#mostly i’ve been focusing on making things more like. coherent. like before the aesthetics and time period influences

[unknownarmageddon]

SO!!!!!! finally, here’s the new and improved designs for my band au, to kick off the death’s doorstep reboot!!!!

generally, nothin’s gonna change that drastically in terms of story, all the main lore for the guys individually that i’ve mentioned in the past will stay the same for the most part i think. but cause i’ve had this au for so long i decided just doing a big revamp would be the way to go

killer belongs to rahafwabas cross belongs to jael peñaloza dust belongs to ask-dusttale horror belongs to sour apple studios death’s doorstep belongs to me !!!

[unworthingtons]

Decoding the Butterflies in Fallen Angels and What They Mean to Kwannon

Thesis Statement: Kwannon can ever escape the identity and personality forced upon her by Betsy, and now she must learn to accept it & embrace it to be able to fit in within Krakoa. 

There is no clean way to have split Kwannon and Betsy, that’s something most comic book readers have been aware of, it’s messy and frankly, racist. Most women of color who have read these books with caution, hoping for the retcon of Betsy into a Japanese woman so that they don’t have to deal with one of their favorite characters wearing an Asian woman as a costume. 

From the get-go, Claremont even admitted that the reason Betsy was changed is mostly an aesthetic change and that it looked cool. I’ve linked the interview but here’s the a relevant part of how Asian-Betsy was supposed to just be a costume. 

Women of color have constantly had our culture ripped away from us by white women and re-appropriated by them. From black women have their style called ‘urban’ & ‘hip’ on white woman, to Indian women being shamed for their hair but white women being praised, and even East Asian women who get their traditional outfits overly sexualized. Women of color who embrace the pieces of their culture are often reprimanded and forced to cohere to a western standard of beauty. 

This is why Betsy and Kwannon’s entire relationship is uncomfortable for many women of color. Betsy gets to play around in Kwannon’s body, she gets to sexualize it and once she leaves it, she does a whole 180 and changes her personality completely. Betsy stops wearing her ‘sexy’ costume and goes for full body armor, and she even becomes demure again. Kwannon is stuck with the stereotype of violent ninja that Betsy has created for her over the past few years. Kwannon has no way of escaping the persona that was created for her by a WHITE woman. 

Leah William’s X-tremists focuses a lot on Betsy’s white guilt, so I will not go over it for too much. But a lot of it does boil down to ‘I was a lot more comfortable in an Asian woman’s body because I could sexualize her,’, which isn’t a great look for Betsy. I am well aware that Betsy isn’t a real person, but looking at this motivation, it does come off as racist.  

So, lets get to Kwannon herself. Kwannon already has identity issues, as the first issue of Fallen Angels she describes how she both has lost her identity (to Betsy), and that her name ‘Kwannon’ does not belong to her. Both of them seemed imposed on her and they’re both things she cannot escape. 

So what does she have to claim for herself? Not much, especially because of all the achievements that her BODY has done belong to Betsy, not her. Because of this disassociation between both her identity and name, there is only one thing she can reclaim is the identity of Psylocke. It is something she can steal back from Betsy and hold, that she can mold into her own identity because it wasn’t given to her it was TAKEN from someone else. 

The next thing Kwannon takes back is the butterfly signature that Betsy uses. This is done on purpose. She wants to take something from Betsy, and show her what it really feels like to have your identity stolen in such a way. However, she doesn’t just take the symbolism to make Betsy feel uncomfortable. She also reclaims it in a different way, she gives the butterflies their OWN meaning. The entirety of Fallen Angels is peppered with ways to separate Betsy from the butterfly motif. 

She calls Cable and Laura caterpillars, and she considers herself to be a worm waiting to transform into a butterfly. She wants to be free of Betsy’s hold on her, but she knows she is far away from it. 

Bryan Hill even goes so far as to let Kwannon and Sinister have a LITERAL conversation about the butterflies, and what they mean to her. They are a literal metaphor for suffering but also of her growth. Kwannon feels dirty by using this symbol, but she knows this is what she MUST do. She must use butterflies as her symbol in order to come to terms with herself. 

At first, Kwannon doesn’t use the butterflies at all. She is a worm, she constantly refers to herself as a worm. She still finds them to be disgusting creatures that only remind her of Betsy, of Betsy’s endless need for beauty. Kwannon is even willing to hurt herself to avoid using the telepathy that Betsy does. However, unlike Betsy who feels guilty all the time about Kwannon, what Kwannon does is that she allows herself anger at Betsy, but she allows herself to forgive Betsy, not in the current moment, but eventually. 

This is what allows Kwannon at the end of Fallen Angels to finally tap in and use the butterflies that Betsy uses. But she appropriated them to her style. Instead of the plain butterflies Kwannon uses monarch butterflies. Her last words to herself before flying are “Run little caterpillar , jump little caterpillar,” which leads to this page. 

While Kwannon might not have her own identity outside of Betsy but, she is able to cultivate her telepathy & tk in a way that belongs to herself only. She takes the role that is given to her by Betsy as the evil assassin and transforms it into a hero. She realizes that she no longer has to fill a hole that was left by Betsy, she is her own. 

[redbeanboi]

disturbia

ah yes! the stand that’s kept a lot of my plot moving—the famed Disturbia.

I’ll be updating this from time to time because uploading all of my notes means spoiling some plot points to you and ruining the experience!! without further ado:

if you’ve read Business Before Pleasure, you’ve probably seen the comment I wrote re: Disturbia’s stats in Chapter 4′s comment section. 

Either way, here’s a graph and some info about Disturbia, the first stand I’ve ever made....++some fun facts! 

Stand stats graph generator courtesy of @spooky-ghostwriter​. Try it here!

Namesake: Disturbia, a track from Rihanna’s Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded album from 2008. 

Abilities: Shadow and body manipulation. Strings connect a puppet to the puppetmaster and Disturbia is basically a shadowy figure that connects a target to the user. Disturbia has no physical form and only appears on surfaces. This stand can and will extend (like any shadow, really) in order to capture the target, hence the long-range stand distinction. Full range is about 20m. 

One catch—while it can manipulate most people and have them carry out simple actions/movements, it’s unable to fully puppet a person. It can’t stop someone as violent and unhinged as Don Elio (see: Chapter 8 of BBP) from murdering or beating someone up. In other words, Disturbia can only manipulate a target as long as it’s within the realistic limits of what that person would do on their own. 

Another thing to note: the brighter the light, the stronger darker the shadow appears, so in other words, Disturbia is stronger in well-lit areas and nearly impossible to summon in areas that are pitch-black.

Appearance: .... working on that. ahem. I kind of got into it when I answered this ask, but again, it’s very vague.

In all seriousness, I have never been able to conjure a concrete image of what Disturbia looks like, and I’m sure that’s obvious given the fact that I’ve only focused on its abilities as opposed to its appearance. Think a creepy looking shadowy figure. Think obsidian (the mineral, not steven universe, if you need clarification). Gives that same feeling of dread and unease that Killer Queen makes when it finally makes its first appearance (super hazy!! mostly a silhouette!!). I think I’ve finally got an idea of what it looks like now though.

Fun facts: I’ll add more from time to time, so check this regularly if you’re interested (or bored, haha).

This was the first stand I ever made.

I made it because... I love Rihanna... Also Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded is one of my favorite albums of all time. Iconic. Not a single weak track on this album. Also just fits the aesthetic for the time that Business Before Pleasure is set, in my opinion (2008! which, ironically... takes place around the time this album came out).

I originally made this stand for myself. At the time, I made Disturbia as my own theoretical stand because my friends asked what my stand would be if I had one, and I was listening to a lot of Rihanna because I just knew that if I had a stand, it’d need that same kind of power (haha). I wrote Business Before Pleasure soon after that, which as you all know, was originally a one-shot. When I decided to continue writing for that fic, I had no idea where I was going plot-wise, but I knew I wanted to include a stand... Just happened to be my luck that I couldn’t come up with one. A friend kindly reminded me that I had one and simply said “well, you made one already didn’t you?” and after a good back and forth (and my insistent “b-but... it’s my stand!! my baby!!!”), I finally made the decision to give my stand to the Reader as well as all my beanie babies!! We all share a stand now!! :-)

I won’t say much here, but once the fic progresses far enough, I’ll update this fact..... But to put it simply... I made the decision to use Disturbia for this fic on a whim, but I’m realizing everyday that it just fits so so perfectly with the plot and characters. It just works and honestly I believe that this story just has a mind of its own at this point and I’m just here trying to tame it and make it coherent for everyone who reads it. 

--

That’s all for now! I’ll be adding stand notes for Reader/Giorno’s son, Giuseppe next—the famed Saturation (I, II, III).

[bestworstcase]

How do Cathay & Char Malách’s respective followers worship them?

me getting this question like:

cathay!

though she’s widely revered (and feared) in saporia, her actual cult is and has always been very small in comparison to the other two. most of its members are like, barrow-makers, undertakers, grave-diggers, people in the business of death. this association is so strong that the saporian word for barrow-maker (sholámar) is also the name for her cult.

she tends to have a jump in popularity whenever something disastrous happens, because among other things she’s seen as a protector of the dead and so a source of.. comfort and certainty in uncertain or dangerous times; and she also appeals to the type of person who is.. interested in or fascinated by the destructive nature or aesthetics of her sphere—not just the dead, but also grief and loss, obsession and madness, pestilence, famine, war, treachery; desolation and neglect and abandonment.

so at any given time her sphere is a mix of people who revere her on an almost professional basis, and people who find some solace in the promise of her afterlife, and then. fanatics.

in general it all sorta hinges on sacrifice. cathay is not... generous with her attention or her favor, and she takes a dim view of living things, so. you want something from her, you have to kill something. 

this ‘killing’ can be figurative—many of the cult’s festivals etc involve the ritual relinquishing or purging of the fear of death or instinctive horror of dead things, and the repudiation of one’s name is a common thing for more. devoted members of the sect—or literal, in the form of actual, you know, sacrifices. there is something of a divide between the mainstream cult, which tries to be ethical about this and relies on ritualizing natural deaths, and the fanatics, who are like. murder is okay if it pleases cathay,

the other big thing is the construction and maintenance of the barrows. they.. house the dead yes but they also act as wells for cathay’s power and are the gates by which she can enter the the physical realm so; where other cults build temples, cathay’s builds barrows. 

and then there is. the necromancy. on a purely functional level the interest of cathay’s necromancers is in animating the bodies of the dead to serve cathay’s purposes in the physical realm, mostly guarding her barrows and other sacred sites. this gets dressed up in a lot of flowery religious language but that’s, the gist of it. this is a.. nasty process for everyone involved, because in order to channel cathay’s power, her necromancers have to mutilate themselves to her fairly exacting and demanding standards. sometimes they die. this is considered a venerable way to go.

char malách!

in.. pretty direct contrast to cathay’s cult, his is very focused on creation rather than destruction. his adherents have a reputation for being artisans, builders, engineers etc and he’s seen... really almost as a muse as much as a deity. of the ternary, he’s the least interested in actually directly interacting with people so there’s also a level of just, pure reverence / doing things to honor him without any expectation of receiving something in return. 

one of the key tenets of the faith is to strive after beauty, in the sense of making things but also in respect for even awful things; like wildfires. one of char malách’s epithets is the sacred terror, and that kind of sums up this aspect of his worship in a nutshell, the seeking of the... divine i guess in the thin border between wonder and fear, and reframing destruction as a chance to rebuild anew. 

i think i’ve mentioned this before but the cult has a big yearly festival where they make something beautiful and then Set It On Fire. the idea here is to symbolically let go of material attachments, reaffirm the transience of creation, accept that things are lost or destroyed and that this does not make them lose their value. 

there is also a significant sect of the cult that is committed to pacifism, on the grounds that human-driven disasters like war are not comparable to natural disasters and have no intrinsic value; this sentiment existed prior to the conquest but didn’t really cohere into a solid faction within the cult until then, and now it’s a fairly mainstream way of thinking. 

in general!

there’s always.. overlap between the cults in saporia because the ternary is not.. really seen as a trio of individual gods so much as a unified whole composed of three interconnected deities who don’t always agree but. like; char malách’s thing with beauty in disaster is complemented by cathay’s appetite for destruction and both are complemented in turn by zhan tiri’s thing with circles and cycles. the general thinking is that any interpretation of the divine that doesn’t take into account the whole ternary will be... insufficient and shallow in the conclusions it reaches, and it’s a bit... gauche? to become devoted to one specific god to the exclusion of the other two. 

so, while all three cults have certain ceremonies and rites that are exclusive to dedicated members, you still get like... followers of char malách praying to zhan tiri or observing cathay’s holy days and vice versa, albeit less so in the centuries since the conquest because worship of zhan tiri and cathay is Very Illegal and even char malách is seen as like, a heretical bastardization of coronan heliolatry so while it isn’t outlawed it’s very frowned upon, and this has driven all the cults underground to a significant degree, which in turn unraveled a good portion of that culture of sharing between them. 

[gojira007]

Movie Meme

Took me a bit of time, but I was tagged by @bunnikkila to list my nine favorite movies, and since I can’t help but be ridiculously verbose about that very topic, you can see them all under the cut 8D

As for who I tag?  Well, as always with the caveat that you are free to ignore if you don’t wanna, I’ll go with: @elistodragonwings @kaikaku @donnys-boy @robotnik-mun @sally-mun @fini-mun @werewolf-t33th  @cviperfan and @wildwoodmage​

and don’t worry, if you DO go for it, you don’t have to get as Extra as I did about it XD

9.) 

Look, the meme is about Favorite Movies, not necessarily the BEST Movies, OK?  And for the most part this list consists of films where that division is less meaningful in terms of how I evaluate the other movies on here.  But in this specific case, “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie”, which is ultimately not all that different from the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ TV show it spun off from and thus not particularly impressive as a work of Cinema Qua Cinema, makes the cut primarily because it’s a movie I know so well and have enjoyed so often that I can practically recite the whole thing to you by rote; I quote it all the time in my day-to-day life, I think about it often when I need a little smile, and it’s also become my favorite tool for introducing newcomers to MST3K as a whole since it was designed with a slightly broader audience in mind than the more willfully-eclectic series.  And given how much I love MST3K As A Whole, that’s an especially strong factor in its favor.

8.) 

Looky looky, @bunnikkila, we (unsurprisingly) have a pick in common!  I’m sure this is the one and only time THAT’S going to happen on this list. 8D

Y’know, nearly thirty years (and one fairly useless remake >_>) later, I think the thing that impresses me about “The Lion King” is just how much it is still able to grab me emotionally.  Some of that is unquestionably tied up with how strongly I associate this movie with my family, all of whom it became very special to as a Shared Experience.  But I also don’t know of a lot of people who haven’t had that same emotional experience with it, and that to me suggests there’s more going on here than just Nostalgia.  The mixture of Shakesperean plotting with Disney’s signature strength of Character, for one thing, granting the movie’s story an Epic Scope that never forgets the emotional inner lives of its cast.  The music for another, not only its instantly-iconic song-book but also its memorable score, armed with both Big Bombast and Gentle Sentiment.  And the unforgettably gorgeous animation, rendering every last element of its world with believable naturalism and strongly-defined personality.  All of it, together, makes for what I still personally consider the Crowning Achievement of the Disney Renaissance.

7.)

I think, if I had to name the thing I find most lacking in far too many modern Action Movies, it’s Clarity.  They all tend to lard their plots up with a bunch of unnecessary contrivances and complications in hopes of making themselves appear more clever than they actually are, and all it usually does is just dilute the impact of the whole thing.  “Mad Max: Fury Road”, by contrast, is all about Clarity.  I could sum up literally its entire plot in a paragraph if I wanted, because it is basically One Big Chase Scene from start to finish, never really deviating from that structure for more than a few minutes at a time.  And that, combined with its exceptionally well-crafted Action Sequences, means that the full weight of its visceral power hits you full force every time.  But don’t be fooled; that simplicity is not to be mistaken for shallowness.  Indeed, precisely by getting out of its own way, knowing exactly what it wants to do and why, “Fury Road” also delivers a story that is, in spite of what you might guess, genuinely subtle and smart.  Every character is immediately unforgettable and compelling because their role in the story is so well-considered and their personalities all so stark.  The world it crafts feels at once fascinatingly surreal and yet All Too Real at the same time because even its most Fantastic elements are ultimately just grotesque reflections of things the audience knows only too well.  And most of all, it tells a story with real, meaningful Themes that are deeply woven into each of its individual elements, such that the whole thing is deeply satisfying emotionally, but also piercingly Relevant in all the best, most affecting ways.

6.) 

Oh look, another pick I have in common with @bunnikkila!  This must be the last one, right?

But yeah, this is just a legitimately great movie, at every level, in every way.  Stylistically, it is one of the most radically inventive things to have ever been made in the world of Western Animated Movies, gleefully mixing together a vast array of Aesthetics and Techniques that are at once viscerally distinct and yet coherently connected, all rendered with a fantastic eye toward the world of Comic Book Visual Language that keeps finding new and extremely fun ways to play with that instantly-recognizable iconography.  For that alone, I would call it one of the greatest triumphs of 21st century animation.  But then, on top of that, the story it tells is one that is simultaneously Arch and self-aware, delivering some of the most fantastically hilarious punch-lines imaginable more than a few of which are at the expense of the very franchise it is working within...but also entirely earnest, sincere, and emotionally affecting.  It is, at once, a movie that manages to be about The Idea Of Spider-Man in its totality while also being about just one kid coming to grips with who he is, what he can do, and what his life can be.  I don’t know that I can remember the last time a movie so immediately and unmistakably marked itself as an Enduring Masterpiece, but “Into the Spider-Verse” absolutely pulled it off.

5.)

Ordinarily, I would cheat and give this slot to the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy in its totality.  But somehow, the fact that this is about “FAVORITE” movies instead of just what we think the BEST one is compels me to narrow it down to just one.  And if I had to pick just one, it would be the first of the three, “Fellowship of the Ring”.  It’s not necessarily anything that the other two movies get wrong, either.  All three of the LotR movies possess many of its keenest strengths, after all.  For a starter, there’s the keen understanding of how best to adapt the source material without being enslaved to it; capturing many of its most iconic moments while cleverly tweaking elements to make them more cinematic, knowing what scenes to focus on for the sake of more clearly focusing the emotional through-lines of the story, and knowing what scenes, no matter how good on the page, ultimately don’t fit to the shape the adaptation has taken.  There’s also its pitch-perfect casting, each and every actor doing a fantastic job of embodying the characters so well that even as your personal vision of them from the books may differ radically from what is on-screen, they nonetheless end up feeling Right for the part and a strong, compelling presence.  And there’s the deft visual hand of director Peter Jackson, who knows exactly how to craft a Middle Earth that feels at once lived-in and real but also Fantastic and magical.  “Fellowship”, for me at least, thus wins out mostly because it has the good luck of being adapted from the strongest of the three books, the point at which the narrative is at its most unified and thus has the strongest overall momentum.  But also because so few movies have so swept me away with the sense of stepping into a world I have always dreamed of in my mind’s eye, and that’s the sort of thing that can only happen at the beginning of a journey.

4.) 

Now here’s a movie that is literally sown in to my very being.  It’s the last movie my mother saw in theaters before becoming a Mom.  I grew up watching the “Real Ghostbusters” cartoon all the time and playing with the attendant toys; I had a “Ghostbusters” Birthday Party when I was, like, four years old.  It has been my annual Halloween Tradition to get myself a big Cheese Pizza and watch this movie for about as long as I’ve had disposable income to myself.  There is, quite literally, no point in my life where I don’t remember “Ghostbusters” being a fixture in it.  And as a nice bonus?  It is, legitimately, a Genuinely Great Movie.  I realize that isn’t quite as universally agreed upon these days as it was even a few years ago (thanks, Literally The Worst Kind Of Virulently Misogynist Assholes lD; ), but I still feel pretty confident in saying this one really is That Good.  I still find basically every one of its jokes hilarious; even now I could quote just about any one of them and get a laugh.  I still find its central premise, What If Exorcism Was A Blue-Collar Business, a brilliant, almost subversively clever one that takes The Supernatural out of the realm of The Unknowable and into a world where even you, an ordinary person off the street, can in fact fight back against it.  I still think it’s one of the all-time great examples of how to balance Tone in this sort of High Concept Genre Bender, by allowing The Story to be played relatively straight while allowing the comedy to flow naturally from the characters’ reactions to that story, allowing its Ghostly aspects to land as Genuinely Scary (or at least Worth Taking Seriously) without getting too Stern and Serious about it.  And I still listen to that unforgettable Title Song all the time!  So yeah, even if I could be more objective about it, “Ghostbusters” would almost certainly make this cut.      

3.) 

And so we come to the third and last pick I have in common with @bunnikkila, not coincidentally a movie that played a key role in solidifying our friendship, as bonding over our shared love of it was a big part of how we got to know each other on deviantART waaaay back in the day <3

By 2008, I really didn’t think it was possible for a movie or comic or TV show to really become “part” of me anymore, the way things like Sonic the Hedgehog or Marvel Super Heroes or Some Other Movie Character Who Might Be At The Top Of This List had.  And then “WALL-E” came along and proved that to be completely, utterly wrong.  I didn’t just love this movie, I was inspired by it, to a degree of strength and consistency that I’m still not entirely sure has yet been matched.  And to be sure, some of that is undoubtedly because the movie had already basically won the war before I’d even bought my ticket; Adorable Robots In Love is something like My Platonic Storytelling Ideal, after all.  But even setting that aside, “WALL-E” is a movie where even now I can’t help but be keenly aware, and gently awed, at the beauty of its craft; indeed, watching this movie in a theater did a lot to make me better understand why movies work on us the way they do, because I left that theater chewing so much on every last one of its elements.  Its gorgeous animation, the way it conveys Character through Actions more so than language, the dream-like quality of its musical score (even as i type this i get teary thinking about certain motifs), the clear and meaningful way it builds its theme and story together so harmoniously, and the particular perspective it takes on our relationships with each other, with our environments, and with our own technology...all of it speaks to me deeply and profoundly, and it’s no coincidence that I have seen this movie more times in theaters than any other on this list (twelve times, for the record, and I still remember each and every time XD).

2.) 

This one needs no personal qualifications, to my mind.  Yes, I have some degree of nostalgic attachment to it for having seen it relatively young with my brothers and being deeply moved by it then, but it’s not at all like the kind of Nostalgia I have for “The Lion King”.  “Princess Mononoke” is just flat-out, full-stop a complete Masterpiece, not just my personal pick for one of the single-best animated films ever made, but one of the best films period.  It’s almost difficult for me to put into words how great this movie is, certainly in a way that hasn’t been repeated to death by thousands of other smarter people, because no one of its elements quite answers the question of why it is so great, to my mind.  Yes, the animation is absolutely gorgeous with a design sensibility that brings Ancient Mythology to life so vividly that its influence can still be felt today (The Forest Spirit alone has been homaged all over the place).  And yes, the music is hauntingly beautiful, at once capturing the gentle rhythm of nature but also the elegiac tone of Life Moving On.  And yes, the story is an incredible mixture of the Broad Mythic Strokes of an Ancient Legend grounded in all too human Emotions and Ideas about the balance of nature, the full meaning and cost of Warfare, and perhaps most important of all, about how we determine Right and Wrong when everyone involved in a conflict is fighting simply for the right to survive.  But all of those things add up together to something even greater than a simple sum, because each one isn’t just good in its own right but because each element so perfectly reinforces the other.  And even having said all that?  I really could just carry on singing this movie’s praises.  Just...an absolute masterpiece, top to bottom.

1.) 

I don’t imagine any of you are terribly surprised at this, right?  I almost feel like it’d be redundant to explain my love for this movie, given how self-obvious I imagine it is to basically everyone who knows me Literally At All.  But heck, I’ve rambled on this long, why not go all the way?  Because the thing of it is, “Gojira” (to be clear, the original Japanese movie from 1954 rather than its American edit, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” from 1956) doesn’t just top the list by being a Great Movie.  Though to be clear, it really is.  Flawless?  No; there’s a reliance on puppetry that even for the time can be a bit chintzier than the movie can really afford, in particular.  But brilliant, even so, a heart-wrenching example of Science Fiction Storytelling As Allegory, one that, in a rarity not just for its own genre but indeed for many movies in general, very meaningfully lingers on its deepest, darkest implications.  Many a film critic has pointed it out, and it remains true: the stark black-and-white photography heightens the sense of Implacable Horror at the core of the story, and the way the central Melodrama, a tragic love triangle that carries with it many aspects of Class Conflict and Personal Desire VS. The Collective Good, ties back into the main story is truly beautiful in its elegance and emotional impact.  Still, for me personally, it tops the list, now and always, because it is a movie that affirmed something for me, that the character I had fallen in love with as a child convincing his family to watch a monster movie with him on television to prove his seven-year-old bravery, really was as genuinely as powerful and meaningful a figure as I had always imagined him to be. 

[rachelreviewspopculture]

Emma. (2020). Directed by Autumn de Wilde

Autumn de Wilde’s Emma. (2020) is unlike any Austen adaptation I’ve ever seen. It’s Austen by way of Wes Anderson.

Emma holds a special place in my heart as my favorite of Jane Austen’s novels, which, if my circle of friends and acquaintances is to be trusted as a decent sample of the population, does not seem to be a popular opinion in the least. Most favor the sparkle and wit of Pride and Prejudice or Anne Elliot’s deeply felt emotional life in Persuasion, but Austen famously wrote that she wanted to create a main character no one would like in Emma, and she seems to have succeeded. One picks up on Austen’s own attitude toward her heroine in the first line of the novel, in which she writes, “Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever and rich . . . had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her.” On the surface, this could appear as simply an accurate description of our main character (and it is), but if one knows Austen, one also knows there is always much more going on underneath the surface in her writing, and it takes some attention to see this. Here in the first line of the novel she is already making fun of poor Emma.

My appreciation of Austen’s sardonic side is not the only or even the main reason Emma is my favorite of her novels; it is rather the complexity of what Austen does in the novel and the seeming ease with which she accomplishes it. Like all who have genius, Austen makes it all look so effortless, which is one of the reasons her writing is often misinterpreted and misunderstood. When one looks past the surface of her novels, one sees that Austen explores foundational questions of human nature, which of course includes love and marriage, but also questions of being and appearance, and questions of family and community. It seems to me Austen has a particular interest in the question of paternity and authority, as father figures (or the lack thereof) all seem to bear special importance for her heroines.

In any case, in Emma, Austen weaves the novel around the self-important main character and two other supporting actors born in the town of Highbury the same year as Emma, Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax. These latter two are seen relatively sparingly in the novel and instead act as specters of what Emma’s life could have been; the three are connected not just by birth year, but by the early losses each has suffered. Frank, born to the affable Mr. Weston, loses his mother around three years old, and as a result his father ships him off to live with an aunt and uncle, thinking he cannot take care of his young son himself. Jane is an orphan whose only living family are her very poor grandmother and very tiring aunt, Mrs. and Miss Bates, and who, despite her accomplishments and beauty, seems destined to become a governess because of her lack of family and connections. Finally, there is Emma herself, whose mother died when Emma was young, and was raised with her sister by her father. All three children born to gentlemen from the same town, and yet all three with very different fates. Throughout the novel Austen demonstrates just how deeply these familial losses have affected our trio without ever commenting on the situation directly. Frank feels somewhat torn between his two families; Jane seems to be the loneliest creature alive; Emma is rather more obnoxious than she should be with a father who indulges her every whim, so long as she stay at home with him where he is sure that she will be safe. Of course the story is told through the drama of who is going to marry whom, but the story Austen tells in Emma is more deeply one of loss, community, and friendship.

There is so much more here than romance. In fact, there is always more to Austen’s novels than romance, a fact that escapes many of her readers and I think, most of her adapters. I of course have my own private ranking of the different on-screen adaptions (with Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice (2005) coming at the bottom of that list), but all tend to be both romantic and Romantic in tone—not only focusing on the love stories of the main characters, but also filled with picturesque set pieces of the English country side, awash with dark and moody color palettes, and when the final profession of love does come, it comes in dramatic and breathy fashion. I enjoy a fantastical profession of love as much as the next girl, but I think Austen herself might laugh quite a bit at these adaptations (and in particular the professions of love included therein), as one of the things she constantly points out in her novels is that because human nature is quite flawed, language is often the means of confusion as much as it is clarity. We need a community around us in order to understand both ourselves and other people because our own vision is incomplete without others. But again, because human nature is messy, the coming together of a community can also be quite messy. Humans are a bit absurd, after all. Austen doesn’t miss this, but her on-screen adaptations mostly do.

Autumn de Wilde’s Emma. does not miss this at all. Brightly lit and pastel-colored, one knows immediately one is in for an Austen adaptation unlike any other. Emma (Anya Taylor-Joy) is established immediately as simultaneously completely obnoxious—treating the servants poorly in her self-righteous manner—and sympathetic. The movie opens on the day of her long-time governess’s wedding, which not only will take Miss Taylor away from Emma’s day to day life, but also leave Emma the only person at home with her perpetually worried father, Mr. Woodhouse, here portrayed by Bill Nighy unlike I’ve ever seen before, not as fragile and eternally grieved, but as sprightly and absolutely absurd—terrified of drafts and ready to spring up from his seat at any moment to find and block their source.

This is the unexpected joy of de Wilde’s Emma. It picks up on and leans into Austen’s humor in ways I’ve never seen done before; I found myself laughing out loud at some of the blocking and visual jokes, and this led me to think about Austen’s novels and their adaptations in a new light. One of the reasons the Great Books can (and should) be read again and again is the almost infinite depth of these works, which leads to different aspects of the text shining through during different readings. Indeed, there is an almost Scriptural quality to great works of art, with something new coming to light each time one engages with them. Think of how we approach Shakespeare: his plays are infinitely fruitful, depending on the context in which one places the characters and the tone and emphasis given to each line. The plays stay the same and yet each rendition brings something new about reality to light. Couldn’t the same be said of Austen’s works?

De Wilde’s Emma. highlights humanity’s absurdity—and mines it for every bit of comedy it can—but also the loneliness we feel when our communities are broken. One of my favorite aspects of this adaption of Emma is its depiction of Mr. Knightley (Johnny Flynn), the Woodhouses’s neighbor, and one of the only corrective influences in Emma’s life. Adaptations of Emma often show Knightley as more or less having his shit together from the beginning and not having much of an emotional journey to make other than figuring out at some point he is in love with Emma because of his jealousy of Frank Churchill. But Emma. picks up on Knightley’s somewhat lonely existence—he spends his days taking care of his very grand estate alone and in conversation with no one else. As Knightley walks through his magnificently decorated hallways, we see that much of the art is covered; he lives there, but does not enjoy what he has for he has no one with which to enjoy it. De Wilde’s Knightley is alone most of the time and somewhat awkward, and he too must make an emotional journey to understand that he is not after all content with his current state of affairs.

I wrote above that Emma. is Austen by way of Wes Anderson. There are aesthetic similarities: brightly lit shots filled with pastels, a coherent color palette for each character’s costuming, head-on and intimate blocking that makes one feel one is in the room with the characters rather than observing them from some Archimedean point. But the similarities run deeper than just aesthetic interpretation: Anderson’s films tend to concentrate on some sort of wounded family-unit beginning to acknowledge the wound and starting to heal by coming together despite the difficulties our messy natures present for us in attempting such a task. And the comedy Anderson finds in this does not come from making fun of his characters, but rather in showing the absurdity that arises out of our attempts to answer our desire for communion. Both the people we love and we ourselves have shortcomings and so the task of community and communion is bound to be a bit messy—and also very funny. Anderson never laughs at his characters, but always with them, in a deeply felt recognition of the human condition. De Wilde’s Emma. is very similar, and highlights this theme of the desire for community and all its frustrating and absurd consequences in a way never before brought to life in an Austen adaption. At first the unfamiliar tone took me off guard, and I wasn’t sure if de Wilde was taking license with Austen’s work. Upon further reflection, however, I see now that de Wilde is perhaps truer to Austen than any who have come before her, for she sees past the surface level romance, which most do not get beyond, and in her adaptation of Emma points to the great tragedy and comedy of being human.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Sarazanmai Ep1: “I Want To Be Connected, But I Want To Lie”

Oh boy, are y’all ready for Ikuhara’s newest Wild Ride as we experience the joys of young boys transforming into kappas and stealing magical orbs out of people’s anuses and finding out about their deepest secrets?

Because I’m not.

I’m not ready at all.

But I’m still gonna try and be here every week writing about my thoughts on each episode because I can’t help but respect someone who goes so far and does so much, all for The Gays.

[Thoughts under the cut]

I’m kinda regretting the fact that the only Ikuhara anime I’ve watched before this is Utena, since this seems way more similar to both Penguindrum and Yuri Kuma Arashi, based on what I know about those series. I’ll get to them eventually, lol. It’ll definitely wait until after this is done, since I don’t think my mind can physically handle watching multiple Ikuhara anime at the same time.

I can really see what people who went to the pre-screening meant about how even the very first scenes seem packed with foreshadowing, and about how they were surprised that this was allowed to air on TV at all.

At first I thought that that might have just been a bit of an exaggeration, but nah not really. Ikuhara really be out here making us look at some boys-turned-kappas acting as maybe not so metaphorical anal beads to extract a magical Desire Organ [tm] out of a giant zombie’s anus. And lest we forget about whatever the fuck was going on in the scene with Keppi extracting Kazuki’s shirikodama. LEST WE FORGET.

I’m still kinda worried about whether or not Ikuhara is gonna be able to actually tell a well-paced and coherent story in just 11 episodes, but thus far the actual meat of the story in terms of the character dynamics seems relatively focused enough that it probably won’t be a bit deal. It at least looks like the series will just focus on the main trio [plus our favourite Gay Cop Dads, and also Sara], with the supporting cast being there to support the character arcs of the main trio. So hopefully Ikuhara isn’t trying to juggle too many things at once here.

I’m not even gonna try and seriously speculate at length about most of what happened in the first half of this episode since most of it seemed like stuff designed to make sense on a rewatch, but I did think almost immediately that the whole dramatic monologue about ‘not wanting to lose the connection this time’, mixed with some of the weird cuts and time skips and references to memory erasure and dreams, gave me a bit of a “time loop” vibe. Though knowing Ikuhara I doubt it’d be just as simple as “time got looped after things happened and ended up badly”.

There’s also probably gonna be a whole lot of symbolism based around kappas, and other parts of Japanese folklore/history that’ll probably go over my head, so I’ll probably just leave that to other people to talk about, lol.

Based on the promotional material I kinda pieced it together, but it looks like this is, at least at first, basically gonna play out like a monster of the week magical boy show where the main trio fight a new zombie. Which will probably be a good way to make each episode have it’s own satisfying set-up and conclusion while also setting up all sorts of other plot threads.

And on the note of the whole zombie thing, we don’t really have any idea what’s going on with them or what their goals are beyond the fact that they also have their own desires they’re trying to keep locked up, but it looks like the Gay Cop Dads are intentionally setting them off and turning them into zombies, based on the final bit of the episode. There’s not much to say about these two at the moment, but I feel like their motives and actions are gonna be a core part of whatever this series has to say about the BL genre and societal views/expectations towards gay/bi men, if it has anything to say about that at all. I also wouldn’t be too surprised if there’s some stuff about monogamy vs polyamory, given that their official joint twitter account is called keeponly1luv. And if anyone’s gonna be out there making in-character official anime character twitter accounts plot-relevant, it’s this dude.

Also, these two remind me a lot of Mikage from Utena already, so that’s cool. That whole arc was one of my favourite parts of Utena, so if we can get a whole season of not one, but two mysterious queer anime dudes provoking people’s innermost desires and conflicts for unknown reasons, then that’s even more cool.

I guess I should actually get around to talking about the main trio of the show. I suppose that’s pretty important, lol. There’s really not much to say about any of them at the moment since this episode was more about introducing the setting and style of this whole show rather than really showing off the characters, but I really like this episode’s whole central twist with Kazuki. I didn’t expect it at all, but it was really cool. I certainly wasn’t expecting his big secret to be that he secretly cross-dresses as Sara and basically roleplays as her to send texts to his little brother. I’m guessing that Kazuki for one reason or another feels unable to have a direct connection with his little brother, and so he’s doing this whole complicated daily routine of dressing up as Sara and sending texts to him because it’s the only way he can connect with him. It looks like they live together and even sleep in the same room, so if there’s any sort of distance between them it’s probably an emotional one. 

Also, on the note of Kazuki’s whole thing in this episode, I have a feeling that the subtitles using feminine pronouns for the person he’s connecting with might be inaccurate if he was actually just talking about connecting with his little brother. Who I at least think is a boy. I was actually kinda thrown off at first at the implication that Kazuki had a secret girlfriend, lmao.

There’s also not a whole lot to say about Toi and Enta thus far, but it looks like another part of the whole monster of the week formula is that after each fight, one of their secrets is gonna get telepathically broadcast to the rest of them, like what happened in this episode with Kazuki, so there’s clearly a lot to unravel with both of them as well. Going by the OP theme, it seems like there’s gonna be importance placed on Kazuki’s relationship with his little brother, Toi’s relationship with his older brother, and Enta’s relationship with Kazuki. So I can’t help but wonder if one of the ‘twists’ later on will be about the idea of Enta having a crush on Kazuki. It looks like he was packaging a present for him early in the episode which got stolen by the kappa zombie underling things, so that might come up later.

I’ve also got no real predictions about what kind of role Sara is gonna have in this, especially not after whatever the fuck happened at the end of the Gay Cop Dads spin-off manga. At the very least I think she’ll probably be kinda like the shadow girls in Utena. Ikuhara really likes having characters who exist mostly to provide cryptic running commentary on the events of the show.

Aside from everything about the story, which was the number one memorable part of the episode, I was really pleasantly surprised at how nice the animation was throughout the whole thing, especially in the whole kappa zombie fight sequence. I hope that this quality can keep up the whole way through.

Also the ED theme is fantastic and I’m glad that they were able to use the ‘anime characters in real environments’ aesthetic of the trailers in at least some part of the show itself.

Anyway that’s about it for this episode. Will I end up having too little or far too much to say about the rest of the series after this? Who knows. That’s for me to not initially know and for me to find out one way or another.

[space-unicorn-dot]

Dressage in SSO, From a Person that has Played Horse Games a Lot

A while ago a few of us mentioned that we were going to make a dressage tips masterpost for SSO to use where I mumbled about different mechanics of dressage a la PC horse games for other people to build off of and for people who actually ride dressage to build on with actual dressage riding things. Because I’m just a person who likes to ride horses, but has never done dressage, and used to think jumping was cool until I realized anything over two feet in height is terrifying. But I have played, a, all of the Starshine Legacy and Star Stable Seasons games at one point or another, and, b, played a few other horse games with dressage incorporated.

No, this isn’t saying these ideas haven’t shown up in YouTube ideas videos. There’s several good examples where some of these elements have appeared in peoples’ hot takes on how SSO could incorporate a dressage “race.”

Regardless of how, I think they should endeavor to include it when they are ready. As a pretty big feature so many have been asking for for so long, I can imagine where it might be a bit daunting, so I’d like to start out by telling the team that the attempt is appreciated, and the building blocks already presented in the PC games aren’t actually bad, at least in my opinion.

I’d also like to amend something I’ve probably said before, and I’m sure other people have said, and probably will say even with this in mind: we joke about “how horrific” it would be for the team to make dressage movements available for all horses instead of having them exclusive to certain “dressage” typical breeds, but the vast majority of the horses in this game move differently from one another, or have a different body type. The Lusitano’s piaffe isn’t likely to look wonderful on a chunky updated North Swedish Horse, and it’d be almost impossible for our little stick-legged, blocky friends, the OG North Swedish. The team is in a place where it’s starting to focus on defining its style, and that’s very good, but it’s also going through the growing pains of trying to make the game look coherent in that style without fully abandoning its history because it’d upset a portion of the player base, hence the continuing presence of the horse market.

So, I would like to steer this discussion away from advanced dressage moves and focus on the first step forward: getting a basic course in. Walk, trot, canter, maybe even hand gallop to accommodate the fact that this game has been built on a speed-focused and travelling mechanic where travelling for long distances in anything slower than a hand gallop is basically torture unless you’ve willingly chosen to do so. Most of the time, though, we’re all running around like Sonic the Hedgehog.

So, I’m going to talk about three games. The Star Stable PC & Starshine Legacy games, Championship Riding Star (3, in particular, if I’m not mistaken? Let’s Ride Riding Star, with Cross Country, Dressage, and Show Jumping, with a blue icon and a red star with a pon in it), and Petz Horsez 2 (or Secrets of the Ranch, again, if I’m not mistaken). I’ve also broken this up by segment to hopefully find what you’re most interested in a bit easier.

THE PATH OR “TRACK”

All of these have one element in common: a path to follow on the ground. Star Stable uses blue arrows - gets the job done, but not exactly the prettiest thing around. Riding Star uses white block things that kind of look like a collapsible travel pet dish, which fit its light display aesthetic. Petz Horsez 2 uses dots color coded to the gait it is requesting. All of these I like for their purpose: stay on the path, and you will score better. Stray from the path, and you will score worse. They are meant to show the pattern you are to ride in, which, no, you wouldn’t technically have IRL, but the game’s also not asking you to memorize the Riding Hall Jumping Course before you ride it the first time. So as a game mechanic, this is perfect and necessary.

Personal taste? I like the rounded shapes of Riding Star and Petz Horsez. Horsez’s mechanic gives an additional cue for what gait to follow, which can be helpful. They were also stationary, which might prove less distracting than the moving arrows of Star Stable for some players.

ELEMENTS OR FIGURES AND A COHERENT RIDE

So, let’s talk about how they handled transitions between movements. Each of these games tended to show at least one “element” at a time. Star Stable showed one figure or element at a time, and, while the system is good, I don’t necessarily think these same figures should be used. The path should be coherent and constantly connected, instead of allowing the player to zig zag across the arena at any gait they want between figures, as that isn’t very dressage like at all.

Riding Star and Petz Horsez had figures and movements that constantly connected to one another. Riding Star used white columns of light to denote a “checkpoint” of sorts where you were going to change gaits, instead of denoting the end of a certain figure. For example, if you had been trotting on the rail, but it wanted you to canter along the rest of it and proceed to X, you would pass through a checkpoint, at which you should transition from a trot to a canter to complete the path between that checkpoint and the next at X at a canter.

Petz Horsez 2 also broke movements apart mostly by gait. The dots showed you what path to ride, and their color showed you at what gait to do so, but a gait change (or a transition to a special figure or movement, which I’ll talk more about in a moment) was typically indicated by the path ending. When you reached that point, the next series of dots appeared in whatever color corresponded to the new gait, and you would transition to that gait, and proceed.

This creates a more coherent, connected ride where you are performing a set movement across the arena at a set gait, as you would in a dressage ring. This is the kind of pattern creation a dressage system should follow.

PATTERNS, FIGURES, AND WHY SPECIAL MOVES MIGHT NOT WORK

So, what kind of patterns? Well, pretty basic stuff is all I’d need to be happy, quite honestly. Petz Horsez 2 and Riding Star have complex movements involved in them (special movements like the piaffe, for example), but have different control schemes/key mappings that would be difficult for SSO, and their horses all used the same body type, so animating those wasn’t such a problem.

So, let’s ignore the special dressage moves of Riding Star. They’re fun, but even that control scheme was a pain in the ass since it used the mouse to control your rider’s balance, rhythm, horse direction, etc., and instead focus on things in Petz Horsez 2. Some special moves of this nature were included as gait specific functions. For example, a half-pass was possible at the canter by pressing and holding 3 while in a canter. Mapping-wise, technically possible, but, again, remember the hell that’d probably be in the animation department. An American Quarter Horse and a Jorvik Starter Pony would look very different doing the same thing, and that’s a lot of models to add animations to that still fit their current animations.

So forget even that. Let’s just focus on Petz Horsez 2′s figure feature. In the game, the camera will pan across the arena to reveal a pattern you must memorize and then ride as close as possible. There’s also a feature called champion vision that you can use to see the pattern again to ride more accurately that you must build by participating in competitions, but that’s not the relevant part. I want figures like them, but not necessarily with the memorization part. I just want figures like crossing the arena through the center line, diagonally crossing the arena, circles, etc. Those kind of figures. Not a weird little reverse-looking symbol that only covers half of the arena in the Star Stable PC games. Whatever we’re doing, we should be utilizing a lot of the space available. No, I’m not calling for every circle to be the entire arena’s width, but you get what I mean.

Petz Horsez 2 also has collection and extension of gaits, but, again, that would require slightly tweaked animations, which might not be as big as creating completely new ones for completely new moves, but it’s still something I don’t find necessary for immediate inclusion. Start our character and us as players with something simple like the training and tutorial courses of Riding Star, where we just have to ride around the arena following the path at the correct gait.

INTERFACE/HEADS UP DISPLAY

So, about that. Let’s talk about the interface. What I like about Riding Star’s is that it shows the gait you should currently be performing, and what the next gait is, so you can better prepare to transition at the correct time. If you were in the correct gait, I think the display remained normal, if you weren’t, the bar would turn red, or something would, it’s been a while since I’ve played. Something like that would be beautiful, and it didn’t utilize a lot of space in the top center of the screen, so it could fit where the timer bar is, roughly, in our normal race displays. Petz Horsez 2 simply displayed the requested gait and what gait you were performing, but it had color coded path markers, so it did the same in its own way, sort of. Overall, I think the interface could easily take more so after Riding Star’s because its clean and easily organizes the information you need to perform the right gait.

I believe in one video I watched, they used the color coded path indicators of Petz Horsez 2′s style, and a flashing circle gait indicator similar to that of the Icelandic race. This could be a nice way to give another visual cue, or a different style of visual cue that still fits into the current UI style. But a constant display of current requested gait and next requested gait, I think, would be very nice, if there’s a layout the team finds that they like and doesn’t find too crowding on the screen.

SUMMARY

Start small, and start basic. Let’s start by getting a system incorporated that uses the space of the arena properly and utilizes the gaits all horses, regardless of model age, etc., have. While I’m sure the community would love to see even more including things like “special figures” and the likes, I think it’s a bit too big of a project to ask the team to take on immediately when figuring out this system, and they’re in an age where they’re just kinda coming into their own; they’ve still got a lot of areas to update to make their style match now that they’ve determined that’s the direction they want to go in, and, currently, there’s not much of an area to include a big project like this. Some basic dressage at the riding hall I think would work fine, but (and this is banking on a lot, IE Northern Jorvik, which, if you’re interested, I’ve made a whole shitpost theory about here (x)) since they’re also namedropping places like Beauvista (TLDR version of shitpost: an area in Northern Jorvik famous for dressage, one of the main areas of SS Spring Riders, a dressage based game, and namedropped by none other than Loretta at the Midsummer Festival 2018), this is something that could be introduced more widely in an area like that, or expanded upon, if they wanted to introduce something in the nearer future.

This is a system that I don’t doubt will take a lot of work and tweaking, regardless of what they decide to go with and what they feel comfortable starting on. Therefore, I don’t expect to see it anytime in the relatively near future - certainly not within the year, and maybe not even next year. Right now, the game is honestly doing a lot of other good things, and while I don’t think the Tumblr community needs that reminder as much as some other social media communities do, I think it’s still good to stop and appreciate that. We’re in a very exciting place for the game where the game is starting to come back together and to itself, getting the updating attention it deserves to really solidify its place, and come back to the story and spirit that attracted many of us to it.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[sublimegentlemanalpaca]

CotIG and RWBY crossover ideas and stuff.

Have had this on my mind for a day or two. So here’s this( Note it might not be especially coherent...but we’ll see I suppose). First I might need to explain what the heckin heck RWBY is. Since while I’m guessing most followers are familiar with CotIG, or other things I’ve Rambled about crossing over and what not....there’s a possibility only the one person I know irl who follows me has any clue what RWBY is( watching it and what not). So before getting into the crossover ideas themselves, I’m going to try and relate as briefly as can manage what the heck RWBY is. So here’s that Preface I suppose (man having a Preface...weird). So....RWBY is an ongoing web series created by the Late Monty Oum and produced by the Entertainment company Rooster Teeth (known for stuff like Red vs Blue, Achievement Hunter, and the animated series Camp Camp and recently Nomad of Nowhere. Also RWBY). It’s like five seasons (or volumes). Your basic teenagers trained to fight monsters sort of thing. A world where everyone weapon ever (barring a handful of exceptions) ‘is also a gun’. Seriously. Said combat school attending teenagers being put into teams of four with their names arranged into a color or some such. Just about every character is referential. Like the main four with some inspiration from Fairy tales. Other things including literature, History etc. not strictly based on...but referencing in names Aesthetics, that sort of thing? I’m bad at explaining things. Can be a storm of cliches at times, with the first season being a bit....rough....but while flawed it’s a show that improves as time goes on (I find anyway )...but good. I can’t say for certain I’d recommend with the certainty that you’ll enjoy it....but I’d suggest possibly give it a look. It’s all on YouTube for free and what not. Being so focused on the unique weapons (while oddly not elaborating much on the actual construction of said things....which is a minor complaint but I digress) and action and stuff....I had a difficult time trying to determine how a crossover between this and CotIG would work. Only time I thought of the two together st one time was on two occasions. First thinking how the first Theme song ‘This Will be the Day’ could fit Rose? Or at least elements. Second a whole thing about how a character based on Hank Morgan would work so well (given Hank was an Arms manufacturer. Making in Camelot everything from Revolvers, to Rifles, to Gatling Guns, and hecking Land Mines!) in a Series like RWBY. Onto the point of this whole thing! First, figuring out a reason for the Interdimensional Travel. Updating Hank’s own Dimension Geographica (with a mostly unfinished map of Remnant, likely made during a time of War). Character interactions: Mainly Rose, Laura Glue, and Edmund interacting with teams RWBY and JNPR (with Rose likely getting along with Ruby and Blake from RWBY, and Sparing with everyone?. Laura Glue getting along best with....I’m guessing Yang and Nora probably? I’m not sure...) I know for sure an interaction between Poe and Professor Ozpin would be really interesting...since if I were to describe Ozpin as a mix of other characters....there’s part Wizard of Oz, part Dumbledoor, and a bit of CotIG Verne and Poe for sure). Also the culture shock for the CotIG characters would be funny. None of them existing there (since I’m pretty sure the first thing they’d do upon entering a new Dimension or unfamiliar one is Check the Book stores). It would probably be in a Book store that CotIG Young Magicians meet the RWBY characters... Come to think of it...another thing to consider is when in RWBY would this take place. After the First Dragon I’m sure. As for RWBY....I’m not sure. Since before Vol. 3 and Post Vol. 3 are quite different to say the least. I’d imagine Hank would have some notes explaining stuff about the world so the CotIG are entirely lost...(explaining Dust. The fact that they should be armed.) On the weapons thing. I’m guessing Hank may have left behind Pistols modified to use Dust (since I’m guessing Gunpowder might not work? Maybe? I’m not sure). I’m guessing Edmund had been taught at some point to use fire arms by some of The Caretakers (Twain hammering into his head the whole ‘when it’s appropriate to fire a pistol thing). And now I’ve exhausted ideas. I’ll possibly come up with more later? It’d be a question to what degree the Magic Poe and Houdini (who’d come along for reasons..) know would carry over. Since straight up Magic exists only for like...five or six people? Others having what are basically superpowers called Semblances (One has super speed. Another has Magneto Powers.). Like, would Poe keep legitimate Hypnotism (which I’m guessing he knows?) and what’s that do to Poe, Rose, and Edmund being Adepts? I’m guessing some things work there (otherwise how would Hank have left?). Like Anabasis Machines? Not sure about Trumps. On a last note?...I’m guessing Hank met Ozpin at some point probably? Or at least met someone that he’d then leave a note as ‘this person knows some shit and knows me. Find him if any other Messengers or others get there, find him’. And that’s it. Kind of scatterbrained admittedly, but there you go. Give it a look if you care to...or not. Make of this what you will. Al, the Chronographing Cottager and Prince of Naming

[the-crippled-god]

Steam Next Fest, October 2021

Here’s a few sentences on the demos I’ve played thus far. We’ll see if I get to more...

A=B: Of the genre of 'Esolang programming games' (of which there are many), this might be one of the easiest to get into. However, nearly all the fun is going to come out of weird tricks you can pull off with the new instructions added in each section, which kinda defeats the premise. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised at how clever the game let me be with the the base 'one instruction'. It's not really programming, it's pattern matching and replacing (that being said, folks are starting to work out that well implemented pattern matching is one of the most powerful tools a programming language can have), and a condition that if a rule matches, the instructions start over, rather than continue. I wonder if there's any real world langs that behave like this, but support regex patterns (including capture groups), it might actually be a neat way of building things like custom file renaming rules... Games like this always feel like I'm doing work while not at work, but the simplicity of the base instruction makes this feel more like a puzzle game than something like TIS-100 or Shenzen IO, so provided the extra instructions don't make it feel more like programming (avoid adding branching, don't let me loop beyond the base loop, etc.), I'll probably enjoy this. Verdict: interesting, I'll probably buy it if it's cheap.

Galaxy's Extreme: This is another "Nintendo won't make a new F-Zero game so we'll do it ourselves", and it's... fine. Momentum feels good, and the controls feel good, it's just, too simplistic. I really feel like a spiritual successor to F-Zero needs the strafe and slide turning of GX (or some equivalent), without absurd goofy snaking, it's just, not the same, let alone an escalation of the style. You also only seem to leave the ground and prescribed points, rather than behaving like a hover craft, which doesn't quite feel right. Verdict: I'll probably pass on this one, if it gets rave reviews on release, and has online multiplayer, I could see grabbing it to play casually with friends.

Rayze: There's a good idea here, this isn't a good implementation of it. Momentum feels weird, and the game doesn't use raw mouse input, for some reason. An 'Aim racer' feels like a good idea, but this is more of a puzzle game where you're trying to work out how the level designer wants you to click things. Verdict: pass, absolutely not for me.

Dread Delusion: Open world immersive sim, focused on being weird. Seems alright, demo is a little too limited to tell, and I allocated my stats wrong to be able to see all of it (you seem to need high Lore to get to a few areas), but I enjoyed what was here, and will probably pick it up as just a weird thing to explore. Verdict: neat, be interested to see how the full version is.

Titanium Hound: This one looked cool, but it's really not good. Sounds in the menus are ear piercing, control scheme makes no sense on either the keyboard or controller. None of the attacks feel like they have impact. Controls are floaty and weird, like everything is on ice. Enemy sounds are muted, music is boring. Verdict: Really disappointed in this one, hard pass.

Transiruby: C...Cute... This seems like a fun light hearted metroidvania. Dialogue is witty, Siruby and pals are cute. Music is charming. Controls are tight. Graphics lean a little to simple for my tastes, but otherwise no complaints. Verdict: I'll probably buy this, seems like a good coping game for me.

Gastova: The Witches of Arkana: Meh. Some of the cutscene and character detail art is cute. Writing feels like it has a good premise, but could use an editor to punch up the jokes and quips a bit, since they don't quite land. It's almost like English isn't the writers first language, they have a good grasp of how to put words together so they're coherent, but they're not great at pacing dialogue so it feels natural. Gameplay is, bland? This feels aggressively like a 3rd party SNES platformer, like a Super Adventure Island or something. This is in all respects. It eats inputs randomly, attacks have no impact, enemies take too many hits, basic platoforming requires you stand on the very edge of the platforms, etc. I'm sure there are people who will get a kick out of this, but it's not for me. Verdict: pass.

Ex-Zodiac: It's a Starfox clone! Kinda halfway between SNES and 64. It's pretty good, not really doing anything original, but it plays well. Only weird issue I noticed is that enemies behind you can shoot at you, and there's not really a way to avoid it. Other than that my main complaint is the camera feels a little tight, definitely more like Starfox SNES, and it's a bit annoying. Verdict: I'll wishlist it, purchase is going to depend on the length and price of the full game.

Exo One: Interesting, likely not for me. I dig the movement scheme, though certain aspects of it suffer from the minimal UI/HUD. Manoeuvring through big wide open Unity terrain maps is not really compelling to me, I think I'd really like this if it was a more concentrated experience. Verdict: Pass, but I'll keep an eye on it.

POSTAL Brain Damaged: Hell yeah, this seems good. Think I like it more than Postal 4, at least in its current state. Writing is very Postal, except weirdly more subtle than usual? Dunno, this I like it more than Postal's usual crassness. Weapons are all versatile and cool (in the demo the rocket launcher weirdly feels the worst), and level design and aesthetics are on point. Didn't finish the demo cause I'd kinda rather play this on release, but really liked what I played. Verdict: Wishlisted, to pick up next time I'm in the mood for a boomer shooter.

Hypnagogia: Boundless Dreams: I was expecting something different. This seems to be a mostly linear 1st person platformer set in a childish dreamscape. It's fine for what it is, but at least as a demo, it didn't grab me. I think Anodyne 2 did this aesthetic better, this kinda feels like someone looked at Spyro the Dragon, and decided that's what dreams looked like. Maybe it gets weirder later, but I'm not sure I want to wait around to find out. Verdict: Pass for now, but I'll check the reviews when it comes out.

Cleo: A Pirate's Tale: It's alright, for a one person game, it seems pretty dang good. But, I don't think I'll play it. Everything about it is just a little off. Writing isn't quite funny, voice acting has weird intonation and direction, controls don't quite work intuitively, art style feels a touch unrealized, etc. Definitely give this one a try, especially if you liked old LucasArts games, you might love this, but I didn't. Verdict: Pass, but I have a few friends I'll probably recommend this to.

Hunt the Night: There's a good (potentially great) game here, but it leans just a little too into being difficult/punishing for my taste. You can animation cancel into a dash, except when there's hit stun from contacting an enemy with your sword, so you can't dodge ranged attacks while you're engaged in melee? Sometimes enemies are hit stunned by your attacks, sometimes the same enemies can attack through your hits? There's no stamina bar, but there's like 4 different meters to manage, and they work pretty well at forcing you to use all the options available to you. The weapons I found seemed to only differ in attack speed, melee combos did not change meaningfully, which is disappointing, but I didn't experiment much. Otherwise, for a 'bloodborne but as top-down zelda' it seems pretty great. Story seems interesting enough, if predictable, gameplay has a lot of good ideas, but it maybe needs another round of polish. A range indicator on the dash, and a solid explanation of if I'm suppose to be using it to dodge (and when I can cancel into a dodge and when I can't), along with a clear timer on how long I need to hold the heal button, would go a long way into making the game feel more fair. Verdict: On wishlist for now, because the trailer makes it look really fun, but I'll likely take a look at the reviews on release.

Anuchard: I swear I've seen this main character design before, I think they were a cameo design in CrossCode? Oh wow is English not the writer's first language, grammar issues all over the place. Thankfully, not so bad as to be incomprehensible, but I really hope they get an editor fluent in English before release. Gameplay wise, this seems a little too simple? Combat is satisfying, but you can stun lock the boss? And while the shield/heavy attack system seems like a good idea, it doesn't add much depth. Puzzle solving by bouncing the gems around feels bad. You can't aim in more than the 8 cardinal directions, and even that's inconsistent, and hit detection requires you to be really precise. Art is cute, writing seems like it has potential, if it gets a good proof read, music was interesting to good. Verdict: I think I'll pass, but I'll look into it after release.

Marmoreal: Can you tell this game wanted to be a Touhou fangame, but the art was worse than even ZUNs so they couldn't get the license? Joking aside, ignoring every art asset in this game (except the animation, but we'll get to that), this game is great. Gameplay feels really good, though I feel I need to re-map the abilities buttons a bit, I kept hitting them at inopportune times. And, the animation in cutscenes, along with the writing, make this a stupid ridiculous romp that nearly had me falling off my chair in laughter. This game knows exactly what it is, and I'm here for it. Verdict: Wishlisted, and I'll probably play more of the demo, since it's pretty substantial.

Transmute: A very clearly inspired by Axiom Verge (and maybe Environmental Station Alpha) metroidvania. My biggest complaint is the writing falls flat. Crazy shit is happening to and around the protag, and she hardly reacts (the writing puts more emphasis on her being 'anti-colonialist' than it does on the fact that she'd been in stasis for several years). Game plays well, though not being able to shoot at an angle, or downwards feels weird. Has an augment and retrieval system like Hollow Knight. the augment system even let me combine 2 things I didn't think it would allow me to. Difficulty spikes up after the 2nd boss, so I peaked my head into the 2 areas that open up, but wasn't really interested in banging my head against them when I know I'll have to start over when the game comes out. Verdict: Seems pretty well put together for a metroidvania, I'll wishlist it.

Tunic: This seems so close to brilliance, but it's just not there. The game looks adorable, but here's the issue: There's a massive amount of latency to the controls, you constantly feel like you're manoeuvring through muck. Even the most basic enemy can react to you faster than you can to it, enemies do a lot of damage, healing is very limited, and it has retrieval mechanics on death. This game feels really difficult for no reason. It's clearly trying to look like zelda, why does it play like a wannabe took-all-the-wrong-lessons-from-dark-souls game? If this game played closer to a 2d zelda game, it'd be a lot of fun, but as it plays right now, I have no interest. Verdict: Pass.

[seafoam-blue]

Receding Shores by OrcaWolfy

Story link.

Title (3.5/5)

I really, really like this title. The moment I saw your title on the form, I was so excited to read the story. It sounds sophisticated and elegant, yet mystifying and captivating. I have a thing for titles that have an allure of sophistication without revealing anything and I find that your title is exactly that. I think it has potential for a lot of different plots. I would definitely give the story a try if I were to browse around and find it by accident. However, even though it’s a good title to me, as of now, I feel like it has yet to relate to the plot of your story (other than the fact that the setting is mainly at a beach hence the word “shores”). I’m sure if the story was completed and if I knew exactly what the plot was going to be about, I could go more in depth about it. Since there are only five chapters published, I can’t say much about the relevance of the title to the story. A thought that the story will be giving some slices of angst in between romance came to my mind when I first looked at your title, although I’m still uncertain whether or not I was completely right since your story is still on-going and the tags only hint it to be a romance and friendship story that is fluffy and smutty. I believe that you have everything planned and organized, therefore I hope to see how you will develop the plot and relate it to the title.

Anyway, I also would like to mention that I LOVE your chapter titles. They are simple yet lovely and invoking to me. The titles are perfectly tied and connected to your chapters so I just had to give an extra point for that even though they aren’t really a ‘title’.

Description & Foreword (7/15)

First and foremost, this section will mainly be focused on the description as there isn’t much more than pictures of your characters and credits in the foreword. To be quite honest, the description is not something that would grip my interest. The reason for that is because, to me, the description is too plain and it didn’t spark my curiosity like how a description should when I first read it. I have to be honest that the one thing I like from your description is the simplicity of it. You phrased the whole sentence with the proper length and wording. Its short and blunt content reveals the main idea of the story without spoiling anything; that’s what I think you did a good job of. However, like I said earlier, the description is not entirely captivating. The impression that it first gave me failed to grip my interest or spark my curiosity to read your story. First impressions are really important. Your title gave me a good first impression but your description didn’t. Also, the description says, “Together, no competitions, just friends. Maybe lovers even.” From here we can assume that the story is going to be about the friendship and eventual romance between the members of BLACKPINK and 2NE1. I can see the relation between the description and your tags. However, even when the story seems to be about friendship and romance, I feel like the latter is more emphasized. There are already five chapters published but I barely see that friendship you meant in both your tags and description. I wish we could see more of the friendship stuff before jumping into the romance part. This might also have to do with the fact that your story is still in its early stages, so I hope there’s an improvement as the story progresses.

Then there’s the foreword where there isn’t anything else but pictures and some credits. I don’t mind them but I don’t think it is sufficient to not include something else in the foreword, like maybe, an excerpt from your story that can lure the readers in more. A description is supposed to attract readers, and the foreword is supposed to support the description. Both descriptions and forewords are there to capture people’s interest to read the story. When your foreword only consists of what you have right now, it doesn’t really reach its purpose of supporting your description. Please use the advantage of forewords to support your descriptions. Either an excerpt or a short preview. Even a simple quote that is relevant to the plot would be great.

Overall appearance (3/5)

I think the overall appearance of your story is nice. The font and size are just right, and the poster and background are really pretty. However, I have to admit that the poster and background lack some spark to them. They don’t really set off the mood and tone of the story well. From what I’ve gathered, the story is quite light and romantic with some depiction of drama in the plot. Unfortunately the poster and background do not portray that dramatic and liveliness ambience of your story. The colors are too gloomy for a story like yours. I did say that your title gave me an angsty vibe but after reading your story I don't think angst is part of your genre, yet both the poster and background appear angsty, which is why I find that they don’t fit your story at all. You did mention in the form that your story is slight angst but the colors of the poster are still a bit too dark even for a slight angst fic. Besides that, I’m also annoyed that the poster fails to portray your character personalities. Maybe because it’s hard to make a poster of eight characters and it’s easier to use pictures from official pictorials for a poster like this. However, I feel like it’d be a lot nicer if the character personalities are properly conveyed in the poster. In your story, the BLACKPINK members are mostly cheery and childlike while the 2NE1 members are mostly mature and sophisticated. I wish these traits could be seen in the poster because that’s what posters are for. In fact, the character layout portrays your characters and story better than the poster does (kudos to the designer). I know that you didn’t make your own poster so it’s really not your fault.  If you’re willing to request for a new graphic, I suggest one that is mixed with a whole lot more light romance/drama qualities. The poster and background are nice to look at and very aesthetically pleasing but they don’t do your story justice so I’m really sorry if I’m being too critical right now.

I would also like to talk about the way you organized your foreword. I’m sorry but the way you put the pictures and credits look a bit chaotic. It’s not a problem if you view the story on computer but it looks crowded when you view the story via phone. I can see your effort in making your foreword look pretty, and it is, but try to make it look neat. Also, try to separate the character layout from the credits, maybe make a bigger spacing in between or just insert a horizontal line. Whatever that can make your foreword look cleaner and more legible.

Plot / Flow (10/20)

I think because the story only has five chapters right now, so obviously there isn’t much development to the plot yet. It’s nice that each of the chapter has something going on so that readers can actually have something to look forward to when they read your story. However, despite that factor, I have to say that from the beginning until the latest chapter, the plot idea has been extremely simple and isn’t quite engaging. I said this before but the story is quite light, and I meant that in a way that there isn’t anything exciting about the whole plot so far but at the same time nothing boring about it either. Maybe the reason why I find the story quite on the plain side is because the story itself is not the most realistic. I have a hard time understanding the characters and plotline. The situation in the story is very odd. Realistically, popular idols who are nationally known like BLACKPINK and 2NE1 have packed schedules and rarely have time to do other things regardless of whether they are promoting or not. If as described in the story, all the characters should be way too busy to have so much free time to go vacationing in Busan, and it also won’t be easy for them to go somewhere without the media not knowing about it. I’m not saying it’s entirely impossible for idols to go on a vacation freely but it’s highly unlikely. Plus, where are the managers? It doesn’t make sense that their managers are not with them even if they are on a break. It also makes no sense when none of the managers contacted the girls. This is one of the reasons why I prefer AUs because when it is the opposite, it’s hard to write realistic and believable situations unless you have worked in the industry or have done a lot of research to actually have knowledge about it.

Besides that, the flow of the story is pretty choppy. It's good that your story is starting to have a conflict because all stories require some kind of conflict, no matter whether it is a major conflict or a minor one. Conflict is arguably the most important element in making a story because without it your story will have no movement and no narrative drive. I can see that you know the importance of a conflict so you managed to create one that I believe happened in chapter 4. The conflict is fine but the problem I have with it is how unnatural and awkward it is included in the story. The conflict seems to be randomly thrown just for the sake of having one rather than part of an ulterior plan. It’s hard to grasp how quickly it went from Dara and CL to Dara and Jennie. The transition is just not natural. It is too abrupt and quite hard for me to digest what’s really going on. My main problem with it all is how it doesn’t flow well together. It lacks coherence. In my opinion, the plot is already enjoyable and satisfactory, but the structure and organization need some improvement. What you can do is elaborate and develop your plot in a cleaner and more orderly way before starting the conflict so that everything can actually flow well together. Consequently the overall flow and plot of your story will be better.

Writing style (11/15)

Your writing style is not complicated. It’s easy enough for readers to understand what is happening in your story. You keep your diction and syntax pretty simple and straight to the point. I love the simplicity and delicate tone of your writing because it suits well with the story. However, I just wish that you could be more descriptive in your writing. Different authors have different kinds of writing styles and I’m not asking you to change yours because it’s already fine and it has its good points, but I do hope that you can try to describe more about the things in your story. More often, your descriptions seem more factual and clear-cut, focusing more on the actions rather than the characters’ thoughts, settings, etc which sometimes can be hard for readers to connect to the story. I just think that it would be much more interesting if there were more details about the plot, settings and characters.

Anyway, I wouldn’t say I struggled reading your story but I certainly had a few difficulties. The reason for that is because I really hate the inclusion of romanized Korean words. I know that the story is revolving around Korean idols and of course we picture them to be speaking in Korean, but I find that if the story is written in English, it is best to keep all phrases and expressions in English (this does not include honorifics so -hyung, -unnie, -sunbaenim, etc are fine). Maybe it’s a pet peeve of mine but it makes the story feel awkward to read because you’re just randomly interjecting a Korean word into an English sentence and it just doesn’t fit there. Try saying something in English out loud and then add an “aigoo!” or "nae~" to the end or beginning of it; it seems so...weird. I also think that these romanized Korean words in an English story make everything look childish.

Other than that, this only happened in one chapter which is the first one but I still need point it out anyway because it’s a flaw that every author should avoid doing. Please do not change POVs like the way you did in chapter 1. When you want to write a story, one of the most important things to consider is the type of POV you’re going to use. I think you know that there are three types of POVs; first person, second person, and third person (omniscient & limited). These POVs are what going to narrate your story. Covering different POVs in a single story is always a poor decision. You must always stick to one POV. In chapter 1, you switched from third person (Jennie) to first person (Minzy), and I’m sorry but that’s just wrong. That’s not how narration works in a story. If you have so many characters that need to be covered, then it’s best to just stay in 3rd person like you have mostly done in the other chapters. This change of POV only happened in the first chapter so I hope you can quickly fix it and not repeat it in your future chapters.

Character development (8/20)

Before I go more in depth on this section I would like to applaud you for having the ability to write a story with eight characters. Characters play very important and essential roles in a story. When the story develops, the characters need to develop and grow as well. It’s really hard to develop so many characters at the same time especially when all your characters seem to be the major and central characters in your story. It takes a lot of work and effort to establish a good character development with more than one important characters, and in your case you’re working to establish character development with eight important characters. That’s really amazing. Not a lot of people can do that, even I do not dare to try it because it’s a big challenge in writing. I really admire your skill and courage to do so because it shows that you like writing and want to grow as a writer.

Alright. Now let’s talk about the characters. I have to be honest that the characterization is pretty weak. Your characters are not well-developed and that’s probably because you have only written five chapters, so the development of both BLACKPINK and 2NE1 are not yet well-constructed. Personally, I really have no emotional connection to any of the characters whatsoever. I cannot relate, connect to, or understand them. What you lack in your characterization is depth. There are obvious traits of your characters that I can spot like how I said earlier that BLACKPINK are mostly cheery and childlike while 2NE1 are mostly mature and sophisticated. Unfortunately, that’s just it. There aren’t any sides or layers to the characters besides what I just mentioned. These girls are all very important characters to your story since the plot itself revolves around them, but there isn’t much to the them as characters which makes them all two-dimensional. You don’t delve enough into their characteristics. They are also not all that realistic, like their reactions to things in their lives and their thought processes are not reasonable. Here is one example:

- Jennie and Dara. I can’t for the life of me understand how could they possibly sleep with each other. It’s true that Jennie’s relationship with Jisoo is still vague (although they do like each other), but Dara is obviously in an established relationship with CL. Also, despite the fact that Jennie and Jisoo’s relationship is still vague, they seem to share the understanding that if they are ever going to start a relationship, it’s definitely going to be with each other. Infidelity can happen but here’s the thing: before the smut happened, there was no indication that there was an attraction between Jennie and Dara. There was also no solid interaction between the two but suddenly they were both in their own private lodge having sex. It’s not realistic and it’s really an odd and abrupt characterization. I know that there’s an implication that Jennie and Dara were under the influence of alcohol but they didn’t seem to be intoxicated when they were doing it, thus it’s hard to think of what happened and their respective responses to it as believable.

There are other instances where your characters need more depth. This mostly has to do with the fact they are not fully developed yet so everything feels awkward to read, but it also has to do with how choppy your flow is. I’d suggest slowing the pace down a bit so you have time to develop your characters.

Language / Grammar (11/15)

Honestly I’m not going to dwell on grammar. I am no grammar Nazi. I wish I was at least an active reader for tenses and spelling but I’m not. I write instinctively, more so in reading, so truthfully I can’t really be as much as a grammar critic as I would like to be. I’m not sure if English is your first language, but you mentioned in the form that you’re fluent in English. I don’t see a problem with your grammar. Your tenses are consistent and there aren’t really any major grammatical errors that are worth mentioning.

The only thing I’d love to see more in this section is the use of imagery. I mentioned before that your diction and syntax are simple and straight to the point. Nothing wrong with that. Your vocabulary is also easy to understand. The language that you used suits your overall story really well. I do appreciate the simplicity of it. However, I also mentioned that it’d be great if you could write more details in your story, and the use of imagery can be really helpful in adding depth to your plot, settings and characters.

Personal enjoyment (3/5)

As a reader, I kind of enjoyed this story. I don’t know how many times I’ve said it but I loved the simplicity of the story. I thought it was nice and satisfying which makes it pleasant to read. I thought it was a decent read. Your plot and character development need a lot more work, but then again, the story is still on-going and there are so many possibilities that could happen in the future chapters. I’m pretty sure you have everything planned. I tried my best to focus on the things that you wanted me to. If you take into consideration of the things that I pointed out and suggested, your story could seriously be good. Judging by the comments, I can see that a lot of people love reading your story and honestly, that’s what really matters. This is quite a long review and I apologize. I tend to ramble sometimes and it’s something that I can’t help but doing when I’m reviewing or commenting. If you got any questions, feel free to ask. Thank you so much for requesting from me and sorry again for being so terribly slow.

Total score (56.5/100)

reviewed on 8/8/2017