#mulched

[defilerwyrm]

Growth capitalism is a deranged fantasy for lunatics.

Year 1, your business makes a million dollars in profit. Great start!

Year 2, you make another million. Oh no! Your business is failing because you didn't make more than last year!

Okay, say year 2 you make $2 mil. Now you're profitable!

Then year 3 you make $3 mil. Oh no! Your business is failing! But wait, you made more money than last year right? Sure, but you didn't make ENOUGH more than last year so actually your business is actively tanking! Time to sell off shares and dismantle it for parts! You should have made $4 mil in profit to be profitable, you fool!

If you're not making more money every year by an ever-increasing exponent, the business is failing!

Absolute degenerate LUNACY

[whisper-and-tangle]

when nobody else has ur headcanon abt The Character

[fawnduu]

Fresh cotton balls arrived today!!!

[royalarmyofoz]

AGATHA ALL ALONG 1.04

[clumsypuppy]

my attempt at making a fursona

[af-answers]

[hello-delicious-tea]

Funny thing happened… (it dropped twenty degrees overnight)

[goldetrash]

geno

[sorblr]

mista with a fat fucking head falling over

[tartppola]

this took like 3 days but im getting there!!!

[checkoutmybookshelf]

I mean...this combination of depth and toilet humor is literally Shakespearean, so A+ for Eoin Colfer.

[the-worm-jester]

I had a vision

Original under cut

Alternate images i wanted to use but didn't

[abnormalluna]

Homoerotic cannibalism is like crack to me. Best trope

[kings0kc]

Listen I don’t know who will see this but, for years I’ve seen art and fan art of Artemis Fowl when he died in like a suit and very groomed looking. Do you guys not remember like in the middle of the last book he,butler and Holly changed into camo gear, proceeded to swim through the fowl estates pond and then Artemis and Holly crashed a plane, and he says there’s blood on his face so most likely that’s an open wound on his head to, HE will NOT be best dressed I doubt that was even on his MIND. And also when he went to go meet Opal it literally states he was pushed down a hill and he smiles, theres blood on his teeth. So all the art should have been him looking far worse than it portrays. Also he Fr sprinted to the gate and jumped over a hole (?) you KNOW that boy must have been sweating his ass off😭

[petula-xx]

It's that time of the year again!!!!!

[weeinterpreter]

What the LEP Would Post on Social Media

🌰 Holly Short (Captain, certified chaos magnet)

Close-up selfies with bruises: “Day 4 of being shot at. Still cute tho.”

“This mission is confidential, but here’s a blurry shot of a troll eating a bench.”

Wears the same cap in every pic.

🦄 Foaly (Tech wizard, internet addict, conspiracy gremlin)

Long, unhinged threads about human stupidity: “Why your iPhone could never decode fairy encryption: a 33-part rant”

Co-hosts a podcast called “Underground and Unbothered”: weekly segments include “Root’s Rants of Rage” and “Mulch, Why Do You Exist?”

Uses his horse emoji as a signature.

🚬 Commander Root (The reason the LEP has stress leave policies)

Profile pic is a blurry CCTV still of him yelling

Only posts when furious, but then it's all caps, misspellings, and keyboard slams: “I SWEAR IF ONE MORE OF YOU POSTS ABOUT OPERATION BOGFOOT...”

Accidentally posted his grocery list once and blamed Foaly for hacking him.

💪 Trouble Kelp (Golden boy, tactician, and unofficial model for tactical gear)

Tactical gear thirst traps “for morale”

Quotes like “Discipline is magical” over black-and-white training pics

Once did a “5 Books That Shaped My Command Style” post. It went viral. Foaly mocked him for a week.

💩 Mulch Diggums (certified menace and professional escape artist)

Prison cooking hacks + “prison wine” recipes

Proudly posts selfies in stolen LEP gear: “They’ll never catch me again!” — tagged at LEP headquarters

Has been banned 7 times. Always comes back with a slightly different handle: mulch_diggums, mulchdiggz, m.d.wormboi

Want more?

What the Fowls/Butlers Would Post on Social Media

What the Villains Would Post on Social Media