#much like when I tried to remember Stand Get Up's chorus the only thing I processed was My Secret Heartbeats

[mirukiamauri]

Fun fact: when I try to remember how We're The World sounds like the only thing I get is Otome Attention Please

[tinytalkingtina]

Born to Run

Part 1 of Running with the Devil, a Steddie role reversal series

4k words | Rating: E

Tags/CW: Role reversal no upside down AU with some canon divergence, Jock/Track Star!Eddie, Metalhead/drug dealer!Steve, appalachian Eddie, confident bisexual Steve, Eddie has a sexuality crisis but is in denial, Eddie's sleeping mind decides to take matters into its own hands, wet dream (contains spanking and public humiliation), running of both the literal and metaphorical kind, child abuse referenced indirectly (physical beatings that happened in the past)

Read now on Ao3, and be sure to read @little-annie's Part 2 from Steve's POV, "Metal Health will Drive you Mad"

The sex dream within this fic is brought to you by the Week 4 prompt "slap" of the @steddiesmuttyseptember event

Eddie was always a runner. If you asked Wayne, he apparently skipped straight from crawling to toddling around as fast as his chubby legs could carry him. When he got older, it was a release valve, for everything and anything shitty in his life.

He didn’t have to think about his mom pulling a disappearing act, or his dad getting himself arrested (again). The world would narrow until the only sounds he could hear were the rushing in his ears and the smack of his sneakers on pavement.

Running had brought him to where he was now, as he clawed his way up the proverbial high school ranks. Anyone at this party would look at him and only see the triumphant senior captain of the track team, fresh off a successful meet. Every keg stand, every heroic retelling of a close race, every sloppy makeout session with a cheerleader, kept the attention on the Eddie of the present. 

No one needed to remember the wide-eyed weirdo with patched baggy clothes, nearly ten when his classmates would only turn nine that year.

All around him, the crowd ebbed and flowed between the alcohol and the bonfire, the flickering flames and shadows making it hard to tell who was who. Someone stumbled into Eddie, breaking him out of his brooding.

“Whoops, sorry Eddie! Guess I’ll have to make it up to you later.” Before he could say anything, the giggling cheerleader pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. (He knew he went on a date with her about a month ago, but her name eluded him. Tina, maybe, or Vicki?)

He forced a grin back. “Of course you didn’t mean it sugar. Gonna hold you to that ‘kay?”

The girl possibly named Tina swooned at the tiny bit of accent he'd carefully slipped in. Just a touch could be charming to the fine folks of the Midwest, even if what he ended up using was way less Appalachian hick and more refined Southern gentleman than his momma's family had ever spoken in their lives.

As soon as her back was turned, he let the smile slide off. His post-meet high wore off too quickly tonight, and it left him well, twitchy.

An arm slung itself over his shoulder. "Ed my man, this party is wild! Your best work yet dude." Tommy grinned at him, already drunk. Neither of them commented on how close Tommy was pressing himself into Eddie. Or how Eddie wasn't quite moving away. But then again, the two of them had perfected the art of leaving things unsaid after what happened sophomore year, how close they had come to—no.

"Heh, yeah. Hey, where's Carol? She's gonna be pissed you abandoned her."

"Please, Carol's fine. She's busy talking with Lisa Carmichael. Speaking of which, she's really into you. Come on, get your dick wet, you deserve it after that 800 meter. We're fucking going to states!" His last sentence was said much louder, and a chorus of cheers and whoops predictably echoed back from celebratory partygoers. The twitchiness grew.

"I dunno man, not really feeling it tonight." Eddie tried to subtly back up a little bit, but Tommy just swayed forward into his space again.

“Trust me, you won’t be feeling like that when you're balls deep in a nice tight—"

"Tommy will you just fucking stop? What's with your obsession with my dick huh?"

A look of fear and hurt flashed across Tommy's face for a second, before it was replaced with a scowl. Fuck that was the wrong thing to say and danced way too close to the thoughts about—nope, they were not gonna talk about that.

Eddie carefully pat Tommy on the shoulder instead of thinking. "Shit sorry, it's fine, you're just looking out for me, right? I appreciate it, just not uh, really in the partying mood for some reason." 

Tommy managed to recover his grin. "Oh, duh, why didn't you say so? That fucking freak Harrington finally showed up about thirty minutes ago. Sure he's got something that'll make you unwind a bit. Here, have one on me.”

Eddie wanted to snap that he didn’t need pity money. He got the kegs supplied just fine on his own, hadn’t he? But Tommy was still holding himself tensely several steps away. Tommy, who in sixth grade biked over every other day even after his parents had told him to stay away from the trailer park. Who “accidentally” always had a second pudding cup tucked in with his lunch for sharing. Whose summertime freckles were just starting to fade but Eddie knew still trailed down all the way to his—. 

Besides, maybe weed would take the edge off whatever ugly thing kept rearing its insistent head inside him tonight. Help him forget about the looming pressures of the future and the things he wasn’t going to think about, help him feel normal again.

“Thanks Tommy, I’ll try and relax.” Eddie grabbed the money and set off down the path towards Skull Rock, where Harrington always held court. The chill wind rustling through the trees was a welcome respite to his overheated skin.

The walk over to the next clearing was only a few minutes, but by the time Eddie came upon it, the thrum of bass and general teenage debauchery had faded into a low murmur.

Instead, Skull Rock reverberated with the sound of tapping and gentle humming. Eddie’s heart picked up a little.

Steve Harrington made him nervous. It wasn’t necessarily how loud the guy was. Eddie could understand the need to fill a room up. He could vaguely remember a quieter pre-pubescent Harrington before his dramatic transformation, dressed in tiny polos and khakis and halfheartedly kicking around a soccer ball. Now, his entire wardrobe consisted solely of black and red accented with flashy gold rings. The thick combat boots he wore constantly made him tower over everyone else, and the ever-growing collection of tattoos scattered on his body thoroughly scandalized each and every teacher. What they all meant was a perennial topic of discussion amongst the student body.

A voice echoed down from one of the boulders: “Oh hey, look who showed up, it’s Eddie Munson himself! Heard from your sidekick Hagan you’re the reason Hawkins is going to States.”

Steve was stretched out, lounging on the top of the rock, a pair of drumsticks held loosely in one hand.

“Yup, we are. First time in five years actually.” The state championships. There would be college recruiters there, and with them the promise of scholarships that’d get him out of this town. Somewhere far away from the looming threat of the plant bending his back prematurely like it had Wayne’s. Somewhere no one had heard the name of Al Munson.

“Well then.” Steve practically purred as he smoothly jumped down to the ground. He gave his drumsticks a twirl before stashing them in his pocket. “You sure got ‘em, didn’t you Tiger.”

Yeah, there it was. Seemed like sometimes, Harrington could see right through him, like he knew about how his thoughts occasionally strayed to—nope.

Eddie crossed his arms and tried to keep his face neutral. “Uh-huh.”

“Don’t you know it’s polite to thank someone when they compliment you?” Steve’s eyes sparkled with amusement. The fucker was toying with him. Worse, he was enjoying it.

Summoning every ounce of cockiness he possessed, Eddie stood up straight. Sure, this close Harrington had several inches on him, but it didn’t matter. Only one of them could throw the party of the year, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the unpopular weirdo in front of him.

“Shouldn’t you be the one thanking me? I let you sell your shit at my party.”

“Got a mouth on you, don’t you.” Steve smirked. “Tell me Munson, what’s stopping me from taking my goodies to, say, the basketball team’s next rager and skipping out on your little get together entirely? Don’t have to dirty my shoes at their parties. They choose to host at a house.”

Eddie gritted his teeth. “Hey fuck you man, not all of us have—”

“Didn’t say I minded,” Steve plowed on, interrupting him. “Maybe I like the fresh air and the…view. Just like to enjoy them peacefully.” He stood there with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised in expectation.

Eddie could feel his face flushing but he held his ground. “Never stopped you from helping yourself to our beer.”

“Free shitty beer, just what I look forward to.” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “I gotta say, wasn’t really expecting you to come here. Don’t you usually send someone else to get your fix?”

Eddie shrugged. “Needed a change. And we both know you overcharge Tommy.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Steve barked out a laugh. “But he deserves the asshole tax. Just weed for you tonight? There’s all kinds of ways to unwind if your usual methods are leaving you…unsatisfied there Munson.”

Vividly, Eddie was reminded of the graffiti scribbled on the walls above the urinals near the gym: Score a touchdown, then score with SH. More often than not, Steve could be found spectating the games, quietly dealing underneath the bleachers. On occasion, one girl or another could be seen emerging from underneath and brushing dirt off her skirt. But there was that other rumor, one that no guy would ever admit to having personal experience with. That if you won, Harrington would give anyone weed for free if they got on their knees for him and—woah there. What was wrong with him tonight?

“Th-think the weed is jus’ fine, ain’t lookin’ for much else.” he stammered out. Shit, why did his accent have to slip now of all times? “I mean, weed is all I need. Those fucking pricks from Greencastle got under my skin.” Assholes thought they were so big, mocking his out of style sneakers. Those shoes hadn't stopped him from shaving half a second off the regional record, but he couldn't help but still feel the barbs from their insults lodged under his skin, festering.

Steve cocked his head as he stared at Eddie with an unreadable expression on his face. Finally he broke into a disarming smile. Eddie couldn’t remember ever seeing Steve sincerely express happiness, at least not from this distance. He would have remembered how prett—how his eyes lit up.

“I’m in a band you know. Pierced Scepter. We play down at this shitty dive bar and yeah, usually it’s a crowd of four drunks and the bartender, but it doesn’t matter. Being on any stage is…fuck it’s awesome. But sometimes it’s a little too much to just pack it all up right after. So I come out here to scream my head off, get it all out. Better off terrorizing the birds than picking fights when my parents are around.” Steve unconsciously rubbed his palm as he laughed humorlessly. “Saves on the screaming matches at home and the. Well.”

“Didn’t realize rich folks got their own hands dirty like that.” Carol’s parents had left the task of punishment to her nanny, preferring to swoop in with carrots after the stick had been administered.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Pretty sure my dad would say something about how ‘real men are responsible for disciplining their kids so they don’t get soft.’ Though what he considers ‘soft’ changes a lot based on his mood. And whether he’s wearing a belt or suspenders that day.”

“G-d, who knew our dads have something in common then?” Eddie snorted. “Never could keep my old man happy, was always doing something wrong. He took the belt to me so often in third grade I barely could sit down the whole year.” His first time in third grade anyway, the one before he was whisked away to the safe haven of Wayne’s trailer.

“And…I have absolutely no idea why I told you that.” He barely talked about his dad to Tommy and Carol for crying out loud. On visitor’s days he always made up some lie about why he and Wayne were driving close to the state penitentiary.

Steve let out a weird little braying bark of a laugh and shuffled his feet. “Right, you didn’t come here to cry over our daddy issues. Gimme a sec to get your stuff.” Steve reached behind to grab the lunchbox he carried his goods around in. As he did, his jacket slid open enough to show the exposed line of his clavicle above the low-cut collar of his tee. Eddie swallowed hard. Against his will, his eyes dipped lower, noticing a design over the top of his pec in black ink. Oh, a new tattoo.

Eddie squinted trying to make out what it was. “It’s been a while since you gave O’Donnell a reason to lecture us on the ‘decaying morality of the modern day.’ Is that a two headed monkey?”

Delight flickered over Steve’s face. “This? Yeah, it’s new. Supposed to be Demogorgon, the ‘Prince of Demons.’” At Eddie’s blank look he chuckled. “He’s a monster from Dungeons and Dragons, you know, the fantasy game we play in Hellfire Club. It was the final battle of a months long campaign and our characters were trying to escape Demogorgon’s lair. Most of the party was close to death, but at a chokepoint, my character took a last stand and gave the others enough time to escape. Everyone else got out, even if the bastard got me in the end. So, I got this as a tribute to my character's sacrifice.”

Eddie spoke without thinking. “Oh, that’s kind of similar to what Gandalf did: facing off against the Balrog to save the rest of the Fellowship.”

Forget fleeting glimpses of real smiles. The look of surprise Steve gave him was almost comically out of place on his face. “You’ve read Lord of the Rings?”

“While ago, yeah. The Hobbit too.” Back when he first moved in with Wayne, the man had found an absolutely beautiful illustrated set at a rummage sale. Eddie smiled to himself, remembering how excited he’d been to get his first real present ever. “Spent a whole summer running around during the day, then staying up way too late reading all night. My uncle had to confiscate my flashlight eventually.”

A snort from Steve jolted Eddie out of his memories as he realized who he was talking to. “Don’t tell anyone that Harrington, or else,” he ordered as he flushed for the second time that evening, “The rest of your dorky club of nerds better not start bothering me in the hallway just because I’ve read Tolkien. Not going to step in to save them if they forget their place.”

Steve’s expression shuttered as he stood upright. “Right, wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation with the rest of your jock buddies.” Eddie was taken aback by the bitterness in Steve’s voice. “They might explode if you admit to having interests beyond banging chicks, sports magazines, and beer. Your secret’s safe with me. After all, who’s going to believe the Freakshow? Here.” He shoved a baggie in Eddie’s face. “That should be enough for about a week. Now get lost before I double the price.”

Eddie opened his mouth to apologize. But the artificial sneer on Steve’s face made him lose his nerve. He just held out his money as he snatched away the weed. “Thanks, uh, have a good night Harrington. Help yourself to something from the kegs.” He almost made it to the edge of the trees before Steve’s voice called out to him: “Hey, Munson!” 

He froze and turned. Steve had clambered back onto Skull Rock, moonlight and shadows making him look otherworldly and malevolent, towering over the clearing. “Keep that attitude of yours in check next time, or else I might take my services somewhere else. But, if you need more help…unwinding, well. You know where to find me.” That knowing smirk was firmly fixed back in place on his face. 

Eddie couldn’t help it. He finally gave into his impulses and ran.

He didn’t think about those plush lips drawn back into a genuine smile as he quickly navigated back to the party. He didn’t think about those amused eyes seeing right through him as he knocked back a few cups of beer and danced a little with anyone and no one. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about that tattoo surrounded by chest hair as he staggered home to an empty trailer and collapsed into his bed.

“You look so good there, kneeling for me Eddie.” Steve looms over him, those ringed hands on his hips. Eddie realizes he’s naked in the clearing and flushes with embarrassment. When did he take off his clothes?

Any thoughts on how he ended up here are derailed when the wind caresses his body. Oh. Tendrils of air race over his exposed chest and glide over his heavy balls and dripping cock. 

“And look how much you’re enjoying it too.” He’s never been this turned on in his life, and it’s all because of Steve. All for Steve. He’s powerless to prevent a moan from falling out of his mouth. 

“You act so big at school, like you’re the top of the food chain yeah? A real king of the jungle. But you and me, we know better. You’re not a scary tiger at all are you. No, you’re just a cute little kitten.”

Eddie can’t help but whine as he spreads himself wider in invitation.

“Yeah, thought you’d like that.” Steve crooks a finger and gestures for Eddie to follow him. “Come on kitten.” Eddie begins to get up, his legs tingling with pins and needles.

“Mhm, no. I like you better down there. In fact, I think you should crawl.”

He shudders but obeys the sound of that voice, would do anything for it. He stays on all fours as the path unwinds before them, until they come to a door. Eddie moves as fast as he can to follow Steve through, tumbling into the void within. He flails, plummeting until a familiar wax-polished wood rushes up to meet his palms. Eddie doesn’t dare get up from his hands and knees as he lifts his head but-

The gym is filled to the brim. 

Their classmates sit silently, blank looks on their faces as they stare. They’re waiting for something to happen. White hot shame courses through his veins as he desperately tries to cover up.

The voice cuts smoothly through the haze of his embarrassment: “Look at them kitten, they’re all waiting for a show. Let’s give one to them.”

Steve nudges him onto his back. He grabs his wrists and pulls them away from his body, exposing Eddie to the crowd. No! His face is on fire as he tries to fight it, but he can’t seem to break free, his strength sapped away. Steve tightens his hold on his wrists.

“Settle down Eddie, let them see you. You love this.”

He knows Steve is right. He can’t hide how hard his aching cock is, slapping against his belly as he squirms. But he can’t help it, they’ll all know. Faint whispers drift down from the stands as the crowd watches him struggle.

“Please, don’t make me do this,” he begs, but the words get caught in his choked up throat.

“I think you’ve forgotten your place. Maybe you need a reminder that you can’t hide, not from me.”

Steve hauls him up and easily slings him over a shoulder. Eddie lays there limply, frozen and whimpering. He’s unceremoniously dumped on top of a teacher’s desk right at the center line.  Hands come up to squeeze at his nipples, hard. Just the way he does when he’s alone. His cock twitches and drools even more from the groping. 

Eddie blinks, and suddenly the bleachers are that much closer.

“Be happy kitten, all the attention is on you! Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?” Oh G-d. Every eye is fixed on him, the buzzing of interest growing louder.

“No, I don’t want this, I don’t want you!” He shouts as loud as he can but the words come out muted and garbled.

Steve barks out a cruel laugh. “God, you’re pathetic. But then you’ve always been so good at lying to yourself haven’t you? You were the one who kissed Tommy, not the other way around. But when he went in for more, you pushed him off and ran away.”

Through the blur of tears, he can just make out Tommy’s face in the crowd, wearing the same accusatory and hurt look he had two years ago.

Steve leans down to nibble at his ear. “And,” he whispers, his voice silky smooth. “Let’s not forget how in the back of your head you imagine me shoving you against a locker and making you take it. Or sometimes, I threaten you with my knife a little out in the woods, yeah?”

Without warning, Eddie is manhandled over Steve’s lap. “Good news, guess today’s your lucky day kitten. I’m going to make you take it until you admit to everyone what you really want.”

SMACK!

The first slap to his ass sounds loudly, echoing around the gym. Eddie nearly swallows his tongue trying to keep quiet. The spectators in the stands let out a gasp for him.

But Steve doesn’t stop there. He keeps going, until Eddie feels like his ass is on fire.

He finds himself pleading for Steve to have mercy, slipping back into the accent he tries so hard to keep a lid on normally.

“Ha, there he is, finally. You can dress yourself up in a varsity jacket all you want, but we all know what you really are. Just a piece of trailer trash. You can’t run from this you dumb hick. Tell me what I want to hear.”

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t. “Fine, then take your punishment.”

Smack after smack rains down on his ass. The pain builds and builds, and the crowd gets louder and louder. But underneath the humiliation, he remains hard and grows even more desperate. Every slap sends him thrusting, his cock trapped between Steve’s muscular thighs. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Ha! And you jocks call me the freak. You’re the one humping my leg and yowling like you’re in heat. Pain turn you on kitten?”

That’s all it takes to push him over the edge. 

He cums to the sound of cheers.

Eddie woke with a jolt and a gasp, his whole body pulsing in the aftermath of the most intense orgasm he’d ever experienced. 

Trembling, he curled up into a ball and let the tears fall. This was nothing, just a passing thought his brain had gotten attached to. All he had to do was survive the year, and then he could be finally free of Hawkins, and the living ghosts that haunted him.

If only that had been the last time he dreamed of Steve Harrington.

Two weeks later, Eddie woke with a fuzzy head and even fuzzier memories of the night before, vaguely remembering a ringed hand stroking his hair. On his nightstand was a glass of water, some Tylenol, and a note from SH telling him to take it easy. 

After that his dreams changed. Sometimes he wasn’t humiliated at all, and those tattooed arms kept him safe and cared for. It felt worse almost, to have his subconscious offer up such happiness, only to snatch it away when he woke to an empty bed. He didn’t dare spend the night in the arms of a girl at her house, worried he’d reveal himself for the freak he was.

A full month of torment and countless hours of lost slumber later, Eddie finally had had enough. He grabbed his keys and tore off in the direction of Steve's house, praying that Carol wouldn't see his van in her neighbor's driveway at this time of night.

As he rang the doorbell, he didn’t know what to expect. But it certainly wasn’t the sight of a sleep rumpled Steve answering the door in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Somehow, seeing his bare hands felt more intimate than the lack of shirt did.

“Munson? Gave me a heart attack, thought my parents were back a day early. What are you—”

“Hey,” Eddie interrupted, wide-eyed and feeling slightly crazed. “Can we talk?”

Ao3 link

It's finally here! This began life as a brain worm that Annie and I have turned into a whole fully expanded universe. We can't wait to write more with these two :D

Tagging a few folks who showed interest in the original Wiggly Wednesday post (but please feel free to ignore): @eyesofshinigami @augustjustice @griefabyss69 @hairstevington

@dreamy-jeans137 @eriquin @hbyrde36 @hotluncheddie

Thank you to steddiecameraroll-graphics for the runner divider!

[bottlesofrouge]

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part one.

word count: 6.9K

warning: their home lives kind of suck but that's it! (i think)

1 JUNE 2018

in the month of june, the sun rises around 5:25 am every morning in new york. sometimes it rises a few minutes earlier, and sometimes it rises a few minutes later, but lynn knew as soon as the first ray peaked its way through the blinds, her mother would be fully dressed, standing in the kitchen, and tapping her way through work emails that had mysteriously piled up overnight. growing up, lynn found this routine comforting because it never changed, weekends and holidays included. if she woke up and it was light outside, she knew her mom would be standing behind the breakfast bar with a stack of blueberry pancakes (made by her very wonderful au pair, elena) planted in front of her. she would sit on the stool across from her, and talk her mom's ear off. little lynn thought her mom's lack of responses was due to the fact that she was so tired from waking up so early every morning, but now-lynn realizes she just didn't really care that much.

her fingertips brush across the back of the stool sitting next to her, and it's almost like she can see a seven-year-old lynn sitting next to her. the slight glow of the numbers on the oven clock illuminating her features as she tells her mom about her chorus concert that was taking place in the evening. her grin widens as kathleen tells her she'll be there after she finishes work. although, elena will be the only familiar face she sees in the audience, and now-lynn knows it will always be like this. elena's familiar face amongst the crowd with her mother nowhere in sight.

the oven clock reads 5:13 am, and lynn decides to go over to the kitchen sink to splash some water on her face, trying to wash away any indication that might suggest she had not moved from the stool since she sat down nearly five hours prior. because that would be crazy, but also entirely true.

"you're up early," her mom's voice flows from the bottom of the staircase as soon as the first ray bounces off the granite kitchen counter, illuminating the room a bit more with its glow.

"i am," she reaches for the stool that she just got up from as her mom places a fresh cup of coffee in front of her.

kathleen says nothing else. instead, she reaches for her macbook that has been charging on the counter overnight, and lynn assumes she's immediately opening outlook. that's how it usually went the mornings after she'd spent the night. she'd stare at the wall for a few hours, trying not to let the sounds of her mother slamming the keys of the keyboard annoy her too much.

honestly, lynn didn't know what her mom did for work. she tried to explain it to her on a few occasions, but the only thing she understood was that it was extremely time-consuming. kathleen once said she was the only one in her office that had children, and she thought that maybe her mom should've followed in their footsteps.

"you'll be ready by 11, right? and you'll help me make sure the girls are ready?" kathleen says. she doesn't look at lynn until a few moments pass with no response. they make eye contact and her mom raises her brow. "the barbecue, lynn. remember?"

"right. i've got it. don't worry."

"your coffee's getting cold," her mom points out.

lynn tips the mug around before taking a sip. it's definitely cold, but she denies it and takes another sip before telling her mom she's wrong. there's really no reason to. it's only a cup of coffee, but she thinks she'll do just about anything to spite her.

her dad walks in and the entire atmosphere changes. he kisses kathleen's forehead and lynn can't help but cringe inside. it's absolutely sickening and she can't understand why her mom would ever take someone like him back. she had said lynn would understand when she was older, but it's been fifteen years and she still can't wrap her mind around it.

"good morning," he says as he pours himself a cup of coffee. "are the girls up?"

tuning out whatever her garbage father has to say is the only gift that lynn is thankful for. as soon as he opens his mouth, her ears magically turn off. it's something she'll be eternally grateful for because she thinks hearing peter's voice for more than four seconds would send her into a spiral.

growing up without a dad was a lot less horrific than some people may think. lynn didn't feel like she was missing out, and she didn't think her life was doomed to be a failure because of his absence. she honestly never thought much of her dad. that all changed when she was eleven though, and she walked in the door from school to see her parents moving all of her dad's belongings back into the same house he had moved out of eleven years prior (after having an affair with her first au pair before she had even turned one). needless to say, the sight of peter's face is enough to make now-lynn physically ill.

"are you going to be in such a sour mood all day, lynn?" she rolls her eyes at the words and makes no move to respond. it's silent once again, and the only sound that can be heard is kathleen's occasionally slurping.

it's nearing ten when her sisters finally wake up. jane is the first one down the steps. she's got the blanket she's had since she was born clenched in her fist as her other hand is holding the railing to make sure she doesn't tumble down the staircase. the little girl wordlessly makes her way to the kitchen, where she finds lynn making her blueberry pancakes covered in maple syrup.

"lynn," she yawns, fist rubbing her eyes. "you're back already?"

"m'only here for the barbecue mom insisted i go to."

"aw, man," the girl stabs a piece of her pancake and rests her head in her hand, a sigh pushing past her lips.

"i know. i miss you, too, jane." her fingers brush the other's hair away from her face as she eats. "i'll visit you a lot, and you know you and amelia are always invited over. all you have to do is ask."

jane only hums in response to her sister and puts all of her energy back to eating her pancakes. it's not long until amelia comes down the stairs. she looks almost as disheveled as their youngest sister. her hair is in a messy knot on top of her head, and she's still sporting last night's pajamas. lynn can't help but wonder where her mom went off to, and she feels a little queasy when amelia says she already knew lynn was visiting. simply because the kitchen smelled of food.

she makes sure jane's hair and teeth are brushed before finding her a little summer dress that screamed neighborhood barbecue, and then she braids amelia's hair away from her face before getting herself ready. there were only ten minutes before they had to leave, so lynn opts for a pink two-piece set she ordered from a random website online that probably specializes in drop shipping, and retouches her leftover makeup from yesterday before joining the two girls in the living room where they were watching some new disney movie that jane probably asked to be put on. it would be an understatement to say she was tired. her eyes felt heavy and she could barely hold her head up. she thinks that if she fell asleep now she could get out of this whole thing, but kathleen comes walking down the staircase, crushing her dreams of an afternoon nap.

"really lynn? that's what you're wearing?" and the girl should be upset at her mother's words. she really should, but after spending twenty-seven years hearing them, she's gotten used to them. "there's someone there i want you to meet."

lynn rolls her eyes as she walks to the foyer, "i'm not the next contestant on the bachelorette," she slips her shoe on. "and i'm definitely not dressing up for one of your friend's sons."

surprisingly, her mom drops it. lynn would be lying if she had said that she didn't find it the slightest bit alarming. her mom would've spent the entire two-minute-long drive trying to sell her on this mystery boy, but instead she reminds the girls that dance camp starts on monday... and then she asks lynn to take them.

when lynn gets out of the car, she can only focus on one thing, and that was how hot it was outside. it wasn't just a little uncomfortable. no, it was absolutely sweat-running-down-your-back roasting. she decides on pulling her hair up off of her neck which earns another comment from her mother. honestly, she tuned this one out, but she thinks she said something about lynn's masculine features becoming more prominent when her hair was tied back.

it's not long before kathleen starts introducing the girls to all of her friends. a woman asks if jane and amelia were her grandkids, and when her mom says no, she said that she couldn't believe how similar the girls looked to their nanny while nodding over at lynn.

there was honestly nothing she found more repulsing than this damn neighborhood barbecue. she hated it when she was seven, and she hates it now, twenty years later. it was hot and the air felt thick and humid. all she wanted was a nice long nap. she could picture it now. fresh, crisp, cool sheets and-

"lynn adams," kathleen's snapping her fingers in front of the girl's face, and it takes everything in her not to swat her mom's hand away. "don't be rude. this is my friend from yoga, marianne. she has a son-" and she doesn't know what else her mother says because as soon as the words leave her mouth, kathleen's voice sounds something similar to the bland tones of the parents in any charlie brown special, and before she knows it, marianne from yoga is hugging her and leading her towards a boy who looks like a young, unshowered, mick jagger cosplayer.

✮✮✮

harry's parents invited him over for lunch, and he really couldn't say no. he missed his mom's home-cooked meals, and honestly, he really never cooks actual meals for himself. he's found that cheap vodka and whatever mixer he could find in his cabinets worked as a great substitute. he'd never admit it, but he was excited to see his parents. sure, he lives only twenty minutes away, but he doesn't really ever have time to make a visit. failing all of his classes and frequenting the town's bar really took all of his energy.

when harry gets to his parents, he sees his sister's car in the driveway, and he thinks it's going to be a nice little family meal, something he hasn't had since he started going to college. but it's not. and really, he should've known better. no one wants to be around him.

when he stepped inside, his family and family friends were waiting for him in the living room. they sat in a circle and they all held folded pieces of paper in their hands. it took them a minute to realize that they were hosting their own intervention.

the entire event was so uncomfortable, and it made harry hate himself more than he already had. he knew he had a problem, and he also knew that he could stop whenever he wanted to. he did, in fact. he only started drinking again because he was craving validation. it doesn't really make sense to anyone but him, but he found it was easier to get someone to go home with him after he had been drinking. it gave him the confidence he needed, simple as that.

when his mom started reading her note, she was sobbing, and it made harry cry, too. it wasn't because what she was saying moved something deep inside of him. it was because he couldn't understand why they felt the need to embarrass him in front of so many people he wasn't really comfortable with. a phone call asking harry if he was okay would've worked just as well, but they never called unless it was to tell him just how disappointed they were in him.

so now he was at this stupid event for a neighborhood he hasn't lived in since he turned 18. his mom had asked him to come, and he felt like he couldn't say no. he was scared he'd push her into holding a second intervention, and honestly, he didn't think he'd be able to handle that.

it was hot and noisy, and there were kids everywhere. harry hated kids. they were gross and dirty, and they always found a way to piss him off. they were part of the reason that harry was so big on safe sex. he would literally have to change his name and move continents if he were to get anyone pregnant.

he's sitting at one of the picnic tables alone. his dad was lucky enough to skip the whole thing, and gemma claimed she was busy. his mom didn't mind though, and harry couldn't help but wonder why she was so adamant about him going. originally, he had thought that maybe she had wanted to spend some quality time with him, but nearly an hour had passed and marianne was still talking to her book club mom friends, not really showing interest in introducing them to her son. harry wasn't too surprised, though. his mom never really introduced him to her friends anymore.

marianne loves him. harry knows that. she only ever wants what's best for him, but she always goes about it the wrong way. maybe some kids needed an hour-long phone call lecture about how they'll never amount to anything if they don't finish their degrees. his sister was one of those kids. he remembers sitting at the kitchen table while his mom scolded her on the phone, and her dad did in person. john had driven the six hours to gemma's college town to bail her out of the county jail after a crazy night during her freshman year. needless to say, after that phone call, it never happened again. what his parents failed to realize was that harry wasn't gemma, and maybe he just needed someone to hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay.

he notices marianne moving away from her book club group and towards a family. there was an older couple, a girl that looked about his age, and two younger children. harry couldn't help but wonder what that family dynamic was. perhaps she was the girls' nanny, or maybe she was even a third in the parents' relationship. if it was the latter, it would definitely be a little harder to get her to sleep with him, but he always liked a good challenge.

"harry," his mom pulls him from his thoughts. he blinks and suddenly his mom and the nanny (slash possible unicorn) were standing in front of him at the other side of the table. "this is lynn, kathleen's daughter."

"who's kathleen?" he takes a drink from his cup (which held nothing but ice cubes and water) before wiping the wetness off of his mouth with the back of his hand.

marianne's face turns red, "kathleen from yoga." she says it slowly like it should ring a bell, but harry's not too familiar with the attendees of the 'Yoga Over 40' class. "kathleen and i thought you guys should talk. maybe get to know each other today," and before harry can open his mouth to say no thank you, marianne is pulling a chair out for the girl and then walks away.

"i'm lynn," she says like marianne didn't introduce her thirty seconds ago. she holds out her hand, but harry's already in a foul mood and he senses lynn (he thinks that is a terrible name) would be an easy target to humiliate.

so instead of shaking her hand like a decent human being, he looks at her over the top of his sunglasses and pops the spearmint gum he's been chewing since he got here. "not interested."

"don't flatter yourself," she rolls her eyes and leans forward, resting her forehead on the palms of her hands before crossing her arms in front of her.

"so you're telling me you weren't just begging my mom to introduce us?" his eyebrow quirks and he has a small smile forming on his lips. "'cause it looked an awful lot like that."

she smiles at him, white teeth and all, "trust me when i say i would rather act as a speed bump at the entrance of this neighborhood, waiting to be taken out of my misery by an unsuspecting hybrid toyota prius."

"weirdly specific," he takes another drink. "is that some sort of kink of yours?"

"maybe," her eyes bore into his. the look on her face is so bland, harry can't quite get a read on her. she looked the opposite of him. lynn had blonde hair and blue eyes. the only thing the two had in common was their curly hair, and so harry was obligated to think that it wasn't totally unattractive. "is yours watching mommy pick up girls at the neighborhood picnic for you?"

"ha. ha," harry's voice is emotionless. "tell me, lynn. have you ever considered going into comedy?"

"no, but i'm certain that everyone in the local comedy crowd would love my work. i'm thinking i could enter a piece titled 'desperate mom tries to pawn off loser son'. what do you think? i could credit you if you'd like." she smiles at him again, and he can tell by her eyes that her smile is fake. harry thinks if she were wearing sunglasses he might think she was trying to make a joke rather than a dig at him.

"kathleen thought we should talk," he reminds her. "i wouldn't be climbing on your high horse just yet."

the silence that followed hung around them like a cloud, and it was quite awkward. lynn didn't seem to mind though. she was off in her own world, daydreaming about god knows what. if harry were to take a guess, he'd bet that she was thinking of fairies and rainbows, or whatever else children under the age of eight think about during their free time.

"do you want to get out of here?" harry's popping the gum in his mouth again. "we could have sex. i will say you're not my usual type, but i can always appreciate a good body.

"gross," she leans back in her chair, her face showing disgust almost as if his words could contaminate her. "what's your usual type? wait let me guess," she taps her finger on her chin for a moment. "brown hair and pretty green eyes. i assume it's the closest thing you'll get to fulfilling the fantasy you have of fucking yourself."

"you think my eyes are pretty," he says, completely disregarding whatever else she said.

"i can appreciate nice eyes when i see them," she says. "don't fall in love with me yet."

lynn's wearing her hair pulled away from her face, and harry thinks it suits her. she has some sort of matching outfit on. it's shorts and a button-up top, made out of the same soft material. it's baby pink, like her lips, and she's dainty?? harry doesn't know if that's the right word, but she looks small and soft. like if she were in an arm wrestling competition with a fly, the fly would win. the tiniest smile, really it was barely a smile, makes its way to his face because... well, he thinks she's pretty.

"got something on my face?" she asks, and harry's waiting for a snide remark to follow, but she's serious. lynn has no idea that he just spent the last five minutes shamelessly checking her out. the fact that he was caught makes his cheeks burn a little, and harry shakes his head.

"you know, maybe we should get out of here after all," her fingertips brush over the back of his hand as she speaks.

"you want me to rock your world, huh blondie?"

she nods and sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. harry feels his whole body growing hot as she leans towards him again. "you wanna know what would really rock my world, harry?"

"hmm?" he hums, leaning forward to meet her in the middle of the table. honestly, this whole thing was wildly inappropriate for the high point hills annual family barbecue, but he didn't really care.

"you taking me back to yours," she leans even closer and harry can feel her words against his ear. "and letting me have the longest, most-mind blowing nap i've ever had."

"you're sick, lynn," he pulls away from her to see one of her fake smiles across her face. "but, i never leave a woman unsatisfied. let's go."

"really?"

"your prius wet dream sounds hotter with every second that passes here," he stretches his arms above his head when he stands up. "and not having to hear your voice is a huge plus."

"has anyone ever told you how charming you are, harry?" she accidentally bumps him with her hip as they walk towards his car together.

"your mom has multiple times actually. she tells me after every night we spend together," and he bumps her back, maybe a little too hard because she almost loses her balance when their hips collide.

12 JUNE 2018

throughout grade school, lynn could always count the number of friends she had on a singular hand at any given time. it wasn't that she was disliked or anything like that. she was just rather quiet and didn't feel the urge to talk to anyone unless she was being spoken to. her senior year friend group only took up four out of her five fingers, and it consisted of jacqueline, luke, silas, and violet. they met in their mathletes club at the beginning of her and silas's senior year. both luke and violet were juniors, and jackie was only a sophomore. the five of them parted ways, each going to a different college in various different states. luke ended up being the closest to her when she was in college, and even then he was four states away.

however, the distance didn't keep them apart. it was a tradition that they all met at least once a year, usually in their hometown. they would go out, maybe grab a drink, or go to the local bowling alley, but this year, jackie was in her final semester, taking the three condensed summer courses she needed to graduate when everyone was in town. having never skipped a year in nearly a decade, the five of them decided to have dinner on jackie's campus in between two of her night classes. that's how lynn found herself sitting around boxes and boxes of take out and drinking cheap wine out of hydroflask surrounded by her best friends.

"how's ren, silas?" jackie's voice pulls her back into the conversation. "i thought you'd bring them."

silas takes lynn's hydroflask from her hands, and swallows a huge gulp before clearing his throat. "i asked them to marry me," he hands the drink back to lynn. "and they said no. i guess they weren't really the marriage type."

"dude," luke shoves him. "why didn't you tell any of us?"

"it was something i needed to figure out on my own. i loved ren, you all know that, but i really want the whole thing. marriage, kids, all of it. in a way, i was the one who left them, but.. ren's engaged. i found out last night, and i don't really know how to feel about it."

"i'm sorry, si," lynn rests her head on her friend's shoulder. "you deserve better than that."

"when did you guys break up?" everyone turns to glare at violet, but silas offers her a smile.

"six months ago. i think it's a valid time frame, but we were together for four years so," he shrugs. "i don't want to think too far into it. as long as ren's happy.. that's what matters to me."

"why can't all men be like you?" jackie says. "when i broke up with chad, he stalked me for a week before sending me a $500 venmo request for wasting his time."

"his name's chad, jackie," luke laughs. "i'm not sure what you were expecting."

luke's eyes catch lynn's and he smiles at her so warmly she can't help but smile back. the two dated briefly when they were in college, keeping their romance strictly between them. but every time luke smiles at her like that, it reminds her of the many times she'd open her dorm door to find him sitting on her bed, grinning at her like... actually, there was really nothing to compare it to. she called it his sunshine smile because it was warm and bright, and it was all hers.

and then one day it wasn't. lynn remembers sitting at their yearly hangout, luke's new girlfriend glued to his side. clara yawned, he gave her that smile, and then took her home early. lynn wanted to rip that smile off his face and put it in her pocket to be hers to keep forever. and when luke showed up at her door the next morning asking if she was sure—if them not being together was really what she wanted. she said yes, and the dream of ever getting that sunshine smile back was crushed.

so now she settles for the close-lipped, warm smiles luke offers. she takes them in and tries so hard to lock them up in her memory. the way luke made her feel is something she never wants to forget, and she can't believe she threw it all away for some dick that lived across the hall.

sometimes when she can't sleep at night she thinks of luke's drunk phone call. he was a blubbering mess, but she managed to make out when he asked if lynn had cheated on him, and when lynn said 'no, but we should break up', he cried. she couldn't bring herself to hang up, so she sat there for nearly ten minutes listening to luke's heart break. she wonders if luke remembers that phone call, too.

his sunshine smiles are still reserved for clara (til death do them part), and the only other people he shares them with are their children, a toddler named thomas and a baby named ivy, and every time she sees them she can't help but wonder if they were supposed to be hers. it's not that she was still in love with luke or anything like that. she loved him in the most platonic way possible, but she deeply missed what they shared because it was good. he was good.

"earth to lynn," silas waving his hand in front of her face is what brings her back. "come back to us, darling."

"sorry, she sits up, no longer leaning on her friend. "i don't know where i went."

"are you still not sleeping?" violet's voice is so full of concern and it makes lynn's cold, grinch-like heart grow a few sizes.

"i sleep during the day," she stuffs a spoonful of the cake silas had brought. "it works. i'm okay."

"you know we love you," luke says. "you can always stay with clara and i."

"don't know if you'd want that. i'd probably steal ivy," she takes another bite. "god, she is one cute baby."

the group laughs, and lynn disappears in her own head for the next hour. she doesn't come back until jackie stands up, declaring she'll be late for her next lecture, and the rest of the group follows. luke leaves a few minutes later when clara sends a picture of ivy in her pajamas, and lynn thinks that she should never take him up on his offer because she would definitely make national news for kidnapping the girl. violet leaves with him because they parked next to each other, and she doesn't remember where that was exactly.

"thank you," silas says. "for not telling them about ren." lynn had known since the night of the doomed proposal. silas had called her from the comfort of his beaten-up honda civic and cried to her for hours.

she nodded, "of course. you asked me not to."

"yeah," he leans back on the blanket, and lynn follows him. the sun was just setting and she thought the sky was gorgeous. "i know." his voice breaks off, and she knows he's crying.

"silas?"

"hm?"

"did you know luke and i were together?"

"what?" he sits up, wide-eye staring at the girl.

"when?"

"a few years ago. when we were both in college."

"it was bad?"

"it was good," lynn says around a yawn. "so good, actually. sometimes i'm scared i won't have anything on that level again."

silas runs a hand through his hair, and furrows his brows. "what happened?"

"i left him for you know who," her hands grip his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "and silas, please don't tell anyone this, but i regretted it for so long."

"you don't anymore?"

"no," she shakes her head and her hands fall to her lap. "seeing him with his family, silas. he's so happy, and that's worth every second of pain i caused. that's why i'm telling you this. if ren is really happy, it'll be worth it. i promise. it'll all feel okay."

silas pulls lynn into his chest, and she can feel his tears wetting her hair. "im so grateful for you, el. so incredibly grateful for you."

"you know i feel the same about you."

when he pulls away, he's looking at her with misty eyes and saying he needs to go catch his flight. they say their goodbyes and lynn even lets a tear of her own fall because he was the person she felt the closest to out of the entire group. they were the same age, and there was something a little trauma bonding about going to college alone, hundreds of miles away from home.

lynn lays back on the blanket, everything from their dinner still left behind. she's overly tired and feels like the world would explode if she had to move another inch. a quick nap under the stars is calling her name. her eyelids are growing heavy, and-

"i could steal your purse right now," the voice startles her awake. "it's sitting so far away from you and you seem to have quite the chunk of cash hanging out."

she turns her head to see harry sitting next to her and groans. "don't you have like, i don't know, a mick jagger cosplay convention to go to."

"i'll take that as a compliment, lynn." he looks down at her. "i was just making sure you weren't dead."

"how thoughtful," she sits up and leans back on her arms. "you should've just left me for the vultures, though. being picked apart by them sounds much more appealing than having a nice little chitchat with you."

"always flattering yourself, aren't you, blondie?" he gives her a lopsided smile. "couldn't have anyone finding your dead body on my campus after i took you home with me a week ago. it's too suspicious. plus, my mom doesn't really have the time to be making #freeharry posters and organizing rallies."

"i, in ghost form, would learn to speak to children just so i could tell my sisters you're guilty."

"that's who you were with at the barbecue?" he leans back on his arms to match lynn. "your sisters?"

"yeah," her finger pulls the collar of her shirt away from her neck. "i'd prefer not to talk about them right now."

"okay," he drops his head to the side, and he looks at her. it was so unfair that such pretty were wasted on someone like him.

"what? you don't have a list of questions ready to rapid fire at me? that seems unlike you."

"of course i do," he says. "but you said you didn't want to talk about it." eyes now narrowed, he licks his lips before finishing. "and you don't know me, lynn. not at all."

harry was right, and it made her feel a little guilty. when he took her home with her, the two didn't speak at all once they got to the car. the ride was quiet and she rested her head against the cool window and let her eyes fall shut. he showed her the guest room, and that was that. she immediately fell asleep, and when she did finally wake up, it was around midnight. harry was already sleeping, but he left her a note (which said he would take her home in the morning) and a plate of whatever he made for dinner (its important to note that harry made the entire meal free of the big 8 allergens) (because he didn't know if lynn had any food allergies). she ordered an uber instead, and miles drove her the whopping fifteen minutes to her parents' house in exchange for five stars and a three dollar tip.

"thank you," she offers him the slightest smile. really, it's so small harry would probably need a telescope to see the way the corners of her mouth were upturned. "for the other night."

"you're not the first girl to thank me for bringing them home," the words make lynn's eyes roll, and whatever guilt she felt in the very bottom of her stomach for judging harry is long gone. "im only pushing your buttons, blondie. lighten up," he nudges her with his shoulder and that is the tipping point for lynn.

"because women being sexualized by disgusting men is so funny, harry," she watches as his eyes grow wide. almost like he's shocked. like no one's ever told him differently.

"lynn, i didn't-"

she holds her hand up. "you should go."

and he does, not before giving her a pained look which only made her want to roll her eyes harder. lynn watches him leave and pretends not to notice the way his shoulders are slouched over more than they were the first time and the way he drags his feet like he's a thousand pounds heavier. her eyes focus back on the squirrel that's still running around the tree once he's out of sight. why were college campus squirrels always so large?

the next thing she knows, jackie is poking her side and pressing her palm against lynn's chest almost as if she was checking if her heart was still beating. a sigh falls from the girl's lips when she realizes that lynn is alive, and she can see a line in between the girls brows through her half closed eyelids. she notices jackie's chest heaving, almost like she was trying to steady her breathing. the heavy, hot ball of guilt finds it's way back into her stomach. she hates having her friends worry about her.

"sorry, jackie. i fell asleep," she yawns and reaches above her head to stretch out her back.

"are you okay, lynn?" jackie's staring at her with such intensity, she thinks this is probably what it feels like to be in an interrogation room after your life-long enemy mysteriously disappeared. "like genuinely, are you doing alright?"

"im tired," she offers her a big smile. "that's all. im fine."

jackie narrows her eyes and tilts her head skeptically, and lynn is doing her very best to not burst into tears because there's no reason for her to be crying. her friend's face softens, and she stands up, reaching her hand down to lynn.

"c'mon. let's clean up. you're staying the night at mine." lynn doesn't argue because she really does want to stay with her friend. it's been so long since she's slept at jackie's despite her only living an hour away from the girl's school. "and i usually take the bus, so you're driving."

lynn smiles at her as she helps pick up the dinner mess that the group had left, and she can't help but wonder how she was lucky eough to have such great friends. they've known each other for nearly a decade, and still care for each other the same way they did back in high school. she knows that if she were to tell jackie how she moved out months ago and still hasn't slept through the night at her own place, silas's flight would be missed and violet would drive the six hours back just to be with her.

deep down, lynn knows she can't sleep because of something a little bigger than an uncomfortable bed, but she chooses to ignore it because her therapist had said she was doing very well, or whatever that meant. it was like her doctor just marked her with a stamp, big red lettering reading 'HEALED' across her forehead, and that was supposed to make everything feel okay forever. her friends and family were so proud of this milestone, lynn didn't know if she would ever be able to tell them that maybe the big red stamp was wrong. and that was the thing, it didn't always feel wrong. only during those long sleepless nights and cloudy, rainy days.

she feels lied to, really. everyone said healing wasn't something that just happened overnight, and of course, she knew that. (who didn't know that?) they pushed this idea that lots of therapy and sometimes a few medications would help her get better. and that's the thing. she did feel better. with each hour spent on her therapist's couch came the slightest bit of feeling better.

what she didn't realize was that feeling better and feeling yourself again weren't mutually exclusive. she feels a thousand times better and yet she's never felt farther from who she used to be. honestly, that version of her might be dead, and that is something she never wants to face.

"i've lost you again, lynn," jackie's leaning over the center console to rest her head on her friend's shoulder. "that brain of yours must be pretty nice for you to be spending so much time in there."

"i just got the biggest feeling of deja vu," lynn brushes off her worries as she parks in the designated parking spot. "this is new, right? i haven't visited you here before?"

the two girls meet at the front of the car, lynn helping the other with her huge course textbooks that probably cost more than her rent.

"don't think so. luke and clara brought the babies to visit once, but i don't remember if you were there."

lynn shakes her head. it wasn't that she avoided luke and clara, but she tried to spend minimal time around them.

jackie lives on the fourth floor of her complex. each staircase has approximately thirty-two (she counted) stairs, and by the time they get to the top, lynn is completely out of breath. she leans on the wall outside of the girl's apartment door as she fumbles through her tote bag full of god knows what.

"i was in such a rush this morning," she gives her a sympathetic smile. "i just tossed my keys in here."

lynn holds back a groan as jackie piles whatever else she's holding on top of the stack of books in her hands and then kneels on the ground, dumping out the contents of her bag as she searches for her keys that look to be nowhere in sight. she hears an elevator ding and lynn wants to do nothing more than roughly shove her friend over with her foot because why did they walk all the way up ninety-six stairs when there was a perfectly functioning elevator mere feet away?

"why didn't we take the elevator, ja-"

the most obscene kissing sounds fall out of the elevator as soon as the door opens. it sounds like someone is slowly pulling one hundred suction cups painfully slow off of the walls in there and lynn wonders if it's some kind of swingers group because there's no way two people could be kissing that aggressively.

"found them," jackie stands up, brushes off her pants, and looks towards the elevator.

"m'neighbor... has someone over every night."

she's proven wrong when a girl walks out, her arms draped around a boy's neck. he's kissing her and walking her back so she's pressed against the wall, and lynn can't look away. not even when the two turn, and she realizes its harry. not even when harry's eyes catch her stare. and not even when the girl starts sucking on any exposed skin her mouth could reach (harry was still looking at lynn) (and she was still looking at him) (and his lips looked nearly bruised) (not that it matters).

jackie steps between them, and by the time she grabs all of her things, harry and the girl are in his apartment. she can't help the small laugh that escapes when she realizes the girl had brown hair and pretty green eyes.

✰✰✰✰

a/n: all of this is getting reposted because the format is driving me absolutely craaaazy :(

[noforkingclue]

Looking After You (River Cartwright x reader)

Summary: you're the newest person in Slough House which means you have a lot to learn about your new office. That also includes your new co-workers and sometimes things aren't always what they seem...

Author's Note: Going for something a bit different and trying a darker fic for this fandom! You guys know how much I like a darker fic :)

Warnings: stalking

Slow Horses tag list: @cillmequick

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

A chorus of groans followed your goodbye as you reminded everyone of where they were stuck in for the rest of their careers. You grimaced as you wrenched at the door and huffed when it opened with a loud bang. You had to shut the door with equal force. Once the door was shut you let out a sigh and stared at the grim alley.

Another painful journey home.

It wasn’t like your journey was a particularly long one but you always had the feeling that something was amiss. Spy senses, which might’ve been dulled by your time in Slough House, were once again awakened. You shifted from foot to foot as you looked around but couldn’t see anyone. Maybe River was right and it was just in your imagination.

Still, you didn’t want to be here all night. People might get the wrong impression and think that you actually liked working at Slough House. You thudded down the metal staircase, careful not to slip. It had been raining earlier so you needed to be extra careful. Usually the rain would wash away any grime and unpleasantness but at Slough House all it seemed to do was bring it up to the surface.

You couldn’t help but look over your shoulder as you headed towards Barbican tube station. Usually you headed towards Farringdon so you decided to go to a different station today. Maybe this would throw off your potentially imaginary stalker.

At first, everything seemed fine. While your stomach was initially in knots the feelings began to ease. You relaxed into your seat on the tube, thankful that you actually managed to grab one in the middle of rush hour. As your tube hurtled towards your stop you thought that maybe, for once, River was right. Christ, if that was the case you’d never hear the end of it.

Then you felt it.

The eyes on the back of your head.

Your hands curled into fists as you looked about the carriage but it was the middle of rush hour. People were crammed together like sardines and you had no hope of seeing anyone that you might recognise. Still, you needed to get off. You stood up sharply and pushed your way to the door. Immediately people swarmed around the empty seat despite knowing that only one of them would be the lucky person to nab it. You needed to be quick, if your timing was off you could fuck this all up.

As the tube pulled into the next stop you swore and pretended that it wasn’t the station you needed. You cast a longing glance back at your seat, which you got a smug look in return from the person that stole it. If you had Roddy’s skills you would’ve drained her bank account and put her on a sex offenders list by the end of the day. However, that wasn’t your plan. Just as the doors were about to close you jumped off the tube. They closed with a snap and off the tube hurtled to its next station.

The sense of freedom returned.

You looked around the platform and all you could see were complete strangers. They grumbled at you for standing in their way and you knew you were just another dick getting in their way. They probably thought you were a tourist (perish the thought). You pushed your way through the crowds as you tried to remember your training.

Use a different tube.

Go in the opposite direction.

Wait.

Patience is key.

Whatever you do- do not rush.

Act like any other Londoner and don’t draw attention to yourself.

You hated how easily it was to slip back into spy mode and how much you realised you missed it. Damn, another thing River was right about. You could suddenly see why he was so desperate to get back into the action.

Half an hour later you exited your tube stop and took a breath of fresh London air. Well, not necessarily fresh but fresher than underground. You stuck your hands in your pockets and stuck as close as you dared to the shadows. Still couldn’t be too careful. When you finally got to your flat you let out a sigh of relief and collapsed against the door. You never felt those eyes when you were in your flat but still…

You had the sneaking suspicion that someone had been in there.

*

River had initially started this with good intentions.

Honestly.

He did.

He just wanted to make sure that he had your address. He knew everyone else’s (apart from Roddy’s and Lamb’s that is) and following his colleagues came easily. You joined after what happened with Hassan Ahmed and after that business River had been a bit… paranoid. He wanted to make sure that he knew where his colleagues lived just in case another situation arose where they needed to get to their homes.

So why did he keep following you?

Maybe it was because you were still new to the team and still finding your feet. You had taken Sid’s place in his office which briefly threw River. He wasn’t expecting someone to take Sid’s place so quickly and yet, here you were smiling at him. Now that definitely threw him as no one ever seemed to smile, unless it was Lamb thinking up a new way of torturing them. Everyone else at Slough House were miserable bastards but you were trying to keep your spirits up. It didn’t take River long to uncover that that was just a front. In reality you were just as downtrodden as the rest of them.

He just wanted to see your smile again. That one you gave him when you first joined Slough House.

Maybe that’s why he kept following you. Yes, he could see that he was stressing you out although you hadn’t mentioned anything. You hesitated just before you were about to leave for the night and for a second River though that you might ask him for help.

Can’t you see? That’s why he’s doing this.

To look out for you. To make sure you got back safely. This was all for your benefit so why were you so keen on losing him? It was admittedly impressive how you managed to lose him on the underground, even if it was only for a short period of time. Training never truly leaves you.

River kept in the shadows as he watched the light on your flat flick on. You were back home, safe for another night. He slunk back into the shadows as he headed back to his flat. He wondered how much your home would compare to the tiny place where he existed. He wanted to explore more of it. Of course he had to do a sweep for bugs, no one else was going to look after a Slow Horse. The only ones to look after them were each other.

And that’s exactly what he was doing.

Looking after you.

You just weren’t aware of it yet.

*

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

River looked up from his and into your nervous face. You shifted from foot to foot and hugged yourself tightly. Immediately all his attention was on you.

“You just did,” he said, hoping that his teasing would put you at ease, “but you may ask another.”

You seemed to relax a bit but only a little. You bit your lip and looked around before coming slightly closer. River could just smell your perfume. It had died down by the end of the day but he could still get traces of it. He wondered if your sheets smelt the same?

“Look,” you said, “I wouldn’t usually ask this but-”

You cut yourself off and looked away, biting your lip. River had the sudden urge to thumb it free before you hurt yourself. You sat against his desk and River, after only a moment's hesitation, patted your hand awkwardly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked

“I think my stalker is back.”

And here it goes. River gave you his best disbelieving look and leant back in his chair. He, reluctantly, had to let go of your hand. However, if everything fell into place that wouldn’t be for long.

“Have you told Lamb?” he asked

You snorted and shook your head.

“Lamb wouldn’t give a fuck,” you said, “he’d say something about being more concerned about my stalker’s sanity for following me then me being followed.”

Maybe you had a point but you were still new. You hadn’t yet realised just how possessive Lamb could be over His Horses. But if Lamb knew, or even suspected, something was going on he hadn’t made any indication that he was aware. Although like you said, Lamb probably wouldn’t care.

Probably…

“So what do you want me to do?” he asked

“Walk me home.”

River raised his eyebrows, pretending to be surprised. Of course this is what he’d been working towards but part of him didn’t actually expect it to work. You looked down at your hands and said quietly,

“Please?”

He reached over and put his hand over yours. He gave it a brief squeeze and gave you a soft smile which you reluctantly returned.

“Of course. Set off now?”

“Didn’t think you needed much of a reason to leave the office.”

If anyone noticed you and River leaving the office together they didn’t comment on it. River was glad about that fact, he didn’t want any unnecessary questions. The two of you walked in comfortable silence towards the tube. That was one of the many things River loved about you, that silences were never awkward. He noticed you stiffening as you neared the tube and instinctively he wrapped an arm around you, bringing you closer to him. You stiffened briefly and for a moment River was worried that he had pushed you too far but then you relaxed into him.

Fuck, he loved your perfume.

“Feeling ok?” he muttered when the two of you were on the tube

He had to bend down to say that. The tube was noisy and cramped and the two of you were squished together, which he wasn’t going to complain about. His lips brushed against your ear and your breath hitched at the soft, intimate action. This was the closest you had ever been to your co-worker. You knew that if the others saw you now they would mercilessly take the piss out of you.

“Yeah,” you said, “I appreciate this. I owe you.”

“Don’t mention it. Although you do owe me a pint.”

“Agreed.”

You rested your head against River’s chest. Fuck, you felt so right against him. Pressed up against River, his arm around your waist. He never wanted this feeling to end although, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. When the two of you arrived at your stop River was almost reluctant to let you leave.

“Feeling better?” he asked as the two of you left the station

“Yeah,” you gave him a playful nudge, “maybe you should walk me home every night. If my stalker sees a big, strong man with me maybe they’ll leave me alone permanently.”

“Big and strong,” River gave you an amused smile, “never knew you felt about me in that way.”

“Oh I’ve learnt a lot about you just by sharing an office with you.”

River looked down at you and you gave him a bright smile. He didn’t realise just how disarming a smile could be.

“I’m sure you could learn a lot more about me by, umm, having dinner with me.”

“Dinner,” you gave him a surprised look, “are you asking me out on a date?”

“Depends if you say ‘yes’.”

You pursed your lips as the two of you came to a stop outside your building. River had to force himself to follow your lead, he was so used to following you home that he already had the way back to your memorised. You glanced up at your building and shook your head and took a step away from him. River resisted the urge to pull you back against him. To press his lips against yours and to tell you just how much he loved you.

“River,” you said, “I care about you but I really don’t think we should be doing this.”

“Why not? Min and Louisa-”

“And we both know how that ended,” you shook your head and took a small step away from him, “I’m sorry River.”

“No, it’s fine,” it wasn’t, “this won’t change anything between us?”

“Of course not,” you gave him another bright smile, “thanks for walking me back, I really appreciate it.”

“You didn’t feel anything?”

“You mean my stalker? No, I didn’t.”

That wasn’t what River meant. He wanted you to tell him that it felt right, the two of you travelling home together. You curled up by his side as the tube hurtled towards home. But no, that wasn’t how you felt.

“Good. Glad I could help. If you ever need me, you know who to call.”

“Ghostbusters?”

“Very fucking funny.

River waited until he could see you were safely in your flat before moving back into the shadows. Ok then, that hadn’t gone as he had entirely hoped it would. He wouldn’t say that he was surprised but maybe, just maybe, he needed to increase the pressure ever so slightly.

After all, he was just looking out for you.

Couldn’t you see that?

[sco07ut]

what just happened!!!!!!!! s19 rambles (negative) ↓

going to be messy cos im just planning on writing whatever outrageous moments stand out as i go along

first of all????? DOC FUCKING DIED?????????? i literally had to rewatch a few times to realise that’s what they were saying 😟 when the fuck did he die bc doc eas Inside the staff of charon and wash was fuckijg idk?? on the surface of chorus right?? how did doc die saving him what (genuinely someone smarter than me if you’ve figured it out please tell me) bc like the point of the charon fight is that they were stuck in the mementos room right? idk

anyway he was done so dirty i literally do not think there was a reason to reveal doc was dead in the last five minutes

on that note, where was donut?? did he die too ? how long after chorus is s19 set like was that undisclosed location iris or what. did he do his whole ‘tour of the universe’ thing early? like i would’ve been fine with even just a passing comment but they were so vague with it

WHY DID SARGE DIE AND THEN PROMPTLY BECOME IRRELEVANT????? aside from simmons grif & caboose not a Soul mentioned the fact that a whole man was dead. i was so convinced that there would be some big funeral with everyone attending at the end

i did sort of like the plot though, simmons getting a leadership role was kinda fun

tbh i did like simmons this season it was so great seeing him finally get recognition but good grief i cannot talk about simmons without bringing up the ending/lack of grimmons

it makes sense that they wouldn’t get together if grif went home and simmons stayed in the army BUT WHY DID SIMMONS STAY IN THE ARMY?? RICHARD YOU DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING TEAM ANYMORE (on that note. where did lopez go. i’m only just realising that he literally vanished) i’m so insane why did they do that. they could’ve gone home together. and kissed about it idk

i mean i didn’t actually expect grimmons to happen but i thought they’d stay together?? it’s always been them. like that’s the whole point of their characters. every other person who’s been on their team before has died and left them (grif sleeping through being glassed, hammer dying during basic, the red team at rat’s nest and now sarge and donut i guess?????) why did they not stay together

also on the grif family note, the kai cameo was nice (though i will say i do Not understand the point of the whole retro con thing, i feel like it went on for ages, did nothing to set up the plot. the meta could’ve been introduced some other way surely)

also while i’m thinking about it, why did it take tucker/the meta months to get from chorus to a point where he was actively searching for epsilon ?

anyway sorry kai cameo fun but she should’ve had a bigger role idc

it kind of feels like they suddenly realised almost all their female characters were overlooked and they tried to shove them in to be like ‘ohhh look we care about our female characters’ and then screwed them over by making them either insignificant or nothing more than a cameo

with the exception of tex maybe. i fully did not expect her to come back prior to watching but when caboose was like oh help me remember i started to get a feeling it wouldn’t be church. i’m also so glad they addressed the whole ‘created from failure/destined to fail’ thing, tex fuckijg deserved that win. sad that she died though (i wasn’t expecting that either and was like fully geared up to start making post restoration fanart of carolina and tex hanging out and learning how to be friends/family again)

idk i just feel like we missed out on so much stuff due to time constraints, there were so many scenes that should’ve been put in imo like carolina and tex having some sort of moment together, grif and kai having a moment, carolina & wash seeing 479er again

ok wait different chain of thought. everyone was like really eager to kill tucker. there was no moral dilemma of everyone being like ohh beneath the meta hes our friend we can’t hurt him but we still need to take him down what’re we gonna doo. although on second thought it was red team so . yeah the mindless attacking does make sense a bit

new thought again overall it just felt weird like everyone had their assigned pairings and couldn’t acknowledge anyone outside of them?? like during the fights there wasn’t much of a reunion when tex/carolina joined and then wash (and apparently not fucking doc) like idk. i was under the assumption thatvthere would be a sweet little scene where they got the gang back together

whatever man that’s everything off the top of my head. i had no expectations going in and still somehow left disappointed. i Will be making an au version that fits all the things i wanted to see

[mostlymaudlin]

okay. can neil sing? can any of the foxes sing? thoughts pleSe

okay i am not very good at Music stuff beyond just liking it, so i had to consult with my more musical friends @sillyunicorn and @starwarned ...i have a more informed opinion now. and im going to express it thru narrative, bc im me:

hold on to that feelin'

andreil, rated t, 1k

it’s been almost ten years since the palmetto state foxes won the ncaa championships and changed the world of exy. 

neil knew there would be things that would happen — sports fans love an anniversary. but he thought maybe they’d do a ceremony back in palmetto, or a magazine write-up or something.

he had not expected a film studio to want to make a whole documentary on the subject. he had not expected to learn this news on a call with ichirou, who had told him in no uncertain terms that neil would agree to do the film, and that he would be as personable and camera-friendly as he could muster. 

neil had especially not expected the filming to involve… karaoke. 

it’s one of several excursions the crew has taken the old team on this weekend. the film will include interviews and old footage, but it will also be interspersed with clips of the team “hanging out.”

“the bond you all created is part of the narrative of your win,” the director told them. “we want to capture the fact that you were the first team of foxes that actually got along.”

no one corrects this narrative. the documentary is going to be the hollywood version of neil’s freshman year. it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows and campfires and bumper cars and, apparently karaoke.

“i’ve never done this before,” neil says, holding the microphone awkwardly. 

“andrew!” nicky chides. “you’re the one responsible for giving him Real Boy lessons — how could you have deprived him of karaoke?”

andrew is lounging on one of the sofas in the small room they’re all crowded into, scrolling through the song selection to pick something for neil.  “yes, because karaoke is something i obviously consider essential to the human experience."

“raise your hand if you’ve done karaoke before,” allison says. she’d gone first, singing a show tune that drew complaints from half the room in a booming, enthusiastic voice. everyone except neil and kevin lifts a palm — including a reluctant andrew. “okay, yes, this makes sense. kevin, you’re next.”

andrew stops scrolling. “you know this one,” he tells neil. “just follow the lyrics on the screen.”

the title and artist flash up on the screen, but neil doesn’t recognize them. he slides andrew a look, but andrew only gestures impatiently back to the screen. 

just a small town girl

livin’ in a lonely word

“oh,” neil says, finally recognizing the song despite the instrumental version playing. “i do know this.”

“then sing it!” dan says. 

“just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit…”

neil sings. he can’t remember if he’s ever tried before, and he’s not sure if it’s going as intended. a couple of foxes laugh, and he’s self-aware to know that’s probably a bad sign. but whatever. how many of them made the us court? neil knows what he’s good at. and he’s done enough terrible commercial acting gigs to appease ichirou that he doesn’t much care about how bad he is at this type of shit. 

the others join in for the chorus and carry him through to the end. the cameras are rolling, and neil can admit that he’s kind of having fun. he is killing this camera-friendly thing. he is definitely not going to get a knife to the gut this time around. 

when he’s done, he turns back to the room. it’s quiet for a second, and then allison cackles so hard that she nearly falls off her stool. nicky and matt join in immediately. dan stands to give neil a hug, but she’s laughing too. renee hides her smile behind her hand.

“yeah, yeah,” neil says, waving them all off. he holds the mic out. “kevin, your turn.” 

kevin puts on an air of confidence when he struts up to the makeshift stage. he chooses a song by the black-eyed peas, and his stance is rigid and determined as the music starts.

“i think i know this one too,” neil whispers to andrew once he sits down in the narrow space between him and matt. andrew knocks his elbow into neil’s side, shushing him.

hmmm. kevin doesn’t sound quite like the song that neil’s heard on the radio. he turns around once he’s done, glaring at the room, daring them to react. they do, anyway. 

“there, i did it,” kevin says, dropping the mic to the floor and stomping off.

renee mostly sounds like she’s talking when she sings "hallelujah," but she smiles through the whole thing, so there’s less ridicule involved. matt and nicky give and energetic duet on a shania twain song that neil has heard each of them singing in the shower at different points before, and alison says it makes her ears bleed. aaron earns a surprised slow clap after singing “someone like you” by adele — “a doctor who played exy and can SING… maybe katelyn isn’t settling after all,” nicky comments. dan goes all out for a whitney houston song. 

“are you going to go?” neil asks andrew when nicky takes the stage for a second time. 

“absolutely not,” andrew murmurs, eyes on his cousin. neil huffs a laugh, but settles against andrew’s side to watch the rest of the madness.

later, when neil and andrew are back at the hotel, neil crawls across the bed to where andrew is sitting. andrew pulls neil in by the collar of his shirt for a kiss.

“aaron can sing,” neil says against andrew’s mouth. 

andrew shoves him back, making a face. “and?”

“is it genetic?”

“i don’t know.”

“hmmm,” neil says, flopping onto his back beside andrew. “i’ve never heard you sing. i’m curious now.”

“that’s because i don’t sing,” andrew says. 

neil sighs, knowing a dead end when he sees one. “fine.”

he gets up to get ready for bed, and then nearly dozes off when andrew takes his turn in the bathroom. he blinks a few times when andrew crowds against neil’s back, pressing kisses to the side of neil’s neck. neil is nearly asleep again when andrew’s voice pulls him back, soft and slow:

“blackbird singing in the dead of night

take these broken wings and learn to fly…”

neil doesn’t really know what constitutes as good or bad. but he knows that he likes the sound of andrew’s voice. he wraps his fingers around andrew’s wrist where is lays on him stomach, and andrew goes quiet again.

“keep going?” neil requests, voice only a whisper.

andrew heaves a sigh. 

“all your life,

you were only waiting for this moment to arise…”

[cosmicalart]

WIP Wednesday

Scheduled on: 2023-09-12

So this post, along with the rest of the fic, almost didn't happen. I'm perfectly fine now but for those of you interested in my hospital adventure Sunday night, I'll put it under the cut.

Now, I've just about wrapped up chapter two of 'Baz to The Past", I also will have plenty of free time next week, so depending on the progress of chapter three (and how much of chapter two I may need to rewrite) I may be able to start posting the chapters this Sunday on AO3, a whole week earlier than I initially expected.

??? POV

“Fine.” With a huff, Simon stands from his chair and marches out of the room slamming the door behind him. Once his footsteps have faded down the hall, Baz pivots on his heel towards me. “What in Crowley’s name was that? Who’s to say he’s not turning us in right now? You didn’t even seal the deal with magic, there's no consequence if he goes against it!”

Putting tags before the cut this time. IDK who's already posted so no pressure, generous tags to say hello, and if you're not consider yourself tagged if you wanna join.

@aroace-genderfluid-sheep @buffy @thewholelemon @prettygoododds @cultofsappho @fatalfangirl @artsyunderstudy @aristocratic-otter @j-nipper-95 @raenestee @cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @haikuziejacuzzi @larkral @ionlydrinkhotwater @rimeswithpurple @sailor-blossoms @facewithoutheart @valeffelees

Hospital story under the cut

So Sunday night after work I had a small edible, (I need to preface that it was small and half of what I'd usually take because people tried to blame what happened on the edible) Now I also hadn't eaten dinner yet even though it was 9pm and was craving Mcdonalds (I have a stack of free meal coupons because I work there) so my fiance drives us and our friend who was over to Mcdonalds, then we stopped at our friends place cause he ended up deciding to stay the night and wanted to grab some things.

Everything was fine up to this point, weeds kicking in, having a good time, we got back to the house and ate our food, I'm setting up my laptop to get some writing done, things are good. My fiance is watching youtube poops (just random funny youtube videos if you're not familiar) and normally I don't find them that funny but I was laughing cause I could see the tv from where I was setting up.

Now this is where things go bad quickly. I ended up laughing while trying to swallow my burger and choked, I still had food in my mouth as well as food in my throat as I had been swallowing when something in the video just hit me and made me laugh, so I could not breathe now and panicked, like just froze trying to swallow what was still in my mouth while trying to breathe.

I didn't need the Heimlich, it managed to go down on its own and I could breathe again but something didn't feel right. I felt like something was jammed in my chest as well as the back of my nose and it burned. I tried drinking to see if that would clear it like maybe it just felt funny because I choked. That was not it. After a minute I ended up throwing up and a bit of what felt stuck in my chest dislodged and I realized I legit had food stuck in my lungs.

I was immediately light-headed and felt my heart racing (though that was probably cause panic was setting in) so I went to the living room with the cat freaking out at my feet, told my fiance something wasn't right, threw up again, and then they helped me to the couch because I started losing consciousness.

I do not remember the drive to the hospital, I don't even remember getting there, I just have vague memories of a nurse pulling my hair to check if I was breathing, people screaming my name as I blacked out because I wasn't breathing, vomiting several times trying to clear my lungs, and apparently arguing about wanting a fudgcicle on the way home only to then vomit and pass out again.

I had to be informed about what happened afterward because I stopped breathing several times and had my lips turn blue. From the second they put me on the couch to the morning after when I woke up miraculously alive and in bed, I remember nothing.

Joked with @valeffelees that clearly the universe wanted to give me the good ole' fanfic writer "So I almost died" author note

[misc-obeyme]

HI HELLO IM BACK, I HAVE MY NOTES WHEEE. I had to go back and re-read where i left off. ajsjd idk if anyone else is waiting for updates on my silly little poly story but here is the next part

I mention this diner that's open, and Solomon cuts in like "That's right, didn't you say they had the best cake batter milkshake you've ever had? And I recall you gushing about the food, specifically the mozzarella sticks." "It's the same one ya showed the menu off to us and how they had 20 something flavors, ain't it?" "And Mammon, you wanted to try the cinnamon one, right?" *Cue Mammon looking perplexed*"Sol, wha... Yeah, I-I mean, how the hell did you remember that? I said it so long ago.." "It's easy to remember the things my favorite people enjoy. :]"

How to make two people tsunderes short circuit 101. I'd like to think this is the realization for both me and Mammon about Solomon. Mammon does his little scoff and tries to play it off and it backfires, "So what you're sayin' is, I'm always on your mind?" "Hm. Yes. That feels accurate." "EH?!?" Meanwhile, I'm definitely trying to tamp down the feeling and shove it in a box.

Basically Mammon is "Oh. Oh." and I am "Oh. Oh. Aw, fuck."

okay but Mammon drives us to the diner and we sit in a booth, and they're sitting on the same side and we each other a milkshake and fries to share !! Mammon takes a fry, throws it in the air, and catches it in his mouth. Unfortunately it's hot as hell since it's fresh so he's fanning his mouth and dying internally, peak dumbass. Solomon and I can't help but laugh, and I find myself laughing a little too hard and oh. There's this realization that feels like a cold bucket of water and I'm all "Oh. Oh.. Oh, shit." because HELLO? WHY CAN I FEEL THE FONDNESS IN MY OWN GAZE WHEN I LOOK AT THESE TWO DORKS, MY FACE FEELS HOT, AAAA.

I immediately rip open my straw and focus on my milkshake, trying to convince myself I'm in a silly goofy mood. And idk why, but I can't stand cherries. Cherry flavored things? Awesome. Cherries? No. So i end up placing the cherry on a napkin but I keep the stem (you know where this is going). Solomon sneakily takes the cherry, as Mammon is already sipping his cinnamon shake (definitely horchata flavored).

Solomon pops the it into his mouth at the same time I present the cherry stem now tied into a knot on the tip of my tongue, and suddenly both of them are flustered and choking. (I've only been able to do this once irl, BUT I CAN SAY I'VE DONE IT)

Anyway I'm stuck between laughing so hard I snort, and reaching my hands out towards them both across the table in concern. I try calming myself down, but one look at their red cheeks and I'm a mess again. I think Mammon would flick me on the forehead and say something about my milkshake melting if I don't stop giggling. We end up leaving slightly after 2 am.

We're all in the car, Mammon is driving along the highway. Stars are out, windows down, and the radio is blasting. And then fall out boy comes on !! Because when that band plays, I turn into a different person.

Of course I'm giddy as hell, and Mammon even reaches over to turn it up. You know what's playing? Favorite Record (that just feels like such a fitting song). Mammon and Solomon's eyes meet in the mirror, and there's no words spoken, but everything was said. Because Mammon said he was just playing stuff from his liked songs. Which means, he either lied and made a playlist for tonight OR he started listening to them because I enjoy them so much (it's the second reason)

And in the beginning, I was kinda humming and mumbling the lyrics as I progressively get more confident. But when it got near the chorus, I can't help myself. Suddenly I'm happily singing along, loud and unashamed.

Mammon feels his heart stutter. The roads are empty, so he sneaks a glance at me. And he wonders if this is love, or the beginnings. Because oh. Oh. He's never seen me so carefree. This is his realization moment. And he vows to get to know more songs if it means having another moment like this. Solomon is in the backseat, recording because he's never seen me so energetic before (unless I was gushing about an interest, but there's still a sense of hesitation when I do). Don't mind him, he's making a mental note to google karaoke clubs.

I'm partly embarrassed when the song ends, but no one says anything, so I calm down pretty quickly. It's not long before we arrive at Mammon's apartment/shop. Solomon and I grab our things from the trunk, and follow Mammon inside.

okay that's it for now !! sleepover is next !! i think playlist drama comes after ?? I can't remember. This got long ajsjd. Also I'm making an outline of the songfic, so the bullying kinda worked. I was daydreaming about it on the bus. It WAS gonna be a Mammon pov thing about my mc or maybe reader, but now I'm like 🤨 what if... solomams.... the lyrics fit more for them together... I could write two fics but they'd be basically the same with minor differences. Hmm. Who knows. We'll see. Also my friend/coworker made me some decorations to put on my bag that were solomon and mammon inspired 😭 so sweet. OKAY BYEEE I'M FR DONE NOW AJSJD

- ✨ anon

Ahhhhh Solomon flirting with you two is the cutest thing EVER.

Also who do I have to kill to get a horchata flavored milkshake?? Because that sounds like the most delicious thing I've ever heard of in my life.

I am LIVING for these realization moments!! You singing your heart out to one of your favorite songs a;ldskjfljkdfjkdf

This is so cute I'm dying! I don't know about everybody else, but I am fully invested in this story and I will not be satisfied until I know how the whole thing goes!!

You've fully converted me into a solomams shipper, too, by the way. It's because I just LOVE the way Solomon teases Mammon in a flirty way, that is seriously so cute! But I gotta say, it's even better with your MC involved...

I await the sleepover with baited breath!

[renee-writer]

He Didn't Have to Be Chapter 7

AO3

I am ready. After all, I already had one wedding under my belt. When Uncle William asked me to be his best man, I was so proud.

 

“Anya will make an excellent flower girl and Jamison ( my newest brother, six months old), he will be the ring bearer.”

 

I recall laughing. “If he doesn’t eat them Uncle William.”

 

He laughs along with me. “Dinna fash. You will have charge of the real rings. The ones your brother will carry will just be for show.”

 

My chest pops out even further. At eleven years old, I know how much trust he is placing in me.

 

“Thank you, Uncle William.”

 

William meet Rachel two years before this. Daddy said, “She is the one. He looks at her like I look at your mum.”

 

He was right.

 

I made funny faces at Jamison as we wait to do our part in Uncle William ‘s wedding. My baby brother is dressed similar to me, in a tiny kilt. Anya is wearing a fancy dress. She twirls around and I roll my eyes.

 

“Lasses are silly, Jamison.” I confess to him.

 

I was so excited when mum and daddy told me the newest baby would be a lad. I love Anya but I don’t much in common with her. A brother though…

 

“When you get older, we will do so many fun things. Play football, ride ponies…”

 

“I can ride ponies.” Anya interrupts her primping to inform me. I know she can. At granpa’s and grandma’s, she helps with the horses too.

 

“Aye, but…” I don’t know how to explain it and fortunately I don’t have too. Just then, daddy comes in.

 

“Are we ready children?”

 

“Aye daddy.” Anya echoes it and he lifts Jamison up from his seat.

 

Maggie, my cousin and the maid of honor, is pulling Jamison in a wagon, down the aisle. In his lap is a pillow with the fake rings.

 

Anya and I are following them. She will scatter flower petals ahead of Rachel.

 

Then my siblings will join our parents as Maggie and I stand up beside Uncle William and Rachel.

 

Daddy places Jamison in the wagon. “Behave little man.” He tells him. My brother coos and we all count it as an ‘aye’. He likes wagon rides so there is hope he won’t  cry and disturb the wedding.

 

Maggie takes the handle and we line up. Jamison is fascinated by the rings, stitched onto the pillow and babbles at them as he tries to pull them off.

 

I put my elbow out the way daddy taught me and Anya takes it. The music starts and we head down the aisle.

 

Maggie with Jamison is first. A chorus of ohhs and ahhs arises as they come into view. We follow and Anya spreads the petals for Rachel to walk on.

 

We reach Uncle William, who stands proudly but nervous beside our priest. I take a stand beside him, my fingers nervously playing with the rings, the only items in my sporran. My head is held high as we watch Rachel walk up to her groom.

 

Don’t  get me wrong, I still find weddings girly then but, the look of awe on Uncle William ‘s  face causes my own heart to jump. Maggie, standing beside her, looks equally awed.

 

In front of us, mum and daddy, with Anya and Jamison, are smiling at each other. I didn’t realize then, but they were remembering their own wedding.

 

I admit to tuning out most of what the priest says and their responses until I hear the word ‘ring’.

 

I quickly take them out and hand them to the priest who smiles at me. I breath a sigh of relief as he blessed them. To have them out of my control and responsibility is wonderful.

 

They are soon kissing and I turn back towards mum and daddy. Their eyes shine with tears and I realize I am teary eyed too. Maggie smiles and hugs me. In the emotions of the moment, I allow it.

 

Uncle William and Auntie Rachel head down the aisle together and we follow.

 

The party is at Lallybroch. This is the part I was most looking forward to. They will be good food, cake , and dancing.

 

The newlyweds are toasted and we eat. Mum places a huge bib on Jamison to protect his clothes. He has just started eating solid food and is very messy.

 

Anya flints around the room, accepting compliments on her dress. Daddy, at seeing my look says, “Your sister is a girly girl and this is as dressed up as she has ever been. Dinna be teasing her about it.”

 

I had thought about but… “I won’t daddy.”

 

I am made to dance with her and Maggie a situation I endure before taking a seat back by Jamison.

 

“You are lucky that you are still small enough you don’t have to dance with no lass.”

 

He babbles away and I count it as agreement.

 

They finally cut the cake. After eating a large piece, the day starts to catch up with me. Anya curls on mum’s lap and yawns. Jamison is already asleep in his pram.

 

“Just one more thing, children. We need to see your auntie and uncle off.” Mum rouses Anya and we join the line of people. Bubbles are blown at them as they make their way to the waiting car.

 

Finally, was are in the backseat of ours. Jamison rides between us. I fall asleep somewhere on the way home.

[lu-inlondon]

Hob has to admit that, even though he tries to stay up to date with current trends, his taste in music never much got the memo. But that's always been the case. It is terribly annoying to get into something, twenty years after he could have had the live experience.

Or, in this case, fourty years. Though he had liked the music in the eighties well enough at the time.

It's Saturday morning and despite the mountain of housework he has to get through if he intends to find any of his stuff or dishes to eat from in the last week of exams, he is in a fantastic mood. The weather took a turn for cold and rainy but his flat is cosy and warm, he managed to find an unused cup to make himself some tea and a playlist with all the 80's hits is playing in the background.

Of course, this is not the sole reason for his good mood. It doesn't even cover a fraction of the reason why he looks like the sun's shining out of his arse at seven on his first proper day off in weeks.

Before Hob's never been one to remember much of his dreams. Ever since he and Dream were sort of dating (they hadn't discussed the terms and conditions yet, and as long as both of them were happy as is, he didn't feel the need to push the topic) that happened more and more. Just last night, he'd spent a part of his sleep walking with Dream through his realm, being shown around and introduced to a variety of creatures.

It had been utterly fascinating!

The best part though was that Dream had let slip, that he had been working more in the last days so that he might spend today with Hob in the Waking World. He knew that - aside from some housework - Hob intended to do nothing but laze around.

So of course he's in a good mood, belting along to a playlist that at least somewhat betrays his age. How else can it be?

(Hob had also noticed that the number of 80's songs circling the topic of dreams was surprisingly high. He had never noticed that before but now it made him think of Dream all the time, painting a big smile on his lips.)

It's his luck that the inn's still closed and no one is around for a noise complaint, because with questionable synth pop he gets through his dishes in record time. Cleaning the bath is done in a fraction of the time it usually takes him - only delayed by the thought if he could persuade Dream to relax in the tub together - and the feather duster that's no longer made of actual feathers makes a wonderful improvised microphone for his one-man interpretation of Sweet Dreams.

Which is, unbeknownst to Hob, how his own Dream finds him.

The song ends and Hob uses the brief interlude before the next one starts to actually dust off some of his books. He knows that one too, and he can't help but grin because of course it reminds him of Dream.

He stumbles over the first few lines until he catches the rhythm, swaying to it, moving on to the next bookshelf.

There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you You're at the top of my list 'cause I'm always thinkin' of you

Further into the song, he's much more secure lyric-wise, and even though he knows his voice is croaky at best - missing the whiskey he uses to prepare for karaoke nights at the pub - he gives it his all.

Yes, Dream is absolutely on top of his list of things he plans to do today, even if that sounds a bit crude. And he has been thinking about him for the past two hours, his thoughts never straying far from the entity/man because as soon as his mind wandered to other things, the music in the background conveniently reminded him of his love.

Not that Hob minds. Quite the opposite actually. He just hopes his daydreams made it to his love's realm so that he might profit a bit from Hob's good mood.

He throws himself into the beginning of the chorus - a thousand kisses are most certainly not enough - spinning around to get to the next bit of his living room, when he finds Dream standing in the corner, watching him with a bemused smile.

Now, at this point, he probably should stop singing, but then again Hob's never been afraid to make an arse out of himself in the name of love. And he knows that Dream - even though he won't admit to it - loves cheesy displays of affection. The cheesier, the better, in fact, and Hob has had more than six centuries to practice.

So, non-feather duster repurposed to serve as a microphone again, he grins at Dream. Trying to get a laugh out of his love makes Hob do a very exaggerated and nearly indecent wriggle with his hips as the second verse begins.

He doesn't have to go to work today but that's neither here nor there as he yells at the top of his lungs:

Well, who needs to go to work to hustle for another dollar I'd rather be with you 'cause you make my heart scream and holler

It does not elicit one of Dream's rare laughs, but Hob gets a fond shake of the head for his troubles.

Well, that won't do. He can be even worse and thankfully the chorus is starting again.

Only in socks, he slides across his hardwood floor, performing a spin that nearly sends him tumbling into his coffee table. Dream grabs him before Hob can hurt himself, and he uses it to immediately draw Dream into his arms.

The feather duster is quickly discarded in favour of holding Dream close and trying to get him to swing to the rhythm too. He's reluctant, but Hob's nothing if not stubborn, and not even - or especially - the collective unconsciousness can't withstand his charms, slowly beginning to move with him.

A thousand kisses from you is never too much

Hob croons along to the music, closing his eyes to really give it his all. When he opens them, Dream is smirking at him.

"Well, that really is not that much," he says with barely contained amusement.

"So you agree then?" Hob asks, his cheeks starting to hurt from how wide he's grinning. "I knew you were a smart one."

Before Dream can say anything along the lines of just how much knowledge he contains, Hob places a quick kiss on his lips. Might not be that much, but it's a start.

By then, the chorus has started up again, and he can belt the line that really makes him heady.

A million days in your arms is never too much I just don't wanna stop

Dream crooks his head, looking at him with brightly shining eyes. As stoic as his expression might be, Hob knows what the slow twinkle in the starry eyes of his love means.

"You know that is more than two thousand and seven hundred years, yes?" Dream asks carefully, and even though he doesn't mention it out loud, Hob knows that there's a deeper meaning to the question.

He could question it, but he won't allow for either of their worries about doomed past relationships to ruin this perfectly good day that's about to get even better if he has a say in the matter.

"Yup," he informs his love carefully carding his fingers through the mess of black hair on Dream's head to pull him closer. "Still isn't enough though, love."

The kiss that follows borders on desperate. He isn't quite sure if this is Dream's doing or his own, but he hopes it gets his point across: What's two thousand and seven hundred years when he wants to spend eternity with this impossible being in his arms?

Hob's loved him for six centuries, what's twenty-seven more?

They break from their kiss mostly for his benefit so he can catch his breath, the blush high on Dream's cheeks nearly making him lose it again. The song's long over, the next one on the playlist is nearly done as well, but Hob couldn't care less. He's done cleaning and he wants to spend the rest of this day - and every single one that follows - holding Dream and kissing him.

His love doesn't seem to mind, safe for one request:

"Can we listen to it again?"

@karalynlovescake I offer you fluff to make up for the 80's angst from last time

[love-beyond-space-war]

Hi hii <33 im so glad i found your blog, ive been looking for someone who writes for halo at all but seeing that you also write for rvb, i have to come on here and ask.... Possibility of getting a church/epsilon x reader ?? it kind of makes sense (?) that i cant find any fics for him but im still p :( about it lolol i dont have many ideas, im not the most creative but i was thinking maybe something with reader's reaction to seeing him return after he and carolina disappeared for that time on chorus?? or just the two of them catching up or smth similar <333 i understand if this is a strange request or if you dont want to do it at all <3 thank you for taking the time to read me rambling a bit lolol

I haven't seen Chorus in awhile so I took my own liberties with this ^^ Despite that... hope you enjoy. I haven't written a regular fic in awhile, I've been very involved with my main blog lately. Sorry if I made it too short :( Trying to get back into the swing of things and I'm battling a cold!

Not proofread fully, sorry for any mistakes!

We Meet Again

Church (Epsilon) x Reader

Synopsis: You and Epsilon/Church have a heart to heart chat upon meeting again on Chorus. It's not the happiest reunion....

Content Warnings: Romantic/Platonic Pairing, Gender-Neutral Reader, Angst, Vaguely follows canon, Possible OOC Church.

You weren't sure if you were happy or upset at the return of Epsilon. Part of you was still bitter at the fact he left with Carolina. Yet at the same time... you knew he had his reasons.

You're just being bitter by ignoring him, aren't you?

"Look... I understand you're mad at me. Tucker and Wash are too. But... could you please just listen to me when I say I'm sorry?" Epsilon... Church... pleads to you as he hovers by your helmet.

"Church..." You find yourself finally saying, the hologram beside you perking up. "I know... I just... I wish I could've come with."

"You know you couldn't... it would be too dangerous-" Church tries to reason only to be shot a glare.

"Oh really? Like what we all just went through wasn't?" You hiss at the hologram. Church appears to realize his mistake before responding.

"I didn't know you'd be in danger! Not until me and Carolina looked for answers! I thought you'd be fine-" Church rambles, sitting his hologram by your shoulder.

"We all make mistakes...." You whisper, noticing the AI's panic.

"I can only calculate so many possibilities, I'm sorry! I guess I should've thought harder when it came to you and the rest...." Church continues to speak. His tone makes you feel guilty for being so bitter. It's not like he meant to leave you....

You clear your throat, fully turning yourself to look at Church. You're so happy the others left you two alone. They knew how close you were with the AI and his distraught/angry you were when he left.

It was best to just leave you two to work things out while a plan against Felix and Locus is prepared.

"Okay, Church, please calm down-" You try to say Church looking back at you. You don't need to read his face to know how he's feeling.

When it comes to you... he feels guilty.

"I'm sorry... I want you to know I and the others care for you." Church sighs, small holographic form standing in front of you.

"Your fragments?" You ask, only for Church to nod.

"I... even like this... just want to protect those I care for. That includes you. I care for you so much." Church whispers. "If I lost you due to a miscalculation... I... it might feel like losing her all over again."

You know who Church is talking about as immediately reach out your hand for comfort. You pause for a moments, remembering he's a hologram, but still try to show comfort. Church accepts the attempt, snorting a bit at your attempt.

"I get it now. We're both worried for one another. I'm still happy to see you both. I just... have missed you a lot." You admit. "You're scared to lose me... and I'm scared to lose you again."

"... I won't leave you anymore, then." Church says after a pause to think. "You won't have to worry anymore."

"Church... do whatever you need to do, I was just being bitter." You admit. "You shouldn't just worry about me."

Church stops you from speaking and steps closer to your visor.

"Hey... I care about you and the others more than anything. I want you to know that I... love you and the others. They get on my nerves... but-"

"I love you too, Church." You smile. "I love you and I forgive you."

"... you do?"

"Of course." You say softly. "... I wish I could hug you right now but just telling you so works for now."

Both you and Church seem more at ease when you say that. You see the AI flicker in embarrassment at your words but you can tell he's reassured. You hope he can reconcile with the others just as easily.

"It doesn't matter what happened in the past... we'll protect each other now." You promise with a smile before standing up. "You coming to meet with the others?"

"Sure... we do have other matters to attend to, don't we?" Church agrees before following you. You give him a smile, albeit with a bittersweet tone.

"Unfortunately, we do, but we'll do it together."

With that, you're off to plan.

[yeahyankee]

Palimpsest [Trigun '98 - Post Show - Vash x Meryl] - Pt. 3

Meryl ended up only having room for half of her plate of food. The rest of it sat ignored, perched on the corner of her work desk.

She'd tried to go to sleep a dozen times since then, woken up anew each time the storm rocked the house, making the rafters and shingles quake in their ramshackle rental.

Ultimately, she climbed out of bed and sat down at her desk. Insomnia was a hell of a good time to transcribe her notes into her report for the week. No time like the present.

Meryl felt herself get lost in the rhythm of typing. When she could manage to separate herself from the discomfort of having to report the sins and tragedies of other humans—the news was just reporting back a series of facts.

That was enough to keep her mind busy most nights until she ran out of steam or typewriter ribbon.

Except, today, her enemy was light itself.

She rounded out the hefty quote at the end of a page and pulled a blank one towards her.

Her table lamp flickered and sputtered out. Meryl cursed, getting up to fiddle with the room's light switch. Nothing. She sighed, knowing the sandstorm had finally knocked something loose at the local plant.

Outside, she couldn't hear anything but the scrape and shudder of sand blowing against the home.

Meryl made her way downstairs cautiously and tried to remember where the generator in the house was. Did Milly say it was in the basement? Outside the house? She couldn't remember.

She kicked herself. Hadn't Vash checked on it earlier?

She pressed her palms against the cool walls downstairs, closing her eyes to feel her way along. It was too dark to see anything this late, with the occlusion of the sand, no moonlight or street lights to guide her.

Downstairs, the sound and the cool dark made it sound like she was in a deep cave. The dark was an improvement, if she was being honest, to the storm's lead-up. The way it turned the sky an ember shade of red, so much like August. The churning red sky, the cratered, smoldering absense where parts of the city used to be.

A bead of sweat cropped up on her temple as she made her way through the dark. Vash was a lot of things, one of those things was a being that was not...to their understanding. And it wasn't until he'd left ages ago, that she realized--even beyond the spooky marksmanship and the hole he'd blown in the moon--people knew he wasn't like them when he showed up to town.

Like a minor note in a major chorus, they picked him out each time. The sorrow that followed Vash wasn't something he sought out, it was his punishment for being different, standing outside the flow of time.

Something slipped around her forearm and she jumped.

"Hey, whoa now, it's me," Vash said in the dark.

She slapped at him where she pictured his chest would be, "I'm not a barn animal, you don't need to horse whisper me."

"All right, fair enough," he said, grabbing her hand unceremoniously in the dark.

Meryl's soul felt like it was about to leap out of her skin. He'd practically sponge bathed her in a nightgown and somehow this seemed like the most shocking thing he'd done all evening.

"Come on, I wanna show you something," he said, tugging on her hand gently. He waited for her to catch up, mindful she wouldn't trip. "Watch your step."

"Is the generator working?' Meryl asked idly as they padded to the back of the house.

"Nah," Vash said. "Compressor's busted."

Meryl followed him to the back of the house, where the long, covered sunroom looked out towards a dusty field. The slant of the add-on roof shielded most of the covered porch from damage.

But she could see now, it provided an almost impossibly beautiful view onto the lone field, only caught in moments of visibility between rough snatches of wind.

The braided gusts of sand wove past them, and it reminded her of her old experiments as a child, shaking up water and sand in a glass bottle--a tiny imitation surf.

Vash let go of her hand and took a seat on the rattan bench, littered with Milly's favorite blankets for napping.

"I couldn't sleep so I've just kind of been watching the storm."

She sank down into the worn cushions next to him, pulling one of the crocheted blankets around herself. Less for warmth and more for comfort.

"It's beautiful," she said, relishing the dull thunder of sand buffeting against the tin roof, hearing the sand slide downward, like a big, bristled brush.

When she checked back, she noticed him looking at her, face at ease but inscrutable. "You look like you're feeling a little better, that's a relief," he said.

Meryl struggled to find her voice for a moment, "Good, yeah, I'm fine, thanks."

"Come here for a sec, you had a knot on the left side of your neck," he scooted back on the settee, making room in front of him. "Let's get that out, too."

Meryl muttered something, seemingly at her lap, and then awkwardly budged herself. She perched herself at the very edge of the settee.

Vash's hands found the back of her neck in the dark, working the pads of his fingers around the tenderness in her neck, easing out the pain slowly with practiced swipes of his thumb.

They slipped underneath her jaw, working out all the tension from when she ground her teeth in her sleep.

"You're a mess," he chuckled softly behind her. She could feel it rumble against her back as he leaned in.

"You're one to talk," she shot back, her mind going back to memories of his body. So painfully torn up, but lean, and practiced, a savage beauty to the patchwork of scars and along his flesh.

She'd counted every bullet hole on his body. Cataloged every entry and exit wound, knew every freckle, cut, and hair on his head. On some of their scariest nights, she counted them back to herself, as Vash tried to keep down the pain medication long enough to sleep.

"You know what I always wondered?" Vash asked, fingers kneading into her scalp.

"What?"

"How come you never said anything after you kissed me, that one time."

He tipped her head back and she opened up her eyes, staring at him. Somewhere along the way, she'd come under the impression that they'd silently agreed to never speak of that night again.

It was an impulsive, celebratory move, the night they stumbled back home after his recovery. The truth was that they were both delighted that Vash could walk, more than anything else.

"I was glad you weren't dead. Plus, you fell on me on the way back to the house," Meryl bristled, but as she did, she could feel Vash shift closer.

"That's the story you're going with?"

"That's what happened," she insisted.

"And now?"

He was stone sober tonight, and she had no idea what that meant. His hands swept around her hips, lifting her effortlessly into his lap.

Vash brushed the straps of her nightgown downwards, planting soft, lingering kisses on her shoulder.

"You're beautiful, Meryl," he murmured into her soap-fresh skin.

"That tickles," she shuddered, squirming in his lap.

A short huff of want, and then lips along her earlobe. His fingers curved around her ribcage, tugging her nightgown down. The tips of his fingers traced circles around her budding nipples. Lace scraped deliciously against her sensitive skin.

She leaned against him, as his fingers explored her, tracing paths from her ribs to her belly-button. She jolted softly in his lap when she felt his fingers bunching up the gown, sliding it back.

The lightest touch, so soft it almost tickled, brushed against her inner thigh. Her heart would be thundering out of nervousness if it hadn't begun to thunder out of want first.

Vash's fingers appeared at her lips, pressing against them softly for entry. She opened her mouth and took both of them to the knuckle, enjoy the salty-sweet taste to him.

Fingers slick, Vash pressed into her. She already was wet with want, his fingers slipping into her easily as her curled them upwards.

He spread her legs, hooking them on his knees, so her hips could cant upwards.

The pressure in her hips built as she bucked towards his hand, lips mouthing silent pleas.

Vash kissed along her jaw, pulling his fingers out of her.

She pressed into his hand, needy, and his middle finger pressed down on her clit, rubbing soft and slow.

Meryl bucked up against his hand one final time, feeling herself hurtle off the edge with abandon, topping into a velvet dark.

The storm outside ate any sound of their indiscretion in the solarium, and that was probably for the best.

Later that night, as she rested, curled into his chest, and counted the seconds between his breaths getting longer, more even.

When she was sure that he was a sleep, she pressed her forehead to him and whispered "I didn't think I'd see you again."

Vash's lumbering arm pulled her close, almost making her jump.

"Didn't think I'd find you."

"We didn't do a good job at this the first time around, did we?" she said glumly, feeling lulled into some false sense of security, convinced he was already asleep, babbling in a dream.

"Never too late to start over, I think," he said, suddenly humbling her. He lifted a sleepy hand to poke her on the nose. "You worry too much."

"Give me less to worry about, then," she grumbled, but felt herself relax against him.

"Yes ma'am."

She smiled.

In the morning, after the storm was isles away from town, they would wake to a glorious sky, draped in colors you could only imagine most days in the desert.

Pinks, that bled into explosive purple, soft blue, and delectable, sherbet orange, everything painted a new coat of dazzling varnish.

Maybe you could overwrite something painful with something good.

Maybe to try was human.

[normal-looking-male]

So I may be coming in with either a cold take or overthinking things, or even worse, blatantly misinterpreting them, but I gotta ramble about my favourite song somewhere, so...

Okay, so, chorus one opens with the "cold breaking point" line, right when Katya gets out of the facility with Dima, they got a taste of freedom, fun times.

Chorus two opens with completely unrelated words, contemplating Dima's and/or Yura's viewpoint, but still, it's Katya deflecting from the situation, because she just can't give into the same negative mindset as Dima, she's clinging onto the hope that this will work out for her.

I can't remember where it was stated, but apparently Katya was starving in that little instrumental bit between the second and third choruses, where she was counting. I mostly just saw her sitting there, trying to calm down the bubbling constant anxiety of being found out, of her friends abandoning her if they find out about her whole mutation situation, of Dima being right.

Chorus thee goes right back to the "cold breaking point" lyrics, because just like that, with one decision Sergei made, her freedom, her chance at a normal life, was ripped away from her. How easy it would be now for her to go right back to where she started - in that exact facility that treated her like cattle. And then the second part of it just beats her down further, as if she hasn't suffered enough.

It is such a good and cruelly ironic knife twist - Dima was so insistent on avoiding humanity, justifiably distrustful, and he got a place to live, a girlfriend, an adult that protects him. And Katya, who risked her well-being, who tried so hard to establish friendly connections, had to hide out at an abandoned pool, with not really many people to rely on, besides herself, mostly taking the role of a reliable person for Yura. And she ended up in exactly the situation Dima thought they'd be in, while Dima himself is safe.

I'm very biased against Dima, honestly, but if I may add my few cents on the matter - I feel that even though he feels awful guilt for the whole situation, he wants to be as far away from it as possible. We've seen him scared, but in Convergence, at the "connection cable" line, he looks petrified. For the rest of the song he's justifiably angry at Yura for baiting him and Anya with Olya's well-being, but they don't really have any other option besides working together, and the contempt he feels for Yura is so clear in his expressions, it's great.

I reads to me as if he's not only genuinely worried about Olya's safety, but himself as well, and really wants to wipe his hands clean of this mess, even if it means Katya's pretty much screwed. And I love it! He's by no means a terrible person, neither him nor Katya should have to deal with this in the first place, but it is what it is, and I'm on the "narrator's" side here every time he's called a coward.

I got off-track, back to the song- I think it stands out in how... Heavy? It sounds? To me it reads a lot like a violently beating heart, combined with violent electricty just waiting to break out. It feels like Katya's in a constant battle to keep her emotions under control, and just barely contain her own destructive abilities, that could cost her, if not her own discovery and capture, then someone else's life. And the way the instrumental is pretty smooth and relaxed during the verses, but the snares and louder noises pick up as dread, excitement, or desperation kicks in. GOOD SONG!!

[purpleturtle9000]

I meant to write things and then I spent two hours creating a playlist for reality check, as one does. Song explanations below the cut!

This is straight up just a song about being broken by the loss of somebody, cause that's what characterises little Leo. I regret nothing. (It also technically goes both ways!) But you went away. How dare you? I'll miss you. They say I'll be okay, but I'm not going to ever get over you.

The first lines of this talking about a better time, and having to try to manage on his own while not wanting to talk about what happened to him - really this song has no right to match Pilot Hamato as well as it does. Also he does not know how to be alone, especially with all that's on his mind.

I went looking for a lullaby-sounding kind of song for Baby Blue, cause he's, y'know, baby. Not to mention that Blue's canonical emotional shutdown is referenced in the very first verse! When all those shadows almost killed your light, I remember you said don't leave me here alone.

This was entirely chosen for the verse, 'cause it's perfect for them. Sunflower gets better at healthy displays of emotion, but when they're first found, their emotional state is very much what's described in the song - I might cry, but I don't ever show it, can't let you down, can't let you down.

We all know that Alpha has issues, right? A song about being willing to kill for people but wanting to know if it's possible to be rescued, is quite perfect for our traumatised teen. Not to mention the canon self-sacrificing attitude in If I gotta be sacrificed for the greater good, then that's what it gotta be.

Unicorn was completely unwilling to accept that her idyllic life was shattered by the death of her family. Her song is about upheaval in change - How wild it was to find it, finally feel the climate, instead of only staying dry and warm - and honesty and acceptance bringing tears but also salvation.

Vanilla's loss of his entire family is a nightmare, but unfortunately he can't wake up. Thinking of himself as a leader first and a person second, well, it led to some identity issues. But now he's got the help he needs to start healing, even if he's standoffish - an atittude referenced in my heart is gold and my hands are cold.

Cobalt was the sole non-alien in the world, as far as he knew, for two very long years. It wasn't a very good life, but he made it through - and even among the others, he stands out as a survivor. We lost the control and we're on our own, at least for now. Just surviving, and nothing else.

The first verse references that Spruce is used to a louder world, and has nightmares. Not to mention the feeling of being lost, ready to be blown away, after xyr entire family died in a day. Xe doesn't know if xe's worthy of another family - of love - after not being able to save xyr first one.

You are broken, crushed to the very bone, cut wide open. An angsty opening for a song, and also a reference to Pep's leg being injured (and later gone). Despite the trauma involved in that, and the unsteady healing process, he's one of the most optimistic of the blueberries, which is referenced in the chorus.

Echo's song is directly related to the year he spent in the prison dimension. He fought to get back to his brothers, but eventually began to wonder if they left him intentionally - hence the lines If you get to me too late, just know that I tried and Just let me know I'm not forgotten out here alone.

Lee was also in the prison dimension! But not for nearly as long, so they came out of it more optimistic than Echo did. Their song is also about being 'furthest from myself' and 'invaded by the dark', but has a more hopeful bent - So pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave, 'cause I still feel alive.

River is a cheerful kid, all things considered, so I wanted an upbeat song. This one is about her relationship with Leonardo. He tries to help her adjust by bonding with her and acting like her dad did, and filling Splinter's role is referenced by the line, The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.

Heiwa has been through a lot of bullshit, tbh, and now that they're out of their world, they're looking for some peace. Somewhere that feels safe, where they don't have to be afraid or hurt any more. Or, to quote their song: Home, a place where I can go to take this off my shoulders, someone take me home.

And now the fic's theme song. There's a lot of lines that exemplify Leonardo's protective, loving nature toward his carton of little blueberries. The ones I like the best are, It will be all right, you'll see, trust me. I'll be there watching over you. Just take a look through my eyes, there's a better place somewhere out there.

+ bonus song for first blueberry's Don! I don't think I have to explain the lyrics in this one.

[meissashush]

For Ro for the OC ask meme: 2, 6, 11, 18, 21

In which Garbria learns that I will totally answer old ask games whenever XD

2. what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

Rosea is definitely not the sort to listen to music unless she's studying. She's probably got a bunch of random song that have slowly amassed in a handful of playlists that she chooses randomly, but almost certainly there aren't many Top Charts on them. Probably a fair amount of Dad Rock and Punk, gained through spending too much time with the bros, and some eclectic classical. She can't stand anything with a repetitive chorus, though, as she's prone to earworms and the really repetitive songs make her near murderous.

Naturally, Prompto has some songs he's learned not to sing around her unless he wants to get hit.

6. how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

Long and up. In a ponytail, mostly, because that's the easiest, but always pulled back in some way unless she is sleeping. Its a habit born from the combination of always feeling like she needs to be 'ready' in case of an emergency, pure practicality, and the fact that Cor was never very good about remembering to get her hair cut as a kid. She'll get it cut (or cut it herself if she's really tired and desperate for control at 3am), but always keeps it at ponytail-length.

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

Rosea is, extremely self-admittedly, a self-insert wish-fulfillment. At least, that's how she and a lot of her personality got started. These days she's sort of taken on her own life, as happens when you have a complicated plot with other characters to play off of.

As a rule, the more flippant things (favorite color, preferred foods, allergies, certain mental disorders that I couldn't write around if I tried *cough* ADHD *cough* edit: also dyslexia, since I wrote 'tired' by accident) are all from me.

We do, however, make extremely different life decisions and that's where she's really become her own person. I'm cautious by nature. I don't take extreme leaps because I sit and consider all the possible outcomes until I'm blue in the face. Rosea considers the possible outcomes, but she also has the teenage 'invincibility' syndrome I never had. She fucks around and finds out.

I think we'd get along reasonably well, assuming I could convince her I was a safe person. She'd probably get fed up with me 'parenting' her, though, so I would rank like Nyx in her mind. Okay to be around, but stupid and hover-y. ("I just want what's best for you, you dumb girl!" - I say, being the one causing all her problems)

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

If she can justify it, she'll do it. And she's very good at justifying. That said, killing is one of those things that are always against her natural instincts. She can only be convinced to do it if there is either no better option, or she's ordered too. Self defense, for some reason, doesn't count as killing in her mind, however.

21. their favorite place to be?

Depending on the point in her life; either in Noct's apartment or in her own. Somewhere quiet and safe from expectation.

Thanks for the asks <3

[scheodingers-muppet]

sorry i haven’t been posting i lowkey forgot i was real. but anyways back on my bullshit let’s go

fearless. y’all know the drill

Fearless: Steddie. Eddie to Steve. 1) i’m a sucker for fics where Steve just decides “who cares about homophobia, i’ll intimidate them until they leave us alone” (i know it’s unrealistic just let me have this) and Eddie is just starstruck anytime Steve stands up for him. also the line “run your hands through your hair” screams Steve. “you pull me in and i’m a little more brave” Eddie just wants to be brave, to stop running.

Fifteen: El. “somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them” “next to a redhead… and soon enough you’re best friends” her and max. “you’re dancing around the room when the night ends” you can’t convince me she didn’t do that. “your first kiss makes your head spin” “i swore i was gonna marry him but i realized some bigger dreams of mine” and “in this life, you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team” we only know about el in her relations to other people. the other characters have pieces of their plots that show us who they are outside of the group. el, however, only has the rainbow room and her interactions with the party. even in california, we can see the heavy influence from her old friends.

Love Story: Lumax!! “i close my eyes and the flashback starts” she thinks about Lucas for her happy memories. “daddy said stay away from Juliet” Billy tried to keep them apart; it’s not hard to imagine her stepdad would have an issue with him too. “escape this town for a little while” it’s not unlikely that they would want to leave hawkins. “they’re trying to tell me how to feel” both the racism and people trying to help her through Billy

Hey Stephen: STEDDIE!!!!! from Eddie. “i know looks can be deceiving” “as we walked, we were talking and i didn’t say half the things i wanted to” “of all the girls throwing rocks at your window, i’ll be the one standing out there in the cold” the whole chorus reminds me of the joke that Eddie hates loving a jock, but he just can’t help it. the references to shinning and i just know eddie would call steve his “knight in shinning armor” “all those other girls are beautiful but would they write a song for you?”

White Horse: El and Mike. I think El would get her ideas of romance from fairytales and movies. “this ain’t hollywood, this is a small town” “i was a dreamer before you went and let me down” “this is a big world, that was a small town” she’s gonna move on and be okay

You Belong With Me: Byler. the whole song is about being in love with your best friend. ignore the internalized misogyny and view it as “you guys are so different, but we fit together at such a good level” “i’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re about to cry” and the “crazy together” where they comforted each other.

Breathe: Nancy about Barb. there isn’t a huge reason other than the fact that this doesn’t fit any of the breakups and i think we don’t discuss the nancy-barb thing enough

Tell Me Why: Stancy. “you know you got a mean streak” about both of them. “i remember what you said last night” and the halloween party. “you tell me you love me then you cut me down” steve did not do enough to help nancy deal with losing barb. i feel like their relationship would have been very on-again-off-again and toxic tbh.

You’re Not Sorry: Stancy again. like i said, on-again-off-again

The Way I Loved You: Jopper. “he” is bob, “you” is hopper. i fully think they dated before she got with lonnie. and that it was a rollercoaster relationship. i think they were on-again-off-again and when they were off, she got with lonnie and ended up pregnant so they stayed together. i don’t care if it’s canon or not, that’s what happened.

Forever and Always: Byler fighting. “we almost never speak, i don’t feel welcomed anymore” they used to be so much closer. “i stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called” mike didn’t write will. “did i say something way to honest?” mike telling will “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” “here’s to everything coming down to nothing” tearing down Castle Byers

The Best Day: El. the first part about hopper. “i know you’re not scared of anything at all” and saying hopper is her hero. the second part about max. “i don’t know how my friends could be so mean” and her breakup with Mike. “we talk and window shop till i’ve forgotten their names” “i have an excellent father. his strength is making me stronger” the last part about joyce. “ you set up a paint set in the kitchen and you’re talking to me” joyce would show her so many different hobbies. “you’re the prettiest lady in the whole world” and “i love you for giving me your eyes” she starts doing her hair and dressing like joyce.

Change: the whole group, talking about the 4-year battle with a mirror/hell dimension “i’ll do anything to see it through” “the time will come for us to finally win.” “it’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair” “fight for what we’ve worked for all these years” “it was the fight of our lives”

Jump Then Fall: Steddie from Steve. “i watch you talk, you don’t notice” “i like the way your hair falls in your face” “i love each freckle on your face” from eddie “when people say things that bring you to your knees, i’ll catch you” i also just think this is how steve loves

Untouchable: ronance. robin loves the stars, you can’t convince me otherwise “untouchable like a distant diamond sky” “it’s like a million little stars spelling out your name” “i’m reaching out and i can’t tell you why” i also love the idea of “untouchable” being because robins scared to make her move (as we saw during her opening scene in season 4)

Come In With The Rain: stobin. platonic of course. i have a horrible feeling steve is gonna die in season 5 and i doubt robin will handle it well. “i know all the steps to your door but i don’t wanna go there anymore” the entire chorus “i know you by heart, and i don’t even know where to start”

Superstar: steddie. very steddie album. but imagine eddie going on tour and steve joking he’s gonna have to fight off all the groupies in love with eddie and he surprises him at one of his shows “you played in bars, you play guitar” “you sing me to sleep” steve would totally call eddie “superstar”

The Other Side Of The Door: lumax. we know max pushes people away when things get tough and we’ve also seen her and lucas fight and break up various times but she still loves him and misses him.

Today Was A Fairytale: i honestly can’t think of one

You All Over Me: Stancy, from steve’s perspective. he changed *because* of nancy. he’s a better person because of her. “i still got you all over me” “we were never really meant to be so i lied and i cried and i watched a piece of myself die” “held out and held on, god knows, too long”

that’s all i got