#muppet face series

[2tiedships2]

Harry’s ‘Muppet Face’ series  37/50 (x)

[ozzgin]

content: gn reader, NSFW

Now I keep thinking about it. Monster Dating Show host with a hoe Reader. It's a win for everyone involved. The other monsters have their chance with a human, you get ravaged by monsters, and Mr. Host is drowning in views, ratings, and fame.

He's not the jealous type, you see. At the end of the day, you return to him. You belong to him. He knows it, you know it. You've chosen him because no one else compares.

Sometimes he'll sit back and watch with a grin on his face. There's something particularly amusing about the desperate thrusts of the beasts, their longing gaze, their drooling snouts. Once they're done fucking you, you come crawling back to him.

"Not what you expected?" he'll say smugly, sliding his fingers between your legs. "Such a greedy human you are. Well, I don't blame you. Can't do without a grand finale, eh?"

Rinse and repeat. The little muppets fight to have a taste of your body, competing for a pathetic evening at your feet. The grand prize, however, was always his.

[Monster Dating Show Series]

[emilreloaded]

:\

[menagerofmischief]

Hi, I absolutely love your piercer!Lando series! Could you maybe do a part where the reader gets to tattoo something on Lando, maybe like on a more intimate part of his body?

hi, tysm! let me tell you, this was delicious. icymi piercer!lando saga

"Let it be known, I still think this is absolutely crazy." You said, ghosting your fingers over the stencil on Lando's skin, right above his dick.

Lando sighed at the feeling, his eyes piercing into yours. "Why?" He asked, his voice teasing. "Afraid I'm gonna scream?"

"More like afraid I'm gonna mess you up!"

He laughed, his hand moving to squeeze your shoulder. "I'm sure you won't. Just trace the stencil, no harder than a coloring book."

"This is going to stay on your skin for the rest of your life," you argued, the rational part of your brain screaming at you not to give into his idea.

When Lando first suggested that you do a tattoo on him, it was safe to say you thought he was crazy. A part of you still did. And honestly, you don't even remember how he got you to accept, or rather, you do. With lots of sweet whispers and even sweeter orgasms.

"And I'll wear it proudly even if it looks ... funky."

You look at him for a long silent moment before you sink down onto your knees in front of him, finding the position to be the easiest way to get full access to him and have enough space to move around.

You can't help yourself, sneaking a glance at his already hard dick, sitting right there, just inches away from your face. Without much thinking, you lean forward, pressing a kiss against the leaky tip and Lando groans.

"You gonna reward me if I'm good, princess?" He asks, his voice slightly raspy when he speaks. He stretches his arm towards you, offering you the tattoo gun in his hand.

"Of course," you replied, flashing him a smile as you attempted to turn the machine on. "It's your turn to be a good girl, come to daddy."

The two of you looked at each other for a silent moment before you both burst into laughter, bodies shaking with giggles. "Just start the tattoo, you muppet!"

He hissed at the first contact of needle with skin, but afterwards remained completely still. You hadn't expected anything less from him, not with how much experience he has with this and the small collection of tattoos already decorating his body.

You did your best to concentrate, putting all willpower you had to steady your hands in order not to mess up the lines of the tattoo. It wasn't anything complicated, Lando had designed it himself and chosen the place, declaring he wanted it above his dick with a cheeky smile on his face.

"There!" You exclaimed, your tongue running over your lips to wet them. You looked up at him, your lips stretching into a smile as you turned the machine off and did everything he usually did when cleaning your tattoos up.

Lando looked down at you, mirroring your smile. He set the tattoo gun aside and then his hand was on the back of your head. "Have I been good?"

"Amazing," you replied, kissing his thigh. "Let me reward you."

You moved forward, wrapping your lips around his tip, red and leaking pre-cum. He groaned, his fingers tangling into your hair, not pushing but holding you, for now.

You worked your head down his length, taking more of him into your mouth and Lando moaned at the feeling of your warm mouth around his cock.

"Fuck princess, so good." He groaned, his hips thrusting upwards lightly, pushing himself deeper into your mouth and feeling your throat contract as you gagged around him.

His hand in your hair helped you guide your head as you tried to follow the rhythm he wanted, alternating between hollowing your cheeks and sucking him and bobbing your head to slide him trough your mouth.

You pulled off, using your hands to play with his balls as your tongue pressed against the metal balls of his piercing, the metal still warm from the heat of your mouth.

"Gonna cum, please!" He babbled, trying to push your head down and you let him, opening your mouth to take him deep into your throat, your tongue gliding along the underside of his throbbing cock.

It only took a little more work until he was moaning and spilling his release right down your throat. You pulled off his slowly softening cock and swallowed, the taste slightly bitter on your tongue.

Lando didn't waste time to pull you up and kiss you desperately, like he was trying to steal all the air from your lungs. Like there was much left to steal after focusing so hard on blowing him you almost forgot to inhale.

He pulled away, his face flushed and lips a bit swollen. Lando's eyes met yours and he smiled, "Come on, I wanna see my girl's artwork!"

want more piercer!lando? send your filthy thoughts and I'll answer them!

[hiraishua]

FORMULA ONE & FORMULA TWO

it’s lights out and away we go

▻ charles leclerc

sunkissed face : with female reader series!

secrets he’ll keep : with female reader part two

ode to the dogs of war : with female reader series!

birthday cake : with female bianchi reader series!

▻ max verstappen

last call : with female reader oneshot!

roses and feelings : with female reader oneshot!

seven : with female schumacher reader oneshot!

blonde hair, lemonade tea : with female reader oneshot!

the cat sitter : with female reader series!

two lines : with female reader oneshot!

too cold : with female reader oneshot!

▻ daniel ricciardo

peace : with female reader oneshot!

girl crush : with actress reader oneshot!

though i have to travel far, remember me : with gn driver reader oneshot!

baby ric : with female reader oneshot!

the 1 : with female horner reader part two

▻ lando norris

6 to 1 : with female leclerc reader series!

you are my sunshine : with female reader oneshot!

wedding bells : with female reader oneshot!

drunk girls do cry : with female reader oneshot!

all i want is my sweet lover : with female reader oneshot!

big dad vibes : with female reader oneshot!

a golf swing and a trampoline part two part three

it’s a match : with female reader series!

in a galaxy far, far away : with female reader series!

dont fuck it, you muppet : with female reader oneshot!

spider-man lando : with gender neutral reader oneshot!

▻ oscar piastri

lavender and vanilla : with female reader oneshot!

best i ever had : with female reader oneshot!

▻ lewis hamilton

the muse behind the camera : with female reader oneshot!

▻ mick schumacher

oh, baby : with female reader oneshot!

▻ lance stroll

sugar plum : with female reader oneshot!

keeping it professional : with female reader oneshot! part 2

▻ ollie bearman

enamorado : with female reader oneshot!

▻ other

little leclerc : with female leclerc reader series!

— features ollie bearman x reader

the lighting on track : with female stark reader series!

— a mcu and formula one crossover!!

| EXPLICIT BASED

delicious : lando norris with female sainz reader

winner’s prize : charles leclerc with female reader

second time around : lando norris with female reader

naughty list : oscar piastri with female reader

[daisymbin]

my biggest secret! - lee seokmin

warnings: none! oh, "dumbass" used once if that counts as a warning?

pairings: lee seokmin x reader

genre: drunken confession, friends to lovers

wc: 1.3k

a/n: this fic might be fluff but irl I'm barking over those abs PLEASE just one chance lee seokmin

drunken confessions series

check out my masterlist! // seokmin's m.list

seokmin was in high spirits as usual, his laugh booming and eyes crinkling as he clung onto your arm, already tipsy and far more affectionate than usual.

“i love you, you know that?” he declared, leaning his head onto your shoulder. you rolled your eyes but smiled, used to seokmin’s clinginess when he drank.

“yeah, yeah, you’ve said that ten times already tonight,” you teased, but seokmin only tightened his grip, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“but it’s true,” he mumbled, the warmth of his breath tickling her skin. “you’re so great.”

meanwhile, mingyu, seungkwan, soonyoung & jeonghan started a game of truth or dare, and soon seokmin was pulled back into the chaos, dragging you along with him, your hands still intertwined. his need for physical contact didn’t go unnoticed, and his friends exchanged knowing smiles as seokmin refused to let go, giggling and clinging to you as if his life depended on it.

“alright, seokmin!” mingyu called out with a mischievous grin. “truth or dare?”

seokmin’s eyes sparkled with a challenge. “dare,” he said, puffing out his chest dramatically, earning laughter from everyone.

“i dare you… to do your most embarrassing dance move in front of all of us,” mingyu said, barely holding back his laughter.

seokmin’s eyes widened, and he groaned loudly. “nooooo, mingyu, why?” he whined, but his smile never wavered. reluctantly, he lets go of your hand just long enough to stumble to his feet and perform the silliest, most exaggerated dance move he could muster, waving his arms around and flailing like a muppet. everyone burst into laughter, the room filling with cheers and claps as seokmin collapsed onto the floor in mock exhaustion.

you couldn’t help but laugh, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. seokmin, red-faced and still giggling, crawled back over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head on your lap. “did i impress you?” he asked, looking up at you with wide, hopeful eyes.

“definitely,” you said, running a hand through his messy hair. he hummed contentedly, closing his eyes and nuzzling closer.

“okay, okay, your turn!” soonyoung said, pointing at you. “truth or dare?”

you smirked. “truth.”

“boring!” soonyoung groaned, but he leaned forward, eyes sparkling with curiosity. “what’s the most embarrassing thing seokmin’s ever done in front of you?”

seokmin’s eyes shot open, and he sat up, clinging even tighter to you. “nooooo, don’t tell them!” he begged, his voice cracking in mock terror.

you chuckled, looking at him fondly. “be careful! we don't want to have to deal with a sulky & pouty seokmin.” seungkwan warned.

“okay, fine. but remember that time you tried to serenade me with that cheesy love song and tripped over your guitar case in the middle of the chorus?” you teased.

seokmin’s face turned even redder, and he groaned, hiding his face in your lap. “why would you bring that up?” he whined, making everyone laugh even harder.

the game continued, the atmosphere buzzing with laughter and energy. seokmin’s clinginess only intensified, and he kept his hands on you—holding your hand, leaning his head against your shoulder, & even playing with the ends of your hair absentmindedly; as if it was all so natural for him. he was practically glued to you, and his cheeks were flushed a deep red from both the alcohol and his constant smiles.

“alright, seokmin, truth or dare?” jeonghan asked, his voice smooth and teasing.

seokmin perked up, a little too enthusiastically. “truth!” he declared, squeezing your hand like he needed the extra courage.

jeonghan’s eyes gleamed with mischief, “what’s the biggest secret you’ve been keeping from all of us?”

the room went silent for a split second before bursting into oohs and curious whispers. seokmin bit his lip, glancing nervously at you. his grip on your hand tightened, and his laughter suddenly seemed forced, his eyes betraying his inner turmoil.

“biggest secret?” he echoed, stalling for time. he swallowed hard, and you could feel his palm starting to sweat. you glanced over at him, eyebrows raised, and whispered, “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

but seokmin shook his head, the playfulness draining from his expression. he was quiet for a moment, the tension thick in the air, before he turned to face you fully. his eyes were glassy, and he let out a nervous laugh.

“my biggest secret,” he began, voice cracking, “is that i’m completely, hopelessly in love with you.”

the room fell silent, and all eyes turned to the two of you. seokmin’s face was a deep shade of red, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears as the realisation of what he said dawned on him. he immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with horror. “oh no,” he mumbled, voice muffled. “oh no, oh no, oh no.”

you were frozen in place, heart pounding so loud in your chest you could hear it in your ears. “s-seokmin-ah…” you whispered, but he shook his head frantically, his other hand reaching out to grip your arm like it was a lifeline.

“i’m so sorry,” he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. “i didn’t mean to say it like that, not when i’m drunk, not like this.” his words began to tumble out faster, voice cracking with panic. “i ruined everything, didn’t i? you’re gonna hate me now that i ruined out friendship like this and-and i just-”

before he could finish, you leaned in and kissed him, cutting off his frantic rambling, hoping this somehow reassures him. his eyes widened in shock, but then they fluttered shut, and he melted into the kiss, kissing you back instinctively, his grip on you tightening impossibly more. the cheers and whoops from your friends faded into the background as you pulled away just enough to rest your forehead against his, your faces inches apart.

“you didn’t ruin anything,” you whispered as you smiled up at him. you pray he doesnt notice the trembling in your voice.

seokmin’s eyes were still dazed, his lips parted as he tried to process what had just happened. “you… kissed me,” he said softly, his voice full of wonder, almost as if he still doesn't understand why you kissed him.

you nodded, cheeks flushed. “i did.”

his eyes slowly lit up as he starts to understand why, a smile breaking through his glassy eyes, and he let out the loudest, happiest laugh, his joy so contagious that the boys around him couldn’t help but smile. he leaned into your touch, his heart bursting with love and relief, and whispered, “this is the best truth or dare ever.”

“okay okay very sweet, really,” soonyoung said, “but I asked you, what's the biggest secret you've been keeping from us, you still didn't answer us!”

“what do you mean?” seokmin asked.

“it means we all knew you were in love with her, you dumbass! it was so obvious to everyone!” soongoing exclaimed, genuinely in shock that seokmin thinks he's slick. “come on, answer us and finish the game!” soonyoung whined.

seokmin’s laughter rang out again, filling the room with warmth. he looked around at his friends, still clinging to you like you were the only thing grounding him. “fine, fine,” he said, the last traces of his embarrassment melting away as he gazed back at you with stars in his eyes. “my biggest secret? it’s that i’m the luckiest guy in the world... because the person i've been in love with for the past 3 years just kissed me.”

your friends groaned and cheered in equal measure, and you couldn’t help but join in the laughter, your heart feeling lighter than ever.

[lackadaisycal-art]

Next in my muppet art series: Statler and Waldorf star in Fuzzy Face

[gguk-n]

She's Not Afraid (Lando Norris x Reader)

Series Masterlist

When Lando had first shown interest in Y/N, all his friends had told him she wasn't the one for him. Lando didn't have the best image as is, and trying to date someone who didn't want to be tied down was rough. He soon realised he was head over heels for her and she would barely even hold his hand in public. At first Lando didn't think much of it and jotted it down to her being more reserved and probably needing more time. But as time passed by, Lando realised she would do anything but be romantically associated with him.

It hurt Lando watching her treat anyone and everyone the same way she treated him when they were out; when Lando was bending over backwards for her. It wasn't only his friends and family who had noticed but the fans had started to notice as well. People had started sending her hate as usual which pushed her away further.

The only time she was even remotely affectionate was in the bedroom and that too had gone down since they barely saw each other. It was gnawing at Lando's mind and heart; he couldn't bare this. His thoughts were completely occupied by thoughts of her. He spent most of his time either trying to get in touch with her or thinking of her. The only time he would know what she was up to was through friends.

Lando thought he was bad when it came to commitment, turns out he hadn't even seen the worst. If he was lucky, he would sometimes run into her at the club, drinking and dancing. Only while inebriated would she let Lando near her in public, even going as far as to show him affection. This would send him into a spiral, thinking about the what ifs and at first he thought she was finally ready to commit and than she'd ignore him like last night never happened. He was losing his mind; he couldn't eat. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't think. She had stopped showing up to races which was the one place he got to see her without her trying to run away.

Months of thinking and breaking his heart over all the possibilities, he decided to set the record straight. He had tried to get her to come over a few times before she agreed. When Y/N reached, Lando had ordered take out. They sat down and ate their meal in quite; while Lando's heart was beating out of his chest thinking about what he would say to her. He had thought of all the possibilities on how he'd start the conversation. He did however not imagine blurting out, "Do you hate me?" He almost comically slammed a hand on his mouth. She looked at him bemused.

He took a moment to collect himself, " Why won't you officially date me?" he asked. She sighed, "I don't do well with relationships" she stated. "But I like you...no I love you" Lando said. "I know, that's what scares me" she muttered. "It shouldn't" he said taking her hand in his. "It's a good thing" he continued. "I know. But I've been hurt before and I can't imagine giving my heart to some one like" she trailed off. "Like what?" he asked. "Someone who goes places and sees people. I don't want you to feel tied or bound." she explained. "I want to be bound by you, in more ways than one" he chuckled. Y/N hit his shoulder. "Muppet" she mumbled. "Please let me in. I want to know what it is to love you and be loved by you" Lando said. Her shoulders slumped, "I want to know too" she replied, looking him in the eye. Lando closed the gap between, holding her face in his hands. "can I?" he asked. She nodded and the pair kissed. When Lando pulled away, "Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked. "Yeah" she smiled at him, "But if I start acting strange, cut me some slack" she spoke. "Noted" Lando said making a note to himself.

[eicsferrari]

annoyance - cs55 smau pt3

summary: you don't like carlos but now he's a williams driver and you have to see a lot more of him

a/n: short and sweet end to the series! tysm for reading. lando changing his user messed this up but i decided to just ignore it for my sanity lol also i had to find a way to add the latest news of franco going to alpine so this took a little longer to post. enjoy<3

pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3

masterlist

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Instagram

yourusername posted a story

caption: date night

replies

↪yourfriend2: what episode did i miss???? i thought we hated him

yourusername: not anymore

↪ yourfriend1: how did it go?

yourusername: really good😭 thank you for kicking some sense into me

✧

carlossainz55 posted a story

replies

↪landonorris: what a great momento to say thank you lando for being my wingman

carlossainz55: thank you lando

↪ francocolapinto: if you hurt her-

carlossainz55: i won't

✧

carlossainz55 posted a story

caption: the best photographer

↪user2: omg whooo👀

↪ user5: you replaced yn😔

✧

yourusername posted a story

caption: a bet is a bet

replies

↪user4: this is hilarious

↪ landonorris: send me this

✧

carlossainz55: fully recharged🔋 and ready for the next races🏁

view all comments

user9: is this...a soft launch?

user8: first pic🥵

user1: let's all think together, who do we know that loves wine and speaks spanish?

user3: this is so boyfriend coded

✧

yourusername posted a story

caption: race day

↪alex_albon: i see how it is🙃

↪landonorris: you are not being subtle you muppet

↪user6: watching the annoyance to lovers trope unfold in real life is insane

↪ francocolapinto: just hard launch already🙄

yourusername: if u insist

✧

♡liked by francocolapinto, carlossainz55, lilymhe & others

yourusername: camera crumbs

- carlossainz55, francocolapinto

view all comments

user4: OMG

lilymhe: so happy for you two <3

lilymhe: also i miss u😭

yourusername: let's get together soon🤍 just ditch alex

alex_albon: you steal my teammate AND my girlfriend??

user8: got a pretty face a pretty boyfriend too

francocolapinto: how do you sneak me into your hard launch and still manage to pick a terrible picture??? but congratulations, good luck with her carlossainz55

yourusername: es tradición !! [it's tradition]

yourusername: also payback for u leaving williams😭 i'll miss being paid to take your ugly pictures

carlossainz55: 💙 ♡liked by author

✧

♡liked by yourusername, landonorris, alex_albon, charles_leclerc, francocolapinto & others

carlossainz55: hermosa [beautiful]

- yourusername

view all comments

yourusername: ily

carlossainz55: te amo

landonorris: you make me sick🤢

landonorris: but im happy for u both

user3: their face cards are INSANE

williamsracing: 💙

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taglist: @freyathehuntress

[2tiedships2]

Harry’s ‘Muppet Face’ series  34/50

[tpwk-formula1]

Biggest Fan - CS55

A/N - I decided to turn the Biggest Fan SMAU I did for Charles last week into a mini series where I use the same idea but with a different driver and different occupations. Please vote at the end of the chapter!

Carlos Sainz x Author! reader

Face Claim: Alex Aster

Carlos Sainz Insta Story

Youruser: How did you come into the office without me noticing?!

carlossainz55: you were quite focused

landonorris: I better get my copy! I've been itching to read

carlossainz55: Didn't even realize you knew how to read landonorris: you fucking muppet

user1: She's literally the cutest! I can't wait to read her new book!

user2: I just know this book is gonna be amazing!

charlesleclerc: Alex says she absolutely loves the book and thank you so much for an early copy

carlossainz55: I just told her and she squealed. She said Alex is her new favorite person

Twitter

Youruser Insta Story

user10: I loved meeting you! You are one of the sweetest humans ever!

youruser: thank you for coming out and supporting!

user11: I wanted to go so bad... fuck living in the US

carlossainz55: I loved being there! Who knew so many people loved you almost as much as me

youruser: I guess I'm irresistible

user12: I just finished and let me just say... Absolutely amazing book! Your best one yet

landonorris: I didn't realize how good your book would be! Made the flight back home after the race go by so fast!

Carlos Insta Story

youruser: Thank you for being there with me every step of the way

carlossainz55: I wouldn't miss your first book signing for the world!

user13: She's so beautiful in person! I took wouldn't be quiet about dating her!

charlesleclerc: Can't believe you wouldn't let us come!

carlossainz55: I wasn't gonna take away from her moment! Bad enough people knew who I was. I didn't need you and Lando there too charlesleclerc: No I fully understand! Just wish we could support her without it being a distraction

user14: One of her best books yet!

Twitter

Carlos Insta

Liked by youruser, charlesleclerc, yourbff, and 2,319,942 others

carlossainz55 My favorite game everytime we travel is seeing how many countries sell my girl's books!

tagged youruser

youruser I still can't believe how many places we visit actually have my books on shelves!

user20 Wait that's actually so precious because you guys travel so much and to take time to look through shops and find her books is the sweetest

user21 "my girl"

charlesleclerc You'd be surprised with how excited they both get when they find one of her books!

landonorris Honestly the most fun part of traveling with you two is going into random book shops and looking for Y/N L/N books

user22 I remember when I first got into reading I didn't think I'd find your books in my book shop but was so pleasantly surprised how many shops sell your amazing writing!

user23 literally learned how to read English so I could enjoy her books!

load more comments

Youruser Insta Story

carlossainz55 you deserve all the good things in the world

user24 I can't believe I was able to get my hands on a signed copy! Stayed up so late to make sure it was in my cart the second it dropped

landnorris so I may have slept through my alarm... if I apply pay you $1,000 will you bring a signed copy to me... PLEASE

youruser why do I feel like this is for your secret girlfriend landnorris YOUR HER FAVORITE AUTHOR OKAY! youruser No money but I'll sign her copy next time we're at a race together

user25 I tried so hard! Didn't realize how dedicated your fans would be

youruser send me an address and I'll send you a surprise! user25 OMG WHAT? Thank you so much!

user26 Didn't get a signed copy online because I get to get my copy signed when I see you in 2 weeks! Can't believe the paddock is letting you hold a mini signing... literally so cute

your insta

Liked by carlossainz55, sabrinacarpenter, and 1,890,092 others

youruser Mexico City you have been so beautiful! A Carlos win and a book signing in the Paddock? How can my weekend get any better

tagged carlossainz55

user27 Stop I know this weekend has been the best time for Y/N

user28 What an amazing time to be alive as a Y/NCarlos fan

landonorris I knew your books were a big deal but I'm stunned with how long the line was

charlesleclerc was so happy to finally be able to come to a book signing!

user29 the way Charles said it was his first book signing with Y/N because Carlos doesn't let any of the drivers come because he wants to make sure all attention is on her

user30 wait is this true? That's so cute

carlossainz55 It was so fun to see you in your element at my work

youruser I loved every moment of this weekend

The End

[soapybutt17]

Too Sweet For Me

Summary: It was the annual Military Ball, the fifth one since you and John have been married in secret. With his new promotion as Captain, meant a whole ball park of responsibilities he was still getting used to—but nothing gets to him more than the mere sight of you, his beautiful darling in the dress he always loves. It was also something to prepare for with the new changes that came to this year’s ball. Character: John Price x F!Wife!Reader. Kate Laswell. Word Count: 2,190 Chapter Warnings: None. Author's Note: this was also supposed to be for @glitterypirateduck's O'Captain challenge but my appendix had other plans for me this past few days. Lol.

Inspired by this song (obviously)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist || Request are Open || Join My Taglist

“Darling.” You couldn’t help but smile at your husband’s pained groan.

With a red backless dress, you know you would turn heads with your outfit and even more certain that your husband would be killing a few men if you weren’t too careful about him.

“Behave.” You pulled away from him as soon as you felt his hands hold onto the small of your exposed back. You turned to face him, seeing him so handsome in his ceremonial uniform, an upgrade since his new promotion.

“I don’t think I can see myself behaving with you looking so ravishing.” He muttered approaching you again and pulling you into another kiss, allowing him this one time since you have yet to put your make up on. “Will this be a problem for tonight?” He playfully warned.

“If you keep your hands to yourself it won’t.” You playfully pointed out pecking him on the lips one last time before turning your attention back to your vanity mirror to put on your makeup. “I’m surprised that you actually plan on coming to this year’s event. I’d expect you to just stay home after the last mission.” You pointed out.

Behind the bravado and the handsome uniform your husband had on, was a broken but healing man that just got back from a mission. A few scrapes and bruises you all know too well were hidden perfectly well, but the black eyes was something that would take more than an ice pack and makeup to actually cover.

“Better to be there to see what those muppets have planned.” He grumbled.

You had accidentally let it slip that there was going to be an auction for this year’s event and you had volunteered to be part of the auction. A simple date that you were certain meant absolutely nothing but it was for a great cause and you couldn’t really fault them with.

Your husband was still apprehensive about the fact, especially knowing that no one was made aware of your relationship to each other. Everyone was given the fact that you were both good friends that had been on countless missions together. It was nothing but friendship between the two of you if you were ever spotted in town together even when the both of you knew it was something more.

“It’s just one date, even Kate is joining along.” You tried your best to reassure him but it wasn’t happening whatsoever with the deep frown resting on his lips.

“Just because I agreed to this doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.” He muttered under his breath, finally resigning by your decision, which you were thankful for. No need for you to try to convince him with anything.

“You owe me for this. I need some kind of motivation for tonight not to blow someone’s head.” He muttered.

And you spoke too soon.

“How about a day or two in that ritzy cabin you’ve been pestering me about for weeks now.” You offered.

One thing you truly hated was being too out of touch with society if you could avoid it. You have to do it for work, you weren’t so keen on doing it in your personal time if you didn’t have to. But your husband just was a recluse when he wants to be and this was one of those many instance that he will have his way.

“Deal and the ring stays on so they know you’re mine.” He muttered.

You smiled, lifting your hand up for him to see the sparkle of your engagement and wedding ring still nestled on your finger. Even without him saying it, you wouldn’t even dream of removing it.

~

The newly promoted Captain John Price should have been at the top of the world because of his new title, but it was far from the reality of it as he watched his beloved wife continue to mingle amongst both officials and fellow soldiers. It still shook him to the core how someone like you could command yet bring comfort to anyone that was privileged to be in your presence.

But that was just what made him love you so much. How someone like you, a Lieutenant to his own position as a Sergeant would never once use your position to demean him or treat him as anything less than you were. Some may say your call sign as Rookie to be an insult, a way to make you less than what you truly were, but you proved time and time again that it was a reassurance to anyone lower than you that you will stand on equal footing as them if the need arises especially on missions.

“Rookie’s already stealing the spotlight.”

John turned his attention to one unfortunate woman he had the misfortune of meeting in his life that turned his whole world upside down. Kate Laswell was an intelligent woman—far too much for her own good at times but she was the best of the best in her line of work. She was one of the main reasons why he was placed in a mission that ended with him finally climbing the ranks.

“As she should.” John agreed, subtle in his comments as to avoid anyone, especially Laswell from thinking anything was going on between the two of you.

“I still can’t believe she refused the promotion.” She continued taking a swig at the whiskey she was cradling, only bringing a craving for one in John himself.

“I’ve heard. I don’t think she’d be a good fit with the paperworks from the looks of it.” He added.

Of course he knew the very reason why you had refused the promotion on your own end. You were in all accounts a better fit than him to become a Captain, a rank that had been a well-deserved position for everything you’ve done but every single time the topic would be brought up you had threatened retirement or AWOL if anyone pushes. You never truly saw yourself as someone that would be working behind the desk, you couldn’t help and navigate dealing with officials, you admit you were never built for such capabilities.

“I believe she is. You should have seen her chew on Shepherd during the last mission. She’s got guts and a heart that not something you see in the field often.”

He nodded, that was what made you special. He watched you now begin a lengthy conversation with the well-known and very much feared soldier Ghost. How you had been the only one to hold a conversation and not trembled at the sight of the monster of a killing machine.

“Why am I not even surprise with her.” He chuckled turning his attention away from you and turning towards Laswell. “So, are we just gonna spend the entire night talking about Rookie?”

“That’s not much of an issue for you Captain.” Laswell smirked knowingly.

“Will I ever live that down?” He questioned, jokingly.

He was once again reminded of the time in his drugged state where he was delirious enough to propose to you after a mission gone wrong. To many it was just him too drugged from painkillers but for you it was an intentional proposal that you accepted once you were alone.

“You’re never gonna escape the allegations, John. I will never allow it.” Laswell smirked finally excusing herself when the MC has begun.

He made his way to this designated table, his eyes always following you. He watched as you made your way backstage to prepare for the auction later on tonight. It brought the never ending dread in the pit of his stomach as the staff began distributing the auction paddle around, accepting his own without an ounce of hesitation.

It will be a long night that much he has come to realize.

~

“One Thousand!”

You had faced so much trials and tribulation during your career in the military. The vile and often times immoral acts that was placed against you during interrogations and kidnapping, but nothing in your life could have given you more shame than to be standing in front of the stage as numerous bids have been placed upon your name.

Your eyes had been following along to the numerous of individuals that were bidding, some were colleagues your husband had been all too certain had hots for you, others were top officials that you were more than certain were pigs for involving themselves in the date auction knowing they were married, then there were the guests that had been leering at you all night long.

Maybe your husband was right, the auction was a big mistake.

Your eyes scanned the entire room until they met the familiar eyes of your husband. The reassurance had settled on his eyes as much as the annoyance but he was waiting for you to give him the signal.

Somehow with a simple nod it was all he needed to do to raise the paddle and his booming voice had silence everyone.

“Ten thousand.” His voice had everyone turning.

It was one of the highest bids for the night and it just had to be from the man himself. The rest of the night had been a blur, after the auction and countless of formalities and empty conversations, you had found yourself in the arms of your husband as he helped you back onto the car.

“You alright?” He inquired cupping your cheeks the moment he had helped you with your seatbelt.

“Will get better.” You assured him grounding yourself back to reality as he patted your cheeks and driving the two of you back to your shared apartment.

The car ride was silent, the event with the auction still playing in your head. It could go so wrong in many ways if your husband did not intervene. It was supposed to be for a good cause, but it did not feel like it when you stood in front of the stage. You felt more like meat being prepared to be slaughtered.

Eventually you two had arrived back. Your husband opened the car for you and led you back to you to your apartment. The silence was consuming you more than you expected it to.

“Want to sober up or not?” Your husband inquired.

You turned to look at him as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Sober up would be great right now.” You sighed following him to the kitchen, hopping onto the barstool by the kitchen island. Toeing off your heels in the process, an unintentional moan escaped your lips from the relief on your feet.

“I haven’t done anything yet and you’re already moaning, My Love?” He teased placing a mug of coffee in front of you, from the smell alone you were all too certain was too bitter for your taste.

“Play your cards right and maybe I’ll be the one to make you moan all night.” You quipped right back, cupping the mug and relief of the warmth washing away the events of the night.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” He smirked turning towards your mini bar and pour himself a hefty pour of whiskey.

“Surprised you didn’t threatened anyone at the party.” You pointed out.

“I could do lots of things, but I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle for either of us.”

You nodded, watching him unbutton his uniform and sit beside you. Your head immediately finding their way onto his shoulder.

“I’ll pay you back what you paid for the auction.” You promised him.

“You would do no such thing.” He ordered. “You’re worth every pretty penny I’ve paid for tonight.”

You blushed at his words. Even in the years of being with the man, he still has his way of turning you into the girl that had always had a crush on the handsome gruff all only had eyes for you.

Your eyes turned towards your hand, the sparkle of your rings was always present and never once did you remove them even at the party. You wanted to keep your relationship private but never a secret and there are days that you wished to let the world know. But now with his new promotion and you having to lead yet another mission with the help of him now, you doubt it would be a good thing to do.

“You’re too sweet to me sometimes, even after how shitty the night turned out.”

“Nothing shitty about tonight. I get to see you all dressed up and all eyes on you knowing you’re gonna come home to me tonight and do whatever their empty little heads could formulate.”

You rolled your eyes cupping his cheeks and move him slightly too pull him into a kiss that you had desperately wanted to give him all night long. The taste of whiskey brought a sudden thrill through your core.

“Plan on showing it to me, Captain?” You purred and the way his eyes blew out, it was all notification you needed to know as you were unceremoniously lifted into his arms.

Whoever thought your husband had a Captain Kink?

[adnauseum11]

Entry Control Point (John Price x Reader)

You spend the night at John's for the first time since you started dating. You have a revelation.

1.5k words

CW: nipples

This has been idling in Teen but the spice level is going to take a jump shortly, sorry if that's not your thing.

You are so used to John’s steady presence in your life that you can almost forget that things have changed between you. Except in moments like this, that forcibly remind you - he’s allowed to have his hands in certain places now. You find his touch creeping up on you, a natural extension of the familiarity you had before. It takes a minute for you to notice it, but when you do -

“What are you doing?” You elbow John in the ribs just this side of gently. His big hand has drifted off your back and is in your back pocket, cupping and squeezing your ass cheek. 

“Hmm?” He’s going for innocent but looks too pleased with himself to pull it off properly. His beanie hat is tugged low and his collar turned up against the cold. 

“Knock it off, you absolute muppet.” You struggle to create daylight between you, realizing belated he’s been slowly reeling you into his body as you walk back to his flat after dinner.

John grins, the expression taking years off his face and making your heart swell in your chest, suddenly feeling too tight. You won’t tell him that though, because he’s pinching the material of your back pocket in between his fingers and tugging you back against his big, solid body. You half-heartedly swat at him but give up, letting his warmth bleed in to your side. 

“Took an entire city block to notice, love.” He murmurs, bending slightly to deliver the words close to your ear. 

“It did not, stop being a nuisance.” You huff with ill-hidden amusement, pausing for a traffic light to change. 

“Can’t help it, you drive me to distraction.” John retorts immediately, returning his palm to your lower back in a protective gesture as you wait for the light together. You roll your eyes but lean into him anyways. You stay wrapped up in him for the rest of the walk back in contented silence, a full belly and brisk night bookending your night. 

It isn’t until you get through the front door of his that you realize the time. You freeze, half your jacket buttons undone as you try to decide what to do. John notices, because of course he does. 

“Bit late to head back to yours now, innit love?” He’s using a careful tone of voice as he stills, watching you struggle internally. You know if you ask, he’ll take you home right now, but he’s right. It’s getting late to ask him to run around the city. 

“Yeah, probably.” You say haltingly, your hands going back to the buttons slowly. John’s working hard to keep the triumphant smile off his face, but you know him too well.  

“John –“ You begin a warning but he’s got his hands up in supplication before you can finish the thought. 

“Everything will be above board, darling. No pressure from me. I’ll sleep on the couch, yah?” His accent deepens and you narrow your eyes at him, undoing the buttons with purpose now. 

“Stop being ridiculous, you’re not going to sleep on the couch. If this is some reverse psychology shit – “

“Never.” He shakes his head and takes your coat from you, hanging it up beside his own. His warm hands fall on your shoulders, massaging gently through your shirt as he steers you into the living room. ‘Unless it’s working?” His tone hopeful.

“John!” You admonish and he chuckles, his broad chest bumping against your back. 

“Just teasing love, just teasing.” He soothes, dropping a series of kisses into the juncture of your neck and shoulder, the mixture of heat from his lips and scratchiness of his whiskers making you shiver. “Since you’re not going home do you want to watch something before bed?” 

He backs off, giving you space to fold yourself into your preferred position on the end cushion, tucking your feet up against the armrest. He leans over to grab a well-worn blanket off the back of the couch, conspicuously the most feminine thing other than yourself in the room. It’s white and thick, still soft despite years of use. It has edges that end in loose threads of yarn and has simple geometric shapes woven into the pattern. You got it for him years ago, an early Christmas present before he shipped out on mission. It has never actually left his flat, so it retains its creamy white colouring. You’re fond of braiding the loose ends together while watching movies. 

He drops onto the cushion beside yours, one large arm going over the back of the couch, bracketing you into his body. You instinctively lean into his bulk, tucking yourself under his arm and taking control of the blanket. He kicks his legs up onto the coffee table after swiping the remote, sprawling his longer form as best he can without losing any space between you.

You are part way through an old Top Gear re-rerun when something finally clicks into place. Your cheek is pressed against the hard plane of muscle that is John’s pectoral, half watching the show and half focused on his steady heartbeat. His fingers are buried in your hair, running through the strands absently. Every gentle tug making goosebumps run up and down the back of your neck, melting you a little further into him. 

The blanket, driving you home regardless of the hour, the previous fist fights with bad boyfriends – it all crystallizes in a moment of clarity as Richard Hammond screams across a rickety footbridge in an ancient Bronco, making the man at your side chuckle lowly. John Price has been sweet on you for some time. He’s just…never acted on it. And you, without any overt overtures of interest had just assumed that was how John operated. Had never seen any indication of anything other than a man chivalrous to a fault. You speculate on his retirement and the timing of his interest, losing track of what’s happening on screen. You only realize its over when John sits up, shifting you against him. 

“You alright?” Concern is colouring his tone.

“Yeah, zoned out. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize darling, ready for bed then?”

You’re loathe to move, wanting to stay cocooned with him while you process your revelation. Going to bed will raise its own anxieties, none of which have anything to do with John and everything to do with your fear of losing an important relationship in your life should this go sideways. Never mind it’s been over two decades and he’s not turned away from you yet. 

“One more show?” You ask, turning wide eyes on him. He relaxes against you again and you burrow into his side, grateful for a chance to mentally play catch up. You resettle your ear over his heart, feeling it’s comforting thump while you turn over interactions in your mind. Looking for clues, the world’s most inattentive detective. You lose track of the show again and are startled anew when John sits up, swinging his legs off the table to stand. 

“C’mon sleepy head, let’s get you ready for bed.”

“I don’t have anything –“

“You can wear whatever of mine you like, but maybe think about bringing some stuff over, hmm?” He’s wrapped around you from behind, steering you down the hallway to the bathroom, reading your mind. He hands you his toothbrush, letting you use it first and disappears to gather a shirt for you to sleep in. You stare at the toothbrush in your hand dumbly for a moment before using it. John swaps you the utensil for a shirt when he returns and goes about his business. You catch his eyes following you in the mirror though. 

The shirt in your hand is soft and familiar to you, an old one won playing darts at a pub. A good memory, filled with laughter and beer-soaked floors. Before you can think too hard you begin undressing, tossing each item haphazardly over a leather club chair in the corner.

You can feel your nipples harden in the air of the room, and as you lift your arms over your head to pull John’s shirt on you hear the clatter of his toothbrush in the sink. A muttered curse follows and by the time your head pops out of the neck hole, he’s gripping the counter and blatantly staring at you in the mirror. All the muscles down his arm are corded, as if he’s gripping the slab of countertop with all his strength.

“Are you alright, John?”

You ask innocently, and watch him swallow hard in the mirror. He nods and turns off the bathroom light, padding slowly over to you. His big palm lands on your lower back, wordlessly steering you to bed. You can’t help the rush of nervous anticipation at his nearness, but John is as good as his word. He doesn’t pressure you and lets you sleep, the both of you settling into his big bed with contented sighs. No, it’s when you wake up, wrapped around his powerful body that you should have had the foresight to be concerned about.     

Next Chapter

[ryjkowiec]

As you know, what they did to Ben this season was the first thing that broke me in this series and after 2 weeks I can say, what they did to him society does to disabled people. Treat them as a thing, even, ha, as a prophecy, symbol, muppet. People would do the most intense mind games what disabled people need to just not ask what they need. People with disabilities face things that Ben faced, the most cruel thing - dehumanization. Deprivation of basic human needs. Assumption of his needs that became an extortion. Sorry, this is the real life everyday of many disabled people, not having control over one thing in their life, the most fuckin basic. They have to live a certain way no matter how much violence and abuse they experience, no matter the pain. Yeah.

[insomniamamma]

The Second Kind: Kermit (snl) x F!reader

A/N: I'm going to start by blaming @oonajaeadira for this one. I bounced head cannons at her and she provided encouragement. We had a good laugh and then I was like fuck it I'm writing the fic. Reader is back where she grew up for an annual family reunion. This is pure silliness that got surprisingly emotional. Woody Harrelson's character is named Scooter. This is the silliest thing I've ever written and I had a fucking blast. Also a FLIR is a type of thermal imagine camera that used by UFO people and ghost hunters.

Warnings: Ugly family dynamics. Politics. One use of "Libtard" (not from Kerm or Scoots). A whole UFO sighting and the terror that implies. Anxiety. A bit of panic. Alcohol consumption.

You knew things would turn ugly. But you still showed up. For your younger cousins if nothing else. The family reunion has felt less like a fun occasion and more like an obligation lately. Doesn’t help that your grandparents and uncles have let Tucker Carlson and Fox News and Twitter hollow them out from the inside.

Everybody’s been cordial so far, but now the sun is down and the fire is bright and the beer is flowing and Uncle Mike starts his usual spiel about how those dirty foreigners are taking jobs from good hard working Americans. You feel your neck start to stiffen, your jaw start to tighten up, knowing that Mike’s got enough liquid courage on board to recite a sermon’s worth of Project 2025 talking points with a heaping helping of Qanon horseshit. Your Aunt Jennie downs her beer in a series of convulsive swallows and grabs another, you can see the vein pulsing at her temple even in the flickering fire’s glow, just waiting for Mike to pause for breath so she can go off. You know what’s going to happen, what’s happened at every reunion since 2016, MAGAts vs Libtards, everyone buzzed and yelling, and then tomorrow everyone will wake up sore from sleeping on the ground, eat breakfast and play softball in the big open field behind the row of tents, and act like nothing happened.

Christ, you’re tired of it. You grab a beer from the cooler and wander out into the field that borders the campsite. You’ll all play softball tomorrow, even though you’re dogshit at it, pick a place in the outfield and hope nothing comes your way. But for now the darkness is inviting and wide, but you’re not alone in it. Two men hunker over their phones, red light reflected up into their faces.

“Fuckin Starlink train, there must’ve been a launch.” “How many of those thing’s’re they gonna put up there?” “Fuck if I know, They launch, what, like every three days? The newer ones are s’posed to be low albedo but I’ll believe it when I see it.” “Haven’t they been de-orbitin them lately?” “I hear shit, don’t know if it’s true or just more fucking disinfo-or” These two, and their muted conversation seem way more interesting that the impending argument back at the campsite, same miserable script recycled from 2016. “You guys stargazing?” “Jesus!” says Mullet, pressing a hand to his chest. “Watchu sneaking up on us for girlie?,” says Beanie, “Kerm’s got that, fuck is it? Generalized Anxiety Disorder and—“ You flinch back and Mullet flaps a dismissive hand at Beanie. “’S’okay, Scoots, I’m good. She just startled me, that’s all. And yeah, we’re lookin at the stars. Mostly.” “Mostly?” “You been livin under a rock or somethin?,” says Beanie, no wait, Scoots? Scooter, like the muppet? “She’s not from around here,” says Mullet, “She’s with that big family reunion that comes around third weekend in July.” He raises the binoculars to his face. “She sure sounds like she’s from around here,” “She is standing right here,” you say, “And she grew up two exits down route 17 from here. Keep coming back for some dumbass reason.” You convulsively swallow half of your rapidly warming beer. “Aw shit,” says Scoots, “Didn’t mean nothin—“ “It’s fine,” you say, “My aunt and uncle are going to scream at each other about politics and everyone is going to get mad, and I’m just fucking tired, you know?” “That’s rough, man,” says Kerm, “Families suck sometimes.” “Politics,” says Scoots, “Don’t matter who’s in charge. Me and Kerm’ve got bigger fish to fry. There’s a meeting about the sightings Sunday at the fire hall. We get some good footage we can report that shit to MUFON.“ “Wait? Sightings? Like aliens—“

“Hey!” Says Kerm, “Got somethin,” and he points up into the black, while Scoots fumbles his phone, narrow your eyes and see something twinkling against the deep velvet of the night sky, grab your phone out of your pocket, just in case, “What’m I lookin at?” “Gimme a sec—oh shit—weather sat—“ “Crap.” “S’okay man, the night is young, Kermit. We got all the time in the world,” says Scoots, presses a cold can of beer into your hand and tosses one to Kerm who catches it one handed, glaring up at the sky, “Kermit?” “He is my eye in the sky,” says Scoots,”He got them eagle eyes, man.” “Your name’s Kermit?” “No?” He rubs at the back of his neck, “Well, it’s uh, complicated-“ “It’s not complicated. This dude sang Rainbow Connection in the fifth grade talent show and he’s been Kermit ever since.” “Can you excuse us for a moment? I need to have a word with Scooter here. There’s plenty of beers in the cooler-“ “What, man? What?” “Come here, Scooter.” He slings an arm around his buddy’s shoulder, “We’ll just be a minute, won’t we?” Kermit hauls his friend a few paces away and silent laughter shakes your shoulders. This is way more fun than listening to your family split along party lines and start yelling over each other. Cold beer and bright stars and the whisper-shouts of your new pals somewhere off behind you. “Why’re you tellin on me like that?” “She’s cool with the fucking aliens, man, I don’t think the muppets are gonna be a deal breaker, dude-“ You stifle a laugh, and admire the broad sky above, the stars look like sugar spilled on velvet, faint glow of the Milky Way threaded through the background. I’m gonna go stargazing when I go back home, you think, I’ve missed this, you think, remember sneaking cigarettes at the end of the driveway of the house you grew up in and peering up into that big black night, home for Christmas break and the stars seemed to vibrate in the cold. Stars don’t twinkle when seen from space, know that from some sci-fi book, something about light lensing through the atmosphere. Crane your neck up and take it all in, but then you notice something, an absence of stars, poking up from the top of the hill across the way. “Still. How’d you like it if I told her why everyone calls you Scooter?” “Now that ain’t fair. We were in kindygarden--“

“Uh…guys? Is this normal?” “What?” “Where?” “Right there,” you say and point up into the dark, “See the notch where the powerlines run? Start there and look up! It looks like something in front of the stars, doesn’t it?” “Oh shit.” “Get the FLIR,” says Kermit, “Get your phone out, honey, we’ve got to document this—“ “What’s a FLIR?” “Shh,” says Scoots,”We live, Kerm?” “Yeah, just make sure you’re recording.” You’re not sure if Kermit is talking to you or Scoots or both so you pull out your phone and start recording, a symmetrical spike of darkness rising out of the trees like a star destroyer. “What the fuck—“ “My name is James Pedro Martinez, and we are recording this footage at 12:55 am local time at Rudy’s Camp and Mini-golf.” “Heck yeah we are,” says Scoots. “What the fuck IS that thing—“ “I’m here with Thomas ‘Scooter’ MacIntyre. He’s filming with the FLIR and, uh—“ You say your name without even thinking it, the darkness keeps rising, keeps spreading across the sky, and you start to feel the hairs on the back of neck and arms prickle up, sick pulse in your belly, low vibration just on the edge of your hearing, feel it in the soles of your feet, in your teeth— “We’re getting some pretty heavy infrasound- phone probably won’t pick it up but we’re definitely feeling the effects! How’s the FLIR—“ “White hot! Their material science must be off the fuckin chain man! Anything we make would be visibly glowing if it got this hot—“ “Look!” The the field is bathed in sizzling red light that reminds you of road flares, one light at each corner of the craft that blocks out the whole damn sky, and a fourth pulsing on and off in a slow throb-- “Oh shit! That’s the drive powerin up—“ and the hum in your ears, in your teeth, in your chest ramps up, your eyeballs seem to vibrate in their sockets, and then nothing. The black shape, the nauseating hum is gone like it never was. Nothing but shimmering stars and muted, if angry conversation from your family’s campsite. “Did you see that?” Scooter runs around you and Kerm in a delirious loop, “Did you SEE that? DID YOU FUCKIN SEE THAT???? WOOOOO!!!!” He does two and two thirds cartwheels and splats flat on his back in the grass like he means to make a snow angel. “I saw!,” you say, “I fuckin saw it! What the fucking fu-“ and then your legs give out from under you like they’ve been switched off, plant yourself with a soft oof of exhaled breath and Kermit is right there hunkered in the crabgrass with you, big warm hands gripping your shoulders, keeping you upright. “It’s okay,” he says, “I know it’s a lot. Being your first time and all.” You look up at Kermit’s earnest face picked out in starlight, his big, wide eyes, twitch of his mustache as he worries at his lip. You laugh. You can’t help yourself, laugh and feel tears slide out, hear the screamy edge to your voice— “Ah, shit, she’s hysterical-“ “She ain’t hysterical! That’s fuckin sexist, Scoots, we talked about this-�� “My bad, sister,” Scooter slaps a cold can into your hand, “Drink that up. And take some nice deep breaths through your nose. It’ll help. Infrasound’s messing with you is all.” You pop the can open and drink. Scooter plops down by Kermit, their faces pinched in the light of Kerm’s phone, his arm stays draped warm over your shoulders.

“Oh this is good, this is REAL good-“ “Good enough for MUFON?” “This is good enough to get us on Coast--“ “Shh!” “What-“ “They’re still arguing.” “Huh?” “Back there. By the fire. They’re still arguing. Listen.” Kermit giggles and then presses his hand over his mouth. —it’s transGENIC not transgender you stupid fuck! 300 year olds aren’t collecting social security, Elon’s 4-chan flying monkeys don’t understand COBOL—what the fuck is a COBOL? Exactly. “We just had a flyover from Spaceball One and they didn’t even fucking notice!” “Hail Scroob,” says Scooter, and those weird screamy laughs try to bubble up again and Kermit gives your shoulder a squeeze, “You where filming too, right?” “Oh, yeah,” you frown, “I think so? Shit, I don’t know. I felt that in my teeth!” You paw through the damp grass for you phone, “In my fucking fillings-oh here we are!” You wipe the dew and dirt on your pants and type in your password, fuck it up because your hands are shaking, shit! Fuck! I’ve only got two more tries and then- “Here,” says Kermit, holding out his hand, “What’s your password, honey?” “He aint gonna scam you,” says Scoots, “Kerm’s an upright dude.” Put your phone into his waiting hand and lean in close to tell him the numbers. “I got you. Here. Let’s see.” You open your camera roll and scroll down. Scooter leans over your shoulder so he can see. “There’s a lotta shake,” says Scooter. “No shit there’s a lot of shake! This might be fuckin Tuesday for you guys but this is my first close encounter of the third kind-“ “Second kind, technically-“ “Dang it, Scoots, I’m tryin to hear this. Can you run it back a little? Make sure your sound’s up?” You do as he asks and Scooter manages to stay quiet, the jitter of sick cherry red lights, mishmash of your voices— scooter macyntire filming with the FLIR- and your own voice in a stream of muted obscenities, what the fuck, what the FUCK, what the fuck IS THAT? “Sorry.” “No,” says Kermit, “This is great. This just backs us up! We could go viral!” “We could go viral,” says Scooter, “You need to get a hard copy though. Physical back up.” “Oh. Right. Would you be okay with that? Coming back to my campsite? I mean, not for anything like that, just for me downloading the footage. Not to say that I wouldn’t, you’re real pretty and all, but this is serious shit here.” “You’re making it weird Kerm,” says Scooter, packing up his FLIR camera and cooler, “I gotta go. Kayleigh’s singing with the choir tomorrow. If I’m late Barbara will tear me a splendid new asshole.” “Give K-Monster a hug for me, yeah?” “Sure thing brother. And don’t you worry. Kerm’s not gonna serial kill you or anything.”

“Jesus,” says Kermit, and you laugh, “I promise I’m not trying to make things weird.” As you draw closer to the lights from camp, fire glow and yellow lights on the cabins washing out the stars, you get your first real good look at him, those deep dark eyes so worried. “We just saw a fucking actual UFO and you’re worried about making things weird? I think that ship has sailed, or blasted off or something. ” He starts giggling, and you do too, can’t help it. His laugh is infectious and wheezing, eyes crunched into delighted crescents, and you end up leaning in to each other as walk, arm in arm like a couple of drunks stumbling home from a bar. “If this is the meet cute what’s the first date like?” “Something with less mosquitos for one,” says Kermit, and you laugh until tears squirt out of the corners of your eyes, but then the peals of laughter turn to choked sobs in your throat sounds an animal might make, sounds that have nothing to do with you at all, prickling metal taste in the back of your throat, low pulsing and somehow bright feeling in your gut, and Kermit takes your hands, folds them up in his and lightly squeezes. “Breathe, honey,” He presses your hands against his sternum, hammer of his heart transmitted through his faded Queensryche t-shirt and into your palms, “In through your nose and out through your mouth like Scoots said. Breathe with me.” You close your eyes and focus on the inhale and exhale, the thump of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest, “You’re havin a panic attack. It’ll pass. You got this.” You're not sure how long you stand in the bug-struck dark, his hands cupped over yours, matching your breath with his. Eventually that spike in your gut, that sensation of being about to fall fades enough that you can take a step back, draw your hands away and swipe at your leaking eyes. “Guess I’m the one who made it weird, huh,” “Nah, we just saw some crazy shit, that’s all,” says Kermit, “First time I ever saw the lights I went home and sat at my kitchen table and cried. I wasn’t even sad, really, it was just a lot, you know? Scared the heck out of my cat. Oh crap! You’re not allergic are you?” “No.”

“This is me,” he says, leads you to an old RV with a deck built up around the door, geraniums and petunias in terra cotta pots. “You stay here year round?” “Yeah, it ain’t much, but it’s mine. I help Gail and Rudy out with maintenance and such, man the camp store for em when it gets busy. They’re getting up there, you know?” “Yeah,” you say, “Always thought Jay Jay would take over for them.” “Jay Jay left years ago,” says Kermit, “Comes home for Christmas and Easter and that’s it.” You think of all the third weekends in July spent here like clockwork, when the reunion was about seeing who could eat the most hot dogs and playing Marco Polo in the pool with the cousins, penny poker and hearts with your uncles, sticky koolaid faces and dirty knees and grubby hands and scary stories told in the tent while the adults stayed up late by the fire. Before everything got angry and broken. The idea that this place might disappear or become something else seems unfathomable. “Hey, you good?” Kerm’s holding the door open for you, “If you don’t want to come in it’s okay, I can just grab your phone for a minute—“ You shake your head. “It’s fine,” you say, “Just got lost in my own head for a second there.” “Happens to me all the time,” he says, “C’mon in.”

Kermit’s trailer is cozy and tidy and not what you expected from him at all, red and white checkered curtains hang above the windows, a beaded curtain divides what you assume to be the bedroom from the rest, the front bunk beds yanked out and replaced with a computer desk and hand-built bookshelves, loaded with battered sci-fi paperbacks, Larry Niven, Robert Heinlein, C.J. Cherryh. A small wooden rack of tiny souvenir spoons hangs by the door, the kind you find in truck stops and airports. “It’s gonna take a minute for this to boot up,” says Kerm, “There’s beers in the fridge if you want. I gotta get some more ram for this fuckin thing-“ Clicks the mouse fruitlessly while watching the loading screen. You go for the fridge and notice crayon drawings pinned by fruit shaped magnets, a school picture of a grinning girl with missing teeth and blond pigtails. “This your daughter?” “Nah, that’s Kayleigh,” he smiles, “Barb and Scoots’s little girl.” “Oh! K-Monster,” “Yeah, she’s smart as a whip! Gets that from her Mama.” His smile turns a bit devilish and you laugh, “I watch her couple times a month so Barb and Scoots can do date nights and stuff.” “You get to be the fun uncle,” “I do! Took her to see Inside Out last Saturday, they do a summer kids series at Crystal City. Bing-Bong, man, I wasn’t ready— Oh heck! We’re up! Here! Sit! I don’t want to go poking through your camera roll unsupervised.”

He stands and offers you his chair, reaches around you to click at the mouse and open a new window and you are suddenly very aware of him, close enough that you can feel the warmth of him, the fan of his breath ghosting the top of your head, low murmured christ this thing is slow, I really gotta- the small space the proximity and you feel like you should be nervous, in a strange man’s home, letting him access your phone, but you’re not, and then the thumbnails fill in like blinking open eyes, and suddenly there’s a prickly weight in your lap, a meow that sounds like it needs wd-40 and a pair of irritated green eyes, little tabby with a ruddy blaze. “Sorry,” says Kerm, “That’s Poppy. She’ll settle down and stop yelling if you pet her.” Poppy turns delirious stabby circles in your lap before settling down, purring like an idling semi. You absently scritch her ears while the cursor turns to a spinning pinwheel. “Found her eating expired hotdogs out of the dumpster behind the store. Gail’s allergic and I’m a sucker so-alright! Let’s take a look!” You and Kermit watch the weirdest two minutes of your life play out, your quavering voice and jittering bloody light like embers or cigarette ends, pulsing slow at first and then flickering and brightening -that’s the drive powerin up, and then everything whites out, a rustle and thump and Scooter’s muted voice Did you SEE THAT??? “Crap. I must’ve dropped it. Sorry.” “No, you did real good! You got our voices! We’ll be able to match up time stamps! This backs up me and Scoots! It’s even better that we don’t really know each other all that well! No one can say we staged it, you know?” Kermit wriggles like an excited child, smiling bright and huge, dimples sunk into his scruffy cheeks “This is so fucking cool!” He says. “Yeah, it really is, we saw a fucking spaceship! Like a real one! Like some Battlestar Galactica shit!” “Heck yeah we did!” His face falls, “I hated that last season though. It just felt kinda tacked on.” He rummages around and plugs a thumb drive into the front of the PC tower, “I’m gonna give you a hard copy. Your video and mine.” “You could just send me the video—“ “Uh-uh. Scoots’d’be real mad. I’d never hear the end of it. You gonna be in town for a minute? I’d like to give you a hard copy of the FLIR footage, but Kayleigh’s got that concert so we probably won’t be able to get together until the afternoon—“ “I’ve got to go home after the softball game,” you say, “I’ve got to get some rest before work.” “That’s a bummer,” says Kermit, presses the thumb drive into your palm, “Scooter’s talking about setting up a Discord, you know for other folks around here who’ve seen the lights. We can keep in touch that way. If you’re good with that. I put my number in your contacts, but you can delete it if you want. I’m not sure how comfortable you are with this whole thing? I mean, if you just wanna go home and forget all about it, I understand.” He hands you your phone and you open it. “Kermit” James Martinez. You send him a smile emoji and hear his phone ding.

“I’d like you to send me that discord link, James. I’d like to know if anything else happens with this?” “Really?” “Really,” You frown, noting the time, it’s nearly 3am and you’ve got to participate in the family softball game without being too hungover or else the teatotaling relatives will judge you, and then seven hours of boring interstate ahead of you, “I should head back. They’re probably drunk enough to be past yelling at each other by now. Everyone gets worked up and then after enough beers they decide that everything’s fine actually. Sorry, my family’s weird.” You shoo Poppy off your lap, now thoroughly coated in cat hair. “I know how that goes,” he says, “I think sometimes you gotta find your own family. Like me and Scoots and K-monster and Barb are family even though we’re not related at all.” He opens the door for you and you stand on his deck, soft glow of the Christmas lights that hang off the RV’s awning. “Hey, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but you need to be nice to yourself for the next couple days.” His big hands enfold yours, “Don’t make any big life changes, you know? First time we saw the lights, Scoots went on a bender and almost trashed his marriage. Its weird but it’s not worth wrecking your life over, you know?” Your first impulse is to laugh, not much of a life to wreck but he seems so worried, those soft brown eyes fixed on yours, pads of his thumbs brushing over your knuckles, your second impulse is to burst into tears, and some of this must come through on your face because suddenly you are enfolded, tucked into the join of Kermit’s neck and shoulder, arm banded tight around your upper body, broad palm cupping the back of your head--

"Hey no no no you’re okay, you’re okay, baby, you’re okay, it’s a lot, I know."

He smells a bit like sunscreen and a bit like Deep Woods Off and a bit like beer and sweat, but he’s warm and solid and here and you feel tears leaking out of your eyes, and you know this is some visceral reaction to everything that’s happened, you know it’s just your body rejecting the field lit up in red and the stars blacked out, and that horrible sound that built and built and vibrated in your bones but knowing doesn’t stop the tears. Or the snot.

"You’re okay. you’ve got his, okay? Breathe with me. Just like before. You’ve got this." "I got snot on your shirt." "It’s okay, he says, snot washes off. This shirt’s seen better days anyway. Can you so something for me?” He steps back and holds you at arms length, hands on your shoulders. You wipe your eyes on the sleeve of your hoodie. “Do what?” “Can you text me when you get back to your house? So I know you made it there safe? I know you got a big trip and you’ve just had a real big shock and you don’t ever need to talk to me again if you don’t want to-“ And maybe it’s that big shock having its say when you lean in and kiss his scruffy cheek, “Oh,” he says, and presses his hand there, “Oh gosh.” “I’ll text you when I get home.” “Yeah,”he says, “Yeah that would be great.”

[insomniac4000]

17 - George Clarke

…that’s my shirt.”

George Clarkeey had always thought his flatmate ChrisMD’s camera crew was an efficient and talented bunch, but when she joined the team six months ago, everything changed. Mia, the newest addition, wasn’t just another skilled videographer. She was funny, sharp, and effortlessly beautiful in a way that seemed to light up every room—or field, in today’s case.

George tried to play it cool. After all, they weren’t just colleagues. Mia had recently moved into the shared flat, taking the spare room that had been empty for months. That meant he saw her every morning, hair tied up, sipping coffee in her favorite oversized hoodie. It also meant he had to bury his growing feelings deep, worried about ruining the easy camaraderie they shared.

Today, the shoot was for one of Chris’s infamous challenge videos. The team had set up a muddy obstacle course in a rural field. Chris, George, and their friend Theo Baker were competing in a series of ridiculous stunts, all filmed under Mia’s watchful eye.

“Alright, lads, places!” Mia called, her voice clear and commanding as she adjusted her camera. Despite the chilly air and the grimy surroundings, she was in high spirits, joking with the group as she captured every clumsy tumble and face-plant.

George couldn’t take his eyes off her, even as he tried to focus on the challenge. She wore a windbreaker and boots, her auburn ponytail bobbing as she moved from one angle to another. Every so often, she’d flash him a grin, and he felt like his heart had been hit by one of Theo’s rogue footballs.

The final challenge involved an enormous mud pit that Chris was supposed to leap over. Predictably, he didn’t make it.

“Chris, you absolute muppet!” Mia yelled, laughing as Chris floundered in the mud.

“Oh, don’t laugh too hard, Mia,” Theo teased. “Why don’t you show us how it’s done?”

Before she could protest, George and Theo were egging her on. “You can’t just stand there criticizing,” George joked, his smile playful. “Let’s see those camera operator reflexes in action!”

Mia rolled her eyes but handed her camera to one of the crew. “Fine. But if I end up ruining my jacket, you’re paying for a new one, Clarkeey.”

George couldn’t help but grin as Mia lined up for the jump. She sprinted toward the pit, aiming for the opposite bank with determination. But her foot caught on a hidden root, sending her sprawling into the mud with a dramatic splash.

The crew erupted into laughter. Mia emerged, covered head-to-toe in mud, her expression a mix of disbelief and hilarity.

“Great job!” George called, offering her a hand but unable to keep a straight face.

“Oh, shut up,” she muttered, accepting his help. Her hand was cold but solid in his, and for a brief moment, he forgot about everything else.

Back at the equipment van, Mia tried to clean herself up. “Ugh, everything’s ruined,” she groaned, peeling off her muddy windbreaker and inspecting her shirt, which was just as filthy.

“There’s a spare shirt in the back,” Chris called. “Help yourself!”

Mia dug through the pile of clothes until she found a relatively clean black T-shirt. Grateful, she quickly swapped her muddy top for it, not bothering to check whose it was.

When George saw her, his breath caught in his throat. The shirt hung slightly loose on her but was unmistakably his—it had the logo of his favorite band, one he’d worn to countless shoots.

“That's my shirt,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

Mia glanced down, her cheeks flushing. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realize. Do you want me to—”

“No!” George said quickly, feeling his face heat. “I mean, it’s fine. You look… it looks good on you.”

Mia tilted her head, a teasing smile playing on her lips. “You’re full of surprises, Clarkeey.”

George couldn’t respond. His heart felt like it was doing cartwheels in his chest, and his brain was screaming at him to say something—anything. But before he could muster a reply, Chris interrupted.

“Alright, team, let’s wrap this up!”

The moment was over, but George couldn’t shake the image of Mia in his shirt. She wore it casually, as if it belonged to her, and something about that made his chest ache.

Later that evening, back at the flat, Mia emerged from her room wearing his shirt again, freshly washed and dried.

“Hey,” she said, holding up a mug of tea. “Peace offering for stealing your clothes?”

George chuckled, taking the mug from her. “I think you’ve earned it. The mud bath alone makes up for it.”

Mia laughed, settling onto the sofa beside him. The glow from the TV flickered across her face, and George realized he was in deep trouble.

“So,” Mia said, her tone light, “if I ever need a spare shirt again, I’ll just raid your wardrobe. That okay?”

George swallowed hard, trying to sound casual. “Yeah. Anytime.”

But inside, his heart whispered what he couldn’t yet say out loud: You can take anything of mine you want.