#muster the energy to cook a decent meal

[sodacowboy]

I hate you I hate you I hate you

[pure-garbage]

It Helps Him Focus? Total Satisfaction!

Chapter Warnings: Smut! Oral, overstimulation, penetration, light choking. Minors DNI

Lana collapsed, completely unable to move, a long time ago. The relief she felt when Zoro finally gave out and fell alongside her couldn't be captured with words. She gave a loud groan, summoning every lingering ounce of energy at her disposal to lift her hand high enough to rip the bandana off his head. Unsurprisingly, it was soaked with his sweat.

"So, have you ever been so satisfied in your life?" he managed.

Lana tried to slap him with the bandana, but couldn't muster enough force to make the blow so much as smart. The wet smack of the fabric against his skin was weak at best.

"Idiot," she all but drooled, bordering on catatonic with exhaustion.

"I mean, I can go again if you're still not totally satisfied," Zoro threatened.

Lana giggled a little at his stubbornness. Tired as she was, it would have been a lie to claim she hadn't had a hell of a good time.

'It's such a stupid thing to even want... but I guess he's earned it,' she thought.

"No, Zoro," she sighed. "I have never, ever, in my entire life been so satisfied."

8 Hours Earlier

The straw hats all knew Sanji was working on something special for Luffy's birthday, but the extravagant meal he put together to mark the occasion surpassed all their highest expectations.

"Keep it coming, Sanji!" Luffy called jubilantly past a full mouth.

"It's all so amazing, I can't stop eating!" Chopper agreed.

"I've never tasted anything this good before! Not even from you, Sanji!" Usopp agreed.

Even Zoro was all smiles amidst of the ruckus at the table, chaotic revelry which Sanji both curated and basked in.

"So good!" Lana declared, joining the rest of the crew in praising their cook. "I don't think I've ever been so satisfied in my life!"

Sanji was delighted beyond compare at the high praise, but not everyone was as happy. Lana's choice of words stuck in Zoro's craw and left a sour taste in his mouth that he found himself unable to completely wash away with sake. His displeasure went unnoticed as the celebration wore on.

It wasn't long before the whole crew was laid out in an overstuffed stupor, scattered through the lounge that echoed with heavy snores and sleepy mumbles. The soft clinks and splashes of Sanji's cleanup effort drifted from the kitchen, beckoning Lana. She stirred with a sigh, leaning up from her lazy sprawl between Zoro's legs on the couch.

"I'm going to help him out. You coming?" she asked.

"He's fine."

Lana giggled as Zoro wrapped his legs around her, pulling her back down onto him.

"We made such a mess," she tsked.

"Curly brows knew what he was signing up for."

"But- mm..."

He caught her with a kiss to silence her, caught her off guard with his intensity. Lana didn't mind surrendering, shivering with delight as his hands swept greedily down her figure. She lost herself, letting the world fall away as her tongue tangled with his and she pressed her body enthusiastically into his eager touch. Passion was characteristic of the man she called hers, fully expected. Still, there was something especially assertive in the way he clutched her now, bringing her breath to a pant and her heartbeat to a pounding race.

Possessiveness overwhelmed Zoro, still seething secretly at the remark he knew Lana hadn't put any thought into. She hadn't meant anything by it, but it still bothered him.

'She's mine to satisfy,' he thought vehemently. He drank her soft, pleased moans as if they were the only antidote to the envious poison he couldn't help but fall prey to. 'Mine... NOT that damned cook's!'

Lana broke away gasping when his fingers started to creep under her clothes.

"Hey! Everyone's here!" she reminded him.

"They are," he growled, mouth wet and burning on the skin of her neck, undeterred by the interrupted kiss.

"Let's go to bed," she sighed, tugging his wrists to keep herself decent as he pushed and pulled at her hems.

Zoro only hummed his agreement, seeking her lips again as he sat up and urged her legs around his waist. Lana went pliantly, submitting to his strength as he carried her effortlessly through the ship to the tiny cabin they now shared. The room was pitch black, but that suited them both just fine.

Zoro deposited her on the bed, his body weighing hers down briefly before he left her. Eyes adjusting, Lana could just barely make out his silhouette as he shed clothes and she hurried to follow his example. He was done before she was, but waited patiently for her to finish, resisting his urge to interfere. When she did, he surged over her, pressing as much of their bare skin together as possible. She expected another kiss, but he refused her advance, teeth grazing her ear teasingly while she huffed lightly.

"I hope you're ready for this," he breathed, his tone matching the playfulness of his wandering caresses.

"Hm?"

Lana returned his touch in kind and waited for him to go on.

"By the time I'm through with you..."

His voice was low, brimming with lust that struck her through with burning, dizzying desire. She bit her lip, anticipation building deep in her gut as his hands sank to her thighs.

"... you'll be more satisfied than you've ever been in your life."

Devious fingers and the crush of his weight left her gasping, grasping at him as the heat of his breath brushed smolderingly over her ear.

"Even more satisfied than earlier.'

The ire that crept into his tone puzzled Lana, left shaking as Zoro's fingers probed deeper and his tongue busied itself against her quivering skin.

'Earlier?'

She wanted to ask what he was talking about, but lost the words somewhere between her tongue and his lips. She let him steal her breath gratefully, abandoning confusion and rolling her hips wantonly to meet the firm thrust of his long fingers.

"Mm! Mmm!"

She moaned and her legs fell open wide in desperate invitation, yearning for more than his fingers even as he settled into a steady pace. He chuckled happily at her ear, taking in her delirious expression as she arched and quaked under his attentions.

"That's it," he purred, wrist flexing as he all but fucked her. Her nails dug into his shoulders, soft and cruel at once while his free hand cradled the back of her neck. "Good girl... so hungry for it... such a good little slut for me!"

His words brought heat rushing up to her cheeks, brought a cascade of breathless, keening whimpers bubbling up from her gut. Shy, flattered butterflies chased the sounds away with fluttering wings, excited by his praise and riled up by his filth. He lapped the noises up like some rare delicacy, a treat only she could offer him. A balm for the bruises her careless words left on his ego.

He crooked his fingers inside her, inviting, urging her to call his name. She never failed to oblige and now was no exception. Zoro's breath caught deep in his throat as his gaze swept over her and he was left stricken by her sensual beauty. Trembling, hair wild, eyes lidded, lips parted and legs spread for him while she clenched and pulsed around his buried fingers...

'Delicious,' he thought, licking the smirk off his own lips at the sight.

He devoured a path from her throat to her thighs, leaving behind a trail of dark spots and wet marks as her fingers sank into his hair encouragingly. His tongue replaced his fingers while his hands locked her thighs apart.

Lana's ecstatic cries surrounded them, hands fisting in the sheets and his hair as he consumed her with abandon. Neither were keeping track of the time, but they lost an hour while Zoro let himself get drunk on Lana's pleasure.

By the time he decided he'd had his fill, she'd lost count of her orgasms. Overstimulation was starting to blur the line between build and climax, leaving her drifting through a hedonic haze, moored to reality only by her lover's touch. When he finally released her, she slumped bonelessly into tangled sheets, breath ragged and legs weak. Every muscle shook from the exertion of tensing and releasing at Zoro's command. Light-headedness settled over her now that her body had the chance to recover from the world-rending marathon of pleasures he'd just subjected it to.

Once her panting subsided, she whined his name.

"I didn't even get to touch you once," she complained.

"Oh, don't worry."

Zoro loomed between her legs in the darkness, arms high as he bore down over her. Lana raised an eyebrow at him, watching as he secured his trademark bandana onto his head.

"I haven't even started yet," he assured her.

"Started what?!" she demanded, mildly alarmed by the appearance of the item she associated solely with Zoro's most bloodthirsty rampages. "WHY are you putting that on?!"

"To help me focus," he said, tone implying this should have been obvious.

"Focus on what, exactly?"

Lana struggled up onto her elbows, only for Zoro to press her back down again.

"Not finishing too soon," he grinned, swiftly pushing her knees up to her shoulders. The position was familiar, but the suddenness left Lana reeling a little, moans gasped against Zoro's fervent lips as he bent over her for a sloppy kiss. She cupped his cheeks in her palms, heartbeat pounding as she tried to figure out why he would be worried about coming too fast.

'That's... never really been a problem for us before,' she thought, baffled.

Zoro sensed her confusion, felt it feeding hesitance and unease. Her discomfort was completely unacceptable to him.

"Relax," he urged, soothing. He coupled the word with a few tender strokes of his palms over her thighs. They trembled with fatigue while her wide eyes swam with questions. "Don't forget, I'll always stop if you tell me to."

"You can keep going, I just don't get... how long do you plan to keep this up tonight anyway?" she managed.

His smirk was full of mischief and confidence. It made her already uneven breath hike and raised bumps of excitement along her arms.

"As long as it takes."

Lana loosed a low, helpless moan as he slipped inside her with no further warning, surging forward to fill her completely.

"I told you already, didn't I?" he went on. He set a languid, easy tempo, leaning down again to fill her ear with gravelly, lusty words while his hips rocked into her. "I'm going to make sure you're satisfied tonight. More satisfied than you've ever been in your life."

This time, the phrase clicked with the memory of her compliment to the chef and Lana suddenly realized why Zoro was so worked up.

'This is about his stupid little rivalry with Sanji?!'

"Zoro!"

He chose that moment to lock their lips again, groaning his pleasure into her mouth as the slow drag of her arousal on his threatened to shatter his resolve. The insistent urges of carnality begged and demanded, tempting the swordsman to abandon discipline and chase the highest point of his own bliss. His lover was as generous as ever in voicing her satisfaction with his efforts, her moans and cries enticing, the heat of her body all-consuming.

Lana was utterly intoxicated, floating on a cloud condensed from the heavenly sensations of their lazy dance. She managed to wind her arms around his waist, dragging him even deeper as his low moans vibrated against her own. The taste of him was overwhelming, masked only slightly by the lingering taste of sake and her own essence.

Zoro didn't leave her with enough time or presence of mind to consider whether she should have chosen her words more carefully at dinner. She was too far lost in their lovemaking, too busy reveling in the slow, wild escalation of her ecstasy as Zoro gradually coaxed her back up to climax.

The rush when it came was blinding, devastating. Lana threw her head back, fighting for breath as Zoro relented momentarily, stilling within her to let her recover.

"There you go, that's my girl," he murmured, lips comforting over her racing pulse as she gasped and writhed beneath him. "Fuck, so good for me... squeezing me so tight... shit! Fuck, Lana, don't stop... keep doing that, stay just like that!"

His hands slid up to her ankles, forcing her legs even higher.

"Z-Zoro! Zoro!"

She screamed his name when he started moving again, adopting a harder pace this time. The steep fold of her body pulled him even deeper inside her as he poured curses and praise over the altar of her frantic, tensing form.

For two straight hours, Zoro fucked Lana, switching positions between orgasms. Sweat coated them, Zoro supporting Lana when her muscles went limp again and again, leaving her reliant on his arms to keep her from unravelling. The sex was mind-numbing, back-breaking, soul-crushing and too damn good for Lana to even entertain the idea of stopping.

Zoro didn't want to stop either, but Lana was driving him insane. The sensation of her gripping his length, her hips pushing mindlessly to meet his strokes while she moaned his name, begged him for more, directed his pace...

"Damn it! Lana, I have to... I can't... Nnng!"

She whined in protest when he pulled out of her.

"Gonna cum if I don't take a break," he panted. In his mind, Zoro was already planning ways to pass the time between his lover's legs until he could calm down enough to take her again.

"Oh, good!" Lana sighed, pushing him onto his back with a relieved smile. She didn't wait for his approval, taking him into her mouth eagerly.

"Ugh! Wait, La- Ah! Mmn!"

Lana took him deeply, greedily, savoring the trembling of his taut thighs and the guttural, strained moans he loosed for her. His tip bumped her throat, but she swallowed to keep herself from gagging and pressed on. Zoro pushed onto his elbows to watch, parted his legs and gave a little thrust, biting back a groan when she broke to breathe.

"Mm, I've never felt you this hard before," Lana gasped slyly, pumping his length in her fist while she held his rapt, lust-struck gaze. "So big for me... No wonder you felt so amazing, filling me up, fucking me so good..."

"Nng! Lana, I'm not done yet!" he growled. "Just... uhhh, just lemme take a break, I'll keep- oh fuck!"

Her tongue lathed over his leaking slit while she stroked him, steady and rhythmic. Sultry eyes burned into his, overflowing with desire and naughtiness that nudged experimentally at the fragile wall of his resolve.

"You already did so good though," she smirked, determined to push him through the barrier that she could tell was only paper-thin. "Mm, I must have cum on your cock a dozen times tonight... Ooh, and you feel like you're ready to burst... Come on, Zoro."

She squeezed him tighter, lowering her voice to a rasp as she held his dark, frenzied gaze.

"I wanna taste you," she went on, tongue darting out tantalizingly between sentences as she drew him closer to the place where she knew his impressive restraint always failed him. "Please? Just let go for me... you earned it..."

Zoro's resolve snapped under the pressure of her persistent, crafty encouragement.

"Fuck! Mm, Lana! Fuck, here... here it comes!" he groaned, giving in to what they both wanted.

His cursing intensified as his fingers wound through her hair, locking her in place while he spilled his seed down her throat. The eagerness with which she swallowed, wide, sparkling eyes holding his with voracious focus... her unmistakable enjoyment was almost enough to make him hard again. Enthralled, he held her down a little too long, earning a slap to the thigh as she demanded release. He complied, collapsing onto the mattress with a little bounce as Lana caught her breath and climbed up his body.

"Mm, you had a lot to give tonight," she teased, drawing a shuddering moan from him. He reached up to caress her throat, mesmerized by the sweat rolling down her chest. She reached for his bandana, but he caught her wrist before she could remove it.

"Told you, I'm not done yet," he grumbled.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Unless you can't handle any more?"

"You know, I thought I'd be tired by now, but..."

She dragged his hand down, pulling it between his stomach and her dripping, sensitive core.

"... I guess all that endurance training is good for more than just fighting," she chuckled.

Zoro grinned gleefully and locked his wrist in place so she could take her pleasure on his fingers. He still gripped her throat, feeling the harsh drag of her panted breaths punctuated with blissful moans as she arched and rocked over him. The sheen of sweat coating her skin left him entranced as he watched her move. His lips parted when her mouth fell open, teeth bared as she closed her fingers around his wrists. He went along as she pulled his right hand down to her breasts, guiding his touch, demanding his attention as she ground into his palms.

Her hands slid up his arms, indulging in a ravenous journey that filled her with joy and fed her desire as she felt every tense inch of flexing muscle on her way up. His grip tightened on her body in response, breath quickening despite the fact that, for the first time all night, Lana was the one doing all the work. The pair bathed in greed, basking hedonically in each other's beauty under the silky soft cover of darkness. Hungry hands look their fill, ever unsated as every indulgent caress only fed the lust consuming them.

Zoro grunted as Lana's movements became more urgent, her frustration growing as she pressed against him desperately. He was shocked to feel himself stiffening a little so soon after such an incredible climax.

'Guess I didn't need to focus so hard on lasting after all,' he thought with some amusement.

Lana didn't notice his slowly recovering erection, too busy chasing another gratuitous climb. The steps evaded her this time, leaving her all but growling with irritation at the paradise eluding her. Zoro's fingers felt good, standing perfectly at attention for her while she rode them, but after the indulgence she'd been steeped in all night, it wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.

"Zoro! Fuck!"

Lana fell onto his chest, heaving and squirming while his fingers chased her, rocking her body with the force of their squelching thrusts.

'So slippery... I don't think I've ever felt her this wet before!'

Zoro moaned while her fevered lips grazed over his chest, gasped when her teeth found a nipple.

"I need more!" she groaned, nails drawing dark trails over his ribs as she writhed against his body. "Need... need to feel you filling me again... need..."

Her words devolved into gasped, strained cries of protest as his fingers left her so he could take hold of her hips.

"Keep talking!" he urged. "Almost... I'm almost there!"

He pulled her down so she could feel his meaning, gradually rising against her thigh. She hummed delightedly, sliding his length through her slick folds and enjoying the moans he gave to reward her generosity.

"Already?" she grinned, dipping to scrape his neck with her teeth, devouring the deep vibrations as his grip tightened on her waist. "So much energy... I guess you're not one to stay down long, huh?"

She took him in half-hard, sighing at the strange sensation of his lax member resting inside her.

"Now touch me," she requested. 'I'll have him up the rest of the way in no time...'

Zoro's hands roamed reverently, obediently, while she licked her lips and ground onto his pelvis. She felt him harden further and clenched around him on purpose, bent on coaxing him back to full strength.

"Fuck, almost," she panted, biting back her desperation. She forced patience on herself as Zoro's hips jerked up to meet hers and his moans deepened. "Just. a little more... c'mon, Zoro... I wanna feel you stretching me again!"

The shark intake of his breath, the crush of his fingers on her skin, the blossoming heat at the site of their connection spurred Lana on. She leaned down to purr quietly in his ear, nails seeking his scalp while she riled him up again mercilessly.

"Mm, I can't wait to have you deep, can't wait to take that perfect cock... I'll be even better for you this time, I promise."

She lifted experimentally, bit her lip as he slid in and out slowly, growing with every careful stroke.

"This time, you're going to bend me over," she informed him, playing on what she knew he liked best to excite him faster.

"Yeah?" he replied. His eyes were sharp, shaded heavily by the bandana. He looked like a beast lying in wait beneath her, anticipating the right moment to strike. Lana shivered with anticipation and excitement of her own.

"Mm-hm," she went on. "I'll be such a good girl for you... I'll do anything you want as long as you fuck me just like I want..."

"Tell me how you want it!" he demanded, the words a growl as his hips slammed up into her. The rough thrust tore a cry from her at the impact. He didn't give even an inch inside her, forcing her tender cunt open again to show her he was ready.

"Hard!" she managed to gasp, bracing on his shoulders as he continued relentlessly. "Faster, Zoro, want... I want you to fuck me 'til I can't even move anymore!"

"Careful what you wish for!" he smirked, sharp teeth gleaming savagely. He gripped her bruisingly, rutting into her with brutal, breathtaking force that left her seeing stars as she moaned her approval.

Lana submitted to him completely, falling onto his chest while his arms caged her and his pelvis pounded into hers from below. She could only shake and cry out, locked tight in Zoro's embrace while he gave her everything she wanted, soothing her desperation with his own fervor. The bed creaked and rocked, protesting under the vigor of their impassioned activities as the night waxed long.

Time turned a blind eye to the lovers, hours rendered meaningless as they measured it's passing instead in heartbeats and kisses. Lana took everything Zoro had to give like the boldest thief, the most brazen bandit. He gave it to her like a hostage, enslaved to the challenge he'd created for himself. He'd never backed down from a challenge in his life and he didn't intend to let even this petty, self-inflicted hurdle defeat him.

Gratitude overwhelmed Zoro when Lana broke before he did. He met her request dutifully, fucked her until she couldn't even scream anymore, until her limbs gave out competely and she collapsed to the mattress in a quivering, breathless heap. He followed her down, hips still stuttering wearily into hers as her soft sighs filled the air around them.

"Done?" he asked for what felt like the tenth time. At last, she nodded, eyes closed while she caught her breath.

"You?" she managed.

"Almost."

Zoro had been holding out against his impending orgasm for uncounted hours. Now, he let go with immense relief, burying himself in Lana's body as he shook and spasmed over her. She mustered the last of her strength, clutching him as he groaned between her breasts and pulsed between her legs.

They crashed together, but Zoro was still only interested in knowing one thing. After Lana assured him of her satisfaction, she had one final demand.

"What about you?" she asked, tossing his bandana blindly through the dark cabin. "Have you ever been so satisfied in your life?"

"Oh yeah," he replied lazily.

"What? You jerk, when?" she scowled.

"Mm..."

Zoro rose just enough to throw his body over hers, pinning her securely against the bed. His leg draped over her hip and his hand captured hers, clasping their fingers tight.

"I feel this satisfied every time you touch me," he purred, nipping her ear playfully as she adjusted to bear his weight.

"Hmph... alright, fine. That was a really good answer," she admitted.

They passed out together and lost a day napping to recover from their antics.

__________________________________________________

<== Previous Chapter

Next Chapter ==>

== First Chapter ==

[roseonne]

shifted roles

Shift tries to perform his portrait, one more time.

for everyone's favorite little brother, shift ! ( ao3 link )

"I've always wanted an older brother."

Shift pauses. He takes in a quick breath, the quiet air of the empty theater greeting his lungs. The vacant seats and balconies patiently wait for his next act in anticipation. A single spotlight hovers steadily above his head.

Training, rehearsals, and special private lessons exclusively intended for whoever holds the honorable title of 'top actor' had concluded hours ago. Staff members from almost every department begin taking their respective leaves, one after another. Last time he asked, even Reni and his two favorite seniors were already on their way homes, too.

Despite all that, however, Shift decides he still is miles away from calling it a day. (Talk about a hard worker; he claims to have inherited this trait from a certain someone.)

Hence, after clearing his throat one more time, GOD-za's top actor tries reciting his lines again.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I've always wanted an older brother.

I thought it was cool... Having someone big and strong that I'd want to look up to while growing up. Maybe someone who could protect me when bad people decide to pick on me, one day. Someone I can talk to and rely on about literally anything and everything in the whole wide world.

"Shift!"

Hearing a voice call out to me from outside the comforts of my small room, I poke my head through the door I just opened to catch the rest of the message. It's a little disappointing to have my favorite train of thoughts interrupted, but I do have responsibilities I must attend to. (They're quite big too, actually.)

"I'm about to go now. Take good care of your brother while I'm out, alright?"

Ah... It's a weekend today, so no classes for me. (Thank goodness!) But of course, mom has a job. She works really hard every day to provide for us, her family; to send meーher eldest childーto a decent school; and most importantly, to afford buying my baby brother's medicine.

The rusty old handles of the house gates shut and lock with a distinct clang. Mom is officially off to another day, another strive.

"...Okay, mom."

It's the exact same routine since... forever. But it's not like I have any right nor the luxury to complain, though.

With a sigh, I gather up all the energy I could muster to jump off of my bed and head out, as well. One, last glance filled with longing and a hint of regret is the parting gift I offer my room in the meantime.

"Until tonight," I bid my imaginary indestructible fortress of stacked pillows and tied blankets a semi-bitter farewell.

When I said I have quite the big shoes to fill, this is what I meant.

Arakawa Shift is not a typical school kid.

I don't only have to worry about homework and assessment tests. I can't stay out too late after class playing with my friends (well, I don't have plenty of them in the first place, anyway). What I do have though are personal duties at home that I cannot and must not set aside even for a millisecond.

Every desperate thought and possible attempt of prioritizing acts of self-centeredness in any form ought to be ignored, forgotten, and never be given into. I learned this by watching mom.

When she gets home every night, it looks to me as though she barely has any time left to spare for herself. Immediately fixing her attention onto my little brother, I volunteer to do the rest of the chores to help. Cooking simple meals for supper, washing used dishes, cleaning the houseーname it! I love my mom a whole lot, so if I could help her, I'd willingly do so in a heartbeat.

While on my way to my brother's room, my eyes get caught by the big window in the kitchen.

"Hm. That's odd."

Something tells me I should just look away and move on; but that just made me want to know what exactly is going on out there more badly. And sure enough, within mere moments did my curiosity indeed outweigh my instincts, prompting me to grab the nearest chair to climb onto and take a quick peek at the world spinning beyond my life as a dedicated homebody.

From the parted curtains of the kitchen window, kids around my age and range are running in circles, throwing all sorts of toys at each other and playing every kind of game I could think of (some of which, I have never seen nor heard).

A conflicted smile suddenly appears on my face, surprising even myself; but it didn't do so much as only make me resemble a sad young, dumb, and broke loner.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad though! And I'm certainly not a loner. Heh, why would I be? I mean, I have a cute, little baby brother who I love so much. I could just play with him, and we'd have a lot of fun together! Just the two of us, today. Tomorrow. And always.

Shaking my head at the mess outside, I finally ease myself down from the kitchen counter and move on; all the while defying the tiny sting in my chest by pretending as though I feel absolutely nothing about kids making the most out of their childhood years.

"It's alright, we all have our own timelines. I'll have mine some day..." I try my best to console myself. 

Speaking of timelines though, just a little more about my brother, the doctor said he's a little sickly at his current age but his body and condition will improve gradually as he grows. So until he can stand tall on his own two feet, I should act strong on his behalf. I have to. For aside from mom, I'm the only person my baby brother has.

I may not have a biologically-related big brother, but at least I can be that personーa reliable, older siblingーfor somebody else. And if I ever had a chance to go back and choose a life for myself? Nah. I really couldn't ask for a better familial circumstance to be in. Honestly.

"So... I'll do my best!"

That's the promise I made that day. How could I forget? It's the promise I'm more than ever ready to uphold and fulfill for as long as I live. It's... the sole, and same promise I failed to keep.

Starting the day off in a good mood is completely shattered, once inside the quarters of my baby brother. He seems fine, sleeping soundly at first glance; but the horrors of the worst scenario occurring right before my very eyes immediately dominated my entire sense of reason.

While holding my pinky finger close to his nostrils, time freezes.

He's not breathing.

In a state of panic, I frantically lean my ear onto his chest for a signーany signーof hope. Still.

I can't feel a pulse.

And all of a sudden, an ear-splitting scream. I'm not sure where it's coming from, considering I'm the only conscious person in the house.

Oh, wait.

I am screaming.

In that instant, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't feel. Everything else is spinning in a blur, and the only thing I can recall afterwards is sitting alone by the nearest hospital bench; knees weak, fingers trembling, breaths heavily shaky and unsteady.

"This can't be happening. No. I won't forgive myself if anything bad happens to Oruto...!"

Mom had to excuse herself early from work (she had no choice but), immediately rushing home once the neighbors heard my inhumane cries and decided to phone her.

She walks out of the ward that my brother's confined in, together with his doctor, and upon seeing me, they both take a seat on either side of me.

"Don't worry. He's okay. He's okay," the doctor tells me, giving my head gentle pats every couple of seconds.

"It's not your fault, Shift," mom whispers straight into my ear, as she wraps me tightly in her embrace; each of her words carrying a different weight of assurance I badly need to believe... But somehow can't. "I'm just glad you both are safe..."

The tears can't and won't seem to be stopping any time soon.

It's a memoryーa living nightmareーthat'll haunt me in my dreams for the rest of my life; no matter how many days, weeks, months, or even years pass. The image of my brother's face, pale and limp, will forever be engraved at the back of my mind.

I don't think I'll ever fully recover from that. Even if my brother himself is all healed and grown.

But... I have to make it. We have to make it through together, one way or another.

"I'll always protect you, Oruto."

My little brother smiles. When he does that, all the scarring wounds in my heart feel a little lighter; a little better, even.

"Hehe... Nii-san, you can choose you now."

Five words. And after all those years of loving anybody first over me, it takes just five, simple words coming from his mouth to make me begin asking questions I never would have dared construct into actual sentences in the first place.

"Does my brother not need me anymore? Was there even any point in my own selflessness? What is my purpose now that I've been instructed to choose myself by the very person I sworn lifelong protection to?"

I'm lost. Confused. Unsure about where to go, from here. Unsure about a lot of other things. And unsure about the only new door that opened for me.

Direct Invitation for the position of: TOP ACTOR Regards, GOD-za

I had no actual background in theater nor acting; save for the limited knowledge I've gathered from reading plays and reciting lines in scripts I luckily manage to get my hands on at the local library. I'd borrow them, and immerse myself in the tiny universes created by a variety of multiple authors as a way to escape the cruelty life occasionally throws my way.

And although skeptic, initially crestfallen at having been casted aside when no longer needed, it's only upon my brother's very suggestion that I accepted the offer; as the most fabulous theater company in Veludo Way officially scouts me as their reigning top actor.

I couldn't believe it, at first. Receiving a paycheck, people's acknowledgements, and one-on-one special training to prepare me for an upcoming act off. My first show! Ever! With me as the lead! Yay!

The brief phase of adjustment is neither easy nor troublesome, if I say so myself. It's okay for the most part; save for things getting quite tough on some days. One thing's for sure thoughーthis whole, life-changing experience has seemingly helped me grow a new pair of wings to fly with.

I've also met a lot of cool people I now look up to, at GOD-za. Haruto-san, the top actor right after me. Madoka, our new playwright.

"Don't hold me back, newbie," Haruto-san often says.

"If... If there's anything you want to change in the script, you can tell me," Madoka often reminds.

Haruto-san's a little loud, but he's amazing in way more ways than one. Madoka too; extreme talent hiding underneath that soft spoken nature. I can't lose!

Such a tough challenge we had to take on; especially with all the controversies revolving it. And an equally harder acceptance of defeat, fair and square; but there is room for all three of us to grow, individually and collectively. So we did.

But for the first time in my life, I felt okay being myself. I may not have been able to be a child during my earlier years alive and kicking on this planet, but it's never too late to unleash the youthful charm of being unapologetically 'Shift Arakawa'.

"Hehe, I have my two favorite seniors to be grateful for too, of course!"

Hence, it's in GOD-za that my long-standing wish has finally been granted. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I'm... just not sure if they know this, but Haruto-san and Madoka are the closest to my heart than I ever was myself."

Shift relives every memory he has of the three of them togetherーcreating plays, performing etudes, and hanging out after a long day's worth of hard work in Haruto's apartment. He wouldn't have gotten thus far, if not for the both of them.

"I'm aware that I could be a mouthful sometimes... But, they never asked me to change," he stammers, voice wavering from the amount of emotions he's facing and pouring forth into the world. "They never made me feel that I was weird; and that I did not belong here."

The top actor breathes deeply. Feeling content and satisfaction not only for a successful attempt of doing his portrait, but at the particular shifting of his own roles throughout his fifteen years existing, thriving, and living.

"I've always wanted an older brother," Shift beams, the sparkle in his eyes barely visible now that his wide, signature smile has taken full effect all over his face, "but GOD-za gave me two." 

[aeon-harshal]

Winged Bluejay

Chapter 1 & summary

First draft of Chapter 2 of Winged Bluejay below Approximately 2184 words

<>-Chapter 2 Heartwarming Supper-<>

The trek back to their village was unusually quiet. The wildlife had resumed their singing and chirping as the large, winged predators had long since moved past, however Asha had no inclination to talk and neither did Alexos. She loved that gryphon and he assumed she felt like this was the last time she would ever see him. She was preparing to leave her childhood home behind… if they left Raven’s Bluff, he doubted that she would ever want to return.

Hell, he did not want to return if he left.

"Hey, Asha," Alexos glanced her way.

"Yes?" She responded monotonously, looking at him with tired eyes and a slight frown, barely able to muster the energy to answer him.

The words he had hoped to push out died in his throat. She was utterly miserable, on her last shred of hope. Alexos was briefly grateful that she did not seem to find his pause strange, “Why don't you come have dinner with my family? Mum says you're always welcome,” he grinned from ear to ear, desperately hoping he could lift her dreary spirit.

She blinked, slowly thinking it over. She gave a small smile, still exhausted. “Why not? I haven't had a decent meal in weeks,” she said, holding her head higher, her steps growing lighter.

He smiled. Genuinely. He did not expect the renewed enthusiasm to last, but he could not bare to see her so forlorn. They at last filled the quiet with idle chatter of his mum cooking. Asha did not cook. She kept up with her brothers and father rather than sticking to house making with her mother.

Asha’s dour mood lifted properly once they arrived on the outskirts of Alexos’s family farm, the late afternoon sun beginning to crest over the distant mountains.

They marched up the dirt pathway and up the steps of the porch. They could hear the sound of Alexos’s younger siblings, laughing wildly and screaming with joy halfway though the road. He sighed, playfully rolling his eyes as he pushed the door open, a tired smile spread across his face. Asha smiled as well. His family was wonderful, but the younglings were exhausting sometimes. She was very glad to be the youngest in her family.

“I'm home,” Alexos declared, joyous as ever. Immediately the two youngest screamed his name and ran up to their big brother, tackling him with hugs. Alexos wheezed as they knocked the wind out of him and threw him off balance for a moment.

“Where were you!” The youngest, Rosemary, shouted at her big brother as she stepped away, putting her hands on her hips, giving Alexos a reproachful look- a childish, but cute pantomime of their mother.

“Mum told us where he went,” Kale yelled at his twin as he let go of Alexos. He and Asha both smiled and carefully pushed their way through the door, Asha closing it behind her while Alexos attempted to usher the youngsters towards the kitchen. Heris’s warm voice came from there as did the mouthwatering aroma of Sofia’s splendid vegetable stew. “Mum said he was out with Asha askin’ her to marry him!”

Asha’s stomach flipped, the world suddenly spinning. Meanwhile Alexos’s face turned red as a blooming poppy, quickly sputtering out, “Mum! Wh-what have yew been tellin’ them!” He quickly walked around his young siblings, practically flying into the kitchen.

“Ohh! Another sister! Another weddin’!” Rosemary said dreamily, putting her hands together in delight. Asha’s face warmed this time. Warm laughter and anxious demands for explanation came from the kitchen. “Did you say yes? Can I call you sissy? When are you gonna have babies?” Rosemary carried on as if it was all set in stone!

“Girls,” Kale muttered, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

“H-hey!” Asha snapped at him, making the twins jump slightly. “Not all girls are obsessed with marriage and the like… and you,” she looked at Rosemary while Kale flushed in shameful embarrassment. “There's more important things in life than marriage.”

Rosemary huffed and turned around, strolling to the kitchen with her chin up.

“It's rude to walk away from somebody who's talking to you!” Asha sighed. Stubborn child… she looked at Kale, who wore a grumpy pout. “Come on, let's go eat,” she smiled at him, putting her hand on his shoulder until he looked up at her curiously and then smiled. When they caught up to the rest of the family in the kitchen it was every bit an embarrassing mess as ever.

Alexos’s blush had not subsided at all.

“Well, we couldn't help ourselves. I was looking forward to having two new daughters,” Sofia laughed merrily, stirring the caldron of stew, more than enough for the entire family and Asha’s ‘unexpected’ inclusion.

“Aye! What happened with that? Did yew fumble it?” Heris, Alexos’s father chuckled heartily, slapping the table good-naturedly.

“Dad!” Alexos groaned, rubbing his aching forehead, hiding his face behind his hand. His parents merely gave another good laugh.

Sofia looked over her shoulder, her creamy hair getting in the way, “You kids know we're only teasing. Certainly a girl like Asha deserves a prince,” she beamed as Asha’s face turned red.

She scoffed, taking a seat next to Heris. Rosemary immediately sat down beside her. “That's sounds awfully mean to Alexos- but you're not wrong,” Asha smiled awkwardly at her friend, hoping to ease the strange tension and move away from this discussion.

“Yeah,” Alexos cleared his throat, turning towards his mother with a smile equally as anxious as his friend's, “Mum yew should be building me up since I'm not inheriting the farm.”

Heris smothered a noise, perhaps another, wilder laugh, though his expression was nothing short of amused. Sofia snorted, turning a smug grin towards him, “Boy, you have great enough ambition and the will to make it happen- a Gryphon rider is easy to marry, it's simply a matter of finding a young lady who will respect you as much as I expect you to respect her. Miss Asha here has plenty of ambition too, which is why she deserves a prince.”

Asha blushed with pride this time. “Thank you, ma’am,” she murmured. She certainly did not feel like she deserved anyone so great. Someone who treated her kindly yes, but not a prince. She would not make a great noblewomen.

“Mum, where's Leeann?” Alexos asked, at last deciding to take a seat beside Kale.

“Leeann!” Sofia yelled, causing everyone at the table to flinch. A girl’s muffled reply answered her.

“Ahh, that's one way of summoning her. Ha! Well, Asha, since you're joining us for dinner, how are this year’s foals doing?” Heris asked, wearing a big grin.

She smiled, “Very well. I've had a lot of fillies, and only one foal was caught by a wolf so far. I let a hunter onto the property and he says he took care of it. Showed me the pelt and everything. Oh! And I have the prettiest set of colts- one's all black with a white star on his head and the others a gorgeous palomino.”

“A palomino? Flasom’s progeny?” Heris asked.

“yes, sir. He's fathered three palomino foals. Cream is the colt’s mother and he seemed to be well tempered. He's a curious little guy too,” Asha gleefully told him about the best foals, both out of genuine love and excitement for the horses she was breeding and raising, but also to sell him on the idea of taking the herd. Her father was the most renown horse breeder in the eastern region of Cor’vale, and so she had inherited the best herd as well as all his skills for taking care of the graceful creatures. It should not be that hard to convince him to take the horses. She had a good stock of mares, some beautiful stallions, plenty of fresh foals and had all the lineages properly documented.

“Talkin’ about horses again?” Miss Leeann asked, marching into the kitchen with her hands on her hips, a slight scowl on her lips.

Asha went quiet, managing an even smile to mask her frustration.

“Aye, girl “ Heris nodded, “Asha’s got quite a prized herd, no doubt worth a small fortune,” he smiled at the raven-haired girl beside him. "Speaking of Child. When you take the horses to market, I would like for Rory to go with you. He'll be needing the extra coins. More than Alexos."

Rory- he was newly engaged. He was good with the horses and… He was supposed to inherit, but would a conversation hurt anything? Kale could inherit the farm. It would give the youngest boy more stability than what he currently had. If things turned out that way at least.

"Not a problem, sir, "Asha nodded.

"Isn't Rory supposed to help around the farm?” Leeann asked, sitting down beside Alexos.

“The horses don't go to market until the summer,” Asha replied with an even tone, “The planting should be done by then.”

“She's right,” Heris nodded, “and never you mind what the boys are supposed to be doing. Your father here will keep on them.”

“Yes, daddy,” Leeann sighed, “Can we talk about something other than horses though?”

“Of course, my darling,” Haris nodded, “I think I'd like to hear where you two went galavanting this afternoon,” he said, glancing between Asha and Alexos.

The lattered, putting his elbows on the table to bury his face into his hands. Asha laughed. “We walked through the woods up by the mountains.”

“Did you? You didn't see any elves did you?” Haris asked. What would normally be a playful question was deadly serious. Asha tilted her head, a curious look on her face. Alexos lifted his head, also curious. Haris cleared his throat, “Rory and a few others in the village spotted a Sentinel passing through the area.”

“An Elven Sentinel!” Kale asked, eyes bright and a broad smile plastered on his face.

“Kale,” Haris said sharply, but that did nothing to calm his youngest’s excitement. “It could be one or perhaps two. There's no way of knowin’ with the Elves.”

“We didn't encounter any Elves, dad,” Alexos took on his father's serious tone. “Are we sure it's a Sentinel?”

“Aye. Rory swears to the Great Gryphon that it was a tall as a house and the blade on it's back was almost as long,” The older man hummed, sitting back in his chair. Sofia began handing out bowls of a thick stew. “It was only seen on the treeline, thank the gods, but I would rather you two stay away from the wilderness.”

“They aren't gonna find a lot of farmers a threat, mister Graystone,” Asha was not keen to dismiss the seriousness of the situation- one really did not know what the Elves would think or do, certainly not when it was a warrior stalking the woods. Still she doubted they would hurt anyone. Long as the foolish boys in the village did not go out there looking for the Sentinel.

“That may be so, but I would not forgive myself if anything happened to any one of you kids,” Haris looked at both his children and Asha. A slight smile tugged at her lips. “In fact…. Child, don't be mad, but I would like Alexos to walk you home.”

Alexos sighed quietly, rubbing his aching temples while Asha merely smiled. “Yes, sir,” an argument was not going to help her accomplish anything.

The conversation managed to move on from the Elven Sentinel after Kale asked a dozen or so more questions. Talk of Rory’s wedding came up, Sofia hoping for something in between summer and the harvest season. Leeann and Rosemary kept that topic going far longer than Asha, Kale and Alexos cared for. Then Haris took charge and made mentions that their harvest this year was looking to be more than last year and the price on the corn, wheat and green beans they were growing was supposed to be up as well. 

It was all lighthearted and fun, warm and bubbly.

After they had finished the stew and Kale and Rosemary had been sent to bed, the jovial atmosphere carried on strong. And in the middle of it all, while Asha listened to Heris and Alexos talking about the harvest, a cold stab of grief went through her heart.

She missed her brothers, but they all moved out, off on their own adventures. Then a few years ago her mother passed and just last winter so did her father.

Asha looked away from all the revelry, staring out the window. It was so dark out there. The moon was hidden behind the clouds that rolled in with the night.

She was not looking forward to the cold and snow. These visits would be less frequent as the horses needed to stay inside most nights to avoid the brutal ice and the wolves would be on the prowl once more… she did not give herself much time to settle her affairs, to deal with the horses, but if she did not make her move would she ever be able to?

[quieteating]

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Gurkhas

In popular mythology, the Gurkha is known as tough as nails, sharp as a knife and full of hidden energy like a coiled cobra.  Folklore has it that Gurkhas coming from Nepal, are used to hardship.  That is what makes them what they are.  Although one of the poorest regions of the world, the people there are unusually happy.

This was a great contrast as upon entering, it was a fairly upmarket looking restaurant.  Indeed, their dress code said smart casual.  I turned up in jeans and a shirt on this sweltering day.  Most turned up in T-shirt and shorts.  I felt cheated (and rather damp).

Putting such unpleasantries aside, I looked forward to the food as the way it was described made it sound rather good.  Skipping ahead to the end, I have to say that at least it was accurate.  As to whether I would willing pay for it again is another question.

Spicy lamb kachila, karela, marinated lamb tartare, Nepali herbs & spices, crispy bitter gourd.  This was interesting like a beef tartare with some almost token throw-away flavourings.  Pretty in an abstract kind of way.  Lacking in most flavour profiles.

Kukhura ko jhol momo, chicken dumplings, lapsi & tomato sauce.  This was a strangely tasteless tomato.  The momo skin was good and the minced chicken decent.  Unfortunately the sauce let it down as it was in one word, boring.

Monkfish choila, kaakro ko achar, chiura, grilled spiced monkfish, cucumber salad, beaten rice.  It was weird.  Sweet, salty and rather bland.  The fish was rubbery.  It was pretty to look at though.

Lamb rump, spiced lentils, garden peas, smoked dhau, mint.  A varied mix of vegetable salads with sour cream.  Although the lamb was decently cooked medium rare and juicy if strangely tasteless, the vegetables mis mash although delighting in texture was about all the positive energy I could muster.  The dhau, beans and peas were perhaps better not described at length and the dish as a whole came across rather confused as it couldn’t really seem to decide whether to be meaty, beanie or cheesy.

Dark chocolate cremeux, guava curd and sorbet, cumin.  Chocolate with guava (but what I feel is more accurately described as cucumber) on top.  Cucumbers do NOT go with chocolate.  Although there are unusual combinations that taste good, like bacon and egg ice cream, cucumber and chocolate is not it.

Khuwa creme caramel, sorrel, whey caramel.  Cream with sorrel ice on top.  I haven’t really had the pleasure of eating dejected caramel.  Now I have.  It was rather flat, flaccid and unappealing.  Lacking in much taste.  The weird sorrel ice with more caramel was rather lacking in oomph too.

Perhaps I should thank this restaurant for at least providing an interesting meal.  It has been a while since I’ve had food so weird and boring.  Striving like a Gurkha it is not, which is probably a good thing as I prefer to eat my meals with minimum hardship.

  A quiet eating 5/10.

Lunch (3 courses) was GBP60 excluding drinks and service.

  Gurkhas

110 Great Portland Street London W1W 6PQ

[dionysianfreak]

Hi there 👋 Asking for some advice!

I've been researching and (I guess you could say) dabbling in hellenic polytheism for the past...idk, 3 years? I've gotten into the philosophy behind it. I have a decent understanding of decorum, traditions, etc. I've had a few interactions with select deities.

...but, I never have the time to start a regular, meaningful practice. I really love the religion. I love research. But I never have time. And every time I feel like doing something - saying a prayer, for example - I don't feel adequately prepared. I do much less than I would like to, but can't really change my circumstances.

If you had 10mins a day to devote to helpol, how would you spend it? Why?

hellooo sunshine, I can sympathize with your situation to an extent. my life tends to go in phases of extremely busy to all the time in the world on my hands. between that and crippling neurodivergency, my practice is anything but regular. it's pretty much "when I can sit down long enough or muster the energy for it i do all I can in that small amount of time". sorry if this is a more complicated answer than you expected, but I want to give you a lot of ideas, because honoring the Gods can be very mundane.

the first day, I would create a Pinterest acc/boards for the Gods I wish to worship. this way, whenever I have a few moments of boredom or want to devoted some time to it, I could save art and images that I relate to Them and keep them as a devotion. I'd spend a few moments searching their names with "art", "Deity", or "aesthetic" with it to get a few pins for each to start off. then, you can use the more ideas button in the board to see directly related images to what you've already saved. your feed will naturally follow what you like across your whole account. if youd like a visual, or would like an example, this is my devoted Pinterest board.

the second day, (if you don't already have a music collection/app) I'd get a music streaming service such as Spotify, apple music, or YouTube music and collect a lot of music I like onto it. I would create playlists for the Gods I want to worship and I'd probably go through and save a few songs I think Theyd like/remind me of them. as time goes on, keep adding songs so that you can casually honor them while doing mundane things like cleaning, driving, or in between tasks. I'd you'd like a visual or example, this is my devotional playlist to Hermès

on day three, I'd clear a small space and speak words of dedication to begin a shrine. there doesn't need to be anything but dedication, which is something as simple as "i dedicate this space to Deity" or "Deity/Deities, this space is for you. it can be a whole table or a small spot on the counter. there can be small items or nothing at all. this way, i can give offerings whenever i have a chance. a very quick offering I like to give is sharing my meals. I'll cook my daily food and give a small portion to the Gods. if I'm eating a snack like crackers I'll leave a few for Them. this is all you need to start, or at all. from here the possibilities are endless for your space. I'm sure you've seen photos of people's large and lavish shrines, those too once started as a blank, empty spot on the counter.

on day 4, I'd spend a little time finding poetry or prayers that I like. I definitely find a lot on Pinterest but there's a lot more on Tumblr, you can also use Theoi.com for English versions of the ancient hymns. the reason i separate poetry and prayer is because I know many people are uncomfortable with it due to past experiences. I found prayer uncomfortable and alienating as a kid and that still follows me. instead I like to see them at poems for the Gods. words of dedication spoken under my breath or said in my mind. or, if you like to write, you could write a small poem in 10 minutes. prayer and poetry are very good ways of connecting with the Gods, if it's your thing.

in the days beyond this, i would spend time building my dedications. maybe picking up votives (physical, non-perishable offerings for your shrine) if they catch my eye in my daily life. I'd also maybe get a tarot app, or find a coin to use for simple divination. this takes getting used to, but having an on-the-go coin for yes/no divination has saved my butt a few times.

I hope this helps lovely. I tried to split it with color to make it easier to read. no matter how small an act may seem, it is your sacrifice of time and energy that the Gods will reward. after all, that is the one thing we can give Them that we will never be able to take back. happy travels and may the Theoi bless your days

[mythandral]

The Weight of it All

The events of Shadowbringers catch up to Myth and he has a bad few weeks. Minor ShB spoilers.

It had all been too much. 

It was over now - the First was saved and his companions had been returned, but Myth found there was little respite to be had. There was always more work to be done, more people to aid, places to be. At the end of the day he was granted no space, and the tales they demanded he told were treated as the heroic events of days gone by, not the recent struggles that still pervaded his thoughts. It was all too much.

So he left, slipping out of the Rising Stones in the dead of night. He did not know where to go, so he walked and walked until he found himself at water's edge. Silvertear Lake shone brightly in the moonlight, and he watched mesmerised as ripples played along the surface, a mild salve for his troubled mind.

The cool water seemed inviting. Perhaps washing would anchor him somewhat? He removed his shirt, roughly folding it up before dropping it beside his feet, and methodically began to clean himself. It was helping, until he made the mistake of looking down at his chest, still unused to the light scars cutting up his skin.

They did not hurt any more, but he still remembered the pain. The feeling of being burnt away from the inside-out by a burden that only he could bear. The knowledge that if he succumbed, his failure would doom so much more than himself. It had hurt so much, and it was not fair to place that all on one man.

Still, he had made it. Still he had smiled, forced though it was. He was still the hero.

And that meant he would have no choice but to do it all over again if it were demanded of him. The tears that now pricked the corner of his eyes were those of tired anger, and he was too exhausted to do anything other than let them flow.

He could not bear the thought of returning just for this all to continue in the morrow. So, once he had composed himself and finished bathing, he kept walking.

-----

He had lost track of the days. About a fortnight, he would hazard at a guess, legs having taken him from Mor Dhona to South to North Shroud with little input from his mind. He had been in a daze for the most part, other than evading the odd hunter or Wailer - not so hard to do, given he'd mainly been moving in the night, even the dappled sunshine during the day being too much for his senses. He'd been gathering food as he went, but the gnawing hunger in his stomach reminded him he'd not had a proper meal in some time. He located a small clearing and a dead log on which to sit, late hour granting him confidence that he would not be disturbed. Perhaps he could muster the energy to hunt and cook something decent, but for now he needed to rest.

Myth's ears pricked up. Someone was here. Someone who was trying very hard to seem like he wasn't, and that could only be one person. Myth said nothing, but stared pointedly in the direction of their presence. As he expected, Thancred stepped out from behind a nearby tree, worried expression only deepening when he saw the despondent state Myth was in.

He shot Myth an apologetic look. He had not, it seemed, hunted him down of his own accord.

"Tell Krile to bugger off," Myth spat out, regarding him warily.

"I will try, but you must promise me that you are intending to return."

If he had been taken aback by Myth's vitriol he did not show it, his tone measured and calm. It was as though he were attempting to placate a frightened animal, Myth shamefully realised.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and nodded slowly and as sincerely as he could muster. He would, given time. Despite his misgivings, the Scions were a family to him now. And, in his absence, someone else would have to shoulder the burden, and he did not wish to inflict that on any of them.

Thancred looked as though he wished to say something, but instead just nodded back in return. Sensing Myth's desire to be left alone he turned and left, as silently as he came.

-----

Another week later, or thereabouts. Green had turned to white and Myth found his subconscious had led him to the gates of Ishgard. The hour was late, and with the knowledge that the streets would be mostly quiet he set off across the Steps of Faith, destination clear in mind.

He arrived at the De Borel manor uneventfully. Perhaps he had been seen by a drunken temple knight or two, but no-one had seemed to pay him any mind. Now at the doors, he hesitated. Even for the Lord Commander it was quite late and if he knocked, would it even be answered? Still, he had to try. He had nowhere else to go.

One firm knock then a moment of silence, before he heard movement coming from the ground floor - he had still been awake, then. Myth hoped that it wasn't due to his absence. Another minute, and the door creaked open to reveal Aymeric standing there in a plain nightshirt and slacks. The surprise on his face at seeing his missing partner soon gave way to a mixture of worry and relief, and he smiled gladly. Myth stood there awkwardly, suddenly highly conscious of how much of a wreck he appeared, and unable to force his thoughts into coherent words.

Instead of saying anything, Aymeric grabbed his arm and led him across the threshold. Once the door had closed behind him, Myth found himself pulled into a tight embrace. "You had me so worried," Aymeric whispered into his ear. It could have been an admonishment, but there was nothing in his tone but gentle affection. Myth was quiet in response, instead burying his face in the crook of the shorter Elezen's neck and holding onto him desperately as though he might slip away. One of Aymeric's hands rose to stroke his hair, and that was enough to break down the last of his barriers. He felt his lip quiver, and Aymeric rocked him gently as he sobbed into his shoulder.

He had always hated crying in front of people, but here he was able to let go. He didn't have to be a hero, here. He could just be a man who had been through far too much to bear alone and he would be loved all the same. Tears abating, he found a slight but genuine smile upon his lips, and it was the first he had managed in such a long time.

[of-another-broken-heart]

I can’t focus. I don’t have my usual escapism. No one is available to humor me in cyclical sad chats about how much I just wish I could be talking to him instead, or - better yet - be with him and do better for it. 

It was just a month. One single month. I was doing better. I wanted to do better. I felt better. I had motivation. I could see the future again, for the first time in years. I wanted it. I was happy. 

It was just one month. 

I still have all the visions of a future. They’re not so much a future as delusion, now. Not even fantasy, because that would require some small element of possibility, right? Maybe not. Maybe they are interchangeable in this case. Delusion. Fantasy. Same thing. 

I wanted to be domestic. I still want that. It’s a reasonable starting point. Maybe I could do more again, eventually. But I’m so broken, withered, atrophied, faded... and the stereotype is there, I know it, it’s sharp and I hate it, but I’d gladly lean into it and bleed a bit of shame if it could be real. The comfort of the rest of it would be worth it. The happiness of that environment would be worth it. 

I could do meal planning. Breakfasts and dinners. Eggs certain mornings, pancakes once or twice - maybe waffles. Fruit and grain twice a week, maybe three times? Wouldn’t that be divine... We could have soup nights, steak nights, bake nights, veggie-and-rice nights. I could make curry every couple weeks, probably. We could try different ones, if you felt adventurous. I could make sure there were always a variety of depression foods around, too - canned things, some frozen things, granola and oatmeal and protein drinks. I’m not an idiot. We’d still need those, sometimes. There is no cure for these damages, and we’ve both got them. 

I thought of a kitchen where I could do all that. I’m a sucker for the popular bright red in a lot of cooking spaces... but really, I’d want ivory and green and purple. Pretty. Enticing, Soothing. Easy. Grapes and lilacs. Purple is your favorite color, and one of mine. I love green, too. I have a dish set already. Still. I’ve thought about selling it, for years. I got it from the church thrift store, and it’s worth far more than I paid for it. I held on, though. “Maybe-- maybe...” Maybe I will have a place to use them, after all. Maybe. I wish. 

I would wash dishes. I would find a dish rack that would work. You said you don’t have one. There are so many options. I’m sure I could figure it out. I know I could. Even if I just used the dishwasher’s racks. I could do that. I’ve done it before. 

I could make a schedule. I could stick to it. I’d have that option. There wouldn’t be too many factors constantly disrupting, interrupting, or derailing my efforts. I would have the space. I would have the time. I would have the quiet and control. I could shower - bathe, even. A bathtub... god, a bathtub... I could build a ritual around that, and laundry, and a weekly re-watch of a show or movie. While you’re at work. Or together, with you. How quaint. How simple. How incredible. 

I could sweep, and vacuum. Put it on the schedule. It’d be after taking the dogs out - just in case they track in extra dirt. It’s practical. Maybe 3 PM would be a nice dog-walking time. Year-round, that seems decent. A typically bright and warm part of the day, but without the sun directly overhead? Still hours of daylight so the pups could muster their energy for an evening walk, too. All of us, together. Before getting started on dinner, maybe? Or after eating. It wouldn’t have to be so concrete.

I can’t do any of that, here. I don’t have the space. There are too many obstacles. There aren’t any tools or resources to help. I clawed out a barely functional environment, and it lets me survive, and that’s it. 

I’m so tired. I’m sad. I’m mourning happiness that I was never supposed to have. I’m in anguish over a love that feels like it’s killing me. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. Bursting apart and the person whose spark lit me up is. Gone. While I burn up and bleed out, and none of it is worth catching. None of it is worth trying to hold together. Nothing is even worth scavenging. It all just falls away. Useless. Unwanted. 

A kitchen, in ivory and purple and green. Regular, cooked meals. Variety and stability. How nice. How nice.

[joshslater]

A Week in Indiana

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I was exhausted. It’s weird, because on long haul travel you have done nothing but relaxing. First on the initial connection, then at the airport, then at the trans Atlantic from Amsterdam to Chicago. I even napped a bit on it. Since that flight follows the earths rotation, you basically land at the same time as you start. Queues, immigration, wait for luggage, customs, relax some more at O’Hare. Finally followed by a decidedly less comfortable regional flight to Indiana, wait for luggage again, and out. And there he was, looking even better in person than he had on Skype the day before, waiting to pick me up. He was younger than me, but acted confident, cocky even. I like that.

- Hi there. How was the trip? - Long. I’m exhausted, like I said I would be. - It’s not far.

Americans have no idea what that word means. It wasn’t until an hour later we finally parked in his driveway. We had so much to talk about, but I made it perfectly clear that my mind wasn’t were it needed to be right now for anything serious. I quickly went online with my phone to cancel the backup hotel night I had, keeping some nights for the end of the week if things didn’t work out. Then I zoned out for most of the trip to his house.

- Let’s put your stuff in your room, head out for a bite and then you can go to sleep. - Head out? - I ain’t cooking.

The house was spacious living for a single dude, and probably the tidiest it been in a long while. Not that I paid much attention, as tired as I was. I would had preferred to just crash there and then, but I know from experience not to go to bed too early, or you’ll just wake up at midnight.

- Hey, can I get you something to drink? Coke, beer, water, absinthe? - A coke would be great. It’s dry in air planes.

A big, cold can of coke felt exactly like what I needed, despite the corn syrup. Rehydrated I carried my bags to the guest room, which doubled as a home gym. It’s silly, I know, but despite being so tired I found it kind of hot to be sleeping in a room where someone else had been working out. Well, I guess that’s the kind of shit we have in common, and the entire reason why I was here.

People really undersell the sheer amount of confusion when you wake up after having been drugged. Especially when you have been moved and things have been done to you. You didn’t plan for it, like going to sleep, and you have nothing to fall back to when you wake up to orient you. Everything around you is out of context. In addition to that, you still have residual effects and possible traces of the drugs in your system.

It’s impossible to estimate how much time it took to get a grip of the situation, but gradually I was aware that I was naked, tied to a bed, gagged and unable to see, possibly because of a pitch black room.

- Did you sleep well?

How long had it been? No way to tell. I feel like shit. I can feel him touching my naked chest. But that means he can see me, right? Why can I not see?

- I thought I would surprise you with a little transformation for yourself. This is the garage by the way. It’s not quite soundproof, but I don’t really need that, do I.

I don’t know what kind of gag he is using, but I can’t move my mouth in any direction. It feel like he had put some clay-like plastics into my mouth, had me bite into it, and then have it harden. I want to scream. I don’t want any piercings or tattoos or whatever. I shout that whatever his plans are, I want out. The best I could muster was an agitated hum.

I feel something cold against first my left nipple, and then both. Some sort of gel. Then some object is put there. Are these suction cups? Then a motor sound starts and I feel a rhythmic suction on my nipples. Guess they are.

- You should just relax. I don’t know anything about hypno, and you said it doesn’t work on you, but just so you have something to listen to I’ve downloaded a few things.

He puts earphones on me with the typical nonsense with multiple voices all talking over each other that all hypno mp3 files are so fond of. Then I feel him doing something with my gag, and a small trickle of fluid at the back of my throat, and then everything gets fuzzy.

- And here is something to keep you stupid. Enjoy the ride.

I’m too tired and drugged to analyze what is happening. I’m swimming in black velvet soup of words. I should relax, I’m told, be calm and follow instructions. I’m barely even aware I have a body, but occasionally the senses intrude into the bliss and I can feel the suction cups removed, more cool gel applied, and then the cups put back. Everything just gets softer and softer until everything ceases to be.

There’s no audio anymore.

- Hello, sleepy beauty. Are you ready for something solid to eat? - Yeah...

Wait? When did he remove the gag. Why can’t I see?

- Just be still, and I’ll remove the IV.

I could feel the short sting of an IV needle being pulled out, and felt him bandage the arm. What did he put into me? Where did he get an IV from in the first place?

- Now, just be still while I undo the restraints.

Any kind of resistance would be pointless. I was naked, in an unfamiliar room, and completely blind. I just followed along with his movements as he released my arms and legs. He then helped me on my feet and led me from the garage and through the house.

- So, I’ve prepared an outfit for you. Just put it on and we are ready for dinner. It’s all your size. Now, be very still and I’ll remove your black contact lenses.

So that’s what he had done. He was way better at removing them than I think I would have been, had he just asked me to remove them myself. As I blinked in the light I saw I was back in the guest room. My bags were no where to be seen, and on the bed was a small line up of clothes.

I turn to the mirror and see myself, but instead of my normal hairdo my head is almost completely shaved, save for a few millimeter Mohawk. Secondly, and more concerning, my nipples are huge. Like finger tip huge. He’s observing me from the door.

- Cortisone cream and a modified milking machine, and a few tricks. They will shrink a little bit, but not much. You’ll look like this from now on.

I don’t even have the energy to yell at him. If it is permanent, as he say, screaming doesn’t help. I need to get away from him before he can do whatever else he has planned for the week. It’s only day.... Actually I don’t know how long it’s been. One day? Two days?

- Just get dressed, and we can be on our way. Bring the ID so we can take a beer as well. - OK.

I look at the items laid out for me at the bed again, next to my passport. One black tank top with white hem in some sporty mesh material with the text “PUMP!” printed on the front. Blue, short adidas polyester shorts with white stripes. White, calf high socks with two black rings at the top. Black adidas shoes with white stripes. The only things missing for a stereotype bingo is a whistle, glow sticks and some molly.

No underwear, apparently. I put on the shorts. Like hell “all your size”. The shorts are tight and doesn’t leave my dick size to anyone’s imagination. Socks and shoes go on fine. I brace myself and put on the top. My tits feels like sparklers, shooting nerve signals all through my body. I can feel the tight shorts getting even tighter. I feel slutty.

On the way to dinner he is quite chatty. Talking about the buildings and neighborhoods we drive by, as if he hadn’t drugged and violated me for hours, perhaps days. He is casually dressed, Levis’ jeans and American Eagle polo. Still he manage to outclass me by an order of magnitude. Dinner is at P.F. Chang’s, so not at all fancy. Still I feel like everyone is looking, and judging. Everyone we pass on the parking lot, through the mall, at the front of house, on the way to our table. Everyone can clearly see my tits and my dick through the fabric. My haircut practically shouts for attention. My clothes even more so. And it’s not like I’m part of a group that has dressed up, or down. I’m lead here by someone dressed normal. A regular dude and his slut.

Sitting down feels better, with a table hiding my lower body, but it still feels like I’m in public in just underwear, having two flashing tits.

- Hey, relax. Calm your tits.

It was such a cheesy joke, I exploded in laughter. He’s right of course. It’s not like I’m hurt or massively disfigured. Most people will never even see it, once I’m in decent clothes. No one around me knows me, and I’ll never see them again. This is me experiencing something I could never have set up myself. Besides, I can’t really do anything about my situation except flagging down a cop, so I might as well enjoy it. I ordered the Dynamite Shrimps, the Singapore black pepper chicken and a steady flow of diet coke.

Man, was I hungry. It was tasty and I even managed to relax, though my tits kept rubbing against the mesh fabric, keeping me semi erect. And every time someone passed by, I got a twinge of feeling exposed, feeling “slutty”. We chatted a bit about ourselves, kind of how I had imagined our first real meal would have gone. When we were both done we asked for a refill and the bill. I managed to hide it, but I got quite the shock reading it. It said Tuesday. I arrived Saturday afternoon, so I had been drugged for three whole days! I don’t think he noticed my shock, because he leaned over and asked me, in a hushed voice “Are you ready to leave, slutty fuckboi?”.

Right away my dick throbbed into almost fully erect, and it was very close to pump custard into the shorts. Of course! The fucking hypno loops! That’s why I have been so docile since I woke up. “Slutty fuckboi” and “Calm your tits” were trigger phrases. Tits?! They are nipples. I’ve even been conditioned to refer to them as tits. I’m sure there are some programming about feeling self conscious and “slutty” as well. Who the fuck does he think he is! I must escape right now!

- Almost. I need to go to the boy’s room first. - I bet you do. You drank quite a lot.

I need to walk through two thirds of the restaurant to reach the restroom. Again I feel like I’m under dressed, overexposed and it would be hard to miss my raging erection in the hilariously tight adidas. I keep a fast but calm stride. Running would just draw even more attention.

I even have a hard time pulling down the shorts. They are almost locked in place by my swollen deadbolt. I stand feet together, slide the shorts straight down and turn to the sink to chill my dick in cold water. After the erection is gone I take a leak, pull up the shorts, and that’s when I feel the passport in my pocket. I had almost forgotten about it. I still have a reservation at the hotel. My credit card is on file and I have an ID to show. It must be within just a few miles, and if anything I’m dressed for exercise.

I don’t have a phone or a watch, so I don’t know exactly how long it took, but I guess about two hours to sneak out through the other entrance, ask mall information on the location of Holiday Inn, walk there without Google Maps, manage to check in with a receptionist who clearly didn’t approve of my attire, and have a lie down in bed. I should call Amex and have them block my credit card and send a new one to the hotel. Should I call him and tell him to send my bag here? Would it be risky to let him know where I stay? Would it be risky to even talk to him? That’s when the phone rang.

- Room 304. - Calm your tits, bottom boy. Isn’t it time to continue your transformation? - Yes, it is. - Cool. Pick you up in half an hour. - OK.

Shit. I’m broken.

[peterthepark]

born to die

pairing: billy hargrove x reader

summary: sometimes, it’s better to leave something broken than to fix it. after a two-year old breakup, billy finds her waiting tables, yet still as gorgeous as ever. he can only hope that the timing was never right for them, & that they can show each other how to live again. but hope... it’s a dangerous thing, especially for a man like billy.

warnings: angst, SADNESS, heartbreak, smoking, alcohol, instances of a toxic relationship, strong language, bad shit in the workplace, sensitive topics

A/N: based off of the song happiness is a butterfly by lana del rey & of course, born to die by her as well! this is a continuation to die for you. pls read that before you read this for the whole angsty experience, thanks! be aware this contains sensitive topics and i do not intend to glorify them.

The restaurant bustles noisily with the clatter of plates and cutlery. The air is warm, and you can instantly feel the sweat build up on your brow from the cheap air conditioning. Your body, however, stands frozen in the walkway between the tables. The yellow notepad trembles in your hand, and you stumble over your own words as you muster up the stability to speak again.

Meeting his blue eyes, it made you feel as if you were nineteen again - the same nineteen year old teenager, whose mind was clouded with lust and the need to be loved. Billy Hargrove never did, in fact, love you. Maybe that’s why you still had that aching need buried at the bottom of your heart. No chain and ball could ever pull down that feeling.

His gaze drops from your face to your shoes, taking in your frazzled state. Compared to him, you surely looked like a mess. At least your makeup was decent, unlike the stains on your uniform and apron. Billy couldn’t make it anymore obvious with how shocked he was, yet, the faint smile on his face was a giveaway of his lack of malice towards you.

But the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

And maybe you did lie - about him not loving you.

Maybe it wasn’t love in the first place. Maybe it was more.

Because he was still wearing the gold necklace you had given him on his eighteenth birthday.

It’s been two years. Get a fucking grip.

“So, just the pasta?” You clear your throat, scribbling off all the errors you had made on the notepad whilst taking his order. Stuffing the papers into your apron, you collect his menu, nearly knocking over the glass of water in front of him. “Sorry. My fault. Is that all?”

“Yeah, thank you.” His expression is fond. The words seem bitter on his tongue, almost as if he shouldn’t be speaking to you after all that guilt and shame that was placed upon him once you had left. “Y/N?”

Your heart flutters ever-so delicately, and you turn on your heels to look at him. His eye twitches before he bites down harshly on his bottom lip. “It’s good to see you again.”

There’s a small hitch in his gruff voice, and you internally wince at it before you head into the kitchen to compose yourself. You brush past the busy cooks and stressed waiters, shutting yourself inside the stock room as you attempt to even out your breathing. Bracing your forearms against the shelf, you rest your head against the cool metal, closing your eyes tightly as you mutter curses to yourself.

The door creaks open, causing light to seep through the crack by the doorframe. You raise a hand up, eyes still shut as you press your lips together. “If you could just leave me be right now, that would be great.”

“Y/N.”

Fuck.

“Billy, I - you aren’t allowed to be back here.” You finally look up, hair sticking to your cheeks while you wipe away the oiliness on your neck. You’re sure that your eyeliner has smudged with how much you’ve been touching your face.

You must’ve looked far from beautiful.

But Billy thought otherwise. Seeing you look like a broken mess was nothing foreign to him.

In fact, he was ultimately drawn to broken things.

Maybe two broken people are meant to piece themselves into a whole.

“Look, I’m... Y/N, I wanna apologize.” He steps inside, letting the door swing shut behind him. The only light that fills the room is the swinging red lamp above you, illuminating Billy’s sorrowful features.

“We can’t do this right now.”

“You need to hear me out.”

“Not here, please.” Your eyes glance down at his outstretched fingers.

You almost want to grab them and place his palm against your heart, to show him how fast it beats right now.

To show him that he still has that effect on you. To show him that maybe you do miss him. To show him that he could get a second chance.

But you shouldn’t.

You’ve killed yourself for him too many times.

Yet, the sound of his voice and the blue in his eyes is enough to bring you back to life.

“Y/N, I know I’m the last person who - who you’d want to see here. It’s just I... I’ve thought about what I did to you, and what I could’ve done so that I wouldn’t have lost you.” His eyes are soft, and his eyebrows furrow with every word he says. “I just wanna talk.”

“What even is there left to talk about, Billy?” He sighs at the mention of his name, and he struggles to keep his head lifted at the sound of it. You place your hands on top of your shoulders, arms crossing over your sternum defensively as you stare at him with a open mouth.

“Do you still feel the same?” He whispers breathily. “Do you still love me?”

A shaky exhale escapes from your lips, before they part and purse together; the words in your head are hesitant to leave through your throat, and a weak scoff comes out instead. The door clicks open, and you freeze when your boss walks into the stock room. His eyes bounce from you to Billy, and you curl into yourself under his degrading glare.

“Everything good, Y/L/N?” Freddie asks, adjusting the collar of his button up as you tug at Billy’s shirt for him to leave.

“M’fine, sir.” You mumble, straightening out your uniform as you step towards him.

Billy walks out first, and to his dismay, he quickly sees the disheartening interaction between you and Freddie. He doesn’t miss the way Freddie snatches your wrist, pulling you towards him while you struggle in his grasp. Billy catches your eye in the doorway, and you avert your gaze before Freddie finally lets you go. You stumble out of the back room, bumping shoulders with Billy as you hastily return to your job.

The expression on your face saddens him. It’s as if you had died over and over again in the last two years, constantly being thrown in the line of fire - only to pick yourself up everytime. Since when was it possible for it to become this bad?

With short breaths, you place Billy’s dish on the table, already knowing that he didn’t want any Parmesan on his pasta and that he would want a Coca-Cola to go with it. His lips curl up into a small smile, and a quiet thank you slips out. You nod courteously, stuffing your hands in your pockets while you ask him if he needs anything else.

“Can I see you after this?” Billy says as he twists his fork into his noodles.

You huff with a weak shrug. “I don’t - I don’t have time. Really.” He nods respectfully, and suddenly you feel a wave of regret wash over you. You pat the table with your hand, before you stride off to help your other customers. “Enjoy your meal, Hargrove.”

Closure.

It’s what you needed, right? Surely, closure would help mend the agonizing wound inside your chest. But maybe, the wound had gotten worse now that you’ve seen Billy once again - infected even.

Was it worth it?

Billy runs a limp hand down his face when another waitress hands him his check. He sorts through the receipts, digging out crumpled dollar bills from his wallet to pay off his food. His eyes skim over the numbers, until they land on a familiar set of blue handwritten words on the corner of his receipt.

We can meet at the motel down a few blocks. (The one where we stayed when your car broke down? Do you remember that?) Anyways, I‘m taking up room 20. Shift ends at 5.

He cranes his neck to look for you in the midst of the restaurant, but he doesn’t. Disappointed yet also relieved at your change of heart, he folds the note into his jacket, setting aside a generous twenty dollar-bill as his tip. With shaky legs, he stands, suddenly nervous at the thought of you confronting him about all that had happened - but he didn’t care anymore.

At least you’d be speaking to him.

Staring at the evergreen car freshener that hung from the mirror above the dashboard, Billy could feel his chest constrict as he thought of the things you’d say to him.

How pathetic he made you feel?

How he wasted your time?

How he struggled to show how much he truly loved you?

Billy plants his feet on the murky welcome mat in front of your room. Rapping his fist against the door, he bites down on the inside of his mouth as he listens to the lock click open. Your sunken face peers through the crack, and you slowly pull the door further to allow Billy into your room. He shuffles inside with heavy footsteps. The leather jacket rests heavy on his arms so he shrugs it off and hangs it on the wooden chair in the makeshift kitchen.

His eyes take in the state of your motel room. Clothes are scattered on the floor of the bathroom, while two suitcases hide behind the curtain of the closet. There’s an ashtray on the television stand, and a pack of unopened Marlboro cigarettes beside. The bedsheets of your queen mattress are messily pulled back, and it seems as if you had lacked the energy to clean up after yourself. After what seemed like forever, Billy finally pans over to you, eyebrows already furrowed with questions and mouth drawn in a straight line.

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

The question is enough to cause you to take a seat, otherwise, you’re sure that you wouldn’t have the strength to carry on. Not in a couple months has asked you that question. And in the two years you had gone without seeing Billy, you least expected him to be the first person who’d ask.

Visually, the answer is clear: you aren’t okay. But internally, inside your mind, beneath the mentality of pretending to be alright, you weren’t sure if there was anything left - besides the occasional pang of sadness or frustration, it felt as if your whole world had shifted into black and white.

It’s like the universe had died with you.

And so, you reply with the phrase that you’ve repeatedly rehearsed inside your head. “I’m not okay,” You swallow audibly, feeling your throat tighten. “But I will be.”

Billy, though sympathetic, is almost in worse shape as you are. However, he doesn’t let it show, not on the outside at least. Yet, he knows that you can tell something is wrong with him. There’s a slight frown on your face as you rest your arm on the back of the chair you‘re sitting on.

You raise your head to look up at him, “Are you okay?”

“I will be.” He smiles sadly, twisting the ring around his finger. His eyebrows knit together as he glances at you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I should’ve been better.”

“I know, I know.” Strands of hair from your loose ponytail frame your face, and you stressfully push them away from your view with a sigh. “We both could’ve done better.”

“Fuck, Y/N.” He kicks his heel against the refrigerator with disgruntlement, tugging on his curly hair. “I’ll never find anyone like you. I fucked it up. I’m sorry. I fucked everything up.” He begins to pace around the room, footsteps heavy on the dark carpet.

“Billy...”

“Y/N, I still love you. And I know - I know that what I did was... unspeakable. I messed with your head, I made you think twice, I made you doubtful and insecure and I - I understand no one would ever want that. But Y/N... I was seventeen when we first got together, I was nineteen when we broke up. And now, I’m twenty, and I still miss you.”

“Billy, as much as I... I would like to go back to being seventeen again, and hope that we would last then... it’s impossible.” You play with coaster on the table, twisting it between your fingers as a method of distracting yourself. Billy forces himself to sit, letting himself slide down the cool surface of the fridge with ease. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “But... there are some days where I can’t stop thinking about you.” When you look at him, he meets your gaze through his lashes. “And other days, I wonder why I’m wasting my fucking time, B.”

B.

He thinks that’s your way of telling him that you still love him.

Is it though?

“Do you want me or do you not?” Billy questions you. His eyes are narrowed. The hurt is finally visible, and you shrivel under his hopeful stare with clammy palms.

“You were supposed to be my once in a lifetime.” You clench your jaw, pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. “I don’t know if I can handle a second chance.”

The air smells of death.

You shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t have let him reach out. You shouldn’t have let this happen.

Your body shifts into instinct, and your feet scuffle against the ground as you stand up. Your shadow falls against Billy’s face as you step closer towards him. His eyes follow you as you sit down onto your thighs in front of him. The skirt of your uniform rides up, baring the skin beneath it.

“But what’s the worst that could happen to someone who’s already hurt?” You whisper, breath fanning over your lips.

His face is inches away from yours, and his attention falls onto your smudged lipstick, hesitant to reach out and touch you. Sitting between his legs, the tip of your nose grazes against his, then your mouths hover over one another - so close yet so far. Momentarily, he locks eyes with you. And you see nineteen-year old Billy again. You hold back a sob as you let your forehead rest again his. Gently, your fingers come to toy with his necklace, engraved onto it is a butterfly, and you smile through tears.

“I love you, Y/N.” Billy swipes his thumb under your eye, catching your teardrop. “I love you.”

His lips slowly connect to yours, capturing you into a desperate and longing kiss. His hands become grabby, clutching at the fabric of your top and nape of your neck. When he pulls away, you both are gasping for air.

Kissing him had revived you.

But kissing him was also the thing killing you.

How can you stay away from something that you were once so addicted to?

-

“So what happened?” Billy pipes up in a raspy voice. He rubs your arm, drawing butterfly-like shapes with his pointer finger as you rest your head on his bare chest.

Ever since he had sat down and talked to you, he’d visit you every few weekends, trying his best to prove himself to you again.

To gain back your trust.

It was almost too easy.

“I, uh, moved out of home last year for college. Remember Chicago? Yeah, couldn’t afford that shit so I was forced to drop out. Then, my parents got on my ass about it and I feel too - too ashamed to even ask for their help. Which is how I got to waiting tables at Rascal’s.” You scoff, “It doesn’t pay much, but its enough for two nights at a motel and some grocery.”

Billy shakes his head. “Jesus Christ, Y/N.”

“But I’ve saved up enough money... to leave.” You reluctantly glance up at Billy, burying your head against his collarbone. “You know?”

“Leave?”

“I’m going to California in a few weeks. That was my plan: to get up and go without telling anyone. Just - just disappear off the face of the earth. But now, you’re here. I’m here. And yet, I still want to leave this shithole.”

Billy looks over at the suitcases in the closet.

You were going to California.

What if he went too? After all, he’d die for you, right?.

You move to lean against the headboard, blinking at him expectantly.

Raising an eyebrow at him, you listen as he begins to ramble on. “Let me go with you to California.” Your jaw drops, and you start to shake your head while he frantically continues. “Y/N, there’s nothing for me here. This - I don’t have anyone or anything in this shithole.”

“You have Max.”

“She has her friends.”

“Billy,” You place your hand on his cheek, pulling him into your arms when he leans into your warm touch. “Wouldn’t that be a little too selfish?”

“Sweetheart,” He presses a kiss to your forearm and squeezes your hand. His eyes flicker up to you, and you blush deeply under his intense stare. “I’m always a little too selfish when it comes to you.”

The fact that he’d die for you was enough, right?

“So you’re coming with?” You chew on your bottom lip, tracing his tattoo with uncertainty.

“I’ll go anywhere you want me to go.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure, Y/N.”

Walking through the city streets

Is it by mistake or design?

I feel so alone on a Friday night

Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you're mine?

In a matter of weeks, Billy shows up to your motel room with two luggages in each hand. His hair is pulled back into a low curly ponytail, and he flashes you a charming smile as lightening booms in the sky behind him.

“When I said that we should runaway together at some point in our life...” You joke, hopping into the passenger seat of his Camaro with ease. Billy comes around to the driver’s seat after loading the trunk. “I didn’t think we’d be serious about it.”

“Well, there’s no backing out now, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Keep making me laugh

Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

“Can we stopover? Please? I gotta piss.” Billy complains, scratching his head dramatically as he fidgets in the seat. You drum your fingers against the steering wheel, finding amusement that he can’t stand the fact that you’re driving. “Y/N, I’m begging you.”

“The next stopover isn’t for like another hour. You’re an idiot. Should’ve went at the last one.”

“I di-“

“Fine! Fine. Alright, well, the closest thing to us is some random bar.” You chuckle, changing lanes. You turn up the stereo, tuning out Billy’s whining with Elvis instead.

Come take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

The mattress is soft beneath you. Billy’s arm rests over your stomach, trapping you against his chest. The lamp beside you buzzes softly, and you take in the state of the apartment that Billy had managed to rent out within the month you had arrived in San Francisco.

Leaving Hawkins had left an unknown scar in your heart. You wanted this - California, having a life with Billy, a second chance at that. You felt euphoria once you had moved in with him; the feeling was fulfilling, and it made you feel complete.

Was there anything better than loving someone in a city far from home?

You blink sleepily as Billy stirs awake. He yawns into your shoulder, trailing kisses up your neck with exaggerated noises.

“Morning.”

“Hi.” You flip onto your other side to face him. The blanket tickles your nose as you cuddle into its warmth, locking eyes with Billy. The dark blue turquoise swirls with adoration and momentarily, you feel something.

He looked at you like you were his whole world.

You must be feeling love - love felt like this, right? It had to. What other feeling could it be?

Or are you just trying to convince yourself as you look into the eyes of the boy who had stabbed you in the heart too many times?

You wanted this, Y/N.

You wanted California.

But did you ever want Billy?

“Are you leaving for work soon?” He asks, rolling out of the bed. He slips on his sweatpants from last night, tying the drawstrings together.

“Yeah, I have about twenty to spare though.”

“Oh.” He huffs, arms limp by his side. “Well, you should’ve told me. Put on pants for nothing.”

You laugh heartily. But the grin fades instantly when he dips down to press a suggestive kiss to your lips.

Was it love? Will it ever be love?

Lost but now I am found

I can see but once I was blind

I was so confused as a little child

“Y/N, you want me to take table six?” Alex asks, holding a stack of menus in his hand. You push your hair back, nodding with a gracious gaze.

“Please? Thank you. You’re an angel.” You move to brush past him, but simultaneously, he tries to move past you as well. His taller frame hovers over you, and you unexpectedly blush when he touches your arm to scoot past the granite counter.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” He chuckles shyly, scratching his head. A black curl of hair falls against his forehead, and you look at him fondly before he finally moves to accommodate the customers.

You catch the second glance he gives you.

And your belly bubbles with a cozy sensation.

It’s been forever since you’ve felt like this.

Tried to take what I could get

Scared that I couldn't find

All the answers, honey

“Okay, so you’re from Indiana? Tell me how it feels to grow up in a place like that.” Alex points at you with his spoon, chewing softly on his cereal. He glances up at you as he takes another spoonful of Cheerios. You shake your head in disagreement, staring down at your coffee bashfully. “No? So you’re from Illinois? Wait, Michigan?”

“No, no, I grew up here, silly. But... moved to Indiana for family reasons.” You shrug.

“Oh, alright, I see it now. You’re definitely a California girl.”

“What makes you say that?” He pauses, taking a couple minutes to study your face.

“You’re too beautiful for a small town, Y/N.”

You didn’t know that your own name could make you feel such emotions.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough

And the road gets tough, I don't know why

“Where have you been?” Billy rushes towards you, reeking of a bar.

You exhale sharply, tossing your bag onto the stool by the front door. “Working. Why?”

You take off the cardigan of your uniform and hang it on the coat rack. Walking past a concerned Billy, you head straight into the bedroom, too exhausted and too conflicted to even acknowledge him following you. He leans against the wall, eyes wide with disbelief as you start to undress.

“Working? Y/N, it’s been hours since your shift ended!” He shouts, gesturing at the clock on the nightstand.

You gape at him, slipping into an old shirt. “Billy, I’m home. That’s all that matters.” You start to raise your voice in irritation. “Why are you being such an ass about it?”

“Because - because...”

Happiness is a butterfly

Try to catch it like every night

It escapes from my hands into moonlight

“Because you don’t trust me? Is that what this is?” Scoffing at him with narrowed eyes, you dump your waitress uniform into the laundry basket, disregarding how piled up it is.

“You’re putting words into my mouth.” He paces around the room, while you sit calmly on the edge of the bed.

“You’re making assumptions.”

“Then tell me where you’ve been all day!” He explodes, tugging at his hair.

“With Alex.” You answer truthfully, finding no harm no the words you had uttered.

“Alex?”

“Just a guy from the café.”

Billy’s face hardens. “You’ve been at this job for how long? Three months?”

“B, just drop it. I’m tired.” You bury your head into your hands.

“Three months and you haven’t told me a single thing about this - this Alex.” His voice falters, and for a second, you think that’s he done being an asshole - but the anger and jealousy in his eyes tell you the opposite. “You like spending time with Alex? Huh? You’ve been gone for five hours, is that how much you like being around Alex? I barely get to see you anymore, Y/N. What the fuck is this?”

“Alex is a friend!” You stand up abruptly, fed up with Billy’s behavior. “I can’t be friends with other guys? You’re fucking crazy.”

“We move back to California and suddenly you’re a whore again.”

You realize that he’s been slurring this whole time - his words still hurt, though, and the intent behind them are enough to sting.

But drunk people often tell the truth. You weren’t a stranger to that.

If he's a serial killer, then what's the worst

That could happen to a girl who's already hurt?

I'm already hurt

Your frustration shifts into shock, then pain as you process what he had said to you in a matter of seconds. The tears don’t hold back this time, and immediately, your vision is blurry as the room around you spins.

Billy wobbles on his feet as the shame comes over him. He mutters your name when he sees your watery eyes and your quivering lip. You make a beeline for the door, but you’re pulled back when your hand comes in contact with the knob. Billy tightly wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head against your back as he whimpers an apology. The cracks in his throat don’t faze you. The dampness of your shift doesn’t faze you. The sound of him whispering your name doesn’t faze you.

This isn’t love.

Your love died when you had died for him.

If he's as bad as they say, then I guess I'm cursed

Looking into his eyes, I think he's already hurt

He's already hurt

“I don’t want this.” You say, shuddering as a sob racks through your body. “I don’t want you if you’re going to be like this.”

“Stay. Stay.” He cries. This is too familiar. This already happened. You can’t handle a second time. Not again. “I’ll change. I’m drunk. I’m drunk - just - this isn’t me, Y/N. You know me. This isn’t me.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.” You tremble, placing your hands on the door to hold yourself up as Billy embraces you even tighter.

You can’t breathe. He’s suffocating you.

“Y/N, I love you.”

“I’m sorry, B. I can’t.”

This isn’t love. No...

This is what it looks like when you’re lonely.

You pry his cold hands off of you, not once looking back as you slam the bedroom door behind you.

Billy doesn’t chase after you this time. He lets the tears roll down his cheeks. And he lets the emptiness eat him alive.

After all, people don’t come back from death.

I said, "Don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi.”

Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat

“I’m sorry, I don’t have anywhere else to go.” You sniffle, wiping away your runny nose with the sleeve of Billy’s crewneck. It hangs just above your knees, and you realize how disheveled you look.

Alex ushers you inside, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as you take a seat on his futon. The throw pillows smell of roses.

A funeral.

He doesn’t say a word. Rather, he sits beside you, rubbing your back comfortingly as your breathing becomes ragged. You try to speak, but all that comes out is a weak, pained moan.

I just wanna hold you tight down the avenue

I just wanna dance with you

I just wanna dance with you

Alex pulls you up from the makeshift bed on his couch, shushing you as you start to worriedly ask questions. The record player by his dining table sings airily, and you feel light as Alex begins to waltz with you around the living room.

“I’m not in the mood for this...” You mumble grumpily. Alex blows air into your face, and you flinch from the sudden action. “Ow, what is wrong with you?”

“Just trying to dry your tears. If you keep crying, I’ll run out of oxygen soon from trying to keep you dry.” He quirks a brow at you, laughing as you accidentally step on his bare feet. “And maybe I have to teach you to dance better. I won’t have any feet after that either, considering you keep fucking stepping on them.”

You shake your head at him with a small smile.

The cozy feeling from before fills the dark pit in your stomach.

“Is the California girl smiling?” Alex pulls back to look at you properly, scrunching his nose up when he sees you smile even wider. “Would you look at that.” His eyes drop down to your lips, and you don’t miss the way that his tongue slips out to wet his own. Clearing his throat, he speaks up again. “I got you a little gift. Just - just to cheer you up. Uh, hopefully. I don’t know if you’ll like it, but...” He steps away, digging through his bookshelf. When he turns to you, he holds out a minuscule box.

You hesitantly take it into your hands, popping the lid open.

A necklace.

A butterfly necklace.

The same one as Billy’s.

What a tragedy, to want to forget someone, only for them to flutter into your life undecidedly, especially when you don’t want them anymore.

But people don’t get to decide when the Reaper comes to sow.

And death - death is inevitable.

You were born to die from the beginning.

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a A!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Acchi Kocchi (TV) (Place to Place):

Genres: slice of life, comedy, romance, school

Synopsis: Feelings may come and go, but true love always remains in the heart. Tsumiki Miniwa is in love with her best friend, Io Otonashi. For her, confessing is nearly impossible; but to her friends, they seem to be the perfect match. Cute and petite, Tsumiki comes off more as a friend, and Io's attitude toward her is friendlier than toward others. Despite the constant teasing and obvious hints that his friends have been dropping, Io always seems to miss the signs. Throughout her everyday school life, Tsumiki spends time with her friends and Io. Will she finally muster enough courage to confess her true feelings? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2012 with a total of 12 Episodes.

My Thoughts: It’s been ages since watching this one so I can’t say I remember it well but the rating tells me it was at least partway decent and I imagine I thought the animation/ character design was rather cute (though not to my usual tastes). A feel good sort of anime with cutesy romance? If any of you guys have watched this anime and have anything to share feel free to send it my way so people can make an informed decision before viewing if they so wish! 

Akatsuki no Yona (Yona of the Dawn):

Genres: action, adventure, comedy, fantasy, romance, shoujo

Synopsis:  Princess Yona lives a life of luxury and ease, completely sheltered from the problems of the seemingly peaceful Kingdom of Kouka; however, the sudden murder of the king and betrayal of her beloved cousin Su-won places Yona's life in mortal peril. Forced to escape only with Son Hak, who is both her childhood friend and bodyguard, the naïve princess soon discovers that Kouka is not the idyllic place she envisioned it to be. Poverty, strife, and corruption run rampant, making reclaiming the throne nothing more than a wishful fantasy given the kingdom's current state. Based on the popular manga of the same name by Mizuho Kusanagi, Akatsuki no Yona follows Princess Yona on a coming-of-age adventure as she faces the harsh realities of her kingdom. With only a mysterious legend to guide her, Yona must discover a way to restore Kouka to its former glory while being pursued relentlessly by the forces of the new King of Kouka. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7.5/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I recall having an issue with the pacing in the beginning but an overwhelming love for the sheltered to fierce main character and reverse harem vibes with all those pretty men. The artwork was nothing special most of the time, being rather muted and the themes were hit and miss but overall I recall this being a rather decent series. That being said, I was far more generous with my rating of the manga, which is still ongoing and a great series to read! 

Akiba's Trip The Animation

Genres: action, comedy, supernatural, ecchi

Synopsis:  Otaku siblings Tamotsu and Niwaka Denkigai are shopping in Akihabara when it is overrun by vampiric cosplaying monsters! These creatures, known as "Bugged Ones," can possess anyone they bite and soon they begin causing mayhem across the city. As Tamotsu finds himself at the mercy of one of these creatures, he is rescued by the mysterious baseball bat-wielding Matome Mayonaka. Together, they fight through several more encounters with the Bugged Ones, but before long, Tamotsu is fatally wounded protecting Matome. With no other choice, she revives him as a high level Bugged One—just like her! Tamotsu and Matome, along with excitable otaku cosplayer Arisa Ahokainen, make up the group "The Electric Mayonnaise" and they begin dispatching the Bugged Ones in the only way they know how: by ripping off their clothes and exposing them to sunlight! [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 4/10

Finished airing in 2017 with a total of 13 episodes. 

My Thoughts: That’s a hard no from me. Would not suggest this one. I was drawn in by the art/ animation/ character design and just didn’t know when to quit. Not worth the time it takes to finish the 13 episodes in my personal opinion. 

Amaama to Inazuma (Sweetness & Lightning): 

Genres: comedy, slice of life, seinen

Synopsis:  Since the death of his wife, Kouhei Inuzuka has been caring for his young daughter Tsumugi to the best of his abilities. However, with his lack of culinary knowledge and his busy job as a teacher, he is left relying on ready-made meals from convenience stores to feed the little girl. Frustrated at his own incapability to provide a fresh, nutritious meal for his daughter, Kouhei takes up an offer from his student, Kotori Iida, to come have dinner at her family's restaurant. But on their very first visit, the father and daughter discover that the restaurant is often closed due to Kotori's mother being away for work and that Kotori often eats alone. After much pleading from his pupil, Kouhei decides to continue to go to the restaurant with Tsumugi to cook and share delicious homemade food with Kotori. Amaama to Inazuma follows the heartwarming story of a caring father trying his hardest to make his adorable little daughter happy, while exploring the meanings and values behind cooking, family, and the warm meals at home that are often taken for granted. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Heartwarming and painfully sweet. A story about family with a culinary twist. Lovely artwork/ animation/ character design which perfectly compliments the characters and story. A great one to watch if you’re looking for something light but capable of tugging at your heartstrings a bit. 

Amagi Brilliant Park:

Genres: comedy, drama, fantasy, magic

Synopsis:  Seiya Kanie, a smart and extremely narcissistic high school student, believes that the beautiful but reserved Isuzu Sento has invited him on a date at an amusement park called Amagi Brilliant Park. Much to his chagrin, not only is the location a run-down facility, the supposed date is merely a recruitment tour where Sento and Princess Latifa Fleuranza, the owner of the theme park, ask him to become the park's new manager. Their cause for desperation? As stipulated in a land-use contract, Amagi has less than three months to meet a quota of 500,000 guests, or the park will be closed for good and the land redeveloped by a greedy real-estate company. Seiya is won over by the revelation that Amagi is no ordinary amusement park; many of its employees are Maple Landers—mysterious magical beings who live in the human world and are nourished by the energy created by people having fun. Entrusted with the hopes and dreams of this far-off enchanted land, Seiya must now use his many skills to bring Amagi back on its feet, or watch it crumble before his eyes. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7.5/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 13 episodes. (Also has two OVA’s/specials)

My Thoughts: An interesting setting and a cute male lead made even better thanks to the excellent art and character design. A decent comedy with art/ animation/ character design that was right up my alley. 

Amnesia:

Genres: reverse harem, mystery, romance, fantasy, josei

Synopsis: After fainting at work, a young lady awakens in the back room of the café she works at with no memory of her life or those around her. Two of her friends, whom she soon learns are named Shin and Toma, are called to help her get home safely. Once she is alone, she meets a spectral boy named Orion that only she can see and hear. He explains that she lost her memories because of his chance visit to her world, so he vows to help her remember who she is.

However, regaining her departed memories without worrying those around her may be more difficult than she realizes. In addition to the gloomy Shin and the protective Toma, she must be wary of arousing the suspicions of the captivating Ikki, the quick-witted Kent, and a mysterious man who lurks in the distance. As her amnesia entangles her in the lives of each of these men, her fragmented memories return piece by piece, and the mysteries of her circumstances slowly come to light.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 3/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 12 episodes.

My Thoughts: A blank piece of paper for a female lead and cast of potential suitors that range from kind of crappy to the creepiest of creeps. What isn’t there to love? I vaguely recall my reverse harem kick where I consumed each and every reverse Harem I could get my hands on, hoping that at least one of them would be properly satisfying... They never were. Don’t even bother watching this one. You know unless what I described above is your sort of thing.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 23)

It had been such a long time since Azula had left her house for anything other than school; getting ready to do so for the first time in a while had such a bittersweet and nerve-wracking edge. Ultimately, she knew that it would do her well to leave the house. She still hadn’t the drive or energy for it, but being around her father was becoming suffocating, more than it already had been. He had become blunter—and was growing more so as the days flowed on. Among other things, he began to refuse to buy her a new wardrobe. And he was cutting her money off, so she could no longer buy clothing for herself. A small thing, it was, but taxing no less. Most everything in her closet ranged from a little to snug for her to concerningly tight. Physically and emotionally it was growing harder for her to be comfortable in her own clothing. That in itself was one of the many reasons she tried to avoid leaving her house.

 She found something that looked like it would still fit at least decently well. The skirt hugged her hips a little too much for security, but it would have to do, it was almost no different than her school uniform. Perhaps it was a little shorter, but the color—black with a fringe of red sequins—was more flattering. She next pulled a blouse over her arms. It was also black in color and bore the same fringe on the sleeves and at the collar. It pinched and cut unpleasantly into her wrists as she began working with the buttons.

She began to think that this choice in attire was a mistake. Tops with buttons were now on the list of things not to wear. Her fingers trembled as she fastened her shirt the rest of the way. She narrowed her eyes, finding a new thing to fret over as she held her hands in front of her face.

She didn’t know if it was just her kicking herself down again, but she could swear that her hands were swollen. She stuffed them into her pockets and made a hasty retreat from her room. She was already running late.

 Azula could hear her father yelling into the phone, from the sound of it, Mai’s family was wanting to withdraw from, or at the very least, lighten their lawsuit claims. “We’re in this together!” He shouted. “BeiFong Electronics needs to crash.” She could practically envision his dramatic and sweeping gestures. Clearly, the man was already in a pissy mood. She considered, that it probably was a good idea for her to stay away from the estate.

She quickly gathered her keys and purse and slipped outside.

 .oOo.

 “I was beginning to think that you stood me up.” Teo greeted as he sprung up from the park bench.

 “I had to get dressed.” She replied. “I had trouble finding something to wear.”

 He looked her over, she thought that his gaze lingered for too long but she made no comment on it. “You look nice.” He said with a smile. But she couldn’t find it in herself to agree with him. She didn’t like how the skirt showed off her thighs. It took her a moment to come back to the present and realize that Teo was holding his hand out. She looked at if for a moment before deciding to take it. “So, uh, what do you want to do?”

 It had been so long since Azula had been on a date, she struggled to come up with an activity. She had less money for shopping, so she would rather avoid that temptation. She didn’t exactly want to walk around the park; the faint and dizzy feelings were growing worse and more frequent. A dinner date was completely out of the question. “You decide.”

 “Want to go for some pizza, I know a good place.”

 “Absolutely not.” She replied abruptly. With her stomach as painfully empty as it was, she knew that one slice would turn into the whole damn pizza. It wasn’t a visual she wanted to provide Teo with. It wasn’t how she wanted to ruin her good streak. So far she had managed to restrain herself for the entire week, only eating what her father permitted. And the few times at lunch where she had overdone it some, she had purged the damage in a timely manner.

 “Okay, well how about we take a walk on the beach?” He pointed in the direction of the pier. “Though I’m gonna need some help.”

 “Too cold.” She replied.

 “Okay, how about we drop by the mall?” He tried.

 “I didn’t bring my credit card and I don’t have much cash on me.” She lied.

 “We can drive to the amusement park?”

 But she wasn’t in the mood for walking around in close proximity to a bunch of overly excited children and loud noises. Even less so, she fancied the thought of being around so much cotton candy and popcorn and the collection of other wonderful smells that an amusement park teemed with. Besides, she couldn’t imagine that it would actually be much fun for Teo. She was pretty sure that he had suggested it more for her than himself. “I’m not in the mood for an amusement park.”

 “We can stay here and walk in the park?”

 “I don’t know if I feel like walking for a long time…” Now she was just being difficult. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she genuinely didn’t have the stamina nor the right energy for a date. “I think that I should just go home, Teo. Maybe we can do this some other time.”

 His face fell and she was almost certain that he was blaming himself.  And then his eyes lit up again, “I can come home with you!”

 “You don’t want to meet my dad. Trust me.” She grumbled.

 And the light went out again. She didn’t want it to. She didn’t want to lose the one person who seemed to care for her. “We can go to your house.”

 His smile was back. “Yeah! I think that my dad would like to meet you.” He actually looked pretty thrilled. “I don’t think that he believed me when I said that I have a girlfriend. He thought that he was dropping me off to play dungeons and dragons with Haru or something.”

 Azula nodded and led him to her car, where he helped her to help him with getting into the car seat. It was an aspect of a relationship with him that she hadn’t considered; she’d have to learn how to help him with tasks like that. Once he had buckled himself in, she squeezed the wheelchair into her trunk.

 She wasn’t much for conversation, only really speaking to ask him for directions. She caught him staring at her hands, likely taking note of the sores on her knuckles. Suddenly she wanted to make small talk, anything to take his eyes off of her hands.

Her puffy hands.

Why did they look like that?

She winced to herself and tightened them around the steering wheel.

 “Another left.” He spoke, the timing was merciful. But then he asked something less so. “Are you okay?”

 “Yes, I’m fine.” She replied instinctively. She had to be fine. She had to, lest she lose what little control she had. She was famished and her muscles were cramping, even from just a short walk, and all she could think of was food; how much she yearned for it, how she would get it, and how she would get rid of it.

But she was fine.

She had to let everyone think that she was anyways. If she couldn’t do that, if she couldn’t maintain control, couldn’t maintain secrecy, then her odds of getting back on the volleyball team would drop even lower.

 And suddenly she thought that she was letting Teo get too close. He could very well pick up on her habits, see through her excuses. She could swear that he already was.

 “Look for the house with the car shaped mailbox, that’s mine.” Teo instructed and then he returned back to the initial subject. “Are you sure? You seem so, tired.”

 “Yes.” She agreed. “I sometimes think about my brother and that makes it hard to get sleep.” It was only half of the truth. The other half was that her hunger pains kept her up. Her hunger pains and the fear that she’d never make it back to where she had been before her accident.

 She pulled into the driveway and gave herself a moment to muster up the strength to get out of the car. Her entire body felt like jelly, and her head was spinning. She knew that she really ought to eat a decent meal. Eat it and keep it in her body. But her body can’t afford the extra calories. She powered her way through the dizzy feeling. She unbuckled Teo and helped him into his chair, the effort sent her world spinning even further.

Blackness danced on the edge of her vision, she leaned heavily against her car and waited for the feeling to pass.

 “This is what I’m talking about.” Teo noted. It finally registered that his arms were on her waist, he was holding her steady to the best of his ability.

 “Really, Teo, I’m okay.” She insisted, feeling anything but.

 Teo stared at the clock. “My dad won’t be here for another hour.”

She dropped herself onto the nearest couch and curled herself up, clutch a belly that was begging for food.

 “Here, have something to drink.” Teo offered.

 She took the water bottle with desperate hands.

 “I’m worried about you.” He commented.

 “You shouldn’t be.”

 He took her by the wrists and held them up and she was faintly aware that he knew almost exactly what was going on. “Please eat something, Azula.” He was practically begging and it chilled her.

 “I will.” She agreed. And she would. She would oblige and then she would rid herself of the potential damage.

 He made his way to the kitchen and pulled down a box of cereal. “I’m not much of a cook. Do you prefer cereal or toast?”  He asked.

 Evidently, she preferred both and then a good helping of ice cream. At the same time, she preferred nothing at all. So she shrugged, “it doesn’t matter.”

 He handed her the bowl. “And no trips to the bathroom this time.”

 “I always—”

 “Yeah, that’s the problem.” Teo replied and she knew ultimately, that he had her figured out.

 “I’ll eat when I get home, Teo.” He didn’t have to speak for her to know that he didn’t buy it for a moment. “Do you want me to send pictures.” She offered.

 “You’ll just stage them.” Teo replied.

 “I’ll eat after I get back on the volleyball team.” She didn’t know why she was justifying herself to him.

 “If you don’t kill yourself trying…”

 “I’ll be fine. I have things under control.” She replied dryly. Even if she didn’t, she believed that she was, indeed, willing to kill herself in an attempt to ready herself to play again.

 “You can still be on the team.” Teo tried.

 But she knew that she no longer had the skills to land herself a position. Even if she did she doubted that anyone wanted to watch a fat girl play. “Where is your mother anyways? You keep talking about your father but you never mention your mother.” She supposed that, that was something they had in common.

 With a sigh he caved and let the subject change. “She died three years ago.”

 “Oh.”

 What a dismal first date, they were having. Other than a simple acknowledgement that she had heard him, she didn’t quite know what to say.

 “I lose a lot of people. I had a brother too. You know what’s funny?” He asked. “My dad owns a car repair shop. My mom and brother were killed in a car accident. I don’t care how many cars he fixes, he couldn’t fix the one that killed my mom and brother…”

 Azula swallowed a lump in her throat. “Is that how…”

 “No. I was born like this.” He motioned to the wheel chair. “No one really cared about it either, until I started going to Wan High. At my old school, people respected me. They liked me.” He paused. “I miss that.”

 “Me too.” She admitted softly, he didn’t catch it.

 “Now all my dad cares about is running that stupid shop. I keep telling him that fixing cars isn’t going to fix what happened. But he always goes out and does it anyways. It’s like I don’t have a dad anymore either. It’s like he thinks he’ll lose the shop if he doesn’t have it open 24/7.”

 “I wish my father would stay at work longer.”

 “I’ll trade your dad for mine.” Teo jested.

 She took it seriously anyhow. “You don’t want that. You don’t want that at all.” Her mind wandered again. Exactly when had she started fearing and hating her father? She missed the praise and the respect. The positive attention.

All of it had been taken from her because of one simple mishap.

 Teo looked at the clock. “I don’t think you’re going to meet my dad tonight. He should have been home already.”

 “That’s fine.” She wasn’t much of a catch anyways.

 .oOo.

 When she got home she only wanted to sleep. She didn’t know how she was going to keep this up. Teo had put questions and considerations into her mind that she’d rather not think about. But she dwelled upon them anyhow. For the first time, she wondered just how long she would be keeping her habits. Would she be eating little and throwing up for the rest of her life? She thought that Teo just might have been right. Her stomach muscles ached and her knuckles were raw. Between that and the searing burning in the back of her throat she was almost certain that she was breaking her body apart.

 Not breaking it.

Corroding it.

 For all her suffering, she was still no more in shape for volleyball. In fact, it occurred to her that she might just be in worse shape than before. At least when she was eating, she wasn’t so drained. At least when she was eating, her body didn’t cramp up. But when she was eating lost control. When she was eating was risking putting on weight that she didn’t need.

 Azula clawed at her hairline. She couldn’t even recall the last time she ate without feeling guilty for it. She just wanted to put herself in that place again. In a place of comfort and genuine control. Because lately, her cycles were getting worse. She was withholding food from herself with more force and by extension, when she could finally bare no more, her binges were worse.

 At least this time she could pretend that she was in control as she made her way to the kitchen. Earlier in the day she had heard her father talking about how he was going to head over to meet with Ukano about the BeiFong lawsuit. It was an opportunity to finally have a full meal. The full meal that her body had been begging for. It would be okay this time. It would be okay because she had planned for it. She would eat what she wanted, she would purge it, and she would bypass her next meal entirely.

 She picked her way through the pantry, pulling items she didn’t think her father would miss. And that night had made good on her promise to Teo. The floor was a mess of wrappers. Faintly, she wondered if she should send the pics. She laughed bitterly to herself as she wept. Planned or not, she had still lost control and she still felt every bit disgusted with herself.

 That time purging didn’t alleviate the guilt at all.

If anything, as she split her knuckles again, she felt more guilty.

 She heard the sound of the door and hustled to clean her mess of wrappers. She noticed her phone buzz on her nightstand and fretted that it was from her father. But it was Teo. It was only Teo. She wondered what he was doing up so late, but she was thankful for the distraction.

 She was thankful that she finally had someone to talk to, even if she had no intention of bringing up just how deep she had dug herself. At least she knew that the opportunity was there.

[survivingsepsis]

03 | 21 | 2019 - I’m still learning but I’m here

2019 appears to be a year of learning, growing, reflecting, self-developing. Or rather is it the age that’s important (26?) and not the year?

I read something in refinery29 in their section called Money Diaries, the point of which is to chronicle a week in a random normal person’s life keeping track of how much money they spend. I already budget so it wasn’t the money part that was compelling to me, it was the casual journalling of just a normal week in someone’s life and how much meaning each day could have and how interesting it was to read about. So here goes nothing - a day in the life of a Chicago pharmacist(sorta). 

XxXxXxXxXxX

Today I woke up and Mat was still here, always a pleasant experience. He was getting ready to attend a class day with Latha. It took him about 3 hours to get ready, but who am I to judge. I actually did make it to work today (a feat) in order to attend an important meeting.

Work was fairly uneventful, a decent mix of lazy time and things to do. I’m finding it harder and harder to work on things ahead of time nowadays, and I hope it doesn’t get me into trouble.

I was lucky enough to get lunch with the lovely Stephanie Chang at Revival for about an hour (OK my job is really awesome). We both got $1 meals using the Ritual app (what A FIND). I always wonder if I’m talking too much or annoy her but she always says she has a really good time hanging out with me. This is our second time getting lunch here on her off day and I hope we continue this tradition.

I had been planning on going straight home right after work but forgot that we had a going away party for one of my co-workers. So around 5:30 I packed up my bag and my leftover Budlong tenders and headed over to 2Twenty Tavern on Wabash/Jackson with a couple co-workers. There I had a drink and chatted about some old memories at PFV.

When I got home, I had a pleasant surprise waiting for me - a Play! Sephora subscription box. I NEVER thought I’d be a person to do a subscription box (especially not for makeup). But I’ve been trying to do more with my money and not stay confined to the shackles my frugal momma raised me with and to its credit, this $10 subscription has already brought me a lot of joy. I’ve been attending more Sephora makeup classes, and though I still think that some of this high-end makeup stuff is a marketing gimmick and a waste of money, I can kind of see the appeal. I even wrote up a post of my first box on a subReddit!

In terms of fails for the day, I ordered a HelloFresh subscription this past Monday for the first time and we got 3 meals. Mat and I made one on Monday and it was a whole ordeal (I should write a separate post for that), and I couldn’t muster up the energy to make another one yesterday or today even though I know I’m running out of time before I go back home for the weekend and these precious ingredients go bad.

But to make it up, I worked out! Mat decided to go out for the night after finishing his post at 11:10PM. It took him over the time that I worked out just to get ready to leave... so I think he spent a total of 4 hours in front of the mirror today.

As he was out and I was getting ready for bed, I had this really crazy sensation hit me while I was sitting there staring at my Play! box. Literally, this was my position:

I couldn’t help but think how fucking GRATEFUL I should be every second of every day. Here I am literally having to actively think of ways to SPEND all the money I have and GET the most out my wonderful life.

I literally live in an age when I can put in the tiniest portion of my money and get beautiful products sent to my mailbox.

My mom grew up having to ration every last morsel of food she was lucky enough to get while my stomach is still too full right now as of writing this at 1:06 AM.

My dad grew up having to re-use the same pencil and notebook for years whereas I live with so much excess I’m trying to figure out how to get rid of things.

They sacrificed so much so I could live a life of so much indulgence. I almost want to cry when I think about it - and how much of my day I spend worrying about stupid things or complaining. I literally complained that I had too much food to cook, when people are starving elsewhere in the world.

So I’m trying. I’m trying to think of how I can wake up happy and thankful every day, rather than be narrow minded about life’s miniature not-troubles. I want to continue getting the most out of my life and making the most out of my money, but I don’t want to forget to change my attitude too - something that materialistic things alone can’t do.

 It feels like it would be super weird and almost annoying of me to go around just speaking about how fucking lucky I am and the people I know are, so maybe that’s why people don’t do it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t seep our gratitude into our daily thoughts and our actions. I want to help my mom in the morning, and let my dad know how much I love him. Small acts of kindness for the strangers. It’s the small things that matter.

[feanor-the-dragon]

You went to bed early last night, but you are still tired when you wake up. You are always tired. Sleep has nothing to do with it. At least the dreams are okay.

There was another protest today. Yesterday, one was attacked. Or the day before. Or maybe, it happened tomorrow? Everything runs together. Time has no meaning.

The president is tweeting again. He is angry at twitter. Wasn't he already angry at twitter? Is he ever not angry? You consider retweeting with something scathing about it being his time of the month, but decide the irony isn't worth it. It isn't like he would see it anyway. You're pretty sure it wouldn't change anything if he did.

Your coworker is upset because their niece couldn't get to the hospital. They say it was because of protesters blocking the road. You aren't sure. Did their sister try asking the protesters to move? Can you blame her for being too afraid if she didn't? Would protesters have let a mother through to take her 2-year-old to the hospital? You don't know. You just don't know. You don't know, and you hate yourself for it. Did they ever get to the hospital? Is your coworker's niece okay? You don't know that either, and you don't have the strength to ask.

You pause the youtube video playing on your phone and reach blindly for the charger. You're not sure when you got home. You don't remember collapsing onto your bed. Your shoes are still on. They're uncomfortable.

You think about ordering pizza again today. You're pretty sure you have the ingredients for a decent meal in the kitchen, and you really need to stop spending so much money, but you don't have the energy to cook anything. You haven't had the energy for a while. Maybe you never did. You worry about the delivery driver, but it's so much easier to order a pizza, and you're going to cover your face with a mask like a decent person. Besides, delivery is contactless, so it's all probably fine. After all, Domino's is there for you in these troubling times. The thought is comforting. You wonder if that is exactly how they want you to feel. You decide that you don't care.

You're friends aren't on Discord today. You hope they're alright. You can't quite remember when you talked to them last. They aren't in the game when you log on either. You're pretty sure they got tired of the MMO while they were all stuck at home. You wish you had gotten to stay home and play it all day with them. You feel guilty for wishing that. You don't want to go to work tomorrow. You feel guilty for this as well. These are trying times. You should be grateful for your job and the income it provides. You should be grateful, but you aren't. The guilt gnaws at the inside of your lungs.

The pizza tastes alright. You ignore the fact that it doesn't agree with your stomach. Your shoes are still uncomfortable.

You want things to not suck. It's childish and unhelpful, but it's all you have the strength to muster anymore. You want things to not suck. You know that they will continue to suck.

You wonder if the madness will ever end. You aren't sure it ever really started. There must have been a time before everything was insane, but the knowledge is purely intellectual. You don't actually believe it anymore. You miss hanging out with your friends.

You decide to go to bed early. It is already 2am. You don't know where the time went. You wish it had brought you along.

USA Gothic

You are always upset. Everyone is always upset. Nothing ever seems to change. Things only ever get worse.

Your government officials sound like cartoon characters. Everyone seems to think this is normal.

Every article reads like satire. You miss seeing headlines from The Onion and knowing that it was The Onion. You cannot recall when it was that you could, but you're pretty sure at least that there was a time.

No one you meet in person seems to grasp the scope of anything that's going on.

The companies are there for you in these troubling times. They have never done a single thing to help you, but you are certain that they're there for you. The knowledge sits comfortingly in the back of your thoughts. You're unsure of where or when you learned it. You think it should disquiet you, but there's enough stress already from a thousand other sources, so you accept it.

You aren't sure when you bought groceries last. You think you might need something at the store. You figure it isn't worth the effort.

God help you, the president just tweeted again.

Disney has bought another company. You thought they'd already owned this one, but apparently not. You wonder if the newly acquired company will still be there for you.

People in some far off place are rioting. Police have killed someone. You realize that it happened one state over. This fact doesn't surprise you as much as it probably should.

Is it too early to go to bed? Time is an illusion. Last week was the longest year of your life. It's only Tuesday, and this week is already shaping up to be the longest decade in history. You expect next week will last a century. There still isn't enough time to get anything done.

[centerforfoodsafety-wildbees]

Healthy and quick Dinner Recipes Foryou to Select!

You are a corporate work horse. Your boss loves one . Your pay cheque says everything. Existence, as you know it, really is good.

Alright, let us cut to the chase. The opposing facet of the story is you always head house having a tired figure, drained head, and also a hungry tummy. A few nights you would go straight to your treasured speedy food joint and also get everything looks like your everlasting go-to meal. The inquiry is, are you really sure that you might be ingesting actual, balanced foods rather than artificial crap masquerading as you can?

On other days, you attempt to muster up all the relevant skills you need to prepare for yourself a decent mealusing whatever's left of your weekly supply. Otherwise, grilled skinless chicken breasts would also produce a fine, balanced take care of. In the circumstances, you feel a fast bit of relief, a refreshing break from your quite rancid, unhealthy diet.

That you really don't will need to force yourself to consume food that simply does your own body much more harm than good. It Takes Just a few minutes to whip up something that Will Not Just satisfy your mind but will even boost your energy for Another Moment

Here are some speedy and healthful dinner recipes you can delight in all with out breaking a sweat.

Easy, Healthy Meat Sauce

If you purchase both nutrition and gastronomic indulgence, you know it's something you want to try. This easy marinara recipe uses vegetables that are fresh, ground sirloin, and jarred marinara sauce--no need to do that the sauce out of scratch! If you should be preparing a week long meal program, this recipe is recommended as it's a shelf life of 5 days and can be kept in mason jars.

White beans have a pleasant, dull taste to those which usually means that you can mix them in anything soup or sauce you have. This tuna quesadilla recipe takes its own taste from clean cherry tomato pico, so which makes it a savory meal that you can have any time of the day.

Health factor: Beans are proven to score lower on the glycemic index. This helps lessen your chance of coronary heart diseases and diabetes.

 Sardines Tossed in Marinara With Coconut oil

Can not catch enough of marinara? Spouse it with coconut oil to make a succulent foundation for this particular super-quick sardine meal.

Overall Wellbeing variable: Aside from tuna, sardines are proven to become among the Top sources of omega-3 Essential Fatty Acids which lower Likelihood of cardiovascular disorders

Green Salad With Lemon Dressing

The lemon's sweet style cuts throughout the brand new, earthy texture of veggies finally offering you a pleasing multi-sensory encounter.

Overall health aspect: Maintaining a high-fiber diet may reduce cholesterol levels and enhance digestion.

Salmon Avocado Poke Bowls

This very simple blossom dish offers a nice balance in between the melt-in-your-mouth goodness of salmon and also the creamy, clean flavor of avocado. Increase that the filling quality of rice and you'll surely possess the complete meal, hookline, and sinker.

Total prep and cook time: 20 minutes

Health variable: Avocados are extremely healthful and have a large selection of vitamins and nutritional supplements and fats that are healthy.

Sheet Pan Teriyaki Chicken and Roast Broccoli

A healthy and deliciously satisfying meal in one sheet pan. This improved and simplified version of everybody else's treasured poultry recipe, cuts back on cook and prep time whilst keeping the delectable flavor of the meal we have all grown to adore.

Complete prep and cook time: Forty minutes

Overall health factor: Did you know that chicken meat really is an all natural anti depressant? Continue to keep your joyful hormones even with a challenging day at work for this particular specific easy-to-prepare meal.

Big existence changes may stone us for just a tiny while, but they don't need to be as bad as we initially understand them. If handled in a certain fashion, transitional periods can pave the way for several severe self-growth, manifestation, and also awareness.

Cultivate a sense of positivity and find methods to reduce the stress around life changes. The moment you make it to the flip side, you'll be glad that you just made it through in the simplest means possible.

[spacechip707]

Hey fam ✌︎('ω'✌︎ ) #35 for seven/MC please! Thank you

Heyo buddy pal chum friend. Sure thing, ma dude. Hope you like this fluff:) 

Prompt #35: “If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you.”

“You know, you really didn’t have to come all the way over to cook a meal with me,” Seven said, slipping another baby carrot into his mouth. You took the bag out of his hands and placed it on the counter.

“When was the last time you’ve eaten?” you returned. He opened his mouth to reply, and you quickly added, “Not consisting of chips or soda.”

He stuck out his bottom lip and crossed his arms, almost defensively. “Well...I haven’t had the time.”

He paused and reached passed you to snatch a bottle from the counter. He held it next to his face. “Or should I say...the thyme.”

A giggle bubbled past your lips. When his eyes glinted, you knew you had made a mistake.

You could already see him taking in all the ingredients lined up. He leaned his elbow on the counter next to you. “Everyone in the RFA is always talking about eating home-cooked meals, but honestly,” he sighed, dragging another spice bottle towards him. “I don’t see what the big dill is.”

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath. Don’t laugh...don’t let him see weakness. “It’s healthier,” you respond in attempts to dissuade further jokes.

He placed a hand over his heart. “Aww! You care for my health. Udon know how much that makes miso happy.”

“Seven!” you groaned. You were really trying to suppress the smile tugging at your mouth. You mustered up all the annoyance you could and glared at him from the side of your eye.

“Listen, honey,” he lifted a jar of the sticky substance along with the butter dish. “If you can come up with some butter puns, I’ll stop.”

You turned to face him, knife still in hand. He stumbled a few paces backwards, letting out a nervous chuckle. “If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you,” you snapped.

He gulped and nodded, setting aside the items in his hand. You held the sharp utensil forward for a few seconds longer, going so far as poking the air for good measure. Seven pressed his fingers together and made a gesture of zipping his lips. Satisfied, you returned to the vegetables.

“If you don’t like my jokes, you should just say so. No need for...cutting remarks.”

You slammed the knife down on the counter. You grabbed the closest ingredient to you, which happened to be a loaf of bread, and chucked it at him. Seven threw up his arms to shield his face, but he was nearly doubling over in laughter.

You continued to hit him over the head with the bread until he called your name several times. Finally, he just grabbed your hands and held them to your side. He leaned real close to your face, a serious expression replacing his usual dorky grin. You calmed, suddenly feeling heat in your cheeks at the close distance. 

“MC, you don’t need to resort to this,” he began, his grip on you tightening and his eyes searching your face. “If you loaf me, you should just say so.”

You really shouldn’t have, but you honestly couldn’t take it anymore. You cupped his face, your thumb absentmindedly brushing his cheek. “Seven...I do,” you said with equal seriousness. “Olive you so much.”

There was a short pause before laughter tumbled out of his mouth. It really wasn’t that funny, but for some reason, his happiness was contagious, and before you knew it, you were on the floor with him, clutching your sides. One joke led to another, and somehow you got caught up in a pun war which made you cringe harder than looking at your middle school photos.

When you finally calmed yourself, you glanced at the microwave clock. “We’re never going to make anything quick enough to eat at a decent time.”

Seven whipped out his phone and waved it in the air. “There’s this amazing thing called pizza.”

You rolled your eyes good naturedly. “Fine.”

He stood to his feet with a sigh, offering his hand to you. “I should probably get some sugar before I pick it up though. For energy.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

You took his hand, and he yanked you up. He pulled you straight into him, pecking your lips before rushing out of the kitchen and, presumably, out of the apartment. You stood in the kitchen, stunned and jittery.

“That absolute sneak,” you muttered under your breath. Although...you couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off your face.

A/N: Sorry if this was too cheesy;););)

If anyone wants to request something, feel free to drop a number in my inbox from this list. I’ll be doing these for the next day or so.