#mulder. listen to me. they both love you. and so do i. you are loved. live with it

[california-112]

Skinner: Would you slap your best friend for a thousand dollars?

Scully: I would slap Mulder for free.

Mulder, tearing up: I’m your best friend??? 🥺

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

my favorite scully and mulder moments from s6

the long kiss between mulder and hallucination/time warp scully in episode 3, which he says is “in case we never meet again”. she responds with a fist to his face- and he remarks that he was expecting a left hook instead of a right. i will think about this forever

scully listening to his rambles after he's been rescued from the ocean and placed in a hospital bed: “i would’ve never seen you again, but you believed in me” “in your dreams”, she laughs

and of course: “hey scully? i love you” “oh, brother” (fade to black as he cradles where she punched him in the face with a smile... haha, yes!!! the surface-level fluff and then the angst beneath it!!!! GOD!!)

episode 4’s area 51 roadtrip dialogue: “outpost 134. two miles to go” (the driest scully voice imaginable) “i’m allllll atingle”

(and then the heart-wrenching monologue of hers that follows: “don’t you ever want to stop? get out the damn car?”, and his frail insistence that they do have normal lives and nothing needs to change..... wow. it hurt splendidly)

they meet up again in episode 5, and scully can't figure out how to get mulder back into his own body. “you don’t look too happy. don’t tell me i’m going to have to put two kids through school” “that is you in there, isn't it, mulder?” <- sobbing. loudly. to recognize someone outside of their own body....

and when he tries so hard to convince scully that she can prove to kersh the nature of the body swap, never doubting her for a moment, she says “i’d kiss you if you weren’t so damn ugly” <- oh!!!! OH!! OH!

him giving her the sunflower seeds to remember him by when they think they are being separated forever... 💔 but don't worry! everything is okay in the end! thank goodness!!

mulder telling her the spooky story of lyda and maurice in episode 6; she tells him it is a great story, and he told it very well, but she has to go spread some holiday cheer!!!

the skeletons they find in the haunted house were wearing their outfits. mulder laughs: “how embarrassing”. and when they realize it's somehow THEM, they FREAK out!!!!!!

lyda teasing them about their feelings for each other, and mulder’s absolute certainly that scully would NOT kill him, no matter what <3

scully coming to his door the morning after the whole debacle instead of opening presents with her family like she said she would- she’s still shaken up, so she asks to come in (her! asking! to come into his apartment!), and he grabs her by the shoulders and guides her in

and he agrees with her claim that all of the ghostly adventures must have all happened in their heads, trying to push the implications out of both their minds

AND the gift exchange that follows, even though they agreed not to buy each other anything… their giant smiles as they tear into the presents on his couch, snow falling out the window <3 when i tell you i could have cried....

they way they look at each other in episode 8 when mr. hardt describes his town as “sexy through the lens of weather”, as if they were going to debrief and laugh about it the INSTANT they got in the car... it was SUCH a besties moment, i lost it

and all of the many times in that episode they were mistaken for a couple... i'm a simple woman, okay? i like simple things

scully responding with absolute silence when mulder says he is helping mr. hardt find a date (“... mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?” “i will talk to you later!” he declares, hanging up)

scully carefully checking mulder for any signs of concussion while he proposes the wild theory that someone purposefully threw a cow at him... really just an average day for them, tbh

the way they worked together to doctor up skinner in episode 9... he turns off all the lights and dangles a desk lamp so she can investigate... oh, that was a GOOD moment among a list of very good moments!!!

scully showing up to the gym where he was playing basketball in episode 11- he shoots a three pointer to impress her, and she says “mulder, it’s my distinct impression that you just cheated” <- get his ass!! (he wanted to WOO HER WITH BASKETBALL🥲)

she shows up again to the gym after they get in trouble and lose their jobs: “scully, you wanna go one-on-one? we’ve got nothing but time now that we’re on administrative leave” “aren’t you curious what i’ve got in the box?” (<- and that's Them, isn't it? he wants to play ball, she wants to play show and tell with the secret documents, they're both getting in trouble, saving the world, ignoring the consequences of their actions... i just love it)

(AND when she shows him sensitive photos of his father with CSM, she waits for him to say that he is ready before moving onto the next picture, trying to give him time to process his world being rocked... so what if i cry?)

being soaking wet and cranky with each other in episode 13: “he’s seen things i’ve only read about” “because sea monsters can only be read about, mulder, because they don’t exist” <- TELL HIM! 🦑

scully’s reaction to learning he has a waterbed in episode 14 AND his puzzled face when he discovers she was not, in fact, the person who gave it to him (WHY DID HE SEEM TO THINK IT WAS HER?? I'M STILL LAUGHING OVER THISSSSS)

their mid-time loop conversation on the nature of fate and free will: “i think that we’re free to be the people that we are- good, bad, or indifferent. i think it’s our character that determines our fate” “all the rest is preordained? i don’t buy that; there’s too many variables”

(but doesn't that show so much of who they are in so few words? isn't that an amazing view into their characters and how they fundamentally differ? AHH, i want to yell about it!!!)

also, there was never a universe where the two of them didn’t charge into the bank to save the day, because that is just who they are ❤️

ALL OF THE FAKE MARRIED MOMENTS IN EPISODE 15!! the angst in the way she shoves him off of her when all the neighbors leave… but how excited they were to search the house for clues… their dramatic commitment to staying in character… “how was your first night?” “oh, it was wonderful; we just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats”... cuddled up on the couch in front of the HOA president… scully grabbing his hand when he is told he can’t have a basketball hoop… her awkward laughter at dinner with the neighbors when he makes a joke about eating dolphins... LORD. i was the fan they were servicing

and despite all the silly stuff, they work SO well together to try and get information out of the neighbors.... BUT! scully does not let him kiss her cheek when she gets up to leave and it nearly cracks their facade, lmaoooo

mulder’s gasp when scully emerges from their shared bathroom with a green face mask- and then he immediately tries to play it cool!!!

mulder is digging a hole, and scully asks “do you care to hear what i think?” he answers “always” (screaming a little here)

mulder luring in scully to get involved with the mysterious dog-related deaths in episode 16 by hanging up the photos in their office, because he knows her so well. she's ignoring his ridiculous pun as she focuses on the impossibility of a dog doing these killings: “mulder, i don’t have to tell you how absolutely and completely wrong that seems” <- yeah girl, we know! you want to autopsy right now!!

mulder infodumping on cryptozoology to the cops and scully apologizing on his behalf: “animals that aren’t supposed to exist, like the sasquatch and the ogopogo and the abominable snowman-” “don’t mind him, he’ll go on forever” <- the gentle teasing, the familiarity of it all... to know someone enough to know when they cannot stop... her being so used to his nerdiness... it's all so good

scully knows that karin is tricking mulder the whole time. when she tricks him AGAIN into sitting at the hospital all night, scully snatches the magazine from his hands and turns her body away so that there is visible distance between them DESPITE them sitting on the same couch.... ooooo, that angst is GOOD!

(and later, she falls asleep on the couch, and he uses the magazine to gently tap her awake......)

at the end of the episode, mulder is blaming himself for what went down. scully realizes this, sitting on the edge of the desk, saying that karin analyzed him exactly right, and perhaps in doing so meant to pay him the ultimate compliment. he rubs his eyes like he can barely stay awake, and fidgets with a screwdriver as scully asks him if he will be alright. she's not telling him that it isn’t his fault or rubbing in the fact that she knew he was being manipulated- she's just trying to show him that karin admired him, and she means every word

scully gets so SENSITIVE in episode 17 when she proposes the human combustion theory, which resulted in us getting the incredible line “dear diary, today by heart leapt when agent scully suggested spontaneous human combustion”

flirting in the basement in episode 19: “mulder, it is such a gorgeous day outside. have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?” “i have seen the life on this planet, scully, and that is exactly why i am looking elsewhere” (god, that one had me LAUGHING)

then they spend a long time teasing each other, with him stealing her fake ice cream, and oh!!! the way she LAUGHS when she realizes he was looking at archival baseball scores the whole time!!!

and of course, the beloved baseball date- mulder paying some random kid to put the balls in the battling machine. his hands on her hips. their faces are so close together. he talks in a silly voice on behalf of the bat. rearranging their hands over and over again. she’s giggling. “shut up, mulder. i’m playing baseball”

all of the sweet, sweet hurt/comfort in episode 22 as mulder hears wild ringing noises in his head- scully checking him for a fever and trying to get him to go to the doctor. leading him out of the room when he’s in pain. him insisting he’s okay, but being unable to form a sentence and tell skinner about what they found. her trying to cover for him when he accuses skinner of spying on them. and then scully fully believing that she can speak to him without being hurt despite the fact that he is in a padded room, violent, yelling, and inconsolable....... wow 💗

[graciehart]

LISTEN THROUGH SILENCE: An MSR Playlist ⤷ Part Two: Scully

It feels close to you, somehow, to say your name out loud.

playlist / songs ↘

SIX by Sleeping at Last / Similar to with Mulder, I haven't really thought about what enneagram I think Scully might be, but the lyrics of this song are so her. Plus: "I want to believe—no, I choose to believe—that I was made to become a sanctuary." I constantly think about "I want to believe" in the context of Scully because that's very much Mulder's thing, but it takes on so much significance when you think about it relating to Scully (just like Mulder choosing not to believe things takes on special significance as well). Mulder wants to believe in so many things, but Scully wants to believe in Mulder—and she chooses to believe.

RENEGADE by Big Red Machine & Taylor Swift / Very very Scully to Mulder. I mean— "there was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway" and "you fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself, but do you know you're demolishing me? And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave" and "it's time, you've come a long way / open the blinds, let me see your face / you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" and "is it insensitive for me to say / get your shit together / so I can love you." But "open the blinds, let me see your face" really gets me because Scully truly does see Mulder, she sees him better than anyone ever has.

BETWEEN THE LINES by Sara Bareilles / Oof, this one huuuurts. I chose the title of this playlist from this song ("listen through silence") because I feel like it goes pretty well with Mulder's playlist ("amidst the chaos," also from a Sara Bareilles song) and because it's so much of what Scully does while Mulder learns—she listens through silence and reads between the lines. ALSO: "I'm queen of attention to details, defending intentions if he fails." Scully is forever the first to defend Mulder no matter what he does, always from a place of love.

BREATHE by Lauv / There are so many songs that could be applied to both of them, but for some reason or another I choose it for one of their individual playlists (this being one of them). I think one of my favorite parts fits Mulder better—"I should leave 'cause you deserve better"—but overall this song made me think of Scully, especially during I Want to Believe. "You're my all and more, but I need room to breathe."

WATER WORSHIP PRAY by Grace Power / This song also makes me think of I Want to Believe, and I especially love this song for Scully because of all the religious imagery. "How can two people fall apart when they both want the same thing? How can my happiness be you, but I'm not happy at all?" OW. And also: "First peace I ever knew / Can't love you well enough to keep you or enough to let you go / I'd rather stay in purgatory with you than in heaven alone."

IF PATIENCE DOESN'T KILL ME by Alison Sudol / I'm very aware that this is a pretty specific sound that not everyone will love, but I love Alison Sudol and I feel like this song is perfect for Scully so I kept it anyway. I just feel like the lyrics fit her perfectly—"if patience is a virtue, I abound / ... / if patience doesn't kill me, I'm yours." And it's where the description comes from—"it feels close to you, somehow, to say your name out loud." It feels like they constantly are calling for each other both because they want them there and trust they will be there, but also because the simple act of calling for each other makes them feel less alone.

GIVE UP THE GHOST by Rosi Golan & Johnny McDaid / Another song I love (I would've titled this "Quiet the Noise" if I hadn't already used that as a playlist title) that takes on new meaning when you think about it in an MSR context. Ghosts take on a different significance when thinking about Mulder (also, @leiascully just KILLED me with her fic and "I don't love anything more than I love you, Scully. Not even ghosts." Literally what the fuck). Even the very beginning of this song—"come here, it's all worth the fight when it's you, dear." And "slow down, we're losing the meaning of words now / quiet the noise 'cause we made a mountain of minuscule things." And Scully really does quiet his noise.

THE BEACON by A Fine Frenzy / The lyrics in the gifset are from this song and if I could write out the entire song without it being ridiculous, I would. I swear this could truly be a song written by Scully about Mulder. I mean, just starting with the first verse: "You say your time has come / you're tired of waking up / don't be obscene, I can't conceive of living without you / You say you drag me down, no one should want you now / I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say I'm not allowed to." And then, AND THEN the second verse: "you were a child forgot / lessons of love untaught / now no embrace can quite replace the one that never found you / I was raised tenderly / all that was taught to me / I will apply / Your parents tried, but they didn't know how to." Like. Okay. Sure. That's fine.

SATURN by Sleeping at Last / I know I'm not alone with this one because I've seen multiple videos of them set to this song, but I chose to put it on Scully's playlist because it really makes me think of Mulder's abduction arc/when he wakes up in "Deadalive." Just imagine her listening to this song sitting by his side, holding his hand, willing him to wake up. GAH.

YOU MATTER TO ME by Jessie Mueller & Drew Gehling / This is another song I was debating for both of them, but the first verse especially makes me think of Scully: "I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes / they've seen things you never quite say, but I hear / come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you / and I'll stay there as long as you'll let me."

SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME by Sara Bareilles / This song wrecks me and has some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. One reason I love it for Scully is because of the hug at the end of "Irresistable." This is another song I would have considered for a playlist title ("my home, my heart") if I hadn't already used it before. But the way it's sung always gets to me—"my home, my heart, thank god you are someone who loves me," like she's exhaling into the safety of his arms.

I F*CKING LOVE YOU by Zolita / The song pretty much says it all: "what if I let it slip, tell you that oh my god, I fucking love you."

WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT by Emily James / I absolutely love the first part of this song when she says "I just wanna say that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon unless it's with you." What really made me think of MSR was this, though: "'cause we've been busy lying to ourselves, swearing it would never work / promising that we were just friends / it's funny how it doesn't make sense / and then it does." And I love the idea of Scully thinking again about how different her life is, how this is so far from where she thought she'd be, but with a little bit of wonder: "who would've thought that it would've been you?"

[laurencem]

Happy Valentines Day, @daynascullys !

IT IS I, YOUR SECRET ADMIRER 😍 Many moons ago, you asked me to make you an MSR playlist, and this seems like the perfect moment to follow through on that promise. I can't guarantee that it's as spectacular (or artistic) as those you've already created, but these songs all hold a special place in my heart, so I hope you love them as much as I do.

(warning: squee-ing ahead)

🔷🔹Hummingbird (The Weepies)🔹🔷

I think I've shared this song with you before, but it was the FIRST thing that came to mind when you mentioned a playlist. It's the Mulder-iest thing that ever Muldered. He may wander and drift, but there's only one place he wants to be at the end of the day, and that's with her. ❤️

Hold out your hand Yours is the only one that I dare to land upon...

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: The Unnatural

🔷🔹Mystery (Indigo Girls)🔹🔷

This was my squealing fangirl tune of choice back in the day. I want them to walk off into the sunset with this in the background. I want it to be the soundtrack for slow Saturday morning sex. I want it to play at the wedding reception that they don't have because they get married in a grove of trees with only an officiant present, but that's a headcanon for another day.

Maybe that's all that we need, is to meet in the middle of impossibility We're standing at opposite poles, equal partners in a mystery

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Amor Fati

🔷🔹Elsewhere (Sarah McLachlan)🔹🔷

It's the late 90's and wee baby Yeti is in her bedroom, headphones on, writing terrible fanfiction, playing this on repeat. It's an Emo!Scully anthem with impeccable OG run vibes. WHERE MY MAGGIES AT, YO 🙌

But I love the way you smile at me I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near I believe, I...

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: all things

🔷🔹This Is Why I Need You (Jesse Ruben)🔹🔷

In my head this is just wedding vows. I won't quote the whole thing, just go listen, but THIS, your honor. THIS.

You make my crazy feel normal every time

They're both so WEIRD but they're so PERFECT for each other I can't EVEN (bolts for the feelings cave)

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Je Souhaite

🔷🔹Skin (Chris Trapper)🔹🔷

I’ll be kissing you when you take your last gasp of air?  Mulder-coded.  If you break in two or turn into a skeleton, I’ll give you my skin?  Mulder-coded.  You were covered in tubes in a hospital bed, I said I will love you still?  Mulder-coded. Fuck me ALL the way up.

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Redux II

🔷🔹The First Taste (Fiona Apple)🔹🔷

Girl. You could have HAD IT. You could have HAD IT ALL if your dumbass situationship hadn't FUCKING. PANICKED. IN. DETOUR. IN THIS ESSAY I WILL (I am forcibly dragged away)

I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught But daddy long legs, I fear that I'm finally growing weary Of waiting to be consumed by you

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Detour

🔷🔹Why Can't I? (Liz Phair)🔹🔷

Here we go, we’re at the beginning We haven’t fucked yet but my head’s spinning

The way this song had a CHOKEHOLD on me as I devoured every bit of MSR fanfic I could find in the years following the OG finale. Yes, girl, you love him. Get yours.

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Tooms

🔷🔹When You Go Away (The Weepies)🔹🔷

I really didn't want to include any band/artist twice on this list... but every time I hear this song, I picture Mulder anxiously awaiting Scully's return from a weekend trip out of town. Or the office. Or the grocery store. Or the mailbox.

Take me with you this time, won't you, won't you? Don't make me miss you this time, don't you, don't you... We're so much better together, don't you think? I do...

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Chinga

🔷🔹You and Me on the Rock (Brandi Carlile)🔹🔷

Revival vibes for DAYS. They've done it all, they've seen it all, they don't need anything except each other. (Also: Brandi is a goddess, no notes.)

I'll build my house up on this rock, baby, every day with you There's nothin' in that town I need after everything we've been through Me out in my garden and you out on your walk is all the distance this poor girl can take without listening to you talk I don't need their money, baby, just you and me on the rock

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Babylon (HA. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME, GIRL)

🔷🔹Turning (Sea Caves)🔹🔷

Another revival song.  While there is SO much about this one that captures middle-aged MSR (my beloved,) this particular line is deliciously hopeful:

In time we saw we′d drifted far enough Turned to let it go and start anew

📺 Suggested Episode Pairing: Plus One

This list was SO much fun to put together - I hope you enjoy it! Shout out to @calimanc for helping me make sure the vibes were just right 😘

[cecilysass]

Beacon (4/6)

Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic and my poangpal @libbytxf

Malina Knight lives in a ranch house off the state highway that is almost entirely swallowed by the snow-crusted woods that surround it on three sides.

It’s a rustic place that Mulder might think pleasant enough under normal circumstances—maybe a little shabby around the edges—but this afternoon, it strikes him as gloomy and forgotten. The trees shut out most direct light, so the walk up the front path, crunchy with hardened snow, is dark and cold.

There is a child’s Batman bike half buried in the snow. Mulder eyes it speculatively a moment before continuing up the walk to knock on the door.

The door cracks open a hair. “Who is it?”

“Ms. Knight?” Mulder clears his throat. “This is Agent Fox Mulder. We spoke on the phone earlier?”

“I remember,” comes the cautious voice.

“I told you I was going to come ask you some questions about your husband Jim. I won’t take very much of your time.”

“Jim died,” she says bluntly. “They said it was his heart.”

“Yes, I know,” Mulder says, softening his tone. “And I’m truly sorry about your loss. I just have some questions to ask you that could help other people. If you open the door, I can, uh, show you my badge.”

The door widens at once, and Mulder sees who he’s talking to. She’s very thin, the bones in her face visible. Late thirties maybe, long dull blonde hair, unkempt. She looks like she has forgotten how to have feelings.

“It’s okay,” she says flatly. “I’ll help you. You don’t need to show me anything.”

***

“Jim and I met at singles group at church,” Malina says. She lifts a photo off of the end table to show him. “Here we are right after we started dating. Bowling Night. See?”

Mulder politely looks at the photo of Jim Knight with his arm around Malina in better times, lifting brightly colored marbled bowling balls for the camera. “You look very happy.”

“We were happy,” breathes Malina. “People worried, because there was an age difference. But we were always so happy.”

“Age difference?” Mulder studies the photo of the two of them.

“Only fourteen years. It bothered some of my friends, but it never bothered me. Because love is more important than numbers. Don’t you agree, Agent Mulder?”

Mulder lifts a shoulder noncommittally. “Did the age difference become an issue in your marriage?”

“No,” Malina says firmly. She looks at the photo in Mulder’s hand and her expression grows less certain. “At least … I don’t think it did.”

“Ms. Knight, I’m sorry to ask this,” Mulder says, watching her carefully, “but were there any difficulties in your marriage at the time he died?”

Malina’s lip trembles. “He needed some time,” she says. “A fishing trip. Some time away, to let us cool off.”

Mulder considers her wording. “He needed to cool off?”

“Jim could have a temper,” Malina says. “But it wasn’t anything serious, not really,” she adds. “He loved us. I know he did. Everyone could see it.”

Mulder walks to the mantel and picks up a large framed wedding photo. In that photo, Malina, dressed in white, has wrapped her arms around Jim’s neck and is beaming rapturously at him.

“You have a child?” Mulder says. His eyes roam over the photos on the mantel. Jim holding up a baby in overalls. Malina pregnant. Both of them swinging a toddler. “A son?”

“Our son Lyle,” Malina says, sounding like she’s behind a glass frame herself. “He’s seven.”

Mulder listens for a few seconds for any sounds in the house. “Where’s Lyle now?”

“He’s at my mom’s,” Malina says. “I…” She runs her fingers through her long blonde hair. “Well, I’m just not in a good place these days, since Jim. My mom is helping me out with Lyle, until I can get my head on straight.” Her eyes dart around anxiously, settling at last on the floor.

Mulder nods, pensively taking in her entire demeanor. She is, he’ll admit, not quite what he expected.

“They told me it was his heart.” Malina looks up with tears like ice shards all over her cheeks. “Do you think that someone killed Jim, Agent Mulder?” she says, her pitch rising. “Because yeah, our marriage wasn’t in great shape. Jim was unhappy. We were hoping to work it out. But I always, always loved him. I’d never have done something to hurt him. He’s the love of my life.”

The framed wedding photo is still in Mulder’s hand.

His world suddenly begins collapsing all around him as he sets it down carefully on the mantle.

“I think I understand you,” Mulder manages to say in a strange voice.

Malina loved her husband. Her heart was full of longing.

But it was Jim Knight’s heart that was stopped.

“Good,” Malina says. She wraps her arms around herself, nodding rapidly. “Good.”

Mulder staggers a little backwards, nearly tripping over the coffee table in the process.

Malina squints at him. “Are you okay?”

“I …” Mulder’s mind is flooded with terrible, terrible images, images that make him break out instantly into a cold sweat. “I’m so sorry… but I have to go. I need to get back to my hotel. Right now.”

“Are you feeling all right?”

“I realized that… it isn’t…” He breaks off, swallowing. “I’ll be in touch, Ms. Knight. Thank you.”

***

He’s walking so fast to the car, trying to dial Scully as he does, that his feet begin to slip under him on the ice. He has to stop and steady himself, extending his hand with his phone out for balance, cursing.

As soon as he can, he smacks the phone back to his ear. She’s not answering. “Pick up, Scully. Fucking pick up the phone.”

His foot slams on the gas, and he begins to tear too fast on icy country highways back to the Beacon Inn.

Please, he thinks, it might be pathetic, it might be absurd, but she’s my only light in dark places.

***

By the time he pulls back into the parking spot at the Inn, he’s shaking all over like he’s twelve again, like he never grew into the adult he resembles. He forces himself to be steady, to think clearly.

He rushes through the door, waving a distracted hand at Banoy behind the desk, and he races for the stairs, thumping up two and three at a time.

There’s no ghost woman waiting for him in the hall. No living woman either.

“Scully,” he shouts. He bangs on her door. “Scully,” he calls louder. He realizes he should have asked Banoy for an extra key. If she is in cardiac distress, every second will count. He could have asked Banoy to call for the hospital right away. He tries to remember how to do CPR; he thinks he can—

Scully, wearing her glasses and holding a stack of papers, opens her door with an amazed expression.

“Mulder,” she says calmly, “why the hell are you screaming in the hall?”

“Scully,” he breathes in relief, his eyes drinking her in. He wants to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, but he knows he can’t, he shouldn’t.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I—” He realizes certain limits in what he can say. “Why weren’t you answering your phone?”

She scowls, walking over to the bedside table to pick her phone up. “I guess reception is spotty here,” she says. “I didn’t hear your call. Did something … happen?”

Mulder walks inside, his adrenaline still coursing. He feels like he may never be able to stop moving again. He paces a little back and forth to try to burn off his excess tension. “I was wrong,” he says. “Duncan was wrong. It can’t be that the ghost is targeting unrequited love. Because Malina Knight? Scully, that lady loved her husband. If anything, it was her love that was unrequited. Her feelings seem like they were stronger.”

Scully backs up to sit on the edge of the bed, giving him a quizzical look. “So now you think the ghost could be killing people who are the focus of unrequited love?”

“I don’t know,” Mulder says, throwing his hands up. His pulse is still racing. “I don’t know anything about the other victims.”

“And how do you know that Jim Knight wasn’t simply in unrequited love with someone else?” Scully says practically. “You know. With someone besides his wife.”

Mulder stops pacing mid-step.

“You did ask the wife whether she knew if there’d been infidelity, right?” Scully says. She looks incredulous at his blank expression. “You didn’t?”

“I didn’t have the opportunity to,” he says, rubbing his hand across his mouth. “To be honest, I got worried and came back fast.”

“Why?” she says sharply. “Why did you come back? Did you have some reason to think I might be in danger, too?”

Mulder feels like a caught schoolboy. “No,” he says quickly. “No. I came back because until we figure this out, I’m not sure this inn is safe for anyone. I’m just getting spooked, I guess.” He swallows. It was a weak save, but she doesn’t seem visibly perturbed. He studies her. “And everything’s been… as expected here?”

Scully takes a half second too long to answer. “Yes.”

There’s definitely something off in that answer, but he doesn’t dare press more. “What have you been doing?”

“I’ve been sitting here reading through your historical research,” she says. She points to some books stacked on the bedside table. “As well as the myth of Hero and Leander, and the famous poem about the myth by Christopher Marlowe.”

“‘Who ever loved, who loved not at first sight?’” Mulder quotes wearily.

“Right,” Scully says, picking up the poetry book with a sniff. “That line is silly. The poem is interesting. I wonder if Hero was familiar with it.”

“You don’t believe in love at first sight?”

“Oh, I might,” she says, flipping idly through the pages. “But I don’t think it’s the only way to love.”

“Yeah,” he says, “I think I agree with you about that.”

There is a tense, unbearable pause.

“So now we have deaths that may or may not be homicides, inflicted by a killer who may or may not be alive, targeting victims who may or may not be experiencing unrequited love,” Scully says, snapping the book shut suddenly.

Mulder walks over to examine the silhouette of the man above her dresser again. He reaches out his finger to trace the craggy outline of the man’s face over the glass. “Maybe Hero is drawn to longing of some kind, some kind of heartache. Maybe it doesn’t matter if the person is the subject or object of longing. Maybe it only matters if the person is in her proximity. Maybe it’s the wanting, the unresolved, that draws her.”

When he turns around, Scully looks prim and disapproving, crossing her arms.

“But what if—”

She’s interrupted by a knock on the door.

***

Scully, her arms still crossed tightly over her chest, purses her lips in dread at the closed door, making no move to get it.

“Scully?” Mulder prompts.

“Yes.”

She has absolutely no way to explain why she doesn’t want to answer the door, for the simple reason that she has no way to tell Mulder what she saw in the hallway before.

Not simply, not casually, anyway. It’s something she can’t easily explain with scientifically plausible language.

A figure that certainly appeared to look at her and beckon to her. There for five seconds, gone the next. A classic … ghost.

Admitting she had seen this—or that she thought she saw this, anyway, because even now she can’t rule out she was misled, deluded, mistaken—seems impossible just to say. Allowing these words to pass through her mouth is a Russian nesting doll of further implications.

Because what would telling Mulder she saw Hero communicate to him, exactly? What would she be tacitly admitting to? That she just deeply wants to see a dead woman because of her sister? That her subconscious hopes to be able to extend her reach beyond death?

That’s embarrassing enough, but then there is also what it could imply about her feelings, about a possible imbalance in emotional attachment towards her partner.

When he came rushing in like that, she thought he must have guessed. It’s the kind of thing he might do, with his frustratingly prescient mind. She thought he might have even guessed why she might see Hero, and rushed back to the Inn to save her from her embarrassing death by unrequited feelings.

But now she doesn’t think that’s the case. He’s not acting like he really knows anything is different. He’s just chaotic Mulder, who disappears one moment and shows up unexpectedly the next.

“Are you all right?” he says, staring at her with a quizzical expression.

“Sorry,” she says. “Yes, of course. Just tired.”

This is silly. You aren’t a jumpy teenager at a slumber party.

She forces herself to walk to the door and slowly opens it, steeling herself to see a woman standing there with an impossible lack of opacity, speaking nonsense to her about being her love. Instead, it’s Duncan and Banoy.

“Hey,” Duncan says, an expression of curious concern on his face. “We just wanted to check in. Banoy said Agent Mulder seemed to be experiencing some kind of emergency before?”

“Oh, yes— just a misunderstanding,” Mulder says quickly, walking to the door. “Everything’s fine now.”

“You’re sure?” Banoy looks him up and down suspiciously. “I almost called for an ambulance.”

“Yes,” Scully says. Her eyes move involuntarily to the space behind Banoy, darting up and down the hallway without thinking.

Duncan notices the direction of her gaze. “And you haven’t seen anything unusual, Agent Scully?” He raises an eyebrow. “Forgive the expression … but you look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”

She’s keenly aware of Mulder’s eyes on her. “Do I?” Scully says with a tight smile. “I’m afraid I’m not much of a believer in ghosts.”

Of course she isn’t. Not only are they the usual phenomena beyond the reach of science, they fly in the face of her understanding of a loving and omnipotent God. Her God wouldn’t let souls be stranded, unhappily plaguing the living.

You know what you saw. And you know you should discuss it with Mulder.

“I see,” Duncan says. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry to worry you,” Mulder says.

“Well, I also wanted to mention that you’d asked about Gary and Pam, the couple that stayed here Halloween and said they saw Hero. I called Pam this afternoon, and she insisted they come up to see you. Said they’d drop by right after they get off work.”

“That should be soon,” adds Banoy. “They work at the ski lodge, and they said they’d be here before six.”

“Oh.” Mulder seems to perk up. “I’m very interested in speaking to them, actually. Maybe we should go downstairs and wait, Scully.”

She nods, twisting her mouth to mask her frustration. She wants to slow down, talk matters through with Mulder, find a way to broach the topic of ghosts in the hallway on her own terms.

“Let me grab a sweater,” she says instead.

***

Gary and Pam Kromkowski are both young, no older than twenty-five, both willowy and athletic. They stand in the lobby of the inn peeling off their coats, matching sky blue with the logo of a nearby ski lodge.

“We work at Frosty Ridge,” Pam explains to Scully, when she sees her eyeing the logos on the coats. “Gary’s an advanced ski instructor and I do the kids’ lessons.”

Gary flops onto one of the sofas with colored cushions in the lobby and rolls his head back. “Whew-ee. We’re pretty worn out—this is our busy season.”

“We appreciate you taking the time to come talk to us,” Scully says politely, glancing at Mulder, who is standing next to her, looking unhelpfully dazed.

“Oh, we had to,” Gary says earnestly. “After we found out you were looking into those people that died.”

“See, we could have died ourselves,” Pam says, plopping down next to Gary. “We were so close, weren’t we, babe? We said, we have to tell people what happened.”

Mulder looks like he is taking all that they’re saying extremely seriously. He scrambles to sit down across from the sofa and leans towards them, his forearms on his thighs. “Tell me what you mean.”

“The ghost,” says Gary, lowering his voice and looking around, like he thinks Hero might drift around the corner. He clasps Pam’s hand. “I had the idea it would be fun to spend Halloween here, see. We both like horror movies, so I thought… scary creepy old inn, right? Good place for a couple days away.”

“Perfect for Halloween,” Pam agrees.

“Okay,” Mulder says. He seems to be thinking something over. “And you two were … dating? Together?”

The couple looks at one another slyly. “Well, yes and no,” Pam says. “We were… uhhhh…” She giggles. “We were fucking around. But we hadn’t, like, had the talk, right?”

“Right,” Mulder says seriously, like he is considering and absorbing that concept. Scully wonders if Mulder has ever had “the talk” with a woman.

“So she goes downstairs to get our food,” Gary says, “and I am coming out of the shower, and holy shit, there’s a lady standing in our room. Not standing, floating. A ghost. Like, an actual ghost you can see through.”

“Hmm,” Mulder says, nodding. “What did the ghost do? Did she say anything?”

“She kinda stood there in her old-fashioned dress and she said… what was it, babe? ‘Come on, I love you,’ all that creepy shit,” Gary says. “Pam knows because she saw her, too, like five minutes later.”

“I saw her in the hallway,” Pam says. “I was bringing up our food, Chinese. And when I get upstairs to go in our room, what do I see?”

“Ghost,” Gary jumps in emphatically.

“A fucking ghost,” agrees Pam. “And yeah, I admit I was scared. We didn’t think this was real.”

Mulder nods again thoughtfully.

“So Pam came back into the room. And she was completely freaking out, and I was completely freaking out,” Gary says. He looks Pam in the eyes, speaking affectionately. “We had to calm each other down.”

“What had you heard about the ghost before this?” Scully says, trying to get to the point.

“Well, we knew she was the love ghost,” Pam says. “We knew you had to, like, have feelings to see her. Everyone knows that around here.”

Gary runs his finger down Pam’s cheek tenderly. “So it kind of spilled the beans, and we told one another how we felt that night, once and for all. Got it all out in the open.” He lowers his voice. “And I asked her to marry me.”

He leans forward and kisses Pam enthusiastically, practically shoving his tongue down her throat. It quickly devolves into somewhat uncomfortable intimacy, hands crawling aggressively over ski pants. Mulder clears his throat, and Scully averts her eyes. She wonders wistfully when she got cast in the role of maiden aunt.

“So,” Mulder says as they break apart at last, “do you have any idea why you weren’t killed like the others?”

“I think it’s because our love was pure,” Pam says, still gazing at Gary. “Because she could tell we’re soulmates.”

“Ah,” Mulder says with a barely-contained sarcastic edge. “That could be it.” Scully notes his jaw muscle is tense. “You never saw Hero again after that?

“Nope,” Gary says. “That was all. We got married a month later, and now we’re newlyweds.”

“Congratulations,” Scully says formally.

“We just wanted to tell you,” Pam says proudly. “In case our story was important. Other people might want to protect themselves.” She leans back towards Gary, tilting her head invitingly. “With the power of love.” He takes the bait and presses his lips to hers, sloppily kissing her again.

Scully holds herself back from rolling her eyes. “We appreciate your assistance,” she says loudly. “I’m sure you’re very tired—”

“Pam, before you saw the ghost,” Mulder interrupts as the couple pulls apart, “you experienced … some kind of longing for Gary? And you for Pam, Gary? Would you say that’s accurate?”

Pam smirks. “Longing, sure,” she says. “If that’s what you wanna call it.” She giggles a little again, running her hands up Gary’s chest.

“I’ve got something longing for you right here, babe,” Gary growls playfully in a low voice.

“Thank you for your time,” Scully says, very weary of this, walking towards the door. “We’re grateful for your help.”

Even if it’s no help at all, she thinks darkly. She isn’t sure these two even saw the ghost. Like Duncan, she is suspicious that this is a little too good of a proposal story.

Mulder has apparently been deep in thought, staring steadily across the room, and looks vaguely surprised to see that the Kromkowskis are leaving. “Oh yeah … thank you,” he says vaguely, still staring. “Happy holidays.”

He doesn’t stand to walk them out, flopping back instead in the chair he is sitting in. Scully feels another twinge of irritation as she leaves him to his sprawl.

***

It feels like he’s losing his mind. One second he is sitting here talking to the Kromkowskis, and the next moment, he spots her out of the corner of his eye. Staring at him, silently, across the room.

Hero doesn’t say a word this time or move a transparent muscle. She only stands tall and straight, her expression something between judgmental and sorrowful. Mulder can do nothing but let his attention be completely distracted. He can do nothing but stare back at her in shock.

The Kromkowskis don’t see her, and they are sitting where they would have, if she were visible to them. It seems clear their vulnerability to ghostly murder was cured by eliminating their longing. How lucky can you be, he thinks, to have the yearning of your heart satisfied like that. Do the Kromkowskis even understand their good fortune? What happened to them was something that was probably not possible in the other cases. It’s certainly not possible in his own.

Of course Scully doesn’t seem aware of Hero’s presence either, although she doesn’t ever turn that direction. Maybe the best he can hope for from any of this is that it’s only him who dies.

It’s funny, he thinks, that he started this case hoping that she wouldn’t quit, and now he’s just happy if she survives him.

As he slumps in his seat in despair, his gaze irrevocably held by the strange countenance of a dead woman, he begins to hear something. Or so he thinks. He listens hard. A hushed roar in the distance, rising and falling. He pays close attention, but he can’t decide if it’s really there or if it’s his own troubled imagination.

The Kromkowskis leave, and Scully walks back to him, her mouth pinched in annoyance. He sits up and forces himself to look at her.

“Do you hear something, Scully?” he says, trying to sound nonchalant.

She tilts her head and listens, scowling. “No,” she says. “What do you hear?”

When he glances anxiously back across the room again, Hero is gone. The rushing sound has vanished.

***

[actual-changeling]

I think in like. 90% of "they're handcuffed to each other" scenarios, they would not care. It would barely affect their work at all. They'd keep them on even once they have the key because this is the perfect 'for the love of God, do NOT get kidnapped again' insurance.

However.

There are those delicious 10% right in the middle of the Diana mess that would make for the most painful, angsty, hurt/comfort fic you can imagine. Arcadia, but turned up to 11.

This was not supposed to be anything resembling said fic and instead stay a shitpost—but here we are.

———

They're fighting over who gets to be in charge of movement immediately, and they do not stop . They keep tripping because they decide to suddenly walk in two different directions, and their wrists are chafed and bloody.

They keep going like that for a while until their lack of coordination and teamwork almost gets them killed, and then they're stuck hiding in a small, dark space, forced to TALK.

Imagine a janitor's closet or a small, windowless bathroom.

First, there's silence.

Then, one of them dares to say a word, and suddenly they're at each other's throats, going straight for the jugular.

Petty fighting turns into insults, which turn into months of pent-up emotions spilling out without any control over how, and they both say things they'll definitely regret later on.

Until it finally reaches a breaking point when Mulder—annoyed, frustrated, confused—cuts her off and says, "You're making it personal again, Scully."

Her mouth closes with an audible click, and she freezes before shuffling as far away from him as she possibly can. He realises he has fucked up. A lot.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Oh, you meant it, Mulder; don't backpedal. You meant it now, and you meant it back then too."

"Scully—"

"Shut up."

She's exhausted. So fucking tired. You made me a whole person to get her to stay, and she'd believed him. Damn it all, she had believed him. Just for him to turn it into a lie and destroy her trust within seconds.

"What does it take? For this thing to come up and bite you on the ass? I saw these creatures. I saw them burst to life. You would've seen them, too, but you were infected with that virus. You were passed out over my shoulder."   "Mulder, I know what you did. I know what happened to me, but without ignoring the science, I can't… Listen, Mulder. You told me that my science kept you honest. That it made you question your assumptions. That by it, I'd made you a whole person. If I change now… it wouldn't be right or honest."   "I'm talking about extraterrestrial life alive on this planet in our lifetime. Forces that dwarf and precede all human history. I'm sorry, Scully, but this time your science is wrong."

He had walked away from her without a second of hesitation, and she wishes she could walk away from him now.

Six years of loyalty and trust, and for what? To end up as the second-best, easily forgotten choice? To be wanted not for herself but as a placeholder, a substitute for someone else?

Forgiveness, over and over, without hesitation, and Mulder took it for granted. Of course, she will do what he wants. Even when he goes behind her back. Even when he tricks her into it. Even when he leaves her behind with barely a word. Even when she has no reason to do it except because it's him.

Because it's personal.

It has always been personal, but suddenly it's a fallacy she spun out of nothing and not the foundation of their partnership.

"I shouldn't have said that, Scully, i—"

I'm asking you to trust my judgment. To trust me.

"Mulder, shut. up."

He hadn't trusted her. She still trusts him and hates herself for it. What's the point of trusting someone when the reward is rejection and loneliness? When he stopped trusting her God knows how long ago?

The skin on her right wrist burns with abrasions, but she refuses to budge. Pain is sharp and honest, grounding and constant. She trusts pain more than she trusts him.

Time is hard to tell in the dark, it could be minutes or hours of waiting until she can feel his fingertips brush against her palm; she suppresses the urge to flinch. Mulder's touch is warm and light, not meant to ask but to offer, and her body betrays her mind and allows him to interlace their fingers.

God, she misses him. 

Underneath all that bubbling anger and lingering betrayal, she misses her partner. She misses him and the person she knows she can be with him—lighthearted, happy, alive. Contented hours of searching through files and writing reports have become a necessary sacrifice; suffocating spans of time she counts down by the minute.

It was never about the desk. It is not about Diana, not really. 

Maybe the darkness makes them both a bit braver, a bit softer around the edges, because she lets out a deep sigh and wills the tension to leave her muscles. If they keep going the way they have in recent weeks, they will break apart sooner rather than later, and she doesn't want to lose him, she never has. 

All she wants is to get her best friend back and to keep him for however long the world will allow. Not a clean slate or a new beginning, but a second chance for both of them. 

Caught between either extending an olive branch or ending up alone, it is easy to choose. Because it's personal, always has been, and always will be.

The pressure around her wrist disappears when she stops trying to keep her arm from him, and he hesitantly squeezes her hand—she slowly squeezes back.

"I'm sorry. for all of it. I never meant to hurt you, but I did, and I'm so, so sorry."

Scully pushes herself backward so she is leaning against him again, and when she closes her eyes, she can almost pretend they're somewhere, anywhere else, and she's finally coming home.

"I know, Mulder. I know."

[sigritandtheelves]

Moment of Hope

1.5k wds | PG13 | msr, scenes in between, season 9, “Trust No 1”

God help me because I HATE season 9, but I watched “Trust No 1” last night (there was some factoid I was after in the “Dearest Dana” letter exchange), and I got mad about it all over again. This ep is especially cruel when you consider where the rest of the season goes (“Some day you’ll ask me, my son…” etc.) but I’m not ever going to deal with that except in fix-its. Anyway, it occurred to me that at the end of the ep, both Mulder and Scully are in the quarry. We don’t see how either of them gets out, so presumably… they could have found each other there, at least temporarily.

Indulge me. 🤷‍♀️

—

In the presence of the quarry’s iron, whispers of an old gift come back. He can hear her fright: mortal terror in the face of a monster worse than anything they ever hunted together. But the mind of the thing that follows her is an echoing void—like a high-pitched whine. She’s screaming at it, demanding answers, which Mulder can hear with both his mind and ears—she's some yards away, in the box canyon made by the digging.

The thing will kill her, without hesitation, to get to him. How stupid he was to think they could possibly be safe. It’s suicide, but he runs toward her, toward the danger that wants him dead. Between her death and his, there isn’t even a choice.

And then, something strange. The whine gets higher-pitched, begins to vibrate like a string pulled tight and plucked. The tension builds until, like a bowstring released, there's an explosion of rock and dust. The vibration is gone. The monster is dead.

Mulder listens for any others, fellow soldiers who might be following—hunting him. But there’s nothing. He sprints through the flat plane of rock, through the hulking monoliths of digging equipment and trucks. He hears her footsteps and they are so close—she is so close. “Scully!”

The footsteps stop. “Mulder?”

“I’m here!” He jogs toward her voice, and suddenly there she is—stunning, perfect, beautiful, his Scully. They crash into each other, and he throws his arms around her. She is sobbing against him, gripping his coat, shoving her face against his shirt.

“Oh god,” she chokes out. “Oh, Mulder.”

He can’t speak. He can hardly breathe. Instead he squeezes his eyes closed and presses his lips to her hair. It’s longer now. He lets his fingers slip through it, cup the back of her head. He puts only enough room between them so he can bend his face down and kiss her.

Theirs is the desperate love of the perpetually endangered, and this kiss is no different. He swallows her fear as best he can, devours the anguish of their terrible separation. Being away from her is the worst and hardest thing he’s ever done. “Scully,” he says into her mouth. “Dana.”

She lets out another little sob, then brings her hands to his face. She holds his cheeks, looking at him in the dusty moonlight of the quarry. “You’re really here,” she says.

He drops his forehead to hers. “Scully, are you safe? Are you okay?”

“I think so. That thing, that man—he was going to kill me, I think, or he wanted to kill you. He said either you or William has to die, which doesn’t make any sense, Mulder.”

“It might,” he says. “Because of the rock. The iron.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He died, right? The rock wall of the quarry killed him.”

“I—yes. He just kind of exploded into the rock, like it was a magnet. It pulled him into it.”

Mulder nods. “The iron does something to me, too. When I’m near it, I can hear thoughts again. I can hear yours.”

Her eyebrow goes up. “Right now?”

Another nod.

“What am I thinking?”

He listens for a moment, and then smiles. “You’re thinking, Mulder you’re crazy.”

She bites her lip. “What else?”

“You’re crazy, but I love you.”

Her smile is the best thing he’s seen in months. Then her expression shifts, brow furrowing. “But what does that mean, Mulder? What does it have to do with William?”

“I could hear the supersoldier, too, Scully. Not what he was thinking, but the sound of him. Like a…” He holds his hand beside his ear and twists it back and forth. “A kind of vibration. And I think William will be able to do the same, maybe even without being near the rocks. That’s why we’re a threat to them.”

“William can do those things because of you?”

“Because of both of us.” He drags a thumb over her cheek. “You had the vaccine too. You touched the artifact, the ship in Africa.”

“William is different,” she confesses. He can see how hard it is for her to say and thinks maybe she’s never said it out loud before. He watches a crestfallen tilt emerge on her lips and brow. “So he’ll always be in danger, won’t he? You both will.”

This, it seems, is the impossible choice, the terrible price they have to pay for keeping them all alive: that they will never be together as a whole family unit.

But now they have something they didn’t before. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true, Scully.” She tilts her head, a look of both despair and expectation on her face. “Now we know how to find them,” he says. “And now we know how to kill them.”

At that moment, more footsteps come barreling toward them across the gravel, so they pull apart quickly, preparing for a fight.

“Agent Scully!”

But it’s only Monica and John.

“Over here,” Scully calls before holstering her gun and falling back against Mulder’s chest. He hooks his arm around her waist, kisses the top of her head.

“Mulder!” Monica cries. Both of the other agents look surprised to see him. "Why are you still here?"

“It's the safest place to be. Maybe the only safe place to be.”

Doggett and Reyes look at each other in confusion.

“The Shadow Man is dead,” Scully says. “We might have found a way to kill them.”

It’s good news, and Mulder should be happy about it. But standing here beside Scully is breaking his heart because the longer he stays, the harder it will be to leave again. There may be no more of these monsters in the quarry, but there are hundreds of them in D.C.

Scully digs her keys out of her jacket pocket. “I’ll explain in the car,” she says, walking toward the sedan parked near the site’s entrance. When she notices that Mulder isn’t following, she stops. Now she’s standing with Doggett and Reyes, and he is apart from them, clenching his jaw, his fist, every muscle in his body, it seems. “Mulder?”

He doesn’t want to do this again. He can’t. A steady stream of no no no no no goes through his head and they’re still in the quarry so he can hear Scully, too—figuring it out, realizing, shifting from hope to dread.

Oh no. No no. Mulder, please come with me, I need you, I can’t do this anymore, please please I need you, I can’t, no no, you have to stay you have to come with me you have to see William he needs you too and I’m so lonely, god please I love you Mulder you have to stay don’t do this to me again—

And it almost breaks him, cracks something inside him, and he has to turn away from her to speak. “I can’t, Scully.”

She’s rushing back to him, pulling his arm, turning him so he has to see the pain on her face. “Mulder, please. You said it yourself, we know how to find them now. We know what kills them.”

He’s shaking his head, but it’s so painful to refuse. “It’s not safe. I don’t want to get you hurt.” He takes her face in his hands and bends down to kiss her again. He pours all of his love into it, all of his hope that they will be together soon. When he’s alone again in a run-down trailer in the middle of nowhere, when he’s missing her so much that it physically hurts his chest, maybe he can draw from this. He feels the love pouring off of her not in words but in waves and waves of emotion. He feels her fear and her desperation and her sadness too, but mostly her love.

She breaks the kiss this time because she’s crying, and her breath hitches. Monica and John have turned away to give them privacy, but Mulder glances over at them. “You three have the tools now,” he says. “It's time to figure out a weapon, and when we know how to fight them, you come find me. Look for the iron, Scully, and that’s where I’ll be. That’s where the fight will be.”

She nods her head, but he can feel how much it hurts her to agree. “It’ll be soon, Mulder. We’ll work fast. I can’t do this for much longer.”

“Neither can I.” He wipes another round of tears from her cheeks. “I love you, Dana.”

She reaches into her pocket before he can force himself to back away and says, “Wait.” She’s holding a flat square of paper. “This is for you.”

He takes it from her. It’s a photo of William, chubby-cheeked and smiling in her arms, though her face is not quite visible in the frame. He bites his tongue until it bleeds to keep from crying, from giving in and saying he will stay. “Thank you,” he manages.

Scully looks at him like he is ripping her heart in half, which he supposes he is. I love you, she mouths silently.

He begins to back away and tries to smile, but it falls flat. “Write me another email,” he says. “They’re monitoring everything. Make them think I never saw you, okay?”

She nods, tears streaming freely down her face now. He turns, and he leaves half of his own heart behind.

— End —

Okay, that was way sadder than I thought it would be—initially I thought I’d write some kind of smut against the quarry rocks fic, lol, but that seemed slightly out of character. Anyway IN THIS UNIVERSE THE EPISODE “WILLIAM” NEVER HAPPENS and the show follows a logical plot line around the supersoldiers in which the X-Files team actually studied the iron and figured out how to kill them (why didn’t they do this on the show???) and Mulder could come back. Because honestly what the fuck was going on the rest of the time in that season?

TY for reading my middle-of-the-night word puke. 🛸❤️

[atths--twice]

Imagine The X-Files reboot happens. We’re introduced to new agents working in the basement. They find themselves stumped on a case and they look at one another and nod.

Cut to a coffee shop and we see Mulder and the agents. He’s smiling, looking at the file, and thinking of so many things as he listens to them.

“Wow. The case sounds incredibly interesting. I definitely would be all in a few years ago. But now…” He checks his watch and smiles again. “I gotta pick my daughter up soon. I’ll offer what advice I can, but I can’t be late for her.”

When he leaves, we see him watching them, somewhat wistfully, but then his watch beeps with a previously set alarm to pick up his daughter. At the same time, he gets a message from Scully about dinner, asking if he’s still cooking or if he wants her to pick something up on her way home. He grins and nods his head, knowing he’s made the right choice.

And then maybe a young female agent comes to the hospital seeking out Scully, needing some additional advice. She hints at what she knows of Mulder and Scully.

“Oh,” Scully laughs softly, shaking her head. “You have no idea.”

And she crosses her arms and we see that she’s wearing a wedding ring.

These two deserve happiness and family and love- everything they haven’t been able to have. I would love to watch a new group of people working cases so long as the story is good and the chemistry is there.

And if we got to have little chances to look in to Mulder and Scully‘s life… yes please. ❤️

Let me make an addition especially for @baronessblixen because I completely agree with her. 💕💕

I want to see them with their kid. I want to see them enjoy their time with her. Maybe we see her schooling the agents somehow and Scully looks at Mulder and he looks at her and they both say “that’s all you” and then everyone laughs.

I want to see both of them interact with her together doing something as simple as just being at home. Like I NEED it so badly. If we got that, like the “what if” scenarios we saw in the revival, (minus the alien aspect of it) I would be so incredibly happy. ❤️❤️

[baronessblixen]

Fictober Day 12: The Sweetest Tune

Prompt: "Did you hear that?"

It's late at the Hoover building and Mulder hears a noise… Rating: T, wc: 1,013

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober24

“Did you hear that?” Mulder whispers, putting her hands on her shoulders. It’s 10 p.m. on a Friday and they’re on their way out of the Hoover building. Any noise they might hear won’t be good news.

“Hear what?” she asks, not lowering her voice.

“This,” he says, pointing up.

“Mulder, it’s late and we’re-” he silences her, putting a finger on her lips. He keeps it there, willing her to listen. All she can hear is Mulder’s breathing and her own heartbeat. It drowns out everything else. Her other senses are at high alert; Mulder’s finger is salty and the feel of it against her lips makes her thirsty.

“Do you really not hear that?” His voice is low, his face close to hers.

“I don’t,” she replies in a whisper.

“Someone is singing.”

“You’re imagining things,” Scully says, stepping forward, her heels clicking on the floor.

“Take off your shoes.”

“Excuse me?” She stares up at him.

“We need to investigate,” he mumbles, helping her slip out of her shoes. She can’t believe she’s doing this. As crazy as he might be, she’s not much better. “Let’s go.” He steers her as they make their way through the abandoned hallway. Scully glances up at the ceiling, wondering if any security cameras are catching this. If so, they will surely become water cooler topic number one again.

“There,” Mulder says. Before now, Scully hasn’t paid attention to where they are. Her focus has been on getting out of here. Who works until 10 p.m. on a Friday night anyway? Only Agents Mulder and Scully.

“This is Kersh’s office,” Scully hisses, and Mulder nods, his eyes huge.

“It’s coming from inside.” She can only watch as Mulder presses his ear against the door. His open mouth transforms into a smile and if she wasn’t so scared of getting caught – by Kersh, of all people – she might think of Mulder as adorable.

“Mulder, we need to leave.”

“He’s singing, Scully. Come here.” She shakes her head, not moving. “You want to hear this.” He holds out his hand to her and it’s his smile that wins her over in the end. Doesn’t it always? She takes his hand and lets herself be drawn to his side. There’s no reason for them to stand there tangled together, both with their ears pressed against the door. At first, Scully doesn’t hear it. She’s this close to calling Mulder out for hearing things that aren’t even there when she catches the voice.

“There.” Mulder’s mouth is against her neck and his voice is a low murmur, sending goosebumps all over her body. “Do you hear it?” She’d hear it better without his proximity distracting her. But there it is again. A man’s voice. Unmistakably their boss, A.D. Kersh. Now she understands why Mulder is smiling. She turns, her mouth hanging open in surprise. Hearing him sing is one thing, but hearing him belt out a cheesy ballad in perfect pitch is quite another.

“And you thought I was crazy.” Mulder is grinning from ear to ear as they continue to listen to Kersh’s surprisingly smooth voice. Scully tugs at Mulder’s sleeve to get his attention.

“Let’s go.”

“We’re almost at the great finish,” he mouths. “Listen.” Scully does listen, but more than that, she’s watching Mulder, unable to hide her giggle as he closes his eyes, mouthing the words along. Who would have guessed that Mulder knows the lyrics to “I Will Always Love You” by heart? Kersh hits all the notes behind the door, but out here, Scully is mesmerized by Mulder. His eyes pop open again, twinkling with warmth and amusement. The song ends, with Kersh still humming along. Scully doesn’t have Mulder’s bat-like hearing, but it distinctively sounds as if their boss’s voice is coming closer to the door.

“Mulder,” she insists, tugging at his sleeve again.

“We need to run,” he says and a moment later, they do. One of her shoes slips out of Mulder’s hands on their way to the elevator and he sprints back to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Scully is giggling, trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Stairs,” Mulder says when the elevator takes its sweet time. Scully groans, but follows him into the stairwell. They’re standing there, both out of breath, grinning at each other.

“Do you think he knew anyone was listening?” Scully asks, trying to catch her breath.

“No. He was in the zone. Who knew, huh? We only ever hear him bark at us and here he is putting Whitney Houston to shame. What about you, Scully?” He hands her her shoes back, but she’s not putting them back on. Mulder raises an eyebrow but says nothing. They make their way down the stairs.

“What about me?” she asks.

“Are you hiding a singing talent?”

“Mulder, you’ve heard me sing,” she reminds him. “I can’t carry a tune.”

“You carried that tune, Scully,” he says with a wistful look and she glares at him. “You have a nice voice. I mean you’re no Alvin Kersh, but who is?” His grin returns. “Maybe you could give an encore?” They’re almost downstairs now. What a Friday night. Once upon a time, her friends would call and ask her to meet them after work, get a drink, and maybe go dancing. But how can she feel like she’s missing something when she has a Mulder? Who’s invading her personal space while wearing the world’s cutest grin?

“I only sing when we’re lost in the woods,” she says, playing along. Before entering the parking garage, she puts on her shoes again. Mulder waits for her, playing with his car keys.

“So if I find us another-”

“Don’t push your luck, Mulder.”

“Just in case,” he promises. “If we ever do find ourselves in the forest again, you’ll sing.”

“Fine,” she says, but only because she wants to go home.

“It’s a date then,” Mulder says. “See you Monday, Scully.” He jogs off and she stands there, wondering what she’s agreed to.

Did he just say date?

[unremarkablehouse]

Scully’s Hot Date Ch 2

MA | S6 | WC 2,720 | AO3 | ch 1

Summary: Mulder and Scully go on her blind date- with Derek.

Tagging: @today-in-fic

Scully walked out of the restroom of the Hoover lobby looking perfectly put together; not a hair out of place. Mulder waited for her casually by the restroom door, leaning on the wall still looking disheveled. While his hair was no longer sticking up every which way and he’d rolled his shirt sleeves up; he had failed to wipe all the lipstick marks off his neck and face. Scully chuckled as she took in his love drunk expression and got a tissue from her purse to clean him up.

“Mulder, did you even try to remove the lipstick marks?”

“Why would I want to remove them,” he asked as he moved his head down so Scully could reach him easier. 

As she cleaned by his neck he whispered to her, “I see these marks as a badge of honor. Do you know how many times I’ve stared at those lips and wanted to kiss them?” 

The tension between them grew and Mulder moved to kiss Scully, only to be stopped by her hand. 

“Cameras,” she whispered, and Mulder gave a nod and kissed her on the forehead instead. 

As they made their way out of the building they both looked around for Scully’s blind date. 

“So how are we meant to recognize this guy? Is he going to be carrying a single rose or something?”

Before Scully could answer him, a male voice spoke out from behind them. 

“Excuse me, Dana?” 

Scully turned around and was greeted by a warm smile from a handsome stranger. Roughly the same height as Mulder, with a fair complexion and sandy blonde hair. Derek’s eyes wandered from Scully over to Mulder, who was standing close to her with his hand on her lower back. With a smile, Mulder extended his hand and introduced himself to the confused man. “Hi, I’m Fox Mulder, Scully’s Partner.”

Scully gave a polite smile as she took Derek’s hand next and gave it a shake, “Dana Scully.” 

“And I’m Derek, nice to meet you, both of you.”

Derek gave a little laugh, and looked confused as he glanced between the pair. This was not the night he signed up for, but perhaps Dana had wanted a friend to be there when she met up with him. It seemed like a reasonable assumption seeing as it was a blind date, but there was something in the way the two stood united that made Derek wonder if anyone would have a chance to get between them. 

Scully gave a nervous laugh, moving over to talk to Derek and apologized by way of explanation. “I know this isn’t what you were probably expecting-“

“But let’s go grab a drink!” Mulder said enthusiastically slapping Derek on the back and inserting himself between Derek and Scully. Before they had even walked a block Mulder had already ascertained all of Derek’s favorite sports teams and had made fast friends with him. 

Scully half listened as the men excitedly chatted on about the Playoffs, amused at just how many times over the years Mulder had chased off any man (and some women) who’d shown the slightest bit of interest in her. Mulder was truly gifted at it, he could cockblock with the best of them. Well, at least this time she’d make sure Mulder put out after chasing her date away.

As they walked into the bar and grabbed a booth Scully found herself checking her watch. It was 8pm, by her calculations she could be back in her apartment by 9:15 and could have Mulder naked by 9:30 if they stuck to one drink and small talk. As Mulder nudged Derek aside to take the seat next to Scully, he casually rested his arm behind Scully’s on their booth seat and continued the conversation. Mulder’s arm behind her was a gesture he’d done a million times before tonight, but now Scully began to realize that it was not the most plutonic body language- and she loved it.

Derek’s eyes darted from Mulder’s arm to Scully and she subtly nodded in confirmation, a chance with her was not on the agenda for him or anyone else.

They had been seated for only a few minutes when Mulder abruptly stood up, declaring he’d buy the first round of drinks. It was the little crease between Scully’s furrowed eyebrows that stopped him from leaving the table. 

“What’s up Scully? You don’t want a drink?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just, Mulder you didn’t really have lunch today. Maybe we should get some food?” 

“I could go for some mozzarella sticks,” Derek chimed in. 

“Good call Doc, I’ll be back in a minute,” Mulder agreed as he moved towards the bar with new purpose. 

Scully and Derek sat silently in the booth for a few moments, an awkwardness growing as neither of them knew quite what to say. 

“So Derek, what line of work are you in?”

“I’m an Actuarial Analyst for the government now, I do a lot of work evaluating the risks and costs of crime. I was surprised that Mulder seemed to have quite a solid grasp on the area, was he in stats major before the FBI?” 

With a laugh Scully explained that Mulder just had a knack for picking things up quickly, a little surprised at how much the two had discussed while her mind had been elsewhere. Again, the two went back to an uncomfortable silence and Scully was even more grateful that Mulder had hijacked her night, having forgotten just how much she hated blind dates. A new topic of conversation would not come to her head to discuss with this stranger, so she looked around the bar trying to spot Mulder and will him to return to the table.

The sound of Derek’s voice jolted her back to reality as he tried to make small talk again.

“Mulder mentioned you’re a Bulls fan, Dana?”

“Not really.”

Derek looked disappointed that his conversation starter was a dud, so Scully clarified.

“It’s just that Mulder loves the Knicks, we watch their games together whenever we’re on the road. I really only cheer for the Bulls when they’re up against the Knicks to give him a hard time, but don’t tell him.”

Derek laughed at Scully’s admission, she was definitely a spitfire.

“As a huge Bulls fan myself, you picked a great team to support out of spite. How could you not love Jordan?”

”True,” Scully agreed with a laugh. Before they could continue she felt Mulder approach the table perilously carrying a pitcher of beer, two beer glasses stacked together, a glass of red wine and a metallic table number stuck under his arm. Deftly, Scully intercepted him and was able to distribute the glasses and beer to the table efficiently and without spilling a drop. 

“You two should take that act on the road,” Derek clapped, impressed by their coordination.

“Years of practice,” Mulder said while filling up Derek’s glass with beer.

Mulder placed a hand on Scully’s thigh as he nervously talked to her, perhaps still a tad insecure about Derek’s presence.

“Tonight is Five Dollar pitcher night for Feddies, I just had to show my badge at the bar. Scully did you want some beer?”

Scully smiled at his enthusiastic energy and rested her hand on top of his.

“Nope, wine was the perfect choice Mulder.”

Derek raised his glass and made the motion for the others to toast, “to new friends.” 

“To new friends,” they all repeated as clinked glasses. 

From there the conversation flowed much smoother, Mulder amusing them both with funny anecdotes of past cases and eliciting some decent stories from Derek in return. Scully was having a good time and was enjoying herself on this bizarre date. Mulder’s casual touches she’d taken for granted all these years now took on a charged meaning as Scully noticed how he always seemed to find an excuse to be in her personal space. His smell was intoxicating and she wonder if it would be weird for her to bury her nose in his armpit at the table. Giving an exaggerated yawn, she hoped Mulder would pick up on her sign that it was time to go home and finish what they’d started in the stairwell.  As Derek started talking about some trip to Martha’s Vineyard he’d made a few years back, Scully’s mind wandered to the state of her apartment. Her bedroom had clothes all over the bed because she couldn’t work out what to wear and she’d left her make up all over the bathroom sink. She hadn’t bothered shaving her legs or cleaning up her place tonight as she had no intention of bringing anyone back with her. Her underwear was on the plain side too, not the nice lingerie she’d pictured wearing for her first time with Mulder. The conditions were not ideal for tonight but she figured so long as she was on top and they kept the lights off it would be fine. Hell, after her two glasses of wine Scully was ready to straddle Mulder in the booth if they didn’t get out of here soon. 

Suddenly Mulder stopped mid-conversation and held his hand up for the table to be quiet while he listened. Scully’s stomach dropped, she knew Mulder was up to something and experience had taught her that it would more than likely end with them in a hospital bed after fighting some super natural specter then naked in her bed. Scully braced herself for whatever he had in store and watched with confusion as Mulder started waving at a pretty blonde nearby who made her way over to their table. Before Scully could question Mulder on his behavior or ascertain whether he had discovered an X file, Mulder got up from the booth and awkwardly guided the woman in Derek’s direction.

“Shauna, this is my friend Derek,” Mulder announced while keeping his eyes fixed on Scully. Mulder held his hand out to Scully and suddenly it all clicked, Walking in Memphis was playing on the jukebox and Mulder wanted to dance. 

Mulder led Scully onto the small dance floor by the bar, holding her a little tighter than the last time they danced to this song, nodding at Derek as he danced with Shauna. Mulder felt Scully giggle against his chest and lifted her head to ask what. 

“How did you orchestrate all this?”

“I met Shauna at the jukebox and asked her to help me out so I could dance with my girl.”

“I’m your girl?”

“Always… If you want to be.”

“Always,” Scully said, lifting herself up on her toes to give Mulder a peck on the lips. 

Adding a few twists and twirls, Mulder continued to dance with Scully as each song seemed to meld into one another. It felt natural to be moving together to the music, enjoying the physical contact between them. Scully pulled Mulder closer to her and inhaled his smell as he leant his chin on her head; the perfect fit. Scully’s hands began to wander over the tops of Mulder’s ass, catching him off guard. Giving his butt a firm squeeze, Scully laughed at Mulder’s fake look of indignation.

“Whatcha doing there Miss Scully?” 

“Come on Mulder, let’s go back to my place,” Scully said, punctuating her statement with a firm slap to his butt.

“We should probably say goodbye to Derek first,” Mulder said, hoping Scully would suggest just leaving. Scully sighed, a little bemused that this was the one time Mulder chose not to wonder off without notice. 

On reaching the booth they’d been in, Mulder and Scully were surprised to see strangers now seated at it. After exchanging looks of confusion, it dawned on them that they had been dancing for a lot longer than they’d both realized. Scanning around the room Mulder spotted Derek sitting at the bar, Scully’s purse and sweater on his lap. Mulder and Scully walked up to Derek and were immediately hit by the strong smell of alcohol. 

“Sorry we left you for so long,” Mulder said, giving Derek a clap on his shoulders. 

“Thank you for minding my things,” Scully said, gingerly prying her possessions from Derek’s clumsy clutches, while Mulder motioned for the bartender and got Derek some water. 

“So what happened to you buddy,” Mulder asked after encouraging Derek to drink some water. 

“Shauna, she wanted to do shots and then we had this car bomb drink, and some more shots. She’s crazy.”

Scully gave Mulder a disapproving look, silently judging his choice of female companion for poor, slightly boring, Derek. 

“Where’s Shauna’s now?” Mulder asked, more than a little worried to hear the response.

“Oh, she had to go home and let her dogs out, but I got her number and we’re going to a concert tomorrow.”

Mulder gave an enthusiastic thumbs up, a gesture reciprocated by Derek, while Scully covered her face with her hand and wondered how she could be attracted to such a dork.

“Let’s get you home,” Mulder said Derek, as he helped him off the barstool. Derek wobbled much more than anticipated and Scully had to step in to keep him up right. 

Outside the bar, Derek seemed to be okay walking with an arm around Mulder’s broad shoulders to keep him steady. Scully was irritated, her spot was by Mulder’s side, and on the night something finally happens between them- this guy was getting in the way. It was time for Derek to leave. 

Eyeing the street for a cab, Scully asked Derek what his address was. “Alexandria” was the only comprehensible part of the his response. 

“Maybe we can check his wallet,” Scully asked pragmatically, deftly find it in Derek’s jacket pocket along with a tab of six condoms.

With her eyebrows raised to her forehead, Mulder gave a chuckle. 

“Looks like you had some big hopes for tonight buddy,” Mulder said, earning him another thumbs up from Derek.

Putting the condoms back into Derek’s pocket, Scully felt indignant. What kind of woman did he think she was- the man’s mother had set them up for chrissakes! Scully briefly thought about shooting Derek, but realized she left her gun at home and really didn’t want to deal with the paperwork. 

Recognizing Scully’s rising frustration, Mulder propped Derek up on a bus bench and took over the search for his home address. As luck would have it Derek lived a block away from Mulder.

Moving Scully away from Derek, Mulder brushed a tendril of hair behind her ear, her face lost in contemplation. 

“Why don’t we go back to my place tonight? I’ll take Derek home and make sure he gets there and then we can meet at my place?”

“For what,” Scully asked bluntly and unamused. 

“Well we could watch a movie, or have coffee-” Mulder asked trying to add a suave subtext that came off a little desperate. Scully’s body straightened and Mulder could see that whatever fluke had gone on earlier in the night, the universe was self correcting and Scully was recoiling. 

“Mulder it’s late, I think I just want to go home.” 

With an understanding nod Mulder mumbled ‘of course’, and softly kissed Scully on the side of the mouth. If only Mulder had been petulant, pissy, or even dismissive, Scully could have walked away and pretended nothing had occurred between them. However, Mulder’s sweet dejected demeanor combined with a countenance that struggled to believe he was worthy of being loved was Scully kryptonite.

Scully grabbed his hand as he turned back to Derek, Scully smiled as she watched a glimmer of hope return to his eyes. 

“How about dessert? My place, after you drive the drunk fratboy home.”

Mulder beamed and kissed Scully in excitement, a move that had previously gotten them into this mess to begin with. Pushing Mulder away before the kiss could progress in the same trajectory Scully smiled at him, without words they shared their memory of the stairwell and the sexual tension began to rise again.

“This, is to be continued,” Scully breathed in a way that made Mulder’s knees go weak and motivated him to hoist Derek with great speed to his car.

With a rushed goodbye, in the FBI parking lot Mulder promised to be back at Scully’s within the hour.

[azure-firecracker]

do you have any favourite txf headcanons ? show or specific to any of your fics or both!!

Oooh what a fun ask!

-I headcanoned that Scully can’t sing, and have been informed that this is actually true! But I also headcanon that when she was a kid she followed Melissa to church chorus, and got kicked out at, like, age 6 because she was so terrible, marking the first person to be kicked out of her church chorus.

-However, I think her parents would have wanted her to learn some sort of instrument, so I think she played the oboe, albeit not very well, and hated it.

-Mulder can dance, but he loses it the second the dance gets complicated (might this pop up in a later Raise Your Voices chapter? Only time will tell!)

-Scully is a hot beverage connoisseur and has just about every kind of tea under the sun stocked in her apartment, but she usually only drinks it when she’s on a day off or it’s a special occasion. Mostly she drinks coffee.

-I have seen debate over whether or not Mulder can cook. I think that he is very good at making approximately three specific dishes and terrible at making anything else.

-Scully can cook most things, but none amazingly. She’s very practical about it.

-Mulder absolutely did theater in high school, you cannot convince me otherwise. He probably only did plays and took an improv class. He has a bunch of old musical tapes hidden in his apartment that he doesn’t think Scully knows about (she does). His family listened to the musicals a lot before Samantha was taken, and he uses them as a reminder of happier times.

-Scully has a membership at the local library and is besties with all of the retired old librarians. They get her life updates every week (wait, should I write a fic about that?)

-Neither Scully nor Mulder had a lot of friends in high school. Scully was always locked into her studies and highly ambitious and didn’t put up with anybody’s BS, and people didn’t like that. Mulder was Mulder and also traumatized. He did get along with the other improv class people, but people mostly thought he was weird.

-Scully got into physics (her major!) because she loved the logical nature of mechanics, and fell in love with it because she secretly adored the mysteries and strangeness of relativity (projection from a physics girlie? Maybe).

-Mulder is not at all a STEM person. The only science classes he really liked were chemistry (so he could make stupid jokes about it), and astronomy (obviously).

-This is semi-canon but Scully is 100% an animal person. Mulder likes cats but that’s pretty much it.

-Both Scully and Mulder have seen every Alfred Hitchcock movie, and have an ongoing debate about what the best one is (Mulder says it’s The Birds, Scully says it’s Strangers on a Train - and Scully is right, just fyi).

-Mulder occasionally makes Scully watch old musical movies, which she pretends she hates but secretly enjoys.

These are mostly just off the top of my head! Feel free to add more in the comments/reblogs!

[slippinmickeys]

POL Prompt for you: would love to know more about Mulder’s experiences embedded with the army, and I bet Scully would too…

No beta. Just vibes. Thanks for the ask!

He presses his lips to the tight drum of her stomach, breathes in through his nose. The air is thick with the sour smell of human bodies in a warm, enclosed space, under which hovers the smell of sex and somehow, the linen and eucalyptus scent of Scully herself.  

He’d like to make love to her again, but they’re both lightheaded with hunger, so he rolls over instead, leaning his forehead and nose against the arching slats of her ribs. He reaches down and puts his hand around her knee. Her body hair has grown out, and while the copper hair on her legs is wiry and stiff, the growth on her knee is wispy and blonde. He strokes it, like he’s calming a skittish filly.

Outside the hotel they can hear bullets ripping through air nearby. The fighting is close and the sounds unnerving. 

“Tell me about your embed,” Scully says in a rough voice. He flicks his eyes to hers; they’re round and wet, blue as the Sargasso. 

“Which one?” 

“Any of them,” she says with a shaky breath. “Can you talk to me? I want to listen to you and not the sounds outside.”

“I hate to tell you this, but my embeds involved scenes pretty similar to what’s happening outside.” 

“Talk to me, Mulder,” she says. “I just want to hear your voice. Please.”

He runs his nose up the soft skin of her side, pulls her in close to his body.

“We were in the mountains,” he mumbles into her. “And it was cold.” 

Under his lips, her skin pebbles in sympathy. 

***

He’d had to leap out of a Black Hawk hovering above a rugged mountainside, hugging his camera bag to his chest in an effort to protect his camera and equipment. It had seemed to work, to the detriment of his left shoulder. The ground under the chopper was a chaotic mess of disheveled humans and gear, the rotor wash whipping dust and debris into everyone’s eyes. 

Mulder was the photographer half of a two-man team, working an article for the Times, but in the chaos and roar of their ingress, he couldn’t see Gary, the journalist who’d be doing the writing. He only hoped he’d fallen successfully, a metric applied in the loosest sense of the word – Gary was over forty and overweight – so long as he didn’t need a medic immediately and was on the ground, Captain Franklin would be happy.

The moment the last trooper hit the earth, the Black Hawk tipped backward and roared away into the night. The soldiers around him were up and on their feet immediately, Franklin barking quiet orders to hustle the men along – the chopper had given away their location. 

Operation Saber Tooth was a battalion-wide mission to root out senior rebel fighters that were hiding in and around the mountains. Franklin would hang back from the fighting with what was called the overwatch team, but First and Second Platoons would be on the front line, entering villages and searching homes, going on the offensive if attacked. 

Franklin had given Mulder and Gary the option of staying back with him and the overwatch team– who would position themselves behind the platoons’ fighting in order to monitor and command the operation–or accompanying one of the two Platoons. Mulder thought they’d get a better story and certainly better pictures if they went with the fighting forces, but it would also mean walking through the mountains at night carrying all of their gear; food, water, clothing, work equipment and sleeping bags. Each patrol would be gone for a week, patrolling, camping and trekking in the mountains. Mulder wanted to go with First Platoon, but one look at Gary’s face and he told Franklin they’d hang back with overwatch. 

Mulder had no idea what they were supposed to do next, so he followed the line of troops up a ridge and onto a small flat crest of rock thousands of feet up that abutted the mountain on one side and had a clear view of the valley on the other. The area would serve as the Tactical Operation Center for the mission. There were no tents, walls or roofs – just bare patches of rock and a few gnarled trees. As Mulder watched, the overwatch team unpacked cumbersome machines that looked like they had been airlifted from Vietnam. 

Gary came shuffling over the ridge and to Mulder’s side, breathing hard. 

“We should get some sleep,” Mulder said, unrolling his sleeping bag while Franklin and the JTACs communicated with airpower. 

A small group of rebel fighters had been spotted by the retreating Black Hawks moving towards their position, and Mulder and Gary fumbled with their equipment and tried to stay out of the way while an air attack wiped out the small force. 

When Mulder woke in the morning, First and Second Platoons were gone, but the overwatch team were still working, hunched over a speaker that was spitting out insurgent chatter from a radio intercept. 

“Bring the Dushka,” the interpreter said, repeating what he was hearing in a language no one else understood. “We can see them on the mountainside.”

The overwatch team was tense. The nearby rebels knew where they were, but not the location of either First or Second Platoon. A Dushka, Franklin explained, was a giant Russian machine gun that spit out .50 caliber bullets that could effortlessly slice through a brick wall. If the two platoons didn’t find the rebels before the rebels got the gun into position, Mulder and the men around him would be rendered to pulp and Operation Saber Tooth would be over before it began.

“Didn’t Franklin say overwatch would be the safer option?” Gary said, hunched up in his sleeping bag and looking miserable.

Mulder reached into the brown plastic of the MRE one of the soldiers had handed him and pulled out a small pack of M&Ms. 

“I think he just said there’d be less walking,” Mulder replied, popping a handful of candy into his mouth and pulling the black knit cap he was wearing lower over his ears. 

Gary began taking notes and speaking with some of the overwatch soldiers, getting down interviews, but Mulder could do nothing but take a few photos of the team against the backdrop of rock and dirt; mostly guys blowing hot air into their fists and hunching around the radio speaker.  

As dawn gave way to full daylight, Mulder’s attention strayed from the chatter of the TOC detailing the progress of the First and Second Platoons to the increasingly pressing needs of his own body; he really had to pee. 

Most of the soldiers had been relieving themselves at a rocky outcropping at the edge of the ridge upon which their small camp sat, but a gusty wind had picked up from along the valley and was now blowing up the crest of the hillside. If he peed off the side as the other soldiers had done, he would probably end up covered in his own piss courtesy of the wind. 

He decided to amble a little further off, down a short slope upon which laid the remains of a fallen tree. The area was probably too far from what Franklin had said were the boundaries of where he felt comfortable letting them go, but it was sheltered from the wind and it would only take Mulder 30 seconds to relieve himself. 

He was just zipping up when he caught a flash of movement from 40 yards away across the small valley between the mountain they were perched on and the next. When he looked up he connected eyes with a man peeking out behind a boulder, Kalashnikovs bristling up around the rock like needles in a pincushion. A group of rebel fighters. And they had seen him. 

He dove behind the single fallen tree on the slippery bit of scree behind him as the rebels opened fire. Bullets whizzed past the tree and thunked into it, spraying the air around him with bits of desiccated wood, and he could hear the shouting from the TOC and the garbled sound of the rebels yelling at each other and into their own radios. It took only moments for the Americans to begin returning fire and Mulder was absolutely pinned down, unable to do so much as move his arms up to protect his face, so close were the bullets in the air above him. And he had left his flak jacket and helmet next to his sleeping bag. 

He laid prone, eyes squeezed close as the guttural sound of combat erupted from everywhere  around him. An AC-130 circled overhead and he could hear the roar of a fighter jet scream low over the mountain. But the air support would not be able to help them, he knew; the rebels were too close to their own position and an attack on them would likely be deadly to Mulder and the rest of the overwatch team. 

Suddenly, the sounds of gunfire from the TOC position went into overdrive, and a moment later two soldiers slid onto the ground on either side of him, their comrades above laying down cover fire. 

“Let’s go, bud!” said a soldier named Martinez, who plunked a too-large army helmet onto Mulder’s head and grabbed him by the arm. 

On his other side, a private named Smyth said “We’re running in three-two-GO GO GO!” And the two soldiers hauled him up and all three of them ran all out, scrambling back up and over the ridge to the meager protection of the TOC. 

***

“Not three minutes later,” Mulder mumbles, “the rock above our heads started exploding.” 

Her fingers brush through the hair growing long down his neck. “The Dushka?” she asks.

He nods. “The Dushka. Luckily Second Platoon was almost on top of them by the time they were in position to fire and took them out before any person or any equipment was hurt. Five minutes later it was dead silence and we spent the rest of the afternoon using baby wipes to get the dust off our skin and equipment. My Canon Mark IV was never the same.”

On the street outside the hotel, the gunfire similarly halts. 

Scully inhales expansively and turns so she’s facing him. “How was Gary?” she asks. 

“A true professional,” he says, leaning forward to kiss the skin above her breast. “He grabbed my camera and took some damn fine pictures.”

“I’d like to see them someday.” Her voice is fading, sleepy. “If we ever get out of here.”

Mulder pulls the tatty sheet up and over them both. 

“You will,” he says. He’s gotten out of worse. 

[thursdayinspace]

Y'know what? I was sitting in a funk, thinking thoughts, and I thought: y'know what'll get me outta this? Listening to a mutual talk about their passions, passionately.

So, tell me: top 3 Revival moments that aren't MSRy. I wanna know layers. I wanna know intrigue. I wanna be GRIPPED by your love for that series. >:DDDDDD

thank you for this dream assignment. okay. *cracks knuckles* let's begin. i don't know if these are my *top* 3, but they're the ones that come to mind immediately.

1.

I'll start with one that you may argue is still msr, but this very specific bit is not, so hear me out. I'm talking about Scully in "Plus One" coming to Mulder's room asking him to hold her. This is all about Scully and the lessons she has had to learn the hard way about using her words, and about taking that big risk of showing vulnerability. For me, we can go all the way back here to season 2, "Irresistible," where she is shaken up to the point of going for a counseling session where she talks about herself in the second person, and then admits she doesn't want Mulder to know how much the case is getting to her. That's not about Mulder specifically. That's about Scully wanting to prove herself to her brothers as a kid. That's about being a woman in a male-dominated field - both in science and the FBI. She knows her weakness can be used against her. So putting up a facade has become second nature to her. It is also important to note that she *does not* open up to Mulder at the end of "Irresistible." She has reached a breaking point. She still doesn't talk.

In "Plus One," she asks for help. Once again she is shaken up by a case to the point where she has trouble handling it. But she is able this time to admit it. And I'm sure that is a hard-earned skill. Yes, she can open up here and ask for help because it's Mulder. But that she's admitting *at all* that she is struggling, and not even that but *asking for support*? That's big. And that has something to do with their relationship, but also not. That's Scully having learned that being scared is okay. That's Scully being more settled in her own skin, more confident, knowing her own strength and therefore being able to drop her defenses occasionally.

2.

In "Ghouli," the scene where William is on that autopsy table and Scully, thinking he's dead, explains to him all about his adoption and how affected she was by it. It's an important moment because I always felt like they completely dropped the ball on that in season 9. She gave up her kid, after it had been her biggest wish to be a mom for so long, and then the next time we hear about it is when she talks about it with Mulder in his jail cell for one minute. In between, she seems completely unaffected by it. It comes up again in IWTB, which I really liked, but I always felt like they owed Scully a real *moment*. A real moment to live in that pain and acknowledge how that changed her life and how really fucking difficult it was. As heartbreaking as that moment is and as much as I tend to simply ignore the William storyline, I think it was important.

3.

This is not a moment per se, but you know I have to mention the sushi episode. "Rm9sbG93ZXJz." There, I even looked up the proper title. It's a lot of moments in that episode that make up the whole of it. I love the creepiness of it that's created through the complete absence of other people. It's isolation dialed up to maximum. That's obviously a social commentary, but to me it's also an X Files commentary, if you will. The whole show, it's been them against the world. Very little backup. Just the two crazies from the basement. And here, they're not just isolated from the rest of the world, but for all intents and purposes, the world seems actually *empty*. Even though this episode stands somehow outside of canon to an extent, to me it's a ~vibes~ summary of the entire og myth arc. They have no one. They can't trust anyone. Everything is against them and yet they keep fighting against an enemy that seems omnipresent and undefeatable. I will talk about this episode for days if I don't stop now, so I'll leave it at that.

oh man this was fun. thank you for the question!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 8 "the rain king" thoughts

i received an ask about this episode, so i am going to ponder it incredibly carefully and consider all matters!!!

so. someone who blesses the rains, huh? well. that doesn’t SOUND evil. but… i bet it is somehow evil. they never really run into a friendly werewolf, do they? maybe i ought to write that fic

my bet is that the dude is somehow a religious fraudster behind a cult…

post-episode thoughts: no cults. just weather. and the sound of my sobs. why are they so cute? will i ever recover? has my brain been permanently rotted?

i'm editing my notes the day after, and i still need time to think. to just ponder it all. to mull it over, really. wow... and there was only one bed. because of a cow.

does that cow know what his sacrifice gave us?

wow... <3

ooo! it’s valentine’s day! and this person is writing a valentine. how seasonally appropriate, as i type this in late january!

i like doing silly stuff on valentine’s day and telling people you love them. but the baby drawing is kinda creepy here. still!!

oh! she smooched it. now, that seems a little much, and perhaps unhygienic. and messy. a bold choice on shelia’s behalf.

she is in bright red lingerie while an ad for a wedding ring plays. i fear that this daryl fellow for whom she has written the card will disappoint her.

i want to hear the story of pandas in love on the news!! who cares about the county she’s in losing power?? it may be plot relevant, but that doesn’t make it INTERESTING!

shelia’s hair looks so freaking cool. 

daryl arrives. OH nooooo… she put her and daryl in the newspaper as a wedding announcement.

i thought the problem here was that they weren’t actually engaged, but they are! they just agreed to keep it secret for now. hmm. why did he want to keep it secret?? 

he wants to call it off?!?! rude!! what does the rain have to do with their engagement??

he is MEAN TO HER FOR EATING THE CHOCOLATES? shelia, listen close. you need to leave his ass. OH, i paused on her face when he said this, and she looks so sad :(

count your days, daryl

he goes outside and leaves while she listens to sad music. shelia. i will avenge you. daryl drives and sings and he has lots of beer in the car. THIS IS ILLEGAL!!! THIS IS DRUNK DRIVING!!!! CALL THE COPS ON HIM!!!

shelia is crying into her chocolates :(

and it starts raining!!!!

wait!! does it rain when she cries?? and she’s been happy these past few months, so that is why it isn’t rained??

shelia… you hold so much power…

it turns to hail and starts to crack his windshield!!! he runs off the road and into a pole!!!!!

well. he had it coming. 

AND THE HAIL IS SHAPED LIKE HEARTS LMAO

is it common for long-running TV shows to have a valentine’s day episode? i feel like the only one i can think of is parks and rec. but that’s a sitcom. so the vibes are inherently different there. who knows?

also, didn’t these air weekly?? and two weeks ago was the christmas episode?? 

hmm. much to ponder. maybe there was a winter airing break.

HA! shortened intro. i clock you once again.

we start with a time skip 6 months from valentine’s day. ah. well. i guess that answers that question. so we went from christmas to august in 2 weeks! huh, lots of fic you could write in that in-between time, i suppose.

mulder and scully arrive in shelia’s town in kansas!! in an airplane. how fancy.

LMAO, both their faces DROP as a man in a hat brings a boombox and a child in a leotard starts performing a routine, BAHAHA, what?

LOOK AT HIM DUCKING UNDER THE WING OF THE AIRPLANE, AWWW <3 he's too tall <3

BAHAHA, she says "don’t look at me, this was your idea"

so that is the mayor of the town of kroner!!! 

“if i’d have known you was bringing the misses with you, i’d have arranged for fancier accommodations” <- BAHAHA, MULDER’S FACE WHEN THE MAYOR SAYS THAT... I’M CRYINGGGG... he mouths “oh” and stands up on his toes; oh, i’m GIGGLING

shoutout to this twirling queen, rhonda, while interpersonal drama goes down... she is unbothered. flourishing.

scully clarifies that she is his partner, and he apologizes and offers a handshake… she takes this in good stride. he genuinely seemed quite upset with that mistake, and i felt a little bad for him. aww. mr. mayor. it's okay <3

but boy, does mulder look pleased as punch that mr. mayor made that miscalculation. i just know he launched him into pondering all the what ifs right then and there.

mulder has been vague as to what this “crisis” is that has brought them to town, scully says. oh yeah!! throw him under the bus.

daryl is prospering, while all the others suffer drought! he charges people for rain. shows up at your farm and does some stuff, and then the sky falls open. mayor thinks he is somehow causing the drought to make a buck. 

omg, is he being mean to shelia to do this….? and then she cries and it rains...?

scully does not seem pleased, LMAO 

“come on, scully, you act like i’ve intentionally misled you” “a man… controlling… the weather” <- BAHAHA, girl come on, this isn’t any wilder than the flukeman, is it?!

actually, yeah, it is. at least we could claim the flukeman was some previously unknown radioactive water beast. this is... well, it's not any crazier than eugene tooms, is it?!?

they go to visit the rain king’s office. his secretary is asking, on his behalf, for jelly beans with all the green ones removed, beer, and cigarettes. ah. i see. he's a diva.

but he is out of the town!! so how will they see him?

“i don’t understand… has he… don’t y’all need a warrant or subpoena or something like that?” “we usually just say please” LMAOOOO

(this line KILLED me)

her name is cindy, and daryl the rain king saved her daddy’s farm. she is incredibly furious they would accuse daryl of a crime. and sure enough, the weather report on the TV shows rain only in the town where daryl is currently visiting!!

she hands scully the customer list and says they will find them all to be satisfied clients.

mulder wants to visit the TV studio, where shelia is welcoming them in, saying she is so happy for them. oh brother, i see what is going to happen here, LMAOOO.

NOOOOO, she introduces them as the GUNDERSONS, and the studio guy hopes they have a truly romantic getaway LMAOOO

oh, they were just toying with the msr truthers at this point, huh? i feel your pain backwards through time.

mulder does not stop to correct them, so scully does it, and then he just stands there shaking his head BAHAHA!!! oh, he wanted to savor that moment 

the real gundersons have arrived and when they do mulder says “it’s like looking in a mirror” OH, YOU STOP.

aww, i feel bad for the weather guy (one mr. holman hardt) who has to give away vacations so people don’t hate him 

oh!! well, he just called this town sexy through the lens of weather. which mulder nods and smiles at. and the agents exchange a glance. LMAO hold on, look at her FACE. the eyebrow raise, BAHAHA. this is the look that you share with the bestie when you are going to debrief in the car.

you know what though, i’m happy for him. he seems to love his job. 

mr. hardt (the meteorologist) does not think daryl is to blame for the drought and subsequent rains, but rather, it is a high pressure system at work

“thank you. can we go now?” LMAOOOOOO, scully’s so pissed off

while mr. hardt went to high school with daryl, and he does not want to give daryl credit for anything, he does appear to be the real deal 

(scully looks deeply pained at this, while mulder smiles at her; she tries to smile politely) 

LMAOOOO!!! she’s killing me.

let us now take a trip to the monroe farm! scully points out that these people are desperate and ready to believe anything, when the rain king arrives. and he has a vanity plate, fancy cowboy boots, a crazy blue outfit, and he sits down next to cindy.

she presents him with a boot, which he declares to be the wrong one, and i do not like how he calls her “good girl” or “hon”. SHE LOOKS 16!! and why is he on crutches??

oh. because his other foot is gone. and that boot is a prosthetic. i see. must have happened when he hit that pole.

he says he did not ask for this gift, but he comes from a long line of healing people. and this is the cue for his dance number.

“and i… am 1/64th cherokee, and i can summon up my ancestors to bring water to this thirsty land”

(scully has her arms crossed and an expression of utter disdain, while mulder watches with confusion)

the rain king is sort of gesturing about while scully walks away, saying her irish aunt olive has more cherokee in her than daryl. she has an aunt olive from ireland! noted ✏️ 

“i mean, look at him mulder, does that look like a man who can control the weather?” (thunder cracks) LMAOOO

he gives them finger guns while they get soaked, BAHAHAHA 

okay, there was no sheila in sight, so maybe she doesn’t have to cry for it to work??

shelia is chatting with mr. hardt, saying she wishes the agents would leave daryl alone. holman is surprised to hear she still loves him, because all he cared about was her money!

“there are other men who will love you more” <- OOOO, TV STATION ROMANCE, LET’S GOOO!!

she does not acknowledge his comment

sleepy scully at the motel!!! the accommodations are not, in fact, fancy. she is kept awake by a banging noise. let her sleep!!!!!

mulder is wide awake at 3 am, reading newspaper clippings and snacking on his seeds, while the wind is whipping.

DID HE JUST GET UP TO CLOSE THE WINDOW AND SEE A COW FLY UP INTO THE SKY...... LMAOOOOOOO HIS FACE RIGHT AS I HIT PAUSE 

WHAT THE FUCK THE COW FELL THROUGH THE ROOF INTO HIS ROOM I’M CRYING

the next morning, scully gazes up at the ceiling where a cow has broken through.

“ma’am, unless you wanna get covered in hamburger, i reckon you should step outside” (a man starts a chainsaw) 

LMAOOOOO poor mulder, the most unlucky man alive. 

“oh miss, we moved your boyfriend’s things into your room” “he’s my partner, and we prefer separate rooms” “oh, old-fashioned are you, huh?” LMAOOOOOOOOOOO 

i love how they expect everyone to know "he's my partner" means official FBI business and no one understands their lingo

and there was only one bed!!! because all of the other rooms are booked for the high school reunion!!

will they cuddle... or will he try to be kind and accommodating and sleep on the floor?

mulder is getting his bleeding arm tended to while she pokes around his head, asking if he was checked for a concussion, and he theorizes that the cow was AIMED AT HIM. well! ruffling his hair while you inspect him for head trauma is not helping scully defeat the girlfriend allegations. 

mr. hardt arrives and says he feels terrible!! scully asks him to reassure mulder that the cow incident was a natural phenomenon.

shelia is here, too!! she has tears in her eyes and her mascara is running. OH, mr. hardt tries to tell her she shouldn’t be here. it was protective and cute. but she says it’s her fault!!! and she is very sorry!!

scully holds her a box of tissues as she tearfully confesses that she can’t control it, saying “i murdered that poor cow!!”. she claims that mr. hardt is covering for her because he knows the truth!!

“the night of my senior prom, a tornado demolished our high school” (cut to two teenagers getting blown away)

LMAO, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS EPISODE??? I’M ACTUALLY CACKLING???

and it snowed at her wedding in july!!! and when she got divorced, all the clouds in the sky were laughing at her

“you know how you-you can see shapes in those big fluffy clouds?” (mulder nods eagerly)

i’m crying, why the fuck is he like this… he’s either trying to reassure her, or thinking, oh yeah, i love to look for shapes in the clouds. or both.

(scully watches him, turning to shelia and putting on a smile, as if to reassure her that she, too, knows about shapes in clouds)

so, there hasn't been a weather incident for 10 years until last night!! shelia reveals she was engaged to daryl until about 6 months ago, when a freak hailstorm cost him his leg. and since then, the rain has been following him. 

mulder reassures her that it’s not her fault: “yeah, yeah, i’m-i’m sure, scully, you have any doubts?” “no.” “you see?” “no doubts” <- i'm gonna LOSE IT

SHELIA KISSES HIS HAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF SCULLY, LMAOOOOOOO... I’VE SAID THIS SO MANY TIMES, BUT HER FAAAAACE!!!

but the doctor who was tending to mulder’s arm points out that daryl was drunk driving the night he lost his leg! mr. hardt didn’t know that, and looks very taken aback.

meanwhile, daryl is having that poor cindy rub his shoulders AND KISS HIS CHEEK??? JAIL!! NOW!!! he’s sitting and talking about his brain functioning on 14 levels. but the rain stops!!!

well. if he knows what’s good for him, maybe he can just retire now.

ohhh, back to the motel. scully wants to get tf out, but mulder finds an article from 1991 of the weather in town raining rose petals!!

OHHH, he thinks it’s mr. hardt?!?! because the day of the rose petals, his mother died!!

he has been hospitalized 5 times, each coinciding with a major weather event 

mulder proposes a reverse seasonal affective disorder, where the weather responds to mr. hardt’s feelings!!! and meanwhile, he’s in his room practicing his love confession for shelia!!!

when his phone goes off!! and it’s shelia!! he tells her he’s looking forward to the reunion, and she’s over daryl now. she needs someone who she can talk to and feel safe with… oh no… she's thinking of mulder….

“well, what do you think of agent mulder?” <- OHHHH NOOOOO….

thunder immediately crashes

mulder comes to mr. hardt's office the next morning, claiming he is saying goodbye, but wants to give him some help before he accidentally kills someone. he needs to let it out!!!

mulder clocks that mr. hardt loves shelia, and always has. and it was his fault there was a tornado at senior prom. 

mulder is sitting on the ground looking up at mr. hardt. and mulder looks so handsome. okay. fine. whatever.

“well, you better tell her, or you’re gonna kill somebody” mulder says and gets up to leave <- LMAOOOO, thus concludes his ability to help emotionally!!!!! i knew he didn't have much more in him!!

he says he really has to go now and catch his flight, but scully calls!!! there is a crazy thick fog!!

LMAOOOOOOO, WHEN HE SAYS MR. HARDT WANTS DATING ADVICE FROM MULDER, SHE GOES SO SILENT HE THOUGHT SHE HUNG UP..... BAHAHAAAAA

“mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?” “i will talk to you later!” HE HUNG UP ON HER!!! BAHAHAHAAAAA

she mumbles in the car, “the blind leading the blind” LMAOOOOO

daryl, meanwhile, is having cindy calculate how much money he owes to the various people suing him. “dairy queen will take me back; i get almost six dollars an hour!” BAHAHAA

when he brings up shelia, her demeanor changes entirely. he breaks up with her!!! saying he needs to go to shelia!!!

mr. hardt is gagged that mulder and scully have never had anything between them BAHAHAHAAAA

“i’ve seen how you to gaze at one another” (silence) “this is about you, holman. i’m here to help you” <- LMFAOOOOOO his ass was CAUGHT!!!!

mulder leads mr. hardt to shelia, claiming he is perfectly happy with his friendship with agent scully. he tightens his tie, and taps his cheeks, saying he needs to go in there and tell her how he feels!!

“i do not GAZE at scully” <- LMAOOOO, I’VE SEEN THAT LINE REFERENCED BEFORE AND WAS WONDERING WHEN IT WAS COMING 

god. he’s down so bad.

shelia is getting her stuff around… and mr. hardt chokes out that he loves her. she says she loves him too, not seeming to realize the vibes. when all of a sudden!!! rain!! it begins!!!

NOOOO!!! she loves mr. hardt, but she is IN LOVE with mulder!!! NOOOOO !!!

daryl is trying to get back with her, and when mulder comes in to try and separate them, daryl asks “what’s he got that i ain’t got?” “a job” LMAOOOO

NOOOO NOT HIS FACE, don’t hit his face!!!

NOOO!!!! WHEN HE GETS DARYL IN HANDCUFFS, SHELIA KISSES HIM JUST AS MR. HARDT AND SCULLY WALK IN!!!

he is covered in lipstick and she tries to tell him they can leave LMAOOO noooooooo, oh scully............. this shit always happens and she always catches a glimpse

but thunderstorms are coming!!!!

ooo, the high school reunion!!! it’s filled with buckets to catch the rain!! and mulder and scully are here!!! there’s a weather alert for the county!!

they are looking for mr. hardt and spot him right away. “this is YOUR fault!! she was kissing you!!” he blames mulder!!

oh no, shelia’s hitting on mulder, and scully tries to divert by saying mr. hardt wants to dance… NOOOOO, is she going to get paired up with him?? OH NO, it works!!! and mulder says to tell her!!! 

they’re dancing, and he looks like he is going to cry… he says he’s in love with her and he has been since high school!!!

she walks away!! while scully and mulder watch!!

“i’ll build the ark, you gather the animals… i was kidding!!” <- oh, WHERE is scully going… 

she finds sheila in the bathroom! 

she is explaining mulder’s theory that mr. hardt causes the weather, and she says she does NOT agree, but perhaps he is destroying this town accidentally!!

“you love him, don’t you?” “what?” “you’re jealous because agent mulder and i have a special connection, and you’re trying to divert me to holman” “WHAT?!”

LMAOOOOOO, wait hold on, is that a meme? have i seen that “you’re jealous because agent mulder and i have a special connection” meme before, somewhere before i ever started watching this show??

daryl is here!!! saying it is good to be the king as he walks in!

“where’s sheila?” “where’s your leg?” “cindy took it” LMAOO

scully is explaining that mulder and her have really, truly, never kissed (and shelia says he knows how to, which is DIABOLICAL)

WAIT HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 

“well, it seems to me that the best relationships- the ones that last- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. you know, one day you look at the person, and you see something more than you did the night before. like a switch has been flicked somewhere. and the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” 

WHAT. hey guys. WHAT. 

wait. what….

hold on. i need a minute.

scully…. what is it that makes you confess things about your love life to people in passing, and then never communicate those feelings ever again?!

they must leave as the storm drains are filling up. meanwhile, daryl is trying to beat up mulder. it’s not going well. and the power goes out!!! 

mr. hardt is sitting in a chair, sadly. when shelia approaches. she asks if he makes the weather!!! and he confesses he does it because of her!!! because he loves her!!! 

and she gives him a little smooch!! and then a BIG smooch!!!! and everyone claps!!!!

cindy comes back with a leg for daryl and they cry and it’s wet. gross. 

a lot of people are kissing. 

mulder asks mr. hardt how it went and he says “you should try it sometime” OHH…!!!!

and a year later, mr. hardt and shelia have a baby!!!! and the skies are very blue!!!

a little blue CGI bird flies by…. yeah 💙

i rewatched that scene where shelia and holman leave and mulder has the BIGGEST smile on his face, omfg…

hang on guys. i need a minute. 

shelia… she deserves this

somewhere over the rainbow playing after a storm in kansas is crazy, lmao

well… what are my thoughts?

first of all, msr truthers, y’all are the bravest bunch out there. truly you have endured the absolute MOST. because if i saw this episode while it was airing, i would have had to call off the next day.

the thing is, i know this show well enough by now to know that the next few episodes were probably written by someone else entirely and will have therefore no continuity. and mulder will go back to be being cranky soon. BUT. can we SAVOR what we had?? on this fine evening???

if i made gifs, i would NEED to highlight the parallels between 2x12 and this episode, where in both, scully talks to a random person she just met about her love life, and then never addresses it again. she’s just so fundamentally KIND!!! and even if she shuts herself off emotionally in some misguided attempt to keep herself safe, she will tell some person she just met the truth if it will make them feel better and OH. that makes me emotional.

and her checking his head for trauma…….

AND HIS BIG GOOFY SMILE WHEN HOLMAN SAYS HE SHOULD TRY IT…

and scully telling shelia that she DOES NOT BELIEVE mulder's theory but explaining it to her anyway because DAMMIT, maybe it can make the rain stop and bring a happy couple together. that was SOOO funny.

and scully’s shocked silence when holman wants his dating advice, LMAOOOO

aww man, i’m giggling and kicking my feet over here.

i am a sucker for outside people thinking that they are together. this is an excellent trope in any sort of media, but especially so for them

ALTHOUGH! i disagree with scully. i don’t think they fell in love one day and never went back. i think it went in stages. slow and gradual stages, and maybe there was one day a sudden REALIZATION of the fact, but it went bit by bit. from meeting to long car rides and building trust, perhaps too fast; perhaps it felt intrinsic. from nearly day one risking death and imprisonment, to this becoming a pattern a million times over. to the abduction arc and separation and the terrible, incalculable grief of their shared losses, and the way grief can bring you together and pull you apart. then falling back into an easy lull of the way things were, to the shattering of the cancer arc and nearly saying goodbye. to the ends of the metaphorical earth to save each other, then to the ends of the ACTUAL earth to save each other. to futile attempts at separation by the powers that be, with something unspoken hovering about between them the whole time, humming, changing shape. hours by each other’s bed. seeing each other’s naked body. tending to wounds. chastely. coming close, but never touching the live wire for fear of the shock. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH (screams into my hands for a long time)

okay. so.

we at least know by now that mulder has OUTRIGHT declared his feelings for her. which is crazy!!!! and scully is doing her damnedest to act like she isn’t feeling the same, but girl has never been a good liar. 

i feel like i need to punch a wall, but like, in a positive way.

why am *i* getting butterflies??? THESE MFERS AREN’T EVEN REAL!!!!

okay. i once again ask you to hold on. give me a minute. i need to go do my duolingo and decompress.

okay. i’m back.

so, if nothing else, this was to me just a very silly and enjoyable episode. putting aside my own falling for the ship bait, i was laughing. like, the kind of laughter that feels stupid. when that girl was twirling or high school shiela blew away, i was HOLLERING. and cindy had me cackling, too. her line delivery was SO good. everyone was doing a great job. and i really loved both shelia and holman!!! with a show where there are so many one-off characters you never see again, it’s impressive when they stick out to you and play well off of each other. 

was the plot ridiculous? yeah, it was. but as i noted at the beginning, we usually get some sort of bad guy, and we didn’t this time! i mean, rain king wasn’t a good guy, but it was a nice change of pace. i know they didn’t want me to think the great mutato was the bad guy in that episode, but he was for what he did to those women, and i will not be censored. 

so rarely do we get a happy ending?? i imagine they’re apologizing preemptively for whatever is coming next. 

in terms of overarching plot, we haven’t had a lot of movement forward. we still have diana and spender on the x files, if you can even call them that now that they have been entirely destroyed (and did they check EVERYWHERE for backup files?!) and kersh has them doing frustrating tasks to keep them busy as they endure their punishment for trying to expose all the aliens. skinner is still out of the picture, which makes me deeply sad. come home, skinner. 

we haven’t had any real forward motion in those areas, or in the misadventures of CSM or even gibson! so i hope we do get some answers soon, but i’m also sort of dreading it, because i like when things are happy and generally, they aren’t in those sorts of situations. i KNOW his ass is hiding something. 

but at the moment, i do not know what that thing is, and perhaps i do not need to. perhaps all i need to do is sit with the concept of love. and how it changes shape overtime and how it stays the same. the end. 

as i finish editing my notes, all i can think about this time around is how mulder's face was smeared with shelia's lipstick. and how desperately i would love to see his face smeared with scully's lipstick. i would draw this if i could. and i can't. so i will sit here and picture it in silence. let us imagine this together, now. ah. exquisite.

[xxsksxxx]

Almost Heaven

Summary:

Mulder’s attempt to find more exciting cases to investigate while stuck in the bullpen turns into another weekend trip to the forest.

Meanwhile, Scully is faced with a tempting offer that could change both her future and their lives.

This story is complete, and I’m going to post one chapter a day.

AO3 | Back to the Beginning | @today-in-fic

Chapter 11: Almost Heaven

Washington, D.C. Scully’s apartment Sunday, November 29th, 1998, 9:05 pm

Scully raised her arm and checked her watch for what must’ve been the tenth time in the last hour. With a sigh, she got up from the couch and turned the TV off. It was no use anyway. She’d tried reading, she’d tried cleaning, and she’d even gone through her closet, finally putting all the summer clothes in a suitcase and storing them in her basement. The movie she hadn’t been paying any attention to was just the last straw. Nothing made her stop thinking about calling Mulder.

Just call him, she thought, exasperated with herself. You dropped a bomb on him in the car earlier. You might as well call him now instead of waiting for your usual bedtime conversation.

She’d tried all day to not succumb to the temptation to pick up the phone. If she wanted to keep being in Mulder’s life, things needed to change. She’d drive herself crazy if she kept up being caught in the middle between her hopes and reality. He was her best friend, the person she wanted to find truths with and uncover lies. But she had to learn how to accept that what she felt wasn’t the way he thought about her. He needed her in his life as his touchstone—and she wanted him as her romantic partner. And if she didn’t want to end up getting hurt, she needed to get back to treating him like a friend and not like a potential lover.

The thought that they would never be what she had hoped for only a few days ago, pierced her heart, and she swallowed. I’m not a lovesick teenager. I’m going to be alright, she assured herself. They’d been friends for years, and she had loved their relationship. There was no reason why she shouldn’t be able to be just as happy if things went back to the way they had been.

She checked her watch again and shook her head at herself. This was getting ridiculous, she was torturing herself for no reason.

With determent steps, Scully walked towards her phone and carried the portable to her living room window, looking outside. The parked cars lining the street were illuminated by the streetlamps, the wet roofs from the earlier November rain reflecting the light like sparkling stars.

For a second, she thought one of the cars looked like Mulder’s and squinted her eyes, trying to check if she could find her partner. You’re losing your mind, Dana, she thought. Stop seeing him everywhere and just call him already. You’re starting to see ghosts!

With a deep sigh, she pressed speed dial 1 and listened to the phone connect. Mulder picked up after the second ring.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice tense. She had been right, Mulder had probably been agonizing all afternoon about their conversation, and she closed her eyes against the sudden realization that she was the cause of his anguish. I should’ve called him right away, she thought guiltily.

“Mulder, it’s me,” she replied quietly, suddenly as anxious as Mulder, even though she didn’t know why.

“Hey, Scully, everything ok?” he asked immediately, and she kept her tone light.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I know this is not our usual time to call. I hope I’m not interrupting whatever you’re doing?”

“No, no, you’re not interrupting. I was just thinking about the case. You were right. The gunmen couldn’t find anything more on the sighting. It turns out Mr. Murphy is kind of known for having seen—,” he trailed off. “Phenomena.” She could hear the defeat in his voice and wished he was sitting in front of her now so she could touch him. With a shake of her head, she ruthlessly squashed that thought. This was exactly what had gotten her into trouble this weekend. He was her friend. Friends didn’t want to stroke each other’s hair, hug and hold each other, kiss, and touch each other’s bodies. With an internal sigh, she admitted to herself that she had still a long way to go before she was truly going to be in a place where she would be ok with just being Mulder’s friend.

She realized she’d been quiet for a while and focused back on Mulder’s breathing coming through the line.

“I’m sorry, Mulder,” she said seriously. Mulder grunted in acknowledgment, both knowing that there wasn’t much to say about the case anymore.

“So, what have you been up to? Did you have a good rest of the day?” he asked tightly, fishing for any information he could about what she was going to do. She heard a crack through the line and realized that he was eating sunflower seeds.

“Not much, did some chores, did a bit of reading. Pretty uneventful.”

“Did the medical journals have any new interesting mutants?” he joked, and she felt warmth spread through her, happy that he knew her this well.

“Nothing that would be considered an X-File, I’m afraid,” she joked back, feeling the tension slowly dissipate. It was going to be alright, she decided.

The crack of another sunflower seed being snapped open came through the line, and she smiled.

“I made a decision, Mulder,” she said calmly, reminding herself why she had called. “I’m not going to take the job offer.”

Mulder didn’t reply, and she felt the urge to fill the silence with an explanation. “I thought about it and tried to imagine what it would be like. And I realized that I couldn't even imagine it.”

She gripped the phone tighter, feeling her sweaty hand slip on the receiver, uncomfortable to be this open about her feelings. “And I thought about everything we’ve experienced, Mulder. All the things I still want to find, the questions I want answers to.” She took a deep breath and soldiered on. “We’ve got things to get done, Mulder. And I don’t want to do it without you either—not even temporarily,” she finished quietly.

There was a long pause, and finally, she could hear Mulder let out a long breath. “I’m glad, Scully,” he said earnestly, and Scully closed her eyes.

“Well, I’ll let you go then, Mulder,” she breathed, the relief making her nearly dizzy. She waited a moment for his reply, but when it didn’t come, she added a soft ’Good night’ and hung up the phone.

Scully placed the receiver back in its place on the side table and made her way into her bathroom, preparing to get ready for bed. She was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of the last few days.

Scully was just brushing her teeth and pulling the jar with her nighttime cream from her cabinet, a headband holding her hair back when a soft knock sounded on her front door, and she turned in surprise.

She hardly got unexpected visitors. At least not the ones that knocked, she thought wryly. The only one who ever dropped by this late was—Mulder. Of course. But how could that be? She’d been on the phone with him only ten minutes ago. There was no way he could’ve driven over here in that short amount of time.

She hurried over to the door, and after a brief check through her door viewer, she pulled it open. “Mulder?”

Mulder pushed past her without looking at her, and she closed the door behind him, turning around in surprise. “How did you get here so fast? Did something happen?”

“I was sitting in my car when you called, trying to get up the nerve to come up here,” he explained, starting to pace her living room. She leaned back against the doorjamb, watching him, her brow furrowed.

He suddenly stopped and turned to her, his eyes brimming with emotion. “Why, Scully?” he asked. “I don’t understand. Why did you even have to make a choice?” He pushed his hair back with his fingers and shook his head. “I just don’t get it. You’ve been the one who’s told me that we shouldn’t give up. That we would get the X-Files back if we played our cards right. And Skinner makes one job offer, and you’re doubting everything?” He looked at her with wide, questioning eyes, and she turned her own eyes to the floor.

How could she explain to him that it wasn’t just about that? She did believe they’d get the X-Files back, but she had felt like that was no longer enough. Not anymore. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, struggling for the right words. How could she explain that she had tricked herself into believing she could have it all this weekend—that she had wanted what Dana dreamed of when she was sitting alone on her sofa on lonely Saturday nights? But that was completely on her. How could he have known? “I don’t know, Mulder. I guess—I guess I just felt—like I wanted something else.”

Mulder watched her wordlessly for a moment. “I thought I had made it clear. Back in my hallway a few months ago,” he began, and her eyes flew up to his. “Not just your importance to the X-Files—but also to me. Personally.” His eyes didn’t shy away from hers, and she could see his anguish. “I thought you felt it too.”

Scully’s eyes searched his face for what he was talking about. Of course, she remembered the hallway and everything that nearly happened there. How could she forget? “Felt what too?”

“Oh, come on, Scully. If I remember correctly, you wanted that kiss just as much as I did. Because if you didn’t, let me tell you, you were sure sending mixed signals!” He put his hands on his hips, his body language a clear challenge.

“Yes, Mulder. Yes, I wanted to kiss you. But what does that have to do with this? Why are you here?”

“I just want to understand! How can you even think about walking away from this, from us after everything—after what I told you—” His voice trailed off, and for a moment Scully could see the young boy he must’ve been. His eyes were huge and sad, and despite his confrontational words, she could still hear the vulnerability in his voice.

She took a step forward and placed her hand on his chest, looking up at him. “I wanted that kiss very much, Mulder. But I just don’t understand you sometimes.”

He leaned closer, almost as if he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t miss a word of what she was saying, and that gave her the courage to go on. “Why did you invite me to come along to West Virginia this weekend?”

“Because the gunmen had found Mr. Murphy’s message on an internet site and his memories of the Mothman seemed accurate,” he explained slowly, clearly still not getting where she was going with this.

Scully nodded, her thoughts confirmed. He’d never intended anything personal to happen during the weekend.

Mulder was still watching her, his eyes darting between hers. But he kept silent, so she tried a different route to make him understand. “Mulder, why did you brush me off last night, when I came over to your motel room?” She searched his face, trying to see the truth in his reaction. But Mulder looked utterly confused.

“Brush you off? What do you mean?”

“When I came over to your room, Mulder, when I asked you if you wanted to take a break, spend time together, go out to dinner, maybe go to the movies?” She realized her voice had started to get an edge to it and took a deep breath to calm herself down. This was not Mulder’s fault, she reminded herself. Just because she had thought he’d finally made a move to turn their almost kiss into a getaway weekend with hopefully a real kiss or two, didn’t mean that’s what had been on his mind.

Mulder’s eyes softened, and he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Because I thought we could maybe spend some time together, looking for that Mothman. Reconnect. Remember how much fun we had when we were investigating these cases? How you’d call me crazy—and then go on a boat with me anyway to find Big Blue?” he smiled sadly. “I wanted to see you smile, and have some fun for a change, instead of all the shit details we’re stuck with every day now.” He placed his palm against the side of her face, his thumb stroking her cheek, almost tenderly. “Remember when we were in that cemetery in Bellefleur, Oregon? Our first case? The way you were shaking from the cold and the rain, your lips were blue. And yet you were so excited,” he smiled affectionately at her. “And your laugh. Despite it all, you laughed like you were the happiest person on the planet.” Mulder shook his head and took a deep breath. “Something changed for me that day, Scully. I knew I never wanted to ever do this alone again—and I wanted to have that this weekend. I didn’t want it to end, keep investigating until we were laughing about this case like we did back then.”

He let his arm drop and took a step back. “I guess that’s why I asked you if you wanted to come along. I just wanted to spend the weekend with you. Make you smile, do something exciting together, and maybe even show you a Mothman.”

Scully snorted, and Mulder laughed, reaching over and taking her hand in his. “That’s what I don’t get. You seemed to look forward to the weekend as much as I did. But then something changed. And it seems to be about—,” he paused, looking at her uncertainly, “not being in the mood for pizza?”

Scully just shook her head, squeezed his hand, and pulled him over to her sofa. They sat down together, never letting go of each other’s hands. “It’s not about pizza, Mulder. I guess we didn’t have such different ideas about the weekend after all. I wanted to spend time with you as well. And that Mothman did sound interesting—at least until it started to rain, and I was freezing—in the wrong clothes,” she explained, and Mulder looked chagrined.

“I should’ve told you that you would need hiking gear, shouldn’t I have?” He grimaced, and Scully nodded but didn’t reply. That wasn’t the point she wanted to make, though. “Why didn’t you want me to touch you?” she asked quietly, and Mulder’s brows drew in confusion.

“Didn’t want you—. Scully, what are you talking about?” He grabbed her other hand as well and pulled her closer, their faces only inches apart. “I don’t understand. And I really, really want to. When did I say I did not want you to touch me?”

“When I wanted to see if you’d gotten hurt. You moved away from me so fast, you’d think I’d burned you.” She bent her head down, ashamed of her neediness. She felt like a child, getting rejected over wanting a hug.

Mulder let go of her hand and put his fingers under her chin, lifting her face back to his. “Scully look at me.” When her eyes met his, she could feel them fill with tears, and she swallowed, trying not to let them spill over. This whole emotional roller coaster of a weekend was catching up with her at that moment. “There is never any time when I would not want you to touch me. Trust me on that,” Mulder said earnestly. “The reason I moved away was because I did hit my head pretty hard in the forest, and I didn’t want you to make me go to a hospital to get checked for a concussion.” He gave her a crooked smile.

Scully stared at him in disbelief. “Mulder—,” she started, but he put his finger against her lips to silence her and then bent his head down. “Scully, would you mind checking my head? I think I hit it pretty hard yesterday,” he said quietly, but his voice trembled slightly.

Scully stared at him until a slow smile broke out over her face. She placed her hand on his shoulder and kneeled next to him on the sofa, tenderly brushing her fingers through his hair, carefully inspecting the bump. She gave the back of his neck a little scratch while she was at it, and he raised his face to her, only inches away. Scully let her hands glide to his face, cradling it between her palms. “Your head seems to be fine, Mulder. Although—,” she whispered, but before she could finish whatever she had meant to say, he leaned in and softly covered her lips with his.

With a moan, she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Mulder didn’t waste any time and lifted her off the couch and into his lap. She felt her heart thunder in her ears and straddled his legs, gripping his hair with both of her hands. He moaned into her mouth and pressed her hips closer to his, jerking against her. This was what she had been hoping for all weekend. It’s still the weekend, her mind filled in helpfully, and she ruthlessly squashed the thought down, far too busy trying to get another moan like the one before out of Mulder.

She felt his hand sneaking under her sweater, stroking up her back, and a wave of heat coursed through him. Scully pulled back slightly, trying to catch her breath while Mulder reached out to pull her in for another kiss, but she put her hand against his chest, softly stopping him from moving in again.

“That’s why, Mulder. That’s what I thought I could never have.” She gave him a soft kiss on his upper lip and followed it with a nibble on his lower lip. “I wasn’t sure if I could keep going day after day, knowing that you didn’t feel for me what I feel for you.”

Mulder leaned his forehead against Scully’s. “You’ll never have to wonder about that again, Scully. Not as long as I’m alive.” He leaned in for another kiss, and she could feel his smile against her lips. Before he could deepen the kiss again, she got off of his lap and held out her hand to him. “Why don’t we move this to the bedroom, Mulder? I feel like we’ve done enough talking.”

Mulder didn’t need to be told twice.

[disappearinginq]

I’m so excited you like Steve Crain too! He’s been a favorite character of mine for years at this point, and doesn’t deserve the hate he gets.

It bothers me when people don’t recognize the responsibility that weighs on characters. They essentially lost both of their parents at the same time, and you know Steve had to be the one to step up.

This isn’t just applicable to Haunting of Hill House, of course. But I’ve noticed that fans vilify the characters that aren’t victimized as obviously / aren’t the main character.

Anyways, just wanted to share with a fellow Steve-enjoyed lol

New Bestie - same. I got into a very heated discussion about how if the Crain siblings are supposed to represent the 5 stages of grief, the fandom has Steve and Shirley switched around, because everyone says that Steve is Denial and Shirley is Bargaining.

Meanwhile, in the show, Steve spends his adult life going around not necessarily trying to debunk ghosts, but hoping that maybe this time, it will be ghosts, because then maybe his family will just be a different kind of crazy. He says his mom and his sister are sick, and they needed help. He reminds me more of Fox Mulder - the "I want to believe" vibe. But he also is in the unique position of seeing ghosts and not knowing about it. All of his ghosts are people with jobs, moving around the house like normal people. Everyone hears the dogs at night, not just him. He doesn't hear banging on the walls, he doesn't see creepy zombies in the basement, he doesn't have his future self freaking the hell out of him his entire life. He sees his mom - and as far as he's concerned (because this is a horror show, not supernatural, the world he occupies is the one we're in - no vampires and ghosts, etc, and that is Understood) it's just the mental illness that has gone through his whole family finally catching up with him. Anyone in this world who has a family member swear they're being stalked by a faceless ghost while they're high on drugs is going to come to same conclusion Steve does, which is that they're nuts. BUT - he looks for any signs that he is wrong. And I'm still mad that they cut out part of the first episode that has Steve refusing to write about his family anymore, no matter the price, while driving by an accident where he sees multiple people standing around, but when he turns away and the camera is the only one on the accident, you only see the firefighters/first responders.

Meanwhile, Shirley is 100% in denial about everything, including what her own ghosts were. In her House Nightmare at the end, she even denies what actually happened - in her version, she doesn't have an affair. The House actually calls her out on "But that's not what happened, is it?" When Steve is doing CPR on his dying brother, Shirley's first words are "This isn't real". She denies Luke from going to Nell's wedding. She denies that their mother had anything wrong with her, she's in denial that she's running her own business into the ground, she's in denial about the death of the kittens, she's in denial about ghosts too - even though she has much more explicit contact with them with the knocking, and with a witness both times (Theo). She's in denial about the night that they had to flee Hill House. Like if she says it often enough, then it will be true that her family is fine and nothing is wrong.

Sorry. Long rant. But I love this character and this show so much and no one ever wants to talk about it (except @amandagaelic, and she has listened to me for literally hours at this point). One of these days, I will actually finish the Haunting of Hill House fic I have, and it will be posted.

We might all be dead from old age, or so senile we don't even remember the source material, but I'll stipulate in my will that it has to be posted. :-D

AND YES - people have a weird habit of like...picking one character to defend and that's the end of it. No one else can do any right and that character can do no wrong. I see it in Yellowstone fandom a lot. Or in Marvel (the Steve/Tony argument made me leave it altogether). I don't know if it's because fandoms are now predominantly younger, louder/more obnoxious from the safety net of internet anonymity or what, but Seeing Things from Someone Else's Point of View seems to be a lost art in both media and reality.