#mostly wanted to share for my mutuals

[firecatwashere]

it's been a hot minute since i've made any sort of even remotely personal post on tumblr but i'm getting top surgery next week and it feels so absolutely surreal that the feeling of being in waiting mode for a flat chest will be over so soon but i'm so excited

[oneluckydragon]

got hit with the echo+sora brainrot so i am once more rambling in your askbox about it. because reasons.

anywho i think there is something truly saddening about echo's struggles to make peace within herself and how she truly finds it hard to find that peace when she is so certain that if the truth about her origins were to be revealed to the world, much less to *sora*, everything she achieved, everything she worked for, all of which matters to her most, will crumble away in a moment's notice.

but the fear of losing all your life's work is none compared to the fear of losing sora. the feeling of poison that settled itself within themselves and between each other out of fear and tragedy of what had happened to them is familiar. echo's resemblance to dusknoir was already enough to set the two off because of how much it had all hurt to see someone you love and yourself turn into a mockery and a splitting image of someone who had pretended to care yet showed he never did at all, but this poison is louder. it hurts to bare, to carry, and to have none but yourself to be its sole holder.

but this poison, this feeling of heartache is different. because whereas the previous pain was something both of them felt, sora was lucky enough to not have known the truth about the person who she cares for so dearly.

echo knows that she used to be darkrai. and it haunts her to have known that her previous incarnation was so *cruel*, all for the sake of it just feeling right. wishing to engulf an entire world in darkness, solely for whatever desire she used to have.

and for how much she knows, how much she will hammer it into her own head that she is *not* like that anymore, that she looks at her past with sneer and disgust and that she will not be the barer of evil anymore, it will not matter in the slightest when she will have to look at sora if she were to ever find out.

how afraid, angry and dejected she would look when finding out, and how she will go on the defense/offense because of how much this will overwhelm her.

because when echo looks at her own shadow, she sees herself for what she is. she knows what she is, be it out of shame or guilt.

but when sora will look at it, she will see a tall, contorting and menacing shadow, towering over with a bright cyan eye doing nothing but looking at her, as if tempting her to make the next move.

and she defends herself. from someone she knows will not harm her. she raises her arms up in self defense from a hand that would never hurt her more than the world has already did.

she knows echo will not hurt her. and thats why she is afraid.

Oh my oh my OH MY, Sinnoh!!! YES YES YES!

HOW!!! IN THE WORLD!!! Are you so good at crawling into my head and creating these vivid analysis/snippets on my OCs??? I've barely shared ANY information about Echo and Sora because I've been wanting to hoard most of my stuff for when my fic is finally finished... but... I think you've broken my resolve a bit, if I'm entirely honest.

You know what? I'm so inspired by your accuracy and eagerness to talk about my girls that I'm gonna forgo my crippling anxiety regarding my writing skills and instead post a snippet of my WIP fic here as a treat for you. A teaser, if you will. Since I have no idea when the fic in question will actually be done and ready (or when I will be satisfied with it, cause the thing is currently 36,000 words and still slowly climbing). And now you've got me eager to share SOMETHING of my fic with you and anyone that might want to take a peek at it.

Please enjoy this conversation between Dusknoir and Echo. The topic deals a lot with what you'd described up above!! c:

[Note: this is an unedited part of my fic because I am still in the process of writing and it may change in the future, so please be gentle w/ me but I'd love to read any thoughts/comments that pop up while reading!! pls send asks or replies or anything really cause I love you guys]

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“I’m going to tell you something now, and you are going to listen.” Echo commands with a sharp bite in her voice that Dusknoir cannot fathom ignoring. He pauses and then offers a slow nod, waiting, wondering what she could possibly desire to tell him at a time like this, of all things.

Minutes pass as Echo remains rooted in place, still as her own shadow, and her eyes dart around as she stares at the patches of dry grass and sand beneath her paws. Her claws clench and unclench, digging into the earth like daggers as the wind of the forest (it’s trees so close, just behind them, a looming sort of presence that could engulf them whole) whistles through the surrounding branches, carrying stray leaves of many bright greens through the chilling breeze. Dusknoir watches them dance around Echo, twirling, floating down, down, down… but it’s quiet, too quiet, and Dusknoir feels a shiver pass through him when Echo’s voice finally rings out through the silence.

"When I evolved, Sora was petrified," She says, nearly a whisper, an admission that melts away her confidence and appears to bring her a flood of both shame and regret. Her face twists up then, strangely, like she’d felt a twinge of pain from somewhere deep inside the very fabric of her own soul and was unable to quell it. "She couldn’t even bring herself to look at me most days. At first, my appearance… well, it reminded her too much of you. And eventually of someone I used to be.”

Someone I used to be. At that, Dusknoir’s immediate reaction is to recall Echo’s previous life as a human, as the miserable shell of a creature surviving alongside Grovyle that he’d relentlessly hunted in the dark future. A human made of contempt and anger and apathy, who never smiled or laughed or cried or screamed like the old legends said humans would-- an entity that simply existed rather than lived. An echo of a life long dead and buried. But, judging by her tone, by her voice, by some uneasy intuition itching in the back of his mind like a swarm of pestilent Ninjask… he knows that she means something else entirely. Something that she isn’t willing to share. And frankly, that concept utterly terrifies him.

Someone I used to be. Dusknoir wants to speak, to break his own silence, wants to ask the myriad of questions bubbling up in his throat because this isn't the first time she's hinted at another life beyond being human, but those questions die at the source like a flame doused in water. And always the coward, coward, coward, instead he takes the easy way out by doing nothing at all. Whether Echo notices his surge of inner conflict or not-- the nervous wring of his hands and the tremble in his spine that he cannot control under her gaze-- she does not react.

“I’d take a step and Sora would flinch away.” Echo confesses, her markings flickering with light before going dark and dead, as if her body wished to snuff them out entirely, a deep seated rejection, a self-loathing so strong that Dusknoir cannot help but recognize it and empathize, and his heart aches, “It took ages for her to stop shaking when I’d speak. To stop looking at me like-- like I was going to…” 

Echo grimaces like she’s enduring waves of grueling torture and doesn’t finish that string of thought, but it’s not hard to make an educated guess on what went unsaid. Like I was going to betray her. Hurt her. Break her heart. She’s been through so much already and I couldn’t bear to be another influence in the history of her suffering. I hate myself because of how I made her feel. When her eyes went wide in fear and through them I could see myself staring back like some sort of burden, some sort of curse.

“I am not my past.” Proud and true, Echo straightens up and holds her head high, a spark igniting in her eyes, a glint of determination, a will to keep going and going despite such circumstances and strife, despite this horrid, unspeakable past that haunts her so, “And I am definitely not you. It’s taken a while, but I know that much now. I’ve accepted it.”

I am not my past. And I am definitely not you.

A sigh, a breath, and Echo glances at him with a certain sorrow that cannot be described, a sorrow that lingers even through the veil of her tenacity, "But no matter how I feel, no matter my conviction, my shadows still find ways through the cracks. Every time I think I'm getting a grip and that I might finally understand myself… I change all over again." She admits, sounding more angry and tired than defeated now-- like a mirror of her old self, her human self that had clawed and damned and cursed him, despised him more than anything. "I hate it. I hate that I never truly know who I am. That I have to learn about my past through stories others tell me, or through fragments of twisted, broken memories that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Through conflict and pain and… and..."

"Echo," Dusknoir murmurs her name softly, an offering, a potential escape if only she would wish to drop the subject and forget this conversation had ever happened-- if she'd overstepped and needed an excuse to back out, a diversion, an understanding. And briefly, Dusknoir wonders why she is opening up about this particular information, why she would delve into something so vulnerable, so personal. Why she would bring up this hurtful history when it obviously brings her great discomfort.

And then, he gets an answer.

“You’re lucky, Dusknoir." There it is, that wildfire burning in her eyes again. A spark that’s new and bold and startling. But lucky? No, never. He'd have to disagree, accounting the mountain of evidence that was his life and regrettable deeds.

"You already know exactly who you are and what you’ve done, and most importantly why. You have more than a tattered picture of yourself that reflects broken answers. And you can change with that knowledge. I see you trying.” She tells him, searching, looking for something so deeply and Dusknoir wishes he knew what it could be so that he could give it to her, because he would, he would gladly give it to her without a second thought if it meant they could be close again. But he isn’t a fool, and he’s wise enough to know they’ll never be like they were before. “And if somehow I could change, even as half-assed as I have. Well, then what’s your excuse?”

You can do it, say her unspoken words, I believe in you.

[wormeats]

some stuff i want to say, bc it seems a lot of the time mostly only Jewish people speak up about antisemitism

it is antisemitic to claim zionism is across the board evil and fucked up and to wish violence on zionists. Israel exists and people live there and there has been a devastating war that has caused humanitarian crises in Gaza, but Israel is not evil, it has a right to exist and didnt just steal a bunch of land and start wars out of nowhere, the history is actually more complicated than "colonization", and while war is fucked up and horrifying, truly horrific, it is not the same as genocide. genocide is the systematic eradication of a group of people, and while civilian casualities have been horrific, that is why war is so fucking terrible and traumatizing.

Hamas also has contributed a lot to civilian casualties in the way they operated. celebrating and supporting Hamas is fucking horrendous. there can be reasons young people become so radicalized and violent, but that is Not something to cheer on as some sort of resistance movement when it causes so much devastation for people in Gaza and wishes for the destruction of Israel and Jewish people.

Wishing harm on hostages taken on October 7th or celebrating October 7th in any way is also fucking horrendous. These are human beings, random civilians, real people. they have families and loved ones and communities who are terrified for them and grieving them and it is beyond insensitive to cheer on the suffering from your place of immense privilege in this situation and shows a big lack of humanity/seeing people as human beings. i can't believe i see that shit sometimes (but i also can bc the state of things is dire). I can't know how it feels to see people mocking my loved ones who have been tortured for a year and could be killed at any moment or already dead, that must feel so awful, and to know that even if you dont have a connection to the hostages, it could be you or your family as someone who is Jewish or has loved ones in Israel. living in Israel is not a crime or moral failing, living in any country is not a moral failing what the hell. if you can understand people are not their governments for many other countries, why is Israel so hard to see that way for so many people? (antisemitism)

I'm really glad for this ceasefire and wish the best for Gaza/Palestine and its people and have a lot of hope for them to rebuild and recover from all this devastation (scared of shit trump has been saying though, what the fuck. thats a whole other thing tho, i am grieving the election still and scared and trying my best)

it has been so horrible to see antisemitism grow from this and to see such concentrated hatred for anyone who associates with Jewishness in the "wrong" way. the way antizionism has grown so much and into a "fuck all zionism" mentality is horrible. zionism has been warped to mean genocide supporter, and that is fucking horrible bc Judaism has references to it and intercommunity discussions around it, it is in some ways an inextricable part of Jewish culture to some and many people just see it as Israel is doing genocide and shouldn't exist

idk i just dont want anyone to be hurt, war is always horrible and the crisis in Gaza is horrifying, and ive also seen a huge rise in antisemitism in different forms and i hate it and wanted to say some stuff to make my positions clear so that's what im doing now

you can criticize the Israeli government and its actions without being antisemitic ofc, but this is referring to all the hamas support and wishing violence on Israel and thinking all zionists want genocide.

anyone feel free to talk to me about this if it is concerning or upsetting to you somehow, but if you arent a friend or mutual or follower and some random person who disagrees, i can also talk to you but im not a voice with any kind of authority on this stuff, i just have been kinda horrified when i see hamas support or people celebrating Israeli deaths and thinking the hostages deserve the horrible traumas that have happened or should die etc etc etc. horrible. why are you dehumanizing an entire country. (antisemitism is why.) horrible horrible horrible.

[torchickentacos]

The pokemon anime subreddit fascinates and frustrates me on equally deep levels

[thatonesmartkidfromschool]

Okay but what's your favorite pokemon game? I feel like it's probably obvious bc of your favorite characters but I thought itd be cool to ask! My favorite game is the og Diamond game. I love the safari zone, plus it was the first pokemon game I played.

Hhrrmmmm... you're quite right that I'm kinda brainrotting over SV rn.. but Sun and Moon will always have a very special place in my heart since they were MY first games. I recently replayed Sun and. God. The story is so peak. Especially if we're talking about the og SM and not the Ultras lmaoo. I immediately had to pick up the SM Pokémon Adventures arc because I was left wanting more after finishing the game! So my fave is probably between Sun and Violet. I definitely have the most hours on Violet lmaooo

[non-un-topo]

Genderqueer/trans/nb/butch/otherwise gender-fuckery friends, what’s a moment of gender euphoria you’ve experienced that you’re willing to share? I feel like I need to share in some queer happiness today <3

[eve-is-obsessed]

I'm going to start a chain called the Microwave Awards where every day I'll list the character who spent the most time in the microwave (meaning, I rotated them in my head and zapped them with radiation and was generally abnormal about them), as well as any particularly microwavey thoughts I had about them.

today's winner is SHAUNA SHIPMAN from YELLOWJACKETS. and I've only seen ep1 so I have limited content but I'm rotating the "Tell me you love me. I won't hold you to it, okay?" girl wants to bang her best friend soooo bad and is banging her best friend's boyfriend instead and just wants him to say he loves her. goddamn.

[shoechoe]

(Referring to that last post)

Apologies, but I don't usually share my OCs with people because they're either 1. only really sensical as part of a larger story that also exists in my head that isn't really finished enough to share, 2. Mostly like, self inserts I make of myself that reflect personal traits of mine lol... or 3. Basically bare concepts that aren't developed enough to share as a character

Sorry if that last reblog got some people curious it was just supposed to be a "haha me lol" one off thing

[perilegs]

oh no do i need to get back into poe right this second and speedrun the games

[thecherrygod]

please look at an amount of pictures of my dogs

thanks for looking <3

[nerdalmighty]

WIP folder game

Thanks for the tag @khywren!! I'm excited to participate :)

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I only have a few wips, 4 in total right now, all for bg3, but one is a multi-chapter where each chapter is named after a different song from ANOTHER video game, Deltarune (because I'm the most creative woman in the world), and one is JUST a shitpost of a fic that I wrote to make myself laugh:

An Evening to Ourselves

Sewer Party

Don't Forget (Multi-chapter: Field of Hopes and Dreams, The Legend, Scarlet Forest)

Dont! Cross! This! Line! With your hand

Feel free to ask about any of them! I'm really enjoying posting snippets :)

Seeing as how I'm VERY new to the writing scene, I don't have a ton of mutuals who write, but I'll tag a few friends! @maladaptive-menace @ladyduellist - No pressure! And also if YOU (the person reading this) write and YOU want to share your wips, please do! And tag me in it!!

And for you, my dear @khywren, below the cut is another snippet of my long one shot (she's clocking in at 17.6k words! oops!):

“Listen to me,” you turned your head towards Astarion. “I need you to reach into my pack and get out a Scroll of Sleep.”

“You don’t just know that off-hand?”

“Astarion.” 

“Fine, fine.” The vampire drew out his daggers and slowly circled around the room, drawing the bugbear around so he wouldn’t be able to attack from behind. Astarion looked up at the rafters and saw a hay bale hanging precariously over the edge of a beam. If he angled his daggers just right…

He let the blades fly and when they connected with the hay bale, it fell from above, landing right on top of the bugbear. Astarion looked over at you with an excited grin to make sure you’d witnessed his victory.

“Yes, yes, you’re very good at knives,” you quipped. “Now get over here!”

“As you wish.” Astarion weaved his way across the barn and positioned himself behind you to look in your bag. You felt his cold breath on your ear. “Hello,” he purred.

Your fingers stumbled on a few notes and the ogress suddenly looked around, as if waking from a trance. 

“Wha-”

You scrunched your nose and kicked behind you at Astarion’s shin. 

He laughed out in pain, but you could feel him rummaging through your bag. The song you were playing resumed its hypnotic tones and the ogress seemed to calm down. 

“Remind me to never have you organize my wardrobe, darling. It is a mess in here.”

“I know where everything is!” You argued. “The scrolls are in alphabetical order.”

“My gods, you’re lame.” Astarion squinted into your bag, trying to read the titles of the spells in the dim light. 

“ASTARION!” You shouted and twisted as the bugbear suddenly reappeared, apparently having been able to push the hay bale off of himself. He was running like a madman around the right side of the barn, towards Astarion. 

Astarion reached for his daggers, only to come up empty. They were still in the hay bale on the other side of the barn. Swearing, he looked up just in time to see-

WHAM!

Your lute connected with the bugbear’s face with such force that he went down instantly. 

As a result, however, your lute was now shattered. Which meant there was about to be a very angry ogress on your hands.

Astarion quickly shuffled back to your bag and filed through your spells.

“Astarion…” You said hesitantly. Your body tensed as the ogress blinked a few times, growled, and began stomping her way towards you two.

“I’m going! I’m going! A HA!” Astarion pulled out the proper spell and leaned forward over your shoulder to shove it ungracefully into your hands. “Read it out read it out read it out!”

“Shut up shut up shut up!” You uncrumpled the spell and shouted “SOMNUM,” just as the ogress reared back to swing her club.

Instead, she went down heavily, instantly asleep.

You and Astarion stayed frozen in place. When it was clear the ogress was truly out cold, Astarion chuckled against your shoulder, still leaning into you from behind. 

You smiled. Then you joined in his slight chuckle, which turned into laughs, which turned into the both of you doubling over in weezing delight.

“Have you ever seen anything so ghastly?” Astarion looked between the two unconscious creatures.

“Love finds a way,” you continued laughing.

“My dear, love had nothing to do with that,” Astarion wiped a tear from his eye and went to retrieve his daggers from across the barn. “That was all lust. And probably a bit of morbid curiosity to see if it was even possible.”

“Clearly it is,” you said. “Shows what we know about interspecies relationships.”

Astarion sheathed his daggers and came back around to see you picking up the broken pieces of your lute. You sighed and took off your bag, carefully making the pieces fit inside. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Thank you.”

You looked up at him.

“For knocking out that bugbear. And for sacrificing your lute in the process.” He bent to pick up a piece that had slid across the floor and brought it over to you.

“It’s just a thing,” you said. “I can replace it. But I’m glad you’re okay.”

[vhenaqui]

happy superbowl sunday

(pic)

[sesamestreep]

my brain cells trying to think of an argument that would get me to finally post those TWO complete fics sitting in my drive that maybe need a few minor edits but are otherwise READY TO POST

[technologyvoid]

Sometimes I wish awake me was as bold as sleepy me

[cherryxblossxms]

On today's episode of what kinks do you like/talk about that you're severely anxious will weird out your friends

[waywardly-we-go]

I organized much of my computer files today, got my games all sorted so I can actually download and update things.

I feel so clean 😌