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stylesispunk · 9 months ago

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"You're always on my mind"

Joel Miller x f!reader.

summary: You are Joel's reason to live and he is yours.

word count: 3k

warnings: some fluff and heavy angst.

a/n: I'm still on my writing break, but I couldn't take this one out of my head, so you have it here. I don't want to go into details because it would spoil the whole fic, but this is pretty much based on a movie, and by the name and the song, you may get the idea which one is it. Reblogs and comments are appreciated, so please come here and tell me your thoughts. Happy reading 💌

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

Finding such beautiful things in a world like this was not an easy thing to do. In a world like this, there was no spare room for distractions but survival.

In a tarnished world, you were a rose blooming from frozen ground, when neither the coldness of the cryptic winter could end your sweetness.

You were there even when your heart broke at the sight of him, defeated and lost without his Sarah; without the tiny baby he raised, he died in his arms that night of September.

You were there when he became cold, and Machiavellian, a distant ghost of the sweet man with the gleamy brown eyes that smiled at you without a warning, was just off and gone.

And you were broken for him, anxious and afraid of him letting his life go away because the pain of tightening his chest might have been stronger than his love for you.

He was hurting you by hurting himself, and he knew it. He knew he was hurting you; he was aware of the pain he was causing just by looking at your somber gaze, lost in state. Yet he couldn't care or see beyond his own pain. He had lost his daughter and his baby, and he was losing you as you slipped through his fingers.

He had tried to end his life, but he failed. He was going to leave you behind, and he didn’t think about it. He had decided he was going to die and find solace in the thought that he would be reunited with his daughter in a peaceful world while leaving you in a tarnished reality full of monsters and nightmares. Alone with your fears and pain suffocating your lungs. Alone, just by yourself, as if he wasn't the only reason you had to survive.

After the bullet rubbed the skin of his temple, you became silent. You weren’t able to look at the scar marked on his skin, let alone look at his eyes.

And Joel’s heart was constricted against his ribs. Once he failed, he woke up from his trance, and he became aware that he hadn’t been looking after you as he should, but you were silent and you were on his mind.

You weren’t talking, but he knew you were broken because of him.

One day, you were coughing, and Joel's heart contracted against his ribs, and his breath stopped as he listened to your complaints.

"You're sick," he said, looking at you, pacing angrily at him mostly.

Silence.

"You should drink water or

"Or one of those things is going to come after us, I know," you replied without giving a look.

“Do you want to get yourself?"

"Killed? Yes, maybe I do want that." Your voice was motionless, as your eyes kept staring at the flames from the fire flying away to the sky.

"Don't you ever say that; you hear me?"

Silence, defeating silence.

"Answer when I talk to you, please.” He looked for a glimpse of the spark that used to adorn your gaze. Joel's voice trembled with emotion as he stepped closer to you.

"You can't give up," he pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper.

You turned away from him, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze. The fire crackled softly in the background, casting flickering shadows across the walls of your makeshift shelter.

“You were going to give up,” you whispered once you weren’t facing him.

Joel's heart sank at your words, the weight of them heavy in the air between you. He reached out a hand, hesitating, before gently resting it on your shoulder.

"I... I know," he admitted, his voice barely audible over the crackling of the fire. "I was lost. I was so consumed by my own pain that I couldn't see beyond it. But seeing you... seeing how much I've hurt you... it's woken me up."

You felt his touch, gentle over your skin, but you couldn't bring yourself to face him. The wounds were still raw, and the pain was too fresh.

"I'm sorry," Joel whispered, his voice filled with remorse. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I promise to do better. To be better."

Silence hung heavy between you, but it wasn't the suffocating silence of before. It was a silence tinged with possibility and the hope of redemption.

Slowly, tentatively, you turned to face him, searching his eyes for any sign of sincerity.

"You tried to kill yourself, Joel!" You called out "You are in pain, but I am too! Sarah was mine too; maybe not by blood, but she was my daughter too." You sobbed, not being able to contain the tears from spilling. "You were going to leave me alone. Here and-"

He cut you off by pressing his lips against you, expressing all the love he held on his chest and on his whole body for you.

"I love you; I love you; I love you," he murmured against your lips, recomforting, "I'm sorry."

As Joel's lips met yours, a flood of emotions washed over you: love, sorrow, forgiveness, and hope. His kiss was a silent confession, a promise to be there for you, to fight alongside you, no matter what challenges lay ahead.

Tears mingled with the warmth of his embrace as you melted into his arms, feeling the weight of the world begin to lift from your shoulders. In that moment, you realized that, despite the pain and the struggles, there was still beauty to be found in the love you shared.

"I love you too," you whispered against his lips, your voice trembling with emotion. "I forgive you."

Joel pressed his forehead against yours, holding your face in his palms with such a delicate touch. "We keep each other alive," he murmured.

"We keep each other alive," you echoed softly, the weight of his words sinking in.

He kept the promise. He would live for you, and you would live for him; you were each other's reason to stay alive in a mad world.

With time, he let his guard down. Settling in a place like Jackson, in a world like this, it seemed like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. There were people laughing, wearing nice clothes, and sleeping under a safe roof, and yes, it was nice, but Joel didn't want the conformity to ruin his careful routine.

But he couldn't help it. It was impossible to resist his sights in the mornings when the first rays of sunshine peeked through the window, directly at you on your side of the bed. He was astonished by you, by the effortless beauty of your creases and your ends, by your peaceful demeanor, next to the warmth he would provide.

While his achy bones and silver hair reminded him that he was getting old, you looked the same, as if time and pain never took their toll on you.

"You always do that," you murmured, your voice drained from sleep.

"Do what?" was his question, smiling.

"Staring," you blinked your eyes open, trying to wash your sleep away. "It's creepy"

"I love watching you sleep, so I can remember what you thought the day was."

You chuckled; the sound resonated in Joel's ears.

"Sorry if it creeps you out," Joel said, his smile softening. "I just... I can't help it. You're beautiful, even when you're asleep."

You rolled your eyes playfully, reaching out to tousle his hair affectionately. "You're such a sap, Joel."

He laughed, leaning into your touch. "Maybe I am. But I mean it. You're the reason I’m alive.”

Your smile dropped. “Don’t say that.”

Joel's expression softened, realizing he may have touched a sensitive nerve. He gently took your hand in his, his eyes searching yours with sincerity.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you," he said softly. "But it's true. You've been my anchor through the storm, the light in the darkness. Without you, I don't know where I'd be."

A tiny smile graced your lips as you looked at him, studying his face, the creases on his forehead, and the silver hair growing. Time had hurt Joel, but it made him look beautiful to your eyes, and you felt a sadness within your body.

“What do you want to do today?” Joel asked, smiling at you.

You took a moment to compose yourself, letting Joel's words sink in before responding. Despite the weight of his declaration, you knew his love for you was genuine, and it filled you with warmth.

"I don't know," you replied, returning his smile. "Maybe we could take a walk around the town? It's been a while since we've explored together."

Joel nodded in agreement, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "That sounds like a great idea. It'll be nice to spend some time outside, away from these walls.”

Joel didn't like how people ignored him. His protective instincts kicked in as he noticed the way some people in the town seemed to ignore your presence. He tightened his grip on your hand in a gesture of solidarity and support. Even though he knew that you were the only one who could see him, he couldn't bear to see you being overlooked and dismissed by others.

“You seemed tense,” you joked, nudging his neck with your nose as you walked.

Joel couldn't help but chuckle softly at your attempt to lighten the mood, grateful for your ability to find humor even in difficult situations.

“Yeah, well, I hate how people look at me as if I were," he replied, his voice tinged with warmth as he squeezed your hand gently.

“You know why,” you whispered, mostly to yourself.

His gaze lingered on you for a moment before turning his attention back to the path ahead.

Just then, Tommy noticed Joel walking and approached him with a friendly smile.

"Hey, Brother! Where are you off to?" Tommy called out, his voice breaking through the silent atmosphere in Joel’s little world.

Joel glanced at Tommy, offering a small smile in return. "Just taking a walk," he replied, gesturing the way.

Tommy's smile widened as he nodded, noticing Joel’s cheerful humor. "Nice to see you out and about.” He downed his head for a moment. “Are you okay, right?”

Joel looked at Tommy for a moment, waiting for the words to come out of his lips: “Better than ever.”

"Yeah, Tommy, I'm doing alright," Joel replied, his voice laced with false cheerfulness. "Just enjoying the day."

Tommy nodded, though a hint of skepticism flickered in his eyes. "Good to hear, Joel. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

With that, Tommy bid them farewell, leaving Joel to grapple with the weight of his secret once more. As they resumed their walk, Joel couldn't shake the feeling of isolation that gnawed at him, knowing that no matter how much he longed for connection,.

“Don’t be mad. He’s just worried,” you said, picking up on Joel’s behavior.

Joel sighed softly, grateful for your understanding and support. He knew you were right; Tommy meant well, and his concern was genuine. Yet the weight of his secret still pressed heavily on Joel's shoulders, a constant reminder of the barrier that separated him from the rest of the world.

"I know," Joel murmured, his voice tinged with sadness. "I just wish I could... I’m the big brother.”

You squeezed his hand reassuringly, offering a silent gesture of comfort. Joel found solace in your presence, in the way you understood him without needing words.

"I'm lucky to have you," Joel whispered, his gaze softening as he looked at you.

You smiled at him, not speaking more words, and you continued your walk together, hand in hand.

Once you were outside the walls of Jackson, you led the way. As Joel noticed the surroundings, his apprehension grew with each step. Memories of that fateful day flooded his mind—the pain, the fear, and the aftermath.

"I don't like this place," he said, his voice tinged with apprehension as he halted abruptly in his tracks.

You turned to face him, noting the five-foot gap that separated you. "Please, “you implored, your fingertips gently caressing his cheeks. His eyes closed, savoring the warmth against his skin, oblivious to the tears welling up.

"Love," he murmured, his voice trailing off.

“Please, tell me you still have that sweet love inside you," you pleaded, still tracing delicate patterns on his face.

"You know I don’t," he finally answered, his voice breaking mid-sentence.

As the warmth of your touch withdrew, he opened his eyes, meeting yours with a mixture of fear and longing. Tears shimmered in your eyes, and Joel felt his heart clench.

"It's been a year, Joel," you whispered, but he shook his head, unwilling to accept your words.

"You need to let me go," you urged gently.

"I can't. I don't want to," he replied, his voice thick with emotion.

Your heart ached as you listened to Joel's words, knowing the depth of his pain and longing. You wished you could ease his suffering; you wished you could erase the sorrow that weighed so heavily on his shoulders. But you also knew that holding on to the past would only prolong his agony.

"Joel," you said softly, reaching out to cup his face in your hands once more.

“I can’t,” he repeated. “This is the only way I can have you,” his tears falling down his checks.

"I can't just let you go," Joel protested, his voice trembling with the weight of his emotions. "I was so happy that you were mine.”

Your eyes softened with understanding, yet they were also filled with a profound sadness. "I know it's hard, Joel. But holding onto me like this is only hurting you more. You deserve to find peace."

Joel's gaze faltered, torn between the desire to cling to the memory of you and the need to find a way to heal. His heart ached with the unbearable emptiness that consumed him, a void that seemed impossible to fill.

"I don't know how to live without you," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

You reached out, gently taking his hand in yours, offering him a silent anchor amidst the storm of his emotions. "You don't have to do it alone, Joel. Let me be a part of your memories, but also let yourself live for the present."

Tears welled up in Joel's eyes, his resolve crumbling beneath the weight of your words. Slowly, hesitantly, he nodded, a flicker of hope stirring within his heart.

“Close your eyes,” you told him, grabbing the same hand you had put on the wedding band the day you got married, when the world hadn’t ended.

As Joel closed his eyes, a sense of calm washed over him, knowing that whatever was to come, he was not alone. He felt the warmth of your touch and the gentle pressure of your hand in his, and he let himself be enveloped by the love and comfort you offered.

With a trembling breath, you began to speak, your voice soft yet filled with emotion. "Joel," you whispered, your words carrying the weight of a lifetime of love and memories. "I want you to know how much you meant to me and how deeply I loved you."

Tears streamed down Joel's cheeks as he listened, hanging onto every word and every syllable that passed your lips. He felt his heart ache with bittersweet longing, the pain of losing you mingling with the warmth of your love.

"You were my everything, Joel," you continued, your voice breaking with the intensity of your emotions. "And even though I'm not physically with you anymore, I will always be a part of you, guiding you and watching over you."

Joel's grip tightened around your hand, his chest constricting with a mixture of grief and gratitude. "I love you," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

And then, as you finished speaking, Joel felt a shift in the air—a gentle breeze that seemed to carry your presence away. He opened his eyes, expecting to see you standing there before him, but to his dismay, you were gone.

"No," Joel whispered, his voice echoing through the empty space around him. "Don't leave me."

But there was no response, no comforting touch to reassure him. You were gone, leaving behind only the memories and an ache in Joel's heart that would never truly heal. And as he stood there, alone in the silence,.

Ever since that tragic day, when you had died while patrolling with Joel, he had been unable to escape the relentless grip of grief. It was a stupid accident, one he could have prevented if he had been faster, but he wasn't, and he was paying the price.

Right now, every moment and every breath seem to echo with your absence. He had held himself to the memories of your laughter, your touch, and your presence by his side. Everywhere he turned, he saw traces of you. You were there, and he could touch you, but now your goodness fades away with the air. He longed for the comfort of your embrace, the warmth of your smile, and the sound of your voice calling out his name.

But there was silence. He turned around, and with the heaviness in his heart and tears spilling down his checks, he walked back alone to Jackson. This time, there was no reminder of you by his side. Tears blurred Joel's vision as he trudged along the familiar path, the memories of that day replaying in his mind like a relentless nightmare.

But no amount of regret or self-blame could bring you back, and Joel knew that he would have to find a way to carry on without you by his side.

And so, with a heavy heart and tears still streaming down his cheeks, Joel resolved to carry on, to face each day with courage and determination, knowing that even though you were gone, your love would always be with him.

You were always on his mind.

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itoshiexx · 1 year ago

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wonder

synopsis: sae wondered what it was like to be loved by you.

pairing: itoshi sae x gn!reader | words: 800 | warnings: established relationship, tooth rotting fluff, sae is stupidly in love with u

notes: why hello! i'm barely alive! i know i kinda disappeared but i was struggling with personal issues and my mental health, so i didn't really have creativity to write. i'm not sure i like this either, but i couldn't let sae bae's bday go by without posting anything. also this is slightly inspired by the song "wonder - shawn mendes". thank you for your love and patience! <3

masterlist

there are certain things itoshi sae would never admit. like the way he loved calm walks at the beach or how seagulls were his favorite animal. how he secretly regret hurting his little brother’s feelings when he was a stupid teenager. how his life was way lonelier than the world could even imagine, making him hate the walls of his oh so empty apartment.

mostly, he would never admit he wondered what it was like to be loved — not just by anyone, though, but to be loved by you.

he’s not sure when it started. he can’t pinpoint the exact moment his heart began beating faster and his black and white world was filled with color, but he does know that, inevitably, it all comes back to you, like you’re some sort of big bang that created his whole existence. itoshi sae doesn’t think he was actually himself before he became yours.

if you ask him, he’d say it’s a bit pathetic, really. he was never a guy that cared about romance, and he definitely didn’t believe in the concept of a love that could sweep you off your feet, like the hollywood movies desperately tried to sell. perhaps one of the reasons he liked you so much was because you managed to prove him wrong, and not many people were able to do that.

sae was usually right. but you, in his life — that was even more right than his stupid beliefs.

“sae, i need to get up,” your voice breaks him from his stupor, and, instinctively, his hold on your waist tightens. it’s some sort of protection, he thinks. not to you, but to protect him from the pain of having you stray away.

(he never wants to let go).

the football player twists his body to trap you even further on the mattress, burying his face on your chest and tangling his legs with yours. your giggle reverberates through his whole body and brings warmth to his cheeks. his heart flutters, and he can’t even find it in him to hate it.

you must have put a spell on him, he concludes.

“i’m serious. i need to make breakfast,” you say again when he doesn’t answer.

“don’t wanna.”

“you don’t want breakfast?”

“nuh-uh.”

you giggle again, and this time, you seem to give in, relaxing your body and welcoming him in your embrace. sae can only sigh in satisfaction when you card your fingers through his reddish-brown locks, relishing in the peace only you seem to be able to give him.

“i wonder what people would think if they knew how clingy the all mighty itoshi sae can be,” the teasing lit in your tone doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and you earn a scoff.

“shut up,” he quips, although there’s no real bite in it. “you love me.”

and you must not be from this world, because it’s easy — the way you pick up on any slight nuance of his voice or demeanor. it’s so fucking easy for you to read him like an open book and to give the reassurance he so desperately needs; albeit unaware.

your voice becomes impossibly soft, “i do, baby. i love you so much.”

you kiss his forehead, and after wandering around for so long, sae thinks he’s finally home.

for a while, you two just stay there, in bed, wrapped in each other in a way you can’t know where he starts and where you end. the thought of being one with you makes him happy, but that’s just another item in his long list of things he would never admit.

your sweet voice breaks the silence.

“we’re gonna be in bed all day?” there’s nothing but pure curiosity in your voice. no judgment — you never judge him, despite the way he deserves it sometimes. the thought makes his chest tighten with the amount of love he has harbored just for you.

sometimes he thinks he’s too small for it, and he’s scared all this love will overflow and consume him whole. though, it’s even scarier to think he wouldn’t mind: sae is yours. you can have all that he has and all that he is.

“just a little longer,” he whispers, a little more vulnerable than he would like. but it’s okay. it’s always okay when it’s you. “please?”

you hum in agreement, continuing to caress his hair.

“of course. whatever the birthday boy wants.”

sae allows himself to close his eyes and bask in your warmth, on the safety that you so effortlessly gave him. by smelling your perfume, he’s filled with gratitude for all the times he wondered what it was like to be loved by you.

“happy birthday, love.”

he’s glad he doesn’t have to wonder anymore.

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lunajay33 · 8 months ago

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Forbidden💋

Summary: You craved your gym teacher, you’ve always wanted more with him than just your favorite teacher and he knew it

Pairing: Coach Negan x f!reader student(18)

Warning: 18+

•Masterlist•

Song suggestion: As Soon as the Good Times Roll- Scorpions

I loved gym not because of the easy grade or anything, more because the teacher was drop dead gorgeous and everything I craved, he’d go around with these basketball short and baseball hat and tight black shirt and it just made my body tingle, he’s my favorite teacher I go to him whenever I have problems and he’s always there to help but along the way I wanted more than just teacher student I want him to just throw me over his desk and take me but there’s one probably, well other than him being my teacher…..I’m a virgin, reminding me today in gym when it was sex Ed, our annual class that was taught for a day instead of usual gym activities

“Okay class settle down, it’s sex Ed today” everyone groans and some laugh mostly the girls and boys that flaunt their sex lives out in the open like everyone should know

“I know nobody wants to talk about this with there teacher but it’s the rules” the class went on like usual telling us to use protection to be safe, the risks and everything and now it’s question time

“Any questions?”

“Sir does it hurt” I ask then everyone erupts in laughter, I feel the blood rush to my face

“Oh my god, you’re a virgin what a loser” one of the preppy girls says and I can feel my lip tremble trying to keep the tears at bay

“That’s enough, Ashley detention, everyone else class is dismissed” everyone filters to the change rooms and I take more time being the last one in there, I sigh sitting down on the bench after changing, this was going to be the talk of the school, like I didn’t have enough stress with school anyways, I leave the change room when Mr. Smith stops me

“Hey kid come to my office” I follow him anxiously sitting in the chair across from his desk he closes the door and locks it then sitting behind his desk

“You okay?” He asks looking me up and down

“I shouldn’t have asked that I’m sorry”

“Ain’t got nothing to be sorry about it was a normal question”

“I was just curious and now I’m completely embarrassed, everyone thinks I’m a loser for being a virgin”

“Nothing to be ashamed of darlin, but since we’re alone do you have any other questions?” He asks leaning against his desk

“Umm….im not sure I really don’t know anything about this stuff, I’ve never done anything so I don’t know what it feels like”

“Oh I think you know a thing or two, when you look at someone and your eyes wonder lower, your body gets hot and you clench your legs together to ease the ache” his voice gets deeper and my eyes are blown wide with shock

“Mr.Smith what’re you talking about” I feel on fire right now but he wasn’t completely wrong about what he said, it’s hard to keep my eyes off him in gym

“I think we’re well past Mr.Smith, Negan is fine love, I’ve seen you look at me in class, your eyes drift lower until you’re starring right at my dick” he states walking around the desk leaning back on it infront of me

“W..what no of course not you’re my teacher”

“Come on baby, don’t lie we both know you can’t lie to me” he smirks kneeling infront of me placing his hands on my thighs, i sigh knowing he was right he’s always been able to get the truth out of me

“Fine, was it that obvious?” Now I’m embarrassed for a different reason

“Only to me, I’ve had my eye on you, always such a good girl”

“Negan can you…..can you show me how it feels?” Holding my breath until he answered

“You sure that’s what you want Angel?”

“Please I can’t wait any longer I need you” I say as I clench my legs together

“Good girl” he picked me up with ease laying me back down on the desk knocking over pencils and pens, he wrapped my legs around his waist his bulge pushing against my pussy

His fingers playing with the hem of my pants

“You ready?” I nodded frantically

He undid the button pulling my pants and panties off in one pull, my pussy now bare to him, I covered myself with my hand feeling insecure, no one’s ever seen me like this let alone a drop dead gorgeous man

He grabbed my hand pushing it back onto the desk just admiring me, it feels like his eyes are burning fire through me

“Look at this pretty pussy, so wet just for me” I feel his fingers push through my folds circling around my clit making me gasp at a sudden shock running through me

Pulling his shorts down letting his dick free, slapping it against my clit

“Negan please I need it” I whined feeling the pressure of him pushing in finally feeling it pop, that painful but pleasuring feeling coursed through me making me grind down on him just wanting more

“Fuck baby so tight, you alright?” He asked gripping my hips harder

“Yes god please more” I reach up holding his bicep for leverage as he slides in more until he’s flush against me leaning down so our lips are brushing against eachother, sitting in the feeling for a moment of him completely sheathed inside me

“God you do things to me sweetheart, imma show you how a real man fucks” he started off slowly until his thrusts were deep and hard hitting that sweet spot over and over my vision going spotty

“Oh Negan right there!” I dig my nails into his arm not knowing what to do with all this pleasure it was almost too much but god was he good

“You like that baby, you take me so well, so tight around my dick” his words pushed me over the edge about to scream when his hand clamps over my mouth as my body is racked with white hot pleasure feeling liquid drip down my legs

“Fuck fuck” I hear him groan when he pulls out and cums all over my pussy mixing with my release

“Look at you, so pretty and just for me hot damn” his thumb drags through my folds mixing his cum against my sensitive clit making me shake, leaning up on my arms to watch him do it

“How was that for your first time baby?”

“I……I think I wanna do it again” all he does is smirk

“Oh you don’t have to worry about that we’ll be doing this a lot more often now that you’re mine”

#twd fanfiction #negan x y/n #negan x you #negan smut #negan #negan x reader #negan imagine #negan fanfiction #the walking dead negan #negan smith #twd negan #negan smith series #negan smith smut #negan smith x y/n #negan smith x you #coach Negan

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writingroom21 · 8 months ago

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The Nanny

Pairing: rafe x nanny reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside is dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: 18+, p in v, unprotected sex (Practice safe sex), cream pie, mention of drugs, nipple play (If missing any please let me know)

Wc:4.6K

Chapter 4: Backseat Driving

The rest of the night was spent just chatting to the other, filling each other in on stupid things that happened in your life. You had forced him to help you clean up the kitchen after a while of laying on the couch, cheeks turning beet red once you saw the mess that was left. “Such a messy girl.” he taunts, sucking his teeth with the statement. This only made your cheeks flush redder, but he left the teasing at that. You teased him back for not knowing how to clean, embarrassment leaving you as he huffs out retorts.

Getting to know one another wasn’t as bad as it seemed before, conversation flowing as if you have known each other your whole lives. Well you did, both running into the other at parties or around the island, but this wasn’t simple courtesy. You actually wanted to get to know him, the thought frightening because only yesterday you were upset with him and he was ignoring you. But he keeps reeling you in with every question, “what's your favorite color?”, “Favorite song?”, “Favorite season?”, and so on. Each question met with your replies, “Yellow”, “Edge of Seventeen”, “Fall”, asking the same question till he told you his answers.

“Blue”, “Don’t have one”, “Summer because I get to watch you flaunt in those tiny skirts and bathing suits.” He’s half joking about the last one, his favorite season is definitely summer, getting to look at your little outfits are just a plus. That’s how the night ends, questions being shot at the other, until you both fall asleep.

In the morning you wake up facing the wall, the walls of Rafe’s room alerting you to the fact you are in the same bed that started it all. You just lay there for a moment, thoughts swirling in your brain, only snapping out of it due to the feeling of an arm on your waist. Glancing down you see the Cameron family ring on his pointer finger, you graze it lightly, pulling your hand back when his twitches.

Rafe is half asleep when he feels your fingers on him, enjoying the moment of you thinking he is still asleep. Watching you squirm, he tightens his hold on you, the hand you were playing with lightly making its way up before flattening on your chest. Your back is to his chest, sift breathing making the hairs on your neck tickle you. “Five more minutes.” He mumbles, lips pressing to your hair line. You chuckle, turning to face him.

“We should get up. What if it’s past twelve and we are just here sleeping the day away.” You reason, mostly wanting to escape the feeling in your chest. Rafe looks so pretty, his eyes closed making his eyelashes fan his face, pouty lips slightly plump from sleeping. He peaks an eye open, smirking at you before pecking your lips. “Maybe you're right. Wouldn’t hurt to brush that morning breath away.”

You push his shoulder embarrassed he called you out, a recurring theme it seems. “Asshole.” The words muffled with your hand covering your mouth. “Kidding, just wanted to tease you.” He brushes the hair that fell from your ponytail out of your eyes. “Come on, let's get in the shower. Got a long day ahead of us.” You miss the feeling of his body close to you as he pulls away to get up, the loss of body heat making you feel cold.

“What do you mean?” You ask resting on your elbow, watching as he walks around the room, opening drawers to take clothes out. “I gotta go see Barry, you know the guy over the other day. Just have to talk about some business but I wanted you to come with me. Maybe we could go do something after.” He’s saying it like it’s so easy, like wanting to be around you was natural for him.

“You want to hangout with me?” Your voice is low, maybe it was the shock of him suggesting a hangout without sex or it was because you're nervous. What if being with each other besides sex is awful? You could probably hate who he is as a person or worse he can realize you’re boring just to run off with the next girl. “What to good to hangout with me when I’m not fucking you?” He’s looking at you now, eyes shining as he teases you.

“Well If the shoe fits.” You can hear him scoff, your eyes trained at the bedsheets you pick at, hiding your smile from him. “Stop being a brat and get in the shower.” “alright, alright I’m going.”

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The gravel crackles under the truck tires as Rafe pulls down the driveway to get to Barry’s house. It’s a little rundown house, a trailer sitting off to the back by the firepit. His house isn’t too far from your childhood home, yet it feels like it’s in a different part of the island. You’ve heard stories about Barry, none of them good, the house seems to reflect its owner. Another hurricane and you swear it will blow away never to be seen again.

“You okay?” Rafe’s voice draws you out of your thoughts. “Yeah of course I am.” You look out the window as the truck comes to a stop. Truth be told you aren’t okay. Drugs have never been a good thing in your books, you’ve seen how it’s destroyed the lives of family members. How it slowly tears away at Rafe, destroying the relationships around him. You don’t like it but you don’t like the thought of him alone here. From what you’ve witnessed Rafe doesn’t know when to quit, taking one bump of coke after the other, wasting the day away so high that he can’t recognize the people around him. It’s always scared you, not wanting him to end like the horror stories told, but what else is there to do?

Rafe get’s out, going over to your side to let you out, wrapping his arm on your shoulder once you're out. “Country club!” The voice inside the house calls out, screen door opening displaying the man it belongs to. “Ooooo, you brought me a little treat. You really shouldn’t have.” Rafe’s arm tightens around you, shielding your body from Barry’s wandering eyes. In hindsight, wearing the yellow summer dress that comes down to midthigh was not the best decision. You feel exposed.

“Watch it.” Rafe bits out. “She’s off limits, understand?” Barry just scoffs walking back into the house. “White boy comes into my home and tells me what to do. Get your ass inside before I change my mind.” You are left outside, blue eyes blocking your view as Rafe gets in front of you. “You don’t have to go in. You can stay in the car if you aren’t comfortable, I won’t take it personally.” It’s sweet that he cares, maybe it’s because you are sleeping together, but it’s still sweet.

You grab his hand, intertwining your fingers and walking to the door. “It’s okay. I want to be here.” He can’t help but smile, yanking you for a kiss. “What was that for?” Your smile is so bright, the sun illuminating the freckles in your eyes. “Nothing.” He shakes his head, pulling the two of you to get inside. If the outside was run down, the inside is just as bad. There’s a mess everywhere you look, bags of various drug liter the table in the living room, bongs on almost every surface in the room

“Want some?” The silence made you aware of the eyes on you. “Me?” you question pointing to yourself. “Yeah you. It’s a good thing she’s pretty.” Barry chuckles, plopping himself on the couch, hoping to get a glance of what’s under that dress. “My eyes are up here asshole.” You shift, pulling the skirt down to cover up, only to expose more cleavage. Sitting on the opposite couch with Rafe, you glare at the man across from you. “And she’s feisty. I like her. Do you want anything?”

“No. I’ve never done drugs and I sure as hell am not doing them with you.” You retort, their eyes staring at you like you have two heads. Fuck! Anxiety fills you, thinking you fucked up by offending him. “You’ve never done drugs?” Rafe asks, eyes scanning your face waiting for it to show your joking. “Nope. Never done them.” You shrug. It’s not like the opportunity hasn’t occurred. Mostly every party in Obx has some sort of drug, in highschool your boyfriend even smoked weed, it just never was your thing. But mainly you never felt comfortable enough with a person to let you inhibition lower, too scared of what you will say or do.

“Well I’ll be damned. Got yourself a good girl huh, country club?” Rafe tenses up besides you, ready to push himself up off this couch and bash his face in. The nickname he gave you now leaving a bad taste in his mouth, hating the fact that someone else called you it. You hand finds his thigh, halting his actions, he takes a deep breath. “Can we get this over with? Got shit to do.” Rafe tried real hard to keep his tone cool, the words still coming out bitter. “Yeah I bet you do.” Barry’s looking at you again, practically undressing you with his eyes. Rafe’s eyes narrow, his fist balling up so close to teaching Barry not even address your existence.

“Alright, alright let’s go. Why don’t you just wait here? Wouldn’t want to taint you.” He gets up, walking off to the back of the house, a door closing separating you and Rafe from him. “Why don’t you go to the truck? I can meet you there once I'm done.” Rafes already up before finishing his sentence about to walk off, you stopping him so he can’t get too far. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” “Promise.”

With that you leave, standing outside to enjoy the weather, it was perfect. A gnawing feeling is somewhere deep down, worried of what could be happening in there. Was he getting high? No, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t put you in that danger. He was driving for god sakes, he wouldn't, right? The voices in your head are going a thousand miles per hour, throwing scenario after scenario.

You don’t know how long you were out there, it wasn’t a long time but your mind made it feel like hours. “You alright?” Rafe’s voice is right behind you, startling you in the process. “Oh god don’t do that.” You shriek, your right hand swatting him as your left clutches your chest. “Did you get everything?” He opens the door for you, the action making you blush, he smirks when he notices.

“Yeah, just some coke and weed to sell tomorrow night.” He gets in throwing the bags of drugs in the glove compartment. You can smell his cologne, it’s the one you got him for his birthday. “I like your cologne.” The words escape before you can stop them, shutting your eyes waiting for the teasing that's about to happen. “Thanks. Some pretty girl gave it to me, good to know it works.” He’s starting the truck and out the driveway as you think of what he just said.

There’s him calling you pretty again so effortlessly like he didn’t even need to think. “Works?” You question. “Been wearing it since I got it. Glad you finally noticed.” His eyes darted to you before going back to the road. You don’t know what to say, he’s been wearing it for months. When you first gave it to him you were nervous, you never had to give a present to someone who practically has everything.

It was one of the only things you could afford at the time, knowing he wears it seems weird to you. Why would he wear it just so you could notice? He has to be teasing you, yeah that’s it. There’s no way that everyday for almost a year he’s worn it. His birthday is in September and it's already June. He couldn’t have possibly worn it this whole time.

Rafe turns on the radio before your thoughts make you crazy, the song silencing them. The older song fills the car, filling the gaps in conversation. You roll the window down, sticking your arm out the window to feel the wind as you pass the trees lining the road. Whatever is happening between you is confusing. There are moments when you feel like there is something more, that there's this thin layer separating you from falling. Every stolen kiss, touch, words, chipping away from the layer ready to pull you under. Rafe keeps glancing at you, wanting to say something but nothing comes to mind

“Try to stop my hands from shakin’. ‘Cause somethin’ in my mind’s not making sense.”

Rafe listens to the song, lyrics infiltrating his mind.

“It’s been awhile since we were all alone. I can’t hide the way I’m feelin’. As you’re leaving, please, would you close the door? And don’t forget what I told ya.”

He’s staring now, barely looking at the road, just enough to make sure he doesn’t crash the truck. You are humming along to the song, lost in your own thoughts, trying to enjoy this moment worried it would be ripped away. He can’t stop himself from placing his hand on your thigh, right below the hem of the sundress. His fingers digging into your skin to give you a little squeeze, getting you to look at him.

“Just ‘cause you’re right, that doesn't mean I’m wrong. Another shoulder to cry upon.”

Rafe can’t take it anymore, the sun lighting your hair is giving you a halo. It makes you look like an angel. You were an angel, his angel. He’s not in control anymore, his emotions are running high and he doesn’t know how to handle it. This whole thing is new to him. Rafe has never had someone in his life to feel this strongly about. His grip on the steering wheel tightens as he goes to pull over to the side of the road. “Rafe, what are you doing?” A laugh follows your question. “You just look so fucking beautiful right now. I need to kiss you.”

“I just wanna use your love tonight, yeah. I don’t wanna lose your love tonight. Yeah, I just wanna use your love tonight.”

Putting the car in park, his seatbelt flies off of him as he leans over the center console. The radio fading into the background. His left hand grabs your face to pull you into a kiss, his right hand unbuckling you from your seat. You didn’t even need to think about it, you kissed him back deeper, throwing your arms around his neck. The two of you sit there for a few minutes, just kissing each other breaking apart only to get a quick breath of air before diving back in. Neither of you really want to stop, too caught up in the feeling of each other. Ever since you both opened up to each other, even just a smidge, it brought you closer together. Tying a piece of you to the other. Pulling away you open your eyes to notice he still had his closed and a goofy lopsided smile. It was small but you still saw it. “Let’s get in the backseat.”

“Oh yeah? What’re you going to do?” Rafe questions, his right eyebrow raising. “Hurry up before I change my mind.” You challenge. “Yes ma’am.” He retorts, a quick kiss being shared before you climb into the backseat. Rafe gets out of the car, opening the backdoor to join you. “Really out in the open? Should have known you liked having people watch you considering you like watching.” As he tries to get settled in the back, the memory of what started this floods you. Not trying to overthink it, you throw your leg over his lap, your hands resting on the backseats. “Maybe I just don’t mind it when it’s you I’m doing with.” You shrug it off by kissing him.

It took his brain a minute to catch up before he deepened the kiss, focusing on the little confession for a second too long. Rafe’s hands are rubbing up your thigh, pinching the skin just to smooth it over once again. His right hand creeps higher up your thigh as you grind down on him, going underneath the dress and stopping. Rafe breaks the kiss pulling his head back, his fingers twitching. “Are you not wearing any underwear?” You blush at being called out, but you're too turned on to even feel embarrassed so you grind down harder.

“Thought they would just get in the way.” You go to lean in again but his other hand stops you. “You’re telling me that you were sitting at Barry’s with no panties on? God what did I do to deserve such a dirty girl.” This time it’s him going in for a kiss, cupping your neck and hip as your hips pick up their movement. You can feel him through his jeans, his hard dick rubbing against your clit perfectly, but you felt empty. You wanted to feel him stretch you to your limits again, addicted to the pain of having him open you up.

Your hands skim down his chest, landing on his toned stomach as you tease the button of his jeans. “How much do you want me?” You ask, your lips leaving a trail of kisses from his mouth to his neck, sucking on it till you leave a little bruise and lick it. “So fucking much Sunny. You have no idea.” He moans out, the hand under your dress finds your clit, rubbing small tight circles. It’s not long before you are ripping his jeans off him, he lifts his hips allowing you to pull them down, the boxers he wears go along with them.

“Why don’t you be a good girl and ride me. Huh baby? Show me who makes you feel good.” Oh god, if he kept talking like that you could probably cum just from his voice. The raspy low voice was like music to your ears, you could listen to it for hours on end. Your soft hand wraps around him, giving a little tug, lifting you up and lining him up to your entrance. Rafe closes his eyes ready to feel your tight walls squeeze him to an inch of death but nothing happens.

He peeps an eye to look at you and you're just there looking down at him with a light smile. “Come o-oh fuck.” His sentence interrupted by you sinking down on him, you moan at the stretch. When you bottom out he grips your hips keeping you in place, giving you time to adjust to his size. Considering he did prep you with his fingers, he doesn’t want to hurt you. Your soft whimpers fill the car as you move slightly, the motion causing him to brush against your g-spot and you clit against the patch of his hair.

“You feel so good baby. So fucking big.” You whine into his ear, burying your head in his neck, the feeling of him too much. The words rush straight to his dick making it twitch, his hips rutting,arms going around your body to hold you. You moan at the feeling, your hips start to move on their own accord, grinding until you gain the confidence to raise your hips.

You lean back making eye contact as you raise your hips before slamming them back down on him. His eyes roll to the back of his head, his mouth dropping into an “O” shape. You keep bouncing, your nails scratching his chest to ground you to something. In this position he feels deeper, it’s a little bit painful but it felt like heaven. Rafe’s hands dig into your hips helping to lift you up and bring you down.

The two of you stay like that, you bouncing on him, his dick rubbing your g-spot in the greatest way. One of the hands on your hips slowly travels to your clit adding to the stimulation you were already feeling. “Oh fuck baby. So perfect, my perfect little girl.” You just moan at him, leaning back between the front seats. Your hands find the middle counsel to keep you upright, giving you extra leverage to keep bouncing.

His other hand glides up your stomach, giving your left tit a squeeze before pinching your nipple. “That feel good?” He comments after hearing your moan increase in pitch. “Yes.” you breath out, you're so close to cumming, tingles spreading from you abdomen throughout your body. Rafe leans closer to you, his mouth wrapping around the nipple he isn’t playing with. The suction of his mouth felt amazing, his teeth grazing your pebbled nipple. The fluttering of your walls alert Rafe that you are about to cum.

“Cum for me Sunny.” Just like that you were cumming, your hand grasping his shoulder due to the intensity. Your nails leave red marks all over his shoulder and collar as you claw at him, getting over stimulated as he keeps you bouncing. He wraps an arm around you to stabilize you out, the orgasim taking the energy out of you. Your limb in his arms, barely noticing him moving you both back so he’s resting on the seat and you're on his chest.

“It’s okay baby, I got you.” Rafe whispers in your ear. He’s thrusting up into you now, chasing his own pleasure. “Harder.” You moan out wanting him to ruin you. He picks up his pace, pulling you down as he thrusts up, filling you up deliciously. You can feel him throbbing, his hips starting to lose their rhythm. You lift your arm resting it on the seat behind his head, your hand scratching the back of his head.

His hand finds you clit again, wanting to feel you cum around his dick one more time. “You got one more in you right? I know you can give me one more.” You nod, your senses coming back to you, your hips meeting his to give him what he wants. It wasn’t long before you were cumming again, shaking in his arms feeling his cum fill you up as your orgasim triggers his. You just rock back and forth trying to get the feeling to last longer. After a few rocks, Rafe stopped you, hissing at the stimulation.

Pulling you off of him, he places you in the seat next to him to get some extra napkins to clean you up. “Why don’t we go get some food and then go home.” He suggested throwing the napkins on the floor of the truck. Home. Hearing him call Tannyhill home as if you belong there, not just as a nanny, but actually belong there makes you happy. It’s probably foolish to get happy or excited knowing this will fade soon. But you can’t help but want that.

You want Tanny to be your home, the thought scares you but it’s the truth. Being there has made you the happiest you’ve been in a really long time. “Yeah. Think we can get burgers? Been craving them for the last week.” He fixes your dress pulling you both out the car and into the front. “We can get whatever you want.”

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“Hey you go in and get our order. I need to run to the store real quick.” Rafe is parked outside the restaurant. You had placed the order on the way over but there was still at least ten minutes before it would be ready. “Yeah I can. Grab me some chocolate.” You tell him as you get out. Walking into the restaurant you can tell how busy they are, the tables are full and there's a line of people waiting for a table. “How can I help you?” The hostess asked. “I have an order.” You tell her your name, waiting to the side as she said it would still be a while.

You pull out your phone and answer some texts from your friends. You notice the message chain with your mom. You wanted to reach out to them, say you are sorry and give them the money, but rafe words creep into your brain. You are finally living your life the way that you want to live it, not how they want you to live. Finally breaking the tension with Rafe seemed to be a blessing in disguise.

The hostess calling your name snaps you out of the thought of your parents. You grab the order walking out the building ready to call Rafe when you see the truck pulling up. The window is rolled down and you can see him leaning on the counsel to look at you standing there. “Got an uber for Sunny, have you seen her? She’s pretty short, beautiful, sassy beyond belief.” You roll our eyes while opening the door and getting in.

You place the food down between your feet and buckle up. “Haha, so funny. Everyone looks short when they are standing next to you, giraffe.” The name made him chuckle, his hand pushing your hair back and playing with the strands. “As long as you like giraffe’s I’m okay with being yours.” You stare at him, bewildered at what he just said.

He’s okay with being yours? After the past few days your feelings have been confusing. You have always found him attractive but didn’t want to risk your job or Wheezie. It’s been harder to not let those feelings come out when you are around him. You grab his hand and bring it to your lips, giving it a light kiss. You intertwine your hands and bring them to your lap, brushing your thumb along his hands. “I love them.” You smile.

The words have a deeper meaning than what you both want to admit. Your smiling contagious as one starts to form on his face. “Good.” His eyes are intense, willing you to confess something more, just a little more to give him the courage to do the same. No words are said, Rafe diverts his eyes from you, swallowing the lump in his throat. The words that threatened to spill, dying and being locked away once again.

He doesn’t know when the crushing weight in his chest began to form. The uncomfortable feeling in his throat caused him to clear it. Rafe shouldn’t think too much about it, he knows this is just for fun. But when he looks at you he knows that he’s lying to himself, he doesn’t even want to think about stopping what you have. It doesn’t matter what he wants, he will never be good enough for you, he’ll just have to settle for what you will give him. “Let’s get home. We can eat and watch that movie you were talking about the other week.”

He remembered the movie, you thought. He also has been wearing the birthday cologne you got him. He couldn’t be more perfect, you wish these were different circumstances. That you weren’t just some girl that worked for his family and he was just the son of your boss. You wish that at this moment you were more, someone who was worth more, someone who could actually be his. Maybe for just a moment you can actually believe that you deserve him. “Yeah that sounds good. Let’s go home.”

#rafe x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #rafe smut #rafe obx #outer banks smut #drew starkey smut #rafe cameron fanfiction

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alcoholfreenayeon · 1 year ago

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Hi can I request a yuqi from gidle x male reader smut where they’ve been dating for a while and after a concert reader takes her out to eat then when they get back home they have fluffy sex then take a shower together then when he wakes up the next morning she’s cooking breakfast in his shirt

A/N: This is it, my first male!reader fic. I hope you like it, I know it took me a while but it was mostly due to my exams😭.

Light My Fire

CW: m!reader x Yuqi, slight smut, some fluff, nsfw

You watched in awe as your girlfriend put on a performance of a lifetime, singing and dancing like there’s no tomorrow. That’s how she always performed but you always felt just as awestruck as the first time you watched her perform. You whooped and applauded with the crowd and a few songs later, the show was done. It was quite short by a Kpop concert standard but you preferred it this way. So you could spend some time after the show with her as well since she wouldn’t be too tired.

You had a nice dinner reservation and wanted to treat her. Usually, Yuqi liked to treat you and besides its not exactly easy to make a dinner date a big surprise or special when your partner is a superstar but you try your best and being the sweet girl she is, she always seems over the moon even over the smallest of things you do for her.

Nevertheless, you meet her backstage where she is already ready to go and greets you with a hug.

“Did you like the-”, she begins but you’ve memorized her questions through previous experiences.

“Yes it was amazing. Yes you looked really pretty and hot. No, I didn’t look at any other girls. And yes I have something planned for us.”, you interrupt her with small smilie, answering all the questions she was going to ask before she even had a chance to ask them.

She looked at you blankly for a few seconds before pouting but ended up almost immediately laughing and giving you a gentle push, “so annoying”.

You chuckled, “Come on let’s go, we don’t wanna be late.”

It didn’t take too long to reach the restaurant, about 20 minutes, you both were discussing the concert and seeing some of the clips people had posted online. Dinner wasn’t too fancy but you both liked it regardless and soon after you reached home.

The two of you on the couch, Yuqi resting her head on your shoulder, she traced imaginary lines on your chest and you both cuddled for a while in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Then out of nowhere, she kissed you once. And then again. Pulling back after a few seconds and staring at you longingly. You felt your heartbeat quicken and leaned in slowly and she did the same.

As you both leaned in and began to kiss, it quickly turned into a full on make out session and pretty soon Yuqi was tugging on your clothes trying to take them off. You did the same and pretty soon, well not exactly soon. It took a few minutes for you both to be exposed because neither of you were willing to stop kissing to undress. Only after excessive tugging at each others clothes did you two eventually give in for a few moments.

Soon after, you found yourself on your back with Yuqi on top of you, her hands on your chest, breathing heavily, riding you slowly. You placed your hands at her hips and watched as she gracefully began to ride you.

This continued for a few minutes before Yuqi removed your hands from her hips and instead pinned them to either side of your head and leaned in kissing you hungrily while also grinding sensually.

The two of you just couldn’t get enough of each other, staring at each other with love, lust, longing and kissing every few moments. A few minutes later, you both felt your releases approaching rapidly.

“Yuqi….”, you say sighing, letting her know your close.

She said nothing and grabbing your face with both hands and kissing you passionately while you wrapped your hands around her back as she began to grind faster. You couldn’t help yourself either, your hips buckling as you began to thrust upwards as well, trying to be in rhythm with her movements.

Soon after, you felt the pressure build up and eventually got your release, sighing hard into a kiss while Yuqi squeezed your face tightly, shuddering slightly while she got hers.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments while your highs slowly faded. Taking a deep breath, Yuqi shifted and moved to the side, resting her head on your chest, an arm wrapped around you.

You take a deep breath and sigh, trying to relax when suddenly Yuqi grabs your hand and tries drag you up.

“Give me a minute”, you try to protest feeling comfortable and sleepy.

“Ah hah!”, she frowns, “No, you’ll sleep. Come with me!”.

“I just did”, you say cheekily, your eyes closed.

“Fine, do as you like, I’m going to shower so your loss”, she replies back triumphantly, knowing you’ll give in.

You kiss your teeth and groan loudly while stretching knowing you can’t miss this chance and get up in one swift move, following Yuqi with your hands on her shoulders,leaning your head at the back of hers.

As you both enter the shower, the next dilemma starts, you like cold showers but didn’t want one right now because of how sleepy you were feeling while Yuqi likes hot showers but wanted to take a cold one because she wanted you to stay awake so you both could cuddle.

Both of you understood each other’s intentions almost immediately and reached for the shower valve together.

“It’s okay, I got it Yuqi”, you say unconvincingly with a smile.

“What are you talking about?”, Yuqi says mischievously.

Neither of you budges, and you both just smile at each other until you decide to take a risk. You let go of the valve and without warning begin to tickle Yuqi who couldn’t react quick enough and moved back helplessly reflexively.

“Hey! Stop! This isn’t fair!”, she squealed, laughing uncontrollably.

It was too late though, you were now in front of her, blocking her access to the valve, smiling victoriously at her while she pouted.

You set the temperature as lukewarm hoping it’s a good enough compromise and you both begin showering, washing each other. Once your done showering, you dry yourself off and go to bed while Yuqi dries herself off and does her self care routine before she comes to bed. You try to wait for her but end up dozing off before she comes.

You wake up hours later to find Yuqi is still missing. You turn towards her side of the bed and find it a bit warm so she only woke up recently you assume. You stretch and get up, brushing and going to the kitchen.

You find her in one of your shirts, obviously it was too big for her and she really looked unbelievably cute in it. She was making some eggs as you walked in behind her, hugging her and kissing her cheek for a moment before pulling back.

She leaned in happily before continuing cooking and finishing the eggs while you began to toast the bread. In a couple of minutes you both were at the table having breakfast in silence, giving each other knowing looks and smiling happily, your hand on hers.

#kpop girls #ask me anything #answered asks #gidle kpop #gidle x reader #gidle smut #gidle yuqi #gidle #kpop headcanons #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #reader x idol #gidle fluff #yuqi x reader #yuqi smut #yuqi fluff #song yuqi

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babyarmywrites · 6 months ago

Text

mastermind - kth

idol!kim taehyung x fem. reader

Summary: After seeing you for the first time, there is nothing that could stop Taehyung from making you his. Nothing.

Word count: 7,4k

Warnings: swearing, I may have gotten some things wrong, cause I don't know everything about BTS yet, so please don't hate me for that. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for that as well.

Genre: slight angst, but mostly fluff

Song in title: mastermind - taylor swift

All your adult life you experienced how some people had more luck than others. For some, everything fell into place, they were at the right place at the right time, maybe they won some kind of lottery with the gods above or they were simply blessed from birth with an easy being. You had no idea what kind of amazing deed you had done in your previous life to be blessed with the angel boy you could call your boyfriend, Kim Taehyung, but you were not complaining.

You didn’t quite understand how or why you ended up in a posh club in the heart of Seoul, full of celebrities and rich people. Probably because of Nari's, your best friend's, influence from her Marketing Manager position at HYBE, but there you were. An outcast for sure, but a radiant presence that caught the eye of the one and only V from BTS. You were sitting at the bar accompanied by a whiskey sour that you had been sipping on for the last 40 minutes, the ice completely melted, watering down your overpriced drink. It was clear as a day, even for a stranger, that this was not your usual scenery. Your shoulders were tense, eyes scanning your surroundings, your face scrunching up in disgust every time some drunken idiot bumped into you while trying to approach the bar. You felt someone's presence on your right side and glanced at the person standing close to you, waiting for the bartender to notice him. The place was so crowded it was difficult not to invade someone's personal space, but the handsome stranger was visibly trying to be respectful, which you were thankful for. As soon as your eyes landed on him you noticed how his pretty orbs were already on you and you quickly turned away, but slow enough to catch his lips curling into a kind-hearted, polite smile. Your cheeks reddened upon being caught and you couldn't resist looking back at him again. He was staring at his shoes, his smile still present, his eyes now hidden by the perfectly styled bangs framing his handsome face. He glanced back up, raising an eyebrow playfully and you couldn't help the intensifying blush adorning your cheeks. He chuckled slightly and you thought it was the most beautiful sound you've ever heard, despite it being obstructed by the loud music playing in the posh club.

"This is not your usual scenery, huh?" he asked, clearly enjoying the situation at hand.

"No, not really," you answered shyly, slightly embarrassed by how evidently out of place you were.

"So what brings you here?"

"Best friend obligations. What about you?"

"Contractual obligations," he responded curtly and you couldn't help the laughter erupting from your lips.

Inexplicably, Taehyung felt proud that he managed to make you laugh. He could see clearly how your shoulders relaxed and your body language shifted. He spotted you sitting alone at the bar approximately 30 minutes ago and he instantly thought that you were the most gorgeous human being he ever laid his eyes on. For the last couple of years, he did his best to get out of events like this, but his management forced him to show up and contrary to Jungkook and Jimin, he was having a terrible night. He couldn't just let loose in a crowded club like this without the papers being filled with his drunken shenanigans the next day. He opted for a calmer approach, sitting in their VIP booth, scrolling on his phone. After he deemed the content on the device boring, he pocketed it carefully and started looking around in hopes of finding his bandmates. However, his eyes landed on you and for some inexplicable reason, he felt drawn towards you. It could have been the fact that seemingly you were in a very similar predicament as him or simply that as an art enthusiast he was drawn to pretty things. He wasn't looking for any logic in his instant infatuation with you, he deemed that trusting his instinct was the right thing to do. So he downed his drink and walked to the bar with the intention of getting a refill. And maybe talk to you.

"I'm Taehyung." he put out his hand for you to shake, his smile never faltering. You put your significantly smaller hand in his, giving him your name. You were slightly flustered, considering you knew who he was. Everyone in Korea knew. However, you were not necessarily a BTS fan, so you kept your composure.

"Want to get out of here?" he asked curtly and your jaw dropped to the floor. His question could have been easily misunderstood. Did he think simply telling you his name would get him into your pants? Before you could get furious by the insane assumption that it would be so easy to swoon you into his bed, he realized his mistake. "Oh my, that sounded awful. I just meant that we both clearly feel uncomfortable here and I would like to go somewhere more quiet so that we could get to know each other better. Like the Ttokpokki place next door. My treat, of course."

"Why would you want to get to know me?" he couldn't stop thinking about how adorable you were. So humble, so innocent, so genuine...

"It's not every day a commoner like me gets to meet an angel like you."

You laughed at his corny pick-up line, which again, left the boy grinning in satisfaction. How could you say no to that?

That night, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned. That's how you met Kim Taehyung.

As a hopeless romantic, you believe in love at first sight. However, it's not Taehyungs striking good looks that make you fall for him, but his actions. He is polite with the staff at the hole-in-the-wall Ttokpokki place, he is elegant, he pulls out the seat for you, and pays for your food and drinks without hesitation. He asks you questions about yourself and listens to your answers with undeniable interest. Despite meeting him not even an hour before, he seems so infatuated with every word you speak that he makes you feel like you are the center of his universe. Similarly, you try to get to know him better as well and you learn a lot of interesting facts about him, like how he studied interior design, which he is very passionate about, he tells you anecdotes about his dog, Yeontan, he even shows you pictures of the puppy, like a proud father. He thinks your reactions to Tannie are adorable, an image in his mind appears of you coddling the little dog with so much love and gentleness. He is convinced the temperamental puppy will adore you, despite him not liking many people.

Your little talk is annoyingly interrupted by a call from your best friend and it is difficult to understand her words from how slurred they are, but you manage to interpret the drunken mess as her wanting to go home. You apologize profoundly and Taehyung notices how you seem irritated from your conversation being cut short. And you think this is it. A fun chat that is going to end with you going home and never seeing the charming man ever again. However, you fail to consider the fact that Kim Taehyung is also a hopeless romantic and he refuses to let you go without asking for your number. He firmly believes that people get one chance in life to meet their person and he is convinced that you are someone meant to be in his life by a higher power, one that he cannot explain nor understand. He is not going to mess up this chance presented to him so he gives you his phone. You gladly give him your number and the two of you part ways, both of you smiling like idiots. You turn around to get one last glance at the handsome man who swooned you with his charm and your smile widens when you notice him doing the same thing. A bubbly laugh leaves his pretty lips and he shakes his head in disbelief. You observe his frame as he gets smaller and smaller with the increasing distance between you. You can still see him when the phone in your pocket buzzes and you smile at the new number and message on your screen. You save his number in your contact list, not knowing, that you will know it by heart in a few months.

Taehyung lmk when you get home, pretty girl. take care! :]

His texts don't stop from that point. Despite being insanely busy and rarely having time to respond, he makes an effort to make you feel like you're in his thoughts 24/7. He sends you pictures throughout the day, about Tannie, selfies from his studio, photoshoots, dance practices with the group, anything really. Your heartbeat nearly triples when he sends you a picture of a plushie, claiming how its cuteness reminded him of you. Despite talking to him constantly through texts, you don't get to see him in person for two weeks and your second meeting is just as accidental as the first. Nari invites you to the HYBE building for lunch, because she still feels bad for ruining your night with Tae. You accept, not knowing that he happens to be in the building that day.

As you munch on your kimbap in the HYBE cafeteria you hear a small dog yapping in a high pitch and you look under the table finding a nicely groomed pomeranian with black fur looking at you with curious eyes. You coo at the puppy, letting it sniff your hand before petting it gently. Taehyung observes you from a distance, his boxy smile adorning his face. Tannie jumps on your leg, signaling how he wants to be picked up and you do, which prompts Tae to move towards you.

"Where's your owner, cutie-pie?" he hears you asking the dog as you run your hands soothingly through the soft fur on his back. Yeontan, like he understands what you are saying, starts barking in Taehyung's general direction and you follow his line of sight, spotting the idol. You smile at him shocked, but it is evident from the glint in your eyes that you are glad to see him. You should have put the two and two together: the little dog sitting on your lap looked eerily similar to Taehyung's and there was a chance of him being at HYBE, considering that his studio was in the building.

"I see you met Tannie." he greets you with a wink and nods towards your friend, who bows slightly. He is basically her boss after all.

"He is cuter in person." you smile and you hug the puppy closer to your chest and he starts licking your face lovingly, which causes you to giggle. Taehyung is glad he was right. Yeontan loves you and he takes that as a sign from the universe that the two of you are truly meant to be.

"I could say that about you too, pretty girl." your face reddens at the compliment and you find it unfair how smooth he is with it.

"Do you want to sit down, Taehyung-nim?" Nari asks him, offering him her seat.

"It's alright, I don't want to interrupt for long." he gestures for her to stay seated "I just came here to retrieve Tannie and ask a pretty girl out on a date tomorrow night."

Your eyes widen at his boldness, and you nearly spit out the sip of water that you took. Taehyung seems to be amused by the situation at hand, but you fail to notice how his foot clad in comfortable sneakers taps the floor, a nervous tick of his. On the inside, he is a mess, the fear of rejection plaguing his beautiful mind. You look around the cafeteria as if you're trying to find the pretty girl he is talking about. You finally point at yourself, your eyes never leaving his and he nods with a small laugh.

"What time should I be ready?"

"I'll pick you up at seven if that's alright."

"Perfect!"

"Would it be alright if we had our date at my place? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I can't really risk being seen out and about with a gorgeous woman," he explains, his features contorting, making it evident, that he is displeased with the unfortunate attention he gets for being an idol. If it was any other man you would be hesitant to have your first date at their place, but this is Taehyung. He is so polite and respectful, you believe that he couldn't hurt a fly, not willingly at least. So you agree and you make sure to assure him, that it's alright and that you understand.

The next day you're pacing around your apartment nervously, you're wearing jeans and a cute top, making you look put together, but still comfortable, a perfect outfit to lounge at someone's place. You're waiting for Taehyung to pick you up and you get a text from him five minutes before seven saying that he's arrived. You appreciate his punctuality and let him know you'll be out in a second. As soon as you leave your building you spot the fancy car with all the windows tinted, but the driver flashes the headlights, letting you know that it is indeed the person you were expecting. You step towards the passenger side and the door opens automatically and your eyes meet Taehyung's, who's smiling widely.

"Good to see you, pretty girl!" he greets you as soon as you step into the vehicle and the door shuts on its own when you get situated. Truly luxurious, you make a mental note.

"Good to see you too, Taehyung!"

"How are you on this fine evening?" he asks as he starts the car and drives away. You've been texting all day, he told you he had a looser schedule for once, only having to spend a few hours at the studio. He seems well-rested, his warm eyes focused on the road ahead. You notice the light music playing in the background, some soothing jazz coming from the speakers of the fancy vehicle. You appreciate how despite the car's probable insane performance, Taehyung never goes beyond the speed limit, unlike other men his age driving similar automobiles.

"I'm good, thank you for asking. Kinda nervous, not gonna lie, this insanely handsome guy is taking me on a date, you know?" you flirt, making Tae smile even wider.

"He must be a lucky bastard to be able to take a gorgeous woman like you out."

"Stop it!" you exclaim, burying your face into your hands as your cheeks heat up. Taehyung chuckles and glances at you while stuck at a stop light. He takes in your outfit and notes in his head how effortlessly elegant you look. Your eyes sparkled with excitement that was evidentiated by the night lights of Seoul, the pretty sparkles of the scenery around you reflecting in your irises. The boy couldn't keep his eyes off you, his train of thought interrupted solely by the irritated honking coming from the cars behind him as the lights turned green. You giggle at him, knowing exactly what caused him to stutter in his driving like that. He is glad that the interior of the car is dark, otherwise you may be able to see the rosiness of his cheek. Which you do notice, but you decide not to comment on it this time around.

The two of you soon arrive at his apartment building and you're not surprised to see the security guards, the tall gate, and the double checkpoint to the garage and the entrance. After parking his car, Taehyung is quick to get out of the vehicle and sprints to the other side, opening the door for you. A shy smile appears on your face, you knew he was a gentleman, however, you still get a bit flustered by the gesture. None of the people whom you've dated before did anything like this for you. He guides you to the elevator and you cannot help but think about how many women he did the same thing with before you. However, you quickly leave that thought behind as he smiles widely at you, his eyes glimmering like a sky full of stars. You take the opportunity to take his appearance in a little bit better. He is wearing black slacks, with chunky Prada loafers and a black Celine shirt, a black belt accentuating that slutty ass waist of his. God clearly has favorites and Kim Taehyung is among the top, you are sure of that.

You observe as he inputs the code for the elevator, which leads to the top floor of his penthouse. He gestures for you to leave the elevator before him, like the gentleman he is. Then he opens the door for you and you step into the dimly lit apartment. He takes your coat and gets you a pair of guest slippers.

"Welcome to my humble abode." he jokes, knowing that nothing is humble about his home. You chuckle, but take in your surroundings. The main source of light is his sunset lamp, which gives a warm hue to the place. Then you notice the tens of candles placed strategically around the open-concept living room and kitchen.

"They're battery-powered. I wouldn't leave the house with a thousand candles lit and a curious doggo who doesn't know better." he explains "Speaking of..."

You hear the pitter-patter of tiny paws on the floor and you soon spot the puppy in question. Yeontan sprints to Taehyung at first, clearly pleased that his owner is finally home again. Then he looks at you, barking two times before he approaches you. You lean down to pet his little head and Tannie licks your hand lovingly. Taehyung gestures toward the dining area, where the table is made for two people, two wine glasses in sight. It's at that moment that you take note of the amazing smell coming from the kitchen and you ask the boy curiously what the menu is. He explains how he made your favorite food and you're amazed because you don't remember ever mentioning it to him. He just smiles, saying that he had a lucky guess. He then proceeds to the wine fridge, taking out a bottle of 2012 Bordeaux natural orange wine and he goes into detail about how amazing it is. He pours you a glass first and one for him, then he gestures for you to click your glasses together. He then serves dinner and you are amazed by the first bite. Kim Taehyung is a man of many talents, cooking apparently one of them.

The dinner goes smoothly, the wine helps ease your nerves and the conversation between the two of you flows naturally. You talk about art, your travels, your job, and your studies, he's mesmerized by how many books you've read and the languages that you speak. He swears his fondness towards you only grows with every word that leaves your pretty lips and he can't stop thinking about how he wants to kiss you. So he asks for permission, again, like a gentleman, and you grant it for him. His lips connect with yours and a spark emerges as you share the softest kiss you've ever had with the boy who swept you off your feet in barely two weeks of knowing him. At that moment, the dominoes cascaded in a line. Everything suddenly made sense. Your past heartbreaks and hardships lead to that moment. Both of you knew that it was meant to be.

You then move to the couch, continuing your conversation, his arms are draped over the back of the comfy sofa lingering around your shoulders. Yeontan jumps up to your knees, gesturing that he wants to join the two of you and you oblige, lifting the puppy and placing him on the couch. He instantly sits down on your lap and makes himself comfortable.

"Unbelievable! You barely spent a few hours with Tan and he already prefers you over me." Taehyung puffs, but you can hear the amusement in his tone.

"He must think I'm cool because I've only been here for..." you look at the time on the screen of your phone "Jeez, it's been 7 hours already?!" you exclaim as you notice that it's well past 2 AM.

"Time flies when you're having fun," Tae notes cheekyly.

"I have to go home, I have work tomorrow morning."

Taehyung is clearly displeased by that. He could spend the whole night talking to you, but he understands. He gets up from the couch and leaves the room to make a phone call. You are hesitant to move considering that Yeontan is now asleep on your lap, but you stroke him awake. Upon realizing that his owner left, he jumped off the couch running around the apartment, looking for his dad. Tae emerges with the puppy following behind him.

"I called a driver for you, he's waiting downstairs. I can't really drive after half a bottle of wine, but I will accompany you," he explains, walking towards the entryway. You follow behind him and he helps you put on your jacket. "Oh, I nearly forgot."

He rushes back into his apartment and you wait for him patiently to reappear with a huge bouquet of camellias and pink peonies. You have no idea whether he knows the meaning behind those particular blossoms, but it makes your heartbeat race. You accept the concoction of flowers with a wide smile.

"Thank you, Tae! These are very pretty."

"I'm glad you like them. What kind of a man would I be if I didn't bring flowers to my last first date?"

You're left speechless by his remark. It's not that you don't understand what he's hinting at, but it is a truly bold statement to make after a first date. He doesn't expect an answer, but he believes it's true. You'll understand one day. He's a firm believer that strategy sets the scene for the tale. He is willing to do everything in his power to write the perfect love story. You just have to get on board.

He steps into his shoes silently, not putting them on properly. As you walk down the corridor, he puts his arm around your waist, pulling you in closer. You blush from the close proximity, but you welcome his touch nonetheless. He doesn't distance himself from you in the elevator either. Once you get to the car, he opens the door for you and then moves to sit on the other side of the backseat, close to you. His hand takes yours into his as he gently strokes it with his thumb. You swear your heart beats out of its rhythm from the soothing feeling and Tahyung sends a tired smile your way as you approach your home. Upon your arrival, he insists that he walk you up to your apartment, which you try to talk him out of, but he's inconvincible.

"Thank you for tonight, I had a lot of fun!" you say as you reach the door of your apartment, turning towards Taehyung.

"When can I see you again?" he asks eagerly and you smile like a schoolgirl at the thought of sharing another evening like this with him.

"Whenever you're free, Mr. International Popstar." you joke and he scoffs.

"Luch tomorrow then?"

"You got yourself a date, sir!" Taehyung dramatically punches the air in victory, making you laugh at his silliness. "Text me when you get back home, alright?"

He nods and steps closer to you, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. His lips linger for a second, but then he looks at you and notices a frown on your face.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his eyes running all over your face, trying to find the source of your displeasure.

"I just thought I would get a proper good-night kiss, you know?"

Taehyung laughs, but he doesn't hesitate to kiss you on the lips, the same way he did in the dining room of his home. This kiss is a bit rushed, maybe more eager and passionate, but it seals the deal. The perfect ending for the perfect night, you both think.

You're already in bed when your phone buzzes and you smile at the text on the screen, sleep finding you in peace knowing that he got home safely.

Taehyung: just got home. Tannie (read: me) misses you already. Goodnight, pretty girl.

The following weeks go by pretty much the same way. You keep texting Tae, and the two of you meet up whenever he has some free time. He shows up at your workplace to have lunch with you, always bringing some snacks for you to munch on in the late hours of your shift. He always greets you with a peck on your lips, the first few times he asks for permission, which you grant him eagerly, but after a while the whole thing comes naturally. You don't mind it at all, you quite enjoy locking lips with him.

Today, however, he seems off. He's nervous, fidgeting with his hands, picking at the skin around his nails. You frown a little bit, over time you come to know all his nervous habits, so you take matters into your own hands by intertwining your fingers with his, which visibly calms him down. Until that point, he kept avoiding looking into your eyes, his gaze locked on the nose of his shoes, but as soon as your thumb starts rubbing soothing circles on his knuckles he turns towards you.

"What's wrong, Tae?" your voice is a near whisper as you try to avoid startling him further. You don't want to sound accusatory, you just want to figure out why he's acting so different around you suddenly.

"My bandmates keep asking me why I don't eat lunch with them anymore. Jungkook keeps teasing me about having a girlfriend so..." he takes a deep breath and starts looking for something in the backseat of his car "... I know this is a sloppy way to do this, but I really want to be able to tell my bandmates that I do indeed have a girlfriend." he finally finds the thing he was looking for - a plushie that eerily resembles Yeontan, wearing a tiny T-shirt with the word 'jagiya?' and a sticker-like cutout of Taehyung's pouty face printed on it. You can't help but laugh at the design that resembles something you put together in Comp-Sci class in middle school using Paint, the execution is horrendous at best. Tae is glad you're amused, that was his intention with the ridiculous choice of styling the plushie. However, he's also nervous, biting the inside of his cheek, waiting for your answer. You just lean in, kissing his lips passionately, which is enough for him to relax.

"I will take that as a yes," he whispers, his forehead resting against yours, a profound smile on his face.

"Well, of course, it is a yes! I've never heard of anyone asking someone out with a ridiculous plushie like that." you joke, taking the soft toy from him, and hugging it close to your chest. For some reason, it smells like Taehyung, which makes you love it even more.

"Do you want to hear something more ridiculous?" he asks playfully and you nod. He starts unbuttoning the Hawaiian print shirt he's wearing and your eyes widen.

"Woah, Tae, I know I'm your girlfriend now, but we shouldn't rush into things like this." you joke, but the boy just blushes.

"No no no!" he exclaims, trying to stop you from drawing the wrong conclusion "I just wanted to show you, I'm wearing the same shirt!"

He opens up the flannel, revealing the white tee underneath, a life-size version of the one the plushie is wearing. You can't help the laugh shaking your body, the print looks even more comical in a bigger size.

"You're something else, Kim Taehyung." you shake your head as you smile widely. He's so effortlessly corny and romantic it makes you swoon for him.

"Wow, the full government name, huh? Aren't you supposed to call me baby now or something?" he teases.

"You would enjoy that, wouldn't you?"

He nods eagerly, leaning in for another kiss. Your lips meet again, and your stomach fills with butterflies, knowing that you're going to be the only one he kisses for a while. Or at least you hope it's going to be for a while. The wholesome moment is interrupted however by a ringing sound coming from the car and you can see Namjoon's name across the dashboard as Taehyung's phone is connected to the vehicle.

"Duty calls," he states, you can see the disappointment in his eyes. You both knew your meetup would be cut short anyway, considering you only had 45 minutes for lunch, but that doesn't make it any less annoying.

You quickly peck his lips, already getting out of the car.

"See you later, babe!" you exclaim and you're sprinting towards the building of your office, knowing that otherwise you're gonna be late for a meeting. Taehyung's stomach does somersaults upon hearing you use such a word of endearment for him and he swears he doesn't want to hear that from anyone else ever again. As soon as he gets back to the dance studio he's teased to no avail by his bandmates. He forgot to change his shirt back, so he has to go through the remaining hours of practice wearing that ridiculous tee of his. However, he wears it with pride, knowing it had the effect he expected from it. You're his girlfriend now. That's all he has been wishing for ever since he met you.

Tae 🧸: just finished with our practice jagi 🩵: oh no babe, it's 2 am. you must be tired. Tae 🧸: exhausted Tae 🧸: can you please come over? I miss you. I will send a car for you. jagi 🩵: Tae, you should sleep and I don't know how much of that you're gonna get if I come over, sweetheart Tae 🧸: I promise we're gonna go straight to bed. I just want you here, jagi. I have a big day tomorrow and I could use some cuddles to help with my nerves. jagi 🩵: okay

Taehyung and the boys have been practicing non-stop for a big concert in Seoul. Above that, he's been busy with photoshoots, long studio sessions as they started working on their new album which gave you little to no time to see each other. He tried calling and video chatting with you every night when he got home, but tonight he didn't think that would be enough. He needed to hug you, inhale the sweet scent of your perfume and body wash, he needed to kiss you, feel you. He didn't care how overworked and downright drained he was, he couldn't spend another day without seeing you in person.

He was scrolling through his calendar, which was packed, his eyes heavy from exhaustion, trying hard not to fall asleep before you could get there. Soon, he heard the chime of his intercom, the receptionist of his building warning him about your arrival. Yeontan's ears perked like he understood what the announcement was about and the little puppy rushed to the door, looking up at the knob, waiting for it to turn. He soon started barking and Taehyung knew that meant you arrived. After three months of dating the boy gave you a key to his home so that you could keep Yeontan company on the days he was working late and the puppy was left alone for hours. You opened the door silently, not knowing if Tae was asleep already or not. In case he was, you didn't want to wake him up by being obnoxiously loud. Yeontan, however, was excited to see you, barking away at you, demanding you give him the attention he wanted.

"Tannie baby, you have to be quiet, ok? We don't want to disturb your dad, do we?" you whispered with a disciplinary tone. Taehyung smiled, slowly approaching you, to give you the biggest kiss possible. You heard the sound of feet dragging on the floor and you looked up to your very tired-looking boyfriend.

"Woah! Your hair looks really nice, babe," you exclaimed and Tae involuntarily ran his fingers to the permed mess on his head. Lately, he's been rocking his natural hair, which was dead straight, but they had it permed today, giving him nice waves that made him look ten times more attractive.

"Thank you, jagi," he says, his voice a sleepy grumble. His large hands snaked around your waist, pulling you closer into a tight hug as he buried his face in your hair, inhaling the familiar scent of your shampoo. Your hands instantly found their place in his hair, massaging his scalp, the way you knew he enjoyed it. "I missed you," he murmured, his soft lips finding their way to yours, inviting them into a slow, meaningful dance. Before he could deepen it, you pulled away slowly, knowing too well that if it was up to him, you would be engaging in activities other than sleeping, which would leave him even more exhausted than he already was. You took his hand in yours, leading him down the hallway to his bedroom, one you've spent countless nights in ever since you were officially a couple.

The two of you proceeded to go through your nightly routines together, Taehyung nearly falling asleep on his feet while he brushed his teeth.

"Come on, baby boy, you need rest." you urged him out of the bathroom, and that's when you observed the odd way he kept dragging his left foot behind him "Why are you limping?"

"It's nothing, I just put too much pressure on my left knee today and it's a bit swollen. Nothing to worry about tho."

"Tae..." you shook your head, completely dismissing his carelessness. You hated how he didn't take care of himself properly. "Are you going to wear shorts tomorrow during the concert?" you questioned.

"Uh, no. We had our fitting today, I'm gonna wear black slacks," he says, confused by the sudden question about his clothing.

"Wait for me on the bed, okay? I'll be there in a second."

He doesn't have time to respond, you're already out of the room and he hears you opening one of the kitchen drawers. He listens, however, and sits down on his side of the bed, his back against the headboard. He picks Tannie up, and the puppy takes his rightful place on his lap. You emerge a few minutes later with an unfamiliar box in your hands and a pair of scissors. You sit down in front of Taehyung and Yeontan approaches you, smelling the items you're holding in your hands. You silently touch Taehyung's left ankle, straightening out his leg. You inspect his knee carefully, noticing how it is quite swollen, just as he mentioned earlier. You take out a tube of soothing gel from the pocket of your hoodie, which belongs to the boy watching your every move. You put a decent amount of the ointment on your fingers and you slowly massage it into the swollen area. After that, you open the box you were holding earlier, taking out a roll of black Kinesio tape. You measure the tape to his knee, cutting a piece that you deem adequate for him. Then you manage to round the corners and give it the right shape. You then place it around his knee expertly, Tae's eyes never leaving you. He's infatuated by the delicate movement of your fingers, you take care of him so gently that it reminds him of his mother. No one besides her treated him so carefully before and it makes Taehyung realize how irreversibly in love he is with you.

"I didn't know you could use kinesio tape," he mutters lowly, his eyes barely open.

"I had problems with my knee ever since I was in middle school, one of the trainers I had taught me how to do it," you explain as you get up to put away everything you used and climb back into bed to finally go to sleep.

"Thank you, jagi. I don't know what I did to deserve your care and affection."

"I could say the same thing about you too, sweetheart." you say, your voice soft and full of adoration "Another reason why we were meant to be. You bring out the best in me, Tae, and I hope that I can do the same for you."

He nods, his heart panging with guilt. You say things like that a lot. How the two of you were meant to be, brought together by a higher power neither of you could understand. However, Taehyung knows it is not true. It was all his design. Cause he's a mastermind.

He feels the need to confess right then and there. He wants the truth to be out. He can't carry this burden with him anymore. But he's scared of your reaction. That you're gonna leave him for lying to you all this time. So he stays silent and goes to sleep with you in his arms, because that's where you belonged, regardless of how you ended up there.

The next morning, Taehyung wakes up earlier than planned to surprise you with a nice breakfast. He gets out of bed slowly, careful not to wake you up. However, you turn in your sleep, to cuddle his pillow. He recalls all the times he found you in that exact position on his bed as you fell asleep waiting for him to get home on nights you agreed to spend together. He smiles widely, glad he was scheming like a criminal to make you his. You were the wind in his free-flowing sail and the liquor in his cocktails. The first night he saw you he knew he wanted you. Here he was now, making you breakfast as you slept peacefully in his bed. Everything fell into place, just like he wanted it. You were the love he was dreaming about his entire life. The least he could do was cherish you like the queen you were. He's so deep in his thoughts he doesn't hear the shuffle of your sock-clad feet as you approach him, hugging his torso from the back. He jumps slightly, but his shoulders relax instantly as he turns around to kiss you good morning.

"Did you sleep well, pretty girl?" he questions, putting a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You nod with a wide grin on your face, running your hand through his unruly bangs. He buries his forehead in your palm, enjoying the coddling you give him.

"I woke up to an empty bed tho, that was not nice of you, you know?"

"I'm sorry, jagi, I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed," he explains, going back to prepare the exquisite food you were going to share in a few minutes.

"You shouldn't have, Tae-bear. You should have slept a bit more, you'll need all that energy tonight as you play a sold-out show for your ARMY."

"Speaking of, you're coming too, right?"

"Yes, I'll be there."

"I can't wait for you to see it, jagi. And the boys are dying to finally meet you in person." he jabbered excitedly, the joy evident in his tone. He's so cute, you think, everything about him is charming and genuine. In the few months you knew him, you respected how he never changed. Despite his exhaustion, and his hardships he stayed just as enthusiastic and energetic about what he does. He and the boys worked hard to deliver the best show that night. As you observed him as he performed you understood why he was considered the idol of idols. He moved so effortlessly, singing his heart out, and having fun with his brothers. His boxy grin never left his face, he truly was in his element when he performed. You understood everyone's infatuation with him. It was so easy to fall in love with Kim Taehyung, even from a distance. Without knowing who he truly was. You couldn't blame yourself anymore for falling for him.

Meeting his bandmates after the concert leaves you a nervous wreck. However, the six members you haven't met yet greet you like an old friend as you walk backstage with Yeontan in your arms. They all hug you tightly, poking fun at Taehyung for keeping you hidden from them for a couple of months. Tae takes Yeontan from you as he observes how you get along with his brothers. He knew you were going to fit right in, your bubbly personality showing as you laugh at their stories and go along with their craziness. He decides at that moment that he has to come clean. No more secrets, he has to lay everything out for you, so that you can live your life together for a very long time.

"We need to talk," he says as soon as you arrive back at his apartment and your stomach sinks. He seems serious and you can't help but panic, instantly thinking of the worst. He surely was not breaking up with you right after you met his bandmates? Did you say something wrong? Did the whole thing not go as well as you thought it did?

"Are you breaking up with me?" you ask, your voice weak as you try to swallow the lump that you formed in your throat.

"What?!" he panics too "Hell no. But you might after I tell you what I want to," he says shyly.

"Go on." you say as you take a seat on the couch. He follows your lead, sitting close to you, Yeontan sitting in the middle, curiously moving his head between you. Taehyung takes a deep breath, his hands shaking slightly.

"What if I told you none of it was accidental and the first night that I saw you nothing was gonna stop me?" he begins "You and I ended up in the same room at the same time. I saw you meeting with Nari after her shift one night in front of the HYBE building. I felt drawn towards you even after seeing you for a few minutes. The next day I went to her, begging her to let the two of us meet. It was because of me that she dragged you to that party at that club. I knew you were going to be there that night. I searched the whole place for you and walked up to the bar with the sole intention of talking to you. She invited you for lunch the day you met Yeontan, because I asked her to, I wanted to see you so bad and I didn't know how to bring it up. I let Tannie free in the cafeteria so that I could watch him interact with you to make sure that he would like you. I got Nari a picture with all the guys' signatures so she could tell me what your favorite food was for our first date. I searched the internet for the meaning of different kinds and colors of flowers. Jagi, you always talk a great deal about how your and my meeting was destined to happen. That we are meant to be with each other, a higher power leading us to meet. This is the first time I felt the need to confess, everything happened because I was scheming. I laid the groundwork and then just like clockwork the dominoes cascaded in a line, and now you're mine. I was so drawn to you, that I knew I needed to do everything in my power to make you my girlfriend. In the end, it was all worth it because I'm irreversibly in love with you, Y/n."

He couldn't look you in the eyes during his monologue, but as the last sentence leaves his pretty lips, his eyes find yours and he's surprised to see a wide grin on your face. You knew the entire time. You knew he was a mastermind.

"Baby, I knew that the whole time." you laugh and Taehyung seems genuinely confused. "I knew something was fishy when Nari tried to drag me to a HYBE party, one she refused to go to adamantly before. When we were having lunch, I saw you as you let go of Yeontan. I knew you were behind everything, however, that doesn't mean that we're not meant to be with each other, silly. It doesn't mean that we weren't destined to meet by a higher power. I'm in love with you too, Kim Taehyung. Nothing can change that, sweetheart. You're stuck with me."

All you did was smile, because Kim Taehyung is a mastermind. And now you're his.

#kim taehyung #kth imagine #kim taehyung imagine #kim taehyung fluff #bts fanfic #bts imagines #v bts #v fanfic

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aluhnim · 1 year ago

Note

Hello!! When you start a comic, how do you go about deciding your panelling layouts?? If this is too big of an ask for covid brain, how about your favorite song of the moment / a song that really inspires you?? I hope you feel better soon!

I was searching around for an old write up I did for some Original Character Tournament folks who were interested in my thoughts on panels and layouts. To try and answer your question, I go off of vibe now that I’ve made a LOT of comics. However, as much as it doesn’t seem like it at times, I do typically stay as “conventional” as possible to make sure my readers are still following the plot. I make a lot of adjustments along the way. Smarter layouts allow me to draw less, and drawing less is better for me in the long run! It’ll allow me to put more time in other places of the comic.

Anyway, here’s my write up back in the day that’ll hopefully answer some comic drafting questions!

More conventional paneling is a necessary stepping stone because you know your reader won’t get lost and the structure will have you more focused on flow and pacing. It seems remarkably easy to do comics with more “static” or traditional panel layouts but they work for a reason. There’s no real need to break out of something that works, unless you want to! Breaking out of the structure can really add some OOMPH to your important pages.

Some tips, note that these have been my preferences and some definitions don’t quite match their descriptors.

Bleed

I consider open panels or panels that stretch out beyond the edge of the page to be considered bleeds. They’re simple ways to make you feel like your not just sticking within your margins and making your page feel less static without much extra effort. Manga does this quite often, and Western American comics, especially during action packed moments or large splashes.

Some examples of things bleeds can do:

- They can also be used as transitions between pages (first panel bleeding in, last panel bleeding out).

- They can be used to interrupt or add a beat to a moment. Although the example below is mostly bleeds, you can see the one full panel at the bottom stands out because it’s not like the others. A subtle beat.

- They can also just be used to extend a panel to make it bigger. That seems obvious, but larger panels do make people spend a bit more time on them, regardless if there is text or not. Though, “more time” means probably several milliseconds or even a few seconds more than usual.

- Collaging with a bleed is a really great way to think beyond panels and open the space. You will be spending more time thinking of how much you can cram in along with the flow of how your text is going to lead through a series of images.

- Removing panel borders can really open a space and allow for more room without having to go above and beyond the ideas of comics and panels. (sorry, gale galligan is just good)

Gutters

The space between panels is almost just as important as the panel itself. That’s where readers and inferring actions and time. You can only control so much of what the reader is doing between their eye shifting between panels, which is why composition within panels and clarity are so important.

Gutters can also be played with! A simple example is changing your gutters from white to all black. It can be a subtle shift in time, a transition to a new space.

Even the amount of space between panels leaves an idea of time! I think webtoons/manhwa really work well with the gutter space, leaving you to physically scroll and feel the effects of time passing with the amount of empty space you encounter.

It’s important to understand that the gutter has a lot more to do with reader imagination, and your goal is to have them understand that the next panel is somehow plausible.

THIS SCENE EMFIELDS DID IS VERY FUCKING GOOD. TIME, SPACE, GO OOOOOOFFFF KING

Panels themselves can be a part story!

This one is a difficult thing to write for, since I feel like there isn’t many examples out there. There are very structural examples of panels out there, like Watchman. While the 9 panel grid was intentional, it also was likely the only way to deal with Alan Moore’s script effectively without missing details. The panels themselves don’t ENHANCE the story, but a means to an end.

But it’s also an incredibly good example of how conventional comics paneling can still be effective, especially when you start breaking that mold just a little bit.

But then you have comics like M. Dean’s “Baby fat”. Where the comic paneling itself never strays from its original structure, but is indicative of the story itself, representing tiles, mirrors, patterns.

Or Robert Hunter’s “The New Ghost” which he uses circular motifs and has circular panels representing the telescopes sight line.

Predicting Reader Navigation

These are my rules of thumb when doing general sight reading panel by panel.

1. Text is what people gravitate to first. It’s the context needed to approach the next panel.

2. Faces are next, this provides context to what the subject is feeling.

3. Familiar people/animals/objects and SFX.

4. Everything else!

This is an example of sight reading notes I gave to my friend Holocene when we were collaborating.

#long post #asks #blogging

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prime-adeptus · 8 months ago

Text

Vient la douleur

Neuvillette lives in the aftermath.

Pairing: Neuvillette x GN!Reader

Content: Major character death, suicide, implied/referenced self-harm, grief/mourning, past relationship. More narration than dialogue. (~3.2k words)

Note: Just working through some things :') I gave this my all, so please be kind and let me know what you think!!

Read on AO3

There are a lot of things Neuvillette could liken you to.

You were the sun, shining bright on the gloomiest of days with your joyful disposition and beautiful smile. You were his favourite melody, someone he could listen to for hours and hours on end. You were his rainbow roses and windwheel asters, the flowers of love and freedom. You were everything a romantic could ever dream of, even if you never saw it in yourself. You were the missing piece he needed all along.

Most important of all: you are his beloved, the one who held his heart in their hands.

Solitude was far from a stranger. Though Fontaine is hardly a place with a scarce population, he was more used to being by himself. He didn’t join in the hustle and bustle of the city, and he didn’t play house like the children did. Instead, he found a hobby in watching the vibrance of human life alone from the sidelines, learning in trial and error what it meant to live. Emotions didn’t come as easy to him as it would to the average person. He could feel a raging inferno in his chest or a chill trickling down his spine, but he’d never have the words for it. All he could do was watch the skies change with his thoughts in the form of a downpour or a tempest.

But in solitude, he also met you.

You came into his life like a whirlwind, as only the best kind. You met him without fear but with eagerness and excitement that he couldn’t help being mesmerised by. Your smile was the first thing he noticed about you. He remembers how it reached your eyes and how it showed the dimples in your cheeks. He didn’t know it at the time, but those would become one of his favourite sights in his life.

“Monsieur Neuvillette!”

You called him with a sense of familiarity that, oddly, he was comforted by. He understood then what the poets meant when they said it felt like the world had stopped for them. In a matter of a few seconds, he felt like he’d known you for years, just because of how warm you felt. Whether it was by chance or by fate matters little to him; regardless of what it had been, it brought you into his life.

Every love song he’d heard from the opera’s chanteuses began to make sense. ‘Love at first sight’ is truly a curious phenomenon. Exploring the depths that are human emotions then was a journey that led to more questions than answers. How do humans know when they’re in love? How do humans know when they’ve met ‘the one?’ He supposes he’ll never get a solid answer to these questions, but he’ll take one in the form of you. Perhaps he never needed to ask. Perhaps all he had to do was wait for the day your souls intertwined.

One chit-chat led to a conversation, and those conversations led to a routine. He’d see you at the park in the evenings and then walk you home when he felt it was getting late. Some days, he’d sit with you in a gazebo away from the crowd and just watch many lives pass by. Though your conversations mostly consisted of you talking and him listening, he liked it. He liked how expressive you were, how he always wanted to see more. The wonder in your eyes was something he’d grown fond of very quickly, but that wasn’t the only thing about you that he’d fallen in love with.

Just seeing you interact with your surroundings alone made it clear that you loved everything. From the city to its people, from the flora to the fauna, there wasn’t a single thing you weren’t happy to see. You brought colours into his life, showed him the vibrant side of the world he hadn’t seen yet. He was almost envious of how carefree and outgoing you were. A friendly smile, a gentle wave, some small talk about the weather; socialising came naturally to you. It fascinated him and warmth would blossom in his chest every time he saw how animated you could get. But there was no room for envy, nor was there a need to be. You were a breath of fresh air and you felt like home.

You liked to tell him that there’s always something good waiting for him the next day. That daybreak is a sign that you’ve lived for another day even when you don’t feel like you did anything valuable. I just look forward to every day! you had said, giving him a grin that always left him stumbling for words. It didn’t answer his inquiry, but it was enough. It appeared to him that you loved life, and getting to be happy with others is only a part of what makes it so special for you.

He didn’t have much to do outside of the Court. His free time was mostly spent reading or water tasting. Sometimes he’d bring work home just to ensure he recorded everything correctly. It was quite an average routine that changed when he met you. The moment you met, his days became livelier. It must’ve been quite the sight for Fontainians indeed, to see their Chief Justice taking afternoon strolls with a dessert in hand. He didn’t care for the hearsay that inevitably circulated from his new activities. What mattered was that you were becoming an integral part of what used to be mundane and changing it for the better.

It was not often that he had the time for leisure. Still, he found it difficult to deny you anything, and so he’d always find a way to make time for you. That time would be spent in the gardens or restaurants, occasionally in the front seats of the Opera Epiclese if there was a show you wanted to see. When it got dark, it would be spent in the comfort of his home with you on his lap as he read to you. Sometimes you’d fall asleep in his arms and your lips would curl into a small smile when you felt his lips touching the crown of your head. Affection wasn’t something he was used to as it wasn’t exactly a necessity, but he found himself craving yours.

The puzzle pieces fell into place on their own as if there was a telepathic bond between you and him. There was never a label for what you two were. The papers would call you lovers or companions, depending on what they caught on camera. It didn’t matter much to him, either. What he knew was that there was a bond, something that intrinsically linked your hearts to one another, and it made every day feel like summer.

Before long, he realised that you were right. Something good awaits after every daybreak, something that will brighten up his day and light up his heart with joy, and for him, it was you.

—

Time flows like water, unending and always in motion. The world turns and the days go by, turning into months and years that pass in a blink of an eye. Time is a witness to every step one takes and it remembers every story that unfolds. Time is what Neuvillette has plenty of and it is kind to him. He learns and adapts to the world as it changes around him without haste, letting years of knowledge build him into the person he is today.

Time, however, treats people like you differently.

Where he never aged, you did. Where it didn’t wear him out, it did to you. The glimmer in your eyes grew more dull over the years. Your smiles became rarer, and you no longer talked to those you considered your friends. You never told him why you were changing. It was as if your heart had betrayed you, making what used to shine bright grow dimmer and dimmer until it was completely extinguished.

In the face of it all, you still had plenty of love to give. You still held him every night as he sought for solace in your arms. You still listened to his curiosities and indulged in everything he had to ask. At the same time, it felt as though you were too far for him to reach you. As though you were fading deeper into the darkness until the only echoes he could hear were his own. His heart ached to see you this way, and for someone as meticulous as he is, he was at a total loss.

Even then, he refused to leave you. He will always love you no matter what you become. He’d love you in every way and he’d love you through thick and thin, through the calm and the tumultuous.

Six hundred and ten days have passed, and it continues to hold.

You left with everything he was and behind a letter in your wake. In it was an apology that etched its words into his bloodstream and a memory that appears every time you cross his mind. In it also came a promise that you’d find him in your next life no matter how long it takes, for your soul has found a home in him. And finally, in it was a wish: that you wanted him to live without regret, just like how you never regretted your time with him.

‘You can find happiness again without me,’ you wrote. Your tears stained the paper where ink seeped and blurred some of the words. His heart aches to think of the guilt you carried with you even after death. Of how afraid you must’ve felt as the poison flowed into your system, and how alone you must’ve been.

The sight is still engraved into his very vision: your limp, lifeless body with both old and fresh scars across your skin, the vial of poison on the floor and the sealed letter in your hand. Composure was second nature to Neuvillette, but none of it was to be seen when he found you. His hands were shaking as he took you into his arms and held you close. His heart felt heavy as if it was coming to a stop. Emotions brewed within him like a storm, volatile and disorderly, but not a word left his lips.

By the time Sigewinne arrived, reality had sunk in, and every prayer he had shattered like glass. The rainstorm lasted for weeks after that. Only by the fourth did the rain finally stop and even then, the skies seemed to be in a permanent state of gloom with the clouds shrouding the sun and stars. Fontaine eventually got back its clarity much later, and people seemed to already move on from the strange natural phenomenon that had occurred.

Six hundred and ten days have passed, and he still misses you as much as he did that spring.

Life without you felt more like dusk than daybreak. The splash of colour had melted away and days felt longer without someone waiting for his return. His home is eerily quieter and more hollow. Your favourite trinkets were never moved from where they were placed on the shelves. The book he’d been reading to you every night stays open and unturned on the table. His own home had turned into a paradox—you were here, but you also weren’t.

How strange, he thinks, how he still feels so acutely alone even with everything you left behind. He’s been through grief time and time again, but it never gets easier. If anything, this is perhaps the most harrowed he has ever felt.

The cemetery had begun to feel more familiar than it should. He hears everything that people say there. He hears them talk about how they wish they could see their loved one welcoming them back home. He hears them talk about how they wish they could just hear their loved one’s laughter one last time. How they wish they had professed their love before it was too late, how they wish they could say all the things they never dared to say. In this, he is not alone. His thoughts flow in that very same direction.

Neuvillette is not a selfish man. There is nothing he heavily desired that he’d do anything to obtain. And yet, he wonders if he should and could be just this once. Everything he wants is you. Every face in the crowd he sees is you, and every song he hears is in your voice. If he had just been more selfish and demanded you to stay, would he have been able to stop you? Would you still make the same decision?

He wakes up every morning to a cold and empty bedside. He leaves without a kiss goodbye. He comes home with no one to welcome him back. Suddenly he has returned to where he once was, alone and closed off from the world around him. Being by himself isn’t as daunting as it used to be, but nothing could ever replace you. With you, loneliness hardly existed. Without you, he has returned back to where he started.

Tick, tick, tick. The clock is the only sound he can hear on this dreary night as he watches it strike twelve. His eyes stay trained on his reflection in the glass, hoping that he’ll see you coming up to embrace him from behind like you used to.

You never do.

Yet another date on the calendar is crossed out. The ring glimmers in the moonlight from where it lays in its velvet box. He’d imagined it playing out in his mind, from the proposal to the look on your face as you told him yes. It was a gift that he spent a long time preparing and waiting for. A surprise that would always make you smile whenever you thought about it.

It was meant to be a promise, one that he would keep for as long as you’d let him.

But you never got to celebrate your birthday, and so he lets the candle’s flames die out on their own. With a heavy heart, he puts the ring back where it was on the shelf. Some plans go awry, but he can’t give up yet. There will come a day when he meets you again, and only then can he finally tell you everything he wanted to say.

For now, they remain unspoken. The promise is never made, and he alone is the witness.

—

Neuvillette wakes up to a world without colour.

Everything around him is painted in different shades of grey, from the trees swaying in the wind to the crystal-clear water in the fountain. Faceless passers-by are scattered across the plaza, talking amongst each other in hushed and intelligible words. As he walks down the stone path, he becomes acutely aware that this is merely a dream. And yet, he is completely lucid; he can feel the breeze against his skin and hear the birds chirping in the distance. His body moves at its command, continuing down the path to the destination only it could know.

He finds himself atop a grassy hill that overlooks the horizon where he can see a person standing on the edge. Your back is turned, but there’s no mistaking it—he’d recognise you from anywhere. It goes far deeper than memory. It's his instinct, his life, and he’d always choose you no matter what decision he has to make. He comes to a halt just as you finally look at him, and what was only a vignette bursts into vivid colours.

The world is no longer grey as vibrance returns to where it belongs. Neuvillette’s breath gets stuck in his throat the closer you approach him. You aren’t in the clothes he’d last seen you in. You’re dressed in white and you hold a bouquet of rainbow roses in your hands, every piece of it in full bloom.

“You’re here!”

This is a dream. He knows he is. But it sounds exactly like you, looks exactly like you, and he’s missed you so deeply that he’ll happily stay in this trance a while longer. He parts his lips to speak, but no words come out. There’s a light burn in his nose and behind his eyes the longer he looks at your joyful self. Without realising it, a tear rolls down his cheek, and he finds that he can finally breathe.

His hands shake as he reaches for you. Before he can revel in feeling you beneath his touch after so long, your skin turns cold and you melt into his hands until nothing is left behind but water. Only remnants of the mirage he’d just seen are left behind. And as if they never returned, the world turns grey once more before it completely fades into the dark.

Now, Neuvillette finds himself in his bed.

Rain pitter-patters against the window beside him and behind the shower is the sunrise, coming up ever so slowly. He casts a glance at your side of the bed and it is still empty, devoid of your warmth. It constantly reminds him of how cold and empty this place is, a stark difference from what it was when you were around. The sun has not yet risen. Hues of dark blue spread across the sky and obscure the stars, casting a dreariness upon the entirety of Fontaine.

The chill nips at his cheeks as he leaves his abode and makes his way to the cemetery in silence. He remembers the path to your grave like the back of his hand, a bitter fact he lives with, but he reigns himself in. The bouquet of Lumidouce bells in his hands suddenly feels much heavier as he gazes down at your picture. It’s already beginning to lose its colour thanks to the time and weather, so he reminds himself to replace it as soon as he can.

He gingerly puts the bouquet down on your altar. He imagines how you’d chide him seeing him in this state, how you’d wrap your arms around his waist and pull him close. He wonders if you have returned to the cosmos or the seas and if you’d be able to feel how much he yearns to be with you again. If there is an afterlife, is it a place where you are happy and free of every burden you carried? If he listened to the waters, would he be able to hear you calling his name?

(Six hundred and eleven days have passed, and his questions remain unchanged.)

Deep in his heart, Neuvillette fears that there will come a day when he forgets the way you looked or the way you sounded. Your voice has already become distant in his mind; it won’t be long before the years take you away from him again. Perhaps time isn’t as kind to him as it used to be.

But for you, he must continue to live, as much as he wishes he could turn back time and spend more of it with you. For you, he must fulfil your wish and honour you the best way he can. For you, he will hold on and wait for the next time you’ll grace him with yourself and your love.

Not once have I regretted my time with you, you had written.

He wonders if you’ll ever know that he feels the same way.

#all #neuvillette x reader #genshin impact x reader #angst #cw suicide #cw self-harm #cw death

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mcbride · 4 months ago

Text

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E05 - Deux Amours

i know i am late on this one, but life is hard, so the delay absolutely has nothing to do with fandom shenanigans and/or Zabel's words, which i will also address later in this post cause i love to prove him wrong as i unmask his own bag of tricks. stay with me! lovely carylers of mine, if you're wallowing in negativity, that is your prerogative, but this post is not for you.

this ep starts with the song "j'ai deux amours" (i have two loves), which is mostly about multiculturalism in a way you embrace the differences and become stronger together. Daryl is not quite there yet... he does not believe in God or faith, he only relies on himself... more after the jump...

Daryl is trying so hard to teach Laurent everything he can to help him survive this world. he is right, the kid is too sheltered, it's a miracle he hasn't become walker food.

Taking a break from my rewatch to address the elephant in the room. Zabel's interview. first we don't have the context of the question he is answering because what it sounds to me like he is saying is that he ain't changing the Caryl narrative, he ain't taking the romance route out of nowhere, he is just simply keeping up with the characters and honoring who they already are, who they seems to want to be and how important they already became to each other.

No, caryl isn't gonna fall in love cause they reunited after being separated for couple of months, their relationship is much more than that. they ain't gonna kiss and bang cause that's easy. there's so much history there. they are already completely irrevocably in love with each other. it's clear, but you have to rely on what the show is giving you. it's right there in front of your eyes.

as for not playing the TV's book of tricks, i am gonna pretend the "happy ending " voiceover and the talk about pigeons always returning home for the one (a gf) who waits never happened. so let's focus only on this episode alone, and expose Zabel's own CARYL book of tricks:

Daryl misses "a lady named Carol," she's different from all the people mentioned before, she is special, cause she is a lady. i see what you did there, Z.

Laurent says Daryl misses Isa too. BANG. bait, bait, bait. Carol vs. Isa. IS THIS the typical trick to mislead and misdirect, causing doubt in the viewer... i may not like it, but there's nothing more stereotypical in that book of tricks, than Daryl having options (and there's plenty: Connie, Isa...), but only one woman (Carol) truly holds is heart.

in flashbacks, Daryl meets a young man TJ who is also working for fuel so he can go back to his girlfriend (not to his mother, or sister, or business associate!!). WHAT A COINCIDENCE Daryl also getting fuel so he can go back home (to Carol!) and guess what, TJ's also planning to runaway with his girl, but they are going to California instead of New Mexico.

Azlan tried to convince Daryl to embrace the people he met and their cause, but he be like "I MADE A PROMISE" and causes just ain't his thing.

Daryl can't sleep thinking about the last time he talked to Carol on the radio... which was like two weeks ago! stop being so dramatic!

finally, it is revealed Daryl promised Carol to come back home asap on the radio, but not after asking her THREE FUCKING TIMES if she was okay. dude, we get it, your Carol-sense was tingling with worry just cause she sounded contemplative. she's fine! but she misses you. HE PROMISED CAROL he'd be back!

the most cathartic scene comes next, (well played Norman Reedus!) Daryl is livid, furious, and downright abusive to Laurent after he cut off their boat, delaying his delivery to the Nest, and Daryl's hope of keeping his promise. it ain't pretty, but it's viscerally Daryl. he stops himself from going down that hole, and hugs the heck out of that kid.

Laurent has no doubt that as soon as Daryl finishes his mission, he will leave. no matter what.

when it's revealed TJ is now a walker and will never see the love of his life ever again (tragic plss!), that Daryl hero complex comes out - he did not help TJ and bad things happened - and he punches a dude. and now it's his turn to not make it back to his girl cause he ends up on a fucking boat to France. i see what you done there, too, Z.

it's the end of the ep and i didn't even sweat to make everything happening to Daryl about Carol.... sometimes things are exactly what they seem.

Daryl is captured again... that happens every other episode FFS!!

Genet's voice over Daryl facing dead as he's entering the arena and flashback to almost turning into walker fodder on the boat: "We have all felt lost at times, far from the life we knew. Deprived of the people we loved [....] But we did not give up. In the name of all those we loved." Daryl will fight for his life, and he will fight for Carol, in the name of the promise he made to return home. and that was beautiful...

and that's it! (my apologies if my thoughts got a bit messy, but my brain is total mush! i dunno if i explained it as well as i wanted to, but i tried!)

so, i kinda loved this episode, it was just a bit tooo long for me! PS. i am going to finish by saying something what most people don't want to hear/accept. Melissa is a grown ass woman capable of making her own decision. she straight fucking left the whole spinoff, no one forced her to do anything (who says otherwise is lying to you) so do not think for one moment she didn't come back on her own terms. with that said, whatever is meant to happen or not happen in terms of caryl, i sleep really well knowing it is exactly what they want to happen, both Norman AND MELISSA! and i would watch the platonic buddy adventures of Carol and Daryl for fucking forever! except that's not what i think is happening, and no, i ain't reading interviews (good or bad!), i'm just paying attention to what is being shown on screen. feel free to tl;dr me!!!

see y'all next week for ep 6!!! THE FINALE!!!

28 days left until the premiere of THE BOOK OF CAROL!!!!!

#dd rewatch #the walking dead #daryl dixon #norman reedus #carol peletier #caryl #twd #the book of carol #caryl positivity #hanna.txt

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x-birdsong-x · 4 months ago

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Curious what you have to say about Adams

Edit: speed-rewrote/rearranged this at 10pm in a burst of anxiety-driven rambling because my coursework started up again. posted it as is because i probably need to take a break and it's been in my drafts for a few weeks. there's not really an ending here this is one big post with me rambling about my underdeveloped blorbo

I've rambled at my buddy @/willowpelt about Adams for weeks now n I think any of my House moots know how very autistic I am about her,,,,

Adams is stubborn. And petty. And sheltered. She's short-tempered and avoidant and nowhere near as trusting as she likes to think/say she is. She does not make it easy to get along with her.

Her moods are about as reactive as early-season Chase, the closest any later character ever gets to being similar to that; the smallest thing can set her off and she's snapping at everyone like a cornered cat for the rest of the day (god knows what made her angry in the first place half the time). She can get physically destructive when she's angry enough and refuses to get physically destructive when she's angry enough until her upgraded dad tells her to and gets her a rage room to destroy with a baseball bat. Her reaction to House asking if she's still angry before that is to shut up and stare at him. She swings between Fight and Freeze depending on the situation. The one time she reads House even mostly correctly is when she tells him he took the first deal anyone offered him Because He Wanted To Punish Himself. The only time she even near-successfully lies to House (or Chase) is when she is lying about her family, and Adams is Not A Good Liar. She can not lie to House or Chase or even Foreman to save her life.

She's completely Insane in ep 1 and is drastically toned down after that for literally no reason -- She gets attached to House before he gets attached to her and within two minutes of him calling her a dumbass she decides he's her Free Dad Upgrade and she'll never listen to anyone else ever again. She spends a good few seconds just pouting at him and then sulks for a good few hours when she finds out he briefly (indirectly) lied and then drops it completely when she's done. She gives him Vicodin when she's already on incredibly thin ice with her actual boss- and she doesn't like being in trouble here. She gets herself fired doing House's test and still finds a way to get a note smuggled into solitary just to tell him he was right. She's happy to meet up (for what she thought wasn't even work) with him when he first contacts her before ep 3 and sticks around from there.

Ep 5 is where she and Park are dramatically watered down even further just so Chase and Taub can play House-translators in a way that wasn't at all necessary given the way it's done covers misunderstanding House in ways Park and Adams literally never did.

And then there's ep 6. I project on Adams like a little whiteboard. I get mad when I think about her parents. Icicles by the scary jokes most Adams song of all time

This

Was Not

Her Fault

"You took the first deal they offered you because you wanted to punish yourself" is the only time she accurately reads House, the only time she almost manages to lie to any of them is when she's lying about her family. House spends their interactions this episode poking his second-to-newest daughter with a stick, as he does, and it gets little to nothing out of her except that her parents totally didn't do anything

When she does give him an answer, she starts it, and only when she has the opening to tell him He's Wrong, it was All Her Fault.

Honestly Adams would need years of therapy even if she hadn't had another episode after this (And Parents wasn't even her assigned episode, it was mostly Taub's)

The way Adams carries this around is genuinely so fucked up. Your sixteen-year-old with anger issues did a majorly impulsive thing. Something snapped and she went missing for two months and got into a very confusing very Not Good situation. She's not the type of person to have told them where she was- or at least where she stayed- while she was gone but I literally don't care if she didn't tell her parents that part of it I literally don't care if she got home and said she just stayed with a friend you can not tell your kid that She Did A Bad Thing that It Was All Her Fault that You Can't Believe She Did That that She Was Always The Problem There that She Caused All That Trouble to the point she believes it so strongly to the point she carries so much guilt so much desperation for absolution that when a kid who did the same thing who is the same age she was shows up she spends every second of it making everything worse by going This Is How It Has To Be This Is What You Need To Do Next

Runaways my beloved mess.

Why is this character-driven episode stuffed full of everything they needed to get into the season before Nobody's Fault/Chase covered months in-universe? Why are we following House running around without his ankle monitor all on-screen? Why is he taking the whole team with him to all these places? Why is Wilson here to say House is protecting Callie because he feels a connection with her but House never interacts with Callie at all past the opening? Why wasn't Foreman's relationship with Anita put in the episode before this - where it would've fit infinitely better because a point there was the patient's wife having feelings for her friend? Also I swear to god that reveal of Foreman going to that boxing match with House at the end of Parents did more for Foreman and House's relationship than any of this here.

Why is Chase so out of character and/or non-existent?

In context this one was Callie lying to keep covering up what her mom was really like, but this still feels ooc for Chase to me. Once they know about it, Callie's home life before she left is more fitting to Chase's situation with his mom and his sister than any other patient Chase has ever been matched up with and the one line he directly gets about Callie at all implies he doesn't believe her?

The most in-character thing Chase does in one of his so few significant appearances in this ep is be brutal when Adams tries (again) to go to him for reassurance/advice.

Chase doesn't ever hold back with her and I find it funny

The way Adams was handled here could have really worked if the episode had focused on what it was meant to focus on - if this one episode hadn't been used to scramble to tie up these other things pre-Nobody's Fault - if this other stuff wasn't taking up So Much Time in Someone Else's Assigned Episode.

I rewrite Runaways for fun- one version generally and one Much more self-indulgent version for the Warrior Cats AU because taking how Adams is handled in Parents - even moreso if they'd let her stay Crazy like she was in ep 1 - it could have worked as well to have had her be the one causing trouble through basically acting the way House does in the canon version of the ep, motivated by keeping Callie away from her mother, rather than causing trouble by doing what is, for Callie, the opposite of what she needs/wants.

Callie is given such a hard time here and Adams actually leads to multiple of those hard times but Callie still talks to her about Everything. Callie latches on to Adams as her safe person and looks for her opinion specifically when it only gets her nowhere and gives detailed versions of why she left/how she feels about her mother to Adams alone. They're so firewatcher's daughter to me,, nothing scares me more than the stranger at my door who I fail to give shelter time and worth

These two were the perfect matchup,, House read Callie like a book within minutes of first meeting her. He had this exact theory about her before he said it out loud. She's avoidant and stubborn and initially doesn't trust any of them. She swings between Fight and Say Nothing.

Callie at sixteen reached a breaking point with her family and ran away, got into (for her personally) a better situation, and then runs away again to get out of the hospital when the chance of being sent back home comes with it.

House read Adams like a book within the first day of knowing her (given he mentions noticing her getting bored in the three months she's been there - he'd done so much earlier than that without even talking to her). She's avoidant and stubborn and a whole lot less trusting than she thinks she is. She's Fight or Shut Up.

Adams at sixteen reached a breaking point with her family and ran away, got into an even worse situation, and then ran away from that to get out of it when going back home became the clear better(safer) option (and that really fucks with your mind when all you're told is that you did something wrong in the first place)

Adams blames herself for everything that went on when she was sixteen. She doesn't look back on any of it and see a reason for her leaving that she doesn't see as play stupid games win stupid prizes. But Callie's not doing that - She's found more stability away from home than she had at home, she's going to school, she still sees her friends, she's living on her own and knows what she's doing and where she wants to go even with the pushed-down emotions toward such a severed attachment to her mom.

Lightly counting the tiny retelling she starts here is watered down with the brightness turned up (succeeded by her being surprised that Callie still goes to school):

The way Adams responds to Callie is so much of her echoing. She spends this whole episode projecting right down to you think her mother wants to feel responsible for her daughter's problems?

It's you could at least let her in the room it's she's your mom and she's finally acting like it it's your mom knows she messed up and she's determined not to do it again and beyond the existing conflict Callie is upset that her parent is not listening to her(me too girl)

Adams' parents did something to make her snap before she ran away

And that Rebellious Phase is something Adams never really lost?? She's completely insane in ep 1. She and Park do a test House didn't want, she tries (and fails) at lying to Foreman for cover for House, she destroys a whole room with a baseball bat with only House telling her she's allowed to in ep 4. In Nobody's Fault she and Chase do a test House didn't want. Ep 18 she gives the kid a treatment House didn't want. She's yes a bit of a pain in Chase. She's stubborn as all hell in (parts of) Post Mortem and Runaways itself. Ep 8 and others she's just,, in One Of Her Moods.

Callie's actually fitting in some way for each of the team. Adams - ^^^ I'm autistic about them / Chase - caring for addict mom while just being a child himself. Dad unavailable in some way. Runaways is Adams' episode, but hell if Chase isn't actually involved in my rewrites / House - mentioned in the episode by Wilson / Taub - still adjusting to being a dad, struggling to feel an attachment to his kids and Callie is mentioned to have been closer to her dad than her mom / Park - Devotion to family / It's mad how Callie is (at least one of) the most developed patient(s) in the season even when the episode spends so much time on irrelevant stuff.

And with that - and again the way Adams is handled in Parents - The way Adams was handled here actually could've fit better for Park given that devotion to family and how they responded to the patient having left his family in ep 3:

vs.

I dunno. Have Adams cause trouble by pushing back at everyone who mentions getting Callie's mom involved.

That said I actually love Adams' last scene in Runaways I'm a complete sucker for the tone of these scenes (Parents, Runaways). Callie's parallels with Adams continue. House again tells Adams she's super fucked up. House tells Adams he doesn't care if she's fucked up. Adams has another crushing sense of unfinished business relating to that part of her life.

I'm obsessed with her. She's soaking up all my trauma like a sponge. I don't even remember when I first got so attached. She should be allowed to hit her dad with a baseball bat.

Adams also tells Chase she's seeing a trauma counselor post-Nobody's Fault and in the words of Willowpelt: "her therapist has it cut out for them and Adams doesn't even know it"

#yes there is a massive chance at least 90% of this stuff was completely accidental in the writing #you can pry c-ptsd adams from my cold dead projecting hands #house #house md #hatecrimes md #malpractice md #jessica adams #< she's my little fidget toy i lovbe her. something something typical of me to put us all to shame something something #greg house #gregory house #chi park #robert chase #<tagging house cuz he's most mentioned out of the others park for what i said at the end and chase for mentioning his lines in runaways

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kanmom51 · 2 years ago

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What’s interesting is how jimin is taehyungs “soulmate” but Tae never mentions jimin in lives, never really comments on his posts or lives.

Taehyung will mention Jungkook any single chance he gets on posts & live like if he doesn’t he will lose his community.

Jungkook will mention jimin any chance he gets, comments on posts & comments on his lives but rarely Taehyung.

Jimin will rarely mention any of them maybe once in 2-3 lives. Only comments on jks lives, no tae’s. (Only mentioned Tae twice in like 6 lives) (Jungkook once or twice if asked to say he hasn’t seen him/comment about watching his live ect) He mostly talks about suga, Jin, Hobi.

The dynamic is confusing and interesting. It’s like….

Taehyung > Jungkook

Jungkook > Jimin

Jimin > Jin, Suga, Hobi (+ JK)

Jimin hasn’t met up with Taehyung twice now (didn’t wait at the airport, didn’t text or call, randomly posted on weverse instead of just texting Taehyung + didn’t show up to work out with him)

Like is V desperate for JK to appear his best friend but JK seems to only talk about jimin and wanting to hang with him and jimin is mostly spending time with members at hybe & working on stuff. So it’s like what are their dynamics as of now.

I feel like this one is going to be long and wordy and perhaps all over the place. It is what it is. Lol.

Ok, so let's start with your base line @malecsma1a , which to me is wrong when it comes to JM. JM does mention JK. He seeks out comments about him to have a reason to, but also talks about him or listens to his songs or comments on his lives (actively seeking JK out). JM is way more careful than JK, who in an essence doesn't give a flying fuck what people think of him. The only reason JK hasn't done more at this point is because he's respectful of his partners wishes. A partner that at this point in time is not ready to make that move yet. It's their current contracts with the company, it's their looming military service, it's their families, it's the fandom, it's who knows what it is, he's just not ready for that yet.

So JM is cautious and he goes with the easy subjects to talk about, initiating talk about, Jin and Hobi. Suga not so much (unless it was during their promotional period). I'm trying to think when he talked about RM last, and the only thing I can think of is during his Billboard #1 live telling us RM congratulated him. I might be wrong.

Anyway, JM initiates talk about them cause they are easy. Easy subjects, easy connections, just easy. Or, more like safe.

As for JK, ooh he wants to talk about him, he's itching to talk about him. You can see it in this pre-release lives when he seeks out the comments about JK and answers them or he listens to Euphoria and doesn't stop talking about JK. Did you see how happy JM was during his post recording live when JK spammed his comments? It's just that JM needs a reason to be able to talk about JK, cause you know, Jikook are kind of a taboo subject. Brining up JK out of nowhere for JM is a landmine, a ticking bomb, so he's careful. I just wanted to clear that up. If JM doesn't mention JK it's not for lack of wanting to. JK is on his mind just like JM is on JK's.

That's the JM baseline.

Now let's please move on with another baseline statement that you haven't mentioned, one that HAS to be said time and time again.

Not seeing it or hearing it happen, most certainly does not mean it isn't or didn't happen.

That one is lacking in your ask.

It feels like you are making assumptions on relationships based on the very very limited public interaction we are getting from them.

Many a times we hear from the members about messages they have sent each other on their chat group or privately, messages we would have zero knowledge about if not for them telling us about them. How many interactions like that don't they tell us about do you think? I can tell you without any doubt that 99.9% of their interactions with each other are unknown to us. Online and off. And this definitely includes JM and Tae and most obviously JK and JM.

You mention 2 interactions between JM and Tae. The first we wouldn't even know about if not for Tae telling us during his live. The second we wouldn't have know about either if not for JM's cheeky Weverse post and Tae's snappy answer. How many more interactions are there that neither shared with us? We have no way of knowing. As for the airport Weverse interaction, it's obvious that they weren't going to be riding home together, as there were 2 cars waiting for them. So maybe say hi at the airport on the way out or something like that. JM had a skip in his walk, he was excited to get to the car and home (to someone else that was probably just a little more important to him) so he decided not to wait for Tae. Oopsy. These conversations they have on Weverse are for our benefit. They are done for the fans, period. Because again, we all know they have their group chat and each other's phones. Maybe they do it to show all's well between them, because of the buzz about things not being ok, maybe another way of keeping in contact with the fans, Idk.

I digress.

Your bottom line question was about the dynamics. How they have changed? Have they changed?

Vmin

Idk what is going on, if there is something going on, between JM and Tae.

We know about two times they didn't end up getting together. But we know they were planning to, and at the same time we don't know if there are other times they did meet up.

We can also deduct from those two times that they are obviously on speaking terms.

You are right to say that Tae barely mentions JM. He didn't even congratulate him publicly on his solo album nor his Billboard #1, and that is strange for someone that is his supposed soulmate. But this could be something done in agreement with JM. We just don't know. I do not want to make assumptions about the state of their relationship with near to no information. JK is obviously ok with Tae. And dare I say that I don't think he would be so ok with Tae if Tae did something to badly hurt JM? Because even without seeing them in one frame for months now, JK has made it abundantly clear who his no. 1 priority is, and that's JM.

Taekook

JK has clearly gotten closer with Tae since their 2020 issues. It's taken some time, and I do think that JM being less available during his preparations for the album and promotions brought them closer still. But when I say close, it's by no means as close as he is with JM. Dare I also say that the kind of closeness is also different. It's a matehood kind of closeness. It's them being those friends that play online video games together, that go out once in a while with friends, for fun, for company. I really don't think there is more to that friendship. Tae is not someone JK finds solace in. The people he would turn to would be first and utmost JM, then perhaps Hobi and Jin. Tae is fun and games. A good distraction when there was no schedule, when he was off quilter, when JM was gone (in a sense, not really, but also not as available to him as he was used to up until not too long ago).

And we have Tae and his ever so often one sided mention of JK (one sided cause like you said, we barely have the same from JK). Is JK the only member he's in touch with? I doubt it. I have 1001 things going through my head right now as to why Tae is doing this. Sadly, none of them are him being genuine. I'm sorry. I love him, but this thing he's been doing, the one that even the best of ours (and I'm not including myself in that group, cause I was seeing it before and not loving it too much) are starting to question his motives about, it feels wrong. And it's not because of him championing his friendship with JK, which good for them, I'm happy they had each other to fall to when everyone else was super busy. It's the timing, it's the way he does it. Maybe if he wasn't so damn obvious about it, maybe if he was more suave, sophisticated in the way he was doing it. But he's not. I think he needs to take a lesson or two from JK, Mr. JM spoiler king and champion fan and supporter.

So, friends yes. Nothing more nothing less. Oh, and did I talk about what the company might be pushing here? No? Maybe I better not at this point. Maybe I better wait and see how things turn out, cause even if this is what the company wants, the big unknown here is just how much JK will comply.

Jikook

As for Jikook. Those two are as good as ever. Good as gold. They are doing private right now. Here we come to that ever so important baseline you forgot about: not seeing them doesn't mean they aren't there nor does it mean that they are not happening.

Here's one of the times I've talked about what we aren't seeing and why it means absolutely nothing:

I've talked about this multiple times, but this is the one I found on the run.

Remember back in mid 2022, after they went on a very long break, when there was all the talk about Jikook not interacting on SM, not being seen out together? Remember that? "Jikook have broken up" was all over the place (just like it was a second before JM's album release and JK's "have no mistake I love JM" lives) . Including coming from the usual insecure Jikookers that need the two to prove time and time again they are in a relationship (cause that's how life is isn't it? We have to prove to our surroundings that we are together otherwise we aren't?). Anyway, then we had the Seoul concerts, they were more than fine, LV, omg they were on fire, new tattoos included. Got back from LV and again that roller coaster of them not being seen together not interacting was in a loop. Good thing we had our president of the Jikook fan club to post from Washington showing us them out together. Good thing we had the JITB party BTB to show us the talk about them not interacting in the party were bull crap. Once again, seeing that content should have taught us a lesson - not seeing them initially in the clips and photos leaking from the party (well almost not seeing them, cause we did have that clipet (clip + snippet) of them in the corner JK's hand on JM's waist) doesn't mean they weren't doing their thing. You know, in the dark corner JK embracing JM's hand and all... and there was more. Believe me there was so much more that went on in that party that we haven't seen on tape.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not happening.

And before Busan, and then after Busan and before JM's album release, see the pattern?

JM and JK they are intimate. We kind of know it, let's not kid anyone. They have been together for years, they are sexually active, they are a long term couple. Yet, we have never seen them even so far as kiss have we? Does that mean they didn't or don't? I don't like talking about this stuff here, cause it's private, it's theirs, and that's why I'm stopping at the very innocent example of kissing, but I'm trying to make a point here. We don't see what they do 99% of the time, and I'd say since the hiatus it's already 99.9% of the time.

And yet, JK in the past few months, since Feb 2023, and even more so since mid March 2023 (his white day live) is telling us everything (in the way that he can at the moment). He's telling us they are still very much ok. He's telling us he knows stuff that we don't, stuff that he wouldn't know if they were not still very close. He's showing us just how much he cares for JM, how much he loves and supports him. He's telling us they are seeing each other, even if we don't know they are.

And JM in one song, in which he included JK, told us (so yes, the song is for us in the essence of him wanting us to know, but the letter is addressed to JK) how deep his feelings are for JK and that they are forever. JK joined him on that one.

They are good.

They are forever.

They both told each other and us that.

Look, I know you miss them. Miss seeing them. Miss seeing their interactions. I do too. So so much. Cause they are just happiness and hope all in one. Seeing their interactions, seeing how much love there is there it's precious and I miss it so much. But I'm not making the mistake, and don't you either, of concluding that not seeing these interactions means they aren't happening. They just aren't showing them to us, in the content that is.

There are a few reasons that come to mind as to why the company is doing this, although sorry but they are just being stupid. The lack of Jikook content at this point is more suspicious than any kind of content they might have had together under official supervision. For two obviously very close people, whatever label you want to attach to them, the lack of official content is screaming "why the fuck aren't they paired together?"

Not to mention the irrevocable fact that they are the two with the most electrifying chemistry. There is a reason that they used to be constantly paired together. They just work.

The company are the ones pushing these units and they have done so since the hiatus. It's Jihope and Yoonmin on the one hand and Taekook on the other.

The rhythm of Korea with BTS was one of the more obvious to see this agenda and the fact that it was JM and Suga chosen to champion Busan, yeah, felt weird to me.

Was there supposed to be chemistry? If there was, I didn't see it.

Side note: Notice how JM is wearing his special necklace in this official content. He doesn't do that. They are styled for these kind of clips. I do think that was a statement. Maybe not one necessarily for us.

In any case, that is one example.

You want another one?

JM's dance practice BTB is another. We wouldn't have seen JK there if not for JM's comment during his live about JK coming to see him practice. That BTB felt rushed and the JK part of it was evidently highly edited. Take what they show us there, less of a minute of JK being there, not even showing us his arrival (which means not showing us JM's reaction to his arrival), and compare it to the edit of Hobi coming to visit JM during the Like Crazy MV shoot. One pairing obviously being highlighted (oh, for months), the other downplayed.

There is more. All in the name of Hybe's end game. Yes, I really don't think this is being done to protect them. And I also don't think this is coming from them. If it was, JK wouldn't have rebelled the way he has against the company. JK's a good boy, he's compliant as a whole, but he is also a non conformist, and has his limits and he is being held back for too long. There are things they want to do and they aren't allowed to, and what we've seen in the past couple of months from them is their form of rebellion. What they are allowing themselves to do at the moment. JK deleting his IG. Make no mistake, that was his big fuck you to the company. His lives, not giving a fuck. Him supporting JM in the way he can being the loudest that he can under the circumstances. JM showing up in JK's comments but not only showing up, openly flirting with him. This was them saying "absolutely nothing has changed between us".

I told you this was going to be unnecessarily long, didn't I?

Well, bottom line is that I don't think the dynamics between JM and JK have changed, they are same old same old.

And to be truthful, I don't think that the dynamics between JK and Tae have changed either. Yes, they are closer in the sense that when JM is away JK is spending more time with Tae (either online or meeting up). They spend more time together but make no mistake, the dynamic is the same as it always was with those two, you could clearly see that in that Feb live when Tae showed up in JK's comments and then they went live on IG.

There are those that don't like me comparing, but I love to compare, cause that's how you know it's different, right?

The silence moments between JK and Tae in that live were outright awkward.

Then take the last time we had Jikook in a live together - JM's birthday back in October 2021, a Jikook masterpiece, lol. Their silences are electrifying.

It's the difference between staying quiet cause you have nothing you really want to or know to say and staying quiet because you want to say everything but are worried it will be too much.

Those dynamics were there before, and they are still there.

Did I forget someone?

Oh yes, Vmin.

Yeah, I have no idea. Those two are keeping us in the dark. Many think there is something weird going on with them. Could be. Could also be that everything is fine and they are just not talking about each other.

#ask

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skywalking-through-life · 7 months ago

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Rate Sally/Paul, Sally/Poseidon and/or Sally/Paul/Poseidon from 1-10 and explain why!! Or just choose one if that's preferable. ~Hermes

LOL, yet another fantastic ask, Hermes. 😂

Okay, here goes! I will attempt to work within the parameters you set, so you can have rankable data, but I don't personally tend to think of the ships I like in terms of rankings, and I like all these ships a lot, lol.

Sally/Paul - I briefly touched on this one in my answer to your ask about ships I like that other people don't, so I'll try and expand a little. As a woman in my thirties, I've really, really, really come to appreciate the value of having a romantic partner in your life who is just like...really chill with things, lol. And if I, with my slightly-unusual-in-parts-but-mostly-very-ordinary life, can appreciate that, how much more might Sally? 😂 Poor woman has not had anything easy. If I were in her shoes, I probably would have despaired of ever finding a man who could love me (and my teenage demigod son, lol) in the steady, accepting way Paul seems to. He's just a good guy, and after Gabe (ew) and Poseidon (complicated), she deserves a good guy. 💙 (9/10, this makes me feel so warm and fuzzy)

Sally/Poseidon - There is a fantastic song called 'Dream in Blue,' by The Stray Birds, that literally always makes me think of Posally, because it is sad and beautiful and longing and so tender. I may be the only one who has ever thought of them when listening to that song, lol, but it does a great job of describing how I feel about this ship! There is just so much complexity and depth to their relationship, and it makes me think more than (almost) any other PJO ship. As you know, lol, since you love the fic that I've done so much of that thinking in! What is love, especially when it is real, and mutual, between a God and a mortal? Something both permanent and very hard to pin down, I think, and something heartbreaking. (7/10, only because sometimes the feelings are too heavy for me)

Sally/Paul/Poseidon - Okay, so I know that this started out as a crack ship in MANY people's minds (maybe yours, I can't remember?), but I unironically ADORE it. 😂 Why should Sally have to choose between her uncomplicated, adoring puppy of a mortal husband, and all the depth and power of her adoring (ex?) immortal lover? I live for the image of both of them doting on her, maybe starting out slightly competitively, wondering what Sally sees in the other, before they slowly begin to see each other the way she does. I have an incredible mental image of Percy walking in on Paul and Poseidon making out in the kitchen while his mom sits at the table with a crossword puzzle or something, and him shrieking and about passing out on the linoleum. 😂 I honestly think it is the best combination of adult beings in Percy's life, so the potential for soft parenting moments and hilarious parenting mishaps is HIGH. (10/10, duh)

#hope you enjoyed my dear one!#sally jackson/paul blofis #posally #sally/paul/poseidon #percy jackson #sally jackson #paul blofis #poseidon #percy jackson headcanons #ship ask tag

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archivalofsins · 3 months ago

Note

As someone who has experienced both The Caligula Effect and Milgram, which Milgram characters do you consider most likely to be in the Go-Home Club and Musicians respectively?

Hm, this is a really difficult question...

Mostly because Milgram and the Caligula Effect franchise are different on very fundamental levels.

So, here's the short answer no spoilers or long explainations-

Musicians: Haruka, Shidou, Mahiru, Amane, Kotoko. Go Home Club: Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, Mikoto.

As a bonus-

Aria: Jackalope μ (Mu)/Regret: Es

Long post with a lot of reasoning and other stuff beneath. Spoilers for the Caligula Effect games under the cut.

Now why is this difficult?

This is because Caligula Effect has a focus on rehabilitation and bettering oneself from their past experiences. As well as a focus on building better communication skills all while meeting people where they’re at and looking at one’s own actions more objectively.

While on the other hand Yamanaka has gone on record stating that Milgram isn’t about rehabilitation not only within the text itself but outside of it.

Amane's First Voice Drama

Don't make me laugh. I'm not your teacher at school; it isn't my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path.

This can be taken as a bit of cheeky nod towards Caligula Effect something Amane's voice actress also worked in. Since that takes place within a school setting. It is still highlighting this is not that though.

Highlighting that once again guidance, learning from one's mistakes, and receiving the proper help to thrive is completely antithetical to Milgram's goals. Something that many people who have played Caligula Effect would recognize Yamanaka understands very well and is capable of portraying that sort of character growth in ways while still not always correct are far more kinder and encouraging of progress than Milgram will ever be.

Because this is Milgram; it's not about the characters finding closure or becoming better versions of themselves. It's about sin and judgment- Crime and punishment. Sinners and executioners. This is reiterated in the first novel to an extent as well.

Outside of that canon statement- Yamanka stated on the Milgram App early into the series that there are no connections between Milgram and Caligula Effect,

Source: Maristelina (MILGRAM Timeline Master Document)

It's a completely new world.

Side note it is very fun seeing the creator comments within that doc. My favorite of trial two these several for personal reasons- I will be analyzing these forever actually.

Really like how Deco just points out "I wanted to be loved like a cat" perfectly embodies Kazui's character. I love how with the discussion of Purge March it's the second time a prisoners ideology has been referred to so bluntly. The third one is just like yeah tell me the obvious one more time baby!

Also the way Deco highlights paying attention to the tone in It's Not My Fault is just really good too-

Like,

"Listen closely to the subtle inflections in the vocals."

This is something that has also been discussed when it comes to the musician covers of the their songs in Caligula Effect Overdose. It is something showcased very well in Stork's self-cover of Lovescope. Using him as the example here because he shares a voice actor with Shidou and I need to spread the cursed knowledge.

So, fans of Caligula Effect do have an unfair advantage when it comes to Milgram because they'd be more used to how Yamanaka and to an extent Deco create a narrative through the use of music.

Also these may be my favorites but all of the comments regarding the songs on the app are very informative and I would recommend giving them a look over if anyone has the time.

This is just turning into advertising this Google Doc at this point. Go read it. It's great and informative. I really like it. It's well put together and easy and sift through. Plus have multiple translations to compare and contrast allow me to get a clearer idea of the situation as someone who's always had an issue with comprehending text.

But back on track- Yamanaka told the Milgram audience from the beginning that these two franchises had nothing to do with one another. This may have been done in attempt to avoid others falling victim to the assumption that Milgram would handle these topics in similar ways to Caligula Effect.

However, a writer’s creations will always hold their own unique touch within them. Something that can give people a glimpse into how the creator presents a topic or what topics a creator may enjoy putting a spotlight on. Something that may not only be pertinent to one of their works but others as well.

Attentive observers may very will become acutely aware of a creators style and creative habits over time. The audience’s ability to do this with a creators work is ultimately what creates a fandom around those works. It may very well do the opposite at times too. Since at times people will understand the point that a creator is trying to make through their creation agree or disagree with that point and still hate the execution.

Or even that the point was illustrated at all depending on the viewers subjective biases.

In the old,

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

way.

So, regardless of how unrelated to Milgram Deco's and Yamanaka's past works are. They'll always be related through the fact that they share creators alone despite what the creators have to say on the matter. That's just one of the pitfalls of creating a lot of things in general there are bound to be comparisons of those things.

For example like the way Hao wound up being compared to Salamander.

Things like this are going to happen. Comparisons of ones creations with their other ones or even to the works of others are going to continue to occur even if someone tries to get ahead of it which Yamanaka did that was him getting ahead of it.

Even still comparisons are things people commonly make as well as how many individuals engage with and analyze the information in front of them. So, yes regardless of how often one says certain things are not related to each other if they are in close proximity to one another connections will wind up being made. People are going to be able to relate it back to something said creator made in the past or even works completely unrelated to the creator that predate or succeed the work being compared.

However, it still matters and is a indisputable fact that these things are completely unrelated to one another and treating them as they could be would stop people from enjoying Milgram in the way it was intended to be enjoed.

It's still fun to think about despite that. I do believe it is important to note that the this is not the intended viewing experience. Like one of the creators bluntly stated so.

Just as Yamanaka also stated many of times that the cover songs have nothing to do with the story. They just pick whatever best suits the character or would be fun.

Source: Yamanaka's Marshmallow

Other fun things of note,

Either way, the prisoners covering these songs have nothing to do with their murders. It's a fun fanservice kind of like special tailored karaoke.

Yuno didn't decide to do what she did one day simply because she went and sung Vampire. This is a given no one is saying that's what occurred here. Yet, it's still fun to delve into what this says about the prisoners character in the same way people think,

"Hm I wonder what my favorite song says about me." It's just a neat thing.

No one's saying,

"Oh, because so and so covered this that means this is their crime."

However, once these songs have been related to the characters and franchise in some way people are going to want to think about why. Especially since Milgram is a series that's prone to having bursts of content and then none for long stretches of time.

Discussing the covers is just another way to lengthen the discussions fans can have around the series during said downtime.

Observable writing quirks/tendencies.

It's the same with discussing the Caligula Effect series.

Because the more one knows about Caligula Effect the easier it becomes to see the similarities between the characters within it and the ones within Milgram. Even if at times those similarities can be incredibly surface level.

Like got damn Yamanaka how many times are you going to create characters that are cops?

I don't care if Kazui may be lying about everything it's still like three times at most and two at best my guy. There's only two Caligula Games- In both someone is a cop. We're two for two. That's already two too many. If there's a third game chances are high there will be another cop.

Like at that point it's a bit of writing pattern despite how unrelated these things are. I'm just gonna throw that out there.

That's not even touching on both series using Es within their naming conventions. Caligula Effect taking place in Metaverse-Es and the prisoner guards within Milgram being referred to as Es. Both stories relying on music when it comes to displaying the mentalities of certain characters.

Given all of those points, it's a little unsurprising Caligula Effect would have characters on both sides of its cast that would be reminiscent of the prisoners in some way to those familiar with Milgram.

For example Shogo displays his regret similarly to how Kazui does. Something that leads me to speculate that to an extent the suicide framing of his sin is a projection of Shogo's storyline onto Kazui's character. Since that's a part of his narrative.

So, when I run into the idea of any of the prisoners murders not being direct murders that are a consequence of their mentalities and choices. Something that Jackalope blatantly tells the viewer,

"The fact of having committed murder in their lives is a direct result from the thoughts each espoused and their individual environments."

Yet, instead their murders are indirect deaths or suicides caused through negligence/just their everyday mannerisms. As well as when the prisoners situations are presented as very abstract themes that wouldn't count as murder unless someone had a very serious issue with conflating minor inconveniences to extreme grievances.

I just want to do some equivalent of this-

Because that's just these games really. I even went as far as to describe Caligula Effect as the Barney version of Milgram to a friend. It's like babies first interaction with cruelty and the concept of people being assholes.

It's never really as extreme as Milgram can get except when it comes to Overdose exclusive characters. Still all the games manage to get the point across. This is why I find it very easy to find comparisons between the prisoners and the Caligula cast.

The easiest characters to make comparisons to off the top of my head being #QP and Mahiru. A more difficult to catch one in my opinion would be the similarities between Machina and Shidou- Since from what I have heard Shidou tends to be compared to Doktor more so.

I believe this is because like with Kazui it's really easy to compare the prisoners to other characters they seem to share a profession with. It just gives a good jumping off point to work from.

I tend to lean more towards comparing him to Machina because both his first glitched voice line and Triage put on full display to me that his first run in with death may have been the death of his family members later in life. So much later in fact that he couldn't even fully understand what he was having people reckon with until it happened to him. The fact that Shidou is like this from the start ultimately leaves an avenue for Kotoko's stance to have some credibility regardless off if she was found Guilty from the jump or not.

Since Shidou is a walking example of how sometimes the only way for certain people to learn that what they're doing is wrong is by experiencing it for themselves.

"[cackling] Not dead... Yeah, she's definitely not dead... I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people of."

This comparisons can wind up lead to relating Shidou to Sasara a member of the Go Home Club who's heavily associated if not thematically paired with Machina. Someone else who despite being the eldest in 2 is just now coming to terms to death as she has to come to terms with the end of her life. Very similarly to Shidou she doesn't really grasp it before this because she didn't really have to face it head on in this way before and thought very little of it.

It's not as though she has any regrets either. Her life is fine. In fact the only reason she's here is because she just wanted to live her life over. Not because she regretted anything in particular it was just so good she wanted to do it again.

In contrast Machina has been reckoning with the concept of death from a far younger age. It's implied that he quite recently lost a family member to it and has been stricken with a fear of death since that incident. Wishing to become a cyborg in order to avoid it and not being able to reckon with the fact with every breath taken we all move ever closer to our own inevitable demise.

His song having choice Shidou esque lines such as-

"I wished for those days to remain idyllic. I wished for the power to protect them. Even if it costs me everything I have."

And the remix starting with the repeated spiraling line of-

"I can't stand it, I can't stand it, I can't stand it. I can't stand it, I can't stand it, I can't stand it. I can't stand it, I can't stand it- I can't stand it what a tragedy it is to be doomed to death at birth."

While the regular version begins with,

"Once you draw your last remaining breath even memories you have clung to will scatter into ash. As I realize what a curse a beating heart is the mourners gather and laugh at a hollow coffin."

Machina is at the most of middle school age. This kid was just going through it. Don't believe me here's what the game said on it outside of the song,

In his first year of middle school, his grandmother passed, profoundly impacting his views on mortality.

Machina was not particularly close with his grandmother. Though she spoiled him as a child, he began talking to her less and less as he grew into an adolescent. She passed soon thereafter, marking the first time an immediate relative had died.

Machina became so afraid of death that he couldn't even breath without being in mortal terror of his own inevitable decay at the hands of death itself.

As he continued to study death, he learned about a structure in human cells known as "telomeres."

Telomeres are shortened every time a cell divides. Once they fall below a critical limit, new cells can no longer form, spelling death.

In other words, even just the mere act of existence marches one toward an inexorable end.

It's a simple fact, really. No matter how meaningfully one lives, how happy they are, or how carefully they avoid harm and injury, as long as their cells continue to divide, they too will die. Upon realizing that human life was but a one-way ticket with a final destination, Machina fell into the depths of despair.

Though he knew it was a fool's errand, he would hold his breath and try to stay in bed, living life with as little activity as possible in hopes it would keep death at bay, if even slightly.

He stopped going to school, and was beset by panic attacks each night.

I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?

The answer for Machina was,

No, it's not.

Because to breath is to die a million small deaths as your cells divide as though counting down to the end of your lifespan. Like a cursed hourglass full of cells instead of sand.

Which wouldn't be applicable to any other thing ever actually,

Nope not one thing this can be applied to.

A times it's pretty easy to draw comparisons between these two series. Even outside of the fact both creators Milgram worked on these games. Deco making the song Love Scope for Stork in Caligula Effect Overdose.

Whether the character the prisoners are compared to is a musician or a Go Home Club member matters very little. This is because within Caligula the Go Home Club Members and the Musicians generally parallel each other in some ways anyhow. So comparing a prisoners to any of them will inevitably lead to comparing them to someone else in the series.

Plus, the cast in Caligula tends to be visually paired off in a way that helps that stand out more. As well as in ways that most Milgram fans would be familiar with. Such as youngest and oldest which is the case with Sasara and Machina.

However, Milgram fans should be familiar with this since it’s used again in Milgram with Kazui and Amane.

In Caligula Effect Yamanaka uses the juxtaposition of these characters ages to discuss the concept and fear of death. Something that does wonders as it highlights how someone at the end of their life displays their fear of death by trying to rush towards it as though that gives them anymore control over it occurring while someone younger will try to avoid it even if that avoidance hinders them from truly living.

In either case the fear is still there and very real. If not incredibly debilitating in some or most ways.

Due to the nature of Caligula Effect where there are no wrong parties only wrongs being done.

Don't get me wrong there are some objectively in the wrong parties within the narrative. In fact every character here is objectively wrong at some point. I believe some people like to trick themselves into believing the characters in Caligula Effect Overdose were the worst of them and the ones in two are so much better actually.

Yet, the ones within two are also terrible. They're just tentatively politically correct while being terrible.

Which is a very superficial way to define if someone is a bad person. On top of that they don't remain politically correct at all times either.

Everyone's Bad Here

Firstly this series is named Caligula Effect. The Caligula Effect is a term used in Japan to describe the desire to do something that is forbidden or socially unacceptable.

Source: Den Faminico Gamer interview with The Caligula Effect producer Takuya Yamanaka (The DigiLab)

Given that it should be no surprise that none of the behaviors or mannerisms displayed in either of these games are meant to be viewed a admirable or healthy. The character discussed in this answer is from Caligula Effect Overdose though.

So let's turn it back to the second games cast real quick. Remember how in the previous segment I stated they don't remain politically correct. Well that's because some of them are really ableist which I've never seen discussed outside of Doktor. I definitely believe it should be because like one of the Go Home Club members is ableist too.

Just blatantly. So, like actually...

This character literally tells the player yeah killing someone is better than letting them live with a possible physical disability. Like just blatantly agrees with Doktor. I guess they get a pass because internalized ableism is a thing though. Even if it's internalized it's still fucking ableism. I mean just because someone points it at themselves too doesn't make them better than any other fucking ableist- But okay.

This is the space to work on yourself this isn't about crime and punishment. This isn't about sin.

You know for me personally- if it's between using a mobility aid and being in the fucking ground... Um, ya know my pride ain't high enough to think the latter is better and more respectable. Call me ignorant but I'd rather be alive with some difficulties than dead.

This isn't the worst thing characters in Caligula Effect have done by the way.

Some of them are murderers too. Not just one of them multiple of them are murderers and attempted murderers. Yet, if we stay here all day talking about what murderers in the Caligula Effect series are forgivable in the eyes of the audience and which are not- I’m gonna end up writing a tangent that’s devolves into Marie is basically Eiji but a girl, more impoverished (Eiji was born into a finacially well off family his father was a lawyer with a law firm), different diagnosis (Eiji's issue is labeled as Psychopathy and Marie's Sociopathy in Caligula Effect Overdose) didn’t get kidnapped (had abusive family instead barring her grandma who was not abusive canonically), and happened to get a redemption arc (because she wasn't killed by a Final Destination style rube goldberg machine of shenanigans out of the clear blue fucking sky that wound up saving the life of another character that fell off a twenty story building).

I feel like I have the right to be mad actually.

Oh while also not having ableism imposed upon her characterization in a way that demonized and vilified her. She got hit with the we need to put you out off your misery ableism not the we need to spare ourselves from the misery of knowing people like you exist ableism. So, we're going to frame this as though there's something uniquely evil and fucked up about you actually and everyone else here is super normal. In fact some of them could tell you were evil just from the look in your eyes. You had the eyes of a snake not a normal person.

Oh, but it gets worse.

Marie canonically killed multiple people, abducted others, locked the first Go Home Club in a room for three days at a point only giving them cough drops before giving them drugged food-

Star here! Something to be noted; when this first happened, Gunsli enjoyed Marie doing this-

Gunsli : That is true when this first happened this was fine I very much enjoyed it. I was all for it really. That was before listening to people defend or outright ignore the things she did because,

"She was always really good deep down. I always knew it! Because I'm a great judge of character and I could never like an evil fictional character because what would that say about me? My fragile ego wouldn't be able to take it. I'd be crushed and it would be the works fault for tricking me. So she needs to be good because that's the only way for me to know I'm good."

Look past your ego it's really never that deep.

Liking an evil character- A fictional construct is fine as long as that like is not negatively impacting reality. Put the mirror down. Sometimes a character being bad and a person liking said character anyway doesn't reflect on that person at all unless they make it reflect on them which is their choice to.

Also, like... No she wasn't clearly good deep down, no one saw that ahead of time, most fans didn't even play these games in order. Or read the light novel where it basically states people saying your past doesn't matter are ignorant.

Back to the other things she did not that we've touched on that light novel- Attempted to push the one person who trusted her down a flight of stairs, framed another person that trusted her misleading their friends into believing they had betrayed them. Ruined countless friendships for her personal enjoyment in and outside of Mobius. She was doing that like she was trying to win the gold in shit starting. Marie was in that bitch like this when it came to instigating.

While Eiji, to the stories own admission, never kills anyone with his with his own hands. Now hold on before you start thinking what the hell- Eiji Biwasaka is still a terrible person too. He believes there's no way men and women can just be friends (wink-wink , nudge- nudge he texts this to the protagonist by the way). Is heavily implied to be in love with the protagonist in subtle ways like many characters in the series are. This isn't a crime just fun to note because if the protagonist takes the betray route and he's there he is genuinely upset. How do I know this?

I kept him alive because I wanted to see his reaction when I did it. Moving forward.

He's mostly upset that the protagonist didn't let him in on it which is funny and fair. Then genuinely enraged by the betrayal and is like you have to die now for pulling one over on him. Which again aww you- stay mad about it. He gets egregiously upset at the protagonist trying to get to know him on a deeper level and is acutely angered by criticism or being told what to do in any capacity.

Literally any form consequence for his actions he does not take kindly.

He tries to attack Kuchinashi. Almost hitting her with his catharsis weapon which is a whip. Similar to what a character within two does to one of the musicians but seemingly gets no flack for it. Like, um, well- Ya know that character is not Eiji. Certainly the character is still great in their own ways but got damn Eiji Biwasaka was something else. That man was trash. Absolute garbage and I am dumpster diving. You got me fucked up if you think I wasn't there for it.

It was amazing. He did not wanna change. He was never going to change. He leaves because he didn't want to change.

He literally removes himself from the narrative and team because the protagonist tries to hold him accountable. Then still somehow manages to get where the plot is. Because he was that competent. Certainly he had to die in a Final Destination esque way nothing else could've killed him. Unimportant side note here he's trying to murder someone within Mobius. Even though that person is a terrible piece of shit he is still trying to kill them.

Not because they're terrible but because leaving them alive may end up causing him trouble in the long run.

This is because he blackmailed this other party into killing someone that was taking Eiji to court for embezzling from the elderly (the mother of the man taking him to court) and the disabled (not the mother he had just been embezzling for a while). He did this even though everything for the case was gathered and he'd be facing prison time regardless. He just did that shit as a fuck you on the way out because he could. It did not serve him in any way.

How did he blackmail this guy well by bringing up his insanity plea was in fact bullshit and he could hypothetically have this man retried or that plea brought under scrutiny. Because as I mentioned before this man was acquitted and then continued to do the same shit. So, don't get it twisted Eiji and Marie are no better or worse than each other.

However, in contrast to Marie who is indulged throughout all of the first game or you can't even continue her character story Eiji is actively stopped from killing this guy. A guy who physically assaulted a person in an underground idol group with a baseball bat blinding her.

Something that led to her suicide later.

Which might I note! Eiji is blamed for that suicide not the guy who fucking did the assault! No, not him. Eiji's blamed for her suicide because he did his job as a lawyer and got this guy acquitted on a plea of insanity. Then to add insult to injury the guy who did the assault then still behaves in a way that showcases he will continue to be this way and do those things again to other idols.

Is given that same excuse again like,

"No, he's clearly mentally unwell."

Okay he's clearly mentally unwell- Eiji should have known better though. He's just evil. He doesn't need help fuck that guy!

Oh, Marie do you need a hand? Do need a special little safe space in Mobius to work out all your issues. Here you go μ (Mu) giftwrapped it for you too sweetie. You want brand new adoptive parents- Don't worry that's included take all the time you need!

The difference between how I treat my angelic daughter versus my rat bastard son.

The difference in writing does show Yamanaka's development as a scenario writer and personal growth when it comes to portraying these issues. However it is literally the difference between night and day.

Also both of these people are Go Home Club members.

I think I may have failed to mention that before. I just really wanted people to grasp the severity of their actions before I mentioned it really. These are your teammates. The people you're trying to get home with.

Other things done by teammates include but aren't limited too,

Fatphobia, transphobia, doxing, harassment, sexual harassment, negligence resulting in death, child abandonment/neglect, assault, cyber terrorism (which the protagonist of one can take part in), classism, sexism (misandry), identity theft, insurgency, stalking, false imprisonment, murder, attempted murder, generally be hateful spiteful people with the strongest hater energy on earth at times, literally being musicians before Go Home Club Members (which isn't a crime but counts towards the point here and occurred twice).

Marie, however, is essentially is given dissociative identity disorder by virtue of a new set of memories being created for her- ones separated from her trauma and it's subsequent effects. She also, as mentioned in this post, was given a pocket dimension so she could have the space and time to grow independently from that trauma.

This pocket dimension is a smaller subsect of Mobius and relies on Marie's existence within it to function.

It is also possible to get an alternative ending of and get out of this micro-mobius earlier by killing her. This is one of the endings I decided to get. So, from here we know that the protagonists of the Caligula Effect games can commit murder, commit cyber terrorism that ends up destroying the entire world at most and on the smallest scale Japan if the player choses to, betray all of their teammates that they make over the course of the game very similarly to what Marie does in one.

So, once again- I'm not faulting the grind I'm just stating the crimes.

All in order to make it clear to anyone reading this much that no one here is a good person. So it does not matter if some prisoners are Go Home Club members or musicians being on or the other does not make any prisoner better or worse. Everyone here is bad.

Go Home Club or Musician

Okay, so I bet some are wondering why I said all that. I must admit it was a very long way of getting to this point. However, I basically wanted to make it abundantly clear to anyone who comes across this that whether a character is Musician or part of the Go Home Club in Caligula Effect it does not equate to them being a good person.

Because the characters in Caligula Effect are not good people. They're not and they aren't meant to be.

The characters within the Caligula Effect series are individuals that have a lot of work to do on themselves. Who are in Mobius either by choice or due to the fact that they were suffering in reality/had regrets that they felt they could not change in the real world. They are all individuals who chose escapism over facing their issues head on and the series discusses the benefits and shortcomings of living that way.

Most if not all of them wound up in Mobius due to someone's misguided attempt in trying to help them.

I felt it was necessary to highlight hey the Go Home Club doesn't equal the heroes and the Musicians don't equate to the villains. They are just two groups in opposition of each other. There are people just as bad if not worse in both teams.

The only thing that decides whether someone will be in the Go Home Club or a Musician is their desire to go home.

If the character wants to go home or has doubts about Mobius in general they will fall into the Go Home Club category. If the character wants to stay in Mobius and believes full heartedly they can gain something from it even if they only plan to do that and then leave- That's a musician.

The musicians turned Go Home Club Members literally only become that later because they genuinely do want to go home and face those issues head on despite their doubts. This is one of the things that make it pretty clear that Caligula Effect is more so about rehabilitation and the many forms that can take.

So as much as I'd like to go this is who I'd like to be Musician's and Go Home Club members. The answer that I provided at the beginning of this is firmly rooted within this logic. Since we can see where the characters lie in regards to this based on how they engage with Milgram itself.

The characters have gone on record voicing their misgivings about Milgram or the fact that they are in favor of it. Some even going as far as blatantly stating that they want to go home or never want to leave.

Something that made this a lot easier to figure out once I looked at it from that angle. At least when it comes to answer this in a way that works off of Caligula Effect's own logic to some degree. This is why I highlighted that musicians do become go home club members.

Because it shows the possibility of switching between the two parties at ones discretion. Something the series plays around with itself in many ways.

So let's start with the Go Home Club prisoners. (And heads up, this section is being written up by @sinfulequity o/. Also as a heads up, I used Rochi's translations for the portal timelines and questionings!)

Yuno

Now Yuno starts off not minding being here. But even from the beginning, you can tell that she doesn't consider staying here permanently as an option

Es: [clears throat] It’s about the few days you’ve been tried as a prisoner by Milgram. Frankly speaking, how is it? Your life in prison. Yuno: Hmm, it’s surprisingly fun? I do have worries about how my family is doing, but… It’s kinda like one of those strange, personal experiences. Es: Fun…is it? Yuno: That’s right. The other prisoners are all entertaining, we sound each other out on various things, and the vibe’s pretty nice as well. In such conditions, observing other people sure does make for great fun, you feel?

Due to the atmosphere, she is enjoying herself- but that changes in the interim between trial one and trial two alluded to in this portal timeline.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean�� Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother………so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

By the time the second trial has started, whatever fun she gained from being in milgram has vanished. Only leaving her with the desire to get out of there. Even going so far as to question Es if they really believe that this environment is enjoyable any more.

Yuno: Well, if I were to say what I’m trying to say…it’s fucking bothersome. Es: … Yuno: I said so at the start, didn’t I? That punishing people outside of the law is boundless. And so I had no interest in Milgram. Es: Yes, I remember. You said that you would pay my judgment no mind and remain as you were. Yuno: Oh! That’s right! I’m happy you remembered. But, you know, I didn’t exactly hate it, Milgram. It’s nothing but weird people but it was warmer than my day-to-day life. Es: It did appear as though you were having fun. Yuno: Yes, it was fun! They may be murderers, but they’re interesting people! It puts me at ease, in a way, that we’re all people lacking in something. Es: You are saying that that changed and it’s my fault? Yuno: Yep! This situation’s bothersome-ness has won out over the fun so I am extremely cooled off. That is all. Es: … Yuno: And? Are you satisfied with this situation? Es: You all are murderers. In order to clarify your sins, this job is necessary. Milgram will make clear your essences and truths- Yuno: That. Does it not hold up unless you desperately repeat it back to yourself?

This is further explored in her answers for the second trial questioning. Outright stating that she's bored and wants to leave and passive aggressively implying that Milgram doesn't really have a true purpose, since the law already exists.

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram? Yuno: To be honest I’m bored of it now. I kinda want to leave already Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners? Yuno: That’s not something for one person to decide on their own Isn’t that what we have laws for?

It's a bit reminiscent of how she treats Mu now, right?

Futa

Most of his first voice drama is about wanting to get out of Milgram. If it isn't about that, then it's him getting flustered over how Es is pushing him. But here are a few specific moments

Es: What’s wrong? Are you so paralysed with fear that you can’t even stand up? Futa: Don’t mock me! Anyways, I won’t even accept that I’m a prisoner. Bringing me to this weird-ass place is a violation of my human rights! Es: You won’t accept that you’re a prisoner—is that so? Futa: Of course I won’t! You’re confining and imprisoning an innocent human being here! That makes you so much more of a fucking criminal, doesn’t it? All of the other guys have just obediently accepted it for some reason, but you won’t fool me!

Futa: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don’t go around evaluating people like you’re better than everyone else. Once I get outta here, I’m so gonna sue this place! You as well! You better not be thinking that you’ll get off scot-free! Es: Hmm~? Futa: I’ll never forgive you bad guys. And, this place is called Milgram—I’ll crush it down as well!

After the interim and trial two's start, this desire to get out of Milgram has strengthened. For the reasons of being harassed by intrusive thoughts and taking a walloping from Kotoko.

Futa: Right…! It wasn’t just me alone who was ganging up on the person who died! There’s no way to know whose comments lead to their death! Es: That might be true. You might not be the only one who needs to be judged for this. But… Futa: Then – isn’t it weird that I’m the only one who has to go through all of this? Being locked up in a weird nonsensical prison, having to let some brat lecture me, being faced with eyes constantly judging me… And even if– even if the person I was picking on online died… I didn’t think they would die! I just thought that wrong things are wrong, and that a crime is a crime! You get that, don’t you? See? Aren’t we the same?

As he himself states, he finds it odd that he was the only person picked out of a large group to be in Milgram. He doesn't want to be here, he doesn't find this fair and he's at the limit of his sanity.

Mu is a tricky one, because you would think that she wants to stay here (outside of the initial anxiety in trial one)

Es: Hm… So that’s the case, is it? How’s life in Milgram then? Mu: I can’t even begin to describe it. I just want to hurry up and go back home! Es: Oh? Why is that? You lot are given a decent amount of freedom here. We’re granting you the few indulgences which exist as well. In fact, even you’ve sent in a request asking for a crepe cake as well. Mu: That’s… That’s true, but… And, I did eat the crepe cake, but… I just really wanna go home. Es: Hm. Mu: I’m sure that mummy and daddy are worried about me! [cries again] What even is this place? Why did you even have to bring me here?

Mu: Yeah, it is. Prison guard, you’re human as well, so… I’ll do my best. I’ll figure out what kinda person you’re fond of. Even though you’re a sad case who talks to rabbits. [giggles] Es: That’s enough. Our conversations don’t have any flow to them, so that’s not gonna happen. Mu: I’ll definitely return home. I’ll return home to mummy and daddy. So, if I get you to forgive me, I’ll be able to go back home for sure, right? Es: I don’t really know. Mu: Yeah… Actually… If I think about it, compared to those good-for-nothing police trying to catch me—someone who’s definitely not in the wrong—Milgram might just be better for me.

As we all can see, she states that maybe Milgram would be a better place for her to stay. At least in comparison to the prospect of being arrested and tried by the police. However, that is a coercive line of thinking, in and of itself. It's like being between a rock and a hard place. Furthermore, it implies that were the police not an issue, she'd immediately want to go back home again. And despite how comfortable she has gotten, Mu shows a good deal of concern towards how her parents are doing/worrying about her.

20/06/17 Shidou: ……do you mind if we talk? It seems you’ve relaxed a bit more recently, Kusunoki-kun. Mu: Eh…… yeah, definitely compared to the start…… just a bit. But I’m still scared…… we still don’t know what they might do to us. I want to go home soon…… I wonder what’s happening there…… Papa and Mama must be really worried…… Shidou: That’s good…… You were crying so much, so I was concerned for you.……yeah, I’m sure. Your family will definitely be worrying about you. I…… hope you can go back soon. Mu: Shidou-san…… did you come here to comfort me……? I’m sorry, I’d thought you were…… a scary person…… fufu.

03 - “It was really scary at the beginning, but now it’s nice and laid-back. And also… Haruka-kun is really nice! He’ll listen to anything I tell him.” 05 - “I’ve been starting to think that maybe I’d like to stay here forever… The outside world only ever does bad things to me. Though, I’d be a bit sad that I wouldn’t get to see papa and mama again…”

Mu: Ah, it’s been a while, Warden-san. – Things have gotten tough, haven’t they… Everyone seems to be struggling and the whole atmosphere feels tense because everyone’s struggling, it’s really troublesome. Es: Is that so? Mu: But as for me, I think Milgram has become a lot more comfortable! I know now that I can get whatever I want if I ask for it, so I don’t need to be so on edge anymore. Es: … Mu: You did say that you and Milgram are our allies, and maybe you were right all along!

She's ultimately carved a place for herself in Milgram. However, she also won't let the "setting" of Milgram affect how she considers herself.

Mu: Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff. Es: That is… a very attractive proposal. Mu: Right? (giggles) Es: Abandoning all the thinking… How nice it would be if I could just do that. Mu: … If you ask me, I don’t really get why you don’t do it… Es: Because this is the role I’m playing. Mu: But the role was given to you, wasn’t it? You didn’t end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It’s not a dream you’ve had for a long time or anything, right, Warden-san? So there’s no need to let it tie you down. Couldn’t you just quit? Es: What are you… Mu: Warden-san, we call you “Warden” because that’s what you are, right? I was assigned to be a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean my heart will become just that of a “prisoner” too. After all, I’m still me.

Kazui

Funny- for someone who said he's going to take a wait and see approach, he comes straight out of the gate about his intent to find a way out to Es

Kazui: Really – sorry, sorry! I really had no intention of causing you harm, Warden-kun. I was simply looking to safely gather some information and assess the situation in this prison a little better. Es: Huh? Kazui: You see, depending on who they are, once someone is here it might be impossible for them to break out. I'm the oldest here, so naturally, I should be the one testing how far we can go against you.

He goes on to explain in his first questioning that he does have concerns about Milgram but doesn't want to express them.

Q.20 Do you have any complaints about your imprisonment? Kazui: I mean I do have some. But y’know, there’s some things about it that are so far removed from daily life. It’s easier to just not think too hard about it.

Progressing to trial two, Kazui is now disappointed in Milgram. It gave such high expectations for itself, and how it could judge crimes deemed fine by the law and-

Kazui: I haven’t forgiven myself… even if my lies are forgiven, it won’t resonate [with me]. It might just be both of these. All the lies I’ve told are tying me down. Ever since I was little, I’ve never truly opened myself to anyone. But in the end, people can’t be saved if they don’t [open up]. And by now, it’s gotten to a point where I can’t do it by myself anymore… (machinery whirrs, bell rings) Kazui: I did think Milgram would be able to force its way past that, though. Es: Is that an attempt at provocation? Kazui: You didn’t manage to reach my sin. Es: … Kazui: Even though I want you to… Milgram isn’t so great after all, is it?

-it really is better to be a let down, than let down, huh.

Mikoto

He has also stated from the start that he didn't want to be here. He has a job after all! He has rent to pay, obligations to meet- are you going to take care of it guard? You better, you know~

Es: Your name and age? Mikoto: Uh… Mikoto Kayano, 23. Wait, no! I’ve been wanting to talk to you this whole time, Warden-kun! Es: What is it? Make it short. Mikoto: Alright… when is this whole thing going to end? Es: Hah? Mikoto: No, it’s obvious, isn’t it?! Suddenly being dragged to a place like this, being told all this weird stuff about killers and all that– is this some kind of comedy? A reality TV show? One of those monitoring things? I’ve been holding on to that thought this whole time, and that was also the reason I tried to get along with the others, y'know – because that’ll look better on a TV show, right?! – but look, this is stretching out for way too long…! What’s up with this? Es: (sigh) You really still believe that? That Milgram is some kind of joke? Mikoto: I do! Of course I do! I mean… I really don’t remember anything of note. Even if you talk about sins or murderers– I don’t know about any of that! I’m just a normal worker at a company…

Mikoto: What’s with that?! Then aren’t you getting ahead of yourself, just labelling me a murderer like that? Es: I’m not. Milgram tells me that you did it. That’s enough for me. Mikoto: Why are you just blindly believing that? There’s no way of getting through to you…! (sigh) Anyway. I really don’t know anything! Nor have I killed anybody, or done anything bad! I was just living an ordinary, everyday life… and yet I got dragged into something this weird! (slams hands on the desk) Of course I want to think of all this as a joke…! Wouldn’t anyone? Es: (non-committal hum) Mikoto: I have my own life, you know? And I just got accepted into the company that I was aiming for… If I get fired, you’ll have to take responsibility for that.

Oh? What's that guard? He's being blamed for something he hasn't even done? For shame, for shame! Do you know how much this will hurt an innocent- no, an honest man?

04 - “It’s just so much that I don’t understand. Honestly. Why do I have to face this kind of fate…? I can’t do this.”

Mikoto: Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end, right? I’m pretty good at that. Making things work out to the best of my abilities. Es: Is that so… Mikoto: (laughs) …But… it’s not coming to an end. All of this. With things I’ve never even heard before, the whole ti— Es: … Mikoto: —the whole time… I have to make all these irritating experiences…!

He is stressed. He is reaching his limit. Can't you let off just a little? Isn't it unfair to punish someone for dreaming?

Es: In precise terms, it’s called dissociative identity disorder. Generally speaking, it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created to try and isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. Mikoto: Yeah. I… probably come out to ease the stress Boku experiences. The fact that I come out for longer just means that Boku is constantly under extreme stress. Es: Stress… Namely the environment of Milgram, right? Mikoto: Right. Especially the fact that you judged against forgiving Boku is causing a lot of stress. That’s why he’s entrusting me with his heart.

Es: Even if it was you, John, who was in your body at the time – there’s no way for you to prove that. At the very least not in a way that would be accepted in court. It could still be judged that you’re pretending— Mikoto: You…!! What do you think? Es: I…? Mikoto: I’m the one who did it! Boku didn’t do it! You know that because of Milgram! I don’t care about the law, I want to know what you think!

Don't worry; he'll forgive you if you choose right- right?

And now for the Musician prisoners.

Haruka

This shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone who's noticed, but he holds Milgram in high regard. It's the first place he's felt fully accepted. He's also started to learn how to connect with people in here- something he felt he always had difficulty with before

Es: I’m the prison guard. That just now is how I’ll educate you prisoners. I’m allowed to do so. [grabs Haruka] Got that? Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I’ll say it any number of times. I’m the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you’ve done, I’ll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that… “You’ll be abandoned”? Don’t take me so lightly. Until I know your sins and complete my judgement as to whether they’re forgivable or unforgivable, you’re objects for me to govern(2) Don’t think I’ll let you escape. Haruka: Prison guard… Es: Wait a second, Haruka. What are you smirking for? Haruka: Ah, I’m sorry. It must be creepy, right? Es: It does creep me out. [throws Haruka] Haruka: Ah, you’ve got it wrong… This is a strange thing to say, but it made me a bit happy. Es: Happy? Haruka: Yeah. Es: What an odd thing to say, even if I’m the one saying that. Being imprisoned, being restrained, even being interrogated like this too, isn’t it natural to get angry in these kinds of situations? Hm… Now you mention it, you were always like that from the beginning. There’s a gloominess about you, but you’re immune to the chaos of Milgram itself. The point is, reacting like Futa and Mu would have made more sense. Haruka: That’s right. Futa got really angry. Scary—Ah, no, I mean, this is Milgram, isn’t it? I don’t really know what it’s for. But, having you, the prison guard, take some interest in me, listening to the various things I say… For some reason, it made me happy and such. Es: Hm.. Haruka: Even if that is your job. Even if it’s just to reveal the wrong things I’ve done.

Q.12 Tell us your hobby. Haruka: I like talking with the other prisoners Q.22 What do you think of the prison outfits? Haruka: They’re kind of relaxing Q.23 Is there anything you’d like to have sent to you there? Haruka: Not particularly Q.25 When you get out of here, where do you want to go? Haruka: I can’t think of anywhere

As Milgram continued to progress, Haruka gains more confidence. And has grown more comfortable in Milgram as a result. He states that he likes himself now. He doesn't want to leave this environment that has been so accommodating to him.

Es: You… Are you really Haruka Sakurai? Haruka: Eh? Wh-what are you saying? It is me! But everyone has been telling me that recently – that I’ve changed. Es: Yeah. When I think back to how you were trembling in fear back during the first trial… you sure have gotten bolder. Haruka: (giggles) Es: I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing though… Haruka: (laughs) If I’ve changed, then I’m glad! Up until now, I’ve always really hated myself, that’s why… Es: Hm? Haruka: A-ah, I think the reason I’ve become like this is because I had two benefactors, and one of them is you, Warden-san, so– Es: Huh? Haruka: I wanted to thank you, Warden-san! Es: Thank me? Haruka: Because you forgave me, Warden-san!

Q.01 Do you love yourself? Haruka: I think I like myself now Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram? Haruka: I want to stay here forever Q.18 Which of the other prisoners is most like you? Haruka: Nobody They’re all amazing people

Well- maybe that'll change with this new verdict? Who's to say.

Shidou

Shidou wants one thing out of Milgram, and it's disgusting a death sentence. Preferably stamped and signed by a child (like Es).

Es: You sure are composed, aren’t you? Shido: That’s just my personality. I just simply don’t think bad of it—this place, I mean. Es: You mean, Milgram? Shido: Yeah, this place will put me to death. Es: What? Shido: I might not get a golden opportunity like this again, so I’ll get straight to the point. Es… You decide how the prisoners will be dealt with, right? Es: Yeah. That’s right. Shido: The death penalty is what I’m hoping for. Thank you in advance.

However, with the ongoing events in Milgram, his viewpoint has become conflicted. He still wants to die, but he doesn't want others to. However, he's the closest thing to medical help that they have so he can't die just yet.

Shidou: Es-kun. I’ve killed a lot of people. Like I previously told you in the interrogation, I’ve killed for scientific reasons as well. So… Es: Are you about to beg me not to forgive you again? Even though I’ve already told you it’s no use? Shidou: That’s right. Please don’t forgive me… is what I would like to ask. Es: … Shidou: I… “I don’t want to be forgiven”. That feeling of mine remains the same. I need to be punished. I need to atone for my sins. I don’t think Milgram is in the right, but…! There is no better place than this to atone for my crimes. But… as long as Milgram continues like this… we won’t be able to save those who get injured if I don’t get forgiven!

Shidou: … That won’t do… I mustn’t be forgiven. Otherwise… the countless lives I’ve taken will never be paid back. Es: Heh. If you’re really trying to give your life as compensation for the people you’ve killed, then there’s no reason to stay alive that will hold up, anyway.

Mahiru

It's not quite an intrinsic desire to stay in Milgram specifically. But what kind of girl wouldn't love a heart pounding adventure~? The mystery, the thrill- it's enough to make your heart burst!

Mahiru: [giggles] Just then, it felt like I was waiting for my date to arrive. Kinda made my heart flutter. Es: I’m not exactly one to talk, but… I’m surprised that you can say such a thing despite being in this prison. Mahiru: Really~? But, this unfamiliar setting makes things super romantic, you know? Thanks to it, every day has been such a delight.

20/06/10 Futa: Hey, why are you acting so carefree all the time? You’re the oldest of the girls here, you should act it and deal with the others properly. Mahiru: Eh~? I’m acting carefree~? But maybe you’re right. I mean, I…… ah, let’s make this a quiz. Hey, Futa-kun. What do you think I like doing? Tick, tick, tick, tick…… Futa: Ahh, what even is this mood you’ve started. It’s annoying. Just tell me the answer already. Mahiru: Bzzt! Time’s up! The correct answer is “travelling” and “exciting things”~ You don’t get many chances at a lifestyle as exciting as this, right? So of course I’m going to be a bit carefree, ufufu~

She may have endured a lot of pain in the interim period between trial one and two, but that doesn't stop her from enjoying Milgram and the people in it! It just means that she thinks her way of loving is unforgivable now.

05 - “Spending my time at Milgram, I’ve really grown to love everyone here. I love you as well, Es-kun! But… me loving people can’t be forgiven, right…?”

Hey, tell her; what isn't she doing right?

Amane

Amane is very aware that Milgram isn't normal. But neither was her upbringing, so maybe she'll fit right in here? Maybe she'll fit in so much that the religion that she adheres to will fit like a glove. And if not... then that just makes this yet another trial from god, right?

Es: Geez… You’re quite something for your age. Even most adults would be at least a bit anxious in an environment like this. Amane: Eh? It’s not scary at all. After all, God is there to protect me! Es: In that aspect, you really are a child… Amane: Of course this is a rather unusual experience, but I am aware that it is something like a trial. I am certain that, once I have overcome this, I will be able to achieve further personal growth once more.

Amane: Hm. You may say it’s wrong, but isn’t what you are doing here a crime as well? Well, I do have something more important to me than the general law, so I will not try to judge(/look down on) you either, Warden-san. Es: Geez, you’re so stubborn– Amane: You see! I don’t hate Milgram, either. Rather than one single law, there are other standards to judge my sins by. And those are closer to my spirit, as well! Es: Hmm. Amane: The standards that judge my sins are somewhere else – in my heart, my blood, my entire body, they are firmly rooted in all those places! Es: And within those standards, your murder was not a sin? Amane: Exactly! Es: I see. Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world! Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

Q.20 Do you have any complaints about your imprisonment? Amane: No, since this is a trial set for me by God.

Of course, being rejected and having those voices in her head between trial one and two wasn't helpful. But she's willing to talk this out. You've talked before and Amane is a kind girl, willing to give chances.

Amane: Warden. Es: What is it, Prisoner? Amane: We’ve been disappointed by you. Es: Hah? Amane: Even though we could sense the possibility of the new world we desire here in Milgram… and in you. Es: I don’t care how much you look down on me. I told you that won’t work. Amane: Furthermore, you may say incomprehensible things, such as us “not being forgiven”… Es: Oi. Amane: But we are generous. For now, let us make some time for a conversation with you. After all, our history is one that is built on dialogue.

Es: Shut your mouth…! I am the one casting the judgements here! Amane: Hehehe. And how does that set you apart from us? Es: … I told you to shut up… Listen to what I’m telling you. Amane: Hehe… This is nice. If the world you’re striving for is admirable in my eyes… That is to say…

Even to the sinners that deny her.

Kotoko

Kotoko has never really hid the fact that she wants to co-operate with Milgram- with Es. As someone who wants to work outside of the law, a place like Milgram is almost too good to be true.

Kotoko: Don’t space out, the interrogation isn't over. Es: A-ahh.. yeah. Kotoko: Eh, well, if you're done with it anyway, then it’s not a problem. Guard-san. No… Es. Don’t you want to join forces with me? I think the two of us would make good partners. Es: Join.. forces with you? Kotoko: With you, in the role of a prison guard, with information you gather from the interrogations, and me, in the role of a prisoner, with information I gather from my daily life here… Working together and sharing our findings. What do you think? Es: Stop joking around. Kotoko: Why? I think it’s quite a good bargain. Look, you can view the incident with Kayano Mikoto as a free trial-

Kotoko: Heh. I want to be like you. I refuse to tolerate sin. Es: You won't tolerate sin? Kotoko: Yes. I despise evil. Hurting the innocent through violence, taking away from others, killing people… I can’t stand it! There are too many cases of the law being unable to deliver a verdict to sinning. Just by exploiting the loopholes in the law, the sinners who have tortured and bullied the weak can still live out their lives unpunished! I want to change this world, but I alone only have so much power. Es: Kotoko… Kotoko: To be honest, I don't know your true intentions. And I don't know if you are a similar person to me with similar thoughts. In the end, I could be deluding myself with wishful thinking. Even still, this place has multiple methods of deducing good and evil. To me, MILGRAM’s very nature has a kind of charm to it. How about it? Do you understand me as a person now?

Q.01 Who exactly are you? Kotoko: Yuzuriha Kotoko The person who plans on becoming your fangs. Well, that all depends on you though.

21/10/26 (Kotoko’s First Trial) Kotoko: ……come, Es. Let’s fight together.

After having her mindset validated, Kotoko decided to take up her end of her proposed deal in full force. Force being the key word here. She is ready and willing to go at a moments notice (or even without one). Aren't you happy to have such a loyal partner? Hmm? She's acting like if she could take the power you hold at any time, she would?

02 - “Heh. As expected, you wanted us to work together, huh? I’ll be answering to your resolve and your expectations. With all the strength I have.” 03 - “I gave the prisoners that you didn’t forgive what they deserved. Going along with Milgram’s system, I didn’t go all-out yet. I figured you’d need some more time to think about it too. …What’s with that face?” 04 - “I did tell you to follow your intuition and that I’d leave things to you, but you’re really going easy on them. I think I would’ve forgiven less people. Hmph, if only I was the warden [in this place]… Well, no ill feelings, I guess.”

... That's probably just your imagination~ Well, it is what it is. After all, she knows just how taxing this much responsibility is on Es' poor little shoulders... Don't worry. She'll take that burden on.

Kotoko: I know it well. It’s so hard to hold the responsibility of a guard all alone. I’ve also felt this way. You are such a kind person. You can’t stand the prison changing with the power of your choices. So you need someone to be with. Leave all of the dirty work to me. Es: I’m… a kind person? Kotoko: Does your head hurt anymore? Don’t worry. Leave it to me, and together we’ll be able to create the right MILGRAM. Es: I see… that MILGRAM...

Just make sure not to betray her, or go back on your word- okay? It's like Futa said. If you get off now, you're a traitor~

Anyways, I hope this was a fun read! It was fun discussing this and I hope the logic tracked for why every prisoner was put in each group!

#milgram #caligula effect

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