restaurant full of people and that makes her stomach churn even more. She hesitantly reaches up to take the hand that Steve is holding out for her.

“Why does Nat– Steve, please… Where is Bucky?“

The panic seeping out from her chest is starting to slip into her voice. She can’t help it. Steve came to get her, her husband is for all intents and purposes missing, and he never ignores her calls like this. Something is wrong. Steve squeezes his fingers around hers and pulls her up. His arm tightens around her waist to keep her on her feet.

Just in case. 

"Steve… Where is he?”

The crack in Steve’s demeanor tells her everything she needs to know before he gets a word out. Bucky’s hurt. He’s not making it to date night. Calendar and pen could do nothing to change that. 

“He’s at the Brooklyn Methodist. He’s going to be okay, but we need to get you there.” 

——–

“Mr. Barnes. For the love of–”

A deep sigh leaves the young nurse attending Bucky’s bedside, and it sounds as if she wants to throw her scrubs in the bin and never come back. It’s late nearing the end of her shift, and Bucky isn’t exactly the easiest of patients at the moment. “I know you’re upset. We’ve called home for you four times. The quicker we get you patched up, the quicker you can get out of here and back to her.”

“I have to see my wife now. Not in’a couple of days. She, She can’t go through that again. I know this sounds crazy, and I am sorry I am being a pain in the ass, but she wrote it friggin’ pen! Just give me the paper to sign that says I’m refusing care–” 

“I don’t think so, Lieutenant Barnes.” Bucky’s head snaps up at the sound of her voice, and his whole body relaxes at the sight of Y/n standing in the doorway, she’s not smiling, probably because of what she just heard, but she’s wearing that little red number he loves so much. It’s the one that falls off her shoulders and hugs every inch of her body, and it’s really got him regretting missing date night.

“You’re not going anywhere, and you’re going to let them do whatever they need to.” 

Bucky glances up to see the nurse smirking at how quickly he settles back against the pillow because his wife told him to. That might bother him if Y/n wasn’t walking around the slightly uncomfortable hospital bed and taking his right hand in hers. She regards his left arm, carefully. There’s no hint of what she feels, which is unusual for her. Bucky can nearly always tell what she’s thinking because she wears every emotion right there in those pretty eyes. If you just look close enough you can see everything that’s written on her heart.

The white bandage, littered with splotches of yellow and light red, is wrapped around his bicep and extendeds up his shoulder spreading towards his chest, and her eyes trace every inch of it. The stretch of the injury explains the lack of a shirt on her husband. Whatever happened though left the tattoo on his arm untouched and she breathes a sigh of relief, not only would that hurt Bucky, it would break Ori’s heart to see it gone from her father’s arm. Y/n’s hand finds its way into his hair, and she gives a gentle tug until his head falls against her chest.

“Beck,” Bucky whispers, whimpers, really, but no one is going to call attention to it. The way he’s clinging to her is for a husband and wife only, and those left in the room take the hint. Y/n runs her fingers through his hair, and he takes a deep breath before whispering against her skin, “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t– I tried to get there.”

Y/n’s hands freeze in his hair while he babbles on about missing ‘it’ and apologizing for hurting her. She can’t work out why he is apologizing until she hears him say, I know I promised and you wrote in pen and ‘m sorry I made you worry.  Bucky, her sweet December, is lying in bed with what could very well be third-degree burns on his arm, and he’s concerned about pens, past hurts, and the promise he made to never leave a similar scar on her heart. 

All he cares about is the damage done to her.

“It’s alright,” She assures him with a simple kiss to the top of his head, his temple, and his cheek, right over the stray tear that slipped out before he could force it back. "We can do it another night. There are plenty of empty spaces on the calendar.” 

"But–" 

"I’ll draw an arrow to a new night. In pen.” She sinks down next to him on the stiff bed and leans her forehead against his. “I don’t care what night we do date night as long as you’re the one I’m meeting.” 

“You better not be meetin’ anyone else,” Bucky whispers in her ear. There is a hint of playful teasing in his voice, and it makes her grin. He is attempting to quell her unvoiced fears and give her back some of her equilibrium in the wake of what could have been their end, and she loves him for it. 

“I hear you had two glasses of wine tonight and were lookin’ for someone to take you home tonight? Whaddya say you come home with me darlin’?” 

“Mmm.” She considers the offer with a soft giggle and pecks his lip softly. 

“That can be arranged, handsome. Let the doctors give you a once over and make sure you’re okay, then I’ll let you take me home, December.” 

“Whatever you want, Beck.” 

——–

Four days it’s been since Bucky was admitted to the hospital. Four days since he’s been allowed to sleep in his own bed or be able to really hold his wife. It has been four tortuously long days since he’s seen his kids and Bucky won’t make it another day without seeing their sweet faces. 

Y/n wanted to bring them in, but the first few days he was in a lot of pain, and he didn’t want them to see him like that. It’s not something his kid should ever have to see. Ori was old enough to understand it was a burn and that he got injured on the job but that she meant she understood. Bucky is worried if she knows all the details, she will panic every time he leaves for work, and she may be that much closer to being a full-blown teenager, but she’s still his baby, and she should get to be a kid, worry-free for as long as she can. 

As for the twins, they wouldn’t fully understand, but he didn’t want them to be scared of him. He was hooked up to a lot of machines, and he didn’t want them to have nightmares. It was better to wait. 

Thankfully, today was the day. Bucky gets to go home, and Uncle Steve dropped all three troublemakers off about twenty minutes ago. Cassie and Leo ran straight for his bed and climbed up on his lap to smother him in hugs and kisses, which he happily accepted and returned. Orion, though, she hung back with Y/n at the foot of the bed, holding her mother’s hand and avoiding Bucky’s gaze. 

He really hates it, not because she’s choosing her mom over him or something as petty and trivial as that. Orion chooses Y/n over him more often than not, and he’s okay with it, loves it in fact, but she’s avoiding him because she’s scared and upset, and he hates that he’s the cause of ache in his daughter. 

Once they get home, they will have to talk, just him and his comet, but for now, he keeps it light for the twins. 

“What have you two been doin’ without me? Drivin’ your uncles and sister crazy?” Asked Bucky, forced humor therein his voice that only Y/n catches. 

Cassie doesn’t say anything. She curls into Bucky’s right side, under his arm, and hides her face in his shirt. She was scared, still is. She’s been terrified since Uncle Steve picked her up from Aunt Nattie’s and said daddy was sick at the hospital, so she would have to stay at their house till he got better. She cried the last three nights in a row and slept in her uncle’s bed, snuggled between them. 

Leo isn’t oblivious to what’s going on around him. He is just as upset, but he doesn’t show his feelings as quickly as Cassie does. He tries to be strong for his mama and sisters – just like his daddy does! So, he sits on Bucky’s lap and nods, “I slept with sissy and Oviver at Uncle Stevie’s house." 

"There’s an ‘L’ in Oliver, buddy. You slept with sissy, you said?” Bucky questions, and his eyes shift to Orion, who is trying her hardest not to cry and scare the twins any more than they already are. 

“You’ve got a pretty awesome big sister, huh?” 

Leo nods and beams at Orion, who gives him a small smile back. 

Bucky raises his left arm, ignores the burning on his chest, and ushers her over with a wave of his hand. Orion didn’t have to be told twice. She dashes over and snuggles into his left side, careful of the bandage on his chest and arm. It isn’t anything too serious. Second-degree burns that may not even leave a scar, and he gets to be home with the kids for two or three weeks until it heals fully. Bucky is thankful it’s nothing compared to what it could have been because he could have been so much worse. 

Still, he knows it looks pretty scary to his kids. 

“Okay, you three know I’m alright, don’t ya?” Bucky places a kiss on Ori’s forehead and the top of Cassie’s head. He motions for Leo to lean in and when the four-year-old does Bucky’s lips land right in the middle of his forehead, making him giggle.

There is a muffled yeah from his girls, and Leo nods hesitantly. Bucky sighs and catches Y/n’s eye, silently begging for help. She’s better at this, better at the whole words thing. As much as he tries, Bucky isn’t as good as Beck – regardless of what she thinks. Cassie looks up at Bucky and tugs his shirt, grabbing his attention. 

“Daddy?” The small voice coming from his side makes him drop Y/n’s gaze, and he finds Cassie staring up at him wide-eyed and curious. 

“Yeah, stardust?” 

“Your arm hurts?” 

Bucky shakes his head and gives his shoulder a couple of shrugs to prove his point. There is a little bit of pain if he keeps it in motion, but Cassie didn’t need those details. She just needs to know her daddy is okay and all good for their nightly cuddle sessions. 

“A little bit, baby. It’s just a little burn, but as long as I keep it clean and wrapped up, it will be alright. I promise I’m okay. Just need rest and cuddles from my babies, and I’ll be right as rain.” 

She nods seemingly approving of the answer and then pipes up again, “Can we all cuddles in bed tonight?" 

Leo appears to like the idea because he scoots further up Bucky and lays his head on Bucky’s stomach. Ori glances between her parents, waiting for what she clearly hopes is a yes. Bucky catches Y/n’s eye and grins. She grins right back and shrugs just light enough for Bucky to spot but not the kids. 

“Of course.” Y/n says with a smile and a wink for Ori. “I always want you three snuggled up with us. We might need to invest in a bigger bed, though, with our two little bed hogs.” 

Bucky chuckles and tightens his arms around his kids. “Nah, we will be fine, Beck. Just gotta cuddle real close, and everything will be just fine.”

[natsumebookss]

Valka Sparks Voice Lines

Here's my first PN character, Valka! She's a genetically engineered magical girl (called an Actress) from a fictional country called Olympia. I've got a whole novel I'm working on about these girls, so this is kind of a crossover AU, but I've tried to cram as much important lore about her as I can in these lines. I've had her concept since high school, so she is extremely important to me.

Self-Introduction 1: Good to meet you, I'm Valka Sparks. People in my country call me Actress Espoir, the girl genetically engineered to become the worst Witch. I came to Kamihama to avoid that fate, for me and for everyone. I'll help you out with whatever you like, as long as it doesn't involve the other factions. It's best for everyone here if me and the other Actresses just look out for ourselves.

Self-Introduction 2: Call me Valka. I refuse to use the other name that man gave me unless it's on my own terms, and that means using it to make everything blow up in his face. I like to think that's the name I would have had if I wouldn't have been forced into this damned contract...but enough about that. You'd rather know what my crew is doing here, right?

Personal Story

Story Chapter End 1: They're using me to breed the worst possible Witch. That's really all I'll ever be to them?

(NOTE: In the original PN verse, Valka's body contains a dark spirit, created by Star Corporations trying to inject both light and dark magic into her at once. This dark spirit is a Witch in the Magia Record crossover, but is something entirely unique and staggeringly rare in the novel concept. Basically, if Valka were to turn, it would be less like a Witch transformation and more like a possession, where she would still be aware of what was going on without being able to do anything about it.)

Story Chapter End 2: If I'm cast aside by humans and hunted down by Actresses, what even am I?

Story Chapter End 3: I'll give my life to save every Actress who was ever made. That's the only way I can atone for what I am.

Story Select 1: The Firebrands are after my power...it's my fault...

Story Select 2: Is that what hope means to them?

Story Select 3: How can I protect the others if I couldn't even protect Xing?

Story Select 4: I can't let the Manufacturer get to Omega! She has to stay human!

Story Select 5: Aren't humans supposed to dream of loving people who aren't like them?

Story Select 6: I won't fail you again...Omega...

Stats

Strengthening Complete: I tend to prefer brains to brawn, but I could get used to this.

Strengthening Max: I should be able to stave off the new moon better now.

Episode Level Up: Get away from me now before the Manufacturer turns you too.

Magia Level Up: Hopefully, this takes me one step closer to freeing all us Actresses.

Magical Release 1: I was genetically altered to become the worst possible Witch, so I guess that makes me little more than a living weapon to them.

Magical Release 2: Protecting all Magical Girls is out of my scope, but I know I can at least protect my own kind.

Magical Release 3: I do believe a stronger magical girl of hope does exist, though. When she comes, it won't just be for Actresses...we'll all be freed.

(NOTE: Since Valka and Madoka both have hope motifs and Madoka is seen as a Messianic figure in the anime, I like the idea of Valka being a similar, but more minor prophet, like John the Baptist was in the Christian mythos PMMM taps into occasionally.)

Awaken 1: The Premiere Nebula was formed in honor of a fallen friend. For her sake, I must protect it.

Home Screen

Login (first login): You should be careful around me. Star Corporations and the Firebrands can both take advantage of you being close to me. Though I guess that's not a problem since I'm not in Olympia anymore?

Login (morning): You think I'm up too early? Well, since I fought as the Manufacturer's soldier for so long and I'm an athlete now, I guess this is just normal for me.

Login (noon): In Star Corporations, our diets were strictly regimented. Can't have your soldiers falling ill, can you? I still have to keep in shape for my job, but that's why I still like to indulge now and then.

Login (evening): My Witch's power is tied to the moon, so the more light the moon gets, the stronger I am. On the new moon, my Soul Gem darkens and she tries to come out.

Login (night): I'm used to doing patrols right about now, but the Kamihama girls seem to have things handled here. Time for me to turn in for the night.

Login (other): Actress Soul Gems are different from yours, so I don't know how going to a Coordinator would affect me. But if you need to go, I can give it a shot.

Login (AP full): Omega's my apprentice, so I'm still committed to training her even in an unfamiliar environment. These Witches should segue right into today's lesson.

Login (BP full): Fighting copies feels wrong when your country has sentient clones. But if they can duplicate Actresses, we have to put them down.

Tap 1: You guys don't have Cielflight around here? I guess you could say it's like air hockey, except you play on this big magnetic field. It clears my mind, even though I'm up in the air like always.

Tap 2: Omega and I are reserves on a Cielflight team. She plays defense and I play offense. Unfortunately, that means she still tries to shield me in battle, even though she's still a newbie...

Tap 3: Io always calls me "Valvi-nee," but I don't mind. Battle has turned us into sisters, and besides...I never really did have a cute nickname like that growing up.

Tap 4: Since my magic ebbs and flows with the moon, strategy's the name of the game for me. If I didn't have my wits, there's no way I'd be able to beat someone like Alarice on an off day.

Tap 5: What would I have wished for? Probably for my dad to be president. He campaigned when I was little, worked hard...but still couldn't beat the Manufacturer's influence.

Tap 6: My last ex abused me for being an Actress, so love isn't really a thing for me. With the way my powers are, I'm even too weird for Actresses...though sometimes I wish that wasn't true.

Tap 7: Yachiyo Nanami interests me. She's a lot like how I used to be, and I've gotta say...sometimes I'm jealous of how much support she gets from everyone here. The Nebula's all I have back home.

Tap 8: The Manufacturer wanted me to be his beacon of hope. But now I want to be that same light for the Actresses. If I can do that, I feel like that would make up for everything I've done.

Tap 9: My dad was single, so he asked the Manufacturer and Star Corporations to create a baby for him. That's where I came from, and why they still think they own me.

Battle Start: Okay, so here's the plan...

Battle Victory 1: I believe that's checkmate.

(Since she loves strategy games, I had to use this one even though it's similar to Oriko's.)

Battle Victory 2: As long as Star Corporations sees me as their chosen one, I have a reputation to keep.

Battle Victory 3: That's how it's done! Remember this for next time, Omega.

Doppel: *strained* I have to...keep it together!

Dying: The Manufacturer will never win now.

[nalgenewhore]

A rogue storm had her presumed dead and stranded on the red planet. Left on her own, astronaut Aelin Galathynius has four years to make it to the next drop-site, some two thousand miles. Armed with her smarts and dwindling supplies, Aelin attempts to survive on an inhospitable planet, when the nearest help is only millions of miles away. 

masterlist - ao3 - next chapter

Fuck this entire planet, Aelin Galathynius thought to herself as yet another bead of sweat trickled down between her shoulder blades. She wished she could wipe her brow, the stupid cooling system in her space suit was nothing in comparison to the blazing sun. Stupid planet, stupid planet with no atmosphere. 

It wasn’t just the sun, the piece of machinery she held was worth more than her entire life and with Fenrys Marama cracking jokes over the comms, she was not paying as much attention as she should. “I really hope that penetration test goes well for you, Ace. Is the core still soft?”

Despite herself, she huffed a laugh, “I’ll have you know that the CPT is no joke and this is serious science.”

“Oh, please,” his cocky voice crackled through the headset, “you’re a dirt engineer.”

Lorcan Salvaterre, from where he was helping Aelin steady the drill for the core penetration test, rolled his eyes but stayed silent, wanting to know where the argument was leading. The blonde astronaut was quick to reply, “Geotechnical and it’s soil, Mr. Fancy Aerospace Engineer. Isn’t your job today confirming that the FAV is still upright?”

Dry laughter was heard from their other crew members and Fenrys bit back, “Actually, it’s visual inspection of mission vehicles.” He paused for a second, “I’m very happy to report that on base inspection, the FAV is in good shape and yes, it’s still upright, dipshit.”

Before Aelin could speak, their commander cut in, “If you guys stopped leaving your comms open, we could all be exempt from the truly witty commentary.”

She frowned down at Lorcan Salvaterre, the mission leader and mechanical engineer, sticking her tongue out at her friend who smirked in response. A gentle, cool voice spoke up, “Happy to shut them off from here, Salvaterre.”

The golden-haired man child squawked in protest, “Hey! Radios are our only way of communication on this inhospitable planet-“

“Shut them off, Faliq.” The next thing Aelin heard was a slight static and then complete silence. “Oh, this is nice,” Lorcan said, the only person who could speak now. “We need fifty samples, G, one hundred grams each.”

Since her radio had been cut, she could only give him a thumbs up and focused on the task at hand. After a few minutes, the radio crackled back to life, Nesryn’s voice tight with worry, “Commander… you’re gonna want to see this.”

Lorcan’s head lifted up and he turned to look at the surface habitat, like their mission’s system operator could see him, “What is it, Faliq?”

A shiver of nervous energy straightened Aelin’s spine and she stopped the drill, her brow furrowing and her hands becoming clammy.

“Mission update. Storm warning.”

“I saw that on this morning’s briefing, we’ll be inside before it hits.”

“Storm’s gonna be a lot worse, estimate says to prepare for emergency departure.” Aelin breathed sharply as Lorcan exhaled, turning to look over her head at the horizon, his dark eyes calculating. “Commander?”

When his eyes slid to Aelin’s, she felt her heart drop. They were fucked. “Everyone inside the hab. Now.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

All crowded around Nesryn’s computer, staring at the screen where the words, ‘Abort mission’ flashed across it underneath the storm estimate, tension was high. Hardly anybody dared to breathe as the dark-haired computer engineer read the update, “…eleven-hundred kilometres in diameter…”

“That’s heading straight for us,” said Rowan Whitethorn, the mission doctor, tapping his finger on the screen and tracing the trajectory. “What’s the estimate force, Nes?”

The beginnings of the storm shook the structure and Aelin saw Elide Lochan’s - resident chemist - eyes narrow for a second before a mask of indifference settled over her features, even as she hooked her pinky around Lorcan’s, the black diamond ring on her left-hand glinting. They shared a small smile that made Aelin’s heart ache, but now wasn’t the time to be thinking of such things. They had a mission to worry about, she could fret over her aching soul later, Aelin chastised herself as her gaze flicked to the green-eyed man across the desk from her.

“Ninety-two thousand Newtons,” Nesryn all but whispered, her voice aghast.

Lorcan swore, tangling the remainder of his fingers with Elide’s and squeezing, “What’s the abort force?”

“Seventy-five thousand,” Fenrys read, his brows wrinkled with worry as he ran his hand over his short hair, brushing it forward into the wave pattern like he did when he was stressed, “any higher and the FAV will tip.”

“We’re scrubbed?” asked Aelin, worrying her bottom lip, the voice of her mother telling her not to do that sounding in her mind. All her life’s work, the whole crew’s life’s work just gone. The mission they’d worked themselves ragged for, over. Just like that. She wasn’t ashamed of the tears that pricked her eyes.

Red letters flashed across the screen, Prepare for emergency departure.

Elide’s calming voice brought the crew back, as she stepped away from Lorcan and leaned over the computer, analyzing what was on the screen, “Maybe it won’t be as bad as they say, they’re estimating a significant margin of error.”

Everyone turned to Lorcan, in the end – it was his call to make. Aelin nodded in agreement with Elide’s words, “Let’s wait it out.” His face was emotionless as his eyes shuttered, that mind of his running through each scenario he could think of. “Let’s wait it out,” she repeated.

They waited with bated breath until Lorcan shook his head once, “Prepare for emergency departure.”

“But-“

“That’s an order, G.” No one commented on the barely heard words, a look of mourning on Lorcan’s face. “We’re scrubbed.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Debris struck the sides of the airlock tunnel as Nesryn pulled down the latch of the door, “Ready, Commander.”

Everyone turned to Lorcan, their suits and headlamps on. “Visibility is almost zero, stay together and if you get lost, follow my suit’s telemetry,” he indicated the bio-monitor on his arm with which they could home in on each other’s location and other various functions, “Wind picks up further from the hab, so be prepared.”

The airlock door opened and the six astronauts struggled further into the sandstorm, each step requiring full body effort. The three women tucked behind the men, keeping close, hands on oxygen regulators.

Through the screaming sound of the storm, they heard metal creaking – the Farnor Ascent Vehicle. Aelin stepped out from behind Lorcan, barely able to see her fellow crew members. “We need to shore up the FAV,” she yelled, hardly able to hear her own voice. If it somehow tipped, without them in it to launch, they would never get it up again.

“How,” Fenrys asked, his voice straining above the storm as he pushed along, Elide close behind him.

“We can-“ Aelin screamed as something ripped free from the habitat structure and crashed into her, lifting her off the ground and throwing her out of sight.

“Aelin!” Elide’s scream pierced the monotony of the whirling debris. Everyone froze, looking to where they had last seen her.

“What happened?”

“Something hit her and she was just gone, she flew west,” Elide cried, her voice shaking. That was her oldest friend, her sister-

“Galathynius, report.”

Nothing but static. Nesryn looked down at her bio-monitor, pressing on Aelin’s suit button. “Her suit’s offline, I don’t know-“

“Galathynius, report,” Lorcan’s voice broke and again, nobody answered him.

“Her decompression alarm went off,” Rowan said, “she has less than a minute.”

Lorcan’s stomach dropped, “Shit, ok, ok, Marama, get to the FAV and prepare for launch, everyone else, home in on Lochan.”

As Fenrys took off to the rocket, leaving Elide to face the storm herself, she stumbled, “I can’t see anything.” Slowly, too slowly, the remaining crew members struggled their way to her and huddled together.

“We’re gonna line up and walk west. Small steps, she’s probably prone and we don’t want to step on her,” said Lorcan, his voice raised. They nodded, confirming the plan and set out, eyes wide open, hands out as precaution in case… they tripped over her body. “Doc, report on Galathynius.”

Rowan read the information on his suit’s computer, “Faliq, her bio-monitor sent something, a ‘raw packet’-“

“Yeah, I got that,” Nesryn confirmed, reading what the others couldn’t. “BP 0, PR 0, TP 36.2.”

“Copy. Blood pressure, 0, pulse rate, 0, temperature, 32.6.”

“Temp’s normal,” Elide commented, confusion clouding her mind, “why is her temp normal.” It wasn’t a question.

As realization set in, Rowan paled, “It takes a while for, it takes a while for the body to… cool. Blood’s still hot.” At that, everyone stopped, whirling to Rowan where he flanked Nesryn and Elide.

“Commander,” Fenrys’ voice crackled over the radio, “we’re tilting to nine degrees, with wind pushing to eleven. It’ll tip at twelve.”

“If it tips, can you launch before it hits the ground?”

The pilot hesitated, “Uh… yes, sir, I can take manual control.”

“Copy that, everyone, get to Marama. Prepare for launch.”

Nesryn started, “What about you, Commander?”

“I’m going to keep looking, get to the FAV.” Nobody moved, Elide’s eyes wider than ever before and filled with tears. “Now.”

“You really think I’m leaving you behind,” Fenrys asked, his voice breaking. “Lor-“

“I just ordered you to, now get moving,” Lorcan said, in a tone that brook no arguments. When they still didn’t move, he cursed, “Fucking hell, I said go.”

With that, Nesryn and Elide tucked behind Rowan as they made their way to the FAV.

Once they were in the airlock and had pressurized the vehicle, Elide swore, low and in Blackbeak, “Dilo, what is he doing.” She was the first up into the cabin next to Fenrys, eyes on her fiancé’s telemetry, “He’s going too slow, he won’t be able to find her in time.” Nesryn and Rowan climbed up into the cabin and the silver-haired man was nearly shaking, eyes wide.

“Commander, we’re at 11.5 degrees, you need to get back here-“

“Faliq, can you use the proximity radar to find her?”

“It only works for metal, there’s not a single piece of metal on any of our suits.” Defeat bled through her voice.

“Copy. Give it a try,” Lorcan told her, still determined to leave no being behind.

“Lorcan, I know you don’t want to hear this,” said Elide, “but Galathy… Aelin’s dead.”

“Try the fucking radar.”

Fenrys shot Elide a look, “The fuck is wrong with you, Lochan?”

Her dark eyes were unreadable and she strapped herself into her acceleration seat, “My sister is dead, I don’t want my fiancé dead too.”

Their pilot went silent at that and turned his eyes back to the controls, “Negative on the radar, Commander.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Lorcan muttered, groaning in frustration and desperation. He was grasping at straws; they all knew it. “Nothing?”

Rowan had gone silent in his seat next to Elide and he offered her a bleak look, tight-lipped, when she reached over and squeezed his hand, no words to say. Everyone knew what had been between Aelin and Rowan, except for maybe themselves. Nesryn shook her head, “It can barely see the hab, there’s not enough-“

The FAV let out a screeching sound as it tipped more and Fenrys barked out, “Commander, you need to get back to the ship now. I got one more trick and then we’re fucked.”

Silence on the comms. Fenrys tried again, “Commander-“

“Copy that,” Lorcan bit out. “How far?”

“11.9”

Elide spoke, “Salvaterre, Galathynius is gone. We need to get out of here.”

Lorcan said not a word. Finally, Nesryn pleaded, “Lorcan, she’s gone, ok? We need you here.”

“Roger that,” his voice was defeated, “on my way.”

Despite themselves, they all let out a relieved sigh, breath they didn’t know they were holding. Maybe a minute later, the airlock whooshed and Lorcan appeared, staying dead silent and not meeting anyone’s eyes as he strapped himself in next to Fenrys. “Prepared for launch.”

“Roger that, Commander.”

The ship began to shake as Fenrys blasted the jets, pulling them up and out of the storm. The only words spoken were from the control system, marking every one-hundred metre mark they reached.

Half an hour later, they were docking on their rocket station, named The Lani, after the goddess of dreams – their expedition The Matron , phase two of a three-part mission. Once they had completed the post-boarding instructions, Lorcan spoke, rubbing his eyes as his shoulders slumped, “We’re done for the day, don’t worry about logs or the mission. I’ll, um, I’ll send a report.”

Everyone nodded and dispersed, grim looks on their faces. Lorcan stayed behind, leaning against the wall of the airlock. Elide waited by him, cupping the side of his neck and stroking her thumb over his jaw as it feathered and he dragged his eyes to hers. “I’m sorry.”

She just shook her head, indicating she wouldn’t speak of it now, “Not now, love.” Her lip trembled, her face crumpling before Lorcan tugged her against him and cradled the back of her head. She cried silently into his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt. All he could do was bury his face in her hair and whisper his apology, his heart splintering in his chest.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

It was late. The other crew members were in their sleep-cabins, mourning the loss of their friend, no. Not friend, family. Their family was broken now. Lorcan was still up, sitting in the central area, staring at the blinking cursor on the computer.

With a heavy sigh, he began to type the report to the flight and crew director, Manon Blackbeak.

Blackbeak,

Mission Specialist Aelin Galathynius is presumed dead after being struck by debris during the storm late this afternoon on Farnor, day 18 of our 31-day stay. The remaining crewmembers were forced to abort the mission. Awaiting mission directions.

Commander Salvaterre

After sending it, anger sparked in his chest, indignation of the fucking unfairness of it. With a snarl, he slammed the laptop shut and stalked to the window, looking down at the planet until his eyes blurred and stung but still he watched, eyes roving over the red dirt as if he would be able to spot her body.

@mythicaitt​ @kandasboi​ @schmlip-scribble​ @the-regal-warrior​ @westofmoon​ @empire-of-wildfire​ @rhysands-highlady​ @city-of-fae​ @shyvioletcat​ @alifletcher2012​ @tangledraysofsunshine​ @ttakeitbacknoww​ @tswaney17​ @ourbooksuniverse​ @flora-and-fae​ @that-other-pineapple​ @sleeping-and-books​ 

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[idreamtofthereaper]

Moon Taeil as your Ex (Clarity Oneshot)

NCT 127 // NCT DREAM // WAYV // Clarity Main Masterlist

A series of oneshots for different groups, for each member, wherein instead of them being your boyfriend, how they will be as your ex.

How did you Meet?

he was simping for you

hard

you were dubbed as mini Irene

both of you are considered to be one of SM’s top beauties 

and ice princess

you were also called the backstage idol since you weren’t really an idol and was just a stylist for SM’s artist

most specifically NCT 127 

taeil was one of the artist they told you not to talk to or even go near

not because he was a playboy or anything

he was actually one of the softest, sweetest and kind-hearted in the company

they were just preventing you, the almost emotionless princess, to hurt taeil

you would never

“Yn, do you know where I could get some Bindaetteok?” A voice suddenly asked while you were fixing their stage outfit for tomorrow.

You already who it was by the soft voice, but when you turn around it was confirmed that it was Taeil. He was wearing some sweats and a hoodie, very casual and simple.

“Ahh, wait. I know a place 4 blocks down, I’m not sure if they’re still open though.” You said with a little uncertainty, you fished your phone from your pocket and checked the time. “They’re still open, they’ll be closing in 2 hours.”

“That’s great, thanks! Do you know anyone that could drive me there? Our manager just called it a night and I don’t think I could go there by myself.” He said, his face now lighting up.

You signaled him to wait by holding a finger up and asked your little gc of NCT’s staff, asking who is still in the building but then found out everyone already went home. 

You look back at him after sending a ‘Okay thanks.’ in the groupchat, phone still in hand. “No one is here anymore, but I could take you there if you want. I’m done here anyways.” 

Taeil’s face brightened at this and nodded. “As long as you could recommend me the best Bindaetteok and you’re really available.”

That night, Taeil saw a different you and you let out your ‘non-professional’ self. The both of you exchanged numbers and ever since then, SM’s little ice started to melt.

What Happened?

it was already a year since the both you and taeil became an official couple

you being you and taeil being taeil, it was super lowkey

people didn’t knew the both of you were even talking, let alone being together

everyone, including the members, only knew about it after a month when you and taeil went out to get ice cream

“Taeil never went out to grab ice cream with us on a random 10 pm. At this point I’m going to assume both of you are dating.”

“We’re not, we’re already together for about a month now.”

you weren’t new to the entire dating and couple thing, you had some fair share of relationships in the past

but no one as known as taeil

the constant hiding and being lowkey not really stressful for you, you liked it

you didn’t mind NOT showing affections and acting all cutesy lovey with taeil

but months in, taeil opened up about how the both of you were acting like plain best friends and it was kinda bothering him

“Honestly, Haechan probably kissed me more in a day than you did in 2 months.” 

you found this absolutely funny

but then felt a little sympathy sooo you agreed to be more affectionate

not too much but you know, affection that could clearly make people go  “oh definitely they’re dating.”

after that, you slowly warmed up more but taeil definitely was winning the race

and you just couldn’t keep up anymore

The Break Up

“I want to break up, I’m sorry, I just really couldn’t do this anymore.”

“Wait, why? Is it something I did?” 

You really shouldn’t be doing this on a hallway of SBS, for Inkigayo, before his performance. 

But in your defense, it’s better than later on when he’s in high spirits. 

“You can’t even look at me.” Taeil said, his voice shaking as he examined you. 

It was true, you couldn’t even look at him, only on the floor or behind him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how else to say it-”

“But that wasn’t my question, why are you breaking up with me?” You only looked at him. Your eyes conveying not sadness, but guilt and ‘please let’s not do this I want to sit down.’

You were about to answer when Taeil’s name was called. “Come on, we’re up in 10.” Taeyong called out upon seeing the both of you, still fixing his in ear as he then walked away. 

Taeil only nodded then his attention was back to you. “Why are you breaking up with me?”

“Please just go and perform first, I don’t want you in trouble.”

“After my performance, we’re going to have a long and serious talk.”

You left the station before they could even perform, saying you weren’t feeling well

you never answered any of his calls and texts after

you moved into a friend’s house not wanting to see taeil on your doorstep

you never came back to work, you went AWOL

not long after, your termination letter came in

and taeil never bothered you again

The Aftermath

it wasn’t hard to search for a job especially since you were an ex sm employee

yg accepted you as soon as you applied

you then became a part of blackpink’s stylist team

which means even if you weren’t part of sm anymore

you were still backstage in award shows and music programs

meeting taeil was inevitable

but it seems like taeil was avoiding as much as you were

most of the people from sm really

it kinds stings, especially after bumping into your old friends at Music Bank and heard that people were talking shit about you

saying how you were cheating, was in it for the money, for the clout

obviously, it hurt but it didn’t affected you that much

you wouldn’t let it

“But girl, Taeil wouldn’t even let those people finish their sentence when he’s around. I’m not sure if I should be happy or not about that, you really left a mark on him.”

that one affected you

Finally

you were at the cafeteria of Show Champion

just finished up with bp’s outfit so you were kinda done with your job

“Hey, it’s been a while.” 

Immediately, you shot up as soon as you heard his voice. Spinning around with the can of soda you got from the vending machine. “Hey, yeah it’s been a while.”

Taeil only bid you a smile, you just standing there. “Yn-”

“I really can’t talk right now.” 

“Okay, I just need you to move. I want to get some Orange juice.” You felt embarrassed by this, nodding your head continuously and moved, taking a step to the side. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting an explanation from you anyways. Nice seeing you again, yn.” He said, bidding you a goodbye as he fished his drink at the bottom of the vending machine.

You watched as he left, opening the bottle before taking a swig. “Taeil, I’m sorry.” You said, not to loud to grab other people’s attention but enough to grab his. 

He stopped in his tracks, turning around to face you. “You said that a year ago, it’s evident that’s not the ones I want to hear from you.”

“I’m sorry for leaving, especially without explanation. I’m sorry for being a coward and never faced you again. I’m sorry for breaking up with you without an explanation.”

“Will I get one now? Because if not this entire thing is useless.” Taeil said with a scoff, taking a step closer to you.

With a deep breath, you answered. “This is cliche, but it’s true. You were just too much for me, I couldn’t love you the way you love me. And it’s suffocating and unfair. You don’t deserve me, and I don’t deserve you.” 

You watched his expression, not really sure how you’ll paint it. After a long pause, he nodded and chuckled. “I fell too hard for you, now I’m broken.”

He left after that, and a rock seems to be lifted from you and you were able to let out a breath you didn’t notice you were holding all this time. 

You weren’t sure if he has forgiven you, but he shouldn’t. You will only feel worse if he forgave you.

But in some ways, you were happy about this. Taeil deserves to have some clarity.

[lovehugsandcandy]

Find the Lady (BP, Ash x MC)

A/N: So I started this when I was amused by the hijinks of BP and abandoned it when it started to get old but then figured I should try to finish it...because I do love me a snarky LI, don't I? This was already posted in AO3, sorry if you already read it.

Pairing: Ash x MC; mentions of Courtney x Mario ‘BrainMelt’ Bautista, Bachelorette Party

Length: ~3600 words

Rating: PG-13 (Swearing. Someone (?) drinks too many Bloody Marys and gets sick.)

Summary: Find the Lady but Mandy’s the Lady and, if Ash can find her, he’s not letting go.

Ash had to do a double-take, a triple-take, hell, a quadruple-take, when he walked by the open door of the Peanut Butter and Banana Quickie Chapel & Pawn Shop at the far end of the Strip. It wasn’t unusual for the gaudy gold doors to be propped wide open in the spring, Vegas heat not yet in full force, comfortable days still the norm before the fire of the summer arrived; the chapel was small enough that he was able to peer inside, past the makeshift pews, past the smoke machines and disco balls, all the way to the far wall where linen flowers and neon lights surrounded the glitter-gold script of their slogan. One-stop shop! We’ll put a ring on it and take it off your hands, too!

However, none of the garish decor caught Ash’s eye. Instead, it was captured by the trio who stood with their backs to him, speaking to the Elvis impersonator. Now that he looked closer, he could tell that it was the blond girl who hooked up with the magician and the hotshot doctor who just happened to live out East near Mandy. These two were just secondary to the sight that stole his attention though because, right in the middle, always right in the thick of everything, stood the gorgeous lawyer herself, braid cascading down her back as she spoke animatedly to Elvis. 

He wanted to head in, to say hello and take just a second to bask in her attention, to see her face, but he had to pause. If she was here, talking to a quickie minister with Reed at her side, it could only mean one thing. She definitely wouldn’t want him popping back into her life at this exact, special moment. So he took just a minute to watch, her hands flying through the air as she gestured to the flowers, the pedestal. He had to smile, melancholy as it was. He was glad it worked out for them. She deserved to be happy.

~~~~~

He hadn’t seen her in six months; hell, it felt like they had barely spoken over text since she left for the airport with her friends and his heart, but she was never far from his mind. He always knew that he was little more than an interesting diversion in her life, a wild story about the time she was in Vegas and met a two-bit hustler while on the run from the mafia, but for him? She was no drunken exploit or tall tale. Yes, it had been short romance, but it was the first time a tourist wove a path into not only his bed but his mind and his bones and his soul. He could still see her, clear as day, standing on the roof of his shit apartment, bathed in the sun's glow as it peeked over the mountains. 

He would recognize her anywhere.

Which is why he had to do another double-take on the Strip that night. He was in the middle of a game of Find the Lady, a pair of eager college-aged tourists focused on his hands as they followed the familiar routine, over-under left right left, when a dark braid caught his eye for the second time that day. He turned his head, quickly, too quickly, and his hands stuttered, the second card falling from his palm to the pavement below.

The girls in front of him laughed as Ash gaped at the card on the ground. He never messed up this game. “Wow, ladies.” He pulled his best smile out. “I think you both distracted me. You win this time.” He knelt to grab his card and held out the deck again. “Best two out of three?”

Once they had finally wandered off, after five more games where he made sure he focused only on his cards, not the gorgeous brunette he was certain he saw, he scanned the crowd intently. Nothing. He looked around.

“Jayson, man, did you see-?”

“I’m not helping you.” Jayson held up his discs. “I’ve had no success tonight because you keep telling people my mix tape is just me at karaoke.”

“It is you at karaoke. It’s not even good karaoke; it’s a clip from your phone at Club Yamang that ends with you screaming at a bouncer as they throw you out.”

“I told them I paid my tab.” Jayson glared.

“Yeah, with a stolen credit card.”

“Man, shut up, you don’t need to blow up my spot.”

“You have no spot.” Ash was still scanning the crowd, Strip packed with tourists and grifters and hustlers enjoying the glittering facades around them. “Do you remember-”

“I remember nothing.” Ash sighed as Jayson stalked off, clutching his CDs under one arm as he looked for his next victim.

With one last look around, Ash shook his head and got back to work. It’s not like she was here to find him anyway.

~~~~~

The next night found him outside the strip club, LIV DUDS blinking in the window. Shitty exterior aside, it was always packed on Saturdays, an easy way to catch willing coeds as they streamed out of the club, high on the buzz that only scantily clad strippers provided.

He was far from the door, eyeing the crowd and waiting for someone who seemed willing to play, when a shout made him turn.

“BACHELORETTE PARTY PART TWO! WOOHOO! ALL THE FUN WITH NONE OF THE GUNSHOTS!” His jaw dropped. It was the blond again, Courtney, the one with the enormous wild streak and dirty mind. She was bouncing, vibrating, visibly excited at being in her element again. And trailing behind her? Ash watched as the three amigos walked out, the senator’s ex and the one with the sketchy job and then, trailing behind with a blush on her cheeks and smile on her face, there she was. Mandy always took his breath away, every time he saw her, and this was no exception.

He stood, frozen on the spot, watching her talk on her cell, hands gesturing, as Diana put her hands on her shoulders to hustle her into a waiting Dryve.

Crap. 

He sprinted forward but watched as the backdoor shut, car lurching and pulling out into traffic.

Fuck. He glanced around, eyes falling on an idling cab. He dashed to the window, knocking frantically.

“I need a- Gene?”

Gene rolled down his window. “’Sup, Ash?”

“I thought you were still pretending to be a human statue by the Bellagio.”

“Meh. Gold paint took forever to wash off, especially when it got inside those tiny shorts and irritated my-”

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” Ash grimaced, making a mental note to bleach his brain as soon as he got home. “Anyway, I need a ride. Now.”

“I’m on my break!” Gene gestured to the tuna sandwich in his hands. “I haven’t eaten all day!” The words were barely intelligible around the giant bite in his mouth. 

Ash could just make out the taillights of their car heading downtown. With a deep breath, he opened the door and yanked Gene out of the driver’s seat.

“What the-”

“Here.” Ash pulled open the back door and shoveled him in before hopping behind the wheel, turning the engine, and peeling out. He could just make out the rideshare and had suddenly never been so grateful that the Strip was a long, flat line. “Just sit and enjoy.”

There was a rustling in the back and then a thud as Gene dove towards the floor. “My sandwich!”

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

“You stole my cab.” He was pouting, brushing off the grime from his food, but Ash sensed that it was halfhearted as he settled into the seat and stepped on the gas.

“Not stealing-you’re in it!”

Ash saw Gene take a giant bite of his dinner in the rear-view mirror. “Still stealing,” he sulked.

“Risk I’m willing to take.” He didn’t know what he would say to her if he caught up to them. ‘Congratulations’ seemed a little too fake, ‘Remember me?’ a little too bitter.

“Grand theft auto here. I can’t believe I took financial advice from a thief!”

“Not a thief, I’m borrowing. Much like one does with a loan when they incur a debt. But I’m giving your collateral back when we catch up with that car!” Ash concentrated on darting between traffic, keeping the Dryve in sight, winding his way up the Strip, past the familiar glittering lights and lively casinos. “And, come on! It’s Vegas! Live a little!”

“View’s different back here.”

“That’s the spirit. Enjoy the ride, man.”

Gene gazed out the window. “Did you know that Dirty Harry’s has half priced drinks tonight?”

“Yeah, they do every year on Clint Eastwood’s birthday,” Ash answered idly, focused on getting closer to the girls’ car, gaining some distance as it started to slow down.

“Hmm….” Gene peered at him. “You’ve been doing this a long time, haven’t you kid?”

“Stealing cabs?”

“Hustling on the Strip.”

“About ten years.”

“You ever think about doing something else?”

Ash thought to the manuscript saved on his laptop, forty thousand words, a treatise on hustling tourists and taking risks in the world capital of risky decisions, only partially completed before he lost his motivation, right around the time he realized he lost Mandy for good. He thought about his book and how maybe he could write from anywhere, even from the ritzy East Coast city where doctors and lawyers met and drank expensive whisky with their expensive degrees on the wall. 

He swallowed. Gene was still looking intently at him, eyes peering into him like he read minds. “Sometimes,” Ash responded with a shrug. “But right now, I’m just thinking about catching up to that Dryve.”

“Just don’t crash my cab. I don’t need anymore debt!”

“You got it.”

Finally, after running two red lights, a nerve-wracking close call with a drunk tourist, and inventive insults from the backseat that Gene should definitely trademark, the Dryve pulled up to a stop; he could see the Girl Scouts jump out and file into their hotel.

He screeched to a stop in front of the building, wincing as the valet dove out of the way. “Ok, take your cab, Gene. Here’s my stop.”

He slammed out of the cab but the “Hey, Ash?” from behind him made him turn.

“Yeah?”

“Good luck with your girl.” He had to smile. Of course Gene knew who they were chasing. Ash had always been obvious.

“Thanks, man. Thanks for everything.”

With that, he raced into the lobby of the hotel, the same hotel where he had accidentally rescued them from the gunman, the same hotel with the forest penthouse and shitty security that seemed to allow Norwegian murderers open access to guest rooms. He shook his head. Focus. No time for a walk down a truly trippy memory lane now; he had to find them. Where could they be?

Luckily, raised voices at the bar to his right were a clear signal. A loud commotion, raised voices, and breaking glass? Bingo.

He skidded into the bar and froze. And blinked. And blinked again. “Ummm....”

“Oh! Hi, Ash.” Aisha gave him a quick wave and then returned to the task at hand, trying to corral an overwhelmed Courtney while bobbing and weaving to avoid the signature hand flap. “Courtney, come on!”

“But....” Ash grimaced as her hand collided with Aisha’s shoulder, the slap barely audible with the noise of the insanity in front of him. “But...”

Diana peeked around her friends, barely visible behind the giant thing in front of him. “Hey, Ash.”

“Hi, Diana. Umm...” He blinked again, wondering if he blinked enough times, the vision in front of him would fade. Did he hit his head? “Is that an ostrich?”

She scoffed at him. “It’s an emu!”

“Why the hell do you have an emu?”

Courtney was still flapping her hands, limbs vibrating as she stood; Diana edged away from her and muttered,  “.... because we’re staying in the rain forest suite again?”

“What. Do emus even live in the rain forest?” The emu looked unfazed. 

“Who cares, Ash!?! Do I look like I watch National Geographic?”

“Yes?” He took in her prim outfit, the severe look on her face, and the bottle of electrolyte water in her hand. He nodded definitively. “Yes. You look like your idea of a wild night is binging National Geographic in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers while wearing a face mask and drinking a green juice.”

She wrinkled her nose. “That was so specific that it feels like you were spying on me last weekend.”

He rubbed his temples. “Ok, where the hell did you get an emu?”

Courtney had calmed enough to join the world of the semi-functional and jumped in, “Ash, it’s Vegas! You can get anything here!” She lovingly stroked the neck of the bird; it seemed like it enjoyed the attention. Then again, who knew? “They still haven’t supplied any cute animals, so we had to find our own!”

“You mean, you stole it from the zoo.” Ash whirled to see Mandy walking in, a severe man in zookeeper garb trailing behind her.

“Borrowed!” Courtney’s voice did the screech-thing again.

“Stole and hid it in the suite until it escaped because no one fed it!” Mandy put her hands on her hips.

“What?!?! I left it cocktail weenies and made it Bloody Marys from the mini fridge!”

“It eats seeds. Insects. Grass.” The zookeeper edged closer. “It can’t metabolize alcohol; since water is scarce in their natural habitats, they have a tendency to consume vast amounts of liquids so it has reserves when-”

The zookeeper trailed off as the emu made a few grunting noises and, in a stunning display, threw up partially digested hot dogs and red liquid onto the bar floor as the entire group lunged backwards. They all looked at each other in stunned silence.

“Of all the vomit I thought I would see, I really didn’t think it would be from that.” Diana blinked, looking down at the violent red stain on the floor. For once, Ash agreed with her completely. The emu squawked and looked around, nosing its beak towards the bowl of peanuts on the bar. 

“Did that emu just boot and rally?” Courtney sounded as shocked as Ash felt.

The zookeeper sighed. “They really are amazing animals with a fully developed system of-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, enough with the zoology lesson.” Aisha glared. “Can you get this thing out of here?”

The zookeeper glared. “It’s not a thing. It’s the second largest bird on Earth with a wingspan of-”

“Ok.” Mandy patted his arm. “It’s amazing, but can you please remove it? I’m sure it wants to get back to the zoo.”

“Fine.”

Ash stepped out of the way, watching the zookeeper coo in some bird-language that made the emu duck its head and follow him out of the bar.

“Wow.” Courtney had stars in her eyes. “That creature is majestic.”

Mandy shrugged, catching Ash’s eye for the first time. He felt his heart stop. “Hi, Ash.” Hell, time stopped.

“And that’s our cue...” Courtney grabbed Diana’s arm, and he barely registered them brushing by, Aisha hot on their heels as they entered the bowels of the casino. The only thing he registered was Mandy’s gaze, pinning him in place with the weight of months of unspoken words and missed opportunities. 

She stepped closer and still he couldn’t move. “Earth to Ash.”

“Hey.” He looked behind him, taking in the open pair of barstools, past the pile of emu vomit on the ground, and set his shoulders. “Do you want to grab a drink? Not Bloody Mary’s?”

He could barely focus on anything else as they settled down at the bar and waited for their drinks. The dim lighting made her seem shadowy, gauzy, as if she were floating in and out of his daydreams; he had to shake his head and take a swig as soon as the beer was placed in front of him. It seemed like she was already so close to fading away, back into her normal life and out of his reach.

“I wondered if we would find you.”

Her voice brought him back to the present, and he shrugged a shoulder. “Vegas is a small place for a local. Also, the four of you cause so much trouble it was only a matter of time.”

“Courtney causes so much trouble.”

“And you’re right there with her.” The smile was impossible to stop. “I seem to remember you getting into trouble all on your own.”

“And I seem to remember you bailing me out a few times.”

“Don’t need to do that anymore.” He winced as the words came out far more bitter than he intended.

“Ash? Why are you…?” She put her hand on his arm and he inhaled sharply, as even that simple touch sent his mind spinning. He pulled away, needing a bit of distance, any distance, something to give him space from the memories of another bar, just like this, another time when he wondered if he would ever see her again. She sighed, watching him, dark eyes cautious and waiting, before she leaned in again to aver, “You know I missed you.”

He had to turn away so she wouldn’t catch his eye roll. “You stopped texting me but it’s ok, I get it.”

“I’ve been working on some things, Ash. I’m sorry but-”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged, lifting his glass. “It’s all transient. You know how it is.” 

“We had something real. You know we did.”

“Aren’t you getting married!?!”

“WHAT?” She stared at him. “To who? What?!?”

“To Reed? The doctor?” Ash shrugged, turning away from her to hide his face. “I saw you at the chapel. And it’s your Bachelorette Party. Congratulations.”

A hand on his cheek turned his face, so he could see Mandy gaping at him. “Reed? Wait, what? No, no, no. He’s here for the wedding, too. Courtney is getting married.”

“Wait, Courtney?” Any happiness he may have felt at the implication that Mandy might be fair game was supplanted by his shock. 

“Yeah. To Mario.”

Ash was so glad that he hadn’t taken another sip of beer because it would have ended up splattered on the marble of the bar. “The MAGICIAN?”

Mandy shrugged. “I think it’s good for her. She needs a bit of stability in her life.”

“I agree, but a magician named Mindblaster is the stability here?” Ash couldn’t stop the scoff.

“Ok. So it’s not a ton of stability.” Mandy smiled. “But they really are a great fit. And she’s happy.”

“Huh.”

She caught his eye. “And I’m not getting married.”

“I see…” It felt like the air had left his lungs. “So, are you saying you’re single?”

“I don’t know about single…” Ash felt his face fall as Mandy looked up at him, curiously. “There is this guy I like….”

He turned to face the bar, grabbing his beer. Of course.

A hand on his arm stopped the bottle halfway to his mouth. “You fool. You know my type. Japanese-American street performers?”

“Pretty niche, you know.” He had to smile ruefully, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice. “You remember you left him behind, right?”

She swallowed. “Ash… I’m moving to Vegas.”

“What?”

“My firm has a rotation program for high potential lawyers.” She looked at her hands. “I was selected and get to work with a top partner at a different branch across the country for nine-month trial period. If it goes well, I might have a permanent position.” Finally, she raised her head to meet his eyes. “It’s a big career opportunity. And I requested to come to Vegas.”

He carefully placed the bottle on the bar. “Are you serious?”

“Starts in two weeks. I want to be more than a tourist here. My career is so important to me, Courtney’s moving here, but I mean…I was hoping you…”

He cut her off with his lips. He just couldn’t stop himself from kissing her, pulling her close so the bar stool tilted and she was supported by his hands on her waist, her thighs against his, reacquainting himself with her lips and her tongue and the small of her back and the soft noise she made in the back of her throat and how her hands clutched his jacket as if she was afraid he would vanish.

Pulling back, he had to grin, eyes tracing over her face, the soft look in her eyes. He’s had some big wins in his life but this one takes the cake. 

“And here I was, thinking of moving out East.”

“Wait, what?” She was still so close to him and he watched the individual lashes surrounding those beautiful eyes flutter as she gazed at him.

He shrugged, feeling bashful. “I missed you.”

“Well, you’re lucky my type is extremely rare back home.”

“Your type....” He couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face. “Tell me all about this street performer you like. Total hunk, right?”

“No one says that anymore.”

“Dashing hustler by day, fearless mafia fighter by night?” He smirked and leaned closer, drawn to the smile playing around her lips; it called to him, to his every cell, urging him closer.

“You legit peeled away as soon as we got shot at.”

“With an amazing sense of self-preservation?”

Finally, her grin broke into a wide smile, beaming across her face, and burned into his brain. “Oh my God, shut up and kiss me again.”

So he did. Nine months of this with a chance for more? That’s a gamble he’d take every time.

.

Tags:

Perma Tag: @leelee10898 @emichelle @client-327 @choicesgremlin @brightpinkpeppercorn @thequeenofcronuts @lilyofchoices @choicesarehard @desireepow-1986

This Mess: @tinypenguincheesemachine, @lizeboredom 

[songsorter28]

Blackpink: The Album Review

Okay, this is the first time i’ve done this and the truth is i don’t know how, so i’ll just try my best.

First of all: I am a Jennie biased blink. That means I have no trustworthy sense of criticism when it comes to them and if you do, this is probably not the place for you. I will try to talk about this album with a sense of criticism, but sometimes, i’m just gonna like a song because it’s blackpink and y’all just gotta deal with it.

BUT, I am not afraid of saying i don’t like things that the pinks have said it to like, which is actually how i’m starting this review. So, if you guys are all about loving the girls and emotion and “think about how they must feel” this is a decision made by the girls, this place is also not for you either. I am a blink and i share a lot of love for those four women, but i am also a consumer of their work as artists. I will complain if I didn’t get something I thought was necessary as a viewer and listener for my money and attention to be spent. I will not, of course, hate on them in any way.

Ok, before anything:

1) English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. 2) Here, we’re gonna talk about the cover, pre-release single choices, writing credits, tracklist and my honest opinion about the album as a whole.

a) The Cover:

There’s not a lot to talk about but the fact that it’s gorgeous, but simple. I didn’t understand why a crown if the name was The Album (something unoriginal to be honest, but i’m not 100% against it) and there’s no reference to royalty throughtout the album besides maybe Jennie’s rap “didn’t want to be a princess”. I did find the cover visually pleasing tho, could be much more embarrasing.

b) Writing credits and Track List:

This one is quick. I’m extremely glad Jennie and Jisoo were credited as songwriters (Jennie as well as a composer) but Teddy gotta give Danny Chung to god. He hates rapper Jennie and he’s the reason Lisa doesn’t write. He’s always in charge of the raps so teddy gets confortable and Lisa doesn’t get a chance to write her own verses, which is something the sure thing cover showed us she can do. Also, he hates rapper Jennie to the point where she had to write her rap on the title track (wich is good, but, you know what i mean) and wasnt even given a chance to write more than 8 seconds. Melanie I hope this is the last time you were here. Loren you can stay. Tommy and Ryan yall were cute we had fun but it’s over let’s move one (seriously, these producers really made me appreciate Teddy more lmao pls sir never leave us). Okay that’s it. Now, to the track list.

I will be talking about the fact this shouldn’t even be called a full album on the My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole topic.

1. How You Like That

I say my opinion more detailed on the next topic but at at essence. Cute. A good opener to the album and what is to come, but too much of a bside to even be a pre release single.

6.5/10

2. Ice Cream

Again, my opinion it’s on the next topic. Cute song. Loved Chaennie’s high notes and wish i didn’t know english so the rap didnt sound that silly. Not as bad as blinks and non blinks make it out to be. 

6.12/10

3. Pretty Savage

I kinda also talked about that in the next topic lmao. It has everything a blackpink song should have. There’s been some controversy about Lisa “born skinny bitch” but Lisa was talking about herself since she has been body shamed through her whole career. She was right and she should say it. You’re entitled to feel uncomfortable but that’s just the thing she wasn’t talking about me or you. She was taking her pain and wearing like an armor. This was a diss track for the haters. Taking that away from her because of our own issues it’s kinda mistreating hers.

8.82/10

4. Bet You Wanna

Yes you guessed it right I talk more about it next topic. It’s a bop. Loved Jennie here. She has such a versatile voice I was very proud to hear her. And Cardi was also good. Just hope Lisa will get her rap part live cause she didn’t have much lines here. But I loved Jenlisa’s brigde. Rosé’s adlibs peak perfection and Jisoo’s chorus and english that’s what i’m talking about. The chorus can be a little repetitive and it kinda ends a bit suddenly but it doesnt bother me much.

8.37/10

5. Lovesick Girls

WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE OTHER THAN BEST BLACKPINK TITLE TRACK? Love that for me. It was so different than anything they’ve done so far, the lyrics were AMAZING, the message behind it also, the visuals in the MV, storylinne, RAPPER JENNIE OMG, she got the most memorable line “didn’t want to be a princess, i’m priceless” i love her tf the shade to the yg princess title and her scene in the car and in the mental hospital(will not touch on the controversies cause that was annoying) also Lisa’s rap/singing with a flow in the begining her voice OMG I WAS SHOOKEDT. Jisoo’s high note in the brigde? Rosé?? perfect.

10/10

6. Crazy Over You

Rapper Jennie for the last time with a 8 second rap again but LET’S BE POSITIVE. A bop. I loved the i. went. crazy. over. you. I love the lyrics. It bother a bit this much english but it’s bp’s idendity so i’m fine with it.

8.5/10

7. Love To Hate Me

This was a predictable song in the best possible way. Easily one of their best songs. There’s honestly nothing left to say. Also. Lisa’s rap. Maybe Danny Chung deserves some points. It even felt like she was a feat in the song like her flow yall just perfection.

9.4/10

8. You Never Know.

Great song I left with depression.

I like how this album talks with haters and blinks, it really shows a different side from the pinks. Only a few know the emotion Jennie starting off “but you never know unless you walk in my shoes [...] cause everybody sees what they wanna see, it’s easier to jugde it than to believe”. It was written by Loren, a close friend from the girls and the boy who’s Jenlichaeng  boyfriend in the LSG’s MV and Bekuh Boom, a producer who’s been with them for really long, but if anyone got a conspirancy theory that they were involved in the songwriting process of the song, sign me up. You don’t need proves. I believe you. ALSO JISOO GOT MOST LINE ON THIS ONE and we got singer Lisa. After a while, it become my favorite song from the album. Now, it’s my favorite song from their discography. Debate your mother.

9.62/10

c) Pre-Release single Choices: 

I can’t stress about this enough. Whoever was in charge for the single choices needs to go to jail. Not that HYLT is bad (at all) but comparing to the rest of the songs, it look MUCH more like a powerful bside than Love To Hate Me and Pretty Savage ever will. I will lecture later how Pretty Savage was the perfect choice to first release single, just wait. Now, to the controversial Ice Cream. To be honest, i found the song super cute and i think the MV was one of their best. It was different and refreshing, love that for me. But the whole sequence of events that turned out to that disasterous twitter timeline, with constant attacks to the girls especially Lisa over things they cannot control such as line distribuition and a sabotage from antis on yt comment section, was something I kinda already saw it coming. Ice Cream is Blackpink’s most successful single to date, but it was a bad choice from the start (I will talk about that in a second). For starters, YG decided not to promote the song well. While announcing the single, they gave us a poster with pictures from a summer package released months before. And each week they kept doing that, only using actual teaser photos in the release week. The hype was pretty much out. I can’t say my timeline is 100% blink because i have way too many fandoms that i’ve been following for longer than i’ve known kpop, but compared to the HYLT hype, they were pretty down and that’s on YGE. Also, ever since coachella, it’s been antecipated by fans and artists the possibility of a Blackpink x Ariana Grande (one of the most popular singes these last couple of years). The idea of an Aripink collab got blinks (who were already with an eye wide open after Blackpink was seen with Tommy Brown, Ari’s basically oficial producer, who has been producing for her ever since her second album and was reponsible for many hits of her latest project, Thank U, Next, such as 7 rings and Thank U, Next) even more hyped when YG announced (one of those old photoshoot posters. I’m sorry I will never let that go that company is so trash) that Blackpink’s second release was going to be a collaboration with a western artist, and Ariana herself like Jennie’s instagram post about the next single. I cannot put in words the reaction of my twitter timeline when YG confirmed that the collab was actually with Selena Gomez. 

Now, on a more personal note. 

You see, I actually like Selena. I like her songs, besides the critics. Perfect is pop perfection. Waverly Place is the best disney show ever since That’s So Raven. But, to a collab made to the US market, and besides the success of Rare, Selena isn’t a sales force like Adele or Taylor Swift, nor a streaming force like Ariana Grande. Nothing takes my theory that this was supposed to be an aripink collab but, for some reason, she dipped and then interscope (blackpink us label and selena’s label) picked her. Selena showed us a good time and promoted the girls more than YGE did but, it wasn’t a surprise when the song didn’t get a top 10 (a top 13 is really good tho, don’t get me wrong). 

Now back to the story telling

Selena was more than a feat, she sang the whole damn song, getting more vocal lines the the entire vocal line. She’s only a few seconds behind Lisa, who got the most lines in general. I understand that it is a collab, but this is the girls’ single. Why would they want to listen to them for only 16 seconds, the amount of time Rosé got? That set a bunch of solo stans (something that exists more in this fandom than everywhere else) to boycoitt the release, a huge fansite even taking out their funds for the full album (that was low, even for a solo account. JisooBar, you aint seeing heaven). Did i think it was a little of overeacting? As someone who’s an army that had to handle Not Today’s line distribuition, and especially since we’re talking about the main vocalist, someone who will for sure have more lines in the future (as she did), kinda. But, like i said, it was a bomb getting ready to explode at any minute. If it wasn’t that it’d be something else. That being said, NOTHING will ever justify the nastyness y’all did with Lisa and even Jennie’s comment section. Nothing. That was ridiculous even for solo stans. BUT for people who got worried about Lisa’s lack of posts after the release, don’t worry. She didn’t post a lot because Thailand is going through some stuff and I don’t think she has YGe’s permission to talk about it (when I catch the ones in power on that company istg). 

Wow, that was long. At essence, it  was a bad choice for several reasons, but i enjoyed the song a lot. Can’t wait for the live performances with chaesoo’s lines.

Now, back to HYLT. It was greatly promoted, it stopped Zico’s (huge in korea) releases and a bunch of other big artists in South Korea. Got 7 Perfect All-Kills and would’ve gotten more than 12 if the charts weren’t reforming at the time. It also broke a lot of records, and repeated Sour Candy’s position on the bb100 on #33. It’s another very Blackpink song that  I enjoyed but kinda aged. Many non blinks didn’t like it but it’s not like they were ever going to admit they liked a bp song. They’re annoying. The song’s biggest problem is probably the 2015 edm in the chorus. Like. Teddy. You gotta let that go. It’s time. He kinda heard us in the album. But, these kinds of songs are very liked by the general public, especially the korean one. An interview was made asking the general public if blackpink should change concepts and they said a bit fat no. So that tells what you need to know. And that it why i think Pretty Savage should have been the first pre release single. 

Okay, let me tell you another series of event. Back on november 2019, when we were starving because YGe does not like money, BlackpinkBar, a big fansite, payed trucks to be sent to YG building during a whole day demanding for better treatment to Blackpink. You can find all the demands online, but at essence, when it came to music related, blinks always mention: Jisoo’s lines, screen time and blackpink in your area, Main Rapper Jennie, Lisa dance break, Rosé’s high note. On HYLT, we got nothing. And everyone had to shrug it off saying it was just a pre release single, BUT it would be better hyped by blink and the hype to the second pre release would’ve lasted longe if PRETTY SAVAGE, who has basically all of that, was the pre release single. It would’ve assured us of so much. Jisoo said bp in your area twice, she RAPPED, she was singing, she could’ve had more screetime and center time especially bc she’s on all chorus. Jennie Main Rapper would go back and we wouldn’t have to be blue balled (which caused the ice cream meltdown)every single release and only having to wait till the title track and only to have a 8 SECOND RAP. I won’t talk about that now. Moving on. Rosé wouldn’t get a high note, but she would’ve gotten the brigde all to herself and the next pre release single, bet you wanna (wait for it), she would get those incredible adlibs. And Lisa’s dance break. Not only this is bp’s most danceable song and has a bunch of lisa’s raps, it also has jennie’s outro, where for a least 20 seconds lisa could’ve thrived. Yall we were robbed.

Now, real quick, back to Ice Cream. In a perfect world (or just a world where YG’s current ceo) had brains, if they wanted a collaboration to show the pink side of blackpink, with a poppy song and sassy lyrics, the artist not to be in the whole song, and to have an artist who would driven attention from the locals and is a big streaming force, THEY WOULD’VE CHOSEN BET YOU WANNA. My biggest problem with bet you wanna is Lisa’s lack of lines, which could cause stuff and well we just miss her they could have added a rap even for 8 seconds, BUT, seeing her all around pretty savage and knowing she’s gonna have Cardi’s rap during live performances would cool things down. Since we were in the middle of a pandemic, instead of a mv like ice cream where they had to do it separately, they could’ve done something like IU’s eight. A huge part in animation and a few with people. Literally YG why are you so dumb. Bye.

d)  My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole:

I did some math (lol) and my rank for The Album is 8.4. It’s easily one of the best releases from this year and I loved it so much, but something were left to be desired and i think i could pass everything and just turn a blind eye at things, except one: the fact we waited for 4 years, watched all ggs and yg groups getting comebacks last semester and only got 8 songs. Loona is releasing a mini album with that amount of songs. Stray Kids and BTS’s mini albums are longer than that. It was bad enough KTL had 4 songs and a remix (a joke) with 2 songs lacking raps and no rapper jennie only for them to carry YG’s dirty name after what their protected boys did. I legit hate it here they didn’t even had 30 minutes, their longest song wasn’t even 4 minutes. Also, before anyone says anything about the girl’s interview about quality over quantity. I’d like to say that i understand them having that when it comes to have one comeback a year and i’m honestly okay with that. But their first full album? 8 songs? Are you kidding me? Like I said, I’m a consumer. I refuse to receive this half assed excuse about quality over quantity when they had more than enough time to produce and write more than 8 quality songs? what, is impossible to write more than one song per moth? these songs have formulas, they can be made more than 8 times. A blackpink album its more than a thousand reals here. That 90% of a sallary. And please don’t come with the “if you don’t want it just don’t buy it” “you can just unstan them” bc that’s not the case. I love their songs. I love the girls. But I’m a consumer of their art and if they want to be takend seriously as artists, they gotta do more than 8 songs on a full album. It’s unfair to anyone that isn’t a diehard fan willing to sell out an overpriced photobook in hours. That’s not the only kind of fan blackpink needs. they need the store locals, the people who are not on twitter or tumblr or instagram. Cause those locals are gonna stay like they stayed with adele and taylor swift. stan twitter is much more likely to leave them with time.

Side note: I’m tired of commenting on rapper Jennie so I’ll just say Jennie deserves better than 8 second raps as the main rapper of the group. That doesnt mean I want Lisa to not rap or to Jisoo not to sing, as many will say bc apparently that’s what people hear when we say main rapper who trained for 6 years to be a main rapper should rap on at least most title tracks even if not on all songs.

But yeah, that’s it. Besides the unfortunate final note, I loved The Album and now Blackpink it’s my second most listened artist of all time. They were top 13 before the album.

[purplesurveys]

986

Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? Nope. I’ve never been musically-inclined and it’s always been impossible for me to pick up skills in any instrument, even if we had music classes in my old school from first grade all the way up to senior year. 

Are you one of those people who always tend to think critically in issues? Yes. Sometimes my emotions would want to take over, but at the end I always prefer to be skeptical, ask a lot of questions, and see all sides in an issue. I feel like critical thinking is such a big part of the degree I took up anyway, especially with all the hullabaloo about fake news and which news sources to trust, so...

Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? I can remember a few girls from my high school but they could have changed within the last four years. I remember several girls and boys from college, too. 

When was the last time you had any kind of pork? What kind was it? Last night. Pork belly.

Are you someone who normally eats a full breakfast every single morning? No, not normally. If I wake up feeling a little better than usual I’ll go downstairs and get some bread and eggs, but most of the time I skip all meals except dinner.

Do you believe vampires are real? No.

Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? Sometimes, just because I genuinely want to keep some things that I enjoy to myself. I also have some interests that are a little uncommon and simply won’t make for a productive or fun conversation, like wrestling, so I don’t raise topics like those around my friends. ‘Hide’ is a little harsh, though...my friends certainly don’t make me feel like I have to hide my true self. At the end of the day I just like keeping quiet about my interests and letting others have the spotlight.

Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterwards? Yeah since middle school lol. I still remember how big of a sin it had felt when I typed in a URL for the very first time. Anyway, I wouldn’t say I was ever a porn addict but I did have phases where I’d watch nearly everyday, and then stop for months, and then repeat the habit again.

What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? Cat-calling is one of them < Jesus, I remember how catcalling was such a pre-Covid norm...one of the very few reasons why I’m glad to be staying at home.

Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? Teleport. I don’t think freezing time will help me especially if it’s to be stuck in a happier moment; I’ll have to unfreeze in the end anyway, and it’s just a sucky truth that I have no control over. I feel that teleporting has a lot more uses, like skipping traffic lol.

Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of it. The only Twister that comes to mind is the party game.

Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? We always get devastating hurricanes a few times a year but my family and our home has always been on the fortunate side since my parents made sure we relocated somewhere that wasn’t prone to floods. The old house we used to live in, though, is super vulnerable to typhoons and it has definitely flooded all the way up to the ceiling there before. It’s a big reason why we moved.

Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? I wasn’t fed bacon as a kid, so I guess not.

What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? Jollibee, and this is a hill I would happily die on.

Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? No. I like to hold out belief for aliens, but I wouldn’t want to immediately assume that they would be the colonizer type.

Are you someone who always looks for sales when you go shopping somewhere? I don’t actively seek them out, but if I spot an item I like that’s on sale then I’m more likely to buy them and just consider it my lucky day, heh.

Are you constantly re-arranging your bedroom? Or do you not like change? I only do once every few years. The last time I did was a couple of weeks ago; the last time before that was 4-5 years ago.

Who would you consider the best teen actor or actress out there now? The only one I could think of is Jacob Tremblay, but I’ve only ever seen him in Room and that movie’s five years old now. Oh but Iain Armitage is amazing too.

When did you last cuddle up next to someone and watch a movie? Start of the year would be my best guess.

Where would people most likely find you out on the weekends? Just home, unless my family or friends made plans to go out. For the most part though, I like catching up on rest after a week of school/work.

Do you like the school you attend or is it just pretty bland to you? I loved my university. The atmosphere there felt extremely freeing and nobody gave a shit about what anyone wore, what pronouns people prefer for themselves, etc. It was such a beautiful place to explore and figure myself out in the last four years.

Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I don’t think I’ve been to a parade.

What is your favorite childhood memory? Who did you share this with? Playing outside nearly every afternoon, then going home for dinner and alternating between Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network because our favorite programs were all over those three channels. I shared these with my neighbors (for playing outside), and then with my siblings and cousins (for watching TV).

Are there any windows open in your house right now? Which ones, if so? A couple of my windows are open to let some of the cold air in.

Is it currently your favorite season? If not what is your favorite? Yes, I love the rainy season. I haven’t had to worry about sweating these days which makes life a lot less annoying.

Do you like soda pop? If so, which is your favorite and least favorite? Don’t those two words refer to the same thing? Lol but I don’t drink soda. I’ve tried so many times to get into it but it’s always felt like putting my tongue and throat on fire.

Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I do it around family and close friends. They can burp around me too. Personally, I only find burping gross if it’s strangers that I catch doing it.

Do you have any siblings you’re embarrassed of being related to? A little bit but it’s whatever.

Which noises do you currently hear right now? Can you control those? There’s a Good Mythical Morning video from my phone, the fan whirring behind me, and a dog barking somewhere outside. The only noise I can’t control is the dog, because they aren’t mine and I don’t know which house they’re from.

What is one thing you’ve never understood throughout your life? Catcalling. Like, why?

When you see an old person do you think ‘sweet’ or ‘creepy?’ For the most part, neither. I’ve thought ‘sweet’ or ‘creepy’ about old people in the past, but they have to be doing something to cause me to feel that way.

What is it that makes old women want so many cats in their life? Company, I’m guessing. But I don’t think it’s fair to generalize old women lol.

How many times a day do you wash your face? Do you wash it really good? Once, when I take my daily shower. I’ve always had clear skin so I don’t like washing it too hard, or too much, or using products on my face. Just a few splashes of water have worked fine for my face in the last 22 years.

Would you consider yourself to have a boring life or a really exciting one? I’d say it’s generally exciting right now because a lot of changes are happening and I’m finally out of school and pursuing real jobs and everything, but Covid has definitely given it a boring turn.

Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? I’ve only done so with Carley. It’s not weird if you’re already close.

Who was the last person you kissed and why did you kiss this person? Gab. She was leaving.

How many fish have you owned in your lifetime, so far? Did they all die? We were allowed to own a lot of goldfish when we were kids but yeah, they’re all dead now.

If you were to get drunk right now, how would you most likely act? Cry, drunk text the wrong person, try to take the rest of this survey drunk.

How many people have you kissed in your lifetime so far? Who were they? One.

Are you going to post this on a social networking site after you take it? Yeah, that has always been the point of this Tumblr.

Is there something people in general do that bothers you a lot? This only applies to Christians, but being jerks and going back to their old ways immediately after attending church. I have never understood that, and never will. Like, why even attend???? What is your point of being there??

Has anything supernatural ever happened to you? What were these events? Nothing like seeing ghosts or whatever but I’ve had some odd premonitions before, especially on the day my grandfather died.

How many concerts have you seen so far in life? Were they good ones? I’ve gone to a lot of local gigs that feature popular local acts; the best ones I saw were Ysanygo, The Ransom Collective, and BP Valenzuela (who I’ve seen thrice, aaaahhhh). Foreign acts I’ve watched are Coldplay, One Direction (kind of twice, but it’s a long story), and Paramore (twice). I don’t remember disliking a singer or band that I’ve seen perform.

Do you like doing anything your friends wouldn’t expect you to do? Doing surveys is probs on top of that list, ha.

Can you sing very well or are you considerably tone deaf? I’m not tone-deaf, but I don’t have a talent in singing.

Do you ever look back on the past years and wish you could go back? Yes.

When will the next time be you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I have no clue. Christmas is my best guess.

Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Not so much, but investing on a turntable is consistently on my mind as I’ve always had a dream of collecting vinyl records.

When was the last time you bought new sheets for your bed? It’s been a while. Can’t remember.

[discjockeyetc]

How I Got Here: One Year (and 85 pounds) Later

On October 14th, 2019, I began a journey that would change my life (and my health) for the better. I’ve told the whole story to a few people here and there, but never really put the whole thing down in to words. I figured the one year anniversary would be a good time to do that.

On October 14th, 2019, I weighed 250 pounds. As I’m writing this today, on October 14th, 2020, I weigh right at 165 pounds.

With that, here’s what happened, and how I got here... one year (and 85lbs) later.

It all began on Friday, October 11th at about 12:00pm. I was working from home, Jill was at work, and Turner was at school. Sydney had been dealing with a nasty body rash, so we had kept her home from school. We were dog sitting Jill’s parents’ dog Goldie, so Sydney and I were standing on the patio watching Goldie and Freddie play in the backyard. As we were standing there, I suddenly felt this rush of numbness take over the entire left side of my body. From the top of my head to my toes. Total numbness. My left hand felt like I had been sitting on it for a half hour. My mouth had that sensation (or lack of sensation, as it were) of just receiving a shot of novocaine from the dentist. 

This was, as you can imagine, pretty strange, so I quickly gathered the dogs and Sydney and went back inside. I sat back down at my desk while the episode was happening. After about 60 seconds, it stopped. Just went away. I didn’t pass out or get dizzy or anything. I didn’t get droopy-faced or drop anything I was holding. Just numbness (with a little tingling). 

It would happen a couple more times that afternoon and each time would last about the same amount of time; about 60 to 90 seconds or so. I had a wedding to do that Saturday (which I was NOT going to miss) and had multiple episodes of this random numbness throughout that day and night. 

That Sunday, we made our annual pilgrimage to Burt’s Pumpkin Farm and Hillcrest Orchards, and it would pop up a couple times that day. All in all, from Friday around lunch time to Sunday night, I had probably 20 of these little episodes. 

[Quick important side story: I made two BIG mistakes here, and I’m not afraid to admit them. Mistake number one: I didn’t want to make a big deal out of this, so I did the stereotypical “male” thing and swept it under the rug. I had a wedding to do, and we had our pumpkins and apples trip... and I didn’t want to miss ANY of that... and I absolutely would have. Mistake number two: I didn’t really tell Jill what was going on, and that’s one of my biggest regrets in ALL of this. I needed to tell her, but I didn’t really mention it until Sunday night. This is a mistake I will NEVER make again... and I only share this as a testimony for all married couples on what NOT to do in serious situations like this. We had just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary... and even though we’ve been married a good long time, I still got this wrong... but never again. Okay... back to the main story]

I didn’t have a primary care doctor at the time, so I figured I’d go to the urgent care near my house first thing Monday morning. Now, I realized that an urgent care can’t “fix” this, but I had to start somewhere, right? After I described what I experiencing, the PA did all of normal cognitive tests (”squeeze my fingers”, “What year is it?”, “push against my arms”, and so on). The PA went to talk to the main doctor at the primary care, and while she was gone, I had another episode. I popped my head out of the exam room to let them know. No sooner than I did that, the PA was returning from her conversation with the doctor... and they were ready to point me in the direction I was seeking. That direction was the emergency room.

Jill and I were both working from home that day, so I reached out to her and let her know that I needed to go to the ER. The urgent care wouldn’t let me leave on my own, so I either had to take an ambulance, or have someone come pick me up. Jill ran right up to the urgent care, and off we went to the hospital. 

I showed up at the emergency room VERY nervous and unsure about what would happen, but I explained what was going on, and they checked me in. Remember, this was pre-Covid, so I was able to get in with no issue and very little delay. I reached out to my work supervisor to let him know what was going on and that I’d be away from my desk for a while. All good there. I was taken back to the ER area and got the ball rolling. 

After my vitals were taken, tests were immediately ordered. Luckily, the BIG tests (MRI, CT scan, heart ultrasound) appeared to be normal. *whew* Good news there. I also did the whole gauntlet of blood and urine tests. Now, I always knew that I was pretty overweight and that my eating habits were NOT good. I was also expecting my blood pressure to be less than spectacular (whih it was, of course). I hadn’t taken any medications for cholesterol or BP. This was mainly due to a condition that Jill and the ER nurses referred to as “manitis” (aka male stubbornness). %100 guilty of that FOR SURE. 

While all this is going on, I would have a couple more episodes of that same numbness while sitting in an ER bed. 

I wouldn’t end up talking to him until later in the day, but the Neurologist who ordered and reviewed my tests instructed the staff to inform me that I would be admitted to the hospital right away. That’s when the fear REALLY sunk in.

I was taken to a room on the fifth floor and got settled in. The IV was installed, and I got “dressed” in my gown. Private room, too. Not bad. They continued to monitor my vitals... especially my blood pressure which was still far too high. I was started on a drip and began taking medicine to help my BP. 

The Neurologist came by to tell me what he believed was going on. In his estimation, the numbness was probably caused by blockages in microscopic veins/arteries (NOT a stroke or a series of mini-strokes), so, this was welcomed news. Blockages are treated with cholesterol medication (something I figured was coming at some point). 

It was around this time that another person (a nurse, I believe) came in and said something to the effect of “Oh, and by the way... you have type 2 diabetes.”. Wait, what??

The results of the blood work I had done earlier showed my A1C level was WAY WAY WAY too high. If you’re not familiar with A1C, it’s a three month average of your blood sugar. A normal, healthy person’s A1C is probably 4.5 or so. Mine was 11.1. As my work supervisor said, I should have been in a diabetic coma! That’s an incredibly high and dangerous number. So, not only did I begin treatment for high cholesterol to help ease these numbness episodes, I immediately began treatment for type 2 diabetes. This included regular insulin injections throughout the day... in addition to the medication I had begun taking for the blockages. 

The meds I was taking for the numbness seemed to have worked. I had one last episode around 5:00pm the day I checked in to the hospital. And now, exactly a year later, I haven’t had another one since then. I was told that I would stay the night in the hospital for further observation. If my BP could get under control, I would be able to go home... tomorrow. I was spending the night in the hospital. 

I’m not going to lie. I was incredibly scared at this point. How would I explain to Turner and Sydney what was going on? How long would I have to stay here? Am I going to be okay? What’s actually going on? The questions were swirling. Jill brought the girls up to the hospital that evening and I explained to them, in plain english, exactly what was going on. They understood, which is good... because I didn’t want to hide anything from them (or Jill) anymore. 

A new journey was already underway.

After Jill and the girls left for the night, I had a little bit of a meltdown. Okay, maybe two... but they were interrupted by the constant flow of nurses coming to poke me with needles. I’m a good patient, though, and complied with all of the instructions I was given. The way I figured, if I followed instructions and did what I was told, I would get to go home sooner. 

It worked. I was ultimately discharged at about 5:30 on Tuesday... about 36 hours after arriving.

I met with a diabetic counselor to start the learning process (which is ongoing until this very day). I started on insulin while I was in the hospital and began checking my sugar (finger pricks) 4 times a day. I also made an appointment with a new primary care doctor for later that week. I was on my way!

After meeting with my doctor (which I’ve done regularly for the past year), I was able to get on a path to wellness. I used to eat absolute garbage... and HUGE portions of it, too. I also dropped the diet coke right away. To this day, I still don’t take in ANY caffeine. I immediately went low/no carb, low/no sugar, HIGH protein. I did have to drop beer, which is sad. I really enjoyed my nice, locally crafted IPA’s, but they have WAY too many carbs. I switched to bourbon, though. A suitable replacement, if you ask me. Ha ha! All throughout this process, I found that I have far more self control and will power than I ever imagined. At the risk of sounding cliche’, if *I* can make these changes, literally anyone can. 

In more recent days, I’ve found that I can take in a bit more carbs (and even some sweets) and still keep my sugar under control. I still can only eat smaller portioned meals and get full much quicker than I used to. I’m good for usually one big meal a day (usually dinner). I still keep the carbs way down, though. I’ve been able to learn how my body reacts to certain kinds of carbs and adjust my meals based on that. For instance, pizza doesn’t really affect me too terribly bad. French fries, however, aren’t as good. It’s stuff like that I’ve had to train on. It’s been a lot of trial and error, but in the long run, it’s worth it.

It hasn’t always been easy. There were plenty of times where a delicious piece of cake was waved under my nose... or a big pile of french fries were put in front of me. It was that fear of poor health that kept me away from those things, though. It was the motivation of wanting to walk my daughters up the aisle at both of their weddings. It was the notion of growing old with Jill, holding our grandchildren, and living a FULL. Once I found that motivation, it got easier. 

Early on in the journey, I would do things that weren’t so smart... like purposely withhold meals. I would say I wasn’t hungry, when in truth, I was afraid of food. I’m not proud of this and it’s definitely NOT the way to go. But you have to understand... I was making a complete 180 degree change in my lifestyle, and I didn’t really know what I was doing. There was also a medication had the main purpose of controlling my blood sugar levels. One of its side effects was that it would completely zap my appetite. That also caused me to skip a lot of meals. These days, my appetite is much better and healthier, and I rarely ever skip a meal. If I do, it’s because the previous meal was on the bigger side.

In the months that followed, I would make regular visits to my new doctor (which I still do to this day... about every three months). I have also been able to adjust my medication to almost nothing. Eventually, I was able to drop the insulin (and later, the metformin which is a popular drug for diabetics). I still take one pill to control my sugar as well as medication for cholesterol and blood pressure. 

The main thing that’s helped me was diet... because I HAAAATE exercise. Definitely not a fan. I admit that I probably would have gotten much further much quicker had I done literally ANY kind of exercise, but it is what it is. These days, I could probably stand to do some kind of exercise just to tone up what I have... and what I have is still kind of a “dad bod”... it’s just 85 pounds lighter than it used to be. ha ha!

I’ve had to get a completely new wardrobe, too! I went from a 40 inch waist to a loose 34 (33 would be perfect). I was squeezing into XL sized shirts (2X in some cases)... now, I’m mostly wearing size MEDIUM. Depending on the brand, LG shirts are sometimes a bit too loose. I tell ya what... the clothing part ALONE absolutely blows my mind! I had taken MANY BIG BAGS of clothes to a local thrift store. Also, we took Turner and Sydney to Old Navy a couple weeks ago to get new pants for the fall. While we were there, I decided to try on a couple shirts. You see, Old Navy doesn’t make clothes for people like me (or like how I used to be). The occasional XL sized t-shirt, maybe. But generally speaking, Old Navy wasn’t my store. Well, not only was I able to fit into a shirt, it was MEDIUM sized... not even large! Not gonna lie...I teared up a bit. That was a moment for sure. I brought home about 6 or 7 new shirts for the fall that day. I mean, wow.

I’ve been writing this blog in my heads for several months, and I feel like I’ve gotten everything written out, so I’ll wrap this up. I never knew how miserable I was before until I actually got healthy. I feel better now than I ever remember feeling. I’m sleeping better (and not snoring anymore, according to Jill), I have SO much more energy, and life, in general, is just.... better. 

As of today, I’m 85 pounds down, my blood pressure and cholesterol are at normal, healthy levels, and most importantly, my A1C is 5.0... well below the diabetic range. Even though my numbers are good, I’ll *always* be a diabetic, so I’ll always have to be careful about what I eat. 

Thank you to everyone who has expressed their congratulations. It means a lot... and hearing “Wow, you look great!” never (NEVER) gets old.

[prorevenge]

Treat me like garbage for 3+ years and try to deny me my unemployment? We'll see about that.

This is a bit of a long one, so strap in, grab some popcorn, and enjoy. Happened some years ago. If you find any spelling or grammar errors. Keep them and breed them, they make great pets. Tl;dr at the bottom.

So some background; due to some personal reasons, I needed a new start. Years ago, I moved cross country to a state famous for its mountains, colours, and legal drug use. Since I had some family that wanted me to drive some items they'd stored on the eastern coast of the US to the state. I agreed and decided on moving since I could easily transfer all of my schooling to another college in the area. My folks were abusive and I moved out about a week after getting a job, but this isn't about them.

Enter my old boss. They came from the kind of money that paid their way into an ivy league school and owns several properties around town. Their also the sort of person who stopped their birth control just to get pregnant and keep their equally douchey boyfriend around. Just some background and used to establish character.

The Details & Background

My new job was working as an assistant. I thought that it was odd that the interview was at a Starbucks, but I needed the job. I accepted minimum wage as a 1099 employee--yes I know I was dumb at the time, don't worry, I've learned better--and started. My new workplace was out of their basement. Odd, but I'm a good guy, so I roll with it.

Folks I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say I worked sometimes upwards of 70+ hours a week. This was a job that was pitched to me as "part-time." After months there, I did everything from answering phones, running social media and websites, drafting estimates, doing all IT work, some minor cleaning, and generally trying to help out this business in any way I could. I bent over backwards and then some more. Years later I realized I set an impossibly high standard for myself and others as the first employee of this business.

Fast forward to some years in the future. I had left due to some stress-related health concerns. Essentially, I had a small stroke because of the stress and berating. I later came back, as I was and still am a very "pay it forward" person. And felt that I owed the company for getting me a start in an industry that got me out of retail. I've since learned better in this respect too.

The work environment was never great. Any small mistake was treated as a large offense. Instead of this being a red flag to me; I doubled down. Did beyond my best to check all work and even taught myself some coding and server management that would help the business. Business started to pick up and we were soon busy enough to be able to afford a new location (I had suggested leasing a place near our primary clientele). We also needed to hire more staff since the workload was too much for two people.

Before I left the first time, I had trained two office personnel. The company had also promoted me. As anyone who has worked in a small business can tell you, you'll wear a lot of hats. So my job title was somewhere around Estimator/IT/Office Manager/Field Representative. The owner had also bought a house in a residential neighborhood with the intention of renovating it to be our new office.

Problems & Red Flags

Well... any business has it's problems, here's the ones for this company: -New office was a house. The lot was zoned for residential. This was apparent at the time of purchase. -While homeowners can pull permits, you have to actually pull the permit for the work. -We couldn't keep staff or subs to save our life. Turn over was ridiculous. -The owner was using the business accounts as their personal accounts. -Anytime the owner came back in; all staff were expected to drop what they were doing and listen to their tirade and demands. Gods help you if you forgot anything or didn't do it to their exact--sometimes incorrect--specifications. Or the specifications they came up with and didn't tell you about. -The owner would scream, shout, and fume with staff. -The owner dated subs. -The owner often requested that I forge or backdate paperwork. (I'm a notary, this is not only illegal, but I could lose that privilege.) -The owner and other workers would smoke pot on the premises. (I'm cool with recreational use, but don't partake myself.) -We would have to constantly juggle credit cards, accounts, and other funds, often begging the owner to be able to pay our supplier(s) to end the throng of endless, angry phone calls and emails asking for payment. -The owner was a serial appointment canceller. Often, I had appointments dropped into my lap past the time I would need to actually travel there and arrive on time.

After more than three combined years of verbal abuse, threats and demands for payment, dealing with a revolving door of angry staff, and having more than one occasion where subs threatened me and the office staff for not being paid; I was ready to leave. I put in my notice as I was having the same stress-related health issues.

The owner panicked and offered to sit down and talk things out. I had no intention of going back to working for $13/hr, with no benefits, and dealing with downright childish behaviour. I hadn't even been sat down for an interview, offered any sort of salary when I came back, and jumped in because they desperately needed the help. I knew that and got straight to work.

But here we were in a public shop, talking things over and I explained the issues in this toxic environment and how it was affecting me. Why I was leaving and that I was sorry things had turned out this way.

To my surprise, they came back with a counteroffer for a fair wage, praised my work, threw in some benefits, and offered to let me work from home for a large percentage of the week. I was still working on lining up a better job at the time and due to a series of equally bad employment situations before; don't work for a GC if you can help it, I needed to rebuild my savings. I agreed and had written proof of this agreement.

Three months go by and for nearly every week I've received multiple calls after my shift asking, why I haven't been doing (x, y, z) task. Why (insert insurance or customer name) hasn't paid up yet. And, of course, being called into the office more due to the "needs of the business." Anytime I'm in the office I'm putting out more fires than the New York Fire Department. Their bookkeeping assistant treats me like garbage. Anytime I had to teach them how to use a new system or even Excel, I'm met with opposition, stubbornness, and later would receive complaints about how I was "being condescending" to them. (In truth, they were very computer illiterate and unqualified for their position.) But they worked for next to nothing and would flatter the owner. They were generally two-faced and a brown-noser.

The company also had a new office manager since I was working on mostly estimates and negotiations. This was one of the two I had trained and they were a sweetheart. They deserved more than they got there and were days where I had found them breaking down crying. The owner treated them worse than they had treated me and so did their "bookkeeper." I felt sorry for them and eventually, they were fired. It's unfortunate, but they are doing better now from what I've heard.

Well, when the office manager was fired, bookkeeper and the owner drafted up a TON of fake write-ups. Backdating them, forging signatures, and generally trying to make them look like the worst worker to ever exist.

I was upset. This was someone who had been in a similar position that I had been in; saved from the world of retail and trying to gain experience to get a better job. They were a hard worker and set the standard impossibly high. The customers loved them and they ran the office like a well-oiled machine. I honestly think that they had done a better job than I had in some respects.

I brought up how the office manager as indicated by the write-up form was entitled to a copy of the form. That backdating and what was done here was not only inappropriate but illegal. Both bookkeeper and the owner brushed off what I said.

Big red flag.

At this point, I started looking for other work. I was in the office nearly every day and I had even gotten there early enough to open up on most days, then close. I was miserable and kept having chest pains due to the stress. During this time, I was trying to get approval to go on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) since I am trans. In order to qualify, you have to be of certain health requirements. Having a high BP will disqualify you for very valid health reasons.

Due to where I live, I had to drive over an hour away to be seen for these services. Bummer, but I do it anyway. It takes over six months to get an appointment, where I'm told that I need to lower my blood pressure, or I can't safely start HRT.

I'm devastated, I cried, I got seriously depressed, and it only made things worse. To the point that my toxic work environment had stressed me beyond stressed. I came home one day, walked past my roommate like a zombie, went into the shower in our bathroom fully clothed, turned on the cold water, and just... laid there for an hour.

My roommate had been urging me to quit. Seeing the employer abuse, how upset I was, and how my depression was starting to spiral out of control again. Instead of quitting, I put together a solid business plan, job descriptions, improved workflows, and really just a huge document on "How to Unfuck Your Business." Presented the product of several hours of my own time to the owner. Who dismissed it in a loud bar where we could barely hear each other.

After three more months of waiting and trying to prompt change that would never come, I quit.

The Revenge

Since I had left without lining up another, immediate job; and frankly, need therapy, I applied for unemployment benefits due to health reasons. In my country, you can be awarded benefits if you meet a set of strict criteria. Which, after a good day of research, I realized I did meet.

I had never applied for unemployment in my life and having grown up with family that were a mix of benefits fraud poster children and welfare queens; I never wanted to "use the system." But I had bills to pay and needed the time off to pick up my mental pieces after everything that had happened and I was going through. My roommate and I were running low on our savings, so I needed the unemployment.

Swallowing down my pride, I applied and after over a month of back and forth and paperwork; I received my unemployment award.

We breathed a sigh of relief as I continued to recover and look for work. Three months go by and we're past the period of an employer being able to dispute a claim. Again, sigh of relief. I was nearly certain that they were going to try and file against me.

Well, I was right. Turns out they had lied and gotten an extension, filed against my claim. Claiming that I was fired for poor performance.

I was livid.

How dare they insinuate that I did anything less than give 100% at that festering hole of toxicity they called an office! I worked well past my shifts, I had learned and set up the systems and documents they used for nearly everything, and I had treated their company as though it was my own. Sacrificing time, sanity, health, and even some of my own equipment to ensure it succeeded. I kept going when so many had walked away from the dumpster fire that was their business.

Fuck this.

Fuck the owner and fuck this. I immediately and angrily started my research to build my case.

I read the document and the "hearing" was scheduled as a phone hearing in front of a deputy representing the department. There's also a deadline to submit supporting documents. The very latest you could submit documentation for both the former employee and employer was within 24 hours before the scheduled hearing.

Over the next three or so weeks I gathered up years worth of notes from medical providers I had seen, statements from former employees, witnesses to both my mental state and the state of the office environment, etc.

When the office manager had left, they filed for unemployment (which they were justified in). The owner had laughed, drafted up false write-up forms, filed for an extension, and the office manager's claim was decided that the office manager didn't have enough proof and documentation--they hadn't bothered to turn in any--and lost their claim. Which means that the claimant has to pay back any money awarded. The owner and bookkeeper laughed and carried on, bragging about their "handiwork."

Now, I knew that there was going to be a fresh stack of fake write-up forms with my name all over them. I was the one who had authored the write-up forms. I've never once had a write-up form in any job I've worked. I waited until 10 minutes before the deadline, used an online faxing service, and faxed over copies of all of my supporting documents to both the former employer and the deputy for the hearing. Leaving the company no time to turn in any documentation. I kept copies of the faxes to both of them, along with the successful notification that they had been received by both parties.

If they had any documentation, they had to send it to both parties. Since I hadn't gotten anything from them or the deputy, I knew I was the only one walking in with ammo.

Upon further research, I discovered that I could attend the hearing in person. Which, I was more than happy too. Armed with a bulging folder full of evidence, collared shirt, tie, and a beaming smile on my face, I shook hands with the deputy and they called my former employer.

Bookkeeper answers the phone, we're sworn in, all documentation is listed and verified that it has been received, and they give the employer's side of the story.

My gods, to say that they bashed me would be an understatement. Speed bumps take less abuse. "I didn't work." "My work was sloppy." "I was rude to customers." "I refused to go into the office," and so on.

At this point, I'm honestly doing my best to keep quiet and not laugh. They even tried to say that because I was trans, I left because of that. Makes no sense, but ok. I give my statement; which I had written out and practiced several times before this hearing. All the while bookkeeper continually interrupts me and the deputy has to tell them to let me speak, as I did the same for them.

I finish and we start going through the evidence.

Of COURSE bookkeeper is waffling, saying they have evidence (emails and write-ups, both easy to fake since they controlled my employee email account) and starting to reference evidence that neither I or the deputy have received. The deputy has to interrupt them and state that anything they have is inadmissible since they didn't turn it in before the generous deadline.

They are livid and I can tell in the background that the owner is feeding them things to say. (Bookkeeper is not the sharpest spoon in the knife drawer.) Which was an old habit of theirs for anyone who answered the phone in the office.

I spend my sweet, sweet time going through the mountain of evidence I have. I'm interrupted several times and politely ask in my most honeyed of tones, "Bookkeeper, I let you speak freely, can you please do the same for me?"

They are livid. Both the deputy and I could hear the seething rage over the phone and the poor deputy just rolls their eyes over the course of the hour. Having to remind bookkeeper that they are under oath. As they made several contradicting statements. After hearing the evidence from both sides and several claims by bookkeeper of, "This is the owner's 'bread and butter,' you're taking food from their kid's mouths." To which, I calmly reply, "Oh! Excuse me bookkeeper, I'll keep that in mind during this hearing, and when I go to pay rent." The deputy got a chuckle out of that but had to ask me to "keep it civil."

To add to this buttery, decadent roll of sweet, sweet revenge; one of my witnesses was called who was a former employee. Not only did they back up my story, but they got to enjoy jabbing them back too.

Needless to say, a few weeks later I got the results of the hearing and the deputy had ruled in my favour. There was a period of time where both parties were welcome to repeal the decision and we would appear in another hearing. At that time, recordings of the exchange would be made available to both parties. They never repealed.

You would think this would be the end of my revenge. Admittedly, it's not bad, but not pro revenge material yet.

It Gets Better

Before I had left, one of the many bills that had been perpetually left unpaid were the insurances for the company. Which included their unemployment insurance. I smiled each time I deposited my check, knowing full well that there was a very real possibility that over 7k of my unemployment came directly from them.

But I wasn't done. My professionalism had been insulted and dragged through the mud.

You see, I knew nearly everything that was going on in that company. I had made their systems, documents, edited contracts, and was ingrained in nearly every aspect of their operation. I knew they were facing an audit by their former insurance provider.

I called their former insurer and spoke with the auditor. I detailed all of the OSHA, federal, and state violations. I also informed them of the paperwork forging that I had seen while I was there and of several unsafe practices. They thanked me for my time and I happily ended the call.

Next stop, the IRS. I made a report and gave detailed information in regards to their records and even provided why they were not able to file on time. Again thanked for my time and honesty.

Afterward, I decided to touch up with a few of my friends with the regional building department. They were more than happy to listen.

In the three years I had worked there, I had the opportunity to meet and get to know several local businesses and their assistants around town. I spent the next two weeks calling and emailing several key businesses in the area that were their suppliers, vendors, subs, and labour suppliers. I never said an untrue word, asked if they had time to talk, and summarily, was thanked for my time. Funny thing about their assistants too; they control scheduling and well, answer the phones. I'm on good terms with several of them and they backed my story.

Wouldn't you know it, their business address was mysteriously devoid of their trailer, equipment, and signs not long after. They still have an online presence and probably will as long as their family continues to bail them out.

I'm writing this after years because after working for several bad employers, I now have a good job with an amazing company that supports me. It's the result of my years of experience, credentials, and having to eat shit for all those years.

Tl;dr: Abusive employer abuses employees, tries to deny me unemployment, drags me through the mud during the hearing. I not only win my case, but report them enough to drive them out of their location and likely, business.

(source) story by (/u/27thFrequency)

[theaceace]

@hairdryertrash I hope it’s ok, but I may have written a thing thanks your amazing response to my post about the archive staff people-watching. Specifically the bit about it being from an outside perspective. Also, I don’t have the guts to write a full statement/statement-worthy background for random passers-by, but hopefully this will do! Enjoy?

Statement of Millie Wardell, regarding a group of customers; recorded? Statement begins:

I wouldn’t call them regulars, because that would imply that they have any sort of discernible pattern or routine, which I can promise you they don’t. They’re never here at the same time twice, rarely all together, and every time I see them, they look worse. There are some things that are pretty consistent across all of their visits, but for the most part, it’s all just… random.

And yes, I know that pretty much nothing is ever really random – I did occasionally pay attention in school. But if there is any sort of logic to them and their decisions – their conversations – I haven’t managed to figure it out yet.

One of them’s been coming here for a few years, on and off – I can still mostly recognise him, although he looks pretty different now to when he first started coming in. I remember he was always sort of stooped, and a bit stuffy-looking, and I don’t think his glasses ever fit right because they were always sliding down his nose. Maybe that’s why he wears contacts these days. Somehow, when I think of him, I still remember him like that – not as he is now, with shadows under his eyes fit to swallow his hollowed cheeks, and scars littering what little skin he leaves visible.

He used to come in very infrequently with a few other people that I guess he worked with – I saw them much more often than I did him, but they haven’t been by in a while. They were lovely; always had time to stop and chat for a few minutes.

I’m pretty sure his name is Jon – I’ve just realised, I’ve been going on about this bloke and I haven’t even mentioned his name. But yes, I’m sure that’s it. He got coffee to take away a couple of times, and I remember writing it on the side of the cup thinking, yeah that seems about right. He looks like a Jon.

I don’t remember what the others were called – I’m not really sure that I ever knew.

These days, he comes in trailing after people I hesitate to call his friends, because he never looks overly happy to be in their presence. Maybe it’s just that he doesn’t want to be here. Or they’re new co-workers that he has to make nice with or something, I don’t know. There’s a few of them, and they turn up at all hours, every combination of them imaginable; but always with Jon.

Today all four of the new ones are here. They come in quickly out of the heavy drizzle, quickly scuffing their shoes on the matt and shucking off their coats as they claim a corner spot in the window. It’s usually empty when they arrive – if you ask me, it’s because of the cobwebs that stubbornly cling high in the corner and on the ceiling, no matter how much we wave the end of the hoover up there. It never seems to bother them, though. That or they’ve never noticed, and I’m not going to be the one to point it out to them.

Jon usually orders for everyone, and it’s never quite the same thing twice.

He walks straight up to me; the line that had been almost to the door five minutes ago is gone. It always is when they arrive. He orders two coffees today (one in the largest size we do and as strong as I can make it, one with peppermint) one mug of tea (the only consistent item of his order, I know exactly how he takes it) and a large strawberry shortcake milkshake. I open my mouth to tell him that we don’t do milkshakes, but something makes me pause. I turn to look at the specials board, frowning, and sure enough – there it is. On the board that I wrote first thing this morning. I then open my mouth to tell him a little white lie that I’m very sorry, but we’ve run out, and close it again. There’s no point. I know the recipe. I know where the ingredients will be. I tell myself that at least today it’s a fairly sensible flavour combination.

Jon hands me the exact change before I have a chance to tell him the total, and then drops a couple of quid in the tip jar on the counter. In his defence, he’s always been a reasonable tipper, and I’m willing to forgive a lot for that.

I tell him I’ll bring the drinks over as soon as they’re done; he nods, heads over to their table, and I try very hard to focus on what I’m doing rather than the snippets of conversation I can hear over the radio. It’s a moderately successful attempt – people tend to forget about me when they’re having important, confidential talks. Not that these guys ever seem to talk about anything too important or confidential, as far as I can tell. Mostly they just people-watch.

Alright, look. I like a bit of people-watching; who doesn’t? It’s a pretty good way to pass the time on the tube, or waiting for a bus, or during a slow shift or something. But them? They people-watch on a whole other level. Like a competitive sport or something. Champion people-watchers, ha!

Sorry.

By the time I make my way over, they’ve finished talking about the fire at one of the BP offices that’s been all over the news – and for the sake of my sanity, I decide it’s best if I ignore the way they talked so familiarly about Jude up to her old tricks again. They all murmur thanks as I set their drinks down in front of them, and by now I have a pretty good idea of who is having what.

The extra-large, extra-caffeinated cup goes to the young woman sat closest to the window. She never meets my eyes, very rarely shifts her gaze from the outside world, but she is unfailingly polite, and always stacks everyone’s mugs to bring back to counter as they leave, so I think she’s my favourite. Her hijab today is a soft blue, and when she reaches for her coffee, I see that her nails have been shakily painted to match. Her hands are always perfectly steady, so I suspect it’s the handiwork of her – partner? Friend? I���ve never been too sure what the deal is there, but they seem to be getting pretty close. I’m glad – there’s always been a bit of weird vibe between them.

Peppermint coffee next – she always has strong flavours that one, but never anything too rich. I remember the first time she came in with them all, she ordered for herself; so that was already pretty strange, since everyone else had always just let Jon order for them. Normally it wouldn’t even register – people ask for weird things all the time – but for some reason, her word choice really stood out to me. She shivered a little, stared me down, and said she didn’t want anything heavy or cloying. She then gave her name as Daisy, asked for a takeaway cup, and marched unsteadily out of the door as soon as she had her drink in hand.

I mean, I just figured she was one of these people that was really sensitive to certain flavours or something, but now I don’t think that’s it. I don’t know what it is, and I suppose it doesn’t really matter. She’s never complained about any of the drinks, so I guess it can’t be too bad.

I smile at her and Daisy smiles back, quick and sharp and I’m taken aback all over again by how much yellow there is in her brown eyes; it takes me a moment to unfreeze my muscles long enough to put the drink down. The grin falters and drops. Without looking, her possible-girlfriend – I want to say Basira, but I might be wrong – reaches across and places a gentle hand on her knee. It looks like it should be reassuring, but she only twitches slightly and shifts until Basira’s hand slides away.

It isn’t hard to continue like I didn’t just see that slightly awkward exchange – I used to work in retail, I’m accustomed to pretending I didn’t see all kinds of things.

The milkshake I set down between the other two women – Helen has already produced from the miraculous depths of her bag a couple of those curly straws that make everything three times as hard to drink. I didn’t know they made them iridescent now, but they look pretty cool. She and… Melanie? Yeah, Melanie, they always share a drink, which is pretty cute. I try not to stare too much. Not just because it’s rude, and I don’t want them to think I’m being – I don’t know, homophobic or something – but because it always gives me a thumping headache.

And finally, I set Jon’s mug of tea down in front of him. He’s tucked the furthest into the corner, almost sinking into the ancient armchair. I barely hear him thank me as I turn to hurry back to the counter. Not that there are any more customers to see to; it’s just that I can’t bear to be so close to them all for any stretch of time. The prickling on the back of my neck becomes unbearable, and I always feel like I can’t catch my breath.

But that, of course, is their cue to begin.

It’s usually Melanie that starts off their weird little game – her movements unsubtle and impatient as she points out some poor passer-by. Pickings are slim today, and she points to the lone soul daft enough to brave the weather without a coat.

“Desolation,” she says boldly, like that’s a normal thing to say while pointing to a total stranger. I mean, I try not to judge them too harshly – apart from Helen, they all look exhausted, and I guess this is some sort of weird stress relief. But still. Desolation? What? I start wiping down the machine and idly sorting the dishwasher in an attempt to look like I’m not listening.

“Not saying I disagree,” Daisy says in a tone that sounds a lot like she does disagree and doesn’t care who knows it. “But we’re going to need a little more than that.”

Jon interrupts, an odd faraway look on his face at he picks up – oh shit, is that one of the corner spiders? Oh fuckfuck, it’s huge, what is he; oh, god, he’s put it back on a web in the corner what the fuck?

“Martin can’t make it,” he says, and I guess that means something to them all, because they nod with varying degrees of disappointment on their faces. I hurriedly turn back to stacking cups, and try very hard to forget that I ever saw the damn spider. If it’s still there by the time I need to close up I’ll have to get Ed from upstairs to come down and deal with it.

“Don’t think that means you’re getting out of it,” I hear Helen say, and it sounds like she’d smiling a little. Well, no. I’ve seen her smiles and none of them are little. They stretch wide across her face, although her eyes never seem to change shape with it.

“Yeah yeah, I know.”

I start to shuffle the cutlery around a little louder than is strictly necessary – I never like this part.

At first, I remember thinking they were some sort of weird writing or improv group or something. It’s not completely unheard of – we get quite a few, um, hipsters would probably be the polite way of describing them, so I just assumed that that’s what they were doing. But then I recognised Jon after a couple of visits as the dour academic-looking guy that hadn’t been in for nearly a year, and that theory sort of fizzled out.

So now I don’t know. The stories they come up with are – well, they unsettle me. Some of them are genuinely frightening, and I’ve woken up from more than a few nightmares to visions of insect swarms filling the pockets of all my clothes, and my shadow leeching up my legs leaving necrotic flesh in its wake, and my fingernails peeling away from my hands with long ribbons of skin still attached. Some of them are just a little weird, but I can never predict what sort of a day it’s going to be, so the less I have to hear, the better.

Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. From what I’ve heard about their job, it sounds intense.

I only catch snippets today. Melanie talks about a fever, about refusing to wear a coat in the depths of winter, then a jumper, about trips to a doctor, a specialist, about thermometers beeping too high to read. I don’t hear the end – I’m luckily distracted by the phone ringing. It’s with no small amount of relief that I chat about delayed deliveries – apparently there’s been some sort of tunnel collapse on one of the routes. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see Jon sink further down into his chair when I repeat that, clutching his tea like a lifeline. Or maybe I’m just projecting, because when I turn to properly look, he’s once again sat staring intently outside with his elbows on his knees.

By the time I hang up, they’ve moved onto a new target. Helen and Basira argue good-naturedly about whether someone called Jared would be interested in this one; they keep going on about body-image. Daisy teasingly asks Basira for evidence, which starts them off again while Melanie laughs around her straw and Jon tilts his head, greying hair hanging low over his eyes.

For a while, their banter almost sounds normal. Melanie chimes in with a comment about how this person looked lonely, before tensing suddenly with a panicked look at Jon, who waves a hand like he needs to physically brush the words away.

“With the size of that bloody family she may already be, and no-one would ever know, least of all them,” Jon says, and Melanie’s surprised bark of laughter is echoed by Helen’s soft titters and a disgusted noise from Basira.

“Is that a yes?” Melanie asks excitedly, leaning forward so fast she nearly knocks her glass over. Helen steadies it, although I don’t know how – she doesn’t seem to move, and I know there’s no way she could reach from where she’s sat without moving at least a little.

“Better luck next time, I suppose,” Jon shrugs. “You too, Helen, Basira.”

“Tell us then, Archivist. Don’t leave us in suspense.” Helen doesn’t lean forwards, exactly, but I suddenly have the impression that she’s much closer to Jon than she was a few seconds ago.

Jon’s eyes flick between them – the only part of him that moves – before he looks at me. His eyes have a sheen to them, I realise. I’ve never really looked too hard before, always kept my gaze somewhere around the bridge of his nose, but now I feel. I feel.

God. I feel seen.

“What, it isn’t obvious?” He asks, and his voice is light. Teasing. I try to blink and find that I can’t.

Finally, finally, he turns back to them, and across his face, every one of his freckles – no.

No.

I will not say they blink, I won’t, I fucking didn’t see that, I –

“She’s for Beholding.”

I don’t hear anything else. I don’t know if they don’t talk, or if I’m just oblivious to the rest of their conversation, but they leave quite quickly after that. I go through the motions of closing up automatically, even though we should be open for another hour and a half. I can’t bring myself to care. I know there won’t be any more customers today.

I don’t know why I’m so unsettled. Of all the things I’ve heard come out of that man’s mouth, this is nothing. It’s nothing. I’m not thinking about it, I’m just focusing on sweeping, then mopping, and I’m definitely not, absolutely not, thinking about the horrendous itch that’s been burning at the outside corners of my eyes.

Except I am – I blink rapidly, although there are no tears gathering, and pull my phone out of my pocket. I don’t know who to call. My brother’s still at work, my parents won’t want to hear my rambling about this, and none of my friends are the sort of people to take it seriously. I don’t even know that I take it seriously. Honestly, I don’t even know what it is. I scroll down through my contacts twice before I come to a decision.

“Hello?” she says on the third ring, and I take a shaking breath.

“Hi, sorry, Georgie? Are you free? I think I need to talk to someone.”

[lilyvandersteen]

Hey, do you have any werewolf!Klaine fics to recommend. And/or possessive/jealous Kurt or Blaine fics? Please and thank you! :)

Hey @darriness! Thanks for asking. Please find the two lists below. They got kind of long, but somehow I don’t think you’ll mind :-) Happy reading! Hugs, Marjan

Werewolf Fic

I haven't read much werewolf fic, I'm afraid. It’s not really my thing. Apart from @caramelcoffeeaddict’s excellent Reflections verse, which no doubt you’ve read already, these are the werewolf Klaine fics I know of (most of which I haven’t read):

Being Wolves verse by Verseau_87

Back from New York and visiting his parent's during summer vacation, Kurt (literally) bumps into Blaine. Another werewolf like him. Their love is quick and easy, but it seems life is never that simple. Trying to enjoy their time together and merge their respective packs, they both must navigate being in love, over coming every obstacle along the way.

Blueberry Moon by @framby

After a terrible fight between rival packs Kurt, the Hunter in chief of his town, is left to deal with a lonely Alpha who just lost everything. Kurt did not know what to expect but it definitely wasn't a bunch of wolves making themselves at home at his place.

Claim by @rightonthelimits-blog (sequel: Oath)

One night, when a lonely witch named Kurt woke up from a werewolf’s pained cries, he never expected that said werewolf would become his mate.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by @sorrowsofyore

Kurt's life has always been held together by Pack and family.  Now, faced with with adversity, he's struggling to find a place in a world he doesn't believe in.

Don't Tell Anyone by heavenorspace

Kurt is an advanced student attending Dalton’s elite campus extension run entirely by hybrids. Blaine is a wolf hybrid professor in his prime who Kurt seduces and then reports all the juicy details in an email to his friend.

For Which I Have to Howl by @emilianadarling

Werewolf AU. Tension is rising in the pack, and having the very-human Kurt Hummel come to visit his brother and boyfriend is putting a strain on everyone. Having Blaine and Kurt mate should help the problem, but the process proves to be more complicated – both physically and emotionally – than either of them could have imagined.

Full Moon by the_girl_without_a_face

"I’m a werewolf.” "Oh I know.” "... What?!"

Give Me A Part of You by @slightestwind

Blaine has always had an innocent fascination with Kurt’s nipples, even before they started courting. But when they meet again as teenagers, his obsession plays into Kurt's omega instincts until mating and starting a family together is something they both desperately want.

Going to the Chapel, and we're... verse by @fictionallylost/Lostinfictionalworlds

AU. Blaine is a Werewolf. Kurt is a Vampire. This is a series of oneshots up until they come together in holy matrimony.

Heart of One by coribird  (heed the warnings) 

In which the boys are werewolves but Kurt has no idea what Blaine claiming him as a mate really entails. Reposted from this prompt at the GKM. 

Hounds of God by darkkixie

Kurt is a werewolf hunter and protector of the small town of Lima. This has been his existant since he was a small boy until a new pack comes into the picture and everything around Kurt comes undone under the watchful eyes of an Alpha. KurtxBlaine, Werewolf Blaine COMPLETE 

Howlin' verse by @klainebowsanddramioneflies

A collection of 'drabbles' (they're really more like oneshots, but *shrug*) with werewolf!badboy!Blaine and human!Kurt (eventually werewolf!Kurt). Very kinky smut. There's also plot. But there's a lot of kink. So...

I'd Walk to You (If I Could Trust My Feet) by @luthien82

Kurt Hummel is a born werewolf. A born Alpha. He's telling you what to do and you will like it. And he is NOT OKAY with the fact that for some reason, he wants to submit to Blaine Anderson, Alpha wolf of Westerville. 

Just Like Magic by @slightestwind

Fairy!bp!Kurt meets werewolf!Blaine, who is in search of a mate.

Lycan verse by @triddlegrl

Kurt thinks he's getting a dog, but what he actually gets is Blaine, an alpha werewolf in exile for crimes against The Guild. Blaine thinks he's getting a new jailer, but what he actually gets is Kurt, the only man who has ever made him feel not quite so alone.

Night by @purseplayer 

Kurt had only given his boyfriend a hickey - he had no idea it would have consequences like this! 

Running on All Fours by sereko

One impulsive night, Kurt agrees to let Elliot bite him and become his Alpha. Something Blaine is very interested to find out on his next visit to NYC. 

Serendipity verse by @whatstheproblembaby

Vampire Kurt decides to go spy on the New Directions' werewolf competition for Sectionals. He doesn't plan on going in the building, but some instincts demand to be followed. 

Species by DreamingKate

Interspecies relationships didn’t exist. That’s why they had to keep this quiet.

The Four Strongest verse by @faerietalegal

Four boys, each has three names on their wrist.. they are soul bound to each other.

They have hills to climb, family to help find their soul mates, and someone has some healing to do.

The Life of a Werewolf verse by karanoaoi

Wolves mate for life once an Alpha claims their Omega mate, but the ways of choosing your mate are changing from the traditional meets where all non-mated wolves of age are thrown in together and you end up with a mate. Alphas still have to start a mating run, but what if the Omega has their eye on a certain Alpha? Follow the Anderson and Hummel families through these changes. A generational fic starting with Grandma Anderson and going through Kurt and Blaines generation. 

The Wax verse by @skivvysupreme

Kurt Hummel is a vampire. Blaine Anderson is a werewolf. This is how they help each other deal with it.

Twilight Klaine verse by @quizasvivamos  (also this ficlet)

Vampire!Kurt & Werewolf!Blaine: Kurt has been on the run for almost a century, eventually finding himself in Lima, Ohio. While hunting in unfamiliar woods one night, Kurt comes face to face with a beautiful young boy who saves him from an even worse fate. Kurt is drawn to the boy and must battle temptation to keep from making an unforgivable mistake. But what will happen when Kurt finds out the boy has secrets of his own?

Werewolf? I Don't Know, You Saw Him Last by MerikaG

Blaine's life has never been a picnic, but as the age of Choosing looms ever closer, he decides anything is better than the future his Father has chosen for him.  Running away is his only choice, but if he can't find a place among his neighbors, the Heartsong Pack, it may be his last.  Of course, if they eat him that will solve his problems, too.

Werewolf!Blaine verse by Pterodactyl

klaine advent drabble challenge day 8: human

warnings: d/s-y klaine with sub!blaine, werewolves, blaine’s parents being borderline physically/emotionally abusive assholes.

in this ‘verse, werewolves are known to the public but mostly shunned because of some incidents with attacks and stuff. not much of their biology/dynamics are known to non-werewolves.

Werewolf Blaine verse by @skintightsocksfic

Blaine's eyes are dark, much darker than Kurt ever remembers them being, and Kurt's going to have to start marking Blaine's freaky werewolf mating season on his calendar if it gets Blaine to act like this, all uninhibited and desperate to be close to Kurt, to taste him, to have sex with him.

Also pretty much every fic by https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2914721/porcelain_bird

~~~~~~

Possessive/Jealous Klaine

Possessive/jealous Klaine, on the other hand, is totally my jam. Please find below some of my favourites:

5 Times Blaine Misunderstands by jujuberry136

Wherein the Dalton boys mess with Blaine’s head and Blaine is really kind of an idiot.

Better Late Than Never by flyblckbirdfly

Five years in the future, AU where the boys have always been friends, but never romantic. On a night out, one gets hit on, causing the other to realize their true feelings after all this time.

Careful, The Beverage You Are About To Enjoy is Extremely Hot by @munchkinpandas24

“He read somewhere that it was one of Starbucks’ brilliant marketing strategies to maintain at least one completely dreamy (gorgeous, ravishing, steamy, prettiest of the pretty) guy behind the counter at any given shift. Nicely done, Starbucks. It seemed Kurt found his absolute favorite.”

Charm by @dont-stop-believin-in-klaine

Sometimes Blaine was just too damn charming for his own good.

Clubbing Nights by @loveheartlover

Kurt and Blaine don't go clubbing often, but when they do? It's spectacular.

Come Here Boy by sugakane_01

What Blaine Anderson wants, Blaine Anderson gets and he's determined that Kurt Hummel will be no exception. When Kurt becomes more than a conquest, Blaine shows just how far the boy who has everything is willing to go for love.

Daisies in Green Pastures by @hazelandglasz

Imagine Person B of your OTP getting a pet for Person A, but soon became jealous of the pet for getting so much of Person A’s attention.

Dark Bars and Desperate Measures by @quizasvivamos

After the conclusion of their sophomore year of high school, best friends Kurt and Blaine make a pact to get out of Lima and escape to New York City together, a place where dreams are said to come true. Nearly six years later, feeling stuck during his final year at NYADA and desperate to prove his worth, Kurt forms a rock band, enlisting the help of Blaine. While hurtling along on the fast track to fame and fortune, a clashing of egos, jealousy, and latent feelings threaten to derail all they’ve been working toward.

Dirt on Your Name by @sabbypandawan

Blaine Anderson is NYU’s most notorious lothario. Everybody knows his name, and people either warn each other off him or vie for his attention. So when Blaine meets Kurt Hummel at a party their dorm is hosting for the newly moved-in freshmen, he expects either rejection or, more likely, approval – and gets so much more than he ever would have guessed, and had definitely never hoped for. 

Discovering Jealousy by @janrea

Blaine Anderson's Five Steps to Embracing His Jealous Side    Bonus for being exactly who he is. 

Drowning in Jealousy by @hazelandglasz

One time Kurt got jealous of BlaineOne time Blaine got jealous of Kurt

Far Beneath the Bitter Snow by @hazelandglasz

What happens when instead of falling for the Bachelor, Kurt and Blaine fall for each other?

Finders, Keepers by Lexie (and the prequel: Possession Is Nine Tenths Of The Law)

Kurt and Blaine technically tagged along on Blaine's dad's New York business trip so that they could tour college campuses, but the trip also has its fringe benefits. Like: an entire day spent roaming the city with Blaine. Even if Blaine isn't responding very gracefully to the unexpected attention that Kurt finds himself receiving.

First by @fleshandfantasies

"Every guy that touched you, every man you went out with, I hated him. I hated that he had your time, your attention. I hated that he had the opportunity.”

“Opportunity? What, to date me?”

“To be your first.”

From Afar by @hazelandglasz

anonymous asked:Klaine, i see you with the same person all the time and i assume you two are in a relationship so i’ll just pine for you from a distance au. :(

Hitting On My Man by @animeangelriku

For Arania, Erin, and Cass, who wanted some jealous!Blaine after we got that quote about Chris wondering why no one wanted Kurt… I think.

Invidia in E-Minor by @vosje

Kurt was trying to find home in loveless New York when handsome stranger Cooper Anderson comes along and feels him up, showing him the life he could lead with a loving boyfriend. Back in Ohio lies Cooper's little brother Blaine restless on his bed, trying to find the music for his college-applications - and music is what he hears when he meets his brother's boyfriend. 

It’s Part Of My Chemistry by CatieDontCry

Jealous Blaine.

Jealousy by @kookaburrito

Jealous Blaine.

Jealousy by Blind

It all started when his older brother Cooper came strutting down the hall of William McKinley High School like he was the shit. Blaine hadn't failed to notice the way his boyfriend's eyes widened, the way he watched the taller Anderson make his way towards them, the way his eyes travelled up and down his body almost hungrily.

Blaine didn't like Kurt looking at another guy like that. He didn't like it one bit.

Jealousy Will Drive You Mad by klaineficrex

kurts on broadway and blaines doing whatever but not bway and kurt has to kiss someone on stage a couple times every show or something and blaines like ok but when you get home youre all mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc hes jelly 

Just Jealous by @pumpkinkurt

two times where blaine was the jealous one, and one time kurt was. 

Koala by DreamingKate

The guy flirting with him was awkward. Blaine sitting in his lap was even more awkward.

Moony by @lady-divine-writes

Blaine doesn’t like Kurt’s new assistant…more to the point, he doesn’t like the crush the boy has on his husband. 

Not Exclusive by @nellie12

Finn happens to be doing well for himself in the University of Florida. He is starting QB for the Gators, and he's a member of Phi Beta Kappa, and his grades aren't terrible. He also has his favorite step-brother coming to visit from New York, and Kurt has no idea he's about to have the Spring Break of a lifetime until he meets Finn's best friend and frat mate- Blaine Anderson. 

Not Just My Wingman by @lady-divine-writes

Kurt and Blaine are roommates, living in the loft together after Blaine graduates from high school and moves to New York. Kurt is determined that he's over Blaine, and tries to prove it by helping him get a date…or ultimately, get laid. But when Blaine succeeds in finding a guy that's actually interested in him, will Kurt realize that he wasn't as over Blaine as he thought?

One Million Invisible Lines by @the-cimmerians

Things work out. Eventually. 

Operation: Make Blaine Jealous by Sailor Grape

For two very bright boys, both Kurt and Blaine were obliviously stupid. And it was driving everyone insane. Wes and David finally take matters into their own hands.  AU from The Sue Sylvester Shuffle. Klaine cotton candy fluff! 

Outdoor Concert by @somethingfishyfan

Kurt and Blaine were colleagues, best of friends at work.. but that was as far as it went. That was until Sebastian Smythe came along.. and a very jealous Kurt had to rethink his ideas. Teachers au. 

Pushing Boundaries by klaines_deepest_desires

Set after season 6. Blaine tried to ignore it.  It wasn’t that Blaine blamed the men for noticing Kurt.  Of course they did. But he wouldn’t sit idly by any longer.  He stood up and stormed towards Kurt, eyes narrowing on the men with him. He was going to show the men what they were missing out on. 

Signs of Ownership by @lady-divine-writes

When Blaine volunteers for a local kids' theater group, another volunteer has his eye on him. When Kurt catches wind of a few choices comments the man has made (one, in particular, about how Kurt doesn't own Blaine), Kurt puts a plan into action to prove just how wrong he is.

Teeth by @stut--ter

"Blaine is being a gentleman. Kurt is all like: that’s nice but can please just fuck. Blaine still thinks he knows what's best for Kurt. Kurt decides to take matters into his own hands and performs Lady Gay Gay's "Teeth" with backup dancing (and groping) from the other Warblers. Blaine sees Kurt’s little hips swinging and he also sees one of his Warbler’s hands wrapping around them. Cue horny, jealous, decidedly non-gentleman Blaine dragging Kurt into an empty room by his cute little Dalton tie and fucking him rough and hard over a desk. After THAT's out of his system, Blaine stays inside Kurt until he's hard again and then reams Kurt nice and slow and sweet."

The Green-Eyed Monster by Petalene

What do you do when your husband lands a dream role playing the romantic lead in a sexy movie?

A. Be supportive because you love him.B. Get jealous. You don't want anyone touching him but you.C. Have lots of possessive sex to remind him who he belongs to.

If you're Blaine Anderson and the stars of the movie are your husband Kurt and your brother Cooper, then the answer is:

D. All of the above.

The story contains sexy Kurt, jealous Blaine, inappropriate Cooper, and snarky Sebastian. Humor, romance, and smut rated M for descriptive sex. Fill for the GKM.

the one wherein Blaine and Mike like cardigans by @villiageidiot

Mike sits with his bestie at the Lima Bean while Blaine is all 'woe is me'.

The Pussy Collector by @lady-divine-writes

Blaine has been crushing on assistant fashion editor Kurt Hummel since the first day he started interning at Vogue. They spent almost every lunch hour together, and he thought Kurt might feel the same way. But after he gets hired on and transferred to Kurt's department, Blaine overhears some conversation that gives him a reason to think differently.

To think that, despite all of their many heart-to-hearts, he may not know the first thing about Kurt Hummel.

Turning Saints by saffronire

Kurt wants to take their relationship to the next level, but Blaine, fearing he won’t be able to control himself, is adamant they wait. Kurt decides that making Blaine jealous is the only way to get what he wants, cue possessive! Angry! Blaine. Spoilers for 2x16?

To Know Him Is To Love Him by @poorlittleklainer

Blaine's a good fiancé. He supports Kurt as he prepares for his first headline runway show. Just, he wants to rip Joseph limb from limb for looking at Kurt. Okay, he's jealous, but Kurt doesn't need to know that.

What’s Mine (Isn’t Yours) by EmilianaDarling

On Blaine’s first day at McKinley, it takes him less than five minutes to realize that Dave Karofsky wants his boyfriend. And over the course of the next while, he can’t seem to stop himself from getting more and more bothered by it.