#my 13 year old self would be proud lol I remember being so desperate to be able to draw the characters well

[peachtalia]

we r so back

[thegreatestofheck]

Only One [S. Snape]

part two of “The Other Her” 

warnings - mentions of death, angst mostly pairings - severus snape x reader synopsis - You return to Hogwarts years later to watch your son’s Quidditch match, only to find yourself a little bit in over your head.  a/n - So, this really didn’t end up the way I expected it. But, I had one (1) person ask for this, so I delivered. Thank you to @palegoopbearlight for being so encouraging. It really inspired me to work hard and produce something good, so I hope this is sufficient! It’s long lol. Also, not a song fic so I hope that isn’t too big of a deal? 

***

You never expected to find yourself back at Hogwarts after you graduated. But, there you were, standing in the courtyard and staring up at the large doors that would lead you back into the place of memories. They weighed in your shoulders like pounds of brick and you couldn’t shake them off.

A red haired girl ran past you and you found yourself almost calling out Lily’s name before you stopped yourself. Her name rested on the tip of your tongue like poison. 14 years ago, Lily Evans and James Potter were murdered by Voldemort, leaving their son behind. You heart still ached thinking about it. He was here, the boy that Lily loved so deeply. Part of you wanted to see him, just to see her one last time. Another part hoped you could avoid him completely so you wouldn’t feel the guilt of hating her for so long.

“Mama!” A boy cried out from beside you. Putting off your memories to greet your son, you turned to him with a smile. Perfectly painted lips pulled into a grin, you ran to meet him.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said, burying his face in your robes. You pulled back and ruffled his hair with your hand.

“I wouldn’t miss your first Quidditch match for the world,” you told him, making him grin wider. “Your father would be so proud.”

His smile wavered but he straightened his back and lifted his chin to show you that he would make the both of you proud today.

“I have to go,” he said. Already dressed in his blue and bronze quidditch gear, you could see the excitement in his eyes. “Catch you out there?”

“Of course, love.”

You watched him run away, not thinking you could possibly be any prouder.

“y/n,” an woman’s voice said near you. You turned to find Minerva McGonagall standing there. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You as well, Professor.” You stepped forward to embrace her with a smile.

“It’s been too long. Are you hear for the game?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“There is no need for such formalities,” McGonagall said with a simple wave of her hand. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. I’ve only just arrived.”

“Come. I’ll get you some food from the kitchens.”

You tried to protest, but if your seven years at Hogwarts had taught you anything, it was that McGonagall was not one argue with.

“Your son is exceptional at Transfiguration,” McGonagall told you as you walked beside her. “And Flitwick often boasts about him.”

You tried to cover a smile.

“He takes after his father.”

McGonagall fell silent.

“y/n, I wanted to say-“

You turned the corner and found yourself face first in the dark cloaks of a man.

“Pardon!” You said, stepping back before seeing who it was.

“Severus,” McGonagall said, her lips flattening into a thin line. Your heart sky rocketed into your chest at the sight of your old friend. It took him a few moments to recognize you. It was true that you had grown up a lot since graduating and you had seen him very little so you weren’t surprised.

“y/n.” His voice was deeper than you remembered, more monotone. There used to be a certain way he said your name that gave you butterflies. His eyes widened at the sight of you and you felt yourself smile.

“Sev,” you said, the old nickname coming to you so easily.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes narrowed again as he donned the mask that you could tell he worked so hard to build. All the confidence you had gained in the 13 years since you graduated evaporated and you found yourself back in the body of the timid student who wanted nothing more than to make her feel friends happy.

“I’m here to see my son play his first Quidditch match,” you said, feeling that blossom of pride burst again in your chest. Severus looked taken aback by your mention of your son, though you were unsure why. He talked about his “Professor Snape�� (which was still a struggle for you to get used to) all the time in his letters.

“It’s against Slytherin today,” he drawled. You nodded your head, the air around you turning stale.

“I hear you’re the head of Slytherin house.”

“Yes.”

“I never saw that one coming when we were kids.”

Severus stiffened at the mention of your childhood, even though you had hoped that it would make him relax. He screwed his mouth shut and there was an awkward moment of silence.

“We’ll see you at the game, Severus,” McGonagall said, trying to move you forward.

“Yes,” was all he said in response.

“It was, uh, good to see you,” you told him and he nodded his head once. With a flourish of his cloak, he walked on.

“You two were close once,” McGonagall said.

“Once,” you replied simply.

“Whatever happened?” It was strange, this almost friendly relationship that had developed between you and your former teacher. Part of you felt like there was something she was hiding up her sleeve. Still, you had been aching to talk about it for years. Long buried emotions came to the forefront of your mind and your mouth started speaking before you could stop yourself. 

“It’s...it’s a long story.”

***

You remembered the fight that Sev and Lily had in your fifth year. You remembered hearing that cruel word cross his lips, spat like venom in her direction as she tried to defend him. It played like one of those moving pictures in your mind as you lay in bed that night. 

Everything was about to change once again. 

There had been some semblance of normalcy after you told Sev you loved him and you reveled in it. But after what he said to Lily, you knew there was no hope for going back. 

And you were right. 

Lily wouldn’t even look at him. No one else would either. Whispers followed to two of you wherever you went. Rumors started to spread, no doubt started by the self proclaimed “Marauders”. The more time you spent with Sev, the more you were at the center of these rumors. 

What little popularity you had before was gone and soon Sev was the only person who would even look in your direction. 

But then he left you too. 

He started to pull away, slowly and then all at once. Where you would once spend meals with him, he was now sitting with his own new friends, a certain group of Slytherins who were well known for their love of the Dark Arts and bullying others. 

It hurt you to the core to watch Sev make new friends that weren’t you. He smiled less, laughed less, and you couldn’t help but wander why he would be happier with them than with you. Then you didn’t even care about his love romantically, you only just missed the warmth of his friendship. 

As he drifted away, you found yourself alone. At one point, you tried to wave at Lily in the halls but her friends hurried away. Still, you couldn’t help but think that you saw a small smile creep up her lips. 

Then you met him. The boy who would steal your heart and refuse to give it back. His name was Cygnus Halcyon.

It was strange, how you and became friends. He found you in a corner of a hidden corridor one day, trying desperately to keep your crying to a minimum. He talked to you, quietly trying to reassure you that everything would be okay, even if he couldn’t really understand what was wrong through your incoherent sobs. 

And from that day on, he was your friend. You were suspicious of him at first, wondering why he even cared to talk to you in the first place. But he was persistent. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, he kept coming back. Even when he ditched the others to come sit with you at meals, part of you hoped that Sev would see and get so unbearably jealous like you had been of him and Lily that he would come over, but he never did. 

Eventually, you stopped thinking about Severus and started to actually see Cygnus sitting there in front of you. 

You weren’t entirely sure how it happened, but you found yourself in love with him one day. It wasn’t anything big or uncomfortable or dramatic. One day, you just felt it, out of the blue and completely comfortable. You kept it to yourself. You had been in this position before and you refused to let history repeat itself. 

He kissed you first, one day just sitting out by the Black Lake. 

“Why did you do that?” You asked him, eyes wide with shock. He laughed, but not in a mean way. 

“You know I love you, right?” 

You didn’t actually know that. You hadn’t even considered it a possibility. 

“I...I didn’t think...you can’t-” 

And then he kissed you again, just so that you would be sure that he was telling you the truth. 

It wasn’t until after graduation that you found out you were pregnant. You knew it was his, of course, there was no one else. 

You had your son at 18, too young, your parents said. But neither you or Cygnus cared as you stared down at the face of the baby boy the two of you loved so deeply. 

***

“He died not shortly after that,” you said, scowling to yourself ever so slightly as you watched a few of the students chase each other through the halls right past you and McGonagall. 

“I heard about Mister Halcyon’s death. I am sorry for your loss,” she said and you turned to look at her with the best smile you could muster. “Ah! It looks like we’ve finally arrived at the kitchens.” 

“Wonderful,” you said with a wider smile. “I’m starved.” 

***

Your cheers of joy could have been heard from the castle as the golden snitch was caught and Ravenclaw won the game. Allyn, who served as one of the chasers, turned to look at you with the widest grin on his face that you had ever seen. If you could snatch him right out of the air and envelope him in the biggest hug, you would have. Unfortunately, he had to go meet with his team first. 

“Your son is good,” McGonagall said from beside you with a smile. “Wish he was in Gryffindor.” 

“Oh, please, from what I’ve heard, your team is going rather well with Harry Potter as the Seeker.” 

You could have sworn you saw the tips of her cheeks tint pink. 

“It is true, he is exceptional. I am afraid, however, with the new Inquisitor, he may very well get himself kicked off of the team before we even get to play our first game.” 

Of course, you had heard all about Dolores Umbridge from Allyn, who sent you a letter almost as soon as the opening feast had begun. You sighed at the mention of her name. 

“I was actually wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming back to the school to take up a teaching position for a while,” McGonagall said as everyone in the stands started to rise. You were taken aback, but not totally surprised. McGonagall had been spending an awful amount of time talking to you today, especially for a teacher you had barely interacted with during school. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, it’s not a teaching position exactly. Madam Pince has been having some troubles in the library keeping everything under control. You spent so much of your time in the library during your time here I was hoping-” 

“I’ll do it,” you said quickly, starting to smile. “I’ll take the position.” 

McGonagall gave a wiry smile. 

“Thank you. How soon can you move in?” 

***

“Mama!” 

You raced forward as Allyn ran out from the Quidditch tent. Even at 14, he didn’t seem to care that the others were watching him run into the arms of his mama. Some of them snickered as she brought him into a tight hug. 

“Did you see all the goals I made?” He asked excitedly. You nodded your head as quickly as you could. 

“Of course! You were killer out there, little man.” 

“Do you think Dad was watching?” His grin was unsurpassable. You nodded your head as your throat ran dry. 

“Yes, of course he was,” you told him, trying to keep your voice from breaking. You leaned down just enough to look Allyn in the eyes. “And you is so proud of you. Almost as proud as I am.” 

Allyn hugged you one more time, his squeeze a little more firm than before. 

“Hey, Halcyon!” One of the players from the tent called. “You coming?” 

“Yeah, hold on!” Allyn turned back to you with the widest grin. “Everyone’s going out to eat at Hogsmeade.” 

“Go, have fun. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

Allyn tilted his head to the side. 

“What do you mean?” 

“McGonagall has asked me to take up a position working here,” you told your son with a sly smile. The grin on his face grew even wider, if that was possible. “You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me.” 

***

You somehow managed to stay out of Severus’ path long for the first few weeks while working at Hogwarts. You fell into the same pattern and rhythm that you had in your last two years of school, practically hiding from him so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. It seemed like nothing had changed. 

You were surprised to find him in the library one day. Your first instinct was to hide behind one of the bookshelves. 

“Are you hiding from Professor Snape?” A student next to you asked. You turned quickly to find yourself staring down at Neville Longbottom. “I used to be afraid of him too.” 

You wanted to tell the fifteen year old boy that you weren’t afraid of Professor Snape, that you just had no desire to talk to him at that given time. Instead, you swallowed your pride and looked back over at your old friend. 

“How did you overcome it, Mister Longbottom?” You asked him. He looked up at you and almost smiled.

“I’ve spent too much of my life being afraid. I’m trying to make my parents proud.” 

You smiled and a warmth blossomed in your chest. 

“I’m sure they are very proud of you, Mister Longbottom.” There was a glassiness to his eyes as he glanced back down at his Herbology textbook. “And if it means anything at all, I’m very proud of you, too.” 

He smiled up at you then. 

“It means a great deal. Thank you.” 

Walking back to your chambers that night, you knew that you couldn’t avoid Severus any longer. He was your coworker now, your fellow employee. You weren’t sure that Dumbledore would take all too kindly to two members of his staff refusing to communicate. 

You sought him out the next morning, bristling with courage. You saw a lot of yourself in Neville. If he could overcome his fears, then so could you. 

“y/n,” Severus said when you walked into the dungeon where his potions class was. It was clear by the few remaining students that a class had just ended. You felt a twinge of fear strike your heart, but you pushed past it. 

“Hello, Severus,” you said. The last few students walked around you and you stepped forward to meet your old friend. He stiffened as you approached and you took that to mean you had gone far enough. 

“What do you want?” He asked. You cleared your throat. 

“We work together now,” you said and then shook your head. “I should say, I know we have a past...erm...we were friends once....I mean, we are still friends if you want to be friends still, but I just wanted to say....”

Pausing, you closed your eyes and tried to imagine Cygnus there beside you, whispering words of comfort in your ear. He was a steady ground and some place stable to stand. He never judged you for stumbling over your words or starting a sentence over three times in a row. If he was there beside you, you could do anything. 

When you opened your eyes again, Severus’ face was just as unreadable as it had been before. But you were no longer afraid. 

“I don’t want there to be any ill will or bad blood between us. We’re working together now and I would like that work relationship to be one of mutual respect. You’ve lived your life and I’ve lived mine. But we’re here now and it’s nothing like when we were kids. I would appreciate a having a professional relationship with you, Professor Snape.” When you finished, you could almost hear Cygnus mutter a congratulations. 

You almost smiled to yourself. Severus’ face never even twitched. 

“You don’t have to call me Professor Snape,” was all he said in response. “Severus is fine.” 

That sense of pride that had burned in your chest twisted and became like a heavy weight. Severus...almost like you were friends again. You were partially grateful that it seemed as if he had forgotten how to smile. You always loved his smile. 

All you could do was nod your head before turning to leave swiftly. 

You barely made it back to your chambers before you started to cry. Maybe it was the relief from the weight you had been carrying around your shoulders for the last few weeks that made you break down, but you had a feeling that it was standing in front of Severus again and feeling like you barely knew him. 

You tried to remind yourself as your tears continued to run from your eyes that Severus had long ago stopped being your friend and it had been his choice, not yours. He was the one who walked away, not you. 

And he would have to live with it.

***

Severus got his dream job the next year. You had spent almost your entire first year on the job trying very hard not to punch Dolores Umbridge in the throat that you had almost forgotten that it was always DADA that Snape had wanted to teach. But there was something off that year, a chill in the air. 

“You’ve gotta be careful, Allyn,” you told your son one day while the two of you were picnicking by the Black Lake. “You can feel the shifts in the wind, right?” 

Allyn nodded his head. 

“It feels...darker than last year,” he said, looking up at the sky. You nodded slowly. 

“But everything will be alright,” you told him with a smile. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I can be so sure because everything will be fine as long as I have you with me and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.”

Allyn smiled up at you, a twinkle in his eye. He shifted his gaze out to the water. 

“Did you come here with Dad?” he asked. You breathed in deeply through your nose and followed his line of sight. 

“Yes. We came out here often.” 

“I miss him.” 

“I do, too.” Leaning over, you pressed a kiss to the top of Allyn’s head. 

The two of you sat blissfully in silence, both picturing Cygnus there with you. It was a happy thought. 

Later that day, you were in your chambers getting ready for bed when a hurried knock came to your door. 

Scowling, you walked over, part of you fearing that it was Allyn. But when you threw your door wide open, you were more than surprised to see who was on the other side. 

“Severus.” 

He looked a mess. Dishelved, paler than usual, his eyes wide with fear. He breathed heavily, leaning one hand up against your doorframe as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Severus, what’s-” 

“Can I come in?” He asked. His monotonous façade was dropped and you heard the fear in his voice, fear and worry. 

“Of course.” You stepped out of the way and let him inside. He crossed the room before you even had the chance to close your door, leaning his back up against your far wall. “Please, tell me what’s happened.” 

He pressed his lips together, as if physically keeping a secret inside his mouth. Your heart thrummed in your chest. Only once before had you ever seen him so out of state and that was the night Lily died. He came to your house to deliver the news, but he ended up crying on your bathroom floor instead. That had been the last time you saw him before coming to work at Hogwarts and here you were again in a similar situation. 

“I can’t,” he said finally, shaking his head. “No, I can’t.”

“Okay. That’s okay.” You stepped toward him with one raised hand. As slow as your movements were, he still flinched away. “You’re okay, Sev. You’re safe in here.” 

He shut his eyes, squeezing them as tight as he could as he leaned his head against the wall. He slowly slid to the ground, knees pressed up against his chest as he rested his face in his arms. 

You were frozen where you were. A thousand questions rattled through your brain that you knew would never be answered. You looked at him more carefully and on one of his arms you could see a series of scars that were unmistakable. The Unbreakable Vow. 

“Oh, Sev,” you breathed, your heart going suddenly still. What have you done? 

At the sound of your voice, he started to cry. It was such a shocking sound that for a few moments, you didn’t even realize that was what was happening. And the few moments after that, you weren’t entirely sure what to do. 

But then you reminded yourself that the crying man before you was your friend. And maybe you weren’t great with talking to people and maybe your social skills weren’t the best, but if there was one thing you were good at, it was taking care of the few friends you had. 

Pushing past whatever roadblock kept you from comforting him, you stepped forward, quiet on your toes so not to startle him. He flinched again as you slowly lowered yourself to the ground next to him. Moving as slowly as you could so you didn’t startle him away, you slowly put your arms around him. One arm behind his neck and the other wrapped around his front so you could rest your palm against the side of his head. 

He tensed against your touch for the first couple of seconds, but the he softened and then he collapsed, turning in toward you. He grabbed your arm for dear life, his fists stuffed full of your long sleeves. His tear stricken face was pressed to your chest, your chin resting on the top of his head as he cried. It broke your heart to hear such a closed down man cry the way he was. Even more so, it killed you to know that your best friend was suffering and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it. 

“Shh,” you whispered gently, holding him as tight as you could. “You are safe, Sev. I’m here. I’m here.” 

Dumbledore was killed two months later. 

He had never been your favorite person, but seeing his lifeless body lay motionless on the hard stone ground sent chills down your spine. It didn’t help that there had just been Death Eaters storming the castle, Severus as their head. 

You weren’t sure what broke your heart more; the fact that he had been working with the Death Eaters all this time and put your son in danger or the fact that he had the chance to kill you but he didn’t. 

Allyn was sobbing as you held onto him from behind. Almost the entire school stood around their headmaster’s body, a painful silence hung over all of them. Without Dumbledore, it seemed like the fight against Voldemort would be a vain one. 

The world was no longer safe and there was no where to take your son away. Either Voldemort had to die or Allyn could never live in peace again. And for you, only one of those was an option. 

***

You gasped, jumping to the side as a spell flew overhead. Taking barely any time to recover from your fall, you fired a return spell at the Death Eater in front of you. 

You breathed in deeply through your nose, hoping to stifle the burning fear in your chest. This was a different kind of fear than you were used to. This was deeper, immediate, like gliding over a smooth surface. You were mortified, but there was absolutely no time to waste in being afraid. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of the three children who had done the most for this school in the past seven years. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were scurrying across the grounds, heading toward to boat dock. You glanced back at the castle, knowing full well that the battle was raging heavily there and they could use every wand they could get. But you also knew that if those three were going somewhere, it was important. 

And you weren’t going to leave them alone. 

You supposed you were a bit braver knowing that Allyn was safe and far from here. He had protested wildly when you demanded that he go home, but you didn’t care how loudly he screamed. There was no way you were going to lose him to the same people who killed his father. As long as he was safe from here, you would die fighting Voldemort’s army if that was what it took. 

You hurried after the kids, keeping yourself at a safe distance away so you didn’t startle them. When they reached the boat house, you ducked behind a tree. There were voices inside the building. One was definitely the raspy voice of Voldemort. The other was just as easy to place. 

“Severus,” you whispered to yourself. Your heart panged painfully. If this past year with him as headmaster had taught you anything, it was that he was no longer the boy you once loved. He had grown up and made all the wrong choices. But you had grown up too. 

And then your heard the hiss of a snake and the sickening sound of a body hitting loose glass window panes. You covered your mouth with your hand to keep yourself from gasping too loudly. You knew before you even came from out behind the tree what had happened. 

Almost instantly, hot tears started to slide down your cheeks. You could hear Voldemort disapparate and as soon as he was gone, you pushed yourself out from behind the tree and ran toward the children. They snapped their heads toward you, wands raised, and you put your hands up. 

It took them a few seconds to recognize you, but once they did, they relaxed. 

“Professor Snape-” Miss Granger started, her face blanched from fear. You nodded your head. 

Mister Potter was the first one to move. He stood from where he was, his legs shaking as he rose. He moved toward the door like he was walking on glass. You supposed, as the adult, you should be the first to go inside, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Not until Harry was all the way inside. 

The boathouse smelled like algae. That stench was the only thing you could think about when you first entered. Staring down at Severus as he lay bleeding on the ground, all you could do was wonder why, with all the magic in the world, they couldn’t make the boathouse smell better. 

Ron kept a tight arm wrapped around Hermione by the door while you and Harry walked toward Severus on the ground. 

“Professor,” Harry said. Severus head lolled to the side and you could see the wide, bleeding gash on his neck. Your lips trembled as you lowered yourself slowly to the ground on the other side. The stone floor was cold, even through your pants. Severus didn’t even look at you. 

Silver tears rolled from his eyes, but it was nothing like that night the year before. These were tears of a tired man in pain, ready to let go. 

“Take them,” he said to Harry, his voice hoarse. “Take them!”

“Hermione, a vial?” Harry turned back toward his friend. 

“Here,” you said, pulling a vial out the pocket of your cloak. You couldn’t remember why you had put it there, but you were glad you did. Harry took it, his hands shaking, and dipped the rim underneath Severus’ tears, collecting them at the bottom. 

You were lost. The tears of a dying man meant nothing to you, but Severus seemed to relax once Harry had them in his possession. He took in a shuddering breath and you reached out to grab his hand. Still, he looked at Harry, who held his gaze. 

“You have your mother’s eyes,” Severus said. You pushed down a sob. Even with his dying breath, he still thought of her. You hung your head so the children wouldn’t see you crying. 

Severus breathed in another shaking breath and squeezed your hand as he let it out. You looked back up at him, but that was it. 

He was gone. 

***

You were still numb when the battle was over. It was all a blur to you, what happened after Severus died. Harry died but then he wasn’t dead, more fighting. You could barely hear the screams over the buzzing in your ears. Your mind was a blank, banking completely on muscle memory to keep you alive. 

But once it was all over, that numbness didn’t fade. You sat with Madam Pince in the Great Hall. It seemed smaller now. You weren’t sure why. 

Across from you, Remus Lupin and his new wife lay with their hands clasped together. That made you the last one. You were the only one left. Not even that thought produced a single tear. 

“Miss Halcyon?” 

You looked up to find Neville Longbottom standing in front of you and you somehow managed to smile. He had cut the head off the snake that sat on Voldemort’s shoulders. it was quite the spectacle. 

“Harry’s looking for you,” he said. Your smile turned into a scowl and you pushed yourself onto your feet. 

“For me?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

“Won’t say, but he’s in Dumbledore’s Office.” 

You nodded your head and took a step forward. Before you walked past the boy, you placed your hand on his shoulder. 

“You have made your parents very proud, Mister Longbottom,” you told him. His cheeks turned red, but he nodded anyway. 

“And you’ve made your son proud, Miss Halcyon.” You were going to ask him what he meant, but he gave you no time to do so. “Harry. Dumbledore’s Office.” 

“Right. Be safe, Neville.” 

“The war’s over.” 

“Still. Be safe.” 

“Will do, Miss H.” 

He turned away from you then, sitting in the place you had just been. That left you to go find Harry. 

It was a horrible thing, to walk through the castle when it was full of so much destruction. Nearly every corridor was destroyed to some degree. Large slabs of cement littered the ground. Blood splattered here and there. It was impossible to determine if the blood was from someone on your side or someone on Voldemort’s. Either way, you felt your stomach curdle at the sight of it. 

Most of the bodies had been cleared at that point, but some still lay around here and there. You tried to ignore them. 

You weren’t sure if you should knock on the door to Dumbledore’s office or if you should just go in. You decided that you were an adult and knocking wasn’t required when both men who once worked in that office were now dead. 

You pushed your way inside. 

Harry was just sitting there on the stairs, the same look of numbness on his face that you imagined was on yours. When he saw you, he looked up and stood. 

“Neville said you wanted to see me,” you said, pulling on the edges of your sleeves. The edges were singed and still hot from someone setting your cloak on fire. 

“I need to show you something,” he said, taking a few steps toward you. “Or, I guess, Professor Snape does.” 

You tilted your head to the side, eyebrows pinched together. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“You will.” 

He beckoned you over to a round bowl floating in the middle of the room. 

“What is this?” 

“A pensive. It shows you memories.” 

You remembered the tears that Harry had collected. They hadn’t been tears at all. They were Severus’ memories. 

“He showed me what I needed to see to defeat Voldemort, but I think he left something for you, too.” 

You shook your head slowly, tears gathering in your eyes like a storm. 

“I don’t want to see his memories.” 

“I think you need to.” 

You look at the water bowl, rolling your lower lip between your teeth. You looked back at Harry then and finally saw what Severus was talking about. He really did have Lily’s eyes. 

“Your mother and I, we were friends, you know,” you said. Harry almost smiled. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“I miss her very much,” you told him. “Very much.”

Harry said nothing and you took that to mean that you had better get to surfing through Severus’ memories. 

When you placed your face in the bowl, you saw all the same things Harry did. You saw how Severus met Lily, all the time they spent together. You watched how he fell in love with her and how she fell in love with James. You watched yourself on the sidelines of these memories, never speaking, only there in passing. You watched him find her body, watched him as he went pleading with Dumbledore. You watched his horror as he discovered what Dumbledore’s plan for Harry was. 

You thought that was it. But then it seemed to start over. 

All the memories that had been so full of Lily were now full of you. You watched him laugh beside you at the Black Lake. You watched his little smile at you while you slept on one of your books. You had been studying for OWLs. You remembered that. You watched the two of you dancing horribly in one of the spare classrooms while the rest of the school was partying in the Great Hall one Halloween night. You watched as he held you in the darkness of your room, your parents screaming at each other downstairs. You watched as you stood between him and a spell shot his way by James Potter in third year. 

And then you saw him pull away from you at the end of fifth year. He watched on as you and Cygnus grew closer and anger bubbled in your chest. It wasn’t your anger though, it was his. 

“Why did you do it?” You wondered as you watched on. “Why did you push me away?” 

He seemed to have the answer for you. 

Those friends he had, the ones who all turned out to be Death Eaters. You watched them mock you and so many others, joking about how they would torture and hurt you. How, as Voldemort grew more powerful, people like you would be rid of. 

But once he had separated ties with you completely, your name was no longer brought up. They mocked and made fun of and threatened others, but not you, never you. 

As long as Severus was away from you, you were safe. 

You watched the night he came to your house after Lily died. Cygnus was still alive at that point, he was the one who opened the door. Hearing those heart wrenching sobs from Severus broke your heart all over again. 

You watched the day you first came back to Hogwarts. You saw yourself through his eyes. 

You watched the scene that sent him to your door crying. How the poor Malfoy boy was being forced to kill Dumbledore, but Severus knew he wouldn’t have the strength to do it. Severus knew that he would have to kill one of the only people he had ever trusted. 

The last thing you saw was Severus standing in front of the mirror. He was staring at himself, but he was looking at you. 

“If something happens to me, y/n, know that I...I am sorry. For everything.” 

For everything. Everything that he had just showed you. Everything that he had done. Everything that he was going to do. 

“Not all of this was for her,” he said. “Some of it was for you. You were the only one...the only one who stayed after it all. There is so much I wish to tell you, but I can’t. So, I just have one thing to say to you. Thank you.” 

There wasn’t even a lingering second before the memory disappeared. Your vision darkened, the murky water returning. 

You straightened your back, lifting your face from the bowl. Water trickled down your cheeks, but it wasn’t the water from the bowl. It was your tears. 

You ran your sleeve underneath your nose once before turning to face the empty room. Harry had left sometime while you were in the memories. Well enough, you thought. Better than him seeing you in such a mess. 

You left the office, leaving behind the last memories of your best friend. It was time to move on. He was gone. He had been gone for a very, very long time. 

“It’s time to move on.” 

“Mama!” 

You snapped your head to the side at the sound of Allyn’s voice. 

“Allyn?” Your voice broke. 

He was bolting toward you through one of the destroyed corridors, grinning. His face was covered in soot and dust and dirt, but he never looked so happy. His clothes were torn and singed like yours were. It didn’t take long for you to put two and two together. He had never left the battle. He had been here the whole time. 

But you had no time to be angry with him. Just at the sight of your son, your heart started to soar back to life. The numbness faded and you took one step forward and then another and another until you were running toward him just as quickly as he was running toward you. 

The two of you collided, holding onto each other for dear life. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him. 

“It’s over,” he said when he pulled away. The sixteen year old boy in front of you was all you needed, you realized. Cygnus was gone, Severus was gone, Lily was gone, but you still had your son. As long as he was there, nothing else mattered. 

[teddy-stonehill]

Tagged by @comradegrantaire 

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

Only 19 lol, I don’t write a lot of fanfic

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

46,630. Honestly, more than I expected. 

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I’ve written for twelves lol. Mostly I’ve written one shots for things so I don’t often write a lot for any given fandom. And a lot of these were fics I wrote for other people so they’re not all necessarily for fandoms I actually care that much about personally lol.

The fandoms I’ve written for are: Fire Emblem Three Houses, Run with the Wind, Friends at the Table, The Flash, NieR: Automata, Mystic Messenger, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Adventure Zone, Hikaru No Go, Merlin, and Dungeon Meshi. 

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. The Importance of Selfishness, which is a Sinbad: Legend of the Seven seas fic I wrote for a friend. I think I’ve only seen that movie once lol. But I do think it’s kind of a solid standalone short story, and I’m pretty sure there aren’t a lot of fics in that tag so people still read it regularly even though it’s like 5 years old at this point.

2. Disappointment, Understanding, which I do personally consider my crowning fanfic achievement. It’s a (primarily) Jumin Han/Zen Mystic Messenger fanfic written in the style of the game (text chats interspersed with cut scenes.) I managed to match the idiosyncratic style of the game really well AND the fic is almost entirely canon compliant except for the pairings getting together lol. I’m still proud of this fic. It’s good.

3. Finding the Words, which is a 2B/60 NieR Automata fic. This is another one I wrote for a friend and honestly I don’t think it’s even that good, but lesbian NieR fans are desperate for content. 

4. Look This Way, which is a short, again mostly canon compliant, fic about Prince/Kakeru from the anime Run With the Wind. I think this one stands out in searches because Prince/Kakeru is the less popular pairing for that show but I stand by it as being better. Haiji/Kakeru fans are welcome to come fight me.

5. Not So Alone, which is a Midge/Susie Marvelous Mrs. Maisel fic. Again, this probably stands out because it’s a small tag. But also the fact that that show hasn’t canonically made Susie a lesbian yet is a hate crime. 

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Not very consistently. If I don’t have anything substantial to add I feel self-conscious about responding. And I don’t want to feel like I’m artificially inflating my comment count by replying “thanks” to every comment. 

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Possibly Dying is Not Romantic, a short Shamir/Catherine FE3H fanfic I wrote about the potential timeline in which Shamir kills Catherine. 

Or, arguably, Mercedes Dies of Cholera, also an FE3H fic, but it was written partially as a joke so I’m not sure that counts. I did also try to make it sincerely sad though lmao

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I did once write a Jake from Brooklyn Nine Nine/Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec fic lmao. I wrote it in the format of a television script. 

But I never posted that anywhere publicly, I just physically printed it out and mailed it to my friend who I wrote it for lmao. 

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I remember, but I don’t it’s possible that I have and I’ve just forgotten. I think I mostly write for fandoms and parings that are too obscure to really inspire much hate. 

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

I usually do a “fade to black” sort of thing if my fics include sex, but I have written one actually explicit fanfic and that was... the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel one lmao. 

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’ve noticed. I don’t think I would really care if they were.

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

People have asked permission to translate a couple of my fics into Russian before. If anyone translated them without asking for permission first I don’t know about it. I don’t really keep a close eye out for these things. 

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve written fics based on other people’s ideas/prompts before, if that counts. 

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don’t really have one. I’m not that hardcore into shipping culture. 

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I wrote half of a Marcille/Farlyn Dungeon Meshi fic once that I think would have been good. But if I don’t finish a fanfic in one sitting I usually won’t finish it. I’m much more dedicated to writing original fiction, so I only ever write fanfiction on random hyperfocus whims. 

15) what are your writing strengths?

I’m good at character and dialogue and I’m VERY good at matching different writing styles. I don’t write fanfic that often but whenever I do I usually get comments about how well I captured the voice of whatever I’m writing a fic for. 

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t think very visually so I’m not very good at writing descriptions or action scenes where I have to think about characters existing in space.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fc?

I wouldn’t try to write in a language I don’t speak, and I don’t really see why this is something that would come up often. But again I don’t actually write fanfic that often and I READ fanfic even less. Is this a common thing people do? Why?

I guess it might make sense in some specific contexts but... why.

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

When I was very young I wrote a fic about an original character in the pokemon universe, based off of a forum roleplay. This fanfic is not online anymore. 

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

It’s Disappointment, Understanding for sure. Seriously, if you were into the Mystic Messenger craze back in the day I highly recommend it lol. I like to reread it just for fun sometimes.

Other than that, I’m also hugely fond of Chance Encounter, which is a Laisu/Kabru Dungeon Meshi fic. I’m only bringing it up because I didn’t get a chance to bring it up in any of the earlier questions and I think it’s hilarious. So if you like Dungeon Meshi check it out. 

I tag @heronfem, and... that’s it. I don’t know that many fanfic writers lol. 

[ivarinleatherpants]

ok, OTP questions all of them. Or one through ten. Or one through five. You know what, I don't care. Gimme, I'm desperate.

Whelp, we’ll see how many of these I can get through! XD

1: Who spends almost all their money on the other?

-Ivar. Totally Ivar. He’s the one who has never needed to stick to a budget, and he loves spoiling Gwen with all the nice things she could never afford growing up.

2: Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

-Ivar wants Gwen to sit in his lap more, but she gets worried about hurting his legs. More often, it’s Ivar who ends up falling asleep with his head in her lap while she runs her hand through his hair.

3: Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

-Pfft. Ivar, obviously. The second he comes home the shirt comes off. Gwen doesn’t mind so much, but she needs to get stuff done, dammit! She can’t keep getting distracted by the... arms... and... the other muscles... and...

4: Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?

-It’s pretty equal. Though Ivar’s the one who’s more likely to actually be out all night. He loves to go to punk concerts or to play with his band, but Gwen doesn’t like the noise and crowds. Sometimes she’ll come pick him up, but a lot of times she just waits for him to come home.

It probably doesn’t help that he always gets very... erm... energetic... after all the adrenaline. Then he comes home with his full punk-regalia on, his makeup all smudged and his hair messy and... yeah...

5: Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

-Gwen. She’s a competent cook, and can make a decent meal, but she has to have a recipe she can follow or else things can get out of hand. Ivar is just proud of her for trying to go out of her comfort zone, even though she can’t cook a steak to save her life.

6: Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”?

-Ivar doesn’t know what an OTP prompt even is, and teases Gwen horribly for reading fanfiction.

Ivar: *Gleefully* This is straight-up porn, Ging!

Gwen: GIVE THAT BACK THIS MINUTE!

Ivar: Metal arms? Really? Is that your thing, babe? Blue eyes and a bit broken?

Gwen: I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!

7: Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

-Gwen totally wears Ivar’s shirts.

It’s unlikely anything but Gwen’s most over-sized ugly sweaters would fit Ivar.

Not that he’s ever tried or anything... but there was that one pair of pants that would have gone SO well with his jacket...

8: Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?”

-Again, probably equal. Gwen does a lot of the shopping early on, just because-again-Ivar had no clue how to shop frugally. But later on she ends up working at Kattegat U as a research scientist/teacher, and he has Heathen Hotrods so he can stay home with the kids, he ends up running a lot of the errands.

9: Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

-Depends. They both like to drive. There are some cars Ivar prefers to drive, but he categorically refuses to drive Gwen’s Subaru Mom-mobile, so it’s a toss-up. It also depends of in one is more tired, or if Ivar’s legs are hurting more than usual.

10: Which one does the posing while the other one draws?

-Gwen is the only one who draws, but she doesn’t do people. Ivar does like to take pictures, though, and has quite the collection *wink wink nudge nudge*.

11: If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?

-Ivar is the backflipper, while Gwen would be following behind, shouting at him to be more careful and STOP doing that he’s going to hurt himself!

12: Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking?

-Oddly enough, Gwen is probably more likely to overdo it. She doesn’t know her own limits the way Ivar does. He’s good at keeping an eye on her and letting her have fun, but making sure she drinks water and stops before she makes herself really sick.

13: Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

-They’re both the sort to get little things just because it makes them think of the other. Ivar probably a little bit more, just because he’s more financially spontaneous. 

14: Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?

-Gwen hyphenates when they get married. Ivar proudly introduces them as Dr. and Mr. Wessex-Lothbrok. It gets to the point where he sometimes forgets he didn’t actually change his name. XD

15: Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?

-Neither of them are super bothered by spiders. Unless it’s a really big one and it shows up in the shower, then both of them are likely to shriek and cry for help.

16: Which one gives the other their jacket?

-Gwen probably spends more time wearing Ivar’s jackets than he does. She doesn’t even have to indicate that she’s cold, he just has this sort of sixth sense and immediately swoops in like some leather-clad savior.

17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?

-I think this is pretty obvious, considering it’s already happened. lol. It’s a long time before Ivar and Aethelred actually start to get along, and even longer before they can really be considered ‘friends’. 

18: Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?

-Let’s see. Ivar pretty much jumped in head first, but Gwen was the first to say “I love you”. It’s easy for him to be affectionate, but hard for him to talk seriously about his feelings. Whereas Gwen grew up in a family that was much more open about that sort of thing.

19: How good would your OTP be at parenting?

-They both have their strengths and weaknesses. Gwen has less experience with kids, and is pretty uncomfortable with them when she first meets Ivar’s huge family. He’s the one who is the most gung-ho about having kids, but isn’t actually all that into kids that aren’t his own.

With their kids, Ivar is really good at handling the not-so-serious stuff, the tantrums over silly things that Gwen has a hard time being patient with. But it’s really hard for him if one of his kids is really hurt, whereas Gwen is very good at remaining calm during crises. 

20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

-They’re both grammar Nazis, and mock Alfred for using numbers and other text shorthand.

21: Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?

-They will both come in, guns blazing, if someone tries to hurt the other. They even aggressively defend each other against themselves. Self-deprecation is met with physical assaults with deadly plushies.

22: Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?

-Ivar makes ALL the bad puns, and is SO happy when he’s finally able to legitimately use dad humor. Gwen pretends to cringe, but she actually thinks he’s really funny.

23: Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy?

-Gwen has come home to find a new animal many times. Many, many times. Once it was a daschaund puppy that had lost all it’s fur (Napoleon), another time it was a mini horse in their shed. Ivar argues that he tried to say ‘no’, but the kids insisted.

Ivar: No guys, we aren’t adopting the horse.

Judah (a.k.a Ivar Jr.): *Slapping his little four-year-old hand down emphatically* Daddy! He needs a famiwy!

Alyssa (a.k.a Gwen Jr): *Two and already running the world with an iron pout* Pony! Pony!

24: Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?

-Ivar: Are you tired? Wanna ride on my back?

Gwen: No.

Ivar: Giiing! C’moooon!

Gwen: No! Your legs are already going to be hurting from all this walking!

Ivar: Ging, get over her and let me carry you!

Gwen: No, you can’t make me!

*Continues, ad infinitum.*

25: Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering?

-Ivar is more likely to play a sport, but really, he’s the shameless fanboy. Gwen’s maybe tried to leave him at home once or twice when she’s getting an award of some kind, because he makes that bad of a ruckus.

26: Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder?

-Ivar. He just can’t get enough of his cutie-patootie. Gwen protests that her drooling isn’t cute, and if he doesn’t delete that right now, so help her...

27: Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked?

-Also Ivar. The few times Gwen’s gone with him to a show, she lets him give her a full punk makeover. Just in general he likes to pick out her clothes. He may know the contents of her closet slightly better than she does.

28: Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of?

-Neither of them is really afraid of the other’s pet, but Gwen is deeply suspicious of Napoleon on occasion. She’s sure he’s not as innocent as he looks, especially considering the number of times he’s conned Ivar into letting him sleep in their bed.

29: Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?

-Ivar has a strong streak of chivalry, hammered into him since birth by Aslaug. She taught him how to behave in high society, and there’s certain things that he still does on instinct.

30: If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures?

-They’re both homebodies to a certain extent, so they wouldn’t be constantly travelling, but they’d still like to visit other countries. Especially Ivar, who loves history. They probably take a couple trips every year. Gwen plans out the itinerary and makes Ivar stick to it despite his tendency to wander off. They like to see historical sites and go to museums. Probably a good mix of exciting stuff like amusement parks, and just chilling in a nice hotel somewhere scenic.

Ivar, of course, brings two or three cameras along and uses all of them.