#my 9 year old hyperfixation WILL NOT DIE

[creepylittlelady]

HAPPY CREEPYPASTA DAY 2024!!!

God damn I remember being in this fandom for the first time and being excited for Creepypasta day 2016

Unfortunately I don’t have anything to share for this momentous occasion but interact if you’re still in the fandom :3 been a while since November 2023 when everyone came back for like a month so I wanna see who’s still here!

Sigh….January marks 9 years of me being here….wehhhh save me…….

[babybambi-x]

when people joke about autism but they don't have to spend every evening debating if they were too much or too little that day

when people joke about autism but they ve never been so burnt out their education got set back an entire year

when people joke about autism but they cạn go to clubs and bars and concerts without having a panic attack and leaving before you make real memories

when people joke about autism but they don't get being 19 at age 9 and being 9 at age 19

when people joke about autism but they've never cried so hard they can't breathe because they know life is stuck this way forever

when people joke about autism but they don't get how one person mis-interpreting your intentions makes you spin out about how everyone sees you

when people joke about autism but suddenly its not funny when my parents restrained me as a kid during meltdowns so i wouldn't hurt myself and them

when people joke about autism but they've never felt all your new friends slip away as you finally start to be yourself around them

when people joke about autism but they didn't grow up getting called a 'neek' and a 'teachers pet' just because i never got the memo that trying to study would jeporadize any chance at being taken seriously by my peers

when people joke about autism but they've never had to deal with raging friends after you cancel plans because they don't understand that being around you while you're so burnt out would change how they see you forever

when people joke about autism but they don't get how much of an alien i feel amongst people my age. i'm either alone and myself or working tirelessly to convince people i'm one of them

when people joke about autism but they don't get how empty you feel when a hyperfixation leaves you and you realise you really are just whatever thing you're obsessed with

when people joke about autism but they aren't so hyper-aware of every feeling in their body that sometimes they think too much about breathing and find themselves blue in the lips

when people joke about autism but they don't understand how it feels to spiral out of control thinking everyone hates you because your rejection-sensitivity took one face they made or one word they said and ran

when people joke about autism but they don't get the crisis i had as a kid after coming out of a meltdown, hating myself and not understanding what happened because i swear i'm a good kid

when people joke about autism but they've never been glued to their bed because they can't do what they need to in the order their brain will allow them

when people joke about autism but they can sleep easy because they aren't hearing their hearbeat or the rustle against the sheets as you breathe

when people joke about autism but they never feel like their life is already wasted with a mind like this, knowing theres so much you just can't do, feeling like you're missing your one shot at a human existence

when people joke about autism but they don't get how i can't wear anything with a high neck because it feels like my throat will close up and i might die

when people joke about autism but they don't get that i could spend all night writing these and still not scratch the surface

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never starved themselves for hours on end because the thought of putting food in their mouth makes them feel sick

When someone jokes about being autistic but they've never had to stop doing things they love because they mentally can't cope with how overwhelming it is

when someone jokes about being autistic but they ve never experienced what it's like for everyone to perceive you as some genius or a 3 year old

when someone jokes about being autistic but they're not 7 times more likely to die by suicide.

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never experienced what it's like to be in burnout and loose basic skills like forming a full sentence

whien someone jokes about being autistic but they don't have to accept the fact that they'll be a social outcast for the rest of their lives

when someone jokes about being autistic but they've never experienced what it's like to be so happy yet so suicidal because no matter how good life is it's always going to be overwhelming for them and the only escape is death

[ghostlycircaea]

I've been listening to Epic the musical (10/10 would recommend) on repeat for months now and somehow it's culminated in me revisiting AC Odyssey and getting my grubby little hands on any book about ancient Greece that I can. Hyperfixation at its best ya'll!

I haven't been able to get this concept out of my head after replaying the game. It's based (very, very loosly) on a fic I read some time ago where Kassandra raises Alexios (I think its: If It Began Differently by Madoking on ao3).

The story I've been working on is almost entirely a different thing but the general premise is the same just in reverse, with Alexios raising Kassandra (and also Phoibe when her parents die). I just love exhausted, overprotective dad Alexios trying to keep his dumbass children out of trouble. Mentally trying to work out how a 9 year old is meant to raise an infant and work around the main plot has been an entertaining exercise.

I've been doing more writing than anything for this, but here are some of the concepts I've been working out! I've tried to keep the designs close to cannon for the most part, but there were some necessary changes to make.

[writerscafehub]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀: 𝐕𝐢𝐜

@sunflowersteves || @sunflowerstevesmain

From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

3.5 bc I read an old fic the other day and I’ve improved soooooo much but there’s always room for improvement!

2. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I feel like I’m really good at requests.

Sometimes I think it’s hard to imagine what someone is asking for, but as a daydreamer I feel like I can visualize it so well. 

3. Are there any writers that inspire you?

Famous authors include Toni Morrison, Stephen King (minus the cocaine💀), and Neil Gaiman. In the server, literally everyone inspires me all the time and is so so supportive. Some mutuals that I so aspire to write like are @moonlightprose, @fushic0re, @darkficsyouneveraskfor, @fluffyprettykitty

4. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I would have to say first time (a carmen berzatto x reader) or broken hearts (eddie munson x reader). I think I really capture Carmen and Eddie’s characterization, especially how they would act in a relationship. Also, for sure my best angst. 

5. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

I’m a hyperfixation girly so the easiest are ones that I’m currently obsessed with (joel, miguel o’hara, etc.) and the most difficult are the ones that I still love but have fallen off the obsession wagon (Steve Rogers, geralt, din djarin, etc.) 

6. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

Smut bc I’m a hoe ✨ also it’s been a year and joel miller wont leave my mind, so 

7. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

This has literally been on my WIP for over a year, but it has to be a notting hill AU with Sam wilson. I’ve been excited to write that for ages. 

8. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Marvel. I wrote a spider girl fic when I was in middle school lmao

9. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? jealousy fics and protective fics,,, yum 

10. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

Prolly the divorce trope bc I get so mad at characters. 

11. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

It was a request but eddie munson x reader with a guitar head in the coochie and it was great.

12. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

I love poly fics! Love Stucky x reader and steddie x reader are my fav. they’re just so good. 

13. Do you listen to anything while you write?

I usually have to listen to classical or lofi beats bc I’ll get distracted soooo easily. 

14. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One shots 

15. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

As a certified day dreamer, absolutely. Any longer fic I’ve written, I literally day dream how it’s gonna play out. I did that a lot with ain’t no sunshine (joel miller x reader). 

16. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I am so bad at angst and I would love to write action/violent fics but I always feel like I can’t describe it for the life of me. 

17. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

Someone commented that they turned my notifications on so that they could see when I posted the fic and that made me giggle and kick my feet. 

18. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

It’s currently a work in progress, but it’s a period smut fic. It’s not necessarily out of my comfort zone but more of I’ve never written a fic like that before. It’s for Miguel. I’m so ready 👀

19. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

tooth-rotting fluff 

20. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

I do not ❤️ 

21. If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

I would die in literally every sci-fi or fantasy world that I love (star wars, game of thrones, lord of the rings, the last of us, attack on titan, etc.) so I’m gonna have to pick marvel. I’d have a fighting chance. 

22. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

tbh the hardest part for me is starting. Introductions tear me down every time rip. Sometimes, I just start in the middle because it’s so much easier. 

23. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

You pause, just for a moment. You could feel the adrenaline kick into your system, and a numbing pain flushed out your senses. The blood felt warm and sticky—prompting the sleepiness to feel calming, and it urged you forward into its safe surroundings. But then you felt it. Panic. Panic rose in your neck as you looked around for someone. Your hand darted out to try and find them, but your mind was starting to become blank from the fuzzy warmth of pain. Joel. You needed Joel. 

24. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Ok listen, I wanna write so bad. The last fic I wrote was in March and I’m feeling that writing withdraw. My brain needs to get into hyperdrive so my fingers can type all day long. I have so many fics planned

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

tag from @babyrdie and @greekmythologylover234 .

been a lot of tag games recently huh! thanks for remembering me 🤣

9 people you want to know better

i don't know enough people on here, but i'll be tagging @amnesiaa-on-ice @akhillaous @whorewhouse @naurumii @elnbnt @peggy-sue-reads-a-book

here are the questions to copy-paste:

three ships

first ship

last song

last tv show

currently reading

currently watching

currently eating

currently craving

my answers to them are under the cut so only those who are interested will be reading it (because i'll be yapping) lol

three ships

- patrochilles (duh; probably going to be my favorite, if i'm honest)

- kavetham (admits this semi-shamefully because the rest of the fandom is ass-- but i've left it. glad i did because the recent toxic community will never do me any good. i stressed, i die. simple. was a huge hyperfixation for a year or so though.)

- vashwood (it's been a while, but i really got obsessed with them and the show. watched 1997 once, stampede 3 times, not inclusive of the scattered episodes)

first ship

tbh no idea. it may or may not be solomon and saya from blood+ (great show great show) but i was around 7 when this happened and was just tagging along with whatever my sister had to say about things like these? i'm not a super shippy person either-- i'm not big on these things and certainly a lot less when i was younger. didn't have a lot of interest in couples prolly bc i had no idea what difference it had with friendship. just that you kiss and fuck or something. and i thought that was weird, or well, nothing much to it.

i guess you could say that the first pairing i've ever wanted to defend was zuko and katara from ATLA 🤣 nowadays i understand mai and zuko's relationship and i think it's pretty sweet, but back then i was fixated on zutara chemistry so whee🕺

last song

i haven't been playing music recently since i've been over at my partner's, but "done for" from epic the musical has been playing in my head since i woke up so there's that lol

last tv show

we were looking through netflix for an "easy" show to watch for dinner and got through 2 episodes of the exploding kittens show 🤣 played the game a lot when we got it, plus fond memories of things that happened whilst prompted us to check it out. it's an american tv show i guess, and i've never really vibed with those so it was alright, i guess. the kitties were cute.

currently reading

nothing. finished madeline miller's circe 3 days ago or so, though. my odyssey reading has been suspended for 2 weeks now but i guess it's because i'm pretty much kept up on the plot from randomly reading shit about it on the internet? i'm generally more of a "how did the story go?" person when i get into a book unless i become super obsessed with it. then, i'll dive into the nuances of text and its analysis. which hasn't been happening recently. i'll probably be balls-deep in academic text soon considering i haven't been a good student (our research adviser told us to start doing our thesis papers over the summer holiday so the process will be smoother... guess i'll be disappointing the prof who actually likes me ✊)

currently watching

nothing. finished castlevania (as well as the released season of nocturne) last month and i think that's my quota for shows for a while lol.

currently eating

fast food because the rain started pouring so hard. in time for lunch or so. it was a sign from the lord to spend and have a good time because the world might end tomorrow or something.

currently craving

the other items on the menu i didn't order- kidding lmao. a calzone for some reason, as well as a fizzy drink i usually get from a local cafe run by a nice old lady and youth on the drinks. ok, now i want her pesto sandwich.

ight i'll just eat now brb

[shingetsu-online]

☆*WELCOME TO MY SPECIAL HELL*☆

☆ Hello, I'm Hugh. I'm a person who draws and plays videogames for fun, with a keen interest in analysis and psychology, and I enjoy the process of modding video game consoles. Welcome to my blog, shingetsu-online! ~.^*☆ ☆ text dividers by @cafekitsune ☆

☆*^.~ABOUT THE DUDE IN CHARGE~.^*☆

☆ My name is Hugh, though I also go by Mr. Crescendo, Shingetsu, & Hyuu. My pronouns are He/Him, and I am a transmasc agender demiboy who is gay, cinthean, demiromantic, & a sex-repulsed asexual. I'm 13 years old, so do please try to keep my boundaries in mind! I'm part of a system, and my headmates may pop up on here and make posts of their own. If you want to refer to us collectively, call us the Blue Raspberry Collective or the Moonjelly Hivemind. I am WaningCrescendo on A03, though I haven't posted anything on there yet! Please do not repost my art without permission or credit.

☆*^.~INTERESTS / FANDOMS~.^*☆

☆ My major hyperfixations are in blue & bold text, so I'll post about them more often than others.

☆ GHOST TRICK: PHANTOM DETECTIVE (I've beaten the entire game on my 3ds via emulation and it both fixed me and made me worse. Live laugh Inspector Cabanela. It is my absolute favorite game PLEASE play Ghost Trick PLEASE)

☆ HOMESTAR RUNNER (I got into it in 2020 and recently got back into it when playing Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People on my Wii.)

☆ POKEMON (Generations 5, 7, 8, & 9 mostly. I also enjoy the gen 8/9 DLC campaigns. Mostly the games, though I have read a bit of PokeSpe. I do not post about the animes.)

☆ A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (Both the books & the live-action series adaptation.)

☆ MIITOPIA (Both for Nintendo Switch & 3DS, I've played through the Switch port several times & I recently started the 3DS version!)

☆ ACE ATTORNEY (I've seen playthroughs for the entire main trilogy & the Investigations games, I am currently playing through Apollo Justice, & I have finished The Great Ace Attorney's 3DS English fan-slation, and I am trying to get the Chronicles so I can play Resolve! Don't worry about spoiler for the mainline 6 games & the Investigations games, but I am trying to play TGAA as spoiler-free as possible.)

☆ RHYTHM THIEF (I have played through the entirety of the main story! Also Charlie Vergier is transmasc & anyone who she/her's him is dead to me. /lh)

☆ RHYTHM HEAVEN & WARIOWARE (I classify these 2 together since they are heavily linked together! For Rhythm Heaven, my favorite games are Rhythm Heaven DS & Megamix, and for WarioWare, I like Smooth Moves, Move It!, Touched!, & Gold!)

☆ YOUR TURN TO DIE (I have played up to Chapter 3-1B!)

☆ THE WORLD ENDS WITH YOU (I have NEO for my Switch, I have seen the anime, and I have the original DS game via emulation!)

☆ NINTENDO CONSOLE MODDING & HOMEBREW (I have watched so many videos on 3ds modding & Homebrew applications. I have modded my New 3DS XL and I am open to any questions concerning the process! I am trying to make a custom theme for it!)

☆ COOKIE RUN (Both Kingdom & OvenBreak!)

☆ TOMODACHI LIFE (I have the game for my 3DS! I am a firm Tomodachi Life Switch Port believer!!)

☆ NEEDY GIRL OVERDOSE/NEEDY STREAMER OVERLOAD (I have seen playthroughs!)

☆ GUILTY GEAR (I don't post much about it anymore, sadly. I just really like Bedman.)

☆ SPLATOON (I have 2, Octo Expansion, & 3. I am working on getting the DLCs soon!)

☆ ONE PIECE (I just watch the anime, & I've been stuck on the Water 7 arc for months now. I know most of the spoilers, so I don't mind.)

☆ PROJECT SEKAI (I haven't played since November or so, I just post about Wonderlands X Showtime & RuiKasa a lot. It's just mostly Tsukasa Tenma.)

☆ ALIEN STAGE (Nothing much to say, I've seen up to Round 6 & I just really like Luka's Sweet Dream cover & Hyuna in general. Oh yeah & IvanTill.)

☆ HAIKYUU!! (My friend dragged me into the Haikyuu!! hellhole. I'm very early in the show, & I mainly just dub over it with my friends for fun.)

☆ SUPER MARIO BROS. SERIES (I pretty much grew up on NSMBWii. I also like Paper Mario Color Splash, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, & Super Mario 3D World, though I've only seen playthoughs for Color Splash & 3D World. I'm playing Bowser's Inside Story!)

☆ THERE IS NO GAME (I have played Wrong Dimension & the original Construct Jam entry!)

☆*^.~SIDEBLOGS~.^*☆

☆ @hughstace - Ace Attorney blog. (I post a lot about Simon Blackquill, The Apollo Justice Trilogy, as well as BlackBright.)

☆ @koopsttyd - Paper Mario: TTYD blog. (May potentially be used for other Paper Mario games as well!)

☆ @6switcher - Rhythm Heaven series blog. (Lots of lockstep and Rhythm Heaven DS/Fever posts on there!)

☆ @raymondyaoi - Animal Crossing blog. (Usually ACNH/ACNL.)

☆ @jotchuakiryu - The World Ends With You blog. (Lots of JoshNeku.)

☆ @gayboy-from-diamond-city - WarioWare series blog. (Sadly not very active.)

☆ Other blogs not listed here are VERY inactive or they're personal.

☆*^.~THINGS TO KNOW~.^*☆

☆ Hey!! Here are some things to be aware of when interacting with me, so keep these in mind if you can!!

☆ I have a poor memory, but I'll try my best to remember things like when to use tone indicators or people's preferred pronouns.

☆ Please do not send me any interactions regarding/revolving around Friday Night Funkin'. It is incredibly triggering for me, and I would prefer it if you do NOT talk to me about it.

☆ Please don't send weird asks. Seriously, please be normal about this. I'm a freaking minor.

☆ Please don't advertise stuff in my inbox either. It's become a huge problem and it bothers me a lot.

☆ I block people freely, meaning that if they post a lot of something I'm uncomfortable with, I'll block them.

☆ Although I'm a sex-repulsed ace, I make sexual jokes from time to time, but it's usually just something like "that's what she said", penis jokes, or something similar.

☆ I have poor anger management, and I snap easily, so be wary.

☆ I try to avoid mention of politics as much as I can.

☆ I'm protective of headcanons so much to the point where it gets annoying FAST. That being said, most headcanons of mine align with my own identity, such as Crispin from Pokemon being gay and transmasc. However, I'm NOT going to attack people because my headcanons don't align with theirs and vice versa.

☆ That being said, I post a lot of shippy stuff, mostly revolving around said headcanons.

☆ I ship OC x Canon. Don't like it? Feel free to block me and move on.

☆ I'm in a system, and occasionally, one of my headmates will post on here instead of their own blog / our system blog, so if something seems different with me, just know that it's one of my headmates posting or goofing off.

☆*^.~DNI LIST~.^*☆

☆ If you apply to any of the below, please don't interact with me or any of my posts.

☆ Basic DNI criteria.

☆ Queerphobic people, including aphobes, TERFs, or SWERFs, as well as truscum or transmed people.

☆ NSFW/Minors DNI/NSFT blogs.

☆ People who think cringe culture is normal.

☆ Proshippers/Comshippers/"Anti-Antis".

☆ Zionists/People who support Israel.

☆ Conservatives & supporters of Elon Musk.

☆ Anyone who I block. Don't try & find a way around it.

☆*^.~TAG LIST~.^*☆

☆ Information on the tags I use on my posts.

☆ #shingetsu online - My general posting tag, all of the posts I make myself are tagged with this, but reblogs don't.

☆ #ask hugh - Like the one above, but this one's for asks.

☆ #hugh art tag - Tag I use for my artwork.

☆ #hugh oc tag - Posts that involve my OCs / Original Characters.

☆ #hugh's horrible hall of fame - Posts that involve me that I deem important. Usually it's just shenanigans.

☆ #i think my money is gay - Posts with Jay Eazy. It's usually just Megaman memes.

☆ #theatre of pain - Video posts, usually tagged this way for saving/archival purposes.

☆ #fav - My favorites tag. It's either important stuff or just funny stuff.

☆ #funnies - Memes / funny videos that I like.

☆ #save - Usually important stuff / references.

☆ #musik - Posts with music / that are music centered.

☆ #chefboy - Posts that include Crispin from Pokemon.

☆ #toothpaste boy - Posts that include Drayton from Pokemon.

☆*^.~USERBOX TIME!!!!~.^*☆

[meercacchi]

Tag game! What are you top 10 fandoms of all time? Name them and then tag ten more people. Feel free to write as much or as little about why you like them!

Tagged by @supreme-sauteer~ These are in no particular order and I ended rambling a lil too long LOL.

1. Kuroko no Basuke

Jk, ofc knb has to be first! It's been almost 10 years since I got into it and it's just the gift that keeps on giving. It's one of my comfort shows and it's gotten me through a lot tbh. Special shoutout to Kise, my baby who will forever be one of my favorite characters in media, and Kasamatsu, who I love with my entire being. Kaijou deserves better!!

2. Pokemon

My original hyperfixation before I even knew what that was, LOL. Pokemon has been there for me for as long as I can remember, and I don't think anything will ever quite replicate the feeling of home I get from this franchise, whether it's the games or merch or the show. I will def be there when gen 5028373 comes out, still playing the newest Pokemon game on the newest console no matter how old I am.

3. Xenoblade Chronicles

A newer fandom but one I fell into HARD. XC3 actually altered my brain chemistry and is probably my favorite game ever. My journey through the Xenoblade trilogy was magical and I can't get over how well the characters and stories are written, on top of having pretty fun gameplay. I'm super excited to finally check out XCX in March too!

4. TMNT 2003

Another childhood fave and another comfort show. These boys genuinely feel like family to me, they're just so cozy. I'm honestly shocked how well the show holds up even today; the writing is too good! It's criminal how slept on this version of the turtles is compared to others and I will die on this hill.

5. Akatsuki no Yona

The other day I realized I've been reading this manga for ten years which really made me have a belated quarter life crisis LOL. I migrated over from the anime, but man, it's SO SAD that they haven't animated the arcs after bc I love Yona (and everyone else's) growth through the series. I'm really anticipating how the series ends! Last chapter ripped out my heart thx.

6. Love Live!

I haven't kept up with Love Live and I was introduced to it through LLSIF (RIP) but I still listen to so many of the Muse/Aqours songs to this day! Kotori is incredibly special to me in particular bc I relate to her and I'll always smile when I see her pop up. Also I sometimes use the cards for fashion inspo bc their fits are too cute!

7. Rurouni Kenshin

I haven't felt comfortable following new RuroKen stuff considering everything, and tbh I don't think I'll ever be able to even reread/rewatch it bc it's forever tainted in my mind. But I can't deny how big of an impact it (esp Sano) had on me in my early teens, so here it is!

8. Sengoku BASARA

Tbh I'm not really in the fandom anymore, but I met SO MANY of my mutuals who I'm still friends with today through it, so it'll always hold a special place in my heart <3 Those were some wild and fun times LMAO.

9. Ys

Still making my way through all the older Ys games, but Ys 8 will forever be a legendary game imo and it has one of my fave OSTs of all time. Ys 9 and esp Ys 10 were also awesome! I finished Ys 10 a couple weeks ago and I'm still having withdrawals lol.

10. EXO

Alright this one is kinda eh bc I never got super into fandom stuff, but it's been such a crazy ride watching them from debut to now! Jongin esp is one of my favorite humans on the planet and as cheesy as it is, his words helped me tackle some of my insecurities growing up. I'll always be an erigom and an EXO-L <3

[seas1mping]

Happy 9 years to Undertale :) I remember booting up the game for the first time with the intent to kill but Undyne kept kicking my ass so I had to stop lol. Spoilers about my experience with the game under the cut kind of turns into a rant more like but you read it or you don't

I remember I used to be so angsty and mean to all the characters because I just wanted them to die and let me beat the game the mean way. I remember the first time I killed Papyrus I was so happy because I hated him. I thought he was gum on my shoe he was too happy for me.

Until I was doing a neutral route and managed to kill Muffet for the first time. And watching that spider run across the screen to get a flower for her. And watching the box say all that EXP and 0 G.

Until I understood the meaning behind New Home and Home. As a kid who at the time was at the start of my parents extremely messy divorce, seeing now that I could see how empty New Home was and how wonderful the Ruins were, full of life.

Looking in that mirror during gameplays and internet trends and seeing that wonderful box pop up.

"Despite everything, it's still you."

Going through the game not really understanding the concept of right and wrong as a kid, and then piecing it together from other things, my new life experiences, and my ever evolving moral compass, being in a better place now than I was when I saw it before.

There are so many games that people say changed their life, from Minecraft, to FNAF, to games like What Remains of Edith Finch. For me and for lots of others, it was Undertale. The impact that it's had on everything I've done up until now, it's still producing aftershocks.

I always tell people that I don't associate with Undertale anymore because of the fandom or because it just doesn't interest me anymore, but I also always lie when I say that. There are certain fandom medias I still go back to even to this day, despite not being into it like I used to be. (CHRISTMAS PARTY AU COMIC DUB ON TOP!!!!)

And I've definitely made some awful memories with it too, but that comes with being in the territory. Nobody's experience is perfect from start to finish. Absolutely nobody's. We all remember 2017-2021. Maybe not Undertale specifically but yeah.

With it being 9 years old, and FNAF being 10 years old, it's not hard to get sentimental about everything that's happened, so I just want to say thank you to Undertale for being there when I needed it. Thank you to Toby Fox for even making the game, you are a wonderful human being. Thank you to everyone I've met before during and after my hyperfixation for being there and giving me a chance to even get to know you or message you at all even briefly.

Thank you for getting to the end of this message.

Thank you Undertale, for everything.

Stay Determined.

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

Rating Characters I've had crushes on. Pt 1.

Disclaimer!!! This will get more unhinged as we go on. I somehow have a thing for dilfs and its kind of weird but whatever. This part is just male characters that I can remember. If you judge, please do it anonymously in my ask box bc I like being a little messy at times/hj. Not all of these were sexual byw!! I was like 9-12 with some of these crushes

Wanring: i am a horny teen girl whos never had a boyfriend. It will get bad.

Book Characters:

Remus Lupin. 10/10. Still fixated on him and his complex character. Hate JKR and her stupid terfy face and literal racism and the way she ruined some of her best characters. (Definitely not salty about tonks and her entire character becoming obsessed with Remus) RIP, bbg. You deserved a better author and less mischaracterization from the fandom.

Cedric Diggory. 8/10. The fixation didn't last long, but it was fun. I think I clinged to him because hes one of like 8 Hufflepuffs mentioned in the books and IM a Hufflepuff.

Percy Jackson. The icon. 9/10. Love that sassy mfer AND HES LOYAL TO ANNABETH?!?!? perfect. Had 9 year old Izzy in a chokehold.

Nico Di Angelo. 7/10. I think I wanted to be friends with him tbh. It wasn't really a crush but more of a 'i am him, and he is me.' He just like me fr fr.

Carlise Cullen. 9/10. Hes a vampire doctor father figure. All the boxes were checked. I don't know why, but I read the hospital scene in twilight and my brain went blank. Same with watching the movie as an 8 year old. Got me giggling and twirling my hair.

Atticus Finch. 11/10. You're starting to see a pattern, aren't you? Bonus point for doing the right thing despite common beliefs at the time of TKAM. He's literally such an interesting character and I think I either want to be fucked by him, or I want him to be my father. I can't decide. He was also played by Gregory Peck, so...🫡 yeah.

Klaus Boudelaire. 7/10. He was smart, and little Izzy had a fixation on smart boys who would read. The actor who played him also looked like my third grade crush and 8 year old Izzy was smitten. I would've been best friends with him fr fr. Count Olaf can catch these pale hands.

Anime Characters:

I would like to preface this by saying I was in middle school and unmedicated. I am still unmedicated, but it was worse then. Thank you for your understanding about whatever the fuck this is about to say about me.

Sebastian Michaelis. 9/10. Still fixated on him. -1 for almost dying multiple times. Black Butler is STILL my shit. It was the first anime I was really into. First Manga I ever read. First hyperfixation I can remember that wasn't a book series, not counting My Little Pony. I saw the butler and father figure and 11 year old Izzy went 👀.

William T Spears. 8/10. I don't know what it was. I just liked him a LOT. The mental illness was taking over.

...Ciel Phantomhive. 7/10. Same reasons as Nico. I wont elaborate further.

Levi Ackerman. 10/10. Who wasn't obsessed with Levi when watching AOT?? Pfff imagine liking a type of napoleon bonapart 🧍‍♂️. Couldn't be me. Not at all. 🧍‍♂️.

Shouta Aizawa. 11/10. I have no words to explain why my brain decided the teacher was my crush. Hes twice my age. Hes sleep deprived. He has zero patience left. But my brain said tehehe go for THAT one. And he was just trying to sleep in that yellow sleeping bag.

Shoto Todoroki. 6/10. I was influenced by the fandom at the time. Hes...fine I guess. Another complex traumatized character. Had 11 year old Izzy in a chokehold. Idfk.

(Unfortunately) Kai Chisaki. 3/10. He was hot to 13 year old Izzy. Complex character but unfortunately a bad person. Can't defend myself here.

Dabi. 4/10. It's slightly better than Chisaki. Had a love/hate thing. I wrote a fanfic about ripping his staples out and leaving him to die. I had problems, if you couldn't tell. Thats literally the only violent thing I'd ever written and it was one of my most popular fics on my old blog (RIP all the fics I deleted)

Kusuo Saiki: 10/10. Looking back on it, he's literally so me core. Would we be friends irl? Probably not. I think my intrusive thoughts would take him back and he'd be like '...what the fuck??' So yeah. But also yeah. He's literally so me. He just wants to be left alone but ALSO SECRETLY ADORES HIS FRIENDS!!!! Had middle school me in a deadlock. Still have stickers of him (everyone say thank you jamie).

TV and Movies:

The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. 6/10. I think its kind of common for little girls. Idk.

Prince Eric. 9/10. I think he was also common for little girls. Bro was brainwashed but lowkey reluctant bc I think he KNEW Ariel was the singing girl. I love himbos.

The Phantom of the Opera. 10/10. We love serial killers who are also obsessive but also very fucked up. And he can play the organ 🙂. Yumby. It was fruit for the soul. Talking about 2004 movie, but 1990s miniseries Erik was also good.

I guess Carlise Cullen coukd also be over here but wtv.

Bela Lugosi Dracula. 7/10. -3 bc I haven't seen the movie but hes so <333. Book Dracula is also <333. They're both such menaces but also so <333

Jack Skellington. I can't even rate this. I have no words for myself.

Beetlejuice. Same with Jack. I have no words for myself.

Hannibal Lecter (NBC series). 9/10. Most recent as of the day im making this. -1 point for making Will go insane. Bros literally insane. I would let him manipulate me 😍/hj. Just kidding. If he was my therapist I would cry. He would say something after psychoanalyzing me and I would start sobbing. And then he'd kill me. Boom.

Will Graham. 9/10. Tbh!!! More of a father figure crush thing. Is also my type. Tragic brunette with glasses. Bro needs a fucking break. Please let him live peacefully. (Number one Jack Crawford hater‼️‼️)

Musicians:

Jareth the Goblin King. 8/10. I love David Bowie. Thats all.

Dracula Tepes (Castlevania). 9/10. Yes he tried killing humanity. They killed his wife. It was only fair. Another vampire dilf. Gotta love em.

Adrian Tepes. ^ 9/10. Dracula's tragic vampire son. I HAVE A TYPE.

Papa Emeritus III: Ghost. 9/10. Made a great Album (Meliora). Our great icon. Wants to fuck Omega (Ghoul) and tbh I get it. Those ghouls are sooo awesome and cool. I love a short flamboyant man who can sing. Favorite song of his is Cirice. And Bible. Bible is underrated fr fr. Is my favorite Papa from Ghost but honestly I love all of them so count that 9/10 as a rating for all of them.

Papa Emeritus IV. 9/10. I love him too. Tbh. The Papa that I have been around for. Thank you Frater Imperator‼️‼️. You go Copia. Hes so bbg coded. Bro has glittery jackets and sings about Rats. Who wouldn't love that??

David Bowie: 10/10. Less of a crush and more of a I love his music so much and I need ALL OF YOU to know.

Video Games

Jumin Han (Mysmes). 8/10. He was the first good ending I got between him and 707. Had me stressing. Does Jumin Han Is Gay? (Maybe). Had 12 year old izzy questioning things.

707. ^-^. 9/10. Mfers route had me STRESSING. it took me 6 WEEKS to get the good ending and when I finally got it, my mom was like woah good for you hon. So -1 point for that, but also +1 to the traumatized smart boy type I have. Tried Honey Butter chips bc of him. Went hard asf. Got harrassed by an adult bc of a fanfic I liked on here. That was fun.

Julian Devorak. 10/10. He was the only route I've finished on The Arcana and I love him with all my heart. Lowkey wish there was less smut about him. I wanna give this tall ginger man a bone crushing hug.

Link (LOZ). 6/10. I was four.

Sebastian (Sdv) 10/10. I play his route every single time. Literally at 6 hearts with him rn at winter year 1. Hes also the sad coder core. I think I have a type. Idk.

Barbatos (Obey Me). 10/10. Same as Sebastian Michaelis. Something about OP butlers.

Lucifer (Obey Me) 10/10. I always wanted to hug him and then run away like a chaos child. More of a platonic thing for both him and Barbatos. Inner child screamed. I would literally play obey me for hours. It was always open on my little Moto E6. Deleted Mystic Messenger for it. And vice versa. Fun stuff.

Anywaysss haii thats all for now!! Part 2 will probably be soon. Maybe. It'll be all the women I had crushes on as a child. I was very gay. I go both ways. Fr fr.

[laineystein]

If this is weird you don’t have to answer it but I was wondering what sparked your interest in WW2? Not to say that Jews can’t like WW2 I just feel like it’s not common and it’s always fascinated me a bit especially because I think you said once that you have shoah survivors in your family? again if this is weird you can ignore it and I apologize lol

Not weird!

Have I answered this before? I feel like I have. But I’m happy to share again!

I am the grandchild of two Shoah survivors. I grew up very angry at the goy world and I didn’t understand how the entire world had turned a blind eye to the atrocities of the Holocaust and everything that led up to it. It was mind boggling to me that other people (goyim) were living lives completely separate from this genocide. And I didn’t have stories about non-Jews during this time. Until I was 21 I really didn’t have much interaction with the goy world at all. So I started reading about the war and what was going on in their world at that time. I was still angry, maybe even more so, but it gave my anger even more context. And I felt kind of valid in my anger…which I can’t really explain and I feel like I’m not articulating it properly here. Being the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors entitles me to anger and a million other emotions; knowing what happened surrounding that horrible time gave my emotions confidence. Nobody could ever say I didn’t understand what was going on. People *did* turn a blind eye to the growing antisemitism in Europe. People did know about the camps and said nothing. The world was fighting a different war than my family and my tribe and my family and my tribe would forever be fighting a different war, even when this particular war ended.

More simply - in general, I love history. It fascinates me. I love knowledge and learning. I think the knowledge that makes you uncomfortable is the knowledge you really need to learn because that’s the world and some aspects of it are never going to change. And a lot of it still makes me angry but when I compartmentalize it, some of it is courageous and inspiring and I think a lot of people were backed into a corner and thought they were doing the right thing. (I’m referring to 18 year old Allied soldiers who thought they were fighting for their country but just ended up watching their friends die and living in horrible conditions for months. I’m not talking about Nazis. Fuck Nazis.)

Regarding BoB - that premiered right around 9/11. And for 24+ hours I thought my parents were dead so when they finally got home, my dad sat down to watch it (he loves Spielberg) and with everything going on, he felt bad telling me I couldn’t watch it too. It was probably not appropriate for an 11 year old (read: it was NOT appropriate for an 11 year old). But he let me watch the entire thing with him. And he, the son of Holocaust survivors who knows far more about what my grandparents went through than I do or ever will, thought the Shoah episode was…fair. He got me the box set (it was before I left for undergrad - it was 5 VHS tapes and I actually put it in my carry on). I ended up watching it anytime my life was stressful. Midterms and finals. Sleepless nights in the army - I made my entire team watch it and they actually liked it. I watched it a lot in med school because I was really fucking miserable and had no friends so I just spent a lot of time in my apartment by myself. It was just a weird comfort watch when my life was chaos - but I almost always skip episode 8 because again: compartmentalizing.

The more I talk about this the more I realize how weird this is (my hyperfixation, not your question) but whatever.

Tachles there ya go 🙃

[gretchenzellerbarnes]

9 people you would like to get to know better

Tagged by @renlyslittlerose, apologies for the delay, this has been sitting in my drafts for ages now 😅

1. 3 ships:

Obikin - I. Am. Obsessed. With these two idiots. My current hyperfixation with Obikin started in the run up to the Kenobi series when I went back and rewatched the prequels and TCW (weirdly Obikin as a ship didn't register for my poor oblivious bisexual arse when the prequels came out). They're equals, more intimate than lovers, two halves of a whole warrior, they spend a lot of their time together bickering like an old married couple. Ahsoka refers to them as her parents in TCW season 7. Where there is one, the other is not far behind. I'm sure it was @/gffa who wrote a meta about how (whether you view their relationship as platonic or romantic) Obi-Wan Kenobi IS the love of Anakin Skywalker's life. To me they are the Star Wars ride or die. They ended tragically in life (in canon). They lived happily ever after as force ghosts. The love was there... 😭. I am Unwell about them.

Ineffable Husbands/Wives/Spouses - An Angel and a Demon. Hereditary Enemies. Unapologetically queer. The Autistic + ADHD ship. The angel is a fussy hedonist who will cut a bitch if they damage his books. The demon is genderfluid and serves cunt on a regular basis (especially at the crucifixion). 6000 glorious, frustrating years of pining. Bad. At. Their. Jobs. Just fuckin' kiss already (heheh, yeah that didn't work out so well 😅).

Thoschei - The Doctor and The Master. They were never married. They're divorced. They're childhood sweethearts. They've killed each other at least twice. They change genders like most people change socks. They should've fucked (you can tell I have a thing for enemies to lovers, right? 🤣). They've both destroyed their own civilisation at least once. Whenever The Master shows up you never know if they're gonna kill each other or fuck nasty (or both). For once brief shining moment (Twelve x Missy, World Enough And Time) they could've been more. Again, they have this tragic thread of "it shouldn't have ended like this, but it did". Unlikely to have a happy ending ever (unless through the pages of fanfic).

Special shout out to: Rebelcaptain (my other SW ride or die), Mulder x Scully (see below), Ventrobi (what? I'm a multishipper, and these two are constantly flirting every time they fight. They totally fucked after Revenge), Blackbonnet, and Catradora.

2. first ever ship:

Mulder and Scully - I shipped these two before I even knew what shipping culture and fandom was. I remember 10 y/o me watching the first episode of The X Files (and being shit scared to fall asleep for months because I was scared aliens were gonna abduct me lol 👽) and just being hooked on the series. And as the series progressed I became hooked on these two and their partnership. My OG ride or die ship, they are the reason that most of my other ships have that ride or die, banter and bicker like an old married couple, best friends, equals, you cannot find one without the other, no one understands me like this person understands me vibe.

3. last song:

Cat Pierce - You Belong To Me

4. last movie:

Barbie.

Finally watched it last night. Currently have I'm Just Ken stuck in my head 💖

5. currently reading:

Dune by Frank Herbert.

I am. Obsessed. After watching the 2021 film - it's probably my most watched comfort film atm.

6. currently watching:

Loki, GBBO, Strictly Come Dancing, Ahsoka (rewatch), SW Prequels. After question 2 I'm wondering if it's time for an X Files rewatch.

7. currently consuming:

Mint and lime iced green tea (tastes better than it sounds) and rice pudding.

8. currently craving: Chicken noodle soup from my local Chinese takeaway.

I tag: anyone who wants to have at it because I am crap at the tagging lol 😆💖

[countrywide-pesticide]

hi i think i’m gonna start being active on here again! i’ve missed tumblr and my moots (if any of y’all are still on here)

i wanna vent/just update for a min so ignore this if you don’t wanna see that :]

tw for super slight mentions of sh/ed/suicide/depression/cancer

i’m clean from sh woohoo! about 9 and a half months, but i’ve been wanting to relapse so very badly recently.

i’ve also been struggling with my body again. i hate my body so fucking much, and for so long i was doing so well in my ed recovery but i just can’t do it anymore.

i graduated from high school, which i never thought i was going to do. i always thought i’d kms before graduating lol. i’m really struggling with how to live life outside of school, because the first 18 years of my life were so so focused on academics.

i’ve also been having some health issues, honestly they’re pretty minor but there’s definitely something going on and i can’t figure out what it is and it’s stressing me out.

i’m also super lonely (if you saw my last post lmao). i’m 19 and don’t really have any friends, i’ve never been in a relationship, the person i talk to the most is my mom, i don’t have a job, i’m not going to university. i just feel like i have no one who actually gets me, who i actually enjoy talking to, and i’m just so sick of being isolated and alone. i don’t really talk to any of my friends from high school, which i’m kind of okay with because i don’t really like most of them.

someone i graduated with (and was friends with from kindergarten until like grade 11, i had a crush on her for years during middle school, and then we just grew apart) was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. and i can’t figure out how to cope with that. she’s going to fucking die. i’ve known her since we were literally five years old and she’s just going to be gone.

i’m starting to hate my brother i think. i love him, he’s my brother, but he’s turning into everyone i hated in high school. i’m so jealous of him, he’s popular and skinny and doing alright in school and mentally stable and he has a good friend group and a nice girlfriend. i don’t want to hate him.

i think that’s everything i had to update. i forgot how nice it feels to just vent everything on here. if you got to this point ty for reading :]

if you read all of this thank you, i hope you’re doing well :]

i think my depression is getting worse, i’ve been struggling to keep up with any of my interests. i only have one hyperfixation rn and i miss my old hyperfixations, i just want more than one thing to enjoy. nothing is fun anymore, even my hyperfixation is starting to sour but it’s the only thing i can think about.

that’s pretty much everything. i forgot how good it feels to just vent about everything. if you got to this point thank you for reading, i hope you’re doing alright.

[jinxed-thylacine]

Intro post lessgo

Hey! I'm Jinx! I'm a 20 year old disabled artist who's currently taking a college theater class, and intends to get an associates degree in general studies (after which I plan to go to a different college and get a bachelors in biology, then go to med school). Please read this before interacting/following, it's incredibly important to how I'm planning to run this blog.

I'll be active here when I'm hyperfixated on Sonic, which the Sonic 3 trailer shot me headfirst into lmao

Other blogs:

@jinxedshapeshifter - personal/furry art blog. I post pretty randomly there.

@jinxed-ninjago - my Ninjago blog. I'm only really active there when I'm hyperfixated on Ninjago.

@jinxed-sinner - my Hellaverse blog. I post a lot of Hazbin Hotel analysis there, and like my Ninjago blog I'm active there when I'm hyperfixated on Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss.

I have a few Sonic AUs that I've been developing too (mostly surrounding Espilver because why not):

Heroes of War AU - A Sonic Forces AU where instead of the war against Eggman lasting 6 months, it lasted 9 years. Six years into the war, Knuckles lets Charmy join in an assault on Eggman's forces, leading to Charmy losing his leg in an explosion. *This AU is loosely based on the song Hero of War by Rise Against. Basically I listened to it once on a car ride and was like "huh. Inspiration has struck"

Writing the Future AU - A fancomic I've been developing based on a dream I had where Espio and Silver were the last survivors of a zombie apocalypse, and Silver was infected but essentially harmless. This eventually evolved into an IDW specific AU (although I guess IDW AUs aren't necessarily IDW specific at this point lol), where Sonic and Silver failed to get rid of the Metal Virus. Espio fled to Restoration HQ, where he hunkered down for his own safety, and Silver ended up infected about a week before the comic starts but is still pretty much himself. I have the information up on @writingthefuture-sonicau, the blog I made for the comic (it's the only post on the blog rip). The first page is mostly sketched but my focus has been elsewhere so I haven't worked on it in months lol

I have some other vague AU concepts but those are the ones I mostly focus on, and if I ever talk about them they'll have their own tags. In addition to those, I have tons of little stories and ideas floating around my brain!

I draw a lot and occasionally dabble in animation. I'm out of practice with Sonic-styled stuff, but my icon was drawn by me of my OC Archer in the style of The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog. Here's the full drawing/fake screenshot:

(I made him out of pettiness towards people who get upset over certain types of fan characters. You know the ones I'm talking about. Anyway Archer is my son and I would die for him. Here's his current reference lol)

Please also note that I am NOT spoiler free when it comes to new Sonic content! All spoilers will be tagged but I do tend to post spoilers.

If you want to support my art or anything, I have a Ko-Fi! I mostly sell character designs and bases, but I have some other stuff available too!

[esxvspy]

Pinned post / my info !!

My name is Eleanor but you can call me El. I’m a lesbian and my pronouns are she/her or they/them! I’m still figuring out a lot about my identity as I have been for the last while, so this info might change periodically if I think something no longer fits me. I am also 17 years old.

I have diagnosed adhd, major depressive disorder, and anxiety. I’ve struggled with them for a long time but i have been taking medication (Vyvanse and Zoloft) that help a lot. I also used to struggle with anorexia and bulimia when I was in middle school, but I’ve been working hard to overcome those thoughts, and I am comfortable talking about my experiences and I am willing to give advice if you ask!

I mainly speak English, but I do know a little bit (I emphasize a little bit) of Croatian and polish since my great grandfather and grandmother came to America from there, so I learned a little bit of those languages to talk to them better as they weren’t English speakers, but that was when I was like 9, so I don’t remember much of it.

I have many hyperfixations, mainly media focused, that come and go. Currently I am very focused on Yttd (your turn to die), but in the recent past some were stranger things, the quarry, and total drama.

I also love shipping, I’m a strong multishipper! I’ll basically love any ship you present me as long as it doesn’t have a noticeable age gap, and isn’t super toxic. Some of my current favorites are alenoah, mkulia, ransara, naosara, shinalice, naoreko, byler, sydina, and tyzula. Those are just a handful of them and tbh I constantly find new things to ship I just love so many.

I made edits that I post on TikTok (@esxvspy) I’ve been editing since I was 11 years old and was super into gacha, I made so many gacha edits… I also draw a bit, and I want to start writing fanfics as well! My A03 acc is @elslay69 but I don’t have anything on there yet 😭

For a dni list, I don’t really have anything much - if you like dsmp (especially dream.) literally anyone in dsmp (ESPECIALLY DREAM.) , if you’re pr0sh1p, people who hate on ships are on thin fucking ice, if you’re homophobic or transphobic, and if you push your religion onto other people, like i don’t mind if you’re religious, but don’t try to make others follow your religion. There’s probably more but I can’t think of anything else lol.

Most of my stuff will be pg13, but I’ll make pg stuff as well as r rated if I’m asked.

That’s probably it lmao

Nice to meet you!

[the-ironphoenix]

I posted 577 times in 2022

That's 524 more posts than 2021!

9 posts created (2%)

568 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gentrychild

@pocketramblr

@feelingsinclouds

@imposterogers

I tagged 190 of my posts in 2022

#mha - 40 posts

#bakudeku - 12 posts

#amazing - 10 posts

#anyway - 7 posts

#fear of you - 6 posts

#mha manga spoilers - 6 posts

#tumblr - 5 posts

#spoilers - 5 posts

#anyone - 5 posts

#gideon the ninth - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#so many of the fandom founders relay stories of how old fanfic platforms were taken down by censorship and how it destroyed thousands of fic

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I’m gonna be flatly honest, I thought Jurassic Park was a dumb movie because “who the heck would try to create dinosaurs are you stupid” but I literally just thought about how awesome it would be if we could make Pokemon real. Let’s be honest, who is more of a moron, John Hammond who just wants to bring dinosaurs back or me who wants to create fire-breathing ones. 

0 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#4

Glowingblueheart dunked on you

So I didn't know the Tumblr inbox was a thing until now and this was in there??? I have no idea what it is about or when it came in but I'm laughing so hard lol

0 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#3

Someone recommended I turn on the timestamps on Tumblr posts, and boy has it retextured my experience. Someone wrote this today? Neat! Someone wrote this five years ago, and it’s still bouncing around? Great but WHY

1 note - Posted October 13, 2022

#2

My friend showing me their new hyperfixation: Look at this!

Me: My dude, my gal, you cannot infect me with this new virus. I am already in the worst game of tag with COVID and monkeypox, if I am infected with TMNT disease I will surely die. 

1 note - Posted October 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I know this is blurry but I’ve never had my dashboard line up so well before I am completely shook folks

5 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[felix-lupin]

I've noticed a lot of antis will say that the reason they hate pro-shippers is because they "want to protect children". However, this desire seems to completely vanish when the child is a proshipper themself.

I understand that some of them genuinely think they're doing good, don't get me wrong. But.

When I was ten or eleven I started being proship. That was the first time I was on the internet in any way, as I had spent the majority of my childhood being sheltered and isolated. I hadn't met anyone else proship, I didn't even know the word for it. I just was.

In my journey to figure out how everything worked, I ended up shipping something "problematic." I couldn't understand that it was seen as problematic or why anyone would think it was bad, because I was f*cking 11.

Even though I was 11 (and it always stated it in my bios, because I was a dumb kid), whenever I would express that I enjoyed that ship, I would be sent hate my way. I was told multiple times to kill myself, to hurt myself, and that "this is why your parents never loved you" (I had posted in the past about having issues in my family life and believing that my parent had abandoned me).

So most antis claim they only want to help children, yet so many of them will go out and tell literal 9-13 year olds to kill themselves the second they mention being. I was already dealing with extreme depression, and it made it so much worse I was told the world would be better off without me, that everybody would hate me if they found out. By strangers, who knew nothing about me. I remember crying so many times, thinking that I was a burden on society. That my family, my friends, my joyfriend would hate me.

I remember being scared to tell my therapist, because the people I interacted with on the internet convinced me everyone would hate me. I remember that was one of the first times I hurt myself. I remember feeling so alone, hating myself so much. Every waking moment I just thought about how much everyone would 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦. I remember feeling so ashamed, keeping it bottled up and not wanting anyone to know why I was hurting so much, trying to hide how much I was hurting because it was "stupid of me" to hurt so much over that.

I remember trying to stop shipping that content, but it was like a weird involuntary thing. I didn't consume or create content of it for a while, but then I felt worse when I didn't, though. I later learned that I had been involuntarily hyperfixating on that ship and the media surrounding it.

I remember constantly reminding myself it was bad, so if I liked it 𝘐 was bad. That if I liked it I was a horrible person. It didn't stop. I hated myself so fucking much. I remember wishing I would die so I wouldn't "be like this" anymore.

But yea. You just wanna protect kids. /s